#so again they wouldnt be that good as a family member

[saltycharacters]

Jassel gives big uncle energies. No one actually knows where the uncle came from but he just shows up to family events and gives kids fireworks and says "have fun"

MSAGASFHS See this is correct because you would not want Jassel to be the uncle to your kids unless you are ok with their fingers getting blown off

[ghostcrows]

the way people talk about and view mental illness has always been under this veil of sympathy and understanding but really when that energy is most needed it all just vanishes. we have 200 more specific terms for certain symptoms and 2000 more videos on how to stop procrastinating and how to deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria and 50000 new videos on how it's In Your Brain and it's Hereditary and it's Homemade by your Primary Caregivers but people still dont really ...get it. they just dont. the resources available are so hollow. its empty promises. suicide hotline that just gets you insta-detained. therapist you talk in circles with for a third of your income per session. housing program with a wait list that only gets longer. this insistence that you build up a support system with no support. this quietly depleting time frame you have (or feel you have, this very real pressure) in which to get your shit together before you're just another sad statistic. always having to wait until you're at the brink of complete self destruction to get help, and by then. how much damage is already done

it's all just casting shadows on the wall

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller au part 8

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Part 9 is here!

Everything around you warped as you jumped off the cliff. You closed your eyes as you heard Baldwin scream your name in agony, the air whipped around you and you hoped that you returned to your house, hopefully with a soft landing.

You fell onto the hard ground on your arm, breaking it. You screamed before biting your lip to hold it as you realised that you had landed... in a forest.

You pulled out your time machine and read the time and place.

1530. Ottoman empire.

Oh hell no-

You tried to change the time to return to your present world, but the dial buttons were broken and you couldnt do anything but hope it'll work again and return you back to your time.

Blinking away the tears, you clutched your arm and struggled to stand up, groaning in pain. The fall had knocked the air out of you, and made your entire body ache as you staggered towards a tree for support.

This has to be- Baldwin must've cursed me for leaving him.

Fixing your gown, you removed your wedding veil to make a hijab and used the length of it to cover your body like a chaddar. Clutching your broken arm, you began walking. Where? You dont know, but you need to get out of the forest first as you didnt pay much attention to "Man V/S Wild" because the first episode you watched started off with Bear Grylls drinking his own piss and you didnt think you'd ever be in a situation where you would need that kind of skills.

"And I wont." You huffed, walking. Besides, the wild isnt the only thing you need to survive. You're a lone woman in a forest where good samaritans arent the only ones to cross it. And you dont think you have a fighting chance against strangers with a broken limb.

The sun was starting set by the time you made it out of the forest and you saw a small cottage. If it wasnt for the old woman tending to her chickens outside, you wouldnt have approached her. But alas, thirst and exhaustion overtook stranger-danger and you walked upto her.

"W... water?" You croaked in Turkish, sweat dripping down your face as you clutched your arm. Yes, you learnt the language as a child when there was no cable and the only place you and your brother could watch TV was at your Turkish neighbours house. Granted, all they ever played was soap dramas, but hey- your family was poor and you had to make do.

The old lady's eyes widened at your state and she rushed inside to get water. By the time she came out with her husband, you had passed out.

-

When you came to, you were lying in bed while the couple fretted over you. It turned out that the old man used to be a physician, so he popped your broken arm back in place and immobilised it expertly so that it allows for optimal healing of the bone. The old lady made you some food and thats when they asked what happened.

"I fell from a tree." You took a bite of the warm meal. "I was hiding there from some slave owners. I lost my parents a few days ago and when they found out that I was alone... they wanted to take me and sell me to the palace." Lying isnt that hard for you when you have so many true events to back you up.

The old couple pitied you and offered you their home. "You could stay here for as long as you'd like. We dont mind. In fact, we'd enjoy the company." You smiled gratefully. As days passed, you began helping them around the house with chores. They were lonely and they enjoyed having you around. You found out that they used to have a daughter but she was one day taken by the Janissaries (members of the elite infantry units that formed the Ottoman Sultan's household troops) to make her part of the harem and they never got to see her again.

It had been a month since you'd been living here. Your machine hadnt worked again and you didnt have the tools at hand to start working on it. You did accompany the old man to the town when he'd go get groceries, but you didnt risk finding a scholar or craftman to help you. No, the moment your eyes landed on the Topkapi palace at the other side of town, you had turned on your heel and already started making your way back to the cottage. As tempting as it was to see just how the sultans were, you were not going to try your luck by being trapped in that castle that had weird politics. Everyone was everyone's enemy- the heirs, the wives, the concubines, the eunuchs- everyone.

You and the old man had just returned from the town and you were trying to calm him down. Apparently, he got into a heated argument with the shopkeeper who was quite influential and lent people money, but he asked for high interest rates on return.

"I'll help you. Maybe I can find some work-" you offered but the old man absolutely refused. He didnt want you to leaving the cottage, especially not alone to go work with these scummy people he did not trust.

You smiled sadly. Perhaps you reminded him of his daughter.

"He's always been like this, but when Ayla was taken, he started loathing the sultan. How can you just break a family like that?" The old lady said as she stirred the pot. You hummed as you set the table, when the old man suddenly burst through the door, looking alarmed.

"Dear? Whats wrong?" The old lady walked up to him. He was looking at you.

"Janissaries- they're here." He said with dread. "The merchant- he must've sent them here! Quick, hide Y/n!" The old lady nodded in agreement as they began pushing you. The old man lifted up a wooden panel from the floor, revealing a small compartment.

"Hide in there and dont make a sound!" They said as they covered the space back with the wooden panel. You held your breath as you peeked through the slits in between the panels.

Just a few moments later, 5 men in red uniforms and swords resting on their sides, brazenly walked in.

Janissaries.

"Where's the girl?" One of them asked as the others looked around.

"What girl?" The old man asked as he pulled his wife closer to him.

"Dont pretend you dont know. We saw you walking in the market with a girl. Where's she?"

"She left. Her parents took her back. What do you want from her?" The old man replied.

The Janissaries kept looking around, going through rooms to find you.

"You havent paid your loan back. We're just here to take her while you make arrangements for your loan."

"I told you she's gone. And I told the merchant I already paid off his loan. With interest."

"Yes, but the interest increased last week. You didnt pay that."

"What does it concern you? You work for the sultan, not the merchant!"

"The merchant is friends with me, a Janissarie. If he's bothered, then I'm bothered. And if I'm bothered, then so is the sultan. Now, hurry up and tell me where she is."

"She's gone-" the old man was cut off by a punch.

You gasped, but quickly covered your mouth as the Janissarie's head snapped in your direction. He couldnt see you, but you could see him.

The old lady was crying now as she tended to her husband on the ground. The Janissaire looked back at her.

"If you dont tell me where she is right now, you will become a widow." He threatened her.

The old lady couldnt say anything as she kept on crying, but she made the mistake of looking at the wooden panel you were hiding under. That was enough of for the armed men to figure out.

They pulled the panel away and there you were, looking up at them with fear. They didnt have to communicate as they pulled you out and threw you over his shoulder, making their way out to their horses.

The old couple begged them to not take you away, but despite your best efforts to break free, you never stood a chance.

"Let me go-" You were silenced with a hard slap. The Janissarie looked at you.

"I will only say this once. I am taking you to the palace. If you make a single sound, I will slit your throat right then and there. If you run, I will behave very badly with you. Nod if you understand."

-

Some time later, you had been dragged into the Topkapi Palace. The guards talked amongst themselves about you, as if you're deaf.

"We should just sell her to the slave traders." One said.

"Or we could give her to the merchant and he can pay us more than the slave traders." Another said.

"We'll see who will pay the higher price for her. After she spends the night with me." Your eyes almost popped out of your socket.

The creep laughed as he yanked you close by the wrist. "Maybe I'll keep you permanently, tied to my bed-"

Allah, now would be a great time for the time machine to work. I dont care if I disappear before their eyes, I cant stay here-

"Well well well, what do we have here?" The Janissaries all straightened up at the new voice. "Bothering another woman of the harem? After you were almost beheaded the last time you stared at one with your pig ugly eyes?"

"Baris Agha, she is not part of the harem-"

"She became property of the sultan the moment you brought her in the palace." The man snapped at them as he stepped in front of you. Judging from his clothes and his effeminate mannerisms, you figured he was a eunuch. "Lets take a look, hm?" He gripped your chin roughly and tilted your face from side to side, a grimace appearing on his face.

"Not pretty enough to be a concubine. Tch. Maid it is."

Bitch.

"Baris Agha, you cant just take her from us-"

"Need I remind you of the woman from the sultan's war winnings you lot lost because you were drunk? I see, I should go and remind sultan of that." At that, the Janissaries scowled but kept quiet.

"Now stop standing there like buffoons. Go to your posts. And you-" Baris Agha gave you a pointed look. "You dont look from around here, but I'm going to assume that since you havent screamed or tried to run off, you understand what I'm saying, hm?" You gave a nod. Baris Agha rolled his eyes before turning on his heel, beckoning you to follow him with his index finger. "Hurry along. We have to train you for the feast tonight. A few servants died of smallpox, so we're a little short staffed."

You were lead to a hamam (a common bath area). Baris Agha was talking to the old lady standing outside. "She is the new maid. Have her prepared for tonight, hm?" He told the lady who ushered you in.

Baris Agha waited outside the hamam as he heard you shriek and yell, but he was unfazed. Everytime a new girl is brought here, she has to go through the same thing. A hot ,steaming bath, an invasive medical check up, a little degradation, nothing out of the norm. It is necessary to do this because if you are to serve the royal family, it wont bode well for you to be carrying any diseases or... any pride.

-

"You're lucky I'm short on servants or else I would've thrown you into the sea because I would never wish anyone to see the gait of a cow." He scolded you during your "maid training".

You bit your lip to stop the curses from slipping. You cant risk pissing off anyone here until you can find a way out, or your machine works. You've read details about the life in Ottoman empire, and sure majority of them were muslims, but they still had egos as large as Mount Everest.

"Baris Agha! Baris Agha!' A servant came running upto him. "A fight broke out in the harem! The concubines- ah! Its a mess!" He flailed his hands around in exasperation.

Baris's eyes widened before scowling. "I'll kill them all today! I swear! These women are more trouble than they're worth for!" He grumbled before looking at you.

"Keep moping, I'll come back. Dont do anything stupid or I will make you dig your grave!" He threatened before leaving with the servant.

As soon as he was out of sight, you considered running. But you dont know your way around this maze of a palace, and you dont wish to run into Baris Agha when you're trying to find your way out of these hallways. You need to be careful and find a way out. So, you slowly made your way towards the other end of the corridor while mopping (as an excuse when Baris returns and asks where'd you go) and peeked around the corners. When you found no one, you slowly walked down one end of the hall where you saw a door at the end while the right side of the hall overlooked the palace grounds and the other side of the hall had no doors but had these wooden windows that were shut so you couldnt see through them. You reached the door and opened it slowly, expecting another hallway, but instead you were in a room. Not exactly a bedroom, since you didnt spot a bed, but perhaps a sitting room? Or maybe a study room, judging from the desk in the corner. In the center of the room, there was a huge pile covered by a purple silk cloth. This couldnt possibly be a storage room, right? You walked upto the pile and pulled the cloth off it, revealing an amalgam of... fine things. There were fancy vases, some antiques, swords and a few paintings.

The paintings were stacked one upon the other, and you took a look at the first one- it was Arabic calligraphy. The background was beige with the calligraphy in beautiful black ink. And you recognised the words written. Its Ayat ul Kursi, from Surah Baqrah in Quran. The words were written so elegantly, however as you read the verse, you spotted an error. It was a minor one, but there was a dot missing from one of the letters and now it would be misspelled and the words wont make sense.

You could just walk away. You should walk away. Find a way out. This is not your mess. And this should not bother you.

"If you see something wrong, then you should do everything in your abilities to correct it. Don't be selfish, Y/n." Your brother's voice rung in your ears.

With a sigh, you walked towards the desk and picked up the the quill pen dipped in ink.

I'm only doing this because this painting may one day be passed onto the future generations. Cant have them making the same mistakes. You walked back to the painting. This is the word of Allah. I cant just ignore the mistake.

You placed the 3 foot canvas on the desk and carefully placed the dot to correct the mistake. You held your breath the entire time to prevent your hand from shaking. When you were done, you breathed and backed away.

"What are you doing?" You froze. This- this is not Baris Agha's voice. No, it- it held too much authority.

"I asked you- what are you doing?!" The voice boomed.

"I- I-"

"Turn around." You slowly did and you looked at the man in dark robes in front of you. He was neither a servant, nor a Janissaries. You looked at the fury in his grey eyes, and then your eyes travelled upto his head.

You dropped into a bow, head low.

"I- I apologise, sultan!" Of fucking course! Why wouldnt a sultan- THE SULTAN SULEIMAN, be the one to catch you in the act.

This is it. This is the day I die. He will have my head cut off-

"I asked you, what are you doing?" He asked again. "Who are you?"

"I- I was... I was fixing an error, your majesty." You gulped, head still down. "I am- I am a new servant, sultan. I- I did not know this was your room- I was- I got lost-"

"What mistake?" He cut you off. "Rise. And show me the mistake."

You slowly rose up, though you kept your eyes casted down. You turned back to the painting as he walked up next to you, and you raised your shaking hand to point the area where the ink was still wet.

"The... the dot was missing from this letter. It was spelling mistake. I... I couldnt just leave it... in good conscience." You explained in a small voice.

There was complete silence for the next few minutes. Is this the part where you should start begging him to spare your life? Or should you keep your mouth shut and hope he gives you a less painful punishment?

"Bring the next painting." He commanded without taking his eyes off the current one. You picked up the next canvas and it also had Arabic calligraphy. With his permission, you placed it on the desk as well.

"Well?" He looked at you and you stared back at his grey eyes in confusion. "Check for errors."

You looked back at the painting, another Quranic verse from Surah Rahman. And you spotted the error right away. Again a small mistake, but still if the diacritical marks are not present, then the pronunciation will be wrong.

"Here. And here as well." You pointed out with your finger. He nodded at you to fix it. This time it was much harder for you to stop your hand from shaking, but fortunately, you did.

"Now recite it." You looked at him in surprise. Recite it? You cant stop your hand from shaking with him looking at you and he expects you to recite it out loud in front of him?!

What kind of test is this? And if I mess up, will he have me killed? Oh God, he's going to kill me.

Closing your eyes to stop the tears from spilling, you began to recite Surah Rahman.

Just pretend he's not here, pretend your brother is in front of you and you're reciting Quran to him like you did as kids. Its normal, its just you and Qasim. You and your brother.

You opened your eyes when you were finished. Suleiman was looking at you... shocked.

"That was... my goodness. That was mesmerising." The sultan praised you once he overcame his shock. "And you recited it all from memory. Are you a hafidha?" (someone who has memorised the Quran)

You nodded. The sultan looked even more surprise. He's never heard of women memorising the Quran in his lifetime, and you? You look so young, just in your 20s. Did you really learn the Quran with such perfect recitation?

"How? Who was your teacher?"

"My brother." Which was true. Qasim, your older brother memorised the Quran when he was very young. Your parents sent him to the local mosque to learn and since he was blessed with eidetic memory, things werent hard for him.

You, on the other hand, were not blessed with photographic memory. You werent gifted like Qasim, and since he's always been the shining star, the all rounder, he was your competitor by nature. So while your parents didnt send you to the local mosque to memorise Quran because you're "too young", you made Qasim teach it to you.

He was more than happy to. Qasim, just like his name, was always the "generous one". The one who shares. He's the older brother, the provider. You're the younger sister, the competitive brat. Together, you two made a great duo. Qasim's recitation was far better than yours. His voice brought comfort to the soul.

Once you were able to memorise Quran, you and Qasim would often participate in those Islamic trivia and competitions which would often have some cash prize at the end. And since money was tight at home, you'd both participate and win many such prizes.

"And where's your brother?" "Dead. My family is dead." Well its not like he can go and confirm your story. "I was brought here by the Janisarries. They planned to sell me to slave traders. Then Baris Agha came and made me a servant, saying I belong to the sultan now. He gave me a mop and I was cleaning and then I found my way here..." You explained your situation further, hoping he'd take pity and let you go.

"What's your name?" The sultan asked very calmly.

"... Y/n."

"Y/n." He tested the name. "How would you like a job?"

"I- I'm not a good servant, ask Baris Agha. He'll testify-"

"Not as a maid. As a... teacher."

"Teacher?"

"Mhm. Quran teacher. Teach my daughter Mihirmah how to recite, if not memorise it as well as you, hm?"

"I-" you paused. You need to word this out carefully. "I'm honoured that you considered me for this position, your majesty, but surely, there might be someone else more suitable for this job."

He shook his head. "They're all men. I think if my daughter could have you as a role model, she might be inspired to learn."

"I... I have to go home-"

"Home? To who? You have no family." Of course, your lie backfires.

Seeing your hesitance, he sighs. "Look, you're not a slave here, Y/n. No Muslim in my empire is, so I wont force you to stay here but I think it would be safer for you. A young girl in her prime, living alone in this harsh world- you know just as well of the dangers. Today my Janissaries brought you here, and I will deal with them. But tomorrow, someone else might take advantage of the fact that you have no one to rely on."

You remained silent. He was... right. But-

"If you were to stay here and be Mihirmah's teacher, then I give you my word- no harm shall befall you. You will be under my protection."

Your time machine hasnt shown any signs of working yet, and you dont think you can stay hidden in this empire and avoid people for long, so-

"I accept."

Suleiman smiled. "Good. I think the ink is dry now. Place them back with the pile." You picked up the canvases and brought them back to his collection. As you were placing them down, you noticed the canvas on the bottom, the one you never picked up.

Your face paled.

-

"Sultana, please focus-" you were trying to get the young princess's attention, which you now realise was a feat in itself and exactly why Sultan Suleiman asked you to teach her.

"No." Mihirmah said. You took a deep breath. She has no interest in reading the Quran, how are you supposed to make her learn a few verses?

She was the Sultan's only daughter, so she was spoiled to the core. Just 19 years old, with high cheek bones, blemish free skin, her ash brown hair that shone, she was the epitome of beauty and the apple of her father's eye. You'd just love to yank her by the hair or smack her with a ruler to make her focus but you also would like to get out of here alive.

"You shouldn't use violence when it comes to Islam. It'll only drive the believers away." You heard Qasim's voice in the back of your head. "I never had to discipline you with hand to make you memorise. If I can teach you, then so can you." He had a warm smile on his face.

But I'm not you, Qasim. I dont have the patience of a saint.

"Alright, sultana." You closed the Quran with a sigh and clasped your hands. "What do you want to do?"

Mihirmah grinned, feeling victorious over you giving up so quickly. "I want you to tell my father that I gave my best in trying to learn this but you dont have the time or skill to teach me. Tell him that you think it might be best for me to take break from learning Quran so that I can regain my focus." She said as she crossed her arms over chest.

"No."

Her smile faltered. "No?"

"No." You confirmed, staring at her dead serious. "I do have the time and skill to teach you the Quran. Why should I lie about myself for your incompetency?"

Her eyes widened before narrowing. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Who do you think you're talking to?" You asked, collecting your things. "I am not your slave or servant to order around. Your father, the sultan, hired me for a job. I'm the teacher, you're the student and at this moment, I have authority over you."

You stood up and looked down at her with no expression. "I was told the young princess was fearless and as strong as her brothers. I now see they were wrong. If you dont wish to learn, then have the guts to tell your father."

As you turned around to leave, you were immediately thrown against the wall, making you bang your head against it. Enough. You're done playing nice.

Sorry Qasim, but some people need violence-

You were turned around and slammed against the wall. You were about to yell at her when you felt something sharp press against your throat.

Mihirmah's eyes were full of fury. "You do not get to talk to me that way-!" "Is that an Omani khanjar?" You looked at her silver dagger.

Mihirmah's rage was replaced by surprise. "You... you know about it?"

You scoffed, insulted. "I'd be a fool not to notice it."

She titled her head at you, an amusing glint in her eyes.

-

"Oh my- you even have the pugio! How did you get it?" You were in complete awe at Mihirmah's large collection of daggers and swords.

Mihirmah beamed. "My brother got it for me on his recent conquest. He got so much stuff in the war prize for dad, but they let me pick first. Mustafa had brought dad some antiques, gems, paintings-" your heart sank at her words.

So that painting... it was from the spoils of war?

The painting that you saw earlier when you were putting back the canvases- it was a portrait. Of you. The same portrait that Baldwin had commissioned for you. The painting that survived over 400 years, except for the lower part of your face that was smudged and faded.

Suleiman looked over your shoulder as you stared at the portrait. "Mustafa found this in a church during the war. The locals claimed that the portrait belonged to some king who lost the love of his life. Hm. Seems like he missed her too much." He explained, tracing his fingers over the smudged area of the painting, and you wondered what Baldwin had done to make the area so faded.

You were glad that you had drawn your chaddar over your head and kept your face down or else you're almost certain the sultan would've recognised the resemblance between you and the portrait. After you'd left him, you immediately decided to wear a niqaab and cover your face to prevent anyone from recognising you as the muse from the painting.

"Y/n." You were snapped out of your thoughts. Mihirmah raised a brow at you. "So... how do you know about the daggers? You dont look like... well, you know."

Should you even be surprised at how condescending she is? Mihirmah may be the sultan's only daughter, but you were also the only daughter AND the youngest child of your family.

You can be just as bitchy.

"What? Just because I'm not a princess, I cant know about daggers?" You scoffed, looking back at her collection on the table.

Mihirmah's lips quirked. "Well, how do you know then?"

My cousin took me to the forensic musuem at his medical college and I was so mesmerised by all the murder weapons there, including the daggers, that I spent an embarrassing amount of time researching about each type of blade which was interesting for me because I am a historian.

"My dad was a blacksmith." He was not. Your father was a pharmacist. "I used to watch him make different types of blades and swords. Travellers would often stop by and let him sharpen their blades, and thats how I know about different kinds of blades."

She nodded, satisfied with your explanation. "You know your blades... but do you know how to fight with them?"

"No, sultana. I am just a lowly peasant who does not have to face the troubles of warding off potential suitors and princes like you." Your voice dripped with sarcasm.

When she didnt reply, you looked up at her and saw the evil glint in her eyes.

"What?"

Her smile widened. "I have a proposal that would benefit the both of us."

You stared at her in confusion for a few moments before understanding what she meant.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No-"

-

You were flipped onto the carpeted ground with Mihirma pinning your arms with her knees, pressing the dagger against your neck.

"Anddddd you're dead." She smiled victoriously above you before getting off you and helping you up. You coughed to catch your breath and scowled at her. "I should tell the sultan about how you beat up your teacher."

Mihirmah chuckled. "I am not beating you up. I am teaching you how to fight, and dad would approve that I teach a young women how to defend herself." "But I dont want to learn how to fight." "And I dont want to learn Quran. But if I have to do that, then you can at least do this so that you know just how difficult it is for me to learn the verses."

You adjusted your veil and glared at her. "Cant you find someone else to be your sparring buddy?"

"No. I like you. You dont seem to be too afraid of me and you stand your ground." She admitted before looking at you fussing over your niqaab. "You know you can take that off around me? People dont burst into my room without knocking, so feel free to take that off."

You contemplate for a moment. It is a little hot in here, and you're sweating like a pig after that knock down.

You remove your veil, but keep the scarf over your head and take a seat. You felt her eyes on you, but you didnt look at her as you opened the Quran.

"What are you staring at?"

Mihirmah sat down beside you as you finally looked at the gleam in her eyes. "What?" You asked again.

"Nothing. I just thought you'd be... prettier."

You couldn't help the sound of disbelief that left from your lips.

This cun-

"Well, I'm so sorry sultana that you had to witness the ugliness of my face with your precious eyes that are only worthy of seeing pretty things. My sultana, just say the word and I'd sew pearls into my skin for your pleasure, or I could always just-" you pick up your veil to cover your face again, but Mihirmah's hand caught your wrist and she was giggling.

"You're easy to tick off." She chuckled. "I was only kidding. You look... alright."

You feigned a smile. "Well, how will I ever repay that priceless compliment?" You rolled your eyes as she laughed again.

"Now that we're done with your entertainment, lets start our lesson for today."

-

Its been a week since you arrived in Topkapi palace. You had been given a room in the harem with the concubines because- well they didnt have quarters for religion teachers, so here you were.

The room was small but adequate for you. Nothing fancy but you're grateful for that. Dont want these concubines seeing you as a threat or something.

You groaned as the servant kneaded your shoulders. You were currently getting a massage from a girl you had befriended. Your muscles were sore from the all the times Mihirmah had flipped you over or slammed you against the wall. You were sure you were gonna have numerous bruises by the time she memorised one surah.

Your deep tissue massage was interrupted by Baris Agha bursting through your door. He shot you a glare before pushing the girl away from you.

"If your majesty is done with her rub down, would you care to grace us with your mighty presence?" He mocked. You opened your eyes and sighed.

"Hello to you too, Baris Agha." You sat up. "What do you want?"

"The sultana has demanded your presence."

"I already gave the sultana her lesson today." You mumbled before going to lie back down but Baris Agha grabbed your shoulder painfully to haul you up.

"That was Mihirmah sultana. Your presence is required by her mother, Hurrem sultana!" He gritted out.

Hurrem sultana? "Why?" You asked, fixing your niqaab over your face.

"Why? Why? Who do you think you're to be asking questions? Make haste!" He yelled at you before pushing you out of the room.

You followed behind him as he told you how to courtesy in front of her and not to do this or that, but you were focused on why you'd been called by the sultana? And that too, at dinner time? Wouldnt she be busy with her family?

Finally, you reached her chambers. Baris Agha entered first and you followed closely behind him, falling into a deep courtesy right after him.

"My Sultana, this is Hatun (lady) Y/n, Mihirmah's sultana's teacher." Baris Agha introduced you.

"Rise." You heard her say and you dared to peek at her and your breath was caught.

If Mihirmah was the epitome of beauty, then Hurrem sultana was something entirely out of this world. Red hair that sat in a intricate bun atop with a crown, milky white skin that had no marks, and those radiant green eyes that shone just as bright as the iconic emerald ring on her finger.

If you didnt know the dates, you wouldnt have guessed her to be a day over 40. But she was well in her 50s, and Allah... were you envious of Turkish beauty.

Truly, this was not a place for an insecure person to be around. You probably did stick out like a sore thumb among the bewitching beauties.

Baris Agha elbowed you to make you avert your gaze, and thats when you spotted Mihirmah sitting beside her looking sheepish.

"So, you've been the one who Mihirmah has been spending so much time with?" She looked at you pointedly.

So much time?

You looked at Mihirmah who was avoiding your gaze. You looked back at the sultana. "Well? Tell me how much my daughter has learned?"

How much? She hasnt been able to memorise a single surah.

You cleared your throat and spoke carefully. "Sultana, its a gradual process-"

"Surely, she must've memorised something? After all, thats why she's been refusing to spend time embroidering or looking at her proposals."

"Mom-" Mihirmah tried but was silenced by a look from her mother.

Hurrem looked back at you. "So, Hatun Y/n, do you have something to say? Or has my daughter been lying to me about spending time with you?"

You looked at Mihirmah who was looking at you with pleading eyes and you connected the dots. Mihirmah has lied to her mother about spending her time with you, and now wants you to lie for her as well.

If you do, Mihirmah might be safe but you risk getting caught. If you dont lie, Mihirmah gets in trouble, but so will you. And not just at Mihirmah's hands, because she will hurt you for snitching, but you suspect that she will twist more lies and lead you into more trouble with both her mother and father.

What to do?

"Mihirmah sultana is... a good student. The best one I've had so far." Well, you werent lying. She was your first student so technically she had no competition. "Everyone has a different pace of learning, my sultana. But its not about how fast you learn, its how much you learn. I'd prefer to take years to learn the surahs over not understanding the meaning behind them, the lessons hidden in them."

Yes, this is a safe answer. "Mihirmah sultana has shown great interest in reading the Quran. She listens very attentively to the translations." After bribing her with duels.

"I have no doubt that she will one day be a good Quran student. As long as she never stops reading it, maintains her connection with the Holy Book and Allah. The process of learning never ends."

Hurrem's calculated eyes read you. She gave a single nod. "Very well, Hatun Y/n. If you say so." Ah finally. Disaster avoided, and now Mihirmah owes me for lying-

"Mihirmah, you will recite the surah Hatun Y/n taught you tomorrow at dinner. Your father and I will be very pleased with your progress." Hurrem stated, making both your and Mihirmah's eyes widen because her mother knows her daughter well. She knows Mihirmah is not prepared and challenged her like this so that she can get rid of you as well, allowing the queen to focus on finding a suitable proposal for her daughter.

"Mother-"

"Mihirmah, go and sleep now. I dont think you need to prepare anymore for tomorrow, as you have told me just how great of teacher Hatun Y/n is." Hurrem smiled cunningly. Of course, she'd lay traps for her own daughter if it meant she could prove a point.

You and Mihirmah left the sultana's chambers together before walking to the princess's chambers.

"Thank you, Y/n for saving me!" Mihirmah said as soon as you two entered her room. She turned around to look at you, only to find you out on her balcony.

"Y/n? What are you doing there?" She walked up behind you.

You looked over your shoulder. "Hm? Oh, I'm just thinking if I should jump to my death from here or ask Baris Agha to get me poison. What do you suggest?"

"Y/n!" She pulled you away from the balcony. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? Whats wrong with you?!" You yanked your arm out of her grip. "Why did you lie to Hurrem sultana that you've been spending day and night studying with me when you damn well know that you have the attention span of a fish?!"

Mihirmah pouted. "Well, I had to come up with an excuse as to why I didnt want to do needle work or look at suitors... how was I supposed to know she'd bring you in for questioning?"

Narrowing your eyes at her, you gritted out. "You should've just told her that you'd rather spend the time beating up servants and throwing knives at pillows for target practise!"

She crossed her arms and huffed. "What, are you mad at me?"

You chuckled humourlessly. "Oh no. No no- how dare I? Why would I be mad at you for being the reason your parents will send me to the gallows? Or would they rather chop off my head?"

She shook her head. "No, I wont.... I wont let them do that." Mihirmah sighed. "I'll tell them the truth tomorrow, come clean."

"Oh great. So then you'll be safe from trouble but I'll still be dead because I LIED to the sultana! Thanks a lot!" You exclaimed.

"Well, then what do you suggest we do?!" Mihirmah was getting short tempered now.

You dragged your hands over your cheeks before heaving a sigh. "The only thing we can do. Make you memorise a surah." You held up a hand before Mihirmah could speak. "I'm not kidding. And... I have a plan. Just... you'll need to stay awake the entire night."

-

"Mihirmah- Mihirmah, wake up." You nudge the sleeping princess, awake. Its been 7 hours into your all nighter and Mihirmah's been asleep for 2 of them. You heard her groan from her position, head resting on the table.

"Mihirmah!" You called her harshly, shaking her shoulder. She smacked your hand away and continued to rest.

Thats it, I'm going to yank your hair-

The door opened making you turn. A young man was standing there, his eyes landing on Mihirmah and then at you.

"Mihirmah?" He called her name gently, but the girl who you'd been expecting to be dead asleep suddenly jumped up at his voice.

"Mehmed?!" Her eyes sparkled before getting up and jumping into his arms, just as you turned your head away and picked up your veil to wear.

Sehzade (prince) Mehmed, second son of Sultan Suleiman, first son of Hurrem. The 24 year old prince hugged his sister and spun her around, the two siblings laughing. Though you already know of his fate- the prince will die young. He will not inherit the throne.

"When did you come back from Manisa?!" Mihirmah asked him.

He pecked her forehead. "Just now. I made my way straight here and I was expecting you to be asleep, but.... what exactly is it that you're doing?" Mehmed asked, and Mihirmah followed his gaze to you.

"Ah. This is Y/n, she's my Quran teacher. I have to memorise a surah and recite it at dinner." She explained.

He raised a brow. "Since when did you have such an interest? Let me guess- father?" She scrunched her nose and nodded. "Forget about that, tell me about your adventures! Come on-" You cleared your throat loudly, making both siblings look at you.

"What?" Mihirmah asked.

"Sultana, we still have to prepare for tonight." You said as gently as you could without popping a vessel in your head.

Mihirmah waved you off. "No need! I've already memorised the surah! I'm all prepared-"

"Sultana." You cut her off. "Memorising is one thing... reciting it properly is another. Your parents will be expecting perfection which-with all due respect, you are nowhere near it."

There was deafening silence in the room as you and Mihirmah stared each other down, neither woman backing away.

"Y/n, I said I'm done for tonight. That means, I. Am. Done." Mihirmah emphasised.

"I'm the teacher and I took responsibility over this matter in front of the Sultan and Sultana. I decide when you. Are. Done." You replied back in the same tone, hands folded in front of you.

I am not letting a spoiled brat ruin my life.

Mehmed looked at the two of you, confusion clouding his mind. Mihirmah doesnt let anyone talk to her this way and get away with it. Usually by now, you wouldve been thrown into the dungeons for torture. He knows his sister and her crazy tendencies, so he doesnt understand why she's putting up with this.

There is something deeper going on here.

"Both of you, stand down." You both broke off the intense stare off and looked at Mehmed. Clasping Mihirmah's hand, he pulled her to the ottomans and sat down beside her, gesturing you to sit down on the floor pillow.

"Now, tell me what is going on?"

After explaining the mess Mihirmah had dragged you two in, Mehmed hummed.

"Mihirmah." He looked at his sister. "It doesnt matter if Y/n told the truth or the lie to mom, she'd be in trouble either way. But there is only one way you wont be in trouble, and that is to pass this test. Prove mom wrong. You can do it- hey, look at me." He cupped Mihirmah's cheeks. "I know you can do it. And to show you my support, I will stay by your side the entire time. Now, lets practice, hm?"

-

You and Mehmed left Mihirmah's room at 8 in the morning, letting her to catch some shut eye.

You mutely yawned under your niqaab, though your back wasnt as silent when you cracked it. You heard Mehmed chuckle behind you, and you quickly composed yourself.

"My sister wore you out, huh?" He had a tired smile on his lips, eyes drooping but still a glint of amusement.

"Of course not, sehzade." You noticed the small cut on the outer end of his left brow. He had ash brown hair, similar to Mihirmah's. If you didnt know better, you'd think the two were twins with how much they resembled. Thick lips, strong nose, high cheek bones.

"You shouldn't lie to a prince, you know?" He rubbed his eyes. "Mihirmah... she is a little-" Annoying? Bitchy? Selfish? "-headstrong, but she's always been this way. Dont take it to heart. She is a good person, you just need to be patient with her."

You stayed quiet as he spoke. What could you really say? Ah no, your sister is actually just a spoiled brat and needs a kicking down?

"Mihirmah likes you, Y/n. It is a lot to ask but... I would appreciate it if you would continue to have her back."

"As you wish, sehzade."

Mehmet gave you one last smile before leaving. "Get some sleep, Y/n."

You turned around and started making your way back towards the harem to your chambers, your mind occupied by the thoughts of the painting Baldwin had made.

I need to destroy it. You decided. If it has survived 400 years, it might survive another 400, and I dont want to take the risk of it appearing in a museum one day.

You're walking down the hall, trying to remember which room it was you had found the paintings in when suddenly you're yanked to a corner.

"hey-!"You're silenced by a hand covering your mouth. A woman was holding you.

"Shh. Its fine. I just want to talk." She pulled her hand away, making you take a huge gulp of air. "What? You cant say hello like a normal person?" You spat at her. She narrowed her eyes at you. "Watch your tone. I'm Gul, the sultana's lady-in-waiting." Or just personal servant. You thought. Wait, sultana?

"Hurrem sultana-" "No, Mahidevran sultana, the first wife of Sultan Suleiman and the one you should always obey and respect. Now come along, she wishes to talk to you." She began pulling you down the corridor.

"Talk to me about what?" She didnt answer you.

Mahidevran sultana, the first wife of the sultan who eventually fells out of his favour when Hurrem arrives. She was able to give birth to one son- sehzade Mustafa, the eldest heir of the sultan, who will also not inherit the throne and will be executed on the orders of his father.

You can only guess how protective Mahidevran would be of both her son and the throne, seeing as she only has one child compared to Hurrem sultana's five, four of which are male heirs. And she has every reason to be threatened too because Hurrem has done what has never been done before.

Hurrem sultana was a non muslim woman captured from Crimea, sold as a slave in Constantinople, became a concubine in the harem and slowly rose to the ranks to be Suleiman's favourite, and later, become his legal wife. She bore majority of his sons, and broke the traditional rule of. "one imperial concubine - one son", was beaten up by Mahidevran which angered Suleiman, earned the title of Haseki Sultana (which means "favourite") and it shocked everyone because never before was a slave elevated to the level of becoming the legal wife of the sultan.

Hurrem sultana was force to be reckoned with. And as history shows, Hurrem would be the victorious one.

Finally reaching the sultana's chambers, you were pushed in by Gul. You immeadiately fell into a courtesy, not wanting to anger the sultana.

"So... who exactly are you?" You looked up, brows knitting in confusion at her question. Mahidevran was sitting on her ottoman, her face expressionless as she stared you down. She was beautiful, her features sharp and slim, collar bones prominent along with her long neck, she looked like a supermodel. But... Hurrem was prettier.

"I- I'm Y/n." You answered her, but she didnt look satisfied. "What is your relation with Hurrem? Are you sleeping with her son, Mehmed?"

"I- I beg your pardon?" You stammered. She stood up and strode to you, making you back up.

"Do not lie to me, girl. My servants saw you entering Hurrem's chambers yesterday, and leaving with Mehmed today."

"Its not what it looks like, sultana." You shook your head. "I am not a concubine and I am not sleeping with anyone! Sultan Suleiman hired me to teach Mihirmah sultana Quran."

"That doesnt explain why you were with Hurrem or Mehmed."

"Hurrem sultana wanted to know how far her daughter has progressed in her lessons and asked Mihirmah to recite a surah at dinner to prove that she's been studying. Sehzade Mehmed and I were with Mihirmah sultana all night helping her prepare for tonight." You explained the situation and Mahidevran stared at you with no expression. For a moment, you thought she didnt believe you but then her lips quirked up.

"Dinner, you say?" You gave a hesitant nod. "Very well, off you go."

As soon as you were out of the room, you leaned against the wall and placed a hand over your chest, feeling your rapidly beating heart. Mahidevran may not be as pretty as Hurrem, but she was definitely scarier. You really did think she was going to torture you.

Weakly, you began walking again. You want to go back to your room and sleep off the headache that was forming, but you still have the stupid portrait to destroy.

Where the hell was that stupid room?

After an hour or so of roaming around and avoiding Baris Agha because you dont have it in you to put up with insults, you finally found the room. You softly knocked on the door first, checking if the sultan or someone else was in the room. When no one answered, you slowly opened the door and looked around. No one was there.

You walked inside and spotted the pile still there, and when you removed the silk off it, everything was still there- untouched, including your portrait.

"What are you doing?"

Second time. You've been caught in here for the second time.

Baldwin has to have cast a curse on you. There is no other explanation for such badluck.

You turned around, praying it was Baris Agha or anyone else, just not the sultan.

As soon as you spotted the royal turban, you could hear Baldwin laughing in the back of your head.

You bowed. "Sehazade- I-"

He looked older than Mehmed, so your best guess was that this was Mustafa.

"I asked, what you were doing with my war loot?" So, it is Mustafa. Mihirmah did say he went on a conquest recently.

"I was-" you cleared your throat. "I was merely admiring the calligraphy."

He tilted his head to look behind you. "There's no calligraphy on the portrait."

"I was admiring... the portrait."

"Were you planning on stealing it?"

"What? No." You peered at him through your niqaab. "It would not be the brightest idea to steal a large canvas and walk through the palace that is littered with guards."

He hummed. "You could go out the window."

"And ruin the painting or risk breaking my legs?"

"Huh. So what do you think would be the best way to steal this painting?" What kind of trick question is this?

"Not that I am stealing it, but if I were to- I'd most likely remove it from the canvas and roll it up, tuck it under my dress or hide it somewhere else and then leave with it. Or maybe pass it to another person, to make myself less suspicious."

"For someone who claims they're not stealing it, that does sound like you put a lot of thought in it." Mustafa admitted.

You frowned. "I was just pointing out the obvious. As I said, I am not a thief!"

"Then who are you?"

"I'm Y/n, Mihirmah sultana's Quran teacher-" He chuckled. "Sure, that's believable."

"Its true."

"You expect me to believe Mihirmah, my little sister who would much rather spend her days skinning someone, is learning Quran?" He smiled, making dimples appear on his cheeks.

"Its not by choice. Sultan Suleiman hired me." He stopped smiling.

"The Sultan... hired you?" Mustafa asked. What- why would his father hire you? You're just a young girl, almost the same age as Mihirmah.

"You can ask him if you dont believe me." You were tired of being insulted. What, does he think you're not smart enough to teach someone? Or just plain ole ugly?

"I-"

"Y/n! Ugh! There you are!" Baris Agha voice cut through, and as soon as he spotted Mustafa, he bowed, but you saw the momentary glance of confusion of why you were with him.

"Sehzade." Baris greeted him. Mustafa acknowledged him with a single nod. "Please excuse me, but I must take Hatun Y/n. Mihirmah sultana has demanded her presence."

Mustafa nodded again, letting Baris Agha drag you out by the arm. He looked at you trying to free your arm from his painful grip while Baris chewed your ear out. Mustafa shook his head before turning around to look at the portrait you were "admiring".

It is... something.

-

By dinner time, your head was pounding to the point you thought someone was hammering a nail in your head. Instead of spending the rest of the day catching some sleep, Mihirmah had demanded you help her dress "modestly" for her Quran recitation tonight. She wanted a look that really captured her "angelic and spirutal" personality.

You were sure your eyes were blood shot, from the lack of sleep. You didnt eat anything since yesterday, because you were almost constantly with royalty and God forbid you ate with them. No, they're "superior" and you dont deserve to eat or take care of yourself unless they allow you to.

"How do I look?" Mihirmah asked you. You were standing outside the royal dining room, where she would first go and have dinner with her family before showing what she's learnt so far.

"Like you just returned from Hajj pilgrimage." You rolled your eyes. She shot you a glare. "You look fine, Mihirmah. Just... stay calm and remember what I've taught you. You got this." She nodded before entering the room where her family awaited her.

You leaned against the wall and sighed, about to close your eyes to take a power nap when Baris Agha nudged you.

"Wake up! Sultana and sehzade are here." He whispered harshly, just as you spotted Mahidevran and Mustafa walking down the hall. You and Baris bowed with the guards.

"Sultana. Sehzade." Baris greeted them sweetly. "The dining hall is currently occupied. Sultan Suleiman is having dinner with his family."

"And what are we, Baris?" Mahidevran snapped, making Baris's courteous smile falter. "I am his first wife, Mustafa- his first son. We have more right to be here than Hurrem and her kids."

"Sultana-" Baris tried to persuade her but she beat him to it by walking past and knocking on the door.

"Enter!" Suleiman called from inside. The servants opened the door, allowing Mahidevran and Mustafa inside.

They bowed to Suleiman. "I hope we're not interrupting, sultan. We just heard that our dear Mihirmah would be reading Quran today and I just couldnt stop myself from coming. I just want to witness our little Mihirmah becoming so connected with her religion, perhaps even inspire me." She smiled widely, placing a hand on Mustafa's back. "I brought her elder brother to show our support. May we join you, sultan?"

Suleiman stared at them before nodding. "Of course, Mahidevran. We're all family here."

Mahidevran couldnt help the smirk that formed on her lips as she saw the pissed off look on Hurrem's face and the alarmed one Mihirmah's. While Hurrem did hope to teach a lesson to her daughter to not lie to her, she wouldnt want to do it by embarrassing her in front of Mahidevran.

The doors closed and their dinner began. You leaned against the wall again to rest your eyes but of course, Baris Agha had to mutter incoherently about the whole situation.

"Allah! Allah! What are we going to do? This might as well be the start of another war inside! Hurrem sultana and Mahidevran sultana head-to-head again-" He elbowed you hard, making you yelp. "Did you tell Mahidevran to come here?! I swear, I will yank your tongue out and strangle you with it."

"Baris Agha, at this rate, I'll be the one to strangle you if you touch me one more time." You threatened, shoving him away roughly.

"You little-" The doors opened again, a servant walked out.

"Hatun Y/n. Sultan has summoned you."

You walked inside, courtesying to the royal family.

Suleiman had this gentle look in his eyes. "Ah. This is Y/n, the teacher I hired for Mihirmah." He introduced you to his family, unbeknownst to him they'd already met you. He looked at you. "I wanted you to be here as Mihirmah recited for us."

"I'm honoured, sultan." You said softly, eyes to the ground as Mihirmah stood up and walked to the center of the room.

Suleiman gave her a nod to start.

Mihirmah took a deep breath in, closed her eyes and started reciting.

إِنَّآ أَعْطَيْنَـٰكَ ٱلْكَوْثَرَ "

فَصَلِّ لِرَبِّكَ وَٱنْحَرْ

"إِنَّ شَانِئَكَ هُوَ ٱلْأَبْتَرُ

15 seconds. Thats all it took for Mihirmah to recite the shortest surah in the Quran, with almost perfect qirat. The surah that usually took 10 minutes for children to learn, took Mihirmah all night to memorise with near-perfect pronunciation. Sure, this was not what anyone was expecting, especially not Hurrem when she challenged you and Mihirmah, but the deal was to recite a surah from Quran, by memory. It just so happened to be the shortest one, the easiest one. You won fair and square.

"MashAllah, Mihirmah. That was beautiful. I am so proud of you." Suleiman beamed, his eyes shining with pride. Mihirmah grinned, running to kiss her father's cheeks.

"Yes, Mihirmah. That was... nice." Hurrem feigned a smile, just happy that she wasnt embarrassed in front of Mahidevran.

"Thank you, mom. I guess I just had a really good teacher." Mihirmah shot you a grateful look, making everyone in the room look at you. Your face flushed, and you were grateful for the niqaab to hide your face.

"Oh- um, you're just a keen learner, sultana." You said softly.

Mahidevran lips quirked up, and Hurrem saw the evil glint in her eyes. "Oh Mihirmah, you read so wonderfully. Your voice- ah! It just moved me. Please, Mihirmah- would you be kind enough to recite for me again? I'm sure your father would love to hear you as well."

Mihirmah's brows furrowed slightly. "I- of course, sultana." She closed her eyes and was about to recite the same surah again when Mahidevran's voice stopped her.

"Oh no, Mihirmah. I was hoping to hear something else."

Mihirmah's face fell. "But this is what I've memorised-"

"That's quiet alright, sweetie. You can always read it from the Quran. This isnt a test!" She chuckled. "I'm sure your teacher has taught you the basics! Here, I even brought the Quran with me." She handed Mihirmah the Holy book.

So this is how she planned to embarrass Mihirmah. She knew the young girl was neither interested nor good at learning Quran, so now when Mihirmah would stammer upon her words, then Suleiman and Hurrem will be ashamed that their Muslim daughter, at the age of 19, cannot even recite properly. Hopefully, this might even cause the couple to fight and Mihirmah to fall from the graces of her father's eyes.

Nervously, Mihirmah slowly opened the book, turning to the first page. She cleared her throat, as it'd help.

It didnt.

Mihirmah stammered and stumbled over her words many times, to the point that the first surah that should've taken less than a minute to recite, ended up taking way longer than anyone would like to admit.

As Mihirmah finished reading, you could see the tears welling up in her eyes and redness in her cheeks. She was utterly embarrassed, she felt she had let her parents down.

"Oh Mihirmah~" Mahidevran cooed. "That was.... not good at all, darling."

"I-" Mihirmah tried to muster up an excuse but the sultana did not care.

"I mean- you were just a disaster! Stuttering and making so many mistakes, and that too with the book open!"

"Mahidevran, enough." Hurrem warned.

Mahidevran narrowed her eyes at her. "What? Oh Hurrem, I am not trying to embarrass Mihirmah! In fact, I think she's not at fault. Well, not completely. I suppose she just doesnt have a good teacher."

Everyone was now looking at you.

Is this how everything ends up becoming your fault and you're the one who gets punished?

Fuck. This.

"Excuse me?" You couldnt help the irritation seep in your voice.

Mahidevran raised a brow at you. "Am I wrong? You were supposed to be the one responsible for teaching our princess Quran. And yet, she just made a fool out of herself. You tried to fool us by making Mihirmah learn the shortest surah, but look at her now- barely able to read from the book!"

Your eyes widened. Is she for real?

"I think you're wrong, sultana." Everyone looked at you as you stated boldly. "Yes, Mihirmah sultana did stammer and made mistakes as she read but I think thats much more valuable." You sighed. "Mihirmah sultana had to make twice the effort to read the Quran than one usually would, but she will also get twice the reward from Allah for her efforts. She knew she wont read well, she knows she's just a beginner at this stage, but she didnt let it stop her. And Allah will reward her for that, He knows what was in her heart, her intentions, despite what anyone has to say about her skills."

"And as for "trying to fool" anyone here- "You looked her dead in the eye. "I find that accusation insulting to the very core. You say that I made Mihirmah sultana memorise the shortest surah in the Quran. I did. Surah Kawthar is indeed the shortest surah, but does that mean it is less important? Not worthy to be read, or be in the Holy Book altogether?"

Mahidevran was frowning as you looked at her. "Do you claim to know better than Allah as to what should or shouldn't be in His divine book? Surah Kawthar may be the shortest surah in the Quran but it is one that I find deep comfort in. As the surah translates-

Indeed, We have granted you ˹O Prophet˺ abundant goodness.

So pray and sacrifice to your Lord ˹alone˺

Only the one who hates you is truly cut off ˹from any goodness˺.

And what does this tell us? The background of these verses is that when our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) lost his son, his enemies, the non believers would make fun of him that "Islam will end now because Muhammad had no male heir to continue to grow the religion, to spread the word of Allah." But Allah wouldn't abandon his beloved prophet, even when he was depressed.

This Surah was sent down when the nonbelievers of Makkah taunted the Holy Prophet (PBUH) because he had lost all his male issues, and called him 'abtar' or insulted him for some other reason. The present Surah gives an answer to the taunts of the nonbelievers, and maintains that there is no justification for calling the Holy Prophet (PBUH) an 'abtar' only because he had no male child alive, not only because his lineal offspring will remain till the Day of Judgment, though from his daughters, but he was destined to be the spiritual father of a multitude of sons in all ages to the end of time, sons who were to be far more faithful, obedient and loving than the sons of any father, and they will outnumber the followers of all the Prophets that came before him. The Surah has also highlights the great honor and respect given to him by Allah.

I also like to think that the reason why this Surah was included in the Quran was so that Muslims in general would also be comforted by the word of Allah. That all the Muslims, even if they were not from Prophet Muhammad's direct lineage, we are his ummah and so we will also enjoy the river Kawthar.

Kawthar refers to a river in paradise, which translates "a river that contains abundant goodness" and we will enjoy the greatest honour and respect, as our Prophet Muhammad's ummah."

You took a deep breath. "So, Mahidevran sultana... do you still accuse me of fooling anyone?"

The room was dead silent. You may have indirectly insulted Mahidevran and broken so many rules, but everything you said was true. It was clear. You were smart and educated, Suleiman had no doubt about it when he first met you. And now, he was only more reassured of his decision to make you Mihirmah's teacher.

"Very well said, Y/n." Suleiman broke the silence. Standing up, he walked over to Mihirmah, holding her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her forehead, comforting his daughter.

"I am very proud of you, Mihirmah. I can see the hardwork you did." He hugged her again, pressing another kiss to her forehead as she sniffled softly. "I knew you'd do well, so I brought a gift for you."

Mihirmah watched as a servant brought a wooden box lined with velvet and gems. Opening it, she gasped softly.

It was a gold bracelet with rubies and emeralds, lined in an intricate pattern.

Hurrem smiled as Suleiman put the bracelet around his daughter's wrist, before bringing her hand to his lips and pecking it.

He was a proud father.

"And Y/n-" You stiffened. Suleiman turned towards you, his body towering over you. "You did a fine job at not only teaching Mihirmah, but also helping us understand the significance of Surah Kawther."

A servant brought box, similar to Mihirmah's. Opening it, you saw a bracelet, identical to Mihirmah's.

"This is for you." Suleiman smiled as he placed the bracelet around your trembling hand.

"I- sultan-" you tried to return it but Suleiman silenced you.

"I crafted this with my own hands. It'll be rude of you to refuse." Your eyes widened at his serious tone and you immediately bowed your head.

"T-thank you, sultan." He hummed, returning to his seat while Mihirmah hugged you, giggling.

Dinner continued on as Mihirmah and her siblings began chattering once you left, but something had disturbed both Hurrem and Mahidevran.

-

"What happened inside? Catfight?" Baris Agha, the gossiper asked as you stumbled out of the room. His eyes fell on the bracelet and he snatched your hand. "Allah! Allah! Did you steal this?! I will have you-"

"Sultan Suleiman gifted it to me." Baris dropped your hand.

"S-sultan? Sultan's gift?" He whispered to himself in disbelief, but you were already walking away. You were tired, your headache had now turned into a migraine and your energy levels had dropped. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and at this point, you dont care if you wake up or not.

But sleep is for the fortunate ones. For you, Baris Agha was written.

"Y/n! You- stop! Listen!" He ran up behind you, pulling your shoulder to make you stop. "You- Sultan Suleiman gifted you the bracelet?! Do you know what this means?"

You heaved a sigh, your vision getting blurry. "Baris, just- just shut up. I need to... sleep." You turned around and started walking, not realising just how blurry your vision was, or how you were leaning against the wall for support.

All you saw was blurry figure standing in front of you, before you lost your footing. The figure caught you, and you heard Baris yell your name before losing consciousness.

-

Hurrem was in Suleiman's chambers. She was going to spend the night here, it seemed. Suleiman had summoned her himself tonight.

Suleiman walked inside, and when he spotted his wife, he smiled. Hurrem returned the smile, walking upto him and kissing him.

"Suleiman..." She whispered against his lips. "You summoned me?"

"I did." He lead her to the bed, sitting down. "What do you think of Y/n?"

She tilted her head. Y/n? "I suppose she is a good teacher. Smart. Well educated, at least religion wise."

He let out a hum. "What else?"

"What else, Suleiman? I dont know her." Suleiman chuckled, making her even more confused. Why are you being brought up right now?

"Well, try getting to know her better." "Why?"

Suleiman shrugged. "You'll know in due time."

Hurrem couldnt put her mind at peace the rest of the night. Why was Suleiman curious about you? He couldnt possibly want you- no. No. She saw him with you. He practically looked at you the same way he looked at Mihirmah. Thats why he gave you both the same bracelets-

Oh no.

-

You woke up when you felt something cool on your forehead. Opening your eyes, a wet rag blocked your vision. You pushed the rag away, accidentally touching the hand that was holding the rag there.

A man was sitting on your bedside. He had honey-coloured eyes, short, well kept dark brown hair and tanned skin.

"You can let go of my hand, Hatun Y/n." He grinned.

Your face turned red as you dropped his hand. "I- sorry."

"No worries. You're just disoriented from earlier. Exhaustion, the physicians say." He chuckled, standing up and you noticed Baris standing in the corner now. "You will need to get used to working long hours, especially now." Baris raised his brows at you as he said that, making the man laugh again.

"I will take my leave now. Take care, Hatun Y/n. And let me know if she needs anything, Baris."

"Of course, Ibrahim pasha." He bid farewell to the vizir.

The man said before leaving. Baris immediately rushed to you, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"Who would've guessed- the preacher to be the tempteress?"

"Excuse me?" You glared at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Baris waved you off. "Well, be flattered! I mean- you're going to be married to a sehzade soon-"

"Woah woah! What are you talking about?"

Baris stared at you. "Oh, you really dont know, do you?" You looked even more puzzled. Baris grabbed your wrist, showing you the bracelet. "This is made by sultan Suleiman. The sultan only gives handmade gifts to family and close relatives. And since I've been here since the sultan married the first sultana, I know you're not his secret love child, which means..." he waited for you to catch on, but giving up when you took too long.

"Y/n, if you're not related to him blood, then you will become related to him by becoming a part of his family. Which will be by you becoming his daughter-in-law!" He exclaimed.

Your face paled. No, no!

"Close your mouth, you'll catch flies, darling." Baris tapped your chin. "And I suggest you hide your bracelet for a while. Dont want the concubines to get jealous, hm?"

So?? Thoughts??? Who do you think will be the yanderes? What do you think will happen next???

PART 9 is here!

[fatmaclover]

theres something to be said about how mac still holds such a childish adoration for his parents after such a long time. how literally its shown to us by the fact that

mac always slicked his hair back as a child, when he still had contact with his father

he stops doing this into adulthood, but later in life, once mac interacts with his father again, he starts slicking his hair back again

he doesnt stop. slicking his hair back. until his own father walks out during his coming out performance. the guy he put it on for. only after that does he completely stop styling his hair that way

not to mention the constant refusal that his mom (and dad) could be anything but perfect, the way hes so desperate to do good by them, viewing them as the way to measure his success...

and. yeah thats. something.

the internal denial that his parents treated him poorly, the fact that its his primary instinct to deny that his parents suck, the constant dismissal of his own issues relating to family because his whole life hes been told that "other people have it worse". the way hes internalized that so hard. the way it takes his dad walking out on macs coming out performance to him for mac to stop blindly idolizing some guy whos threatened to kill him

the constant fear of his own father, while also believing him to be the coolest bestest guy ever. the way he always assumes his father is gonna get violent when actually talking to him, but sings nothing but praises when away from him

the fact that he still calls his dad "daddy" even.

i mean you cant really blame him for not fully growing up in some areas huh

its not even that i think he doesnt know that his parents treat him horribly, it just really seems like he wants so badly to believe thats not the case from years of having his cries for help ignored or made fun of. he cant have been treated poorly, because charlie was treated poorly, and his baggage isnt nearly as bad as charlies, so clearly macs home life wasnt bad.

i think thats proven most of all by his frustration with his own family at times, it really feels like theres some underlying issues. they can very quickly manifest as frustration and anger, but honestly its probably mostly sadness. the way he reacts to his own mother really reminds me of how i interact with family members i have grudges with but have to pretend i dont. im not actually angry at any of these people, im mostly just exhausted by them.

he very clearly is still aware of the neglect he faced as a kid, to me. he knows his home life was severely fucked up, hes just never been able to express that, so hes coped by just. pretending that it didnt happen.

and realistically i dont know if he could ever properly acknowledge that his home life was fucked and his parents suck. maybe hed acknowledge that his dad sucks now, but it wouldnt have been that bad when he was a kid and wasnt a fag. right? he was loved then. his mom still did a great job raising him, and he really loves her, and he was raised with all the love and care a child needs.

[sacredthethreadgvf]

Limelight | Jake Kiszka x Reader | Part 2.

Word Count: 20.3k

Chapter warnings: SMUT!! Dirty talk, unprotected p in v. Talks of poor mental health that could be triggering. Mentions of family issues and trauma in childhood linked to parents not being available for their children or discouraging them.

A/N: Hey everyone..I am so sorry this chapter took me so freaking long to write out for you. My mental health has taken a turn for the worst over the last couple of months and the burnout as a result has been unmanageable. This story means so much to me and I am so happy that I can finally share part 2 with you. This is lightly edited so my apologies. This chapter can be quite triggering so if I have missed anything, or if there is anything that personally is triggering to you as a reader that I did not heed in my warnings pleaseee send me a message so I can add it to my list. 

Lastly, I have to give the biggest shout out to @joshym who has spent hours with me on FaceTime, been bombarded with texts and vm’s about ideas for this chapter and has encouraged me to continue writing even when I wanted to give up. This story wouldnt be where it was without her support. Alright Ill shut up now, enjoy…

****

September 3rd. 

STARCATCHER

St. Paul, MN.

Getting back into your routine after a short break was easier than you had originally anticipated. You had actually missed life on the bus to an extent. The chaos that seemed to surround the boys and a different venue or city every day held a sort of excitement you couldn’t seem to get in any other aspect of your life at the moment. 

A true taste of the limelight, if you will.

“On the road again! I can't wait to get on the road again!” Josh's boisterous singing and snapping of fingers carried through the white labyrinth hallways of St. Paul's Xcel Energy Center as he sang into the mic for soundcheck.   

The energy surrounding the boys and the team seemed to be back on top of the world after a much needed break. There was almost an electric energy surrounding the venue and it was infectious. You had spent the day running around the city with a few members of the team grabbing last minute snacks, lunches, dinners, and drinks. It had been a busy afternoon and you finally made it back to the venue in time to hear a little bit of the boys soundcheck. 

Following the sound of Josh singing through the white halls you couldn't help but smile to yourself at how good he sounded, his voice carrying effortlessly. You finally paused at the main entrance from the hallway to the stage and stood against the wall, your smile grew. To be honest, you couldn't contain your smile when it came to Jake anymore. The thought of what happened a few weeks ago plaguing your mind. Whatever it was with him felt like the thrill of your life at the moment. You paused and watched his fingers move along the frets, watching closely as he tweaked this string and that, and signaling to his tech to adjust the volume of his guitar.

He looked even better than he had before the break. He had a refreshed look on his face. His energy seemed to be at an all time high as you watched him throw a guitar pick at Sam, narrowly missing his head while Josh continued to belt without sound from the instruments surrounding him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jake in person since that night at the impromptu office party and you two had your heated moment together. You could still feel the burning of his fingertips on your legs and you hated to admit it but you spent almost every night since then imagining what could have transpired if you hadn’t been interrupted. 

You had wanted to reach out to him. You wanted to text him or call him to see how his break was going, see how he was doing but you never had the heart to pull the trigger. It felt wrong. You had to remind yourself that you worked for the man. You couldn't let one heated make out session with a hot guitarist uproot your entire career just because you felt like you were touch starved. 

You laughed to yourself as you watched Sam throw a guitar pick back at Jake and began to giggle as Josh snapped his head in their direction, shooting his younger siblings a warning glare. You finally approached one of Jake's sound techs and stood beside him for a moment, crossing your arms out of habit to guard yourself when you felt out of place or even slightly anxious. “All good here?” You asked, watching as Jake sprinted across the stage and pretended to kick Sam. 

The tech, who’s name you learned was Scott, looked at you and smiled, “Seems so. Just can't keep the guys focused enough to get everything done in a timely fashion.” 

“I am not surprised.” You rolled your eyes and huffed a small laugh. 

“Right!” Scott responded with a small laugh, hooking a string to one of Jake’s prized Gibsons. 

You looked back towards the stage just in time to catch Jake looking at you with a mischievous smile, his sunglasses hiding the rest of his face. He waved at you softly to which you returned and the butterflies erupted in your stomach. 

Fuck, focus Y/N.

You patted Scott’s shoulder, “Well if youre all good here, I'm going to go back and make sure everything is in working order. Holler on the radio if you need anything.” You said, gesturing to the black radio hooked on your waistband.

“Hey thanks Y/N. I appreciate it.” 

“You are most welcome.” 

Your head snapped back to the boys on stage as you heard the first couple notes ring out loudly from Jake's guitar. It seemed like at least Jake had finally found his motivation to focus. Thank goodness. 

***

Just as quickly as the soundcheck started, it had finished. This is when the true chaos began.  Everyone was running around backstage trying to not only wrangle the boys to make sure they were on time for the schedule but also get them ready simultaneously. You had been working diligently setting up snacks and drinks for the night as well as organizing not only the boys dinner, but the staff's dinner as well. 

You were approaching show time quickly and you decided to drop off Jake’s dinner to him personally instead of setting it aside to be picked up when he pleased. Through the grapevine you had heard the first show back after break was the most nerve wracking for him and it was best to leave him alone. But you figured, as his new assistant, you would take the time to drop off his dinner personally and see if he needed any help. Walking into his greenroom, you found Jake hunched over polishing his black stage boots and humming along to a Black Keys song playing through a speaker you set up for him across the room. He looked up at you when he heard you enter the room and shot you a look that had you instantly weak in the knees, “Hey Clover.” 

 “Hello Jacob.” You set the box of food on a table nearby with its respective plastic fork and knife set. Super fancy things for the rockstars. 

“Ooh, I’m Jacob now?” The smile widened on his face which you didn’t believe was possible. “Didn’t know we were on a government first given name basis.” 

“Something like that.” You turned away from him, trying your best to hide the blush on your cheeks and a big smile. 

“So,” Jake closed the tin on his black leather polish. “What have you been up to Y/N?”

“Ooh, first full government name now Jacob?” You taunted him as you set out a few towels to carry to the stage with you. 

“Something like that.” He whispered. You jumped slightly as you realized he had quietly approached you from behind, fingertips grazing your lower back softly. 

You pushed him away and rolled your eyes, still smiling and made a beeline for the case of water and wine bottles set aside in the corner of the room. “Oh shut up Jake.” 

“Don’t be so rude Clover!” He placed a hand over his heart. 

You carefully set a water bottle down on the table and turned to face him, a soft mocking glare in his direction. “You'll survive I think.” 

“Don't be such a brat either!” His jaw dropped but there was a gleam in his eye. He missed this with you, the banter, the flirting, how you always had a non stop pink tint to your cheeks around him, it made the zipper on his pants feel extra constricting. 

You had decided to ignore Jake’s flirtatious remarks in lue of the time. “Alright c'mon and eat, we need to get the ball rolling here.” You snapped your fingers and pointed to your non-existent watch on your wrist. “Times a tickin!” 

Jake saluted you and gave you a soft smirk, grabbing the to go box and settling back onto the couch comfortably. He watched unabashedly as you exited the room in search of Rose for some odds and ends before the show started. He shamelessly pulled at the crotch of his pants a bit before getting comfortable enough to eat the wrap he had ordered. 

***

Not but an hour later and after many silly runs back and forth between respective green rooms you heard the final call over the radios.

“Time to deliver the package to the stage.” 

You stood outside of Jake’s green room leaning up against the white painted brick walls that resembled your old school hallways. You knocked three times on the closed door signaling it was time. Jake opened the door moments later, sharing a soft smile with you and a head nod as a signal to you now that he was ready to go. He was clad in a new black suit. A suit you weren’t aware was making a debut this evening. You had seen it before, tucked away on a hanger when you had been at the office mere weeks ago. But actually seeing it on Jake. Well, this was a different story. 

The shoulders were covered in rhinestones and glass beads alike and fuck he looked good. Your eyes widened at the sight of his strong chest and his bare stomach displayed against the black satin. The matching black pants hugged him in all the right places as he walked by to meet up with his brothers. You were still perched up against the wall, mouth slightly agape as Rose approached you, “Ready?” 

You were startled and quickly shook your head, “Absolutely!” 

You watched as the boys began to walk ahead of you, pushing each other against walls and laughs filling the air. You knew by now that this was the last moment of fun before they dialed in for the night.

The chorus of classical music became louder as you approached the stage through the same hallway and gate as you did earlier. The boys’  usual pre show antics died down as well as any casual discussion amongst team members. Flashlights began to light the way as you approached the entrance to the stage in the dark and this is the moment you also dialed in on your heart racing in your chest. Even though you weren’t performing you held a sense of nerves for each of the men in front of you as they passed briefly, Josh getting his mic, Sam his bass, Jake his guitar strap and pick and Danny his first set of drumsticks for the evening. 

You watched Jake as he adjusted a few dials on his Gibson, placing the guitar pick between his teeth as he followed his brothers up the stage steps. This is the moment the adrenaline hits. 

Jake turned his head towards you for a brief moment as he made it to the top of the platform standing next to his brothers.  He gave you a curt nod and a smile and you returned it with a thumbs up before he turned his head forward, facing the back of the curtain.

Showtime. 

The screams became louder as you watched the lights dance across the curtain in front of you, the sound of the orchestra picking up. You looked over at Rose and smiled as she patted Josh on the back and sent him away. A few moments later, the curtain fell and the screams from the fans were the only thing you focused on. You couldn’t help the smile that broke across your face as you watched the boys pose and prepare for a night of revelry. 

*** 

The first show back has been going smoothly. You still held a certain anxiety that you wouldn’t be prepared for Jake but you seemed to have found a dynamic with him pretty quickly throughout the first half of the show. Thankfully it seemed like his ques for more wine or a towel or even a new guitar pick had been more apparent than what you had originally dealt with. 

Okay here's your cue, here they come. 

You thought to yourself as the first half of the show came to a close.

Josh stepped off the stage and made a bee line for Rose. Sam ran shortly after him and had already exited into the hallway to head to B stage before Jake even stepped foot off of the stairs. It wasn't until you two were hidden away from the prying eyes of the crowd that he allowed himself to touch you. 

“Hey Clover,” He bumped his shoulder against yours, the sharpness of the beads on his shoulders scratching at your skin briefly. “How are you enjoying the show?” 

Your mind was running a million miles an hour, too focused on getting Jake situated for his B stage appearance to even give yourself time to acknowledge the fact that his knuckles were currently grazing your bare thigh underneath the bottom seam of your shorts as his arm swayed back and forth. You glanced sideways at his face finally and watched as he brushed his other hand through his hair, the sweat pooling on his hairline and a few strands of his hair sticking to the side of his face. You handed him a towel and watched shamelessly from the corner of your eye as he wiped away that sweat.

“I always enjoy the show!” You pulled the ice cold water bottle dripping with condensation from the little bag you were carrying and cracked it, handing it off to him.  

You heard him hum as he took a long swig from the bottle, “I know, you can’t seem to take your eyes off of me.”

Fuck.

You both slowed your walk a little bit through the hallway as you both realized you were approaching the gate to exit to B Stage. You finally looked at him now that you had slowed your pace together and realized how much he had actually been sweating. 

“Come here.” You turned your body towards him.

“What? What's wrong?” 

“Look up for me.” You dug through the little bag and pulled out a cotton ball and a mini bottle of micellar water. You reached out and began cleaning up some of the dripping eyeliner that started to run from his sweat. 

He flinched slightly and began to swat your hand away. “Woah! Why are you doing that?” 

“Relax, your eyeliner is running.” 

“Don't we want the eyeliner to run? Makes me look more rugged and more like a pirate, no?” He couldn’t contain the smile that was breaking across his face, as much as he was trying. 

You rolled your eyes, “You’re borderline pirate and looking like you just went through a messy break up. Just let me fix this spot.” 

“Whatever Clover.” He rolled his eyes and continued to cooperate with your request. 

“Alright, that should do it, here.” you held out a second fresh towel to dab away any sweat that had been collecting on his neck that he had missed while you had begun to tuck your supplies away in your book bag.

“Hey Clove? Can you hold this for me?” He asked out of nowhere. There was a glimmer in his eye as you realized he was holding a white rose. Wherever he had that tucked away, he had hidden it pretty well.

“What's this?” You blushed. 

You watched as Jake wiped his forehead and neck with a fresh towel you had just handed him in exchange for the white flower. “It’s a rose?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Thanks captain obvious, I mean why do you have it?” 

“It’s for you little Clover. A token of my appreciation for all that you do for me s’all.” 

You blushed furiously at the nickname and the sweet gesture he bestowed upon you. “Where the hell did you even hide that anyways?” 

“Dont worry about it.” 

Damn that cocky smirk of his.

As the drums faded away in the background and the screams of appreciation from the crowd died down on the other side of the wall, you could hear the beginning notes of Unchained Melody carry through the venue. Jake stepped a little bit closer to you as he began to walk by, his fingertips trailing across your back as he leaned down and kissed your cheek softly, “Missed you Y/N.”

Your heart pounded in your chest and your jaw dropped as you watched him walk away and take place next to security at the foot of the stairs to B-stage. You were in trouble. 

***

You figured after a successful, jam packed busy day you would have no problem on your first night back sleeping on the bus. Yet here you were, tossing and turning without any luck. You just couldn't sleep. The constant rocking of the bus, the motion from the hard pavement below underneath the tires, the snores sounding from around you, all of it. You rubbed your eyes and grabbed your phone from the side pocket of the bunk where it was safely tucked away, the screen blinding you momentarily as you unlocked your phone. 

3:15 AM. 

You figured you would just give up on sleep at this point. You only had about a 5 hour drive until you arrived at your hotel in Chicago and just figured you could just rest on this day off. Jake would understand and you were certain he wouldn't mind leaving you alone to catch up on some rest if needed. 

You sighed softly as you grabbed your headphones, the current book you were reading and slowly and as quietly as you could you crawled out of the top bunk, your big toe painfully balancing on a bunk below you as you stepped down. You were grateful for the blue lights that illuminated the walkways in the bus and the fact that this bus had a second story lounge. How in the hell that even fit up there, you hadn’t a clue but you were about to argue with anyone about it. This allowed sleeping quarters and recreation quarters, which was perfect for moments like this. Maybe you'd even be able to watch the sunrise this morning from the front of the bus. 

You padded quietly through the hall and made your way to the very small staircase and began your descent, the only sound around you was the wind whipping by and the soft snores coming from a few of the bunks. You sighed softly and smiled to yourself as you found the empty booth with the big window at the front of the bus on the upper level. You settled into your spot and opened your book, instantly regretting not bringing your blanket and pillow with you for comfort yet refusing to go back down in case you might disturb anyone. 

Some time had passed and you had been a few chapters into your book at this point when the sound of someone clearing their throat across the room made you jump out of your skin. 

“Well, what are you doing up Clover?” Jake smiled at you softly. He grabbed a small water bottle from the mini fridge a few feet away from you and took a few sips. He was so casual as he leaned against the counter. 

You gasped and removed the hand that had jumped to your chest, “Jesus Jake! You scared the shit out of me!”  

“My apologies Clover.” He slid into the booth across from you. “What are you reading?”

Your face flushed hot and your eyes grew wide . “Oh..nothing, uhm..it's just some fantasy story.” You hadn't the heart to tell him about the raunchy words that you had just been reading. The book had quite the plethora of smut tucked away in many pages. A guilty pleasure of yours that you hated to admit.

“Just some fantasy huh?” His eyebrows raised and you watched as his tongue peek out and meet the lip of the water bottle before his lips closed around the opening. Stop staring like a weirdo Y/N.  “I like fantasies. Could I read it after you? I need something new.” 

Your throat went dry, “I don't think..I don't think this is your cup of tea really Jake.” 

“Why's that?” He reached over to the book and lifted the cover to peek at the artwork. 

“I just-..” 

“Spit it out little Clover, cmon.” He smirked as he withdrew his hand. 

“There's a lot of uhm,” You averted your gaze to anything but his face and your voice lowered to a whisper. “There's a lot of…sex.”

“What was that?” Dammit Jake…

You cleared your throat softly.“There's a lot of sex.” 

His head turned sideways, almost inquisitive. “And who said I didn't like sex?”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times but words seemed to fail you. Being in Jake's presence, even thinking about sex in his presence, it felt dirty. It made you feel hot in all the wrong places for your own boss.

“Just let me know when you're finished with it, I think I will enjoy it.” He tipped his head back and finished the water bottle. You watched his hands as he crushed it effortlessly between them, twisting the cap back on the top after it was flattened. “Why are you awake?” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” You removed the book from the table in front of you, away from prying eyes. 

“I asked you first.” He leaned back and smirked, toying with the empty ball of plastic in front of him.

You rolled your eyes slightly. “I'm still getting used to the whole ‘sleeping on a tour bus’ I guess. The bunks are uncomfortable, I feel like I'm sleeping in a coffin and the motion sickness doesn't help. Even with the Dramamine I've been living off of.” 

“You will have that with this lifestyle sometimes,” He gave you a sympathetic look. “I'm sorry Y/N. You really  should try and at least get some rest though, it’s only day one.” 

You nodded, “Unfortunately I do not think that is in the cards for me this evening.” 

Jake hummed. 

“You never answered my question.” You said. 

“Ah,” He fiddled with the empty water bottle again. “I too cannot sleep this evening. I guess I'm a little wired after tonight's show.” 

“The crowd was electric tonight.” You confirmed.  

“They were indeed.” 

A tense silence fell between you two, like you were testing each other to see who would speak first. Naturally, it was Jake who broke the silence and you took note of how he nervously brushed his fingers through his hair for a moment.  

“Hey, wanna watch some tv with me? I used to watch cooking shows when I was younger and had trouble sleeping…but if that's not your forte, we can watch a movie or something.” He gestured down towards the back of the bus where a few couches spread out along the length of the bus and a nice sized plasma tv hung off the wall. His rambling was cute.

“I love cooking shows.”

***

Thankfully, Jake knew where some extra blankets had already been stored by the couches to bundle up on the bus since it usually ran cold for the best nighttime sleeping. He had turned on the Food Network and you two were settled on opposite sides of the little loveseat watching Chopped. 

“Do you really think they don't know what is in a basket before they open it?” You asked, popping a piece of popcorn into your mouth.

Jake's brows furrowed as he chewed, “They have to have some kind of idea because there's no way they can make these gourmet meals in 20 minutes out of random ingredients.” 

“Right! I mean, power to them if they truly don’t know. I don't think I could come up with a meal like that out of the blue and make it fancy.” 

You two fell back in a comfortable silence as you watched the cooks move across the screen. You hated to admit it but your body ached for Jake to be close to you, as much as you tried to deny it. His cologne was once again invading every one of your senses and it was intoxicating. With the way you were angled you were able to make small glances at his side profile discreetly. Or so you thought until his eyes met yours and he broke out into a smile and shook his head. Your heart dropped into your stomach.

“Got a staring problem Clover?” He grabbed another handful of popcorn from the bowl placed perfectly inbetween you. Cocky bastard.

Your eyes widened, “Huh?” 

“Don't play dumb with me. I could feel your eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.” His voice dropped a whole delicious octave as he smirked and tipped his head in your direction.  

“I don't know what youre talking about Jakey.” You tried to hide the smile that broke across your face as you looked back at the tv screen. 

“Oh I'm Jakey now huh?” 

You rolled your eyes, “I guess it's rubbing off on me from the others.” 

“Hmm.” He smirked again and you felt him shift from his spot on the couch next to you slightly .

“C’mere Clover.” He cleared his throat and whispered, your head snapped in his direction. He had positioned himself so his left arm was hanging on the back of the couch facing you a bit more and he had opened the blanket that was placed on his lap prior, offering a clear space for you to snuggle up.

“Huh?”

He rolled his eyes and smirked, “I know you're not deaf either.” He began moving towards you and your breath caught in your throat as you felt his hands find their way under both of your thighs and another around your torso gripping tightly. “I said. Come. Here.” 

Your heart was racing wildly in your chest as he settled back down on his side of the couch with you now tucked into his side. He threw the blanket over both of your laps now and one of his hands rested across your thigh. You still had a perfect view of the TV from your position but now being unable to see Jake, you felt uneasy.

“Much better,” He whispered against your ear. “I was getting a bit cold and you looked uncomfortable over there.” He paused to tuck your hair behind the same ear he had just been speaking into. 

Your face went hot and you sat rigid in your position against Jake. This felt way too intimate. You two hadn't had the chance to talk about or acknowledge the heated kiss you had shared a few weeks ago in the darkroom. This was toeing the line of downright inappropriate for a situation with your boss. But it felt way too good in the moment that you couldn't help yourself, you had been craving his touch for weeks now. Spending many lonely nights in your apartment back in Nashville wishing that he was there next to you, just like this.  

“Relax Clover,” Jake's fingertips brushed along your thigh, inching closer to the inside. “‘S just me. No need to be so tense.” 

That's the thing, you thought. It's you Jake..

You focused on the cooks on the screen, scrambling about to finish their tasks in time. You were hyper aware of every movement Jake was making, down to each one of his breaths filling his lungs with oxygen. Oxygen that you felt you needed so desperately. Your head was still swimming  and you were slightly uncomfortable in your position but your skin felt alive so you didn't dare to move an inch. You counted as the minutes ticked along before you felt him take a deep breath behind you, “Clover.” 

You turned your head ever so slightly and felt as his lips made contact with your cheek, the softest touch of them dragging across your cheekbone. Goosebumps spread across your arms and legs. You closed your eyes and sighed softly as you tilted your head in his direction. You wanted him at this moment. You wanted all of him, no you needed him. You didn't care anymore that he was your boss. You didn't care about the possible repercussions the two of you faced every time you found each other alone in a secluded area. Your back arched closer to him as his fingertips brushed the apex of your inner thigh. Fuck all inhibitions, he was downright addicting. 

You became suddenly aware of the fast movements his hands were making towards your core as his fingertips traced light circles against your inner thigh. He was getting dangerously close, so close to where you needed him most. You took a chance to look back in his direction to find his eyes half lidded watching you closely. From your angle it would be so easy to continue tipping your head to the side and kiss him. The feeling of his breath against your lips as he struggled to keep his own composure. The throbbing became more intense as his fingertips brushed along the band of your underwear hidden away underneath your sleep shorts. Your skin felt like it was on fire. 

You couldn’t help but mimic his actions and turned your body to face him better, your fingers immediately finding the edge of the waistband of his shorts. The feeling of his soft tummy underneath your finger trips with a little trail of coarse hair made your legs clench together at the thought of what he even looked like without clothes on. His breath began to stutter and his fingertip finally dipped underneath the hem of your panties, grazing the soft mound of skin. 

Your confidence grew as you felt how hard he was, straining against his own pants. All for you. You had accidentally grazed him, to which he jumped slightly in reply and a soft groan escaped his throat. You clenched around nothing at the low growl that vibrated against your ear. Before he could move any further you fully grabbed into the head of his throbbing cock in his pants, the girth alone making your core clench. 

He let out a longer groan this time, his head tipping back for a moment before his half-lidded eyes met yours again. “Wrong move sweetheart.” 

His hand that was dangerously close to toying with you snaps up to your neck and grips you roughly. You gasp as his lips make contact with your cheek again and move quickly over to your ear biting it with enough pressure to elicit a gasping moan from your throat. 

More, more, please dear god more…yes…fuck.

Someone cleared their throat. 

You lept out of Jake’s arms just as quickly as he had already been pushing you away towards the other end of the couch again. Your heart hammering in your chest. 

Both you and Jake made eye contact with Danny who was smirking wildly, eating a pack of gummies. 

“What do we have here?” 

Fuck. Fuck no, no.  

Your eyes snapped to Jake whose face was giving away the fact that he probably had the same thoughts before you both looked back at Danny. You felt like a puppy with its tail tucked between its legs. 

This could cost you your job. 

Not just with Greta Van Fleet but at your firm as well. You felt sick. 

“Danny, listen man..” Jake was rigid. 

He held a hand up after he popped another gummy bear into his mouth. “Look, honestly I could give a shit  less, let's be real. Just, be fucking careful for goodness sake.” He leaned down to grab a water bottle from the fridge. “You’re lucky it’s me who’s up right now and not anyone else.” 

You took a chance to look towards Jake again, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth now in a tight line. You made note of his knee bouncing with anxiety. You still felt like a deer in headlights yourself. 

“Just promise me you won’t do this on the bus again. At least try and hide it between you two.” Danny pleaded as he crushed the plastic water bottle in his hands. 

Jake rubbed his nose and stole a glance in your direction, “You have our word.” 

September 6th. 

STARCATCHER

Chicago, IL. 

The speakers boomed wildly in the arena. The screams from fans either shouting their graces or singing their favorite lyrics at the top of their lungs filled the air around you. You closed your eyes for a brief moment on the side of the stage and took a deep breath. You began humming along to one of your favorite songs that was booming through the arena speakers that you learned quite well since you started working with Greta Van Fleet. You focused on the notes from Jake's guitar more than anything if you were being honest. Opening your eyes you couldn't help but immediately follow his figure on stage. Watching him live out his dream he had told you started in his parents garage many years ago that took off, what felt like, overnight. 

This right here. This is why you did what you did. 

Music was your true passion, but being able to watch the friends that you made along the way live out their dreams, to see people live up to their true potential and become recognized for it? It made your chest ache with pride. You couldn't be more proud of the four men on that stage in front of you. You couldn't be more proud of Jake. 

You hadn't talked to Jake about that night on the bus. You had a moment of tension after Danny retreated back to his bunk after his late night snack escapade, but Jake quickly broke it by sending you a soft smile and suggesting to follow what Danny had mentioned and that going to  bed would be a good idea. He had been acting bashful, like a child who was just caught stealing the candy out of the candy drawer, but he acted no different towards you. In fact, he had kissed your cheek briefly and cracked a joke about being more cautious. He had a knack for easing your anxiety, assuring you that Danny wouldn't tell their tour manager but to probably keep things at a minimum between the two of you for now. 

You had officially given up on trying to deny your feelings towards him. The way he carried himself on  and off stage was something you weren't even aware that you were looking for in a romantic partner. He was kind, funny, confident yet shy in an endearing way, and god dammit was he good looking. You knew it was so wrong to feel this way but you were almost sure that he felt the same way too. 

He had been stealing glances your way tonight on stage and where you were looking for his signals for more wine or another towel, you found none. Instead you found smiles, soft eyes, and the occasional wink sent in your direction. There was no denying it. You weren't in a rush to ask him what was going on between the two of you, both out of your own fear of abandonment and not wanting to label or ruin what you had going for you. It was light and fun and fuckin hot. The random moments like the one you shared on the bus a few days ago, you loved the insatiable feeling that was building in your chest. You smiled briefly and bit your lip remembering the feeling of Jake's fingers so close to where you needed him and looked down at your shoes, hiding the emotions written all over your face. It was clear as day you were a million miles away and with Rose standing so close you feared she would turn and catch you blushing wildly. 

You looked down at your watch and noticed the time, matching up with the music you knew the boys would be off stage soon and post-show chaos would reign once again. Usually, for reasons you still couldn't understand, the boys would have what you liked to call “post-concert zoomies”. How the hell they had so much energy after working their asses off, you had no clue, but usually one or two or all of them would end up in some sort of mischievous activity to finish out the night. You tapped lightly on Rose's shoulder to get her attention. “Hey, Im going to sneak back now and tidy up a bit so we can get the fuck out of here tonight at a decent time. Is that okay with you?” 

“Absolutely of course it is, I'll keep an eye on Jake for you.” 

“Thanks.” You patted her shoulder and made a beeline for Jake's dressing room. Trying to help Rose wrangle these men as well as try and clean up and avoid distractions from Jake after a show had proven to be quite difficult since the break. It seems all the energy they restored was now tenfold and making you and Rose stress more than usual to stay on time with bus calls at the end of the day. 

You opened the door to Jake's dressing room and started tidying up by folding random clothes and sorting them into piles, cleaning up the makeup station and throwing away the random food boxes from dinner. The roars of the crowd became louder and then ceased after a moment or two, signaling the end of the show for the evening. By the time you heard the boys coming through the halls, Josh talking at a higher volume than the rest, you had just set a towel aside with Jake's shower items for him on a blank counter. 

“I'll catch you guys in a bit.” Jakes tilted his chin up to his brothers before locking eyes with you in the room. 

“Hey Clover,” His smile bright and his eyes gleaming with the overhead lights, you took notice of the long stem white rose he was twirling between his thumb and first two fingers. “Forgot to grab this for you earlier.” He walked towards you slowly and presented you with yet another white rose. 

Your cheeks go aflame and you cannot contain your smile. “That's three roses now, I'm losing places to save them Jake.” You bring the flower up to your nose and inhale its scent as Jake pulls off the black jacket and lays it on the couch. 

“Where have you been hiding them anyways?” He shoots you a questioning look. 

“I have my places, away from the prying eyes of anyone else.” 

“Ahh, I see.” Jake flitted around the room effortlessly, gathering up little personal items and then grabbing his items to go shower. That weird moment of tension settling through the air again. You wanted to ask Jake about the kiss, the bus, his actions towards you. All of it. Your head began to swim at the thought of his possible responses or reactions. 

He had been so flirty with you still but did he mean anything by it? He hasn't brought up what happened between either of you as well. Did that mean he regretted it? 

“Y/N!” Danny's voice rang through the doorway. Your saving grace you suppose. “Do you have any makeup remover? Rose is low I guess and she said she has to save it for the diva.” 

You giggle and glance over to the otherside of the room to see that Jake had already retreated to the shower. “Uhhh, yeah, yes I think I do Danny.”

You stood from your spot on the couch and made your way to your bag digging out the extra bottle of micellar water and a pack of cotton balls and you handed them back to Danny across the room. 

“Thanks Y/N.” He nodded at you. “Hey by the way, I think we are all meeting in Josh's dressing room in a little bit for a few drinks as a celebration. You should join us!” 

You smiled at him and crossed your arms, “Sure, I just have a few things to finish up here first with Jake and I'll be there. What are we celebrating?” 

“Jake is starting another band with a few of our close friends and things are falling into place. I think they will actually be opening for us for a few shows looking into next year. He hasn't told you about it?” Danny's brows furrowed. 

“Wait really? No, no he hasn't.” 

“Ask him about it if you dare, he's super excited.” Danny winked and closed the door as he turned to make his exit. 

A new band huh..

You smiled to yourself softly at the thought of Jake's love for music and his dedication. You don't think you have met someone so passionate about their craft yet and it excited the butterflies in your stomach. You settled onto the cool leather couch in the green room and opened your laptop, you had a few invoices to log for Rose for the day that thankfully would not take too long. The sound of packing up outside the doors, keys jingling, people yelling commands at one another all quickly became background noise to you as you typed away in the excel sheet designated for you and Rose. You had been so focused on your computer screen you had not heard the creak of the bathroom door as Jake made his exit from his shower. 

Your only cue was seeing nothing but wet skin and a crisp white towel in your peripheral. Your heart caught in your throat and you sucked in a sharp gasp, hoping that it wasn't loud enough for Jake to catch it. You felt like a deer in headlights, his towel left little to the imagination. You slowly studied his chest down to the little patch of previously shaved hair on his pubic bone, his hair dropping and the water rolling down his skin. 

Your eyes darted to his face last and while he hadn't been looking at you, you could see the smirk he was once again trying so hard to cover. “See something you like, Y/N?” He placed his jeans and belt down on the counter across from you.

Your mouth was agape without realizing it, “I…uh-…oh holy fuck…I’m so, so sorry Jake.” You quickly shut your laptop and stood to make your way out the door.

He cleared his throat and you watched the skin across his knuckles tighten shamelessly as he gripped the towel tighter. You could ever so clearly make out the shape of him hidden away behind the cotton towel. The thought that it shouldn’t be that easy to see such a thing made your mouth run dry and your core begin to pound. You stood quickly, making haste to the closed door. 

“No, wait.” he said breathlessly. 

“Y/N,” Jake took a step towards you and you both froze again. “Clover..” his opposite hand holding the towel raised slightly like he was trying to calm a wild animal that had approached closer than anticipated. 

“Dont.” 

Your hand paused on the door handle of the green room, unsure why you listened but every cell in your body felt like you would comply with any word that passed those soft lips. 

You turned back around and faced Jake slowly only to find he was now closer than before. You could smell his old spice shampoo and body wash surrounding you. You watched as a droplet of water ran down the side of his forehead, down his cheek and finally dropped off the bottom of his chin. He looked sinful all wet like this. His hair was slightly slicked back with a few pieces still sticking to his face. As he took a few more steps towards you, you could feel the heat from the hot shower radiating off of his skin.  

“Clover.” He repeated, more softly than before. 

Your eyes unintentionally dropped to his lips then quickly snapping back up to his eyes. You watched as he lifted his hand and felt the brush of his finger on your cheek, wiping away what you assumed was a bit of your mascara that might’ve flaked off during the day. 

His eyebrows furrowed and you took a moment to admire the soft pout of his bottom lip as he flicked away the little black speck. Goodness, you wanted to feel his mouth against yours again. 

His eyes lifted back to yours and he walked towards you and pushed you back against the door with a soft thud. Your breath ceased to exist for a moment. You watched intently as Jake’s eyes flickered down toward your lips. He was moving closer to you, intent on kissing you which was apparent by the way he licked his lips. 

A pounding at the door made the back of your head jump slightly, “Jake cmon man hurry up! You’re taking longer than fuckin Josh does.” Sam’s voice rang out through the solid oak. 

You let out a breath and Jake smirked, “Sammy boy seems to have impeccable timing.” He said softly. 

“Seems so.” You returned his soft smile and hoped  he would kiss you even after your interrupted moment. Your heart sank in disappointment as Jake stepped away from you and made his way across the room to his case where you had tucked away his change of clothes earlier.

“Can you run ahead and tell Sammy I’ll be there in a moment, Clover? I’m sure he’s about ready to grab Daniel to break the door down.” You watched as his thumb tucked away underneath the rolled up band of his towel, mouth going dry at the brief thought of what was hidden away by a thin piece of fabric. What probably was softly tucked up against your hip a moment ago. 

“Uh..yeah, yes I’ll do that right away.” You squeaked from your dry throat.

“Thanks Y/N.” 

With a wink and a soft head nod in your direction, he dipped into the bathroom once again to change. You trailed out of his greenroom desperate for some fresh air. Maybe a damn cigarette at this point. Simply anything to calm your wild heart.

***

While you had been opposed to drinking on the job, you had found Sam and Josh to be very convincing. The second you step foot into the green room down the hall you are instantly surrounded by loud music and booming voices. 

“Que sera, sera! Whatever will be, will be..” 

Josh had his arms wrapped tight around one of the security guards and another arm around Sam. All three of them belting the chorus to the song, legs kicking in the air in unison. Laughter followed shortly after. You couldn’t help but feel a rush of emotions. You were so grateful to have started working with Greta Van Fleet. You felt your shoulders drop and all your worries seemed to melt as you took in the scene in front of you. Smiles all around, laughter filling the air. 

“Ahh! Y/N!,” Josh boomed, waving his finger in your direction. “So glad you could sneak away from my twin to join us. Come, come! Pick your poison darling!”

Josh pranced across the room towards you, still rocking one of his famous jumpsuits and rhinestones. He looped his arm with yours and dragged you over to a small table littered with ice buckets, beers, cups, liquors and mixers alike. 

“We have it all! What would you like?” 

“Hmm, surprise me!” You smiled. 

“You don’t want that,” Jake's voice rang out beside you, making your body flush with heat. “He’ll make you a damn salty dog.” 

“What's that?” You turned to look at Josh.

“Grapefruit juice, salted rim and vodka.” Jake’s nose scrunched as he grabbed a red solo cup and some ice. His hair was now towel dried and he was clad in his usual button down and favorite pants of the month. 

“Ohh it’s not that bad!” Josh said, shooting daggers at Jake. “It’s the best screwdriver you’ll ever have Y/N!” 

“I do like a good screwdriver.” You said, matter of factly, tapping your finger on your chin for dramatics. 

Jake snorted as he poured some four roses whiskey into his cup, “Suit yourself Clover, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” He popped the cork back into the bottle and gave you a wink. 

Josh had already begun twisting the rim of a cup in a pile of salt not too far from you, humming softly to an old bluesy song that was playing that you couldn’t quite place. 

“Here you go miss Y/N!” Josh shoved the red cup in your direction a few minutes later.

You took it cautiously and glanced between Jake and Josh, Jake who was already trying to hide his smirk and Josh who looked ever so hopeful. 

“Damn I didn’t know this would acquire such an audience.” You said sarcastically. 

“Hush up and just drink!” Josh said. 

You brought the cup up to your nose and smelled it. You were immediately hit with the pungent scent of vodka and the sourness of grapefruit. You lifted your eyebrow as you took a sip and immediately puckered. “Oh god.” 

Jake let out a booming laugh and Josh looked wounded.

“That's,” you took another sip. “No.” You handed the drink off to Josh who was clasping a hand over his heart. 

“Told you so.” Jake snorted, stirring his drink with a black straw. 

“Y/N, I am hurt.” Josh said dramatically. 

“I’m sorry love but that’s just not my cup of tea.” You scrunched up your nose as you watched Josh take a big gulp. 

“Suit yourself Clover!” Josh said, pointing a finger. 

You immediately caught Jake’s glare towards his twin at the use of his nickname for you. “Watch it Josh.” 

Josh just shrugged and winked at Jake, suddenly getting distracted from the sound of boisterous yelling across the room. 

You busied yourself making a concoction of your favorite drink from your options in front of you. Once you were happy with your mix, you stood next to Jake and watched the antics across the room unfold which consisted of a few golf balls and a red solo cup. 

“So,” you smirked at Jake over the lip of your cup. “When exactly were you going to tell me about this new band?” 

“Ahh,” he smirked and gave you a side eye. “Was trying to keep it under wraps as much as possible but I see someone let their tongue slip.” He took another generous sip of his drink.

You snorted, “Kinda hard to do that when you boys all have megaphones for mouths.” 

“Hey!” He bumped you with his elbow. “That's awfully rude Clover.” 

“Alright!” Danny clapped his hands together before you could respond. “Everyone grab a shot of tequila! Tonight calls for a major celebration for our dearest friend Jake and his new band!” 

“I see I’ve found the culprit.” Jake shook his head but he didn’t seem displeased, he seemed shy. Which was shocking to you as he always seemed so confident in himself.

You hadn’t noticed but Rose had pre poured little tequila shooters in plastic cups and had a small cup of lime wedges sitting next to it. Once everyone had their respective shots, Danny raised his in the air and everyone followed suit. 

“To our brother Jake! We are so proud of you for this new project coming to fruition. May this be a successful one for you!” Danny smiled wide. “To Mirador!” 

“To Mirador!” Everyone followed suit. 

September 7th.

Detroit, MI.

You awoke suddenly and you were met with the wall of the tour bus bunk a few inches in front of your face, the consistent pinging of your phone next to your head. Even though you could hear the air conditioning buzzing on the bus you were hot and uncomfortable. The sweat making your hair stick to the side of your neck and face. You were definitely hungover. You couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to indulge so much. You groaned as your phone pinged next to your head again. You rolled over, feeling instantly dizzy and squinted your eyes as your screen lit up the dark space.

You allowed yourself to let loose last night, that was for certain. It wasn’t too difficult after the first shot of tequila had hit your stomach and settled, you felt yourself actually relax for once. You weren’t doing your job last night, you were simply hanging out with some new friends and celebrating. By the time you had your 3rd shot of tequila and you were on your second mixed drink of the night you had been dancing with Josh to one of his favorite ABBA songs blaring on a little speaker across the room from where you were twirling away together. The more you drank, the more your eyes focused on Jake from across the room. Watching him smile and indulge in a rather obnoxious game of quarters with a few members from security and Danny. The more you drank the more insatiable you became for him. 

You wanted to have him pressed up against you again. You began to wonder as Josh abandoned you for a drink refill and you were standing alone now against the wall, what would’ve happened if Sammy had not interrupted you earlier that evening. You wondered if Jake wanted you the same way you wanted him. In a way so bad you felt as if you would not be satisfied until you had him fully. The tequila was bringing out such a lustful and sinful side of you that you were not used to. As Jake caught your eye and winked at you from across the room with a smile tugging on his lips, you felt your body react in a way you hadn’t felt in such a long time for anyone else. In a way that you will definitely keep chasing, no matter what the consequences may be you decide. Josh came back along and bumped your shoulder, breaking your eye contact with Jake who just realized he had lost because he hadn’t been paying attention. Josh had a small shot of tequila and a lime in his outstretched hand to which you accepted with a wince. That ended up being shot number 4 for the night, and one of the last things you could remember. 

As you lay in the bunk and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, you realized you weren’t even sure how or when you had made it back on the tour bus in the first place. You groaned softly in agony as you felt your heart rate increase slightly at the fear of what had occurred after that final shot. 

You finally acknowledged the messages on your phone in front of you, realizing you had been scrolling and reading, yet not comprehending the messages themselves. The group chat you had reluctantly been added to with the 4 gentlemen, Rose, and a few others had been the cause of your disturbance. Messages had been going back and forth about plans for a group brunch somewhere in downtown Detroit. You winced at the pain shooting through your skull. Why was everyone already wide awake and ready to go? Didn’t they drink as much as you? You were surprised as you focused on the time finally, seeing it was almost 10 am. This meant you at least got some decent sleep for once on the bus and you wished you didn’t have to drink to achieve such results. 

Scrolling through the remainder of the messages on your Lock Screen, forgoing any responses in the group chat, you noticed you had one single text from Jake separate from the rest.

Jake K. 9:23 AM

Carpe diem Clover, I want you to come to brunch

You see underneath that text he had called you moments before the message was sent. The bus was pretty silent for this hour and you wondered where he and the rest of the group was. You smiled softly at your phone and typed on the little bar to pull up your keyboard to respond. 

You 10:02 AM

What time is brunch? I have a wicked hangover and could use a shower…

You saw the little text bubble pop up almost immediately as Jake clearly jumped to respond to you. 

Jake K. 10:02 AM 

SHE LIVES! I’m not surprised you were pretty drunk yesterday

Brunch is at 11. Hurry up and get off the bus, there’s some people I want you to meet today. 

You 10:03 AM 

Oh no..did I do anything embarrassing? 

Jake K. 10:04 AM 

You tried to kiss me a few times when I was trying to get you into your bunk and you wouldn’t let me leave you for a little bit

You winced, of course..smooth Y/N

You 10:06 AM 

Oh my god I’m so sorry…

Jake K. 10:06 AM 

Don’t sweat it Clover, it was cute. 😉

Hurry up and get off the bus already! 

You 10:07 AM 

Yes sir 🫡 

You pulled the curtain back on your bunk and winced at the daylight, the smell of diesel suffocating your nose. You really needed some fresh air as the nausea settled in your stomach. You hopped down from your bunk, having to steady yourself across the hallway and then pulling your favorite hoodie on. 

Your phone lay on the bunk mattress and you heard it chime and blushed wildly at Jake’s response. 

Jake K. 10:13 AM 

Careful Clover..

***

It didn’t take you too long to get ready. A nice cold shower and a few Tylenol and you had begun to feel somewhat like a human being again. You threw on your favorite comfy clothing, figuring for once you didn’t care too much about your appearance, and made your way down the elevator to the lobby. You were excited for breakfast, hoping that the boys had picked a good spot, a cheap place at least. You loved the mom and pop diners in your hometown and you had missed visiting them dearly. 

The elevator chimed and you walked out into the lobby, hearing your name called by Jake from across the way almost instantly. He was standing with a group of people waving you over with a beaming smile, his sunglasses resting against his nose. Some of these people you recognized, some you did not. 

“Y/N, this is my mother.” He gestured to the left of him with a smile as you approached. “Mom, this is my Y/N.” 

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Kiszka.” You extended your hand to shake hers with a soft smile.

“Oh nonsense come here,” She wrapped you up in a loving embrace. “It's so nice to finally meet you, I have heard so much about you.” She pulls away from the hug, still gripping your shoulders softly and glances over at Jake with a smile. 

“Mom!” Jake exasperated through gritted teeth. You blushed and gave Jake a teasing look seeing that his cheeks were the same red hue. 

Mrs.Kiszka ignored him and still held heavy eye contact with you, “Will you be joining us Y/N?” 

You tore your eyes away from Jake who was nervously combing his fingers through his hair and looked back at his mother, “I am yes.” You gave her a soft smile. 

“Oh wonderful!,” she clapped. “Do we have everyone? Should we head out?” 

She stepped away from you briefly and you smirked at Jake next to you who was sporting the sweetest pink hue across his cheeks. 

***

Your fingertips traced the edge of the white cloth napkin as it sat on your lap, an anxious tick for you in uncomfortable situations. This place was expensive. You took one look at the menu and you felt the air escape your lungs. How they were about to charge people $21 for a single piece of toast, a quarter of an avocado and some olive oil drizzled was beyond you. It wasn't that your job didn’t pay you well but you felt like since you started living on your own you were more cautious than others when it came to spending money. 

So what the hell were you going to eat?  

Loud, joyous laughs rang next to you coming from the people sitting at your table, as well as Josh’s booming voice clearly telling an animated story. His story died down a moment or two later and the fingertips that were tracing the edge of the linen cloth were now nervously picking at the ends of your hair as your eyes frantically scanned the menu in front of you searching for the cheapest item as you heard voices around you say they were ready to order. 

“What are you thinking Clover?” Jake said softly. You glanced up and saw him giving you a hopeful look, flipping his menu over to hand to his mother next to him. 

“Oh uh,” your eyes quickly scanned the Sides section. “Probably just a fruit cup.” 

“A fruit cup? That’s all?” Jake’s eyebrows raised as he rested his chin on his hands in front of you. “You feeling okay?” One of his hands reached across the table and rested softly on your forehead, checking your temperature. 

“Yeah i-uhm…everything’s kind of, it’s just expensive.” You felt the shame settle in the bottom of your stomach. You tried to speak softly so as to not draw unnecessary attention to yourself. 

Jake looked puzzled for a moment and before he could open his mouth, Mrs.Kiszka reached across the table and patted the spot in front of you. “Honey, we’re all like family around here, don’t worry about anything we will take care of it. Enjoy a nice breakfast.” 

Family. 

Family was a touchy subject for you. Your mother hasn’t been around since you were 6, abandoning you and your father for a “better life” with another man. While you had repaired most of your relationship with your father that had been destroyed by your teenage rebellion of not having a strong woman figure in your life, you two didn’t end on the best terms before you moved to Nashville to pursue your dreams. Your father wanted you to pursue “something great”, something similar to what he did. Something that he felt he could brag about to his friends like a doctor or even an engineer. You had seen the disappointment in his eyes when you told him you wanted to be a part of the music scene and not get a PhD. 

Mrs. Kiszkas hand withdrew as the waiter came up to the opposite end of the table and started scribbling orders down, going around making eye contact with each person and chatting, sharing smiles or small laughs. The world felt like it was moving in slow motion as you realized the waiter was about to ask the security guard sitting next to you what he wanted to eat. You felt out of place. You felt wrong. You shouldn’t be here… 

As the tears began to well in your eyes you stood promptly from the table, grabbing your small purse off of the back of the chair. You needed a moment. 

“Clover?” Jake's concerned voice was but a distant sound behind you as you made eye contact with the restroom sign across the restaurant. The shortness of breath followed suit and the tightening of your throat snapped as you pushed the heavy door open and locked it behind you, slightly thankful this was a single person bathroom. 

You let your tears fall for a brief moment. You were never good at expressing your emotions around others, always wearing a smile and pretending everything was okay even when your world could have been crumbling. You were always told growing up how awesome it was that you were so resilient in tough situations. Yet really you just masked your emotions and dealt with them in the safety of your room where no one could see what was going on. That's why you ran from that table, suddenly overwhelmed and jealous that the boys had such a loving and supportive family. Such a loving and clearly supportive mother. Something you’ve wanted since the day you turned 16… 

You heard a soft knock sound against the door, “Clover?” 

Fuck. 

You started to run the water and splashed a little bit against your cheeks, trying to wipe away the heat that had settled into your skin and the tears that had been streaking down your soft skin. You turned it off abruptly and made it a point to run the hand dryer before taking a deep breath, then another and then another. As always, it was easy to push the strong sadness that you felt in your heart down, faking a smile in the mirror before turning back to the solid oak wood door. 

There he was. Standing against the wall scrolling on his phone, one leg propped against the wall keeping him steady. His eyes snapped up as he heard the door creak open and you could see the sadness as it settled into his eyes. You hated that. You hated seeing other people’s pity for you. You didn’t need it, you didn’t want it. You had spent your whole childhood and teenage years practically alone and you learned quickly to not accept love or care so willingly because they will probably leave you when things get hard. 

You stood still as a statue for a moment as you fought against that tightening in your throat once again. Jake locked his phone and pushed off the wall towards you, “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He brushed a piece of hair away from your face, his fingers not gliding as easily as they normally did due to the dampness of your cheeks.

“Uhm,” you looked down. “Nothing, I’m fine I just really had to use the bathroom?” 

Great, that didn't sound convincing and gross?

“Clover,” Jake sounded sad. “We both know that’s not true.” 

“Jake I really-“ 

Your sentence was cut off by the loud ring of your phone in your right hand. You glanced at the screen to see one of the sound techs name calling you. You held it up to Jake so he could see and held up your finger. He nodded and stepped out of your way so you could walk by him. 

“Hello?” You pressed a finger into your opposite ear and began to walk down the hallway towards the exit door, the restaurant too loud to focus on talking to someone on the phone. 

“Miss Y/N? I’m sorry to bug you but we’re missing a few of Jake’s guitars. Do you have any clue where they are?” 

“You’re missing guitars?! How the hell did that happen!” You looked back at Jake and saw a fire ignite in his eyes. 

“I have no idea, we’re missing the B stage acoustics!” 

“Not to sound condescending but did you check all the crates?” 

Jake made a motion at you to put the phone on speaker, nostrils slightly flared. 

“Yes ma'am, of course.” The tech’s voice sounded through your phone speakers out loud.

“We will be down there in a few minutes.” Jake spoke for you, his voice pointed. 

“Oh, okay, yes see you soon,” the tech was clearly nervous as he realized it was Jake. “I’m really sorry Jake I-.” 

Jake had already been storming away from you back down the hallways towards the table. 

“It’s okay, we will get this figured out,” you said softly trying to calm the tech down. “We will be there in about 20 to help.” 

You ended the call promptly and began walking back towards the table following the same path Jake had taken. 

Jake, who you had never seen properly pissed before, was gripping the back of the chair so tightly it looked like the skin was going to rip against his knuckles. “I don’t fuckin know Josh, she just got the call, we’re about to leave.” 

“Hey, excuse me,” Mrs. Kiszka spoke up. “Don’t go taking it out on him, it's not his fault.” 

Jake just rolled his eyes before looking back at you and suddenly everyone’s eyes were focused on you, an uncomfortable silence hung in the air after Jake’s apparent outburst. 

You smiled softly trying to diffuse the tension, “Sorry everyone, we’re about to head to the venue now to figure out what’s going on and find these guitars.” 

“No worries honey, I hope you can find them.” Mrs.Kiszkas soft voice and smile was all you could focus on. 

“Cmon Clover, before I have a fuckin aneurysm” Jake’s hand pressed against your lower back and began to lead you away from the table. The only thing you could focus on was his strong fingertips against your hip as you exited the building. 

*** 

The crisis has been resolved fairly quickly. After some diligent searching by yourself, Jake and a few other techs you had found th3 acoustics. One of the newer techs had placed Jake’s beloved acoustics on one of the team's tour buses instead of in their normal crates. You had taken a seat on a couch in one of the green rooms, typing away at a few emails listening to Jake rip the tech a new one in the hallway nearby. You were momentarily wincing softly at the tone of his strong voice feeling pity for the tech who was on the receiving end of his rage. You hated conflict. It made your anxiety rise and you tended to avoid situations of conflict at all costs, hence you tucking yourself away once Jake found the tech responsible for the negligence of his beloved guitars. 

The harsh voice faded away and you watched out of the corner of your eye as Jake carried two black guitar cases into the greenroom shaking his head softly. “Sorry you had to hear that Clover” 

“No no,” you waved him off. “I understand. I know how much those guitars mean to you.” 

You watched as Jake unlatched one of the cases and picked it up before focusing back on your computer screen as the chime came through that one of your emails had been replied to. 

“So Clover,” Jake began to walk across the room towards you, settling a single leg on the coffee table in front you and propping the guitar against his thigh. “Are you going to tell me why you ran away from breakfast earlier?” 

You winced slightly. You hated, abhorred talking about your feelings to others. You hated bringing up your family trauma. Others before Jake had ruined that for you. Eventually using the information against you, to hurt you in times of tension, or hearing one sad story about your childhood and deciding that the baggage wasn’t for them. Your fingers stopped typing for a moment, “it’s nothing you need to worry about I promise.” 

Jake’s fingers now stopped the soft tuning of his acoustic as he looked at you, “Cmon Clover, I know that’s not true.” 

Your mouth opened to speak but you were interrupted by a soft knock against the door frame. “Hey!” The boys' manager Nick stood in the doorway. “I see the guitars were found?” 

“Yes they were.” Jake rubbed the side of his nose and removed his leg from the coffee table. 

“Sorry about that Jake, didn’t mean to disrupt your breakfast this morning.” 

Jake waved him off and placed the acoustic back in its case. 

“I was actually wondering if I could speak to you for a moment? It's regarding Mirador.” Paul said, crossing his arms and flashing a bright smile. 

“Yeah, for sure man!” Jake’s eyes lightened up. “I’ll be right back Y/N. Don’t let those guitars out of your sight.” 

You saluted the man as he walked across the room towards Paul and giggled softly to yourself. You focused back on the computer screen in front of you, sipping a drink that the venue had graciously provided even though you were here a day early before the show. 

You took a brief moment to stretch your arms and your neck and your eyes focused on the black acoustic sitting so perfectly in the opened guitar case. You fought against a little voice in your head encouraging you to pick it up. It had been so long since you held a guitar, let alone tried to play it. But there was an itch in your muscles. Acoustic guitars felt like home to you. And fuck did you miss home right now. 

You gave into the little voice in your head, hoping that whatever impromptu meeting Paul had pulled Jake for would last a little while as you told yourself you were just going to tune it and then place it back in its case like nothing happened. Your body had carried you so easily across the room and you looked down at the shiny black surface and smiled to yourself. You were flooded with warm, happy memories from your childhood, throwing a blanket over the tough ones that riddled your mind from earlier. You were transported back to your childhood room, your zoo animal wallpaper and your father, sitting on a small stool teaching you about tuning a guitar before playing the most beautiful melodies to ease your troubled mind to sleep. 

Your throat tightened once again as you lifted the guitar from its case and walked back across the room, settling yourself on the black couch. You took a deep breath, willing the anxiety and frustration away from earlier as you strummed all the strings softly. 

Slightly out of tune, but not terrible. 

You closed your eyes and softly began to strum each individual string, fingers dancing across each separate knob twisting and turning until you hit that perfect note you had been looking for. You smiled softly to yourself as you found each string had finally been to your liking. 

“What’s this all about, huh?” Jake startled you, a sneaky grin about his blush lips as he re entered the room. His eyes are narrowed in on his acoustic held carefully in your hands. 

“Jake! I-Im so sorry!” You panicked for a moment and your eyes grew wide. You half expected him to take it from you immediately and ridicule you for even laying a finger on his guitar, knowing good and well that you’re no musician. Yet, instead of reaching for the guitar tucked away in your arms, he sat on the coffee table in front of you and when you had begun to stand up from your spot, he held a hand up and shook his head. 

“May I?” He smirked as he slowly reached for the neck from your fingers, playing a few chords once it was settled in his arms. His brows raise when he realizes how perfectly in tune his strings are. 

He hummed as he looked at you, a sly grin still gracing his lips. “Clover,” he jests with a giggle, a full pink hue enveloping your cheeks at the nickname that you’re not sure you’ll ever get used to. “When were you going to tell me you could play?”

“Well,” you begin, trying to figure out the right way to articulate the fact that you most certainly cannot play this instrument. How do you explain that you can only tune these things, yet can’t play a single note? “I can’t exactly play it, but I am pretty damn great at making them sound good enough to play.” 

He cocks left eyebrow in confusion at you, biting his bottom lip as his grin begins to widen. “Yeah? And how does one manage to learn that trade?” He began strumming the strings softly again.

That is a loaded question, you thought. One that comes with an even more loaded answer pertaining to your challenging emotions not too long ago at breakfast. You took a deep breath and exhaled through your nose as your heart squeezed in your chest at the thoughts that plagued your mind earlier came flooding back. 

“You know you can talk to me Y/N. No judgment.” The twinkle in his golden irises began giving you a sense of peace and comfort. Your heart was reluctant to share information but your brain seemed to insist. 

“It’s…kind of a long one and it kind of has to do with what happened earlier,” you express, looking down at your feet. 

He adjusts his seat, setting the guitar down next to him that he’d been softly playing. “I’ve got plenty of time,” he says, rolling up the sleeve of his black linen shirt to look at his watch. “Tell me all about it, Clove.” 

With a deep sigh and not much of a spare thought, your loaded answer began to spill from your mouth. “My dad,” you say, swallowing down the lump that’s already started to form in your throat. No tears, Y/N. Not yet. “He taught me how to tune his guitar when I was little. He’s—well, he’s the reason I’m here, actually.” 

His eyes became downturned in new found worry, as though he could sense the bittersweet memories that had begun to swirl in your mind. Memories of your life before Nashville, memories of your mom, your dad…

It’s been no easy feat getting to where you are today. The mountains you've had to climb, the people you’ve left behind— all for the sake of living out your dream of being part of the music industry.

And now that it’s become a reality, now that you’re living in the Music City, home feels further and further away with each passing moment. 

Your mom left a long time ago, opting to let your dad become your only guardian. And because of that, your relationship with your dad was the strongest one you’d ever had. And what you told Jake was true; he truly is the reason you’re here. 

He supported you when no one else would. He encouraged your wildest dreams, gave you room to grow and spread your wings as best as he could with his single income. 

Leaving him was one of the hardest things you’d ever done. As if leaving the person who loved you the most wasn’t difficult enough, you didn’t exactly leave on the best terms. He did support you, but once it registered with him that living out your dreams meant moving across the country, he had a hard time letting you go. 

You left with a thousand words left unsaid between the two of you, yet too many said out of anger at the same time. You’ve hardly spoken to him since, fearful of what emotions reaching out to him would garner. A few texts here and there, a missed call or two from him that you just couldn’t answer. 

You missed him. You missed him more than words could ever suffice. And going back home to visit just hasn’t been possible since you left. Finances, time– neither of which you have enough of. 

You’d managed to keep busy enough that you hadn’t had the chance to let yourself feel the things you’d really needed to feel. 

“It’s complicated, but he-“ You paused as the tears welled up in your eyes again. “He used to play for me every night before bed. My mom hasn’t been in the picture since I was little and this was his way of calming me down, helping soothe my night terrors..” You took a deep breath before you continued.

“He was always busy, trying to maintain a single father's single income household so he taught me how to tune the guitars by ear that sat in my room so that when it was time for him to play music before I went to sleep, he didn’t have to take the extra time to tune them..”

“When I told him I wanted to get into music though, that I wanted to learn how to play he got mad at me. He stopped playing for me, he took the guitars and hid them from me,” you sniffled but then giggled as the pain rose in your chest, fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. “I will never forget the day I found one of the guitar cases in the basement and he grounded my ass for weeks and then removed them from the house completely.” 

“Oh Clover..” Jake began to speak but you cut him off. 

“You should’ve seen his face when I told him this is what I was doing and he couldn’t stop me. That I was going to move to Nashville and pursue a degree in music. He practically disowned me. Kicked me out of the fucking house he was so upset with me.” 

Tears were now flowing freely down your cheeks and you watched as Jake lifted a few fingers to swipe them away. 

“I went back a week later with my best friend at the time and packed up my shit into my little car and made for Nashville the same day. A lot of harsh words were exchanged between us, many I know we both regret. I went to Nash without a plan and made something of myself but never fully patched things up with my father. And unfortunately,” you paused a moment and sighed as Jake swiped another free falling tear off of your cheek. “I have not been able to get the funds to go home and see him yet. We talk every once in a while, yes but he sucks with technology. Literally repels it!” You giggle. “But fuck I miss him. I wish he could see all this..” 

“Jesus Clover, I’m so sorry..” Jake stood up in front of you and practically picked you up into a hug, his hand cradling the back of your head as your arms wrapped tightly around him. 

You breathed in Jake’s cologne, feeling safe in his arms, “It’s alright I guess. I accomplished my dream and he and I have talked over the last couple of years and while I know he’s not pleased with me being in the music industry, he has expressed that he is proud of what I have made for myself back in Nashville. It just sucks because I haven’t been able to go home and see him.” 

Jake pulled away and rested his hands against your cheeks, “Were going to change that Clover. Once this tour is over, once we have our next break, we’ll get the first flight possible and I will take you home. I promise.” 

Tears began spilling down your cheeks, only this time instead of pain you felt happiness.

“Jake, are-are you sure?” 

“Course I’m sure Clove. Anything to see you smile!” 

You squealed in delight and wrapped your arms around Jake again as he laughed softly. Your impulse was running wild as you pulled back from the hug and wrapped your hand around the back of his head. His eyes grew wide for a moment before he felt your lips crash against his. His fingers tightened on your waist and your lips that had once been pressed roughly against his, adjusted slightly to make the kiss more soft, more grateful. 

You pulled back a moment later, reminded of where you both were. “Shit, I’m sorry!” You giggled as you looked up at him. 

He smiled back down at you and leaned forward, giving you a soft pack before pulling away again, “No apologies necessary Clover.” 

“Hey, you ever listened to any of our music other than what you hear on stage?” He asks as you two separate from each other. He leaned down, picking up the guitar that he had laid next to him and sat back down on the coffee table. You watched as you mirrored his potion again on the couch as he balanced it on his lap. He began to softly retune a few of the strings to match the chord he was looking for. 

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t had the chance.” 

He hums softly as he plucks two of the strings and closes his eyes smiling at the tone he had achieved. “Clover is like to tell you about a song called Broken Bells. It reminds me of hope in the darkest of times and I think this would be a great song for you, as a reminder to remain hopeful even when you feel like there’s no hope left.” 

You watch as he pulls a pick from his jeans pocket and balances it between his teeth. You watch in wonder as his fingers begin to slowly dance across the frets in front of you, the most beautiful melody ringing through the air. You envied him slightly that he could make such a beautiful sound from an instrument. Your heart leapt in your throat as Jake pulled the little black pick from between his lips and took a soft breath and began to sing softly, 

“I can see the faces through the broken glass..” 

September 10th. 

Washington D.C.

You would think that a day off meant relaxing, catching up on sleep for the young musicians. Majority of the time you were lucky enough that was the case and your phone was pretty silent for most of the day and you had the opportunity to catch up on missed sleep or that book you've been reading. You had arrived at the hotel around midday in D.C. fully prepared for a warm shower and a comfortable bed as it had been another sleepless night for you on the bus.

You sighed as the bus came to a halt and you swung your backpack over your left shoulder. Thankfully you had been able to sneak off the bus before any of the guys took notice. They had been arguing over who knows what in the open space above you in the upper deck of the bus. You had immediately avoided the space as you felt a migraine coming on from your lack of slumber. 

You were on auto pilot mode as you strolled through the hotel lobby and quickly checked into your room, thankful that Rose had booked you a room of your own for once and also grateful that she had let you sneak ahead of everyone else knowing how exhausted you were. As you stepped under the hot water in the white walled shower, you took your time combing the conditioner through your hair, exfoliating and shaving every inch of your body. Your body moved in slow motion when you stepped out and wrapped yourself in a white fluffy towel. You silently pouted to yourself as you grabbed your bottle of lotion, wanting nothing more than to go lay down but refusing to half ass your shower routine when you felt like you rarely had the time to complete it. 

The very moment your head hit the white pillow you felt your body relax fully and succumb to sleep. 

***

You didn't know what time it was or where you even were for a moment. All you knew is it was dark and you were very cold. You groaned softly as you rolled over and grabbed your phone off of the nightstand next to the bed.

Jake K.  12:23 AM

Hey, you alive over there Clover? 

You turned over in bed again, sitting up a bit. You were happy you got some much needed rest but you were now wide awake of course, and hungry. You pulled up the keyboard on your phone to respond to Jake.

You 1:34 AM

Possibly. 

Jake K. 1:35 AM

Well that's good to hear. Get some much needed rest I presume?

Oh, he's still awake..

You 1:37 AM

Oh no I've just been sitting in my room staring at the wall for the last 12 hours or so

Jake K. 1:37 AM

Watch the attitude Clover…

You 1:40 AM 

Or what..

Why are you awake anyways?

Jake K. 1:46 AM

Inspiration struck me as I was out on the town an hour or so ago

You 1:50 AM 

Anything good?

You laid back in bed, smiling softly at your phone awaiting that little text bubble to pop up on your screen.

A soft knock sounded at your door a few minutes later, so faint that you almost thought your brain could be playing tricks on you. You crept over to the door and looked through the peephole, seeing Jake’s face scanning the hallway behind him. Your heart sped up in anticipation. What the fuck was he doing here. 

You cracked open the door, and peaked around the side of it. “Jake?” You whispered. 

“Hey Clover,” he whispered back, smirk tugging at the side of his mouth. “Can I come in?” 

Your heart said yes but your head screamed no. Yet the devil on your shoulder won the almost nonexistent battle as you stepped to the side and gleefully watched him waltz into your hotel room at  2 am. This was not going to end well, this went against everything you’ve been avoiding for the last couple of weeks. 

Jake stopped by the door and smirked at you as you slowly closed it shut and latched the deadbolt, clearly reading the conflict written all over your face. 

“What’sa matter Clove?” 

Oh he was slurring a bit. Your eyes snapped to his face and you could clearly see the droopy, red shot eyes and the smirk he couldn’t wipe off his face. Of course he smoked.

You crossed your arms against your chest, your own protection mechanism. “Just wondering what you’re doing here so late is all.” 

“I wanted to see you.” He whispered as he tucked a few pieces of hair behind your ear. You felt like butter on a hot summer's day left out in the sun, you were absolutely done for. 

“Oh,” you squeaked out. “Why?” 

“Does there really need to be a reason why?” His eyebrows furrowed. 

“There’s always a why..” 

“Let’s not worry about that right now, yeah?” He asked, grabbing your hand softly and leading you further into your own room. Your sanctuary that he was currently disturbing. “I just wanted to see you, talk to you in person instead of texting. Plain and simple.” 

He sat down on the plush couch that the luxury hotel offered in each room, gesturing you to do the same. Your arms had recrossed as you watched him get comfortable. 

Kick him out Y/N…

“You uh, would you like something to drink?” 

Okay, that’s not… 

He smiled up at you, teeth showing ever so slightly between his soft pink lips. “I’d love to have something, yeah. Whatcha got?” 

“Not too sure, I didn't really check out the room earlier.” You walked over to the mini fridge tucked away in the corner, very aware that his gaze had not left your body since the moment he stepped into the room. You leaned down and opened the door, “Well, I don’t have anything exciting really. Just water, sparkling water, and it looks like ginger ale.” 

“Sparkling water if you don’t mind.” 

You grabbed a bottle for him and regular water for yourself and walked back across the room. You handed him the bottle which he took and popped the cap on immediately and took a long sip, eyes never leaving your face as you made the move to sit down opposite him. “Hmm-mm!” He shook his head and his eyebrows furrowed as he pulled the bottle away from his lips. “No, c’mere.” 

He patted his right thigh. 

“Huh?” He caught you off guard. 

“Sit on my lap Y/N,” His legs spread ever so slightly. “I wanna be close to you.” 

Damn him and your heart for following his orders so easily. 

“Jake I-,” There goes the so-called angel on your shoulder. 

He lifted his eyebrows at you. “What Y/N?” 

“You-you’re intoxicated aren’t you?” You still stood in front of him, arms crossed against your chest. 

He took another swig of the water, you watched closely as his pink lips made contact with the bottle and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Just a little high is all Clover. I’m perfectly aware of what is going on if that’s what you’re so concerned about.” He smirked at you, itching the side of his nose and then spread himself out a little further on the couch. His arm resting on the pillows next to him and opening his legs in your direction, that smirk growing as he watched your eyes trail down to his crotch. Your cheeks went aflame as you realized you were caught once again. 

He was so devastatingly good looking. You could feel your body pulling yourself closer to him. Needing to be closer to him. There was that devil on your shoulder…

Before you fully comprehended what was happening, your legs approached Jake for you. He smirked up at you as his arms welcomed you. You sat as softly as you could on top of his thigh that was pressing up against the arm of the couch. His hand and arm snaked under both of your legs, propping you up against him on the couch. 

“Hmm, much, much better.” A soft British accent poured from his mouth, soft and saccharine. 

Your arm snaked around his shoulders to help balance yourself as he had one arm across your back and, to your demise, one hand propped up against your knee already softly grazing the skin there. 

“Talk to me little Clover,” his mouth was so close to your skin. “How was your day today?” 

There go his fingers, you thought as they lightly started grazing the inside of your knee. 

“Oh, uhm..it was good, you know I caught up on a lot of sleep, so.” 

“Yeah I know, but do you feel like you’re settling in well?” 

Lower, and softer his fingers went across your inner thigh now. His other hand pulling up your sleep shirt to reach the skin, oh…

“Yeah!” You squeaked. “Everyone is so, uhm, nice.” 

“Hmm,” his eyes lingered down from your face to your cleavage. 

You couldn’t help yourself anymore, you felt like you were going to explode. “Jake.” You practically moaned out as his fingers dipped along the hem of your sleep shorts again. When exactly he had moved that low again, you hadn’t a clue. 

“Yes Y/N?” 

Fuck it. 

“Kiss me.”

“I thought you'd never ask.” He smirked. 

His arm that was holding onto your waist snaked up to the back of your neck and pulled your head closer to his as he smashed his lips against yours. You moaned against his lips ever so softly. You missed the feeling of how soft and prominent his bottom lip was compared to the top, you missed the feeling of his teeth chasing your lips giving you soft nibbles and God fuck did you miss the drag of his warm tongue against your own. 

His hand that was grazing your inner thigh moved up and grabbed across your ribcage to your dismay, but the slight tinge of pain as he grabbed at you with his hands was welcomed. Your hand snaked up across his neck and grabbed into his hair, how badly you wanted to do this he really hadn’t a clue. 

Neither of you made the move to come up for air as the kiss between the two of you became wet and sloppy, the sounds of lips smacking against each other filling the hotel room. You felt Jake smirk against your lips before he slowly began to slow down the kiss to pecks between you to then pulling away. 

“Clover, you have no idea what the fuck you do to me.” His voice came out husky and soft, his eyelids still half open and the softest grin on his now almost red, wet lips. 

“Show me.” You said, confidently. All inhibitions out the window. 

“Oh Y/N,” he whispered as he tilted your head slightly away from him. He placed the softest kiss against that sweet spot where your ear met your jaw. You gasped as he began trailing down the side of your throat. “Jake,” you started, almost breathless as his lips trailed up along your neck and then back up to that sweet spot below your ear. 

“Shhh..” 

“Is this a good idea?” Your mind suddenly panics. 

He pulled back, the expression in his eyes unreadable. “Nothing involving me is ever a good idea Clover.” 

You watched as he licked both of his lips trying to read you, his fingertips tracing a light circle along the inside of your thigh that was propped up against him. “We can stop.” 

The logic in your head screamed yes, but your weeping core protested. You both stared at each other for a moment, you could tell he was trying to get a read on you. You focused on the furrow in his forehead, the curve of his nose, the soft trail of hair regrowing on his upper lip and then the shape of those soft lips you wish would never part from yours. Fuck it, you thought again.  

“Jake I-.” 

“Yes Clover?” 

“I want you.” Your eyes snapped to his finally, holding his gaze. 

“Are you sure?” 

You nodded your head softly and bit your lip. His finger quickly moved to pull your bottom lip from its hold between your teeth. “I need to hear you say it again. Tell me exactly what you want.” 

“I want you Jake,” you paused, feeling shy. “I want you to fuck me.”  

Jake smirked and gripped onto your hips, moving you so you were now strangling his lap and looking down at him. Your eyes grew wide as you realized he was already rock hard, pressing against your core. 

He kissed you softly. One peck turned into two which then turned into your original pace of clashing teeth and smacking lips. 

You felt his fingertips begin to drag up underneath your sleep shirt, grazing your ribs softly as you moaned into his mouth. 

“Dont stop making those sweet sounds for me baby.” 

Your sleep shirt was gently pulled off your body and thrown behind you. “Oh Jesus,” Jake paused to stare at your tits, perfectly sitting against your chest. “Can I?” He gestured to them, eyes snapping across your face looking for any hesitation in your features. 

“All yours Jake.” You smirked at him. 

“Fuck..” he moaned. You felt as his lips circled perfectly around one of your nipples, his tongue flicking against the hard bud as his hands roughly squeezed them together. 

The feeling alone caused the hair on the back of your neck to stand at attention. You moaned softly and ran your fingers through his hair, scratching against his scalp softly as he switched to the other breast, giving it the same attention as the last. 

A slight nip caused you to hiss, then softly turn into a moan as he soothed the pain with his tongue again. His soft brown and bloodshot eyes snapped up to your face and he began to pull away. 

“How’s that my Clover?” His fingertips kneaded both of your nipples at once, before pulling them roughly causing another gasping moan to come out of your mouth and your head to tip back slightly. 

“Hmm, thought so..” 

His head dipped again to reconnect with your breasts when you pulled on his hair softly to stop him, his eyebrows furrowing at your action. 

“What's wrong?” 

“More Jake..” 

You grabbed one of his hands confidently and guided him back to the waistband of your sleep shorts, “Please.” 

He smirked at you, a condescending grin spreading across his face, “Someone’s needy.” 

Your skin felt like it was on fire as he re-traced his way across your waistband, dipping his fingertips underneath the elastic band and lower against the mound of your pelvis. 

He giggled softly, “Don’t think for a second Clover that you are in charge, you just happen to be lucky enough that I feel just as needy for you right now.” 

His voice was gravely and the hair on your arms stood at attention as the feeling of his fingertips dipped between your folds cautiously. 

“Oh fuuck Y/N,” he moaned, fingers dipping lower through your wetness as he eyes followed where his hand was hidden away. “You’re so fucking wet.” 

You leaned your forehead against his, “All your fault.” 

Your head tipped back suddenly as you felt his fingertips circle against that soft spot you loved on your clit and then quickly dipped down to your entrance, sliding two fingers into you easily. The stretch of his fingers felt like heaven. You became immediately addicted to the feeling of Jake stretching you out. You were convinced for a moment as his fingers curled slightly that you would be satisfied like this for the night. His fingertips curled with more purpose as the breath was stolen from your lungs, the delicious pressure against that hidden spot tucked away inside of you. 

He clearly had other ideas as he flipped you over on the couch quickly. You let out a breathless laugh as you felt him rip your sleep shirt away from your body. Your chest was left balancing against the arm of the couch as you listened to the soft clink of his belt coming loose and his own shirt and pants were ripped away from his body. 

“Oh my fuckin God Y/N. You look fucking perfect like this for me.” He moaned. You could feel his fingers drag slowly up your spine and  across the back of your neck. You whimper as he twists his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and pulls your head up roughly. You gasp and clench around nothing at the sensation as you feel his lips graze your ear, “This never happened, got it?” 

You didn’t have the time nor the mental capacity to understand what his words had really meant in the moment, you were blinded by pure lust. 

You did your best to twist your head to the side and you flashed him an almost evil smile, “Yes Sir.” 

He was fucked. 

He knew in that moment there was no forgetting this moment like he had originally planned. He knew deep down he would crave your body more and more each day he didn’t get to touch you like this. You were now the most addicting drug on the planet. 

As he dragged himself against your wetness already on the brink of ecstasy, fingers still bound tightly in your hair, he knew there wouldn't be any turning back. The gasping moan that came out of your plush, sweet mouth signed and sealed his fate in a matter of a second as he began to push himself inside of you. 

Your brain felt like fuzz as you felt him stretch you out slowly. The goosebumps that raised across your skin, and the tingling feeling in your core as you felt him push all the way inside of you was unlike anything you had experienced before. Maybe you would blame the gummy you had consumed prior to him coming over unbeknownst to him. Maybe you will blame the fact that it was simply just Jake. You wished so badly you could see his face as you heard him softly whimper behind you as he pushed himself as far as he could reach inside of you, applying the most delicious pressure against your cervix. 

His mouth dropped down against your ear once more, “Holy fuck Clover. You feel like fucking heaven.” 

You were putty in his hands at this point. As he pulled himself out and pushed back in cautiously, the feeling of him filling you up made your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Oh fuck..” You moaned. 

“Oh Jesus.” 

He pulled out and roughly slammed himself back into you again, eliciting a loud whimper from you. “Oh god Jake.” 

“Shh little Clover, hush now.” He said softly against your ear before pushing you against the arm of the couch. While he hadn’t moved much just yet, you already knew this position was about to push you over the edge quicker than either of you had expected. His hand that had roughly grabbed your hair now released and the pressure against your scalp diminished. The pain turned into soft pleasure fast as you felt him softly push your hair to the side so he could see your face. “Try and stay quiet baby.” 

You nodded as he pulled out and slammed back into you, your eyes going wide as you realized just how deep he truly was. 

He dragged in an out of you over and over and over again. He wasn’t gentle about it either. His full strokes made you feel like you were empty and full simultaneously. 

“Oh fuck Y/N, your pussy is-..ahhh fuck.” 

Oh, so he was a talker. 

All you could focus on was the feeling of him hitting your cervix, the delicious drag of him against your walls, the feeling of his fingertips flexing against your hips pulling you back against him and the sound of his necklaces hitting his chest in time with his thrusts. 

His pace sped up for a moment and you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore, “oh fuuuuhck Jake, yes yes please…” 

A loud crack rang out against the walls of the hotel room and you felt the burning sting of his hand print on your ass. 

“Fuck yes Clover, you look so fucking pretty like this. All wrapped around me so tight, fuck” 

You glanced back at him as best as you could from your position and immediately wished you hadn’t. He was focused on watching himself fuck you roughly, his eyebrows tipped up, his lips in the softest O shape. Almost as if he couldn’t believe it was happening. You clenched around him at the sight and his nose wrinkled on the side. A few pieces of his hair were now sticking to the side of his face. 

His eyes snapped up to your face, the sight of pure lust in his eyes was unfathomable. He pulled out suddenly and you whimpered at the sensation of feeling empty. 

“C'mere baby,” Jake pulled you up by your torso and promptly flipped you around on your back. “I want to see your face when we cum together.” 

Oh…

“Jake please..” 

His eyes focused back down onto your core as he dragged himself along you. The second his pushed past the threshold of your entrance his lidded eyes snapped back to your face. 

This angle sure was different, you immediately felt an even more pleasurable pressure dragging against your walls. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a moan. Your eyes opening briefly as Jake’s hips began to snap against yours once more. The sight of his torso snapping against yours, the feeling of his finger tips gripping against your upper thighs. The fucking sound of his necklaces slamming back and forth against his chest. Not to mention the fucking expression on his face again. This same eyebrows furrowed again and the softest pout in his lips. You watched as he scrunched his nose again and again as he thrusted harder, faster, deeper.  

“Oh god dammit Jake!” You squeaked, your hands moving down to hold onto his thighs. 

He was hitting that hidden spot tucked away so secretly inside of you, you forgot it had even existed. He thrusted with such force that you could feel your body start to lose control and your legs begin to shake. 

“Oh fuck Jake I think I’m gonna cum soon…” 

His eyes snapped up to yours and he gave you the most evil looking smile. “Yeah Clover? You gonna cum all over my cock like a good girl? You gonna give it to me?” 

“Yes, yes Jake yes.” 

One of his hands released its grip on your thigh and trailed down to your clit, hard and waiting for some kind of stimulation. The second his thumb swiped against it briefly your back arched and you let out a long, breathless moan. His thumb only quickened its pace as soon as he felt you clench tightly around him. 

“Oh god yes Y/N,” his thrusts had not given in. His sweat was now dripping down his face, his chest. Just like when he played on stage.

“I’m there Jake, oh fuck yes I’m right there..” 

It started in your toes. 

It expanded to strictly your core. 

Then it traveled up throughout the rest of your body. 

Your eyesight went dark and you just heard ringing in your ears as the most intense orgasm ripped its way through your body. 

“Oh my god Y/N, yesss. You’re clenching me so tight. Please don’t stop, don’t fucking stop baby. I’m right here with you.” 

You could barely hear the praise from Jake over the ringing in your own ears. You felt your core try its hardest to clench around him but struggled due to his size. 

His thrusts became sloppy and slowed down and the most beautiful moan slipped past his lips. You hadn’t yet fully come down as he ripped himself from you and threw his head back with pleasure as you felt him release across your stomach. 

It took you both a moment to catch your breath. Your eyes finally met and you both smiled at each other, one huffing a laugh and the other giggling softly. 

“Holy shit.” You said. 

“Yeah, holy shit indeed Clover.” 

Jake leaned down and pressed a soft peck to your lips that you graciously reciprocated. 

“Hang tight darling, let me get something to clean you up.” 

You watched as Jake stepped back into his boxers, forgoing the sweatpants he had originally brought and walked away towards the bathroom. He made it back over to you pretty quickly and knelt down next to you. “Sorry about the mess.” He huffed a laugh as he dragged the warm washcloth against his release on your stomach..

You laughed out loud, “Jake! Oh my god!” 

“What!” He winked playfully at you. 

“Shut up!” 

“Awfully rude to say to someone who’s taking care of you.” He threw the rag on the opposite side of the room and kissed your temple. 

“Cmon Y/N,” he reached out his hand. “Come lay down with me.” 

You took his hand graciously and let him lead you to the side of the bed that was already slightly messed up due to your occupancy before he disturbed it. You laid down fully and allowed him to tuck you into the white bedding of the hotel bed. He placed a kiss softly on your forehead and leaned over to switch off the lamp next to you. 

You were engulfed in the dark, minus the little light from one of the plugs across the room. 

“Wait! Jakey..” You sat up as you heard him walk across the room. 

“What's wrong Clover?” 

“Please,” you said softly. “Please don’t leave me.” 

You felt the sheets pull back next to you and the bed dip with his weight. You laid back down against the pillow and waited for him to get adjusted. 

“C'mere lovey.” Jake's soft voice cut through the silent room. You scooted over to his side of the bed and found his arms already played open for you, welcoming your body against his. He tucked you under his chin, the scent of his cologne radiating off of his sweaty skin. The feeling of his heartbeat against your nose. 

“Get some sleep Clover, I don’t want you all crabby tomorrow.” 

“Shut up Jake.” You both giggled. 

September 11th 

STARCATCHER

Washington D.C. 

When you awoke in the morning, the sun was already peering through the curtains in the hotel room giving a soft glow to the walls around you. You stretched slightly and felt a slight ache in your muscles to which you grimaced. 

You were reminded of last night's late events and you quickly turned over to find your bed empty. 

Immediate disappointment radiated through your chest and your fear that something went wrong plagued your mind. 

Of course he wouldn’t stay with you. Of course he couldn’t stay with you. 

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and turned over in search of your phone that was lost amongst the tangled sheets. It was show day, you had to make sure you weren’t running late. Sitting up in bed for a moment you immediately noticed the scent of Jake’s cologne now embedded onto your skin and in your hair. You took a moment to run your fingers through one side of your hair and subconsciously lifted a few strands to your nose and breathed in. The smoky amber and bergamot invading your senses. 

You ran your hands along the sheets and along the edges of your pillows in search of your phone, which proved to be successful. You clicked your screen alive, 9:34 AM. 

Shit. Shit! You were so late… 

You scrambled out of bed and completed a half ass morning routine, grabbing a single granola bar on the way out of your hotel room door. You couldn’t focus on anything else, not even what had occurred between you and Jake as your hands shook trying to reach out to one of the runners to come get you and take you to the venue. You had never, ever been late getting to the venue the morning of a show and of course it was the night after you hooked up with the lead guitarist. 

Arriving at the venue about 20 minutes later, you ran up to Rose immediately who looked slightly displeased with you and gathered her list of a few things to gather for the day. You had made your way to Jake’s dressing room, following the labeled songs from the team along the hallways and let out a soft breath as you pushed through the door. 

You dropped your bag off on one of the chairs and made eye contact with Jake across the room, the tension and anxiety in your chest easing slightly as you acknowledged that you were with your comfort person. 

“You snuck out this morning,” you smirked, a playful tone hinting in your voice. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jake paused, his lips forming a tight line.“Listen, Y/N..”

Your heart dropped instantly in your chest at the tone of his voice and lack of nickname he used to frequently with you. This wasn’t good.. 

You felt your heart skip a beat, the sweat beginning to pour from your palms, the-..

“Hey Y/N?” Nick popped his head into the room, hand gripping the side of the door. “Can I speak with you for a moment?” 

Your heart sank even further, this couldn’t be good. You had a keen sense for the tone of people’s voice, their body language, blame it on your past experiences I guess. And this was a double whammy.

“Uh, yeah sure.” You followed him closely, not a word spoken between the two of you as you followed him into an isolated room and he closed the door. 

“Listen, these conversations are never easy,” 

Your heart sped up as he crossed his arms and leaned against a table opposite from where you were standing. “Would you like to fill me in on what’s going on with Jake?” 

For a moment you were confused, had he been acting differently? Was there something you were supposed to report back? 

It finally clicked.

“What do you mean?” This couldn’t be true.

“What I mean is, someone has filled me in that Jake was leaving your hotel room at 5 am this morning. Care to elaborate?” 

Fuck. 

The room suddenly became a blur. You indeed, had been caught. Your mouth opened for a moment but you had no idea how to cover up what had happened, you knew your face turning beat red was giving you away by the second.

“Jake just needed something last minute he-..had called me and requested that I-..”

“You can save the excuses,” Nick held up a hand and you shut your mouth real quick. Your heartbeat is still loudly pounding in your ears. “I will only say this once. This is your first and final warning. If I or anyone else catches you with Jake alone past your normal hours without my knowledge either prior to or if you need to “assist him” late at night, I will be sending you on a plane home the very next day. Do we understand each other?” 

Your head bowed. How could you have been so stupid to let yourself get caught. This could end your career that you had been working so hard on building. 

“I understand.” 

“Great,” Nick uncrossed his arms and walked towards the door holding it open for you. “I will be keeping a close eye Y/N.” 

You exited the room and it felt like your world came crashing down on you all of a sudden. Your chest felt tight as you tried to take a deep breath and calm yourself down. You couldn’t believe you had let things go as far as they did, you barely even knew Jake when you really thought about it. Why did you let it go this far…and he just, left? Was he thinking the same thing? Were you just some random hook up to him? You felt like you were just an easy target..

You turned the corner and made your way back to  Jake’s dressing room, intent on grabbing your things and making haste to one of the runner so you could get the fuck out and do your job. You wanted to make yourself sparse from anyone, especially Jake who had clearly started to act weird towards you. You hated that the first thought in your head had been the realization that of course he would be acting weird after hooking up. That's probably all he wanted from you in the first place…You knew he was busy with his tech at the moment so he wouldn’t be in his greenroom right now. You definitely had the ability to sneak out for the day until you got close to soundcheck.

You dipped into the dressing room and closed the door behind you taking a moment to close your eyes and let out the breath you had been holding, head thudding against the back of the door. You were thankful for a moment of peace…

“Uh, can I help you?” 

A voice rang out from across the room. Your eyes snapped open at the sound of a woman’s voice. You made eye contact with a short brunette sitting on a stool not far from where you were standing. 

Who the hell..? 

You had suddenly found your voice after a moment, “Who are you? Do you have a pass?” 

The mystery woman snapped her gum out of clear annoyance and she pulled a pass card from her hip, “Clearly, who are you?” 

“I’m Y/N, I’m Jake’s assistant.” 

You watched as she looked you up and down, “Mmm.” She hummed and snapped her gum  before turning her attention back to her phone. “Can you go find him for me? Hes been gone a little while and left me waiting for a bit.” 

“Okay but who are-“ 

“Do you understand English?” Mystery bitch snapped. “Go. Find. Jake.” 

You couldn’t handle this. Not after that conversation with Nick. You spun out the door quickly as you could after grabbing your backpack in the corner. You desperately needed a moment alone. And to hell with finding Jake you needed to steer clear of him at this point. You needed clarity and you needed to ground yourself just for a moment outside. 

Your eyes started welling up with tears as your emotions began to overwhelm your system. You panicked a bit, you needed a moment of fucking peace. Unfortunately for you, Jake had spotted you from across the hall. He had been talking to Scott and while you two didn’t get a chance to finish your conversation from earlier, he gave you a curt smile. His expression quickly turned into a frown as he realized that you were upset and you realized he had abandoned his conversation and quickly began to walk towards you. “Y/N?”

Fuck. Get away from him. Get away now. 

You turned a corner and then another corner and then another, hoping that Jake eventually wouldn't be able to see where you had dipped off so quickly. You could still hear him calling your name, trying to push past people and curtains and crates to get to you. His voice finally sounded like it had disappeared just as the first tear fell from your right eye and you unfortunately had slammed into someone. 

“Woah!” 

Sammy. 

He gripped your shoulders to steady you and immediately you felt the tears begin to pour out of your eyes streaming down your cheeks at a rapid rate. “Y/N! What’s wrong?!” 

“There’s a girl,” you try to swallow but nothing was going down. “In-in Jake’s dressing room, I don’t know who she is but she has a pass. I'm just confused because I haven’t seen her, but I don’t know. I think I’m just-..She just caught me off guard and I’m just feeling overwhelmed and the moment and I just needed some fresh air an-..” 

“Woah slow down Y/N, what does she look like?” Sam’s fingers gripped your shoulders a little tighter. 

“Long brown hair, pretty..” 

“Oh shit,” He paused, the hands that were gripping your shoulders fell to his sides. “Jake’s girlfriend must be here…”

****************************************************

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[hannieehaee]

Out of pure curiosity you do think in seventeen is most likely to settle down first or at least prioritize a private relationship over their careers as idols. I've been thinking about it and I definitely think leader line/jeonghan would be the least and Joshua cuz of yk :/ but then members like jun/mingyu/wonwoo/vernon/minghao seem to me to he the type where they'd sacrifice their career not because they care less but give priority to things outside being an idol. Chan and seungkwan is either/or for me - seungkwan cause of how long he's been in the spotlight acting as a promoter for seventeen and Chan cause he seems to be the ambitious "chase two girls (dreams) lose the one" type. But then again I think this also kinda reflects which members would be willing to go solo...the members who'd priorize not having relationships would be the members to least go solo and the members who would I can totally see as going solo. Sorry for the long ask btw😅

omg this is such an interesting question and i've honestly thought about this before. ima make a most to least to put their relationship before their career (this is just from my own personal read on them from what we've publicly seen of their personalities) personally i think theyd all probably find a way to work through hardships and keep it going as long as possible instead of ever ending a committed relationship due to their careers but gonna rate them all anyway lmao

a/n: this was just word vomit so its not proofread

most

wonwoo - he seems to value his personal life a lot to a point where he wouldn't let anything get in the way, never shying away from expressing how much he cares for his loved ones. he knows the value of his personal life, meaning he would likely place it at a higher level of importance than his career. he seems to really enjoy being an idol, though, so this would probably be a very difficult decision. i think if it really came down to it, he'd pick his s/o over his career as an idol, or would at least prioritize it more.

vernon - he seems very family oriented. i think he once said one of his dreams was to be a dad, so i think if he saw that future with his s/o, he would pick his s/o over career as an idol. he's had a long run as a public figure, even dating back to when he was a child. he wouldnt wanna risk his personal relationship for his idol career, no matter how much he loves it.

minghao - has never shied away from drawing lines in between his personal life and his public one as an idol. he gives me the vibe of a romantic and he's also very family oriented. he would likely wanna find a love like that of his parents, so he would probably see that with his s/o and prioritize the future of the relationship over anything else.

mingyu - he seems veryyyy used to his privacy being invaded (stalkers constantly calling him; seemingly more so than other members), so i think he'd be good at handling anything that came hurdling at his personal life, meaning there would probably never be a need for him to feel like he has to choose BUT if he realllyyyy had to pick, he'd pick his s/o. he adores his loved ones and is one of the most caring people, so he'd pick his s/o without a second thought.

seokmin - he's boyfriend personified, so i think if be fell in love he'd fall HARD, meaning that he would willingly give anything up for his s/o. loves his idol life so much but he loves his family twice as much (with his s/o being family to him ofc), so he would propritize them in a heartbeat, never regretting his choice.

seungkwan - he's such a loving person. he loves so many people and he loves so hard, i think he'd be unable to part ways with his s/o if his career got in the way. he loves being an entertainer to a fault, though, so i think he'd try really hard to find a loophole in there to not risk his relationship with his s/o and still keep his entertainer career intact. if it came down to one or the two, though, he'd let his heart guide him.

seungcheol - he doesnt show his romantic side that often (at least publicly) but he seems like he'd be a very dependable s/o, which makes me think that he would never drop his s/o bc of his job. he made a promise to stay by their side, so he's not letting anything get in the way. he's the leader, though, so he would never wanna leave his boys in an uncomfortable position due to his personal life. would be an extremely difficult point of tension, but he'd know that he'd always have his boys even if his career went down under.

jun - even with all the scrutiny he got as an idol for taking on a role where he was very affectionate, he still did it out of his passion for acting. in the same way, he would also fight for your relationship no matter the repercussions to his strict idol career. he seems like he'd be a bit more level headed and less emotional than the aforementioned members though. i think he'd be willing to take a break with his s/o in order to work through things, not giving up his career but also keeping a door open for a future with his s/o.

jeonghan - he's a very family oriented person and seems super protective over them, so i think he'd be the same with his s/o. only reason why i put him so down on the list is because i dont think this would be too much of an emotional thing for him. i dont think he would ever be in a position where he had to give up his relationship. he would just work his way around it somehow. would either take a break with his s/o or take a break from his career OR just work through any and every hurdle that comes his way. as cliche as it may sound, he'd cheat his way through the situation to not have to permanently give up anything.

joshua - feel kinda bad commenting on him considering his current situation, but i think he'd find a balance somehow, just like jeonghan. even if he went through horrible scrutiny, i think he would just somehow work it out and keep it together, even if it was all completely out of control. he comes from a small family, so i think letting anyone into his family must be insanely intimate and personal to him, which makes me think he just wouldnt be willing to let anything get in the way. he's also worked too hard for his career and loves his boys too much (he moved from a whole other country and found safe haven in svt) so i think he also wouldnt be willing to give that up.

woozi - his career is what he breathes. hes known for being a workaholic, creating almost the entirety of svt's discography from scratch. not only would he not wanna give up or risk his passion for making music, but he would never wanna leave his group without the stability that he brings to the group. he's a very loving guy, though, even if he's not too expressive about it. he wrote circles for wonwoo and yawn for kwan, showing how much he cares for them, which makes me think he'd feel a similar love for his s/o. would maybe take a break, or find some way to balance both out. would likely put his career above a relationship if it really came down to it though.

chan - he's young so i think he'd be more interested in his career right now than ever risking it for an s/o. i fee like he's least likely to be in a long and committed relationship rn too, considering the tightness of his schedule and the fact he's at the height of his career. this would probably come easier to him than most members, having probably not been in love yet in order to really make it a difficult choice.

soonyoung - he seems way too in love with his career to let anything get in the way. the amount of dedication he's always put on his career tells me he wouldnt let anything get in the way. although he would be emotional about it and do anything be could to not let it get in the way of his romantic relationships, i think he would still be most likely out of all members to actually end his relationship if it really came down to it. he's said before he'd like to try solo stuff someday, so i think he's more willing to put his career before anything else.

a/n: this isnt meant to be a fic lol i was just rlly interested in the question u brought up anon haha

[eclipse-rain]

Fwel Tsaheylu (Broken Bond) Part 4

☆☆☆

Part 1 •Part 2 •Part 3

Masterlist~

Once when i was younger i had an accident.

I did something wrong.

What it was is hardly relevent now, insignificant as it was, but at the time it felt as if my small world was collapsing.

My eldest brother, the one i was the weakest to, ended up fixing the situation and my parents never found out it had ever taken place. But to this day my heart still races whenever someone questions how i got the faint scar on the palm of my hand.

As a child who accidentally cut my hand with a blade my first instinct should have been to cry, to ask for help, to tell my mom or dad.

My first instinct instead, was to hide.

To hide my problem. To hide my mistake, my imperfection.

We hide when we dont feel safe. When being seen was unsafe.

As a young uneducated child I somehow felt that sharing my authentic emotion was not going to be safe.

Authenticity and attachment are two equally important needs for a child but if they had to pick one or the other a child would most likely sacrifice authenticity to keep attachment.

This is because we need attachment from our caregivers as children for survival.

This is shown even in animals. Show any kind of weakness and you could be abandoned by your flock. Or in my case, my family and or clan, my safety net.

Mabey this is the cause for the way i distenced myself from anything my young self deemed wrong, unworthy.

My cause for distencing myself from anything human.

If i look back on my younger self now i would not be able to find compassion for the person i was or the situation i endured.

However, if i pictured my siblings being in any of the same circumstances that would be a diffrent story.

You could wonder what happened to a child to make them feel so unsafe to show their own emotions and yet the answer wouldnt be a simple one. Neither would the healing process.

I dont know why or what any of this means, ive never been good at or able to read my own emotions properly.

But i had always been told in my clan that i had a certain air about me.

At first i thought this was because the other na'vi people in the clan thought i was more human like than na'vi, like how they thought of my twin brother. This thought was soon pushed away however because of how i would hear my grandmother often say the same thing about me to my mother and father.

I knew it ment something diffrent then because my grandmother would never say anything harmful about me, much less to my father who was once human before becoming one of the people and Toruk Macto.

Than again, this realization didnt help in figuring out what they had ment otherwise at all. I could only guess, only assume, but never confirm and i would not be one to ask.

I would not be a bother, i would not be a burden, i would not be unworthy of my parents love.

However when i landed on that warm silky sand. The sand of the metkayina clans bay where they dwelled i finally figured out what my previous clan members and grandmother had ment.

~~~

My family had gone ahead of me to the place the metkayina clan dwelled.

We had been forced to fly in last nights storm as we were only a little ways off from where the metkayina clan stayed and father wanted us to power through one last time. During this one of Tuks posessions had been blown away and in my haste i had promised her i would look for it after the storm had passed in an attempt to calm down the destraught child.

I was now flying solo on the calm warm wind currents beyond the reef trying to find the thing that i knew i had no chance of actually finding.

My father had reassured me before hand that we would find safety and a place to rest with the Metkayina people so that i would not need to fear being separated from them even if we did not arrive together.

I had the coordinates, the directions, the knowledge and the talent to handle myself. My mother had been worried and tried to do it herself or have Neteyam go instead but even she knew that at this stage everyone was exhausted from the extensive journey.

One we had never done before and hoped would never have to again. This was something my father was trying to reassure us of by finding a place within the Metkayina clan.

My father knew i would be fine, he knew i was capable of handling myself. I just hoped i believed in myself as much as he did about this.

When you grow up the way i did, in the forest, constantly surrouded by danger, constantly needing to be alert, you develope certain instincts. Gut feelings and sharper sences. I could pride myself on these instincts, the ones i had, they kept me safe and out of danger.

It was something that was built into my body through time, through trial and error. Watching and learning, learning from my mistakes and bettering myself. I may not be as connected with the forest as Kiri but i sure as hell made it so i would know what was going on around me when i was in it. To not only further improve myself to gain my parents aproval and recognition but also to protect myself and my siblings.

This was one of the main reasons my father was so addament to send me. Also because of the whole insident that made us all have to flee our home in the first place. The incident where my siblings were captured by humans in avatar bodies, putting knives to their throats and even going so far as to kidnap Spider who was also human.

If i had been with them at that time i would have, for one, been in my right mind as to not do something stupid like that, which might be the reason they didnt have me come along with them. And i also would have known especially to not bring Tuk along while doing it. But also i would have been able to sence something was wrong, that someone was coming. Hear twigs snapping in an unnatural way, the sound of footsteps indicating how many people were headed our way.

How heavy they were, how tall they were, if they were trying to sneak up on us all or not and which direcrion they were coming from. I would be able to sence all these things. I had taught myself to, spending countless hours alone in the forest training myself while also practicing everything my mother had taught me and everything i had witnessed while observing others, which i had absorbed like a sponge.

My father might have been giving me a chance to prove myself to my mother like how my brothers yearned to prove themselves to him. Rather, to me, i didnt think it would do much but tire me out even more than i already was. And if i was unlucky enough i could even get stranded if my bond with my ikran started acting up again.

Having said that, we were only a little ways off from our destination so this had put my mind at ease about doing it. It seemed to calm my mothers mind as well, who seemed the least willing to let me part with them. It was also reassuring to her and, although i wouldnt admit it, to myself as well, that father had told me to catch up to them after a day and no later even if i had not found what i was sent looking for.

"Wow great idea, make a promise to your little sister to do something dumb when you both know you never break a promise" i said to myself out loud as there was now no one around to hear me.

Technically i never said i would find the thing, only look for it, but now i felt the need to find it before returning or it would nag at my conscience everytime i looked at tuks pouting face. As i knew she would be sulking about it for the next week at least and that wouldnt do after she was already sad enough having to leave her home.

The leather seat of my ikrans saddle burned into the sides of my legs from the extensive riding. I was sure that if i hadnt been wearing my riding pants that i would have had cuts lining my thighs from all the sharp turns i had to make in and around rock formations i had seen too late.

I definitely had burns from the leather because of all the jerking left and right of my ikran i had to do. I had been anxious the whole time we were riding, just waiting for my bond with my ikran to give out and for us both to go tumbling out of the sky together. My family would find out and- oh i couldnt even think about it any further.

But thankfully my ikran had held up and i got comfortable enough to have Tuk sit with me, to take her off my mothers hands, when i felt less anxious that we could possibly fall.

After a while of searching for Tuks posession i was lucky that i had found it and even more so that nothing bad had happened with my ikran or bond while i had been alone and separated from my family.

I had memorised the directions my father had explained and even written down for me and followed them to a tee. I soared over head flying lower to the sea than usual, trying not to give off a threatening posture as i arrived upon my destination.

I arrived in the early morning a day later than the rest of my family to the residence of the Metkayina clan. I saw many of the clans members working and doing chores around as i flew high above them.

They called out to me and i responded in as much of a friendly and non-threatening manner as i could in turn.

Even though my father had reassured me that the Metkayina clan would take them in the day before, i could not help but worry that they might have been turned away and i would have to go in search of them.

Although going in search of my family didnt seem very likely since i knew that even if they were turned away my father would have at least barginned with the Metkayina clans leaders for them to stay at least until i returned.

And when i did return if they could be so kind as to show hospitality until we were rested enough to continue our journey and move on to possibly the next nearest clan or whatever else father and mother had in mind.

When i finally landed on the bay of where the Metkayina clan dwelled i hopped off the back of my ikran onto the warm sand down below. It was an odd and new feeling but not one that was uplesant. What was really unpleasant was the way the people of the clan gathered around me immediately like a hawk to prey, looking at me like i was a meal.

We had learned all about the leaders of the Metkayina clan and how fierce they were before we departed, their Olo'eyktan Tonowari and especially their Tsahik Ronal. We had also learned about their children, the youngest Tsireya and the eldest and heir Ao'noung. This knowledge was deemed necessary for us to have by father if we were to ever make a good first impression or find our place in a diffrent clan.

When i felt their eyes roaming my body as if to look for any weakness they could find and exploit i did as i always would in these situations. I had observed many a time how my mother and father dealt with affairs and how they and other senior members of the clan showed their authority. But since i was suposed to keep a friendly attitude as my father had said i toned it down a bit, simply blocking out any and all ways i could appear weak to my new clan.

Shoulders down and back. Chin up. Hold your head high. Keeping your tail and ears stiff, dont let them twitch, dont move them. Dont fiddle or figet with your hands or anything else. Dont let the gleam in your eyes waver as they stare you down, soaking in every aspect of your being, even if you feel as if your awaiting death row.

And that was it. They backed off. The hungry gleam in their eyes faded out. Usually they relaxed back into themselves and carried on with what they were doing, mostly just ignoring me afterwards. Thats what the people in my clan did when i put up this version of my shield as they had grown used to the flame i had, the fire my heart contained. But the people here were not used to me, they seemed even slightly tense after the gleam had left their eyes, their confidence with it.

'Maybe this is what Grandmother had ment' i thought to myself as i witnessed the situation that played out before my eyes.

Instead of dropping and relaxing their shoulders completly they looked almost scruched up slightly as if I were the one who made them recline into themselves instead of the other way around like they thought it would be.

Yes. I was sure of it now. This is what my Grandmother had ment.

The spark im my heart. The one that i kept under wraps, contained, but that yearned to be set free, that yearned to rage a blazing fire. It peaked its head out at moments, moments like these and when it did it demanded respect. It could enrapture peoples attention and in turn their own hearts.

If only i could use it to its fullest, my fullest potential. But alas, i had to be careful. Be careful so as not to lose control of that spark, of that fire and burn away what i yearned to keep close. What was most precious even over my own heart, my soul, my own true self.

Soon enough a boy who looked around about my age passed through the crowd as they made a clear path for him to walk through. I assumed him to be the first born and heir of the clan, like my eldest brother had been of our former clan.

I had seen him arrive a little earlier then wence he approched me but he seemed to be looking on from afar and observing the situation, possibly seeing how i would react and if i would recline into myself or step up to the challenge. Thats what his eyes were telling me, they were hungry like the others had been and they still were after seeing my 'little performance'.

As he approched i put my hand to my head and brought it downwards lightly as a sign of respect. I had expected him to make some sly remark, even though i had always been told to 'never judge a book by its cover' by my father, but to my surprise, although i didnt show it, he returned my gesture in full.

His eyes still told an entirely diffrent story and i was far too used to that look to fall for it at this age. Yes, I'd play along. We could be civilised to each other as of right now, but in that moment i could tell with every ounce of my being that we both had the same thought.

'If you so much as step one foot out of line you'll answer to me'

Preditor had met preditor head on and prey hid for their lives. Of course this was all coated underneath a layer of politeness for the sake of peace and friendship. For the chance that would be given to the other until it was knowingly going to be broken one way or the other.

But he didn't know me. He didnt know what game he was playing, what game he was getting himself into. He had no idea what kind of self control i had. And if you havent already gathered from what you've read so far, I'll tell you, its a whole fuxking lot.

I could play the long game, the fun part was just watching how long he could keep up.

My attention was captured as my youngest sister ran up to me eagerly followed by my parents one after the other. They had heard word of my arrival after having kept look out for me for all of the time i was gone. Tuk started to search my body for her possession before she started jumping around when i returned it to her. Quickly there after, she hugged the lower half of my body as if she was latching onto me for dear life. I was embraced multiple times by my parents as well before i was hauled off to help my three other siblings who were setting up our new sleeping area.

As i went to see my new living quarters for the first time, with a new outlook on the situation i was thrust into with the rest of my family, i had a final thought.

'Maybe my new home wont be so bad after all'

~~~

Oh boy was i wrong. So very wrong.

I was standing waste deep in the water off the bay where the Metkayina clan resided. The first day of arrival had been given to my family for rest but i didnt get to indulge in that pleasure as we were quickly thrust into learning the ways of the Metkayina people. Today my siblings and i would be learning how to ride an ilu guided by Tsereya, Ao'nung and their friend Rotxo's instruction.

Apart from the semi-welcome, semi-unwelcome welcoming my family had recieved upon arrival they had not been hesitant to tech us all their ways and i was now starting to find my way here. Tuk had picked it up fast with Tsereya as her mentor and Kiri was a natural as usual without any instriction nessecary. My elder brothers Neteyam and Lo'ak had been taken to another area away from the rest of us to learn from Ao'nung and Rotxo. I wondered how they were doing and if it was going as well as how my sisters and i were doing.

Us three got lucky. Tsireya was a gentle soul. She was very kind and made sure to look after Tuk as the youngest. I cringed when i thought back to how my younger sister Kiri had informed me after my arrival, while snickering, that our older brother Lo'ak had eyes on her from the moment they had landed. She seemed to like him too, much to his delight. I would be happy to have her as my sister if it turned out that way but felt sorry if she was going to get stuck with my troublesome twin in the process.

With Tsireyas guidance i had picked up how to ride an ilu fairly quickly. It wasnt as hard as i thought it was going to be. I was nervous that i wouldnt get it right at the start, especially since about every joint in my body still ached from my extra long flight, but Tsireya made it feel more fun than like a chore.

As i first sat myself down onto the saddle of the ilu i stroked his head and leaned down to whisper to him a silent prayer. Wheather it was to the ilu, myself, Eywa or all three i wasn't completely sure.

'Please, please work. Keep on being normal like you have done so for the past few days.'

The ilu chittered in response, most likely not understanding me at all but it felt somehow reassuring even so.

Nothing had gone wrong over the past few days and i was starting to actually grow uneasy instead of being happy about it. It was almost like the calm before the storm and everyone knows how that scenario ends.

After Tsireya helped Kiri onto her ilu she had gone off on her own without a hitch, Tsireya then went to help and guide Tuk after making sure i could handle myself as the eldest there.

"I will stick beside Tuk the whole time, as she is a child. Please feel free to go off on your own and dont be burdened" she had said

"Yes, thank you" i replied after hoisting myself up onto the ilu i was given

It was definitely a new feeling, like the sand had been. Although it was not unpleasant, it did give me a certain anxiety. It was a joint mix of wheather or not my bond would work, if i could hold my breath long enough and if i could steer it properly because it was not my ikran.

But i was also partly excited. Excited to see the world below, like i knew Kiri was. She only had one thing on her mind ever since father had told us where we were heading for our destination.

Deciding to follow her i had my ilu go forward just like Tsireya had taught us to do. I wanted to see the look on my younger sisters face as she witnessed all her dreams about this place become real. And what a sight to behold it was. The way the water wrapped around me so tightly as i made my decent down into the depths below made me feel safer than i ever did in the forest.

It felt like being swaddled in a big blanket and as if none of my worries could reach all the way down here, just like how it felt when i would fly for hours on end up in the sky on my ikran. I saw Kiri off on her own not too far away, admiring the scenery and playing with little fish and other underwater animals i hadn't seen before that passed us by.

Down here the water was crystal clear and the sun danced off of every surface it touched making a kaleidoscope of patterns along them. I watched kiri as she let her body sway with the flow of the water as she rode her ilu, i copied her mannerisms and found how much easier it made riding my ilu properly already.

I let the water guide me as i passed under her, scanning the ocean floor and tracing my long slender fingers across any shells i saw in passing. I looked back and noticed kiri following me doing much the same thing. She noticed me and we both shared a smile as i could tell in that moment that we also shared the same feeling in or hearts.

Until mine was spiked by anxiety.

I couldn't breath. I had been intending to go up for air soon but now i couldn't breath for another reason. The calm before the storm. I knew it would never last, i was now in that storm. I could feel myself losing control once again and i almost screamed at myself in rage, losing any breath i still had.

With what control i had left over my tsaheylu with my ilu i rushed towards the surface as fast as i could, leaving Kiri behind. I felt my ilu thrashing around as it was loosing my guidance and instruction but we eventually broke the suface of the water. I felt the buring in my lungs cease as i gasped in the air i was presented with.

I quickly detached my que from my ilu and broke the bond. My ilu gradually calmed down with just a few pats and strokes from myself and began chittering away to itself once again in no time.

Kiri broke through the water not even a minute later. After following me to the surface she had an odd look on her face.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah i just needed a breather, you know?" I replied to her questioning, noticeably out of breath as my heart raced a million miles a minute.

"Me too. It's hard to hold your breath for that long. We still need to get used to some things here."

"Yeah..." i was glad i didnt have to be the one to explain myelf, she seemed to have covered all the excuses i had whipped up in the minute i had to think about what i might say. It wasn't exactly like i was lying though, i really was planning on going up to gather my breath anyway.

I was just witholding a small piece of information that wasnt necessary to give her at all. It would only stress her out.

Tsireya and Tuk had joined us not long later to catch their breath as well and with that we all joined back up with the boys for a joint lesson on breathing.

The sun was setting behind us as exlipse was drawing nearer and we all sat in a circle to focus on the techniques shown to us by the kids of the Metkayina clan. By now with todays techings we had all picked up the basic nessecities of the skills we needed to not be a nuisance to the Metkayina clan while staying with them from here on out.

Thanks to these techings i learned how to hold my breath for longer which was a good experience except for the fact that i had to sit next to Lo'ak and witness as he spluttered nervously like a love struck fool when Tsireya so much as touched him.

I looked over at Kiri and made a face before we both erupted in fits of giggles, working hard to stifle our laughter so as not to embarrass our brother any more than he was doing so on his own. The day faded away into eclipse with laughter and hearts that were full.

I know i said i was wrong about thinking staying here wouldn't be so bad after all but...

Thats not the bad part.

In fact everything started off relatively normal. Everyone was kind and happy but i wonder if that really all was just a facade. Just a layer of politeness over everyones real feelings for the sake of diplomacy. I couldn't tell what the future held then, but even if i tried i sure as hell wouldn't have guessed in a million years.

Though it did start going downhill the way i always knew it would. Because there would always be people who saw us, my family, my siblings and even i as less then na'vi, as human, as alien.

My brother, my twin, being treated as live fish bait and what was i doing? Absolutely nothing. I should have been there for him, i shouldnt have let that happen and even worse he took the blame for all of it. For that a$$hole Ao'noung who started this whole mess and i bet didnt even thank my brother in return for covering for him.

Our parents might not have been able to tell Lo'ak was covering for Ao'noung or maybe they did but they didnt see what had happened themselves so they just had to take the word of the one owing up to it. Either way i knew my brother and even if i had not seen what had happened between the two of them or outside the reef where he was attacked i wouldnt believe his pretty lies.

He was not the type to own up, as much as it pains me to say, our older brother was always the one to stick up for him. And even when he did Lo'ak would never retaliate and say it was his fault and not our elder brothers, letting him take the blame as he pleased. I knew my twin did not do this because it came from a bad place, because he had a bad heart, but because he was scared.

I knew that much, we were twins after all, like i said before, it would be wierd if we didnt have at least a couple things in common. But i suppose i wouldnt know as much as i used to about him now, we had grown more separated than we used to be. I take the responsibility for that due to my own fear. We both feared the unknown, he feared failure and letting people down and so did i.

Mabey we were, are, more alike than i had previously thought. As we grew further apart i started to think that we never really had anything in common but how would i really know since we never talked deeply about anything. We didnt confide in each other, we didnt know what the other was thinking and somethimes i wondered or even hoped that he might feel the same as me.

Only this time in a diffrent way. I thought it might be the case when we all saw him return safely, he owned up and my father said the harshest words he could have to him.

"You dishoner this family"

I could only imagine how my brother was feeling but as for me i felt them in my soul. We are twins so i could assume Lo'ak felt the same, only much worse since he was the one those words were directed at.

But they made me feel sick to my stomach, when i heard those words it dropped straight down and then lurched upwards like i was being spun around and around. This was because we are twins, he is one half of me, the other half of me. I felt those words to my core and they whispered that i was next.

Sometimes i think theres something wrong with me.

I have both my parents and my siblings. Theyre all nice people and none of them have died. I have a nice home, a nice clan and a nice grandmother. I have people who will support me through anything. So when i see them in front of me i know i should feel something...but i dont.

These are the people who raised me, who are my parents, who love me. They gave me a home and shelter, they fed me and protect me. They are the people i call to when i have a problem that i cant fix on my own or when im sick because i need thay sense of familiarity. Because they are my safety net. The only safety i know, they always have been.

So i know i should love them, i should reciprocate these feelings...but i dont. I look at them and i feel nothing. I think ive been tricking myself into thinking that i really do feel something, that i really love them and that i dont feel like its just because they were the only ones who protected me as i grew up. Because i had no choice in the matter and no one else to give me that sense of familiarity and safety.

And when i came to realise this, that i had been tricking myself, living in my own ignorance and delision, i started to act...started to lie. I thought 'well if i can trick myself what would be so hard about showing that emotion outwards and making life better for everyone else with a little white lie'.

'Lying is a form of love'.

With this white lie people would then begin to say 'you look happier as of late', 'you smile more now', 'you've changed', 'im glad your finally opening up to us'...

No. Its a lie. Its all a lie!

This isnt the real me.

Its just the me that keeps the peace, keeps the balance, keeps a sembalance of normality and familiarity because im scared of letting go, im scared of the outcome and im scared of hurting others even when i dont mean to. But how can i help it if its what i really feel, if its the real me, I cant help it, i dont know whats wrong with me....so i just lie instead. Its the better option...for everyone, everyone but me.

You often times hear how mothers or fathers do not feel connected with their child after its birth. They feel nothing towards this child and feel great grief over it, knowing they should feel all these diffrent emotions toward their child. They think somethings wrong with them but then over time as they are around the child more and watch it grow they learn to connect to the child, to love it. They watch them become their own person and the cycle might continue once that child becomes an adult and has children of its own, it has done so with many others.

I feel like that too. Can it be the same thing but the opposite way around, with the child being the one who wants to learn to love their parents? It wasnt always like this, i think i used to love them but my memories of my childhood have all faded into one big blur. I cannot recall any memories save for a few that have impacted me the most and only these i recalled recently or have kept with me and never once have left my mind. So i want to learn how to love them again, not just for them but also for me.

Lying and acting go hand in hand. One cannot exist without the other. You lie to act and you act to lie.

Thats the way i see it. Because i have known no diffrent. I do not know how to portray my feelings, my emotions, outwardly...not the real ones at least. So i lie. I lie and i act and i lie some more. Over and over and over again until i get twisted up in this web, this net of lies and fall down the rabbit hole until i dont even remember what i was like before. Before the lies, before all of it.

I dont know who the real me is anymore. But there is one thing i know, one thing i cant do.

Imagine this ; your going to bed at night and your parent comes to see you off one final time before you fall into your dreamland, and they say 'goodnight, sleep tight', 'see you in the morning', 'I love you'.

All the normality in the world, all the feelings and safety that should make you feel happy but all you feel instead is grief. Grief at yourself for only being able to reply back with a 'Okay' or 'Night' or a 'See you tomorrow' but never being able to utter the words 'I love you'. Because they carry so much weight to you, so much raw emotion that you cannot let escape from your being in fear. Pure fear of the unknown, of what will happen if you put these feelings on display, for the whole world to see.

Its not that i hate them, my parents, i just need to relearn how to let love win over fear, let them take my worries so i can love without restraint. Its like my heart is aching to be let out of its confinments within my chest where its tamed and trained to let the outershell act and lie while it rots away my entire being from the inside out.

Because 'I love you' are the only words i cannot speak out loud.

They are the only words i cannot bring myself to lie.

☆☆☆

@jakesully-sbabygirl @dreamsholdpowers @alohastitch0626 @1ntefly @arminsgfloll @bobojojoba69 @bucky12345 @destinylb @exactlyhappyflower @eternallyvenus @heart-an0n

(Everyone who used to read this is gone by now just watch😭✋)

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Ashes burn (Dark!Aemond x ASABFO (Asigned at birth female oc/reader) ((oc is nameless)) chapter 4: i am bad at naming chapters (will edit this later)

Aemond x fem oc/reader

Tags: Show setting, book setting, gore, dubcon and Dark!Aemond

🔷Summary: Your hometown has fallen and you become Aemond targaryen's pet.

🔷Author's note: I like to think that this Aemond and Snowfalls Aemond write each other letters to compete in who is the bigger asshole of them both, i wouldnt know. As always: This is a dark! Aemond fic. You do not find him being a unicorn here. He is not kind. He is not friendly. He does not want you to meet his mother. Go away if dark themes offend you because this fic is not for you and thats fine.

🔷Wordcount :around 6k. ( thats huge)

Warnings below the cut but god knows its dark

taglist: @jamespotterismydaddy

Warnings: Suicide, rape (but does not occur between oc/aemond ((dubcon does happen) murder, blood, stabbing, sex, p in v, oral sex (m rec. f rec.) clear insane Aemond, blood and knife kinks, murder kinks, Aemond being unworthy of air for 6k words straight. Looking on as someone gets f*cked (idk the word) and trauma and blood and gore as well as drinking.

Still here?

Awesome! lets go

You like to think of yourself as a sane, average woman with a good working head. It never failed you yet, despite whatever life had thrown at all.

Growing up a bastard was difficult enough as it is. Your new stepmother and her stepdaughters did not make that easier. Your father’s expectations about your future, did not make that easier and your ever wondering about who possibly could be your mother, did not make it easier at all.

Life has been nothing but difficult, yet you count the blessings, the lights in the dark. The smaller turnips during a famine and the raindrops in a desert. It is not much, by a long shot. Not enough to dull the pain, that is for certain. But it is enough to keep forcing yourself to set your left foot in front of the right one, to keep your head up and to keep going. 

It has to be enough.

That was until this morning, when your little sister Diandra rode off to meet the soldiers of King Aegon, second of his name, laying siege to your hometown. Diandra is aged 4 and ten yet she has the courage of a man of thirty. You followed her into the battlefield, as she was openly insulting the man leading the siege, Prince Aemond Targaryen, the one eyed prince, or the sapphire Prince, as many call him. 

Aemond executed your brother, took his eyes out, and kept you as a ‘’pet’’. He told you he would not be cold during his stay at your family’s estate, and you would be the reason for that. You have tried to sneak away, but so far Aemond has discovered your attempts and punished you mercilessly for each attempt you took.

Diandra is locked up in the dungeon, likely cold and shivering, missing her stuffed plush toy she can’t sleep without, together with your other family members. 

Aemond does not care about gold. Aemond sees them as traitors to the realm for helping Rhaenyra’s cause. He would sooner let another man take his other eye, than let traitors roam free again. He prefers killing them, you’ve seen it before when he fed the men in your father’s army to his dragon, laughing as he cut off limbs, as a little boy who was granted a present for his name day.

You never saw anything so frightful as his smile whenever he sees his prey bleed. You never heard a sound as horrible as his laugh, convinced he shares it with the Stranger himself. The same dead tone, the same hollowness and yet the illusion of softness, well spoken and gentleness. Things he does not possess. 

The feast he threw in his own name, to celebrate the conquest of your hometown, ended barely half an hour ago. Yet your servants are already cleaning up the decorations, working quickly under the watchful eye of soldiers that carry the famous golden dragon on their chest, the symbol of Aegon, Aemond’s older brother.

You are standing next to Aemond, your long yet sleeveless green gown with open back and inviting neckline all that protects you from the cold winds. He picked it out for you, not caring much if you would be cold. It was clear that he finds you attractive in this cloth, and that was all that mattered to him.

As the Prince briefly plays with his goblet, watching the red wine flow over the edge every time, you notice that the Dornish commander comes out of the shadows, approaching you both. He makes a bow for Aemond and addresses him without awaiting acknowledgement. ‘’My prince. What shall we do with the corpse of Lord Dawreyn?’’ You think back of how Aemond handed you the sword and gave you the option.

Kill your own father or watch him butcher everyone in this town. Aemond was delighted when you picked up the sword. How delighted he was then, not so long ago, in theory, so annoyed he is now. He is as fickle as a candle, dancing on the whims of the elements, of whatever bothers him. ‘’Any suggestions, Cole? I don’t have the faintest idea what to do with him.’’ He says, surprising you.

You have never known him to not have an idea for as long as you know him. You assumed he would have a wicked evil plot for your father’s corpse, but that is not true, after all. Perhaps he only pretends to be a monster. You know that your family members usually are laid to rest in the Dolkburg Crypt under the estate of your home. ‘’We have a family crypt.’’ You tell the prince, speaking gently and causing both men to look at you. ‘’It is a tradition my father is to rest with his kin.’’

Aemond makes a funny little noise, close to a scoff and a chuckle at once, and you feel your courage die off. ‘’You think I will allow a traitor and a rebel to peacefully find rest in his beloved crypt? Furthermore, you think I allow you to decide such matters?’’ He shakes his head, laughing as he grabs hold of your hips, his cold fingers touching your chin as well, cleaning your forehead of blood. Your father’s blood.

You fight briefly in his arms, seeking escape and help. Aemond’s grip only tightens, his smirk growing dangerous and predatory. ‘’You know what, sweet Pet? Just because you suggested it, just because you dared to stick that little bastard nose of yours where it certainly does not belong, I’ll think of a cruel punishment for both you and your father’s corpse.’’ You regret speaking up, but know that uttering an apology will only make it worse.

Aemond stares in the distance, likely to where his dragon is awaiting him, guarded by soldiers. Women and men scream in the background, yet you only hear the women's cries and the laughter, the sickening laughter of his soldiers as they commit the one after the other unspeakable crime.

‘’Hm. His head is to be brought to me, I have plans with it. The legs can be put on the spikes of the gates, and his cock? We will send that to my traitor sister, the so-called ‘Queen.’ I know for one she likes her men at least twenty years older than she is.’’ He laughs at his own joke, likely something you don’t quite understand and smirks at Cole, who tries to hide his disgust very well. ‘’And perhaps she’ll finally have some pleasure this way in ways my uncle failed to satisfy her, and stop this silly little fit of hers, and quietly roll over as a good woman would and stop pestering us all with her ‘’claim’’.’’ Viserys named her his heir. It is no claim. And if it is, it is on an equal scale as that of King Aegon. Yet you don’t say this. 

You look around you, noticinging you are the only woman left. Most servant girls have been taken elsewhere by Aemond’s men, likely into the taverns. You begged him earlier for their release, to which he only laughed and said that they were entitled to a few ladies, as they bled for this town. You were close to ripping his silver hair out, one hair by one. You promised your father that you would keep this town safe, and what do you do? You entertain this murderer, this kinslayer and this war criminal. Because you are a coward.

‘’I’m off for tonight. If anything happens, you’re in charge, Cole.’’ Aemond says, addressing the commander. His fingers grasp your chin, forcing you to look up at him. ‘’I have plans that involve trying out my new beloved Pet.’’ You let out a shaky breath. 

It should scare you, being alone with the prince. In some ways, it does. It mostly terrifies you. But fear is a funny thing. It awakens bravery in souls that have never been brave their entire lives. Only when one is scared, one can be truly brave. 

Prince Aemond has been drinking, quite a bit if your counting is correct and quite quickly, almost throwing down the one after the other cup of wine. Perhaps if you can make him take a bit more, he’ll pass out and sleep without bothering you. Wishful thinking, perhaps. An opportunity, for certain. Your father did the same with Diandra and you whenever you couldn’t sleep. 

Aemond hooks his arms in yours, dragging you off to your childhood home. The closer you come, the more screams can be heard inside the property, as well as laughter, begs and things breaking. It sounds like glass, and when you lift your head you watch as a servant girl throws herself down the highest floor, screaming as she lands face down on the tiles, her head scattering open as a ripe and juicy piece of fruit. Blood and gore jumps out of her head, as if it are little snakes enchanted by the flute of a singer. It ends up everywhere and yet nowhere at once. It is on the tiles and your gown, but somehow, it does not hit you yet that this has happened. It is as if your mind has closed itself, guarding itself against more pain and trauma.

That awful, awakening feeling of realization, the conclusion that this is forever, irreversible and your fault, comes within a second, yet it takes forever.

You are frozen, completely shocked as you take in the red bloodied spots by her legs and assume she was likely raped before she jumped. You never saw someone kill themselves before. She was your lady. And you failed her.

Aemond simply steps over her body, as if she is not there. ‘’Pet, follow.’’ He barks. You lift your dress to avoid more blood on it, and step over her corpse too, whispering a silent prayer for her soul. And an apology that you failed her.

—

Aemond  brings you inside the bedroom of your father, the biggest bedroom in the house. It is likely why he picked it out for himself. You notice that for a man with such a hideous scar, he is quite vain. Perhaps that is the reason as well. 

Daros is following closely behind, chained and pushed behind you and Aemond and you quietly wonder if he will be forced to watch whatever Aemond plans to do with you. 

‘’Tell me a bit about this room, Pet.’’ Aemond speaks after Daros has been tied up to a chair, and you are touching the silk fabric of your gown, enjoying the soft almost cutting feeling it gives you when you go a little too fast. 

You think. What is there to tell? It does not have any stories. It is a room, used by the leading men of your family for generations. But there are no heroic stories or ghost stories that have happened between these walls. No bloody betrayls or secret weddings full of passion. It is just a room with four walls and a bed. It is nothing special. 

It can never be as special as the man it belonged to. It can never be as special as your father.

Now it belongs to the worst person who ever set foot in your town.

Daros might have been tied up, but he is not gagged. He raises his chin, speaking on your behalf. ‘’This is the bedchamber of her father, Lord Samwell Dawreyn.’’ Hearing his name hurts you. It cuts open your heart and slices your soul.

At first, Aemond slightly tilts his head, his good eye clearing speaking ahead of his words by just twitching: He is enraged that Daros dares to speak to him, for you, and without any permission. He is envious that Daros is not afraid. 

“Hm.” The prince simply comments. “So, it belongs to your father, little Pet? The old fuck you killed?” He asks, his eyes staring hungrily at your bloodied gown, likely recalling the moment where you killed him.

You still see his eyes whenever you close yours. You wonder if that will be forever. Or if one day the horrible day will come you can no longer recall his face.

Aemond briefly walks around the room, inspecting it. “This is likely the same room where your father fucked you into the whore that is your mother, Pet.” He joyfully concludes, shaming you.

But it hurts more that he drags your mother into this, calling her a whore as well.

“How ironic that you will lose your maidenhead in this very room as well.” He adds his voice sinister and a threat. He takes another sip of his wine as you sniffle. “I love it when fate has a good sense of humor.”

Unable to help yourself, you raise your hand at him, ready to strike any moment. He is not impressed and just chuckles as if he finds it very adorable. “O, you can do that, little pet. Get rough with me, and I sure will do the same with you. I don't mind it. I like it rough. I love it, in a sick twisted way.” He grins, staring at your tits as if he can already picture himself inside of you.

You frown at his words, worried that nothing will cross a line when it comes to him, and that nothing is sacred or holy when it comes to him. No crimes he won’t commit, no blood he will not spill, including your own.

He smiles, lowering his eye so he can look at you properly. “But you? Oh, darling. You wouldn't like it one bit.” He chuckles, and yes he is right. “Either lower your hand or deliver the slap.” He says after he has lost his patience, becoming bored and annoyed with you wavering.

You back down, helpless and afraid. You feel so small and useless. You tear up. He finds that very amusing. “My little craven pet. You are too scared to stand up to me, hm? I wonder why.” He takes his dagger out, touching your face with the even cold side of it. 

“You have so many men.” You manage to stutter out afraid as the knife approaches your eyes closer and closer. You worry that one day he will bore himself with you and pass you down as a toy to his men.

He almost chokes on his own laughter, clearly finding it ridiculous that you are scared of his army.

‘’My men? My useless fucking soldiers scare you?’’ From what you’ve seen, they are anything but useless, clearly trained in warfare and combat alike.

You do not know why you are defending his soldiers. Perhaps to show and shame him into thinking he is not powerful as he thinks he is. Perhaps because you need to tell yourself lies why you don’t interfere with Aemond’s twisted plans and plots more. ‘’They helped you win this siege.’’

Daros lets out a breath you didn’t realize he was holding, and Aemond just rolls his good eye. ‘’If the battle had turned ugly, I would have happily burned them all and your town to ash.’’ He says and you don’t doubt him for a moment.

You whimper, afraid at these words, your lips trembling.

‘’Come here.’’ He murmurs against your ear, grabbing you so you won't be able to get away. He turns you to his front, placing the knife at your throat. His slender fingers find the fabric on your shoulders, that hold up your dress and the final piece of your dignity. He brings the knife under the fabric, cutting a cruel hole while you stand there, very close to him and held by your throat by his other hand. He rips the fabric of your gown, baring you naked for both him and Daros to see.

You at first cover yourself, as well as you can. That is until Aemond starts choking you, to warn you of that. Your hands that had cupped your breasts drop and he takes a good look at what is shielding beneath your legs as well as your breasts. Not a single inch of your skin is unknown to him anymore.

Aemond takes a step back to fully appreciate your beauty and your purity when Daros does his best to remain respectful, his eyes lowered at the ground. You appreciate his respect and his gesture.

The prince seems to notice your attention is no longer aimed at him. He becomes furious and turns around, watching Daros who stubbornly glares at the floor tiles instead. He curses, before storming over to Daros, yanking him up by his dark black hairs, and dragging his nails into his throat, spitting threats and orders at him. ’Watch her. Watch her, you fucking useless-’’ You back away, closer and closer to the walls of the rooms, aware you are only trapping yourself.

He exhales, calming himself down, at least, to give you the illusion that he is now calm. You know he is just playing you. ‘’You know what? For every moment your eyes are on the ground and not aimed at her, I'll spank her. Starting now.’’ He walks back to you, a grin on his lips.

You back away further until your back meets the wall. Prince Aemond slenters over to you, slow and tutorious until he finally pins you between his arms, not allowing you to move an inch. ‘’Not running from me, are you, little Pet?’’ He asks, his voice a bit raspy and his one remaining eye clearly deranged.

‘’Please do not hurt me.’’ 

‘’Sh, sweet thing.’’ He whispers when gently nibbling down on your neck, watching you gasp and twist. Until he finally delivers the smack, turning your body sideways so he can reach your ass, and deals a full cruel blow.

You cry out in pain.

‘’Hm,’’ He chuckles, delighted to hear the anguish and fear in your voice. ‘’Gods, you are a delight. Your cries are enough to make me hard, you know that?’’ He laughs. ‘’Come, little pet. You aren’t done yet, your friend isn’t looking, after all.’’ 

Finally,  Daros looks up, tears running down his face as well. Aemond mutters something, clearly annoyed that his game is interrupted but does not force you to come with him anymore.

You turn to Daros who remains chained to the chair where Aemond put him. His bloodied nose has spread blood everywhere and you wish Aemond would give him something to clean his face with. ‘’Lovely tits, tight looking cunt. I am a lucky man.’’ Aemond smirks after he had a thorough inspection, taking in your body.

‘’Please make Daros leave before we make love.’’ You beg. ‘’He is as a brother to me.’’ 

Daros looks as if you stomped on his heart and Aemond just burst out into laughter. ‘’You hear that, you shit? Your soulmate thinks you are a brother. Even in my family we know what that means!’’ He laughs, and you understand you must have accidentally hurt Daros’s feelings.

Yet you hope that now that Aemond is amused, this might be a chance to get on his good side.

‘’So you'll...consider it?’’ You ask hopeful as Aemond's fingers gently brush aside your hair, touching your neck and untying your necklace for you. It drops to the floor, on your dress.

He stops laughing. You instantly become quiet and nervous too. ‘’You know what? I am done with your useless begs and endless whining. It's past time you learned what a pet is.’’ You do not think you’ll like learning it. He gently taps against your chin to get you to look at him. ‘’A pet obeys her master. You no longer will advocate for useless servants or people here. They are all mine to torment. As are you.’’ He says.

You worry you can not hold your one promise to your father. That you would protect your family and your town. ‘’Lay on the bed.’’ He says, folding his hands back on his back, giving you a clear order. You obey, climbing on the bed, laying on your stomach. You feel arousal between your legs and try to stop it at all costs.

Any woman in your position would not enjoy herself. Yet your body finds the prince attractive, despite his crimes and his horribleness. Perhaps it is what he said: Perhaps you are simply so eager for a husband, that you accept whatever comes your way, no matter how horrid the flavor is of this beautiful looking cake.

The prince glances at you. “Good girl.” He whispers in your ear. You are grabbed by your hips and flipped on the bed, your wet cunt now visible for him. He spreads your legs roughly, yanking them apart with just one hand. His other free hand vanishes in the triangle of your legs.

It feels odd to have someone else touch you there. And you can't help but enjoy yourself regardless.

But you are embarrassed and mortified that he will soon discover that you are wet. “Don't-” you beg but it is too late.

Judging by his heartless little chuckle and his spreading grin he can likely already feel just how wet you are for the Prince. His fingers softly pet and try out the limit of your body, gently pushing in. 

“O, little filthy thing. Being so wet for me despite me treating you like shit. Your poor little maiden cunt is basically crying out for me.” He sighs, removing his fingers. You are a bit confused as to why he is leaving your body. Perhaps a bit angry too.

He smirks, knowing all too well you secretly enjoyed it. “Your little friend has a soaked drenched little cunt.” He speaks to Daros again who looked on as Aemond fucked you with his fingers.

Aemond grins at him, bringing his head close to your entrance. You watch as his tongue rolls out of his mouth, gently licking the wet smooth skin. You gasp, slightly twisting. The licks become sloppy, fast and hungry as you begin to feel even more aroused by this act of pleasure. You were never pleasured there before. 

He seems to enjoy himself as well, moaning loudly at your wet sex as he takes the one after the other greedy lick. He takes his time with you. At some point he lets out a low soft moan, clearly licking away at your cunt, your juices ending up on his tongue, in his mouth as if he didn't drink for days and this is all there is for him.

You twist a bit, slightly turning but the prince slams your legs back down, to hold you firmly in place. You like the way his grip tightens and you feel calm for a brief moment.

You feel conflicting emotions. Hatred and shame and mostly disgust and just pure arousal and enjoyment. Your body likes it but your heart can't forgive him.

After having a proper taste, Aemond removes his tongue from your entrance, locking eyes with you as he allows his tongue to wetten his lips, likely spreading your taste all over it. He sighs in delight. He turns to Daros with a grin. “She tastes sweet. Almost as a perfectly riped strawberry, aching to be plucked.” You feel you clench yourself at his choice of words, softly breathing a little harder, arousal getting the better of you.

You still remain where you are, but do eye the door. “And pluck you I will.” He grins at you, smacking your wet and soaked cunny that still shimmers with his salvia. You cry out, helplessly and a little turned on by the gesture.

Prince Aemond grins, easily forcing you up to sit on your behind again. You look around for any ideas of what he could want. Instead of telling you what he plans, he simply forces your head down in a pillow, and forces your legs in a kneeling position. 

Aemond forces your hands above your head, pinning them together.

“Remain like this.” He tells you, his voice is a bit strained. You give an obedient nod, your hands above your head and kneeling like a good girl.

“Come. You have to see this up close.” He tells Daros after he is freed.

“This is filthy.” daros comments. “I shouldn't see this. She doesn't want me to see this.”

You are thankful for his kindness.

“O, don't be a craven.” That is all prince Aemond says.

“You see how it's glinstering? Poor little Pet needs it so badly.”

“Don't you, little pet?” He asks. You give a soft shy nod.

To that the prince laughs. “Look at you, finally being honest to yourself. Do not worry, Sweet little pet. Soon.” He promises. 

“You, you peasant. Take the chair and watch me fuck my pet.” He grins.

“She has a fucking name!” Daros leashes out. You are shocked at his outburst and worry that Aemond will break another part of his body now.

“I don't care.” Aemond says with a little shrug. “Neither will she. She is all I decide she is.” He feels your cunt one more time but you can tell its the final time when he undoes his pants and lowers them.

You can't help but watch the prince, curious to his manhood that is about to be revealed. Prince Aemond catches you watching and smirks. “Pet can deny it all she likes. She wants this.” He says slentering over lazily.

In submission, you bow your head, your desires getting the better off you. Your cunt is drenched for sure and your desires are high and rushing. Prince Aemond knows this.

Your legs are parted slightly, so that the prince may reach your forbidden fruit. You take a deep breath and close your eyes…

And take another quick sharp breath when the Prince's cock pierces through your maidenhead, destroying your innocence and throbs away at your wet cunt. 

You gasp, a little louder as the pain begins to form, your body slightly twisting. The prince chuckles in your ear. “I'm almost  in, pet. You do it well.”

“Almost?” You breath out, confused. The prince does not answer you and instead sinks in deeper, causing you to flinch and to cry out.

He is finally in, you have him inside of you. In a intimate place where no one has been before. And now that he is here, you never want him to leave. 

You buck your hips back at his front, desire getting the better of you as you start to pant, your shame and ego leaving your body.

“See that? Such a eager little pet. I bet you imagined how she is like to fuck. To feel your cock take her walls and to feel her nippels harden and pierce.” 

You forgot all about Daros but when Aemond picks back the torture session your head snaps.

Aemond forces it back with a firm yank at your hair, grinning and spitting at your face when you flinch. He leans in. “You want my attention? You got it, pet. Be a good girl for me and let me just make use of you.” 

The prince's hard body part continues the journey inside you, this time there is no kindness or holding back. He simply keeps slamming inside of you, truly fucking you as you slightly close your eyes, barely containing your moans.

“Too much.” You beg, shivering and shaking with little electric shocks going all over your body.

Prince Aemond ignores you. “You will watch us both. You will watch your little friend here, fuck me, herself, and every fucking person in this shithole if I wish it. You'll watch her come and become a woman.” The prince tells Daros.

You try to interfere again but this time the Prince has spotted you. He glares before slamming back inside of you, this time spanking you roughly during the fucking he gives you.

Your cries become a soft mix of complaints and whimpers, leaving your mouth together with salvia as you eagerly buck back. You need him. You feel it builds to an extension where you can not handle it.

“Well, well, well.” He smirks, behind you still thrusting deep and steadily. “You watch her. Watch her close. This is going to be fun.” Prince Aemond declares.

Daros looks at your face, likely dirty of Aemond's spit early and your own drooling as well as sweat and dried tears and old blood. It truly looks like a mess you just know so.

Prince Aemond grins, panting as he grabs you by your hips, his cock finding your cunt once more. You are bent a bit lower, almost laying down when getting it as his thrusts only increase as does your desire. It builds rapidly as you dig your fingers into the mattress, your hips and back giving it your all to the prince. 

You gasp, wanting to leave it. “S-stop it's too much.” You beg. To that he only laughs.

“So much…I can't handle..”

But he does not listen. He keeps fucking you, his rhythm becoming a hard and fast mix. Your nails are hurting as is your cunt but you need to reach your height. You need it.

The prince simply pulls you a little closer and whispers in your ear, the cock up your cunt. “You will come now, little bastard. You'll soak my cock and in return, I'll coat your cunny with cum. How does that sound?”

As an answer you buck.

He grins, returning to giving it his all with rough trust that causes you to cry out.

You feel like a chain that has snapped. You feel as a ball thrown in the air that finally lands and as a bird that reaches its nest.

You make a strangled little cry that starts soft but ends with a powerful shout that expresses your desire and need. You hear a chuckle behind you, belonging to Aemond who takes you now that you are weak and soft.

You can't take it anymore and that is when you break, on his cock and when you finally find pleasure. Your moans are fast and greedy as the prince allows you to come with a cheeky grin on his face.

After you are done for, you feel him grab your tired hips and sink inside of you, much more painful than he was before. He roughly trusts and you whimper. 

After a rough few minutes you hear the prince hiss and feel him push one final time. “I'm going to come now, bastard.”

You hear him grunt.

You wonder what he means. That is until you feel a soft sharp pain and him finally leaving you be.

You sit up, looking at the bloodied spot at the sheets. Prince Aemond rubs his cock, as you lay on your side watching. When he is done there is white substance on his fingers. “Suck.” He tells you as if you are his mere pet.

You sit up straight, crying the moment that you do of muscle pain between your legs and your hips. Yet you bravely continue knowing the prince does not like to wait.

Your head is grabbed roughly and your mouth is forced open. The cock is put inside and your lips close around his head, sucking it. 

The prince sighs of relief and pleasure, nodding in approval as you slowly work on his cock. “Such a good pet.” He says.

You like hearing that. “Coming on my cock, and in front of your friend who is in love with you.” Aemond grins cruelly.

You avoid looking at Daros and him both as you feel shame and clear regret building inside of you.

“Don't feel bad, little pet. You didn't stand a chance. That cunny wanted a cock so badly. I never had a bedmate that desperate.” you refuse to acknowledge him.

The prince takes his cock out now that it's cleaned. You sit back on the bed, your thoughts racing. Prince Aemond dresses himself, clearly not intending to stay with you. “Go sit against the headboard.” He tells you.

You obey at first.

Until you see he is holding chains. Your smile dies and your worry grows as you already shake your head. “No, this is not needed. I don't need-”

“I do not trust you to stay. I liked fucking you, pet. So I have no intention to let you go.” He reveals as he comes a little closer.

“What about me? What will happen now that you made me watch her fuck?” Daros asks, spitting out the question and glaring at you.

“You sound angry.” Aemond concludes with a smile.

“I am.”

To you he glares. “I can't believe I liked you. You are no better than your sisters. You are just as much of a slut. It should have been obvious when you killed your father you’d do anything for this sick fuck.’’ He says. ‘’O, and your mother? If she knew this, she would be disappointed. Yes, she is alive.’’ 

You receive the one after the other heartbreaking news and to hear today of all days that your mother is alive is madness.

And to hear that he knew. Perhaps a day. Perhaps a week. A month? A year? A decade?

It does not matter what he knew.

It does not matter what you know.

And judging by Aemond’s smirk he is not coming to your aid either.

You eye the dagger on the bed, rage controlling you and for the first time in your life, you feel free as you rush at it, grab it from the bed and prepare to stab someone with it.

At first Aemond looks afraid, scared and worried. You rush over, you take a leap and stab, right into the heart of…

Daros.

Aemond releases a gasp of surprise as you drive the dagger through Daros’s heard, rapidly stabbing him when tears and snot stream out of your eyes and nose. Your naked body becomes soaked with blood as you take your anger and frustration out on Daros.

You don’t stop until it has become awfully quiet around you. Aemond has taken a seat in a chair, watching you intrigued with clear lust in his good eye, playing with his eyepatch. You look down at the man you saw once as a brother, aware that you killed him.

You drop the knife.

You begin to cry.

And you shake his body so violently that a cut of his arm rolls off, that you somehow sliced off.

‘’Daros?’’ Come back. Fuck. No. No!’ You scream at his corpse, hitting him across his face with weak little slaps.

He is gone.

Aemond stands up when you scream, perhaps at the gods, perhaps at yourself. He kneels down beside you, kissing your bloodied hands and licking away the tears and blood in your face, his hands quickly disarming you before you can stab him. “I love it when you surrender to your dark desires.” He whispers. ‘’Now get to bed. I won’t ask again.’’ He ties you up and leaves you there, bloodied and naked. He walks past the corpse of Daros, chuckling before he takes the dagger out.

You watch as Aemond cuts loose his head, and kicks against it, sending it in the direction of the door. He picks the head up as if it's a ball and locks the door behind him when he leaves, leaving you in a confused and utterly broken mental state.

[spaciebabie]

As a certified Springtrap simp, which backstory for William do you prefer: one where he was a good dad driven mad maybe by jealousy or the loss of his youngest child, or one where he was always an abusive narcisist that cared for nobody but himself?

i feel like the, "im evil so i must also abuse my creations and/or children" has been really overdone. like idk im just tired of seeing it personally. and the whole "haha!!! im craaaazy!!" thing we get in the comics also rubs me the wrong way b/c. thats not. how he's portrayed in the games at all. esp hearing him in sister location he feels like he would be a calm sort of madness. he seems like a rational guy. he doesnt talk like that. he doesnt act like that. it seems really contradictory

i feel like him being a good dad (or at the least caring deeply for his children) gives him more urgency and like,,,,makes sense w/what we're given. it aligns the most w/the theories we have asta why he started killing etc. i also just enjoy the tragedy of it. he started out as a good guy w/good intentions and then was twisted inta something unrecognizable b/c he was so focused on tryin ta reach his goal. personally my hc is that he was jelly of henry and then the death of crying child tipped him over the edge and started his whole killing thing. imo its better than, "hee hoo i was evil FOREVER!! im PURE evil and have always been EVIL!!!" like. okay. wheres the subsistence?? give him depth dammit

why would he build a robot for his daughter if he didnt love her. why would he tell crying child he would put him back together if he didnt love him (not really cemented as something he said, but i mean who else would say it?? certainly not michael he was a boy. i think as a fandom we assume its heavily implied). it makes the afton kid's deaths so much more impactful. the prospect of this man losing pieces of his life bit by bit and being driven insane by it is enthralling

i love a good chaotic descent. i love thinking abt him being consumed w/a need ta revive his own son becoming obsessed w/life and death as a result. oh the irony of loving your own kid so much you would take others children away from them, knowing how losing your own felt. and the twisting of emotions as he sees his son michael someone who he would've died for, try ta stop him. b/c hes not understanding, they need ta b together again. thats all hes tryin ta do. get his family back tagether. and all these fucking obstacles are in the way of his only goal. and the manifestation of hatred of his own son b/c of this. b/c hes getting in his way. like, talk abt juicy. i want that man ruined. it just adds a layer of psychological torture that i just adore. william fucking ruined everything. he ruined his own happy family, he ruined his own life, and if he actually mourns that? chefs kiss.

my thought is, why even have him have a family in the first place if they're just there ta demonstrate he's evil? seeing the afton family purely as a plot device, we already know afton killed kids. one can assume a person who kills kids is a bad person (maybe? see this is where the juiciness comes in w/him caring for his children. is it really bad from his perspective if hes trying ta save his kid? or is it noble?) so we dont need ta b demonstrated ta that hes a bad person again. if hes just pure evil from the get go it doesnt make sense ta me ta have the afton kids be prominent in the story (besides michael, but even then he could probably be replaced by one of the victims family members) when you could illustrate the same point by focusing on the kids hes killed and their families. why do the afton kids matter if he treats all children the same. why are we focusing so much on the afton family and what appear ta b major story beats in their story, especially since the children he has killed do not get as fleshed out as the aftons do. i feel like if his family wasnt important ta him we wouldnt hear abt it at all. you could achieve the same message by making him single and childless.

do u kno how many stories there are of "Righteous Child Of A Horrible Guy Who Hates Everything, Even Their Own Family, Goes Out Ta Stop Their Parent And Save The Day" there are? its b/c its too easy!!! its too easy for u ta assume that a character is the worst and has been the worst forever!!! its too easy ta assume that an evil character would abuse their family!!! its too easy ta assume an evil character wouldn't have traits besides jealousy, hatred and narcissism!!!!

[salon-maiden-anabel]

the more i think about your mom lucy hc, the more i really adore it. if you don't mind me asking questions about it, what's her general dynamic with kieran & carmine? is she a single mom? how does dahlia fit into the picture?

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY TO MY BRAINS BEEN. TRYING . the thoughts are disconnected but by god there are thoughts everything below the readmore

But! Hi hello welcome to Oh lord this family needs therapy and counselling . ! Honestly I have been going into everything with the idea of her being a single mom w/ them! It;s very much a situation of like.... Parent that works away from home constantly, so the relationship is just unfortunately naturally more strained kinda thing .

With all this i go with like.... The idea that they were very much born in Hoenn and lived there with Lucy until Carmine was approximately 9 or so, and Kieran was 7 [I do like to imagine they're 16 and 14 respectively as of the dlcs]. Work being so remote and stuff plus worrying about their education and all just led to living with their grandparents in Kitakami being the best decision for their development as yknow, People. I like to imagine Lucy visits periodically throughout the year and such to check in :> just takes a bit of coordinating. Also shes absolutely the reason they're able to go to blueberry for highschool via both making sure they Can go there financially and putting a word in to a battle focused school of them being kids of a facility head :p even if realistically Lucy isnt the strongest head by any means lol . it's kinda like if an E4 member put a good word in situation. And we can see with Lacey and Drayton both going there... gestures. I wouldnt be surprised if more children of different league figures go to it or schools LIKE it. But thats besides the point Lucy absolutely like, struggles with her emotions and such. Even from the small bits of dialogue we have from her? Maybe its just my autistic ass reading too much into it LMAO but . gestures .

i feel like if this werent a kids game she'd just tell you to fuck off to your face here

sorry just more quick looking too much into dialogue but. cmon. CMON. ...She's . definitely influenced how carmine and kieran act at least somewhat .

Carmine might be the easiest to point a finger to as being like her mom but i genuinely think that it;s actually Kieran who ended up the most Like her, yknow it;s incredibly obvious to point a finger at Kieran during indigo disk and how he talks as being her fault a little bit :p anyways thats just me vaguely mumbling abt that. AS FOR. DYNAMICS. Kieran isnt as close to his mom as Carmine is just due to everything with living with their grandparents. Theres also absolutely like.... Very much a gap because he stopped seeing her as much when he was younger, while Carmine was only a year off of being like. Legally start being a pokemon trainer age. And its just Awkward, relation wise, just because of how little she actually sees them through the years, especially when the discussion would slowly shift to more "How are your studies?" "How are you doing in school?" "How is your pokemon training going?" once they start going to blueberry. Which i don't think was ment to come off as uncaring for them and only focusing on training as it did from Lucy's end, but I dont really think she knew what else to ask and all, because she stopped being able to really pick up on their interests as much as they got older. Plus thats just kinda How she talks... With the importance on strength and luck n all that. Then with all this I imagine she like. Probably only called once maybe twice between the dlc plots n all? And once again with just mainly the training questions it was just a sour spot. I wouldn't doubt Kieran would also struggle with not wanting to be in a shadow/the nepo baby accusations /j that I fully think if Drayton knows about he'd tease him and Carmine about. So like. All that with the instilled importance of ones strength :sob: Lucy you were not helping the Kieran situation. Hell I don't really think she would of even known about anything going down between Kitakami to Blueberry with Kieran just because neither of them wanted to tell her at all? Because again just that Awkward connection between them, just the permanent fog on all communication that feels like someone said something wrong at all times and it got too awkward to finish. IDK I think im waffling on I don't know how to formulate my thoughts the best LMFAO BUT I THINK... DYNAMICS WOULD CHANGE POST-MOCHI MAYHEM ESP. Bc i KNOW she'd find out after carmine and kieran nearly fucking DIE in the underdepths and everything hits her in the back of her head at once that she needs to repair what she can w/ them because she almost lost them. Probably means taking an extended leave from working at the Pike so she doesn't have to worry about scheduling to see them in person for only a short period of time. Especially if the times line up for them having any extended break from school . It's never going to be perfect, far from it, with their dynamics and all but. gestures. Briar needs to sleep with one eye open for a bit at least. in short

AS FOR. DAHLIA im in turbo hell because I can not see? the siblings ending up like they did if she was also around? Shes such a force of positivity as a person im just. blinks a bit. Im in hell bc i adore the ship as my big rarepair ill die on a hill for but nobody expected the kitakami siblings especially not me so . i think if they ever do get together it'd be somewhere nearer to scarvio era which just. yeah. see image below

[arcticlutra]

There's something so great about Court of Owls!Tim and Janet idea cause it could go anyway.

It could go Tim having this absent but loving mother he loved dying tragically only to find out that not only is she still alive but she's also evil,

You can have Janet who chose her son over the Owls over and over again until she paid for it not without bringing a big part of it down with her though,

You can have a Tim who was secretly an Owl all along and keeping an eye on the Bats for them,

You can have a Tim who was being groomed into being a future member of Owls by the mother he should have been able to trust and now refuses to let anyone close,

You can have two people who love each other but are at odds because they'll do anything for their families they choose-Bats or Owls,

You can have a Tim who started as an Owl and now doing everything he can to fix their and his mistakes and gain trust of people he grew to care and a Janet who is amused by her son's teenage rebellion

You can have two equally ruthless people who will stop at nothing to destroy each other even if it means burning down the entire city of Gotham in their war

You can have a Janet who is very good at keeping her work and personal life separate

And personally my favourite- the comedy of two passive aggressive enemies pretending to be a Normal civilian family (Janet: Oh Timmy :) it appears your grades are in risk of slipping again :) you should probably stop with those useless rpgs of yours :) wouldnt want to risk your life and future sweetie :) :) :) :). Tim: Well mother :) i for one think it's because of certain barn owls hooting all night :) kept me up all night :) dont worry i will be getting rid of them :) :) :) :). Jack, an idiot: oh i didnt know we had barn owls all the way in Gotham city)

Exactly! I honestly just think Janet has amazing potential when she's evil or morally ambiguous(er).

I will admit I love villain!Tim but I also like the idea of Janet faking her death to take the helm of the Court while subtly keeping an eye on Tim. Then she tried to isolate him from the Bats and slowly corrupt him until she has him join the Court willingly.

If Bernard is a Court member too and she sees the pull between them...well what loving mother would ever stand in the way of true love (when it can serve various ends)?

I did write a fic where Janet was part of the Court. But she was already dead. Ah fun times.

[applesjuice]

By that, I meant what was his life, how did he come to be in a human family, if he goes to school, etc etc...

Oooh ok! So in my version of the AU ogerpon stuck around the mask maker's family for generations, just to check in. He was too scared to go into the town and luckily their house was on the outskirts. The older members of the family had a bit of an idea he was there so they'd leave little offerings like toys and treats out for him to take.

Putting under a cut since it got super long again...

It wasnt until the current generation of the family that he really got involved and that was because of Carmine. It has been ages since the family had a kid there. The younger family members tended to move away and then come back when they were older. But Carmine's parents passed away and her grandparents were the only ones willing to take her in. She was really young when this happened and tended to get into a lot of trouble.

So Ogerpon and Carmine had a bit of a Totoro situation going on initially. As she got older she kind of "outgrew" her imaginary friend ogerpon and her grandparents just knew that hurt the ogre. They actually approached ogerpon themselves one day, hiked up to his den and everything, and explained about how the Teal Mask worked, and how they could tweek it a bit to offer one wish. It was a comet sliver similar to what was found in the crystal pool. Their family had been holding onto it for generarions specifically for ogerpon, and they thought maybe now their relationship was good enough he'd accept it.

So ogerpon did and wished to be a human so he could have a family and people who loved him and wouldnt forget or leave him. And now suddenly there's a little boy who looks like them, no way they're not bringing him home. Only thing is ogerpon is a pokemon and doesnt know how to human, so for a while he won't go inside their house and would hide under the porch and need to be hosed down for bathtime.

Carmine obviously had questions but luckily she didnt know where babies came from so they told her thats your little brother he grew from a peach and she's like "sounds legit." There werent any other kids her age in town at the time so she genuinely thought Kieran was weird but he is a boy and boys are weird so him living under the porch for a few months is normal.

Eventually ogerpon grows into being the human named Kieran, gets domesticated lol, and is very happy. But also terrified of anyone finding out he's a pokemon, let alone the ogre. He has issues around crowds, new people, and doesnt really get social cues but he's trying. Him and Carmine are homeschooled because they are in the middle of nowhere, but Carmine loves pokemon and battling and works her butt off to get into BB academy. So she goes off and leaves Kieran behind.

So Kieran comes to the decision he wants to go to human school too. He like, needs Carmine, in that she is his buffer against the world. But also he heard how Carmine fought with their grandparents about wanting go to school, experience the world etc. And even though all he really wants is to belong somewhere, he is very curious about human school.

Only this human school is focused on battle. Kieran has never been in a pokemon battle but ogerpon sure has. And honestly ogerpon doesnt mind battling, he's a pokemon, it's how they communicate and settle arguements. Thing is "humans" can't battle eachother apparently that is illegal so he goes out and asks his besties if they want to go to human school with him as their trainer. (So Furret, Yanma and Applin) they think the idea is hilarious because pokemon dont direct other pokemon in battles. Lets go mess with everyone in human school lol.

So my Kieranpon battles. It's more rare since he is afraid of outing hiself by accidentally boosting his team's stats in excitement. That has happened before. And guess what they get in. Carmine is shook because wtf Kiki you don't battle?? Yes he does you just never asked.

BB Academy is incredibly overwhelming and Kieran becomes a wallflower almost instantly because it is taking so much out of him to adjust. But the Terrarium is fantastic, he loves it. He gets a bit of a reputation as a pokemom whisperer but its kind of more the campus meme no one really takes seriously. But they should because you should hear half of the shit these pokemon tell him about their trainers. He knows all the gossip. Everyone should be glad he writes like a toddler because Kieranpon's burn book would be devastating.

Teal Mask DLC would go pretty similarly, except Kieran's upset about the ogre is an old frustration at Carmine for not believing him, and as a result believing IN him (ogerpon). I'll use Juliana as the protagonist here though it wouldn't change if it's Florian. But his downward spiral is because of Carmine immediately believing their grandfather when he says ogerpon is good but not him even though he's been trying to convince her for years! And then she's trying to be all nice to the ogre but is going out of her way to leave him out, and so his his new friend wtf? It hurts to be purposefully left out of something, it really does.

So Kieran's downward spiral is more about Carmine not trusting him, coming to terms with how she doesnt remember how close they were when she was young because she adored the ogre so much then. And his overall upset that despite trying so hard to be a human its not enough because he became a whope person for her, so she wouldnt be lonely, and she's moved on from him, keeps trying to leave him behind, and won't meet him at where he's trying to come from. So yea Carmine discovers her brother is a pokemon after they get back ogerpon's masks. cue the drama.

She's mad, kieran's mad and very upset, their grandparents are trying to mediate. But once again kieran is a pokemon and pokemon don't talk to sort out their issues they battle. Ogerpon wiped the floor with Carmine's pokemon becauae they are still underestimating him (also he's like...a pseudo legendary?? Girl) So juliana steps in and she gets it. They battle, she's everything he wishes he could be as a person, she's everything he's not but through their battle he understands her fears, her flaws, how much she's struggled and finally someone gets where he is coming from. She beats him and kieran offers to let her catch him. Carmine is upset because wtf that is still her brother you can't take him so then she challenges Juliana to keep ogerpon.

Their fight is more Juliana trying to get through to Carmine that catching ogerpon isnt about ownership but more of a symbolic gesture that ogerpon (kieran) is ready to be loved, to be tamed. Juliana wins, catches ogerpon with a friendship ball, and gives it to Carmine.

Like she said catching a pokemon isnt always about posession or ownership. It's a connection between a person and pokemon. Her and kieran may have a connection but that doesn't mean ogerpon (kieran) is now hers.

Indigo Disk there is some drama but it's more Kieran needing to prove he can protect himself (he lost to Juliana she was a strong trainer and he wouldn't mind being a partner to her) but kieranpon here is working through some ptsd after the Loyal Three came back to life and stole his masks. So it's Carmine and his team trying to help him cope and stop being so self destructive. He's snappy but not cocky, more like zero patience because he's so exhausted from lack of sleep and constantly being terrified. More than once he'd accidentally stepped onto the court sending "himself" out to battle and other league members are like "this kid is wild kieran is nuts he tried to throw down with my slowbro"

Indigo Disk is the we face our trauma dlc. BB elite four eventually find out, not from Carmine or Juliana thet are very tight lipped about Kieran's secret. Not too sure atm how they find out but they do. Kieran needs more human friends who accept both sides of him.

Not sure about ships yet. I like kieran with the mc but not too sure on my feelings of shipping a pokemon with a human. Maybe him and Juliana would have a queerplatonic relationship going on? But no ships for now.

Also post indigo disk kieran loves Juliana's paladea friends. He think Nemona is stupidly cool she's literally a shonen protagonist he's kind of obsessed. Arven is secretly his favorite person in the world because Arven feeds him. Him and Penny have this oh thank god another introvert thing going on where they both like sitting in the dark and fluffy things.

[br1ghtestlight]

random thought but i love eugene mirman's gene sounds ESPECIALLY when gene is sleeping. they're so good & cute

louise tina bob and linda looking @ gene literally exactly like this when he forgets how his song goes at breakfast LMAOO

love that tina and louise seem to actually pay attention to what songs gene is writing and what they're about despite the fact that there are SO MANY. supportive family <3

gene's dream.... bro that was god speaking to you. like for real wtf

also im only a minute in and there are SO MANY good screenshots already he's such a cutie i love him so much!!!! <3 gene episodes my beloved

"Now I'm going to change into last night's pajamas, AKA my only pajamas, and brush my teeth with Tina's toothbrush because that's what I accidentally did last night."

"Wait, what?"

gene and tina are so silly?? 😭

me and gene share many similarities including waking up in the middle of the night every two hours for no fucking reason. like THATS relatable

MR AMBROSE APPEARANCE LETS FUCKING GOOO‼️‼️ why does his voice sound slightly sped up is he okay. does he have a new voice actor?? he sounds slightly off not like in a bad way its just strange

THERE WAS A NEW VOICE ACTOR BCUZ BILLY EICHNER WASNT CREDITED maybe bcuz its such a small appearance but thats very weird. i feel like mickey fans in season 12 episode 6 when loren did that horrible mickey impression 😭😭 also whoever did his voice in this episode wasnt credited so it was somebody from the main cast doing an impression of him. will try to figure out who. sorry episode review cancelled i need to figure out who the hell voiced mr ambrose in this episode

based on the fact that u cant obviously tell who it is i dont think its eugene mirman and probably not h jon benjiman?? dan mintz can only do one voice so its not him either. probably either john roberts larry murphy or a random crew member who they didnt bother to credit

(most likely billy eischner just wasn't avaliable to voice mr ambrose due to his movie career etc so i dont blame them but it was noticeable enough to ME that i needed to figure it out. not even a bad impression honestly the average fan wouldnt notice)

"What do you lucid dream about?"

"I do revenge stuff on people who were mean to me in high school, some fantasy and science fiction, some adult stuff I can't tell you about."

this is literally the gayest thing mr ambrose has ever said omg FHFMDDJKSKS i cant believe this drama club ass nerd was bullied in high school who could have guessed. not me thats for sure

(now somebody has to write a fanfic about mr ambrose having Adult Stuff dreams about mr frond. i want this on my desk by 3pm tomorrow)

love mr ambrose and his gay ass curly hair..... mr ambrose my beloved <33 kisses u

i dont have anything to say im just strangely invested in gene's lucid dreaming plot at this point. Love all his silly little dreams and its incredible he never seems to have any nightmares or anything!!

this is reminding me of the movie where gene had a dream and he was scared that he wasn't good at music and that people weren't going to like his performance and the aliens came down to told him to stop 😭😭💔 his insecurity that he might not be that good a musician literally makes me cry. he's so sweet and kindhearted my babyy boy

CAN I SKIP SCHOOL AND GO BACK TO SLEEP LMAO

"Even successful musicians went to sixth grade, Gene."

"That's a MYTH!!"

weirdly mr ambrose started sounding completely normal at some point like did his voice actor come back and just wasn't credited?? or whoever did this impression was REALLY good jfc

mr ambrose HATES these fuckign kids bro

HES SO UNHINGED LMAO 😭😭

NOT THE STARING AGAIN. why are they literally just this image every single time gene plays music in this episode im gonna cry

love this specific frame of gene running his hand through his hair

awww bob is such a good dad

sidenote but this subplot with tina and louise is so stupid it actually made me laugh LMAO the fucking girl cricket. thr female cricket. like what if he's gay huh what then

"or if she's not his type she also makes a great best friend. she's a good listener" THANK YOU louise for acknowledging the cricket might be gay. she's an ally 🙏

AWW GENE WRITING HIS SONG <3 eugene mirman isnt a Good singer (not hating he literally says that all the time. they have to record each line seperately bcuz he cant sing on key) so its hard to tell when they're trying to make gene's songs seem good or not but this is really sweet. u can tell he just loves music so much

why is gene's song kinda making me emotional..... like this show is usually 50/50 on if it actually wants to take gene's songwriting ability seriously but in this episode its so clear how much he LOVES music and songwriting and how talented he is at it. he has trouble with focus and commitment sometimes but thats never an issue when it comes to his music and he'd happily spend an entire afternoon writing a song from start to finish (even skipping out on dinner) because he was so hyperfocused. love how much respect they give gene in this episode tbh

deeply appreciate the "larry murphy as teddy" credit despite teddy not having one single line in this entire episode. Literally just a legacy credit at this point

I LOVED THIS EPISODE 😭😭💕 i dont think it'll be as widely popular as some other episodes this season but as a gene fan and an artist this episode really resonated with me. the ending sequence was actually really beautiful (gives me the same vibes as "your heart's not broken its only growing" tbh) and i loved gene's song and all the different costumes they put him in for his dreams!! tina and louise's subplot was really cute too. very enjoyable episode if you're a gene fan or just a casual viewer who wishes he got more focus. he's SO SWEET and so passionate <3

[mikka-minns]

"Blessed Curses" chapter 1

An AU by me. In advance, i apologize if its a bit messy. Also, there Will be kuai x hanzo implied/hinted in one of the next chapters (probably third), so i guess i should warn you. This chapter will focus on Kuai and his "origin" + his friendship with Tomas. Its written in Kuai's perspective, even what is in the brackets. There is also a personal headcanon of mine about Kuai that i hope some poeple notice (its just me projecting again! Yay! 🙃)

Tagging @infernoinvictus and @dinainwater cuz yall inspired me to actualy write this instead of just thinking about it. Love ya! ❤️

Also TW: mentiones of abuse and child negelect

The Ones who will pass on his powers. His legacy. The Ones that will bring honor to his clan.

The grandmaster's sons. His pride and joy.

That is a fantasy. But it was real... All until i ruined it.

My father was a grandmaster of the lin kuei. He possesed cryomancy, the ability to control ice. It was a power passed down for generations. For centuries. Once, there were many people who had it. But not anymore. Now, it is only our family. Our bloodline. And we should continue to pass it down no matter what.

That is.... My brother should pass it down... As i cannot.

My brother developed his abilities at a yound age. He started training right away, even though he was too young, even for our clan's standard.

I, however, started training and then puberty before i got my powers. I Also started young, not as young as my brother, but young. It was Expected that i too would become a cryomancer soon enough.

But.... That didnt happend.

The older he grew, the less time could my brother spend with me. He was nine years older than me. By the time i started, he was already going on supervised missions.

All i wanted was to be like my brother. To be with him, by his side. Father couldnt be there for us. All we had was each other. But it soon changed when a boy my age joined us. He was about a year older than me. Closer to my age than my brother's. He was adopted by my father after his family was killed by the guards. He seemed to resent the whole clan. Everyone except.... Me. We were the only children there and so we understood each other quite well. I found out his name was Tomas. I was the first person he told his name. The first person he spoke to, actualy. Until then, we all Thought he was deaf or mute.

What Was unexpected was that that Tomas Also had an ability. But his wasnt genetic. He could control and turn into smoke. We found out when he had a panic attack for the first time, around a month after he was taken in. He was partialy a cloud of Smoke and partialy a human. He barely calmed down and turned his powers off.

What realy scared everyone was that his powers came from a demon named Enenra. Everyone but me. It amused me greatly.

After his ability,his curse, was revieled, Tomas  was proclaimed as a "cursed child". Aperantly, his "family" that was killed, wasnt his family, but the cult member that tried to sacrifise him to the demon. Once that didnt work and the demon possesed him and.... Became his Protector, they tried to sell him to the lin kuei. But instead, they got what they deserved.

I said "Protector" because it seems that Enenra only awakend when it felt Tom (my nickname for him. I love giving nicknames)needed protection from something or Someone. That was the reason why he was never outright attacked or executed for his "curse".

I was his only friend and he was mine. But our father tried to separate us. He Thought i would gain a bad reputation by being close to him, even tho he too was his son. My brother. I wouldnt let that happend. My first brother got taken away from me for no good reason, i wouldnt let Them take my new one away. They couldnt convinced me to let him go. Whatever reason they gave me, it was never enough. "He is cursed" so what? "He is dangerous" only when he is in danger. "He will cannot be controled" GREAT! Neither can i. If anything, i was more of a trouble maker so they should've told him to stay away from me.

"He will hurt you" like the whole clan doesnt already.... Only Tomas didnt hurt. So.... Check mate.

It seemed that however everyone felt about something, i felt the opposite. I never wanted to do something if there was no good reason for it. Sometimes, the older members would tell me that i could never become an important figure in the clan if i associated with people like Tomas, but it didnt bother me. My position in the clan was WAY less important than my relationships with people i cared about.

Everyone, even my other brother, was trying to convince me to drop the emotions and focus on my training and "what mattered" until they decide that i was Also something.... Not normal.

That was the day i finaly got my powers. But those werent the powers everyone was expecting. True, some People were sure i will never have cryomancy, but even they couldnt predict this.

I had pyromancy. The ability to control fire. It happend sudenly when i was fourteen. I was hanging out with Tomas. We were talking about something (i still cant remember what) when i felt something in my chest. It was a weird feeling that i've never felt before. Now, it seems that i felt.... Nostalgic. In that moment, my whole body was covered in flames. I was so happy.... For some reason. Truth be told, i was always attracted by fire. The little flames on the candles. The fire on which food was cooked in the kitchen. The big flames that i only dreamt of when i was young even tho i have never seen them in real life. Fire was so colorful. So free. So.... Warm... Something that wasnt common in Artica, where we lived.

To my suprise, nobody except Tom was happy for me. No one was proud of my powers. I thought that i would be special. No one else had fire abilities. At that time, i didnt even know it was possible to have them, i didnt know they had a name. The only person that had similar powers was Tomas, so it excited me that we had something similar.

But that was the same thing that the clan was afraid of.

"He is cursed!" an old clan member yelled as he saw me walk into the temple, still burning.

"See! He was around the cursed child and now he is cursed as well!" another one proclaimed. Quite proud.

My father only stared at me. Terrified. The closer i tried to get to him, thinking he would be proud, he only got further away. The next thing i remember, i was frozen. Not by my father, but by Bi han... My older brother.

I woke up in my Bed. No one was in the room with me, but i could hear many voices right outside.

"Let me in! He needs me!" that was Tomas, no doubt about it.

"Stay away! You caused it! Grandmaster, allow us to-"

"Let him in." my father demanded.

Tom flew right in and hugged me. His eyes were red and puffy... He was crying... This was the first time i was ever hugged....

Soon after, my father walked in. He looked at me.

He wanted to say something, but he didnt. He left Tomas and me alone to calm down.

Later that week, when i was able to get out of my room, he told me to stay away from any type of fire and to never, ever, use my powers. From that day on, i hated fire, warmth and everything related to it. It made my life a living hell! I was deemed deserving of any kind of disrespect and abuse the clan would put on me. "The lin kuei who cant become the honor of the clan, must become it's burden! " as if anyone in the clan was honorable.

Both Tomas and i were forbiden from using our powers. That didnt stop Tom, cuz it didnt stop Enenra. I dont hate Tomas, or his powers or even Enenra. I knew they werent truly a curse. Enenra might be a demon, but it was more honorable, more caring than anyone in our cruel clan. There was a reason why it let Tomas live instead of taking him over completely. There was a reason why it awoke only when he was in danger.

I could not say the same for myself. I dont use my powers. They were a curse. The only way to control fire was to learn to do it, and even that was Almost Impossible. The only Ones born with it... Are demons from the netherrealm..... Some would say that i was actualy a demon child and that i was a replacement for grandmasters real son who was take to the netherrealm. Some even called me a "changeling". My powers were seen as a punishment from gods. An "unfair" punishment. I know that, since i saw Enenra as something good, i should have seen my powers as somthing positive as well, but i couldn't. I just couldn’t. My powers.... my curse, was a punishment. I was a punishment.

The one thing that brought me comfort were Tom's words "Were there is smoke, there is fire. We may not share blood, but we are brothers. I will always be by your side, Kuai Liang, dont forget that!" and i never did.

And i continued not to use them until my father's sudden death, when Bi han became the grandmaster. He ordered me to train my powers and master them as soon as i could. I did. It felt... Good. But i still could not complitely feel positive about them after all they caused me. All the pain, shame... They were uncontrolable at first, which made us all think that they realy are just danger, but Bi han said its because i didnt use them. Because i was scared of them and didnt trust them. He was right, it seems.

He also ordered that whoever speaks negatively of me and Tomas and our abilities will be punished. But that couldnt take back what Was already said... And done.

[ilynpilled]

Is there any hint Jaime could possibly have dyslexia or a learning disability in books? I think I've heard that it wasn't, but idk it feels like that's a detail from the show that did well portraying Jaime. Idk maybe it's my learning disability ass but I loved that!! But I also just love looking at Jaimes insecurities. It could be another detail that kept him relying on masking/being ultra warrior bc he probably doesn't think of himself as very smart.

yeah the insecurity regarding his intelligence, especially in terms of book smarts, is present in the books too. he really admires the quality in tyrion, and emulates it, often successfully too [saving brienne from rape, achieving things like manipulating shagwell without the methods he previously relied on (force, or even status at some point doesnt work so he has to really think outside of the box, like again, sapphires), tyrion rescue mission, the riverlands .] he can also be very perceptive. he is pretty good at noticing weak points. he hones in on cat’s relationship with jon, he does the same with brienne, looking out for and noticing all of her insecurities in response to her dehumanizing him, and the same happens with loras & kind of using his relationship with renly to prevent the bloodshed in the yard. he is actually just a good mediator in general. that makes so much sense to me bc of his role in his family. he is the only member that everyone likes, while every other party would love to tear each other to shreds, so his specific role in an abusive household is very clear. anyway, jaime’s most severe insecurity is being viewed as a monster. for this reason, he seeks out that *thing* in everyone else so he is not as vulnerable. he can be very good at reading certain people, this is also why his perspective is so popular among readers imo. like he also has an air of tyrion to him, he can also provide a new, and often clearer, vision of certain characters because of his personality & experience (like his argument with brienne regarding robert). this is also just funny when he has such major blindspots regarding other things (romanticization of cersei and sometimes the old kg, though he goes back and forth w this). i think post aerys, jaime really did resolve to not really make decisions anymore and not being someone with responsibility (he was never that interested in power, even before that, but i think he was not that opposed to responsibility, he was ready to be the heir, he did want to be a kg and a good knight), instead, he dissociated and lived pretty much on autopilot. even when he was a commander he was reckless enough to always be on the frontlines and was okay with dying (see the whispering wood). he was impatient and very impulsive because he dreads facing “knots and tangles” (like the horrid moral knot that the aerys situation was, and its devastating consequences) so instead of even trying to think about them he wants to just make them disappear and cut through them. until he cant. for multiple reasons, external and internal. until he has to sit down and untangle them. and he proves himself capable. i liked the learning disability aspect that he was given in the show, it is a nice dimension, and i think he has attributes that i really relate to as well (like how he can fixate and excel in one thing & put all his focus on it, how he keeps saying “oh tyrion would talk so much about history here haha nerd” and then proceeds to spend 2 pages infodumping loras with kg lore, or that one scene where he gets distracted counting coins lol), but i think a lot of it already makes sense without that being actually canon, idk like i wouldnt actually diagnose him (he has no trouble reading from what we have seen) but i am not about to come for anybody’s headcanons

[spatio-rift]

my honest opinion is that a lot of people couldnt care less about neji but its a convenient excuse to hate hinata LOL so many people dont even know how the hyuuga clan works or their situation in shippuden and boruto nor do they understand who hinata is and why she does what she does... technically so much of the hyuuga issues have already been addressed granted not in a satisfying way (offscreen) but still it is in the text.

i cant remember if it is ever explicitly said that they dont put the seal on branch members anymore but i feel like thats pretty implied by this as well. and anyway by boruto era it seems pretty obvious hanabi is the heiress yet hinata was never marked with the seal, and no i dont think its "main family privilege". boruto and himawari* arent part of the equation because kishimoto forgot to give them the byakugan (which theyre supposed to have at birth... without any "awakening", its not the sharingan)

something i see a lot also is complaints that naruto became hokage and never did good on his promise to change the hyuuga clan but like... we already have neji and hinata, hyuuga clan members & each from a different side of the family, working together to change &unite their clan. whats naruto got to do with it lol. theres nothing left for him to do & its not like he needs to hand out sanctions as hokage since the hyuuga clan.... doesnt do that shit anymore !!!!! +that kind of thing doesnt really have its place in the story by shippuden, its just not the same kind of work as part1. the scale of the conflicts is too grand to deal with intra village stuff

moving on. sadly as much as i understand the sentiment behind posts saying hiashi should simply undo the seal on branch members that is impossible again its in the text.

like the fact that the seal cannot be undone and looms over the branch family until they die is MAJOR to that whole storyline. neji mentions several times that the branch familys only freedom is in death. &personally i wouldnt WANT there to be an easy way out because it dramatically lessens the impact of the hyuuga clan storyline

i also see a lot of people mocking hinata for jumping into the fight between naruto and pain like "she thought she really did something 💀💀" that sort of thing but again. ITS IN THE TEXT. she knows she doesnt stand a chance. but atp naruto cant move and the whole village is just watching without moving a finger.

she loves him, of course shes not gonna just watch him die without doing anything even if that means going against someone she has no chance to defeat. she had to try

i can defend her for the hand holding scene after nejis death i just dont even want to try. i will lose 10 years of my life from rage if i think about what people say about her because of it again