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fangirlandiknowit101 · 4 years ago

Note

30 BTS writer asks: 1, 12 + 18? ❤️🌻

Almost forgot to add - thanks for asking<33333

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Unsurprisingly, it was for Naruto and Sasuke/Naruto. You can still read it in all its glory, even on ao3 lmao. Might be hard to believe but that fic (Unsuspicious title, don't ask why it's called that I have no explanations) is really the absolute first thing I wrote that counts as a fanfic. I didn't write about other people's fictional characters before that. I didn't really write much outside of school at all, not sure how I lived my life tbh...

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I answered earlier that I want to write a horse rider au at some point, but what I'd also like is to write a real enemies to lovers fic. Like, actual enemies. But it might be too angsty, so who knows if I'll ever make it lol.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Aah you guys really want that commentary don't you... maybe one day I'll release a version of tswm with director's commentary for the whole thing hahahahaha (jk I'd never have time to do that)

But alright, I'm gonna take the opportunity to comment on another scene in tswm that I definitely this deserves it, it's the reunion scene between Naruto and Sasuke in chapter 49! I hesitated to pick this one bc it's so long and emotional, and also I don't want to add any accidental spoilers... but oh well. Here we go!

[My comments will be in bold text, this starts almost at the beginning of the chapter, right when Sasuke meets Naruto in Kaguya's place.]

He reached out with a hand, the bright light reflecting in the half-moon in his palm. It glowed, and just like that, his hand wrapped around another’s.

Naruto.

He sucked in a breath, lungs desperate for air. Naruto stood before him, chest heaving, hand clutching Sasuke’s so hard he feared it might break.

Their shared beat rang loud in his ears, eyes wide as they drank each other in. The darkness had given way to white, fuzzy light, their bodies floating, suspended in air.

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, as if afraid to drown out the sound of their connection.

Honestly, I tried my best to make it as painful as possible. That's all I wanted lol. At first I had no idea how to write this scene, but then I just got a feeling and tried to write it in words.

There was no hiding in this place. It was similar to that strange place that seemed to exist between them when they fought, blows connecting, hearts open. Between one breath and the next, it would be gone, their shared hearts lingering long after.

Nothing more poetic than that special place Kishimoto created for them when they exchange blows... extremely gay.

Here, there was only the two of them, the heat of their bodies as Naruto reached for his face.

“Am I dreaming?” Naruto wondered, fingers stroking along Sasuke’s cheekbone. “You look so real…”

They sank down, slowly, until their feet touched solid white. He shivered, the tips of Naruto’s fingers touching his chin, his mouth.

“It could be a dream,” Sasuke said quietly, exhaling as Naruto came closer.

“I can feel your heart,” Naruto murmured, his forehead coming to rest against Sasuke’s temple. “I missed you so much.”

Images flashed before Sasuke’s eyes, impressions of the world from Naruto’s perspective. Menma as the kyuubi. Kakashi, entering through a window. Iruka, hand gentle as he reached over the table.

Sakura, pain drawing her face tight. A mountain of paperwork. Snippets of conversation. The overwhelming pain of loneliness, like walls closing in on him.

He puzzled together enough pieces to make sense of the days since they separated.

Must be convenient to just read each other's minds... I should stop making fun of my own writing. But anyway, I felt very clever when I realized I could skip explanations between them and just let them see each other's memories of the past few days. I think it fits that they could see it through the other person's eyes, all the emotions too. Especially how painful it was for Naruto and how much he was trying to keep it together in front of his friends, and still failing. It gives Sasuke a better understanding of what would have happened if he'd decided to leave after one year passed (and I'm still bitter at Kishimoto for doing that in canon.)

“Naruto,” he sighed, lifting a hand to sift through soft strands of hair, closing his eyes as Naruto pressed into him.

Hearts bared, he felt Naruto’s desperate longing as his own. It mirrored his own pain, the aching emptiness filling his chest. Little by little, the cold was pushed away by warmth, Naruto’s mouth touching his cheek, his jaw, his throat. It burned against his skin, each point of contact erupting into tendrils of heat that seeped into his body.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Naruto confessed, lips shaping the words onto Sasuke’s throat. “I couldn’t go back to you, I-“

Sasuke turned his head, capturing his mouth. The words were lost between their lips, swallowed by the sudden surge of need. Naruto’s arm wrapped around his neck, keeping him in place. A fever caught him, leaving him dizzy and faint. He felt emotions between them like a physical caress, like they swirled in and out of their bodies, like a strong wind playing with fallen leaves.

Pain. Longing. Fear.

Happiness. Comfort. Love.

Naruto kissed him like he’d die if they stopped. He might, for all Sasuke knew.

Don't mind me, I was just crying buckets as I wrote this.

Their hands were still clasped tight, their palms pressed together, keeping their marks in contact. Teeth dug into his lower lip, but he could barely feel the pain over the onslaught of emotion. It was overwhelming, to share Naruto’s heart so fully. Was this how Naruto had felt, when Sasuke had touched him by accident? When Sasuke had shared too much of himself, and Naruto had been unable to give him the same in return.

I think it actually wasn't as overwhelming for Naruto when Sasuke accidentally touched him. This place that Kaguya controls just amplifies things a lot.

No such restraints now.

Their souls were on fire, like chakra flames billowing around their bodies. It was too much to make sense of, and yet it felt as if they’d always been this close, always been one and the same. Naruto fit inside him like a key, like Sasuke was now unlocked, his body no longer keeping him prisoner.

“Naruto,” he breathed out, over and over again, every nerve ending alight as they held each other.

I was listening to this song called Heat Up by Giant Rooks as I wrote this (that's where the chapter title comes from and honestly the lyrics are just *chef's kiss*) and I really tried to use as much metaphor as I could, idk if that makes it sound boring haha but for once I was definitely thinking very hard about every single sentence. And I tried to make it as "alive" as I could, so you'd feel it rather than have it described to you.

An eternity later they calmed down, mouths sliding lazily over each other, heartbeats finally finding their shared rhythm. Their foreheads pressed together, Sasuke’s eyes fluttering open to meet deep blue, their usual strength faded into self-doubt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, running his fingers through Naruto’s hair, thumb tracing the shell of his ear. “Don’t hide from me, not here.”

Aww look at Sasuke, so in tune with his emotions. He really is an all or nothing kind of guy. If they already share everything in this place, there's no point in having secrets. Besides, his worst fear is Naruto losing confidence because of something he said or did.

Naruto let out a sharp breath, lifting their clasped hands between their chests.

“I missed you,” he said again, eyes closing in pain. “I’m so happy you’ve been okay.”

So much pain. Sasuke struggled to make sense of it, so much of it reflected inwards, towards Naruto himself. He could understand the longing, the absence of him like a gaping hole. It mirrored his own pain, pain he’d locked inside his heart within a steel cage. It flowed freely now, wrapping around Naruto’s in recognition.

But the rest… Naruto let out a sob, and yet he was smiling. Sasuke pressed another kiss to his lips, unsure of what to say.

I know Naruto did that whole waterfall thing where he embraced his evil side and totally let go of all his negative energy... But you can't tell me he's 100% okay and only happy and never feels pain. When will Konoha start offering therapy... Jokes aside, at this moment in time Naruto is so conflicted. The whole time he's been worried about Sasuke leaving him, and telling himself that Sasuke would be happier in the other dimension, and that logically he should let Sasuke stay, but he absolutely doesn't want Sasuke to leave him. It's the most selfish thing he's ever felt, I think, this need to have Sasuke by his side. And he's got so much on his shoulders, just piling up, everyone relying on him to somehow magically fix the world. And he's afraid of failing, of acknowledging to himself that there are parts of him that aren't ready to shoulder this burden, that he's still hurting, that there's still a part of him that could have become like Menma. He's supposed to be completely selfless but he isn't, and he thinks of that as a character flaw, a personal failure. And that's kind of where his resolution to not become hokage comes from. Because he doesn't think he can remove this selfish parts of him, and so maybe he should embrace them instead.

“Sasuke, it’s so strange…” Naruto started, his words slow, carefully chosen. “You understand Charasuke so well, but Menma… I can’t accept him. And now I realize, he shows the ugliest parts of me. The parts that I’m afraid of.”

They both leaned back a little, to see each other’s faces. Light played over Naruto’s features, blurring him at the edges. Sasuke cupped his cheek, tilting his chin up so that their eyes met. Now that he knew what to look for, he could feel Naruto’s fear.

“It’s always there,” Naruto confessed, raw honesty in his voice. “The fear of losing you. The fear of not being strong enough. The fear of becoming hokage, and failing.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, to reassure him, but Naruto shook his head quickly.

Sasuke, on the other hand, he never held himself up to be a good person. He's well aware that he has weaknesses, that he's putting up walls so he won't have to deal with emotions and stuff. But he does believe (a bit blindly) in Naruto, I think. Even though he thinks Naruto won't succeed, it's not because of anything that Naruto does or fails to do. He thinks it's because the world won't follow him, that Konoha isn't capable of change. But he never thought that Naruto would actually give up or have these kinds of doubts.

“Let me say this. I didn’t understand it at first. Menma always rubbed me the wrong way. I know you don’t like him either, but for me… It’s like looking at myself and knowing I gave up.”

He drew in a deep breath, his fingers trembling around Sasuke’s.

“And now, here, I can’t avoid that fear. Because all of it… all of it is for you, Sasuke.” He swallowed, and through the fear, Sasuke saw his determination. “You asked me, if there’s any room in my head for anyone but you. And there isn’t.”

Naruto's brain is 99% Sasuke and 1% ramen, that's just fact. That aside, this might be one of my favorite quotes in the fic.

Frowning, Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek to stay silent. Naruto was working up to something, he could tell, and part of him couldn’t help but think it would end the two of them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Naruto said, drawing the pad of his thumb over Sasuke’s eyebrow, the touch equal parts reassuring and painful. “I can hear your thoughts, you know. Do you really believe that I would choose anything else over you?”

A lie caught on Sasuke’s tongue. He didn’t want to believe it, but what place did he have by Naruto’s side? How could he be all that Naruto wanted him, needed him, to be? How could he be someone that others would accept walking by his side?

Oh, Sasuke. Always so ready for Naruto to cast him aside. He doesn't want to stand in the way of Naruto's dreams *wipes tear*

“I don’t believe that you would want to,” he replied, eventually. “But maybe you should.”

They stood for a long time, looking at each other. Sasuke felt torn in two directions. He wanted to tell Naruto to never leave him. He wanted to say that he’d accept anything. That he’d remove himself from Naruto’s presence to make the choice for him. That he couldn’t, wouldn’t, stand between Naruto and his dreams.

That he’d known, all along, that the other dimension was only a dream. An impossibility. That he accepted this, and wouldn’t resent Naruto for choosing the village over him.

I think the difference between Naruto and Sasuke here, is that even though they both think the other should maybe leave them for better things, Naruto is much less ready to actually give Sasuke up. Sasuke is more of the martyr type lol.

“You deserve me,” Naruto said, voice dark with conviction. “Don’t you dare think otherwise. Don’t you understand? If you saw what I’ve been doing the past days…”

Naruto lifted their joined hands higher, shifted his grip until he held Sasuke’s palm open in front of himself.

“I thought only of you. I cared only about you. What good is the village to me, if you’re not there?”

His heart felt too heavy in his chest. Naruto’s words rang through his ears, the implication behind them ensnaring his heart until Naruto held it in his hand, too.

“I don’t want any of it, if you’re not with me.”

Sasuke lowered his eyes. He couldn’t allow himself to give in. He’d already given so much, and although he knew that Naruto would have this, too, it was too much in this moment.

“Sasuke… When are you going to recognize that you’re a good person? That even if our relationship hadn’t changed like this, I’d still need you beside me?”

I wanted to write this part so badly... To make Naruto tell Sasuke that he's a good person. That Naruto thinks so, at least. It's one of the first things I thought of for this scene. Not that Sasuke agrees haha.

“Me, a good person?” Sasuke raised his eyebrows, meeting Naruto’s gaze again. He recognized the stubborn glint in Naruto’s eyes, and sighed. “Even if that was true, you’re smart enough to know it’s not enough.”

Slowly, Naruto pulled his hand closer, his grip turning gentle. Sasuke caught himself holding his breath, as Naruto’s lips connected with the mark on his palm.

“You still don’t understand,” Naruto murmured, the movement of his lips tickling Sasuke’s skin. “The past few days, what have you been doing? Caring for the children, when I wasn’t there to do it. Putting Charasuke before yourself, comforting him in the ways he needed you to. Holding yourself together. Trusting me to come back.”

This is where we acknowledge exactly how much Sasuke has changed. Naruto spent the days apart thinking only of Sasuke, even to the point where he was neglecting his friends and duties. Sasuke, on the other hand, stepped up to fill the role he thought Naruto left behind, hiding his pain behind helping others. Ultimately trusting Naruto to hold his promise to come back. Also, I just want them to be soft with each other T_T

Staring at him, Sasuke’s breath caught in his chest at the swell of pride Naruto felt for him. Was it true, that he had changed so much? In Naruto’s eyes, he had. It was startling, to realize how Naruto thought of him. But Naruto had changed too, he thought. They had grown closer, in a way he didn’t think they could have in their own Konoha.

“I think Charasuke is a bit like you,” Sasuke said, lips twitching upwards at Naruto’s affronted look. “He needs physical comfort. I don’t mind giving it to you, and I guess I don’t mind giving it to him either. You both tend to do whatever you feel like, anyway.”

“You used to mind.” Naruto looked serious, reaching out to touch Sasuke’s mouth as if to prove his point. “Suddenly, you didn’t.”

The smile slipped from Sasuke’s lips. Naruto was right. A few weeks ago, he did push Charasuke out of the window. To be fair, Charasuke hadn’t liked him much back then, either, and the circumstances had been very different. He did understand him better now. If Menma represented Naruto’s fears, Charasuke represented everything Sasuke wanted in life. But Charasuke didn’t have Naruto, didn’t have Menma with him either, and maybe that was why Sasuke wanted to be there for him. His connection with Naruto was precious to him, had kept him going, had kept him questioning himself even in his worst moments of darkness. Had given him a reason not to give up on a life that wasn’t filled with pain and hatred.

Naruto made it worth it to change. Was he hoping to help Charasuke change, too?

Spoiler alert... yes you were, Sas.

Perhaps Kaguya had something to do with it, but maybe, even without her influence, he would have reached this point anyway if given enough time. Time they didn’t have back home. It surprised him to realize that Naruto had thought of this already. That he felt selfish for wanting Sasuke to go back with him, when he knew it would be painful.

“You minded when I touched you, too,” Naruto added, as a reminder that they were talking about the two of them.

“I didn’t.” It was easy to confess. “I couldn’t allow myself to accept it, but I never minded. And now…”

Even if Naruto could read most of his thoughts in this space, it was difficult to say the words.

“I was afraid to have more of you. I still am. Because I know they’ll never accept it.”

Sasuke vs homophobia :( Can't really kill that with a sword. Sasuke was definitely in love with him before they went to the RTN dimension, he'd just buried it so deep that he had no idea it was there or what it was. If you separate love from attraction it's not really gay, is it? (It is)

Naruto kissed him again, desperately. There were so many thoughts swirling between them, a mess of images and emotions overshadowed by the overwhelming fear of losing each other.

Naruto’s guilt, for not being able to reach Menma like Sasuke reached Charasuke. Their worry for each other. The frustration of being forced to wait. Sasuke’s slow realization of how much Naruto meant to him. How much his family meant to him, even a different version of them.

“I can’t be without you again,” Naruto said, swallowing thickly. “There’s so much I want to say and I don’t know how.”

“I’m here,” Sasuke promised. “Any way you want me to be.”

Even though it hurt, knowing the struggle that lay ahead of them, how Naruto had struggled only the past few days.

He wasn’t sure when he’d closed his eyes, but Naruto’s hands holding his face between them made him open them again. His expression was serious, almost solemn.

“I think you’d be happier if you stayed there,” Naruto whispered, searching his eyes. “You can’t deny it. I know they’d take care of you, and I can tell that your bond with your family is important to you. In a different way than ours, but still. I’d forgive you, if you chose them.”

Stop sacrificing yourself, Naruto. I don't like it.

“How could you say that?” Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s wrists, glaring at him. “Even after everything you said about how you can’t be without me, how you’d never choose anything over me, and you still think I would leave you? Even when you can feel my heart, you think I won’t choose you no matter what?”

Sasuke calling him out, as he should.

He knocked their foreheads together, tightening his grip.

“You think I’d choose happiness over you?”

How could he be happy, if Naruto wasn’t there with him? It wasn’t even an option. He cared about Charasuke, that was true. And the other version of Itachi, of Shisui, his family… Even the Sakura of that world. But how could they compare? Losing Charasuke would hurt, but it wouldn’t rip his soul apart. Staying with them would be a life, but it wouldn’t be living. How could Naruto think of himself as selfish, and still be so incredibly selfless when it came to Sasuke? What was he supposed to do, to make Naruto trust him once and for all?

“If I deserve you, why wouldn’t you deserve me in turn?”

Naruto didn’t have an answer to that. Sasuke hadn’t expected him to, and he felt him struggle with the concept. Naruto’s hero complex wasn’t doing either of them any good.

Like, I personally don't like the concept of anyone deserving love or not deserving it. Love is something you give, freely, regardless of how society values the other person. The love you give isn't less worth depending on the person receiving it. But I think the both of them are so traumatized that they need to make peace with this concept. They kind of need to be told - yes, you do deserve love, and I will give it to you. Naruto's hero complex is like... we don't have time to unpack all of that.

“You want to do this the hard way?” Sasuke continued, tone sharp. “I’ll do it with you. I don’t think you’ll succeed but I’ll do it.”

He gathered up all his resolve, all his conviction, pushed aside his own reservations.

“Saying you’ll forgive me… that’s a lie. You wouldn’t. You never would. And I wouldn’t want you to, anyway. If you wanted me by your side and I couldn’t do it, you’d be right to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“Then I’d hate myself.”

Bearing each other's burdens and all that...

Naruto made a face, as if to disagree, but Sasuke felt him smile despite the topic of their conversation.

“What kind of role reversal is this,” he muttered, pressing his thumbs into Sasuke’s cheeks childishly. “I don’t even know why I’m arguing about it.”

“Because you love me.”

They stared at each other. Naruto’s eyes widened in shock, but Sasuke held his ground. What was the point in pretending anything else? It all made sense like this, and perhaps deep down Sasuke had always suspected it, even before he returned to Konoha.

“Y-you can’t just say it out loud!” Naruto spluttered, slapping his hands onto his own face instead, hiding behind them with a groan. “Stop being so smug about it!”

Me, while I wrote this: Yeah, you can't just say that out loud! The pain of being perceived. I am suffering with Naruto.

“I won the argument, didn’t I?”

“Ugh, shut up!”

Feeling lighter, Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto, leaning his cheek against the top of his head, Naruto burying his nose in his neck. He’d deny it when they were back in reality, but he could feel that Naruto wanted the body contact, and he was unable to resist it. It didn’t take long for Naruto to calm down, releasing a huff into Sasuke’s neck.

“Maybe we can just stay in this place forever,” he said, sneaking his arms around Sasuke’s back.

“You’d miss ramen too much.”

If an emotional scene doesn't end with a joke, what are you even doing with your life. But writing them hug was like, releasing so many endorphins. I'm weak to it.

It was strange, to talk and immediately feel every thought behind the words, every emotion on full display. Naruto’s amusement radiated off him, and it was his turn to feel a little smug as he concentrated on everything that Sasuke felt for him.

When Naruto started imagining long days spent in bed, Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided they’d been emotional enough for the time being.

Sasuke like, I can accept the lovey-dovey stuff, but I draw a thick line in front of the bedroom door. He's got some work left to do lol.

Idk if any of this made any sense but... there you have it!

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mego42 · 4 years ago

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Hi!! Was just wondering if you have any Brio fic updates you’ll be posting soon? Obsessed with your writing!

ahhhhh thank you!!! you are too kind!!!

I guess it depends on your definition of soon? I have a lot of stuff I’m working on and am pretty far along into, it’s just been going a bit slowly for life reasons (we’ve been temporarily short-staffed at my job which has unfortunately coincided with bringing on some big new clients so I’m working crazy hours and then also took on a p big freelance project at the same time bc I make questionable choices but also bc it’s a v awesome project and I’m hoping to be able to brag about it soon)

THAT SAID I’ve got a lot of stuff p far along including:

ch 2 of swear! fully drafted, def in need of another major editing pass though. there’s a tension/tone through-line that’s not quiiiiiiite right and I’ve been trying to sort it out by writing Rio POV outtakes bc why not

ch 3 of swear! I’m trying really hard not to post for this fic until I have a chapter banked both for accountability reasons and also bc I’ve got a lot of threads woven into the fic that I’m trying to keep track of and it’s helpful to be able to bounce back a chapter and tweak things to properly set up stuff in the next chapter. I’m about a quarter/third or so into it but I’ve lowkey dropped it for now to focus ooooooooon...

the last chapter of song!! at last! it’s happening! highkey inspired to jump back in by a truly lovely comment @whiskeyjack left me and @xenalovesoq and her group chat’s unflagging enthusiasm, I am about 15K into the draft and *laugh nervously* a third of the way through my outline so that’s gonna be a monster

I’ve also got a bunch of other projects in various stages of outlining and drafting that are v much on my mind but def not a current priority like the others (Beth POV for listening, buffyverse if I can detangle the plot, the pacific rim AU I add a sentence or two to whenever I’m stuck on something else, the sex pollen I wrote half of and then paused to write swear).

so yeah, lots of stuff happening but nothing close enough that I’m comfortable predicting a timeline I’d inevitably fail at anyway. I’m not sure what’s going to get posted first tbh, I’d say probably song because that’s what I’m focused on rn but editing is going to be a bit of a thing given how long it’s shaping up to be (jfc oh god what am I doing) so idk!!

I wish I had a better answer but here! have a (rough, unedited) snippet from song for your troubles!

"What are you doing here," she hisses.

Her eyes dart from Rio's face to over his shoulder, sweeping the midway to see if anyone's watching them, and then back. The corner of his mouth tugs up like he knows what she's doing and it's funny. She locks onto the motion, the shrieking sounds of the carnival around them falling away. Midday sunshine giving way to deep, dark midnight blue in her mind’s eye.

Between her kids and then Rio having Marcus for a few days, Beth hadn't seen him since that night at the bar a full week ago. After she'd explained her plan to his satisfaction, she'd realized it was getting late, and she had to get home. He’d walked her out to the van and the unexpected gallantry of the gesture caught her off guard, and something bloomed, warm and sparkling in her chest. Then, alone in the parking lot, he'd pinned her up against the side of it, burying his face in her neck and pressing his hips into hers. Her moan when she felt him hard against her mingled with his answering one when she rolled her own hips right back, echoed together through the still, silent night.

Beth thought about yanking open the door of the van and tugging him inside. She knew he wouldn't object from the nearly frantic urgency of his hands gripping her waist, shoving up under her shirt, hot and rough against her skin. He'd cupped her breasts, his thumbs swiping across her nipples and pressing down. She'd gasped and arched against him, her nails digging into his shoulders through his shirt when he'd bit down on her neck in response.

A part of her wanted that—him—quick and furtive in the back of the van, too desperate for each other to wait. But another part thought of the reality of Emma's Barbie's digging into her back, the graham cracker crumbs she’s pretty sure the seats spontaneously generate at this point embedding themselves in her skin, the smell of apple juice and kid sweat that never entirely dissipates hanging around them and that isn't—she doesn't—

This thing between them feels different now. New and precious and somehow heavier and more fragile than it ever has before. It's a beginning, and Beth wants more for it—them—than a rushed hookup in a parking lot before they go their separate ways.

So she’d gently pushed him away and he'd let go of her immediately, even if he'd taken a beat to inhale deep against her skin before stepping all the way back.

When he'd met her eyes, Beth had known she didn't need to explain, and when he reached out a hand, pinky extended, her own had fluttered closed as he'd gently nudged her hair back, tucking it behind her ear.

"Next time."

Impact against her thighs snaps her back to the present, and Beth realizes she's swayed forward into the table between them. She can feel her blush flare, heating her cheeks and chest, but can't bring herself to be too embarrassed when she sees the way Rio's eyes have gone dark and hooded.

His lips part, and Beth can see the tip of his tongue pressed lightly against his teeth. She imagines leaning in, closing the distance, and sinking her teeth into his full, lush—

“Jesus Christ!”

#writing this out was a v illuminating experience #related WHY AM I LIKE THIS #why can't i write simple things anymore #even this ask answer is a bonkers over explanation #BUT ALSO the freelance thing is now in a lull stage #so i will hopefully start getting more than 4/5 hours of sleep a night #and hitting snooze through my morning writing hour #WHEEEEEEE #but seriously thank you #💖💖💖#a song inside the halls of the dark #swear on a silver knife #my fic #shut up meg

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jtrbluv · 4 years ago

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tag game !

tagged by the lovely linh @latetaektalk ,, thank u soso much! this was so fun omg

tagging: @allurain @koushiningg @dreamystuffers @jinpanman @dulce-pjm @suhdays @pjmsdior @bangtans-peaceful-piegon @sugacouture

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

um i didn't rly write for any fandoms when i was younger, but i knew my 12yo self was probably conjuring harry potter headcanons in my head D:

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

for now, and for a long time, i've been writing for bts. i've like always been a multi from the moment i got into kpop but i've never actually fleshed out any of the wips i had for any other groups LMFAO. honorable mentions are got7, skz, haikyuu yup

3. how long have you been writing?

a longggg time, i think. i enjoyed writing fiction as a kid a lot. most of it would be like off-brand spy kids/harry potter/hunger games type beat stuff. and it was awful. but i was literally like 9 so cut me some slackLKSDFJSLKDjf

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

primarily tumblr and i only recently made an ao3 acc. the only fic i have on there is a tae drabble that's already posted on here LOL. i think it's 'resolutely, yours.' but i don't even remember bye. i remember i drafted drivers license on there but i literally forgot to post it so it's probably gone HAHA.

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

e2l even though i have no e2l fics on this blog i think

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

i used to never plan my fics, like at all. but then i was so unsatisfied with the flow of things and like idk lack of clarity. drivers license was the first time i actually sat down and planned out an entire fic as i was writing it. it rly does make things easier when u have an idea of what u want. and then just having the idea can help you possibly expand on it and get even better ideas off of it. the events of drivers license and the order it was all written in changed like 20394803 times. but yeah, does that make sense... LMFAO

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

one shots because i can never fucking get myself to finish a series. i love reading them tho

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

no clue. i love long stories and slow burn tho, it's just so satisfying and $wag when it's well-written and the characters are well-written too.

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

the fic i'm about to post is nearing 20k, and it might even surpass that which will end up being the longest story on this blog. insane! drivers license is around 10k i think, and then if u combine the wnrs couple's fics it's like 15k? im too lazy to look tbh SRy

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh drivers license for sure! i don't think i've ever immersed myself and put so much effort into a story before. it was truly an amazing experience, and i just know that i'll probably never be able to write anything like that fic ever again. it's rly one of a kind for me.

11. favourite request you've have written and why (if any?)

most of the requests i had on this blog got taken down bc they were so bad. i'm not sure if the yoongi superhero!au is still up on here, but i'd choose that one since i really had to branch out of my writing style for it. regardless of it being like barely 2k.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

miscommunication, so much banter, i used to see this a lot but i would take it out but... head bonking ??LSKDFJHAHA, my side characters being dumbasses and then my main characters being even bigger dumbasses (oc probably being the biggest dumbass)

13. current number of wips?

during the course of writing the current fic i plan on posting this week, i created like 5 wips and they all hit 5k, and then i straight up abandoned them. and then the endless idea bank google doc. so if i count the wips i for sure want to finish by like this year or summer... like 3 or 4.

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i feel like i repeat stuff a lot throughout all my stories LOL,, it irks me so bad. i think i relate to all my ocs in at least one way or another.

15. a quote you like from a published story

alrighty this is a lil snippet from 'drivers license':

this is from the second letter oc wrote to jk:

"The same delusional daydreamer hopes that one day we can talk and laugh like old pals. Like nothing ever changed between us. I hope you achieve your dreams that you always thought seem too far-fetched, yet in the back of my mind I always knew you could easily grasp. I hope someday you can live a life of lesser worries and insecurities, because you rarely had any to start off with. I always hoped the world for you, because you deserve it. And despite everything, I still believe you do."

this paragraph seems pretty simple but i think it did the best job of like describing oc's emotions and realization of things,, its kinda cliche tew yas love that

16. a quote from an unpublished story

alr this is from the e2l jimin series that is going to take me forever to write bc the outline for it is SO LONG

“Would it kill you to at least show up with a shirt on?“ You sneer, patting your forehead with the back of your hand due to the sweltering sun. The event hasn’t even started yet and you can already feel your hair sticking to the back of your neck.

Crossing his arms, he scoffs, his biceps bulging out as his arms bend. Not like you were staring at them. “Sorry couldn’t hear you, too busy boosting the school’s morale.”

17. space for you to say something to your readers

i feel like i don't show enough appreciation to my readers and mutual on this blog. i have met so many lovely people and have gotten so much support, i hope u all know that it does NOT go unnoticed. i always tend to go back and reread all the comments and asks that i get on my stories bc it rly does make my heart soar. it makes my day!!! thank u all for sticking with me thru all my 3am shitposts and inconsistent writing schedule LOL,, you all have my whole heart and some more <3

#tag game

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lesbiansastiel · 6 years ago

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so far untitled fic chapter 2

here it is! sorry for the Dramatique™ that’s just how i write ajkdjfk.. also this took a while bc tumblr deleted it when i was editing and ughh. double editing yay

cas x sam visiting heaven. mentions of jess. dean is just kinda there. mentions of john also. idk what else to warn u of hmm… title is a reference to a shura song again, check it out!

chapter 2. flyin’

When Cas rolls the sleeves of their stupid beige trench coat (that has been burned to Sam’s retinas so much that whenever he sees a trench coat, anywhere, his first thought, or feeling, is Cas) Sam’s first instinct is to take a step back. He is not sure about their plan, but he wants to help Cas. Apparently, Cas can tap into Sam’s soul by touching it and follow him to heaven. As he dies, or goes to a life and death between zone, or something. Cas’ powers aren’t fully there yet, and he’s not allowed in heaven, so they’re a little unsure about how this will go. Taking Dean would be like taking a time bomb, because all the angels, especially Zachariah, have their radars beeping for him. Sam is secure with Cas, as long as he does not actually die, and can be zapped back to his body. But that’s what worries him. And how does he just leave Heaven? He can barely wake up from his dreams anymore.

“So, there’s no way of contacting you when you’re... up there?” Dean looks uncertain, and not amused.

“No.” Cas says bluntly.

“That’s just great! I’m on watch-duty and can’t even alert you if something goes wrong! I don’t like this plan, Cas.”

“No one likes it” Sam chimes in, but with less opposition.

“You agreed to this. It’s the only way, if there’s any chance this could bring us closer to God, ending all of this,” Cas looks at Sam, “killing Lucifer, we have to take these odds”.

Before Sam has the chance to say anything Cas continues:

“This is my only choice. Please,” Cas pleads, “please help me”.

Sam sighs and curses the day Cas became good with words. And the damn puppy eyes. He’s gonna throw himself to a death-like between-zone that could kill him because of Cas’ recklessly ambitious plan to find God.

In the background, Dean sits down on the bed defeatedly and rubs his temples. In all of this, Dean has not said a word to Sam. It makes Sam a little upset. Dean acts as if he’s not a part of this, even when “this” is Sam’s life.

“I want to help, of course, but promise me you’re being a realist thinking I can survive this.” Sam looks at Cas, who is just standing there, not moving at all.

“I’m not letting you die,” Cas confirms and Sam thinks this is the best answer he’s getting and puts a tiny smile on his face. Dean sighs in the back and stands up. He starts pacing the room again.

Cas motions Sam to sit on the couch and takes the belt that he removed earlier from the table.

“Okay, I guess we’re going to heaven” Sam declares. “Tell me all about it soon, Sam.” Dean says from closer behind Cas now and Sam can hear that he’s worried. Sam smiles and nods.

The next thing Sam feels is Cas’ fingers on his forehead as he puts him to sleep-ish.

The worst part about dreaming is how it makes you want to never wake up. There’s no plan, no pressure, no Lucifer, no Michael. Sam’s dreams are often just calmness. Sometimes there’s a plot, or some people, sometimes they’re even based on memories but mostly it’s just a snippet of heaven, or what he thinks heaven is like, anyways. Calm. The feeling of sitting on a bus, car, plane as the word goes by. The sounds of the ocean. Sitting on a dock, or lying in the grass looking at the night sky. Just being still. Sometimes Sam dreams of a family, his family, Mary and John and a happy big brother playing with toy cars. Sam is a fly on the ceiling, looking at all of the everyday life go by. Sometimes, rarely, he has a family of his own, a partner, dogs, maybe even a child. Lying in bed next to a person whom he adores and life goes by without pain, just happiness and so much love that it makes the heart hurt. Often Sam doesn’t have an active role in his dreams but when he does, he’s dancing, or jumping from joy and he has a strong sense of self and braided hair and he kisses someone he loves and they love him back. He feels in control and he can decide who he is and what he does. Sometimes dreaming is an escape, but more often dreaming feels like the bigger life and everything else is the blurry background. Dreaming isn’t always something you do when you’re asleep, sometimes he dreams when he’s eating, reading, or just lying awake in bed. He learnt it as a kid, spent way too much time like that in class and when lectured by John, or Dean, for that matter.

Heaven wasn’t like that. Heaven turned out to be better. In heaven, his daily, everyday life was the main subject and all his best moments were just playing out one after another. Like the time Dean and him spent time watching cartoons all day and eating nothing but burned toast all day, but somehow it felt like the best day ever. That year he was at the nicest school and he had friends and John wasn’t home a lot, but Dean was old enough to drive them to school and back and Sam trusted him, and admired him. And life felt good. The same year they went to that one meadow one night, with a bag full of fireworks and Sam set them off and they were loud and pretty and it was all so big. And then when he met his first crush. That was a confusing time, but he was so happy whenever she looked at her during classes, or passed by in the cafeteria. Or when they were in that group assignment together and Sam got to talk to her.

Heaven was better than dreaming, because it was living. He was reliving all his best hits and his heart was filled with joy and love. He wanted to stay so badly he forgot what the plan had been, and just floated in heaven, in those memories. Until he got to Jess. Meeting Jess. It shocked him and made him realise his heart had not recovered from all that.

The promise of happiness shattered. Heaven shattered.

Heaven crumbles down and Sam sees Cas in front of him. They look at each other, Sam with tears in his eyes, and Cas looking apologetic.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” they say, and take Sam by the hand, “we have to move on.”

Sam feels something like wind blow past him and suddenly they’re standing on a ledge, with the ocean underneath, loud as a chainsaw, hurring and roaring. Cas is yelling but Sam can’t hear. He’s too overwhelmed. Everything hurts and his heart is breaking. He can still smell Jess, like she smelled when they first met and her first words to him keep playing in his mind.

He wants to go back to Jess, to hold her, to tell her he loves her, to kiss her.

Cas keeps yelling, and motioning at him and shaking him. Sam looks at Cas and sees the panic in their eyes. The ocean quiets down underneath, and Cas’ voice comes through the noise.

“Sam! Please! You have to listen to me”

“Cas?” Sam feels out of place and numb and like this was a mistake. How will they ever get out?

“Sam. Listen. You drifted, I could not reach you, we’ve wasted time. My grip on your soul almost slipped, you wanted to go, please don’t do that again,” Cas looks terrified.

Sam feels like falling down and crying. All he can think about is Jess, and all the people he loved and lost. How much more can he bear? Cas takes a grip on his shoulders and presses his thumbs against his collar bones.

“Focus on my voice. We have to keep going. Do you know which way to go from here?”

“What? I… I don’t even know where we are,” Sam looks around and it does not look familiar, at all. Has he ever even been on a ledge?

“It could not be a place where you’ve been, it can be a feeling or an image, even a sound?”

“A feeling?”

Suddenly Sam recognises it. This is how he feels when he thinks of Jess, lonely, alone, crushed and distant from everything. As he realises this, the world turns, and fades and twists at the same time.

It doesn’t take long before they end up in the next place. It’s the impala, parked. It’s quiet, only some birds chirping. The sun is painting the horizon orange and red and purple. It’s early spring and outside looks cold but it’s warm and toasty in the car. Sam knows what this is. Cas is sitting in the backseat, and talking. Sam can’t hear him again, but he starts the car, intuitively. They have to get out of here.

#my writing #cas x sam #ok to rb!#pls comment and like if read #like if read especially #i will rb this a million times

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kuntrabida · 6 years ago

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a post! :0 and a filipina superhero

what’s UP y’all? (like, the 10 of y’all that are here LMAO)

so I haven’t really posted anything on here other than my academic research on fanfiction and parasocial relationships, but uh—in case you ain’t been knew—I write too!!

and since september/october I’ve sorta been writing this... novel... about... a Filipina superhero/antihero in the NYC area? who has the power to... shapeemotionintotangiblematerial GOD I always feel like an idiot when I explain it to people LMAO

(hence—in case you haven’t caught on—the username “tracethisfeeling”... there’s more where that came from but that’s a WHOLE ‘nother tangent.)

and it sounds real wild, I know. especially on paper... I say “sorta been writing” because I’ve been writing and scrapping and rewriting the FIRST CHAPTER for a whopping 8 months ahhh,,,,,

I have a lot of other chapters and snippets already drafted but that FIRST CHAPTER you guys. It’s been a bitch to write. For some reason that only makes me love it even more.

and this story, y’all. Idk. I’ve spent nearly a year planning everything out and freewriting and developing these characters and plotlines and themes relevant to today’s society in my head and it’s kind of become my baby? My imperfect, stubborn, far-too-complex baby. And I’ve really, really been struggling to make it perfect.

i can’t let this draft live in the vacuum of my own head/Google Drive (let’s be real; they’re basically the same thing) though. the entire point of writing it, besides creating a personal and creative outlet, was to shine a spotlight on our society in a bit of an unconventional way, with unconventional heroes making unconventional (we’ll make that the euphemism for “morally dubious” here) decisions. Another really important thing I went for was REPRESENTATION.

yeah, this is kinda selfish; I just wanted to see a Filipina superhero. Not only that, but teams of crime-fighters and characters that are as diverse as my real-life group of friends. As much as I adore the current body of super-media at our disposal (Endgame really ripped my heart out this year LOL), I think we’ve all seen enough of white guys in Spandex. For now.

point is, it’d be really nice if we could see ourselves. Which is why I feel like I can’t just keep this to myself.

so i’m posting this here. i’ve always intended to publish this story online somewhere (maybe even self publish in the future, but hey, i’m getting ahead of myself), especially since i’ve started reading fanfiction more regularly (thanks, research; and damn, y’all are TA.LEN.TED. and mad inspiring) and while I know Wattpad is a resource I might utilize concurrently, I guess I just feel most at home on Tumblr.

the first chapter still isn’t done, but it WILL BE. soon. like, seriously, i’m putting this here so you can hold me to my word: i WILL have the first chapter up sometime this weekend. i’ve been sitting on it for far too long; at this point, nothing’s ever gonna be perfect, and i may as well just full fucking send. i’m hoping i can get some feedback as well because honestly, i need it.

in the meantime, i’ll post a snippet of the one portion from the FIRST CHAPTER™️ that i DO deem acceptable below, just to tease at what’s to come.

tbh i’m a lil nervous LMAO bc my writing is so far from crystal clear and concise (don’t you ever wish someone else—someone FAR MORE intelligent and articulate than you—had the same world hatch inside their head so they could EXPLAIN it and EXECUTE that vision in the most effective way? idk.) but these past eight months have taught me so much about myself and my writing and even though it’s confusing at times, i hope you can read it.

so, here’s a sneak peek at Manifest. It’s mad whack. It’s a time. I’m still figuring it out. But it’s ALSO about damn time we gave a Filipina American some superhero clout, ya know?

here it is, in all it’s rambly glory:

<<<<The doctors call it synesthesia.

Theoretically, that’s what puts the pink in the lust emanating from the doorway, brings the soft velvet feel of it to the palms of Analyn’s hands; and with everyone outside radiating varied shades of desire—either that or the yellow in ecstasy, the black in pissed, the blue in heartbreak—simply standing in the hall became too much for her senses to handle.

Ordinarily, Analyn would know how to shut out the too much with the bathroom door and her own static—but there’s never been this much of too much.

There’s a reason she’s never been to one of Blaire Killian’s parties.

She’s not even sure how she ended up here in the first place. About a hundred other nights preceding this one had started similarly enough: with Diane bursting into Analyn’s room, some pre-selected outfit in hand, begging her to ride up to the penthouse at 432. All those nights had been cut short by a definitive No.

Tonight, though—tonight was different. Next thing Analyn knew, she was asking her parents for twenty dollars and a curfew extension.

“Bahala ka,” her mother had replied. A Filipino phrase. It’s up to you.

It always has been.

So she and Diane had left her apartment, off to Prince Street platform for the N train out of Soho.

And judging by the way she’s fading in and out of consciousness against Killian’s absurdly gorgeous bathroom sink, that might’ve been the worst fucking decision Analyn’s ever made.>>>>

I’m super (perhaps way too) excited to share this with y’all, if ya couldn’t tell. And tonight, I decided I’d just post this; hopefully, it’ll give me some incentive to actually FOLLOW THROUGH with the current draft of this FIRST. CHAPTER.

I’ll see y’all back here soon.

—all the love,

c.a.l.

(get hyped <3)

(P.S. oh my god I should mention that the four main personalities in this wee thing are based on the four types of researchers. i’m really never going to escape it, am i?)

#writing #novel #book writing #superhero #filipina #manifest

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dykecassidy · 6 years ago

Note

1 9 10 12 17 18 19 20 27 30 for the writing ask meme! pick and choose tho if u dont wanna do all/any of em!

writer asks

1. Do you listen to music when you write?

yes! it cant be new stuff, though. it has to be well listened to, familiar, bc otherwise i start paying attention to the lyrics and thinking of stuff other than what im writing.

9. Current WIP

like as in open right now, is chapter 17 of wyw. i got like 5 paragraphs.

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

i try to? i dont have much success with that. i need to have the outside expectation, like i told someone i would write it for them and i said i could do it in a certain time frame. i do pretty good with the twbb and twrpzine deadlines, tho i am still usually crunched at the end.

12 answered!!

17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?

i outline so so so much. i love it. i do it when i dont want to commit to starting an idea, when i feel i cant write it fully, when i just want it down and out as quick as possible. its just bullet points and “so like”. its just spitballing with myself. i can [whatever] the perfect word until later, i can “so he was like ‘lmao’” bc i know what that dialogue feels like, i can commentate about how wild it is, and note about how i need to fix it.

18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

funnily enough i was searching my blog for archie and i found a post i tagged them in about a kind of challenge where you alternate chapters and try to write completely different genres, wrestling the story from one another.

i also constantly want to collab with all my friends that write; me, foleh, and lula are almost kind of constantly working collaboratively and very rarely “formally writing”. i wanna do comedy action with emma, where sung shrieks and everyone stares. i wanna do Weird fuckshit with cleo where havve is.... havve and phobos is phogoin’.

19. How do you keep yourself motivated?

i get excited about what im making! i get excited about making a story and seeing the end, and sharing that snippet of a world with other people.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

ddont do this to me

in terms of like, pure outlines? things i have plotted out? like. im gonna low ball and say at least a dozen. even things i have no intentions of actually finishing, things that are like parts of a larger series (wyw and next big au).

i have many many story ideas; i have a folder of notes on my phone thats just ‘fic’ and its inspiration, seeds, drawings for things. a lot of them are vague ideas, dialogue snippets, even just lyrics. idk what ill do with them, but theyre there.

27. Favourite line/scene

ohh.

okay i scrolled down gdocs and picked something at random. i picked a fic from the v creatively named ‘angel au’.

A mop of golden brown hair, curls sticking up, bedhead. Big dark eyes looking at Rob, on a face covered with freckles, almost glowing, almost glittery. Rob’s hand on their face, his skin looking light and rosy next to theirs. Their mouth moved, the same shapes over and over, head shaking.

“It’s okay,” [Josh] could hear Rob say, “just go slow. I’m here.”

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

my next human au!!! im keeping to kind of the same theme, where only one (1) member of tarp is actually a human, and this time around itll be phobos. Sung is his dog, who is still perfectly named doctor sung bc cmon thats a rly good dog name and hes like a corgie/retriever/mutt mix. i have 3 chapters outline at least partially, the first one half started, and im deliberately being tight lipped on it.

#ask #i did em all!!!!!!!#thank u sm tess #tea-and-finalfantasy

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summertime-children · 6 years ago

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WIP Challenge

Tagged by @kikithedeceiver (thanks~)

Tagging: @starspatter, @cookiehoodie and Meli if she ever sees this bc I want a snippet of all her unwritten knkd fics (?) (and if any writer out there needs a nudge to share their WIPs, feel tagged!)

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’ll do what what Kiki did and post titles of my WIPs with comments and short fragments of them? I’ll share here only my kagepro WIPs (so basically kidokano/Kano ones lol). A little warning before we start: it’s going to be very long lol bc I can’t finish fics to save a live and I have... lots of ideas, plus I never get to talk about them >.> Also they’re going to be getting gradually worse bc I’ll go from newest to ancient-est. (Full disclosure tho, those aren’t raw quotes from my WIPs bc some had so visible grammar errors, I just had to fix them + I always put notes in my works, like every second word lol) Here we go.

Listen

Comment: This is the freshiest one, I was writing bits of it merely the day before, and because of that I still naively believe I will finish and post it soon, so I won’t say anything more about it.

”I want you to understand. You… need to know there’s so much to love about you!”

“Haha like what?” he laughed with bitter sounding laugh, something that must had slipped as it was followed by a face she had occasion to see only a few times- a face of regret. Regret of choosing wrong words, wrong mask to put on or forgetting to put her at all.

Different ways to say it

Comment: Just a short fluff where Kano’s snarky bottomness is showing lol

“You should’ve asked ‘Can you kiss me?’ instead.”

Kano is dumbfounded for a few seconds before he snorts.

“Right.” he begins with a playful grin “Let me fix that. Can you, Kido Tsubomi, the fierce leader of Mekakushi Dan, my girlfriend, my sun, my stars, the love of my life, the love of my thousands other lives, do me an absolute honor and light up my da-“

He didn’t even manage to finish before he felt the pair of soft lips landed on his, catching his words.

New chapter

Comment: Won’t say much about it because it’s supposed to be a gift for certain someone~ But here’s a little sneak peek 👀

That was weird. They never really talked about having any pets. They talked about having kids (as much as stating that they want to make a family together during several separate occasions counts), but the topic of having pets was never brought up and in a timespan of living together and even moreso of living alone together, they already had plenty of opportunities to get one. And yet Kano always knew that when Kido pictured their future family together there was also present a small ball of fur waving its tail and he could see it in her eyes at that moment more visibly than ever.

GrimReaper!Kido x Vampire!Kano

Comment: I was very disappointed with the knkd fanwork of that one Halloween art, so I decided to write something that would satisfy me (with no success so far rip).

The black figure that merged with the ubiquitous dark hanged up the big scythe they were holding on the wall, among the collection of similar but different in sizes scythes, proceeded to take off their shoes (but then put them quickly back on, changing their mind as soon as their feet met with the concrete) and pulled off the black hood of their cloak to reveal the long green hair, something that finally stood out in the darkness, before walking deeper into the room.

I can’t wait to fall in love with you

Comment: Inspired by well, that one sentence that is in the title and lowkey (?) by Meli’s lovely fic~ It’s the kind of fic that I myself call “(not) soulmates au”. It revolves around the idea that after so many timelines of falling in love with each other, they’re just bound to fall in love again... Even when they don’t remember their past lives...

“Oh man, I can’t wait to fall in love with you.” Kido turned her gaze towards the blond lying next to her on the couch. Her widened from being taken aback by his statement eyes met his golden, cat-like ones, tinted with the strange warm spark that she could feel she had yearn for a very long time. It lasted only a second though because soon her brows furrowed and her gaze dropped from those well-too-familiar (given the circumstances) eyes to her hands.

Two cats

Comment: Set in the sort of the au where they never died? On one winter day Kano takes stray cat to his house to take care of. It’s solely Kano fic btw.

Forgetting for a moment about his own advice (why he should had kept repeating it in his head) he looked over his shoulder to see if his stalker was still there and in that moment their gazes lock. “Crap.” He couldn’t help but think ‘curiosity killed the cat’ as a pair of similar eyes to his stared back at him.

hbd kido

Comment: Product of my procrastination. (As you may tell, I have a problem with it). One year I was slightly~ more productive and was kinda disappointed that I didn’t manage to write Christmas fic. So then I thought that I could save some time and write this fic where Kido has joint Birthday-NewYear party with Christmas decorations still lying around (including mistletoe *cough cough*) just in time for KidoKano Day killing not two, but even four birds with one stone. It’s sort of high school au btw.

“Hi.” The boy tried again. His face was embellished with wide grin and slightly flashed cheeks and in his hand she noticed a can of beer. Oh no.

“Hi, Kano.” She said with disinclination. It wasn’t like she didn’t like the guy. Even more, in the normal situation, like average day in the school, she would find a conversation with him a nice or refreshing thing. He was one of a few people that actually knew about her existence and despite her previous prejudice he turned out to be a pretty nice guy.

Christmas Event

Comment: I’m not sure what Christmas event that was for lol.

For Kano it was this time of a year when his Mother would stay home the whole day instead of going to work and she would be more kind to him. Though he wouldn’t call it exactly this way (it’s not like he felt she wasn’t kind to him normally after all), but she was definitely more forgiving.

Affectionate meme Requests

Comment: Requested for the writing meme in the year 2016. Keeps it as a reminder of how big loser I am (?) (just what this post manages to do so far lol) The prompt was “love bite” >.>

From her spot she couldn’t see him quite clear, due to the still turned off lights, so it was only up to her imagination to decide whether he recollected his mask or not. Maybe it was the second after all, because excluding two golden eyes that shone at her there were two bright spots that stood out in the dark, both marked on his skin.

M!KidoKano

Comment: It was supposed to be male!Kido x Kano fic and yeah... I’m emberassed about it tbh. Like, by the fact I wanted to write it itself. Idk now I find it rather weird to genderbend only one person from the pairing, especially in the fic and for that reason I won’t share fragment from it. Sadly it’s one of my better written pieces lol and going back to it I see I made male!Kido no differnt from the regular Kido... which makes it a good genderbend I guess, but also completely unnecessary.

Angsty Kano fic

Comment: I have no idea lol There’s almost nothing written there.

Even Greater Fear

Comment: Despite what title may suggest it’s more fluffy than angsty. KanoKido family fluff where Kano gets anxious about how happy he is now and that he might someday lose it too. Featuring my knkd fankids, Naoki and Reika.

“Mom, dad is sad!” announced Reika with reproach. This she wasn’t expecting.

“What?” Tsubomi asked out of surprise and was followed by a low groan coming from behind the couch that could belong only to her beloved husband.

“No, I’m not.” She watched how the expressions of her children slowly changed from the ones of concern to the ones of disappointment and disgust.

“And he’s denying it.”

Inverted

Comment: Silly engagement scenario. If I ever finish that, it'll be my comedic genius’ peak I swear (?)

He was clearly getting more nervous, the longer the searching wasn’t bringing any results. He let go of Kido’s hand and got his another one to help him search for whatever was supposed to be in that pocket. However, after a while his movements completely stopped and with some kind of dread in the eyes he whispered under his breath, “It’s gone.”

Time

Comment: Angsty setomary fic I wanted to write for SetoMary Spring (anyone remember that?)

When she moved out to her new family the first thing she noticed was that time has significantly slowed down. Oddly, somehow it did accelerate at the same time. It was hard to explain and she herself couldn’t understand the feeling nor did she give it much consideration, but for the first period of living in that new world, new pace of that very activity- living- has struck her.

One in a million

Comment: An actual soulmates au (with the variation of the red thread concept). It’s way too ambitious for me lol (starting with the fact that it’s supposed to be multi-chapter story). I won’t share a fragment of it bc not much’s written and bc tbh there would be spoilers, in case I ever do post it. I could write about the concept in a seperate post though because I did a lot of world-building for it. (A lot for me, ok?)

Clear and present

Comment: Ghost AU. Baby Kano hides one time in the abandoned, partly burned mantion and that’s where he meets the ghost of (scary) green-haired teenage girl he befriends. Somehow got inspired by that anthology comic? Also I would listen to this song while attempting to write it lol. Not much was written though.

What I didn’t

Comment: This one’s rare. My only attempt at writing harutaka fanfic. (Funnily enough last safe was on kidokano day?... many years ago.) In the manga Takane was pretty excited to give Haruka a present for his birthday, but he had an attack and was hospitalized so she didn’t and it wasn’t said (?) if she ever gave it to him later. So my idea for this fic was that she didn’t and how she was now trying to give it to him after three years. Took huge inspiration from this song: {x}

She didn’t have to wait long until there were heard slow, but at the same time hurried footsteps behind the door and soon it was followed by the sound of doors being unlocked. The doors before her opened revealing the light-brown-haired boy wearing excited smile and slightly oversized green sweater with embroidered reindeer. And one of these was just the warmest thing in this cold winter world.

Sneeze like a kitten

Comment: Inspired by one line from Gravity Falls lol It was just another thing I wanted to add to list of similarities between Kano and cats and I’m sure it would bring Kido joy too ;3 But as much as I still find this idea cute it is so awkwardly written lol. I kinda appreciate that it’s from Rin’s POV and that I tried using kinda fancier English for that reason (as fancy as I knew back then lol), but I guess first person fics will always sound weird. It’s set in a different route I guess where they sort of met before the orphanage.

Soon I noticed all her glances seemed to be directed at small boy with blond hair sitting alone on the bench, a little away from the playground. At first I was fairly surprised, not understanding why this particular boy had become her spot of interest, but giving more attentive look at the boy made me instantly realize reasons of her intent glances.

Connection

Comment: I have almost nothing written there and I barely remember it, but from what I can see it must be my original idea for the “formal event” prompt from the very first kanokido week. I... think it was sort of an au where they never died and they met at some sort of fancy party held by Kido’s parents where Kano was a waiter.

Oof that’s all (I mean all from the folder on my pc, but I won’t be getting into that). For a fair portion of it, I gotta objectively say there’s absolutely zero chance of me ever finishing them, but then (aside from the freshest ones that I still have on my mind) revisiting all those WIPs made me really want to revive some of them owo (some I would have to completely re-write tho OTL)

#my writing #writing meme #kidokano #kanokido #absolutely none of those are kanokido but wtv (?)#not sure if i should tag it with anything more #it's too long no one is gonna read it anyway lol #kikithedeceiver #starspatter #cookiehoodie #shuuyakido

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asakamasanobu · 3 years ago

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you see as i was listening to the otrfk drama tracks yesterday i was like “ehh i probably won’t have much to say since i’ve already read the manga chapters these tracks are from to death and there is no asaka-san for me to cry over so wow maybe i won’t end up having enough thoughts to mega dump for once” but honestly that is one of the fattest lies i’ve ever told myself bc i am Always having thoughts and Always wanting to talk about them so therefore !!!!! gonna dump them here now bc i was too exhausted to do so yesterday and have nothing better to do on the train to get hotpot (girl idk why either as if i did anything yesterday other than game and cry my eyes out to the same BLs that i’ve been crying my eyes out over for the past three months

tbh most of the shit i have to say is about that One specific scene which is in the eighth track so that’s a thing but before i get into that i want to say like . even when i listened to a few snippets in nov it just tickles me so much that yuichi is cv sakurai takahiro like wfhdjshsjs i know he is a voice actor and his job is to Act and by gods he’s acting ..... the way yuichi is the usui takumi of BL tops to me with how he’s written and drawn and yet i can’t help but think about how sakurai also voices the bottomest of all BL bottoms cryingnggg plus the way so many of misaki’s mannerisms manifest in suzuken’s wataru it’s so funny like i cannot wrap my head around the fact that sakurai isn’t wataru but YUICHI bc he is an actor and he sure is acting

okay anyway .. i really really fucking love the student council room confrontation scene even way back when i read it for the first time it was so dramatic and emoi and emotionally charged and as a big fan of the miscommunication trope that scene is the mother of all miscommunications u__u but i think when i was reading it i thought yuichi lost his composure at the Final scene after wataru slapped the shit out of him and ran off bc of that silly little zoom in to his panicked face but THE DRAMA TRACKS ....... the way his whole voice wilts when wataru tells him he’s thrown away the ring he sounded so defeated and shaky and broken and Not yuichi bro it had me on the floor gasping in yuichi-induced pain and then when he’s like “i’m not looking at you?” like godddd Dd some good fucking shit i will Definitely be replaying the drama track whenever i reread that part like i think cool, charming yuichi is great and bitchy, asshole who doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings yuichi is also great but wow ..... grappling with the fact that the person he’s in love with has thrown away a ring that means so much to them both and is too shocked to put up a front as he always does yuichi is truly the pinnacle of all yuichis

OH BUT ALSO the extra track at the end was such a delightful little surprise like i was so sure it was gonna be takako apology scene but i guess they didn’t want to go through the hassle of hiring another seiyuu to voice takako’s mom LOL i just think ....... snippets of wataru and yuichi’s relationship where they’re both still in high school is so neat T___T like the whole of volume 1 + the special chapter at the end of volume 5 is all that i’ve got in my empty, empty little hands but i just think the dynamic of meeting up covertly in school and having secret spots is sooooo fucking nice and i wish we had more of it ..... but at the same time it’s not like i wish we didn’t have that timeskip to uni student yuichi from volume 2 onwards bc it gave us asaka and asaka the world and i would rather Die than have less asaka scraps than what we presently have and girl look at me making everything about asaka again ANYWAY i just think that scene is so cute T___T both these fuckers being a little jealous of each other and yuichi wanting kawamura to gtfo asap so he can have as much alone time with his boyfriend as he wants i enjoy that a totally normal amount yes

now i’m all set to jump to the sole asaka-san cameo drama cd i found except it’s on his most important scenes so i’m very happy it’s the one available for me to listen to T___T i didn’t listen to anything other than the car hug scene and bits from the orchestra but he is everything to me and cv kamiyan is still something i’m wrapping my head around he sounded a little sterner than i pictured but girl i love you to death anyway you can be anything you want to be

#also very happy to announce none of my sister’s friends saw me listening and having a good cry to BL cds #my sister did come in at one point and was like tf u wearing earphones for ??? GIRL SO UR FRIENDS DONT HEAR SHIT #but then again they did see me having a quaint little sing along to mirror aka asaka’s song aka i was just #setting up the mood for myself which is also like girl why asaka isn’t even gonna be THERE #and then bc im talking about seiyuu whiplash i feel like it is only necessary that i talk about ritsu again #even in posts that are not about ritsu he is constantly in my head but GOD WHEN I FOUND OUT KONDO TAKASHI VOICED HIM #i’ll never forget that i have the most vivid memory of being in my chinese tuition teacher’s bathroom bc i was trying to Not attend class #googling shit on the toilet to pass time aka why im illiterate in chinese now and then seeing ritsu’s seiyuu like HELLOFHSKDG #the character i know kondo-san from is like polar opposite of ricchan but also deeply meaningful to me so it was some whiplash #ok ritsu talk over yet again but it will never actually be over ^__^ i just reached my destination

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penrose-quinn · 2 years ago

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Okay, part 2 of my overdue comment! Lezzgoooo ୧(*≧▽≦)୨

❁ Just a slight, quick tangent before we get into the meat of this because I didn’t get to mention other things I noticed in my first rb hehe

❀ This is embarrassing, but I do remember commenting/speculating awhile back that Yua was a victim of domestic abuse along with her mother (by her father) only for it to turn out that I was dead wrong lol, distasteful pun intended. It was just her mother though, right? I’m a sort of sucker reading into how family/intergenerational trauma plays (well, in this case, plagues) the lives of characters in some way. With the manner her mother haunts her into adulthood, I am curious about her relationship with her father and aunt too, knowing her aunt’s the reason why she got into the hostessing business in the first place! But, like, also tell me if it’s not that important at all haha. I’m aware that by the end of the day, Yua is an orphan like Kakucho. They’re supposed to mirror the other’s loneliness for being left behind (and to fend for themselves in a cruel, unfair world), which makes their bond all the more special and meaningful to one another, esp when they find each other again but I’ll get to that later.

❁ Okay so...Requital of a Crane and Tanabata. Yk it took me a long while to realize that I actually grew up with these stories! I’m more familiar of the Cowheard and the Weaver girl (more the Chinese tale than the Japanese one) but Requital of a Crane unlocked a childhood memory for me the moment I searched it up lol.

❀ For the latter, I do kind of wonder who’s the Crane Wife between Kakucho and Yua. I mean at first glance, you’d think it’s Kakucho (bc of his name) and he does come back for her bearing gifts, but then it is Yua who flees. There’s a lot of variations of the tale, but it’s still winds up to saving the other and repaying one’s debt.

In your unique spin to it, the parallels are interesting and I wonder how it plays into the plot overall when they meet each other again in Murasaki. Because Yua helps Kakucho when he’s at his low point so I wonder if he returns that favor with her predicament in Murasaki. It’s complicated, though. Yua seems to be an important asset to Mara-kai/Murasaki and Kakucho is too entrenched in violence and crime that it does leave you wondering where they’ll end up. That’s just me saying you make their story very riveting. It’s still too early to tell how it’ll go but I’ll just keep speculating (or maybe steel my heart) for what’s to come :)))

❀ For the former, I was screaming lol. I already know they were meeting in this chapter ever since you posted a snippet of your writing, BUT the moment Tanabata was mentioned, I was like, HELL YEAH OH MY GODDD GIRL THIS IS SO PERFECT!!!

When you think of the story, it’s about lovers’ reuniting, which masterfully plays into Yua and Kakucho (cuz they’re soulmates <3), but then I also couldn’t help but be a bit anxious over the other implications.

Because while yes, they do finally have that sweet, sweet reunion, it does leave the question how long does it last when I noticed how frequently the weather gets brought up: the glowering sky and amidst the dark rain clouds. Knowing that on the same day, an agreement/alliance had been formed between the Mara-kai and Bonten, and when you do think about it, the reality of Yua and Kakucho’s situations, the darkness of their worlds and these crime syndicates are the rain that will separate them from being together, even though ironically enough, it’s what brought them together again too. I’m at awe. It’s genius. I really loved that part, among many others! \(★ω★)/

❁ I love that they don’t recognize each other immediately in the elevator! They only met once and it’s been eight years so it would make sense for it to slowly sink in that they do know each other.

❁ Idk why but this part was so endearing to me｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ sndMjfnafksmk

“He points to the streak across his eye. “Do you remember me?””

YESSS GO KAKUCHO!! GO GET YOUR GIRL!!!

“[...] by the time he's caught a clear view of her face, Kakuchō knows deep in his bones what he must do. He must not let her slip away again, not the way he did eight years ago.”

❁ While Kakucho and Yua’s relationship is still unfolding before us, there’s a lot of foundation built into it (and I really look forward to how it develops as we move on to the story!). They occupy each other’s thoughts like a part of them is still seventeen and they never left that empty apartment. They’re still searching for each other in a way, and their memory for the other is good, full of fondness and unforgettable. I think it’s cute that they were childhood crushes, but what I really do love about their relationship is the solace and understanding they could see in each other, reading into their loneliness, knowing what aches inside but finding relief that they aren’t alone this time. That 'someone finally gets me, I’m so glad to meet you, thank you.’ - kind of thing. I wouldn’t say it’s just trauma bonding, but something more and will be more.

These lines just sum it up for me and they’re *chef’s kiss*

“They share a smile that endures this time, enjoying the comfort of understanding a person despite knowing nothing about them. To avoid the sting of her ointment, Kakuchō closes his eye and she turns into a blurry figure behind frosted glass. But some things are clear to him now: the empty house, the rusty holes on her blouse. High schools in Japan—schools in general, actually—are notorious for gavelling down on anyone who’s different, and in a society where a proper family unit forms the most basic block, won’t the lack of it make one the most different of all? He smoulders at the thought—whether because it is happening or because it is happening to her, he isn’t sure.”

“Your lips never met, but as far as you cared you’d lost your first kiss then. You managed to wrench yourself out of gravity’s pull with a rather impolite joke. He responded in kind, and it occurred to you that at some point the both of you had stopped being strangers.”

“You didn’t know a thing about the boy, not even his name, but you had a feeling that if you were to only hum a single note, he’d know the whole song.”

Aaaand of course the best one <3333

“ Upon his bid, the world gives way to this man before you. The haze of eight years starts to thin, and slowly he takes on the shape of that boy outside your door, the one who so earnestly asked if he’d see you again. He’s been made unfamiliar by a taut face, longer hair and a sleek, dark suit—but because this is someone you once learned by touch, you have no doubt about who he is. A name gathers at the tip of your tongue, like a song once beloved.

“Kakuchō.” You’re smiling before you know it. “I’d remember you even without that scar.””

Then you end it with Never have you spoken truer words in your time at Club Murasaki, because she’d never been honest with anyone and since she is a hostess, her character is purposely, tactically, disingenuous. No one even knows her true name (except Mama). She’s Utsu, this hollow woman, this shell of a person to Murasaki, but to Kakucho, she’s herself, that girl he met years ago, and she sees him for who he is too.

AHH IT’S JUST SO--

Now that I think I’ve covered my thoughts on the chapter, you know this already but I do admire you as a writer. You’re brilliant. You’re a lovely person. Your characterizations are layered and beautifully complicated. I’ll always love your Kakucho. I already thought he was okay when he was introduced in the manga before, but I really started to care for him in your writing! Along with the Tenjiku Boys!! I really look forward seeing more of Bonten, but I’m pretty sure I’ll adore your version of them, just from the small moments and glimpses we’ve come across so far. I can’t thank you enough for writing ROAC, honestly! Please know I’ll always appreciate the time and research done for this fic.

Aside from the Chinese and Japanese folktales and stories woven in the narrative, it’s really a blessing to me to find a fic that incorporates Japanese culture and its nuances in any piece, you’ve no idea! Everyone will always have a different interpretation of something and I’m okay with that, but there’s also a part of me that is still craving for at least one fic that understands that everyone in TR is Japanese and there are certain things and mindsets that are important to keep in mind. I’m not asking for an accurate depiction, but I do care that the culture and certain behaviors (even speech patterns) are taken into consideration. You certainly delivered on that, even though you’re writing this fic in English!! I know Japanese and English don’t mesh well sometimes :’) and I commend you for the effort! I had a blast reading and trying to decipher ROAC, if it wasn’t obvious enough! Let’s hope that once Izana makes his cameo in the last episode of s2 that s3 comes in early and that we don’t have to wait for another two years :’)

Anyways, I hope you’re doing okay in RL and that it’s been kind to you! Wishing you the best and always take care!! Sending you lots of love, Yoko!!! (ノ˘ ▾˘)ノ♡~( ˘▾˘~๑)

Chapter 5: cowherd and weaver

We know how the story ends: in all versions of it, the crane leaves her lover in tears.

(In which: Kakuchō meets you at his worst. Eight years later, you meet him at yours.)

Pairings: Kakuchō x F!OC/Reader (ft. Haitani Ran x F!OC/Reader)

Series Tags / TW & CW / Notes: Dark/Mature Themes, Bonten!Timeline (or rather, pre-Bonten / Rise of Bonten Era), TR Manga Spoilers, Angst & Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Organized Crime, Blood & Violence, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Japanese Culture, OC will have a name but this will largely be written in 2nd POV, Character Study, Hostessing & Forced Prostitution, etc.

(WC: ~7.5k)

Series Index | Read on AO3 here!

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#kakucho x reader #kakucho x oc #ran haitani x reader #ran haitani x oc #tokyo revengers x reader #fic recs

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