#disliked about the podcast

[youmustfixyourheartt]

fucked up what happened to mike crew.

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not that familiar with VtM 20th anniversary edition mechanics or the lore so like take some of this with a grain of salt (or several).

TDLR: Nara exploits Neil and his abilities by taking away his ability to consent by getting him high during their time in Baghdad. 

There is the obvious moral quandary of “one guy getting high is worth saving the world,” which may be true. That is not what I am here to discuss. I am much more interested in looking at Neil and Nara’s dynamic during this time and what it says about them. 

It is obvious that Neil cares for Nara; he loves her. It’s stated that he would trust her with his life, and he calls her beloved nearly every chance he gets. I do think Nara does care for Neil in some ways; I just don’t think her feelings outweigh his usefulness to her. She has many reasons to keep Neil close to her, and her care for him is just one. 

Time is running out for Nara and the Assamites; the Herald is rising, and she knows this. She also knows Neil is capable of having visions. These two facts culminate in her using Neil to get what she wants regardless of his own thoughts or feelings. In addition, I would argue that Nara is familiar with Neil on kalif, that she would know how it affects and impairs him given their relationship and proximity to one another, particularly earlier in Neil’s life. I don’t think it’s a stretch to believe she would know any potential dependencies or addictions Neil would have to the substance. 

I posit that kalif does not affect all Kindred the same, and that it has different potencies (smoking vs. ingesting kalif tainted blood) based on how Jubair and Neil both react to smoking in Neil’s solo episode. However, I do recognize that Neil has been on a steady diet of kalif (and who knows what else) for a few weeks at the time of his meeting with Jubair, and it is safe to assume he is not sober when he accepts the joint from Nara as he mentions having trouble focusing earlier in the episode.

Over the course of their conversation, we see Jubair take “a heavy hit” (PoN 1.5-Neil Foster 11:39) off of Neil’s joint, but he does not seem to have any immediate effects. He remains cognizant and able to carry on the conversation with Neil, and he is quick to respond to the attack. Whereas Neil is unable to follow the conversation and repeatedly looks to Nara for guidance since he is unable to make his own determination despite only having accepted the joint moments before Jubair is introduced. 

I also posit that kalif has addictive qualities about it. Whether this is true or not, I honestly don’t know, but there is evidence in PoN indicative that it may be addictive. When Nara offers Neil the joint, the comment is made, “If she gives it to me, I take it. It’s hard to say no” (PoN 1.5-Neil Foster 8:10). Later on, in episode 25, the coterie is hit with a kalif bomb, and Neil is described as an addict (PoN s2ep25 16:15). Though, this could have been a way to explain Neil’s mechanical failure. 

(As a note, I haven’t been able to find much online about kalif and whether or not it is addictive. The source I have read, provided by @peppedstep, compared it to weed and described it as a strong hallucinogen that is used for ritualistic magical purposes (Rites of Blood, pg,72).) 

Whether or not kalif is addictive, Nara knowingly and willingly gave Neil a substance that impairs his cognitive function and lowers his defenses to serve her own ends, and did so to “a dangerous degree” (17:40). I would also argue she would be familiar with the impact kalif and the visions may have on his mental health (panic attacks, dissociation, anxiety, etc.), and she chooses to proceed with offering the drug to him anyway without heed for his wellbeing. In this situation, Neil is incapable of giving informed consent (regarding the conversation, regarding the additional kalif, regarding his next attempt at a vision on her behalf) because he is already dangerously high or because he is addicted, or, realistically, both.  

Nara also preys on Neil’s people-pleasing tendencies and self-esteem issue, intentional or not, by commenting that his visions (and therefore, him) have not been as helpful or useful as she hoped spurring him to try for another vision and ingest more kalif. However, she is supposed to know Neil well, and that would include his inclination to people-please. He loves her deeply and wants to help her; he would not tell her no in this situation, and I believe she knows this.

I talked at length here about how I view Neil’s memory loss, which I won’t rehash, but it is worth noting much of his time with Nara during this stretch is quite hazy or he flat out doesn’t remember. The only other person who can vouch for most of this time is Nara, and she has more than enough reason to deceive, omit, or keep the truth from Neil. He has no way to tell if Nara is further exploiting or manipulating him beyond using him for his visions. If she is willing to take his ability to consent away in one circumstance, I would argue there is not much keeping her from taking it away in any other. It’s clear she does not take his needs or wellbeing into consideration with her choices.

This episode is the only interaction we see between Nara and Neil, excluding Neil’s visions. If these interactions are indicative of the baseline of their relationship, how much does she really care about Neil if she is willing to sacrifice his mental health, overall wellbeing, and ability to consent if she benefits from taking those things away? Is this same dynamic present in their intimacy? If Neil is constantly relying on her judgment because he is high and/or unable to remember, when does he have the opportunity to make his own decisions about what happens to him? What will happen when enabling his addiction is no longer beneficial for her? 

In conclusion, I think Nara is using Neil for his abilities and is exploiting him by taking away his ability to consent to what is done to him. Given this is the only canon interaction we have between the two, I wonder about the dynamic in their relationship as a whole and if it is a healthy one for Neil. It also makes me wonder in what other ways she has exploited Neil since she seems to have little regard for his needs or wellbeing.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[meaganfoster]

actually just listening to wolf 359 for the plot at this point which has never happened before. the creators said what if we presented one of the most scintillating sexy sci fi concepts ever with excellent audio editing and an even better grasp of storytelling mechanics. but did it through the most annoying emotionally cloying characters in existence

[transalfredpennyworth]

kind of love it when noah royally fucks everything up. its kindof super funny to me. girl WHAT are you doing

[cementcornfield]

Sauce bringing up Justin Jefferson's nickname like he's never said it out loud before in his life.

[grantwilsonenjoyer]

every time someone says they should have made lark be normals "actual dad" an angel loses its wings

[lazarus-lazuli]

Typical cryptotheism post "Oh you simply -must- tour the festival cities of europe, Krakow, Budapest they call it the jewel of the Danube you know, and Tiblisi of course, when you're sampling the cuisine don't forget to the country's north for comparison. Anyway, back to looking for two-bedrooms for my uwu little 'cule to move into. #fringe #freak"

I thought a typical cryptotheism post was them just pretending to know more about niche occult practices than they actually do but props for the highly specific read

[ante--meridiem]

The thing about Mike is, at the end of season 1, I found his argument that he was making the best possible choice out of a set of bad choices pretty damn convincing.

Except... he framed it as "I have two choices, I win the game and break it in my favour before Anne can lose, or me and Matt both die", and there was in fact absolutely a third choice, which was "someone else who is on your side does that and brings you back the way you plan to bring Matt back, and then lets you bring Matt back too because they're your friend and why would they keep that from you?" (and on the note of "they're your friend, why wouldn't they?", his argument for losing meaning certain death was that to not die he needed to break the game and he couldn't do that if he forgot it, when he could have asked Anne to fill him back in after he quit - but that would, again, have required a lot of trust).

So much of Mike's self-justification rested on the idea that he was the only one capable of breaking the game and getting the technology for himself if he kept going, and I do understand that, because he thought he had signs from the future that he would and because honestly Anne just didn't seem as ruthless or determined as him and had to be helped with the third challenge (though he later says he thinks she's smarter than him, so - I don't know. He had some reason not to expect her to succeed but it was very much motivated reasoning), but nonetheless, I think this is the point where his logic veered off of "cold cost-benefit analysis of an awful choice" into the realm of "wishful thinking and self justification".

Because while he had reasonable cause to believe he had a better chance at winning than Anne, that isn't really the main reason why he didn't want to leave things in her hands - it was about control. He didn't want to accept temporary death and trust someone else to make sure it was temporary, even though that's exactly what he expected of Matt, because it took control of the situation out of his hands. I mean, this isn't any great realisation on my part, he basically spelled as much out himself in season two, I'm just pointing out the hypocrisy of it. He may or may not have made the choice that gave everyone the highest chance of eventual survival (he probably did, to be fair, considering how things have played out so far) (but also, he makes pretty clear in season 2 that he is not OK with dying just as long as there's a timeline that undoes it and he doesn't have to remember, which makes me heavily question whether "eventual survival" should have had so much weight in his initial consideration) but he definitely made the choice that gave him the most control over whether they did or not, rather than forcing him to trust someone else.

Anyway one of the things I love about this show is how subsequent events will reveal Mike to have been either wrong or lying about both events and his own motivations, and I especially love how the parallel of him reacting to being on the other end of the dilemma with Anne does it.

[acesammy]

they should’ve randomly recasted sam in s6. Like whole different actor post cage.

Andksbdkenddj

I highkey disagree. I like jarpad as Sam. I just know he’s both not as good of an actor and not as pretty as Jensen and I 100% believe that is a major reason why Sam is wayyyyyy less loved than dean

That being said it would’ve been funny to have some random guy standing there in s6 while Dean goes like.. hmmm something is wrong with you Sam… can’t quite put my finger on it…

[muirneach]

i guess what i really hate about the duolingo update is that if i want to study a particular topic, like future tense or whatever, i can’t do that. the new units are literally just the entire course in one single thing and it’s a different selection every time. which is good because you get a more complete experience with the language (instead of having One unit on One grammatical structure and then moving right along) but like i said. sometimes i like to go back and review a specific topic i can’t do that

[myxinidaes]

gnaws on wood thinking about wolf 359 hera. I love her so much did u know that. her character arc!! her growing autonomy and trust in her crew, her snarkiness, her relationships with Eiffel and Minkowski, her monologues, her glitchiness that's her!!!! she's a person and she fucking knows it! she teehee tries to kill her crew sometimes as a way of rebelling against her programming and exercising some modicum of control, she's an adult with four years of experience in this world, and two of them were a cube. and it shows! she's immature! she tries stopping the funerals of people she hates, she trusts anyone who seems to be an advocate for her (dont even get me STARTED on Maxwell and hera oh I get so sad!), she's petty and loves slacking off even when it puts her crew in danger

she *sobs* imagined herself sitting at her crew's table during thanksgiving.......

[joemophobic]

I love you taz balance I love you taz commitment I love you taz dust I love you taz amnesty I love you taz graduation I love you taz ethersea

[aroaessidhe]

2022 reads // twitter thread    

Those Who Ripple

YA contemporary mystery following four teens in a small town in the aftermath of the mysterious death of a girl

her twin sister, a wannabe true crime podcaster, her cheer co-captain, & an unnamed person she was not-dating

trans girl, nonbinary lesbian, and aroace MCs

[first-only]

Do you ever make a post, and you can just hear the callout post being typed as you make it

jkfs i dont think anybody knows or cares abt me enough for a callout but i do like to imagine it sometimes. if i had more free time i might like comb through my blog to see what the callout might include apart from like. the obvious lmao

[army-of-bee-assassins]

one thing i have not missed about living with other people is well. other people being physically present most of the time.

[workingforitallthetime]

do i dislike hailey salvian because of internalized misogyny or is she genuinely annoying?