#seriously if anyone has any thoughts over this id love to hear it

[roman-mysteries]

Ranking Roman Mysteries books from least favourite to favourite- Part 1

Obviously this is a completely subjective list based on my own experiences with the books, and I would love to hear if anyone thinks differently

17. The Scribes from Alexandria  This is the last book from the series I read (I was twenty-one) because as a kid I would just read whatever I could get from the library/what I bought in London when we went overseas in 2012, and while I like to think maybe just being so much older means I didn’t experience it at the age I should have, I just couldn’t get behind this book. I hate the separation plot, and the two characters who accompany the children do nothing for me. I thought the thing between them was leading up to something interesting, but in the end it just fell flat on its face. The little chapter/paragraph cliff hangers feel all the more pronounced here and I started to get bored with them. I don’t think I’ll read this one again outside of a whole series re-read

16. The Enemies of Jupiter I do feel really mean about this one because it is a really good book and it has an amazing backdrop for the plot, but I have never been able to enjoy misunderstanding/liar reveal plots, and it’s just all over this story. Whenever I sit down to do a big read through of the series I always force myself to get through this and then burn out straight after. Sorry Jonathan, you sure are going through it in this book but unfortunately so am I. I keep reading it though in the hopes of changing my mind. 

15. The Beggar of Volubilis I think the thing about this book for me is just how forgettable it is. It kickstarts the big final like, adventure for the kids but I really struggle even now to recollect anything. It just feels sort of convoluted, which I never thought would be something I could say about Roman Mysteries. It takes a while for the plot to get rolling, said plot is kind of silly, and then it just de-escalates in a very flat way. I also don’t really enjoy any of the final four, so this being the one that starts it all makes me feel meh. Another one I won’t re-read outside of when I do the whole series.

14. The Prophet from Ephesus There is a trend here, lol. Final four don’t do it for me. This one ranks slightly higher I think just because there is a higher sense of stakes that makes the book much more readable- until those stakes kinda fall on their face. Just gets really confusing every time the kids separate and go off to do weird things. I think that’s the biggest problem for me with the final four. The kids are never together and the strongest part of the books for me was always their bond. Also I do not vibe at all with the Lupus and everyone else becoming Christians part of the story. And how the baby isn’t the right baby? Another weird de-escalation. Wins points for some great Jonathan character development though. 

13. The Man from Pomegranate Street We reach the end of the last four books on this list with the last book from the series. This is a tense, gripping read which I do enjoy a lot, but it just doesn’t have the legs to push itself higher on this list. A lot of awful things happen to the characters that I wish could be addressed just a little bit more, and I am a biased Lupus fan who wanted more for him to do. Absolutely hilarious though how historical fanfiction-y this book is and I love it for that. Really goes for the ‘we can never go home’ vibe. 

12. The Twelve Tasks of Flavia Gemina This isn’t the halfway point of the list but it is a separation point because we are now into the books that I will re-read regardless of if I am doing a whole series recount or not. Love putting this in spot twelve, lol. I think as a kid I wasn’t inclined to like this story because I’d never read the book, and only seen the TV show episode which is fun, but doesn’t do the book justice. There is a great character arc for Flavia here, though I do wish it could have been retained a little more in later books. She does a lot of learning and reflecting that sometimes doesn’t feel like it sticks. That being said, she is a kid and one of the best parts of Roman Mysteries is how Lawrence lets the kids be kids. They bicker, they fight, they have character flaws that betray their age. In a time where people were supposed to grow up a lot faster, Flavia and the others get to be young and stupid sometimes, which especially shows in Flavia and Nubia’s relationship, and I appreciate that. The ending is tragically sad, and I do wish the TV show had gone for it. 

11. The Fugitive from Corinth This is another one of Lawrence’s ‘actually the thing they were setting out to solve the whole time was not that thing after all’ but I think it’s done really well here, because some of the characters actually get to solve it as the mystery plays out, rather than it just being a big reveal at the end. This whole book feels like one large chase scene with dips and dives in the tension to give you time to catch your breath. Nubia shines here, and I really enjoy her and Jonathan talking some sense into Flavia at various parts. Getting to explore Ancient Greece is also a huge win. Is a little lower down the list because I actually do get exhausted reading this book- so much happens. 

10. The Charioteer of Delphi This is one of my favourite actual mysteries in the whole series and I love how it takes up pretty much all of the book. The backdrop of chariot racing is fun and exhilarating and also incredibly sad as well. I love the Nubia story line going on here, and everyone else also gets a chance to show off their skills which is great. Nubia and Scopas/Scorpus have a great dynamic and I appreciate Lawrence writing him as Autistic, even if I personally think sometimes she doesn’t quite get it right. I love it when historical fiction includes things that didn’t have a name in their time, because things don’t just not exist because they couldn’t be explained. Also any story with Sisyphus is a win I love him. We’re really into the section of the list where it’s so hard to rank these books because I love them all. 

9. The Assassins of Rome I consider this to be one of two big Jonathan plot heavy books, the other of course being Enemies of Jupiter, and this is obviously my favourite of the two. I really appreciate the time taken to flesh out Jonathan’s world and the pain he feels. Everything set up in the book lands here, from the main plot to the little moments we have going along as the kids set out to find Jonathan. Just a really, really good story. This is another one of the books that really hits home that these are just kids, who make mistakes and who fight but who ultimately have forged a strong relationship that allows them to go through almost anything together.  That’s it for part one, I’ll do part two later today!

[quidfree]

Hi first off I wanted to say I fucking love your writing, you've seriously got a beautiful style and you seem to understand tsh characters so damn well it's crazy. Second I have four very important questions for you if you wouldn't mind

1. in your mind/ in your tsh fics does francis have long/longish hair? I know it said in the book he has a short mop of hair or whatever but I really don't like that so in my mind he grew it out after Hampden or something.

2. in sober ii when Richard says " I haven't- since you" before Francis kisses him does he mean he hasn't fucked since Francis committed or he hasn't been with a man since francis in college? this doesn't actually matter but I'm curious

3. this is a bit more broad but I wanted to know what you thought about the Theo's three big romantic relationships in tgf (kitsey, Pippa, Boris)

4. have you read the little friend? did you like it? coz everyone seems to hate it but it was the first Donna tartt I read and I had me completely hooked for weeks. I literally re read it constantly and when I finished I would just start it over. I especially liked the dynamics with the ratliff family and ended up feeling kind of attached to Danny even if he obviously wasn't a great person. (I didn't like the amount of slurs she used in it though but that's a whole other topic)

sorry this is very long but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this

well first off thank you very much. i love when characters feel true to the source material. and i love questions like these, whether fic based or otherwise!

francis to me doesn't have a shoulder length mane or whatever (he's too conservative for that) but i also agree he wouldn't just have short hair like the other guys. i see him w a sort of bob-length situation- long enough to tuck behind the ears and such. i saw a rich guy in a paris gay bar once who was extremely over-dressed w a suit jacket hanging like a cape over his shoulders complaining to his friends about the venue and he looked exactly like what i picture francis as but unfortunately i can't airdrop my memory of this man to anyone so you'll just have to take my word for it.

richard's just saying he's never been w another guy. which i can't imagine he would have been. he's lucky francis has a long history of sleeping w straight guys bc honestly...

oh that is a big one. i think id need to do a separate post it so lmk if you want it. in the meantime more on the characters themselves... kitsey to me is an undersung hero like i love the character so much. she's so interesting and deeply fucked up. in her own mercenary way she is being so much realer w theo than he gives her credit for bc she sees thru the act of normalcy he is clinging to, as an expert actress herself. pippa i also think is great altho i actually have less of a sense of who she is than w kitsey due to the tartt protagonist dehumanize-woman-ray at work; i really like the layers of her relationship to theo and the way we the audience can glimpse at her reality beneath it, her discomfort and her charm. like she does love him and they are brothersistersouls and she is actually fucked in ways that theo is without knowing it and sometimes not, but she is also like white-knuckling a shot at being Okay and trying from a safe distance to get theo in that kind of uncomfortable space too. and then boris obviously is the easy fan favourite bc there's just so much to him. he's deeply charismatic yes but he's also really interesting. in many ways he's a lot more grown up and realistic than theo, at every age, but he's still self-destructive, just more outwards than inwards, and i think while his lack of introspection saves him theo's inner agonies it also shuts him off to some level of profound codependent connection which he and theo r always tight-rope walking over.

have not read it, didn't know everyone hated it. i tend to have too long a to-read list to read multiple works by the same author in any kind of reasonable timeframe.

hope these thoughts were of interest.

[florenceisfalling]

sorry for not realizing, i hadn't checked your blog in months before today and i kinda figured you would have blocked me in the time i wasn't on tumblr if you didn't wanna talk. the post i replied to seemed lighthearted so i did not know. obviously no need to answer this as i won't ever see it, just wanted to say i'm sorry for upsetting you even if i won't ever know exactly what went wrong with us

i mean you still have my discord dms if you really wanted. in fact, you actually stopped responding to me, not the other way around. i didn't block you because a.) you were such a large part of my life for so long that, yknow, a chunk of my blog has some sort of attachment to yours, and i didn't want to fuck up my ability to see relevant posts if im trying to find old writing shit and b.) i always wanted to leave channels open because... again, you were a large part of my life for so long. i don't want to be your friend but if anything ever came up and there was something you needed or wanted to say i wanted that to be possible for the sake of "just in case"

regardless of if you "wont ever see it" heres my answer. even this ask answers itself for one of the reasons i dont like you. you hadn't checked my blog in months. which in itself is fine, but in the grand scheme of things - jesus fuck, man! you dipped out of my life almost entirely, on repeated occasions, unless i actively tried to drag you back in. regardless of how fucking apparent it was that i was literally on the Brink, you wouldn't be there unless i was the one to call. even after i tried to have an open conversation with you + others involved on how you were so bad at handling your shit that i thought random things i had zero involvement were my fault because no one gave me any sort of indication to what the fuck was going on.

you hung out with bullies and downplayed the deserved backlash. you don't know how to take other peoples feelings or lives seriously - something that hits me so PROFOUNDLY because your kindness and comfort used to be one of the reasons i liked your company so much. you hurt my friend. and you lied to me! and more, shit that i cant say here! and you would complain and guilt-trip about how you felt like everyone hated you and how you were such a bad friend but you so rarely made steps to actually change anything you were doing! of course you don't see what went wrong, you can't even look in at yourself without making everyone else feel like its their fault for being hurt!

and id love to say that everything ive heard from you and the people surrounding you is some kind of misunderstanding and that really and truly you dont deserve my anger. i dont think you realize how much ive sat over the past year and hoped that we were somehow gonna go back to normal. i wanted to tell you i got engaged! i wanted to talk to you about a million things! but after what i had to deal with last year (not from you, other shit entirely) i sort of learned that i cannot afford to trust anyone. you have no idea the fucking depths i went to and you are not going to know because the kind of people you seem to love aspiring to be/surrounding yourself with are the same kind of people who made my world feel like it was fucking falling apart. literally some of the most insane trauma ive endured was just brushed aside as silly discourse or jokes or whatever so yeah. not sure if i can trust that everythings all just one big mix up. messages are open but i am so angry and i cant change that even if i want to and i dont think you want to hear any of it.

and im sorry for being so lighthearted about you before i thought it was a post that would just fade into the ether like my other non-context bullshit

[fkinavocado]

hi! this is the first time im writing you but i think ive finally built up enough courage to do so (i never thought id send you anything because everything you write is so good - which ill come to in a sec - and ive been a silent admirer of your page and series and thought that whatever i write will just not do any justice to your work)

but anyways here i am, i just wanted to share my thoughts on the happy/sad ending ‚debate’ that has been going on :)

long story short, i think i would like a realistic ending; i know that could be anything - happy, sad and everything in between - but keeping a stories ending as realistic as possible feels the most satisfying to me i think. because i feel like sometimes the endings to stories and books seem so rushed all of a sudden and so much of the previous issues that were there is skipped and there is a happy ending in the next moment. like youve been reading 80% of the story and it was all good that far but then all of a sudden everything works out and the pieces randomly do fit and the people open up and happy ending, or something like that. it just doesnt feel very realistic and satisfying imo

now to your writing tho, your page (and stories) are seriously the only ones i keep up with and refresh daily to see if theres anything new.

i know its fiction but nonetheless the way you write and your attention to detail is what keeps di still very realistic (idk how to explain it im sorry) like the little details you include and work around blow my mind sometimes (im a big lover of small details).

idk the realistic ending thing is just, for example them having one short talk and solving everything randomly and the story ending on a utopian level of happiness, there is just too much history and too many issues to have that, but i know already that youre very well aware of that and consider that they have things to work out.

im sorry for the mess that this text was, but i felt like finally sharing something with you, i hope you dont mind :)

all in all, i enjoy not only di but hard candy and all the lhh pieces and content (as a big lhh enthusiast and lover - which makes your page so perfect for me) very much, thank you endlessly for sharing your stories with us and im (we are) very excited for whatever you will end up writing!

-s

oh my god how could i mind, on the contrary i love love love this and thank you so much for reaching out and telling me all this! if anyone else feels the same, please know that i very much enjoy hearing from you and lengthy asks are my absolute favorite❤️❤️❤️ i love to see what you guys think of what i put out there, it's what keeps me going! i love discussing my stories with you guys so much!!! so please never hold back, you can always come talk!

small details are what make a story immersive and realistic and i too am a big fan of that. there are a few writers out here that are waaay better than me when it comes to this, i don't consider it my forte, so i'm very glad you mentioned it, i'm very pleased to hear you think so!

i know what you mean about rushed endings. i too have been let down time and again by stories that have had amazing development only to end suddenly with a happily ever after... wtf is thatttttt i hate it so much 😩😩😩 and i don't get why writers do this! is it to wrap it all up nicely and give the readers what they think they want? are they just over writing for that respective troupe and wanna end it already? do they just not know how to end it and just go for something obvious? i dunno. i hope that the ending to daddy issues doesn't feel this way for you guys, whatever it may be. i know i can't please everyone's expectations but if anything -i hope it at least doesn't fall flat and it doesn't feel boring/cliché/unrealistic

[frostandflamesfanfic]

The Last Three Years (Sherlock x Reader) - Chapter 3

| | Masterlist | |

Chapter 3: How to Save a Life

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life..." -The Fray (How to Save a Life)

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes (BBC) x Watson!Reader

Word Count: 2.9k+

Warnings: brief mentions of su!cidal thoughts/attempt (nothing actually shown or fully described)

Summary: As you stand on Bart's rooftop to make the biggest decision in your life, you receive a mysterious call for help. Also referred to as the one where you find out how your flatmate is handling her grief.

Back on the rooftop of St. Bart’s, everything seemed so small. The phone stuck in your fist once more and you could still see the bustling scene below. All you needed to do was jump. It would be over in a matter of seconds. It was so tempting, the whispers promising death. It would be quick, almost painless. Eternal slumber reunited with those you love, if you had faith in an afterlife. Just one. . . more. . .step. . .  

The phone suddenly buzzed in your hands, indicating a call. Checking the Caller ID, you saw it was from an unknown number. To this day, you still didn’t know what possessed you to pick up the phone. Maybe it was an act of desperation. Perhaps you were simply disillusioned by false hope it might actually be him calling you back. “Hello?” 

“Please stay on the line for an incoming transmission.” a female voice responded. 

There was a period of silence as you shifted uncomfortably in wait. Who could possibly be calling? Your answer arrived not long after, when a throat cleared and a familiar tone greeted you. 

“Ah yes, Watson the younger,” the voice of Mycroft Holmes said in your ear. “I do hope you are not planning to continue walking.” 

“What do you want, Mycroft?” you asked in a peevish tone. “I am not in the mood for games.”

“Oh, yes, I am very aware of that. I can practically feel the wave of...” Mycroft paused for a moment, allowing you to visualise his face as it morphed into a grimace. “Sentiment through the message.”

Part of you didn’t want to believe it, but somehow part of you was expecting this to happen. “Oh bloody hell, Mike. Did you seriously listen to-”

“I would like to inform you that my younger brother’s unfinished business has now unfortunately become my own. His voicemail is currently being monitored for any potential threats or updates on past cases,” he paused. “However, as. . .dramatic. . .as your adventure has been, that is not my reason for calling.”

A grunt of annoyance escaped your lips as you made a face of your own. The Holmes siblings were never ones to mind their own business. You knew that from the start. John had made sure to warn you as you had moved your boxes into the flat downstairs. However, you still wished Mycroft had had the decency to give you the privacy you believed you so righteously deserved. “What do you want?”

“It appears my dear sister is having a difficult time. Her condition is worsening. Surveillance has since reported to me she was caught in her bedroom window creating a loop with her bedsheets. I am quite certain she was not attempting to craft a new fashion piece.”

You could feel your body run cold as the blood drained from your face. No, this can’t happen, you screamed in your mind. Not her, too. You blinked to clear your thoughts before parting your lips to speak. “Is she having conversations with herself?”

“On the contrary,” the eldest Holmes replied. “She refuses to speak to anyone. It has been requested by my sister’s medical council that I make an appearance, but that would require legwork of course, so-“

“So you’re calling me to be your errand runner? Did you not hear my message correctly, as you have been oh-so-keen on keeping tabs on us?”

There was silence from the other end of the line. “She needs you,” Mycroft admitted, using your full name for once. “There’s not much I can do to save her. I provide the funds, but there is no one else she will speak to.”

"I can't- I can't be there for her, I can't fix her. A broken person can't fix another broken person."

“Then you’ll both die.” Still peering down, you witnessed a black car pull up to the front of the building. “The choice is yours, Watson. Choose wisely.”

Like hell it is. You let out a scoff. “There’s never a choice with you, Mycroft.” With that, the line disconnected and your mobile buzzed once more, signalling a text. It was an image. Enlarging the attachment, your eyes closed tightly to console yourself as you took in the horror. 

From just a glimpse, you could already see how broken your friend was. Her dark hair was mangled with knots. It had grown since the last time you had seen her. It was down to her waist at this point. Dark bags sagged underneath her cerulean blue eyes. Black and blue marks were speckled about her face. This wasn’t the woman you knew, the person you looked up to. 

“Oh, Elora,” you whispered as your grip on the mobile device grew tighter. “What have you done?” Once more, you dared to look down at the busy city streets below you and bit back a sob. You had been so close to eternal quiet. You could practically hear his voice calling out to you to join him. Tears filled your eyes and you turned your face toward the sky. “I’m sorry, love. Forever is going to have to spare a minute. There’s something I have to take care of first.”

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Your heart had dropped when you pulled up into the typically quiet street. It felt more like a prison than a place of healing. The amount of security you had needed to go through was excessive, although you wondered how much of it was Mycroft’s doing. It had only taken the press a few days to get wind of your flatmate’s new living arrangements. They flooded the condominium’s lobby ever since, each one hoping to get their hands on an exclusive with the cracked Holmes girl. 

The flat was dimly lit, even though it was early enough in the afternoon. The reinforced glass panels, though they were bolted shut, offered a beautiful view of the city skyline below. A television was rotating between channels, alternating between celebrity gossip and news. Your heart jumped into your throat when you saw a shot of him. It was the day he solved the Reichenbach painting case. You could still see the bright and blinding flashes of the paparazzi cameras as they had made their way through the streets. His hand had gripped your arm tightly as he attempted to shield the two of you with his coat. 

A deerstalker was perched atop his head, which would later become his signature style. He always hated the blasted thing. That year for Christmas, you had given him a new version of the hat, but in his favourite colour. He had harped on about how it wasn’t even a true hat for nearly an hour. The memory brought a bit of momentary happiness to you as you neared the bedroom door. 

The tin of biscuits in your grip was slowly becoming heavier. When your landlady had found out you were going to visit Elora, she had loaded up your car with a variety of sweets. You hadn’t had the heart to tell the old woman about Elora’s condition, but figured it would be a good idea to at least bring in one container. 

When you turned the knob of the bedroom door, you saw your friend curled up on the bed. Elora was so still, you started to fear she was no longer breathing. “Elora?” you called out, hating how broken your own voice sounded. Yet you received no response from the lump on the bed. “I brought some biscuits from Mrs. H. She said they were your favourite.”

A deep voice stopped you from venturing further into the room. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” he said. For the first time, you recognized a figure who had been standing by the door. A man, late thirties. Obviously wasn’t used to detail work, given by his tan. Mainly an outside worker, you mused in your mind. He was a relatively thin individual, but you could tell he was strong. He also had two concealed firearms- one in the holster and another under his pant leg. Make that three, you thought to yourself as you noticed a bulge under his shirt sleeve. God, this is what you got by staying around Holmes for so long. What had they done to you?

“Can I not give my own friend food now?” you spit out sardonically.

“She might try to choke herself with them…” the man said, trailing off. Soft-spoken, then.  

“She’s in her bed! Like hell she’s going to be able to choke herself with food.”

“Please, she just tried to hang herself this morning. I’m afraid I can’t let you give those to her,” the man said stiffly. Oh, so he liked to call the shots. Definitely an outside worker who never had the chance to speak.  

“I’m giving her these biscuits whether you like it or not,” you snapped. “This might be your only opportunity to project authority, but you sure as hell can’t think you can boss me around when it comes to my family.”

“She is my family, as well.” 

“What are you-”

A quiet cough from behind the wall caused your attention to shift away from the idiot in uniform. “Sebastian, don’t bother,” you heard Elora’s voice say. It didn’t sound like her, though. She sounded hollow, shattered to a million pieces. She sounded like how you felt – broken. “It’s too much work.”

“You are worth it!”

You flinched at the sound of a dry laugh as it echoed off of the walls. It too sounded hollow and dull. It was as if there was no more hope of happiness. “I will never be worth it.” Elora didn’t look at you. Instead, she switched her view to that of the ceiling. “Go home. You didn’t need to come.”

I’m not going to lose you, you thought. It’s bad enough you’re going to lose me, but you are not about to lose yourself. “We both know I can’t do that,” the words got caught in your throat.

“And why not?” Elora’s gaze flashed over to where you were standing next to “Sebastian.” You could feel the holes as her eyes burned into your clothes from the glare. 

“Because you’re my friend.” You turned to the man next to you and narrowed your eyes. “Either you let me through, or I’m going to do it myself. The question I have for you is how good are your lawyers?”

Sebastian shifted uncomfortably but ultimately ended up stepping away to allow you entry into the room. 

Slowly, you crept your way into the white room. The tin of biscuits fell from your hands as you neared the bed. “Elora,” the words floated around the room with a whisper. “You know you can always talk to me.”

You watched as your friend hesitated. This wasn’t the Elora you remembered. It was a shell of a person who once was, you could see it. It was going to take a while before she was back completely. However, you could still make out the faintest light of your flatmate desperate to return. 

“I don’t want to,” Elora whispered as she curled up against the wall. “I don’t want to be here.”

“I could take you back to Baker Street, if you want?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” You watched as the tears fell down your flatmate’s face. “I don’t want to be here.”

As you reached over to gently pull Elora into a hug, she closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the ceiling. A sharp intake of air filled her lungs. Hold on, love, you pleaded. Please wait for me. It won’t be much longer.  

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

It had taken weeks for you to regain Elora’s trust. Your friend had grown fearful of anyone after creating a prison for herself within both her mind and new flat. After a few visits, you soon learned the true identity of the mysterious (and irritating) Sebastian. The two of you would meet for tea at a small cafe across the street when Elora was taking a nap after a particularly rough afternoon. It was during these talks, you heard more of their story. Sebastian was a licensed security contractor and had met Elora months earlier, before the true mental break. They had both enrolled at a program for grief counselling and coping. As they both had lost someone close to them, the pair had forged a strong connection, which eventually led to Sebastian’s moving in. Where you had failed, he had worked to provide Elora the support and encouragement she had needed to make progress. 

Sebastian shared how, at one point, Elora had allowed herself to join a program for rehabilitation. Whenever she had experienced a particularly rough day, she was injected with medications. The doctors had mentioned to him that it was merely for her depression. However, the two of you knew it was something stronger- something to contain the psychotic breakdowns. 

One day, Elora had reached out to you, which had caught you by surprise. She had wanted to take a trip to the gravesite. “I need to see him,” your friend whispered into the phone. “I think I’m ready.”

When they selected the day, you took a deep breath before climbing the stairs to his flat. There was something you needed before you could go and his room was the only place you could get it. The flat had become covered with dust, yet it still looked the same. Nothing had changed. Even after the day Elora destroyed the kitchen, you had done your best to restore the organised chaos. Their chairs hadn’t been moved. Vials of chemicals lay just as they were left. As you walked towards his bedroom, your eyes caught a glimpse of a rich mahogany. 

It was his violin. 

Unable to help yourself, you traced a finger along the instrument’s body. Eyes closed, you could still make out the beautiful compositions that once filled the building. He had played for you that day...before everything had happened.

“Play for me?” you had asked in a whisper.  

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t protest as he moved to lift the violin. “What would you like to hear?” 

“Something. Anything?” You closed your eyes as he began to play a hypnotic melody. The few minutes flew by far too quickly and she remembered frowning in disappointment. “Why did you stop?” 

“Still a work in progress,” came the deep muttered response.  

“It sounded beautiful. You’ll need to show me how to play it once it’s done.” 

A piece of paper rubbed against your palm as you moved the violin off of his seat. You frowned and reached over to pick it up. Your eyes took in the various notations speckled about the page. It was a composition of some sort, possibly the work he was composing that night. When you glanced up at the top of the page, a light gasp escaped your lips. It was his handwriting. There was no doubt there. However, the most peculiar thing was how much of the top was scratched out. It was almost illegible to make out what he had originally intended to title the piece. What you could read, though, was unmistakably your name. Was he going to name the piece after you? 

Tears pricked at your eyes as you lifted the instrument to your chin. It didn’t feel right to be using his violin, but you needed to hear it again — feel the rise and fall of the notes in your bones. That magic couldn’t be recreated with your own instrument. You sat there for a while, extending every note with a long tug of the bow. Even when you reached the end of the notation, you couldn’t stop playing. Something had unlocked within you. You needed to do something to let the emotions out. So you did what you thought he would want: compose. 

Using a pencil, you grabbed another stack of blank sheet music and began to fill the staff with your own aches and pains. The violin screamed at times under your touch, but you didn’t care. It was as though you could feel his presence and it angered you. Sadness crashed over you like a wall being smashed to bits. Faster. Harder. Your mind was screaming at you. Now slower, draw out the pain. The bow was in your control and yours alone. It scraped against the strings like a knife slicing through butter, cutting away at your deep-seated sorrow and anger. By the time you had yanked out the final note, your heart already felt lighter. Yet, you still wanted to cry. A mangled sob ripped from your throat and you fell to the floor on your knees as you allowed yourself an opportunity to experience emotions you had long since bottled up. 

You set the violin back on the leather cushion of his chair and made your way into the bedroom a few moments later- his bedroom. There, in the closet, sat his collection of coats. Your fingertips brushed against the navy trench coat and gripped the heavy material. You heaved a deep sigh and slipped it on. It was a bit big, but you didn’t care. It smelled like him and made you feel safe. However, you knew you couldn’t fool yourself for long. This coat was meant for a Holmes’ and you happened to know just the person who was in great need of it. You shrugged off the coat and elected to wrap a simple blue scarf of his around your neck. Your arms secured the coat to your chest as you made your way back to the doorway. 

“I’m not ready to let you go,” you whispered to the empty flat. “But I know I need to. Help me be ready.”

=================================

Author's Note: *emphatic jazz hands* So you decided to venture into the flat for the first time since Sherlock went splat. Brave choice!! It would be an understatement to say I nearly started crying when I was writing this scene. It was loosely inspired by another fic I cannot remember the name/author of for the life of me, but I do remember it had to do with Sherlock teaching the reader how to play the violin. I think the music would have been the best way to connect with our sociopath, but that's just me. I'm a sucker for that trope ;)

As usual, don't forget to drop a like, reblog this work, and leave a comment! This lets me know that you want to see more of this story and gives me the motivation to keep it going. I have a rough idea how I want this story to go, but we've got a long ways to go still. 

I was also curious, when it comes to x reader fics, is it more comfortable to read gender-neutral or do you prefer a certain gendered POV? As I was editing up an upcoming chapter, I realized one topic is going to be a bit of a challenge to approach in a gender-neutral style, so I'm hoping it won't confuse/turn anyone off the fic as it only affects a short arc in the overall plot.

See you next week!

SH Taglist: @ohchoices, @severuined, @southernhippie10198

[ikleesfiction]

Miss Americana

Fandom : Crossover Hawaii Five-0 x Chicago PD TV Word count : 5,610 words Pairing : Steve McGarrett x Danny Williams; Jay Halstead x reader

Summary :  You met Williams-McGarrett family in Los Angeles and they introduced you to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Your boyfriend, Jay Halstead, doesn't know anything about this. Yet.

Author's note :

This is the fourth one shot of "Will you follow through if I fall for you" fic continuation. It would be better if you read it first. But if you don't, here's the quick summary.

This happened after I listened to a few podcasts (1  🞂  2  🞂 3) of Scott Caan and Alex O'Loughlin, passionately talking about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 

This fic does not comply to the canon of Hawaii Five-0 or Chicago PD. So if you don't follow one of the other, it should not be a hindrance, I think. Here's hoping that I'm right.

Disclaimer

◢◤

"Would you like another cup of coffee?

You look up from the book in your hand to the waiter addressing you.

"Oh, I would love to. But it's already my fourth cup of the day," You grimace at him. "Maybe I'll take a bottle of water, please? Cold, if you have one."

The waiter grins at you, "Sure thing," then leave with your empty cup of coffee.

You are supposed to meet your friend, Tim, at his house on The Bird Streets to work on a song. However, he got a sudden appointment and asked you to wait for his call to reschedule. So here you are, sitting at a Cafe/Bistro somewhere in Los Angeles, drinking too much coffee.

You check your watch and your phone. It's almost lunchtime, but your phone is still showing nothing. Alright then, you thought to yourself, back to the book. Your eyes immediately find the last paragraph you read on Astrophysics for People in a Hurry.

Five pages later, the waiter puts a bottle of water on your table, "Here it is. You sure you don't want another cup of coffee?" He jokes with you.

You laugh in response, "No, really, thank you."

The waiter leaves with a smile and turns to the table across from yours. That's when you notice somebody's sitting there.

"Good afternoon. Only for two?" The waiter lays two menu cards on the table.

"Four. My husband and daughter are parking the car." The man answers him with a smile. He has a little boy sitting next to him. His son, you guess, since both of them have blond hair. Their noses look similar too.

"Danno, can I have ice cream for lunch?" The boy begs his father, pointing at one of the delightful pictures on the card.

"Hmm, maybe." The father hums his reply. He exchanges a knowing glance with the waiter.

"Do you want anything to drink while you're waiting?"

"Soda!" The boy yells from his chair, who laughs at his father's glare.

"How about two glasses of orange juice?" The father checks to his son before confirming it with the waitress.

"Okay, be right back with your drinks."

After the waiter leaves, the boy begins to prattle about everything to his father. About giraffes at the zoo ("They are so tall like Dad!"), about his favorite ice cream flavors ("Cookie Dough. But I like Kame's shave ice better, Danno"), about swimming at Venice Beach ("There's a lot of people there, Danno. I like our beach more")

The boy doesn't even look like he needs to breathe. You can't help but let out a chuckle. His father looks up at you and shares a grin. "That's great, Charlie," He comments to his son.

You let their conversation become a white noise while you read your book.

At your periphery, you see someone passes by. However, you don't expect a hand to suddenly sneak your phone from the table. Your hand instantly grabs that wrist, trying to stop it from stealing your phone. But the thief forcefully pulls his hand out of your reach and moves away.

Unfortunately for the thief, he runs straight to the father at your neighboring table. The man has no problem flipping the thief over and pushes him to their table. When the thief squirms away from his clutch, the man lifts the thief's elbow high up and turns it behind his back in a very painful lock. The unpleasant sound coming out of the thief's mouth proves how excruciating it is.

The man's eyes wander. Many shocked faces are staring at him, including yours. "It's okay, I'm a cop," He explains.

In contrast to the crowd, the boy looks at his father in awe, gleefully clapping his hands.

"Charlie, why are you clapping? You're not supposed to clap at this. Oh my god, you are just like your father! Happy to see any aggression," The man rants as he takes out a cable tie from his trousers' pocket. You don't even know why he got cable ties in his pocket. He efficiently ties the perp's hands behind his back and forces him to sit.

Only then, the man addresses the crowd again, "Has anyone called 9-1-1?"

"I did. The police are on the way," One of the cafe's staff squeaks from the door, with a phone still in her hand.

"Excellent! Did you hear that? Your ride would be here soon," The man tightly squeezes the thief's shoulders. The thief could only reply with an agonized grunt.

Everybody else resumes their activities with a sporadic look to their table.

The boy picks up the stolen phone from the floor. It fell near his foot during the short scuffle. "Danno," He hands your phone over to his father.

"Ah, thanks, Charlie," The man ruffles the kid's hair and kisses the top of his head.

"I believe this is yours?" The man returns the phone to you. "Hope it's still working?" He cringes at the spiderweb marks on the phone screen.

"Thanks. Probably not. But it's alright." You smile at the man and offer to shake his hand, "Y/N Y/LN, thanks again for helping me,"

The man takes your hand, "Hey, no big deal. Danny Williams. And this is my son, Charlie," Danny brings Charlie in front of him. You extend your hand to Charlie as well.

All of a sudden, you hear voices yelling from behind you. "Danno! Charlie!"

You look back to see a tall, dark, imposing man and a beautiful teenage girl rushing in your direction. Charlie shouts back at them, "Daddy! Gracie!"

So you guess they must be Danny's husband and daughter.

This new man drops down to Charlie's level and checks on him, trying to see if he's injured. "Are you okay? Charlie?"

"Dad! Dad! Danno was soooo cool! He pushing and then flipping and then that man went aaargh!" Charlie re-tells the scene to his father, holding his elbow behind his back to show him.

Couldn't really understand his son's story, the man asks his husband to elaborate, "Danny, what's happening here? Why are you arresting this man?"

"I'm not arresting anybody, Steve. We don't have jurisdiction to make an arrest, you know? Since we are in LA, not Hawaii? I'm just holding this man until LAPD shows up," Danny clarifies to his husband, Steve.

"But why?" Steve is still confused.

"This guy here, what's your name?" Danny barks at the thief. But his mouth stays glued. "Really? Would you prefer my ex-SEAL here asking you the question?" Danny gestures in Steve's direction.

Steve stands tall. His hands are folded in front of his chest. His biceps bulge in his tight t-shirt. The thief's face turns green, looking fearful. Steve's scowl was probably not helping either.

"Danny?? What's going on here?" Steve begins to lose his patience.

"What?? It's no big deal, babe!" Danny yells back at Steve. "This guy here tried to nick this woman's phone. I'm just helping her," Danny motions in your direction.

"Y/N, here's my husband, Steve McGarrett, and our daughter, Grace," Danny continues to introduce you to his family. You shake their hands and exchanging simple pleasantries.

"As I said, I just helped Y/N to get her phone back. Now we are waiting for LAPD," Danny ends his explanation.

Shortly a police car comes, and two officers quickly take their statements. Initially, the police officers are bemused to find the thief already sat with his hands tied behind his back. After Danny explains that he is a Detective from Honolulu PD and how he prevented the attempted theft, the police officers understand the situation. They ask if you'd like to press charges on Tom Norris, that's the thief's name according to his ID. Considering you're not hurt, you decline on pressing charges. The police are gone with the thief sooner than you expected.

"Can I treat you lunch for your trouble? Shoot! A super late lunch?" You corrected after checking your watch.

"Hey, don't worry, it's no trouble at all," Danny says to you with a big smile.

"No, no, seriously. You guys were on holiday, I guess. But still bothered to help me. Lunch is the least I can do."

Before long, they arrange to get a table for five and talk a lot during the meal.

◢◤

"So you guys are from Hawaii? That's nice!" You tell the family.

"See, Danno? That's what you're supposed to say about Hawaii. You're the only one who describes Hawaii as a pineapple-infested hell hole," laments Steve to his husband.

"I'm just telling the truth, babe. How about you, Y/N? Where are you from?" Danny tries to find out.

"Originally from The Netherlands, Amsterdam. But I moved to Chicago last year," You reply.

"Now that, Steve, is a city that would appreciate seasonal changes," Danny nods his approval of Chicago.

"Only you, Danno, who whines about constant sunshine." Steve grumbles.

Grace and Charlie don't react much to their parents' bickering. Too used to their silliness. But you still find it quite funny.

"So you guys are here for vacation?" You ask the family.

"Kind of. We are on holiday. Also, we are visiting the colleges here for Grace, who will graduate high school next year," Steve throws his right arm around Grace's shoulder.

"Yes, we are on an excursion to prove to Grace that LA universities are not better than the University of Hawaii," Danny quips from Steve's left.

Grace whines at his father, "Danno..."

"Danny here doesn't want his children to be far away from him," Steve enlightens you. "But I think going to school in LA would be better than The Netherlands. Wouldn't it, babe?" Steve winks at Grace.

"Do not joke about that, Steven!" Danny elbows his husband hard.

Grace looks thoughtful for a moment, "Y/N, did you go to college in the Netherlands? What do you think my chance to study there?"

"Gracie, can I come with you to This Otherlands?" Charlie innocently chirps to his sister.

Steve is laughing so loud, even after Danny punches his arm.

"What about you, Y/N? What are you doing in LA? Are you on vacation too?" Danny questions you after the laughter receded.

"I'm here for work. Most of the time, I'd do it remotely from Chicago. But sometimes I have to make the trip here or to Amsterdam," You tell them.

"What do you do?"

"I'm a music producer," You give a simple answer.

"What instruments do you play?" Steve is curious. "Guitar?"

"Mostly piano and synthesizer. I do play guitar, but I'm just an okay guitar player. I wish I could play better,"

"Dad plays guitar too!" Charlie happily declares as he points at Steve.

You cheer at Charlie's enthusiasm, "Does he? That's great!"

"Yeah, he plays very well. Maybe Dad can teach you to play better," Charlie directs you.

"Oh, yes, that would be awesome," You wholeheartedly agree with Charlie, as the rest of the table laughing at the idea of Steve teaches music.

◢◤

"Danny, I was wondering if you could explain something to me," You turn to the man.

"Shoot," Danny nods as he puts down his juice glass.

"The arm lock that you did to the thief. Where did you learn that? Did Steve teach you that?" You ask him, genuinely want to know.

"Well, even though Steve here was the Navy SEAL," Danny glares at his husband, who replies with a smirk, "I have been working as a cop for more than 20 years now. I know some moves too,"

"But that's not a cop's move," You contradict him.

"How do you know any cop's moves?" Danny confronts you back.

"My boyfriend is a cop in Chicago," You give Danny a sheepish smile.

"Ah, I see. Did your boyfriend teach you self-defense?"

"He did. I'm nowhere near good as Jay. But it's a start," You answer Danny.

"Of course. If he's not good at it, then he's not a good cop," Danny comments without sounding too arrogant.

"Jay also taught me about guns. Personally, I don't like it, but he needs me to know about it, especially gun safety. So..." You shrug.

Danny nods his understanding, "Yeah. Be glad that he doesn't bring home grenades or other explosives," Danny gives Steve a stink eye. "Unlike some Super!SEAL here,"

Steve is immune to that look. It doesn't seem to affect him anymore.

You smile at their interaction, "Jay was an Army Ranger. After he came back, he went to Police Academy,"

"Really?" Steve looks interested.

"Oh, here we go," Danny sighs at his husband.

Steve grins but decides not to comment on it any further. He goes praising Danny instead.

"But Danny is being too modest here. He is a great fighter. Sometimes he's even better than me. Which lots of people find it surprising, considering I was a SEAL,"

"and don't you forget it, babe," Danny smirks at Steve, who returns it with a chaste kiss.

You sigh internally. Looking at the lovely couple made you miss your boyfriend, Jay.

"In all seriousness," Danny begins, "I practiced Jiu-Jitsu since high school. That's where the moves come from," He pauses to sip on his drink.

"I got my Blue Belt when I entered The Police Academy. For me, I think, I learned how to fight better in Jiu-Jitsu than what they taught us there," Danny continues.

"Do you also teach it to Grace and Charlie?" You ask the parents.

"Yeah. Danny taught them both as early as possible. Grace already got her Yellow Belt when we first met. Now she is working for her Purple Belt," Steve brags. Danny also looks so proud. Grace, though, tries so hard not to roll her eyes at her parents.

"Me too! I will get my Yellow Belt soon! Right, Danno?" Charlie exclaims.

"Of course you are kiddo. After that, you surely can beat your Dad here," Danny ruffles Charlie's hair. Steve offers his palm for a high five, but Charlie punches it instead. He giggles when Steve is faking to be hurt by Charlie's tiny fist.

"Do you think I could learn it too?" You inquire to Danny.

Danny and Steve look at each other. You're waiting for their answer, hoping that they will agree.

Before they decide anything, Grace interrupts, "We can go check out the place that Sensei Egan told us, Danno."

"Yeah, that's a great idea," Steve agrees to his daughter's suggestion. "We can check that dojo for Grace, meeting the instructor. Maybe could show some moves too for y/n,"

"Okay then. Grace, share the dojo address with y/n. We can meet you there tomorrow morning, what do you say, y/n?" Danny asks you.

You're supposed to fly back to Chicago next afternoon, but what the hell, you are very interested in this offer. "Yes, sure. If you don't mind me crashing your holiday plan again?"

"No, not at all. We need to check out that place anyway." Steve waves off your worry.

Grace passes her phone to you. "You can puy your number there. I will forward you the address,"

You tap your number to Grace's phone before groaning when you remember that your phone is dead. "Could you e-mail me instead? I don't think I could replace my phone soon,"

Danny doesn't even try to hold his laugh at your poor luck.

◢◤

The next day, you take an Uber to the gym. No, it's The Dojo. You correct yourself. When you step in, Charlie is shouting at you from across the room. "Y/N!" Standing next to his sister, Charlie crazily waves at you, worried that you could not see him.

You remove your shoes, placed them accordingly at the remarked spot. Walking towards Charlie and Grace, you see the Williams-McGarrett clan wear similar outfits with other people in The Dojo. The only differences between them are their belts. Danny wears a Black Belt with a red stripe, while Steve wears a Brown Belt. Grace has Blue Belt, and Charlie has a White one. Knowing that you will do some workout, you wear a black t-shirt and training pants. Definitely a contrast in a room full of jiu-jitsu outfits.

Danny and Steve are talking to a guy on the other side of the room. This guy has a Black Belt with more stripes than Danny's, indicating that he is the instructor here.

"Hey, guys. Good morning," You greet Grace and Charlie. They reply with a big smile.

"Just out of interest, do you guys always bring your uniform on your holiday?" You gesture to Grace's clothes.

Grace laughs at your question, "It is called Gi. Yes, we are always bringing them along on holiday," She laughs again at your shocked face. "No, I'm joking. It's because we know we will visit this dojo, so we have our Gi with us,"

Soon Danny and Steve come over to your side. "Hi, y/n. So I talked to Sensei Marcus there," Danny gestures to the guy he spoke to. "We are going to follow their training for today. You can watch from the side if you're not sure you want to do it. The first hour would be the class for Kids and Teens,"

You see Grace and Charlie lining up in the center of the room with other children. They seem to be divided by belts instead of age.

"The next hour would be the adult class," Danny pauses for a moment. "If you want my suggestion, I encourage you to join the Teens class. I hope you don't feel insulted by that."

You chuckle at his words, "Not at all. I understand,"

"If it's too much, don't hesitate to stop and move aside. Everyone will understand," Steve adds.

You exhale softly, readying yourself, "Okay," before joining the line.

The first fifteen minutes, they start with stretching. So far, you have no problems with it. You practice Yoga for the last few years. You know how to stretch.

The next one, they teach you how to fall correctly. Which turns out to be a hard thing to do. At first, an instructor's assistant helps you. After a few moments, she moves away to help others. But you're still not doing it right. So Danny pulls you aside and teaches you privately for the rest of the hour.

You fall so many times until it tired you out. You cannot even get up from the mat. Your shoulders would have been bruised with so many times you landed incorrectly.

"Still interested to learn this?" Danny grabs your hand to help you get up.

Even though the lesson exhausts you, you feel great. You learn a lot, even from doing the same thing over and over again. "Hell yeah!" You grin at Danny.

"Crazy woman!" Danny pats your shoulders. Right where it hurts the most. You can't help but flinch away.

"Hurt, wasn't it? Why don't you go sit down on the outside of the mat with Charlie?"

Charlie sits on one side of the mat, a bottle of water in his hand. He is watching Grace, who has her hands on Steve's Gi, trying to throw Steve down.

Danny silently pays attention to his husband and daughter on the mat. But you can see his hands slightly move as if he's the one sparring.

Shortly, Grace has a chance to push Steve. Steve lost his balance for a moment before countering her attack. Grace would've fallen down hard if Steve didn't hanging to Grace's Gi so tight to slow her fall.

"That's great, Grace," Steve says to his daughter as he helps her up. They bow to each other to end the spar. Danny is clapping from outside the mat, "Good job, Monkey,"

Of course, you and Charlie follow Danny's example to cheer for Grace.

You still sit on the side of the mat, now also accompanied by Grace. You watch the next class practice, where Danny and Steve spar with other students for about an hour.

After the class is done, Steve taps on Danny's shoulder, "Danny, could you help me with this move?" He nods in the direction of the mat.

Danny responds with rolling eyes at his husband's antics.

Grace runs commentary in the background, "Dad didn't actually need help from Danno. However, you're not allowed to ask a higher belt to spar with. It's a sign of disrespect. But Dad and Danno often work differently between each other,"

You see Danny and Steve taking place at a ready position. It takes time before anybody falls, or one locks each other. They move fluidly. When one throws the other, they quickly bring them down along then keep them in a lock. The locks are soon countered, and they back up again. The great thing is they look like they enjoy sparring with each other. They share a laugh whenever someone throws the other or someone holds the other in a lock. You find that very interesting.

The sparring ends when Danny makes a grappling move that Steve cannot counter, so he has to tap out.

After the sparring, Steve sits back with you and his kids while Danny goes over to Sensei Marcus. Steve asks your opinion about Jiu-Jitsu, whether you're still interested to learn it.

"Very much, yeah. The first thing I will do once I'm back in Chicago is to find a Dojo," You excitedly tell Steve.

"Well, lucky for you, Sensei Marcus here knows a lot of Jiu-Jitsu instructors," All of a sudden, Danny joins your conversation. Sensei Marcus stands beside him.

"Sure, if you want to keep learning Jiu-Jitsu, I will give you some references of my fellows in Chicago," Marcus informs you.

"That would be awesome!"

Marcus shakes your hand, "Good luck!" and moves to shake hands with the rest of the Williams-McGarrett family. "Thanks for visiting our dojo. Please come again whenever you're in LA,"

They all look tired, but their smiles beam as bright as Hawaiian sunshine.

◢◤

Two weeks later, in Chicago,

You see your boyfriend's truck parked in front of your house as you walk home from the bus stop. You walk much slower than you used to. Your body is hurting all over the place, but you feel elated.

The day after you came home from Los Angeles, Jay was caught in a hard case. He had to fly out to New York and liaised with NYPD SVU to solve it.

You missed him a lot, for sure. Jay called you whenever he could for these past two weeks. Texted you every day too. But you have not got the chance to tell Jay about your new interest in Jiu-Jitsu.

After your last trip to LA, you promptly checked out the Dojo that Sensei Marcus referred to you. You were thrilled to find out that it's only fifteen minutes bus ride from your house.

You met with one of the instructors there and asked for a private class. Because that's what Danny advised you to do. "After you have a better understanding of the lessons, then I want you to go train with other people at the dojo. But for the first five or six months, you might've been better with one-on-one lessons,"

The instructor, Professor Louisa, is delighted to provide. You work on a schedule three to four times a week. The professor initially suggested only two meets in a week. But considering your occasional trip abroad for work, you prefer to do more lessons when you're in town.

This is the third week you've been learning jiu-jitsu in Chicago. Scraps and bruises are inevitable. Jay would freak out if he saw them before you could explain to him.

Jay's flight back from New York landed about two hours ago. He must've been coming directly to your place from the O'Hare. The house smells amazing when you enter the room. Following your nose leads you to the kitchen. You find your boyfriend pulling out what seems to be garlic bread from the oven, "Hey, babe. You're back!"

"Hey, you! Perfect timing!" Jay secures the tray aside before stepping closer to you. He puts one hand on your waist, the other one on your back. Moving even closer to kiss you.

His passion makes you forget your bruises for a moment. When Jay pushes you playfully, your shoulder hits the nearest wall. You instantly cry out in pain. "Argh!"

"What's wrong?" Jay stops everything he's doing to you right away.

"Nothing, I just got some bruises," You rub the pain from your shoulder.

"How come?" Jay begins to take off your t-shirt to check on the bruises, but you move away from his grasp.

"Hold on. Let me take a shower. I must've been rank from sweat. Then I'll tell you everything," You kiss Jay one more time before going to the bedroom.

As you eat the pasta primavera that Jay made, you ask him about his case in New York, "How was it?"

"It's done. We did what we have to do,"

Not interested in talking about his case, Jay interrogates you instead, "So, where did you get the bruise? I swear, I only left the city for two weeks, and you're already in trouble," Jay shakes his head.

"I'm not! I just joined this gym. Dojo, I meant. I'm taking Jiu-Jitsu lessons!" You cheerfully tell Jay.

"You what?" Jay pauses from drinking his wine.

So you told Jay the whole story. About how someone tried to snatch your phone when you're in LA. How you met the Williams-McGarrett family from Hawaii. How they got you into jiu-jitsu.

"It's so fun, Jay. Yeah, sure, I got bruises and scraps. But whenever I got stuck with my work, I go have a practice at the dojo, and then I come home feeling energized," You confess to your boyfriend.

"Really?" Jay looks at you, disbelieving.

"Uhuh," You nod as you swallow your spaghetti. "You know what, you should come and see the dojo. It might interest you too,"

"I know about martial arts, babe. I taught you how to punch, remember?" Jay reminds you.

"Yes, you did," You say in giggles, "Professor Louisa said she won't teach me how to punch,"

"Of course, Jiu-jitsu has a different approach than other martial art, say karate. Or boxing," Jay puts down his fork on the empty plate. "You sure you enjoy it?"

You hold Jay's hand and look into his eyes, "I am. This is something I want to do seriously, Jay. I admit part of it comes from you and your job. Like you always said, I need to be able to defend myself. Because you think I could get drag into your case one day,"

Jay puts his other hand on top of yours, looking somehow regretful, "Babe..."

"No, no. But I also do this for myself. Even though my body hurts, I feel great about myself. I feel more confident. It's really inspiring,"

Jay brings your hand to his lips, "Okay then, as long as you're happy with it. But I'm still going to take you to the gun range,"

You roll your eyes in response, "Of course, you will,"

◢◤

A week later, Jay walks up to The Dojo on the second floor. Someone greets him at the entrance, "Hey, man. Can I help you?"

"I suppose to pick up my girlfriend. She is training with..." Jay tries to remember the instructor's name. "Louisa?"

"Ah, yes, Professor Louisa. You must be y/n's boyfriend. I'm Professor Andy, the head of this dojo," The man offers his hand.

"Jay Halstead," Jay shakes Andy's hand.

"I think she will finish in ten minutes. You wanna see her practice?"

"Sure. If it would not be disturbing?" Jay hesitates.

"Not at all. Y/n is the only one in there right now," Andy directs Jay inside the dojo. He asks Jay to remove his shoes before stepping into the room.

Jay watches his girlfriend silently. He winces a couple times when you fall down. But he is amazed to see you immediately stand up again.

"She's resilient, your woman is,"

Jay chuckles at Andy's remark, "Yes, she is,"

Shortly after you bow to your instructor, you see Jay standing on the side with Professor Andy.

You walk towards them with a smile, "I see you met my boyfriend, Prof,"

"I did, yeah," Andy nods. "I don't think Jay would be interested in jiu-jitsu, though," He comments.

"Correction, I'm not interested to see you got thrown down repeatedly," Jay points out.

"Hey!" You hit Jay's arms as both Professors laugh at you.

"But that's how we are supposed to learn. If you don't know how to fall, you won't get back up again," Louisa says serenely.

Andy hums his agreement before ushering you out. "Alright, get out of here, you lovebird,"

When you're in the locker room, changing your Gi, Jay approaches Andy again. But before Jay could say anything, Andy hands a leaflet to him.

"Y/N told me you're a police officer. You might be interested in these classes,"

Jay takes it with a laugh, "Thanks, man. I'll check it out," He puts the leaflet on his jacket pocket and pulls out his card.

"If anything happens when Y/N is here. Or if you need anything I can help with, please give me a call," Jay sounds solemn.

Andy takes the card, "Don't worry, man. We take good care of our students here,"

"I know," Jay nods.

Soon you come out with a gym bag on your shoulder. "See you next week, Prof!"

Andy waves to the couple, "Bye, y/n. See you again, Jay!"

◢◤

Two years later,

You step out of the record store in Pilsen empty-handed, failing to find the vinyl you're looking for. You start walking west to the bus stop when you hear a commotion ahead.

You see a guy pushing people out of his way. He keeps looking behind his back like he's running from something.

"Police! Get out of the way!" You hear other voices shouting.

So this guy seems to be running from the police, you thought to yourself.

The man tries to shove you aside, but your reflex is much better. Your hands instantly grab the front of his shirt. When he tries to push you away, your right foot finds his inner left calf and sweeps him down.

When he tries to move away from your grasp, you lean down and grip his right wrist tightly with your right hand. You put your right elbow beside his right ear while your left elbow is placed underneath his elbow. Your left-hand moves to hold your right wrist from below his right hand. His arm is essentially locked when your left bicep snugs against his right tricep. You raise your elbow slightly from the surface. The more he wiggles his way out, the higher you raise his elbow from the surface, the more painful the lock is.

You hear an impressed whistle from above. When you look up, you find Jay and Hailey standing in front of you. Jay gets a huge grin on his face while Hailey is sporting a shocked look.

"Nice takedown, babe," Jay compliments you.

"Thanks. You might wanna take over from here, though," You say to your boyfriend as you hear few more steps rushing towards you.

You loosen the lock after you are sure Jay gets his hand on the perp. He grabs the suspect up from the floor and pushes him towards the wall.

You find a hand extends in front of your face, offering to help you stand up. You look up to see it was Hailey. You take her hand with a soft thanks.

Once you're back on your feet, you look around to see the other members of the Intelligence Unit staring at you. Adam, Kim, and Kevin are mirroring Hailey's initial look of surprise. Jay's boss, Hank Voight, looks impassive as always. But you catch an amused twitch at one corner of his lips.

"Man, at least give me time to feel my hand again! That bitch could break my arm, you know!" you hear the perp complaining when Jay prepares to cuff him.

Without saying anything in response, Jay folds the perp's wrist inside. The perp yells even louder because of the wristlock.

Kevin moves to take the man away from Jay before any further damage could happen. He ushers the perp right away to a nearby cop car.

Jay turns to check on his girlfriend, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." You nod back at him.

"I didn't know you could do that, Y/N," Hailey tells you. "You never tell me that your girlfriend practiced any martial arts," She continues to slap Jay's shoulder.

You answer with a sheepish smile, "It's kinda new,"

"Blue Belt in Jiu-Jitsu is not "kinda new" babe," Jay elbows you playfully.

The team boss pats your shoulder once before walking back to his car, "Good job, Y/LN,"

Kim, who's partnered up with Voight today, quickly follows. But not before inviting you for drinks, "You have to tell me all about this over drinks!"

"See? Even Voight agrees. We'll make a cop-out of you soon, Y/N," Adam offers his fistbump to you.

You meet his with your fistbump but shake your head, laughing, "Not in a million years, Ruzek,"

He only replies with his laugh and walks towards Kevin and the perp.

Jay puts his arm around your shoulders with a huge smile, "C'mon, Kev and Ruz can take care of the perp for a while. Hailey and I will drop you home."

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Though I Can't Recall Your Face, I Still Got Love For You

Summary: Spencer’s always been ambivalent about his birthday, but self proclaimed lover of birthday’s Y/N attempts to change that.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Warnings: Spencer’s kind of a sad bitch. Question: Why do I like writing sad Spencer?

Word Count: 2.5 K- ish

Author’s Note: prompts come from here this one is 4,8,25 from @shemarmooresfedora !! please go check out her blog on here and on Ao3!! Also, I’m stilling taking requests for numbers. I’ll update for which ones have been taken 💕

Though I Can’t Recall Your Face, I Still Got Love for You

Birthdays were always hard when all you had to do is go home to an empty house. No sounds of friends crowding the dining room table, no laughter from family members, no well wishes or pats on the back. All there is, is the stillness of silence and the emptiness of solitude. Spencer thought that he was used to it. He remembers the way the sun felt on his face the morning he woke up on his 18th birthday. His first thought wasn’t it’s my day, but it’s the day I put my mom away. The day Spencer became a man, was the first day he really wished he was a little boy again.

Ever since then, birthdays have always been a sore spot for Spencer. They just bring up sour tasting memories of his mother refusing to get out of bed or his father staying late at work to avoid coming home to a wife who doesn’t remember her own husband or a son who he can’t seem to understand. Birthdays, for Spencer, have always been just another day. Or at least, that’s what Spencer tells himself on the long ride up the elevator to the 6th floor of the BAU.

The bullpen is dark when Spencer walks out from the elevator. Paperwork and manila folders clutter the desks. Even Spencer’s workspace seems to reflect himself: frozen in time. He sits at his desk, a photograph of him and his mother placed at the right corner smiles up at him. A newer photograph, one of him and Y/N, sits right next to the one with his mom. There’s one with Derek and Penelope, one with him and Gideon at his Academy graduation, and one with him and JJ, who’s holding Henry. One of him and Luke at a bar, Penelope in the background drunk and singing.

Spencer loves photographs, but recently he’s been obsessed with them. Ever since his mother’s diagnosis, the fear that would ever forget the faces that find a home in his heart paralyzes him. These pictures may very well one day tell a much more older, much more grayer Spencer the story of his life. Today, in his mind, is another day closer to his fate.

His birthday means he’s another day closer to forgetting the way Y/N eyes sparkle when she drinks too much rose, or Henry’s laugh at Spencer’s magic tricks, or feeling when Derek calls him his brother. No one, not even Y/N, knows that Spencer has a drawer filled up of photographs he’s collected over the years. He can’t deal with forgetting the principles of electromagnetism, but forgetting his family? Spencer wouldn’t have anything left, but the smiling faces of familiar strangers, whose names are just out of reach.

Spencer rubs his eyes with the ball of his palm. He knows he’s not going to get work done. Spencer spins in his swivel chair and he’s nearly startled out of his quiet thoughts when his phone rings.

“Dr. Spencer Reid,” he says, swallowing his emotions as he shuts the drawer on the shiny faces.

“You really need to start checking your caller ID, Spence,” Y/N says, with a chuckle. Spencer can practically feel the way she’s smiling. For some reason, her teasing never made him feel bad.

“Well, what do I owe this pleasure?” Spencer asks. He drums his fingers on his desk, waiting for Y/N to respond.

“It seems like we have a missing person case,” Y/N starts, “6’2 male, brown hair, some say his eyes are green and some say they’re brown, so we’ll go with hazel, and he’s like ridiculously smart, but also kind of dumb for avoiding his girlfriend on his birthday,”

Spencer sighs as he launches himself into a long spin in his chair. He’s not surprised that Y/N is calling him; she’s always loved birthdays. She’s always been someone to someone. It’s taken some time to adjust to the fact that Spencer is Y/N’s someone.

“Are you coming to rescue me?” Spencer asks sheepishly. He leans back in his chair, watching the elevator. Y/N might think she’s slick, but Spencer’s sure he knows her better than he knows geographical profiling.

“Maybe, can you tell me how fast elevators can travel up to the 6th floor?”

Spencer opens his mouth, ready to fire statistics on top of statistics, but is silenced by Y/N’s arrival. Spencer tries to remain neutral, remain ambivalent about this day being something more than any other day, but Y/N makes it difficult.

As soon as her feet leave the elevator she launches herself at Spencer, not caring that he’s less than capable of catching anything. In a tangle of arms and legs, Y/N manages to sit herself on Spencer’s lap. His hand snakes around her waist; he holds her so tight that it’s almost like he’s afraid she’s going to get blown out like birthday candles on a cake.

“I can’t believe you thought you could sneak out and come to work, on your birthday of all days,” Y/N says quietly, she threads her fingers through Spencer’s hair. She likes how long it’s gotten and his curl pattern is almost fully restored to their original health from before he went to prison.

“How’d you find me?” Spencer asks, thinking that birthdays might not be so bad if they all involve Y/N sitting in his lap and trying to braid his hair.

“Do you seriously have to ask that? Only the Oracle of Quantico,” Y/N teases and Spencer rolls his eyes, thinking he should have known that Garcia would be the one to track his location for Y/N.

“It’s vaguely illegal for a federal agent to tap into those databases, especially for a civilian,” Spencer counters. Y/N, smiling at him, dips her head down to press light kisses on his eyebrows and down the bridge of his nose.

“So’s an ex-Army Ranger giving me his key card to sneak into the BAU,”

“Luke’s in on this too,” Spencer tries to sound upset, but his heart swells at the thought of Penelope, Luke, and Y/N all instigating for his birthday.

“Of course he is, I had to bring out the big guns for my Spencer’s birthday,” Y/N quips. Her fingers climb up Spencer’s sides, tickling him. She likes the kind of laugh that he lets out when she tickles him. It’s a laugh that’s unguarded and full of life. It’s a laugh that doesn’t hold anything back. It’s a laugh that relieves the pressure that festers deep inside him.

Y/N’s hands may make him laugh, but nothing makes him beam more than hearing Y/N call him “my Spencer”. She says it so simply, like my doesn’t even exist, like it’s an involuntary muscle being flexed. For Y/N, loving Spencer came as easy and effortless as breathing.

“You do love birthdays,” Spencer says, looking up at Y/N. He spins them around in his swivel chair, giggling as she lets out a gleeful squeal. Spencer grows dizzy, but he thinks he’s dizzier from Y/N’s love than from spinning in his chair.

“I love your birthday more than any other day, even my birthday,” Y/N says, getting up from Spencer’s lap to pick up the canvas grocery bags she brought with her.

“I was never one for birthdays,” Spencer says quietly. Y/N, more than anyone, knows Spencer’s challenging past. She knows his fears and she knows his dreams. She haunts his every waking moment; somehow a mercurial threat and a constant promise at the same time.

“I know, but I’m sure I’ll make you grow to love them,” Y/N says, “I wasn’t sure which flavor you wanted so I got all of them. Wawa has a surprisingly good selection of Turkey Hill,”

She takes out three gallon sized cartons of ice cream. One coffee with chocolate chips, one butter pecan, and one Moose Tracks. She hands Spencer a spoon and a napkin before sitting down on the floor and opening a carton of the ice cream.

“I do love dairy,” Spencer says, eyeing the ice cream, but considering the consequences of eating the creamy desert. Spencer shoves the statistics about the effects of dairy on a 40 year old with lactose intolerance down and takes his spot next to Y/N on the floor.

He goes to open his carton of ice cream, coffee with chocolate chips, but before he can dig his spoon into the tub, Y/N grabs his wrist.

“No! Spence, wait. Here, take these. And you need to light it,” she says, plopping a couple lactose pills in his hand and digging out a pack of candles and a lighter from her bag.

“Y/N are you out of your mind! We can’t light something in the BAU, god, Emily will kill me,” Spencer says nervously.

“Spence, do you really think Emily Prentiss is going to give me shit for lighting a candle for your birthday in the middle of the office. That woman lives on the edge,” Y/N waves him off and lights a single candle.

Spencer, staring at the lit candle, listens as Y/N sings “Happy Birthday” to him. Sitting criss cross on the floor of the BAU, he watches as the candle light illuminates Y/N’s face. She looks almost ghostly in the dark with the flickering light making her eyes glow. Y/N wishes the song and grasps his hand and squeezes hard.

“Make a wish, baby,” Y/N tells him. She really believes in wishes. Spencer wishes he could believe in wishes. He desperately wants to believe that Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos are somehow tying knots in the places where his string has been cut.

But more than anything, Spencer can’t bear to forget the face of the women across from. He can’t bear to one day not recognize the way her hand feels in his. He can’t accept the possibility of Y/N being anything less than the person he knows best in this world. Spencer doesn’t particularly care for the metaphor of the light going out. But his fears are put at bay when Y/N leans over and pecks his cheek. He can feel her grinning against his skin and like some virus contracted through touch, it’s contagious. Y/N breaks apart from Spencer and motions for him to eat some ice cream. They sit, shoulder to shoulder, against the front of Spencer’s desk eating their ice cream.

“Thank you, for making my birthday special. It’s been a hard year,” Spencer says, letting the tension in the air speak for itself, “my mom didn’t remember me the other day. I hate seeing her like that,”

“I know, sweetheart. You’ve been through so much. That’s why you need to tell me these things,” She says, setting down her ice cream. Y/N places her hands on Spencer’s shoulders, guiding him to place his back against her chest. His head rests in the crook of her neck. Spencer can feel her steady heart beat against his back. It’s a constant, patterned drum amidst the chaos of his mind.

“Can we take a picture, you know, just to remember this day,” Spencer asks, his voice laced with trepidation. He can feel Y/N nod, and move to grab her phone from her pocket.

Spencer sits up and scoots over to open the bottom drawer of his desk. He pulls out an old camera, one where you have to wait for the picture to appear on the print out. He likes the charm in older things, you really have to work for it. He likes the effort that you have to put into getting the picture made.

“Going old school, I see,” Y/N teases as she catches sight of Spencer’s old camera. He returns to his spot, snuggled against her back. Their legs stick out on the floor, his much longer than Y/N’s. Her arms snake around his torso, holding him tight. Spencer holds the camera out, facing them to capture their faces in some archaic selfie style.

The light flashes before Spencer’s eyes, and Y/N’s kiss on the top of his head burns a hole that instantly leaves him craving more. He’d let her draw any pattern she desires, as long as her kisses are the medium and he is her canvas.

“Can you tell me what you wished for?” Y/N asks, her voice low.

Spencer, looking off into the distance, makes a disgruntled noise. He can feel Y/N’s fingers crawl up his sides and her arms encasing his body. She’s shielding him from his demons, but little does she know that the most menacing foe is his mind.

“You’re really not supposed to, but considering you’re my wish I think you have the right to know,” Spencer offers, “I wished that I’ll never forget you. Never forget this life we made together,” He feels his chest constrict. Mentioning his fear makes it seem more palpable; more real.

“Spencer, have you felt that way for a long time?,”

Spencer takes a deep breath, letting the floodgates open.

“I’ve felt like this my whole life, Y/N. I’m terrified to forget you. To forget our children that I haven’t even met yet. Forget who I am. I’m terrified that I’m going to leave you behind in a murky past that I can never remember,” Spencer says. He chokes back the pain. He doesn’t want Y/N memories of him to be marred by fear and darkness.

“This is about your mom, right. Spencer, listen to me. I’ll love you even if that comes true. I don’t need you to recall my face to know you still got love for me. And you're not leaving me behind. I won’t allow that. I’m not leaving you behind, baby,” Y/N says, her voice the most soothing cure.

She’s a power mixture of biochemicals and neurotransmitters. She heals him at an epigenetic level and restores him piece by piece. Her medicine is love.

Or maybe her love is his medicine.

“I’ve never been this scared of losing something, because I never had someone to lose,” Spencer mumbles, he twists his head so his breath is warm against Y/N’s neck. Somehow in this twisted position, Spencer has never felt safer.

“You can’t lose something that can’t be lost, my Spencer. I’m not going anywhere,”

“I love you to the moon and to Saturn,” Spencer says kissing along Y/N’s collarbones.

Like the pictures in the drawer, Spencer tucks away the fears of the future. He swallows the threat of forgetting everything because the promise of love swallows him whole. He craves a future with Y/N with the possibility of forgetting who she is over the life he’d live if he left her behind.

She said it best, even if one day he can’t recall her face, he’ll still have love for her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tell me what you thought!

Taglist!

@shemarmooresfedora

@willowrose99

@calm-and-doctor

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance! juyeon  birthday present for him and one of my best friends! | tw: drowning 

a soft splash of water cascades down the side of your arm and you turn your head, still floating, to see eric waving you toward him

flipping over, you dive down into the ocean and push yourself toward his direction

coming up for air - you see his eyes sparkle as he whispers, “let’s go scare chanhee!”

you scrunch up your nose and tell eric that’s not nice but he just insists he has to get back at him. did you forget the incident at the beach two days ago? you know, with the ice-cream?

you roll your eyes - recalling some argument over chanhee grabbing the last mango pop or something - but eric is gone before you can answer

you watch him doggy paddle to where chanhee and younghoon are - wrapping his arms around the other boy and pulling him down into the water

the shouts of shock and laughter wring around you like bells, everything is so happy and sweet, just how summer should be like

but something feels weirdly empty 

you look up to your left where some of your other friends are, cuddled up against each other, even in the heat people in love just gravitate to each other

to your right are strangers, strangers clearly in the middle of their own summertime loves

all of a sudden - in the middle of a crowded, bustling ocean - you are hit with loneliness

when am i going to find someone who loves me?

you sink a little down, haloed by the oceans water, when you hear another sound

this one isn’t joyful, in fact it sounds like terror, and you turn to see a flaying hand only a couple of meters away

your body freezes - is that person drowning? - your muscles act before you do, propelling you down back into the water and toward the murky outline of the figure

you’re a decent enough swimmer, making it to the person - a small boy - just in time to do something

but do what? you’ve never saved someone before, do you carry him - do you -

“help get him on my back!”

the new voice comes from your side, you turn and see that you aren’t the only person who has made it to the boy

this person, all cut angles and seriousness, is wearing the lifeguards whistle around his neck and a wave of relief overtakes you

“ok!”

you do as you’re instructed and the lifeguard tilts his head toward the shore

you follow behind him and scramble up the sand - hand on the boys back as you watch everything play out in slow motion

all you’re aware of is that you’re down beside the boy, you’re watching the lifeguard do CPR, his mother and father scurry over, people are talking and yelling

then the boy jerks up - coughing and doubling over - the lifeguard is asking him something and you don’t even notice till everything is ok

that you’re holding the boys hand in your own

it’s a blur after that - after the parents thank you and the lifeguard, named juyeon, over and over.

and now - you’re sitting in a small cabin off the boardwalk, the lifeguards cabin, and you’ve got a towel on your shoulders and eric is asking if you’re ok now

you smile and say you are - just in the time for juyeon to come out of an adjoining office room and you get to look at him seriously for the first time 

he’s tall, with wet dark hair pushed back from his forehead. 

a light golden tint runs down through his muscular proportions and his eyes are ... 

they’re captivating 

long and outlined by a perpetual darkness, long eyelashes to envy over, and a brown that almost looks onyx under the light

he’s shirtless, wearing just the bright orange swim shorts and that whistle

he comes over and crouches in front of you with a smile full of kindness, puts a hand on your knee that makes your entire body ignite

“thank you for helping me today, whats your name?”

eric answers for you and you’re thankful because up close his apparent beauty is way more to handle than you had imagined

words - no matter how hard you try to think of one - don’t even manage to formulate in your mind

that hand on your knee pats your skin, giving it a little squeeze before juyeon stands back up and says he’s gotta go back out - his shift isnt over

eric thanks him and when he’s gone, you hear him chuckle

“you know you’re drooling, right?”

that summer - you go to the beach every damn day you can

you tell your friends you’re just trying to get some workouts in, you know swimming uses all your body’s muscles

but no one is fooled

because you’re not the only one with what becomes known as “juyeon fever” around town

he just moved here, took a summer job lifeguarding at the local beach, and - to only add to your dream boy list - drives a cool looking sports bike to and from work

you get to the beach early one day, trying to hide your identity with a ridiculously sized sun hat and issue of the paper you stole from the grocery store - to see him pull up for his shift

he’s wearing those swim shorts, same color as his bike, and a hawaiian print shirt in navy (unbuttoned and fluttering behind him as he pulls up and parks)

he pulls the helmet off, shaking his hair lose, and you nearly curse to yourself - what is this? am i some extra in a movie all about juyeon, because he looks like the main character of a blockbuster for sure. baywatch level.

when he turns in your direction - you hide behind the sunday sudoku and hope he doesn’t notice - but suddenly the sound of feet on sand get louder and louder

he says your name and you try to compose yourself as you lower the paper

you smile, and ask if juyeon is here to start work

he plops himself freely down on the sand beside your towel and pushes the shirt off as he says he is, but he’s a little early

you avert your gaze and even as the sun beats down on you both, you feel yourself freeze when juyeon mentions he’s seen you around the beach alot

“well - it’s summer.”

you explain and juyeon laughs, and even that sound is perfect

“that’s true - the ocean is the best place to be in the summer.......and all the time.”

you see him stare out at the calm waves, his usual sweet smile still on his face, but those eyes of his look like they’re searching through a memory

“do you swim even in winter?”

you joke and he laughs again, “i do, at the indoor pools. oh - by the way your friend eric invited me to a barbeque are you going to be there?”

barbeque? what barbequ - your eyes widen as you remember that it is THAT barbeque the one you were supposed to come over and help set up

“right, yes i am - i actually i promised id buy the plates and stuff so i have to go-”

you scramble, rolling up your towel and reaching for your bag when juyeon says

“oh - id give you a ride back but my shift starts in five. ill see you there then?”

a ride on the back of your bike? - is what you want to ask, knees going weak at the thought - but all you do is nod, dumbfolded smile on your own face

he waves as you make your way up the sun and you don’t even have time to get giddy because your phone rings and its exactly who you think it is.

eric’s voice from the other side chides; “hey, where are you!? haknyeon just dropped the watermelon all over my kitchen!”

you keep looking at your watch

the little minute hand ticks to 11:39 and you wonder if juyeon is really going to come

the party has already been going on for a good three hours - the summer moon sparkling up above the strings of lights in eric’s backyard

everyone you know is already here and you know the public beach closes at 8:30 so it’s not as if juyeon is still on his shift

not unless something bad happened.........or he’s decided to skip out on the barbeque to go do something else, you know, which someone else-

just as you set down your drink, little umbrella pathetically floating to the empty bottom, you hear the reave of a bike

everyone else hears it too because the chatter gets more excited and you hear his name float from one person to another

“is that juyeon?” “isn’t that the hot lifeguard?” “oh my god, do you think he’s single?”

you try to hide your own anticipation - not cool to get so excited over a boy right? - but the butterflies flap in your stomach and you just turn away

if he wants to talk to you he can come up to you and if he doesn’t then well it’s his -

“hey, sorry im late - do you know where i can put these?”

you turn and see juyeon there - for the first time he’s not wearing those neon swim shorts, but a pair of black denim jeans

the shirt, still hawaiian print, is slightly buttoned this time but you can still clearly see the dip of his chest and the pretty silver chain that rests on the jut of his collarbones

he waves the bags full of chips he picked up on his way over and you lead him toward the refreshments table, every pair of eyes on the two of you

“did you get stuck at the beach?”

you try to make conversation 

“oh no, my bike had a flat tire so i had to get that fixed before i came over.”

“oh! well eric is inside if you want to-”

juyeon is looking at you, you can feel it because the intensity of his gaze is unmatched, and you don’t know why but you can’t meet it

he tilts his head and then agrees - he’ll go see eric, but he’ll come back

when he’s gone you let out the breath you’ve been holding and try to scurry away from the gazes that have wavered on you and juyeon the whole fifteen or so minutes he’s even been here

you find solace inside, past the kitchen and near the back staircase where the guest bathroom is

you’ve been in eric’s house enough times that you know it’s a perfect hiding spot so you don’t bother closing the door

you just lean back against the sink and cross your arms - what are you going to do now? juyeon is here, but that doesn’t mean anything. 

plus every last single person at this party has him on their radar

what makes you any different? the fact that you helped him ONCE?

and you didn’t even do anything that serious......you had just been there at the same moment he was......

“ah - sorry, i didn’t know anyone was here.”

you look up suddenly and juyeon is in front of you again

he has this cute, flustered expression on his face - he starts saying something about how eric told him to use the mirror in here since the main bathroom might have a line in front of it and blah blah blah

you step forward and you think it’s whatever was in that tiny little umbrella drink you had that makes you put a hand on juyeon’s shoulder and stop him mid sentence

“can you take me on that bike ride now?”

the second you ask - you think regret starts to bubble in your chest - but juyeon just breaks into another of those heart melting smiles

“of course. i actually....” he scratches the back of his neck “i actually dont really like big parties.”

you’re remembered of those lovers you had seen at the beach, tangled in each other despite the summer heat, as you press a little tighter against juyeon’s back

the wind from the bike flutters your hair - and you feel his strong figure through the thin fabric of that ridiculous shirt he’s always wearing

you close your eyes, thinking back to the shocked expression on everyones face as juyeon had pulled you through them and toward his parked bike

how they had looked so confused - and eric had just shot you a thumbs up from the back step of his door

your heart beats heavy in your ears and at the end of your fingertips you feel the flex of juyeon’s abs in response to your tight hold. it feels so intimate.

juyeon stops at the only place you’d expect him too, the beach

it looks serene and beautiful in the darkness of the summer night

the sand isn’t as scorching as usual and the waves only kiss the shore slightly

you and him walk down toward it - feet reaching just the edge before you run back to avoid getting wet

juyeon laughs and runs toward you, strong arms picking you up and before you know it, you’re up in the air and dangling above the water

you’re telling him to not let you go, no matter what and juyeon is chuckling promising over and over he won’t he won’t

i will never let you go

your laughing and playing around leaves you breathless, when you and juyeon lay back down on the sand and stare up at a starless sky

just that summer moon glistening down on you both

“why did you become a lifeguard by the way?” you ask - just to break the comfortable silence

“because i love the ocean, but know it can be a scary place too.”

you turn to look at his profile, even more perfect inches away

“i like that about it, that it’s both beautiful and a little dangerous. i like things that have that duality.”

“so you must like love too?”

you don’t even mean to say it, it simply slips from your lips and juyeon turns to face you

his smile turns to another expression, more earnest and soft

“yes, i do.”

you swallow, “ i do too, that’s why im looking for it.”

the silence that follows is coated with the midnight waves and insects that come out only in the warm months

before, when you couldn’t meet his gaze, you were just being shy and afraid

now you are vulnerable and staring back - deep into those darker than the earth browns when suddenly his large hand comes gently up to your waist

his eyes don’t leave yours, not until you’ve been pushed up flush against him in the sand and they close in time with yours as his lips ghost over yours

polite, without having to be, he whispers - can i? and you whisper back - you can.

the first kiss is chaste and pure, vanilla bean ice-cream flavored with a little speckle of a firework. 

it’s after you breach this first step that you both decide you can do better than that.

juyeon pulls you ontop of him, rolling his back deeper into the sand as you sit up on his hips and push your hands into the flimsy fabric of his shirt

it gives way, off his broad shoulders and you lean down to press kisses down from the edge of his jawline to the curve of his long throat, and then down to his shoulders

the entire time, his large hands seize you in place by your waist, he makes sounds of wordless pleasure and when you bite down into that perfect skin of his you feel like you’re marking an untouched beauty

he runs one hand up to the back of your neck and he pulls you in back to his mouth

sitting up easily as his tongue runs across the seal of your lips, you get yourself comfortable in the crook of his lap - pressed to the bare skin of his chest

this kiss tastes of fiery spice, multiple fireworks - a whole parade 

and when you grind down slightly juyeon makes an animalistic echo that runs from his lips to your spine and you think you could really just let him slip whatever you’re wearing off 

but just as you separate to help him with the task, you hear the screech of a car pull up

“who is there? the beach is closed!”

you pull back off of juyeon and gather yourself up - juyeon jumps to his feet too and you turn to help him button his shirt back up so you two look like you haven’t just been making out for god knows how long

the voice calls again, “hey - you two - you know the beach is closed right!”

you see the officer’s figure and wave back

“oh we didn’t know! we’ll leave in a moment!”

the officer motions for you two to get back up to the street and you and juyeon try not to laugh as he lectures you two on public decency

after that, juyeon drives you back on his bike and although you are more than willing to invite him back inside with you, all you do is share another kiss on your doorstep

“i should at least take you on a date before, you know?” 

he mutters against your lips and you roll your eyes - modesty in this day and age?

“fine, but after that we have all summer.”

and you do have all summer. despite the fact that half the towns population is seething with jealousy about it.

you have the entire summer to bask in the unfiltered, sweet, and hot like the sun romance you have wished for for so long

meeting up with juyeon after his shifts, taking bike rides to other towns, picnics, amusement parks, dates shopping because you need him out of that hawaiian shirt, and get togethers with your friends as everyone else who is coupled off sticks to their other half and you ......... you stick to yours, juyeon

little kisses before he has to go to work - little hand touches when you’re sitting around eric’s dinner table playing monopoly as chanhee schemes you all out of your properties - arm around your waist when you go out to dinner

and pressing close in the depths of his room or yours, the sound a symphony of little noises and the buzz of the fan on your naked skins

its a summer that you only thought was possible in a movie or at least in someone elses life, not yours

and when embarrassing tell juyeon about your theory that he’s the main character of a summer romcom blockbuster

he looks at you clearly and smiles, “and so are you - since you’re my love interest right?”

you feel a flush overtake you and you laugh, say something about how you’re not star quality, and juyeon just pulls you back into him

“what are you talking about, you’re the only star for me.”

and you don’t expect him to remember that little line all these years later

when you’re standing with your toes in the sand, back at the beach you and juyeon fell in love with so long ago

you point to the lifeguard chair and joke

“i used to watch you and think you belonged on baywatch or something - you know everyone was in love with you right?”

his hand is a comfortable, knowing weight on the curve of your waist

“well i was only in love with you.”

you scrunch your nose up and lean in to peck his lips

“that’s sweet.”

“i mean, you were the only star for me.” 

you turn, juyeon’s face - still handsome even though more mature - seems to flash for a second with a look he had when you two were much younger

“the only star for me then and now.” 

[sleepyyghostt]

Idk shit about dsmp but I know shit about homestuck. What more do they have in common (besides the Dave-looking little man)

It's not so much the story (though I'm sure you could find parallels with some digging considering how expansive homestuck is) but on a cultural level I've always considered the dsmp fandom to be the next homestuck fandom

Both have unprecedented fanbase size and influence for their times (with a lot of ppl in their baby's-first-fandom stage, giving a similar impression to outsiders) and the storytelling method of the source material for each is super unconventional and done thru very strange mediums. and they're both incredibly cringe in a similar sort of way (I SAY THIS LOVINGLY!!!!!) the general "what the fck is this" vibe combined with it being cool as hell and very fun matches each other imo

There's also a lot of just batshit insane stuff in each, right alongside a serious plot. Like, the homestuck betty crocker from baking as a villain plot points feel right at home alongside dsmp lore about the wilbur soot fishfucking fox birth, y'know? You could list infinite things on both sides that have these vibes. Just, generally, the tonal whiplash of things included in the story that are endlessly jokey but also taken seriously is a big part of both of them.

I kinda skimmed over the fanbase size earlier but the cultural impact of both fandoms can't be overstated. Like honestly, that's the main thing connecting them. When homestuck happened it sent shockwaves through all of internet culture in a way that after it ended, there was a general consensus that a fandom on that level could never happen again. but I think it HAS happened again, at least, it really feels like it in some ways

Also, you can say that homestuck is bad and homestuck fans will agree with you, in the same way that you can say dream smp is bad and dream smp fans will agree with you! (despite both of them, when it comes down to it, being pretty good, actually!)

Its not the same as the homestuck fandom BUT it feels like the modern incarnation of that sort of fandom, if that makes any sense???

If anyone has any thoughts on this topic id love to hear about em :D

[hermannsthumb]

Maria. *Grabs your face* MARIA. I would LOVE to see 15 bobbing for apples from the autumn fic meme written by you. Nothing would delight me more!

Anonymous asked: Halloween prompt #15 please!!... "Bobbing for apples but we meet accidentally underwater lady and the tramp style." OR "I thought we'd have fun bobbing for apples but you actually hate it and are really mad now"

15. Bobbing For Apples

from autumn fic prompts here

KATE ❤️__ ❤️for you id write anything... and anon the lady and the tramp scenario is so fucking funny/good

---------------------------

It’s a really good thing that Hermann has Newt, because if Newt’s being honest, he has no damn clue what the poor dude would do without him. Work himself to death, probably. Or spend every Saturday night alone in his bunk. So depressing. Newt considers it his big charitable act of—well, of all time—to force Hermann into social functions, whether it's fun nights out at the bar (with Newt!), or down the hall a few feet for awesome movie marathons in Newt’s quarters (with Newt!), or something like tonight, which is a super awesome and fun Halloween party that, like, everyone on the base was invited to (including Newt!).

Hermann was all set to spend another night alone (probably changing the batteries in all his calculators or rearranging the hangers in his closet) when Newt dragged him out, more or less by the collar of his argyle sweater, with multiple threats to make his life a living hell the following week in the lab if he didn't comply immediately. "Seriously, dude," Newt had said, ominously, while Hermann looked at him like a furious cat ready to take a swipe, "you're gonna put in those vampire fangs and get drunk with me, or you're gonna regret it. I mean it." Newt was not opposed to blasting the shittiest depths of his Spotify account over his bluetooth speakers or using Hermann's favorite coffee mug to hold his dissection tools. Luckily for both of them, Hermann decided the risk wasn't worth it.

Newt knows Hermann is bound to recognize how selfless Newt is being and thank him for it eventually. Probably. Maybe a few years from now. For now, Newt is enjoying the warm and fuzzy feeling of having done a good deed, and also of drinking a considerable amount of spiked punch.

Hermann is not enjoying either.

"I did, in fact, have plans for tonight," he tells Newt, sipping his ginger ale and observing Newt with a fierce scowl. He flat-out refused the booze Newt tried to push on him. It's fine, whatever—it's enough for Newt, right now anyway, that he actually came. They'll work up to bigger stuff like that later.

"Like what?" Newt says. "Doing a crossword puzzle and watching the second half of that boring-ass documentary you put on last weekend?"

Newt considers it an affront to the very concept of movie nights that Hermann used his pick on a documentary, and one about the jaeger program that didn't even bother interviewing him, no less. Newt loves a good documentary, don't get him wrong, but movie nights are for escapist shit. You don't see him switching on Godzilla. Plus, having to watch stock footage of Dr. Gottlieb Sr. blabbing his mouth about how smart he was while you were debating making a move on his son (who was currently in you bed, looking super cute in your sweatpants, because he'd forgotten to pack pj's) was kind of a mood-killer. "It wasn't boring," Hermann sniffs, which tells Newt that his guess was dead-on. "It was...interesting. And anyway, just because they aren't your idea of plans..."

"Okay, whatever," Newt says. "Let's just have fun. That's the point of a party."

He throws an arm around Hermann's shoulder and drags him closer, until their heads knock together painfully. He hears Hermann growl low in his throat. Newt doesn't say, soon, we won't have the time to do stupid shit like this anymore, so we should enjoy it while we can, even though he wants to. It's better to not make fun stuff depressing. Plus, Hermann might decide to take that as an invitation to bail and put on his documentary. Instead he reaches up across Hermann and flicks his chin. Hermann's whole body stiffens. "I can't believe I got you into this super awesome party and you're not even pretending to be thankful," Newt says.

With no great deal of difficulty, Hermann pushes Newt off of him. Newt lands heavily back in his chair, making the whole thing wobble, and he laughs as he just manages to catch himself from falling off the other side. "You got me in?" Hermann says. "Newton, I was invited three weeks ago."

Newt stops laughing. "You were?"

"Yes," Hermann says. The corner of his lip twitches up, with a smugness so powerful Newt can feel it radiating off of him in waves. Bastard. "I took it upon myself to ask if you might be permitted to come, too." He adds, sarcastically, "Out of the kindness of my heart. I know how terribly put out you get when you aren't included in these sorts of things."

Newt considers this new information, and then discards it, because it really doesn't fit the image of himself he's been cultivating as the cool, hip friend to Hermann's uncool, unhip nerd. Like, come on, between the two of them, Newt is obviously the one you'd want at your party. Hermann's gotta be kidding. Probably. Maybe. "It's a lame party anyway," Newt mumbles.

He tries to put his arm around Hermann's shoulder again, remembers that Hermann really didn't like that the first time, and then drops it back down at his side instead. "Totally lame," he continues. Newt recalls the Halloween parties of his youth with a warm, fond glow: elaborate costumes, tacky decorations, passing around bowls of peeled grapes in the dark, carving jack-o-lanterns while his dad hovered protectively over him to make sure he didn't take a finger off with the knife. This is none of that. Barely anyone even dressed up! The lack of Halloween spirit is tragic. "There aren't even any party games."

"Yes there are," Hermann says, mildly.

He points across the room at a large metal tub that Newt somehow missed before. It looks like it's filled with water, and...

"Dude," Newt says.

He doesn't wait to ask before he's hopping to his feet and dragging Hermann along after him by his blazer cuff. Hermann swats at his heels a few times with his cane, but eventually—like he does with most of Newt's ideas—gives in. "I'm a fuckin' champ at bobbing for apples," Newt boasts. "I used to—oops, excuse me," (he runs into two guys who are, like, twice his height, upsetting their drinks, and he hears Hermann groan as something purple spills on his sweater), "I used to always win it at the fall fest when my dad would take me." And then when he went back as an adult by himself, but it was less impressive a win when you were up against a bunch of ten-year-olds.

"You do have an exceptionally large mouth," Hermann says, rubbing at his stained shoulder. "I suppose that helps." As Newt bends to investigate the iron tub, he says, "Oh, Newton, don't, it's been out all night. Who knows what sorts of germs are in there?"

Newt gets to his knees and rolls up the sleeves of his PPDC-issued labcoat. He's a mad scientist to Hermann's vampire (vampire librarian?) tonight. Yeah, it's kind of a lazy costume, but it was free—he already had everything he needed in the lab. "I can get it in five seconds, max," he declares. His record is one second, but he's the first to admit he's a little rusty, and he'd rather impress Hermann by beating his estimate. "Will you hold my headlamp?"

Grumbling, Hermann takes it. Newt sets his glasses on the ground. "You're going to get yourself bloody soaking," Hermann says, and then he complains about something else, too, but Newt is screwing his eyes shut and ducking his head into the tub, which makes it difficult to hear him. One second—two seconds—two and a half—Newt emerges victorious from the tub, teeth clenched down firmly on an apple, and accidentally splatters a large amount of water on Hermann's shoes. He pulls the apple out of his mouth with a grin and waves it at Hermann. "See. I'm a fucking pro."

He tucks his glasses back on his face to discover that Hermann is staring at him with a very strange expression on his face. Newt can't decide if it's the blacklight bulbs overhead that are washing him out and making him look so flushed, or something else entirely. Then, in a second, he's grumpy and scowling and tsking over his wet shoes. "A pro," he echoes. "Hardly. It can't be that complicated."

Newt gestures grandly at the tub and takes a bite out of his apple. Hermann can always be relied upon to never turn down a challenge, especially when it means making Newt look—potentially—stupid. Newt uses it to his advantage often. Whatever it takes to help the guy have a good time. "It's all yours, dude."

Hermann grumbles something again about Newt being too arrogant for his own good, and something else about showing Newt how to do it without making a mess of everything, then gets down to his knees with a quiet hiss of discomfort. He shoves his cane, and Newt's headlamp, at Newt, though bewilderingly leaves his blazer on. "I'll be just a moment," he says, and dunks his head into the tub.

He splashes back up no more than five seconds later. Apple-less. "Bugger," he coughs, and then coughs some more. The entire front of his sweater is soaked. "I didn't—I didn't start out right. Let me—"

Newt watches Hermann try to drown himself a few more times in mild interest before he finally intercedes. "Need a hand?" he says, getting to his knees next to Hermann.

"No," Hermann splutters.

Newt takes his glasses off again. "Yeah, you do. Okay, now watch me—"

He emerges with another apple in seconds.

Hermann grits his teeth. "Newton—"

"One more?" Newt says, his grin widening.

Back under. Another apple. He winks at Hermann when he goes in for a fourth time, and this time, he feels the water of the tank being upset as Hermann (refusing to be outdone once again) splashes in alongside him. God, Newt loves riling Hermann up like this—he gets so funny, and kinda cute, when he's mad about something. Red in the face, and scowling, and sometimes (when he's real mad) speaking in a dangerously low and rough sort of voice with his r's rolling that makes Newt shiver, just a little. Like, Newton, you worthless, pathetic little man, cease this immediately, or else I'll... He actually said that to Newt once. It made Newt feel a little warm under his collar. Hermann's probably going to say something similar to him this time, and Newt can't wait.

Ten seconds in. Newt has been cutting Hermann a little slack at first, just to see if he can catch up, but finally decides to just go for the apple that's been bobbing steadily against his mouth this whole time. (He loves beating Hermann at stuff.)

And, well, apparently Hermann goes for it too.

They both miss the apple. Newt's mouth is up against Hermann's for another five seconds before he realizes what's happening (that that is definitely not an apple, that that is definitely a mouth, that that mouth is wide and weird another to belong to only one person Newt knows, that that mouth is parting in surprise, oh my God) and then he pulls away so quickly that he breathes in what feels like half the tub of water. He falls back on his ass, coughing furiously, and it's not until he shoves his glasses back on with a shaking hand that he realizes that Hermann has done the same. "I," Hermann says. His eyes are wide. "I'm sor—"

"It's fine," Newt squeaks.

"It was—"

"I know!"

Newt and Hermann's mouths were touching for five whole seconds. Underwater, while apples bobbed against their foreheads, but their mouths still touched. Oh my God. In elementary school, Newt thinks dizzily, that would be enough to catch cooties. This was so not how he wanted his awesome eventual seduction of Hermann to go down. For one thing, it wasn't even a seduction.

"I'm gonna get a towel," Newt says.

Hermann nods. He looks strangely adorable with water droplets on his nose and his hair plastered to his head like that. Newt has to get out of here before he does something stupid, like take Hermann's pointy cheeks between his hands and put their mouths together on purpose. He doesn't think Hermann would respond to that very well right now.

"I'll get you one too," Newt says, and it takes a lot of effort to force himself to his feet.

Hermann nods again.

"Okay," Newt says, and stumbles away. Out of the corner of his eye, he just catches Hermann raising a hand to his mouth.

[jeontaehui]

nananananana (210331 VLIVE)

taehee bites back a grin as fans enter the live. “hello everyoneeee,” she greets softly, her cheekbones lifting into a soft smile. “i’m in the practice room once again.”

“i was just learning a dance actually, it’s my break right now so this’ll probably be short,” she mentions. “and then i turned on vlive without asking permission— well, i did ask permission after i... turned it on,” she giggles. “she’s gonna say yes anyways. no one can say no to me,” the comments section blows up after she sent a sly wink to the viewers. she knew her effect on them one way or another. 

mark lee i love you HELLO THE TITLE?? IS THIS A SPOILER???

lee donghyuck’s long hair i only entered the live but i feel like crying T—T why must she be so cute

taeyongbub taehee in the practice room is so attractive??? wth???

taehee tucks a few strands behind her ear asking, “did you guys have dinner already? have you guys eaten?”

mataechan what did taehee eat today?

hyuckschurros PIZZA !!!!

“aw, pizza? i’m craving now,” she shortly puts on a pout before a smile shows itself once again. “i haven’t eaten but i think i’ll have........ um,” taehee seems to think for a moment as she looks up the ceiling, trying to remember what jungwoo said she’d have at the dorms.

“i can’t remember,” she shrugs, proceeding to continue reading the comments.

jungwoo tehet are you going to dance again?

aussiechan TAEHEEEE !!! come home to australia :(

svtzen DREAM SPOILERS PLEASEE

“the dance that me and my teacher did today was to party favors by tinashe! i have to practice some more to get it right but i’m,” she stands up and dusts off her track pants, placing the phone on the floor in front of the mirror, “going to show you guys the part where i’m most confident in.”

she disappears as she goes to the side to play the music, and the strong beats of tinashe’s party favors fills the practice room. she adjusts her pants around her waist and runs a hand through her black hair, ruffling her bangs for a moment before getting into position.

she dances. no matter how hard-hitting the choreography is, taehee knew well how to control her own body, and gracefully yet powerfully sync her movements to the beats.

taehee marry me she’s so hot what the heck do i do

markcity i’m single for this reason only

fullsunnn THIS IS WHY WE NEED A TAEHEE SOLO ASAP !!!

from the corner of her eye, taehee sees her dance instructor imitate the part where she got the dance wrong during their practice, causing her to lose focus and burst into laughter.

ncityinthehouse everyone, the duality of miss jeon taehee

“unnie is laughing at me right now!” taehee giggles. her eyes glance to the side then back to the screen. “yes so, until there did i memorize the dance. i’ll try to post on instagram the full version of it. oh!” she claps her hands excitedly, a habit nctzens took note of before she says an idea.

“since it’s a wednesday today and! the end of the month, you guys can comment whatever you guys want me to do or any question you want to ask and i’ll answer them.”

“i’m going to scroll with my eyes closed and whatever my finger lands on will be picked,” she cutely asks if the viewers got it before briefly explaining what she just said in english.

“i’ll give you guys maybe 30 seconds? is 30 seconds enough? okay, ready and start!”

taehee bobbed her head as she counted the numbers in her head. “30! okay, i’ll close my eyes now.”

juhfahm skincare routine?

merrymark give us a phone tour :D

twiceyeon please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung !!!! <3

“from twiceyeon,” taehee reads, putting her emcee mode on. “please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung! ohh i think i’ve seen this on my recommended but i haven’t had the time to watch it— sorry, chaeyoung-ah,” she winces.

you can hear keys being tapped on taehee’s phone screen as she typed the title on youtube’s search bar. the music video appears a few seconds later and she immediately clicks on it.

“oooo dahyun-ssi is very pretty,” taehee says. her expression quickly changes when she sees the twice member use her foot as she played the piano, her hand going up to cover the giggles that escaped out of her. “this is so cool,” she beamed.

“oh sexy!” taehee exclaims after chaeyoung appeared. “i really like chaengie’s short hair.”

she compliments the set when the scene changes, a summer pool vibe replacing the vintage set-up at the intro. “the dance is cute too,” she mumbles.

she smiles at chaeyoung and dahyun’s playfulness in the music video before moving on to compliment her best friend again. “chaeyoung is seriously so pretty... whaaat!”

taehee continues to watch the rest of the video as she moves to the beat, occasionally letting out a chuckle or two at the adorableness of the duo.

“hold on,” she grabs her earphones and plugs them into her phone. “(it’s) to avoid copyright,” she smirks.

taehee finishes the music video with a grin on her face, “the music video was very cute! did they perform this on stage? i think the stage set and the fits would’ve been pretty.”

“speaking of music videos, baekhyun hyung’s new album just dropped yesterday! have you guys watched the music video?” taehee shuffles closer to the camera to read the comments. almost everyone was saying that they did, in fact, watch the music video and really enjoyed it.

“i never said this directly to him but i really am a fan of his, seriously,” she dictates. taehee breaks into a grin as she giggles again, the viewers watching how her eyes twinkled while she talked. “‘bambi’ is really great— it’s immaculate. you guys should stream the whole album and recommend it to your family and friends. baekhyunie hyung never fails to deliver (good songs).”

bbhubblegum taehee promoting baekhyun and other artists better than sm pt. 74628392

going on her phone, she mumbles, “and i really like the choreography of his songs.” there was an adorable pout to her lips as she spoke, much to the amusement of the viewers.

then she looks up from the device in her hands and her eyes hold a certain glint in them before she playfully squints. “just be quiet about this though. i am never gonna hear the end of this from him,” she shakes her head with an amused chuckle, recalling all the times baekhyun teased her and the ‘admiration’ she has for him.

“you’re my only bambi bambi,” taehee sang effortlessly. “it’s a perfect night for you,” her tone was a little softer this time.

“okay so that was our first request? dare? of the live, let’s get to the next one right away!”

taeheeroar do you listen to the neighborhood?

wooyoungification do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?

“the next one is.... wooyoungification! ooo wooyoung-ah hello,” taehee says, prolonging the last syllable of her sentence. “they asked, “do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?”

“well,” she clears her throat, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were in thought. “there are a lot of great artists out there. taylor swift is already my answer by default but,” she giggles again, “if i have to think of people outside sm, i think it’d be nice to have a collab with stray kids’ 3racha. they’re their producing unit if i’m not mistaken. it’d be fun to work with them.”

“i also had this dream of having a collaboration stage with the other dancers outside nct, like blackpink’s lisa or seulgi unnie. would you guys want that?”

midzyseason this isnt good for my gay ass

reveluvbar can taehee just take over sm

taehee hums, “i think i never mentioned it before but i wanna try doing drama ost’s too. i don’t watch as much dramas as i do before, but when i was still learning korean, they helped me so much.”

“i watched ‘guardian: the lonely and great god’ a lot and i really liked ‘stay with me’. hopefully, i can collab with punch too.”

taehee unconsciously moves her lips to the side, forming another pout and thinks again. “from sm, i think kai hyung? not counting superm, okay?” she beams.

“kai hyung and,” then a snort escapes taehee before she could even stop it, “baekhyun hyung.”

she puts a hand to her chest once she recovers from her mini-giggling fit before holding it up and swearing it was the truth. “these two were the ones that came to the top of my head, seriously.”

beansprout lolll remember when kai used to “complain” about taehee ever only talking about sehun cause he was the one she was closest to in exo when they first met ?

sodangerous it’s so touching how taehee looked up to exo while she was still a trainee and now they’re like family

taehee nods and bites her bottom lip, asking herself, “why do i feel like a youtuber?”

she smiles to someone off screen and quickly glances back to the camera, “next question!”

asteroidsung what did you get for renjun’s birthday?

“what did i get for renjun’s birthday? i just gave mine literally yesterday. i know it’s summer but i gave him a hoodie that i thought would look cute on him,” she smiles. “it was pink.”

“i was with haechanie when i bought it.”

chenlezoned hyuck said he’s gonna marry daegal next month

“hyuck’s gonna marry who now?!” taehee exclaims, “DAEGAL’S A MINOR!!!”

dreamtopia BYEEEEEEE

themissingpuzzlepiece everyone at haechan marrying daegal:❓❓meanwhile taehee: 🌋🌋⁉️

boohoohyuck sending my prayers to lee haechan

just then, taehee’s phone suddenly rings and her eyes widen at the caller id displayed on the screen. “wow, this dude’s timing is really! spot-on.”

she puts the speaker on, “donghyuck-ah, what’s this i’m hearing that you’re marrying daegal?? are you leaving me and chubs already?! oh and you’re on speaker.”

fullseun don’t you just cry on the inside when markhee calls hyuck by his real name or fullsun

you hear haechan’s boisterous laughter first before he could answer taehee’s question. “i talked about that on vlive,” he said, “where are you?”

“i’m doing vlive.”

“but it’s almost midnight.”

when taehee makes no move to answer, haechan goes, “are you in the practice room again?”

“so?” taehee answers sassily, causing the boy on the other end of the line to groan.

“noona, we talked about this already,” haechan whines. “then we can talk about it again later!” taehee shrugs exasperatedly. “noona....” the former warns, as if he was scolding a child. “i’m just on a break,” she gives in, “i’ll go home soon.”

“promise?” taehee rolls her eyes, though it was clear that she was grateful for haechan’s concern by the soft smile she held on her face. “i promise.”

taehyuckles i know i wished for a taehyuck live but this will suffice Gosh they are so cute !!!!!!

“you haven’t said hello to czennie,” taehee reminds him. “czennie, hello!!” he greets sweetly.

“anyways, i just called you because you agreed to playing a few rounds with me but i’ll just wait for you until you get home,” taehee winces at his statement. she might have forgotten. “oh right, i’m sorry. just a few more minutes?” haechan hums affirmatively from the other end.

“get home safely, noonaaa,” after they exchanged their goodbyes, taehee hangs up the call.

“yes, okay! everyone that was lee haechan on the phone with me and i think i can do,” she turns her back to look at the wall clock in the practice room, “three more comments.”

yangqied taehee’s an idol in the day, pro-gamer by night

“okay, so our next question is: are you friends with aespa? yes! i am friends with aespa,” she beamed.

“i actually saw them the day before their debut stage. my time slot in the practice room was after theirs and so we met there,” taehee recalls. “they’re very pretty! and they look cool when they danced to ‘black mamba’. i wished them luck on their debut stage,” she chuckles.

taehee closes her eyes and proceeds to swipe at the screen, “next question is... oh! i dare you to post on instagram. okay, let me find some photos and show you guys so we can all vote.”

“i’ll send them on bubble but i’ll show it here too in case you guys don’t have a subscription. that’s okay.”

markerlee tb to when taehee sent her pcs to bubble... she really said fuck capitalism !!!!

“okay, option 1: this one,” she brings her phone up to the screen, showing a picture of her with the bird filter on mac.

jisungbye I LIKE THIS ONEEE

kunniekunkun this one’s cute!!!

moloism markhee pls post ur photos with the mac filters im begging you

“orrrr this one,” she faces her phone towards the camera once more. she was sitting on the pavement with the view of the orange-pink sunset behind her, a mask concealing half of her face.

the127thsense everything just screams girlfriend material to me

deryqueen taehee, i am free this friday. i repeat, i am free this friday.

solhyuck i think you should post these as a set on instagram!

“what should i post on instagram? everyone choose between 1 or 2!” taehee tells them in korean, before switching to english. “you guys pick between the first one and the second one, and i’ll post it on instagram.”

oncezenni 2

flamboyanthyuck the second one!

ohmajesus i like the first one

iamjeno second pleaseee

“mm okay, most of you are voting for the second one so i’ll be posting that first thing tomorrow! and then i’ll just send the other one on bubble,” taehee puts her pinky finger up as she speaks, making a promise to the viewers.

“how many was that? two already?” a pout subtly makes its way on taehee’s lips and a few of her hair strands fell in front of her face, causing her to push them back as she huffed. nctzens found it adorable!

takeoffbesttrack can i kiss you.

“can you kiss me?” taehee presses her lips on the tips of her fingers before lightly tapping them on the screen. “i,” one of the corners of her mouth raises to a smirk, “kissed you.”

mahaecries GODDDD

tenvely you will be the death of me

deryqueen AGAIN TAEHEE I AM FREE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT !!!!!!!!!!

taehee giggles after seeing the comment section blow up and her dimples peek out from her cheeks.

“i’m gonna have to end this soon, guys. this is the last one, okay?”

haecity can you go live with markhyuck?

snoopyscoop do you have any more funny stories with jungwoo?

taromilktea did you see sungchan when he debuted as an emcee?

“did i go see sungchan when he debuted as emcee? nooo,” she frowns, “but i did call him on facetime.”

“he said he was nervous but i told him he’d do great! and he did, right?” taehee’s frown was quickly turned into a proud grin. “i watched a replay of it on youtube the day after. he was very cute.”

“i told him to just think of it like he was talking to us so he’s more comfortable, and he told me it helped a lot so i’m relieved,” she nods. “i sent him churros too!”

taehee shuffles closer to the camera and brings her knees close to her chest while she talks, “please support him! i know sungchanie’s glad to have received this opportunity that’s why he’s been practicing diligently.”

taehee reads a few more comments and smiles at the funny ones. the humor of nctzens never fail to make her smile. the memes they send during menpas are so hilarious that she can’t help but reply to most of them.

taeheespresident i guess she’s gonna end the live now? :(

jungwootehet it’s nearing 1 am and i still have school tomorrow...... whoops!

“i’ll have to go now guys, it was nice doing all this with you,” taehee softly mumbles.

“i like this idea of having you guys comment what you would want me to do ‘cause i’m able to connect with you guys more, i’ll try to do a live again soon.”

“the weather’s nice here in korea— well at least for me,” she chuckles, “it rained recently but it might be hot? in other places so please remember to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.”

“also wear your masks and keep social distancing! we’re not only trying to protect ourselves but we have to stop the spreading of it all so,” taehee gives another small smile at the camera as she reminds the people to be careful, “stay safe.”

after a few beats of silence, taehee speaks again. “okay so, until here is taehee’s nananananana live!” she sings while doing the infamous choreo of ‘go’.

empathy127 I KNEW IT WAS FROM GO !!!!

“good night! or good morning to those who are starting their day right now,” she adds, “goodnight! we’ll see you guys soon.”

taehee does her infamous ily hand gesture and winks at the camera before waving bye and ending the livestream.

[thelukesalvez]

Luke Alvez x Reader: Premature

Request: ‘can i request an imagine where the reader is pregnant and luke’s away on a case when she goes into labor? and garcia has to call luke to get him home?’  

Tagged: @ssaic-jareau​ , @alvezstan​ , @saintd0lce​ , @ogmilkis​ , @reidswords​, @ssa-morgan​, @garcias-batcave​ ,  @akimagies​, @zhangyixingxing1​ , @pinkdiamond1016​

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: idk why i always picture luke with a daughter??? but anyway another DAD luke fic like yes pls, enjoy!

The worst part about being pregnant had to be the lower back aches.  Or maybe the way your swollen ankles prevented you from fitting into any of your cute shoes.  It could also be the tender breasts, the mood swings, or how food didn’t taste as good, yet somehow you were still always hungry.  Come to think of it, being pregnant, in general, was the worst. 

Currently, you were seven and a half months along.  You had 6 weeks until your daughter would be born.  6 weeks somehow felt both impossibly long and just around the corner.  On one hand, you really couldn’t wait to get your body back.  You missed wearing pants that didn’t have an elastic waistband, and the freedom of being able to get out of bed without Luke’s help.  

On the other hand, you and Luke were going to be first time parents.  This brought about a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.  There was still so much to get done before the baby arrived, that at times you couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. 

“You worry too much,” Luke had told you one afternoon.  

But you disagreed.  “Luke, she’s gonna be here in less than two months and her room isn’t even close to being finished.  We still have to paint, and put together the crib-”

“We have six weeks, baby.  I’ll get it done, I promise.” 

His reassuring words did little to calm your mind or your nerves.  One thing that did keep the anxious thoughts at bay, was work.  Focusing your attention on BAU cases was the perfect distraction… until that was taken away from you too.  

“I don’t want you in the field,” Luke had stated that night.  

“You’re joking, right?”

Luke’s pressed lips and slightly flared nostril told you that no, he was not joking. 

“Luke,” you’d groaned, throwing your head back against the pillow.  “I’m fine.”

“You can barely walk, let alone chase after anyone,” he stated, his arms folding across his chest.  He always did that when he wanted you to take him seriously.  “And I know for a fact that you can’t fit into a bulletproof vest.”

You threw him your best glare.  “Okay, first off, that was mean.  Second, you can’t expect me to just sit here all day doing nothing.  I’ll go insane, you know I will.”

“Baby, you’re seven months pregnant.  You need to relax.”

“Relax?  Seriously, Luke?”  you felt a wave of frustration wash over you.  Lately you've been finding it so hard to control your emotions, so you’re not entirely surprised when you feel the burning of tears in your eyes. “I can’t relax! I’m uncomfortable all the time.  I’m fat and I’m hot and I’m sweaty. My boobs feel like they’re going to explode any second.  I’m nauseous and I’m tired and I’m hungry.  And if I stay home all day that’s all I’m going to think about.  I’m going to just sit and dwell on the fact that I am miserable.”

Luke’s face softens when he sees that you’re crying.  That wasn’t an uncommon occurrence lately, but he felt guilty for being the one to cause it this time around. 

“C’mere,” he says, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.  

And even though you’re angry with him, you don’t hesitate before scooting up the mattress and sliding into his arms.  You lay your head on his shoulder, Luke’s hand finding its way down to your lower back, where he rubs gentle circles into the sore muscles.  Being in his arms had a way of making you feel better. 

“I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable, baby. I just- I worry about you. All I want is for you and the baby to be okay.”

You sniffle into his chest, his sweet words making your voice soften.  “I can’t sit here all day, Luke.  I really can’t.”

“I know.” He rests his cheek on top of your head and sighs.  “How about we meet in the middle?”

Looking up at him, you skeptically ask,  “How?”

“You could work the cases from the BAU,” he suggests. 

You scrunch your nose, secretly hoping that his compromise meant just giving in to what you wanted entirely.  But, as you think about it for a moment, you had to admit you didn’t completely hate the idea.  Things were getting challenging in the field.  And as much as you hated him for saying it, Luke was right- the bulletproof vests no longer fit you, and you couldn’t chase down any perps.  You were relatively useless, at least physically, at this point.  

“I’m sure Garcia would love an extra hand,” he adds. 

“Fine,” you mutter quietly. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, pressing a light peck against the top of your head.  

But, as Luke would soon find, just because you agreed to be stationed at the BAU did not mean you weren’t going to complain about it.   

The two of you walked, hand-in-hand, into the building the next morning.  Emily had called, about fifteen minutes prior, to let you both know that you had a case in Boston. 

“What if I just stay at the police precinct?”

Luke rolled his eyes.  “No.”

“Why not? I could help Reid with the geological profile- or interview the families.  There’s a lot I can do-”

“We already agreed that you’d stay here.”

You scoffed in frustration before trying another tactic. 

“You know,” you drawled, using the hand he wasn’t already holding to reach around and grip his arm.  “I’m worried about you, too.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” you state, matter-of-factly.  “Just because I’m carrying the baby doesn’t mean I’m the only one that needs to stay safe.  It would be equally devastating if something happened to you.  You let your hand trail down the length of his arm and over to your belly.  “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”  

Luke swiped his ID badge to get inside the building before holding the door open for you, you hesitate, waiting for his response.  Luke’s lips were parted into a soft grin. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel guilty, but that was really sweet.”  He leans forward and pecks your lips lightly.  

You roll your eyes and storm into the building.  

…

“So I hear we’re going to be lab partners!” Garcia drums her fingers against the round table.  

You shrug, “Looks like it.”

“I know you’re bummed to not be in the field, but I’m so excited that you’ll be here.”

Luke’s hand reaches for yours underneath the table.  You let your fingers lace together with his before you smile back at Garcia.  Maybe being sidelined wouldn’t be all bad.  “I’m excited too, Pen,” you tell her.  

“Alright guys listen up,” Emily enters the briefing room.  “Police need our help in Boston.  Two college students have gone missing the past month, and one of the bodies was just found dumped off of I-95.  Y/N will be working the case from here, so we’ll be down a body in the field.”

Garcia hits a few buttons on the remote, making a gruesome image project onto the screen in front of the team.  She presents a few more details about the case before Emily declares, “Wheels up in 20.”

Luke’s shifting through his go bag at his desk when you approach him from behind.  You rest your hand on his back and rub up and down his soft, maroon shirt.  

“Be safe, okay?” you tell him.  You felt guilty knowing he was going into the field without you.  

Luke sighs, turning his body so that he was facing you.  His big hands rest on your hips as he holds you out in front of him.  “You know I will.”

You nod, and you believed his words, but that didn’t mean you’d be any less worried about him while he was away.  

Luke could sense the uneasiness on your face, so he leaned in and kissed your cheek lightly before whispering,  “There is nothing that could ever keep me from coming back home to you and our baby, do you hear me?” 

Leaning into his touch, you sigh.  “Good.  Because I meant what I said; I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“We’re going to miss you out there, kid.” Rossi states as he passes your desk.  

“Keep me updated,” you respond sadly.  He pats you on the shoulder before nodding with a smile.  

With a final kiss and promises to call, Luke and the rest of the team load onto the jet to head for Boston. 

At first, you stay in the bullpen seated at your desk, running through the casefile.  You were the only one in the entire room.  By habit, you kept looking up at Luke’s desk.  Instead of his warm smile, you’re met by his empty chair.  Your eyes linger for a moment before you feel a sharp pain shoot across your stomach, making you wince.  

“Woah,” you whisper, your hand falling on your bump.  “Was that a kick?” you ask her out loud.

It didn’t take long before the silence became deafening, so after a few minutes, you stand up and waddle down the hallway to Garcia’s leir.  You knock at her door before entering. 

“Hey,” you say, your hand supporting your sore back.  “It’s like, creepy quiet out there, do you mind if I work with you, in here?”

Her face lights up.  “Of course!” Immediately, she begins clearing off a space on her desk for you to set up. 

“Thanks,” you smile, taking a seat in her spare office chair.  You try your best to sit up straight as your insides begin to cramp.  Garica turns to see your eyes squeezed shut. 

“What’s wrong?” her voice is filled with concern. 

“Nothing,” you sigh in relief when the cramp passes. “She’s kicking a lot today.”

Garcia’s face breaks out into a large grin.  “Oh! My Goddaughter’s gonna be a spunky one, isn’t she?”

…

As it turned out, there wasn’t much for you to do from the BAU.  Garcia worked tirelessly, delving into files and uncovering helpful information for the team.  But you weren’t even close to being as tech savvy as her, and besides the casefile you’d already read through four times, you didn’t have many resources to work off of.  

Whenever the team would call with questions, you’d listen intently, and try to figure out some way that you could help them.  But, by that evening, you were starting to feel pretty useless.  

“Why don’t you just head home?” Garcia suggested kindly.  “You look tired.”

You were tired.  You were tired and hungry and sore from all your baby’s kicking.  But you shook your head.  “I don’t want to be in the house alone,” you admit to her.  “It’s too quiet there without Luke.”

Garcia, of course, understands.  “Do you want to take a walk?  Just around the building?”

At first, you want to say no.  But as you consider her offer, you can’t help but admit that stretching your legs sounded pretty nice, so you agree. 

“I think I’m most excited for coffee,” you tell Garcia.  The two of you had walked the entire floor of the BAU a couple of times now and were about to head back to her office.  

“God, I can’t even imagine going nine months without coffee.  I think that would break me,” she admits.  

You start to laugh, but you’re quickly interrupted by a sudden, sharp pain in your abdomen.  

“Woah,” you gasp, grabbing your stomach.  You hunch over, desperate to alleviate some of the pain, but it only grows with intensity.  It takes your breath away for a moment, and all you can do is focus on the tiled floor beneath you as you attempt to muscle through it.  

But then you feel something burst inside of you, followed by a warm liquid rushing down your leg.

With wide, terrified eyes, you look up to Garcia. 

“Pen,” you whisper, barely recognizing your own voice.  “I th-think my water just broke...”

“Oh my god,” she says, her voice higher than usual. “Oh my god, okay, okay. You’re okay.” 

She hurries to your side and wraps an arm around your waist.  You and your shaky legs are grateful for her support.  She guides you to a chair stationed in the hallway, where she helps you sit.  

The panic really starts to set in once your eyes land on your dampened pants.  

“No,” you start to shake your head rapidly.  “Pen, no I can’t- it’s too early-”

You’re amazed by how calm Garcia remains.  “It’s okay,” she tells you.  “We’re gonna get you to the hospital and everything’s gonna be fine.”

But you keep shaking your head.  “No, she’s early.  She’s too early- I need Luke, please- I can’t do this.”

“I’m gonna call Luke right now, everything’s going to be okay.”

Garcia pulls out her phone and dials your husband. She frowns when it goes to voicemail after a few rings.  

By now, there’s a steady influx of tears spilling down your cheeks. You ask softly, “Why isn’t he answering?” 

“Let me try Emily.”

You sigh a breath of relief when you hear Emily’s voice on the other end of the line.  

“Emily-” Garcia gasps. “Where’s Luke?”

You overhear her, “He’s interrogating the Unsub- why? What’s the matter?”

“Y/N’s in labor, we need him.”

“Oh my god,” Emily says.  There’s a brief pause before she tells Garcia,  “I’ll be right back.”

“Pen-” you groan, another contraction washing over you.  You hunch over in the chair and grab at the air, desperate for something to clamp down on.  

She quickly extends her hand, letting you squeeze it tightly. 

“Garcia?” you hear Luke’s sweet voice over the line.  You want to call out for him, but you can’t form the words.  

“Luke!” she exclaims, her concerned eyes never leaving you.  “Luke, Y/N’s in labor- her water just broke. You have to come home.”

You gasp and bite down on your lip as the pain suddenly intensifies.

“Breathe,” she instructs you calmly.  “Just breathe with me-”

“What?” you can hear the disbelief in his voice.  “But- she’s only seven months pregnant- that's too early-” 

The contraction passes, leaving you breathless, but you hold your hand out.  Garcia picks up on your gesture and hands you the phone. 

“Luke-” you’re on the verge of bursting into terrified tears.  “I’m so scared.”

“Baby, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.” You can hear the worry in his voice as he soothes you.  “I’m on my way, okay? I’m gonna take the jet, I’ll be there soon.”

“I don’t know if I can do this-”

“No, baby- of course you can, you’re so strong.  You’re gonna be okay.”

“Please hurry,” you whimper.  

“I will, I love you.”

You pass the phone to Garcia reluctantly.  You wished you could stay on the line with him.  Something about hearing his voice made you feel calmer. 

You’re shaky and weak, but Garcia helps you all the way into the elevator and down into the parking garage.  You hesitate before climbing into the front seat of her car. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, her hand gently placed on your elbow. 

“I don’t want to get your seat all gross-”

You’re referring to the amniotic sac fluid currently soaking your pants.

“Are you serious?” she asks in disbelief.  “If we don’t hurry you’re going to be giving birth in my car, so I think I’ll take my chances with the water.”

You nod quickly and climb into the front seat.  While Garcia hurries around to the front, you clutch onto your baby bump tightly, wondering why the hell she was coming so early. 

Garcia winds through traffic hurriedly, every so often she glances in your direction, trying to make sure you’re okay.  “I guess they weren’t kicks,” you groan, as another contraction washes over you.  You grip the door handle until your knuckles turn white and squeeze your eyes shut.  

“Keep breathing,” Garcia soothes.  She lets you take her hand across the console and doesn’t even wince when you squish it tightly in yours.  

“I’m really scared, Penelope,” you whimper quietly, falling back against the seat when the contraction passes.  

“I know,” Garcia clicks her tongue empathetically.  

“Nothing’s ready.  Not her room- we haven’t even set up her crib yet  I’m not ready. I was supposed to have another 6 weeks to get ready-”

But Penelope is shaking her head. “You, right now, as you are, are going to be a great mother, okay? You’re ready.”

She sounded so sure, so confident in you- maybe she was right.  

…

“Where is he?” 

You’re sweating, exposed in a delivery room, and in more pain than you ever have been in your entire life.  

Garcia’s stayed by your side the entire time, holding your hand and talking you through the pain.  You’d been at the hospital about two hours now.  

Currently, Garcia was dabbing your forehead with a wet washcloth.  Your contractions were about 6 minutes apart.  According to the doctor, you’d have to start pushing soon.    

“I can’t do this without him. He should be here..”

“He’ll be here.”

You look up at her, exhausted and with fear in your eyes. 

Garcia squeezes your shoulder.  “And if he’s not here, then we’ll do this together, okay? You and me.”

“Promise you won’t leave?”

She nods.  “I promise.”

…

Luke’s sprinting through the maze of a hospital trying desperately to find the delivery room number that Garcia texted him.  He’s already been redirected by a couple of nurses, but every floor looked the same. 

The door number came into sight when he turned the corner.  He doesn’t hesitate before running the final distance between the two of you. 

Luke swings the door open, only able to exhale when his eyes finally land on you.  

You’re sitting up in your bed, hair tied up messily and cheeks flushed.  

As soon as you see him, he sees your shoulder slump, like you’ve exhaled a breath of relief.

“Luke-” 

His name is barely audible, but it’s enough.  

“I’m here, baby,” he assures you, crossing the room in just two, large strides. 

Garcia’s on the opposite side of your bed, clutching your hand tightly.  After pressing his lips against your sweaty forehead, he looks at her and mouths, ‘thank you’.  

She nods, “Of course, it was nothing.”  She says it casually, like she didn’t just spend the last three hours comforting you through labor, doing his job for him, making sure you were safe.  

It was everything. 

Minutes after Luke arrives, the doctor tells you it’s time to push.  

You flash Luke a scared glance, but he wraps an arm around your shoulder and kissed your temple, his lips feel comforting.  “You can do this.” 

You sigh, because like you said, being in his arms had a way of making you feel better.  

...

When her soft cries fill the air, you’re finally able to breathe again.  You collapse back against your pillow, exhausted and sweaty.  

Luke’s still cupping your hand in his, his much larger fingers wrapping themselves around your skin.  He’s looking towards the doctor, who’s holding in his arms, your baby girl. 

“Is she okay?” you ask weakly.  

Luke nods.  “She’s small, but she’s so beautiful.” 

Because she’s premature, you’re not able to hold her right away.  Instead, she’s bundled up and taken to the NICU.  

“No-” you protest pathetically.  “I want her with me-”

“I know,” Luke whispers.  “But they gotta keep her warm.  They’re gonna put her in an isolette.  They said we can visit as soon as you’re ready.”

Without hesitating, you attempt to sit up in bed. “I’m ready,” you declare weakly.  

Luke’s hand pushes against your shoulder lightly in protest.  “No, baby. You need rest-”

You found yourself growing angrier and angrier.  You wanted to see your baby- wanted to hold her.  But your body betrays you.  You’re just so exhausted that you can’t even fight against him.  Instead, you fall back against the pillow and huff out a choppy, frustrated sob.

“I know,” he says.  He sits on the edge of your bed and reaches his hand out to brush some of the loose strands of hair away from your face.  He leans forward and presses his lips to your sweaty forehead. “You did so good.” He whispers against your skin.  “So, so good.”

You close your eyes against his touch, letting it wash over you. 

“How small is she?” you ask when he finally breaks away. 

Luke’s lips pressed together in a thin line and he didn't answer immediately.  After a moment he sighs.  “She’s small.” 

“She’s gonna be okay though, right?” You look to Luke for all the answers.  And he wants to give them to you.  He wants to give everything to you. 

He nods.  “She’s gonna be okay.  She’s a fighter, like her mom.”

…

Your daughter has to stay in the NICU for two, agonizingly long weeks.  After a couple of days, you start to get some energy back.  But seeing her in that box, and not being able to hold your baby when you wanted was taking its toll emotionally. 

You and Luke stayed at the hospital for the entirety of the two weeks, never wanting to leave her alone.  

It was painful and hard and exhausting, but together, it almost seemed bearable.  

The team visited in shifts.  Garcia arrived first with a giant bundle of pink balloons.  Spencer and JJ brought magazines and books to keep you busy.  Tara has a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Matt and Kristy brought you clothes to change into.  Rossi and Emily brought various dishes for the two of you to eat.  By the end of your two weeks, you felt incredibly grateful for your BAU family. 

On the day that you and Luke were finally given the okay to take your daughter home, you found your nerves inching their way back into the forefront of your mind. It was an absolute relief that your premature daughter turned out to be healthy and safe and as beautiful as ever.  But you thought about the unfinished room at home and your stomach twisted into knots. 

“Where are we gonna put her?” you asked, imagining the crib you’d bought and never put together.  

“I’ll put it together when we get home,” Luke assures you.  “Can’t be that hard.”

You nodded, pushing the thought away.  It didn’t matter.  Not when you had this miracle of a baby in your arms. 

When Luke pulled the car into the driveway of your house, you both stared at your home, hesitating before getting out of the car, as if it was just now hitting you how much everything was about to change.  

Luke gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“Ready?” he asked. 

You nod, everything was changing for the better.  “Ready.”

You keep her cradled to your chest as you make your way through your home.  The first order of business for Luke was to put together the crib, so your daughter would at least have a place to sleep.  

You’d worry about the rest later.  

But when you climb the stairs, you’re startled to see Garcia standing in your hallway, a cheeky grin on her face.  

“Pen, hi,” you smile.  You’d given her a key to take care of Roxy and water your plants while you were away at the hospital, you assume that was what she was here for.  

“Hi,” she smiles wide.  “Oh my goodness, is that my little bundle of joy! Let me see!” 

You pass Penelope your daughter, watching adoringly as the two interact. 

“Is someone else here?” Luke asks, peering down the hall when he hears voices. 

Garcia nods, her signature, ear to ear smile spreading across her face.  “Yeah, actually we have a surprise for you guys.” She passes your daughter back to you before turning.  

“Who’s ‘we’?” Luke asks skeptically. 

“Oh, just shut up and follow me,” she says.  Her heels click as she walks down the hall towards the bedrooms.  

When you turn the corner into your daughter's room, you can’t help but let out a loud gasp.  Your jaw practically falls to the floor, surprised to see the entire team piled inside.  

Two walls of the room were painted a beautiful shade of pink, while the other two were a soft gray.  There were various decoratives hanging on the walls, tying everything together perfectly.  There were also numerous shelves filled with an assortment of stuffed animals, toys, and books.  And in the corner stood the hardwood crib that Luke and you had bought, completely put together and accented with a beautiful mobile hanging above it.  

“Oh my god,” Luke gawks, clearly just as surprised as you. 

“You guys-” you start, but you before you can finish your sentence you start to cry.  “You guys did all this?”

The smiling faces of the rest of your team answer your question.  

“How?” Is all you can manage to say.  

“Well, I picked out the colors and the decor,” Garcia says, like it’s obvious. “Emily and Tara both helped paint.”

“And I've put my fair share of cribs together,” Matt chuckles, patting the edge of the darkwood.  “It took no time at all.”

“JJ and Spencer got together the books and the stuffed animals,” Garcia motions towards the corner of toys.  

“And I supervised,” Rossi smirked, making everyone laugh. 

“Guys, this is too much.” Luke shakes his head in disbelief before exhaling and saying sincerely,  “thank you.”

You nod in agreement.  “This is… amazing.  This is more than I could have ever dreamed of.  I love it.  She’s gonna love it,” you motion towards your now sleeping baby, mouth open and drooling on your chest.  

The team knows how exhausted you and Luke are from being at the hospital for the past two weeks, so they don’t stay long.  Slowly, they begin filing out of your house, offering both you and the new BAU baby with hugs and kisses goodbye.  

Garcia’s the last to leave as she gathers her coat from your entryway chair.  

“Pen, I know this was your idea,” you mumble.  “You didn’t have to do all this.  Thank you.” 

She shakes her head, her eyes rolling as she hugs you gently.  When she pulls away, she smirks,  “If you thought I was going to let my Goddaughter come home to an unfinished room, you are underestimating how much I am going to spoil her.”  

With that, she's out the door, leaving you and Luke and your newborn baby alone in the house for the first time as a family of three. Luke wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you into his side securely.  You sigh, all of your anxiety and fears melting away.  Being in his arms had a way of making you feel better.  

[moonflower-31]

I Won't Forget You - Spencer Reid x Reader

(This is gonna be a series, so keep an eye out for this one if you like it.)

Summary: So imagine you're in the CM universe if you will. And you're just graduating from the academy. You're looking to join the BAU. You have hyperthymesia, the ability to never forget anything. Except for rare occasions. After the final exam, you run into one Dr. Spencer Reid. Eventually, you get accepted to shadow the BAU on a trial run as an agent. But you have a past that may endanger those you work with. Also, you love Spencer. Cause who doesn't?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader (this makes sense only for storyline, sorry 😞)

Masterlist

Please leave comments! I love reading them ❤ 💕

~~~~~~~~

Nervous. So dreadfully nervous you were and am. But here we are. No turning back now. 

"Hello, cadets. And welcome to your final exam for your graduation. We hope all of you do well. The FBI, as you know, has many branches. 56, to be exact. We hope that for those of you who pass, that you'll find your calling in one of our offices. For those of you who don't, don't fret. We always allow you to retake the last semester and the exams. The FBI is in desperate need of new agents." The speaker in front of me is seriously loud. Though you don't dare speak up about it. 

Associate Deputy Director Gail Franklin spoke with such elegance. She obviously has had practice, you think to yourself as you watch the grey-haired woman speak atop the raised portion of the testing room. You couldn't count how many people even if you tried. And you don't forget anything. 

"Psst!" 

You groan quietly and try to ignore your idiot but golden-hearted friend who couldn't sit still. 

"Psst! (Y/N)!"  

You ignore him again, focusing on Franklin's closing commentary.  

"I wish you all good luck. Please refrain from beginning your exam until all test-takers have received their tests. Thank you." She then proceeded to turn and begin her trek out of the room, the click of her heels being the only reminder she was even here. 

"Psst-! Come on, (Y/N/N)!" 

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. Finally, you turn your head and give your dear friend a very annoyed look. "What is it, Gabe? Like seriously, you couldn't sit still through one teansy tiny lecture? From the ADD herself?" You tease, pulling out a #2 pencil from your bag. Sure, most everyone will be using pens, but you remembered that the test scanners prefered graphite.

Gabriel whined teasingly at your jap. "No fair, (Y/N/N)! I just wanted to talk to one of my best friends. That too much to ask?" He sassily remarks, flipping his floppy golden-brown hair. 

You rolled your eyes and couldn't help but feel a smile form on your face. You loved him like a brother. But that also meant he annoyed you like one too. 

"You couldn't have waited till she was done?" You couldn't help but question him further. It was one of his weaker points. Under pressure, he tended to get uncomfortable. 

"Nope." Popping the 'p' he blew a kiss at you. "Anyway, how prepared do you think you are for this test? I almost made it an all-nighter trying to cram everything in again. Fuck me and my terrible memory." You grinned and giggled under your hand. 

"Gabriel, I told you, if you ever needed help studying I would be there. You're gonna do fine." 

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Easy for you to say. You didn't even have to study with that god-given gift of a memory you got." 

You bite the inside of your cheek, faking a slight chuckle. Everyone thought remembering everything was a superpower. Sure, if you call superpowered headaches and occasional dizzy spells a super-side-effect. 

So, yes, you had the 'gift' of having hyperthymesia. The disorder where you never forgot anything. Of course, there were a few rare occasions, like you could only remember a handful of memories from before you were four. But other than that, you had nothing from your earliest childhood. It made you feel semi-normal. 

"It isn't a gift, Gabe. It's only a gift in the academic field. And I'm lucky to have a 'genius' IQ." You huffed in response to Gabriel's little comment. 

"Yeah yeah, but you have a filing cabinet for a memory. So why study? You have it all up there." He asks, taking the test packet from the assistant that had finally made it to him. 

"Studying, as a science, is a great way to improve your memory, quicken your speed of processing data and important information, and you stretch your mind's capacity for learning. Also it helps me understand a topic better. Just like anyone else." 

You take the packet from the assistant and widen your eyes slightly at the size. It was massive. At least the size of your tiniest textbook. You could almost hear Gabriel whimper next to you as he saw how big the packet was. At least you all had three and a half hours. And it wasn't required to get through all of them. Just try to do your best on the written response ones.

You turn to Gabriel and hold out your fist. "Good luck." 

Gabriel sighed and gave you a smile before pumping his fist gently against yours. Soon after he made a dramatic explosion noise that only you could hear. You roll your eyes and shake your head again, turning your full attention finally to the large test in front of you. 

Here goes nothing, you tell yourself. 

○●♡●○  

Remarkably, you think you did okay. Of course, you finished the test in the first hour and a half, but who's counting? Certainly not you. 

You rub your aching wrists from so much essay work as you exit the testing room. Even with an unbeatable memory like yours, your hands were still human. So they hurt like a bitch. 

You sigh and take a quick seat on the bench outside the room, probably sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd of other cadets who weren't in your graduating class. But you tried not to pay it any mind. You were used to being the 'odd man out'. 

You check your phone and smile down at the message your other friend, Iris, had sent you. She wasn't testing for the FBI like you and Gabe. No she was a barista with some mean skills at mixing new drinks. She wanted to open her own cafe and Gabriel and you wanted to support her. She'd been there for you every second of the last five years. You owed her at least a little thanks. 

When you look up, you couldn't help but notice a tall, lanky looking man with long, curly hair walking towards you as he looked for…something. You couldn't tell. Probably a map. He had a gun holstered on the side of his belt along with a blurry ID you couldn't read from so far away. But it looked like it said FBI. 

You stifled a soft snicker. This guy could say he was a teacher's assistant and if he didn't have the gun on him, you would've believed him. 

And that's when you caught his eye and instantly you recognized who this lost puppy was. More specifically, who he belonged to. 

"Hi, uh I'm Dr. Spe-" he began, looking a bit nervous as he began to introduce himself. 

"Dr. Spencer Reid. From the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I've heard of you." You accidentally interrupt. "Sorry. I don't forget names easily. I don't forget them ever, really." 

Nervously, you rub your hand on your neck, waiting for his response. And surprisingly, it wasn't one you expected. 

Spencer widened his eyes a bit in wonder that someone knew of him that he hadn't met before on a case. And she knew which branch he worked in. He blushed a bit, growing a tad tongue tied. 

"S-sorry, I'm Cadet (L/N)." 

Spencer raised an eyebrow. He wondered why you didn't give him your first name. But he didn't pry. It was your personal business. And besides, it wasn't like he needed to know your first name. 

"U-uh yeah, actually. I-I wanted to ask you if you knew where I could get a glimpse of a map. Just so I can find my way around. I'm here for a 'lecture' that I'm helping give the graduating class of FBI agents." He couldn't help but brag a tiny bit. "It doesn't start for another 3 hours, but I like to be prepared." 

You smiled up at this tall nerd. And an incredibly cute one at that. He was so out of place you sympathized with him. He was basically you. In like, every academic scene you've ever been in. 

"Understandable. I'll be seeing you there hopefully. I'm a part of that class." You grinned. "But yeah, here's the map," you say, pulling up a digital map on your phone. Spencer leaned over your shoulder and looked it over. You couldn't help but shiver slightly at the sound of his breathing so close to your ear. It felt eerily calming. 

"Really?" He asked after he pulled away from your shoulder. "T-thank you for the map, by the way." He adds last-minute. You giggle gently and nod. 

"Yep. The test only started an hour and about 45 minutes ago, so I gotta wait a little while." Groaning playfully you shrug at him, crossing your arms to get more comfortable. You wouldn't lie, he was seriously cute. Of course, you'd seen him before on your secret internet dives. But in-person was so much better than sitting behind a screen gawking over a photo. An ID photo no less. 

"You already finished?" 

There it was. The immediate doubt of your intelligence everyone had when you accidentally showed your smarts. You sighed. "Yeah. Kinda hard not to with an IQ of 167 and a memory that pretty much never fails." You shrugged nervously, looking away as you braced yourself for his incoming doubt. 

"Oh. Hyperthymesia, right?" He inquires. You blink a few times and look at him like he just said something so foreign you didn't know how to respond. 

"U-uh...y-yeah. It's rare, but I got it. How'd you know?" 

"It was more of an educated guess. See, you bite the inside of your cheek when you're nervous," he points out. You in fact, were biting your cheek as he spoke. "And you seem unintimidated by me despite knowing of my position. You only grew nervous when I mentioned anything academic. Which proves to me you're used to being the smartest kid in the room. And having to explain why every time." He finishes, leaving you a gigantic puddle of impressed and embarrassed that he had profiled all of that from only a few minutes from conversation. 

"Geez, didn't expect to get profiled today. You're really good at it, you know. Well, I mean you would be. 'Cause you w-work for the BAU." You begin to ramble, groaning internally for suddenly turning into an awkward blob in front of this professional. 

Spencer smiled a bit wider and let out a soft laugh. "So, y-you want to work for the BAU?" 

You look at him puzzled for a moment before you remember that he'd been profiling you for the past five or so minutes. "Right, profiler…" you mutter. "Y-yeah. It's kinda been a dream of mine for years. Police officer never really appealed to me. I wanted to get into the real deal. Catch the hard criminals. Give myself a challenge, you know?" You rattle off, realizing just how comfortable you'd grown to Spencer in the short conversation you've had. 

Spencer nodded. "It was always a dream of mine as well. I was kinda groomed for it." He admitted. "S-so… any jitters at all? Did you know that t-the common feeling of nervousness or 'butterflies' is actually caused by the reduced blood flow to the abdomen. Your stomach's sensory nerves sense the lack of oxygen and blood and it produces the fluttery feeling you get before a test or before a big performance." 

You smile brighter. "Really? I never thought of that. I always just thought it was a signal your brain sent or something. That's interesting. I'm kinda glad I won't forget that." 

Spencer felt his surprise increase again. You hadn't cut him off. There was no 'Sorry I asked' or awkward asking if he always did this. You actually listened. And you wanted to hear more! He didn't think he'd ever find someone willing to listen. 

"H-heh…" Spencer chuckled. "W-well did you know that most people will forget 50 percent of the information you've been taught in one hour will be forgotten? A-and in 24 hours more than 75% of the information is gone. That's why studying is so important. It helps retain that information so it doesn't 'slip' as easily." He begins to rattle off again, quite glad he found someone who actually wanted to hear his statistics. It was a good cover for his nervousness about talking to this incredibly gorgeous woman. 

You tilt your head in interest, laughing gently. "That's what I keep saying! Yet everyone always asks 'Why study if you remember everything?'" You exclaim, making a whiny voice expression for the impression of absolutely every bully you'd had ever. 

A darker skinned man, who was much more gifted physically walked over as you and Spencer continued your conversation. He wrapped an arm around Spencer teasingly and nodded to you. 

"Hope this pretty boy ain't bothering you baby girl." He greets. "He's great once you get to know him." 

Spencer just looks annoyed at this man's sudden presence. "Seriously, Morgan? We were actually having a conversation before you butted in." He grumbled annoyedly. Then you remember the face. This was SSA Derek Morgan. You'd seen him in some pictures with Spencer. He wasn't too bad looking. In fact, you knew Iris would climb him faster than a squirrel did a tree. But Spencer was a bit more your type. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow and smirked at you. "Oh really? So now pretty boy's talking to girls?" He teases, letting Spencer free from his suffocating hold. He then extends a hand out to me. "Derek-" he started. 

"Derek Morgan. SSA from the BAU. Yeah, I know about you." You grinned. He looked you up and down a bit in the same interest that Spencer had. That soon was replaced by a confident smile. 

"So you know of me." He said in a clearly flirtatious tone. "Don't tell me you've been searching up my pictures in your freetime, babygirl." He flirts. 

You roll your eyes and take his hand, shaking it firmly. "No, I haven't. Though I have heard of you from my classes. But if I'm honest?" You begin. "I'm really wishing I could forget that comment." You sassily respond. He laughed. 

"No one ever forgets, Babygirl." He grinned. 

Spencer sighed and turned to Morgan in annoyance. "Morgan." He deadpanned. You looked towards him and giggled a little. It was clear Spencer had wanted to talk to only you. Maybe it was something to do with the statistics. You had a feeling that he felt he was finally being listened to. 

"What? I'm just introducing myself to one of the new cadets." He insists, raising two hands up in defeat. 

"Did you just profile me without my permission?" You ask him with fake offense. He laughed. 

"Did I need to ask, sweetheart?" He asks. You chuckle. 

"Guess not." You shrug. 

"What's your name, beautiful? A pretty face has got to have a pretty name." He flirted. 

"I'm Cadet (L/N)."

Morgan raised an eyebrow, fully ready to ask why the hold-up on your first name when Spencer thankfully saved you an explanation. 

"She didn't share it with me either. Probably a mode of trust." He explains. Morgan shrugged. 

"I'll find out eventually. You'll give it away." He insists. 

"Uh huh, sure I will." You tease. 

"Reid, Morgan, we need to prepare." You hear a third voice call the two men away from you. You stand a bit on your tiptoes to get a good look at who it was that was speaking. 

Aaron Hotchner walked towards the three of you almost with a purpose. So much confidence in one man. 

"Who is this?" He asked. 

"I'm Cadet (L/N), Agent Hotchner. It's a pleasure to meet you." You greet, holding out a hand to him. Hotch raised an eyebrow at you in interest before shaking your hand in earnest. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well. I've heard of your excellent grades and work in your studies. I hope to see you among the enlistees requesting the BAU." He greets, letting his hand fall back to his side. 

"That's the plan, Agent Hotchner." You chip pleasantly. Morgan seems genuinely surprised.  

"Wait, you're interested in the BAU? Profile me." He insisted. You blush from the sudden spotlight. 

"W-what?" You ask. 

"Morgan, that's enough." Hotch warns. 

"Leave her alone, Morgan." Spencer expressed. 

"No, it's fine." You assure. "Well, from the looks of your attire compared to your colleagues, I'd say you hate wearing formal clothing. Prefer to be comfortable. Your consistent flirty personality is mostly a show, as you wouldn't really flirt with someone you just met the way you flirted with me. So you either have someone in mind, or have a partner at home. And besides that, the way you greeted Dr. Reid proves you think of him as a younger brother, and you treat him like the brother you never had." You finished, a pleading voice in the back of your head screaming at you in hopes that you hadn't gone too far. 

Instead of being offended, Morgan began to smile and grinned, clearly impressed. "She's actually pretty good." He comments to Hotch, glancing to Spencer and then back to you. "You'd make a good profiler." He compliments. You smile happily and full of relief at him. 

"I sure hope so. Anyway, you should probably get going to the auditorium. The mics are a pain to tune and figure out, so I'd get it done now." You giggle slightly. 

Spencer nodded and smiled at you. "T-thank you, again. Cadet (L/N)." 

You couldn't help but blush a tad as he said your title. "Of course, Dr. Reid. Anytime you need directions." You tease. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow. "What about me?" He teased back. You mock think about it for a moment before you reply. 

"Sorry, I think you can figure it out, pretty boy." You joke, winking at him. He smiled brightly at your sass, chuckling a bit. 

Hotch then got your attention very easily. "It was a pleasure to meet you again, (L/N)." 

"You too. Good luck on the lecture." You bid them all fair well and turn around to take your seat again. 

"Ooh, somebody's in looove~!" You hear Gabriel sing in a sing-song voice. You chuckle and shake your head. 

"I am not in love, Gabriel. You just started eying the pretty boy I was talking to. You know, handsome black guy?" You tease. 

"Hmm, yeah, probably. But seriously. I saw you looking at that other kid, the professor's-aide-looking guy, like he was a mountain of sugar. And I know sugar." He teased, sipping a coke he had obviously bought after the test. 

"Oh shut up. Have you heard from Iris yet?" You ask. 

"Nope. She's probably busy over at The Bean. We should go visit. Tell her about your rendezvous with Mr. Teacher's aid." Gabriel snickered. 

"No, we are not telling Iris anything. You know how she gets. She gets all protective, and then nobody wants to go out with me cause they're all scared of her." You groan, stealing his coke for a moment. 

Gabriel smirks at you. "So you admit that you like him?" He teases. You immediately realize your mistake and groan, covering your reddening face. 

Gabriel chuckled and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. "Come on, sugar-tits. Let's get out of here for a lil' bit. Come back for that 'lecture' in like an hour." He teased. You bring your hands away from your face and sigh. 

Did you really like him? Maybe. It was probably just an internet crush. Nothing more. It wasn't like it could get worse. 

[alternateafterthought]

Arcane - Part 11

Ø  Meaning: Secret, Mysterious, Understood only by few. MAGIC

Ø  Pairing: Panther Hybrid Min Yoongi x Reader

Ø  Summary: Some secrets are kept for the good of people. Some secrets are kept for abuse or power. Yoongi had been a victim of abuse and power, and he wasn’t going to let anyone else use secrets for that purpose. So, when Y/N comes into his life with secrets, he doesn’t want to fall into that rabbit hole again. He doesn’t want to give all his trust to someone who will abuse their power over him. But maybe Y/N’s secrets are a good thing.

Ø  Genre: Hybrid!au, fluff, angst, eventual smut

Ø  Warnings: I know in the last part I warned that it was more intense this part but I somehow left that out and wrote it in a way that it isn’t bad, Of course dealing with this subject there is a small trigger warning... What the character did is not right, and no one should ever have to be put through something like this!! Stay safe out there!

Ø  Word Count: 1625

Ø  A/N: Hey guys… here is the next part of my Min Yoongi fic!! I am back with another part of Arcane!! It has been so long since I posted anything or written anything so I really hope you all like this part and understand that sometimes I just don’t have inspiration to keep writing!! So, I really hope you guys love and support this fic like you did with GOLDEN TIME!! If you want to be added to a tag list, message me or leave a comment or ask!! I would love and appreciate your feedback!! Thank you so much

PREV / NEXT

Y/N couldn’t concentrate.

She wouldn’t lie to anyone and say that she was interested in the paperwork in front of her. In actuality, she couldn’t tell anyone who asked what it was she was supposed to be concentrating on. Her mind was completely preoccupied with the events of her tragic and questionable weekend.

Monday mornings were always hard, coming off a good weekend. Try a Monday morning coming off a horrible weekend. It was currently 11:02 on Thursday after the horrible weekend and no amount of coffee, even the 8 cups Y/N had been through since 5am when she woke up, or distractions would take her mind off of her Hybrid at home.

Said hybrid had been hiding, completely avoiding the outside world, more importantly avoiding Y/N, for days now. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, all the way until today being Thursday and Yoongi still hadn’t come out of hiding.

Every morning Y/N would knock three times on Yoongi’s door, letting him know she was there. She’d leave him a tray of food outside his door before leaving for work, texting him routinely through the day at 11am, 1pm, 4pm just before she would return home to what was pretty much an empty house. It was always so cold, all the lights were always off, no heat, no Yoongi at the door to greet her home.

Every afternoon Y/N would hang her coat and bag, walk to the hall, and see that the tray off food she’d left in the morning had been completely untouched. It was concerning, Y/N didn’t know if Yoongi was eating or not, and from the looks of the cold, untouched food, it didn’t look like he was.

After taking the food back to the kitchen and throwing it out, Y/N would start to fix dinner for the both of them. Leaving a tray at Yoongi’s door before going back and sitting by herself at the table, hoping that maybe Yoongi would join her.

He never did.

And she could blame no one except herself.

Y/N was supposed to help him, protect him. She had promised that no harm would ever come to him. And yet, she was the reason that he completely hid from her, from the world.

She could see it as if it were happening in the moment. Pushing open the door, seeing Yoongi laying on the bed, arms up, eyes wide, begging for help. She could see Hye-Jin looking annoyed as Y/N stood in the door, straddling Yoongi’s waist.

Y/N would never forget the panic that flashed through Yoongi’s eyes, even as Y/N acted. Y/N didn’t waste any time in pulling Hye-Jin off of Yoongi, not saying anything as she threw the girl out of her house, slamming the door in her surprised face as she raced back to Yoongi’s room. She wanted to check on him, make sure he was okay, reach out to him.

But when she finally got back to his door, it was shut, closed off from the world.

Y/N was pulled out of her constant worrying by the ringing of her phone. Shaking her head, she looked at the caller ID, not recognizing the number.

“Hello?” Y/N spoke into her phone, thanking the fact that her office door was closed.

“Hello? Miss Y/N?” A familiar voice asked, though Y/N couldn’t place it.

“This is her? May I ask who this is?”

“Miss Y/N, it’s Jung Hoseok, from HOPE Sanctuary.” The voice cheerfully answered.

“Oh, J-Hope, right?” Y/N smiled widely at the memory of the man who helped her to adopt the hybrid currently hiding from her

“Yes. How are you? How’s Yoongi?”

The question was a dangerous one. How could Y/N explain to the man that had entrusted one of his friends to her, that she had completely and totally fucked up? She didn’t like the thought of lying to him, didn’t like the position she was already in, but how could she tell him what had happened? How could she tell him she was probably the worst thing that could happen to Yoongi?

“Y/N? Are you still there?” J-Hope asked.

“Oh yes, I’m still here.” Y/N forced a laughed. “Sorry just a lot on my mind with work. But I’m good, Yoongi is good.”

“Well that’s good to hear.”

Y/N could hear movement in the back of the phone call, J-hope wasn’t alone, and she could guess just how many were there. 5 hybrids missing their panther and a human who was so much better equip to this job then she was.

“Hyung, ask her…” Y/N heard a small, muffled voice.

“It would seem I have some impatient hybrids with me.” J-Hope’s cheerful voice came through with a laugh. “But they were wondering if that offer still stood? If they were able to come and visit their Yoongi Hyung?”

“Hey, I’m his Hyung!” Y/N heard a protest coming from behind J-Hope.

“Of course, you can.” Y/N heard herself saying without missing a beat. “I’m sure Yoongi would love a visit from you all.”

“Really?” Someone else spoke, seeming to have taken the phone off J-Hope. “We can come visit?”

“Of course, you can visit.” Y/N really just couldn’t stop herself, anything that will ease Yoongi would be welcomed. “I know Yoongi has been thinking about you guys. I was actually going to offer Yoongi if he would like a trip back to the city to see you all.”

“Oh perfect. It seems I have good timing.” J-Hope’s voice was a little distant from the phone, meaning the phone was on speaker now. “When would be the best time for us to come down?”

“You can come down any time you’re ready to.” Y/N moved around some paperwork, looking for her journal.

“We could fly in tomorrow afternoon?” J-Hope proposed, she could feel the nerves of them all.

“Perfect.” Y/N wrote a little note into her journal, noting they would be here. “I’ll clear out the other rooms for you all tonight. Will you be coming with them J-hope?”

“If it’s not too much trouble? I would like to be with them?”

“Of course.” Y/N hoped she could talk to Yoongi tonight. “I’ll make sure to have lots of food ready for you all. I know Yoongi will be happy.”

A cheer rang through the phone, letting Y/N know they were excited for the chance of a trip. She would just hope that Yoongi would be excited to see his brothers after nearly 2 months.

“We should let you get back to work now Y/N.” J-Hope seemed to have finally taken the phone back, placing it to his ear. “I’ll text you the details of a flight, so you know when to expect us.”

“Sounds good.” Y/N smiled, nodding. “I’ll see you all soon.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

Finally hanging up, Y/N let out a deep sigh, her head in her hands on the desk in front of her. She didn’t know what to do, she had a problem to solve at home with Yoongi and now his brothers were coming to see him. Finally sitting back up she pushed her hair out of her face, picking up her phone and ringing the familiar number, only for it to ring out.

Said hybrid sat in his room, staring at his phone as Y/N’s name lit up the screen in his pitch-black darkness. It’s not like the darkness actually affected him anyway, but still it was dark. Dark enough that he knew if Y/N was home and had walked through his door, like the many times he’s hoped she would in the past week, she’d have tripped.  

Yoongi would never straight up admit it, but he seriously missed Y/N. He knew it was his own doing, hiding himself away from her after what someone else did. But he couldn’t help but feel betrayed that she had let someone like that into his territory.

She had to know. Yoongi couldn’t help but think that Y/N had to know that he wanted to do nothing but protect his territory, and that meant her as well. He just wanted to protect the woman who gave him a change, but she was the one bringing dangers into his territory.

He couldn’t exactly forget it, what that girl felt like pressed against him. Yoongi could never really forget the pure look of lust in her eyes as he tried to get away from her. She had stalk him as if he were the prey and she were the predator, she had used his past against him, and it had won.

He would truly never be able to forgive himself for falling, failing to stop himself from feeling sorry for himself. He already knew that hiding and curling in on himself was wrong, and yet here he was, lying in the dark, staring at a black screen, hoping, praying for Y/N to reach out to him.

They were truly words that would haunt him, words that were whispered into his ear. Words that he had buried deep within his mind and now…

“Your just a pet… this is what your made for.”

“She’ll never please you the way I will.”

“Come on, this is what we got you for.”

“She’ll never love you.”

Again, and again. It was like a broken record playing for his downfall.

Hye-Jin’s words weren’t the first to tell him that, they were a constant in the last few homes he had been in. He just never thought they’d be words he heard while here with Y/N.

Now he just stared at the screen as it lit up again with Y/N’s name. He couldn’t bring himself to answer it, couldn’t bring himself to hear the broken words leave her mouth as he tried to call for him.

PREV / NEXT

Tag List

@ariana-winchester95​ | @haven-raven012591​ | @gracehiii​ | @larenelizabeth​ | @legazix​ | @jiminot7​ | @narcissism-iskey​ | @aileanagreene | @marvelstuck​ | @sana-b​ | @jisoosbitch​ | @dabmeifyoucan​ | @hoseokslefteyebrow​ | @kookie-vuitton​ | @namjoonies-dimple​ | @wrecklesseuphoria​ | @wheredoiwhaaat25​ | @lorielulu7​ | @myfictionparadise​​ | @katbonv​​ | @redperson58​​ | @btsxdoll​ | @wwinter2wwonderland |  @purelyecstacy​​ | @c0ldspaghetti | @tea-ay-en-you | @softescapism​ | @shit-loads-of-angst​ | @garnetroze​ | @prybts​ |

[levis-hazelnut]

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): I don’t think there are any in this chapter. But, please do tell me if there are any.

Taglist (closed!): @castellandiangelo

Status: completed!

part 3 > part 4 > part 5

series masterlist

My elbow was propped up on the table with my head in my palm as I flicked around the fruit in my bowl with a fork. I was home alone since Hanji went out somewhere and I had nothing to do. Yeah, the weather was pleasant but I didn't feel like going out even though it's a Saturday. I just wanted to roll myself into a ball in a corner and slowly die. What's the reason for my misery? Well, you probably don't even care, but I'll tell you anyway. So, you know how I told Petra that she can take away my Levi, yes, he's my Levi. Whatever. So, of course, since I'm such a great friend, I started to try and get them to hang out more and more, while I tried to fight away my feelings. The feelings that try and consume me every time I see that stupidly sexy face of his.

 Before I start fantasising about him, I'll carry on... So, they seem to get along well since Levi prefers normal people, unlike myself and my other friends. He still hangs out with me, but just not as much as before and I truly think he's catching feelings for her. Oh, I should also mention that this has been going on for three months so it's definitely possible for that to happen. Like I basically fell in love with him as soon as I saw him. Well, who cares about me and my feelings? I know Levi doesn't (well, he tries to care for me but I push him away as the idiot I am).

And that's essentially the reason why I want to die in a corner. They both better thank me when they get together otherwise I will straight up trash every single one of their dates. I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. I'm a poor excuse of-- "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that." Tch. His dumb voice is trying to slither into my brain. Can't I at least finish my self-loathe session? So inconsiderate. "Ugh, why am I annoyed at him for something I caused? I'm truly a horrible being," I muttered to no one in particular before groaning when I reached for my phone that buzzed in my ears. "What?" I spat when I answered, not even reading the caller ID. "Good afternoon to you, too, darlin'. What's wrong with you?" Oh, it's my favourite person ever... "What do you want, Ackerman?" I asked with a bitter tone. "First of all, I want an explanation." "For what?" "Why are you acting like this? You've been moping around for the past couple of fucking months. What's going on?" "... Nothing. What's the other thing you want?" "I haven't gotten an explanation yet." "Levi, please, just forget about it." My tone showed that I just wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. I heard a sigh before hushed words sounded. "(Y/N), I'm going to come to your apartment and hold you at gunpoint if you don't tell me." "Sure, do whatever, but I'm still not going to tell you." "You're fucking crazy." Yeah, I know. That's why you prefer Petra over me, I thought. "I know. Can you leave me alone now?" "... The other thing I wanted to ask is if I could come over later." "Why? Are you actually going to hold me at gunpoint?" I asked sarcastically. Another sigh sounded. "We've barely hung out recently and it sounds like you're going to start crying any moment, so I'll come and keep you company. Also, we have that assignment to do." Why do you have to be such a softy? Just when I was getting annoyed with you, you decide to be a Prince Charming. "Fine. What time are you coming?" "Is three fine?" I glanced at the time and saw that it was already two o'clock. "Yep. I'll see you later." "Bye." ~/~ Levi and I sat at the small, round dining table with both of our laptops open as we worked on the assignment together. We let Lo-Fi play quietly as background noise and we often spoke - either to distract ourselves from the boring shit we were doing, or to help each other. As he said, Levi had a come a few minutes before three o'clock and after trying to get me to tell what happened, he decided it was futile and suggested we start working. Since I had nothing else to do apart from dying, I agreed.

As he cleared the table and put his things on the surface, I got whatever snacks we had and placed them in the middle of the table. I also made Levi a tea and myself - a coffee before we sat down and started. I wasn't really in the mood for anyone. I didn't even want Levi to be here when he first arrived, but now I don't mind since he gives me good company. After about an hour, Levi suddenly decided to get up so I averted my eyes from the laptop screen to question what was wrong.

And his answer?

Girl, get ready for this. You're going to burst into tears for me. "... I'm going on a date with Petra." There it is. The reason why I wanted to just breakdown and die in a hole. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Those words kept on repeating in my mind like some kind of incantation as he packed his things away and slipped his jacket on before grabbing his phone. Soon, I knocked out of my trance and looked up at him before standing up. "... Petra?" "I asked her out yesterday." "You did?" I squeaked out, assuming that Petra would have been the one to ask him out. "Yeah. Anyway, I'll see you on Monday." "Okay. Bye." Being a good host, I walked him to the door and waited for him to put his shoes on before closing the door once he left. (Y/N), don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry. He's just a boy... A boy that's a damn Adonis, and has hair I want to tangle my fingers in, and eyes I could stare into all day, and a nose that's just so boopable, and a jaw that could slice me, and lips that I wish I could feel on mine, and a body that looks better than any athlete... Yeah, he's just a boy... that I'm going to fall in love with. Hey, does anyone know a good suicide method that leads to certain death? No? Okay. ~/~ "(Y/N)? Are you home?" "... Yes," I muttered as I laid on the soft carpet in the living room with my cheek pressed against it. "Why are you... on the floor?" Hanji inquired with clear confusion written on her face. "I need help: I want to cry, but my eyes won't even fucking water. I want to die, but I still have a long life ahead of me. I want to sleep, but I'm not even tired. I want to--" "Okay, okay. What's going on?" my bestie questioned and crouched down. "Why are you like this?" I turned my face so it could hide in the carpet. I don't care if I would get spots from stuffing my face in it, I just needed something to comfort me and this was my solution. "Levi and Petra are going on a date today," I spoke into the material and I could almost imagine Hanji's shocked face. You see, I never told her about my stupid promise. "Sorry?" "Levi, aka the love of my life, asked Petra out yesterday.." "Oh, (Y/N)..." I could hear the pity in her voice. "How did this happen?" "Because of my dumb ass." I explained the rest of the story to Hanji, though my words were muffled since I was still giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to the rug. But I know she heard every single word I said. "You know I would never say this to you, but you're a fucking idiot." "Yeah, I know." "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that." "Tch. I can't even stop thinking about him and his shitty words," I mumbled, making sure that my words were inaudible to Hanji since she would ask what I was going on about. "You should've asked him out." "But that would've looked bad after I told Petra I'd help her." "Well, I don't know why you didn't ask him out before. It's already been five months since he first came, and you haven't done anything." "The first month, Eren didn't let me. And the second month is when Petra asked me to help her, so I couldn't do anything for the other three months." "Okay... Petra is a sweet girl with a kind heart, and she deserves someone to make her happy. But, you've basically been married to him since you were thirteen, or however old we were when we made him up. You can't let others take him away from you. I'm sorry, (Y/N), but you truly are an idiot." "I understand that, Hanji. Don't make me hate myself more than I already do." "So, what do you plan to do now?" "I don't know," I sighed before finally sitting up, cross-legged on the floor. "I can't really do anything about it... Hanji, what if they end up getting married?" "... It's only one date. And it may lead to many others, but we never know if they'll get that far." I huffed once again and stared at the ground. Tears still wouldn't fall. And a couple of hours later, I found the kind of comfort I needed. I didn't need words, I just needed warmth in the arms of someone that cares about me and loves me. My face was buried in the crook of Eren's neck as his arms tightened around my form as we laid down on the sofa. I rested on top of him as he tucked my head under his chin and fiddled with my hair.

No words were spoken, none were needed. And he knew that whenever I felt better, I would tell him what happened. But, for now, he would hold me and comfort me. I seriously don't know what I would do without him. He's always been there for me (if Hanji was unable to) and he always manages to get me back to my normal self. But who knows if it will work this time? We stayed in that position for maybe just less than an hour before I sat up and drifted my fingers through my hair with a heavy sigh. Eren also sat up and I could see him looking at me from my peripheral vision, so I turned to face him. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" "... Yeah...” I sighed before explaining everything to him. "... Oh," was all that came out of his mouth before he embraced me once more. "What do I do?" I whispered, and anyone would be able to hear the obvious pain in my voice. "I'm sorry, but I don't know, (Y/N). Just distract yourself. Moping around won't do anything." "I know. But I don't even feel like going anywhere. Or doing anything." "Come on. Don't just dwell on it, do something to take it off your mind. Have a shower, or sleep, or anything to help you." "Hanji's in the shower. I'm not tired. I don't know what else I could do." "(Y/N), I don't like seeing you like this," Eren muttered and gripped my shoulders to pull me away from the embrace. "It's one guy--" "Yeah, one guy that happened to be someone me and Hanji made up. And he happened to like someone else." "Well, why did you make up someone so attractive?" "Eren, this is not my fault, so shut up. How the hell was I supposed to know that he was going to be real?" He bit back a chuckle. "Sorry." "... Please tell me what's so funny?" "You're just adorable when you're angry. Well, when you aren't angry with me." I huffed and flopped back against the cushion of the sofa, hoping it could suck me in. ~/~ On the way to university, I stopped by my favourite cafe and grabbed a coffee before continuing my journey. Wondering why I'm not rushing or tired? Well, that's because my first lecture is at two o'clock so I had the right amount of sleep, and didn't have to force myself to get out of bed or rush. However, I wasn't looking forward to going since two people are going to be there, and I don't feel interacting with them. If you haven't guessed who I'm talking about, the two people are Levi and Petra. As I wandered through the building to get to the lecture hall, I spotted Petra talking to Historia and decided to walk in a different direction. When I turned around, taking a sip of my coffee, I bumped into someone which caused me to choke on the beverage. I patted my chest as I coughed before silencing and looking at the person I accidentally collided against. Of all people... "Hey, darlin'." "You sure you still want to call me that now even though you have a girlfriend?" I muttered and he lifted an eyebrow my way. "Why do you look so confused? Have you already forgotten about Petra?" "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You're still in a bad mood?" "Yeah, I am. And don't even think about questioning me about it. I have a lecture to go to." "Hold up." He took hold of my forearm and I tried yanking myself out of his grip but it was futile. His grip was strong, but it wasn't painful. "We still have five minutes until we have to be there." "... So? Don't you think I should be early for once?" "Fine. But let's walk together--" "Levi!" Oh, I knew exactly whose voice that belonged to. Why am I annoyed at her? She didn't do anything wrong. I need to stop blaming others for the things I caused. "Hi, Levi!" Petra beamed and she pecked his cheek as I slowly felt the raven's grip on me loosen, allowing me to free myself. "Hi, (Y/N)." "Hey," I smiled. Damn, my smile was more fake than propaganda. "I heard you went on a date with Levi. How was it?" I asked, shooting a glance to the male to see that his eyes were on me. "I'm going to borrow your girlfriend for a second." "Sure," he replied as Petra walked beside me, going through random corridors as we spoke. "So, where did you go?" "Well, we went to the cinema first, and then, a small restaurant." "Did he initiate anything?" I smirked, trying to be a teenager that loves gossip. "Um... He gave me a small kiss on the lips when he dropped me home. It was very brief though, almost like a peck." "That's great! That obviously means he had a great time. Did you have fun?" "Yes. Thank you so much, (Y/N). I owe you so much." "Oh, no, it's fine. It's just a favour for an awesome friend." She smiled at me as we made our way back to Levi, finding him standing in the exact same spot. He noticed the smile on my lips but didn't say anything when Petra told him that she has to head to her next lecture. She waved at both of us as I started walking. "(Y/N)?" "What?" I said with exasperation. "Where's that smile gone?" "Levi," I started and turned around to face him. "You don't understand how much I'm trying to stay calm right now. But if you ask me one more question, you'll regret it. All you need to know is that I'm going through something and I don't want to talk about it at all." He simply sighed and nodded as we proceeded to go to our lecture in silence. When I walked in after Levi, I felt someone tousle my hair so I turned around to see Jean, who winked at me. Oh, yeah, I also didn't speak to Jean about getting over me and whatever-whatever. I'm only human, okay? I can't deal with so many things when I have so much on my mind. "Hey, babe." "I already told you not to call me that millions of times." "What's wrong with you?" 3... 2... 1... and... "I've had enough of this... Everyone can just take their fucking noses out of my fucking business! It has nothing to do with you and I have no intention of sharing it with you! Just leave me alone, you fucking assholes!" There it is. The eruption. I barged past Jean and stormed down the corridor as I heard Levi and Jean call me. For fuck's sake. What part of my outburst did they not understand? I do not wish to talk about it and I don't want them commenting on my mood. Just let me be. I slammed the door of the bathroom open, frightening someone I paid no attention to as I leaned against the wall of the bathroom and gazed at the floor. I didn't care about hygiene right now, I just needed some space. "(Y/N)?" I guess I won't be having that, I thought before I looked up to find Hanji there. Gosh, I was so grateful to see her, so I threw myself at her. "What happened? Don't you have a lecture right now?" "Yeah, I do. But people are just pissing me off," I spoke into her chest and I felt her hand pat my back. I parted from the hug and she looked at me questioningly. So, obviously I told her what happened earlier. It wasn't anything big, but I just needed to vent. "(Y/N), you've looked so hurt the past couple of days, or even the past couple of months, and I hate to see you like this. You either cut off ties with both of them or try and keep your feelings away." "I can't do either of those." "Then, you won't be able to fix yourself. Get over the fact that Levi has a potential girlfriend, who is not you. We never know what's in the future so suck it up and be a man,” she said. I fought back a smile that tried to etch onto my lips before giving up and letting it spread across my face. Hanji grinned because she saw I was in a better mood. "Now, get back to your lecture. Who's your professor for this lecture?" "Mike." "Oh, he won't care if you walk in late. Go." I was about to leave, but I looked back and gave Hanji another smile. "Thank you, Hanji." "No problem!" I entered the lecture hall, avoiding the stares from Jean and Levi as I went to sit next to Historia, who grinned up at me. I gave a smile in return and paid attention to the lecture straight away, not wanting any distractions. I kept any negative thoughts out of my mind and focused on my education. Both males that I shouted at didn't try to speak to me for the rest of the day and I was glad about that because when I shouted at them earlier, that was just me getting a little angry. So, if they attempted to talk to me, I would literally explode and say things that shouldn't be repeated. Now, I was at home with Hanji, talking about crap I was barely paying attention to. "(Y/N)...? (Y/N)?" the brunette called. "(Y/N)!" "Hm...? Oh, sorry." "What's up?" "... I kind of feel bad for shouting at Jean and Levi when they were simply caring for me. But, I'm also still pissed at them for nagging me. And I'm not over the fact that Levi and Petra are dating. Also, I haven't spoken to Jean about the whole moving on thing--" "Stop. You need to forget about everything, it's affecting your mood and your thoughts, and you barely concentrate on anything. If you keep this going, you're only going to get worse." "Hanji... I'm trying. No matter what I'm doing, these thoughts always consume me." "Well, talk to Jean. At least you'll have one less thing to fret about." "Uh, I think I'll wait for him to talk to me because I can't just bring it up out of nowhere after shouting at him." "Okay. Also, just apologise to both of them. Then, all that's going to be on your mind is Levi and Petra," she smiled before her expression contorted into something that seemed as if she was deep in her thoughts. "However, that's the biggest of your problems," she muttered and tapped her chin with an index finger as she stared at the ceiling. "I'll do the other two things, and try and do something about the Levi and Petra thing... Of course, I'm not going to break them up or anything," I quickly added when her eyes slightly widened. "I guess I'm just going to be happy for them, and then be even happier if they ever break up. I sound like such a bitch, but I can't help it." "Be whatever you want, just don't be an idiot and get yourself into another mess like this again." "No promises~" I sang with a smirk. So far, ever since Levi appeared, my life has been nothing but a mess. I don't know if that will ever change, but hey, I can only hope for the best.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Izzy and alec sibs headcanon if you have any and have an amazing day

no anon, YOU have an amazing day! dxuhaisdha

ok idk about headcanons because i think it's more that i appreciate their relationship in canon than that i have headcanons? like i said a few asks ago though there is a lot more id like to see explored in their relationship, particularly them figuring out their miscommunications and acting-in-the-name-of-each-other issues

so yeah i like to think that they eventually have a talk about that? even if it's like a few years later that it finally comes up. because while i think izzy kind of realized how much alec was shielding him from the lightwood's expectations i don't think alec ever figured out that izzy kept trying to rebel so alec could see that he could, too, and how she just wanted him to accept himself, basically

so it would be nice to see this talk happening and these things actually being said and the both of them realizing that if they had just communicated and worked together the whole time instead of assuming what the other needed and trying to take these stereotypical roles for them they would have probably gotten somewhere a lot faster and hurt each other a lot less lol. also like, alec really has to learn how to work with the people he loves instead of in their name, so i think he’d benefit a lot from this talk

other than that uhhh

i think part of the reason izzy misunderstood alec's struggle with coming out so much (i.e. thinking that he was in denial) was because she was projecting, lol. and when like after years and years izzy realized that all her comments about girls and her lowkey over-the-top investment in alec's love life/having alec accept himself were really not as straight as she thought, she is like. ah shit. so I was the one in denial the whole time? and alec just smiles and pats her shoulders like "glad you caught up, iz"

she never hears the end of it. The Revenge Of Alec. literally getting on her ass all damn day throwing in jokes about accepting herself and "being open" and all and she's like "OKAY alec i get it i'm sorry!!"

in all seriousness though, i like to think that they actually talked about all the s1 shit. kinda similar to that other talk about acting in the name of each other (honestly i think it's hard to talk about one without talking about the other) and izzy saying that she thought alec was a denial case and alec saying that he felt like izzy was trying to force him to come out when he COULDN'T and it made him feel kind of terrified. and izzy apologizing for making him feel like that, you know?

alec eventually starts going with her to her narcotics anonymous meetings. not all the time ofc because izzy needs to be able to have her own space where she can talk without the presence of anyone she knows, but sometimes. so alec can get educated and on days when it's particularly hard for her. having the support of her big brother always helps

for so long izzy was the only source of like... actual good touch and warmth and just affection, you know? and i think they are very tactile. we did get to see some of that in the show (name ONE other person alec has hugged. other than magnus who is his literal boyfriend/husband, and even then i think they might have hugged less than alec and izzy did) but i think they are actually even more tactile when there are no eyes on them. izzy comes visit alec in the loft and magnus goes to the living room to find alec and izzy full on spooning, alec carressing izzy's hair like it's the most normal thing in the world

they are used to having to stop when other ppl come, particulalrly family, tho (remember when maryse caught izzy and max playing and acted like it was a crime?) so like they are a little jumpy. but with parents who denied them affection (or had it be conditional to them doing shit they wanted, in alec's case) and sh's gross no-touching culture, they needed each other for that and they always could get comfort in each other

i mentioned max and i just ugh i loved izzy so much in her scenes with him and i think alec would be so proud of what a good big sister she is?? and she's like "i'm just trying to be like you" and he's like "shut up" but pulls her into a hug

not really a headcanon but we overlook the fact that with their height difference alec can rest his chin on the top of her head (if she's in heels LMAOOOO)?????? like dude. dude. D U EDE

part of the reason izzy wears heels all the time is because she just can't stand her and alec's height difference. WHY did he hoard all the tall??? it's humiliating enough when she's in heels but without heels she's like hitting his navel or some shit and she will NOT! PUT UP! WITH THIS! so she wears heels all the time and if she could she would walk around in those giant wooden sticks clowns use sometimes, you know the ones

every once in a while izzy gets back on her Teaching Alec How To Dance project and every time it is a nightmare

the +1 is when alec asks her for help to teach him how to dance for his wedding. please iz for the love of god no crazy stuff we're not gonna salsa just teach me how not to step on his feet all the time

when she stops trying to make the impossible happen she's actually a pretty good teacher

alec has a lot more fun with it than he lets on

alec's never paid a lot of attention to izzy's flings cuz they're, you know... flings for the most part, but when she starts to actually date (polycule? polycule) he becomes insufferably protective. ESPECIALLY when it comes to clary

*sits clary down for a lesson called "how to care about people other than yourself: a simple guide to not being a selfish bitch with my sister". it features a slideshow. with animation*

once izzy officially comes out as bi it's pretty hard and emotional for her and alec hugs her and she's all "i couldn't have done it without you. thank you for being so strong" and aaaaa

they used to wrestle a lot when they were kids and izzy would kick his ass every time

ok i think that's all i've got for now but hhhh there is plenty of other stuff tbh i just no thoughts head empty