#so between this better career shift where I’m actually valued and respected and putting my energy into better things my mental health is 🌟

[harmonizingsunsets]

I can feel your heart beating under my skin

Day 4 of Kate x Anthony week, prompt: no ifs, ands, or buts.

Archive link here.

(Also inspired by the leaked photos of season 2)

The Bridgertons invited the three Sharma's out for the last horse race of the season for entertainment. However, Kate knew this was all a scheme so Anthony could spend more time with Edwina. She didn't doubt the Bridgertons enjoyed watching a horse race, as they seem like the competitive sort. But, she knew Anthony's true intentions behind the invitation.

When they arrive at the event, Anthony's waiting right in the front. He smiles from across the way, and it grows even more prominent as Kate intensifies her glare.

"He looks rather handsome today, don't you think?" Edwina whispers.

"The color doesn't suit him," Kate shakes her head. However, her eyes linger up and down his form. "But I don't blame the shade. I don't think anything suits him."

"You both are wearing blue. It's like fate!"

Kate thinks that if fate was involved, it's more so a cruel twist of it than any romantic notions Edwina has in her mind.

As they near Anthony, his eyes find hers. She tries conveying as much distaste for being in his company that she can, without looking too impolite. Within a few seconds, Mary nudges her arm, making Kate think she hadn't succeeded in being conspicuous of her hatred.

He and the other Bridgertons escort them inside, but Kate stops by the betting area. It leads her and Anthony to row about the horses.

Kate wants to place a bet on the horse Apollo. While she's never been to a race in person, she keeps up with records in the paper. The odds aren't in his favor, as it's his first season, but he's been improving steadily over the past few months. Kate has a feeling that today will be his day.

Anthony, however, was placing all his money on Archer, the favorite of the year. Kate forces herself to raise her head high as she places her bet, showing complete confidence in her choice despite Anthony's warnings.

Edwina and Mary didn't place any bets. To be fair, Kate hadn't planned to make a bet either. However, she seems to be doing many unexpected things whenever she's in the presence of Lord Bridgerton.

When they make it up the steps to their seats, Kate asserts herself between Edwina and him. Anthony gives her an annoyed look, knowing what she's doing. Kate smiles broadly in response, turning her face towards the track.

"You can still back out, you know," Anthony whispers beside her. "They usually don't let people retract their bets, but I think they could make an exception. You know, if I tell them you're soon to be part of my family."

"No exception needs to be made. I am not backing out," Kate states firmly. "Why would I, when I have the winning horse?"

"Your winning horse hasn't won a single race in his career."

"It's his first year. His career is just getting started," Kate defends, squirming slightly. "Today is the day he will succeed."

"It's just like you not to root for the most accomplished horse, the one with the most promising record. Your logic goes beyond sense."

"And your pride goes beyond reason," Kate snaps.

"Beyond reason? Status, money, and coming from a good family are not reasons?"

Kate frowns, knowing that they are good reasons. They are reasons that would make any other sister proud to approve of such a match for their sibling. But it wasn't fair that Edwina had to take on so much pressure to marry well. Edwina should marry someone she has affection towards, who isn't such a rake.

But while Kate knows Edwina didn't love Anthony, nor would ever love him, she knows Edwina could be content. Anthony could give her anything she desired. She would be a viscountess, and their marriage, while not founded in love, could perhaps be based on respect. Most people were not so lucky to have such a match.

Yet, Kate couldn't approve the union. Not just because he was a rake, or because Kate found him intolerable—but because of something else. Something she can't describe but can feel twisting painfully in her gut whenever she pictures Edwina and Anthony together.

"They are reasons that society values, and I cannot ignore having merit," Kate relents after a moment, her words careful but firm. "But, they are not the only factors that matter."

Anthony's anger fades a little, his eyes focusing intently on hers. "What factor am I missing?"

Kate opens her mouth to respond but finds her throat dry. Anthony's eyes pivot their focus on her eyes to her parted lips.

She feels something undefinable in her stomach again. But this time, it's not a painful sensation. It's something warm and is more of a fluttering feeling instead of a tug. The only thing similar to what she feels when thinking of Edwina and Anthony is the same deep ache. It starts in the pit of her stomach and flows throughout her body.

Kate's startled out of her thoughts as she hears a horse neighing in the distance, kicking at the doors that contain them.

"It's about to start," Kate says, standing up with the rest of the crowd.

Anthony blinks a few times as if he'd just looked right into the sunlight and nods.

They both turn to the track. The crowd is abuzz with excitement. Kate hears someone countdown, and the horses begin running.

Kate gets swept up in it, standing up and shouting encouragement as Apollo gallops farther forward each second. Anthony cheers loudly for his horse beside her, who has a lead over the rest.

Kate also hears what she thinks are curses from Lady Danbury behind them. She mutters something about ill-advice she'd gotten before the race.

As the horses round the corner, Apollo edges past Archer, his speed increasing. Kate, in her excitement, whistles loudly, not caring at the moment how unladylike she appears.

When the horses are a few feet within the finish line, Kate feels a flash of lightning strike her palm.

Anthony's hand is suddenly in hers, gripping it tightly in anticipation as he watches the race.

Kate's breath comes in and out more sharply, unable to steady the pace of it. Her senses, instead, are all at work in her hand. They memorize the grooves of his palm and the warmth of his touch.

At that moment, Kate thinks her hand has never served its entire purpose as a hand until Anthony held onto it.

Apollo was edging past Archer, but her eyes couldn't focus on the horse. She stares at his bare hand, resting on top of her glove. Kate finds herself curious how it would feel if she took her glove off and entwined her fingers with his.

If Anthony's hand on her glove summoned lighting, she can't imagine what kind of storm would appear if his skin brushed against hers.

As the crowd's cheers become louder, she forces her eyes towards the track and sees her horse cross the finish line. Anthony's hand falls from hers, his mouth wide in shock. Kate jumps up and down in delight.

"I won!"

"You didn't win. The horse did," Anthony says bitterly.

"The horse I bet on, the one you said I was a fool to choose because no one else bet on it." Kate folds her arms across her chest with a triumphant smirk. "Well, Lord Bridgerton, sometimes the best bets are on overlooked things."

Anthony's disappointed expression falters, his eyes studying her intently.

"Perhaps you're right," he murmurs.

Kate smirks. "Did you just say I'm right?"

"I said perhaps," he specifies with a roll of his eyes. "I should fetch some refreshments if you're feeling faint and missing entire words from other's sentences."

"I don't feel faint. Actually, I feel better than I have in a long time."

Edwina stands from where she had remained sitting the entire race. "I could do with a refreshment."

Anthony startles a bit, appearing as if he'd forgotten she was there.

"Ah, yes...of course. I shall return shortly."

"When you return, I shall be a richer woman," Kate says before he turns away, unable to resist continuing to jest about his loss. "I will pay you back for the refreshment since you are recently low on money."

"You are not a humble winner, Ms. Sharma."

"No, but I am a victorious one."

He shakes his head at her, but she can see a bit of amusement twitching at his lips as he turns away. Kate watches him leave for a moment. When she turns back around, she sees Edwina watching her with a coy smile.

"So, did you enjoy the race?" Kate asks.

"Not as much as I enjoyed watching you and Lord Bridgerton."

Kate gaps at her sister. "What are you referring to?"

"Oh, please! He forgot I was next to him. His only focus was on the horses, you, and your hand."

Kate shifts her feet awkwardly. "Perhaps he thought it was yours."

"Or perhaps, your hand was more enticing than mine."

Kate sighs. "Edwina, that's not—."

"Kate, it's alright," Edwina assures, not looking bothered in the slightest.

"No, it's not," Kate insists. "He's your suitor, a suitor who I do not approve of but is one nonetheless. He should pay attention to you and not the horses."

Edwina puts her hands on her hips. "Or perhaps, he's taking your advice and paying attention to a bet that's overlooked but extremely valuable."

Before Kate can respond, Anthony approaches their side, holding out glasses of water. "Here are the refreshments."

Edwina takes a glass, but Kate doesn't take hers, stepping around him. "I should head up to the box to claim my winnings."

"Would you like me to accompany you?"

Kate narrows her eyes. "I think I can make it a few yards without a gentlemen's protection."

"Excluding my brothers in attendance, most men here are not gentlemen," he argues.

"Yes, especially when putting you into account," Kate says, enjoying the way his face hardens at her insult. "But, I think I can manage."

She doesn't want to leave Edwina alone with him, but Mary is on her other side, and his brothers are close as well. She doesn't trust Anthony as far as she can throw him, but she doubts anything improper would occur in such a public place or the presence of family members.

After claiming her winnings, Kate begins to walk back to her seat but bumps into Mrs. Bridgerton.

"Congrats on your win, Ms. Sharma," Violet says before Kate can get out her apology.

"Thank you, Mrs. Bridgerton," she says. "Did you bet on one of the horses?"

"I bet on something before the race, but it wasn't on one of the horses."

Kate quirks her head. "Oh really?"

"It was a bet that Colin proposed, that Benedict bet against, and I bet for," she explains, a joyful sparkle in her eyes. "I am proud to say that my son Benedict lost."

"What was the bet? That Lady Danbury would jump and ride her horse to victory if it hadn't gone fast enough?"

"No, but that would have been quite the sight," Violet chuckles.

"Then what was it about?"

"Let's just say the horses we bet on are closer than the ones on the track."

Kate's face flushes, and Violet's smile widens.

"Have a good afternoon, Ms. Sharma. Wish your sister my best."

"I...yes, of course," she stutters.

Instead of rejoining the group, Kate waits for them near the entrance gate. But she's not alone for too long. She sees Anthony approaching her by himself. The others must be still chatting in their seats. Kate considers turning away, but she knows it would look like she's trying to escape from him.

"So, you gathered your winnings for the horse?" he asks, pointing at the pouch in her hand.

"I—uh, yes. It's from no other bet, I assure you."

"You're cowering out on gambling after you've had your first win?" Anthony steps towards her and shrugs. "Just as well, it was due to beginners' luck, anyway."

"It was not luck. I made the right bet," Kate corrects. "Why can't you admit that I bested you?"

"Where would be the fun in that?"

"This is fun?"

Anthony's eyes gleam wickedly. "Well, it is, isn't it?"

Kate's heart quickens, and she takes a step back.

"I should go to my sister, make sure you didn't sneak some potion into her drink to convince her that you're not intolerable," Kate says, changing the topic. "But if such a potion did exist, I doubt it would be strong enough."

As Kate begins to walk back, she uses the railing on the other side for balance. But as she reaches the edge, a nail snags on her glove, slashing right through it.

Kate curses under her breath, clutching her hand. Anthony quickly runs to her side, eyes wide and worried.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just tore my glove."

"And cut your hand," Anthony adds and holds out his palm to her. "Let me see, Ms. Sharma."

Kate whips her arm behind her back. "I am perfectly alright."

Anthony steps closer, a more serious look on his face than she's ever seen on him.

"Let me see."

It's not a question. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about Anthony's tone. Kate pulls her hand out from behind her back and hesitantly holds it out to him. Anthony takes it, gently slipping off her glove and inspecting the wound.

Kate forces herself not to shudder as his fingers dance across her skin. She knows he's trying to observe the cut, but his thumb lingers on each line of her hand, and he draws circles on her palm unnecessarily.

Anthony's heartbeat somehow passes through his touch, and she feels it beating underneath her skin.

"It's not too deep. Perhaps an ointment would make it heal within a week or two," Anthony says, his voice somewhat lower than before. He turns to look at the glove in his other hand, which has a large hole in it. "But I'm not sure your glove is as salvageable."

"I could sew it, but it would look rather obvious," Kate sighs sadly. "I better toss it."

She goes to reach for the glove, but Anthony pulls it out of her reach. "I'll take care of it."

"Discarding one glove won't make me change my mind about you and Edwina," Kate protests.

"I doubt it would," Anthony says, looking like he's fighting off a smile. "But just the same, I'll take care of it."

Kate wants to argue but sees that this is something even she can't move him on. She nods and continues her way back to their seats.

But, she unwisely spares a glance back at Anthony. He doesn't toss the glove. Instead, he pockets it.

Kate forces her eyes forward, trying not to get carried away in romantic notions that could never apply to her.

When she makes it back to the stands, she finds Edwina waiting for her.

"There you are, what took you so—wait, a different question," Edwina cuts herself off, looking down at Kate's bare hand. "Where is your glove?"

"Oh, I tore it against a nail."

"Where is the glove? Perhaps I can mend it."

Kate waves her off. "No, that's alright."

As Edwina studies her curiously, Kate thinks back to the feeling of Anthony's hand on hers and the weight of his stare.

Kate's previous notion had been correct. Anthony's bare hand in hers did bring forth a storm. It was a storm that was unpredictable and dangerous but alluring all the same.

"I have a feeling that glove is something I can never get back once given," Kate whispers, so quietly that Edwina doesn't hear a single word.

As they leave, Kate sees the clouds darkening and brewing with newfound energy. It tells her the storm isn't over.

Instead, it's just beginning.

[june2734]

The Short Lived Golden Age of Nerdy Web Shows

There was a time between the years of, let's say, 2007 to 2015 that I like to call the golden age of nerdy web shows. It consisted of a lot of small low to no budget productions that had a lot of heart, the kind you just don't see very often anymore for some reason. Many of these show have found a dedicated home on streaming services like The Fantasy Network, some have even gained enough steam to be featured on big name services like Netflix and Amazon like The Guild and LARPs The series respectively. I'm not exactly sure why the web show trend died out so hard, maybe the crowds just aren't there for them anymore like they use to be with some many pieces of high budget productions on streaming services vying for their attention. Every once and a while I'll jump onto Google to try and find new web shows that have that same heart and feel but rarely if ever do I come up with anything. As far as I can tell the only place new nerdy low to mid budget web shows or films gets any attention is at GenCon or small streaming services like The Fantasy Network. Who knows if there will ever be another nerdy heartfelt web show created that captures the spirit of those old series I hold so dear to my heart, but regardless if it happens or not I'd like to bring some attention to a few of my favorites. They may be old by the standards of the internet and maybe even cheesy by today's standards, but I really think they were something special and if you give them a shot maybe you'll think so too. If you have any others that you think would fit in with shows like this feel free to let me know.

The Gamers: Hands Of Fate

Zombie Orpheus Entertainment use to be one of my favorite channels for nerdy fantasy related content back in the day. You could always see the quality and passion that they put into every piece of content they out out on their channel. They're still around today but they've shifted their focus to other ventures such as the ever popular trend of live streaming table top games rather then making scripted content. That being said their old stuff is still well worth a watch and The Gamers series, particularly The Gamers: Hands of Fate, is some of their best work they’ve ever put out. The series centers around a group of table top gamers(the same that can be found in most of the other The Gamers creations by ZOE), particularly the character by the name of Cass, as he steps into the world of one extremely popular card game hopes of impressing a woman who's a huge fan of it. But this is seemingly simple premise is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this series. The show also features a secondary narrative that involves the characters that actually exist in the card game as as the players decisions in the real world effect their lives and leads one character, Buckstahue(not sure if I’m spelling that right), in particular to start questioning what mysterious forces are controlling their lives. The show is a real treat filled with twists and turns I never saw coming, it's fascinating seeing how the real world actions of this card game effects the card characters lives as well as question if and when Buckstahue will figure out what strings control her actions. The stories surrounding the other characters in the party might not be as engaging but they are by no means a weak point of the series either, many of their subplots are engaging in their own rights and pay off certain character moments established in proper The Gamers creations. If this peaks your interest then the series can still be found on Zombie Orpheus's Youtube channel or as a movie on The Fantasy Network. ZOE had pivoted more towards live streaming as opposed to the scripted content of their past but I'd love to see more content from The Gamers one day. Source

LARPs The Series

LARPs The Series first premiered at GenCon 2014 and took home the award for Best Independent Series. The year after it was picked up by Geek and Sundry as a part of a push for more scripted content on the channel which was where I and many others first got a chance to watch it. When the short trailer for popped up on the G&S channel everything about it screamed that I was absolutely going to love it, and I wasn’t wrong. The series centers around a 4 man party of larpers (AKA Live Action Role Players) by the names of Will, Brittany, Arthur and Sam and their DM (Dungeon Master) Evan as we follow their lives in and out of the game. The show is surprisingly heartfelt and sympathetic towards the characters involved in this often misunderstood and mocked hobby as it shows how larping enriches their often turbulent lives and connects them all as friends on a deep and meaningful level. These characters felt real and you really rooted for them as they deal with, work, relationships and the many other hurtles of adult life as they wait eagerly to gear up for whatever peril might befall them in their next campaign session. The show was also pretty hilarious, seeing them play out classic predicaments that any party, whether they be larpers or table top roleplayers, have experienced such as one player trying to roll to kill a tavern owner or romances between PCs were always a joy to watch unfold.  Another thing that most will notice right away is how the production value and direction are surprisingly astounding as well, especially in season 2. I was shocked by just how much quality was put into the show from the costumes and sets as well as from a writing standpoint. If you're interested in checking out the show then it can be found on Amazon Prime but they can also still be viewed for free on YouTube or in The Fantasy Network. Beanduck, the production company behind LARPs The series, is working towards a funding campaign in hopes of earning enough to produce a third season so if you have any spare change you might want to toss it their way in support. Regardless if you decide to help or not, LARPs The Series is a show that I think any nerdy individual will enjoy. Source

Glitch

Glitch was another show produced by the team over at Zombie Orpheus Entertainment, but it never seemed to get the same kind of love as many of their other productions. The concept was brilliant: What if one day you woke up and found out your life operated on the logic of video games? Well this is the predicament that a programing temp nicknamed Glitch finds himself in. Most episodes of the show centered around particular game mechanics causing problems in his and his friends lives and how he tries to figure out ways to work around or fix problems they've created. Glitch, Wyatt and Samus were all fantastic characters and it was always fun seeing Glitch trying to work through some real world problem with game logic like trying to flirt with a woman he likes using a conversation wheel like in Mass Effect or figuring out how to "defeat" his boss at work who he see's as an actual game boss. Another thing I liked about the show was how the characters really felt like real people I knew, they played games on the couch, debated about which Sci-Fi starship captains were the best, and they grilled each other in nerdy ways while working in slang from their favorite bits of nerd culture into their daily vocabulary. I always hoped that ZOE would eventually put out a second season but unfortunately for whatever reason that never became a reality. Now days the channel that originally hosted Glitch has changed their name to Burger Orchard and rarely if ever uploads anything, but luckily those original episodes of Glitch can still be found on their. Give it a watch, it's short but sweet and if you really enjoyed the show a lot there are little companion shorts that can also be found on the channel. Source

The Street Fighter

The Game Station was an early find for me back in my early college days, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I shaved away many hours watching all kinds of gaming related content on that channel instead of studying for exams. One production, created by one of the channels founders Layne Pavoggi, which came out in late 2011 and was a cut above much their already fantastic content was a short lived series was called The Street Fighter. The series centered around a single dad by the name of Phil who has just lost his job and decides to take up a short career as a professional Street Fighter player to provide for his son as well as keep his mind off of the stressful and highly competitive job market. This a real underdog story that’s extremely reminiscent of old sports 80s films where the protagonist has everything working against them, with that being said you might think that such a trope filled narrative would make things a little predictable and you wouldn’t be wrong but there’s still plenty to love since this concept has really never been explored with videogame to my knowledge. Phil is a guy you’d be hard pressed not to warm up to, especially when you see him interacting with his preteen son Ryan or his best friend/semi love interest Camile (played by former All That star and all around spectacular person Lisa Foiles). Seeing him trying to make his way into the job market, taking odd jobs here and there just to try and get by while also playing Street Fighter to destress and become better for the sake of winning a competition for money to support his son really makes to root for him through all of it. One aspect of the show that I really this is fantastic is how it feels truly authentic to the FGC (Fighting Game Community) when it comes to talking about all of the technical aspects of play Street Fighter on a competitive level. There are moments when Phil goes into detail about his “bread and butter” combos or talks about different strategies when it comes to taking on different characters compared to his main. The show was short lived but it can still be found on The Game Stations channel, if you’re looking for a heartfelt underdog story then I highly recommend giving The Street Fighter a shot. Source

Versus Valerie

Versus Valerie is a bit of series finale for a fictional character created by Hannah Spear for the character more commonly known as the Sexy Nerd Girl on her YouTube channel. Even if you didn't watch the characters vlogs over the years leading up to the web series I still think you'll find something to enjoy in this extremely charming show. It centers around Valerie Lapomme, the titular Sexy Nerd Girl, as she lives life hanging out with with her best friend Guy, shopping for comic books, going on dates, vlogging, and trying to make something of herself as a mid 20 something living in Toronto. The brilliant thing about this series is how each episode is structured like or makes homage to popular shows, films and games such as Star Wars, Doctor Who, Memento, and The Matrix just to name a few. On top of that the show is surprisingly well produced and written for something that spawned from a fictional vlog series, Valarie and Guy are much more fleshed out and all the characters including them have some really fantastic character arcs and moments in the show. Valerie’s awkwardness and extremely nerdy imagination felt embracingly relatable to me personally since I often imagine different situations in my life in relation to my own nerdy fandoms. What I was often taken aback by when I first watched the show years ago was just how enjoyable all of the episodes were in their own special way, and the pay off of it all really feels like a proper satisfying ending to the strange and imaginative journey we’ve been on with Valerie. If it peaks your interest at all then you can still find the full series on the Veruse Valerie YouTube channel as well as some of the vlogs prior to the series on the Sexy Nerd Girl channel as well. It’s well worth a viewing and aside from the fantastic lead characters of Guy and Valerie the show also managed to grab Mark Meer as a supporting character, aka the voice of COMMANDER MOTHER F^*$(^% SHEPARD BABY!!!  Source

[border-spam]

Leech Lord AU - Char Breakdown

Seifa A’rosk / Seifa Ur-Machina / Saint of the God King’s Mechanica

Bless u @nikyri-art​ and @lazulizard​ for the art! List of character traits and world-building facets for this character within my story. The Leech Lord Au is the one all other twins content I’ve written is set in.

Troy’s is HERE Tyreen’s is HERE

Note, ye asked and ye received. Literally my first OC ever, no clue what I’m doing, constructive feedback is 100% welcome.

Physical Details:

Right handed.

Very short, 4′11″, and rarely seen out of heeled boots.

5 years older than the twins, in her mid twenties when she came across the scabby looking rat who introduced herself as Tyreen.

Long auburn hair she usually wears in waves.

Right side shave, warm blue eyes, septum/eyebrow/labret facial piercings

Average bodyweight, hourglass shape.

Saint sigil tattoo between her shoulderblades.

Couple of small scars across torso, stab wound near navel, nicks across left ribs. 

Visible facial scar is paper thin and streaks across her right brow into her hairline. Tells everyone this was from a knife fight, but was actually from an echodevice she was trying to scavenge components from blowing in her face a decade ago. Figures she might as well try and get some intimidation points out of it.

Relaxed punk aesthetic she carries into her engineering uniform.

Usually covered in homemade jewelry.

Backstory:

Sei is a migrant junker/mechanic, and has been running a solo career as one since her late teens.

She has no memory of family, and doesn't care in the slightest. Figures she was probably sold into child labor before she was old enough to remember who they were. Loses no sleep over this and rarely gives it any thought.

Grew up traveling with her "Boss" (head of the scavenging ring who managed herself and the other skinny little kids she was raised with) between different rim planets including Pandora, scrapping and repairing tech while scavenging the thousands of ship husks dumped during the corporate wars.

Spent her formative years constantly surrounded by other children and teens who helped each other get each other through what should have been a relatively lonely existence, and developed a close family bond with many.

Retained contact with a lot of them in adulthood. They operate a network of mechanics and engineers across the system, a few of which come to work within the COV Mechanica when they realise she can offer safety.

Spent her childhood and teens learning the art of the deal from her boss, accompanying him on trade runs, market dealings, debt collections, anything and everything he figured would help her in the long term. Learned everything she could while accompanying him as a kid, like a filthy little sponge in too-big overalls and a runny nose.

Engineering and mech skills have been honed from years of pulling apart and crawling into junked ships, repairing and reselling on components for profit.

At 19, she had saved enough to purchase a shitty little rehashed transport ship from her Boss, and set out to start her own trade. They've kept in touch and are on friendly grounds. Still calls him Boss. Never actually learned his name, it didn’t matter.

Seifa spends years migrating between outer planets, building a reputation with her bartering and trade skills. Playing idiot traders like instruments, flirting her way into high profit deals, and starting bar fights. She doesn’t take part in them mind you, she’s a lady. She just starts them. 

It’s an easy way to get a group of “eager investors” to weed out the lesser competition, and leave you able to playfully manipulate yourself into the good graces of someone who’s too horny and pumped up on the hormonal rush of the fight to realise that they are the mark.

Moves to the next planet once she's outstayed her welcome, but always makes more friends than enemies.

At 25, finds a terrified and not remotely intimidating girl in a Pandoran junkyard, who pulls a gun on her. Tyreen tries to mug her with a shitty SMG that's clearly out of ammo, has a jammed trigger, and gets laughed at in response. Gets called a weird, stupid kid. Gets interrogated about how she is too old to be on Pandora and still alive if this is how clueless she is, so what’s going on? 

Ty breaks down into tears and begs to please, please get her some medicine. Her "Brother is so sick” and he's “all she has now”, and they've “no money, no supplies. It wasn’t meant to go like this, it shouldn’t have gone like this but they didn’t know what it would be like.." and in a rare moment of empathy likely routed in years of being around kids this stupid, and clueless, and dumb ... Seifa helps.

Traits: ✓ Positive x Negative:

✓ Confident, both in her appearance and knowledge.

Sei is a jack of all trades, master of none. Her range of knowledge is broad and useful, and her confidence stems both from her well maintained physical appearance, and general competency in most situations where she needs to be.

✓  Socially skilled, fast learner, adaptable. 

She’s been learning on her feet as long as she can remember, and is highly socially skilled, though a lot of her “nice” interactions can be a veneer. She holds people at arms length without them realising she’s not being as open and friendly as she appears.

✓  Self sufficient, reliable, trustworthy.

An adult lifetime of needing to rely solely on herself has left her highly sufficient, and very dependable. Seifa is the kind of person you call when you need something done, and don’t need to ask questions about how she gets you your results. You’ll get what you need.. just don’t hassle her about how she achieved it. You’ll be told to piss off, very clearly.

✓  Excellent negotiator, skilled in controlling conversations and manipulating others from years of trading for a living.

Seifa has been learning how to argue, shift conversations towards her own goals, and turn competitors on each other since she was barely able to carry a wrench. She’s an excellent dealer, and can drop into one of her many characters instantly when they’d help shift a contract towards her gain. Floozy giggling newcomer? Got it. Clueless naive big spender? No problem. Trade baroness about to crush your knuckles? Game on.

It’s something the twin strays she rescues are very interested in learning from her.

✓  Naturally friendly, and deeply caring for those she bonds with.

Sei is generally easy to get on with, between her decent set of social skills and ability to quickly read people, she comes across as quite friendly and overall pleasant to most people. She’s very slow to become genuine around others or show her caring side, an understandable side effect of the kind of life she’s lived, but her close friends are very close, and see her as one for life.

✓  Lawful Neutral.

 Morals are decent ( for a Pandoran) , and is always willing to help someone if it's not too much hassle or won’t put her out. Like the majority of people living on this rock however, she won’t put strangers before her own safety or wellbeing.

x  Very vain.

Sei will sacrifice functionality for style in the Mechanicum without a second thought, and will become frustrated and snappy if unhappy with her appearance and forced into social situations. She’s had a lifetime of curating her looks and using them as a tool, and hates being seen “out of character”.

x Self focused. 

She won’t risk harm physically or to her reputation for someone she has no stake in. Fact of life on Pandora is that people who do that don't tend to live very long, and she’s highly aware of that. Close friends and children are about it when it comes to who she’d take a risk for, and bandits slaughtering each other or ransacking towns is unlikely to be something she’d be very phased by. It’s not that she doesn’t care, she just doesn’t allow herself to.

x Irritable, easily brought to frustration or insulted. Holds grudges badly.

Seifa manages her collected and cool outer demeanor by pushing it over her emotional state. It’s a defense mechanism she’s learned from a lifetime of being in situations where emotion = weakness. Her high personal opinion of herself and pride in her skill means she takes to being insulted very easily. A subordinate who doesn’t show her respect won’t stay in her department long, and an equal who treats her like an underling? She will Never. Let. It. Go.

x Snappy and unpleasant when stressed or overworked, unable to handle emotion based arguments.

Seifa’s response to stress or frustration is to become overwhelmingly in control of the situation, and fiercely logical. Her social niceness evaporates and she defaults to the simple level of “Get this shit done NOW, and don’t question me” when it comes to dolling out required tasks. This is a bad thing to couple with arrogance. She is also completely incapable of arguing with someone who uses emotion instead of logic as their drive, and so while she is able to communicate with Troy very well even in heated times as they both default to logic, arguments between herself and Tyreen can become vicious, as neither is capable of expressing themselves in the other’s language when frustrated.

x Loyalty to close friends can overpower her better judgement in situations.

She’s completely aware of the hypocrisy of this weakness considering the front she likes to portray, being cold and unaffected by problems, but has never been able to stop herself from making this same mistake. Over and over.

x Noticeably arrogant, no respect for the chain of command.

Relying on her gut for survival through her life left her with an inflated sense of worth for her own opinion, and she finds it very hard to really convince herself that others may be the better option, or have more value than her own. This means she can also easily forget her place if she thinks a superior is in the wrong. Has earned her a stab to the abdomen and a broken wrist in the past. Both healed, both scarred. Her arrogance towards the twins, being that they are younger and far less experienced than her in general life, has caused multiple confrontation. She know’s it’s a problem, and she’s trying to get better. She really is.

Likes:

Money.

Personal freedoms.

Self reliance.

Feeling admired and appreciated.

Close companionships with friends who see her as an equal.

Her advice being heeded.

Growing plants.

Tinkering with smalltime tech and gadgets.

The safety of the COV meaning she can finally settle in one place.

Respect.

Being wanted, physically and emotionally.

Tenderness.

Gaming, watching movies, appreciating art. 

Crafting jewelry from scrap

Having her gentle, caring nature be valued.

Men.

Dislikes:

Bullshit. Can't stand people who don't communicate logically.

Being spoken down to.

Her appearance being mocked or intelligence belittled.

Social sycophancy.

Being lied to, having her trust broken when she so rarely gives it.

Unfairness, aimed at her or those she feels protective over ( friends, underlings )

Pointless violence.

Risk taking.

Most things considered *edible* on Pandora.

Men. -

Asks are Open!

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost Are Shaping To Be Metal’s Next Awe-Inspiring Arena Act

From Motorhead, to Black Sabbath, and now the thrash kings, Slayer, metal is slowly losing its festival headliners, arena fillers, and most importantly its legacy acts. While it’s been a rather gradual shift, time only moves forward, and sooner or later metal will have to knight a new generation of arena and festival heavy weights. Early 2000’s bands like Slipknot, Avenged Sevenfold, and Disturbed have long demonstrated a knack for selling out arenas and filling headlining slots at festivals. However, most of these bands have rocked for nearly two decades, and it’s time for the 2010’s to showcase its respective arena acts. Currently completing their first US arena tour, Ghost are leading the charge for the next wave of arena and festival headliners.

Established in 2010 with their debut, Opus Eponymous, Ghost is quite possibly the fastest growing and most popular metal band of the decade. At first glance, the Swedish metal group embodies a very satanic aura, from their upside down crosses and the litany of demonic and catholic symbolism. While the music is the primary focus, their costumes and theatrics as a band are essential to the image and mythos they’ve established over the course of their career. They’ve even gone as far as making a web-series on their youtube channel, detailing the fictitious origins of the band and it’s current vocalist in power, Cardinal Copia. All masks and costumes aside, Tobias Forge is the creative force behind Ghost, being the band’s songwriter, lead vocalist, and founder. Tobias is actually the only known member, all the touring instrumentalists are incognito and share the stage name “Nameless Ghoul.”

As scary and sinister looking as they might be, Ghost brings one of the most melodic, catchy, and entertaining live shows in all of modern metal. Seeing them at their Hersey, PA stop was a remarkable and genuine concert experience; the crowd participation and the sheer enthusiasm that packed Giant Center arena is unrivaled by any band I’ve seen from the 2010’s. The crowd’s enthusiastic chemistry is comparative to Ghost’s onstage chemistry, with their goofy choreographed antics, and just their flawless musicianship between one another. Ghost’s stage production alone was worth an entry ticket; the cathedral-like stage spewed everything from pyro, fireworks, to a confetti filled finale. There’s something very authentic about Ghost as a band, but also as performers. They cater to several aspects of metal and rock music, but also theater in many ways, and at the end of the day Ghost is just pure entertainment, they give something for everyone to enjoy, and leave you feeling just awestruck.

Getting the chance to speak with Tobias Forge, he details the evolution of Ghost and how they got to their arena headlining status over the years.

Ghost went from opening arenas for Avenged Sevenfold in 2013, to more recently opening soccer stadiums for Metallica this summer, to now headlining your own arenas in the states, and soon to be in Europe. What’s the transition been like from opening arenas to now headlining them?

It’s been pretty gradual, over the years we’ve done support shows here and there, support tours here and there, but by the time that we headlined our first arena, which was now a few years ago, we had done quite a lot of arena shows before that, opening up. It wasn’t like a big physical shock, most bands will probably tell you that the weirdest thing about playing bigger places is usually you have to cover so much space on stage, like physically you have to. If you’re a semi-active rock band, the biggest shock from going to a club to arena or even worse, a stadium, is that all of a sudden you have so much physical ground, so much real estate to cover, which can be a shock. If you’re not used to running, and you have to run from one side to the other, and sing, that will punch you out. Gradually we’ve moved up through these venues, and on the first bit of the tour, not this tour leg, but on the tour when it started, we were doing “an evening with,” which meant we were playing two hours and forty minutes, and I definitely had a little bit of a shock over the first night like “whoa,” it was very tiring.

From an Economics, marketing, and profit standpoint, how have these aspects changed or evolved with “the ultimate tour named death?”

It’s kind of like what you’d say about bringing children up, if you have small children the problems are sort of small, and if you have older children then they are bigger. So you know back a few years when we were a band and crew in one bus, it took some time before we even had a truck. Now we’re three buses of people and six trucks, and it’s sort of the bigger the show the more it costs. That is the dynamic of every tour in the world, and the only thing that is making it harder for a band like ours is that it’s sort of new in the greater scheme of things, and in comparison to a lot of the other bands that are doing it on this level, or on an even bigger level. We are a new band that has managed to qualify into this setting, and if you look at most other very established and older artists, they charge a lot more for their tickets, a lot more than we do. That’s sort of the law of gravity and that makes it sometimes a little bit uphill, but we are fortunate to have the promoters and festivals believing in us on a worldwide basis. They believe in the idea that they need to invest in new headliners, the stars have aligned and fortunately they believe us to be one of the new ones to be able to fill that space. Just back a few years, there were several bands out there, but you know Black Sabbath is gone, and so many bands are just retiring or dying and in order to sustain these festivals they will need to invest in new bands and we’re one of them. However, you can clearly see on a festival of three days where The Scorpions are headlining one night, Kiss is headlining another night, and we are headlining a third, we are not getting paid the same as they are, of course not. The bottom line with that is we’re still looked upon and it’s expected of Ghost to deliver the same show, and that requires determination and you cannot look for economic return at this point. It’s further down the line of years and years and years of proving yourself, but that’s part of the game and that’s what I’ve been doing for almost ten years now.

You’ve stated the excitement for this tour was not only the fact Ghost would be playing arenas, but because the tour is spread across so many different markets. How has the reception been so far, in playing to these different markets, or territories that Ghost has less experience performing in?

The reception at the shows has been fantastic. Of course there are a few markets where it’s hard to expect anything because it’s in the middle of no where, and on top of that some of these shows have been on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and you can clearly see the ones that are on the weekends are doing way better. A lot these places that we’re playing are essentially in small towns, so they will have a magnetism for towns and cities around them, so people have to travel to come see it. That’s sort of the basis of that market in the first place, of course it’s a little bit sensitive if it’s a Monday or a Friday, but I must say that overall the promoter is very pleased, and we’re living up to the expectation of what a tour like this can do. That’s the point of the tour, reach out to people in territories where we haven’t really been, and having that in mind it’s been fantastic.

Have you held the idea or goal of Ghost inhabiting stadiums, or large venues since you started the band? These environments seem embedded in the very nature of Ghost’s live show.

My answer will be a little bit split between yes and no. Yes, I have always intended for my band to become a big arena headlining production value band. I always thought that Ghost as a project would be very production oriented. I never thought that Ghost would be that band, as in when I started I didn’t think that that was going to be the band that would define my entire career. However, once the first record got out and we started playing and we started touring, I had definitely put all my eggs in that basket, because I was like “this is the one that sticks, let’s just do this.” This is the one that I intuitively feel most myself, and I was gravitating towards that. Compared to all my other projects, this is the only one that I really truly understood, and could just do intuitively. I knew what to do with it, where as the other bands that I had were more of a head scratch. A lot of the ideas that I managed to either do or are still on the list with Ghost are things that are based on drawings and ideas that I had fifteen to twenty-five years ago. It’s a mixture, yes and no, I always thought I was going to work either with a band or in a band that was going to do full production touring, but I wasn’t sure it was going to be Ghost. It just happens to be two of my main interests, being in a band and writing songs, but also I’m very interesting in touring, and I’m very interested in the idea of stage design, tour design, light design, and all that. Had it not been for me being in a band, I would have gladly also done it for another band, building stage design for other bands.

Seven Inches of Satanic Panic undoubtedly has a very 60’s rock aesthetic, but specifically what bands from that era are influences to you personally?  

Ever since I was a kid my absolute biggest idols before I found extreme metal were from the sixties. It was Pink Floyd, The Doors, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, I grew up listening to that. When I was eight, my favorite band of all time was The Rolling Stones. I knew everything about them, that was my biggest obsession. The sixties in general and as music have been hugely influential for me. Ghost just happened to be a little bit more heavy metal leaning, but there’s a lot of Pink Floyd in there, and a lot of The Doors, that was the stuff I listened to when I started playing guitar. When I was in my various different bands I’ve always heard that my writing was kind of odd because I had time signatures that were strange, and a melody language that was kind of peculiar. That was because I listened to Pink Floyd and The Doors, they taught me how to just write weirdly, and it’s not as outlandish as it might seem.

Many hail Ghost for their ability to balance a sense of nostalgia whilst maintaining an original song craft and sonic perspective. What has been your process, if not organically, in achieving this balance?

I always try to remember how I felt writing the first record [Opus Eponymous], and during the recording of the record coming after that, [Infestissumam], I think I’ve managed to tap into that. Don’t misunderstand and think I try to write the same record every time, it’s quite the contrary, but having that same playful approach when it came to writing that I had back when I had nothing to lose. Opus Eponymous was written in a complete void, where there was no one involved in my writing. I was depending economically on it, I had no crowd to please, and I had no one to please with my writing except my self and a buddy of mine basically. That’s what I’m trying to do every time; try the best of my ability to stay within that, and not think too much about the fact that “this is your most important record of your career.” With that being said you have that in the back of your mind every time, but you try to even that out, and you try to be somewhat distant from that. I wanted Ghost to sound like a big band, and because I’m trying to distance myself from that, that does not mean the songs aren’t commercial or whatever. I really tried to be commercial on Opus Eponymous, it was supposed to be very very catchy. I wanted it to sound like that huge band that you had missed out on. It was supposed to be very catchy, very memorable, and very playful. It was supposed to be a band from the seventies that didn’t know what the eighties were, but was trying to shape the eighties because they knew that was coming, but they didn’t know what the eighties were.

FORBES.COM

[ohrockofages]

Things We Said Today

Summary: Roger and reader’s transition from friends to lovers isn’t exactly smooth, but reader works out a way to get their friendship back.

Pairing: Roger Taylor x reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: none b

My first ever fanfic on here!! Hope u enjoy :)

You weren’t sure how the situation had escalated so fast. You had arrived at Roger’s flat for your dinner plans with him, only to find him getting ready to go out. You were frustrated, to say the least. Your transition from mutually pining best friends into a relationship hadn’t happened too long ago, but you had already begun to lose count of the number of times Roger had ditched your plans to do lord knows what with Freddie, Brian, and John. Emotions had taken over and fueled your words, and next thing you knew, Roger was screaming at you about how you didn’t value his career and you were crying back that he didn’t value his girlfriend.

You had thought it would be a good dramatic statement to storm out of his house, slamming the door behind you, but that didn’t make you any less hurt. Now you were just hurt and cold.

Unsure what your next move was, you sat on Roger’s front stoop for a few minutes, letting the cool night air seep into your skin. You contemplated where to go from here. Home, your brain was telling you, but that idea was overridden by your desire for a friend to listen to you rant about your argument until you cried yourself out.

You racked your brain for anyone who would be up at this hour and willing to see you all snotty and blotchy, but only one came to mind. Roger. He had always been the one that was there for you after a breakup or a rough night, waiting up with a warm hug and a hot cup of tea. But that was before you two had finally gotten together. Your heart ached for that comfort, so physically close but with what seemed like miles between you and your boyfriend. You never had this problem back when Roger was just your best friend.

Thoughts that you always tried to repress fought their way to the forefront of your brain - that maybe entering a relationship with Roger was a bad idea. That you should have preserved your friendship.

You felt tears starting to trickle down your face again, as your mind kept playing on loop your longing for your old camaraderie.  I need my old Roger. I need him back. I need my best friend. My best friend… wait!

You pushed yourself up off the stoop, re energized by your new risky idea, and wiped your face before knocking on Roger’s door. The thought that he might ignore you crossed your mind fleetingly, but after a moment, he slowly opened the door. “Back for round two?” He asked bitterly.

“Rog?” You said, ignoring his attitude.

“What?”

“I need to tell you this awful thing that just happened,” You said, trying your luck. When he stared at you blankly, you tried again. “Rog, I’m upset about a fight I just had with my boyfriend. I kind of need my best friend right now,” You spoke slowly, waiting until realization dawned on his face.

“Ohh,” He gave you a small smile, hesitating a second before opening the door wider for you. “Okay, yeah. I’m sure it was pretty bad. Wanna…” He hesitated for a second. “Wanna tell me about it?”

You followed him into the living room that you two had been screaming at each other in just minutes earlier. “Do you want anything? Water? Tea?” Roger asked candidly, as if you hadn’t just slammed his door in his face.

“Tea, please,” You said, and he stepped into the kitchen and began fixing the kettle.

“So, what happened?” Roger asked over his shoulder. You could almost laugh at the fact that he was playing along with your little game.

“Well, I went over to his flat this evening,” You started, making yourself comfortable on the couch, picking a position where you could still see him in the kitchen.

“Nice flat?” Roger asked, his back still towards you as he turned the stove on.

“Hmm, it’s alright. Not as nice as yours, of course,” You chuckled at yourself. “We had made plans to have dinner together. He said he was gonna cook.”

“A gentleman!” Roger exclaimed. The irony was startling- the whole night had fallen to shambles because Roger wouldn’t stay in and cook dinner for you two. And yet, here he was, bustling around the kitchen to make you tea while you told him the story of the night you had just endured together.

“Well, just wait,” You continued. “So I got there, and it seemed like he had forgotten all about me. The dinner never happened. He had to go out with his band. Again.”

“His band? Are they any good?” Roger asked.

“Yeah, they’re good. You should give them a listen sometime,” You teased, before becoming serious again. “But, honestly, I don’t care how good they are. He always chooses them over me. Always.” You could feel yourself becoming dejected again and struggled to keep up the act the two of you were playing.

“Aw, love, I’m sure that’s not what’s happening,” Roger said, leaning against the kitchen counter, facing you.

“I feel like it is, Rog. If it was once or twice, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But he cancels plans with me all the time for them. And he rarely tells me where he’s going when he’s out with them,” You explained as the kettle whistle started shrieking.

“But does he always have to tell you where he’s going? What if it’s really just to the recording studio and then the pub with his mates?” He asked calmly while pouring the water into your respective cups, as if he was actually just an uninvolved third party.

“I know, and I’m sure it is. But, the thing is,” You paused, watching Roger carefully walking over with two cups of tea, handing you one before sitting next to you on the couch. “He used to have a bit of a reputation with the ladies. And it’s not that I don’t trust him, because I do. But I can’t help my mind wandering. Especially on a night like tonight, when we had these plans and he basically just threw me out.” You searched his eyes for any sign that he understood. “It just really, really hurt,” You finished in a whisper.

“Y/N, maybe you should tell him how you feel. I’m sure he wouldn’t have reacted that way that he did if he had known,” Roger spoke quietly, keeping your gaze locked on his.

“Maybe,” You said sadly.

“Also, maybe his career with his band is important to him- and I’m sure you are very important to him too. But I know sometimes things come up when he might not expect them. And it can sometimes be hard for a boyfriend such as himself to balance the two.”

“Maybe,” You said again.

The room fell silent. You could feel those apprehensive thoughts filling your head again, and you couldn’t bear to maintain eye contact with Roger. Not when he was staring at you so intensely that you felt he may be able to read your mind.

You instead opted to stare down into your mug, as if the answer to all of your problems would be hiding in there. Roger’s eyes were burning a hole in your side, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look back up at him.

Finally, he broke the silence. “What are you thinking about?” He asked.

You took a shaky breath. “Sometimes I can’t help but wonder-” You gathered up the nerve to confess your doubt, knowing it might break his heart. “I can’t help but wonder if maybe we would have been better off if we had stayed friends. I never felt this way when we were just friends. I never had these fears. And I never felt so insecure, and so vulnerable, when we were just friends.” There it was, your big secret, off your chest at last. You couldn’t bear to look back up at Roger to see his reaction.

“Is that really how you feel?” Roger asked gently. When you didn’t respond, he shifted to be at your eye level, caressing your cheek with his hand. “You’ve known this guy for a long time, right?”

You nodded.

“I don’t believe that he would never hurt you.”

“How do you know that, Rog?

“Because he got pretty lucky with you. And I think he knows that. And he’s not gonna let it slip away any time soon.” He looked so earnest, and so sweet, you knew that you could never stay angry with him.

You could feel your cheeks heating up. Roger noticed, too, and gave you a cheesy smile. “But, listen Y/N, it’s important that you tell him how you’re feeling instead of immediately becoming defensive. And you definitely, definitely need to trust him.”

“I know,” You nodded, putting your hand over his on your cheek. “I got luckier with him, I think.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to forgive him? Because I heard that he called the boys and told them he wasn’t coming. And that he would love to cook dinner for you.”

You giggled. “He’s more than forgiven.”

“Good. Now, I would like to become your boyfriend again,” Roger said, before leaning forward and closing the distance between your lips.

Pulling away, Roger gave you a cheeky smile. “I missed being your best friend. Do you think we could combine that with being your boyfriend? Maybe a best-boyfriend kind of thing?”

“Oh absolutely. I’ve missed being your best friend too. I guess we kinda forgot that we were friends first,” You said, grabbing Roger’s hand and followed him into the kitchen.

“And what a silly mistake that was,” Roger teased. “From now on, I will be the best boyfriend - best friend hybrid the world has ever seen.”

“And I swear to be the best girlfriend - best friend hybrid,” You smiled back.

“That sounds like a perfect deal,” Roger smiled, pecking you once more on the forehead before starting your dinner.

[siriusist]

Hi! I’ve been following you for a lil lil bit, but already you seem super smart and knowledgeable so.. what are some books or other pieces of writing you think everyone should read? Have a lovely day!

B’aww, thank you! <3 You too nonnie! <3

Just off the top of my head at three o’clock in the morning, and the qualification that you provided that its something that ‘everyone should read,’ I’m going to go for more books that I found changed me fundamentally, as a person, after reading them. That may be a self-help book; that might be a societal critique, that might be a work of classic literature. I tried to give a bit of everything. <3

 I’ll put a little copy-and-paste synopsis here for you for each book, and will elaborate if necessary in brackets. 

BEHOLD: LAUREN’S LIST OF LITERARY RECOMMENDATIONS:

From My (Non-Law) Bookcase (But still are about political issues):

Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger by Soraya Chemaly: 

‘As women, we’ve been urged for so long to bottle up our anger, letting it corrode our bodies and minds in ways we don’t even realize. Yet there are so, so many legitimate reasons for us to feel angry, ranging from blatant, horrifying acts of misogyny to the subtle drip, drip drip of daily sexism that reinforces the absurdly damaging gender norms of our society. In Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly argues that our anger is not only justified, it is also an active part of the solution. We are so often encouraged to resist our rage or punished for justifiably expressing it, yet how many remarkable achievements would never have gotten off the ground without the kernel of anger that fueled them? Approached with conscious intention, anger is a vital instrument, a radar for injustice and a catalyst for change. On the flip side, the societal and cultural belittlement of our anger is a cunning way of limiting and controlling our power—one we can no longer abide.’

Academic Ableism: Disability and Higher Education by Jay T. Dolmage:

‘Academic Ableism brings together disability studies and institutional critique to recognize the ways that disability is composed in and by higher education, and rewrites the spaces, times, and economies of disability in higher education to place disability front and center. For too long, argues Jay Timothy Dolmage, disability has been constructed as the antithesis of higher education, often positioned as a distraction, a drain, a problem to be solved. The ethic of higher education encourages students and teachers alike to accentuate ability, valorize perfection, and stigmatize anything that hints at intellectual, mental, or physical weakness, even as we gesture toward the value of diversity and innovation. Examining everything from campus accommodation processes, to architecture, to popular films about college life, Dolmage argues that disability is central to higher education, and that building more inclusive schools allows better education for all.’

(This book strays into more academic categories, but it’s still really great that this sort of book is being written. I personally recognise its value as someone with mental health struggles and who has had to fight ironically in the legal sphere for myself in terms of finding support within my own career moving forward as a lawyer/legal academic. I think the fact that the narrative that disabilities are seen as the antithesis of secondary education despite claims of diversity is something that all university students need to guard themselves against, or at least educate themselves on, in order to work against some systems that even though they espouse equality, might not have their best interests at heart. 

I’ve ironically found this especially terrible in law, where my first term of law school I was told ‘girls like you don’t go to law school,’ followed by constant questioning by the community at large after graduate that any hint of mental weakness equates to being unfit to practice law. This is despite the majority of lawyers having mental health problems, if not full blown addictions. It’s honestly why I’m pivoting back to academia (law prof), or moving to practice for the government (which enforces union restrictions on how long a lawyer can actually work, where firms just actually work them to death without union protections ironically; ugh. My whole point is, I’m not ashamed of having mental health problems in a field largely categorised by achievements in secondary education. I feel no reason to hide it, even though people tell me to. If someone is ashamed of me over something I had no control over developing, then I probably don’t want to be involved with them, do I? (A good method I recommend; it may cut off some superficial ‘friends’/’opportunities,’ but it leads to those who truly understand what a mental health disability may entail, and how strong you are for overcoming it).

White Fragility: Why It’s so Hard to for White People to Talk about Racism by Robin DiAngelo:

The New York Times best-selling book exploring the counterproductive reactions white people have when their assumptions about race are challenged, and how these reactions maintain racial inequality.

In this “vital, necessary, and beautiful book” (Michael Eric Dyson), antiracist educator Robin DiAngelo deftly illuminates the phenomenon of white fragility and “allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to ‘bad people’ (Claudia Rankine). Referring to the defensive moves that white people make when challenged racially, white fragility is characterized by emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and by behaviors including argumentation and silence. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium and prevent any meaningful cross-racial dialogue. In this in-depth exploration, DiAngelo examines how white fragility develops, how it protects racial inequality, and what we can do to engage more constructively.

Two Mental Health-Related Books:

Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving by Celeste Headlee:

‘We work feverishly to make ourselves happy. So why are we so miserable?

Despite our constant search for new ways to optimize our bodies and minds for peak performance, human beings are working more instead of less, living harder not smarter, and becoming more lonely and anxious. We strive for the absolute best in every aspect of our lives, ignoring what we do well naturally and reaching for a bar that keeps rising higher and higher. Why do we measure our time in terms of efficiency instead of meaning? Why can’t we just take a break?

In Do Nothing, award-winning journalist Celeste Headlee illuminates a new path ahead, seeking to institute a global shift in our thinking so we can stop sabotaging our well-being, put work aside, and start living instead of doing. As it turns out, we’re searching for external solutions to an internal problem. We won’t find what we’re searching for in punishing diets, productivity apps, or the latest self-improvement schemes. Yet all is not lost - we just need to learn how to take time for ourselves, without agenda or profit, and redefine what is truly worthwhile.

Pulling together threads from history, neuroscience, social science, and even paleontology, Headlee examines long-held assumptions about time use, idleness, hard work, and even our ultimate goals. Her research reveals that the habits we cling to are doing us harm; they developed recently in human history, which means they are habits that can, and must, be broken. It’s time to reverse the trend that’s making us all sadder, sicker, and less productive, and return to a way of life that allows us to thrive.’

(I just read this book lately and I love it; it’s really follows the history of how we’ve come to this point where we can’t shut off our brains, and we see ourselves in this really puritanical, commercialist manner: How we define ourselves by how much we produce, and if we fall short of this goal by being (ironically) human, we berate ourselves for it. This really has let me shift my mentality towards a much healthier, less ‘workaholic’ mode in my COVID downtime, and really helped me move towards a healthier lifestyle in the jobs I’m searching for now that I’ve left school. Recommended for anyone taking the big leap into the full time work world).

Chained to the Desk by Bryan Robinson:

‘Americans love a hard worker. The worker who toils eighteen-hour days and eats meals on the run between appointments is usually viewed with a combination of respect and awe. But for many, this lifestyle leads to family problems, a decline in work productivity, and ultimately to physical and mental collapse. Intended for anyone touched by what Robinson calls “the best-dressed problem of the twenty-first century,” Chained to the Desk provides an inside look at workaholism’s impact on those who live and work with work addicts—partners, spouses, children, and colleagues—as well as the appropriate techniques for clinicians who treat them. Originally published in 1998, this groundbreaking book from best-selling author and widely respected family therapist Bryan E. Robinson was the first comprehensive portrait of the workaholic. In this new and fully updated third edition, Robinson draws on hundreds of case reports from his own original research and years of clinical practice. The agonies of workaholism have grown all the more challenging in a world where the computer, cell phone, and iPhone allow twenty-four-hour access to the office, even on weekends and from vacation spots. Adult children of workaholics describe their childhood pain and the lifelong legacies they still carry, and the spouses or partners of workaholics reveal the isolation and loneliness of their vacant relationships. Employers and business colleagues discuss the cost to the company when workaholism dominates the workplace. Chained to the Desk both counsels and consoles. It provides a step-by-step guide to help readers spot workaholism, understand it, and recover.’

(I also just read this one, and it’s an older book edited to a third edition, and it shows. However, it also does the important work of demonstrating how workaholics should be treated in the same category as anyone else who gets any sort of ‘high’ from something, like drugs or alcoholism. It opens with the quote (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Workaholicism is the best dressed addiction.” It’s the one we’re rewarded for constantly, not matter what mental toll it takes on us. While I’m not exactly ready to sign up for a twelve-step plan (and some of the chapters are specifically for spouses and children), it still dishes out some really good advice about feeding other areas of our lives and how to not simply focus on work.)

From My Undergraduate Degree (Classics and Double Minor in English and German Literature, with a little World Literature thrown in for good measure):

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe: 

THINGS FALL APART tells two overlapping, intertwining stories, both of which center around Okonkwo, a “strong man” of an Ibo village in Nigeria. The first of these stories traces Okonkwo's fall from grace with the tribal world in which he lives, and in its classical purity of line and economical beauty it provides us with a powerful fable about the immemorial conflict between the individual and society. The second story, which is as modern as the first is ancient, and which elevates the book to a tragic plane, concerns the clash of cultures and the destruction of Okonkwo's world through the arrival of aggressive, proselytizing European missionaries. These twin dramas are perfectly harmonized, and they are modulated by an awareness capable of encompassing at once the life of nature, human history, and the mysterious compulsions of the soul. THINGS FALL APART is the most illuminating and permanent monument we have to the modern African experience as seen from within.

(This is a classic of African Literature, and what I wrote my world literature paper on in first year. It really is a story about the affect of a fall of one culture, where Okonkwo is the prime example of what a ‘man’ may be in this society, to how this society (and African societies as a whole) are affected by European colonialism. How one man can be seen as a paradigm of perfection at one point in time, and the scourge of the earth at another, when he stubbornly holds to his ideals, no matter how flawed they may be. It’s a book I remember reading the ending of, and it’s a theme for all three of these books, and just looking down and literally letting out an, “Ooooooooh~~~~” xD That’s really my ‘tell’ of a good book. I haven’t reread it since then, but it’s always stuck with me). 

Animal Farm by George Orwell:

‘Perhaps one of the most influential allegories of the 20th century, George Orwell's Animal Farm has made its way into countless schoolrooms and libraries, and has been the inspiration of several films. Written in 1945, before Orwell's conceptually similar 1984, Animal Farm's world consists of anthropomorphized farm animals as they attempt to create an ideal society--it becomes dystopian as the flaws of the ideology seep out. Like 1984, Orwell meant for Animal Farm to represent a Communist state, and to depict its downfalls. With a message that is not soon to be forgotten, Animal Farm reminds us that "all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."’

(It’s stereotypical and you’ve probably read it, but I still love this book to pieces and literally have an Animal Farm pin on my bag xD If you haven’t read it, read it: It also has the OhhhOOohhh~ effect xD)

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury:

‘Ray Bradbury's internationally acclaimed novel Fahrenheit 451 is a masterwork of 20th-century literature set in a bleak, dystopian future.

Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family". But then he meets an eccentric young neighbor, Clarisse, who introduces him to a past where people didn’t live in fear and to a present where one sees the world through the ideas in books instead of the mindless chatter of television. When Mildred attempts suicide and Clarisse suddenly disappears, Montag begins to question everything he has ever known. He starts hiding books in his home, and when his pilfering is discovered, the fireman has to run for his life.’

(What do I have to say by this point? Another Ooooh~ effect book xD)

[luxembourg]

speech for Dad funeral

It gives me so much hope to see so many people here today. It is unreal how must people here have been directly impacted by Tim’s big heart. I feel so lucky to have had the honour of being raised by him. He was a cool guy in all spheres of life because he always did what he believed in. Cool among all kinds of people because of how certain and steady he was in his values and goals. In this way he was truly the coolest guy. His ego was not in his money, business success or physique, although he worked extremely hard on those things. He had a sense of inner motivation to be better and I think he was proud of himself for that strong virtue. I think he learned it from his Mom who he always said he respected the most- his tattoo “It could always be better” came from her, as well as “it could always be worse”, which he pointed at a lot in his last months.

In his last few months I didn’t feel like I had much to say. I had always been open and honest with him. We had gone for walks one-on-one all the time throughout my whole life. I never felt like I took him for granted. I always wanted to hear him and his friends making jokes. So many times his friends would sit out with him and they’d make jokes for hours and I’d laugh my head off. I never wanted to miss our walks. Almost every single day we would take a similar route around our neighbourhood, stopping at one spot to decide if we wanted to take the longer or shorter route. I remember almost always choosing the long one to get some extra time with Tim. I was asked recently what my favourite memories are with him. All of them are ordinary. Dog walks, seeing areas of downtown, Vietnamese soup, sitting in his living room talking about ideas. Business ideas, opinions, space travel. I gravitated towards him for most of my life and he always prioritized the time I wanted to spend. I will never forget that.

One of the most beautiful things he taught me was about how to treat my sister. I remember complaining to him about how annoying Claire was as she sang her song. I said “she’s practicing too much for her talent show”. He told me that the sound of my sister singing, her being healthy, happy, and so happy that she is singing, is one of the most beautiful sounds he could have heard. It was real music for him. This changed my perspective significantly and I never thought of things the same again after that- showing gratitude to my sister more. We actually signed a contract a few years ago that determined that we would never fight again and we have kept it. How wonderful.

Throughout my life, I thought of him as untouchable. All-knowing, all-virtuous, always giving. I remember not being able to comprehend his level of emotional generosity. He could deal with any tense situation like it was nothing, telling me afterwards the secret meanings of the words exchanged. He could make anyone feel better, and seemed to leave every circumstance feeling like he had done the right thing. I know that he strongly admired his father, who was a great man, who had a fierce sense of justice. It seemed like doing what was best for those around him was his greatest virtue. He saw no struggle between personal interest and what others needed from him-he just gave out. My own example was his twice-daily back scratch-waking up in the morning and before going to bed. I remember wondering what that meant for me. Like I was accumulating some debt. I now realize the the gift he gave me was that debt. The feeling that once you have received even a shred of pure joy, true love, peace. It is your responsibility to give out even more than you ever received. Your gift is to be able to do it.

This is a letter I wrote for my Dad before he got sick.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for everything. Since I graduated in the spring it has been an interesting journey of reflections and decisions on future directions. While in the past several years I have found it extremely difficult to reconcile the recreational and normal part of life with how it feels to be in a place of such actionable potential- when I could be spending all of my time fixing what I think of as wrong. In all honesty it had led me to a stand-still where I didn’t know how to enjoy what I really enjoyed, and I felt really stuck. Upon reflecting and discussing and feeling and writing it becomes clear how meaningful it all is despite its placelessness in the universe of chaos. I no longer feel guilt for having such a joyful childhood because I feel like I can extend it into the world with effect, to bring peace to more people than me. No one has taught me this so fully and completely as you. Not only did you love me so much as a child, through to now that I was able to approach life with determination and compassion at each moment, but you helped me to see that it goes on, with every single terrible thing going on, right in front of you, I realize now that your incredible capacity to have fun and make everyone laugh is not despite the difficulties of life, or in conflict with them. Through every hardship you have been on the front line, putting everyone’s needs before yours. Through every confusing and non-deserved challenge, you persisted forward with compassion and understanding. It has helped me immeasurably in life To be able to hold the confidence within myself to approach a situation, prepared to give up my ego or pride for the greatest good, To sacrifice and then to learn. To avoid being too dramatic I will stop here. Just know that it is you who fully taught me to be okay when things are not okay. It is you who showed me that I can be a gift to others when I am stressed instead of losing faith. It’s funny how atheist you are when it’s so easy for you to act as God intended, treating all people with immense respect and always giving until there is nothing left.

The entire time I have been alive I have wondered how I could ever give as much as you have. I wondered how someone could enjoy and persist in an arrangement that provided them with nothing. Now I can see how it made sense and I am so excited to live life in this way. It is so easy for me now to approach situations in which I expect to only give, and to push through with compassion. I’m not talking about being taken advantage of and allowing it. I mean when you know you can help someone by showing them a way forward. What you gave me was the gift of showing me, every day, that real love does not run out. It empowered me to shift my career to something that I knew would be more of a challenge because I knew what I truly enjoy is being able to call myself as strong and as capable as you. There is nothing stopping me and Claire now that we know what we are made of. It has been amazing to shift my mindset from what I think I am capable of doing defining my path, to what I want to see done defining it. I want you to know these things deeply so you can feel proud of yourself. I hope that everything I do makes you proud. I feel so lucky to have you as my Dad, you are also such a great father for Claire. She is so special to me and you always being there for her is something she cherishes. I just hope you can feel how much we cherish you as well. I have valued the time we spend since I can remember, displayed in our countless walks with Pujams, in the winter evenings. It makes me so happy to see you making new friends and becoming such a strong asset to your community. Your peers are an asset to their friends who are similar to them and come from similar places while you build yourself up on the smiles and laughter of everyone else. It is so intuitive to me but not common at all. Again, like how the church wants everyone to be, and like how nobody actually acts. you are an amazing person, and I love you. Merry Christmas.

Another thing I must mention is that my mother has done so much for Tim, and gave him everything. They divorced 5 years ago but when my Dad got sick she welcomed him back like it was nothing, and took care of him. We all have a lot to be grateful for in Louisa since we love Tim so much. I have never felt so much respect for someone since seeing my Mom sacrifice so much like that. No one could have taken such good care of him but her. Thank you, Mom. She gave him everything.

[violetsystems]

#personal

The week ended quietly beyond the power tools and the construction continuing on the property.  The desktop seems stable at the moment; more stable than American democracy from what I can tell.  The election results or lack thereof point to something larger I’ve experienced here over time.  There is a disconnect between those who run the country and the boots on the ground.  I spent most of the day yesterday walking in the neighborhood making smaller connections rather than broad political strokes.  The only definitive thing for me has been my performance in the stock market.  I say my performance because since July I have had no advice, guidance, or support in the decisions I’ve made for myself and my money.  Nobody really to gloat about it to other than here.  I could have stashed it all in a savings account and forgot about it.  I could have also held onto things that were diametrically at odds with the shit I talk.  Think watching a reggaeton concert in Fortnite while a three trillion dollar valuation company who kicks around the little guy sits in my portfolio.  I don’t actively divest out of some hidden market force that some Bloomberg tv anchor can quantify.  This is unless said pundits are out in the street trying to influence my decisions and heighten my emotional state.  This is what we call volatility and it doesn’t come out of nowhere.  I can say the morning after I set my Alibaba stock to sell was the day Jack Ma got slapped back by government regulation.  I read the news just like everybody else.  I spend more time watching CGTN documentaries on Chinese history than an ineffectual presidential race in my own country.  Still it is funny to read the horror on your favorite business analyst’s face when they equate China’s willingness to address antitrust in the bud with authoritarianism.  The real story in America is money is both in control and ridiculous out of balance.  It’s funnier to hear capitalism breathe a sigh of relief that the government is divided.  Meanwhile it can’t help figuring out boogeymen to shift blame to.  The latest being the disconnect between the democratic party and Latino voters particularly in Florida.  Pilsen where I live in Chicago is pretty much little Mexico and it’s easy to see when you walk the streets.  Parties that have spent years pandering to race in a subtly racist way for votes are certainly still clueless as to what everyone wants from their government.  I believe this is mostly because you never see politicians walking the streets by themselves.  I’m never going to be a politician.  But I negotiate enough hostage situations I find myself daily here in America.  This election and the lack of results is just another construction site I find myself waking up to.  I’ve become a day traitor and a night watchman of sorts stuck in my own little lighthouse.  This isn’t to say it’s complete hell for me.  Yes I have had to adjust to some unreal expectations.  These expectations go beyond my landlord and sprawl into my public facing identity in society itself.  

You see nobody actually talks to me at all.  Nobody asks what motivates me.  Nobody asks my name.  Nobody has the courage to look me in the eye and say anything remotely human.  They’d rather have the upper hand.  People spend years researching you behind your back inside out.  They speak in ways that aren’t spoken.  They suggest.  They flash things in front of you expecting you to read into them.  They wait for you to let your guard down and open up.  And yet, over time they never realize how ridiculous it all looks from the other side.  You are to know the rules of the road without clarity.  The social norms and expectations of where you stand are implied and never validated unless you run with a pack.  The viciousness of the last four years has created more division than anyone can fathom.  People in America simply make up their own arbitrary rules and chalk it up to freedom.  The idea of freedom is something that they sell without understanding the cost or weight it requires to maintain.  The ambiguity has echoed into the election itself as we sit in a limbo that isn’t unfamiliar.  I’ve spent the entire last four months in a state of crippling isolation.  And somehow I’ve made the best with what I had which is barely enough to emotionally satiate me to continue living.  Just like the election, it has to end at some point.  Somebody has to confess to just how much I’ve been put through next to anyone else.  Or they can run away like a child and ditch responsibility and blame. But often I feel like I mean so little to people that they’d just rather forget their contribution collectively putting me through hell.  It doesn’t fit the narrative they’re used to.  And so I’m thrown into some Ayn Randian void like Destiel, banished for crimes I’m not even fully aware of.  Mostly because I have never watched an episode of Supernatural in my life.  Yes, I emerged somewhat a better person.  But I’m not exactly happy about it.  America has failed me in ways I’m no longer enamored by.  This doesn’t mean I’ll give up my citizenship or become an enemy combatant.  It just means that I don’t really feel obligated to listen to my country’s incessant babbling about things that just aren’t true.  America secretly exiles people when it feels they are a threat.  It’s attitude towards China reflects this for me often.  And I feel less brainwashed into criticisms of it when I’ve been treated like a political football for everyone’s secret alternate reality game.  It isn’t like other countries don’t like profit or investment.  They just don’t like it when it’s unfair, unregulated and spiraling out of control into hallucinatory speculation.  This is the capitalism we all know and love.  And it is reflected in my reinvestment of my own liquidity and lack of solid debt.  Whereas my FICO score is lowered because I have no loans to speak of but global equity is keeping me from evaporating financially.  

If all this sounds like gibberish to you, let’s not forget the fact that I’m not good enough to be employed let alone acknowledged as breathing.  Yes there is the ‘hidden job market.’  If you know anything about the job market in my own city it resembles the slave trade.  People following you around trying to suggest with logos, intimidation and surveillance.  It sounds a lot like what people fear overseas.  With all the good deeds I do in spite of the hate I feel a social credit score might be more beneficial.  There’s no way to measure my value to this city other than the money I spend.  I don’t have a soul.  None of what I write musically or on paper is ever respected or seen as worth anything.  I’m a piece of meat on a runway full of potholes to be sized up and evaluated by a mob mentality.  I feel more comfortable walking past the FBI headquarters than I do going to a public grocery store in America.  And yet I still know I have a place here.  I have the confidence in knowing how I survived without any help other than my friends here on the internet.  And we’re all starting to wake up to this feeling in America that we’ve not only been lied to but actively swindled.  These unfair forces have been at work for a long time.  As we stand up to them, they seem to get more cartoonish and comedic in nature.  Like we’re simply living on a soundstage where they haven’t figured out a role to typecast us in.  I had a job and a career once.  I still have a twenty year resume and pay thirty five dollars a month for a career social networking sight that pretends I’m less qualified than a college graduate.  I knew working for a multinational would be intense.  I knew dating in the year 2020 would be go for broke.  But I never knew how sloppy and unorganized the endgame really was with people until I realized I had a better play for myself.  And this is the lesson with America and politics.  We can talk all day about our feelings and their value but the country only runs on debt and speculation.  We’re buried eighteen layers deep into fractured meta realities and economies that have spiraled out of the hands of the people.  We vote for hot button issues that do nothing but turn our politicians into reality stars sitting on top of piles of lobbied cash.  Special interests are great.  Everybody has a hobby.  My interests are on trial every day when I walk out the door.  Some of this is cute.  If we were talking about a trial by fire, I seem to be able to walk through hell without a tan.  I’d rather be on a beach somewhere with my girlfriend being grilled for why I didn’t get my shit together sooner.  And granted when that happens I won’t have much to say about the past.  How could I explain all the bullshit I went through to think for myself?  I’ve already done it for years here and it’s harder to figure out than what all these Destiel memes are about at the end of the day.  Which reiterates the point in a rather ridiculous way.  Nobody will ever know other than you and me.  I’ve made that promise for years and will hold onto it for years to come.  It’s just another week for me letting you know I’m ok when I shouldn’t be after everything I’ve been through.  I can’t speak for anything else and won’t from now on.  It’s called staying on brand.  But most importantly, it’s called keeping a secret and valuing a friendship.  You can’t speculate on what is none of your business.  That’s why I keeping my company private.  <3 Tim

[madstars-festival]

HENRY GLO, NUWORKS INTERACTIVE LABS: “DO SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE – WIN OR LOSE”

At AD STARS 2019, Henry Glo teamed up with John Bellarmine Javier to represent Nuworks Interactive Labs, Manila, at the New Stars program for junior creatives. We asked Henry to share his advice for this year’s New Stars teams…

AD STARS is now searching for its New Stars of 2020, so we thought we’d catch up with one of last year’s Bronze winners, Henry Glo from Nuworks Interactive Labs in the Philippines, who teamed up with his colleague John Bellarmine Javier.

Together, they competed against 32 other teams to come up with an idea to attract more international tourists to Busan, a beachside city in South Korea. (AD STARS is usually held in Busan, but unfortunately, this year’s New Stars competition will take place virtually – the deadline for entries is 23 September!)

What is your favourite memory of the New Stars program in Busan last year?

Mine was when I found out that we won Bronze. Because I actually didn’t come to AD STARS with the thought that we’d win. I just thought at least I'd get to visit Korea. THAT WAS MY PRIORITY, ha! The moment that the work was submitted, my mind already shifted towards hunting for face masks and essences and K-pop souvenirs. In my head, I was already boarding the Korail to Seoul to visit JYP and SM (famous Korean entertainment companies).

So, I came in late, and when I walked into the venue for the award ceremony, I saw our work flashed on the screen and saw my partner looking very happy. And when I checked my phone, I saw that he’d been bombarding me with messages that we won.

The fact that it was unexpected made it such a satisfying and pleasant moment for me.

What was the hardest part of the competition, and what did you learn?

The hardest part is that we’re both copywriters. Neither of us have had experience in video editing. And as far as art direction is concerned, I’m pretty much a beginner.

And it was scary because we were up against these more experienced teams with better skills at executing art—especially for me because I was the one assigned to do the art. But we decided to just wing it.

And I think that was an important lesson for both of us. To just enjoy the process. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, then try harder next time.

Can you tell me about yourself: Do you still work together at Nuworks Interactive Labs? What is the best (or worst!) part of your job?

Bell has moved on. I stayed behind because I think there are still things to learn. But right now, I think I’m at a crossroads. I’m exploring. What I want to be is also evolving. Should I move on to a bigger agency? Should I explore outside advertising? There are still bigger things out there and I want to experience them. I want to eat the world and consume its knowledge. And I know that staying in my comfort zone isn’t going to give me that. I want to become better. And win some more. But right now, I think I'll stick around and learn some more.

Are you working on any interesting projects right now?

Advertising-wise? Not really. Things hit a doldrum since the pandemic. But I’ve explored content creation. I’ve put Facebook pages and IG accounts where I can share content and artworks.

Now more than ever people have turned into their pocket worlds inside their phones. TV has been dying ever since the government shut down ABS-CBN. And social media has become more potent than ever.

I’m focusing more on YouTube and Instagram though because I still value quality and aesthetics.

What are you passionate about outside of work?

Well, I’m passionate about K-pop, ha ha. So right now, I have a YouTube channel on K-pop. I do comedic parodies of K-pop songs. And so far, I’ve been receiving positive feedback on how my videos actually were their gateway to K-pop songs.

What I like about it the most is how in a way it helps me learn more about digital advertising. How people respond to specific content, and how format and screen sizes matter—they can be the difference between people liking your video or just scrolling past it.

I’m also into clay art. So I’ve been meaning to also put up a separate page or channel for that.

Why did you choose a career in advertising? Can you name one campaign that you really love; or one person who has truly inspired you?

I actually didn’t. I just followed a crush who also applied in advertising! But then I realized I was really good at it. So I stuck around. Prior to this, I worked in the social science field. Which is really helpful in advertising, too.

I really love R/GA’s Love Has No Labels campaign (pictured above). The insight is just so beautiful. I’d say it’s skin deep, I guess? Ha, ha. But I can’t explain it much. A great work will always excite you. It will give you goosebumps. 

I’ve always been inspired by my mentors Joey Tiempo and Ryan Rubillar. It was actually Ryan who told me that a creative is like an avatar and your mentors are like your past lives as an avatar. And when faced with specific challenges, you access and embody a mentor and your learnings from that person. That nugget of wisdom is something that I always carry with me — in competitions, in pitches, or even in everyday life.

The coronavirus means many people are still working from home. What has been the hardest part of the coronavirus lockdown for you?

PEOPLE DON’T RESPECT YOUR HOME ANY MORE! I think the lines between work and home have been blurred. But I’ve always been adamant that work ends at 6:30pm and starts at 10am the next day. No one gets to disrespect my breakfast with a meeting that should have been an email. HAHA.

When do you get your best ideas?

From life. Ads are stories. Of sadness. Of happiness. Of want and lack. And you can’t write stories you never lived through. So, my best ideas usually come from my own personal pain points.

Can you tell me about the city where you live: how does it inspire you creatively?

I live in a suburban town on the fringes of the metro. It’s filled with angry boomers, Duterte supporters, simpletons, and intellectual-haters. But it is also filled with steadfast mothers, friendly neighbors, and ambitious high school non-graduates. And they are the market that most woke and modern ads pretend to not exist.

You can make the internet cry, or enjoy your western humor banters, or rally behind your brand for being politically correct or gender-empowered, but at the end of the day, it all boils down to product truth: are your sardines delicious? Does your detergent really remove stubborn stains?

It’s always been my pet peeve to see ads that try to pretend their target audience is something they are not. It’s what I learned talking to random strangers on the bus, or bonding with a mom while in line at the grocery. Solutions should be drawn on who people really are. Not on a creative’s fantasy of what people should be.

Do you have any advice for the 2020 New Stars teams?

Don’t try to win over the judges. They’re just people, too, with experiences and culture that may or may not relate to your work.

Do something that you love — win or lose. Do an idea that you’d be proud to show to your creative lead, or as part of your portfolio in the next company that you’ll pursue.

Do a work that will lose not because it fell short, but because there was something better.

Don’t do it half-assed. There’s two of you in that team. Do it twice as kickass as you can.

Also, keep it simple. There's a difference between intricate and complicated.

And also, sleep. And eat well. HAHAHA. Advertising is worth your sweat but not worth your tears.

* AD STARS is now looking for its New Stars of 2020. The brief is to suggest campaign idea/s to promote home meal replacement brand ‘Mitus’, and the deadline is 23rd September – visit our website for more details or contact boram@adstars.org

[sarah-wants-to-write]

I Dare You to Love; Part Five (Star Trek AOS)

Shari and Jim settle into their romantic relationship with ease, and find themselves falling more in love with each other every day. However, a message comes through from Command that could change everything. Protocol works in their favor, making sure soul mates could serve on the same ship, but everything they’ve worked for together is put in danger. Like hell will Jim let Shari be taken away.

~

~

       Shari was definitely a clingy sleeper. Not that Jim minded, of course. Any chance to be close was good for him, and he definitely loved the chance for cuddles.

       Jim was a physically affectionate person, what could he say? With how little time they could actually spend together on duty, being in different parts of the ship, the meals and nights they shared were filled with hand-holding, cuddles, and kisses. At first, they’d tried to avoid it in front of the crew for the sake of professionalism, but after enough ribbing from the bridge crew, Jim decided that small bits of PDA would be more than fine.

       Shari loved every moment of it, and Jim loved her blushes and smiles. It was that much more endearing to him. Of course, when she first expressed her worry about the whole situation, he was quick to reassure her that the crew didn’t mind at all. Yet, Jim promised that he would hold their relationship to the same standard that the rest of the crew was held to, in terms of PDA and affection.

       It was only a week after the incident, when Shari had shifted and they finally confessed their love, that they started sharing a bed. Jim promised he wouldn’t try anything more than that until she wanted to, when she expressed her hesitance.

       “I just want to know what it’s like to wake up next to you.” He admitted, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks at the sentimentality of the statement. That was something he wasn’t used to, being so open about his emotions the way he was with her. Yet he couldn’t help it around Shari. The way she smiled and agreed, though, put his anxiety at ease. Jim could be open and honest with her, the way he couldn’t with anyone else.

       Their first night sharing a bed, Jim found out immediately how cuddly she could be, and he loved every second of it. It made sense, with her soul beast, and he didn’t mind at all.

       They had been together, romantically, for a month, and things were going wonderfully smoothly. Sure, they were both busy with their respective duties, but they were able to make it work.

       It was late, post Alpha shift one night, and they were getting ready for bed when one of the communicators went off. More than used to his being the one to go off, Jim grabbed it and answered.

       “Kirk here.” he answered, Shari watching in amusement as his expression changed from serious to sheepish, before uttering a quick apology and handing her communicator to her.

       “Lieutenant Neilson speaking.” she spoke into the communicator, giving her beloved an amused smile as she listened. Soon though, the smile dropped, and she sat heavily on the bed.

       “Right,” she muttered, nodding “thanks, Nyota. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

       “What’s going on?” Jim asked, worried as he sat down next to her “is everything okay?”

       “Command is sending an Admiral to check in on my work,” Shari sighed “not just any Admiral, though. I’ve known Carlson since the Academy, and we’ve never gotten along. Worst part is he was a zoologist before his promotion, so he’s the best qualified of the Admiralty to keep tabs on my work.”

       “What exactly happened between you two?” he questioned, bristling at the tone she had when she mentioned the Admiral.

       “He’s one of those that likes to use his position in return for ‘favors’,” she replied, nose wrinkling at the memory “mainly with the women in Star Fleet. I’m one of the few that turned him down, but he couldn’t do anything big without it being called into question and losing his position. That’s how I ended up in Yorktown for my first station assignment.”

       “So, you standing up for what’s right is what led to us meeting,” Jim mused, trying to help her cheer up a bit “don’t worry, he won’t be able to do anything to you here. I’ll make sure of it. When is he going to be here?”

       “In two days,” she sighed again, leaning against Jim’s shoulder “Nyota said the details were sent to your PADD.”

       “We’ll come up with a plan in the morning,” he promised, leaning down and kissing her cheek “though I think it’s about time we saw the Quartermaster about those uniform alterations.”

       A part of Star Fleet protocol, when two soul mates served together. An acknowledgment of the bond, among other things that did the same. The left cuff of their uniform shirt would be the color of their soul mate’s uniform, with the division insignia embroidered onto it if the colors were the same.

       “For my dress greys, too,” Shari agreed “I feel like being extra-petty with Admiral Carlson.”

       “That’s my girl,” Jim smiled, leaning down and stealing a kiss “come on, let’s get some sleep.”

~

       Two days later, Shari was getting dressed for what would undoubtedly be a stressful day. Jim was putting on his standard uniform, the new shirts having just arrived the night before. Shari, though, was putting on her new dress uniform. Dressing to the nines to show she wasn’t intimidated by Carlson showing up. She and Jim had a plan, and she could only hope that things went according to it. Carlson was known for being…unpredictable.

       “A picture of grace and power,” Jim declared, looking over her figure appreciatively “lab coat and heels are a nice touch.”

       “Nothing like the sound of heels on a hard floor to strike fear into a man’s heart,” Shari replied, smiling as she walked over to him “well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

       “One more thing,” he mused, closing the distance and pulling her in for a heated kiss, before pulling away after a few moments “you’ve got this, my queen. Now, let’s go.”

       Shari nodded, offering a smile before making her way to her lab. Jim would meet with Carlson first, and they’d make their way down so that the meeting would be in her lab. Shari’s home territory, her comfort zone. Let the Admiral know that he was the outsider.

~

       Jim may have seemed calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, he was anything but. His wolf inside was pacing and growling, he could feel a headache coming on. All of it stemmed from worry for his mate, he knew that. Who knew what Carlson would do?

       Meeting the Admiral in the transporter room, things started off well enough. There was the typical idle chatter and greetings, before they got right down to business.

       “As you know, I’m here to check in on your zoologist’s work with her experiments,” Carlson declared as they walked “she has a record for being troublesome, so I hope you were able to put an end to those behaviors.”

       “With all due respect, Admiral, we must be thinking of different women,” Jim replied, hands behind his back to hide the fists they’d clenched into “Lieutenant Neilson has been nothing but a shining example for Star Fleet, and has quickly become a valued member of the crew for her work.”

       “I’d like to see this for myself,” Carlson smirked, giving a sideways glance at Jim “she’d been causing trouble since the Academy. Not unlike you, Captain, from what I can remember.”

       “Yes, well, that’s probably why she’s thrived out here,” Jim countered “I encourage out of the box thinking with my crew.”

       Was his headache even worse? It was, and his wolf was growling even louder. Clearly, the beast saw Carlson as a threat.

       When they arrived at the lab, the door opened to Shari at her standing desk, Asha asleep not too far from her.

       “Good morning, Lieutenant,” Jim greeted, watching her turn to look at them both “Admiral Carlson is here to be briefed on your work.”

       “Good morning Captain, Admiral,” Shari replied, nodding for them both as they walked in “I have reports ready for you, Admiral. I trust your journey went well.”

       The briefing went smoothly, Asha sitting next to Shari as she talked to the Admiral about her work. Unfortunately, Jim was called away to the bridge, which left Shari and Carlson alone.

       ‘Not part of the plan,’ Shari thought as she watched Jim leave, him giving her a worried glance before the door closed ‘this won’t end well…’

~

       Jim tried not to let his short temper get the better of him, but with his worry over what might happen to Shari, his headache, and his wolf panicking inside, he couldn’t help that he wasn’t acting like himself. It was a few hours before he was able to get away, making sure to let those he’d been short with know that it wasn’t their fault and apologizing to them.

       Jim met up with Bones on the way down to the Commissary, knowing that Shari would be leading the Admiral there for food after her briefing was done.

       “You look like crap, kid,” Bones declared, quiet, as they walked “worried about Shari?”

       “What was your first clue?” Jim replied, trying to keep his tone as sarcastic as possible and not annoyed “can’t wait for this to be over.”

       Once they arrived, Jim scanned the room to see if Shari and the Admiral were there, and his worry grew when he couldn’t see them. His stomach roiled in nervousness, and he couldn’t bring himself to eat. Going to sit down, looking towards the door the entire time, it wasn’t long before the two showed up.

       The look on Shari’s face told Jim enough, and he immediately jumped up to go meet them. Something had happened, and it wasn’t good.

       “You’re making a big mistake, Neilson,” Carlson declared, causing her to whip around “I could really help advance your career.”

       “I prefer where I am, sir,” Shari replied, teeth grinding as she resisted the urge to growl “I’ve no interest in serving anywhere else, or rising through the ranks.”

       “You could be at the forefront of research in animal medicine and science!” he insisted, and Jim could feel his hand twitching to push Carlson away “could do so much more than being stuck out here.”

       “On the frontier, seeing new worlds and animals that no other human has seen before?” Shari countered, making Jim’s heart soar with pride “you’re too kind, sir, but I’ll have to decline.”

       When Carlson reached to grab Shari, before she could walk away, Jim felt his carefully crafted control finally snap.

       “Don’t touch her!”

       The commissary went mostly silent, everyone turning to the three as Jim finally reached them, and Shari could see that Jim was shaking far too much.

       “I’d watch your tone, Captain,” Carlson replied, emphasis on Jim’s rank obvious “unless there’s something going on between you two that Command needs to know about?”

       “Nothing they don’t already know,” Bones declared, having walked over to help when he saw that Jim was in no condition to speak “however, I think the Captain would say it’s best you leave. Your rank won’t protect you, sir, when you’ve made threats against his soul mate. It will be standard protocol to file a report about your visit here, of course, and what happened.”

       Carlson looked to Shari and Jim, seeing the new alterations to their uniforms for the first time.

       “I’ll be taking my leave, then,” Carlson declared “there will be no need to cause trouble for anyone.”

       Jim could feel his lips curl up in almost a snarl, and tried his best to resist. It finally made sense, after all morning. Carlson was a threat, and Jim’s wolf had been trying to protect Shari.

       “You’ve been resisting it all day, haven’t you?” Shari asked, standing in front of him to draw his attention as Admiral Carlson was escorted out “you know that’s not good for you. It’ll only make the pain worse.”

       Jim’s hand went to his head, which had been pounding in excruciating pain since he’d gotten to the Commissary, and his eyes squeezed shut as he let out a small cry of pain. Only Shari could hear the small wolf growl mixed in with it.

       “Don’t resist the change, my love,” Shari whispered, hands on either side of his face as she pressed her forehead to his “it’s okay, just let it happen. The pain will go away.”

       “So many people here…” Jim replied, eyes opening the slightest to look down at her.

       “And they already know about us,” she countered, trying her best to be reassuring “it’s okay, my love. Let him out. It’ll be okay.”

~

       Shari watched as Jim finally let himself change, kicking herself for not realizing he had been resisting it all morning. She should have known he’d see Carlson as a threat.

       People stood back, giving plenty of space, as a large blonde wolf finally stood in the place of their Captain. He shook his fur and looked around, growling as he looked for the familiar face of Carlson.

       “Look at you,” Shari whispered, smiling as she knelt down and saw the familiar bright blue of his eyes “just as handsome as I figured, Jim.”

       Jim stopped growling at the sound of his name, turning to look at her. He stepped forward enough to sniff her, making sure she was okay, before nudging her face with his nose. She smiled a bit brighter at the gesture, hand coming up to scratch behind his ear.

       “My handsome king.” she whispered, continuing the comforting scratches before finally singing the song in her heart.

       “There's a wolf that preys on a world that strays so far from the Garden. And just like your own, every heart you know seems cold and hardened. You may not have the stage, but you still have a voice. You may not have the strength, but if you have a choice.” Shari sang, feeling the muscles under her hand relax even more “I dare you to love. Oh, I dare you to love. Even if you're hurt and you can only see the worst, even if you think it's not enough. Oh, I dare you to love.”

       When Jim was changed back, he looked up at Shari through tired eyes while they were crouched down together, and smiled for her.

       “Never been prouder of you.” he muttered, reaching and pulling her in for a kiss. Shari gladly returned it, and they only pulled apart at the applause from those still gathered in the Commissary. Jim smiled sheepishly, chuckling as Shari helped him stand.

       “And that’s the reason the crew loves you,” McCoy declared, walking over to give Jim a once over and make sure he was okay, while everyone else went back about their business “you need to take the rest of the shift to rest, though. Resisting it as long as you did put your body through hell.”

       “I’ll make sure he gets to bed,” Shari promised, smiling “about damn time I changed to my normal uniform, too. This thing’s too damn itchy.”

       “I dunno,” McCoy replied, smirking “I think Jim likes the way you look in it.”

       “I’m right here, you know,” Jim declared, giving them both an amused look “I’ll follow your orders this time, Bones. Way too damn tired to do anything right now.”

       “Make sure he eats, too,” McCoy added, looking to Shari “he’ll need it.”

       “You’ve got it, Doctor,” Shari nodded, smiling bright, before turning to look at Jim “come on, you need to lay down.”

~

       From his position on their bed, Jim watched Shari change into her regular uniform. It wasn’t often he got to watch her like that, and he couldn’t help admiring the view.

       “Now there’s the Shari Neilson I know and love,” he mused, watching her put her flats back on her feet “you have more to do today?”

       “Nothing I can’t do here,” She replied, walking over and sitting on the bed, taking his hand “I just wish you’d told me about how you were feeling earlier.”

       “I didn’t want to let it get in the way of the visit,” Jim laced his fingers with hers, holding it tight as he sat up “figured it’d help get things over with quicker.”

       “You wouldn’t have been through as much pain, though,” she countered, taking their joined hands and kissing the back of his “I’m staying here and making sure you rest, okay?”

       “Okay, okay,” he nodded, leaning in to steal a soft kiss “but be honest, how did my shifted form look? Didn’t get to see myself.”

       “Just as handsome as your human form,” Shari replied, smiling “a beautiful blonde wolf, with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

       “Sounds like a handsome creature,” he joked, giving a wink before laying back down “I’ll let you get to your work.”

       Shari smiled, giving his hand a squeeze before she moved to sit on the couch, PADD in hand and Asha by her side with a clear line of sight to be able to watch over Jim. Watching her through tired eyes, Jim counted himself the luckiest man in the world that he’d found Shari, and that they’d been able to be on the Enterprise together.

       The last thought that ran through his mind before falling asleep was a simple one.

       ‘I need to get that girl an engagement ring.’

[typologycentral]

[Fi] Bloody Fi purge! Your inferior cousin needs some dominant and auxiliary guidance.

To preface: I love you XNFPs and unbeknownst to me, always have. For one, it's been edifying and validating to see some of my all-time favorite humans (writers, musicians, actors, thinkers, etc...) being typed as XNFP. Even before learning about typology and gaining a deeper understanding of Jungian cognitive functions, I was actively working on (what I now know to be) Fi development because a lack of it had reaped much unnecessary hardship onto my life. Therefore, I think that conscientious journey led me to people that embodied their Fi with vigor and authenticity and helped me get in touch with my own, for which I am eternally grateful. And now on to the issue at hand (this is a long read but I'm trying to give relatively detailed information that might help you to help me): For a little under a decade, since high school, I've had an on and off, pseudo-platonic, quasi-romantic, eternal soulmate, occasional f-buddy relationship with this ebullient, effervescent, deeply insightful, dreamy eyed, pixie warrior priestess (INFP) that, in my relatively short life, has always stood a mile apart from the "Gone Girl/Cersei Lannister/Elle Driver/Cookie Lyon/Harley Quinn/Akasha, Queen of the Damned" fare I've usually attracted [strike]...and been equally attracted to[/strike]. Our first interaction was a classroom debate turned bloodstained duel to the death over the ethics of eating animals (I swear on the atom, this is not a utilization of an NFP stereotype lol). Something clicked (energy + angst + lust + social isolation + troubled pasts), and from there, this happened > I'd never before intimately known someone who had the chasm of incongruously layered emotionality she possessed--ostensibly she experienced feelings in a plethora of shades from eggshell, hunter green, and cobalt blue to neon yellow and not only that, could verbalize them as such. Meanwhile, I only had ready access to basic black, white, red (all degrees of rage), grey, and at my best, a metallic gold. Though wholly confounding, maddening and taxing to me, I had never felt more woke and unchained and set free. It was intoxicating to experience a wider array, a more diverse palette of feelings. I obviously never reached her depths, patterns and colors, but even experiencing a trifle more than I was previously accustomed to felt like a massive, tectonic plate moving, internal shift. She saw me shed an actual, solitary tear once under extreme duress but in better times, just by staring into my eyes and smiling on a whim she could easily make me mist up with soul purifying relief, which was a gargantuan, almost incomprehensible feat for lesser mortals and I truly honestly never before felt so connected to someone on a level that was nigh impossible to articulate in a rational way. And particularly when she was sad and grieving (probably because of me), which often left me feeling inadequate because I was too emotionally dumb and powerless to effectively help--which, in and of itself, beset me with very real, very potent, personal "trigger" landmines. Especially back then, I neither spoke of nor experienced emotions with great affect. I understood them cognitively and intellectually, but to actually engage them with my "heart" felt like a blind man wading neck-deep in cement. My take on our biggest, most immediate problem aside from all the other reasons this union was likely to fail? We just spoke completely different cognitive "languages (Ni vs Si? Dom Fi vs Inferior Fi? Dom Te vs. Inferior Te?)" that always created endless communication gaffs, roadblocks and nuclear disasters. For example: Pixie: "Did I see you at Starbucks earlier today with Cersei f%#king Lannister when you were supposed to be at a study group?" Me: "That was the study group." Pixie: *heart imploding with the force of a billion suns* "Why didn't you tell me that?" Me: *blistering dispassion with a hint of exasperated bemusement* "Look, our past relationship is just that, in the past. You have nothing to feel insecure about. It was harmless, only work. You know I love you." Pixie: "That's not what I asked you! Stop lying and trying to hide and sugarcoat things! You know I hate that brother f%#king bitch! Why didn't you tell me you were going to see her? Me: *voice box shredding like the Hulk's Capri pants* "Because that was fucking irrelevant. She was put in a group with me! Her strategy to double-cross Dany and Jon will fall to shit, for Christ sakes. Are you happy now? You always focus on the wrong thing!" She always wanted to know the exact details behind what actually happened in a very direct, matter of fact way (perhaps to refine the many possibilities she generated for why I would withhold supposedly important information from her), whereas I always instinctively and immediately went to why I did something or the "why" concerning the underlying problem, because the "why," the deeper meaning (should and theoretically, in my mind) supersedes anything else, and especially when problem solving and coming up with a viable solution imo. Ultimately, it just didn't work. Idiotically yet idealistically, we wouldn't let that stop us. We broke up and got back together a few times before deciding that we were better off as this nebulous, ill defined glob of corrupted love and unresolved daddy/mommy abandonment issues that maybe one day might actually not fall apart at the seams just as it's getting good again. The whole idea and its subsequent execution was dysfunctional, unhealthy, ridiculous and plain ol stupid, but I gather this was us trying to be intense, brooding and deep. Dunno exactly. We'd go on to see other people and sometimes, in between relationships, link up again. Usually we couldn't reach a year and a half before we wound up back in the other's arms/bed. Moving on. She experienced a tragedy (by her standards) about 3 years ago while I was literally on the opposite side of the planet and whereas I would've normally come flying to her aid with an S on my chest, I made the conscious choice not to. Already enduring my ascent to power (lol) being stifled because of my brokedown Fi usage as it pertains to my burgeoning career, I resented yet another unwieldy force (Pixie) possessing that type of influence over me as well; I defiantly chose self-interest above anyone or anything else (like I'm instinctively wont to do, right or wrong, good or bad). She kept trying to reach me to the point of flooding all of our communication channels with emotional spam (from childish antics to vile, unforgivable diatribes). After a while, I felt bad, decided to reach out to her but was ignored for 2.5 years straight. That had never happened before--it broke our unspoken rule, which devastated me more than I realized. I grieved (rather poorly by over-utilizing Se), but eventually tucked it away, moved on and focused on work. I figured we were never meant to be anyway but that I would still love her (from afar) and wish her the best regardless. Lo and behold, she called me last night out of nowhere, drunkenly seeping concentrated pain, spewing regret, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, hatred and then love for me. She says, through tears, that she's still in love with me and wants to know if there's any chance for an "us." I felt terrible and thoroughly confused. I tried to listen and be supportive (my Te is completely inept at properly addressing/handling others' intense feelings)--I just don't naturally "speak" emotions in an unforced, compassionate, empathetic, organic manner. I'm better than I used to be but I was blindsided, taken aback and don't think I did much good. Honestly, I don't need or want this in my life right now; I'm so engrossed in my work and achieving my goals and going by what she was saying over the phone, she's still stuck in past patterns of dysfunction. I don't want that anymore. But I truly do care for her and want her to be well and happy--just not with me and not right now, at least. I hate that she is suffering but I don't know what, if anything, I should/could do to remedy this. And now, finally, here are my questions to you smart, capable, helpful people*/**: 1. When you are expressing your feelings (whether "good" or "bad"), what is the best way to respond to this that will make you feel heard, understood and validated? 2. When overcome with negative feelings that seem too powerful and unrelenting, how do you self-soothe (using safe + legal methods)? 3. Is there anyway I can speak my truth and tell her honestly where I'm at and what I want at this point in my life without further hurting her? Should I do it regardless or is it better to wait for when she's more stable? 4. Tangent, now that I have you > How do you know what you value? (Is that a stupid question? lol) I think I know what I value ("money-power-respect," knowledge, meaning/substance, fairness, justice, individuality) but it can be hard to finesse on the spot (when asked) and not come off as crude and unrefined. Do you spend a lot of time going over in your mind what is meaningful and significant to you, or do you just know somehow? (like how I seemingly "know" and intuit stuff via introverted intuition) To those who made it all the way to the end, thank you. I would really really really really appreciate some help. I have very few people in my life I trust to give me strong emotions related advice and none of them are XNFPs. Their emotions are just as trash and poorly developed as mine are. lol *Obviously, there are a multitude of ways that people respond to these things that exclude type but I'm looking for any and all variations, particularly from XNFPs and anyone else who can provide insight. **And I will shamelessly bump this thread until I obtain the breadth of insight I seek. :shrug: https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93755&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[intro2filmbitterrootcollege]

The Most Affecting Films of 2017

I love putting this list together because a.) I’m a film geek and own it, b.) this writing exercise is cheaper than therapy, and c.) it helps me discover previously unrecognized themes shared across my selections. The thread of history runs through these picks, that of nations as well as the complex and messy relationships between parents and children. History is parent to our present, and thus the thematic through line of my favorite movies of 2017. Each title brought me to tears or rented space in my mind for days after the initial viewing, often both, but earned this response through quality of storytelling.

Choosing my top ten was difficult (see the following “Runners Up List” for evidence) because 2017 was a fine year in film. We should celebrate cinema, and the opportunity to do so, as long as it remains this dynamic.

-Matt

Honorable Mention: Their Finest

Directed by Lone Scherfig

Written by Gaby Chappe and Lissa Evans

A movie celebrating storytelling and writing, chronicling the making of a movie about the Dunkirk rescue, set in England during the Blitz, addressing the role women played in the war effort, packed with an embarrassment of Britain’s best character actors, exploring how cinema’s escape can help heal us in times of crisis, and that is also a love story has no right to work. Scherfig’s film defies such limitations and hops between these aspects like a trapeze artist. It’s a crowd-pleaser, a heartbreaker, and a movie celebrating movies, all buoyed by Gemma Arterton in the lead.

10.  The Lost City of Z

Written and Directed by James Gray

Cinematography by Darius Khondji

The real Percy Fawcett’s 1925 disappearance in the Brazilian jungle provides an unanswerable question that hangs over Gray’s film as he endeavors to explore mysteries of the egocentric self through immersion in the natural world. Like the protagonist, this seems simultaneously paradoxical and fitting.

Some clever non-linear editing and a final shot of Nina Fawcett, the only actual hero here, walking into the reflected image of a jungle, make for a lingering metaphor on those understandings our hearts are granted, and those we can never attain.

9.  Toni Erdmann*

Written and Directed by Maren Arden

When I thought this dark European comedy couldn’t get more surreal or funny, it didn’t, but instead ends with a peerless final beat, then drops The Cure’s “Plainsong” over the credits.

Cut to me radiant with joy at what cinema makes possible.

Hollywood stories of parents and children aren’t ever this delightfully weird, or dappled with scenes that let us find our own insights about economic disparity, sexism, and capitalism’s darker outcomes. Hollywood stories aren’t ever this genuine.

Maren Arden proves herself a visionary, not just among up-and-coming female directors, but all directors, and since her open-ended final scene is perfection, I’ll let the last dialogue in her script finish the same way:

The problem is, [life is] so often about getting things done. And then you still have to do this, or that. And, in the meantime, life just passes by. But how are we supposed to hang on to moments?

* released in 2016 but I had no way to see it until 2017

8.  The Big Sick

Directed by Michael Showalter

Written by Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani

Gordon and Nanjiani’s story (based on the origin of their own marriage) took me two viewings across two seasons to relent and finally love it. Now it has my whole heart thanks to an earned emotional response and a script respecting the perspectives of all its characters. Likely the best screenplay of the year that might not be recognized as such, stand up comedy and parents are rarely revealed onscreen with such nuance, and never before in the same film.

7.  Five Came Back

Written by Mark Harris (based on his book Five Came Back: A Story of Hollywood and the Second World War)

Directed by Laurent Bouzereau

This three-part Netflix documentary chronicles the contributions from five of the top directors in Hollywood during WWII, many of whom gave up lucrative careers to serve the war effort via their craft. We see how filmmaking and storytelling, as the translation of fact and occurrence through moving image, can be a weapon and should be used with care. The stories of these five directors and how their lives and art were impacted by the conflict is engagingly humane. And the talking heads (aka legendary current filmmakers) are so damn insightful. MVP being Guillermo Del Toro. 

We celebrate such humanity, and in it our own, flawed and beautiful as both might be. This is best captured in Capra’s final voiceover proposing hope where it is needed.

6.  Wind River

Written and Directed by Taylor Sheridan

Sheridan’s crime-as-myth story is most concerned with grief and the ways we numb ourselves to pain at the cost of the memories of loved ones lost. Winter and the West stand in a neo-western backdrop where he colors the idea of how struggle can hollow out even the strongest among us.

We get our genre kicks in the Mexican Standoff shootout (praise to the screenplay-rulebook shredding use of editing and a flashback to set up this reckoning). The patience in ending his film with not one but two conversation scenes shows a preference for empathy over spectacle, and the way the injured souls connect therein haunts me.

5.  Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

Written and Directed by Martin McDonagh

I enjoy being challenged by a film. McDonagh’s picture beat the shit out of me then tossed me a lollipop, and I beamed like a lovestruck idiot. An early reference to “A Good Man is Hard to Find” alludes that that there will be no predominant tone to cling to but instead a vacillation of many throughout this winding trip into darkness where any good that exists is a miracle. In the final scene and sublime character change of Sam Rockwell’s Officer Dixon, it does.

4. Blade Runner 2049

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

Cinematography by Roger Deakins

There wasn’t a more thoughtful film this year than Deakins’ visual magnum opus. The intelligence expected of Villeneuve surfaces throughout in beautifully complex questions about life, witnessing, and how we achieve our sense of identity.

The choice of Gosling’s K / Joe as protagonist, his illusory sense of importance as the “one” and what is done with this concept, shows how important it is to value the willingness to make choices, even when they seem tiny and tossed into the void. In Joi, he may have found a facsimile of love, or he may have actually found it. In response, we question our right to declare another’s life or love “artificial”.  The Hero’s Journey archetype is so common that it’s almost instinctive. Villeneuve subverts these expectations by stripping heroic action to its purest and leaving us with K / Joe’s not-tears in the ashen snow.

The acting is typically strong because, while he isn’t noticed for it, Villeneuve always gets strong work from his actors. Through one of Harrison Ford’s best performances, the theme of parents, children, and sacrifices made just for the latter’s prospect of a better life is most poignantly rendered in one line: “Sometimes to love someone, you got to be a stranger.” As 2017’s best sympathetic villain, Luv doesn’t possess the freedom of her inferior replicants; she is bound to Wallace, a slave in her programming. Wanting to be special, to be the “best one”. This denied want and inability to make her own choices, to create life and be alive, warp her into a destructive force seeking to stomp out anything that reminds her of her chains. Leto’s megalomaniac Wallace is a god-aspiring big bad in the Greek chorus role, showing up to voice the film’s themes but in a way that avoids ponderousness.

I could write an essay on this film. (Note to self: write more essays on films.)

3.  Lady Bird

Written and Directed by Greta Gerwig

Gerwig’s work is so accomplished that my mind boggles when contextualizing it as her first directed film. The movie world exists here as specific enough to leap outside of time and place in that mysterious dynamic of singular-becoming-universal. Coming of age stories with comedy draped around them, or them around it, are usually judgemental of broad supporting characters who get portrayed in one shade only. This film is so balanced and sympathetic to its people, and I say “people” with intention, that we turn from cursing them to pitying to loving as fluidly as we do from laughing to choking up. The final sequence might be the year’s most affecting editing through a use of different characters in essentially the same shot, and shows that car chases have nothing on cross-cutting between drivers in the Sacramento magic hour.

2.  Columbus

Written and Directed by Kogonada

Sheila O’Malley in her Rogerebert.com review:

"Columbus" is a movie about the experience of looking, the interior space that opens up when you devote yourself to looking at something, receptive to the messages it might have for you. Movies (the best ones anyway) are the same way. Looking at something in a concentrated way requires a mind-shift. Sometimes it takes time for the work to even reach you, since there's so much mental ballast in the way. The best directors point to things, saying, in essence: "Look." I haven't been able to get "Columbus" out of my mind.

Wholeheartedly agreed. It clung to me. First time director Kogonada gives us an immaculate use of the frame and mise en scene. My eyes wanted desperately to eat the screen, each and every frame a morsel. And my entire being wanted to remain in the film’s world. Sadness and all.

Kogonada’s work isn’t all visual gloss but uses stillness and subdued conversations to belie an emotional tempest inside each of the two characters. This is a romance, but one just as in thrall with life as it is with clean modernist lines and the creation of form through negative space that here symbolizes those unknowable aspects of Jin and Casey (Haley Lu Richardson lights the screen in my favorite performance this year), and by extension those they love. We carry our parents with us just as these buildings carry their histories. Columbus’ characters need to navigate the empty spaces in and around themselves to connect, even if fleetingly.

1.  Dunkirk

Written and Directed by Christopher Nolan

Cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoytema

Score by Hans Zimmer

I can rightfully be called a Christopher Nolan fanboy, but there’s no arguing the viscerality of this experiment. Nolan, Hoyte Van Hoytema, Hans Zimmer, and the rest of their collaborators crafted a singular war film that really isn’t a war film. It’s a story more existential. Time is elided, shattered, and edited with an exactitude that comments on history unlike any other movie in this genre.

That audiences responded to a story asking them to participate, emotionally and physically, but learn little of its characters is also fitting for the theme of people choosing to risk their own well being for the betterment of others. The lesson is to put aside your wants and let an experience take you.

The propulsive score, like the tension, never relents. How such induced anxiety can be thrilling is for later study (and this film will be studied for decades hence). It’s the notion, however, that I can be brought to tears by the shot of a Spitfire coasting across sky, out of gas but not fight, by small boats dotting the sea that are referred to as “Home”, and by Mark Rylance simply nodding to his son in acknowledgement that the right thing to do is often an act of empathy running against our in-the-moment emotional surge, that belies an elegance words can represent, but only sound and image can actually invite you to feel.

_______________________________________________________________________

We are born into a box of space and time. We are who and when and what we are and we're going to be that person until we die. But if we remain only that person, we will never grow and we will never change and things will never get better.

Movies are the most powerful empathy machine in all the arts. When I go to a great movie I can live somebody else's life for a while. I can walk in somebody else's shoes. I can see what it feels like to be a member of a different gender, a different race, a different economic class, to live in a different time, to have a different belief.

This is a freeing influence on me. It gives me a broader mind. It helps me to join my family of men and women on this planet. It helps me to identify with them, so I'm not just stuck being myself, day after day.

The great movies enlarge us, they civilize us, they make us more decent people.

-Roger Ebert

_______________________________________________________________________

Promising 2017 releases that I haven’t seen yet and might vie for retroactive inclusion on either this or the “Runners Up” list:

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

The Disaster Artist

Darkest Hour

Mudbound

First They Killed My Father

Spielberg

The Post

Molly’s Game

Phantom Thread

The Shape of Water

[chicojimj]

Stacey Abrams Rebuttal to State of the Union 2019 Good evening, my fellow Americans. Happy Lunar New Year. I’m Stacey Abrams, and I am honored to join the conversation about the state of our union. Growing up, my family went back and forth between lower middle class and working poor. Yet, even when they came home weary and bone-tired, my parents found a way to show us all who we could be. My librarian mother taught us to love learning. My father, a shipyard worker, put in overtime and extra shifts; and they made sure we volunteered to help others. Later, they both became United Methodist ministers, an expression of the faith that guides us. These were our family values – faith, service, education and responsibility. Now, we only had one car, so sometimes my dad had to hitchhike and walk long stretches during the 30 mile trip home from the shipyards. One rainy night, Mom got worried. We piled in the car and went out looking for him - and eventually found Dad making his way along the road, soaked and shivering in his shirtsleeves. When he got in the car, Mom asked if he'd left his coat at work. He explained he’d given it to a homeless man he’d met on the highway. When we asked why he'd given away his only jacket, Dad turned to us and said, “I knew when I left that man, he’d still be alone. But I could give him my coat, because I knew you were coming for me.” Our power and strength as Americans lives in our hard work and our belief in more. My family understood firsthand that while success is not guaranteed, we live in a nation where opportunity is possible. But we do not succeed alone – in these United States, when times are tough, we can persevere because our friends and neighbors will come for us. Our first responders will come for us. It is this mantra - this uncommon grace of community - that has driven me to become an attorney, a small business owner, a writer, and most recently, the Democratic nominee for Governor of Georgia. My reason for running for governor was simple: I love our country and its promise of opportunity for all, and I stand here tonight because I hold fast to my father’s credo – together, we are coming for America, for a better America. Just a few weeks ago, I joined volunteers to distribute meals to furloughed federal workers. They waited in line for a box of food and a sliver of hope since they hadn’t received a paycheck in weeks. Making their livelihoods a pawn for political games is a disgrace. The shutdown was a stunt engineered by the President of the United States, one that defied every tenet of fairness and abandoned not just our people - but our values. For seven years, I led the Democratic Party in the Georgia House of Representatives. I didn’t always agree with the Republican Speaker or Governor, but I understood that our constituents didn’t care about our political parties – they cared about their lives. So, when we had to negotiate criminal justice reform or transportation or foster care improvements, the leaders of our state didn’t shut down – we came together. And we kept our word. It should be no different in our nation’s capital. We may come from different sides of the political aisle; but, our joint commitment to the ideals of this nation cannot be negotiable. Our most urgent work is to realize Americans’ dreams of today and tomorrow. To carve a path to independence and prosperity that can last a lifetime. Children deserve an excellent education from cradle to career. We owe them safe schools and the highest standards, regardless of zip code. Yet this White House responds timidly while first graders practice active shooter drills and the price of higher education grows ever steeper. From now on, our leaders must be willing to tackle gun safety measures and face the crippling effect of educational loans; to support educators and invest what is necessary to unleash the power of America’s greatest minds. In Georgia and around the country, people are striving for a middle class where a salary truly equals economic security. But instead, families’ hopes are being crushed by Republican leadership that ignores real life or just doesn’t understand it. Under the current administration, far too many hard-working Americans are falling behind, living paycheck to paycheck, most without labor unions to protect them from even worse harm. The Republican tax bill rigged the system against working people. Rather than bringing back jobs, plants are closing, layoffs are looming and wages struggle to keep pace with the actual cost of living. We owe more to the millions of everyday folks who keep our economy running: like truck drivers forced to buy their own rigs, farmers caught in a trade war, small business owners in search of capital, and domestic workers serving without labor protections. Women and men who could thrive if only they had the support and freedom to do so. We know bipartisanship could craft a 21st century immigration plan, but this administration chooses to cage children and tear families apart. Compassionate treatment at the border is not the same as open borders. President Reagan understood this. President Obama understood this. Americans understand this. And Democrats stand ready to effectively secure our ports and borders. But we must all embrace that from agriculture to healthcare to entrepreneurship, America is made stronger by the presence of immigrants - not walls. Rather than suing to dismantle the Affordable Care Act, as Republican Attorneys General have, our leaders must protect the progress we’ve made and commit to expanding healthcare and lowering costs for everyone. My father has battled prostate cancer for years. To help cover the costs, I found myself sinking deeper into debt -- because while you can defer some payments, you can’t defer cancer treatment. In this great nation, Americans are skipping blood pressure pills, forced to choose between buying medicine or paying rent. Maternal mortality rates show that mothers, especially black mothers, risk death to give birth. And in 14 states, including my home state where a majority want it, our leaders refuse to expand Medicaid, which could save rural hospitals, economies, and lives. We can do so much more: Take action on climate change. Defend individual liberties with fair-minded judges. But none of these ambitions are possible without the bedrock guarantee of our right to vote. Let’s be clear: voter suppression is real. From making it harder to register and stay on the rolls to moving and closing polling places to rejecting lawful ballots, we can no longer ignore these threats to democracy. While I acknowledged the results of the 2018 election here in Georgia – I did not and we cannot accept efforts to undermine our right to vote. That’s why I started a nonpartisan organization called Fair Fight to advocate for voting rights. This is the next battle for our democracy, one where all eligible citizens can have their say about the vision we want for our country. We must reject the cynicism that says allowing every eligible vote to be cast and counted is a “power grab.” Americans understand that these are the values our brave men and women in uniform and our veterans risk their lives to defend. The foundation of our moral leadership around the globe is free and fair elections, where voters pick their leaders – not where politicians pick their voters. In this time of division and crisis, we must come together and stand for, and with, one another. America has stumbled time and again on its quest towards justice and equality; but with each generation, we have revisited our fundamental truths, and where we falter, we make amends. We fought Jim Crow with the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, yet we continue to confront racism from our past and in our present – which is why we must hold everyone from the very highest offices to our own families accountable for racist words and deeds – and call racism what it is. Wrong. America achieved a measure of reproductive justice in Roe v. Wade, but we must never forget it is immoral to allow politicians to harm women and families to advance a political agenda. We affirmed marriage equality, and yet, the LGBTQ community remains under attack. So even as I am very disappointed by the President’s approach to our problems – I still don’t want him to fail. But we need him to tell the truth, and to respect his duties and the extraordinary diversity that defines America. Our progress has always found refuge in the basic instinct of the American experiment – to do right by our people. And with a renewed commitment to social and economic justice, we will create a stronger America, together. Because America wins by fighting for our shared values against all enemies: foreign and domestic. That is who we are – and when we do so, never wavering - the state of our union will always be strong. Thank you, and may God bless the United States of America.

[nerdyydragon]

On Witch Hunts

*To begin I’d like to say that I was going to put most of this under a cut, considering it’s rather long, but then I decided against it knowing that it may not be read in completion otherwise. Also, if you do read it to the end (and I never do this because it always feels like I’m begging), provided you agree, if you could be ever so kind to give it a reblog and tag it. If you have any comments, as always, you can message me privately.*

                                                                                                          2017-02-11

                                                  On Witch Hunts

In my time spent online, and this is something I feel everyone can agree on, there seems to be a rather alarming amount of entitlement, especially when it comes to the lives of celebrities. They aren’t treated as strangers whose lives we have no right to pry into, nor are they treated with the respect of good friends whose secrets are to be kept. 

They, and their lives, are treated as public property which is, according to the Cambridge dictionary: 

land, buildings, equipment, etc., that are owned by the government; information that is available to everyone, often that was previously private (ex, post-Watergate White House records)

Nowhere therein does that imply people. Ergo, the general public as a whole is in no way entitled to treating them as property. For consistency, here’s the definition of public domain, in case there was any confusion between the two of them:

land owned directly by the government; the realm of embracing property rights that belong to the community at large, are unprotected by copyright or patent, and are subject to appropriation by anyone. Mirriam-Webster English Dictionary.

Do you know what the definition of public domain is also connected to? The definition for chattel. According to Mirriam-Webster, chattel implies slavery. To think of celebrities, people in popular media, who have lives and ideas and opinions and dreams, as owing the general public anything more than the work they love to do, is to imply that they are owned by said public, and reduces them to little more than slaves*. Celebrities are, by definition, “famous people, especially in entertainment or sport; [mass noun] the state of being well known” (Oxford Dictionary). Nowhere in there does it imply they have no agency simply because they are pop-culture figures.

This leads rather nicely into the second point, and, really, the purpose in which this mess actually began.

As the mass public, consumers, if you will, have no rights to the lives of celebrities because they are not public property, why on earth should we ever be driven to believe that we are owed information on their private lives? Is it because there are gossip rags spouting stories given to them by the paparazzi? Is it because there are entire shows dedicated to it, shows like TMZ, who give us “exclusive information” about celebrities that they “heard through a friend?” We all know that that is a lie, and that it makes us no better than them for searching through an endless series of information to find private accounts, whether it be on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. We are lucky to receive the information we do, those little glimpses into the lives of the people we claim to care so much about. If an actor, actress, or musician denies us that information, we have no rights to ask for it, and no grounds for assuming we should be given it.

We cannot possess people. Not in the sense that we take over their minds**, but in the sense that we own them. They are not toys for us to play with. This begs the question - one that is answered simply by the word entitlement - of why collective society believes that it is right to go after someone, especially someone they claim to care about, for doing something that they deem unfit of that particular person? It happens all the time. It’s everywhere, both online and off, slandering names because we don’t like the person they’re dating. Or is it because of dating in general? The assault on, in this case someone’s private life, is what is known as a witch hunt***. It is, by definition:

the searching out and deliberate harassment of those with unpopular views. (Mirriam-Webster)

This is what happens when a celebrity - and, in most recent memory, one who is a particularly good-looking male after whom the vast majority of their fanbase have fallen in love with - is taken off of the market. This is not to condemn all of their fans, no. Only the most extreme. The ones who have taken it to the level of contacting either the person himself or his friends to voice their displeasure in a decision that does not in any way apply to them other than disrupting a fantasy that was very likely never going to bear any fruit. This deliberate attack is often on the lady in the equation, yes, but there are instances where the “scorned party” playing the part of the angry/jealous “ex-lover” goes so far as to, as mentioned above, dig through private accounts with the sole purpose of bringing to light sensitive information. This information can be potentially career damaging. Why would you share the information of someone you claim to love so much? The answer is because you don’t love them, and have shifted your priority from caring about their work and career to imaginative scenarios in which you are the star. You may “love” them, true, but you don’t support or value them.

Witch hunts, in modern society, achieve nothing other than the retreat of celebrities further into their private lives, and the barrage of assaults and angry mail they receive when they do something a handful of their “fans” deem uncharacteristic do little more than color their view of every single one of their fans as insane and fickle, especially when it isn’t true. Do you know what happens when celebrities retreat into themselves? They begin to decline interviews. They are no longer as interactive in meet-and-greets, if they decide to do them at all. Their fans, those who still support them, those who know that their opinion on the person they’re seeing is of no value to the person they support and wisely do not attempt to contact that person, are now cut short of the information they had wanted to see but were wise enough to know that they were not required to know.

Celebrities are not property, nor are they our slaves. We should not treat them as though they owe us anything more than the media produced from doing the work they love to do.

*slavery was horrible and I’m in no way equating the horrific level of suffering that was underwent by such a large group of people to the invasion of the private lives of a few. That being said, the definition was pertinent to include.

**mind control is, frankly, impossible in every sense except that of emotional abuse, which is horrible. I would not advise attempting to control another’s mind by means of magic, nor do I suggest that abuse is deserved. It is not.

***again, as with slavery, people suffered and died horribly after unfair prosecution during witch hunts in the context in which they originally existed. I feel like the fact that we don’t actually burn these people at the stake / bury them under rocks / generally don’t physically harm them in any way goes without saying.

[phooll123]

New top story from Time: Procter & Gamble CEO David Taylor Talks Equality, The Economy, and Why Leaders Wear Masks

(Miss this week’s The Leadership Brief? This interview below was delivered to the inbox of Leadership Brief subscribers on Sunday morning, June 14; to receive weekly emails of conversations with the world’s top CEO’s and business decision makers, click here.)

As the United States—and the world—continues to reckon with systemic racial injustice, David Taylor, CEO of the $67 billion multinational consumer goods company Procter & Gamble, acknowledges that “it’s time for action.” As a start, P&G announced in early June that it was launching a “Take On Race” fund to support organizations pursuing equality: the company made an initial $5 million contribution. More work, however, lies ahead. “Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized,” says Taylor. “This simply won’t work.”

On the sales front P&G, in its 183rd year, is one of the rare companies thriving in the pandemic. Quarantined consumers have been stocking up on P&G products like Pampers, Mr. Clean and Charmin. P&G has also adjusted its plans to meet emerging COVID-19 needs. Early on in the crisis, for example, a team at a P&G facility in Boston figured out that the plastic in Gillette packaging could be used to make face shields for health care workers. “We don’t make face shields,” says Taylor. “But they said, ‘We can. We could repurpose this, change this, work with somebody here’ and now we’re going to ship 300,000 of them by the middle of June.”

With sanitizer in short supply, a P&G plant in Lima, Ohio, repurposed some of its perfume-making equipment for detergents and fabric softeners. “They got the World Health Organization formula and then within days were making sanitizer in 55-gallon barrels,” says Taylor. The company is now pumping out 45,000 liters of sanitizer a week. “We’re not selling any of it,” he says. “We’re giving it away, or we’re using it in our plants and our operations to stay safe.”

Taylor, a Charlotte, N.C., native, has spent his entire career at P&G—he started in 1980 out as a production manager in North Carolina plant that made adult diapers. He recently joined TIME for a video conversation from his home office in Cincinnati: he outlined P&G’s response to the unrest engulfing the country, shared concerns about new COVID-19 outbreaks, and talked about how he stays energized. (Hint: running up and down stairs between meetings helps.)

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

(This interview with Procter & Gamble CEO David Taylor has been condensed and edited for clarity).

How do you lead a massive organization through what the country is going through right now?

It’s important, as a leader, to connect personally, meaningfully and empathetically with all employees. It’s also a time for action. Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized. This simply won’t work. The change we need is broad and deep and requires us all to be active—as friends and colleagues, and as allies and advocates.

Specifically, what is P&G doing internally?

We have and will continue to build a diverse employee and leadership base to reflect the consumers we serve, and foster an inclusive, respectful, welcoming and affirming culture. We are ensuring we view our business practices through an equality lens. We are also continuing to create safe spaces for dialogue within P&G, living our values, and demonstrating our humanity.

And what is the company doing externally?

It’s important that we step up to help create the world in which we want to live. So, P&G and our brands are stepping up our ongoing efforts to advance equality for all people, and especially, right now, for Black Americans who face racism and bias. We established the P&G “Take On Race” fund with an initial contribution of $5 million to help fuel organizations that fight for justice, advance economic opportunity, enable greater access to education and health care and make our communities more equitable.

What have you communicated to your workforce this week?

This is an important moment for listening, empathy and action. I reached to P&G people not only as a leader, but also as a concerned citizen, father and husband—reinforcing my personal continued commitment to equality and justice and to affirm P&G increased efforts in this area.

Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized. This simply won’t work.We know that our success is grounded in the success of our employees, consumers and communities. All of them.

Shifting to the pandemic, do you have concerns about a second wave?

If I would wish anything more broadly for society is to not dismiss this if you don’t have it or know somebody that has it. Because it is a very transmissible disease. And when you’re outside your home, just be conscious that even if you’re not wearing a mask, the risk of you infecting somebody, if you’re asymptomatic, is real. I am concerned when you see the things that you see on TV. Many, just out of frustration of being cooped up, may put their guard down. And the risk is that we start to get the seesaw. We get better, then worse. Better, then worse. And certainly, for the health of all citizens, and all people, I hope people take it very seriously.

P&G has manufactured millions of masks during the pandemic. What do you think of the President’s actions relative to masks?

What I will say is I do believe that leaders need to role model the desired behavior. So when I’m out at the grocery store, always a mask. P&G people, they recognize that role modeling matters because others look to what leaders do. And so that’s why in our plants, our plant leaders should wear masks. It’s important for all of us to recognize that people will look to others for signs of what’s the best behavior. I’ll leave it at that.

Let’s get the toilet paper questions out of the way. On March 12th, toilet paper sales increased by more than 700% year-over-year, making it the top-selling product in the country for the day. Why toilet paper?

It goes back to a very simple thing, which is if there’s uncertainty ahead and you’re not sure you’re going to be able to go to a store, think of any product in your home that if you didn’t have would be a problem. If you don’t have certain things, there’s a good alternative. But when you get to basic care of yourself, there’s not a lot of substitutes for toilet paper. What would you do for three or four days without toilet paper?

So this was a demand surge, not a supply issue? For the record, there is no shortage.

Absolutely. Supply has actually been fine. Supply is up. It’s largely over now, but there was a short-term spike where people started hoarding and stocking up. If you buy a three-month’s supply then all of a sudden the shelves get bare.

I understand that it’s a surprisingly complex product to manufacture.

We have a proprietary process that we developed many years ago that gives you the softness and strength that you want in Charmin. It’s a wet strength so that it does its job, but then it dissolves so that it can go down the toilet. And Bounty is a product that if you’ve ever gotten it wet, it doesn’t fall apart. So it’s got absorption, but it doesn’t fall apart when wet. So it’s a different technology. It is high-speed, very technical manufacturing. The technicians and managers that run it are very, very skilled.

Has this experience changed your view about “just-in-time” inventories and how much cushion needs to be built into the system?

Not largely. I’ve been with P&G 40 years and I’ve seen maybe a couple of these over four decades. So, the risk in over-rotating back to big inventories is you tie up a lot of assets and there’s inefficiency there for the whole system.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

What other products that you make are seeing strong demand?

There’s a long list of things. Anything that deals with personal or family safety, we’re seeing spike. We’ve seen Mr. Clean do well. Even things like sleep aids, ZzzQuil, because people are at home and there’s the stresses of all of this. That category is growing faster than it was before.

What about razors and razor blades and shaving cream?

That category has been negatively impacted. And it’s because people when they’re at home, you’ll generally see less shaving. If you normally shave each day before you go to work, you may say ‘I’ll do it every two or three days.

What is your personal outlook for the economy?

I’m not an economist, but I do believe that it’s going to be a difficult period until we get to the vaccine. And even then, the vaccine may or may not be one that’s always effective. Certainly, my hope is for the fastest recovery. My belief is that we’ll be in a bumpy period for a number of months until we get probably into early ’21.

Your facilities are deemed essential and are operating at full capacity. How are you operating safely?

For the plants we’re operating, and our distribution centers, and our offices, we’ve learned from our experiences in China and in Italy, early on, when it was very bad there, in both those places, that we have to be very disciplined. When you come in at the door, temperature checks. If there’s any issue there, stay at home and get checked out. If you don’t feel well, stay at home. If you’re in a high-risk group and uncomfortable, stay home. If you have a comorbidity that causes you to be concerned, stay home, and we have very good plans and benefits to take care of people.

Then, if you clear the temperature check, you have to have a mask on; we have masks available for our people in plants. And then once you’ve cleared temperature checks and you have your mask, then we’ve gone to social distancing throughout our buildings.

China is your second largest market: Are you worried about the U.S.-China relationship?

Certainly. I think it would be very bad for the U.S. and for China and for the world, for the two largest economies to decouple and not have free and open trade. The rhetoric that we see at times is very concerning. My hope is, and I don’t have perfect knowledge, my hope is that there are behind the scenes, thoughtful, respectful dialogue, and negotiations going on. I do believe change needs to take place on some of the things like intellectual property rights. We’ve seen progress. And we believe dialogue and negotiation is much better than decoupling.

Hunger is an issue you’re passionate about. Why can’t the richest country in the world, our country, feed all of its citizens?

I spent eight years on the board of Feeding America. And it’s one of the questions, frankly, and one of the challenges we put forth to both lawmakers and to a number of other donor companies to say we collectively can do better. I don’t know the latest numbers, but over 15 million children are food insecure. There’s a lot of food that’s not harvested because there’s not a way to get it from the field to a person that’s hungry. There’s not an economic model. And those are the kind of things that Feeding America is working on addressing. There’s a food system for all of us with money. There needs to be a food system for those that for a period of time are unable to care for themselves, and that’s what the food system that Feeding America and the food banks are working on.

What was your first job at P&G?

My career is atypical. I started as a shift manufacturing manager in Greenville, North Carolina on one of our paper businesses. I worked there for five years. There were really powerful career journey learnings to work in a manufacturing environment, on shift. On third shift, nobody cares what degree you have. They care whether you can get that line back up. And it was just amazing to see the way the team would come together when you valued each other for what you can do. Not for what title you may have or what degree you may have.

What did the plant make?

The brand was Attends, we don’t have it any more, and it was for adult incontinence. So it was a big diaper. A mega-Pampers, if you will. An adult diaper.

What is the least favorite part of your CEO job?

It’s big meetings, lots of people and lots of Powerpoint. And then people feel they have to share everything they know. I’m really not interested in being presented to a lot. I’m not wild about sitting down, review, review, review. What I want to do is talk to people and add value where I can. The other thing that does happen at times in big companies is there’s a lot of filtering. And I really value when you go to a plant, or to a sales office, or to an R&D Center, talking to the person that’s closest to the consumer or the customer as opposed to going through something that may have been filtered and vetted too much for alignment.

Where do you feel you really add value?

What I don’t believe is in micromanaging. My job is not to manage. It’s to lead.

There’s two or three things that I think are most important, where I can add value because the people that run the businesses do a great job: On talent, to make sure we have the right people in a team that works together. And it’s probably one of the things I put the most energy into everywhere I’ve been in my career. I believe so much that when you have a diverse team with a lot of different experiences, and different nationalities, genders, and, it’s critically important, and you create the environment — the inclusion — where they truly feel they can come as themselves and speak truth to power.

And one of the reasons I’ve been successful is not because I have the answers. I’ve learned many years ago, I don’t have to know the answer. I don’t have to be right. I have to get the right thing done. Many people try to be right. I just need to ensure the right thing gets done. And it’s a powerful thing to believe that not one of us is smarter than all of us.

It’s a powerful thing to believe that not one of us is smarter than all of us.The second is a focused, clear, understandable strategy. When we don’t perform well, it’s not that we don’t have good people. It is for whatever reason, either our strategy is not focused, which we’ve had cases in our company where we tried to chase too many objectives, too many mouths to feed, or we created a structure that inhibited people’s creativity and capability to contribute.

Any lessons that you picked up from mentors?

I want to be present for everybody I meet with. For somebody coming in, often it’s a big deal. Even though it’s just David, it’s still the CEO of P&G. And part of what you want to do is to be fully present. I’ve learned that from some of the great leaders that I’ve worked with in the past on how great I felt when I met with them. And they actually have seemed like they paid attention to me, and listened.

You have a lot on your plate: Any time management tips?

I generally focus less on time management. I believe — and I learned this from a course I went to many years ago — in energy management. If you’ve got the energy, you’ll make good use of your time. So that’s where you get up, wake on time every day. Drink a ton of water. And if you get a little bit tired in the day, especially with jet lag, run up and down stairs, and you’re back on again. Anything that kicks your heart rate up to keep your cognitive facilities clicking is going to help.

You run up and down stairs between meetings?

Oh yeah, I’ll do that often. My office is on the 11th floor of the building. The cafeteria is on the 5th floor. I haven’t used the elevator, I can’t remember the last time, to go to lunch. I run down 6 stories, get your lunch. Run up 6 stories, and then it sets you up for the afternoon.

  TAYLOR’S FAVORITES

BUSINESS BOOK: Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

AUTHOR: David Baldacci.

APP: Both the app and device would be the Fitbit because it’s the way I help keep myself (healthy). I’ve got it on right now, and I make sure I get my 10,000 steps. I almost always get my 70,000 by the end of the week. If I had to do a ton on the weekend, then it’s the way I keep myself honest.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2MU2Wx9

[itsfinancethings]

(Miss this week’s The Leadership Brief? This interview below was delivered to the inbox of Leadership Brief subscribers on Sunday morning, June 14; to receive weekly emails of conversations with the world’s top CEO’s and business decision makers, click here.)

As the United States—and the world—continues to reckon with systemic racial injustice, David Taylor, CEO of the $67 billion multinational consumer goods company Procter & Gamble, acknowledges that “it’s time for action.” As a start, P&G announced in early June that it was launching a “Take On Race” fund to support organizations pursuing equality: the company made an initial $5 million contribution. More work, however, lies ahead. “Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized,” says Taylor. “This simply won’t work.”

On the sales front P&G, in its 183rd year, is one of the rare companies thriving in the pandemic. Quarantined consumers have been stocking up on P&G products like Pampers, Mr. Clean and Charmin. P&G has also adjusted its plans to meet emerging COVID-19 needs. Early on in the crisis, for example, a team at a P&G facility in Boston figured out that the plastic in Gillette packaging could be used to make face shields for health care workers. “We don’t make face shields,” says Taylor. “But they said, ‘We can. We could repurpose this, change this, work with somebody here’ and now we’re going to ship 300,000 of them by the middle of June.”

With sanitizer in short supply, a P&G plant in Lima, Ohio, repurposed some of its perfume-making equipment for detergents and fabric softeners. “They got the World Health Organization formula and then within days were making sanitizer in 55-gallon barrels,” says Taylor. The company is now pumping out 45,000 liters of sanitizer a week. “We’re not selling any of it,” he says. “We’re giving it away, or we’re using it in our plants and our operations to stay safe.”

Taylor, a Charlotte, N.C., native, has spent his entire career at P&G—he started in 1980 out as a production manager in North Carolina plant that made adult diapers. He recently joined TIME for a video conversation from his home office in Cincinnati: he outlined P&G’s response to the unrest engulfing the country, shared concerns about new COVID-19 outbreaks, and talked about how he stays energized. (Hint: running up and down stairs between meetings helps.)

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

(This interview with Procter & Gamble CEO David Taylor has been condensed and edited for clarity).

How do you lead a massive organization through what the country is going through right now?

It’s important, as a leader, to connect personally, meaningfully and empathetically with all employees. It’s also a time for action. Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized. This simply won’t work. The change we need is broad and deep and requires us all to be active—as friends and colleagues, and as allies and advocates.

Specifically, what is P&G doing internally?

We have and will continue to build a diverse employee and leadership base to reflect the consumers we serve, and foster an inclusive, respectful, welcoming and affirming culture. We are ensuring we view our business practices through an equality lens. We are also continuing to create safe spaces for dialogue within P&G, living our values, and demonstrating our humanity.

And what is the company doing externally?

It’s important that we step up to help create the world in which we want to live. So, P&G and our brands are stepping up our ongoing efforts to advance equality for all people, and especially, right now, for Black Americans who face racism and bias. We established the P&G “Take On Race” fund with an initial contribution of $5 million to help fuel organizations that fight for justice, advance economic opportunity, enable greater access to education and health care and make our communities more equitable.

What have you communicated to your workforce this week?

This is an important moment for listening, empathy and action. I reached to P&G people not only as a leader, but also as a concerned citizen, father and husband—reinforcing my personal continued commitment to equality and justice and to affirm P&G increased efforts in this area.

Far too often, the burden of seeking equality rests on the shoulders of those most marginalized. This simply won’t work.We know that our success is grounded in the success of our employees, consumers and communities. All of them.

Shifting to the pandemic, do you have concerns about a second wave?

If I would wish anything more broadly for society is to not dismiss this if you don’t have it or know somebody that has it. Because it is a very transmissible disease. And when you’re outside your home, just be conscious that even if you’re not wearing a mask, the risk of you infecting somebody, if you’re asymptomatic, is real. I am concerned when you see the things that you see on TV. Many, just out of frustration of being cooped up, may put their guard down. And the risk is that we start to get the seesaw. We get better, then worse. Better, then worse. And certainly, for the health of all citizens, and all people, I hope people take it very seriously.

P&G has manufactured millions of masks during the pandemic. What do you think of the President’s actions relative to masks?

What I will say is I do believe that leaders need to role model the desired behavior. So when I’m out at the grocery store, always a mask. P&G people, they recognize that role modeling matters because others look to what leaders do. And so that’s why in our plants, our plant leaders should wear masks. It’s important for all of us to recognize that people will look to others for signs of what’s the best behavior. I’ll leave it at that.

Let’s get the toilet paper questions out of the way. On March 12th, toilet paper sales increased by more than 700% year-over-year, making it the top-selling product in the country for the day. Why toilet paper?

It goes back to a very simple thing, which is if there’s uncertainty ahead and you’re not sure you’re going to be able to go to a store, think of any product in your home that if you didn’t have would be a problem. If you don’t have certain things, there’s a good alternative. But when you get to basic care of yourself, there’s not a lot of substitutes for toilet paper. What would you do for three or four days without toilet paper?

So this was a demand surge, not a supply issue? For the record, there is no shortage.

Absolutely. Supply has actually been fine. Supply is up. It’s largely over now, but there was a short-term spike where people started hoarding and stocking up. If you buy a three-month’s supply then all of a sudden the shelves get bare.

I understand that it’s a surprisingly complex product to manufacture.

We have a proprietary process that we developed many years ago that gives you the softness and strength that you want in Charmin. It’s a wet strength so that it does its job, but then it dissolves so that it can go down the toilet. And Bounty is a product that if you’ve ever gotten it wet, it doesn’t fall apart. So it’s got absorption, but it doesn’t fall apart when wet. So it’s a different technology. It is high-speed, very technical manufacturing. The technicians and managers that run it are very, very skilled.

Has this experience changed your view about “just-in-time” inventories and how much cushion needs to be built into the system?

Not largely. I’ve been with P&G 40 years and I’ve seen maybe a couple of these over four decades. So, the risk in over-rotating back to big inventories is you tie up a lot of assets and there’s inefficiency there for the whole system.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

What other products that you make are seeing strong demand?

There’s a long list of things. Anything that deals with personal or family safety, we’re seeing spike. We’ve seen Mr. Clean do well. Even things like sleep aids, ZzzQuil, because people are at home and there’s the stresses of all of this. That category is growing faster than it was before.

What about razors and razor blades and shaving cream?

That category has been negatively impacted. And it’s because people when they’re at home, you’ll generally see less shaving. If you normally shave each day before you go to work, you may say ‘I’ll do it every two or three days.

What is your personal outlook for the economy?

I’m not an economist, but I do believe that it’s going to be a difficult period until we get to the vaccine. And even then, the vaccine may or may not be one that’s always effective. Certainly, my hope is for the fastest recovery. My belief is that we’ll be in a bumpy period for a number of months until we get probably into early ’21.

Your facilities are deemed essential and are operating at full capacity. How are you operating safely?

For the plants we’re operating, and our distribution centers, and our offices, we’ve learned from our experiences in China and in Italy, early on, when it was very bad there, in both those places, that we have to be very disciplined. When you come in at the door, temperature checks. If there’s any issue there, stay at home and get checked out. If you don’t feel well, stay at home. If you’re in a high-risk group and uncomfortable, stay home. If you have a comorbidity that causes you to be concerned, stay home, and we have very good plans and benefits to take care of people.

Then, if you clear the temperature check, you have to have a mask on; we have masks available for our people in plants. And then once you’ve cleared temperature checks and you have your mask, then we’ve gone to social distancing throughout our buildings.

China is your second largest market: Are you worried about the U.S.-China relationship?

Certainly. I think it would be very bad for the U.S. and for China and for the world, for the two largest economies to decouple and not have free and open trade. The rhetoric that we see at times is very concerning. My hope is, and I don’t have perfect knowledge, my hope is that there are behind the scenes, thoughtful, respectful dialogue, and negotiations going on. I do believe change needs to take place on some of the things like intellectual property rights. We’ve seen progress. And we believe dialogue and negotiation is much better than decoupling.

Hunger is an issue you’re passionate about. Why can’t the richest country in the world, our country, feed all of its citizens?

I spent eight years on the board of Feeding America. And it’s one of the questions, frankly, and one of the challenges we put forth to both lawmakers and to a number of other donor companies to say we collectively can do better. I don’t know the latest numbers, but over 15 million children are food insecure. There’s a lot of food that’s not harvested because there’s not a way to get it from the field to a person that’s hungry. There’s not an economic model. And those are the kind of things that Feeding America is working on addressing. There’s a food system for all of us with money. There needs to be a food system for those that for a period of time are unable to care for themselves, and that’s what the food system that Feeding America and the food banks are working on.

What was your first job at P&G?

My career is atypical. I started as a shift manufacturing manager in Greenville, North Carolina on one of our paper businesses. I worked there for five years. There were really powerful career journey learnings to work in a manufacturing environment, on shift. On third shift, nobody cares what degree you have. They care whether you can get that line back up. And it was just amazing to see the way the team would come together when you valued each other for what you can do. Not for what title you may have or what degree you may have.

What did the plant make?

The brand was Attends, we don’t have it any more, and it was for adult incontinence. So it was a big diaper. A mega-Pampers, if you will. An adult diaper.

What is the least favorite part of your CEO job?

It’s big meetings, lots of people and lots of Powerpoint. And then people feel they have to share everything they know. I’m really not interested in being presented to a lot. I’m not wild about sitting down, review, review, review. What I want to do is talk to people and add value where I can. The other thing that does happen at times in big companies is there’s a lot of filtering. And I really value when you go to a plant, or to a sales office, or to an R&D Center, talking to the person that’s closest to the consumer or the customer as opposed to going through something that may have been filtered and vetted too much for alignment.

Where do you feel you really add value?

What I don’t believe is in micromanaging. My job is not to manage. It’s to lead.

There’s two or three things that I think are most important, where I can add value because the people that run the businesses do a great job: On talent, to make sure we have the right people in a team that works together. And it’s probably one of the things I put the most energy into everywhere I’ve been in my career. I believe so much that when you have a diverse team with a lot of different experiences, and different nationalities, genders, and, it’s critically important, and you create the environment — the inclusion — where they truly feel they can come as themselves and speak truth to power.

And one of the reasons I’ve been successful is not because I have the answers. I’ve learned many years ago, I don’t have to know the answer. I don’t have to be right. I have to get the right thing done. Many people try to be right. I just need to ensure the right thing gets done. And it’s a powerful thing to believe that not one of us is smarter than all of us.

It’s a powerful thing to believe that not one of us is smarter than all of us.The second is a focused, clear, understandable strategy. When we don’t perform well, it’s not that we don’t have good people. It is for whatever reason, either our strategy is not focused, which we’ve had cases in our company where we tried to chase too many objectives, too many mouths to feed, or we created a structure that inhibited people’s creativity and capability to contribute.

Any lessons that you picked up from mentors?

I want to be present for everybody I meet with. For somebody coming in, often it’s a big deal. Even though it’s just David, it’s still the CEO of P&G. And part of what you want to do is to be fully present. I’ve learned that from some of the great leaders that I’ve worked with in the past on how great I felt when I met with them. And they actually have seemed like they paid attention to me, and listened.

You have a lot on your plate: Any time management tips?

I generally focus less on time management. I believe — and I learned this from a course I went to many years ago — in energy management. If you’ve got the energy, you’ll make good use of your time. So that’s where you get up, wake on time every day. Drink a ton of water. And if you get a little bit tired in the day, especially with jet lag, run up and down stairs, and you’re back on again. Anything that kicks your heart rate up to keep your cognitive facilities clicking is going to help.

You run up and down stairs between meetings?

Oh yeah, I’ll do that often. My office is on the 11th floor of the building. The cafeteria is on the 5th floor. I haven’t used the elevator, I can’t remember the last time, to go to lunch. I run down 6 stories, get your lunch. Run up 6 stories, and then it sets you up for the afternoon.

  TAYLOR’S FAVORITES

BUSINESS BOOK: Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

AUTHOR: David Baldacci.

APP: Both the app and device would be the Fitbit because it’s the way I help keep myself (healthy). I’ve got it on right now, and I make sure I get my 10,000 steps. I almost always get my 70,000 by the end of the week. If I had to do a ton on the weekend, then it’s the way I keep myself honest.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.