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#she used to be terrified of touch
thisisadaseyblog · 1 year
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I am obsessed with the fact that Derek is CONSTANTLY initiating touch with Casey (putting his arms around her shoulders, pinching her cheek, literally picking her up and carrying her when she kisses Jesse, etc. there are many examples) but as soon as she holds out her arms for a hug and he's no longer the one in control of How the Touch is Occurring, he completely freaks out
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debiteful · 6 months
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Utterly gleeful about the FR thread that helps you scale your dragon's images
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I knew her admirer (by her nose) was tiny, but gosh darn I'm giddy at seeing it visualized
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nomairuins · 2 months
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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neobisexual · 4 months
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had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao
#he had like. grown me & a few other and inserted more and more mechanical parts into us through our lives#so we were mostly machine inside. but human-looking outside#and i tried to run away and got the shit kicked out of me by my sister/fellow cult member#she patched me up most of the way but for the complicated stuff dad had to help#one of my arms had been broken so he just cut the whole thing open to fuck with the wires and stuff. it felt so awful guhhhhh#and after that he started trying to finger me and asking questions about wether id slept with anyone while i had been away#and told me he knew id been touching myself and that made me disgusting and corrupt and that was why id tried to leave. and he had to fix#my mind too.#there was blood on his fingers when he pulled them out of me and he got so so pissed#i was crying and trying to explain i was on my period but he said that was a lie and id been trying to hide more injuries from him so he#couldnt finish fixing me#and he spent a solid twenty minutes beating me for it while groping me & continuing to finger me#he had a metal arm n that was the one he was using too so i kept getting cut and bleeding more and hed yell and hit me more and he just#wouldnt stop 😵‍💫😵‍💫#i was tied down by my wrists laying on my tummy but he forced me to roll over so he could punch my stomach a lot too ;-;#toward the end he got on top of me and started grinding against me#talking to me nice again and saying i was his girl and he just wanted to make me better and i only had to cooperate#i was sobbing and panicking still but he was just petting me#he tried to push his cock in me but he like. couldnt fit.#he could only get a couple inches in and he stayed sweet for a little longer but then he started getting frustrated#yelling at me to stop fighting him and slapping my face#and i was trying so so hard to relax and let him in so it could be over but i was just too small#he gave up after awhile and finished cleaning me up without saying anything then left me alone down there. still tied down and crying.#that was only one part of the dream there was a whole plotline where i had made contact with 2 people (a brother and sister) on the outside#who were trying to save me. and i was trying to talk my sister into leaving with me because i was so terrified of losing her#eventually i did get out and ended up living with the brother and sister and it was super cute and sweet#parts of the dream were from her pov too. she made us all matching hats :]
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squirrelno2 · 1 year
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some proof of life for Nightingale:
It wasn’t supposed to be a big, dramatic fight. The idea was to destroy the killer robots before it reached that point.
“They’re down this way,” Nick said. “Two guards. The problem is if we go for them, we have to make sure nobody else comes running. The doors all along this hall have more guards on the other side.”
“I can clear it out,” Flynn said.
“No, you can’t!” Carrie said. “What are you talking about? You have no powers.”
They glared at each other.
“Uh,” Nick said. He looked at Willie, who was picking nervously at his own nails. “That’s never stopped her before, but the Queen’s right. It’s not a good idea.”
“Maybe you could trust me when I say what I can handle?” Flynn said, still glaring at Carrie.
“Is this about me or –“ Nick began, but Carrie cut him off.
“Maybe you could stop putting us all at risk by trying to do things that everyone knows you shouldn’t do?”
“What?” Willie asked, jerking his head up.
“Stay out of this!” Carrie and Flynn said together.
“I wasn’t in it,” Willie said.
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skoulsons · 2 years
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oh winter is going to be so rough.
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spaghett-onaplate · 2 years
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#I am actually so sick of one person right now#🌹 didn't even do anything THAT bad just lots of things that make me want to crawl out of my skin#🌹 is in one of my classes and my friendgroup but she doesn't hang out with us every day#she always hugs me and holds my hand and is super touchy and always has been but it makes me so desperately uncomfortable!#i dont like to hold people's grimy greasy dirty unwashed hands thank you#and its fucking terrifying to get a flying hug from behind with no warning#i do not want to touch people always can you please piss off!#and she doesn't do that with our cis guy friends so i know she sees me as a girl :(#and today on the bus 🌹 was sitting two seats in front of me with a stranger between us#and she got out her phone and was trying to take photos with me and the person beside me or something?#which annoys me enough on its own#but THE STRANGER WAS IN THEM TOO#poor fucking guy i should've told 🌹 to stop straight away but instead i was just desperately uncomfortable in silence!#and stranger dude was obviously annoyed and asked 🌹 to stop#and i wanted to peel my skin off like a potato right then and there jesus fucking christ#how can people be so fucking obtuse and unaware of other people!#i know i should just verbalise this but i get sweaty palms just talking to people let alone being straight with them#hhhhhhhhhhhh it's nice to have friends but these are the first I've had in a while and its difficult to navigate#but she so obviously sees me as a girl and that makes me majorly uncomfortable on top of everything else#i have to see her again tomorrow in maths#:( why#also she goes so fast in maths it makes me stressed when i am still squinting at the numbers trying to make sense of them#not her fault but just#hhhhh everything else is so avoidable if she just had an ounce of self awareness
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oblako · 1 year
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the latest i love yoo episodes... i'm shaking oh my god
#x#this is about the fast pass episodes so#i love yoo fp spoilers#first of all yui makes my skin crawl WOW she is such a well-written antagonist#second of all ilyoo isn't horror but with yui sitting in this dark room sipping her tea smiling to herself like some kind of witch#and rand suddenly appearing covered in blood looking completely haggard#while kousuke is laying there unconscious in this awkward pose with an uneasy expression on his face after yui drugged him#it really could be labelled as horror like damn...#and the way yui positions herself over kou and places her hands on him like she's claiming her territory#like she's some kind of predator claiming her prey#while not allowing rand to even get close and touch kou's hand... jesus CHRIST that sent shivers down my spine 😶#and when she's like 'i love this look on you!' and the 'look' is nol's blood all over him like excuse me???#'red is your color i'd love to see you wear more of it' is she threatening murder now?????#seeing yui go full yui is terrifying and i love it#to see her manipulation on full display the half-truths the thinly veiled threats the gaslighting#the complete lack of concern for her own child...#the way she uses 'our baby' and 'my boy' and 'your son' to rub more salt into rand's wounds#calling him cold and neglectful honing in on his guilt#as if he's not been running from hospital to hospital all night making sure his sons are ok#like listen i have very little sympathy for rand. yui this yui that rand still made his choices#but knowing he had to deal with this for 25+ years really makes me understand more why he does the things he does#why he ultimately became an absent father for both kousuke and nol#because yui sees him getting close to either of them as an attack and takes it out on him or nol#so rand doesn't get close to anyone to keep those he cares about safe#and the rand/nol parallels in that?? this is exactly what nol has been doing!!#when yui says 'without me nobody would be by his side' we know nobody = nol and that's exactly it#without her manipulation kou wouldn't see his own brother as an enemy#without HER they could've been a team... so much pain and suffering could've been avoided.....gOD#there is so much to unpack in this episode alone the drama really is drama-ing#to think that this started out as a lighthearted little story and now we're getting into all this serious and dark stuff god i love it
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luckyladylily · 4 months
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So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.
I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.
People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.
I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.
I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.
I want you to keep all that in mind.
So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"
My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.
Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.
When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.
"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"
I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.
Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.
When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.
It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.
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headspace-hotel · 4 months
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Oh my god I'm sooooo mad right now
So. I have no business telling people not to collect wild plants/materials.
I do it all the time.
However.
The words "wildcrafted," and "foraged," even "sustainably harvested," are terrifying to see in an ad on Etsy or Instagram
There is a such thing as the honorable harvest where you ASK the plant if it is okay to take, with the intention of listening if the answer is NO. Robin Wall Kimmerer talked about this, She did not make it up, it is an ancient and basic guideline of treating the plants with respect.
Basically it is not wrong to use plants and other living things, even if this means taking their life. But you are not the main character. You have to reflect on your knowledge of the organism's life cycle and its role in the ecosystem, so you can know you are not damaging the ecosystem. You have to only take what you need and avoid depleting the population.
Mary Siisip Geniusz also talked about it in an enlightening way in her book Plants Have So Much to Give Us, All We Have To Do is Ask. She gave an example of a woman who was on an island and needed to use a medicinal herb to heal her injured leg or she would not survive the winter. In that situation she had to use up all of the plant that was on the island. This was permissible, even though it eliminated the local population, because she had to do it to save her life. But in return the woman had the responsibility to later return to the island and plant seeds of that plant.
And what makes me absolutely furious, is that there are a bunch of people online who have vaguely copied this philosophy of sustainability in a false and insulting way, saying "wildcrafted" or "foraged" materials to be all trendy and cool and in touch with nature, when it is actually just poaching.
If you are from a capitalistic culture the honorable harvest is very hard and unintuitive to learn to practice. I am not very good at it still. This is why it is suspicious if someone is confident that they can ethically and respectfully harvest wild materials with money involved.
So there's this lichen that is often called "reindeer moss." It looks like this:
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It grows only a few millimeters a year.
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This is "preserved" reindeer moss.
It is from Etsy, similar is also sold in many other online shops, many of which have the audacity to describe it as a "plant" for decorations and terrariums that needs no maintenance.
It is not maintenance-free, it is dead. It has been spray-painted a horrible shade of green. The people buying it clearly don't even know what it is. It is a popular crafting material for "fairy houses," whatever the hell those are. So is moss, also dead, spray-painted, and wild-harvested. Supposedly reindeer moss is harvested sustainably in Finland, where it is abundant, for the craft industry. However poaching of lichens and mosses is absolutely rampant.
It's even more upsetting because there's hardly any articles drawing attention to the problem. This one is from 1999. And the poaching is still going on.
There is a "moss" section on Etsy, and it is so upsetting
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These mosses and lichens were collected from the wild. Most of the shops are in the Pacific Northwest or Appalachia, which are the major locations of moss and lichen poaching. There are some shops based in Appalachia selling "foraged" reindeer moss.
Reindeer moss may be abundant in Finland, but in Appalachia it should NOT be harvested to be sold on Etsy as craft supplies! Moss doesn't grow quickly. Big, healthy colonies like this took years to grow. Some of these shops have thousands of sales, all of bags and bags of moss and lichen, and thinking of how much moss and lichen that must be, I am filled with horror.
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Clubmosses do not transplant well, and these ones have no roots. The buyers do not realize they have bought a dead plant because clubmoss stays green and pliable after it is dead.
This is especially awful because in Mary Siisip Geniusz's book she talked about clubmosses being poached so much for Christmas wreaths that they had almost disappeared from a lot of forests.
I don't even know if this is illegal if it's not a formally endangered species so I don't know if I can report them I'm just. really sad and angry
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strikersin · 3 months
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If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .
But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute
#hello demons.#demons: heyyyy michael#spit take#OKAY let's get into it. basically i am an adult now and i have had my privacy respected as far as i know for a few years#however. it's been violated enough that it's really hard to trust that (impossible challenge). so like either i can Do This.see what happens#or i can behave in only socially acceptable ways (not post at all and not exist) which i already tried for years on end haha. didn't work?#well yes it did <4 i was extremely isolated.#OH HI BROTHER thanks for the wind. in the bathroom for some reasons. aha#^ speaking of this guy? he makes me pee sometimes. i will elaborate#auughauughh it's just it would be really bad and FYO SAID DADDY OVER THE PHONE. I knew this would happen.#i actually cringe so hard im so glad im one of us that accepts being in a system because <3 i cannot deal with that.#anyway it was never addressed and let's hope it never is. or that everyone's dream incest fantasy comes to life. writing that down jusincase#hahahahaha. i would die im going insane over this!#well. cmon. she was terrified and it was like world ending kinda. Like If We Weren't So Sick we would have killed . no we would have lived.#but it would have been hell!#hello Little brother possessing a gnat. i see you. ig logically this means i should take the trash out.#soon .#Norway gahgahgah i can't Believe she did that. it could have DesTroyed everything. but so far it didn't.#I'm not going to say he didn't notice it because we've Never Said That In Our Lives but hopefully it's overshadowed or forgotten or#god forbid. touching#(yeah touching MYSEL— aw i ruined it? damn)#great work everyone
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the-acid-pear · 3 months
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Also I think Amy is allergic to spiders or something. Or maybe just finding rats to right or whatever. Bc every so often she'll show up w a massive bump on her that'll later pop yet no other cat has this happen to them. Maybe she's just stupid who knows.
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laureleikirsch · 3 months
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me, using skills that in 2013 were just enough to get my certified in desktop publishing:
my coworker who seems to be about my age, possibly a couple of years older: YOU'RE A COMPUTER GENIUS
#this was prompted by a post I just saw where someone jokingly asked ''what do kids not use folders anymore?''#(i already forgot if i reblogged it or not)#and like. this example isn't quite accurate because this coworker is in my age group.#but the ''kids'' (born 2000-2005) i work with have almost zero computer literacy#none of them ever learned to touch type#none of them know how to use folders or attach files to emails (let alone how to WRITE emails)#and no one's being taught any troubleshooting or anything#(and a tangent but no one's being taught any professional or technical writing either - it's all academic writing)#(''academic'' being used very generously because i would have been skinned alive if i'd submitted writing like that for a grade)#old man screams at clouds#etc etc#it's just sad to me. like. i get that i have a past employment life in graphic design that was primarily based in desktop publishing#for the first half of it#and functional/elearning design for the second half#so i KNOW i work more quickly and efficiently than the average joe would#THAT PART IS FINE#but the fact that my coworker has so little of a fucking clue that she can't even process what i'm doing?#the fact that i've basically taken over all of our data entry tasks because she has no idea how to describe a physical location on a map?#i'm not a computer genius. my skills in the past were generally considered mediore or a hair above.#but computer literacy is getting worse and worse and it's terrifying in our current technology climate
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lilislegacy · 7 months
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something i feel like we don’t talk about nearly enough is the fact that percy is healed by water.
it’s so normal to us because it’s one of the first abilities we discovered he has. and it makes complete sense. but like… he’s the only demigod with that ability. jason doesn’t get healed by a gust of wind. hazel doesn’t get healed if she touches a diamond. nico doesn’t get healed if a skeleton gives him a hug. annabeth doesn’t get healed if she walks into a library.
like percy could be stabbed in the chest multiple times, he could break every bone in his body, he could be slammed in the head resulting in a crushed skull and hemorrhaging, but get him to some water fast enough and not only is he good as new in no time, but he’s stronger and freshly rejuvenated.
it’s insane when you think about it. no one else can do that. do you know how hard it is to kill percy? even if he’s not near the ocean, he can be healed by rivers and lakes and streams and ponds and all sorts of water sources. water recharges him. it makes him immediately stronger.
that’s a huge reason why i argue percy is the most powerful demigod. yes, he’s shown he has incredible super strength and super speed. yes, he’s a legendary sword fighter - arguably the best one alive. yes, he has control over air, land, and sea. (deadly hurricanes with heavy winds and thunder and lightning, huge volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, etc.) yes, he’s capable of mass destruction. yes he can single handedly cause natural disasters and mass casualties. and yes, he’s capable of controlling people’s bodily fluids, including their blood and saliva. he is terrifying
but even if someone manages to beat him, he dips one toe in some water and he’s immediately healed and even stronger than before. whether the injury is internal and external. he’s healed all on his own. no ambrosia or nectar or external remedies necessary.
guys. percy is insane. he’s way overpowered.
and i love it.
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toyogamii · 2 months
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pt.1
shoko has never seen satoru gojo; the strongest, look quite this weak. he’s sprawled across his office desk and the smell of vodka hits her so hard her eyes water.
“what are you doing?” she drawls, eyes flitting around the room as she tries to make sense of the man’s pathetic state.
“y/n?” he slurs and struggles to raise his head up.
shoko sighs.
“not quite.”
she drops her cigarette to the ground and crushes it with her heel as she walks over to him. he finally meets her eyes and she frowns. he looks… dead. the look reminds her of someone long ago… and for a brief moment she’s terrified of the sorcerer in front of her.
“what’s going on gojo?”
he shakes his head and mumbles incoherently, laying back down on his desk. shoko has to force herself to not roll her eyes and she clenches her teeth together.
“you think this is gonna help you?”
she picks up the nearly empty bottle of alcohol and smashes it on the ground.
“you’re fucking pathetic,” she spits, “get yourself up. you’re not… you’re not going to turn out like him no matter what. you’re gonna man up and fix whatever has caused this.”
satoru stares in drunken shock at the smashed bottle. he sighs.
“i can’t… i can’t fix it,” he mutters, “messed it up to bad.”
shoko sighs again.
“did something happen with, y/n?”
he sniffles at the sound of their name coming from shoko’s mouth and gulps.
”i had to protect them,” he whispers, staring emptily at the ground, “i’m dangerous. being around me is dangerous.”
shoko doesn’t know what to say, she watches him as he watches her.
“… you’ve never been the smartest, have you, satoru?”
he scoffs and swings his arm up wildly.
“you’re so mean to me,” he pouts, the momentum from his arm causes him to slide and stumble out of the chair and onto the floor. he groans and flops defeatedly around.
“you’re a mess. stay right here and try not to hurt yourself please.”
— —
satoru doesn’t know when he blacks out or how long he’s been asleep before he hears muffled voices outside the door. his head is pounding but he feels sober enough… unfortunately.
“i don’t know shoko… after what he did…”
“at the very least talk to him, it may give closure for both of you if nothing else.”
there’s silence. then the wooden door creaks open and he winces, flinching away from the light. your blurry form comes into vision. god you’re just as beautiful as the day he left.
“satoru,” you say.
your voice is like honey to his ear, so sweet and soothing. he lifts his head, his blue eyes shining. it’s been weeks but it’s felt like years. your hand comes done to touch his cheek and he shivers, his eyes almost rolling back at the feeling of your skin on his again.
“what’s going on?”
“i miss you,” he mumbles, nuzzling into your palm. you instinctively stroke your thumb along his cheek bone.
“you cheated on me. you… you left me.”
he shakes his head.
“no.”
you raise an eyebrow and cup his chin, forcing him to meet your eyes.
“what do you mean, no?”
“i could never cheat on you.”
the way he says never almost makes you swallow hard.
“you told me you did.”
”i… lied,” he admits, shame in his voice. you freeze.
“you what?”
he groans and pulls away from you, finally sitting up fully and facing you properly. he wants you in his arms so badly.
“i lied,” he sighs, “i thought it would be better… I thought i was protecting us both.”
he feels the sting of your slap before he can fully process what happened.
“that’s for fake cheating on me.”
he gapes at you, hand coming to his cheek.
“you hit me?!”
“you deserved it.”
“… you’re right.”
you sigh one last time before leaning in and kissing him. you still taste just like strawberries and mint, he thinks.
“and that is because i’m stupid enough to still love you after all this.”
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willowfey · 11 months
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genuine question does anyone have any tips on how to manage prolonged constant extreme anxiety? like the kind where u have to always stay distracted bc any second alone with ur thoughts will send u into a nauseous pit. the kind that makes it so u never get a restful sleep and u never have an appetite and ur hands are always shaking and ur muscles are painfully tense. anyone know uh…… what i can do about that
(i don’t have insurance atm and my medical anxiety is far too high to get anything prescribed atm so i need things that i can do on my own other than breathing and i’m sick of reading articles)
#it feels like it did when my mom was sick and i couldn’t think about anything else for months#except my mom ISN’T sick anymore. so there’s no one reason i can point to#it’s just always there. my stomach hurts my jaw hurts my body hurts#i can do things to stay distracted but when the night rolls back around i feel like i’m trapped in a haunted house#i’m just so tired i wanna cry about it. i want to relax so bad. i want to feel okay and safe and rested SO FUCKING BAD#i didn’t used to be like this i hatehatehate it i don’t wanna be like this or feel like this anymore#not to mention my sister has such high anxiety rn too that even if i’m distracting my own brain she can pull me back into it with hers#how do i exist without being endlessly terrified of everything that could happen to anyone at any time?#without the constant painful awareness of every tick of every second passing by?#im like this close to a meltdown at all times. i’d rather be apathetic than this it’s breaking my bones#i’m physically safe in that i want to remind anyone reading this that i have never been yk. suicidal or anything it’s not like that at all.#i want to be here i’m just SCARED sgajshsnd i’m just shaky and tired and tense and aaaaaaaaa#i need help. idek what that means i just need someone else to tell me it’s gonna be okay#(@ the friends that DO tell me that every day. i love u so much i appreciate u so much. i wish my body would remember it)#i put my feet in grass today and touched a tree and made tea and cleaned the house and it helped a little. it did.#but i just feel like everything takes this constant conscious effort and it’s soooo tiringgggggg i just want to rest#i want to let someone else control my brain for a while#sigh#okay i’m done i just needed to scream about it for a moment#there are places to go and things to paint and songs to listen to#i will keep going. even scared. i just wish i were less scared.
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