#so i say my gender is somewhere between a gay man and a butch lesbian because those are the only two labels ive ever felt like fit me

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

[snobgoblin]

Oh yeah its pride month an excuse to write Chemical X LGBTQ+ canons

For the most part I kept everyone true to canon because I do want CX to be something that you can reasonably read in between Classic PPG and Plastic Beach- it's meant to fill plot holes for both- which is why I didn't change very many genders or ethnicities. Consequently, CX is significantly less diverse than my works normally are, but those are just the problems you inherit when you work with someone else's property, unfortunately

ANYWAY WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY LETS GET INTO THE GAY (also unspecified doesn't always mean straight, just means I dont really know what they would be)

I wanna say Ace is ace because well duh but also, ppl say he's bi because of his guitar? So he's somewhere in between those 2. Snake is nonbinary. Mr Green is a trans man who is aroace

Buttercup and Marigold are both lesbians, and later in life Bubbles finds out she's a demigirl. Bubbles is also pansexual, while Blossom is bisexual (though it takes her forever to realize this bc of internalized homophobia) the Professor is ace and heteromantic

Mojo Jojo and HIM are both gay, Butch is aromantic and gay, Boomer is bi, Brick hasn't thought about it even once in his life

Murdoc is aromantic omnisexual, 2-D is bi, and Noodle is romantically a lesbian but pansexual. Russel is gender nonconforming, but not entirely out (it's 2010 lads)

yeah I dont usually talk about these bc the plot is more important to me than the sexualities but there you go, in case anyone was curious. I dont think these will come up *directly* in the comic. half of them dont even know what these labels are

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[thecorteztwins]

Something I’ve noticed in fiction and RP backstories is that when a character is LGBT, the parents/family react only one or two ways: Total acceptance with no issues, or rejecting/disowning/beating/attempting to kill their kid/etc And both these things do happen in real life. But what’s also very common, and which I rarely see represented or discussed, is a lot of places between the two extremes. For instance, many families are homophobic, but don’t want to lose their child, and the child wants to be themselves but not cut contact with their family. So you get scenarios like having bachelor Uncle Ted and his also-bachelor roommate Rob, who has been his roommate for 20 years, and may even get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone refers to him as Uncle Ted’s roommate or his friend, and Uncle Ted introduces him that way too, and it’s not until you’re 25 years old that you realize “oh, fuck, Uncle Ted is gay and Rob is his partner!”  As bizarre as that scenario seems, it’s a VERY common story. Again, a great many families will, for the sake of keeping the peace, just reach an unspoken agreement that they won’t acknowledge it or bring it up, and that will do the trick. Another common scenario is that Uncle Rob and Ted have been together for 20 years, but you never knew because in this version Ted was never introduced to you, let alone invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. In this version, the family will still accept Uncle Rob, but he has to do more than just say Ted is his roommate, Ted can’t be in the picture at all and Rob can’t mention him to anyone, especially not his parents or to you kids. You don’t find out about Ted till you’re an adult and between homes and need a place to stay and shack up at their place. It’s totally surreal but it happens. It happens a lot.  There are also many parents who will be fine with their kid being gay in theory, but upset at the idea of the kid bringing home a partner. Or they’re fine with that, they just can’t let the partner meet the grandparents or extended family, who aren’t as accepting as the parents are, that’s very often the case. They may also “accept” when their teen or twenty-something comes out, but that’s because they expect it to just be a phase, and become concerned when it proves NOT to be. Or, if the kid is bisexual, they may assume they were proven correct when the kid brings home an opposite-sex partner. There are also parents who have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality or being trans in themselves, but who have concerns related to what risks their child will be exposed to because of it. I once read an interview with a black lesbian who came out to her mother, and her mother’s reaction wasn’t to condemn being gay itself, but it wasn’t positive either---her mother said “You’re already black and a woman, why do you want to add being gay on top of that?” Her mother’s concern was the oppression her daughter would face. Likewise, a family might love their gay son no matter what, but be worried when he comes out as gay because they believe that this means he’s very likely to get AIDS, and they don’t want that to happen to him. My mother’s very accepting of ALL people on the LGBT rainbow, but she has said to me that she is less worried about me as a lesbian in this regard than a gay man, because STDs are harder to spread between cis lesbians. Speaking of my parents, they’re about the most accepting pair I could ask for. My sexuality is a non-issue to them, and they support all forms of gay and trans rights. But they’re also in their 60s, and not part of the LGBT community itself, and certainly not actively following how rapidly terminology and ideas are evolving now in the age of the Internet; the accepted view and words used around trans people, for instance, have changed really radically just in the past 10 years. So, my folks do hold some ideas that modern Tumblr would deem “problematic” such as my mom feeling that gay men are inherently more artistic and nurturing, because that’s what the gay men she’s known were like. Also, while she does NOT believe this anymore, she used to believe that men became gay because their fathers were bad or absent, because that’s what was the common view when she was a young woman in the 80s, and matched the situation of the gay men she met. She likewise asked me if I was a lesbian because sex with women was more gentle. Again, she knows you’re born gay NOW but in the past, those were common ideas, and the ideas that she therefore was exposed to. It didn’t make her hateful or bigoted, she was accepting of gay people even before I was born, let alone before I came out, but it did make her incorrect and going off stereotypes that corresponded to her own experiences and perceptions. So maybe your character’s mom didn’t have a fit and throw them out, but maybe she did also think that now her son would want to go shopping with her or that her daughter would want to take up golf. Also, while both my parents are very accepting of sexuality, they do get a bit more problematic in terms of how they judge gender expression. My mom is uneasy with butch women, and my dad kind of scoffs/is amused by femme men (yet oddly, has no issue with trans women, nor does my mom have an issue with trans men) This is another VERY common viewpoint I encounter---people not having an issue with the idea of same-sex activity and relationships in themselves, but in how “flamboyant” the person is. With many people, they disapprove of flamboyant gay men and butch women, but oddly in some cases it can go the other way around too; there are people who are just fine with the idea of flamboyantly gay makeup artists, drag queens, talk show hosts, fashion gurus, and hairdressers, but are more uneasy at the idea of perfectly “normal” businessmen or soccer moms who just also happen to be queer. There’s entire articles (probably essays) out there about how gay men in particular are marketed by shows like Queer Eye as basically being cute happy helpers to straight people, the cliche Sassy Gay Friend who just exists for the sake of supporting his female friends, etc. I’ve often wondered if lesbians don’t get the same media presence because we’re not seen as “useful” to heterosexual people in the same way (not that it’s any fun for real gay men to be pigeonholed that way either) So your character’s family may accept them but also start expecting stereotypical behavior from them, like giving their girly-girl daughter a tool kit after she comes our, or they may not BELIEVE them when they do because they’re NOT stereotypical, and that’s the only exposure to gay people that they have from media. You’ll notice I’ve thus far given examples only for a kid being gay or bi. That’s because I’m going off things I’ve personally encountered or heard of. I don’t have a lot of stories on how people react to their kid coming out as trans, but I imagine there’s just as much variation; I would check places like AskReddit for coming stories if you’re looking to find examples of reactions that are likewise somewhere in between total acceptance vs total rejection. For people who are asexual or non-binary, I reckon the biggest issue is just that the parents don’t know what the heck that even is, or don’t believe it exists, but I may be wrong, since I also don’t have much experience with this nor heard much secondhand either. Again, I’d seek out real stories from people and see what ideas you can get from those. Everyone’s coming out story or story of a family member’s coming out (or how said family member never came out, etc) is a little different. I hope this was helpful!

[brittlebutch]

Sorry if this is random or unwelcome - and if it is you're absolutely welcome not to answer - but I was wondering what being a lesbian actually means? From my current understanding, so long as you're not a man and not attracted to men you could identify as a lesbian. So, you could be a woman who's attracted to women and nonbinary people and be a lesbian, or a nonbinary person who's attracted to women? I have a SpIn in queer id's so I Crave Information lol. Please corrects me if I'm wrong! 💛

first off, i’m not exactly Great at explaining things so if someone wants to bounce off or correct my answer absolutely feel free lmao

so i would argue that at its base being a lesbian is being a woman who loves women. but you’re still right that non-binary identities can also factor in for a lot of people, because a lot of lesbians have a complex relationship with gender, whether they’re butch or femme or nb or whatever

for me Personally, my gender just kind of IS that i’m a lesbian. i’m not Quite a woman, but my relationship with my gender and my sexuality are kind of linked together. my attraction to women is my tie to my gender and vice versa. i’m a dyke and that’s that all around

when it comes to Attraction i wouldn’t really say that im comfortable saying that i’m attracted to ‘nb people’ as a whole OR that i’m only attracted to ‘nb women’ or something similar to that. gender can be a really complex spectrum, and there would be a lot of NB people who would fall out of my realm of attraction. it doesn’t really have anything to do with presentation either, it’s a very nebulous concept so trying to explain it clearly is hard for me lol, but basically i’d probably only be into people who had a similar tie to gender/lesbianism/sapphic-ness(?) that i do if that makes sense

gut reactions also don’t factor into this gender distinction much btw. i’ve been attracted to people before and had it die the moment i found out they were actually trans guys. i’ve been uninterested in people before and then ‘doubled back’ so to speak once i realized they were trans women. NB genders can be a lot broader and more complex than just that, but there would probably be plenty of NB genders i wouldn’t be that interested in Because im a lesbian. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ words are weird to use dude!! but i think that if i was attracted to the full spectrum of NB people i’d use “bisexual” instead of lesbian, because at the Very least there are plenty of NB people who identify as Gay or MLM for the same reason i ID as a lesbian, and i wouldn’t be interested in forming a relationship with them for the same reason they probably might not be interested in forming a relationship with Me (my use of ‘male gendered’ terms and they/he pronouns aside since gendered language isn’t like. Real)

(adding onto the bisexual comment above just bc i see a lot of ‘discourse’ about it; being a Bi Lesbian doesn’t work flat out. even if ONLY for the fact that the term originated in transphobic spaces to make a distinction between lesbians who would date trans women (as in, see and understand them as women because that’s what they are) and lesbians who wouldn’t (transphobes). it’s just like a new flavor of the Gold Star lesbian concept, it’s not good. if you want to like. Debate that whole label you’ve gotta go somewhere else lol i don’t reserve the brain cells for things like that (spoken generally not just at the anon who asked this initial question lol))

hopefully that made sense! and if it didn’t then hopefully someone will reply to this post and do a better job than i did lmao

[starfxckersinc]

why do you have the f slur And the d slur in your about yikes

p sure it’s in there bc u guys’ weird removed from real gay relationships & interactions get on my nerves a bunch & u know that but I honestly don’t remember so I’ll say it.

1. i think it’s regressive and stupid, in a community full of people who can look like anything, who can be any gender under the sun, whose presentations and experiences are deeply personal, complex, and multi layered to try and figure out who is what enough to say what slurs. it’s yet another brand of exhausting usually biphobic usually transphobic usually uninformed about how homophobic people use slurs sort of discourse and it’s..... im tired. i actually live in a household with transphobic people who say homophobic and transphobic slurs and literally anything feminine related to a masculine person, if they interpret them as too male to be a dyke, is labeled faggy, unless they can literally call them the t slur which I just wont engage with myself considering im tme and that word is usually used to hurt trans women. the gender, sex life, sexuality etc of whoever they’re calling a slur doesn’t factor into whoever they’re calling it, the point is they’ve identified something as Gay behavior and they’re shaming it.

2. I’m exhausted by the fact that ppl who can see me in my profile pic think I shouldn’t use the word dyke- I am obviously read as a woman day to day and the word dyke just means you’re being read as afab(I know this term is a little regressive but I’m not sure how else to communicate myself) and you fuck women. It specifically has the definition of Lesbian because for decades people have believed and perpetuated the idea that you can only either be gay or straight- This is why it’s so stupid to limit bisexual people from what slurs they can and can’t say because there are no bisexual-specific slurs. I KNOW you all would love to invent some like u reinvented butch/femme, but there aren’t, so telling young bi girls to say ~the d slur~ is ridiculous, as if they’re not gay enough to face homophobia.

3. If you think I should put a warning at the top of that page saying those words are in there, I’m p sure I neglected to do that and that’s on me, I’m totally willing to edit it. I believe in tagging slurs, I believe in people not wanting to read them or be called them, I never call people I don’t know or people who I know are sensitive about it/have experienced trauma regarding it by these words. However, gay people have been affectionately calling each other fag & dyke for a long, long damn time, and having watched u ppl ‘call out’ a couple of people for affectionately calling their friends these things I’m just gonna say it’s not abnormal behavior & some people are fine with it.

4. After 2-3 years of pondering my gender I’ve come to sort out that I’m androgynous, which in my definition is basically an extreme level of genderfluid. Sometimes I fluctuate very heavily towards boy, sometimes towards girl, but generally I’m somewhere between the two. I would like, however, to present in a style that would have me come across as a femme man rather than a girl, which is how I look now, or maybe even unreadable w a side of cheekbones, but as it stands referring to MYSELF as a fag makes ME happy. I would LIKE to be read as a faggot. I don’t get why most people can understand “my gender is dyke” or “I’m queer” but this one goes above people’s heads

anyways yeah that’s my thoughts on the slurs

[cowboyjen68]

How do you feel about non-binary people?

Interesting question.  It not really a topic I have a great expanse of knowledge in and I only dig deep enough to help me be respectul of those who ID as such. Otherwise, I guess I don’t really give it too much thought. I mean when i educate (mostly straight people)  at speaking gigs, I use the most simple of explainations and leave it at that. After probably 50 conversations with all kinds of people along the non-binary spectrum I think I have 50 different explainations for how they see themselves, how they want others to see them and how if affrects their orientation and sex based gender limitations. 

Most non binary friends I have are more acquintances.. much younger than me so we don’t hang out.   TO ME (and Jesus H  Christ–ya asked my opinion so everyone take it as such and don’t come at me anger–opinions and different information ALWAYS. anger and snarkiness no thanks.. I have a 13 year old that handles all of that for me so I am booked. –also I have only had one cup of coffee)

Non binary is the idea and or feeling.. (depending on who I ask ) that they fall somewhere (or no where?) along the gender spectrum (not sex based–as in female or male). That their masculinity or femininity or neither are not tied to a gender.  

OR some non binary people view it as more of a perception. They are not dysphoric and their phycial sex is fine to them they just prefer to be PERCEIVED as the opposite or, more often, no specific gender. 

My thought.. good luck to those tossing gender into new perspectives and I am glad to see that attempts are being made to separate gender roles from our physical sex.. clothing, hair, the way we walk, talk, our facial hair.. is not gendered and non binary people are pushing that agenda. 

It is not me.. I have no desire to be seen as anything other than female and a woman.. I am have fought too fucking hard my whole life to be a masculine women.. a female with a vagina and breasts and hip (tiny ones.. but they exist) and still do the work of “men”.  I can hold space in any group of men and garner respect and even make them see women in a different light than before they met me. I credit my my dad’s genetics.. he passed to me humor and charisma and no fear of new people. But if they don’t respect me or treat me like a person because of the reality of my physical sex, or because my butchness threatens them or because I am a woman.. I also have the ability to let them know I really don’t care about what they think.  I have enough friends.. and I will find more without them.  

So I guess you could say i an solidily binary..  but non binary people are just as valid as i am.. I just don’t have any true connection to the idea of it. 

ALSO there seems to be a lot of pressure to not be binary.. to sort of blur the lines of gender no matter how you really feel. Please remember.. not all of us feel a disconnet between our gender and presentation and phycial sex. Young women and men out there. .. you do NOT have to be non binary to fit in.  You can be perfectly content to feel pride in being a man or a woman.  You can do great things and still date who you want if you fit all the traditional gender roles or even the stereo types of being gay or lesbian or bi. Or if you don’t. I certainly don’t play by many rules. 

So what do i think? I think non binary exists within several realms of our comminity and the discussion around it helps us to revisit gender as a performance role.. and a culturally oppressive trait. I also want to remind those who are fine living with in the gender binary.. you are just fine to be you. 

[angryspacelesbians-blog1]

Thanks to @loving-bouquet for tagging us in this! We’ll be doing two separate ones of these so people don’t get mixed up on who’s who. This is Mod Lavender version!

Nicknames: Most people irl just call me by my name, but online most people either call me Lavender, Lav or Error, even if they know my real name

Gender: Filthy femoid

Height: 5’2 

Time: 6:40 P.M.

Birthday: July 24th

Favorite bands: Uh let’s see. I mostly listen to 80’s girls rock stuff so stuff like Indigo Girls, The Bangles. Also other non female 80’s rock like the Police, and the B52’s. Blame my mom for my music tastes

Fave solo artists: P!NK, Tracy Chapman, Mellissa Etheridge, Natalie Merchant, Hayley Kiyoko, Tori Amos, also Lindsey Stirling because damn that woman is excellent with a violin.

Song stuck in my head: This Arabic alphabet song we’ve been listening to in class

Last movie I watched: The Dressmaker

Last show I watched: Speechless (def would recommend for anyone with disabilities or w/ relatives who are disabled for a good relatable comedy that doesn't use the disabilities as a laughing stock)

When I created my blog: This blog, Violet and I made it not too long ago but school happened so we only really started running it like yesterday.

What I post: feminism, also stuff about racism, disabilities and other forms of injustice that we face everyday.

Last thing I googled: Technopathy (gotta make those gay techno super heroines)

Do I have any other blogs: I don’t, don’t know about Violet.

Do I get asks: We’ve gotten a few!

Why did I choose my URL: I chose the URL for a couple of reasons, A being I love space, B is I love Artemis who is like the lesbian moon goddess (I mean come on, she killed any man that saw her naked but ran around with a bunch of naked nymph ladies?) and uh C space just seems p gay to me so yeah.

Following: 30

Followers: 11

Average hours of sleep: Can range anywhere between 4-9 

Lucky number: 5

Instruments I can play: Violin, flute. Thinking about learning guitar in the future.

What I’m wearing: Ripped jeans and a sweater-shirt-crop-top thing (sounds edgy but I somehow manage make it very much not edgy, probs because I perpetually look like a librarian. which is difficult when you want to be rough-tough butch but you’re 5’2 and a nerd)

Dream job: Kinda torn at the moment, either STEM (Astrophysics preferably) or Diplomacy (Foreign service officer)

Dream trip: Uh, I’d like to go somewhere like Switzerland or one of the Scandinavian countries, because my mom and dad (respectively) lived there for a while so I grew up hearing some cool stories. But I’d go anywhere if it was with Violet tbh

Favorite food: Idk I love lots of food? I guess fave would either be sushi or corn bread with jam/honey

Nationality: American

Favorite song: I’m gonna have to say “Talkin’ ‘bout a Revolution” by Tracy Chapman

Last book I read: Uh we’re reading Othello for class right now so I guess that counts?

Top three fictional universes I’d want to live in: Stardew Valley, Breath of the Wilds, Starbound

And Lavender is a dork and forgot to tag, I tag @virulentblog and Violet will probably tag another person so we don’t spam too many people but both get to tag!

[maxturnerwrites]

Starting a Journey

As a child in had a secret obsession with the movie Yentl. I was both intrigued by, and uncomfortable with, the deception of Yentl pretending to be a man. The wedding night scene played on my mind for years. What made me uncomfortable was a childhood anxiety I had about lying and misleading. Especially accidentally misleading people. I think that could stem from the fact that I feel I have never let anyone see the real me. Sometimes I don’t even know who that is. I've become a chameleon - running the gamut between trying to fit in and trying to absorb/adopt styles I thought could be me. It's actually exhausting.

As a small child I never thought of myself as gendered. Does any young kid? I don't know. I just liked what I liked - idolised my big brother and did the things he did, played with his toys, wore his hand-me-downs. In a class of 80% boys at school, of course I was close to some. In part because I was often picked on by the other girls for not being like them.

It only slowly started to occur to me, overtime, that I was doing things “wrong”. I got told I shouldn't stand up to pee when my parents discovered I had been. I was confused when my voice didn't break and someone had to explain to me that that doesn't happen to girls. Apparently the reason also, that my body hair was fine and sparse. To this day I am jealous of body hair and stopped shaving my own armpits and legs years ago.

At 8 I started to grow boobs.

At 11 I demanded a short haircut. I was often mistaken for a boy, which I both liked and disliked. Disliked because I hated the feeling that people would think I was misleading them - like Yentl.

At 12 (first day back to school after summer break) I got my period. At 13 I started to suffer with a variety of health issues stemming from what turned out to be lifelong uterine conditions.

By the time I was 14, physically I looked 18 and was often mistaken for and treated as such. Added together this resulted in me putting any discomfort I had about being a girl down to these things and the growing objectification I encountered. I thought that all women felt this way - had a discomfort about their bodies and didn’t feel right in their own skins..

When I was a younger teen I became secretly obsessed with the idea of a sex change. Not that I necessarily wanted one, but I was intrigued. I saw a movie, I think it was corey haim, about a kid who dressed as a girl for some weird plot reason. And I was obsessed with it, like I had been with Yentl. It just played on my mind so much. But in the end I dismissed the thoughts and feelings it brought up as tied to my sexuality - which I was at that point exploring.

Up until around 13 - 14 I remained a “tomboy”, but as time marched on this became a problem. I had to grow up and fit in with the other girls. But I had no interest in makeup or boy bands so I was bullied. I spent my lunchtimes in the library until I found a group of friends who were equally misfits. The perpetually bullied. It wasn’t something any of us talked about but many were also what would now be LGBTQ kids.

When I was young I was sort of proud that I was stronger than the other girls and many of the boys, I was more boyish. I would get into fist fights with boys, climb trees. And it’s not that I think girls can’t do that sort of thing, I’m the first in line to say they can do what the fuck they want. Just that I think a lot of the time I was doing it because the boys were. So then I realised I was the odd one out with the girls. Somewhere in my teens I started to accommodate. I don't remember the conscious decision but I remember feeling I had fit in. That there were aspects to myself that were not as they should be. I disguised my masculine wrists with bracelets, I modulated my low voice to a higher pitch, I learned how to walk like a woman. I did all this still until recently have been slowly unlearning what is now second nature to me. I started to wear more “appropriate” clothes. And I thought all women did this - moulded themselves to be the perception of feminine.. I stopped cutting my hair short because it no longer made me look like a boy but like a “butch” lesbian - which wasn't how I felt or wanted people to see me. I wasn't sure how I wanted to be seen.

Around 15 I knew (after having had my first snog at around 10 or something with a girl) that I was definitely into girls, and so I just figured all these feelings were about my sexuality. It wasn't that I didn't like boys - I'd kissed a few - it was that the idea of sex terrified me. My only experience beyond kissing up until then was having my boobs groped by boys. Which was completely horrible, but to be endured. Thinking I was gay was helpful in avoiding this.

I went to sixth form college and made a friendship group of lgbtq students. Before I left for university I came out to my parents as gay. Which was harrowing despite them being supportive. As soon as I did it I realised I wasn't gay. I did like guys, it was just that anything sexual with them seemed slightly off. Years went by and I began identifying as bi and was with men and women. Nothing felt quite right. Vaginal sex was not an issue but something was off and after I would feel disgusted about my boobs. I just assumed I was letting societies disgust to women's bodies affect me. I suffered generally (especially at times when I have been heavier and thus had bigger boobs), with a sickening discomfort about my boobs. I've had this feeling for as long as I can remember of feeling uncomfortable in my skin. I just thought all women felt this way because of objectification and general societal bullshit.

In my 20s I met a guy and fell in love. Took it slow. Everything felt good but I'd still get that horrible feeling about my breasts. He understood that sometimes I didn’t want them to be touched and was cool with that. Sex became fun and good. Things I'd been disgusted by before I was now willing to explore. Including blow jobs and anal, which my only prior experience had been straight porn. Which felt aggressive and hateful - where sex happens to women rather than with them. It made me realise there was more to sex but also just reinforced my thoughts that this was just something all women had to deal with.

I felt better when I lost weight because my boobs were smaller, my body less curvy. But I still didn't feel right. I have always had days where I feel like I want to tear off my own skin. I feel sick and totally uncomfortable in my skin but especially at having breasts and I want to just strap them down somehow. I used to try to explain this and people don't understand. Because I thought everyone must feel like this sometimes. Sometimes it last for hours sometimes weeks though some level of discomfort was always there.

I spent years unhappy with my body but trying to convince others of empowerment. I took up burlesque. In part to try and be more comfortable with myself and in part because I had wanted since my teen years to be a drag queen and this seemed the closest possibility. I loved the aesthetic and the interpretation of femininity and it spoke to my creative side.

This year I had a baby.

When I was heavily pregnant I felt comfortable with my body for the first time. Like it was doing what it should. Good job body, grow that baby! And that lasted until the birth. I was really sick during the pregnancy and was 2 stone lighter after giving birth, which was good for me mentally. But the weight started to creep back on and I felt worse than I ever had before about my body.

And then there was the breastfeeding. Breastfeeding was something I can only describe as traumatising. When I was alone and I would cry. In front of other people I would hold it together whilst wanting to tear my skin off - all the while thinking what a terrible mother I was for feeling that way. I still can't think about it without getting emotional. I'm amazed I lasted for 3 months.

Around the time I started using tumblr and making online friends. Some happened to be genderfluid. A term I'd never heard before. I know people who are androgynous, I have friends who are drag queens, and have personally identified as queer for sometime.. But I'd never really thought about this and it really hit home to me. Maybe that was what this was all about?

I have often described myself as a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Literally said this all through my uni years and people thought I was joking, so I guess I just never took it seriously myself. In the last few months I've had to explore what this all means. Work out that being, for example, trans, is not black and white. If I feel masculine I don't have to be a body building footy fan. I can be - as I feel - after months of trying to work it out in my head: an effeminate bi boy.

As a child I'd wanted to seem masculine to try to be one of the boys. Then as I got older I forced myself into feminine things and found I like some of them even if they didn’t sit quite right. Now I realise that had I been born male I'd have likely still enjoyed those things - dancing, stage makeup, costume making.

I've spent my whole life not feeling right but thinking everyone felt that way. That everyone woman was made to feel this way and just sucked it up and adjusted themselves to fit society. And then I had such a traumatising experience with pregnancy/parenthood that I had to question it. It's caused a lot of down days and upset. I now feel like I'm seeing the real me and whilst that feels good in some ways, it's upsetting that it doesn't match the outside.

When I think about myself now in terms of being a boy it all clicks together in my head. Which has made my dysphoria even worse because now when I look in a mirror I see something that I had been so busy adjusting myself to see - that it’s not me.  

I have a binder now, and although it isn't 100% visually effective as I'm large chested, it feels much better. It helps so much with the dysmorphia and discomfort. I’m about to return from maternity leave with a sparse wardrobe as my old clothes are too big and not really who I want to be. After months of thinking this all over, i talked to my GP. I was referred to a counselling service and spoke to/cried at a lovely woman for an hour and now I have a referral to a gender identity clinic.

I still have questions. I still have doubts - how does someone get to their late 30s and never know this before? Maybe I don't know what I am. I just know I'm not completely me right now.

[cowboyjen68]

Given the topic of labels lately, what labels make you personally proud or personally uncomfortable? Do you think age plays a role in what people are comfortable or uneasy identifying as?

First, I do think age can have a lot to do with labels. It can be what was popular or comfortable when you came out, or just the ID that fit you best as you were forming your sense of self.  I often see a “rub” between generations as to labels people love, are okay or or absolutely hate.  Sometimes the meaning has just changes, the English language is like that, but it only changes to those who do not have experience or memory for the origin of the word, or its common connotations from before they were around. My older lesbians friends (this is a generalization, because there can be factors besides age, much prefer lesbian and not ever queer. They much prefer the spelling of woman to be without the “man” or “men”.  SO there are various ways to spell it.  They also are very connected to “butch” and “femme” IF they fit within one of those categories and they take it pretty seriously.  It is a source of pride and connection for them. My older gay male friends (meaning my contemporaries or older) also prefer Gay over queer most of the time. They do use some of the terminology such as “twink” or “top” and “bottom” but it almost seems like they are not super serious.. more in a gently teasing way when interacting with each other. 

Now about me… disclaimer.. this is just me, my opinions and my feelings and connections and experiences with language. I have a degree in English but NOT gender studies (my minor is religion and philosophy).  So I do find our language amazing and important. I also know it can be personal and i do not like to police anyone’s language that they use for themselves, whether I like it or not.  It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  When I feel like someone is using a label that is important to me, and I think they use it wrong either on themselves or towards me I repeat to myself, people are more important than the words.

One more thing. I do believe labels are important, at least at certain times in life, maybe always for some. It helps us identify our community with in our community. It helps us find mentors within that ID that look like we look, or will look when we get older. It helps people to know they are not alone, that there are others who feel the same way and that they are not wrong about how they feel or want to look, just because society tells them they can’t possibly be what they know they are: 

Ok Me

I love Lesbian. I love all the power it holds. It’s very meaning of women who love women.  That is me. I always use it. I don’t mind “gay” but if Identifying myself I will always chose lesbian. Sometimes I make the challenge to say it in conversation at least one a day just because I am so proud. 

Female and woman. These are also important to me.  I align my gender with with physical sex and I love them both. My parents were pretty good about not gendering anything for the most part (I mean it was the 70′s it was fairly common to not over gender clothes and toys etc) I never played with dolls or liked dresses.  Growing up I was not afraid of those things I align with my femaleness, such as my hips, vagina and breasts. Those “parts” are my experience being female and while they are not perfect and of course when I was younger I was not fond of them (since they were never the cultural ideal),  As i aged I grew to love them and appreciate them. Part of that was I realized how much I loved them on the women I was attracted to and the overwhelming sentiment was that they were shocked someone thought they were lovely.  I don’t hold a grasp on these terms so tightly that I mind if they have grown to encompass more that a “woman born with a vagina” .  These are not my terms to define, but I am proud of what I connect with to feel like  a woman and I encourage others to search and see what connects them to the ID. 

There was a bar in Iowa CIty when I was in my early drinking days. It was my “home” as i came out. A very good friend painted a mural on the back wall that said “Are You Queer?” on it. I own the rights to it, he left them to me when he passed away.  I have thought or re releasing the art for shirts. I am at a bit of a crossroads. I love the art. And I never was attached to the word “queer”. I  usually thing of it as a gay man’s term but now I hear it more often as a way women define themselves. I think it works fine for other. It is not for me. I will always default to lesbian. Queer is too broad of a stroke for my comfort. But I will be releasing the shirts, and in fact did a trial run to raise money for an LGBTQIA Youth Club. I will put a photo of the graphic on my blog some day. I love it because Dan painted it at a time when “queer” was a bold statement and it was HUGE!  And because my memory of that bar helping me find myself is sentimental and rich with experiences that make me me.

Butch:  Okay.. I just LOVE THIS ONE> IT is ME..It is just ME>  As soon as someone called me Butch… i fell in love with it. I was already the very definition of it, I just didn’t know it was a “thing”. Once my older lesbian friends (many fall somewhere on the butch to soft butch spectrum) started to teach me the ropes... the butch nod, that it is okay to shop in the men’s department. Suspenders are always in fashion, my cowboy hat was okay with them and everyone who didn’t like it could “piss off” as one 70 year old once put it. They taught me that butches can be scared of snakes, and change the oil or go to Jiffy Lube. Butches could hate sports and love to camp or vice versa. That we are varied and diverse, but there are in tangible things that we recognize in each other and don’t doubt my instincts. Soft butch actually fits me a little better 75 percent of the time.  Just depends on what I am doing or, how butch I look up against the women I am hanging out with. 

Terms I am not comfortable with. I get “him’ and “ sir” a lot and it is okay with me. Usually is a snap call based on a sudden glance or look in my direction. I almost always correct it but in a kind way. After the third or 4th correction, I just let it go. Not that big of deal. I would never use them on purpose.  I don’t like to be referred to as cis gendered. That is just a personal preference. I know the meaning and I know the reasons and history. I teach about it when I speak. For some reason it strikes me as more information than anyone needs about me in general.  If someone uses it about me, I totally let it go. It is fine. I just never use it on myself.  And close friends know I prefer they not use it when describing me.  I don’t use gnc, even thought technically that could apply. Mostly because I DO consider by dress and hair and butchness to be ALL female. I am just as much a woman in grubby work over alls with short hair as I would be with long hair and makeup (cultural gender stereotype)  so I don’t really see myself as non conforming. I am conforming, to what I, as a woman, like to look like. There you go. Took me two days and saving it as a draft several time but I got ‘er done. Thank you for the ask/prompt.