gloriousbdaniellouquetearthquake

[aurorawritestoescape]

CRAVING YOU

Joel Miller x f!reader || 3,9k

Summary: after a breakup you throw a big Halloween party and look for someone hot to spend the night with, but no one attracts your attention. That is until you see Joel.

Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, fluff, age gap (how big is up to you bb), soft!Joel, soft!dom vibes, sex with a stranger, praise kink, fingering, squirting, unprotected piv (wrap it up), creampie, reader getting emotional, aftercare, talk of past heartbreak, smoking. Pics are only for the mood but reader wears a described slutty costume. Joel can lift reader.

A/n: this is written for @mermaidgirl30 ‘s Halloween writing challenge. Thank you for the fun event, Jamie!🩷 Smooches to @milla-frenchy for beta-ing😘 Dividers by @saradika-graphics 💕 Happy Halloween everyone!🎃🖤

MASTERLIST

“As if!”

You push away another drunk frat boy off yourself and head to the kitchen to get yourself a drink. Yes, you look hot as hell practically naked in your red bra, tiny red skirt and a red latex coat over your naked shoulders but it doesn’t give them the right to get handsy with you. Walking through your parents’ house, dark except for the strobing lights, drowning in loud music, you wonder why you invited all of these assholes but it’s totally on you. You wanted to throw a big Halloween party after breaking up with your long-term boyfriend. Not so ‘long’ anymore. He was the one you planned to marry. To spend all your life with. You were high school sweethearts, went to the same college and suddenly all your plans turned to ashes. You found yourself lost, heartbroken and in need of comfort. Tonight you wanted to be hugged or fucked or both.

But unfortunately nobody has attracted your attention. You’re walking through the buzzing crowd but suddenly you stop in your tracks as soon as you spot him.

He’s standing outside in the empty backyard, illuminated by the string lights and the moon. His back is to the house and the first thing you notice is a tool belt, hanging around his hips. A builder costume? Interesting.

The belt attracts your attention to his gorgeous ass and even from afar you see that it looks delicious in jeans. You bite your lip, imagining your hands on those cheeks.

His back is broad. Strong. A plaid shirt is strained over his muscular shoulders. His dark curls shine with the silver of the moon.

Like a shark finally smelling its prey, you start moving towards him, pushing away everyone in your way. You slide a glass door, releasing the music and the chatter of the party into the yard, and the loud sounds make the man turn. Internally you squeal with excitement when you see his handsome features, partially hidden behind the cigarette smoke. When it dissipates, your breath hitches. His prominent nose is asking to be sat on, his dark eyes are scorching every inch of your exposed skin yet his plush lips curve into a warm smile at the sight of you sauntering towards him.

”Hey,” you purr, waving at the stranger with your fingers. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

You offer him your hand and he blows the smoke to the side, before gently shaking it.

“Sorry, miss. I’m Joel. Joel Miller.”

You tell him your name and notice his eyes linger on your body, barely covered and sparkling with glitter. In your mind you smirk— you’re so fucking him tonight.

“Jus’ havin’ a smoke. I’ll leave soon.”

“No, why, it’s allowed,” you giggle and look him up and down before adding. “I really love your costume, Joel.”

You step up closer to him and slide your index finger along the tool belt, stopping over his big bulge. You both glance down and he smiles,

“ ‘s not a costume, sweetheart. I’m a contractor. The man who owns this house wants to redo some stuff in the backyard. He told me I could come and take the measurements tonight. My crew is starting work tomorrow. Didn’t know there’d be a party.”

He glances at the house and chuckles, seeing someone do a keg stand in the living room.

“Oh.”

You realize why your father had told you to keep the guests out of the backyard. Strangely the fact that he’s a contractor makes the situation even hotter. You give Joel a little smile, batting your eyelashes at him, and whisper, “My mistake.”

“It’s ok. ‘s Halloween after all. What are you?" Joel asks, taking in your 'costume' that barely covers anything. To lure him in further, you push your chest out and your red coat opens up more, showing the man all of your assets. Joel shifts on his feet and you wonder if his jeans are getting too tight.

"I'm a girl who wants to have fun tonight."

You give him a loaded smile and in a second giggle as his eyebrows shoot up.

"I'm the devil, Joel."

You tilt your head down and point at your little red horns.

Joel nods slowly, taking another drag of his cigarette. His gaze sticks to your breasts, your belly, your barely covered thighs.

"Lookin' great, sweetheart. I'm ready to sell my soul."

Melting from the pet name, you tilt your head to the side and ask in a sultry voice, "Oh, really? And what do you want for your soul, Joel?"

The man narrows his eyes at you and his tongue slides over the lower lip as he contemplates his answer for a second.

"Jus' what every man wants, I reckon."

"What's that?"

"A sexy devil ready to grant his every wish."

It seems that you stop breathing and immediately feel yourself getting wet. Your heart is fluttering as he’s flirting with you. Your gazes are dancing over each other’s bodies, hungry and enticing, and he puts out the cigarette and inches closer to you. Your eyes lock, challenging each other to act on your desires.

“Guess you got lucky tonight, Joel” you whisper.

His smile is downright devilish.

“Not yet, sweetheart.”

Your voices are barely audible with the music, blasting inside the house, but you hear each other perfectly well. It feels intimate even with a bunch of people, partying behind the glass doors. There’s no one else in the world, just Joel and you, and the moon, bathing you two in its pearly light. Heat radiating from his big body contrasts with the chilly air, and you shiver.

“Let’s go inside, you’re cold,” he offers, motioning to the house, but you’d hate to be interrupted by anyone.

“There’s a guest house over there — I’ve heard. I doubt you’ve already measured stuff there.”

You bite your lower lip as a fear grips your stomach. What if he says ‘no’? Rejection would cut you like a knife right now. But Joel surprises you.

He lifts his hand to your face and pinches your chin, holding you in place. His tone is serious all of a sudden.

“Are you drunk?”

His piercing eyes are assessing your face for a few seconds and you slowly but surely drown in them.

“No. Only had one drink. I’m fine.”

You look at his lips, your breath frozen, until he replies,

“Actually... You are right. Let’s go take a look at that house.”

Flashing him a mischievous grin, you take his big warm hand and start walking. On your way there your core is tingling with anticipation. You've never done anything like this before. Never been so turned on by someone you’ve just met. But your body burns with the need and you take a leap.

As soon as you step through the door, finally away from the annoying party in the main house, you take your coat off, hop on a desk and playfully beckon Joel with your finger. You feel sexy and ready to have fun.

He looks around the place and then his obsidian eyes focus on you. He prowls closer, taking his tool belt off.

“You can leave it on,” you purr, planting your hands on the surface behind you and arching your back.

He shakes his head. “Don’t wanna hurt you…sharp tools.”

He throws the belt on the floor and steps up between your spread thighs. You throw your legs wider apart and your short skirt rides up, exposing your pussy covered by red panties.

Joel’s eyes land there immediately and he mumbles, “Fuckin’ hell.”

Happy with the effect you have on the man, you lean forward and press a kiss to his scruffy cheek. He drags his nose down to your neck and then whispers into your ear,

“Why are you doin’ this?”

You smile at the question. “Because I’m horny. And you’re hot.”

“Hmm, let me ask again. Why— are you doin’ this? Don’t lie now.”

You pull away and glare at him, your brows furrowed. His eyes are set on your face, his expression serious, waiting, and you snap, not hiding your rising frustration.

“Can’t a girl just wanna get fucked?”

His hands run over your naked thighs, and then he brings them to your shoulders. Joel glides his thumbs over your skin there, while his warm eyes are darting between yours.

“Yes, baby, but usually there’s a deeper reason.”

A few seconds pass and his soft gaze breaks your walls, emotions stir in your chest, and you feel your throat tighten and drop your head, averting your eyes from the man.

“My boyfriend… he cheated on me.”

A few moments pass before Joel gruffs,

“The fuck’s his problem? Is he insane?”

You smile and Joel sighs before leaning down to kiss your cheek.

“Soft then,” he mumbles against your sensitive skin, sending vibrations through your trembling body.

“What?” you ask as your soft lips are grazing his beard. Joel presses kisses to your face, slowly moving to your mouth.

“I needed to ask— to know how to fuck you, baby.”

Your lips finally meet and he kisses you as his hands wrap around your body.

The kiss makes your head spin. He smells like a cheap deodorant and something so manly, your core floods with sticky lust. His scent intoxicates you. It’s completely different from your ex’s and it makes you throb. Your core, burning with desire, demands him inside you and the ache between your legs sends your hands to his belt. Your body is pleading, ‘Give me— please—need you’.

Joel gently bites your lower lip, slightly pulling away, and you murmur,

“Fuck me.”

He searches for your eyes and takes your impatient hands in his.

“No.”

You open your mouth to protest but he continues,

“I wanna make you feel good first. Can I?”

You nod and then softly gasp as Joel cups your pussy over your panties and his thumb slides up and down caressing your clit under the thin fabric.

”Have you let anyone touch you after… him?”

You shake your head, your lips parted, your nails digging into his shoulders, as you’re watching him take you apart even with a barrier of the material. It’s unbelievable that a fire is already smoldering deep inside you. You struggle to remember the last time your ex turned you on so hard and so fast.

“Am I your rebound then?” Joel asks and your eyes snap up to his. Your stomach drops in fear of him getting offended. But you see his plush lips curve into a smile as he reassures you,

“It’s fine, sweetheart. I don’t mind. I’d be a fool. Look at you.”

His hungry gaze slides down your face, your neck, your chest until it lands on his own hand still pressed to your pussy. Then his thumb snakes under the gusset of your panties and a lightning bolt shoots through your body when his finger finds and starts swirling your slippery clit.

A pathetic whine leaves your parted lips and he pulls you closer to him with his free hand on your lower back.

”Oh my god,” you moan and he takes a deep breath, his cheek pressed to yours. His lips tickle your skin, your whole body burning up under his caress, as he whispers into your ear,

“Do you feel it— how wet you’re?”

His finger is gliding easily over your puffy clit with all the slick lubing his and your skin, and you mewl a soft ���yeah’.

“Such a good girl for me. But anyone can make a girl come like this—,”

“My ex rarely could,” you blurt out with a hazy smile.

Joel chuckles and his beard lightly rubs your cheek.

“Damn. What an ass.”

You’re so lost in pleasure that you just hum, breathing in his scent.

“Baby, can I put my fingers inside you? Wanna make you feel real good.”

You think, if you’re even capable of thinking right now, that you’d let him do anything to you. Of course you agree, surrendering your body to the man you see for the first time in your life, spreading your thighs a little wider as a silent invitation.

“Thank you, my sexy devil,” Joel growls and his mouth crushes against yours before his middle finger pushes into your sopping hole.

The noise you make doesn’t sound devilish. It’s a soft whimper that he swallows, not parting from your lips even for a second, even to watch his ring finger quickly join the first one. He’s kissing you feverishly, licking into your mouth, while his thick digits plunge in and out your squelching pussy with a steady rhythm. You tilt your hips up to grant him better access and he dives in deeper, claiming the furthest parts of your core.

Joel breaks the kiss and presses his sweaty forehead to yours.

“Listen to yourself— moaning on my fingers like this— imagine what I can do with my cock.”

“Joel, please,” you beg not sure why- to make him stop talking or asking him to continue. He knows the answer even better than you.

“You’ll be screaming my name soon, little devil. Give me a chance and you’ll be screaming it every day.”

He drops his gaze and you follow.

A lustful moan falls from your lips when you see his manly fingers move in and out your glistening entrance, your panties and his digits are coated in your shiny slick. The sight adds pleasure to your already ecstatic sensations.

“It’s like my fingers belong in your pussy, sweetheart.”

He almost pulls them out but then hooks them inside you and his pads start rubbing a spot that makes your core vibrate and eyes roll back.

“Yeah—oh, yeahhhh—“, you moan, digging your nails into his shoulders mercilessly as you feel your climax approaching fast.

“Fuck! you’ll make me bust into my jeans soundin’ like this —lookin’ like this.”

Joel is massaging your soft spot for a few moments and suddenly you feel tickling pressure rise under his touch and a panic grips your heart.

“Oh no, Joel—wait—,” you mumble but in a second you feel warm wetness rush out of you as Joel keeps fingering you, lewd noises filling the room, and your thighs, the desk, Joel’s jeans get splayed with your clear juices.

“Yes! fuck, yes! Give it to me, baby!”

With the added wetness you come hard, shaking on the slippery desk, and Joel holds you with a free hand, pressing his body closer to yours, while your whole world squeezes into the size of this room, where the man you’ve just met is making you see the brightest stars behind your eyelids.

As soon as your body stops trembling, you fall into his embrace and Joel holds you against his chest, letting you catch your breath. His arms, secure and strong around you, send waves of comfort to your heart and suddenly you feel wetness not only between your naked thighs but also in your eyes.

You sit up on the desk, your eyes glistening, your hands gripping his shirt, and give him a warm smile, full of affection and gratitude.

Joel chuckles and kisses your cheek,

“Have you never squirted before? You looked so terrified, little thing.”

You shake your head and drop it, hiding your eyes but also assessing the damage. The desk is a mess.

Joel notices your unease and takes your chin between his fingers.

“I’ll deal with it. Don’t worry.” Then he lifts your face to his and winks, “I’m honored to be the first.”

You’re trying to keep yourself from melting under his dark brown eyes but it’s hard. Your whole body is longing for him, his touch, his lips. Joel’s gorgeous and he’s just given you the best orgasm of your life. What chances have you got?

So you give in to your heart‘s and pussy’s desire.

“I want you, Joel. Want you to fuck me.”

Joel runs his hands over your whole body with a smile before saying,

“I’d love to fuck you, baby. But tonight I think you need me to make love to you. Let me do that.”

You feel warmth stir deep in your belly before replying with a quiet but confident ‘yes’ and in the next second Joel wraps your legs around his waist and lifts you off the desk.

“There must be a bed here,” he mumbles, carrying you to another room and you hum into the crease of his neck. You know there’s one.

The bed is soft and warm under you in comparison with the desk but you don’t think about it. Your whole being is focused on the man discarding his clothes in front of you. You can’t help but moan when he takes his boxers off and climbs on the bed completely naked. His body is strong, the broad chest and shoulders make your hands itch to touch and squeeze them, your lips desire to trace his happy trail down and to kiss his big hard cock, standing proudly. He’s perfect.

“Your turn baby,” he motions to your ‘costume’, and when you sit up he stops you.

“Let me. Please.”

You gladly give him full control and your body vibrates under his fingers when he slowly and gently undresses you.

Both naked except for the horns on your head, you immediately gravitate to each other and the sensation of his hot skin against yours sends shivers through your body.

“Cold, sweetheart? I’ll warm you up.“

Joel kisses you again and pushes you to lie down before getting between your thighs and covering your body with his. His leaking cock smears precum over your belly and you impatiently start rubbing your folds against his shaft, chasing any pressure you can get.

“My devil’s needy, huh? Pretty girl wants my cock?”

“Yes, please,” you whine and Joel locks eyes with you.

“Wait a second—“ he mumbles, about to leave you, but you wrap your arms around him.

“No, I need to feel you. Fully. No condoms.”

Joel presses his forehead to yours.

“You sure? I promise I’m clean but —.”

“Me too. I’ve had sex only with my ex. Ever.”

He looks into your eyes and you don’t see pity there, only care, respect.

“If you’re sure, baby—.”

He kisses you again and you feel his hand slither between your bodies as he grabs his cock and pushes the tip past your folds. The fat head nudges your soft hole and you gasp when he begins pushing his length in, inch by inch, careful not to hurt you.

“Fuckin’—sorry, hnggg—that’s it, little devil. Taking me so good.”

And you are taking him easily, despite his size. You’ve been opened up by his thick fingers, your recent orgasm, and you happily welcome him into your warmth and wetness.

When Joel bottoms out, he growls and you wrap your arms and legs around him tightly. With your lips caressing each other, he begins rocking his hips against you, sending his cock deeper and deeper, until it hits your cervix and you bite his lip.

Joel smirks, “Naughty devil. You feel too fuckin’ good to be real.”

You smile, your eyes hazy as they roll behind your head, when Joel changes an angle and begins rutting into you, stroking the right spot over and over.

You moan loudly and he swallows your noises with another kiss. You’re clawing at his arms and back, making him groan, spreading your thighs wider for him to take everything from you, to give him yourself completely. Your puffy clit grinds against his pelvic bone and another orgasm crests in your core.

With every thrust the head of his cock deliciously massages you from the inside and he picks up the pace sending you higher until another climax blooms behind your clit and explodes in the deepest part of your core and you come apart from both stimulations.

You scream his name just like Joel predicted and he doesn’t shut you with a kiss this time. His eyes are on you, drinking your pleasure.

“Yeah, good girl. Take it, baby— fuck! your pussy —choking me —ahhhh…”

He moans and you feel warmth spread inside you when he starts squirting his seed against your pulsating walls. You wrap your legs around him tighter to keep him in, take all of it gratefully. Your pussy is fluttering around his throbbing cock and you keep whimpering while his hips thrust in, sending his load deeper.

After Joel fills you up, he stills inside you and searches for your eyes. Through heavy breaths he asks you, brows knitted together, voice worried,

“What is it? Did I hurt you? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

When he cups your cheek, you realize that you’re crying, tears streaming down your face to your temples, your chest shaking with quiet sobs.

“No, I’m not hurt— I don’t know— I don’t know—,” you shake your head, mumbling, confused by your own reaction but he doesn’t push further.

Joel gently pulls out, lies down next to you and takes you in his arms. His body presses to yours as he covers you both with the bedspread. He leans closer and kisses your forehead, your cheeks and you slowly calm down, comforted by your lover.

“I don’t usually cry after sex. I’m sorry,” you whisper after a few minutes, still sniffing from time to time, and he glides his warm hands over your back.

“‘s ok, baby. Is it me?”

“No! Well, kinda—yes. Because it was amazing. I’ve never felt so good before.”

You feel Joel’s smile against your forehead, and you lift your face to his and whisper,

“Thank you.“

“My pleasure.”

With a twinkle in his eye, he presses his lips to yours and softly kisses you, hesitant to push too soon, too hard. But you know what you want so you deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue between his lips and soon you’re making out as your pussy clenches around nothing. Your inner thighs are wet and sticky but you don’t care.

When Joel breaks the kiss, he locks eyes with you.

“I doubt you’re the devil, baby.”

“Oh?” You sound a little offended.

“Yeah. I think you’re the most beautiful angel. Too perfect for any asshole on this planet.”

Your lips curve into a smile as you purr,

“You don’t seem like an asshole.”

“Thank you,” he smiles back.

He pulls you in closer again and you two rest together, relishing the new-found intimacy. Joel is the first to break the silence.

”Did he ever apologize?”

The question rings loudly in the quiet room. An hour ago it would make you upset, as a reminder of the biggest heartbreak of your life. Now it barely grazes your soul.

”No.”

Joel hugs you tighter and murmurs,

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

You take a deep breath, filling your lungs with the scent of Joel’s skin. Breathing out the pain of the previous relationship.

You’re lying in each other’s arms for a few more minutes until Joel searches for your eyes.

“We can’t let this night be the only one. What do you say, baby? Can I see you again?”

Your heart sings but then drops into your stomach. You have to tell him. After clearing your throat, you admit,

”This client of yours. It’s my dad. I live here—,” You see Joel’s eyebrows rise up and quickly add, “I can stop by the backyard tomorrow? If you’d like.”

Regret is clawing at your chest. Why haven’t you said anything sooner? He probably hates you now. But Joel smirks, lifting weight off your soul.

“You’re full of surprises, sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Naughty devil.”

With that he pushes you down and kisses your smiling lips.

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!<3

MASTERLIST

Tag list:@milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover @schnarfer @mermaidgirl30 @staywildflowahchild @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @evolnoomym @keylimebeag @joelmillerisapunk @pascaltesfaye @fruityreads @itwasntimethatdidit40

[clitorphosis]

PINK CELLPHONE

Incel Leon S. Kennedy x OnlyFans reader | 18+ MDNI. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, INCEST, smut, female reader, reader is a little bit mean, creampie, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, teasing, Leon is submissive, nipple play, tits sucking.

notes: uhm, i didnt proofread this so... i want to remind you that english isnt my first language :3 also i imagined re2 og Leon, but whatever! also reblogs and any kind of feedback is really appreciated

tags: @withonly-sweetheart

There was something fundamentally wrong with Leon in female’s gaze.

Maybe he is unlucky or those girls are blind. Really hoping it is the latter, cause it is not flattering when guys with migrated hairline can get cute girls, while he can’t. And 4chan doesn’t help either, those advices aren’t useful when he can’t even talk to a real girl.

Yes, they are blind. He is going to set on that.

So after many years of solitude, his only company has become the blue gleam which most night was the only source of light in the room, while air was full with low noises coming from the old, poor laptop. Trying to survive after years of not being turned off correctly. Multiple tabs on his laptop’s screen, he doesn’t bother to close them anymore, hoarding them like some kind of treasure - Leon doesn’t give a shit anymore.

This century is perfect for a man like Leon, internet may be the second Library of Alexandria. A real paradise, so much colorful and vibrant sites with cute girls showing their bodies if he pays for that content.

Thank god Onlyfans exists. And he is a nice guy, supporting cute and sexy girls.

Paying for limited content can be considered as supporting women, right? Even if he was motivated due to his selfish reasons - to get attention and limited content. Something special for him. It was embarrassing how long he could browse a fair share of accounts and get or even interact with some girls without being rejected and they would not know him. There are a lot of them, all cute and nice, and they acted even better when he tipped them, so they would interact more with him, calling him a ‘pretty boy’. At least it made him feel special for a while. Still, not his fault that their, too perfect, videos or photos led him to lose his interest - their content felt lifeless, without passion or love put in it. Boring. It has become a routine already, finding an account - jerking off until he loses his interest and the cycle returns to browsing the site for someone new to obsess over.

Your account was like a treasure when he found it. Leon got attracted to it like a magnet, comparable to find a needle in the haystack. Sweet thing, really sweet, if he was ever to interact with you he wouldn’t be able to hide his grimace. But that was attracting, he doesn’t know how much money he has spent on your content. Your face was always hidden or cut out by the position of your camera, but there was no need to see your face when people paid to jerk off.

It was nice while it lasted.

Pink cellphone. The little pink cellphone he got his sister, after she nagged him about wanting it, that ended up left alone and not used. You have this pink cellphone, the furniture and a lot of things were identical to his little sister’s room; posters of her favorite bands or that specific blanket she had all her life, but this was quickly brushed off at first, almost all girls like cute stuff and this could be a coincidence. Also that not the first thing a guy notices when he is ready to jerk off. Leon isn’t sure why after seeing that pink cellphone it clicked so quickly, the guilt and shame fill him to the brim, coiling around his neck like a loose invisible tie knot.

This is wrong, wrong like touching his sister’s breast. Your breast. Instead, he was jerking off to your boobs for months. Imagining how they would fill his palms nicely.

The room is the same as before, but now it hits different to be here after discovering what you have been doing here all this time. It has the same smell as always, sweet and too much like you, tightening the invisible knot around his neck. He wants to throw himself out of the window, this is sick and he doesn’t understand why his legs brought him here after work, still wearing his uniform. There are plenty of almost empty and few full bottles of perfume he had bought you during one of shopping trips, while you were nagging him and begging for them. He eyes such little and useless items that in any other situations he wouldn’t notice, avoiding to look at you. His efforts were useless, he is a weak man after all and there is nothing to do other than to stare at your frame; sitting on the bed, confused at his behavior and expecting something - a reason to explain why he is acting like that, staring at you, almost fucking you with his eyes. He doesn’t need Freud to tell him that he wants to fuck his own sister. Were you preparing to do new content for your followers? The thought made his pants tighter, wanting to pull at the fabric to ease it but this would only bring your attention, wouldn’t it? Maybe he wants it.

“You look like shit.”

“Excuse me?” Did he hear that right?

“You look like shit, Leon” you repeat before raising an eyebrow “stop staring, you are going to dig holes into my face. What do you want?”

What a bitch, he would say, but,

“Uhm…” is the only sound he was able to let out, getting closer to your bed and sitting down on the edge. You scoot closer to him as you always do. A sweet habit he always liked, sometimes you even hug him. “Not lady-like, sweetheart. I wanted to talk”

You roll your eyes. “About what?”

“A friend of mine, he sent me a link of a girl, doing porn” his lies flow so fast and easily from his mouth, trying to shift this to someone non existent. “Her face isn’t visible but… her room and she had a pink cellphone, identical to yours… so I was wondering—“

“Maybe you are imagining things. Many girls have similar room to mine” you cut him, your hand lays on his shoulder. Perhaps this is hell, hell would feel like you mock him by pretending that account isn’t you, like those moans he heard weren’t yours while a guy or a dildo was pleasing you, making Leon envious and sour - why not him? The corners of your lips tug up, something good got into your head. “So you are paying for that stuff, huh? Jerking off to a girl similar to your little sister, you are so weird”

“Huh? No, I am not” Yes, he is, that’s actually his favorite hobby.

“Cut the crap, Leon. There is no friend. You probably imagined me, yeah?” He did, he won’t deny this - it would be a lie leading to another rejection, this time by his sister - and he is man, a desperate one. Also poker has never been his strong point nor he can lie well with his hard on. “Nasty, nasty boy”

His blue eyes linger on your mouth as you spoke, watching your tongue rolled sensually and slowly. Your tongue clicks, before applying more pressure on his shoulder with your hand, pushing him down. He is like a rag doll under your touch - his back hits the softness of your bed and now all he can see is your face looking down at Leon before finally sliding on his lap. Your legs straddle his hips, so nicely pressing down on his crotch and making this much harder than it should be. His cock is already painfully hard, straining against the warmth of your pussy which can be felt through thin fabric of your shorts. God bless them. He bucks up his hips, as his hands reach to hold your hips and press them harder against his aching cock while he tries to dryhump you needy - too bad that’s not on your list, slapping away his hands like it is a disturbance which makes him frown.

“Ah-ah, big bro. Don’t touch me” you purr as your head dips lower to press hot heated kiss on the skin of his neck, leaving soft bites and wet trail behind whilst your tongue traces around those bites, like a soothing touch before it starts going up down and up in torturous motions. Until you stop on his Adam’s apple to bite it softly to leave a red spot, your hands dive under his shirt, pushing it up to expose his stomach and making it easier to reach his chest - fingertips brush against his nipples, before rolling and pinch them to force more moans from him. A grown man getting already painfully hot and bothered over little touches and kisses there and then, this causes you to chuckle under your breath - don’t want to hear him complain how you hurt his ego. Man’s ego is more fragile than soap bubbles or the glass, one poke and he would not shut up and fuck your brain instead of your pussy. That won’t do. Your eyes dart up to look into his face - to see that sweet and needy expression, begging more than just teasing caresses from you. Your hips sit so well against his, sometimes creating some friction when one of you move and it feels like he is going to die if his dick won’t be buried in your pussy any time soon.

“I don’t like dirty hands on me” you add eventually with the same purring voice. What can be better than a man being submissive and shattering over nothing?

“Can you just… oh shit!” his sentence gets cut abruptly, when your lips reach to his earlobe, nibbling playfully and it would be really humiliating if he cum here cause of how his ears are sensible. Deep inhale, before speaking again, trying to keep himself at check and not to be so meek while you keep rolling his sensitive nipples in between your fingers. His next words are breathless and voice is shaky, almost at the edge to sound pathetically. Not really manly, but still your clit throbs, only now noticing how your panties are soaked now, uncomfortably clinging to your pussy lips. “…fuck me?”

You stop your assault over the skin of his neck to look down at him better, your hips press against his hard dick forcing a breathless whimper to escape. This little plea, he begs. Your clit throbs again, so uncomfortably wet, you want to dryhump him until he cum in his jeans like a virgin. Instead, he is one. If he was any other men you wouldn’t consider this good enough to comply but the sight in front of you is too much to ignore.

“Fuck.. you?” You echo his words, feigning a confusion, your eyes widen to emphasize the act. A cheap one, cause your hand already tugged down your shorts, leaving you in panties, he has seen them so many time on those videos and photos, his hips buck to press himself to your, still, clothed pussy. His attempt isn’t really successful, your hand unzips his jeans to free his cock. And finally to look at it. “you are so weird… I dunno, to ask that from me, don’t you have any shame in this body of yours, huh?”

“I don’t give a shit, just fuck me” he groans, looking down as you palm his cock, it twitches in your hand, already leaking with pre-cum and you can even notice a little stain on his boxers.

A light urge to roll your eyes arises deep down when you looked down, but it was quickly put down. Rather disappointing as a size, if someone would have asked you, but not everyone can have porno dick or customized one. You can still fuck with that. Leon swallows hard, taking a deep breath in again as he looked at you briefly - your tits are more interesting right now. He hopes you let him to suck on them. His fingers twitch, wanting to reach for your panties and tug to the side, to fuck you, but he is a gentleman. A nice guy.

Your hand pumps his dick, smearing his pre-cum along the flesh before tugging your panties to the side, your glistening pussy is fully exposed to his gaze and Leon almost choked on his saliva when you pressed your slick cunt on his cock. It is a torturous game, feeling you rub slowly along his aching length leading to drip more of pre-cum. You are so wet and warm, your slick coats his dick with every stroke of your pussy against it. This makes his eyes widen briefly at the sensation, he isn’t sure if he would be able to last long inside you. If it ever gets to that, of course.

“Please..?” Leon groans, bucking his hips to get more and press himself tighter for more friction than it is even possible right now. His sounds only encourage you to mess with him.

“What? I don’t understand” you taunt him with a light pout, another long and slow stroke, his cock’s tip was so close to slide into you. “Use your big-big words, Leon”

Your pussy kept grinding, enjoying the way his cock head bumps against your clit and making you wetter, forcing some noises from you too. Your fingers tug on his lower lip playfully - just to tease and annoy him. But he doesn’t let you withdraw your hand by grabbing hold of it. His lips catch your finger, sucking and nipping on it.

“Use me… please” like one of yours sex toys, Leon wanted to add, but, alas his dignity was still in tact, holding barely together by the tiniest thread. And as much as you want him to cum without even a penetration, to embarrass him, your own selfish urge to fuck him is much stronger.

“What a pretty face you have, right, big bro?” Also it is hard to ignore such sight in front of you, with blushed cheeks, his chest raises heavily as he let out breathless groans. “Pretty and pathetic, you would be a perfect sex doll”

Your wet slit kept rubbing, but this time savoring with the last stroke, before finally hovering over his cock - feeling his leaky tip nudging against your slick hole, begging to sink down, before his cock finally slides into you. He watched how your pussy swallowed his cock slowly inch by inch, before Leon thrusts up to meet your downward movement, forcing yours to slam against his, quickly burying himself as deep as he can right now. You moan at the rough motion, now ignoring how his hands reach to grip tightly your waist, not really caring anymore and now nothing stops him by touching you. Your slick inner walls wrap around his cock nicely, tightly clenching and he doesn’t think twice before bucking his hips again as yours started to roll against his - driving him deeper into your soaked hole. His dick hits the g-spot so sweetly, making you gasp and moan with him. His teeth catch the fabric of your shirt, trying to tug it down and expose your boobs to him - and you are nice enough to help him by pulling it aside, a clear permission to bury his face in between them. Sloppily kissing and biting on the flesh of your tits, while you are bouncing on his dick. His lips repeat your name as a prayer, catching a hard nipple into his mouth, his tongue brushes and rolls against the sensitive nub - sucking at it, nibbling messily and leaving wet marks before darting to give attention to another nipple, causing your pussy to flutter around his dick more, tightly engulfing deeper into the slick walls as the wet sounds mix with the skin slapping ones every time your hips meet after every deep and quick stroke that his cock drag against your walls.

“I-I want to fill you with my cum, please”his voice is breathless at the edge of whine even though he tries his best to not appear so desperate, but the plea behind his words is clear. His grip gets tighter, his fingers knead your ass as he grinds his dick against your cervix to intensify the pleasure for himself while his pelvis rubs against your clit as a nice touch. He really hopes you wouldn’t try to be a bitch and let him cum, if not then he is probably going to cry. “Please, please, let me cum… I need this, sis”

“You sound so fucking ridiculous” your voice is breathless too, but seeing him so needy and desperate for his release making this even better. Your hand tugs his hair, pulling away from your tits to look at his face even better - his lips are glistening with his own saliva and parted. Your clit throbs even more, aching for attention, velvety walls clench around him when you reach down to press your fingers on your clit, rubbing rough circles. “Come on, fill your little sister if you need this so much”

He whimpers disappointedly when he was pulled away from your sensitive and abused tits, but it was quickly changed into a moan when your pussy to wrap him tighter after adding your fingers in action. Your hips roll harder to meet his thrusts and wanting to see more of his stupid faces. Leon grinds up against sweet spot at every opportunity and every time it gets messier and messier as his balls tightens. His eyes slide shut briefly, now wetly meeting yours and looking more pathetic. What a freak, not like you are better than him.

Your orgasm approaches quickly as you kept rubbing your clit in rough circle motions, making your walls wrap harder around his cock. You arch as the flowing pleasure hits your body hard, having harder time to use your fingers to prolong your orgasm. Your pussy flutters at every erratic and messy thrust he kept making as he chase his own orgasm. It didn’t last long for him either, already a wonder he didn’t cum after sliding into you.

“Fuck- fuck” he slammed in to the hilt one final time, burying it deep and rubbing against your cervix before finally erupting deep inside you. Thick ropes of cum painted your insides in white, as your dripping cunt was milking his cock. Your body fell down against his chest, breathing heavily together and shivering.

“You stink like a wet dog, get out” you complain weakly, trying to push yourself away from him but it is effortless - he buries his head in the crook of your neck, again. His soft cock is still inside you, he won’t let you go. “and unsubscribe from my OnlyFans, creep”

“Later” Leon mumbles absently.

No, he is not even going to unsubscribe. In another life.

[bugflies00]

sorry this is referencing a few month old post/s you made about the dream situation and a question you’d asked about dream stans, you can delete this msg if you want since it’s not as relevant anymore. Again I’m sorry if this is weird or you don’t gaf (that’s fair bc who does lol)

TW for grooming and dream being fucking gross. You can just scroll fast and delete if you don’t want to read or deal with this, I understand that

-

To preface Im about Tommy’s age now, when I was 15-17, used to be a huge dream stan, and I was very vocal about defending him online. —I was extremely parasocial and weird, and looking back on it I really regret how I acted.

So. Idk how much people who weren’t stans of his saw, but dream- as stupid as it sounds- was our friend.

He had bath calls with us, sleep calls with us, he told us in depth about his personal life and his health issues and his trauma and his moods and his habits and just basically everything. Most of his interactions with us was through his discord, and then someone in the fandom would stream his discord calls for people who weren’t there. A running joke was that dream had a parasocial relationship with us. there was absolutely no gap between creator and fan, he followed me more than once, he brought fans onto his discord streams and talked with them and he knew a good amount of us by name. He called us cute and talked about how much we all (as individuals) meant to him,

when drama happened he’d usually either do a space/call or go on his private and vent to us, there were I think two separate times he’d have full panic attacks over drama happening, and we’d have to talk him down. He also would, when responding to callouts or accusations, use arguments that his fans were making.

He did this during almost all his pitfalls, including the grooming allegations, his wording was often taken word for word from tweets by people I was friends with. I dropped him after the initial allegations, but for a while after i still checked in bc i was really hoping he’d be innocent (he wasn’t) and i can confirm he still does this. He also regularly dmed his fans, mostly his black fans, to ask for “help” on being less racist.

I don’t use the word “grooming” lightly, but dream was and is absolutely grooming his audience. Thats why dream stans seem so cult-like these days. The amount of guiltripping, lying, forcing an us vs them mentality, and manipulation I saw this man pull was actually sick. He’d frequently, privately, to us, vent about tommy or quackity, and about how “all his friends hated him” and “we were all he had left” (legit, not joking). He is extremely good at emotional blackmail, he is good at making his fans hate other creators and turn on them, he is very good at utilizing his tears and using wording that he knows will make his mostly teenage fanbase think he’s a good kind person.

He wants to impress on his fans that he really was just a kind person, the only kind person and the only voice of reason. That’s why when the Cantu thing happened, he started posting “messages” of him being so kind to the Uber driver. He needs his fans to think he’s a kind and loving person, and that Tommy and quackity and literally everyone who’s pulled away from him was just a fake friend who couldn’t be trusted. He somehow was always, always the one being fucked over.

I remember when I told my friend about dream (this friend had a completely neutral opinion on him and barely knew the guy beyond his manhunts) and he told me that sounded like grooming.

He gradually isolated his (primarily young, female) fanbase using private accounts, discord calls, Snapchat, and whatever else. He got extremely personal with us far beyond the level any creator should be, he used kindness and flattery (like calling us “mature”. Also legit) to make us feel genuinely loved by him, again, NOT in the way a creator loves their fans. In the way a friend loves their friends, even in the way a partner loves their partner. He lashed out at us and had panic attacks when we did criticize him, he used tactics to make us think he was always right and good, and more than that, make all his detractors seem like terrible people out to get him AND us, he played himself out to be the perpetual victim and used carefully cut clips and emotional manipulation (like how he brought up his ~poor innocent family~ when harassing quackity. Weaponizing trauma like that was something he did ALL THE TIME to us whenever he was criticized.) in order to use us against people he didn’t like, making us take the bullet for him.

He uses his kindness and supposed goodness as a weapon, he used Tommy’s own trauma around doxxing against him when Tommy dared to criticize him (“I supported you when you were getting doxxed, yet you won’t do the same for me?”)

He used trauma to relate to his audience, making us feel like he was the only person who got it.

It’ll sound stupid, but it was genuinely really scarring. The way he made me and my friends feel was so confusing. I often found myself feeling used and violated, but also like I was in debt to him. I dreaded when he’d have fans on call, I dreaded him but also he felt like all I had. The tone of him and the fandom was that “we have to defend him at all costs, they’re out to get him and we’re the last line of support he has”. It was embarrassing, it was stressful, it was horrible. I wasted so much fucking time and energy on him.

it was really traumatic and distressing, especially as a teenager who’d already been at a vulnerable point and used him as an escape originally. I know that sounds melodramatic but I mean it.

He is a groomer through and through. He’s barely getting any new fans, but he’s barely losing any either bc the grasp he has on them is so tight.

Worst of all, if you leave the fandom, you’ll lose your friends and become an enemy. He encourages that behaviour and that mentality. He encourages harassment of his ex-friends, he encourages harassment of anyone who doesn’t like him. He wants you to feel like he’s the only good person, and like he’s the only one who will care about you. And I know at least in my experience that the way I acted when I was a fan of his did genuinely cause me to feel alienated in my social life. I lost friends, I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone “safely”. That’s how he wants his fans to feel, because at some point he really is all you have.

And that’s why dream stans are still sticking around. It’s at the point where the only way they’ll leave is on their own volition, and the more publicly fucked shit he does, the less hope I have that they’ll do that.

i don’t have much to add but i agree, and several people i know who used to be big dream fans also agreed that there was a heavily insidious ‘us vs them’ atmosphere

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 18: I Fucking Heard You

You and Joel adjust to life apart. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 17, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 8.3k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter

January, 2008 

He was going to actually do it this time. 

Joel was sitting outside your apartment building, drumming against the steering wheel of his truck, desperate to work out some of the anxious energy that kept building and building inside of him. 

But he just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, he was done trying to pretend like he didn’t love you. He was going to say it. 

Actually say it. 

For real this time. 

He’d ignored it as long as he could manage, shoved it down and tried to kill it by going out with practically every girl in school for even longer. He didn’t want to ruin things between the two of you, he was terrified of that more than he was of just about anything else. You mattered more to him than anyone, he couldn’t lose you, especially not to his own stupidity. But he couldn’t keep how he felt separate from your friendship, either. He loved you so much he felt like he was choking on it, like it had to go somewhere outside of himself or he was going to lose his damn mind with it. 

So he’d finally worked up the courage to tell you. Rip the bandaid off. Maybe it wouldn’t blow up in his face, maybe… maybe you’d tell him you felt the same way. Maybe you’d grab him and kiss him the way he pretended you would when he thought about you when he was alone. Maybe you’d tell him you changed your mind about going across the country, maybe you’d go to college here in Austin and you’d move in together and he’d get to be next to you all the time. 

This, he decided, was the perfect night for it. There was a meteor shower he’d heard about on the news and he talked you into going to the park to watch it. It seemed right, telling you this with the whole galaxy stretched out in front of you. Things were changing tonight. He could feel it. 

He watched as you more fell than climbed out of your window, landing in the bushes and clumsily pulling yourself free of them before dashing to his truck. 

“What are you wearin’ Goldie Girl?” He teased as you got in, the collar of a second sweatshirt visible below your hoodie, the sleeves unusually bulky. 

“What!” You asked, brows raised. “It’s January! It’s cold! And… I couldn’t risk waking up my mom by going to the coat closet for my jacket.” 

Joel snorted. 

“I’m counting on you to keep me warm out there, Miller,” you said, buckling up as Joel started driving, his heart beating out a frantic rhythm against his ribs. “This whole thing was your idea.” 

“I got blankets,” he said. “Not gonna let you freeze.” 

As he drove, the two of you caught up on everything that had happened in the few hours it had been since you’d last seen him - no time at all, really, but it always dragged for Joel. It seemed like he was always just marking time until he got to see you again. He was almost always with you until curfew. Then, awake for an hour, sleep for eight, wake up and then just an hour before he was at your door again, picking you up to take you to school. Then it was three and a half hours until lunch - which you always had with him - then just an hour until your single shared class - newspaper, which he’d joined to make you happy - and then two hours until school was done and he was with you again.

You told Joel about Anna’s issues in school and Joel told you about his mom’s frustrations with his own grades. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled a little as you scolded him and told him you’d help him study, he just had to actually do it and he smiled and nodded along because he knew that. You were always trying to bring out the best in him. You were the only one who could.

“Oh, and, there’s the one really big thing,” you said as Joel parked his truck. 

“I got a big thing, too,” he said. Your eyes lit up at that, always ready to be excited for him. “Yours first.” 

“OK. So, you know Steve?” You asked, brows raised.

“Steve,” Joel frowned, trying to picture someone the both of you knew named Steve. 

“Yeah, Steve,” you said. “You know, Steve…” 

“You can keep saying his name all you want, I still don’t know who you mean,” he laughed. 

“Steve,” you said again, incredulous. “The yearbook editor, Steve.” 

“Oh!” He said, picturing the guy now. “Yeah, OK, Steve. Right. What about him?” 

“Well,” you said sitting up a little straighter. “He asked me out.” 

Joel just stared at you for a moment, blinking in shock. His stomach sank. He had the strange feeling that he was falling from some great height, not unlike what he felt when riding a roller coaster with you except there was no safety harness to keep him from tumbling to the earth. 

“What?” He said eventually. 

“Steve asked me out,” you said, chin up like you were proud. “I actually have a date, I’m not just hanging out with you for a change!” 

“You said yes?” He asked, his mouth dry. 

“Yeah, of course I did! We’re going to go to the movies,” you said, beaming, before you realized that Joel apparently wasn’t reacting the way you expected. You cocked your head, frowning. “Why, should I not have? Is there something wrong with him?” 

“No,” he said quickly. “No, sure he’s fine, I just… didn’t know you liked ‘im is all.” 

“I mean,” you shrugged. “He’s not bad looking and he’s funny and he’s smart and he writes… We have a lot in common. What’s not to like?”

Of course. Of course you’d go for someone more like you, someone who was smart like you and didn’t fucking struggle in school like he did, someone who wrote like you instead of just fucked around with their entire life like he did. Why on Earth would you be interested in him? Why on Earth would you waste your fucking time on someone like him when you were so clearly meant for so much better? Not that Steve was fucking good enough for you. No one was, Joel included. 

“Right,” he said. He thought he might throw up. 

“What?” You said, laughing awkwardly. “Are you OK? You look weird…” 

“Fine,” he said quickly. “Just… You know. Be careful, guys can be assholes.” 

“Yeah, you’d know,” you teased. 

“No, I mean it,” Joel said. “Sure he seems like a decent guy but…” 

“But?” You asked, brows raised. 

“He don’t deserve you,” he said. 

You smiled then, gently, reaching out and putting your hand on his thigh and giving his leg a squeeze. 

“You’re sweet,” you said. “And you’re worried about nothing. It’s high school. It’s a date. It’s not like we’re getting married. Oh, maybe we could all go out together sometime! Once you pick the new flavor of the week, I mean. I’ll actually have someone to go with now.” 

“Yeah,” Joel said, forcing himself to smile. “Yeah, that’d be fun.” 

He gathered up the blankets and set them out in the bed of his truck and he helped pull you into it, settling in just as the meteor shower started overhead. You pressed yourself close to him and he could feel the heat of your breath on his skin and fuck he wished it could have been him you said yes to. 

“Oh, what was your thing?” You asked, looking up at him from where your head was nestled against his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to derail the conversation…” 

“Oh, uh,” Joel said, scrambling for something - anything - to say. “Tommy… decided to take after his big brother and go out for football next year.” 

“Nice!” You said, looking back at the sky again. “You’re going to put him through his paces before, right? Teach him how to take a hit?” 

Joel scoffed. 

“Course,” he said. “What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t.” 

The two of you watched stars streak across the sky for hours. Joel set an alarm on his phone because he knew you’d sleep through one on yours and you snuggled close to him under the blankets. 

“You were right,” you said, voice sleepy. “This is really cool. Thanks for talking me into it.” 

“Course,” he said, resisting the urge to kiss you. “I’d do anything for you… Love you, Goldie.” 

You smiled against him. 

“Love you, too,” you said. 

He held you close and wondered what it would be like if you meant it the same way he did.  

***

September, 2023

“Aunt Goldie?” 

You looked up from painting Sarah’s toenails to see her watching you, her head cocked and a serious expression on her face, one that was partially obscured by the facial mask you’d applied before you’d started in on her nails during your at home spa day. 

“Niece Sarah?”

“Why are you and my dad still in a fight?” She asked. 

You just blinked for a moment, taking a moment to process her question. It caught you off guard - not that it should have. Things had been very different since her birthday party months earlier and Sarah was a smart kid. It made sense that she would notice. You just hadn’t prepared an answer - something that felt like a massive oversight now that it was in front of you. 

“What makes you think that we’re in a fight?” You said eventually, putting the brush back in the jar of polish before you dripped on the floor. 

“You never come over anymore,” she said. 

“Well, I live back at my own house now,” you said, starting in on her toes again. 

“Duh,” Sarah said and you could practically hear her eyes roll. “But even before you and Ellie lived with us you came over all the time and you don’t anymore. And my dad never comes here with me, he always just drops me off.” 

“We both have a lot going on,” you said, happy you had an excuse to not be looking her in the eye. “It’s not…” 

“I’m not stupid, you know,” she said and you looked up then, her gaze serious as she watched you closely. “I know something happened.” 

You finished her pinky toe and closed the nail polish with a sigh. 

“Sarah…” 

“My dad’s been acting different,” she cut you off, a little heated, and you frowned. 

“Different?” You asked. “Different how?” 

“He’s just…” she sighed. “I think he’s sad. He tries to pretend like he’s not and that everything’s normal but I know him and I can tell. I don’t know what happened but I think it’s stupid that you guys just aren’t talking or whatever right now. I wish you’d just figure it out.” 

You looked at Sarah, at her wide and hopeful eyes, and tried to figure out how to explain this to her.

How did you tell her that you weren’t sure how to move past how her father - the person you loved most in the world - apparently saw you? That you needed space from him because you couldn’t let yourself revolve around him anymore? That it wasn’t good for you to have your life so intertwined with someone who would, inevitably, go on to have a life outside of you?

It had been a strange two months, not seeing and even really speaking to Joel. 

The first day was strange. It was just you and Ellie and your cat in your house that had done nothing beyond collect dust in the months since your niece was born. 

Being there, alone, with Ellie made you nervous and you were sure she could sense it in you somehow, like she knew you were unworthy and letting her down by taking her away from the one fully competent person in her life because you were too selfish and couldn’t move past your own shit. 

To make matters worse, your mind kept going back to Joel and the strange life the two of you had made together in the months you’d lived with him. He’d become built into everything, the rhythm of your life out of sync without him and Sarah there, too. You missed both of them so much it hurt but it was especially painful with Joel. You missed the way the two of you would navigate around each other in the kitchen in the morning, his hand so often finding your hip or the small of your back when he needed to reach around you or move past you. The way you could hold your toothbrush out and he would put the right amount of toothpaste on it before going to bed at the end of the day. The way he would just open your beer for you when he got you one, because - while you didn’t need him to - he knew you didn’t like getting your nails under the pull tab of the can or twisting the cap on the bottles. 

Joel knew you. You’d been married a decade and you weren’t sure your husband had ever known you the way Joel did. He’d certainly never done things like that for you. Joel did. That was part of why that moment after Sarah’s party had caught you so off guard. You’d thought you meant more to him than that, that you were more than one of the women he’d pick up, have fun with for a night or a week or a month and then cast aside.

But then he shoved you against the wall in his kitchen and fucked you with his fingers like all you were to him was something physical, telling you how no one could fuck you like he did, as though that was the only thing that would matter. 

You tried to shove that keen loneliness that came with missing him down by focusing on Ellie and pouring your every thought onto the page. You just kept your niece as close as possible all the time, keeping her strapped to your chest as you sat at your desk to write until it felt like your brain was going numb or got your house cleaned up or made dinner or went for a walk just to get out of your own head for a bit. You hoped that all but smothering her with closeness would keep her from realizing the coldly obvious thing that was your desperation and it was a relief when you took her to the rehab facility to pick up Anna. 

This time, things with Anna and Ellie were smooth. Or as close to smooth as you could get with someone coming out of months of inpatient therapy and an infant. Anna seemed nervous with Ellie at first, hesitating and double checking everything, her eyes going from her daughter’s face to yours like she wanted your approval for how she was doing. 

“This is right?” She asked as she held the bottle while cradling Ellie in the way that Joel had shown you. 

“Yeah,” you smiled gently. “You’ve got it.” 

“Yeah,” Anna said, looking back down at Ellie and smiling a little, too. “I think I do.” 

You pulled back slowly then. 

The first two weeks, you were more hands on, doing at least 50% of the work of caring for Ellie, going with Anna daily to meetings and therapy, writing as much as you could and keeping Joel far from your mind. 

But, after a little while, Anna started to naturally take on more and more. The two of you went from splitting the overnight Ellie care to Anna handling everything. Slowly but surely, she took over everything and, by week five, all you were doing was watching as she cared for her daughter. 

“If you wanted to move back home, I think I’m ready,” she said one afternoon as she fed Ellie while you made some tweaks to the plot of your novel in your story notebook. 

“Are you sure?” You asked, setting your pen down, eyebrows drawn together. 

“Yeah,” she said. “Why, do you think I’m not?” 

“No!” You said quickly. “No, I think you’re doing great. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m abandoning you.” 

“It won’t be like it was before,” she smiled, a twinge of sadness in her expression as she did. “I know her now. I know me now. I’ve got this, I don’t need to hold you back anymore.” 

“You’re not…” you began, but she cut you off. 

“I am,” she said. “You have a life outside of me and her and you put it on hold because I couldn’t get my shit together…” 

“You just needed help…” you interjected, but she ignored you.

“…And I’m so sorry I put that on you,” she continued. “I’ll owe you forever for taking care of my daughter when I couldn’t. But we don’t need your help now, you can go back to your life. It’s OK. I promise.” 

You didn’t have the heart to tell her that, really, you didn’t have a life. Outside of your work, your book and your cat, you had nothing. You needed her more than she needed you. 

You’d tried to start getting a life of your own, getting out of the house and doing things on your own, well before this conversation. The first time you’d left Anna alone with Ellie for a few hours, you’d gone out with Tim, the man you’d met at Sarah’s party. 

It was a fine date. It would have been a great one had it been someone else but all you could think about when you looked at him was Joel forcing you to come on his fingers in his kitchen as he said over and over that no one else could make you feel like he did. 

Things fizzled out quickly when you realized it wasn’t something you could really get over. Since then, you hadn’t bothered with Tinder or trying to reach out to Alyssa or anyone else in town. The only person you’d really texted outside of Sarah and Anna was Gale. 

You hadn’t responded to anything your estranged husband had sent since you’d moved in with Joel but then, one day, he texted you something that made you respond. 

I didn’t want you to find this out on Facebook, that seemed wrong, but I wanted you to know that I became a father. 

You stared at the message, just a few days after Anna had said you could move back home, reading it as you held your sister’s infant daughter in your arms. You thought about ignoring it, shoving the strange, hollow feeling that was taking over the core of you down deep, but then he sent one more message, one you couldn’t just pretend he never sent at all. 

I’m sorry it wasn’t you. 

You held it together until Anna was done in the shower, giving Ellie to her and making up some excuse that you were sure she could tell was bullshit - something about a headache and feeling nauseated - so you could hide in the room that had become yours in the time you’d been at Anna’s. You buried your face in the pillow and screamed until your throat was raw and you were choking on your tears, barely able to breathe. 

It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you, not for anybody. He had been everything to you once but you hadn’t been anything to him, not really. It had never been you. 

This, you thought, you should have been used to by now. You’d always felt like you were on the fringes of your own life, the people at the center of your world putting you on the edges of theirs. Gale, when you’d first gotten together with him, was the first person since Joel who made you feel like you were a priority, like you actually mattered. That feeling had faded with time but that, you’d thought, was just a byproduct of what a whole life with someone meant. Of course he didn’t send you good morning texts with poetry anymore or get you flowers just because or go out of his way to get your favorite tea. You saw each other all the time, why would he?

But you’d been sure that, at least with your husband, you were the priority. Until he’d given you divorce papers, even through the months of distance and cold behavior, you’d thought that you were the priority.

Then you realized, you’d kept thinking that, even after he left, even now. The way the divorce had dragged on, the way he kept texting and calling and trying, some sad, sick part of yourself had latched onto that. That you were the important thing, that you were what mattered. Your marriage may have failed but you took some cold comfort in the fact that you’d at least left your mark on him.

But you hadn’t. You’d stopped sleeping together hardly more than a year ago and your husband already had a baby with another woman. Even in your marriage, you’d been on the fringes.

When you stopped crying enough that you could see clearly, you emailed your attorney.

Give him whatever he wants. I just need this to be done.

You knew what that meant. The last divorce agreement his lawyer had sent yours included shared rights to your own fucking book, him keeping the house without buying you out, him keeping the entirety of the 401k. He was asking for a lot but all you wanted then was to cut the tie as thoroughly as possible. As terrifying as it was to live in a world that made it seem like your marriage had never happened, it was better than this. 

Your lawyer called you to be sure, to try to talk you out of it, but you didn’t care. He could have whatever percentage of book rights he wanted, it's not like you could have created it without him. He could have the house, it’s not like you could ever live in it without him. He could have the entire state of Rhode Island for all you cared as long as you’d never be faced with the sharp reality of your marriage.

You wrote furiously when it was done, the words pouring out of you in a way they hadn’t since you’d written Halcyon. You barely slept or ate for days, canceling classes and writing until there wasn’t anything left inside you to say. You finished the manuscript, 33 chapters of your love and pain sitting in front of you. You stared at it for a moment, the cursor pulsing at the end of the final sentence. 

It was over. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do now, but it was done. 

You were numb when you were on your couch a few days later, staring at the ceiling with nothing but your cat to keep you company, when your phone rang. You answered it without bothering to look at the screen, content to even talk to a telemarketer for a few minutes if it served as enough of a distraction.

“Hello?”

“What the hell is this, baby doll?”

You sat up fast enough that your head spun, pulling your phone away from your face to see Gale’s name on your screen. You put your ear to the phone again.

“What the hell is what?”

“This,” he said and you could hear the shuffle of papers on the other end.

“You realize we’re not on facetime, right?”

“You know what I mean,” he said. “This, the new divorce agreement your lawyer sent mine, what is this?”

You frowned, putting the call on speaker before going to your most recent email with your attorney and skimming the agreement. Your frown deepened.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” You asked. “I thought you’d be happy, I…”

“You think this is what I want?” He cut you off, sounding heated.

“Isn’t it what you asked for?” you asked. “I don’t think I missed anything, you should have everything you wanted, and…”

“What I asked for is outrageous,” he said. You heard him put something down with a little too much force on the other end – probably a mug, knowing him – the sound of the ceramic on wood sharp. “I knew that when I asked for it."

"OK," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose, taking the phone off speaker and holding it against your ear again. “What else do you want? Do you want me to say you won or something? Because…”

“I want you to reconsider,” he said.

You just sat there for a moment, blinking in shock.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “What is this. Why are you giving in to me like this.” 

It still took you a moment to process what he said before you could manage to answer. 

“I’m just trying to give you what you want,” you said, voice thick. 

“You’ve never done that before,” he said. “Hell, even when we were together you never did that, you never just gave into me unless you wanted it, too. Why now.” 

“You…” you sighed. “You’re a father now, you have… there’s someone else in your life now, you have another life now, Gale, and you should live it. I’m holding you back, I don’t want to hold you back, I…” 

“You’ve never held me back,” he said. “I’ve told you that.” 

“Well, clearly I wasn’t right for you in some way or we wouldn’t be where we’re at right now,” you snapped without meaning to. “I’m not the one who wanted to separate, that was you.” 

“Yeah, well, I fucked up,” he said and you had to bite your tongue. “I was… I’ve never been with anyone as long as I was with you…” 

“Yeah, me ether,” you said voice still sharp. “I was with you for more than a third of my life Gale.” 

“I know that,” he said, speaking more gently than you. “I should have known better, I should have understood how things would change and I should have embraced your success instead of letting it hurt me…” 

“My success hurt you?” You asked quietly. 

He sighed heavily. 

“It did,” he said. “You thrived commercially in ways I never could. I envied that, so much that I couldn’t stand being around you.” 

“That’s it?” You asked. “That’s what made you leave me, the fact that I sold more books than you did?” 

“No, of course not,” he said. “But it’s… it’s what started it.” 

You almost laughed to keep yourself from crying because of course it was the one success you’d found that broke your marriage. Why would it be anything else? 

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” you said. 

“I know,” he said. “I was wondering if…” 

“Does Carla know you’re talking to me?” You asked, cutting him off. 

“Does she need to?” He asked. “You’re my wife.” 

“And she’s the mother of your child,” you said. “I’m not going to be the other woman in my own marriage. You need to figure out what you want.” 

“And if I want you?” He asked. 

You sighed. 

“You have a family now,” you said. “Think before you blow it up.” 

But ever since, Gale had been a bigger presence in your life than Joel. He’d started acting like he had in the early days of your relationship, sending you romantic texts and having flowers delivered to your house. 

Part of you knew you should resist it, that this wouldn’t lead anywhere good. There was a reason things had fallen apart once before, you knew they would again. But going back to him would be so easy. He was comfortable, familiar. There was a life the two of you had together that you knew you could fit back into now, if you wanted. It might be complicated - he had a child now - but it was there, right in front of you. 

You just weren’t sure if you wanted it. 

So you started talking with him. Not a lot, not like it had been before, but you were texting daily. He wanted to know about your book, how your classes were going, about your life in Texas. Part of you was waiting for the other foot to drop, for him to decide that he didn’t want you again, but he was consistent and that, at least, was something. 

Meanwhile, your only contact with Joel was in a group chat with Sarah. 

You might have needed space from Joel but you couldn’t just cut things off with Sarah. It wasn’t fair to her, you knew she was attached to you. Plus, she had become like a niece or daughter to you in the year you’d known her. You knew the names of her friends and her favorite songs and the books she liked. You loved her. You’d had to keep in touch. She regularly came over to watch a movie or have dinner and she called you at least three times a week to ask for help with homework and tell you about her life.  

While you kept up with Sarah, you never really directly spoke to Joel. You only texted in the group chat to confirm that it was OK for you to pick up Sarah and what time she needed to be back, or when Joel would drop her off and pick her up at your place. 

But you’d opened up your texts to send him a message directly at least once a day and every time you just stared at the last thing he’d sent you: I’m sorry. It was sent just hours after you’d left his house with Ellie weeks before. 

You weren’t sure what the hell you were supposed to say to him, what you were supposed to do with that apology. Were you supposed to accept it and pretend it had never happened? Were you supposed to actually have him explain to you, on no uncertain terms, how he saw you and what he wanted from your relationship? Could you handle actually hearing him say it if you did? 

You didn’t know. So you left it alone, the message glaring at you, the date stamp going further and further into the past with every passing day. 

And that’s where your relationship with Joel sat, frozen in time, as his daughter watched you closely. 

“You should come over tonight,” Sarah said. You raised your eyebrows and she stared you down. “When you drop me off. Just come inside, say hi, have dinner. It’s think he said he was going to grill.” 

“I’m sure he already has everything planned out for tonight,” you said, returning to the work of painting her last nail and closing the polish. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…” 

“Please?” She said, her eyes wide. She had to know what she was doing, looking at you that way. She was too smart for her own good. “I miss you.” 

You sighed. 

“Alright…” 

“Yes!” She punched the air in victory. 

“But just to say hi,” you said and her face fell a little. “I don’t want to impose.” 

“Psh, family doesn’t impose,” she waved you off. You looked at her, incredulous. “What? That’s what Uncle Tommy says when he wants to stay for dinner.” 

You snorted. 

“Yeah, I bet he does,” you said. “Alright, once your toes dry, we’ll go to the bookstore and get you home.” 

“And you’ll come inside?” 

“And I’ll come inside,” you said, even though the thought made your stomach knot. “Promise.” 

You took her to the bookstore, just wandering through with her and picking out a few new things for her - because you weren’t above buying a kid’s love - and got in line, where you passed a table of best sellers. 

Halcyon was sitting there, out in paperback now, one copy sitting face down so your portrait was visible on the back. Sarah frowned and picked it up, examining it for a moment before her face lit up. 

“Aunt Goldie!” She said, thrusting the book at you. “That’s you! I didn’t know you were famous!” 

You shushed her, someone in line in front of you turning to look at you. 

“OK, well, I’m not famous,” you said, taking the book from her and setting it back where it belonged. “I just wrote a book that people liked, that’s all.” 

“My dad said you wrote a book, I didn’t know it was a famous book,” she said. “Can I read it?” 

“Absolutely not,” you said, nudging her forward as the line moved. 

“Why not?” She pouted. 

“Because, as much as I love you and know how good of a reader you are, I wrote the book for adults,” you said. “You can read it in 10 years. Maybe.” 

“Well, will you tell me what it’s about?” She asked. 

You sighed, not entirely sure how to answer that question. At least, not to Sarah. 

“It’s…” you paused. “It’s about love and figuring out who you are with it and without it.” 

“Oh,” she crinkled her nose a little. 

“What?” You asked, laughing a little. 

“Sounds kinda boring,” she said. “Sorry.” 

You snorted. 

“No, you’re right,” you said. “It probably is boring.” 

You paid for the books, the person in line behind you stopping you on your way out the door to sign a copy of your book they’d just bought, Sarah beaming as she watched, and drove to Joel’s. 

You took a moment to steel yourself as you sat in his driveway. You hadn’t been in Joel’s house since you’d left. Any time you picked up or dropped off Sarah, you just sat in the car and waited for her to come to you or watched her until she was safely inside. You didn’t dare actually go in the house. That, you knew, was a bridge too far.

But you’d overcome bigger obstacles. You could do this, too. 

You pulled yourself together and followed Sarah inside. 

Nothing had changed. The blanket that was made by Joel’s mother was still draped on the end of the couch, his work boots were in a heap near the door, a beach towel from the pool was drying on a chair outside that you could just see through the sliding glass door. In spite of the knot in your stomach, this place felt like home. There was comfort here because the people you loved were here. 

“That you baby girl?” Joel called from down the hall. 

Your heart stuttered.

“It’s just me,” she called back.

You heard the telltale sounds of his footsteps as he made his way to the stairs. 

“For dinner, did you…” he said before he froze, looking up from his phone to find you standing there, in his living room. 

You smiled tightly. 

“Hi Joel.” 

***

You were here. 

In his living room, you were here. You were here and you weren’t ignoring him and maybe he hadn’t fucking ruined everything. You were here and holy fuck you looked good, just in shorts and a tank top and fuck, he wanted to touch you again. 

Instead, he just swallowed that driving want and cleared his throat, standing up a little straighter as he did. 

“Hey, Goldie.” 

You smiled. Not in that usual way you had, one that was quieter and stiller but still there. 

“I told Aunt Goldie that she should come over and stay for dinner,” Sarah said. 

“Oh,” Joel said, looking between you and Sarah. “Well, baby girl, Aunt Goldie’s been real busy lately and…” 

“She already said she could stay for dinner,” Sarah said, almost smirking. “And I know you guys aren’t in a fight because you’ve both said you’re not in a fight and you’d never lie to me about that, right?” 

Joel looked at you, a little desperate, and you just gave him a small shrug. 

“Right,” she finished for him. “So that means she can stay for dinner because there’s no reason she can’t and oh, look! Vanessa is calling me so I’m just going to go into my room until dinner is ready and talk with her and not listen to whatever you two are going to talk about. Bye!” 

She ran upstairs, taking them two steps at a time, leaving you and Joel standing there awkwardly in his living room. 

“Sorry,” he said at the same time you did and you both laughed awkwardly.

“She’s conniving, that one,” you said. 

“Little trickster,�� Joel agreed. 

He just watched you for a moment, happy that he could see you - actually see you, not just picture you like he usually did now.  

“I should have called,” you said after you were both quiet for a moment. “I shouldn’t have just… It doesn’t matter that she wanted me to come over like this, I should have called and…” 

“No, it’s fine,” Joel said quickly. “You’re always welcome here, Goldie, you don’t need to call.” 

You smiled, small again, but it was there. 

“Thanks,” you said. “I should have at least brought something, though, I know you weren’t planning on me being here… I can just go, I don’t…” 

“Think we can find enough food in this house to feed three people,” he said, stepping closer, smiling a little. “Stay, if you want. I’d… I’d really like it if you stayed.” 

“OK,” you said and you smiled like you then, small at first but then wide and bright and welcoming. “Then yeah, I’ll stay.” 

Falling into you again was so fast and so easy. You followed him to the kitchen and the two of you made awkward, stilted conversation for a minute or two but, before long, you were perched on the counter while he made burger patties from the ground beef in the fridge as you told him how Ellie was doing and he told you what he’d been up to since you’d left. 

Which, he had to admit, he was embellishing a little because, without you and Ellie, his life had been pretty gray. 

After you left, it took a few days before it felt like he could do anything but take care of Sarah and stare at his phone. He’d texted you an apology, something he immediately regretted. He should have figured out a better way to say it instead of just “I’m sorry” and kept his mouth shut until he did. He kept hoping that you’d reply, that you’d give him a chance to say something better than “I’m sorry.” 

Eventually, he gave up and tried to figure out how to live without you again. It was harder than he’d expected it to be. He’d done it before when you’d gone more than just a few miles down the road and he’d lived through that, this shouldn’t have been any worse. But it was. 

Your lives had become so entangled, so in step, you were missing in everything he did. There were reminders of you everywhere and in everything, so much so that he needed an outlet. 

So, he started playing guitar more.

It hurt at first because, for some masochistic fucking reason, he kept being drawn to songs about heartbreak and loss. But eventually, he got to the point that he wanted to do something besides wallow. It took him some time to figure out what the fuck that meant but, eventually, he settled on the perfect thing: his business plan. 

Part of him wanted to believe that he was doing it only for himself. That this was what he wanted, it was the next step he needed to take to make his life - and the life he was building for his daughter - what he wanted it to be. 

But that wasn’t true, you were in this, too. This was what he needed to do to be worthy of you. Maybe, if he could actually fucking make something of himself, you’d want him the way he wanted you. 

So he’d put together the damn business plan. He put together the business plan and thought up a name and made an appointment at the bank to apply for the loan he’d need to start the company to begin with. He did everything he had to to make something of himself. He did it because he’d been wanting to be something since he’d first held his daughter. He did it because you gave him the courage and the drive to do it. 

He didn’t tell you that part of it but he did tell you about the business stuff and he couldn’t help but be a little proud as he did. 

But it was strange being close to you again like this, in ways that weren’t as intimate as they’d been just a few months before. He couldn’t just touch you as he cooked, trailing his hand up your thigh or his fingers over the delicate skin on the inside of your wrist where he could feel the pulse of you. Even with that odd distance, it felt like you should be close to him all the time, like he shouldn’t need to catch up with you like this because he should just know. He should just be living all of this with you.

“I’m so glad you guys aren’t fighting anymore,” Sarah said cheerfully when she finally emerged from her room for dinner, the three of you gathered around Joel’s table with cheeseburgers standing tall on your plates. 

You looked at Joel, brows raised and nose scrunched and he sighed before looking back at Sarah. 

“We weren’t fighting, baby girl,” he said. 

“Oh, sure,” Sarah nodded sarcastically. 

“He’s right. As much as I would love to just hang out with you and your dad all day, I’m afraid I do have a job,” you said. “And that means I have to be somewhere else at least some of the time.” 

“I’ve just decided that I’m not going to let you guys not talk to each other for my whole life again,” she said. “So say whatever you want, I’m just glad Aunt Goldie is back.” 

She got up and gave you both a squeeze. 

“I’m going to go do homework,” she said. 

“Believe that when I see it,” Joel scoffed. 

“And you guys have fun,” she said, ignoring you both before heading to her room. 

You watched her go, an amused smile on your face until you heard her bedroom door closed. 

“She is too smart for her own good, for the record,” you said. 

“Tell me about it,” Joel laughed. “Fuck if I know where she gets it from, too. Sure as hell ain’t me.” 

“You always underestimate yourself,” you smiled a little, watching him now. Joel shrugged. “Is it weird to say I’m proud of you? For the business stuff I mean?” 

“Nah,” Joel waved you off. “Not weird. Couldn’t have done it without you.” 

“Yes you could,” you said. “But I’m glad I got to be a part of it.” 

“Want to be more of a part of it?” He asked. “Because no one but me has read this business plan and, I’m not gonna lie to you Goldie girl, that’s making me pretty damn nervous.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Yeah,” you said. “I’d be happy to.” 

Joel just watched as you went through the documents, a serious look on your face, and you made some notes on scratch paper as you went, weirdly anxious about what you would say. Because what you thought mattered even more than the damn bank. 

“This is good,” you said when you finished, nodding slowly. “I have some questions but I think this is really good, Joel.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, brows raised. 

You smiled, one of your smiles, the ones he loved so much. 

“Yeah,” you said. “You’re getting that loan, Miller. You’re about to be Joel Miller, proud founder of Miller Brothers Construction and Contracting, how’s it feel?” 

He laughed.

“Pretty damn good,” he said. “But I do want your notes, I really want to do something right for once in my damn life.” 

“Sure,” you laughed. “But I have had a beer and four glasses of iced tea since I’ve been here so I have to pee first. Think you can manage to wait for like… two minutes?” 

“I guess,” Joel groaned. “Cave to your basic human frailties, God you’re so lame.” 

You rolled your eyes at him but ran off to the bathroom and Joel watched you go, his eyes lingering on your ass and he tried to not picture you naked in his bed, remembering the way you looked when you slept naked and kicked the covers off in the night and he could see every inch of your skin beside him. 

Your phone vibrating on the table pulled him out of his own head and he was about to call your name when he frowned, seeing the name on screen. 

Gale was calling you. 

Fucking Gale. 

He watched it ring out, staring it down like it was a threat. 

What the fuck were you doing talking to fucking Gale? You weren’t speaking to the guy when you’d been staying at Joel’s. What was he doing calling you now? 

“Alright,” you said, clapping your hands together once before punching the air as you made your way back to the kitchen. “Let’s do this thing, Miller!” 

“Why is Gale calling you?” He asked. 

Your face fell. 

“What?” You asked quietly. 

“Gale,” he said, feeling himself get madder than he should. “The fucking asshole you’re supposed to be getting away from, Gale. Your ex-husband, Gale.”

“He’s not my ex-husband,” you said, shoving your hands in your back pockets and squaring your jaw. “We’re still married. And it’s not your business who I talk to…” 

“Not your ex-husband?” He asked. “And not my business? It’s not my business, right, great…” 

“Are we doing this again?” You asked, brows raised. “Really? You’re going to be pissed that I’m seeing someone…” 

“You’re fucking seeing him?” He asked, getting to his feet. “You’re getting back together with your ex-husband, the same one who treated you like shit? Jesus Christ, Goldie!” 

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” You snapped. “But I do know that he’s coming here tomorrow so we can talk and he’s going to help me with my book and…” 

“Why!” He cut you off. “Why the fuck are you going back to that… that… fucking asshole? Goldie, you’re so much BETTER than him! You don’t…” 

“He’s my husband, Joel!” You all but yelled. “He’s someone that I promised to be with for the rest of my life and that means something, I can’t just pretend it didn't happen! We’ve been talking and…” 

“And what?” Joel snapped. “What, he start manipulating you again?” 

“Again?” You asked, incredulous. “What do you mean again, you don’t know anything about our relationship, you don’t know what he was like then, what I was like then! You don’t know that part of my life, stop pretending like you do!” 

“And why don’t I know it, hm?” He asked, just pissed off now. “Tell me, why don’t I know that part of your life when I know all the others, why don’t I know that part?” 

“Don’t,” you said, sharp and cold. 

He didn’t listen. 

“Because you left! I don’t know because you left, you left me here like I was nothing, like I didn’t fucking matter to you and yeah, maybe I didn’t but…” 

“No, fuck you,” you spat. “You don’t get to pretend like you’re just some innocent in all this…” 

“Then what am I?” He demanded. “Tell me, I’m fucking dying to know how it’s my fuckin’ fault that you took off across the damn country, changed your damn number, blocked me on goddamn Facebook when I LOVED you…” 

“Don’t,” you said, tears at the edges of your eyes. “Don’t do that, don’t say that kind of shit to me…” 

“Say what?” He asked. “Tell you the truth? Because…” 

“Because I’m not just some girl you fuck and cast aside, Joel!” You got in his face, tears falling now. “So don’t feed me the same lines you feed them because it won’t work and it’s not fair to me or to our friendship and…” 

“What lines!” He asked. “I’m not feeding you any fucking lines, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

“I heard you!” You yelled, breathless, forceful enough that Joel stepped back from you. 

“What?” He whispered. 

“I heard you,” you said. “When you were talking with Ricky, under the bleachers after prom, I heard you. I heard how much you regretted that night, I heard what you thought of me, I fucking heard you, Joel. So don’t act like you didn’t do anything, don’t act like I meant something to you because I know I didn’t. I know what I was, I know I was just some stupid girl you regretted fucking, I heard you. I know what I am to you, deep down, so forgive me if I’m not exactly desperate to talk through this shit with you. I’m sorry the fact that someone out there wants me, actually wants me, is so inconvenient for you!” 

You snatched your phone from the table and stalked toward the door. 

“No,” he said, going after you. “No, Goldie, listen, I…”

“I’m really not interested in hearing more of your bullshit, Joel,” you snapped. “I can’t, I just don’t have it in me to hear you talk about how much you regret me anymore.” 

You paused in the doorway, looking back at him as he scrambled to find a way to say something - anything - that would make you stay. 

“Good luck at the bank,” you said. “I’m sure you’ll get what you’re asking for.” 

You were gone before he had a chance to respond. 

A/N: I'm so sorry this took a million years. Thank you for being patient as my job put me through the wringer and grad school just beat me over the head repeatedly.

This was a BIG moment for Goldie in particular! She FINALLY said it, the reason why she left and why she thinks he doesn't want her. She reopened the wound and now the ball is in Joel's court. We'll see what he does with it :)

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

[hoffmansgirl]

i thought it would vanish into thin air quickly but since "nicholas chavez is over party" kinda thingy is happening all over social media, i'd like to hear everyone's thoughts...

i think people can be so dramatic these days ━ of course he could've declined the picture, he's a grown man, a person who gets a lot of attention at the moment, so he should know how to act in public.

as if for the "costumes" these guys were wearing ━ they are disgusting and i'm nauseous looking at them, why would they even think it's a good idea?

as if for nicholas, it's really hard to defend him anymore since he clearly doesn't have a PR guy who would tell him how to act in public. for the people who are saying that they're praying on his downfall ━ aren't you ashamed...? 😭

comparing nick to cooper is also ridiculous as they are VERY different people who choose to show their support in different ways, and it's okay. they're nothing alike and it's obvious.

and once again, i think nicholas has made some... questionable choices but he still has time to address this whole situation, and if he doesn't ━ nick, do better.

this makes me really sad because lyle and erik has spoken about him in such a kind way, not holding a grudge against him when he didn't visit them with cooper ━ once again, his choice. yet he takes a picture with guys that mock the abuse the Menendez brothers went through... it gives me an ick, not gonna lie. and it's not right of him.

no reason to cancel him though ━ people were saying he's "evil", "soulless", "full of himself" ━ and i have a hard time believing that. he seems so sweet, his love life is none of my business, but he's doing so many things wrong.

he seems like such a genuine guy, but i feel like he's lost himself in the sudden hype.

got called a dickrider on twitter (by people who are probably 12, but okay...) for choosing not to hate on him. it really surprises me how quick people can switch up, "i never liked him!!!!!!", "hes got these soulless eyes, he's the devil, glad i never found him attractive" ━ girl shut the fuck up, no one cares, i can promise you that. you're so different, we get it.

celebrities are also people, something a lot of consumers forget about. they are allowed to make mistakes, but they should learn from them. and he's such a young guy (saying this as a person 5 years younger...), there's a long road ahead of him and i honestly wish he could find himself again ♡

woof. that was long. i felt obligated to talk about this stuff because i am a nicholas focused blog, so...

anyways peace & love, and treat people with kindness ♡

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

light of life ₊˚⊹♡

Summary: Y/N loves Diwali, the fesitval of lights, so the light of her life, Lando, surprises her.

♡ ln x desi!reader 𓇢𓆸

♡ fluff + humour + smau 𓇢𓆸

masterlist ☾☼

lando had planned a little surprise for his girlfriend. he knew how much she had wanted him to be there for diwali, but since the festival fell in the middle of a triple header, it had seemed impossible for him to do all the travel. it would have left him exhausted, and the chances of falling sick would have increased.

but, did lando care? no.

his girlfriend wanted him in india, at her house, on diwali, so that's exactly where he would be.

lando landed in india on diwali day itself. he could only be there for the night, and had a flight the next morning back to brazil. since diwali was on a thursday, andrea and zak had agreed to let him off the hook for media duties, but made lando promise to be back for the practice and sprint qualifying.

with bag in hand, and his jacket draped over his arm, lando rang the doorbell, waiting patiently. the door opened, and y/n's mother stood at the door.

"oh my god, what a nice surprise!" she exclaimed, as he let him in.

lando removed his shoes at the door, smiling. he kept his bags on the floor for a moment, and hugged y/n's mum.

"y/n hasn't stopped talking about the mexico race!" she said.

"did you watch it?" lando asked, knowing that y/n's mother had no interest in f1, despite her love for driving.

"you know i didn't!" she laughed, smacking his arm slightly.

"maa, kaun hai?" y/n's voice rang out, as she walked towards the door from wherever she had been in the house.

lando kept his bag neatly near the door, as he excitedly waited for his girlfriend to see him.

y/n froze as she saw lando standing in her living room. her mouth open in surprise.

"hey, baby! happy diwali!" lando still butchered the pronunciation, but he was learning.

"you're here!" y/n shrieked, as she ran towards him. y/n's mother moved back to give them some space.

y/n jumped into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist, as her arms went around his neck. her face pressed into his neck as she hugged him.

lando laughed at her excitement, as he tightened his arms around her. long distance was hard enough, and add in triple headers, it made lando lose his mind a little everyday.

"surprise!" lando whispered in her ear.

"oh im so happy!" y/n said as she pulled back and stared at his face.

"that makes me so happy," lando said.

y/n leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, though the couple could not stop smiling.

a few seconds of lando and y/n lost in their little bubble had y/n's mother clearing her throat, "reminder, you guys are in india. yeh sab nahi chalta yaha!"

the couple laughed, and lando set her on her feet gently. keeping their arms around each other, lando picked up in bag, and y/n took his jacket, the two walking towards y/n's room.

"how long are you here for?" y/n asked.

"just tonight. i've got an early morning flight tomorrow for the practice and sprint quali,"

"that makes sense. you should rest now. i know the flight was tiring, and i'll wake you up when its time for the puja. okay?"

lando sat on the edge of her bed, pulling y/n closer to stand between his legs.

"okay," he said softly.

y/n smiled, leaning down to kiss him again. lando's hands moved up and down her legs, before settling on her waist and pulling her closer.

"thank you for being here," she said, pulling back.

"nowhere else i'd rather be, my love," lando whispered, before pecking her lips.

y/n moved away from him, grabbing the air conditioner remote to switch it on. lando took out a fresh set of clothes, kissed y/n on the cheek, and went in for a shower.

she watched as he closed the bathroom door behind him, and smiled at the thought that it seemed so casual for lando to know where everything was. he didn't need help from her anymore, and the domesticity of it hit y/n in the chest.

a few hours later, lando woke up in a dark room to the sound of laughter and joy coming from outside. he immediately smiled, and got up. running his hand through his hair to try and tame it, lando left the room, and was immediately greeted with bright lights, and loud, carefree chatter.

seeing him, y/n's family cheered. lando waved at everyone, smiling brighter than ever, still trying to rub sleep out of his eyes. greeting y/n's grandparents, lando leaned down and pressed his hand on their feet, and then his chest.

the grandparents patted his back, and said, "khush raho,"

lando went around the room, greeting the uncles and aunts and cousins, before he settled next to y/n, who was leaning against a cabinet, watching her family.

"we all saw the mexico race," one of y/n's uncles said.

"yeah? did you like it?" lando asked.

"oh yes. very entertaining. max races hard, no?" someone else said.

lando laughed, "yeah, he definitely does. but, its fun racing like that. that's the point of formula one,"

sounds of agreement went around the room, before they all fell into separate conversations. y/n leaned against lando and whispered, "did you sleep well?"

lando sucked in a deep breath, "yeah, i was out like a light. how long was i asleep?"

"a couple of hours,"

"why didn't you wake me up? i could've helped around somewhere,"

y/n hummed, "but you needed the sleep, so it's okay,"

lando kissed the top of her head, "thank you,"

y/n moved away from him, grabbing his hand and said, "come on, you have to get ready. we have the puja in a few minutes,"

for the first time then lando looked at what y/n was wearing. in a brand new navy blue kurta with white pattern around the neck, white wide legged pants, and a dupatta, y/n looked radiant.

"you look so beautiful," lando murmured as he wrapped his arms around her waist, still walking.

"thank you, jaan. now, come on, let go, we have to get you ready,"

"yes, let's go," lando said, as he picked up y/n from where he was holding her around her waist, making her let out a shrieking laugh that seemed to grab the attention of the family.

the two disappeared in the room, lando's foot closing the door, and y/n's voice ringing out at the last second, "take me to my closet, peasant!"

it was silent in the living room for a few seconds, the family reeling in the happiness in y/n's voice, before her grandfather spoke, "accha ladka hai. khush rakhega,"

a few minutes later, as the rest of the family were getting everything ready for the puja, y/n's room door opened, and the couple walked out. lando wore a matching coloured kurta, with white pants, and a dupatta wrapped around his neck.

he stood in front of y/n's mum, and spread out his arms, "good?"

she smiled, her ring finger collecting a little bit of her kajal from the corner of her eye, before pressing it to his temple, hiding it underneath his hair, "good,"

quickly, everyone sat down. lando sat with y/n and her cousins, who translated and explained everything that was happening in the puja, so that he didn't feel left out. he watched with great interest at every thing that was happening. he watched as at the end, everyone stood up, and y/n's mum presented the burning diya to everyone, pushing the flame towards them with her hand, and then pressing a tika on their foreheads.

y/n explained to him, that the flame the blessing of the gods and goddesses, so pushing the flame towards a person was pushing the blessings towards the person for a good, happy, successful life.

lando watched as y/n's mum made rounds, until she reached y/n and him. he watched as her mum pushed the flame towards the general direction of the two of them, instead of doing it separately, like she had done with the others.

he watched, transfixed, as her mum pressed a tika on y/n's forehead. when it was his turn, y/n gently instructed him to keep his right hand on his head, and lean down a little. lando followed the instruction, and watched as y/n's mum dipped her finger in a red powdery substance before bringing it on his forehead, where she pressed her finger. lando went cross-eyed trying to watch every second, before he closed his eyes as his vision went slightly blurry.

soon after the puja was over, the family sat together and ate. lando ate a bit of everything, drinking water every time something (everything) was spicy, as the family laughed. y/n kept her foot hooked to his the entire time, unable to look away from him.

the man had really travelled all the way in the middle of a triple header just to spend a festival with her. if that wasn't love, y/n didn't know what was.

after dinner, the cousins pulled lando out the door and to the terrace, with a bunch of firecrackers in their arms. they were all buzzing with excitement, and their excitement was contagious.

"lando, you've got a flight in the morning," y/n said an hour into the boys bursting firecrackers.

lando was currently distracted by the tall sparkles of the anar, watching it get higher and higher before it started falling. y/n and her cousins had shown lando all the different types of firecrackers there were, and the do's and don't's of it. he was mesmerised by the different shapes and colours, unable to look away.

"lando!" y/n called again, and lando startled, looking at his girlfriend.

"huh?"

her cousins laughed.

"you've got a flight in the morning, come on. you need to rest," y/n said, biting back her smile.

lando opened his mouth, closing it again as he stared at the firecracker and then back at his girlfriend, "but- the firecracker- five more minutes please!"

her cousins laughed again, and y/n smiled.

"lando norris, you have to be up early in the morning. come on!"

"please, five more minutes! i promise, i'll go to sleep as soon as i'm on the bed!" lando begged.

y/n agreed, because her boyfriend was cute, and seeing him excited about her culture always filled her chest with warmth. oh how much she loved him.

her light of life on the festival of lights.

landonorris

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, 961,503 others

landnorris happy diwali from my family to yours <3

view all 742,180 comments

yourusername i love you sm, thank you for coming

landonorris i love you more, baby

mclaren ahem ahem 👀

landonorris definitely not more than my car, dw 👀

user1 YNLANDO IS HERE OH MY GOD

user2 LANDO IN INDIA FOR DIWALI

user3 "my family to yours" 😭😭😭😭 SHE'S HIS FAMILY

user4 honestly, this is just disgusting behaviour from lando. there's a difference between culture appreciation and culture appropriation, and he's just so racist every time. like, look at what he's wearing. he clearly doesnt know what the culture is

yourusername lmao not u calling my boyfriend racist for wearing a kurta that i dressed him up in like a doll

user1 YOU GO GIRL

user2 YEAH SPEAK YOUR TRUTH QWEEN

user3 user4 no one asked you to be here

carlossainz55 this looks so fun

landonorris it is, you should join next time

user5 CARLOS HONORARY Y/L/N?????

zakbrown fun's over, come back now, its race time!

oscarpiastri hey, can you get me some of the sweets?

maxverstappen1 if you get me an entire box of sweets, i wont terrorise you on track

yourusername 🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️ ILL GET YOU A BOX, MAX, DW

🪷🫧🪞

i really loved writing this. this has two of my favourite ln x desi!reader scenes that ive ever written. the first one being when lando bends down to touch the elders' feet, and the second one when y/n's mom nazar utaros him with the kajal. they made ME feel loved somehow. anyways, i hope you enjoyed it! i tried to keep it short, but im clearly incapable of doing that! i've also got a link for my taglist, desi community and requests that you can find here! also, a huge thank you to @itsprashimusic for getting my creative juices flowing!

EDIT: I VERY MUCH INSPIRED (COPIED) Y/N’S DIWALI OUTFIT FROM MY DIWALI OUTFIT

[mayrose713]

Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 1

Series Masterlist | Next

ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI

Here's the first chapter of my ABO SKZ series. Just reminder this is both my first SKZ and ABO story. So please be kind. As of right now I don't fully have a schedule for posting, but I'll try to post as often as I can.

Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed

Chapter 1

“The family and pack will be better off without you anyways, you little bitch.” An older male alpha yells at a female omega as she runs from the house and quickly gets in her car. 

Y/n starts her car and speeds off without looking back. She wasn’t able to grab anything as she left, she barely even managed to grab her car keys and most differently didn’t have time to stop and grab her shoes having run out of the house barefoot. 

She wipes away her tears unsure where she’s even going. She’s just been kicked out of her family and pack which in reality she doesn’t care about as there was no way in hell she’d be going back willingly anyways. But she has nowhere to go and no plan of action.

Y/n drives as far as she can until the car dings at her indicating she’s moments away from running out of gas and pulls off to the side of the road in front of a park as she has no money. She takes in a deep breath before letting out a blood curdling scream and hits her steering wheel a few times, not able to hold back her tears anymore. Y/n slumps in the driver seat and cries, unable to believe what her life has come to.

This world is cruel, especially for omegas. A hundred years ago a deadly disease caused the almost extinction of omega’s. Only less than a quarter of the omega population who were immune survived and were taken and sold to hopefully produce more. Over those hundred years the omega population has risen but not enough that it became common practice that a pack would share an omega among the alphas and betas if they were lucky enough to get one. But because of the still rarity, omegas are treated as possessions and slaves to most packs, whether bought by the pack or born into it before they are sold. 

It’s uncommon for any omegas to be somewhat free and after Y/n had presented and was kept under close watch by her family and pack and kept her life more low key, all she dreamt about was being free and maybe being able to find real love, maybe even her true mated pack but as she got older she knew that’s all it was, a dream. Something she could only read about in books. The moment she presented Y/n’s family who is made up of mostly betas with a few alphas knew they had to do anything to keep her true presentation a secret. Including giving her omega suppressant injections every month that will calm her scent to almost beta like and keep her from having heats or omega tendencies. An injection that Y/n is supposed to get another dose of in a few days before her scent will start to fully normalize back to her omegas. 

A male alpha and two male betas walk through the park taking a nice stroll, the betas talking excitedly as the alpha follows behind them fondly watching his two mates. It isn’t until the betas smell a change in their alpha’s scent that they turn to see the older male had stopped a few feet back and seems tense.

“Channie hyung, what’s wrong?” Felix asks, grabbing Jisung’s hand walking back to their mate. 

“I smell an omega in distress.” Chan says while looking around the area. 

Both Jisung and Felix take in a deep breath sniffing around and they smell what their alpha is smelling. It’s faint but no doubt about it being an omega in distress which causes Jisung to whimper. Chan grabs Jisung’s hand that Felix isn’t holding onto and drags the two along while he follows the distressed scent. The closer they get the stronger the scent gets for the two betas.

“What are we gonna do when we find the omega?” Jisung asks, looking around searching for anyone who seems to be upset.

“I don’t know yet.” Chan answers as he zeros in on a car parked on the side of the road of the park noticing a crying female slumped in the driver seat and realizes that’s where the scent is coming from. “All I know is we need to help her before some ruthless alpha catches her scent and tries to do something to her.”

Chan doesn’t exactly say what it is other alphas could do to the omega not wanting to upset or scare his two betas but there isn’t a need to as they understand what he means as the alpha drags them to the parked car. Once close he lets go of Jisung’s hand, walking up to the driver window and knocks softly which causes the crying omega to jump and turn to look at him. 

Y/n stares at the alpha for a moment scared as to why he’s there and berates herself for having not smelled his presence sooner but reminds herself that her last suppressant injection is still effective for at least a few more days so he most likely isn’t knocking because of her being an omega. It’s when she sees the concerned looks of what she assumes are two omegas holding hands behind him that she finally wipes away her tears and rolls down her window a bit, only enough to be able to talk to each other through. It’s then that she realizes she assumed wrong but the two behind the alpha is for sure a beta and possibly still an omega but she’s unsure.

“Y-yes?”

“Are you okay?” He asks, resting his arm on the top of the car and leans in a bit.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” She sniffs and tries to sound convincing. “Just had a bit of a shit morning is all and I’m about to run out of gas, there’s not enough to go anywhere.”

“How can we help?” Chan taps the top of the car not fully believing the girl.

“There’s no need.” She shakes her head. “I can figure it out, don’t wanna be a bother to you guys or anything.”

Chan gives her a sad look. “It wouldn’t be a bother to us. And it isn’t safe for an omega to be out here alone like this.” Y/n tenses up at this, unsure how he knows she’s an omega, her scent should still be beta like for a few more days at least. “Is there someone in your pack we can call? Do they know you’re out here?”

Chan doesn’t miss how the girl tenses up at the mention of her presentation and how terrified she looks when he asks about contacting her pack. And that’s when he notices the bruises on her wrists that she’s hiding in her lap. Based on the lack of a matting bite on her neck Chan knew she hasn’t been sold to a pack by her family yet. But based on her condition he assumes her family pack isn’t much safer for her anyways. 

Y/n shakes her head no, looking both scared and sad. “There isn’t anyone you can call.” 

“Let us help you in some way.” Felix steps forward with a desperate look. He has this deep feeling that she belongs with them somehow and knows the other two feel it too. 

Jisung then steps forward as well. “Do you have anywhere to go?” 

Y/n hesitates as though she’s thinking about her answer before sadly shaking her head no and looks down at her lap when she notices her bruised wrist is visible to the alpha and covers it as subtly as she can. Something in her is telling her she can trust these men, that they won’t do anything to her. 

Chan notices her movement with a frown. “Why don’t you stay with us tonight? We can help you figure out what to do and where you need to go.” 

“We won’t hurt you.” Felix says. “Chan's younger brother is an omega as well as one of my sisters. We’re very protective of omegas because of it. As well as the rest of our pack, another one of our alpha’s has an omega brother. We’ll help you, I promise.” Y/n realizes then that he, who she had assumed was possibly another omega, is actually a beta who seems very omega-like.

Chan understands why she still hesitates to agree. His heart sinks when she rolls the window back up thinking she’s denying them but sighs in relief when she turns the cars engine off and unlocks the doors. He steps back a bit and opens the door for her to step out, he is shocked when he sees she’s barefoot. 

“Do you have a bag or anything we can grab from the trunk?” Jisung asks, also frowning at her being barefoot. 

“N-no.” She stutters and watches in confusion as Felix moves and crouches in front of her.

“Hop on my back, I’m not letting you walk to our car barefoot.” 

“That’s okay, I’m probably too heavy for you to carry anyways.” She starts to walk around him but the alpha stops her by grabbing her waist and hoisting her onto the beta’s back who quickly grabs her legs wrapping them around his waist as he stands and she quickly wraps her arms around his shoulders to stabilize herself.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about ‘being too heavy’?” Felix starts to walk. “I’m Felix by the way. The alpha is Chan and the other beta is Jisung.” 

“Y-Y/n.” She stutters and turns to look at Chan as she feels calm being carried on Felix’s back and actually enjoys how he smells and how safe she feels right now. “I have to ask… h-how did you know… that I’m an-an omega?” 

Chan and Jisung look at her confused and she feels Felix’s body go a bit rigid. 

“What do you mean? I can smell your omega scent. I smelled that you were distressed and followed it. I know how rough it can be for omegas in this world so I knew I needed to help.” Y/n looks at Chan shocked and confused. “Why did you think we wouldn't be able to tell that you’re an omega?”

She goes deep in thought about the situation. She knows for a fact that the injection is still effective for a few days. She gets it done on the first of every month even though the injection is effective for 35 days. And tomorrows the first of the new month, meaning she still has at least 5 days until it wears off, which she doesn’t know what will happen then as she’s never missed an injection. The only way anyone could smell her through the suppressant is if they are her fated mates. But that’s impossible right?

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this series

Tag list: @estella-novella @mbioooo0000

[bekolxeram]

Idea/prompt by @jackmichaela, from this post. This is maybe not exactly what you're asking for, but I'm not good at rewriting scenes. I'm only good at filling in blanks so... I hope you like it.

Tommy usually hates hospital visits. They’re either heart-wrenching or tedious, no in between.

This time, it’s different. Since Hen delivered good news about Denny on the group chat, everyone seems so much more at ease: Evan is not scratching his face anymore, Eddie paces down his mission to destroy the whole bowl of Halloween candies, and sergeant Grant is talking to some teenagers at the reception desk. Tommy picks up a magazine next to him, USA Today, and starts flipping through it. Though he fails to focus on the celebrity interviews or the healthy diet tips in front of him, he is simply basking in the warm familial atmosphere around him.

Then everyone’s phone dings all at once again.

He looks up to find Eddie, struggling to contain his giggle.

“What’s happening this time?” Tommy asks. He scans around and see the rest of the 118 holding in a laugh, just like Eddie. They seem to be watching something on their phone with earbuds in, a smart and considerable choice in a hospital lobby, but Tommy has no clue about the origin of their amusement.

“Oh… oh, it’s nothing. Just a funny cat video.” Evan interjects, face turning red.

“Evan?” Tommy suspects.

“You can take mine. I was there anyway, I’ve seen it all.” Eddie hands Tommy his phone, with a devilish smirk on his face. Evan shoots him a death glare in return.

On Eddie’s phone screen, Tommy sees two clips sent to the 118 group chat, both of them prominently feature Evan’s face in the thumbnail.

“Please don’t do this. I was high on medications.” Evan pleads.

“It’s okay. I swear I won’t hold your intoxicated speeches against you. I just want to be part of the gang this time.” Tommy smiles softly at his boyfriend, then kisses him on a relatively unaffected patch of skin on his cheek.

Tommy presses play.

The first clip is a shaky video of Evan in an ambulance.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” Eddie asks in the background.

“Muu-- better.” Evan slurs. “Uh, let me tell you a secret… I have a crush on someone….”

“Oh, tell me about it.” Eddie says jovially.

“He uh… tall, and hot, and big…” Evan sighs dreamily. “He’s strong, he used to be in the Army.” He points a finger at the camera.

“Well, I’m flattered, but I don’t really swing that w…”

“No! Ewww! You’re like a brother to me.”

“Ew? That’s a little harsh. I mean, I’m not that bad looking, right?”

“Naaaaaaaa? You’re attractive too? You’re just not the man of my dream.”

“And… who’s that guy exactly?” Eddie asks with a guiding question?

“It’s Tah – Tah – ”

“Tah – ?”

“Tarzan!” Evan exclaims. “He’s got big hands, big biceps the size of my head, a big heart, and… those V-shaped lines leading from his super cut abs to his giant d…” Evan is almost drooling.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough for me.” Eddie stops him before he can get too explicit with his ode.

“You’re homophobic!”

“Wait, what? You said it, I’m your brother. I just don’t want to know too much about my brother’s sex life.”

“I just spent too much time not living my life to its fullest, because of ignorant people.” Evan laments.

“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know how hard it was for y…”

“Meeeeeeeeee! I was the ignorant people… I didn’t realize how hot men were… I didn’t know how much I wanted to suck Tah...” Evan drags out his vowels, while trying to point at something in the air with his hands.

The video suddenly turns into a blur. “Alright, stop moving before you hurt yourself more.” Then it ends abruptly.

“Tarzan, huh?” Tommy turns to look at Evan. “Is that what you think of me?” Evan’s boils are as red as tomatoes by now.

“Fine! You’ve all had your fun. Now can you spare me from further embarrassment?” Evan requests, trying to hide his blushing cheeks under the collar of his jacket.

“You know very well that as a firefighter,” Chimney cuts in, “drugged up ramblings are required to be public knowledge by law. For transparency’s sake and as entertainment for other first responders,” He laughs, gesturing for Tommy to play the next clip.

The second clip starts with Evan in the hospital room.

“Tell me more about your crush, Tarzan.” Eddie demands, again, in the background.

“What? Who’s Tarzan? I said Tommy.” Evan replies, with much less slurring in his speech this time.

Eddie seems to have clocked the sedation weaning off, “Um��� You’re back with us, Buck? How’s the pain? Do you need me to call the nurse…”

“What? Are you out of your mind? It’s Tommy! Did Chili Oils wipe your memories too?” Evan furrows his brows, with a deeply confused expression. “Tommy! My husband!”

“Umm… when did you get married?” Eddie asks, just as confused.

“At Maddie’s wedding. No! Wait! We weren’t married yet. I only thought about it back then! When he came to me still in his turnouts and soot all over his face I just…” Evan says with an enamored smile. “Wait, where am I? Am I in the hospital? Why am I here?”

“I’m just gonna call the nurse…”

“I’m getting married here! Like Chimney! Eddie, you got me into some bachelor party shenanigans and I end up having to marry the love of my life here!”

“I didn’t…”

“Do I look good? No, wait, I’m naked! I need a suit!” Evan pats all over his own body with both hands.

“Stop! Don’t move your bad arm!” Eddie tries stopping him. Then the clip starts getting blurry again.

“I’m marrying Tommy with my birthday suit! Like the ancient Greek! Do I look good, Eddie? Are my pecs popping under this cover?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, now stop flailing around.” Eddie says before the video ends.

Evan puts his face into his hands, flustered and embarrassed. “You’re happy now?”

“Of course I am. That’s payback for making me listen to your graphic description of your love life under sedation.” Eddie frowns.

“Well, I think that’s very cute.” Tommy interrupts. “We’re in no hurry to get married but… I appreciate you blurting out your attraction to me, unlike our first date…”

“Shut up!” Evan hides his head on Tommy’s shoulder to avoid the inevitable teasing.

“Make me.” Tommy responds.

Evan simply looks his boyfriend deep in the eyes and kisses him, softly but deeply.

“Hi, thanks for being here. Denny’s awake, you can go see him now if you want to.” Hen comes out to update the 118 family. “Especially you, Tommy. The first thing Denny asked was for the cool pilot who’s good at painting to draw the most badass helicopter on his cast.” Hen asks Tommy, with the exhaustion and relief of a previously worrying mother in her eyes.

“Of course.” Tommy replies.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 164 thoughts

This post discusses suicide and suicidal ideation in the context of Oshi no Ko.

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 2

Bizarrely, I feel like I don't have a ton to say about this chapter. Not because stuff doesn't happen in it but because… fuck, man. What do I even say. I can't quite 100% shake my suspicion that Akasaka has some asspull up his sleeve and that Aqua might come back in style form, even if altered to the point that he isn't the Aqua we know anymore, but this chapter is clearly set up for us to think he's dead and for us to see other character's reactions to this news, so I'll talk about the text with that assumption in mind. This one will probably be kind of all over the place so bear with me ig

That being said… this is all kind of dumb as fuck, huh

Like. There's just so many insane contrivances with this setup that it's impossible for me to take it seriously. Putting aside that there's no way on planet earth Aqua's plan should have fooled anybody, why in God's name are his family and friends finding out about this from a news broadcast and not, like… Being contacted by the police?? Or at least hearing about it beforehand??

I also really don't like that we're setting up to have a whole chapter focusing on Ruby's response to all this while Aqua's Literal Mother and all his friends get like. Two panels to be shocked at the news. If the series ends without giving them all the space to grieve I think I will be legitimately really pissed off lmao

The presence of 15 Year Lie in this chapter also makes me agonizingly aware that we know basically nothing about it to this day, even though the contents of the movie are what this final arc revolves around. Aqua's plan relies on Kamiki's crimes as exposed by the movie being heinous enough that Kamiki would kill Aqua to silence them but…

WHAT FUCKING CRIMES???

The Kamiki we saw in the movie was only ever portrayed as a victim in the scenes we see. Unless the story is trying to imply that Kamiki is somehow responsible for Uehara and Airi's deaths or that 15YL makes him directly responsible for Gorou's death or - literally I have no idea what this could be referring to.

I dunno, man. It's hard for me to really want to buckle down and analyse this because so much of it feels entirely contrary to the story that came before. I've always insisted that the one thing that we could guarantee was that Aqua and Ruby would survive the series and be happy because so much emotional weight is put on Ai's wish for Aqua and Ruby to grow into adults and be happy, and it really seemed like we were building up to an ending of Aqua deciding for himself that he wants to finally live for himself, so this sudden swerve into Aqua being told by God "actually your purpose in life is to nobly commit suicide for your sister" is uh, jarring to say the least.

Part of the issue with this is that I think Akasaka doesn't think of Aqua's sacrifice as being a suicide, narratively speaking, even though Akane literally acknowledges it as such. But the thing is, Aqua's "sacrifice" is emergent from all the same things as his suicidal ideation - his belief that his life is intrinsically less valuable than everyone else's and his continued guilt and self loathing as a result of his trauma. Aqua literally says to Ruby's face in 143 that he feels guilty just for being alive and it's literally never addressed again.

So it's very difficult not to read this ending as the story approving of Aqua killing himself, but only if it's for the right reasons. Not only is that an insanely irresponsible message to put into a story as widespread and visible as OnK is right now, it's also just fucking ghoulish.

Idk. Even if Aqua lived here, I just really dislike this idea of his whole life's purpose being Narratively Affirmed as being to uplift Ruby at his own expense. Aqua is very much like Ai in that he's a person who has spent basically all of both his lives in service to other people, unable to pursue the things that he wants and that make him genuinely fulfilled - an ending that parallels Ai, where he is denied this to the extent that it kills him, is not a bad idea on paper but the execution here makes it fall apart. Like, if the framing was that Aqua and Kamiki were both unable to move on from the past to the point that it kills them, I'd vibe with that or something like it. But as is, this shit is just baffling.

It doesn't help that Aqua's death is just completely unmoored from anything the series has been setting up all this time. I've seen people defending this as being what Aqua's revenge was building up to, but this very explicitly isn't about Aqua's revenge. It's about "protecting Ruby's future", but the idea that Kamiki was a threat to Ruby specifically is something that was introduced all of four chapters ago. Even then, it's deeply undercooked. Like, what it is about Kamiki that makes him SUCH a threat to Ruby that Aqua has no choice but to take the nuclear option and kill them both? Why is this the one and only way to stop him? We don't know - we basically know nothing about Kamiki besides "he's Ai's crazy ex" which is such a massive letdown for an antagonist who's been built up for this long.

Speaking of Ai…. where the fuck is she!!!

I know this is predictable background noise from the Ai Wife Guy, but it really is baffling to me that she's such a nonfactor when the climax happening right now is her son confronting the man who killed her. At best, we get mild lipservice as to her existence but the series is so all-in on this "protecting Ruby's future" framing that Ai's absence here feels jarring. It's not just that Ai should be relevant because I like her (but I DO and she SHOULD) but because it makes for a bizarrely deflated finale. Instead of the tragedy we've been building up to avenging for over 140 chapters, Aqua's death comes as the result of a plan he came up with on the spot to deal with an ill-defined threat that only came into existence 4-6 chapters ago.

It just doesn't really feel satisfying, especially when the series has been so wishy washy when it comes to focusing on Aqua and Ruby's relationship. If the series was going to make that connection The central axis on which this climax revolves, then it needed more fleshing out than it got, regardless of if the series went the AquRuby route or not.

Two chapters left………..

[magics-neptunes-things]

Mockingjay - Part 7

Hi guys :)

I don't have anything to say for this one, just be careful about the triggers warning.

Enjoy!

TW : Death, blood, murders, face injury, injuries in general.

Chapter before

“Ona”

Ona frowns and stirs, being awakened in her sleep. She knows that voice and it’s what finally really wakes up.

Opening her eyes, she finds herself right in front of Jana. The girl is smiling, looking as peaceful and sweet as she always has been. Ona stands up abruptly, almost falling in the process.

“What are you doing here? Wait, am I dead?” she starts to panic.

Ona looks around her anxiously, trying to learn what is happening. There is nothing around them but trees. The last thing she remembers is falling asleep on the tree with Teagan next to her, when the boy assured her that he had slept enough.

“You’re not dead” Jana smiles at her.

Ona nods, still wondering what the hell is happening. But if it’s a dream, it’s the first time she dreams about Jana while being almost conscious about what is happening. Jana is still looking at her, smiling. She seems so peaceful, with her hair in the usual braid she was wearing every day. Jana doesn’t talk, she just keeps looking at Ona.

Seconds pass and it’s maybe time to say things she says while she talks to her, Ona thinks. But what to begin with?

“Jana, I’m so sorry” Ona says, taking a step to be closer to her.

“About what?”

The question seems genuine. Jana tilts her head on the side, still looking at Ona with a real query.

“For not knowing how to protect you, I guess? You were so young; it was so unfair…”

“It was” Jana smiles sadly. “I’m sorry that it made you suffer so much”

Ona shrugs, looking at her feet. Of course, she suffered from her girlfriend’s death, but she’s pretty sure she suffers very less than Jana herself. Imagine her being scared every single second is crushing her lungs. That’s why she’s trying to protect Teagan, Jana didn’t have someone to look after her when she was in that arena.

“But I’m okay now, you know. Plus, I had a happy life before all of this. I had a loving and caring family, amazing friends, and a perfect girlfriend.”

Ona smiles and raises her eyes again on her when Jana taps her feet with hers. Jana was sweet, but definitely a tease too. Something Ona loved very much.

“A lot of people from the Capitol or the career Districts don’t have that. I was lucky to have all of you.”

She seems sincere and for some reason it makes Ona feel a little lighter. Like if a weight was removed from her shoulders. Jana was right, it wasn’t maybe the perfect life, but at least they were happy.

“Why don’t you think your girlfriend hasn’t talked to you about her family yet?” Jana adds.

It catches Ona’s attention, and she feels herself blushing hard. Ona finds herself babbling about something she doesn’t understand herself, which seems to amuse Jana a lot. Seeming to take pity on Ona, Jana finally interrupted her.

“Ona I’m not mad, please breathe” the girl giggles.

Ona obliges and takes a big breath, trying to calm her nerfs.

“You’re not?” Ona whispers.

“Of course not. You deserve happiness and if it’s with her it’s okay. She seems to be a great girl.”

“You talk like we are living on a peaceful island, not a war arena” Ona points out.

“You always have been the pessimist one” Jana rolls her eyes.

Ona rolls her eyes too. Even if Jana is right, optimism was never something very strong in her personality. But given the life they had, it can be understandable can’t it?

“You can survive this, Ona. I know it.”

“How?” Ona frowns.

“You wear my necklace. I’ll protect you.”

Ona looks at Jana for some more seconds. There is so much she wants to say to Jana, but just when she opens her mouth again, she hears someone else calling her.

“Ona. Ona!”

Ona wakes up in a burst, looking around her quickly again, panting heavily. Jana isn’t here anymore, she’s back on her tree with Teagan next to her. The boy seems uncomfortable next to her, making her wonder what is happening. 

“I’m sorry, but you were whispering strange things. And I think an insect bit you.”

He points somewhere near Ona’s neck, and the girl mechanically puts her hand on it. She can feel the bite, hot under her fingers.

“What does the bite look like?” she asks Teagan.

“Like a stretched round, purple” he says, leaning a little bit to have a better look at it.

“Dreaming bees” Ona sighs. “They can cause hallucinations if they bite you. It can be very strong if the bee is adult, this one might have been a baby”

She rubs her neck softly, thinking a little more. She learned about those bees in survival classes, they are pretty hard to fight because they are hard to crush. And they usually live together, not alone.

“We probably should move from here, this bee probably isn’t alone. We can find another tree or go exploring. What do you think is better?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t go after the starting point, it’s a desert and I heard someone say that his teammates died of thirst.”

“Awful” Ona says, shivering.

If she can choose her death, she would rather it being during a fight or something. Dying from thirst or hunger must be really terrible. It made her think that she needs to fill her water again.

Teagan and Ona decided to wait until dusk before getting out of the tree, still looking around to be sure not to be bitten again.

“Did you make friends during training?” Teagan asks, when they are walking to the river.

“Friends? Not really…” Ona answers, her thoughts going to Lucy once again. “I mean, I liked Anna from the 9…”

“I saw you talking to Lucy Bronze several times too”

“When?” Ona frowns.

They haven’t talked a lot during training sessions, so she’s curious about the answer. Teagan smirks and shrugs before answering.

“In the hallways. I always found her intimidating” he admits.

“I’m sure she would love to hear that” Ona chuckles while they arrive at the river.

She then puts a finger on her lips, asking Teagan to be quiet. She remembers perfectly that Declan said that they were on the other side of the river, which means they could be everywhere. She would love to see Lucy again, but not with the risk of being killed.

Ona was filling her bottle, and Teagan was washing his hands when they heard the music announcing the deaths dashboard. Still with white pictures of the dead tributes. It’s still strange for Ona to think that those people are dead, killed by the ones still around her.

“Only two deaths” Teagan whispers. “How many people are still alive?”

Ona sits on a rock, trying to think.

“Well, us two. Tony, which makes three and the boy hunting you. And the six people of the career’s districts. I think the girls from the 12 and the 7 are still alive?”

“It makes 12 people, and we were 24 at first”

Ona nods softly. Deciding not to stay without doing anything, she starts to look around to find some fruit or something to eat. Teagan helps her, never too far from her. Ona is almost sure that he’s scared of the dark, but she decides not to tease him with that. Maybe she should reconsider her strategy and start to do her things in the daylight.

“Are those strawberries?” Teagan asks in disbelief.

Ona frowns, coming closer to have a look. She had strawberries in the Capitol for dessert from time to time. But those look a little bit smaller and different.

“I’m not sure” Ona answers. “Maybe we –“

She stops talking as soon as she hears it, but it’s too late. Someone is walking to them or running maybe. Teagan has heard them too considering his frightened face. Ona still takes Teagan to help him climb a tree, pushing his feet with both hands.

But it’s too late for her, she just has time to turn around to face the boy who was running after Teagan yesterday.

“Oh. Hi” he smirks. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one” Ona answers, standing a little straighter.

The boy arches an eyebrow and comes closer. That’s when Ona realizes that he’s holding a bloody knife. No doubt he already served. He keeps talking, but Ona doesn’t listen. She tries to think fast, asking herself what Alexia would do in this situation. She can run, she’s fast. But she knows that the boy is fast too. And strong.

She still can try to fight back, but it would probably be a very uneven fight.

Understanding that Ona isn’t listening to him anymore, the boy’s face changes and he jumps on her, taking her by surprise. Ona manages to avoid him with extreme accuracy, her reflexes still good despite the lack of sleep and food.

Ona realizes quickly that he might be stronger, but he’s slower than her. She learned during training not to be on the ground during a fight, but it looks like to her that jumping on his legs is a pretty good thing to try.

So, Ona tries, pushing with all the strength she has in her legs. It does work, the boy falls on the ground but still kicks Ona right in the face with his boots. The pain is immediate and strong, but Ona still manages to stand up. She wobbles a little, but her blurred vision allows her to realize that her opponent is trying to get back on his feet too. He seems mad with rage.

“You’re so dead” he spits.

Just when he takes a step in her direction, a noise above their head stops both of them. Ona just has the time to look up to see a big branch falling from the tree. Right on the boy’s head.

This has the merit of knocking him out half. He is lying on the ground, the branch next to him. Ona knows what to do, but it’s not easy. Her hands tremble when she grabs the branch, but her blows are sharp and precise, destined to leave no chance for the other boy. She knows she succeeded when she hears the sound of the cannon.

“Ona?”

The brunette raises her head, spotting Teagan sitting on another branch of the tree, just next to the one who fell before.

“Nice one, Kiddo” Ona says almost tiredly.

She feels… Empty. Throwing the branch a little further, she turns to the bag and the things that belonged to the boy. Next to her, Teagan jumps from the last branch, coming to have a look too.

Ona opens the bag and gets out the things that are in there. Another bottle, the knife obviously, bandages, a small landing net and a bowl. After having split the things in two, they both take a bag. Teagan insists that Ona takes the big knife.

“You should probably wash your wound, it looks painful” Teagan says.

Ona sighs but nods, getting closer to the river once again. She can’t see her face, but her left cheek is painful. She appreciates the feeling of something fresh against her face, but the pain is still here when she stands up again.

“You probably will have a black eye” Teagan informs her.

She shrugs, deciding not to pay attention to it. If this had been in everyday life, it would have probably changed. But here, she doesn’t care a bit. There’s worse. Their small chance of survival, for example.

“Should we go back to the forest?” Teagan asks.

Ona hesitates, biting her lips softly. She thought that she was safer in the forest, but she was wrong.

“Maybe we can go to the city. It might have houses a little bit more hidden than the big building I chose last time.”

With that, they start walking to go to the city. The walk seems longer to Ona, maybe because it’s during the night. Or maybe it’s because she’s still shocked by what happened. She knew that she would have to fight at some point, but Ona had not prepared herself psychologically for the feeling of killing. Despite her, his thoughts are with the family of this boy, people who loved him.

This time, they are coming from the other side and Ona sees small houses on a little hill. Which is perfect to see someone coming, if she doesn’t fall asleep of course. She wonders if she could fall asleep if she lays down somewhere. Probably.

They walk in silence and after having looked around to be sure that they were alone, Ona and Teagan chose a small light blue house. The windows are almost all closed with wooden panels, but some holes inside allow them to be able to observe around.

The sun is lighting the sky when Teagan calls her, standing in front of the windows.

“Look at the lake” he points.

Ona looks and frowns. There is effectively a lake here, one she hasn’t seen when she was in the city before. But what is strange is that the water is glowing.

“We’ll avoid going to go swimming there, I think” Ona smiles softly before turning in Tegan’s direction. “You must sleep a little. I’ll keep an eye on the area during this time.”

Teagan doesn’t wait before accepting Ona’s offer. He finds a spot on the wooden floor and lies on the blanket they have recovered from their adventures. In two minutes, he is out of the world and Ona can only see once again how young he is.

Ona sighs softly and sits on a cupboard, offering her a view around them. Everything seems so calm and peaceful, as if they aren’t in the middle of an arena. She froze suddenly when she heard something, like a wolf’s cry. But even if she looks everywhere, she can’t find anything.

Her thoughts go to Lucy again and she can’t help but wonder where she is right now. None of her teammates are dead for now and it looks like they are sticking together for now. Is she still on the other side of the river? If Ona was alone, maybe she would try to find her. Just to see her one last time before something bad happened to her. Ona knows she can’t win here, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to try. And she won’t give up either.

Her hand is stroking Jana’s pendant once again. She feels sad not to be able to talk to Lucy. She would like to talk to her about her dream with Jana, because even if it was a dream, Ona has the impression that it’s exactly what Jana would have said.

And to be honest, Ona wasn’t expecting that missing Lucy would be the hardest point of all this game.

Just when she wanted to look around the house a little more, she sees a little group of people walking in the direction of the lake. Frowning, she come closer to the window, trying to see who it is. It’s not Lucy, she knows it. But it looks like to her that it’s Declan with one of the twins and the girl Lucy wanted to kill when they were in the building the other day.

“What are they doing here?” she mumbles, coming closer.

Being careful not to be seen, Ona comes as close as possible to the windows. Now, the lake seems normal, it’s not glowing anymore. Ona frowns softly when she realizes that. Teagan wakes up while the trio is looking at the lake, talking and gesturing around.

Until both girls suddenly come closer to Declan while he’s looking at something on the shores of the lake. They push the poor boy, not giving him any chance to escape a fall in the lake.

An awful scream is heard just before silence. And the cannon.

“Did they… Did they just kill him?” Teagan mumbles, eyes wide.

Ona passes her tongue nervously on her lower lip before answering.

“It looks like it”

She’s scared. Not of those two girls, but she’s scared for Lucy. If they aren’t scared of killing Declan like this, what can they do to Lucy? She feels her head sting at the idea of something bad happening to the girl she loves.

“Wait, what is this?” Ona frowns.

There is something coming from the lake, like a fog floating in the air. It’s pale yellow and it looks like the girls saw it too. She hears Lilith screaming when the fog hits her, and that scream raises Ona’s hair on her head.

They take their bags and run outside, leaving as fast as possible. Looks like she always returns to the woods, Ona thinks. She grabs Teagan’s hand to make him run faster. When she turns around, she realizes that the city is now completely inside the yellow fog, and it makes her shiver.

They never heard about something like this during the trainings or the survival courses. Or at least Ona can’t remember it.

“What was that?” Teagan asks, out of breath, when they finally stop their run.

“I don’t know” Ona answers.

She opens her bag to grab her bottle of water and drink, relieved that they chose the river to have some water and not the lake.

“It looked like chemical smoke or something” Teagan mumbles.

“Yeah”

Scary as hell. She froze suddenly when she hears the cannon once again, looking around her as if she would have the name of the person who just died. But she knows she won’t, she will have to wait tonight. Was it Lucy? Can they betray her too?

“What are we doing now?” Teagan asks.

Ona thinks for some seconds, biting her lips. She wants to find Lucy now more than ever, but she knows it’s probably taking Teagan right to the death with her.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to go there” she says, pointing to an area where she never went before. “I think I heard wolves from here.”

“Maybe” Teagan mumbles. “There is snow there”

Ona shivers at the idea. She has never seen snow before, but she’s not sure that she wants to see some in those conditions.

“First, I think we need to find out if the smog is still moving forward or not” Ona decides. “Then we will see.”

When Teagan nods, Ona helps him to go in one tree while she climbs another one. She goes as high as possible, wanting to have the best view possible. Ona needs several minutes to be high enough and have an open view. She can see the fog, but it seems still next to the city. She waits a little bit though, just to be sure.

“It’s okay, it’s not moving anymore” she says to Teagan when she reaches his high again.

The boy seems relieved about this information. Maybe they should go hiding somewhere else, but for once, Ona is tired. Mentally and physically. She doesn’t know where Lucy is, whether she’s safe or if she’s in danger.

“Who do you think will win the Games?”

Ona frowns at Teagan’s question. It’s a good one to be honest. It’s easier to answer now that a lot of them are already dead.

“I think… Lucy Bronze could be a good winner” Ona says slowly. “I mean, her brother already won and she’s strong”

“I would rather for her to win. Not Seth or someone else”

Ona nods only. If she could choose someone to win, she would choose Lucy, of course. While they were talking, Ona hears the same noise she heard the first day, when she was inside the building. Knowing what it is, she looks around to find the small metal box, smiling when she spots it.

When she opens it, she finds a small glass container.

“The message says it’s for your injury on your face” Teagan reads.

Ona looks at it and realizes that it isn’t the same handwriting as that day. The message isn’t from Alexia, which means that some sponsor made the choice to send her something to help her heal her injury.

Opening the container carefully, she finds an orange cream, smelling pretty good to be honest. She uses the mirror inside the box to put the cream at the right place. She grimaces when she sees her face. The cut seems deep, and her eye is swollen. The cream is cold, which alone is really appreciative.

Minutes after, they hear the song announcing the pictures of dead tributes. She frowns when she sees that Lilith is dead, apparently the fog was murderous. But that means that Lucy is still alive, and Ona can breathe again. Declan and Teagan’s chaser are also shown.

“So, still 9 people alive” Teagan breathes. “The two from the 1, Seth, Lucy, us, the girl from the 7 and the one from the 12. Do you think they are together?”

“I hope for them” Ona sighs. “Being alone must be terrifying.”

“Yeah… About that, I wanted to th –“ Teagan begins.

“Don’t’” Ona shakes her head. “No need to thank me. Plus, you saved my life earlier too. We are okay.”

It seems to reassure Teagan, who smiles proudly. It makes Ona smile back and the girl realizes that she hasn’t smiled a lot in this arena. Which is probably normal, though.

“So we’re teammates?” the young boy asks.

“We are” she smirks, before raising her fist for him to punch it.

Then they fall into silence, Ona closing her eyes for some seconds to try to rest a little. Her face hurts and she’s trying very hard not to touch her eyes.

“Can I ask you something?” Teagan asks, several minutes after.

Ona hums for only an answer, not opening her eyes for now. She doesn’t know why, but she has the feeling that the question has been in the boy’s mind for some time now.

“Why aren’t you fighting with Tony? I mean he’s strong and from what I heard; he was one of your brother’s friends? When you saved me the other day, I was waiting for you to tell me that you want to find him or something.”

Ona opens her eyes softly and looks at the boy, thinking of the best way to answer this question. She knows that now they are not as much as the beginning, there are a lot of risks that they are filmed. And she doesn’t want to make any problem for her family if Tony’s family sees this. Or Tony himself, if he wins this.

“I think we don't have the same view of things. It was obvious during the training already. He didn’t want to take our mentor’s opinions and advice. I did and I still do. Alexia told me to run away at the beginning and gave me some advice about how to survive in this based on my strengths. It worked pretty well for now. Plus, seeing we were separated at the beginning of the Games and our paths never crossed, I think it’s just fate.”

He nods thoughtfully, seeming to think about what Ona just answered him. She doesn’t want to say that she hates his behavior and that she’s still mad about the fact that he deprived her to spend more nights with Lucy to look at the stars.

“I’m glad. We would probably never have been teammates otherwise.”

“I’m glad too in that case” Ona grins.

Next Chapter (Coming soon)

[littlerocks]

This episode I LOVED it, everything in general, with hen and karen rescuing their son to the dynamic of the trio eddie, buck and tommy, and buck and tommy's relationship and them teasing buck ahhaha

About how eddie found an ally to tease buck and his bizarre theories about curses even though in the end Tommy being the good boyfriend that he is will do anything to make buck happy even dressing up and going to the cemetery where billy boils is and talking to him

Thinking back the only time we've seen tommy dressed not in his usual shirts is either at the promotion in 7x09 or at a mock funeral, this man is hopelessly in love with his Evan

Anyway the friendship between eddie and tommy and buck together I love them, how nobody feels awkward and it's a beautiful thing this thing and this dynamic of friendship between the three of them

And here's a sequence of buck and tommy and in addition Eddie, THE TRIO

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Tommy's worried look when he sees Buck in pain, what a puppy Tommy is who would like to take all that suffering away from Buck.

This episode makes it clear how much they love each other and are there for each other, although we haven't heard the “I love you” yet, but I know we will soon.

That touch to buck's leg, as if the touching him was to see that he actually is okay and at the same time comforts buck, but in my opinion also he that touch was to say that buck is alive and he is okay

Tommy “everyone at harbor station was…” ready to laugh

Evan: angry face

Tommy “ concerned” stops smiling

Eddie laughing meanwhile

We already know that eddie doesn't believe in such things and laughs as buck thought he at least had tommy on his side and then you see him laughing it off

I love the three of them

The look on tommy's and eddie's faces that blatantly are doing their best to believe everything buck says and then not resist anymore

The look between tommy and eddie and like when you're in a serious moment and you don't have to look at your best friend or you start laughing, that's tommy and eddie

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This succession of scenes of Tommy taking care of Buck so casually, as if it's already a thing that happens in their daily life and it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, because of how cute they are - This scene is so intimate and it's so natural especially with Buck that you see him so quiet, I like this, even though you don't see so many scenes in the everyday life between Tommy and Buck, these scenes make it clear that they are thriving more and more

“how's that?” in that tone of voice, in that voice so sweet, I don't know how buck didn't melt in that instant, I would have died there in that moemnto

Of course we know that buck told him to sleep on the bed and instead no tommy even though he knows that he will sleep not well on that couch, especially after an exasperating shift, he stays there sleeping on the couch even though he may not be able, perhaps, to rest well, but he does it anyway in order to be next to buck and to be near him for whatever buck needs

How tommy takes care of buck, in such a natural way, with gestures full of love

And in all this Tommy surely woke up before Buck to prepare them breakfast, tell me if they don't look like a married couple, because they are, and how Tommy likes Buck and how he takes care of him and stays there listening to everything Buck says, without it being forced but on the contrary, and something so normal and intimate

seeing tommy's reaction, reminded me of tommy with maurice, a panicked tommy AHAHAHHA,

"Evan dont' freak out" he was obviously saying it more to himself, than to buck - like "I must not panic, Evan needs me, I can't run away now, first let's call eddie and let him do all the work" HAHAHA

Tommy “It was super gross.”

Evan “So I am gross”

Tommy “That's not what I said”.

HOW CAN I NOT LOVE THEM, then with that little voice of Tommy when he says that, as if to say “ honey I love you so much, I could never tell you that you are gross, and if you were then you would be my gross”

When Buck said “so I'm disgusting,” I don't know why but his face made me think of this image.

POV Evan after Tommy called his cousin super gross so now he thinks he is too.

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I love this scene, eddie getting scared

It literally makes me think about the difference between tommy and eddie with buck in this state, but in a positive sense I mean: tommy as a boyfriend regardless of how buck is, he loves him anyway and doesn't care about those boils on his face, while eddie as a best friend doesn't give a damn about this thing and gets scared of buck in that state, it makes me laugh because that's exactly what a best friend would do

Eddie saying that he has to see it from the other side, that he doesn't need to wear a mask for Halloween this year, MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WOULD TELL MY BEST FRIEND IF SHE WAS IN THIS STATE, LIKE WHO CARES ABOUT HER FEELINGS, I HAVE TO SAY IT

I LOVE EDDIE

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More moments of tommy best boyfriend

"stop picking", again with that sweet voice, while he tells to buck, and gives them the coffee, more in love and married than this, the wedding is missing and we're fine

This along with 7x04 where Tommy says he was jealous because he wanted to be part of 118 and because they were like a family, and in 7x10 where he says he doesn't talk to his father and has a bad relationship with him and also with this scene it makes you understand how much Tommy's past is a tortuous past and maybe he never had a person who took care of him, and this makes you understand HOW MUCH I NEED TO SEE AN EPISODE OF TOMMY BEGINS

However, I would like to see a scene where we see Tommy having a bad day and if before he had no one to take care of him, or who was just with him, now he has Buck, Eddie and the whole 118 and he understands that he is no longer alone but has a family that is there for him.

YOUR HONOR, THEY ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER

TOMMY LOOKING AT HIM WITH THAT LOVED LOOK, HE SEES EVAN, HE DOESN'T SEE THOSE BOILS ON HIS FACE OR HE DOESN'T CARE A DAMN ABOUT THOSE THINGS, BUCK WOULD BE LIKE THIS FOREVER, AND TOMMY WOULD ALWAYS BE IN LOVE WITH HIM

BUT WHO LOOKS AT YOU WITH THAT LOVED LOOK WHILE YOU'RE TALKING TO A GRAVE TO WICK A CURSE AWAY, AND ALSO DRESSED IN AN ELEGANT WAY

It's obvious if eddie had been there too, he would have said after seeing buck and tommy dressed elegantly tpo "you're both idiots, but it's clear that you're made for each other", and then continued telling tommy "finally you too who indulges all his weirdness and I'm not the only one, welcome to the club" I WOULD HAVE CRIED IF A SCENE LIKE THAT HAD HAPPENED

"tommy is not in love with buck, he doesn't care about him"

always tommy when he looks at buck:

Tommy even if he doesn't believe it tries anyway and asks Billy Boils to stop being angry with his boyfriend and to stop the curse - that look at the end is like a warning "dear Billy, whoever you are, if you hurt my Evan again, I'll kill you again"

THIS RUN TO GET TO BUCK, HOW CUTE

HE CALLED HIM "MY BOYFRIEND" I REPEAT SHE CALLED HIM "MY BOYFRIEND", THIS IS NOT AN EXERCISE

"My boyfriend doesn't even kiss me"

"that's not true"

And that little smile from Evan, pleased that Tommy always kisses him even with boils on his face

Like Buck says it to make Billy feel sorry, like look what you did, my boyfriend doesn't kiss me, even if it's a lie, then Tommy denies it and Buck laughs because he knows this thing isn't true

This episode is one of my favorites about buck and tommy, not only does buck call tommy "my boyfriend" but he also says that the people around us make life worth living, WHILE HE'S LOOKING AT TOMMY, BRO IF AFTER THIS YOU DON'T SEE HOW MADLY IN LOVE THEY ARE WITH EACH OTHER I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT, LITERALLY THIS IS ENDGAME (I HOPE SO)

This episode made me think of the episode when buck meets mitchell and thomas and told him that you don't find love but you build it, AND BUCK IS BUILDING IT WITH TOMMY

I'M CRYING

[beauty-and-passion]

also yes i think you should talk about dipcifica i love the old man yaoi as much as the next guy but i also will always crave this kind of "coming of age" love story

Glad to comply! Here are my points about why Dipcifica is canon and endgame and everything:

1) Dipper and Pacifica are a walking "enemies to friends to lovers" trope. It literally started with Dipper saying to her face he doesn't like her, what's more clichè than that? When he said it, all I could hear was "We will definitely become a thing in the future".

And guess what? After a while, Dipper changed his mind: now he doesn't think Pacifica is the worst anymore. The next step is admitting she's great, asking her out and becoming a couple.

2) "Northwest Mansion Mystery" is basically a huge Dipcifica manifesto, thanks to the introduction of more tropes like:

the characters are put into nice suits

Pacifica fixes Dipper's clothes like a good wife

these two share an adventure together - which is universally something that would strengthen the bond between two people

their daring escape ends with a hug, given out of a sincere emotional reaction

the hug is followed by some cute awkwardness (especially from Pacifica's side)

Dipper and Pacifica share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her insecurities, something we can be 99% sure she doesn't usually do. Also because... with whom can she share them? Her parents? Her supposed friends?

Dipper changes his mind about Pacifica after understanding her a bit more (which is always the interlude for the development of romantic feelings)

Pacifica finds the strength to do the right thing, only after Dipper sacrifices himself

the episode ends with them having fun together, laughing and enjoying their time. Also, it's implied they probably spent some time after the party to clean up the mess they made - so who knows? Maybe they shared some more time together and talked a lot more.

I mean... I've seen love stories start with less than that.

3) Dipper and Pacifica have another adventure together in Lost Legends. The formula is similar to Northwest Mansion Mystery: Pacifica has an issue (caused by her shitty parents), Dipper doesn't understand what her problem is, they share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her weakness, Dipper tells all the right things, they hug, Pacifica does the right thing.

This is another way to reconfirm what the episode in the series already told us: these two have chemistry. They are meant to be. They are a walking enemies to friends to lovers trope - with a side dish of "slow burn" too. And we all love slow-burn stories <3

But this adventure shows us something else: how things have changed since Northwest Mansion Mystery and especially how Dipper's attitude has evolved towards Pacifica. In the episode, he is still very wary of her and makes it clear multiple times that he dislikes her.

Now he says this:

This is basically the Dipcifica equivalent of "I once considered him the center of my life, the sun in my galaxy", only with less toxic old men yaoi and more wholesomeness

it shows how Dipper's attitude is more mature

it implies he can and will develop romantic feelings for her. I mean, look at it: "I've noticed another side of you", "I see the real one and you're more than a pretty face"... gosh, if Pacifica hadn't fallen in love before, she definitely did after that.

it also shows Dipper's growth regarding women: my boy went from making huge, complex plans to talk to them, to lying to get random girls, to saying the truth in such a smooth way. He's great with girls when he doesn't try, he makes me so proud <3

4) Now I know what you think: great points, Bea, but does this couple have Mabel's approval stamp? Billford got it with Mabel calling Bill a clingy ex and telling him to get a crush on someone else's Grunkle. Does Dipcifica have Mabel's approval?

The answer is yes:

Do I have to say anything else? I think Mabel already said anything. Dipper and Pacifica are. A. Thing.

And yes, I know what you might say: they are kids! Sure they are, but that doesn't mean there can't be anything in the future. There is time for them to grow and for these feelings to develop. What we saw in the series and in Lost Legends are the crumbs, the foundation of something bigger that can evolve in the future.

And this is a great foundation because it's plausible and stable. Dipper and Pacifica's interactions never sound forced or out of character: on the contrary, they are built in a way that conciliates both personalities and justifies their changes and evolution.

If we can easily imagine a future for them, it's because their change is organic, it works in the long run - Pacifica can easily become better and better, while she works out her issue and shows the beautiful person she is. And Dipper can easily become more and more aware of what a great girl she is and start to develop deeper feelings for her. It's not impossible to imagine. It works.

And yes, this proves again how well Hirsch developed Gravity Falls and its characters, if we can easily imagine a future for them just out of a few, well-built interactions.

[nausicaamusiclover20]

Kirk x reader about to get married (black album era) but he gets second thoughts a week before cause his previous marriage (to Rebecca) was a bust? So he cancels everything and then the reader finds out she’s devastated and she leaves him? But guys from Metallica talk some senses into him so he plans another ceremony??

Hope you like it❤

Bound in love

The week before our wedding should have been the happiest time of my life. Every detail was set: the flowers, the vows, even a special song Kirk had composed just for the ceremony. But then, just days before everything was meant to happen, something changed. At first, it was little things—he’d get this faraway look in his eyes, or he’d go quiet right in the middle of a conversation. I tried brushing it off as nerves, telling myself that it was natural to feel anxious before such a big commitment. But it wasn’t just nerves. I felt him pulling away, bit by bit, and it terrified me.

One evening, he finally pulled me aside, his expression somber, eyes avoiding mine. “I… I don’t think I can do this,” he whispered, voice barely a murmur. I blinked, feeling like the floor had just dropped out from under me.

“Kirk,” I said slowly, reaching for his hand, “what are you saying?”

He took a shaky breath, his gaze somewhere over my shoulder. “This… marriage. I thought I could handle it, thought I was ready. But I can’t shake this feeling that I’m making a mistake. My last marriage… it was such a mess. I promised myself I wouldn’t go through that again.”

My heart clenched, and I fought to keep my voice steady. “I’m not her, Kirk. I’m not Rebecca. We’re not them. We’ve been through so much together. You know I love you, and I thought… I thought you loved me too.”

He flinched at my words, but the silence that followed was enough to tell me that he was already drifting too far away. I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I grabbed my things and left, not wanting him to see how broken I felt. That night, I booked a ticket out of town and shut myself off from everything, ignoring texts and calls from mutual friends. I couldn’t face anyone, not with my heart in pieces.

For days, I wandered in a haze, barely eating, barely sleeping. I couldn’t believe that after everything we’d shared, he’d just thrown it all away. We’d had our ups and downs, sure, but I thought we’d make it. I thought we’d get our happily ever after.

Meanwhile, as I learned later, Kirk wasn’t handling things any better. The guys could see it right away; he showed up to rehearsal looking like a shell of himself. He was distracted, fingers fumbling over the frets, missing notes he’d played flawlessly a thousand times. Lars finally stopped the session, fixing him with a glare.

“Kirk, what the hell is going on with you, man? You’re a mess,” Lars said bluntly, crossing his arms.

Kirk sighed, dropping his guitar and rubbing his temples. “I called off the wedding,” he admitted, voice hollow. The words hit his friends hard, even if they tried to keep their expressions neutral.

James leaned forward, eyes searching his face. “Why? You were so happy about this just a week ago. You and her—anyone could see you’re meant for each other.”

Kirk swallowed, unable to meet their eyes. “I… I panicked. Rebecca and I… we thought we’d make it too, and that went up in flames. I just… didn’t want to put her through that if it wasn’t going to work.”

Lars sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Listen, man. Every one of us has messed up. But do you think backing out is going to make it easier on her? On you?” His voice softened, and Kirk could feel the weight of the words.

Jason chimed in too, his tone more gentle. “Kirk, you’ve been through a lot, but she’s not Rebecca, and you’re not the same person you were back then. You’re throwing away something real here. And let’s be real—do you really want to live without her?”

That question hit him hard. He thought of the life they’d planned, the dreams they’d shared, the little moments that had made everything feel so right. The truth was, he’d been terrified of repeating his past mistakes, but losing her was even more frightening. He realized then that he couldn’t just let her go.

So, with the help of the guys, Kirk spent the next few days planning something special. He poured himself into every detail, making sure this was something she’d never forget. He couldn’t undo the pain he’d caused, but he was determined to make it right.

A few days later, I got a letter from him. It was just a simple note, but my hands trembled as I read it. “Meet me at our spot tonight. I can’t let you go without trying.”

My heart ached reading those words, torn between hope and the fear of being hurt all over again. But, against my better judgment, I went. When I arrived at our spot—a quiet clearing lit with twinkling lights strung through the trees—I saw him standing there, nervously fidgeting with his hands, looking up the moment he saw me.

The setting took my breath away. There were flowers, delicate arrangements on every surface, a small, intimate setup for just us. It was like he’d planned an entire new ceremony, just for me.

He walked up, taking my hands in his, his touch warm and steady. “I was a fool,” he said softly, his voice trembling. “I was scared. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes, but walking away from you was the biggest mistake of all. I love you, and I don’t want to live a single day without you.”

I looked at him, feeling my walls start to crack. “Kirk, I was so ready to build a life with you. You broke my heart when you walked away like that.”

His eyes filled with regret as he tightened his grip on my hands. “I know. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it if you’ll let me. I can’t promise we won’t have tough times, but I can promise I’ll be here. I won’t run again. I’m all in.”

In that moment, everything I’d been holding back—the pain, the love, the hope—all came rushing to the surface. I knew he was flawed, that we both were. But I also knew this was real, and it was worth the risk.

He pulled me close, resting his forehead against mine as he whispered, “Will you marry me, right here, right now?”

Tears filled my eyes as I whispered back, “Yes. Yes, a thousand times, yes.”

And as he kissed me under those lights, I felt like we’d finally found our beginning—the start of a life we were both ready to fight for.

[dubina-dawkins]

PHONE-CALL

Sam Winchester x Reader

5,4k words

>Sam is feeling pretty bad. So, he's calling you, because he needs comfort, and seeks it in the sound of your voice through his Nokia's lousy speakers.

WARNING: hurt/comfort, angsty, beginning of season 3, mentions of canon deaths, oh god give sam some comfort, no usage of y/n, friendzone, gender neutral reader

It was getting harder and harder. Sam was having a hard time coping, to be honest. coping. With everything around him. Too much had happened in the last few years. Jessica had died; he still blamed himself for it. His father died, so many people died on hunts, all because of him. He was also the reason the gates of Hell had opened... Even Dean had sacrificed himself for him, selling his soul in exchange for Sam's life.

He felt too much guilt about it all, about everything.

And he needed... someone, to be honest. He was sitting on a decrepit motel bed, staring at the ceiling. Dean wasn't here, he was-- Basically enjoying the rest of his sold-out life. After a successful case, he decided not to care too much about the amount of drinking, eating, and women in bed. But so far, there were no women in the motel that night... And that was the moment he remembered about you.

You were...either a partner or an apprentice to one of Dean's exes, who was also a hunter. Only two years younger than Sam, and yet so adept at putting silver daggers into vampire necks-hell, you were as skilled a hunter as he was, as Dean was, and as your...partner? Mentor? It didn't matter now, it didn't matter at all.

All that mattered was how he opened up to you. Maybe for the first time since Jess died. No kissing, no nights in the same bed, not even in the same room. Just quiet embraces, with your fingers scratching his soft curls, running through them, tugging them back in a gentle manner. And his big hands pressed against your thighs, not intimate enough to ruin your exceptionally friendly relationship, but strong enough to express the way his thoughts went to bad places-not in a dirty way, but rather...in a sad way. When his thoughts became too self-indulgent, Sam needed your company, the feel of your body close by so he could draw lazy and uneven patterns with his fingers. God, he was a professional artist, if that's what we're talking about.

And now Sam felt impossibly anxious. Bad thoughts appeared in his wounded brain at an incredibly vivid rate. And you weren't around, not for a long time. You'd been keeping Jo company for some time now, leaving your mentor (partner??) to become the one to teach Jo more than what she already knew and could do. And as luck would have it, now that there was danger everywhere, demons...you were very, very far away from him.

His long fingers frantically pick up the phone from the nightstand, quickly scrolling down to find the contact with your name on it. He presses the contact, and for a couple seconds Sam just...stares at the screen. Maybe he shouldn't have called you. He didn't want to bother, didn't want anyone else to worry about him, but ... His fingers were functioning faster than the neurons in his brain.

"Hey...? Hey, hi, it's...it's Sam," he says quietly, almost fearfully, when the agonizing beeps end and you finally pick up the phone. But your voice is much more positive than his, louder, you're clearly glad to finally hear him!

"You didn't have to introduce yourself, handsome, do you really think I didn't put your number in my contacts?" Your voice is as teasing as ever, his favorite trait about you, one of his thousand favorites. And besides that tease-the chuckle after the answer, God, the feeling from that sound alone was bohemian. Sam felt the blood rush to his cheeks, and yet he continued. "Huh, just...just to make sure. I, uh...don't think, just wanted to hear from you, just-"

"Sam, don't languish. Spit it out, I can hear you're feeling awful" You grin, but your voice isn't so teasing anymore. Your tone is more gentle, more serious. Sam even thought-just thought-there were even such cooing, loving notes in your voice that his head was starting to spin from the fuzziness.

Sam stutters, his fingers trying to find some physical substitute for you, but the starched sheets are too rough against your skin. He speaks slowly, anxiously. That Sam was disturbed by the deaths around him, you knew perfectly well, and you knew that the hunters didn't really see Sam as someone they could trust - and that was another reason for his anxiety, that he could feel the stares in the crowd and expect that now he'd be tied to a chair again, and he and Dean would have no more guaranteed luck to get out. And yet, you listened, now and then, in the pauses of his story, whispering stupidly pleasant things into the tube. "Everything will be fine"; "everything will work out"; "I'll be there for you, if not physically, then mentally, that's for sure." The only thing missing from that boring line of reassurances (which, in those gentle whispers, still made Sam feel a little better) was the famous three words. But Sam stopped himself - you were friends. Friends, friends... Just friends.

"You're so good to me," his tone is soft, just above a whisper.

"Always welcome, love," and your playful use of the nickname squeezes the last of his strength out of him to keep from admitting his shameful feelings.

"You know, I...I think I might-" Sam's words are abruptly cut short as the key turns in the motel door with a loud click. The creak of the door swinging open,a woman's drunken laughter and the smug flirtation of that gravelly voice. Sam clearly should have taken a walk while Dean...did his investigating.

"You might what?"

"Later. See you later." Sam quickly drops the call with you, getting out of bed and tentatively walking past his brother, who barely noticed him. But before he walks out, he hesitantly squeezes the phone in his hands, squints and tosses it on the bed. To hell with it.

A/N: first oneshot there yay. love sammy wanna give him all the hugs indaworld

[bluemoondelight]

So, as promised (original post here), here'a little makeup scene that I wrote as a potential ending for my WIP, but it didn't really fit with the rest of the story so I thought I'd post it here as a standalone.

For some context, I thought it would be a really cute idea for Wade to use Mary as a proxy to talk to Logan after a big fight. Logan, of course being the way that he is, moved out because he thought it was over between the two of them but Wade just couldn't stay away. And being the way that he is, can't just own up to his feelings either. Enjoy!

~*~

Logan went to answer the knock on the door, swearing under his breath that if it’s that damn neighbor again–

As he opened it, he felt the wind knock out of him at the sight of Wade holding Mary Puppins. He was prepared to possibly never see him again, to spend the rest of eternity wishing things would have turned out differently, but here he was. God, he looked like shit. He had on his oversized pullover hoodie, baggy black sweatpants, and his blue crocs, which Logan knew meant he had been living in them for a while.

“What are you doing here?” Logan asked, his voice going hoarse.

They stared at each other for a long moment, before Wade lifted up Mary Puppins. “Mary wanted to see her mama again.”

Logan’s eyebrow quirked. “Really?”

Wade looked down and swallowed before he spoke again. “Yeah. She can’t really sleep anymore without her mama there and she’s been crying a bunch because she misses her so much. She wouldn’t have come but Al threatened to shank her and kick her out if she didn’t come and see Mama.”

Logan crossed his arms, keeping his face schooled into a hard scowl. “But Mama thought that Mary didn’t want him–her there anymore. That she was going to be with her old mama and be happy with her.”

Wade steeled himself against Logan’s skeptical gaze. “Well, like Mary told Mama before, Mary still loves her old mama very much and always will, but she was just a friend helping Mary because Mama was being a stoic douchebag who wouldn’t talk to Mary and Mary was going fucking insane. Besides…there’s only one Mama in Mary’s life. And she really wishes that her mama will come home and stay like she promised to.”

“What about her papa?”

Wade's jaw clenched, and tears started welling in his beautiful brown eyes. “Papa thinks that Mary was so fucked up because…why would somebody as hot as Mama want something as fugly as Mary.” Wade gestured with her in his arms. “I mean look at her, she looks like an elephant’s vulva that needs a serious Brazilian wax. Mama could have literally anybody, what would she want with Mary?”

Logan felt tears pricking his own eyes. “Mama wants Mary because she’s the best fucking thing to ever happen to her. Because as fugly as Mary thinks she looks on the outside, Mama feels just as fugly on the inside, and Mary made her believe that she was more than what Mama thought she was.” Logan stepped across the threshold, closer to Wade. “Because Mary is the most beautiful thing Mama’s ever seen, inside and out. And Mama would give anything to make Mary see that.”

Logan let the tears fall down as he cupped Wade’s face. “And Mama would really like to stop talking about Mary right now so that she can kiss her handsome papa, and tell him how sorry she is and how much she loves him.”

Wade sniffed and chuckled, “Well, Papa hasn’t brushed his teeth in three weeks so maybe Mama shouldn’t–” Logan grabbed the back of Wade’s head and smashed their lips together to shut him up, and for good measure, shoved his tongue in to lick the inside of Wade’s mouth. Mary became worked up by all the emotions, and excitedly licked their chins as they kissed.

The two of them walked back to Wade’s apartment, holding hands as the orangey glow of evening slipped into lavender dusk. When they walked in, Al called out to the both of them as she was sitting on the couch watching Family Feud, “About damn time you two got your shit together. Couldn’t take another day of Wade’s moping and bitching around the damn apartment.”

“Thank you, Al. Now if you’ll excuse us, we want to have very loud, very messy makeup sex so if you can please fuck off to your room now, that’d be great.”

Al got up yelling in disgust, “Uh-uh! Don’t you dare get jizz on this couch or I swear to God I’m cutting both your dicks off!”

“No promises! And take Mary with you, we need to preserve her innocence!”

Al puttered off to her bedroom, patting her leg for Mary to follow, “C’mon Mary. I mean it you two! I feel one ounce of dried spunk on that upholstery and your ass is grass!”

Once Al closed the door, Wade and Logan looked at each other, unsure of themselves. The words that they flung at each other hung in the air, echoing in both their minds.

"Um," Wade whispered. "I didn't get to say it before but I'm sorry, too."

Logan huffed and wrapped his arms around Wade's shoulders, pulling him in a soft embrace. "You don't have to apologize, sweetheart. I was the one being a dick and keeping my bullshit to myself. I should've talked to you." He buried his nose in Wade's neck, breathing in his scent deeply. "God, I missed you."

Wade kissed the side of Logan's head. "I missed you, too, peanut." He sighed as he ran his hands around Logan's waist, down his back, then grabbed two handfuls of Logan's ass. "Now that that's out of the way, how about we get it on like two jackrabbits on ketamine?"

Logan laughed as he pulled away and smacked Wade's ass, "After you."

[hiskillingjar]

Voyeurism (Lawrence)

if i’ve gotten anything from this round of kinktober, it’s a real appreciation for lawrence. they might have gone up to my second favourite (sorry ren). also read the piano teacher.

day 27: voyeurism first person, from law’s pov.

I usually saw teenagers come into the forest.

The impulse was understandable. It was an easy place to hide from the prying eyes of society, after all, an easy place to get lost in. Covered by the canopy of branches and leaves, where any rustling can be mistaken for the skittish nature of woodland creatures, people could get away with an awful lot.

I usually saw teenagers. Rarely did I ever see adults.

But that's what I see tonight. 

I was just leaving my alcove, my sanctuary of rot, when I saw a couple, a man and a woman (it was rarely anything else, in spite of what popular culture attempted to suggest), stomping through the brush, hand in hand.

Well, hand in wrist was a more approriate descriptor.

I kept still on my own, beaten path, pressing myself against a tree to hide even more, watching as the man dragged the woman deeper.

I don't believe that I witnessed a rape, despite the force of his grip. 

I knew what those tended to look like, thanks to all of the edgy websites I visited as a teenager. I knew what so often preceeded the deaths that I was actually looking for, especially when the victim (nameless on some of the seedier sites, the ‘reputable’ ones tended to list who the person was) was a pretty, young woman surrounded by men. 

Some people say those kinds of videos make you lose your sense of disgust and compassion for other people. And while I'm sure that was the case for many others, I don't think it was the case for me.

If anything, my outright disgust made me recognise those things more clearly when I saw them in real life.

And this wasn't disgusting.

The woman tried to pull from the man's tight grip, her legs trembling from the cold of the evening, but the coy murmurs of "no, come on, not here, let's go back to the care" indicated that she had opposition to fucking out in the open, and not to fucking in general.

"Not in the car," He said, pulling her deeper (close to where I kept my cages, it would be so inconvenient if they stumbled across them). "Your husband could find something there."

"So, I'll clean it," She replied, pulling back entirely. "I don't want to fuck in the forest. It’s not romantic. What if we do it in animal shit, or something?"

I barely held back a scoff, rolling my eyes with a barely audible huff instead.

It was probably quite naive of her to be concerned about dirt and filth (the natural things of this world, more natural than human beings, certainly), as opposed to any dangerous people who might be listening in on their conversation (like me, for example), but that's just what people were like, I found.

So many people prefered to think that they would be smart enough to avoid outright violence, that they would make the right decisions as opposed to anyone else who would be foolish enough to make the wrong ones, than understand the reality of pure, random acts of violence happening to anyone.

They were selfish, in that way.

"Why can't we go to a hotel?" She asked, holding herself tight. It was a cold night, she's right to. 

"I can't afford a hotel this short notice," He murmured with a roll of his eyes, taking a step closer towards her. "And...I don't want to wait to get there, anyway. I want to fuck you now."

"Richard," She looked away, but I could tell that she appreciated his dirty talk, that she didn’t get it at home from her husband anymore, that ‘Richard’ made her feel special, sexy, wanted.

He sank down to his knees in front of her and pushed up her pencil skirt, the material bunching up around her thighs, as he kissed the front of her pantyhose.

If she didn't want to be on the ground, he would be, just for her.

She curled both hands into his hair and he pulled down her tights and panties, revealing a thick bush of pubic hair that he nestled his face against, like he was returning home.

I'm not aroused by any of this, even if my cock is reacting, twitching in my dirty sweatpants.

That was just the nature of being human. Bodily reactions that I couldn't control and didn't care for.

But just because I wasn't aroused, didn't mean that I wasn't interested in what was happening.

Sex was interesting, occasionally even very interesting, though I had next to no interest in doing it myself.

Thinking about sex made me feel hollow, like something had been carved out of me, like someone took a shovel and dug out all my insides. I know there's nothing in there, but I'm still too nervous to open myself up and check. 

But watching it was something else entirely. 

It was almost like watching those old videos, like watching death, gore, car accidents, or surgical procedures. 

Red tongues grazing over wet, pink flesh, sopping holes being penetrated by fingers, tongues, hard cocks, over and over again. Kissing, touching, making love, fucking. 

All so visceral and unclean, and yet, people craved it so much that it could drive them crazy.

Maybe they craved connection, more than anything.

People who didn’t connect tended to go crazy, after all.

She was moaning and gasping, loud enough for anyone else to hear her (if someone else but me was peeping on them), bucking her hips against his face and his probing tongue roughly, like a marionette without any strings to keep her stable. His hand was climbing up her inner thighs, carressing soft flesh, feeling her touch, feeling her.

I idly licked my lips, another pulse of involuntary arousal rushing to my cock, moving a little closer against the tree concealing me from the pair of lovers.

"Richard," She said sharply, looking in my direction (but not seeing me, nobody ever sees me and that's the way I like it.)  "S-Stop it, I can hear something."

"Huh?" He breathed, pulling away from her wet cunt, his face glistening in the low light of the mood above him, and looking my way too. "Come on, it’s nothing. It was probably just a bunny rabbit or something."

It might have been, if I hadn't killed another one tonight.

"This place is creepy," She complained, but didn't stop him from returning to his task, nuzzling against her pubic hair again. "Feels like I'm being watched...mh."

"Don’t be so paranoid. Nobody’s watching you, but me.," He offered with a titter, before pressing his fingers inside of her and smoothing his tongue over her folds. "Mmmhh...but hey, maybe you like being watched. You’re wet enough that it feels that way."

I hoped they liked being watched.

For my sake, and for theirs.