#slept in way late n missed the rewatch

[holyscrap]

also missing adam barton n his epic friendship with aaron dingle on this day :(((((

[m4r13l3y]

Lover boy

Harry James Potter x Reader 

Y/n looks back at the times she spent at hogwarts with harry while a record plays

The dates/memories are out of order

Warnings; Fluff, Sad kinda, Cursing  

Masterlist

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I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things We can do the tango just for two 

While horcrux hunting, after Ron left and the night Hermione went to find him Harry and you were alone 

The two of you sitting on the small bed, your head on his shoulder, holding hands. Hoping that you wouldn’t die any time soon 

A song came up in the radio, he stood up to turn the music higher and came back with his hand held out 

You took his hand with a small smile as his arms wrapped around your waist. The two of you danced with no worries, the war was the last thing on your minds, only caring to not mess up the steps 

“I love you harry” you whispered into his chest, “I love you more, y/n” he replied 

I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings Be your Valentino just for you 

Valentines day 1997, 

Even though Harry seemed to be obsessed with that weird potions book, he was also obsessed with you, and his Valentines day gift was going to prove it

You were sitting at the black lake, reading a book with hermione while eating some valentines day chocolates 

“Did Ron get you anything?” You asked, “No” she flipped the page of her book 

“Did harry get you anything?” She asked, “Not that I can think of-” Your voice cut out with voices of the two boys running towards you 

“Hello Y/n” Harry smirked with his hands behind his back, hiding something “Hi harry” you giggle as the two sat down 

Harry pulled out a guitar as he played some notes before asking “Will you go on a valentines day date with me” 

You threw yourself into his arms “Oh harry” you giggled “Ofcourse I would” 

Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?

You walked down the common room stairs, a pretty red dress that ended mid thigh with doc martens and red lipstick 

Harry’s jaw was on the floor, looking at you in awe. He always knew you were beautiful, but tonight you looked ethereal 

“You look-” He tried to find the words “Beautiful” Hermione smiled 

You gave him a hug, as hermione took out a muggle camera “Here you two smile” 

“1..2..3..” click 

“Be good” hermione waved goodbye

When you two came back harry’s face was filled with red kiss marks all over 

Set my alarm, turn on my charm

“Fuck” you groaned trying to turn off the alarm that’d been going on for 5 minutes now 

8:30

“Harry!” You tugged his shoulder “Wh- what” he stood up shocked 

“We’re going to be late” You hurried up to get your tie and skirt on, “Shit” he stood up to find his pants that were discarded somewhere around your room 

“Accio tie-” “Accio tie-” The two of you said at the same time, with a giggle the two of you put on your ties, “I never get how to do this” You shrugged trying to un-knot the fabric

“here” He chuckled, fixing your appearance and kissing your forehead after “Now let’s go” 

The two of you ran down the hogwarts halls holding hands to find potions 

“Come on” You pulled him into the class, “Ah miss Y/L/N oh- and Harry!” slughorn smiled “Don’t be late again come on in” 

Ooh, let me feel your heartbeat (Grow faster, faster) Ooh, ooh, can you feel my love heat?

4th year, 

“willyougoonadatewithme” he muttered quickly, looking everywhere but at you

 “What” you giggled, he took a deep sigh “Will you go on a date with me Y/N” 

“Ofcourse I will harry” you stepped up and put a hand on his chest, kissing his cheek “Why is your heartbeat so fast?”

“I was nervous” He chuckled 

That week you and harry made front page;

Tri-wizard champion Harry Potter out on a date with not-so-mystery girl: Y/N Y/L/N, how do the lovers feel knowing one of them could get ultimately hurt by the end of this contest

“Shes so annoying” you groaned “howd she even see us?”

I'd like for you and I to go romancing Say the word, your wish is my command

7th year, 

“Apparate” You whispered, your body swirling around until it stopped. Opening your eyes again you saw muggle london 

It was a saturday afternoon and you decided to take harry to your favorite place since you finally passed the apparation test 

“Come on” You smiled walking with him, “Where are we going?” He asked, holding your hand tightly 

“Walking Harry, I like to walk” you stopped to look at him, he kissed your forehead “You’re weird” 

The two of you walked in and out of big buildings, ate at a muggle cafe you always loved, and now were sitting at some bench in the subway 

“Thank you for coming with me” You whispered, 

“I’d go anywhere with you” he took your hand

“I love you” he held your waist and kissed you “I love you too Harry” 

Write my letter Feel much better

Dear Y/N, 

This summer has been the worst, you’ve been the only one to write me (Which is okay ofcourse I love you haha dont get mad), but I am at the headquarters for Order of the Phoenix. I miss you dearly and I hope to see you soon, I know you’re coming tomorrow, but I am still very impatient. I love you. 

Yours always, 

Harry 

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Dear Harry, 

I miss you more, I know I was the only one to write. Hopefully you’ve found out why by now. I won’t write much since it’s better said in real face to face, and I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you

Yours, 

Y/N <3

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And use my fancy patter on the telephone

Fourth year summer, 

“HELLO” You heard a voice you recognized as rons yell through the phone “Hello ron” 

“IS- IS THIS Y/N?” he yell-asked, “Yes Ron it’s y/n” you giggled “Don’t yell I hear you perfectly when you speak normal” 

“Oh Oh okay that’s much better” He sighed “Here’s harry” 

“Hello” You smiled to the phone “Hey y/n” he replied “How are you?”

“I’m well how are you?” 

“Perfect I’ve never actually used a phone before it’s pretty cool” he chuckled

The two of you talked for hours on end, until you heard Molly yell that it was time for dinner

The rest of the summer, before the quidditch world cup, the two of you talked almost every day until you finally saw him again 

When I'm not with you Think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights) I miss you

It was the summer,

He kept rewatching a picture of the two of you in the room of requirments, before it was destroyed, on the floor. Your head on his shoulder as you two slept after a DADA class

Harry hadn’t seen you since the last day at school after the ministry attack and it was killing him. Were you safe? Did you eat today? Had you not forgotten to drink water? 

It was killing him to know neither of you could send letters to eachother, even if it was for your safety

Sitting in some cafe you had taken him too in the subway his mind running thousand miles per hour with thoughts of you, he saw dumbledore outside 

Hey, boy, where do you get it from? Hey, boy, where did you go?

“Where’s the kid” You hugged tonks 

“Here” Remus came from behind his son, Teddy Lupin, “Oh you are so cute!” You took him into your arms 

“Harry look” you walked to him and sat on the couch, the little brown haired boy giggling 

“We wanted to tell you guys something” Remus and Tonks walked up to you guys “We want you guys to be the godparents” 

You and Harry’s eyes went wide at the news “really!?”

Tonks nodded in excitement

“I would love to” You gave harry the kid and gave the two adults big hugs “Thank you”

Everything's all right

“Harry” you whispered into your hug, hugging him like you’d loose him at any second. Dumbledore had just died, you found harry limping back to the castle 

“Harry” You whispered again, he hummed in response, his grip on your waist becoming harder “i love you” harry whispered lowly “I love you more harry” 

Just hold on tight

“Harry Potter Is Dead!” you heard the man yell as all the death eaters behind him erupted in laughter 

You almost fainted, he was dead. Your soulmate, the boy you’ve loved your whole life. Harry Potter was dead 

The dark lords speech went in a blur, your mind couldn’t focus as all you thought was about Harry 

Neville took out the sword as harry woke up again and soon everyone was throwing jinx after jinx 

You needed to find harry, you left the great hall to see he and voldemort in a fight

Neville killed Nagini and Harry won 

Light won 

“Harry” You cried, He ran to you “Y/n” 

“We won” a ghostly smile crept on your face, “We won.” he replied pulling away 

“I almost lost you and I can’t bare the thought of you not knowing how much I love you” he pulled out a little box “You are my soulmate and I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you-” the box opened “I wanted to do this before the war” He chuckled, but got on one knee “Will you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N Marry me please?”

“Harry ofcourse” You smiled, indulging him in a hug and kiss looking at the ring that looked beautiful on your finger

That's because I'm a good old-fashioned (fashioned) loverboy

The song ended and you were brough back to reality, everyone was dancing as Fred was fighting with someone for the mic

“What were you thinking about” Harry looked at you 

“Our story” you held onto his neck and kissed him, kissed him to show that it was all worth it, you two finally got your happy ending and now you’d just finished getting married

“Now” Fred took the microphone “Time for fireworks” 

Everyone looked up to see a picture of you and harry kissing, with the initals H.P+Y/I in a heart 

You took teddy into your arms and laid him on your waist as he giggled looking up

“I love you Harry” you leaned your head on his shoulder “I love you too, Y/n”

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Taglist;

@wonderfilworld​ 

To be added to my taglist click here <3

[superleafygamer]

Here’s a Carly and Sam friendship analysis because I was bored

Okay so Carly and Sam are the best iCarly characters in my opinion. I’m obsessed with them so I’ll be analyzing their friendship. Let’s begin from, well, the beginning, because that’s the most convenient place to start an analysis.

Carly and Sam first met when they were in third grade. They became friends fighting over a sandwich, which is amazing, honestly. Sam originally had pushed Carly over in this moment, but from that point on, Sam has never done any physical harm to Carly since then. This shows that Sam genuinely cares about Carly, considering Sam beats everyone up. The two became best friends since that day, and have stayed together ever since. They hang out after school, get smoothies, and they even created a webshow together; iCarly.

This friendship is a perfect example of the saying “opposites attract,” as Carly and Sam are polar opposites. Carly is sweet, hardworking, and empathetic. Meanwhile Sam is lazy, unruly, and overall a jerk. Yet somehow, Carly and Sam seem perfect for each other. In fact, they even use their differences to help each other out sometimes. Sam defends Carly from bullies, Carly helps Sam stay out of juvie, etc. I’m going to further elaborate on those two examples specifically.

Sam is kind of like Carly’s personal bodyguard. Whenever someone is a jerk to Carly, or if they make her uncomfortable, Sam is quick to get at their throats and make sure they stop. Only with Carly’s permission, of course. Speaking of which, Carly is in some sort of position of power when it comes to Sam. Sam will ONLY listen to Carly, and nobody else. When Sam does something that Carly doesn��t approve of, Carly scolds her. Usually if someone told Sam to stop doing something, she would continue to do said thing out of spite. But when Carly is the one calling her out, Sam becomes immensely guilty, and then stops what she was doing. Carly doesn’t have to say much for Sam to get the idea that she’s disappointed in her actions, as she normally could just say “Sam” in a disapproving tone, and Sam would know exactly what she’s done. Carly is kind of like Sam’s moral compass; Sam can tell if she’s doing something right or wrong based on Carly’s reaction. This helps her out in the long run, due to Carly preventing her from doing anything too bad and going to juvie.

Moving on, anyone who watches the show can easily tell that Carly and Sam are very affectionate towards each other. They cuddle, give each other advice, and comfort each other when they’re upset. Carly seems to prefer physical affection from Sam, and Sam seems to prefer emotional affection from Carly, but they still appreciate both forms of affection. When Carly’s stressed out, she usually calms down by fidgeting with Sam’s hair or shoelaces, as Carly tends to feel most comfortable with someone to rely on when she’s upset. Sam allows her to do this with no complaints, and often hugs Carly to cheer her up. Then when Sam’s upset, she’s soothed by Carly’s voice in particular. She looks for comfort in what Carly has to say, and wants to be alone with her to hear every word of it. Carly makes a pretty good therapist.

When one of them notices that the other is upset, cheering them up becomes their top priority. Like in the episode “iSam’s Mom,” Carly pretends to have a panic attack in order to make Sam and her mother get along in therapy. Carly knows Sam would do anything to help her out, which is true, so Carly’s plan works. Sam notices Carly’s discomfort, and instantly gets defensive of her, so she proceeds to swiftly make amends with her mother so they can get Carly out of there. On the other hand, in the episode “iOwe You,” Sam breaks down to Carly about how much she hates her job. The reason Sam had the job in the first place was to pay back Carly(and Freddie) for all the money she owed them. But Carly encouraged Sam to quit because it was stressing her out, rather than telling her to keep the job because she wanted her money back. Sam’s happiness is a big priority to Carly, and Carly didn’t want to get the money back in this way if it meant seeing Sam this upset. Carly and Sam are always looking out for each other, and I think that’s adorable.

There are other little details that show how strong their friendship is, too, like how Sam hangs around in Carly’s apartment, with Carly even allowing her to stay the night on multiple occasions. Sam’s mom doesn’t feed her, so Carly often provides Sam with food, and openly allows her to dig into her fridge whenever she feels like it. Carly becomes somewhat motherly in a way when Sam is over, and makes her feel at home. Sam and Carly practically live together, considering the amount of time Sam spends in Carly’s apartment every day and the fact that Sam sleeps over occasionally. It’s also heavily implied that Carly and Sam have slept together in Carly’s room from time to time, because you can see them heading upstairs together when it’s getting late. They don’t seem opposed to sleeping together either, because in the episode “iGo To Japan,” Carly and Sam share a bed with no complaints or hesitation.

Carly and Sam’s friendship shines the brightest during their webshow. Carly’s the host, and Sam’s the cohost. They do everything on there together, and that’s how they like it. iCarly is a huge priority to the two of them, and it gives them more time to hang out after school. Carly and Sam do various skits on iCarly, with the most common example being “The Cowboy and the Idiot Farm Girl Who Thought the Cowboy’s Mustache Was a Squirrel.” They enjoy participating in these, and have a lot of fun brainstorming for the skits too. They’ve been webcasting weekly, except for one time in the episode “iWon’t Cancel the Show.” Sam gets arrested in this episode, which leaves Carly all alone. Carly is deeply upset about this, and doesn’t know how she’s going to do the episode without Sam, as she’s a big part of the show. Carly ends up webcasting with her older brother Spencer as the cohost, but you can tell Carly still misses Sam, especially in the Cowboy & Farm Girl skit, when Spencer fills in as the Cowboy. Once Sam comes back though, everything goes back to normal, and the two are happier than ever.

Now, this paragraph is where things get a bit more headcanon-y. Many people have pointed out that throughout the series, it seems like Sam has a crush on Carly. And honestly? I can see it. It’s a cute thought, and there are a lot of details in the show that support this. One example is Sam’s treatment towards Freddie. Freddie is Carly and Sam’s friend, who records their show. Freddie has a massive crush on Carly, and is very open about it. Sam always gets frustrated when Freddie mentions his crush, and she constantly tries to discourage him from getting his hopes up. Carly gets uncomfortable with Freddie mentioning his crush on her sometimes, so Sam beating up Freddie all the time could be seen as her defending Carly from him. Sam also possibly sees Freddie as a threat to her chances of being with Carly, so Sam’s abuse towards Freddie is probably her way of saying “back off, she’s mine.” There are also some tinier examples of Sam’s crush on Carly. These examples include Sam using various nicknames on Carly(one of them being Cupcake, which Sam used on one of her previous boyfriends frequently), Sam refusing to do anything violent to Carly despite her violent tendencies(as I’ve mentioned before), etc. But the crush thing is just a theory, and it could be nothing. Who knows.

Finally, the ending of iCarly. In the final episode “iGoodbye,” Carly’s father comes back home temporarily, before having to return to the military in Italy. Carly’s given the chance to move there with him, because he’s missed most of her childhood. You can see how upset this makes her, because she’d have to leave her whole life behind. Carly hesitantly makes the decision to go with her dad, and ends iCarly with Sam. Well, they ended it, but not really. They put it on a hiatus, with no set time for when it would be back. After this, Carly starts to get ready to leave. In past episodes when there was a threat of Carly leaving, Sam became defensive and tried her best to get Carly to stay. But this time, she knew this was the best for Carly, so she let her go. Not to say it was an easy decision, because it wasn’t. At all. Soon after Carly said her goodbyes to Spencer, Gibby, and Freddie, Sam got in the elevator with her as they left the building. She gave Carly her iconic blue remote used in iCarly, for whenever Carly needed a laugh. They said their goodbyes, and hugged each other one last time, before Carly left to get on the plane with her dad. On the plane, Carly began to rewatch every episode of iCarly on her laptop. She would miss the good times she spent with Sam, Freddie, Gibby, and Spencer, but we left this scene with Carly moving on. As Carly watched more and more episodes, she seemed to get happier and happier looking back on it all. She looked like she was ready for a new chapter of her life, and good for her, honestly. The other ending scene we got was of Sam riding her new motorcycle. Her expression was blank, like she was suppressing any emotion after the heartbreak of saying goodbye to Carly, after eight years of knowing each other. But she seemed at least slightly willing to move on the last time we saw her, as she nyoomed away on the motorcycle. And they did end up moving on, as painful as it is for me to admit. I want them to stay together😔

“iGoodbye” was the last time we saw the two together, since Carly moved to Italy, and the show ended. There’s going to be an iCarly reboot in the future, but Sam won’t be in it, so I guess Carly and Sam will never see each other again. I think I know what excuse they’re going to make for this, they’re probably just gonna say Sam moved away to live with her new best friend Cat, who is THE WORST. I would rant about how much I hate Cat and the fact that Nickelodeon completely destroyed Sam’s characterization to pair the two up, but that’s another story for another day. This is a Carly and Sam friendship analysis, not “watch Leafy cry as she talks about why ‘Sam & Cat’ is a horrible show and doesn’t deserve to exist.” I prefer to ignore the show’s existence so we’re swiftly moving on. Carly is supposedly supposed to get a new best friend in the reboot too which also makes me immensely upset, but I need to stop ranting about how much I dislike the idea of Carly and Sam making new friends, so let’s ✨not✨. I’m getting a bit off track here, so back to where I left off. Carly and Sam may not be seeing each other anymore after Carly moved to Italy, but I like to think they still communicate from time to time. Calls, texts, facetimes, etc. Their friendship was too good to just let go, and I’ve gotten very attached to them as you can tell. So I hope they’re still friends, even at a long distance🥺🥺🥺

In summary: Carly and Sam’s friendship in iCarly is ADORABLE and I absolutely love them with all of my heart, and I hope you do too. Also if you read this, you’re such a pro. You know who you are 👊😎

[heyyyharry]

Harry suggests they watch Fifty Shades of Grey together

(a blurb from the Flatmate Series / pre-relationship)

Word count: 2.6k

Warning: heavy sexual tension and mention of smut, but also a lot of fluff. 

Yes, I had to rewatch the film and fast-forward to the sex scenes to write in such details lmao. This is my favourite flatmate blurb at the moment 😂

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“Let’s watch Fifty Shades of Grey tonight.”

Y/N widened her eyes at Harry. She thought he was joking, but as he entered the title onto Netflix, she snatched the remote from his hand immediately.

“It’s my turn to pick the movie,” she said, making him scoff.

“No, it’s my turn. You picked the movie for two weeks in a row because last week I couldn’t decide between Coraline and Corpse Bride, remember?”

Y/N huffed as she gave the remote back to him. She wasn’t into the idea at all, but she was curious to know why he insisted on picking this one and not one of those ‘everyone’s favourite’ movies that he would normally pick.

“Harry.”

“What?”

“Isn’t this movie about sex?” Y/N muttered as her cheeks turned pink. Fortunately, her flatmate was looking at the screen.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “It’s not like porn though. Don’t worry.”

“Have you watched it before?”

“No, but everyone says it’s bad.”

“Then why do you wanna watch it? Let’s put on something good! Something with Timothée Chalamet!”

“I’m tired of Timothée Chalamet!”

“No one is tired of Timothée Chalamet! You suck!”

Harry stopped before he was about to press play and turned to her, raising his eyebrows. “Well, you can watch your Timmy when you’re alone. Tonight we’re watching this terrible movie for a change. It’s gonna be fun.”

Y/N tossed her head back as she groaned. “You’re making me watch this because I said no to watching porn with you!”

“Not true! Don’t disrespect porn like that!” He scoffed. “Porn makes you horny, this will be like a nice little comedy. I mean, the books are shit on paper, this should be worse.”

“You’ve read the books?”

“I’ve read one chapter. I was a curious horny teenager, don’t judge me.”

“All right then.” She sighed and let him press play. “If it gets weird, we’re turning it off.”

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The movie turned out to be more entertaining than they had expected, especially when they had unintentionally started a competition to see who could point out more mistakes. Harry was definitely winning, but Y/N didn’t mind. She was in hysterics as he kept throwing in random comments about every single scene.

“Why does she keep biting her lip? What’s wrong with her lip?”

“Did he fucking track her phone?! This guy’s a stalker!”

“Never get too drunk when you go out, Y/N. I don’t want you to end up in some creep’s...sex dungeon!”

But when came the first sex scene, Harry was as quiet as a mouse. He had expected it to be ridiculously unrealistic like the whole idea of the story, but this scene was actually kind of...hot?

Y/N didn’t even notice his sudden silence. Her eyes were fixed on the screen and he had to steal a glance at her when Christian laid a naked Ana down on the bed and started eating her out.

Y/N was nibbling on her lip. Even though she didn’t show much from her facial expression, seeing the way she switched to a different sitting position with her legs crossed, Harry assumed the scene was doing something to her too. For some reason, watching two characters fucking turned him on less than watching his flatmate squirming because of it.

He assumed this would have been fun to watch with his friends, but was definitely a terrible choice for a movie night with his crush. Now he couldn’t help but imagine himself making love to her like that. It must have been a long time since she slept with someone. If only he could show her what she’d been missing and made her feel so good she wouldn’t wish to be with anyone else. Even that stupid actor Timothée Chalamet.

“That was...something.” Y/N released a sharp breath once the scene was over and turned to smile at Harry.

He smiled back, wanting to throw in a joke to clear the tension but his mind was completely blank at this point. They were only forty-five minutes in. He wasn’t sure if he could get through two hours without at least an erection. God, he was so fucking screwed.

“She’s got a nice little butt,” Y/N said as the actress stood fully naked with her back to the mirror. He supposed she wanted to make this less awkward for them, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about her butt.

“You’ve got a nice butt too.” He nudged her with his shoulder and she slapped him on the arm.

“You’ve never seen my butt!” Then her mouth fell open. “Have you?!”

“No! It was just a guess!” I wish I had though, he thought as Y/N pushed his face away and looked back at the screen.

The next sex scene came right after. Harry almost cursed out loud when Christian tied Ana’s wrists together with a tie, thank God the mum showed up and interrupted the couple before they fucked again. Y/N burst out laughing, and he did too, but out of relief.

He prayed his dick would just stay calm until the credits started rolling. If only it wasn’t so fucking sensitive! Look what you’ve done to yourself, dumbass. You should’ve gone with Timothée Chalamet.

“Who wrote these dialogues? Oh my god!” Y/N giggled as the characters started talking again.

“If you agree to do this, you’re gonna want your own room.”

“Why? Because I’ll be your sex slave?”

“Take me as your sex slave, Christian. I want a bigger room!” Harry joked, making Y/N guffaw as she put her head on his shoulder.

Harry’s laughter died down as his limbs went stiff. He didn’t want to move, afraid that she might pull away and he might never have another moment like this.

“Which one is yours?” Ana asked as she and Christian walked into his garage.

“All of them,” the guy answered, making Harry cackle.

“That’s gonna be me one day,” he said and nodded his head towards the screen. “I’m gonna be a sexy boss who owns ten expensive cars and a place like that. Minus the sex dungeon, of course.”

“I could see you having a sex dungeon though.”

“I already have one.” He turned around and pointed to his bedroom. “Wanna see it after the movie?”

The joke got him a smack on the leg as Y/N shot him a glare. “Anyway,” she breathed. “If you’re gonna be that rich, at least give me a ride in one of your expensive cars.”

“Would I still be hanging out with you then?” He playfully arched an eyebrow, making her laugh softly.

“Oh, you would beg to hang out with me,” she said with her head still on his shoulder. At this point, neither of them was paying attention to the movie.

“Wanna hear how I imagine our future?”

Harry pursed his lips as he gave a nod. “Sure, tell me.”

“Okay.” She jolted right up and turned to face him, putting her elbow on the backrest and her head against her knuckles. “It’s ten years from now, yeah? Say you’re a CEO living in a big mansion. You’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted, but you are so lonely because you don’t wanna fall in love and settle down.”

Harry rolled his eyes, laughing slightly as she gripped his shoulder to make sure he was still listening.

“One day, while walking around your rose garden, you start thinking about the good old days when you were in college and shared a flat with a lovely girl. Oh, where is she now? you wonder. So you hire a spy to look for me and find out I’m living in the suburbs with a husband, two kids and a puppy...or a cat.”

“Boringggg.”

“Shut up!”

“Do go on though. What happens next?” he asked, putting his hand on her knee.

Smiling, she went on, “you decide to come visit me on a beautiful Sunday. I open the door and I’m so surprised to see you. ‘Hey, do you remember the night we decided to watch that awful sex movie,’ asks lonely thirty-year-old Harry. ‘How could I forget? I’ve been having nightmares since,’ says beautiful married Y/N.”

Harry tossed his head back and laughed as Y/N tried to hold it in so she could finish her story.

“Then you say to me, ‘that night, you told me to give you a ride in one of my expensive cars if I ever got rich. So would you like to go somewhere with me on this fine Sunday morning?’ , ‘Oh, I really want to,’ I say to you, ‘but my husband would be jealous so I have to turn you down.’ Then we say goodbye and I close the door, leaving you standing outside for a long moment. You walk back to your expensive car as it starts raining, and suddenly, you feel sad.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah. Because you have finally realised that, you’ve been in love with me this whole time!” Y/N exclaimed as she grabbed his shoulders. “Unfortunately, it’s already too late because I’m now happy with my husband, two children, and a dog...or a cat. The end!”

When Harry said nothing, she lightly elbowed him. He looked down as she looked up, her cheek pressing against his shoulder as she gave him a pout. “No applause?”

“Your story sucks,” he said, smirking as she puckered up her lips and turned back to the TV.

“Oh no, we forgot to pause!” she said.

“Well, we already know what’s gonna happen so I don’t think we’ve missed much.”

“You’re probably right.”

As she continued watching the movie, he was watching her. Thanks to her stupid story, now he had to worry about his future ten years from now. How could he compete with her husband, two children and a dog, or a cat?! And the nice vision with ten cars and the big mansion didn’t sound so nice anymore since he knew for sure she wouldn’t be in it. His heart already broke for thirty-year-old Harry.

Maybe he would stay up all night to blame himself for what was yet to happen. But now he had a bigger problem to deal with.

As they reached the final sex scene, Harry was embarrassingly and painfully hard. Thank God for the pillow that sat conveniently right beside him. He put it on his lap to hide his hardon while already thinking about jerking off in the shower once this movie had ended.

He reluctantly checked on Y/N. She was sitting so still, but he could see right through her neutral expression that she desperately wanted to touch herself. After a moment, she started rubbing her thighs together, and Harry’s jaw went slack as he suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Fuck, this is better than porn. I’m going to hell, he thought while stroking his thigh with one hand, the other still resting on her leg.

He wasn’t sure if he was so horny his mind was playing tricks on him or her skin was really burning under her pyjamas. He could feel it, and now he was too awkward to remove his hand from her leg. He kept watching her face as the moaning and the music from the movie turned his face scarlet. When she pressed her lips together, he couldn’t help it anymore.

“To be honest,” he spoke with a voice full of breath, “I’ve always wondered if this was the kind of content you’d masturbate to, since...since you don’t watch porn.”

Y/N swallowed hard but she didn’t seem offended at all. Her eyelids fluttered as she gave him a bashful smile. “I...do watch porn.”

“Oh?” Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Yeah, I’ve just...never had an orgasm by myself…”

Holy shit. Harry’s mouth fell open as he gripped his knee. He hoped he wasn’t being too obvious? Shit, was he being too obvious?

He swallowed hard, fixing the pillow on his lap and slightly grinding his hips against it to get some friction on his crotch area. His head fell back to the backrest of the couch as Y/N pulled away and did the same. They were looking at each other, their faces so close Harry couldn’t focus on anything else.

Half of him wanted to excuse himself and went to the bathroom to jerk off, the other half wanted to stay and finish the movie with her. This was the most intimate moment they had ever shared and he certainly couldn’t let it go to waste.

“You okay?” she asked and he gave a nod, licking his lip.

“Not gonna lie, these sex scenes got me quite worked up.”

“Oh…” Y/N chewed on the corner of her mouth as she shifted around a bit. “Um...are you…you know...”

“No, am I what?” He smirked. Of course he knew what her question would be. He was a bit embarrassed that she could already tell from looking at his face, still he had to hear her say it.

“Y-You…” she stuttered, “you know what.”

“No, Y/N, I’m afraid I don’t.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, and with a bit of hesitation, pointed to his lap. “That.”

“That? What’s that?” He sounded amused. “I don’t get it. Care to elaborate?”

“Forget it.” She waved him off. But did she really think he would let her get away with this?

“You want to know if I’m hard?”

The question made Y/N groan as she buried her face into her palms. She didn’t deny or confirm it, but he already knew he was right.

“You’re wet, aren’t you?”

“Stop!”

“Y/N.”

“What?” She huffed as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hands away from her face. She gave him only one quick glance before looking back at the screen, but he knew she was too flustered to continue watching.

“Promise me you’ll try tonight,” he blurted, unsure why he’d said it, but he didn’t regret it for the look on her face was priceless.

“Try what?”

“Make yourself come.”

Y/N gripped the hem of her shirt, her eyes went round. “Stop messing with me. It’s not funny anymore!”

“I’m serious. Promise me you’ll try,” his voice was low and heavy as if he was out of breath. “Don’t think too much. Just...get yourself wet and feel it out, love. You should know your body better than anyone, right?”

Y/N was quiet for a moment, which made Harry think he might have crossed the line and she would definitely get mad at him. But then she shifted her eyes to her lap and finally gave a nod.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she softly confirmed. That one word alone could make him bust his nuts right on that couch. He was glad it didn’t happen, still, he wished he could tell her what she was doing to him.

As soon as the credits started to scroll, Y/N turned off the TV, wished him goodnight and fled straight to her room like a scared little deer.

Harry heaved a sigh of relief. He got up, turned the lights off and hurried to the shower to take care of his big problem. He didn’t know if she kept her promise and touched herself before going to bed, but he assumed that she did, and came so hard to those filthy thoughts that his legs felt like jelly once it was over.

As he rested his forehead against the shower wall and let the warm water run down his back, he shut his eyes and told himself to stick to PG movies from now on.

[moon-in-daylight]

Night Watch / Davos x reader

Summary: Waking up in the middle of the night, you notice that Davos is gone.

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: Smut implied

A/N: So, I’ve been rewatching Davos’ scenes and I felt the need to write something for him even though it’s garbage lol  because he deserves to be loved and accepted and also because we need more Davos’ fics

Still half asleep, you rolled on your side just to find that the other half of the bed was empty.

It took more than a few seconds for you to be startled by it, though. It wasn’t a strange thing after all, you were far more than accustomed to sleeping alone in that enormous and lonely bed night after night… But as your numbed brain tried to remember the circumstances in which you had fallen asleep, you found that something - or rather someone - was missing.

Davos.

Thinking about him immediately made you open your eyes and sit up to inspect the room with worry. Even though it was still dark you had to blink a few times to adjust your eyes, squinting them involuntarily when you tried to look at the blinding screen of your phone. It was 3:24 am and there was no sign of another person being there with you, at least none that your barely conscious state could perceive.

Your first reaction was to think that you had dreamt it all. It was the most logical, plausible explanation. It wouldn’t have been the first time that your subconscious made you think of Davos like that.

You didn’t feel proud of it, but from time to time you couldn’t help but fantasize about him.

Sometimes, when you two were together and he was telling you some anecdote about K’un-Lun and his early life, your mind involuntarily focused on the movement of his mouth instead of on whatever story he was sharing with you. And while contemplating his lips, you usually found yourself daydreaming about kissing them, feeling them against your skin as you pictured the way his hands would roam through your body. Imagining how he would eagerly remove every piece of clothing and the way his skin would feel against yours, how sweet his moans would sound in your ears as he thrusted slowly but deeply into you…

You were usually quick to snap out of those fantasies, but even if you had only been distracted for a few seconds, you weren’t able to quiet the embarrassment that took over you after imagining him that way. You barely could look at him in the eye after having your attention drifted away by those thoughts.

The friendship you shared was vital for the both of you and you didn’t want to ruin it with unrequited feelings.

You had met after he had escaped prison and, since the first moment after he had rescued you from being mugged, you felt safe with him. The tranquility you felt while being with him was such that you even offered him to stay at your place when he casually mentioned he was running away from justice. It was a risky decision to let a stranger into your apartment that easily, especially when he was a convicted criminal that chattered all kinds of nonsense about dragons and rightfulness, but you could see his intentions were good. There was something in you that trusted him blindly, even when you were convinced that the things he talked about didn’t exist.

It wasn’t until you observed with your very own eyes the way he made his fist glow a bright red during one of his training sessions that you realized that everything he talked about was real.

Hearing his story and how his home had been destroyed, you were quick to position yourself by his side. You knew he had done some bad things, but he was good at heart and you tried to help him see where he had gotten wrong. Surprisingly, he seemed to listen to you and care about what you had to say. It was clear he cared about you too, worrying whenever he saw you weren’t feeling good or taking care of you when you were ill.

It was heartwarming the way you supported one another despite your radically different backgrounds, the way you helped each other improve and see the world from another point of view. It didn’t take long for Davos to become one of the most important people in your life.

Finding out about each other issues and going through them together had been extremely helpful for you both. To talk about them and listen to each other’s advice when you didn’t know what to do. Davos had been through a lot of abuse during his life, and you liked to think that he had finally found in you someone to rely on, just as you had in him.

As he taught you to meditate and control your anxiety, you tried to make him see that he was a person worthy of dignity and affection, not ‘the second best’ as he had been told after losing the Iron Fist to Danny Rand back in K’un-Lun…

It wasn’t easy to erase the toll that years of constant abuse had left, but you had made so much progress while being together… You feared that you would be throwing it all away if he ever found out about your little fantasies. You didn’t want him to know what you felt for him because the last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable, especially because you knew how he had been raised and what he thought of sex. And, of course, he had told you how violent his only ‘sexual experience’ had been like…

But the images of him being all over you still creeped into your dreams from time to time, and your half-awaken, dazed-self supposed that was exactly what was happening that night.

Yet, as you slowly roused, you found that the sensations that your mind recreated were too intense to be fictional this time. In fact, you almost could feel as if his touch still lingered on your skin, the phantom feeling of hot, gentle kisses remaining on your neck and collarbone. That was when your mind finally cleared up and you realized it had actually happened.

You had slept with Davos.

Your mind slowly went through the events of that late evening, remembering that you had had dinner together and that you had watched a film in your couch afterwards.

It was normal that he didn’t get most of the inside jokes and implications of American culture in movies considering he had been living in a monastery most of his life, so you always enjoyed sitting in front of the TV with him and explaining every cultural reference that confused him. But that night he hadn’t asked you a single question, nor showed any of his usual discomfort towards the disgraceful and reproachable way in which the characters acted.

Not giving his silence a second thought, you quietly watched the movie until a sex scene appeared.

Looking at your friend from the corner of your eye, you watched him squirm uncomfortably on his sit, the images probably taking him back to the humiliating moment of his ‘sacrifice’, as he usually referred to that unfortunate event.

“We can fast forward this part.” You were quick to grab the remote and skip the frames until a different scene appeared on the screen.

“Have you been practicing lately?” He asked, unprompted. It took you a moment to realize he was actually talking about the Kung Fu lessons he had been imparting you.

As soon as you shook your head, he encouraged you to leave the movie half way through and go over some of the movements he had already taught you in previous training sessions. Truth was you weren’t really into what you were watching anyway, and you supposed it was too awkward for him to keep watching it. Since you had been the one to ask him to teach you how to fight, you willingly got up from the couch and started to show him the little progress you had made.

He didn’t let you finish showing him, though, as he immediately started to point out the flaws in your inexperienced technique, correcting your posture and reminding you to breathe properly to channel your Chi into your every move.

Davos was a harsh professor and he wouldn’t forgive a single mistake from you, telling you that you couldn’t afford to commit any error in battle, as your enemy wouldn’t miss a chance of exploiting your weaknesses. As demanding as he was, you knew that he was being especially tender and easy going with you, at least by his standards. It broke your heart to think about the strict way he had been trained and raised, how severe they had been with him when he was only a child.

Following his instructions, you started to throw punches and kicks at him, attacks that he easily blocked without breaking a sweat. You were definitely glad that you didn’t have to actually fight against him, being well aware that he would be able to end you in the span of ten seconds, maybe even less.

“You have to hit stronger.” His voice commanded you. “Faster.”

You did as you were told and increased the effort put in the fight, but immediately stopped the second he didn’t avoid your punch and your fist impacted against his chest.

“Don’t stand still.” He grabbed your hand and pushed it away. “Now you got it, come on.”

Without saying a single word, you resumed your offensive with the same intensity of that last punch. Unluckily for you, Davos seemed to be more alert now, anticipating each and every one of your movements before you even knew you were going to make them. With a few swift motions, he easily overpowered you, immobilized both of your arms and pinned you against the wall.

You tried to steady your breathing as you did your best to ignore what his proximity was arousing inside of you. Waiting for him to release you for another round, you found yourself growing more and more tense when he simply stared at you in silence, uncomfortably swallowing the lump in your throat when his grip on you didn’t loosen up.

The images of every time you had dreamt about him clouded your mind without you being able to do anything to ignore them, the growing heat between your legs becoming more unbearable with every second his deep brown eyes kept fixed on you. You closed your eyes in hopes that you could distract yourself, think of anything other than the man standing in front of you. But every attempt at doing so immediately failed when you felt the warmth of his lips pressing against yours.

Getting out of your thoughts, you rubbed your eyes as you recalled everything that had happened from that moment. The last thing you remembered the feeling of utter peace and tranquility that invaded you as you fell asleep in his arms.

That calm was completely erased from you now that you realized that he had left in the middle of the night, without saying goodbye or at least leaving a note.

Your heart raced as you mentally slapped yourself for having allowed that to happen.

How could you be so stupid? It was true that it had been him the one to take the first step by kissing you, but you should have known better. You should have figured that he would only disobey his moral code like that in a moment of weakness, a weakness that you had unconsciously taken advantage of. Now he probably had regretted everything and had ran away not wanting to see you or hear from you again.

You feared that your friendship was ruined beyond repair.

Maybe if you called Davos in the morning and talked about what had happened you could still sort it all out. You didn’t want to lose him, to have him walk out of your life just because you had gotten carried away in a moment of lust…

Deep down you knew what you felt for him extended far beyond simple lust, but you were willing to ignore those feelings, to act as if they weren’t there for the sake of keeping him by your side.

You buried your head in the pillow in an attempt to hold back the tears that already started to form inside your eyes, an intense ache inside your chest forming at the thought of having messed up so badly with Davos. He was the person you cared for the most and thinking that you may have caused him any wrong made you feel a profound disappointment on yourself.

It wasn’t until you felt an arm surrounding your waist and a slight shifting on the other side of the bed that you lifted your head, finding Davos laying down next to you again.

“Where were you?” Your voice was a bit husky from having just waken up a few minutes ago. You wanted to lay your head on his chest, but didn’t in case it would make him uncomfortable.

“I was checking the perimeter.” He said, as if it was the most natural thing to do at 3:00 am. “Did I wake you?”

You carefully shook your head as you avoided looking into his eyes.

Judging by the calm tone in which he spoke, you could tell that he wasn’t angry and you felt slightly stupid for having panicked and jumped into the conclusion that he had abandoned you so fast. Still, things weren’t solved up yet. As you finally looked up at him, you wondered in which state was your relationship at.

Davos had been taught that a living weapon should not get involved sexually or emotionally with anyone. And, even if you always tried to convince him that he was a person before a warrior, you weren’t sure he actually believed your words. You weren’t even sure he had ever even considered having a romantic relationship before that evening, but looking at the way he lovingly stared at you, it almost seemed as if he wanted you too.

“What would you check the perimeter for?” You asked in confusion. Was he in danger? Had Danny found him and wanted to bring him to justice? You started to become preoccupied as you thought of all the worse scenarios.

“I do it every night. This neighborhood is full of thugs and criminals, like the one trying to mug you when we first met.” He clarified, gaining a frown from you that silently asked him to explain further. You only hoped he hadn’t gone back to being a ‘vigilante’, it had taken you a lot of effort to talk him out of it. “By making guard I can make sure you’re safe.”

Instantly after hearing his words you felt your heart warming up, moved by the fact that he cared about you to the point of watching over you every night. Hesitantly, you got closer to him and taking the fact that he didn’t pulled back as a silent sign of consent, you placed a tender kiss on his lips.

“Thank you for taking care of me, but you don’t need to make guard every night.” You gently brushed your fingers against his stubble, your eyes on his as you spoke softly. “You need to take care of yourself and get a full night of sleep. Would you do that for me?”

The second he slowly nodded his head a gentle smile formed on your face. You pressed your lips against his once more before cuddling beside him, letting your head rest on his shoulder.

The calming sound of his breathing was enough to quickly made you sleepy again.

“Davos,” You mumbled his name with your eyes closed, feeling consciousness slowly fading from you. “I love you.”

You were too numbed to notice, but Davos’ body clenched at your words. You didn’t know, but it was the first time someone ever dedicated those words to him. He had fought all his life to get approval, travelled to the other side of the world to make the ones he loved proud, hoping they would show him the affection he had always craved for. When K’un-Lun was destroyed, he lost all hope of having someone say those words to him, of gaining someone’s love. And yet, there you were, right between his arms.

You were already asleep when he pressed a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you too.”

[alexiaugustin]

Since I seem to be in a really positive mood today and even though this show clearly doesn't deserve this post here's my list of favorite skam france s6 clips:

Samedi 07:52 The day after ep1: I really really loved the first clip of the season a lot more than the trailer and I think that it was such a great introduction to Lola's pov. We really saw the world through her eyes in such a special way in that moment n I loved all the hints to the plot (same sex couple walking down the street and being viewed as completely normal> w|w storyline with no internalized homophobia; the raccon tag > foreshadowing for otteli and urbex plot; lola photographing broken things > insight into lola's feelings) The cinematography and use of pov was a masterpiece in this one.

Lundi 7:43 Tiff ep1: This one is just here for the grew being the most supportive and loving friend group, skipping classes together to take care of Daphné and that group hug <33 need I say more?? No. Every clip with the grew is gonna be on this list because the little screen time they had this season needs to be honoured. I'm sorry that they did you so dirty babes:((

Mercredi 13:03 Fuck the planet ep1: my absolute favorite mayla clip this season!! one of my absolute favorite clips in general!! I still remember the day when they dropped that clip and I got so excited for this season again. Maya being a climate activist and such a warm and lovely person I immediately fell in love with her. Maya looking at Lola as if she's a princess walking down the stairs to a ball in some fairy tale. Maya not letting Lola's cold remarks throw her off n replying with equal sass instead, Maya's iconic coming out line and Lola smiling for the first time all season!! That clip was really off the charts

Vendredi 16:43 Someone exceptional ep1: This is my absolute favorite clip of the whole season and the amount of times I've rewatched this is actually unhealthy. Something just clicked and for the first time I felt really connected with Lola and felt and understood her pain (probs to Flavie she was amazing here) I loved the lil details abt this clip: Lucas playing the piano, le grew all hugging Daphné, Daphné's speech and break down (lula was amazing here too I really really felt connected to Daphné in that moment), Eliott and Lola meeting for the first time (their best clip this season, gosh the potential they had to actually develop such a cool and beautiful sibling relationship with them and then they did.... whatever the rest of their storyline was), Lola trying so hard to read Daphné's speech and then holding her own instead because she so desperately needs to get this off her chest and make ppl understand her and last but not least the cinematic shots of her running out of the church and breaking down. Truly my favorite clip.

Mercredi 12:56 You don't know me ep2: my second favorite mayla clip and hell did I love their dynamic and chemistry in this one. The community service clips were so so special and gave them such unique vibes I'm so sad that the rest of their storyline really couldn't live up to that because the beginning really was breathtaking and I was so here for their storyline and really believed that I would get the w|w rep I deserve this season. Rip

Jeudi 19:33 Sorry ep2: Daphné and Lola finally warming up to eachother, both of them apologizing, Lola saying that she can make dinner and they can watch one of Daphné's favorite tv shows together. Baby steps. Also Daphné grieving and smelling her mother's shirt to find comfort. Such an important clip!!

Vendredi 22:22 Otteli ep2: Again the opening shots and cinematography of this clip!! Lola meeting la mif for the first time and I was completely buying their found family dynamic from the start, maya and lola being 👀 the entire time and last but not least Eliott being introduced as urbex legend n royalty,, the wasted potential of that storyline tho...

Samedi 6:43 An awesome party ep3: again maya's and lola's chemistry in this one and their first real and deep conversation, maya opening up about her parents and how she found a home and family in la mif, their smiles and laughs and lola replying to Daphné's text messages because that's growth baby!

Lundi 7:53 The slap ep3: again just here for le grew, the way they all pulled daphné in for a group hug I'm cryinnn. Also Lucas telling the people who were gossiping abt Lola to turn around and mind their own business, dare I say iconic. the way we could have had it all this season and then skamfr decided to make them enemies. Hate it here

Samedi 13:18 Hangover ep4: this clip being a parallel to the beginning of ep2, we all believed that Lola went out and slept with another stranger and would feel lost and overwhelmed again and then! we and she found out that she's at maya's n instead of being lost again she completely openes up to Maya abt her life and Maya just holds her and Lola clings onto her as if her life depends on it and finds comfort in Maya. Still crying about this one

Mardi 21:43 You want to talk about it? ep4: I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I've rewatched this clip countless of times simply because seeing Eliott so happy and excited at his workplace has me feeling some type of way. I liked his and Lola's general dynamic in this one my main problem is just that it was so damn underdeveloped and came out of nowhere. Skam france you're a transmedia show text messages would have really helped you bby!!

Samedi 14:23 Luquette ep5: ohh out of all the clips with Eliott in it this one's definitely my favorite (and also one of the only ones I liked) both Eliott and Lola getting to speak for themself abt their mental health, seeing Eliott's development going from being ashamed and hiding his mental illness to now being so open about it and giving others advice, them talking about Eliott's Lucas and Lola's Luquette (🥺) Eliott being ready to run from Daphné with Lola and Lola saying that she's gonna take responsibility and Eliott looking like a proud big brother > the only clip with sibling vibes of them this season

Samedi 17:36 Just a girl ep5: Daphné and Lola reconciling, Daphné wanting to buy Lola picture frames and not letting that go even tho they have so little money and she sorts other stuff out instead. Please their sister bond this season has my heart. And also Maya and Lola at that supermarket gay panic energy at its finest. I loved that clip and that even after what happened last Friday Maya is still such a warm and loving person in that clip. Ugh why did they had to ruin her character later that season??☹

Mercredi 18:49 I miss you ep5: in case y'all are wondering if I'm just gonna put every single mayla clip on that list- don't worry this one is gonna be the last in a while. Anyway back to the good old days lamifex hanging all out together and being literal children together <33 mayla finally getting to talk and Maya explaining herself, showing Lola her scars and telling her that she misses her when she's not around. My heart combusted watching that clip

Lundi 12:35 We are even ep6: le grew studying together!! especially lucas and imane!!!! screaming. the only time we ever got to see them preparing for the bac but at least we have this one clip. Basile and Lola sibling dynamic and also the clip confirming that Daphné indeed has an eating disorder and Lola beginning to be really worried about her

Mercredi 18:27 I don't know what you're looking for ep6: Lola finding out about Daphné's eating disorder and finding proof in her room, Daphné freaking out and the last shots of her trying so hard not to fall apart, lula's acting in this scene!! It was all so realistic it truly is one of the top ten clips too

Jeudi 21:53 It won't always work ep6: Daphné and Lola talking and Lola opening up abt her addiction problems and telling Daphné that she can really really understand her and that both of them can get better again, Lola and Daphné being completely at peace and cuddling on the couch and watching tv together. One of my favorite clips of them this season I just love their sister bond so much

Mercredi 16:52 The break up ep7: both Lula's and Paul's acting was incredibly I was 100% buying that break up, Basile desperately wanting to help Daphné but not really knowing how, Daphné throwing him out and immediately having a break down, feeling so helpless and lost :'(( also Lola seeing her sister breaking down and not knowing how to help her either broke my heart. Protect the Lecomte sisters at all costs

Dimanche 18:32 Freesias ep8: for me this one was the true full cycle moment this season. The Lecomte family visiting their mum on mother's day, Lola revealing that she does know her favorite flowers and that her mum used to sent them to her along with letters she never read, Lola saying that if she could she might read them now but it's too late for that and in some kind of way she was making peace with her mum and everything that happened between them. Daphné taking the umbrella so Thierry can pull Lola close and them just standing in the rain and healing n growing as a family!! This clip was so emotional and important and skamfr had the audacity to destroy all that development with Thierry for useless drama. I'm endlessly bitter

Mardi 18:03 Vital prognosis ep8: just daphné, basile, lola and maya being a happy lil family together. This clip was so peaceful and beautiful to watch every time ep9 ruined my mood I went back to this clip to cheer myself up again. Really wish we could have seen more of them together and maya and lola as a couple

Vendredi 23:04 Emergency ep10: okay so I really didn't like that skamfr switched povs to build up suspense and was actually just triggering for many of us. But I just wanna say Lula's acting!!! The way she said "But how do you know we're going to find her, Lucas? Putain! She has never left a note before this is the first time for all we know" truly her acting!! I rewatched that clip so many times for that line alone (until I realized that the storyline was actually really triggering for me so I haven't watched the clip ever since but still)

Samedi 01:06 Sisters ep10: still hate the storyline and that it was done in episode 10 but I'm sooo glad that Daphné went to talk to Lola alone, that Daphné tells her that she's always loved her and basically everything they said in that clip!! Really moving and emotional one of the only clips that really made me cry this season. Again I live for Flavie's and Lula's acting

Mercredi 16:38 Beep beep beep ep10: even tho the mayla storyline was in context of the season really lacking depth at this point, watching this clip ignoring the context really was a cultural reset. One thing I love abt skam france is just that they let lgbt people live their lives without having homophobia being thrown at them left and right so kissing your gf in the middle of the supermarket like that might not be realistic but I don't care!!!!! let the gays live their life and kiss in the supermarket!!! thanks!! also that song especially the lyrics "darling I won't let you go" thoughts are being thunk💌

And yeah basically that's it. As yall may notice I loved the first half of the season way more than the second half and I feel like there was so much wasted potential and important storylines left unaddressed because they wanted to throw in more drama....

[peeterparkr]

limits of desire⤳t.h.||6

chapter 6: mail your save the dates

story summary: you met Tom a night he was trying to sleep with you, it didn’t work and you became best of friends. Wedding bells might be ringing for when you both realize what you really feel.

summary: the one with the blue box and the big question

pairing: fuckboy!tom holland x best friend!reader

warnings: swearing,alcohol mention, didn’t proof read

word count: 6.2k (whoops sorry)

OOF IT’S HERE. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! 

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December 1st. 

Tom’s room was a mess, several shirts were placed on his bed, with pants and underwear flying through the room. It was a warzone. Tom was a bigger mess. He was walking bare chest and with his wet hair flying as he was placing the dress shirts above his chest, trying to decide which one looked better. Dress shirts, t-shirts. Hell, what the hell was he supposed to wear? 

Gosh, was he nervous. He was shaking, and his hands were sweating. He had walked around his room for about an hour now. He hadn’t slept the night before and he had drunk coffee, not tea, coffee. Three espressos. He had showered twice and shaved the almost non-existent beard. He had brushed his teeth, three times and then combed his hair. Tom was an emotional mess. 

He was finally going to see her. He was going to finally pick her up, today. After all that time. He was going to see her. He had arranged a dinner with her and her mother, and he was dying to see her. 

Tom walked to Haz’s room, holding a lot of shirts. “I need your help.” 

Haz was only watching him, laughing about it. “Man, you need to calm down,” he told him as he followed him ever. 

“I can’t, how can I calm down? Would you be calm? I wouldn’t, I can’t be calm, I love her man, I haven’t seen her, what if she doesn’t like me anymore?” He was rambling. “How am I even gonna tell her?” There was Tom, placing shirts over his chest to see which one he should wear

“Black one--” Harrison rolled his eyes as Tom kept placing shirts over his chest. “What’s the plan?” 

But… alright, I’ll pick her mother up, and then we’ll pick y/n up from the airport, then we will go out for dinner...And I wanted to be alone with her,” Tom admitted. “But I guess her mother missed her, too.” 

“You guess?” Haz rolled his eyes.  “Well, you can spend tomorrow with her, right? Before the party.” 

“Yes, yes, I cleared out all my schedule,” Tom gulped. “I’m still nervous.” 

“Are you telling her today?” Haz questioned. 

Tom gulped. “Maybe? If the time shows up, I just don’t wanna tell her in front of her mother, but I want her to see I’ve… changed, you know?” 

“But you know, why don’t you tell Anna?” Haz suggested. “That you want some alone time.” 

Tom bit his lip. “I sorta told her, I told her that I wanted to...talk to her daughter and I told her I was taking her to dinner to tell y/n something very important and then she just said: uh yeah I’ll go with you, ” he said. “But I guess Anna isn’t that fond of me, you know, I’ve slept with her niece and…” 

“But she knows her daughter loves you,” Haz said.  “But, I wouldn’t blame her if she’s trying to protect her daughter.”

“You think?” Tom gulped. 

“So you’ve got a long way home, Tom,” Haz admitted. “You’ve gotta prove them both you’ve changed.” 

“I have, I have…” Tom looked down at the dress shirts. 

“Right, are you giving that to her today? That might show you’ve changed” Haz asked, looking down at the blue box on his nightstand. “If I have a guess of what it is...”

Tom had to stop as he looked at the blue box. He bit his lip as he took it in his hands. 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Nothing?” Haz raised his eyebrows. “You’re telling me that if I dare to open that box I won’t find an engagement ring?” 

Tom’s eyes widened. “No, no, of course not! Don’t be silly!” Tom gulped. “No, no.” he blushed. “No, it’s a necklace… a pendant, actually, a rose gold pendant with a small diamond,” Tom cleared his throat, he placed the box inside his drawer. “See? Do you...?” He cleared his throat. “Did you really believe it’s an engagement ring?” 

“Coming from you? Never,” Harrison laughed. 

Tom frowned. “Hey, shut up,” Tom ran a hand through his hair. 

“As if you would buy one,” Harrison laughed. 

“Maybe not now,” Tom cleared his throat and then shook his head. “What am I saying?” He laughed. “No, no, uh… I need...uh.”

“To get ready,” Haz reminded him. “It’s getting late.” 

Tom nodded as he rushed to spray cologne on himself. “Right, late, late, should I buy flowers? Yes, I’ll leave now...and,” he ran as he picked up his keys.  

Haz laughed following him. “Man, aren’t you forgetting something?” 

Tom had already walked out when he felt a cold breeze. “Ah, shit…” 

Haz gave him a black dress shirt since Tom had walked out shirtless, and his coat and he finally left.  He was going to see the woman he was in love with, so it was one big deal. He still had some time to spare, so he decided to buy the flowers. 

He went to a flower shop, and he struggled as he looked at the different flowers, roses, daisies, lavenders, tulips, gerberas, every single type of flower looked pretty. And he didn’t want to go to the cliché, he couldn’t. But red roses just had their special meaning, so he wanted to give it that a try. And of course, a bouquet of roses would right away yell at her he loved her. So it could be good. He remembered when they were talking back at the wedding. 

“I’d have sunflowers,” she started. “Yes, and daisies…Flowers are important.” 

Sure, roses had a big meaning. Red roses were the lovers roses, they meant passion, love. Everything that Tom was dying to tell her. Which had him very nervous, how was he supposed to tell her? 

He could make a reservation to have dinner at a fancy place, but he knew that it’d be too much. She didn’t like the conventional. Y/N wasn’t one to like that. He remembered how ti had gone with Andrew Jacobs when he took her to a big place. She didn’t like being in the spotlight. Not with Andrew, at least. 

y/n’s idea of romance, Tom knew, was simple. She didn’t need the big show or the rom-com like stunts. No, for her, it was the simple things. Like when that guy who had dated her and remembered she liked honey and lemon with her earl grey tea. 

Tom could be that. Tom could be that who remembered every small detail about her, like how she likes to curl up with that grey knit blanket while reading a book, or how she’ll always press her pen repeatedly when she’s nervous. How she likes to eat first all the red m&m’s, or how she hates when people walk slowly. How she ends up rewatching Friends whenever she’s feeling sad after hours of scrolling through the Netflix movies and shows. 

He knew her from head to toe. He knew her soul and he knew the way she would think. He realized it then, he was the one who guessed her thoughts before she could even think them. 

On his way he saw a flower shop he would visit quite often before, he didn’t remember why he had stopped going there. 

“Hello,” the florist said, as she grinned. “Oh my god, Tom Holland” 

Tom sketched her a smile, as he nervously approached her. He realized then, why he had stopped going to that flower shop. He had once slept with that florist who happened to be oh so in love with him. Tom turned red, as he gulped down every embarrassed sentiment he was getting. 

Tom chuckled nervously, as he turned around to catch his breath. Everything was paying off. He needed to be there, for y/n. He pumped up his chest and then turned back to her with a smile. It was weird now that he couldn’t go on flirting with someone. But the girl acted naturally.

“Eh, add some sunflowers, some daisies, and some… red roses,” he asked her. 

She raised an eyebrow. “Interesting combination, daisies mean innocence and purity,” she said as she was setting the flowers up. “The sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity,” she looked up at him and smirked. “And the red roses, huh? They mean passion, you know?” 

Tom rolled his eyes. “Those are my friend’s favourite flowers,” he defended himself. “Not any meaning.”  

The girl laughed as she finally gave him the flowers. It was perfect, perfectly balanced and arranged. Besides, it had roses, but not only roses so it was like a subtle way to declare his love. He paid for it and thanked her while leaving to pick up y/n’s mother. 

Anna, her mother, was staying at a hotel since she didn’t live in London and since y/n had been gone, she didn’t have a place yet. Tom wondered if it would be too inappropriate to offer his place to y/n, while she arranged everything. It would be nice, having her around, and starting off a relationship like that could be nice. They knew everything about each other, nothing could go wrong from that. 

“It’s weird not seeing you on your bike,” Anna said while she got into Tom’s car. She smiled looking at Tom but then bit her lip. She did look at the flowers and she stared at him, making Tom nervous. She had a sad look upon her face. 

“So, y/n’s finally back,” Tom tried to make conversation with her mother. 

“Yes, have you been speaking to her?” She asked Tom. “

“Barely lately,” Tom admitted. “We did text and everything, but I guess we have a lot to talk about, I’ve missed her so much,” Tom said. “Have you talked to her?”

“Yes, you need to talk… Has she told you about…?” She paused, Tom gulped. “I figure not,” Anna said, staring at the flowers, Tom scowled. 

“About what?” Tom bit his lip. 

“Ah, nothing, her...adventures,” Anna whispered. “And well, yes, she tried to facetime me every week,” her mother answered. 

“We tried doing that, but while filming, and with the different time zones…” Tom cleared his throat. “I just… can’t wait to see her.” 

Anna grinned. “I see you brought her flowers,” she pointed out. 

“Yeah, a nice way to welcome her, ” Tom admitted. “I know how much she loves flowers.” 

“She does, she says flowers make…” 

“Everything brighter,” Tom finished her line. “Yeah, yeah, they do, so I brought her sunflowers and daisies… and roses, I also brought her a coat, because I guess she won’t be used to the weather.” 

Oh gosh, if only he had told her about his feelings before, maybe he could’ve brought then only red roses, and he could’ve kissed her, and he could’ve brought something more. Maybe he would’ve visited her, maybe there would be more future. But maybe he would’ve still brought her sunflowers and daisies and roses. It would be just slightly different. 

 Time to time, from time to time. But he wasn’t going to wait, he was going to tell her right away. Of course, if he had time alone with her. It wouldn’t be as nice if he told her in front of her mother. He needed free time with her. 

Eventually, they arrived at the airport. His feet were shuffling as he was wearing a baseball cap.

“Are you alright?” Anna asked him. 

He gulped. “Yeah, yeah, just scared I won’t recognize her.” 

“You dressed up nicely,” Anna pointed out. “Too bad that cap brings down all the charm.” 

“Oh, right, right,” he took it off, scared that y/n wouldn’t like his appearance. 

“Tom?” Anna looked at him again.

Tom gulped. “Yeah?” 

“It’s late,” she sighed. 

Tom blinked. “Late? I thought we were on time,” Tom looked at his phone. 

Anna sighed. But the time arrived, Tom started to look out for her, his stomach jumping up and down and his heartbeat going fast and almost popping out of his chest. He felt like he had turned paled but at the same time, he felt like he was blushing. It made no sense. He had become dizzy as he tried to look out for her in the crowd. 

But then, he saw her, with her skin a bit tan, and her hair longer, she had a bright smile on her face, and even if she looked tired, she looked radiant, her hair was tied up in a bun and she had a hoodie. Tom felt like the whole world had stopped the moment she turned and locked eyes with him, her eyes and her hair, and her skin and her everything. Her smile widened and she didn’t care, she ran over to him. Tom opened up his arms to catch her as she jumped on him, he spun her around holding her tightly, admiring every single thing, taking her essence, and just letting her wrap herself around her. Time had stopped ticking. 

He whispered how much he had missed her on her ear and she just giggled. He kissed her cheek as he kept holding her, the hug lasted for more than expected because he just didn’t want to let her go. She tried to let him go, but he kept his arms around her, he stared down at her lips. He was crazy about her.  

“Hi,” she finally said as they were looking at each other. 

“Hey,” Tom sentenced as he was breathless, helpless, and hopeless. He just wanted to blurt out already. Hell, he could kiss her right away. 

“I missed you!” She squeaked. 

“I missed you too,” he leaned over to place a peck on her cheek, as he finally let her go, turning red and embarrassed. “Oh, sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay, I’m cold anyway,” she said, with a big smile. “Your hugs have always been warm.” 

“Right…This!” He placed the coat on her. “Uh,” he handed the flowers over as well. “These… these are for you.” 

“Thank you,” She blushed as she put the coat on. “Damn, it’s really cold.” 

“Aren’t you going to say hi to your mother?” Anna interrupted as y/n turned to her. 

“Mum!” She squealed as she hugged her mother. 

Tom couldn’t wait to tell her. 

They left to the hotel, y/n took a shower and changed to some warmer clothes and despite y/n being completely tired and hit with the jet lag, she accepted to go on dinner. The reservation was already made. 

They were laughing at her crazy stories. But all Tom could think was how he should be having his arms around her, and how his lips were supposed to be on hers or how they should be holding hands. 

She had her hand on her necklace, but Tom couldn’t see the charm it had on it. She kept hiding it. 

“I swear, in the beginning, I was really really confused by the language! But now I can say those Spanish classes paid off,” she answered. “And I learned a lot, even medicine stuff! I had a free day this day, and okay, I was with Miguel we were exploring, he helped me take some pictures.” 

Miguel, he didn’t like how that name sounded, but Tom smiled anyway, listening excitedly. He knew Miguel from her Instagram. He clenched his jaw. 

“Miguel… as in the guy in your Instagram?” Tom asked with the least poison. 

Y/N blushed as she took a sip of her drink. “Yeah, that guy, he’s a doctor,” she took a deep breath. 

Great, the guy saves lives. 

“So, they reached for us, a kid was ill, apparently he had eaten this plant…what was it? Well, I don’t know, but he was definitely not doing well, so we were in this town, if we can call it that way, in the middle of the jungle, trying to figure out what was the plant, but we spoke with some townspeople and we made this type of serum let’s call it that way, with the root of the plant, and we saved him! But can you imagine how difficult it was trying to figure out what to do without medicine? The poor kid, he was adorable!” 

“You’re a superhero,” Tom commented. 

“Yes, Spidey, I’m a superhero,” She winked at him. “Gosh, a lot of things happened, and I saw a lot of beautiful places.” 

“Indeed, you’re full of adventures, huh?”  Anna commented. “Have you told Tom about them all?” 

Y/N glanced at her mother. “Well, uh, not everything,”  but hey, that might be a good idea! What are you doing tomorrow, Tom? So we can fully catch up?” 

“Uh, I actually freed my day for you,” Tom grinned. “Because we truly need to talk.” 

“Well, that’s just….” Y/N stayed quiet as she turned to her mother. “But tomorrow,” she turned to her mother. “Would you… pick him up, tomorrow?” 

“Pick who up?” Asked Tom, y/n just side-eyed him, while Anna nodded. 

“Sure,” her mother agreed. 

“Pick who…?” 

“So, Tom! When did you come back from filming?” Y/N was sure to change the subject. “I mean, it’s been a few weeks right?” 

“Oh, er, yeah… yeah.” 

“Another Spider-Man movie, wow, remember when you were out of the MCU? Wow, that was such a hard time, huh? Good thing you’re back in!” y/n said condescendingly. 

“That’s something,” Tom added, looking down. “It’s time for a change.” 

“Yes, time for a change,” Y/N nodded, as she smiled at Tom, melting him with a single glance directed at him. He felt like all his shields were being tumbled down, he was weak around her. He had missed her, so so so much, and now that he had her, without taking her for granted, he realized how important she was in his life. And he couldn’t wait another day, he had to tell her. He wanted her to be his forever already, to hold her in his arms, to be able to kiss her hand, to be able to wake up beside her. 

But it had to wait until tomorrow, he needed to have a speech prepared. The night continued, Tom and Anna admitted they had had breakfast together a few months before because Tom was missing y/n that much so he had the closest thing to her. The conversation had a spectacular flow, listening to her adventures and her shenanigans in Mexico. Eventually, y/n’s eyes were struggling to stay open. 

Tom offered his place for both of them, but y/n was quick to resist it. So Tom was going to pick her up the next day. 

However, the next day early in the morning Harrison was laughing while Tom was cleaning up himself in front of the mirror. 

“What?” Asked Tom, glancing over at Haz. 

“Y/N texted me,” Haz answered. “You won’t have her for yourself.” 

“Huh?” Tom frowned. 

“She invited me over, said we should all hang out.” 

“Man, but I need to talk to her,” Tom bit his lip as he leaned against the wall. “Say no.” 

“I did, she said she’d drag my ass down if I didn’t,” Haz commented. “Look, you can invite her for dinner.” 

“I wanna tell her,” Tom whined. “I wanna just tell her.” 

“You can take her to that new pub you said you’ll go with her,” Haz insisted. “And well, she said she wanted to go shopping.” 

“Ugh, right, she mentioned she wanted to buy something to Lizzie, it’s her birthday in a few days,” Tom rubbed his face. “Alright, sure, we could spend it as we usually do, brunch,  shopping, uh… yeah, then, we can go to the bakery, I wanted to go for a walk in the park, that’s romantic, right?”

 “That’s so cheesy,” Haz teased. “But hey, anything to win her heart.” Haz continued. “So have you figured it out? How you’re gonna declare you love for her?” 

Tom grinned and then laughed. “Nope.” 

“Dude?” Harrison scowled. 

“I’m kidding, I kind of… have it figured it out,” Tom started. 

“But?” Harrison crossed his arms. 

“I need the right time,” Tom shrugged. “That’s why I needed the whole day, to figure out when.” 

“Tom, any time is the right time to tell someone you love,” Harrison insisted. 

“Fine, then I’ll tell her at the park, or at the pub, maybe I need some alcohol before telling her, at least a beer,” Tom felt nervous again, with his heart rushing and his blood flushing. “I’ll go, y/n, I'm crazy about you. I think about you all the time. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“And then you’ll be happily ever after,” Harrison joked laughing. “I’m happy for you.” 

Eventually, Tom and Harrison were waiting at the hotel lobby, and when she saw Harrison she rushed to hug him. “Oh my god, Watson, I missed you!” 

“Missed you too, Sherlock!” He said. 

Then she looked at Tom, who opened his arms for a hug. 

She chuckled and hugged him. “Hmm, you’re wearing cologne again?” She asked him. Tom blushed. 

“I always do.” Tom cleared his throat. 

“No, I know,you always smell good, but… this one is your… fancy event cologne, and I mean that sounds weird but I know you,” y/n said, glancing up at him. “And you’re all dressed up.”

Tom winked at her. “So, let’s go for brunch,” Tom cleared his throat. 

“You’ll be joining us all day, Haz?” Asked y/n. 

“Oh, no, no, I have something to do later,” Harrison lied with a nod. “You’ll be alone.” 

“Oh, okay, because I have something very important to tell you both, but it can wait.”

“Can’t you tell us at brunch?” Tom asked. 

She gulped. “I…” 

The day had gone spectacular, however, it had been exhausting. They had followed their old amazing routines to spend the best day together. They went to the usual restaurant where they usually hung out, and Harrison came along. They ordered mimosas and she was laughing too much. 

She seemed nervous, too. 

“So, what’s that you wanted to tell us?” Haz asked. 

She then grabbed her necklace again. “Um,” she looked down at her phone. “I uh...I uh, started… writing a book!” 

“A book?” Tom grinned. “That’s amazing!” 

“Yes, and I will… continue working for BBC, I’ll be an official reporter!” She grinned, nodding, her hand still on her necklace. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Tom said. 

They continued to eat. 

“You look so different, y/n,” Haz said. 

“Yeah,” y/n chuckled. “The hair, maybe, got a tan,” she admitted. 

“You look beautiful,” Tom said, looking into her eyes. 

She blushed and chuckled. “Thanks, Tommy.” 

Haz criticized them for always ordering the same damn thing from the menu, then they, as usual, ended up ordering two desserts so they could both enjoy both of the sweet pastries while eating from each other’s plate (of course, Haz didn’t suppress his critics because a. That was too cheesy, and b. Who orders dessert in breakfast?). They went to explore together all the mall searching for a gift for Lizzie. Tom had used the day to tell her all of his adventures, shenanigans, and misconceptions he had had along his trip in the last months, and his adventures while filming. She had kept quiet, listening intrigued all his stories. It was unusual, she was quiet, not sad but different. Her sight was lost. 

Oh, Tom could not stop watching her, the way her fingers walked through the dressers, or the ways her eyes were riveted on the different gifts, it was the most impressive sight Tom had seen. He was seeing her with different eyes, or maybe, after all this time, he finally realized the right way to watch her. He was not blind anymore. 

After all that, finally both of them were alone, y/n and Tom went to the bakery. He guessed what she wanted to have but she seemed so...off. She didn’t guess what he wanted to have. 

But he kept asking her about her trip and everything. 

Tom was anxious, he guessed it had to be due to the fact of the last incident they shared together. 

Tom took her to the park, place where he had finally decided to take her. 

“We’ve never been to the park before,” she commented. Her eyes were glued on her phone. 

Tom shrugged. “Thought it’d be nice,” he commented. “I’ve come here all the time you were away.” 

“You missed me that much?” She laughed. 

“I did,” Tom admitted. “I usually came here to see the old couples, they’re adorable.” 

“Really?” Y/N chuckled. 

“Yes, they made me believe in love…” Tom said, glancing at her. “Maybe it does exist, maybe it’s been right in front of me.” 

Y/N wasn’t aware she was looking at him, she kept watching the couples. 

 “I… y/n, I think we left on bad terms and…” 

“No, no, that’s alright, all of it, it’s forgotten.” She looked nervous, Tom watched her clumsy and fast movements. She was now texting on her phone, with an expression that Tom knew perfectly, it was the look that hid something. Tom had not taken noticed how much he had missed her, and because of his recent realization of his feelings for her, it was a little hard work not to get dizzy or stunned by her.

He knew that it probably was the right time to tell her everything he felt for her, yes, it was time. These six months without her, him working and her in Latin America, it was impossible to contact her, so even if they had been apart for a while he knew it could work out, after all, they were the best of friends. But they had so much to tell. Yet, it was time. He did not know how to tell her, though, going: 'hey, I decided to leave my playboy life for you, because I realized that all this was an act to cover the emptiness I have, and oh, I have always been in love with you.'

“So, now we’re finally alone,” y/n commented.

“Yes, I needed this,” Tom said, reaching over for her hand. “You’re cold.” 

“Well, I mean, I’m not used to this weather, spent 6 months in Mexico in Quintana Roo, quite a hot place, so I’m..” Y/N nodded. “It was good.” 

“You’re tanned,” Tom smiled, as he watched her. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, her eyes flickering and the way her smile was lopsided. She didn’t need the red dress or all the makeup, all she needed was that smile she had.

“Yes, and you’re pale,” she chuckled.

“I…” He wanted to tell her. “I...missed you so much,” he said.

“I know,” she laughed. “I missed you too… Hey, so at what time’s the party?” 

Tom blinked. “The…?” 

“It slipped from Haz,” she chuckled. “I mean I can still act surprised when we arrive,” she laughed. 

“You were not supposed to know,” he rolled his eyes. “It’s later…” 

“Yeah, and I mean, Haz not wanting to hang out? And you bringing me to the park?” She grinned. “That’s a nice way to stall around.” 

Tom gulped. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“What’s got you all nervous, Tom?” She pointed out. 

“I mean, all this time has given me a lot of time to think,” he gulped. “I… feel like we truly have been avoiding this and I don’t…”

Y/N gulped. “Tom, you’re my best friend,” she said. 

“Yeah, yeah, and you’re mine,” he said. 

She stepped right in front of him, she was tense. “I need to tell you something.” 

“You do?” Tom asked, squeezing her hand. Her phone started to ring. "Look, that’s that’s… a coincidence, y/n there is something ..." That was a start.

“Wait, I need to take this…” She took her phone and walked away. Tom sighed. 

Suddenly, a big smile was on her face. “Tom, we need to get back to the hotel!” 

“Back to the…?” He frowned. 

“Yes, you’ll understand,” she said as she dragged him back to the car. 

She spent the whole ride texting. Tom wasn’t concentrating while driving. His heart was going to bump out of his chest. The ride was rather quick. 

They went to the hotel bar. They both ordered a beer. 

“Y/N, I really need…”He gulped. “I… y/n, you’re my best friend in the world, and this 6 months,” he started out again. But she kept her eyes glued to her phone. 

“What?” She looked up. “Sorry, sorry, what were you saying?” Y/N gulped. 

“y/n can you explain--?” 

"He's here!" She shrieked excitedly, as she looked down at her phone again. She sketched a mischievous smile, Tom looked at her confused as she made her way to the entrance where Tom observed she hugged a stranger. He saw Anna there as well, smiling. What was happening?

The man was bold and handsome, they were holding hands when they arrived, causing Tom to want to pass out. He saw him. He saw him. The hazel-eyed handsome boy he had seen on her Instagram. The tan big boy on her Instagram.  The guy who had had his lips on y/n’s. Jealousy was a word that fell short for what he was feeling. Tom decided to order a whiskey.

"Tom ... I want to introduce you, to the love of my life," y/ n's voice was shrill. "Miguel."

“The…? What?” Tom felt that his stomach burn, and he knew that he was going to faint at any moment. Clearly, it was not the time to declare his love for her.

"Hello," said the boy offering him a hand, Tom shook it surprised. "I can not believe I'm meeting Spider-Man."

And Tom could not believe whatever that was happening was happening. It must be a nightmare. 

He looked at y/n’s mother who waved a sad goodbye at him. 

"Would you give me a moment?" Tom wanted to go to the bathroom to throw water to his face so he could wake up from this nightmare, but when he turned around, he made a waiter stumble over him throwing away his food. It was a complete disaster.

"Sorry, sorry," Tom apologized, as the waiter shook his head cleaning it. 

Tom sat back, ignoring the panorama. "What ... what...where were we?" Tom said as the couple took a seat and the waiter brought him his whiskey, which Tom drank before the waiter had even left. Tom ordered another whiskey.

"This is what you wanted to tell me?" Tom asked, nervously, unbuttoning the collar of his shirt. 

“You haven’t told him?” Miguel grinned, wrapping an arm around her. 

"Something like that, well, well, I met Miguel in Mexico," Y/N explained, unable to take her eyes off the handsome young man. Tom listened interested. "It was so romantic."

"Oh, and why did I not know about this?" Tom asked with as little poison as possible.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, and I also did not have time to tell you, or no phone whatsoever," y/n continued. "Wait, I did tell you! It's the boy I met the day I got lost in the jungle ... It was raining, my truck broke down, remember? And I mean it’s not like you haven’t seen my instagram pictures."

"Ah, it's him." Tom gave her a fake smile.

"Yes, it's me," said Miguel with an accent that Tom guessed was making y/n sick or something, because she looked… flushed . He had intense green eyes that were accentuated by his tanned skin. "Well, I just helped her with her truck, and that’s it."

"You're the doctor then, huh?" Tom turned to Miguel.  “He is … he is the guy from your stories.” 

"Yes! But, alas, Miguel here likes to takes away the romantic part, he arrived like a prince to my rescue. "

"Princes do not normally ride motorcycles," Miguel teased sweetly. Tom wanted to vomit.

"You do," she said as he kissed her. Tom poured down his whiskey, and the waiter watched and caught the situation and quickly brought him another one. "Well, that day, I had a free day, I was gonna go out and explore the town, I borrowed this truck from this family, it wasn’t like a new one but I thought it would…” She laughed. “Well, it was very old, and it started to stop working, and I freaked out… It started pouring and suddenly, it was just me surrounded by mud and just no clue where to go. Of course, I’m in damn nowhere because we were filming in the...Selva Lacandona. There are no street signs anywhere and it's getting dark.” 

“I think she thought she was in some bad Indiana Jones movie!” Miguel laughed. 

Tom just smiled. He felt like he wanted to die right there. 

“So, anyway, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Miguel comes riding a motorcycle,  and asks me if I need any help! He came to my rescue because I was completely lost, and he took me with him to this hut in the village, this nearby indigenous town, where he bought me the best coffee I ever had, he took care of my cold, we started to hang out, and we realized that ... we were meant to be. We spent the whole time together.” 

Debatable, thought Tom .

“We didn’t like each other at the beginning,” Miguel admitted. “Well, she didn’t like me.” 

“Is that so?” Tom asked with a fake grin. 

Y/N nudged Miguel. “That’s not true, I was just stressed that he seemed to be making fun of me such a city girl,” she laughed. “But he managed to make me fall for him,” she kissed him again. “I mean, you can’t blame I was so stressed… But then when we arrived at the town and I saw how kind he was with everyone, I just…” She looked Miguel in the eyes and kissed him again.

Tom rolled his eyes as he looked away. 

“So what were you doing there?” Tom asked Miguel. “Why is a doctor in the middle of the jungle?”

“I uh, I decided to live in the jungle for a bit, they usually don’t have doctors there and I wanted to help the village out,”

“Isn’t he the best?” y/n chuckled. 

“Indeed,” Tom gulped. 

"But well, how couldn’t I fall for him?” She chuckled. 

“Of course, how couldn’t you,” Tom clenched his jaw. 

“Long story short…” 

"You fell in love," Tom finished her sentence, the waiter had already brought him another whiskey. He started to sip this one slowly. He was sweating. 

“And ...Then I realized that she was about to leave,” Miguel explained. “I realized we had so little time together.” 

 Y/N finally pulled out her necklace, without showing the charm. She took it off and hid the charm on her hand. Tom watched her carefully.

“So I just realized that I couldn’t let her leave,” Miguel said, looking her in the eyes. “Because I fell in love with her the first moment I saw her.” 

You and me both, Tom thought. 

Y/N smiled, not taking off his eyes from him. 

“So I did what any man with sense would’ve done,” he gulped. “I got down on one knee and…” 

“We’re engaged!” She finally showed the charm, which was an engagement ring. She placed in on her left hand. 

Tom almost spat out his drink.

"What? How?" Tom blinked repeatedly as he watched them.

"He proposed to me and I accepted!"

"Yeah, well, that's what ... What?" Tom was cold. This was an even worse nightmare. 

"We know it's soon but when I see her, I look at her and I know she's the only person I need in my life, she's the answer to all my questions," Miguel said before kissing her.

"Te amo," she told him and then turned back to Tom."Isn't he adorable?"

"Yes, yes he is ..."Tom gurgled. 

"Yeah, well, and I know it's soon ... But, thw wedding’s coming together very quickly actually, we’re gonna get married back in Mexico, small thing, we don’t expect a lot of people to book a flight overseas in a month…” 

“A month?” Tom frowned. “As in new years eve..?” 

“Yes! I thought it would be romantic, to start my new life with him,” Y/N said. 

“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” Miguel smirked. 

“Very,” Tom frowned. 

“And it’s in a very pretty place, near where we met, in Bacalar, Quintana Roo…”She continued. “But anyway, I was here to ask you ... I know you’ll never get married, but I thought, you're my best friend, the bestest friend in the world Tom, so ... "

Tom could not say anything.

"I won't ask you for anything else, so Tom, would you be my maid of honour?"

"You ..." Tom began to feign a laugh, as he stood up. "Your maid of honour?"

The waiter arrived with another whiskey, which Tom knocked down when he stopped.

"Man!" The waiter complained.

“Sorry, sorry, but… I…” Tom couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “Your maid of honour?”

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[danyka-fendyr]

Absence of Good - 7

Chapter Seven: Naked

For once in my damn life I actually got inspired and this is what became of it. Basically I was thinking about Taylor Swift and rewatched the Miss Americana trailer (I’m waiting to rewatch the movie so I can do it with my aunt) and I just like...ended up in my feels? So I actually kind of really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too. Also shout-out to that one anon who binged the last six chapters and sent me an ask about it! I live for moments like that, truly.

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli

AoG Taglist: @pancakefancake @prettyboyspenerrr @youreasnack @alioop3818

Wordcount: 3290

Warnings: Dark themes throughout. Death. Murder. Some body horror. PTSD. Flashbacks. Trauma. Discussion of torture and kidnapping. Brief mentions of sexual assault.  

“I often don’t say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you’d never guess from looking at me.”

-Gillian Flynn

It was official. You were cleared for active duty again. You had passed every test they had thrown at you, and by every empirical measure you were fine. It was like nothing had ever happened. And so that’s how you decided this was going to play out. You were just going to act like nothing had ever happened.

You were going to bluff like your life depended on it.

Your first day back at work had to be perfection. You envisioned it in your head the night before, you built it, like building up a shield or a wall. Pristine, beautiful, strong. You got up extra early just to execute it, just to put on the pencil skirt, the red heels, the crisp blazer and the flawless makeup. All of it planned out, right down to the skinny vanilla latte with oatmilk. Just like a costume.

You were prepared for the barrage when you stepped back into the BAU. Penelope Garcia never let anyone come back from a long absence without at least an absurd amount of enthusiasm. Usually there was a surprise party involved. You prayed there was not a surprise party involved in your return today.

In fact, you were hoping there wouldn’t even be a case. That, just this once, the bad guys would see fit to give you a break. That maybe they wouldn’t kick a woman while she was down.

Your hopes were too high though.

Penelope’s squeals of delight and everyone’s sickeningly pitiful looks were cut short by Hotch.

“It’s good to have you back, Y/L/N.” Even stone-cold professional Aaron Hotchner looked softer, if that was at all possible. “That being said, I’m afraid we have a case.”

He didn’t patronize you by asking if you were up to it. He knew that you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. In a way, you were glad for the work. It would be distracting.

You were glad for it until the second you walked into the briefing room and saw the photos Penelope pulled up on the board. Then you were holding back vomit and taking careful, even breaths because nobody could know you were panicking. Three different women, all of whom had been tortured, then dumped. Sure, they hadn’t been tortured the same way you had been, or even by the same guy. That didn’t stop every last one of their faces from turning into your own.

You were under a magnifying glass here though, and you couldn’t break composure even for a second. They couldn’t know. So you practiced your breathing techniques, took careful, measured blinks, and listened the best you could. You swallowed perhaps a little too rapidly, relying on your latte to hide that you were just stopping yourself from crying. In a room full of profilers, the stakes had never been higher.

“Alright team. All of these women were found in the last month in North Dakota. As you can see, there are clear signs of torture, and there is also evidence of sexual assault. It appears the assault was ante-mortem, but there are no signs of remorse in the way the bodies were dumped. All of these women were in different, clean clothes, and their bodies themselves had been cleaned up. You can see that injuries were stitched back together, and the only blood on the body appears as stains from where it sat on the skin too long and couldn’t be properly removed.”

“So we’re dealing with a doctor?” Morgan asked.

“I don’t know about that. These don’t look surgical. They seem pretty messy to me,” Rossi said.

“The coroner’s report from the first victim would indicate that this isn’t professional work.” Hotch folded his hands in front of him.

“It’s entirely possible this guy’s a germaphobe though.” You made an easy contribution, something to satisfy everyone without drawing suspicion.

“You know, it’s not unlikely.” Spencer leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together thoughtfully. “Approximately 9.1% of American citizens do have phobias. It wouldn’t be too radical to suggest that maybe our unsub does as well.”

“Okay, so we’re dealing with a germaphobe who can’t sew. Doesn’t narrow it down much. I’d say we need to get out there and see what’s going on ourselves,” Prentiss said.

“Wheels up in 20.”

 The plane ride was long enough that you were able to sleep through most of it after tossing around ideas. You found your own quiet little corner of the plane and promptly pretended to sleep so that no one would bother you. In reality you hadn’t slept well in weeks and couldn’t risk sleeping now in case you woke up out of a nightmare, but as far as the team was concerned, you were to be left alone. 10 minutes before landing you “woke up” to listen to Hotch giving out assignments.

“Morgan and JJ, I want you checking out the dumpsites. Prentiss and Y/L/N, go talk to the M.E.”

“Hotch, I really think I should go with Y/N.” Your entire body tensed at Spencer’s words. “We tend to work really well together and especially with a case like this I think my medical knowledge could come in handy. I might be able to figure something out from looking at the bodies and examining the stitches.”

Hotch paused for a moment. “Alright then. Reid, you’re with Y/L/N, and Prentiss you can stick with Rossi and I.”

“That works for me.” Prentiss shrugged. “I have an old buddy who used to work for the Bismarck police department. I’d like to see if he still does, see what I can find out from him.”

“Good. Then it’s decided.”

 Hotch could not have picked a more awkward person for you to be trapped in a car with. Of course, you supposed Hotch hadn’t picked him, he had volunteered. You wondered if he could tell something was up with you, or if it was just instinct. If sharks could smell blood in the water, Spencer had a nose for you being in any kind of emotional distress. Right now you wished that he didn’t.

5 minutes into the drive he spoke up.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

“Yeah. Just tired.” You lean your head back further into the nook between the seat and the window frame.

“You sleeping okay?” Spencer’s brow furrowed as he glanced over at you.

“Yeah, fine.” Lies, lies, lies. “I was uh…out late last night.”

“Oh.”

You stared out the window, watching the scenery. This time of year there wasn’t much to see in North Dakota. Just frigid, icy wasteland. You dreaded getting out of the drowsy comfort of the nice warm car.

“On a date?” Spencer’s voice sounded off somehow.

“What? No.”

Maybe too quick an answer, but it was a ridiculous suggestion. You? On a date? In your dreams.

“Some friends of mine from college were in town. We went out and got a few drinks before they had to head back.” Always make sure the witnesses are conveniently unavailable.

“That must have been nice.” Spencer smiled.

“Yeah. It was good.”

“So other than that, how have you been?”

“Good. Great, really. Itching to get back to work though.”

“Really? Wasn’t the break nice?”

“Nice, but boring.” You pulled your sleeves over your hands.

“I guess.”

Spencer pulled into the parking lot, safely sliding into one of the available spaces before coming around to open your door. You frowned slightly. He had never done that before. If he was babying you now just because of what had happened you were going to kill him.

Mad. Mad was new. Mad was good. You decided to pursue that.

“Why open the door? I can do it myself, you know.” Your voice carried more hostility than was warranted.

“I know,” Spencer said, blushing. Blushing? “I just thought it might be nice. Plus with all of this ice you could get hurt. Did you know that 1 million Americans are injured slipping on ice annually?”

Ah. So he was babying you.

“I’m fine. I can handle a little cold, Spencer. Now come on, we have bodies to look at.”

You stormed ahead, determined to leave him standing there alone in the cold. What happened instead was far less triumphant and dignified. You slipped. On ice. And Spencer caught you. And then subsequently did not slip.

“See?” A smile played on his mouth as you looked up at him through your snow-coated lashes. “Dangerous weather conditions. But you’re right, we should get inside.”

He righted you, unfortunately causing you to leave his warm embrace, and looped his arm through yours as you two headed into the coroners.

 Seeing the bodies in person was worse than you thought it would be. The smell of the formaldehyde felt like it was seeping into your pores, like it would never leave you. The gleam of the metal tables seemed to whisper, “This could have been you.” The icy cold Bismarck air turned your skin to something lifeless, something that belonged underneath one of the sheets hanging over the victims. After all, what was one more dead girl?

It took everything you had to keep it together. Even then you let Spence do most of the talking.

“So these stitches, they’re not surgical,” he established.

“Well see, that’s what’s interesting about this. The first ones certainly don’t seem surgical. They’re far too messy. The technique is good, but the execution is falling apart. But the second body is far more orderly, and the third is nearly perfect.”

“So our unsub has been practicing.” The horror in your voice shone through.

“It would seem so. But here’s what else is interesting. The chemicals used to clean these girls up? They make the same progression. At first, household cleaners, hence all the staining. But then they move to medical grade stuff.”

“Wait…could we be dealing with a medical student here?” You asked.

“It’s entirely likely. However, I would bet that whoever did this is looking less to be a surgeon and more to be a coroner themselves. Look at the cut patterns.”

You froze. You didn’t want to look. You couldn’t look. You could feel your scars burning in your sides, white hot, the metal slicing through you, tearing you to ribbons.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

“As the victims progress, the pattern becomes more and more organized, until it almost looks like…”

“An autopsy,” Spencer finished.

The coroner nodded. “So I certainly wouldn’t rule out medical students, but if I had to take a guess…”

“We’re not looking for a candy striper,” You supplied.

“We have to get this to Hotch. Thank you so much for your help.” Spencer took the folders offered before following you back out to the parking lot and into the car.

 As it turned out, your suspicions were correct. The unsub had been studying to work as an M.E., until they discovered that cadavers just weren’t enough. Sublimation can only take you so far.

They began seeking out more lively victims, their psychopathy making them seem no different than a cadaver. To this unsub, people were just meat to be used and then hacked up. He would never be seeing his medical license though.

You should have felt good. Should have felt on top of the world about solving a case, especially being able to do it so quickly. Instead, you just felt a cold sense of dread about having to go home to your nightmares. On the plane, you once again feigned sleep, with the goal of slipping away from the others when you touched down. No such luck.

“Good, you’re all back! I have a surprise for our favorite returned agent. That’s right, it’s tequila time! We’re all going out for drinks, totally non-optional. And when I say all of us, I mean all of us.” She glared pointedly at Reid. “Even the good doctor.”

“Penelope, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.” Spence looked over to you.

For the first time that day, you allowed yourself a moment of weakness. You had gone through a lot, you had sat through that briefing, you had looked at those bodies. You could have a little bit of emotional vulnerability. As a treat.

You looked at Spencer hopelessly, practically begging him to save you from your surprise party fate and somehow get Garcia to call the whole thing off. You couldn’t do this. All you wanted was to go home and take a nice hot shower and curl up alone.

“Okay,” Spencer said. “I’ll go.”

Penelope cheered, overwhelmingly excited about the development.

Morgan chuckled. “Baby girl, we better go before he changes his mind.”

“Oh! Right!” And with that she was off.

 The very last thing you could have possibly needed right now was a bar. It was loud and noisy and crowded and all together far too much for you to handle. You supposed you should be thankful it wasn’t a club, but you couldn’t find it in yourself. You didn’t want this right now.

You didn’t want glowing neon lights or the wine cooler you were pretending to drink to make Garcia happy. You didn’t want music that was slightly too loud or a football game playing in the background. Most of all, you didn’t want all of these people touching you. Every graze was like someone was running nails down a chalkboard. You would have rather had a cheese grater on your skin, would have rather peeled it off and torn it to pieces.  You had to get out of there.

Your salvation came from the source of your doom.

“Well guys, I think I’m going to head out,” Spencer said. “It’s getting kind of late and I have a documentary I was hoping to catch.”

“Alright, well, we’ll see you soon okay boy wonder?” Morgan raised his glass in salute.

“Actually, perfect timing Spencer. I was wondering, do you think you could drive me home?” You had originally carpooled with JJ, having taken public transportation to work that day. Oddly enough, you knew Spencer had brought his car. “I’m totally wiped out after last night.”

“Oh, right, you had your thing with friends!” He remembered. “Um, sure, yeah. I guess your place is on the way to mine. The more the merrier!”

Garcia tried to convince you to stay, but Spencer maintained the role of a beautiful, beautiful excuse. With your combined efforts you were able to navigate your way out of the clutches of Penelope Garcia and into the cool, quiet car, where mercifully no one was touching you.

Your apartment wasn’t far from the bar, but you were irritated to find that Spencer insisted on seeing you up. You were tired of this patronizing behavior. You didn’t need to be coddled, you needed to be respected. You thought he of all people would be the one to always respect you, but apparently not.

You stopped outside of your door, keys in hand as you looked up at him. “Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“Why are you treating me like I can’t be left alone for 5 seconds? You’re babying me. Stop it.”

“I’m not babying you,” Spencer said. “I’m concerned about you. You just came back from a traumatic experience, and I just…don’t think you should be left alone right now.”

“So what, you don’t think I can handle myself?” You turned to face him, livid under the glow of the overhead light. “Because I have plenty of scars now to prove I can. I’m a survivor, Reid. I think I can walk myself up a few stupid stairs and unlock my apartment door without supervision. Did Hotch put you up to this? Wanted to make sure I was ready to be back in the field?”

“What? No! Of course Hotch didn’t put me up to this. He would never do that. He respects you and believes you’re more than capable of doing this job.”

“Then what? Who’s telling you to do this?” You took a step closer, getting in his face.

“No one! I’m doing this because I care about you, Y/N, and when you were taken it was one of the worst moments in my life. I’d never been that afraid of anything before, not even when I was kidnapped. And I just kept thinking how scared you must have been, how alone you must have felt, and I…I don’t want you to feel that way now. I don’t want you to feel alone. No one is making me do this. No one is watching you, waiting for you to breakdown. It’s just me, Y/N. It’s just us.”

You wanted to melt into the way he said us. Wanted to tell him everything, wanted to let him count your scars and tell him you were afraid, you were alone. You wished that you could.

“Well thank you for your concern, but I don’t need it. Everything is fine. I’m fine. We’re…we’re fine.”

It was the last words that gave you away. The tremble in we, the unsureness.

“Why won’t you let me in? Why can’t you let your guard down. Take all of this composure and just…lose it a little?” Sweet brown eyes snuck their way in, securing themselves around your heart.

All day, you had been trying so hard to keep it together. To put on a mask and pretend that everything was fine, because that was what you needed everyone to think. You needed all of them to see you as competent and capable and someone they could look up to and respect and love, but it was just…it was just so much pressure, all the time, and normally you could handle it but now? Now it was too much, all of it all too much.

“Do you know why I can’t just lose it? I can’t fall apart because people are watching and it doesn’t matter to them what happened to me. Nobody cares about anything but right now and right now what I know is that they take your pain and they turn it into a joke. Because that’s what people do Spencer. That’s what people do when they don’t like you. When you get hurt, that’s funny. When something terrible happens to you, it doesn’t matter how bad it is, you deserved it. Gosh, can’t you understand that? Don’t you get it? It’s not just that I don’t want people seeing me hurt, it’s that I can’t let them. Because you know what hunters do when they see a wounded animal? They kill it. And I’m…I’m…” You choked.

You choked on all of it. Not just the words, but the fear, the horror, the overwhelming gut-wrenching spiraling episode you were falling into. You didn’t understand what was happening to you anymore. You just knew it hurt. It hurt so bad.

“Look at me.” Spencer spoke softly, not daring to touch you. “It’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel it. You don’t have to stop.”

“I can’t…I can’t…”

You couldn’t stop the tears from coming down your face, the tight ache in your chest, all of these feelings catching up to you like you never could have imagined before this.

“He hurt you. He hurt you very badly. Nobody expects you to just bounce back from that. Nobody needs you to be okay right now. It is not your job to be okay.”

You fell into him. Collapsed into his body that caught you like he had been waiting, like he knew this would happen, like he knew you better than you knew yourself. Knew your body, knew your pain, knew your heart, and was holding it all together, even raw and bleeding and naked as it was.

And you let go.

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

-Lois Lowry

[like-the-wings-of-butterflies]

This Moment In Time (Racetrack Higgins x Reader)

Summary: Upon moving into your first apartment with Race, you’re reminded of the moments that led you to where you are

Warnings: Some mild angst quickly followed by sweet sweet fluff because I’m an absolute sucker for it

Word Count: 2,244 (this is longer then any of my usual stuff wtf)

A/N: I KNOW I’M A QUEEN BLOG BUT I NEEDED TO WRITE THIS AND DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SETTING UP ANOTHER BLOG TO POST IT SO ENJOY SOME OF MY OTHER FANDOM NONSENSE

A.K.A - I rewatched Newsies for the upteenth time (god bless you disney +) and it sparked an idea which is only a tiny little bit self indulgent

Feedback and comments are always appreciated! ♡

“So this is it.” You breathed into the darkened room, a smile dancing on your lips.

Race placed the burning candle in the centre of the one room apartment before rising to his feet again and grasping hold of your hand. The gentle flickering glow revealed that the small apartment. It was neglected to say the least, paint peeling from the walls, dust-encased windows and the odd squeaking floorboard; certainly a step up from the lodging house however. “I know it ain’t what we were dreamin’ of, not even close, but it’s-“

“It’s got a roof and it’s got you,” You finished for him, squeezing his hand in assurance with an honest smile despite him barely being able to see through the darkness. “It’s perfect. Nothin’ a bit of cleanin’ won’t fix.”

Truly, you couldn’t help but fall for the mess that was Racetrack Higgins. When you first showed up on the doorstep of the lodging house at the age of 13, it was Race that volunteered to take you under his wing and teach you the fine art that was selling newspapers. Staying as his selling partner permanently wasn’t exactly part of the plan, either was becoming one another’s best friend, but the pair of you couldn’t imagine selling with anyone else; having grown too accustomed to each other’s company.

He’d always flirt with you - as he would with every other person who’d give him the time of day— flattering you with compliments and cheesy pick up lines at every opportunity. You’d flirt back of course, not being able to resist the handsome blonde’s charm, but at the cost of catching feelings; no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, a childhood crush steadily emerged, turning the heads of the other newsboys.

But as the years progressed, you both matured into young adults. Your experiences bringing you closer together as you grew fonder of one another day by day.

Never in your entire life did you think you’d be living anywhere else but the crumbling walls of the lodging house or in one of New York’s damp alleyways. Yet here you were, hand-in-hand with your fiancé, settling into your first home together. Many were shocked that you were engaged at such a young age, but neither of you could truly see yourselves without the other in your life. Now too old to live in the lodging house, Race ironically managed to find work operating printing presses, and you as a server at Jacobi’s. In a unlikely twist of fate, you managed to earn enough money to move into the small apartment and support yourselves, all while keeping a close eye on the other Newsies.

“Should we check out the penthouse?” Race grinned ear to ear, running to the window upon your nod. He wrestled with the frame for moment before it opened with a satisfying ‘crack’ that echoed through the apartment, before stepping out onto the fire escape.

“M’lady~“ Race offered his outstretched hand with a charming smile, helping you step onto the raised surface. Your breath hitched as you saw the landscape in your surrounds. You were about four floors up which made the view expansive, and you suddenly became keenly aware of how many beautiful sunrises you’d be able to watch from your current position. You’d been in Jack’s penthouse on a couple occasions, but never just to sit and admire the view.

“How the hell did we make it here Racer?” You breathed in awe as you watched lights and lampposts decorate the otherwise dull streets of New York, like little stars in a blackened sky.

Race wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a sweet embrace, your back pressed against his chest and his head resting on your shoulder, “I was just the prettiest Newsie you’s had ever seen and you’s couldn’t help but fall for me,” He teased, pressing a long kiss against the side of your neck as he giggled lightly to himself.

“You don’t think growin’ up or working together our whole lives had anythin’ to do with it?” You jested back, reaching a hand behind you to fiddle with the curls upon his head as you closed your eyes and leaned into his embrace.

“Absolutely not. But the strike?” He mused thoughtfully, “That’s when I realised I loved you.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was no surprise waking up to Race sitting on the cold floorboards beside your bunk the night after the strike had been announced. Your beds weren’t too far from one another and Race always slept lightly, often being the call of comfort whenever anyone was having nightmares. He gently shook you awake while brushing away the tears that stained your face, smiling lightly once your eyes opened.

“What’s goin’ on Doll?,” He whispered out, careful not to wake the others, “Why you’s havin’ nightmares?”

“I’m scared what we’re doin’ is gonna get us all hurt,” You croaked out into the darkness, doing your best to hold back a sob. “That we’s gonna end up in the Refuge.” Nobody was oblivious to the chances of the strike ending in violence, the stakes were high; you were only a group of kids fighting against one of the most powerful men in New York after all.

Race’s hand stilled on the side of your face, his warm palm flat against your cheek grounding you and bringing you a sense of comfort. He could see in your eyes just how scared you were.

“I’m scared too,” He admitted before pausing, seemingly collecting his thoughts, “But we’s gonna be okay. Jack and Davey are smart, they’s know what they’re doin’.” He vowed, taking hold of one of your hands and rubbing his thumb against your knuckles.

You both sat in silence for quite some time, both too distracted by your thoughts swirling around your heads. As you felt your eyelids growing heavy, you lightly tugged on Race’s arm who brought his eyes up to meet yours.

“Stay with me?” You queried, eyes hopeful.

Without so much as a second thought, he lifted the thin sheet covering your body before sliding into the small bed, his chest pressed against your back, “Anythin’ for you (Y/N).”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few days later, when the bulls attacked, you were an absolute mess; much like the others. In such a short amount of time, your entire world had flipped upside down and everything was shrouded in a new sense of seriousness.

Of the entire group, Davey, Mush, Albert and yourself had come out relatively unscathed - save for a couple bruises - meaning you’d been tasked with patching up the others who weren’t as lucky. You’d just finished tying up Les’ arm into a sling, only as a temporary measure however, just to stop the energetic boy from exercising it too much until he got home. You bargained on the fact that Mrs Jacobs would have a far better fix to his seemingly broken arm, knowing that if worst came to worst, the family could afford a doctor.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” You grinned softly as you walked towards Race in the back corner of the lodging house, shrouding himself in the shadows of the late afternoon sun.

“Ha ha.” He imitated, his usual playful attitude absent as he refused to look in your direction.

Something wasn’t right.

With your bodies facing each other, his legs hung over the edge of the table he was perched on as you remained standing. After a few moments of unmoving silence, you lightly tapped his knee, asking him to move so you could stand between his legs. He complied, but kept his eyes secured to the wall on your right. Slowly, you reached out to cup his jaw with a gentle hand, tilting his face to meet yours. You face fell the instant you saw the extent of his injuries.

His left eye was swollen shut, with hints of black already forming on the delicate skin. His chin was tinged an unforgivable red from where he’d wiped away the blood from his busted lip and damp trails ran from his watery right eye.

He’d been crying.

Your own tears welled up when he looked you in the eye, and you found yourself biting your lip to stop any from falling.

With your other hand, you grasped hold of the brim of his worn hat and placed it on the table beside him, letting the mess of curls fall lose against his face.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded solemnly, bringing a hand up to wipe away at his own tears before resting his head against your chest and wrapping his arms around your back, “You?”

“Just shaken up.” You stated, wasting no time in wrapping your arms around his shoulders and placing your chin upon his head. The pair of you stayed like that for an extended period of time, without anyone questioning you. It was a hard day for everyone, no one needed to make it any harder. After some time, the sun had set and the lodging house was quieter then ever before. You longed to sit down and fall asleep yourself, your legs sore and aching. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb the heavy sleeping form of your best friend. The years of denial on your behalf, stating that you hadn’t caught feeling for Race were long forgotten now.

The things you’d do to make that moment last forever.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few days later, you and the other Manhattan Newsies had recovered for the most part. Physically, everyone were well on their way to healing, but emotionally there was still a fair way to go. Crutchie was still in the Refuge and Jack was still missing but everyone had managed to rest up while Davey reassessed the group’s future movements.

While the others sat glumly in Jacobi’s, you’d decided to go for a long stroll around New York to clear your head, musing the thought of visiting Crutchie in the Refuge. He was one of your closest friends, so sweet and so caring with an equally as vibrant personality, the thought of him in such a wretched place brought tears to your eyes.

You’d helped Jack smuggle food and blankets on too many occasions to count; how difficult could it be without him?

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the shout of your name from a long way down the busy street. Race’s figure came into view quickly, his chest was heaving as he sprinted down the cobblestone footpath towards you. Immediately, you panicked, thinking Race had been caught stealing cigars again and the cops were on their way but much to your surprise, he slowed as he neared you. Rather then desperation being painted across his features, his face held joy. Pure, unadulterated joy.

“We’s in the papes (Y/N)!” He gasped out, bending to place his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

“What are you talkin’ about Race?”

“Katherine got us in the paper!,” He heaved, sweat glistening on his forehead. He pulled the rolled up newspaper from underneath a strap of his suspenders, before unrolling it to the front page and holding it out to you, “Look! That’s us!” He beamed, pointing a finger at the image underneath the headline: ‘NEWSIES STOP THE WORLD’.

In your slight state of shock, you glossed over the story and mentally took note to personally thank Katherine later on.

You actually made it into the papes.

“You’s know what this means?” You queried, your smile transforming into a bright grin as you grabbed hold on Race’s hands, tucking the paper under your arm.

“We’re famous.” He finished for you, his grin matching yours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Newsies of New York City.” Jack addressed from the top of Newsies Square, Joseph Pulitzer at one side and governor Theodore Roosevelt at the other. It was nice to see him back where he truly belonged, the so-called ‘King of Manhattan’. You could feel your heart beating painfully in your ears as you awaited the news, the anticipation making every second feel longer then what it actually was. Race’s hand was tight in your grasp as you sucked in a final breath, “We won!”

The chorus of cheers that sounded was deafening. It was finally over. After two ruthless and unforgiving weeks of striking, and everything had finally come to a close.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realise you were holding and turned towards Race. Race grabbed your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, laughing and chorusing while you were grinning ear to ear yet entirely speechless.

When he pulled away, you were slightly disappointed with the loss of contact, but when his arms around your body were replaced by his lips against yours, the world melted away. Slow and soft yet fiery and passionate the same time, as unpredictable as Race himself. His hand moved to cup your jaw and draw you closer, your arms finding their way to wrap around his neck.

When you pulled apart, there was stars in both of your eyes.

“I love you (Y/N).”

“I love you too Racetrack.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You sighed lightly at the fond memories, feeling incredibly grateful for all that had happened in order to bring you to where you were.

“We’s really made it huh?”

Race briefly chuckled into your shoulder, before raising his head and placing another long kiss against your neck, “We’s really made it.”

[floralege]

2, 4, 17, 18, 29, 74, 79, 91, 99 this is a lot but (: idc

2. favourite television show from the early 2000′s ?

WELL  degrassi  owned  my  ass  in  the  early  2000s,  and  gossip  girl  owned  it  in  the  mid - late 2000s.  i  have  a  distinct  memory  of  my  cousin  and  i  skipping  out  on  a  sleepover  because  we  didn’t  want  to  miss  the  new  season  of  degrassi.

4. who is your favourite female television character of all time ?

i  have  many  that  i  love  dearly  but  in  all  honesty,  there’s  nobody  i  relate  to  more  than  britta  perry’s  well - intentioned  stupidity.  even  if  d*n  h*rmon  continues  to  sour  my  enjoyment  of  community  by  being  an  absolute  fuckhead,  i  still  adore  her.  i  just  think  she’s  neat  !

17. a show that you love to hate ?

gossip  girl.  it’s  totally  incoherent  by  the  last  two  seasons  and  yet  i’m  sitting  here  debating  a  rewatch.

18. name an episode from a show that you will always remember ?

the  suitcase  from  mad  men  !  my  personal  vote  for  best  episode  of  anything  ever,  and  i  think  it’s  probably  very  good  on  its  own,  though  it  obviously  helps  to  have  familiarity  with  don  and  peggy’s  relationship  for  the  emotional  weight.  the  VERY  best  episode  of  mad  men  ever  and  one  of  the  best  anything  hands  down,  i’ll  literally  just  rewatch  that  episode  alone  anytime.

29. favourite movie from the 90′s ?

clueless,  probably!   or  the  craft.  in  the  actual  90s  /  early  2000s,  i  was  watching  grease  nonstop  so  it’s  hard  to  say.

74. a movie that scared you/made you paranoid ?

the  strangers,  fuck  that  movie  to  this  day.  also  there  was  a  horror  /  thriller  that  i  wasn’t  meant  to  watch  (  my  mom  thought  i  was  sleeping  when  she  had  it  on  )  and  there’s  one  graphic  scene  that  stuck  with  me  but  i  literally  have  no  idea  what  movie  it  was  and  i’m  scared  of  what  googling that  scene  will  lead me.

79. an underrated movie, in your opinion ?

anyone  who  follows  my  letterboxd  /  twitter  will  know  this  but  honest  to  god  i  don’t  know  how  the  florida  project  got  slept  on!  that  movie  manages  to  inspire  every  single  emotion  at  once  and  the  content  of  the  film  is  strangely  familiar  to  me  and  idk,  it’s  so  special.  and  on  netflix  us,  so  everyone  watch  it  now  !!!!

91. pick a movie, any movie. now tell us your favourite scene ?

i  just  watched  you  were  never  lovelier  and  when  fred  astaire  asks  rita  hayworth  to  turn  around  because  “i  can’t  concentrate  when  you  look  at  me  like  that”   so  she  does  and  then  he  says  he  was  just  kidding  so  she  turns  back  around  and  the  way  he  melts  and  says  “oh,  you’re  terrific ... ”  it’s  unbearably  soft,  i  can’t  take  it.  also  in  almost  famous  when  william  blurts  out  that  russell  traded  off  penny  to  another  band  “for  fifty  bucks  and  a  case  of  beer”  after  penny  tells  william  she’s  in  love  and  she  looks  SO  heartbroken  but  does  her  sad  little  laugh  and  asks  “what  kind  of  beer?”  UGH  kate  hudson,  queen  of  the  single  tear.

99. best movie soundtrack ?

i  still  think  of  most  of  the  songs  from  the  2002  scooby  doo  to  this  day  SO.  also  josie  and  the  pussycats.

[lady-of-lies]

Snack Attack

A/N: As usual I am so, so, so sorry for not posting so much lately, but school is at it’s bussyiest right now before fall break and I haven’t slept in a week, but anyway, here you have a new albeit bad fic, enjoy

Prompt:  “You’re a hot ticket, my friend.”

Word count: 610

Warnings: Bad writing

Tony Stark x reader

You had awakened about three hours ago by the rays of sunshine flashing your eyes and making it impossible to just turn around and continue with the most fantastic dream of the century. As the hours had went by a familiar feeling that something was off made its presence known. It was too quiet to be the Avengers compound at nine thirty in the morning, no Thor had burst through the kitchen doors in search for his daily pack of pop tarts, no Bruce silently grabbing his favourite mug and filling it to the brim with coffee and there was absolutely no sign of Tony sitting at the kitchen counter with his morning drink and scheming on some horrible prank, joke, or both.

As a few more hours went by you started to get uneasy. Something was not right, you had encountered some of the missing members in one way or another, but there was still no sign of Tony. Well, whatever he was doing it was sure to end in one of two ways. Either it ended with some kind of explosion or it ends with someone else getting publicly humiliated. The latter ending was your personal favourite because it was always executed in such a fun yet harmless way you couldn’t help but like it, but you would never tell him that. His confidence was already way to high for his own good.

You had just started to believe that he had gotten kidnapped again when you got a news notification on your phone. That’s  weird. You never get news notification like that. And that's when you saw the headline and everything made perfect sense. Steve had told you a couple of hours earlier that Tony may have been called to an impromptu, yet very important meeting this morning but that he wasn’t sure. At least now you were a hundred percent sure where he was, on your phone there was a live broadcast from the local news station with a very peculiar headline.

“SNACK ATTACK: President hurt after getting hit with several sharpe Cheetos during a meeting.”

As you watched the broadcast you couldn’t help but laugh, it started out as an occasional giggle when the reporter said something extraordinarily funny, but soon enough you were a crying/laughing mess on the carpeted floor. The news anchor introduced him as Anthony Stark, known playboy, billionaire and the leader of the Avengers also known as Iron Man. He then proceeded to explain how Tony earlier today had been called to a very important meeting surrounding the continuation of the security upgrades provided by Stark industries.

 Tony had apparently been his usual self and brought a bag of Cheetos to a formal meeting, and then, as he had said to the press later on, he had gotten bored with the president's stiff demeanor and had tried to get him to loosen up, just a little, by throwing the remaining snacks from his bag on him so he would laugh, but he ended up being hit in the eye and needed “medical attention.”

When you finally managed to calm your breathing you just lied there on the floor, staring at your phone as you rewatched the broadcast again, again and again. You’re a hot ticket, my friend, you mumbled as you had a fond smile on your face. Sure, he may disappear a few hours without a warning, embarrass you immensely or anything else that made Tony stark to who he is, but he will always make you laugh on your rainy days and even more important. He will always come back to you.

Permanent tag list:

 @theincaprincess @deepestfirefun @indelwen-of-mirkwood @gaia-writes-stuff @sdavid09  @peter-pan-on-neverland @ek823 @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy

[justgleekout]

(i was tagged by @blurglesmurfklaine​, @princessblaine and @gorgxoxus thanks babes!! <33

rules : spell your url with song titles and tag 10 people.

(Imma do this with glee songs only cause why the hell not haha)

Just the way you are (Billy Joel version)

Uptight (everything’s allright)

Shout it out loud 

Tongue tied

Got to get you into my life

Let me love you (Mario version)

Everybody wants to rule the world 

Express yourself

Keep holding on (s1 version)

On our way

Up up up

Take me or leave me

quarantine asks :

•where are you isolated ??

With my parents! its mostly really nice though I miss my independance a little. 

•what are you currently reading or watching ??

reading: All the Other Ghosts by Rainjoy! (also just a lot of oneshots haha) 

watching: glee with the tumblr fam!!!! (glee rewatch everyday at 16:00h EST check the gleewatch tag for more information lol)

ALSO NEW SEASON OF SHE-RA IS ONLINE!!!!!! so I will DEFINATELY be watching that soon!!!! <333

•if you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time ??

Rollerskating!!!!! also meeting with friends at 1.5m distance :)

•any fascinating concept you’re studying ??

Idk I’m in art school so not much concept studying haha. I am making a magazine about female communication with 3 friends/classmates. thats really fun.

•what kind of acts of creativity / forms of art are you currently doing ??

I play guitar mostly, draw (for school and fanart) also try and write fic from time to time :)

•a song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment ??

Heart of the country - Paul McCartney

•favourite impulsive / “bad” coping techniques ??

Procrastinating on tumblr mostly.  I should be working right this second and I’m doing this..... and going to bed too late. 

•favourite healthy / “good” coping techniques ??

going rollerskating and playing huitar I guess. Also trying to be more mindful about what I eat. 

rules: bold everything that applies to you & tag 10 people you’d like to get to know better.

A P P E A R A N C E

I’m over 5′5″. I wear glasses / contacts. I have blonde hair. I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. I have one or more piercings (just the regualr ear piercing nothing else). I have at least one tattoo. I have blue / green eyes. I have dyed or highlighted my hair. I have gotten plastic surgery. I have or had braces. I sunburn easily. I have freckles (barely though). I paint my nails. I typically wear makeup (just mascara though). I don’t often smile. I am pleased with how I look (mostly). I prefer nike to adidas. I wear baseball hats backwards.

H O B B I E S A N D T A L E N T S

I play a sport. I can play an instrument. I am artistic. I know more than one language. I have won a trophy in some sort of competition. I can cook or bake without a recipe. I know how to swim. I enjoy writing. I can do origami. I prefer movies to tv shows. I can execute a perfect somersault. I enjoy singing. I could survive in the wild on my own. I have read a new book series this year. I enjoy spending time with friends. I travel during school or work breaks. I can do a handstand.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

I am in a relationship. I have been single for over a year. I have a crush. I have a best friend I have known for ten years. my parents are together. I have dated my best friend. I am adopted. my crush has confessed to me. I have a long distance relationship. I am an only child. I give advice to my friends. I have made an online friend (so many the past few months! I love you all so much!!!). I met up with someone I have met online (@missflurry​ <3)

A E S T H E T I C S

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell. I have watched the sunrise. I enjoy rainy days. I have slept under the stars. I meditate outside. the sound of chirping calms me (it reminds me of summer vacation uwu). I enjoy the smell of the beach. I know what snow tastes like. I listen to music to fall asleep. I enjoy thunderstorms. I enjoy cloud watching. I have attended a bonfire. I pay close attention to colors. I find mystery in the ocean. I enjoy hiking on nature paths. autumn is my favorite season.

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle. I am the mom friend. I live by a certain quote. I like the smell of sharpies. I am (was) involved in extracurricular activities. I enjoy mexican food. I can drive a stick-shift. I believe in true love. I make up scenarios to fall asleep. I sing in the shower. I wish I lived in a video game. I have a canopy above my bed. I am multiracial. I am a redhead. I own at least three dogs (or have at some point).

Iff you’ve already done this or dont wanna do it just ignore it hahah but it was a lot of fun!! <3 I tag: @klainetrashnumberone @crayonstoperfume @angel-hummel @lovelyklaine @cheesuswarbler @klainedrops-on-roses @missflurry @loveshackhummel @porcelain-nightbird @klaineitupanotch

[itsakurl]

My Reason | LTY

Genre: fluff, angsty  [warning: suicidal mentions]

Word Count: 2130

highschool!AU

Part 1: Just a quick errand

Part 2: Unordinary school day

Part 3: Reminiscing

“ You know...You miss him like hell.  Even though you two still talk...you haven't seen him since graduation.  You’ve just been traveling too much the past year that you weren't able to go back home where he was working his ass off as a singer.  You were happy for him though, that he was able to follow his dreams. “

ITSA FINALE!! MAKE SURE TO READ PARTS 1 AND 2 BEFORE YOU CONTINUE.  IF YOU HAVE THEN ENJOY!

It's been one year.  A whole year since you graduated out of that hell of a high school.   What had adulthood been like to you? Well, it’s better….you’ve become more confident, independent, and happier.  A whole new world for you……Okay, you admit….youve rewatched Alladin too many times over the years.  The soundtrack is starting to get to you.  

Well, nevermind that.  You were taking a trip into the hillsides of Japan.  Since you graduated, you decided you just wanted to take a trip.  A trip somewhere nice to where you’ll actually enjoy your time there.  Your parents were moving back to your old neighborhood where you grew up to retire and so you sold the majority of your things to be able to go on the trip, of course with the help from your parents.

The mountains beautifully inclined through your walking path as you continued step by step.  Tall trees overhead blocked the sun, letting small little snippets of light pass through the leaves creating the lit up the pathway.  

It's cherry blossom season.  Well, that's what the Old lady that saw you at the base of the hillside told you.  You stood still.  Looking up at the cherry blossom tree that happened to pass your way.  There you stood, staring at the tree as people walked around you.  After each passing wind, more and more cherry blossom petals fell from it...but you kept your stance.

Its been a Year.  A year since you and him went your separate ways.  Just a big ceremony could change a whole lifetime.  One moment you two are happy, ready to move on with your lives...and then you two are there, crying your eyes out as you walk out of the event.  

You still stared at the cherry blossom tree.  The petals still falling from all wi-

“Excuse me! Miss! Do you know where the shop is?” A young man that looked to be somewhere in his late twenties along with who seemed to be his wife and toddler.  “We tried to find it for the past thirty minutes...but we haven't even stumbled upon it yet…”  The wife spoke as she managed to get your attention by the crying baby.  

You were lucky to have passed the shop that was a few feet down the hill so you couple helps the lost family.  “Hmm..oh yeah, follow me” you started to lead them with no more words of explanation.  At least you’re doing them some good.

You know...You miss him like hell.  Even though you two still talk...you haven't seen him since graduation.  You’ve just been traveling too much the past year that you weren't able to go back home where he was working his ass off as a singer.  You were happy for him though, that he was able to follow his dreams.  One of his group members was from Japan and a couple of them were from China, so everywhere you went for your year-long trip...there was some talk about him.  It felt weird though.  You would see his picture in a few magazines and a couple of ads when you walked down the big cities in the places you visit.  

You weren't forgotten though...he still talks to you as much as he can, as well as calls you and face times you to catch up on each other’s lives...but why do you feel like that's not enough?!  Its been so long since you were able to see him face to face.  To talk to him in person...to hear him, to see him, to touch him.  To hear his soothing words that made you happy, the soft pats and hugs that perked you up when you were down...all of that, you missed.  Why did it ever have to en-

“Thank you, miss! Have a good day!” there it was.  The giant gift shop that held endless things.... it's a pretty big store….how in the hell did they place it on the side of a hill? The world may never know.  A gush of wind passed you, making you shiver.  

There it was again.  Another cherry blossom, now landing directly into your hand.  That's odd...maybe it's global warming….haha okay, but yeah, the cherry blossom thingy was weird, but its pretty….just a small perfect cherry blossom, touched by only the gushing wind.  You’re going to keep it.  

It's too pretty to throw away.

You headed back to your hotel, placing the cherry blossom on the desk in the corner of the room as you collapsed on your bed, passing out from the exhaustion that built into you.

-

There you were.  Staring once more at the dead cherry blossom flower that lay on your desk.  Would it have survived if you put it on water? You were never the flower fanatic anyways.  Death is something.  Maybe the flower was bound to die, but why so quickly?  It was just spring and the cherry blossoms are falling, one by one...dying as soon as they touch the ground.

They don't die on the tree.  That's the beauty of it you guessed….people only see them on the as they bloom new beautiful flowers...after they fall, no one cares about them.  They just die as winter comes until they reminisce the flowers that were there before.

It was too stuffy in your hotel room anyways.  You need to get food and the closest store was a few blocks away.  It was 11:36 am...it was almost lunch so you really should get something to eat.  Food, utensils, and a drink...that all you need right? Yes.  Okay, Lets Do This!

The convenience store, that is 7-11 because that place is great, was surprisingly huge.  It's like a whole target in a convenience store.  No one had noticed you come in, which was good...you were still in decent clothes...the ones you slept in yeah, so its better for people not to notice you right?

You walked through the aisles of the 7-11 and stumbled upon the huge, wait sorry….the HUGE ramen section you’ve ever seen.  Now that you think about it, why haven't you come to this 7-11 since you’ve been in Japan? You missed out on so many opportunities omg.

There it was.  You’re favorite Ramen that you and Taeyong used to eat every time he would come over to your house after school...Yeah, you knew it was unhealthy...but it was just spending time with him that mattered, not the ramen.  Even though the ramen was delicious.

Is that it? Is that all you came for? Oh god, now the cashiers are going to notice you. They are going to know that you just woke up because of how horrible you look, and including that you're only going to buy ramen?! That's an unhealthy lifestyle that you really don't want people to know….oh no! Okay, you should put the rame back.  There are salads...make you look healthy...wait, it might look like you’re trying too ha-

“Excuse me, ma’am..is there anything I can help you with?”  dammit, someone noticed you.

“N-no thank you...it goes-” Wait...why did that voice sound so familiar? You stared at your ramen for a good second until you turned your head towards the person who just asked the question.  After that, it seemed like time stopped.  

“T.Taeyong!?” He smirked at your reaction as he took the ramen out of your hand.  “I haven't eaten this in awhile, you mind buying me on-” You attacked him with your hug that added your love and affection.  That man was stuck in your head for months...It's not like you to just stand there and give him a simple hello until he was on his way out of your life.

“I missed you too y/n..”Taeyong patted your head after he hugged the life out of you.  

“Why are you here?”

“What?! You don't want your best friend here! I'm hurt”

“NO! I mean...i thought you were promoting in Korea...that's all”

“Well, the managers finally gave me a vacation...so, I came here”  Taeyong grabbed about 6 ramen cups and placed it into your hands.  “Six? Are you trying to kill us?”  You weren't that concerned about the amount of ramen, but like, Taeyong was now one of those ‘Popular Lovie Dovie kpop idols girls scream for’ and you don't want to the be witness to him ruining his health.

“Shh! We are spending quality time together AND ramen is going to be our life support”  He paid for it at least…

You and Taeyong spent the whole day together.  The truth was that the whole NCT U came on a trip to Japan for Yuta, but he had to come to you since he missed you like hell...who would’ve known amirite?  Anyways, You and Taeyong just laying on top of one another, watching sappy romance movies as you gobbled down your ramen and even ordered room service.  You two missed these days.  The days when you two could just spend together and not give two shits about the next day.  You and Taeyong were the unstoppable two, and you knew it.

“Do you remember that day I called sick into work to just spent time with you?” Taeyong spoke up as you lay on his chest, watching the romanticized date that played in those ‘top grossing’ movies that randomly popped up on Netflix.  

“Hmm… yeah, why?”  

“Did I ever tell you that my boss caught me when I was running home and made me do the closing shift?”

“What really? You should of went to work!” you shouted, lightly slapping his chest until you realized something, furrowing your eyebrows, “wait...didnt I call you to hang out? Why did you call in sick?”

“I was thinking about you, that's why…”

“Aww, you care” you smiled as you hugged him.  “Of course I do...anyways, what were you doing that made you call me?”  it was now or never… it's not like this was worse than anything else you did for him to deal with.

“Writing...a note.” Taeyong hugged you, indicating that you didn't have to further explain the note.  “You were...the reason I guess…”

“The reason?”

“Yeah...you, Taeyong, was my reason.  You know, my reason to stay, my reason to not leave… If you never helped me that day oof...what would have happened?”

“That carl, that random old dude at the store that looked like a complete profile, would have helped you and steal you from me”

“Yeah exactly” you two laughed,  you were happy.  And specifically, you were happy with your best friend by your side.  

All those movies, shows, books you watched and read, you could ask for any happy ending in them...the one you had now was all you could ask for.  It doesn't matter if you would have died.  If Taeyong became your boyfriend.  Even if you went any different path with your life...all that could make you happy was now, and you accomplished it.

The time you spent with Taeyong at the park the day after you two first met, you felt something.  At the time, you couldn't figure out what it could be, but now you know.  It took you a year to figure things out...but that's the time sacrifice.

You felt love.  Love for Taeyong, love for your life, love for you.  You were able to create this passion to live that previously died inside of you.  Taeyong was there to help spark it, but you were the one who needed to make the fire inside you bigger.

The Cherry blossom is a symbol of Beauty.  The beauty of life that is short.  That's why after each petal falls, it dies almost immediately.  But there's always that one person who would replant those cherry blossoms, restating a beautiful life one more for the spring.

The cherry blossoms are here for beauty.  They die once they fall… but in the worst, their reason for living are those who plant them…

You are here for changing the world for the better good.  One of these days you’ll feel out of place like you don't belong... But even in your worst, you’ll find your reason...

[fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher]

hello it is once again time for my end of the year wrap up. this should be... interesting

january

finally finally got to have a happy apartment experience!!!!! tried out tea drops which are dope. there was a fair amount of stress revolving around APO induction and the musical rehearsal, but we made it!!! partied hardy (the infamous tess in the washing machine incident) kelli was watching always sunny more often than not. i wore some arguably bad clothing but ya know. gays. we tried to take off my closet door (it did NOT work). the beginning of the goose saga! there was a sleet storm so kelli and i made some popcorn and watched mike birbiglia’s new special. darci, kelli and i went out to eat and then ended up in babcock playing air hockey before watching videos with kai who was on duty. PEP BAND???? some good memories formed there. dogs in the library! got bullied by my library boss to put gas in my car and i sent her a video of proof that i did it “daddy long legs” “stop. what?” “the musical” (i do love timothy) i actually practiced my instrument lol wild. WE (becky, celeste, timothy and i) WATCHED SPIRIT and got wildly drunk -- the origin of “[redacted] [redacted] who???” which is my favorite joke.

february

MORE PEP BAND im actually really glad i spent my last few college months dicking around with the band. one man drumline!!! kai made some good tiktoks in our apartment! miss hanging with them it was really fun. oh i hung out with sam and celeste watching movies “he was a boy, she was a dolphin, can i make it anymore [strangled dolphin noises]” OUR MICROWAVE HANDLE BROKE OFF while kelli was gone man that entire apartment was falling apart (hey dumbass grab from top) -- a list of things that were broken in our apartment: fridge light, front entry light, showerhead, phone. the birth of the beans insta!!!! got hit on when i was at taco bell with timothy by being accused of being trans (taco bell guy was not far off to be fair). oh the improv posters as compared to the posters i built for an organization fair. went out and got daRUNK at what appears to be wandas. really struggled with my period. cut hair with kelli n darci. MOZZ STICKS. “you still a lil bitch???” oh we did kpy pal-entines!!! where we ate good food and watched the princess bride!!! i received the plush goose. there was a possible bombing at the bank next door to where we rehearsed for band. aw i went on a tommy’s date with becky that was cute. they tried to STEAL the QUESO. disagreed with a curb and still have those scars. worked a horrible gig at the theatre. closing shifts at the library baby! middle school tours EW more library dogs! fish hooks song oh my god. drunk mash nights!!! i rewatched HAVEN and had lots of feelings. actually got drunk alone a lot which was Bad. however michael malloys birthday! watched choir concert at work lol. stats final whilst drunk!!!! becky got a piercing

march

here things go downhill rapidly. hit up the trains at least once. oh late library nights with timothy!!!! the best nights i miss hanging with him while at work. struggled with my car. went on a college sponsored adventure to a back alley farm. SCURVY FEARS. opening shifts that were lonely. oh celeste played plague and named it covid and won lol yikes. the infamous apartment cone. we stayed up long enough to see the sunrise on literally the last day in college I would ever have. that was good. I FOUND OUT KELLI HAD GLASSES im still pissed. came home indefinitely. went to st patty’s day at brookes with karrigan and that was SO much fun (this was before things seemed real) the best part of that was the irish pub owner who happened to have a son that went to my college. got my mom onto tik tok. took a gay lit class. can’t believe i took daily fckn walks around the pasture who was i. hosted virtual meetings for apo and played around with the closed captioning. that was fun. shaved my moms head lmaooo. worked on my capstone which im like super proud of? i wish i could have directed it but say law vee. 

april

BAGPIPE CORPS INTERNATIONAL. virtual band wreaked havoc on my animals mental health. my grandmother would always bug me while i was working which i understand now was misplaced love but it was so irritating at the time. we had library meetings once a week or so that was vital to mental health. hosted a really fun “panel” about queer identity for my queer lit class that was able to educate a lot of people. having a capstone class with am*lia was a nightmare. watched a cirque du soleil show for free and lost my mind. wrote a comedic monologue that i suffered through. suffered through papers and projects. worked on a project with celeste and kelli and we had SUCH a good time. i hosted several jackbox nights for both apo and kpy. that was SUCH an exhausting experience. also uno and drawful with the uno group (kelli would win 100% of the time). ranted about group projects lol i struggled. OH THE MOVE OUT DEBACLE i really went off the deep end. kelli’s virtual birthday!!!!

may

we had so many good jackbox nights. academic showcase and honors convocation happened wherein i was name bronco award winner and that really wrecked me too lol. we had a sunday crew hang out for library workers. clarinet game night too! i tried so hard to build community during covid and im not altogether sure i accomplished it but ya know whatever. watsky broke the record! made my “aced it” grad cap which was so FUNNY and still is tbh. becky taught me how to do makeup. took grad pictures at an abandoned farmhouse lol OH MY GOSH BEAUX ARTS AND APO SKIT i was so proud of that night and annette said it was the best one we’d ever had. wish i had done more but we did it boys. also got VERY drunk for it lol completely redid my room. bc it was NASTY. the way i write papers is so SO funny to me. had our last capstones class and then dressed in grad outfits for our last lit meeting . graduated and got all my stuff from college finally. went shopping with timothy, had el puerto with becky (i think?). oh the infamous miller moths UGH shit is nasty. THE FORMING OF BANJO SHRIMPS occurred on may 24 2020 and that was the absolute best thing to come out of this year. started working at my dads agency which was the absolute worst thing to come out of this year. attended my first protest in cos which was good and healthy. started protesting regularly after that. my most poignant memory was laying down in front of city hall and chanting “i cant breathe” for 8 minutes. 

june

it snowed???? i was angry. part of my job was reading my dad’s email and there was some WACKO shit in there. went to brookes for pride as a surprise which was cute n fun. had a horrible interaction with a client. the appearance of the bigfoot statue!!!! we had a vanilla beans hang out. there was a WILD storm that literally made my hide out in the office. 

july

went on a bonkers rant about america bc fuck this place. helped mom out with homework. we had several clients get divorces which was messy. went to a Bad party where i was angry the whole time. went to the top of pikes peak with my grandma and saw many much bigfoot things. we got a GOOSE he hated us so much. oh there was a night where darci and kai came over and we hijacked kelli’s spotify and communicated that way it was SO funny. took a video of the dichotomy of man bc of my long ass leg hair and short ass head hair. shaved my head to the BONE and tried dragon fruit. GOT NIKO ON JULY 24 my sweet sweet boy lil bat looking motherfucker. got denied for life insurance for mental health reasons. 

august

went back to hc for a birthday “party” and to see the band. did a lot in that weekend (stayed with timothy’s family, helped becky move, met kelli’s look-alike, saw timothy and karlie’s new house!!! had lunch with kellis family which is closest to “meet my parents” i think i’ll ever get lmao). got my prof headshots and hate every single one of them but more for self esteem reasons lol. neighbors got goats and my mom lost her marbles. got trapped in traffic on the way back from hc. niko had crackhead energy. oooooooh documented gender crisis. ma got more chickens. went to a birthday party for a high school friend and was just... so out of my element. its weird. took off my grandma’s bathroom door bc she had knee surgery. started a full time job as my grandmother’s caretaker (love working for the family business lol).

september

went to breckenridge with a friend!!!!!! spicy times lol. cleaned the cupboard. had a birf. turned 22. cas finished her drugs!!!! and felt much better. we did a charcuterie board for my birthday which was very fun. Got a mixer set!!! went to hc for homecoming and graduated!!!!! surprised celeste and hannah with a celebration party for them (it was a lot of fun). came up with my BEST joke (summa cum laude). got called tf out for my gender crisis via tarot. got the goose game!!!! played the goose game!!!!

october

applied to chicago center!!!! will now be working there for a year!!!! this was the first documentation of banjo shrimp nights. surprised my dad for boss day by working with the team to fill his office with balloons. house sat for dad’s friends. started taking showers in the dark. went to celestes and made PASTA wow got very drunk and while she slept i just explored a strangers house. voted!!!!! wow. finally (finally) started to accept that i was maybe agender. had a snow day but i couldn’t work so that was fun. had halloween with banjo shrimps where i dressed up as david rose. that was SUCH a good night. participated in ace week!!! then, dressed as radar for actual halloween and had monumental. worked a volunteer haunted house and like... actually did pretty good?? felt like a real adult!!!!

november

so many things happened in november. i finished miraculous ladybug on netflix. had another bad interaction with a client bc the customer is always wrong. shaved my head. PRESENTATION NIGHT to distract from the election lmao what a good time. had so many emotions about the election. then biden won and we lost our damn minds -- video called with celeste and becky to celebrate (with the reminder that we know that this doesn’t solve everything but it was such a huge sigh of relief). started watching the last kids on earth. made more PASTA and soup! got my GHOSTY TATTOO. kahoot night with the banjo shrimps lol. watched the supernatural finale with kelli (what good memories) rewatched 3below good shit. got the chicago job so i quit being an insurance person!!!! brooke came for thanksgiving!!!

december

i dont wanna talk about it but i finally started watching unus annus (theres an archive its not the same but it provided me wild amounts of serotonin). “call that invisible split dye”. crimmus. had a video call with people from high school i rarely if ever see. this entire month has been a fuckin blur my guys but i’m so excited for what’s next. in two days i will be in an apartment in chicago. i will be reunited with my best friend in a little under two weeks. i cannot emphasize enough how excited i am for this next chapter. so yeah. that was my year. im sure there was more memories but that’s what the sideblog is for lol

[letsgetnutsclub-blog]

2017

Previously posted by LGN XYZ on Facebook

Hello there.

Proper writers and ‘bloggers’ and that will have done their 2017 write ups already. Fortunately, we’re crap, and so we’re doing it now. It’s not quite over, but it’s pretty much over. The year. And other things.

That was a terrible intro. Quick! Look to the past!

Chronology

We were going to just move through the year, like these things often do, but on second thoughts: balls to that. Our memory’s knackered and we’re tired, and some FUCKING CUNT IN ANOTHER FLAT is banging the floor like they do. So let’s just group things in vague themes and crack on.

Oh, this’ll be us talking about music, by the way. We should have said that at the beginning.

Making a bloody racket

We love a bloody racket in musical terms, and oh man do we miss going for a boogie to a bit of drum ‘n bass. It’s a great finisher. Back when dubstep was newish, it was fine and all, but a set had to finish with d’nb or it was a snore. Hip hop’s good and all, but in a club it’s a bit samey and mid-tempo unless you ramp up to a bit of d’nb.

Anyway, at the beginning of the year, Emeli Sandé – yes, Emeli Sandé – put out an absolute banger. Breathing Underwater (Matrix & Futurebound remix) is an absolutely euphoric belter. Love it.

And euphoric rackets brings us onto PC Music.

We were already grooving along to Charli XCX’s Vroom Vroom EP. It’s a massive smash of fairly aggressively old/new sounding rave-ups.

It was from there, we think, we learned of your SOPHIE. In what will become a bit of a theme in this ramble, late to the party we discovered the PRODUCT stuff SOPHIE put out in 2015. Most especially we fell deeply, deeply in love with JUST LIKE WE NEVER SAID GOODBYE, which is an absolute beauty of a track. A drumless banger. Listening to it daily. LOVE.

Back to Charlotte, 2017 was the year where she evidently was setting some self challenge of releasing a new track every week or so. Of her fifty-seven collaboration, the Mura Masa one is our fave. Whilst that steel pipe (drum? glockenspiel?) sound is so very now it’ll sound so very old in a year or two, 1 Night is an undeniable tune.

But Number 1 Angel – Charli’s album-in-all-but-artist-description ‘mixtape’ – was a bit of a revelation. In 2016, the people’s queen of x Carly Rae Jepsen won everything with her album-not-an-album Emotion Side B, and in 2017 Charles did the same. This prompted us to launch our catastrophic opening hour gambit for LGNXYZ02, but more of that later.

Number 1 Angel is so great, we’ve conspicuously not listened to her SECOND bloody album-not-an-album Pop 2 – that she casually threw onto the stack at the end of the year, forming a pair of “I call them mixtapes” 2017 bookends – because we’re a bit scared and want to have time to appreciate it / holy fuck it’s got a standard to live up to.

Soz.

Anyway, the first of the two had a very snazzy website put together showing off the producers. A bunch of your PC Music sorts – SOPHIE, A. G. Cook, Danny L Harle...

Huge Danny is another we’d sort of let slip by. He did a song with Jeppo a while back, and we thought it was okay, but we’re NOT INTERESTED in anything Emotion-era that falls outside the Emotion and Side B+ sets (what Lil Yachty advert song? Huh?) and so we paid little more attention.

Anyway, he produced one of the best on N1A, called ILY2, and with a penchant for initialisms this year he released an EP called 1UL. We gave it a listen, and moved on.

But then later in the year, we moved back. And gave it many more listens. The title track (another with that bloody plonky percussion sound) is a great wee thumper.

It takes us a while to catch on sometimes. Soz 2.

Taking a while to catch on

Two big ones we got to late in similar fashion were songs by Tinashe and Dua Lipa.

Again, we listened to the albums when people were wanging on about them, and didn’t give them enough time. That’s one of the drawbacks of streaming. When we were kids, if we took a punt on an album, that fucker was getting listened to. It took us a good while to learn to love Breakbeat Era, but we put the effort in and got there. Now, we’re flighty and don’t give things the time.

But we love a good music video. And these two have absolute belters of music videos.

Company, by your Tinashe, is an incredibly impressive performance video. A single room, a few people, some cheaty edits to cover the joins in a sweatily energetic and near-relentless routine, it’s fucking great. She looks amazing. And the song, it turns out, is absolutely magic. A smooth-as-anything r’n’b thumper, with a very enjoyable bleepy noise thrown in there. From 2016, but for us it’s a 2017 jam.

And your Dua snuck in an all-conquering number 1 hit and vaulted from alt-pop to pop-pop on the back of an all-time great music video for New Rules.

The minor flaws of the slightly wonky head-nod bit and the girl getting accidentally whipped in the face by someone’s hair only make this gem shine brighter. It feels like a home-grown triumph – don’t spoil it for us by telling us it cost $1mil and was directed by someone super-established. The choreography is tremendous, the look is great, but more than anything the core concept is so strong, it’s hard to think of a narrative vid and a song that go together so beautifully. It’s so good. We rewatched it a zillion times.

And from love of the song and video came a love of the song. And going back to a few of her previous singles too. Well done, all involved.

Music videos are important

Maybe in 2018 we’ll get back into making them.

Dua became a big hitter thanks to that incredible music video. And some existing big hitters released some big videos too.

Katy Perry launched what is apparently now trad to call an ‘era’ with an astonishing music video for Chained To The Rhythm. A proper megabudget job, but really, really darkly bleak and upsetting. What with political things as they were and are, it is still genuinely affecting to watch. A big shiny pop video has never been so harrowing. It was a real “oh fuck, she means business” moment, and did the job in creating a massive wave of publicity for her doing ‘woke pop’.

She then followed it with a song making a blunt non-metaphor about fucking. Didn’t do so well.

We quite like Bon Appetit, though, and Swish Swish did a Sound Of The Underground whereby it grew on us a thousand percent thanks to hearing it sounding massive at a disco (Unskinny Bop, natch). Astonishingly bad video, though, providing a peculiar seesaw end to the ‘era’.

And unfortunately clashing with Taylor Swift bringing out her own megabudget megavideo.

Look What You Made Me Do is pleasing if only for the fact that it was another underline that big pop stars are still in the business of spunking big money on big videos. High score for spectacle, with odd grade slipping due to the fact the rush to get it finished evidently left the first half slightly out of sync.

The song’s alright, but Ready For It...? is the real banger. We dig it. Haven’t given the album more than one listen, though. Maybe we’ll come back to it.

Selena Gomez’s Bad Liar was a leftfield anti-pop pop smash that we liked and grew to like more. We’ve not given this video many rewatches because we find it faintly unsettiling in its own way (is she digitally de-aged in it? What’s going on?)

And switching musical directions in the reverse, Lorde came back with a surprise disco banger in Green Light. Again we weren’t sure at first, again it grew on us, again we played it at LGN. Our initial judgement is often pretty shaky.

What isn’t shaky however is our enduring love for Ariana Grande. LGN was in part built on a night round one of our houses, singing along to Spotify, accidentally playing Problem on loop and loving it. Confident outspoken feminist queen of casually shutting down douchebags whilst releasing banger after banger.

This year, the hundredth single off of Dangerous Woman, again an awesome video grew our love for a song. Everyday is a song that more or less passed us by on the album. But seeing her grooving around in her big puffer jacket whilst diverse snogging kicks off around her in the really fun video made it move up onto our faves list. She’s the best.

We’re not going to be able to say anything in this superficial and pointless ramble to do justice to the fucking awful nightmare of what happened in Manchester, so we shan’t try. It’s heartbreaking, and the One Love response had us in tears.

Memory

George Michael died last Christmas, and as with David Bowie and Prince, it shamefully took his death for us to dig back into his music. And in George’s case, fuck we remembered some belters. Freedom ‘90 is an incredible tune, and one we played to triumphantly finished LGN04. His cover of As with Mary J Blige is ace. Multiple Wham! megasmashes which should have been on our playlist all along, apologetically we remembered them.

We also reminded ourselves what an incredible album Music Box is. Can’t remember what inspired us to have a bit of a Mariah Carey dig – perhaps just closing with her as queen of Christmas in the last 2016 LGN, and then rehearsing the lyrics to Hero when we wanted to close with it this year. A very, very strong closer. So good we chose it twice.

And you know who else we rediscovered this year? All Saints, mate. We saw them live (supported by Melanie C and Sophie Ellis-Bextor, thankyouverymuch) and it was everything. They looked incredible, they sounded incredible, they played the old hits and the new hits, they looked like they were having a fun old time of it, it was brilliant. We never saw them way back when, but this was pretty unbeatable. They played Chick Fit, which made us happy as that is an underrated smash. And they made us check out the new album. AGAIN, something we slept on when we first heard it, but One Strike is a top tier groover. Hurrah.

The joy of being part of a pop crowd

The All Saints gig was at Kew Gardens, and we were wary of it being a yummy mummy sitdown picnic fest. Which it was, but with a dancing area right in front of the stage, which meant we could get right in a wee crowd of heroes to boogie around like it was an awesome club gig.

AND SPEAKING OF AWESOME CLUB GIGS. We saw Yelle. For the somethingth time, always great, and this time in Canada.

We were a bit wary early on as the support DJs were kicking out some ace danceable tunes and the crowd was extremely sparse, an the venue inside was very swish and new which can sometimes be a bit of an atmosphere cooler. But when they came on, the crowd packed the dancefloor and it went off. Banger after banger after banger. Yelle chucked out a bunch of singles in 2017, all ace, all massive live, adding to a set of just the best fun jumping around pop joy. Love love love.

We were in Canadia for a hol, but deliberately coincided it with Tegan & Sara doing a hometown Con X show. This wasn’t a rave-up, was in a big modern concert hall, stripped down and partially acoustic-y. But was the joy of being a part of another sort of crowd. A crowd that love Tegan & Sara. T&S spent two albums doing the big pop thing, and it seems like they’ve had enough of it for now.

On stage and in interviews, they’ve spoken of how they wanted to be prominent queer voices in the mainstream, but now want to retreat a bit because the mainstream is gross. They spoke of playing big festival and support slots with the audience not really giving a shit. So here they were, playing a big small show for an audience who really gave a shit. It was wonderful.

Two days later, and well over a day without sleep, we were back in London, in another big modern concert hall, seeing Camille at the Barbican. Camille is someone you really should see live. Her albums are often beautiful, and floaty, and dreamily lovely. Live, she turns it into a big thumping dance performance. We can’t describe it without making it sound several times more shit than it is; it isn’t shit at all. It’s clatteringly, physically brilliant.

New love

In a not dissimilar fashion, Chela’s Bad Habit video is worth a look. It came out this year, and has the handclaps and odd clothing and weird dance moves that aren’t a million miles from Camille’s show. We’d never heard of Chela before, but liked this song and video. And it prompted us to look into what else she’d done.

And holy fuck, she’s incredible. No album, a bunch of scattered singles over a few years, but such tunes. And so captivating to watch. It helps that she’s beautiful, but it extra helps that she’s got fully awesome seemlingly-DIY dance moves. We watched the video to Romanticise a million times. More than New Rules. It’s just her grooving around in a single shot, a few digital paint splashes here and there, but it’s fucking great, and the song is an absolute bop. A megabop.

We were hyper obsessed with Romanticise for weeks, playing it pretty much daily. It’s SO GOOD. And in the past week or so, we’ve gone the same for Handful Of Gold. Go and watch it, again and again. We can only hope Chela decides to pop over to London this year, because we will be there with our shapes ready to be thrown. She’s fucking great.

Four discos

Oh aye. We put on some discos.

In 2016, there were three LGNs. In 2017, there were four.

For LGN04, Saturday 4th February, we moved to sunny Dalston and the Moustache Bar Dalston and had a good old time. The now trad quiet beginning, and hopeless flyering of the empty streets, gave way to a busy crowd by the end. Someone requested Martha and went nuts for it when we played it, which was ace.

LGN05 was just one month later, on Satuday 11th March. We felt bad for the few people who came early doors, and we made a real mistake running out to futilely flyer again rather than start a dancefloor amongst ourselves. But again it came good, chums arrived, and the crowd again filled in at the end and was so happy singing along we did a double finish (there’s little better than having a crowd belting out Hero AND It’s All Coming Back To Me Now one after the other).

And then the Let's Get Nuts crew had a bit of a crisis meeting. It’d become very stressful, three of us organising a disco together, and we were getting a bit narked with each other. We had all sorts of extra-disco things to worry about, and rather than break up as chums, we decided to break up as a disco. Or at least go on hiatus, like your One Directions or your Sleater-Kinneys.

But here at LGN XYZ, we really needed the continuing distraction, and so spun off to do basically the same thing, just with fewer people prepping it and poking at the iPad. Our LGN chums still chums, they thankfully came along to provide incredible and invaluable dancing support.

We approached The Victoria and they gave us a post-gig slot on Friday 19th May. Like absolute idiots, we figured we’d inherit something of a built-in audience – the venue being home to G R R L S and PINK GLOVE, and us following a Two Piece Records gig. We kind of didn’t, and had another harrowingly quiet beginning as people were spread out within the actually-pretty-big pub.

But again – AGAIN – it came good.

Our chums kept us going early doors. A heroic solo-discoer was there throughout and encouraged our riot grrly tendancies. And a trio of Charlotte and Jeppo lovers cheered our alt-pop hearts. By the end, we had people strutting to Shamir and raving it up to N-Trance.

You can read about LGNXYZ01 in a separate post where we blethered on about that, and about LGNXYZ02, which on Friday 10th November brought us back to The Star of Kings, in our follow-up jibber.

And so that was that

2017, in bits of music there.

Run The Jewels probably deserve a mention too, as they keep our ear into a bit of hip-hop, whilst we’ve drifted away from paying much attention otherwise. Kanye’s still on heavy rotation. Lizzo popped out a couple of new bops. And Fiona Apple’s 2012(!) album The Idler Wheel... remains our go-to when we’re not feeling big and poppy and want to feel some feels and sing along with something sadder.

And in fact, let’s finish with something really emotional.

Annie Hardy, from your Giant Drags, put out an album called Rules at the beginning of the year. It packs a fucking whallop. Her partner and baby died the years before, and some of the songs are about that. It’s a record that can really kick the shit out your heart.

Start 2018 as you mean to go on.

This was an odd way to end this long and rambling post, wasn’t it? Ah well, it’s happened now.

Happy new year. x

[theonceoverthinker]

Marital Bliss? : Chapter 1 : A Cursed Life?

Disclaimer: I don’t own Once Upon a Time nor any of the characters, items, or settings.

New to my story and want to catch up? Start from the beginning here!

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter! I’ve been writing like a mad woman! Between editing the older chapters, writing the newest one, planning out the future of the fic, watching (and rewatching) the actual show, and ultimately re-defining what I want to do with this story, Once Upon a Time has all but consumed my soul. Then again, it was kind of doing that before! XD

Please review and enjoy!!!!

                                             “A Cursed Life?”

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Robert Gold found that his days had two highlights.

The first was waking up.

Beep.

Beep.

Robert awoke with a contented sigh. His left cheek was covered from the mid-autumn chill by the guard of flesh at its side while his right cheek was protected, albeit less so, by locks that bordered on the line between brown and dirty blonde, but stayed just dark enough that they were classified by everyone as the former. A heartbeat drummed against his ear, and it belonged to someone who Robert could tell was clearly awake, but was just as clearly trying to feign it in some mad attempt to make him forget the very sound pulsing against his opposing ear. Robert was almost insulted to see such a ploy being considered the least bit credible. He recognized the distinction between his bedmate’s every movement at any given time of the day perfectly, whether it be a heartbeat or the way his fingers trailed down his arms.

Real convincing, Miles.

Robert opened his eyes to an unsurprising sight. He was sprawled on top of his husband Miles’ stomach, his head resting on the other man’s bare, hairy chest, with various other limbs tangled as the only remnants of a satisfying night together. Miles, despite his silent bargaining, was indeed no longer asleep. His eyes were shut, but the more vocal snores that he let out as he rested were no longer audible and now resembled what the raven-haired man merely believed his snores to sound like.

Beep.

Beep.

The urge to quiet the sounds of the beeping alarm clock on his nightstand were only matched by the consuming temptation to not move out of his and Miles’ warm, affection-fueled cocoon.

Beep.

Beep.

It’s not going to stop on it’s own, is it?

Looks like my decision’s been made for me…

With a groan, Robert untangled his right arm from his husband’s and hit the alarm clock, ending its cries. However, he barely found himself able to do so, for Miles pulled his arm back the instant their separation became evident.

“Bloody alarm clock,” Miles groaned groggily, his eyes fighting to stay shut. “There’s no way that it’s already seven. I swear, one blink of the eye ago it was still dark.” Robert chuckled. It had become one of his bedmate’s favorite pastimes to deny the absolute truth of the device that slept directly beside him.

“The clock never lies, Miles, and right now, it says it’s seven,” Robert said. He tried to pull himself off of Miles, but his husband was determined to steal more time, the threat of being late for work be damned because he simply refused to be parted from the man in his arms. A hand bunkered down around the small of Robert’s back and the top of his torso was sealed onto Miles’ ribs. “Someone’s feeling in a stubborn mood this morning,” he continued to comment.

“Damn right I am.”

Honestly though, while Robert may have teased about Miles’ reaction, he had no genuine complaints about staying in bed for a few extra minutes. They nights may have been on the verge of getting longer, but that didn’t stop them from feeling as short as they ever were. Compared to facing the too-bright, too-loud, and too-lonely outside world, staying here, in the arms of the one person on this Earth who sincerely and wholeheartedly wanted him was easily the more appealing choice.

So, the couple stayed in bed, keeping each other cozy and happy. Early on, Miles’ stub dropped from Robert’s shoulders, from what Robert assumed was discomfort. Robert’s right hand made its way to the stub, the reminder of the hand that should’ve been there, and simply held it. Stubble tickled his temple, and his forehead stretched; that told him of the smile born of nothing but pure bliss he had earned from his husband for the action. Robert knew the meaning behind the smile, and while it was appreciated, for his purposes, it was completely unnecessary. The hand that once sat upon the stub he held might not have been there, but Robert never saw his husband as any less of a man for it. After all, disabilities had been a common part of their relationship for as long as the two had even known each other.

For Miles, it was his missing hand. For Robert, it was his limp, which bound his movements to the will of a cane.

Miles McAyesty and Robert Gold had first met in the hospital, the juncture where tragedy had dropped them both off. Robert was the sole survivor of a run in with a drunk driver that had deprived him of both a wife and a son. Miles was just a fisherman who, while helping to bring in a net of recently caught seafood, had suffered a bite from a shark hidden in the net’s confines that had cost him his left hand. Fate brought them together as roommates in a hospital, and seemed to leave them in each other’s hands, just as they needed someone to understand their plights the most.

At first, Robert didn’t speak to Miles so much as observe him. The man had a way of making light of his situation to the droves of people that came in and visited him. At first, it made Robert’s eyes roll. The man had lost his hand, and there he was, joking and playing around as if it meant nothing!

It wasn’t until later that night, when visiting hours were over and Miles did start asking questions did Robert understand: The jokes had all been an act, both a coping mechanism and a way to brush off unwanted interlopers in one neat little package. However, whether it be the effect of a performance too well conducted or the simple ineptitude of the hospital’s staff, Miles’ grave seemed to be all but dug, or at least it would have had he not interfered. Referrals for everything from handymen to hotels started flying from Robert’s lips before he even knew it, but even as he was coming to terms with his simple acts of kindness, he wasn’t protesting them.

Miles did the same in kind for him, given the differences of respects for their cases. Most people in Storybrooke, despite their tepid histories with Robert, often described by the townspeople as the uptight landlord with an even tighter grip on his control of the town than his portly wallet, at least had the decency to offer condolences for his losses as they were visiting Miles, but none made a truly sincere effort to assuage his consuming grief. It was pity, and Robert was soon enough more inclined to dismiss his visitors than anything after the condolences, lying about wishing to sleep or get his affairs in order.

Miles, however, was different, and after receiving his much needed help, really talked with Robert, rather than just to him. He would ask about his son and wife, but not just about the accident, but about who they were as people. He asked about how Robert and Lara had fallen in love. He asked about the cartoons Oliver would watch with him. He gave Robert the nickname ‘Rob.’

At first, Robert was convinced it was just pity again. He answered the questions, and while he admitted that the questions succeeded in making him feel better than anyone or anything else had up to that point, he questioned whether Miles’ curiosity stemmed from a place of genuine curiosity, as a settlement of an unspoken debt between them for the information Robert had supplied, or even just as a way of fighting off boredom or further contemplations concerning his new situation. When Miles was discharged from the hospital the following evening, Robert was convinced that that this would be the last he would see of the man.

Surely, someone so popular and beloved by the town wouldn’t waste too much thought on him?

Imagine Robert’s surprise when Miles showed up to visit him the next day, staying from noon until almost ten that night. As soon as he saw Miles there, prepared to give up an entire day of his life just for him, only out of the desire for his company, did Robert discover that Miles was getting him to, while not move past, find hope that he could someday move forward from the incident that had caused him so much pain. Miles urged and convinced Robert to take occupational therapy with him, cheering him on each time Robert learned a new skill, and buying him a drink when he was having too much trouble accomplishing the task of the moment.

It wasn’t a one-way support system either. The two worked together to format Miles’ apartment to accommodate his lost hand, and made sure that everything he would need would be safe and accessible. In addition, Robert made sure that Miles wasn’t over exerting himself. His later husband had a bad habit of feeling insecure about his hand and the abilities that had been hindered with its removal. As much as Miles liked to jest often about his strengths even without the appendage, Robert knew there were just as many occurrences when Miles felt weaker and that he owed it to himself to compensate for the disability. They would appear during the times one would least expect. He would be bringing in groceries or tidying up a room and while the lamentation wouldn’t verbalize itself, it would be plain as day to Robert. Those were the moments that Robert was there for. He, not through pitying dime-a-dozen speeches or fake gestures of compassion, but through examples, a bit of creativity, and the shared knowledge of their similar plights, spent many a night assuring Miles that he had absolutely nothing to prove, and that he was still a whole man in every way, no matter what he did or didn’t do.

They began having dinner together a few times a week, becoming each other’s closest companions in what amounted to no time at all. After a year and a half, feeling that he was finally ready to move on from the loss of his Lara, Robert asked Miles on a date, which was met with far more excitement than Robert had anticipated. As one date turned to many, Miles made a drawer for himself in Robert’s house. Then, on the one-year anniversary of their first date, Miles proposed with a glorious band of gold. Robert’s “yes” had the older man lose any semblance of self-consciousness for the moment and practically jump into Miles’ arms for a kiss. Three months later, they were married, and Robert’s house became their home.

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It took five minutes before Miles finally gave in and opened his eyes, the color of the summertime ocean greeting Robert. Robert never ceased to be amazed at what a gorgeous and stark shade they were.

“Well, if I can say one good thing about getting up early,” Miles started, “it’s that I get to wake up to a very beautiful face.” Miles leaned in to the face in question, planting a soft, yet passion-filled kiss upon Robert’s lips, and he could tell in an instant that it encompassed a thank you for last night. Robert, unwilling to resist Miles’ charm, immediately met his husband’s lips with his own. Miles pressed his tongue to Robert’s lips, and Robert immediately opened his mouth in response. He put his disdain for morning breath to the side and elected to ignore it as his and Miles’ tongue danced.

“Good morning to you too,” Robert said as they finally parted, smiling. Robert caressed the back of Miles’ head. Miles’ smile grew and Robert continued to tickle the short black hairs, getting the grin to a point where Miles was showing off his teeth. Robert loved when he was able to bring that about. Miles, in turn, started swirling around locks of Robert’s hair with his fingers.

Robert leaned in, and Miles, clearly expecting another kiss, closed his eyes in anticipation. But, when Robert got close enough, he turned so that his lips were mere centimeters from Miles’ ear.

“Come on, dearie,” Robert whispered. He tapped his husband’s lap. “We have to get ready.” Robert smirked as his partner reopened his eyes. Albeit rolling his eyes, Miles conceded, and finally removed his arms from Robert’s backside.

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After two quick showers, two quick cups of coffee, and one more kiss that Robert could at least say he made an attempt to keep quick, he and Miles were out the door.

Miles was dropped off first at the docks. There, the S.S. Fairyweather rocked back and forth infinitely alongside the pier, welcoming the staff aboard for another day on the water. Robert reminded Miles to keep his jacket on while he working, and Miles agreed, though his reaction was more reminiscent of a child agreeing with a parent so they could be left alone. Robert rolled his eyes. He’d been on enough boats with Miles, as well as had to care for his sick husband enough times, to know that it could get blisteringly cold out on the sea, especially with winter slowly creeping up on them, getting closer with each passing day. Miles preferred to dress on the lighter side, often complaining about how hot it got in the midst of doing the heavy lifting. Robert didn’t think he was wrong, per se, but that when the temperatures were less than forty degrees, some more caution could stand to be implemented, even if that meant his comfort had to be compromised to a degree.

Robert’s next stop was to his home away from home, his shop. Just on the far side of town, sat Gold’s Pawn Shop. It was the where Robert spent most of his day, surrounded by goods traded in from just about everyone in Storybrooke since it first opened. Antiquities graced every wall and shelf, not to mention a great deal of the available counter space in both the shop itself and the personal office in the back that was hidden by a delicate curtain. Though it was always nice to settle himself on a chair and wait for business to present itself, Robert’s visit here today was a short one. The pawnbroker wasted no time with his typical morning routine, for he was keen on getting his paperwork in order so he could get started on his day.

Today, after all, was the rent day.

Once a month, Robert would go around to all of his properties in Storybrooke he owned and collect the rent. It was a big undertaking, given just how many buildings and plots of land he possessed, but Robert had gotten it down to a science to make sure he could accomplish it in one day, barring a few companies that paid more often.

Why scale down the collection period to only a single day, one may be inclined to ask?

It wasn’t that Robert didn’t enjoy collecting the rent. He definitely did. There was something to enjoy about flaunting his wealth and power in everyone’s face. His outward appearance hardly lent itself to be intimidating to the public, but what his body couldn’t do, his mind, influence, and checkbook could. Robert took pleasure in seeing the hearts of the shopkeepers stop, if only for the barest of seconds as he entered the room. The stoic tone some of Robert’s tenants had as they formally referred to him as “Mr. Gold” created a unique feeling of delight for him.

However, that power came with consequences. The townspeople, over the years, had come to think of Robert as a monster, and rent day did quite a bit to remind him of that. It came out in small ways, of course. No one in their right mind would outright curse out their landlord. However, tight words and whispers behind his back spoke volumes that outright confessions didn’t. It didn’t bother Robert, he argued against himself just as he did many times before. He wasn’t someone who needed excessive amounts of companionship. He didn’t want it anyways, or at least not enough to admit to anyone.

…Maybe he wanted it a little.

...Then again, last time he had had any level of admiration by this town, it been a disaster.

Robert had tried to be kinder in the past with the way he collected his payments, back when he was a greenhorn in the business. He attempted to take a more personal approach to building relationships with those he dealt with professionally and strived to work out reasonable plans for how others would give him his money. His efforts ended with a bottom line very far in the red. He had a large home, but one that’s size swallowed him whole, and the goodwill that he had supposedly earned turned out to be rather conditional when he explained his situation to his tenants, hoping for sympathy and instead receiving empty platitudes and hollow promises for assistance. After that, with morality earning him very little, Robert decided that a change was in order.

A new agreement was issued with very fine print, and Robert’s tenants, too blissful in their ignorance, failed to read the conditions. The payment plans he had worked on for those hard on their luck changed, and left quite a few of the borrowers now scrambling month-by-month to make payments on time, lest they face eviction. Robert himself started dressing sharper and acting more confidently. His tone became harsher when he was acting on business. The result this time was the attention of a woman who would one day be his wife, a child, and a bank account that had more figures than he knew what to do with. Even when he had lost Lara and Oliver, Robert’s sternness played its role in bringing he and Miles closer together. 

Because of his practices, Robert had everything he could ever want.

And all it had cost him was a significant level of his humanity.

Sometimes, despite logic proving his methods of life to be ultimately wiser, Robert wished he could be more like his husband.

It was no secret that Miles was easily the more likeable of the two, and Robert conceded that people had good reasons to believe so. For one thing, Miles didn’t go around once a month collecting their money like clockwork, and with a smile on his face to boot. For another, Robert was not someone who one would consider an understanding man. Should one of Robert’s clients be unable to make a payment on time, his usual response was not so much as to work with them, not anymore in any case, but to give them, what he deemed and described as, the ‘adequate pressure’ needed to assure that the mistake would be rectified. Often, this pressure involved confiscating assets integral to the client’s livelihood until the matter was resolved. While this definitely served the purpose of lowering delinquent payments from his clients as well as setting an example of the price of failure, it had an added bonus of making Robert almost universally loathed throughout Storybrooke.

To conclude, Miles was not as much of a, for lack of a better term, social pariah as Robert. When Robert entered a room, he was always looked upon as a force of intimidation, and whether his tenants responded to his presence with either fear or vitriol, the typical interactions were not very open for building meaningful relationships. They paid, and he left. That was the cycle that the landlord and his business lived and thrived by, though it did little to earn Robert any semblance of a social life outside of his husband.

No, Miles did none of those things. Miles was the charming fisherman. He was the man who always had a story or a joke to tell and could get on anyone’s good side in a matter of minutes. He was the one with a golden smile only matched by his golden tongue. When Miles talked to you, the only reason behind it was simply to see if you were well. Needless to say, when they got married, Miles’ friends made up the vast majority of their guest list for the reception.

Robert knew that Miles’ friends didn’t approve of the younger man’s choice of spouse. While none of them would ever say it outright to either of their faces, especially since Robert owned a good portion of their businesses and homes, it was clear that Robert was far from their first choice of a companion for the man. On its own, this was bad enough, but they showed their displeasure often, granted through more subtle means. Most to all of their interactions with Miles didn’t include Robert, and significantly more often than not, when Miles actually managed to convince Robert to join his friends and he in whatever plans they had, many of them would end up dropping out before the plans could even occur. However, if Miles noticed it, he never seemed to let it get to him.

“More for us,” he would say when his friends would all become occupied with their spouses, children, or jobs as opposed to going out for drinks on a Saturday night.

“Well, at least no one’s going to mind when we make out like teenagers on this couch,” he would jest when Whale and Leroy would complain about head and stomach aches mere hours before a football game would begin.

“Looks like you get a private gun show,” he would boast after “work stuff came up” for five people almost simultaneously on a beach day that was planned far too well in advance for such a drop-out to be deemed appropriate or even possible.

Just as Robert had been was when he was younger, Miles too was understanding, patient, and kind to all those he came across, and just like Robert, he suffered for it. His friends could hardly deal with Robert, even if it meant abandoning Miles.

The difference between Robert and Miles, something that didn’t take long for the former to take away from the latter at all was that these snubs and slight, as numerous as they were, never stopped Miles from continuing to give everyone he knew his best. He wasn’t overly trusting of course, but he helped where he thought he could. Sometimes, despite an unspoken agreement between the two that Miles would generally stay out of Robert’s businesses, his heart led to him asking for Robert to be merciful to his debtors. All too often, Robert, faced with pleas for sympathy from his husband would find that he did, in fact, have the moral capacity to follow the advice given.

Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve him. He’s much too good for me.

Robert sighed, continuing on with his day.

Well, I have him, deserving of his love or not. Couldn’t hurt to try and be a little better, if only for him.

The first few hours worth of stops on his route were as standard as they ever were. Payments would come in swiftly, and he’d be curtly encouraged to leave, sometimes not even subtly, as soon as the money was in his hands.

The next place Robert’s collection tour led him to was Granny’s. Robert parked his car down the road. There were a lot of properties he owned along Main Street, so he knew he’d be there for some time. The diner had people walking in, groups at a time, as he approached. Robert didn’t need to look at his watch to know that the lunch rush was approaching. He always scheduled his pickup to be around this time. Robert and Granny seldom saw eye-to-eye, and he didn’t pretend there wasn’t some enjoyment to be taken about landing another burden upon the grumpy elderly woman’s shoulders.

Robert examined the current state of the restaurant and its owner through the window. Granny stood in the midst of the mayhem, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich in another. After a moment, the chef made eye contact with him, and her eyes rolled.

Ordinarily, Robert would’ve walked into the restaurant without even a second thought.

It would’ve been as easy as the pie he guaranteed someone was ordering at that very moment.

But then Robert started thinking about Miles, and the conclusion he reached earlier.

Perhaps this would be step one towards being a little better.

Again, I guess it couldn’t hurt.

Just as Granny was about to call her granddaughter for help, he made a stopping motion with his hand, making his intentions known that he would come back later for the acquisition of his money.

Robert wasn’t sure what to expect. Would she give him another eye roll? Would she simply ignore him and go back to her regulars?

As it turned out, his kindness had bore some fruits.

Granny responded with a grateful nod and the barest beginnings of a smile before returning to serving her many customers.

It was a small gesture, but it was so rare to see anyone outside of Miles respond to him with anything that resembled kindness. It made the whole endeavor feel…worthwhile.

I have to admit, that went better than I thought it would.

The rest of Robert’s afternoon was rather uneventful. He continued on through the town. Riding the high of his experiment at the diner, he did attempt to engage in small talk as his money was prepared from some of the less hostile tenants. To some extent, it worked. A few answered the questions he asked, and a couple of them even went so far as to ask about himself and Miles.

Still, most followed the same procedure: They paid, and he left. Some included their own varieties of snark in an attempt to hide their fear as they handed Robert all manner and forms of money.

The last client of the day was particularly snippy, easily the hardest he had dealt with all day. She was a teenager in charge of giving him a check for the mortgage on her parent’s house, and had less than kind things to say about the struggle her parents faced every month thanks to him.

Under normal circumstances, Robert might have “suddenly needed” to spring a five percent rise in the minimum payments per month for “extra insurance,” as he often put it, or some other consequence of the kind, but he took a deep breath.

Would Miles do that?

No. No he wouldn’t, and you shouldn’t either. She’s just a child worried for her family.

Oliver would’ve done the same for you, even at her age.

That thought gave Robert cause for a pause. It didn’t happen often, and Robert wished that it would not happen at all, but on a rare occasion, a day would go by where he didn’t think of his son. Today, had it not been for that young girl, would had nearly been one of them.

Robert took his money politely excused himself, mentally muting anything else the girl had to say, and got into his car, simply sitting there as memories of a son who no longer lived flooded his mind.

Oliver. You would’ve been the finest young man to ever tread the streets of Storybrooke. You were too good for this world.

Halloween was approaching. Years ago, Robert would’ve been helping Oliver pick out a costume, caught between laughing as a little Dracula ran throughout the house and scolding the boy for endangering himself by doing so. He should’ve still been doing things with his boy, regardless of the passing years. Or at the very least, even without him around, Oliver should’ve been doing things, happily with groups of friends, or perhaps even a lover at this point.

It wasn’t fair.

Life just isn’t the same without you, and it never will be again.

Robert stayed in the car. He knew with a phone call, Miles would be by his side, but right now, he just wanted to ride this wave of grief out by itself. It wasn’t that Miles was a bad source of comfort, not at all. Miles had helped pull Robert up from a nearly-consuming depression and allowed for him to move forward. Right now though, Robert just wanted to fall back, and sometimes to do that, he just needed to be alone.

It took time, but after a while, Robert found himself able to put his grief into some degree of rest and make his way back to the house.

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Robert’s second highlight of the day was coming home from work.

The lights were on, signaling that Miles was already inside. He liked walking home from work most days, though with winter approaching, Robert would soon insist upon assisting him with the return trip too, and Miles would begrudgingly agree.

I swear, I don’t think he cares if he gets pneumonia.

When he opened the door, Miles was right there, waiting with a smile and a kiss, as he always did.

“Welcome home, love,” Miles murmured, loosening his lips from Robert’s before, going in for another. Breathing his husband in as they kissed, Robert was treated to traces of salt water, his husband’s natural musk, and just a hint of freshly poured rum.

“Good welcoming you came up with,” Robert returned.

“As if that’s all I prepared,” Miles said smiling. “I cooked your favorite tonight. Freshly caught and breaded cod.” Robert grinned, and his eyes lit up. Miles, as were all employees of the S.S. Fairyweather, offered some of the fish they caught in addition to their salary, and fortunately for Robert, Miles was one hell of a cook. “But wait! That’s not all,” Miles added. “I also made Spaghetti Alfredo with spinach, tomatoes, roasted red peppers, and asparagus,” he continued, seductively emphasizing every vegetable put into the pasta, much to Robert’s amusement. “Now what do you think,” he smirked.

Robert licked his lips. He was thinking quite a lot of things, both about the delicacies that were to be on his table and about the man who put them there.

If he keeps this up, I may just have to drag his ass to the bedroom before dinner is served.

Instead of verbalizing his answer, Robert opted to show it by immediately crashing their lips together. He didn’t understand how Miles did it, but he always managed to make Robert feel better during his worst days. Robert wanted to return that. He vowed that he would in many respects, over time, but right now, he could do so in a deep, fervent, and slightly rough kiss.

As they pulled back, Miles smirked at Robert.

“Am I the best husband or what?”

“Let’s just see if your bark is as good as your bite, love,” Robert playfully mocked as he led Miles by the stub into the kitchen.

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Robert swore that Miles should’ve become a chef.

He was honestly surprised he wasn’t the size of a bear, given how often he tore through his meals, tonight’s included.

One of these days, I’m going to sign him up for a cook-off.

The chef of the hour and Robert had finished Miles’ mouthwatering dinner, and as the last morsels of food on their plates began to digest, the couple turned their attention towards cleaning up the remnants. With not an ounce of salvageable sustenance left to put into Tupperware, Robert began handing Miles dishes, and Miles began to rinse and ready them for a trip into the dishwasher.

“Forgot to mention something earlier,” Miles said as he and Robert exchanged another plate. “Couple of the guys and I might grab a few pints at Granny’s next week for Halloween. Want in?”

Probably not the best idea, given that your friends hate me.

That will be a long project, even if Granny doesn’t hate me anymore.

Granny…

Granny’s.

Damn it.

Robert groaned. His last collection of the day had completely skipped his mind. Between thoughts of his son at the end of his workday, and Miles’ gestures as soon as he came home, he had completely forgotten about the rent that as still not in his grasp.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Miles reassured, raising his soapy hand and brace-clad stub as to make a surrendering motion.

“No! It’s not that,” Robert quickly exclaimed, raising a hand of his own. “I forgot to pick up the rent from Granny’s. She was in the middle of her lunch rush when I passed by, so I decided to go later. I forgot to collect it before I came home.” Robert sighed. “I better take care of it now, otherwise I’m going to forget again. I’m sorry about leaving you with the clean-”

“Stop,” Miles interrupted. “No apologies needed, love. Go take care of it.” He began holding Robert’s chin with his hand, the same gentle, understanding smile on his face that could make anyone fall in love with him that he always had.

I still can’t believe out of everyone in this world, he chose me. 

Robert could feel his cheeks grow red, and Miles smirked knowingly. He distracted himself from the growing blush on his face by playfully trying to pull away from Miles. “Go away! You’re getting soap all over me,” he whined. Miles let him go, but not before snatching a tender kiss that made Robert’s heart jump with delight.

“I love you,” Robert breathlessly whispered before they drew away.

“I love you too,” Miles returned. Robert cleaned his face off, and made his way outside the house.

As he got into his car and drove towards Granny’s, his last exchange with Miles still fresh in his mind, Robert couldn’t stop smiling.

The town still couldn’t stand him. Even with a lot of effort on his part, Robert was aware that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. He still had pain, both physical and emotional that he would have to deal with on a regular basis. However, to a large extent, Robert couldn’t find it in himself to hate his circumstances, for he knew that at the end of the day, he had the man of his dreams waiting for him at home, and that was more than enough for him.

Problems aside, his life was truly charmed.

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A/N: Editing this chapter gave me a lot to think about. The first time that I wrote it, it simply established the kind of lives that Rumple and Killian’s cursed counterpart were living. That’s still true, don’t get me wrong, but what editing this chapter really had me do was to explore the town of Storybrooke and make it real. I liked that. I also received some writing advice that’s really going to shape how I write going forward.

I’d love to get some feedback, so please give me your thoughts! Otherwise, see you next chapter!