#so i havent looked at my phone since
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I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation
#vark posts#dont rb#all i did was ask my dad and my sister if they wanted to play mc and an hour later i get some half assed 'idk'#ik that might not seem like much but this happens everytime i make some attempt to spend time with them#whatever i suggest is never good enough and i'm lucky if i even get texted first#they never personally inv me over and everytime ive pointed it out theyve spun it around on me#they even go so far as to ignore me and put me down in person#maybe its time i go low contact#i so badly want things to go back to how they used to be but nothin good is gonna come out of putting myself in this situation over and ove#i responded to the idk text with 'you can just say no. its not that big a deal' and ik thats gonna piss my dad off#so i havent looked at my phone since#nothin like family trauma to make me use desktop tumblr lol#sorry to vent this like all happened at most 10 mins since posting this#and im very hurt#anyways fuck them check out the shit i did today#i took out the trash + worked out + did the dishes + started a russian study journal#+ cleaned and disinfected 1 of 4 cobweb and spider covered chairs so now we have a chair for the dining table!#cleaned the chair outside on my apts front porch while it was raining so it was actually pretty nice and peacful#wasnt playin any music or anything just listening to the rain and letting myself get swept up in chair cleaning lmao#im a bad bitch as soon as im left home alone all day
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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new leaf dropped
#warrior cats#leafpool#looked at my phone and the colours look more bright than what i wanted. but whatever i cant be bothered to change lmao#wahhhh. i dont like it but i havent posted art in a while so :P#making her chubby like her dad <3#shes my fav meow meow i need to draw her all the time#wc has never been the same since she died#its always been downhill but its gotten even more downhill
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going back to my roots by making a dream demon sona. but this time i purposefully made him a narrative foil to bill bc why not <3
[image description: a page of drawings of a gravity falls dream demon oc named hodge podge. hodge podge is a circular dream demon with a gold and aquamarine yin yang-like pattern, with each half having one eye. the gold half has a rectangular eye with a pentagon-shaped pupil, and the aqua half has a circular eye with an apple-shaped pupil. he has dark pink stick limbs and a white and aqua jester hat floating off of his head. he also has gloves, jester shoes, and a glowing aqua magic wand shaped like the hand of eris. also on the page is a comic of hodge podge and bill cipher, where hodge is saying "mad that i can experience childlike wonder?" and bill responding "could you please die." around the comic are notes that say "they have the most obnoxious philosophical debates known to man" and "aroace on aroace violence". the final part of the page is a redraw of the "i'm you from the future" meme, where on the left are older versions of the artist's gravity falls ocs and on the left is the same drawing repeated three times in a row of hodge. end id]
#this is one of the most self indulgent things ive done in a while#genuinely surprised at how much i remember my old dream demon designs#wild knowing that like. none of you knew who i was back then. messed up#anyways i made him discordian themed bc i thought that would be a fun opposite for bills illuminati theming <3 also bc it was fun to do#would you break it in half like a cookie yes or no. vote now on ur phones#doc talks#my art#my characters#gravity falls#gravity falls oc#bill cipher#dream demon#god do you guys even call them dream demons anymore. i havent drawn stuff like this since 2017 so idk#i guess if were looking at actual bill lore theyd probably be flatlanders#whatever its fine <3
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this is officially worse than when i had e.coli i can definitely say that now
#emeto n illness etc its pretty gnarly and i dont have a filter so read at your own risk#its been 3 fucking days of barely sleeping and having that sleep interrupted by severe abdominal pain and vomiting#and then during the day i feel almost normal again! and then right before i go to bed the pain comes back and then im just up all night#this is the fourth day of work ive fucking missed this week and i literally want to jump off a cliff#this is worse than my ulcers its worse than e.coli and i havent slept since i woke up at 11:30pm. and its 8am.#ive been shaking and vomiting all night and im soo so tired. i need this to stop. the pain definitely got to like an 8 last night#and all i could do was lay on the couch and just writhe and whine because i literally cannot keep anything down!!#not even my.sleep meds that i unsuccessfully tried to take twice and threw them up both times#my whole body is pins and needles from fevers or chills or sleep deprivation i dont rly know or care#this is the first time in 8+ hrs ive been able to look at my phone without the nausea worsening tenfold so im dropping all of this#and if you think all of this feels bad physically! wait till you hear how it feels emotionally and mentally!
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LOL We totally are "touching souls" haha that is such a cute pic tooo! i remember having a lot of fun going through the bible and getting really invested in religion and the more esoteric stuff in it a looong time ago, its cool seeing you enjoy it and stuff
also lmao, what do you think my soul looks like??
ok i might be way off but this is my rendition of ur soul bestie
automatcially made it an animal thing sorry the furryism rules my life
#based off the limited amount i know ab u#might as well my art tag smirk emoji smirk emoji#also i havent looked at this on my phoen and my computer colors r fucked so#this might look entireldy different on my phone#my art#doodlings#OH YEAH AB THE BIBLE STUFF i haven’t read it since i was like experiencing#that sweet sweet all too common religious trauma as a baby#and it was like a children’s golden bible#AND IT FEELS GOOD TO READ ON MY OWN ACCORD IDK ITS LIKE FREEING#let’s get together r bible study bestie (flirting)#JK or am i#hiii
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thamks
you after i free you from the tetrisphere
#ask#anon#im not sure what the thanks is for without assuming it to be like ''thanks. for those tags.''#anyway youre welcome? youre free from the tetrisphere now. find and enjoy life. out from the egg made of tetronimoes youve hatched from.#or whatever.#im still recovering from that nap#its fucked. i nap on my bed sometimes if i havent had enough sleep earlier in the day. and instead of using the bed normally#my ass just sleeps at the end. watching my moavies (youtube streams)#like a dog#ended up having to wake myself up cause i had my legs rested over a nearby table cause the width of the bed is not very wide#and my body feels so good when i wake up. scrunched up and shit. i feel So normal#anyway tetrisphere is a game i got long ago that. i dont know from where.#i either got it from a yard sale. or ebay. but im leaning towards yard sale. since it was around the same time i got hey you pikachu#also did you know the mic quality for hey you pikachus microphone is actually pretty decent#anyway i dont remember a lot about tetrisphere beyond you picking a robot to play as. and you drop tetrominoes onto a fucking ball#i completely forgot you freed a thing from within#as for why this was the first thing i used to reply to the ask. anytime i get an ask im not sure how to respond to. i look through my phone#and. this tetrisphere image made me laugh seeing it back when i first downloaded it#i think i had more i wanted to say but im at a loss for words now that im looking at this image again#its so beautiful and hes so free#that is how baby birds leave the egg. but opposite. they do it from the inside. instead of needing tetrominoes to open the egg.#can you tell im still not fully recovered from my fuckim nap#anyway thanks for the ask anon. i think!
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I JUST REALIZED if we see maria and/or gerald in sonic x shadow generations that means HUMANS IN A SONIC GAME AGAIN
#I WAS GOING TO BED AND THEN THIS THOUGHT CAME TO ME AND I BOLTED UPRIGHT#i was literally just thinking earlier about how they arent any humans in idw and because maria/gerald/etc havent been referenced in idw#they havent depicted any humans which lines up with no humans in the games since. unleashed im pretty sure#(this is all not count eggman obviously LOL)#we've gotten to see humans in recent sonic channel art which has been really cool#seeing people like maria or ESPECIALLY elise but drawn more stylistically fitting has been rlly cool#but that makes me wonder - how will maria look if we see her??? like i assume all cutscenes will be in#3D so that means we'll get a brand new maria model for the first time since. shadow the fucking hedgehog#holyyyyy fucking shit. i didnt even process the implications until just now THIS COULD GENUINELY BE CRAZY#shadows campaign out here just casually redefining norms for recent sonic media#serena.txt#sorry its 1am and im typing this on my phone i already see so many typos 😭
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#they fucked up our tickets to the hozier concert tomorrow!!!!#literally we had them yesterday and overnight they just disappeared!!!!!#my gf spent all day on the phone with the convoluted chain of ticket providers who bought from each other and the venue#and not One could give a straight answer why they just disappeared today >:((#we're getting a refund but we wanted to go!!!!!#i havent gone out to An Event in so long!!!!#and it was hozier!!! my beloved!!!!#so now im ready to commit arson :(#maybe it sounds silly but we got these tickets in march and ive been looking forward to it since then :((((#rose rambles#vent
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omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby
#looking to register bc i havent had a hearing checkup in like. 4-5 years lol#im supposed to have repeats every 2-3 years but my old audio dept is on the other side of the country....#and my hearing loss has been stable since i was 2 yrs old so its not super urgent to keep track of..#but ive had my current hearing aids for over 6 years now i think which is the average lifespan. and they still work fine#but i really should be taking them in to adjust every six months n get new moulds fitted regularly....... oops#i do replace the tubing but yeah im way behind on maintenance#and considering i wear them like 50 hours a week n im kinda dependent on them at work i need to keep on top of it more#ALSO what i reaaaaally want is ones that have bluetooth connectivity bc when i last got mine that tech wasnt widely available#but now i think theyre nhs standard. so fingers crossed i can upgrade plsss i wanna be able to use them for phone calls n music!!!#i can make a good case for it if needed cuz i need to use headphones at work sometimes#actually might be able to get an access to work grant for bonus hearing aid equipment..... i should look into that#i was skeptical for ages bc i had a VERY old roger mic as a kid which was effectively a box on a lanyard i had to give to ppl#it was clunky as shit and had awful sound quality i gave up using it after a year or two#but now they have very sleek n subtle ones n the tech has improved so much like it filters bg noise n can connect to tvs n shit#so would be really useful in meetings or when im like. at a restaurant or somewhere w a lot of bg noise....#ahhhh itll take time to get everything sorted tho. need to start w just getting this audiology referral in place#ill swing by the gp practice after work tmr and ask for an appointment for that#need to get dressed and leave the flat.... but i dont want to 😔#in a bit....#.diaries
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So I drew cyrus in one of his outfits from TACO salad!! A amazing fic by Lady_Sandry on ao3. Some close ups under the read more and notes in the tags!
#octopath traveler 1#octopath traveler#cyrus albright#okay Now i can ramble#So. first off i honestly dont think i did a great job making him look like cyrus. i do struggle to transfer characters into my style without#lowkey redesigning (the curse of rarely doing fanart and being a character designer)#constructive criticism welcome btw!!#but some general design notes!!#i wanted to add purple into his color scheme because its simply a color i associate with him (to me Therion is light purples and cyrus is#dark purples)#despite his actual color being black. i just dont like using black unless im doing like blank and white w pops of colors#same thing with white. i normally use off whites.#about his eyes!! they are grey in the fic so here i gave him very grey light purple eyes (for previously mentioned reasons of not liking#black and white)#and!! to represent his magic are the blue yellow and red eye shines. red being the main one since its mentioned he was naturally inclined#towards it in the fic#i used paper and pencil (overlined w a blue pen) then took a picture and drew atop that in ibis paint (great option if you only have a phone#btw.)#also i havent drawn since. literally my last post#so im Rusty#getting back into it yippie<3
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having adhd will make you not have the energy to do shit like cooking and cleaning and general Things You Need To Do To Live but WILL make you have extreme motivation to make a transcript of all dialogue of a 100+ episode 90s anime, take a million screenshots, rip models from a ps2 game of the anime when you have no experience with doing that, so not only you can use them but also all of this can be available online for peoples easy access. just because the anime is your fucking hyperfixation
#yes this is about yyh no i havent actually gone through all this yet#ive made. PROGRESS on the model thing but since my old tablet died i havent gotten back on it#id need to reinstall the emulator and figure out what all i was doing again n shit#and all the screenshots i took of the anime before arent of the best quality bc they were done on my phone from funimations site#BUT NOW I HAVE THE BOX SET and so its soooo fucking crisp and clean and beautiful i wanna screenshot it all soooo bad#but to rip the frames (instead of taking screenshots thatd be resizing the pics based on the screen being used)#id need a blu ray disc reader thatd let me rip data. and idk what to look for for a good one that allows that and isnt super expensive...#and i cant find a transcript online of the dialogue but i think itd be really useful for being able to quickly check back on what was said#like for fic writing n stuff#and can do word searches n stuff through the whole thing#u hyperfixate on a 90s anime and see theres things missing about it online and go ''is anybody gonna fix that'' and not wait for an answer
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Being the only millennial in a work environment full of boomers means my boss is constantly trying to shove control of the company's social media accounts to me. Every day I have to look her in the face and say shit like "What's a TicTok?" or "Wasn't Twitter shut down?"
#my little white lie is that i had controlling parents and didnt have a phone until college#plus my fb is public but all my photos and posts have been private since i graduated#so if they try and look me up they see that i havent touch my fb since highschool
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*breathes deeply* My brainrot is so out of control at this stage, I cannot draw fast enough to keep up with my own demands lmao so I would like to know; would any of you also be interested in reading some fics about Ruza/her time in the hunt/her relationship with both Arianna and Adella etc. If I actually wrote and posted them? As like supplementary material to Altar and future comics especially. There is a whole series of moments that leads to where Altar started, so 👀
#sin speaking#(i havent writ fanfic since i was a teenager 5000000 years ago. but i never stopped writing in general. i just did it for rp instead LOL)#(but now i am 👌 this close to opening google docs at any given moment friends. THIS close.)#(my phones note app is just stuffed with scripts rn. most of them about ruza and arianna if that surprises literally anyone LOL)#(yes i AM being affronted by my own ship that i didnt even mean to ship but got infected with so bad it keeps me up at night.)#(i mean. im glad about it tho im having so much fun here lscldllffl)#(itd also be a nice way for me to expound on ruza as a character more hrrrmmmm)#(so yeah lmao if u would be down to read about my ruzianna brainrot as much as look at art of it 😂 let me Know.........)#(well. my ruza brainrot in general tbh too akdkslldls)
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Last night my mom was like okay tomorrow let's spend the day looking into the state health insurance stuff together and I was like okay great! I'll enroll in the work one and we will see if the state options are any good. I Can dream about doing The Artist Thing and not just continue to try to do the Normal (aka Neurotypical) Thing of a normal Job when my brain isn't good at that and it leads to embarrassing meltdowns and lots of stress for me.
And today.... she apparently asked dad to start working on it with me but I didn't come down for breakfast till 11 at which pt he started working on the easel he's actually decided to Make me for my birthday gift (crazy man! Looks at the ones in stores and looks at plans and decides he can do better and just goes and starts!), and he didn't mention anything to me before that, and she was at services this morning and then got some groceries and got home at like almost 1, had a snack? Lunch? And was like I'm gonna just sit down for a bit and then we can do that, but I started reading and just realized it's almost 2 so went to talk to her and she's napping. So. Idefk. I'm disappointed.
#also trying to explain that like. i have been masking a lot since i was young. so i seem 'high functioning' or 'low support needs' but that#doesnt mean NO support needs and Also ive been struggling more and more the older i get with everything#I'm realizing i will continue to need more support than someone else might think i would and#people simultaneously insult and attempt to compliment me abt it#like steph telling me i should move out and be independent meanwhile i struggle with making phone calls. i paid for driving lessons 2 yrs#ago and still havent called them back to schedule the damn lessons!#bc the mix of adhd and tism means i Cant Do It#i can look up stuff abt the health insurance on my own but I'm likely to just get overwhelmed and minimize the page and do nothing with it#i have meltdowns at work due to a mix of rsd and stress and frustration.#I'm struggling and need help but its help an almost 30 yr old 'shouldnt' need help with. and my over-60 retired parents 'shouldnt' be th#the support system for an almost 30 yr old who is so 'functional' like. I'm a gremlin that can pretend to be a person a lot of the time#and if not them then who? if i moved out how would i manage? between anxiety and adhd and depression and autism.#i already forgot to order my meds in time once! i forgot to delay an autoship and ended up with too many boxes of cat litter! i havent been#able to call the driving school back abt scheduling lessons after 2 yrs! i cant get myself to enroll in the health insurance!#i cant BE independent and i dont necessarily want to be about half the time but then i feel self conscious and ashamed and uncomfortable bc#I'm 30 and i dont ACT like it#and 'well youre not as bad as so in sos son who Cant hold a job' like. ma. I only got my job bc i was lucky.#bc i responded to tbe survey when i failed the little test in the application and someone read my response and decided to give me a call#bc nino was a good dude and the corporate bs hadnt gotten so bad at wfm.#and then my current position was also luck (or unlucky) bc diana left and they had no one else for the role and i was into the flowers and#helped out big time on making a display and on supporting floral etc before she left after a big holiday#and they were like so imran said u did a good job w that so would u be interested in the job?#i wish id said no but then i wouldve gone for supervisor which i also wouldnt have had fun with#like are there good things i got out of my job? if course. i did grow! i did learn a lot! but I'm not Good At It. is really hard on my rsd#to fail or feel like i fail repeatedly. and the stress is bad for me and I dont wsnt them to fire me over something stupid#and j hate the corporatism and the leadership#bc this type of job COULD bc good. i could do it. with a lot more support and a bigger team than they think i need#anyway.#i just... want something different.#i cant think of any traditional job where it wouldnt be the same shit
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birthday doodle dump
#bonk.png#undescribed#<- its like almost 1 am as i type this tag im not adding ids to them atm#first image was drawn literally as i was turning 19 to pass time n to lament that i cant go to lesbian bars yet#second image is from september i drew the red doodles when i first downloaded the app im now using on my phone#n the first one i drew there was two match melodys (the one with a square head n line on her face) the second og match doodle is covered by#cordelia cause she is what the text says (cause i just drew her shape n then didnt draw on clothes cause my battery was low)#then theres a raz doodle my psn oc aster (still havent fully worked out her design) another match melody n then kucumber (green haired girl)#who is also the first doodle in the third image so nice i drew her twice anyway most of the doodles on the third image are cause#i was feeling nostalgic n looking through my deviantart gallary (i dont remember my password n its been years since i used it)#so theres kucumber willow (the two red doodles one of which is mostly covered up) n then redraws OF redraws#first is doggirl i redrew her more based off of her og design than her first redesign cause i liked the colors there more#the green horse is sour tart whos a redesign of one of my very first ocs (og name lightening heart. she was a nothing burger. sad ✌️)#n then ''cordelia'' again the second horse is positioned there cause i didnt like the rest of the doodle n then i remembered that i could#just delete the lower half so i did that 👍👍#second horse is speckled sweets they n sour tart are besties and are also both next gen fcs 😭 sour tart's parents are undecided atm#but shes an apple n speckled sweets is the kiddo of pinkie n sunburst (pinkie n cheese have an ever expanding polycule for design fun)#fourth image has mallow (cat girl also from my deviant) drew her entirely from memory so her design n colors are slightly off#nervous girl who is just a half redraw of a character i made in the pastel friends(?) app#and neptune whos from like a half story i made back in like 2020? n its like one of my older stories that i look back at n makes me go#''hey. whats ur problem??'' while still mostly remembering what i was thinking making it cause it wasnt that long ago#so! neptune's story thing is like a weird supernatural phenomenon happens while shes driving n causes her to crash#n once she wakes up shes like invisible to everyone n is confused as hell cause when she walks to get help (cause her phone was broken in th#crash n she has no noticeable injuries) no one responds to her cause yknow invisible until one person does who is. her psychic ex she had a#falling out with. not great but saturn is the only person who can see her n unintentionally causes neptune to freak out cause oh shit only#SATURN who is a PSYCHIC can see me rn am i dead?? but no shes fine neptune is just like halfway between the human plane n ghost(?) plane#they have like a weird thing going on cause neptune is stuck at their house n theres no solution to neptune's situation#cause saturn is like the weakest of the psychics in their family n the rest of their family is off all over the place dealing with the#varying fallout of the phenomenon that caused neptune's situation (she was the only one who got like halfwayies)#so saturn n neptune are stuck together alone waiting for one of saturn's family members to come home
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