#she's so smart the hunger games is so beautiful it's so fucking REAL

[zzukohere]

in case you wanted to know i sobbed 6 times watching catching fire, i think i need to go to bed (but also i can't believe 13 yrs old me disliked this franchise bc it was "too popular" girl stfu and go learn about anti-fascism)

[semimedieval]

a core edit that it’s necessary to make to aote is changing the vibe of “spark and quartz were so stupid to dump each other” to “spark and quartz were actually really smart to dump each other.” transforming something that has to happen for canon adherence and for chris to exist into something that happens organically.

quartz:

- wants to go to college, wants to have not lived in just one place all her life, wants to have her cake (the extranei are a perfect found family living together forever) and eat it too (she hasn’t lived in just one place. she hasn’t fucked just one person)

- knows spark and knows that she has wanted children and a family for as long as quartz has known her. knows indikum can stomach Two Women Living Alone And Not Being Anyone’s Business but not two women formally being married, not two women raising a child who isn’t one of their biological kids (miyong haunts this part of the narrative a lot. remember when quartz and spark tried to coparent and the kid got taken away from them, even though she didn’t want to go? REALLY emphasize the Elgeebeetee Allegories of that story, i think)

- also, even though quartz knows that they as extranei have lots of resources and cultural capital and could work out having a kid, could even work out surrogacy maybe (even though she knows spark would be the one Having the kid and the idea of spark having sex with some guy - and let’s face it, part of quartz instantly knows some guy would be tozi - perhaps multiple times is just not fun for her), quartz is not sure she ever, ever wants to deal with kids in a capacity other than “cool aunt”

spark:

- senses quartz’s readiness to dump her and leave and frame it as a self-sacrificial “you deserve a real happy ending. you deserve a REAL family.” resents quartz for this - is likely in her head to frame it as “quartz is making it about me when it’s about her wanting to go to college and sail away across the sea and escape everything” - but even moreso resents quartz for the fact that quartz is right, spark does want children, spark does kind of want an uncomplicated love she can shout about to the heavens

- senses quartz’s resentments of her that quartz thinks spark doesn’t see. for being very beautiful, very publicly heroic, for “being able to have tozi any time she wants” while quartz only has spark, and for wanting to take care of quartz while all quartz wants (at the mature and knowledgeable age of 18) is to be thought of as beautiful and admirable and smart.

- eventually, her marriage to tozi IS born of sincere, deep love for him - spark, unlike quartz, could never date short-term, could never date someone who isn’t an extranei, which means tozi is really the only person left for her - but her Wedding to tozi, the Big Public Event of it, is as much a political event in the style of katniss and peeta having to be really in love at the end of hunger games the first one

[meher-sumedha]

Okay so I have a few

1. Drunk az mistakenly confesses his feeling for Gwyn in front of everyone.

2. Gwyn and az making bracelets together.

3. Gwynriel’s first official date.

4. Az and Gwyn on a spy mission together.

Okay so I'll write the first one first cause I really really like it and really want to write it. Also, this is my first time writing like smut, smut so. FORGIVE ME. As you know - 2 am. my mental health is fucked. Anyways ENJOY!

Gwynriel Headcanon : Gwyn's Little Crush

(I know just trust me on this)

Gwyn and Azriel had been dating since a year now. And last month only the mating bond had snapped for Azriel. It had made Gwyn's life shit.

As much as she wanted to be with him, the mating bond had made their lives shit. Like really shitty. They couldn't leave their room without Azriel killing someone.

After one week Azriel had convinced Gwyn that he was okay and was gonna behave. He did not. They had gone to a restaurant in Velaris, as a dinner date.

He almost killed the waiter because he looked at Gwyn when he gave her her dish. On their way back home he kept telling Gwyn he was okay.

"I swear to god Gwyn, I'm fine."

"Az you almost killed the waiter"

.... "Well I controlled myself in front of the receptionist"

"YOU ALMOST TOOK OUT HIS EYES!"

"HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU"

"HE ASKED ME IF I WAS FINE!"

"WELL, I, I"

"WEL!????"

Azriel was silent after that, he knew Gwyn was right but wasn't able to spend any time with her. He was like a freakin dog. That couldn't behave.

When they kept walking and Azriel didn't respond, Gwyn stopped in the middle of the road and came in front of Azriel. She took his face in her hands, and pulled it so close that their foreheads were touching.

His hands instinctively wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry" Whispered Azriel, his shadows thickening around them.

"Az, I love you with all my heart" And then let out a small chuckle, "but we can't risk you going and killing people". This made Azriel smile, everything she did made him smile.

Azriel then said, "I think we should wait before I get out of my room again" And chuckled. So did Gwyn.

"I agree" She said and smiled. But then Azriel pulled his head away and pulled Gwyn closer to him, so she was now looking up to him. He frowned and said, "But then how-how would we spend time together without anyone knowing?"

Gwyn rested her head against his chest. Trying to listen to his heartbeat to calm her own. Trying to figure out a solution. And then it hit her.

"Well, uhmm, I-I could move in with you if-if you like cause you know we've already done the deed and, and I already sleep in your room like three nights of the week and I-" Babbling. Azriel realized Gwyn was babbling.

So, he stopped her before she could panic more, "I'd love that" He said. And Gwyn stopped. Smiling against his chest.

"How does it feel" She asked. "How does what feel?", she then looked up to him and said with a cheeky voice, "How does it feel to be in the presence of your mate". Azriel pulled her even closer, and told her, "It feels like, like, I-I don't know how to explain it".

Gwyn chuckled and said, "Well you never were to one for words" And stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the nose. A small, simple gesture that still made Azriel's heart leap. But then Azriel looked at her with such intensity that Gwyn couldn't help but stand normally, grab the collar of his shirt and smash her lips onto his.

Azriel chuckled into the kiss and winnowed them, to his apartment. His apartment, their apartment.

When they arrived, Gwyn broke the kiss and asked, "Where are we?" And started to look around the room. The simple room with a black cupboard and a black desk. With a brown bread.

And when she started to walk away, Azriel pulled her back into his embrace and just stared at her. Imprinting her beauty to his mind, not that he could ever compare it with the real deal.

When he did stuff like that, he could see that Gwyn became as red as a tomato. But usually it ended with cuddles in bed. Right now, Gwyn grabbed his collar and smashed her lips onto his, she then slipped her hands under his waist band.

Azriel then let out a thirst groan. In one smooth movement Gwyn slipped her hands out and took off his shirt, breaking their kiss for a millisecond. And then smashing her lips again. This time, she slammed Azriel into the wall with that powerful of a kiss.

Hunger, desire, all was shining through the bond for Azriel. He had sensed her scent change the moment they arrived. All was left of the scent of flowers and lillies, was arousal and arousal only. But Azriel couldn't loose his self control. Cause he knew if he did, he could hurt her.

So as much control as he could muster, he picked Gwyn up, his hands under her hips and took her to the bed and laid her down with utter gentleness. He FUCKING tried, tried to control himself but she just wasn't fucking giving up.

So Azriel thought, fuck it, she wants it rough, fine. I can give her rough. When Azriel's hand slipped under her leggings, Gwyn smirked into the kiss. She knew, she knew Azriel would loose his control and she knew what she did to him. Yet she didn't stop, still testing his limits.

Before today, Azriel had made love to her, but-but today, he was gonna fuck her. He was gonna ride her until she couldn't stop screaming his name.

So he did, all night. All night they tested each other. All night seeing who would break first. It was mostly Azriel. And that night, Azriel discovered, that if he wanted her undone, he was gonna have to do a lot more than just thrust into her with his long length. Gods, he loved it. Loved the rush, the pleasure. So he did, he took it as a challenge, and as Azriel didn't like loosing, he soon got a hold of her tell. Of what got her undone.

But, he only used it in extreme times, when she wouldn't break. For he would never want her to know his strategy.

Even though it was a game, it wasn't at the same time. As much as Azriel loved the sex, he loved the little cuddles, the silent training, the talks they had after one had a nightmare, the simple walks alongside the sidra, the flying with Gwyn screaming in his ear, the sleepovers, the getting drunk. He loved her, and every single fucking thing about her. He loved it.

And today, after a month of isolation, Azriel was finally gonna meet his brothers. He hoped that he had some control over himself, and that he doesn't fuck this up and ends up killing everyone.

They were at the house of wind, where Nesta and Cassian were hosting the dinner. They had just had dinner and a few drinks and were sitting on sofas. Gwyn was playing with Nyx on the floor as she was the only one who was not drunk.

"Gwyn" Said Cassian. "Mhmm", "Gwyn", "Mhmm", "GWYN", "WHAT". This had become their new routine, Rhysand pesturing Gwyn and Gwyn being annoyed. As much as Gwyn pretended she hated it, she actually loved it.

Gwyn then looked back to her high lord, who had Feyre resting her head on his shoulders. "I heard you have a crush" And as soon as he said that, Azriel's eyes shot up from beside Gwyn. Gwyn then put her hand on Azriel's thigh, he was sitting cross legged with Gwyn, which made him calm down.

"You told him?" Gwyn asked Nesta, angered slightly laced in her voice. Nesta shot her hands up in surrender position, "I swear to god I didn't" But then her gaze fell away from Gwyn. And when Gwyn followed that Gaze, she saw her eyes were on a smirking Cassian.

Gwyn took the pillow that was with her and threw it at Cassian's face, which made all of them chuckle. It erased the smirk he had on his face, but not for long. "Fork you" Gwyn muttered and Azriel raised his eyebrows. "A kid's here, I'm not gonna be the one to teach him bad language, you all already do enough of that" And it brought out a laugh in all of them which even made Gwyn smile a bit. . (Nesta, Cassian, Feyre, Rhysand, Azriel (emorie is currently, well somewhere and elucien is on a honeymoon in the day court)).

"Anyways" Said rhysand and he continued, "we thought it might have been a good idea to invite him". Azriel was getting impatient, so he asked, "Who the hell is he?".

And then suddenly, fucking suddenly, Stefan Salvatore walked into that room.

Everyone knew him. I mean who didn't? He was a legend. The only one of his kind. Stories were written about him, the only fae, who was also a vampire.

"Hello love" He said and Gwyn's cheeks reddened. He was hot, hot hot. And suddenly Gwyn's little fangirl was awakened. She wanted to ask him so many questions, did he really drink blood? Did he drink people's blood?

"Hi," Gwyn said and he came closer to her, gods, he was so tall, probably an inch taller than Azriel.

"“You don't know what it's like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life.”

Gwyn was speechlees. She clumsily stood up and she could've sworn she heard Nesta chuckle. These lines, these lines were Gwyn's favorite when she was a teen. In her room in sangravah, she had these lines written on her walls, so many of them.

For a moment, Gwyn had forgotten Azriel was there, and that was her first mistake. It didn't take Azriel even two seconds to get up and take stefan flying out of the balcony. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" Gwyn muttered to herself.

"What's wrong Gwynnie?" Cassian asked cheekily. "Yeah, is something wrong Gwynnie?" Rhysand joined. "FUCKING DO SOMETHING! HE'S GONNA KILL HIM". "Oh why o why would Azriel do that" Nesta asked.

"NES! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE", And Nesta chuckled. Azriel then flew in while slamming stefan to the ground, stefan was trying to fight but he was failing. Gwyn was smart enough not to go in between them.

After 15 mins of thrashing stefan, Azriel stopped, and said, "You fucking even look at my mate like that, I will fucking kill you, and I swear on my life, that it will not be an easy death."

He then got up and walked towards Gwyn, all of them were trying to contain their laughter but even they were speechless, of course they were, they knew about them but they didn't know that they were mates. Gwyn was well speechless.

She was just gonna start his rant about how he shouldn't have done those things but then Azriel took her hand and said, "I'm sorry" And then Gwyn didn't know what to do. She had prepared a whole speech on how he shouldn't do such shit and now, now she was speechless.

Rhysand then broke the silence, "So... Mates huh?" .

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

 Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol.  So.  To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.  

First things first.  I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry.  I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.  

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.  

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride.  Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.  

Cole!  Dude!  We hardly knew ya.  

Not gonna lie.  That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen.  It says--”Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”  

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team.  These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far.  They really hook you in right away.  At least IMHO.  

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?  

Okay.  Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever.  Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.  

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other.  It really speaks to each woman’s heart.  Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.  

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their  hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong.  But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses.  You know.  Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).  

Aaron, Man.  Or maybe I should say Angela.   You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that.  RIP, Buttons.  You deserved better.  I’m still traumatized.  

Look at all the babies bonding.  Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.  

“My mom always comes back.”  She damn well better.  Those babies need her.  Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.  

Anyway.  Poor RJ.  He barely ever gets any lines, lol.  

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.  

So.  Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what?  Hmm.  

You know.  Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol.  Any building.  

So much darkness so far this season.  I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains.  I just know it.  

Where are all those stairs leading?  Why am I thinking of Hitchcock?  Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies?  Probably.  

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight.  Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.  

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh?  Listen.  These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.  

All these horror movie tropes.  Some of them are cheesy, yes.  But I’m totally here for it.  

LMAO.  That’s it, Maggie.  A good old punch in the nuts works every time.  

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  

Negan is still Negan.  Self-serving and looking out for number one.  But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too.  He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond?  However thin?  Is there.  

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive.  This your plan, Angela?  

Rosita and Carol!  How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back?  Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken?  If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.  

How much do I love all the girls working together?  Gimps would never.  They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.  

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.  

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did.  Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting.  Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?  

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm?  No.  Seriously.  I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.  

“Really?  We’re just gonna go toward the screaming?  Cool.”  Hahaha.  You know.  Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan.  Just saying.  Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.  

Poor Duncan.  I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.  

WTF does this show have against horses?  Those poor creatures.  

Kelly is totally me right now.  I’d be freaking inconsolable.  

Carol needed that hug.  Thank you, Magna.  From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.  

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife.  Oh.  Yeah.  That’s exactly why.  

Oh snap!  Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not.  God isn’t here anymore.”  Cold as ice.  

Judas.  That the Reapers’ work.  Or.  Damn.  Either way, that’s harsh.  

Back to what Alden was saying.  All these oprhaned children.  Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies?  That poor kid has had a rough go of it.  Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.  

Omigosh.  There went Agatha.  Terrible way to go.  Right, Beatrice?  

I’m sobbing.  Carol with the horse.  That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison.  Melissa Mcbride?  When she cries, I cry.  Every effin’ time.  Aaron being there just made it hurt more.  But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.  

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation.  I get Magna’s reasoning too.  I do.  But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.  

Those babies know they’re eating horse.  I could never.  

That’s got to be a different Coco.  She’s even smaller.  But she’s gorgeous.  

Fucking finally.  Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them.  It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now.  It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons.  My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time.  So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.  

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna.  She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?  

Interesting place of refuge.  A gutted church.  A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?  

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it?  Being reckless with sombody’s life...”  Maggie.  Maggie.  Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.  

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back?  That is the question.  Or will he eventually Lucille himself?  

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there.  Like agree with her or not, Maggie  is literally left to rely  on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.  

Oh lawd.  Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for.  How excited am I not?  

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.  

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.  

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?  

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”  Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer.  Say it louder for those in the back.  Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.  

“There is love there.  There is respect there.  However, there’s also frustration...”  You damn skippy.  Friendships and human relationships are complex AF.  Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO.  That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.  

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.  

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time.  It’s a girl thing.  

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes?  Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe.  And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her.  Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Am I reaching too far, lol?  Because sometimes I do that.  

Anyway.  This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed.  I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall?  I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.  

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far.  I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that.  Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it.  My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not.  Also?  I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.  

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.  

Until next episode.  

[pardonmydelays]

i was tagged by @poptart-cat-78 (yaay! thank you again love ❤️). also, i got tagged by @ssherookk literally seconds before i post this, so now i can't tag you, please forgive me haha ❤️

list your ten favorite female fictional characters:

i. villanelle (killing eve), i just absolutely adore this cute psychopath (and her outfits).

ii. regina mills (once upon a time), a villain who got her happy ending.

iii. olivia moore (izombie), "i used to be passionate, inspired, alive... now i'm mostly just hungry", because same.

iv. katniss everdeen (the hunger games), my first girl crush ever, i wanted to be her when i was younger.

v. arya stark (game of thrones), a real badass.

vi. daenerys targaryen, (game of thrones, again.), i mean, she had three dragons. she was my queen *my tears ricochet playing in the background*.

vii. alyssa (the end of the fucking world), i feel so much like her sometimes.

viii. lemon breeland (hart of dixie), such a strong character from one of the best series of all times.

ix. beth harmon (the queen's gambit), i am totally in love with this smart, beautiful woman.

x. phoebe buffay (friends), the sweetest, kindest soul.

and i will tag: @youhauntallofmywhat-ifs, @stoplookingupforheaven, @stuffycrookshanks and @dorothca (how surprising!) ❤️

[inquisitoracorn]

Tevinter Nights reading squealing - Part the Third

Thedas is a lovely place full of things that want to eat you. 

Feelings about the subject below!

SPOILERS for Luck in the Gardens and Hunger

I’ve been waiting for this....

Part the First, Part the Second, Part the Fourth

Luck in the gardens

- It had better be fluff after I was emotionally wrecked in the last one

- Oh first person, that's a change

- Minrathous huh? Sign me the heck up!!!

- One paragraph of Minrathous and I wanna go there so badddddddd :(((((((((

- Oh a master of disguise yes please tell me more

- Dressed like paid servants, hmmmm?? HMMMM

- Why would a game of Wicked Grace have to be kept secret?

- Wow to set up this conversation like a hidden interrogation heck that's smart

- WOOP Venatori got mentioned here we go

- Oh a FORMER Venatori helloooooo gosh this book is so entertaining

- "We all know you didn't go south with the cult to fight the Inquisition. You wouldn't be here if you had" listen this whole world and set-up belongs to the amazing writers at Bioware, so how does it end up stroking my ego??

- Caves under Minrathous once again mentioned I'm telling you this will be important!!!!

- Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheheh

- MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S HERE TOO

- No I'm not smiling like an idiot while reading this bit why do you ask

- How much do Tevinter mages know about Dorian's involvement with the Inquisition I wonder, if the company can admit to having Venatori contacts

- Dawwww remember when Dorian was barred from the Inquisition wine stores by Josephine?? This is so goddamn sweet

- I love Dorian I missed him so much

- "Someone I met in the south changed my mind on the matter" I love him, your honour

- This whole dynamic is fascinating

- “Drawed” dawwwww

- “Softly rotten” oh god please tell me it's not another of the abominations like we've seen already PLEASE

- “Things are rising” hahh hm hngh fuck

- Minrathous is so bloody beautiful it just makes me more and more fearful that something bad will soon happen to it

- The Chekorax took a liking to them, I see.

- Wow the run through Minrathous feels like running through a city in Assassin's Creed after getting spotted

- MIZZY to the rescue!!!

- The map case being what gave them away Dorian what were you thinking :)))

- Hehehe I spotted a typo

- "I'll keep it even if you end up dying" Oh what reassurance Mizzy is so sweet 

- Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

- Huh not a typo, this story spells Qunari as Quanari and I want to know the reason

- Also nooooooo the pretty garden!! But small price to pay I think possibly :))))

- Wait a second where the hell did they get GAATLOK?????

- Oh that was one HELL of a story for a map case how insanely fun

- Mizzy was the real MVP

- This is my first encounter with Mae outside those two or three letters in Inquisition war table missions I have been WAITING and I was not disappointed

- I swear I could read books upon books of Mae and Dorian doing awesome things in Tevinter

Hunger

- What a cryptic beginning I aim to write like that some day

- More Grey Warden suffering golly I really wonder what will happen to them....

- "Are we late?" late for what??

- Ooohhh they're all going to Weisshaupt ofc! Not that there's many left..

- "that grinning lunatic" heh I already like him :))))

- Tempest? Artificer? Both?

- Oh a Grey Warden sunshine!!! Andraste watch over him 

- My god the Anderfels is a waste land, I wonder what it looked like before the blights

- I imagine a lot like Ferelden

- Tevinter Nights: Things That Aren't Darkspawn are Also Trying to Kill You in Case You Forgot

- Bandits held a whole village hostage until they realised no one cared oh my gosh is all the Anderfels this cheery??

- These two are the ultra positive hero trope in every anime but in the most cynical place in the world the contrast is quite astounding

- It's a large bear

- Oh no please let nothing happen to Antoine

- “Suitably heroic” YES that's the right word it's like a child's hero fairy tale against the cold dead reality

- Big possessed talking bear that doesn't eat its prey - hunger demon maybe?

- Underground again

- ........werewolves?? Are werewolves back?

- They are!

- Antoine is defeating this village with his pure implacable cheer

- Oh it's the noble - starving in the woods, bad way to go

- Ohhhh please tell me he wasn't bittennnn

- Daww Evka being a Grey(t) Warden mentor

- Yassssss a trap!!

- OH NO

- A SWEET ROLL??? I CAN'T BREATH-

- Listen it is very clear to me that the weapon was a cinnamon roll JUST LIKE ANTOINE

- NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

- “There's that done” ARE YOU KIDDING ME

- Oh the curse is gone is Antoine off the hook then???

- Oooffff demon still on the loose

- These two were so damn sweet it was surprisingly feel-good for how creepy it was

[jay-and-dean]

Jerk

Gif not mine, found on Google

Dean x Reader

This is my first AU, it’s a request from @thatgirl1456 : I hope you’ll like what I wrote.

Can you write a one shot where the reader and dean are in high school but they absolutely hate each other. But then Sam like ends up in the hospital cuz a accident and the reader was there and helped him. Dean reaches the hospital and sees her and some how they start to fighting. But somehow they end up together as a couple. (Reader is the captain of the varsity volleyball team and Dean is the quarterback for the football team) pleassseee and thankkk youuu😘😘😘🥰

Warnings : swearing (have you seen the title), angst, fluff.

Words : 4k

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

____________________________

MONDAY

             Look at this fucker.

           No really, look at him.

           He’s joking with the lunch lady, just trying to get what he wants, as usual, not because he needs something, just because he wants special treatment, just to have more, to be better than anyone once again... The lady is under his spell, laughing at his stupid joke ; that woman is usually sour, but as oh-so-charming-quarterback is talking to her, she smiles like an idiot. Jock.

This is how he works, seducing his way to get anything, or way out of anything. I despise this kind of guy, the kind that always had everything and doesn’t know what real life is. Like people only exist to serve them.

Watching him train when our teams are both outside is unbearable, my girls all drooling on him while he does everything he can for them to look at him... Stupid jerk.

I bet he’s rich too. I bet his parents throw huge parties each time he succeeds on something or do them a little favor or even poops, since he’s born. And I bet he thinks poverty is a type of music.

He doesn't even work in class, just jokes and flirts with every stupid girl in his sight ; he knows he can count on sport to save him. And it works...

The last few month are even worse, now he doesn't just ignores me, he picks on me,  implying I act like a spoiled child every time I open my mouth in class. He just doesn't know how hard I work...

I hate that guy.

His super bright smile and his perfect jaw, the way he walks like he owned the place, that cocky attitude, that fake kindness…

Fuck Dean Winchester.

“I don’t understand why you hate that guy so much” Laura says.

"Laura, you just find him attractive..." I grunt.

"Actually not only Y/n, he's kind, he's not a bully, he cares about his little brother... and, yes, he's very, like VERY attractive... Look at his butt" she sighs dreamingly, putting her chin in her hand. 

As she says that, my eyes catch his little brother entering shyly with a little paper bag. His hair falling on his face, like a mask, like he needed to hide. Not a bully... Yeah I'm not that sure. How can one brother look so miserable when the other acts like he owns the world. I'm sure that douche is awfully mean to his nerd little brother.

           The thing is I like his brother, he's a smart kid. I had the opportunity to hear him submit projects and read what he wrote for the High school's newspaper. He seems to be a good guy too, interested in international laws... He acts like he wants to save the world.

           The minutes Sam enters the room to eat alone as usual, Dean rushes toward him. I don't hear what he tells him but he seems pissed. He opens Sam's bag callously and rolls his eyes, then he half screams half whispers at his brother's face. When cute little Sam seems sad, I have enough and decide to step in.

"Hey, Dean, why don't you lay into someone your size for once ?" I say, stopping in front of him.

"That's none of your business, Y/n" he grunts.

And I see worry spread on Sam's face.

"I think it is. Why don't you let him eat alone ? I'm sure he has enough of your nastiness at home. I bet your parents don't see through this, but I do."

There it is : The true face of Dean Winchester. His green eyes darken and his jaw clench, every ounce of fake kindness has left his face.

"It's okay..." Sam tries but Dean makes him freeze just lifting his hand.

"Listen to me, bitch, what I say to my brother is none of your concern. So back off."

"Or what ?" I dare, my eyes glued to his, my body tense.

"Stop !" Sam stands up and takes his brother's arm to lead him outside.

"I'll keep an eye on you, Dean !" I shout.

"I bet you will, frustrated bitch !" He states loud.

Everyone is looking at us, even Laura seems to disapprove my words. Why is everyone so seduced by this asshole ?

 ***

TUESDAY

             The hall is empty. I take the opportunity to go talk to the Principal, I need him to agree on my proposition for the Volleyball Team, we can't afford loosing, not after such a perfect season, I'm so proud of the hard work my team accomplished... I walk with a smile on my face but when I turn in the hallway, I stop.

           Dean.

           He's sitting nonchalantly slumped on the chair facing the Principal's office, probably waiting for mommy and daddy to fix whatever mess he's made. When he sees me, he rolls his eyes in an exaggerated sigh.

"Are you here to denounce someone ?" he mocks.

"Are you here for hitting a 8 or 9th grade, jerk ?"

"Fuck you" he grunts.

I lean against the wall next to the Principal door. After a few minutes of waiting in an unbearable silence, the doors open and the Principal starts to talk. He doesn't see me.

"M. Winchester, I had your father on the phone, he says we need to use an exemplary severity with you..."

Dean looks up at me through his thick lashes, he seems angry, probably embarrassed that Mr. Grahams didn't see me. But there is something else in those eyes, something I've never seen, something weak or true, or both : shame.

"So you'll stay in detention after class everyday for two months" the Principal states and Dean's face turns pale.

"What ? No ! No no no please I can't I have..."

"Better things to do ?" Mr. Grahams cuts him. "I don't think so, it's the fifth assignment you don't do. For the last few month you barely show up in time in class... Next time maybe I will leave you without trainings for a few months.”

“No…Please” Dean looks down.

“Well you know what to do Mr. Winchester…”

Dean gets up and looks at me with dark eyes, then he leaves with his hands in his pockets.

           When Mr. Grahams finally notices me, his face changes, and a warm smile appears on his face.

"Ah, finally a student worth my time !" he states and I glance at Dean, slowly walking in the hallway.

I know he heard that. And I'm glad his little game doesn't work on the Principal... still, I have a feeling Dean might be hurt...

What are you thinking about Y/n ! Who cares ! The bully had it coming.

 ***

WEDNESDAY

           I sit on the stairs and take my notebook, it’s a little late and the Sun is already setting slowly but I need to work math a little, and take time alone to think about the next game. I didn’t tell Laura where I was because that’s one of those times when I want to be alone for a while and she always joins me.

           I like to stay outside a bit after class, my parents allow it because they know I always come back for diner. They know how much pressure I put on myself with the Team and all.

           After a few minutes, Sam Winchester sits on another stair and I can’t help but look at him from the corner of my eye. This boy is a mystery to me. What his he doing here so late ?

           I take a deep breath and close my book. I know I should leave him alone but I have to be sure he’s okay, and to apologize for embarrassing him monday in the cafeteria.

“Sam ?”

He turns his kind eyes toward me and frowns a little.

“Y/n…" I introduce myself even if we've seen each other a few times. "I’m… Do you remember me ?”

He nods.

“I’m sorry for the other day… I’m just… What are you doing alone ?”

He shrugs.

“Sam ? Is everything okay ?” I insist.

“Yes… I’m waiting for Dean…”

I clench my jaw, this fucker must have forgot him, or he doesn’t care and is fucking one of those brainless bitches.

“Why don’t you call your parents ?”

He lifts his head and his beautiful changing colors eyes drown in mine. He has this look I saw on his brother’s face, shame. He shrugs again.

“Do you want me to take you home ?” I ask.

“No, thank you. I have to wait for Dean, he will be worried sick if I don’t wait for him.”

“Worried huh ?”

His stomach rumbles, probably with hunger, and I bite my lip.

“Sammy ?” Dean’s voice interrupts us. “What are you doing here, bitch ?” he grunts.

"Making sure your brother doesn't spend the night alone !" I shout at his face.

"Come on Sammy, let's go home" he ignores me, and Sam gets up to follow him.

"That's it run away in your stupid car !" I states but he keeps ignoring me.

They both enter the black Chevy Impala that douche loves so much, probably more than his little brother. And Dean shows me his middle finger before he starts the engine.

           I hate that jerk.

 ***

FRIDAY

             A storm is raging. I won't be able to sit on the stairs today. Laura waves at me rushing out of the building, her bag above her head. I try to open my umbrella but the wind almost breaks it. So I run toward my car.

           I drive slow, the pouring rain makes it really difficult to see the road, and, with the heat, a thick mist forms inside the car. I didn't even turn the music on as I usually do.

           Suddenly, a car appears in the other side of the road out of nowhere, way too fast, and I hear a loud screech of tires. As I'm sure it will collide with me, I have the dangerous reflex to close my eyes for a second. Then nothing.

           I open my eyes and notice I'm shaking. I look at my hands, everything is normal. No impact, no pain, no blood. I breathe out loudly, exhaling all the air I had kept in my lungs.

           I turn my head and see the car almost fell into the ditch. Shit ! I open my door, still trembling from the intense fear, and walk toward it under the rain. A man comes out of it, he looks panicked.

"Are you okay ?" I shout to be heard over the storm's deafening sound.

The man looks shocked, looking nowhere in particular.

"Mister ?" I insist, looking inside of the car to check he was alone in it.

"The b-boy" he mutters.

"The boy ?" I ask loud, rain falling in my eyes. "What boy ?"

He points at the ditch and my eyes widen.

           Sam Winchester is laying here, his bag still firmly held in his hand.

"Oh God, I'm sorry" the man cries without moving at all.

I run toward Sam and my shaking hands don't dare to touch him. I know it can make things worse. I check his pulse and don't find it at first, but he moves.

"Dean..." he whines.

"I'll call him, don't... don't move Sam. It's Y/n, you remember me ?" I say pushing his hair out of his face. "Call 911 !" I yell at the man standing behind me.

           While he does, I look at Sam's body. I don't see blood but he looks so intensely in pain. I take his phone from his pocket to look for his parents number.

"J-jerk" Sam mutters.

I don't understand at first but then I see a number called Jerk in his phone. Of course... I call it but a voicemail starts before the phone even rang.

Hey it's Dean Winchester, leave me alone.

More than ever, his cocky attitude makes me want to hurt someone. I call three more times. Nothing.

"What are your parent's number Sam ?" I try but he coughs blood and I start to panic.

"Oh my God, stay with me Sam, I'm not leaving your side."

"I'm sorry" the man says behind me. "I-I... I didn't see..."

I really don't have time to deal with his guilt right now.

"What did they say ?" I groan.

"They're coming" he cries. "Listen, tell the boy I'm sorry..."

"What ?"

Before I can react the man enters his car and makes the wheels turn fast, then he leaves.

"What !" I start to shake. "Are you... Fucking serious..."

A hot tear runs down my cheek as I realize I'm alone with a maybe dying Sam, and I only notice it among the rain drops because it's burning.

"Okay, hey Sam stay with me okay ? I'm staying with you, just stay with me..."

 ***

             While the phone rings I notice blood on my hand. I walk in the hall, my legs still shaking.

"Hey sweetie, where are you ?" my mom answers.

"Mom, don't freak out, I'm at the hospital but I'm not hurt."

"What ? What happened ?"

"There is this guy, he got hit by a car and, I found him. I-I can't reach his family so I will stay here a little longer with him okay ? I promised I won't leave his side so..."

"Oh, Y/n you have such a good heart... Okay do you need dad or me to join you ? Is it bad ? Give me the boy's name, I'll try to reach his family."

"Thank you mom... It's Sam, Sam Winchester..."

"Is it Dean's brother ?" she asks with a worried tone and I frown.

"Y-yeah... why ? How do you know Dean ?"

She doesn't answer but repeats her question.

"Is it bad Y/n ?"

"I don't know, they took him for tests, but, he... he was coughing blood mom..."

"Oh God sweetie, I'm on my way..."

"No mom, it's okay, just, if you know Dean, try to reach him please..."

 ***

             I look down at Sam, he's asleep, but out of danger. I look at his phone and feel so sad, no one comes for him...

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER !" Dean suddenly yells entering the room.

He runs toward Sam and takes his face in his hands.

"What did I do ? I can't believe it !" I shake my head in disbelief and push his shoulder to make him face me. "Where were you huh ? Banging a slut ? Why was your brother walking on the side of the road under the rain ? Why didn't you answer your fucking phone ? Are you serious !"

"Fuck you bitch" he pushes me.

"Excuse me ?" I scream. "I'm the one who stayed with Sam while you were MIA !"

"Hey Sammy, I'm here..." he starts ignoring me again.

"Dean ! I'm talking to you ! Where are your parents ? Call them ! You're not good enough for your brother !" I say losing my calm.

He turn toward me and his eyes darken, he pushes me, almost making me fall.

"Oh you're going to hit me, asshole ?"

"Fuck you Y/n, just fuck you, let Sam and me be. Go back to your perfect life, to your perfect family and forget about Sam and me !"

"My perfect..." I start to grunt but something makes me stop.

He cries.

Dean Winchester is crying burning tears.

"Please, Y/n..." he pleads, suddenly weak. "Thank you for saving him okay ? Just... leave us now. Please..."

           His voice just broke my heart and while I wait outside of Sam's room I try to think. Who is Dean Winchester ? Why no parents showed up ?... Why do I feel the urge to hug this awful distress away ?

"Sweetie" my mom enters the corridor.

"Mom, I told you not to come" I say, hugging her.

"Well I had to drive Dean, I couldn't let him drive after I told him Sam was in the hospital, he would have put himself in danger..."

I turn to look at the room door.

"How do you know Dean ?" I dare.

"He started to work in the shop after school a few months ago. He's such a nice guy..."

"He works at the bookshop ? Every days ?" I ask, strangled.

"Yes" she states. "He works so hard..."

           After a few minutes, Dean walks out of the room and my mom rushes toward him.

"Did he woke up ?" she asks, putting a kind hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, he told me to go home" he smiles sadly. "One of the broken ribs damaged his lungs, but now the doctor say he's going to be fine..." his voice is so exhausted.

"You're coming home with us, Dean" my mother states.

"Thank you Mrs. Y/L/N, but I'm sure Y/n doesn't want me around. You've already done so much."

"Dean..." she insists. "Have you got something to eat in your fridge ?"

This is how my mom works, always wondering if people eat enough, sleep enough, she's a good mother.

"I..." he tries but she cuts him.

"That's what I thought. You're not going home alone, Dean..."

 ***

             Dean never looks at me. He's awkward and shy. My mom gives him food and he eats like he's been starving for days. I just sit here, watching him in disbelief. What if I was mistaking ?

"So Dean ?" my dad makes me jump when he talks. "Your parents are out of town ?"

"My dad is, Sir" he answers with such precaution I wonder if he talks this way to his own father. Then I remember the Principal saying that his dad asked him to be very strict. "He's a marine and... well he's not often home. Sammy haven't seen him for months..."

"And you have ?" my father asks, crooking an eyebrow.

"No... it, it doesn't count, I mean it's... Sam is more important. He's younger..."

"I see... my wife told me you were selfless... And your mother ?"

"She died, Sir" he answers still not looking at me and my heart breaks. "She died in a fire when my brother was a baby. My dad pretty much works his pain away since then..."

How could I be so wrong... I get up and clean the table before Dean can do it, just because I need to do something for him, it's my silent way to say I'm sorry. He lift his gaze on me for the first time when my hand brushes his. I take his plate and he mutters a thank you.

"You seem like a good boy, Dean. And my wife told me you have a very pretty car... Do you like mechanics ?"

"Yeah ! It's a 67 Chevy Impala, it's my dad's car. I do love mechanics" the green eyed boy says.

"Would you come to my work someday ? I own a car shop."

"I would love that Sir, but I have school and the detentions and my job..." he lower his eyes.

I look at my dad and I know he can read how sad I am for Dean... The hate disappeared. It's like I truly saw him for the first time.

"I heard you work to pay for Sam's college" my dad states and I realize my mother knows him way better than I do.

"Yes, Sir. I'm not that smart but Sam is, and he wants to get a law degree... My... My dad doesn't want him to. He wants us to join him in the army... I might have to but if Sam can go to college..."

"I'll pay you" my dad cuts him. "Listen, my wife likes you, she says you're kind and from what I hear... I think she's right, as always. What do you say you stop selling books and learn how to fix a car with me ? If you work hard, I'll keep you and you won't have to join the army" he states and Dean's face lit up.

 ***

             I sit on my bed and sigh. He is already under the blanket, on the mattress next to my bed, he turns his back on me.

"Dean..." I try. "I'm sorry..."

He doesn't answer but I keep going anyway.

"I realize I judged you. I think I was jealous because everything seemed so easy for you, and I'm so stressed out all the time... I was wrong. Sam is lucky to have you..."

I wait but he doesn't say a word so after a few minutes, I turn the light off.

"I was jealous too..." he finally whispers. "You... you have what I always dreamed of. Your mom is incredible, and your dad just trusted me after an hour..."

"Yes, they are good people, just like you."

I hear him lay on his back, and turn to look at him as my eyes get used to dark. My gaze lays on his profile, lingering on his lips. I never truly watched him. He is beautiful, not just attractive but charming, and now that I saw his soul...

"Dean ?"

"Mh ?"

"Why did you reprimand Sam back then in the cafeteria ?" I ask, trying not to let him hear the lump in my throat.

"Because he had taken only half of the sandwich I had made him to let me the other half. I was afraid he wouldn't eat enough..."

Tears roll down my cheek and before I can stop it, a sob escape my lips.

"I'm so sorry Dean..."

"Mh... I don't like that" he mutters, getting up.

"Wh-what ?"

"You feel sorry for me... I don't like that" he whispers, getting close.

Then he sits on my bed and strokes my hair. I can't move, I look up at him, his beautiful face lit only by the moon.

           He bends slowly and my breath is stuck in my chest.

           I close my eyes when his incredibly soft lips brush mine, then he really puts a kiss on my mouth, just one, before he gets up again.

"Thank you for saving my brother..." he says before he goes back to bed.

 ***

 FIVE MONTHS LATER

             When Sam sees me, he walks a little faster. I take his bag from his hand.

"You're not supposed to make physical efforts" I grunt.

"Carrying my bag is not..."

"Hey I will tell Dean" I cut him and he rolls his eyes.

           Laura joins us and messes with Sam's hair, making him grunt.

"Is Dean here ?" she says with a wide smile to make me roll my eyes.

Since I came back holding Dean's hand after only a weekend, and made her squeal, she says she will never stop teasing me about our relationship. And she indeed, never did.

             I get out of the car while Sam waits for me on the backseat, reading. I walk fast toward my dad, who is working on a car, his old cap on his head.

"Hey dad, are you finished ?"

"Hey sweetie. No, I'm not, but he can go home with you..."

           Hands wrap me and I feel a kiss on the back of my head. I turn and kiss my boyfriend's lips tenderly. I push a strand of his sweaty hair out of his face and he smiles at me, lightening the already bright day.

"Are you sure you don't need me anymore Bobby ?" Dean asks.

"No, no... You go back home and start to study, remember I'm not hiring you full time if you don't succeed final exams" my father grunts. "And hands off of my daughter !"

"Yeah... Sorry" Dean says letting me go. "Do you need me to buy something for diner ?"

"Keep your money for paying Stanford and go home !" my dad groans, throwing a wrench at him.

           As we walk toward the car, Dean bends on me, wrapping his strong arm around my waist.

"Hands of my daughter, yeah... We'll see that..." he rasps.

"Yeah well only if you let me help you with French, Mister I'm-not-that-smart-but-get-better-grades-than-the-girl-who-helps-me-when-I-want..." I kiss his cheek.

"D'accord Baby."

*D'accord = Okay

______________________________________________________

                   ***FEEDBACK IS EVERYTHING <3***

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[aemperatrix]

Keats Is Coughing

by Marianne Boruch

Everything is made of everything. — Leonardo da Vinci

I found Rome in the woods.

Fair to admit it’s mostly tundra to the west in the park, past Toklat the Denali I revised, low grasslands engineered to freeze deep by October — this being Alaska — the great

           Tabularium close to the Temple of            Castor and Pollux I rebuilt that same summer —             not superimposed, exact as any scheme

in secret — the Arch of Septimius Severus at the gravel bar        where fox drank from a river turned stream,           a Theater of Marcellus near               the ranger station where one raven,                                                                                    such a brat,   complained of                      my Circus Maximus, Trajan’s Column,                              my Baths of Diocletian, too many spots soaked in unpronounceable Latin.

                   I really did, I shouldered bits of it,      a ruin-hushed haunted business, my brain                                                         a truck bed, a lift, pulleys big as a whale’s heart, expletives of cheap wonder all over                                                                  my woodlot and expanse.                          One self-anoints to embellish day, years, life thus far, and think oneself so...    

                      Then busted — 

by a raven!

Well, that’s memory for you, that’s so-called        civilization for you, to layer up,                         to redo the already done.

I mean it’s a fact, the puny life span we’re allotted.              And proof — Denali in August, fireweed, spunky scrawny first Latinate — Erechtites hieracifolia — 

              giving off flowers to mark               what weeks left, little               time bomber, time traveler, ancient               slips red-flagging the countdown to winter               by climbing its own stalk.

Something perverse about that. Something perfectly fiendishly self-conscious about that.

•

From the start perverse, any premise.      Ask...We can’t know. To be compelled

           makes an occasion. Rome’s grand     past horrific, fire and ash, swamp into bog, lust              and bloodlust — 

The Alaska Range dreams lurid as Rome,                                        the worst way below being fire, summer snow at night      off the highest peaks by noon              as distant from our cabin as the size of a hand if I                         held up the one with                         an eye in the middle

to know how this works. Some have the power to raise from the dead a before, before scary and beautiful           back to mystery cults, in caves, rubble far under a Roman street, the altar to Mithras still slaying his bull, crumbling the stonework.

            All things being equal. But they’re not.                    Agony, it’s older.                      Ask the moose at Denali,                         the snowshoe hare, the lynx,

such a wily courtly lot.                                           Ask Ovid      banished to his hovel on the Black Sea, aching                for Rome’s exalted rude cacophony, each      exiled month a big thick X down

                                  Februarius,                                 Aprilis to home-shattered sick enough

for an undersong. Look it up! Undersong: a strain; a droning; the burden of a song —                                              Maybe that lowest common denominator is contagious. Rome or Denali, a mash-up of lunge and cry out, predator and prey throwing coins to a fountain, footholds made first by a hoof, pickpockets at buses and trains, nuns queuing up their no-nonsense, thorny brambles, raggedy spruce groves,                                           a look, a nod to sell loveless love on the street, a chain of mountains in choral repeat, saints stained to glass, how ice gouged rivers from rock-bound,                                 the one-lung rapturous common-sense Pope all outstretched arms, his little popemobile circling the thrilled at St. Peter’s up on our rickety chairs to see in six, seven languages how radiant —                             Cross my heart, he was. And Keats, Keats is coughing.

•

You find the fossil record everywhere. In woods, tundra, under streets, in cadaver labs.                                 Not those bright transparencies, wistful orderly page after page in biology, a lie, a kind of flip-book romance. It’s the one big mess of us in us, the generous extraordinary dead prove that, signing a paper, giving themselves away                                            to be cut, disembodied for the knowing it, sunk to their chemical depth in some afterlife, opened on a table by kids really,                                             belabored doctors-to-be, our shabby shared wilderness to untangle, bones   joints   arteries   valves,                                                         The Dissector in hand, weirdest how-to book on the planet. For Keats too, 1819, his scribbled roses and sunflowers in margins,                                                                  his training,                                                           his anatomy theatre, looking down and later: still London, then Rome (he who gets it,  body fails, second floor, beside the Spanish Steps).                                           Heart, not my heart anymore.                                     Forgive me. I’m worse than the hopelessly confused misnamed English sparrow, descendant of the great weaver birds of Africa, a finch that lost the gene

      for nest, how to beneath, to across so intricate, precise, bringing bringing sticks and hair and bits of shiny paper. Undersong: the burden of a song.                                                       Poor bird. Poor sweet muddled middle of it. I watched morning after morning, his offering...                                                                           It’s Keats who made claims about beauty and time. His bed at the last                        too low for the window, his must-have                                 tell me, what’s out there — 

I admit: a ridiculous layering, Rome in Denali. Just because? Because I went to both in short order? Two continents, an ocean apart. My mother loved hand-me-down expressions — never the twain shall meet. They do meet.                           To repeat: that’s civilization for you. Happenstance and right now drag along future and past                             and why the hell not the Denali, the Rome in any of us, no two states of being more unalike, worn-out compulsion to collect and harbor, piece together,                                                                    stupid into some remember machine.

  Such fabulous unthinkable inventions we’ve made to merge or unmake: the trash compactor,   the poem, all tragedy and story, pencils sharpened to

a point that keeps breaking, wilderness gone inward as

                  an ocean-going ship’s container,                         a Gatling gun,                                 the AR-15 of the seething deranged,                                         the H-bomb,                                             Roman legions to Canterbury to blood-up fields into legend then dig the first plumbing but

                                            how can you                                             be in two places at once                                             when you’re not anywhere at all!

       (Thank you, Firesign Theatre, brilliant wackos,              old vinyl on a turntable still in the game... )

                     Fine. Fuck it. Start over.

•

See the sheep on high ledges, the arctic squirrels below.

See the way Dante saw, sweeping his arm across Vasari’s great painting as Boccaccio looks off, the plague sealing city after city. Dante

in hell, steady-luminous     those fact-finding trips to service           his worldly Inferno.

Winter sleeps through. August at Denali, bears shovel it down       a razor-edged maw —                                                 twigs! berries! more stems! —  Fate hoards to prepare, sub-zeros, fattens into...   

See the park’s camper bus, 92 miles how most of us jolt and slow, crossing hours more daylight than night all summer, rattling tin can with its exhaust and hissing gravel, the fear landslide                  an undersong just-possible, how we zigzag a mountain. Look!

                 Nearing a bear, the young caribou abruptly                             hesitant, shy as a leaf — 

No! Don’t! Do not! That grizzly huge, bent to his ploy just                                                 these berries around here, his ignore ignore, sure, quiet-tense as a trigger, and we of                      fogged scratched windows so hard to open — 

stop! The bus stopped. Jesus. The thing curious, closer...                          They’re not

that smart anyhow, a stage-whispering drunk from the back      of our imperial realm, mile 62, the Park Road.

What did Venus decree in her temple up whichever narrow street in Rome, the Ancients’                             stink of slops, standing water,           a bear chained to a slave (out of slav, by the way,                             backdrop is horde, human spoils)

both shackled to a grindstone for                                                             a later mob and roar.

Here’s what we saw: the little caribou  in reverse wanders sideways and safe.                                             Our bus one big sigh or like a wheezing asthmatic the brakes unbrake.

Bad dream, bad dream, the undersong start to all fable if                        for real we’d seen that kill back to lions off their continent cornered, bloodied in the great amphitheaters, rearing up, a nail to hammer’s                                   bite and blow. The wilderness in us

is endless. Near the cabin, near evening, a warbler                               in the fireweed                                                    hawk saw or heard,                          his switchblade clicked to —                                                                         I was and I was                      whirling feathers, either bird —    Every hunger                            is first century. Forever-thus   feral cats at the Forum about to leap too.                                                        The Forum, last homage   I shoveled holes and rocks to   remake, mile 82, while the haymouse riddled the meadow   down deep, her catacombs.

•

Time + beauty = ruins. Perfect shapes in the mind       meet my friends Pointless and Threat and Years of       Failure to Meld or Put to Rest. Ruthless                                                                                 is human.

I ask a composer: How to live with this undersong thing                             over and over, how to

                                                                   get rid of it,                                                                        the world of it — 

 He looks at me. What undersong thing? And shrugs       I’ll put it on the test! Let students define it.

     So I dreamt such a test: Go there. To Rome.                    Half-doze against a wall                      two thousand years of

    flesh    sweat    insect wing ago, stone laid by hand, by a boy when a whip, a whip, a welling up, his will not speak.

   Have at it. Please explain. Please fill in this blank.

Grief punctures like ice, moves like a glacier   to flat and slog and myth, low blue and white flowers       we hiked trail-less. The rangers insist. They insist — 

      never follow or lead, never lay down a path.

                                                                       From above the look of us spread out, our seven or eight a band, little stray exhausted figures                                           as over the land bridge from Asia,

circa: prehistory keeps coming, older than Rome, both   both underfoot, understory, underway

        miles below numb, it’s burning.

•

To see at all, you time                                         and this time and time again.

The spirit leans intrigued, the other part bored, then there’s want,                                                                    then there’s wait.

Once a city began with a wolf whose two human pups would      build, would watch it fall, nursing                                              at her milk for centuries               in marble               in bronze.

         She stands there and cries of                                                               that pleasure, by turns a blood-chill. The tundra. At night.

A snake eats its own tail, forever at it on a fresco. A real snake                       leaves his skin near the gravel bar. Some words sting, some are sung. Another life isn’t smaller.

[thatssonano]

Hey, remember the research paper about why TV fails to represent female muslims? Well here it is.

Hey guys,

So I'm finally gonna try to write a real little thing about how TV fails to write muslim women. I thought about doing a real research paper and I wrote the introduction and got really anxious because it reminded of my very stressful master degree lol so this is much more simple. Anyways, let's get to it. 

As a kid, I was very hungry for representation on TV. Mostly because I had no models, no one to identify with. As a very introvert and self-conscious kid, I didn't know what to be or what to do. At some point, I started looking up to my sister, very beautiful, very intelligent and very ambitious girl. So I thought "I ought to be like that, that's what a muslim girl like me should be like.” 

Thing is, I wasn't as smart as she was, my grades were not as good, I wasn't as pretty or as popular at school, and there was not a single box I could fit in. I ended up being the "weird but nice little sister". But I was so invisible everyone would nickname me "Sarah 2" (my sister's name being Sarah.) And you know what? For the first time, I felt like I existed. Because I was "the little sister". Dude, how sad is that?

I was too white for them, not muslim enough, too weird for them. So obviously, it was tough to pave a way for myself when I was the only girl like me. 

The first time I was finally not nicknamed was when I got into college at the age of 17. Only because we didn't choose the same college. And I understood I didn't have to be as smart or as ambitious as her, I understood that I didn't have to get the life she had when I was 22. 22, guys. 

I'm turning 26 in one month. And I chose my own life. But God, how much time it took me to realize that there wasn't only one type of "the muslim girl"? 22 years.  

I'm not saying that to share about my life or whatever, I just want to show the consequences of not having representation on TV. And for sure, many people don't care about representation, my sister doesn't, my brother doesn't. But I do. Maybe that's because I'm hypersensitive, maybe that's because I believe art should mirror reality. All I know is that it's necessary for many. 

I met Sana Bakkoush on a random fan video about several fictional couples on youtube. I didn't know Skam then but there was this second in the video where I would see Noora and William staring at each other or whatever, and there was this beautiful hijabi girl in the back. I had to know what this show was about. So I did my research and binge-watched it. With much luck, I got to the end of the whole show before episode 3 of season 4 came out. So I learnt to grow with Sana, I fell in love with her, and I just felt like I could understand her. I was her. I finally was validated with her. Up until episode 5, all was well. And then,… it just broke? Still today, I'm trying to understand how they could let that happen and I guess there's one obvious reason. The writing staff was white. Julie Andem is white. And to me, if you're not from that community, you should not try to write about this one. 

As the plot thickened, you could feel like it was unbalanced, incoherent, and that many things didn't make sense. But that's pretty normal, because if you don't live the problem, you can't understand. Now I won't curse Julie Andem for not trying, but I guess what should have been done was to hire a muslim writer. And God, people can't tell me it's too tough to find. Even if it was not Iman Meskini's job, she could have asked her. God, this girl taught more about ramadan through her ig story than Skam ever did. 

Now I'm not saying she didn't do us all dirty when she gave us 9 episodes instead of ten and it all broke us on June 17th 2017 (Yep, this day is a national holiday now). And honestly, I've got not one good explanation for this except they didn't feel her story was that important. Unconsciously, I hope, because it would be too evil otherwise.

The reason, to me, that Sana was so many people's favorite character was because Iman Meskini gave her so much realness. Sana was strong yet vulnerable. Everyone, muslims like non-muslims could understand her, and I think she inspired so many people. Her life is amazing, and she's what now? 22. I really hope she gets a Nobel Prize in the future, she deserves it. 

Now let's talk about the others. I think it'd be a bit faster. 

Imane Bakhellal. Uhm. Well the main issue is the same, she was written by a white man. So obviously, it was 1. wrong. 2. wrong. 3. wrong. The story barely focused on her faith and whenever we'd see her pray she'd be interrupted. Look, I've been praying for 13 years and the only times I've interrupted my prayer were because I had just realized I had not done wudhu. Or I was too jet-lagged so I was praying in the wrong direction.  

Thing is, Imane didn't make me feel anything. And it was even sadder, because I am a muslim living in Paris. To me, her story wasn't focused on her, it wasn't even focused on religion or her struggle living between two cultures. I didn't learn a thing. And God, that hurt. That hurt even more when the director didn't acknowledge it was poorly written and was actually proud of it. It hurt that white people get the right to write our story and we're there, not having any voice. It sucked. But I guess, she had ten episodes, right, even if the last episode was within the same day. 

It didn't really bother me that she kissed him. The speech she recited did though. I got really frustrated about it. How hard would it be to find a muslim writer? Honestly, I would have been glad to join them, even as a volunteer. 

I'm not actually mad at the actress, I guess it was just a reflection of her relationship with islam. And I know many people got the representation they wanted, but to me, it remains poorly written. To me, it remains hypocrite because they don't get it. Being a muslim woman of color in France sucks sometimes. But having at least her story focused on her would have been great too. 

 Ok, let's move on. 

Amira Mahmood. I love her a little less than Sana, but I mean come on, that's understandable, right?

Amira is strong, she's beautiful, kind, smart. And her season was going well, until it wasn't anymore…. Because, well, it ended. I keep on wondering why it happened and I came with no logical answer. So maybe it was lazy writing, maybe it didn't matter to them, maybe the writers were just tired. I don't know, honestly, I don't know. But it pissed me off bad. (Honestly it was the third character I was let down on, lol, it started to be a lot to handle). Also, the other seasons were so greatly written, they had depth and understanding, it was soft and beautiful. And to me, season 4 just felt… lazy? Sure, I loved Mohammed but the Australia plot wasn't even that important it actually got fixed over text? And how hard would it be to find exciting plot for a muslim character? What? Everything should be about kissing, hair and sex? Well, no. I mean, I would have loved to see her actually working, I would have loved to see her actually bonding with her dad, I would have loved to see her at a boxing game… The summer and fall after I graduated high school was a very hard time to me, mostly because it was a time of discovery and transition. Everything was changing. God, they should have explored that more. So I don't know, I just felt detached then, and I think that's more sad, actually.

But I do believe the actress did a great job, and I wish Tua all success. 

Shall I give a little paragraph on Nadia from Elite? Hell yeah I'm going to. Well, the show is focused on sex so, I mean, are we even surprised the writers did this to Nadia? Not really, but we're still mad. Again, it was written by white people; who focused on all the stereotypes people spread about muslims. The strict dad? Check. The very quiet and invisible mom at the mercy of the dad? Check. The muslim girl who does not actually know why she's religious and only follows her parents' footsteps like a sheep because islam is just way too strict so no one in their sane mind would ever venture in such a religion? Check. The hunger for having white friends and doing the same? Check. Falling for a white guy and giving up everything she ever "believed" for him? Check. I hope the writers heard about what people had to say about it. 

Honestly, I know some would say "there are muslim girls like this". Well, ok. But what about us? We've been invisible to society for years and years. I grew up without having a single fucking idea about who I was and I just always felt like I was the odd one out. Too white, too Algerian, too muslim, too girly, too boyish, too into traditions, following too much her parents' rules… Well, growing up I just decided, I will never be enough of something, because I’m a little of everything. So yeah, some muslim girls do that, but some others don't. And we want to see these girls too. We want to normalize their way of life, so they can just live. And we want them to have the same screen time than the rest of the cast. And we want them to have exciting plots too. 

God, I've been smothered by the fucking veil debate in France for weeks and weeks and I couldn't breathe anymore. That's why we need visibility. To be acknowledged. To erase ignorance and hate. To create a homogenous society in this globalized world where everyone is different and it is okay. Because as long as your liberty isn't in danger, then the other can live as he wills. 

To finish I guess some of you would be like “if you’re so eager to criticize the work of others, just write your own story” Well I did. I actually finished one scenario in French and I have just started one in English. But how can I actually make it into reality if I don’t know anyone in the business bold enough to work with me on it? 

Honestly if you've read all of that, congratulations, thank you so much, love you all, peace out. 

I didn’t write everything I wanted but I believe it’s long enough already lol. Be safe, well and kind. (that’s what Bob Morley says and he’s a king).

[jellybeanbeing]

You’re Not Good Enough Book Tag

1. You only have one more spot on your Spelling B team, who would you pick to complete your team? Nina Zenik or Evelyn Hugo

Nina Zenik! Nina is a smart cookie (not saying that Evelyn isn’t smart, because she is smart) who knows like 4+ languages. I’m pretty sure she’ll be a top notch speller and on top of that, spell words in 4+ other languages.

2. Both characters want to kill you, which one would you kill first so you have a better chance of surviving? Julian Blackthorn or Evie O’Niell

I’m killing Julian Blackthorn. That boy would cut my throat without a second thought. Plus, what’s Evie gonna do with her powers? Not much, to be honest.

3. You’re on the bachelor/bachelorette an you’re down to these two characters, which one are you going to give your rose too? Elias Veturius or Jesper Fahey

Can I not? Because these two beautiful beings deserve so much more than what I could give them. I’LL SEND THEM BOTH OFF TO LIVE THEIR LIVES  WITH THEIR TRUE LOVE who is not me, even though I love both of them so so much. But if I have to choose, bye Elias.

4. You’ve been chosen for the Hunger Games, who would most likely volunteer in your place? Rhysand or Jem Carstairs

I would hope it’s Rhysand so I can marry Jem and not have to worry about him being killed but knowing just how kind Jem is, he would volunteer. And I mean, Rhysand, I like him but I LOVE JEM CARSTAIRS SO.

5. You’re stranded on an island. Which character would you sacrifice to engage in cannibalism? Jace Herondale or Gansey

Bye Jace. I’m sorry for anyone who loves him, but I mean, it’s Richard Gansey III. But let’s be real. The more logical thing to do would be to sacrifice Gansey because Jace is more capable of finding a way off the island, but if we don’t find a way off that island, Jace will kill me and eat me so, bye Jace.

6. You’re the next DC/Marvel superhero (with your own tv show of course), who is your sidekick? Kell Maresh or Kate Harker

Haha, let’s be honest. With either of them being my sidekick, it will turn into The Great Gatsby where I’m the side character in my own story. BUTTTTT I’m choosing Kate because I feel like she’d be the kick ass side kick we all need.

7. You’re a manager of an Avocado admiring company, who would you fire for lack of communication skills? William Herondale or Magnus Bane

Bye William Herondale. We all know that Magnus can swoon anyone with his looks and words and if he can’t, he has magic on his side to help him.

8. You’ve just finished a book in which your favorite character dies, which character is most likely to comfort you? Blue Sargent or Victor Vale

Blue Sargent. I mean, come on, Victor Vale? Comforting me? That’s never gonna happen.

9. Ugh, it’s high school. Who would most likely be part of the popular clique? Noah Czerny or Marcella Riggins

I feel like both of them would be apart of the popular clique but in different ways. Noah would be in the clique because he’s super cool and lax. Marcella would be in a clique because she possesses that certain power to make people want to be her and love her. But most likely? Noah.

10. The day has arrived; you’re finally a year older! Who would have the nerve to forget your birthday? Emma Carstairs or August Flynn

August Flynn, but if I’m being real here, they both would not forget because they are such kind characters. I only say August because he’s got a lot on his plate and he doesn’t have time to remember minuscule things like my birthday.

11. You’ve just found an upcoming booktube star? Who would most likely be? Helene Aquilla or Isabelle Lightwood

Isabelle Lightwood. Izzy has that YouTube-like personality. She’s outgoing and can talk easily. She’d enjoy talking to a camera and doing funny skits and what not. Helene, I think, would just be so awkward or would be like, “what the hell am I doing?”

12. Sleepover time! Unfortunately you can only invite one person, who would you invite? Ronan Lynch or Rowan Damisch

Ronan Lynch. Ronan and I can go on late night adventures and fuck shit up. THAT IS MY DREAM.

13. Bam, you’re pregnant. Who’s the father/mother? Adam Parrish or Wylan Van Eck

Adam Parrish. I still love Wylan, but I mean, it’s Adam Parrish.

14. You’ve just written a super important text. Who would ‘see’ it, but not reply? Avitas Harper or Delilah Bard

Delilah Bard. I feel like she wouldn’t even be the kind of person to text, or have a phone.

15. You’ve just woken up and it’s time for breakfast. Your mum’s been replaced by..who?! Theta Knight or Inej Ghafa

Inej Ghafa. I love Theta, but Inej as my mother? Any day, PLEASE. She’d be the best mother ever.

[fierypen37]

The Oasis: Chapter 13

Another chapter up!

There was nothing like hot sausage pizza with plenty of garlic sauce and dragon peppers at four in the morning. The cheap soda was good too. Beer would have been better, but there was no way in hell he’d risk running the gauntlet while anything less than fighting-sharp. The meal was even better with a half-naked Daenerys Targaryen sitting cross-legged in bed. Pure decadence.

He watched in awe as Dany ate the peppers by the handful. The woman had a stronger stomach than Tormund. Jon leaned back against the headboard, replete. Wiping sauce from his face with a napkin, he admired her in greedy, glancing looks. Falling asleep in her arms after making love felt so . . . right. ‘Making love,’ the phrase seemed trite, but there was no other word for it. Kinky power games swept to wayside in a tide of yearning. That last mutual climax felt like his soul was pouring from his body. Cartoon hearts, starlight, and fireworks, all those clichés were true.

“So what’s the plan?” she asked, combing her hair behind her ear. Mm, that sexy hint of hoarseness in her voice from moaning in pleasure. The blanket draped on her shoulders slipped, giving Jon a tantalizing glimpse of her breast. Jon was lost for a moment admiring the grace knit into her bones as she took a sip from her drink. Every movement smooth and measured, like a dancer.

I am well and truly fucked. It would only get worse. The lake house north was private, cozy. Romantic. Gods. Next, he’d be feeding her chocolate covered strawberries or offering his services as a love slave forever. A thousand rationalizations told him why it wouldn’t, couldn’t work between them. But there it was all the same, so real it hurt. Jon coughed, realizing he’d spaced out staring at her.      

“Uh, our train will take us north . . . to the Cailin Canal. From there, we board another train to Torrhen’s Square. Silver Lake is about a 30-minute drive from there.” A frown line appeared between her brows.

“And why not Winterfell? Isn’t that where you grew up?” Jon raked his fingers through his hair.

“Aye, but the goal is to find a place that the bastards wouldn’t expect. If they find out it’s me helping you, Winterfell will be the first place they look. Not to mention my brothers and sister are there.” Daenerys gave a solemn nod.

“Of course. I would never risk endangering your family,” she said. Her fingers picked restlessly at the hem of the blanket.

“I’d love to meet them, once all this is over,” she said, not meeting his eye.

Jon lost himself in imagining it. Robb and Margaery would insist on hosting them for dinner. Barbeque and beer. Sansa—if she was home from uni—would be a gracious hostess. Arya would pepper her with insightful (and probably embarrassing and invasive) questions, Bran would ogle her and dazzle her with his encyclopedic knowledge of Targaryens, Rickon would be too shy to do more than peek at her from Mrs. Stark’s leg. The image of them eating and laughing on the patio under a big northern sky was so tangible, he could almost taste it. Jon swallowed hard.

“I’d like that too.” The silence that followed was a pleasant one, broken by Daenerys’ jaw-cracking yawn.

“Let’s get some sleep,” Jon suggested.

The food dealt with, there was a degree of shyness as Daenerys curled up, the blankets folded back in invitation. Jon pressed a glancing kiss on her forehead and tucked in behind her. One arm around her, snug and possessive. A statement. Daenerys settled into his embrace with a soft sound. So sweet and trusting. Jon flicked off the lamp. Sleep hung leaden on him, but he spent some time listening to her breathe. He turned the precious gift over in his mind, puzzling at it, admiring it. Three days, maybe four in her presence and voila, here he was, in love. And it scared him shitless.

                                                       ~

 Jon was in a strange mood. Quieter. But not the broody, seething energy of the night before. She’d grown used to the tenor of his silences, but this one she couldn’t put her finger on. He was already up when she woke, dressed and gathering what little they had. Breakfast was cold pizza, and they donned the same filthy clothes—washed as best as cold water and cheap bar soap could manage. Daenerys puzzled as she stuffed her hair under the ball cap. Maybe talking to his family had spooked him? Making plans, setting up a future . . . that should be off-limits.

Despite her girlish crush (and it was a crush, she insisted fiercely), there was no guarantee of tomorrow with them. After all she’d put him through, maybe he was trying to gently disengage. That was it. The sex got too intense. The whole godsdamned situation was too intense. Boundaries were good. The smart thing. The mature thing. Daenerys choked down the knot in her throat. Why did that thought make her so miserable?

The PA announced the departure of their train promptly at six a.m. Jon’s hand was warm against the small of her back.

“Ready?” he asked, his first words beyond ‘good morning.’ Daenerys nodded, slipping into the narrow cabin. Her stomach churned, a nervous acid roil. She chose a pair of seats midway back in the car. There were few other commuters. An older couple sipping tea, a square-jawed business type staring into his computer screen, a middle-aged woman reading a book. No goons, or potential goons, that she could see. Daenerys exhaled a breath as she sat. The Harpies weren’t all powerful. They could get away safe. The press of Jon’s gaze drew her from her thoughts. Gods, even this garish lighting and little sleep didn’t diminish how gorgeous he was. Jet black curls yanked back into submission, his dark eyes magnified by the lenses of his glasses. Daenerys managed a wan smile.

“We can relax, Dany. We bought our tickets with cash, we switched routes and drivers several times.”

Daenerys nodded.

“The farther we get from King’s Landing, the better I’ll feel,” she said. Jon took her hand and Daenerys was so grateful for the contact, she nearly melted.

“Me too. I think you’ll like the cabin. The lake is beautiful. No internet though, or fancy tea.” Daenerys snorted at his half-hearted attempt at teasing.

“I think I can rough it for a while. I’m sure we’ll find something to occupy our time,” she said, lightly stroking the inner curve of his thumb with her own. Jon gulped visibly. Whatever his silence had been about, it relaxed as the train lurched from the station. Talk flowed easily as the tangle of low concrete buildings and narrow streets abruptly gave way to rolling fields and thick forest.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been north. The last time was Bran’s nameday three months ago. I bought him some climbing gear.”

“Climbing? Like rock climbing?” Jon’s smile was quick.        

“Aye. Bran’s been climbing since he could walk. A lot of magazines wrote articles on him; he was the youngest one to climb the Wall. He had an accident some years back. One of his anchors broke, he fell some one hundred feet before the harness caught him.” Dany tightened her hand around his.

“Gods! Was he hurt?” Jon gave a grim nod.

“Broke his pelvis, three ribs and a hairline fracture of his spine. If he’d fallen even a foot farther, the doc said he could have been paralyzed.” Daenerys squeezed his hand.

“How old was he?”

“Ten.”

“I’m so sorry.” Jon raked his hand through his hair, tearing out the tie. His wild hair fell around his face.

When he spoke, his voice was quiet, off-hand: “That’s why I learned massage. He had terrible muscle spasms in his legs and back during rehab.” In the words, she heard a wealth of love and care. Daenerys swallowed the lump in her throat. A contemplative moment passed in comfortable silence.

“I found out I liked it. It’s soothing, not really like work. Except with you.” A hot flash arched through her at the words. She couldn’t bite back a startled smile.

“With me?” A hint of color crept up Jon’s neck. He glanced out the window at the blur of sun-dappled greenery flying by.

“I told you that,” he said, shoulders hunched.

“Told me what?” Daenerys stifled a giggle. She felt giddy, intensely female. Teasing him was such fun! Jon gave her a sharp look, and noticed the humor dancing in her expression. He relaxed. The curve of his lips hinted at all manner of depravity.

“During our session at The Oasis, just the feel of your hair and the way you smelled made me hard,” he whispered, his thumb tracing distracting circles on the tender skin of her wrist.

“I felt like such an ass, perving on an innocent client.”

“I wanted you too,” Daenerys whispered. Despite the armrest between them, Jon loomed close, his breath a phantom caress on her cheek. Just barely she could smell him, musky and male. She chewed on her lower lip. The look in his eyes made a shiver race through her.

“You did?”

“I was so embarrassed. You just rubbing my shoulders made me so . . .”

“What?” Jon pressed. His expression was intent, dark eyes alight with hunger. Daenerys licked her lips.

“So . . . aroused,” she said. Jon’s eyebrow arched.  

“‘Aroused?’ So clinical. Tell me how you felt.”

Daenerys cast a nervous glance around. The near-deserted car was quiet, save for the hum of the train itself. The rows around them were empty. Her heart thudded. Something as mundane as a commute was fun and sexy with Jon. The first air-soft kiss behind her ear made her shudder. Jon nuzzled her hair with his nose.  

“It’s ok, baby,” he purred in her ear, “No one can hear. Just me. You know how I love it when you say those filthy words.” His hand crept beneath the shirt draped over her lap. Daenerys bit back a whimper as he petted the inner seam of her jeans. A kiss, a few sexy words, and here she was, panting and yearning for whatever he wanted.

“Do you want to stop?” Jon said, his eyes searching her face. In answer, she kissed him. Soft, lingering. When she pulled back, Jon looked a little dazed.

“It was the first time. When—when you rubbed my back, I . . . gods, it felt so good. I was wet. Aching.” Gods, that look. Avid, lips parted. And his eyes, that fierce glow.

“The first time?” His fingers plucked at the button of her jeans, worming beneath her panties. Daenerys bit her lip to stifle a whimper, arching her hips to give him better access.

“Yes. Oh yes. It was even w—worse the second time. Pure erotic torture. I thought I was going crazy.” Jon’s fingers parted her folds, finding her hot and slick. He cursed softly under his breath. Daenerys measured her breathing, fingers white-knuckled on the armrests. The first soft touch on her clit worsened the hot ache.

“Is this what you wanted? You wanted me here?” a gentle, circling rhythm. Slick and secret. Gods, yes that gentle circling. Both soothing the ache and making it worse. Letting the pleasure build and burn. Good. So fucking good. Daenerys squirmed in her seat.

“Jon, faster. Please.” His ragged breathing was warm in her ear, his fingers driving her towards sweet relief. Daenerys clenched her thighs around his hand, tense around that delicious rising tide of pleasure.

“Tell me, baby.” His accent was thick, his voice rough.

“Gods, yes. I wanted you. If you’d asked, I would have let you.” Daenerys clenched her hand over his as the pleasure burst behind her eyes. A hot, delicious wave drowning her. When the roar in her ears receded, she was slouched in her chair. Jon’s fingers lazily stroked, setting off sweet, shivery echoes.

“Fuck, Dany. That was beautiful,” Jon said, kissing her neck. Daenerys hummed.

“What about you?” she asked, glancing down. His erection strained against his jeans. Jon shrugged.

“No help for it right now. No biggie. Can I keep my hand here? I love touching you like this.” Daenerys blushed, embarrassed by how wet she was. At this rate, she’d soak through her underwear. Worth it, though.  

“It feels wonderful. Gentle, though. I’m a bit sensitive.” Jon grinned, leaning against her shoulder.

“Of course. I can’t think of a better way to pass the time.”

                                                          ~

 The feel of her hot and slick around his fingers kept him perpetually hard for the next two hours. And probably would until the end of time. Jon didn’t particularly care. Seeing her squirm and whimper under his touch was potently erotic. In between easy conversation and working on a crossword, Jon made her come. Watching her unravel was pure bliss, even more so when she tried so hard to keep it together.

The best part was when the snack cart rolled by, and Jon feigned sleep against her shoulder. He listened as she calmly ordered with two of his fingers deep inside her. Sexy as hell. If the bored attendant looked closer, she would have noticed the sheen of sweat on her face.

Jon sadly pulled back before their food arrived. The rich smell of her wafted from his fingers. He checked the impulse to lick them clean. He tucked into his turkey sub and chips with relish. Through lunch he imagined licking her into a frenzy while she was in a board meeting or something. Yeah. He liked the fantasy. He’d take care of her. Make her dinner. Fetch her dry cleaning. Make her come. Trot after her like a loyal hound, panting and wagging. Forever. Gods, he was fucked.

The train to Cailin Canal flew by. With a certain smug male satisfaction, he noticed Daenerys’ slightly wobbly gait as they disembarked. Jon dragged in a breath of fresh air through his nose. Hundreds of years ago, the Neck had all been swampland. If he remembered right, it was another Daenerys who had ordered to bridge the Neck to connect the Sunset and Narrow Seas. The locks had been widened and modernized since.

“I’ve never been this far north,” Daenerys said, casually tucking her hand into his. Jon managed to knock his big idiotic grin down a few notches.

“We have about half an hour until our next train. Let’s go see the locks,” Jon said.

The air was rich with the smell of water and fried food. Crowds were thin on a weekday, mostly confined to a few couples and the occasional tourist. Jon led Dany to the railing along the lock, peering down to the waterway below. Layers of green slime coated the metal walls, and in the grey-blue water below they passed the time pointing out seals and turtles and the occasional duck. Dany towed him by their entwined hands to the educational plaques, her face alight with curiosity.  

“How does it work? I see the doors, but I wonder how many ships can go through at a time? The Sunset Sea is several degrees warmer than the Narrow Sea. Does that effect the wildlife?” Daenerys asked. Jon checked the impulse to drag her close for a kiss. Smiling in the sunshine, all worry or stress hundreds of miles away, she was the most radiant thing he’d ever seen. It took a minute to restart his short-circuiting brain.

“I—I’m not sure. They have guided tours, but not on weekdays,” Jon said. He glanced at the clock.

“Damn, we have to rush if we want to make our train!”    

Jon would have happily resumed the sexy teasing on the next leg of their journey, but the train leaving Cailin Canal for Torrhen Square was packed. Commuters and families alike. He and Daenerys wedged their way into a middle and aisle seat two rows from the head in the back of the car. Despite that, soon after the train lurched from the station, Daenerys nestled against his shoulder.

“Is this ok? I need to shut my eyes for a minute,” she asked, those limpid violet eyes trained on him.

“Of course. Make yourself comfortable,” Jon said, wadding the spare shirt as a makeshift pillow. Even awkwardly draped across the armrest, she was soon fast asleep. Jon’s heart thudded in his chest. Jon breathed in the smell of cheap soap in her hair along with her own underlying sweetness. Restless fingers toyed with flyaway strands of her hair. He loved having her close.

One of the attendants flicked the aisle TV on. The channels flicked by, an informercial, a vacation channel detailing the wonders of the Summer Isles, an old rugby match, the news . . . Jon’s ears perked up at the mention of Daenerys’ name. Even this far north, the main news stream came in from the capital.

“Government officials and local law enforcement are searching for suspects in the shootout on Loom Street late yesterday evening. This attack is thought to be linked to an attempt on the life of King’s Landing CEO Daenerys Targaryen. The motives are yet unclear, and Miss Targaryen hasn’t been seen since the attack. If you have any information on possible suspects, call the number on your screen.” Jon squeezed her closer, as if to shield her. So strange to hear some of the worst moments of her life pared down to bloodless facts.

The report droned on. Barry and Rakharo were still in intensive care. Daenerys’ brother Viserys appeared on screen. They were similar in coloring and build, but there was a hawkishness in the nose and narrow violet eyes that Jon distrusted.

“Turn the game back on!” a couple passengers grumbled. The attendant obliged before Jon could hear Viserys’ statement.

Jon leaned his head back on the headrest and sank into a thin doze. No matter how tired he was, he could never really fall asleep while traveling . . . He and Dany were walking on the beach hand in hand. Jon closed his eyes and listened to the crash of the surf and let the warm sunshine sink into his bones. Then her hand was gone. He opened his eyes and she was gone, the beach was gone, the sun was black and lifeless. Gone, gone, gone. He ran, shouting her name. They had her. They had her and he didn’t know where . . .

“Jon? Jon, can you hear me?” Dany’s voice woke him. Jon swallowed hard, blinking back to reality. The train had stopped, and passengers were shuffling about, gathering luggage, swilling the last of their drinks.

“Yeah, yeah. Just dozed off. Let’s go.” Jon shook off the dregs of the dream and grabbed her hand.  

The clock in the terminal read six o’ clock. It took some time to wade through the crowd of commuters to the car rental desk. Thanks to Robb, there was a small SUV ready for them. Dinner was a brief detour at a greasy spoon diner. Torrhen Square was a lakeside town, full of kitschy shops, hostels, fishing stores. It took maybe ten minutes to wend their way to the edge of town.  

“If you need to make a call, best do it now. There’s no much reception out at the cabin,” Jon said when they pulled over to fill up on gas. Daenerys gave him a tired smile and dug for the burner phone.

“Good idea. I should call Vis. I’m glad Barry and Rakharo are ok, but it would be nice to know if they’d heard from Missy or Shae.”

Jon nodded, stifling a yawn as he attached the gas hose. He scrubbed his face with his hands. Almost there. They could finally get some decent rest at the cabin. The pump ticker clicked rhythmically. Through the cracked window, he could hear the soft music of Daenerys’ voice. A cold breeze ruffled his hair. Beyond the sharp smell of petrol, he could smell the lake. Open water and plant life. With it came a flood of childhood memories. All of them piling into a van, snacking and joking as they drove.

“What?” It was the sharpness in her voice that drew Jon from his wool-gathering. Jon peered through the window. Her face was pale, stricken. Jon’s belly clenched. What now?

“What is it?” he hissed. Daenerys waved him off, clinging to the phone with a claw-like hand. Jon bit back a rush of irritation. Don’t mind me, I’m just following you around, sheltering you, falling ass over head in love with you--

“And Rakharo, did he--?” Jon cursed under his breath. Whatever his problems, at the end of the day, the harpies were trying their level best to rape and murder her. Besides that, the body count was rising, for which she blamed herself. He had little room to complain after all that.

Jon finished with the gas and slid into the cab. Tense, he jerked the car in gear and focused on speed and negotiating turns as he listened to half of a very heated conversation. Not with the brother. The detective guy then. The fuckers had made another move. 

Daenerys hung up. Silence was as thin and sharp as a blade of glass. Her tears shone in the eerie glow of the dashboard.

“Dany?” Jon said, trying to keep his voice even and calm.

“Barry’s dead. They tried to repair the damage, but he died on the table.”  

[melroesplace]

Gonna steal your question and ask for your top 10 ships of all time for Valentine's Day :D

Ok this is super late (and also super fucking long) because it took forever to narrow down my top 100 ships to only 10, but here we go:

1. Ron & Hermione (Harry Potter)

My very first OTP and still my favorite.  Their slow burn development from enemies to friends to lovers makes this the best relationship of the entire HP franchise.  Haters can deny it all they want, but these 2 have always and will always belong together.  Harry & Hermione would be together if Ron wasn’t around?  Nope, Hermione and Harry was pining for Ron when he was away in Deathly Hollows.  Ron & Hermione will get divorced because of their arguments?  Lol you thought, they are planning to renew their vows after 20 years of marriage.  I’m sort of gloating now, but Idc because this is one of the very few endgame ships I have.

2. Zuko & Katara (A:TLA)

In the exact opposite of what happened with Romione, this was my first ship that wasn’t canon and the first one to make me cry angry tears over the fact.   Zutara introduced me to the dark side of my fangirl, engaging in shipping wars, hating on Bryke for not getting them together even tho I should’ve known it was never gonna happen.  I’m not proud of everything my preteen self did in the Avatar fandom, but *tune of God Bless the USA* I’m proud to be a Zutarian, where at least there’s fans like me  They are twin flames, 2 sides of the same coin, and forever friends.  Plus, Dante Basco and Mae Whitman shipped them, so neener neener neener.  (Sorry, my 12 yr old fangirl came out a bit)

3. Katniss & Peeta (The Hunger Games)

#RelationshipGoals  That is all.  Ok, not really.  I love seeing a hardened badass fighter like Katniss with such a gentle soul like Peeta.  He is her anchor, she is his passion, and I am their bitch.  No matter how many times I read the books or watch the movies, I fall to pieces over them in the best way.  And to think when I first started reading the books, I was convinced Peeta would end up dead because all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.  I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life.

4. Magnus & Alec (Shadowhunters)

Let me start this off with #SaveShadowhunters.  I will miss Malec, I will miss the Malec fandom and I will especially miss the showrunners being so lovely to the fans.  After being disappointed by JKR, Bryke, Plec, and Shonda, it is such a relief to feel validated by a creator.  Todd, Darren, and Matt Hastings are real supporters of the LGBT community who actually listen to fans’ concerns and fight to include as much diversity as they can get away with.  I’ve never watched a show that treated an interracial same sex couple the same (or imo better) as all the other couples.  Magnus & Alec had me at “Who are you?” with their amazing chemistry.  I love one badass shadowhunter/warlock team who are also adorable boyfriends.

5. Jackie & Hyde (That 70s Show)

Sigh…..what could have been.  I will never understand how the writers could throw out such an amazing relationship after so many years together.  Jackie & Hyde are the epitome of the Opposites Attract trope.  Hyde is a sarcastic little shit and Jackie is a materialistic snob and they love each other exactly as they are.  He keeps her grounded and she makes him open up.  Since I don’t consider season 8 canon, I like to imagine Hyde opening up his own record shop in Chicago so that Jackie could pursue her dream.  They’re still together.

6. Isak & Even (Skam)

Just look at these pure babies!  You should really watch this show if you haven’t already.  I think you would love them and I don’t mind spoiling that they’re endgame so you don’t have to worry about that.  Evak probably have the hottest chemistry of everyone on this list, but they’re also 100% soft boyfriends.

7. Bonnie & Jeremy (Vampire Diaries)

TVD is responsible for at least a quarter of my ships, but Beremy was my first OTP from the show.  After watching everyone treat Bonnie like little more than a magic wand for over a year, it was nice to see someone want her simply for her.  Jeremy didn’t care about what Bonnie could do for him, he genuinely admired her strength and morals.  Bonnie stopped seeing him as her best friend’s kid brother and saw him for the hot, strong protector he is.  I will never forgive the writers for ruining their relationship twice, but I still head canon that Bonnie & Jeremy reunited as adults.

8. Harry & Uma (Descendants)

My favorite thing about Huma is that Harry is a hook wielding maniac who is also completely head over heels in love with Uma, a beautiful black girl who is Captain of their pirate crew.  He is unapologetic in how utterly devoted he is to her and even tho she keeps her feelings close to the vest, it is obvious Uma has a soft spot for her First Mate.  My least favorite thing about Huma is that despite the overwhelming evidence, I still don’t know if they’re an actual couple.  I hope D3 clears that up.

9. Dante & Ari (Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe)

*There are plenty of amazing fan art of them, I just couldn’t decide which one to post*

You should read this book if you haven’t already, it classic coming-of-age queer literature.  Ari is an introverted smart ass kid with no friends until he meets cinnamon roll Dante.  These are my favorite type of relationships to see/read, especially when its a slow burn like this.  Idk what else to say other than how much I love these two makes my heart ache in a good way.  Right after finishing the book, I went back and reread my favorite parts.

10. Kelly/Yorkie (Black Mirror)

My favorite wlw ship only appears on 1 episode of a tv anthology, that’s how amazing they are.  I relate so much to Yorkie, uncomfortable in my own skin and socially awkward.  All I want is someone like Kelly who can bring me out of my shell, but still love me for who I am.  Their relationship honestly gives me hope that even someone like me (with little relationship experience) can maybe find love.  You know, if I ever leave my damn house for anything other than work.

[thebestoftimes]

50 QUESTION BOOK TAG FOR WORLD BOOK DAY

By me, Jess. I made this for world book day but then got depressed and didn’t post it on time lmao but here ya go kids be warned though it’s a long one. Also the numbers thing got fucked up and I couldn’t fix it.  I got a lot of these questions from other tags I’ve seen and google so if something sounds familiar... that’s why.

Who or what sparked your love of literature?

Aw my parents fueled my book habit when I was a kid and took me to the bookstore all the time and since then all my teachers have always encouraged me and made me love books even more than I thought possible.

Do you have an ‘odd’ book habit? (page sniffing/never leaving the house with a book)

It’s true that I never go anywhere without a book. I got one in my backpack or purse or reading on my phone but it’s always there.

Do you have a book that you think has changed your life? How?

A lot of books and series have made significant impacts on my life (like I can’t picture elementary school without Percy Jackson being in my life) but like as a person I can’t think of any one book that has changed who I am. It’s been a team effort.

Which book have you reread most frequently?

I think I reread Hush Hush every year lmao idk why

You can meet any author and ask one question. What author would you chose and what question would you ask?

I’d want to meet Shakespeare and ask him if all his characters really were just that gay or if we’re all reading too much into it.

Best book published this year so far?

It’s only March but The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi

Imagine you’ve started a book and don’t like it. Do you see the experience through to the bitter end, or are you able to talk away from it mid story?

I used to always finish what I started but now that I’m in college and have a mountain of a TBR I’ll just stop.

What book is top of your wish list/TBR pile?

Uhh A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos  is on top rn

Favourite place to read?

My bed. Boring but a classic.

If you buy books, do you lend them out? Ever had a bad experience?

Of course. No all my friends respect my stuff and return them promptly.

What fictional character do you ship yourself with?

So many but I think Gansey and I from The Raven Cycle would make the best couple.

Weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark

I use whatever near me so I might have done something weirder but lately I’ve been using tissues because I have a tissue box by my bed and never real bookmarks. But I’ve used graded homework, a toy car, a crayon, earbuds, etc.

Favorite quality/qualities in a protagonist and antagonist

Wow this is s hard okay for protag I am a sucker for like stubborn, smartass with a martyr complex. Sad but true. Antags I love a good morally grey character or anti-villain. Tragic backstory but smart as hell. The worst (the best). Characters like the Darkling from The Grisha Trilogy, and Warner from the first Shatter Me book (I know he’s a good guy NOW but back then we all thought he was a sadistic and sexy villain).

Favorite genre and favorite book from that genre.

YA Urban Fantasy babyyy and that’d be City of Bones by Cassandra Clare or Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare:)

  Best/worst movie adaptation in your eyes

Best: Harry Potter and The Hunger Games | Worst: Percy Jackson

Do you prefer reading your own books, or library books?

My own.

How do you choose your next book to read?

Literally whatever I’m feeling like at the moment.

Your favorite word.

I love many words but I have a soft spot for “lively” and “lilt”.

Book that got you hooked on reading/how you got hooked.

I’ve always been obsessed with reading but The Peter and the Starcatchers Series was like my shift from nicotine to heroine.

Opinion on dog-earing, margin writing, ect.

I only write in the margins of books I have to read for class/textbooks. And that’s for studying and active reading purposes. For any other situation: no.

Top 5 immediate to read in no order

A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos

A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E Schwab

Most underrated book you’ve read

Definitely The Foxhole Court/ All for the Game series. Fairly small fanbase for some of THE most amazing books I’ve ever read. And the memes will have you in stitches.

What is the first book that catches your eye when you look at your bookshelf?

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell because of the exceedingly bright cover/spine haha

How do you arrange your books on your shelves?

LOL I do not have a system at all. I keep series and authors together and that’s it. Everything is placed where there is room.

You have the power to change a book’s ending. Which ending would you change and what would you make happen instead?

I’d change the end to Allegiant and SPOILERS SPOILERS not make Tris fucking die over her shitty ass brother. I know why she did it but like Veronica girl wyd with that. And I’d want the entirety of Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins to be rewritten into a book that just focused on the domestic life of Finnick and Annie and no one dies.

Favourite book cover?

This is SO HARD. Either The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin or Ignite Me by Tahereh Mafi

Which book from your childhood has had the most impact on you?

My entire personality was shaped by the Maxmimum Ride series by James Patterson. For better and worse.

When reading, what do you value most: writing style, characters, plot, world building, pacing, etc?

Characters. I think all of those things are essential and as I read more and more, the pickier I get, but I find myself leaning towards being a fan of a book when I become obsessed with the characters. Like hey!! New friends!!! For my brain!!!

Do you prefer buying books or borrowing them from a library/friend?

Buying them even though I shouldn’t. It’s a real problem.

What books/sequels that are being published this year are you most excited for?

SO MANY OH MY GOD

Okay some of these already came out because it’s March right now but I’ll include them anyways.

SEQUELS/ SPIN-OFFS AND SHIT

The Wicked King by Holly Black; King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo; Dream by Natalia Jaster; Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare; The Red Scrolls of Magic by Cassandra Clare; Capturing the Devil by Kerri Maniscalco, Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater; Defy Me by Tahereh Mafi; The Shaw Confessions #3 by Michelle Hodkin

FIRST BOOKS

The Binding by Bridget Collins; Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan; The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi; A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer; Romanov by Nadine Brandes; The Infinite Noise by Lauren Shippen; The Beautiful by Renee Ahdieh

Which fictional character would you want as a sidekick?

Percy Jackson because he’s my firstborn son and one of my favourite characters of all time. He is talented, smart, hilarious, an amazing friend, and the sweetest of boys (when he isn’t the sassiest of boys).

How many books have you read so far this year?

Only 15 I am so behind :(

What’s been your favourite read so far this year?

Oh man. Gotta be Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo :)

You’re stuck on an island with a suitcase big enough to hold five books. What books are they?

I probably shouldn’t cheat and say How to Build a Boat huh

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

The King’s Men by Nora Sakovic

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

If you had to go out to dinner with any character who would it be and why? What would you talk about?

Will Herondale and we’d talk about books

Is there a book you have such a hatred for that you would throw it off of the highest tower knowing that the last copy of it will be destroyed so that not another living soul can read it or would you rather keep it and give it to someone else who might actually enjoy it?

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne or After by Anna Todd

Do you believe books make nice decoration?

I mean. I think they should be read before used as decor but I love showing off my books so I guess both. But I don’t believe in buying books for the purpose of decoration instead of reference or reading lol

Do you listen to music when you read? Or do you need complete silence? 

I need silence or low amount of white noise. I used to read and listen to Taylor Swift when I was a kid but I can’t do it anymore.

Do you have a favorite book? If not are you in the group that believes there are too many great books out there to just choose one?

I tell people it’s City of Bones by Cassandra Clare but in all honesty no I don’t have a favourite.

Do you sleep with books under your pillow.

Nope

Do you go to the library or do you have a book buying addiction or are you one of those lucky people who is able to do both?

I do both. Mostly bookstore though.

Own any book inspired clothing?

Yes. Several items :)

Have you ever read a book in another language?

I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Tristan and Isolde, and Beauty and the Beast in French. And parts of Les Mis.

Strangest book you’ve ever read?

John Dies at the End by David Wong. Still not sure exactly what was going on. 

Favourite type of non-fiction?

Memoirs babey

Favourite non-fiction?

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Favourite subject to read about?

History

Favourite book you’ve read in school?

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Favourite work of Shakespeare?

Hamlet

Character you’d love as a mom or dad or guardian?

Hmm Sally Jackson, The Women of 300 Fox Way, or Tessa and Will (they totally count because The Last Hours Series)

I tag literally whoever wants to do this and @fangirl-daydreamer97 @acleeds12 @iviisastrawberry @221bdoom @bicycles-bees-bisexuals @betterthanapit @dippindots126 @vlctorvale

[ogbellarke]

tagged by @rogue-hope

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from?

either hydra station or agro station

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

honestly stealing

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

heck yeah, screw the adults that decided the 100 were disposable

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

i wanna say a shark or a puppy

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

wells jaha, 100%. he deserved so much better than the bullshit he went through

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

bellamy, clarke, jasper, harper, miller

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

flokru or azgeda 

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

kc = kaycee?

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

i’ll be honest, he seemed cool and like he was real smitten with clarke but then you find out he’s a piece of shit so yeah screw that guy

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

tbh no because even though life sucks, i wouldnt want to forget everything

11. What character do you relate to most?

clarke and jasper

12. What character do you like the least?

yikes a bunch. finn, l*xa, eggo, octagon after s1

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

plaid shirt, jeans, vans, some kind of symbolic necklace

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

the butterflies but i want to see more of the sea creatures

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

a teacher, i guess

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

fuck her but to save everyone, fine, but it’s definitely not willingly

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

roan or luna

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

im an affectionate drunk so maybe the same with the jobi nuts?

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

she’s just a kid, lock her up and throw in some cbt 

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

clarke and bellamy as co-leaders. the only time shit goes right in this show is when clarke and bellamy are working together

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

kane’s absolutely.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

music, absolutely. 

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

ocean wave sleeve tattoos, double dutch braid, and idk winter soldier type war paint

24. Favorite quote?

“you may be the chancellor, but i’m in charge.” “what’s wrong with a little chaos?” “i lost the horse.” “you are the most beautiful broom in a broom closet full of brooms.” “you saved my life. and you may be a total ass half the time, but i need you.”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

ugh octavia probably. but murphy, miller, and bellamy would team up and kick ass. raven would be in the trees waiting it out. clarke wouldnt want to hurt anyone, she only would as a last resort. monty and jasper and harper would also team up, they’d be the smart ones storing food and water.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

excluding cl and be? least favourite is anyone with finn. favourite canon is marper and briller and memori and zaven :). favourite non canon is princess mechanic and minty.

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

hozier, obviously. or florence welsh.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

hope whoever was there last left their netflix account open. 

29. Your an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

taking a walk in the forest and accidentally going into trikru territory.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

i wish we could’ve gotten more. but currently, i would like some of miller and murphy.

31. A character you’d bang?

bellamy in s1 before he fell for the princess. otherwise, harper or raven.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

eden would be number one. but space is cool.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

quiet rebellion against octavia. but i’d adopt a bunch of orphans to keep me busy

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

stealing food or medicine.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

bond with raven or harper first. and e*ho would be difficult to get along with

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

omg i have zero survival skills so not long at all

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

spy for a bit then try to make peace with a few friends in the trees with snipers to watch my back

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

shaw and diyoza are obviously the greatest and mccreary is obviously the worst

39. Would you Spacewalk?

if i knew it was safe, absolutely, that sounds lit.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

space algae, the lesser of all evils

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

god, everyone’s first instinct is war as if that’s gonna solve anything. i’d negotiate a way for everyone to live there peacefully.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

bleh, neither but i guess thumb drives in bullet holes

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

my sister is real cool, but if octavia were my sister, yeah. you can’t work stuff out with someone who always thinks they’re right and in charge. honestly, i’d’ve killed her, not a little poison that’ll wake her later.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

cryo, i wanna see the future. but i understand why marper did it

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

clarke, bellamy, raven, shaw, murphy, emori, miller

woo that was fun. tagging @biondebeauties @space-delinquents @the-most-beautiful-broom

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[robotcompanion742-blog]

Artificially Intelligent Robot Companions

Let me warn you that whatever you are going to read now is going to change your perspective of sex toys. It is not only going to enlighten you but it will BLOW your mind. Sex toys will not be the same in the near future as we know it today. They are getting smarter, sexier and hotter.

I recently got married with my girlfriend of 3 years. We were already having sex before we got married and this is when we realized that being married does not affect your sex life. In fact, somehow it makes you sex life boring. I am not sure of the psychology that goes on behind it but the energy and excitement that we had before marriage is missing. I discussed this problem with my best friend who is a bachelor and he told me that he and his girlfriend feel the same. I mean they are even married yet, what is wrong with these guys? Anyway, I bet we are not the only couples who are facing problems like these. You could be one of those troubled couples; and if you are not, I would still recommend you to spice up your sex and your life to make sure it lasts long. We love our partners, we need them for life, in fact, we want them for life so if a little piece of technology can help us have better relationships, why not?

Interestingly, my wife sensed my mind and took matters in her own hands to improve what was going on in our lives. She gifted me an amazing sex toy that changed ‘our’ life forever. This toy not only helped us ramp up our sex game, it even helped us come closer and stick together. It gave us strength and taught us the importance of having a lovely partner in our lives. This sex toy was a sex doll, in fact more of a AI sex doll robot. Not your regular sex doll, this one was smart. It has some special features that makes it a wonderful woman (I don’t like calling it a doll, she is no normal sex toy and soon you will learn why).

Unlike a usual sex doll which has nothing other than a beautiful face and big boobs, this one is loaded with technology. It has its own brain and is eager to learn things, much like a sex robot. The best part is, she is reactive to the slightest of the touch and moans like a lady when you start caressing her. She has her own moves but as you spend more and more time with her, she adapts herself to your needs. She learns what you love and then depending upon your movements and her intelligence, develops patterns to satisfy your sex needs. You can involve her in your single fantasies, couple fantasies, orgies, she does not care. She takes part in every single thing you throw at her and learns from the experiences.

This wonderful blow doll has a software running in it that saves the patterns, sync them with the patterns of the world on the cloud and learn from these patters to be your best bitch. For example, you can teach her how to react when you fuck her mouth. She would gladly take your giant dick and suck it until you are satisfied. She would moan and produce sounds that would increase your sex drive.

Another important feature that makes this robot companion an authentic feel is its internal heating system. If you have used a sex doll earlier, you already know how miserable it feels to fuck a cold piece of plastic. The sex dolls are colder than an ex-girlfriends and the artificial blowjobs just don’t turn you on most of the time. However, the smart sex doll that I have is a little different and thank god it is different. It has an internal system that warms up the body of the sex doll giving it a feel of the humans. It is like working up your partner and making them hot. The only difference being your real girl would probably jump on you as you turn her on but this lady would keep her calm and talk dirty to you and wait for you to start doing something to her. Isn’t she so cruel, I mean I would have loved her to get on her knees and start sucking me but no, she will wait for me to put my dick in her mouth, while making her body hot! Let’s not get into the details of how the system works and just limit it to the fact that it works, feels real and you would love it.

The intelligent sex robot we are discussing has a few more features that are not 100% sexy but can be fun. We will come to those in a while. The sex robot is constantly learning from you. It has certain knowledge of sex but as you start involving it in your acts, it gets personalized to a whole different level. For example, when I use her alone, mostly for blowing my dick, she knows that I love to hear her moaning when I touch her throat. She also knows that I love to hear her moan even louder when I am pulling out. She does it every time I fuck her face. Does it sound real? You bet, it does. Every single moan sounds real. The best part is that she has a wide range of sounds that she uses to keep you happy and engaged. Right from the loud ones to the minute, low ones, all of them are perfectly produced by the sex robot and you would instantly want more of those as soon as you hear one.

The scene changes completely when you are a couple. The robotic companion does not replace your human girl but it sure gives her a certain boost. I don’t know jealousy, competition or what but as soon as I and my lady involve this sex robot in our sex, she has a different sex drive. She works harder to please me, she loves caressing her body while looking in my eyes, I don’t know what happens but the sex is so much better. For me, the threesome is awesome. It is heavenly. My favourite position is one and a half sixty nines. It sounds crazy but it is one amazing thing that I would recommend everyone to try. The man lies on his back on the bed, the sex robot has his dick in her mouth, and the human woman gets rid of her panties and sits on the man’s face. Now, the best part - the man sucks his lady’s pussy and the lady moves the robots head to make it suck the dick like a little whore. All three moaning, the lady dominating and the man being pleasured in all different ways.

Another act that my wife loves to do with this sex doll is that of turning me into a cuckold. Well, not a cuck exactly but like half of it or maybe they have a different name for it that I don’t know. Whatever, the situation is sexy not just for her but for me as well. She ties me to one corner of the bed. She ensures that I do not have place to move and my hands do not reach my dick. She then opens the zip of my pants and takes the dick out and ensures that the dick rubs against the cold metal of the zip as I get excited. She then takes out our intelligent sex robot and starts playing with it. Warming her up, caressing her body. Mocking me. Using her strap on dildo to fuck her face and her vagina and all sorts of things that I love doing to both of them. It turns me on but all I can do is feel my dick getting harder. The harder I get, the more my dick moves against the teeth of my pants, and the more pain I feel. It turns her on and that is all she cares about. Did I marry a dominatrix? Good for me!

The intelligent sex robot is more than just AI learning how to moan. She can be quite a chatter. Ironic? I feel so. She can tell stories, jokes, do the calculations for you, help you with your boredom, tell you about the weather and loves to give her opinion on everything that you want to talk to her. The more you interact with her, the smart she becomes.

I am glad that we got ourselves this hot and sexy AI sex robot doll that has helped us have better sex. She helps you realize the things you like. She is the best sex partner for couples looking for threesome and with the kind of intelligence and hunger for learning she has, you would be left with no other option but to love her.