#sleepthinks

[sleepthinks]

I wonder if other people with toxic/abusive parents have any similar stories/feelings.

My mother is/has always been emotionally manipulative and abusive and toxic. I guess that's part of bi-polar and a slew of other personality traits.

Because of this, my siblings and I have had fights/problems with her since childhood. My sister moved out and got her own job/apartment at 17. My brother decided at like 13 to move to the other side of the country to live with his dad. I couldn't get out until college and it was bad. (there's a 15 year age gap between my siblings and me. First marriage vs third)

Several times my siblings and I have tried to have a sit down conversation with my mother about her behavior and how she continues to make her own life (and ours) harder by the choices she makes. The way she acts. She never takes any responsibility and always gets super defensive and shuts down and it sucks. I've lost track of how many times we have done this cycle.

Because of this, my sister and I have decided that, for our own mental health, we can't continue to give our time/energy/emotional capacity to someone who won't accept responsibility or even agree there is an issue to change. The last year or so both my sister and I have stopped getting involved in her issues and stopped giving her attention when she tries to cause controversy and drama. If she had a problem (that she got herself into) we don't get involved, we don't offer advice or solutions or try to listen at all because it doesn't matter.

What always happens whenever she feels like her children are neglecting her, she gets sick or injured somehow. She always ends up in the hospital so one of us has to come and take care of her. And if we don't pity her or act sorry enough for her, she uses that as ammunition against us, proof that we are terrible children to her. She's always the victim.

It had been a few quiet weeks, where I hadn't gotten a mass group text from her or a call, and I thought, it's probably about time she gets sick again. And sure enough. On Monday she was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia.

The timing of this is extra suspicious/convenient because this weekend is my nieces engagement party that the whole family is supposed to attend. An event she isn't the center of or maybe isn't involved as much as she feels she should be. An event that if she went to, everyone would be expected to feel sorry for her and give her sympathy etc.

I guess that between the doctors and my siblings/niece that they decided she isn't going to go. Which means that I get to be the caretaker since my brother and sister are going to the event down in Texas.

I can't help but feel like this is EXACTLY what she wanted. I didn't give her enough attention or sympathy or whatever and now I HAVE to because shes sick and needy.

I am supposed to go visit her in the hospital after work and I'm already stressed and annoyed about it. I know I'm going to be in a bad mood and have to fake being sympathetic and she's going to ask a bunch of dumb questions I don't have an answer to and then she's going to say that I'm being rude to her and use that to try to make me feel bad or do more things for her idk.

Maybe I'm an asshole. Maybe I'm the worst ungrateful piece of shit child. Idk.

Anyone else have similar situations? How do you navigate it?

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

>I never have thought about Rome

Actually, you’ve been sleepthinking about Rome. Trust me, every night you sleepwalk to the computer, sleepdownload Rome: Total War, sleepplay it, and then sleepdelete it before sleepgoingbacktobed and you can believe this because as an anon I have no reason to sleeplie to you except for my own amusement, and I’m better than that. Also if you’re wondering you’re currently on the first expansion Barbarian Invasion which you don’t sleepthink is as good as the main game but it’s still pretty enjoyable.

Oh, thanks for sleepclearingthatup, anon! I totally sleepunderstand now!

…wait, doesn’t that mean I’m woke?

[ralph-with-coffee]

Clarity

get some sleepthink more clearlymake sure you eatthink more carefully 3.8.2024

[mango-dolphin]

sleepthinks said: you could make an actual competitive team like this- without doubling pokemon or items. use like m-glalie, electrode, maybe alolan golem? (idk what his deal is)                           

wait, so we can’t double pokemon or items in actual competitive? awww, the joke’s ruined...

but i really appreciate the pokemon u suggested, they’re All Explosive Circle Boys and that’s the most important part

[xosades]

sleepthinks replied to your photo: “Went shopping in Lakewood. Stopped at Target, Ross and Michaels....”:

Are you guys back in seattle then?

Well we don’t live in Seattle, more like 45ish minutes south, but we’re back in Washington after visiting Texas (:

[wordsfromherlife]

Before You Go to Sleep

Before You Go to Sleep

Send me that kiss like you doSing me my favorite songAnd pen me our love story in a proseBefore you go to sleepHold your pillow tightAnd your covers to your neckHug it as I used toThen give the universe my messageBefore you go to sleepHold tight my picture on your chestAnd don’t let goI will see you soon is my only promiseBefore you go to sleepThink about meAnd measure this loveBecause it keeps…

[bimbospace]

@sleepthinks @devidementia when did I become a binch to y'all???

[darkestknights]

Thank you @sleepthinks for typing me:

“hmm dark/fairy? Maybe grass/fairy because of that poison ivy cosplay. Dark because your name and fairy coz youre always fillin up my tumblr feed w gay shit and im 100% about it“

I like this a lot! I think I prefer dark/fairy over the grass/fairy though

[zekeandwendy]

Camp life got #EmmelineVirginia like 💤 #sleepeater #sleepthinker #sleeppraiser (at FOCUS Martha's Vineyard)

[theflyingmong]

I feel like i've been dreaming these few weeks Lucid autopilot always on Partly asleep in my brain Forgetting things, forgetting names A part of me sealed off To better the rest Sleepwalking Sleepworking Sleepthinking But sleep would be to forget the day But i see it all the time Kept alive by the need to live with no reason why Pulling me through day by day I can't stand it I can't stand doing anything If i think, i will quarantine All those thoughts and instead be here Locked with certain self security

[sleepthinks]

Had a bad dream that went on for a bit, and since dreams were why i made this blog in the first place, hopefully getting this out of my head and onto a post will resolve me of this burden.

The first dream last night i dont remember yet, but i know it was about high school and i was relieved to wake up and not have to go through it anymore

The second dream starts off with me going to a bridal shower with my stepmother (who ive been no contact with for nearly 20 years)

As we wait for the food to be ready (indian? I've never had indian irl) the host had a bag of assorted toys for me to look through (lego pieces and figures)

I happily went to sorting the lego pieces out (rather than have to see my stepmother) and the longer i went through the bag, the cooler stuff the host seemed to have. (old star wars lego mini figures including droids and aliens, THEN they had some rare, still in packaging power rangers figures, the whole OG set)

Each new discovery was better than the last so i HAD to keep digging. I didnt know the host (or her fiance) but with toys like these i have NO idea how she was connected to my stepmonster.

Eager to find the next hidden prize, i opened a bag they had stashed underneath their coffee table to find... Another bag? Kinda weird. But this second bag had multiple pockets and zippers. Inside the first pocket was a small tent rolled up? The second pocket had dark red leather gloves. The third pocket had some sort of metal attachment or armor of some kind? At this point i am thoroughly disturbed and have this awful dread setting in. I thought i was finding cool exciting treasures but the tone of the dream has changed and now i know ive come across something secret and dark.

I join the rest of the bridal shower at a dinner table as they line up to get scoops of indian food (again, idk how this is in my dream, i havent really had indian food irl)

Listening to the strangers around the table talk, i begin to suspect that the host and her fiance are into ttrpgs, things like Dungeons and Dragons, and they joke about going so far as wearing costumes, but the dread inside me grows deeper. Remember im being dragged along to this event by my stepmother, who is the type of Feisty-Christ-y that would consider things like D&D and Harry Potter to be witchcraft and therefore satanic and evil. Im so uncomfortable in the dream im dying to evaporate on the spot rather than be associated with this woman.

Just then, the host woman's fiance makes a surprise appearance (do grooms go to bridal showers? Idk) and as he's greeting the other women gathered there, his eyes scan over me and i instantly know he knows i know and he's PISSED

*Something happens here i dont quite remember. I think my first alarm goes off to wake me up and i smash snooze on that bitch*

Now in the dream I'm outside somewhere i do not recognize. I'm on a town street, with business buildings on either side. The side im on has a white building with blue trim and a sign on top that says "Biggest Lies." The building directly across from it has a red trim and sign that reads "Littlest Lies." In the dream it is known (by dream logic/knowledge) that these are government buildings. Next to the Biggest Lies building is a sort of petting zoo, but in place of animals the yard just has the melted wreckages of various different vehicles.

Searching around the wreckage sites i pick up a small hatchet, thats completely gold. Instead of a smooth, rounded handle, the hatchet has a groove down the grip, like something else is supposed to slot into it somehow.

Slowly cruising down through the street in between the buildings are several large cars, maybe on parade? They are decorated in signs and tinsel and flags. All of these cars/trucks are on large wheels and the drivers are men with cowboy hats and sunglasses and clean white suits.

I don't understand what this parade is about, like what political stance they are trying to exclaim, or what the reason for their celebration is, but i know that this hatchet is how i need to defend myself from these people.

I cross the street into a building next to the Littlest Lies building. Even though this building looks like a store front, once you get inside you are met with a solid, blank wall. Turning almost completely around i notice a small, narrow stairway that winds up and around itself leading up to a second floor. As i climb the stairs the wall has these large thin gold plates, almost like tapestries, stretching from floor to ceiling. These panels are engraved, but in a language i cant read.

The stairs lead up to the second floor landing with a room that's even smaller than the entryway on the first floor. This room has even more of the gold panels on the walls, but instead of being neatly spaced along the stairwell, they are plastered haphazardly all over the walls of the room. In the middle of the floor there is a small altar with dying candles in a circle on the floor. On top of this altar is a small, palm sized golden puck. Its like a small circle with smaller circles stacked on top, like a wedding cake, but could fit in your hand and is only 2-3 inches high. Obviously i pick up this mystical treasure, even though the room I'm in feels like a ritual space of a crazy person. The underside of this puck has a silver circle that feels almost magnetic. Making my way back down the stairs i throw the puck into the golden panels. The dream logic was if i could knock one of these panels off the wall, perhaps there would be a passage i could continue down rather than go back outside to the parade of hostile people.

Having no luck and nowhere else to go, i have to return to the street parade that is now even more agitated. They've set some more of their cars on fire, leaving more melted carcasses along the street.

Fearing for my life, but also afraid that these people will take the hatchet or golden puck from me, i grip the small relic tight and the pointed end digs into my palm. Like a spring loaded toilet paper holder, the object pushes back against my grip and then extends way out, creating a nearly meter long rod thats end is now a sharp point. Like the hatchet, this rod also has an uneven shaft, like it's been split in two and has another piece that would slide into it.

Using my new spear-like weapon, i start stabbing the tires of the remaining cars in the parade. The strange people were aggravated before, and now they are murderous. Not willing to go down without a fight, i brandish both of my golden weapons at the crowd closing in around me.

*my alarm goes off again. I've been saved from this nightmare but my mind is still fully pulled back into the dream, this cycle repeats several times, with a different reality each time*

Eventually I'm back at the bridal party but this time I'm separated from the women from earlier and on the opposite side of the house. The groom from before- (lets give him a name. Ivan? Ivan sounds like a murderer right?) - ivan has recruited three of his friends to show up and these men are confronting me with the same murderous intent of the crowd from the parade. I discover the truth: Ivan has a sinister power, to transport his group into the different realities they play "D&D" in. But his group is sadistic and cruel and any dimension they move to they treat horribly. They murder and rob everyone they come across because they know in their own world they wont face consequences. But now that i know their secret, they cant let me leave and risk that i would expose them as the awful people they are. One of Ivan's buddies seems to hesitate about murdering a child. (lets give this guy a name too. Don? Don seems fine.) Ivan reaches out and places a hand on Don's shoulder. Still glaring at me, he whispers his spell and shoves his friend to the side. Don's eyes roll to the back of his head as he screams and falls to his knees. Before he can hit the ground, his body disappates into whatever dimension Ivan called him to.

Frantic again I turn and run, but im stuck in a house im unfamiliar with and im outnumbered. Panicking as i move through the hallway, I'm holding onto the wall to keep my scared self from falling. As i round a corner, the wall i was clutching splinters apart and I'm left holding a new relic. This one is long and wooden, with a wide, curved end like the stock of a rifle. Unfortunately the other end doesnt have a gun, it just ends with the same notched grooves that the previous weapons had. WHAT am i supposed to slot into these??

I don't remember what happened next. At one point i find another wooden piece that threads onto the wooden stock like a silencer/barrel, but theres still no actual gun pieces.

Eventually my final alarm goes off and i have to drag myself to work. But all morning i cant shake the feelings of dread and fear that were so strong in the dreams

[altomareslatios]

I have a question about mystery dungeon: when you’re going through dungeons, do you try to find the stairs on each floor as quickly as possible? Or is there any benefit to exploring each floor?

—

personally, i often try to find the stairs ASAP provided i have nothing that i’m really searching for (i usually depart on missions almost fully stocked with apples, elixirs, reviver seeds, orbs etc); on the early floors i’ll often explore more to get emeras for my looplets but from about the 2nd floor on for shorter dungeons, or 4th floor on for longer ones, i’ll just start stair searching to help conserve supplies and PP for moves

of course this isn’t really a guideline, moreso my personal way of going about dungeons!

[xosades]

sleepthinks replied to your photo: “Today is an expensive Seattle day. Hahaha. But it’s so fun.”:

Oh no! Crab pot! A coworker took me there like 2 weekends ago. It was good but not $140 good! Did Ry eat any of the seafood?

He DEVOURED the crab. It was hilarious. He ate so much of everything on the table haha.

[pansylair]

hey! it's me, alan. I super love your art. like a lot. but i feel bad because the only character I know is Alan.. who are the others?

hello again and thank you, friend!! and no need to to feel bad. i have a little doodle/list of the gang on hand to solve this problem!

[bimbospace]

@sleepthinks I need someone to bash my brains in before I drive 16 hours tomorrow 🤷‍♂️

[darkestknights]

@sleepthinks you can have them