#so i didnt want to talk abt it so i ended the conversation just stopped talking. & 5 minutes later

[yongseungkim]

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[chisatowo]

I need 2 stop making salmonid ocs I cannot design all these fuckers I need 2 design the many many characters from my actual stories and aus that need designed and yet all I wanna do is make more emo fish ppl help-

[starrshaddow]

I think mizu is pretty blunt and straightforward to the point it's easy to misunderstand her as being rude

If youre the kind of person that considers someone's tone and aligns it with what you think they think of you, then you'll probably think she straight up hates you the first time you met

I mean imagine being in a very social place (maybe school event.) and you know absolutely NO ONE but her. You dont know her either but you share one class with her and she seems pretty chill. You try to at least stick with someone you know in this very loud and crowded place. You strike a convo, a very casual but somewhat confident one at that.

"this much people is tiring to be around, right?"

And she just

Stares at you.

Dead faced stare, no emotion. nothing

And your heart sinks and you feel so embarrassed of yourself

You were too busy thinking about how she just ignored you that you didnt see her look away and kind of, slightly glance behind her for a sec

Turns out she thought u were talking to someone behind her 💀

mizu's def very awkward outside of conversations that can be professional, school related, or other people related (i mean if you ask her about how she knows this person, or that person)

she's not very well with small talk or talking abt herself?

"i think so."

When she spoke u feel reassured so u keep on trying to talk to her more, but the stuff she says are really limited. her voice pretty uninterested. It gave you the impression that you were bothering her. So eventually, you stop talking to her.

Then it was silent for a lil while,

"how about you?"

She spoke and you forgot what you were talking about before she spoke.

The music from the event and the group who was performing was so loud. Its hard to think

"what?"

Then she looks at you

Eyes blue and bright against the dark. Her face illuminated by the lights from the perfomance on the stage.

"why'd you come here even if you hate crowds?"

She's pretty

You will never deny that, as much as you will not say it out loud

___

I think when you left early, I think she walked with you.

You were both walking at the same path. You were both heading to the bus stop.

But when you got to the bus stop, she stops just a distance away from you.

"you ride the bus home too?"

"no." she places her hands in her trouser's pockets. "i just didnt want to stay there."

"oh."

Then its just awkward silence 😭

Istg the first to the five moments you shared with her, i believe she's super awkward. She does try to strike up a convo back but shes so bad at it that she ends up asking the most random things.

One time it was so random it made you laugh

And she thought you were mocking her and she looked kinda sad 😭 so you had to reassure her that you werent making fun of her and that her question was just super random it caught you off guard

you two meeting each other and spending time together in long period of time is rare. Even the class you shared together wasnt enough to hang out with her.

you didnt even know her name (you forgot)

"your name is mizu?" you said. The class was filled with chatter at the time since the professor wasnt there yet.

"Yours is (y/n), right?"

"yeah." then you smiled. "yours is prettier though. Suits you."

She looked confused for a sec, but nods.

She looked shy.

"thank you."

her voice was low. but she meant it.

But overtime, i think you two getting closer stemmed from when you didnt go to class for like a week?

She was wondering what happened to you. She wasnt even sure if she should check on you because, again, you guys share so little convo that she's not even sure if it was even enough to consider you as a friend and check up on you.

So i think she asked a friend of hers, probably ringo or akemi (her last resort was to ask taigen) if they knew you or share a class with you. but they all didnt.

So she waited for you to come to class.

Would glance at the door to see if you'd walk in.

you werent close to her

but despite tha she somewhat feels better when you're with her in the class, you know? You dont talk much but your presence is really comforting.

She has friends that check up on her a lot but there are times when they feel overwhelming.

Whatever awkward silence that eventually became comfortable silence between the two of you was something she missed while you were gone

And also the little convo you make. And her awkward ones (even tho being reminded of some of it make her stare at the wall and feel immense embarrassment)

It made her realize she'd actually like to get to know you more.

So when the door opened and you stepped in, dressed in that distinct fashion you usually wear, she felt relieved.

"you've been gone for a while."

you chuckled and place your stuff on the chair beside her.

"yeah. i got sick."

"do you feel better now?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

She definitely asked for your number that day. And she deeefinitely stared at your number when she got home, wondering if she should text you and ask if you got home safe.

I think mizu's wariness of trying to build/have more relationships (platonic or not) happened because of mik-(cant even type his name. He disgust me 😒). The fact she was so open to someone and shed all her walls for him just to be betrayed and forgotten like nothing transpired between them is traumatizing.

I like to think that mizu was on her maybe 1st year while he was at his fourth year. She was super naive and thought he was the nicest guy when all he did was give her the bare minimum 😔. I think she loved him enough to actually live with him (just the memory of it disgusts her). She lived far from the uni and she definitely has to commute long hours back and forth. So she thought it was a good idea to live with him (it wasnt).

Man, did that guy scar her so much she thought she wouldnt be able to finish her 1st year.

Anyways.

She did text you that day.

And she was more than surprised to see you texting her back almost immediately

I did! :D thanks for checking up on me. Hav u eaten dinner yet?

😭😭 I THINK MIZU FINDS YOU SUPER CUTE AND ENDEARING. LIKE YOU'RE A VERY SUPER WHOLESOME PERSON

You're just so?? Gentle and calm, it feels so reassuring and tranquil.

You feel like. this. Calming breeze of wind that soothes her

So she goes over her hesitancy of keeping and making relationships and starts pursuing you more, hoping to spend more time with you.

and when she did.. gosh.

You were a lot more than a gentle breeze, you were beaming with warmth as well.

She went out her way to check your schedule and compare it to hers. When she sees she have a vacant time, she goes to school to hang out with you

Say you have early classes while she doesnt even have classes that day? She'd wake up early to catch you on your morning break to eat outside with you.

It took you by surprise at first, but ofc you said yes

You just be sitting across from her, gazing out the window with her. You learned just now that Mizu likes the seats where she can see the outside. She's wearing a cozy loose sweater and her hair is tied up.

"what are the classes you're attending today?"

You see her purse her lips a bit and then she shakes her head. her little stray hair bouncing on her forehead.

"i dont have any classes."

What.

Your brain short circuited

She saw your confusion, but she looked at your hands which is now holding your burger too slanted that the ketchup is spilling on your palm.

So she gently took your hand in her own, which is much bigger than yours. She takes ahold of your hand so easy that it made your brain malfunction more.

"i said," she started as she took your burger away from your hands to wipe your palm with a tissue. "I have no classes today."

Then she held your hand, and looked you in the eyes.

"I just wanted to see you."

And so,

This was when YOU realized you were totally into her.

___

That made you so flustered that you couldnt forget it when you came home.

Your stomach feels so warm and you felt so giddy over that.

You know better not to get over yourself, but it was still something that you think about often.

After a few days, when you were on your way home after your last class

It was late at night

The moon was shining down

Then you see someone near the entrance of the building, tapping at their phone and seemingly busy.

you felt kinda scared and cautious. So you just speed walked out of there and walked even faster when you hear footsteps after you

"wait," they called after you. "(Y/n), wait!"

You stopped walking and turned to see Mizu catching up to you.

She has a small smile on her face when she finally caught up to you.

Then she laughed

She looked so carefree

"You sure do run fast even with those short legs."

she looks so nice when she smiles that it made you forget you were mad(?) at her for scaring you like that.

You frowned.

"You're just tall."

She walks up to you. Close enough that you can smell her perfume.

It's faint but strong. Of course she's the type to wear masculine perfumes.

"Hm." she said. "Can't hear you from up here."

You looked her in the eye and shuffled closer to her.

You can tell she tensed up a bit but her gaze remained on you, wondering what you will do.

You raised your hands near her face to pull her hood over her head and pull the drawstrings

"Shut up and go home. No way I'm walking with you now."

She still insisted on walking you home. Of course, you gave in.

Now you're standing and waiting for the bus.

"Won't you feel cold?" she said.

"It's not really cold out here." you said.

"I meant in the bus, on the way home. The uni is a bit far from your apartment, yeah?"

You thought for a moment, then you looked at her with a furrow in your brows.

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

Mizu didnt respond, she just has this knowing look on her face.

She shuffled a bit. You thought she was going to do something snarky, until realized she was taking off her hoodie.

She walked up to you and with her hoodie in her hands. She leaned close to fix it over your shoulder. She made sure it was hugging you snugly.

"tell me when you get home."

mizu walked you home that night and purposely wore a hoodie bcz she wanted to have a reason to have you borrow her clothes and see you in them.

She's totally showing you that she likes you but you don't realize it yet 😭😭

[choccy-milky]

Status update on the dark relic nsfw comic please ma'am 🙏 my family is dying

ITS DONE!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉...well, the DRAWING part is as of yesterday BAHAHA. now im just adding all the dialogue/speech bubbles/sfx, SO ITS DEFINITELY GONNA BE SOON!! DEFS BY THIS WEEKEND!! ive just been very nitpicky on the font which i cant decide on LMAO and im also nitpicky abt other final touches LOL. i didnt wanna show anymore cuz ive already shown so much but HERES THE FINAL SNEAK PEEK

and speaking of fonts, i normally use handwriting by jeremy paz!

oh man its so random, but i either use the name lumi or clora for everything whenever i play rpgs (baldurs gate 3, dragon age, you name it) and clora originated from rune factory 4 LOL. theres a character named 'clorica' and i really liked that name, it sounds so elegant and fantasy ish, so i eventually just shortened it to clora bahaha. now its my go-to. i like how simple it is but it also sounds unique and works in modern AND fantasy settings, imo

my first and ONLY playthrough was as clora! i originally did try to make myself at the start, but i have short brown hair and straight across bangs, and they didnt have a style that felt 'me', so i went with just making a ravenclaw that i liked, and then gave her my go-to name of clora HAHA. and yea, i built up her and sebs relationship in my head as i was playing, especially with all the running around the castle i did. i just liked to imagine her constantly out of breath and flushed and seb just watching like ....🧍girl chill...

AND SPEAKING OF MY DARK RELIC COMIC/SMUT, my biggest advice for writing smut id say is to have a reasoning behind it, i guess? i focus a lot on their headspace/WHY they're fucking at that moment when i write it LOL instead of just the movements/sex for the sake of sex. in your case, the sexual tension leading up to the first time gives you SO much to work with, since you can just be in his head with how much hes looking forward to it, how much hes savouring it, how he's also nervous but enjoying it and trusting the other person, etc. the thoughts are hotter than the actual deed a lot of the times (which is why when clora and seb did it for the first time it ended up being like, 15k words of just foreplay and build up from sebs perspective LMAOO) so yeah id just try to focus on their emotions and desires if you can! and a lot of the times with consent stuff it CAN feel forced, and you dont even really need your characters to talk about that stuff verbally, at least not too much. you can do it in body language, or just something as simple as 'ill stop if you want'. it doesnt have to be a long therapist-like conversation about consent, which CAN tend to sound a little awkward and unrealistic (esp in the heat of the moment), if thats the problem you're having. HOPE I COULD HELP

also i love this for you and for me. YES GO ON AND MAKE A BUNCH OF CLORA CLONES, I COMMAND IT👉👉👉

and last but not least the most important question. honestly i like plain sweets a lot with no icing/filling. im a slut for shortbread cookies and also just plain glazed donuts. and also custard/portugese/egg tarts, which i also forced clora to like in my fic HAHA. IF YOU HAVENT HAD THEM YOU HAVE TO, THEYRE SO GOOD😩😩💖💖

[hyunjinspark]

i read the new chapter n jade..... my heart burned so badly, everything seems to be crumbling down all over n to think this has been yns long wished for dream that turned out a nightmare.. i have a few annotates to make!! ill out them below, its my first time so i rlly hope its not messy >.<

“Of course not” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, continuing to add details to his little map, right now he was adding the 7/11 between your house and Aera’s.

hyun thinking of yn neighborhood so fondly n cherishing the scenery sm let alone remember it to add to his painting was so heart wrenching in a good way.. it made me smile

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to be possible Jinnie. And…you’re probably gonna have to get the flowers tomorrow” Chan suddenly said, filling up the blender with ingredients.

i knew exactly where this was going n for some reason it made me rlly sulky.... hyuns hectic life ;—;

“No, but my girlfr-“ Hyunjin stopped in his sentence, clearing his throat, and he could feel Chan’s gaze burn curiously into him, “Um…one of my friends is. He’s her favourite artist in the world”

i was blushing so hard here, i got so flustered, i hope yn finds out abt this, the subconsciously calling her his girlfriend, its so!!!!!!! god!!!!!!

He saw your eyes widen, and a deep emotion overwhelmed you. He didn’t see you react more, and he wondered what this meant to you, what he meant to you right now, even so far away. You didn't say anything back. You must be holding it all in, just like him. Maybe you didn’t know how to put your thoughts into words. He couldn't blame you. Even after reading all the poems in the world, Hyunjin didn’t have the words either. Not enough anyway.

i loved seeing more of hyuns heart during such conversations!!!!! we havent gotten much of it so i cherish it all dearly n feeling hyuns sincerity towards yn from such insights, he better tell her sooner or later, poor yns heart deserves to know ;—; especially after the mess going on for a while now

I want you here with me at this party. Fuck, it’s so dull without you. If you were here, we could just sneak off and…I would kiss you. Positively. My manager is here, the scary one, but he doesn’t have to know. Earlier, I was reading a book and there was an English word in it that reminded me of you. Saudade. I looked it up because I was so curious and it said it’s a state of melancholy for a beloved someone or something. I think that explains this ridiculous feeling I have when I think of you. I have it even when I’m not thinking of you. Like last week, when we were recording this one song. It’s like you’re here with me in everything. I guess what I’m saying is, I just want to kiss you really really badly and fuck I’m really drunk so I’m sorry for how this may sound but I just really need to feel you—

this was one of the hottest things ive read through slwy..... the words rnt coming out, but, the desperation n need in his words here melt me.. i am yet again nothing but a woman it seems, this was genuinely so hot. i cant say it enough. i kind of wish he wasnt cut off at the end.....

Suddenly the expensive bracelets he was wearing felt like shackles around Hyunjin’s wrists. 

When he got home that night, he realised the hydrangeas in his room had withered away completely.

the poetry/metaphors in these lines were beautiful jade :(

At your question, Hyunjin’s grip on the wheel tightened. His shoulders tensed up.

You'd struck a nerve.

Good.

yn getting some revenge this way was so satisfying to read. yes u struck a nerve n yes its good that u did!!!

hey. i was just talking with minho and man, i miss you

I know you’ve likely forgotten all about me but call me later please…I think ill die here without you

yongbok is so sweet, i do miss him n i didnt realize how much i did until reading his texts here

“She’s a really good artist” Hyunjin suddenly interrupted you.

proud boyfriend behavior. i dont know if u understand but this was so proud boyfriend!

He’d gotten so much better in your absence. You’d only gotten worse in his.

this just hurt. bc yes. :( hyun come back :(

“No, I’m not done talking. After losing you, moving to the city was the hardest thing I ever did. Leaving Daejon behind, all my friends…the only life I knew, and this place where I don’t really fit perfectly, but I’m trying so hard to. It is so hard. The only thing I love…I can’t even love that anymore because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you when I’m painting! It’s not fair. You had a choice, Hyunjin. I didn’t” Your voice broke.

hearing it all pour out of her is so heartbreaking bc it feels like theres so much more she wants to say but cant bc of how overwhelming it is, my chest felt heavy hearing her like this :(

“I…couldn’t leave you at the party. It’s not safe…of course I had to drive you home. I would go insane if something happened to you”

something happened to her when u disappeared, dummy..... u should go insane over that instead bc yn did. so did i. hyun come back!!!!! ;—;

Raindrops slowly trickled down, tracing the ruined paper in your palm. The only memory left of you and Hyunjin was now gone.

heart ripped off my chest. im v sentimental even w materials so this.... it rlly hurt.

“Fine” You heard it being passed around and then his voice came in, “Love. I’m here”

i had these copy pasted in my notes but i just got to send u this ask so im unsure if this was bbok or lino... im thinking bbok, hes so comforting amongst the chaos he seems to be the constant yn needs

Draped in a beige trench coat, cheeks red from the cold, Hyunjin stood at the bottom of your staircase.

nothing n i repeat NOTHING couldve prepared me for this. i did not expect it at all, everything was so fast i was ready to take in a deep calming breath n read along w yns quick decision to go back but now theres....... hyun. hyun is here n i cant wait to know the reason, what hell say or do, how yn feels n how it plays out.. im so nervous n once again looking forward to the next chapter >.<

u once again worded everything so beautifully n im sorry its getting repetitive by now but i love ur writing n the depth to it. i hold it dear to me, this story. thanku so much for writing it w so much love, jade<3

-🤍

idk how i missed answering this !! this is so sweet, i cherished reading every line and i absolutely LOVE when you annotate, it makes me feel appreciated and fuzzy and warm inside. thank you for pointing out your favorite parts 🥺

im glad you thought hyun’s text was hot, the desperation is really there haha. and thank you for appreciating all the little flower metaphors i sprinkled in there ! i loved reading this. thank you for loving this story so much, you make me happy.

[nkikio]

Just something I made at midnight :D

I put my stuff down, and head towards the gym. I saw Maya talking to someone, but she quickly went to choir. I'm in the gym for a couple minutes, then Amanda walks in. "Amanda :D" "hi :D". I then tell her that Zack said "me gusta comer Gato" in spanish. She was indeed surprised.

She then had to leave for gym a, where Ms.madden's class is almost always hidden. I had to go on the bleachers in gym c, as always. Feldkamp took attendance and said we were going to play basketball But of course, with Mr tretter's class. Ms madden's class was playing whamyball. He said we needed teams of 3, so when I saw Cassie and Emily, I decided to join their team. Our team had to play in gym c, bc gym b was for basketball players, I think. So I wasn't able to see anyone in gym a. But, during the whole entire class, I could hear Bennett literally screaming "YEAAAAA" (It happens a lot). Or at least I think it's him.. who else would it be?

The first round we had to play linnea, Kaleigh, and zahra. We weren't even properly playing, we were just taking turns shooting hoops. I was so tired, I could not stop daydreaming. The whole time. Literally no point during basketball where I was not daydreaming. Now that I think abt it, it would've been so much more embarrassing if Ms madden's class had to do basketball, bc.. there are some really good basketball players in that class..

The second round we played Forest, and 2 other guys I don't remember the names of. One kinda looked like evan. Forest seemed to be trying to teach Emily abt basketball.. bc he was explaining something abt a checkup with the ball? I don't even know how I remember stuff they said while being so tired.

During the first 2 rounds of 10 minute games, Cassie would wake me up by passing me the ball like 1 time per game, which I was fine with. At least it wasn't a million times.

For the 3rd and final round, we had to play against Sophie and her friends, including Natalie and Camryn. But the thing was, they were not playing and just sitting on the bleachers for the whole class. So of course, we couldn't play them. None of us three wanted to ask them to play since we know how that would go, so we just sat on the bleachers. I day dreamed a bit, watched Gavin's game, and looked at the timer thing on the wall. But while watching Gavin's game, I had realized something.

One of the many guys I didnt know the name of, someone on the team said his name. I always called this person James since they kinda look like james. It turns out their name was actually lucas. This made me scan him for a bit. Was this the Lucas that rizzed the statue? I saw signs. The face, the hat, the hair..

It was indeed the Lucas who rizzed the statue. This surprised me bc I thought I hadn't seen Lucas since 7th grade. Ig I was wrong. He wasnt a short king.

Cassie and Emily had some interesting conversations while I watched the game, but we'll talk abt those later. The timer finally ended, and both 2 classes went to the locker rooms. I waited outside the gym doors for Amanda, but realized madden's class was still playing. So I went back to the locker room.

I grab my stuff, and I'm abt to leave the locker room when suddenly, I see Lyla running into the locker room, being chased by amanda. I asked Amanda what happened. She said she was walking, and just started sprinting. She says it's funny, do that's why she did it. We then started talking about characters with a few others, while Lyla hid from amanda at the stalls. We then start walking out as I tell Lyla she can come out of her hiding spot. She didnt. Then Amanda said "cya loser!".

this is a pretty random story, but thx for reading :)

[lolexjpg]

dts s3 e9-10

e9: -bahrain is such a beautiful track btw i love her -damn they just jump straight into it boom explosion -before logan was the sad wet lil meow meow......2020 alex was the ORIGINAL -the way reporters are asking abt checo->red bull before he even won that race, makes me curious how much he was seriously in the conversation for the seat beforehand. anyone who was on tumblr at the time i'd love to hear what the gossip mills were like at the time 👀 -dany's "please tell me he's okay" always GETS me bc i know dany's the car he crashed with and it was 100% a racing incident but i cannot imagine the guilt he was feeling in the moment. i'm so fond of him he definitely deserved better by the red bull machine -gunther talking about how fire is the worst thing you can have in a crash--and thinking about how guanyu said his biggest fear in his silverstone crash was the car catching fire. we're really lucky that his car didnt honestly -the music design on this in INCREDIBLE like they really did an INSANE job here. cacos "thats an act of god" always gets me. really summarizes how improbably lucky he was to survive that. i'm so glad he did -gunther sucks but the way he insists he has to meet the rescue guys to thank them personally 😭😭 -ALBODIUM MY BELOVED (when will she return) -i didnt write anything down for the grosjean post crash self reflection bit. i just wanted to sit and experience it and not think :) -one can say this sakhir crash was the original checo third wheeling lestappen -when ppl ask how to get into f1, i always bring up the inside story series on youtube, and TOP of recommendations is the inside story on this race! it is truly insane what he did here, cant wait to see this race in full -i just think it wouldve been SO iconic if george had won this race. first ever mercedes race win before he even got a mercedes seat? wouldive been ICONIC. ppl talk abt the domino affect of alex's appendicitis but if mercedes didnt fuck up BOTH their drivers pit stops, checo wouldn't have won (probably), would he have been signed then? new butterfly affect to discuss -I THINK. i know the idea of checo leaving the sport soon is being discussed a lot, and even in this episode he discusses that if its the end for him he is proud of what hes accomplished and thankful for as long as he had to drive in f1. his red bull seat really was a lifeline, a second chance, and he has added to his legacy significantly with red bull. if he loses his seat on 2024, no matter what mean things i've said about him in the heat of the moment, he has a LOT to be proud of. if its his time to go, its his time to go

ep 10: -i think AD is a BANGER of a race track. i'm glad its the finale race -ok so lets see daniel gives renault their first podium in 9 years......then gives mclaren their first win in forever as well.....hmmmm.....washed up who? -cyril getting a tattoo youtube video is So Important 2 ME. cyril calling his wife to tell her the details while daniel dies silent laughing is the instant seratonin boost for me -every time zak & lando have a lil clearly staged chat it has the most sugar baby energy ever why do they do this -lando says so many nice things abt daniel here yet the dando antis choose to ignore them and insist lando does nothing but distrespect him 😡 anti-lando daniel girlies r my least favorite -NOT DANIEL HITTING THE BEAM ABOVE HIM IN THE GARAGE TOO the dando agenda continues -damn i hope they give this much dts attention to the battle for 7th last year too -lawrence rly hired seb to mentor his son huh -aston martin colors Do Fuck we all must admit -frothing at the mouth over the 4433 moment here. its mental illness innit -i've always felt. like the lewis racism segment was a bit shoehorned in here. like they went oh fuck we need to include this somewhere lets just slap it on the end of the episode. i think it would've been so much better and more impactful in a fully lewis focused episode. but ya kno? i'd rather they do it this way than not at all, so i suppose i shouldn't complain too much

[skiniibuniii]

also, even though the thing giving me the worst dysphoria rn is in my pants i feel like i should have top surgery first. cuz just thinking abt having boob (and i have big boob) and a willy just feels horrible i really do not want to do that istg ill end up cutting my tits off myself.

basically what im saying is the dysphoria would be even worse if i had boobs and a willy so i think i should get my boobs off first.

doesnt really matter either way rn cuz i have tp be 18 to have surgery. and i really should go on T first. i really want to im just waiting til this appointment so i can convince my mother to sign off on it. i had a conversation with her and told her ya know like its kinda life or death at this point and she said if its that important to me shed sign off on it. and i told her there as several things about it that are reversible if i decided to stop taking it and that made her feel better. i already like, shave my legs to get darker hair n all that and thats not reversible. i guess itd suck to have to shave my face all the time if i suddenly decided that im not trans, i have the genetics to grow facial hair my dad had quite a beard in all the photos ive seen of him, but like,, ive been feeling like this my whole life.

im so worried that im not really trans just minorly (majorly) crazy. like im not in the right headspace to make these decisions. but i dont think id regret it.

i remember being in first grade i had a guy friend in my class and i remember asking him what it felt like to be a guy. and when i had an online sex buddy when i was 12 (yes disgusting but he was 13 i wasnt being groomed anymore at this point) i asked him a few times what it was like and i admitted to him and i wished i had a dick too. and thats just what i talked about with people. i wasnt really ever much of a tomboy but i always hated girl clothes cause i thought i looked better in boy clothes (no dresses, unisex cuts, etc).

my mom says that she was a tomboy and that ill probably grow out of it. though she was grown out of it by my age, by 15 really. she was a bit of a hoe by then and doing heroin and partying and shit going out in just slips and showing off her tits like it was nothing. then she was pregnant with my sister by my age lol but she only wanted to play with the boys and she didnt like dolls as a kid. but i wasnt like that. im still not like that i mean i enjoy things that are traditionally more feminine but im still trans.

i guess then its partially my mother talking to me like this that makes me question myself. but i dont think im wrong, if im thinking rationally. ive been like this my whole life. as a kid i thought it was normal to wish i was a boy and hate myself for not being one. and now i just know that its not normal and i can do something about it so i can feel normal.

[animated-bone-noises]

i’ve had such a weird fuckin morning. okay so for context my Great Grandmother who imma call my Gran is 107 years old and has been in and out of hospital/sick every now and again whenever like an important date has come up that she wants to die on happens (like to the point the family places bets when she gets sick abt weather or not she’s actually gonna die this time) and it happened again recently when the anniversary of my great uncles death was coming up and so she’s in hospital rn as i type and i had a weird fuckin thing happen to me this morning so imma talk abt that. 

okay so i woke up very suddenly and checked the time it was 9:48 and at first i was like “why tf am i awake i usually don’t wake up till like 11 on my break” and then i heard my dad moving around and i put 2 and 2 together and curled back up in bed. but Then i had a crystal clear thought which was: “oh, great gran is gonna die today.” and Then while one part of my brain was looking at the rest going WTF? the rest of my brain was trying to figure out what i could wear to the funeral, an i was thinking abt that for a while before i kinda slipped back into sleep and i was woken up by the sound of my Grandad (great grans son and my dads dad) calling over to the house. so i listened in on the conversation between him and my dad from my blanket burrito as they sat downstairs and they were talking abt my Gran and how she had caught a chest infection but otherwise she was kinda fine and they talked on abt her for a while going through their usual rigmarole of “she’ll probably be fine the same as every other time we’ve gone through this” Until my Grandad got a call from a nurse saying they were taking my Gran off the drip and all the other things they had her hooked up too but not because she had improved and could go home they have just decided to stop intervening (she didnt say the part abt them stopping intervening but we all now pretty much suspect that she’s just dying and they feel that if they keep giving her help to stay alive she’ll just suffer longer than she needs to).... so like... imma update later if she dies or not... but yeah it was and still is fuckin weird.

EDIT: she died, she died a while after i made the og post at around 6 in the evening, and i’m just back from the hospital... i didn’t think she would, i didn’t think i was gonna be right i thought this would just end up some silly text post and nothing would come of it but she actually died.

[ofsunhillow]

each week we have an obligatory class in school thats supposed to teach you about your feelings and guide you to being a healthy teenager or whatever but i think its actually counterproductive. no i dont THINK it is it literally is counterproductive

[floralbfs]

YALL I THINK I HAVE MADE FRIENDS IN CLASS

[calamarispider]

actually thinkimg on that my mom makes me. rlly upset sometimes hdbdgv

[caspersscareschool]

oh i forgot to say this to u thousand something strangers yesterday when it happened but idk how to feel about my mom. dont reblog this

[jjkyaoi]

hey so, i figured since i don’t ever stop thinking about tommy and wilbur, i’d just make a list of the things i think about,,, regarding they. them. so, here it is,,, take my brainrot and take it fucking gratefully

- how they constantly seem to get into some fucking mischief together, how wilbur always seems to turn into a 5 year old whenever tommy is around and just indulges his chaos and basically pushes him to just fuck w/ people.

- how they simultaneously think each other are the funniest people they’ve ever met, but also make a point of complaining about each other in a way that’s so obviously fond.

- how wilbur doesn’t let people ever forget that tommy is the funniest person. how wilbur doesn’t ever let people forget about tommy, ever. about how wilbur is constantly going ‘tommy, tommy, tommy’ always constantly bringing him into the conversation or wanting his attention - how, whenever they’re on opposite teams for mcc and when they get into a call w/ each other at the very end wilbur immediately starts talking about how well he’d done (if he’d won) in a way that’s like ‘did you see me??? did you see how cool i was??? please tell me you noticed how cool i was--’

- how tommy constantly takes wilbur’s advice, not even questioning it. man tells him to do something, he does it. man gives him advice on fixing his content? he takes it. man tells him to sit up straighter? he does it. man tells him to talk to him off stream? he does it. tommy literally doesn’t question these things. wilbur could tell him to jump off a fucking cliff and he’d do it w/o hesitation. it’s the admiration

- how wilbur always gets this Disappointed Parent(TM) tone whenever he’s talking seriously to tommy, and i don’t even think the mf realizes it??? man goes ‘tommy’. in that way that practically screams ‘i’m not mad, just disappointed’ and i don’t ?? and they’re ?? them?

- addition; how tommy gets really whiney-voiced whenever wilbur’s scolding him, how he always goes ‘but WILBUUUR’ in that whiney way, and wilbur just has to quietly go ‘tommy’. and he just fucking gives up arguing,, but still whines abt it

- they have a fucking code word??? they have a cord word for uncomfortable situations??? THEY HAVE A FUCKING CODE WORD

- how lowkey jealous wilbur got when tommy insinuated that he thinks of quackity as his brother--

- how dsmp!wilbur literally paused when dsmp!quackity insinuated that tommy might be the traitor. how c!wilbur literally paused for like a good second and was speechless, how he literally turned around and went, ‘no,, it can’t be tommy’ how he was so stubborn and in disbelief and the way he went ‘it can’t be tommy, because...’ and then DIDNT FUCKING FINISH HIS SENTENCE 

- c!tommy turning to c!wilbur and going, “do i shoot him or do i am for the skies?” before his duel w/ dream,,,, how much blatant trust their characters have in each other. the way the storyline always ties back to them and how no matter what, they’re always together because that’s the president and his fucking right hand man 

- when they were getting exiled from l’manberg by schlatt, how c!wilbur wasn’t the least bit concerned for his own safety; how he was more so concerned for c!tommy’s safety, how he kept going ‘tommy, run’, how he was still worried about tommy and only tommy even after he got shot and was on fucking fire?

- the entire clip of wilbur reacting to tommy singing ‘internet ruined me’? the genuine ‘he’s like a little brother to me?’ the way he looked so fond and soft and the way he couldn’t stop,,, smiling

[jiilys]

would u help me out for a second. im in the mood to write for the first time, and i think your style is beautiful. sitting down n actually trying though, im stuck as fuck! i’m realizing that in your dialogue/scenes you’ve got a lot of Little Things. little tiny elements that are subtle & just enough. how are you deciding that lily is building a house of cards at the moment or sirius is sitting in a tree or whatever during a given scene? how do you come up with those ideas for dialogue that are so silly & real & sneakily tender? do you know where it’s going when you begin? any advice for just… starting something?

ps: i appreciate you. you make it look easy & that’s very very cool

This is a lovely question!! Sorry it took me so long to get to it, I didn’t want to get it wrong. Also I’ve included some examples to try and explain what I mean in practise, but it also comes off rather like plugging. tragically this is unavoidable. Anyway, all that being said I have no idea how to advise you about dialogue and coming up with it, I think just listening to people talk helps. Don’t forget contractions, and when in doubt always trust the reader to keep up, real people don’t say perfect or even grammatically correct sentences a lot of the time. We also cut each other off all the time, especially when we’re trying to be funny. Like, here’s an example from warm front:

“He’s not even two. He probably would have thought it was, like, having a lie down or something.”

Harry was laughing now, “A lie down?”

“Yeah, a spontaneous, truck-induced–“

“–Permanent–“ “

–Permanent, lie-down. I’m almost jealous now actually.”

Another thing, but people say um and like or can't speak or cut themselves off, especially when they’re nervous. James when Lily says she loves him for the first time: ‘“Wow,” He breathed, “I’m– wow.” He put both hands on her cheeks and kissed her crazy, abruptly, dumbly. Her head spun.’ He can’t even speak! Dumb boy.

I think natural dialogue sometimes just requires you to read it aloud, which is very embarrassing but ultimately quite useful in trying to figure out whether something sounds normal or not. Use casual words, and try not to go dictionary hunting: if you cant think of the word chances are your character can’t either

In terms of concepts I have no idea, but I do have a few tips. I write all my short one-shots in one document (its called ‘just bad’ lmao) so its easy to start something, write a few lines, and then if it doesnt work just start a new concept, but still have all the old stuff handy. if you feel like you’ve written yourself into a corner its probably because you took a wrong turn earlier, so its just a matter of going back up and figuring out where you turned onto the dead end, or where a line could be funnier and/or sadder and/or more meaningful. Sometimes the bare bones of a decent line is there but you have to work it a little.

In this harry/ginny thing where harry is apologising for all the attention and ginny brushes him off she says:

“It’s nothing,” her voice, all force, “Anyway, it’s more funny than annoying.”

The response went through a few drafts, all variations on the same thing:

(1) “You’re funnier.” [too short, doesn’t make sense, and not really that funny. unholy trinity]

(2) “You make it funny.” Harry said, looking at her for real, “It’s not– you make it like that.” [this could work! I have no idea why I cut this, I think I forgot abt it lmao]

(3) “You’re the funniest person I know, Harry said, sincerely, and Ginny felt her heartbeat all through her, “You make it funny.” [jumping from ‘its more funny than annoying’ to getting this sincere out of nowhere is a little much, even for harry who is famously whipped]

I ended up going with this:

“It’s nothing,” her voice, all force, “Anyway, it’s more funny than annoying.”

“You’re funny.” Harry said, looking at her for real, flustered, “I mean– you make it funny. That’s all you.”

It follows the flow of the conversation and I think the way he says it, ‘you’re funny’ like its obvious, and then being like oh fuck and over-explaining it stumbling a little “I mean– you make it funny. That’s all you.”. You know when you like someone and you say something that gives you away before you can stop yourself? I wanted it to sound like that. Just gotta keep in mind how people behave, we are so stupid a lot of the time, we give ourselves away.

The thing about short stuff i find is implying a lot of history without actually describing a lot of it. I normally do this by having memories come up as almost shards, one second of feeling. You know when you’re in a conversation with someone and they mention someone or a past event, and it rises to the top of your brain, but only for a second? i find sometimes when you’re reading stuff people will try and replay entire memories or events mid-conversation, which is not something you do when you think. You don’t need to replay it beat by beat, you were there! This sounds vague as hell so I’ll try and show you what I mean:

From good crimes: “Petunia is engaged.” Lily’s voice, raw and wrong, “To Vernon. Eliza Hunt told me at the supermarket.” Sudden flashes of Petunia, the only time he’d ever met her, sat in the back of Lily’s twenty-first, pinched and whispering. “Whose Eliza Hunt?” This seems as good a thing to say as any.

pretty on the nose (the phrase ‘sudden flashes’ is pretty so i'll allow it from past me). But see how you don’t need to know how Petunia didnt talk to anyone, how she left early, how she was the odd one out: you don’t need to read all that, you already know because she was sat in the back and because pinched is such a mean verb, spiteful and sharp, you can already imagine how the evening went without me saying so

From my proposal take, after Sirius finds out they’re engaged: Sirius’ grip on his shoulder tightened for one second, still grinning, and James knew what he meant. “I know.” He said, because only Sirius had been there for all of it, when they were fifteen, drunk on Firewhiskey for the first time and James had said I think I’ve fucked it, I think I’ve fucked it but I like her for real.

you don’t need a description of the whole night, what party they were at, who they were with, what they were talking about: the important bit is that Sirius was the first person he told, and that they’re both remembering that at the same moment because they’re soulmates lmao. You know when something big happens for a friend and you feel so full of pride & love that you feel like you’ll burst into confetti?? this needed to feel like that, and you only need a flash for it

I feel like I’ve sort of strayed off from what you asked me, which is really advice on how to start something. I normally start with a line, usually of dialogue, and then try and build from there because dialogue is my thing. You might have a different thing! Some people write from concepts or locations, or an image. i might start with one or a few lines of dialogue, write them down, and then try to build from there. For example for the proposal thing I started from james just saying “Marry me”, which I find more romantic than ‘will you marry me’, purely because it sounds like he simply couldn’t stop himself from saying it, like it rushed out. Another example, this thing started from just “don’t be mad at me” “okay” James agreed instantly, because he is such a sucker for her.

When I write I don’t normally know where I’m going! I normally set out to write something I think is vaguely funny and evokes An Emotion, and then I just play around with stuff until I get there. when I write certain stuff and I have scenes in mind, stuff I want to happen, but I find that if I try to plot it to tightly its not exciting to work on, because sometimes you write a good line by accident, that you hadn’t thought of when you sat down, and you surprise yourself. That is a really nice feeling! i want to maximise that feeling.

'What I mostly try to remember is that writing something down, anything down, is useful. Sometimes you write for a whole night and dont get anything useable, but its like clearing pipes. Sometimes you have to flush through shit to get to the good bits. All the rough stuff, the things you don’t like or didn’t work, you wrote to get you to the stuff that did work. All of the bad shit got you here! It wasn’t a waste, you were working to find the good thing

If I had any tips its just the usual stuff, read! It is annoying how much that helps. Also, and I know this may make you shudder, but reading poetry is useful just because in no other literary or media form is language so important. In comics you have pictures, in novels you have plot and character, in film you all that and cinematography, but in poetry you live and die by how good the words are. If you want recs here’s my poem roundup tag, that I do sometimes, or if you want something just now read this by Anne Carson, which uses words like ‘smashing’, ‘boatwash’, and ‘green’ in the best way possible. Also it has these lines: “Recently having learned to recognize the type of tree called sycamore, / I see them in any forest— / the ones that look harrowed, / in shreds, but / go also / straight up into life,”

I mean, think of a sharper image than that?? It’s not possible. Just try remember to stay true to your characters and that in real life, the little stuff is the big stuff. Little things the people around you do normally show they care more than big speeches, and if you want to show love that’s how to make it feel lived in. You want to build a world! the little stuff is usually the world. Take some from your own or dream the ones you wish you had.

This truly was a very kind message and I’m so grateful you like my stuff, I hope any of this was even half-useful, although now reading it back it is borderline nonsensical. I’m going to bed now, good luck with the writing, and don’t forget to send it to me!!

caro xoxo

[actualbird]

0/////0 do u have any spicy marius thoughts? the more luke or luke AND mc involved the better.... the thought of this threesome grabbed me by the balls and simply will not let go. do u see marius actually being interested in luke, or just bitter and in denial abt him being so likeable?

[n/s//f///w text in answer]

hello anon!!! ive actually been thinking about marius/mc/luke ever since i wrote “instructions unclear...” but i have a...very convoluted and long winded vision of how it would actually happen

if u want the gist: marius in love with mc -> marius/luke FWB -> luke/mc -> marius heartbroken over BOTH OF THEM -> communication happens -> marius/mc/luke happy ending

if u want the Full Story and are willing to bear with me for a bit, i imagine it like this:

despite being the youngest of the NXX gang, marius has fucked before. he's fucked a bunch, actually. it's fun and he's good at it so for a while he treats sex like the rest of his hobbies, but the thing is that That's All Sex Is To Him. by the time he's 21, he's got a good number of casual one night stands in his pocket, but deep down, he....kinda wants more than a quick roll around in the sheets. he wants to not have to slip out of their bed before they wake up, he wants to make breakfast for them when they wake up, he wants something more than the song Temporary Bliss by The Cab.

and then he meets mc and for the first time in his life, he's in love.

he's never been in love before so he kinda sucks at expressing sincerity, resorting to making himself look like a massive tool most of the time, but mc, god bless her, still likes him in spite of that. in marius' heart, a deep and fragile yearning he has no idea how to show and, well. marius isnt used to not being good at things. marius doesnt like not being good at things.

enter luke pearce.

to answer your question, anon, i do think marius in this scenario would be interested in him, but for a period of time, that interest is muddled by bitter jealousy. because come on, luke pearce, who is made of fucking sunshine and rainbows and is a super spy and is mc's childhood best friend, like, how the hell is marius supposed to go against that? marius hates luke! he hates him! //insert entirety of "instructions unclear..." to express the point im getting here but moving on from that like

marius does eventually, begrudgingly, come to terms with the fact that he's attracted to luke, but that actually makes his feelings situation worse because he can (at least on a superficial level) see that luke has got even MORE GOING IN HIS FAVOR.

//distressed marius noises

but here comes the kicker. one day, luke approaches marius, and huh, he's nervous, he's fidgeting with his key, he's---

luke: can you have sex me?

marius: WHAT

---HE'S PROPOSITIONING HIM????

luke then goes to explain, quite embarrassed, that he has no sexual experience whatsoever---which comes as a shock to marius, what with how luke looks like how he Looks Like---and that he wants to learn how to do things. luke doesnt have many friends (vyn scares him, artem is a virgin too, and aaron, just, no, oh god, no) and marius asks "okayyyy, why not mc?" and luke blushes and goes "she's...kind of who i want to be good for..."

marius, at this point, is feeling a lot of emotions. on one hand, theres a very very hot man asking for a fuck. on the other, this man wants the said fuck to be better when he gets with the woman marius is in love with. the logical thing to do would be to reject luke, because duh, but marius...marius doesnt like not being good at things. for a while now, he's had to deal with being bad at love, but now, there's an opportunity to show his competition that he's got advantage in this arena?

needless to say, marius says yes. and thus begins marius/luke Friends With Benefits funtime.

marius is very smug, every time he and luke have sex. he cant help that rush of power he feels when he one ups luke, when he takes luke's cock down his throat, when he hears luke's punched out moans. he loves seeing luke out of his element, whining and flushed and destroyed. they have a LOT of sex, in this point of the story, all under the flimsy guise of "teaching luke". marius talks luke through how to kiss, how to touch, how to fuck.

"you need to up your stamina," marius says, getting down on his knees. "lesson for today is don't come for as long as you can, got it, super spy?"

"got i----oh my fucking god, Marius!"

the tables turn eventually though because luke pearce is a fast learner, and soon enough, marius isnt in control all of the time anymore. luke pushes back, luke uses his knowledge of marius' body against him, luke makes marius see fucking stars.

this would have been all well and good, marius is used to casual sex afterall, but luke pearce, as we've established earlier, is nice. he's nice. he doesn't let marius leave his bed in the middle of the night because he's cuddling marius like a squid the entire time. he always makes breakfast for marius before he leaves in the morning because over the course of the FWB thing luke learned marius' tendency to skip meals out of corporate induced stress. luke always holds marius, holds him as if he's something worth more than his dick and what it can do, and marius realizes, day by day, that he has made a terrible mistake.

marius is bad at love. and he just had to go and fall in love with luke pearce too.

//makes vague hand gestures because im starting to run out of steam so i'll speed this bit up. plot happens here where luke and marius stop doing the FWB thing because marius feels the need to distance himself. luke is hurt, but accepts, and then somehow luke gets with mc which causes an Angst Bonanza for marius because he's heartbroken as hell over the BOTH OF THEM. somehow somebody realizes theyve all been idiots and the three of them have a conversation where they actually communicate, and then they all get together and live happily ever after.

and have awesome threesomes, yes, but i didnt realize this answer got this long and now im too tired to describe the threesome kJBKSJBKFGSD

anon, i would like to apologize to you, because you asked some very simple questions and i gave you this trainwreck of an answer that's....holy fuck, 1000+ WORDS LONG?? IM SO SORRY

but also, anon, how dare you for this. now that ive written all of this out, i am possessed by a need to make it a full fic. how could you do this to me.