#she's not a spoiled brat she's a girl with achievements who no one cares enough about

[adamworu]

Getting Shinji Ikari’s character is such a visceral punch because he’s an abuse victim who jumps hoops to make people happy. The act of practical back breaking is less about martyrdom aka Doing This for the Good of Man and more of not making the other person mad. Walking on eggshells or a game of emotional minesweeper? It comes at the cost of your happiness, but when you’re abused and your suitcase is mostly filled with others’ baggage, it’s hard to tell your happiness from others.

[imaginedreamwrite]

you’re so good with asks and I have an idea, if you could…

Silverfox!Lawyer!Andy Barber finds out Jake screwed up and got a girl pregnant. Andy takes care of the baby…but could you also include a twist? Something different?

Absolutely!

The door was closed, however it didn’t stop them from their loud and cantankerous arguing nor had the closed door made it impossible for you to hear it. You could hear everything they were saying, everything Jacob Barber was screaming about you in all your ‘disgusting laudation’, the undesirable traits that made you, as a human, good enough to screw but not good enough to stay with.

Even with your pregnancy, you were seen as undesirable in his eyes. You were human and he was…something else. It was fine for you to be screwed by the man-child after a less than stellar date but now that you were pregnant…

“Once again I have to clean up your messes.” The door opened, his father and mother stepping out of the office following him. “You’re a pathetic excuse-“

“Andy!” His mother with greying hair and deep brown eyes had seethed, glaring at his father with discontent. “You need to be so harsh!”

“Laurie,” Jacob’s father spat with disgust and deplorable anger, “you ruined our son. He’s a little brat who thinks he can fuck around with anyone he wants and get away with it.”

“Our son doesn’t want to be bound to some human-“ Laurie Barber had stopped talking, she snapped her mouth shut as she settled her eyes on you. Her brown eyes appeared aged and as if they had been turned to mud, her face had turned sour and any beauty she once had was faded.

His father, however, his age had turned him into a heightened sexual being. A beautiful creature who was not deterred by age, by the silver and gray hairs and the older age, he was made more beautiful.

“Stupid whore.” Jacob growled under his breath, taking a step forward that was ceased when Andy Barber’s arm shot out and he had grabbed Jacob by the back of the neck, shoving him into the wall.

“Watch your fucking tongue, boy. Mind who you’re talking to.” Andy cursed his own son, he displayed great power before he left him to and straightened his suit jacket.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. The little snipe isn’t worth it.” Andy addressed you with a turn of softness. “Come in to the office, we have some things to discuss.”

Andy had waited for you to walk toward him, and then he had slipped his hand upon the small of your back. He led you passed Jacob, glaring at his own son.

“Don’t worry, Jacob.” Andy growled. “I’ve taken the burden from you. Now you can return to your usual string of whores and gold-diggers.”

His hand was heavy upon your back, his scent was a mix of spice and natural woodsiness. He was tall and broad, thick and sturdy as he kept himself close to you. You could feel warmth radiating from beneath his fine suit jacket and his button down shirt.

“I should apologize for my son,” Andy had ushered you forward toward the chairs in front of the desk while he had closed the door, giving you an opportunity to study the placards hung on the wall.

He was a Harvard graduate, studying law and practicing with a reputable firm. He was a partner now and had great success, clearly becoming a very wealthy man with charm and charisma.

“Please sit,” Andy walked around the desk and came to sit on the other side, his hands folded on the surface, “my son is a real piece of work. My ex-wife, she spoiled him endlessly and he doesn’t have the self awareness to know when he needs to put his dick away.”

You rest you hand on your belly and avert your gaze, you focused back on the frames hanging up on the wall. You focused on the achievements he had garnered for himself, and then you look at the status framed.

Andy Barber was a creature, he was not entirely human like you. Creatures and beasts had different rules, different customs and ways of bonding.

“It was one night, I didn’t mean to start anything. I just…I thought he deserved to know.” You looked back at Andy, studying this beautiful man who was silvered and greyed but no less beautiful.

“You know,” Andy had reached to the right and picked up a few forms, setting them in front of himself, centred perfectly, “creatures like Jacob and myself…things are different and when he had…planted a seed, it had created a bond between you two.”

“Was I…am I..?”

“Don’t worry, sweet human.” Andy had smiled charmingly and soothingly before he cleared his throat. “You were meant to be bonded to my son however things have changed.”

“Things?” You wondered what he meant, your stomach flipping with anxiety. “I don’t-“

“My son lacks the capacity to care for anyone but himself. A bond created would have failed in every measure, he would not have cared for you or your child and you would suffer.” Andy had pushed himself to stand, his hands loosening his tie, the forms still sitting perfectly lined up.

“I however, cannot sit back and let this bond be squandered.” Your heart raced, your palms had begun sweating.

“Where my son has failed, I will not.” Andy stopped before you, he reached for your hand and squeezed. “The bond is unbreakable, but it can be transferred. I have taken the bond upon myself.”

“I-I don’t understand…” you found it impossible to breathe, nothing was making sense and your head was pounding. “What is-“

“For all intents and purposes, you are mine now. You are my responsibility and my partner, mates if you would. You will be recognized as my woman, my human woman, and your child…it is now my child.”

“Mr. Barber-“

“Andy, sweet girl.” His smile was still charming, despite his possessiveness. “You can call me Andy, Mrs. Barber.”

[momsopposed2theoccult]

It’s come to my attention that a good majority of people on this website have a really poor understanding of the conflict between Toph and Katara in “The Chase.” As somebody who loves both characters and their friendship, this irritates me. Without further ado, let’s unpack that in what is in theory supposed to be a meta but turned out more like a rant. 

“Katara was hostile towards Toph because the fact that she’s a gender non-conforming girl made Katara uncomfortable because Katara is obsessed with gender roles.”

Alright, so right off the bat this is just... completely idiotic and clearly fuelled by an agenda (and likely also a lot of projection). First of all, how is Katara of “I don’t want to heal, I want to fight!” fame “obsessed with gender roles?” There’s an entire episode in Book One dedicated to Katara refusing to conform to societal norms for women in the Northern Water Tribe! Katara routinely calls Sokka out on his misogynistic bullshit! (Mind you I adore Sokka but he could be a little twerp at times and Katara was 100% right to challenge him on it) Katara is the feminist icon of ATLA! The fact that people act like Katara is some sort of conservative tradwife who loves gender roles instead of the outspoken feminist and political activist she is makes me incredibly angry.

Second of all, Katara was extremely kind and welcoming towards Toph at first. She gently encouraged her to join in with the group as they all set up camp together as opposed to setting up her own private camp. It’s only when Toph refuses to comply with her that Katara begins to get irritated. Mind you, Toph has her reasons for this, something I’ll get to in a minute, but from Katara’s perspective (key word here is perspective) she’s just being an annoying little stubborn, selfish, lazy, anti-social, entitled brat. Of course we the audience find out later that this isn’t the case at all (or at least in theory we should find out later but apparently some people on here skipped that part), but for all her many talents Katara is not a mind reader and has no way of knowing what’s going on inside Toph’s head, nor does she know her well enough yet to fully grasp the context behind why Toph acts the way she does. Katara is somebody who greatly values community and believes in teamwork, so Toph turning down her warm welcome in favour of “carrying her own weight” likely felt like a slap in the face. Not to mention that she’s already emotionally exhausted from having to constantly mother Aang and Sokka. If I were Katara, I likely would have reacted the same way. 

Oh and I agree that the “the stars look beautiful tonight, too bad you can’t see them, Toph” comment was out of line, but it doesn’t make her a horrible person. It makes her a 14 year old, and 14 year olds can be nasty, especially sleep deprived 14 year olds. Katara is otherwise a very kind and compassionate person. Other characters have said worse than that. Hell, Toph herself has said worse than that. That being said, it was a deeply hurtful comment and I do like to imagine that she apologized for it off-screen. 

“Toph is a lazy, entitled, and classist spoiled rich brat who just didn’t want to do chores and expected other people to wait on her.” 

This is another one that makes me roll my eyes and ask if they even watched the show. First of all, the presumption that Toph is a lazy or entitled person is just... laughable. I feel like people forget that Toph isn’t actually an earthbending prodigy in the way that Azula is a firebending prodigy (I could say more about Azula and how her belief that she was the unshakeable prodigal daughter ultimately caused her downfall and how by the end of the series Zuko is arguably a better firebender than her but this isn’t a meta about Azula and Zuko, now is it?). Nah. Toph was a sheltered kid who discovered she had the ability to earthbend, was told that she could never become great at it because she was blind, and in response said FUCK THAT and decided to work her ass off until she was not only great but the very greatest all thanks to her crazy, stupid, off-the-charts nerve, drive, grit, ambition, and desire to prove people wrong about her. Does that sound like a lazy person to you? Believe me when I say that you do not achieve that kind of skill level by sitting around on your ass and expecting to have things handed to you. And entitled? Don’t make me laugh. Toph hates having things handed to her, that’s one of her defining characteristics. 

As for the implication that she’s classist and enjoys basking in her family’s wealth and being waited on...... are you stupid? Did you even watch the show? Toph absolutely despises everything about her parents’ lifestyle. Growing up like that was traumatizing and restrictive for her. We’re talking about a girl who likes to play around in the mud for fuck’s sake. Toph does not care how much money you have. She never wanted any to begin with. She even says it herself; “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. They gave me everything I could have wanted. But they never gave me what I actually needed - their love.” Not to mention that she easily could have continued to freeload off her parents wealth but instead chose to sneak out of the house and make her own money doing what she did best; disproving people’s assumptions about her earthbending. Oh and I’ve seen someone point this out before but WWE is generally considered a “low brow” activity that “proper” people frown upon and shouldn’t associate themselves with. Toph fucking loved it. I don’t know how seriously people take the comics, as they often miss the mark when it comes to characterization (Toph’s, however, was generally pretty accurate), but there’s a part in The Rift where Sokka asks her when she’s going to start charging people to learn metalbending and she gets all serious and flat out tells him that she will never do such a thing, because money doesn’t matter to her. Sharing her one true passion with the world is what matters to her. Oh and the part where she basically tells a bunch of rich and sleazy businessmen to fuck off and “stop thinking about money and start thinking about people’s lives” is just... *chef’s kiss* Sorry my thoughts here are so incoherent but this take is so piss poor and makes me so angry that I don’t even know where to start. As for “Toph enjoys being waited on” I just- *sigh* Toph has such a visceral and defensive reaction to any implication that she is unable to take care of herself. Like I said earlier, that’s one of her defining characteristics as well as the reason for her behaviour in “The Chase.” Where are people getting these takes?

You wanna know why Toph acted the way she did in The Chase? Well, first let’s recap her life up to this point. Toph was born the blind daughter of one of the wealthiest families in the Earth Kingdom. From day one her parents treated her like glass due to her disability. She was not allowed to leave her house unsupervised, and even then she was only permitted to walk around the gardens of her home. Every day of her life she was pitied, gaslit, babied, ignored, emotionally neglected, and made to feel ashamed of herself. She was not allowed to make any decisions for herself. She was not allowed to do anything for herself. She was not allowed to talk to other children. She had no friends. Other people didn’t even know she existed on account that her parents kept her locked up in her own home and didn’t tell anybody about her because they were so ashamed to have a blind daughter. Flash forward to “The Chase.” Toph begins to set up her own camp separate from the rest of the Gaang. Considering that she flat out was not socialized as a child and hadn’t even interacted with anybody her own age prior to a few days ago, this is understandable. So then Katara comes up to her and asks her why she isn’t setting up camp with the others as if she’s somehow incapable of taking care of herself (again, this is just what happened from her perspective) like she’s her mom or something and it just angers her because she thought she joined this group to get away from all that and she doesn’t understand how friends work because she’s never had one, all she knows is that apparently this girl thinks she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, and that infuriates her because it’s the exact same bullshit she thought she was running away from.

There’s a lot more I could say about this but I’m sick of typing so yeah in conclusion both of these takes are piss poor and I’m sick of having to read them. Stan Toph, Katara, and their friendship. 

[rheingoldweg12a]

Headcanons - Hannelore something something Schöninger (Boerne) - Edition 

(But let’s face it: She’s definitely already divorced at least two husbands and probably outlived two more :D)

She’s a very proud woman and she’s proud to be a Boerne.

She’s got at least two middle names and they’re something ridiculous like Hedwig, Alma or Franka. 

She hates her middle names and her little brother has learned the hard way not to mention them. 

She has only Betty bc one child is more than enough. Since her little brother couldn’t be bothered to produce any offsprings, she had to do this too. And she’s done her duty...

Despite everything she likes being a mother even though she isn’t the warm and cuddling type.

She’s proud of her daughter even though she knows that Betty’s a spoiled brat. 

She admires and likes Alberich a lot but would never admit it. 

When she met Alberich for the first time she witnessed how the other woman beat Boerne first at table football and than verbally at his own game. That impressed and amused her.

She trusts Alberich and Thiel to keep her brother in check and look after him for her.

She doesn’t get her brother’s friendship/connection with Thiel but she’s learned to accepted it for what it is. 

Thiel puzzles her. She often finds him rude but also likes that he’s straightforward. 

She secretly adores Wilhelmine Klemm and laughs about the way she controls Thiel and her brother. She’s sure they could have been great friends. But they both don’t do friendships like that. So they’re just short-term allies against her brother sometimes. 

She also knows that Alberich or even Thiel could have been a good influence on her Betty. She’s still frustrated that her brother never made a move on either of them. But she never mentions that to her brother. They just don’t talk about sentiments.

She’s a daddy’s girl. Which fits bc Karl-Friedrich has a mommy complex. And she’s made her father very proud.

When Karl-Friedrich got his professorship she just wrote a card which said “About time”.

She loves her job and takes it very seriously. She enjoys it as much as tormenting her little brother on a regular basis.

She calls her brother at least once a month just to annoy him. 

She used to gang up on little Karl-Friedrich. Telling him since she’s the smart he has to work harder and earn his achievements.  

She also loves her brother bc she has to. It’s just genetics and biology. 

She worries about him constantly in her own way. But she doesn’t want to. It irritates her. That’s why she never visits him when he’s hospitalized. Also he never informs her anyway and she knows that he has his own family who takes care of him when he needs it. 

She is a much better female version of Mycroft Holmes.

She once threatened a boy in high school bc he insulted her brother and never told Karl-Friedrich. He was never bothered again after this.

When Karl-Friedrich was 5, he gifted her a self-made drawing of them both.The caption just said “Me and you.” She never thanked him for it and he thought she hated the it. They never exchanged meaningful presents after this again. But she still has the picture.

She’s a control freak. She’s always informed about everything especially if if it concerns her little brother. 

In contrast to him she’s learned to play the “family game” like a pro. But she despises it. 

She’s a beauty with a sharp mind. 

She loathed her former sister-in-law. 

She doesn’t smoke or drink. Her drug of choice is something else. She enjoys success and winning more.  

[alice-angel12x]

Jamil x reader

I was always second to Kalim in everything, simply caused I had to hand everything over to him. But there was one thing I didn't give up so easily. Y/n Akilah, from the Akilah family, a mostly well off family. A family with 4 daughters, and a few servants nothing too spectacular, unlike Kalim's family. 

But at first, I overlooked her. I thought she would be just some other empty-headed spoiled brat, but I was proven wrong after a few days. when she arrived the family was off on a trip, so the servant was there to keep her comfy until they came back. I was tasked to take care of Y/n.

Y/n was actually well-read and well informed, spending most of her time reading and bettering herself. And for the most part, was independent. A week before Kalim and his family returned, I overheard a conversation between her and her parents.

"You need to be careful when talking to Al-Asim, you may come off a bit... Braggart. Remember they are above us," her mother said.

"I hope you understand, we just don't want you offending them," The father added.

Y/n simply lowered her head and simply agreed. Later that night I served her dinner in her room as she tried to calm her anger.

"Are you alright," A young Jamil asked simply.

"I think so, I just don't understand why I must lower myself for this family," Y/n sighed.

"Don't worry most of us are lowering our heads for them and his son," Jamil sighed.

"I need to distract my self, do you play this game," Y/n asked.

"Ugh, no thanks, I played against Kalim so many times. I even had to purposely lose to him," Jamil groaned.

"Must b madding," Y/n frowned.

"It's so easy to beat him in that game too, so I'm sick of that game by now," Jamil groaned.

"Oh, it's fine I probably could beat you anyways. I mean Kalim is more carfree than a strategist after all," Y/n smirked playfully.

Looking back at that moment, she knew what she was doing and managed to hook me into playing that game with her. And somehow she would always beat me 2 to 1, even in card games with luck. She always manages to outfox me, and she saw me as a rival. Not some smart servant, but someone who shouldn't be underestimated. 

"I think this is enough for one night," Y/n smiled.

"NO! no more game?" Jamil demanded.

We would meet in our free time after that night to just talk, and play simple games to pass the time, we just wanted to spend time together. For the first time, I found something I didn't want to give up so easily. I wanted Y/n's hand in marriage. The  Akilah family isn't very strict about suitors, if a suitor were deemed worthy in a respectable capacity like wealth, strength, or how well educated a suitor maybe, they might be willing to hand over a daughter.

Soon she meets Kalim, and she seemed to get along with Kalim just fine. Though Kalim was a bit too carefree for her taste, she didn't have much of a grip against him. Still, I wasn't going to lose to that fool.

So the day I was picked up by the ebony carriage and to be delivered to Night Raven Collage, the Akilah head saw me as a potential candidate. This my chance to prove myself and be number one, so I loathed the day Kalim came To NRC and steal the spotlight once again.

And in the end, Kalim won and stole Y/n from me. And till this day I still have to serve him as I watch him marry the girl of my dreams, but fate had to be cruel as she passed away at the birth of her and Kalim's first and only son, Amir.

Amir was a lot like Y/n in many ways, he was smart and inquisitive. Along with bearing many of Y/n's features,  he had the same hair and eye as she did. Yet he was overshadowed by 20 of His half-siblings and step-siblings when Kalim remarried.

That Fool Kalim can't even remember his firstborn son's name and was more in tune with his other more carefree children. Amir studied hard and achieved more than those brates, he did all this to earn some approval and praise from that fool. 

And what he gets is a simple pat on the head and a 'good job' as he goes off and rides through town with his other children. Y/n should have been my bride, and Amir should have been my son. I would have given Amir the attention he so deserved. All I'll ever be is a fatherly figure in his eyes and not a father.

---------

Amir walked through the long halls of his father's home when suddenly he was shoved to the floor, followed by laughs of mockery. He turned to see Adnan and 3 of his siblings.

"Hello Adnan," Amir groaned as he stood up.

"So hows the book worm doing, you know the forgotten child," Adnan laughed.

"Fine, I'm off to show father that I #1 on a history test," Amir said proudly.

"you know father doesn't care about that stuff, as long as we're not failing everyone is doing great. Maybe that's why I'm dad's favorite, cause I'm not a smart ass like you," Adnan smirked, " Father's even considering me to be the one to inherit his wealth instead of you,"

"Not even the servant's really cared either, only that awful Jamil does," Said another sibling.

"Jamil only cares about you cause he was in love with your mother.," They laughed.

"ADNAN! That's enough!" A voice shouted.

"Shoot, it's that meanie Jamil! Run!" Adnan shouted as he and his siblings ran away.

"Amir are you injured, does anything hurt," Jamil asked in a worried tone, as he knelt down to Amir and looked him over. 

"I'm fine Jamil," Amir smiled softly.

"That's good," He sighed in relief as he hugged the boy," It's time to go to bed anyway." 

--------------

As Jamil tucked Amir in, he quickly should his perfect test result with a proud smile as he told hi that he paced number 1.

"You are amazing Amir, for your hard work all make your favorite meals tomorrow," Jamil smiled.

Amir smiled, but it soon faulted. Jamil asked what was wrong, and Amir explained everything Adnan said to him. Jamil's fist tightened in anger at Adnan's words, but he knew that there was truth in those words. Kalim was indeed giving his inheritance to Adnan, instead of Amir.

"You are a bright child, with your knowledge and skill, you can be something greater than Adnan. So don't worry about him," Jamil said as he tucked Amir in as Amir slowly fell asleep.

With a sad sigh, Jamil moved Amir's bangs aside and lightly kissed his forehead. Leaving his room Jamil walked down the cold halls of this great palace of a house when he saw a portrait of Y/n. Under it was a simple vase with flowers in her honor.

"I was fine with the men

Who would come into her life now and again

I was fine, 'cause I knew

That they didn't really matter until you,"

Jamil sang quietly as he thought back to when Kalim first meet Y/n.

"I was fine when you came

And we fought like it was all some silly game

Over her, who she'd choose

After all those years, I never thought I'd lose," 

Jamil sighed as memories of her and Kalim's wedding came to mind.

"It's over, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it over?

It's over, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it over?

You won and she chose you and she loved you and she's gone

It's over, isn't it?

Why can't I move on?"

Jamil continued as he walked over to the balcony, as he looked up into the night sky.

"War and glory, reinvention

, freedom, her attention

Out in daylight, my potential

Bold, precise, experimental

Who am I now in this world without her?

Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her

What does it matter? It's already done

Now I've got to be there for her son,"

 Jamil frowned sadly as he looked back towards Amir's room. The forgotten first-born son of Kalim.

"It's... over, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it over?

It's over, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it over?

You won and she chose you and she loved you and she's gone,"

Jamil shouted into the night.

"It's over, isn't it?

Why can't I move on?

It's over, isn't it?

Why can't I move on?"

Jamil asked himself, as he looked down at a photo.

A photo with him holding baby Amir at Y/n's funeral.

"I promise, I'll take care of him for you, Y/n," Jamil said quietly.

____

[searenbound]

As earlier promised, here’s the big list of big brother head canons. Real quick though, most of these have little bits of my personal ships in them except for Iida because when I wrote his I didn’t have anyone I really shipped him with and now it’s the exact opposite problem where I have to many Iida ships I love

Warnings: brief mention of child neglect

Todoroki

- Ok, so you know those parents that like to document everything their kid does because they’re just so proud?

- Yeah that’s how Todoroki is with his little sister

- Like I’m not even kidding, she’s the background picture on his phone

- He just loves her so much, ok

- He likes getting new things for her

- Toys, clothes, books

- Really whatever she might need or like

- Enji doesn’t care enough to get her even just some nice things

- So Todoroki might as well take matters into his own hands

- Whenever they go to visit Rei he lets her pick out flowers for her

- She always tries to get her favorites since she wants the visit to be extra special

- She loves it when Todoroki reads her bedtime stories

- She likes to compare him to the story book princes

- She’s really well-mannered and polite

- She calls all of Todoroki’s friends by their name followed by san

- except Midoriya she hasn’t explained why but she insists on calling him Izu-Niichan

- The first time she met Midoriya she stared at him for a good five minutes before he asked her about it

- “In the stories the prince always lives happily ever after with the princess but you and Shou-Niichan are both boys. Hmm… Shou-Niichan likes you a lot though, so it must be ok right?”

- Midoriya.Exe has stopped working

- “(Yn) I think it’s time we head home, it’s almost time for your nap” “Huh? But I’m not even tired yet!” “No arguing, or I won’t read you a story today” “That’s no fair!”

- They don’t talk about that incident

- A week after that though he read her a brand-new story about two princes

- She has definitely figured out why

- Because I’m sure you’re curious her hair is red at the roots and fades to white at the ends

- She once accidentally froze Enji’s legs together

- That’s when they learned she has an ice quirk

- All the Todoroki sibs were just like !!!!! our little sister did that???

- Todoroki was so proud

- He works carefully with her to make sure she can use her quirk to its fullest potential

- He won’t start helping her with hero training until she’s old enough to make that decision for herself though

- She accidentally called him Daddy once

- She doesn’t remember doing so though because she was already half asleep

- But Todoroki remembers it

- It was kinda bittersweet for him though

- On one hand he’s happy that he means that much to her

- On the other it makes him mad that he had to fill that role in her life because their father refused to

- Either way he’s determined to not let her suffer the same type of childhood he did

- She’d have a good life, he’d make sure of it

Midoriya

- Oh boy, he’s such a doting brother

- Midoriya sweetie, honey? She’s six, she can definitely walk around just fine on her own you don’t have to carry her around all the time

- He keeps a separate notebook so he can keep track of her hobbies and interest and do research on them

- See after being bullied for so long he’s really worried about her feeling isolated

- He was really relieved when her quirk manifested

- He’s glad that she won’t have to go through the same thing he did

- But my goodness did it surprise him

- She got their mom’s quirk but it’s a little stronger

- She was sleeping when she first used it

- Inko asked him to check on her and when he opened the door there were so many things just flying around her room

- He just kinda closed the door then slowly opened it again

- He then proceeded to lose it

- “M-MOM!? (YN) HAS A QUIRK!” “Izuku, you’re going to wake her up!”

- Inko is on the verge of cuteness induced heart attack every other day

- Like she’s gone into his room with fresh laundry and found them taking a nap together and she just melted

- She took pictures and if you ask nicely, she’ll show you

- He taught her how to read and write by letting her sit on his lap while he was taking notes

- He didn’t know she was learning from him until Inko started trying to teach her only to find that she already had a good grasp of it

- He’s actually pretty stern with her

- He doesn’t let her have her way all the time because that’s how you end up with a spoiled little girl

- He’s still really gentle with her, but he’ll put his foot down when needed

- “But Oniichan!” “I said no (Yn), you can’t have ice cream for breakfast. It’s not healthy for you ok? You can have some later today if you’re good” “Fine”

- Since she follows him around like a puppy, she’s picked up some of his habits

- She mumbles to herself a lot and has the same love for heroes

- If you ask her who her favorite hero is, she’ll undoubtedly say it’s Midoriya

- She loves his friends especially Uraraka because their quirks are so similar

- She was left alone with Todoroki for about fifteen minutes while the others got ice cream

- She rapid fire asks him about what he thinks of her brother

- “Do you like Oniichan? If you do, then are you going to tell him? When are you going to? How much do you like him? I think he likes you a lot, but I’m still his favorite ok? You can be with Oniichan as long as you don’t keep him all to yourself ok?”

- Once everyone comes back and Midoriya hands her the ice cream she tells him something along the lines of she approves

- He’s really confused until he asks how she behaved while he was gone

-“I think she gave me permission to marry you” “HUH?! I’m sorry Todoroki-kun that must’ve been uncomfortable for you” “I can’t say I’m all that bothered by it actually”

- He’s still not exactly sure what he meant by that

Kaminari

- He lives to make her laugh

- He sees it as a great achievement whenever he can get her laughing until she’s in tears

- They basically have langue of their own and yes that langue is memes

- No one ever know what they’re talking about

- But they look happy, so no one questions it

- He adores her and will find any excuse to brag about her

- They’re on some type of hive mind I swear to God

- Like they can look at each other from across a room and he just nods, and brings her a snack no questions asked

- He always brings exactly what she wanted to

- His friends thought maybe her quirk was telepathy or something but nope

- He calls it his big bro senses

- He calls her Pichu you can’t convince me otherwise

- Pichu is actually a great way to describe her

- She has the same quirk and even less control of it

- If she gets too worked up, she might zap you

- Kaminari forgets to tell his friends about her habit of shocking others so everyone in the Bakusquad has definitely been zapped

- “What the hell was that?!” “Oh yeah, she doses that sometimes”

- He’s actually a pretty responsible brother

- Whenever he goes somewhere with her, he makes sure to have everything she might need

- He always forgets to take everything out of his bag before going back to school though

- “Why do you have a doll in your bag?” “Huh, oh man that one’s (Yn)’s favorite she going to be so mad at me”

- She was, don’t get in between a girl and her favorite doll

- He’s learned how to style her hair in all sorts of ways

- He’s especially good at braiding her hair

- When she lets him, he’ll pick out her outfit

- Sometimes he picks a really nice outfit

- But most of the time it’s obvious she was dressed by him

- Like they aren’t ever bad outfits, but they’re interesting

- He takes her to parks a lot

- She likes exploring new places so he tries take her to different parks as much as he can

- One time a certain purple haired boy happened to be running in that park

- It couldn’t hurt to just talk to him really quick right?

- Wrong, he might have big bro senses, but she has little sis senses and she exclusively uses them to mess with him

- “Hey, Denki-Nii is this your friend?” “Yeah, this is Shinsou” “Oh! He’s that boy you like, right?”

Kirishima

- You ever seen a video of a golden retriever playing with a puppy retriever?

- Yeah thats them

- He’s just adores her so much

- She’s so spoiled oh my God

- He wants to be a good role model for her

- He’s heard that kids base their future relationships on the ones they make when they’re still young

- So, he wants her to know exactly how much she’s worth

- He’s not ashamed of playing dress up with her

- She wants to be a princess and it’s the manly thing to do

- If someone tries teasing him about it, he just kinda looks at them in pity and shakes his head

- “Why should I be ashamed of making my sister happy?”

- He paints her nails for her all the time

- One time she asked if she could paint his

- And that’s the story of the time he went to school with messily done red nails

- He gives her piggyback rides all the time

- Yes, he knows she can walk but this way is way more fun for both of them

- He gets really excited whenever she learns to do something on her own

- Then he gets a little pouty because she won’t need him anymore

- “You’re my best friend! I’m always going to need you!”

- Cue the water works

- Sero called her Minishima once

- It just kinda stuck

- She is now known as Minishima by all

- She picks fights with Bakugou a lot

- She’s on good terms with his other friends

- It’s literally just Bakugou that she picks fights with

- Kirishima thinks it’s hilarious so he provokes the situation

- He’s hanging out with Bakugou today? Better bring the kiddo

- She wants to have a tea party? What’s a party with just two people?

- “Hey! Don’t think that I’ll let you win just because Eiji-Niikun likes you!” “(Y-yn)!”

- It appears that there’s one drawback to his game

- her quirk is crystal manipulation

- Instead of hardening her skin she can crystallize things

- She has definitely used it to trip Bakugou before

- “What the hell brat!?” “He’ll never believe you”

- He did and scolded her about how that wasn’t a nice thing to do and made her apologize

Iida

- She looks up to him so much and he doesn’t really know how to handle it

- Like she looks at him like he’s just the coolest person ever

- And suddenly it’s clear to him why Tensei always tried to be someone he could look up to

- Of course, he got it before but it’s just different being the one someone looks up to

- All he wants is for her to be proud to call him her older brother

- He definitely picks out her outfits whenever he takes her somewhere

- She actually insists on it he doesn’t she’ll get pouty

- “(Yn), I you’re old enough to pick out your own clothes now” “But I want you to do it! I always like what you pick Tenya-Niikun!” “If you insist, I suppose I have no choice than”

- She loves riding around on his shoulders

- He knows he’s spoiling her a little too much, but he can’t help it

- He’s just completely wrapped around her little finger

- His friends think it’s really cute

- It’s not often you get to see him relax and let himself just be in the moment so it’s absolutely precious to watch them

- She loves playing pretend and has managed to get not only Iida but the whole dekusquad to join in her games

- Their all wrapped around her finger let’s be honest here, even Todoroki has a huge soft spot for her

- She has no idea she has so much power over them and thinks it’s normal to have five heroes in training ready to drop everything to play princess with her

- Her quirk is also engine but hers are on her heels

- She likes to have impromptu races with him

- He likes to let her win because its adorable to see her celebrate her victory

- He reads to her all the time as a result she well above the average reading level for her age

- Bedtime stories are a chapter or two form whatever classic he’s deemed age appropriate for her

Shinsou

- Nap time buddies, like just super snuggly all the time

- There’s legit a corner in his room that’s dedicated to being the comfiest nap spot for a five year old girl and her older brother one can imagine

- We’re talking fluffy blankets plush pillows a few stuffed animals and some story books in case she wants a story

- Ya know, the works

- It’s really cute honestly

- I can see him being a low key over protective

- Like he seems like cool chill older bro who doesn’t care as long as she’s having fun, but he’s so worried all the time

- He’s just like ‘you’re so tiny, literally everything could hurt you, but you walk around like you could kill God and that’s a problem’

- I know I’ve said literally everyone wrapped around their little sis’s fingers and he’s no different

- Proudest brother of them all

- Will take any opportunity to mention her

- Low key though, it’s way to embarrassing for him to casually gush about his younger sister

- “Who’s the kid on your phone?” “Oh, that’s my sister (Yn)” “I didn’t know you have a sister! She’s so cute!” “Ah thanks, she is pretty cute huh?”

- Ok so you know how some kids decide that when they get older they’re gonna marry the person their closest with because they think that’s what you have to do when you love someone?

- Yeah she thinks they’re gonna get married

- “When I grow up I’m gonna marry Nii-kun!” “No you’re not” “I am to!”

- She gets really jealous and huffy when he has to do something with out her even though he’s home and can hangout with her

- Like she understands when he has to leave for school but now he’s home! That should be her time!

- She’s definitely the 'you can’t date my big brother! He’s mine!’ type of little sister

- There was an incident when she met some of his school friends

- She looked Kaminari in the eyes and told him he’s not allowed to like her brother

- Shinsou has never scooped her up and excused himself so fast in his life

[prettyboylovemail]

[Hana + Juzo] As Long As We’re Alive

FINALLY! I finished this fic that I’ve been working on all week!

I recently rewatched the Danganronpa 3 anime and wanted to figure out how my S/I would fit into the new killing game! Including interactions with my favorite character from the anime cause I can’t help myself 👀

(Also, for a bit of context: This takes place following my S/I from DR 1 surviving the Hope’s Peak Killing Game!)

As such, this will include anime spoilers!! Keep that in mind!

I worked super hard on this, so I hope you guys enjoy!!

Also a big big thanks to @duncanlovemail​ for helping me do some final edits and tweaks!! ❤️

—

In a split second, her life flashed before her eyes.

There were some good memories, sure, but mostly bad ones — memories of the last killing game she’d been forced to play overshadowed her happiest moments. And now, laying on the floor, staring wide-eyed at the tip of a katana, she could only remember the moments where she’d been this close to death.

But this time, she didn’t think she’d get to make it out alive.

There was a brief rustling sound from somewhere nearby, but Hana barely noticed it. It sounded as if someone was walking by and she silently begged that it’d be an ally. But as the footsteps grew fainter, she realized that she didn’t have any real allies left, and that she was only going to be left for dead. 

The man behind the corner kept walking. He’d seen the fight, or rather, the one-sided attack, but he paid it no mind. With a scowl, he left Munakata to finish his work. Who cares how many insignificant people died? As long as he made it out alive, then Juzo would slaughter every other person here. If it meant that Kyousuke would be victorious, then he didn’t give a shit about the rest.

Then why?

Why did his chest tighten up at the sight? Why did he feel a twinge of guilt leaving her to die? It’s not like that girl was anyone special or important — just some rookie from another division — so why did he feel like a piece of shit as he turned his back on her?

“Dammit, Juzo, this isn’t like you,” the man muttered to himself through gritted teeth. “Get ahold of yourself and keep walkin’. It’s none of your business.” It wasn’t until the next thing he heard that he stopped in his tracks, listening.

“Please, I-I’m not on the side of despair! I d-don’t want to hurt anyone! Please, believe me!!”

The girl’s voice sounded desperate, like she was crying. Juzo swallowed thickly, trying to take another step, but feeling his entire body stiffen up. Her voice rang through his ears, echoing in the empty hallway, the sound piercing his chest like a knife. 

“PLEASE, DON’T KILL ME!”

The man’s fists balled up, squeezing every ounce of strength that he could muster.

Shit!

“Kyousuke!” Juzo’s voice boomed through the hall as he spun on his heel. He felt the weight of his entire body shift and slam to a stop in front of the scene. Munakata paused and glanced up at him with no change in his cold expression.

“What is it, Sakakura?”

“Don’t worry about that one!” Juzo stepped forward, placing himself between Munataka and the helpless girl, frozen on the ground. “Your target is Makoto Naegi, isn’t it? Why waste your time on a brat like her?”

“Why are you interrupting?” Munakata’s eyes narrowed sharply. “Have you fallen to despair, Sakakura?”

“Don’t be stupid, of course not. But you know as well as I do that it’d be useless to kill this girl. She’s just some random kid, she doesn’t have anything to do with your plan.”

“She’s a survivor along with Naegi and the others. She’s in cahoots with them and as such, must be eliminated.” The katana glistened as Munakata turned it towards him. “And I will kill anyone who gets in my way.”

Juzo sharply inhaled. Was it really worth it, saving this kid at the threat of being turned on himself? He sent a glare behind him, seeing the frantic eyes of the shaking girl beneath him. Her eyes begged for him to save her, but pleading normally didn’t work on him. He turned back to Munakata and grit his teeth.

“What the hell’s gotten into you, man? Do you realize who you’re pointing that blade at?” Juzo raised his voice slightly. “I’m on your side, but right now, we need to focus on the real objective!”

“This is the real objective!”

There was only a moment to react. Time seemed to slow as the blade was swung, but not at him. The katana grazed past Juzo and towards the ground. He felt his heart stop as he reached out and—

“AGH!!” Juzo grunted out loud as the pain of steel cutting through flesh surged through his hand. Blood poured from the wound and it took all his might not to flinch back. He turned towards Hana, cowering barely a foot below the blade, and yelled. “GO!”

She took a sharp breath and squirmed away from the line of attack, barely able to keep her balance as her legs pushed her backwards. “W-What are you doing?” she managed to ask with a feeble voice.

Juzo gripped onto the katana with his opposite hand, keeping it in place as to not cut further into his hand. “Don’t ask stupid questions! Get the fuck out of here!! NOW!” His voice blared through the halls, shaking Hana out of her daze. She stood as quickly as she could and ran, hastily turning the corner. 

“Sakakura! Why are you letting her escape?!” Munakata shouted. “You’re a traitor to the cause—”

“No! I’m not!! Just listen to me for once, god dammit!” Juzo pushed back against the sword, yanking his hand away from the blade and jumping out of range. “Naegi is still on the move right now! Once you get rid of him, you can exterminate the rest of these stupid brats, you hear me?” There was a pause. “I won’t get in your way again, but we’ve gotta track down that bastard Naegi first.”

Another pause as both men decided their next move. When Munakata backed down, Juzo did as well.

“You’re right.” Munakata sighed, lowering his sword and re-sheathing it.

Juzo let out a sigh as well. “Good. Now come on, let’s go search for the brat.”

“Alright…”

—

The two men walked down the empty hallways, searching, scanning every corner for an enemy. Neither of them said anything, and the atmosphere was only growing more tense with every passing minute.

“Kyousuke,” Juzo started, breaking the silence between them, “those wounds don’t look so hot. We should find you a first aid kit.” When he didn’t receive any response, he paused, before making an attempt to change the subject. “Hey, so—”

“What’s on your mind?” Munakata stopped

“Well, uh,” Juzo began, “Kimura’s been killed. Kizakura got poisoned, too. Oh, and Ando was stabbed by one of the survivor brats...” his voice trailed off. Munakata hadn’t reacted to a single thing he’d said and it was starting to throw him off. Did he care that their comrades were dying? Juzo glanced away. “I… just… thought you oughta know…”

“Tengan, as well.”

Juzo’s eyes widened, “No joke?”

Munakata’s voice was cold and unwavering. “I killed him myself.”

It took a moment to process what he’d said, but it was unmistakable. Kyousuke had murdered the chairman. Of course, Juzo was always on his side, but this… didn’t seem like him. And his best friend’s icy demeanor was really concerning him. He knew that Munakata was willing to do anything to achieve his goal, but this—

“Right, sure…” Juzo turned away, putting on a smile to hide his uncertainty as best he could. “Hey, that’s good! This is what we wanted, isn’t it? To purify the foundation.”

Munakata said nothing, just stared at his friend’s back as he continued.

“Heh. ‘Bout damn time. This baby’s in your hands now, chief. You’ve been promoted.” When he still received no response, Juzo continued further. “No one in their right mind is gonna contest it. The revolution’s over, and the spoils of war are all yours! I’ll help, of course. We’re gonna fix the Future Foundation! After that, the world.”

Finally, after a couple of moments, Munakata spoke. “The world, you say…” Juzo turned to face him. “Hey, Sakakura. We go back. You’ve been at my side for years in fact, since we were students.”

“Uh, yeah…?”

Munakata’s eyes closed. “We had our share of good times, the two of us, and Yukizome, of course. Eyes always on the future. Three friends intimately bound together by the same ideals.”

Juzo paused.

“Our mentors were supportive. Tengan always found the time to give me advice. I held firm that the world could change. That I could be the one to change it.” Munakata balled his fist, opening his eyes, but kept them focused down. “That conviction hasn’t left me. It’s as strong as ever…”

“Yeah, sure…” Juzo also looked away, “Hey, it’s strong in me too, ya know. Always has been.” He returned a determined gaze to his friend. “Backing you up’s been the whole point of my life. I take a lot of pride in throwin’ down for your ideals.”

“I know you do… And you’re right, my friend,” Munakata said with a heavy expression. “Without your unwavering support, I would’ve never made it this far.”

There were a couple moments of silence before Juzo spoke up again. “Look, I— There’s something I gotta get off my chest, okay?” His heart began to race. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous? Was it because he was finally going to say it? Finally going to tell Kyousuke how he’s always felt? Or… was it something else? Something more… disconcerting…? “To be totally honest with you—”

“Enough!”

And in a flash — before he could even react — a sharp, searing pain surged through his stomach as Munakata’s fiery blade pierced through his midsection. He coughed, blood erupting from his throat and filling his mouth with the revolting taste of iron before spilling from his lips. The smell of burning flesh filled the air in an instant.

What…?

“K-Kyousuke…”

Blood quickly spread from the wound and in the next second, Juzo’s feet gave way beneath him and he collapsed onto the cold ground. He lay there in agony as the severity of the situation hit him. He choked and gasped for a breath, craning his neck, struggling to look up at the man who’d betrayed him. “W-What the hell, man? Why… would you… do this?”

Munakata’s voice was just as cold and uncaring as it was before, and it sent a shiver down Juzo’s spine as he lay on the floor beneath him.

“You know why. You know exactly why.”

And with that, Munakata turned… and left. His words hung in the air over Juzo, who lay face down, cursing himself as he felt his senses begin to weaken. He didn’t bother to watch his friend leave him there. He couldn’t bear the sight.

Why did it come to this? 

Dammit!! Why?!

Then everything faded to black.

—

Hana staggered through the halls, dragging her injured ankle beneath her. It’s not that bad, she told herself, as long as she could keep moving. As long as she was still alive. Her thoughts drifted back to earlier, when Juzo had saved her life. It’d been almost two hours since then, and the next time limit was approaching soon. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stumbled.

Why was she so useless?

Even in the previous killing game, she couldn’t do anything to protect her friends. She couldn’t save those she cared about. She just had to stand by and watch as the ones precious to her died brutal deaths. 

That included him…

Hana stopped and pressed her back to the wall behind her as the tears she’d been trying so hard to hold in fell down her cheeks. Why did she have to think about him right now? The girl felt her knees weaken, and she slid down to the floor with a heavy breath. Here she sat again, completely powerless to stop the deaths happening around her, unable to do anything besides cry. She despised her weakness. 

It might be better if I just sit here… and wait for someone to come and kill me…

As if on cue, the sound of footsteps pulled her out of her thoughts. One? No, two people, she guessed. Were they enemies? Friends? Hana’s thoughts raced. Should she run? Stay put? What would she do if someone attacked her again? Was… it even worth fighting back?

It wasn’t until she heard the sound of familiar voices that she stopped.

“Kyousuke, those wounds don’t look so hot. We should find you a first aid kit.”

Juzo? And Munakata is with him?

Hana froze up in a cold sweat. Juzo had saved her once, but he was still loyal to Munakata. If they were still together now, then— Her hands began to shake. He wouldn’t spare her again.

The sound of footsteps stopped as the two men continued talking just around the corner. Hana wondered if she should run, but her body remained stagnant, completely paralyzed.

“Tengan, as well”

“No joke?”

“I killed him myself.”

Munakata had gotten to the chairman already? Then, there was nothing stopping Munakata from killing everyone else too. Had he already killed Makoto too? Hana kept listening, as silently as possible.

“Look, I— There’s something I gotta get off my chest, okay? To be totally honest with you—”

“Enough!”

The sound that came from around the corner was enough to make Hana’s blood run entirely cold. The sound of metal plunging through flesh. The sound of Juzo crying out in pain. A heavy thud. 

No way…

There’s no way…

“Why… would you… do this?”

“You know why. You know exactly why.”

Hana’s hands clasped over her mouth to keep herself from gasping. Her entire body shook and she felt dizzy. She knew that they weren’t aware of her presence, but hearing that felt… directed. If Juzo hadn’t stepped in to save her, if he’d just ignored her and left her to be killed, this wouldn’t have happened. 

Juzo is going to die because of me.

Just like before—

I can’t do anything.

This is my fault!

Footsteps faded as Munakata walked in the opposite direction. Once she was sure he was gone, she risked a glance around the corner and saw Juzo lying on the floor, unconscious and bleeding. Her legs moved on their own as she rushed to his side, frantically checking his wounds. Thankfully, the stomach wound had mostly cauterized due to Munakata’s blade, but he was still bleeding out slowly. Hana took off her jacket and tried tying it around his stomach in a hurry. “God, please,” she gasped. “Please don’t die.”

Once she’d finished securing her makeshift tourniquet as much as possible, Hana wrapped her arms around the man, attempting to pull him up just enough to move him, to no avail. She just wasn’t strong enough to lift him, and dragging him would only cause more damage. “Damn it…” the girl cursed, frantically searching the area. She didn’t want to leave him here, but there was no way she was going to be able to carry him to safety by herself. She had to get help or—

“I’m not going to let you die, I promise.”

Hana stood and ran down the hall, looking for anyone who would be willing to help. Maybe if she found Makoto. Or Koda— Izayoi should be with her, right? Juzo said that Ruruka had been killed, she could only guess that Koda’s the one who’d done it. If she found the two of them, they could help—

“Please. Please. Anybody.”

—

Hana’s eyes fluttered open slowly, a groggy dizziness overtaking her as her vision attempted to clear, and she scanned the area around her, disoriented from just having woken up. She glanced down at the bangle donning her wrist, still displaying the forbidden action she’d been cursed with, and let out a deep sigh. She’d made it through another time limit alive.

Thank God…

She filed through her memories, trying to remember everything before she’d dozed off. She’d found Juzo laying on the floor, bleeding, after his falling out with Munakata; that part was clear. But after that— Hana frowned— she couldn’t really remember much. She postulated that the time limit had stopped her from finding help, and she figured that if Juzo were still alive, that she wouldn’t know where to look for him. She could only hope that he’d survived.

The girl staggered to her feet, slightly swaying from a lack of balance, and stretched her arms into the air. “Alright,” she muttered to herself, “what to do now?” 

For a moment, she considered looking for an ally, someone who’d be willing to team up with her, but the thought was fleeting. With her forbidden action being as fragile and deadly as it was, Hana figured that it’d be best to stay alone for now, what with Munakata on the hunt. She counted the number of known victims in her head, trying to figure out who was left. 

Makoto, Kyoko, Hina, Koda, Izayoi, Munakata, Ryota, and, maybe, Juzo. 

Including herself, only nine people remained alive out of the starting seventeen. She grit her teeth. Too many people had died already. 

History was repeating itself.

Suddenly, there was a screeching sound, signalling the overhead speakers turning on. Hana glanced up, trying to find where the noise was coming from, before a voice came through. 

“Makoto Naegi.”

Munakata—!

“If you’re awake, I assume you’ve figured out what Kirigiri’s forbidden action was.”

She took a sharp breath and her body went rigid. Kyoko…? Her forbidden action? Hana’s eyes widened with shock. 

Is Kyoko dead?!

The voice on the speakers continued, but Hana was only half listening as she repelled the urge to throw up. The pit in her stomach only continued to grow as she heard Munakata call Makoto to confront him alone. He was planning to kill Makoto, she’d already known that; but now, with Kyoko dead, he would be falling right into Munakata’s trap, spurred on by emotion and his relentlessness to push forward. That’s just always how he is — how he was back then too — and Munakata would be anticipating that.

Hana rushed from the room she’d taken shelter in, scanning the halls for anyone else. If Munakata was able to use the loudspeakers, then he should be in the broadcasting room, so if she just avoided there, then she would be fine and she could get help to back up Makoto. It wasn’t much, but she had to try.

The walls around her were broken and beaten to hell, with blood splattered against the dark concrete and rubble scattered across the floor at every turn. The sight made her nauseous, but she had to keep moving. No matter what, she had to push forward too.

As she turned a corner, Hana bumped into something solid and lost her balance. Her ankle twinged with discomfort and she let out a pained groan as she fell backwards. “Agh… shit.” Noticing movement in her peripheral, her eyes darted up to see what, or rather who, she’d crashed into, and she was hit with a wave of relief.

“Damn it. Can’t get anywhere without runnin’ into one of you brats, huh.”

“Juzo!” Hana exclaimed, half from the reassurance to see him alive, and half out of worry that he was still loyal to Munakata. Although, she considered, after what happened between them, she couldn’t say for sure that he was still on Munakata’s side. “How are your injuries?” As the girl stood, her eyes drifted to his midsection; the tourniquet she’d wrapped around him was gone, but his wound wasn’t actively bleeding anymore. Juzo must’ve noticed the concerned look on her face, as he only scoffed in return.

“I’m fine. What’d’you care anyway?”

She made a dejected noise of acknowledgement and glanced away. “Sorry, is that a bad thing?” When he didn’t reply, Hana let out a soft exhale. “I saw what happened… between you and Munakata. I know it’s not really my place to intervene, but I couldn’t just… leave you there, ya know?”

Juzo sighed, a low growl escaping his throat, “So you saw all that.” He looked down at the ground, an expression on his face that was somewhere between anger and sadness. He clearly felt betrayed. Understandable, all things considered. “Fuck,” he cursed as he sat on a nearby slab of rubble, “this whole thing is such bullshit! How did it get this far?”

Hana stayed silent, watching the man in front of her. He was normally so aggressive and strong, but seeing his posture fall and his confidence crumble, it filled her heart with a nostalgic sadness. The same feeling that she had before, before that sickening execution, seeing someone so strong that she had nothing but admiration for collapse into weakness and despair. That feeling of helplessness as she couldn’t do anything but watch from the sidelines. It hurt to see the same thing happening yet again.

“I’m sorry…” Hana spoke gently as she sat beside him. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and keeping her gaze fixated on the floor. “...for what happened. If you hadn’t had to save me, he wouldn’t have—”

“Shut up.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t have to save you. Hell, I thought that I should’ve let you die back there.” Juzo spat out his words with no hesitation. “Even I wondered why I bothered to step in.” Hana didn’t say anything, and only kept her eyes on the ground. “But what’s done is done. And even if I didn’t come to save your sorry ass, Kyousuke already had it in his head to betray me. Leaving you there wouldn’t have prevented anything.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Hana mumbled. “You two were so close. Why would he have tried to kill you if he didn’t think you were on Makoto’s side?”

There was a pause.

“That’s the question, ain’t it…” Juzo sighed. “I gave everything to show him I wouldn’t hesitate to kill for his ideals. I really would’ve killed that bastard Naegi with my bare hands to prove that.” He slumped over, raising his wrist to clearly see the band hanging from it, “If it wasn’t for this damn thing, I could’ve done it by now.”

“But would killing Makoto really have put a stop to all this?” the girl questioned, sending a glance over her shoulder.

“Dunno. Don’t really care either, at this point.”

Another pause, this one longer than the last.

“Then, let’s end this game.”

“Huh?” Juzo scowled at the girl. “What do you mean by that?”

Hana’s eyes glinted with determination, “The attacker is still out there, right? That’s why there’s a new victim after every time limit. So if we can find and stop the attacker before the next time limit happens, then the game should end!”

“Forget it. If you wanna get yourself killed, then go right ahead, but I’m done.” The man’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t give a shit what happens to the rest of you.”

“But you want this game to end too, don’t you? Or would you rather just stay locked up in here forever?”

“Tch. Even if you think you could find the attacker, how would you be able to stop them? They only show themselves when everybody’s knocked out, so how do you plan to fight them?” He gestured down to Hana’s leg. “And with your busted up foot, I doubt you’d be able to handle yourself if push came to shove.”

That seemed to make the girl back down, as her shoulders slumped in realization. “Well. I don’t know yet. But I still want to try, ya know?” Her eyebrows knitted together. “If I don’t do anything, it’s only a matter of time before everyone is killed off one by one. I don’t want to let that happen again.”

Juzo groaned in frustration, “Right, I get it. You’re trying to play hero just like Naegi, aren’t ya. Cause of that other killing game, right?” Hana kept quiet. “Jeez, you brats are all the same, thinkin’ you can change things by stickin’ your necks out. So damn annoying.” 

He gave her another harsh glare. “So what if I entertain your little suicide mission, huh? How do I know you aren’t just pullin’ a fast one on me, trying to get me to lower my guard?”

“What?”

“Say, hypothetically, that you’re actually the attacker. What makes you think that I can just blindly trust anything you have to say?”

Hana paused and stared at his face before sighing and closing her eyes. She moved her wrist into view, showing off her bracelet, and the message that circled around it in big, red letters. 

SUSTAINING AN INJURY THAT DRAWS BLOOD

“I haven’t shown anybody this,” Hana said quietly. “I’ve been too worried that someone would use it against me, so I’ve been avoiding everyone else.” Her voice was soft, yet full of resolve. “Earlier… even if I could’ve somehow escaped from Munakata alive on my own, one tiny cut from his blade would’ve been enough to do me in. If you hadn’t come when you did, I would’ve absolutely died... one way or another. All it would take is the smallest drop of blood, and I would be dead.”

“So, what?”

“So that means that I’m willing to put my trust in you. Maybe that’s a dumb decision, but I don’t want to doubt people anymore! And if I don’t do anything, more people will just keep dying. If that means taking a few risks, then so be it.”

“Yeah yeah, I heard you the first time. But unless we can get these stupid bracelets off, we can’t do shit. You’ve gotta accept that.” Juzo paused. This girl, as annoying as she could be, was persistent to say the least — more stubborn than he would’ve given her credit for. It reminded him of before, back when Chisa was still alive. She was persistent and determined, just like that. She wasn’t the strongest person, far from it. She was emotional and irritatingly cheerful sometimes, and the look that Hana had on her face right now looked exactly like her. 

Juzo glared at the girl for a moment, studying her expression for any hint of ulterior motive. It wasn’t like he thought she had it in her to play mind games, but with everything that's happened up to now, he couldn’t underestimate anyone. Not again. 

“Tell me something. I’ve been wondering for a while. ”

“Hm?”

“Why do you keep following me around, anyways? You’re not gonna confess your love or something, are you?”

Hana was clearly caught off guard by the question, but found herself giggling in reply. She brought up her hands to dismiss the implication. “No, no way. Believe me, I don’t have any interest in you like that.” She gave him a smug look. “Plus, I don’t really think I’m your type—”

“Get on with it.”

The girl laughed, “Got it, sorry.” A moment passed and she gazed off somewhere down the hall, a forlorn look gracing her features. “Well, it’s just that…”

“...?”

“...You remind me of someone. That’s all.”

Juzo gave her a questioning look, but she paid it no mind. “So that’s it, huh.” He’d be lying if he said the sentiment wasn’t at least a little bit mutual, but he’d rather die before saying that out loud. “Well, I couldn’t give a damn about that.”

“I know.” With a soft chuckle, Hana kept her eyes down. “It’s kinda silly, isn’t it? To try and keep someone’s memory alive by projecting them onto someone else… it’s stupid to think that’ll help anything. But even so… it’s given me a little bit of courage.” Hana faced Juzo with a bright, albeit somewhat forced, smile. “So it can’t be all bad, right?”

“Tch…” The man clicked his tongue in annoyance. “If you say so.”

The sound of a distant rumbling caught both of their attention and they shot to attention. Juzo jumped to his feet, while Hana’s entire body straightened up.

“That has to be Munakata! He should be fighting Makoto right now,” Hana exclaimed. “We have to help!”

“I told you to forget it! You’re already hurt. You shouldn’t even be walking around so much, much less trying to fight,” Juzo snapped back at her.

“But if I don’t, then Makoto’s going to die!”

“So be it! If he decided to confront Munakata, that’s his own damn business! This isn’t your fight to meddle in!”

“I’m not going to sit back and let another one of my friends get killed!” Hana shouted, standing on her wobbly legs. “If you’re going to still side with Munakata after all of this, then fine, but I’m going to try to help my friends!” She only made it a few steps before a hand gripped her wrist and forcibly yanked her backwards. 

“Don’t be stupid! Just stay here and don’t get in the way, otherwise you’ll end up dying too, you hear me?!” Juzo yelled, squeezing the girl’s arm tight so she couldn’t break free. “If you’re so fucking concerned, then I’ll handle it.”

“What are you talking about?” Hana asked, wincing at the pain in her wrist. 

“You said it yourself! The tiniest cut would be enough to kill you, wouldn’t it? So just find somewhere to hide and stay put.” He released her arm and the girl pulled back to rub the spot he’d grabbed. At this point, Juzo didn’t even know what he planned on doing, but all he knew was that this stupid girl was going to get herself killed if she tried to fight Munakata again. Regardless of how he personally felt about the matter, he knew that her determination would be useless in this situation. “You’ve already done enough, so just stay outta sight and don’t die, got it?!”

Hana stepped back, a confused look on her face, but ultimately didn’t make any more attempts to oppose him. She exhaled softly and nodded. 

“Okay.”

And without a second thought, Juzo ran off into the darkness.

—

Shit… Why’d I let myself get roped into this…?

Juzo breathed heavily, grasping at his sleeve, soaked in blood, as he staggered through the dark halls. He figured it was almost time for the next time limit, although he couldn’t be sure of that anymore. Sweat beaded on his forehead as the throbbing pain surged through his left arm, and he risked a glance down to where the bangle had once been. With his hand now gone, he was free from risk of being poisoned, but the cost of passing out from the pain wasn’t far behind him. 

“D-Damn...it…” he muttered through strained breaths, “This is… all ‘cause of… that girl…”

He thought back to their earlier conversation. He had no initial plans to take what she’d said to heart, not like this, but seems that today was full of surprises, wasn’t it? All that shit he’d said before was just a means of shutting her up at the time, but after pondering it for a while, he realized what he had to do.

He’d set off to find Munakata and Naegi, to stop them from fighting, by however he deemed necessary. Whether that be by stopping Kyousuke again, or by killing the brat that started all of this, he would end this damn game. It wasn’t until the beeping of his wristband caught his attention, to signal that the time limit was fast approaching, that he remembered Hana’s plan. As reckless as it was, he knew that if one of them were to be able to pull it off, it would be him. That’s when the solution to get rid of the bracelet came to mind, and if it took a drastic measure, then that’s what he’d do. So he endured through the pain, biting the fabric of his jacket, grinding it between his teeth as he did what needed to be done.

But now, as he wandered the empty halls, with only the ominous glow of red from the monitors to guide his path, he wondered if he’d made the right decision. He had barely any strength left, why waste it on trying to fight off the attacker when he should be preserving it just to stay standing? Bullshit...

That’s when he heard it, the sound of screaming echoing in the darkness. Was somebody getting attacked? It almost sounded like—

Juzo took off in a sprint, dashing through the hallways. Anger surged through his body like electricity, but he skidded to a sudden stop at the sight before him.

Makoto Naegi, kneeled on the floor, a knife poised to his throat. 

In a split second, Juzo was at top speed again, his strides slamming into the ground with every step.

I don’t think so, you little bastard!

One swing was all it took to knock the knife from the boy’s hands. He paused in confusion, looking around for a second before Juzo gripped him by the arm and raised him to eye-level, slamming his elbow to Naegi’s throat. He writhed and flailed under the pressure of being choked, but Juzo didn’t waver. 

“You’re the man who defeated Junko Enoshima. If you think I’m going to let you kill yourself, then you’re dumber than you look!” he growled, pressing his arm further against the boy’s neck. “You hear me, you little punk?! Not now. Not ever!”

After a few more seconds of struggling, Juzo released Naegi, letting him fall to the floor in a heap as the boy coughed and gasped for air. He looked up at the man in confused distress. “H-How are you even—?!”

Juzo picked the knife from the floor, gripping the handle. “You wanna die so bad, then allow me.” He raised the blade, fully intending to strike and end this right then, but stopped himself mid-swing when Naegi recoiled. He looked pathetic, like a small animal cowering in fear of its predator. Juzo scoffed and dropped the knife, his feet collapsing beneath him as his strength started to waver. “Dammit…”

“How are you still awake?” Makoto asked, staring at Juzo intently. That’s when the boy noticed the crimson-soaked sleeve and gasped, “Y-You cut off your arm?” He looked at the man with concerned eyes. “Well, that’s one way, I guess.”

“Figured I could make the scene before it happened…” Juzo muttered, his energy depleting quickly, “I could meet whoever’s behind this god-forsaken game face-to-face. Take out the attacker and be done with it.” 

Naegi’s eyes widened when he realized Juzo’s intention, and paused. “There is no attacker. There never was.”

“...Huh?”

“It was suicide. The victims— They were all brainwashed into killing themselves by what they saw on the monitors.” Juzo followed Naegi’s gaze up to the glowing monitor. “When the time limit was up, we were all knocked unconscious. But whoever was closest to a monitor got woken up by a special signal from their bangles. Awake and alone, they were subjected to a video. After that…” his voice trailed off, leaving the implication as it stands.

Juzo slumped over, his expression darkening. “Who did this? What sicko piece of shit thinks this is entertaining?”

“That, I don’t know. At least not yet.” Naegi raised a hand to his chin in thought. “But they wouldn’t even need to be here for it to work.”

“What are you tellin’ me? They could’ve set this up? Controlled it remotely?”

“Probably.” Naegi straightened up, sending a determined smile over in the man’s direction. “On the bright side, at least we don’t have to suspect each other anymore.”

Juzo could only laugh at what he was hearing. Rage boiled through his veins, and it took everything in him to keep himself in check. “So what are we supposed to do now? It’s all a shell game. We’ve been manipulated from some unknown other place. Killing each other like a bunch of animals.

“Yukizome. Gozu. Kimura. Some video brainwashed them into taking their own lives? All the horrible things we’ve done to smoke out the killer and it’s been us?!” Juzo gripped the handle of the knife in his fist once again, shaking with anger. He slammed the blade against the concrete, breaking it in half. “Son of a bitch!”

There was a long pause as Juzo took a breath and collected himself. Everything he’d done — everything he’d tried to prove — it was all for nothing. This entire damn game has been nothing more than a way for some bastard in a far-off place to enjoy a good show while they all chased their tails like a pack of rabid dogs. Juzo stood again, turning and taking a few steps down the hall.

“What are you doing?”

Juzo gritted his teeth. These fucking brats and their million questions. What did it matter what he did now? Why was everyone so concerned about him and whatever he was doing?! “I have somewhere to be,” he forced out. Really, he didn’t know where he was going to go, or what he was going to do. Nothing mattered anymore.

“Let’s end this game.”

He paused, stopped dead in his tracks. What the hell? Did all these survivor kids have the same brain, or was it just coincidence that this brat said the exact same useless shit that she did? Whatever, he didn’t care. He didn’t have to listen.

But of course, that didn’t stop the words from coming. “If we destroy all the monitors, that should do it,” Makoto urged. 

“Heh.” Juzo sent a glance over his shoulder. “You got any idea how many of those things there are?”

“B-But—”

“Don’t let me stop you. Just don’t expect me to help either.” With those words, Juzo continued walking. That’s right. It didn’t concern him. He didn’t give a shit what the others did anymore. But still, that uncomfortable twinge of guilt in his chest tugged at him. The same one he felt when he saved that girl’s life. Juzo tried to force the feeling down, but it stayed, regardless, and his feet stopped yet again. He remained quiet for another second before breaking the silence. “True story… I wanted you to die. I’d have gladly done it myself.

“See, I’m not a man who can just forgive and forget. I hated you. No, from the moment you walked out of Hope’s Peak High School alive, I loathed you. Despised you,” Juzo growled. “So, I’m not gonna lie, when Munakata told you to kill yourself, I thought, ‘it’s about damn time’.”

“But why?” came the feeble voice of the kid he hated so much, “I don’t…”

“Because…” Juzo glared back at him. “You defeated Junko Enoshima.” 

When he saw the confused look on Naegi’s face, he continued. “Yeah, that’s right. Bitch played me like a fiddle. I knew she was up to something, and I kept my mouth shut.” The anger he’d been feeling surfaced even faster as he balled his fist. “I had one job and I botched it. So this is the result…” Juzo raised his mutilated arm and gave the boy a pained smirk. “It’s all on me. I couldn’t stop everyone dying... I couldn’t kill you for Munakata...

“And in the end...” Juzo’s eyes narrowed, his eyes stinging and his chest throbbing, “he threw me away. Like an old pair of boots.”

“He was wrong! It’s the game!” Naegi called after him. “The man was fooled into thinking you’d gone over to the enemy!”

Juzo kept walking, gripping his injured arm as he stepped into the darkness.

“Tch… No kidding…”

And this time, he didn’t turn back.

—

“Dammit…”

He didn’t think anything mattered anymore. He knew that whatever he did at this point would ultimately be useless. But… even so…

“If I don’t do anything, more people will just keep dying. If that means taking a few risks, then so be it.”

He kept walking. Kept moving. Through the pain and the dizziness, he kept pushing forward. Was this because of that that girl said? Or because of the brat? Or were these his own thoughts? Juzo didn’t know anymore. With every blood-stained step, his breathing staggered. Every motion felt like a hundred bricks weighed on his shoulders. But he had to keep moving. As long as he was alive, then he could fight.

Juzo pushed on, making his way towards the breaker room. His movements were slow and heavy, but determined to make it there. As he stepped through the Monokuma-printed door leading into the hidden room, he scoffed at himself, at the effort he was making. “Well, damn. Guess I’m a Despair now…” he let out a dry laugh that came out as more of a cough. “Wish I could find the humor in—”

He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before his foot gave way beneath him, causing him to stumble forward and crash into the wall. A cry of pain erupted from the man’s throat as he collapsed and slid down the wall, leaving a bloody trail behind him. And as Juzo lay crumpled on the ground, bleeding out from the wounds he’d sustained, he smiled. “This is what I get for letting Enoshima off the hook…” Everything in him wanted to give up, wanted to close his eyes and fall into the depths of darkness right then. 

But he couldn’t die yet. Not until he’d finished what he said he’d do. 

Not until this fucking game came to a bitter end.

With the last quarter of strength he could muster, he pushed himself onto his knees, draping his body against the breaker room door in order to force it open. He gazed down at the long line of switches. “Always been too much of a softie,” the man grinned to himself.

Juzo reached up, struggling to move through the crippling agony, and grabbed the first switch.

“...‘Least that’s what they’ll say about me.”

—

Hana sat alone with her knees pressed to her chest. It’d been too long, and the silence was starting to drive her crazy. What was everyone else doing right now? Was anyone else even alive? The thoughts that plagued her mind had continued to worry her, but she forced them down.

Everything’s fine. We’re going to make it out of here. All of us.

Then suddenly, everything went black. Hana jumped, startled by the sudden change, but relaxed slightly when the emergency lights came on. The room she’d hidden in was then illuminated a deep red, and the girl stood up to investigate. “Does this mean…?”

She peeked out into the hallway, not seeing anyone nearby. The girl stepped out and her foot swelled up in pain at the sudden movement, but she didn’t stop. Hana staggered along the wall, looking for anyone else to confirm what she’d thought. However, she didn’t have to wonder for much longer. With one final beep, the wristband that’d acted as her shackle for the entirety of the game snapped and fell to the ground. Hana touched her wrist, finally freed from the burden of death, and she let out an exasperated breath.

Is the game finally over?

It only took a couple minutes of walking to notice a few drops of blood on the ground. Her eyes followed the trail, seeing the drops become larger and more frequent as they moved down the hall. The dots began to connect in her head, but she shook them away, not wanting to assume the worst. She followed where they led and was brought to a room she hadn’t been to before. 

“A library?” she questioned aloud, seeing multiple bookshelves lining the walls, “Or maybe a study?” Her inquiries were cut short, however, at the sight of a body coming into view from behind the couch. Hana let out a gasp at the startling sight. Ruruka lay on the ground, a singular gash across her neck, a puddle of blood recently drained from the wound. Her eyes were wide; her expression twisted in shock and pain. She must’ve been caught off guard, Hana assumed.  A closer look revealed something glinting from inside the corpse’s mouth, what looked like a piece of blue candy on her tongue.

They did say she’d been stabbed, but did Koda really do this? She was never the type to murder someone in cold blood, even if it was someone she hated.

As brutal as the scene was, Hana gulped heavily and attempted to move past it as best as she could. Ruruka probably deserved it in all honesty, as horrible as that sounded, but that didn’t make seeing her dead body any easier to handle. Once she met up with Koda and Izayoi later, she could ask them about it, but she shook her head to rid herself of the image. Ending the game was the top priority. So she continued deeper into the room.

The trail of blood, now in large puddles, led into another area, a space behind one of the bookshelves that’d been pried open, it looked like. Hana glanced inside to find a hidden room, one a lot darker than the previous one. She stepped inside, following the trail further until she entered a final door. And when she peered inside, she froze. 

That’s…!

Slumped against the back of the room, one hand on the final switch, lay the familiar figure of Juzo. She rushed to his side to check for any signs of life. Considering the amount of blood he’d lost on the way here, it was unlikely that he was still alive, but—!

“Oh God…” Hana stared into his face, eyes closed and a peaceful smile gracing his lips.

She checked his mouth for breathing. Nothing.

“No, no, damn it.”

Checked his neck for a pulse. Nothing still.

“God, please…”

She pressed her ear to his chest to listen for a heartbeat, every movement more frantic and worried than the last. Tears stung her eyes.

I can’t be too late!

But then—

Bu-bump.

A heartbeat. Faint, but still barely there.

Bu-bump.

Another one, even fainter than the last.

He’s still alive—!

Hana stood, her body shaking and her breathing ragged, and dashed from the room as quickly as her legs could move. “I promised that I wouldn’t let you die, dammit! I can’t fail now!”

She ran and ran and ran, turning every corner at top speed, searching for anyone who could help. Anybody. That’s when she heard the faint sound of voices at the end of the hallway. She didn’t know who, but she didn’t care. “Help!! Anyone, please help!!” she shouted into the darkness, praying that someone would hear her and come to her aid. 

“Fujiwara?” a voice echoed back.

As she ran farther down the hall, multiple people came into view, and tears of relief spilled from her eyes. The figures of her friends, as well as a platoon of soldiers that’d presumably been ordered to search for survivors, relieved the immense weight on her shoulders. “Makoto! Byakuya!” 

Finally, finally. They were saved.

“There you are!” Makoto exclaimed. “We hadn’t heard from you all day, we thought you were dead!”

“Don’t worry about me right now! Juzo needs help!” Hana shouted with as much conviction as she could muster. “He’s in the breaker room! He doesn’t have much time left, but he’s still alive!” She turned to Byakuya and his squad of reinforcements, in tears. “Please, we have to save him!”

Byakuya paused for a moment, taking in the information, before barking an order to his crew. “Three of you, follow Fujiwara to the breaker room and ensure Sakakura’s safety! The rest of you will follow Munakata and Naegi to stop Mitarai! Now! Go!”

“Yes, sir!”

—

The sun peered through the blinds into the hospital room, shining more light on the already blindingly white room. Juzo stirred a bit, then begrudgingly opened his eyes with a strain. He attempted to sit up, but the overwhelming pain caused him to fall backwards onto the bed.

“I wouldn’t attempt to move for a while. You won’t be fully healed for quite some time.”

“E...Eh?” Juzo struggled to see who was speaking to him, and squinted to see blonde hair and the shine of glasses being pushed up the bridge of the man’s nose. “Y-You’re… that rich kid… from the Hope’s Peak survivors…” he forced.

“Byakuya Togami, Future Foundation: 14th Division,” he scoffed, crossing his arms hastily over his chest. “I’d be offended that you don’t remember who I am, but I’ll give you a pass due to your injuries.”

“What are...you doing here? Why am I… still alive?”

Byakuya sighed, “Well, to answer the first question, it’s been about 4 hours since the killing game ended. I’m only passing through on official business to check in on the status of the remaining survivors. Naegi and the other members are also here on business as well, albeit in separate rooms.”

“Tch…”

“And as for the latter,” Byakuya continued, sending a glance over his shoulder, “this one practically begged me to save your life.”

Juzo followed the blonde’s eyes to see a sleeping girl sitting hunched over in a chair in the corner of the room. The man clicked his tongue and pressed his head back into the pillow. 

“She’s the one who found you, barely breathing, and ran all the way to come find someone and led my squad back to your location. Once my team brought you into custody, we rushed you to the medical tent. It’s a miracle that you survived, honestly.” Byakuya sent a sharp glare in Juzo’s direction. “The fact that you’re still alive is extremely lucky. I’d be sure to give her your thanks when given the opportunity.”

“Yeah, yeah. I hear ya,” Juzo sighed, but ultimately didn’t say anything else. 

“Well, now that you’re awake and are showing no signs of falling into comatose.” Byakuya stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It seems my work here is finished.” The man turned towards the door, taking a couple strides before stopping. “We’ll have to hold another meeting again soon to discuss the plans of the Future Foundation, but I would rest while you can. We’ll take care of everything for now.” And with that, Byakuya left. 

Juzo’d only been half listening, honestly, but he got the general gist. Still, he closed his eyes, processing everything he’d heard. The killing game was over, and he’d actually survived it. He had fully expected to die at the time, and had accepted that fact, but he made it out alive, thanks to her. He mentally laughed at himself. It was always thanks to her, wasn’t it? The only reason he was even able to end the game in the first place was because of her saving his life after being stabbed. And it was because of what she said that he kept fighting to the end.

I’m so damn pathetic, aren’t I? When did I get this soft…?

Then he drifted back to sleep.

—

Time will always pass. No matter the hardships, the tears, and the pain, life will always go on. Maybe the memories wouldn’t fade right away, not for days or weeks, even months or years, but with every passing day comes a new opportunity to make the best of your situation. 

Bad memories may linger, but life moves forward.

Hana stepped into the sun, a gentle breeze blowing wisps of her hair into her face. It’d been a week since then, and things have been getting back to normal as quickly as possible. The Future Foundation was still working on rebuilding their headquarters, as well as it’s credibility with the public, and they were still trying to figure out what to do with its remaining members. But despite all of that, the girl smiled at the bright blue sky above her.

They’d made it. Through everything, they’d made it.

“You seem awfully cheery for someone still hobbling around on one leg,” came a man’s voice from behind her. She recognized it instantly.

“What are you doing moving around out here, Juzo?” Hana turned where the voice was coming from. “You aren’t fully healed yet, ya know.”

Juzo scoffed, “I got tired of layin’ around in that stuffy room every day. Can only take so much boredom before I end up wanting to off myself.”

The girl put her hands on her hips and sighed, but made no objection. “Geez. If you keep pushing yourself, you’re only gonna have to stay longer.” She gave him a smirk. “Well, whatever. Just don’t get caught by the hospital staff.”

“Doesn’t matter to me. It’s not like I’m leaving the hospital grounds. Just gettin’ some air is all.”

“I know, but still.” She gestured for him to sit on a nearby bench and he reluctantly obliged, to which she joined him as well. After a couple moments of silence, gazing off into the distance, Hana spoke quietly. “Things have gotten pretty crazy lately, huh…” she muttered, “never expected it to end up like this…”

Juzo stared at the girl as she spoke before closing his eyes and leaning back into the bench. “I get what you mean. For one thing, I figured I’d be dead by now.” When Hana didn't reply, he changed the subject. “Did you guys ever figure out what happened to Munakata? Or where he is?”

She shook her head. “No, we didn’t,” the girl answered, “he wandered off somewhere and told us not to follow him, from what I heard. Mentioned something about bearing his own cross. I don’t think he’ll be coming back to the Future Foundation anytime soon.”

“Damn it,” Juzo huffed under his breath. “He’s always been like that. Thinking that he has to take on all of the burdens alone. He’s such an idiot.”

“I don’t think it’s stupidity.”

“What’re you gettin’ at?”

“I think he’s concerned about you and the others in his own way. ‘Course, I can’t say for sure, since I didn't really know him that well. But it seems to me like he recognizes that what he did was wrong and wants to put some separation between himself and the organization to allow for healing. 

“For both the Future Foundation and also for himself,” Hana spoke gently, “I think he needs this time alone to reflect. We shouldn’t urge him to come back if he isn’t ready to.”

“Don’t get all preachy on me,” Juzo retorted. “I know all that already.” 

The girl airily laughed a little, “Sorry…”

“So,” Hana leaned back, pulling one knee up to her chest, “what are you gonna do now? After you’re discharged, I mean.”

“Hell if I know…” the man sighed. “‘Dunno what I’m supposed to do now.”

The girl hummed in response. “Well… what do you want to do? Plan on looking for Munakata?”

“No. If he decided that he’d rather be alone, then I have no reason to chase after him anymore…” Juzo’s eyes fell to the ground. Before Hana could respond, he continued, “What about you? What are you gonna do now that the Future Foundation’s in shambles?”

“Hm, I don’t know…” She placed her chin against her knee, thinking deeply, “I think I just want to go home… wherever that is now…”

“Yeah,” the man let out a small breath, letting his gaze drift into the distance, “same…” After a few minutes, Juzo spoke up again, breaking the silence. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

He paused, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to mentally piece together the right words, “Why…’d you bother savin’ me back there? I get the first time was to pay me back for helpin you out against Munakata, but—”

“Because… I promised I wouldn’t let you die.”

“Huh?”

Hana brushed a few strands behind her ear and looked down, “I made that promise to myself and I… couldn’t break it, no matter what.”

“What’s up with that?” Juzo snapped back, “You got some kinda hero complex?”

She gave him an embarrassed smile and an empty chuckle, “No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just…” she hesitated for a second, “someone I knew was… very stubborn about keeping any promise he made. And I guess that sorta just… rubbed off on me.”

“I see how it is,” the man replied, “one of the kids from the Hope’s Peak Killing Game, right?”

A light blush appeared on Hana’s cheeks as she pressed her lips together and fidgeted her thumbs in her lap. “W-Well…”

“Lemme guess, you had a crush on the guy. Then he died, so now you feel like you’ve gotta keep up his ideals in his place,” Juzo said frankly, not wavering for a second. “Sound about right?”

The small squeak that the girl made, along with her face turning a deeper shade of red by the moment, promptly answered his question. “T-That obvious, huh?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Juzo sneered. “But whatever, it’s not like I care to pry into some brat’s love life.”

Hana glanced away, leaning her cheek against her knee once again, “I know I mentioned it before, but you kinda reminded me of him, ya know. I think that’s another reason why I told myself that I had to save you, no matter what happened.”

“Uh-huh?” Juzo paused, giving her a questioning look. “You’re still not gonna say you like me or some sappy shit like that, are you?”

“I already told you it’s not like that!” the girl huffed. 

“Just checkin’.”

“It’s more like… I dunno,” the girl thought for a moment, “you’re both so strong and aggressive and stubborn, but you’ve both got a soft side too. You care about your friends and are willing to do anything to protect those who are close to you. That’s something I really admire, so…”

“Tch, you don’t need to say anything else. I understand.” Juzo also looked away, an embarrassed expression on his face. “I’m not that big a softie.”

“I know, I know. But still…”

The two sat in silence for a while longer, watching a couple birds fly from their perch on a telephone wire. The wind blew softly. Even with all of the chaos happening around them, everything still seemed so peaceful. They still had a lot of work to do; the war against despair wasn’t completely over yet, but for now… 

Things were okay.

With a loud sigh, Hana stood. “Welp! Nothing’s gonna get done if we keep sitting around here.”

“Take it easy. Didja forget you’re still bandaged up too?” Juzo scolded. “You don’t need to push yourself either. Take your own advice for once, will ya?”

Despite Juzo’s harsh tone, Hana giggled. “Don’t worry, I’m alright. I’m mostly healed now. You’re the one in a lot worse condition, but yet here you are still walking around.”

“I’m a lot more sturdy than you are. I can take it.”

“Mhm, sure. You don’t need to act all tough.”

“Shut it.”

“Got it, sorry,” she said with a dismissive laugh. “But, I should really be getting back to the others. Gotta check in on some official Future Foundation business before I go home.” The girl gave a bright grin before turning her back to him. 

Juzo paused before pushing himself up as well, leaning heavily on his crutch. “Right. Duty calls, I guess.” He watched her back for a moment. “Hey, kid.”

“What is it?”

“If… you ever need anything. Just gimme a call, alright?”

Hana smiled softly and nodded. 

“Okay!”

- END -

[lunnamars]

prompt for luffy/nami: maps

Am I super late? Yes, of course. I think I received this ask in...June? May? I don't remember, so I apologize from the bottom of my heart, dear anon, but I was going mad with deadlines and I'm still going through a writing block, so I really hope you like it! I swear I did my best. <3 

You can read this on AO3 too!

map of the problematique

The day was almost ending, the sky burning with the sunset, and Nami still had a pencil in her hand, scribbling lines and forms on a once empty paper. Other supplies scattered across the table, along with the quietness of the library, helped her finish another map successfully.

Being able to see the piece of work coming to life filled Nami's chest with pride and joy; there wasn't a clear explanation to what she felt every time.

She took a deep breath and tried to rest her sight — looking intently at one thing for an extended period always gave her a headache, even if it was her beloved maps or tangerines. Robin was there with her too, but her silence was welcoming and contrasted so much with the usual ruckus of the ship. Nami rested her face on her right hand, admiring the neatly drawn shapes and lines, how her scale was correctly measured, she double-checked, and the vivid colors on the paper. She ran her free hand over the map with fondness, a soft smile on her face while thanking the heavens for being free to do what she liked; what she was meant to do.

Sometimes, Nami wondered how her life would have been like if she had never met Luffy. Where would she be now? Still with shackles on her feet, bound to Arlong? Stealing, risking her life, suffocating more and more?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door and the voice of her captain, "Oi, Nami, are you there? Can I come in?"

Robin chuckled and stood up, walking in the direction of the door to let the firecracker of a man get in. She opened the door and smiled at him, saying with the calm voice of usual, "Hello, Luffy. Can we help you with anything?"

"Hey, Robin, didn't know you were here. Can I stay here with you two?" he asked with his never-ending energy. 

Hmph, always brighter than the sun, Nami thought.

"Why, of course. But I was already on my way out. Nami is still staying for a while. Want to keep her company?" Robin asked and looked over her shoulder to the navigator, winking at her.. Nami narrowed her eyes and pouted, catching on the implicit invitation behind her words. 

Why must Robin be so damn smart? For fuck's sake. 

Luffy had no idea of what had just transpired between the girls and happily added, "Sure! Bye, Robin!"

The archeologist softly grinned and sprouted two hands, patting their heads and bidding them goodbye. Nami heard Luffy's chuckle before the door clicking shut and right after, the sound of his flip-flops across the floor. She felt his breathing on her neck and couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine, her heart starting to beat at an alarming pace in the blink of an eye.

He rested his head on hers and asked, cheerful and beaming as a goddamn sunflower, "Hey Nami! Can I see your maps?"

She knew she couldn't be the sun like him, especially not after the trick he played on her the day before so she grunted, "No."

"C'mon, Nami! Lemme!" Luffy whined like a spoiled brat, entangling his rubber arms around her neck. Took a shower and smelling nice, aren't you?

Nami sighed and crossed her arms, fighting the urge to look in his direction and forcing her heartbeat to stabilize. Damn him and his damned carefree laugh. She snorted, "Luffy, what are you doing here? Don't you have anything else to do?"

"Sheesh, Nami! You're mean! If you don't want me here then just tell me." He let a deep breath and she could feel him pouting. Luffy was still holding her when he spoke again, voice low, "You have been away for almost the whole day, Nami. I was just worried."

"Of course I was, you moron! Have you forgotten what you did yesterday? You almost fucked up the maps that took me almost two weeks to finish!" How easy it was for him to stir her up and make her angry. Luffy was amazing but sometimes he acted like a child, something that always drove her mad.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" He held her tight so she wouldn't escape but careful enough to not strangle her. A great show of controlled strength. She tried to disentangle herself from his embrace, but that only made him encircle his legs around her torso now. Acting like a child again, wanting the adult to forgive him at all costs. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to! I swear I'll… I swear I'll… I swear I'll eat vegetables for a week, and I won't complain!"

His plea seemed sincere, but the idea that he was bargaining a thing that should be on his menu on a daily basis, instead of the huge chunks of meat he thinks is the only necessary thing to make him survive, baffled her. Then, it came in fits and bursts. One snort, then a second, the third was already mixed with laughter, and in the end, Nami was laughing at her heart's content.

He followed her, chuckling slowly and grinning warmly, then his candy-coated laugh that always melted her heart finally reached her ears. They laughed until their ribs hurt. Luffy's occasional child behavior would always provoke two reactions in her: complete anger or complete amusement. Sometimes both.

"Okay, okay. I'm fine, you silly goose. Thanks for apologizing." Nami patted his head, finally having the courage to look into his owlish eyes. His grin became bashful when their eyes met, but he stayed wrapped around her. She pinched his nose lightly and said in a loving voice, "C'mon, let me go. You must be feeling uncomfortable holding me like that, with the chair between us."

Luffy instantly released her, the characteristic sound of his arms and legs retracting echoing in her ears before grabbing another chair and sitting beside her. Her anger towards him long forgotten Nami decided to get back to work. Sometimes it was complicated to get things done when the captain was around but there were times where Luffy would seek her for silence.

The boy from two years ago wasn't like that. But the man he was now valued quiet and peaceful times as well. He was often watching the sunset, humming some song sitting on top of the Sunny's figurehead. Sometimes he was even lost in thought.

He rested his head on her shoulder, watching her pencil carefully slide across a new blank paper, firm and precise black lines appearing. Luffy's silence and steady breathing allowed Nami to enter her focused mode once again.

“Whaddya wanna do after you finish the map of the world?” Her captain spoke again after a while, voice a bit rough from disuse and a bit husky, something she hasn’t gotten used to yet and still has no idea how to deal with. It made her hand falter, the perfect line broken now, and a vein popped on her forehead. 

Nami took a deep breath, picking up the pencil and sharpening it before answering him, "I… Don't know?"

"Wanna go back to your village?" Luffy asked, apparently not paying attention to the way her concentration was interrupted. 

She looked down at his face resting on her shoulder, meeting his eyes and responding warily, "I still haven’t thought about it, Luffy. We still have a long way to go before all of our goals are achieved."

Nami heard his agreement in the form of an "Mm-hmm,” and they both fell silent again. It was completely dark outside now, and the lights of the library had turned on automatically. The navigator decided to call it a day and give some attention to her friend, waiting patiently for her. Waiting was not precisely the right word since she could hear soft snores, but he stayed there, by her side trying not to bother her, but wanting a bit of her presence.

She put away the new map with the others, organized her drawing supplies and putting them away in the drawer below her dedicated desk in the library. Nami rested her hand on her now empty desk, drumming her fingers following the rhythm of the happy-go-lucky songs coming to life through Brook’s violin and thinking about what she could do right now with the moron glued to her side. 

A stolen glance at his peaceful face was all she needed to make her forget any of her worries. The face of someone who's half  boy and half  man, who has kindness in every movement and was able to see right through people. A beautiful soul able to connect with anyone's soul. Her best friend and the boyish man she loves, a person who lived his life to its fullest. Always wanting people around to do the same.

Nami scooped him in her arms — he always became a bit lighter when sleeping — and nestled him to her chest when she settled them down on the couch next to the window. The motion woke him up, but he only curled more against her. The red head rested her chin on his head and mumbled softly, "And you? What do you wanna do after becoming the Pirate King, Luffy?"

"Keep traveling, I guess." He answered and shrugged, voice still hoarse, now from sleeping. 

Nami knew that was an answer that suited him. The freest man in the world would like to keep traveling, learning new things, and meeting new people. She just nodded as he started to play with a thread of her hair before asking, absentminded, "Do you think you'll finish the map of the world before I become Pirate King, Nami?"

"Honestly, I don't think so. The world is huge, and the sea is vast. It will take me a long while, I guess."

It was true. Nami would probably be one of the last to achieve her dream. Not that she minded, no. If the Pirate King wanted to keep traveling then she would continue being his navigator for however long he needed. Eventually she'd finish her map, and his promises to her would be fulfilled.

"Good. That means you'll stay," Luffy replied quietly.

She chuckled and watched him wrap a thread of her hair around his finger, "Are you still so dependent on your navigator, Captain? I can make you a copy of my maps."

"It's not that!" Luffy turned around fast, almost headbutting her, his face closer than before. She meant to scold him, she really did. But the way he was looking at her, with pleading eyes and some emotion behind it she couldn't quite put her finger on it forced her to shut up. Was he truly afraid of being left alone? Did he think they'd separate again?

But there it was once more, the fuzzy feeling every time she was the focus of his undivided attention. The mysterious warmth that enveloped her when he was that close, when she was caught off guard. Although she knew there was no mystery there, she knew the reason behind the phenomenon, definitely knew how to spell the word that explained it all. 

It had been easy falling for that mess of a man, there was no one in the word that was immune to Luffy's charm. The man had the whole world in his hands, always captivating people everywhere he went with his simplicity. But admitting that… Admitting that had been hard.

And there wasn't a time where Nami didn't have to fight the urge of finally reaching, of finally closing the gap. Maybe I can do it today?

"Then what is it, Captain?" she leaned in, her lips almost brushing against his and let herself hope he wouldn't push her away.

Luffy stared at her lips, her eyes, and then her lips again. 

She wondered if Luffy had ever kissed anyone. And if he did, how would he kiss? How would it feel— her lips on his? Would it be like kissing a rubber? That’d definitely be weird. Would she find out today? Why couldn’t she close the gap? 

Afraid. You’re afraid this would change everything.

And losing Luffy would be like a nightmare. It would be suffocating the same way she felt when working on her maps for Arlong in that lonely room.

But Luffy had another idea in mind. There was almost no one as straightforward as him and he made the decision for her. 

Oh.

It felt like rubber and she finally satiated her curiosity, but for some reason it wasn’t weird. It was a simple peck on her lips, gentle and chaste. Maybe that answered her question, maybe he hasn’t kissed anyone yet and her heart soared as she thought she might be the first one, feeling like a little girl again. 

He indeed had the world and her heart in his hands.

Luffy moved away a bit, his owlish eyes piercing hers, studying her reaction. It had been so quick, so fleeting, but her lips tingled. And that was so unfair because she wanted more but had no idea if she could ask for it. She was a greedy witch, but this was way more dangerous than money and bets. 

But then he dived in again, this time with a hand on her neck and the other on her hip, squeezing and making her open her mouth in protest. She felt the tip of his tongue and felt his hesitation. He was unsure of what to do despite his initiative. It was sweet and endearing, but she remembered how greedy she was. And Luffy was her treasure much like her gold and maps.

Hands tangling in the hair on the back of his neck, the growl he let out making her pull him closer, as much closer they could be. Her tongue brushed against his and it’s really all downhill from there. 

When she broke the kiss, who knows how much time later, she looked at him, trying to make him see that she wanted to know the answer to her question.

His big toothy smile told her he was about to assure her everything was okay, but he actually didn’t need to. Everything was always okay when he was around, even with his shenanigans, even after he almost destroyed two weeks’ worth of work.

""It's not about the maps! I just don't wanna sail without you, Nami!"

[bobasheebaby]

Grabby Hands & Frosted Dresses [Wacky Drabble #33]

Pairing: Liam x Ellie (MC)

Word count: 1,626 (whoops)

Warnings: cursing, bratty kids and the names they are called

Summary: Ellie teaches Bradshaw and Isabella about respect.

A/N: This is a rewrite of the scene in the courtyard with Bradshaw and Isabella and their little brats. I have used a lot of the dialogue and added my own flair. I’m borrowing Ellie from my Falling For You series, she is Olivia’s bestie and takes zero shit from ANYONE. (She bounced around in foster care for eight years before aging out.) This does not fit into the FFY timeline, but she’s the best MC for this shit show.

A/N: this is my submission for @emceesynonymroll Wacky Drabble challange 33- I think it’s time I teach you about respect! Prompt will be bolded.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, I’m just borrowing them from PB.

“Wait, her dress is better than mine.” Lyra said balling up her little fists. “I’m the princess of Auvernal!” She stomped her foot. “I should have the best everything! Gimme!” She lunged forward, her sticky frosting covered hands fisting Kyah’s dress.

Kyah scrunched up her face as she let out a loud wail. Ellie pulled Kyah closer to her chest as she instinctively reached out, slapping the girl’s hand from her daughter.

Lyra’s face twisted as she burst into petulant tears. “Moooom!” She screeched turning towards her mother. “Why are they being so mean to me? I’m Auvernal’s only princess!” She sniffled looking up at her mother expectantly. “I should get what I want!”

“Now, now, darling.” Isabella said patting her daughter’s head. “I’m sure Kyah will share everything she has.” She looked pointedly at Ellie. “She’s only a baby, after all.”

Lyra sniffed wiping her tears on her arm, looking at Ellie with a sneer.

“Why, you could probably take anything from her and she wouldn’t even notice as long as you give her something shiny to play with.” Isabella said with a smug smirk. Cordonia owes us everything after all.

Kyah cried turning her head into Ellie’s chest.

“Shhhhh, baby girl.” Ellie said rubbing her daughter’s back. “You’re not sharing a damn thing!”

Kyah hiccuped as she rubbed her face into her mother’s chest.

“These people are stupid!” Issac shouted his foot coming down hard on the paved stone. “I don’t even want to marry this dumb baby.”

You won’t be marrying her, you spoiled little shit! Ellie thought as she cradled Kyah close to her chest, gently swaying her body to soothe and comfort her crying child.

Liam stepped forward, his broad chest blocking the twins from Kyah.

Isabella laughed awkwardly. “Our children just have so much spirit.” She smiled sweetly. “You can’t really blame them, can you?”

Liam straightened his back, his body appearing impossibly tall as he towered over the twins, his face stern as he glared at Isabella and Bradshaw. “Believe me, I can.”

“Oh, come now, King Liam.” Bradshaw said, his eyes narrowing in warning. “They’re only children.”

“Don’t worry, I place a large share of the blame on the parents too.”

“Kids will be kids.” Isabella said sugary sweet, her body tense. “They just need to get to know each other before the official betrothal in a few months.”

Liam placed a protective arm around Ellie and Kyah. “I hope things go better … whenever they eventually see each other again.” He said coolly.

“About that.” Isabella said, her smug grin widening. “We’ve reconsidered. After everything tonight … clearly we need to be closer at hand.”

Oh hell no! Ellie glanced over at Liam who wore the same surprised look. “You already went through all the trouble of packing …”

“Of course,” Bradshaw smiled widely. “We wouldn’t want to impose on your hospitality any longer … we’ve purchased an estate here.”

“Isn’t that wonderful? Now we never have to leave!”

This is not happening! “I’m so happy you’ve fallen so in love with our country that you would consider moving here. I just worry that with all your constant attention here that your own country may begin to suffer and possibly be invaded, I mean your honor guard is currently in Cordonia and not Auvernal, is it not?” Ellie said her words dripping with disdain.

Bradshaw tensed. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that you and your royal brats are no longer welcome in Cordonia.”

Bradshaw’s face hardened. “You need to start showing us some respect, we can be enemies as easily as we can be allies.”

Liam blocked Bradshaw as he took a step towards Ellie.

“I’ve got this Li.” Ellie said as she shifted Kyah to her left hip. “Respect? You want respect? I think it’s time I teach you about respect!

Ever since you showed up to our palace unannounced and uninvited while we were on our honeymoon and demanded our presence you have shown nothing but disrespect.

To have the audacity to show up to another country with demands is bad enough but then you tried to strong arm us into an alliance we didn’t want.”

Ellie turned towards Isabella. “Your little ‘girl's trip’ was no better. From the moment Hana, Olivia and I stepped foot in your country all you did was try to embarrass us.

First you tried to guilt me into buying a gown. Then you decide I must lead an inspirational speech for your honor guard, you tried to set me up to fail but I. Don’t. Fail.

The little stunt in the steam room though. That was really going too far, but I endured as I always do. I didn’t flinch, even as you tried to burn me.

I wish that I could stop there, that your list of transgressions didn’t continue. Hell, I wish I could say you were good people who cared about their country and that you were just a little over the top with the way you approached people, but you aren’t.

You have spent more damn time in Cordonia than in your own country and it shows! Your children clearly don’t know you and don’t have respect for you or anyone else. They are nothing more than misbehaving spoiled brats!”

“You wait here —”

“NO! I’m not done yet King Bradshaw!

You keep waltzing into my country like you own it and you don’t!”

“You aren’t even from Cordonia.”

“I said I wasn’t finished Isabella!

Though I don’t know why I expected more from a woman who came to my baby shower and thought it was appropriate for her to lay her hands on my stomach without asking. Newsflash, it’s isn't!

I possibly could have overlooked all of that if you hadn’t brought your entire honor guard to The Last Apple Ball as a threat.

I don’t take threats lightly, Cordonia doesn’t take threats lightly.

But what really pisses me the hell off is the way you two despicable humans behaved when the Queen and heir’s lives were at risk.

Had you helped us out of the goodness of your heart we would have been thankful. We possibly would have even spoken about an alliance without a betrothal.

Of course you couldn’t possibly do anything out of the goodness of your heart because that would imply that you actually have one!

Instead of helping you took advantage of my husband. You used his fear of losing me and our daughter to get you what you wanted. Well I am telling you right here and right now; Kyah isn’t marrying either of your demon spawn!

So you can go ahead and take your packed bags, honor guard, and your snotty little bastards and return to Auvernal!”

“You obviously don’t know who you are speaking to! Isabella was correct in saying you are too hormonal.”

“Excuse me?” Ellie said stepping closer to Bradshaw. “Do you want to try to say that again?

And by the way Bradshaw, I do know exactly who I am speaking to. You are nothing more than a tiny little man with an over inflated ego!”

“How dare —”

“Oh I know all about you, and how you haven’t ever stepped foot on a battlefield and that every ‘honor’ you’ve achieved has been won from behind a desk.” Ellie smirked as Isabella’s face paled. “I also happen to know that the only reason you want this goddamn alliance is because you’ve misappropriated your funds and you have nothing. Auvernal is broke, all you have is a few shiny medals, an army you couldn’t begin to actually lead, and the bravado to appear scary and threatening.

I’m not scared, I’m not threatened.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“No Bradshaw, you are the one who made a mistake!

You thought you could come in here and bulldoze us like every other country you’ve ‘allied’ with. You underestimated my country, my husband and me.”

“We could end your country in a second.”

“I’d surely like to see you try. You seem to be forgetting a few things.

First, Cordonia has friends. We have allies who actually respect us. We have more than enough friends that we would be able to take out your little country with no problem if you tried to invade us.

Second, I don’t sit behind a desk. I’m from the goddamn streets, I had to fight for myself. Hell I fought assassins on the day of my wedding in my wedding gown, and in heels.

I fought back to back with my husband with our friends by our side. We took out those who underestimated us before, what makes you think we couldn’t do the same with you? Because from where I’m standing you are sorely lacking in resources, allies, and skill, all of which Cordonia has in spades!

If you want respect you have to earn it! And all you’ve earned from me today is a reality check.

So get the hell out of my country, teach those hellions some goddamn manners, and stay the hell away from my family, because I’m telling you right now if either of your little uncivilized, ungrateful, spoiled hoodlums touches my daughter again I will show you just how scary I can be!

One more thing, if you even think about invading my country I will call up every single one of our true allies and end you!” Ellie turned towards Liam ignoring the sputtering and gaping royalty behind them. “Let’s go back inside because we are done here.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

“All the time, the feeling is mutual.” She lightly bounced Kyah on her hip. “Come on baby girl, let’s go talk to people we actually like.”

Feedback fuels me, please like, comment or reblog to let me know how much you like it. I can handle the screams, so scream away.

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[k-s-morgan]

hello! This is gonna be long...But I swear there is a question in the end of this! God I hope what I am about to share is good, I’ve been writing this the whole day! 😤😅💦

2) Female!Tom sounds amazing! Harry would definitely think twice before touching her, since she is the witch who ruined his life. But with him getting constantly reminded of how human she is, and finding her childish behaviors endearing and amusing (much to his frustration)

3) I think he’s going to be more protective and possessive of her later on, especially with people eyeing her up. I imagine that his greatest insecurity would be the constant feeling that she can slip from his grasp at any given moment.

4) she’d view it as a trap and a form of weakness, and would hate to be one of those pathetic woman whose whole propose is a family and a husband. God, she sure as hell wouldn’t want to end up like her mother, whom was abandoned after getting knocked up.

5) No, she is destined for greater things, better things, and she doesn’t need anyone’s help in achieving them. If this Potter individual is idiotic enough to adopt her, then she’d flitter her pretty eyelashes and use him like the other fools in her life. In a way, she’d loathe love and feelings with more vengeance than Tom ever could.

6) And throwing his love right into his face while spontaneously lashing out at him. she’d create an atmosphere that will prevent Harry from feeling completely relaxed around her as he did with Tom.

7) That’s why I don’t think he’s gonna be more prone to getting manipulated by her just because she’s a harmless little girl, he would be on his guard, constantly listening to the alarm bells in his head, ironically, Tom is the one who manages to hide his true self from Harry better. But on the other hand, Harry would be more patient and understanding with her then he would be with Tom. Because, in the end of the day, he understands why she’s refusing to be loved.

8) I imagine that Harry would tease in her things she didn’t even know she liked; an ease, a simplicity, and the fact that she can be as feral as she wants with him 😏 without the fear of being abandoned. She’d drop her masks 🎭 faster than Tom would, because of the suffocating standers to live up to as a girl. I personally see her old-future (Voldemort) as an outlet, a way for her true self to come out and play.

9) But with all the differences between them, they both cringe the moment someone implies that they’re related. (Especially with how similar they look).

10) My question is..would the obsessive/possessive aspect of their relationship differ? And how do you imagine their sexual relationship when their dynamic change? I personally can think of a lot of sexual tension, a lot of awkwardness that she doesn’t help alleviate at all by acting like a spoiled little brat! honestly! sometimes all Harry wants to do is throw her on a couch and-

11) Dumbledore’s desperate attempt to get Harry a female in his life other then her, suddenly makes a lot more sense to me.

-------------------------------

Hello! Wow, you sure wrote a lot, and I’m absolutely delighted to see that that female!Tom ask inspired you to write what could be basically called a short story :D I really loved reading it, you painted such a vivid picture. And I definitely agree with you: Harry would probably be way more protective of her, less convinced that she can take care of herself when she's young. In fact, I think he might have worried that by raising fem!Tom himself in better circumstances, he's making her happier, less wary, and as a result, more vulnerable and defenseless. Naturally, that would be far from the truth, and fem!Tom would use it to her advantage.

I also think that fem!Tom could have opened up to Harry more quickly. Upon seeing that he doesn't care about gender stereotypes and doesn't expect her to be anything she is not, she would have relaxed more, letting him see all sides of her, along with ugly ones, sooner. 

Now, as for the question part: I think Harry would be more openly possessive because while he wouldn’t apply gender stereotypes to fem!Tom, he’d still fall victim to some of them himself. He’d think she needs more protection, so he’d be watching attentively to make sure no one takes advantage of her and that she stays safe. Fem!Tom would have used this occasionally to get a closer contact with him, using Harry’s protective instincts to trigger his passion and get more of his attention. I imagine sex between them would be just as explosive, though, because Tom in ever variation knows how to get on Harry’s nerves and make him lose his cool :D

[talesofealdancynedom]

Amadeus Rosethorn, in fairy robes; He’s an all grown up professional travel paladin!

Tale 17: Calliope Cwenfyre, Amadeus and Andromada Rosethorn (chapter 2 - Amadeus 2/5) part 3. Stories of True Love

self harm

Amadeus Rosethorn was a fair boy from a wealthy wizard family. The wealth came from the large property of Rosethorn manor, and its magic garden, in which homed rare and exclusive plant fey for centuries. The traditions of watering, singing, gathering, and preparing these botanical treasures, was a long running family tradition that effected the whole magic community. Amadeus was the only heir of the Rosethorn manor; As his mother was the only remaining owner of the assets, and did not want more children.

Though born in the Grand West, his half Far South heritage would make one suspect Amadeus, and his father Gemini, to look far more different than they were. Unlike his father however, Amadeus was born a pale as snow without having to go dark. No magic charge was required to change his colours to the nearly unnatural; Which should have been the first sign he was a mage. His father, Gemini Wintersleep, was the witch of the magical forest village of Pepperidge, in the Grand West. Gemini got his magical political position by local recomendation, as he was well known and liked. Amadeus was a single child, with prestigious parents, and a lot of expectations to live up to.

Amadeus’s mother wanted him to marry a girl who was also in a magic house; and he never quite knew why. It came with extracurricular grooming, to give heritage tours of the property, manage finances, please the tree fey, and have proper formal etiquette. His mother obsessively raised Amadeus in hopes he would be a responsible owner of the old property, that supplied the world with rare magic herbs. If he wasn’t a capable successor, Rosethorn manor would be claimed as heritage site, by the government of The Grand West. Which was a group of wizards that did not know how to care for it properly. But Amadeus’s life on Rosehtorn manor was about to get better. When Amadeus was six, his aunt Tchichi and cousin Rah, moved in from the Far South. They were refugees, as his uncle was being abusive. This gave Amadeus a sibling, but no escape from his mother’s form of love. She wanted him well off; even more then he already was. He was not spoiled, because Gemini refuted his mother’s wishes to give him needless niceties, and though Amadeus should know what things are worth. And be vaccinated. In general, Amadeus became a balanced nobleman, and knew what he was worth. Financially and globally.

At thirteen, Amadeus was unaware of how bad the pressure to be the next Rosthorn owner bothered him. Desiring control, as he could not determine his future, Amadeus began to take his feelings out on an awkward boy he passed while biking around the Capitol. Amadeus had been sent to study magic at the acclaimed paladin academy of the Grand West. Only the best for for his mother’s little boy. Unknown to Amadeus, the boy he bullied was rejected, or more prevented, from attending magic school like him. This was Morgan Cyendom. Amadeus would go to no end to prank or ridicule Morgan, about his magical failure and crushed dreams; usually while taunting him, by using magic in front of him. Amadeus would intervein Morgan’s yearning to visit the wizard markets, almost daily. They kept crossing paths outside magic districts. Unknown to Amadeus, Morgen went home, after an entire day of ridicule, to a mundane bungalow to be beaten roughly for being tardy, as his family assumed, he had been around magic. Morgan was not allowed to use magic, as a family tragedy made his parents to fear magic; and thus, his safety around it. Over time, violence was used as a deterrent.

Meanwhile, Amadeus would go home on the weekends, to the luxurious Rosethorn Manor; It had two large magical courtyard gardens, back and front, which homed the precious mythical flora. The black marble block walls surrounding the property, were topped with rose engraved gothic pearl spikes, and matching front gate. The mansion was also black: wood stain, tiles, carpet, flooring, and wallpaper. The exception being accents in each room that where white, such as: furniture, floor bords, window frames, curtains, and rails. Amadeus resided with his loving parents, aunt, and caousin; and there was lots of room for everybody. Amadeus and his cousin Rah might of well have been twins, given how close they were. Inside this beautiful heirloom, it was safe and wonderous; the exact opposite of Morgan’s situation at the time. When Amadeus or Morgan went home, Morgan said nothing about his bully or going near magic. And Amadeus didn’t mention how he loathed his life’s expectations, and how it led to him tormenting a stranger. However, when his parents found out, Amadeus was expelled from the paladin academy, and placed in the troubled youth and international magic school, outside his home village.

In third year, at his local magic school, Amadeus saw Morgan again. thus, he attempted yet again to taunt him. Morgan seemed to have arrived in classes out of nowhere. It was rumored Morgan had disappeared for about two years, and was placed in the academy by the government. He also brought a lovely lady, Emilia, and his cousin Regina; both of which limited Amadeus’s opportunities to get at Morgan. Morgan now had a familiar, a girlfriend, and was attending the same classes as Amadeus. Morgan quickly became the school’s top seer, and proved himself capable with a sword, and communing with fey. It provoked Amadeus. Falling in love with Scarlet Stankild, who was a lovely heartman with a Dalmatian familiar, and being the school’s top paladin, was not enough. Amadeus was convinced he was not worthy of his family’s fortune or prestige; even if in the back of Amadeus’s mind, he knew he was loved regardless of his accomplishments. Amadeus was at an age where comparison is a plague. Amadeus wanted a familiar, be able to use impressive spells, and have a good reputation like his parents. He felt like Morgan was getting ahead. This poor quiet boy Amadeus ridaculed in the capitol, was on par with his years of training and work. Amadeus was livid. Then, Morgan turned out to be a mage; a person in a magic house, who are born with more magic flow, that wield old, powerful, and forbidden magic.

“That boy at the academy is wearing me down.” Gemini said at dinner. “This Morgan Cyendom, who is a mage; making my job incredibly difficult. Even if he is just another troubled student, and only a seer that restores ancient books, I don’t want dangerous magic in my community; Though I respect his talent. The government is breathing down my neck, as the Grand West can’t sweep this under the rug.”

“You usually don’t disclose work details; this must be a really big deal. I wonder how his family feels…” Amadeus’s mother said. Everyone turned to Amadeus.

“He should be in your year Amadeus. Best you stay away from him for now. The witches want him isolated in Pepperidge, at the academy; to give him an education and support that may prevent him from becoming corrupt and dangerous. Which is likely from what I’ve read.” Gemini said. Amadeus thought he had material to work with; information to pull himself above his rival. Magery was cheating and punishable.

After school one day, Amadeus followed Morgan onto Tiberius Gate, which was just down road from the academy. Morgan had opened Tiberius Gate, and now lived on the gate with his uncle, aunt, and cousin. Amadeus stalked Morgan right into the epicenter of the magic forest, for one more chance to snap at Morgan in private. Just before the tower’s steps, Morgan turned around.

“Why are you following me?” He asked. Morgan was connected to the gate after opening it, and thus felt anyone who was on it. Morgan remembered Amadeus, but gave him the benefit of the doubt. This interaction turned out to be nothing like what either of them were expecting, or intending. Amadeus began to shout and point at Morgan, but his words went from malice to tears.

“Why do you get a familiar? A girlfriend! Powerful magic! An entire magic forest! Two legendary lost swords, by just summoning them! You’re an incompetent, scraggly, worthless wizard! How does a nerdy bookworm, who has never been to magic school, achieve all this! To come to this school, even when you practice dark magic, makes me disgusted. My dad should have Master paladin Melida Daigandun, or Estella Celestine, arrest you! But instead, the Grand West forces him to hide you here. Why do you get those things so effortlessly!?!?!” Amadeus yelled. Most would expect Amadeus to be calm and eloquent, like a spoiled brat, but instead he was in tears of defeat. It would be fair to assume that Morgan would confront this intruder without mercy, yet instead, he put a comforting palm on Amadeus’s shoulder.

“You don’t need a familiar, or be a mage, to be a powerful wizard and paladin. You already are one. I had no idea you were so upset; Is that why you were so mean? Your family must have put a lot of pressure on you to fit a mold, and accept your family inheritances. It didn’t take long for me to hear about it; I wasn’t stalking or anything. Actually, I hear a lot of good things about you; it’s kind of sad you don’t see it.” Morgan said. In all those years Amadeus had tormented him, Morgan had never once wanted to, or did, fight back.

“Want to meet a beast king?” Morgan asked, in a chipper tone. He stood up and reached out to Amadeus with a smile.

“What?” Amadeus said.  He had no clue what a beast king was. Before he could ask, Morgan had grabbed his wrist, and pulled him across Tiberius Gate toward a wolf statue. This work of art was a door that led into the shadow veil. The numb gray ether of Ealden Cyndom that is made of, and is the source of, all magic.

“You said in fey studies, you liked the tree and wolf kingdoms right? Eobreth the Aliki Wolf you see me with sometimes, is the eldest prince of the Wolf King; and my first fey friend! He knows a thing or two about the hunt! The symbol for the wolf kingdom in the rune for hero or king warrior. You might like to meet the Wolf King; since you want to be a great warrior and noble.” Morgan said.

To Amadeus’s surprise, he felt no fear. While common folk or wizards would panic and curdle in the submersion of the shadow veil, mages found it comforting and calm. To them it was like a depravation tank. Looking up, Amadeus saw a giant armored wolf, which Morgan introduced as the Wolf King. The Wolf King was so large, with such a booming growl, and grand shining armor, it was terrifyingly radiant. Morgan then began introducing Amadeus as an acquaintance. Amadeus began to panic in confusion; he was certain Morgan and himself were supposed to hate each other. Yet, Morgan appeared to be doing him a favour. Amadeus barely heard what the Wolf King said. The shadow veil became the least of his concerns.

“A boy mage like you, from a house of the tree kingdom, is before me wishing to be a grand hero? Come here, I will give you something special to me, that will give you better control of your magic; and give you the ability to transform into one of my children. You will have their abilities and magic as well.” He growled. “You need only make a pact with a wolf child. I think it should be a moon serval. I made these children from my essence, to be guardians of weary travelers; it would suit you well! In a pact with my child, you will oath to let my brother King Mage Morgan be your friend, and guard those you love well. Be careful though; if a fey dies inside the warg mage who is enfeyed with it, will die too. Do not be burdened by grief, or betray your pact.” The Wolf King proposed.

In awe, and not objecting to the offer, Amadeus irrationally agreed to the pact. As the king said, being imbued, or enfeyed, with the magic of a consenting contracted fey, made a person a warg; someone who could turn into a fey at will. It also gave them properties of that fey and more magic to work with. It was a kingly gift to a paladin. When they returned to the day veil, Amadeus thanked Morgan.

“How can I ever repay you? After all I’ve done to you. I am in your favor, and a paladin at your side in any quest. I am so sorry for treating you poorly; I do not deserve your kindness.” Amadeus said.

“It’s ok Amadeus. I know bullies only lash out because they hurt too. I was never mad, I had bigger things to deal with,” Morgan shrugged. “Guess this means we’ll be friends at school tomorrow?” Morgan laughed. Amadeus nodded yes.

Morgan and Amadeus had been friends for a few months; and in that time, they had talked to each other about their lives and troubles. They both turned out to need that. Amadeus had also begun to pick up some magery, now that he knew he was one. Morgan had all the resources he needed. But the whole time, Amadeus felt a particular ache in his heart after learning Morgan’s full story. At lunch break, Amadeus saw scars on Morgan’s forearms during an arm-wrestle with his cousin Reggie. Amadeus was shocked in guilt. His friend Morgan, that he once bullied every day, was being beaten and deprived of his dreams at the same time. Morgan needed help, and Amadeus had no clue. When Morgan needed a friend most, Amadeus was making his life worse. He was bullying a broken man shamelessly. If he had known, he would have been that friend. Amadeus’s apology to Morgan was well received, but did not provide the closure Amadeus needed. Now he felt like a terrible friend.

When Amadeus went home for the weekend, he found Rosethorn manor occupied by his family and friends. His dad was a good host, and these fancy parties were nothing new. In fact, Amadeus used to like them; that’s how he met Scarlet. His father was at the door to greet him when he walked in.

“Son, you look so sad. It’s your birthday, and I organized you a nice little party. What’s wrong?” Gemini asked. Amadeus had forgotten it was his birthday; being so focused on his guilt.

“Oh, that’s why there are so many people here. I guess I forgot. I have a lot of things going on.” Amadeus said.

“I know. I hear from Rah you have been doing well in school, and made some new friends. I’m glad he changed his mind, and decided to peruse magic with you.” Gemini smiled. This did not make Amadeus feel any better. His mother intervened, and rushed Amadeus upstairs to his room. She was so frenzied she didn’t notice Amadeus could have used a hug.

Upstairs, His mother showed him to his room. On his bed were his heirloom fairy robes, white and black, and styled for a mage of the tree kingdom.

“I think your big enough to wear these now! Happy birthday Amadeus.” She said hugging him. Amadeus loved them; he had waited years to receive them. They were authentic, and were thus likely made by the Fairy King, for a mage ancestor. But looking in the mirror, no matter how perfect they were, all he saw was someone of privilege who was a terrible friend.

Gemini went upstairs to check on Amadeus; he was taking so long to get dressed, and looked unwell when he went to change. Gemini found Amadeus crying in front of the mirror in his room.

“What’s wrong? Your robes look lovely, and we’re about to have dinner. Do you need to talk first?” Gemini said, sitting on the bed and making a spot for Amadeus. His mother had been called downstairs after helping Amadeus put on the robes. And Gemini returned to see how his son was holding up. Amadeus leaned in, and gave a sigh.

“I hate myself. I am a terrible friend. My friend Morgan said I am a mage too; and we get along so well, yet it feels so fake after all the time I spent bullying him. And now it’s like he forgives me; he even took me to the Wolf King to become enfayed, and be a better paladin. I don’t deserve it. I care about him now, but the damage is already done; and it’s partially my fault. I could have done something. I could have been there for him.” Amadeus cried. Gemini was not impressed; being a wizard of high standing, who was against magery, did not take well to his son’s words. Even if he loved Amadeus. His father had no problems with Amadeus being a warg, but befriending a mage and studying old magic was unacceptable. At his own party, Amadeus’s father reprimanded him by ordering him to sharpen and polish his heirloom sword. Making a child do something harmless they don’t want to, is often enough negative reinforcement for trivial matters.

Amadeus’s mother was a Rosethorn, but Rah and his father were in the fairy kingdom house of Wintersleep. The old dull magic blade was incredibly valued by Gemini. Gemini wanted Amadeus was to inherit it, but he knew it should belong to his cousin Rah; who was still a Wintersleep in line to get it. Amadeus was having a terrible day. Then he realized he had been presented with an opportunity; legendary magic weapons are made by warlocks, who are mages. He would need to use magery, in front of his family, to restore the sword.

Having a new friend in Morgan, and irritated at his father’s dismay when he needed support, Amadeus proceeded to use mage methods to restore the blade. Any emotions attached to being a perfect Rosethorn predecessor were put aside. Enfeyed with a wolf child made his senses as sharp as all feline and canine fey; Amadeus used a winter steel tuner, to flick the blade and listen to the vibration of the sword. Like a crystal, the sound of every substance has its own frequency, its own flow of magic. Knowing frequencies was used in alchemy, and identification of magical properties. In school, Amadeus learned to recognized the sounds. The sword was also winter steel. Reading the runic, he determined the maker, and identified the blade by a few database searches of the digitized ancient books Morgan had translated. The blade could only be sharpened in a specific way. Warlocks always gave their magic creations intense security measures, to keep anyone who they were not intended for, from using them. Amadeus performed the following with some help from Rah:

           “To sharpen and use this blade that turns all it cuts clean to ice, and I name the Is Sabre of wintersleep; must place it in a transmuted silver basin lined with the names of the winter beast kings along the inner rim, and filled with water transmuted by magic men. Then add the blood of one to inherit it as they sing the song of the frozen lake under a full moons light. As they watch it freeze, and its basin melt. Upon the last note the ice will break, and the heir may pull the blade from its icy sheath; restored once more to original form, power and glory.”

Amadeus handed the sword in mint condition to his father, and walked away from his own birthday party, with Rah and Scarlet. They then proceeded to the tower on Tiberius Gate, to spend the rest of his birthday with Morgan, Reggie and Emilia. He would rather be playing teen party games, then sitting in a room of adults talking about politics. Amadeus never let go of the regret he felt for torturing Morgan, nor his oath to protect his friends as a paladin. He wanted to there for  all their quests.  

Amadeus would tell this tale to Calliope, and his daughter Andromada, when he babysat for Morgan and Emilia. Calliope was Amadeus’s favourite out of Morgan’s four children; because she was the most like her father. Calliope had that sparkle, that reminded Amadeus why Morgan was his best friend. It reminded him of his dreams, oaths, and gratitude. Morgan and Calliope had the same precious glimmer of wonder, curiosity, and kindness, that needs to be protected and nurtured.

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[yashalex]

Relationship: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant Chapters: 1/? Summary: Eliott Demaury is a driver, but also he’s a spy... well, sort of. Somehow it’s become his job to look after troubled children of rich businessmen. But Lucas Lallemant is a real problem that Eliott never really saw coming. AO3

Chapter 1 Eliott gets a job as the driver of Lucas Lallemant

Eliott Demaurywasn't the one who believed in such term as an «a stroke of luck». Everything he had ever achieved was the result of his right and not so right choices, which he had no other choice but to make through his whole life. His first correct decision was to help a seventh-year-old girl to walk home after her severe fall from the pink bike with a big purple bow on the handlebar. His next wise move was to keep in touch with her. He was a poor child, and she was rich. The perfect scenario created itself without any efforts of Eliott’s side. A couple of kind words in the accompaniment of one of his charming smiles and the girl saw her knight in shining armour in his face. Eliott’s mistake was to let her feeling of affection towards him grow without any particular necessity. He made his way into her home, he earned the respect of her father, and he even got a job, but still, the guy wasn't ready to give her what she wanted. Eliott Demaurydidn't love Lucille Amateur.

"Philippe and I are very good friends, you know." Valentine Lallemant's piercing blue eyes were looking at the young guy, who was standing right in front of him.  Probably he was trying to see what was so special about him that his dear friend advised the boy's service instead of the specialized agency that at least had a reputation. It was a shame that they failed to help him before, though.

Eliott could see doubts and questions running through the businessman's head. That was obvious from the way he was frowning.

"I suppose that's the reason why I'm here right now," he said with careful politeness. Valentin Lallemantwasn't a joke to anyone. Especially to somebody, who meant as little as Eliott.

"Yeah, that and the fact that you somehow made him respect you and that, believe me, is a very hard thing to achieve," Valentine murmured thoughtfully, not leaving his eyes off Eliott.

Valentine Lallemant and Philippe Amateur were one of the most famous duets in the whole of France. The one was an owner of a hotel empire; another one was an owner of the chain of the auto salons all over Europe. Both built their empires from scratch and became the faces of any motivation-related story about how you can achieve everything if you only try.  What a bullshit! Only a moron would have believed that their businesses were clean and that they were pure and innocent as newborn babies. There was something dark happening behind the closed doors of their offices, but they haven't been caught yet, and perhaps that was the only thing that mattered. Moreover, that aspect of their lives wasn't something Eliott was interested in. The fact that they had a good business and personal relationship was enough for him to close his eyes on everything else, as long as it was playing into his hands.

"I also can't but approve your reasoning behind your leaving the Amateur's house. I know you had a good life there." MrLallemant straightened up in the chair and crossed his arms around the chest. Despite him being in a lower position, as Eliott was still standing, the young man could feel that the man was looking down on him. And he had every right on that, of course.

"I did what was right," Eliott gave a simple answer, but something in Valentine's smirk made him suspect that it wasn't something he was ready to buy so quickly. He was a smart man after all.

"Yeah, for you and your future," Valentine agreed, being perfectly aware that it wasn't the idea Eliott tried to sell to him. Though Eliott didn't argue, he let him continue. "Philippe's sure that you left because of your dignity and respect for him and his family, but we both know that the situation could have gotten only worse if only you decided to take advantage of pure Lucille. You were wise enough to leave and to earn even more of his respect even."

"Am I supposed to answer that?" Eliott asked, and that made Valentine scoff satisfied.

The situation with Lucille got out of the hand pretty quickly. That was an omission on Eliott's part. He used to consider her infatuation with him as something temporary and not so serious. He was sure it was just a phase. The guy expected it to be over at any moment and for her to find some new love interest, but that didn't happen. Her gaze was stopping at him for far too long, her embraces became too tight and intimate, and she stopped following what she was saying in front of him and the company of others, so she practically became a problem. It was never an option for him to reciprocate to her feelings as he had none of them, and pretending wasn't his style. But he wanted to keep his connection with Mr Amateur, so he spent hours to make up the perfect solution, and he did well. His final decision had a success, which led him straight to the office of MrLallemant.

"My son is a problem," suddenly Valentine changed the topic, and Eliott knew that since that moment he needed to absorb every word that would come out of the man's mouth. Lucas Lallemant was his real concern at this job, and he was a problematic kid.

Lucas Lallemant was a star of the all gutter press. A young boy of eighteen years old, who's brought nothing but shame on the name of his powerful father. This little spoiled and arrogant brat was attracting too much unwelcome attention to the family. Constant parties, uncontrollable use of alcohol, dirty fights and big scandals. That was everything that needed any journalist for a couple of juicy and successful stories. Eliott had no particular opinion on the boy as it didn’t matter to him, but he’s heard some stories about him from Lucile that made him despise the junior Lallemant. He had everything Eliott was ready to kill for, and he had no idea how to value that. And that was not surprising and not that big of a secret that Valentine didn’t even try to get along with his son. Probably, he wasn’t worth it. But the man’s reputation was a lot to lose it just because of one silly boy, and that’s how Eliott turned out to be standing in his office.

“I need a driver for him as he can’t drive, and he can’t be trusted to move about the city alone. And the driver needs to be young to become his friend,” Valentine continued, having closed a fat folder in front him and having put it aside. He leaned on his table, giving all his attention to the guy, who was listening to him attentively. “This boy can be a real snake. We changed four drivers in the last half of the year. However, I suppose it was a mistake from my side. I chose people of my age for them to understand me, while I needed someone who would understand him. Or at least would pretend that he understands. And it seems that you’re good at that.”

For everyone, Eliott was Lucille’s driver. For the girl, he was a driver and a friend. For her father, he was a spy. Not officially of course, but that was an unspoken agreement between them right from the start. He gave him a job, but he was paying the guy for the information. It turned out that if you have enough money, and you care about your child (or reputation), you can forget about all the moral code just to protect the things that matter to you. Eliott couldn’t say that he approved that kind of behaviour, but he could easily turn his blind eye on that for a good price. And the price was really good. In no time Mr Amateur knew all about his daughters’ friends, boyfriends, parties and even addictions. Whenever she went, the man knew about it straight away. Eliott was smart and careful, never letting her doubt him. He gained her full trust just to win her father’s trust, and he left just before it all could crash down on him. Now he still had Mr Amateur’s respect, Lucille’s admiration and a good perspective on the new job.

“I need you to be close enough for him to consider you as his friend. He’s difficult, but he’s lonely. He has no real friends, so you can use it,” Valentine said coldly as if he was talking about some stranger from the street and not about his flesh and blood. And Eliott would have been surprised by it if only he hadn't already known that all the fathers sucked. “I need you to be everywhere where he is. I need to know about his whereabouts all the time. You need to know who he’s meeting with, when, where and why. Any sign of the pettiest scandal and I need to know about it. We’ve made an arrangement with him, so he’ll be using your service constantly, but you need to find a way to go further than that. He had to trust you. You’re obviously a bright kid, but still… do you think you could do that?” The man was glaring at him, and Eliott did not doubt that it was the task right for him. But he had questions.

“You sound as if I need to be next to him 24/7. That’s not how I was working with Lucille,” he didn't but pointed out to the fact. MrLallemant nodded and wrote down something on the piece of paper. When he finished, he handed it to the younger guy.

“I know, and that’s why you will be living in our house.”

Eliott took a note from the man and saw not only an address but also a big figure written on it. That was twice bigger than he’s ever gotten working on Phillippe.

“It isn’t going to a problem, right?” Valentine gave the guy time to look at the paper. Oh, he certainly knew what he was doing. Working on the previous conditions, Eliott would have refused to live under the same roof as Lucille, but that was another family, and the price was very tempting, so it would be stupid to say “no”.

“Not a problem at all,” Eliott replied and put the note in his pocket. MrLallemantgrinned, satisfied, but in a second, that smile disappeared from his face as he clearly remembered about something.

“But there is one detail about my son…” he said, and Eliott could see how the man was trying to find the right words to express his thought. Funnily enough, Eliott’s already figured what it probably was about, but it would be wiser of him to keep it shut on the topic. “My son has one peculiarity…” he stopped once again and cleared his throat. Valentine was so obviously ashamed of what he was about to say. “Sometimes he thinks that he likes boys,” he almost hissed, and Eliott hardly held a smirk at the thought that the man couldn’t have made himself to say the word "gay".

“And you don’t want it to be a piece of common knowledge?” Eliott suggested something he’s already known.

“He’s a confused and spoiled boy, so it isn’t worth of hassle,” the man was avoiding Eliott’s eyes, and that was hilarious seeing such reaction from a well-respected businessman. “I don’t need these fool journalists to talk trash about my family again.”

Eliott knew that the man’s already faced the problem like that before. Over a year ago, somebody released a photo of the Lallemant junior kissing another boy right in front of some posh nightclub. And that wasn’t just a perk in the cheek, but a real kiss with tongues and stuff. Lucas was clearly off his face, so as his partner. Another wild night turned Valentine’s life into a nightmare, as the photo took a front page of the most serious and solid newspapers and magazines. And it was all over the Internet, of course. The next morning Lucas gave an interview, where he admitted that he was just too drunk and that was nothing but a silly attempt to laugh at journalists, who follow his every step. He said that he had a girlfriend that he loved very much just to erase any suspicion of his sexual orientation. But the damage was already done, and Eliott’s heard that Valentine lost a couple of conservative clients because of this stunt, so it was no wonder that he was trying to hide the reality so hard. And there was no doubt that the man didn't have to know about Eliott’s bisexuality. He needed this opportunity too much just to lose it because if someone’s ignorance.

Valentine finally managed to get a grip as he straightened up again, looking serious. “At first your main task is to follow him everywhere outside, help him avoid cameras and save him from the troubles on the public. In the school, house and places he’s going to there are always my people, so they will look after him there but…”

“I need to do my best to become close to him and have a chance to know about his every move and his every thought. I get it,” Eliott finished the man’s sentence, and he nodded pleased. “Still, I’m not a bodyguard,” Eliott reminded. He kept in mind that Valentine Lallemant lived in a dangerous world, and maybe Demaury was a good spy, but he never was a fighter.

“Nobody asks you to be him,” Valentine replied, and that was enough for Eliott. “So if you have no questions, you can move in tomorrow. The room will be ready for you. I’ll also bring a contract and discuss with you all the details. Your services will be needed until the end of the school year, after that, I’ll send Lucas to London. You’ll have a chance to walk away whatever you’ll want to. I prefer people working on me by choice and not by pressure. So do we have a deal?” The man stood up and extended his hand toward Eliott.

“Yes, we do,” Eliott answered with a polite smile, and they shook their hands.

If there was something Eliott’s learned during that meeting, that was that sometimes reputation was so much more thicker than blood.

“Are you sure that it’s a really good idea? I’ve heard a lot of stuff about that Valentine, and he’s certainly the man I would have avoided.”

Idriss was standing in the doorway of Eliott’s room. He’s just heard the news, and he wasn’t pleased with them at all. Eliott’s best friend didn’t like a lot of details of that deal. The first one was that he didn’t want him to move out, leaving him alone with their other neighbour, Mika. The second reason for his attitude was that he has absolutely no trust in the Lallemant family. And that was wise. Eliott didn’t trust these people either. But that wasn’t what he was paid for, right? He was joining the family’s house just because of his job. And that was Idriss’ last concern. The man never hid the fact that he considered Eliott’s idea of working instead of studying stupid. And when Eliott’s friend was nagging him about that, Demaury was ready to kill him in cold blood.

“I’m going to spend most of the time with his son and not him.”

Eliott looked around to check if he’s put in his bag everything that he needed. He didn’t have in plans to move out completely, he’s already paid rent for a year ahead, and he liked to have a place he always could return to. So he decided to take only the things that were really necessary for him in Lallemant’s house. A couple of boxers, trousers, T-shirts, shirts and all the little stuff. Eliott knew for sure that he would come back in the flat in a week just to see his mates, and then he would grab all the other stuff he wanted to.

“As if his son is anywhere better,” Idriss sighed and sat on the sofa. Eliott joined him. “He seems like the right trouble. Yeah, Lucille wasn’t the angel, but this one is another level. Have you heard that he trashed the car, told the press that his driver took drugs from Valentine and then did it himself? It's not normal behaviour!”

Eliott let out a laugh, having remembered another scandal out of the life of Lallemants. Yeah, that was a big one too. It was the first driver Valentine hired and, judging by the way the things ended, he didn’t get on with Lallemant junior at all. In a week he was sacked and accused of using drugs. Yeah, in one evening Lucas told about it every journalist he could only get hold of, proving it with photos of the car the man allegedly crashed. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t call his own father a dealer. But still, it wasn’t even the weirdest thing. To Eliott’s amusement, the boy was sober when he was doing it. How did he know that? He was there together with Lucille when all the mess’ started. Lucas didn’t just gather the journalists, but also all his rich friends for them to spread the rumours. Yeah, that was quite a show. But Eliott preferred to keep silent about his not so significant involvement in the act. All the more, Lucas apologised in a few days, having blamed it all on a stupid bet with his friend. And knowing the nature of the boy, everyone believed it. But not Eliott. He saw the look on the boy’s face that evening and there was something intriguing there. Maybe now he would have a chance to find some answers. And as they say, there is no smoke without fire.

“Valentine could have just hired the guy a babysitter. Why exactly does he need a driver?” Idriss questioned.

“He can’t drive, apparently,” Eliott shrugged. “But, yeah, I guess he’s just impressed with the things Mr Amateur told him about me. And I’m no way complaining. I can be even Valentines’ babysitter if he keeps giving me the money he promises to.”

Idriss gave him a disappointed look but didn’t say anything. His friend had both things Eliott was always deprived of. He had a loving family and money. No, he wasn’t as rich as Lallemants, but he always had enough to go by. So there was no way for him to understand Eliott and his motivation. AndDemaury didn’t ask him to actually.

Eliott’s phone vibrated, and he saw one new message.

[Lucille]:

is it truth? you replaced me with lucas lallemant? wtf???

“You didn’t tell her?” Idriss asked surprised, having looked at the screen over Eliott’s shoulder.

“We decided that it’d be better like that,” he replied and put away his phone. Well, it wasn’t actually his decision not even say goodbye but her father’s. Despite Lucille’s stupid crush oh him that messed things up, he liked that girl. They knew each other long enough for Eliott to bond with her in some way. He didn’t feel anything deep and physical towards Lucille, but he was sincerely upset when he figured what her feelings were. After all, the guy didn’t have that many friends to lose another one.

“You know, you just could fuck her from times to times and be happy,” Idriss said, and Eliott knew that he meant it as a joke.

“Or he could fuck Lucas Lallemant and be even happier,” Mika came waltzing in the room.

“Or be killed!” Idriss answered back, and Mika waved his hand on him, settling in the chair opposite them.

“This guy is super cute and rich, so I would jump this ship too, for sure!” He winked at Eliott.

“Was it even officially confirmed that he’s gay? I saw his photos with some girl the other day,” Idriss commented.

“It’s just him trying to conceal the obvious. Everyone knows with whom he’s spending his nights with, photos or no photos,” Mika stated. “But still I want to know all the gossips. I bet their family has a lot of dark and juicy secrets,” the guy smiled slyly, looking at Eliott.

“My job is to keep him from such people as you, so forget about it,” Eliott smirked, and Mika scoffed displeased.

“You are still so boring!” He complained.

“But it’s just until the end of the year, right?” Idriss asked. It was obvious that the idea still worried him.

“If everything goes right then yeah. After that, Valentine’s sending him to London,” Eliott put a cigarette between his lips and lit it. Idriss looked at him disappointed. He hated when the friend was smoking right in the flat. But they were sitting in his room, so he had no right to say something against it. Smoking was a bad habit, Eliott didn’t deny the fact, but he was a child when he tried it the first time and now it’s become a part of him. Cigarettes let him relax a little, and that was something he needed in his life a lot.

“You knew that he had to finish school last year, but suddenly disappeared, so he’s attending it now?” Mika was looking at his phone. He’s already googled the boy’s name to gain more information. Eliott though to do the same, but he never got around it. “Interesting, why did he have to miss the whole year?”

“I won’t be surprised if Valentine sent him to some religious camp for them to kill gay inside him,” Eliott shared, having remembered the shame in the man’s eyes when he was talking about his son’s preferences.

“It must be tough to have a father like that,” Mika said compassionately.

“And what’s the deal with his mum? Don’t think I’ve seen her face in the news recently,” Idriss noted, and Mika looked at his phone again, tapping something. In a few minutes, he gave the answer.

“Well, there was no official statement, but there are gossips that she went mad, and she’s at the clinic now. But Valentine isn’t commenting on the situation and neither so his son.”

“If it’s true, I feel bad for the boy,” Idriss said, and Milan nodded. Eliott’s took another drag.

“He’s just another rich snob, who cares about nothing but himself. I’ve met him a couple of times before, so believe me, he’s not worth feeling sorry for him,” he declared and stood up.

“You’re full of prejudices, you need to meet the boy first just to make such strong assumptions!” Mika confronted him, but Eliott just rolled his eyes at the neighbour and came to his table. There were two things he hadn’t packed yet. Two photos. One of his mother and another of his grandparents. He hated both of them, but these probably were the only things in his life he couldn’t leave behind.

Living with Idriss and Mika for three years Eliott got used to meeting Mika’s hook-ups in the morning in the kitchen not to ever see their faces ever again. Or in the late evenings when he didn’t even know that they had visitors. And Mika loved organizing surprise parties. Or that could be Idriss’ sister Imane with her boyfriends and Idriss and Eliott’s friend Sofiane. Their flat’s became their second home. They probably were spending more time here than in their own apartment. So at any time, someone could have come, and they wouldn't have even been surprised.

“Not me,” Idriss answered.

“Me neither, but I’ll go and look.” Milan stood and went to the door.

“I hope it’s not another boyfriend he’s forgotten about,” Idriss joked, and Eliott laughed back.

In a few seconds, Mika came back with a sly smile, looking at Eliott.

“Honey, you have a guest,” he said cunningly. By the look on his face Eliott’sknown that it was something the guy was really excited about. And he seriously couldn’t even suggest who it could have been. His first thought was Lucille. Sometimes she knew no boundaries, and when he ignored her like he did today, she could just turn up at their doorways. But it wouldn’t have explained Mika’s enthusiasm. He hated the girl.

“Do you know who is there?” Idriss asked with interest.

“Do I look like I know?” Eliott replied a little bit irritated.

He went to the door, feeling Mika’s eyes on his back. He’s heard how the guy hissed something to Idriss, but he didn’t hear what exactly he said. Or he preferred to ignore that. Most of the things Mika was saying usually didn't worth the time of listening to him.

“Finally!”

Eliott’s heard a mumble of the person, standing at the door. The second he saw who exactly it was, he froze.

“So I’ve heard I’m your new boss,” said the boy in the black shirt with long sleeves and black jeans. He was leaning against the doorframe, and there was a bottle of champagne in his right hand. And though there were sunglasses on his eyes, there was no problem for Eliott to identify the guest.

Lucas Lallemant was standing right in front of him.

[mugen-monogatari]

Kabukimonogatari - Shinobu Silence; Humanizing a Monster

This post is the second part of my Kabukimonogatari posts. In the first post, I talked about Hachikuji and her key scene, while in this post, I’ll be talking about Shinobu and her important scene. To me personally, this climax of the arc was probably one of the best scenes in Monogatari as a whole. This entire exchange, was so satisfyingly, unsatisfying. It left me feeling empty, and almost disappointed (which sounds like a bad thing), but that’s what makes it so great. The crushingly painful realism. This entire arc was a commentary on how even our smallest actions and decisions can affect the greater world around us. It shows how we take even the smallest things for granted, with some pretty insightful commentary on depression and being in a dark place.

So with that brief introduction out of the way. Lets talk about shinobu and her climactic scene in Kabukimonogatari. For this analysis, I’ll be potentially spoiling all the way up to episode 10 of the Monogatari second Season. Keep that in mind if you haven’t yet seen up to that point. Also, this is all just my interpretation, none of this should be taken as fact.

Ironically, this arc was the first which made Shinobu, a vampire, an aberration, feel the most human in the entire series. She demonstrates, while seeming like a transcendent being, she’s very much so susceptible to the same problems everyone faces. Jealousy, pride, depression. They affect her just as much as they would anyone else. Which was top-notch characterization for this point in the story. Up to then, Shinobu was almost an enigma, being incredibly cute and wise, but having very little going for her in terms of emotional depth (that is unless you watched or read Kizumonogatari before this).

This entire humanization is what leads to the apocalyptic events of Kabuki. Shinobu’s jealousy. Her envy for the people around Koyomi, her pride and child-like stubbornness. Most of you probably didn’t remember until it was mentioned, Shinobu was missing at one point in the story, only returning upon seeing Koyomi’s efforts to find her. She saw this as an act of mutual affection. Him searching for her demonstrated his need or care for her, so she returned the kindness by helping him with the Hanekawa situation. However in this reality, Hachikuji had never incentivized Koyomi to go search for Shinobu, prompting her to destroy the world in her solitude and envy.

And that was one of the really heart-wrenching things about this arc- It shows even that little ounce of effort is enough to save someone, or to change things, even fix things. In our case, Koyomi actively put that effort in, going out of his way instead of settling for the easy route of just waiting for her to return. Shinobu while having lived for hundreds of years, still has the mind of a spoiled brat. She felt as if it was Koyomi’s job to come searching for her. She refused to be the one that put the effort in. She acknowledges this herself- “If I had only made one tiny compromise.” She realizes that you can’t expect things to happen for you, if you’re not willing to put some effort in yourself. She comes to terms with the unreasonable nature of her actions, having created this entire situation and forcing Koyomi to search for her, to see things from her perspective. But in this alternate reality- He never did.

I feel that's a painfully accurate depiction of human emotions. A lot of the time, we expect things from people that aren’t entirely fair. We can’t always admit we’re wrong, and we’re often too stubborn to just apologize. We instead run away and blame it on everyone else. “It was his fault for not chasing me-” That’s the sort of mentality she had. And that’s a mentality a lot of people have. But this entire arc shows you have to compromise. You can’t rely on one party in a relationship to fix everything. You both must actively work towards whatever happiness you seek.

“If I’d only opened up my heart to this boy a little more, Believing and entrusting…”

It also shows a slightly nihilistic view of our actions. Running away, destroying the world was completely pointless, she accomplished nothing in doing so. The void in her heart was not filled, she was just left feeling even more empty and depressed. Had she just waited slightly longer, or better yet, compromised, she would’ve had the happiness she sought after. Which is a good message told in a depressing way. Patience is key. Don’t run away from the problem and expect everyone else to fix it. If you’re not happy with the way someone acts or a situation you’re in, you can work on improving that, even when it’s hard, time and effort will help you ultimately achieve happiness.

This was a very rough scene for me personally. Your actions aren’t permanent, but your mistakes are. Running away isn’t the end of it. Had she just returned everything would have been okay, while never returning led to the end of our world as we knew it. Her world too. She was left with nothing but regrets. “My running away from home caused me to lose you… Making me feel like I had lost a wing, A half of myself.” A quote that just goes to demonstrate her pain. Her misery at making one, small, stupid, stubborn choice, which led to everything she knew ending. Leaving her with nothing but a destroyed world and a void in her heart.

Which leads me onto my second part of this scene. Depression. I know it’s a little cliche to talk about it, but I think this is a fairly accurate depiction of it. It’s not a switch or something that happens overnight. In the case of Shinobu and most people, it’s a downwards spiral, one bad day leading to another, before they pile up. In her case, she was stubborn. Taking her anger out on the world, before realizing in feeling alone, she truly became alone. She destroyed her own life, with her own hands. As DJ Khaled once said; “Congratulations, you played yourself.”(Had to get one meme in there to lighten the mood plsdontkillme).

Shinobu feels truly alone. She struggles with the fact that Koyomi is surrounded by all these girls, forcing him to divide his attention between them all, making her feel unneeded and desperate. So she flees. She runs away with the hope that he’ll chase her, and when he doesn’t- She kills everyone. In doing so, she realizes that she truly has become alone and is prompted to take her own life.

But then upon seeing her alternate self, it becomes all so painfully clear the futility of her actions. This could have all been avoided if- you guessed it- she compromised. There most definitely was a reality where she was happy. There was a certain almost guaranteed chance that everything would be okay, had she just waited or tried to put effort in herself. It’s a very touching moment actually, when she has the tragic realization that everything she did was pointless. She had ruined everything for no reason. That there was a reality where both her and Koyomi could happily snuggle together.

While that may sound bleak, I think the real hidden message is that things get better. Life will improve, and even when it’s difficult or hard or stressful or lonely, it’s not the end. There’s a lot of people out there who suffer from very serious, very real problems, and many see no way out of it. It can be draining and scary. But it does truly get better, with some time and effort, you can make a life for yourself. It’s unfair, yes, but if you just work at things, one day you’ll be able to look back on you life and wonder why you ever even worried. I think this arc was kind of like a really really depressing way of saying- “Hey. It’ll be alright. Just stick with it. It’ll pay off, your hard work and effort will be rewarded,” which is both sweet and touching. If this was truly the author’s intentions, I have to give him kudos, since I think that’s a good message to give people.

To relate this to my own life, me and my own Girlfriend argue sometimes. Occasionally the topic of breaking up will come up, but we never do. She always puts it best saying; “I won’t break up with you because that’s a permanent decision. This argument isn’t, we’ll move on and forget about it at some point.” And I think that applies perfectly with this entire arc.

Kabukimonogatari was another fanatastic arc in an amazing series, and I’m just glad I got to experience it and share it with you guys. If you take anything away from this arc, just remember, no matter where you are in life, one day it’ll get better.

Thank you so much for reading this, if you made it this far, maybe consider sharing this with someone. Next up I’ll be doing some stuff for the Fate franchise, as well as more Monogatari character stuff, don’t forget more Bleach posts too, So keep your eyes peeled.

Take Care of Eachother, Saki~

[destroyyourbinder]

stumbling blocks

This is why I can't uncritically believe that gender transition is good, that gender transition is justified, even if some people who have done it are satisfied with their decision. It is because to believe it is good or justified is to believe this.

There is a special class of female people who cannot thrive so long as they leave their body parts intact and unmodified, so long as they do not conceal from others that they have them. These people cannot live their best lives, or perhaps even tolerable lives, unless they undergo medical intervention to make various aspects of their bodies imitate various aspects of male bodies and unless other people studiously ignore or never know that they are female. This fact about this special class of female people has absolutely nothing to do with how female people are generally treated-- as subordinates, as sexual objects, as lacking full personhood legally and socially-- but instead comes from somewhere else entirely. If conditions improved so that no girl grew up scared of men raping or killing her, if conditions improved such that a girl did not grow up feeling like she would have to fight the weight of human history to achieve anything at all, if conditions improved so that female puberty did not mean the death of a woman's participation in her own potential, then there would still be a class of female people who wished to become like men and live like men, and who would feel horror at their own bodies insofar as they still were distinguishable, somehow and somewhere, from the body of someone male. In a world with no men there would still be a class of female people with inchoate longings for their breasts to disappear and something else, maybe incomprehensible in this female-only world, to happen to their genitals. Perhaps you could say that in a major city's hospital delivery ward today there will be a few infant girls who will be destined to be miserable, someday, so long as they cannot get a surgeon to slice open their bodies so that they and everyone they know can never be reminded again of the femaleness of their own flesh. Perhaps we can call this fact about this special class of females an illness, even though there is no other illness like this. There is no other illness that we say is synonymous with a desire, where the cure and the fulfillment are the same.

I truly can't believe that there is such a condition, that it is inevitable there are these such not-women, and they ought to be made more perfectly-not through scalpels and syringes. I can't believe that there are women who are essentially, necessarily limited by their womanhood, even a womanhood understood and lived without misogyny whatsoever. I can't believe that any woman's ideal and most meaningful life could depend fundamentally on rearranging her body and erasing herself as a woman in public view.

Are there happy trans men? I'm sure. Are they happy because they transitioned? Who knows. People incorporate all sorts of things into their growth and life stories, including those things deeply traumatic and those that never should have happened. Trans people often present themselves as infinitely fragile, but like all people, they are more resilient than they give themselves credit for. So I have to ask, given that there are those who have transitioned or had transgender-related interventions who are now happy, who claim they could not have even survived otherwise: if they would have failed to survive, what would have killed them?

Gender dysphoric people often cite the lives of older transsexuals and the most marginalized gender non-conforming people in order to give voice to their fears that their lives will be intolerable, dangerous, perhaps deadly, if they are not converted into the other sex or some reasonable facsimile. But inner identity turmoil did not kill these people: it was HIV/AIDS, gay bashing, violent johns, police brutality, medical neglect, alcoholism and drug abuse, domestic violence. These things are the result of discrimination, marginalization, misogyny, homophobia, institutional violence: all social and environmental factors. Transition is supposedly justified by something else entirely; as trans people remind us, not all of those beaten by their fathers or the cops or their husbands or their pimps end up wanting to be a different sex.

So then we cite those who died by suicide because they could not survive themselves. This is often the crux of the whole thing: it is justification for the utmost urgency of gender treatment and justification for the most radical forms of medical intervention, such as genital surgery and the transition of children. Transition may still be compelling for those who understand that they are trying to hide from the cruelties of the world, but it becomes a much sadder journey, one traversed with grief and depleted of personal validation. For those who believe or fear that the existence of their own bodies as they are will force their hand against themselves, it must seem liberating to be freed from this bizarre kind of danger: the danger that their body demands its own destruction should it fail to comply with the desires of its animating force.

What is this desire or need to be male and seen as male at the potential cost of one's life? Why would a female person hold both the desire to be male and the desire to die so long as being male is not realized? It seems reckless for medical professionals to treat such distress, a perverse threat against oneself, with something that purports to ease the threat by making the body comply. One should not make a policy of caving to a dictator, even if the dictator is yourself, and even it is you that gets to make your own demands. Because the question is the same as with all such narcissists: what if the body ceases to comply, what if the demands for compliance change, what if it's never enough?

I could manage to tolerate-- barely-- my own breasts so long as they were small, but in my early twenties they ballooned, and I wanted to die. I truly, deeply wanted to die. And then my scope broadened and broadened until I found myself staring at my toes in flip flops, next to the hairy and knobbly toes of my male friend J., and I thought the subcutaneous fat on my feet was an excellent reason to declare the end of all hope and go home to a furtive fistful of Benadryl and Tramadol and Valium and Vicodin, washed down with brandless 'tussin from the back of the fridge. Nobody noticed I was all fucked up, in and out of sleep for a couple days; I spent months of my life like this, often triggered by the most humiliating (then and now-- for different reasons) bullshit: the length of my palms, peach fuzz, the diameter of my areolas, the wear patterns of my jeans, a single "ma'am". Gender dysphoria is peculiar; it is both self-avoidance and self-holding one self-hostage. It's the pattern of many self-harming, self-dramatizing practices; there's a reason many trans men have eating disorders or are cutters.

Transmedicalists might stop me here to fret about framing gender dysphoria in terms of these mechanisms. But absolutely none of this follows the pattern of a neurological disorder. Who truly has a phantom beard or phantom lack-of-thigh-fat? What person unable to recognize the left side of their body as their own is ragingly envious of exactly half of everyone they meet? Nobody with neuropathy of their feet rigidly pretends they do not have them in public. And please tell me where "Ms." and "Mr." are represented in the body map.

When we revisit the question above, why hold both the desire to be male and the desire to die so long as one is not male, this all looks tremendously stupid. Female trans people have tied themselves to a chair and seem to be holding the end of the rope: why not just let go of the whole thing and be freed? And indeed, this is what many transphobes note and thereby ask of trans people. Just shut the fuck up, stop being so sensitive, just accept yourself already, you're never going to be really the other sex, quit whining about facts and threatening us over reality, go ahead and kill yourself and see if we care. So the trans solution to justifying themselves in the face of invalidating, insensitive-to-cruel questioning of dysphoria-logic is to locate the desire to be the other sex outside of their realm of responsibility. See, I was tied to the chair since I was born, and I really can't reach the knots! I have been cursed with this desire to be male and cannot be rid of it, so the only thing that can be done is to be rid of what conflicts with this desire.

What rid me of the majority of my dysphoria was not desperately trying to reach the knots. I could not "just accept myself". I did not "learn to love my body". I remained "too sensitive" no matter what I tried. The ironic key to dissolving my gender dysphoria was telling the transphobes that they were wrong. Not about biological sex or its permanence, about pronoun usage or whether trans women were real women and trans men real men, but about the fact that gender dysphoria was unjustified, stupid, a gratuitous sign of privilege, a plaything for the bored or a figment of psychosis.

I was not crazy: being female was truly bad. I was not delusional or dumb: I was channeling directly the history of women's existential despair. I was not a spoiled brat: I had suffered enough and did not want to suffer anymore.

When my dysphoria became justified it finally became within my reach, and slowly, slowly, I picked apart many thousands of twists and ties.

Was I responsible for my own dysphoria? In many ways, no. I think this is the tremendous fear of most trans people, and female ones in particular. If they take responsibility for healing their dysphoria they are supposedly responsible for its genesis, and this is unbearable. This phenomenon, more than any other, is what tells me gender dysphoria is not neurological, not inborn, not the ensoulment of a man in a woman's body, not just "identity" and its affirmation. It would not be unbearable to be saddled with causing your own distress at being female unless you really felt somewhere that your distress was for good reason and caused by factors outside your control.

I really didn't need to be responsible for it through and through to take enough responsibility to guide my way out. Maybe my head is truly predisposed in some way to have trouble with existing in a sack of meat or to set me in these stupid traps, but in a world where women were truly safe and free, I don't think I would have fallen into this one. I got to the point where I did not need to believe my dysphoria was inevitable or innate, a disease or disability or problem with my brain, to believe that it was ok for my feelings of rage and hopelessness to be channeled in that way. I did not need to prove those who challenged me wrong by proving that erasing myself would fix my lot, dammit. I could use my agency instead to tell them to fuck off. I could learn I had the right to validate my own self rather than to bounce in devastating insecurity between the opinions of Supporters and Enemies. And gradually and almost without realizing it, I found that it was not my body that was the problem, it was not my rejection of my body that was the problem, it was what my body meant, what my body supposedly allowed others to do to me, that I was not meaningfully allowed to object to any of this, and that there was a question in society about whether or not there was a me at all alongside the body. My dysphoria had gone inside out, gone color-inverted, I found old angry girl-child change in the upturned pockets of pants I didn't know I was still wearing.

My stumbling block is that I can't believe transition is more justified than a girl looking at her lot and saying: this is a bunch of fucking shit, peace out of this body, peace out of this world. I don't usually use such language, but here I am. My stumbling block is that I can't believe this girl needs her tits cut off more than she needs someone to tell her: I know. My stumbling block will always be that I don't believe the best use of an angry and desperate girl's crushed-but-surviving autonomy is for decision-making about which cosmetic surgery she'll get. My stumbling block will always be the part of me that sees above, the part that sees the twins of my own grief at seeing my body and sees my girlfriend's grief at seeing her scars.

And so a woman is never ruined, wasted, an idiot, ugly, crazy, a freak for choosing hormones or surgery. She is making a bargain. Informed consent goes far beyond understanding the medical consequences of injecting testosterone, of removing breast tissue or the uterus and ovaries; informed consent means understanding the terms of the bargain, that one is making a bargain at all. So long as we frame transition as surviving oneself, whether for reasons of treating a medical condition or simply tolerating the unfortunate condition of not-being-male, we cannot hope to approach informed decision-making for anything about transitioning genders. (How do the medical professions deal with approving the reasonableness of a patriarchal bargain? There is a reason I don't believe they should.)

And so long as critics of transition-- whether conservative or "compassionate" gender critical feminists-- frame the women and girls who are attracted to it as delusional, stupid, spoiled weirdos they will drive both the desire and inability to take responsibility for healing it even deeper. My challenge to you if you fall in this camp is to think harder about your own bargains. If you're straight or bi you've made more of them than any angry asshole with a dirt-stache and blue hair you could possibly meet on Tumblr. If you're a lesbian you've made more than you'll probably want to dig out. It was lesbian collective inability to see their own bargain-making that convinced me I was trans and not just an unfeminine and angry dyke: I wasn't bold, brave, full of pride, always knowing who I was, with every decision I made, including those about the shape and color of my shirts and the branding of my personal care products, always being an authentic expression of who I was meant to be. I mean, if I had to deny my entire life-context to discover what desires were deep inside me beyond my responsibility I hoped they were bigger and grander than wearing flannel and talking about my rubber dick.

Honesty could have only helped me realize that women have it shit and lesbians have it real shit, and we all have to figure out how to deal with it in the end in a way that doesn't keep us up all night. So: what do you have yet to be honest about? How are you dealing with this whole raw deal, anyway? What keeps you up all night, and what have you put to bed, and what's lurking underneath?

My final stumbling block is this: I think telling other women these things is more important than letting us all keep it inside, to our own little private selves, imagining we're surviving so long as we don't reveal exactly how. I think telling other women these things is more important than telling them they can go to some guy with a knife who will take care of it all. Your decision, though.

[thepelagoislands]

Fable Festival (Arcadia) || January 17th - 25th, 2020

It’s time for the celebration of myths, fables, and legends. It’s the Fable Festival, a special celebration in the middle of Arcadia Island with a focus on books and tradition. Right in front of the town hall is a special area that has been warmed by magic, making it comfortable to stay out and enjoy the outdoors even in the dead of winter. And in this warm area are countless bookshelves lined up for a nice open-air library for the entire island to enjoy for the day!

Of course, the open-air library isn’t the main attraction of the Fable Festival. The true festivities begin with the Role Card Game, a special game that involves regular residents being assigned roles to play during the festival, and they’re tasked with acting as true to their role as they can. Near the end of the day, all residents vote on who stays the truest to their role during the festival, and the winner receives a prize!

Along with the open-air library and the Role Card Game, there will also be a bazaar held along the edge of the warm area. Be sure to bring your best wares to sell to residents!

Bazaar

During the Fable Festival, there will be a large bazaar where anyone is open to selling their wares. Anyone may reserve a space to sell their wares. The only stipulation is that you must not have more than 25 items in stock! Just what you want to do with your stock is completely up to you! For example, you can sell 15 roses and 10 books and you’re good to go for your booth! Or you could even just sell 25 kisses on the cheek if you’re so inclined :wonk:.

Bazaar booths can only be purchased from when the festival officially begins on January 17th.

When you have created your bazaar booth, post it to Tumblr and link the post on a corresponding Discord chat in the OOC server.

Role Card Game

The Role Card Game is a game where, before the festival begins, your muse will receive a role they are to act out during the entire festival! Your muse must attempt to stay in character for the entire festival and show dedication to their acting, as much as they possibly can. Near the end of the festival, a poll will be posted for everyone to vote on who they thought brought the best performance of the festival, and the winner will receive a prize!

In order to sign-up for the Role Card Game, you just need to send a message to the main before January 16th at 10:30pm EST. Soon after, roles will be randomly assigned out of the list below! Everyone will be able to get a role, and new roles will be added the more people join in, so if you want a swing at it, join right in!

An IC Chat will be available for the Role Card Game for the entire event! Good luck acting, y’all!

Current Participants:

Vaughn

Rachel

Neil

Violet

Selphy

Klaus

Muffy

Tina

Popuri

Lily

Alex

Porcoline

Leia

Pandora

Iluka

Alicia

Pia

Clorica

Agate

Julia

Kai

Danny

Mist

Current Roles:

The King (Muffy): A completely bumbling idiot who barely even knows what’s going on in his own kingdom. Tends to believe anything that he is told, no matter how absurd. Extremely in love with The Queen.

The Queen (Vaughn): Currently plotting to overthrow The King and will do anything to achieve this goal. Is in love with The Blue Knight.

The Red Knight (Neil): An extremely dedicated knight who will follow the orders of any noble or royalty around. Seems to be dutiful to a fault. 

The Blue Knight (Agate): Lied on their resume and really isn’t fit to be a knight, but is trying their best. Their best just really isn’t good enough. Seems to admire The Red Knight.

The Prince (Selphy): A spoiled brat of a noble who enjoys calling the guards on anyone who even looks at him the wrong way. Has a habit of sending the common folk to jail. 

The Princess (Julia): Ran away from home months ago and is currently in hiding from the nobility, the knights, and anyone who may recognize her. Is only hanging around to get the attention of The Stable Boy.

The Aristocrat (Porcoline): A rich idiot who loves squandering his money on just about anything. He has probably asked what color the pink panther is, which is strangely endearing. Infatuated with The Hunter.

The Aristocrat? (Iluka): A member of a noble family from a faraway kingdom. Is actually a peasant girl trying to marry rich and doesn’t know what all of these royal traditions or mannerisms are. She tries so hard.

The Royal Jester (Lily): Tasked with entertaining the royal family. Loves making just about anyone smile. Is especially in love with the Blue Knight.

The Stable Boy (Klaus): Just a boy who loves taking care of his horses. And will do just about anything to protect and/or brag about his horses to the world. Does not see anything wrong with Horse Number Two...

Horse Number One (Danny): An actual horse. Neigh.

Horse Number Two (Clorica): Actually a man in a really bad horse costume, determined to sneak into the castle to steal some gold. However, he must not be discovered for the plan to work.

The Peasant (Tina): Just a peasant on the streets looking to make some coin to make it through the day. Is very clumsy, which lands them into some odd situations.

The Butler (Kai): A lazy butler to The King who will do anything to slack off and sleep somewhere cozy. 

The Maid (Leia): A maid who is overtly dedicated to her work, and will do just about anything you ask of her. She will get the job done no matter what! Hopelessly in love with The Princess.

The Fallen Noble (Alex): In a declining family and will do just about anything to marry rich. They will do just about anything to impress the nobility or royalty...

The Baguette Boy (Popuri): Just a boy prancing around with his baguette. He is desperate to share the gifts of bread and to sell all of the bread that he can. Come get this bread.

The Hunter (Violet): A hunter who is in town to sell furs. Is exceptionally handsome and constantly has people fawning over him. However, he is married to the forest. He is not interested in anything else.

The Town Crier (Pandora): Usually calls out the usual news. However, he’s lost his scroll. So now he has to make up the news on the spot.

The Fallen Aristocrat (Rachel): A member of a noble family who has been disgraced and has to live a peasant’s life. Still can’t tolerate peasant life. Is looking to marry The Aristocrat? to regain social status.

The Robin Hood (Alicia): She steals from the rich and gives to the poor. And also flirts with beautiful young women along the way.

The Lover (Mist): Seems to fall in love with someone new every hour or so, maybe even less. Has a lot of love to give, and can’t just contain it to one person.

The Singer (Pia): A street performer who specializes in singing. Unfortunately, has absolutely no sense of pitch and is tone-deaf.

[lachalaine]

#6 & 38 !

OC Ask Game

accepting! 

6. Who did your character look up to as a child?

Two people - I would say for sure would be her grandmother and her best friend Emilia. 

Her grandmother on her fathers side - the French Opera singer, and now wealthy matriarch, Mademoiselle Adelyn Marie Dulcet, would be one of them, because even though Jackie wasn’t really able to spend as much time with her as she’d have liked growing up, the few summers she did spend with her grandmère were some of the most influential for her. The head of the Dulcet family after all is certainly something else. Beautiful, graceful and intelligent, even at her older age - the woman has the aesthetic appeal of a swan with the sharp tongue of a saber toothed cat. She’s blunt and she’s petty, stern and yet outrageous, and Jackie learned a lot from her growing up, and was almost always at her tail - an awed little duckling waddling along after her utterly sophisticated grace. 

And even as a child, the respect she had for her was truly like nothing else, Jackie in her childlike views amazed at the sense of both reverence and fear that people would grant her grandmother at every turn. For she was admittedly harsh, yes. Judgmental, yes. A hard-ass, in every single sense of the word? Yes. And yet somehow, was she still fair despite it all. 

For Mlle. Adelyn was a most capable woman, blessed with both artistic talent and wit, who wielded her power and authority with all the regalia of a queen, and yet behind that unforgiving austerity was a lady who was wise enough to recognize others latent talents, fiercely pushing them in only the oddest of ways to see the extent of their potential, only to in the end, care of those of which she’d finally deemed worthy enough of being taken under her wing. For as brusque as her attitude could be - she was an enterprising woman all the same, always looking for others to achieve success; and nothing would best vouch for her then those who’d experienced it first hand. 

Her employed staff would be the first to sing of her praises, Jackie would be the second; for it was fact that Adelyn doted on no one else quite like she did that little girl. Whilst her employees were granted with wages high enough in which to live comfortably, enabling them to send their children to school, to live better lives so as to achieve further growths of opportunity; only for Jackie was she soft - supportive and protective, lenient and so easily delighted by nothing but her mere presence. She’d spoiled her, granted her with all that she could give her and more, and during the few gala’s of which she had the chance to attend did her grandmother put her on center stage, boasting about her every quality to anyone that would appear to listen – only for Jackie to inevitably feel the burden of the attention, and the worrying fear that she, in all her fumbling childlike awkwardness, would never be able to match up to it. 

In the end, Jackie was nothing but a little girl when she was exposed to all of that, and she didn’t have nearly enough time in her grandparents presence to get accustomed to it; not the tensions that ran within that type of high society environment, nor the actual language spoken within it. Still, she has fond memories of her grandmère, and although Jackie wasn’t ever quite able to follow in her graceful footsteps, the influence of her proud presence still remains. 

For every other trait that enables Jackie beyond that, I’d say Emilia plays a heavy part. For where with Adelyn was Jackie a child still coming into herself, with Emi was she a teenager forcefully repressed - at least until the blonde herself took active efforts to shove her out of that particular mindset. For with Emilia Thompson was Jackie granted the firsthand experience of being shown that sometimes, being a Bitch actually does — get shit done. 

Because Emilia, from the time Jackie first met her, wasn’t like anyone else. She was like Jackie, in a sense. Odd, it’d seemed, in her own multi-cultural way, made to feel like an outsider by those who couldn’t seem to understand them. Only Emilia actually reveled in her own uniqueness, was damn fucking loud about it and didn’t give two shits if anyone thought her weird because of it. She was bold and she was brave, not afraid to call things out for what it was, not afraid to break the status quo. For where others hid behind their subtly acidic barbs, she said it straight to their face; and in response and shame did they turn on their heels and run the other way. 

Emilia made up her own narrative, even way back then, not allowing anyone to force her into one, and Jackie’s been in awe of her ever since. 

And to a certain extent, I feel like that’s why Jackie got along with her so well; even though Emi wasn’t necessarily the greatest person to be around sometimes. Emilia really only merely carried on what Adelyn had already started, only Emi employed it in a far cruder manner. Honestly, the main reason Jackie didn’t follow along with her more meaner traits was because she was well aware of what it was like to be bullied and hurt, and she had acquired a softer heart in response to that. In the end, they’d acquired a sense of co-existence. Emilia would be the Bad Cop, Jackie the Good Cop. Where Emilia would lash out, Jackie would grow to be her restraint. Emilia taught Jackie how to speak up and fight for her rights, Jackie taught Emi how to be a little more forgiving and a little less of an absolute brat. 

Sisters to no end. Until the time came when they had to go their separate ways, and they had to channel the best that they’d learned from each other so they could survive the rest of their days. 

In the end, it was both these women had taught her that strength, boldness and a fierce personality weren’t traits that were in any way shape or form bad. It was these women that taught her to stand up for herself, to speak up and shape her life in the way she’d wanted it to be, and to be as unabashedly, uniquely and bluntly herself as much as she possibly could. To accept it, and grow into it, to wield her own strength with as much fierceness and ferocity that she could muster; so that eventually she would never have to hide behind anything or anyone any longer. And it took her a while to grow completely into that, very wibbly wobbly, in and out as the anxiety and fear caught up to her - but it took root within her eventually, and has stayed with her ever since. 

38. Does your character worry about breaking the rules and getting in trouble?

Nope, not at all. In fact, I’d say she quite practically lives on the thrill of it – not that she really actively means to tho, tbh. She’s actually rather thoughtless in that sense, because she doesn’t seem to think about things being against the law when she does them. She just – suddenly has an unusually odd desire, has a sudden means to pro-actively achieve said desire, and then without further ado - is she off! 

Off entering restricted areas to explore, off climbing up tall and derelict old buildings to see the sun rise, off pressing the large red button with a label that very prominently says “DO NOT TOUCH!!!” — quite honestly, and in the absolute worst of ways, you’ll find that if the urge ever hits her for one reason or another, she will be there, no questions asked. And if in the process she has to break a few rules along the way to do it, then it’s fine, y’know? It’s all totally, totally, absolutely hecking fine. Because in her head, she’ll just deal with that problem later on – at least, if she gets caught. 

Because for all that she doesn’t care for the actual law in that very moment, she certainly takes it into very deep consideration when she has to eventually think about how to utilize her ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card.

Otherwise, I’d say it’s a pretty normal thing to see her leaving a string of chaos and mayhem nearly everywhere she goes, whichever verse you find her in. She’s gotten herself barred from malls, thrown out on the streets by security, found herself in jail at least once or twice a month ( it used to be far more often ) and she’s gotten just a little bit too cozy with the cops that are usually called in to arrest her - enough that she has a reputation, and enough that she can somehow sometimes wheedle her way out of a jail sentence, if she turns on the charm just right. 

Of course, it doesn’t always work, but she’s annoying enough to actually have in said jail cell that they otherwise aim to throw her out as soon as possible anyway. 

She monologues to them even if they ignore her, she bangs pencils like a drummer on the cell doors, and she constantly tries to steal the keys hanging on the walls. The only reason she hasn’t been thrown in for longer periods at a time is because her apparent ‘crimes’ aren’t serious enough to imprison her completely. She’s nothing but a public menace to most of the police force, apparently, and she likes to keep her record that way. 

In any case, even if they don’t mean to do they all seem to have a bit of an unnaturally soft spot for her anyway, weirdly enough.

// @wintresia