#shes so important to me and i get genuinely emotional when i see her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baby-yongbok · 4 months

Text

𝘗𝘪𝘯𝘬 + 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦

Hwang Hyunjin 𝗑 Afab!Reader

♡ Genre - Friends to Lovers

♡ CW - Explicit Sexual Content, Unprotected Sex, Nightmares, Alcohol usage by reader, Hyunjin calls reader rose as a nickname, One use of 'y/n'.

♡ Summary - Your avoidant tendencies have allowed the burn of pink and white to keep you Hyunjin at a safe distance until it all comes crashing down. Can the fire that kept you apart also be what brings you together?

♡ Word Count - 9.2k

♡ A/N - I went from not being sure if I liked this fic to being in love with it. I think that it's a very sweet fic and I loved writing it. I worked so hard on it and I'm so proud of it. The goal was for it to be 4k words.. then I almost posted it at 8k but now... yeah. I hope that you love this as much as I do!

♡ Playlist - Pink + White - Frank Ocean, Rainy Days - V, For Us - V, Beautiful Things - Benson Boone, Trajectories - Bruno Major

✧ Masterlist ✧

When you were six years old you punched a boy in the face on the playground. That was the first time that you ever felt the burn of genuine fear.

Your mom along with the many others came swirling around them. When your mother asked you what happened you cried. You clung to her running over to you and the crying brunette boy on the playground with a mix of emotions and explained the best you could through your tears that you didn’t like that he was chasing you, when you agreed to play tag you thought that you’d be the chaser not the one being chased.

That was the day that you learned two things about yourself, you have a habit of acting impulsively when you’re scared and you don’t like being chased. It's suffocating.

As you got older your friends described you as the avoidant type, especially in relationships. You developed a reputation for being an ice queen in your Sophomore year of university which led to you being one of the most sought after girls on campus.

You’ve lost friends because of this. Their boyfriends saw getting close to them as a gateway to meeting you. Many guys took dating you as a challenge with an end prize of overnight popularity. Unfortunately, some of your closest relationships have been destroyed because of it. You learned not to be sad about it, you’ve come to terms with it, this is just the way that it goes. Of course your other friends were all important to you but you always told yourself that you’re alright with losing them as long as you have your best friend by your side.

“More roses? Are you in love or something?” You weaved through the cluttered art studio that Hyunjin has claimed as his own. It’s on the dead side of campus on the second floor of a building that was abandoned last year. Your best friend refused to let the studio go when it was shut down, he says that it houses some of his fondest memories.

“Always in love, never loved back.” He quips, eyes still trained on the canvas. “You’re early.”

You jump up onto one of the few clear desks in the room, right behind his easel. “Chemistry ended early.” Hyunjin stands straight, eyeing his canvas for a second before looking over at you. He knows that you’re skipping class. Your last hook-up is in that class and you're trying to avoid his attempt at getting you in his bed again. If you’re being honest, the decision to sleep with him was impulsive. You blame the beer, all eight of them.

“I thought that we could go to the exhibition early.” He starts another brush stroke and silence swallows you both. “I’m excited about it and if I’m being honest I just wanna spend time with you. I’ve barely seen you for the past three days.”

Hyunjin’s steady hand wavers and he thanks his lucky stars that you didn’t see it. “Aw she misses me. She loves me so much.” The sound of your feet hitting the ground as you jump off of the desk echoes through the dusty room of stacked chairs and forgotten storage items.

Hyunjin stands and dips the paint brush covered in bright pink in the cup of water next to him. “You could’ve come to my place ya know.” You grab your stuff, swinging your bag onto your shoulder.

“Your brother is there, you know how he gets.” You scrunch your face at the thought of Hyunjin’s step brother, Jeongin. The two of you get along perfectly, almost as well as you and Hyunjin until Jeongin starts flirting. He confessed to you on New Years and you’ve been avoiding him ever since. He’s too sweet for you, you’d hate to hurt him. “I’m gonna go change, I’ll meet you by your car.”

“You brought a costume change for an art exhibit?” He asks as he starts cleaning his space.

“Of course, I need to look like art too.” You smile at him but he doesn’t smile back, he rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the mess of paints and rags on the desk in front of him. He waits until he hears the door open and close behind you to finally let the corners of his mouth turn up. He chuckles to himself quietly while his mind comes up with responses that he’d never dare to utter out loud.

“This one looks like you, rose.” The year old nickname slips off of Hyunjin’s tongue like silk. You’ve never fully understood how the name stuck. You figured that it’s because roses are his favorite flower and he thought it was cute. You’ve never asked for its origin but you don’t mind the name. It’s sweet.

You turn to view the series of pink, white and green dots making up a bouquet of roses on the framed canvas in front of Hyunjin. He studies it with smiling eyes though the neutral look on his face could fool those who haven’t experienced him like you have.

“It’s pretty.” You mumble as you lean your head on his shoulder. You wrap your arm around his and the sleeve of the brown oversized flannel shirt that you picked out a year ago rides up his forearm a bit, he blames the chills running up his spine on the breeze against the newly exposed skin.

“I knew I’d see you here.” The voice of a woman next to Hyunjin startles you a bit. You stand straight and watch as Hyunjin smiles towards her. He’s cursing her in his head for interrupting the moment between the two of you but he learned a long time ago to just live in the moment when it comes to you.

“Of course, I had to see this exhibition.” He shakes her hand and you chalk it up to her being someone important though she doesn’t look much older than either of you. “You put it together beautifully.”

Ah, she owns the gallery. “Oh, please, it’s nothing. I just hope that you’re enjoying it. I actually thought about you when I put this piece up.” She motions towards the art in front of the two of you. The piece that Hyunjin says resembles you. “It looks like something you’d design. I’m still desperate to organize a local exhibition for you, ya know.”

Hyunjin laughs but it's stiff and polite. He’s being shy. He’s a very cautious person but he reaches a whole new level when it comes to his art. “I’m not quite on that level yet.”

“I disagree but I won’t bother you about it until you graduate. This is your final semester, right?” You can see her eyes smiling just like Hyunjin’s were a second ago as she checks him out. She’s shameless in her actions, the glint in her eyes is far from professional.

“Yes, just three months to go.” She nods, dragging her gaze up from his lips with a smile.

“Call me when you graduate, I’d love to have you working with us.” She pulls a business card out of her pocket and flashes one last smile before waving a reluctant goodbye towards your best friend.

Silence settles between the two of you for just a couple of seconds before you break it. “She wants to fuck you so badly that she didn’t even look at me.” Hyunjin scoffs at your whispered words as he slips the card into his pocket. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t notice. How old is she anyway? She looks a bit young to be in charge of this place.”

“Her father owns it.” He mumbles as he grabs your wrist and leads you over to the next piece of art.

“Oh, of course. She probably thought I was your girlfriend, ya know. She’s rude as hell for not even asking or looking at me. I know she saw me here, she’s clearly -” You’re pulled into Hyunjin’s side before you can finish your sentence. The sudden action cuts you off with a heavy thump of your heart and that painfully familiar burn rising in your chest.

“Look at this one.” Your eyes are on him but his are on the art. “This one looks like you too.” You pull your gaze away from him to view the piece. The thumping in your chest doubles once your gaze meets your own. It’s a mirror with pink and white abstract designs floating around and over the glass. The paint is so messy yet strategic. It leaves just enough room for your reflection.

“It’s messy yet elegant, don’t you think? You can’t help but to stare..” He’s visibly smiling now. The corners of his mouth turn up as he studies the art in front of him. As he studies you. “This one might be my favorite. It’ll be hard to beat it.”

“I don’t like it.” You mutter quickly, pulling away from Hyunjin and turning towards the next piece. You try your best to steady your breathing. You will your heart to calm down so that you can take a complete breath but it’s betraying you. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

You’re walking away before Hyunjin can reply. He watches you with that smile in his eyes as you disappear around the corner. He knew that what he pulled would be a risk but it was one that he was willing to take. He doesn’t call you beautiful nearly as much as he should or as much as he really wants to.

In the bathroom you’re slumped against the door of a stall while you try to catch your breath. You don’t like how Hyunjin’s words made that white hot burn in your chest kick up. You don’t like the way that his eyes being on you made you feel like you were the only two in the entire gallery. It’s suffocating.

When you step out of the stall your fingers are busy on your phone screen. You find your friend Isa’s number quickly and take a sigh of relief when she answers on the third ring. You bypass reciprocating her kind greeting and get right to the point.

“Get-together at yours tomorrow?”

You’re standing in the middle of the Pink and White art exhibition. Other viewers jumble together along the walls of the gallery and crowd the pieces. You can’t see anything but their blurred faces decorating the white walls. There’s a slow yet heavy beating in your ears but you’re comfortable. You’re alone in the middle of it all, watching everyone from a pleasant distance as you turn to study them all as if they’re the art on the walls.

The beating in your ears skips as you turn and come face to face with Hyunjin. He’s standing in front of you wearing that brown hat that you love and the oversized flannel that he bought just to share with you.

Suddenly the others in the room are quiet. All eyes are on you but Hyunjin’s gaze is the most piercing. His brown eyes are smiling at you with a softness that makes the flame in your chest burn brighter.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” You look around at everyone else but they’ve vanished along with the art on the walls. The beating in your ears picks up, it’s deafening but Hyunjin’s voice can be heard loud and clear over the noise.

“I like staring at you.” He takes a step towards you but you take two back. He frowns and steps forward again. You repeat the process until your back is against the wall. “Why do you do that?”

“I’m not doing anything.” You swallow hard as you try to push him away but he’s stronger than you. As strong as stone caging you against the stark white wall. “I can’t breathe.” You’re pushing as hard as you can but it’s no use. You’re stuck under him.

“Why do you do this?” He’s still staring down at you, a burning gaze setting your skin ablaze. “Why do you keep running?” The beating in your ears drowns out all sensible thoughts. You can feel your veins swelling with fear and the blinding white burning in your chest puffs up with the crushing pressure of having him so close. Too close.

“Back up.” You inhale the thick air, feeling dizzy. “Move.”

“Stop running.” You try to inhale but it gets stuck in your throat. You want to scream. You need to escape. You need to get out of here.

You lift your heavy arm the best you can and pull back enough to punch Hyunjin. You aim for his face but your fist goes through him just as your lungs start to burn, you take one last look at him before the wall behind you gives out and you’re falling backwards. Hyunjin watches you, his eyes are void of that sparkling smile and guilt consumes you right before you hit the ground.

You jump up with a gasp as your eyes frantically search the room around you. Your chest rises and falls heavily and sweat beads at your hairline.

It was a dream.

Friday is a late day for you with your last class ending at nine in the evening. Hyunjin always waits for you in the abandoned art studio, he waits for two hours just to walk you to your dorm across campus. It’s become a routine for the two of you but you told him not to wait up tonight. He was reluctant at first, he insisted on waiting for you but you were adamant about breaking your routine.

He agreed eventually but you could see the dejection in his eyes as he hugged you goodbye before your last class. He watched you walk away just like he always did but this time his heart was heavy in his chest. Did he do something wrong?

That question haunted him throughout the day. It was loud in his head as he collected his stuff and made his way to the abandoned studio. It echoed in his ears as he tried to finish the painting of his vibrant rose that he’s added notes of dusty pale pink to. But it was the loudest when Jeongin called him to ask if he was going to the get-together at Minho’s place tonight.

He knows that you and Minho’s girlfriend Isa are close so you have to know about this, hell, you might’ve even helped plan it and you kept it from him. You’re avoiding him.

You skipped your class to head to Minho and Isa’s place. They share a small apartment right off of campus that you often use as an escape. Isa is one of the few friends that you still have from sophomore year since her boyfriend has never once tried to get in your pants.

You sat on Isa’s bed clutching a bottle of soju that is not at all meant for one person while you laid your head in her lap. You loved being with her because there was never any pressure to fill the silence. She understands you in a way that other people just don’t. Not even Hyunjin.

“So, he called you pretty?” You’ve been telling her everything from what happened at the art gallery to the nightmare you had last night. “And now you’re avoiding him?”

“I’m not avoiding him.” You take a swig from the glass bottle and gulp hard to rush the alcohol into your system. “I’m just being careful.”

“You’re being careful by avoiding your best friend… because he called you pretty and you had a nightmare about it?” You sit up with a groan, lifting the bottle to your mouth again with a sigh. She’s not getting it.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me. You didn’t feel the way he pulled me into him, his arm wrapped around my waist and he just stared at me with that smile in his eyes. You know the one that makes his eyes shine when he sees something pretty? He was looking at me like that and he told me that I looked elegant. Messy but elegant and that he couldn’t help but to stare. There was a softness in his voice, I swear, and he just wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. It’s like he was looking into me instead of at me it was… it was..”

“Sweet?” You tap the bottle in your hands with your nails.

“Suffocating. It was too much. It made my heart skip and it made me feel hot.”

“That usually means that you like him, ya know.” She takes the bottle from you, drinking from it a bit herself. “ You know that he’s a romantic and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt like this with him.” She hands the cold glass back to you while you think back to the other times that you’ve felt this. The latest being your birthday three months ago when Hyunjin whisked you away to the next city for a mini getaway.

You stayed in the same hotel room and on the night of your birthday you had a bit too much to drink. He carried you up to your room since you were too out of it to walk but you weren’t too far gone to forget the way that he handled you with such gentle care.

He brushed your hair out of your face when he laid you on your bed and took your make-up off with such a tender touch that it made you want to kiss him. You almost kissed him.

“I don’t like him like that.” You shrug and she sighs.

“Whatever you say, ice queen.” That damned nickname makes you cringe but Minho is bursting through the door before you can rebuttal.

“Jisung and Bin just got here, come on.” You stare at him with confused eyes and he crosses his arms as he stares back at you. “Well? Get up, you wanted to do this.”

“Do what?” You look over at Isa who’s already getting up from the bed.

“Did you not call her asking for a get-together? People are getting here so come on. I’m not hosting this by myself.” Your heart drops and you stare over at Isa who looks back at you with her own look of confusion until it all sinks in.

“You meant for it to be just us, didn’t you?”

Hyunjin is a cautious person, anyone who knows him knows that about him. He doesn’t like when things go wrong because of him. It eats him alive until he can fix it and if he can’t he lets the anxiety consume him until a part of him dies with the memory of it all.

His cautious nature is what prompted him to drive home after he got that call from Jeongin. It brought him right to his bedroom where he dropped his bag by the foot of his bed and laid back against the mattress with a death stare set on the dull ceiling. It stared back at him, reflecting his thoughts back to him for him to analyze.

His brother left for the get-together as soon as he walked through the door and Hyunjin was tempted to follow him down to Seungmin’s car.

He was tempted to drop his bag and turn on his heels and come straight to you but he knew better. He knew you better than you knew yourself. If he shows up at that get-together you’ll avoid him like the plague. You’ll feel trapped by his presence and any hope that he has of fixing this situation will die right in front of his eyes.

His cautious nature is what’s keeping him on his bed. It’s what’s grounding him to this spot and sating the burning desire to chase you. The problem is that the fire in his chest is bigger than he can handle. He’s seen how you treat the men you want to avoid on campus, he’s seen you take the long way home just to avoid a conversation and the thought of you doing that to him makes him wilt. He can’t let that happen.

His feet are carrying him across his room before he can even fully process it. He opens his closet and pulls out the brown flannel along with his brown beanie. They’ve become comfort items for the both of you at this point, especially the flannel. It feels like a thread connecting you to him and him to you. He needs to save that connection.

He sloppily throws on the items while he checks the clock. He’s nearly two hours late but there’s still time.

Hyunjin has never gotten a speeding ticket but he was nearly positive that he’d get one tonight. He made it to Minho’s place in record time but he’s panting when he knocks on the door like he’s ran there. His heart is hammering when Isa answers the door and the look on her face when she takes him in only makes his heart beat faster.

She forces a smile, inviting him in and telling him where everything is but he already knows all of that and she knows that he does. “She doesn’t want to see me does she?” Isa sighs, giving him a look that answers each and every one of his questions all at once.

“Thanks for letting me in.” He walks past her with a nervous huff, making his way into the small party and searching for you immediately. He finds Changbin and Chan before he can find you and the two quickly drag him into a conversation about gods know what while wedging a glass bottle of mystery liquid into his fist.

Hyunjin’s eyes wander in an attempt to find you as he ignores his friends' conversation. Luckily it didn’t take long for the sound of your loud laughter to echo through the room. His eyes were on you in an instant once he heard it. You’re right in front of him sitting in the truth or dare circle with a can of something strong in your hand. You’re always the loudest in the room but right now you seem to be the drunkest too, you shouldn’t be playing that game you’ll do something reckless.

He wants to go over and pull you up, he wants to tell you that you’re going home and that you need to sober up. He wants to get you to talk to him but he ignores everything he wants and watches you instead. He stays cautious and keeps his distance.

“Y/n, truth or dare.” One of your few girl friends, Harvey asks from across the circle. You answer ‘dare’ with a wide smile, it’s no surprise, you always pick that. The raven haired girl looks over to Mingi for assistance since she’s known for picking terrible dares. After a couple seconds of deliberation the blonde perks up with an idea.

“I dare you to kiss whoever this bottle lands on.” Mingi dares with a nonchalant smile and you shrug, the alcohol in your system is surely boosting your confidence but it’s not like you’ll remember any of this tomorrow so who cares, right?

He spins the bottle in the middle of the circle and everyone watches with quiet anticipation as it lands on the copper haired boy sitting three people away from you. It’s Jeongin.

He stops in the middle of sipping from his cup and flashes you a small innocent smile but what you return to him is nothing less than a look of raw seduction. You’re on your feet in an instant, making your way over to him with low and hazy eyes. You straddle him swiftly, getting comfortable in his lap like you’ve done this a hundred times.

“You sure about this, noona?” His hands rest on your thighs, he brushes his thumbs over the bareskin and you can feel a shiver down your spine. It almost reminds you of how Hyunjin touched you on your birthday.

“Do you not wanna kiss me?” You tease him with a slight slur to your voice. You know he wants to kiss you, everyone does except for Hyunjin, right?

Just as that thought passes your eyes flicker up and meet those of the very man on your mind. He’s watching you with an angry gaze as he fists the neck of the glass bottle in his hand. Your mouth goes dry as you take him in, when did he get here? You feel stuck staring at him, everything around you is suddenly muted and the people around you disappear. It’s only you and Hyunjin.

Both of your hearts are pounding in your chest.

Both of you feel like you can’t breathe.

Both of you are about to do something that you shouldn’t.

“Kiss her already!” Ryujin instigates from across the circle and you snap out of your haze and blink down at Jeongin. You both share a smile, one more genuine than the other, before he’s leaning into you. His lips just barely brush against yours before you’re interrupted.

A firm grip on your shoulder startles you and the man under you. You both look up to meet the eyes of the angry Hyunjin above you.“Get up.” He practically growls with a slight tug on your arm. You stare up at him with glassy eyes though you are feeling a bit more sober now. “Get. Up.”

You’re being pulled up before you can process it. Your feet fight to keep up with him as you stumble towards the bedroom he’s leading you to. You can feel all eyes on you, you can feel the room getting smaller once he locks the bedroom door behind the two of you and pulls his flannel off to drape over your shoulders, something that he does to comfort you.

“What the fuck?” That’s all you can manage to get out of your mouth as you stare over at him. He stares back with his arms crossed and his chest rising and falling with what you perceive as anger but he would describe as anxiety. Pure fear.

“Do you understand what you were about to do?” Hyunjin tries to be mindful of his tone. He tries to limit the waver of his words and calm the frantic thoughts in his head. He’s trying. “Why would you kiss him?”

“I didn’t.” The alcohol in your system takes over again and you thank the ridiculous amount of soju you’ve consumed for coming to the rescue. You tug on the flannel resting over your shoulders, pretending that its warmth would protect you from the buzzing in your head and inevitable burning in your chest.

“You would’ve if I didn’t stop you. What happened to you not being into Jeongin? What happened to you not wanting to hurt him?”

You groan, stomping your foot like a child being scolded by their guardian. Like the little girl who punched the brunette boy in the face for chasing her. “Why don’t you mind your business?”

Hyunjin scoffs, his anxiety grows in his chest and he takes a step back. “You are my business.”

It’s silent for one, two, three heartbeats before the dizzying emotions burning in your chest fill in the silence for you. “Well maybe I shouldn’t be. You’re way too attached to me.”

Hyunjin feels frozen even though he’s stepping back from you. He’s creating more space between the two of you just like you seem to be doing. What do you mean by that? You’re rambling on before he can ask. “You do all of these things that make me feel like I can’t breathe. You call me pretty and you touch me softly and you hold me close and… and you just make me feel hot. You suffocate me.”

Hyunjin whispers through the bubbles forming in his throat. He’s gentle with the way he speaks, he is a cautious person after all, especially when it comes to his art. “Is this about what I said at the gallery?”

His question goes in one ear and right out the other. Your brain formulates words quicker than you can process them, creating a violent episode of word vomit that threatens to spill over your lips and onto the carpet but you swallow hard and condense it all into one simple yet seering sentence. “You keep making my heart race, it’s not fair. You need to go, just go.”

Hyunjin’s blood runs cold and his temples throb like you’ve hit him. Like you’ve punched him in the face. Anxiety bubbles in his veins and swells behind his eyes. It’s his turn to ramble, the word vomit seems to be contagious.

“I’m not leaving.” His gaze is frantic, cautious, scared. “I am too attached, you’re right. I have been for a while. I’ve loved you for a while and I tried to hide it but I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t be scared that I’ll lose my best friend if I tell her that she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“No, you are not confessing to me right now. Don’t you dare do that.” You pace to the left then the right in a hurried attempt to escape his words before they could reach you. He can’t be doing this right now. You needed to get out of here.

“I am. I am confessing to you. I need you to hear me say that I love you because I do and it scares me just as much as it scares you but you are the reason that it’s scaring me. Losing you is the reason that I’m afraid and I need you to tell me that that isn’t going to happen.” His voice is shaky just like your hands. He watches you like a dog being dropped off at the pound as you physically try to escape him. He knew this would happen, this is what he was afraid of.

“Stop. Just stop it, Hyunjin. You’re doing it again, I can’t breathe when you’re this close to me.” He stares over at you from the other side of the room and you stare back at him. This doesn’t make any sense. He isn’t next to you but you still can’t breathe. It doesn’t make any sense. “I have to go - I have - just… just leave me alone.” You turn towards the bedroom door but he speaks up before you can make your escape.

“I’m not going to chase you.” Hyunjin is unmoving. His feet are still planted to the floor like a statue as he slips his fists into his pocket. “I don’t want to push you further away but don’t you dare go home and convince yourself that I don’t care just because I let you go.”

You listen to him over your hammering heart with your back turned to him and your unsteady gaze trained on the worn door knob. “I’m letting you go with the hope that you’ll come back. You know where to find me.”

Your feet threaten to betray you, they try to turn you around and drive you over to him but your heart is screaming. That white flame is burning in your chest and begging you to run. Run as fast as you can and find safety, but your safety is standing behind you. It’s watching you with teary eyes that are desperate to meet yours.

A tear slips down your cheek as you grab the doorknob and pull it with a quick twist. You follow your heart and rush out of the room with tears decorating your face and your hand over your mouth. You let the burning win again.

You rush past everyone, Isa tries to stop you and Minho even catches you for a minute but you fight him off of you and make your way to the front door. You don’t get too far before the last layer of your resolve snaps, You turn onto the next dark block and sink to the ground. Sobs rip through you as Hyunjin’s words hang in your head. He loves you. He wants you but you left him. You left everything you’ve ever wanted behind you.

A heavier sob escapes you as the truth of it all comes crashing down. You love him too, don’t you? You’ve loved him for so long. Since your birthday and beyond that but you’ve been avoiding it. You’ve avoided your feelings just like you have everything else. You’ve punched yourself in the face, you’ve chased yourself into a corner and now you might just lose everything you have left. You might lose your best friend.

The storms over the next two days swirl the skies into mysterious clouds of pink and white as rain soaks the grass the same way that you’ve soaked your pillow for hours. You’ve opted to stay in, avoiding anything or anyone that could remind you of Friday’s catastrophe.

You’ve debated texting Jeongin and apologizing for what you remember of the situation. You almost called Isa to spill the fears bubbling in your lungs to her so that she could help you sort through them but she can’t. This is up to you. You need to make a choice. Will you run away from the fire or towards it?

On the other side of campus Hyunjin sits in the abandoned studio with paint stained hands and dried tears on his cheeks. He’s left his previous painting incomplete. The bright blushing rose sits across the room with the others just like it while he touches his brush to the canvas and smears a smoky mauve to the pristine white flesh. His lines are messy and uncalculated. Far from cautious.

For a moment he considers that he was only ever careful because of you. Your lack of control over your emotions inspired him to fill in the blanks for you. Now there’s no need for caution without you.

The rain carried into Monday along with the emptiness in your chest. You’ve typed and deleted paragraphs to Hyunjin who has done the same as he sat on the studio floor.

He stayed in the dusty room until midnight each day that he was without you and you stayed up well past then. He poured himself into painting and you poured yourself onto the carpet of your dorm room. You made lists and mapped your emotions until it all started to make a bit more sense. Until the love that burned alongside your hot white fear was glowing pink in the mirror.

You skipped your classes on Monday, your feet drove you over to the dead side of campus through the violent rain. You stood in the hallway outside of Hyunjin’s studio. The worn copper doorknob stared back at you like it knew what you were here to do. Like it was daring you to go inside. You suck in a breath as you grab the metal, you’ve never been one to back down from a dare.

The studio is empty when you walk inside. The fading warm light of the lamps that you and Hyunjin bought and snuck in illuminate the space the best that they can given the dull pink skies. Your eyes catch on the new piece sitting up on his easel. It’s dark and runny, it’s raw and it feels like it’s calling your name.

“Hi.” Hyunjin’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. His voice is small and surprised as he stares over at your frame clad in that famous brown flannel and sweatpants.

“Hi.” You whisper back. He looks like a mess. Brown hat, pulled too far over his head and his hair spilling from every exit it can find. “More roses?”

He stares passed you and over at the wilting petals on the canvas with a sad smile. “It’s like I’m in love or something.”

Your guilt tinged heart beats a bit faster when he steps further into the room and closes the door behind him. He drops his bag next to the door and stares at the dinghy tile with his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry. For everything, for the party and everything with your brother and for everything that I said.”

The word vomit is back. It spilled over your lips before you could attempt to swallow it back but you’re almost thankful for it. You have no clue how you’d get your words out otherwise. “You just made me feel… I just felt..” You kick at the cracked tile as if it holds the answers you’re looking for but Hyunjin beats you to it.

“Suffocated.” His eyes are on you now, they’re low and shadowed in a longing sadness. “I’ve seen this happen a million times to other guys and I thought that I was being careful enough to avoid it.”

“This is nothing like the other guys.” Your bag slumps off of your shoulder and you carelessly allow it to hit the floor. “Your confession just -” He cuts you off with a tight smile.

“I know. It ruined everything.” He sighs, sad eyes examining the space between the two of you. “I ruined everything and I’m sorry for that, rose. I really am.”

“It didn't. It didn’t ruin anything, it just scared me. I felt suffocated, yes, but not by you. It was by what I felt for you. That’s why this isn’t like what happened with any of the other guys. I never wanted them. Avoiding them was easy but you… avoiding you..” Hyunjin watches your heaving chest with the caution that he thought had abandoned him. He’s quiet, allowing you time to gather your thoughts. He doesn’t want to corner you, he just wants to hear you.

“Why do you call me that?” You whisper once your breathing has steadied. “Why did you start calling me rose?”

Suddenly he’s looking past you then down at the tile under his feet. He leans against the door behind him, a faint smile decorating his sad face. “You were wearing one in your hair on the day that I realized I love you.” He looks over to where his easel is set up. “We were sitting right there and you had a pale pink rose behind your left ear. You picked me one to match and I told you that it was my favorite flower because in that moment it was. It was beautiful but you…your beauty is hard to beat.”

Your heart is thumping in your ears, it’s a sound that you’ve grown comfortable with over the past few days. The clutter of the abandoned room almost seems to disappear as you process his words. The burning in your chest makes itself known along with the newly identified pink flame. The white walls of the studio almost seem brighter as you receive Hyunjin’s confession. You let it sink in and drown out the tension little by little. “So when you paint them…”

“I’m painting you. I’m always painting you.” The thumping is deafening but Hyunjin is clear over the noise. He has always been the only one who can cut through it all, even in your dreams.

You can feel yourself falling just like in your nightmare only it’s forwards. You’re falling forwards as your feet carry you to him. You run. You run to him and you fall into his arms that have been desperate to catch you for months. The burn in your chest is paralyzing, it’s seering and fighting the pink flame for dominance.

You cry into his chest, you sob as the pain of running into the fire engulfs you. It swallows you whole and you stand in it with him, you cling to him before you burn to ash and he holds you like he knows it all. He cradles the back of your head like he can feel the fire ripping your flesh apart.

You’re flush against him, tears soaking his shoulder and burning all over until he does what no one has done before. He puts it all out. A simple kiss to the top of your head dowses the flame and reduces it to a measly spark of fear overshadowed by an uncontainable pink and white glow of love in your chest.

You gasp at the cooling effect. Air rushes into your lungs and you can finally breathe, he’s the oxygen you needed. He’s everything you’ve needed but now you want to give your air away again. You want to give it all to him.

You pull away from his shoulder in one swift motion, your eyes are shut tight as your lips find his and you pull him into a hard and messy kiss. The sound that escapes you both is desperate and beautiful. His lips move with yours in an uncoordinated rhythm that makes your lungs burn comfortably. They burn the way that they’re supposed to.

Hyunjin cries into the kiss. Tears stream down his cheeks as he cradles you against him like you’d vanish if he didn’t. He drinks it all in, he allows himself to live in this moment that he’s been dying to have with you for what feels like an eternity before he reluctantly breaks the kiss.

His eyes are still closed when he pulls away. He whispers to you, careful not to crack the shell of this delicate moment. “I thought you -”

“I don’t want to keep running. I can’t, I need you. I can’t lose you.” Your eyes flutter open at the same time as his. He stares down at you with that smile in his eyes. That smile he has when he sees something beautiful, when he’s utterly enamored by the sight before him. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to do any of this, I only know that I want to do it with you.”

He’s quiet for a couple of seconds before a smile sneaks up on him. It fades just as quickly as it came and his eyebrows pinch together. “You want me?” You nod and the smile shows itself again.

“I want you.” He leans back in, cupping your cheek as he kisses you hard. His body pushes against yours and you move with him as he walks backwards towards one of the few empty desks and lifts you onto it.

His hands explore every inch of you that he can reach. He balls his fist over the baggy flannel hiding your body from him while your fingers tangle in his hair and scratch over his shoulders and up his arms.

He breaks the kiss to run his lips over the flushed flesh of your neck, he whispers into your skin between each kiss “Tell me to stop.” He pulls at the collar of the flannel to kiss the curve of your neck. “I’ve waited so long for this, please tell me to stop. Tell me to wait.”

You push his head further into the crook of your neck as you tilt your head further to give him better access. “I don’t want you to.” He sucks a mark into the skin right below your ear and you pull his tucked in shirt from his pants with an elated moan.

His clumsy fingers fight to unbutton the oversized flannel as yours attempt to unbutton his jeans. You reach your goal before he does and waste no time capitalizing on your victory. You dip your hand in just enough to fish his growing erection from his briefs and wrap your hand around it.

Hyunjin moans at the stimulation, leaning his forehead against yours and squeezing his eyes shut as you stroke him slowly. “Fuck, please don’t, I wont - I can’t last.”

You kiss his temple softly, whispering reassurance that you don’t care to have him last, you just want to have him. Once he’s centered himself again he continues his struggle to expose your body to him. The final button falls open like the curtain to a play and he stares down your scantily clad torso like an audience in awe.

His hand moves on its own as he admires you. It dips into the waistband of your sweatpants and swipes over your clothed clit.

Your head falls forward to rest on his shoulder with a quiet moan as he groans into the air. Your grip on his cock tightens a bit in response to the sensation and he hisses. “Please tell me I can feel you. Is it okay? Can I?”

He doesn't want your first time to be here but he wants you. He needs you.

Hyunjin hooks a finger into the damp gusset of your panties and pulls it to the side just enough to slip a finger into your waiting cunt. You pant in his ear, wanton moans bubble over the brim of your lips as his free hand cradles the side of your neck. “Look at me, please look at me, baby.”

He runs his thumb over your cheek, brushing over the path of your dried tears. “So pretty, this must be a dream.” You shake your head. Speaking between moans. “Not a dream, baby.”

He slips in another finger as you circle your palm over the head of his cock and you both moan. “Please tell me I can.” He leans his forehead against yours, his desperate eyes reflect the look in your own.

“You can. Please, I want you to.”

“Have you ever thought about it?” He’s asking before he can process it and you’re shaking your head before he can even finish his sentence. A shy glaze washes over your desperate gaze as you watch him undress you.

“You’re all I ever think about.” He whispers as he hooks his thumbs into the band of your pants. “You’re all I’ve wanted for the past year.”

“I’ve loved you since my birthday.” You blurt out, vulnerable eyes peering into his. “Maybe even before that.” He runs a finger over your clothed cunt and you shudder under the touch.

“I wanted to kiss you the night of your birthday. You looked so beautiful but you were wasted. You wouldn’t have remembered. I just stared at you, I took your make-up off and I brushed the hair from your face and you stared back at me. I was just dying to kiss you. I was dying to confess.” Your hand runs slowly up his shaft and he swears that he feels electric.

“I wanted to kiss you too.” He’s quiet, staring back at you with a smile. “That’s why I was staring”

“I kissed your forehead when you fell asleep.” He pulls your panties down your legs, allowing them to pool at his feet with your sweatpants. “I knelt by your bed and whispered my confession to you.”

His fingers are filling you again and you gasp while staring into his eyes. “I wanna hear it.” You whisper through a moan.

“You want to hear my confession?” You nod, your gently fucked out gaze stares into his like your hypnotized by the moment. He scissors his finger into you, stretching you out just a bit before you’re gasping from the stretch of him replacing his fingers with his length.

“Fuck, you’re inside of me.” Hyunjin stills with a groan. His forehead rests on your shoulder while he silently begs himself not to come undone just yet. He sucks in a breath before he recites all that he can remember.

“You’re everything that I thought it would be to fall in love.” He whispers as he pulls back, thrusting into you slowly. “You really snuck up on me, I don’t know what I expected though.” He lifts his head to look at you as he sinks back into you. “You became my world so quickly. So effortlessly.”

You cup his face with both of your hands as you bite back your moans. You want to hear him loud and clear. You want to remember every word. “I should’ve known that I’d fall in love when I first met you.” He picks up the pace, falling into a messy rhythm that’s accompanied by a fit of moans and grunts.

He struggles to keep his eyes on you. They flutter shut with each thrust as he feels himself float closer and closer to his climax. “Baby, I won’t last.” You wrap your arms around his neck and one of his wraps around your waist while the other rests on your thigh before creeping over to softly pinch and rub your clit.

“Hyune, you’re gonna make me - gonna -” He cuts you off with a sloppy kiss, his tongue brushes over your parted lips to request access before making room for itself against yours.

“If you tell me that you’re gonna cum I won’t last another second.” He whispers against your lips and you moan against his.

“What if I tell you that I love you.” Hyunjin’s eyebrows pinch at the confession. That’s way worse than telling him that you’re close. “I’ve loved you back for as long as - as long as you’ve loved me.”

“Rose, baby, you’re gonna -” It’s your turn to kiss him now, it’s a mess of teeth and tongue but you love it. You love him and him you.

You both pull away in tandem, twin moans ripping through your chests as you both announce yourself to the other.

“I’m cumming, I’m cumming.” Hyunjin pulls out of you, painting your thighs in his sticky white release while his fingers toy with your clit to ride you through your orgasm. It’s loud and messy and beautiful. A romantic elegance that you want to live in for as long as it’s available.

Once you’ve both come down from your high Hyunjin kisses your sweaty forehead and you kiss his. He pulls his bottoms up before grabbing the cleanest paint rag he has to clean you up. A comfortable silence settles around you as you ground yourself and take in the space.

“You didn’t finish that one.”

He follows your gaze over to the painting of the pale pink rose. The middle of the canvas contrasts the rest with nothing but dull line art to show the completed picture. It looks like a work in progress. “I know, but I think I like it like that.” He looks back over at you and you at him.

“It looks like you."

It’s been seven months. Graduation has come and gone in the middle of your blooming relationship with Hyunjin and you’ve dedicated each and every second of your budding love to taming the flame.

Each kiss from him has kept the spark of fear at bay and each touch has taught you how to stop running. It’s been a slow and cautious process that he is more than proud to be a part of. He takes pride in it. He takes pride in being with you.

The smooth breeze of late summer brushes against your skin as you step out of your car. The white dress that Hyunjin picked out for you sticks to you like paint on a canvas as you make your way up to the art gallery.

It’s buzzing inside, people stand and stare in awe at each piece while whispering and pointing to their favorite details. You stop and stand in the middle of it all, taking it all in with a slow spin on the balls of your feet. You take in every corner until you turn around completely and you’re met with the face of the artist himself.

“Hi.” Hyunjin smiles down at you, brown baggy flannel hanging from his shoulders.

“Hi.” You stare back at him with a gleaming smile in your eyes. You take in every inch of him, scanning him like he should be framed and hanging on the walls around you.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Hyunjin wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “I like staring at you.” Your response makes him beam a shy smile.

“You should be staring at the art. The artist might get sad if you don’t.” He kisses your forehead before letting you go. Some people around you stare over at the two of you with curious eyes. They’re eager to put a face to the muse of the showing artist.

You take his hand and lead him over to the piece that a couple is walking away from. You stand in front of it hand in hand as you study it for what feels like the millionth time. “This one is my favorite.” The incomplete pale pink rose stares back at you.

“And why is that?” Hyunjin has that smile in his eyes as he stares up with you. The memory of this piece's origin plays behind his eyes like a memorized movie.

“I’ve been told that it looks like me.” You lay your head on his shoulder and wrap your arm around his. A chill runs up his spine and he blames it on you. You and the love he feels glowing pink and white around you.

“There you are.” History repeats itself as the lady that you’ve come to know as Dalia interrupts the two of you. “I wanted to check in with you, how does it feel to finally have your own exhibition?”

Hyunjin smiles at her politely, turning towards her a bit with his fingers still threaded through yours. “It’s amazing. Thank you, you’ve done a wonderful job putting this together.”

“Oh, please, it’s nothing. This is all you.” You watch her as her eyes smile just as they always have. Her hand brushes over his arm in a carefully calculated move. She’s still shameless and unprofessional. “This piece is my favorite. The unfinished look is unique and raw. What inspired this one?”

You grin to yourself as you listen to her. She’s trying so hard that it’s difficult not to laugh.

“Actually.” Hyunjin pulls your hand a bit, leading you forward so that you’re right next to him. It’s impossible for Dalia to ignore you now. Her eyes scan you reluctantly and the smile on her face falters for a second before she pulls it together. Gosh, that's gratifying.

“My lovely rose here is the inspiration for it all.” Hyunjin looks over at you with a glow that is unmatched even by the largest of flames. “None of this would be possible without her.”

It’s like Dalia disappears once Hyunjin looks over at you. You’re the only two in the room as far as you’re concerned. “Oh, well that’s just - that’s wonderful.” Her staggered speech pulls you both out of your loving haze.

“Such a … sweet profession of love.” She glares over at you though you’re sure that in her head she’s doing a wonderful job at hiding her contempt. “I should make sure that everything is running smoothly. Please excuse me.”

She clears her throat awkwardly before she departs, you and Hyunjin both bid her smiling farewells before turning to each other with wide smiles. “Show off.” You push his shoulder playfully and he laughs.

“I didn’t do anything.” You roll your eyes as you both wander over to the next piece on the wall. You stare up at the two pink roses in a lone vase, a shadow of sunlight casts down on them both as they rise towards its shining glow.

A comfortable silence blankets the two of you while you listen to the soft buzz of the people around you. You squeeze his hand softly and he squeezes back just as you open your mouth to speak.

“She still wants to fuck you.” He smiles

“Shut up.”

Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you thought about this fic! Leave a comment or send an ask to let me know! ❣️

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sashisuse · 4 months

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okay so what we’re not going to do is villainize shoko.

jjk 261 spoilers, thoughts, and a brief analysis of shoko. (and touching on some sashisu stuff. more specifically the sash part.)

i see a lot of people bashing her for not having a reaction to the body swapping plan and that satoru was like ‘i’m mostly surprised shoko didn’t object’ SO. here’s what i’ve got to say.

shoko didn’t object because she was fully under the belief that satoru was going to win. that it wasn’t going to happen. it was literally the worst worst worst WORST case scenario. she had SO MUCH faith in satoru.

let’s rewind back to the shibuya arc. what we knew about shoko at that time regarding her use of cigarettes was that she had quit five years (iirc) prior to those events. her smoking habits literally revolve around satoru’s wellbeing.

mind you this was after she and yaga learned satoru had been sealed. she heard the news and immediately began smoking. why? because shoko is a person who masks her emotions and she does it well. she’s not the type of woman to break down in tears. she’s going to hide it and instead light up a cigarette.

we saw this with her interaction with suguru. she acted very nonchalant about his defection and the massacre he committed on the village and his parents. but when we fast forward ten years and go to jjk0, it’s made abundantly clear that she still cares about him. during the meeting where yaga declares they’re going to kill suguru — i’m pretty sure his words were ‘exorcise the curse that is geto suguru’ or something along those lines — shoko leaves. she flat out walks out. and during the night parade of 100 demons, we have a moment where see the most emotion out of shoko that we have for the majority of the series. she’s angry. she’s hurt. she has these thoughts of something along the lines of like ‘you sure made a mess for us’ regarding suguru. and it’s especially prominent because it’s the first time we’ve ever seen her like this and only time. the closest we get to seeing that again is during the sukuna fight.

she literally cares so much but she’s just emotionally constipated and doesn’t know how to show it 😭 it’s an issue both she and satoru have. they deflect. they mask. they move on and yet the carry it with them somewhere deep inside them.

so we go back forward to satoru and sukuna’s fight. where we do see emotion from shoko but what’s most important to note is the panels she’s in. when they focus on her, she’s either smoking a cigarette, lighting a cigarette up, or we see her surrounded by cigarette butts.

we see her genuinely fearful at this point. she had full confidence that satoru was going to win. that’s why she said ‘do what you want’ and didn’t object. because in her mind, it wouldn’t happen.

it’s very important to remember that sashisu, whether you see it in a romantic or platonic way, was a group that cared so fucking deeply for one another. their bonds were deep. their love for their found family was deep. it’s part of the reason why suguru defected in the end. which i can get it into but not at this time. but at the end of the day, sashisu had ass communication skills and failed to properly understand one another.

and that seems to continue on with the satoshoko side of that, which was left after suguru left. and after he died.

also, it’s really important to remember that shoko is not like satoru and suguru. she’s a healer. that’s it. that’s all she does. she doesn’t get to fight or be on the front lines like they do. she’s the one who gets to wait behind and wait until the damage is done to do her job. she’s been doing this since she was (probably) 15, maybe even younger since we don’t know her backstory. she’s going to be emotionally detached. also, keep in mind this page:

specifically her first piece of dialogue. ‘it’s more like we have to do it.’

and that’s the bottom line.

whew. this was rough. shoko ieiri you will always be loved by me.

#jujutsu kaisen #shoko ieiri #gojo satoru #geto suguru #sashisu #satoshoko #satosho #sugushoko #if you guys don’t understand shoko #you can just say that #but don’t villainize her #there’s inevitably going to be an aftermath #and we’ll see what happens then.#jjk 261 #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #sabé is gnawing at the bars of their enclosure

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ofswordsandpens · 9 months

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Okay compiling my most critical opinions on the pjo show so far (episodes 1 & 2)

The Gods' Conflict, Foreshadowing, & Big Three Kids

The show has seemingly dropped a lot of the foreshadowing and threat regarding the gods impending war over the theft of the lightning bolt. In the book, Percy remarks about how the weather's been inexplicably weird and extreme. When he gets to camp everyone is on pins and needles about something and they don't want to talk about it but its still very present. By the time he's claimed as a son of Poseidon and everyone's like "oh fuck" and then Chiron finally explains to Percy that the gods think he's the lightning thief, everything clicks into place for the reader. It all makes sense why everything seems so wrong... because things are wrong. Meanwhile in the show, that doesn't carry through as much, so the reveal of the conflict between the gods and why that's a big deal falls flat in comparison imo.

They dropped/stalled the foreshadowing of the fates and the cutting of the string. They could very well include this in future episodes, and probably will, but I think the timing of it - Percy seeing this before he even knew he was a demigod - again carries some hefty significance and helped set the foreboding tone of things being wrong even from the beginning.

They did drop Zeus's attack on Percy in the minotaur battle completely, which does disappoint me. In the book, its lightning that blasts the car off the road. In the show, Sally seemingly loses control of the car. That change is pretty significant, because it's again losing the power of RR's foreshadowing in the book. The attack on Percy outside the camp borders was a duel attack from Zeus and Hades.

Finally, I don't like the changes they made to Percy's claiming scene, namely, the reaction from the rest of CHB. Percy being a son of Poseidon is a huge deal. When Percy's claimed, the attitude is very much begrudging reverence paired with genuine fear of what it means and what he represents. In the book, Percy is claimed. People gasp. Everyone kneels. Annabeth says, "This is really not good." In the show, Percy is claimed. People... stand there? Annabeth smiles - she's going to get her quest. The only person who has the most outright negative reaction is Luke. I won't go so far to say this is out of character for Annabeth, but it is focusing on an entirely different aspect of her character in the moment, and what the audience gets from Percy's claiming scene here, the tone, is now different from the book. Basically, the reverence and fear don't really carry across to the show, which I think is important.

The phrase "forbidden child" slaps tho.

2. Gabe's Characterization, Sally's Characterization, & Why the Changes do Make a Difference

I'm going to say this with great care: The show has absolutely depicted an abusive relationship between Sally and Gabe. The show has shown Sally to be a strong woman who would do anything for her child. The show has shown Gabe to be a controlling, toxic man.

What they have depicted in the show does not read like the characters and dynamic in the books.

Book Gabe is a violent, menacing drunk. He is so disgusting and vile that monsters avoid him. This is overwhelmingly apparent from the second Percy gets home in the book, even before he is aware of the physical abuse Sally has been facing. Percy has already been dealing with physical abuse from him, amongst other things (edit to be more specific: this is including verbal, emotional, & financial abuse). I've already spoke to it here, in-depth, so I'll try to keep it short but all of this has not been translated accurately to the screen. (Is this to say that a person must be overtly abusive to be abusive? No. But does this character on-screen feel like Smelly Gabe? No.) These things have shaped Percy (and Sally) in very specific ways. As others have mentioned: Percy cannot stand alcohol. He meets Dionysus and is reminded of his step-father. He gets to Tartarus and the air reminds him of Gabe.... The character on screen, while abusive, does not share this presence at all, and that makes a difference.

Edit: To emphasize once more, I am not saying that the show has not depicted a realistic portrayal of abuse. It has (verbal, emotional, & financial so far). It has also distinctly changed the tone and Gabe's presence from the book, to the extent that it no longer feels like the same character and that does have a rippling effect on the dynamics he shares with both Sally and Percy.

3. The Lack of Annabeth

Annabeth in the show is just like... really not as present as she is in the book so far, and I'm just kinda like, why lol?

Annabeth in the books is already way more involved in Percy's life. She was in the infirmary feeding Percy ambrosia after the attack (ulterior quest motives lol), she's the one who lead Percy around camp and re-explained godly parentage to him - and its a moment where she's very sincere with him, and even trying to help him! Instead these moments are given to Chiron and Luke, which I do get the merit of, but still, these were her moments!

Annabeth in the books had already surmised that the gods were fighting, something was stolen, and the something bad was going to happen, all before Percy had even been claimed. And she shared that with him! Again, the loss of foreshadowing and little bonding moments has me :(

I'm a little worried how they're going to deal with her crush on Luke because its pretty central to her character in the books! It helps Luke to manipulate her and also keeps her from admitting he's done something wrong. Also, it was very sweet and funny reading her get flustered - It drove home the point that she was just a kid with a crush that she didn't know how to handle. But in the show Luke spoke to her and I was expecting there to be some sort of reaction to it and there just... wasn't? (This is not something I'm laying at Leah's feet btw! Only the writers/directors!) We're only two episodes in tho so maybe we'll see it some more moving forward.

4. The Minotaur Battle

Again, I've already spoken about this in depth here but !!

The lack of Zeus's lightning strike, them all coming to a standstill and just chatting instead of running for their lives, Grover being awake and just sort of off to the side watching the fight, Sally being like "Promise Me Grover Swear it"... it all just doesn't ring right to me

I wanted more panic, more terror, more urgency. Higher stakes. I wanted Grover unconscious, I wanted to see Percy drag him into camp, and I wanted to see more of Percy's grief alongside his rage. Like the book did.

The pacing in the show here, and just overall, is weird

5. Other Stuff

Mrs. Dodds fight kind of fell flat too. It was honestly too sudden and Percy killing her in the show seemed even more accidental than in the book lol. Like, accidental impalement vs intentional swing of the sword.

They really had show Grover throw Percy to the wolves and not just gaslight him, but low-key have a part in getting him expelled? Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

More New York. I wish we had gotten the part of Percy taking the bus home with Grover included cause like? Him ditching Grover was funny, but it would have been the perfect opportunity to show Percy traveling through New York and establish it has his home. Shots of him looking at the city, walking the streets, interacting with people near his building.. yeah.

More Montauk too tbh. Like more shots of him and Sally on the beach rather than just the cabin.

Nectar and Ambrosia! Unless I missed it, which I might have, why have we still not gotten an onscreen depiction of it yet lmao.

#I'll add more tags/thoughts to this later lmao but!#pjo adaptation #pjo #percy jackson #pjo show crit #had to expand more on Gabe cause im already getting comments like: /you know there's more abuse than physical right?/#yes #I never said there wasnt #I never said that was the only form of abuse percy and sally faced #I said both show Gabe and book Gabe are abusive #but its played differently #tone wise #presence wise #and that matters

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desos-records · 2 years

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The part I appreciate the most in the Lockwood and Co show is how it handles depression and suicidal thoughts in teenagers. As a theme, it’s not often (ever) done well. Lockwood and Co is the only story I can think of that depicts it in a nuanced, realistic, non-romanticized way

but first, before I get into it: [if you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to and don’t want to/can’t use your national hotline, highly recommend Samaritans, genuinely saved my life] okay, let’s go

Lockwood is the most obvious, with his general disregard for his own life and admitted suicidal ideation. Lucy struggles with her self-worth and the intensity of the emotions she’s subjected to. George worries that he doesn’t belong, that there’s something useless or wrong about him. The show depicts these thoughts and feelings in a way that isn’t overblown or dramatized, it’s all but casual. Which is how it happens. Depression or suicidal thoughts don’t crash into you all at once, they creep into your life without you noticing

But more importantly (and again, something I’ve never seen anywhere else), the show also offers counterpoints to those thoughts and feelings. It shows that there is a way out, even though you may feel trapped and hopeless. This is crucial for the show’s target demographic. Bad media depictions of depression or suicide get internalized, contribute to the stigma, and make it harder for people to ask for help. This show doesn’t do that. This show tells its audience that, yes, things are scary and painful and it fucking sucks, but it’s not hopeless. And it says it so well

In the second episode, when Lucy wants to quit, she admits something that I’m almost certain she’s never told anyone

“sometimes I just think I’d be better off dead”

And when I watched this the first time, I expected Lockwood to react the way I’ve seen people react in my own life; with silence or panic or downright dismissal. But he didn’t. He stays calm and he says something that is so so important to hear when you’re struggling under the weight of feelings like this

“I understand that”

Saying this tells someone several things: that you’re on their side, they aren’t strange or monstrous for feeling like this, and that you’re not going to attack or abandon them because of it. And you can see the impact it has on Lucy, the way her face clears. She went from struggling to breathe and near tears to calm and steady. It’s no mistake that in this moment we hear his and Lucy’s theme for the first time (those simple, beautiful guitar strings)

The next thing he says is also important

“and it’s not true”

Simple, to the point, directly addressing her feelings, and (the most common mistake) doesn’t make it about him. Telling someone that you love them or that they’d be upset to lose you might sound nice, and it can be later on in the conversation, but in a moment like this, it’s infinitely more helpful to confront the thought itself

A similar moment in the first book stuck with me too, when they’re underneath Combe Carey Hall and Lucy almost steps into the well. What she’s hearing in her head (and the general phenomenon of malaise that ghosts produce) is very similar to depressive or suicidal thoughts. Before she can fall, Lockwood pulls her back

“no, Lucy, that’s not the way it’s going to be”

Depressive and suicidal thoughts deal in absolutes, so sometimes it takes an absolute to counter it

In the last episode, George has that heart-breaking moment where he says all the awful things he thinks about himself, partly because of the influence of the boneglass and Bickerstaff, but it’s also been building up, there in the background. Increasingly, it’s Lockwood and Lucy working together and George working on his own, which picks at old wounds (engineer, engineer, engineer, weirdo). He bonds with Joplin because he feels like she understands him in a way the others don’t

“it’s nice to have someone to show off to”

But Lucy pushes back against all that because she sees herself in all the ugly things George is saying, because she’s felt that way too. She understands that. She’s so surprised and horrified to hear him saying those things, resigning himself to dying down there, she’s not going to let him go on believing them

“you’re not a third wheel or an oddball or whatever it is that you think you are”

“you’re the best of us”

“we are not losing you, Georgie”

Flo called him that earlier too, but Lucy wasn’t there for that and coming unprompted from her it sounds so much like something you might call your slightly annoying younger brother. She’s so absolute about it all, with no opening for doubt, and you can see something like surprise on George’s face (but also pain because now Lucy’s in danger too)

For all Lucy knows, the boneglass will kill her. I don’t think for a second she genuinely believes her talent will protect her; she told Joplin that to protect George. It’s unclear when exactly she came up with the plan to use the skull, but she was willing to risk it anyway. And she knows, she knows, George will blame himself for this (because she would too, if it were the other way around), but even then, she’s very clear

“this isn’t your fault”

Their whole scene down in the catacombs is two kids trying to keep each other alive, physically obviously, but on the inside as well. And, oh god, George almost crashing down next to Lucy after he’s knocked over the boneglass, trying to wake her up. His voice

“Lucy, Lucy, it’s me, it’s me, say something, speak to me”

I think it’s down in those catacombs that George and Lucy really understand each other for the first time. In their own ways, they’re both curious and suspicious about the Problem and what causes it, trying to learn more about it (and stressing Lockwood out in the process). They both left their families; they both struggle with feeling strange and different than everyone around them. That connection pulls them both back from the edge

Lockwood, for all his confidence, is practically in crisis or was fairly recently (I suspect living with George helped). It’s fairly common, actually, for someone suicidal to overcompensate with an exterior shell to hide it, which can manifest in different ways depending on the person (they may not even realize they’re doing it, I didn’t)

And I love how the show handles it. He’s not made into this dark, tragic figure. He’s so full of life it hurts. He jokes around with George and Flo, fights with Kipps, admires Fairfax. He has dreams (plans) for the future. He’s struggling with trauma, they all are, but he’s not Broken™ in the way similar leading characters are often made out to be, in the way we often fear we are

And, of course, there’s Lucy, a wreaking ball through the precarious balance of Lockwood’s life. It’s not so much that she gives him a reason to live (although she definitely helps), but she holds him accountable in a way no one else does. This is the difficult part of recovery that no one talks about. Having people care for you (George) and sympathize with you (Flo) is great and necessary, especially early on. But at some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself and the noise in your head (you have to open your door on the landing)

What that looks like is complicated and messy and different for every person, but seeing it played out in a story is remarkable. I’ve never seen anything like it. This is a difficult thing for anyone to learn (many adults never even try)

That shot of George, Lucy, Lockwood (and Kipps) rising up on the catafalque sums it all up for me. Each of them fell into darkness alone and rose out of it together. They inspired each other to fight and win their individual battles, even when they couldn’t be there to help

#lockwood and co #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim #george cubbins #quill kipps #lockwood and lucy #lucy and lockwood #locklyle #lockwood netflix #flo bones #She speaks!

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fangirl-dot-com · 8 months

Text

The Inheritance

Guys, I keep messing up the timeline. So here we go. Christian, Geri, and Mitch find out about Lorenzo and your parents disowning you at your last F2 race. Max finds out about Lorenzo in this chapter (although not written in detail). Max then finds out about your parents in chapter 18 “All For You.”

This is proof that I listen to my readers :D @dreamy-state-of-mind asked to see how reader bought her cars and this chapter was created! I can't do every ask for an idea but I try to listen to what y'all want!

Y'all are being fed...two chapters in a row (which means the next one won't be out for a little bit - so I apologize!)

Like always comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated! Enjoy!

TAG LIST IS CLOSED

Your hands were in your pockets as you walked around the open room. You had somehow lost Max, Vito, AND Christian. It wasn’t like you meant to walk away, you just did on accident. How could someone know that the foreign car dealership was this big. Well, you would know, but that’s beside the point.

It was quite cold in Germany. Thankfully, you had packed extra layers, something the men seemed to not know how to do. You were sure that Max would have worn his Red Bull polo if you didn’t mention to Kelly where you were going. Sure, he could dress on his own, but who would want that?

Your eyes gazed at all of the cars on the floor. Most were the common stock models. Audis, Mercedes, and even Volkswagens littered the area; yet, the cars you were looking for were nowhere to be found. You kept heading in the same direction, hoping to at least find a familiar someone who looked like they worked there.

Your ears picked up on some German words. Feet taking faster steps, you rounded a corner. Ah, there they were.

Somehow you completely missed seeing that the Porsches would be in a different room. You gingerly stepped farther into the vast open-ceiling room. Your hand itched to touch them, but you knew better.

Looking at the cars brought back some great memories of the first time your godfather took you here. Yes, he could have gotten any Italian brand of car that he wanted. Everything was at his fingertips. Yet, he brought 11-year-old you to Germany to get his imported cars.

Your eyes landed on a familiar model. If you thought hard enough, you could hear the imprints of Lorenzo’s and your laughs as he took you to do donuts in abandoned parking lots.

“A beauty isn’t she,” a voice scared you, causing you to fall on your ass. Your cheeks burned at the thought of being caught. Yet, when your eyes met familiar friendly ones, the redness left.

“Hi Seb,” you greeted as you took his outstretched hand that he offered. He pulled you to your feet and into a hug. After you were done, you pulled away to turn back to the car. This time, you let your hand gently grace the older door.

“Enzo had one,” you simply stated, leaving it at that. Most knew you didn’t like to talk about the man, since it brough on so many emotional memories.

Sebastian took a couple steps and stood next to you.

“Do you still have the keys to the garage?”

You grinned up at the German ex-driver. “Of course I have the keys. You know he left me the entire house.”

He bumped your shoulder, head jerking to lead you away from the car. You followed without hesitation.

“What do you plan to do with it?”

You cocked your head in thought. “I’m going to keep it for now. I don’t want to sell it. It’s not like I need the money anyway.”

He chuckled. “I forget that you’re like a multi-millionaire at 20.”

You just shrugged. “Not my fault that I was basically his only family. I never asked for it.” Your eyes dropped to the shiny floor below. A hand was placed on your shoulder.

“I know. I’m glad that you’re well off. Makes me feel better about not seeing you as much.” A sad smile graced his face as he looked at you.

You tried your best to give him a genuine one in return. “I’m doing much better than I was.”

“Have you showed Max your vast array yet?”

“Nope.” You popped the ‘p’. “I plan to soon, actually. I told him that I needed to go to Italy after this.”

Seb raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything else. You went to talk, but familiar voices echoed in the big room.

“Kid!”

“Seb?”

Your head whipped toward the sound. Ah, there they were.

And they brought an assistant with them.

Max and Christian looked at Seb in question as Vito brought the German into a big hug. You stood toward the side to watch the two friends reunite. The assistant took this opportunity to approach you.

“Ah Miss L/n, so good to see you again!”

“Again?” Max questioned, looking at you.

The assistant turned to the Dutchman. “Yes. Miss L/n has been a patron at this establishment for years now.” He turned back to you. “I have the two models that you called ahead for. I will lead you to them.”

The man turned on his heal and began to walk deeper into the room.

Sebastian was now talking to Vito and Christian, which led to Max walking by you.

“I didn’t know you’d been here before.”

You looked up at him with a sly smile. “My godfather bought a lot of his cars from here and would take me with him. Some of the cars at the front are a part of his collection that I donated when he passed. He left me so many, I didn’t know what to do with them.”

Max stopped in his tracks as you kept walking. Once he got over his shock, he sped up to catch you.

“So many?”

You placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Maxie, how much money do you think I have?” you asked, an innocent look on your face.

“Couple thousand?”

You shook your head.

An eyebrow rose. “A couple hundred thousand?”

Another shake as a mouth dropped.

Max looked around before whispering, “Millions?”

“Bingo. We’re going to tour my house when we go to Italy.”

You kept on walking, leaving the even more confused Dutchman.

“House?”

A few steps more and you had caught up with the group of four men. Christian whistled at the sight of what lie before him.

“Thank you Mr. Klein,” you shook the assistants hand as you looked at the two dark green cars in front of you. “Did the payment go through well?”

The man nodded. “Yes it did. Mr. and Mrs. Fischer send their best regards and also thank you for the donation.”

The four men (minus your manager) gawk at you. Yet, you were too busy beaming.

“I’m so glad. Tell them that I will reach out the next time I’m here for longer. I want to see their children again, I miss them.”

With a couple more goodbyes, weird stares, and going over plans to ship your Porsches to Monaco and England safely – you were on your way to Italy.

Thankfully Sebastian wanted to join, saying something about how he hadn’t seen the house in forever. Which brought on more questioning looks from Max.

However, Christian had to sadly say goodbye as he had a connecting flight to go somewhere else for business. You promised you’d send some pictures when you could.

A chauffer had met you at the airport, names written in fancy calligraphy on a starch white piece of paper.

The man gave you two cheek kisses as you greeted him.

“Guido! Come stai amico mio?” (how are you my friend?)

Max couldn’t wipe the look off his face as you began to talk to the older gentleman in perfect Italian. Vito only patted his shoulder.

“You’ll get used to it. She’s definitely someone to unravel. You’ll get there.”

The four of you then followed the man to the Rolls Royce that was waiting in the parking area. Suitcases were loaded in, and the three of you were on your way to your house.

Or, more like mansion/estate/castle that Max found out as the car pulled closer. He turned to you.

“Kid?”

“Inheritance Max. Inheritance.”

Your door was opened once the car was parked. Multiple people came out of the house, wanting to greet you.

“La mia famiglia! Mi siete manvati tutti!” (My family! I’ve missed all of you!”)

A couple of the staff took your bags as you walked through the giant doorway. Once you were through, you turned around and opened your arms.

“Max, welcome to Casa di Lorenzo Alessandrino.”

Max’s head was in a state of looking upwards as he walked in. He would have held his mouth open, but the interior seemed to demand respect as power and poise dripped from its walls. Now it was turn for Max’s hands to itch, wanting to touch everything.

Once everything was settled, you gave Max a tour as Vito and Seb went to go get some drinks. Your fingers twirled a special key ring as you led Max to your garage.

You turned to him and gave a smile. “You ready?”

Let’s just say, Max was not ready to see so many cars. Max let his jaw drop.

The garage was deep and long, probably housing close to 40-ish cars. Your eyes glimmered as you looked at the older cars that you missed dearly.

“You can go look you know,” you told Max as you made your way down the little staircase to the floor. Your heels clicked and echoed with each step. Max was quick to be on your tail. The Dutchman made his way quickly to each car, stopping for only a second before getting distracted by the next.

You hummed as you looked at the empty spot among the Ferrari’s on the back wall. You pointed to it when Max came up beside you again.

“The only car Lorenzo never had in his collection was the F40. I need to talk to Charles or Carlos about seeing how I can get one ethically. I want to complete the collection, but not pay far more than what it’s worth.”

Max nodded, soaking in your words. He was about to say something, but a flash of orange caught his attention. His eyes sparkled as he looked at the spaceship looking car.

“What kind of car is that?”

You smirked as you gazed on your most prize possession.

You walked closer and clicked the keys, making the car roar to life only for a second. (You don’t want to give you and Max monoxide poisoning.)

Your hand ran over the orangey hues that covered the car.

“This is the Apollo Project Evolution.”

Max looked down at the hyper car.

“What that a V12?”

“Yep. A Ferrari V12 to be exact. Three million dollars, one in ten made, over 700 horsepower, and completely street legal. I’d take you for a ride, but I would rather keep this between me and whoever knows about it.”

You turned on your heel to start walking toward the door where you walked in. “I bought it because it reminded me of the spaceship from Guardians of the Galaxy.”

Max snickered as he could imagine you at 14-years-old, watching that movie and falling in love with the space craft. Then, he imagined you last year, trying to find out how you could get your hands on it.

He took one last glance at the big room, before following you back into the house. He softly shut the big door behind him.

“Does Arthur know about this place?” he asked as he caught up to you, not wanting to get lost.

You softly smiled at him. “Yes. I brought him here after Lorenzo passed away in 2020. I just didn’t want to be alone. Vito was here as well.”

Max returned your sad smile. You and Vito had told him about the place on your way here. Tears were shed, hugs were given out, but you’d get through it.

But then he suddenly pouted at the thought of you not bringing him here earlier.

You tutted. “Don’t worry, Charles hasn’t been here if that’s what you’re pouting about.”

That brought an instant grin to his face. You rolled your eyes at his childishness. Soon, you joined Vito and Sebastian in the kitchen. Aperol Spritzes lined the kitchen counter. Your hand reached one, before Vito was thrusting an different one into your hands. You pouted when you realized that yours was probably nonalcoholic.

Sebastian snorted. “Let the kid have one.”

“Vito, what do you think they do for podiums? Make sure mine isn’t actual champagne?”

Vito rolled his eyes and handed you one from the kitchen counter. You quickly smiles and took a sip of the bubbly drink.

“So kid, did you show Max the garage?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his own drink.

You nodded as you placed your cup down. “Yep!”

“And the track?”

“You have a track!?”

y/n.89 has posted

y/n.89 glad to be back to my home away from home. Italia, quanto mi sei mancato. conserverai sempre ricordi preziosi e non posso ringraziarti abbastanza per amarmi da bambino. quando tornerò sarò sul podio, ne sono sicuro

(translation : italy how i've missed you. you will always hold precious memories and i can't thank you enough for loving me as a child. when i return, i'll be on the podium - i'm sure of it)

liked by sebastianvettel, vito_official, y/nlover, and 58,204 others

y/n's_fav who was going to tell me that our girl knows Italian?

y/n_updates she speaks it fluently! her godfather was Italian and taught her when she was growing up! y/n_on_top all I'm hearing is that her, Carlos, and Charles can now talk shit about Max if needed

charles_leclerc quindi Max non riesce a capire? (so max can't understand?)

y/n.89 no, quindi è ora di svelare i segreti dell'infanzia, Charlie (no, so spill the childhood secrets Charlie) carlossainz55 abbiamo molto da dire (we have a lot to tell) maxverstappen1 I CAN READ MY OWN NAME - I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME y/n.89 senti qualcosa? (do you hear something?)

vito_official così felice di essere a casa. possiamo restare ancora un po'? Guido e Luigi dicono che gli manchiamo troppo (so glad to be home. can we stay a bit longer? Guido and Luigi say they miss us too much)

y/n.89 mi mancheranno così tanto. torneremo presto! (i'll miss them so much. we'll be back soon!)

sebastianvettel glad to have been able to go with you! I'll see you soon kinder!

y/n_in_italy NOT HER HOUSEKEEPERS'S NAMES BEING GUIDO AND LUIGI

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19

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cheonsa-n · 2 months

Text

"Bloberta made Clay drink so-"

OKAY, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY?

Let me explain

'Help'.

A very important word when describing Bloberta.

First, it is integral to understand that Bloberta feels torturously alone and unwanted. Her friends are all getting married while she has no one.

She isn't clever enough to help Censordoll.

Her own family leaves her out of the family choir.

And the only crumb of validation she is offered is from her mother.

“Why don't you help me out and… Clean your room?” Note even the slight pause her mother has, as if she doesn't even know what to do with Bloberta.

Next, we see her trudge to her room. And what does she hide under the covers of her bed?

A flask.

She turns to alcohol when she is confronted with how unwanted she is. But where did that draw to alcohol come from?

We know she comes from a home where she is ultimately ignored and seen as valueless by everyone except one person.

Her Father.

I have a lot of thoughts about Bloberta and Raymond's relationship (the one scene where they interact just UGH LIVES IN MY HEAD) but the main thing to get away from it is that she associates the act of drinking with her Father.

A man who, without alcohol, is unable to speak his mind at all. He drinks to better tolerate his situation and his wife, who clearly doesn't value his words or opinions.

But Bloberta is very receptive to her Father, she greatly values his company and his thoughts and she finds comfort in being around him. She feels like someone cares about her and values her even if she knows he can't change anything.

Notice that despite her desperation to speak with her father, to form that connection that would validate her, she can't even touch him because she knows doing so would break the frail connection they have currently. Her Father is so reserved that at this point, any unexpected emotional reach would immediately cause him to shut down and retreat. Demonstrated just by him closing up immediately after she told him she loved him.

So how does this affect Blobertas perception of alcohol?

Well she says it herself.

"I think it helps us to be better people".

This rationality was reinforced by the small acts of kindness her father would show her.

And we don't have any reason to believe she is lying about this because up until the night of the reception, she's experienced nothing that contradicts this belief.

Bloberta's reliance on alcohol can be seen as her reaching for a solution to her need to feel wanted. She knows she's left out, both by friends and family. But if she believes drinking can make you become a better person? Then of course she would drink, because maybe then someone will want her.

What does she say directly after that?

"My Father drinks.”

Further insinuating her belief that he is good and he is the main reason she sees alcohol as a positive force.

She thought it would genuinely help Clay.

There's that word again.

Importantly, notice her clear anxiety and tenseness in her beginning interactions with Clay. From her first question, their conversation began falling apart.

So what happened?

Just after the wedding, she was almost suave in the way she invited Clay to the reception.

Why was she so nervous now?

Well, in her eyes, this was her chance.

After an undisclosed time of having no luck she finally convinces a handsome single man to have some semblance of a date with her.

She NEEDS this to go well.

So she's obviously anxious and stressed, and that's showing, but she figures that some drinks will make it easier for both of them. She's full panicking because she feels it's just so normal to drink, especially socially, and she can't understand why he wouldn't drink. She has no frame of reference for that mindset.

Things are already awkward between them once they settle in, and its not getting better. So of course she is going to fall back on what makes things easier for her.

And initially things are looking up.

Suddenly Clay's more talkative, and more receptive to what she's saying.

He's complimenting her.

He says she helped him.

The one thing she wants more than anything is to feel useful, she wants to be able to fit into that role that everyone expects her to so that she can be of worth to someone.

She isn't worth it to her peers,

she isn't worth it to her family,

but she could be worth it to him.

This only reinforces her resolve.

This is it.

She is going to finally find her place to fit in, and everyone will welcome her with open arms as she finally finds her place in the role society has chosen for her.

But it's not that simple.

Things go south quickly, Clay doesn't want these things that Bloberta has to have.

But she needs them.

To Bloberta, those things are proof of your value. The value society, friends, and family place on you.

Who would she be if she couldn't attain that value?

We again recognize that Bloberta has a fixation on being helpful. Helpfulness is the clearest indication of one's value, after all.

After being turned away by Clay, she immediately returns to a default ‘helpful’ act, cleaning. Just like her mother would tell her to do. But this was still her only chance, and Clay had already told her she had helped him. If she could only help him again, then maybe she had a chance at the real value she craved.

Once her anger passes and Clay sobers up, she returns to him and paints herself as ‘helpful’ as possible. She's desperate for that validation again, and if he would agree to her help then everything would certainly be fine.

She is practically begging him, help becomes a plea for him to save her from the pain of her day to day.

She hopes more than anything he will accept her and make all her pain go away.

He does accept, but in exchange, her previous world view is shattered.

Drinks don't help you become a better person.

They just help your true nature come out.

#moral orel #bloberta puppington #bloberta hymentact #gotta go to bat for my girl here #long post

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lila-lou · 2 months

Text

✨His second exception - Pt. 8/?✨

Summary: The moment Ben found out you were pregnant was probably the happiest moment of his life. However, happiness proved fleeting. Now, he is faced with the aftermath of his shattered dreams. Of what is left of you, and what is left of him.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: Language, fluff, hurt/angst

Word Count: 7022

A/N: This is the sequel to “His only exeption” - and Part 8 of "His second exception".

English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

A few days later, your mom and dad came over for a visit. You tried your best to hide everything that could hint at your relationship with Ben. As you put away the last picture of you and Ben, the doorbell rang.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door to find your parents standing there, their eyes wide as they took in the sight of your home. It wasn’t a villa, but it was certainly impressive—Ben had bought it for the two of you. You knew you’d have to come up with a convincing story if they asked how you ended up in such a nice place.

“Hi, Mom, Dad”, you greeted them with a smile, stepping aside to let them in. “Come on in”.

They stepped inside, looking around appreciatively. “This is a beautiful place”, your mom said, her eyes sweeping over the elegant decor. “How did you manage to get a house like this?”.

You had prepared for this moment, trying to keep your story as close to the truth as possible without revealing too much. “Well, when I started working with the team, I got a significant pay raise and a bonus. I decided to invest in a nicer place. I wanted something comfortable and safe”.

Your dad raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further, which you took as a good sign. “It’s very nice”, he said, his tone still carrying a hint of skepticism but also admiration. “I’m glad you’re doing well for yourself”.

“Thanks, Dad”, you said, leading them to the living room where you had prepared some snacks and drinks. “Please, make yourselves at home”.

As they settled in, you did your best to keep the conversation light and casual, talking about mundane topics like work and the neighborhood. Your mom complimented your taste in decor, and your dad seemed genuinely impressed by the house.

Just as you were starting to relax, your phone buzzed with a message. You glanced at it, seeing Ben’s name on the screen. Your heart skipped a beat, but you quickly placed the phone face down on the table, hoping your parents didn’t notice.

“So, how’s work going?”, your mom asked, taking a sip of her tea. “Anything exciting happening?”.

You nodded, trying to keep your focus. “It’s been busy, but it’s going well. We’re working on some important projects”.

“That’s good to hear”, your dad said, leaning back in his chair. “I’m glad you’re finding success”.

The conversation continued smoothly, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of tension, knowing you were walking a fine line between honesty and secrecy. Every time your phone buzzed, your heart raced a little faster, but you managed to keep your composure.

Eventually, when you were in the kitchen preparing dinner, your mom joined you, while your dad watched the football game in the living room. She seemed hesitant but determined to talk, her eyes soft with concern as she approached the topic she had inadvertently upset you with the other day.

“I didn’t mean to upset you the other day”, she said gently, watching you as you chopped the vegetables. “You can take your time, there’s no rush”.

You stopped cutting the vegetables, the knife still in your hand, and looked at her. The pain you had been trying to hide was evident on your face, and you could see her expression change to one of deeper concern and empathy.

“Mom, it’s not just about taking my time”, you began, your voice thick with emotion. “There’s something I haven’t told you”.

She stepped closer, her hand reaching out to touch your arm. “What is it, sweetheart? You know you can tell me anything”.

You took a deep breath, gathering the strength to share the painful truth. “A few months ago, I found out I was pregnant”, you began, your voice trembling. “But… I lost the baby”.

Your mom’s eyes widened in shock and sorrow, and she quickly wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry”, she murmured, her voice choked with emotion. “I had no idea”.

Your mom held you close for quite a while, her embrace warm and comforting. A few tears escaped your eyes, but you felt more relieved than sad. The weight of the secret you had been carrying was finally lifting, and sharing it with her brought a sense of peace you hadn’t expected.

Eventually, she pulled back slightly, still holding your arms as she looked at you with concern. “Was it planned?”, she asked gently, her voice filled with understanding. “And who is the father?”.

You took a deep breath, feeling the need to be honest. “No, it wasn’t planned”, you admitted. “But when I found out, I was ready to make it work”.

Your mom nodded slowly, absorbing your words. “And the father?”, she asked gently.

You hesitated, struggling to find the right way to explain. “I have a boyfriend”, you said finally, your voice trembling slightly. "But I haven't introduced you to him yet".

She nodded thoughtfully, her eyes searching yours. "Is there a reason why we haven't met him?", she asked softly, concern evident in her tone. "Is everything okay between you two?".

You sighed, knowing you owed her an explanation but unsure of how much to reveal. "It's complicated", you began cautiously. "We've been through a lot together, and he means a lot to me. But with everything that's happened recently, I haven't found the right time to bring him around".

Your mom nodded again, her understanding growing. "I see", she said gently. "Just know that whenever you're ready, we're here to support you. And we'd love to meet him whenever you feel comfortable".

You nodded gratefully, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders knowing she wasn't pressing for details. "Thank you, Mom".

She gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. "Of course, sweetheart. We just want you to be happy".

With that, you both returned to preparing dinner, the conversation easing into lighter topics.

After a while of lighter conversation and a sense of relief settling in, your mom nudged you gently, a mischievous glint in her eye. “So”, she began casually, “is he handsome?”.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at her persistence. “Yes, Mom”, you replied with a teasing smile. “He’s handsome”.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “Hmm, and how did you two meet?”.

You hesitated briefly, considering how much to share. “We met through work”, you said carefully.

Her excitement grew, her eyes lighting up. “Does that mean he kills supes too?”.

You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat. “Yes, he does”, you said cautiously.

Your mom's excitement grew even more. “How old is he?”, she asked, clearly eager to know more about this mysterious boyfriend of yours.

You nearly choked on your own spit at the question. The age difference was a complicated topic, considering you were just in your twenties and Ben was technically in his early forties, though his time frozen in Russia made it even more complex.

“Uh”, you began, trying to find the best way to explain it without revealing too much. “He’s… a bit older than me”.

Your mom raised an eyebrow, her curiosity only increasing. “How much older?”.

You took a deep breath, deciding to be as vague as possible. “He’s in his forties”, you said carefully, hoping that would satisfy her without prompting more questions.

To your surprise, your mom didn’t seem too fazed by the age difference. Instead, she looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “Well, as long as he treats you well and makes you happy, that’s what matters”.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you. “He does, Mom. He really does”.

She smiled, reaching out to squeeze your hand. “I’m glad to hear that, sweetheart. Just remember, we’re always here for you if you need anything”.

“Thanks, Mom”, you replied.

As the evening continued, you enjoyed the time with your parents, the atmosphere lighter and more relaxed.

After an hour, you set the table as dinner was almost ready. Your dad stood by with a beer in his hand, while your mom placed the napkins. Just then, the front door swung open, and Ben stormed in, his supe suit covered in mud and blood, his face streaked with grime. His hair was tousled, and his bloodied shield hung loosely from his hand.

“I fucking swear, if there’s another man inside my fucking house—”, Ben’s voice boomed through the hallway, but he stopped mid-threat as he rounded the corner and saw the three of you in the dining room. The shock on his face was mirrored by your parents, who stood frozen in place.

For a moment, the room was silent, the tension palpable. You could see the confusion and fear in your parents’ eyes as they took in Ben’s appearance.

Your mom and dad looked shocked, their eyes darting between you and Ben. Finally, Ben broke the silence, pointing at your parents with his bloodied shield still in hand, his eyebrow furrowed in annoyance. “Who are those?”, he asked, his voice carrying a mix of irritation and confusion.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “Ben, these are my parents”, you said, your voice calm but firm. “Mom, Dad, this is Ben”.

Your dad’s face darkened with a mix of anger and disbelief. “Soldier Boy?”, he said, almost spitting out the name. “You’re with Soldier Boy?”.

Ben’s eyes narrowed, his grip on the shield tightening. “Is there a problem?”, he asked, his tone challenging.

Your mom stepped forward, her expression a mix of concern and anger. “We were just having a nice family dinner”, she said, her voice shaking slightly. “We didn’t expect… this”.

Ben looked at you. “You didn’t tell them?”, he asked, a hint of hurt in his voice.

You shook your head, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on you. “I was going to, but… it’s complicated”.

Your dad stepped forward, his face flushed with anger. “Complicated?”, he nearly shouted, his voice rising in a way you had rarely heard. “You’re involved with a fucking supe? And out of all of them, with fucking Soldier Boy?".

Ben’s eyes flared with anger, and he stepped closer to your dad, his own voice rising. “Stop fucking yelling at her!”, he shouted back, his presence imposing and intense.

Your father’s face reddened even more, and he stood his ground, his own anger matching Ben’s. “I’m her father! I can yell at her whenever I want!”, he roared.

You felt the tension in the room reach a breaking point, the air thick with anger and fear. Desperately, you stepped between them, raising your hands to push them apart. “Enough!”, you yelled, your voice breaking through the cacophony. “Both of you, stop it!”.

You looked at Ben, his anger still simmering beneath the surface. Seeing the desperation in your eyes, he took a deep breath, trying not to lose his temper. You gently touched Ben’s forearm, feeling the dried blood under your fingers. “Why don’t you take a shower, and we’ll talk when you’re done?”, you suggested, your voice shaking slightly.

Ben’s eyes softened a bit, the tension in his muscles easing just a little. He glanced at your parents, then back at you, and nodded reluctantly. “Alright”, he muttered, his voice low and controlled.

Ben turned around, letting the shield drop with a loud thud onto the wooden floor in the hallway. The sound echoed through the house, adding to the already tense atmosphere. He made his way upstairs to get a shower, leaving you and your parents standing in the kitchen, the weight of the situation pressing down on all of you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. “I know this is a lot to take in”, you said, looking at your parents.

Your mom looked at you with a raised eyebrow, her expression a mix of disbelief and concern. “A lot to take in?”, she repeated, her voice snapping with anger. “Baby, out of all men, why him?! He’s a supe, damn it! He’s a misogynist asshole who’s screwed every woman he’s ever walked into, probably has all the venereal diseases that exist. He’s killed so many people, humans! He’s not a good man!”.

You flinched at her words, feeling the weight of her judgment. In your distress, you had momentarily forgotten about Ben’s super hearing. Even in the shower, he could hear every single word your mother was saying.

The tension in the room was palpable. You glanced at your dad, who looked equally troubled but remained silent, his face a mask of concern and confusion.

“Mom, I know his past is… complicated”, you began, struggling to find the right words. “But he’s not that person anymore”.

Your mom crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing. “And you think you can change him? You think love will fix all of that? Honey, people like him don’t just change”.

Then, your mom’s eyes widened even further, her expression one of shock and anger. “Wait, you’re telling me that asshole got you pregnant?”, she exclaimed.

Your dad choked on his beer, his face turning red as he coughed. “You’re fucking pregnant?!”, he yelled, his voice echoing through the house.

You felt your heart start to beat faster, a mix of emotions swirling inside you—upset, pissed, sad, all of it. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, but the tension in the room was overwhelming.

“Not anymore”, you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I lost the baby”.

The room fell silent, the weight of your words settling heavily. Your dad looked like he had been punched in the gut, his eyes wide with shock.

With red-rimmed eyes, you gathered your strength to defend Ben. “You don’t understand”, you began, your voice trembling but determined. “Ben did everything he could to be there for me. He took care of me in ways I never could have imagined. He’s saved my life more times than I can count”.

You paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Even before we were together, he was always there, protecting me. He’s risked everything for me, and he loves me. I know his past isn’t perfect, but he’s trying to change, to be better”.

Your parents exchanged a look, the anger and fear in their expressions slowly giving way to a more thoughtful silence. They were processing your words, trying to reconcile the image they had of Soldier Boy with the man you were describing.

“I just want you to understand that he’s not the same person he used to be”, you said, your voice softer now. “He’s trying, and he’s been there for me through everything. I love him, and he loves me. That’s all that matters”.

Your parents exchanged another glance, their expressions slowly shifting from anger to contemplation. Just then, Ben stepped back into the room, now clean, his hair still wet. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a simple black shirt, which made him look less intimidating than before.

Ben paused for a moment, taking in the tense atmosphere.

There was again a heavy silence, the weight of the unspoken words hanging in the air. No one seemed to know how to approach the topic again, the tension palpable. You sighed, turning your attention back to the oven. “Can we just eat first, please?”, you mumbled, taking the roast out and setting it on the counter.

Your mom nodded slowly, her eyes still wary but softening slightly. “Of course”, she said, stepping forward to help you with the dishes. Your dad remained silent, his gaze shifting between you and Ben, his expression unreadable.

Ben moved to the table. His movements were careful, almost hesitant, as if he was trying to navigate the fragile situation without causing further tension. You appreciated his effort, a small gesture that showed he was willing to try.

As everyone settled at the table, the atmosphere remained heavy.

The dinner remained quiet, the clinking of cutlery and the soft sounds of chewing the only noises filling the room. Ben kept his eyes on his plate, acutely aware of the intense gazes from your parents.

After a while, your mom finally broke the silence, watching Ben intently. “So, you don’t remember us, huh?”, she asked, her voice tinged with curiosity and something else, something deeper.

Ben looked up, a questioning look on his face. “Should I?", he grumbled.

Your mom finished the rest of her wine in one gulp before crossing her arms. “I was your PA in the eighties. Well, one of them”.

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he studied her face. Slowly, his eyebrows went up in recognition. “Wait, we didn’t—”. He cut himself off, gesturing with his finger between her and himself, a look of realization dawning.

Your mom’s expression twisted in disgust. “Ew, no! You were all about Monica”.

You could see the wheels in Ben’s head spinning, trying to piece together the memories. “Yeah, right. Monica”, he said slowly, the name sparking a faint memory. After another short pause, his eyes widened. “You’re Mary?”.

Your mom nodded, a small, tight smile on her face. “And Frank”, she added, nodding toward your dad.

Ben chuckled, a hint of genuine amusement breaking through the tension. “No shit! You two got fucking old”.

Your dad bristled slightly, but your mom just rolled her eyes. “It’s been a long time”, she said, her voice softening slightly.

You bit your lip, not sure how to react. The tension in the room was palpable, and you felt caught between two worlds. Ben leaned back slightly, crossing his arms, his demeanor shifting to one of guarded curiosity. “Then why are you so mad at me? I always liked you. Both of you. I always treated you good”, he said, his voice firm and unwavering.

Your mom’s eyes narrowed, her sassiness returning as she pointed out the obvious. “Ben, it’s not just about how you treated us. It’s about your lifestyle—your drug and alcohol addiction, the countless women, your misogynistic attitude. You were like every other supe, doing more harm than good”.

Your dad chimed in, his voice filled with grumbling anger and a dismissive hand gesture. “And now screwing my daughter”.

“Dad!”, you squeaked, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment. The room fell silent again, the tension thickening with each passing second.

Ben’s gaze remained steady, though his jaw tightened at your father’s words.

Again, there was silence. No one knew what to do or say. Ben’s jaw remained clenched, a clear sign that he wasn’t willing to back down. The tension in the room felt almost palpable, with everyone at a loss for how to proceed.

Finally, Ben broke the silence, his voice steady and firm. “I get it. I get why you’re angry. But I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m trying to change, and I’m doing it because I love her”. He gestured towards you.

You bit your lip as Ben said that he loved you. It was still very rare to hear it from him, and even more rare for him to say it in front of people. The moment felt heavy with significance, but your dad’s voice broke through, his tone slightly less aggressive but probing.

“Did you lose the baby because it wasn’t planned?”, your dad asked, his words hinting at an accusation that Ben might have had something to do with it.

That’s when Ben lost it. His eyes flashed with anger, and he stood up, his posture rigid with fury. “Are you for fucking real right now?”, he snapped, his voice a mix of rage and hurt. “I loved that baby. The only thing I love more is her”, he pointed to you, his voice cracking slightly. “It meant everything to me, and to get accused of something like that…”.

Ben’s voice trailed off, the raw emotion in his words cutting through the tension in the room. You could see the pain etched on his face, the anguish of being misunderstood and accused of something so hurtful.

You felt a surge of anger and hurt, your emotions boiling over as you turned to your dad. “How could you even suggest that?”, you snapped, your voice shaking. “Do you have any idea how much we both wanted that baby? How much it meant to us?”.

Your dad’s expression softened, but he looked taken aback by your outburst. “I didn’t mean it like that”, he started, but you cut him off, unable to hold back your frustration.

“No, you did mean it like that”, you retorted. “You implied that Ben was somehow responsible. He’s been through hell trying to support me and cope with our loss. We both have”.

Your mom looked at you with concern, stepping forward. “We just don’t want you to get hurt”, she said softly.

You shook your head, your eyes filling with tears. “I’m already hurt”, you said, your voice cracking. “Both of us are”, you whispered, looking over at Ben. His jaw clenched further, and you could see the effort it took for him to maintain his composure. The tension in his muscles was palpable, and you knew he was holding back an immense amount of anger and frustration.

Your dad sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry”, he grumbled, his voice low. “I just want to make sure he’s treating you right, not poorly”.

“I understand, Dad. But Ben isn’t like that. Not with me”.

Your dad looked at Ben, his eyes narrowing slightly. “How did you even manage to get her pregnant? Supes can’t make babies”, he said, his tone a mix of confusion and curiosity.

You felt your cheeks flush with a mix of embarrassment and frustration. “Actually, Dad”, you began, glancing at Ben, who looked equally puzzled. “Mom and you explained it to me a few days ago”.

Ben’s confusion deepened as he looked at you. “What are you talking about?”.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the explanation you were about to give. “Apparently, I was born with traces of Compound V in my system. My parents said it was because they worked closely with you back in the day, and some of it lingered in the environment”.

Ben’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wait, what?”.

You nodded, feeling a strange mix of emotions as you recounted the story. “Yeah, and to prevent me from developing powers or being affected by the V, my parents took me to an organization of doctors who tried to neutralize it. They shot me up with all kinds of stuff to get rid of the V traces in my body”.

Your dad nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable as he added, “We didn’t want her to end up like the other kids who were experimented on. We thought we were doing what was best for her”.

Ben took a moment to process everything, his eyes flicking between you and your parents. “So, you’re saying that because of this… combination of Compound V traces and whatever those doctors used, it made it possible for us to have a baby?”.

You nodded slowly. “Well, that’s what I think. Somehow, it must have switched something in my system, allowing me to get pregnant.”

Your Dad thought about it, and it sure made sense.

Ben thought about it for a moment too, then nodded slowly. “That would explain why my blood never killed or turned you”, he said, the realization dawning on him.

“Your blood?”, your mother asked, her voice filled with shock and concern. “What are you talking about?”.

You sighed, realizing this was another piece of the puzzle your parents didn’t know about. “Ben’s blood has healing properties”, you explained. “Whenever I got hurt, he used his blood to heal me. It worked without any adverse effects because of the Compound V traces in my system”.

Your dad looked at Ben, his expression a mix of disbelief and curiosity. “So, you used your blood to heal her?”.

Ben nodded. “Yes. I didn’t know about the Compound V traces until now, but it makes sense why it worked without any issues”.

There was another heavy silence as everyone absorbed the new information. Finally, your mom clapped her hands on her thighs, breaking the tension. “So”, she began, her voice laced with both disappointment and a hint of resignation, “what’s the plan now? Soldier Boy over there doesn’t look like he’ll let you go that quickly”.

You could sense her reluctance, but there was also a willingness to try and make this work. It was a small step, but it meant the world to you.

Ben glanced at you, then back at your mom, his expression softening. “You’re right. I’m not letting her go. I love her, and I want to be with her”.

Your mom sighed deeply, her disappointment still evident, but she nodded. “I guess we’ll have to figure out how to make this work then”.

Your dad, though still skeptical, seemed to be coming to terms with the situation. “As long as you take care of her and make sure she’s safe”, he said, his voice gruff but sincere, “that’s all we ask”.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you. It wasn’t a complete resolution, but it was a start. “Thank you”, you said, your voice full of gratitude. “I know this is a lot to take in, and it means a lot that you’re willing to try”.

Your dad sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stood up from the table. “We better get going”, he mumbled, glancing at your mom. “This has been a lot to take in for just one evening”.

Your mom nodded in agreement, standing up as well. “Yes, it’s been quite the night”, she said, her voice still tinged with lingering worry but also a note of acceptance. “We’ll talk more soon”.

You walked them to the door, feeling a mix of emotions. Relief that they were willing to try, anxiety about the future, and a deep gratitude for their effort to understand.

“Thanks for coming”, you said, giving your mom a tight hug. “I really appreciate it”.

She hugged you back just as tightly. “We love you, sweetheart. We just want you to be happy”.

Your dad gave you a gruff nod, then turned to Ben. “Remember what I said”, he warned, his tone serious but not hostile.

Ben nodded firmly. “I will. You have my word”.

As they left, you closed the door behind them and let out a long breath. The evening had been exhausting, but you felt a sense of hope. Turning to Ben, you saw that he looked equally relieved and tired.

“Well, that was something”, you said, trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation.

Ben rolled his eyes and pulled you gently into his arms, holding you close. He missed you way too much, but the words wouldn’t leave his lips. Instead, he mumbled, “Your parents are fucking strenuous”.

You giggled against his chest, the sound muffled by his shirt. “I know, they… they just hate supes”.

Ben grumbled something sarcastic, “Yeah, that was pretty obvious”. He sighed deeply, resting his chin on your head. “But they care about you, and I get that. Just didn’t expect to have my past thrown in my face like that”.

You smiled up at Ben, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Well, you can’t really blame them, can you? You do have quite the reputation”, you teased lightly, poking his chest playfully.

Ben raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Oh, so now you’re on their side?”.

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that you can be a bit… intense”.

He let out a huff of mock indignation. “Intense, huh? I’ll show you intense”.

With a swift motion, he picked you up and carried you over to the couch, plopping down with you on his lap. You laughed, squirming a bit, but his strong arms kept you firmly in place.

“Alright, alright”, you giggled, trying to catch your breath. “You win. You’re very intense, and very strong”.

Ben’s smirk widened, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “Damn right. And don’t you forget it”.

You shook your head, still smiling. “I won’t. But you know, sometimes a little softness wouldn’t hurt”.

Ben rolled his eyes, but he knew that you needed exactly that from time to time. With a soft, playful push, he guided you down onto the couch and hovered above you, his presence both comforting and thrilling. He started kissing your neck, his lips warm and tender against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

You couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh, the intimacy of the moment juxtaposed with the absurdity of the thought that had just crossed your mind. “I’m just glad you never had something with my mom back in the day”, you mumbled, your voice tinged with a mix of amusement and relief. “The thought alone grosses me out”.

Ben paused, pulling back slightly to look at you with an incredulous expression. “Your mom? Seriously?”. He shook his head, a grin spreading across his face. “Trust me, I had my hands full back then, but not that full”.

You laughed, the sound light and free. “Good to know”, you said, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair. “Because that would have been really weird”.

Ben kissed you again, but you pushed him away softly. "So who´s Monica?", you grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up", he grumbled with a smirk and silenced you with his lips.

Ben’s kisses trailed down over your breasts, his fingers deftly unbuttoning your shirt. His touch was gentle but sure, a reminder of the connection you shared. You felt his warmth spreading through you, the tension from the evening slowly melting away.

As he reached the last button, you mumbled softly, “I’m glad you’re back”.

Ben paused, looking up at you with a smile that was both tender and filled with an unspoken promise.

You reached up, running your fingers through his hair as he resumed his kisses, moving lower with a slow, deliberate pace. His lips and hands explored your skin, each touch igniting a spark of desire that made you feel alive and connected.

Ben kissed down your stomach, his lips lingering over your skin as his fingers reached for the waistband of your jeans. Just as he was about to unbutton them, you tugged gently on his hair, your voice soft but firm. “I have an appointment tomorrow to get an IUD”, you mumbled. “So unless you have a condom, we can’t do anything”.

Ben stopped, pushing himself up to look at you, his disappointment evident in his eyes. The mood shifted, the intimacy giving way to tension. His jaw tightened, a flicker of anger crossing his features.

“You’re getting an IUD?”, he asked, his voice low and strained. “And you didn’t think to tell me before now?”.

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of guilt and frustration. “I told you I wasn’t ready for another baby, Ben. We talked about this”.

“We talked about it”, he repeated, his voice rising slightly. “But you didn’t mention anything about getting an IUD. That’s a pretty big decision to make on your own”.

You sat up, pulling your shirt closed. “I thought it was the best thing for now. We’re still dealing with so much, and I’m not ready for the possibility of another pregnancy”.

Ben’s eyes narrowed, his temper flaring. “So, you just decided to take control of everything without even discussing it with me?”.

You felt a wave of guilt, knowing how much this topic meant to him. You sighed, trying to find the right words. “Because I know how you would react”, you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper.

Ben sat up, his expression shifting from anger to hurt. The pain in his eyes was unmistakable, and it cut deep. “You didn’t trust me enough to talk about it”, he said, his voice strained with emotion. “You thought I’d just blow up and not understand”.

You reached out, placing a hand on his arm. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just… I was afraid. Afraid that talking about it would make everything worse. That you’d be upset, and we’d end up fighting”.

He looked at you, his eyes searching yours for a long moment. “I get that you’re scared. But I lost a baby too, remember? I don’t want to be left out of these decisions”.

You looked down at your hands, feeling even worse for not asking him what he thought about it. The weight of your decision felt heavier now, knowing how much it hurt him. Ben sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair.

“I really want a baby with you”, he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion. Admitting this out loud seemed to be incredibly difficult for him. “It’s hard for me to say it, but it’s true. I want to build a life with you, a family. And I thought… I thought that was something we both wanted”.

You felt a lump form in your throat, your heart aching at his words. “I do want that, Ben. I want it so much. But I’m scared. We’ve been through so much, and I don’t know if I can handle losing another baby”.

Ben reached out, lifting your chin so you could meet his gaze. His eyes were filled with a mix of determination and vulnerability. “You won’t lose another baby”, he said firmly. “We have the V medication, and I will protect you, both of you. I won’t let anything ever happen to you again”.

The pain of your previous loss still hung heavy between you, an unspoken shadow that loomed over every decision and every moment. While you had pushed the topic of another baby as far away as possible in an attempt to heal, Ben had found solace in the hope of building a family, of healing through the joy of new life.

His words were filled with a promise, a reassurance that he would do everything in his power to keep you safe. You could see the depth of his love and commitment in his eyes, and it brought a sense of comfort and hope that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“I know you want to protect me”, you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. “And I’m so grateful for that. But I need time to heal, to be ready for this".

Ben sighed deeply and leaned back, closing his eyes as his head fell back against the couch. He knew he couldn’t force you into another pregnancy, and the realization weighed heavily on him. The frustration of not being on the same page was palpable, but his love for you was strong enough to keep him from pressuring you. Despite this, every day without you being pregnant seemed to magnify his own pain of loss.

He opened his eyes and looked at you, a mixture of sadness and understanding in his gaze. “I get it. I really do”, he said softly. “I just… I miss what we had, what we were planning. But… I won’t push you”.

Ben was used to getting what he wanted. It wasn’t until he met you that he found himself challenged in a way he had never experienced before. It was one of the reasons he loved you so much—you were strong and stood your ground, even against him. That strength commanded his respect. But still, you were a fucking pain in his ass.

You mumbled a quiet “Thank you”, your voice barely audible. Ben sighed again, his arm widening in a gesture for you to come closer. You nestled against him, finding comfort in his warmth and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

For a moment, you both stayed silent, wrapped in the shared understanding of your pain and the complicated path ahead. Ben’s fingers traced soothing patterns on your back, grounding you in the present.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. “I promise, we´ll try for another baby”, you mumbled, your voice soft but sincere. “Even three if you want to”. You paused, a small smile tugging at your lips. “But I just need a little more time… and maybe a ring on my finger first”.

Ben tensed instantly, the words taking him by surprise. He had always wanted to settle down, to have a family and a stable life, but hearing it from your mouth made it feel more real. He pulled back slightly to look at you, his eyes wide with a mix of emotions—shock, hope, and something deeper.

“Are you serious?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded. “Yes, I’m serious. I want to be with you, Ben. I want to build a life together, but I need to know we’re both ready for it”.

For a moment, Ben was silent, processing your words. Then, a slow, genuine smile spread across his face. “I never thought I’d hear you say that”, he admitted, his voice tinged with amazement.

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against your lips as he mumbled, “Now I want to fuck you even more”. The intensity in his eyes was undeniable, filled with a raw mixture of love and desire.

Before you could respond, he cupped your face with both hands, pulling you into a rough, passionate kiss. His lips moved against yours with an urgency that made your heart race. You felt his hands travel down your body, gripping your hips as he pulled you even closer.

The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you, locked in this moment of intense connection. Ben’s kisses grew deeper, more fervent, and you found yourself responding with equal passion, your fingers tangling in his hair.

He pulled away and looked at you again, his eyes searching yours with a mix of wonder and disbelief. “You really would wanna marry me?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You looked at him, puzzled by his question. “Why wouldn’t I want to?”, you replied softly, your hand reaching up to caress his cheek. “I love you, Ben. I want to spend my life with you”.

Ben stared at you, the raw vulnerability in his eyes making your heart ache. Even after months with you, he still couldn’t believe that someone could love him for just himself, without the fame or the power. He had always been seen as a weapon, a hero, or a monster, but with you, he was just Ben.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Your heart ached as you saw the depth of vulnerability in his eyes, the way he still viewed himself as unworthy. You shook your head ,firmly, your fingers gently tracing the line of his jaw.

“Don’t say that”, you said softly. “You deserve all the love in the world, Ben. You’re more than what you think you are. You’re more than your past, more than what people say about you. To me, you’re everything”.

Ben’s expression softened further, a flicker of hope igniting in his eyes. “You really mean that?”, he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief and cautious optimism.

You whispered, “Of course I do”.

With that, Ben pulled you into another kiss, his lips moving against yours with a newfound tenderness. As the kiss deepened, he gently pulled you onto his lap, his arms wrapping around you securely. The closeness of his body against yours was both comforting and exhilarating, a reminder of the strong connection you shared.

You felt his hands slide up your back, holding you tighter as he kissed you with a passion that conveyed everything he couldn’t put into words.

The world outside seemed to disappear, leaving only the two of you, entwined in each other’s arms. The intensity of your feelings for him, and his for you, was overwhelming, filling you with a sense of completeness you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Finally, when the kiss broke, you rested your forehead against his, your breaths mingling as you both tried to catch your breath. “I love you, Ben”, you whispered, your voice filled with sincerity and love.

“I love you too”, he replied, his voice rough with emotion. “And I promise, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you”.

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “You don’t have to prove anything. Just be here with me, that’s all I need”.

Ben nodded, his eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and determination. “I’m not going anywhere”, he said firmly. “I’m right here, and I always will be”.

———————————

A/N: Another one of my favorite chapters. Let's see if we meet Monica one day lol.

Please let me know what you think. 🥰

Part 9

Taglist: @deangirl96, @thatgirljayy, @suckitands33, @deans-spinster-witch@mimaria420@kaz11283@uncle-eggy@jackles010378@vxnilla-hxrddrugs @meowmeowyoongles@sarahgracej @zemosdarling228 @leila22rogers @mostlymarvelgirl@emily-winchester @blacknoirr @onlyangel-444@seasonofthenerd@staple-your-mouth@artemys-ackles@selfdestructionandrhum@mystic-mara @kat-nee @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @star-yawnznn @me1501 @CheyNovaK @faephoria @hobby27 @baby19sthings @fitxgrld @winchesterwild78 @uddiifiigj @libby99hb @urgogodancer

#jensen ackles #soldier boy x you #soldier boy #soldier boy x reader #the boys #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys soldier boy #his second exception #fluff

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rendezvouz-fling · 1 year

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Astro observations #5

Moon signs edition!🍂

• Aries moons, are not even the type to hold grudges or be mad for that long. My bestie has this placement and—we rarely get mad at each other but when we used to she’d literally get so sarcastic (she’s a libra rising) after trying to call me out on my BS. But then would literally text me half an hour later and act like it never happened lol.

• Fire moons are the type to explode in the moment but put it behind them and just continue about like it never happened.

• Air moons are the types to ghost their friends lmao.

• Aquarius moons tend to avoid their partner if they start feeling suffocated in a relationship or if they start losing feelings they’ll just start detaching.

• Libra moons are so indecisive!! They’ll literally reason their pro and cons about something but never really make up their minds.

• Gemini moons give me more Gemini rising vibes than Gemini risings do! Lol 😭.

• Also what is it with some Gemini moons’ moms not giving them attention? To the point of not even checking on them to see how they’re doing or to ask how their mental health’s going…

• Sagittarius moons and never admitting they’re wrong>>>

• Fire moons have some of the biggest hearts!!

• Aquarius/Capricorn moons DO have feelings and they DO feel them. They’re just forced to internalize them most of the times in their home environment so that’s why they come across as “cold”.

• Moons at Capricorn degree (10/22) tend to have to raise themselves in a way.

• I love how bold and raw Aries moons are! Definitely ride or die type friends.

• Virgo moons tend to be heavily attached to their mothers even if their mothers aren’t the most emotional.

• Cancer moons are hella sweet and nurturing! My heart goes out to these people.<3

• Taurus moons cook so well?🤠

• Leo moons can have emotionally immature mothers or mothers that don’t know how to be moms. My heart goes out to these people too! I know that apart from that ego there’s a big genuine heart that’s tired of being hurt. 🤎

• Scorpio moons may be well reserved but once you get close with them they are the sweetest, most kindest people with big hearts. 💞

• Once a Sagittarius moon or Aries moon is vulnerable around you, that’s when you know you’ve won them over.

• Might I add with Sag moons it could be more spontaneous, like, you won’t see it coming.

• Pisces moons are literally the sweetest people ever! But the men—if underdeveloped can the most manipulative people ever.

• I see so many Cancer moons act like superficial Aries moons lol. Very fiesty too and funny May I add!

• Virgo moons could literally be having a mental breakdown but won’t tell you even if you ask them. You’ll probably notice it if they’re biting their nails.

• Earth moons are the type who will know important stuff and you won’t even know they know unless you ask them lol.

• Aquarius moons are the ones you go to for advice. ☝🏽

• Aries moons be having the craziest yet funnest ideas ever loll. “When we see that girl we’re gonna go up to her and confront her, oh and I’ll make sure to bring my baseball bat with the spikes.” Said by my Aries moon bestie💀

• Leo moons literally be holding back on their crazy ideas when they like someone! Even in a relationship. Unless you prove to them that you’re down with whatever then you’ll never really hear them suggest some out of pocket ideas.

• Remember that cousin/sibling with the crazy ideas? Yeah they were probably an Aquarius moon lmao.😂

• Gemini/Sag moon culture is giving somebody advice or encouraging them to take impulsive risks but then saying “That’s just what my opinion though/But that’s just me.” 🌚

• If Saturnian moons are venting then Capricorn moons would be the first to cry, hands down.

• I’ve noticed singers with really big status or influence tend to have mostly Water moons and musicians mostly Air moons. E.g. Michael Jackson & Prince were Pisces moons, Beyoncé is a Scorpio moon, Eddie Van Halen & Randy Rhodes were Aquarius moons, etc…

• Fire moons are also the type to start talking to you first after an argument. Sag moons will try to get close to you again by bringing a topic you both enjoy. Aries moons will bring something random up and continue like y’all didn’t just argue moments ago. Leo moons will tell you not to talk to them then they’ll start talking to you a minute later and if you bring it up they’ll get angry again lol. But they’re not the type to stay mad that long. <3

• Virgo moons will either stay mad at you then if you try to talk to them they’ll hit you with what they think you did/said wrong. Then after 5 minutes they’ll be alright again. Or they’re the type to try to offer you something after they’ve made you mad to smooth things out lol.

• Sag moons 🤝 being unapologetically unfiltered

#astro notes #astrology #astro posts #astro community #astro observations #astro placements #moon signs #rendezvous-fling

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enixamyram · 5 months

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My Unpopular Hazbin Hotel Opinions

Chaggie is one of the best couples and is underappreciated because it doesn't follow stereotypical romance tropes that have been forced down our throats by Hollywood for years.

The majority red colour doesn't bother me. In fact I think it works really well as a media tool to make Hell look depressing without being bland while places like Heaven stand out as being really magical because of the variety of color they have in comparison.

Vox, Velvette and Val are all entertaining characters with great designs and while I will enjoy karma and justice (hopefully) kicking their asses at the end, I also hope it isn't rushed and we can enjoy their chaotic relationship a bit longer.

As long as you respect canon, I don't see any problem with having fun with ships, even the OOC ones. (In fact I kinda like RadioStatic as a ship...)

There are no bad songs.

I hope it's revealed that characters like Angel and Husk did genuinely bad things that earned them places in hell. I feel like their greatest crimes being self inflicted abuse with drugs and alcohol takes away from Charlie's goal and the overall storyline.

I understand why people want Angel and Husk to have a relationship that's more emotional than sexual. But it feels a little unhealthy to say they would cut out sex entirely, like going from one extreme to the other is never a good thing.

Saying Niffty is like a child because of her size and goofiness while drunk is really almost dangerously problematic.

Velvette being treated like Val and Vox's daughter also feels really gross to me. Why is it always the women that get this treatment?

Hazbin Hotel is a passion project from an independent creator. Representation is important and great when included but it shouldn't necessarily be a check list everyone has to do. While I would love to see more plus sized characters, Vivzie clearly has an art style and she shouldn't be vilified for that. The same should not be said for mainstream media projects because they aren't telling a story out of love but rather to be popular and they have a much bigger impact on audiences so they should be held to higher standards.

#Hazbin Hotel #unpopular opinion #Chaggie #The Vees #Huskerdust #RadioStatic #vivziepop #Not sure how unpopular these are 😆#I'm basing these mostly off TikToks I've seen.

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magicdefendorwolf · 1 year

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Its the little things

Description:things they do that just melt your heart

Characters:Kafka,Blade,Jing Yuan,Yanqing,Gepard,Serval,Stelle

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kafka

Despite being a busy woman with lots of things on her mind and shoulders she never seems to forget a single detail about you

She knows you like the back of her hand,she knows when you're stressed,happy,hungry,bored,everything really

And despite coming home tired after a long day she immediately notices your mood,if you're sad or stressed she wastes not time pulling you into her arms to talk about it,no matter how tired she is she will listen to you

Its like she has the perfect memory,she remembers every single detail about you,whether its physical,emotional or in your behaviour

When she sees you're nervous and fidgeting with something she calmly takes your hands into hers,kisses the inside of your palm before saying

"Sweetheart,maybe you should stop letting your body do all the talking and tell me what's wrong will you?"

She would tell you with a warm smile,a genuine one

If you're not ready to talk about it she'll take your mind off of it

And if you wanna talk about it she'll listen no matter what

And nothing will ever stop her from making you her number one priority

And you may not notice that straight away,but with time that becomes crystal clear

Jing Yuan

This dozing general,suddenly becomes the most focused man in the world once you start talking

He may doze off during oficial meetings but when you're talking its a completly different story

It doesnt even matter what you're talking about,you could be talking about the dumbest thing in the world for all he cares,after all its you that's talking,who else could be more important to him?

He also has a way of always making you feel special and deserving of everything

He for one,treats you like a princess no matter what,even if he teases you often he always means it in a lighthearted way

Another thing that simply melts your heart is how he always seems to plan dates with you that he always puts a lot of effort into because he wants you to feel special on your weekly date night,lets not talk about anniversaries,birthdays,and whatnot

The way he is so sweet with the birds and animals surrounding him always seems to have a way to make you internally awe

When he's outside a bird will perch on his shoulder and he'll just pet it so softly,its like all of these birds already know him because the same ones seems to be coming and going

Blade

Now listen to me,this guy has a barely existent romantic side,but

Inbetween all of his teasing that makes you want to smack that annoyingly handsome face of his,between all of those times he looks so cold and uncaring,almost as if he doesnt enjoy your company,each and every single time you think he simply despises you he suddenly does something that shows you he still loves you just as much

He may not be the perfect lover or partner but he tries

When you wake up without him by your side you wake up to breakfast already made and a little note saying "Dont forget to eat"

When you go to bed at night and he thinks you're asleep you never miss that small 'i love you' tha the couldnt bring himself to say in other conditions

When talking with Kafka privately she cant help but point out how whipped blade seems for you,and all you can respond with is pure shock

As she lists down things you would have never noticed if she handnt pointed out or explained to you

His protectiveness over you,you're his treasure,and he is your protector after all,he cant let you get even a slight scratch

How each and every single time he tries to verbalize his feelings for you he just cant put it into words,so he uses other ways

He often brings back gifts for you from wherever he's went,and whenever he's around he never leaves your side,wanting to savour your presence just a little longer

You're in the bathroom? Fine,he'll wait by the door. You're eating? Great he'll nethier eat with you or sit next to you. You have nothing to do? Even better come do something with him

Gepard

Gepard is a busy man,being the head of the silvermane guards and all,but that doesnt mean you're not one of his top priorities

Even if he is on duty or not he is always available for you,just dont try to take him away from his patrol,otherwise you're free to rant to him,talk to him,even if he'd prefer for you to go back to safety

Once he's finally off duty you and his sister are at the top of his list of people to find

After he passed by his sister's workshop he goes straight to your home like a child that is about to do their favourite activity

And even if while he is on duty he only has a short break,if its long enough he's coming to check in on you and his sister

To everyone else he is the head of the silvermane guards,a strong and unvwavering man,but to you,he's a puppy that never wants to leave your side

When he finally has the free time he's a lost puppy just following wherever you go and enjoying your presence

His sister loves teasing him about how lovestruck he is for you,but he cant deny a single thing because its all true,all he can do is shake his head at her antics and blush

Gepard also tries his best to make the most of every single moment he has with you

And he treasures everything he recieves from you,whether it be memories or physical things,whatever you gift him is sacred to him

Serval

The way Serval searches for you in the crowd during her performances and the moment she spots you her face lits up and its like she gained a new boost of energy

Or the way she wraps her arms around you lovingly and nuzzles closer to you during the mornings mumbling a sleepy 'good morning sunshine'

To her,your opinion is one of the most important things,and it simply melts you away to see the way she takes your opinion into consideration and is always so considerate of you

She may not look like the kind to be a doting mother to other people but to you,she is always like a mother nagging at you for going out into Belobog's icy wheather without proper layers of clothing like she doesnt walk around with a cropt top and without a sleeve+a skirt

Being caring and attentive is something she obtained from being Gepard's older sister

And while she thought that her habit of being protective ended once Gepard became a silvermane guard oh boy was she wrong,the moment you entered the picture she was back to her doting and and protective self,she thinks you dont like it but truly,it warms you up more than any coat could knowing this

During late nights in the workshop where you are simply falling asleep while forcing yourself to remain awake,for the sake of waiting for her to come to bed with you,she lightly scolds you about not sleeping not like she doesnt stay up until unholy hours tinkering with different things

But she'll still softly turn around to you,take you into her arms,speaking in such a soft and loving voice about how you should go to sleep

She truly knows how to turn into a puddle

Stelle

You are her charger,when she comes back onto the express,tired and drained of energy she takes your hand and rags you to your room so she can lay in your arms for as long as she needs,you're a person that will never drain her energy or make her tired,you're her safe space,and she is yours aswell

She never fails to turn you into a puddle with some of her pick up lines,some are super corny,but on the rare occasion she makes the sweetest pick up lines that turn you into a blushing mess

She never stops trying to fluster you with her pickup lines no matter how far into the relationship you are or how corny they are

She'll also randomly fall asleep on you,whether she falls asleep on your shoulder,lap,or on top of you while cuddling its a sign of how much she trusts you,its a sign that she feels safe falling asleep in your presence because she knows you will take care of her while she sleeps,or sleep together with her

She also cant help the lovesick grin that forms on her face whenever you are ranting to her about something

She'll be leaning into the palm of her head,her head slightly tilted to the side as she listens to you rant with the most inlove expression you could have ever seen on her face

Also dont try to stop her from carrying everything,and i mean it,if you go out shopping she is your personal bag carrier,if you have to move something heavier in the express she is going to move it for you,no questions asked,she just wants to help you and make sure you dont over carry

She also adores when you dress in matching outfits,or if you ever let her do your hair,the expression of pure joy she has on her face is enough to melt your heart no matter how much ice or cold there may be in it

She just loves your presence and doing things for you

Yanqing

You can never miss the way his eye light up even at the mere mention of your name

When you walk into a room searching for Yanqing and he spots you his previously uncaring and bored eyes suddenly light up with happiness as a small smile makes its way onto his face when he sees you running up to you to give you a big bear hug

Or the way he'll always take the time to explain things to you no matter how many times he's already explained it or how easy the topic is,if you ask him something,even if he'll be giving you the same answer for 100th time he's still going to answer with the same patience and smile

Or how he lets you win during board games,or any game really just to see your happy face when you win for the god knows which time in that row,and yet he can never get upset about losing when he sees you cheering about your win

Or how he so tenderly helps you brush your hair,or do your hair care routine,how he so gently brushes through it careful as to not pull on your hair

And he's always gentle with you,not just when brushing your hair,that gentleness just makes your heart flutter

And the way he's always willing to adapt to you

If you have less energy and prefer to sleep more he'll plan activities that favour your low energy

If you are more energised that great,he has someone who can keep up with him

He'll love you nethier way really

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

#hsr x reader #yanqing hsr #serval x reader #serval #jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #blade hsr #blade x reader #jing yuan hsr #hsr kafka #kafka x reader #gepard #gepard hsr #gepard x reader #stelle #stelle hsr #stelle x reader

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hellaversity · 6 months

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See, this is what happens when people don't count important details in storytelling just because it's not being said outright, but rather shown through character expressions without dialogue. There were hints from the beginning that Stella was always meant to be a bad person and an obstacle to Stolas' feelings for Blitzø.

Don't believe me? Watch Loo Loo Land again with more open ears and eyes. Stella is shown throwing stuff at Stolas, including his sentient plants which he values highly and she was likely aware of that. That imp butler she threw at him means she not only abuses Stolas, but her own servants too, especially those of a particular lower class race.

Octavia's expressions here imply that this isn't an isolated incident either. That's the look of a girl who's heard this same type of arguing from her parents everyday. With how annoyed she looks, Stolas and Stella might as well have been fighting like this for years. It'd be more surprising if they didn't.

Octavia's lack of a reaction to her mom throwing a plant that almost hit her implies that this is far from the first time Stella has thrown things around the house. That is a concerning thing to get used to. Stella is also heard yelling about Stolas sleeping with an IMP, in THEIR bed. Notice the emphasis on "imp" and "our" bed. Even Stolas' only response to that is "I didn't have time to go to a motel!" It's pretty clear here that Stella is more concerned about about Stolas cheating on her with an imp specifically and ruining her reputation than the fact that he cheated at all.

If she was truly upset about the cheating itself, she would've said something more along the lines of "I can't believe you slept with someone else!" or something like that. Throwing their imp butler and him saying "You wanna fuck this one too?" and calling Stolas "pathetic, imp-sucking face" is all you need to know that Stella is making it more about WHO Stolas cheated on her with than the fact that he cheated. Keep in mind that this argument was going on right in front of Via, who didn't even say anything or try to stop it.

Octavia here says "You two done screaming for the day?" with little emotion, and Stolas' reply basically amounts to "Yup" without hesitation. More and more proof that his marriage with Stella was NEVER happy and never something that he wanted.

Later in the episode, Via does say that her parents used to love each other, even though we as the audience know it's not true. Stolas even tries to explain to her that he and Stella were never in love to begin with, but he didn't have the words. Because how exactly can you explain to your daughter that you and your wife were in an arranged marriage since you guys were kids for the sole purpose of producing a child, without offending her and making her think she was only born for one purpose? Or better yet, what reason is there to assume that she'd actually believe you?

People have looked at this picture on the wall and somehow came to the conclusion that Stolas and Stella used to be in a happy, loving relationship based on this picture alone, just because Stella is smiling in it. But if you look cloesly, you'll see that smile on Stella is barely there. She's very obviously faking it to keep up an image. She's forcing it so people won't get suspicious. This is the vision of Stella that Octavia remembers from her youth, which is exactly why she was naive enough to believe that her parents genuinely loved each other before Blitzø came along for a one night stand in hopes of getting the grimoire. Sure, she had seen them arguing and fighting with each other before that, but that's mainly because most if not all parents have gotten into nasty arguments at some point that their children were more likely than not to witness.

Stella is barely looking at Stolas there, clearly rolling her eyes and just wanting the picture to be overwith already. Stolas is genuinely happy there, but that's because his "little owlette" is there with him. He's not looking at Stella at all. Another picture in their house with just Stolas and Stella together has both of them frowning and looking at the camera, not each other. Octavia is the only thing to come out of Stolas' marriage that ever gave him any real happiness. She was the only reason he stayed at that house.

That scene where Stella ignores Octavia's cry for help when she's having a nightmare and tells Stolas to go check on her instead is more evidence that Stella had never been a nice person or a good mother. You could argue that she was just too tired to do anything about it, but look again. Stolas was just as tired as she was, yet he still went out of way to comfort his "little Starfire" when she was having a bad dream. Octavia may have called for both of her parents, but she said she had a bad dream about her father disappearing. Not her parents, just her father.

Also notice the drawings in Octavia's bedroom when she's a child. Look at how many of them are of her and Stolas together, but Stella is nowhere to be found in those drawings. That shows how close Via is to her father, especially when she was a little girl, but was never really close to her mother at all. Sure, those drawings are no longer in Via's room when she's a teen in the present, but remember that her and Stolas gradually got less close to each other as the years went by and their relationship got more flawed, to the point that Via questions if her dad even loves her anymore and literally listens to music about hating dads. But the fact remains that there were never any drawings of Stella in her daughter's room and there still isn't now is pretty telling that Stella was never a good mom, still isn't now and likely never will be.

Now look at The Harvest Moon Festival. If Loo Loo Land didn't convince you that Stella was a bitch, then this episode sure will. Stella's only scene in the episode is her screaming into a phone while she's talking to Striker about wanting Stolas dead. Right in front of him and Octavia. While Via is listening to music that's too loud for her to have even heard the screaming, Stolas heard it pretty clearly. But he had no reaction to his own wife screeching about hiring an assassin to kill him. Him being completely unphased by something like that is surely a sign that Stella had always hated his guts and he knew about it. He likely heard her shouting at the top of her lungs about wanting to murder him with her own bare hands. If he's not reacting to Stella talking to Striker on the phone about planning his death in front of him, he might as well have been hearing shit like that from her for years.

Not counting the pilot, those are the only two scenes with Stella in season 1. Both scenes depicted her in the same light. A loud, violent bitch in a loveless marriage. Therefore, her reveal in The Circus about always hating Stolas from the get go is not a retcon. Not that there was even much known about her character for there to be retconned in the first place, but her few scenes before that episode showed her doing and saying nothing BUT horrible things.

As for Stolitz, Blitzø is more than once implied to return Stolas' feelings for him. He just never said it out loud and is in denial about his own feelings. He's not even aware that Stolas' love for him is genuine because between their reuniting at the Not Divorce Party and their fumbled fake date at Ozzie's, Stolas has only ever talked to Blitzø with sexual innuendos. So Blitzø had no reason to assume that Stolas was legitimately in love with him and didn't just want him for sexy times, because Stolas hadn't really been helping his case. Blitzø ranted to Fizzarolli about Stolas "acting" like he cared about him outside of sex.

Everytime Blitzø talks about Stolas treating him like his own personal fuck toy, he looks and sounds pretty upset about it. I doubt he'd care all that much about his relationship with Stolas being transactional fucking if he didn't like him back. Right after the fake date gone wrong at Ozzie's, Blitzø is looking at several pictures saved in his phone, one of them being a photo of him Stolas laying together in bed. Blitzø looks genuinely happy in that photo, he's even smiling. He DOES enjoy being around Stolas. When Loona comforts him after Bee's party, he can be heard whispering the names of all the people he cares about and is close to. Those people being Loona, Moxxie, Millie and.... Stolas.

In Seeing Stars, Blitzø blushes when seeing Stolas in his human form and you can see his pupils dialating for a few seconds before he changes for a few seconds. I don't know about you, but I don't blush at anyone i'm not in love with when they get a new look. Pupils dialating are also a commom indication that you're looking at something you love. Later in that episode, Blitzo nervously sweats when Stolas whispers into his ear with a seductive voice, smiles at Stolas specifically when he causes the whole audience to laugh, and holds his hand while they run out of the burning building. Blitzø did not need to hold Stolas' hand. He could've just said "Hey, let's get the fuck outta here," and Stolas wouldn't have hesitated. On top of that, they are still shown holding hands long after they escaped and only let go once they see their daughters.

Now, onto the most complicated scene involving the Stolitz relationship, during Blitzø's ball tripping hallucination where he sees Stolas on top of a staircase and is being pulled towards him with chains. Already not a good sign. But Blitzø was already climbing the staircase before the chains appeared. Even when he saw Stolas above him, he didn't run away. He briefly walked towards him before being dragged towards him. He's seen blushing once he reaches the top and Stolas caresses his face. Also notice how the art style in Blitzø's ball trip sequence was completely different from how the show normally looks, but the moment he saw Stolas the art style changed back to normal. Meaning that Blitzø feels the most like himself when he's around Stolas.

He just wants to be in a legit, healthy relationship with Stolas out of love, not the transactional fuck buddy situation he's in right now. He wishes that Stolas would stop calling him degrading nicknames like "impish little plaything" and is bothered by the power imbalance between the two of them.

"Show, don't tell" is an important writing tool that isn't respected these days. If a story isn't being anvilicious and spoonfeeding you information with heavy-handed exposition and infodumps left and right, then foreshadowing details get dismissed and ignored, with some people straight up saying they don't count because it's not being spelled out to them every 5 seconds. This is why some people still insist that Stella's villainy was retconned and that Blitzø has no interest in Stolas despite evidence to the contrary. They were paying more attention to their headcanons than what the show actually presented, and got mad when their headcanons were contradicted by canon.

#helluva boss #blitzø buckzo #stolas goetia #stella goetia #octavia goetia #stolitz #character analysis #show don't tell

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