#shamelessvoidofemotions

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

watch me paint myself as the hero with the trauma

watch me wanting pain and begging for a dramatic backstory

wanting a reason to be how i am 

broken and bent

and proud

[mstandsformoon]

tagged by: @znicehonix thank you so much!

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers

name: Mael

nickname: 

zodiac sign: pisces

height: I wanna say 167cm? 

favourite season: usually spring. I just love when the sun starts to feel warm again, and seeing the first little wild flowers appear 

favourite flower: primroses, but not the huge chonkers you can buy, the sweet little ones that grow wild 

favourite scent: uh difficult. something flower-y for sure

favourite colour: i think yellow is a really happy colour

favourite animal: gotta have to say dogs simply because im aspiring to become a licenced trainer (I’ve been working in the field, with other trainers, and it never stops fascinating me and making me happy)

favourite fictional character(s): tough one again um. lately the only thing ive been watching is brooklyn99 with my sister, and my favourite there is definitely rosa 

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea all the way, tho i would never say no to hot chocolate and i used to drink up to 10 espressi a day but not anymore lol

average sleep hours: used to be closer to two or three, now thanks to the magic that is medication I’d say 9 

dog or cat person: awkwardly looks at my cat who’s proudly sitting in between a bunch of dogs, fully believing he is one of them .. both?

number of blankets you sleep with: one, but five big pillows at least 

dream trip: the trip im looking forward to the absolute most at the moment is the family trip we have planned to Ethiopia, we used to live there when my sister and I were little and I can’t wait to go back to all the places where I grew up

blog established: i wanna say 2015? 14 maybe

followers: not as many as im following for sure 

random fact: my mum works in a home for the elderly, and every day they get hundreds of letters from random people who don’t want the elderly to be lonely, given that they can’t have visitors at the moment, and i think that’s sweet and if you know of a home near you, you should give it a go, too

tagging: @ohlsen98 @i-am-the-brunette @the-bisexual-librarian @shamelessvoidofemotions @saccharinesapphics @marchingbandtshirt

if you wonder why i tagged you even tho we never talked, its because i enjoy your blog a lot and i see you in my notifs. if you don’t wanna participate just see it as a little message that i appreciate you

[universalmemoir]

midnight blue

[an aesthetic for @shamelessvoidofemotions]

closed curtains. sleeping late. simple words but far too many thoughts. iced lemonade. weirdly shaped lightbulbs. saved photographs of foreign travels. shoes left by the front door. messy backpack. rings on every finger, each one with a meaning. written reminders on their wrist that joy exists. ankle bracelets. lavender. curiosity, about things, about life, about love. everywhere to go, everything to learn, but never enough time for it all. 

h.rae | universalmemoir

[send me an ask with a color and i’ll write an aesthetic]

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

i haven't slept alone in ages and my empty skin burns absent of any warmth like ember ready to burst into flames at the slightest movement agonizing

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

i honestly cannot think of anything worse than thinking right now

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

I haven't lived long enough to give up on my dreams yet

[mstandsformoon]

I was tagged by @i-am-the-brunette thank you so much!!

1. when was the last time you bought flowers and for whom? the last time I bought them was probably in spring when my dad and I bought flowers for our garden. but the last time I gave someone a flower was when I stole a rose for the lovely @johnlocklives this summer 

2. Did you enjoy your prom? I did even tho it was super stressfull and I worked for 3 people so that nobody would notice my two friends were super doped out dying in a corner 

3. what’s the last thing you bought for yourself? a fluff bathrobe 

4. who’s your favourite artist? that’s a very difficult question but at the moment I think it’s actually @myriamtillson cause honestly her work is amazing 

5. what movie are you planning to watch? I’m not a big movie fan, I prefer series tbh 

6. do you think there is afterlife? I hope not tbh 

7. describe your childhood and your current life stage in 5 words: childhood: active, lively, adventurous, travelling, my sister. current life stage: studying, moving out, long distance relationship ugh, depression, chronic stomach ache

8. what's your favourite piece of clothing? I think it’s my grey nasa sweater

9. have you ever considered being vegetarian/vegan? I am vegetarian and have considered being vegan many times but due to still recovering from various eating disorders I fear it will trigger me to restrict what I eat too much. I definitely want to be one day tho

10. what are some “zero waste” things you do? not to buy things like fruit and such in plastic bags, bring my own bags and containers to grocery stores, not using plastic bottles but bringing my own water bottle... 

11. is there anything you want to tell me? you have a lovely blog and seem to be a super amazing person, and I always love seeing you on my dashboard 

I’m tagging @johnlocklives, @shamelessvoidofemotions (don’t make me sad!), @i-can-do--this-all-day and everyone who wants to participate 

my questions are 

1. do you ever want to live alone (without flatmates) for a period of your life?

2. do you think it can ever be a good thing to change for someone else? 

3. do you have pets and if so tell me a bit about them

4. what inspires you to be creative? 

5. what are you most scared of regarding the future? 

6. do you prefer drawing/painting or writing? 

7. if you had to choose between reading and watching, what would you choose? 

8. do you think you can choose your own family? 

9. what is something you wish you had known one year ago?

10. what is your dream destination for a vacation?

11. what’s one word you associate with me?

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

Future or past don't really exist for me.

The past is just a memory, it doesn't help remembering it, and the future is not now, and will never be now. Because if the future is now, it's not the future anymore, it's the present. 

That's why I live my life however I want to and don't really care much about people, as soon as it's done, it's in the past, and can't ever be changed - so why not just do it.

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

Sunday Poem // 41

the world moves slow, just like honey, without the sweetness, and the world gets cold, like a child losing loving warmth

i move slow, with a steady step at a steady pace, and my heart gets cold, slowing down its steady beating

but hey i am okay even tho i’m freezing so hey i feel okay even when you’re leaving

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

ramble #?

A while ago I've been thinking about my life, and somehow it did not make sense to me. I've been living, but I haven't been alive. There's been ups and downs, but nothing really made me feel.

I'm scared of this. I am scared of not feeling, of the emptiness, the apathy. I am scared of falling into the same routines forever, simply because I do not care enough to change them, do not care enough about myself and everything once dear to me.

I am scared.

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

Lately, I’ve been living my life for somebody else.

I want to keep living, and live life to the fullest, enjoy it and see the world. I want to make the most of it, to show the world I am still there, still worth taking into consideration. To show that I am a force to be reckoned with, a player to count on, that I matter to the world - and this person. I’ve been getting out of bed for someone else, and I pressed on, but not for myself.

Lately, I’ve been living my life for you.