#shes the opposite of a fag hag

[pierog]

been listening to loads of carly rae jepsen lately.. happy pride

[simurghed]

the lisa + alec roommates sitch is so precious specifically bc they r both the two most talkative / abrasive / generally annoying members of the undersiders (w varying degrees of intent but regardless r still just always saying shit) but once brian + taylor go home they speak like 10 words to each other for the rest of the day .. sometimes in the morning they go into temporary fugue states at the kitchen table next to each other for 5 minutes while eating their cereal

[davekat-sucks]

Fun fact about troll sexuality and alternian society just thought I'd drop because I saw your post while browsing the tags: depending on how you look at it, in earlier troll pages (roughly before 2500) it seems to suggest that trolls do in fact have some concepts of sexuality, but by the time of Karkat preference for hag over fag (2547), they're effectively cut out of the narrative.

Kanaya doesn't introduce herself as a lesbian but does have symbolic associations: rainbowdrinking, forbidden romance, things that scream 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈, especially when explicitly established after her initial interactions with Rose (narratively, not chronologically, because time in homestuck is a fuck). We can say that's just for the audience's sake, for who a character being attracted to women would've been notable and thus symbolically important. Where it gets interesting is with Eridan's first pesterlog with Feferi where Feferi acts kinda like a not-homophobic parent™ by loudly appending her statement to include the potential for same sex attraction. By doing this, it suggests an element of what we in wokeville call heteronormativity. Otherwise you'd just say "any lucky troll," right? But no, Eridan's attraction to ladies is taken as a given, but his attraction to fellows is an afterthought, in caps, with "380" emoticon to make it even more exclamatory. Funnily enough it retroactively paints Eridan's casual acceptance and encouragement of Kanaya's crush on Vriska in a very funny light. Eridan may be, well everything that Eridan is, but he doesn't think twice about people being gay.

The alternative explanation, that would make it so that alternia as a society truly has no systematic heteronormativity, is that Feferi is straight (has a fetish for men, as you would put it) and just because she metaphorically lives in a bubble, assumes everyone else is too. Eridan killing the only strictly homosexual and heterosexual trolls is the act of a bisexual supremacist presumably. Look at the bisexual flag. Remind you of anybody's fashion choices??? And who in the room does he spare? The person with the theme of twos (bi), and the one with ♋ as their symbol, the most bisexual of the positions.

Idk a lot of the last bit is just joking around. I just think it's neat how not concrete the early pages were about alternian society, but you can tell pretty precisely where in the comic that the worldbuilding has to be locked in.

What do you mean about the HAG/FAG cut out from narrative? Like the whole future self talking to the present not talking to them again? It's true that the only other appearance of FAG is on this page. We never heard anything about future Karkat or anyone else talk to the present/current characters by Act 6. I thought Feferi acting the way to Eridan when they were first seen pesterlogging each other was just her establishing her status as a fuschsiablood troll, the highest in the hemospectrum. True she is the type that wants to change Alternia to something less violent, but it doesn't escape the fact she is still using her privilege like the other highblood trolls, to dictate what is right and wrong. And in her case, her top position says nobody can say she is that wrong less they be culled. Nothing about it was her being like a not-homophobic parent, whatever the fuck that is. Doesn't help that Eridan is mostly seen talking to only Jade and Rose. Trolls that had supposedly talk to of the opposite sex is Nepeta for Dave (according to Alterniabound), Tavros and Rose, Kanaya and John(when he was using Rose's account to prank her), Vriska (for John), Terezi (John before moving onto Dave), Karkat (for Jade), Aradia (to Dave in Dream Bubbles), and Gamzee (to Rose if you count in the Dream Bubbles where she spotted him and didn't do shit to him). Sollux is seen to have interacted with Dave but only to show that he was the one who inputted the earlier commands (calling Dave an insufferable prick for Dave's intro). Equius talked to Dave because he mistook him for a highblood cause he had major training under Bro, not seeing anything abusive about it. Feferi interacted with Jade to only tell her she died and nothing came of it despite that it was Feferi herself who said and believed that the Beta Kids would be the one to help out and suggested it to Karkat. We don't know if Eridan had spoken with Dave or John. We can assume as Dave has Gamzee as his favorite troll and has roleplayed with Nepeta, but it's up for speculation on what their interaction is like and how each character feels for the other. Of course, it's not stopping anyone from shipping EriDave or JohnEri. I also think Alternia and trolls thinking humans having many names of sexuality labels, is suppose to be an ironic joke since these are the same trolls that are in a polygamy relationship and determine it by QUADRANTS. Basically, all the trolls who acknowledge or are into quadrants in some form (like Nepeta, Karkat, and Eridan), ARE HYPOCRITES. If it's not trolls being -phobic this or fetish that, then it's the fact the trolls believed their methods are superior to stupid humans.

[ostensiblynone]

Coverage of straight events [in The Hollywood Reporter's "Rambling Reporter" column] was where [Mike] Connolly's conveyance of gay information became most explicit, no matter that he was documenting the efforts made to avoid the appearance of homosexuality. Clannishness among gay men or women was unpalatable to Hollywood society, so it was important for Connolly always to pair a gay name with an opposite-sex escort, even if Hollywood was perfectly aware the coupling was meaningless. Such feeble intimations of romantic attachment could be unintentionally comical, especially if the same beard went out in succession with each half of the same gay couple. Covering the Academy Awards, Connolly noted that British actress Sarah Churchill attended on the arm of publicist Rupert Allan. Some time later he named Churchill as the squeeze of Allan's partner, Fox public relations director Frank McCarthy, while Allan was at the same party with another actress. Then there was the case of Westinghouse spokeswoman and former actress Betty Furness, who seemed to be Hollywood's most beloved and widely circulating fag hag. She had gone out with so many gay men that to be listed as her date was akin to being outed. Even Connolly dated Furness, most notably at the 1956 Democratic Convention in Chicago, calling her "the well-dressed, charming young lady on our arm." (Furness was forty.) In Hollywood, enormous significance was placed on the proximity of names in a gossip column. Spencer Tracy once kicked Hedda Hopper in the derriere for being so indiscreet as to put his and Katharine Hepburn's names in the same sentence. Edith Gwynn, the original "Rambling Reporter," would signal trouble in a relationship by placing a comma rather than the conjunction "and" between couples' names. When it came to gay partners' names, the only scribe in the Hollywood press who regularly used them in the same sentence was Connolly. For discretion's sake, he usually bifurcated the couple and inserted two or three other guests' names between the halves, but those in the know got the message.

—Mike Connolly and the manly art of Hollywood gossip by Val Holley, published 2003

[cumetery]

Ellie might be my least favorite degrassi character she was a terrible fag hag to Marco literally always trying to turn him straight like he doesn’t want you!!! The opposite of a loler as well the only iconic thing she did was Sean jetskiing away from her in that one video

[thy-lover]

Oh, And By the Way - N. Bates

WARNINGS - Foul Launguage, SHORT, Period-Typical Homophobia, Slurs.

SUMMATY - When Norma Bates was still alive she refused to accept the fact that her son was gay. And she hated Norman's lover.

You lolled your head annoyed at Norma's constant babbling. Norman however sat in the chair opposite to you, his hands were folded neatly and he stared at his lap unsure of what to do.

"You bring a man into this house! You announce him as your what Male friend?! He's those disgusting rebel kids! Oh, let me tell you Norman. Bates. If you're daddy was here he'd turn in his grave!"

You rolled your eyes and proped your chin in the palm of your hands, watching as Norma pointed her old finger at Norman accusingly.

"Ta' think!" Her voice croaked like old wood in a rainstorm "Ta' think I raised a fag-"

You stood up quickly and growled "Fuck off ya old hag! Take your complaints and shove it!"

Norman gasped and stood up pulling you away from his fuming mothers "Please Lov- Mother please, this is enough I don't-"

Norma curled her wretched old claws "YOU! Get out of my house you charlatan! You filthy, disgusting rotten ol-"

Norman groaned and pulled you to the door, even while you resisted, but you huffed and followed Norman to the door "Love, I'll talk to you later, I'm gonna try to calm her down."

You walked out the door but before he could close it you leaned in and kissed him, making sure to grope him a bit. Normans eyes fluttered shut feeling your tongue in his mouth. You just knew Norma was fueling.

You pulled away and pecked his plump lips. He blushed so cutely and shuffled in place now wanting to follow you to your car.

When you turned around to leave you turned back around and pushed the door open slightly before Norman could close it fully "Oh and by the way Ms. Bates," You sent her a shit eating grin, to which she knitted her brows in confusion "Your son bounces on my cock real good."

You turned heel and bolted like a bat out of hell.

Norman didnt even bother locking the door or closing it. His jaw fell open and he slowly but surley turned to his mother.

Little did you know when you left that house, it would be the last you've seen of Norma Bates.

[putabourqueinit]

LOVE/HATE

When I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood I was not aware it was a predominately white neighborhood. I didn’t go to school with anyone who didn’t look like me until high school, when I realized there were only 4 black boys on the football team--for some reason this struck as odd to me.   I suppose I thought majority of athletes are black and the majority on Lafayette High School’s Football team were not.  I used the word “black” as the adjective not out of disrespect, but because that is what I was taught if you weren’t white you were black.  Even now when I try my hardest to be as  “politically correct” as I can be, I still have to second guess myself when I want to say “African American” community or “Black” community.  

When my parents split up my mother, brother and myself moved into an apt.  I was 7 and Scott was 5.  There was a black boy who lived next door to us and we all became friends.  He would be the first and only black kid to sleep over at my house while growing up and we were not a racist family.  

I remember when I was a cheerleader in college there was a beautiful black girl who cheered with me named Andrea.  Once when we were on a road trip and were at a restaurant sitting at a long table of about 16, she waited patiently for her food and then she made a comment when she received hers last.  She was the only black person at the table.  I remember hearing her words “of course I get my food last” and thinking “what is she talking about...maybe she was just unlucky to get her food last?”  I still don’t know which was the case, but I do remember wondering if in fact she did get her food last because she was different.  

When I was 26 I moved to Los Angeles.  Obviously a city with different cultures bursting at the seams.  It was then my one dimensional bubble was popped and I realized how sheltered I actually was.  I met my first jewish friend--surely there are jewish people in Lafayette, Louisiana how did i never meet one?  I was a fitness trainer and some of my fellow trainers were gay.  There were lots of single women who were best friends with gay men and they called themselves “fag hags.”  I was so turned off by this saying.  I did meet a guy who was gay and we became really great friends.   I told him I was mostly uncomfortable around gay people because I just didn’t understand them.  Not the part about loving a person of your own gender, who cares about that, but mostly why do they have to be so flamboyant or more feminine that I was?  He told me something that sorta blew me away.  He said “Leslie, most of these people lived in places where you just came from.  They were told they could not be who they wanted to be so they hid it for a very long time.  Then they moved to a place where it is so accepted and welcomed they are literally just going nuts and probably over the top just trying to be as free as they can.”   Los Angeles broadened my horizon in so many ways and I I still have great friends who are Persian, Muslim and so many other cultures and they are amazing.  

When I moved back to Louisiana I could see very clearly the racism that was deep rooted here.  I saw it better than others did who were entrenched in this culture, the Cajun culture, and just didn’t want to acknowledge it.  I saw it first hand when I called out a man who was using a derogatory word to describe a group of people.  He said he was a part of the KKK and then said “You must be sleeping with a black man if you are defending them.”  Needless to say I was appalled, but not surprised. 

Since moving here I have made it a mission to understand racism better.  I have been trying to put together an event for over a year to find a way to bridge the gap (or the two sides opposite of the railroad track.)  I feel the only way to begin to understand each other is to listen-really listen.  From my experience I feel white people come from fear and black people come from anger and we can only begin to understand each other if we choose to. 

We are now seeing in a world filled with so much uniqueness lies so much hate.   If you are a racist, homophobic, bigot etc there must be an incredible amount of darkness in your soul to not see that we all do not need to be the same or look the same.  It is not possible, period.   

Is this the country we want to be- deeply intolerant?  How do we shift the climate from hatred to love? 

[simeon-takes-a-break]

Not everything will kill you in Australia - but it goddamn tries to - Part 1

After my stressful departure from the Philippines I was more than ready to have a festive, joyful and happy Christmas time at the sunny beach in Sydney. Well, Australia was not. First of all where the hell was summer? Seriously, I stepped out the airplane and immediately got hit by a blizzard and temperatures not seen since Roland Emmerich’s “The Day After Tomorrow”. OK, I might exaggerate a bit but this was supposed to be summertime in Australia. Instead it was more or less the bloody same temperature as back in Zurich (they had an unusual warm Christmas). Also, due to me missing my flight in Manila, I arrived late on Christmas Eve and by the time I checked in at the outrageously expensive hostel pretty much everyone had left the nest. I however had a plan and would stick to it, come what may. That was a couchsurfing community gathering at the beach to be precise. I hopped on the bus and got all the way out to famous Bondi beach only to encounter a pitiful group freezing their asses off on said deserted beach. The scenery reminded me of Jack Nicholson’s last shot in “The Shining”. I joined the last Mohicans for a round of festive holiday drinks and fucked off within 30 minutes. No way I would catch my death here.

Back in the city I found the hostel deserted so decided to venture out to find a cozy restaurant where I can be forever alone and eat my first ever Christmas dinner apart from my family and - much more catastrophically - without delicious home made Bulgarian food. Luckily, I found a small restaurant that served Croatian food.

I ordered some familiar dishes which tasted quite acceptable (no worries Mom, no one is even close to your impeccable cooking skills). Also I managed to facetime with la familia and some friends back in Zurich, bringing the overall depression level considerably down. After that my only friend was alcohol. That and karaoke. Entertainingly performed by drunk gays, drag queens and fag hags. Considering my situation this was to be assessed as a pretty good outcome.

The next day it only could go uphill as I met my sister’s friend Anja who pretty much started her world trip the same time as me but in the opposite direction and here we were on the other side of the world criss-crossing each other’s path. That girl has a voice of a 90 year old man who’s been smoking two packs of cigarettes since childhood. She seriously belongs in a jazz band or in a studio dubbing movie trailers.

The weather remarkably improved and we finally were able to fully enjoy Sydney as intended. Anja and her friend even let me crash their fabulous Airbnb flat so I could save a thousand or so dollars (goddammit Down Under got really expensive). I in turn introduced them to the equally fabulous and crazy Sydney gay nightlife. I am now in possession of some pretty interesting pics that will insure my pension should she indeed break it into Hollywood. (She already is on her way as she organizes by now Switzerland biggest award show - go gurrrl!).

And then it was time to meet a colleague from the bank I used to work at who had mentioned that he was planning his holiday in Australia. He thus suggested to join forces for two weeks and explore the South. I did share my concerns with him as we had totes different mindsets: I was backpacking for a year and he was a successful banker ready to spend my month's budget for a night at a fancy hotel. Eventually I gave in. Big mistake.

Our first days in Sydney were actually pretty great. The flat he booked was amazing, the parties we went to as well and I even go to see Yannick, whom I spent crazy days with back in Singapore as well as Irwin, whom I met back in 2008 during my first Aussie Aussie oi oi oi experience. Yes, I am that international. #humble #blessed #iknowhowhashtagswork

New Years Eve was a hoot. First of all we were amused how on TV they were showing some batshit crazy tourists who would queue for 24 freaking hours to grab the best viewing spot for the fireworks and then wait for another 18 hours for the spectacle to actually begin. Ain't nobody got time for that. Instead we decided to have a nice meal at the flat when suddenly we heard fireworks. What time was it? Did we miss something? Was our vodka diet kicking in (Lose 3 days in one week)? Was it really after midnight? Frantically checking our phones we realized that this was a family fireworks display at 9pm. Oh how goddamn unnecessary to confuse us just so little Timmy can get his own special fireworks.

Midnight was however approaching fast and we had no idea where to go. A special Sydney fireworks app came in handy displaying in real time which spots were still open. Not many as it turns out - 30 minutes before the clock was about to strike Cinderella hour (those crazy tourists were probably laughing now). It was already a miracle that we managed to get a cab to one of the locations we deemed suitable. 5 minutes before showtime we got there, managed to get in and out (the view was worse than seat 1 in row 1 in a movie theater) and just before we lost hope miracle number #2 kissed us: we discovered a small wall: and once gracefully climbed granting us full view at the famous harbor bridge. The fireworks were mesmerizing. Fueled by this great experience and cheap vodka red bull in oversized plastic cups we were ready to hit Sydney’s nightlife and properly celebrate the arrival of 2014. For some reason I have no clear memory of that night however I do remember that we somehow ended up in the backstage dressing room at a gay club. I felt like a kid in a candy store. Remember that movie “The Sweetest Thing” with Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate?

Yeah, exactly like that. With the slight difference that the wigs must have been worth thousands of fabulous gold coins. Those drag queens have set their priorities straight. I’ll probably never will look as fabulous as I did in that moment. Long story short we got caught red-handed, screamed at and thrown out. Fantastic night, sweetie.

New Year’s Day was obviously very quiet so my body could rest… I’m just kidding. We went to “Daywash” a day party that cost us an arm and a leg, which equaled to precisely AUD 110, or 55 per limb. And it was absolutely utterly boring. The party crowd consisted of piles of sweaty muscled up flesh clones either self-absorbed or crazy due to questionable substances.

Time to ditch the day-zombies, bemoan the hard-earned and ill-spent 110 Aussie dollars, waive Sydney goodbye and check out Melbourne where the nightmare would slowly unfold…

[sunsetsanchez-blog]

ROMANTIC HEADCANONS.

name : Richard Daxter Sanchez

nickname : Miami Rick/Miami/etc

gender : cis male

romantic orientation : homoromantic

sexual orientation :  homosexual

preferred pet names : n/a

relationship status : single

opinion on true love : He has a superficial idea of love in his mind that never really came to fruition considering he doesn’t have much experience in the matter. He treated family either like trash or spoiled princesses so his idea of ‘love’ is skewed greatly. Rick often thinks there is no such thing or he won’t find one, skeptical and doubtful.

opinion on love at first sight : nonexistent

how ‘romantic’ are they? : Not at all, but not cause he doesnt want to be but he doesn’t really know how to. Again, love is a foreign word, an estranged feeling to him and one he hasn’t delved into nor had any real experience with. So if there was any chance of romance from him, it would be genuine but sloppy.

ideal physical traits : Young, muscular, usually fit or strong. He has a lenience towards traits like his own so blue eyes, light colored hair etc. Gotta have a good ass, and if there’s not at least somewhat matching fashion taste theres no way they could work

ideal personality traits: Even if he won’t admit it he’s been looking for some sort of relation to himself. They say opposites attract but he believes the opposite, that if he was to work with another being on such an intimate level they’d need a lot in common, both interest as well as home living. Despite never being in such a situation, he does imagine them; mostly that no one would fit his lifestyle and he’s ‘just fine’ with that.

unattractive physical traits: Cheap fashion sense or messy clothes, bad hygiene, messy hair, pale skin, deformations, theres probably more

unattractive personality traits : mooches, fag hags, ppl that use him for money, ppl that use him for his skill in violence or place as mafia leader, assholes, goody-two-shoes, childish, negligent... i feel like he might be picky LMAO

ideal date : Considering he already lives in paradise, his ‘ideal date’ would likely actually be somewhere enclosed and comfortable, private even. He’d still party and drink and whatever else but it would be between them, and whatever that might entail

do they have a type? : ???

average relationship length: His longest-lasting relationship was with Eleanor, who he stuck with until her untimely death.

commitment level : it depends on who ur but romantically? so far, nonexistant

opinion of public affection : Thinks its attractive and doesnt really mind it. Love is in the air, youth are living their life, people are doing what they are- he has no opposition nor really any strong feelings on the matter.

past relationships? : Again, Eleanor. He’d known her from a young age and, while he didn’t expect to be in such a situation with her from their original relationship to the kids thereafter, she accepted him as well as his sexuality and change in direction within his own life. He’d never been as close to anyone before or after. She’d made such a difference in his life that, even with the change in his sexuality, he’s not sure he could make up for that in any other partner.

favorite canon ship : n/a

favorite non-canon ship : n/a

notps: any rick/morty, this should be obvious. all else is generally open

tagged by : @evilgsanchez literally a month ago i just saw it in my drafts haha. nothing interesting here

[myskymineonly]

*sigh* "SANA: She’s a racist hag who.. She lied to my face! And behind my back, she was scheming to throw me off the bus! ISAK: Maybe she just wanted to throw you off the bus because you’re a condescending, bossy bitch. But like.. Why are you so cold towards people, Sana?" He said that maybe Sara wanted to throw Sana off the bus because she was a bossy bitch. He never called her that as a direct result of the Islamophobia she faces. He never said that she shouldn't be like that because of the racism she faces. "I’m not saying there aren’t racist in Norway. There are probably a lot, but.. I didn’t grow up as a muslim girl, but believe me, I’ve been where you are. As soon as you start looking for hate, you’ll find it. And when you find hate, you start hating yourself." Isak said not to look for hate. Not that hate doesn't exist. He never said racism and islamophobia doesnt exist. He said not everyone is like that. He said that there are probably a lot of racists in Norway. He said not to actively look for it in everything people do. He didn't tell Sana to not respond to hate she recieves. He, infact, asked for the opposite. To answer peoples questions and face the ignorance instead of ignoring them and closing herself off. A person saying "Get a room, you fags!" "Fucking gross." is not him seeking hate. It is hate. Yes he got angry. He has a right to. He never faulted Sana for getting angry in the face of racism. His only problem with the way Sana handled things was that she went behind his back and did something that caused harm to people close to her.

[iluvtv]

Break Fast with Snack Blankets

I celebrated the Jewish New Year and the masochistic Jewish tradition of atonement by wrapping up season 3 of Difficult People. I had been waiting, savoring, delaying… but can’t seem to hold off any longer.

Finishing a  secular, divisive comedy on the holiest night of the year may seem sacrilege to some but I would argue it is entirely apropos. Much like some choose to fast for their sins, this too is a masochistic “task” as once I finish I will have another ENTIRE lonely year without my dear difficult friends (and that’s counting on another season even being made at all….*).  

In the spirit of the season premiere where Julie found it necessary to medicate just to survive Passover I will wager bets that I may need a tranquilizer (or two) to survive the combination of another terribly sad Yom Kippur along with the end of my annual DP fix. Thank goodness a season premier of Great News will quickly follow. While it is, perhaps a more mainstream, accessible sit-com, it also is fabulous and produced by Tina Fey. Let’s be honest I basically need something fresh to laugh at from either Pohler of Fey at all times. It should be like a law or something that their particular female dream-team is always gifting us with their comedic fruits of labor.  

So, let’s debrief the season (but seriously let’s put the brief back in debrief as I am a little swamped right now, looking at menus from pricey local restaurant in hopes that my exceedingly generous client will treat me to yet another wonderful dinner —and time is of the essence).

We’ll start where I left off…

Episode 3 delves into Julie’s addiction to her Mother. Grappling with her diagnosis Billy asks Julie what the opposite of Endorphins are.

“Judaism” she replies, deadpan.

And of course it is. Hence the desperate need to self-medicate in episode 1.

In episode 4 I can’t help but notice all the subliminal and yet repetitive advertising of shitty restaurant chains (all of which happen to be in serious financial trouble according to my limited research). Why are Quizno’s, Applebees and Subway advertising with such a leftist show?  What is their agenda exactly? Saving face perhaps? Or maybe Julie just really likes sandwiches on terrible bread. And if staring at Applebees doesn’t excite you here are three unbelievably relatable quotes:

Julie: I have plans later

Billy: food or tv related?

Julie: both, I'm curling up with my snack blanket to watch the lifetime movie of all lifetime movies.

Julie (to her doting man): “I need a break from the sweet snack blanket can you grab the savory one from the closet?”

(I literally own both a sweet and savory snack blanket! How am I single?!)

Julie: I know cunt moves, I respect them

And the cunts that move them.

Namaste.

(And that’s literally how I feel about yoga).

And then, of course the episode ends with Billy and his new boyfriend's first kiss taking place in front of Equinox.

And while clearly Equinox and Gay Pride do go together like me and Gay bars (never underestimate a fag hags love of only flirting with the unavailable -- I guess if the “snack blanket” didn’t cinch the deal this might explain things) Klausner and Eichner might be a bit interested in the fact that I (a girl who only flirts with the unavailable) was actually fired from the company on an unfounded accusation of sexual harassment… basically a sexist overreaction to a female saying the word vagina. I know this isn’t really relevant to our debrief but cultural relevance is cultural relevance and basically Equinox isn’t as progressive as you might think....

Which of course, brings me straight into episode 5 where Julie and Billy discover that the part of Central Park which used to be reserved for Gay hookups is now an outdoor Equinox yoga studio. So, it is basically the same thing but with a hefty price tag. Gentrification is everywhere and even fictional butt-fucking in the park isn’t free anymore. Sad face emoji.

This episode is also fabulous for its intense focus on sexism and the tremendous pressure on women to smile at all times.

Julie just can’t do it.

And that’s why we love her.

Then there is episode 6 where there are so many riffs on sex, politics and TV I don’t even know where to start. So, let’s instead discuss OpenTable’s odd arrival to the small screen. First with this quote from a casting agent to Billy and Julie:

We know from your opentable reservations neither of you have NYE plans

(Oh, fuck my life neither do I. Unless, maybe we can count watching the Season Finale of Difficult People on Yom Kippur and call it a day...?)

Later in the episode it is revealed the the aforementioned reservation platform is also “running original content”. And while they may be the one app that isn’t yet doing this I’m sure they actually are close behind. Funny cuz it’s true?

Which reminds me, I must be brief…I have my own OpenTable reservations to make...

But, before we move on I simply must mention one more sexist/tv/food related quote from this episode:

“Like the ad for yoplait where the woman gets so thin she disappeared and the man says, ‘now there's a woman I don't wanna punch’”

If that doesn’t make you lol you’re dead inside.

If you like the recurring theme of how sexist TV is, Episode 7 takes the cake. Julie (thanks to a vision board) is able to try her hand at working in a writer’s room. Clearly though, no matter how hard she tries she simply cannot make the opportunity successful because what we learn from these insiders is TV is written for men by men (though the recent 2017 Emmy’s did prove times are a-changing). The whole episode is perfect but is best summed up with this quote from the writer’s room:

"Oh no I hate women, I got into writing for tv so I could not write for them"

Meanwhile Marilyn decides to “do something for herself” (gasp, I know) and settles on a Bat Mitzvah. And while I (a Bat Mitzvah myself, actually) had no idea, she teaches us you can’t become a woman without a theme. Her theme? “ME”. 

Why didn’t I think of that?

Episode 8 is a perfect representation of modern day city life. Billy and his boyfriend aren’t able to fall asleep next to each other as this quiet act is just far too intimate (I can relate). The lovebirds spend most of the episode trying to tire themselves out in a desperate attempt to move forward with their relationship. Their antics towards exhaustion are, of course, fantastic especially when the most tiring thing Billy can think of to do is calling his cousin and asking her “why she decided to take a break from social media.”

They take part in every boring, typically tourist adventure New York has to offer only to discover that those who visit their city are actually bigger freaks than those who choose to live full-time in New York. Fabulous.

Meanwhile, the two most narcissistic people on the show (Matthew and Marilyn) secretly work to manipulate the other in selfish attempts to steal the other’s identity. 

And if all this wasn’t enough antics, Julie tries to return to improv only to discover she just isn’t the requisite “yes, and” girl of improvisation but does quite well with “a no but girl.” agenda

Me too Julie, me too.

And finally we have episode nine which includes an unintentional ayahuasca trip, a trans-sorority reunion vacay and most importantly a focus on the premise that the opportunity to change on a whim is available to all selfish, difficult people because we don’t have dependents. You’re welcome world.

Here are the most quotable treats:

Billy (who is feeling very over NY) on Bowling Alleys (and I suppose hipsters in general):

"It's like Poor Man: The Ride "

The team’s view of Etsy:

Julie: “Etsy’s a cult "

Billy: "except for with arts and crafts so basically it’s camp"

Yes, OMG, how did I not think of that?!

And then there is the neurotic Jewish Mother’s method of procrastination/anorexia.

Marilyn: “I should have a lemon wedge. I worked out this morning, I deserve one.”

There is one of the best public transportation scenes I have ever witnessed. I won’t even debrief it because I literally just can’t do it justice.

And then we get down to the nitty gritty: the crew accidentally do the trans-sorority girls’ ayahuasca and in a panic of the unknown Arthur finds a step-by-step guide on Miley Cyrus’s website.

Of course.

They all are on board with most of her steps (no-one even flinches in regards to vomiting) but when the thought of confronting their innermost truth they are less than thrilled.

I agree, who wants to do that?

But they do and it seems to be bliss for them all:

Marilyn enters a Marilyn only world

Matthew hallucinates a terribly fat, naked  gay man in a chef’s hat, jumping

Arthur hallucinates Julie taking charge

Billy gets on a tv show and breaks up w/ NYC

And Julie’s crafting persona has a duel with her actress persona

so, basically everyone wakes up glad they did ayahuasca .

Maybe being a difficult person also means you are secretly really well adjusted?

Revelations aren’t easy but they are wonderful from this crew:

Julie reading her closing monologue which is covered in vomit: "because I do comedy I will always be on the misery spectrum...I am an unhappy person but the alternative is being someone I don't know and that, is terrifying."

Motivated to change, Billy starts looking for apartments in LA, but finds the process a wee bit exhausting (even his IMDB page must be submitted— fucking LA).

Meanwhile, the trans-sorority girls recite their pledge:

“never go on CNN to discuss Caitlyn Jenner.”

OH GOD IT’S ALL SO GOOD. 

Shall we mourn it’s passing with a yahrzeit? 

But before we commemorate this tragic, tragic end I’ll have the series finale recap for you shortly....

*sadly since writing this first draft the cancellation of this essential comedy has been revealed