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aebi12 · 9 months

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"Sinful Desires" - Epilogue

Previous chapters - Masterlist

“Do you find everything terribly strange?”

Aegon jumps at hearing Alyssa's voice.

“I am sorry, darling, I didn't mean to scare you,” she apologizes walking slowly towards her brother, who is leaning on the balcony watching the new soldiers training in one of the castle courtyards.

"You just caught me by surprise," he replies, reassuring her with a smile and offering his arm for support, “Should you be out of bed? Your maid said that you weren't feeling well this morning."

"It's nothing," Alyssa rolls her eyes and looks at her brother, "You seem worried."

Her green eyes scan the young prince’s face, his brow furrowed slightly and his violet eyes tired. When their gazes meet, Aegon shrugs, and Alyssa, for an instant, sees again the little boy he once was. A nostalgic smile is born on her lips while her hand caresses Aegon's face feeling a stubble that manages to draw a sigh.

“Sometimes I still can't believe how much you've grown in these years,” she says

Now it is Aegon's turn to roll his eyes, though he then takes Alyssa's hand and places a kiss on her knuckles, "While you, mother, look more radiant and beautiful than ever."

The princess can't help but smile at his compliment, "Did they also instructed you in gallantries in Riverrun?"

Aegon chuckles and shakes his head, his gaze drifting once more to the soldiers for an instant.

“Talk to me, Egg. You may be a man now, but I can still tell when something is bothering you, what is it?

There is a moment of silence before he speaks, “I don't know if I am ready. I don't know if I can do it"

She doesn't need to ask what he is referring to.

“You have prepared your whole life for this moment, Aegon, yet it is normal to have doubts. I'd be amazed if you didn't."

“I don't know,” he shakes his head, “Everything suddenly feels real now that I am here again. I feel like I wasted a lot of time living in the Riverlands when I could be here, doing more for the realm. Learning more about my duties."

"You weren't wasting time. You were Lord Kermit's squire and it was an honor for him to receive you these last few years in his ancestral home. The visits you made to the other lords of the Trident were necessary. You were too young to remember much about the war, but you know how important it is to keep the peace. That part of the realm was hit the hardest when our family bled, spending this time with them is a way for the Crown to make amends for what happened."

“I know, I know you are right, it's just…” he trails off, clearly measuring his words, “It's weird to be back. Everything looks the same, but feels different. And suddenly I have all these responsibilities. I understand the burden that weighs on my shoulders, and for that very reason I fear that I am not capable enough”

“This is your birthright,” Alyssa assures him, “I know you will make a fine king because you are a good boy.”

“You say that because you are my mother,” he retorts, dismissing her comment.

Alyssa just smiles.

At some point after her wedding to Aemond, Aegon had begun referring to her as his mother. At first, Alyssa had thought he was doing it by mistake, but when he began calling Aemond father, she knew her little brother was doing it knowingly. It had taken her a while to get used to him referring to her that way, but she hadn't tried to correct him. She hadn't pushed aside the memory of Rhaenyra, either.

No. Actually, the biggest challenge she and Aemond had had over the years was being honest with the children. As much as they tried to isolate them from the bloodiest facts of the war, the rumors and whispers were always there. So, after much discussion, they had explained to Aegon and Jaehaera what had happened, the terrible way their family had split into two factions and fought each other almost to extinction.

“We survived because we understood that House Targaryen must stick together,” she had told nine-year-old Aegon and Jaehaera. Aemond had been mostly silent throughout the entire conversation. He didn't say it, but Alyssa knew that he feared Aegon's reaction to knowing that he had killed his father, “We did many things to keep you both safe and protected, that was always the priority for both of us. For you to be happy, having a better future than ours."

As always, it had been Aegon who had asked the questions. Many of them. And they had responded as sincerely as they could. Jaehaera, on her side, had remained almost silent, her blue eyes more wistful than ever. Alyssa knew that, from time to time, she still had nightmares. And she also knew that the girl, unlike her brother, had experienced firsthand the horrors of war.

In the end, when they had been told everything, Aegon had remained tremendously close to Aemond, assuring that he was the only father he knew and loved.

“I'm saying this because it's the truth,” Alyssa assures him, “Besides, you won't be alone. The small council will help you to rule. As king, it is your duty to listen to them and theirs to advise you in the best way possible. You can trust them. Lord Tyland is a loyal man and I know he loves you well."

"Lord Tyland is a good friend," a soft smile appears on her little brother's handsome face.

"You don't sound convinced"

It takes Aegon another minute to reply.

“I don't want to disappoint you,” he finally admits, “Father has taken good care of the kingdom all these years. I would hate to see all his efforts come to naught on my own."

“Aegon, you could never disappoint us,” she assures him, “We are both very proud of you and your sister. We know that now that we will return to Dragonstone, you both will assume your duties with the best possible disposition and sense of responsibility. The realm is in good hands."

"Do you really have to go?" he asks, his voice denoting for the first time all the nervousness he feels, his face clearly anxious about the task he will have to take on shortly.

“My beloved boy,” she replies with a sigh, taking his hand, “I don't like leaving when you came back so recently, either. But the news was so unexpected and took us so by surprise that we just want…”

"Privacy?" he smiles, “It is fine, mother, I understand. Don't listen to me, I'm being selfish keeping you here when I should have insisted that you leave long ago. You deserve to live this moment as you choose."

Alyssa can't help but feel her tears well up in her eyes as she places her hand on her swollen belly, the baby moving inside her, perhaps sensing how emotional she feels.

"Is something wrong? Should I call Alys?" Aegon asks, noticing a wince on her face.

“No, no, I'm fine, it's normal to be this sore when the moment is so close,” she assures him, “I'm fine,” she repeats, noticing her brother's anxious expression.

And she is.

Discovering that she was with child had been a tremendous surprise. After her last loss in Harrenhal, her moon blood hadn't returned for months. And it hadn't flowed regularly until barely a year ago, though Alyssa had long ago given up hope of being a mother, so she hadn't even taken that fact into account. That was why, upon discovering her pregnancy, she had tried not to get her hopes up too much. But, as the months passed and the baby grew inside her, Alyssa had sent for Alys, immediately entrusting her old friend with the task of taking care of her during her miraculous pregnancy.

"I thought it was impossible," she had said with tears of happiness in her eyes upon seeing the woman after so many years.

"I told you that your body could heal," she had replied, examining her.

Aemond had not left her side for an instant since that moment. And she had had a hard time convincing him that she was fine and that she could carry on with her regular activities since Alys and Jaehaera would keep her company. He had reluctantly agreed, returning to his work with the Small Council.

“We should go to Dragonstone for a while after the baby is born,” he had told her one night a few weeks ago.

"Why?"

“We've waited so long for this,” Aemond had replied, “No, we didn't even imagine it could happen, but now that we'll have our baby after so many years, I want these moments to belong to just the two of us. Or the three of us. At least for a time"

Alyssa hadn't responded immediately.

"You do not like the idea?"

“I like it,” she admits, “But the kids…”

“They are already adults. Aegon is almost eighteen years old. It is time for him to assume his place as king. Besides, we won't be that far. If they need us, they can fly to the island without problem.”

"I guess," she nods.

The idea seems a bit selfish, yes, but the truth is that Alyssa can't wait any longer to meet the baby she's carrying inside. And to imagine that she could get away from the court, from her duties, from the whispers that followed her after so many years of infertility, and simply dedicate herself to watching her little one grow, together with Aemond, is too tempting an idea to pass.

"Let’s go then, for a time," she finally says, "the baby will need its siblings eventually."

"Of course," he smiles, "Besides, knowing those two, they'll surely visit us as soon as they can and we don't even have time to miss them."

Alyssa laughs, "You said the same thing when we sent Egg to Riverrun and he barely writes to us."

"He's young, my love, he must have other things on his mind," the prince kisses her forehead and places his hands on her belly, caressing it and smiling as he feels the baby move under his touch, "Besides, you could have flown with me when I offered it to you”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and doesn't respond. Dragon riding would never be an activity she would choose more than as a last resort. More than once Jaehaera had invited her to ride Morghul, but she had declined.

“I just hope they are okay once we are gone,” she sighs, “they haven't seen each other in years.”

The roar of a dragon and the shadow that casts over them tears Alyssa from her memories, bringing her to the present in the balcony with Aegon.

"Morghul," he says quietly, raising his violet eyes to the sky.

"Why didn't you go fly with Jaehaera?"

Aegon grimaces before shrugging again, "Lord Corlys wanted to talk to me about the situation of the royal fleet”

“Don't drown in your duties just yet, Egg. Aemond is still here, and it won't be long before we return from Dragonstone, you know he likes to feel useful to the realm," they both smile at her affirmation. “You could use some rest. You should take advantage of these days, and spend time with Jaehaera. When you were kids you couldn't wait to mount your dragons. And now that you are both riders, I haven't seen you fly together yet."

"Yes, I might do that"

Aegon sighs and Alyssa watches his expression, which seems to be lost for a few seconds. The princess wonders if her little brother is also worried about staying with Jaehaera in the castle. They had been very close as children, but learning about the war had created a kind of distance between them that Alyssa had thought they had managed to overcome over time. Until Aegon had had to go serve as squire and Jaehaera had resented being left behind.

"You don't have to marry Jaehaera if you don't want to"

"What?" Aegon watches her with wonder in his eyes, his shoulders tense and his brows furrowed once more.

“It's okay if you don't love her that way,” Alyssa explains, “I know it was expected for you to get married and carry on the tradition of our house, but we won't force a union that would make you both unhappy. If there's someone else, perhaps someone you met in the Riverlands,” Alyssa proposes tentatively, “If she's a noble young lady, you could easily make her your queen. Any maiden would be more than happy to marry you."

“And what would happen to Jaehaera?”

“She is a princess, she has royal blood, it would not be difficult to find a husband for her. I think there was talk at one time of betrothing her to the heir of Winterfell. She could… "

"No, no," Aegon cut her off sharply, "Jaehaera will be my wife, my queen."

Alyssa raises her eyebrows, amazed at the possessive, frightened tone she detects in Aegon's voice, "I just thought that…"

“Our feelings are not in question, mother. At least not mine,” he assures her, “It's just that meeting again has cost us a little more than I thought”

Alyssa nods and doesn't answer because suddenly the hooves of a horse hurtling through the castle gate catches her attention. Aegon averts his gaze from the princess, his eyes focusing on Jaehaera, who skillfully climbs down from the animal and adjusts her riding clothes.

The girl seems to sense their scrutiny because her gaze lifts to them, a half smile appearing on her face at the sight of Alyssa.

"Aunt!" she greets a moment later, after almost running to where they were, “What are you doing here? Alys said you should rest. You shouldn't have let her come up here, it could be dangerous,” her last sentence directed at Aegon, an impatient expression on her face as she crosses her arms.

"I didn't know she would get out of bed, I thought she was resting"

"How was your flight?" Alyssa interrupts when she notices that her niece wants to answer

“You know me, I'm always happy when I ride my dragon,” she replies with a genuine smile and Alyssa is amazed, once again, at how beautiful her little girl has become. Her eyes, as blue and long as her mother's, yet her face a feminine version of her father's, "I wasn't far from Dragonstone today."

“Sweetheart, try not to stray too far from the castle next time, it worries me in this weather…”

“No, auntie, please don't start scolding me,” she asks pouting and taking Alyssa’s hands, “Flying is my only refuge these days. I can't be embroidering and reading forever, and not all of us have obligations as noble and important as running a kingdom to keep our days busy."

“I never expressed myself that way,” Aegon replies, sighing.

“I'll go take a bath, I reek of dragon,” Jaehaera says, clearly ignoring him, “I'll see you at lunch.”

The girl kisses her aunt and quickly walks away from them.

***

"I'm frankly worried about those two"

Alyssa is sitting, like every night, on the windowsill. The sea breeze is her best ally now that labor is so close and her body seems to burn from the inside.

"We have to give them time"

Aemond, sitting across from her, strokes her belly gently.

"They don't seem to get along"

"Aegon is crazy about her," Aemond smiles, "He just doesn't know how to approach her."

“And what about Jaehaera? She seems upset every time I see her with him. I will not urge her to do her duty if she is not in love with him."

"Neither would I," her husband assures her, moving closer to Alyssa, "They deserve to know the joy of being married to someone they love, as we have known for almost fourteen years."

Alyssa smiles and reaches out to caress his face. Aemond closes his eye, and presses his face into her hand, a smile playing on his lips.

“It will be fine, being alone is going to force them to confront what they feel”

"Maybe, but..."

Alyssa stops talking as a sharp pain shoots up in her belly. Releasing a gasp of astonishment, she takes her hand to her lower back, trying to massage the area, but another pain as intense as the previous one seizes her again.

"Are you okay?"

“I think… I think you should call Alys. The baby is coming," she replies as she feels a liquid drip between her legs.

There is a moment of absolute silence between the two of them, who only look at each other, half surprised and nervous, before Aemond stands up and calls for the healer.

"Yes, the baby is coming," Alys pronounces a few minutes later, "It won't take long now, princess."

Alyssa clings to Aemond's arm to try to walk, too sore to just lie in bed. Her sweat drenches her nightgown and her messy hair falls down her back and clumps to her face, making her remember the scene so many years ago in Dragonstone, when she was assisting her mother during her labors.

"Is it true? Is the baby to be born tonight?"

Jaehaera is the first to enter the room, still dressed in her dinner clothes. Aegon enters after her a few seconds later.

"Mother, are you okay? They said that…"

He trails off as he watches Alyssa panting, one hand on her belly and one on Aemond's arm.

“Everything is fine,” it is Aemond who answers

“I wish to stay,” Jaehaera says, “I can help.”

“How would you help? You wouldn't know what to do,” Aegon replies.

“I am a woman, we know about these issues by instinct”

Aegon chuckles, “You're not even married, you'd be more of a nuisance. Come, let Alys and her midwives take care of it."

"No, I'll stay," and adds, "You're not the king yet, you don't have any authority over me."

"Enough!" Alyssa almost growls, “Jaehaera, my love, maybe it wouldn't do for you to stay. Births are not always easy. Aegon, take your sister outside and wait there. We'll call you once the baby is born."

Fortunately, they don't protest and leave the room. When they are alone again, Alyssa looks up at Aemond, with an I told you so look on her face, “See now what I mean?”

“It's just banter,” the prince replies, “They'll figure it out.”

"You'd better go to bed, princess," Alys urges her

And she's right because, a few minutes later, Alyssa is in more pain than she's ever known in her life before complete relief and hearing the most beautiful sound she could imagine, her baby crying.

“A girl,” Alys says, picking up a newborn who won't stop screaming and moving her arms and legs.

"Is she healthy?" asks Alyssa

"Is Alyssa alright?" asks Aemond in turn

“They are both very well,” Alys nods, handing the baby into the arms of the princess, who receives her too carefully, her hands slippery with her sweat and blood. The baby stops crying when she feels the contact with her mother’s skin, her eyes remaining open enough to notice her green eyes.

A sound of adoration escapes her throat before tears of happiness roll down her face, her fingers caressing the soft skin of her little girl. Alyssa raises her face to Aemond, who looks enthralled at the little girl, his face serious, but his eye denoting all the emotion he feels.

“Daena,” he whispers close to Alyssa's ear.

“Daena,” the princess confirms, repeating the name they had decided to give her baby just a few days ago, in case it was a girl.

"She is beautiful," Aemond sighs, "She is perfect, just like you."

Alyssa smiles and kisses the little girl's cheek before handing her over to one of her midwives to wash and wrap her up.

Aemond, unable to take his eye off the baby, waits impatiently until the little one is ready and receives her in his arms, cradling her as Alys helps his wife to her feet so the maids can change the bloodied sheets.

“You did a great job, princess,” the woman finally says, “You should rest now.”

“Thank you, Alys, for everything”

The healer nods and leaves the room with the midwives.

“I still can't believe it's real,” Alyssa comments as she feels Aemond sit next to her on the bed.

“She's our miracle baby,” Aemond says, stroking the baby's silver hair with his fingers, “Thank you, my love, you couldn't have given me a better gift.”

“I feel the same to you,” Alyssa replies, kissing her baby, feeling filled of love and adoration.

The noise of a couple of voices starting to get excited outside the door reach them, so they look at each other and sigh.

“I just hope she's not as a handful as that pair,” Aemond says, half amusement and half seriousness in his voice.

“Well, it will be many years before we get to know that,” Alyssa replies, “Now go, let them get in here before they kill each other. I want them to meet their sister."

Aemond places a soft kiss on both of their foreheads before opening the door and allowing the two kids to enter.

"Oh! She is adorable!" Jaehaera carefully climbs onto the bed, moving closer to Alyssa.

"Congratulations, mother," Aegon smiles as he watches the baby, "and you, father, of course."

Aemond smiles at Aegon and places his hand on his shoulder, patting it, “This is Daena. Your sister"

“Daena,” they almost chant, though Jaehaera smiles, “A beautiful name. I like it"

“I think so too,” Aegon turns away from the prince and stands behind Jaehaera, “I'll take good care of you, little Daena. And I will take you to explore the realm in Stormcloud’s back”

“Yes, but she will ride Morghul first,” Jaehaera replies.

"No, her first ride will be on the king's mount," Aegon looks at her with a smirk.

Jaehaera rolls her eyes, "My dragon is faster."

Aemond clears his throat, "Her first flight will be with her father, and Vhagar."

Alyssa sighs. She had agreed to fly to Dragonstone as it was faster and safer than crossing the sea during the storms they were experiencing. Besides, it was Aemond's dream to fly with his baby like his grandmother had done with his father, and she was not going to take away that illusion.

“You're right,” Jaehaera asserts, a blush rising on her cheeks, embarrassed, “I'm sorry, we're arguing like fools at this happy time. Can I hold her?”

"Of course," Alyssa places the baby carefully in her arms, "Be careful with her head”

“Hi Daena,” Jaehaera says, standing up and cradling her, her nose delighting in the baby scent emanating from her little sister, “I can't wait to have one of my own.”

Alyssa sees that Aemond frowns and wants to comment on his niece's words, so she takes his hand and shakes his head before pointing to Aegon, who has once approached Jaehaera and looks at her, entranced. Jaehaera, feeling her eyes, looks at him and smiles back, pulling Daena closer to the future king.

“You were right,” Alyssa says quietly when her husband returns to her side, “I think they'll figure it out on their own”

“Everything will be fine, my love.” Aemond hugs her and turns his gaze to her daughter. Alyssa rests her head on his shoulder and sighs, filled with relief and happiness to see her family reunited once more.

Yes, everything would be fine.

Because it had been for her and Aemond, and it would be for Jaehaera and Aegon.

And for Daena.

Everything would be just fine.

I have received such support from you guys this past few days!! Thank you so much for reading and giving me your impressions of my story <3

#aemond kinslayer #prince aemond #sinful desires #aemond targaryen #aemond x oc #aemond one eye #aemond x original female character #aemond fic #ao3fic #sinfuldesires #angst #drama

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aebi12 · 9 months

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Sinful Desires - Chapter 30 part II

Aemond knows he should be paying attention.

It is his duty, after all, to intervene and oversee that the decisions made by the small council and the nobles who have come to the city to formally sign peace benefit his regency and his nephew's future reign, but he couldn't find the subject less interesting right now.

No. Aemond, even if he tried, could not pay attention, so he delegates that responsibility to Velaryon and Lannister, who specify the terms of the agreement while the maesters scribble quickly on documents that surely will immortalize this moment for posterity.

And he couldn't care less.

Not when he hasn't been able to speak to Alyssa in two days, partly because she's been busy with her responsibilities to the wives and noble ladies of the court. And partly because he's afraid of whatever she's going to tell him.

Or what she will decide.

She can't just leave, he thinks trying to remain calm, She said herself that she loves you. She's just mad, it's just a matter of time and…

His hands open and close, his fingers flexing in a clear gesture of the anxiety he feels. From the panic that he has experienced since the night of the feast.

"It's your turn to sign, my prince"

A young maester hands him a quill and Aemond meets Lannister's eyes. The man nods letting him know that he can write his name in the document.

"And now war is finally over," announces Corlys Velaryon as Aemond puts down the quill.

A clearly festive atmosphere settles in the council room and the servants enter with glasses of wine for all to toast. Aemond discreetly joins in the celebration, sitting at one end of the room, toying with the porcelain sphere he has taken from the table.

"I received a raven from Oldtown this morning, my prince."

Tyland Lannister sits next to Aemond and hands him a glass of wine.

"Oldtown? Did we expect news from my relatives?”

The man’s face looks stunned at his words, "I imagined that the princess had informed you that your mother returned to her childhood home."

"No, I wasn't informed," he frowns.

“Princess Alyssa decided that it would be best for your mother to be…exiled to Oldtown. The dowager queen will be confined to a room in the castle, although she will enjoy of the essentials for her survival. The princess herself decreed that she would not be allowed to contact any member of the royal family, especially princess Jaehaera."

Aemond nods, not quite sure how to feel about this information. He hadn't thought of visiting his mother even when he believed she was still locked up in a dungeon in the Red Keep, his anger at her still very much present. Still, and even though he's aware that she deserved a worse punishment than she's received, he can't help but feel relieved that Alyssa decided to send her away from them.

One more thing to thank his beloved for.

“Should I dispose differently?” asks Lannister

"Not at all. If Alyssa decided so, so it shall be done. Excuse me"

Aemond stands up, throws the sphere on the table and exits the room leaving a sudden silence behind him, but not really caring about it.

The frustration, fear and anger that he experiences is about to overflow from within, and he can't let anyone, especially not the nobles of the realm, see how affected he is. So, he does what he did for years and channels his energy in the training yard, his sword his best ally as he challenges a couple of soldiers to try and keep up with him.

By the time he's disarmed the third soldier, his mind feels clearer than it did a while ago. The strength with which his heart beats from his physical exercise echoes in his ears and the sweat that runs through his body are sensations as pleasant as they are comforting.

"Well done, uncle, well done!"

Soft applause accompanied Jaehaera's sweet voice. Aemond turns and sees the children standing by their sleeping dragons in their cages.

The prince walks directly towards them, a half smile on his lips.

"That was incredible! I want to fight as well as you do, cousin,” Aegon says.

The emotion in his voice and the admiration with which he looks at him remind him of the way he used to see Criston Cole when he was a boy, entranced by the grace with which the knight fought. Nostalgia invades him when he thinks that this is the same training ground he learned everything he knew.

"Have you started training yet?"

“Ser Willis trains me sometimes,” he nods, “but I want you to do it. You are so much better than him."

“Don't let the lord commander hear you say that,” he replies trying to suppress a smirk, “The first lesson is to respect your instructor, understand?” Aegon is quick to nod, “Come on then, take one of the training swords. Let's see how much you've learned."

The boy runs to select one and Aemond kneels next to Jaehaera, "We won't be long."

The girl smiles at him and he places a kiss on her forehead before returning to Aegon, who has been fitted with a metal breastplate over his jacket by the master-at-arms.

“Plant your feet, don't spread your legs too far apart,” he points out, “Now, raise your sword, firmly. Attack me”

His nephew tries, without success.

Aemond spends the next half hour training Aegon, who gets frustrated a few times, but proves to have enough attitude to get up every time his cousin knocks him down, ready to continue learning.

“You have to keep practicing,” he tells him when the boy looks too tired to continue, “you won't become the best warrior in the kingdom overnight.”

"I guess not," he shrugs, "but you'll teach me, right?"

“Every day,” he assures her, “We will have time for you to…”

Aemond falls silent as the thought that this may not be true suddenly flashes through his mind. Maybe they won't have more time, not if Alyssa decides to take them to Dragonstone.

His gaze drifts to Jaehaera, who has enthusiastically followed the training from her place, to Aegon once more, who looks at him expectantly and confidently.

His cousin and his niece. But actually, more than that. They are his children. And he knows that he has said it many times, that he has referred to them as his family, but it is not until this moment that he realizes the true meaning of that word.

Because Aemond won't be able to have children of his own. And he hadn't lied to Alyssa when he said he wasn’t upset about the lack of heirs, but he hadn't understood -at that moment-everything it implied either. And it was partly because he was counting on being able to do with Aegon and Jaehaera the things he would have wanted his father to do with him, if Viserys had been interested.

“Let's go back to your rooms. It's cold and it's almost dinner time."

The children make no protest and each take Aemond's hand, moving down the halls together, whispering happily about their dragons, oblivious to the storm that is the prince's mind.

"Should I fix a plate for you too, my prince?" asks Daysi

"No, it is not necessary"

Aemond is content to watch them eat and laugh.

How many times has he seen a similar scene? Too many. But it is right now that he finally understands why Helaena enjoyed so much watching her children play. Or why Alyssa said that it gave her peace to see the children sleep.

But it is not only peace that he experiences, but also hopelessness.

Because there's a chance he won't be able to see them grow. That he doesn't get the chance to train with Aegon, to teach him to read or hunt. Because he might not be able to be there the first time Jaehaera rode her dragon or learned her first dances, like her mother had once done. Aemond might not be able to teach them High Valyrian, or tell them stories about the kingdom like the ones he enjoyed hearing when he was a child. Perhaps, he would miss all those moments. He would be a stranger in their eyes if they both went with Alyssa, away from him.

The thought makes his stomach clench, and as Aemond looks at the children once more he suddenly thinks of the babies Alyssa lost. His children. The ones whose death he felt, but for the first time caused him actual pain with their absence. Two children, two parts of Alyssa and him, who should be with them, but had been taken from them. Just as perhaps the chance to be a father through Aegon and Jaehaera would be taken from him. And Aemond hadn't realized how much he wished he could be a father figure to those two little ones.

The knot in his stomach rises to his throat, and he feels tears well in his eye as a stinging pain settles in his scar. Without saying goodbye to the children, Aemond leaves the room and goes to his own, walking directly to the jug of wine and pouring himself a glass. And then another, and one more.

The wine clouds his mind, but he's conscious enough when he decides to go to Alyssa's room and carelessly pushes the door open, entering unannounced.

“Aemond? What are you doing…?"

"Don't take them away from me, please"

Alyssa, who has been working on an embroidery, pushes her tools aside and stands up.

“Aegon and Jaehaera. They are also my family. I know I said…” he stops, his words beginning to mix in his mind, “They need you, I know, you are the mother they need. But I also want to be a father to them. Don't take them away, please."

"Aemond I don't..."

He interrupts her again, holding up his hand to stop her from talking, “I know I deserve it. I deserve to be punished, I behaved like an idiot… and I have been thinking too. I thought…I thought about our babies…you lost them because of me. My mother poisoned you because of me."

"That is not true"

"Yes. Yes, it is. You lost the opportunity to be a mother because of me, we both know it," his voice breaks, "And yet, you were merciful to my mother. Much more than someone in your place would be. You're always going to be better than everyone in this fucking place, Alyssa."

“Enough, please, I'm no better than anyone and I'm sick of you thinking that about me. I let Alicent go because it was the most convenient thing to do, not because I am some saint who only knows how to be pious”

"Yeah? Well, regardless of that, you're better than me. It's not that you're insufficient, Alyssa, it's that I am. I'm not enough for you, I don't deserve you. Only bad things have happened to you since you decided to give yourself to me that night."

"Aemond..." Alyssa sighs, trying to get closer to him.

"Have you thought about that?" he asks, drawling his words as he steps back, wanting to keep distance between them, but almost tripping as his body feels strangely light, his mind dizzy from the sudden movement, “Because I do. And yet I'm selfish enough to ask you to stay, to choose me… because I'm going to be lost without you and without the children. I will stay alone. And I deserve it, I know… I'm a murderer and a bad person, but I love you and I love those children. I really love them"

Aemond lets out a sob and Alyssa can't help but tear up when she sees him so broken.

"You are drunk," she says finally, walking over to him and taking his arm, "Come on, you need to rest, we are going to have a long day tomorrow."

Alyssa guides him to the bed and he doesn't resist, allowing her to help him off his boots and snuggling under the covers, Alyssa's perfume immediately relaxing him.

"Sleep, Aemond."

“Stay with me, please…” he murmurs, closing his eyes.

And she doesn't know if he's referring to that night or if he's talking about their future, she just manages to accompany him until he falls fast asleep.

***

When Aemond wakes up, it takes him a minute to recognize where he is.

"What the hell am I doing here?" he hoarsely asks more to himself, though there's no one in the room to answer him either.

Memories come to his mind little by little as he throws the covers aside and sits up in bed.

“Fuck,” he says as he puts on his boots and drinks some of the water on the nightstand.

His head still hurts, but not badly. More than anything he feels embarrassed for breaking into Alyssa's room so violently and saying things that would be too hard for him to admit in his sober mind. But they were things that she had to hear, things that he genuinely thought and that the alcohol had managed to rip out of him.

Aemond hurries out of the room and into his own, cleaning himself up as quickly as he can and putting on the fresh clothes the maids have left behind. Fortunately, it is not so late and it is a while until the ceremony where the lords of Westeros will swear allegiance to Aegon begins.

When Aemond is ready and reaches the throne room, he discovers that the princess is already there, wearing a beautiful dark red dress with black details that fit her figure perfectly and make him feel breathless.

“Everything is ready, my prince,” one of the maesters informs him, snapping him out of the bubble of adoration in which he had plunged.

He nods and goes over to his family, nodding to Alyssa, too embarrassed to make eye contact with her.

"Are you ready?" he asks Aegon, kneeling beside him

"I am, Lord Tyland explained to me what I must do"

"Good. It will be a long ceremony and everyone will be watching you, you will be our future king and today you must behave as such. Stand firm and watch everyone very carefully."

"Okay," he says with a sigh.

“Same to you, Jaehaera,” he looks at his niece, “As the future queen, this ceremony is also important to you.”

The girl smiles at him, and Aemond takes his place by the iron throne. The conqueror's crown is too large for his nephew's head, but it has been placed on a cushion beside him, symbolizing his position.

One by one the realm's noble lords and most important court officials file past Aegon, swearing loyalty and allegiance to his name.

His little nephew looks very solemn throughout the ceremony, which fills him with pride and satisfaction.

“Well done,” he congratulates, patting him on the back as they all start to head towards the hall where another feast will be held in Aegon's honor.

“It wasn't that bad,” he replies with a shrug and walking beside him, “I don't remember everyone's names anymore, though.”

“You will be able to remember their names when you are older. You will learn about the houses, their sigils, their history. And you will visit them. A king must be known by his subjects. You will travel the realm with Stormcloud”

"I would like that"

"Can I go with him?" asks Jaehaera, who has been walking quietly alongside them.

“Of course,” it is Alyssa who answers, taking Jaehaera's hand and intertwining their fingers, “You will be a dragon rider too. You can fly wherever you want."

Aemond smiles at her response and feels Alyssa's eyes on him. When their gazes meet, she seems to be watching him curiously and he can't quite understand what she's thinking.

The festive atmosphere in the hall manages to keep him entertained for a while, especially since Aegon and Jaehaera are by his side, asking questions and playing with their dragons. But, when the children leave, his good mood fades and the headache returns, so he prefers to go too.

But it is not to his rooms that his steps take him, but to the godswood.

Aemond finds it endearing to see the ancient heart tree surrounded by the pristine white of the snow that first fell on the city the night before. As it is too cold to be sited among its roots, he prefers to take refuge under the arches of the entrance, his gaze lost in the red of its leaves.

The smell of her perfume and the rustle of her dress against the tiles reaches him before her voice.

“Bored with the feast already?”

“I don't usually enjoy those events,” he replies without turning to look at her, “Too many people”

Alyssa moves to his side, though out of his line of vision.

A comfortable silence settles between the two of them, who watch as the snowflakes begin to fall once more.

“It is the first time I've seen snow,” the girl says, reaching out to try to touch it.

"Hmm. It's been a long summer,” he replies as he thinks of the only time he'd ever seen the castle covered in snow, when he was still a little boy. Of course, Alyssa would have no memory of that.

Once again, they fall silent, until Alyssa's presence is so disturbing to him, and he is so embarrassed by his behavior the other night, that he looks away from the snow and back at her.

“I'm sorry I was so impertinent last night. I shouldn't have bothered you in your rooms"

"No, probably not, but I liked that you did it"

"Really?" he looks at her in disbelief

Alyssa nods, “I liked some of the stuff I heard. It was great to learn about your real feeling for the kids. Sometimes…sometimes I got the feeling that maybe you conditioned yourself to love them because of me. Especially my little brother."

"That is not true"

"No, it is not. And I'm relieved that you consider them your family."

"They are. Aegon and Jaehaera are a part of me too, and I know I don't say it often, but I do care about them. I love them"

A smile spreads across her face, "And they are the ones who should hear it"

"You know it's not easy for me to admit those things"

“I am sorry I upset you so much with my suggestion of living in Dragonstone. It's not that I think that the kids don't need you. Of course they do. And if I'm honest, I think they prefer you over me."

“That's impossible,” he assures her and sighs, “However, I didn't mean for my words to pressure you into taking me back. That was not my intention, I had drunk more wine than was good for me and I ended up acting impulsively”

"Once again," she says with a smirk.

“Yeah, once again,” he admits.

Their eyes meet, and he gets frustrated that he can't figure out what she's thinking in that instant.

"How about you? Did you get bored of the feast too?”

"Oh yes," she nods vehemently, "I can't stand the ladies of the court another minute, so I delegated my responsibility to Rhaena."

“Are they that insufferable?”

Alyssa makes a half amused half exasperated face, “I have to admit you were right the other night. They won't stop talking about how handsome Cregan Stark is or how good a dancer Kermit Tully is."

"Don't you share their opinions?"

She shrugs, and to Aemond's surprise, chuckles. When he questions her with his gaze, raising his eyebrows, she explains, "It's just that I can't help but think that my mother considered marrying me to the those very same men who are at the feast right now." And she adds in an almost playful tone, "There were even debates to decide who would be the most adequate"

"And who was the winner?"

"Well, my brother Jace favored Lord Kermit."

Aemond snorts, remembering the smug Tully, "And who did you favor?"

"None of them," she sighs, "because at that moment my heart already belonged to someone else."

"To whom?" he asks, though he knows the answer

“Someone I used to meet in this very place many years ago,” she replies, her gaze flicking briefly to the weirwood before returning to him, “Someone I had recently met again and who captured my heart almost instantly.”

"A fool who let you go after that first night"

“We didn't have too many options at the time”

Alyssa takes a step toward him and Aemond, hopeful, does the same. There is so little distance between them that their noses almost touch, his breath mingling with hers, Alyssa's hand entwining their fingers.

"And now? Does your heart still belong to that fool?" ask in a small voice

"Yes, it does," she replies almost instantly, "and I hope it does forever."

He doesn't know who initiates the kiss, only that their lips meet in an avid sway that reflects the need and longing they both feel. Alyssa sighs his name against his mouth, and he places his hands on her face, feeling the trail of her tears, just as surely she feels the ones he is shedding himself.

When they separate, their faces remain joined, their breaths matching as he cradles her to his chest and she encircles his waist with her arms.

“Please, Alyssa, don't leave me. I'm so, so sorry, forgive me Alyssa, but don't leave me."

She places a finger over his lips to silence him. “Listen to me, please,” when he nods, she takes a deep breath and nods as well, “I accept your apology, but I need you to stop creating expectations of me. I am not perfect, I am far from it. I make mistakes. Many. And I don't need to feel that you resent me when I don't act as you expect”.

“I know, my love, believe me I know,” he assures her, “That was never my intention. I know it's not right, but you've always been special to me. From the first moment, since we began to meet each other here, you were my shelter. And you were... you are, my light. You make me a better person, you make me deserving of what I have. Without you, I am lost."

“That's not true,” denies Alyssa, “You are smart, bold, brave…”

"An impulsive jerk whose only virtue is know how to get into trouble"

She smiles, “Maybe. But you are a lot of good things too, Aemond. Don’t ever think otherwise"

"I don't deserve to be loved"

"Don't think that, please. I am sorry I blamed you for how I behave when we fight. You are not guilty of how insecure I have become or the fears that plague my mind, it was very unfair of me to blame you for that when many times you have been the reason why I kept fighting, my source of strength” She sighs, “You know I have been thinking about when we were kids? I didn't come here just for fun or to chat with my uncle," she smiles sadly, "I came because I felt safe with you, because I could escape the rumors at court, the scandals of my father and his squires, the feeling of being insufficient for not having a dragon. You were my shelter back then. And you were my shelter when your brother brought me back here, you were my ally and yes, I clung to you to survive, but even if none of that had happened, if our families had never clashed, I already loved you. In that sweet, childish way of a young girl, but it was always you."

"And for me it was always you too"

Alyssa wipes the tears that roll down her cheek and gives him a short kiss, barely a caress, "We have a horrible habit of constantly hurting each other, don't we?"

"It seems so, yeah"

“But I like to believe that we can be more than that,” Alyssa whispers, “At least, I want us to try to be more than that. I want us to be able to support each other, no more lies, no more resentment... just you and me. I am willing to try"

The question is unspoken, her green eyes bright in the moonlight, asking for an answer.

“I'm willing to try too,” he assures her, “Of course I want to try.”

"I'm sorry, Aemond, for everything"

"I'm sorry too, Alyssa."

“I know a lot of bad things happened to us, but I wouldn't change anything that happened between us. I choose you because I know we are worth it, Aemond."

"Will you stay here with me?" when she nods, the prince feels a huge weight leave his body, "Then I will make sure that every day of our lives you are convinced that it was the right choice."

"I'm counting on it"

***

The wedding takes place a month later.

Although, if she had allowed herself to be convinced by the prince words, they would have called a septon the same night of their reconciliation and they would have been married in front of the weirwood. Alyssa had strongly opposed that idea, reminding him that the Fortress was full of guests and it would be rude of them to just ignore the noble lords.

“I care very little for all of them,” the prince had assured, “I only need the children here. And maybe that annoying Stark to bear witness of our union"

Alyssa had only laughed because she felt the same way, but she knew they had to act appropriately. So they had left the godswood and physically killed nostalgia in her room, though they had kept up appearances before the court for the weeks that followed, each remaining in their own private chambers.

“You look beautiful, princess”

Enid finishes fixing her hair and helps her stand up to go to the mirror. A smile appears on her face as she notices how good she looks in the ivory dress with sapphire blue trim that she is wearing.

“An unusual combination,” Rhaena comments, helping her adjust the skirt.

“I thought it was the most appropriate,” she replies, thinking that it is the exact tone for the gemstone that Aemond wears in his eye. She had had the idea of using it for her wedding dress a long time ago and it had finally come true.

“Grandfather is waiting for you,” Rhaena says with a smile as well, “and surely Aemond will walk through that door if we take a moment longer.”

She rolls her eyes, but looks at herself once more before taking her cousin's hand and leaving her room.

In addition to Lord Corlys, Aegon is there, dressed all in black and gold.

“The day has finally come,” Corlys greets, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Shall we go?"

It had been her idea to allow her grandfather to escort her to the Sept in the city where the ceremony would take place. The cold would surely be a problem, but people needed a distraction to get through the harsh winter days, and a wedding provided just that. Besides, this way the High Septon would stop bothering them and could formalize theirs and the crown's union with the Faith once more.

The journey to the city is short, and suddenly she is walking behind her younger brother to enter the sept that is lit by thousands of candles and filled with the delicious smell of jasmine, where a clearly impatient Aemond awaits her along with Jaehaera, both also dressed in black.

Alyssa enjoys the look full of love, admiration and desire that he gives her. And she looks at him the same way as the man of faith joins their hands and has them recite the vows. As Aemond places his black cloak over her and kisses her forehead, Vhagar roars somewhere in the city, and Alyssa can't help but grin foolishly as the lords and ladies clap, and the common folk cheer, throwing flowers and chanting their names.

"If it were up to me," Aemond says when they're in the carriage, just the two of them, "we'd be on Vhagar’s back right now, going somewhere more... appropriate."

"Well, I am sorry, my lord husband, but we have a celebration to attend."

Aemond, to her surprise, smiles as he clasps their hands, "I like that."

"What?"

"You calling me husband"

"Well, get used to it, because now we are united before the gods and the kingdom," she giggles, "And your wife wants you to dance with her."

He winces, but when they're in the ballroom and the formalities are over, he offers his hand and leads her toward the dance floor.

"Do you know that Helaena once told me that you were a good dancer?"

"She did?" he growls, though he smiles. When she nods, he asks, “And have I lived up to your expectations?”

"Always"

Aemond smiles adoringly at her and whispers almost against her lips, “You look beautiful, my wife. I love you"

“I love you more,” she replies with a mischievous smile, and when he wants to protest, she kisses him.

And then the voices of the children reach them, running to hug their legs, amused and apparently fleeing from a nervous ser Willis Fell.

Aemond berates the children upon realizing this, but Aegon and Jaehaera just laugh, shrugging, and Alyssa laughs with them too.

Because she feels genuinely happy.

Because they are safe, because she has Aemond and their family.

And nothing else matters.

****

Lovely readers, thank you so much for being with me during this journey <3 This was the last chapter, though the epilogue will be posted soon!

#sinfuldesires #sinful desires #aemond kinslayer #aemond targaryen #aemond x original female character #ao3fic #aemond x oc #angst

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