#seriously why did he even do the thing that started the whole nonsense in the first place?

[ponderingmoonlight]

Nanami fearing rejection from his wife and daughter after Shibuya left him seriously wounded

Pairing: Nanami x wife!reader; Nanami x daughter

Word Count: 1,9k

Synopsis: Even though he survived Shibuya, Kento Nanami dies from the inside just by the thought of losing you and his precious little daughter due to his severe wounds and scarred skin. But despite his great fear, your reaction turns out completely different than expected.

Warnings: Let's just pretend this is how it ended okay I'm crying, tried to proofread this but I'm just veeeery depressed right now, this might be the fluff you NEED after today's episode

Request and idea by gorgeous @wifenanami <3

Everything’s a blur. What happened last? How did he get here? His heavy heart skips a beat. Oh, right. His whole left side burns like a thousand fires, arm unable to move even an inch by the way his skin feel like bursting every minute. He was severely burned. The last thing he saw was…

Haibara, then Yuji, and then…

You.

Oh god, just the thought of you kills him from the inside.

“Hey, easy there. Your heartbeat is jumping out of the roof. You need to rest now, Nanami. I already called your wife.”

The smell of burned cigarettes simply takes his breath away, along with the venomous words that leave Shoko’s mouth so casually.

“My wife?”, he coughs out, body desperately trying to sit up.

No, this is impossible. You can’t see him like that, body covered in burn marks with his left eye and hair missing. What will you think of him? And what about your daughter? That sweet innocent angel, will she even be able to recognize him? You, his wife, the love of his wife. Your daughter, the greatest treasure on earth.

Will you be disgusted by his fearful sight?

“Yeah, she’s already on her way. Honestly I wasn’t sure if you’ll make it, so I-“

“Why on earth did you call her?”

Shoko stops in her tracks, laying her head to the side in nothing but confusion.

“Huh, what are you talking about? (y/n)’s your wife after all, why wouldn’t I tell her?”

“What if she doesn’t recognize me? What if she’s freaked out by me? What if she brings our daughter with her?”

His sweaty palms begin to shake uncontrollably. In his life, Kento Nanami lost a lot of things: Jobs, money, people, good friends. But oh god, the thought of losing you, his precious little family. It truly kills him from the inside.

“Stop talking nonsense. Being pathetic doesn’t suit you at all”, Shoko remarks dryly.

His widen eyes dart towards the door, waiting in nothing but thick fear for your arrival. Was this afternoon the last time you looked at him as lovingly as you always did? Was it the last time his daughter kissed his right cheek before she left the house? It can’t be, it just can’t turn out like that.

But you deserve so much better. Damn, you are straight up gorgeous, a woman who turns heads on a regular basis. You need more than a crippled man by your side, more than one half of the man you used to know. He wouldn’t even be mad if your eyes lose the spark they hold for him when you see him today.

“I’m leaving now. Something seems to be off. I’m trying to get back by dinner.”

“Why do you have to go this early? I thought we’d have a little time for ourselves. Since our precious little angel is still at kindergarten and I have the afternoon off…”

Your hands roamed around his broad chest, eyes filled with nothing but affection and love. You were always bad at hiding your feelings, your bright orbs being the centre of his universe. God, how much he wanted to lock the door behind you, how much he longed for your touch. But this sounded serious.

“As much as I’d love to take that offer immediately, the young ones need me, (y/n). But I will return as soon as possible and then we’ll finish what you started.”

“Promise it”, you demanded, a small understanding smile decorating your delicate lips while he held your body so tightly against his.

“I promise it. I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

One last longing kiss on your forehead. One last kiss before he left your house with a last “I love you” shouted into thin air.  

“Damn”, he hisses through gritted teeth, pain pulsating through his whole body, taking his sight.

What is his life worth without you in it?

-(y/n)’s POV-

“Mommy, I’m scared.”

“Hey, hold your head up high, angel. Everything will turn out alright, okay? Daddy is a hero, after all”, you reassure your daughter softly while secretly wiping away a falling tear.

When Shoko called you a few minutes ago, your feet begin to carry you on their own, heart hammering against your aching chest. Your loving husband, the man who gifted you with the precious daughter who holds your hand tightly. She didn’t tell you what happened to him, how he feels. But her tone was as urgent as never before, making you storm down the dark streets of Tokyo in pouring rain until you finally arrived at Jujutsu High, opening the well-known doors to the hospital wing with trembling hands.

Please, let him be alright. Maybe injured, but alive. Maybe distressed, but all in all fine.

Please, let your husband be alright.

You wander down the cold hallways, eyes roaming around the area in a desperate attempt to spot your husband somewhere between the countless injured people. Where is he? Where did they put him?

Suddenly, your orbs get stuck on a wave of pink hair.

“Yuji?” you breathe out.

“Mommy, there’s Yuji!”, the excited voice of your little daughter next to you cries out, already on her way to storm towards the pink-haired boy.

You can’t hold back. Out of instinct you follow her tiny feet, embracing the boy in front of you in a tight hug.

“Please tell me you’re alright, tell me you feel well”, you whisper into his ear.

In an instant, tears start to swell up his eyes, soaking through the fabric of your elegant autumn dress. Your heart shatters into a million pieces, hands gently stroking through his hair.

“I’m not. I’m far away from feeling well, (y/n)”, he cries against your neck, letting himself fall completely against your frame.

Oh Yuji. You hate to see him like that, his thick tears falling like the pouring rain outside.

“I’m sorry for letting Nanami-sensei down, I’m sorry for all the things I did, I-“

“Don’t talk any further. I’m sure you did your best, Yuji. And I know Kento is very proud of you. Please, get some rest now, okay? Did Shoko already check on you? Hey, do you want to stay with me tonight?”

“You can sleep in my room!” your daughter suggests in an instant, hugging Yuji’s leg while looking up at him with doe eyes.

“Thank you, I’m okay. You should look after Nanami-sensei. After all you’re here because of him and not because of me, right?”

“I will always look after you, Yuji. But yes, I’d really like to see my husband right now”, you reply tenderly.

“Is my dad alright?”

“He’s in room 018 down the hall. Please…tell him I’m sorry”, Yuji mutters.

“There is nothing to be sorry about, thank you for your help, Yuji. Come on darling, let’s go see daddy.”

You let out your shaky breath, hand holding onto the doorknob. Finally. You will definitely pay Yuji a visit later on. But know, you have to focus on him. Finally, you’re able to see your husband again.

“Kento, I’m here-“

“Don’t look at me. Get out and never come back”, his harsh voice instructs you.

There he sits, back faces towards you will a white cloak covering his upper body. Your mind begins to race, his punitive tone being to unusual. Not even when discussing, your husband ever turned this cold. What has gotten into him?

“Hi daddy!” your daughter greets her father with all excitement.

His heart breaks in an instant. Why? Why on earth do you have to be here? And why did you have to bring your daughter with you? Why do you have to see him like that?

“I am not the man you fell in love with anymore, (y/n).”

The bitterness in his voice makes you squint your eyes while walking towards him.

“What are you talking about, Kento? I might love you even more after you survived this hell”, you reply in an instant.

“Daddy, what happened to your face?”

Like in slow motion he turns around, revealing severe burns on the left side of his body and his eye covered in bandages. Your heart skips a beat. Oh god, what happened to your poor husband?

“Who did this to you, love?”

“It doesn’t matter how or who. But I understand that I’m not the man you married anymore. I am only half of the man I used to be. So if you want to leave me behind, if you want to take care of our daughter alone-“

He is forced to stop mid-sentence by the way his little daughter presses her tiny body onto his lap, hugging him as tightly as never before. And your gaze that makes time stand still. Your gaze that isn’t filled with disgust like he imagined.

No, your look holds nothing but love and gratitude.

“You can’t imagine how happy I am to see that you are well. When Shoko called me I thought we’ll might lose you. Kento, I…I love you with all my heart. The thought of letting you go, the thought of never seeing you again. I’m so glad.”

And then you sprint towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck carefully with your loving gaze never leaving him.

All pain seems to vanish, nothing else but you matter. Your eyes always tell the truth, he knows all too well. And right now, they scream at him in nothing put the pureness of love while a tear runs down your smiling delicate mouth.

“Now you look like a hero, daddy”, his daughter mumbles against his chest, smiling up at him so widely that even Kento Nanami can’t hold back any longer.

“Because he is, sweetheart. Your dad is a hero”, you clarify with shaky voice, pressing a kiss against his right cheek.

“You aren’t disgusted? Even though I look nothing like the man you fell in love with an never will?”, you mutters.

Gently, your hand caresses his uninjured cheek.

“Nothing will ever distress my love for you. No scar in the world will stop me from loving you with all my heart. I’m so glad you came back to me alive. Nothing else matters.”

“I think you look cool, daddy!”

A single tear rolls down his cheek. For the first time in his life, he isn’t able to keep his composure any longer. A tear of joy, a tear of gratitude. Of course, Nanami was always very aware of what a wonderful woman you are and how well you cared for his little daughter as well. But oh, seeing both of you with your arms wrapped around him, gazing at him with nothing but love and tenderness in your orbs…

Your eyes never lied at him.

How does he even deserve this? How does a simple man like Kento Nanami deserve such a loving wife and daughter made of pure gold?

“We need a cool name for you now, daddy.”

“Daddy first needs all his energy to get well again, sweetheart. But yes, you are right. After all, every hero has a special name, right?”, you reply, chuckling over your very own falling tears.

“I’m not a hero, darling”, Nanami contradicts, running his hand through his daughter’s hair softly.

“But to me you are, daddy. And to mommy too.”

“Indeed. And when all of this is over, I’ll take you to Malaysia”, you confirm, cuddling against his chest while resting your eyes.

“Malaysia, huh? Sounds great…”

Tags:  @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix  @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut  @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @gojosrealwife  @coffeeluvr96

[xiaoriae]

GENSHIN MEN AS ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE.

— PAIRINGS ; ayato, childe, itto & xiao x gn!reader (separate)

— CONTENT ; genshin's quests spoilers ahead (i don't really said them as spoilers but just a little heads-up, especially for those who are new to genshinblr) and slight mentions of blood in childe's.

— NOTES ; reposted from my old blog!

nobleman!ayato x commoner!reader

the kamisato head clan was your least favourite person of all time. this unsure, yet negative feeling you had on him all started since an eight years old AYATO did a prank on your younger self.

a long time had passed by, but since then, ayato seemed to find the joy in stirring your commoner life, until the name ayato engraved at the back of your mind with such revenge and hatred.

it went on and on like this, until one day, he heard the shogunate was going to enforce the vision hunt decree all around inazuma. he had no choice but to obey. after all, he needed to maintain his title as one of the heads in tenryou commission, yet all he thought was you, your stupid smile, and your vision.

he knew he had to do something about it.

“come here,” the moment ayato’s voice called you out, you rolled your eyes. you ignored him, spun and tried to blend in with the crowds, knowing too well that he couldn’t get you in public appearances.

but ayato was faster. all he did was pulling you aside, hidden from prying eyes. “do you have your vision?”

you scoffed, maybe too rude for someone as noble as him, but you did not really care when it was ayato who was right in front of you. “why? you are going to confisticate it? under the behalf of the shogun?”

your choosing of words should’ve made him baffled, or amused, but instead, he didn’t have the time for your nonsense and your attitude. “give me your vision,” his voice asserted command and it honestly intimidated you. “you really want it? no, not with your own hands, kamisato.”

ayato’s grip on your wrist tightened. you didn’t get why he was so stubborn with this, or even wanted to do this, but still, the desperation in his eyes was evident. “give it to me, now,” his tone went cold, and his low tone—almost like a growl—came out from him, frustrated and it left you in a confused yet startled state.

“i’ll take care of your vision, it is much safer with me.”

“ayato?” your voice sounded small, and you were left speechless with his actions. did he really go all this length just to protect your vision?

but... why?

he looked down on you, slowly pulling the vision away, and you nodded, and that was all it took for ayato to have your own consent. “take care, little one. i am hoping that you don’t go around making a fuss with the shogunate.”

you didn’t know why you believe him in the first place, but you did.

and now, your vision was in the hand of your worst enemy, yet he saved you from many unfortunate occasions under the decree.

fatui harbinger!childe x adventurer!reader

CHILDE was a cheerful and an easygoing person. one look at him and everyone instantly knew, that this man, was someone who didn’t take things too seriously.

that was, until your name came out.

both you and him, or maybe all of the people around you, knew that you hated childe with all your heart, and vice versa.

picking up occasional fights with him was normal. belittling each other in combats and talking big about who was better were your daily routine, yet him being like this was certainly out of the norm.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you frowned, retracting your body away from his hold. however, childe was stronger, and there was no point of you trying to fight his strength.

“who did this to you?” he boldly looked up and down at your whole dirty, and bloodied clothes, gently touching all cuts and bruises—in contrast with him forcefully made you sat down in front of him prior to whatever this was.

“why do you even care?” you pulled away for the tenth times from his touch. a foreign feeling bubbling inside your chest, and childe’s gaze was filled with rage, and you were stunned with his face.

“because you are someone i care about.”

you mentally cursed at your damned heart for skipping a beat at that, but childe seemed oblivious with his previous words. all you saw was the ginger in front of you slightly shook and his eyes burned when he saw your injuries.

he truthfully worried, what ifs questions were running around inside his mind, and all he could think of was his subordinates, the fatui.

he knew that they didn’t like him, and he knew that they purposefully injured you, you had been there once, and it was because of him.

sure, you didn’t look like you were hurting, or weak—you were strong, he knew that—but he couldn’t contain himself when he saw how awful you came back from outside of the city.

demon!itto x human!reader

ITTO was a cocky being.—

that was among infinite traits you didn’t like about him.

that sly smirk you had been aching to wipe off of his face. how he practically flaunting his muscles everywhere with no shame. yes, you slightly cringed at the sights but that couldn’t compare with how full he was of himself.

and by gods, he didn’t even give you a time alone. whenever you went, he would be following you behind with his narcissistic side, saying that he would protect you or something along the line of, “don’t worry, this is the one and oni, arataki itto, will protect you.”

no matter how many times you ignored him, that much would be a payback of how clingy he was towards you afterwards.

such a childish act for a huge guy.

“y/n!“ if you could do it sooner, you would’ve shut his loud mouth with a tape, because oh my god, he was loud as hell, and you were getting tired of keeping up with his random bursts of energy.

they said that you shouldn’t be around an oni for too long, but itto seemed harmless. too human although he was a half-demon that was supposedly be feared.

“what is it?” a heavy sigh passed your lips. you just wanted to go out for a morning walk, nothing more and nothing less, and what a wonderful way for you to start your day, you thought.

“just want to greet my favourite person,” he gave you a hug, tone too happy for someone who had just been whining about how he lost in a duel. his face slightly rubbed beside yours and you swiftly ducked your head, ultimately freeing your body from the figure who was too close in your opinion.

“aww,” he slightly whined. you didn’t understand his mood, so you were frankly, straight to the point. “what do you want, itto? you usually want to cut my head off, but today you’re acting like a baby.”

“hey! if you’re shorter than me, you are definitely a child. no room for argument,” he huffed. yep, definitely too whiny for a guy who could’ve break you with a single punch.

“although i badly want to duel with you, since, you know, i uh.. lost yesterday, but isn’t today’s your birthday?”

“and?”

“come on, now. you’re no fun,” he pulled his arms into his chest. “that is why i would like to make your dull life much more brighter,” he faked a cough. “happy birthday—

"yeah, cut it off, arataki itto.”

adeptus!xiao x human!reader

how did someone could be hating on social interactions so much?

that was the first question you only had, and it was for a specific adeptus.

XIAO was too lonely, and when he always shrugged you off, you decided that you didn’t like that side of his.

what was the point in protecting liyue but having a solitude life? did he really feel that bothered by having someone talking with him?

your numerous questions were answered when verr told you his backstory, and maybe you were being dramatic, but his reason was so heartbreaking for you to hear.

“don’t,” xiao’s hard tone warned, because you stared at him too much until he couldn’t bear to see your eyes. he knew that you figured out one thing or two about him, and he didn’t like the fact that there was guilt everywhere inside you. “i do not need your mortal pity.”

you almost cried when you remembered his karmic debt, because all this time, you treated him so bad, and now you were weighing with continuous guilt, guilt and guilt.

“xiao,” you finally, finally voiced out after long session of looking at the adeptus. his green spear in his hand, that mask beside his waist. “i’m sorry.”

“don’t, it’s useless,” xiao wondered how you suddenly became like this. usually, you would bicker with him, saying that he needed communications and daily conversations in his life but today, of all day, where he felt so heavy with karma, you decided to soften your heart and looking at him with such sympathy.

he truly hated that look you had been giving to him for hours now.

he knew you knew, your eyes told him everything.

you felt like comforting him, but you didn’t know how. it was weird when all you did was fighting with him, babbling about all the things surrounded him and then suddenly, you wanted to put him at ease.

so you decided to let the day passed by, silently enjoying the sky view from the rooftop of wangshu inn. no words were told to him, and he, for the first time, appreciated your treatment.

all rights reserved © berrywoo 2023 strictly on tumblr only. any form of wrongdoings under the copyright law is strictly prohibited.

[heavyhitterheaux]

“Maybe next time, check your surroundings”

You and Jack were currently trying not to look at one another because you knew that it would end up with the both of you laughing when Neelam was trying to be serious about the situation that occurred a few days ago.

However, that was short lived when you two made eye contact making Neelam’s face harden.

“This is NOT funny, you two.”

“Says who?” Jack asked her as he was trying to wipe away tears from his eyes. Seeing this sent you into a fit of giggles all over again.

“I swear the two of you wake up and ask yourselves what can we do to make Neelam’s job harder today and the two of you succeed every single time, I swear.” She responded as she rubbed her temples.

“Nee, come on. It’s not that big of a deal.” You told her as you laid across Jack’s lap and she instantly rolled her eyes.

“Not a big deal? A picture of your boobs are literally on the internet from your late night backseat shenanigans.”

“So are Rihanna’s.” Jack added and you quickly nodded.

“Oh, don’t even give me that. At least she was at an EVENT. The two of you were fucking in the backseat of Jack’s car.”

“Hmm, speculation! They don’t know that!” Jack yelled and you started laughing all over again.

“Do the two of you take anything seriously?”

“Define serious for us one time. And I thought it was a pretty good shot of my boobs anyway. Besides, we know you can make this whole thing go away.”

“Not the point Y/N!”

“Hey, at least I’m with my husband and not some random guy! Now that would send people over the edge. Besides, what's a little side boob action?”

“Y/N! THEY COULD SEE THE WHOLE BOOB! BOTH OF THEM! THE PICTURE IS SO CLEAR THAT THEY CAN SEE YOUR PIERCINGS IN THE PICTURE!”

“Oh, I hope they got a good angle of me, but it’s clear that they definitely did.”

“Hey, Nee, at least we didn’t break any beds this time.” Jack told her as he pulled you onto his lap and hugged you from behind.

“I will never forgive the two of you for waking me up in the middle of the night for that complete utter nonsense. Now I see why Urban says all of the time that the two of you make him sick.”

“I just love my wife, look how pretty she is. Stop hating.”

“We all know she’s pretty and no one is hating. You two are going to have 20 kids if you don’t get a damn grip.”

“He happens to always have a good grip on my thighs when he needs to.” You commented and Jack couldn’t help but to smirk.

“ENOUGH Y/N! ENOUGH!”

“Okay, are we done here? I need to go and get my wife pregnant.” 

Neelam sighed and knew deep down that the two of you would probably do it again and knew that there was no stopping you.

“Maybe next time, check your surroundings.”

“Sure, so they can get a show.”

“Y/N THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

[sgiandubh]

From barf bag to pity party

The whole 'Kick in the hornets' nest' involuntary series was started by this Anon, received by the de facto leader of the Disgruntled Tumblrettes yesterday evening (in Europe):

The next morning, another Anon chimed in, on the same page, with what prompted the First Kick: S has a child with 'a woman', but God forbid, not with C 🤣🤣🤣.

And then, one of their group felt the need (then the clearly irritated urge) to come back and comment on the above Anon. No less than 5 (five!) long and plethoric comments were written, prompting my Second and Third Kicks - as you all know, the woman practically begged for them.

I feel it's time to show some mercy and draw the line here.

This blog is read (and trusted) by many. Comments were received. Very interesting, matter-of-fact submissions, to say the least. You know: FACTS (🤣🤣🤣). People who have rich and full and loving lives, people who travel. People who don't even agree on many things, yet spontaneously concurred on what things very probably looked like, on that Palm Sunday morning.

Exhibit 1: Mom and Traveler #1 (a mom I am not - but I was a child, unbelievable as it might sound, and I absolutely confirm every single bit of it)

I am not yet ridden with dementia, and I remember very well waking everyone up at ungodly hours and refusing my mandatory afternoon siesta (a very bad habit we have in Southern Europe). I wish I would still have that same insane energy now. I also wish I would have kept my 3 year old fashion model food quirks - but that is another story.

However, I am a dog slave (not owner) and as such, I am taking Baby out for his short (but excruciating) morning routine at 7:30 AM. Come rain or shine. Beg him to finish his business with grace and dignity. He never listens. Labs are a charming, addictive handful and my Greek boy is no exception:

Exhibit 2: Mom and Traveler #2. Who happened to be in GLA on Palm Sunday, March 24, 2024 (for the thick people at the back!):

All that trip was abundantly documented on her own page. I am reasonably sure she might be reblogging this with her own pics from that day.

And now, for the real questions at stake:

Why make such an unbelievable fuss over an Anon with no pic, that I was reluctant to publish myself?

Why have a cosmic meltdown, in public nonetheless, if you do think this is such a pile of unbelievable nonsense crap? (*imagine the freakout in DMs, if this made the headlines!)

How many times has/have S (or C, or SC) been seen by Antis in GLA in similar postures, without a word being uttered in public?

Why would such an occurrence be An Event, outside of this (help me, I have no words) fandom?

Why insist with your crappy arguments, when it is plain to see you have got all your facts dreadfully wrong?

Why mention 'central Glasgow', when it is public lore (and included in Waypoints!) that S does not live there anymore? (* I blacked out the exact reference, which makes total sense - the least thing I would like to see happening is freaks like you stalking them)

One last time, you insist - comments 6 and 7 (wow, girl!):

First comment is a lie and if you read my Anon (and you know you all did and discussed it to oblivion) you'll have also read this:

Which part of 'he didn't approach' you don't get, in plain English, madam? I am lousy at drawing, but hey - for the cause (open in separate page, questionable humor included):

Second comment, I won't even get into it. God only knows what the hell you meant. I am Romanian and we tend to be a very sarcastic bunch - especially the Southerners.

You posted those at about 2:45 AM, local time (if you are, indeed, a Scot). That's 4:45 AM my time.

I am a lifelong sufferer of insomnia. You, madam, you are mad wae it, as they say in Glasgow.

Don't drink and post, seriously. It makes for a very #sorry hangover show.

And with this, I am done with you. All of you, in that corner. You showed me more than enough. You know there is substance to that Anon, despite the lack of a picture - hence the collective freakout.

From barf bag to pity party. Who knew?

[Later edit:] re-reading the sixth comment, I think she wants to imply it was the 'other child' - I was literally blind with sleep when I first saw it. Well, there is no evidence of whatever she is trying to explain (has she contacted The Climber? between midnight and 2 AM, local time?). Also, a 5 year old child is not a toddler anymore: kids are considered toddlers up to 3, only. That boy, as we all know (and I am sorry we do), has dark hair - where is the resemblance Anon noticed?

Desperate, grasping at straws, lying through her teeth and mad wae it, all the way.

@pamalissou, thanks for bringing us a third mom's POV in your reblog.

[tired-teacher-blog]

Is it too late for us?

Characters : Aizawa/ Fem reader

Warnings and Genre : NSFW/ 18+/ Sexual intercourse/ Angst/ Ex boyfriend!Aizawa/ One Shot

Summary : You've never expected to run into your ex after an ugly breakup and months of being apart, but there you were, back in his bed and reliving every painful emotion you struggled to bury within you.

Notes : Banner and divider by @/saradika

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

You couldn't wrap your head around it at first, not even when you locked eyes with him for the first time in months, not even when he followed you to the restroom where you fled in hopes of collecting yourself.

You couldn't fathom the unusual aggressiveness he showed you while dragging you behind him through the restaurant's back door, ignoring all the questioning looks you two received from the clueless workers you passed on your way out.

You were in a haze, your mind a blur, not yet comprehending that you two had just ditched your dates and drove off to his apartment.

Only when your back hit the mattress, did you finally understand that you were in the presence of a beast who took over this man's whole being.

_ "Slow down a bit, please." your whiney protests were muffled by his hungry kisses, he was like a mad man, possessed and blind to everything that wasn't you.

Your new dress— picked out specifically to impress your date, was torn apart in the blink of an eye.

_ "You did all of this to sway that loser? Come on, you can do much better than him." he rasped bitterly, discarding the shredded garment to the floor and biting hard on the soft skin of your breasts.

_ "Don't patronize me you jerk! What I do is none of your business anymore." tears threatened to spill from your eyes, his words hurt you more than you expected them to do.

How dare he lecture you after heartlessly ending your relationship and walking away like it was nothing?

_ "Right, none of my business.." he repeated monotonically, emerging from his position to stare daggers into your soul.

His lips twitched, as if he wasn't done speaking, but you didn't want to hear it, nothing he had to say would make up for the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep wondering what went wrong.

You pulled him down forcefully, smashing your lips together in a bruising kiss, all tongues and teeth and desperate grunts, nothing sweet or romantic about it. Perfect..

It was exactly what you needed at that moment, to quench an insufferable thirst without looking back or raising your hopes up.

It meant nothing, it couldn't possibly mean anything..

Your fingers tugged at his dress shirt, fumbling with the damned buttons that refused to cooperate, "fuck, take it off, hurry." you demanded between sloppy kisses and he hummed against you before complying, his lips never leaving yours as he ripped it open.

Your hands roamed his lean chest eagerly, digging your nails into his flesh to leave bloody scratches behind.

His growls turned louder as his lips left your abused ones, "who is he?"

What?..

_ "How did you two meet?"

Seriously?..

_ "I can't let you go back to him."

A joke, it was a joke right? He was the one who left you behind without offering any kind of explanation, he was the one who pushed you into another man's arms, and he was the one who started dating around as soon as he threw you away, so why would he bother asking after all that happened?

You owed him nothing.

_ "Stop talking." you didn't want to deal with his nonsense, not anymore.

His clenched jaw peeked through the dark stubble on his cheeks, he clearly had more things to say, but the look you gave him spoke louder than any words he could utter.

His coarse hands traveled the expanse of your delicate skin, arousing goosebumps in their path and moving further down until they reached the soft fabric of your panties.

Your eyes rolled back in anticipation, and your spine arched off the bed when he roughly tore out the flimsy garment separating you, wasting no time to fondle your slick covered clit before pushing two fingers into your warmth at once.

He was harsh, uncaring, unbothered by the inevitable sting of the first intrusion as he pumped his digits fast and deep within you.

He was never like that, if only he would be gentler..

No, it was perfect that way, you didn't need the perplexity, the reminder of a past which could never return.

You grabbed onto the bedsheets underneath and tilted your head to the side as you refused to meet his piercing gaze any longer, your eyes burnt and the tears you struggled to keep at bay came rolling down your cheeks.

_ "Don't look away." his breath fanned over your neck as he demanded huskily but you chose to ignore him, sinking your teeth into your lower lip and bracing yourself for what was coming as you heard him unzip his pants.

Your legs trembled involuntary when he retrieved his long, slick-coated fingers and positioned himself at your entrance.

Usually he would ask if you were ready for him, if you were feeling well, if you wanted him to carry on or to give you more time, but that was in the past, you were no more than strangers now..

_ "Wait, too deep.." broken whines erupted as he eased himself into your core, stretching you around his thickness and sheathing it within your heat.

_ "I can't let you go back to him," he withdrew his hips slowly before plunging against you once more, "I should've never let you go," his tongue darted out to lick a wet stripe over the protruding vein on the side of your neck, "I will make you forget about him," his lips brushed against your quivering jaw, trailing soft kisses along your skin before sucking a perfect red mark where everyone can see.

You wanted to fire back, to curse at him, to ask him to shut up. What gave him the right to decide for you after everything he's done? Wasn't he out with yet another girl? Oh the hypocrisy..

_ "You.." was all you could articulate, whimpering the rest unintelligibly as his thrusts suddenly quickened.

His bruising clutches squeezed your waist tighter, and his eager mouth abused every inch of you he could reach, "mine, you'll always be mine.."

You clawed at his shoulders as warmth started polling in the pit of your stomach, you weren't going to last much longer and neither was he.

_ "keep going.. Shouta.." your voice betrayed you as it finally spoke his name, and it was like feeding a starved dog as his hips started slamming mercilessly against your own.

_ "Again, say my name again." it was more of a plea than an instruction. He sounded desperate, cradling your tear-streaked cheek and tilting your head to face him, he was on the verge of tears himself and you fought the urge to comfort him.

_ "I'm sorry I ruined everything between us," his soft locks fell around his face to tickle your skin as he spoke, and you no longer had the strength to hold back.

You pulled him down for a kiss— unlike the ones you shared earlier, a kiss that reminded you of the happy moments you once had.

Longing moans invaded his mouth as they left your throat, and shaky hands grabbed onto his raven strands as his throbbing cock grazed your insides heavenly.

His hips moved erratically announcing his approaching release, and your lips molded sloppily with his own as your sopping walls squeezed him hard.

_ "Shouta! I'm.." you threw your head back as your body tensed up beneath him, digging your nails into his back while shockwaves of pleasure shook you to the core.

_ "Fuck.." his eyes were on you as he kept moving, guiding you throughout your orgasm until you relaxed at last, and pulling out of your sensitive cunt before ropes of pearly seeds erupted from his raging tip to coat your tummy and mix with the sheen of sweat adorning your skin.

_ "I love you." and it was the first time you hear him say it.

Never in the course of your perished relationship had he ever spoken those words to you, funny how life works, a few months ago you would have given an arm for him to say them, but now that he did, those same words were stabbing mercilessly at your heart.

_ "No! Don't!" you pushed him weakly as you sobbed, wishing to escape his presence, "you can't do this to me!"

He showed no resistance as he moved out of your way, though his trickling tears were too heavy to conceal, still, you chose to ignore them as you wobblily left his bed, picking up the shreds of your soul as well as your dress's, "this was a mistake Shouta, let's not meet again."

You wondered how to get home in your messed up state, but nothing seemed worse than this, and so, you walked out on him, repressing the urge to look back because you knew all too well that doing so, would weaken your resolve.

There he was, alone again, reaping the unbearable pain of his own mistake.

If only he was honest with himself from the beginning, if only he was brave enough to accept his feelings for you instead of running away, if only he could turn back time, if only he hadn't missed his chance..

Was it too late? Was it really over?

[clownprincehoeshi]

Parallel Hearts - Chapter 10

Synopsis: Never in your wildest dreams you imagined that you’ll meet your ult bias. Maybe you finally have your shot at love and happiness. Or not.

Pairing: fem reader x idol Jungkook fem reader x idol Mingyu fem reader x idol Hoshi

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst

Warnings: Kissing-Nudity-Sex 18+-Harrassment-Stalking-Death mentions-Cheating

Word count: 10.453

Previous chapter

Masterlist

Rebloging is important and much apreciated. Leave your comments, oppinions, ideas, whatever you like. My inbox in open. Kpop writers, let’s be moots?

Things were awkward at dinner that night. You wanted to just stay in your room and sleep, but Hana didn’t let you be so petty.

Even though you knew you had feelings for Soonyoung, you were not sure how deep they went and you didn’t really know what to do about them, because you promised yourself to never fall in love again or get involved again.

You also didn’t know that he felt pretty much the same, maybe a little more confused and in denial about his feelings.

He knew he had feelings for you and that he found you ridiculously sexy.

Right after dinner, the guys decided to watch a movie. Jun dragged you to the couch and made you sit next to him for cuddles.

He felt you were not in a good mood so he wanted to keep you close and safe. You thought you will tell him tomorrow about the conversation you had with Hoshi.

The couch was in an U shape and everyone was sitting and laying on it. You could feel the whole movie Soonyoung’s eyes on you.

The back of your head was burning, you felt really conflicted and flustered.

Jun: Are you ok?

Y/N: Not really, but I don’t want to talk about it today.

Jun: Ok, whenever you’re ready.

Y/N: Thanks, Juni!

And you ended that with a kiss on his head.

You couldn’t miss the way Hoshi was watching you that moment. He looked almost… jealous? You were sure you were wrong.

As soon as the movie ended, you said goodnight and ran to your room, not waiting to hear a response from anyone.

After some minutes, Hana came into the room.

Hana: Ok, let’s talk.

Y/N: Not today. Pleeeaase!

Hana: Like…Soonyoung looked like a sad puppy all night. What are you planning on doing about this situation?

Y/N: I don’t know, I’d rather not do anything and it will go away with time.

Hana: Stupid, but whatever.

Y/N: Why, what would you do?

Hana: First, I would stop being a coward who’s running away from love.

You scoff and move to the window to watch the moon.

Y/N: Pffff love? Let’s say that’s what I’m feeling. How do I know it’s what he’s feeling? We know he doesn’t want to get into something serious anytime soon. He said it himself, he said he’s not ready for that. What f it’s just fun for him? What if I give him a chance and after he gets what he needs and he gets bored, I end up broken again? Then what, start from the beginning again and again?

Hana: Nobody knows what could happen. And I really doubt that he is that type of guy to just look for an easy fuck. Like come on, he’s so harmless. Even when he gets angry and yells at his members it makes you laugh you ass off.

Y/N: Exactly! I can’t even take his anger seriously. Don’t you think that’s an issue? How could I take his words, his confession seriously?

Hana: Girl, you’re talking nonsense right now. I thought you were smarter than that. Is it the Sun? Did it fry your neurons? I think that you laughing when he gets angry is the cutest thing ever, I wish I had that with a guy.

Y/N: You know what? This conversation will end up frying my brain, let’s just talk about it another day. I just want to sleep and start work again in two days. There is so much to do for the next concerts, we should focus on that.

In the morning, you made sure to wake up really early and be in the parking lot first, so you could get a seat in the car in the front and next to someone else, not Hoshi.

You decided you will try to stay away from him for a while.

It was not easy thought, because you worked together. You had to see him every day. You took the plane together, had all the meetings together, all the rehearsals, and almost all dinners after the show.

You would catch him looking at you with sad eyes and pouty lips. You thought he hasn’t changed at all from his baby pictures. The same pouty cute face.

You were sure you never met anyone cuter and more adorable than him and it was driving you crazy.

You were sure he was doing things on purpose just to get a reaction from you. He would bump into you “by accident” while in a crowded space when there were rehearsals or shows going on.

He would just look you right in the eyes and say sorry, then run away like he got shy.

You were having a couple concerts in France and you were in Paris for the week. The company decided that it was good for publicity to have the boys attend some shows for the fashion week.

Somehow, you ended up going too at the YSL show where Jeonghan was a brad ambassador. You had to go shopping for this and pick some fancy clothes and accessories.

At the event, you chose to wait a little outside to see the boys arriving. It felt thrilling. The crowd was huge and so noisy, everyone brought albums and photocards, hoping they’ll get signed.

You remember when you were like them few years back, dreaming of seeing your idols. Now you are working for them and it gave you some encouragement that your life is good and you’ll be fine.

Maybe dating an idol was never a good idea for you. While you were deep in your thoughts, you felt someone pat your shoulder. You turn to see an unfamiliar face. A guy who seemed to be a paparazzi.

Paparazzi: Excuse me, do we know each other? I feel like I know you.

Y/N: Uhhh, no, I don’t think so. You don’t look familiar.

Paparazzi: Wait, were you in Italy like 2 years ago?

Y/N: I was, yeah. Why?

Paparazzi: Damn, I still have a good memory.

Hana: So how do you know her?

Paparazzi: It’s a crazy story, but I was paid to follow you on your vacation and take pictures.

Y/N: Ohh? People would do anything for money, uh?

Paparazzi: Hey, was just doing my job and the money were really good. But I remember that just a few of the pictures were published, I never found out what happened with the rest.

Y/N: Do you happen to still have the rest of the photos?

Paparazzi: No, the guys who paid me made sure I deleted everything after. But I could just tell you what they were about.

Y/N: Yes!!

Paparazzi: Well, it showed you and your boyfriend holding hands, kissing, stuff like that. What was the deal, was like one of you cheating on your spuse? Why would someone want normal photos like those?

Y/N: Oh, no, nothing like that. Just a stalker ex, but it was all solved in the end and he stopped with his harassing.

Paparazzi: Glad to hear that. Well I need to go and photograph some celebrities now. Take care!

Y/N: You too!

Hana: That was weird. What a strange coincidence.

Y/N: Indeed. Weird.

You could barely see the boys behind the crowd of screaming fans, so you decided it was better to go inside the venue and find your seats.

It was an old theatre where all guests were sitting all around the huge place. the models would walk between the seatings. The lighting show was really something, and the music went to perfect with it.

You were like a little kid, fascinated by this new world you were discovering. It also made you feel somewhat happy that Soonyoung was there too.

He was doing everything in his power not to look at you too often, because he was afraid it would be obvious and raise suspicions.

But Jeonghan really wanted your team to be there and just have a fun evening doing something different.

When the show was over, everyone came around the boys to take photos and interviews. There were other idols invited there, Jackson, Bam Bam, Eunwoo, Karina, Sana.

Your eyes immediately went to Hoshi when he started interacting with Karina. You remember they filmed for a show together, but you couldn’t help the jealousy that was creeping up.

Afterall, you could not compare to her. She was so pretty, charming and she’s in the same industry as him. You’re sure she would be a better match for him than you.

Yeah, of course you dated idols and you weren’t ugly, but look at her. She’s famous and rich, you’re not.

Y/N: Hana,let’s go, ok?

Hana: But we decided we’ll have dinner all of us together after this and discuss some more about the show in 3 days.

Y/N: Ugh, fuck! You’re right, it’s important to decide tonight what are we going to do about the videos we’ll chose for the big wall.

Hana: Let’s have a drink then we’ll head with our team to the restaurant, ok?

After one drink you felt a little tipsy. You thought you barely had any alcohol in your cocktail, but guess not.

The guys were still mingling with organisers, press people, celebrities and even models.

Hana: Stop being so obvious! Those girls won’t eat him.

Y/N: What if they do? He looks like a tiny delicious cute cake. They have eyes.

Hana: God, you’re an idiot in love.

As you two were whispering net to your colleagues, some guys that were much older than you came over to talk to you.

“Hello there, can we offer you girls a drink? We’re William and David, nice to meet you!”

Hana: Hello, thank you for your offer, but we are on our way out soon.

William: Oh, no way! Why leave so early?

Y/N: We have dinner reservations and need to meet our friends.

Davis: We won’t hear that. Tell you what, we have a better idea. How about you join us on our yacht and continue the party there?

These guys were becoming annoying and you just hate people who won’t take your first answer and will keep insisting.

You look around, trying to not get angry, because you know if they won’t shut up soon you’ll make them eat their words.

While you’re trying to distract yourself and letting your friends manage the situation, you catch Mingyu staring your direction.

He shakes his head, trying to figure out if you’re ok. He could see your annoyed face and they old guys who looked a little drunk all over your group.

Then you see him walk in your direction and you gulp. What is he doing? There is press here.

He puts his arms around the two men’s shoulders, towering over them.

Mingyu: Hello! How are you, my friends?

William: Oh, excuse me, we were having a conversation here. Who are you?

Mingyu: You don’t remember me? Come on, drink with me!

And he drags them to the bar with his strong arms, the men not realising what’s going on. He saved you. Once again. A little giggle went trough you, as you were watching him trying his best to make the men feel uncomfortable, giving them some of their own medicine.

You took advantage and left to the restaurant and after half an hour, the rest of the people arrived also. You wanted to thank Mingyu in person so you gave him a sign with your hand to follow you, after you all ordered your food.

You found a place outside where you sat on a bench.

Mingyu: Are you ok?

Y/N: Yes, just wanted to thank you for that.

Mingyu: Oh, don’t mention it. I will always help a friend in need.

Y/N: We’re friends?

Mingyu: I hope we are. You don’t want to?

Y/N: Umm…I don’t want to be enemies and we work together. So we kind of need to be friends.

Mingyu: I guess I’m not forgiven yet.

Y/N: Sorry, was not trying to sound rude. I forgave you, but it feels weird.

Mingyu: Yeah, true. But how are you after…everything that happened?

Y/N: Good, I think. It’s been some months since we broke up. It’s been tough at first, but now I can say that I’m over it and happy. What about you?

Mingyu: Um, yeah. I am fine. It left me disappointed in myself that I wasn’t more careful about the people around me. I can be pretty naïve and stupid. Anyway, it’s in the past and it’s done.

Y/N: You think we can be friend just like we used to be before?

Mingyu: You bet! I’m ready to start over.

Y/N: I think I’m ready too. I miss you. Our friendship

He takes your hand is his, while looking ahead at some trees. A moment of silence follows. This was a decisive moment that helped you realise your feelings for him were not there anymore. He felt just as a friend and you were glad.

Mingyu: Let’s get back inside, don’t want your boyfriend get the wrong idea.

Y/N: My what?

He just have you a wink and ran away giggling.

Y/N: Yaa, Kim Mingyu!

Seungcheol: What are you two up to? Come on, food is here!

Mingyu: Yes, dad!

Soonyoung avoided your eyes for the rest of the night. He felt sad and angry. He couldn’t believe Mingyu would try to get back with you after he said he is over you and there can’t be anything between you anymore. After he told Mingyu he liked you and asked for advice.

But Mingyu played with him before, he could do it again, right? He decided to have a work with him after dinner.

22:38

Kwon Hoshi: Mingyu ya, let’s take the same car to the hotel, I need to talk to you alone

22:41

Mingoo: Why are you texting me, I’m right in front of you

22:41

Kwon Hoshi: None of your business, I do what I want

As soon as they were in the car alone, Hoshi started talking without breathing.

Hoshi: What the hell are you trying to do now, get back with her? Are you trying to play games with me again, selling me lies? What the fuck, Mingyu, what’s wrong with you? You said it’s over over and you know how I feel about her.

Mingyu: Hold on, tiger! You’re jumping to conclusion again. See if you’re not paying attention to the people around you? Things happen and things are said and they go over your head.

Hoshi: Just answer my questions

Mingyu: Everything I told you is true, it’s over between me and her and she and I made that very clear tonight. We shook hands and decided to leave the past behind and be friends like we used to be. And how could you think I would try to hurt you?

Hoshi: What was I supposed to think? You two were in love, she won’t give me a chance and you were gone like 20 minutes tonight, alone.

Mingyu: Awww, little tiger is jealous. Don’t be, you’re safe with me. But can’t say the same about other men, strangers. She’s a beautiful and smart woman, men will try to win her over. Didn’t you see the two guys who were trying to offer her drinks at the event?

Hoshi: No, what guys?

Mingyu: Don’t worry about them, they had no chance. Now tell me what’s your plan on breaking her walls down. Because I just know she’s very strongheaded and she is closed off now.

As Soonyoung got into bed, he was a little buzzed from the alcohol and from Mingyu hyping him up so he needed to hear from you. He just misses you. Even your little bickering.

00:13

Soonyoung: Y/N!!

00:14

Y/N: Soonyoung!

Soonyoung: What are you doing?

Y/N: Texting you

Soonyoung: Besides that

Y/N: Lying in bed, trying to sleep

Soonyoung: Who were those guys?

Y/N: What guys?

Soonyoung: The guys from the fashion event who were hitting on you

Y/N”: Oh, grandpa and grandfather. I have no idea, they just invited us on their yacht

Soonyoung: Do you want to go?

Y/N: On their yacht?

Soonyoung: Yeah. Did you like them?

Y/N: Ridiculous to think that, they were my dad’s age, maybe older.

Soonyoung: I wouldn’t know what your’re into, you’ve rejected me, so you might not be into guys your age

Y/N: I’ve had boyfriends my age and you know some of them

Soonyoung: Don’t remind meee, you are so mean

Y/N: Don’t tell me you’re jealous

Soonyoung: You got a problem with that? I can feel whatever I want

Y/N: You shouldn’t feel jealous, I’m not your girlfriend

Soonyoung: Because you don’t want to

Y/N: You never even asked me to be

Soonyoung: Then be my girlfriend

Y/N: NO

Soonyoung: See? Mean

Y/N: Shut up

Soonyoung: You shut up

Y/N: YOU  shut up, hamster

Soonyoung: Take that back!!!!!!

Y/N: Nah

Soonyoung: Why are you so annoying?

Y/N: And you like me anyway

Soonyoung: You shouldn’t make fun of my feelings…

Y/N: I’m sorry, didn’t mean to do that

Y/N: Soonyoung?

Y/N: ☹

Soonyoung felt hurt by your words. You knew he is a sensitive and impulsive guy, but you were close enough to joke like that. He decided to stop replying, worried that he might say to much or maybe become mean himself.

As he was trying to get comfortable in his bed, he heard a faint knock on his door. Thinking that he probably was not hearing well, he closed his eyes again. Then he hears knocking for a second time.

Getting out of bed, he walks to the door and checks the little visor. There you were, in your pj’s, waiting for him to open.

Soonyoung: I don’t want to talk to you, go away

You look at him and you don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you push him, step into his room and close the door behind you.

He gets quiet and just looks at you with pink cheeks and pouty mouth. That ridiculously pretty pouty mouth you can’t take your eyes of. His brows frown and he swallows hard.

You take one step. Two steps. He doesn’t realise how he’s stepping back slowly. He thinks you look beautiful like this. Furious and angry at him, but still beautiful. His heart beats so fast and he thinks you can hear it.

His legs reach his bed and he stops. You stop also, right before him. Your bodies are so close that you can feel the heat coming from him.

Y/N: Why are you ghosting me now?

Soonyoung: I don’t talk to bullies. I could be a jerk to you too, you deserve it. And I still don’t do it

Y/N: So do it! Be a jerk to me!

Soonyoung: Why would you want that?

Y/N: Like you said, I deserve it.

With that, you turned around and left his room. You left him confused and annoyed. Why did you want him to be a jerk to you? At some point he even thought you were going to kiss him.

All the way walking back to your room, your heart was beating like crazy. You don’t know when you even left your room and how you found the courage to knock on his door.

As you reach your bed, you sink into it face down and growl into the sheet.

Hana: Now what’s wrong?

Y/N: I think I am going mad.

Hana: What you mean?

Y/N: I have no idea how I ended up in Hoshi’s room 5 minutes ago.

Hana: It’s ok, it’s normal in old age.

Y/N: Fuck off! (you say, throwing a pillow at her). Just make sure to sit next to me in the car tomorrow morning, please. I can’t be around him right now.

Next morning, the whole road back to Barcelona, you kept your headphones on, music blasting in your ears. You needed a good distraction, but even that ended up not being enough to take your mind of Soonyoung.

You felt almost stupid for this, for not being able to control yourself. Yeah, you told him no, you denied him, but you keep on going back to him, replying to his silly texts, being silly with him.

You could just block him, but you practically work for him. Maybe talk to him seriously and tell him to give you space. Maybe ask Jun to talk to him? Ugh, you feel a headache coming.

Why does love have to be this difficult? Why can’t you just shut feelings before they evolve into something more? Why can’t you choose who to fall in love with? You’d chose a tree and you’d live happy and in peace forever. No drama, no disappointment, no pain.

The next few weeks of tour were to say the least, hard. But it pushed you to be even better at your work. The whole staff you interacted with had only praises for you and your team.

You tried to avoid spending time outside work hours around Hoshi. He did text you a few times to check on you and you only replied with short answers, not asking him anything back. You hoped he will read the room and give you time.

You were in Milano right now, few days of preparations and events before the first concert. You get a call from Mingyu.

Mingyu: My dear friend, ex girlfriend, Y/N, I have some invitations for you and your friends for the afterparty for the Dior show tomorrow evening.

Y/N: Oh, now I find out I was your girlfriend? What an honour, mister sir.

Mingyu: Why of course, miss lady. So what do you say? Wanna get drunk tomorrow?

Y/N: Of course, why not.

Mingyu: But..

Y/N: What?

Mingyu: Jungkook will be there with Eunwoo.

Y/N: Oh, fucking hell!

Mingyu: Your team will be close to us, you’ll be right with the staff, don’t worry. And I am sure he won’t be dumb enough to try something so publicly.

Y/N: You’re probably right. You know what’s funny?

Mingyu: What?

Y/N: I’ll be in the same room with two of my exes. Weird, isn’t it?

Mingyu: Nah, you’ll be fine, trust me on this.

Y/N: You would know, you big slut.

Mingyu: Can’t deny that hehe. So I’ll leave you go to sleep, it’s late. Make sure you look extra sexy tomorrow.

Y/N: Yeah yeah, goodnight you silly skyscraper!

You called Hana to give her the news. You knew she was having dinner with some of the members and staff. But a man answered her phone.

Y/N: Who’s this? I need to talk to Hana.

Soonyoung: I have her phone, so you can’t talk to her.

Y/N: Are you drunk?

Soonyoung: Yeah, and?

Y/N: You’ll cry out about your face being puffy tomorrow at the Dior show.

Soonyoung: Shut up, you’re not my girlfriend or my mom!

Y/N: Don’t tell me to shut up and give the phone to Hana, drunk hamster!

Soonyoung: I’ll get you for this, mark my words. You’ll be sorry for calling me hamster.

Hana: Soonyoung, give me that! Wife?

Y/N: Ugh, finally! Why was your phone with him?

Hana: I have no idea, I guess it was just on the table and he thought it was a good idea. Did you call or he called you?

Y/N: I called, to let you know that we’re going to the Dior afterparty tomorrow evening, with the team.

Hana: Wow, can’t believe I will be surrounded with celebrities again. I think I love this job.

You hear Hoshi’s voice in the background.

Soonyoung: Hana, is she upset with me?

Hana: Yeah.

Soonyoung: Nooo, that’s so saaad!

Hana: Sorry, wife, but a crying Hoshi needs a hug. (and she hangs up the call)

You missed drunk needy Soonyoung. You wanted to be there to hug him and wipe his tears off his cheeks, then kiss his eyes and give him some cake.

Now, whenever you eat cake, you think about him and how he would also enjoy having a piece of it.

Many times when you met Jun and you knew Hoshi will be there too, you brough cake for him, made by you. He never believed you when you said you made it, he always thought you bought it from a store.

You just wanted to watch his face light up every time you’d take the cake out of the box. He looked adorable stuffing his mouth with it and trying to say how good it is.

Anyway, you needed your beauty sleep, because tomorrow you needed to look your best.

In the morning you woke up alone, no Hana in sight. Ugh, is my wife slutting around?

You check your phone and only see the group chats filled with unread messages. Everyone seems to have gotten drunk last night. You feel a little sad you were not there with them, but it is what it is.

There are also texts from Soonyoung and you immediately click on his chat to read them.

22:12

Soonyoung: Dout be upsjet p;ease

Soonyoung: heeejjjjjj

Soonyoung: heyy

00:56

Soonyoung: missyoiu

He misses you. You could ignore his drunk texts, but you know that  what he’s saying while drunk it’s what he really feels. Then again, doesn’t mean he’s in love.

He’s always such an i-pad kid, always joking around, rarely taking anything seriously. Except when he’s working. Of course, you can’t say you really really know him, so you can’t just jump to conclusions about him.

That’s why you’re so confused and you can’t be radical about staying away from him. And even if you know someone really well, there’s nothing to vouch they’re going to be predictable.

You’ve gotten ready for work and 30 minutes later you’re in your usual meeting room, sitting at the table, working on your laptop. Hana and another girl from your team joins, bringing breakfast.

Hana: Mornin wife!

Y/N: Mornin to you too, cheater! Where did you sleep?

Hana: Hehe! Well, you see..I kind of ended up kissing Hyunwoo from the dance team and…we went to his room after.

Y/N: Uhhh! You big slut! How could you do that, here, at your workplace where these people are treating us so kind, and respect us……without telling me how the sex was? So disrespectful!

She leans closer, over the table, gesturing you and your other colleague.

Hana: It was really good. And I don’t think it was because of how tipsy we were. Plus, he’s packing.

Y/N: Ok, no need to rub it in. It’s been months for me, it hurts, so please.

Hana: Do we need to go shopping for some dildos and vibrators?

Y/N: I have enough sex toys, silly.

Hana: Or maybe you could ask your ex to help you, if you’re not going to do anything about your crush.

Y/N: My god, Hana! Never! Oh, I forgot the gossip. Jungkook will attend the Dior show too, and I guess the party also.

Hana: You know what that means. You need to look irresistible. And by the way, I’ll be spending some time in Hyunwoo’s room after we finish work today, and my advice since you’ll have some alone time? Use those toys, girl. Unwind.

4 hours later you find yourself walking the hotel’s hallways. With your laptop in one hand and your room card in the other, you’re excited about Hana’s advice. You decided that an orgasm would help you relax, especially since tonight you will see JK.

Reaching inside your room, you take a quick shower and get comfy on the bed. You got your special box with your toys next to you. You pick the vibrator that can stimulate your g spot and your clit at the same time.

You’re feeling so hot and bothered, especially after all the last weeks spent around Soonyoung. Your mind goes straight to the week you were in Spain and how he looked with just swim pants. How he would swim in the pool and all his back muscles would contract.

How he would grip the edge of the pool with his pretty hands, strong grip. And how he would use his arms to lift himself from the water. Oh, the water. The water that was dripping over his abs down to his swim trunks, down his jaw and neck. The water dripping slowly from his strands of hair.

You’d think about how you wanted to lick that hard body of his. You kept working on your vibrator that was giving you so much pleasure right now. You so wished it was Soonyoung making you feel like this.

So wanted to feel him inside you, thrusting slowly, dragging his length deep into your walls, making you cum over and over. Feeling his lips on your breasts, sucking on them.

A knock on the door got you out of your trance. Fuck!!! You kept going, you were so close. Sweat forming on your forehead. Go away!(you whispered)

Then another knock and a call for your name.

Y/N: I’m coming, I’m coming!!! Shit!

And it was not the way you wanted to come. You had to stop. You cursed under your breath. You grabbed a silk robe you had on the bed and went to open the door.

Oh, you were pissed. You open the door to find a flustered Soonyoung standing there, almost guilty and ready to leave.

You were sure your face was pink and sweaty and you were panting.

Y/N: What? You seemed eager to talk, with all that knocking, and now you’re silent?

Soonyoung: Are you with someone? I swear I heard moaning.

Y/N: I’m all alone, Soonyoung.

Soonyoung: Oh! Oh…we’re you…

Y/N: Yeah, I was. I’m a single woman, free to masturbate if that’s what I feel like doing. You got a problem with that?

Soonyoung: Noo, I will just let you get back to what you were doing, sorry for disturbing you.

His face was flushed red and he didn’t just walk away, he ran away. You never seen him run so fast.

You felt like joking around and ask if he wanted to help, but it was not appropriate in your situation. So you kept quiet and went back to business.

Back to your toy and your fantasy about Soonyoung doing filthy things to you. It helps that you just saw him minutes ago. You could still feel his perfume lingering in the air and it drove you crazy.

You ended up cumming while moaning his name. In a way, you wish he heard you right now.

I think a nap is what I need right now before getting ready for the party.

You send a quick text to Hana and one to Jun and you go to sleep for 2 hours.

You wake up at 3 PM, getting into the shower. Meanwhile, Hana arrives to and you both help each other with your hair and outfits.

Y/N: Soonyoung caught me masturbating.

Hana: Whaaaaat??

Y/N: I was about to finish and he knocked on the door. He said he heard me and he figured out, so…

Hana: Geez, that’s..pretty hot, I have to say.

Y/N: How is that hot?

Hana: You like each other and now he’ll think about this all week. Shit, he’ll be looking at you tonight at the party and only see one thing, you touching yourself. That’s hilarious.

Y/N: It kind of is, not gonna lie.

7 PM and you were in one of the company’s car with Hana, 2 of your colleagues and one of the managers.

You were checking the reels from today’s Dior fashion show to see how handsome the boys were. The fans are so quick to edit the craziest and thirstiest reels.

You were wearing a black dress that hugged your body perfectly and dropped sensually over your breasts. You thought that you should wear your hair up in a simple ponytail, to reveal more of your shoulders and back.

Feeling very confident, you walked toward the building, presenting your names at the entrance. The inside of the building was spectacular. Old and new architecture combined, scenes displayed on the walls with thousands of lights, slow electronic music and expensive clothes.

Everything smelled and looked expensive. You start with a glass of champagne, giggling with Hana and noticing familiar faces. This time there were no outside paparazzi or fans around, so you could tell everyone was relaxed.

Hana: There’s Eunwoo. Let’s say hi.

Y/N: Hana, let’s let him come to us, he would know better what to do. Maybe it’s better for him not be seen in company of women.

Hana: You’re right. I just feel weird about it because we’ve been friends for years and he’s like my brother.

Y/N: Jungkook might also be around him, so let’s just not gather to much attention on us.

Hana: Looking like this, you think you won’t catch attention? Giiirl!

Minutes later, you’re enjoying some appetizers and you’re at the second glass, this time a cocktail. As you’re sipping your drink and look forward into the crowd, you notice someone’s eyes on you, the person not flinching, not blinking.

You choked on your drink a little and Hana asked what happened. You told her you just saw Jungkook killing you with his eyes.

She immediately turned and there he was, talking with Eunwoo and some other people.

Hana: Shit, the bastard looks even hotter after his military. Fuck that guy!

Y/N: Ewww, no thanks.

You try not to look in his direction after that, your eyes looking for Soonyoung. You missed him. And you also wanted to see his face when he sees you like this.

Hana: Let’s go mingle and look around. Let’s look at pretty men.

Y/N: Ooookkk.

Hana: Come on, let’s pretend we’re two rich bitches.

The building was huge and the event was taking place outside to. There, they had a different dj with a different music. Here, there was something more like jazz and they had tables with chairs where guests were sitting and enjoying a nice conversation and a cigar.

You saw many celebrities, models, actors, musicians, athletes. It was a little too much for you, but fun nonetheless.

You could get a glimpse of some of the members, but they didn’t see you. They were pretty busy talking to people you didn’t know and taking photos. So you continued your little adventure and walked back inside.

As you turned to walk away, Mingyu saw you and he told Jun. They decided to go look for you.

Reaching a big room, you could tell here it was where the dance was happening. And you wanted to move a bit, so you took Hana’s hand and took her in the crowd of dancing people.

Y/N: It’s been a while since I’ve had so much fun.

Hana: Me fucking too.

Soonyoung was taking pictures with Taemin right in the dancing room where you were, but you could not see him from the people gathered around them.

At some point, a little tunnel formed between Soonyoung and where you were dancing. He could see with his peripheral vision someone in a black dress dancing and it didn’t mean anything, but then when he moved his eyes he saw your face.

Coloured lights were playing on your body, hips making circling moves in the rhythm of the music. Damn, she’s not wearing a bra. Again. It all turned in slow motion again. This always happens to him when he’s mesmerised, and it doesn’t happen often.

He’s never seen you dance before. You’re out of this world, you’re glorious, breathtaking. He needs you.

He was stunned. I’ll marry her.

Taemin: What?

Taemin: Hosh! Planet Earth to Hoshi!

Taemin needed to pinch Soonyoung’s arm to get his attention.

Soonyoung: Ouch! You know I’m sensitive, hyung.

Taemin: Well I needed to make sure you were alive and well. You looked like you saw a ghost.

Soonyoung: No, I just saw my future wife.

Taemin: I thought you liked someone. Didn’t think you were a player.

Soonyoung: Nooo, it’s her. She’s here.

Taemin: My god, I want to meet this woman that has my friend around her pinky.

Soonyoung: Might introduce you later

After dancing you felt thirsty so you went to get drinks.

You were back to the room where you started. As you waited at the bar, you hear someone calling for Hana’s name. You look around and see Eunwoo and Yugyeom.

Hana: Guyyyss!

They hugged both of you. It was the first time you saw them acting normal in public, not having flashes in their faces. Then there he was, Jungkook came behind them and greeted with a shy “hi”.

You and Hana just nodded. You think she hates him more than you. He has a stupid grin on his face and you can feel his eyes scanning your body. Something he will never get to touch again.

Eunwoo: What are you two doing here?

Hana: Well, we are working for Hybe this year, helping with Seventeen’s world tour. And sometimes we’re getting a little spoiled.

Eunwoo: Does that mean Mingyu is here?

Hana: Yeah, somewhere.

Yugyeom: How come we didn’t know?

You shrug and lift your shoulders. Are they not that close anymore?

Jungkook: So the whole gang is here except Jaehyun who’s on tour also.

Eunwoo: We should get some dinner and drink after this, like old times.

Y/N: I don’t know, Woo, not sure it will be like it used to.

Eunwoo: Jungkook, this is your fault. Y/N, you can ignore him. Plus, if he upsets you he’s going to have to deal with me.

You feel an arm coming gently around your waist and pulling you into him.

Mingyu: Who’s going to upset my bestie?

You look up at him with big eyes, wondering why he’s acting like this.

Eunwoo: Gyu! Come on, give me a hug. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. You’re a big shot now.

He takes his arm away and hugs his friends, including Jungkook.

Then comes Jun from behind and puts his arms on both your and Hana’s shoulders, standing between you two.

Jun: Hey guys, what a surprise seeing you here. And you found our girls.

Jungkook scoffs and rolls his eyes.

Eunwoo: I was just telling our girls that we should go out to eat and drink after this, like old times. Are you in, Gyu? And Jun, you’re invited too.

Mingyu: I would go, but we already have a thing planned with the members and some of the managers and staff. But you’re invited to come with us.

He looks at you for a bit, almost like asking with his eyes if it’s ok and you nod.

The three guys accept the invite and you already try to think of excuses of how to skip this late dinner.

Mingyu: Let’s take some photos for the gram, shall we?

Then he leans into your ear to tell you something.

Mingyu: Look over my right shoulder. You see Soonyoung there in the crowd?

You look as he says and you see him.

Mingyu: Take Hana and go to him. I know you want to escape JK right now.

Y/N: Thanks, Gyu.

You take Hana’s hand and excuse yourself, walking straight to Soonyoung. You felt like you could not breath unless you head him or touch him.

He immediately saw you coming toward him and he felt his heart race. His friends were talking to him but he couldn’t hear or see them anymore. There was just you. He could only see you.

Hana: Yaaa, Hoshi! Where were you?

She went for a hug. She was clearly tipsy. His eyes were on you all this time and she was trying to talk to him.

Hana: Oh, yeah. Right.

He could see you were not feeling your best, you had puppy eyes and pouty lips.

He takes your hand to rub gentle circles on the back of your palm.

Soonyoung: What’s wrong?

Y/N: Nothing, just saw someone I’d prefer not to.

Soonyoung: Oh. What can I do?

You pouted some more and looked down at your connected hands.

Y/N: Um. Hold my hand for a bit and I’ll be better?

Hearing this, his eyes turned into half moons and he smiled widely.

Soonyoung: Come on, I’ll introduce you to some superstars.

Y/N: Oh my

Soonyoung: Guys, this is my very good friend Y/N and this is Hana

Taemin: We finally meet you, Y/N friend of Hoshi. I’m Taemin

Key: Hello, I’m Key

Y/N: Nice to meet you, I feel honoured

Hana: Hello! So I don’t get the title friend, eh, Hosh?

Soonyoung: You are my friend also.

Leaning into you, he asks if you’re better and you nod, smiling at him. His hand still holding yours tight.

The room cleared a little, since some of the guests went outside to watch the fireworks. Behind you, the ’97 group and Jun were still talking. Jungkook had a clear view at you now and what he saw shocked him.

Why the fuck is she holding hands with Hoshi? He became enraged and drank his whisky glass as a shot. He needed another. Now he really needed to know what the hell was going on. He knew you and Mingyu were not together anymore. But he was not expecting you having another relationship.

He was enraged because he tried so hard to break you and Mingyu, and after the success, now he needs to do more work. He can’t stand and watch you with another man that’s not him. Not again.

Soonyoung: Want to watch the fireworks?

Y/N: I love fireworks

He doesn’t let go to your hand, leading you outside and calling his friends and Hana to join.

Y/N: Is this ok? Someone might see and take pictures.

Soonyoung: It’s fine, trust me.

Even though earlier you were feeling sick to your stomach because of Jungkook’s presence, this moment was making you feel happy and complete. You had Soonyoung next to you, his hand burning hot in yours.

He looks at you and he sees tears in your eyes.

Soonyoung: What’s wrong?

Y/N: I’m just being emotional. I guess a lot happened lately.

Soonyoung: I get that. I’m here (and he squeezes your hand tighter). It will feel better after dinner. Just a little longer, ok? You’re riding with me in my car to the restaurant.

One hour later you’re in the car with Soonyoung, Jeonghan and Seungkwan.

Seungkwan: Why are you holding hands? What’s wrong with you two?

Soonyoung: My friends needs emotional support so I’m giving it to her.

Seungkwan: Ugh, you two make me sick.

Jeonghan: Why is Mingyu saying in the group chat that the ’97 gang will join for dinner?

Soonyoung turns his face to you in shock.

Y/N: Oh, yeah. It was a weird situation and Mingyu had to invite them.

Jeonghan: But won’t Jungkook will be there?

Y/N: Yeah…(you move your eyes into your lap where you are fiddling with the rings on your fingers)

Soonyoung: Don’t worry, you’ll sit next to me and far from him and we won’t leave you alone. Right, guys?

Both Jeonghan and Seungkwan nod and it’s like a promise.

Jeonghan: I can’t promise I will be able to hold on too much, I am already fucking tired. I could sleep right here right now. But I’ll do my best.

Y/N: Thanks, guys. You’re the best!

The restaurant was empty, no other customers. It was very late too. But it filled with all of you once you all sat at the tables. Everyone ordered drinks and food and the drinking started.

You say between Hoshi and Seungkwan that were taking their mission very seriously. They took care of you all night, asking you what you needed, fixing your food, feeding you. That was a bit much, but funny still.

Seungcheol: What’s going on there? You two look like a couple, feeding their baby.

Seungkwan: We’re just spoiling our girl. She’s been working so hard.

Hana: Hey, what about me? I’ve been working hard too. Who’s feeding me?

And 4 guys offered her food to shove into her mouth. Joshua took a green salad leaf and really managed to put it into her mouth aggressively. Mingyu took a piece of steak and shoved it there too. Dokyeom wanted to go crazy and pushed a spoon with soup close to her, but it ended up on her plate. Then there was Jeonghan that took a piece of cake.

Of course he pushed it in her mouth along with the salad and steak.

Hana was stunned, trying to talk and complain, and at the same time she burst out laughing. So all the food went out her mouth. Luckily, she put a tissue in front of it before she made a mess.

Everyone laughed and you took advantage of the moment to go to the restroom.

Y/N: I’ll be right back.

Soonyoung: I’ll go with you.

Y/N: Soonie, noo. You wanna hold my hand while I pee?

Soonyoung: If you wanted me to, yeah.

You slap his chest gently and get up.

Soonyoung: Ouch, not my tiddies! (he brings his hand to his slapped tiddy to massage the pain away)

Nobody noticed that after 3 minutes, Jungkook got up from his chair and walked to the restroom too.

He was waiting for you to come out, outside the bathroom doors.

Y/N: No, just no. don’t wanna talk to you.

Jungkook: Please! I’ll behave, I promise. I’m not a monster.

Y/N: Could have fooled me after all the shit you did.

Jungkook: I’m so sorry about everything. I wish to explain myself. I know I have no excuse and I don’t deserve forgiveness. I just want to explain why I did what I did.

Y/N: Go ahead, explain.

Jungkook: I was very stupid. Young and dumb you could say. I didn’t tell you about the army because the company found out about our relationship and they were very strict about it and told me to end it. And the reason they wanted me to end it was because some stalker of mine had photos and videos with us, even from my apartment and your apartment. And she threatened that she will expose me. You have to understand that my career would have been over.

Y/N: You could of told me.

Jungkook: No, because I needed a reason for the breakup. And the company came up with the idea that I could go to the military, just like that, without a word. And it worked, didn’t it?

Y/N: And after you were a complete asshole.

Jungkook: I was mad angry when I found out about you and Mingyu. I still loved you.

Y/N: You could still text me after you went to the military and explain.

Jungkook: I just didn’t feel it was the right thing to do. I needed to get away from you completely. I also tried to forget you but I couldn’t.

Y/N: And then you started to get your tail between me and Gyu.

Jungkook: I’m sorry about that too.

Y/N: Were you the one who attacked me in front of my building that night?

Jungkook: I would never do that. Could never hurt you physically.

Y/N: And you think emotional pain is ok? You think it was easy for me when you left me? You pushed me and Gyu together. He was there for me when you weren’t. you chose to leave and he stayed. He’s still there for me after everything.

Jungkook: I need to confess something. I need to get this off my chest.

Y/N: What?

Jungkook: Mingyu never cheated on you. I planed that night. I spiked his drink, and the girl n the photos was a friend. I’m really sorry.

Y/N: What? What? Are you telling me that all those miserable weeks and months, all those nights when I could not sleep, those days that I could not eat and was close to collapsing at work because of it… all of that for nothing? Just because you were jealous?

Jungkook: I have no excuse.

Y/N: No, you fucking don’t. You took away my happiness twice. And you took away Mingyu’s happiness too. We were so good together. I even thought he was the one. I fucking hate you, Jungkook!

Tears run down your cheeks, reminiscing all that pain you felt when you thought Mingyu broke your trust. And all this time since then, that you spent punishing yourself because you thought all men are the same and all will cheat. You punished yourself to be alone.

Y/N: I can’t believe how sinister you can be.

Jungkook: I’m sorry, I am really trying to be better.

You look at him and you can see he’s tearing up too. His eyes look honest and you never seen him in this state, almost broken.

Jungkook: You have to believe me. I am really trying. It’s hard. I’m even seeing a therapist to help me. Please, believe me. I am trying to keep the bad thoughts away. Even tonight when I saw you holding Hoshi’s hand I went mad. I don’t know, I thought I was over you. I guess I’m just a sick person.

He gets on his knees, his face filled with tears that roll down his chin, dropping onto his shirt.

Jungkook: Please, forgive me! Please Y/N!!

You take his hands into yours. He’s trembling like crazy and you need to calm him down. You can’t stand him, but you can’t leave him like this.

So you pull him up and into your arms, hugging him tight.

Y/N: It’s ok, it’s going to be ok.

Jungkook: It’s not ok, I did horrible things.

Y/N: Let’s relax for now, ok? We will talk another time when we’re both feeling better. But now we are here and the food will be ready. Also, we don’t want anyone knowing we bawled out eyes out, do we?

Jungkook: No, we don’t

Y/N: Come on, let’s go into the restroom and make ourselves looks presentable.

Jungkook: I feel like you should kick me in the balls or something, because you’re too nice to me.

Y/N: Do you want me to kick you in the balls?

Jungkook: N..no?

Y/N: Then don’t put nice thoughts like that in my head.

Hoshi noticed you were gone for quite some time and Jungkook was not in his seat. He got up, going to look for you. Going into the restroom, he found you and Jungkook fixing your makeup in the mirror.

Soonyoung: What the hell is going on here?

Y/N: Soonieeee! Come here and help me!

He looks at you and he can see you’re eyes are red and a little swollen.

Soonyoung: Y/N, did you cry?

Y/N: This one cried harder.

Jungkook: I’m going back to the table. Thanks, Y/N.(he stops in his track and gives a nod, then leaves)

Soonyoung: What the fuck! What was that about?

Y/N: We talked

Soonyoung: About?

Y/N: About how he was a butthole.

Soonyoung: Are you ok though?

Y/N: I am now.

Then you pinch his cheeks and place a soft single kiss on his lips.

Y/N: Let’s go, tiger. I’m starving and I need a drink.

Soonyoung: You’re not actually going to pretend you didn’t just kiss me?

But you did just that. You got back into the room bickering like always.

Seungkwan: That’s more like it. I was starting to miss this bickering. Y/N, when are you going to kick him in the balls next? That was really fun to watch

Y/N: Kwaaan! Why would I kick Soonie like that?

Seungkwan: Soonie? I think I’m going to puke.(he makes a dramatic scene where he pretends like he’s puking and fainting)

Food came and Hoshi continued to feed you. It made him feel good.

Y/N: I can do it myself, you know.

Soonyoung: Shut up and eat, I’m an expert with food and eating.

As he feeds you, your hand goes to sit on his thigh. You didn’t even notice, but he did. Oh, did he. You were even squeezing it whenever he was giving you too much food that you could not fit into your mouth.

Y/N: Soonie, slow down. Can’t eat this fast.

Soonyoung: Sorry, but your hand it kind of distracts me from thinking straight.

You look down at your hands. One is on your thigh and the other on his. You pull it away immediately, apologising.

He feels like he can finally let out a breath that he was holding for decades. He thanks himself for wearing oversized clothes tonight. You just have this effect on him and he’s just a weak man.

You’re both blushing. You’re acting like you haven’t been teasing and bullying each other since you met. But that was your thing. When it was banter, you two were at each other’s throat, daring and shit. But when it was serious, you were both a shy mess.

Jeonghan and Minghao were the first ones to leave. Hana asked them to take her with them. He told you she needed to go meet Hyunwoo the dancer.

02:19

Hana: Wife, I’m going to leave with Jeonghan. Hynwoo is waiting for me. Can you sleep in Jun’s room tonight? Hyunwoo’s roommate is sleeping already in their shared room.

02:20

Y/N: Ok, have fun and use protection my silly slut.

You scoff and sight and Soonyoung asks what happened.

Y/N: I need to ask Jun to sleep in his room tonight. Hana is having some action in our room.

Soonyoung: Sleep in my room!

Y/N: Oh! Really?

Soonyoung: Yeah. My bed is huge and I’m a good boy.

You look at him and you can tell he’s pretty drunk. There are two scenarios that go trough your head. One-he’s going to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and he won’t bother you. Two-he’s going to be clingy and needy and he’s going to cuddle the shit out of you.

You don’t plan on doing anything else, though your whole body wants to. But no. Even if you’d decide that you want to accept him romantically, this would not be the right way to start.

You’d want to try a different path and make sure this one would last. He is indeed very different from all the guys you met in your life. Maybe that’s one of the reasons you’re so drawn to him.

So you accept his offer. You have nothing to lose. Maybe just your sanity for being this close to the guy you’re in love with. Maybe you’re sleep, knowing he’s right there, arm reach, and you’re all sweaty and wet and needy.

But no. You will behave and you know he will too.

Y/N: Ok, then I’ll sleep in your room.

And his face lights up at that and he pats your head, calling you a good girl.

I mean, he could keep these remarks to himself. It’s enough that I’m having such a hard time already. My sex life it’s inexistent and he’s so…

Soonyoung: Why are you looking at me funny?

Y/N: Oh, am I? Sorry, no reason. You’re just cute when you’re drunk.

You continue eating and hiding the alcohol from Hoshi. He already had 2 glasses of whatever, you don’t even know what was in there. You catch his glass that he just filled earlier and you take it to your mouth to taste it.

You decide he won’t drink that, Afterall, you are the one who’s going to be dealing with him later. You don’t want to break you back from dragging him all the way to the bed.

He pouts a little whenever you take his glass, and doesn’t even realises when you switch it with water. You’re not much sober than he is, but you’re more responsible.

Now it’s your turn to feed him and you don’t mind. Seungkwan shoots you dramatic looks. He likes to act like cute things make him sick but everyone knows better.

You hear Mingyu, Eunwoo and Jungkook argue about who’s the most popular idol among them. You’re glad to see they are still close. Noticing Jun on the other side of the table you want to go sit next to him and spend some quality time with your bestie.

When you get up, you tell Seungkwan and Joshua to keep their eyes on Hoshi and not let him drink alcohol anymore. A grip on your wrist keeps you from walking away.

Soonyoung: Where are you going? Why are you leaving me alone?

Y/N: You’re not alone though, and I’m going to sit next to Jun for a while.

He sights and puts some food into his mouth, nodding. As you sit next to your bestie, you have Soonyoung right in front of you and you can’t not notice how often he looks at you.

He’s being quite flirty, you think? Sending flying kisses, then he catches them himself. But there is someone else watching you. Jungkook. You caught him a few times while you were having a conversation with Jun.

He looks lost, you might say. It’s impossible he still has feelings for you, right? It’s been such a long time and he’s sure met plenty of interesting girls.

You even heard a rumour about him having a girlfriend not long back. And also, you didn’t think of yourself like such a great catch. Why would someone like him would not be able to get over a nobody like you?

It’s not that you are not confident, but you like to keep it real. There are others far more beautiful, talented, richer and more suitable for him. Maybe you’ll have a nice grown up conversation with him sometime and unravel this mystery.

You’ll need to talk to Mingyu also and apologise for what happened and all the hurtful words you said to him in the past.

But until then, you needed to get Soonyoung out of there and into bed, because the poor guy ‘s  face was red and puffy and he could barely keep his eyes open.

So you ask Jun if he will go to the hotel with you in the same car. Hearing that you want to leave, Minghao says he wants to join you too. Good, more help with carrying Hoshi.

You announce that you’re going to leave. Jun helps Hoshi to steady himself. He can walk straight, but he could bump into something because of his blurred vision right now.

Mingyu comes outside with you, asking if everything’s ok and you tell him you’re fine and that you need to talk to him soon when he gets some free time. He nods, gives you a warm hug and goes back inside.

Mingyu: Someone needs to drink Dino under the table.

In the car, Hoshi puts his head in Minghao’s lap, falling asleep. 20 minutes later you find yourself knocking at your room, waiting for Hana to bring your sleepover backpack. That’s your drill whenever one of you needs the room for herself.

Then off you go to Hoshi’s room. You find him collapsed onto the bed, clothes on, shoes on.

You start to take his shoes off and he starts to kick his feet ap and down.

Soonyoung: Hihihih it tickles.

Y/N: I know, but we need to get you into bed, ok?

Soonyoung: Ok, mom

Y/N: I’ll also take your shirt and pants off and put your pj’s on.

He just keeps on giggling and kicking his feet. He’s so cute. You’re glad his’s this type of drunk.

You look for his sleeping clothes and you find a tshirt and some shorts. These will do.

Then the hard part begins. You get him to sit on the edge of the bed and pull on his shirt over his head. Then you pull the tshirt on.

When it’s time for the pants he gets shy.

Soonyoung: I’ll do it, you can’t see me naked.

Y/N: But you have underwear on. Right?

Soonyoung: So what. You’re not taking my pants off

Y/N: I thought you wanted me to do that

Soonyoung: Y/N, this is not the time to be thirsty

Y/N: If I was acting thirsty I would be in your lap right now. Do you see me there?

He looks at his lap, brings his hands in front and looks at them. Then all of the sudden you’re in his lap.

Y/N: What are you doing?

Soonyoung: Now you’re thirsty.

Y/N: Am not!

You try to get up but he keeps you there with a strong grip around your waist, holding you tight.

Soonyoung: Don’t go!

Y/N: I’m not going, I’m just trying to change you into sleep clothes then we can go to bed

Soonyoung: Can you cuddle me?

Y/N: I don’t know if we should, Soonie

Soonyoung: I should have known to ask Jun to sleep here tonight. He would cuddle me

He buries his face into your chest. More exactly between your breasts and you wonder if he’s realizing what he’s doing.

Y/N: Hoshingi, my tits are in your face. Stop being so thirsty

Soonyoung: So warm, could sleep like this.

Then you push him on his back and get off him. You grab his belt to take his pants off.

Soonyoung: Whoah, take it slow, I’m sensitive.

When his pants are on the floor you pull his short on, and he huffs disappointed.

Soonyoung: I thought you wanted to take advantage of me.

Y/N: Shut up and sleep. Tomorrow you’re having rehearsals for 10 straight hours.

You go into the bathroom to get ready for bed and when you return, he’s already sleeping. You exhale loudly and find a spot on the other side of the bed.

Not even 5 minutes passed that you feel movement and an arm coming over your waist, pulling you into his warm body. His leg going right over yours. You’re caged in.

This feels nice, but how are you going to be able to sleep now? You feel his breath on the back of your neck. Makes you feel butterflies. You smile and you feel like crying.

You remember all those times you felt alone at night, wanting someone to just hold you. It feels nice even to just hear his gentle snores. Sometimes his fingers would twitch in his sleep and you so wanted to hold his hand right now.

So you put your hand over his and the twitching stopped. It was like you calmed him down. At some point, you don’t really know when, you also fall asleep.

[highwayorgantrade]

Art History

Pairing: (cis)fem!reader x Carlisle Cullen

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Cursing, the most mild nsfw (basically intense kissing and references to sex), minor choking, general tomfoolery.

Summary: A certain doctor helps you find resources for your college art history class.

Spotify Playlist: Art History

A/N: Aaah okay my first fic on this blog!! I'm so excited to get back into writing, especially with my favorite characters and people. Also, I'm sorry, I love Esmé as much as everyone else does, she does not exist here and Carlisle is the Ultimate Single Father™. And God, I did not expect it to be this long!!

The way that you met the Cullens was, at best, not ideal. A broken down car here, the offer of a ride there. It wasn't a bad thing - the friendship you had with the family had lasted all through high school up to a local community college.

When they told you the truth about who they were, what they were, you thought it was a joke.

"Yeah, very funny. Halloween isn't for another two months, and you can't all go as vampires, that would be so stupid." You snorted, returning to the homework that was scattered on the dining room table.

"(Y/N)... Think about it." Alice placed her hand on your shoulder, forcing you to listen.How are you just now noticing her hands are so cold? "Have you ever seen any of us eat? Go into the sun?"

You didn't want to think about it, you knew they would never lie to you like this. It's too insane to be a lie. But didn't they lie and pretend like they were human? It was just all too confusing, so naturally, it took you a few days before you starting going around their house again. They answered all your questions, even when you decided to punish them all a bit for not telling you sooner.

"So, have you ever thought about the ecological damage you might be doing with all the hunting?" You had been interrogating them for hours, but honestly? They were grateful. Grateful that you didn't run off and tell the entire town, or worse, flee from Forks and lose you forever.

"Honestly, we all have different preferences." Emmett replied cooly, as if you were chatting about movies. "I prefer some of the bigger stuff: Bears, wildcats. It's mostly deer, though."

"Never people." Carlisle confirms with a smile, and you almost immediately regret giving him a chance to speak. Before their confession, the pounding of your heart was a fun secret, a dream you knew would never come true. The scenarios have run through your head all the time, anytime you looked at him. And those rare moments where you felt brave enough to make eye contact? But now, you knew that it was basically a public confession. You never talked about it. The Cullens never did, either.

"I know one of you has to know something about the Reliquary of Sainte Foy." You sighed, dropping your bag at your feet.

"Please, (y/n), come in." Edward quipped from the living room.

"I mean, this whole thing makes no sense!" You continued, thinking back to every single time you've used Edward to complain. "First, she starts off the semester with the Renaissance, then goes to modern minimalism, then back to freakin' Jesus times?"

"You know," Alice strode in, reading over the same paper, "When I have questions about art history, I usually ask Carlisle." She leaned against the counter. "He's the oldest of us." The look her and Edward shared were lost to you, as you already began to think of excuses as to why you shouldn't be alone in a room with him. The fear of looking and sounding stupid overcame the desire to just do anything with him. The desire to mess up that stupidly perfect hair of his, or his cold hands roughly wrapping around your-.

No. Absolutely not.

"Ah, no! I wouldn't want to bother him. He's probably super busy, with all of his... doctoring stuff-"

"Nonsense." Edward smiled. "He would be overjoyed to help."

"Edward, seriously, don't-" You pleaded, but it was too late. Carlisle's name echoed throughout the house, but it felt like a death bell.

"I hope you find your answers!" Alice quickly took her exit out the front door, with Edward following right behind her, with a polite "Excuse me."

"(Y/N)!" He greeted you fondly, noticing Edward and Alice's backs as they walked deeper into the forest that surrounded the house. "Didn't Edward call for me?" He was watching them, but you were watching how he saw you and immediately smiled, and the way his arms flexed on the table.

Stop.

"Yeah, he did. They insisted that you could help me with art history, but this is old, old crap, and like, yeah, you're old, but you're not that old, so it's not really..." He began to smile again. "Super important." You finished, suddenly very aware of how you were standing. And how your hand rested so close to his. And how hot your face suddenly got.

"Well, what is it you need my help with?" He took your assignment paper. "The Reliquary of Sainte Foy. Around what time was that?" He looked back at you.

"Uh, the- Jesus times. Like upper double digits for the year. Which, I mean, I don't know when you were born, but I don't think you're that old, I mean you're still fun and pretty cool." God, why couldn't you just stop talking!

"Come on." He turned his back, taking your picking up your bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "I think I have something in my office."

His office? He's taking you to his office? You've been inside of it before, but it wasn't just him and you, it was him and his kids. Just keep reminding yourself: You are his children's friend. You're friends with every single one of this man's children. You're probably not even on his radar! A (publicly) mid-30 year old local surgeon, and men that looked like him in this part of Washington was rare. And to be going after a college student? Pull it together.

The steely resolve quickly crumbled as he held the door open for you to walk past him, and if you had any doubts he could hear your heart before, they were absolutely gone. You could hear your pounding heart in your head. The office was gorgeous, a few lamps and some candles gave the dark office a warm glow, and you could see he had been actively working on... something?

"I'm so sorry, did I interrupt something?" You glanced at the papers on his desk.

"Oh, no, I was just going over some old files. You could never interrupt me."

Oh.

"Now." He began scanning a section of his large bookshelves. "I unfortunately was not born in 'Jesus times,' but I was born in 1640, and my father was an Anglican priest, so I might have something about early Christian relics." He finally pulled a large dark blue book from the shelf and handed it to you. "What about The Book of Sainte Foy? Written in 1010 A.D. and translated in 1995."

"Yes, please, that would be amazing." You replied quickly, eager to spend as little time in this room as possible.

"(Y/N), you seem stressed. If college is getting to be too much, you could always take a break." His eyebrows knit together and set the book on his desk. Your eyes followed his hand and you swallowed. This cannot be happening.

"Uh, no, it's not college! College is fine. It's just... other stuff." Your hands clasped together to try and ease some of your nerves.

"Well, (Y/N), if it's something more personal, you know you can always talk to me. I've enjoyed having you around and I hate to see you upset." You knew he was trying to ease information out of you, but his words just made it harder.

"Carlisle, I-" Oh god. No. Stop talking. His hand came to rest on your upper arm, his icy hand almost burning your hot skin. You've imagined this so many times "It's you!"

Wait. No! Keep talking! The look of slight shock and confusion on his face combined with the gentle grip he had on your arm had wiped your brain of whatever you were going to say. His hand relaxed and fell back to his side.

"Me? (Y/N), did I make you uncomfortable?" His voice was soft, but serious. Fix this, now!

"No! Well, sort of. But no! Just... listen." You rubbed the back of your neck, shifting your weight between your legs. He leaned back against his desk and looked at you.

This was going to be hard.

"It's just... You make me nervous because you know, you're like a genetically modified beauty of a human being. I mean, have you seen yourself? Actually seen yourself?"

Carlisle opened his mouth to respond but he couldn't get the words out before you continued.

"You are... gorgeous. And I know, Edward's complained to me about that whole 'Oh, our beauty just lures in innocent prey so we can destroy them,' thing, but you're just a... a genuinely beautiful person. You help people in need, you go to some extreme lengths to help people because why? Because you're a doctor and it's what you do, damn it! It's amazing. You're amazing." You took a breath, filling your lungs with all the words you've kept to yourself. "And I like your hands."

And you like his hands? That's what your confession is ending on? Okay, own it.

"You like my hands?" He questioned, biting back a smile. Of course that's what he focused on. "Tell me about my hands." He stood up off his desk and moved closer to you. You felt like the breath was being sucked out of your lungs as you tried to organize your thoughts.

"Well, they're..." His hand came up to your face, thumb grazing your cheekbone.

"Go on."

"I like the way they're..." In an effort to look anywhere else but his eyes, you glanced down to his chest. His face seemed to inch closer to yours as you searched for words you knew you wouldn't find. The hand on your face traveled to the back of your neck, and his other hand found the small of your back. Your hands rested on his biceps, your last attempt to try to cover up your attraction towards him.

"Tell me you want this." Carlisle whispered, pressing you closer to him, encouraged by your racing heart.

"I want this so bad." You admitted, and those were the words that broke the both of you. He pressed you against a bookshelf as his lips met yours, and the amount of passion coming from Carlisle was shocking. His thumb came around your neck to wrap around the front, and the simple weight of his hand caused you to moan in his mouth. He smiled into the kiss and your hands went to his hair, tugging as gently as you could.

"Jump." He whispered in between kisses. The faint taste of spearmint lingered, and you whined at the loss.

"What?" You pulled back and stared at him.

"Jump."

God, please let his vampire strength come in clutch. You wrapped your legs around his waist and his hands found the bottom of your thighs. He placed you on top of his desk, careful as to not disturb any documents or books, and pulled you in again. this time, there was something different. The kiss was more insistent, more demanding.

"More." He groaned, and slotted his head into the curve of your neck, biting gently, and kissing the same spots.

You had never seen Carlisle like this, never this... out of control.

"So, when is this paper due?" He asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. He walked back to the door of his office, laying his hand on the doorknob. You simply stared at him, still catching your breath. Did he seriously just ask that? Now? "Is it tonight?"

"No?"

"Good." He grinned at you, and turned the lock. "Because it's not getting done."

[iamnmbr3]

Cursed Child rant? as a treat? 👉👈

Oh god. Where to even start. Listen, I know some people enjoy CC and I say more power to you. I'm not here to be the fun police and say what people can and can't like or write fic about or derive meaning from or whatever. But for me, personally, Cursed Child is an absolute mess of the worst kind that irritates me on a profound level.

First off, it's completely inconsistent with the canon characterizations and established rules of world building (and JKR didn't even do that much world building so there wasn't that much to keep track of and yet, they couldn't even bother to do that). I mean, Cedric, who tried to give the Triwizard Cup to Harry doesn't win and that somehow causes him to become a Death Eater??? Huh? It's not just ooc. It's bad storytelling. I mean, even if he was a hugely sore loser why would losing a tournament cause him to join an extremist blood purist paramilitary group? That has nothing to do with him losing. It's stupid and childish and nonsensical and SO bad.

And really? That's the best you can come up with? If the point of that whole thing was the tired trope of 'time travel goes wrong and makes things worse' they could've just had the gang expose Crouch earlier but instead of Voldemort not returning he just ends up returning but not using Harry's blood which allows him to do his original plan of growing his power in secret. And idk. Maybe then he takes over and he kills Harry and Harry doesn't come back. I didn't even put any effort into that. It's a bit dumb and inelegant but it gets the job done without wild character assassination and a lack of logic so profound it would insult the reasoning abilities of a fungus.

But ok, let's judge it as its own vaguely Harry Potter inspired thing rather than as an actual sequel to the canon series. You know what the result is? IT'S STILL BAD. It's just. SO BAD. I don't understand how it's a real thing.

It's like a parody of a bad play. It can't possibly be real. Harry suddenly has a phobia of pigeons? Why??? It's so...stupid. And I'm supposed to take that seriously? What? And the dialogue. The dialogue. "Bad" doesn't even cover it. The fact that "Wow. Squeak. My geekness is a-quivering" is a real actual line in the actual play causes me physical pain. WHO WRITES THAT?! AND THEN LEAVES IT IN THE FINAL DRAFT?!?!?

And Delphi. WHAT EVEN?! She's literally like a parody of a bad fanfic Mary Sue. Down to the blue streak in her hair. But we're supposed to take her seriously? As a villain? Tf? She's like a bad Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way knockoff. The whole play is like an unfunny parody of bad writing. But it's not supposed to be. It actually pretends to be a genuine drama. Which is so much worse. I truly think My Immortal is better. And way funnier.

No effort at all went into the story construction. Characters act incredibly childishly and unrealistically and simplistically. The story doesn't feel like it was written by adults. There's no feeling or depth or emotion. It's all plot contrivances and nauseatingly simplistic writing. It isn't a story. It's just some stuff that happens. Because the writers were just like 'eh it's Harry Potter it'll sell.' And that's not art. That's just churned out content. And it bothers me on such a profound level that they did it and got away with it.

I would be embarrassed to write that for myself, let alone to turn that in as a professional writer. It's so inconsistent with the original story that I legitimately think the 2 guys who wrote it didn't even read the books. They just glanced at the wiki and decided they were good to go. Despite being PAID to do this. How sloppy is that? Not to mention Harry Potter meant so much to so many people who were ecstatic to get more content yet the two clowns who wrote this just skimmed the wiki and then vomited out some of the worst lines ever penned in history and called it a day.

[five-rivers]

Moving On

AO3

For @ave-aria

.

“Have you ever thought about… moving on?”

.

Skulker scoffed.  “Moving on?  That’s a myth.”  He turned back to the weapon he was sharpening.  “A fairytale the Dead tell themselves.  The only thing that’s after life is this, and only if they’re lucky.”  He held the blade up to the light, examining its edge.  “They pretend there’s something after death.  Well.  Is there something after that, too?  The whole thing is ridiculous.  At least on Earth there’s evidence of ghosts.  There’s nothing to support this nonsense.”

.

Spectra smiled, her too-red lips curving perfectly.  Too perfectly, as always.  Her false skin betrayed her.  “Why do you ask?  Contemplating your own post-mortality?”  A white sliver appeared between her lips.  Her real teeth.  “I don’t think you need to worry about that, sweetheart.  After all, to move on, you need to have your affairs put in order.  You need peace.  Satisfaction!  And you, well…  Look at you.  You’re a mess.  No, I can’t see you ever getting satisfaction.  You can’t even get a good night’s sleep.  Can you?  Be honest.”

.

“Moving on?” repeated Poindexter, fidgeting nervously.  “That’s a bit grim, don’t you think?  I’d never–”  He looked away.  “I used to think I wanted that.  To go somewhere else.  And then I did.  And then I wanted to go somewhere else again, and I…  Someone told me, once, that wherever you go, you bring yourself.”  He adjusted his glasses.  “I don’t know what they were trying to say.  For a long time, I thought that meant I was the problem.  But.  That wasn’t true, not really.”  He squared his shoulders.  “I stopped looking into that kind of stuff.  You should, too.”

.

“Why would we leave the Far Frozen?” asked Frostbite.  “We’ve always been here.  It’s our ancestral– Ah.  I see.  Moving on, not from here, but from the Ghost Zone as a whole?  From, for lack of a better word, this plane of existence?  Well, there’s never been a documented case of something like that spontaneously happening, but I suppose ghosts that have Ended have moved on, in a sense, although that’s rarely peaceful in any sense of the word.  Why do you ask?”

.

“That would be somewhere under number one thirty-two,” said Ghost Writer, not looking up from his computer.  “Possibly one eleven or one twenty-nine.”  He continued typing, only looking up after a minute.  “The Dewey Decimal system.  You have heard of it?”  He looked away again.  “That should tell you all you need to know on the subject.  Now, go away.  I’m writing.”

.

Johnny started laughing.  “Oh, that’s a good one.  Moving on.  Yeesh.”  He wiped a tear from his eye.  “Oh, wait.  You’re serious.  Yikes.  Okay, so.  I dunno.  Like, I’ve got everything I want here.  My girl, my best bud,” Shadow shrieked encouragingly at this, “my bike, nothin’ but open roads in front of me.  This’s paradise.  What’s moving on got on that?  Nothin’, that’s what.”

.

“I’ve already moved on!  I’ve got the move on, I’ve got the groove on!  I’m whatcha wanna put the tube on!  And!  My latest invention!  Will let me, Technus, master of technology and everything that uses LEDs!  Harsh the vibes of anyone who tries to stop me!  From! Taking over the world! Ahahahahaha ha!  Also, you’re way too young to think about that kind of thing.”  Technus’s current body rearranged itself into a massive gun.  “Now, perish!”

.

“Moving on,” said Kitty, thoughtfully.  “Johnny said you’d asked him about it.”  She leaned against the brick wall, seemingly not caring about the grunge her bright red jacket would pick up.  “I’ve thought about it.  Every time Johnny and I break up, which I guess makes it all the time.  But not, like, seriously.  Death, afterlife, whatever… it might not be everything I wanted, right?  But it’s got Johnny, and that’s all I really need.”

.

“MOVING ON?  IS THAT A MOVING COMPANY?  THE BOX GHOST GREATLY ENJOYS MOVING COMPANIES!  THEIR VEHICLES ARE ALWAYS STOCKED WITH WONDERFUL RECTANGULAR BOXES!  Oh, uh.  I MEAN, FEAR ME!  I AM THE BOX GHOST!”

.

“Eh?  Whazzat?”

“Kid wants ta know ‘bout movin’ on, Ernie.”

“Ha!” the third vulture said.  “Movin’ on.  Movin’ on.  That’s more of a fool’s game than this.”  He threw down his cards.  “Fold.”

“Four?”

“Fold.”

“Ya don’t havta shout.  Movin’ on, huh.  No one’s asked us that inna while, eh?”

“Yeah, yeah.  Two thousand and ten years old, at this point we’ve seen it all.  Loadsa movin’ on.”

“Mostly ‘cause we pecked ’em ta death, mind.”

“But, yeah, people move on.  Sometimes they even move to Florida, am I right?”  The vulture waved one of his wings and cards slipped out from between his feathers.  

“You cheating b–”

.

“It’s something I’ve considered,” said Desiree, raising her head from where it had been resting on her coiled tail.  “It’s even something I’ve helped others consider.  Why, are you here to make a wish?  No?  More’s the pity.”  She sighed heavily, resting her chin on her manicured and hennaed fingers.  “Of course, my curse keeps me here, or I would have already left.”  She sighed, heavily.  “It’s lovely, the other world.  Exactly as the old mullahs said.  Do let me know if you change your mind, won’t you?”

.

“I have not,” said Pandora, in her path to adjust one of the hedges of her maze.  “The subject does not hold much interest for me, I’m afraid.  Oh, certainly, I have seen those who claim to know the secrets of moving on, who have certain predictions about what comes next.  But I always wonder… If they are so wise, if they have so much knowledge, why do they not go themselves?”  She shook her head.  “The next world as unknowable to us as this one was when we yet lived.  If it exists at all.”

.

“There are better alternatives if you tire of this world.”  Nocturne’s robes flowed behind them, a hole in the universe leading to the void.  “More reliable alternatives.  After all, who knows what lies beyond?  Why risk that when you can have everything you dream about?”  He smiled sharply, leaning close.  “Why waste time on that fantasy when you can have… mine?”

.

“What are you talking about?” demanded Plasmius.  “Moving on?  From what?  I don’t have anything to move on from.  There’s nothing I have to move on from.  I’m not holding on to anything.  I’m not obsessed.  I swear, if this is another cat thing, I’m not responsible for what I’m about to do to you.”

.

“Well, I’ve heard some ghosts talk about it,” said Dani, swinging her legs back and forth where she was perched on the tree branch.  “But it’s a bit different for me, isn’t it?  There wasn’t anything before for me.  There’s just… me.  Now.  I guess I have some baggage.  Everyone does, and, you know, I’m a clone, so there’s some extra baggage right there.  But what am I supposed to do?  Drop it all and go into the light?  Come on.  I’ve got stuff to do.  Places to see.  Things to eat.”  She leaned back and looked up at the sky.  “Maybe once I’ve done all the stuff I haven’t got the chance to, I’ll look into it more, but for now?  Nah.  Not for me.”

.

“Well, sure,” said Danny.  “Some day, probably.  I’m not…”  He looked away, pressing his lips together.  “I don’t do well when I’m on my own.  So… If that ever happens, I think I’d look into ways to do that… safely.  If it doesn’t happen naturally.  You don’t have to worry about me doing that, though.  I mean.  It’d be after, um.”  He crossed his arms.  “Nothing lasts forever.  I get that.  I wouldn’t–  It wouldn’t be like before.  Why are we talking about this, anyway?  Anything like moving on is ages off for all of us.  Right?  There’s not something you’re not telling me, is there?”

.

The regular ticking of the clocks provided a stark counterpoint to the irregular flicker of the candle flames Clockwork floated in front of.  Wax dripped heavily to the floor.  He turned slightly, his profile in sharp contrast with the light behind it.  “Nothing lasts forever, as I know you’ve been told.  Even in the undying realm of ghosts, everything, and everyone, has its time.”

.Jazz chewed the end of her pencil, but put it to the paper to write: Ultimately, this line of inquiry led to more questions than answers…

[margotoo0]

◇ Huge Sukuna headcanon AU ◇ (cuz I'm crazy)

English is not my native language. It was originally written in Russian, so it is very difficult to translate it correctly, since there are a lot of slangs. And I’m also talking damn nonsense, that’s why.

DO NOT TAKE EVERYTHING WRITTEN SERIOUSLY!!! THIS ALL WAS WRITTEN WHEN THE AUTHOR WAS UNDER METH!!!♡♡♡♡♡

I hope you stay alive and read this to the end.

AU! Our time

Well, what... About the base?

◇About 40-45 years old, mentally - all 70.. (he just tired) No wife, no family, everything is according to the canon.

◇It’s worth paying a little attention to his appearance (Kukukhuhuh):

1) I’ve seen a lot of art on AU Sukuna (I’ve seen a lot, a lot...), I really liked the theme with the patch on the right eye, so let’s take note. Most likely, either he has some problems since birth (Ehehe.. Let’s leave the topic of an unwanted child due to a congenital pathology?))), or he successfully lost it in one of the stabbings (that’s how he met Uraume..)

2) Huge bruises under the eyes. With age, wrinkles also appeared there. The eyes are sleepy, sometimes capillaries burst.

3) His skin is rough and rough. A common problem is peeling; in winter it’s completely out of whack.

4) AQUILINE NOSE (big noses, I like big noses..)

5) He is tall. Very. 190+ exactly. But this is not just a cruise ship, it’s a whole tank. The same guy who is the envy of all natural jocks. Something between a mesomorph, and maybe even an endomorph. The fact itself: there is a lot of muscle, but not dry. In all the right places, as they say...Ahhhhh. I won’t write you the muscle mass ratio and fat percentage, sorry. Where did it come from? Well, look at his true uniform. (Moreover, there were jokes on the Internet that he was on a mass gain after the illustration for the exhibition came out. Eh...They just didn’t deserve him, they were jealous) A strong, good man, I give it a like, without a ticket to my bed. You can consider yourself to have won the genetic lottery. Little nasty bug.

6) It’s obvious that in some places there are scars (a scar on the stomach, where his mouth is, according to the canon), burns... There’s all sorts of things there, in fact.

7) Tattoo? YES!

8) I also saw a couple of heads on Sukuna the boxer, he was included in the heavyweight category. I COMPLETELY AGREE, THIS IS A FACT.

9) In general, he is a typical cat-person. Like..he is so tiger 🐅

10) He also squints often. His gaze is empty, but in his head there is a whole construction site.

====

Okay, I didn’t come up with anything else about appearance, you can figure it out for yourself. Let's go big already.

◇Philosophy of life? Sukuna adheres to that same “hedonism”, EGOISM, that everyone somehow misses when they talk about Sukuna’s philosophy. He doesn’t believe in your metaphysics; sometimes nihilistic tendencies slip through.

◇Remember his hobby? FOOD. And this thing has been preserved. He doesn’t deny himself anything, an ever-meat diet. Proper nutrition? Diets? Wtf, what? He don't know what. But he’s also an eater, he won’t eat everything, he’s very selective. High quality, three Michelin stars. (In general, the topic here is this... In the Heian era, he ate people, right? So, he mainly gave preference to the meat of women and children, since their meat is more tender due to a higher percentage of fat than that of men. Juicy, to be honest)

◇Eh...Would he be Hannibal Lector? Would you eat human flesh? Answer this question yourself. But it's interesting.

◇He has a very specific taste in food

◇What does he do in life? OHHOHO, SO. This is where the juice begins.

Please just keep in mind that this is all a fat joke.

◇We all know very well that Sukuna loves battles, fights, fighting, wars... He loves physical contact very much. Because of this, there is a head that Sukuna could have been involved in wrestling, in particular, boxing or jujitsu, but I have an opinion that Sukuna simply would not have lasted long, or would not have started a career at all. Well, how...

1) If we assume that he was actually involved in wrestling at one time, then his “career” ended after the first major championship at the age of about 20-25 years. In short, everything is simple: during the first round he almost killed his opponent (HAHAHAA), it came to resuscitation. Of course, Sukuna is a tough fighter, but no one expected such meanness. How was he even allowed in? Well, we thought about making money, but Sukuna’s adrenaline was stronger. He never returned to the ring. By some miracle he was not convicted (or rather... They wanted to, but Sukuna was faster). By the way, it must be said that this is not the first time Sukuna has smeared someone on the floor. But for some reason he always got away with it. It didn’t work out here... He wasn’t very upset, to be honest.

Did you think that he would receive penalties cards? No. There are 100% problems with the law. I just decided not to do hardcore.

2) From here I could already talk about the second half of his cheerful life, but I must say that Sukuna, I think, would not go into big sports at all, since it requires a lot of organization, and besides, a lot restrictions. Even MMA is NOT fighting without rules. Elementary. Sukuna has very good stamina, as well as willpower, it’s just... He couldn’t get enough of it. He doesn’t chase fame and success, he’d like to get a thrill from a fight. You can’t just leave training, you can’t do this, you can’t do that. He is simply an excellent virtuoso and improviser who adapts perfectly to the situation, BUT! Only if he WANTS it.

There is a very simple formula: "I can, but I don’t want to. I'm lazy, I'm not interested." Sukuna is not an organized person at all, and if he behaves like this, it is clearly not in good deeds.

3) You can skip this part, but I liked this idea. First I came up with it myself, then I also found headcanons with JJK teachers, everything coincided.

◇It seems to me that Sukuna could become an excellent historian, I don’t know why.. The topic is this: as a cover, he could randomly choose a profession (purely because his history was going well, but he had already improved his dorm life, when he was detained in the police stations for several days)

◇He doesn’t believe in God, but God believes in him, so Sukuna passed the exams well. As I say, he very smart and capable, if only I had the desire.

◇ I’ll quickly go over it:

1) I didn’t want to teach at a university, but at a college - why not. He doesn't like teenagers, but he likes to mock them.

2) He is constantly late for lectures. He swore at his directors when they put the history first. As a result, on Thursday the history is only 50 minutes long.

3) We must give him credit, he talks SO INTERESTINGLY, it’s just crazy. Here you will either listen with your mouth open, or fall asleep to his voice (sorry, I couldn’t resist, phew. In this case, he will come up and knock on the head, like “Who’s there?”) 😭😭😭 (AZAHAZPH)

4) He talks like he went to Moscow with Napoleon, then he judged the Decembrists, then he was in Petrograd at the revolution, then he and Stalin thought about how to defeat the browns, and he also sat together with Goering at Nuremberg... I think there’s no need to even mention the process of battles in the Second World War. He wrote everything down in a notebook while he was in the trench. In general, it's tough.

5) Despite all the charm of the above, he has a terrible memory for dates, so even his students don’t bother with it.

6) Do you want a test? Buy him an expensive bottle of red wine, then he MAYBE will consider your offer (yes, of course he will, he’s just showing off, he’s not interested in that at all)

7) After the first month, the students began to suspect something. You know, mysterious, like a perfume set (russian proverb). Like that same physical education teacher who always hangs out in the back room (local joke...). The smart ones guess, but the smartest ones have already made inquiries, they just remain silent, since Sukuna, in fact, is respected and feared by teenagers (in a good way). It’s a pity that the love is not particularly mutual...Uh.

In general, you understand. But what does he do anyway? He became a teacher in order to divert attention from himself. Decent citizen, but is just some kind of grouch <3

It's time for us to go into his natural environment. Crime)

Here everything is based on:

1. Pleasure, risk

2. Money. Just to live large.

It all started with Uraume (here also Uraume is “they”, so you can consider it either a man or a woman. Whatever you want). According to the canon, Uraume is a cook. It’s the same here, but with a surprise.. In general, Uraume “cooks”, and in Russian, he makes interesting preparations...)))(EMHAJAJAJJAAHPA0, WHAT IS THE PLOT OF “BREAKING BAD”, AZAHAHAHCH I’M DEAD Okay, just give me a chance)

◇Sukuna knew his comrades so well that he learned about Ura’s affairs only after 8-9 years of acquaintance (Forgive him).

◇In short, Uraume cooks well, and also studied at the chemistry department. Uraume had a purely monetary question; they didn’t use their own product (and I don’t advise you to, otherwise you’ll later invent such garbage like I did)

◇ – What is this? - What do you think? Sukuna narrowed his eyes. - And you decided not to tell me about it? - And I didn’t hide it. Just why extra attention to yourself? There was silence in the room. - Listen... - Sukuna, don't- - LET ME FINISH. ◇ Uraume had no options.

◇Every drug dealer needs his own "sportik" (This is what we call those who punish or kill people who hide drugs). Well, you understand, right...?

◇Well, that’s how it started to spin and spin. Moreover, it was Sukuna who opened the doors to the darkest places. Accordingly, he himself stood up very quickly, and even the dog would not dare to growl. Hello, black market. The only problem is hiding all this from the police + there is not enough imagination on how to launder the money, but the business itself is going well and wonderful. Sukuna also managed to be a hired killer in the dark spaces. He lives a very happy life, he likes it. Finally able to use fighting skills. Hooray.

◇ Sukuna once even showed interest in “cooking” while watching Uraume. You will be shocked, but he does a great job. Wow.

◇Well, not really. It seems to me that Sukuna is either a pure humanist, or with an admixture of biology and chemistry (everything was reinforced there along the way). But algebra, geometry, physics - well, no. I was ready to fight to the death with one guy from the faculty of Physics and Mathematics, because they stood and proved what is generally more important in life. I think his name was Gojo...I don't know.

◇ The only thing he can do from this is count money and interest.

◇The same person who will walk into the room, be silent for 5 minutes, and then sigh and “I, you know, what I think...”. He will tell you the whole course of philosophy, and then he will also express his opinion. I advise you to remain silent, not breathe loudly and listen carefully.

◇Law of the universe: if Sukuna is nearby, then with a 99% probability something will fall, break... Or maybe someone...

◇ Law of the universe: if Sukuna is nearby, then with a 99% probability something will fall, break, or break. Or maybe someone..

◇MAKE IT TO THE HIGH FASHION! He really knows how to dress with taste. You can’t tell from him, since Sukuna, like Tyler Durden, destroys everything, but he still understands art, aesthetics and style. And you will find out this in a completely unexpected way.

◇“Combining green and yellow in the interior? What squalor...”

“Mmm... Like Baroque”

◇Prefers dark and deep colors: black, burgundy, red, emerald, purple, ocher, etc.

◇ He loves Japanese painting on clothes, although most often he wears plain ones. But he has one or two kimonos. How is this painting technique... Yuzen?

◇Despite the fact that he has large hands and fingers, he has well-developed fine motor skills (a useful skill))

◇Doesn’t go to the GYM and makes fun of those who go there. Real men should knock out brains and teeth! (He just somehow saw that Gojo and Yuji’s change were going to the gym. That’s where it came from)

◇He, of course, could become some kind of powerlifter, since his physical capabilities allows it, but he doesn’t want to. Does he even want anything other than to kill and ruin the lives of others? (NO)

◇He met Kenjaku through Uraume

◇Sukuna calls Kenjaku a freak and a pervert (f*cked, to be more precise) because of his strange humor (Believe me, Sukuna is not far off, like...Kenjaku jokes about necr0philia, and Sukuna about cannibalism)

◇ I sleep and see: two grandfathers are sitting and trying to tell jokes. Only Uraume is unfunny...

◇Sukuna has some problems with sleep, and it doesn’t matter whether he sleeps a lot or a little, 3 hours or 12. He often dozes. (Sleepy kitty)

◇ Head from school: Sukuna had no friends at all before college, and there’s no point in talking about friends. One against all, all against one. In the last year of study, he changed place of study because he almost threw a classmate out of the window, and he also received a concussion.

◇He hated team games. Do you get upset when you are accused of playing poorly and causing your team to lose? Pf. In the first few games, Sukuna deliberately threw the ball anywhere, and he himself took it away from his team, passing it to another. And it makes no difference which team.

◇ He was not respected, he was feared. And rightly so, they were afraid. He could really kill

◇In fact, his social skills are poorly developed, he simply does not consider it necessary. In college, he got involved with Uraume, and that was enough for him. Cosy.

◇By the way, according to the canon there is no wife or children, it’s the same story. We must pay tribute - he did not touch women, unless he killed them when it was necessary for “work”. Sukuna himself is a very attractive man, but 85% of women were afraid of him, the remaining 15% tried to somehow flirt with him, start communicating, but Sukuna 🤨❓️ then showed such contempt that these women developed complexes for the rest of their lives.

◇ He never took call women (prost|tute), he is above that. He generally has the vibe “woman, keep your hands to yourself”, “don’t embarrass yourself” ◇ He can respect you if:

A) You are very smart

B) You are very strong

C) A and B together

He will definitely praise you if he finds you something interesting about you and your business (unless you are Yuji)

◇You can challenge him, just don’t be too stubborn, keep silent again, otherwise your new accessory will become a crutch.

◇I remembered the phrase of one man: “It doesn’t matter whether you are a woman or a man, I will beat you the same way.” This is he.

◇HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE. This is a constant. Will never take responsibility for another person. The only thing he will do is solve Uraume's problems, or just see how people cope. Independence is the key to a good relationship with Sukuna.

◇Content is content, but let's be honest, according to the canon, Sukuna is a very selective frame. This one is boring and not interesting, but this one is weak, and this one is annoying. In general, you won't please. I don't believe that Sukuna could fall in love with someone at all. It's amazing how most of the people here portray him in fanfiction. Well, he wouldn’t start this “subdue and rule” thing, he would immediately take your head off your shoulders. You should be on an equal footing with him, if not superior. Of course, he will fight for dominance, but he definitely values both physical and mental strength. In this regard, absolutely adequate and objective. The most important thing is to have something to praise for. And when someone crawl on their knees in front of him...Why the hell do you doing, you rag? We figured it out.

◇ At one time he used headphones very often, almost 24/7. Moreover, he turned it on purely for the background, without any purpose.

◇In general, he has no goals, only a path. And he does the right thing.

◇Frequent periods of “I don’t want anything, I won’t do anything.”

◇He has 2 states: either he does nothing AT ALL, sits on his ass, or he is a nightmare to everything and everyone.

◇He knows how to speak civilly, but only during some important negotiations. He himself is taciturn, sometimes he makes some obscene remarks. But once every few months he can give out some beautiful poetic remark. You hit the jackpot (“Moonlight helps me to see better how pathetic you are.” Oh, what a romantic)

◇He doesn’t like sweets, but it seems to me that he would like oriental sweets..Turkish delight)

◇A fan of Japanese and Kazakh food

◇He smells of "oldspice", heavy cologne, tobacco and sweat.

◇If he were an animal, he would definitely be a tiger. One big cat. Predatory, but with grace. Just like that.

◇He rarely responds to messages, but if he does, he gives out such a bunch of text, just so that you get tired of reading it all. He writes very quickly. But then again, in real life he's just quiet and grumpy.

◇A bunch of bad habits. It’s just one bad habit (but we’re not going to give it up, right?)

◇Gege Akutami once mentioned that he liked the performance of K-POP group MAMAMOO, in particular, Hwasa was the main shock. In short, if Yuji likes Jennifer Lawrence, then Sukune’s fatal luxury is Hwasa (I just really love this woman myself). He doesn’t listen to K-pop, he just likes her (hips don’t lie, friends..)

◇He would listen to either rock/heavy metal. I can also bet on darkwave, experimental, or maybe something with traditional Japanese motifs. Or maybe even a classic. Who knows..

◇He constantly carries all sorts of chewing gum with him.

◇It seems to me that he is one of those very people to whom you will say: “I went *somewhere*”, will not glance at you, and will remain sitting on the sofa. But after 30 minutes of your journey you will feel that something is wrong..(he is trailing behind you). Cause? He's bored.

◇ His main mission in life is to scare people until their hearts stop. No, just imagine: you’re standing in the kitchen, not bothering anyone, and suddenly a 2-meter big guy squints and slowly picks up a knife. And then he begins to walk towards you with a medium step. Your actions? (Spoiler: subway surf begins) And for realism, it will even leave a cut on your back. <33333 I luv this man sm

◇He clearly has some kind of jokes with physical contact. Pinches, pokes. Bruises are guaranteed.

◇110% organized all sorts of underground fight clubs.

That's all. The fantasy is over. I caught the cringe and laughed. It was fun and enjoyable.

Thanks

[tyrannosaurus-trainwreck]

Touching back on the “writing good parent-child relationships” thing, I think it’s important to remember that kids are going to have a lot of interests and hobbies and fixations and stuff like that that parents are either going to suffer through or just be extremely confused by, and that’s fine, to be expected, etc. The thing that you’re looking for is that the adult is actively looking for common ground, taking the kid’s interest in the thing seriously, and supporting the kid’s healthy engagement with the thing.

Back in the Before Times, I was going to a lot of live entertainment, and every performance had a certain amount of second or third wheels who were very ??? about the whole thing that they’d just sat through.

The big difference was between the people who acted put out by the whole thing and said shit like “I hope you’re happy, you got to see ______, can we go home now?” and the people who were patently bewildered but keeping a lid on it and asking things like “Did you have fun? What was your favorite part? Do you want to see if they’re doing autographs or selfies at the merch table?”

Like, “I have no idea what the shit I just sat through, but clearly this is speaking to you in a profound and meaningful way and I want to participate as deeply as I can because I love you and this is bringing you joy.”

And of course, if you do this shit to your partner, eventually they’re just going to dump your ass because you’re such a pill about stuff that excites them and life’s too short for that nonsense. If you do this shit to a child in your care, they... can’t really do that until they’re 18. So the lesson they take from interactions like that is not to get too excited about stuff they care about within earshot of you/an adult or not to admit to any interests that you aren’t also very interested in, because they’ll be ridiculed or treated as if they’re annoying for having those interests. It creates this whole raft of communication issues, because the parent becomes a person the child can’t entirely trust to have their back and starts selectively editing themselves around.

It’s a great way to wind up with a parent-child relationship where the kid knows they can come to you for a loan or because they need a ride halfway across the continent or help hiding a body, but they’d never in a million years talk to you about how serious they are about a romantic partner or how bad their seasonal depression disorder actually is or why they quit that “dream job” they had for a few years. If you don’t immediately understand or approve of what the kid’s telling you, you’re going to be a jackass about it and shut them down, and it’s not worth the risk of being vulnerable.

Conversely, the “I have no idea what the hell just happened, but I love you and you seem pretty stoked about it” parents are a great way to wind up with “he’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit” relationships where children feel confident that even if their parents are going to need a few months and some research to understand them, they’re willing and able to put in that effort and can be largely trusted not to dismiss the child’s experiences and desires out of hand. Will their parents be perfect? No, of course not. But their parents are willing to put in the work to meet the child where they’re at, which lowers the risk for the child deciding to trust them with big revelations.

It’s of a piece with parenting relationship advice that I’ve seen before, which is going out of your way to create opportunities for you and your kid to learn together on the same level and to resist the urge to step into the role of an “authority” during those activities. For example, if you’ve never worked with clay before and you and your kid are doing one of those “mommy and me” classes where you make a bowl or a plate or something, you focus on making a bowl with your kid instead of getting sucked into being an unpaid teacher’s assistant because you’re a parent and therefor vaguely In Charge even though you don’t know shit about ceramics and your ersatz authority is solely by dint of being twice as tall as everyone else at the table.

In terms of fiction, it can be useful to delineate between parents that a character can reliably turn to as an Authority (but not necessarily a whole lot else) and parents that a character could conceivably go to for actual life advice.

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 1

Hello all! It's been awhile since I've posted. This post is the result of a favor I did for a friend, where we both wanted to tear Season 5 of Miraculous Ladybug a new one. Normally, I try to avoid that mentality, due to finding it unhealthy... but I've been needing an outlet for some of my anger issues, and took the chance to vent!

I'll be posting one episode a day until I reach the Finale, not counting "Action." Warnings for Profanity, I got REALLY upset while doing the reviews in several places!

Episode 1: Evolution 

Okay, finally started episode 1 of Season 5 and... I already hate this shit. Seriously, leaving the stilted feeling of the dialog, several parts of this set up kinda lowkey piss me off. First off, Hawkmoth just decided to "redo" his whole "obey me, fear me, or else" moment from Origins, and it's... lame. It's not impressive at all. Maybe it's because of something with the writing, I dunno, but the dude is trying way too hard, and I just don't get where the huge crowd came from. Oh, and WHY THE HELL IS THE EPISODE CUTTING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN GABRIEL AND THE HEROES SO MUCH!? It's honestly really distracting from what's going on. Like, perspective cuts to show contrasting views can be interesting... but when you do it FIVE TIMES IN A ROW it just looks stupid as hell. 

Oh, and for some reason the writers seem to be wanting to cram as much dialog as possible into a 2 minute time frame, and it makes them sound like they are speed-reading a script. Where's the passion, the emotion!? I didn't come into this expecting to like this, but this is honestly pathetic. Oh, and FYI Tommy-boy, why the fuck would we want to sympathize with a man who explicitly calls the Kwami "not his prisoners, but his slaves"? News flash, people who unironically address other sapient beings as slaves ARE MEANT TO BE BAD GUYS!!! Blegh... I know I'm benefiting from having knowledge of what comes next, but even discounting how the Kwami come off as wet paper in terms of personality in the scene, expecting us to later sympathize with a guy who is treating them like slaves is all kinds of stupid. Oh, and him establishing that he can order the Kwami around despite having gotten their Miraculouses illegitimately shoots Miracle Queen's depiction of Chloe trying to super-charge herself in the foot. 

Okay... why the fuck is Nathalie saying "maybe there's another way" when he brings up the Rabbit Miraculous? Bitch, this is FAR from the first time he has used time travel to get what he wants and while one of those times it wasn't technically "him" who did it, he still was willing to take advantage of it. Like, why in the world are the writers including this?? Why are they trying to imply NOW, of all times, that Nathalie has a conscience. It's kinda fucking hard to do when she's been portrayed as a cold and uncaring secretary first, and a love-sick accomplice to a LITERAL TERRORIST second. Now she cares? NOW!? Fuck off with that nonsense, we don't need it here. 

Okay, seeing Ladybug and Chat trying to brainstorm how Hawkmoth could've gotten the Miraculouses only for the whole time-travel loop nonsense later to show up behind them... I just... why? Seriously, WHY!? Thomas, please explain, because I don't see the point to this. 

Okay, next up, we get the daily reminder that time travel fucking sucks in the form of Bunnyx bursting onto the scene. Also, the constant "stating the obvious" thing going on is just... how stupid do the writers think the viewers ARE!?? Also, if the episode is implying this is all a big time loop... then how come "Monarch" was able to show up in a prior episode without it immediately changing the timeline and causing Marinette to REMEMBER seeing him while being restrained by Lady Wifi!? Oh yeah, because the writers have no fucking clue how to make the nonsensical inclusion of Time Travel CONSISTENT in this stupid show!! 

Seriously, even if you take into account Bunnyx being more experienced at using the Rabbit Miraculous' powers compared to Hawky-boy, it's STILL AN ALTERATION that Marinette would've seen a portal appear behind Lady Wifi and Hawkmoth start to step out of it. 

Okay, now we get a completely needless exposition dump via Bunnyx regarding how the Rabbit Miraculous and the Burrow work... and I'm already tuning it out because this entire fiasco ignores how Bunnyx was getting ERASED by the Chat Blanc timeline, so this was all kind of a stupid diversion. 

Ugh... "it's you and me, remember" and I'm gagging. On the one hand, good on Ladybug for surrendering a bit of control in this situation... On the other hand, this scene overall just feels needless. And once more we get vaguely defined explanations on time powers. 

Okay, it's blatantly obvious that the writers are just artificially extending the drama here. There is no logical reason why in the world they shouldn't be rushing to grab as many of the Miraculouses as they can off of him, because HE IS NEARLY UNABLE TO MOVE AND CANNOT STOP THEM IF THEY RUSH. Like, they KNOW that he's only weakened so much because he's using too many Miraculouses at once, so why are they giving him the chance to correct that!? Seriously, Tommy, you do not keep drama and tension by doing crap like this. 

And Gabe demonstrates why he's a brain trust by basically stating that he is fully aware of what's currently wrong with him but thinking that shouting "I AM YOUR MASTER!!" will magically produce a different result... if this were meant to be funny, you could probably make it work, but the fact that this is meant to be a serious scene just... no. All the no. This is pathetic. It's EMBARRASSING. Do the writers seriously not get how stupid they are making him look and sound!? 

Again, why the fuck am I supposed to sympathize with a guy who is basically wasting time to throw a tantrum at his slaves/minions when he's been TOLD what's wrong and knows one of the reasons why, all in what boils down to the most selfishly stupid plot in the world? Why? What is it about this pathetic jackass that the writers find sympathetic!? 

And now we finally reach the point I fucking hate the most. See, back in the beginning, as weak as Fu's apparent reasoning on why he thought Marinette and Adrien would make for good heroes anyway was, it was still a reason... and now they are retconning it to be a "because destiny said so" moment. Fuck that. FUCK IT WITH A RUSTY SPOON!! Wasn't the entire fucking point of this whole fiasco being that the timeline gets fucked up when you interfere with events by using the Rabbit?? So why the fuck are they blabbing so much about the future? Okay, no, I get WHY, they need to be able to get to their future in the first place after all... but it's a pretty obvious double-standard in play when you show the heroes more or less ignoring the fact that they are messing with history, without knowing what the consequences will be, when that's the entire fucking reason they are trying to stop the villain in this instance. And I GET that it's a different situation, where they have no choice and are only doing it to stop Hawkmoth, who is doing all this for his own selfishness, BUT IT IS NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED WHEN THEY APPROACH FU THAT THEY ARE INTERFERING WITH HISTORY. 

I just "love" how they bring up "not disturbing the river of time" without acknowledging that this entire SITUATION was one giant "disturbance in the river of time." Ughh... yeah, if I needed any convincing at all that Miraculous is shit at handling Time Travel plots, this would do it. 

This part with Alix is... kinda corny. Like, no issue with Alix wanting to study engineering, but her going "science rocks my boat" just... CRINGE. MUCH CRINGE. Like, I get the intent, but... forgive me if I'm wrong, but have we ever gotten any indicator that Alix and her dad are this close? Also, just... having Alix's dad be read in on this entire situation in general is just... why? On so many levels, WHY!? Knowing what's coming and what he does next just... 

UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This is painful. I am drained just trying to keep my eyes open through this self-congratulatory snore-fest, and it HURTS. And we've entered the end zone of this. Props that they at least ACKNOWLEDGED that Gabriel's tunnel-vision had blinded him to his alleged goal of reviving his wife/healing his wife... but again, WHY IS NATHALIE THE VOICE OF REASON!? Seriously, the lady. Is. A TERRORIST. Heck, this entire fiasco just illustrates how poorly they've thought this nonsense through, since he HAS MADE TIME TRAVELING VILLAINS BEFORE with Timebreaker, and a future Hawkmoth makes Timetagger, so them acting as if having the Rabbit is the be-all, end-all to achieving this goal is just... (Head meets wall) I can't. I'm gonna see it through to the end, but that's where my commentary on this nonsense ends. This is stupidity. 

Uurrgghh... okay, I will bring up one LAST point. Namely, this entire plot could've been avoided IF HE HAD JUST FUCKING SAID HE WAS TRYING TO HEAL HIS WIFE!! Seriously, he has established that time travel is already something he can fucking DO with the Butterfly via Akumas, and he now has the info to repair the Peacock and send it back in time via a USB port (ignoring how the fuck anyone in the past would even be able to use it, since technology CHANGES)... this entire clusterfuck is moronic, absolutely moronic. Gabe, you are a grade-A idiot and a petty piece of garbage. If your "love" meant ANYTHING to you, you wouldn't be getting tunnel vision over a teenager baiting you. Dumbass. 

Also... how the FUCK did Nathalie somehow know that Gabriel chose to engage Ladybug and Chat Noir rather than send the USB drive? Seriously, he didn't mention turning away and trying to attack them first, for all she knows, they attacked him BEFORE he could get the intel to his past self (seeing as they never once told the heroes of their goal, the heroes obviously would try and stop them on the assumption that it's something nefarious), so in this case... she's basically just guilt-tripping the idiot for failing and blaming him for not being unstoppable with a power he's had FOR LESS THAN A FUCKING DAY. If he weren't Gabriel, I would probably hate her for doing this... nah, I still hate her, since this just highlights how much of a self-righteous twit the writers turned her into in the name of making her "sympathetic." Blech.

[thesamoanqueen]

Long enough

Raiting: Nope

Warnings: (hit of smut), nonsense, Roman Reigns, errors after errors after errors after errors after errors...

A/N: (The Rock voice) Somebody got an haircut~ and as @2baddies2furious said Y/N is fuckin traumatized by that thing...

She hadn't answered his texts or calls. And it was weird, because she usually always did, but it could happen when you were about to restart a routine like theirs. He had accepted it, he would see her in the arena and for the next few weeks, a few hours wouldn't be a problem. But the problem had come when a few hours had become the whole morning and going to the catering to retrieve something to eat, he had seen her almost skip a table to leave. He'd tried to figure out what was going on, he'd sent another text asking if she needed a ride that night, but again he'd gotten no answer. He had been looking for her all over the arena and every time he had been about to reach her, she had disappeared and Roman was seriously starting to get nervous.

He had taken a few minutes, reflecting on the week they had spent apart, on what they had said, what they had planned. Nothing in particular had happened and he certainly hadn't done anything to deserve that treatment, but he had to understand what was going through inside that little head of her, because it was clear that there was something underneath.

- Are you avoiding me? – he asked without too many preambles, coming up behind her from one of the side entrances to the arena.

He had seen her from the gorilla, as she went to sit in the empty stands, following Naomi's rehearsals. Usually she would have been at ringside with the twins, at the announce table, on the barricade, ringside, but not this time. From there she would have seen him coming before he even reached the ramp and so Roman had taken the long route, rounding corners and climbing ladders as he had done so many times early in his career on the federation's main roster, to catch her by surprise. And he had managed to judge by the small jump Y/N had made at hearing his voice.

He saw her try to stand, her eyes still on the ring and he sat her back, without letting go. She wasn't going to run anywhere there and they'd have plenty of time to sort this out.

- Lemme go – he heard her complain, tugging to get free.

- Y'serious? You run away from me? - he asked again incredulously.

He knew something was wrong and in somekind of way knew it was about him too, but he didn't really believe she was avoiding him or that she would kick just by standing next to him. Y/N wasn't a woman to make a scene, but now she wasn't even fucking looking at his face!

- Roman, lemme go. Cmon.

- No way. Look at me! What happened? Why are you avoiding me? - he insisted, while she huffed, stubbornly watching the simulations from the giant monitor.

- Im not avoiding you, dont be dramatic – she muttered, her mouth wrinkling like a kid.

Dramatic? He wasn't exaggerating, he could have, but he wasn't. He knew how to behave with her, he knew when to insist and when to give her space, but that story had nothing to do with it. It made no sense and he had every reason to ask explanations because as much as Y/N meant otherwise, she was avoiding him.

- So look at me – he pressed her and he saw her biting her lip. - Y/N look at me – he repeated seriously, pulling her a little by her arm and she struggled again, curling up against the arena seat.

- No.

- No? Won't you look at me but everything is fine!

God, why did she have to drive him crazy?

- Its your hair… - she whispered with an exasperated expression and Roman leaned next to her, one eyebrow raised and his brow furrowed. Had she spoken?

- What?

- Its your hair! You've cut your hair! - she snapped annoyed and for a second Roman stared at her not knowing what to say.

She hadn't really said that. Seriously? All cause he cut his hair?!

Suddenly, his nervousness seemed to slip away from him and he let go his grip, running both hands over his face, laughter rumbling in his chest as he tried to recover from the stunt.

Y/N loved his hair. She was always there to watch him when he wet them before matches, to laugh when he trained and some strands ended up out of place, she loved turning them between her fingers when they were in bed together and he had to admit it, feeling her scratch his head had become one of the quickest methods to knock him out or relax him, but this… they were talking about hair, they would grow back and they werent even that short, but she wasn't thinking about it because she was refusing to even turn around.

- And am I the dramatic one? – he chuckled sarcastic, seeing her get impatient and point her eyes annoyed at the empty stands in front of them.

She still insisted on not looking at him and Roman understood by now. He just had to convince her to be good for two seconds.

- I can be as dramatic as i want! Dont tell me what to do and dont-no! Don't dare you Roman! - she stopped him, fighting against his hands that tried to make her turn to look at him in every way.

- Look at me.

- I don't want to! - she fought back, parrying hers in front of her face when he put her on his lap.

- Be a good girl and look at me. No, put down this hands, down… baby girl.

Y/N gave him an annoyed groan, more to vent her frustration than to dissuade him, she knew she could no longer continue that skit and at his last call she finally convinced herself, dropping her arms to peek at him with a grimace. Roman watched her silently, an amused grin tugging at his lips as he felt her finally relax and her eyes studied him more closely. She was so ridiculously serious and if they weren't in the center of the bleachers, with people ringside that could have seen them, he probably would have pulled her over to just take that look off her face in his own way.

- Am I that bad? Whatcha say? - he inquired defiantly, while she held back the smile that wanted to appear on her face, due to his arrogance, with a grimace.

She was terrible and she was trying hard not to let him win even though she had already given in, but it was a lost match now.

- They're a little bit short - she muttered on purpose and Roman nodded seriously, taking a few seconds before looking at her again.

- Long enough for you to pull when I eat your pretty pussy. Your Tribal Chief have been careful, don't worry.

- My what-oh my!

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyanross @wickedsunfire @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @thiccc-rider-mcintyre @keybladeofsteel @iovereigns @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @gobbersworld @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @civildawn @romanmydaddy @raidenandreigns @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @itjazzbicch @ichdrachenfrau @darqchilddaydreamz @meggylynnloves @mariamheeeeee @vintage-pvssy @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @niknakbucks92 @wrestlezaynia @reignsx @reignsxroman @kianaleani @daguenoire @extra-11 @josphinna @thedonsfactory @snowpanda18 @nestorsgirlfriend @namjoonspinkytoenail @tribalchiefreigns @daddyslittlevillain @2baddies2furious

[bcofl0ve]

I'm seriously asking why do they hate Kaia so much that every time she breathes they make negative comments? Did she do something to Austin that made him feel embarrassed? or something else? bc I see this hatred is so forced.

i've been kicking about the fandom for 2+ years now and haven't quite figured that out myself lol. if you ask *them* she's an embarrassment to him, but their proof of that comes from the voices in their head. nor do i really buy the "well cindy crawford bad!" excuse either. we don't choose our parents. kaia is her own person, who yes has privileges bc of her parents, but is very clearly trying to be known for herself. if you put cindy's career trajectory side by side with hers, it's already quite different. if anything i'd wager austin thinks the whole library science thing is pretty damn cool. i know i'm proud of how it's all developed and i'm just a fan!

the blunt truth is that she committed the mortal sin of being the reason austin isn't single. the people who spend every waking hour shitting on her would hate anyone that made him "unavailable", nepo baby or not. they can deny this until they're blue in the face, but it's true. if he ever does get with anyone else they'll all put their foot in their mouths about how it was /kaia/ alone that was the issue and i'll be there with a bull horn screaming i told you so!! lmao.

*but* (assuming you're a newer fan, sorry if i'm wrong and you're not!) as someone that has been here for a while i will say it's gotten significantly less hostile towards her in the fandom as a whole. the last half of 2022 i would go as far as saying it was the popular opinion to be snarky about her. i rib one of my very best fandom friends, who adores kaia as much as i do now, for her tweets in dec 2022 when austin went to the celine show w/ her family (after a couple weeks where we thought they might have split) bc what she was saying then doesn't even sound like it's coming from the same person haha. there used to be someone kinda like the club chalamet lady in the twitter fandom that eventually got bored and left which helped cool the temperature.

but i also think most people either a) came around or b) started keeping their snark to themselves around january 2023, when kaia popped up around award show events to support him (there's a veryy cute video of them kissing after he won his golden globe, will reblog it later) and went with him to lisa marie presely's funeral. both things which made it clear that maybe, just maybe she wasn't the unserious little model fling some people thought she might be. there were a few fucking insane loonies who whined about how he should've brought his sister to the funeral, but they were very much a minority and got told off for that nonsense.

[doctor-ciel]

Man though, because L's whole arc regarding shinigami is so fascinating but I've never seen anyone talk about it, although I'm sure people do.

Because like, what did he think was going on? When he first started the case, what did he think was going on? Probably something similar to what the people at the ICPO meeting were talking about, that someone had elaborately put things together so that they could remotely give their victims heart attacks. Crazy and elaborate, but possible.

But then they're able to kill Lind L. Taylor, so however they do it doesn't require any sort of physical tampering on Kira's part. They can just do it on command with anyone, anywhere.

We the audience know that it's something supernatural, but how soon does L accept that? I don't imagine very quickly. I'm not even sure how soon he'd even entertain the idea. Compare how he talks about finding out how they kill during the broadcast (playful) versus how he talks about shinigami once he knows he's dealing with them (afraid). I think at that point he still thinks that it's some sort of advanced technology.

Light's experiments make it undeniable, though, by controlling his victims' actions before they die. Plus the message he leaves for him, "L, do you know?", would have definitely caught his attention because at that point the thing L would've wanted to know the most is how Kira kills. Then the next message is "gods of death," his only hint at what the answer to the question is. The nonsense last message trolls him for ever having taken the messages seriously, but this still means that even if he has to second-guess himself, he now has shinigami on his mind.

This itself causes a huge change in L as a character. He has to change how he thinks about the world, his line of work, everything really in order to solve the case. This also means humbling himself to the fact that he was wrong about something, and is now in unfamiliar territory. Or, alternatively, that if it turns out this isn't something supernatural, that he was crazy enough to think that it was. Either way, he can't come out of this with the same view of himself he had before of being someone who was always right.

This is why he reacted the way he did when Misa's broadcast mentioned shinigami, even though I do think his reaction was overblown for drama (and this is coming from someone who is actually willing to suspend my disbelief for most of death note's dramatic moments, yes even the potato chip scene). But it makes sense for him to be scared, because it is now the second time shinigami have shown up in relation to Kira's power, and it's from a second unrelated person.

And I love the look he gives Light when he says that "shinigami" is probably a code word. Because on the one hand, L was probably thinking the same thing, that "shinigami" could have been a reference to the supernatural nature of Kira's powers rather than the actual explanation for them. But on the other hand, at this point he strongly suspects Light, so to me the look he gives him means something along the lines of "of course you would say that." His prime suspect trying to divert attention away from a shocking part of the second Kira's broadcast is going to be a little suspicious.

This is also the first time he's shared his shinigami idea, and he got pushback against it from the rest of the task force. That's going to add to the self-doubt. And yes, he says he agrees with them that they're not real, but this wouldn't be the first time that he's said something to go along with everyone else while silently still holding his own conclusions.

This is also part of why he fell into a slump after Light and Misa lost their memories. It wasn't just that he had turned out to be wrong (as I've pointed out here he's long since been doubting himself and grappling with the new revelation that he can be wrong about things), although having been wrong about Light and Misa as well as everything else does contribute to the loss of motivation. To me, though, it mostly has to do with the fact that it has just become clear to him that no matter what he does, there is only so much he can do to try and work against forces that are beyond his comprehension, let alone control. He doesn't know where to begin in salvaging the investigation because he doesn't even know what is happening. He says he's depressed because he was wrong, but he also says that he knows for certain that, even if they aren't right now, Light and Misa were Kira. This means his slump comes from not being able to prove it, and from being wrong about Kira's power.

At this point his theory is that the power transferred away from them and to someone else, and that they possibly lost their memory too (or else they are acting). Because you know, why not? Can you imagine L making a theory like this at the start of the show? The fact that he is making a theory like this in seriousness shows how much he's changed, what he's willing to believe, and also how willing he is to be wrong (because you can't tell me that he thinks the theory has any concrete supporting evidence besides "fuck it, anything goes at this point"). He has now fully thrown himself into the school of thought that everything that is happening is supernatural and beyond his control.

So now that they're in murky waters of what is possible... what about that shinigami theory? He feels it's safe enough again to bring it up around the others while they watch Higuchi in the car. This time, it makes even more sense than during Misa's broadcast. Higuchi's clearly talking to somebody that they can't see. And now L is on the path again to being right about something for once.

Then he holds the Death Note in his hands and is totally, absolutely vindicated. And he is not scared to look at the shinigami. Everyone else screams when they see Rem, but L has been thinking about shinigami for a long time. Whether or not they exist has come to represent to him if his ideas can be trusted or not, so to see one now he's actually happy.

And then there are the rules in the notebook. The thing about the rules is that they give clear-cut, hard rules about what can and can't be done with it, which is exactly the kind of stability that L has been missing for a long time in the investigation, the kind of thing that could determine once and for all, with hard evidence, whether or not Light and Misa were ever Kira. Light was banking on that, knowing how L works and that not only would he not question rules like that, he would want them to be true in order to have that stability.

But L has changed a lot. He only had his whole theory about shinigami in the first place because he was willing to consider impossible things. This whole time he'd been struggling to believe in a theory that no one else wanted to entertain. While the others are discussing the 13 day rule, L is stacking a tower of containers, coming closer and closer to putting the pieces together and saying what he's thinking. What if...

If they're dealing with supernatural forces, they can't know anything for certain about it. He knows that better than anyone, he's spent his whole arc coming to terms with the fact that he does not and probably never will fully understand what he's dealing with. Therefore, they have no way to know for sure that those rules are real. If he could believe shinigami exist, he can entertain the possibility that the rules are fake. And if it is a possibility, then Light and Misa aren't cleared, at least not to him, and they could still be investigated.

But he stops right before finishing the tower - before finishing his thought. He lets them go. I think this was done partly because he gave in to the stability the rules gave him, but also partly because of pressure from the rest of the task force. I could write a meta about how they actually peer pressure him into doing things a number of times, but that's for another day.

He's back to doubting himself again, which becomes especially clear in the scene on the roof. "I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it." (In the sub he says "please don't believe any of it," which is even more interesting. Like he's asking Light not to go mad like he has)

He's proven right in the end though, right as he dies. It's a very satisfying end to his story. He changes from someone who always knew he was right, to being afraid of the things he didn't know, to adapting and allowing himself to work with the unknown, and being rewarded with validation that he was right all along, despite everything.

I also think it's fitting that his last words are "the shiniga-". "Shinigami" was the last word he ever said, showing how he was trying to understand them up until his death; but he gets cut short, showing how he never had the chance to learn everything about them, or even to test the 13 day rule. If you really want to stretch you could say that trying to learn about and understand shinigami and the death note is what got him killed. On the other hand, though, the fact that he was in a situation where he was able to understand what was happening, and say the words "the shinigami" and know what and who he's talking about, is a testament to how much progress he made in the investigation while he was alive.

All of this is to say that Death Note is actually a cosmic horror story from L's point of view.

[mirrorhoppingdays]

not me and portrayal of twinship

Be forewarned, this is long as hell.

Normally when I think about writing about media depictions of twins (as a highly opinionated twin), two things stop me. One, nobody cares. Seriously, most people actively want to avoid understanding twins' point of view. It's my overwhelming experience. Two, it's just too much to delve into and I have thoughts about every little thing. I would digress until I became overwhelmed. But I think it might actually work to discuss this one facet. It might connect with a few people because fandom types are often actually interested in novel points of view and the emotional landscapes of others. And if I only talk about this one show that narrows things for me in a helpful way. So here goes.

As soon as Not Me starts with episode 1, there is an item on the balance sheet. We begin with the idea that twins can feel each others' feelings and feel when the other is seriously injured. We see this in Black & White's childhood and then again when White returns to Thailand after many years away. So, psychic twin connections. I'm both highly militant and oddly patient when it comes to twin depiction stuff. I don't love the psychic thing, but that's the variety of twinship media nonsense I'm willing to take on board *if* it's done well and it's worthwhile. When you begin a story about twins with a psychic connection and make it a central feature of your plot, you've essentially borrowed goodwill from me. If you squander it, then your balance will come due and you'll be left owing. If you use it well, I'll forgive the loan. So we start not on a bad note, but with higher stakes.

Pretending-to-be-one's-twin plots work okay for me. Why? Because as much as they might rely on twin resemblance, they can't work without the twins being different, whole people. That shouldn't be considered a positive because all characters should begin as whole people, but we know that doesn't always happen in general and it certainly doesn't always happen with twins.

We begin a whole big chunk of the story where the crux may be that White is sort of undercover as his own brother, but twinship isn't actually at issue much at all. It's about deception and risk, not twin connection or twinship. We do get constant reminders that White and Black are very different, and we get a lot of White trying and only kind of succeeding at pretending.

One thing that rings true to me is that he doesn't actually have to do all that great a job of pretending. If you don't know somebody has a twin, and to some extent even if you do, as a human being you'll default very hard to this-is-the-same-person. It's just necessary in every moment of our lives that we're not dealing with identical twins, so it's necessary to lean that way. Also, as a twin I know very well that the majority of people are highly unobservant about a great many things. And it's not like these guys have any reason to think this is some other guy, though it would have been a note of realism if at some point at least one of them had gone wait, is Black reporting on us to the cops or something because he's acting sketchy. They do point out that he's being weird, so that base is partially covered.

I did some Tumblr poking around before I was done watching, so I saw a few spoilery things. Thanks partly to that, I couldn't help but hope that Sean figured out comparatively early that White was not Black. That would have been kind of thrilling to see, honestly, as a twin. But I certainly understand how that might not happen, and I also see the efficacy (to the plot) of having him not figure it out too quickly. It's more interesting if he doesn't know right away.

Clearly Tumblr world loves memeing about how Black woke up from his coma when, possibly because, White hooked up with Sean (I'll be more coy in my wording than some). Twin-rep-wise, that's a wash to me, neither better or worse than the psychic connection trope. I'm already tolerating the psychic stuff, and I can't say it's not an interesting plot point. If you need Black to wake up, when else would it be? It probably borrows a little more goodwill, but again that's stakes rather than a deficit.

As someone who remains skeptical of the psychic twin connection trope, I will say this. The particular way Black wakes up kind of shows the absurdity of the whole conceit. I'm cool with it because this is melodrama and it *should* be bonkers, but it goes to show what you're playing with when you invoke that trope.

This is when stuff gets interesting, to me but I assume to everybody. White and Black are both running around in the world of the show, and crucially they're also interacting with each other. And some of what happens is honestly pretty great twin-rep-wise. I really have to hand it to writer/director Nuchy Anucha Boonyawatana—she must be a pretty empathetic, intuitive person. (Along with her cowriters.) She seems to have made an effort to put herself in both Black and White's shoes in a real human way. Like, well beyond what the story would require.

I wanted to avoid digressing too much, but I want to go back to the very first moment in the entire show. In that brief scene, White looks in a dark, foggy mirror and says these words in voiceover: “When you see somebody who looks precisely like you, every part of his body resembles yours, you must feel really strange. But for me, it’s special. I call that specialness ‘twins.’”

When I saw this scene, I won’t say I knew this would be a thoughtful treatment of twins. But I did find it promising. Part of what annoys me about being a twin is how non-twins, aka singletons, think that being a twin is great because on some level they think of their hypothetical twin as an extension of themselves. Your twin is not you, and your twin is not part of you. Your twin is a human being, and like any other human being in the world there are some moments and some ways when they can seem utterly unknowable, foreign, unfathomable.

Back to the point in the story where I left off.

There’s a big twin moment near the end of episode 9: White is confronted in Black's apartment by an unknown figure, only to find that it's his brother. White’s voiceover tells us what he's thinking, and he calls back to that brief beginning scene. Now that I’ve gone back to look at both moments, I can say that they’re very similar in length and rhythm. So I suspect our writer/director was not only deliberate about the echo but also exacting in how both moments play out.

White’s voiceover says: “I’d always imagined the day I’d see my brother again. It’s supposed to be a heartwarming moment. But now it’s happening. It’s surprisingly frightening. It’s as though I’m meeting my doppelgänger.” Of course this is a translation, but it’s worth noting that you can hear actor Gun Atthaphan saying “doppelgänger,” so you know there isn’t a ton of poetic license on the part of the translator here.

White and Black exchange some awkward pleasantries, and then Black echoes White, saying "You look so much like me, it’s creepy.”

If I hadn’t seen my twin in ten years (especially at that age), it would have been very surreal even if that person weren’t as menacing as Black seems to be. It’s just that there are dimensions to twinship that fade in your mind when you’re not actively engaged with them. I assume that regular degular siblings can experience this in partial ways or in flashes, but I don’t have any of those so I can only guess. Seeing your twin after a long time apart isn’t somehow magical in a good or a bad way. But your twin carries all the powerful associations of any close family member along with a similarly large number of associations to your own identity.

I chase catharsis in media, but I don’t usually experience it strongly. But there can be a catharsis in recognition of self, and that’s what I get from these moments. To be clear, I don’t feel some profound otherness when I interact with my sister. She’s a sweetheart and I feel very close to her. But the twin experience, for me at least, connects strongly and meaningfully to some very basic aspects of my human existence. The fact that one is a little bit alone even in the closest togetherness. The fact that other people are never fully knowable. The fact of my own identity and how its boundaries aren’t quite as firm and distinct as I might pretend they are. How much I need connection. The way so much about my perceptions and actions can be strongly influenced by others in ways I’m totally unconscious of. Some of this may sound hokey! But it’s difficult to express it any other way.

Moving on. White goes to meet their mother as Black, and just as their conversation is ending she makes it clear she knows who he really is. You might think that bit is meaningful to me, but it doesn’t strike a stong chord. Parents can tell their twin children apart, yes. Would it be harder after ten years? Assumably. What is it supposed to mean about her that she can? I don’t know; I’m not a huge fan of hers.

Black encounters Sean and is incredibly cruel to him, beats him, and it sucks. It annoys me to heap praise on actors for playing twins—actors play different roles all the time and that’s just doing two of them in the same project—but I have to admit that Gun Atthaphan not only does a great job playing dual roles, but a good job playing twins specifically. In a way it’s hard to understand now, having seen what we have as the audience, how Sean could fail to see that this isn’t “his” Black. But he doesn’t, because there’s no way anything else is possible according to what he knows about his world.

Sean sees White-as-Black again as White saves him from sketchy mercenary types, and then tries repeatedly to confront him. White doesn’t really explain and Sean doesn’t come to an obvious epiphany. But when Sean sees Black again, something has clicked. He attempts the trust fall White showed him and Black just stares on contemptuously. Black is smoking “again.” And we get to another big twin moment. This is episode 12.

Sean gets it. He says “You’re not the Black that I love.” He handcuffs himself to Black. They have an oddly realistic fight that involves various uncomfortable wrestling positions. And he says “You have a twin brother?” Black denies it, Sean insists repeatedly. And you see Black’s face change from contempt to anger as he says “Don’t you get close to my little brother again.”

This is a fun, climactic moment. It is, of course, adorable that Sean insists he won’t stay away from White, and honestly pretty adorable in an extremely grumpy way that Black is being protective. (Here again Gun is very convincing. For such a small, baby-faced guy he is genuinely menacing as Black.)

The moment is also true to my experience, though the only direct connections I can make aren’t exactly similar in circumstances. If your social world intersects heavily with that of your twin, there really are particular moments in many romantic relationships and even in many close friendships where the other person will sort of take a twin inventory with you. They don’t go on a spiel about how you’re cooler than your twin (unless maybe they suck as a person), they probably don’t even compare you exactly. But each person has to come to their own realization because (often at least) while they knew you and your twin are different people, they had to learn it all over again on another level. And they want you to know they perceive it.

There are smaller iterations of this phenomenon where people will emphatically tell you that while they have been able to tell you apart in the past, *now* they don’t even think of you as looking the same, now they can’t imagine how anybody *ever* confuses you. It’s not like this happens every single time I get to know every single person, but it’s so common in its broad strokes that I feel confident saying that the people around me and my sister share some common experiences in how they perceive us. And a change comes at a certain point that’s compelling enough that people are motivated to talk about it, try to make you understand.

Anyway, while this is a phenomenon that happens around me rather than to me, Sean’s insistence strikes a chord.

Sean finds White. White does a totally accidental trust fall, and it’s pretty cute.

White... decides to halfway drown himself to “remind [Black] of [their] connection”? Which makes some intuitive sense in the moment even if it sounds a bit silly. And is a little. Black finds him, they talk, Black concludes that he can’t stop White from staying with the group, going on their mission, and being with Sean. White stops Sean from going to the drug warehouse alone, at which point he says something that rings true for me as well. He explains why he hesitated to stay part of things, and says “I thought it wasn’t my place.”

When Black returned and demanded his phone, demanded White go away and not see the gang anymore, White went along with that because in a real way that was valid. White had genuine reasons for essentially stealing Black’s life, but that is what he did. White is an empathetic sweetheart so while he did get used to Black’s world he does feel guilty and out of place suddenly. But now he sees that things have changed, and he can’t go back to before all this happened. And of course he’s in loooove, so there’s that as well.

Then White tells the other dudes who he is (except for Gumpa, who knew the whole time) and it takes them a while to believe him. But when they do, they immediately do the twin inventory with him, saying how did I not see this earlier, etc.

They do their attempted heist, loads of shit goes wrong, they fall from various frying pans into various fires for a good while. They get away, things settle down. Sean does the twin inventory with White again and insists he’s completely able to tell White and Black apart now.

Then we have my final twin moment. White says he knows Black won’t be returning to the group. “Nobody wants to live in someone else’s shadow,” he says. “My brother sacrificed this role for me.”

This rings true for me. As a twin, you never want to think of yourself as interchangeable with your sibling. But at the same time many relationships and groups don’t have room for each of a pair of twins to feel comfortable. It’s not like you have to come up with some legalistic scheme for who “owns” a social group or anything like that. But at least in my sort of twin relationship, you’re never going to have a symmetrical relationship with a third person or a social circle. Even if you each have the same degree of connection to the same person, it’s different. And I can’t say it’s ever really been the same. One has always been closer, or more comfortable, or something.

Well, if you can believe it that’s not everything I could have said. But it’s a lot, and if you made it to the end I thank you. In case it doesn’t go without saying, I did find it worthwhile to indulge the psychic twin trope. What I got out of Not Me was worth the latitude.