#she does a management thing for some property owners

[rachealsaccount]

if my mom is gonna force/guilt trip me into being her work assistant could I at least get paid for it

[sweet-as-an-angel]

kind of stupid butttttttt- Koenig/Ghost with a cat girl reader? <3

Ghost & König’s Reaction to You Being a Cat Girl

Warnings: Implied Smut/Sexual Content, Scary Dog Privilege, Pet Names, Sadism, Masochism, Scratching, Mention of Objectification (Consensual), Collar Mentioned, Female Reader.

Ghost

Absolute menace.

The first time he found out, he was shocked, to say the least, given how you managed to hide your ears and tail so well.

But he adjusts fairly quickly.

Sometimes, to get your attention or to get you to come to him when he can’t find you at home, he’ll shake your favourite box of cereal or call “Pspspspspsps–” until you come clamouring round the corner for your food.

He’s always twitching to touch your ears. Just finds them so cute and soft, and while he would never touch them without your permission, he’s dying to.

Sometimes you tease him and bonk your head against his side, give a tiny, fragile purr, and disappear into the midnight corners of the house.

But, when you can see Simon’s had a difficult day, you’ll lay in his lap and let him stroke your head, snuggling into him.

Though it’s not that you don’t like having your ears stroked; you just know that, if you were to let Simon do it, you’d never let him stop.

You’re always really warm and purr a lot, so Simon calls you his “Little engine”.

“‘Cause I’m driving my love van into your heart :3 !” – You say, absolutely oblivious to the cuteness overload you’ve just subjected him to.

Whenever you intentionally (or unintentionally) act cute, it sends Simon feral.

He definitely has a thing for pulling on your tail and making you cry.

Sadist to the max.

“Don’t mewl like that, Sweetheart,” he tells you, your tail in one hand and the lead to your collar in the other.

“Or I might just have to make you cry louder.”

Has a collar with a pendant engraved with the words ‘Property of Simon Riley’ made for you. But he only uses this on a few occasions.

He’d never make you wear it if you didn’t want to; he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s forcing you into a demeaning position.

His names for you vary, but the ones he uses in private are usually cat-related.

Kitty, Kitten (he uses this one unironically – he’s not chronically online so he doesn’t understand the implications), Kitty Girl.

He loves you soooo much, it hurts.

Scary dog privileges for the cat girl he bagged by being quiet and mysterious (unable to talk to you because he thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen).

He genuinely cannot believe his luck; he thinks you must be some artefact sent from the heavens to compensate for the trainwreck his life has been up until he met you.

He’s never felt more alive than when he’s with you.

And he’ll break the minds, bodies and spirits of anyone who tries to take you away from him <3.

König

Has a tendency to talk to you like how any owner talks to their pets.

“Does my pretty little Princess want her dinner now ? Oh yes she does, oh yes she does !”

He doesn’t mean to, honestly.

But ever since he found out you were a cat girl, he just can’t help himself.

It’s second nature to him.

He also tends to treat you as if you’re much more fragile than you actually are, but that’s because he’s never seen you defend yourself (because you don’t have to. König’s immense size and stature has effectively made you the social equivalent of Chernobyl, in that everyone remains outside a fifty-metre radius of you when you’re with him).

If you sit in his lap, he’ll actually die.

And if you start purring–

He’s GONE.

The sound is enough to not only fry his brain, but send him to sleep.

Hence he cannot sleep without you. Which makes his deployment exceedingly difficult for him.

He looks for any and all excuses to pet you.

He’ll straight-up ask you if you want him to scratch behind your ears, and he’ll keep going until you start to feel raw and ask him to stop.

He loves you so much – he can’t bear to be without you for any period of time.

Which, given how you can be rather solitary in nature, leads you to seek out the most inopportune places to catch up on some sleep.

He’s found you curled up in the wash basket before now.

And on top of a bookshelf.

And rather than be offended, he was overwhelmed by how adorable you were, curled up into a ball of almost nothing.

Yes, he did take pictures. Yes, he does keep them under his pillow so he can look at them when you’re asleep or away.

When it comes to the saucy stuff, König tends to hold back. A lot.

He’s absolutely massive and he doesn’t want to hurt you, especially since there’s more of a risk of him doing so by standing on your tail or catching your ears.

But whatever fear he possesses vanishes when you show him how flexible you are. Which has led to some…interesting positions, to say the least.

Btw, he’s a massive masochist. Just a sucker for pain.

Definitely the type to intentionally push you over the edge so you’ll scratch his back.

You have much sharper nails than the average person, which means it’s easier for you to cut deeper without applying much force.

And König loves it.

He has a high pain tolerance so he can withstand the burning sensation of you dragging your nails down his back and get lost in the fact that you’re marking him as yours.

During moments like this, he calls you ‘Kitty’ more than your actual name.

Outside of the bedroom, it’s literally impossible for him to call you anything other than “(Y/N)-Baby, where’s my little (Y/N)-Pie ?”

And you always come running because you know there’s a big cuddle attached to the end of that pet name <3.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

[heygerald]

Falling Without A Harness - Chapter 7

AU where Tom Ryder is still an asshole, just not a psychotic one. When Parker starts to let go of her initial assumptions about a man that makes a lasting impression, she starts to see that there's more to him than meets the eye. Yet, she can't help but wonder, why does he insist on acting like an asshole?

Read the story here: prev / next

Parker was dying.

Had to be, anyway, because her organs felt something like slushy-mud water inside her chest, and there was something pounding against her skull that made it hard to think. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this—her own birthday, maybe—and though she didn't put a lot of emphasis on her own personal health, she was certain that this time she was dying.

Really, really dying.

"I fucking hate Colt," she muttered, cheek pressed against the cool kitchen counter as an antacid tablet dissolved in her cup of water with a looming zzz. It almost hurt to watch, and when half the tablet broke into a chunk to send a torrent of bubbles up to the surface, Parker grimaced. "...blonde bastard."

Her sentiments went unheard in the empty kitchen.

It was still early, and her body ached to return to the couch. It wasn't comfortable by any means, worn in all the wrong places with scratches lining the surface, but it was horizontal, and it didn't involve sorting through books while greeting customers. If she hadn't been so adamant about setting three alarms the night before, Parker surely would have left the bookstore locked up all day.

But, as it was, she needed money, and a Saturday was too good a day to be an irresponsible property owner. So, here she was, crying on the kitchen counter watching her antacid dissolve in hopes that it would miraculously cure a hangover.

She grimaced at the sticky dryness of her mouth.

In hindsight, that last beer probably hadn't been the best idea.

And, in further, more truthful hindsight, neither had been the beer she drank after that one in the parking lot while waiting for their Uber. It had been Dan's challenge to do it under thirty seconds, prompted further by Colt's off-key acapella rendition of We Are The Champions, and though Parker wasn't good at many things, shotgunning a beer was something she was good at.

Who was she to waste a talent?

Her stomach turned at the thought, and she was in the middle of contemplating puking all over Colt's kitchen, when footsteps approached her from behind.

"Well, you look peaky."

Parker groaned low and deep while pressing her face further against the kitchen counter. Jody offered an amused smile before moving towards the fridge. Despite yesterday, she looked good. Bouncy skin, tousled blonde hair, Colt's t-shirt that didn't so much hang as it laid against her thin legs. Oh, and the happy features of someone that were clearly not suffering from a hangover.

Bastards, Parker thought glumly, the both of them.

"Want some?" Jody asked, jug of orange juice in hand. She had the benevolence to at least look tired. Though, not nearly enough in Parker's opinion.

"D'rather have a lobotomy," Parker muttered.

Jody somehow managed a smile and a wince at the same time. "You did drink a lot," she said. The idea of drinking anything had Parker paling, and Jody quickly moved past it to add, "but it was really fun. I think everyone enjoyed it."

She wasn't particularly in the mood for conversation, but Parker supposed the more she talked, the less she had to think about making herself presentable for work, which meant the less she thought about work itself, so she did her best to tamper down her headache with a slow sip of her water.

"S'definitely better than last year's," she said. There was sunlight streaming through the kitchen blinds, and while Jody didn't hesitate to pull them up, she responded by pulling her sweatshirt hood further down over her eyes. Another inhuman noise, before, "thanks for helping plan it."

Jody beamed at the gratitude.

Though, Parker noticed with a growing self-hatred, the Englishwoman seemed to do that naturally. "I'm just glad that I could pitch in. It was a lot of fun. I've never played paintball before."

"Really? Coulda' fooled me. I think my welts have welts."

"Oh," Jody said, hiding a giggle behind her glass of orange juice. "Sorry about that."

Parker got the feeling that Jody wasn't very sorry at all. In fact, from the way Jody and Colt had tore it up on the paintball field, Parker had a strong suspicion that the woman was just as competitive as the boys were.

Waving a hand at her, she said, "don't be sorry. You won, afterall."

"Oh, did we?" she chirped. "I barely noticed."

"Hmph."

"I didn't hit you too hard did I?" she asked, actually sounding curious as she leaned onto the counter.

There was a very large bruise on Parker's back side that would argue differently, but Parker instead shook her head. It sent the room spinning, however, and she just as quickly had to lay her head back onto the counter. "Had me a little scared out there, though. If anyone on set has ever given you shit before, you should just take a paintball gun with you to work."

Jody laughed. "There are one or two," she said. From the look in her eye, it was obvious she could name them, but she didn't. Instead, her eyes darted to Parker.

"Ah," she said. "Well, you had your chance yesterday to shoot him too. I hope you took the opportunity."

At the joke, Jody seemed to relax a bit. Her mouth tugged into a crooked smile as she popped some bread into the toaster. "I tried, but he was a little harder to get than I thought he would be..."

Her voice trailed off, and Parker arched a brow. "What?"

"Er, well, I guess I was a little surprised that you invited him. We all were, I think."

Unbidden guilt crashed down onto Parker's shoulders, and she caught her face in her hands. "I know, I know, I'm sorry... It was a last minute thing. He had stopped by the store and then we were just talking and, well, I don't know..."

Jody's back was to Parker, but she peeked over her shoulder with curiously arched brows. "I didn't realize you were friends. Certainly not after that introduction on set."

Just the thought of that introduction had Parker grimacing. Worse still was the realization that somehow, somewhere in her mind, that Tom was in no way connected to the Tom she had brought alongside her last night. It was as if they were two totally different people, and the reminder that they were actually the same person had her stomach rolling.

Or, that could have been the hangover. Whatever.

Parker picked at a loose thread on her hoodie. "Was Colt upset?"

"That you brought Tom?"

"I didn't ruin the night, did I? I know that he can be a total prick, and that everyone else has bad feelings towards him from work, but... well, I guess I was hoping that everyone else enjoyed last night as much as I did. I mean, I know he's a prick, but he's at least okay to be around sometimes."

"Can you remember?" Jody teased from beside the coffee maker. It beeped as she fiddled with it, before she was puling mugs out of the cabinet. Obviously, she had been here before.

"Does Colt hate me?"

Her smile was soft and graceful. "No, he doesn't hate you. I'm not sure he could, if I'm honest. He talks about you a lot, you know."

Parker didn't think that was necessarily a good thing, but she wasn't about to scold her brother for talking about her on dates. Not when he was actually going on them and she was at home marathoning trashy reality tv.

"And, as for last night," Jody continued, "everyone did have a lot of fun. No nights were ruined."

"Not even...?"

"The Uber driver was actually quite nice about it," she said, skipping over the issue entirely. A good thing too considering the thought of last night made Parker woozy, and she certainly didn't want to relieve that car ride home. Or the two stops they had to make for her and Colt to throw up on the side of the road. "Honestly... I was pleasantly surprised."

Parker frowned. "By the Uber driver?"

"By Tom," she corrected with a laugh.

"Really?"

Jody shrugged. "Granted, I don't know him nearly as well as Colt, and he was an awfully sore loser. I mean—really awful—you should have heard him after paintball."

"Oh, I did," Parker said. "I just blocked it out."

"And yet..."

Parker arched her brows.

Jody smiled, then shrugged once more. "He wasn't nearly as bad as I thought he would be. Losing, I mean. He didn't threaten to fire anyone or sue anyone—"

"Speak for yourself," she muttered under her breath, cup of liquid antacid looking more unappealing by the second.

"And by the end of the night... well, I think he was actually getting along with some of the others. Not really well, mind you. He is still a prick."

Parker snorted. "I don't think anyone was doubting that."

"But a manageable one. It actually felt like he was hanging out with us, you know, rather than dictating on set."

Parker tried not to sound too hopeful as she tugged on her thread. "Yeah?"

Obviously, she failed, because when Jody smiled there was something conniving to it. Something suspicious twinkling her eyes. Yet, the woman didn't dig in deeper. Just moved on. "He might not admit it, but I think Colt was more pleased than he let on when Colt said he was a great stuntman. I was too. Mind you, on our last film, Ryder asked Colt if he could get a jaw implant to look more like himself."

Parker made a face. "Yeah, I heard about that."

"I think this was the first time he ever complimented Colt. In, like, a decade of working together. Can you believe that?"

She could. The guy was a prick. But also, Parker didn't want to believe it—struggled to envision that as the same guy that had come to her bookstore twice now—and so she sipped her water so she didn't have to respond.

Jody, however, noticed all of that. "Since when have you two been friends?"

"Friends? We're not—it's not—we just... know each other."

"Hm," Jody hummed, clearly not buying it. "Yet you brought him to Colt's birthday party. And apparently you talk."

"I don't plan when he come to the store," she said defensively.

That surprised Jody, and as she filled the mugs up with coffee, she said, "oh. When you said you were talking I didn't realize you meant in person. You literally dragged him to the birthday party, then."

"I wouldn't say I dragged him," Parker muttered as she accepted a mug. The coffee was low quality and definitely burnt from Colt's stupid machine, but just the smell of it had her feeling better. She cradled the steaming hot mug between her hands with a deep inhale. "What did you think I meant?"

"I thought you meant you were talking on the phone."

"Colt told you about that? It's so weird. I still have no idea how he got my phone number," she mused, chancing a sip. It burned her tongue immediately, but Parker didn't care. She was not a morning person, and didn't function this early unless she had three cups of coffee. Hangover or not. "The prick."

Jody hedged from her cup of coffee, but didn't say anything.

Parker shrugged. If Jody didn't want to rail on Tom Ryder being a prick, that was her decision. Moving on, she added, "anyways, I really did appreciate your help with the party, even if I ended up fudging the team numbers by lugging Tom along. You were a life saver with getting everyone's phone numbers."

Whatever Jody had been thinking passed over, and she smiled. "Yeah, of course. Thanks for letting me help. I know... you know—Colt's your brother—I'm not trying to, er... step on anyone's toes."

It was funny to watch her get flustered, and Parker gave the woman an impish smile as she took another sip of her water. "Colt's a big boy, and he can do whatever he wants," she said. "Besides, I think you're great. Why would I have a problem with you wanting to help plan his party?"

"You think I'm great?" Jody asked.

To that, Parker rolled her eyes, and though it had the pounding behind her temples start up again, it felt worth it. "You get enough compliments from my brother, you don't need to go fishing for them with me too."

"Me? No. I hate fishing. Detest it, really."

Parker harrumphed, but couldn't help but snicker as she took a deep whiff of her drink. "Well, if you aren't fishing, then I don't need to tell you that he doesn't act like this with just anyone," she said before taking a long sip. Too long, and it burned her mouth immediately. "Fuck!"

"Hot?"

"I thought you weren't fishing anymore," Parker muttered while wiping drool off her chin.

"I was talking about the coffee!" Jody cried in response. But then she caught the haughty look Parker was shooting her and couldn't help but laugh. The sound hurt her ears, but, god, if everything about the woman wasn't perfect. "You and Colt, honestly. The things that you say are so ridiculous."

She vaguely remembered Tom saying the same thing the night before. A smile pulled at her burnt lips. "Tom would agree. He said something similar last night."

That look returned. "You know, for not being friends you've come a long way from calling him an asshole. I thought you were going to break his nose that day on set."

Parked moaned. "Oh, not you too."

"I'm just saying," Jody defended from behind a steaming mug of coffee. She blew on it coolly, as though the answer to her question didn't matter in the slightest. "I just couldn't help but notice how well you were getting along last night. Spent a lot of time together, too."

"Shah, because some Englishwoman came and stole my brother from me," she retorted blithely. "I always knew boomers complained about immigrants stealing jobs, but stealing drinking buddies is a little vindictive. Even for the English."

"Oi!" Jody exclaimed, though it ended in a laugh. "You and Colt spent plenty of time together last night. If I recall, we were trying to get away from you lot and that ridiculous game of yours."

Parker perked. "Game?"

"Something about a cat in the woods."

She thought through the previous night's events, and when the card game came to mind, her stomach rolled a second time. Moaning, she willed herself to disappear into a universe where responsibilities didn't exist. "Ugh, no wonder I feel like I'm dying."

"It was a ridiculous game. The amount you drank was ghoulish."

Something rolled in her stomach. "We don't have to—"

"And the rules didn't make any sense. It's all about drinking, drinking, drinking—"

And yep. That did it.

Parker barely made it to the toilet before she was puking up a stomach full of last night's drinks. The bathroom floor was cooler than the kitchen counter, at least, and as she caught her breath, she vowed to never drink again. Or play that retched game.

From the doorway, Jody grimaced. "Sorry."

Parker haphazardly waved her off. "S'fine. Just do me a favor and kill Colt for me, will you? The bastard..."

Jody smiled. "I think he might already be dead."

"What?"

Jody inclined her head to the left, and Parker turned to find her brother curled into a ball in the bathtub. He was wearing his Miami Vice jacket backwards, and his bucket hat was drawn low over his eyes. He was so pale that she might have actually thought he was dead if it wasn't for the quiet groan of misery he let out.

"He's been in here for an hour," she said in lieu of a proper explanation. "Ran in here, threw up, and then passed out in the shower because it felt nice. I decided to leave him. Just seemed easiest."

Parker didn't doubt that.

"What a fucking idiot," she said instead, and though Jody didn't respond, when the blonde sipped her coffee, the smug grin she was wearing made it obvious that she agreed.

---

Two coffees, a greasy bagel, and an antacid tablet later has Parker feeling moderately like a human being. The hangover is still there—teasing the inside of her skull every couple minutes—but it's better now. More manageable, at the very least.

Of course, manageable hangovers at work don't make for good working environments, and as the door rings with the sound of a brass bell, Parker adjusts the sunglasses perched on the edge of her nose.

"Hi, welcome in," she says. Though, when she looks she realizes that it's not a customer, but instead a tween girl with far too much trouble in her eyes. "Oh, it's you."

"You could sound a little more enthusiastic about it," Melissa chides, arms jingling with the sound of too many stacked bracelets to count. She looks pretty today—she looks pretty every day—and though Parker isn't in the mood for vibrant conversation, she can't deny that it's always nice to see her most loyal customer. "I am your number one, afterall."

"Number one...?"

"Customer!" Melissa chirps with a smile as if she can hear Parker's innermost thoughts. She swings closer to the counter with dancing eyes. "I have a couple more ideas I wanted to run by you before tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Sunday," Melissa says slowly, blinking. "Hello? Does painting sound familiar to you?"

Parker pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh. She's all out of interest in paint; the welts on her ribcage haven't been forgotten, and she can feel something tweaking in her lower back from being bent over for hours at a time.

God, she's old.

"I thought we were about finished."

"Finished? Not even close," Melissa corrects her. She settles her tote bag onto the counter. Her nose scrunches distastefully as she glances around. "We only did the walls. We still have to do the shelves. And I think those will take longer since I want to add some cute detailing to them. Have you thought about shelf liners?"

"What the hell are shelf liners?"

"You know," she gestures. "Like wallpaper, but for shelves."

"That sounds expensive."

"And totally worth it. Look," she sticks her phone across the counter, Pinterest page already pulled up, and starts scrolling. The speed at which she's doing it, however, as Parker's eyes going crossed. She sits back with a groan. "It's not that bad!"

"No, no, it's not..." she starts, then stops. "Can we just talk about this tomorrow?"

Melissa pouts. "Fine, but we'll probably need to start painting first thing, since you can't put the books back up until the shelves dry completely."

"Are we sure this is even necessary?"

"Completely," the girl says, and there's no room left for argument as she pops her hip out. "I told you this place looks so much better already, but the shelves will be worth it. It'll really help everything pop. And I have some ideas about stickers we can use to make cute signs for all the book sections."

Parker sighs. "Don't you go to school?"

"Yeah. And?"

"How do you have time for all of this stuff?" she asks, a floppy hand gesturing half-heartedly to the room around them. She doesn't mean to offend Melissa in any way, but she can't imagine that there's a teen girl out there who spends all of her time dedicated to fixing up a dilapidated bookstore. "Shouldn't you be in, I don't know, cheerleading or something?"

Melissa shoots her a tart expression. "Cheerleading is so totally dated, Park. Sexist, too. They just have skinny girls wearing tiny little skirts for the objective male gaze."

"...right."

"Besides," she continues, bracelets jangling as she pops a piece of gum into her mouth. "I love this place."

Even more bewildered, Parker repeats herself. "...right."

"Speaking of—" Melissa says, and when she leans against the counter there's a waft of vanilla and lemon perfume. Parker almost gets sick at the strength of it, and she sips her coffee with a grimace. "When are you going to hire me?"

"I already did."

"For real," Melissa asserts, digging her heels in. "You said you'd think about it, and you've had plenty of time. I mean all you do is hang out here."

"Okay, ouch."

"I want a job."

"Can we talk about this tomorrow too?" Parker whines. She knows she's the adult in the situation, but... well, she really doesn't want to be. The idea of doing math and taxes has her head spinning painfully. "I'm—I have a headache."

Melissa narrows her eyes at that. Smarter beyond her years, the girl doesn't miss much, and when she leans across the counter, Parker wishes her sweatshirt would swallow her whole. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look bad."

"Oh, gee, thanks."

She waves a hand indifferently, and squints. "Not like that. I mean you look like you're sick. Are you sick?"

Her stomach roils, and Parker tries to hide the uncomfortable wince behind another sip of scalding black coffee. "A bit."

"You were fine on Wednesday."

"Must have caught something," she lies. The last thing she needed to do is be blamed for being a bad influence on a teenager.

Melissa furrows her brows, reaching to plant a palm against Parker's forehead. She tries to duck it, but only manages to send the room spinning a second time. "You don't feel like you have a fever."

"Twenty four hour bug I guess," she says, waving a hand as if it really was that simple. It wasn't, and when she bends down to scoop a pile of books off the ground her vision flashes white. Colt was such a fucking bastard. "Ugh."

"Oh. My. God."

She slams her eyes shut, head steepled between three fingers, already knowing what was about to come. Parker really can't handle Melissa's high-pitched tone of judgement, however, and considers just giving the girl the keys to the store right then and there. "Don't."

"Are you—?"

"No."

"—hungover?" Melissa finished anyways. She whispered the word like it was some big secret, but by the way that her eyes widened and her mouth pulled into a sneaky grin, it was obvious that the news was all too interesting to her. Especially when Parker didn't answer her right away. "Oh my god! You totally are!"

The boom of her voice had Parker's head hurting, and she let her head fall into her hands with a groan. It was a saving grace that the store was empty.

Well, not entirely a saving grace considering she needed customers, but...

"What happened?" Melissa pried. "Did you go on a date last night?"

"You think I would get black out drunk on a date?" she asked.

The girl shrugged. "I don't know, maybe it went really well."

Parker rubbed her temple wearily. "You're not going on dates are you? Because you shouldn't be getting black out on the first one, ever. That's dating one-o-one."

"Oh, whatever," she flipped a perfectly manicured hand at Parker before settling further onto the counter. It was obvious that she had sunk her teeth into the subject. The last time she done that, she convinced Parker to repaint the entire store. Hopefully, this one wouldn't be as expensive. "Not a date then. What'd you do?"

Parker sighed. "It was Colt's birthday party."

Melissa ooh-ed with a dreamy smile. "I can't wait until I can drink. Legally, I mean. Obviously I've tried beer before," she said with batted eyelashes. It seemed that she was completely ignoring the very real reality of what happened when one drank too much, and Parker rolled her eyes. "Why did you come in today? When my brother drank a lot at Christmas he was in bed until dinner the next day. Mom said he had the flu, but, like, come on."

Parker gave a half-hearted hum. Any other day a glimpse into Melissa's home life would have amused her—teenagers nowadays really did baffle her—but at the moment she didn't have the mental capacity to do much other than try not to die. "I had to open the shop."

To that, Melissa grinned. "Well, if you had another employee..."

"Oh, please, Melissa," Parker threw up a hand with a groan. "Seriously. Not today. I'm weak willed. I can't have this conversation; I'm not in the right mind, and nothing will be legally binding."

"I'm just saying!" the girl threw up her own hands with a laugh. There was something conniving about it, though. Something glittering in her eyes. "If you had another employee, then you would be able to take a morning off every once in a while. How is that a bad thing?"

"You're taking advantage of me," Parker pointed out with a sour frown.

"Actually, you could argue that I'm trying to help you."

"Hmph."

"But, now that we're on the subject," she continued, eyes flapping like Bambi as she walked a slow circle. Only, Parker got the distinct impression that she was a hen stuck with a fox, and as she wiggled her sunglasses nervously, she tried to remind herself that she was the adult in the conversation. "The store looks way nicer, and you've been getting compliments from people, and I still have a lot more ideas for what else we could do. Don't you think that hiring me would benefit us both? We could start doing work throughout the week which means you would get your Sundays back to yourself."

Parker slumped onto her hands. "Are the devil?"

"Parker," she whined, returning to the counter where she delicately propped her head on two palms, ever the essence of beauty and grace. "Please?"

The throbbing in her head hadn't gone away, and the sweat dripping down her back was as uncomfortable as it was gross. Parker had avoided every mirror in her house that morning knowing that however she looked wasn't pretty, and having someone actually pretty blinking at her made Parker feel slightly violent.

And sick.

And, well, maybe having a second employee around for the days that she was sick wasn't the worst idea out there. Not to mention that Melissa had garnered her lots of compliments over the past couple of weeks, and the store did look the best it ever had. The girl had good ideas, Parker couldn't deny that. And she certainly didn't lack a work ethic. She had been begging for a job for weeks now, and didn't once skimp on her painting responsibilities when they came together on the weekends. If anything, she was giving herself more to do every time she came.

She let out a long, self-suffering sigh. "...alright."

Melissa froze. "Really?"

"Part time, three days a week, and Saturday mornings."

"Really?"

"And I'm not paying more than minimum wage."

Her eyes were the size of saucers, waiting on baited breath, as she asked a third time, "really?!"

Slowly, Parker nodded. "Really."

Melissa jumped, squealing, and if her head hadn't hurt earlier, it was like an elephant coming through in a parade. Hand up, she said, "okay, okay, but you have to stop before I hurl. Seriously, this energy is... not a good way to start out as an employee."

"This is so sick," Melissa said anyway, unfazed by Parker's white-washed face. "I still think we should do liners for the shelves, and little gold accents, but that'll take a while, so maybe tomorrow we just start with painting this section—"

She gestured as she talked, and she talked a lot. And though Parker was only half paying attention, she hummed and nodded when appropriate. Afterall, the store did look so much better, and she could use another employee. Particularly one as clever as Melissa.

Sipping her coffee, she smiled.

Until she felt another wave of nausea.

One of these days, she swore, she would seriously kick her brother's ass.

---

Crave Cafe, only two blocks down from her own bookstore, was like stepping into a different world. The cafe itself was beautifully decorated, vintage artwork on the wall, string of pearls hanging from rope baskets in the corners, with soft LED lights in the shape of lightning bolts and cappuccinos on the wall. Discolored and misshapen mugs could be seen scattered throughout the inside, with every odd table occupied by varying individuals. Chatter echoed throughout over the sound of coffee grinders and a Spotify playlist, and though Parker was always a little sore that Crave's clientele didn't show much interest in her own storefront, she had to admit that it was her favorite place around.

Not just because the coffee was cheap, the bread always freshly made, and the general ambiance, but also because the manager, a young man named Harry, was always happy to see her.

"Don't tell me you're working again today," he said while setting about putting her order together. "I thought you were closed on Sundays."

Parker shrugged. She felt much better today, having a full night's sleep and a long shower, and though she was about to go back to more painting, she was in an arguably good mood. "Melissa's taken over the store, I'm afraid. She keeps seeing stuff on Pinterest that she's wants to try."

"Too scared to tell her no?"

"Is it lame if I say yes?"

Harry laughed, slinging a pink and yellow patterned towel over his shoulder. "I can't say I blame you. Kids nowadays are frightening. I have my own group that hangs around for hours that I'm too afraid to shoo away. When did girls get so intimidating?"

Parker followed his line of sight to a trio of teen girls. They ducked their heads at being spotted, giggles erupting from their table. "I think you're teens are a little different than mine," she pointed out with an arched brow. "Namely, Melissa isn't hoping I'll ask her to the prom."

Harry laughed at that. Parker didn't wonder why there were teen girls ogling him—he was an objectively attractive guy, white teeth, nice tattoos, good sense of humor, and the odd finger painted black, he was practically a knockoff Pete Davidson. Apparently, that was what every girl wanted nowadays. "Not that you know of, anyway," he teased while working the frother. "I'll have to come over and check it out for myself. Bet it looks nice."

She rolled her eyes with a snort. "Anything looks nicer than it looked before," she said. "I did finally get rid of that weird smell though. Score for me. Only took three gallons of Pine Sol and way too many candles. Which, I think are actually toxic but whatever. A wins a win."

He laughed again while sliding her coffees across the counter. "How late do you think you'll be there today?"

"Knowing Melissa? Till midnight. She's a bit of a hard ass."

"Perfect. I'll stop by after my shift."

"That's very presumptuous of you," she chirped, smiling. It was hard not to smile when talking to Harry. She wasn't naive enough to ignore his flirting; particularly when she stopped by three times a week for her caffeine fix. But Harry was like every other surfer in California—flaky, flirty, and trouble. Not her type in the slightest, but he was a friend, and often gave her coffee on the house. "But, if you must, bring me a bagel?"

He winked. "Anything for a pretty girl."

Parker shook her head with a smile and gathered her coffees and sandwiches up before leaving. The table of teenagers shot her dirty looks when she walked by, to which she smiled right back.

The walk back to her shop was short, stalled only when she stopped to pet a slumbering bulldog along the sidewalk. The bell overhead jingled when she entered. Despite the CLOSED sign on the door, she never bothered to lock up when they were painting. If someone was stupid enough to stumble in, she figured they would be stupid enough to fork over some cash on a book or two. And Parker would never say no to cash.

"I got the coffees!" she called when Melissa didn't immediately come to the front. Music played softly on the speakers, but the store seemed empty. Shelves had been shifted to the side with stacks of books off to the other, and the tarp crinkled under her sneakers as she walked over it. "Melissa? Hello? Did you...?"

Trailing back further proved that Melissa wasn't ignoring her, but instead in an adamant conversation.

A conversation with none other than Tom Ryder.

Parker stopped short. "Tom?"

The pair turned to her. Melissa's face was flushed, and her cheeks were split in two from the width of her smile. Her chest was heaving as if she had just been talking nonstop. Which, likely, she had.

And despite the fact that he was being mobbed by a teenager, Tom didn't seem to mind one bit. In fact, he was standing casually bent against the ladder, brows relaxed, shoulders loose underneath his expensive leather jacket. And though she expected him to greet her—like friends did—the first thing out of his mouth was, "I was wondering when you got a sense of style, before realizing that you were outsourcing to this one."

"I—what?"

Tom gestured to the bookstore as Melissa grabbed her Chai latte out of Parker's hands without so much as a thank you. "The color is much more modern, and the gold accenting really brings things together. Could use some better wall decor, but I'd bet anything nice is out of your budget."

Parker blinked. At him. Then at Melissa. "What?"

Melissa, still grinning, waved an emphatic hand at the celebrity standing across from her. "Mr. Ryder—"

"Melissa, come on, I already told you to call me Tom. We're friends, aren't we?"

She paused, flushing under his gentle comment, before tucking some loose hair behind her ear with an even bigger grin. Parker rolled her eyes at the act of it all. "Tom stopped by to talk to you, but since you were out, I let him in. He was wondering what we were painting, so I showed him what we are doing today, and then I showed him what we've done the last couple of weeks."

"Stellar, really," he chimed in. She beamed beneath his praise, and Parker swore a helicopter could have caught the brightness of her teeth from a mile away. "I think she's done a great job so far."

"I helped," Parker reminded him indignantly. Not just because he was quite obviously playing it up for the attention, but also because she was so thrown by his presence in the first place that she felt uncomfortable having walked in on them talking. "Paid it for it, too."

He acted like he hadn't even heard her. "I'll have to come back when it's finished. What design of shelf liner do you'll think you'll get?"

"I'm not totally sure. I really like the dark, forest style, with the birds and branches. But I also think that the brighter gold style would look good set against the books."

"Wait, I thought I said no to the shelf liners?" Parker interrupted.

"To which I reminded you that it would look so good," Melissa shot back. When she remembered who she was talking to, however, she gestured shyly to Tom. "Besides, he thinks it would look good too. So, that's two opinions against one, right?"

"What—he doesn't work here!" Parker exclaimed, feeling a bit like she had stumbled into the Twilight Zone. Since when did Tom Ryder have any opinion about her store besides thinking it was dirty? And since when did she care about his opinion in the first place? "It doesn't matter what he thinks."

"Should," Tom added. He looked much too smug in that moment, yet, when Melissa glanced at him, his smirk became gentler. "I mean, I do have a good eye for this sort of thing. And I'm a paying customer. Doesn't hurt to listen to your customers every once in a while does it?"

"I have the right to kick out customers, you know," she warned.

Melissa didn't like that one bit, and her voice pitched in horror. "Parker! You can't—come on. He's—you know—Tom Ryder," she said, enunciating every syllable as if Parker wasn't aware of who had stumbled into her store when it was supposed to be closed. Tom, on the other hand, pointed right back at Melissa smugly.

As if to say, yeah, I'm Tom Ryder.

Sighing, Parker pinched the bridge of her nose. Yesterday's headache seemed to be coming back full force. "I know who he is, and I don't care. And I think it's time for your break now. Sandwich?"

Melissa glanced between said sandwich, her boss, and her celebrity crush for a long moment, before accepting it with a frown. "Thirty minutes?"

"Sure."

Her mood was obviously glum as she glanced between them both once more before stalking towards the back room. She paused in the doorway. "It was nice meeting you."

Tom, for what he was worth, never missed with a grin. "Likewise. I'm glad that someone working here has a sense of style."

And just that like her glum mood vanished. Melissa smiled, blushed, and disappeared into the back room with a pep in her step. When she was gone, Tom returned his attention to Parker.

"Is that for me?" he asked. Though, he didn't even wait for an answer before he was swiping the coffee out of her hand and taking a sip. If looks could kill, it was a good thing there was already a tarp spread out beneath his feet. He furrowed his brows. "Is this an americano?"

"Yes. Mine," she snarked, grabbing it back with a huff. "Why would I have gotten you a coffee? I didn't even know you were here."

He shrugged. "Feeling generous?"

"Why are you here? We're technically closed today."

"The door was unlocked," he said, and Parker's thoughts returned to her earlier sentiments. Stupid indeed. "I do like the paint. Looks cleaner. Not so sad, anymore."

"My store wasn't sad."

"Alright, ugly."

She trailed towards the front counter with a sigh. Part of her was amused—it was nice to have someone to banter back and forth it, particularly someone like Tom—but the more sane part of her was annoyed. Only he would come drink her coffee and then insult her bookstore.

And only he would be allowed to do that. Why was that?

"Are you here for more book recommendations?" she asked, forcibly moving the conversation along as she began to unwrap her turkey, cheese, and bacon sandwich. The bread crumbled in her hands, and Parker's stomach growled at the smell. "Obviously it's a little messy right now, but I could pull a few more out for you."

He shook his head; both to shake loose fringe out of his eyes and to give her a undiscernible look. "You seem to have recovered from the party Friday night. I was pretty certain either you or Colt would be dead by now."

"And yet you didn't call," she deadpanned. "How touching."

Tom's mouth quirked at the side, and he took another long sip of her coffee. He didn't even seem to care that it wasn't his own. "Is he alright then?"

She hummed around a bite of turkey. "By the time I left yesterday morning he was sleeping it off in the bathtub. So, not really any different than last year."

"What did you do last year?"

Parker couldn't really remember, she just knew that there was a whole lot of alcohol involved, and someone set off fireworks that got them in trouble with the neighbors. "Had a poker night, I think. I don't really remember much after someone got the absinthe out though."

To that, he did laugh. Though, he shook his head and glanced away as if he didn't want her to know that he did. "I always thought that Colt was trouble, but you're no better, are you? The two of you last night drank half a cooler worth of beer."

She shrugged, completely unperturbed. Mostly because she knew he was teasing, and only slightly because she knew his partying habits would outshine hers any day. "If I recall I was asking you to drink more with us," she pointed out with a snooty look. "You were the one refusing to join in. Something about the drinks being too low brow or something."

"It wasn't the brand that kept me from drinking," he retorted. Parker didn't believe that for a second though, and when he caught the arch of her eyebrow, he rolled his eyes. "I couldn't keep up with your stupid game, alright?"

"Just admit that you're a lightweight, Ryder. I won't judge you."

"I'm not a lightweight."

"Acceptance is the first step."

"You're so fucking annoying," he said with an eyeroll. But then he was peeking at her over the counter and when their gazes met, the pair dissolved into a fit of laughter. It was a nice sound; one that she quite liked earning. Parker remembered he laughed a lot at the beach, even if she didn't always remember why he was laughing. "Whatever. You better not drink that much at my party or else I'll have you kicked out myself. Just because there's any open bar doesn't mean you need to drink everything in sight, yeah?"

Parker furrowed her brows at him. "Party?" she asked.

Tom shifted on his feet, pushing off where he had been leaning on his elbows to pluck a nearby book off the counter. Absentmindedly, he flipped through it. "My party on Friday. To announce my part in the movie. You and Colt are coming, aren't you?" he said, as if this was a conversation they had before, and not something he was springing on her out of the blue.

Her first response was to make some sort of scathing response about how she wouldn't be caught dead at one of his parties. But, Parker couldn't help but notice how he shifted on his feet, how he was avoiding her gaze.

What could someone like you ever have to be anxious about? she had asked him that fateful day in the bathroom. It was so out of character then.

But now?

Tom Ryder was an asshole, but he was also a person.

She set her sandwich down onto the parchment paper. "I didn't realize we were going to be invited. Is that alright with Gail?"

He responded with a derisive snort. "It's my party. Besides, there's over a hundred people on the guest list. She won't even realize you're there. As long as you don't dress like you normally do, that is."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

His blue eyes swept over her hair, to her paint stained sweatshirt that he had now seen her wearing twice, and then to the store around them. "It's going to be an upscale party. Important people are going to be there. I can't have you and Colt running around like idiots, getting drunk, and ruining mink rugs."

"Do you have mink rugs?" she shot back.

"Of course I don't have mink rugs."

"Then problem solved," she said, waving a hand at him. It certainly didn't answer all of his points, however, and when Tom stopped flipping through his book to shoot her a glare, Parker conceded with a sigh. "Alright. We'll dress nice. I won't spill anything on my pants. And Colt will be on his best behavior."

"Good."

"On one condition."

Tom's eye twitched. "You can't be serious."

"Colt get's a plus-one," she said anyway, ignoring the knit of his brows or the pull of his mouth. He responded just as she expected, with a long suffering sigh and an eyeroll. "Oh, come on! He'll bring Jody, and no one is better at keeping an eye on him than her. Plus, you're right. We're not going to know anyone there. We'll stay in our own little pathetic poor people bubble. And if you do get annoyed with us, you can kick me out yourself. I bet you'd love that."

He sighed a second time, relaxing onto the counter. "I don't invite set hands to my house," he pointed out. Though, it was a bit of a moot point, wasn't it? Considering the fact that he was doing just that—and, if Parker had to guess—without Gail's stamp of approval. Not to mention the fact that his tone was soft. Not harsh or judgmental.

Just arguing for the sake of arguing.

Parker smiled at him. "First time for everything, right? I'll even tip off the pap. You might get some good press out of this," she teased.

And though he was playing the victim, Tom's mouth curved into a crooked smile anyway. Still, he made a roll of rolling his eyes a second time. "Fine. But seriously? Best behavior."

She wiggled her fingers at him in a mock salute. "Promise."

They stared at one another. His eyes, deep and bright, searching for something she wasn't quite sure. Her own, light and gentle, taking in everything. It never cased to surprise Parker just how handsome he was—no matter how much she wished that she was just making it up, or that his ego wasn't deserved—Tom Ryder was beautiful.

And when he smiled, she couldn't help but think he looked so much better like this than he did in all those over-touched advertisements. Here, now, he looked happy. Effortless. Real as he took another sip of his coffee. Eyes crinkled and teasing, mouth curved around the plastic lid, hair air dried but perfectly swept towards his temples.

He was—

"Hang on a minute. That's my coffee you ass!"

The ass, knowing now that he had been caught, set the empty cup back onto the counter with an empty thud, before attempting to make off with her sandwich too. And as he laughed, she was certain that she was finally starting to see the real Tom Ryder.

She kept that in mind when she let him see the real Parker Seavers, and leapt across the counter after him.

[mariacallous]

RealPage says it isn’t doing anything wrong by suggesting to landlords how much rent they could charge. In a move to reclaim its own narrative, the property management software company published a microsite and a digital booklet it’s calling “The Real Story,” as it faces multiple lawsuits and a reported federal criminal probe related to allegations of rental price fixing.

RealPage’s six-page digital booklet, published on the site in mid-June, addresses what it calls “false and misleading claims about its software”—the myriad of allegations it faces involving price-fixing and rising rents—and contends that the software benefits renters and landlords and increases competition. It also said landlords accept RealPage’s price recommendations for new leases less than 50 percent of the time and that the software recommends competitive prices to help fill units.

“‘The heart of this case’ never had a heartbeat—the data clearly shows that RealPage does not set customers’ prices and customers do what they believe is best for their respective properties to vigorously compete against each other in the market,” the digital booklet says.

But landlords are left without concrete answers, as questions around the legality of this software are ongoing as they continue renting properties. “I don’t think we’re seeing this as a RealPage issue but rather as a revenue management software issue,” says Alexandra Alvarado, the director of marketing and education at the American Apartment Owners Association, the largest association of landlords in the US.

Alvarado says some landlords are taking pause and asking questions before using the tech. Software like RealPage “has made it much easier to understand what is happening in the market,” Alvarado says. “Technology has helped us in so many ways to make all these processes more efficient. In this case, it’s now borderline too efficient.” And members of the AAOA are asking questions about the legality of revenue management, she says. “The first thing landlords typically think is, what is the legal repercussion? Am I going to be in trouble for using this software? If the answer is maybe, it’s usually off the table.”

Dana Jones, president and CEO of RealPage, said in a statement released alongside the booklet that “the time is now to address a number of false claims about RealPage’s revenue management software, and how rental housing providers operate when setting rent prices.” RealPage did not respond to WIRED’s queries asking what prompted the lengthy statement in June. Officials appear to be narrowing in on RealPage, as the Justice Department is allegedly planning to sue the company, according to a report from Politico last week. The company declined a request to comment on the latest in the ongoing Department of Justice probe.

Allegations of price-fixing that may constitute antitrust violations have dogged the software company since late 2022, when ProPublica published an investigation alleging that RealPage’s software was linked to rent rises in some US cities, as the company used private, aggregated data provided by its customers to suggest rental prices. (In response to ProPublica's reporting, RealPage commented that it “uses aggregated market data from a variety of sources in a legally compliant manner.”)

RealPage’s software is powerful because it anonymizes rental data and can provide landlords and property managers with nonpublic and public data about rentals, which may be different from that advertised publicly on platforms like real estate marketplace Zillow. The company contends that it’s not engaging in price-fixing, as landlords are not forced to accept the rents that RealPage’s algorithm suggests. Sometimes it even recommends landlords lower the rent, RealPage claims. But antitrust enforcers have alleged that even sharing private information via an algorithm and using it for price recommendations can be as conspiratorial as back-room handshake deals, even if landlords don’t end up renting apartments at those rates. The reported antitrust investigation is ongoing.

RealPage’s algorithmic pricing model is among one of the first subject to scrutiny, perhaps due to its involvement in housing, a necessity that has ballooned in price as housing supply languishes. Typical rent in the US is just under $2,000, according to Zillow, up from around $1,500 in early 2020. “Housing affordability is a national problem created by economic and political forces—not by the use of revenue management software,” Realpage says. But renters can’t tell whether their rates are rising because of algorithms or not.

“It’s almost impossible to know if you are just a spectator or a victim,” says Shanti Singh, legislative and communications director with Tenants Together, a California-based coalition of tenants activists. If tenants call a hotline over raised rent or fees, “we’re not necessarily going to be able to see or connect that their landlord is using RealPage.”

The state of Arizona sued RealPage and nine landlords in February, claiming a conspiracy between the company and landlords led renters in Phoenix and Tucson to pay “millions of dollars” more in rent. That followed a similar lawsuit out of Washington, DC. In the capital’s greater metropolitan area, more than 90 percent of rental units in large apartment buildings were priced using RealPage software, according to DC’s attorney general.

The cases against RealPage puts algorithmic pricing to the test; as the technology becomes more common, antitrust law has yet to keep pace. Officials have other concerns around algorithms used for alleged hotel price fixing, as well as e-commerce algorithms. “The concern of regulators that algorithms can be used in ways that harm competition—that idea is here to stay,” says Ed Rogers, a partner at law firm Ballard Spahr who focuses on antitrust cases. “RealPage could end up really being a test case, not just for the real estate rental industry but for this aspect of AI and software and its role in a competitive landscape.”

The impact of algorithmic pricing varies greatly. Amazon has been accused of pushing up prices with a secret algorithm. (Amazon has said the “allegation that we somehow force sellers to use our optional services is simply not true.”) But others operate in plain sight, like dynamic pricing for rideshare costs, and don’t involve multiple companies sharing information. Not all of these algorithms are engaged in activity that may be considered anticompetitive. A Nevada judge in May dismissed a suit brought by hotel guests against several Las Vegas hotel operators, finding there was no agreement among them to fix prices using shared algorithms.

Yardi Systems, another US property management company, is also facing a class action suit regarding antitrust violations for artificially inflating rent prices. The company has said it did “nothing illegal,” as it does not mandate rent prices through its software or make “collusive pricing decisions.”

Typical rental costs in Phoenix have increased by more than about $500 a month from April 2020 to 2024, and by around $400 in Washington, DC, in the same period, according to Zillow.

Renters have also filed numerous class action suits against RealPage and property owners that have been consolidated. Some landlords named in those settled claims earlier this year. The court threw out a lawsuit regarding price fixing for student housing but has said the class action from renters can go forward. Attorneys representing some of the plaintiffs in the class action did not respond to requests to comment.

RealPage laid off about 4 percent of staff in June. “RealPage is hyper-focused on innovation and accelerating its business growth in 2024 and beyond, and as a result has made the decision to eliminate a small number of roles within the company,” Jennifer Bowcock, a spokesperson for the company, says. The layoffs were not connected to the antitrust lawsuit, she says. Thoma Bravo, the owner of RealPage, did not respond to a request for comment for this story.

As of 2020, RealPage said it was collecting data on some 16 million rental units across the US. There are 44 million renter households in the US, and nearly 22 million rental units are owned by for-profit businesses. RealPage grew when it acquired Lease Rent Options (LRO) in 2017, after clearing antitrust scrutiny by the Justice Department. The DOJ did not comment on questions from WIRED about its reported investigation into RealPage or its approval of RealPage’s acquisition of Lease Rent Options in 2017.

When asked about the latest in the probe, RealPage referred to a portion of its recent lengthy statement, which said: “The DOJ extensively reviewed LRO and YieldStar in 2017, without objecting to, much less challenging, any feature of the products.” RealPage also says that its “products are fundamentally the same today” as they were when the acquisition received approval.

In June, The New York Times asked assistant US attorney general Jonathan Kanter, the Justice Department’s top antitrust official, if he would view an AI tool communicating pricing information as the same as humans colluding, with the question referencing the reported RealPage investigation. Kanter replied: “I often say that if your dog bites somebody, you’re responsible for your dog biting somebody. If your AI fixes prices, you’re just as responsible.”

The Justice Department also last year filed a statement of interest in the RealPage combined class action lawsuit, as the case could become a precedent setter in algorithmic pricing. The statement mirrored Kanter’s argument that the method of price setting doesn’t matter, and algorithms are just the latest evolution in information gathering and sharing.

“In-person handshakes gave way to phone and fax, and later to email. Algorithms are the new frontier,” the Justice Department argued in a statement of interest it filed in the class action lawsuit against RealPage and landlords. “And, given the amount of information an algorithm can access and digest, this new frontier poses an even greater anti-competitive threat than the last.”

[darlenicy]

Winx Club Trix Aesthetic inspired by my rewrite: It could've been us

Icy ~ Witch of eternal Ice

Darcy ~ Witch of Darkness

Stormy ~ Witch of Storms

Lilith ~ Witch of Earth (oc)

I tried to put their hobbies and features in it. Gonna explain for those who are interested :)

Icy: Yes, she is doing horseriding in my rewrite. It was her way to calm down and forget about the unfairness in her life. The horse's name is Imbolc. As mentioned in my rewrite, Icy's family had fallen from grace and became impoverished so it wasn't actually Icy's own horse. In fact, after most of the land of the Whisperia's was taken, they had to sell all their other properties too including the horses. However the new owners allowed Icy to still care for and ride it. She always lived in the fear, that they would eventually sell Imbolc. Then there is her passion for playing the piano. Unfortunately she isn’t able to take piano lessons anymore but whenever she has to calm down, she will go and play the piano no matter what time it is. Sometimes there will fly the sound of a piano melody through the deserted corridors of Cloud Tower at midnight.

Darcy: She has a thing going on with divination. Actually, she suffers from visions from time to time. Some of them come true, others not. It's always shown to her what could happen. She can't control the visions and was especially as a child afraid of them. So she decided to learn about them and make visions and, connected with that, divination her own specialty. This is also how she got into mind-reading and mind-control. She searched for a way to control her powers and the visions. It's not possible to really control the visions though but the way she embraced the powers helped her to manage to control the rest of her powers and use them as a weapon.

Lilith: Now Lilith is a secret actually, but I am willing to share a bit about her. She comes from a royal line in exile and Lilith stills sees herself as royalty and having the right to do what she yearns for: the dragon flame. Her powers are earth based because of her origin and connection to her (former) country (or planet in this case). Just like Stormy she likes testing her limits by going all out. Everything she does is extreme, everything she feels is extreme. There is nothing more she hates than to stand still and accept the status quo. She will only accept what she thinks is right. However, she shoulders a heavy burden and tries to numb it with drugs, sex and alcohol at some points. As said above, she goes all out to reach her goals and will always to whatever she likes to fulfill her own pleasure. And she’s hungry for it. Pleasure and power are the things she’s living for.

Stormy: She’s a rulebreaker. Given being the youngest sibling, she was always cherished and never really learned limits. She has problems in controlling herself and wants to taste every bit of life as best as possible. She too was an outsider in school as a kid but not because of the same reasons as Darcy and Icy (Darcy being the mysterious weird girl with the intense stare and Icy being cold and cruel so that everyone feared her). Stormy was the one who beat the other children up. Sometimes for fun and because she could, sometimes because the others dared to talk dirty about her family. She got called out by teachers a lot but she didn’t care. As said above, she doesn’t know any other limits than herself. So she does what she likes whenever she likes. She's smoking because she likes to, because it shows her rebellious side. She also has several tattoos, simply because she fkn can. She won’t surrender and behave, nor bow to anyone. That might become a problem though and a lesson she will learn at some point.

[firespirited]

It's always funny to me how a company says "we own everything an employee makes even on their own time" when the employee can just...

not tell them. Sit on it until they're unemployed.

well... about that... Carter Bryant waited until his contract was over before pitching the full Bratz concept while trying to get work elsewhere.

When Bratz made it big, someone at Mattel did manage to remember he had at some point vaguely tried to pitch a teen doll line and it'd been rejected and they went digging. In court, they used the fact that he'd done some sketches on the free notepads they hand to their designers as evidence it probably wasn't done on company time but on company "property".

For a while there Mattel owned Bratz until the decision was reversed. And you might be thinking like I did, ah good the property reverted to its original owner.

Nope, Bryant gets nothing. MGAe are using the work he did in the early 2000s on the repros and he gets nothing. Both big doll companies won't employ him. Same for Garrett Sander: he sells artwork of "teen monsters" and does conventions.

It was part of their job to keep coming up with ideas and pitch as many as possible but it's also part of their job that they're disposable as designers... but if they pitch old ideas there's a chance it could result in litigation. I can't be certain but I think Sanders is hamstrung by having worked extensively on the (non cartoon) She-Ra: he couldn't pitch a warrior princess, magical girl or superhero line to any company without Mattel saying they own it or some design elements like a cape and sword combo, look they have these files in their vaults!

This, from companies that copy liberally from each other, from celebs and from fashion. The whole thing is absurd. These two designers have less ownership over their work than your local painter.

So a doll designer can't sit on anything unless they keep their ideas in their head and it's literally their job to be not just spitballing but sketching ideas all day and the company will only produce a few (but own them all).

I don't know many many industries this spans but it's wild: imagine Disney suing Taika Waititi for a new film he wrote the super basic outline for while he was bored on a plane for a press conference for Thor 4 because he used a company rental tablet to rehearse for questions and send himself an email, what if it had jokes he pitched in a writers' room at some point not knowing someone was keeping minutes?

Steven Sumners currently works for MGAe but I've been following on flickr since the 2010s and he's worked at Spinmaster, Mattel and Hasbro. They're expected to bounce around the industry as doll lines come and go but somehow keep the ideas flowing but also locked in their heads? Also no royalties, no copyright. Baffling.

[fizziefactory]

Future of the Fizzies

As much as I'm making fun of how brief that ad was and all

This is actually going to do a ton for my rps. Because, to start with, will Loo Loo Fizzy be up and running still? Will he be sold off?

If the latter, @rollinpinwheel Pinwheel is going to be A Problem to whoever thinks it's a wise financial decision to buy this piece of scrap metal.

As for the fizzies on @fizziefactory ...

Mortis would continue working for Satan I'm sure, no reason to cut that contract tbh.

Thizzy and Doc I've had involved with several Belphegors, so I consider them safe and connected too. If the Fizzy Clinic for some reason gets shut down because it loses profit however, they will be sold off as well, or scrapped. Godspeed to whoever put money into purchasing Doc-

Mizzy and Ginger are sold property, however, this also means that their novelty has ran out. Mizzy's owner might keep Mizzy around because she's a wish-fulfilment in general for his loser ass, but Ginger? She works really hard, yeah... but if the kids' parents think the kids will grow bored of him (even if some of them will protest really hard), he might end up tossed in the garbage.

And there Is the possibility that if the Glam Sisters become the new bots, Mizzy's owner Will throw her out too. She Just got there, he literally bought her After Fizzarolli quit, but it also means that he might very quickly grow bored of her if the twins become a better option.

As for the factory, FF-8842 would be scrapped and remade if the Glam Sisters will become a thing, but there's also the possibility that they'll be sold for the very first time. At a Really cheap price, considering they lack certain parts to fulfil their role as a sex robot... but sold nevertheless.

And the Manager... I'm torn. I see several possibilities.

He's remade into a Glam Sister, because Mammon can't stand looking at him (and he's nothing Like Fizz in the first place) but he's too good at what he does to throw away.

He is sold off like everyone else, which would leave you with the most bitter and condescending companion bot you've ever met, who's got 1 million better things to do than to please You

He'll be scrapped and remade, just like FF-8842.

He simply leaves on his own. He's got other businesses than the Fizzy Factory going on, and he is Good with the paperwork, writing himself out of this situation is not something I can't see him do.

[aeshnacyanea2000]

What would an ideal Season 4 of Hannibal look like to you? What plot elements would you like to see? Or do you even want a Season 4?

Thank you so much for this ask!

Do I want Bryan Fuller to get the chance to make a season 4? Honestly, no. As far as canon is concerned, I think the season 3 finale (without the zinger) was the best case scenario for a series finale. It leaves enough room for interpretation, for a variety of scenarios as to what could come next.

If I could magically have exactly the season 4 I dream about? Ooof, that's more complicated. Because I have several ideas for a potential season 4.

There are just three things that are absolute must-haves for any hypothetical season 4 for me:

obviously, Hannibal is still alive

the zinger is not something that actually happened (if it gets referenced at all, then it's a dream sequence)

Bedannibal is endgame (that does not mean there has to be any significant amount of Bedannibal screen time in the season, but it should end with the two of them reunited)

Another thing I'd like to see is the aftermath of what happened, and the consequences for the characters. No convenient time-skip to gloss over the procedural/legal implications. I want to see the full cluster fuck unfold. The scandal, the public outrage, the internal FBI investigation and the politics. The media circus. I want to see Freddie Lounds having the time of her life spinning the story of the murder husbands, of Will Graham freeing Hannibal Lecter.

As for the actual season 4 story arc, or rather potential story arcs, here are some of my ideas:

Murder husbands not so happily ever after:

Hannibal manages to save both himself and Will from the ocean, and gets them away to lick their wounds. He once again forgives Will for his betrayal, and believes that they can now finally have the life he always wanted for them. Will seemingly agrees. But all is not as rosy as Hannibal dreamed it, and real life together proves disappointing. Will may be everything Hannibal hoped for when it comes to being his partner in murder, but he finds him lacking in other areas of their life together. And Will harbors considerable resentment over the failure of his murder-suicide plan. In the end, their happy life implodes, and this time in a terminal way, with Hannibal killing Will. Heartbroken, Hannibal seeks out the one person he never found lacking: Bedelia.

2. A helping hand:

Hannibal manages to drag himself out of the ocean and evade the searches of the FBI. But he is injured, and needs help. And there is only one person he trusts enough to provide that help. Bedelia du Maurier.

Bedelia, for her part, has anticipated this possibility, and prepared accordingly. Despite Will Graham's threats, she has not left her home. When Hannibal manages to sneak back into Baltimore and climbs over the back wall of her property into her garden, she is ready and waiting. She confronts him before he can try to enter her house, keeping him at a distance at gunpoint until he gives her his word that he will not harm her, and begs for her help.

Bedelia is prepared to help, but not here. She orders him to wait right where he is, disappears into the house for a few moments, and returns with a bag. Then she asks him if he has a car nearby, and when Hannibal answers in the affirmative, tells him to lead the way. They leave the property over the back wall, the same way Hannibal got there.

Once in his car, she directs him across town to what turns out to be a closed down veterinary practice. When Hannibal warns her that all such places would have received an advisory to be on the lookout for him or any signs of break-ins etc. she informs him that this particular practice has been shut down for a few months, ever since the owner died. And it will likely remain shut down for a long while, since there is an ongoing dispute about the estate the man left behind.

When Hannibal questions how she knows about this place, Bedelia reveals that she overheard a conversation between two former customers of this veterinary during a spa visit a while ago. The two women were gossiping freely, and she learned a lot of useful information. Including where to find a spare key for the back door, and the likely code for the alarm system.

Bedelia's info proves correct. They use the practice and a mixture of supplies found there and others Bedelia brought in her bag to patch Hannibal up.

Once that is done, they have a talk.

Earlier, when she first confronted Hannibal in her garden, she asked if Will Graham was with him. Now, she returns to that line of inquiry, asking if Will is still alive. Hannibal doesn't know. He tells her he doesn't care, because after his latest betrayal, he is finished with Will. While Bedelia is happy to hear that, it's not the point of her question. She doesn't say so, but Hannibal can read her well and asks, prompting her to tell him about Will's threats towards her. Hannibal is outraged, and now hopes the man is dead.

They move on to the next topic: the immediate future. Bedelia makes it clear that whatever Hannibal has planned as his next step, she will not come with him. She needs to remain in her home so as not to draw any attention. Hannibal is disappointed, but he understands.

Bedelia does ask if he has a safe place he can go and lay low in. Hannibal tells her truthfully that while the cliff side house was his main safe house, he does have a few other boltholes. But it's been more than three years since he could check on them. They may not be there and safe anymore. He will have to see.

Bedelia is not happy to hear that, and to Hannibal's surprise offers him an alternative. She hands him a printout of a map, of the kind hikers use. It shows some rural area, one numbered state road, a few smaller, local roads branching off of it, going into stretches of woodland dotted with small lakes. A very thin road branching off from one of the local roads is highlighted. It leads up to one of those lakes, and the spot where it ends practically on the lake shore is marked with an X there on the map. Otherwise, only the big road is labeled with a number, but no further identifying localities are shown. It could be anywhere along that road.

Bedelia explains that this is in upstate New York, and the X on the map shows a private holiday cabin. A cabin which was originally built in the 1920s, then later bought by a decidedly shady business man, who hid it under an offshore company registered in the name of his last mistress. When she died many years later, it was left in a trust.

That woman was Bedelia's "great-aunt Marie", not an actual relative, but a friend of her paternal grandmother. Bedelia is the only still living beneficiary of the trust the woman left behind. The trust is managed by a law firm in Switzerland. No chance of anybody tracing it back to Bedelia.

The cabin used to be rented out through a local agency, but bookings had become sparse in the last years, and Bedelia arranged for it to be taken off the market about a year ago. It is still in decent repair. Hannibal is touched and very grateful for her help. And he hopes that at some point in the future, after the manhunt for him has died down, they will be able to meet again and he will get the chance to show her his gratitude.

Bedelia and Hannibal part ways not far from her home, after he drives her back to her neighborhood. Then he sets out for the cabin, and Bedelia prepares for a visit from the FBI, and potentially also from Will Graham, should he still be alive.

3. Will Graham's descend into darkness:

After his attempted murder-suicide, Will is pulled from the ocean by a fishing boat, more dead than alive, but he somehow manages to pull through and recover. Of Hannibal Lecter, no trace is found either alive or dead.

Physically, Will has a bunch of new scars, some lasting mementos that will twinge every time the weather turns, but over all he makes an almost miraculous recovery and regains his old strength. Mentally…

After the inevitable investigations and media circus finally die down, he returns to his life with Molly and Walter, and at first all seems as well as can be expected. But that's not true.

That fight at the cliff side house awakened something in Will Graham. He finally gave in to his dark side, thinking it would be the end. But it wasn't, and now his inner darkness will not allow him to stifle it once more.

He tries to resist, at first, but circumstances conspire against him. Molly has some trouble at work with a local asshole who is harassing her. When Will encounters the man alone and witnesses him abusing a dog, he tries to intervene, the situation escalates, and Will kills him. And he feels the same rush, the same high as during the fight with the Red Dragon.

Will manages to make the body disappear, aided by the fact that the guy was an all round asshole and involved in shady stuff, and nobody is sad he is gone. But after that first incident, the dam inside Will is broken. His next killing is planned.

Gradually, his behavior escalates. More dangerous victims, more "artistic" murders, less careful disposal of the bodies. (Perhaps, mid-season, one of his kills is found, and to Wills delight there is speculation that it is the work of Hannibal Lecter, that Hannibal is still alive after all.)

But while Will is now thoroughly enjoying his own twisted darkness, these killings still can't seem to scratch that inner itch.

And then there is some news item about Bedelia du Maurier, and suddenly all his dark urges have a new focus. The woman he has hated and been jealous of for so long. And now, he decides that he will finally have his revenge.

Bedelia was seemingly unaffected by the events of the season 3 finale, refusing to leave her home after Will's threats, and even after the news that Hannibal Lecter has escaped.

She did eventually leave, when Freddie Lounds and other reporters got too annoying in the aftermath of it all. Nobody knew where she had gone, until now. Will gathers as much information as he can, and carefully plans his attack.

The season finale is him carrying out his plan, only to get a nasty surprise: Bedelia is not living alone. She has been sharing her new refuge with none other than Hannibal Lecter. And the two of them have anticipated his attack, and prepared for it. Will Graham has stepped into a carefully prepared trap.

Epilogue: a news bulletin about the gruesome discoveries in the woods not far from Will and Molly's home, where evidence found in an old hunting cabin provided proof that the missing former FBI consultant Will Graham has become a serial killer and is responsible for a number of disappearances and murders, some of which were suspected to be the work of Hannibal Lecter. Given the new evidence, there is now no doubt they were the work of Will Graham. While Hannibal Lecter's fate remains unclear, there is no indication that he survived the altercation between him, Mr. Graham and the killer known as the Tooth Fairy. Mr. Graham is currently missing, and presumably on the run.

4. The shadow of the monster:

The dead body of Will Graham is fished from the Atlantic ocean several days after the fight at Hannibal's safe house. No trace of Hannibal, dead or alive, is found. Weeks pass, then months. Gradually, the furor surrounding the escape of Hannibal the Cannibal dies down, and life returns to some semblance of normal. The official investigations take longer of course, but without any trace of Hannibal being found, and with the surviving conspirators (Jack and Alana) with every reason to remain silent, they aren't having much success.

And then Alana Bloom receives a package with a bottle of a specific craft beer that she liked - not the beer Hannibal brewed specifically for her, of course, but another one he did serve to her - and some also very specific sweets. The date the package arrives is exactly the date of Hannibal's last dinner party. Or, in other words, the date Alana slept with Hannibal for the first time.

Alana is instantly convinced that this is coming from Hannibal. But there is no definite proof. No note, no fingerprints or DNA traces, and the package itself got sent in such a way that the true origin and who exactly posted it cannot be traced.

Over the next weeks, the other "old acquaintances" of Hannibal Lecter receive similar mail. Jack Crawford, Bedelia du Maurier, Frederick Chilton, Margot Verger. Even Freddie Lounds. Always items that are reminiscent of encounters with Hannibal, but never any concrete proof that this is coming from him.

Once again, the investigations ramp up, and this time, Jack and Alana are on opposing sides. Alana is convinced Hannibal is alive, Jack keeps insisting - partly because that's the story he told until now and he has to stick to it or open himself up to questioning again - that Hannibal is dead and this is someone else. But he can't explain how anybody else would know about these things.

The recipients of the packages react with varying degrees of fear and paranoia, but none are unaffected. And all of them try to work out who could be behind it all, with varying levels of cooperation between each other, and between them and the official FBI investigation. None of them realize that the sender of these packages is right in their midst.

Bedelia was disappointed and heartbroken when Hannibal gave himself up to the FBI three years ago. Over time, those feelings changed to anger. Anger at Will Graham, anger at Hannibal himself, and of course anger at the other players in this game, starting with Alana and the Vergers, and Jack Crawford.

As Will Graham said, if you play, you pay. Bedelia has paid her own price in the pain she has been feeling ever since Florence. Will Graham has finally paid the ultimate price for his obsession. Hannibal may or may not be still alive, but even if he is, Will Graham is dead, and Bedelia knows that death will hurt Hannibal. Right now, she does not feel any sympathy for him. He deserves that pain. But the others, they deserve pain, too. And Bedelia has no more fucks to give. She is ready to burn everything down. Life after Hannibal has been boring, stultifying. She has nothing else to occupy her time. And she misses him. And now she has found the perfect outlet for her emotions, and a task to occupy her time.

Hannibal meanwhile is still alive, licking his wounds. He finds out about what's going on, and is intrigued, but also annoyed that someone would pretend to be him. (He is particularly angry that Bedelia is among the targets of this person.) He decides to investigate.

[superman86to99]

Action Comics #700 (June 1994)

"THE BATTLE FALL OF METROPOLIS"! Metropolis falls, quite literally! But, on the bright side, so does Lex Luthor, because Lois Lane finally busts his ass after 700 issues (give or take).

This super-sized anniversary issue starts with Lois recapping all the dirt she's dug up on "Lex Luthor Jr." during the past several months, including the fact that he's actually the original, supposedly dead Lex Luthor in a clone body. Lex tried to have Lois discredited by planting wacky headlines with her byline at the Daily Planet's computers and framing her for financial crimes (on top of blowing up her apartment), but now she finally has hard evidence of his crimes thanks to her informant at LexCorp, only known as "Deep Quote." (Is this the first reference to Linda Lovelace's oeuvre in a Superman story? Comics and/or porno historians, sound off in the comments.)

Despite having been fired from the Planet (see: "wacky headlines" above), Lois manages to present her evidence in front of Commissioner Henderson, Perry White, and Planet owner Franklin Stern... who still thinks this cloning business sounds like "science fiction." That's a weird thing to say when you live in the DC Universe. Hell, there's a whole government agency devoted to cloning just outside Metropolis! Or maybe I should say there was, because, right when Stern is about to apologize to Lois, everyone hears a massive explosion coming from Project Cadmus' direction -- as seen last issue, some of Lex's armored henchmen just dropped a goddamn mountain on Cadmus while fighting Superman and Superboy.

Superboy, who was all laughs last issue but seems to be taking his friends' apparent deaths much harder now, wants to look for survivors, but Superman again tells him there's no point, because "there's no one alive in Cadmus that needs our help anymore." Instead, they go look for the Lex-Men who caused this whole mess so they can bring them to justice. They're soon joined by Supergirl, who takes every opportunity she can get to destroy LexCorp property since breaking up with Lex himself in her recent miniseries (and that was before she found out he's actually a creepy old guy in a young body).

Meanwhile, Lex (whose clone body is rapidly deteriorating) is hiding in his yacht with his most faithful cronies, his scientific aide Dr. Sydney Happersen and his long-time physician Dr. Gretchen Kelley, the same woman who pretended to be his "mother" for the Lex Jr. ruse. Since Lex is gonna be here for a while, Dr. Kelley volunteers to go to the city and pick up some meds for him. Lex thinks that's a great idea... until he sees Kelley on TV, spilling the beans on his whole operation to Lois. That's right, Kelley was "Deep Quote" all along! Which was pretty obvious if you've been paying attention, but then again Lex has a long history of rejecting the obvious.

Kelley also spilled the beans on Lex's location to Superman, who suddenly bursts into the yacht to nab him once and for all. But Lex has an ace that he's been hiding up his sleeve for a long-ass time: a slew of "sonic torpedoes" reverse engineered from tech left behind by the alien invaders from DC's 1988 Invasion! crossover, which he hid somewhere under Metropolis in case he ever felt like pulverizing the city. Lex, who thinks he'll die any moment, seems perfectly willing to take millions with him -- until Superman asks him if he really wants the people of Metropolis, "his" city, to remember him as the guy who blew the whole place up. The "American Hitler," as Superman puts it.

Lex, who got into this whole mess in the first place because he wanted people to love him more than Superman, breaks down and agrees not to launch the torpedoes.

And then, for the first time in his life... Dr. Happersen disobeys Lex Luthor's wishes. Too bad those wishes were "let's not destroy a city."

After years of quietly taking abuse from Lex, Happersen finally snaps and launches those torpedoes. Lex tries to stop him by shooting at him with the death laser in his iron lung (of course Lex Luthor has a death laser in his iron lung), but it's too late. The torpedoes are activated, meaning that the city is as cooked as Happersen himself, who dies in Superman's arms seconds later.

Superman asks Luthor where the torpedoes are buried, but Lex, who looks genuinely distraught, honestly doesn't know. He always let Happersen handle little details like that.

Before Superman can even reach Metropolis, one of the torpedoes has already hit the WGBS building. He gets there right in time to race against the torpedo headed for the Daily Planet... but, as you might have guessed from this issue's cover, the torpedo wins the race.

If the city hadn't been evacuated a few issues ago due to the Underworlders' terrorist attacks, everyone in the Planet's staff would be dead now (thanks, ugly sewer mutant terrorists!). Superman does manage to prevent Lois, Ron Troupe, and, unfortunately, Jimmy Olsen from getting rolled over by the Planet's iconic globe after the building collapses, but only by destroying what's left of it. Perry White is following the action from the Planet's temp offices outside the city, and he looks about as emotionally devastated as he did in the issue when his son died.

Meanwhile, the other underground torpedoes are doing their best to turn Metropolis' skyline into a flat line. The only major building spared is the one belonging to Clark Kent's old employer, Newstime Magazine, but only because its owner happens to be a demonic entity with torpedo-deflecting powers, Lord Satanus. To his credit, Satanus does plant an idea in Superman's mind for how to stop the rest of the torpedoes: digging a big ditch all across Metropolis to intercept them (thanks, demonic entity posing as media magnate!).

As Superman, Superboy, and Supergirl stop most of the torpedoes, Satanus helps them out by redirecting the remaining ones to a more deserving target: LexCorp's giant L-shaped building, which is now shaped like a bunch of rubble.

With the torpedo problem solved, Luthor is finally arrested and exposed to the citizens of Metropolis as a no-goodnik, as Superman begins the long task of rebuilding the city by putting the Daily Planet globe back together. Yes, Metropolis is in pretty bad shape, and even Superman himself seems discouraged for a moment, but as Lois correctly points out: hey, at least it ain't Coast City!

Creator-Watch:

This issue marks the end of Roger Stern's distinguished run as Action Comics writer, which began exactly 100 issues ago... sort of, since he started writing Action when it was a weekly series and Superman only got two pages per issue. When John Byrne suddenly left the Superman books some months after that, in late 1988, Stern was an obvious choice to replace him, given his closeness to Byrne, his ample talents, and, well, the fact that he was already there.

Since then, Stern became one of the main architects of the over-arching storyline that made this era in Superman comics so special. His role as the Super-Squad's resident "continuity cop" enriched these comics tremendously. For instance, according to Dan Jurgens, it was Stern's idea to bring back an obscure character called Hank Henshaw as the Cyborg Superman instead of creating a new baddie for "Reign of the Supermen," which is the sort of thing that makes digging through hundreds of backissues worth it. Stern also wrote the bulk of the years-long Eradicator saga, Supergirl's evolution from lump of goo to proper hero, and, of course, Lex Luthor's long, strange journey leading to this issue (more on that later).

It's hard to imagine our beloved '86-'99 period without Roger Stern. Good thing he'll be back before too long, albeit in a reduced capacity...

Character-Watch:

With this issue, we a bid adieu to doctors Sydney Happersen and Gretchen Kelley, two of the most memorable characters ever to serve as Luthor's lackeys. Both were introduced in Byrne's Superman #2 (1987), and it's interesting that both were instantly portrayed as somewhat sympathetic: Happersen doesn't want to remove the kryptonite from Metallo's chest because he thinks it'd kill him (and looks shocked when Luthor pulls it out anyway), and Kelley is the one that warns Lex about Lana Lang's bizarre allergy to truth serum.

(Probably didn't help that they had a serious mold problem in that room.)

It's also interesting that Kelley was the only lackey on a first-name basis with Lex, hinting at the backstory that was revealed in Action #660: she was a small-town doctor until a young Lex swept her off her feet and turned her into his lover, only to ditch her for someone with larger boobs. Kelley became an alcoholic and ended up in jail, ruining her medical career, until Lex came to "reclaim" her and gave her a permanent job. I'm guessing the "old lovers" bit was added mainly to make the Lex Jr. story seem plausible, but it also helps explain why someone like her would stick with Lex for so long. She was clearly still in love with him, and the Lex Jr. ruse allowed her to imagine an alternate life where they were more than just employer and employee. I always like this bit from Action #676, before readers found out Lex Jr. was Lex Sr.:

In the Lex Jr. storyline, Kelley wasn't just lying to the world; she was lying to herself. Until she just couldn't lie anymore, I guess.

As for Happersen, he never had a backstory, but he didn't really need one. He was the prototypical meek henchman who'd do anything for his boss despite being treated like trash, which is why I found his breakdown at the end both logical and satisfying. Kelley and Happersen will each get a couple of flashback appearances after this issue, but they've been completely ignored by every revamp and reboot since. As much as I like them, I'm completely okay with that because their stories are over, and that's such a rare thing in comics.

Plotline-Watch:

The big subplot in this issue is Lana Lang's wedding to Pete Ross, which she said she wanted to hold "as soon as possible" after encountering Bizarro (and confirming that she's absolutely over Clark) in Action #697. Lois, Clark, and Supergirl are a bit busy to attend, but Ma and Pa Kent are there and even lend Lana their farmhouse for the ceremony. Other than Pa watching the chaos in Metropolis on TV, these scenes are completely disconnected from the rest of the issue, and I suspect they're only here for two reasons: 1) to tease readers with "Someone's getting married!" in the preview blurbs (remember that Lois and Clark had been engaged for a few years by now), and 2) to give Superman legends Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson some work. That last part makes the scenes worth it, in my opinion, especially since we even get a peek at how Swan would draw the Super-Mullet when Lana is thinking back on everything she's gone through with Clark.

The "we've had buildings dropped on us" scene Lana remembers is from Action #644, and the one who dropped the building was actually Supergirl/Matrix when she was suffering from Eradicator-triggered insanity. The "I've been kidnapped" issue, meanwhile, is Byrne's classic Superman #2, which leads us to...

Intentionally or not, there's a good numbers of parallels between this issue and the aforementioned Superman #2: Lana's most tragic moment and Lana's happiest moment; Happersen and Kelley's introduction and their exit; Superman angrily bursting into Lex's office and triumphantly bursting into his yacht; Lex getting away with it and Lex getting arrested. But the most significant connection is the fact that Superman #2 was the first time Lex put on his kryptonite ring, which is what sets off the long chain of events leading to this issue: him getting cancer (Action #600), faking his own death (Action #660), moving his brain to a younger body (revealed in Action #678), being infected with a clone-only disease (circa Man of Steel #31), and ending up as a sick, raving lunatic in an iron lung outfitted with death lasers.

What's definitely intentional, knowing Stern, is the fact that Lex's last stand happens in the Sea Queen, the same luxury yacht where he first met Superman (The Man of Steel #4). Both issues end with Lex getting arrested, but presumably he'll be behind bars for longer than two hours this time -- or maybe not, since the last time we see Luthor, he's thinking that "there are cards I've yet to play!" We'll find out what he means in Action #701.

While Lois is presenting her evidence against Lex, we learn that she first came into contact with Dr. Kelley/"Deep Quote" at the end of the "Bizarro's World" storyline, right after she learned of Lex Jr.'s sickness/shocking baldness (Superman #88). Unsurprisingly, Lex didn't like Lois seeing him like that and ordered Happersen to capture her, but Kelley helped her escape and they hit it off.

When exactly did Kelley decide to turn on Lex? A flashback suggests that it happened during the Supergirl miniseries, where she has an uncharacteristic outburst towards Lex for the way he "uses" Supergirl even though she loves him. We didn't even comment on that scene at the time, but now it seems pretty obvious that, even though Kelley does care for Supergirl, she was actually talking about herself.

Deep cut: at one point, Superman tries to find Lex by taking a Lex-Man's helmet to Professor Hamilton, who says that he recognizes this technology from the armor Lex once trapped poor Jose "Gangbuster" Delgado in, forcing him to act as a remote-controlled bodyguard (Adventures #451). Hamilton's efforts go nowhere, but I appreciate being reminded of Jose's most delightfully bizarre misadventure ever. Miss that dude and his horrible luck.

I also appreciate the shout out to Invasion!, and I wonder if Stern was planning Lex's sonic torpedo gambit from way back in Superman #28, which includes a scene in which Pentagon officials give Lex access to the alien weapons recovered in Australia. I also wonder if Lex thought to himself, "Hmmm, Australia... seems like a nice place to pretend to be from if I ever clone myself a new body."

Something that doesn't pay off is the implication that Colin Thornton/Lord Satanus would become a major villain now that Luthor is (temporarily) out of the picture. He'll pop up here and there, but something tells me that if Stern had stayed on Action, he would have made sure Satanus factored more heavily in big storylines going forward (or even just one big storyline).

Patreon-Watch:

This post ended up being double-sized like the issue itself, so this time we owe double-thanks to our patrons Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, and Gaetano Barreca, for helping us take the time to write it. Double-thanks! Join them at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And believe it or not, we have even more to say about this issue, so don't miss Don Sparrow's section after the jump...

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We begin with the cover, and it’s something of a strange one for such a huge numbered issue.  Jackson Guice rightly recognizes that the destruction of the Daily Planet is the most arresting image within the story, so that’s what he highlights, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style, but it’s a bit hard to know what to focus on here.  It’s not the best figure drawing of Lois Lane, with her hands in a claw like shape, but she’s still front and centre.  The other possible area of focus is on the Daily Planet globe itself, which then boasts an uncomfortably spread-eagle Superman trying to stop its roll.  But, I give points to Guice for going with a moment from within the story, and not just a generic “this is an anniversary issue” type cover, like we often see. Plus the cross streets of Jurgens/Grummett/Bog/Kitson on the street sign is a fun find.

Inside, we’re greeted immediately with a full splash of a satisfied Lois.  Guice’s Lois has always looked photo-referenced to me, for better or worse.  In this case, I think Guice is a little let down by the colourist, who extends the pinkness of Lois’ bottom lip all the way to the corner of her mouth which turns her smile into more of a smirk than I think the inks on their own intend.

On page 6 we get another version of Guice’s rubble pits—not a strength for him as much as someone like Tom Grummett, who was born to draw rubble (And everything else!) as the edges of the pit always look a little sharp to me.   

Superboy’s rage at the destruction of Cadmus is well-observed—and Superboy looks very much like the youth he is—he can sometimes be drawn like a small adult, instead of having softer, teenaged features, but Guice does a good job on this page. Supergirl’s coy expression as she lets the libidinous Superboy down gently on page 14 is a funny drawing, and a great character moment in all the action, to boot.

It may just be novelty, or nostalgia, but the quieter moments back in Smallville, as Lana Lang prepares for her wedding ceremony, are my favorite pages.  Curt Swan’s gentle, naturalistic lines are a nice counterpoint to the hectic pace of the fall of Metropolis.   

The entire page of Lois revealing Lex Junior’s crimes to a live television audience is all well drawn—there’s an urgency in Lois’ posture to the camera that feels very real as you read it.  This, followed up shortly by Lex’s horror at Dr. Kelley’s betrayal is another great piece of drawing.  Then, on the very next page, Superman Kool-Aid-Man-ing his way through Lex’s hideaway is maybe the best single image of Superman in the book. 

There’s a cute tribute to former Super-teamster, Jerry Ordway, as Peggy (who shares her first name with Jerry Ordway’s real life wife) plays De Koven and Scott’s “Oh Promise Me” not on a Steinway piano, as she might have on our Earth, but rather a “Jordway” piano.  If the lyrics we see sound familiar, it could be because this same wedding song appeared in numerous film and TV weddings, including All in the Family, Mama’s Family and, for you Canadian readers, the Sullivan-produced Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel, during Diana’s wedding.  I do wonder if Revered Brewster was supposed to look like Ordway—his hairstyle is similar, though Brewster is a little heavier set than Ordway.

Back to the “action” of Action #700, pages 33-35 all make great use of a diagonal panel layout, to maximize the space as Superman gives chase to the missiles, which unfortunately find their target, the Daily Planet.  Perry White’s shattered expression as he watches the place he loves fall apart is particularly haunting. 

The effect of Collin Thornton’s demonic helmet overlaid his human form is a great visual.  Lastly, for those of us old enough to remember the attacks of 9-11, there’s an eerie prescience to these images of tangled debris and smoking skylines.

On the whole, the events here—Luthor going full villain, Metropolis being reduced to rubble—seem fitting in scale for a nice big round issue number like 700.  But, given how relatively quickly these changes are undone in the issues to come, it also feels symbolic of the post-Death-and-Return era of comics—just trying status-quo changing “events” and trying to recapture the buzz they stumbled into with the death storyline.          

SPEEDING BULLETS:

There’s a funny in-joke during Lois’ phone call with Superman, as editor Mike Carlin slips in a warning to Tom Grummett about an issue being late.  Though Grummett is not normally known for lateness, at this time he is drawing both Superboy and Robin comics monthly, so he can be forgiven for the odd slip.

Jonathan Kent railing at the television in response to Lex’s seeming impunity feels completely modern to me, reading it in 2024.  Honestly, couldn’t you see certain political factions of today defending Lex’s actions, had they been perpetrated by the de facto leader of their party?

How do we feel about Lex not being quite villainous enough to blow up Metropolis?  Does it feel like a cop-out, or would it have put Lex into a level of villainy the writers didn’t want to go to?  Story-wise, I have to admit, it feels strange that the disasters seen on the cover and throughout bear the fingerprints of Sidney Happersen, and not Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our age. [Max: I like it! Lex is evil, but he does seem to love Metropolis in his way, and he wouldn't spend so much time on philanthropic ventures if he didn't need people's adoration on some level. I think this is an interesting conundrum Stern put him in, and having Happersen do what Lex couldn't is a clever way to make sure the issue didn't end in a big anti-climax.]

GODWATCH: As with many a Roger Stern script, religious references abound in this issue, particularly during the wedding scenes, where the newlywedded Lana and Pete certainly seem devout. The unabashed love the Kents show for Lana is very moving throughout. [Max: There's also Lex saying "God forgive me" when he admits he doesn't know how to stop the torpedoes, which is a scene that's always stuck with me. THAT'S his real punishment: not jail, but actually experiencing guilt for a moment.]

As this entire issue is a study in contrasts, we jump from a country church wedding to a demonic character named LORD SATANUS giving Superman the firebreak idea that saves the city!  There’s something very funny about that.

Does Collin Thornton know that Clark Kent is Superman?  It doesn't seem like he does, but with his array of observational powers, you’d think he’d have figured it out. [Max: I'm sure there's something somewhere that contradicts it, but I like the idea of Thornton offering Clark that editor job years ago because he knew his conscience had been compromised by the Eradicator and he wanted a superpowered pawn to use against Blaze.]

Do you agree with Supergirl, that Dr. Kelley is someone to be admired, or given mercy?  Sure, she helped bring down Lex in his latest evil, but she went along with so much, for so long, she’s hardly heroic, is she? [Max: I assume that by "I hope the courts are merciful," Supergirl means "I hope they give her prison library access and not the electric chair." I do feel sorry for Kelley, but she definitely deserves to go to jail for a long time for all those other horrible crimes she didn't prevent, starting with Lana's torture.]

[artbychelcie]

Murder on the Dancefloor: The Chokehold of Oliver Quick

'Saltburn' has catapulted leading actor Barry Keoghan into our daydreams, revitalised music careers stagnant since 2007, and ensured we never look at a bathtub the same way ever again. It's delicious darkness has amassed a huge audience, some revelling in its lurid glory and others questioning what the f*** they just watched. There’s so much to say about this film, so many parallels and Easter eggs that tickle the brain notice - for today, I’m focusing on why Oliver Quick intrigued me the most.

As a devoted horror fan, some of the more controversial scenes served to stimulate rather than disturb… The vampire scene? That's just an average Tuesday night for some. The grave scene? Nothing compared to the visual impact Patrick Bateman’s hobbies. But what did succeed to unnerve me was the turning point of the film, when Felix suprised Oliver with a trip home for his birthday. You watch with stunned panic as she says his dad has been pacing all day waiting for him - in real time the web was unravelled and Oliver's traumatic background was quickly proven to be a façade. For me this scene positioned the 'real' Oliver to the audience, realising the person we thought we knew isn’t real at the same time his friend does. And this is where my interest peaked. For me, this film suddenly turned from a critique of the upper class, to a mythological study of a sociopath, and the subsequent events demonstrate how someone with an apathetic disposition could easily infiltrate and dominate a household of such wealth and status.

On a second watch, I couldn't help but laugh at Felix's naiveity as he pulled into the driveway of this enormous house, and noted that it looked as though his mother 'had really turned things around'. Anyone watching this would immediately question how someone allegedly suffering with severe mental illness and drug abuse issues manages to, in the space of less than 6 months, become the owner of a property of that scale. This small observation highlights just how out of touch Felix is anyone outside of his social class, and how Felix's pity towards Oliver, be it through kindness or ego or a convenient blend of the two, blinded him to the manipulation.

Another incredibly successful aspect of the film is the iconic soundtrack. It has brought some early 2000 musical classics back into the spotlight (we all know the best one) and I can admit I have listened to 'Loneliness' more times in the past two weeks than ever in my 26 years of life. The soubdtrack embodies the nostalgic and romanticised qualities of the film, set in 2006 before smartphones dictated every aspect of daily life, especially as a fresher. I may have been only 10 when Oliver Quick started university, it still made me long for the simplicity of this era of my life, when getting to know another person was fundamentally down to face to face interaction.

The choice to turn back time to the mid 2000s contributes to maintaining the mystery of Oliver's identity, depriving the characters of the ability stalk his social media profiles and forcing them to take his personality at face value. His manipulation, and eventual dismantling of the Catton family, was arguably possible through his ability to present himself without the hinderance of a digital footprint. There was no evidence available to anyone in Oliver's immediate circle of the sisters we found out he had, of the father that had infact not died, nor been an alcoholic drug dealer. So why did he lie?

In analysis I've seen online, many people contribute his deception to a need to be noticed by Felix, or in Oliver's own words, to 'perform' for his attention and friendship.

Revisiting the film, I picked up on certain phrases Oliver used to describe his home life, describing it as 'dirty' and proclaiming he could 'never go back'. To us, this sounds like the way you would describe his chaotic home life he described. But when the reveal comes, you can’t help but question why he’s adamant to distance himself from a seemingly stable, and privileged background.

During the scene, his parents also mention how he is the top scholar at Oxford, a member of the rowing team, participating in the school play... his chronic deception extends beyond the Catton family to his own. They also share with Felix that he was 'such a loner' and was 'so clever' that he struggled to make friends, both earmark characteristics of someone with sociopathic tendencies. This illustrates an individual who has never been satisfied, who always saw himself as superior, and who's fixation with Felix was just a desire to climb up and out of all the menial and average and into a position of absolute control.

The grandiose and self-absorbed lifestyle of the Saltburn estate allowed for someone like Oliver, whatever his original or developed intentions, to blend in without being truly seen until, both before and after death came knocking. The need to stifle emotional expression (We don't want to hear your American feelings, Farleigh!) and the uncomfortable obligation to uphold the British sentiment to 'Keep Calm and Carry On' gave him an invisibility cloak, blending in with his surroundings. It reframed Oliver's awkward disposition as one of politeness, and his manipulative sexual deviancy was guarded by members of the household behind a wall of upper class social etiquette.

I can safely say I have fallen into the deliciously depraved world of Saltburn, so much so I’ve felt like I had to write this. I love experiencing and analysing media, but this one really had me captivated. This is a maze will happily lose myself for weeks to come, especially when it comes to the complex and captivating portrayal of Oliver Quick - I would definetly sign my estate over to that beautiful crazy bastard.

[mysticqueer]

RFA + Saeran adopt dog headcanons bc I’m bored at work and they deserve dogs!!

Zen

this narcissist adopts himself in dog form

decides to adopt a shelter dog, somehow manages to find the most gorgeous dog to ever exist

probably a big breed. I’m imagining a husky!

dog does not leave Zen’s side. when one moves, the other moves. they have the exact same mannerisms. It starts to get a little creepy

he posts so many goddamn dog pictures (mostly selfies with his dog tbh)

insanely active and that only increases after he adopts a dog. he posts 90 Snapchat stories per day of the two of them hiking

as for the dogs personality… well, it’s just like it’s owner ^^^

Jaehee

being the practical gal she is, jaehee adopts a large dog for safety reasons since she lives alone

it wasn’t an easy decision. she was worried that her work schedule would impede her ability to provide a dog with proper care.

but when her work life finally settles down (by some miracle) she finds herself unable to relax

she’s spent so long dealing with work and people that she doesn’t really know how to be alone with nothing to do

enter: DOG

she honestly found most of the dogs at the shelter quite overwhelming. Until she spotted a large mutt, curled up in the corner of its cage and eyeing her with calm, observant eyes

she initially decides to foster the dog and see how things go

she takes her time making the dog comfortable and gaining its trust until it finally comes out of its shell

eventually they are inseparable

the dog likes to lay its head silently on Jaehee’s lap while she works

^^ but of course dogs can’t stay still forever

when it starts to get antsy with boredom, Jaehee knows it’s time to take a break and take care of the needs of her and her best friend!

Saeyoung

you think this fool is capable of only adopting ONE dog???

absolutely not

once everything settles down he buys a giant property and eventually adopts half of a dog shelter

big dogs! small dogs! young dogs! old dogs! he has them all-

constant dogs means constant distraction, which helps him from spiraling into negative thoughts too much

after all, who can possibly be sad when they’re at the bottom of a giant dog cuddle pile?

yes they all sleep in bed with him

he knows every single one inside and out, their personalities, their likes, dislikes, their random quirks and fears

(he gives them all distinctly human names)

(instead of telling the RFA that he adopted a dog he just starts talking about his friend Chad and everyone has to guess whether he’s talking about a human or a dog)

And the dogs?

All distinctly different from one another- aside from ONE trait

You think you’ve seen a protective dog? try a whole PACK of ex-feral dogs who love their owner more than anything

they’re protective of him just in general, which saeyoung somehow fails to notice when they give any non-pack person a death glare for having the AUDACITY to look their owner in the eye

all his life nobody ever protected him. he had to protect himself, which has made him well… yeah

but it’s truly impossible to feel unsafe surrounded by his family

he can finally sleep well at night

Jumin

Jumin… Jumin I love you but you KNOW he bought some 5 pound purse dog for $20000

it’s smaller than elizabeth

(and not happy about it)

The two have an ongoing rivalry that Jumin refuses to acknowledge

he doesn’t fucking know anything about dogs

he does not understand what it’s doing, ever, and frequently consults the RFA chat about some totally normal dog behavior that he cannot understand

to his credit tho, he truly does love his dog, and his dog loves him (and everything jumin spoils him with)

he may learn more about dogs after adopting, but he still doesn’t have time in his schedule for proper dog care

he hires a full-time dog nanny who gets paid more than most of the country (after a VERY intense hiring process)

zen insists that jumin didn’t really adopt a dog, but another cat (or.. well, rat)

zen also has an ongoing rivalry with jumins dog

Jumin CANNOT take it to a dog park bc he gets anxious when they play rough and gets protective of his child (((only a little like a Karen)))))

Yoosung

this boy LOVES dogs!!!

I mean come on he’s basically a golden retriever in human form

he’s so excited to adopt a dog! he gets all the supplies ahead of time, teaches himself basic dog training methods, and looks on Petfinder for months to find the perfect one!!

he adopts a dog that’s really smart!

…too smart….

Smarter than him, perhaps

Yeah he accidentally ends up adopting one of the smartest and most stubborn breeds

It’s more…. The dog training Yoosung than Yoosung training the dog

exactly what every college student needs! a dog with a sixth sense to know when you’re making bad decisions

it will straight up sit on his laptop if he’s up playing LOLOL too late

literally DRAGS him toward somebody to force him to make friends

Yoosung’s dog does not like Saeyoung.

His dog may not be able to make its owner less gullible, but it sure can shoot death glares at Saeyoung when he’s playing a prank

(Saeyoung notably only pranks him over text now)

Saeran

He’s reluctant at first to get an ESA

butttt while he’s being dragged on one of Saeyoung’s (many) visits to the animal shelter, something catches his eye…

It’s a puppy!

It’s a very small puppy

And it’s alone :(

A shelter employee explains that she’s the runt of the litter, and has some health problems as a result. Her mom and siblings were all adopted but she was left behind

….

So Saeran has a dog now

BIG mama bear energy

Even Saeyoung doesn’t DARE even thinking about teasing the puppy… he has enough survival instincts

Cautious to let other people handle her… she’s so fragile

And she’s shy at first.

There’s a solid month when they are physically attached to each other. You see Saeran? dog is sleeping contently cradled in his arms

Saeran is still having trouble opening up to people, but if you pass his door at night you can hear him speaking gently to somebody…

She grows and grows until she doesn’t look so fragile anymore. She starts becoming curious about the world around her

And…(fuck, Saeran thinks) she really likes Saeyoung

Saeran will not leave dog. Dog wants to play with her uncle. Saeran is thus forced to spend time out of his room.

He wants to be upset about it, but he just can’t be negative, seeing her play so happily…

He goes to Starbucks solely for the reason of getting a pup cup

She loves playing with other dogs, so dog park visits become a regular. And damn- dog owners are so social. Surprisingly, Saeran doesn’t mind too much.

Eventually Saeran starts to open up to the rest of the world too

[bogspotting]

The Bog Gets a Checkup

Drum roll, please...

Water chemistry!

Lake health!

Startling the neighbors by taking a turkey baster and going nuts on the Bog!

This week had it all and I'm here to report that, despite the neighbors threatening to call the police on me (note: they do not own the Bog. i wasn't anywhere near their property. They're just like this.), I put together a preliminary health check on the bog!

I will preface this in big red letters: I am not a biochemist. I’m not even a biologist. I’m just some guy with a few fancy test kits they use on their fish tank to check water quality. I followed the outline of the EPA’s National Lakes Assessment (found here: https://nationallakesassessment.epa.gov/webreport/) and a few other resources. Note that I am not entirely sure what the bog qualifies as, and I don’t have the tools to measure the depth of the bog in most spots, but it seems to fit the bill for this survey. I also, for the sake of ease, did my best to translate these findings into a 1-10 scale, with 1 being “this water is dead” and 10 being “call Gwyneth Paltrow, she can bottle and sell this water as a magical health supplement”. 

TL;DR: the bog is being smothered by garbage and dying organic matter.

Here’s what I put together: 

The most obvious measure of lake health is anthropogenic disturbance—basically, how much people have messed with the bog. The answer here is a lot. There is always trash floating in the water, stuck to the vegetation on the shores, half-buried in the muck… Which doesn’t lead to a very healthy lake. I give the Bog a 4/10 on the anthropogenic disturbance scale. It isn’t toxic sludge, but it could be kept cleaner. 

Then comes something known as Secchi Depth, which is a measure of how clear the water is. It’s a really neat little tool that you lower into the water and mark when it vanishes. 

Reports vary, but, in general, you want to aim for a 2-meter (or 6 feet) Secchi depth to be really healthy—the Bog scored at 2 feet. Not amazing. 3/10. 

Another physical aspect of lake health is water color. I pulled up a jar of the Bog and it’s the color of ginger ale. My research suggest that it’s a mix of algae and tannins—which is to be expected, considering how much plant matter is decaying in the bog. 

Look at this. Ick. 

7/10. 

Onto the chemistry! I am not a chemist, but I am a fish keeper and I do this kind of thing a lot. I pulled out my API freshwater testing kit to see what the Bog was like, and here’s what I came away with: 

pH: 7.4 

Square within the average range for lakes and streams, but considered a little basic for fish eggs and fry. We’ll call that a 8/10. 

Ammonia: .75ppm 

Not amazing. Ammonia is highly toxic, it comes from the breakdown of waste. There is a way to tell just how toxic, based on the pH and temperature, but it was a little too much math for me to manage on my own… Anyways, 5/10. 

Nitrite: 0ppm 

Nitrites are toxic too, so this is great. You get nitrites when ammonia is broken down by nitrifying bacteria, so if you have too much ammonia, you’ll usually have too many nitrites. 10/10. 

Nitrates: 2.5ppm 

The pretty older sister of Nitrites, when nitrites are broken down they turn into nitrates, which are less harmful. This is all part of the nitrogen cycle, which is something every aquarium owner both respects and fears. Lakes tend to do it on their own, however. 9/10

What does this all tell us? 

It tells us that the Bog is low on ammonia-oxidizing bacteria (AOB) but is doing alright on nitrite-oxidizing bacteria (NOB). I’m not entirely certain why that’s the case, but the Bog produces (or is supplied with) more ammonia than the AOB can consume. The reason the nitrites are there is likely due to the lack of submerged plantlife. Did I mention that there aren’t any plants in the Bog? Around it, sure, but in it? I haven’t seen anything. The entire bottom is covered in a thick layer of mulm (a mud-like substance made from decaying organic matter), which I assume has choked out the plants. Lack of plants means there’s nothing to eat up all those nitrates. 

Anyhow. 

Phosphates. 

Phosphates are an interesting measure of lake health. Essentially, phosphates are nutrients and having too many of them can lead to fluctuations in algae (the Bog has incredible algae blooms every fall—and it reeks) and even the development of blue-green algae, which creates cyanobacteria, which is very, very deadly. 

So I tested for both phosphates and blue-green algae. 

And there were 0 phosphates. 

No blue-green algae either, which is nice, but no phosphates is unusual. It explains the lack of plant growth, since phosphates are required for plants to exist, but it doesn’t explain the insane algae blooms we get every year. 

I can speculate that those blooms could coincide with people using fertilizer on their lawns to prep for winter, the runoff from which might cause a spike that encourages the algae, but I can’t test that. It could also be a cumulative effect from the runoff throughout the summer. I don’t know. It was unusual. The test, which should have turned a nice seafoam green, was essentially clear. Weird days. 

But! Good news! No blue-green algae, which means no cyanobacteria! The test for that was, in short, terrifying. You put water in a tube and then the tube explodes. It’s only BARELY mentioned that this will happen. It gets lava hot, spews boiling water everywhere, and smells like demons. But no cyanotoxins! Hooray! 10/10 for that! 5/10 for the phosphates. 

Let’s talk about the big boy now. The heavy hitter. The measurement that is first on the list of lake health measurements: dissolved oxygen. 

According to the USGS, “The oxygen content of surface waters of normal salinity in the summer is typically more than 8 milligrams per liter (8 mg/L); when oxygen concentrations are less than 2 mg/L, the water is defined as hypoxic (CENR, 2000). The hypoxia kills many organisms that cannot escape, and thus the hypoxic zone is informally known as the “dead zone.”” 

The lake is sitting at a 6 mg/l DO. Which is low. Why? Probably the lack of plants. This explains the algal blooms, at least, and why the lake smells like death on very hot days, when dissolved oxygen would be at its lowest. It could also suggest an excess of bacteria. 

4/10. 

65/100. A failing grade, but it could be worse! You can definitely pull that up by doing some extra credit! The EPA scale would likely call it "fair". I was able to use this nifty tool to look at some of my measurements and compare them to other lakes in my area: https://owshiny.epa.gov/nla-lake-context-tool/. This is what popped up for Secchi depth:

I was also able to reference some other data in terms of percentiles using this: https://nationallakesassessment.epa.gov/dashboard/?&view=indicator&studypop=al&subpop=epa+region+3&label=pe&condition=good&diff=2v3 If you're looking to check the health of your local body of water (assuming it hasn't already been done! You can check for that too!), I highly recommend poking around the EPA's resources.

If the Bog were one of my tanks, it'd be getting a thorough cleaning, an airstone, and a bunch of live plants.

[earthshipvoice]

i revisited episode 1 of destined with you. here are symbols, characters, or lines that i overlooked the first time and some i'm still unsure if they will revisit later in the series:

crow / bird

"red hand" who was she, the owner of this hand?

haum ( lawfirm law and high's biggest client and major shareholder. he's appeared twice. episode 1 and episode 6))

catfish ((foreshadow of rituals?))

city hall / onju city hall

being transferred to mr. gong's team

the ominous moon being blood red

haunted house / shrine

shaman / eun-wol

talismans

death ((episode 1 worker at construction site, the son who was exploring the haunted house and episode 6 hong-jo's father))

hong-jo face flushing / blushing ((hong-jo says she flushes when she's stressed -episode 1))

park maintenance team

hong-jo choosing where to eat

rain

deleted video

raincoat // coat

ominous voice: "what took you so long to come here?"

blood falling from eye on woman statue

grim reaper

teahouse / drinking tea

kim sam-bong ((the person sin-yu paid to manage the shrine)) / scammer

father suggests sin-yu quit law firm

sin-yu and alcohol ((trembling liquor))

hong-jo: "so he's from a noble family with a lot of land, a son of a chairman, and a successful lawyer? that jang sin-yu guy? i hate him already."

headache and trembling of sin-yu's right hand / genetic disorder and a chromosome mutation.

sin-yu: "still, try to predict what will happen in the future."

sin-yu's doctor: "you have a time bomb in your head that could explode any time."

elevator / floor 29

sin-yu: "i don't need to be kind to someone who trespassed on my property."

sin-yu: "do you want to go to a teahouse with a grim reaper?"

hak-yeong resigning. why do the people want him to?

jae-gyeong not getting water spilled on him and instead water spilled on hong-jo. (episode 1 and similar mirroring in episode 6)

DS stocks

"the mayor"

attending a funeral

na-yeon: "you feel very distant. you don't tell me important things. tell me about the stuff in detail"

sin-yu: "the one who passed away was my second cousin once removed."

na-yeon: "let's go to sokcho. there's a hotel in front of the sea. i heard the view was amazing."

hong-jo: "yes. well...i turn red all the time. i have rosacea. it's not climacteric."

jae-gyeong: "don't joke about it. i was worried all day."

hong-jo: "by the way, how did you know that i was in charge of the demolition?"

jae-gyeong: "it's written all over your face."

sin-yu dreaming (white flowers, the shrine)

sin-yu: "i have a good personality and am humorous. so people say i'm cute like a puppy. but you only come on the days when i get sensitive. so you're the unlucky one."

hong-jo: "because i'm lonely. i feel like if i sort this out, my team leader will say "let's eat together." ever since i transferred to city hall, i've been eating alone. i eat alone at home, so i don't want to eat alone at work as well. they'll know i'm an outcast. can you please tell me?"

eun-wol: "shaman eun-wol. real name, myeong-eun. i agree to demolish the shrine at mount onju."

eun-wol: "you killed her. the owner of the bloody hand that caresses your cheek. karma will swallow you and you will struggle in horrible pain. but all the pain and curses will end. finally, the owner of the wooden box showed up."

hong-jo: "what a unique guy from a unique family."

does only eun-wol and sin-yu know about the wooden box? what about the rest of his family?

eun-wol: "for the wooden box, you'll find out soon. and you already know the owner."

sin-yu: "who's the owner of the wooden box?"

eun-wol: "the woman you're thinking of right now."

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - Oct 23

 Welcome back! I didn’t read as much as I wanted this week, but there’s some delicious stories here. 

***Marks my recent favorites 

~*~ 

Gold Standard by hailtherandom 

Thor brings home some Asgardian mead as a present to the Avengers. Steve discovers that its magical properties allow him to get drunk. Everyone, especially Tony, is a fan of this.

for whom the elk bugles by starksnack 

Pepper forces Tony to spend a week at Yellowstone connecting with his natural side. He connects with Park Ranger Steve Rogers instead.

Everyone I Have Ever Slept With by jellybeanforest 

Intimacy takes on many forms, not all of them sexual.

Steve being taken care of is just. Very soft and I love it. 

I'm Afraid You're Never Satisfied

It was no secret that Omegas loved to be knotted. But Steve loved it a bit more than most, especially with Tony doing the knotting.

 Needy Steve, and Tony being so very good to him. Just short and smutty

Vibing Hard by KandiSheek

Steve's health issues have kept him from having sex or even masturbating all throughout his early years. So when he gets the serum and experiences orgasm for the first time, he veers hard onto the path of addiction. He jerks off so much that it's starting to interfere with his day to day life. Luckily Tony is right there to help him get his life back on track.

Size Doesn't Matter by izazov

An incident results in Steve reverting to his pre-serum body. It may be the worst thing that has happened to Tony Stark. Or the best.

I really love Steve being insecure. It’s one of my favorite things and it’s usually not something we see. 

After All of the Sparks [You're Still Alone in the Dark] by BewareTheIdes15

Tony has always struggled with the concepts of positive versus negative attention.

Ahh, Steve taking control and taking care of a self-destructive Tony. 

***Same old story. by orphan_account

“We’re toasting our regrets,” Tony explains. “Your turn."

“Oh,” Steve says.

It takes him a long minute to think of something. Or, more likely, it takes him a long moment to work up the courage. But then he turns and raises his bottle to Tony. Looks him dead in the eyes, a sad, sort of wistful smile on his face, and says, “You.”

Post Endgame, Tony and Steve find each other in the best way possible. 

looks like rain, dear by starksnack

Tony's a famous actor who's just had a major controversy hits the news and his manager decides he needs to get off the grid for a while, so she sends him to Alaska - cue Tony trying to be incognito and learn how to live in the middle of the frozen nowhere while dealing with his feelings for the most eligible bearded bachelor in the area, Steve.

It’s very Hallmark romance, but super cute and well done. 

Earth's Mightiest Tree Farm by kaceywithak

In the six months he had become sole guardian to his nine year old nephew Peter, Tony Stark hadn't done much right. So when Peter asks to go upstate to tag a Christmas Tree, Tony quickly says yes.

Enter Tree Farm owner Steve Rogers, the world's sexiest lumberjack with a smile that could probably stop a war.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Emergency Protocol by laireshi

Falling in love with Tony Stark has always been easy. That he's an artificial intelligence now changes nothing. Luckily, Tony will always catch him.

All Of You by tinystark616

Steve Rogers is good at everything he does. That's a fact — one that no one will ever argue against. But oh, if only they knew how good Steve Rogers is in bed.

Luckily, Tony is the only one who knows.

***Toy Soldiers by copperbadge

When Steve Rogers, five foot four and a hundred and ten pounds, met Tony Stark in a bar, he didn't expect it to lead to a relationship. Or that Tony would find out he's not an art student during a SHIELD rescue mission in Afghanistan.

I’m a big fan of this series, and how fierce and protective Steve is of Tony. 

Weighing of the Heart by scifigrl47

Steve Rogers hasn't really had a particularly easy life. He's struggled along, he's proud of himself, he's self-sufficient and capable and he works damn hard. He has friends and a purpose and he's only a few semesters from graduating college. He's managed, but his life has been far from easy.

That's mostly because of a slight filing error.

The last thing that Steve needed was someone to watch over him. The only thing that his Guardian Angel needs is a second chance to make a first impression.

Guardian Angel Tony is something I didn’t know I needed, but--it’s fantastic. The worldbuilding is excellently done. 

Rebuild by Anonymous

The first time Tony really notices that something’s up with Steve is- okay, to be honest it’s five seconds after seeing the guy again, come on, Tony has spent the latter of his life being the dictionary definition of hot mess, he recognizes a kindred spirit.

Or, the one where Tony is, for the first time in his life, one of the least screwed up members of the team.

Just team dynamics and Tony being slightly less messy than normal. 

***Truth Behind Masks by scifigrl47

Steve Rogers has plenty of friends. He just doesn't know two of them are the same man.

That's just how Tony Stark/Iron Man likes it. Until he comes to regret it.

I really enjoyed this--identity porn is a favorite trope of mine, and this one handled it so well. 

[horsesarecreatures]

Some horse/barn related updates:

- Amba has 4 days of minocyline left, so I ordered her some sucralfate to start immediately when it ends. Oddly, it was cheaper to buy in smaller amounts than in bulk. But also, it seems to be significantly cheaper than the last time I bought it 2 years ago. Maybe the prior vet I got it through marked it up? Whatever, I was pleasantly surprised today that it was only $60 for 2 month’s worth.

- The barn is still quiet overall, but in addition to Eli’s owner 3 other people have come who actually ride, so that’s nice. What is not so nice is that sadly 3 out of the four of them are placing other horses who passed away. The end of August was awful because 2 horses other than Cannoli also had to be euthanized (from laminitis - both owners also used Alain which is another reason why I started trimming on my own). 

- Speaking of laminitis, all horses including Amba were overweight. Amba, Patsy, and Alpine were already grain free, and we’ve switched them from second cut hay to first cut. Lynn and I also purchased hay nets with smaller openings. 

- My plan to lease Amba out is on hold until she stays lyme-free for a  significant amount of time. I don’t want to find a good person and then loose them because she has to take time off, and also with her sometimes being spooky while she has it I don’t feel super comfortable with others riding her. 

- I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but Eli’s owner wants to get a horse trailer soon and has invited Amba & I to go places with her when she does. I’m trying not to get my hopes up because D may arbitrarily take back permission for her to keep it on the property, but if Laura does manage to get it it will give us the ability to ride on the North Salem Bridle Trails, the Rockefeller State Park Trails, and the Bedford Riding Trails. 

- 2 of the new boarders are a pair of friends. Katya has a Friesian cross and she bought my wintec from me. Nicole has a cute 8 year quarter horse that is small, grey, and looks quite similar to Amba. I went trail riding with her last weekend, but unfortunately I didn’t realize that she only started riding 8 months ago. The mare, Meadow, for the most part would not go on the trail, and when she did she tried to kick Amba. She also kicked out while being tacked up. She had only been 60 days under saddle before she was bought for $10,500. Nicole’s (former) trainer sold her the horse “because she’s nice and small.” I didn’t need to tell Nicole that she’d been screwed over badly.

- Meadow also had colic this week. It could have just been the change in diet/environment, but I also noticed that both Nicole and Katya give their horses baths even when the weather is very cold. The water itself it warm, but it’s not like this barn has one of those fancy drier things. If anyone has advice on how I can tactfully suggest that the baths aren’t a good idea in winter, let me know. 

- D blew me a kiss as she was leaving the barn the other day. She did it in a joking manner but I still find it to be very, very strange behavior.

- Also, she cleared the lower trails, but then hasn’t gotten anyone to survey the property so I still can’t ride there because of the barbed wire. After telling me last spring that the barbed wire was illegally put there on her property by a neighbor, she still hasn’t taken it down because she’s now apparently unsure. But she still advertises online that there’s miles of trails going from both directions of the farm! Getting a bit bored riding the upper trails over and over again.

- D has thrown many canaries over minor things these past couple of months. Boarders other than me were the target, but I still feel like I’m always walking on eggshells there. However, Riverhorse Farm, which I had in mind as a backup barn now that I have some rental income, has closed. Which pretty much just leaves murder barn and one other that have adequate turnout. But the other one still doesn’t have as good turnout as this barn because they don’t let the horses in the 1 acre pastures if the ground is soft. So I have a feeling if I went there Amba would be stuck on a dry lot for a good part of the year.

- So I think I’d better just do my best to stick it out here. At least it's a bit more lively now with the new people.

[wolfclaire]

how do pillagers work in your work cub is an evoker and scar was an illager but you still mention vex wings what gives??

Hi, thank you for your ask!

Basically Illagers, Pillagers, Vindicators and Evokers works on my little headcanon, so to speak (and yes, I know Illusioners are a thing in the game's code, but not in this AU, okay?)

Illagers are what they all essencially are. They all start the same, with a toten around their neck to protect them form any harm. As they grow up and mature, they can choose a specialty to follow. Illagers born at the Mansion usually choose between Vindicators and Evokers, those born at the Outpost usually become Pillagers. Illagers that don't have a direct contact with either of those buildings, have a hard time finding their "intended purpose", as some Illagers may call it...

Pillagers become scounts with your crossbows and captian, live far away on and outposts and collect different mobs for studying (read as experiments), such as the free roaming nice souls - Allays, stray Villagers, Iron Golems..anything, really. Their totems aren't as powerful as those in the Mansion, but they do grant them the power to summon an unstopable beast/mob for their protection - a Ravager, or call for help from the nearest Mansion

At the mansion, Vindicators are the protectors. They protect their home, their family, all the lost ones they deem worthy on being in a mansion. Their trusty iron axes aren't only for show, it is to keep the more dangerous creatures in line (ie anything with Fay/Fairy blood) or give them the little anvantage they need in combat. Their totems give them the little boost of strenght to help them protect those they are close to

Evokers, on the other hand, have the need to learn, to study, to figure out anything and everything. They are skilled in using their magic, they have a deep connection to the souls and their magical properties. As such, the magic often grants the a pair of Vex wings, the more vibrant they are, the more magic they have at their disposal... But if they ever overuse the magic or don't get enough magic left, they become even more Vex-like...until there is nothing left but an angry Vex filled with greed left. Evoker's totem is the classic one, the undying one, the one that is able to grand a second chance in life.

It takes a long time for an Illager to become a fully fledged Evoker, the last test is to become an owner of a Player/Mob hybrid soul.

Scar failed the last test and as such never become a real Evoker. He shows signs of Evoker with his wings and magic, but he won't be aknowledged as one by anybody until he finishes his test....but now, without any Illager code in him? There is a small chance for other Illagers to recognize him as their own...

Cub, using his magic as much as he does, needs to feed on souls in order to not become a Vex. He is dealing with some Vex features already (pointy teeth) from his first universe-travel, when he didn't know just how much magic he needed...

Gem found their purpose with their Village and family. Their totem, however, wasn't meant to bring anybody back from death, and yet it did manage to bring their twin back (only as a Zombie and after a while, but still...)...makes you wonder if Illager Gem was born in a Mansion just how powerful she could've been as an Evoker...