#she's a total bitch but i modeled her after me and she has such a good reason to be a bitch

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

it's finals season which means i'm writing sooo much fanfic. i'm working on three (consistently but poking around all of them) rn, the twin au which i've posted about before, the pike au which is so depressing no one wants to hear about it, and the azgeda!clarke au which i posted about once and got no notes which means everyone wants more info. i just wrote this scene for it and i think it's probably the funniest thing i've ever written. spoilers for a fic that will likely never be written lol. clarke was raised by the ice nation so speaks fluent azgedasleng which is in italics.

“She’s in there,” One of the guards pointed to the door both groups were standing around. 

Clarke nodded and for a moment let herself hope, she clenched her hand around the doorknob and imagined that it was Lexa in there, waiting for her. 

Costia smiled as they made eye contact. She sat casually at one end of a long table, boots kicked up. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Clarke asked, plopped down at the other end of the table. Abby shut the door, and leaned against, eyes narrowed at Costia.

“I am just so delighted to see this,” Costia said. “It’s better than I could’ve dreamed. I mean, you? Wanfisa, healer of death, azgedakru supremacist, Lexa’s biggest weakness, now here? Traitor to Lexa and Azgeda? Wearing the clothes of the mountain? It’s almost too good to be true. You even brought your real mom to meet me too, that’s so cute.” 

“My real mother is dead,” Clarke said quietly and Costia’s face went blank. 

“I did hear that. And I’m sorry. She didn’t deserve that.”

Clarke nodded. “What is it you want, Costia?” 

“Mostly this, revenge,” Costia shrugged. “But unfortunately, I’m not here just for pleasure.”

Clarke crossed her arms. 

“Skaikru is fucking terrible at this. Strategies, negotiations, plans. If we lose this war Lexa’s gonna get deposed and we might not have a big enough force like this again to take on the mountain. They need to shape up.”

Clarke nodded. “So, you need me to…” 

“Come back to the war table,” Costia said and stood. Clarke raised her eyebrows as Costia made her way over. “I might hate your guts but you’re smarter than your mother by a longshot. Or any of her people. We need you to win this war.” 

“Lexa won’t be happy with that.” 

“Unfortunately,” Costia said, “she will.” Clarke’s breath caught and she stood. “Consider this a chance to prove your loyalty to the coalition. Maybe even to azgeda.” 

Abby cleared her throat and stepped forward. “Clarke doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone.” 

“The sky people have killed hundreds of innocent trikru, and Clarke is the daughter of their leader. She has a lot to prove,” Costia said. 

“She doesn’t need your people,” Abby said. 

Costia raised an eyebrow at Clarke. “I have been taking your place not just at the war table, you know. In a lot of respects.”

Clarke scoffed. “Impressive. Desperate whore goes after a heart broken woman. It’s never happened before, they’re gonna be talking about you at bonfires for generations.” 

Costia slapped her, hard, across the cheek. “You kiss your skaikru mother with that mouth azas? Lexa didn’t sound all that heartbroken when my fingers were curled inside her.”

“Away from my daughter, now,” Abby got between them. Clarke rolled her eyes and ignored the stinging on her cheek. 

“You’re a skilled hunter Costia, I can’t deny it. Maybe one day you’ll even manage to find some dignity.” Clarke said. 

“Better a failed hunter than a failed healer,” Costia said. “I’ve never hurt her the way you have.”

Clarke thought about returning the slap, but Abby grabbed Costia’s arm. “You’re out of here. Now.” Clarke stayed behind as Costia was escorted to the border and Abby soon returned, arms crossed. “You going to tell me what that was?”

[megalony]

Model Patients

This is an Evan x Reader x Eddie imagine, based on a lovely anon request, kind of like my Doctor Diaz fic. I hope you will all like it I loved writing this. Let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: When (Y/n), Eddie and all their kids bar one get food poisoning, Evan has to look after them all. And he loves it.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie leaned forward and slumped his elbows down on the table, but his eyes flitted to the right to look at the girls sat next to him.

The sight of (Y/n) swaying Nina from side to side in her arms made Eddie's lips curve up into a grin. It was something that Eddie and Evan would never get tired of seeing, which was a good thing considering the three of them had five kids in total now.

And Nina was by far their easiest baby, she didn't fuss, she barely cried and she settled for her naps almost straight away. And she didn't care which parent or person was holding her. All the team had been able to hold and cuddle Nina for ages and she didn't fuss or cry or scream out.

When they had Lois, she was attached to (Y/n), if Eddie or Evan held her for too long she would cry out for her mum. And Eddie knew that had hurt Evan. She was his first baby and he couldn't cradle her all night long like he wanted.

Pete had been a fussy baby, but he had colic so he was always unsettled and crying because he was in pain. They wouldn't have been able to bring him out to a restaurant like this when he was one month old like they could Nina.

Grace had been a daddy's girl through and through and she still was. If Eddie passed her to Evan, she didn't fuss. But if he passed her to (Y/n) she would wake up immediately and if Bobby held her, she knew instantly that it wasn't one of her dads and she would scream.

"Daddy…"

Shifting his eyes from (Y/n) to the highchair resting between them, Eddie smiled softly at Grace. She dropped the children's menu they had put in front of her and held her arms out expectingly.

She made grabby fists in his direction and began to whimper, shedding superficial tears until Eddie sighed and gave in. He unclipped the buckle around her waist and lifted her out the highchair. He knew she wouldn't sit in it for long. They hadn't even ordered yet and she was making a fuss so she could be cuddled instead.

"Come here then," He murmured as he lifted her up and sat her down on his lap, letting her burrow into his chest. Her fingers started to trace over the tattoo on his right arm and she smiled when Eddie leaned his chin on the top of her head.

"What do you fancy, baby?" (Y/n) shifted Nina a little higher in the crook of her arm and looked down at Pete who was sat next to her, tucked up into her side.

Evan was next to Pete, Lois was sat on his lap and Chris was wedged happily between both dads.

Pete shrugged his shoulders and took anothher look over the menu, but he didn't know what to have. He didn't always like what was on the children's menu, he wanted to be like Chris and Lois who always chose of the adult menu. Even though Lois was only one year older than Pete; she was six and he was five.

"Wanna share some pasta?" (Y/n) turned and pushed her chair back so she could ease the newborn down into the pram behind her. Nina was settled now and she'd had a bottle just before they came out, she should sleep through now until they got her back home. And if not, (Y/n) knew Evan would be up and over to take her before her or Eddie could move an inch.

When Pete nodded and smiled, (Y/n) put the menu back in the middle of the table and looked round at the rest of her family.

"Pasta." Chris agreed and smiled when Eddie nodded and muttered "We'll have that too," Referring to him and Grace. She was a fussy eater but she would pick at whatever Eddie ate and if they shared it, she would be more inclined to eat.

"We having pasta too, papa?"

"You can have that if you want baby, I'll have cottage pie." Evan let Lois shuffle back into him and lean her head back on his shoulder.

Pasta was the main dish Bobby had been cooking on almost every shift this week and Evan was done with it. He'd had spag bol, mac and cheese, carbonara. He was finished with pasta, the sight was making him feel queasy and he needed something else.

"That makes you the odd one out." Eddie commented with a grin while Evan rolled his eyes and pretended to laugh.

He was more than happy being the odd one out if the rest of them wanted to get red sauce stained all down their clothes and make a mess while they were out in public.

Evan would rather play it safe.

***

(Y/n) pressed her palm into the wall and used it as leverage to propell herself from the bedroom. Her feet crumpled beneath her and her legs felt like they had turned to jelly as she stumbled down the hall towards the bathroom.

Her forehead pressed against the wood and she gave it a shove but her throat tightened when the door didn't open. She bashed her knuckles on the door and slumped her body against it, wondering which of her family was held up inside.

"Occupied." Eddie's grumbled response came through the door and (Y/n) couldn't help but cry in response.

"I- I- Eddie please! Emergency!" (Y/n)'s gurgled response and the way she started to gag and croak told Eddie she was going to be sick. Whether or not he opened the door, (Y/n) would be sick and she would rather throw up in the sink or in the very least, on the bathroom floor rather than out here on the carpet.

As soon as the lock clicked, (Y/n) stumbled in but she froze when she turned towards the toilet.

Chris was in here too. The twelve-year-old was knelt down on the floor, hunched over with his hands on the toilet and his head in the bowl.

And then there was Eddie. He was sat with his back against the wall on the left side of the door, his feet wedged up against the bottom of the toilet. His arms were bound around his legs that were coiled up to his stomach and his forehead had been resting on his knees until (Y/n) rushed in.

He looked terrible. His skin had lost all colour, he was reduced to an ungodly shade of grey (Y/n) only ever saw on him when he was ill or when he had been in hospital after he got shot. His eyes were rimmed with dark purple and black streaks. His lips were no longer a loving shade of ruby red but were now pale and almost hazy blue. And his body was shaking back and forth against the wall.

(Y/n) couldn't spend long looking at one of her boys. She spared Chris and Eddie a glance before she turned to the right and grabbed the sink just in time to throw up. Her chest imbedded into the edge of the sink and her fingers scratched into the cold porcelean.

She coughed, heaved and gasped as she tried to breathe but couldn't fathom how when she couldn't stop throwing up.

"Mum sick too?" Chris lifted his head from the toilet and looked tiredly over his shoulder. He too had no colour to his skin, his complexion was pale, his eyes were half lidded and he was starting to sweat.

A quiet whine left Chris's lips when Eddie nudged him to the side, grunting as he parted his knees to the side and leant over to throw up into the toilet.

Eddie spat into the toilet and flopped back, letting his head bang against the wall with a loud thud. He gasped for breath, but when he looked across at (Y/n) and noticed her barely able to keep herself stood up, he flinched.

"Oh God… Evan! Babe!" Eddie hollered as loudly as he could but his voice was croaky and his throat felt inflamed.

He let his left arm slump back over his knees that were pinned into his throbbing stomach. But he moved his right hand, clenching it into a fist so he could ram his fist on the wall. He hit the wall a few times, loud enough to make an echo course throughout the house. They needed some help.

"What's… going on?"

The door opened again but Evan didn't dare step inside. He darted his eyes between the boys and (Y/n) who finally pulled away from the sink. But Evan shivered when he watched her knees quake and she used the sink as leverage to lower herself down to the floor. Her legs curled beneath her and she let her head press against the sink that felt refreshing and cold against her clammy skin.

"You okay?" The way Eddie tilted his head to one side and looked up at Evan made him shiver.

"Me? I'm good, but you two look like death on legs."

"I th- I think we've got food poisoning, Pete's sick too. Go c-check the girls." Eddie grimaced and closed his eyes when the bathroom light started to become far too bright for his eyes.

If Evan was alright, Eddie would guess they all got some sort of food poisoning from the pasta they ate last night. They all had the same thing and if Evan was fine, then that seemed to cement things.

When Chris started crying out for Eddie, he practically crawled into the boy's room. He found Chris struggling to get out of bed, feeling horrid and his stomach aching. And poor Pete was curled up in bed, shivering and whimpering saying his stomach hurt.

"Oh fuck, okay hang tight." Evan spun on his heels and darted out of the bathroom. He would be back to carry them all back to bed in a minute, once he'd checked on the rest of the kids.

He poked his head around the boy's door since it was open and he wanted to see if Pete had been sick or if he was still asleep. He had about four teddies cuddled to his chest, he was shaking and the little whimpers he let out told Evan that he was indeed awake. But he was somewhat settled for now and Evan would come back to give him some medicine soon.

Bypassing their room, Evan headed into the girl's room and flicked on the light. He didn't like what he was faced with.

"Papa, I don't feel well." Lois whimpered, nuzzling her face into the pillow but she couldn't get back to sleep now. Her tummy hurt, it felt like her insides were twisting in knots and she wasn't sure if she needed to go to the toilet or throw up.

Evan couldn't help the way his lips pulled into a grimace when he looked between Lois and the floor.

Sometime during the night, she had thrown up on the floor and clearly, she didn't remember or realise she'd done it.

"I know baby girl, no one's well today. Um, why don't you go hop in our bed while I sort out? Mum and daddy will be back in bed in a minute."

His eyes followed her as she groggily sat up and shuffled out of bed, but the moment Lois looked down and realised she had thrown up during the night, her face fell. Her lips parted and tears welled in her eyes before she hurriedly looked up at Evan. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to."

"It's alright baby, hey it's okay. Go get Pete and tell him to get in our bed, I want you all where I can look after you." When she shuffled past him, Evan leaned over and kissed the top of her head. He didn't want her apologising when she couldn't help it.

He figured all his family were going to be held up in bed for the next few days and he was going to have to call Bobby and ask for a few days off. If all the kids- minus Nina who was only a month old- were ill and both Eddie and (Y/n) were out of action, that left Evan to care for them. Something he secretly loved doing.

His attention turned to the cot on the other side of the room and he headed over to see if Grace was okay or not. She had eaten about half of Eddie's dinner last night so Evan would guess she was going to be sick too.

"Papa," Grace tried to stand up in her cot and she held her arms out for him. She looked very flushed and her eyes were red and puffy as she sobbed. He knew she had been fine when he put her to bed last night and when (Y/n) checked on her this morning while she was up with Nina.

"Come here, baby-cake."

Reaching down, Evan gently scooped her up but he grimaced and his nose crinkled when she threw up on him. Right on his chest. Right in the centre of his shirt. He thanked God he had gone to bed in pyjamas last night and not just his boxers or he might have thrown up too.

A horrid scream gurgled past Grace's lips when Evan set her back down in the cot. "Baby- shh just one second, please." He carefully reeled his shirt over his head and dumped it on the floor, he would get Grace in bed and then clean up. "I'm here, okay I'm here. Let's go get everyone else, you're all having a day in bed."

"With you?"

"I'm playing doctor today, baby-cake."

Evan headed out the room but he juggled Grace higher on his chest when she wrapped her arms around his neck. She wasn't going to let him put her down. He aimed for the bathroom and his lips pressed into a thin line when he looked between them all.

"Baby, sit with daddy look. Careful, she's just thrown up on me." He leaned down and eased Grace into Eddie's arms.

A groan tumbled past Eddie's lips when Grace sat on his stomach and flopped forward onto his chest. Her head tucked beneath his chin and she scrunched his shirt up in her hands, sniffling into his neck. He moved his hand to cradle her bum and rubbed his other palm up and down her back.

"Shh, s'okay. Dad's gonna look after us all today, hm?" He pressed his lips to the top of Grace's head and when he looked up at Evan, he saw him grin in their direction.

(Y/n) coiled both arms around her waist and pressed down until she was about to explode. Her stomach was physically twisting. Her throat burned like she had swallowed bleach and she wanted nothing more than to go to sleep but her body was aching too much for that to happen. She was in agony.

She felt tears burning in her eyes when Evan crouched down beside her and pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek. At least with them all having food poisoning, it couldn't be passed onto Evan or Nina. So he could kiss and cuddle them all he liked and not make himself sick. It was a good job he had chosen something different to eat last night.

His arms wound around her and he effortlessly scooped her up. He could see from how she was practically laid on the floor that she wasn't going to be able to walk back to bed. And he didn't want to waste time trying to support her to walk when he could just carry her instead.

"Eight of us in this house, and only me and the baby are alright."

***

"There we go. You're a good girl, hm?" A tender smile flooded Evan's face as he looked down at the newborn in his arms.

He let his weight fall back until his hips bumped into the kitchen counter and he crossed one leg over the other. He had Nina cuddled up in his left arm, her eyes half-lidded as she was starting to fall back into another nap which didn't surprise Evan. While he had been bustling about the house for the last hour, she had been awake and gurgling into his chest.

He put the washing on, cleaned up and tidied all the bedrooms and made something to eat. He had been out for a drive a little while ago and Nina had slept through the whole ride.

Carefully, he removed the bottle from her lips and set it down on the side so he could shift Nina up onto his chest. He felt her hand begin to tap against his chest while her chin perched on his shoulder and her soft breaths fanned against his neck.

Even though he had been looking after everyone in the house, it had been a little strange but wonderful for Evan to get sone one to one time with Nina. (Y/n) and Eddie could barely stay awake other than to throw up or groan and shuffle around in bed. They were occupied trying to settle the rest of the kids and keep them calm.

So Nina had been Evan's priority because he was fine to change her and feed her and coo and entertain her.

"We're alright aren't we, baby girl? We didn't eat the pasta." He murmured softly while he smoothed his hand up and down her back and turned around to face the kitchen counter. "Alright, we need some medicine for everyone, and you can go lay with mummy."

His left arm moved up and down to sway Nina against his chest and shoulder and he grabbed the medicine bottles from the cupboard. He had been dosing them all up every four hours but Pete and Grace were horrid when it came to taking their medicine. And so was (Y/n) when she threw it up earlier and Eddie felt drowsy after taking his painkillers.

Once all the medicine was laid out on the counter, Evan moved his right hand to cradle the back of Nina's head and he walked out of the kitchen, past the dining room and into he lounge.

Yesterday, everyone had been held up in bed and they mostly slept and threw up. But when Pete and Lois projectile vomited all over the bed this morning, Evan evicted them. They were lucky that they had two large sofas in the living room and one of them was a sofa bed. So Evan had pulled the bed out and everyone was in the lounge. Curtains closed, Disney movies stacked and layered the floor and blankets and pillows were strewn about everywhere.

His heart softened when he looked at his unwell, bed-ridden family.

Eddie was wedged in the left corner, half propped up by at least three pillows. He had been burning up all night so he was laid in his boxers and nothing else which was a sight Evan was happily drinking in whenever he could. He had Grace curled up on his chest, her head tucked right against his neck under his chin and his arms were wound around her.

Pete and Lois were squashed in the middle, sniffing and squirming every now and then. Neither of them had slept well during the night. Chris was laid across the foot of the bed, propped up on two pillows as he laid on his stomach to try and relieve the pain he felt.

And (Y/n) was huddled right in the other corner of the bed, her head buried in a pillow. Her arms were wound around her waist, her knees were slightly coiled up and she had a blanket tucked around her since she was cold and the others were burning. She was wearing a pair of Evan's jogging bottoms and one of his grey lounge shirts.

"She's having a nap, do you want her for a bit?"

A small, strained smile pulled at (Y/n)'s lips and she nodded, if a bit gruffly and held her arms out. She hadn't spent a lot of time with Nina this last day.

She let Evan lean over her and when he was close enough, she tilted her head back and pressed her lips against his neck. She breathed in his scent and nudged her nose into his skin which caused a laugh to vibrate through his chest and down to her. He eased Nina onto her chest and kissed her head before he leaned up and kissed (Y/n)'s lips.

(Y/n) tilted her head down and pressed her chapped lips to the top of Nina's head who was quietly yawning and smacking her lips together.

She stayed cuddled up with Nina but she lifted her gaze to watch Evan drift out of the room and come back a few moments later.

Medicine time.

"Alright, let's get you all sorted. Chris?"

The eldest gingerly lifted his head and pushed up onto his knees on the bed so he wasn't lying down. His hands moved to his knees and his nose scrunched up when Evan held out the small syringe of calpol medicine. He grimaced and shook his head after he'd taken both doses and quickly flopped down onto his stomach. He knew the rules, they had to let their medicine settle for at least five minutes before they had a drink to wash it down.

"Lois, baby?" Evan sat down on the end of the bed near Eddie's feet and motioned for Lois to move over to him but she shook her head. She shifted to the side and tried to burrow herself under Eddie's arm.

"Medicine or you go in your own bed tonight." Eddie warned and shifted his arms tighter around Grace so Lois couldn't hide behind him. She couldn't have the privillege of staying here with them now or tonight if she didn't take her meds. She would only feel worse if she refused.

They were all still being sick. They managed lunch and dinner yesterday but started throwing up during the night again. And both Eddie and (Y/n) weren't doing well on intaking any fluids.

With a grumble and a whine that made her nose scrunch up and look like (Y/n), Lois crawled down the middle of the bed until she was slumped next to Evan's knee.

The moment she took the medicine, Lois started to cough and her throat tightened as she began to gag. Evan looped his hands beneath her arms and lifted her up until she was stood between his legs. He let her slump her head on his shoulder and he smoothed his hand up and down her back to try and coax her to calm down. If she panicked and gagged she would definitely be sick.

"Good girl." He kept her leant on his chest while he filled another syringe and waved his hand for Pete to come over to him.

Pete could barely keep his eyes open. He leaned forward with his legs crossed beneath him and his arms limp on his lap. He managed to keep his head up, coughed as he took his medicine, then flopped back down with a groan.

"Okay, and one for baby-cake." Evan held out the syringe to Eddie since the two of them were cuddled together.

"Have this baby, then you can have some juice." Eddie tilted his head to the side and brushed his finger over Grace's cheek to coax her into opening her eyes. He didn't mind her staying curled up on his chest as long as she took her medicine.

It worked to his advantage that she didn't seem to know what was going on as she was half asleep. when Eddie pressed the medicine to her lips, she accepted it before she started to whimper and tuck herself more into his neck.

"Now you two."

"No, Evan I can't, I- I'll throw it up."

"Mi amor, if the kids had to then so do you." Eddie flopped his head back against the pillow and turned to look over at (Y/n). He knew she was worried about being sick but she had to try.

(Y/n) grimaced and made sure Nina was settled on her chest before she took the spoon Evan held out to her. With her eyes closed, (Y/n) chugged the medicine as quickly as she could and shivered when she felt her stomach twist, she really felt sick now.

Her hand pressed to her mouth and she tilted her head back, shoulders quaking as she swallowed at least three times so she didn't throw it up.

Reaching out, Eddie took the spoon and downed the medicine, shaking his head and cracking his jaw as he groaned at the taste. But he would take anything if it stopped him throwing up and having the taste of acid and bile at the back of his throat.

"See, you've all been model patients." Evan perched his chin on Lois's shoulder and pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek to make her smile. "I got some fluid IVs from the station earlier, like you said. Want me to hook you both up to one? I got those things too… diuretics, since none of you are keeping any fluids down."

Evan had gone to the station to have a word with Bobby, just to make sure Eddie had the rest of the week off and Evan had the next four days. While he was there, he let the team steal Nina for a cuddle and he went in the back and found some saline bags and IV lines and needles. He knew neither of his partners were managing to keep much fluids down and they had thrown up all their meals yesterday.

He needed some in case the kids got any worse too. And he found diuretics to give to all of them except Grace as she was only a toddler. It would give all of them some vitamins and essentials and keep them boosted with all the throwing up they had done between them.

"Hook us up, I feel like shit."

Evan reached his hand down and bashed Eddie's thigh, muttering a quiet 'language' and frowning playfully at him.

"Alright, whoever wants a bath shuffle off the bed and wait in the hall please. That way we have no wires getting pulled out." A bath might make the kids feel better and more inclined to sleep. And it would let Eddie and (Y/n) have a while to themselves to be on a drip without anyone wriggling around or lying on the wires and pulling them out.

Lois tiredly shuffled out of Evan's arms and flopped down to her feet but she could barely hold herself up. She shuffled into the hall while Pete gruffly followed along, dragging his feet behind him.

"Go get a bath, girlie." Eddie gently pulled Grace off his chest and leaned over to set her down on her feet. She swayed as she waddled over and took Lois's hand, clinging to her sister until Evan came back. She wanted one of her parents, she wanted love and attention and cuddles galore.

"Babe…" (Y/n) shuffled across the bed and moved her arms towards Eddie who faintly smiled and reached out for Nina. He was fine with needles whereas (Y/n) wasn't a fan and it made her feel lightheaded. When she had her bloods taken at the doctors, the boys always had to go with her as she had a tendency to faint.

(Y/n) shuffled down and tucked her face into Eddie's shoulder, kissing his bare skin as she dragged her blanket higher around her. A smile pulled at her lips when Chris moved up and snuggled himself down into the corner where (Y/n) had just been sitting so she was now between two of her boys.

Tilting his head to the side, Eddie pressed a kiss to the top of (Y/n)'s head and started to run one hand up and down Nina's back. She was well and truly off to sleep now but she could stay with them a while longer and have a cuddle before she went in her cot.

When Evan came back with the bag of goodies Hen had graceously helped him rob from the station, he sat down next to Eddie's thigh. He took his chance to cup Eddie's chin in his hand and tilt his head up for a kiss. He was overjoyed that food poisoning couldn't be contagious like a sickness bug, it meant Evan could kiss and snuggle his partners all he liked without getting ill himself.

"I look like shit," Eddie murmured with a raised brow. He knew he looked far from his best and he felt like he was on death's door, but the goofy smile and the flash of teeth made Eddie's stomach flip.

"Hm, you look good to me." Evan stole another kiss and took the chance to bite down on Eddie's lip just to make him groan. "Where'd you want it?"

A tired, lopsided smile pulled at Eddie's lips and he kept his left hand on Nina's back while he held his right hand out to Evan. If the IV was on his right hand, he could rest his arm on the edge of the sofa bed or on a cushion so none of the kids bumped into him or pulled it out by mistake. And it meant he could loop his left arm around (Y/n) or the kids if he wanted to.

Eddie closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the top of (Y/n)'s head. Breathing into her hair and focusing on the feeling of her lips pressing hollow kisses up and down his shoulder and over as much of his neck as she could reach.

He stayed still and patient while Evan swiped an anticeptic wipe across the back of his hand and poked around to find a good vein. He found one and got out a needle and cap.

"Here you go, babe." His thumb pressed down on the back of Eddie's hand over the vein and he carefully inserted the needle. He tore off two pieces of medical tape to secure it in place and attached the fluid line.

Evan took the opportunity to lean over Eddie, give him another searing kiss and place the IV bag on the back of the sofa behind the pillows. He made sure the wire wasn't tangled or crumpled and it was wide open. Being behind the pillows stopped any of the kids from playing with it or bursting it when they came back.

"Your turn," Evan spoke gently and smiled when (Y/n) placed her right hand on his thigh while her left hand stayed curled around Eddie's bicep. She kept her cheek resting on his shoulder and shuffled a bit higher so her lips and nose could brush against Eddie's neck. She didn't want to see the needle go into her skin.

She felt Evan swab the back of her hand and poke around to find a suitable vein. But the moment the needle capped into her vein, (Y/n) could feel her stomach giving an awful twist and she scrunched her nose and pushed further into Eddie.

It felt like her pulse was throbbing under every inch of her skin and her head started to pound and feel like it was building up ready to explode.

"All done-"

Eddie groaned and brought his knees up near his stomach out of shock and instinct when (Y/n)'s forehead bashed into the side of his neck. He struggled to take a proper breath and he tried to keep his eyes on Evan when he felt (Y/n) slump and loll against his left arm.

She'd fainted.

"Oh God, come here," Evan moved the IV tube around the back of (Y/n) and tucked the saline bag behind the pillows next to Eddie's one.

He slipped a hand beneath her neck and Eddie's shoulder and gently reeled her up away from Eddie so she could slump back into the pillows. Evan expected a similar reaction, especially considering she didn't do well with needles and she hadn't eaten anything which would make her more lightheaded than usual.

He gently eased her back into the den of pillows and let her head slump to the right near Eddie. She would come around in a moment.

"Look after your mum for me while I do bath time." Evan murmured as he leaned over and kissed the top of Chris's head.

Chris leaned to the right, wrapping an arm around (Y/n)'s waist and leaning his head on her arm. He grinned when Evan kissed (Y/n)'s temple, then moved to do the same to Eddie and Nina before he climbed off the bed. Three of their five kids were waiting patiently to get a bath.

And when Evan looked across at them, his smile softened like butter. Lois was swaying back and forth on her heels, trying to stay awake and upright but she looked like she was about to collapse. Pete was leaning back against the wall with an arm around his stomach and his thumb between his teeth. Then there was Grace. The toddler was sat on the floor with tired eyes and her arms stretched up in Evan's direction.

"Bathroom, troop."

He leaned down and scooped Grace up so he could sit her on his hip while Lois and Pete walked in front of him towards the bathroom. Their movements were sluggish and their feet were shuffling along behind them, they were growing tired.

It made Evan's heart soften to see Lois and Pete slump down on the bath mat and lean their heads on the edge of the bath. They looked just like they were about to fall asleep and it made him smile. He turned on the bath and let Lois add half a bottle of bubbles.

"Let's get some pjs," He spoke quietly into Grace's hair and headed into the girl's room to find them some clothes to change into.

Evan crouched down in front of the bath, pressing his knees into the bottom of the tub while he turned off the taps and nodded for Pete and Lois to climb in. He tried to unlatch Grace's arms from his neck but she held tight, tucking her face into his neck as she grumbled.

"No."

"Oh, come on girlie, you'll feel better." Evan leaned over and fought hard to undo Grace's hold over his neck that was beginning to ache. Finally, she seemed to relent and flopped her arms down into the bath, splashing bubbles up high into the air.

Grimacing, Evan pulled back and sighed. He reeled his shirt up over his head and tossed it into the wash basket. They could splash him all they wanted today and he wouldn't fuss, as long as the kids felt better and smiled.

His arms folded on the side of the bath and he perched his chin on his arms, smiling when Pete turned around and placed a wad of bubbles right on the end of his nose.

"Thanks, buddy." He mumbled softly and reached a hand down into the water to grab a fistful of bubbles and splatter them onto Pete's hair.

His eyes cast down to Grace who was sat in the centre of the bath, right in front of him and he frowned when she reached up and patted his cheek. "Shave." She whispered, causing Evan to grin despite his confusion.

"I shaved this morning, I'll have you know." He moved his hand to run along his chin and down his neck. Evan shaved every morning. He didn't like facial hair, he never tried to grow a beard because the one time he did when Lois was a toddler, she cried when she saw his beard. Since then, he always shaved.

Whereas the kids didn't seem to mind when Eddie grew out his facial hair. But they were all used to Eddie having stubble most of the time so a beard wasn't a lot different. Both men had taken to shaving every day recently.

"No, shave."

His lips curled into a frown and his eyes narrowed down on his little girl, but a quiet grumble left his lips when he realised what she meant.

Grace found a handful of bubbles and smeared them all along Evan's face, lips and down his neck until he was coughing and snorting lavender bubbles. She then dabbed her hand in the water, and very carefully started to brush her index finger through the bubbles. She was pretending to shave him.

Evan stayed still and silent, closing his eyes for a moment when grace swiped the bubbles rather close to his eyes over his cheekbones. And he tilted his head back to let her clean the bubbles from down his neck.

Her gentle touch was soft and rather precise and delicate and Evan found himself smiling brightly. He was so used to the kids messing and tracing over all his various tattoos, but this was different.

"All done." Grave dipped both her hands in the warm water and planted them down on Evan's face, patting him like she was pretending to apply cream to his face.

"Is that better, baby-cake?"

Grace nodded with a tired smile before she leaned her head forward and pressed her cheek down into his arm. She curled both hands around Evan's arm that was dangling in the water and leaned on his other arm. Her eyes fell closed and she curled up in the water as if she was lying in his arms.

Leaning down, Evan kissed the top of her head and slid both hands into the water. One arm stayed around her front while his other hand reached out to mess with the bath toys Lois was pushing around the water.

The eldest girl was laid back so the water was up to her chin and she was tossing the rubber toys back and forth, but she wasn't really bothered with them. She was too tired to play which told Evan she really was ill. And Pete wasn't much better.

He leaned over and slumped himself against Evan's free arm and closed his eyes.

"Have we all had enough?" Evan mumbled quietly, looking around the three of them who all nodded. "Alright, one… two… three." He helped each of them out and handed them a towel, but a sigh passed through his lips when he looked down at Pete.

He flopped across Evan's lap, curling up with his arms around his middle and his head on Evan's jogging bottoms. The material turned a dark shade of grey and Evan tried not to grimace at the feeling of his bottoms now sticking to his legs. He knew Pete couldn't help it, he was sick and almost asleep.

"No… no! Papa mine!" Grace tried to nudge Pete off of Evan's lap but she stopped when Evan wrapped a towel around her and moved her to stand at his side.

"No, jealous bum, you can share me."

He wrapped a towel over Pete who seemed content just to wait and lie where he was. While Lois got herself dried and dressed, Evan dried Grace and looked around for her pull-up and pyjamas.

Grace flopped down on her back and kicked her legs out at Evan with the last little bit of energy she had. A smile on her face and a squeal passing her lips when Evan caught both her ankles in one hand and tugged her closer. He slipped on her pull-up and fought to get her into her onesie when she wriggled around on her back like a worm, just to wind him up and be cheeky.

"Go find daddy." Evan murmured as he lifted Grace to her feet and sent her on her way with a kiss on her temple.

She followed Lois out the bathroom, both respectively shouting for (Y/n) and Eddie.

"Pete… and you're asleep."

With his hands beneath Pete's arms, he carefully shuffled Pete off his lap and onto the bath mat in front of him. He dried him off and easily got him into his pyjamas while Pete barely turned his head or made a sound.

"I guess you're mine this afternoon buddy, hm?" Evan carefully lifted Pete up and settled him down on his chest with his face tucked into Evan's neck. He smoothed his hand up and down Pete's back as he walked down the hall and back into the living room towards the rest of his family.

A burning smile flooded Evan's face when he looked over them all. Eddie still had Nina curled up on his chest, but he now had Grace under his right arm and she had one hand on Nina's back as if she was soothing the youngest girl to sleep. (Y/n) had Lois curled up between her legs and Chris still attached to her left side.

Moving over, Evan sat down next to Chris and did his best to wedge himself into the tiny space at the end between Chris and the arm of the sofa. He kept Pete curled up on his chest and draped a blanket around them both.

"I think I'm rather good at playing doctor, don't you?"

[sl0t4matt]

hard launch with hector fort 🙏🏻🙏🏻

h. fort | hard launch

love love this trope. thank u, anon!! also added a few more posts than just the hard launch hope u don’t mind :)

youruser kinda in my wag era rn

liked by hctorforrt_ and 679.055 others

random OMG WHAT

random she’s fine af how did he pull her lmao

╰┈➤ random they are both very attractive bro

random did somebody say hard launch?!

yourbestfriend hottest wag

╰┈➤ youruser luv u

random who’s she and why is she with hector

╰┈➤ random prolly his gf

hctorforrt_ i still don’t know what that means

╰┈➤ youruser r u slow i told you like 10 times

lamineyamal thank god i can’t keep secrets

╰┈➤ youruser 🙄🙄

╰┈➤ random lmao lamine knew

random can someone watch my grwm? 🥺

╰┈➤ random no 🥺

marcguiu9 someone took my bitch

╰┈➤ youruser bohoo 🥺

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ marc 😫🫃

╰┈➤ youruser homosexuals

╰┈➤ random theyre dating atp

╰┈➤ random LMAO i love her 😭

random noo hector 😓

random wha- shocked.

lamineyamal gonna be a long ass era

liked by creator

hctorforrt_ still not sure how i pulled this 

liked by marcguiu9 and 308,940 others

youruser ur cute

random hottest couple

random i think we missed a chapter or two

random crying rn she’s pretty tho

fcbarcelona champ on and off the pitch 🤙

liked by creator

random lol this came out of nowhere

random she’s beautiful

liked by creator

random WTH HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND

╰┈➤ random yes and she mogs u

random they compliment each other so well

╰┈➤ random fr both hot af

marcguiu9 i accept i guess

╰┈➤ youruser thank you for your blessing🙏🏼

_ferminlopez my kids

╰┈➤ random daddy

╰┈➤ _ferminlopez come again?

╰┈➤ random oh

random she only wants him for money

╰┈➤ youruser omg you caught me 😰

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ lmao

╰┈➤ random she’s a model i’m sure she has her own money

433 goat good luck!

liked by creator

random HARD LAUNCH ⁉️

hctorforrt_ added to their story

hctorforrt_ she said she would look “so sexy” pregnant

╰┈➤ youruser bitch why would u post that (i would totally rock being preggo)

hctorforrt_ wym you always look good (only with my children tho)

youruser you flirt 🤭 also i’m totally not letting you get away with this

hctorforrt_ yeah sure

hctorforrt_ i was zipping up her dress lol

liked by youruser and 208.086 others

youruser stop talking big you literally couldn’t do it for shit

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ i did it in the end tho

╰┈➤ youruser yeah when we were already late

random the last one 😍 she’s so cute

lamineyamal papi when r u posting yourself 🥵

liked by creator

╰┈➤ paucubarsi i miss his face too 😔

╰┈➤ marcguiu9 me three

╰┈➤ youruser ew

╰┈➤ random they are so funny 😭

youruser i’m gonna get revenge for the story wait up

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ shivers down my spine 😱

╰┈➤ youruser okay bitch it just got worse

paucubarsi i think she has something on her nose

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ omg really bro 😱

╰┈➤ youruser leave him alone 🙄

random it’s always the models

╰┈➤ random literally stop calling yourself a fan when you say shit like that

╰┈➤ random just let him be happy omg?!

youruser i’m kind of liking this wag lifestyle

liked by marcguiu9 and 469.976 others

marcguiu9 JAJAJAJAJA

liked by creator

random omg haha hector looks so cute in that picture

lamineyamal slaying fr

╰┈➤ youruser ate fr

paucubarsi the pic of hector is killing me

╰┈➤youruser u and everyone else

hctorforrt_ you’re evil

╰┈➤ youruser it’s your own fault 🥱

hctorforrt_ just because i’m in love w u doesn’t mean u can do shit like that!!!

╰┈➤ youruser aw you’re in love with me 🤭

lamineyamal nah deserved after that story

╰┈➤ youruser i know right!

╰┈➤ paucubarsi fr did you dirty with that

╰┈➤ hctorforrt_ you’re supposed to be MY friends?!

╰┈➤ youruser hah! they love me more

fcbarcelona hector always been a culer 💙❤️

liked by creator

random why is no one talking about how good she looks?!

liked by creator

[bigfatbimbo]

Hey boo hope your day is going well,

I was wondering if you have any his of Velvette dating someone who likes to cook?

(I'm trying to think of some Sage x Velvette content but I'm drawing a blank bestie :()

a/n — I lowkey have been wanting to sit down and write this for a long time because it was so close to being done for like.. weeks.

warnings — Mostly fluff, Velvette is her own warning, suggestive themes, gn reader, NOT PROOFREAD!!!

summary — Velvette x a cook!Reader

Let me just say, Velvette is someone who loves princess treatment. Like it’s truly expected, and incredibly appreciated.

So after a long day at work, her models were getting on her nerves, she had tons of shit to do

and she comes home, beaten, bitchy, and incredibly tired, and she smells something amazing wafting through the air.

Realizing where you were and what you were doing, she’d approach you from behind and rest her head on your shoulder as you cook.

You were making her favorite meal, and god that’s amazing after a long day.

She’d definitely ask you to cook whatever she was craving.

Like totally on the spot, too.

She’d see something that looks good on voxtok and just flash you a photo and be like “Cook this.”

Or out the blue she’d be like “I’d kill for a fucking pancake right now.”

And now you’re on duty, you better cook it up fast because the princess is waiting.

I feel like she’d be a picky eater too.

But in the sense where if it doesn’t look aesthetic, she isn’t eating it.

“I’m not eating that shit, looks like vomit on a plate.”

Like even if it’s really good.

But when it does look good, she is snapping photos of your food left and right, posting it all over instagram (voxtagram??)

And definitely bragging in the description like “look what a special someone cooked up for me. Love you babes xoxoxo @[y/n]”

Also definitely asks you to cook for fashion shows, maybe other of the Vees events.

She’s definitely boasting about how you pamper her like that.

Making snide comments to Vox like “When was the last time Val cooked for your sorry ass? HA, thought so.”

Princess treatment plays into it, but also appreciating her to a level that’s beyond skin deep.

Like everyone thinks, no, knows she’s hot shit, that’s obvious

but only you know the recipe for brownies that she really likes,

or how she has a soft spot for warmer meals like homemade biscuits.

Winding down after a long day, cuddling into you, and eating your special nacho recipe while watching tv.

Something about you cooking for her makes her feel like royalty, and rightfully so, in her opinion.

If you’re well known enough to actually work as a chef or have a restaurant, god knows where she’s spending all of her time.

Shes stopping by, more like bursting in, and harassing all the staff until she ensures she’s getting something cooked by you.

“Who made this shit? Chelsea? Chelsea can shove it up her ass, get me something from an actually competent chef.”

Rinse and repeat until it’s you.

Coming home to a warm meal from you always makes her feel appreciated.

She’s a terrible bitch, however, and she has the awful habit of trying to distract you while you cook.

She comes up behind you in a seemingly harmless hug, planting an innocent kiss on your neck like the sweet girlfriend she is and

and her hands are creeping up your shirt.

“Velvette, stop distracting me, foods gonna be fucked—“

”I’m not doing anything!”

And her fingers are toying with your belt buckle.

Depending on what you decide to do, it’s her fault if the foods burned.

[eternalsa2z]

DM In Your DMs

You were introduced by your friend Nally. After plenty of teasing and toying and asking if you were sure you were ready to meet this model. Not just excited. Like busting out of your seat and bra ready.

You insisted that you were and the Instagram reveal didn't disappoint. She goes by the name 'Doll Mistress' and she is H - O - T HOT HOT HOT. She looked like a queen in her full glory, her gaze admiring her many worshipers as she gives them a brief glance at her perfection.

She def had a bit of a 'rich bitch' or 'ice queen' vibe, which normally doesn't match your sweet girly vibes. Even if her look still made you melt into a puddle. But that doesn't mean she can't rock a bit of a girl next door look. You know, if that girl was an heiress at the next mansion over in the gated community.

Still you couldn't help but be obsessed by this look. Her pony was clearly a fake extension and her faux fur boots were a bit much. But then again that fit her vibes, doesn't it? As if she was saying:

"I'm pretty. I'm plastic. I don't care who knows. Worship me"

Gawd what you wouldn't give to worship in front of Doll Mistress. You'd die if she slipped into your DMs. Or at least you died and went to heaven. Because one day, late in your timezone and early in hers, she sent you a message.

"Hello Kiki. I heard you were a pretty cute bimbo doll who's been having some stupid bullies say mean things. Why don't you let Doll Mistress take care of them...then we can go on a date"

You of course, through your bimbo babbling in sheer fangirling, manage to explain that while you love the support, you are a committed bimbo. Her next DM makes it clear that she's simply chuckling at your cuteness.

"Oh I know. I'm not looking for a relationship. Just a doll to play with"

True to her word, the homophobes and patriarchy pushers slowly disappear from your site. You also notice a corresponding uptick in extra girly, submissive bimbos talking up how pretty you are. It's great because you need the pep talk ahead of your first date...er, totally platonic meeting.

You spend forever picking out your outfit. You need to look perfect. Make a good impression for Mistress. You end up looking cute - but she shows up looking stunning, showing up to your date dressed in feminine finery. Making baby boy blue look as good as girly pink.

She has a beautiful floral adornment right around her throat. Perhaps it's a metaphor for her tight grasp on femininity. Or perhaps a future indication of how soon her ice queen grip will extend to a beautiful bimbo flower like yourself. You squeeze your legs together during the whole meal, imagining the second scenario.

She has you in her clutches from that day on. You're obsessed with her beautiful face and hair. Envious of her fashionable clothes. Above all else, in awe of her attitude and how she rocks her look to the fullest.

The next time you meet in person, your Doll Mistress casually drags a fur coat behind her, like the expensive treasured item is nothing to her.

God what you wouldn't give to be that coat…dragged around behind her…following in her footsteps. She's so incredible. You can't even say anything intelligent, just "OMG!" over and over again as she arrives. Her plush lips curl into a smile, a rare sighting worth more than her entire wardrobe.

"I'm glad you like my look, Kiki. You could be seeing a lot more of it. Come with me. Be my doll."

It's three months later. You and your wife have moved in with Doll Mistress. She spoils and pampers your wife, slowly turning her into a little plastic trophy, a mini-version of herself. You, on the other hand, are her pretty little doll. The one she brings everywhere, even stowing you away in a custom dollbox in her luggage when she travels on vacation. It's worth it to spend time with her and relax at the Bimbo Resort.

"Kiki? Mistress is out of her glass of BMBO. Won't you be a doll and scurry over to the cabana to get me a refill?"

"Yes Mistress! Of course Mistress! Anything you want!" you squeal excitedly, eager to be helpful.

"Good girl. If you return fast enough, I'll let you lotion up my back again" she purrs.

Quickly you bound away as fast as your high heels, wiggling butt, and jiggling bimbo titties will let you. Mistress has been so generous in turning you into her little bimbo pet. Serving her drinks is the least you can do for her!

Plus…the enticing thought of being allowed to touch her perfect plastic body…that's all the payment a doll like you needs. Just a bimbo doll serving her Doll Mistress.

[ineffablydelighted]

[How exploring the Ineffable Husbands' dynamic in Good Omens can help us figure out what the show/book is all about, Part 1/?]

Also called: This human has, apparently, too much time on her hands and will be trying to Effable the Ineffable for [...] hours.

Ah, Hello! 👋

I'm ineffably delighted to meet you all! 😇

Let's cut to the chase and bear with me as we try together to analyze further the subject of the day:

Aziraphale is in love with Crowley and I am pretty sure he is aware of that fact BUT 

[yes, there is a "but", do not erase me from the Book of Life just yet, let me explain first, homie 🥺] 

I do not believe he can comprehend WHY he is just yet, and what that would mean for him in terms of... well... EVERYTHING he ever stood for.

It will also be the perfect roots to answer the biggest question yet :

What is Good Omens all about, exactly?

[Yeah, it's a tough one. When I say "bear with me", I really insist on the fact that it will be LONG. I will try my best to make it fun to read and to allow some "natural breaks" but know that I would appreciate your unshared attention if you're willing to give it to me. 😇]

Although, would you have the chance to ask him about it (probably looking at a cup of tea as we would all do in Earthy fashion), Aziraphale would have somewhat of an answer to give you, probably in the range of:

"Because, deep down, Crowley is the nicest being I've ever known."

Is it false? No, Crowley IS nice. Swaggeringly nice, occasionally unhinged, but still. Nice.

And that is somewhat the core of the... "problem" for our soon-to-be Supreme Archangel [Yep, the pain is still fresh, thanks for asking, you're welcome for reminding you 😭👍] because, as much as Crowley learned nuances due to past experiences (Falling being, most likely, the most traumatic one,) Aziraphale remains bound to think in absolutes. And everything relates to THIS perfect meme right there:

[Whoever you are, person/entity who has done that, you have forever my utmost gratitude and respect]

I'm far from bringing anything new to the table here, but to Aziraphale, Crowley should NOT have fallen in the first place. Because of how nice he is. Crowley IS an angel, to him. In fact, I'll go even further by stating that, to Aziraphale,

Crowley is more of an Angel than ANY Angel in the "Main Office."

Let's present our other contestants, shall we?

When he ruled, Gabriel was an absolute a** and had an ego the size of, idk, at least A DOZEN GALAXIES. He made Aziraphale feel like... well... poop most of the time they interacted.

That is why, in S2 when Gabriel/Jim tells him "I love you", Aziraphale, even being and considering himself a "creature of love", happens to be utterly unable to either reciprocate or take the compliment. At this moment, later enhanced when he reminds himself of the Job case, he realizes he is able to feel, if not hatred, NOT love NOR admiration for somebody he should somewhat consider a role model.

That is very important for Aziraphale's present and future character development, especially considering Gabriel/Jim's own fate, so please keep that in mind.

Michael? Oh God, Same if not worse: too condescending and ambitious in the wrong way to inspire anything nice to anybody.

Sandalphon just does what they are told but can totally throw a punch if necessary.

Uriel is mostly cold, occasionally cruel, and can also be physically threatening.

[I love the actress, though. Gloria Obianyo deserves a Ph.D. in Resting Bitch Facing for her performance in Good Omens alone and I'm here for it.]

S2 Saraqael seems to be more layered but has also been hurtful to Aziraphale (especially when she ironized that he couldn't possibly be the 25-Lazarii-magnitude-miracle caster).

Overall, S1 Aziraphale refers to the "Main Office" Angels as "BAD ANGELS!" after their hostile encounter. We could see from his face he would have wanted to use harsher words but couldn't get past his forgiving, decent nature.

Before we talk any furfur-ther [Am I proud of this so-called pun? A-BSOLUTELEH 😎🤭], let's add a really important stone/layer to our favorite Angel's thinking: to him, it is simple maths:

GOOD = RIGHT, BAD = WRONG

And let's save it for later, shall we?

[Killgrave dear is just here to remind you you can take a break anytime to drink a glass of Talisker if you'd like, or, more so, if HE'd like. Also because that character is THE best David Tennant role on television - 10th Doctor being the worthy third, I let you guess which character is our second now - and I might have wanted to use this gif just to be able to say that, who knows? *whispers* Mysssteryyyy...]

Anyway.

To a being like Aziraphale, who mostly thinks in dichotomy, being an Angel requires one main requirement: being GOOD.

[Buy a farrrrrm and be good! Not just "pretendy" good but. properly. GOOD! - NO, I couldn't find the gif and YES, I'm mad about it, but since I'm also unable to make one myself, I'll just shut it.]

That is why he refers to the Main Office Archangels as simply being BAD.

At that moment, they had been mean to him, threatening, and, by doing so, they became somewhat active in Hell's Armageddon project. Making them "bad" angels, but, more so:

Bad at BEING Angels.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is, at heart, the penultimate goody-two-shoes: he does feel bad about himself whenever he does something bad/wrong such as lying (it has started to change, and I'll nuance that statement another time, but you get the grip).

He is constantly scared he might fall whenever he somewhat defies God's will or the idea he built in his head of what an Angel should be(have).

But have you paid attention to how his "Angelmates" NEVER seem to CARE about their own displays of, let's say "unconventional characteristics" for what should be the highest "Representatives of the sole concept of Good"?

Have you ever seen Gabriel or Michael being self-conscious about their narcissism and condescending tendencies? Uriel about their coldness? Saraqael about their sarcastic nature? Any of them about their use of violence? Of course not! They seem to be perfectly fine with it!

They own their characteristics, good AND bad.

Aziraphale does not.

Aziraphale is... soft. Even if he, at times, expresses regrets to be just that, he also applies it to his Angelic nature.

You know who else is soft?

Crowley.

Crowley is soft because he cannot kill children and takes it upon himself to LITERALLY DEFY BOTH GOD AND SATAN'S WILL TO SAVE SAID CHILDREN, including two annoying ones [especially the one who DARED to hit on Aziraphale but that is a topic for another day]

[MASSIVE Bildad the Shuhite fangirl here, consider yourselves warned.]

Crowley is soft because he cannot even kill GOATS.

Defying both God's and Satan's will to save kids? Yeah, eventually, okay.

Defying God's and Satan's will to save goats? Man, that's so effingly. more. powerful.

[Oh, look! A bird flying, normal thingy, nothing to see here, buh-bye!]

Crowley is soft because he proposes/"tempts" Aziraphale to "eat a spot of lunch", especially whenever his Angel experiences stress.

We have barely seen him eat, which might indicate he does not have such a strong taste for it personally. He only goes to the Ritz to enjoy Aziraphale's company and to watch him happily eat scrumptious, comforting foods.

[Okay, also because it morphed into a proper kink at some point but that is NOT today's subject, so stop trying to make me deviate from it! 😣]

Oh, and, before you bring that up, no, the alcohol motive is not relevant since he can, in all probability have a glass of Talisker in ANY sort of pub/restaurant in London.

[As a proper peated whisky lover who happens to be French, let me tell you this is NOT the case in my country and I'm super duper jealous of you, lads.]

Crowley is soft because he takes care of both Gabriel and Aziraphale's bookshop, even if it is clear he loathes the first and expressingly said he would not be a bookseller "even at gunpoint."

And, by "taking care of", know that I MEAN IT: he kept an eye on Jim, didn't wake him up when he heard him snore, answered any question he had, no matter how seemingly stupid they were [Even if Crowley, of all beings, cannot be anything but a raging "There is no stupid question, only stupid answers" representative] and offered him hot cocoa. As for the Booksho-P[uhhhhh *exhales in asthma*], he attempted to repair Jim's messy ordering twice and meticulously rearranged the place after ✨the Ball✨

[What do you mean, "he also Killgraved him into jumping out of the window?" HE ALSO STOPPED HIM FROM DOING SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. #NotBiasedInTheSlghtestIndividual]

Crowley is soft because he shares his Bentley with Aziraphale. Which is a VERY. BIG. DEAL. considering it was, at the time, HIS LAST ONE AND ONLY PRIZED POSSESSION.

[Should I mention that the Bentley FALLS IN LOVE with Aziraphale or is debating on whether or not that falls into the Oedipian complex territory off-topic? Yes, I'll see myself out.]

Crowley is soft because he rescues Aziraphale on countless occasions, even though, 99% of the time, that is pretty much unnecessary.

For real, guys: if Aziraphale had been discorporated in the course of his 6000+ years on Earth at any other given moment BUT on the eve of THE WAR with a capital "W", nobody in Heaven would have flinched.

[I do have a theory, though: maybe being re-incorporated takes quite a long time, which would have meant too many years apart from each other, hence the growing Damsel in Distress kink in Aziraphale, idk THAT IS NOT TODAY's SUBJECT, OKAY?!]

Also, Crowley is soft because "doing that makes him so happy".

Do you know who is supposedly "so happy" to save living things, aka GOD'S CREATIONS? Angels.

Crowley is soft because he rescues Aziraphale even when it is ACTUALLY ENDANGERING for both of them

He risked: his life, his pretty comfortable position "he carved out for himself", both his Earthy and Infernal homes sort of speak, AND EVEN HIS CAR to save his Angel's bottom/help him out in the direst situations (like stopping time to stop SATAN HIMSELF.)

[Also his past/present/future existence altogether, but the Bentley is more important, as I'm sure we'll all agree.]

[That is a Class A Protective/Helpful Husband, right there.]

Crowley is soft because he encourages Aziraphale to follow his passion for ✨prestidigitation✨

Even though he is pretty... amateurish at it. Not only does he encourage him, but he also HELPS him when he accepts to be his dashing assistant on stage.

[Yes, he does tell S1 Aziraphale to stop doing magic because he "has no idea how demeaning that is" but I'm pretty sure it was BECAUSE of S2 1941's events. Also, #WeStan1941Crowley here.]

Crowley is soft because he works pretty hard to make two humans he barely knows fall in love.

Yes, he also does it to cover his and Aziraphale's 25-Lazarii-magnitude-miracle lie BUT don't tell me his amazed expression when he thought he was about to witness Nina and Maggie actually falling for each other was not the purest, sincerest of all.

Finally, even if I could come up with more examples,

Crowley is soft because he saved Aziraphale's books JUST because he KNEW and CARED that Aziraphale CARED about said books.

That also, in Michael Sheen's very own opinion [as stated by Neil Gaiman in S1 GO DVD commentary], shared by many fans, and myself very much included, marks the moment

Aziraphale falls in love with Crowley.

[I DARE you to tell me THIS is NOT THE LOOK OF LOVE PERSONIFIED, go on, fight meh.]

So. WHY did it happen at that moment in particular? Well, because, first of all:

As a proper Jane Austen fan, Aziraphale is a slow burner.

Also, to him, an actual Angel, love is everywhere, so differentiating one love from another might be more difficult for somebody who can feel it whether or not it is even their own.

BUT [have you started getting used to my "but"s yet or should I harass you some more?] Let's go back in time to see how every previous encounter (that we know of) led to that pinnacle, shall we?

[Oh and, YES, this sort of essay will be long, and NO, I had no idea how much it would be when I started writing it, and still haven't, tbh 🤷‍♀️]

During part 2, we will also dive a little bit deeper into what Good Omens is all about.

[Yeah... I figured we would all need a break at this point.]

More on that later, then!

Hope I kept your interest at a reasonable peak. See you soon, Angels ❤

Need help to find the rest of this analysis? I've got you covered! Follow me, Angel 😇

Previous - Beginning (you're here) - Next

[miracleandplagueau]

So, here's a thing about Marinette.

She is a kind, rather cultured person, agrees to a lot of things, but also knows when to stand her ground and say no. The averagest of average protagonist models you can write with the exception of her obsessive personality trait. About Derision later, but she might possibly be one of the blandest characters I've seen in popular media

While watching Demon Slayer's finale yesterday, I realized something. Marinette is very much like Tanjiro. She can be both kind and badass when needed, be humble and be confident whenever the writers need her to be. Marinette is like Tanjiro -- written to be liked. She wasn't written to be unique or stand out from the crowd nor was she ever supposed to make a breakthrough in how to write a compelling protagonist to root for. She is a vessel. An empty vessel to watch in the background, because once you start analyzing her, it's over for your sanity

But why is she so hated then... She's so kind, so extremely helpful. A person everyone can get along with (famous people count too I suppose), but she also has her own frustrations like deal with brats who apparently targetted her as their victim for no apparent reason!! She has struggl-- It's nothing new. Look at it a little closer, go in depth and tell me that she has a consistent personality. She's more of a big pile of clay that the writers will model and shape according to their mood and how they want a certain storyline to end. Even Chat Noir has more consistent personality than her despite being neglected by both his own father and the writers. I guess more isn't always the merrier.

Is it actually hard to give YOUR PROTAGONIST a DAMN CONFLICT?! HER ONLY CONFLICT IS WHETHER SAYING "HI" TO ADRIEN WILL RUIN THEIR FUTURE TOGETHER. GIVE HER FLAWS GIVE HER CONSEQUENCES MAKE HER LEARN THE LESSON THE HARD WAY

Actually, I take it back. There is one conflict. Well, "conflict" or rather a turning moment for her is when she loses all miraculouses, which is followed by a nasty panic attack. That's it. That's all I could think of from the top of my head.

The only thing that really makes her stand out is her obssessive nature towards Adrien and we got some insight on why in the season 5 episode Derision and you know what I have to say about that? Fucking BULLSHIT. In a very short summary, Marinette crushed on Kim, but he humiliated her whilst working with Chloe. After that event, she decided she will only confess to someone when she knows them through and through. Putting aside the fact that we only then found out that Marinette had a friend that wasn't Alya, It's actually a total asspull in terms of Kim's behavior. Why would Marinette be friendly to Kim in Dark Cupid when he did something like THAT to her? Why is he potrayed as a funny, a little misguided himbo in the friend group - did nobody actually know about what's happened? I mean obviously they had to so why is everyone pretending like everything is fine? Why is SHE pretending everything is fine? Did she forget?! The answer is no, because Derision was not planned from the beginning. Thomas heard that his beloved protagonist isn't liked and went back to the drawing board to cook up some fake depth to her. Despite what I said, I'd actually love to see an episode like that, maybe Chloe IS the bitch we're lead to believe she is and I could've accepted it as a valid explanation to both Marinette behavior and her cruel, unchanging nature....

IF IT WAS IN SEASON ONE OR TWO

Putting a lore piece like that in the final season of the story is actually fucking ridiculous. Do you really expect me to care NOW?! When we're like 15 episodes from the FINALE OF THE SHOW? Na-ah, absolutely fucking not

Everytime I see a post praising Derision for how well written it is my stomach does a fucking cartwheel this is not an exaggeration

Marinette is like Zoe except Marinette is actually an asshole sometimes. It would be good If she was! I want to see an asshole protagonist where I'll have to see them change before I start rooting for them, but Marinette is neither changing, evolving or facing consequences. Using a miraculous for her personal gain and lashing out as Ladybug on Lila? it was a good fucking moment. I found it uncomfortable and embarassing to watch AND THAT'S A GOOD THING. IT HAD LONG LASTING CONSEQUENCES in form of Lila being a menance in return. Then again, I can't exactly praise Lila because she's equally as stupid- sorry, everyone's brains and common sense seem to evaporate when they're in Lila's closest proximity, but that's where they're similar. Everyone seems to lose their awareness when Marinette does her puppy eyes to break into a house too.

She is genuinely getting harder to watch and don't even get me started on season 5 because I've seen the leaks alright

[thorniest-rose]

okay i know we love borderline feral and mean gross eddie, but i can’t stop thinking about another relationship dynamic

eddie as Just Some Guy that’s dating stephanie, the meanest bitch anyone has ever met. she cares about one single man and it’s eddie and he’s her little meow meow.

all her little girlfriends are convinced she’s dating some hotshot swimsuit model or something when she starts talking about this new guy she’s fucking, only for them to meet mr scruffy raccoon man himself. and not only is steph fucking him, but she’s got moon eyes for him too!! she’s not even yelling at him for touching her hair!!!

her friends think the dick can’t possibly be /that/ good, but it is. it’s good enough that stephanie destroys some guys confidence and any feelings of self worth because he tripped eddie in the hallway once. she’s so mean, she’s such a bitch, but eddie loves her sm

oh my god this is SO funny!!!! I love this so much dhdhdhs like I just love the idea of beautiful homecoming queen and head cheerleader Stephanie dating Eddie Munson, who's a total loser and who plays D&D with all his nerd friends, and everyone's just like WHY???? But Stephanie adores him and asks him to meet her after class and walk her to her locker, and in the cafeteria they sit together and have lunch, and then after school she asks Eddie to drive her home. And Eddie's completely whipped and does everything she says. But if anyone messes with him, Stephanie is so ready to cut a bitch and if any jock or meathead tries to make fun of Eddie or beat him up, she throws the cruellest and most withering insults at them that their dicks practically fall off. And even when other girls quiz her about it, because they want to know why she isn't with some gorgeous hunk and why she's going steady with a weird, awkward nerd, Stephanie's just like "he makes me laugh". But it's more than that, because Eddie's her sweetheart and her goofball and she loves him. Like she was half a virgin when she met Eddie and now she isn't, and that shows just how intensely she feels about him. He belongs to her and she'll destroy anyone who touches him <3

[grimalkinmessor]

Do you have any headcanons about either of Kira's biggest fans, Misa and Mikami?

To be completely honest with you, I only originally came up with headcanons for Light, Near, Ryuk, Mello, and Beyond—BUT so far I've been good at coming up with shit on the fly so HERE WE GO! :D

✂️ -Misa and her parents were on vacation in France when her parents were killed, but because of them being tourists and Misa not speaking French very well, her witness testimony was heavily compromised. That's why the man who killed her parents was almost let go before Kira killed him. BUT, given that Misa was stuck in a different country with no parents, no translator, and no idea how to access her parents money, she couldn't get back to Japan afterwards, so she was stuck in France. That's where she was supposed to die—attacked by some random stalker in a foreign country—before Gelus saved her.

✂️ -Connected to the one above: Misa dyed her hair blonde because, while in France, someone approached her about becoming a model for their brand, and Misa, low on money at that point, said yes. This introduced Misa to the modelling industry, and she quickly discovers how fucking cutthroat it is. She finishes the first job but has the second snatched from her by an uppity French girl. Blonde hair and blue eyes are all the rage nowadays, you know? And sex is what sells, not generic prudish goth bitches, doesn't she know? Misa takes that to heart, dyes her hair, takes a pair of scissors to her wardrobe and comes back on scene looking like sex and death on legs. Needless to say, she steals her gig back fairly quickly. AND proceeds to rub it in that French bitch's face :) Fuck you Yves.

✂️ -After a guy dies right in front of her, Misa dives deeper into the occult. She already had a taste for witchy aesthetics, but she kept it to a minimum for her parent's sake. But when Kira comes to light and people start dying all around Misa, she decides that now is very much a time to buy all those voodoo and spell books that she always made herself walk past. She starts looking into Kira and trying to find him through tracking spells, but that doesn't work because she doesn't have anything concrete. She curses several of her modelling rivals just for fun, but she doesn't get into anything really nasty becauuuuse Rem shows up :3 With a murder notebook :3 And so Misa abruptly loses all interest in regular magic.

✂️ -Misa is bisexual, but she is so fucking repressed about it man, it's insane. She keeps telling herself that the burning feeling in her gut she feels every time she gets a glimpse of a fellow model's naked shoulder, her long neck, the curves of her legs, is rage. Obviously. This is begrudging jealousy brewing in her chest, maybe even hatred or competitiveness, definitely not attraction. Even though it may feel similar to the attraction she has for pretty men, it's totally not the same thing. Totally not. (Imagine the 'Starting Fights Because The Guy Girl is Hot And I Want Her On Me' meme and picture Misa starting shit with her fellow models).

✂️ -Misa is your stereotypical yandere. She and Light are similar in the way that they both are used to everyone falling in love with them, wanting to be with them, even trying to force themselves upon them, but neither of them are very used to rejection. But where Light has been taught by his father to take rejection (not humiliation, there's a difference) with grace, Misa has quite literally never been rejected before. You cannot reject her. She has learned to fight viciously for what she wants, and she can and will do anything to get whatever and/or whoever she decides that she wants. If that means killing someone, then she's laying out a tarp and selecting her sharpest knife. If that means locking you in her basement, she's putting tranqs in your tea and tying you up. Light's manipulation and lies are the only thing keeping him from being chained to the radiator in Misa's apartment. Though, being kidnapped by Misa and having her handfeed you in an alluring maid dress to try and Stockholm you into loving her doesn't sound so bad to me 👀 (Yes I'm a simp for hot villains leave me alone).

⚖️ -Mikami is canonically incredibly smart, but I picture him as less intrinsically smart and more as someone who worked extremely hard to get where they are. Mikami has very rigid societal views, and he's had them from a very young age, so it makes sense for him to have practically planned out his whole life in the way that he's always known exactly what he wanted to do. He was a very studious student, more so even than Light, because even Light made it a point to be social. Mikami's smarts are hard earned, but still incredibly impressive.

⚖️ -Mikami is known for going to the gym routinely and being strong (being jacked in a profession where you don't need to be jacked) but what you DON'T know is that Mikami took up body building so he could beat the absolute fuck out of people. In Mikami's backstory, we see him defend people from bullies repeatedly, even to the point where his other classmates abandoned him. I imagine getting beat up all the time doesn't feel good, so once Mikami realized that no one was gonna side with him anymore, he took up a rigorous exercise routine in his late teens. He even enrolled himself in a martial arts class to learn how to fight. Mikami got into ONE (1) more fight after that, and he fucked the other guy up so bad that no one else even wanted to get near him. If you're bullying someone in the hallway and Mikami Teru rolls up, you fucking sprint the other away.

⚖️ -After his mother died, Mikami was moved in with an estranged Uncle. The Uncle was fairly neglectful but Mikami enjoyed the freedom—it was certainly a better alternative to his mother always scolding him and punishing him for coming home with bruises and scrapes. Mikami was basically taking care of himself at fifteen and he liked it that way. He moved out at eighteen, and when his Uncle was arrested for drunk driving and tax evasion two years later, Mikami was the prosecutor that put him in prison. Not because he resented him, but because he was just another filthy criminal on trial.

⚖️ -Due to all the time he spends studying and living for the Grind™ (Jesus Christ someone knock this man out and take him on vacation) Mikami is a coffee fiend. He is feral for it. He has to brew his own coffee at home because the one time he got to the office and the coffee pot was empty he broke it. Maybe by accident, maybe on purpose; he doesn't really remember because the pre-coffee fog is fucking REAL. Mikami will fist fight you over coffee. But usually he doesn't have to because if someone gets to the pot before him he can just,,,,pick them up and move them (very gently) out of the way. However, every six months he has this whole health crisis where he goes on a coffee detox and becomes a tea drinker instead—like a werewolf but for tea. Teawolf 🍵—and he feels really good for a while... BUT then he eventually has to take another all nighter and the coffee demon Reawakens™.

⚖️ -Mikami has mild sociopathy. And I don't mean in the "Oh my God he's insane run!!!" type of way—I literally mean the actual disorder. Mikami has lowered emotional responses and empathy. It makes it really hard for him to connect with people, especially if they don't share a common interest, which means that even though Mikami is successful and fit and pretty—he has no friends. He occasionally goes out to bars whenever the loneliness gets to be too much, but he always leaves vaguely unsettled and frustrated because he just can't connect with people properly. He's had a few girlfriends before, but they all dumped him eventually because he puts his work first. (Of course, when you're Mikami's God boss this is the opposite of a problem ♥️). Given Japan's godawful stance on mental health, Mikami's never been diagnosed, and honestly he most likely wouldn't want to be, even to get help with it. It would hurt his reputation too badly.

[missnight0wl]

Let’s talk about Elton Elderberry – and why he’s a total bitch

First of all, I want to thank @thedoodlecat because a lot of the ideas I’ll discuss were formed during our conversations. So, credit where credit's due!

Secondly, I want to make it clear from the start that it’s not quite a theory, meaning: I personally don’t believe Jam City might take the story in this direction. However, I believe that a lot of it might be a leftover of what’s the story supposed to be. And yes, it can also be explained by the writers having no idea what they’re doing, but on the other hand, it ties in with many interesting details from the past, mostly from Y5. And I still believe that year was super important for the narrative.

Now, without further ado, let’s move on to Elton. Spoilers up to Y7Ch56.

Ok, so the first thing that really bothers me about Elton Elderberry is that he was well aware of the Crown of Mneme, how dangerous it can be, and he had to at least suspect that it might be in the Sunken Vault – and for all those years, he did absolutely fucking nothing.

And it’s quite problematic because there’s no way he just… didn’t know about MC and the Cursed Vaults. At the beginning of Y3, MC told us that pretty much everyone could learn about it from the Daily Prophet. And we know that the Ministry was especially aware of it. Even if we ignore Moody’s involvement starting from Y6, first with Rakepick and then with Peregrine, we also had the Ministry sending Tofty to spy on MC during our O.W.L.s because of the Cursed Vaults. And honestly, I just don’t buy the explanation that Elton somehow… just didn’t hear about it. So, like, what the hell?

Now, I can hear you saying: “Oh, but of course Elton didn’t do anything because he wasn’t a character yet and Jam City probably just created him now!”. And you know what? That’s a totally valid remark and quite probable explanation. Still, I kept thinking about it anyway, and I quickly noticed another problem with Elton: how we actually learnt that he was directly involved in Ryusaki’s death. I mean, look at those scenes:

And then after our visit to the Archives:

(I just have to point out that he’s fucking grinning here…)

… and then:

Do you see the problem here??

Imagine this. You meet Steve. Steve tells you about the mother who died in a car accident with her two children. Sadly, she was the one who caused the accident because she was under the influence. Later you learn on your own that the said mother was a model parent, always there for her children despite having two jobs, actually sober during the accident, rarely drunk at all, and in fact, it was Steve who caused the crash. When confronted, Steve admits to everything and says he feels terrible about it and it haunts him every day. Would you believe Steve that he’s so sorry? BECAUSE I DEFINITELY WOULDN’T. In fact, I’d do everything to stay away from Steve.

Now, again, I’m aware that it might be simply JC’s incompetence in making a connection between the Crown of Mneme and Dai Ryusaki – even though it could’ve been easily done without Elton actively portraying Ryusaki as a bad guy. For example:

Elton: I advise you to avoid the Crown at all costs. MC: I wonder if it has anything to do with the Dark Scroll… Elton: You don’t mean Dai Ryusaki’s Dark Scroll, do you? MC: That dark wizard? Yes, I do. Why? Do you know anything about it too? Elton: *not answering right away and looking very ashamed instead, showing already that he doesn’t want to reveal the truth because of his loyalty to the Ministry, but also showing his guilt*

And yes, I know it wouldn’t be the first time JC didn’t see the simplest solutions in their writing. But as I was thinking about it more, I realised that if we assume that Elton indeed knew about MC and the Cursed Vaults all that time and did nothing on purpose, it’s both surprising and fascinating how many things start to add up. In this scenario, Elton would also want to portray Ryusaki as a bad guy. I know it doesn’t fully work currently because, in the end, it was Elton who let us go to the Archives, but I guess it’s possible that originally, we were supposed to learn the truth about Ryusaki in some different way. And either way, I have to point out that there’s something very off in this part of the story no matter what. I mean, let me ask you one question:

Why exactly Dai Ryusaki was killed?

Because if you think about it, it was never really explained… properly. Like, we keep using words like “miscommunication” or “misunderstanding”.

But… how the fuck can you kill somebody because of misunderstanding? I guess we’re supposed to interpret it as: “The International Confederation of Wizards thought Dai wanted to use his invention to do bad things while he was actually trying to destroy his invention once he realised it’s dangerous”. However, this interpretation doesn’t really make sense. Why? Look at Ryusaki’s notes we found in the Archives.

Ryusaki seems absolutely certain that once he destroys what he was about to destroy, it’s done. He accepted that his work would be no more after that. And that makes me believe that nobody else (or almost nobody) knew about his work. Because otherwise, he’d have to realise that someone might try to replicate his work, right? Or even force him to simply repeat it? Yet he’s not worried about it. And the thing is that Ryusaki was a very intelligent, reasonable, and conscious man. So… how the hell the International Confederation of Wizards knew anything to misinterpret Ryusaki’s intentions?

Well, what if there was someone other than Ryusaki who knew about his work after all? But Dai completely trusted that person, so that’s why he was so sure the whole thing would remain secret? What if that person happened to work at the British Ministry of Magic? What if this person was…

Elton “The Bitch” Elderberry?

Ok, so I know that everything I said so far is a big assumption, but I swear it does make sense, so please, bear with me. And I’ll actually start by summarising what I believe how it all began and then I’ll elaborate on each element because it’s gonna be easier for me that way.

So, I believe that Dai Ryusaki and Elton Elderberry were once good friends. They were both quite talented wizards, and while they had different goals in life, they realised at some point that the treasure from the Cursed Vaults might help them achieve that. Together, they created a group that we know as R. Unfortunately for Elton, Dai realised eventually that both his own invention and the Cursed Vaults themselves are dangerous, so he decided to quit. Elton didn’t like it, and he was afraid that Dai would try to stop him as well, so he decided to be proactive about it. Using his position as a Hit Wizard at the Ministry, he sold Dai out, claiming he’s a dangerous dark wizard. Elton kept R alive ever since, and he was waiting for MC to be born because MC is necessary to open the final Cursed Vault.

Of course, I assume that the original plans for the final Cursed Vault were different than what we saw in Y6. Also, from that point, I’ll keep calling Elton “Brelton” because:

BITCH + R + ELTON = BRELTON

… and I just think this distinction might be useful because, as I said, I don’t think it might still be true, yet it seems that Elton Elderberry will stay in the story anyway. Ok, but let’s talk about some details.

Dai’s and Brelton’s goals

As for Dai’s goal, it’s pretty straightforward. It’s basically said directly in the game: he wanted to help people with traumatic memories. What would be Brelton’s goal then? Well, let me remind you one note from R we found in Y5:

The interesting thing about it is that for the longest time, it was the only case where it was mentioned that R had any interest in immortality. As soon as the Dark Scroll was introduced, we only talked about R wanting knowledge. I even talked with my friend about how weird it is that the writers totally abandoned the immortality aspect (Bee, I’m not tagging you because I don’t want you to feel obliged to read this long-ass post, but if you’re reading it anyway: Hi! I’m talking about you!). In fact, I’m pretty sure that the word “immortality” wasn’t even used in the main story after that note from R – until our conversation with Elton in Y7Ch49:

And you know what? I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. Because it’s not even true! Every time we talked about Ryusaki’s potion, it was about mind-enhancing potion.

So… what if it’s the leftover of the original plans for Elton’s character? What if it’s Brelton who was all about immortality? And now, JC just looked at the notes made by Matt London and his team and simply put the immortality potion in there without thinking if it made sense. I realise it feels like another stretch, but I have to point out that Elton’s old age is a little sus – and they stress all the time how old he is. I mean, wizards do live longer than Muggles, but most of them don’t live over 300 years. (There’s actually the HP wiki page about it.)

And the thing is that from the story point of view, it wasn’t even necessary to make Elton this old. Sure, it adds some flavour with the reveal that he was actually there when Dai was killed, but on the other hand, he mentions every now and then that his memory is not the best anymore etc. So, wouldn’t it be better if MC met Elton's son or grandson, for example? Personally, I think it would, and that’s why I’m gonna assume for the rest of this analysis that R was always about “enlightenment and immortality”, and that Dai Ryusaki represented the first element while Elton Elderberry the second one.

Why they needed the Cursed Vaults?

Ok, so now that we know what they wanted in general, let’s try to figure out why they went after the Cursed Vaults – and as I mentioned already, I assume that the original treasure was actually… well, a thing. I admit that I wasn’t able to figure out what exactly it could’ve been, but I have some ideas about what properties the Treasure could have, based on Dai’s and Brelton’s goals.

This time, let’s start with Brelton because it’s a bit easier. Basically, I believe that Brelton managed to invent something that grants semi-immortality, but it’s not the perfect invention. Sure, he’s still alive and his mind is not in the worst condition, but still. So, I think that he believes that the Treasure could improve his invention by granting actual immortality and/or eternal youth.

It’s a bit more complicated with Dai because we have to consider multiple elements. First of all, we have the mind-enhancing potion. The recipe for it was hidden on the Dark Scroll which was confirmed by the notes found by MC in the Archives. But earlier, MC also mentioned “a device”, and then they read: “I can’t bear to destroy my life’s work, but I know that I must. The scroll has already been hidden”. So… what exactly was he about to destroy? If we want to stick to the legend told by Corey, it might’ve been about the already-prepared potion. He might’ve also been referring to his research in general and his notes or something. But then we have the Crown of Mneme… And that’s quite interesting because we actually know that it’s something he found in Greece – which, by the way, confirms that the Crown was not something placed in the Cursed Vaults originally (I’ll return to it in a moment).

Either way, to simplify it a little bit, I’m gonna assume that Dai’s invention was about the Crown and the potion - and that together was considered his “device”. What about the Treasure then? I see a couple of options.

Perhaps the Treasure would give more control over the Crown or allow to exchange of thoughts both ways. I mean, what we saw in the game looked like the wearer could only send their thoughts, but if Dai wanted to treat patients with traumatic memories, he probably wanted to extract those memories.

Perhaps the Treasure could permanently remove/destroy traumatic memories. Because I don’t think you can actually do it with Obliviate, for example. I might be wrong, but I feel that there is always a small chance that the memory would come back or simply leave some mark behind it.

How the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault?

So… If Dai was so certain that his invention was gone and to be forgotten, and on top of that I claim that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the Cursed Vaults, then how the hell the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault? Well, I guess I won’t surprise anyone at this point by saying that it was Brelton who was behind it. And the best thing is that we actually know that R was in the Sunken Vault in the past – and that’s thanks to the note found in the Weird Sisters TLSQ:

So, this is what I propose. Brelton got the Crown of Mneme before Dai’s death somehow. I don’t think that Dai would just give it to him because I assume they already fell apart at that point. Or perhaps Brelton lied to Dai and offered that he’d destroy the Crown? Either way, he probably wasn’t planning to destroy it (as it might be useful for him), and he continued his search for the Cursed Vaults. Unfortunately for him, once he got to the Sunken Vault, he realised he couldn’t do anything without the key. And now, the key might be the Gillyweed/Coral Key Rakepick took from us in Y4, or maybe it’s about the siblings – or it’s both (like in my version of the story). Anyway, the Treasure was unachievable, so Brelton used this opportunity to hide the Crown of Mneme and just left.

Ryusaki and the creation of the Cabal

Ok, but why I assume that Dai Ryusaki even knew about the Cursed Vaults, to begin with? I just explained how it was probably Brelton who put the Crown in the Sunken Vault, and we don’t really have anything to prove that Dai needed the Treasure to improve his invention. Well, yeah. But we have something else. Something that I find very exciting. See, during our first trip to Knockturn Alley, we visited also Flourish and Blotts where we found a Black Quill containing this message:

And for the longest time, I was just… absolutely stumped by it. I couldn’t come up with any decent theory as to who left that note. But now, I do strongly believe that it was left by Dai Ryusaki. Brelton was too greedy to get his immortality and too afraid of his own mortality to leave the Cursed Vaults and refused to listen to his friend that it’s too dangerous. The note also talks about “them”, so maybe R had some more members at that point already (but only Dai and Elton knew everything). And you know what makes it even more fascinating? We found this Black Quill in the book by Maerwynn Montfort who’s a totally original author mentioned only in this specific scene in HPHM. Interestingly, Maerwynn is a feminine name that is of Welsh origin that means “joy”. And coincidently, Dai is a Welsh masculine given name (which means “beloved”), a hypocorism of Dafydd or David, as well as a masculine Japanese given name. Like…

Are you kidding me??

I mean, ok, sure. It might be just a coincidence. But you have to admit that it’s a pretty damn odd coincidence. Maybe Maerwynn was someone from Dai’s Welsh part of the family or just a friend whom he met there? Or maybe it’s just a pseudonym or something. But either way, it might be hinting at some (“Welsh”) connection. And that’s why they were exchanging secret information!

Still, that’s not even all I finally realised about the note. Because I also believe that it confirms that the Cabal from Jacob’s notebook is a different group than R – and I think that it was Dai Ryusaki who started that group.

Ok, so I explained the whole idea in this post. It’s one of my shorter analyses so I recommend checking it out. But to put it even shorter, my problem with the note from Y5Ch15 was always that Jacob was confused about why the Cabal wanted to kill him.

But R was very open about threatening Jacob and especially his family, so… it shouldn’t be surprising at all. He might’ve been confused if he was doing everything R told him to do – but then it doesn’t make sense that R would want to kill Jacob and MC. I mean, after Duncan’s death, they clearly told him to continue his search.

So, I always interpreted the Cabal as a separate group who wanted to protect the Cursed Vaults by killing the siblings because the siblings are necessary to get to the Treasure. And if we join it with the note from Flourish and Blotts, it totally adds up. Dai realised that the Cursed Vaults were dangerous and wanted to stop R. Brelton wouldn’t listen, so Dai wanted to destroy the vault portrait which, assumingly, would make it impossible to get to the Portrait Vault. On top of that, he started the group that was supposed to make sure that nobody would ever get hurt by the Vaults by killing the siblings (who can get the Treasure). It was about the creation of the Cabal this whole time!

Brelton as the true leader of R

In general, I have to say that Brelton being the true leader of R just makes more sense. In this scenario, it’d also mean that Peregrine is just… a current face of the organisation. A puppet. And yes, I keep saying that I don’t believe that Perry was always planned to be a part of the story, so why do I even mention him? Well, to be completely honest, I’m willing to accept that Perry was planned along with Dai and Brelton’s story – just not as MC’s father. Because it makes sense that Brelton would want to keep his position at the Ministry, and if so, he’d probably need someone to (occasionally) represent R. And that could be Peregrine. In fact, we saw some moments when the leader of R was treated weirdly ambiguous. The first case is our conversation with Rakepick in Azkaban. And yes, I know that we didn’t know about Peregrine then yet, so it kind of makes sense to leave it more ambiguous, but I want to point out a specific thing Rakepick said.

Honestly, I was always confused by it because “the one behind it all” sounds like someone who also created R, at least in my opinion. On the other hand, we had hints in the past that R is a rather older organisation. Not to mention that Perry claimed that he joined R, meaning that R was R before the current leader joined them. Of course, it is possible that Perry lies. It is also possible that the title of R is simply given to each leader. But… I don’t know. Rakepick’s words sound to me like she is talking about only one person. However, if that one person is actually Brelton, it makes sense that he’s both the current true leader and the one responsible for creating the organisation.

My other issue is with Olivia’s memories. Because Rakepick is very clearly talking to someone from R in those scenes, but for whatever reason we never learn who it was.

So, what if it was actually supposed to be Brelton? And speaking of that, ever since we learnt that Olivia was working at the Ministry, I thought it was pretty suspicious, and I fully expected that R was controlling that. And what a coincidence that Elton became Olivia’s mentor for all those years…

Hell, it’d even make more sense why Verucca is so damn worried about Perry being cursed by Ryusaki’s amulet. Because if Brellton indeed betrayed Dai, then it could mean that it’s Brelton who’s the real target of that whole revenge plan. The curse might be simply generalising it because, well, it’s just a spirit that’s basically the essence of Ryusaki’s anger. But if Verucca knows about everything as a high-ranking member of R, then yeah, she’d try to stop Perry from hurting their dear leader Brelton.

And… that’s it!

Once again, like I said, I do not expect the game to confirm any of the things I discussed above. But that being said, I feel very confident about pretty much everything I said. And even though it took me months to finally write it all down, I have to say that putting it together was really fun and exciting. Who knows, maybe it’s the last time I feel like that about HPHM theory, at least when it comes to relatively new content. But even if so, I’m kind of glad that I got some semi-closure to the things that were bothering me.

[lady-of-the-puddle]

Welcome Back

Today I will be rating Beck's

Potential Partners?

The question mark is because some of them were definitely his partners, others will not admit it, and some came to...circumstances preventing a declaration of their love...anyway.

1. Bodhi

Literally on screen for 30 seconds max

We all clocked that shit instantly

Never brought him up again (thx to retroactive backstory oops)

Beck was actually visibly sad about him tho to the point his boss/dad had to ask if he was ok

Absolute cute couple though

8/10 I knew him for five seconds and now I have to kill everyone in this room and then myself

2. Paige

Y'all already know. Everyone knows. The whole grid knows.

The sexual tension is palpable

Which brings me to some difficult questions about the nature of programs and what physical functions they may or may not have.

Ugh I'm a sucker for the rivals to lovers thing tho

12/10 top ten hottest bi power couple if they don't kill each other first

3. Tron

I went over this in my tron's exes list but I must reiterate cause reasons

Can you imagine meeting your hero, your icon, your savior and he's....a bit of a bitch??

But you learn and get to know him and he opens up to you and comes to trust you with his life UGH my heart

9/10 I rated this 7/10 before but I'm not scared anymore they're GOOD

4. Cyrus

Look, he gets in with his bffs and the first thing they say to Beck is "you didn't tell us you had a new bf!" (Totally NOT paraphrasing that).

The fucked up stalker/victim pairing is SUCH good tea

And then he tries to kill him later? Delicious.

7/10 this one's for the toxicity 😏

5. Lux (I had to look up her name)

okay this one loses points because they WANTED me to ship this when we already knew Paige existed

I don't like to be told what to do

I mean, it's ok Beck has two hands(more like eight at this point) I can work with it

loved her jaded perspective turning into hope before she was fridged for male pai- I mean derezzed for reasons relevant to the plot 👀 that was definitely neat

Consider: she is pretty though

4/10 they're both a ten but I'm a bitter bitch so sue me

6. Mara

tbh she's such a cutie and deserves way better than whatever incel shit Zed has going on

no wonder she's in love with Tron/the Renegade (I mean, same) I would beg a superhero to save me from him too

she and Beck have such a good dynamic

would be such a cute friends to lovers pair

can you imagine if she found out her bestie was the renegade she's been visibly/audibly thirsting after? Queen shit.

8/10 This one is actually the least toxic here

7. The rebellion leader whose name escapes me (it's Bartik)

so this guy appears in legacy as the rebel leader at Castor's before getting derezzed five minutes later (shocker there)

this one just kinda leaped into my brain when I binged the show directly after watching Legacy

can you imagine inspiring someone to change sides completely and then become the leader of the very fire you sparked long after you're probably gone? Endlessly romantic.

6/10 I have yet to have a really bad ship tbh

8. Pavel

I hate it, you hate it, we all hate it

But it's still pretty hot

8/10 bitch on bitch violence

9. Zed

Ahaha I hate it

he's way too comfortable with the evil bad guy shit happening around him.

honestly I have no idea why Beck is even friends with him

HOWEVER

jock/loser pairing

Beck CAN AND WILL fix him

3/10 I don't think we can save this one boys

BONUS ROUND:

10. Tesler

LMAO I just thought of this

Why do I love it tho

Something about the Darkseid omega beam hands that make me think weird thoughts

Now I wish I had put this on my tron list

1/10 or 9/10 depending on the day

I really do love that Beck is just the most specialest boy, he's the grid's next top model, he's batman, he's everything. Istg this is a harem anime in disguise and I ship him with everyone.

I can think of at least two programs off the top of my head that I didn't include because I forgot until now, so tell me about your rare pairs, etc. I was thinking about rating Clu's crushes that he handles in a completely normal way next but that might be too much. This is what happens when we have no new content for 10 years.

[anhed-nia]

I have been trying to figure out what to say about this movie since I saw it on the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival jury, and I keep running up against the embarrassing conclusion that it has been impossible for me not to take it personally. This happens occasionally, where something hits you so strongly right in your DNA that you can't even tell whether it's as good as you think it is; mercifully the quality of RED ROOMS is not in doubt, but it reminded me of my delusionally personal associations with the original SNOW WHITE. The Disney feature was one of the first movies I ever saw, and it seemed to communicate to me very directly about my options for living as a human female of the brunette variety: On one end of the spectrum there is the sickly virgin with her morbid beauty and her kinship with nature, and on the other end, the cannibalizing bitch goddess with her devious mind full of arcane knowledge (ok so the Wicked Queen is not actually dark-haired, but I assert that that cowl counts (and I want one)). As a little girl I thought, yes, this is a pretty good deal for me, either one of these assignments will do.

Pascal Plante's RED ROOMS offers a similar dichotomy, and it has proven very hard for me to avoid seeing its main characters as an Aspirational Self, and a disappointing Actual Self. Maybe RED ROOMS has a Magic Mirror quality, in fact maybe all films do, though they don't all speak so clearly and bluntly to every viewer.

Juliette Gariépy plays Kelly-Anne, a fashion model who is fixated on the high profile trial of Ludovic Chevalier (Maxwell McCabe-Lokos) who is accused of serial murder and traffic in the snuff films of his young female victims. Seated in a row of goth groupies, the expressionless Kelly-Anne is identified with their fascination with the case, and yet we have no idea what really motivates her. Implicitly, few people would have any idea what it is like to be Kelly-Anne; as her internet handle LadyOfShalott suggests, she lives alone in a luxury highrise with the computer as her only connection to the outside world. She emerges for fashion shoots marked by her dark, edgy brand, and to attend the Chevalier trial. Otherwise, her only regular human contact is with online poker competitors who are no match for her savant-like math expertise and apparent lack of feeling. She presents as a bit of a sociopath, which becomes worrisome as she uses her technological skills to stalk the bereaved mother of the only victim whose recorded murder has not yet surface. However, Kelly-Anne is ultimately unknowable, and not much like the other fangirls and -boys who appear day after day at the hearings. We find evidence of this in the arrival of Clementine (Laurie Babin).

In opposition to Kelly-Anne, Clementine is needy, ingratiating, and naively intrusive. The tiny girl is fueled by her fanatical belief that Chevalier is innocent, a conviction she assumes Kelly-Anne must share. In a moment of rare empathy, the model invites the urchin into her sanctuary and, after flirting with the notion of human friendship, she eventually reveals enough to totally shatter the young woman's illusions. Clementine is the perfect foil, providing us with a tool for interrogating Kelly-Anne's identity and motivation--and for me, she also provided a painful reminder of the difference between myself and what I claim to value. Kelly-Anne is like every William Gibson heroine I have ever attached myself to: beautiful and alien, yet more intelligent than beautiful, dangerously brilliant and purpose-driven, emotionally incompatible with normal people, voluntarily exiled to the fringes of society despite her social currency and financial power. It's hard to imagine what she does and does not feel, but perhaps her life is not so easy. Clementine doesn't see it, of course, finding Kelly-Anne's robotic perfection very amusing. Clementine is her opposite: pretty only in a childlike way, hopelessly unself-conscious, counterbalancing her ignorance with self-righteous fanaticism. I saw myself there, and while Clementine is appealing and sympathetic despite (or even because of) her foibles, it wasn't a great feeling. She is obsessed rather than focused, embroiled in adult matters she can't quite grasp, and incapable of understanding or engineering other people's perceptions of her. She and Kelly-Anne make a lovely odd couple, but true connection is not quite possible, and Clementine only ends up feeling embarrassed, and like she has something to apologize for.

Whatever filmmaker Pascal Plante's grander statements might be, about the cybernetic nature of modern life and the merchandising of other people's lives and deaths, laced through as they are with a peculiar Arthurian motif, I've had a hard time fully engaging with them only because of my own passionate investment in his characters and their perverse interpersonal dynamics. Maybe by October I will have matured enough to articulate a more robust argument about this in-any-case extremely great movie. In the meantime, I am haunted by the enviable unknowability of Kelly-Anne, and the tragic transparency of Clementine. For now I will just say that I love it when a male filmmaker seems to live out a fantasy through a female character. One of the reasons that I don't totally dis Rob Zombie is that I enjoy the way that he encourages personal identification with tough female protagonists represented by his wife Sheri Moon, genre heroines like Meg Foster and Karen Black, and in my personal favorite instance, young Taylor Scout Compton:

When I saw this grim, black-eyed portrait of Pascal Plante, with its stark resemblance to Kelly-Anne, I thought yes, this guy gets it, he wants to live through her just like the rest of us, even if her version of humanity is not ours.

PS Please enjoy Lord Alfred Tennyson's description of average Tumblr user the Lady of Shalott, depicted visually by John William Waterhouse:

[svechnikovvv]

not the same (2)

pairing: trevor zegras x model!fem!reader

warnings: profanity

summary: after your run in with trevor at the arena, he wants to apologize

a/n: part 1 is here

masterlist: here

“yes, i’m sure jackie. i’ve looked all over the store and they don’t have any quinoa.” i then run into someone on accident.

“shit, i’m sorry.” i look up and see trevor. my mood instantly sours and i walk in the other direction.

“y/n wait,” he calls out.

“who’s that?” jackie asks on the other end

“i’ll tell you when i get home.” and with that, i hang up the phone and try my best to walk faster and avoid trevor, but it’s no use. he catches up to me and we start to walk side-by-side.

“y/n, can you let me talk? or are we just going to keep walking in silence?”

“i thought we made it very clear that no more talking was needed.”

“please, just let me talk.”

“is that not what you’re doing?” he sighs and mumbles some stuff to himself.

“five minutes. that’s all i ask.”

“what, so you can insult me again? no thanks.” i make my way to the produce and grab a thing of strawberries, setting them in the shopping cart.

“im not going to insult you again. i just want a civil conversation.”

“we’re past civil, trevor. you made that clear.” i then make my way to self-checkout and he follows. i then hear someone gasp and i look in the direction of the sound and see a teenage girl. she walks over to me, her mom in tow and her mom has an apologetic smile on her face. i give them both a smile and the girl is jumping around excitedly.

“i literally love you, ohmygod. i cant believe you’re real.” i laugh

“well, believe it. because here i am, in the flesh.”

“can i just say, your segment on women empowerment was inspiring. you so totally deserved your spot as people magazine’s ‘people of the year.’” i place a hand over my heart

“thank you, that means a lot to me. do you want a picture?” she nods vigorously

“yes please.” she hands her phone to her mom and she snaps a picture of us together.

“what’s your name?” i ask her and her eyes widen

“isabella.”

“it was nice to meet you, isabella. i can’t wait to see your face on the cover of a magazine one day. never give up.” i wave bye to the girl and her mom and grab my groceries, walking to my car.

“does that happen everyday, or…?” oh right. trevor. i sigh and open the trunk of my car, setting the bags of groceries in there, then closing it. i turn to face trevor, crossing my arms and leaning against the car.

“why are you still following me trevor?”

“because, i need to apologize to you. i shouldn’t have said those things, okay? i just assumed-”

“and that’s the problem, right? everyone in society has it drilled into their heads that if you’re a model, you’re this conceited bitch who cares about nothing but the way you look. that you’re nothing but looks. i thought you of all people would understand that that’s not true, trevor. but then again, i don’t know why i habe such high-expectations for you.” i get up and put my shopping cart back, then unlocking my car.

“y/n, i’m sorry for leaving years ago. i know that it all stems down to that. you’re angry at me and you have every reason to be. i was a young, egotistical asshole who thought hockey was everything, that i didn’t realize i hurt the one person that meant the most to me. i thought that maybe if i just left without saying anything, it’d hurt less than if i were to say something. i realize now, though, that i was wrong. you didn’t deserve that. i should’ve given you a proper goodbye and maybe we’d still be friends at least.” i take a deep breath in and turn around.

“you’re right, trevor. it fucking hurt when you left without a reason. no goodbye, no text, not even a damn cheesy ass note. i thought for weeks on end that i did something to you. i continuously thought of what i could’ve done differently, things i could’ve said. you made me believe that it was my fault. so yeah, i didn’t deserve that.” i quickly wipe away the stray tears under my eyes.

“i want to fix everything, y/n. we can start back at introductions, whatever you want.” i shake my head

“i can’t do that, trevor. i’m going back to new york in a few days, so there’s no point.”

“y/n, please.” i shake my head

“i’m sorry.” i get in my car and drive away, my hands shaking like crazy. it felt really good to get all of those things off my chest. sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. some bridges just aren’t meant to be mended.

tags: @goldenbrokenheart @liquidflyer @woodruff-edwards @hockeyboysarehot @ajbird2010 @hughesx3 @hannahh01938 @theywantedplayer @k1ttyt3ar @fratboyzegras @jackhughesily @marauderzkinnie @babydollmarauders

a/n: I’M SORRY FOR THIS ONE BESTIES

[angelhairpastawithherbs]

been feeling like absolute complete shit today have a rant about it a big tw for self esteem issues and self harm

so first off we were supposed to go to somewhere and i was really excited but then something happened and we decided to just wait for today and see if we could make it or not and only about ten minutes before we would leave i find out i can't go, im on my period and my face is breaking out more than it has in years, im having season depression and my school workload is insane, i can't eat lunch like a normal person because of my school schedule and having to fit it in betweeon zooms and working, my sister is being a total bitch because she keeps knocking over my stuff in the shower and yelling at me about it then this time she threw all of my stuff in the sink after knocking it over and because i feel like shit and so tired i haven't put it back yet, i feel stupid and ugly because in math i said something that was slightly wrong and after the teacher gently explained why it was wrong, several other kids started talking about it and how wrong it was too which they've literally never done with anyone else and the entire time i was sitting there trying to zone out but couldn't because i had to pay attention for when we finally started talking about math again and not how wrong i was, my sister also wants me to go with her to an art show where i would be alone with her for several hours helping sell her stuff when she barely does anything for me, and she's already planning a wedding for when she gets out of college for her and her now boyfriend and she wants it to be on her anniversary or close to it, so it'll either be barely a day away from my birthday or on it, and i feel terrible because i have an objectively good life but everything keeps piling on top of each other and i want to scratch my legs and bite my hands because its so frustrating, i also applied for some modeling stuff and got no answer, which is a rejection, so i feel terrible about my body like im not pretty enough and it fucking sucks

we're in the middle of doing stuff to my room too so there's stuff everywhere and on the bed and im on the couch and havent had privacy in what feels like forever either so i cant cry or do anything anymore like i usually would

[artzychic27]

So in your Boyfriends Whenever AU, Bustier becomes a criminal in the future. Could we hear what her crime is and how the boys try and secretly take her down in the present?

Nathaniel: Hey, wanna check out that movie that’s coming out in a few months?

Marc: *Putting on chapstick* Ready when you are.

*They kiss and are teleported to an apocalyptic version of Paris with Akumas running everywhere, random fires are being started, and people like Andre Bourgeois, Bob Roth, Damocles, Audrey Bourgeois, and Thomas Astruc are in chains*

Nathaniel: What the hell is going on?!

Marc: I don't know!

Dark Cupid: HEY! I FOUND THEM! *The rest of the Akumatized Akuma Class surround them*

*Marc and Nathaniel hastily kiss and go back to the previous timeline*

Nathaniel: What the hell was that?!

Marc: How should I know?! Wh-why were they all Akumatized?! What did Shadow Moth do?!

Nathaniel: I don't know!... Dark Cupid sounded like he was hunting us down... Do you think Shadow Moth knows we're time travelers?

Marc: No... No, of course not... Maybe.

Nathaniel: That doesn't make me feel better!

Marc: Well, I'm scared!

Nathaniel: So am I! That happens like four months from now! Can we stop screaming?!

Marc: Okay!... So how do we prevent that future from happening?

Nathaniel: We just... We do nothing. Okay? If we just relax and go about our days like normal teenage time travelers, we will be fine. So... Be normal, all casual.

Marc: Yes, we're fine... You're still nervous, aren't you?

Nathaniel: I still am.

*The next day*

Mme. Bustier: Today, class, I was going to go over the new book we were going to read, but because Damocles is a fucking coward and gave into complaints from parents who were so butt-hurt about me teaching about a book with a queer couple!... We'll instead be studying the very controvercial Briar Rose.

Nathaniel: Okay, I get her anger, valid.

Mme. Bustier: And since the mayor cut funding to promote Bob Roth's lousy new music video for his clearly abused son, there will be no field trip for us this year, or new textbooks!

Nathaniel: Getting kinda fired up.

Mme. Bustier: Now if I can just rant about how much of a bastard bitch Audrey Bourgeois and Thomas Astruc are.

Nathaniel: Okay, she did something.

*After class, Marc and Nathaniel meet up in the courtyard*

Nathaniel: Hey, I gotta pause time for a sec. *Kisses Marc; time freezes around them* So, Mme. Bustier's kinda fired up. And don't get me wrong, I get where she's coming from, but some of the stuff she said... Has me worried.

Marc: Nath, you don't think-

Nathaniel: That she's the new Shadow Moth, is trying to oust corrupt people from the city, and she sent Akumas to capture us when we jumped so she can use our powers? Yes. I swear to God, if those two fucked up somehow.

Marc: Nath, our heroes are a stalker designer and an obviously malnourished model... Of course they fucked up! Should we just… You know? Take their Miraculous?

Nathaniel: Remember what I said! We do nothing! Nothing at all! If we take them, Shadow Moth may do some shit, then Mme. Bustier c-could get the Miraculous somehow, and we’re hunted down by our own classmates! It’s simple as that!

Marc: It’s really not. But if you’re right and Mme. Bustier is the next Shadow Moth, shouldn’t we try to stop her? I mean, we are here to ensure your class aren’t totally screwed over in the future.

Nathaniel: Well, what do you suggest?

Marc: … I have no clue. We are so fucked.

[attallahmusic]

Her Loss

A commentary on Drake and 21 Savage’s new album and how Drake went from being a hopeless romantic to just a hopeless loser.

This Friday Drake and 21 Savage released their collaborative album Her Loss which features 16 songs, 4 of them solely by Drake making it feel less like a collaboration and more like a Drake album with 21 Savage features. This project differs from Drake’s previous release of this year, Honestly, Nevermind in so far that it takes less inspiration from house and returns to the sound we usually correlate to Drake and 21 Savage as artists. This is completely and totally a rap-album. In this album Drake refers to multiple of his contemporaries, some by name such as the artist Bad Bunny, but also through words like bitch such as for Megan Thee Stallion. Drake has the following to say about Tina Snow on his song Circo Loco

This bitch lie about getting shots, but she still a stallion

This is in reference to Megan Thee Stallion getting shot in the foot, alledgedly by Tory Lanez who is awaiting trail for the 28th of this month.

And without knowing the verdict of the trial, this opens up to the question: why is Drake and so many men ready to call Megan a liar? As more attention have been brought onto assault, typically sexual assault, caused by men victimizing women in the last decade or so, we’ve also been audience to women being discredited, treated as untrustworthy, and deceitful. This view of women is deeprooted in our society and what Drake exemplifies is a systemic disbelief in women. Treating women as untrustworthy is a tool of our opression. It erases women’s voices, authority and power.

It’s the grease that makes the entire system go. Women’s erasure is an essential part of the deal powerful men have always made with the men they would have power over: let me have control over you, and in turn I will ensure you can control women.

Drake used to make music with Black women in mind, he made songs with the intend to empower and uplift women such as Fancy, Take Care and Madonna these are songs that celebrate independent women, who pursue their own education, have their own career goals and lifes. But in reality, this is not the woman Drake wants. After professing his love for Rihanna at a speech in 2016, he then made a song with her abuser Chris Brown, who mind you, almost killed her. Drake was also at the receiving end of a lot of controversy, when it was releaved that he was texting the then 14 year old Millie Bobby Brown about her love-life, a weird situation to be at more than twice her age. This is not the first time Drake has publically been romantically involved with a teenager as a video resurfaced of him kissing a 17 year old at one of his concerts, as well as him dating an 18 year old model, at the age of 31. Drake does not care about women, he cares about what they can do for him, but he does not see them as equal nor care for their independence as his previous songs would have you believe. In his actions he is clearly using the power imbalance between women and men, which is even more stark within the rap-community, to his advantage. By calling Megan a liar, he is aligning himself with a growing number of young men, incels and the likes, who band around a community of hatred for women. These are the followers of Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan. These are men who truly and deeply believe that women are deceitful, and that it is more likely that they are lying about assault than that the assault actually happened. All of this, he does while also saying the following on the song Spin Bout U on the new album.

Damn, just turned on the news and seen that men who never got pussy in school

Are makin' laws about what women can do 

I gotta protect ya

He is obviously trying to continue to pander to women, but the one we need protection from is him. By discrediting Megan Thee Stallion, who would have absolutely no reason to lie, Drake is upholding the patiarchy and why? It’s simple, it’s because he benefits from it.

Because the existing power structure is built on female subjugation, female credibility is inherently dangerous to it. Patriarchy is called that for a reason: men really do benefit from it. When we take seriously women’s experiences of sexual violence and humiliation, men will be forced to lose a kind of freedom they often don’t even know they enjoy: the freedom to use women’s bodies to shore up their egos, convince themselves they are powerful and in control, or whatever other uses they see fit.

Not only does Drake benefit from weakening women in his field of work, now that we see such strong talent and competition, he is protecting himself should his romantic-track record give any indications as to what he might do, as well as protecting his male counterparts in the industry. He is protecting himself not any women even if he does say, “I gotta protect ya” he does not even have the common decency to respect us.

Quotes throughout this article are from

Deadly Silence: what happens when we don’t believe women