#she doesnt want to watch dramas with me anymore

[worldsquietestjojosfan]

[pablitogavii]

Can u do a gavi angst where him and reader finally make it official after months of him chasing after her but the next day the paparazzi find him getting cozy with a girl qnd its all over the media and she feels embarrassed but he doesnt think its a big deal so they get into a fight but make up in the end

I'm changing up this request a little bit since it kind of goes with the idea that came to mind recently!

Annoying

Pablo's POV

I went out with my guy friends tonight at some bar in the city since we wanted to catch up a bit before I have to go back to Barcelona for preseason.

I invited my girl to join us as well but when she heard it will only be the guys, she wanted to stay home and watch her romantic comedy instead.

I fell in love with her because she always trusted me and I always made sure to be respectful to her and our relationship whenever I went out alone. Knowing those paparazzi, they couldn't wait to stir up drama and sell their stupid magazines.

"What are you drinking Pablito??" Mario nudged me and I smirked ordering a beer as we joked around about anything that came to mind as I really missed being just a normal guy.

"Damn you look hotter than in those edits! Girls, it's Gavi!!" one of girls practically yelled on top of her lungs when she came to the bar to order her drink noticing me sitting there.

"I'm just trying to have a normal night with my friends if you don't mind.." I said politely although she was very much getting on my nerves now. Why can't I just have one night without any of this bullshit!?

"I'm sure you'll have a better night with me instead baby.." she winked and I couldn't believe she was flirting with me so openly in fornt of everyone when the whole world at this point knew I was in a relationship. Now, I was really annoyed!

"I have a girl waiting for me at home so how about you try somewhere else?" I said taking my beer and turning my back to her about to start chatting with my friends but she wasn't giving up now backed up by her friends.

"Oh come on Gavi! Just dance with her and make her dreams come true!" one of her friends tried pulling on my arm but I pulled away grabbing my jacket and walking outside of the club in annoyance.

"Hermano! Don't go! We can go to the different club??" Ale and Mario caught up with me but I apologized saying that I was in no mood anymore.

"It's the same everywhere I go..I just don't want to deal with it tonight. Maybe we can do a pool day in my house tomorrow instead??" I said before getting into my car and driving home.

Your POV

I was asleep when I heard someone walking into the bedroom slowly taking off his shoes and from the familiar scent of his perfume I knew it was Pablo.

I looked at the clock and it was barely midnight so he came back way early than planned. I turned in bed meeting his smiling face while he took his jeans off and joined me in bed laying on top of my chest while sighing heavily.

"Que pasaba amor??" you said and Pablo just nuzzled his face into your neck taking in your sweet scent and cuddling close just wanting to be held.

"They wouldn't leave me alone..I told them I have a girl at home and they still wouldn't leave! They are so annoying amor!" Pablo finally spoke and you felt yourself sad that his fun night was ruined yet again.

"I'm sorry cariño..but if taking a picture with them would help then I told you I'm alright with that" you said not wanting his commitment to you to feel pressuring on top of everything.

"They don't want a picture! They want to be caught with me and earn attention that way! They want media to say I'm a playboy who cheated on his girl and I'm not that! I'll never be that because I love you..I love you so much it hurts..I just wish they would leave me alone " Pablo spoke sounding very sad and melancholic and you knew this was serious to him.

"I love you too Pablito..and I know that's not who you are..I trust you cariño" you said reassuringly not wanting him to worry that you would ever believe anybody but him about your relationship.

"But..what if they make it convincing that I cheated..that I've betrayed you..and you leave me..I would never survive that" Pablo spoke and you knew that was his greatest fear something he already told you once before.

"Pablito..look at me please" you said and he did making your heart ache when you saw his tearful eyes that led you to lean down and kiss his lips softly.

"I know who you are Pablo Gavira..in here..and I know your love for me is true and that's why I trust you..completely..I promise amor..so don't be scared..because I'm not going anywhere..even when you go out alone..I'll be right here in your bed waiting for you..I promise" you spoke and he looked at you with hopeful eyes smiling at the last part while nodding his head.

"Girls are just so annoying.." he sighed pulling you even closer and when you chuckled he realized what he just said kissing your lips quickly.

"But not you..because you're my girl princesa" he corrected himself and you smiled nodding your head and kissing him a few more times before you both got comfortable and fell asleep in each other's arms.

Ik it's different but I hope you enjoy reading it <33

[mugentakeda]

the weirdest thing about it just being the four of them is how insistent lu ten is about him and azula getting a vote in everything. hes trying really hard to stop feeling weird about it.

at first, zuko was more than okay with just going with whatever mom and lu ten have in mind. theyre the grown ups, after all, and they make a good team. they haven’t been captured, or even chased, so that has to mean something. it never really hit him how well they got along until now that theyre alone. he can’t help but start wondering about how long they knew each other before he was born.

and things between him and azula have been… awkward. he doesnt really know what to do with how well shes been taking this. something her and lu ten both do is that when they think nobody is looking, they get these really tense and faraway looks on their faces.

zuko is pretty sure it has something to do with dad and uncle.

it might be bad of him, but hes not all that upset about being away from dad. hes terrified of what will happen if they get caught, yeah.

but they wouldnt have any kind of fun in this crazy new life if dad was here, would they?

last night, lu ten grilled a bunch of big red fish over a fire, with some steamed bamboo. mom acted out a story for them as entertainment. its something she hasnt done in… well, forever. but she would stop and ask both him and azula what happened next, they both would yell out the possible answers, and mom would pick either or and change the story depending on which she chose to make the ending unpredictable.

its the ease he feels on ember island when just the four of them go, just in a different place. so maybe it’s not as weird as zuko thinks it is.

mom and lu ten decided that leaving was the only way to be happy and have opinions, so they left. the palace rules stopped that, and nobody went along with palace rules more than dad. so he didnt get to come with. mom and ursa aren’t very upset about that, so neither will he.

at the cost of his dad, yeah, and thats traitor talk, but hes alive, isnt he? agni hasnt struck him or everyone else down for being glad dad isn’t here, has she? he’s okay with that and they’re okay with that.

zuko decides as he stares up at the blue sky peaking between the tree tops, that he wont feel bad about wanting to be happy and giving his opinion anymore. and he’s not weird for that if mom and lu ten aren’t weird.

azula is way weirder than everyone that’s weird on the whole earth combined, though. so it might be harder for her to not feel bad about wanting to be happy or giving her opinion. or being happy about things that arent weird, because only the weirdest things make azula happy.

lu ten is better at talking to her than anyone else, but…

he scoots next to her on the rotted log she’s resting on, watching mom comically struggle to help lu ten prepare breakfast.

“do you miss mai and ty lee?” he asks her, forcing himself to sound casual. she hasnt tried to set his butt on fire since they left, but who knows what might change that.

“miss them?” she repeats, but not like shes mocking him for the question- more like she’s asking herself again.

“like, do you wish they were here too?”

his sister makes a face. “why would they be here? this is a family affair.”

“just go with it. for the sake of the question.”

azula rolls her eyes, but hums thoughtfully. trails off.

he tries something else. “do you think mom’s storytelling last night wouldve been better if ty lee was there doing interpretive dance?”

to his surprise, she snorts. “probably,” she replies. “and mai would probably enjoy the macabre of it all. the more drama and bloodshed, the better. you wouldn’t know mother likes all the dark ones just by looking at her.”

azula turns to him, suddenly. there’s something mischievous in her eyes that zuko immediately distrusts. “why are you asking? do you miss mai?”

his face immediately flushes. “no! i was just asking, cus, well…”

“oh, don’t feel the need to explain yourself to me, zuzu. its just the four of us in the middle of nowhere, after all-“

“i was just asking, cus you haven’t seemed… well… sad. about leaving. dad and the palace and stuff. you didn’t even say much when we had to burn our old clothes and wear this green stuff instead.”

azula pauses. she doesn’t quite scowl at him, but she furrows her eyebrows and twists her lips in this weird, thoughtful way. she turns back away from him and sighs.

“cousin lu ten didn’t carry me out of the palace like a little baby. he had to convince me why i should choose to come with. so this is me, standing on the decision i made. why should i be sad about something i chose?”

“i was asleep the whole time, but i think i would’ve said yes to mom if i was awake, too. i just wanted to know why you said yes. cus you… had more going on than i did, back home. this is… way different, for you.”

zuko really wants to believe that she didn’t just agree because she knew that dad wouldn’t punish her if they got caught. and he won’t know if shes lying to him about it either.

“i don’t think i would’ve said yes if mother was the one that came to get me instead of lu ten. even if, deep down, i wanted to come with. and then i would’ve been mad about it forever, and hated her and you and lu ten for leaving me. because mother just took you while you were mostly asleep, and now shes just lucky that you ended up being okay with it anyway.”

zuko startles at how easily she’s talking about this. maybe it’s the distance?

“but lu ten and i… are in the same boat. we’re the same, like how maybe you and mother are the same. and he told me how he felt. and i guess i figured i’d feel the same. so i decided to do the same as him, too. and i have yet to falter, just like how lu ten hasn’t faltered.“

his sister turns to him, very seriously. “father wouldn’t have done interpretive dance to mother’s stories. one day i’ll do interpretive dance to mother’s stories, and so will you and lu ten. so only people that are willing to do interpretive dance to mother’s stories are missed by me. does that make sense?”

he thinks he gets it. in this crazy situation, not feeling bad about wanting to be happy and having opinions probably would mean the same as being willing to do interpretive dance.

“i think my interpretive dance would be better than yours,” he blurts, instead of answering.

azula blinks, then narrows her eyes. “you wish.”

[bababaka]

What i'd change in this piece of media! Or just rewritting it. Because truly it is right now.

Today's episode is.... Twilight!

Because for some reason i started thinking about Edward and Jasper and how they could be fixed and it turned into this clusterfuck. Anyways.

Twilight.

It is so damn boring! But it has potencial.

Ok. Let me explain myself. I started reading twilight's fanfiction without having ever watched the movies. At the time the movies came out, i was too young to take any interest in it, although the women around me did, and they fawned over Jacob and his shirtless scenes. Which was how i was team Jacob (not anymore tho ew)

Nevermind that, thing is, i only watched the movies after reading the phenomenal and creative fics. So, to me the movies paled in comparison.

Don't get me wrong. Twilight was a huge sucess, so it clearly did something right. This is only my opnion, okay?

Lets go.

So, the author created so many interesting characters and then proceeded to give us the most boring ones as the protagonists.

And Edward and Bella are actually interesting. But we got stuck with their annoying versions.

And beyond that, the really interesting side characters never have a chance to be developed. T-T

Not as much as they deserved at least.

And please, the Volturi needed a spin off of their own. Something akin to The Originals and The vampire Diaries.

Anyways, in this first part, i want to talk about how we could get into and actually develope the characters. I'll talk about each movie later.

First, our protagonists. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

Ok. I would LOVE if we had Edward at his antihero phase. Maybe at the tail end of it, maybe at its climax.

Would love to see Red Eyes Edward. Avenging men and women who were raped, tortured, murdered as he battles with his own sense of humanity and self hatred. Trying to do something good while still being a monster.

And yes, he would still be his edgelord self. But now his breakdowns would happen as he is covered by someone else's blood and insides. Rocking himself in a alleyway's corner, looking at nothing as the body at his feet just gets colder and colder.

At some point, he would kill someone inocent. Who was wrongly accused of something. And when he discovers this, he sees his victim's mother crying, yelling at the heavens, begging for answers, for justice. For something. Anything. And Edward would hate himself for thinking for a moment he could do good. "You're a murderer, a demon. You're the one who deserves to die."

And then we have Bella, just as she is. I wouldn't change much about her really. Just make her a bit less "not like other girls" and lessen her infatuation with Edward. Or maybe amplify it. But in a different way. She is taken with Edward not because wow, he is handsome, misterious or smth. But because he is weird. Maybe even have a monsterloving Bella. Who is fascinated by this idea of an angel of death. But as she encounters it, him, she realizes nothing is black in white. He kills people. Humans like her.

She would be attracted, but terrified. Battling against her morals. He has to feed, but he kills only those who are criminals. But who is he to play the judge and jury? And would be interesting for Edward to become more attached to life and morals (as in, murder is murder, bitch. Stop killing people even though theyre criminals and deserve it. Youre not God).

I would love to see their oposing ideas inspire each other and provoke drama and grownth.

Also, id love to see Bella's reasons to be a vampire to be more than Edward. I saw this idea on tiktok i think. And it makes so much sense.

Her reasons would be: she is a bit of a history nerd and wants to be there as historical moments are happening and live to see its repercursions; she is afraid of getting old( but not dying, since she is suicidal and has a kinda morbid curiosity about it); she doesnt want to lose Alice, or Emmett, nor Jasper or Rosalie and Carlisle and Esme; she wants to feel part of something, this family, something she severely lacked as a child and still do as a teenager.

I want a Bella that is in love and obssessed with Edward, but as the story goes on, she learns to be independent. She learns how to be confident in her weird self. And have more than just Edward, although she is very much in love with him.

She would not get pregnant. But would be a vampire because dude. She is so much better as a vampire. Lord above. And well that would be the culmination of her character growth.

Next episode:

Alice, Jasper and him being a confederate soldie or smth :)

Reminder, if you do not agree with me, thats okay. If you want to let me know about your opnion, be nice about it.

Aaaand, this is only for fun. I've never read the books, and its been a long time since i've watched the movies. So, chill.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies

like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…

look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?

i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.

so. girl needs some new hobbies.

its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.

girl needs some new hobbies!

kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.

the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.

and of course… fuyuhiko.

fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.

like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.

and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.

he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.

he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.

someone get these kids some hobbies, man

[dual-fantasy]

FANON SVETLANA. FROTHS AT THE MOUTH. can people please be for real for a Second. like mike shes actually kind of a bad person but cause shes a strong woman the mind of a total drama fan can only comprehend her being motherly. I think she should also be allowed to try and kill scott. shes equally as cool and awful as mike. if not more. in my dream post total drama au shes just worst because she deserves to be. I think vito is easily one of the funniest total drama characters hands down. everything about him even just in canon is fucking hilarious. the italian superstrength of course isn't realistic but it's the funniest thing to me. especially since most of the total drama fandom doesn't even question it hes just like that. he has a bunch of random skills nobody knows about. he probably doesnt either. anne marias car gets fucking wrecked like crumpled into a compact silver ball its shocking she made it out. he fixes it in 10 minutes with his hands and a plastic fork that survived the crash. hes completely and utterly stupid but only at common things to know. he cant do algebra but he can name every invasive insect species in history documented and otherwise. him and anne maria date for like a year after total drama but he leaves her for cars and men. he tries to help cameron work out once and it goes horribly wrong cameron gets hurt in ways nobodies ever been hurt before. doctors scientists priests etc are all dumbfounded. same thing happens when he brings cameron to literally just sit and watch him work at the mechanics. nobody even knows how he got hurt he just did. camerons not allowed within 50 feet of something metal anymore cause itll get him violently injured in a way that defies all science and god. anne maria is also underrated and so fucking funny. she records it every single time mike and scott fight. she encourages it. she bets at least ten dollars on mike. i think jomaria is so real but in ways nobody else understands. they show up to the Scike Fights together those are dates to them. svetmaria as well but in an awful gritty girlfailure way. my person headcanon(??) is that the reset button was completely made up. mike wanted off the show and it was the only way to get chris to leave them alone. once he was off the show he became so much cooler. but stereotypical cool bully kid in a movie kind of cool(think like... leather jacket) and nobody has the heart(and healthcare) to tell him that it doesn't actually look cool. most of his shirts are stained with Scott Blood. he acts like the type of guy to smoke but he tried it once and almost died. coughed and choked for at least an hour. the same with drinking he acts like he does but he needs emotional support to take a shot. when he actually gets drunk(after crying and gagging 10 times) hes just stupid and pathetic. he learns how to speak up for himself and he gets into fights but hes a loser boyfailure at heart. he rants to brick about a stupid pirated movie hes been watching while he washes the Scott Blood out from under his nails. he is the crywank and mccafferty boy ever but not in a sad way. just in a way you have to understand. Grave Dog

I have a lot of thoughts about the treatment of women in total drama. I'll probably make a whole post about it but it's actually kinda sickening that so many fans still treat women the way they do. fanon Svetlana is my 13th reason I stg. she should be worse. she should be strangling people. she should be biting and clawing and kicking. I love her. she deserves it.

Vito is literally the funniest total drama character I think. his entire existence is so funny to me. the Italian superstrength is an extra funny concept because the fandom doesn't question it, but also the contestants don't either. they all just accept that sometimes Vito can do stuff. randomly. he knows how to make like every poison ever and also he cannot fucking count. the car crash concept is so funny to me too. she brings it to him and it's fucking destroyed and they all look away and he's already fixed it. he does leave her for cars and men. he gives me grease (1978) energy but if grease was a little bit more faggoty and rocky horror picture show (1975). the Cameron concept made me burst out laughing. literally fucking incredible. Cameron gets hit by a car family-guy Brian-fucking-dies style while Vito is driving his dumbass convertible that's made out of cardboard, mod podge, and a tin can.

I also think that Manitoba smith is hilarious to me. it might just be the Australian in me but he means everything to me. he's canonically married? noone talks about that? he mentions his wife? when what who where why? and also I think he knows a lot about genuine Australian culture that noone should know unless they've been to Australia. he has literally never left Canada but he knows everything. he says "I'mgunna run down to wollies to snag lamingtons n a Bundaberg, wunna want?" and everyone stares at him like he's fucking insane. he warns everyone of dropbears. he calls them Zooper doopers. literally noone knows where he got this from.

I agree that the reset button was the only way to get Chris to leave him alone. noone wanted to get brought back so they decided that they would just. lie. and get off of the show. Chris didn't know it was fake he did literally no research whatsoever. chef knew it was fake but he didn't say anything because he understood the want to get off the show.

Anne Maria is soooo underrated it's insane. her elimination was actually iconic. even tho it's a fake diamond she could still sell it for a pretty decent price. it's a massive fucking jewel she could still scam someone with it. it's amazing actually. she means everything to me. jomaria so real they watch mike beat the shit out of Scott. Anne Maria is running bets and jo is charging admission to watch. they make so much money. also I believe in jo/Anne Maria/Svetlana. they beat up scott together. I love them.

mike is such a poser he's literally amazing. his shirts are all stained with blood (mainly Scott's) but if he ever tried to drink vodka he would shrivel up and die. he is the lightest weight ever. brick is holding his hair back while he's vomiting and threatening Scott (who hasn't been there for 10 minutes) after he took a singular shot. he is literally the worst and my personal favourite. Jo helps him wash blood out of his jeans while he's gossiping with Anne maria. I completely understand the McCafferty and crywank guy he's also the front bottoms and modern baseball. you're so real always

[jameswyerford]

do you think it’s still possible that eungyeol didn’t change yichan’s fate? I was waiting all of ep 12 for some signs of the trauma affecting his hearing but there was nothing of that sort so now I’m feeling. very unsure and scared to watch the rest. also while I’m on ep 12 I thought it just in general had some weird twists. like them completely walking back on eungyeol confessing that he is yichan’s son instead of leaving it ambitious for yichan which I feel like would be much more interesting for their dynamic. and also idk I like that yichan misses cheongah but her blowing up at him like that felt a little sudden and out of nowhere as a writing choice. she’s hurt but before it was established within the show that she wants to be friends with yichan even if he doesn’t like her back so this sudden change without explanation was strange. and it could maybe make sense…. if they spent more time on cheongah. the sprinklers of her instead of a normal amount of screen time really are. frustrating

i dont think eungyeol is gonna be able to change his father's fate because his hearing loss is gonna be a canon event (it better be or else im gonna do something drastic) as i mentioned before i think yichan will lose his hearing progressively rather than immediately. episode 12 of any kdrama can be a turning point for the show because it either goes okay and makes sense or it is a mess and feels like a totally different show lmao akdbdk

and i feel like they made cheongah a side character that will only have screentime if it is shared with either eungyeol yichan and even eunyu which sucks so bad like ?? we have barely seen her on her own, this is supposed to be a drama that celebrates deaf people and instead they got the only deaf character being miserable all.the.damn.time. turning her into some kind of martyr... im kinda tired of it tbh

and i think the lack of (meaningful) screentime of cheongah explains why we dont understand her reactions sometimes,, i personally think she was angry at him because he somehow confuses her (and honestly sometimes he confuses me as well) cheongah is a person who has spent most of her life alone and now she has got a friend she happens to like and who doesnt exactly check on her (because he is obsessed with a girl who doesnt even pay attention to him akdbksns and cheongah seems to see it too and is pissed/sad for it she is a teenager after all) and yichan is someone who is popular at some extent so i believe that makes cheongah think he is friends with her because he pities her or wants to look like the great guy who is friends with someone with a "disability" which isnt true at all!! we have clearly seen yichan genuinely wants to be his friend but after everything she is going through i think she doesnt see it that way anymore

(hopefully all of this makes sense i feel like i lost myself within the lines aksbksns)

[quackitytheduck]

four three two fuck you listen up yall this shit is ironic striders beats are best suited for trolls hooked on phonics karkalicious definition makes terezi loco she wants to know the secrets that she cant taste in my photo dying just to jnow the flavot i aint doinf her no favors no reasons why i tease her flush just comes and goes like seasons four three two fuck you im karkalicious so delicious no i dont do kismesis and kf you read any fanfivs all thst shit is ficticious im karkalicious i blow kisses mwahhhh dont matter kf were just moirails trolls be linimg down the veil for a chance tl fill a pail so delicious SUPER SWEET so delicious FUCKING ADORABLOODTHIRSTY so delicious EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME im karkalicious C C C C CANDY CANDY karkalicious def karkalicious def goddamnit doc scratch stop fucking arounf with my mic karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy nepetas always squeal8ng cutest petnsmes likr karkitty im the K to the A R K the A the T and the majority of pairings had vetter kn clude me im karkalicious so delicious my body stays vicious all the highbloods feeling nervous cause im doing some fitness zahhaks my witness bet that ship curls nepetas tail and hell be needing all the towels cause imma make him sweat pail so delicous SUPRR SWEET so delicious FUCKING ADORABLOODTHIRTSY so delicious EVEN EGBERT WSNTS A PIECE OG ME im karkalicious now you nooksuclers hold the fuck up check it out BABY BABY BA BY if u really want me honey get some patience maybe then youll get a taste ill be tasty tasty ill be laced with lacy its so tasty tasy itll make you crazy t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the s t e y fuxking tasty d to the e to the l i c i o u s to the d to the e to the tl the to the ill just spekl it out for you all the time i turn around trolls gather round always sniffing st me wanna guess the color of my blood i just wanna say it now i aint tryna round up drama lil fucker i judt dont wsnt you to know and i guess im coming off as just a little insecure although i keep on repeating how the secrets fucking awesome but im tryna tell its a secret i just dont wsnna tell terezi says i smell delicious so delicious no i dont do kismesis and if you read any fanfics all that shit is ficticious i blow kisses mmmwsh dont matter if were just moirails trolls be lining down the veil for the chance to fill a pail my body stays vicious zahhaks been feeling nervous cause i got down to business nepetas my witness MEEEOW ill even let her first ship sail just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail so delicious eridan see so delicious you can trust me so delicious ill help you be im karkalicious C C C C CANDY CANDY its so delicious so delicious so delicious im karkalicious says my blood is like CANDY CANDY t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the s t e y fuxking tasty d to the e to the l i c i o u s t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the to the to the to the d to the e to the l i c i o u s d to the e to the l i c i o u s d to the e to the l i c i o u s d to the e to the now wsit just a motherfuckin second do i seriously have to spell this shit to the end of the fuxkng song i mwan whoever wrote the original never haf access to spellcheck i guess because t a s t e y does not spell TASTY was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something whst do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own grammatical trainwrecks and call it music whst the fuck even is will smith doing he doesnt throw down sick fires anymore fuck this shit i quit

[cherryflavoredfruitloops]

TLDR: eridan is me but an alien and a boy

me when my favorite character is one who is almost hated by the entirety of the fandom. if you didnt catch on, im talking about eridan ampora. son of a bitch, terrible person, troll version of a racist, ect. but its a lot of the parts that kind of get glossed over that make me love him. dont get me wrong, a lot of qualities of all the trolls get glossed over. but he reminds me of me, and that is both bad and good. now, in an ideal world, i wouldnt be talking about this since the place i am in in the comic is on the newer side of things, i am only on page 2456, a lot more to go, i am aware. however, i am impatient and loving sharing my thoughts on characters i like! also, i am not one of those people who hates feferi because she broke up with eridan, (i am aware of later parts in the comic, i liked watching videos on it but never had the motivation to read all of the pages) feferi had every right to do so since their relationship isnt the healthiest, (probably will make a separate post on that) and i also love feferi because she is just so silly. but thats off topic. say what you want about zodiac bias, eridan is weirdly like me. i know eridan did a lot of wrong, but so did vriska! (i know she has a redemption arc) (+i love her too) (i dont have many characters i hate) but no more introduction! time for the meat of this post.

i like eridan a lot because hes like me. (i know thats been stated at least 6 times by now) reason one, hes over dramatic with his emotions. i think of it as less of a drama queen/king thing, but more of a i am very emotional and have a hard time understanding my emotions, basically oversensitive. i myself am oversensitive.

in one of his earliest panels, hes criticizing himself for being stupid and trusting the same person whose been known to fuck with him. i did that for 3 years straight, where you can see all of the persons character flaws, but you still want to be their friend or want to date them. i would get so stupidly angry with myself since i knew they were a bad person, but still chose to hang around them. in a later one he reminisces on the good times he spent with vriska. sometimes, i do this. ill miss something about the person who fucked with me.

eridan is also a rude fucker! i am too, not proud of it, definitely need anger management or therapy or both. this is seen in his earliest appearance, not mention! his earliest mention is about a doomsday device. no, i am talking about the chat he had with kanaya. in this conversation, hes seen trying to manipulate/convince kanaya into auspiticing (horrendously spelt, i know) between him and vriska. hes very rude in his tactics, not a single nice one, as much as i remember from that chat. i hate to say this too, but i do do stuff like that sometimes. it gets hard and foggy for me to properly process what i want, or the nicest way for me to say what i want, so i just demand it. it often gets me in trouble, and is not a good thing to do.

next, is how he loves gossip. (wow, every second this turning more and more into pointing out the obvious and talking about how i relate to it instead of glossed over facts!) i like gossip. its fun to point out peoples flaws and make fun of them, not the nicest thing, but oh well. a lot like my other points, this is revealed in another really early panel of his. in his first pesterlog with feferi, she talks about how he talks more about his problems with his gossip bud than her. i too gossip. thats about it for that point, very weak point i know.

the orchestrating point of the night is super anti-climatic and feeds into that state the obvious joke i made. hes inlove with feferi. a long term moirail, who thinks of him as nothing more. hell! in the panel right after their first onscreen pesterlog shes talking about how she should tell him how she truly feels with a frown on her face, indicating she was already thinking of breaking up with him. she doesnt even pity him anymore, and hes wants to move onto a more redder quadrant with her. i, too, have fallen victim to this. you think of somebody romantically so long just to learn they dont like you romantically, maybe not even platonically. it shatters your world. though unlike eridan, i didnt kill the person i had crush on. i just felt sad for like a month because i had this crush on them for 2 years. (like eridan)

eridan is objectively a bad person and bad character. you dont have to like him the way i do, but for my sanity, please dont flame me for thinking like this. anyways, you are all amazing and i hope you have a good night/day/evening!

[canarypost]

four three two fuck you *beatboxes* weeeooowwwwwww listen up yall this shit is ironic striders beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics karkalicious definition makes terezi loco she wants to know the secrets that she cant taste in my photo dying just to know the flavor.i aint doing HER no favors no reasons why i tease her flush just comes and goes like seasons im karkalicious so delicious no i dont do kismesis and if you read any fanfics all that shit is ficticious i blow kisses MMMMWAH dont matter if we're just moirails trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail four three two fuck you so delicious SUPER SWEET so delicious FUCKIN ADORABLOODTHIRSTY so karkalicious EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME im karkalicious C C C C C CANDY CANDY karkalicious def. karkalicious def. goddammit doc scratch stop fuckin around with my mic- ahem. karkalicious definition makes them shippers crazy nepeta's always squealing cutesy pet names like karkitty im the k to the a r k the a the t and the MAJORITY of PAIRINGS had better IN CLUDE ME im karkalicious so delicious my body stays vicious and all the highbloods feelin nervous cuz im doing some fitness zahhak's my witness *whistle noise* PHHE EWW bet that ship curls nepeta's tail and he'll be needing all the towels cuz imma make him sweat pails four three two fuck you so delicious SUPER SWEET so delicious FUCKIN ADORABLOODTHIRSTY so delicious EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME im karkalicious NOW YALL NOOKSUCKERS HOLD THE FUCK UP. CHECK IT OUT baby baby ba by if you really want me honey get some patience maybe then youll get a taste ill be tasty tasty ill be laced with lacy its so tasty tasty itll make ya crazy t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty d to e to the l i c i o u s to the d to the e to the to the ill just spell it our for you all the time i turn around trolls gather round always sniffin at me tryna guess the color of my blood i just wanna say it now i aint tryna round up any drama lil fucker i just dont want you to know and i guess im coming off just a lil insecure although i keep on repeating how the secret's fucking AWESOME but im tryna tell its a secret that i just dont WANNA tell terezi says i smell delicious so delicious no i dont do kismesis and if you read any fanfics all that shit is ficticious i blow kisses MMMWAH dont matter if we're just moirails trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail my body stays vicious zahhak's been feeling nervous cuz i got down to business nepeta's my witness MEE OWW!!! ill even let her first ship sail just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail so delicious eeerriiidaaan seeeeee youuuu caaann trust meeee iiiill help youu beee L L L L CANDY CANDYYY im so delicious ayy ayy ay ayyyy so delicious ayy ayy ay ayyyy so delicious ayy ayy ay ayyyy im karkalicious SHE SAYS MY BLOOD IS LIKE CANDY CANDYY t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty d to the e to the l i c i o u s to the t to the a to the s t e y fucking tasty t to the a to the to the to the to the to the d to the e to the l i c i o u s to the d to the e to the l i c i o u s to the d to the e to the l i c i o u s to the d to the e to the now wait just a motherfucking second. do i seriously have to spell this shit until to the end of.the fucking song. i mean whoever wrote the original never had access to spellcheck i guess because t a s t e Y does NOT spell tasty. was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something. what do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own grammatical trainwrecks and call it music. what the fuck even is will smith doing. he doesnt throw down sick fires anymore. fuck this shit i quit

[louiscarrotsxoxo]

vent

not to be all sad and shit bc i hate posting sad shit but vent

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sometimes i just hate being me idk, like last night my gran DIDNT tell me to wash the dishes and i wasnt feeling well like my mental health at the time was so shit so i was gonna go easy on myself and not wash them

and she hasnt been telling me to wash them lately bc ive just been doing it bc one, shes toxic and manipulative and she'll make me feel like shit

and thats what she did.

and i just feel this inconsolable guilt when i dont do something im supposed to but i cannot get myself to do it bc im just so TIRED why cant i go easy on myself why cant i just she just wash the dishes sometimes

and all night i didnt even sleep well bc i didnt wash the dishes and i saw her in bed this morning and she usually wakes up at the crack ass of dawn to drink her coffee and listen to church music and la la la and she didnt she was in the bed watching tv and she ALWAYS gets up so if she doesnt get up ik shes mad/i messed up

and im not even half awake and she goes "i see you didnt wash the dishes last night" and shes in the bed and she looks so depressed and im like GIRLLL i was so tired and i just feel like this bawl of anxiety bc i didnt wash them and i went to make myself breakfast, before i did that i obviously washed them bc i felt so inconsolably guilty for not washing them one time

even after washing them shes still mad at me and she went on a whole rant abt how im so lazy and shit when literally my mental health has been so fucking bad

and plus WHY CANT SHE WASH THE DISHES? ik shes like almost 80 and she uses this respect ur elders shit on me so i end up having 2 wash them i KNOW i should wash them for whatever reason it is bc im lazy and im horrible and im a trash person bc i literally BREATHE

and she makes dinner and i wash them thats the invisible 'deal' except the deal only works in HER BENIFIT hence manipulation, when i cook she also expects me to wash the dishes

like when i cook for myself i obv wash them bc I DIRTED THEM I WASH THEM

and she acts like bc i ate the food i have to wash them, by that logic you ate it too so like?

im just so ugh bro im so ugh shes been making me feel like shit all fucking morning bc of it and ive cried like 3 times bc i just wanted to rest bc i cant fucking vent to anyone bc ive been feeling like no one fucking cares abt me and i dont deserve to be amongst other humans bc im always the problem im always causing drama im always the horrible one im always playing victim ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

and plus ive been dealing w this weird thing recently where like my mom shes like not here anymore but i look exactly like her we could be twins okok and my whole family loved and adored her and when she died they were obviously sad bc from what i heard she was a great person and im obv not against that and when she had a daughter they acted like all of their problems were solved HEY WE GET A SECOND ONE OF HER

when they discoverd i look walk talk act like her we have the same intrests

im literally her in a diff font

she was gay, i am also gay

she loved boybands, i love 1d

she wanted to be a nurse, i wanna be a labor and delivery nurse practitioner

she was kind and giving, i am also that

not to mention we basically look the same like i said before, i have a class for career prep bc i wanna be in the medical field and my mom used to work at a hospital and the scrubs we wore, were the same color... as the ones she used to wear

and since then anytime anyone in my family sees me they pull up that picture and laugh and laugh of how i look just like her

and i always get the feeling they dont love me (well obv bc they treat me like shit) but also i feel like they dont love ME for ME just her bc i look like her and im her daughter

and my crazy ass gran has said so she even calls me by my mothers name sometimes not MY NAME its like im not even a person i dont even have my own personality i just STOLE IT FROM HER

its like im a reincarnation of her and i cant help i like all the same things as her bc ig that just happend but sometimes i feel like i dont even have my own identity anymore no one even loves me for me im just sme hollow representation of what they loved before no one in my family actually loves me even if i didnt look like her

they'd cast me aside and call me crazy and weird if we didnt have similar lives they'd treat me like shit more than they already do if i didnt look like her, feels like the only purpose of them treating me with 1% respect is bc i have the face of someone they loved

but then i ask myself, why cant my face be a representation of someone you love? in a weird way... why cant when you look at me you think jamila, not lena

why?

because they dont like me, forever questioning why since i was like 8 my close family just finds me so disgusting and repulsive bc i dont conform to their thinking i dont conform to the typical 'woman' in my family

im not obedient and small, i dont put up with shit i dont deserve, i like diffrent things im still a fucking kid, im sensative to violence and i dont like watchin war movies where ppls arms get chopped off i dont like watching m*rder documentaries i dont like 'facing the facts' of the world and finding it entertaining

i rreally dont

i like princesses and fairys and barbie and winx and one direction and teenage mutant ninja turtles and adventure time and fantasy and glitter and pink and being called babygirl and princess im soft and i dont like those things

AND THEY HATE IT.

I DONT KNOW WHY and i hate that i get hated on bc i dont conform to this invisble checklist of what a woman is by my families standards

by my families standards a woman is obdedient and small and never questions anything shes submissive to her hUsbAnD and shuts up when he/her elders tell her to and do anything to please anyone else in the family bc shes 'well behaved'

and when she has kids, they better not act 'fast' have a personality, act like kids, they better be obdedient little monsters who sit and play quietly while the adults are tAlKiNg

who are EXCLUDED from ever being loved respected or accepted if they act any different

and i hate it.

ty for listening 2 my rant

im sorry it was so long

[penelopeloveshere]

So its just me or...? because in a while I cant get it out of my head... Haladriel/w Celeborn like Cyrano-Roxanne-Christian love triangle's dynamic (that drama was so painful and beautiful to me as a teen, lifechanging really, the hungarian translation is STUNNING, and the whole tragic and wonderful story about love, I cried over the whole book, wrote my thoughts on the edge of the paper, highlighting my fav parts) and the film with Peter Dinklage and the songs, wow, doesnt help at all!!!! Its just getting worse!

So I dont know... Def an AU but how? Halbrand/Sauron/Mairon is not ugly like Cyrano but morally grey/evil(?) And he knows that Galadriel could never loves him, but he is in love with her, so in secret Halbrand writes her letters in Celeborns name. Maybe when Galadriel and Celeborn were meeting again they had some issues, they felt they dont know eachother anymore, they were apart too many years and Galadriel already suffered because of the strange feelings for Halbrand, but she wanted them wash away and Celeborn had his own problems too. So Halbrand always watch Galadriel from a distance and he wants her happy with that Celeborn guy at least if he cant give her anything else. So he writes her letters in Celeborns name. In the first he asks her that they dont mention the letters in face to face because in writing they can be more open and somehow they share a hide-out where they can exchange their letters. So it will be a beautiful conversation about everything in general, tales, poems, feelings, traumas, Galadriel's beauty and how he desire her, maybe a little smut "what I'd do with you" , how old they are and how it feels, and of course he never say the whole truth of everything (like in the show) but he doesnt lie in general etc etc

So Galadriel is getting happier and her feeling for his husband are stronger than they were, she is nicer and kinder with Celeborn in person and because of this he is happy too and they can solve their problems, they lay together and Galadriel is getting pregnant with their daughter. And Sauron is watching EVERYTHING from the distance and its so painful and angst and aghhh, he let her go, no more letters etc.

Bonus: when they are going back to Valinor and organize their things in lothlórien, Celeborn finds Halbrands letters and asks Galadriel who wrote them. (The signature was always just "your love") and Galadriel is in total shock but yeah... She is figuring out

*why am I doing this to myself*

Maybe its just a complete crazyness but I had to write! And for gods sake, in the movie they had lyrics like this:

The way I feel is like falling stars Diving into cold ocean wave Words can only get me so far They cannot describe the way that it hurts 'Cause every time I see you I am overcome I try to tell you Tell you how much I need you But I turn and run Your letters to me are like music They're just a mask in a lonely coward's game What is it you're so afraid of losing? I might lose everything if I lose the pain 'Cause every time I see you I am overcome It'd make you laugh to think someone like me Could keep someone like you Look what I've become

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you. 😅

I love Modern Family. I binge watch that and Brooklyn 99. I just finished watching Living Single, another comedy sitcom. I was into Grey's Anatomy, but then it just kept going on and on with drama and not much medical stuff, that I didn't find it interesting anymore lol

You know, I am the same way with movies when it comes to psychological thrillers. I want to know the whys of the killers mind and not really focusing on the bloody stuff. I enjoyed The Conjuring movies because it gave the background of how things started.

This may sound crazy, but my favorite movies are musicals. I love Phantom of the Opera and Rent. I also love the marvel stuff, Fight Club, and my guilty pleasure...The Notebook.

Music wise, my repeats right now are Heartbreak Anniversary by Giveon, Leave Before you Love me by Jonas Brothers, Older by 5 Seconds of Summer. I have so many different playlists on Spotify though, and they range from pop to rap to filipino songs to country to classical 😅

So like to do batting cages, are you good at any other sports?

Are you into astrology stuff?

Hiii curious george! 😅

Oh yeah, Modern Family is so funny.. i love it. I sometimes even plays it in the background for my comfort or when i'm writing if im not listening to music.

I never watch brooklyn 99 and living single.. other sitcoms i watch often are The Big Bang Theory and Everybody Loves Raymond 😁.

Ah okay, i watched greys before but not too long.. sometimes i watch House. I sometimes rewatch Lucifer. And series that im currently watch whn i have the chance is The Mentalist..it's sooo good. I think u will like it.. because it's a crime solving movie but the main character tries to solve them by focusing on the killer's way of thinking or logic n other little details around.. i swear each episode always have plot twist.

The Conjuring scared me. I used to like to watch ghost scary movies but I stopped after I moved here because i feel that the ghosts r close n usually the house n the apartment looks similar kinda to where i live😅

I loveee The Phantom Of The Opera! Well i'm a big fan of the original singer who plays Christine Dae. I dont know if u know her, her name is Sarah Brightman. She's a british sopranos n she invented the "classical crossover" genre. U should check her music sometimes. I love almost all type of music as long as it doesnt sound too much to my ears

Nah,im not that good at sport. I would do more sports though if i dont have knee injury. N i go to batting cage just for fun n hit some balls. I love baseball.

Astrology? Something like horroscope or something? Yeah i do.

Cheerio!

[seawherethesunsets]

[re: cheer up]

I thought Yoomin was dead. I loved her scenes before she actually showed up. The scene where she gets hit by the light and the scene where (in ep1 or ep2) Jung Woo goes to his office, sees her, the sound of squeaky door and boom she gets hit again... I loved the edit of these two. In terms of suspense, these two and the ending of ep1 were great to me (sound effects and video editing were good👍) and made me excited about the potential death issue. But not anymore. Now I'm unexcitedly waiting for immature/jealous villain(s) to be revealed so that we can move on. :D

Romance is a bit rushed, too. I wasn't comfortable with the captain taking her out to for a drink as an apology (I loved how she was staring at him on the bus stop tho~~~). I'd be totally okay if there was no romance. I think he is fine as a captain and being so already inspires Dae Yi a lot. Crush is cute, too. Finally she has something that flutters her heart-- other than food and money. Mutual feelings would follow a bit later. But now they're at it, I want to see Jung Woo to fully accept and have feelings, I'm curious~~

I'm also curious about how he will handle the policy issue. Please, writers, don't make it boring.

About Dae Yi's brother... Wow, he is a hidden gem :D Hope to see him more! My guess is that she had a call from her mother about his brother and she rushed outside for him (though she didn't look much stressed when Jung Woo finally found her). We'll see tomorrow.

There are too many jealous and immature people in this drama, it gets boring. Especially, Min Jae. The character doesn't have to be made this annoying. I feel upset about it. He probably will a have ~redemption~ through socializing and receiving love etc. But yeah, still boring.

The twins! I like So Yoon, her random comments and English! :D She also looks like she needs a bit more socializing like Min Jae (but doesn't throw tantrums -_-). I can't wait to see more about her story.

See, there is a lot to discuss!

Buddyyyyyyyyy 🌻😘

look at you going off with all the details. obviously you pay more attention and use more brains than me and I love that for you! I'm just watching it, head empty lolol. First off , thank you for all these cos it does reminded me of scenes that I put behind the back of my head.

That first 2 eps of showing yoomin and the spooky vibes got me but then they keep saying she never contacted so I was like oh she's not dead yet and knew she was gonna appear somehow to either be added for suspense or the boring route would be to be a love rectangle now (?) lmao.

I think the romance part is okay for me, pace wise haha. We know jungwoo doesnt like her in that way yet, he cares and worries for her a lot. So yes! curious to see how he'll embrace it when he's sure he likes her likes her hehehe. generally im not that fond of the drinking culture there, but it is their culture and seems like drinking solves all issues in dramas hahha.

Same! I think she received a call from her mom about her brother injured, nothing too serious since she was calm when jungwoo found her. but i wanna know her brother's story! hope they showed more. we have 16 eps more than ample time lol.

Minjae is a petty child, sunbae is annoying hahahha i am curious to know who is the suspicious person tho. But I hope it's not dragged half heartedly till the very end. i dont have high hopes, i just wish it would stay fun until then.

The twins are cute! very rare for a drama to make sure every character they introduced to have a nice coverage of their arcs :\ so we'll see~~

[johnwickmorelikejohnthicc]

i'm at the point where i'm gonna start rambling on here when things start building up. yeah its sad ik just dont read it. this is for me.

i'm just so tired.

family drama, schoolwork on summer break, being pressured into finding colleges and scholarships (especially as the first one in my family to go away to college), my dog starving himself for no apparent reason, my grandmothers declining health and my grandfather in the hospital, watching my mom crumble under the stress- its all so much. and i'm so tired.

i'm the rock in my family. i try to be a model for my sister and a helper for my mom and dad. i'm the friend in the group who has their life together, who has nothing to complain about. and i really don't. i have a good life with a good family in a nice house. it's just that the little things pile up.

the biggest little thing is that my father is loudly homophobic and i'm a closeted bisexual, but i saw that coming. i live in the deep south, so it's not a shocker. it really only bothers me when he drops the slurs. it's not what's causing me to cry once a week or once a day or whenever.

i guess i'm just going through that growing up stage. my dad isn't my superhero anymore. my older brother isn't the idol i thought he was. my mom is stressed to her breaking point and i can't help. my little sister is a teenager too. friends grow apart and lie because people are assholes.

and even though i'm surrounded by all these people, i've never felt more alone in my life.

my friends hardly talk to me anymore unless i initiate contact. they all have better people to talk to, better people to hang out with. i've always been last on the list, but it's painfully obvious now. i guess i'm tired of that.

my family are at each other's throats. there's fake smiles and fake i love yous. i hear everyone complaining about everyone else so much that i don't even know my own opinions. i'm just hoping they the facade up for my baby neice. she doesnt need to see the nastiness yet.

my dog is... a mess. he used to be strictly outside, just because he hated being cooped up, but week or so ago he stopped eating. he's skin and bones. he sleeps all day, and we're scared to take him the vet. i don't want to put my dog down, especially since i *know* he's not suffering. i can see it in his eyes. i raised this dog since i was in 4th grade. he's been with me through hard middle school years, my first fake friend, my first break up. even though he was outside, he was always there for me. now that we're keeping him inside, i've cried into his fur more times than i can count. losing him is the most heartwrenching thought i've had in a while. i love my dog more than i love myself. i know he's going to die, but its still a devastating thought.

i don't even have motivation to write or draw anymore. it used to be my favorite thing to do, but now i just do my summer work or more chores, or i box until i feel like passing out. i don't do anything for fun anymore. the only time i take for myself is to drive and listen to music and imagine what realities my comfort characters are living right now, even if its just to not think for a minute. then again, gas where i live is 450, and i don't have a job. i can't be spending money i dont have.

and yeah, i know these are all first world problems. i know that my country is a shitshow and, as a woman, i'm losing rights rapidly. i know i shouldn't be focusing on this small shit. i know that so many people have it worse than me and i have no right to complain. like i said, i'm not writing this to get any fucking sympathy or pity. i don't want that. i just want to talk without feeling guilty about it like i do when i get real with everyone else. you guys are just strangers on the internet. if you're reading this, it means youre geniunely curious and i'm not holding you hostage.

i guess my base point is that i'm just tired. i'm tired of coming to brutal realizations that my family isnt as strong as i thought it was, and that my friends don't love me nearly as much as i love them. maybe i need to get out of the house. maybe i need to sleep for a day. maybe i just need to scream and cry without being judged.

part of me wants to be 18 to get out of here. most of me is horrified, because i know that if its this bad at 17, it can only get worse.

anyways, if you read this far, congratulations. you made it through a teenagers pathetic diary post. i don't think i described this very well, but who fucking cares lmao.

i'll probably delete this out of shame in a few days. or maybe i'll leave it up for some poor bastard who feels like their problems arent worth crying over. idk. i'll think about it.