#shit fuck and donkey butt

[cantfuckbracket]

Can't Fuck Bracket - Group Stage. Group 28: Characters That Inspired Paragraphs

Jiang Cheng (MDZS/The Untamed) versus Bertrand Beaumont (The Royal Romance) versus Joe Goldberg (You)

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Jiang is a Chinese man with long hair, shown with a woozy face; Bertrand is a white man in a sweater and blazer, frowning; Joe is a white man with short hair, shown staring blankly. Over it are pictures of the contestants. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

Jiang Cheng: "He’s literally such a bad date that he is blacklisted from dating pools. He’s ranked as the 5th most handsome bachelor in the cultivation world (who is the panel of judges that decide this? I really don’t know!!!) yet despite this and him ALSO being rich and powerful on top of that, women still hate him!!! Hes just that unpleasant!!!!! He’s constantly being one-upped by his adoptive brother (deserved) (4th most handsome bachelor, btw) so much so that it’s become a meme, he even lost a best mdzs character poll tournament (in the first round iirc) to said adoptive brother’s pet donkey. Literally no one wants him!!!!! He is the loneliest saddest most pathetic sopping wet cat of a man I’ve ever seen!! I’m convinced he will die a virgin" / "Guy has no game, in the drama version (the untamed) he goes after a chick who’s clearly a lesbian and just never gets any"

Bertrand Beaumont:

• like father like son innit

• he's a cunt but not in a cool sexy way. in a pathetic overgrown rat kind of way that makes you want to punt him back into the sewers

• his name is bertrand archibald beaumont. would YOU wanna fuck him???? i thought not

• the amount of times you have to help him with his relationship. like the countless apologies for being a dumb stupid shit. helping him propose. help with his vows. im 110% convinced mc had to get on video chat for their wedding night so she could instruct bertrand on what to do

• yeeeeah you can't convince me they dont sleep in separate beds in separate rooms

• and also that nasty sweater vest and jacket?????? i know he hasnt washed them in years. of course no one would go near him

• that one country outfit

• killer eyebrows? eye'm gonna kill meself x

Joe Goldberg: "The first time he gets to fuck a woman that he's stalked he finishes in like 2 seconds. Never appears to be any better at fucking any of the countless times he fucks after that. I bet his dick feels like a limp fish. Also got arrested for having sex in a public place and constantly jacks off in public like I think if you were any good at sex you wouldnt need to be doing that. Tried to have a bisexual foursome once to get his wife to leave him and he wimped out so hard at the idea of fucking another man even though he is arguably bisexual himself. The most sexual tension he ever actually had was with a hallucination of another man he had in his own head. Just kind of pathetic"

[jaquesmes]

You need somebody to stand up right… to look you in your eyes… and for once… for ONCE… in your LIFE! To just tell you… TO SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUP!!! Holy shit you’re annoying as hell if you don’t shut yo dirty disgusting dingy obtuse smelly insignificant musty bestiality promoting Zootopia meat beating parental guidance lacking hairline retracting dog leash wearing obnoxious butt crack sniffing computer mouse clicking genetically impaired insecure rambunctiously reactive peanut brain disastrous humanoid creation with yo avocado chin snapping turtle neck OIIIIII DONKEY! Your mom built like Shrek! Guess what? I don’t care about anything you just said you live in your family’s shed you got kicked out of special Ed 97.3% brain cells currently existing within your head are motherfucking dead.

Not reading all that but congrats or damn I’m sorry that happened

[1800-page-not-found]

Blade's actual story (honkai star rail/stelleron hunters x reader)

oh my god you guys kafka is so hot id let her run me over with a semi truck but actually not because i dont like pain

implied kafka x reader

I wrote this for what reason

its absolute chaos, read at your own risk

contains swearing

what am i doing with my life

i want to apologize before you read this

"Do you ever have the urge to dropkick a child?" You wondered out loud as you rest your head on kafka's shoulder. "Y-" But before kafka could say any more, blade butt in. "Everyday."

You sat up straight and stared at him. "I wasn't fucking talking to you, you piece of shit we should've just left you there at the Xianzhou Luofu." You moved to strangle him before Kafka turned you around and caught you in a superb romantic position. "You shouldn't go after that man child, put all your focus on me, won't you?"

"Do we kiss now?" you speak, slowly inching you way to kafka's scrumptious lips. She giggled and leaned to kiss you.

Blade, shocked that his mother would kiss that atrocity (he's referring to you)-oh my gosh are you going to be his new step mother? You started to laugh evily and throw balls of fire at him. (This was a figment of his imagination, this did not happen in real life.) Oh no, you're going to be an evil step mom! (only to blade ofc)

Out of the pure shock and terror, blade started to foam in the mouth and dropped dead like the rat he is. You went to check up on him because you didnt want to clean up another dead body. "He's not going to die unfortunately because he's immortal" you said.

"Oh really? I thought he would turn into a fair-" suddenly kafka's words were cut off (again) as blade started to grow cute pink wings and become your fairy godmother. Instead however, when he woke up, he started to throw his cute fairy wand that was pink and covered in glitter at people he was supposed to grant wishes to causing him to get fired by the fairy godmother association. This caused him to turn into shrek.

Kafka, actually terrified for once in her life pulled out her guns and shot at her own son, well what do you even call it now? idk either. anyway she started shooting but shrek-blade was bullet proof! it grabbed you by the hair and pulled so hard it made you bald. Kafka screamed in terror seeing your naked head and started to turn into a disney princess. You on the other hand turned into whats his face the villain in smurfs with the bald spot dude but more gorgeous and feminine/masculine. You became evil and ruled the world along side your wife who was now a disney princess but it turns out she was cheating on you with prince charming and so she ran away with him and lived happily ever after, but you, super heart broken, sang with shrek and finally turned into the donkey and ate shrek (you killed him)

the end youre welcome

p.s. silver wolf saw the whole thing but after a second, she thought it would be cool to hack another jet but when she got on it it blew up and well everyone died including her so

dont play with fire-literally.

[warringwarrioridiot]

"They was asking for it"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR?? A BIG FAT BASEBALL BAT TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL AT FULL SPEED MAX ISTG

Mfs like this need to take a long walk off of a short cliff cus if I EVER catch them I'm gonna commit some good old fashion homicide.

If you say things like "You should've enjoyed it" or "at least you got some" I'm tracking your IP and shoving ten cacti in your anal hole and/or vagina.

"game is game 🤪"

You need to shut your ketchup stain, Junkrat main, micro brain, aluminium chain, ankle sprain, CHOCOLATE RAIIIIN, with your runny nose dirty toes lick hobos cOwAbUnGa BrOs, Dude, I want you to look at your entire life. All your life choices. And tell me when you had an original idea in your brain. Your ass got kicked out and disowned and you started aggressively tapping the home button on your IPhone "Oh, help. Why is it not working?". YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS LIKE A NARUTO FILLER EPISODE, MY BOY! YOUR PRANKS ARE AS REPETITIVE AS THE AD "Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper" YOUR BRAIN IS JUST AS REAL AS THE LOVE YOUR PARENTS HAVE FOR YOU! YOUR GRANDMA GAVE BLING BLING BOY A LAP DANCE FOR PAY DAY. Wait hold on! *Punch punch punch* GIVE ME THE MONEY YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST ROBBED YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST HIT A LICK ON YOUR GRANDMA, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! SHE POOR AS HELL NOW! YOU PUT A BALLOON ON YOUR HEAD AND THOUGHT IT WAS A DURAG! YOU LIKE RONALD MCDONALD FROM OHIO! "HEYA KID! YOU WANT A BIG MAC?!" WHEN YOU WALK DOWNSTAIRS YOUR WHOLE HOUSE STARTS RUMBLING! YOU BRING THE POWER OF EREN YEAGER AND 37 COLOSSAL TITANS DOWN YOUR STAIRCASE! AFTER YOU EAT DINNER YOU EAT THE PLATE AND THEN YOU EAT THE TABLE AS WELL! CHOMP CHOMP! YOU RENT OUT THE GAP BETWEEN YOU TEETH AS A PARKING SPACE FOR ANTS! YOU LOOK EMO ASF "CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES! THIS IS MY LAST RESORT! SUFFOCATION! NO BREATHING!" LOOK AT YOUR NOSE YOU HAVE TWO MARIO PIPES COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD! YAHOO! LET'S A GO! THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO FINDING NEMO BASED OFF YOUR ASS CALLED "LOCATING CHROMOSOMES! IN THEATRES THIS JULY!" YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A RAT LIVING UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN! YOU POSTED AN INSTAGRAM STORY ABOUT A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US! YOU TORTURED AN ANT BY TYING HIM TO YOUR BUTTHOLE AND FARTING ON HIM! I HAVE MORE ROASTS YOU KNOW! YOUR GRANDMA IS A DARK SOULS BOSS CALLED "THE WRINKLE!

EW NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THERE IS NO WAY! THAT THIS... OLD ASS FART WRINKLE IS TALKING TO ME IN SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL MANNER. YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA SAD YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDPA NOW BUT INSTEAD OF ADVANCING YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHAIN YOU'VE INSTEAD SPENT YOUR DAYS ALONE IN YOUR ROOM READING HITLER MANIFESTOS AND COSPLAYING AS A FUCKIN' NEO NAZI. SO MANY YEARS AND SUCH LITTLE ADVANCEMENT. No seriously! Seriously I find it amusing THAT YOUR PENCIL PENIS DONKEY KONG BARREL BUILT LOOKIN' ASS WOULD ASSUME THAT I EVEN REMOTELY CARE ABOUT A SINGLE ONE. NO NO NO FUCK THAT. A SINGLE SYLLABLE OF THE VERBAL DIARRHEA GARGLE THAT'S COMING OUT OF THE DUSTY SARLAC PIT YOU CONSIDER TO BE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MY FACE?? YOU WANNA SEE MY FUCKIN' FACE??? BITCH SHOW ME YOUR FUCKIN' HAIRLINE CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW DRESSED UP AS A GOD DAMN DIABOLICAL BOY SCOUT. NAH LOOK AT THEM TEETH. BOY YOUR TEETH IN CREATIVE MODE. HELL NAH BOY STOP PLAYING YOU TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. BRO THEY GOT FOSSIL RECORDS FOR EACH ONE OF YOUR FAT ROLLS. NAH STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY I CAN'T TAKE YO ASS SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DRESS UP LIKE A GODDAMN MEDIEVAL TERRORIST. BRO IS ABOUT TO SHOOT UP HIS OLD FOLKS HOME WITH A CROSSBOW AND A FUCKING TREBUCHET. YA YEET DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM! SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP. WHAT THE FUCK? A HE AHHH EEEEE SHUT UP BITCH. YOU WANT ME TO TURN ON MY CAMERA? YO DICK BUILT LIKE A INVERTED BANANA. YO FOREHEAD CRACKED UP LIKE THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH. I CAUGHT YOU AND YO SISTER BUTT NAKED LAST NIGHT. SWEET HOME ALABAMA. FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS? WHAT IS YOU WEARING WITH YO GODDAMN HONEY WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT? NAH BOY LOOK AT YO ROOM, YO HOUSE DIRTY AS HELL. YOU GOT FOUR SEWER RATS IN YO BATH TUB RIGHT NOW FLOATING ON TOP OF A PIZZA BOX SINGING. "YO HO THIEVES AND BEGGARS". LIKE SHIT, BOY I CAUGHT YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION WITH YO TOE NAIL LAST NIGHT. WE COULD'VE BEEN SUPER STARS REMEMBER WHEN WE AS JACKING CARS. YOU AND YO TOE NAIL WAS GOING TO BE THE DYNAMIC DUO. BITCH YOU WAS GONNA BE IN AMERICA'S GOT TALENT SWINGING THAT SHIT AROUND LIKE A FUCKING BOOMERANG. SHUT YO STUPID ASS UP. BRUH I CAUGHT YOU JACK SPARROW RUNNING AROUND YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO BEAT YOU WITH A TOILET PLUNGER LAST NIGHT. COME HERE BOY! SHUT YO ASS UP. BITCH EVERYTIME YOU TAKE A SHIT THE GAME OF THRONES THEME SONG STARTS PLAMMERING IN YO HOUSE.BUM BUA BUM BUDUM BUM. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRUH.

Are you getting mad?

Are you getting mad?

DAMN You getting mad now! Cuz yo Legal name is Ledenhouser Strogenberg. Nah don't be Smiling now boy You ain't slick Boy! I caught you in the locker room after gym class Frantically wiping yo armpits down With a kleenex While tryna smell good For the girls In the hallway. OI ZOINKS! I GOTTA- I GOTTA HURRY UP. SHUT YO ASS UP YOU LIKE A DIABETIC TOASTER STRUDEL. YOU UGLY AHH AS HELL. YOU GOT THEM BIG ASS HUMPTY DUMPTY PANTS ON BRUH. YOU USE A FRUIT ROLL UP AS A BELT TO HOLD UP YO BUNG DU BUNGLA. Shut yo ugly Ass up You got Mineral deposits In your Belly button. You dumb As hell You thought Google drive Was a brand new Taxi service. Bitch yo Grandma Threw a Rage spell On the kitchen floor And started Smacking you with A weiner schnitzel. Shut yo ass up You a Diabolical Special needs Student. Boy you was In the back of a Short bus Maniacally Planning How you was gonna Take over Your school.HMMMMM YEAHHHHHHHHHH It will be MINE! Shut yo Ass up, Boy I caught you Butt Naked Playing gorilla tag With a mouse in your Kitchen. Yo ass Be sliding around The counters Like a paraplegic Frozone. Gotta Catch 'em ALL! Shut yo ass up With yo "I got a feeling Ooooooooo!" Everytime yo Grandpa Tickles yo Butthole. Shut yo Stupid ass up You thought the One chip challenge Was sticking a Hot cheeto Up your buttcrack. Ok! Here we go Everybody! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Shut yo Dirty ass up Get yo ass on bruh.

It's actually so fucking sad these people still exist in 2024.

Istg misogynists and forced birth extremists and rapists are the most atrociously ugliest love-lacking idiots.

Image ref:

I rest my fucking case, your honor. Kill every single one of these people before I do it myself.

[wiiwheel]

Enquiring minds (@rubycubix-alt & some anons) have requested my at home workout routine.. I do this 2/3 times a week usually but hit it whenever u can. Its basically just shit from youtube;

Remember to warm up and stretch!!

Arms / chest / back:

I started using 5kg dumbells (db), then 8kg, now I'm using 13kg. Just use what you can, and if its too much, just do the movement without holding anything u will still be stretching and working ur muscles. Got no dbs? Use a can of soup or a bag of rice, whatever works. On days I have fatigue I'll go down a weight or two no shame about it.

2 / 3 sets depending on vibes:

10 x db curls, 10 x laterals, 10 x underarm press, 10 x db drag curls, 10 x Hammer curls for each arm, 10 x overhead extension each arm, 10 x tricep presses, 10 x zerker curls, 10 x upright rows, 10 x peak contractions, 10 x Arnold press, 20 x db rotations.

Just go go go, no set resting period, but DO rest whenever you feel like you need to!

Core:

I fucking hate working out my core so I literally need to make it mindful and short as possible. I literally just follow Yoga With Adriennes 6 min ab workout:

She has since done others but I like this cuz it's only like 6 minutes and honestly I only want a strong core, not anything defined. Sometimes I do it twice if I feel up to it.

Legs / Ass:

I already have good strong legs cuz I walk everywhere. But I do follow youtube vids for ass exercise and it usually catches my legs too. I like this guy:

It's very short so I usually do it twice. If I don't wanna follow a video I usually just do butt bridge, squats, donkey / fire hydrant kicks, & thrusts until my ass sore

I usually pick one area each time I work out but sometimes I wanna do my whole bod.

Remember to cool down and be drinking woter throughout, sipping slowly not downing it! And once you're done take pics of your sweaty pits for your horny tumblr followers of course. 🕊 ❤️ ✌️

[kaasknot]

Heyo! Hope you’re having a good weekend!

I saw this today and wonder if you have a take on it?

https://www.laineygossip.com/rami-malek-to-star-as-buster-keaton-new-drama-series-seems-like-job-for-johnny-knoxville/73389

i've seen so many takes flash through the buster keaton fandom in the past 48 hours, lol. as for this article, i mostly agree with the author's objections to rami malek. he doesn't especially look like buster, but eh, he's got similarly ginormous buggy eyes, which imo is more important than <checks writing on facebook> nose, jawline, or height. also he's a good actor and good with accents, so at face value he's no worse than donald o'connor in 1957's "the buster keaton story."

the thing that took my fucking breath away, though, was this sentence: "Over the last twenty years, no one has done more in cinema to keep the spirit of Buster Keaton alive than Knoxville and the Jackass crew." i am SORRY??? this author thinks fucking jackass is the true spirit of buster keaton???

rant incoming.

i don't particularly like comedy as a genre. it relies too much on idiotic situations, juvenile humor, or humiliation. i've never watched an episode of "jackass," but from what i've heard, it leans hard on the last two. i cannot stress this enough: buster's sense of humor bears almost NOTHING in common with johnny knoxville's, aside from stuntwork.

i hate humiliation-based comedy beyond words. i hate it. i got bullied severely as a kid, and candid camera-type shit where some quote-unquote "comedian" comes along and torments another person for laughs reads to me as pure bullying. when buster cameoed on "candid camera" in 1962, the joke was always on him. he would go into a restaurant and suffer mishap after mishap, to the point that the other patrons would try to help him. the best modern comparison is that tiktok of the guy faking phone confessions so he can capture the eavesdropper's reactions. it's the kindest form of bystander humor i can think of, and a far cry from "jackass."

i have a low tolerance for that kind of comedy too, tbh. it's better than making someone else the butt of the joke, but it's so hard to get the balance right, and more often than not it makes me want to curl up and die of secondhand embarrassment. but i never get that feeling in buster's films. sure, he goes through embarrassing situations, but it never hurts. there's a gentleness and deft touch that keeps it from being sadomasochistic. and i think this is something people don't really understand about his style of comedy: yes, it was physical, and yes, it was slapstick, but it was also surprisingly cerebral. he wasn't just a manchild yelling and throwing pies around; it could be very subtle stuff. and, god, he would have fucking died before he did something like nailing his balls to his thigh or snorting wasabi till he puked. just trying to imagine him doing that is—it's like trying to open a lock with an orange peel. it's not only laughable, it's absurd to try. buster's humor wasn't based in shock value. it was based in logic, wry commentary on humanity, and yes, eye-popping stunts that he walked away from—unharmed.

it's straight up comparing an arabian to a donkey. i mean sure, they're both horse-shaped, right?

back to the article, the author's correct that stuntwork is vital to any buster keaton biopic, and i do have reservations about rami's casting on that front. buster learned how to tumble at the age of three, and he practiced it continuously for the next 67 years. unless rami has a background in dance, gymnastics, or stuntwork... i'm not sure he'll be able to train up the kind of muscle memory he'll need before filming.

but i'm also willing to extend the benefit of the doubt. i heard a rumor that he's also a producer on the series; to me, that indicates he's invested. he wants it to be good.

brace for the worst, hope for the best. that's what i'm doing.

[youjustwaitsunshine]

I kinda wanna know what girl u ok is but I know it’s gonna be some fucked up or angst shit soooo uh I’d rather know somewhere between heaven and hell?

girl u ok isnt much fucked up, it's just 2020 seb, written while incredibly angry

tiny snippet:

So he decides he's gonna fight.

It lasts about three, four races into the season. Seb isn't sure how much more of himself he can give until he's just a hollow shell in a red suit.

--

somewhere between Heaven and Hell is the superhero au ive been annoying the gc with for the last year or so that's not actually sebson even though it looks like from this snippet

snippet (only happy because it's a flashback oop):

Threading his fingers through the incredibly soft feathers of Seb's wings, Jenson answers.

"Well you know, you do have wings, golden curls and a great butt. They surely didn't make you be the donkey at the nativity play."

Seb laughs, wings flapping gently along.

"Did you have to be the donkey, Jenson?"

Jenson's sour expression is answer enough.

-

send fic asks!

[hagfishgirlslime]

Incredibly fucked up that donkey kongs singing va in that shit butt cartoon genuinely has a really really nice singing voice. He couldve topped the charts. He couldve hit the big leagues

[umsoheyaurora]

In U-Dub-hope-my-pizza-is-not-spitItaly-habitabantly-esshplielieamas llamas

Are you just dicking around truing to see what the fuck im going to say next because uou are pre-cognitioning it???

You are seeing the potenitalities and pastabilities of the multiversenessseseseseseseseeesesessssszzzzzzZzz not Nazi shit

Haha u kno i can hear u right? Right?

Any slutty butt fuck sluts wanna go nutz and try and take my wedding ring off my wedding ring finger with her asshole ???

Its an open challenge…i have the ring on here on my right hand see???? Well now left as younsee and i hear that unsee and hear…and guys…u know they see ur dickless wonderousness or lack therof when you pee but u can pacify her with ur pacifier micropenis…cuz well no one told me magic is real….yes cuddlefish/jellousyfish operators addicted to…trchnology in lieu of actual lnowledge or ability or intelligence…

Anywhooo

Yes so open challenge on the whole anal stink finger taking off my chesting giesha japanese not-american whore slutwife that traveled through timebto fuck and suck all the jiggas around….i bet she isnoregnant with my friends ‘gay’ japanese partner ( asians are inherently a bit more androgenous ehich i have no qualms with and God or Kamisama or …other gods and goddeses of old are Dead….or dormant….the OG one true GangDaddymack’illmakyaJumpJump

GOD Was Binary Trans and stuck hisntounge up his own ass and then followed with his God see (Goatse!!!!!1!!!1! ;) -head and as They did so and killed Themselves giving rise to the Holy and Unholy (Cunt an rmpty Cum vessel. Men are the sword (pinky dinks to Donkey Schlongs) and source of all the cummies….love and magic and this telepathologic network i am broadcasting on is…..not to be used for Evil and God doesnt care if you fuck….x, y, or z….how could They??? They tongued their so ass so hard it created both Everythingness and Nothingness (beyond the Holy He-She-It …the Holy Sheet which has a masculine bias but is notnlimted to cock/ testosterone biased Individuals as testosterone and oestrogenowners ownly)…..

[adamaskwhy]

A butt-load is an actual unit of measurement, meaning 126 gallons of liquid (usually wine). A butt-load and a shit-ton (or tonne, if you're British) are pretty much synonymous (and technically, a shit-ton is 1/10th of a fuck-ton, or 24 metric ass-loads. One ass-load is equal to how much one can load onto a donkey, btw), Now, to get to the point of all this, when you use shit-ton in lieu of butt-load, the connotation of your prose will carry much more weight in a discussion..... (at Adam's Art & Bonsai Studio Nursery) https://www.instagram.com/p/Chazk4tpnJJ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[passiveagressiveintrovert]

I want to cry rn. Just lost so much work on my final animation assignment for uni, so many frames I have to redraw. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck its due in a week and I lost so much. fml

[gaysimpsstuff]

BNHA Characters + Their Biggest Kinks

PT 2 Here

PT 3 Here

Genre: smut, obviously

Warnings: NSFW themes, hard kinks, BDSM kinks, lots and lots and weird kinks

Other: felt horny, wrote this

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy

Characters: Hawks, Bakugou, Dabi, Shigaraki

Keigo Takami/ Hawks-

Authority Kink- mans has spent his entire life being bossed around, he needs you to submit to him completely and without question. Call him ‘sir’ and he’ll melt. When he’s in this mood, there’s no room for brattyness. Just bend over and let sir take his stress out on you.

Wing Kink- Pretty self-explanatory. The underside of a bird’s wings are very sensitive, and get them horny in no time. Same thing with his back, one when you were cuddling, you were playing with his wings and massaging his back, and you noticed he had his face hidden and he was breathing kind of heavily. It was an embarrassing situation to explain...

Breeding- This one comes more into play during Nesting Season, he just has you pinned down and just keeps going and going and going, trying to fill you up with his babies even if you want get pregnant. You’ll always be his little breeding slut. Even better if you have a bird or lizard quirk and you lay eggs (infertile usually). Even with a male reader he’d want to ‘breed.’

Pegging- He likes to bottom sometimes, so that he can whine and cry and beg and be a good boy for his y/n. Expect him to come home from work feeling more tired than stressed. Total pillow princess. He needs you to fuck him into the mattress so hard that he’s only flying tomorrow.

Praise/body Worship- This goes both ways. You’re his everything, and he wants to make sure you’re aware of how much he appreciates you, but he’s so insecurities that he needs it in return. Soft, teasing touches, whispered I love yous, doing so wells, my pretty baby, go a long way for this man.

Dirty Talk- he wants you to know just what he’s going to do to you, how he’s going to fill you up so good, make you need him and his cock, make you cry for him to keep going, beg for his cum. Even when he’s on bottom, he’s babbling and whining. You can’t get this man to shut the fuck up. It can get annoying at times.

Bath/shower sex- this plays more into his bird instincts. Bathing/ cleaning oneself usually gets birds horny. They usually preen prior to mating season so look out for that. There’s just something about ducking you in his bathtub (jacuzzi) that gets him going like nothing else.

Katsuki Bakugou/ Dynamight-

Switch- this man will present as a top, but he has absolutely nothing against getting manhandled and having the life fucked out of him. Just so long as he can do the same to you. Fuck him rough and good and then take his revenge tomorrow.

Rigger- after all he’s been through, he does not wanna be tied up at all. But he has no problem with handcuffing you or wrapping your pretty body up in Shibari and watching you struggle against them. Will totally tease you the whole time.

Gags- You’re still talking? You need to shut the fuck up. Or else you’ve got something keeping your mouth shut. Tape, underwear in mouth, his hand or fingers, or an actual gag. Loves your muffled sounds when he asks you a question. “Want me to keep going? You gotta say so. Aw I didn’t hear anything so I guess you want me to stop...”

Dirty Talk- Just like Hawks, he can’t keep his mouth shut. But this one is spilling the dirtiest filth you’ll ever hear. Plays into a minor corruption kink. Wants you to repeat it all back to him. On the flip side, gets so flustered when you talk dirty to him. Whining about how you’re a pervert, but just ignore him, he’s hard as shit right now.

Dacryphilia- All those years of Deku crying and you think he wouldn’t have a crying kink? Thinks your tears are so beautiful, might even lick them off your face. “Aww, look at you~ crying for my fuckin cock.” Don’t be weirded out if he licks them off your face. He also cries during sex, though. It’s just too fucking good and he hasn’t had a good cry in a while. Tease him about it and he’ll hide his face, but praise him for it and he’ll cry even harder.

Praise- This man shouts enough degradations outside the bedroom, he wants sex to be different from everything else. Gets a little embarrassed first time he praises you, but if you look at him with those shy eyes and a quivering lip, he’s just gonna keep loading it on. He also wants to be praised, both out of insecurities and superiority. When he’s bottoming just repeat how amazing he’s doing, how no one else is as pretty as him. When he’s on top, he still needs you to be praising him. Tell him how good his cock feels, how he’s gonna make you cum, how no one else fucks you as good as him.

Impact Play- mostly spanking. Uses his quirk. He loves it when your skin forms a light burn in the shape of his hand. Spanks you even if his handprints don’t show up on your skin. He needs it to, just keep smacking his stomach and thighs with a paddle until he’s sobbing.

Touya Todoroki/ Dabi-

Degradation/ Brat Taming- Starting off with the roughness with this guy. These two go hand in hand for Dabi, you need to know where you belong. Underneath him, begging and crying for his cock, his mercy, anything. You need to understand your only purpose is to service him, moan for him, and be his little personal cumdump.

Hard Dom- he won’t go easy on you, no matter what, you’re not getting it sweet or easy. It’s always going to be rough, fast, and difficult. Just try and complain.

Size kink- We all know this man is hung like a donkey, too big to handle. Loves it when you’re trying to suck him off and can’t even get down halfway. Even better when he’s pushing in, and can’t get further than six inches in. Just laughs at how “your cute little hole can’t take my fat cock can it, baby?”

Sadism- Pretty obvious, he likes hurting you. Knives? He’s got plenty. Fire? More relunctant but sure. Impact play? Yes sir. Loves seeing you cry and you babble about how much it hurts. His favorite thing is to write his name on your back with light burns that usually fade in a week or so. Always takes care of your injuries afterwords.

Bondage- Can’t have his little baby trying to touch themself can he? Can’t have his darling trying to escape from him, can he? No no, you’re better off tied to the bed, taking everything he gives you like a good little slut.

Sensory Deprivation- He wants you waiting, dreading maybe, anticipating, his next moves. You don’t know where he’ll touch you, what he’s saying, and you can’t do anything to stop it.

Corruption- He has a thing for people who seem innocent, and he wants to corrupt that innocence. To everyone else, you’re naive, doe-eyed, and probably can’t do anything for yourself. He’s going to change all of that. Bonus points if you’re actually fully capable and he morphs into a co-dependant mess. This man is all Yandere nothing else.

Teasing/ edging- Loves working you up to the grand finale, then pushing you back to the first scene. You’ll never forget his laughter as you beg him for your orgasms. You’ll be lucky if he lets you cum at all. He’ll humiliate the fuck out of you for your pitiful begging.

Tomura Shigaraki/ Symbol of Terror

Mommy/Daddy/Renny (Renny is the gender neutral term for Mommy/Daddy)- This man will call you whatever you want, but this is his go-to nickname for you. You’re taking care of him in and out of the bedroom, at least until he matures.

Switch- Up until he matures, your on top of him the whole time. Loves it when you’re in control, but after certain events in the manga and anime, he starts to gain an apprentice for being on top, although being so unused to it, he has a lot less kinks for being on top than on bottom.

Pegging- self-explanatory. He was always afraid of disintegrating his dick, and anal stimulation meant most of his fingers were pointed away from his body while only two or three were touching his skin. Safer. Now he’s got a huge appreciation for anal play, anytime you see him naked, he probably has a butt plug in.

Pet-Play- he’s your dumb little puppy, okay? Treat him like a bitchy little animal and he’ll do whatever you want. Feel free and drag him around on a leash or feed him food out of a bowl on the ground.

Feet- he doesn’t know why, but your feet are such a fucking turn on. Whether you’re wearing combat boots with spikes, fancy heels with a flower on them, or normal tennis shoes. Socks, thigh-highs and tights? Man is already begging. Just step on him and give him a foot job already! He’s begging, come on!

Water sports- kind of gross, skip this one if it’s gross for you (it is for me but for some reason I’m writing about it) but it’s something he appreciates more as a top than a bottom. Controlling when you go to the bathroom, giving you so many drinks, watching you squirm, begging and crying for him to let you relieve yourself, only to piss yourself. And when you do that, he’s on his knees in front of you, drinking it. Loves how embarrassed you get. Says “anything you make is always gonna be the best” while licking his lips.

CNC- something he enjoys as a top or a bottom. Skip this one if it’s weird or wrong to you, or a trigger. Always pre-planned with a safe word and everything, but he always pretends it’s real. Something about you or him not having a choice, being forced to take whatever the other gives them, begging for it all to stop but being betrayed by your body, it all just drives him crazy.

S&M- Doesnt care of he’s the S or M. He just loves pain. Crying when you spank or slap him, watching you scream as he cuts his name onto you.

[thetfchangingroom]

I know you’ve changed guys into dicks, but ever change someone into an ass?

(Check out the full, NSFW version of this story HERE!)

You know what… I don’t believe I have!

This is crazy; I’ve been around for a while now and I’ve turned guys into all sorts of shit, but I can’t name a single time I turned one of them into a butt! Which is tragic really because it can be a lot of fun (depending on who’s butt; some guys don’t know how to clean up down there).

But there’s a first for everything, right? Now, who’s ass would you like to be?

Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed that since you asked, you were the one looking to be transformed. Was this just meant to be a hypothetical question? A curious query? Well, let me walk you through some potential candidates so you can “ass”-ess your options. Perhaps I can change your mind…

First, let’s start with the classics:

Why not be any ordinary, run-of-the-mill ass when you could be America’s Ass? Yes, I am offering you the opportunity to be Captain America’s tush.

As you can imagine, Cap’s ass sees quite a bit of action—and I’m not just talking about fighting bad guys (though I must say he is one limber son of a bitch and that suit breathes like Egyptian cotton. You’re bound to have a great time either way).

No, I’m talking about the action Cap sees off the field. You’re kidding yourself if you don’t think all these ridiculously hot superheroes aren’t fucking each other senseless when they’re not off saving the world. All that pent up stress, all that athletic ability going to waste… the Avengers headquarters is basically one non-stop orgy, and while Cap might dominate the battlefield, his tastes in the bedroom are a little more…

Yeah, you get the idea. As Cap’s ass, you’ll be getting real familiar with Thor’s beard, Natasha’s strap on, and the Hulk’s you-know-what (trust me: it fits). Captain Rodgers won’t be able to suit up without someone’s load leaking out of your pretty pink hole, and get ready to have bright red handprints on your cheeks 24/7. That ass sees a lot of love… tough love.

Butt wait! There’s more! If you think a real life superhero might be a bit too intense for a first time tourasst (yes, I just came up with that) why not one of the guys who plays one?

God went a little overboard when he designed Chris Hemsworth. Big biceps, big pecs, big Disney paychecks and, most importantly, a big fucking ass.

Being Chris Hemsworth’s butt means getting to sit in (or rather, be sat on) for all of his crazy Marvel workout sessions. You know what I’m talking about: those incessant instagram posts of Chris in various states of undress, sweating like a stuck pig, pumping iron as if he’s training for Mr. Olympia while some equally attractive personal trainer screams in his ear.

You’re hard just thinking about it, aren’t you? I sure as hell am.

Now: imagine being Chris’ butt. You can practically taste all that celebrity sweat dripping down your crack, your puckering hole tensing in tandem with each guttural grunt.

Just wait ‘till he starts doing squats. Chris loves those squats. He likes to go pretty low, spreading you out and stretching your muscles until you’re burning white hot.

And when he’s done? Chris likes to spend some quality “me” time in the sauna. Of course, “me” in this case includes you, so if you’ve ever wanted to get up close and personal with Chris while he beats his fat donkey cock, this is about as close as you can get (unless you wanna be his dick, but that’s another conversation).

Who knows? He may even stick a finger or two in you. It wouldn’t be the first time…

So, what do you think so far? Does being a butt sound like a good time? Well just you wait because I think our final candidate has some attractive “ass”-ets.

Meet Sam.

That’s right: I saved the best for last.

Sam’s ass is—for lack of a better word—legendary. This man has spent years and years sculpting those cheeks into two perfect globes of muscle and fat. To say they are his pride and joy would be selling it short. Guys come (and cum) from miles around to get a taste of Sam’s perfect butt… literally. Nary a day goes by when Sam’s hole isn’t filled with a dick, a dildo, or someone’s thirsty tongue.

As such, Sam runs a tight ship down there. His butt is clean and well manicured, which means if you choose to become Sam’s ass, you’ll be treated like a princess (and likely called one too).

And the best part? You’ll get a lot of sun. Sam doesn’t keep his ass hidden under suits or sweaty workout shorts like Cap & Chris. Quite the contrary; Sam seldom finds himself in a situation where his ass isn’t hanging out or on full display. You’ll be getting very familiar with his vast collection of jockstraps, singlets, and thongs.

Needless to say, he can be quite the exhibitionist.

Have you cum to a decision? Are you down for some “butt stuff” or are you gonna pass on this one?

But I already know the answer.

I can see it, flashing in your mind’s eye. I’ve gotten very good at reading people over the years, at sniffing out their deepest desires and giving voice to their unspoken wishes. I know exactly which ass you want to be, you don’t even need to tell me.

After all, it’s not like you could anyway. Your transformation has already begun!

That’s right; there’s no use for talking when your mouth is slowly becoming an asshole, when your lips start to curl into a round, flowery sphincter. You may start feel each of your cheeks inflate like those of a chipmunk, growing and growing until they’ve consumed your entire face. You feel them gently touch each other, forming a crack over your former mouth.

You want to reach up and touch the miraculous changes occurring on your face, but you no longer have any hands to touch with. Your arms are gone. Everything is gone, in fact: your legs, feet, torso, even your own ass is missing.

Because nothing belongs to you any more. You are only a part of him, one of many muscles on a big and busty body.

Ugh, you make such a cute butt, don’t you? Well, I hope you have a great time as Sam’s ass. Who am I kidding: I know you will! There’s already a big muscle stud with a 10-inch cock on his way to dump a load in you as we speak!

Just be sure to let me know once you’ve had your fill of spunk and spit (among other things).

How will you let me know, you ask? Oh don’t worry… I can just tell.

Have fun getting torn a new one!

[dougtfs]

“Bro, you expect me to drink a donkey potion for the costume party?” Dave looked pissed as he held the bottle I bought. “I thought you were gonna get us muscle jock potions.”

“This one does both,” I said. “Donkey and muscles. Drink up.”

“No way,” he said. “I’d rather just go to the party with no costume.”

“At least give it a sniff,” I suggested, and he frowned.

“No, dude, I don’t want to turn into a ...” he sniffed the bottle and his face immediately relaxed.

“Into a what?” I asked.

“Hawwww...” he droned, then clapped a hand over his mouth. “Fuck, did I just fuckin’ bray? Like a donkey?”

“I dunno,” I said. “You were about to drink the potion, though, right?”

“No, I don’t think so,” he said, but he looked confused. He sniffed it again, and his beard thickened. I could see fur growing over his forearms, which were bulking with muscle. “Smells kinda good, though,” he said, sniffing again. His shoulders bulked up, widening. “Aw, shit, it’s working!” he said. “I’m getting huge, bro! Heehawww!”

“Yeah, take your shirt off so I can see,” I said. He put the potion bottle down and pulled off his shirt, and I could see that dark brown fur now covered his body. “You look fuckin’ hot as a donkey jock,” I said.

“As a what? A donkey jock?” He laughed. “I guess I am.” He rubbed his furry chest, now thick and strong. “Hee aww!”

He climbed up on the bed on all fours, wriggling his ass, and then pushed his pants down to show me how furry his butt was. A tasseled tail was starting to grow in.

“Dude,” he said, “you gotta -- haww! -- try this stuff.” Without warning, he flicked the bottle at me, splashing me with a few drops.

Instantly, I felt my ears start to ache, stretching up into furry points. I opened my mouth to protest, but all that came out was “HAWWWW!” I could feel my dick stiffening, growing longer and thicker and harder, and I pulled my pants down to climb up on the bed behind his perfect round ass.

Get more stories of transformation, power, and control: https://amzn.to/2zuzn1M

[andrew-minyards-bitch]

the foxes as the names of the group chats that i’m in,, don’t ask

Allison: shawn mendez gaping butt hole

Renee: church

Nicky: fellowship of the gays

Aaron: fuck mr foster all my homies hate mr foster

Matt: my comfort bitches

Jean: hon hon hon oui oui baguette baguette 🥖

Neil: the way i want to cease to exist right about now

Nicky and Aaron: religious trauma induced kids

Jeremy: i’m actually hanging on by a thread :)

Aaron: homework only ☝️🤨

Kevin: Nick Wilde is hot

Seth: succ my dick

Neil: riko moriyama* is a waste of both sperm and egg cell

Kevin and Aaron: gonna make my pltw teacher proud

Andrew: bout to fraction fraction flip my math teacher

3/4 of the foxes: abusive parents check 🤪

Nicky: Dora the Explora needs to find my will to live

Jeremy and Kevin: Taylor Swift is god

Kevin: the ne pas goes around the conjugated verb ya fucking donkeys

Andrew: i crave chocolate 😭🤚 also i shit on the concept of valentine’s day but someone pls give me chocolate 🥺

Seth: 💵moneyy 🤑 gonna get myself a hot sugar mommy

Dan: that awkward moment when 3/4 of us are atheist and someone changed the gc name to church

Andrew: sir fat cat mccatterson* fan club

Aaron: let’s all thank Aaron* for giving y’all the answers to all y’all’s assignments 🤩

Renee: women who are cute but can also teach u how to cut a mans throat >>

Allison: ik i’m a narcissist bitch with a god complex but yk what? i also crave ur attention

Kevin: my existence alone should have y’all begging on ur knees for me 😒

Jeremy: i won’t hesitate to say yes bc idk how to say no 😁

Seth: b@d0ng@d0nks hug3 m0mmy m1kl3rs yum 😋

Jean: bts was lying when they said life goes on no tf it does not 😭🤚

Andrew: bout to light it up like dynamite

Andrew and Jeremy: who wants to buy me the bts mcdonald’s meal?

Renee: i won’t hesitate to shoot a kid- like ever

Kevin: what about kevin?! what about kevin?!

[angie-serpant]

—My irl friends out of context—

-TAKE YOUR PENIS BOOK AND BAKED LAYS CHIPS AND GET OUT

-Who’s that Pokémon? It’s always the gingers.

-Gingers (derogatory)

-Try for the backside of the donkey

-is it normal to want to platonically fuck your friends

-NASA's still fucking looking for that dick Niki

-I’ve actually just become god

-anyways that william afton guy was doing what he had to do to become immortal and yk what i don’t blame him🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 like sure he killed kids but like he unlocked immortality so🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

-shyummy

-this was payback for my Marcus Lopez rambles

-THATZ ILLEALY

-CHRIST???

-Does anyone else’s sneezes sound like explosions

-william afton is way too old. mans could sneeze and turn to dust. who’s letting peepaw run around killing people.

-Good for fucking you

-Wulti level warketing

-Demigirl? More like Demigod

-Emma you are a walking tiktok section

-The penis in the butt

-I’m educating you on kinks

-It’s okie you guys have socks

-He just randomly starts throwing people

-I wanna make out with some zombies

-I missed the ✨hole✨

-I’m not thinking I just don’t wanna do it

-My brother just walked in the door and called me a turd what in the Disney Channel Original Movie

-the yassifying of me, a 3 part series

-Mkay so should they talk more before that happens or just get straight into the chaos like a YouTube intro?

-G̶̬͌̈́́̄͝͠e̴̡͙͎̙̦̻̲͈͓̹̍͑̈̎̽̐̕͘ͅȯ̷̗͉̭̤̘͇̦̗̀̈́̌̏͑͝͝d̸̙͈̓̌͂̉̀́̈́͝��̧̧̬̣͚͇̖͔̲̲̳e̶̹͈͒̄

-ITS A SUSSY CHICKEN NUGGET

-I’m fucking one of our tables many holes

-STOP MAKING UNDERWEAR SEXUAL

-You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life.

-reaperussy

-Look at his cute little butthole

-I saw gay I’m happy

-What the FUCK milk man!?

-I like big titties

-Who’s ginger is this? Somebody come get their ginger child!

-Cumtext

-We’ve adopted the ginger, say hello

-Thankedr

-Emma I’ve wanted to fuck to grim reaper too

-It’s like a magnifying glass but smarter

-HELLO POLICE IVE WITNESSED A MAKEOUT SESSION

-Ah yes, the color of horn-e

-You can touch my ass if you want

-Being gay IS fantastic!

-Why do we have those stupid ankles!? They’re useless!!!

-We have different temperatured fingers

-You’re not a very roomable person

-shush you’re a secret undercover ginger

-Wait what’s the ferrets gender?

-All hail the stinky noodles

-Foot emoji

-I LOVE TRUCKS AND BEER AND GUNS AND ALCOHOL AND WOMEN TIME TO SHOVE A FIREWORK UP MY ASS FIR FOURTH OF JULY

-I was scrolling through Tiktok and I did not expect to see a shirtless Bruno but here I am, utterly shocked, and needing soap for my eyes

-GUCK

-SIFRY

-The chess hierarchy

-I used to date my father

-New suicide method; shoving a firework up my ass

-*gasp* WHAT THE FRICK FRACK TIC TAC SNICK SNACK CARDIAC QUARTERBACK DUDE NAMED JACK BIG MAC LICK LACK BIG BACK DID YOU JUST SAY???1?1?1?1???1??1

-Either baby or menace to society

-I have committed vehicular manslaughter once

-their head? gone. their eyes? scooped. their hair? ripped out. their mom? fucked by me. their limbs? separated from their body. their soul? sent to hell. their neck? broken.

-only reason i’m not is because it’s cold and my dad would question me

-demigod more like i am god

-Fuck now im thinking of dirty shit

-should i write the most heart wrenching saddest thing ever and send it to a friend who did nothing wrong i’m just a writer with evil sad writing? The correct answer is yes brb

-how many sins can one commit in a family friendly game the answer is all 7.

-The lord cant help you here, this is horny jail

-snuck out. went out into the freezing cold. played in the snow rolling around yk like normal. men were staring at me. tried to call people. no one was awake so i did what any sane person does. flipped them off and continued playing in the snow occasionally showing i had a weapon on me and went inside when my hands were numb.

-I’m so cold my metaphoric dick could fall off

-Stop being Scottish

-……Would I fuck that?

-michigan was actually kind of a bitch

-I’m the sewer rat of the table monarchy

-Spit on the skeleton man

-Guys I just accidentally called a demon mama

-it was really quiet too and i just went “dick!”

-Well I would assume from the womb

-Don’t tell the Christians I said that

-I don’t think ghosts have genitalia

-fuckerino but okie

-Cleansed but casually

-The bar is low and they’re limbo dancing with Satan

-You are no longer the Virgin Mary

-White people scare me

-I think my dog hates white people

-Is that a picture of two robot toys having sex????

-Do not do anything related to genitalia

-water so cold my metaphysical dick had disappeared

-hath thou mother lie in bed with i? yeseth. yeseth she hath.

-fuck the celestial nap

-Holy shit godsona

-Penis

-Texas chainsaw yassacre

-Would getting your eye holes fingered feel good if you didn’t have eyese

-pussy poppingly good

-Why does he look so hot when he’s bloody?

-Fucking boogie woogies

-“i am vengeance” yeah ok i’m horny. next story.

-My underwear smells like orgasms

-cöckenbållen

-You just kneed my vagina

-You put the pp in the arse

-I’m almost done with that drawing of the pregnant lady

-Nah I’m gonna go listen to sad music and cry over dog shit some more

-I just imagined your father having sex *wails*

-I’m not touching your penis water bottle

-you pray to god in your hair routine?

-quench it deep

-I DO NOT HAVE A ROBOT FETISH

-i’m fucking one of our tables many WET holes

-Nah bitch is my love language

-I think it was the penis

-The angels are looking down on us in disappointment

-müsic mæn

-You are a gremlin you stole the wand of an all powerful wizard

-I can do the worm but I’m too embarrassed to

-My bed is in the sky now

-I think I stepped in old cum

-Ah yes, Oinherest and Ponterist, my favorite medias of the social

-That’s still repeating it dumbãss

-A sexy inchworm

-I know what skin feels like

-I promise I won’t moan again

-I DID NOT ASK ABOUT CAR GENITALIA!!!

-What if we’re all just sperm swimming in gods balls

-Keep your crouch away from my fucking ass

-I FEEL VERY GENDER

-i have rubbed off the gender

-Happy awakening hour

-i want death in the form of sex so that i can die an unvirgin

-As a person with a dick

-“Sexy” mmmmm dishwater😍😍🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🤤

-I have a serotonin inducing concept

-Would you rather eat oven baked rotten potatoes or ask Jesus why he has no bitches

-That’s the last time- OW-

-I want it! BALLS!

-You have very disproportionate balls Killian

-Why are we talking about dick hair

-I want abs, I have a squishy girl body

-you should play the sexaginta-quattuordle

-I think a ghost just tried to fuck me

-titty stress balls

-i live paralyzing fear that im going to hit a grandmother with a car

-guys killian is thinking about tactical advantages to shoot me

-killian gets turned on by among us

-Oh it’s on the floor I’m gonna kill myself

-i would fuck myself- YOU ARENT ATTRACTED TO YOURSELF YOU ARE JUST SELF CONFIDENT

-oh no i forgot how to human

-I’m going to combust into a column of flame

-Imagination goes crazy when it’s 12.30 in the morning and you’re 📯🦵 it just goes to 100% percent

-I’m thinking about your mom

-i need someone to just take my spine out and play with it like a fucking cowboy rope

-That’s awkward❤️

-i’d rather solve one of the seven greatest wonders then solve my mental issues

-I feel my thigh bones expanding

-Oh my god kill. YES

-i’m a pussy, a bitch if you may, a coward as the youngins say, a weakling also

-dying is fatherless behavior

-minty bread

-It’s cuz your torso’s longer then mine

-THIS IS CRANBERRY ABUSE

-Oh I do Desire for that😙

-like ok oui oui baguette go fuck yourself