#simply because of the small actions and body language changes and also speech and conversation

[thelazuliknight]

So one thing I realized is I think that it really should have gotten nearly impossible for Katherine to pretend to be Elena, because I think Caroline or Bonnie would cerise very clear system how to check who is who by dialogue, I think also they would notice the small stuff a lot quicker. Like I think the Scooby gang and allies would get very scrutinizing in how they analyze Elena, and then eventually subconsciously just be able to tell. Because no matter how good at acting Katherine might be, there is going to be some things she can’t imitate.

I think Jeremy should be the defunct best one at telling. Then Bonnie and Caroline (tied first place) simply because how well they know each other.

And even though I prefer Elena’s hair when darker, it’s very Elena, I do think it makes for her to make it colored, because that makes it harder for her to be imitated. But I also get not wanting to make it a confusing situation for the citizens of Mystic Falls if her hair was suddenly changing all the time when she’s in high school.

Also I think about Elena not being able to wear certain styles of makeup and such because she hates looking in the mirror and seeing Katherine. Which is why I think her wardrobe season 5 becomes more feminine than her old wardrobe. She starts wearing more dresses, vibrant colors. Granted this started when she turned humanity off, and that means post house burning, and I wouldn’t surprised if Caroline just gave up some clothes to Elena, and then Elena just bought more stuff in NYC during her “makeover” to be different of her old self. But more than that, subconsciously even then, I think she wanted to look as different as Katherine as she could, while still being stylish.

(Though I do head canon also that sometimes they pretend they are being fooled just to see what Katherine is up to or to see how she’d pretend to be Elena in a situation. )

[generalfoolish]

Sherrstoy

Sherrstoy: Lust for life

Rating: 18+ (minors take a hike)

Warnings: language, confrontations, confessions, jealous!Din, soft!Din, S1 and S2 spoilers (kind of)

Word count: ~1.7K

Pairing: (eventually!!!) Din Djarin x F!reader

Summary: Two Mandalorians and a Sheriff walk into a bar...

A/N: Hey babes! This is part of the #mandomay2021 prompt list. I have officially lost count, because I am off, I think? Oh, also, in this house Cara Dune is not affiliated with g*na. She's not a POS, and very much an ally. Anyway: Enjoy 💕

Masterlist | Yaim | Atin

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

You watched with a grimace as Cara tipped back another glass. You had lost count of how many drinks the ex-Shock Trooper had downed, and you were in awe that she still seemed coherent. After a brief moment of hesitation at the start of the evening, you had slid your helmet off and decided to match her drink for drink.

When you were afraid you’d lost your eyesight, you cut yourself off, and could only watch with trepidation as she kept going. You sipped your water, wondering if Din ever let his guard down like this, but almost snorted in response to your own thoughts. Of course, he didn’t. He was the most guarded person you’d ever met.

“That’s when the AT-ST stepped in the hole, and we came up out of that vaping krill water. It smelled about as good as you’d expect. Ole buckethead there would’ve done anything for Omera though.” Cara finished with a laugh, and drained her cup. She motioned for the waitress to come back around, and hadn’t noticed your mood change.

Who was Omera? The insidious voice you’d all but managed to quell squeaked from your depths.

If you hadn’t sobered up a bit, you wouldn’t have noticed Din stiffen beside you.

“Well, I think you fared pretty well from our Sorgan dealings.” Din told Cara in a gruff voice. She laughed.

“Before or after you tried to get us all killed by Moff Gideon? Twice?” She was pointing at him, but had a mischievous twinkle in her eye. For all her blustering, you could tell she was fond of Din. She even seemed fond of his adoptive son, asking all about the trip to Dagobah.

“Not my first choice, Dune.” He retorted quietly. You simply tried to follow their conversation. You didn’t know half the people, or places, they discussed. You didn’t know much about Din, you were beginning to realize.

Cara waved him off, and accepted her next cup.

“You wouldn’t believe the mess we had to clean up here,” She began, turning her attention back to you. “This town was trashed. We’re still  cleaning up now! That’s not even the worst of it. Thought we’d all die on that Star Destroyer, gunned down by those Dark Troopers, or worse, the laser sword. Couldn’t get out of there fast enough.” Cara told you conspiratorially.

“I can’t imagine Luke in action.” You muttered, wondering what his jetii’kad looked like in action. You felt Din tense again, and wondered why.

“He was a whirl of green. He sliced through those bots like bantha butter.”

“It seems Jedi are quite skilled.” Din interjected, and you noted the bitter tone.

“That’s right, you mentioned having met another. What were they like?” You asked, trying to discern his mood. He only grunted in response. Cara waggled her eyebrows and asked for two more drinks, before you could reject it. She slid you the cup, and you tipped it back. The rushing liquid leaving a harsh burning in your throat, and a new warmth in your belly.

“I think it’s time to pack up.” Din told Cara, and she sighed deeply.

“You never come out anymore, Mando.”

“I’ve never come out before.” He deadpanned.

“We’ll always have Sorgan.” She told him wistfully.

“You drank enough for the whole village, then.” He told her, harshly. She only laughed.

“May the Force be with you.” She said with a hint of laughter, and Din left quickly. You followed, tossing a small wave over your shoulder.

~~~

“That was irresponsible.” Din muttered through a clenched jaw. You shrugged, dropping your helmet.. The rest of the armor followed. He pulled his helmet off, and you could see his twitching eye.

“Oh calm down. No one was going to try anything. Dune has whipped this town into shape.” You told him, sitting down heavily on a crate. The cargo hold seemed to be spinning.

“Regardless.” His lips remained tight, and his jaw was trembling from the tension. So, he was pissed pissed. You waved him off, knowing it would likely make him madder. A low growl was his only response.

“I don’t see what the problem is, Din.” You said with a heavy sigh. The room was spinning less, but you knew you’d be in for it in the morning. The dull ache of a headache was already starting to form. When he hadn’t answered, you looked up to him. He was seething. “What? What was so bad?” You asked again, almost incredulous.

“What was that about?” He asked, and you didn’t miss his hands clenching and unclenching from fists by his side.

“What was what about?” You asked again. Your exasperation was sobering you quickly.

“Luke.” The name fell snarled from his lips, like it was ripped from him. You knit your eyebrows together.

“Luke Skywalker?” You echoed, throat dry from the drinking. Din didn’t explain any further. “You’re going to have to say something. I have no idea what Luke has to do with this...” You gestured to him, and you could feel the anger rolling off of him.

You felt the air change before you noticed why. The air felt less hazardous, and more anxious. You raked your eyes over his face in search of answers. You weren’t met with blind rage, as you were before. This time it was panic. This time you recognized the bitter feeling.

“Are you jealous, Din?” He seemed to sag under the weight of the confession, pain settling into his dark eyes. The red light of the hold flushed over you, and you wished you could see him without the harsh lights. You stood from the crate and walked to him. He tensed under your scrutiny, and again, when you laid a hand on his arm.

“How could you possibly be jealous? Half that conversation was about your ex.” You scolded, playfully, trying to lift the mood. It didn’t. Something else bubbled into the tension.

“What?” His voice was soft, but his tone was harsh.

“Omera? Your ex, I thought.” You answered with a shrug, not trying to seem too bothered. You’d had partners before. Clumsy and inexperienced,  but lovers all the same. He exhaled sharply.

“She wasn’t anything.” He told you, but you could feel something else under the words. A half-truth, a placation he’d told himself, maybe.

“Liar.” You whispered back to him, and he inhaled deeply.

“She could have been everything, but she wasn’t anything.” The words should have been a comfort, but Din was looking through you, as if you weren’t there. You jerked your hand away from his arm. You couldn’t hide the hurt on your face.

“Well, I promise nothing like that is going on with Luke.” You managed, hoping the venom in your tone was enough to sting him. It was. He winced, and reached for you. In one last petty act, you moved out of his reach, and you watched his face fall as his arm returned to his side.

“You misunderstand. For so long, I was just jumping from job to job. Trying to make credits for the foundlings. Trying to make a suit of armor. I was...someone else. I found the kid, and there are some hard truths about myself that I learned the hard way. Sorgan was the first time I allowed myself to sit still. I did it for selfish reasons, but I saw another life there. A better life, for the kid. I made the choice for myself, before we had to leave, like Cara mentioned. Omera wanted me to stay. She asked me to put this part of myself away. It was this life that I had never imagined for myself. It was so domestic, mesh’la. It was tempting. But, I turned her down. My sherrstoy was too large for the small village. Getting fat on krill and spotchka in a backwater skughole, that’s not me. Even before the kid. Especially after the kid. I’m glad I’m not being hunted, but I don’t want to…” He paused, searching for the right words.

“Miss the galaxy?” You added, feeling your chest tighten as he nodded. You had been grappling with those same feelings for some time. You wondered constantly if you should have just stayed on Jelucan. You felt every word of his speech reverberating through your body. Every hesitation of his lit you on fire. Domesticity had been bled from him, as it had from you. As much as you wanted to give up, settle down somewhere, and feel a soft breeze across your face, you knew that there was a part of you that would never be content to do so. It was the manda driving you forward, putting one boot in front of the other, pushing you further than you thought you would go.

You mulled with his word choice, a sherrstoy, a lust for life. It was perfect. It was an answer, but it was also a question.

“I don’t want to miss it either, Din.” You told him gently. “I don’t think about anyone the way I think about you. You’re something else entirely. I wouldn’t let you leave, but I wouldn’t make you stay.” You rested your hand on his cheek, and he pushed into your hand.

You wanted to remember him like this. Pupils blown out, staring at you like you were made of stars and if he reached out to touch you, you’d disappear. His scruff tickled your fingers, and his messy hair framed his awe-stricken face. You didn’t need a map to read his heart, it was written there on his face. He’d chase you, if you ever left.

It was hard to give yourself like this. It was hard to slow your racing heart. Neither of you knew what you were doing, that much was clear. It was messing with your head, the way you had interlaced so easily with him. It hadn’t been long, a few weeks, but you’d fallen hard for the man before you.

You reached up, up on tip-toe, to place a gentle kiss on his lips. He snaked his arms around your waist and hungrily deepened the kiss.

[soulofatiny]

No Fear, I’m Here... Ch.2: Fellaz

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genre: enemies to lovers, assassin, & mafia!au

word count: 3.7k

warning: none yet but it is an assassin au...

a|n: ***IMPORTANT PLEASE READ*** For those who have read Ch.1, I’ve made some minor changes. Previously, y/n’s affiliation was YG and the ceo of YG. However, I recently caught up with all the news surrounding the company at the moment, and I do not feel comfortable using his name. Therefore, “YG Banks” will be changed to “ZG” and the Boss’ name “Yang” will be changed to “Zang”. I apologize for this odd change but I just felt it was necessary. Thank you and happy reading!

Ch.3

masterlist

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“Nana! Listen to me! You killed me here on October 24, 2011. You. Killed. Me. You have taken my life and you will take others’ lives and feel no remorse doing it. You don’t feel any emotions and you will not feel any emotions except fear. Fear for your life. You will always and forever fear that someone is out there to take your life instead.”

You jolt awake hyperventilating. Cold sweat soaking the strands of your hair and goosebumps marking your body. You felt bile creeping up your throat and ran to the bathroom for its release. “So much for resting before a job…” This wasn’t anything necessarily new in your life. You’ve had the exact same dream numerous times in the past, never knowing what it meant. All you could see in your dream was always a body covered in blood, the face blurred out and the same voice that keeps telling you the same thing every time…

“You killed me.”

You most likely did.

“Fear for your life.”

You are.

You never knew when exactly you’ll have that dream so it was always either a hit or a miss of a dreamless night whenever you slept. Today, however, was definitely a miss. Actually, it’s been a miss the past couple of weeks and it’s getting to the point where you stay up to avoid that dream... It was definitely a bad idea to try to get some rest before a job...but you were getting desperate.

You groaned looking at the clock that read 7:00 p.m. “How fitting,” you thought. Nana is your codename, translating from the Japanese number, 7. It was assigned to you when you first arrived at ZG, being the 7th to arrive and used a fake name, [y/n] whenever it required you to give a name outside of the organization. Much like what you had to do for Yeosang.

7:03 p.m...You still had some time before you head to Fellaz, so you decided to take a shower. Whether if it’s to cleanse the cold sweat clinging to your body or the limited memories that haunted you, you didn’t know. You just needed to feel some sort of relief either way and not think about what’s going to happen in the next couple of hours. Stripping off your clothing, you stepped into the shower. Immediately feeling your tense shoulders ease upon the contact of the warm water and your mind began to wander back to when you first joined the organization.

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“The 7th one is supposed to arrive today. She finished her phase one training and should be ready for phase two. Eight through ten will be arriving the next day after her.”

“How about one through six?”

“They’re all displaying positive results. After seven through ten adjusts, I believe we’ll be able to go into phase three within the next 3 years.”

ZG nodded, “Then we’ll hold the initiation officially on October 24, 2011. No delays. Do not disappoint me, Mino.” And with that, Mino followed escorted his boss to his chauffeur waiting for him outside. Mino was in charge of running the phase two-training smoothly to ensure that everything will go according to the boss’ initiation program. He bowed deeply as the chauffeur drove his boss away from the facility. As Mino walked back inside, one of the workers notified him of your arrival. “Finally…”

You were told that you’ve graduated from phase one, where trainees were educated until they surpass the advanced level in all subjects of math, language, geography, analytical thinking while simultaneously receiving physical training that consisted various martial arts/combat styles, artillery, and blade training. There were many that started from birth, being raised in the facility nursery and officially start training once they learn how to walk and there were others that begin around toddler age but you couldn’t remember when you’ve started. Despite receiving the training from top tier educators, some simply may not possess the potential to be selected for ZG’s special program and were usually terminated. Which obviously isn’t you because you are currently blindfolded and being transferred via car to the building of phase two. They’ve never let you go beyond the walls that completed the perimeter of your first training building. You’ve heard stories of some trying to risk going beyond the walls and were immediately terminated. You felt the vehicle stop and the door opened with someone grabbing your arm to guide you out. You couldn’t see anything but you could hear at least two different footsteps excluding your own. You all kept on walking for a good while until you all halted and waited until a voice startled you. “Take your blindfold off.” You complied and immediately faced with a man perhaps in his 20’s but what caught your attention was his sharp eyes, almost snake-like and threatening aura that sent your body shivering in anxiousness. “You’re the 7th to arrive. If we wanted to address specifically at you, we’ll refer to you as ‘Nana’. How old are you?” You stood in silence and Mino was about to lose his patience until he remembered why “Speak.”

“I was told that I’m ten-years-old.”

“I see. I expect you to make it until phase three. My workers will guide you to meet your new educator. Do not disappoint me or you will be terminated.”

You immediately bowed deeply and Mino walked away. You looked up and saw the two men now exposed free from your blindfolds who presumably are Mino’s workers. One of the men signaled for you to walk and you complied. The building seemed sterile and the long hallways glistened with the fluorescent lights reflecting the glossy white floors, very much designed like your previous facility. You continued to walk, passing by many doors until the man in front of you stopped and pointed at the door of the room you’ll be residing. Before they both turned to leave you, you bowed deeply to show your acknowledgment. You were taught that you were allowed to bow to anyone in a higher up position than you at any given time, but were not allowed to speak before given permission. The two men nodded and walked away, leaving you to your new training. Until you could no longer see them, you finally knocked on the door. The door opened revealing a woman that had the corners of her mouth turned upwards and caught you off guard. From your previous studies, you’ve learned that this is what people would call a smile but it’s the first time you’ve witnessed one in person, how peculiar. “Hi! You must be Nana! We were expecting you! Come in, come in!” You bowed to indicate your greeting and walked in. The woman’s voice was loud in volume and she was still smiling. It looked painful for her cheeks but she continued, “I’m your head educator of phase two-training! Things will be very different from your phase one-training. First off, while you’re in this building, you do not need to ask for permission to speak. Just follow the basic speech mannerism that you’ve learned from your previous training but do so with your will of speaking.” You waited until she continued to speak but realized that she was waiting for you to speak so you mumbled a small, “Yes.” That was the very first time you spoke without permission and it honestly felt strange in your stomach. The woman stared at you, writing something down on her clipboard and smiled even harder, something you didn’t think was possible. “Perfect! Secondly, here, you will learn about emotions and try to enhance the stimulation of your feelings! I’m sure you must be confused but this is all very exciting and I can’t wait until you meet your family member!”

Confused…? Exciting…? Family…? You were familiar with the vocabulary from your studies but never heard them used in a sentence. Suddenly, the strange feeling in your stomach growing larger. The woman looked at you cautiously, “Ah, I’m sorry. You must be overwhelmed! You feel something in your stomach, don’t you?” You widen your eyes, “Y-yes…how did you know?” “Ah just right now! I just surprised you! You see, human emotions aren’t that hard to stimulate. You just need to understand which emotion is which. But don’t worry. You’ll get used it soon. Also, thank you for speaking first.”

You felt surprised yet once again. You got thanked for speaking… it was peculiar and overwhelming but you could even dare to say that you liked the feeling of tying all of these emotions being put in action. Your new teacher smiled softer until she spoke again, “Now follow me! It’s time to meet your family member! Here, you are assigned to a sibling. You both will play, have meals together, and hold conversations much like families in real life.” She pauses to take a quick look at her clipboard and continued, “Ah yes, your assigned family member is number 3! I see you go by the Japanese translation, but number 3 will be the Korean translation ‘Set’. Set is a male so looks like you have gained a brother!”

You decided to speak up softly, “May I ask a question?” The woman stared at you, wrote something down again, and answered, “Yes, of course!” Looking away from the clipboard but continued to write as you spoke, “Why are different translations used to refer Set and I’s numbers?” “There will actually be ten of you coming to phase two in total, numbers eight through ten will be arriving tomorrow. They will all have different translations for their numbers as well. I know you all learned multiple languages during your phase one training so it will help increase brain activity by mixing in different languages for daily use. At least that is what Boss Zang insisted. Honestly, it doesn’t make much sense to me but we just go with it,” ending her blurb with a wink. “Now, come on! Let’s go meet your brother!”

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You felt the water in your shower turning cold, indicating that it was probably time for you to get out.

Brother…...you had a brother. Set? You couldn’t remember what happened to him…. but now’s not the time to ponder upon it. It’s nearing 8 p.m. so you quickly dry your hair, pulling it up into a high ponytail with two shorter strands of hair framing the sides of your face perfectly. You decided to wear some makeup with a darker shade of eyeshadow that accentuated your eye color more. Opening your wardrobe, you sorted and changed into a short black satin dress and leather jacket, that matched with your heeled black thigh high boots. You open another wardrobe that wasn’t for your clothes but the inside filled with various sorts of weaponry.

It’s a jazz club…it’ll be loud but not loud enough to use a gun. You could always put a silencer on, but it was honestly a hassle to carry. Ultimately, you decided on two shorter blades that laid on your forearms, hidden well by your leather jacket. Although you exceeded in any weapon, you still exceeded with blades a little more. It was easy to carry, silent to kill, and easier to aim with the contact being closer. You didn’t think you would need it but you also decided to wear a thigh holster carrying your pistol, that hid underneath your dress just enough. It’s good to take precautions... You took one last look in the mirror, before heading out. Not too much, yet bold enough to charm people as you walk by. Perfect.

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Your heels clacked as you walked down the dimly lit alleyway, feeling the chilly wind sweep across the sides of your neck and thighs. You stopped, finally reaching to the bright illuminated sign of your destination placed on the wall of the brick building that read, “Fellaz”. The structure of the wall was old, to say the least. The bricks were definitely run down that seemed to be barely clinging to its assigned spot and the two metal doors that was seemingly intimidating in size. You pulled the handle on one of the doors, ignoring the sudden contact with the cold metal on the palm of your hand, and smoothly walked in. The door closed behind you, its heavy weight allowing it to do so automatically. However, instead of entering a room, you were only met with a stairway that led directly downstairs, immediately noticing a surveillance camera planted on the ceiling that was directly facing towards the entrance. Without hesitating, you began to walk down the steps, smelling a faint aroma of coffee and hearing the subtle sounds of brass instruments. Stepping your final step, you were surprised to see a modern chic cafe that contrasted greatly from the outer appearance of the building you saw only a few minutes ago. You examined the interior and were immediately connected with jazz music that came from the four men playing on the center stage at the very back of the room. The right side occupied the drink bar that was attended by a bartender, smalls candles were lit positioned on top of the round dining tables that were placed sporadically across the rest of the remaining area. Yunho was nowhere to be found, but you still had roughly 30 hours left to accomplish your task so there wasn’t any need to worry. You usually gather more information on the beginning portion of your timeframe, taking in the lifestyle they lived in completely,  and then finish them accordingly. Which is what you’re about to do as you sat on one of the unoccupied stools at the drink bar counter, the bartender smiling at you as you took your seat. He was handsome, really handsome. His blonde hair that swept over his forehead defined his strong facial features beautifully. “Scotch on the rocks, thank you,” you placed your order as you gave a small charming smile back.

“Ah, you must be new here. I’m sorry, we don’t sell alcohol, just coffee.”

“No alcohol? at a club?”

The bartender chuckled, “Yeah, I know. Strange right? My friend actually opened this place. Something about wanting people to appreciate music to the full capacity while being sober…blah blah blah….but I think it’s just because he’s a lightweight.” You chuckled at the bartender’s straightforward remark over his friend, “Well then, I would like an iced americano, um-“

“Seonghwa. Call me Seonghwa, and one iced americano on the house for?-“

“y/n, thank you.” With that, Seonghwa gave you a quick wink and started working on the espresso machine. Very flirtatious, you noted. It didn’t take long for Seonghwa to hand you your beverage since everyone that was sitting at the bar left to join the dining area. You nodded your head to thank him, getting ready to speak until Seonghwa beat you to it. “So y/n, what’s a charming young lady such as yourself doing at a small unknown jazz club like Fellas,” he asked as he took a sip of his own latte. You took a sip of your own drink before answering, “Ah, I have a strong love for music so my coworker recommended me this place. I’m glad I came. The place is beautiful and the musicians are extremely skilled.”  You weren’t exactly lying. The sounds of the instruments that reached to your ear calmed and soothed you completely despite what you’re going to do in the next day or two. Seonghwa nodded in understanding as he looked towards the stage fondly where the four men continued to play, “I agree. I’m honestly really proud to call them my friends.” “Is that so? Tell me more about them,” you leaned forward to show your interest.

“Hmm let’s see. The one playing the drums with the ash hair is Wooyoung. He’s almost as loud as he plays, but you can tell he’s passionate about everything he does. The tall one playing the saxophone is Mingi, he told me he first started to play the sax since he was in elementary. The one with the dark hair with red highlights playing the piano, that’s San. He seems really serious right now, but he’s actually a really cheerful guy. He’s only ever this serious if he’s ever in the zone. And then lastly, the one playing the violin, that’s Jongho. He’s the youngest out of our friend group and he actually sings really well. He’s almost too talented even though he’s the youngest.”

As Seonghwa finished his description, you could evidently see how much he adored them. “You said your friend group…are there more who also plays like them?”

“Oh no, there’s actually eight of us in total. Half plays while the other half simply appreciates the music,” Seonghwa said while laughing. You shared your laugh with him until a voice caught both you and Seonghwa’s attention. Your heart sped up slightly when you turned to see who it was. “Excuse me miss, is this seat taken-“ he asked in a lulling tone. “No, please go ahead,” you answered as you made eye contact, taking a full view of his face and soft yet prominent features.

It’s Yunho.

Yunho smiled upon your approval as he sat next to you and then looked at Seonghwa who was already looking at him, “Hey, hyung. Who’s this?”

“This is our newcomer, y/n.”

“Newcomer, huh?” Yunho questioned. You could feel his curiosity. They knew each other… You looked between the two men and asked, “Are you both acquainted with each other?”

“Yeah, this is actually one of the guys in our friend group that I talked about earlier,” Seonghwa answered and Yunho immediately looked at you.

“You both talked about me, huh?”

You would think he was suspicious but you couldn’t sense that aura coming from him…only his strong and confident presence that probed you, making you want to leave the scene but you continued, “Yeah, I’ve heard you also admire music? Seonghwa and I talked about how wonderful this place is-“

“Really? That’s fantastic,” Yunho said while cutting you off, the words he spoke not matching with the sarcastic tone in his voice. You tried to fight off throwing a glare at his domineering attitude but he continued, “So that explains why you’re sitting here, by yourself on a Tuesday night being nosy and snatching information from my good friend here? Because of your love for the aesthetics and music hmm?” You accidentally slipped away from your composure for a moment and shot a venomous glare at him until you caught yourself. You never lose your composure. Especially not by a couple of cheap words but Yunho’s spiteful demeanor was truly testing you. Yunho also looked at you with cold eyes, fully aware that he was pissing you off to the point where you lost it for a split second. “Guys please not at the cafe… Yunho, the boss said to welcome her, not piss her off,” Seonghwa scolded at Yunho, the tone of his voice changing slightly as well. Boss…he said, boss... This was a trap and you had to get out of there. Within that short moment, many scenarios ran through your head, trying to calculate which would outcome your survival. Should you kill them both now? But if you do, there’s still four of their men still waiting behind you on the center stage. They continued to play their instruments but you could undoubtedly feel their attention on the three of you. Plus, this is their territory…who knows how many more people that are sitting in the dining area are actually disguised as one of them, or worse, all of them. Yunho was resting his head on his propped hand, looking completely unfazed. Maybe you could at least strike the both of them and exit just fast enough- “Will you relax? I can sense you’re overwhelmed but it’s overwhelming me too,” Yunho spoke cutting the silence, his words not matching his actions yet once again. “We’ve been told that we’re not allowed to kill-“

Now.

You swung both of your arms, sliding your blades out within only a split second. Yunho was startled slightly but moved just as fast and grabbed both of your arms that was aiming to slice both Yunho and Seonghwa’s neck, restricting your movements. You grazed Yunho’s cheek, blood slowly trickling down his cheek but he managed to stop your other arm just in time before it was only a centimeter away from reaching Seonghwa’s artery. Yunho maintained his hold on your arms, still immobilizing you. His face only a few inches away but his cold eyes reached yours even deeper. His voice husky and lowered an entire octave, “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted… we’re not allowed to kill you but I just might considering I don’t remember the last time I followed rules-“

“Yunho, stop,” Seonghwa said, completely unaffected. Yunho, clearly angry, raised his voice, “Hyung, this bitch cut my cheek which by the way, wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have to look after your ass too.” Seonghwa chuckled at his last remark, “You know I’m not the fastest.” Then Seonghwa turned to you and smiled, “Forgive Yunho. He has his moods sometimes, but he means no disrespect-“

“She tried to kill us, so why can’t we kill her?” Yunho said emphasizing each word full of spite, but he knew he wouldn’t receive an answer from Seonghwa so he turned to face you again, “Tell your bastard of a boss, that we don’t want or need you on our team.”

Wait, what..? What did he mean by on their team…?

Your thoughts were cut off when your phone suddenly rang. By the specific ringtone, you could tell it was your boss calling you. You knew Yunho wasn’t letting go of your arms any time soon so you brought your foot up and kicked him directly at his crotch. Yunho immediately winced in pain, freeing your arms, with Seonghwa trying to stabilize him stretching his arms over the counter. You turned around heard Yunho in the background cursing at you and swearing that he’s going to end your life but you ignored him and answered your call, “Boss.”

“Retreat your mission and come see me immediately. Things have changed...”

∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘

e|n: I hope this chapter wasn’t too confusing because I’ve made some minor changes (as stated in the beginning) We’ve almost officially met all of the members! I hope you’ll continue to read to see Nana meeting all of them. You’ll definitely see more interaction with the members in the next chapter. If you have any questions or need any clarifications, just ask! Thanks for reading and please leave feedback so I’ll know where I can improve :)

[morningstarlucemon]

Lucemon’s Mental Health and Difficulties Showing Emotion

((Lucemon technically fits some of the criteria to be labelled a sociopath. They are very self-centered, and largely lack empathy. However, they are not incapable of forming relationships. This is because, while they do have trouble feeling empathy for others, this does not mean they lack sympathy.

The difference between empathy and sympathy is small, but important. Empathy is being able to feel the emotions others are feeling in the moment, being able to experience the same feelings and share thoughts on them actively. Sympathy is caring for the emotions of others and wishing to help if they are in a bad way.

If one of Lucemon’s Generals tells them that their lover died in battle, Lucemon will not become visibly upset-- they won’t cry and their tone of voice will not change, nor will they become distracted from their work. But they will immediately offer that General time off to grieve and financial support if it is needed, they will refer the grieving to one of Lilithmon’s company for emotional support, and they will regularly check in with them for a time (sometimes using reminders to do so). 

Sometimes, Lucemon needs to work to show sympathy. This might involve asking questions that may come across as prying, writing down the goings on of other people’s lives to remember them, and most commonly simply asking a person what would help them. Many consider this a sign that Lucemon does not truly care, because in their minds, if they actually cared they would simply know these things. But Lucemon is not nerotypical, and they have suffered extreme trauma which has altered how they perceive and experience emotion. Lucemon typically experiences strong emotions as if viewing them through glass-- seeing them, but not truly feeling them until much later when it is safe to do so, if at all. So it takes extra effort on their part to show they care while remaining emotionally distant. If anything, they work harder to show humanity than most, since it does not come naturally to them.

They only truly showed psychopathic behavior towards the end of the War, when their mental state deteriorated to the point of madness. At this point, they lost all ability to care for others beyond their pointed goals. If they could fix the world, nothing else mattered, and damn everything that got in their way. They would right the greater evils, no matter the momentary cost. Their intentions were good, but their actions resulted in mass suffering and pain, and in the end, they failed to bring about the peace they sought to create. Lucemon’s mental state was further worsened by their stay in the Dark Area, which had them mostly catatonic and non-responsive beyond some base instincts-- eating, drinking, self defense-- which also came and went depending how functional they were on a day to day basis. This state only began to improve after several weeks with Aaron, when they began to become re-acquainted with reality. And even then, it took them months to begin behaving in any way that resembled “normalcy.”

Today, Lucemon is undergoing active treatment for their mental conditions as well as relearning how to understand the emotions of others and themselves. It is difficult to treat someone who is as old as Lucemon, and whose physiology is so drastically different from any human’s. But Aaron has made it a point of importance to learn how, not just for Lucemon but for others like them. So far, this treatment has involved several different aspects-- one-on-one “therapy” sessions with other Digimon who have experienced the horrors of war (often involving casual conversation rather than examination since 1.) Lucemon does not respond well to this, and 2.) there aren’t many Digi-psychiatrists), slow socialization with others like them, medication to aid data-flow imbalances (something Aaron has had to meticulously test and experiment with until something worked, with many failed attempts), maintaining healthy creative outlets and coping mechanisms, Lucemon actively seeking closure by offering to right wrongs they committed, and finally confronting past traumas they refused to recognize until recently. It is an incredibly slow process, and will never be fully completed. But they are showing progress, and they are slowly regaining their ability to experience their version of some emotions. This is probably best evidenced by their willingness to show affection for Aaron in their own way-- by being openly protective and physically close to them, and using their creativity to tribute to them.

Final note - Lucemon’s mental and general health profile as it currently stands in Exodus Verse.

Lucemon can be listed as experiencing Anti-Social Personality Disorder, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. These are mostly the result of trauma and poor coping mechanisms. The conditions considered to have previously existed in their coding but been exasperated by their experiences are ASPD and OCD.

Lucemon is on the autism spectrum. This is not the result of any trauma and has existed in their coding since their creation. This typically manifests itself in their atypical shows of emotion, special interests, and difficulty communicating in some circumstances. This is a trait shared by Cherubimon, as well. Though Lucemon was slightly more socially inclined than Cherubimon prior to their other traumas.

Lucemon suffers some long-term injuries equatable to brain damage due to physical trauma and corruption of their data. This has resulted in a speech impediment that becomes present when they are experiencing heightened emotions such as stress or excitement. This can manifest as a stutter, using the wrong words for objects or calling someone by the wrong name, or mixing up numbers and letters. Usually, they are aware they do this and will realize they have made a mistake moments after it occurs, and will typically attempt to correct themselves with mixed success. This is a point of heavy shame and embarrassment for them, having previously been known as a great orator. Thankfully, this does not typically affect their ability to sing.

Lucemon can communicate in sign language, which aids communication difficulties. They also are able to communicate through body language and various noises with others who have learned their beats and understand how they speak.))

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Three : THE DESOLATION OF THE GRINDR USER

« Grindr is a sociopath nest », Anonymous 

Grindr was launched on March 25, 2009. About a month or so earlier, I lost my virginity to the sweetest guy you could imagine. I met him on what we could consider one of Grindr’s ancestors, Gaypax— I still have that account, out of nostalgia. The design is so ugly I wonder now how I did spend so much time on it (we weren’t picky back then…) So Grindr was born at the exact time my sexual and romantic life was unfolding. It means that, except for the few years I’ve spent frenetically masturbating to La Redoute’s underwear catalogues and downloading dirty pictures of Brad Pitt naked with a very slow wifi, I’ve always been accustomed to gay apps.

Recently, the new and improved french magazine Tétu published an article called « Faut-il brûler Grindr?». Though not as detailed as I was hoping it would be, it did not changed my general opinion about the dating app paradigm. 

FLASHBACK France, 1971. A young gay man living in a beautiful city called Paris. Mike Brant just released his first major hit, Rock’N’Roll is slowly dying and Les Bidasses en Folie is this year’s biggest success at the box office. Unfortunately for him, the Gay Rights Movement is just at its infancy, homosexuality is still considered a mental illness and sodomy is punishable by law. So he shut his mouth and do his dirty business privately. he spends time around Place de Clichy and finds very discreet bars that can welcome him without too much judgement. He takes long walks toward the Tuileries bushes and sucks a stranger’s dong without any verbal exchange. He ends up marrying that fine young Marie, daughter of a friend of his dad, makes a couple of kids and from time to time, goes back to those places, shameful of himself.

That was the life of a gay man in France. If he didn’t get killed along the way. CUT TO 2009. Grindr is the first official gay dating app launched around the world. In France, the ban on sodomy disappeared in 1981 and since 1992, you are no longer considered a crazy person for being attracted to a person of the same sex (well, not from an official medical point, anyway). The app came to fruition through a simple question asked by its creator, Joel Simkhai : « WHO ELSE IS GAY AROUND HERE? ».

By 2012, 4 million people were using the App. 27 million as of 2017. Tinder followed in 2012 — you are welcome, straight people. Then SCRUFF, GAYROMEO, HORNET, BLUED, … What is wrong, then ? You damn well know something is wrong.

SMARTPHONE, 21st CENTURY’S NEW BACKROOM

If you go to a bar, you have to talk to the bartender, exchange a least a fews words with strangers, even dance as your look around and are being seen by others in the flesh. If you go to a gaybar, the same thing happens. If you go to a gaybar then the gaybar’s backroomn, rules change.

As the dating apps was closing in on worldwide domination, it became clear that the natural human kindness and respect would ultimately have no effect on the way people would communicate with one another on Grindr. I’ve been working in a bookstore for the past four years, you see. I expect a “hello”, “goodbye” and a smile during any interactions with clients — from them and myself. So there’s nothing more annoying that someone coming up to you, barking what they want to and leaving without any civility whatsoever. The Grindr equivalent would be Step 1 : A DICK PICK (or ass pick. I once had a fisting commemorative photo sent to me) straight up. Step 2 : A terribly convenient “cc sava tu ch?” or a “cho?” Step 3A : If you are polite enough to answer something, a conclusive “tu reçoi” or “tu bouge” Step 3B : you did not answer a singe word and the guy either sends you a “????” or insults the shit out of you. I sometimes do not answer impolite clients at work. Guess what ? Bitches say hello if you stare down at them long enough. On the internet, never gonna happen.

I remember the first couple of times I went on Grindr. I tried to answer everyone, even a “no, thank you”. There was always some “Hello”s, “How are you?”s, a few “My name is”s. But as the years went by, gay men (as I mostly talk to gay or bisexual cis men on these apps, I can only give my opinion on that category of people) adopted a series of unofficial rules to talk to each other.

1. If we are on this app, we are ready to fuck. 2. We do not have time for small talk. 3. We do not need your name, but dick size and multiple nudes are welcome. A picture is worth a thousand blablablahs. 4. We need to be very precise about what we want, so as not to waste our precious time. 5. Seriously, give us a full diagnosis of your body shape through pics, boy. 6. Chems ? 9. There are no rule 7 & 8, because 6 & 9. Now, turn around.

There are also lots of personal rules users seem keen on sharing them publicly as to implement unofficial rule number 4.

NO FEMS, NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS

“Pretty chill guy here. Very open minded and friendly. I love men from different cultures. Just no Asians. Asians leave me alone. I’m not racist” “Don’t message me. I’ll message you :). No Blacks Asians or fems. Love it when fats call themselves masc. hahahaha.” “Tell me if top/btm. Don’t really believe in “vers”. […] Attracted to Latin & White (trying to sound PC)” “Chill masc sane… just described nobody on here… Over 35, Asian or fem = block.. haha” “99% of you are losers. I’m the top 1%. So prove yourself first” The last one was written by a white male, by the way. They all were.

In our modern society, we’re not fools enough to believe that racism disappeared and everyone is accepting of others. Just look at the whole series of events called “while Black” where white people called cops on black folks for getting out of their airbnbs, talking in a Starbucks without ordering or falling asleep in a communal room at college. Nevertheless, you don’t see parades of racists proudly marching with “NO BLACKS” signs on the streets — you see another type of marches, yes. Free speech and stuff, sure. So why has it become acceptable in people’s minds to shade light on their racism in their profiles, barely hiding behind the “sexual preference” bullshit excuse ?

In an article dated September 2018 called “Why is it OK for online dates to block whole ethnic groups?” (2), the Observer related the appalling anecdote of an elderly white man who responded to a Grindr user of asian descent : “Asian, ew gross”.

I myself was told that I was too fat, too small, too twinkish, then not enough of those, or too white (but so we’re clear : RESERVE RACISM IS NOT A THING. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A THING!).

Racism also works with the beliefs that if you look or act a certain way, you obviously are what someone’s fantasy is. You are a black man so I assume that my hole will expand by ten once you’re inside me. You a blond light weight with feminine traits. You’re a submissive bottom and a real whore.

The world works on assumptions (ex : the myth of the BIG BLACK DICK or the for-sure global instinct that Tom Hanks would never have to face any #MeToo accusations) and apps follow that same path but without any policing. The absence of ramifications from someone’s actions further implement a feeling of unapologetic mindfulness — the same way being in a dark backroom with strangers you can’t see does not seem to add any consequences to what you’ll do next.

Recently, Grindr tried to course correct its past errors by creating “Kindr” (3). Was it a new app that would prevent people from actively using hate speech ? WELL WHY DON’T YOU PREVENT IT ON GRINDR THEN ? Was it a new platform to exchange ideas and experiences so that we can find another way to communicate together ?

Here’s how they introduce Kindr on their official site : At Grindr, we’re into diversity (MONEY), inclusion, and users who treat each other with respect. We’re not into racism, bullying, or other forms of toxic behavior (YOU ARE THE TOXIC BEHAVIOR). These are our preferences, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to better reflect them. Same app. New rules (DID YOU THOUGH?) Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Their type. Their tastes. But nobody is entitled to tear someone else down because of their race, size, gender, HIV status, age, or — quite simply — being who they are. (AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT PUT YOUR BUSINESS IN A RISKY POSITION) Join us in building a kinder Grindr. (DO YOUR OWN DAMN WORK). Express yourself, but not at the expense of someone else (OR US). Report discrimination when you see it (LIKE WITH THE JEWS BACK THEN. ALSO, WE THE USERS, ALREADY DID THAT). Use your voice and share your story to call out prejudice and spark change. Together, we can amplify the conversation and take steps towards a kinder, more respectful community (SEE, WE AT GRINDR ARE WOKE).

There you have it. A marketing scam to ease the pain of millions of users whose relationships and self esteem were affected by Grindr’s lack of interest in their consumers. How many years did it take for a simple statement from the CEO ? What’s actually concrete about these actions ?

in the community guide lines, it is stated that they “will remove any discriminatory statements displayed on profiles. […] Profile language that is used to openly discriminate against other users’ traits and characteristics will not be tolerated and will be subject to review by our moderation team”. FINE. So, if someone says “no short fat asians”, theoretically it would be removed from the profile. But if it says “more into vanilla and spice than chocolate and rice. So hit me up if this is you” (an actual Grindr profile, by the way), what can a Grindr moderator do about it ? The racism is still there. Are we to believe that EVERY single profile is being reviewed in detail ?

#deletegrindr was a popular hashtag over a year ago. I’m not on twitter and I still heard about it. Was it a cultural shift in the way gay people wanted to treat other gay people ? Were we on the verge of a revolution ? Nop. Grindr released data informations of thousands and thousands of profiles about HIV status (something that you can put on your Grindr profile) to third party companies. Since then, Grindr released the Kindr initiative and rewrote its policies.

I’m not against dating apps. I think it was a wonderful tool back in the day to extend one’s horizon, explore and experiment with love, sex and adventures. It no longer works that way. I didn’t even talk about the spreading of drug using through profile description and the real danger of stimulants in someone’s sex life.

#deletegrindr should come back and this time, it has to work. Silicon Valley, go make an app from scratch. One that would implement actual kindness to the machine, not based on popularity. Think of what people need, not what they want. People are shitheads. I’m a shithead. What I want is never good for me.

And YOU. You, little queer boy reading this. Don’t go on Grindr before going to bed to check the hotties in your area. Forget about that 6'2 monster cock Swedish god that lives nearby and offered you a quick hump for the ride. Ask him for a drink, put down your phone, get to know him a little and then fuck his brains out. You’re still gonna fuck but you’ll find humanity where there was once none.

That’s my preaching for the night. I gave up long ago on apps. I delete them all and stay away for months. Then, I feel lonely and get back to one or two. I met this new guy that way (4).The nice thing about it was that we did not talk dick sizes, favorite positions or any sexual desires until way after we actually met (and we’re talking two full weeks of messages). I’m not on any dating apps now.

(1) https://tetu.com (2) https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/sep/29/wltm-colour-blind-dating-app-racial-discrimination-grindr-tinder-algorithm-racism (3) https://www.kindr.grindr.com (4) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Miller

[dangerwatson]

            SO, MS. WATSON. YOU WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

It’s ya girl Lin back on my ‘ let’s cry about a beautiful woman together ’ bs. Here’s MJ ! It’s long, but that’s to have all her relevant information in one place should you ( or me more than likely ) need to hit it up for future reference. I’m excited to have her here ya’ll.

BASICS.

Given / Birth Name : Mary Jane Watson Nickname / Preferred Name : MJ, Red Alias(es) : N/A Birthdate / Age : June 19th 1991 / Twenty - Seven Place of Birth : Montoursville, Pennsylvania Current Location : Little Italy, NYC Gender Identity : Cis Female Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Disaster Bisexual Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: African - American && German Marital Status : Single Occupation : Field Reporter && Political commentator for Weekly Review Religious Beliefs : Agnostic. Raised Christian.

CHARACTERISTICS.

Height : 5′8″ Weight : 135 Body Type / Build : Entirely Average. Could stand to go to the gym, but honestly who has that kind of time. Don’t compare her to fruit she hates that. Eye Color : Green  Hair Color / Texture : Auburn. Worn natural, 4b curls and all. Sometimes braided, sometimes weaved, sometimes in bantu knots or covered by headscarves. She’s very particular with her hair - touching it can and will lead to physical harm against the perpetrator if unwelcome. Recognizable Features / Scars : Big ol’ dimples and a slight cleft chin. Dusting of dark freckles across nose and chest. Speech Patterns / Accent : Has a deeper voice, boarding whisky worn. Because she’s moved around the majority of her childhood MJ has no discernible accent, giving her a modulated tone that’s perfect for clear annunciation across media platforms. Languages Spoken : English, French, ASL Powers / Skills / Abilities : No powers, however MJ has a nose for good stories, and tends to follow wherever they take her.  Overall Health : Good.

RELATIONSHIPS.

Order of Birth : Youngest Number of Siblings : 1 Father’s Status + Relationship : Phillip Watson, alive. An abusive alcoholic, former High School English teacher. No relationship amends have been made. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Madeline Watson nee Rains, deceased. A starry eyed dreamer, former actress turned stay at home mother. Left Phillip after he struck Gayle, bounced both children through various family members. Passed away shortly after from congenital heart failure exacerbated by stress and lack of access to treatment. Sibling Status + Relationship : Gayle Watson, older sister by almost five years. Unlike MJ, continued to have a relationship with their father. Married her schoolyard sweetheart and had two children. He divorced her around the same time MJ graduated high school, leaving both sisters ( and her nephews ) living under Aunt Anne’s roof. They’re nearly estranged. When she visits her aunt and nephews, both sisters make a point of keeping their conversations short -- if they happen at all. Loyalty / Affiliation : Outwardly neutral, though subject to change behind closed doors.

PERSONALITY.

MBTI : ESFJ Hobbies : Dancing. Doesn’t matter where, when, why or how. Catch her pulling an n*sync routine in her living room at 4 PM on a Tuesday. MJ also has a knack for exploration. There are a lot of ( read : free ) things to do around the city and magically finds them all. Who cares if you have no interest in the Fungi Festival, there are booths everywhere for a quick way to kill an afternoon. Tried needlework one afternoon, didn’t stick and now there’s an abomination of mutant looking cats hanging above her bathroom door. Bad Habits : Smoking. Fixing / hyper - focusing on her hair when uncomfortable or stressed. Jumping head first into the dating scene only to find out it’s the shallow end. Providing 20 second long fart sounds whenever someone asks “how are you?” Taking care of others before taking care of herself. Three Positive Traits : The silent Mom Friend. Allow me to explain : MJ is traditionally that bitch^tm making sure you get home okay after hanging out, she ensures your soul is as well nourished as your body. For all of her outward party-girl aesthetics and a forced mean girl perception on her by others, she makes sure her friends are in good headspaces. That they feel encouraged to follow their ambitions and ultimately celebrate every success no matter the size. It’s the type of selflessness that she’d wanted for herself growing up, so I’ve labeled it as her BEST trait. She’s incredibly outgoing. An extrovert through and through, getting her battery charged by being around people. It’s what makes her an attractive personality. When in a battle of small talk, MJ not only listens and remembers those small shared details but she knows how to keep the conversation going without making it seem like a chore. I love how in tune she is like that, girl vibes hard with new and old friends alike. Finally, MJ would make a professional bargain hunter blush. She grew up poor and as a direct result is extremely careful about what she’s doing with money. And yes, being financially responsible during these trying times as a Millennial trying to earn that bread is pretty much a given good quality. We all wish it wasn’t, but here we are. Three Negative Traits : MJ is stubborn to a fault. When she digs her heels into something it’s hard to get her to stop until a desired outcome is achieved ( or undesired, event depending ). While this is usually reworded as a positive asset —- being so DRIVEN and MOTIVATED —– that’s simply not the case with her. She’s lived through all consequences resulting from this inability to budge and none of the supposed rewards. Been fired from more jobs than she’d care to admit for telling former bosses where to shove unrealistic worker expectations, or coworkers where they can file passive aggressive bullpucky. She’s also incredibly stunted emotionally. As mentioned, she’s a silent Mom Friend, but reciprocation of her actions isn’t met with as much of an openness as one might expect. MJ keeps her feelings to herself, and it usually builds up until she suffers a full scale breakdown triggered by something mundane like … dropping a fry or seeing a lady bug stepped on. Decompressing is a word in her vocabulary, for sure, but it was easier to partake in as a 20 year old than as a near 30 year old with responsibilities and bills to pay. Picky puts it in palatable terms, but MJ knows what she likes and how she likes it. When she doesn’t, then she’ll quickly find a preference. In the meantime we’ll say she’s very particular about what styles she likes to wear, how her make up is, how her hair looks, and over all what image she’s presenting to a general public. It’s a habit she hasn’t been able to shake. Moral Alignment : Neutral Good

ASSOCIATIONS.

One Song : Dead and Lovely - Tom Waits One Quote / Piece of Art : “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.” One Fear : Following the Watson Women path of horrible no good very bad mistakes and poor life decisions. One Strength : Persistence One Object : Breathe Right Nasal Strips One Place : May’s kitchen One Food : Garlic One Scent : Cinnamon. One Lucky Charm : Old tattered friendship bracelet

-----------------------

Pretty typical “American Dream !” 50′s family dynamic. Everyone looking great in their Sunday best photos, father with a steady job, stay at home mom to save on daycare, two daughters and a stray cat named Sir Stinkybottom.

Father started facing emotional breaking points brought about by lack of what he considered satisfactory income and inbound midlife crisis. Turned to drinking, ( turned into a right train wreck. )

Mary-Jane, Gayle and Maddie hopped from various family member’s couches to crash for a couple of weeks at a time during the separation process from Phillip.  This lasted a year.

Maddie passed away when MJ was around 10 and Gayle 15, Gayle instantly taking up the role of Mother Figure to MJ’s wild child foil. MJ maintains she doesn’t remember all that much about her mother while Gayle remembers everything and that becomes a point of contention. 

Father returns into their life. It’s messy, he eats away at their still developing ego’s like the cancerous human blob he’s chosen to become. Their Aunt Anna, who they live with, intervenes when she can.

Gayle gets the fuck outta there by marrying her high school sweetheart, moving to the midwest and popping out two adorable munchkins named Kevin and Thommy.

MJ has the pleasure of dealing with their dad alone for the next five years. Which she does by a little thing called home avoidance. Garners the reputation quickly as a party girl at Midtown, someone ready to go anywhere and everywhere at any time. 

Began solidly working around fifteen to help Anna out, sometimes in Diners, sometimes in retail. Her ability to sell her brand began early and honed with surgical precision during these years. All currently reflected across media platforms where she became a 2010 influencer ( and paid for little more than modeling ).

Started college at seventeen, typical move. Took 6 years for her to finish as she paid her way through without loans. The last thing MJ wanted when finally breaking out of Queens was a student dept choker. Graduated at 23 with a dual bachelors in journalism and political science.

Bounced between larger broadcasting industries for a few years as an underpaid intern before growing concerned by their lacking criteria. The burnout was real.

Tirelessly sought employment at her favorite ( but SMALL ) news agency. By luck of the draw she was screen tested and hired on for a slot as field reporter.  

She’s been with Weekly Review since. Now having two years under her belt ( still extremely Green in her industry ), she’s pushing for higher scope investigative journalist pieces. And for once, they’re not telling her no.

[intergalacticrp]

NAME :// NEO POLITAN ORIGIN :// RWBY AGE :// 27 JOB :// ROMAN TORCHWICK’S RIGHT HAND FC :// PARK HYE-MIN

You were just a little stowaway    That stabbed her way to save herself        You always liked the taste of blood               And I get off when I point the gun

BIOGRAPHY ://

(tw: violence, death)

Neo Politan isn’t someone you’re likely to get a straight answer out of. Or an answer at all really, considering how seldom she actually talks. Because of this, not even her partner in crime - Roman Torchwick - knows all that much about her life before Yen Sid. She says she was born on Vale, but there are no documents to confirm this. To all the world, it seemed she simply appeared out of thin air one day. Of course that’s very far from the truth, but it’s what she lets everyone believe.

Surprisingly, Neo actually is from Vale - just not with the name ‘Neo Politan’. Not that she’d ever tell you that. Some days she can’t seem to remember it, other days it lingers in her thoughts like a constant reminder. The third child and only daughter to the leader of a tribe of bandits on Vale, Neo was born into a world of crime and violence. The youngest at the camp, Neo was often pushed around by some of the older kids, her brothers included. She didn’t complain to her mother about it though, it was the nature of the people in her community to be rough.

Unfortunately, sometimes they were a little too rough. When Neo was six her uncle ‘accidentally’ killed a man from another tribe of bandits after the latter offended him and refused to apologize. At nightfall the next day the dead man’s family - accompanied by the rest of their community - had the camp surrounded. Their terms were simple: hand over the murderer in their midst or fight. I think you can figure out which option they choose.

They were vastly outnumbered and outgunned, but they’d defend their pride till the end. Neo watched with wide eyes as the people she’d grown up with - the people who had raised her - began to fall, one by one. And as always, where there is chaos, there is bound to be Grimm nearby. The last thing Neo remembers is screaming as a Beringel grabbed her eldest brother and smashed his head against the ground; the last sound she would make in the many years to come. Then something hit her, hard, and she fell to the ground, losing consciousness.

When she awoke, the young girl found herself underneath the remains of what used to be one of the lookout towers. It took her a solid twenty minutes to crawl out of the wreckage. The sight that met her eyes when she finally emerged was one she’ll never forget. Bodies everywhere. Since Grimm don’t need to feed to survive, everyone killed was left behind to rot. Whether or not there were any other survivors was something Neo would never find out. If there were, they’d escaped long before she came to. But just as horrifying as the sight of the camp - her home - was her newfound inability to speak. It was as if her vocal cords had disappeared.

She fled the camp with no voice, no knowledge of sign language, and nowhere to go.

To say life from then on way hard would be an understatement. The only way she could communicate with anyone was if via a notebook, and hardly anyone had the time of day to wait around for a little girl with sloppy handwriting. At some point she came across a nice couple who offered to help her, but when she wrote down her name they quickly revoked their offer. Her surname was also that of the group of bandits from which she was born from, but word had yet to spread that the tribe had been… ‘disbanded’. Realizing she’d need a new name, the child (who’d always had quite the sweet-tooth) chose “Neo Politan.”

Neo grew up never in the same place for two long. She slept on town streets whenever she could, only sleeping in the forest when necessary; if there were ever any Grimm that passed under the trees she slept in, they didn’t seem to notice her. She stole whatever she could, whether that be clothes or food. Due to her small stature she was an easy target for anyone who was bored and thought pushing around a little mute girl was fun. Neo wasn’t physically strong, but she was great at reading body language and figuring out weak points. She used the fights she got in to strengthen herself, going so far as to seek out the fights herself as she got older. They weren’t just practice, they were actually pretty fun. She enjoyed seeing the shocked looks on people’s faces when she knocked out someone twice her size. She relished in the knowledge that she could overpower someone. Neo had been stripped of her voice, her family, her home, but this was something she finally had control over.

By the time she was 18 she was well known among Vale’s lower class. She was the girl you contacted when you needed a job done well, or the dual colored eyes and knife to the throat you woke up to in the middle of the night. Practically everyone associated with the black market knew her one way or another. So maybe that’s why she left Vale; popularity had never suited the girl. Maybe she’d simply grown bored with the planet and her repetitive life there. Or maybe what she really wanted was a fresh start, a place where she could build a new reputation. Whatever the reason, the world may never know. It’s not like she’d tell anyone.

So with only a few weapons and the money she’d saved up from her time as a freelancer, Neo boarded the first ship off of Vale. The destination didn’t particularly matter, so long as it was out of the Remnant solar system. Yen Sid turned out to be the perfect place for her. Only twenty years old, Neo was quick to integrate herself into the asteroid’s community of less-than-law-abiding-citizens and fall in with the lowlives. And the place they all seemed to congregate was a nightclub called Melodic Cudgel. From what she’d heard, it was a good place to go looking for a job - it was a common place for higher ups to meet for business.

Unfortunately things didn’t go quite as planned. First, she was carded at the door. She’d only just turned 21 and could still pass for a minor. Then, once she was finally inside the club, it didn’t take long before she was harassed by some guys who thought it was hilarious a tiny girl like her (with pink hair, nonetheless) was looking for a job with one of their bosses. Neo thought it was hilarious how easy it was to bring them to their knees. She moved with grace and controlled power, knocking out anyone who took a step towards her with a smile. Lack of speech hadn’t been much of a problem since she’d let her actions speak for her. And, unknown to Neo, Roman Torchwick saw that. He’d watched the fight until the end, and was thoroughly impressed. After talking for a bit - well, Roman talked and Neo nodded or typed something out on her Scroll - the club owner offered a job and she happily accepted.

Initially, she was of course suspicious of her new employer, but with time they grew to trust each other more than anyone. When Neo turned 25 Roman even paid for the medical procedure that would give her back her voice and the physical therapy that followed. If that didn’t win him Neo’s unwavering loyalty and trust, nothing would. With bright pink locks and uniquely colored eyes, Neo isn’t the type of person you’re likely to forget. She’s still a rather quiet girl - both out of habit of never talking and because her silence tended to unnerve most people - and prefers to converse through gestures and expressions.

Neo wasn’t quite sure how to feel when Roman partnered up with Cinder Fall, but she trusts his decision and will do whatever is asked of her.

AESTHETIC ://

lace parasols, hidden weapons. an off-key music box. eating ice cream in the cold. ever-changing eyes. quiet is violent. letting your actions speak for themselves. shattered glass. memories you want to forget. knowing when you’re outmatched. a smile that never drops.

MISC ://

Neo, if that’s even her real name, was born and raised in a tribe of bandits on Vale. From the very beginning her life was full of crime and violence. Unfortunately she had two uncommon traits that made her a prime target for getting pushed around: her very short stature and heterochromia in her irises.

When a neighboring group of bandits attacked her camp, Neo was left to watch as the people she called family were killed and the only place she’d known as ‘home’ was destroyed. It didn’t take long for the chaos to bring the Grimm, but before Neo was forced to wear witness to any more death the building she was standing by collapsed on top of her.

After she finally came back to consciousness and climbed out of the wreckage she discovered she had lost the ability to speak; the cause being aphonia. Whether there were any other survivors was unknown. After that she spent years stealing, fighting, and gaining quite the reputation among Vale’s black market as a gun for hire.

When she was 20 hopped aboard a ship heading out of the Remnant solar system and ended up on a space station belonging to the Yen Sid Empire. It didn’t take long for her to get integrated with the lowlives on the station and begin looking for jobs where she could utilize her skills. After getting into a fight at Melodic Cudgel the owner of the club offered her a position working for him. She accepted immediately.

There is currently no one more important to Neo than Roman, though she’d never admit that. He paid for the surgery that gave Neo her voice back and the physical therapy that followed shortly after. He’s her partner in crime, and wherever he goes she’ll follow.

CONNECTION ://

Roman Torchwick: more than just an employer, only person she trusts/cares about

Cinder Fall: Roman’s closest business partner, loyal by default

Emerald Sustrai, Mercury Black: friendly, but not friends

Yang Xaio Long: enjoys getting a rise out of her

AVAILABILITY :// OPEN || TAKEN BY RIKA

[callmemoprah]

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Types of Liars: 14 Ways to Confront Them and Not Lose Your Cool

We all lie from time to time, we’re only human. If you’ve noticed, not everyone lies in the same way… so, what types of liars are there?

Here’s the thing, there’s no one in the world who hasn’t lied. Okay, there probably is but they’re also probably not very well liked amongst their family and friends. I should say lying is bad, and in most cases, it is. But there are levels to the types of liars.

The different types of liars that you’ll encounter

There are some moments where we have to lie. For example, your pregnant, emotional wife asks you if she looks fat. Well, she’s pregnant so, yeah, she looks a little thicker than her regular self. Do you tell her she looks fat? Of course not. You say, “No, baby, you look beautiful, I love you just the way you are.” Though that is true, the first part, that part where you said no, is a lie. [Read: 8 scenarios where white lies can save your relationship]

You see how easy it is to lie? And for some of us, we don’t even consider that an actual lie. So, as you can imagine, the spectrum of a liar ranges. But don’t worry I’m here to give you the 411 on liars and what the different types of liars there are.

It’s important to know the types of liars out there, that way, you can spot them before they start their bullshit with you. If you find yourself in one of these categories, don’t freak out. You can always change because lying is a learned behavior. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

#1 Lying is learned. If someone confesses they lied to you but can’t stop, listen, they can stop lying. Of course, if they’ve been lying for so long, it’s a behavior that’s going to be hard to change. However, it’s important to understand lying is learned. We learned to lie throughout our childhood for different reasons. However, most of us grow out of it. [Read: 13 giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]

#2 Lying doesn’t mean you tell something untrue. Here’s the thing: not all liars lie. Yeah, I know this is a little confusing at this moment but it’s true. Not all liars tell you something false. In fact, they may straight up tell you the truth. However, they may leave important details out which is what they hide from you. [Read: The 15 types of toxic relationships you need to watch out for in your life]

#3 The Occasional Liar. These are people who are generally not lying. In fact, when they do lie, they’re completely riddled with the feeling of guilt and usually end up seeking forgiveness from the ones they lied to. Though they did lie, they understood quickly their mistake and have so much self-respect and respect for others they quickly change their behavior and admit their fault.

#4 The Frequent Liar. This person lives their day-to-day activities lying their way through. As a frequent liar, they’re not overly concerned about the repercussions of their actions. In fact, they don’t even try to cover their tracks. Though everyone may know that this person’s lying, they’re not bothered.

Their sloppiness with their lying results with them having very few friends since no one can trust this person fully. These people may feel the need to lie in order to make themselves appear to be more interesting or likable. However, people usually catch on pretty quick. [Read: The 18 reasons you might not having any friends]

#5 The Smooth Liar. Now this person knows how to lie. I mean, it’s already shown in the title. They perfected their craft of deception. When it comes to a smooth liar, you may not actually realize you’re being lied to. This is because they’ve also convinced themselves of the lie. Thus, you have no reason to not believe them.

They’re very fluid with body language and speech, usually, a favorite at parties and social gatherings. They’re fun to be around because they entertain. They always have some story to share about some crazy night out, but it’s all bullshit. Once people start to question them, they quickly find new people to work their magic on.

#6 The Compulsive Liar. A compulsive liar is someone who has a serious issue when it comes to honesty. They lie even when they don’t have to. Sure, they could tell the truth but for them, it feels more natural when they lie. This is beyond lying for enjoyment, this is an addiction that they’re unable to control.

They usually dedicate a large amount of time in coming up with new stories, new lies to share. As people, they’re not trustworthy and usually, they’re unable to maintain any friendships. Their lying usually ends up destroying their lives. [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]

#7 White Liars. Most of us think of ourselves as white liars. White liars are usually not considered actual liars. White lies are justified as being harmless and beneficial for the situation. They tell the truth, but there is usually a small part which is a lie. You remember the story about the pregnant wife who asks you if she looks fat. Yup, your answer is a white lie, and for good reason, you don’t want to hurt her feelings.

What to do when you encounter a liar?

#8 Don’t be aggressive towards them. If you figured out that this person lied, don’t attack them with accusations. Instead, act calmly and show them the evidence that you have. Your goal is to have them admit their faults, thus, if you freak out at them, they may continue to lie to simply try to weasel their way out. Show them  in a calm way, there’s nowhere to go. [Read: 13 giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]

#9 Stay confident. They may try to manipulate you and break down your self-esteem, making you second guess your feelings and thoughts. Don’t let them. Sure, it may be your boyfriend, but, screw him, he’s a liar. You hold the power now, so do not let them take the power from you. Stand strong and stay firm in your opinion.

#10 Do show them love. That is if you actually care about this person. Do show them empathy and compassion, as you get them to open up to you.

You want to better your relationship with them, rather than breaking them down further. So, do show them you support them as a friend or partner, this doesn’t mean though that you let it slide. Remember, they still lied. [Read: The 15 ways to learn how to forgive someone]

#11 Have your facts ready. If you confront a liar, well, if you’re not confident in your evidence, your argument isn’t going to go far. In fact, they already have another lie to defend themselves. So, if you must write them down, write them down. This may be even better if you present them paper evidence of their lies. This way, you won’t be the one being called a liar.

#12 Keep the conversation going. Like I said before, you need to talk to them. I know you’re angry but yelling at them isn’t going to get you anywhere. So, make sure you keep your voice in a conversational tone, that way, they feel comfortable in talking to you *somewhat* honestly.

#13 Ask questions. This is your time to ask the questions. You want to ask them specific questions, this is the only way you uncover their lies. They need to have prepared very specific information beforehand and if you caught them off guard, well, I don’t think they prepared for it. [Read: Emotional maturity: 13 clues to know if someone has it]

#14 Take some time for yourself. Now that you spoke to them, it’s time that you took some time to yourself to think about what you’re going to do. They’re now a distrustful person in your eyes, so, you need to figure out what you should do with this relationship.

[Read: How to spot a compulsive liar and know if it’s time to walk away]

Now that you’re fully up to date on the types of liars that exist, which one are you? Do you notice any of your friends or family with some of these attributes?

The post Types of Liars: 14 Ways to Confront Them and Not Lose Your Cool is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[jansegers]

Simple English Word List

SIMPLE1540 : a simple English wikipedia word list based on the XML export of all articles related to the nine major groups: Everyday life, Geography, History, Knowledge, Language, Literature, People, Religion, and Science and retaining all word forms appearing 7 times or more in this corpus. 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orthology other others our out outer outside over own oxygen p. pack pagan page paint palace paper paradigm parent parish park part participant particular particularly party pas pass past pasta pattern pay peace peer penguin penis people per percent percentage perception performance perhaps period peroxide persecution person personal personality perspective persuasion pet phenomenon philosopher philosophical philosophy phoneme phonetic phonetics photo phrase physic physical picture piece pilgrimage place plan planet plant plat plate play please poem poems poet poetry point pole police policy political politics polytheism polytheistic popular population position positive possession possible possibly post power powerful pp. practical practice praise pray prayer precise predict prediction prehistory present preserve press prevent priest primary principle print printing private probably problem process produce product production professional program project pronounce pronunciation proof property prophet propose prose proselytism protection protein provide province psychological psychology public publication publish publisher publishing punishment pure purpose put pyramid quantum question quickly quite quote race racial rack radiation radio rain range rate rather read reader real realism reality really reason receive recent recently reclamation recognize record recreation red ref refer reference referred reform reformation regard region reign rejection relate relation relationship relatively relativity reliable relic religion religious remain remember remove renaissance replace report republic request require research researcher resource respect response result resurrection retrieve return revelation revert review revision revival revolution rhetoric rich right rise ritual river rock role room royal rule ruled ruler run rural sacred sacrifice safe saga sage saint salad same sample satellite saw say schizophrenia scholar school science scientific scientist scope sea search second secondary section secular see seek seem selection self sense sent sentence separate sequence series service set seven several sexual shall shaman shape share she short should show shrine side sign significant silence similar simple simply since single situation six size skill skin slavery sleep slightly slow small smell smith snake so social society sociology soft soil solar soldier solid soliloquy some someone something sometimes song soon sortable sound source space speak speaker special specie specific speech speed spell spirit spiritual spirituality split sport spread square st. stage stain standard star start state statement station statistic statistical statue status stick still stone stop story strange strap strong structure struggle stub student study stutter style subject successful such sugar suggest sun sung sunlight superior superiority supernatural support suppose supreme sure surface survey surveyor sushi sustainability sustainable sweat symbol symbolic system table take talk tam tan task teach teacher teaching technique technology tectonics teeth tell temperature template temple ten term terminology territory tertiary test testament text textual than thank that the their theism them themselves then theology theoretical theory therapy there therefore thesaurus these they thick thing think third this those though thought thousand three through throughout thumb thus ticket tight time title to today together toilet tolerance toleration tongue too tool top topic total towards tower trade tradition traditional train translation transport travel treat treatment tree trench trial tribe tried trig true truth try turn twentieth twenty two type typical typically ultimate ultraviolet under understand understood union unit united universal universe university unknown unsortable until up upon upper urban urbanization usage use useful usually valley value van vandalism various vassal vegetable verb verbal verse version very video view violence virgin visit vitamin vocabulary voice vol. volume vowel vs. wale wall want war warm warmer wash waste water wave way we weak wealth wear weather web website weight well what when where whether which while white who whole whom whose why wide widely wild wilderness will window wisdom wise witch witchcraft with within without witness woman word work worker world worship would write writer writing wrong yam year yellow you young your

China, March and May made this list because china, march and may are on it and I didn't want to decide in favor of the common noun or the proper noun; all other proper nouns have been omitted (even the ten other months that met the criterium of appearing more then 6 times). #SimpleWikipedia #SimpleEnglish #wordlist #English #words #level1540 #Inli #nimi #selo1540

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Turn off These 6 Dangerous Inner Dialogues That Kills Your Brain Power

Have you ever had an internal dialogue playing on loop in your brain? Your mind seems to be always working even when things are quiet. We don’t only use this dialogue to solve problems, we also spend part of our time having an internal conversation with ourselves.

We have a world happening inside our heads replete with catch phrases and mantras. Most of us don’t even realize that we’re having this conversation. Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, likens this mental chatter to our “inner roommate.”

Your inner roommate is the voice in the back of your head narrating your life for you. This voice might be offering you positive affirmations such as, “I am strong and capable,” or “I can handle change.” This voice could also have catch phrases like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t belong,” or “I can’t.” We have these conversations with ourselves so often that we hardly realize they’re happening.

These thoughts have more power than we recognize. The words that we tell ourselves can manifest incredible possibilities, or they can fill us with negativity. As harmless as it can seem, what we tell ourselves can lead to self-actualization or self-sabotage.

These silent conversations can affect how your brain works

The silent conversations you’ve been having with yourself can have a profound impact on how you view the world. What we say to ourselves can temper our experience.

We process speech that we hear in the temporal and parietal lobes of the brain. The process is complex, but our brains not only determine what sounds are being made but also what those combinations of sounds mean together.[1] When our inner voice starts talking to us, many of the same areas in the brain used for hearing speech are activated.[2]

Our words are more than just idle chatter. The power of ideas transmitted by language is further reinforced by physiological responses that we have to words, whether we speak them aloud or hear them from our inner roommate. Negative words increase cortisol, a stress hormone which can wreak havoc on your body and have an impact on how you handle tough situations.[3]

The more you hear something, the more you’ll believe it

Even though our inner voice is telling us things in our minds, our brain still treats inner speech just like words spoken aloud. Broca’s area, the region in the frontal lobe responsible for processing speech is active in both cases.[4]

Hearing yourself say something in your mind carries the same weight as hearing yourself say something aloud. The more you repeat it, that thought will carry more weight because you’ve accepted it as the truth.

This is why repeatedly telling yourself that you are fine can make you feel better when you are nervous. Your brain hears you saying it, and then you have a physiological and hormonal response to that mantra. Unfortunately, the things we tell ourselves can also elicit stress responses.

Are any of these internal catch phrases sabotaging you?

There are loads of great things that you might be telling yourself, but many of us also face negative internal dialogue loops. If you can catch them, then you can correct them.

1. Okay.

It is fine to say “That’s okay.” when you truly agree with something. The problem is that we tell ourselves that things are okay even when they aren’t. Telling yourself that something is okay when it isn’t can perpetuate a state of discomfort.

When someone asks you what you think about something, how often have you said that it was okay just to appease the other person. You may not feel right about the situation, but you choose not to say anything.

Imagine that your coworker has just asked you to cover a shift for them this weekend on short notice because their friend is in town. Even though you already have tickets to see a show with your partner, you agree to do this because you don’t want to make waves at work.

When you tell yourself that this is okay in your mind, your brain stops looking for alternatives. Instead of asserting yourself, you commit to sacrificing a date with your partner. In your mind, you come up with many reasons why it is fine to take on this extra work instead of taking the time to communicate what you need.

Avoid simply agreeing to things if they don’t feel right to you. If you can interrupt the loop of, “That’s okay,” you might be able to come up with a better solution. At the very least you will make it possible to be honest with yourself.

2. It’s easy.

Viewing a task as extremely difficult can make it intimidating, but you can underestimate something by proclaiming that it’s easy. When you think that something is easy, you have the requisite skills and sufficient knowledge to tackle the problem. If you don’t possess those things, then labeling something as “easy” could cause you to take an over-simplified view of it.

When we think something is easy, we might stop looking for better solutions, and we may fail to notice small details that could determine success or failure. At the least, we make things more difficult for ourselves because we aren’t willing to look for other ways of tackling the problem.

Internalize that something is too easy make it tough for the people around us. If someone asks you for help, you could make them feel foolish by offering a response like, “That’s super easy.” Even if you think it’s simple, you may not be able to explain it in a way that makes it easy for others to grasp.

I took a yoga class in which the teacher cued us into complex posture. She not only made it look easy, but she also told us that the posture was simple to achieve. She had been practicing yoga for many years, and as a result, she had forgotten how hard she had to work to learn the posture. The catch phrase that she told herself had made its way into her class, and we all felt foolish when we couldn’t do what she asked right away.

3. It has always been like this.

Tradition is great, but inefficiency isn’t. When you rely on a historical precedent for your actions, you may be unable to look at issues from new perspectives. You will never progress or learn new things if you stay stuck in the past.

If people refused to try mobile phones because phones had always had cords and tied to a land line, we wouldn’t have smart phones today. We certainly couldn’t have imagined a phone that could serve as a camera and a mini-computer if someone hadn’t decided that we needed to try new things.

4. I don’t know.

This is probably the worst of the mental catch phrases. When we tell ourselves that we don’t know, we’ve tossed our hands up in defeat. We set ourselves up so that we can’t come up with a solution. This is the mental equivalent of being a person who complains all the time but never does anything about it.

Teachers have to battle the “I-don’t-know” monster in the classroom all the time. Kids who exclaim that they don’t know how to do something have given up on trying. Think of times when you have said to someone, “I don’t know.” Chances are, it froze all activity as you waited for someone to give you a hint or put you on course.

Knowing that you don’t know something can empower you to seek answers, but if your internal dialogue stays stuck on, “I don’t know,” you are going to spend more time seeking help from others instead of figuring things out for yourself. You can’t grow this way because you are always waiting for other people.

5. I just don’t feel right about it.

This catch phrase works similarly to saying, “It’s easy,” because it makes us stop looking for solutions. The main difference is that when you say this one, you feel miserable.

If something doesn’t feel okay to you, then there is probably a reason, but by saying. “It just doesn’t feel right,” you stop yourself from figuring out what you don’t like.

Imagine you’ve been in the middle of a grueling job search, and you just got an offer. You decline the offer because it “just doesn’t feel right.” In this situation, you need to figure out what was wrong. Did you simply dislike the company’s values? Did the interviewer make you uncomfortable? Was the salary offer too low? Knowing this can help you refine your search and save you the stress of doing more interviews for jobs that don’t meet your standards.

6. That’s impossible.

If you can imagine it, then it is possible. Regardless of whether you need luck or you have to put in lots of effort, the realm of possibility is vast. When you say that something is impossible, you allow that negative thought pattern to dominate your perspective.

Your brain, only looking to make things easier for you, hears, “That’s impossible,” and works to corroborate that statement. You have a confirmation bias, which causes you to find evidence to support what you already believe .

If you try to do something new and think that it’s impossible, then you’ll keep yourself from finding ways to make it possible. Instead of telling yourself that you are doing something impossible, try to set us a list of “maybes.” Identify challenges that could prevent you from reaching your goals. You can get around obstacles, but you’ll never get around a generalized belief of impossibility.

Perhaps your struggle seems too great to overcome. For example, many people struggle with student loan debt. If a person has done everything in their power to get out of debt, he or she might seek help from a financial counselor. Calling on outside help is a great idea in this case because it can be hard to think of things from an objective perspective when you already think the obstacle is insurmountable.

It’s time to pause change your internal dialogue

For many of us, our internal dialogue plays without us thinking. Our catch phrases are handy because they enable us to operate on autopilot. It is critical to disrupt these negative and self-defeating thought patterns.

Every time you catch yourself repeating a negative mantra, hit the internal pause button, and try to come up with a better solution. If you’re guilty of saying, “I don’t know,” then try saying something like, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” By flipping your negative statements into positive ones, you can allow your brain to live up to its full problem-solving potential.

Reference

[1]^Science Daily: Scientists Reaching Consensus on How Brain Processes Speech[2]^Mental Floss: What’s Happening When We Hear The Voice In Our Head?[3]^Power of Positivity: This Is What Negative Thinking Does To Your Brain[4]^The Guardian: Talking To Ourselves: The Science Of The Little Voice Inside Your Head

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Turn off These 6 Dangerous Inner Dialogues That Kills Your Brain Power

Have you ever had an internal dialogue playing on loop in your brain? Your mind seems to be always working even when things are quiet. We don’t only use this dialogue to solve problems, we also spend part of our time having an internal conversation with ourselves.

We have a world happening inside our heads replete with catch phrases and mantras. Most of us don’t even realize that we’re having this conversation. Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, likens this mental chatter to our “inner roommate.”

Your inner roommate is the voice in the back of your head narrating your life for you. This voice might be offering you positive affirmations such as, “I am strong and capable,” or “I can handle change.” This voice could also have catch phrases like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t belong,” or “I can’t.” We have these conversations with ourselves so often that we hardly realize they’re happening.

These thoughts have more power than we recognize. The words that we tell ourselves can manifest incredible possibilities, or they can fill us with negativity. As harmless as it can seem, what we tell ourselves can lead to self-actualization or self-sabotage.

These silent conversations can affect how your brain works

The silent conversations you’ve been having with yourself can have a profound impact on how you view the world. What we say to ourselves can temper our experience.

We process speech that we hear in the temporal and parietal lobes of the brain. The process is complex, but our brains not only determine what sounds are being made but also what those combinations of sounds mean together.[1] When our inner voice starts talking to us, many of the same areas in the brain used for hearing speech are activated.[2]

Our words are more than just idle chatter. The power of ideas transmitted by language is further reinforced by physiological responses that we have to words, whether we speak them aloud or hear them from our inner roommate. Negative words increase cortisol, a stress hormone which can wreak havoc on your body and have an impact on how you handle tough situations.[3]

The more you hear something, the more you’ll believe it

Even though our inner voice is telling us things in our minds, our brain still treats inner speech just like words spoken aloud. Broca’s area, the region in the frontal lobe responsible for processing speech is active in both cases.[4]

Hearing yourself say something in your mind carries the same weight as hearing yourself say something aloud. The more you repeat it, that thought will carry more weight because you’ve accepted it as the truth.

This is why repeatedly telling yourself that you are fine can make you feel better when you are nervous. Your brain hears you saying it, and then you have a physiological and hormonal response to that mantra. Unfortunately, the things we tell ourselves can also elicit stress responses.

Are any of these internal catch phrases sabotaging you?

There are loads of great things that you might be telling yourself, but many of us also face negative internal dialogue loops. If you can catch them, then you can correct them.

1. Okay.

It is fine to say “That’s okay.” when you truly agree with something. The problem is that we tell ourselves that things are okay even when they aren’t. Telling yourself that something is okay when it isn’t can perpetuate a state of discomfort.

When someone asks you what you think about something, how often have you said that it was okay just to appease the other person. You may not feel right about the situation, but you choose not to say anything.

Imagine that your coworker has just asked you to cover a shift for them this weekend on short notice because their friend is in town. Even though you already have tickets to see a show with your partner, you agree to do this because you don’t want to make waves at work.

When you tell yourself that this is okay in your mind, your brain stops looking for alternatives. Instead of asserting yourself, you commit to sacrificing a date with your partner. In your mind, you come up with many reasons why it is fine to take on this extra work instead of taking the time to communicate what you need.

Avoid simply agreeing to things if they don’t feel right to you. If you can interrupt the loop of, “That’s okay,” you might be able to come up with a better solution. At the very least you will make it possible to be honest with yourself.

2. It’s easy.

Viewing a task as extremely difficult can make it intimidating, but you can underestimate something by proclaiming that it’s easy. When you think that something is easy, you have the requisite skills and sufficient knowledge to tackle the problem. If you don’t possess those things, then labeling something as “easy” could cause you to take an over-simplified view of it.

When we think something is easy, we might stop looking for better solutions, and we may fail to notice small details that could determine success or failure. At the least, we make things more difficult for ourselves because we aren’t willing to look for other ways of tackling the problem.

Internalize that something is too easy make it tough for the people around us. If someone asks you for help, you could make them feel foolish by offering a response like, “That’s super easy.” Even if you think it’s simple, you may not be able to explain it in a way that makes it easy for others to grasp.

I took a yoga class in which the teacher cued us into complex posture. She not only made it look easy, but she also told us that the posture was simple to achieve. She had been practicing yoga for many years, and as a result, she had forgotten how hard she had to work to learn the posture. The catch phrase that she told herself had made its way into her class, and we all felt foolish when we couldn’t do what she asked right away.

3. It has always been like this.

Tradition is great, but inefficiency isn’t. When you rely on a historical precedent for your actions, you may be unable to look at issues from new perspectives. You will never progress or learn new things if you stay stuck in the past.

If people refused to try mobile phones because phones had always had cords and tied to a land line, we wouldn’t have smart phones today. We certainly couldn’t have imagined a phone that could serve as a camera and a mini-computer if someone hadn’t decided that we needed to try new things.

4. I don’t know.

This is probably the worst of the mental catch phrases. When we tell ourselves that we don’t know, we’ve tossed our hands up in defeat. We set ourselves up so that we can’t come up with a solution. This is the mental equivalent of being a person who complains all the time but never does anything about it.

Teachers have to battle the “I-don’t-know” monster in the classroom all the time. Kids who exclaim that they don’t know how to do something have given up on trying. Think of times when you have said to someone, “I don’t know.” Chances are, it froze all activity as you waited for someone to give you a hint or put you on course.

Knowing that you don’t know something can empower you to seek answers, but if your internal dialogue stays stuck on, “I don’t know,” you are going to spend more time seeking help from others instead of figuring things out for yourself. You can’t grow this way because you are always waiting for other people.

5. I just don’t feel right about it.

This catch phrase works similarly to saying, “It’s easy,” because it makes us stop looking for solutions. The main difference is that when you say this one, you feel miserable.

If something doesn’t feel okay to you, then there is probably a reason, but by saying. “It just doesn’t feel right,” you stop yourself from figuring out what you don’t like.

Imagine you’ve been in the middle of a grueling job search, and you just got an offer. You decline the offer because it “just doesn’t feel right.” In this situation, you need to figure out what was wrong. Did you simply dislike the company’s values? Did the interviewer make you uncomfortable? Was the salary offer too low? Knowing this can help you refine your search and save you the stress of doing more interviews for jobs that don’t meet your standards.

6. That’s impossible.

If you can imagine it, then it is possible. Regardless of whether you need luck or you have to put in lots of effort, the realm of possibility is vast. When you say that something is impossible, you allow that negative thought pattern to dominate your perspective.

Your brain, only looking to make things easier for you, hears, “That’s impossible,” and works to corroborate that statement. You have a confirmation bias, which causes you to find evidence to support what you already believe .

If you try to do something new and think that it’s impossible, then you’ll keep yourself from finding ways to make it possible. Instead of telling yourself that you are doing something impossible, try to set us a list of “maybes.” Identify challenges that could prevent you from reaching your goals. You can get around obstacles, but you’ll never get around a generalized belief of impossibility.

Perhaps your struggle seems too great to overcome. For example, many people struggle with student loan debt. If a person has done everything in their power to get out of debt, he or she might seek help from a financial counselor. Calling on outside help is a great idea in this case because it can be hard to think of things from an objective perspective when you already think the obstacle is insurmountable.

It’s time to pause change your internal dialogue

For many of us, our internal dialogue plays without us thinking. Our catch phrases are handy because they enable us to operate on autopilot. It is critical to disrupt these negative and self-defeating thought patterns.

Every time you catch yourself repeating a negative mantra, hit the internal pause button, and try to come up with a better solution. If you’re guilty of saying, “I don’t know,” then try saying something like, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” By flipping your negative statements into positive ones, you can allow your brain to live up to its full problem-solving potential.

Reference

[1]^Science Daily: Scientists Reaching Consensus on How Brain Processes Speech[2]^Mental Floss: What’s Happening When We Hear The Voice In Our Head?[3]^Power of Positivity: This Is What Negative Thinking Does To Your Brain[4]^The Guardian: Talking To Ourselves: The Science Of The Little Voice Inside Your Head

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The post Turn off These 6 Dangerous Inner Dialogues That Kills Your Brain Power appeared first on Lifehack.

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