#so i really have no explanation for that fear

[archangeldyke-all]

Reader who crochets? And she makes these special sweaters with the left sleeve cut out for Sev’s arm?? Omg

-🥨

ANON did u see logan @sevikasenby 's crochet tapestry of our wife!?!?? THE TALENT IS BEYOND

men and minors dni

there's a superstition in the knitting/crocheting community called 'the sweater curse.' the idea is basically that when you hand make a prospective romantic partner a sweater, you doom the relationship to fail.

you've read countless horror stories on crocheting forums about relationships going up in flames once a sweater is gifted.

'she called the sweater ugly after i spent a month on it.'

'he thought a hand-made sweater was too intimate and i was moving too fast.'

'they left with no explanation the same day i bought the yarn for their sweater.'

you've seen it all.

you know that the curse is something to fear. and you really don't want to lose sevika. but she's stubborn.

sevika thinks the fact that you crochet is so. fucking. cool.

most people think it's a grandma hobby.

sevika thinks it's the most impressive thing in the world. you can make anything. she's watched you knit blankets, sweaters, tops and socks. little stuffies for the neighbor kid next door, hats for your friends' birthdays. mug cozies, coasters, pillow cases and dog clothes-- she's seen you make it all.

and she's dying to have you make her something.

"don't you love me?" sevika whines one night as she cuddles in bed beside you while you crochet a scarf.

"can't stand you, actually." you grunt, already knowing what she's about to bother you about. she huffs.

"you don't understand baby. i was sooo cold at work today-- freezing, really-- and it's not like i can go buy a sweater 'cause of my ar--"

"you're so fucking annoying." you groan. sevika chuckles.

"is it so bad to want to show off my baby's work?" she asks. you huff, shaking your head.

"it is when it means we'll break up!"

she wears you down over time.

you start crocheting her little things, wanting her to feel loved but not wanting to subject the two of you to the curse.

you crochet her a little keychain charm on your anniversary; a hat for winter solstice. in the spring, you make her a few new scrunchies for her half-ponytails.

for her birthday, you give her the first big crochet project you've made for her: a purple poncho in a thick, warm yarn, perfect for the colder windy days when her thin red poncho isn't enough.

she cries when you show it to her. (she nearly gets heat stroke a week later when she tries to wear her new winter poncho on a blazing hot day.)

when you propose to her (kneeling in front of her where she sits on the couch kissing her hands, metal and flesh alike, as you bat your eyelashes at her,) sevika doesn't even let you finish the question before she's pulling you off the ground and into her lap, kissing you breathless, and pulling away with a sob. "yes!"

"you didn't even let me ask!" you laugh. sevika kisses you again.

"you have to crochet me a sweater now. make it white, i'll wear it to our wedding." she cries.

you don't do that. (though you do crochet the neck tie she wears on your big day.)

you wait until you've been married for a year, until you're settled in married life and comfortable, until sevika's not expecting it anymore.

and then, on the night of your first wedding anniversary, you give sevika her first sweater.

it's the most intricate thing you've ever made. the cable crochet pattern you used was complex and time consuming, but it looks fucking gorgeous. beautiful royal purple-- her favorite color-- her exact measurements, and sleevless on the left side.

sevika wears the sweater everywhere. all the time. whenever she can.

you only planned on making her the one, but her reaction (and the wear and tear the sweater receives from being worn by the scary woman of zaun) inspires you.

you knit her a new sweater, every year, for the rest of your lives.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette @ellieslob

[millilps]

fuck it, we ball clown

so. Susan. Susan Triad. it was all a set up to trap the Doctor. all the mentions of Susan (Foreman) were just to give context to the new viewers. but you know what's interesting here? family.

"wtf are you talking about are you high or something" no no bear with me I actually have a point it's not just pure clowning. well, it is, but I swear I'm trying my best here to make it make sense

it's a long post so buckle up clowns we're going all in with this one

so, I was saying, if you think about it a lot of episodes in this season are more or less centered around or connected to the idea of family in some way:

Space Babies: I mean. yeah. it doesn't really need an explanation. and also the whole thing of being abandoned just like Ruby

The Devil's Chord: we know Maestro is part of the Toymaker's family, and technically also the kid we see at the start? I think? are there theories about that kid? is he just a normal kid and then became somehow the harbinger of Maestro?

Boom: the concept of family literally saves everyone

73 Yards: well, Ruby's family is present in the episode, but also it's interesting how Ruby's fears play out in the episode which is directly interlocked with her birth mother abandoning her, it's kinda there but not as central or as explored as other episodes

Dot and Bubble: it's... a bit more subtle. it's there, kinda. we do have the whole thing of all the people in Finetime being part of rich families, and we also see Lindy's mom, so it's better than nothing

Rogue: I actually don't know. the family of Chuldurs? the marriage proposal? I have absolutely no idea but I also feel like it's there somewhere

The Legend of Ruby Sunday/Empire of Death: I probably don't have to say much as they are the episodes that actually dive in Ruby's story and the mystery around her birth, but yeah the family theme is obviously there

with the season following this theme, more or less, Susan was an obvious choice.

think about it: the Doctor has lost so many people he cared about that Sutekh pretty much could use every name ever. obviously they also had to explain regeneration to new viewers (hi, new viewers! hope you're enjoying the show!) so the list had to be shortened to only characters who are time lords or have the ability to regenerate, add a bit of "the Doctor regretting his past choices" and you get Susan. and this is tied directly with the theme of family, because she is the Doctor's family, technically the only gallifreyan family member we know about (Jenny, River, the Ponds and probably more that I'm forgetting/don't know about are also family, but in a different way) and also we have no informations whatsoever about her - sure, we have Big Finish, but it's kinda... not exactly canon, I guess? idk. nothing is canon and everything is canon at the same time in this show, you just have to live with it. still, she's one of the biggest mysteries of this show, because while other characters came back or were mentioned with information about them and/or their lives either in the expanded universe that is more strongly influenced by the show (yes I'm looking at Barbara and Ian's wedding in the 50th anniversary DMW that I can't find anywhere, idc what anyone says but that IS canon) or in the actual show at some point, she has never officially returned, and the Doctor has never officially gone back to meet her (sure, we have the story Fellow Traveller in the book Adventures in Lockdown, but it's probably not canon anymore at this point - although, it could be, if we clown enough). and with all the things about family in the season, obviously she had to be the key.

Ruby's family story is concluded: she found her birth mother, she also found her father, and now she has an amazing big loving family. but you know which one isn't? the Doctor's. we've met his adoptive mother, sure, but we know the Doctor had kids, we know Susan exists, and we know she's family to him.

she's out there somewhere. I know. she must be. she could've been mentioned in a lot of different episodes, a lot of different points, a lot of different stories, but she wasn't.

so why all these mentions all of a sudden? honestly I have absolutely no idea, I'm not RTD, I'm just a clown doing clown things, and the clown things on today's list is making theories about how Susan might come back

[katerinaptrv]

Joe's Internal Struggle - Ep 9 Analysis (MingJoe bias because i am a believer)

Well, this was definitely the most emotional episode so far, yeah, seeing and burying your original body is enough to destabilize everyone. We all can see and understand this, so I will focus on his internal struggle towards Ming after the event.

First, in his funeral he sees that Ming does feel guilty, and sees his grief indicating for Joe he does feel something for him.

Sol, “he only feels guilty” explanation is like a new fear unlocked moment for Joe, to doubt Ming’s real motivations and his love, and make him hesitant about what he wants to be true.

Ok, to finish the funeral we have the confrontation, Joe confronts Ming, but he never really gets violent with him, just pushes him around a little screaming at him.

I found this fact interesting no matter what Ming does (kidnapping and at all), Joe has never once punched him or hurt him in any physical way. We all know how understandable we would be if he did, Ming certainly did enough for us to find it justified, but Joe never does it.

And this is why I personally think he gets really frustrated when Sol does it, I don't think he likes it at all when his friend does this. It certainly does not have the effect Sol hopes it does. He actually gets mad, for me, his head is like “I am the one in this shit with him doing all of this, i don’t punch him, what do fuck you think you are doing it?”. I always imagine him screaming this at Sol in his head.

Anyway going back, Ming does his usual manipulation/forceful/selfish plan to get what he wants, that right now is confirmation that new Joe is actually old Joe.

And Joe falls for it of course, but we have some important clues of his internal conflict here, first the mugs.

He gets to them and stops, not knowing if he takes them with him or leaves them, it symbolizes his current conflict with Ming when he does not know to give him a chance or leave him for good.

Before he makes the choice, this is important guys, I will come back to this later. Ming shows up revealing his master evil plan, and trying to make amends.

And Joe throws at him his major insecurity, and his major problem with Ming in general:

“If i told you, you would make me Tong’s replacement for the rest of my life.”

Now, again, let’s take a minute to analyze this, this is his first real confrontation with Ming since his death. He abandoned the cover of not being him and confronted him. But Joe does not say “you ruined my life”, “you were the reason i am dead” and etc. And when he quotes those he says "you wouldn't be thinking of Tong when you did".

For Joe is not what he did, is why he did it (very unhealthy way of thinking, but is how he thinks about it).

He points Ming greatest sin towards him in his POV and it is you never loved me back.

And Ming begins his path of atonement, and Joe hears for the first time saying he loves him, that he missed him all along.

Then, of course Sol comes in, punches Ming and drags Joe away.

Drags, Joe still paralyzed by the last piece of information he receives, and when he starts to react again is to call for Ming.

Then he stops at the bottom of the stairs facing his internal conflict again about what he wants and what he is afraid to want.

And Sol throws his fears at him to convince him to not go back, that was what he really wanted to do.

Now, we have a new morning in his house. Joe has been kinda on the funk(completely understandable and relatable), then after his mother awakes him, the other woman comes to say: “Someone is here for you”. And we see the expectative and hope in Joe’s face, and it all falls when he sees Sol. Because that is not who he really wanted to be looking for him or see.

And of course, he loves Sol as a friend/brother and he is happy that he cares, but is not the same for him.

We have the press conference, with Ming being his usual manipulative/forceful self which only deepens Joe’s fears and pushes him away. Because in his POV for him is like saying he didn’t change, he is still the same, i was only fooling myself.

Then Sol goes violent with Ming again (must be a new record) and I only want to comment on Joe's reaction. Because yes, he is saying for him to stop because of the press and etc.

But he steps in to push him away, but stays with Ming, and not to restrain him, but to check on him.

And in the end we have the very awaited conversation (with wrong backs crush and all) with them washing their dirty laundry right in front of poor secretary Jim salad (let's hope for a bonus from Mike for him, that man suffers).

And for me the decisive moment is when Joe asks for Ming to let go, and he does for a few seconds (was it like 5? not much) and he goes after him again,

And that is the conflict that will endure at least one more episode, Joe has all the information now, but Ming does not let him have space to choose. And he needs to have it, to think about it all, feel what he truly feels and if go back this time to be by his choice. He wants to go back by choice not because Ming forced him.

Now quoting our canonically successful unbalanced toxic ship, VegasPete needed to be separated, Pete needed to come back to his life without Vegas and be given the choice to let him go, what he was (even with the very final possibility, because KP). And then he chooses, he got everything he had without him, and saw it was empty for him now, so he makes his choice to be with Vegas.

MINOR BOOK SPOILERS AND THEORIES FOR NEXT EPISODES:

In the book we have the same confrontation, Ming does not let go, and Joe stays with him without ever being given a chance to breathe. So Joe stays while saying he wants him to go all the time.

Until for book reasons, that i won’t say, Ming disappears, is gone, he isn’t there anymore, he is not calling Joe or being around. Joe has his life back, he is free, and he hates it.

Important to say it was not Ming’s choice (we all know he could never), but he is forced to do it by something out of his control.

And that gives Joe the space to feel what he feels and make the choice of coming back with him. Also, Joe is not given any information of what happened, so he experiences for a smaller frame of time what Ming did in those two years which helps him to forgive the other.

He does not know what happened to him, did he get tired and leave, did something happen, where is he?

Anyway, the situation in the book is kind of old fashioned, and I am almost certain it might not be adapted the same in the series, so theory time.

There has been talk in the fandom about a possible future scene of Joe in a wheelchair and in a hospital. So maybe, they have an accident, a bad one, and maybe Ming gets really close to dying of something and this is how they will adapt to him being away and Joe’s choice. But is just some crazy theory I've been thinking about now that we are getting close to the end.

[hzrnvm]

in detail explanation of why the song Ghost Town means so much to me

Ghost Town by Ye is one of my favourite songs of all time. it touches me very deeply and I like it a lot. i'm now gonna go through the lyrics and explain why (it's more than just the lyrics, ofc, that make it beautiful to me. but, they're the easiest for me to explain, and they make up the bulk of it). I do also wanna clarify that at points I may disagree slightly with how the lyrics are written on Genius. this is because Genius isn't always right.

The intro is a sample from a song from the 1960s. it mainly serves to introduce the main theme, of someday. though it is worth pointing out that she says "wanna wear", rather than just "wear". there's something about the difference between wanting something vs desiring the freedom to want it at all

More somedays. "laying down, like God did, on Sunday" to me just is resting. being unvigilant, letting down your guard. then lines 3-5 are more mumbled, more for the flow and musical aspect than lyrical meaning.

and then he says "someday, I'm gonna tell everybody" coming out!!!!!!!! it's about coming out! there is a constant push from deep inside of me to tell everybody!

"somedays I wanna hit the red dot on everybody" it's a violent lyric, I intereperet it more as the life you live making you just want everyone around you to be gone. not necessarily a fantasy of their death, just, their becoming disconnected from you. then the last two lines I read as simply speaking on the life they will live once Someday. doing all the things they aren't allowed to do, doing whatever they wanna. freedom

me to my parents

to go more in detail it's that when I was first caught, I genuinely tried for the possibility that maybe they could love who I really am, maybe they could love hzrn. but everything I tried just, hurt me, it just repeatedly showed me that they don't love hzrn. and it took them further from me by making me go further and further into hiding from and avoiding them, total discommunication

and, when I listen to this song, i imagine a music video in my head. mainly starting around the first chorus, and, when the first chorus ends it's in a situation where the figure representing me is alone in a dark room, after walking away from her parents.

and when Ye's verse starts, i picture my future self coming to comfort me. she hugs me and tells me someday we're gonna do what we know we need, someday we're gonna take off this mask, and not to hurt myself

"you might think they wrote you off" you might think you're doomed, fated to a future of death and failure, that the author of the Universe wrote you off.

"they gon' have to rope me off" 'me' here refers specifically to my future self, the person I truly am who is currently unrealized, Hzrn. and Hzrn isn't giving up. they'll have to kill me to make me give up on hzr

"someday the drama'll be gone" someday you won't have to fear about safety and getting caught. someday all the fighting will stop. someday you'll be away from all the scary things. (the fourth line is pretty much incomprehensible, i take it more as sort of mumble-singing than anything. still incredibly beautiful, though)

"sometimes I take all the shine / talk like I drank all the wine" see when you're closeted you don't have the freedom to take all the shine, or talk like you drank all the wine! you simply don't have the freedom to do those things. you can't attract attention to yourself, you can't get silly with it, and any approximations of those things are Unsafe and therefore very scary. one of my greatest fears, before i got them removed, was getting my wisdom teeth removed. because what if the aenesthetic they put me on makes me not think about safety and hiding and I let it slip. I'll die, that's what if! and the idea of my future self coming up to me and saying, sometimes she takes all the shine, and talks like she drank all the wine, it makes me tear up. it does. because that's fucking hope, man! that's solace!

"years ahead but way behind" i'm years ahead on the inside, because living like this you kinda have to spend a lot of time just dreaming about the future, but. when you dream about the future so much it makes the past feel like way behind. I am years ahead but way behind. (and the fourth line is just nice-sounding, to me. it doesnt really factor that much into it, beyond maybe being a countup of years? because, in 5 years, I'll be 23, and, i think it's safe to say that things will be better then. maybe not all the way better but, better)

"no half-truths, just naked minds" this is what i long for. I want someday who i can look in the face, in the real world, and tell them the truth. no half truths. just naked minds, nudity. I want to bare myself to somebody, that's really what i want. i want to bare my mind to somebody. I have recently been really really touched by the image of two humanoids with exposed brains touching foreheads. connecting their minds. i dont know

"caught between space and time" I am. Hzrn is online or future, and she doesn't have the freedom to exist in the irl and past. I'm stuck between the present and the future with my constant escapism; i constantly remind myself that someday the life i'm living, I'll start forget it. it'll become a closed chapter and it'll fade from me. but reminding myself repeatedly, it's like putting myself in the mind of the hzrn who it starts to fade from. I'm trying to transpose myself into the future. and that just leaves me caught between space and time

this line makes me cry. idk if i need to explain it. if you know my sideblog @hzrnvmkta, it has the title "not what they had in mind". because, god, yeah. this isn't what they had in mind, but. idk. maybe someday

this time the chorus has a different meaning, with the different context. it's not a lamentation of this fact, but an acceptance of it. and an acknowledgement that, the goal of making them love me isn't something I should be pursuing any longer.

it's freedom. the outro is of after hzrn takes off into space, far far away from her family, and, once again she feels like a child, free and not vigilant. she lets go of the protocol, she removes the coat of paint she was wearing and lets her skin feel the air. and nothing hurts anymore; things still do hurt, but, not as much. she's able to recognize that the person she is now and that little boy she was then are one and the same; her parents were the one who pushed the wedge between then; she's still the kid she used to be (and, the use of 'we'"' here rather than 'i' I take as her finding community). she's just, in disbelief, that Someday came

so yeah! that's why this song means so much to me. I love you.

responding to this is allowed, btw, it's in fact encouraged

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

[triglycercule]

funny idea but what if the mtt (+ nightmare. feelin inclusive today) made a "book club" and nightmare's the only one that takes it seriously. for the mtt it's just a collective effort to come up with the craziest book plots ever and try to convince the others that this bs that they're yapping is a real book

nightmare is extremely confused when dust begins talking about his book called "the ribshanker" and it's a horror thriller book where this dog ends up digging through graveyards and stealing ribs to reassemble his dead mate (a big reveal was that the dog was gay) who died due to a shooting from the local bombs specialist and then the final chapter of the book ends up with the dog mauling a farmer and stealing his head. and then when the dog's dogfriend returns to life he actually returns as the sans from underdog (probably an AU out there)

and killer and horror feed into this fake ass story by adding dumb details and making the plot more confusing but it somehow makes sense in the end and nightmare is confused out of his mind. the book they chose for the book club was metamorphosis by gregor samsa what the fuck is this ribshanker shit. he has his suspicions that they're actually just making shit up when killer ends up describing a book with a plot that's a wee bit too similar to how he met nightmare

[samarecharm]

Akira can be invited literally anywhere and enjoy himself bc he just likes hanging w his friends all the time; hes the perfect parallel play buddy :) makes me think he was a bit of a social butterfly even before the Shido incident; he gets more energy being around his friends than being cooped up alone in that attic

[lululeighsworld]

decided to play the heirs of fate dlc this weekend (ive been meaning to for awhile; admittedly my knowledge of it all comes from browsing the wiki, and i really wanted to experience the anankos characterization for myself). this isn't even the part i was excited to get to BUT I AM REELING OVER IT..........FOR REASONS I WILL DISCLOSE IN THE TAGS (from part iv: light's sacrifice)

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

[sevicia]

My parents were talking about my sister getting a job and like, my dad's always agaisnt nearly every single job ever because it's "dangerous", and my mom was telling him like "everything's dangerous these days! you just want her to stay here forever?" and then asked him if he'd let my sister move to another city, because that's what SHE did, and he said NO. And my mom went "Well, I'd let her! Oh, I wouldn't let Dante do it though. He's too innocent! But his sister has a lot more common sense, so she'd be OK"

Like this is just how my life is now. I'm too stupid and naive to do any "big" or "dangerous" things alone, and I should only ever try when someone else is around to "help" me by getting exasperated and treating me badly whenever I make a "mistake" (AKA don't do it the exact way they want me to). But I'm also old enough that I should know better and know how to do all these "common sense" things that no one ever taught me, and the fact that I still don't know how to do them at my age makes me feel so fucking useless and ashamed that I barely even wanna try learning anymore. There's always gonna be someone to do it for me anyways because I'm so stupid and clueless and useless and obviously can't figure anything out by myself.

I hate trying new things, because if I try to do them by myself and fail I get told "See? You DO need help! I'm not letting you do this alone anymore!", and if I do them right suddenly it's just not that big of a deal and I should've been able to do that AGES ago, and if I ask for help and start asking for clarifications/clearer instructions they get angry at me because "it's SO OBVIOUS, are you PRETENDING to be stupid?"

I'm trying SO hard to not hate myself for not having done most of the things a lot of people my age have already done/learned but it seems impossible because like. Why am I so stupid? Why am I so useless? Why am I so naive why am I so slow why am I so far behind???

I only started to feel like I had actual consciousness about two, MAYBE three years ago, and whenever I realize I learned something new or FINALLY figured something out I feel so happy! But I can't tell anyone IRL because I don't wanna get called stupid.

And it just makes me so incredibly miserable to think that I won't be able to move out til I'm like 30 or maybe EVER, that I'm just gonna be here forever, always too slow and useless to do anything to get out. I want to live by myself and to do things that I WANT to do and to stop feeling this deep deep shame about my own stupidity but it just doesn't even seem plausible right now, and the worst part is that it's all my fault for being an idiot but most importantly for being compliant and always too scared to protest.

[feluka]

[subarashiihibi]

logging onto tumblr and seeing blatant ableism was not something i was expecting but Alright

[insertcoolnameherethanks]

My friends complaining about Gemma having "zero emotional capacity" my man, she has emotional capacity she's just neurodivergent stfu

[faggling]

realized that as far as I know my abuse primarily started after 9/11...much to think about

[iphnh]

me when I first heard of Barbie: that sounds like a 2 hour commercial for Barbie

me when I saw the online reaction to the movie: hmm it might be worth watching

me after I watched Barbie: that was a 2 hour commercial for Barbie.

[youmustfixyourheartt]

fucked up what happened to mike crew.