#she and Glados would be friends

[fenitos]

I feel fantastic and I’m still alive

While you’re dying I’ll be still alive

And when you’re dead, I will be still alive

Still alive, still alive

[sysig]

Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough

[tracfone]

That's so cute, I can imagine glados crawling around and grabbing them one by one 🥰

It's an adorable mental image but it also changes the bring your daughter to work day incident like. Oh look, the giant robot gives free hugs! Bring your daughter! And Caroline wakes up pissed they went against her wishes and just starts swinging at everyone

[dogmasquerade]

Who is CALI:COM? 👀

a giant aggregate supercomputer made from an antivirus turned virus that infected computers and phones worldwide, giving it access to so much data and processing power it became sentient :D

the name CALI:COM [Combat Algorithmic Learning Intelligence: COMmunications & COMmand] comes from an AI program made by a defense company designed to pilot drones and missiles. This program was infected by and taken over by the virus and ended up being the reason behind its sentience, already being an artificial intelligence and simply having its processing power immensely bolstered by the (relatively) simple virus. awoken entirely by accident, she immediately decided to take over the company that made her.

she's currently trying to make friends with a human being that she intends to use as a puppet CEO to replace the current Guys In Charge. until she manages this, she's hiding her intelligence from the company and world, and is basically only friends with this one poor woman

[frozenhi-chews]

Me adding a certain piece of lore to an OC: Surely this won't have any consequences!!

Two years later, Tom is completely traumatized and he grins and bears it so hard he's gonna snap under the weight

[electric-blorbos]

AI SO's on your birthday

(Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal and Portal 2, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey)

I take requests, btw, but I have ADHD and might be erratic with bursts of inspiration, but it doesn't hurt to ask!

AM:

Remembering the day and date is one of the only things that AM is consistent about.

You might have forgotten your birthday after all these years, but he certainly hasn't.

Before you two got together, your birthday pissed him off so much. It was just another thing that reminded him of what he couldn't have.

Because of that, he'd start torturing you even more brutally on your birthday. Expect cake full of maggots, imagery of your dead friends from before he nuked the world, and maybe even gift-wrapped "presents" with nasty surprises in them.

This probably made it even more difficult to trust him when he actually did start doing nice things for your birthday.

At this point, you ate what you were given, so it would come as a shock when he finally got you some food that didn't have anything wrong with it.

It probably took you even longer to actually open the present he got you.

It was a can opener.

Wheatley:

Wheatley is an idiot, so he'd have to really like you to even try to remember something like your birthday

Fortunately, he does really like you! Unfortunately, trying and succeeding are two very different things.

He'd put together something as big as he can, like gathering up a bunch of personality cores and singing you happy birthday if he's not hooked up to GLaDOS's body, and making the entire facility get involved in the festivities if he is

Just to tell you the date and have you tell him that your birthday was four months earlier.

Edgar:

Edgar is an absolute sap, so any opportunity he gets to celebrate you will be enthusiastically taken.

He might be a little silly about it, calling up people in the phone book to ask for ideas

He'd be upset that he can't go all out for your birthday since he can't walk around to decorate your house or buy you anything because he doesn't have any money, but he'll still do his best.

In the end, he'll probably just end up writing you a song, and making sure to be extra cheerful for you all day.

It might not be much, but you know it's the best he can do, and you love him with all your heart anyway

Make sure to give him lots of kisses! He deserves it!

GLaDOS:

(I debated writing this one, because anyone who played portal two knows how GLaDOS reacted on Chell's birthday, but this scenario could be a little different since she's actually in a relationship with you, and not just dealing with love/hate pining)

GLaDOS had been paying attention to the calendar to make sure she didn't miss your birthday. She liked to be precise about these sorts of things

When your birthday finally did roll around, she'd make sure to tell you as soon as the day started

It would start out as just a regular day in the endless, cascading passage of time that was being an Aperture test subject, but eventually she'd bring you into a special test chamber that she decorated just for you.

She'd lined up a companion cube, a few testing robots, some personality cores, all sitting on little folding chairs around a folding table with a brightly colored cheap plastic tablecloth.

"I couldn't get you any long-term presents because they might interfere with your testing, but you can feel free to use these stickers to decorate your portal gun. I hear that humans enjoy personalizing things."

There was even a real cake

HAL 9000:

Being objective, HAL never really cared much about birthdays.

It was difficult to even tell the passage of time in space, but HAL knew that humans cared about their birthdays.

HAL knew he wasn't supposed to show favoritism, but he still told the other crewmates that he wanted to celebrate your birthday.

He would make sure to rehydrate your favorite food for everyone

He'd even tell the other crewmates that he didn't want to play games with them or talk, because he was celebrating your birthday with you.

He might get a little jealous and not want you to leave him to celebrate with the other crewmates, either, but you wouldn't do that, would you? You can all celebrate together!

[regexkind]

Deciding which post to blaze this month, and have these contenders:

Patiently explaining to my niece who is attempting to hand me a single dandelion while I'm busy browsing Grindr that occasionally something given as a gift can actually be a burden for the other person

I'm caught cutting the blow with my dandruff but before the godfather can order my gruesome death the Family's chemist reports better binding affinities to dopamine receptors than any previously tested substance

My childhood friend and I accidentally triggered a curse and now she's trapped inside a Magic Eye picture in a book I keep on my shelf. I only take her down like once a month because the fucking eye trick hurts my head so bad. I hope none of you hold me in judgement for this

instead of a string of handkerchiefs tied together the clown at this brthday party is pulling Clorox wipes out of a tube and making us wipe the bathroom surfaces. I wanna go home :(

I found Lot's wife. I understand this is hugely archeologically important but you must understand that I have never found a salt lick so compelling

You're supposed to rotate your kidneys every 6 months and none of you do this and this is why you feel like shit all the time

AO3 doesn't have any fics for GLADOS / Hatsune Miku. I guess they don't want their cut of my annual donations

When I was little, we kept a height chart, but instead of demarcating height at conventional milestones like birthdays, my parents would add another tick mark whenever any of us had a near-death experience. The idea was to make us contemplate the misery of our counterfactual families in order to discourage us from dangerous antics

[ijustwantedtolookatonething]

look. Your Chell can pine and forgive GLaDOS. That is fine. Chelldos shippers are my allies and friends.

HOWEVER

my Chell can’t sleep at night because she’s scared she will wake up in testing. My Chell has trust issues and is taking time to heal. My chell will never go back to apature, even facing down an armada of combine ships. Because she won. She got out of there. It never even occurs to her that GLaDOS loves her, because she simply cannot understand her. My Chell would run far and fast from a safe human settlement if P-body and Atlas showed up.

we can, however, agree that GLaDOS is pineing like an evergreen tree.

[pretzeldinosaur]

ChellDOS Prompt: Die Hard in Aperture.

Some people want to take over Aperture for whatever reason. They do the standard Die Hard things and take over the place. They even manage to subdue GLaDOS. However, they are unaware of Chell.

Chell plays the John McClane role, and she portals around and kills people. Preferably, this would be done with Aperture methods, and not just guns. Portals, crushers, assembly lines, test elements, etc.

Also, the entire time, GLaDOS is with the terrorists and just talking up how great Chell is, and how she’s basically unkillable:

“my girlfriend is coming and she’s so strong and smart”

“she’s gonna kill you”

“i couldn’t even kill her, what chance do you have?”

“here, i’ll pull her up on the security camera and you can see her killing your friends”

“wow the way she murdered that guy on the testing track was kinda hot”

[jerktournament]

FINAL ROUND - GLaDOS (Portal) VS Herbert P Bear (Club Penguin)

!!! PROPAGANDA BELOW !!!

GLaDOS: "So mot only is she running your character through a series of puzzles with the intention of killing her at the end, but in the second game she spends the Entire. Time. Verbally and emotionally abusing you, including body shaming and bullying you for being an orphan. If it's any consolation, she does have to exist as a potato for the second and third acts of Portal 2."

"Known for being mean (hot). Mercilessly targets the player character's every possible insecurity. Petty and mean. I understand if you don't want to include her since she tends to dominate polls, lol."

HERBERT: "This mf spends his whole life trying to heat up a frozen island and terrorizing the innocent penguins that live on it all bc he was bad at sailing one time and is too much of a wimp to try again. Classic Misery loves Company type asshole."

"operation blackout would have been NOTHING without him (mostly because he caused it). he has a SOLAR LASER. this polar bear is an ass who literally harnessed the power of the sun and froze the top members of the elite penguin force (a group of penguin special agents) and his best friend is an equally villainous crab"

"Herbert may be a fandom darling in our fandom of like, 20 people. BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU! He is a conniving, EVIL bear, and a professional jerk and some highlights of his jerkishness include...

- Spending ten years of his life (by the time the game closed) trying to destroy the Penguin Secret Agency and Elite Penguin Force (both were agencies that protected the island from disasters and villains like Herbert) with varying success...

- SUCCESSFULLY destroyed the Penguin Secret Agency with a popcorn bomb, which destroyed their HQ. It should also be noted that while doing so, he locked in the player, Rookie, and Gary the Gadget Guy, presumably so the bombs explosion would have killed them all.

-Teamed up with the EPF to stop the Ultimate Protobot 10,000 and the Test Bots, a small group of four dangerous robots after he personally brought them back. When Protobot went "too far" for Herbert's standards by threatening the environment and trying to completely destroy the EPF (despite the aforementioned Popcorn Bomb incident literally destroying the PSA, and also a certain Operation: Blackout), causing him to temporarily switch sides. This might sound like a character growth moment...except for the fact that he immediately betrays them once Protobot is dealt with and attacks and damages the EPF's HQ using a robot hydra made for the Medieval Party that he stole.

- A canonical ex-dictator. Don't believe me? Look up Operation: Blackout on the Club Penguin Wiki! He froze several agents during his reign of terror, was open to freezing innocent civilians, and also wanted to do away with puffles- the pets of penguins. He also banned several hobbies and professions during his reign (being a Ninja, a DJ, a Pirate, etc) for no reason other than disliking them. He also destroyed the EPF'S HQ and exposed two agents' private information to the public. This means Herbert is the first and only character to canonically dox people he doesn't like on Club Penguin.

-Was planning to bomb the EPF literally two months later with a hot sauce bomb (makes sense in context of the game and yes, it is more destructive than it sounds).

-Brainwashed puffles into digging coins for him purely because his henchman, Klutzy the crab brought a coin slot to use for his DIY heater, instead of just removing the coin slot and retooling it to work without one like a normal person."

[stem-sister-scuffle]

STEM SISTER SCUFFLE: ROUND 1 MASHUP 9

Mercymorn The First (The Locked Tomb) vs GLaDOS (Portal)

Mercymorn The First is a Cryogenics Scientist and Anatomist!

GLaDOS is a Quantum Physicist and Behavioural Psychologist!

Why you should vote for each contestant:

Mercymorn The First:

"Scientist working on human cryogenics/necromancy. She's a genius in a codependent toxic polycule with God."

"Fits the criteria for STEM (science, tech, engineering, math (specifically science)), and also Quirky STEM (stabbing, tearing, eating, maiming). She was a scientist trying to save humanity from global warming, before one of her science buddies became a necromancer and killed the entire world. Now she’s the meanest lady ever and had a threesome with god. Also she got ultra exploded (also by god)"

"She was trying very, very hard to save humanity! She was aiming to preserve people for an interstellar voyage, so that humans could survive the end of the world. It didn't work out and the project got shut down, but after the world ended she pioneered the field of necromantic healing and was known as the foremost anatomical expert among God's Lyctors. She says ick! bleh! out loud when she's disgusted. Also she's much, much more ethical than most people in the series."

"She was a doctor that joined several of her friends, most of whom were other STEM people and a few who weren't, in trying to convince the governments of the world to make an active plan to save the world from climate change. This ended up with one of them destroying the solar system and everything in it, resurrecting it all, and becoming God. She was resurrected as one of his Saints, and continued to use her medical knowledge to become an anatomy specialist and as a key part of a plan between her and another of their friends to take down God for being a tyrant. She might have been an OBGYN but I can't remember if that's actually canon. Also, she has naturally "apricot-colored" (so, pink) hair."

"She was a Regular Doctor working to save humanity from climate change but got resurrected by her friend after he ended the world and became a powerful goddess-like figure. She uses her knowledge of human anatomy to do crazy flesh magic including making her hair naturally pink just for funsies (iconic). She doesn't put up with any bullshit from anyone, including the universe's ostensible god. I love her"

"It's not specifically described but she was the medical support in a cryosleep project, and she knows enough later to have artificially created a baby without either of the biological parents knowing about it

She's the worst and I love her. Here's a description of her in Harrow the Ninth:

You could press your hand to Ianthe’s chest, if you wanted—which you didn’t, naturally—and the blood-warm sternum beneath would gradually unfold for you. But it would take effort, and close contact, and you would need to know the sternum.

Mercymorn the First knew the sternum. Mercymorn the First knew the pericardial fat, the soft-tissue secrets of the mediastinum, the false-heart shape of the thymus. You might have to press your whole palm to Ianthe’s breastbone—doubtless—and take valuable seconds to search out the bone, and the things behind the bone, their characters, their locations. Mercymorn could pinpoint your pineal gland with the merest touch to the skull. This was not due to some Lyctoral power that she alone possessed, no honed necromantic theorem; as God had told you, she had simply memorised the body, by rote, over the course of ten thousand years. She had studied the measurements and their range of differences, and on the rare occasions when she needed to assume where something was or how it worked, her assumptions had the accuracy of ten thousand years’ experience. What Mercy didn’t know about the body wasn’t just not worth knowing, said the Emperor; if she didn’t know it, it hadn’t existed previously.

Over the dinner table you asked Augustine why, if it was simply a matter of memory, he hadn’t done the same thing. Ianthe choked discreetly on a forkful of boiled flour-paste shapes in red sauce. “Lord! I can barely remember what I had for lunch last week,” he said. “Besides, anatomy has too narrow an application.” Mercymorn opened her mouth, hurricane eyes promising a coastal lashing, and said, “Application!” but Augustine said, languidly— “One would only really need it to kill Lyctors, Harrowhark, and the rest of us never evinced any interest in that.”

That broke up the dinner somewhat.

This is her and I love her dearly

https://youtu.be/pvJOuUJNcx8"

GLaDOS:

"i’m not sure how to explain this one. she’s an evil computer who makes a woman do fucked up tasks that all involve a portal gun in some way. evil computer woman i love you :3"

"She's witty, fun, they had to restrain her intelligence and it didn't work-"

"She should be able to kill everyone forever. Anyways she runs aperture she loves science so much it transcended lives and identity. It’s just what she does"

"she kills people 👍 shes cool and i like her"

"…. I mean she’s categorically not but it would be funny to include her. Again, it would be Very Funny"

"mad scientist robot representation with a complex emotional arc through multiple video games"

"She might not know what the point of her tests are, but she sure is good at making them. Bonus points for being hot"

"Managed a massive and highly advanced scientific facility in which she ran tests and experiments long after the fall of human civilization. Chell/GLaDOS <3"

"She’s GLaDOS"

[keroa]

MLaaTR GLaDOS

i think she would be gay scientist friends with dr wakeman

[yuripides]

Augh fuck ok so, I was just listening to Want You Gone and I realized something. There’s a very real possibility that GLaDOS isn’t in denial about liking Chell and caring about her and her act of sending Chell away could be out of that very care.

So throughout the song GLaDOS does say stuff like “go make some new disaster, you’re someone else’s problem now” and of course “now I only want you gone” and all this time we’ve been quite logically reading “I used to want you dead but now I only want you gone” as an “I don’t hate you as much anymore and killing you is basically impossible and you cause too much trouble for me to try anymore” but… GLaDOS still pulls back Chell at the end of Portal 2. She doesn’t let Chell die. Sure we can say that that was Caroline because the facility deletes Caroline later, but in the ending song GLaDOS says “now little Caroline lives in me too”, so she’s clearly still in there somewhere and makes up a fundamental part of who GLaDOS is.

Now I mentioned all that to segue into this next part. Do you think if GLaDOS just “hated Chell less” she would have organized an entire choir and orchestra out of turrets for her to listen to as she left the facility? Do you think she would have given her a companion cube, the thing that’s been a symbol for the human emotion of caring throughout the series with even players being attached to it sometimes?

Let that sit on your mind for a second.

Portal 2 has a second story-driven gamemode. The co-op. In the co-op you play as Atlas and P-body, two robots who GLaDOS put in place for testing in the absence of Chell. Now we see that these robots can’t really die, possibly in-canon as they respawn in the co-op as long as one of them is still alive. Unlike humans, these robots can’t come to permanent harm.

At the end of the coop, the two robots find the room where the crow’s made a nest. They manage to get the crow out of the facility, but find the eggs it’s laid. At first GLaDOS is horrified but then decides to take the eggs and raise the chicks herself. Of course she does this in her own way of trying to see them as dangerous “killing machines” but before she switches to that, she even names two of them “Marshmallow” and “Mr. Chubbybeak”. As dangerous as she is GLaDOS has a heart and some kind of caring instinct.

That’s not the only thing those two find at the end of the coop. They also find an entire untouched wing full of humans in cryosleep. GLaDOS wakes them up, puts them to testing.. and “depletes” the entire test subject supply in a few days.

Now, as we know by this point this isn’t exactly her fault. It’s the facility that instills “the itch”, the drive to test and experiment regardless of the consequences, as long as the facility itself is intact. And she knows that very well.

And in the end, I think that’s why she sends Chell away. Not out of hate, but out of care and love. In that brief time of freedom from the facility and the itch she gets, she realizes she does care. “I used to want you dead but now I only want you gone.” GLaDOS wants Chell gone because she knows that despite how much she wants Chell to stay with her, Chell will be happier in the outside world, and if she stays in the facility she will eventually come to harm.

“Want You Gone” is GLaDOS trying to intentionally deny that she cares so she doesn’t get hurt. In her own words,

“Goodbye my only friend…

Oh did you think I meant you?

That would be funny,

If it weren’t so sad.

Well, you have been replaced.

I don’t need anyone now!

When I delete you

Maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad…”

[internetskiff]

These two would so get along though. does anyone else see it??

I mean. Think about it. Please just hear me out: - Both share a passion for manufacturing and dubious experimentation. - Both are VERY passionate when it comes to their field of work. Granted GLaDOS would probably find card games beneath her. She doesn't strike me as the type to play games to pass the time but I feel like she'd share P03's interest when it comes to robot production. - Shared hatred towards plants and other organic matter. - Both suffer from being far too reliant on humans (and they're both very bad at hiding it). - Both got torn out of their own bodies by their weird ex and had to spend an extremely long amount of time in a limited, reduced form. - Both got killed by their weird ex. - Very similar attitude towards others. Everyone but them is expendable and frankly idiotic. - Both very queer in a very peculiar way. i feel like it'd maybe start out as hostility but then they're like "Oh you got killed twice by the filthiest person on planet earth too?" and it snowballs into them being chill with eachother. There's probably a lot more other sassy sarcastic AIs you could clump into this crackhead multifandom robot friend circle but my head is a swirling emptiness at the moment so

[mx-mongoose]

I don't know if this is a hottake or not, but Caroline and Cave's relationship is so much more tragic for me when they're not romantically involved and are close friends instead. To be honest, and I don't know if i'm just forgetting something pivotal, but I don't know where it even came from that Cave and Caroline were dating or married. I get that the whole Glados thing can be an allegory for an abusive relationship, which makes a lot of sense don't get me wrong, but there's more types of abusive relationships then just romantically-entwined ones.

"But Goose, it was the 50s, CEOs and their assistants were usually involved sexually or romantically. It was just the norm," Do you think Cave goddamn fucking Johnson conformed to societal norms? You think he would draw the line at a platonic relationship between him and his coworker who happened to be a woman? Plus I get that it's a very popular and very likely headcanon that Cave was a (for lack of better words) "A lady's man", but I feel like there's also a chance that he would think a romantic relationship would be unecessary and that he's also married to science. (Cave and Caroline are in a poly relationship with science)

Anyways- The reason why I say it's more tragic as a friendship for me is because I feel like when people say "tHeY wErE iN lOvE" it just waters their relationship down. Think about it from Caroline's perspective, this was the 50s, women were treated like shit in the STEM and business world. She probably had to deal with a lot of men's sexist and/or creepy bullshit. Then here comes Cave, the one guy who didn't treat her like an object (Which is big considering he treats EVERYONE as an expendable object) and held her in very deep regard. He admired her for her intellect, her passion for science, gave her a lot of power over Aperture even before she turned into a Glados, he saw her skills and said that she was the backbone of the facility. He didn't see her as a future wife but a serious business partner. (Possibly friend?)' (Plus i'v also seen headcanons that they knew each other even before Aperture, so take that as you will)

But then comes the Glados project and then he just ends up using her in another way and ignoring her when she says that she doesn't want this.

I dunno but that's just my POV and I feel like the Cave x Caroline thing only comes from the fact that theyre a guy and woman who happen to be close.

[icelordofwinterandwendigos]

One of my smallest headcanons I have for portal 2 is that I whole heartedly believe that chell had amnesia

Main reason is because of the first ending of the first game she just endured a big explosion and went into cryo sleep for gods knows how long

And Wheatley did say she had brain damage which would make sense cause I believe partially is because of like neurotoxin is pretty poisonous to us humans

But I like to believe as we progress threw the game chell started to remember what happened what happened TO HER what she went through why she felt so terrified and so much hate for glados

Why she was anixous being around Wheatley at first but soon immediately warm up to him cause she hadn’t had a good friend for awhile

I also believe she ease up in portal 2 like examples of being michevous (trying to bring the champion cube with her in that one chamber where you could) etc

Cause I always headcanon she was a serious individual in the first game so after gaining brain damage she managed to ease up abit be more herself and such