#so im hanging around this really fancy old library for now

[99probalos]

chapter 4! chapter 4!

its starting out pretty good! im developing julies voice well i think... i want her to have a very half-in-the-moment-half-in-her-head sort of vibe, if that makes sense. as spoiled by the ao3 description (teehee) i want julie's passion for punk rock to be more prominent in gi76 but i also want her interest in science and art to come through, too!

julie is many things. julie contains multitudes... and im proud of how the chapter is coming across so far :)

[nyxerebus]

okay but imagine if Erwin had a child and never told anyone in the survey corps about it

They're 16 and just joined the regiment

Armin and some of the others start to catch feelings and then they find out about their relationship with Erwin-

(I hope that made sense)

-🦋

This is soo cute! i treid my best, but i am very tired so it might be shit, hehe.

“Commander!” The four year old saluted at their father. “Very Good (Y/N)! rember what we say?”

“Offer up our heawrts” (Y/N) had a stern look on their face, but with their little baby eyes and baby fists, they didn't look that serious. “You look like a born soldier! You might outrank me one day” A deep belly chuckle came from Erwin. He picked them up. “Make me fly Dada!”

Giggles filled the room as Erwin held them above his head and moved her around.

“Commander!” This time, it wasn't his cute four year old that saluted him, it was his beautiful 16 year old. He tried to hide his smile, but he couldn't start showing favorites. “Listen up Cadets-” He continued with his speech about honor and the glory of humanity. “Now Cadets, follow Squad Leader Hange and she will show you your new sleeping quarters!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

KNOCK KNOCK

“Name and Business” Erwin was nose deep in paperwork, but a smile made its ways to his lips when he heard it was his child. “Come inn”

“hey dad” They closed the door before they addressed him. “What can i do for you sweetheart?” He was leaning back in his chair, giving them his full attention. “Just wanted to check up on you! Didn't see you at lunch”

“Im fine, just a lot of paperwork” He was preparing for the next expedition outside the walls. “You know, we need some people back here to make things run when we are gone. And I took the liberty to sign you up” Erwin didn't meet their gaze, knowing they were pissed off. “What!?”

“It's for your own good (Y/N)! It's dangerous out there!” (Y/N) rubbed their temples and paced around the room. “I know that dad! But you can't keep me here forever, he had this fight when i decided to join, i won't have it again. You can't baby me around here and keep me back. I joined to save humanity, just like you, just like everyone else! And i won't let you give me special treatment” Erwin took a deep sigh, knowing he was wrong. “Fine, I’ll take you off”

“Thanks dad, i gotta go. Connie wants to introduce me to his friends” This made Erwins 'protective dad senses’ tingle. “Connie Spring? That boy is nothing but a troublemaker, i don't want you hanging around them” (Y/N) just chuckled, “Of course you don't, but luckily for me, thats not up to you!” Before he could protest. they shouted out a ‘See ya tomorrow!’ and left the room.

“Hey guys! This is (Y/N) Smith! This is Sasha, Jean, Armin and Reiner! And of course you already know about Eren”

“Yes, but its good to meet you all” They smiled at them. They began chatting with the group learning about them, and joking with them

“(Y/N) Smith? As inn Erwin Smith?” Jean asked when they started to walk back to the sleeping area, night time getting closer and closer. “Hehe, yes. thats my dad”

“Your dad is the commander!” Sasha freaked out, but most of the boys started to sweat. Especially Armin, who had taken a bit of a fancy of her. Now he had to get the commander's blessing! Wanting to make a good impression on them ,Armin asked if he could walk them back to their room. “Of course! Thank you” They both started to walk and chatted. They shared a love for books and could discuss them all night. “well this is me, it was really good getting to know you!”

Armin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “No problem! Want to eat breakfast together tomorrow?” (Y/N) nodded and opened the bedroom door, but before they walked inn, they leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “See you later Armin” And with that the door closed behind them, leaving a blushing Armin.

“So, Cadet Arlert” A deep voice scared Armin and made him jump around. He met the commander's icy blue eyes. “Your fooling around with my daughter, are you?”

“N-no Sir!”

“Dont lie to me Alert! I saw you eye ogling her” Erwin leaned down so he was at eye level with the poor boy. “If i ever see you close to her, i will feed you to the nearest titan myself” And with that, Erwin walked off.

The next day Armin was avoiding (Y/N) the whole day. He didn't show up for breakfast, and when they were training their ODM gear, he wouldn't even look at them. “What is up with you!” (Y/N) finally confronted Armin after dinner. “Nothing”

“Than why are you avoiding me!” Armin didn't meet her eyes, to ashamed. “Your dad told me to back of, so that is what I’m doing” This shocked (Y/N). “I should go”

“No! Wait! Please let me talk to my father. He will back off if i tell him to, i don't want to loose you” Tears were building up in their eyes. Because of their fathers position, everybody had avoided them growing up. Too scared of their dad. Armin was the closest they had gotten to a friend, to a crush. They didn't want to lose that. Armin just nodded, but when he saw the commander approaching he ‘eeked’ and tried to run off. “Hold it right there Arlet, don't you remember what i said?”

“W-w-well-” Armin started to stutter out some excuse, but (Y/N) took the word. “No dad! You don't get to dictate who I am seeing or talking too! I like Armin, a lot and I won't let you scare him off like you scared every friend i had off!” Erwin was taken back by his child's outbreak, but that didn't stop guilt from taking its hold on him.

“I am sorry (Y/N), i haven't been thinking about your feelings. Its just hard watching my little child grow up”

“I get that dad, but please, i need you to back off”

“I will” (Y/N) hugged Erwin. “Okay, i will let you two alone” He smiled down at them, but turned to Armin with a stern look. “But if you hurt them, i will kill you”

“Y-yes sir!” And with that Erwin walked off. “Want to hang out!” (Y/N) tried to lighten the mood, poor Armin was terrified. “S-sure!” And with that they walked off to the library, (Y/N) was finally getting their first friend, and maybe, first boyfriend.

[wakandascrystal]

Imagine this….Part 5

Imagine this… Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

“How can I trust you?” 

“You can’t have a baby with someone you didn’t sleep with. I can’t act like that anymore. I have something to lose now. You.”

                                                  ******************

(A/N-Sorry for any spelling errors)

"So the IV drip was just to restore your energy and the shoot is filled with antibiotics. Just take these pills 3 times a day and you will be back to your old self in no time."

The nurse in front of you handed you the bottle of pills and left. Erik was at the front desk taking care of the fee of your medication.

You jumped off the table and strolled to Erik's side.

"You feeling better baby?" he asked

You shook your head and grabbed his arm. Not long you were back home sleeping in his arms.

This is all you wanted. To be at peace with him. You wanted to be sure about him and lately you werent. Even when you lay so close to his heart, so close to him you still felt like he was on another planet. Erik was an amazing man but was he good for you? All the things he said before you fall asleep were nice to hear.

He wanted you, a house, a family even children but that could all change if he changes his mind. He held power. He had control. Your future was in his hands. Cause everyone knew you were committed but all he had to show for his commitment were promises. You're about to leave college and graduate. You can't plan your life around promises. You had thoughts you would like to voice to him. You didn't want to constantly question him but at the same time you wanted to know what's really up and if he was really in your corner. Only time will tell ,your inside voice told you as you fell deeper into your slumber.

                                                            ******

“Erik I have clothes. We don't need to go to the Mall.“ He kissed his lips as he turned into the parking lot.

“Its a formal meeting (y/n). Can't have you dressed all fashionNova when we meet the king.“

“Hey!! Don't drag my clothing Erik. I have formal stuff...Like that black- “

he cut you off

“- Don't tell me about that Black dress you wear everywhere. That thing is so raggedy “ He turned the car off. “ I Brought you here to buy something sexy, something formal, something that goes past your knees.“

Your mouth dropped.

“Erik, did you just call me a slut?“

“Please...black people don't use that work...I just called you a hoe.“

You slap his shoulder twice really hard and he faked a moan. You stopped thinking you have really hurt him with your nails or something.

“E you okay?“

he swiftly caught your lips with a kiss. You blushed as he pulled back and collected his keys and wallet. Ever since the morning, he's been so playful and affectionate. You liked it but a sudden change with Erik was worrisome. He even joined you in the shower.

“Why is your water boiling (y.n)??” “No, it's not. Don't be such a baby. Come give me a kiss.“ “Not until you turn the cold water on.“ “Erik My shower time ....my temperature - Period.“ He ended up staying

You touched your warm cheeks, amazed at how much effect he still had on you.

“Erik. I..” He stopped what he was doing and looked at you.

“I don't have any cash to buy something.....but you know Tinah can lead me something nice.” Erik let out a giggle.

“wait you thought you were going to pay? What kind of man would I be? Let's go I gotcha.“

“Okay.“

Erik had taken you to Gucci. You thought he wanted to look at their shoes laugh at their prices and leave but he just stood there and told to pick a dress.

“Erik I'm not buying there's ugly ass over priced rug looking dresses. I am really grateful I really am....this must be an important meeting. huh” You told him softly.

Erik nodded his head slowly. You knew what was coming. Every time Erik nodded his head slowly you knew he was going to share some personal information so you had to listened up.

“This ain't some meeting with some random Company manages or ..recruitment agencies. This is my cousin who's a mother fucking king. I don't want to look like some failure ..you know. I know I'm a man I got pride but I don't want the nigga thinking am.... charity.” His voice was low so was his head. You don't know when but you had held his hands in yours.

It hit you like a ton of bricks. All his life he saw himself as charity and he didn't want that picture to come across to his cousin. He didn't want his cousin to look down on him.

He must value this man then. If he would care what he thinks of him. Cause Erik doesn't give a shit about anyone but it seems like he does about this Man.

“Erik I know your life hasn't been great. You've went through so much but you don't give yourself the credit you deserve. You are nobodies charity. You in college and you pay for it cash. You have a car, you have nice clothes. You are doing amazing. You can’t compete with your cousin he’s a king and your a student. He owns a country and you own textbooks.“ Your heart started beating faster when he smiled at your lame joke.

“The only person you should compare yourself to is your past self... and I don't know about you but the present you is winning. Plus this is your cousin so i'm sure that is not what he will be interested in.“ He smiled again

“Come on Erik lets go.“ You pulled him out of the overpriced store and went to a cute boutique at the end of the mall. You found a nice dress and brought it with a pair of shoes and earrings. Erik also brought a black suit and tie that went with your dress. He also treated you to a malaysian hair bundle you needed to create a sleek high pony.

After that trip to the mall y'all meet up with Tinah and Malik for Dinner. You and Tinah sat at the back of Erik’s Jeep while Malik sat in the front.

“OMG i have to tell y'all something? I had a dream!“ Tinah.

“Oh no Tinah. Cut that shit out.“ Malik said

“What is she talking about Man“ Erik asked Malik

“Don't encourage her she wildin“

“Stop. We all grown and close.“

“What you mean grown and close.“ Malik turned to look at her blushing girlfriend.

“I had a dream we were swinging.“

“You embarrass me Tinah.“ Erik busted out laughing while you were stunned.

“Wait like on a swing...what i’m I messing“

“Baby she means sharing ..you know.“ Erik tried to give you a hint.

“Sharing swings seats.“

“Like a foursome. Like Erik Fucks Tinah and I fuck you.“ Malik explained

“IM NOT FUCKING YOU MALIK!!“

“I didn't say that Tinah did.“ Erik was crying with laughter at this point.

“Your not touching Erik Tinah. I mean it.“ You started to laugh as well.

“Did you see us naked or someshit“ Erik asked.

“You see what you did? Stop having thirsty dreams go swing with your white friends in Economics.“

“Nah fuck that. If you fuck a Henry i'm out Tinah im not playing.“ Malik said

Everyone laughed at Tinah's antics. After Eating Erik drove everyone home - he left you at the dom for the library to carry on studying.

A couple of days went by and the day to meet Erik's cousin came. Turns out it wasn't as professional and Formal as Erik made it out to be. He wanted to meet his cousin just like you said. His Family was important to him and he wanted Erik to know that blood will always be thicker than water. They had made reservations at a fancy hotel just outside the city by some country clubs. Erik was so excited he even took his car to a car wash the day before.

By 7:30 pm you had done your hair and makeup. Erik sat on the bed reading an article while he waited for you to finish. You got dressed in the bathroom and when you walked out he eyes went straight to you. He hadn't seen the dress on you before and quite frankly he didn't even remember any dress with everything that had happened in the past week. You looked gorgeous. The sleek high pony complimented your simply and natural makeup.

Makeup and hair:

Outfit:

You stood still and saw his face.

“Erik I know you hate it because it's long but you said he is a King so I don't want to wear my THOT clothes as you said. I want to make a good impression. I want to make you look good as well. Oh, Are we meeting the Queen as well?”

You stood in front of him. Even with seven-inch heels on he still towers over you.

“You're breathtaking.“ He kissed you and some of your gloss stayed on him.

“He just became king like a year ago, so it's just him.“ You wiped off the gloss on his lips as he spoke.

“You look handsome. I like formal Erik. He fine. Does he have a girl.“ You flirted

He smiled.

“Come on I got my phone and my bag can we go. We’ll be late.“ You said.

                                                     ***************

Once you arrived at the restaurant. You were amazed by the decor. High glass ceilings, walls and low hanging lights. You felt out of place but the hosts and waiters treated you just the same as all the other wealthy customers.

“Sup man. We have a reservation for Erik or a T'challa.“

Hearing that name did feel like Deja vu. You had heard it somewhere, maybe in a dream or a song. Your mind chucked the thought away when Erik held your hand and led the way.

He was being extra gentle with you tonight. Maybe it was the dress that made you seem soft and feminine but he was extra caring since you left the apartment. He even opened the door for you to his car and helped you in. Getting into a Jeep with high heels is not as easy as Rihanna makes it seem to be. You told yourself to just be happy he’s looking out for you and not read into it. Cause every time Erik changes his behavior a red flag rises in your mind.

If he's not being himself ...then he is up to something Right? Up to something ....can be a good something but  lately you were trying to leave room for disappointment.

The host who was dressed in white and gold weaved his way past the bottom floor tables ,directing you and Erik to the most exclusive and private table on the fourth floor. Climbing the stairs Erik stayed one step behind you to make sure you don't fall. His hand rested comfortably on your lower back. You felt like a sheltered women. He made you feel sexy and wanted on the last steps the host pointed you in the right direction.

“Just down the hall to the right you will be at table 101“ Erik thanked him and he left.

Your mind was filled with so much doubt yet so much reassurance. You wanted Erik so bad but you felt like you were risking something by being with him. maybe yourself.

The baby thing was still in your mind. You stayed up awake at night thinking if he was lying. You would create scenarios where you meet up with Cassie and find out the hard truth. There was no way you would stay with Erik if the baby was his. He wouldn't stay with you if you were having another nigga’s child.

A child would complicate everything. You would be second or even third priority after Cassie... the mother of the child. You didn't want that. Cause Erik would never be your second priority why should you be his. You wondered if he had the same thoughts as you about relationship you shared.

You tried to calm down and breath. You wanted to enjoy tonight. Have some wine, good food and meet Erik’s family member. You gave him one last hand squeeze before you entered the sky view dinner area. As if the situation couldn't get any worse your eyes landed on Erik”s Cousin.

It was him.

The Guy from Jafari’s restaurant.

You had his number in your phone.

The young lady he was with sat next to him.

She is here too.

The bodyguard women stood around him.

He is a king. Like real fucking game of thrones shit.

You had a Kings number in your phone and he was Erik”s cousin.

“Earth to (y/n) baby you okay“ Erik smilled.

T'challa had his hand out to you.

“Sorry my bad...“

You didn't know how to play this. Say you've met him before and leave Erik suspicious or lie and act like he was a total stranger and at no point did you picture yourself sitting on his face.

“....Im (y/n). Erik’s Girlfriend. Nice to finally meet you.“

His eyes told you he knew you were faking. He saw right through you. You felt naked and you didn't even do anything wrong. You cleared your thoughts as he kissed your hand.

“A pleasure to meet you. You look marvelous tonight.“

A ticking flowing of electricity flowed from his touch. When he let you go you quickly stepped to Erik’s side. The younger lady introduced herself as Shuri. She was cute and sweet. Erik pulled your chair for you and you thanked him. You sat across T'challa and you knew tonight was going to be a long night.

                                                ******************

TAG LIST:

 @thebeautysurrounds

@sweetsexysavaged

@hearteyes-for-killmonger 

@james-heaven-barnes 

@theunsweetenedtruth

@myboyfriendgiriboy 

@drsunshine97

@hearteyes-for-killmonger 

@imaginewhoever 

@halfrican-heat 

@james-heaven-barnes

@champagnesugamama 

@forbeautyandlive

@theunsweetenedtruth

@myboyfriendgiriboy

@sweetsexysavagery 

@thebeautysurrounds

@hearteyes-for-killmonger

@amyhennessyhouse

@forbeautyforlife

@imaginewhoever  

@james-heaven-barnes

@halfrican-heat

@ayellepea 

 @pumpkinmcqueenhitpostlimit

@youreadthatright

 @chaneajoyyy

@imaginewhoever 

@sonofnjobu 

@thadelightfulone

@james-heaven-barnes  

@lewatigress 

@aykanna

@blackpantherimagines

@blackpantherismyish 

@lifelover4u

@mellowjellow6

@laketaj24 

@adrioola21

@imagine-mbaku’

[jjkfire]

Navy; pt. 1

Reader x Jungkook // childhoodfriend!AU, idol!AU // 17k words

Summary: He’s your best friend, practically your other half and the two of you have always promised to be there for each other no matter what. The both of you have dreams of professionally making music together one day and to you it’s almost like reality, a given really, and with each day, the dream starts to feel like it’s within reach. But, one day, with one sentence, Jungkook destroys it all.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

A/N: hey this is me trying to dig myself outta my writer’s block! please know that this is just my imagination running wild and i’m pretty sure big hit didn’t take their phones away from them and there are like other inaccuracies but !!! just humour me hahah. also it seems like the keep reading feature doesn’t work on mobile? im so sorry for clogging up your dash ): and the formatting is all weird on mobile lol idk what’s happening!! it’s best if you just read this on desktop or mobile browser

Part 2

Busanbeats.

At aged 11, both you and Jungkook think that it’s the single most coolest name on Earth for the little home-made studio that you have in your bedroom. 10 years later, you’ll realize the name is as basic as basic comes but it would be a name that holds too many memories, memories both you and him will treasure for the rest of your lives.

Truth be told your so-called studio isn’t even one… it’s just your computer hooked up to some speakers that your neighbour had thrown out some odd years ago. On top of that, the midi keyboard you have is not top of the line either. It’s just some mediocre brand but you had gotten it for a steal at a garage sale and as long as all the keys worked, you didn’t really care.

To think that making horrendously simplistic music on second hand equipment is what will change both yours and Jungkook’s life forever is almost unfathomable and yet, that is all that it is. It would push both of you apart and bring the two of you together again, almost as if finding that midi keyboard buried deep under a pile of broken electronics in a stranger’s yard had been fate at work that day.

It all started on a summer day, in the seaside town of Busan that both you and Jungkook call home. The two of you were grinning with excitement at the thought of becoming teenagers soon. Looking back now, you wonder why you were so excited to become one because if given the chance, you’d choose to be 5 forever because being 5 meant the hardest decision would be picking which crayon to use next. Being 5, the closest thing to heartbreak is the feeling you get when the ice-cream you just bought falls onto the ground. In any case, 11-year-old you did not know about the heartbreak that was to come in only two short years. 11-year-old you only knew that you were more than excited to show your best friend Jungkook what you had set up in your room just that Friday night.

 “Won’t you just tell me what it is that you’re so excited about already?” Jungkook groans, truthfully a little irked by your over-enthusiasm today.

“You’ll see,” You grin as you lead him up the stairs to your bedroom, basically running up the steps.

Jungkook is no stranger to your bedroom. In fact, it’s almost like his second home. Every day after school, he stops by your house for lunch and ends up doing homework with you until both his parents return from work. Your parents love him as if he’s another one of their children and his parents love you as if you’re one of their own. Both your families would have dinners together pretty often and in that way, it always felt like Jungkook would be a permanent fixture in your life. Ah, but life, it never really plays out the same way as it does in your head, does it?

Jungkook ambles behind you boredly, chalking up your excitement to perhaps new bed sheets or curtains… You oddly get excited over small things like that, he sighs. So, really, he isn’t expecting much from you, but it’s when you open your bedroom door to show him the new layout of your room, your table now tucked in a different corner with wires all over the place, that he tilts his head in confusion.

“Ta-da!” You gesture with your hands outstretched towards your study table. “We can finally make music like we’ve always wanted!”

It’s a dream the two of you often speak about in the middle of music club, as you play the piano and he sings. You’ve been learning how to play the piano since you were at the ripe age of 5 and you’re no grand master, you’re just… mediocre at best but you know enough to play a popular song on the piano if you were given music sheets. In fact, that’s how the two of you met at the beginning of primary school. You had been playing a rather new pop song on the piano in the music room after school had ended and Jungkook who had been hanging around the back of the room shyly, began belting out the notes after you had coaxed him into doing so. After many weeks of just you and him loitering in the music room after school, a friendship blossomed, one that had started out awkward and quiet but then developed into one where the both of you become comfortable, in fact too comfortable you think because Jungkook and his jokes, which really are just insults, makes you feel like strangling him.

Jungkook approaches your new setup carefully, fingers grazing the worn out speakers before they prod at the keyboard.

“Do you even know how to work any of this?”

“Uhh... not really,” You admit. “But I’m sure we'll figure it out somehow! It can’t be too hard…”

Except it isn’t as simple as you think… of course it isn’t. You had highly underestimated just how hard it is to make music at all, let alone good music. Turns out just pressing a few keys and recording Jungkook’s voice on top of it won’t actually give you a song that sounded remotely like anything that’s playing on the radio... but you were determined and disciplined so a few weeks or so at the library, reading up on books on basic music production gave you just enough to figure out how to finally make a song… at least a mediocre one and with the creation of that song comes the birth of Busanbeats.

It becomes some sort of routine, the both of you coming home from school, working on homework and then moving on to make some music. In the span of 2 years, both you and him make countless tracks together, and they’re not amazing as per se and nobody but the two of you ever hears them but it brings the pair of you inexplicable joy. The studio is like a new world, a secret world for just you and him. As the two of you grow from eleven to twelve and finally to thirteen, both you and he grow as artists. For starters, though Jungkook has always sounded like an angel to you, his singing has only become better and you often wonder just how good he’ll become one day when he finally starts taking those vocal lessons he’s been talking about taking recently. He doesn’t know how to tell you but he’s never really thought much of his voice but it’s because of you, because of how you continually encourage him, how you continually spur him on to create music that he sees a future in the music industry for himself. In fact, making music together hadn’t been something he thought of at all until you brought it up but he’s more than happy now about the fact that the two of you are doing this because it’s through you that he finally learns where his passion lies.

Musically, between you and Jungkook, you’ve done the most growing because in the span of just 2 years, technology has moved at such a fast pace and the internet has become a wealth of information for you and with that, your music production skills have now moved beyond layering vocals on top of the instrumental piano piece. Suddenly, the songs you make now have bass, drums, cow bells, traditional percussion instruments and anything you wanted to sample on them, and Jungkook always voices out that all of this would be nothing if it wasn’t for you and you simply blush, waving away his compliments. He thinks you’re some sort of magician, having learnt so much in just the span of a few months but that’s mostly because he’s a technological Neanderthal. The boy never got onto the growing social media bandwagon, for he doesn’t even have an email, nor an account for chatting. The only way to reach him is on his little phone that he only uses to call less than a handful of people. In fact, you would have to call him every once in a while to clear his inbox when you wanted to send him a text because yes, that’s the type of phone he has! He never saw reason really to get fancy new gadgets or try out this new and growing thing that people call social media. It’s all a waste of time he believes, and in his mind he thought he didn’t need it because all his friends are just at maximum, a 20 minute walk away, really. So, you let him live in his little technologically handicapped world because he was right, he didn’t really need it as per se if he was going to be right here in this small area within Busan.  

Now, the tracks both you and he make are actually decent enough for either of you to show your friends and family but… neither of you do because this music thing, it’s mainly just for you and him. At least for now, it’s just a hobby and you rather liked keeping it a secret because it’s almost like your safe haven. One day, you would always tell Jungkook. One day, when we graduate from college and make enough money to put aside some time to pursue this hobby as a career, we’ll let everyone hear our music then. It’s a sentiment you thought he shared because he never seemed to voice an opinion that said otherwise, the boy always nodding in agreement with you.

It’s not like you didn’t wish you could drop everything and just make music for the rest of your life, you definitely did but you’ve been told over and over again that the arts... there’s no future for kids who go down that path. Of course, it didn’t help that your parents aren’t too fond of your newfound passion for making music and they often remind you that it’s nothing but a hobby, that you are destined for far greater things. Destined for college and a job at a big company, destined for happiness... as if music wouldn’t be able to give you that. Essentially, your parents are living out their dreams through you and you don’t blame them because all they want is for you to have the life they couldn’t. You are their only child and so you carry the future of the family on your back. No matter how much you love music, you know it’s a risk you’re not willing to take, at least not just yet, but you will, someday, one day and you would do that with your best friend by your side.

By now, you’ve been friends with Jungkook for 6 years and your friendship has grown leaps and bounds from when the two of you met in the music room at the age of 7. The two of you are so close that everyone regards the both of you as a package and they aren’t wrong, you and him are absolutely inseparable. It’s as if the two of you are conjoined twins… except you know, you aren’t attached in any single way. It’s almost scary to everyone else how either of you know what the other is thinking, like as if there is some telepathic connection the two of you have. Everyone’s just holding their breath, waiting for the day where the both of you proclaim your love for each other because there’s no way the two of you wouldn’t eventually become a couple, you and him already looked like one. It’s a thought you often laugh at because Jungkook doesn’t see you that way and you don’t see him that way either. It’s the thing where you just know someone too well that you can’t possibly see them as a significant other. Granted, Jungkook gets everyone all excited because whenever these rumours surface, he plays along, making everyone think that the two of you are finally dating because he loves seeing you flustered, vehemently denying it as your classmates and friends choose not to believe you, instead throwing out references to instances where you and him act like a couple. 

We’re just best friends! You would scream. I don’t know, but best friends don’t take naps on the same bed! That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do! They would reply, and you would gasp before turning to Jungkook with your fists clenched. Jungkook would often laugh, running away before you can catch him, and he’d hear you scream why did you tell them that!? You’re only making things worse for us! Often he’d let you catch up, let you throw a few playful punches before he apologizes but his heart isn’t really in it when he says sorry because you’re wrong. He’s only making things worse for you, not himself, because unlike you, he rather likes the prospect of you and him being a couple. Of course, he’s tried telling you that a fair few times, albeit rather cryptically, but you’re horrible at picking up hints and he’s horrible at dishing them out. A match made in heaven, that’s what the both of you are.

You always sulk and give Jungkook the silent treatment the day after he instigates those couple rumours, but usually it barely lasts an hour and before he knows it, both you and him would be laying down on your bed, talking, because as always he convinces you to take a break from doing some homework, which then often leads to both of you taking naps. He’s a horrible influence, really, but you can’t deny that you do love a mid-afternoon nap and Jungkook can’t deny that he loves the feeling of falling asleep next to you.

It’s through these little conversations that you and he have before your daily naps that the two of you have come to learn so much about each other. He knows every inch, every nook and cranny of your incredibly complicated self like he knows the back of his hand. Your dreams, hopes and fears, your darkest secrets, your insecurities, he knows them all and you would say it’s the same for you, that you know him just as well as he did you. With a 6-year friendship, especially the kind you both you and him have, surely there would be no secrets between the two of you and on your part, there aren’t any. You could only assume the same could be said for Jungkook. Ah, but only fools assume…

Though you always find yourself screaming, he’s just my friend! You know deep down he isn’t just a friend. Of course, you’re not trying to distinguish between romantic and platonic. It’s just that Jungkook is so important to you that you can’t simply place him in the friend box where so many other people reside. He’s more than that. He’s your confidant, your rock, your inspiration and every time you envision your future, Jungkook is a permanent fixture because you cannot imagine life without him. Whether you're 30 or 80, whether you're married or still single at 70, you would imagine Jungkook would still be there then, would still be your best friend no matter the year, no matter the season because he’s always going to be there as you would be for him. It’s a promise the two of you have made to each other numerous times over and never once have you doubted it. Perhaps that had to do with being a naïve 13-year-old. You just never thought things could turn out differently than how you imagined them to be and for now, you imagine that life is simple, that you just had to do as you’re told and in no time, both you and Jungkook would be taking the music industry by storm.

It's funny, but your friendship with Jungkook is basically a series of never-ending promises and maybe that’s why you think it will go on forever. Of course the core promise of the friendship is that you would be there for each other, always, but it also has tons of overly-ambitious ones like how one day the two of you are going to travel the world together, or that the two of you would one day move to Seoul and live in the most expensive apartment there is, but really the both of you are just dreamers, big ones. 

The only promise you think will actually happen for the foreseeable future is the one where you and he will eventually make music together, professionally and it’s a promise you look forward to every day. You often tell him you know the years ahead will be hard, but it would all be worth it when the two of you can finally do what you love for a living.

“You’re sure it’ll happen?” He questions, almost sighing as if he doesn’t believe you.

“It will! It definitely will,” You smile.

“But what will we be? What would our concept as musicians be?”

“I don’t know,” You huff. “But we’ll be famous, that’s for sure,” You laugh, hoping that maybe if you put it out there, that the universe would grant you that wish.

“Alright then,” He grins, before scooting closer to you, his hands hovering over the keyboard as if he’s thinking hard. Hesitantly, he plays a few keys, just 5 single keys. He plays it over a few more times before he records the 5-key tune, smiling as he saved the file.

“That’s going to be our first hit,” He smiles. “You’re gonna have to make good on your promise and make us famous.”

“I will, I seriously will,” You assert, renaming the file as No.1 Hit. “But you’ll have to sing on it.”

“Of course I will,” He snorts. “It won’t be a hit if I’m not on it,” He smirks, cocking his eyebrows and you groan, shaking your head at him before you shove him away.

So, make a hit song together, that would make it promise #762. Of course, both you and Jungkook knew half the promises you make to each other are really just the two of you saying things for the heck of it. You don’t expect these things to actually happen, though you hope they will, you know that most of them are highly improbable situations. Truth be told, as long as you and Jungkook are still friends when the two of you are old and wrinkly, you would still be happy. It’s something you consider a given, something you don’t even question, but that all comes crumbling down with just one single sentence and it hits you hard, like a ton of bricks. It’s on that day that you realize that you’re a fool. A fool for assuming, a fool for never doubting, a fool for believing that everyone else sees life the same way you do.

“Y/N, I… I’m leaving,” Jungkook mumbles, biting on his bottom lip. You look at him questioningly, confused as to what he meant by that. “I’m moving to Seoul,” He huffs, gulping as he looks at you.

“W-what?”

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Jungkook, stop. This isn’t funny,” You grumble, shoving him.

“I’m not joking,” He murmurs, pausing for a while. “It’d be really nice i-if you could come to the train station to send me off.”

“W-What… I don’t understand…”

“I uhh, I auditioned for a show, a talent show and I didn’t get in but a few agencies they approached me—”

“You what?”

“Don’t… don’t get mad, please, Y/N…”

“When did this happen? Why did you… not tell me?”

“It was a few weeks ago… I didn’t tell you because I know you wouldn’t have wanted me to go.”

“I mean it’s just… I thought we had a plan. I thought we were going to wait until after we graduate from college and get a job, and we would—” Your voice wobbles and you can feel tears beginning to build up.

“Y/N, tell me honestly… Do you really think we will do half the things we say we are going to?”

“No… but I’m pretty sure of this one! Jungkook this… this has always been our dream. This is the only thing I-I think of doing once I make enough money for my parents.”

“Y/N, both you and I know you’re only lying to yourself. You say it’ll be just until you’ve made enough but when will that be? When you’re what? 40?” He sighs. “This is my chance to make it right now. This is a solid chance. This isn’t just us joking about what might be. This is something real. This isn’t just dreams and promises that will never be fulfilled.”

“I get it,” You scoff. “So, this is all a joke to you isn’t it? Everything we’ve ever made here—” You gesture around your bedroom. “— is a goddamn joke to you isn’t it?”

“Come on, you know that’s not what I mean. You’re just putting words into my mouth,” He grumbles. “You’re being so unreasonable right now.” 

“Unreasonable,” You snort. “I’m being unreasonable? You’re the one that just dropped a bomb like that as if it’s nothing and you think I’m being unreasonable?”

“You’re making all of this so much more of a bigger deal than it really is,” He grumbles, rising from his spot on your bed, pacing around your room.

“How isn’t this a big fucking deal, Jungkook? We’re… we’re best friends! How can you just go ahead and do something like this without telling me?”

“Because I know you would react exactly like how you’re reacting now!”

“You don’t fucking know that!”

“I do, Y/N! Tell me that if I told you I was going to audition for a show that you wouldn’t stop me.”

You stay silent because it’s true. He knows it and you know it too. It’s just you couldn’t see why he would want to when the two of you already have a plan, one that’s been in place for years now.

“Exactly,” He huffs, noting your silence. “I know you too well.”

“Maybe,” You sigh. “Maybe you do, and I guess I’ve been wrong this entire time because I thought I knew you too, but it looks like I don’t know you at all.”

“Oh, come on, don’t say that,” He groans, shutting his eyes as he cards his hand through his hair in frustration.

“We promised each other that we’d be there for each other always, Jungkook. We promised each other that there would never be secrets between us. We promised each other that we’d make music together one day.”

“Well, I’m sorry Y/N but this is… this is just me doing what’s best for me.”

“So, none of the promises we made to each other mattered to you then?”

“Of course, they matter to me, but don’t you understand? Some of the things we say we’ll do, just won’t end up happening.”

“How can you just decide that it will never happen? How can you just… give up on it without even trying to make it work?” You mumble and at this point, there’s no use in holding back your tears because your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on by your one and only best friend. “How can you just… give up on us like that?”

“Us,” He huffs. “You keep saying there’s an us but really in this equation there’s only you. What you’re asking is for me to wait until you’ve graduated and gone to work but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“The same, obviously!”

“Y/N, I’m not you! I don’t have life planned out like you do… I don’t even fucking know what subjects I would take. I don’t even know if I can get into college!”

“We’ll figure it out!”

“You’re always so stubborn,” He sighs. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I am.”

“You aren’t,” He shakes his head, his fingers silently playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Well I’m trying to be, okay?” You defend. “But I mean this… if this isn’t betrayal, I don’t know what is.”

“It’s always… it’s always about you, isn’t it? Maybe I just want to be selfish for once. Can’t I do that?”

“Why are you asking me that when you’ve already decided on it?”

“This isn’t meant to be like this,” He mumbles. “This isn’t supposed to be as if I’m abandoning you.”

“But you are!”

“No, I’m still here, we’ll still be us. We’re best friends and—”

“I don’t know how you can say that when you’ve destroyed everything that our friendship stands on,” You sob, tears rolling down your cheeks. “Just go,” You sigh.

“Y/N—” 

“Leave, you asshole!” You shout, shoving him in the chest towards your door and you can feel Jungkook resist you, standing his ground because he just wants you to look at him. He moves to reach for your hand because he can’t stand this. He hates seeing you like this and he hates that he’s the reason for your tears, but you pull back easily, hand reaching for your bedroom door. “You’ve already decided this friendship is nothing but empty promises anyway so just go, please.”

You don’t even give him a chance to say anything in return, the slam of your door enough to tell him that there’s nothing more he can say. He holds back his tears the entire walk home but the moment he reaches his bedroom, he sinks down onto the floor, and lets his tears soak through his bedroom carpet.

[21:50] Jungkook: My train leaves at 9.30 am tomorrow… Please don’t let our friendship end over something like this. I hope you’ll be there.

You see the text light up your screen minutes before you choose to retire to bed and you scoff at it. You can’t believe he had the audacity to ask you to come. You had made up your mind long before the text that you wouldn’t show up but… it’s Jungkook and even if he had just obliterated your heart, smashed it into smithereens, you find yourself setting up an alarm for 8 am tomorrow.

Jungkook, you sigh.

The bunny teeth and doe-eyed boy. To you, he could do no wrong. It’s like even if you wanted to be mad at him, you couldn’t be. Everything he had said during the screaming match you had with him had made sense, but you couldn’t help but feel betrayed. You couldn’t help but think he was leaving you behind and perhaps that’s what hurt you the most. Maybe, just maybe, you’re afraid. You’re afraid that he’d go to Seoul and he’d forget all about you while you’d be stuck here, still hoping and wishing for his return, like an idiot. Perhaps, he’s right, that the two of you would still be an ‘us’, no matter the distance. Maybe you just had to believe him, maybe in a few more years, the dream would still come true. Maybe in another 10 years or so, you’d find yourself in a studio with him, making music together as you had promised each other.

Saying goodbye is never easy and saying goodbye to your best friend is almost impossible.

“Please, don’t cry,” He mumbles but it’s too late, he could already feel your tears soaking through his shirt. You hate how you look right now. You hate that you’re crying in public, on display for everyone to see but this boy has been there for you for every single second of your life after you had met him that one fateful day and standing here in this train station, with everyone whizzing by, you can’t help but feel like it’s the end of an era, that even if he promises nothing will change, you feel like everything is about to be turned upside down.

“I don’t think they’ll let me use my phone, but I’ll get an e-mail account as soon as I get there and we can talk to each other that way. Nothing’s going to change, I promise,” He smiles, wiping away your tears with his thumb.

You barely say anything because you don’t trust yourself to. He wants you to be happy for him and so you try your best, plastering on a fake smile and holding back the rest of your tears. As the second-hand ticks closer to his boarding time, you can feel yourself grow anxious at the thought of your best friend, your soulmate, leaving you. You can’t help but feel like you’re being ridiculous, that you’re making it seem like you would be nothing without him and you know it’s not true, that you’re a person of your own and you can stand even if he isn’t by your side but it’s the fact that he’s leaving so suddenly that makes you feel like you’re drowning, like you’re trying your best to hold onto something to stay afloat.

Before you know it, the announcement for his train rings around the station and you start to feel like your throat is closing in on you, your chest tightening as you watch him reach for his large suitcase. Jungkook offers you a shy smile and you can see tears start to well up as his parents hug him goodbye for the final time.

He pads over towards you, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he tips your chin upwards, so he can see you one last time.

“Don’t get too famous while I’m away yeah?” He mumbles jokingly and it makes you laugh despite the fact that you’re seconds away from bawling. “We’ll see each other soon, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Is your only reply, it’s the only thing you trust yourself to say because even with that single word your voice is already shaking.

“We’ll always be… us,” He smiles. “You got that? We’ll always be Busanbeats,” He laughs.

“Don’t forget that while you’re there,” You mumble. “Don’t forget me.”

“Never,” He smiles.

The last thing you remember seeing from that day is watching him disappear down the escalator, wearing a navy-blue cap that you had got him for his birthday last year. He turns back one last time to flash you a smile, waving goodbye to you and his family and then he’s off, disappearing into the sea of people. The last thing you remember feeling from that day, is a low dull ache right where your heart is, and you remember wondering if that pain would ever go away.

That following Monday in school is nothing but a shit storm as word gets out that Jungkook had left for Seoul over the weekend. Your classmates ask you question after question and it only wears you out because truth is you only know just as much as they do. You didn’t know anything past the fact that he had left because a few agencies had been interested in him. You didn’t know who he picked, you didn’t know where he was going, you didn’t know if he was going solo, or if he’ll be in a duo or group. You only know that it feels weird without him here, that it feels oddly empty now that you have to walk home alone, do homework alone and take naps alone. You had not realized just how much space he took up in your life and now that he was gone, you just felt so… alone.

In the next few days and weeks, you slowly but surely begin getting back into the groove of things, finding a new routine for yourself with your other friends that you have grown much closer to now. You hadn’t heard from Jungkook but from what his mother tells you, he’s been really busy trying to settle in and so you give him the benefit of the doubt, holding on to the fact that his mother had told you that he said hi and that despite how embarrassing it is to tell his mother this, that he wanted her to tell you that he misses you so much. You sigh at that, wishing that you could just pick up your phone and call him but apparently his personal cellphone has been kept by the company in order to make sure he would concentrate on his training. Truthfully, you almost feel bad for him and sometimes when you take a break from your homework to lay on your bed, you find your mind drifting off to him and often you find yourself hoping that he’s doing fine, that he’s happy in Seoul, out there chasing his dreams.

It had been perhaps 3 months since his departure and you had pretty much given up hope on personally hearing from Jungkook yourself but you come home from school one day to find your mother telling you Jungkook’s new email account and you had zipped up the stairs straight to your computer to send him an email. Kookster97 is his chosen username and you smile at that, thinking about how he would probably come to regret that username given a few more years. You had spent close to 20 minutes curating the perfect email to send to him and you sat there staring at your computer screen, refreshing it every few minutes or so only to find no reply. You decide to retire to bed but you wake up that morning to find no reply either and you find yourself not thinking too much about it because perhaps like his mother says, he’s busy. You let another day pass, and another, and another and then you let a whole week pass, and still no reply. You send him another email because maybe it just didn’t go through but a few days later, you still get no reply. You want to ask his mother if perhaps she could ask Jungkook why he hasn’t been replying like he said he would but you find it a little embarrassing to ask her that so, you simply ask her if his email is indeed Kookster97 and she nods her head, telling you that it is what he had told her. So, all you do is continue to send him emails, hoping one day he would reply but he never does. In his absence, you find your will to make music diminish. You had not touched your keyboard since the day he left and when you boot up your computer to perhaps work on some music, you find the file titled No.1 Hit in your recent section and when you play it, it’s like you’re taken back to day one where all you could do is mope and frown at the thought of your best friend being so far away now. You bury the file within a file and hide it among 100 other ones, hoping you will never return to it because when you hear that 5-key melody, all you feel is pain.

Weeks turn to months and it’s maybe 9 months since he left that you realize when his mother talks about Jungkook, she doesn’t tell you the usual message of him saying that he misses you, anymore. Tell him I miss him, you remember saying meekly, and she said, of course, I will! But the next time the Jeons came over for dinner and she talked about how Jungkook was getting along in the dance workshop in the US that his company had sent him to, she again, had no personal message from Jungkook to deliver to you, simply a blanket yeah, he says he misses everyone. His mother goes on and on about the new boy group that Jungkook is slated to be a part of and she talks about the other members, the current concept of it being a rap/hip hop type group and though you know you should be happy for him, that all of his effort is coming to fruition, you can’t help but feel annoyed, almost angry whenever you hear about him. It’s with each passing day that you grow bitter and each time the Jeons come around for dinner, you find an excuse to leave the house, citing a group project, or a sleepover you had to attend because you didn’t want to hear about how great Jungkook’s life in Seoul or wherever in the world he is, anymore. Just hearing his name made your blood boil because you just couldn’t understand how he had the time to tell his mother all of this but didn’t have the time to leave his mother just perhaps a word of greeting for you or how he couldn’t just reply to any one of the dozens of emails you had sent. Soon, you end up resenting him so much that you push him out of your mind completely, not even choosing to devote any one of your thoughts towards someone who seemed to want to have nothing to do with you.

Skip to year 2013, it had been far too long since you’ve given the boy you had once called your best friend a thought. You’ve managed to separate everything from him and now whenever you make music, you don’t think of him. Whenever you see his parents, you tune them out when they talk about him. All the pictures of both you and him that you had taped all around your room, are no longer there. As far as you were concerned, Jungkook was just a memory to you, someone who had once been a part of your life and you were happy with that decision for you had no qualms about not thinking of him. In fact, it had happened rather naturally instead of it being a decision you had made hastily over anger or bitterness. It was more of a decision of if he could move on without you then you could do the same. You laugh when you think about it because you make it seem like you and him are a couple and the two of you had gone through a break-up. Dramatic, is the only word you can think of on the off chance that you think of him and think of the day when he had told you he was leaving. You were 13 then, young and stupid, and when you think of the whole conversation, you guess it must’ve sounded so stupid if anyone had heard the two of you arguing. You can’t really remember why you were so angry or hurt back then and that’s really because you’ve chosen to block out all things Jungkook.

You had been doing so good, excelling in school, making memories with your friends, sneaking out late at night just to hang out with them and not a single thought of Jungkook had crept up on you in years but then that one day in June, you hear your mother shouting for you from the living room, asking you to come down quick to see what was on TV. You walk down the stairs rather lazily, sighing by the time you got to the living room only to let out a bored what? Your mother points to the TV and your eyes almost pop out of your sockets when you see him, see your ex best friend on national TV, performing his heart out. You’re speechless because that’s him, you’re sure of it but he looks so different in his stage costume and since when could he dance that well? He sounds different, the song he’s singing is much more different from the songs you made with him in your bedroom because first of all it’s professionally produced and secondly you don’t remember him ever rapping on any of the tracks you and he had made but regardless, he still sounded good. There are screams when the song ends and the screen fades to black before they show the members individually, their name and pictures side by side and when you see Jungkook’s picture flash on the screen, you can’t exactly pinpoint the emotion you’re feeling. It’s somewhere between happiness, pride and jealousy all mixed into one. By the time the second song ends, the screams are even louder, and you watch as the closing sequence shows all 7 boys with their chests heaving, sweat dripping down their faces, all of them secretly enjoying the fact that their debut stage is over despite the fact that they’re still in character, snarling at the screen.

It’s almost surreal seeing him on there. It’s crazy to think that in just 3 years, he had already achieved what you said you would with him once you had graduated from college and gone to work. It’s with that thought that you finally understand what he had meant all those years ago, that this was his shot at achieving his dreams and so far, it looks like he’s only getting closer to doing that. You’re happy for him of course you are, how can you not be… but then why is it that you have this bitter taste in your mouth? Why is it that you find yourself frowning when you think of him?

In the weeks, months and years to come, you actively try to keep any news of him and his group away from your social media but it’s hard when all your classmates ever talk about is him and his group. BTS, is what they call themselves, that much you’ve learned and year after year, they continue to release new music and though you try not to listen to it, you can’t help but listen to a short snippet whenever it’s on your timeline before you force yourself to exit out of it, turning away from your social media for the day. You claim you don’t know the slightest thing about them, but your timeline had been a ruckus when they won new artist of the year in 2013 and the subsequent year when they had performed at an award show, your timeline had just about erupted. Aside from all of that, time seems to pass by faster and faster no matter how much you beg it to slow down and though you’re sure for Jungkook it’s like there aren’t enough hours in the day for him with all the practices, recordings and shows, the same could be said for you too because before you knew it, you were sitting for the college entrance exam and then you blink your eye and you’re standing on stage, finally graduating from high school.

When you graduated from high school, you thought you would have a good few months to breathe but a few weeks later, you find yourself in Seoul, ready to embark on a new journey, finally entering college like your parents have always dreamed. Of course arriving on campus, everything felt like a dream because it was your first time in the capital city and it was your first time living in the dorms and everything seemed like a new experience. Seeing so many new faces and so many people your age, all in one place was exhilarating but as soon as classes started, and work started piling up, the excitement of being a college student disappears and is instead replaced with the reality of what it really is and that is being stressed, depressed and occasionally well dressed. The entire first semester is a whirlwind and somehow you survive finals week and make it to summer break but then just as you’re beginning to enjoy it, you’re swept up again as the second semester rolls around and you’re back to the daily grind. Your seniors tell you to stop and enjoy each day because before you know it, you’ll be graduating. Good, you thought. You just wanted to graduate and leave, anyway.

At college, avoiding BTS seems to become a tad bit harder and you’re always slightly irked whenever you hear girls talk about the group or Jungkook in particular because it finally hits you how big they’re staring to become. Granted, they’re not exactly world-wide superstars for the time being but hearing complete strangers fawn over someone who had spent afternoons in your room, picking his nose, will never not be strange to you. You see BTS from time to time on the TV in your dining halls and somehow you find yourself smiling because for one performance you see them in various costumes, Jungkook himself dressed as a police officer and to you, it’s hilarious because you never thought there’d be a day you’d see him in anything but his usual jeans and t-shirt but yet, here he is, in a police officer uniform of all things. He’s happy, or at least you think he is because he has on that smile when he’s performing and just seeing him dance and sing, it just seems right, like he’s exactly where he belongs. You can’t help but think what could have been if Jungkook hadn’t gone to Seoul way back when and at this point, it’s not really something you want to think of anymore because one day, you see him and the rest of BTS looking rather stunned after their first win but soon they’re all smiles and though you haven’t really been following the group, their expression told you all that you needed to know. From then, it was win after win after win and you’re happy for Jungkook, you really are and yet just like the time you had first saw him debut, there’s this bitterness that seems to linger.

As expected the second semester damn near knocks you out with all the work and midterms you have to sit for and this time you find yourself barely being able to crawl your way through finals week and finally, when all of that is done and dusted, you let out a heavy sigh, glad that you can at least rest during the winter break. It’s your first time spending the holiday season alone and most of your friends have gone home for the break, but you’ve decided to stay because you part-time job pays you double when you work during this season and you know you need the money. Sometimes there are slow days at your workplace and you find yourself just mindlessly watching the music program that plays on the TV. There are occasions where you see the familiar doe-eyed boy on TV with the rest of his group and by this point, you’ve given up trying to avoid the group as it is simply impossible. You hear their music being played on the streets, you see the buskers performing to their songs and you see their posters hanging outside music stores. They’re just everywhere and you suppose that’s a good thing.

You watch the TV curiously as confetti pops on the stage and BTS is yet again announced as the winner for the night and despite all that has happened, the smile on Jungkook’s face still makes you feel all warm inside. He looks so familiar and yet he seems someone so entirely different. It has been 5 years since you had last saw him at the station and of course he’s changed because so have you. With each passing day, BTS grows in popularity and you feel yourself being slowly roped in. You feel yourself growing curious as to just what made them so special. That night, out of sheer boredom or rather curiosity, you find yourself looking up their latest album, already having doubts in your mind when you hit play but when the intro comes on and you hear the husky voice of one of the group’s rappers, you find yourself slightly intrigued.

The song plays and as the lyrics talks about being doubted, about proving the naysayers wrong, about moving forward despite it all, you feel your doubts about the group slowly melting away because he had put into words your struggles and in that one song alone, you had found hope. As you slowly make your way down the track list, you feel guilt begin to creep up on you. You listen to the album for days on end, their lyrics speaking to your soul, their melodies igniting a fire within you and you regret it so much, regret thinking of Jungkook as a sell-out, as someone who had gone with whatever they told him to do just to be famous because you were wrong, so very wrong and you should’ve known better, should’ve known that Jungkook would have been the type to go for something less than conventional because he saw potential, because he saw a chance for him to become the musician he has always wanted to be.

From this mini album to the one prior, you feel youth itself being captured in the songs, from teenage angst, to the carefree attitude that came with being young, the mini albums had it all. He’s grown from the young thirteen-year-old who sang about the trivial things in life to someone who helped write and produce songs that talked about pain, love, joy and an amalgamation of emotions you never thought he was capable of. You’re sucked into some sort of hole and before you know it you’re on YouTube watching videos of him and the boys, living out their idol life. You see the struggle behind what you thought was easy success, you see the 6 other boys as big brothers, slowly shaping him into the man that he is today. You laugh to yourself thinking about the years you wasted mindlessly hating the boy and by extension the other 6 members over a few unanswered emails, over a decision he had made at 13 that has quite possibly changed his life for the better. Jungkook is out there inching closer to his dreams, living the best possible life he could and who were you to be mad at him for doing that? If anything, you were sad that you couldn’t be a part of that but really, that didn’t matter because as far as you know, he’s happy and that’s all you could ever wish for. So, maybe over the course of a few weeks you learn more and more about the group, about how they produce their own music, how they write their own lyrics, how their music resonates with you and mirrors so much of what you feel and suddenly, you find that you don’t hate them so much anymore.

Like a fool, you decide to spend little of what you have on their newest mini album. It’s to support your childhood friend, you reason. One who hasn’t so much as made an effort to contact you but he is, or rather was your best friend and though you haven’t spoken to him in 5 years, you see that he’s very much the same dork you know but just a lot more famous now. Truthfully, he’s still the boy that holds your heart, though you deny it very much and so you send in your order for the album within a heartbeat. It wasn’t much, in fact it's nothing compared to the many other fans who buy dozens of them, but this is all you can afford, and you hope your one album sale helps them in some way.

It is after the discovery of your new-found love for BTS that you finally return to producing music, dragging out the keyboard that you have long forgotten in the closet of your dorm room. You find peace in finally making music again, feeling as if you’re home again because after all, music is your love and you have neglected it for far too long. In the loneliness of the winter months, you make track after track, uploading a handful of them under a pseudonym that you’ve picked.

Navy, had been the name you had gone for because it’s a gender ambiguous name and in an industry that’s so cutthroat, you didn’t really need anything else working against you. To be fair, you expect nothing out of posting your songs online because there are no lyrics to them, only beats but it felt refreshing, pushing out original creative content and you just needed to have a place you could display them all for you to maybe one day come back and see how much you’ve grown.

The second year of college, took everything out of you and by the end of the winter semester, your will to go on was only hanging by a thread. You had been pushed into pursuing a career you know you weren’t made for, but you needed to do this, needed to succeed for your parents’ sake. When winter break finally comes around, you’re hit by yet another pang of loneliness and you turn to your trusty laptop and midi keyboard to forget about it all. The music you had posted online had gained some traction and you don’t like to brag but you have been paid a fair few times by a few large companies for some of your music and you watched as they become the base beats or samples for some of the largest hits of the summer. Of course, it hadn’t been an overnight success, it was a slow and long climb but all it took was one big break, and suddenly, you watched emails start to pour into your inbox. It’s rather interesting because there’s some sort of satisfaction with getting to see your pseudonym printed on the song credits section in the albums. Seeing it printed alongside some of the biggest names in the industry tells you that this will all be worth it, that once you’ve done your job as a filial child, you could go on and make music and it wouldn’t feel like you’re chasing an empty dream.

You produce most of your tracks during the break and usually, it doesn’t take you too long to get into the groove of making a new track or at least a catchy beat but this time, no matter what you did, everything you created either sounded horrible or too basic. With BTS’ songs playing in the background, you dig around your old files to see if you could salvage any of your abandoned WIPs but nothing seems to work. You decide to procrastinate, rearranging all your folders, sifting through old songs just for the heck of it. You play a few songs that you had made back when you were thirteen and you cringe at how they sounded so badly produced, Jungkook’s voice truly the only saving grace for a few of those tracks. It’s fine, you laugh. At least now, you could see how much you’ve grown as an artist. It’s hours after sifting through old files that you finally stumble across one that says No.1 Hit. You grin at the file fondly, remembering how Jungkook had played a simple piano melody and you had promised him that you would one day make it into a hit. You open the file, hitting play and it’s like a wave of nostalgia hits you as you hear those 5 simple keys being played. Mindlessly, you use the 5 key melody and choose to build a song around it, and you’re glad because it’s a lot better than you remember it to be, the 5 key melody Jungkook had played a relatively easy one but it wasn’t just 5 keys played in ascension, it was melodically unique enough to sound anything like a generic run of the mill ballad and for the first time in days, you manage to make progress on a track.

You work on the song tirelessly, it’s the only thing you do for days now that you have this new-found drive to make some music and so, you finish the song just a day away from Christmas and you tell yourself it’s a gift from you, to yourself. The finished product is a reminder that you still had it in you, that despite the fact that the semester had absolutely destroyed you, you could always return to music and make something you were proud of. You’ve come so far, you smile and perhaps you’re not as successful as Jungkook, not even close, but you were making a name for yourself and you allow yourself to take that as a small form of victory. You find it so funny that back then when the two of you were just sat in your room, talking about what ifs and what your future would be like, you would have never imagined this. You would never imagine Jungkook becoming an idol and you would never imagine yourself creating hit songs in a small dorm room. You play the song over and over again, and you’re taken back to 6 years ago in your bed room where he had first played the simple piano melody and you find yourself imagining Jungkook’s voice on the track, his soft crooning warming up your heart in the middle of your bedroom but ah, it’s a dream that never will be. He’ll never hear the song anyway, you scoff. You play the song another handful of times before you decide to head to the convenience store that’s just a block away, hoping that some alcohol might help dull the loneliness and pain you seem to be feeling.

It’s when you take a swig out of your now half empty bottle of soju that you play your song another time and at this point you wonder if it’s considered vain to play something you made over and over again, almost as if you were just staring at a picture of yourself for hours on end. After taking a short break from hearing your song for yet another time, the cheap convenience store soju gives you the brilliant idea of creating a faux email for the day just for the heck of it. You can hear your brain telling yourself that it’s the worst idea on earth but really with the amount of soju you’ve drank, you can barely discern right from wrong anymore. Your fingers type hastily on your keyboard and you think hard before laughing as you type in a new username. Busanbeats, you type out. It’s the silly little name you and Jungkook had given your so-called ‘studio’ when the two of you were 11. 

Congratulations! You have just made a new account. Hello, Busanbeats. 

You snicker at the new email sitting in your inbox. Busanbeats, god, how long has it been since you last saw that name? You’re surprised you even remember it.

You click on the compose button, a small window opening up for the new mail you’re about to send. Your cursor blinks in the recipient section of the e-mail and you mumble to yourself trying to remember just what his username is. Kook… Kookster? Kooksterz? Was there a Z or was it an S instead? Kooksterz97, you mumble to yourself… and you sigh typing it in before you pressed enter. You wonder if he still uses this email. Perhaps he’s abandoned it, probably having created a new username, a more professional one instead. Doesn’t matter, you shrug. Whether he really got the email or not didn’t matter to you. You just needed to put it out there somehow, that you on your own had created a song off of a simple piano track that had been played some 6 odd years ago, and this email was just that, a small trick to tell yourself that yeah, you did it, shared it with someone you actually personally know… or rather knew.

Merry Christmas, is the title of your email. You had decided on it as you watched the minute hand tick closer to midnight. You stare long and hard at the empty email, trying to think of what would be an appropriate message to send an ex-best friend. You’re not so sure he remembers you, let alone Busanbeats. For all you know, you’ve got his username wrong, you laugh or maybe like all those years ago, he wouldn’t even read the email. The cursor blinks in the empty box and without thinking, your hand sweeps across the keyboard, typing out what you’ve actually been wanting to say for 6 years now.  

I miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.

10 words, that’s all there is to your email.

You attach the sound file after glancing at your message again, quickly smashing the send button before you sign out and slam your laptop shut. You turn off the lights, crawl to bed and tuck yourself in just so the soju won’t give you anymore grand ideas. Merry Christmas, you whisper to yourself as you glance at the clock on the wall that showed that it’s now just a little past 12 in the morning. As you drift off to sleep, you wonder where Jungkook is because you remember that summer you had heard BTS was on yet another world tour. You let out a short snort, remembering how the two of you had once promised each other that one day, the both of you would travel the world together. You wonder if those faraway countries are anything like he’s imagined them to be. Truthfully, you’re a tad bit jealous because there he is slowly ticking off dozens of items on the checklist of things you had once promised each other while you on the other hand... you’re just here, trapped in a life that you’ve realized too belatedly that you’re not meant for. You can’t help but think that Jungkook has everything. He has the career, the 6 members that are family to him and an army of fans that love him and his group wholeheartedly, while you’re here, just… feeling alone, alone and alone.

Jungkook is exhausted, his limbs are screaming at him as he lays in his bed, finally able to rest after a tiring day of practice for yet another award show. He looks at his phone to see a new email, one sent to the spare email account from his childhood that he uses to sign up for games. He opens up the app to see the new message staring back at him and he damn near drops his phone.

Busanbeats.

The username makes his heart drop and soar at the same time and he doesn’t know what to do. The title of the email says Merry Christmas and he’s so afraid of opening it because what if it isn’t you? What if it’s someone sending incriminating photos of him to blackmail him with? Not that he’s done anything incriminating as of late, but the email is so out of the blue that he doesn’t really know what it could be. What if it’s some fan who’s done way too much research and has found out about his past, found out about you? Not that he’s embarrassed of either but it’s his little secret, one he wants to hold onto forever because his mind often returns to memories of you and him in your bedroom making silly tracks. Those memories make him smile, make him long to travel back in time just to hear you laugh with him again.

He misses you so much, by god does he miss you. He thinks about you all the time, too much in fact. He’s always so close, so close to dropping you a message on any one of your social media accounts, all of which he’s following under guise of a fake account. He wonders why you let strangers follow you but hey he’s not complaining because this way he feels as though he gets to see you go through life, almost as if he was right there beside you. He realizes just how creepy that may sound but honestly, it’s one of the little joys in his life, watching the little stories you post or the pictures you post, accompanied with captions about the day or just a funny one-liner. Though the two of you are apart, he feels like the two of you are growing up together because as odd as it seems, you’re still irrevocably you. Of course, you’ve changed in some way but there are still things about you that hasn’t changed, like how you constantly groan about homework or how you would light up whenever you see a dog on the street, which is evident from the stories you would always post and truthfully, no matter how many times he sees them, he never gets tired of it. Whenever you talk about that new song you like or that new movie you watched in any one of your posts, he tries to nonchalantly fit it in somehow into either one of the behind the scenes videos his company puts up of him and the boys or in one of his rare tweets, hoping on the off chance that you’d see it and connect the dots. Though, he finds that to be an idea that’s a little too far-fetched because from what his mother had told him, you didn’t really care about him anymore. Of course, she had put it in a much lighter, softer way but he knew that’s what she meant.

Jungkook lets out a sigh, once again staring at his screen. His phone is literally trembling in his hand, his thumb hovering above the email and he shuts his eyes, letting out a deep breath before he taps onto the message, finally opening the email up. Slowly, he peels his eyes open and he sees that the message has 10 words to it and all it takes is those 10 words for tears to start forming at the corners of his eyes.

I miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.

There’s a muffled sob that leaves his lips and he quickly wipes away the tears that are beginning to roll down his cheeks. He can’t be sure that it’s you but if it is, he wants you to know that he misses you too. How much? He’ll never be able to put into words, but he misses you so much his heart aches whenever he thinks about you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, is what your message says and of course he’s happy where he is now. His body may feel like it’s breaking apart with the amount of work he’s put in as of late but he’s happy because he’s able to do what he loves as a job but as cliché as it sounds, he’d be happier if he was able to share it all with you because after all, you are his best friend and he’s never thought otherwise even if the two of you haven’t spoken in years.

Jungkook sighs, just staring at the email until he notices there’s an attachment at the bottom of it, an mp3 file that simply says, untitled, and his heart stops beating for a second because is it you? Will he finally get to hear you say his name after 6 long years? Are you laughing in it? Are you screaming at him in it? It doesn’t matter… as long as he could just hear you say his name again, he’d be happy.

He hits play and there’s a few beats of silence before he hears a tune play. It’s a song, and it seems vaguely familiar, yet not until he hears the 5 keys, the same ones he had played all those years ago and he knows, it’s that song. It takes everything for him to not break down and cry and he plays the song over and over again until he finds that it’s way past his bedtime. That night, or rather morning, he spends a good half an hour or so typing out paragraph after paragraph. By the time he finally gains the courage to send you the email, it’s well past 3 in the morning. When he finally tucks himself into bed, he goes to sleep with the sweetest smile on his lips, his mind drifting off to thoughts of you.

In the following days, Jungkook and his phone are inseparable as he constantly refreshes his email again and again. The other members notice the youngest being rather odd, always muttering by himself, nervously gnawing on his lips as if he’s anxious about something. Must be the stress, they think because the last few days of the year are always the most stressful as they would have back to back performances at all the year-end award shows and if that wasn’t enough, they’re thinking about the nominations they have, heart fluttering at the thought of perhaps snagging a few awards of their own.

Jungkook sends the email again to the Busanbeats account far too many times but at this point he’s gone far past desperate and all he wants to do is to talk to you. His fingers hover over your various social media accounts and all he has to do is send it to you there, to any one of those pages but with your picture staring back at him, it suddenly feels too real, and he’s afraid that the Busanbeats email isn’t from you. He knows he’s being ridiculous because it can’t possibly be from anyone else but you but maybe what he fears the most is being left on read, or even worse, getting a reply from you where you just tell him how much you hate him. He spends days mulling over what to do before he decides he would just continue to care for you from afar, his fragile ego stopping him from doing what he wants to do the most, which is to reach out to you. Instead, he spends many of his days hunched over his table, writing down line after line of lyrics, his bin slowly being filled up with crumpled paper as he finds that he can’t seem to find the right words to fit the song.

As 2016 bleeds into 2017, Jungkook and the boys gear up for the upcoming world tour that they have, one that’s slated to be the longest tour they’ve ever been on. They practice day in, day out trying to iron all of the kinks out in their dance routines, making sure the spacing is perfect, that the band is ready and that the back-up dancers are prepared. There’s so much going on that Jungkook feels he barely has time to stop and breathe. In fact, the only solace he finds in all the crazy days he’s had is when he returns home and gets to watch your story for the day. Usually it’s nothing much, just what you ate or perhaps a few pictures of the streets of Seoul or maybe a dog that you had met at the park. It’s the mundane little things that you do that oddly brings him peace. He’s often imagined what it would be like to run into you on one of his off days. He wonders if you’ll even recognize him, wonders if you even know he exists anymore. Though he isn’t left wondering for long because when he opens up your story for the day after a particularly exhausting day at work, he’s met with a small snippet of you bobbing your head along to BTS’ latest song, an embarrassed laugh accompanying your dance before the video fades to a picture of the drink you had got at a café. Jungkook replays the short video so many times that he thinks he might be slightly deranged. It’s the tiny caption that’s on your video that gets him. It’s a few lines of text saying, this is the 4th time I heard this song today. There’s no escaping BTS huh? (ps guys, don’t lie… how many of you have dropped the I went to school with Jungkook line just to impress someone?). Jungkook can’t wipe off the smile on his face because his name… you had typed his name… You know of his group and you know their songs and you still thought of him… maybe not in the way he wanted you to but at least you did. It’s lame and childish, he knows but he can never think straight when it comes to you and anything you say or do that’s remotely cute sends his heart bouncing off at a speed he’s not comfortable with. Yet again, because of you, he goes to bed that night with the stupidest smile on his lips.

In the midst of your winter break, around early February, you get a rare call from your mother saying that a letter had arrived at the house, one that was addressed to you and that she had forwarded it to your current address. Confused, you decide to check your mailbox that day to find a dozen or so pamphlets and spam mail before finally, you find a letter with nothing but your name and home address printed on it. You open up the envelope to find two things. A ticket and a short letter. You furrow your brows in confusion, smoothing out the folded piece of paper to read its contents.

Hey Y/N, it’s been a long time. How have you been? Good, I hope. Anyway, the boys and I are having a concert in Seoul soon. I hope to see you there.

Best,

Jungkook.

You stare at the letter in utter confusion because, Jungkook? Is this really Jungkook? Is this a joke? It has to be… Perhaps one of your friends from primary school had decided to play a prank on you. You fish out the ticket to see the holographic sticker on it, indicating that the ticket is indeed real and it’s one that puts you in the VIP section along with special guests and family members.

It’s odd to think that Jungkook would send you this… It has been 7 years since you last saw him and it has been 7 long years of silence. Why now? You question. You read the letter a few times over before you let out a short snort. It’s Jungkook for sure, you can tell as much from his handwriting but his letter sounds so prim and proper, so robotic... nothing at all like the Jungkook you know but then again you realize you haven’t seen him in a long time and by now, he’s practically a stranger to you. If you really thought about it, you hadn’t really known him back then either because if he kept that audition 7 years ago a secret from you, who knows what else he’s hidden from you. You tuck the ticket and letter back into the envelope, placing it on your desk, looking at it from time to time, wondering if you should really go.

Technically, going to a BTS concert is an opportunity of a lifetime. Their tickets sell out in a matter of minutes and as far as you know, scalpers were selling them double, triple the price and even then, there are still people who are willing to pay that price. Though you’re not really ready to admit it, you rather like the band. You love the sincerity in their lyrics, the variety in their songs, the insane dance routines, the complexity of their accompanying story about youth and of course, the fact that all 7 of them look like they’ve been carved by Adonis himself, only helped sell their case more. It’s their music that spurs you to create more, to challenge yourself to become a better artist and if you asked yourself if you really wanted to go, the answer would be without a doubt, yes. Yet, you find yourself hesitating, debating between going and just staying home but soon enough, the day comes and hours before the concert you tell yourself fuck it before you grab your phone and head out the door.

When you get to the venue, it’s like a madhouse. You see the queue snaking around the stadium, tents set up for merchandise sale along the pavement and people everywhere with banners, posters, fans, whatever you could think of, they had it. The LED screens light up with footage of the boys, their names and pictures being displayed. Seeing Jungkook on the big screen, seeing the excitement first hand, honestly, it scares you a little. You stand in the queue alone, not knowing yourself where to go or what to do. There’s an obvious air of anticipation around the outside of the stadium, thousands of fans eager to finally see the boys kick off their live tour. As you get closer to the front of the queue, your heart starts to palpitate for no reason whatsoever. When the beep of the handheld machine used to scan the tickets grow louder, you wipe your hands at your pants, unsure as to why you’re feeling so nervous. It’s a split-second decision. With only a few more people until it’s your turn, you decide to jump the barricade and head on home. You can see people staring at you quizzically but the pressure of finally seeing your ex-best friend after 7 long years just makes you feel anxious and at this point in time, you think, it’s something you can’t deal with just yet.

You’re an idiot, a certified idiot because you return home to watch the concert through crappy handheld live streams when you could’ve been there watching it with your very own eyes but no, you’re a coward and you’re stubborn so you’re here dealing with the consequences of your personality. BTS are all smiles that night and it warms your heart knowing how much this concert means to them, how much their fans mean to them and when it’s all over and done with, you return to your own bed, feeling rather blue, as if you had actually attended that concert that night and you were feeling the full effects of post-concert blues.

Jungkook and the boys retreat back stage after they finally say goodbye to their fans and the curtains come down, signifying the end of the show. They bow diligently towards each other, and the staff, thanking each and everyone for their hard work tonight. Jungkook sinks down onto the couch, wiping away his sweat as he drinks a cool bottle of water. Everyone’s in a relatively good mood, congratulating each other for putting on a good performance and the boy pipes in on the conversation every once in a while, reminiscing the notable moments of the second day, somehow quite glad that they were able to close out the Seoul show with a bang. As the conversation continues, he slides off to the far corner of the room, searching for a particular staff member and when he finally finds who he’s looking for, he feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“Did… did she come?” He asks, his voice barely a whisper.

The staff member looks at him rather quizzically before a moment of realization hits him when Jungkook gestures towards a ticket.

“Oh! Uhh, I’m sorry but nobody showed up,” He frowns.

“Ah, right… that’s okay, thanks,” He smiles weakly before bowing at him.

To be fair Jungkook didn’t expect you to show up but he sure hoped that you would. The ticket had got to you, that he made sure of because his mother had informed him that yes, your mother had sent it to you. He wonders if you were busy, if you perhaps had something better to do with your weekend. He tries not to think about it but he can’t deny that he’s a little hurt. In any case, he isn’t given much time to dwell on his feelings because the week following the Seoul show is as chaotic as ever. The whole company in an absolute ruckus as everyone ties up the loose ends before the boys head over to Chile for their first international show of the year.

The next few months are complete chaos as they go from city to city, from Chile to Brazil over the course of just a few weeks. As if performing overseas itself isn’t already a dream to him, then comes the notification of their nomination at the BBMAs and an invite to attend the award show. Subsequently winning the award and seeing all the international stars that he’s only ever had the pleasure of seeing through a screen, stand right in front of him and talk to him, it’s almost like he’s in heaven but of course, he doesn’t have much time to savour that feeling because the next day, he finds himself on another plane, on to another place. They hit a myriad of cities in America before heading back to Asia to perform in a slew of different countries, the boys entirely excited to put on show after show no matter how tiring it is. All 7 of them simply get into the routine of putting on shows and enjoying little of what is their down time, exploring a few cities here and there. Just as they think they can finally relax, then comes the announcement of their performance at the AMAs and the boys find themselves back in America again. It’s an exciting experience, one that Jungkook thinks he’ll never forget but when he finally returns home, months later and performs the last two shows to close out the tour, he breathes a sigh of relief, glad that the year has been nothing but good to him.

All the while as he flew from country to country, he never once missed any of your posts, the little pictures and clips of Seoul has him yearning to return but then he sees the sold-out stadiums each night and he remembers why exactly he’s out there traveling the world. He had returned to Seoul with a light heart and a bag full of postcards that he adds to his ever-growing collection. He thinks his year can’t get any better but mid-December as everything settles, the shock of winning a few more awards finally starting to ebb away, the boys get news that they finally got a slot with the ever elusive up and coming producer who went by the pseudonym of Navy. Everyone’s on the edge of their seat, counting down the days they finally get to meet the mysterious Navy. There’s been huge debate amongst the boys and resident producers at the company on who Navy actually is and though they’ve scoured the internet for clues, the theories online only make things seem murkier, a hundred and one theories floating around as to who exactly Navy is.

Navy.

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows whenever he hears the name. He’s visited their online profile a fair few times, reading the small blog posts they link whenever they answer a few questions from fans. Jungkook can’t explain it but this Navy seems so familiar and honestly, he thinks he’s a little crazy but whoever Navy is… seems to be a lot like you. From your favourite food, to your favourite colour and even down right to your favourite Disney movie. Jungkook knew all of those, still did even though it’s been 7 years. Oddly, all those details seemed to match with you. Aside from that, the songs they produce obviously does not sound like anything both you and him used to make but one day when a fan asks what one of their old songs sounds like, Jungkook thinks it’s definitely you because when hears the clip, he notes that it sounds like one of the clips you had played for him some years ago and he can’t seem to shake the feeling that somehow, Navy is his childhood friend, his best friend. As he listens to each song Navy is accredited to, he seems more convinced it's you because he notices a trend, notices you using similar instruments, the unconventional ones you’ve always loved using. Be it the odd strings here and there or the uncommon percussion instruments from various traditional instruments, the songs sound so you, albeit it’s a new and improved you. Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to tell anyone… afraid he would sound like a madman. So, all he does is wait, wait for the day Navy would walk through the front doors of the building.

2017 zooms by you before you can even blink. Your last year in college was perhaps the worst out of all your 3 years here but as you look at yourself in the mirror, standing in your graduation robe with your graduation cap in hand, you can’t help but smile at the thought that you’ve finally made it. On a chilly winter day, in the middle of the hall, you along with hundreds of others throw your caps up to the ceiling, celebrating the fact that now, all of you could finally go out and venture into the real world. The day is filled with many smiles and despite the amount of stress you had been through, the amount of sleepless nights you had begrudgingly suffered through and the numerous mental breakdowns you’ve cried your way through, you think it’s all worth it when you see your parents grin at you, telling you the 4 words you’ve always wanted to hear, that being, I’m proud of you.

Though your parents have always wished that you would go on to get that classic office job, you’ve pretty much shown yourself that you love music enough to be able to make it into a career. You know they haven’t always thought so, not even when the money you sent home seemed to be far too much for a college student to be making but it’s after a lot of coaxing from your part that they finally relent. Of course, the little luxuries you bought them helped push them over to your side. At least you have a degree to fall back on… in case things don’t work out, they murmur, and you snort, thanking them for their confidence. You understand though, they only want the best for you and to them the best was doing what was conventional. But you, you’ve always been rather the opposite of conventional and though your parents have always known that, perhaps they didn’t want to admit that until now. When they leave to return back to Busan, you can’t help but cry. They’re mostly tears of joy though because you feel like you’ve done what they’ve always expected of you and now that’s another burden finally rolling off your shoulders.

When you move out of the dorms and into the new apartment you’ve rented, it feels like the start of something new, the start of a new chapter and maybe you’re only this excited because you finally get to pursue your passion as a career. You huff, checking your schedule for the next few days when you see a big red Big Hit Entertainment taking up the Wednesday of your week. It’s rather ridiculous for you to think that you’re finally going to be able to work with the band that you love so much. Truth is, when you saw the email sitting in your inbox a few months ago, you had screamed and then subsequently archived the email away, feeling rather unworthy of being able to work with them, almost feeling like you’re not good enough. But as the end of the semester approached and graduation was just around the corner, you thought to yourself, what the heck, that you had nothing to lose from saying yes so, you email Big Hit back 3 months, yes three, after they had sent you that email. You had said something along the lines of if they’re still interested then you would love to work with BTS. Their response had come back almost immediately and by the end of the exchange, you found yourself booked to meet BTS and a few of their staff, the week after your graduation.

The Wednesday you have been waiting for comes soon enough and it’s just after midday when you stride into Big Hit’s headquarters. You approach the desk meekly, citing the appointment you had and with a smile, one of the staff leads you up to the meeting room. The room looks exactly like one of those big board rooms you see on TV and you can see a dozen or so people sitting around the table. As you take a glance, noting the 7 boys seated at the end of the table and the main producers at the company sitting off to their side, your palms begin to sweat, your bag almost slipping out of your grip. You can see Jungkook swiveling his chair around, excitedly chatting with the boys and you swear you could hear the sound of your heartbeat in your ears, the prospect of seeing him after so many years suddenly hitting you full force. You hesitate at the door, taking a step back, bumping into the side of the staff that had led you up here.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble. “I just need a few seconds to just—” You let out a large nervous sigh and she gives you a polite smile, nodding her head in understanding.

Through the small glass panel on the door, you can see all the producers you’ve only dreamed of working with, you see the band you’ve only dreamed of meeting. You want to work with BTS, of course you do. Their music inspired you to begin again and to work with them would be an absolute honour. But Jungkook… what if you meet him and he’s nothing like you remembered him to be, not the same boy who till this day still holds a major part of your heart. What if he looks at you and he hates what you’ve become? You don’t understand why you’re putting so much importance on what he thinks when he was the one who had abandoned you in the first place. His opinion shouldn’t matter, you thought and if anything, you’ll be able to get through it, you sigh. It’s with another deep breath that you finally turn to the lady, giving her a small nod and she smiles, reaching over to push the door open for you.

When the door swings open and you take a few hesitant steps forward, the room falls into pin-drop silence. You gulp, looking around the room, trying hard to avoid any eye-contact, your eyes darting around before you purse your lips and begin,

“Hello… I’m uhh… Navy.”

That sounded horrible, lame, you groan. It was nothing like the persona you had wanted to project.

There’s excited murmuring before everyone greets you and you’re shown to your seat. You gladly take your place, noting that your knees were about to give in from how nervous you are. This is your first time corresponding with artists and producers in person. Most of the time, your work is mostly done through numerous emails and calls and you’ve never actually had the experience of being in a board room like this.

Introductions begin, and they sweep around the room, from the producers, to those in charge of vocal arrangements, to anyone you could think of that was part of the music making process until finally, it reaches the 7 boys. They all greet you excitedly, stating their names one by one and you nod your head intently at each greeting, flashing them a smile, each time. It finally reaches the boy at the end of the table, the one you’ve avoided looking at since you stepped into the room and when your eyes meet his, you hear him clear his throat before he licks at his lips nervously.

“I-I’m Jungkook, the main vocalist of the band,” He stammers and despite your nervousness, you almost let out a light laugh. 7 years on and he was still the same shy boy you had met in the music room almost 13 years ago.

Everyone peers back at you, waiting for a proper introduction and you straighten your back, before you start.

“Like I said earlier, I’m Navy but uh… my real name is Y/N,” You smile, rubbing your hands together as you gaze around the room, your eyes meeting Jungkook’s for a second too long. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

It’s a dream. It’s a dream. It’s a dream. That’s all Jungkook can think this is. He almost wants to scream for everyone to leave because all he wants is just a moment with you. Just one. It breaks his heart how nonchalant you look, your eyes sweeping over him as if he’s just like everyone else in the room. He knows that you know him, that you remember him but nothing you say or do shows that you even care that this is the first time you’re meeting him in years. In his mind, he’s thought of this situation over and over again. He’s thought about meeting you on the street here in Seoul, meeting you perhaps back in Busan over the holiday season, even someday meeting you right here in the company. Never once has he imagined you like this, so cold, so uncaring towards him. Of course, he’d want the reunion to be happy but he knows that’s unlikely and he’d rather see you sad or furious, or just see some type of emotion, any emotion because at least then it would mean that you care but this, seeing you so detached from him makes his heart ache in more ways than one.

The meeting edges more towards the serious side and you have to stop yourself from almost letting out a laugh when both Namjoon and Yoongi pipe up to tell you that they too take part in the music production side of things. You almost want to blurt out that you know that, that you also know all of their names by heart, maybe even knew their birthdates, but you guess it isn’t really the time nor place for that. Instead, you play track after track, noting the responses from the room, the small comments from the producers and the boys and you won’t lie, maybe you’re blushing a little because everyone seems to be enjoying the short snippets you’ve played for them.

“I can really see this track being one of the main songs on the next album,” One of the producers say as everyone in the room nods in agreement. You can do nothing but smile stupidly, because all of this feels like a dream to you and at this very moment you’re on another plane of existence, one where you’re feeling inexplicable joy.

It’s just about the end of your repertoire and you’ve played all the tracks that you think would suit BTS. There’s one more track sitting at the end of the list you have compiled and you hesitate, wondering if you should play it. You look up quickly to note Jungkook sulking in the corner and even if he’s said nothing the whole time, which honestly hurts you a little, you wonder if you could coax him out of his shell with this one track. You wonder if he remembers it and though you know you had tried sending it to him while drunk that one time, you’re quite sure he didn’t get it or maybe he did… and he actually hates it, you’ll never know because you had tried signing into that Busanbeats email account the day after but you couldn’t seem to figure out the password that drunk you had set the night before. But, you’re rather proud of the track. It’s in a style you’ve never tried before but still, it sounded great and you knew that this song fits BTS perfectly, especially since it was their music that night that had got you started on working on the track and the fact that Jungkook had in some way helped in the creation of this song, you think it’d be a rather fitting addition to their upcoming album. You shrug to yourself and decide on playing it for them because the worst that could happen was that they could say no, right?

“Oh, uhh… this next track,” You start, interrupting the conversation that was happening between a few of the people sat across you. “I… I actually made it while I was in a slump and it was your music—” You gestured towards the boys, your eyes stopping at Jungkook for a short while before you turn away. “—that helped me out of it. It was your music that sparked my muse.”

Everyone is waiting intently, listening in for that first beat. The music starts playing and it’s too familiar, Jungkook thinks and after just two seconds, when the first piano note sounds, Jungkook already knows the song. He’s stunned for a moment, his mind reeling as he watches you glance around the room nervously. He turns to see everyone else smiling, clearly enjoying the song and he shouldn’t say anything, he should just keep quiet like he has been doing the entire meeting but he’s speaking before he can stop himself.

“No. We wont be using this song.”

“Jungkook!” You hear Taehyung scold, the other boys soon following along.

“W-Wh— I think it’s perfect for the group,” You defend. “It’s a soft ballad with space for the rappers—"

“No.”

“Jungkook, what’s wrong with y—” Yoongi grumbles, obviously frustrated with the younger boy’s sudden outburst before he’s interrupted by Jungkook himself.

“I made that melody and I say, we can’t use this song.”

“Dude, what are you on about?” Hoseok questions.

“Jungkook, I-I thought you’d be happy,” You mumble. “Honestly, I thought you’d like it… with 7 of you on there it’ll—”

“It’s our song,” He murmurs. “You can’t give away our song.”

There’s an eerie silence to the room and you can feel the awkward tension in the air, the confused faces staring back at the both of you making you squirm in your seat.

“Okay… So, that’s a no to this song then,” you smile awkwardly. “That’s umm… all I have for today really so…” You clasp your hands together uncomfortably, slowly rising from your seat, unsure exactly how these meetings ended.

Thankfully, one of the staffs calls you to the side to talk about scheduling, asking for any more of your free days and a few of the other producers join in on the conversation. Oddly, it makes you feel a bit better after what had just happened and you’re glad that everyone is simply brushing the situation aside, instead talking about how they’d like you to help them develop some of the tracks they have in the works and perhaps how they could work with some of your tracks too.

When all the scheduling is over and done with, a few of the boys come over to apologize on behalf of Jungkook and you wave your hand at them, telling them that it was fine and you know everyone wants to ask the same question, wants to ask you what he had meant exactly when he said that he had made the melody but from the clenched fists and intense stares that Jungkook sent you during the altercation, they think it’s best to hold their tongue. With a last few goodbyes, you finally move to exit the room and you thank the fact that Jungkook has long since disappeared. You don’t really know what to do or say if he had been there and everyone would be watching the both of you, waiting for some sort of explanation for the weird tension between the two of you.

You step out into the hallway, insisting that you could find your own way out and you don’t tell them this but it’s really because you don’t want anyone to ask you any Jungkook related questions during the awkward silence in the elevator ride down to the ground floor. You’re humming to yourself as you wait for the elevator, smiling because despite it all, you deserve a pat on the back today for handling a big meeting on your own so well given the weird circumstance you were put in as well. When you hear the elevator ding, you let out a large sigh of relief, glad you could retire to your home soon and take a big fat nap.

Your feet wobble in the high heels that you had put on today and you click lightly on the button that says the ground floor. There’s the sound of hurried footsteps just as the door closes and without thinking, you click rapidly on the open button, glancing up only to fully regret your decision when you’re met face to face with your ex best friend. You panic, and you’re not sure why you do it but you try to push him out of the elevator, slamming on the close button but Jungkook must’ve anticipated your move because he fights his way back into the elevator and you let out a groan of defeat when you see the door finally close behind him.

Jungkook’s chest is heaving with exhaustion from the tiny scuffle and you’ve retreated to the corner, simply staring at your feet because you’re not sure where else to look.

“Y-Y/N, how’ve you been?” Is his sad attempt at trying to salvage the situation.

“Um, alright, I guess…” Is your reply and you’re not entirely sure what this is... this weird polite conversation you’re having. Is he genuinely trying to make small talk with you right now? Regardless, you assume you would have to keep the conversation going because what were you going to do? Stay silent as the elevator goes down another 15 floors? “And how about you? Great, probably,” You laugh, very awkwardly and good god this conversation is so painful that you almost wish you could just dissipate into thin air.

“Well, I’m better now that you’re here. A whole lot better,” He smiles and you let out an ugly snort before you shake your head at him and laugh, because really? Of all things to say, he chose to say that?

His heart flips in his chest at the sound of your laughter, because as cliché and gross as it sounds, it’s his favourite sound on this entire earth.

“Hmm, I see you’re even more of a charmer now too, huh?”

There’s 1000 things he wants to say, had thought up multiple words, sentences to say to you when he was in the bathroom just minutes ago, practicing his lines in the mirror but right here, right now, his mind is drawing a blank.

“Oh, by the way, I’m sorry about the song…” You mumble, noting now that perhaps you should’ve asked for his permission first before playing it because he was right, he did make that base melody and so that meant this is just as much his song as it is yours. “I guess you don’t like it but I—”

“No, no!” Jungkook shakes his head vehemently and the expression he gives you is almost like he’s horrified. “I love it. I love the song. I’ve been listening to it ever since you sent it to me.”

Sent it to him? Oh… Oh… So he did get the email after all?

“Oh right, that,” You laugh. “Then what gives?”

His heart breaks when he hears you say that because how could you not see how special the song is? How could you be so ready to give it away?

“It’s just ours,” He mumbles. “Yours and mine and maybe I’m just… selfish like that,” He murmurs, shifting his weight from one feet to the other and you let out a quiet scoff, noting how much the last part of his sentence had sounded just like what he had said all those years ago.

“I guess not everything about you has changed then,” You smile as the elevator dings, prompting the both of you to walk out.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything as he continues to follow you, walking by your side until you reach the exit. His mind is nothing but a big mess now and he can’t seem to be able to string a sentence together because seeing you right in front of him, it’s like his body is still in shock. He didn’t know what to say first, didn’t know whether it was appropriate to just tell you how much he misses you, that he’s so happy for you because you’ve finally graduated and he knows how much of a struggle college was for you, that he loves all the songs you’ve managed to produce over the past years... but he didn’t want you to think he’s a stalker. It’s been 7 long years and it almost feels like this is him making a new first impression but before he can get any one of those things out, he hears you saying a quiet, well, bye, I guess... and he calls for your name when he finally registers your sentence but by then, you’ve disappeared into the taxi and he’s left standing at the front entrance of his workplace looking like a complete fool.

With his head hanging low, Jungkook retreats back up to the meeting room where everyone is still lounging around in and the moment he steps in, he could feel everyone staring at him.

“Honestly Jungkook, what was with your attitude the entire meeting and what’s with the whole song thing?” Namjoon asks.

“We just… we know each other,” He mumbles. “I grew up with her. She’s my… was my…” He can’t even complete the sentence now, not after all that has happened today.

“Oh, she’s her,” Jimin shakes his head, almost laughing. Jungkook didn’t talk much about his life back in Busan, but when he did, he would almost always talk about you. The details about what happened between you and him remain blurry to him and to the rest of the boys but all that they know is that you and him were once best friends who made music together and he had left abruptly to come up to Seoul and join the company.

“Wow, you’re friends with one of the upcoming and most talked about producer in the industry and you didn’t tell us?” Jin jokes, trying to turn the situation around, noting the deep frown Jungkook is wearing.

“Well I didn’t know for sure until today…” He sighs. “And then she played the song too… the song with the melody that I… the one we promised each other we would…” He lets out another series of sighs and everyone in the room is only more confused because Jungkook isn’t really clearing up anything with all his incomplete sentences. “Let’s just go for practice, please,” He grumbles, leaving the meeting room with his shoulders drooping down, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he mumbles to himself. So much for a first impression, he mumbles to himself.

Meeting Jungkook again isn’t what you had expected it to be. You had always imagined telling him just how much him leaving you had hurt you, that the fact that he had slowly forgotten you had hurt you even more but when you saw him standing in front of you, all quiet, looking at you as if he was waiting for you to say something, you found yourself tongue-tied. You guess it’s for the best, that you should leave all of that behind because it’s stupid to hold a grudge for so long and if he could move past everything that has happen, then you can too. You can be the bigger person and let everything slide. All you want is for the both of you to have a professional relationship at most, hopefully never having a repeat of what had happened in the meeting room just a few minutes ago. You’ll be heading back to Big Hit in just two days to explore more ideas for the upcoming album and you hope that then, you and Jungkook can finally clear the air.

Part 2

A/N: I swear this was meant to be a oneshot but as always, i got carried away lol so there will be a part 2!!!!!!! anyway thank you for reading! and as always, feedback is welcome (:

[sockablock]

Something New for Me and You

• (start) (AO3) (prev) (next) • 

Chapter 3: Winter Air in the Library

Today 3:27 AM

Molly Tealeaf: hey there! Molly Tealeaf: i got your number from the movie chat haha Molly Tealeaf: i just wanted to let you know how much fun I had tonight! Molly Tealeaf: you have an excellent singing voice Molly Tealeaf: and we should absolutely do this again ‘(~˘▾˘)’~ Molly Tealeaf: and maybe im being forward but if you ever want to talk about what happened w the electricity? Molly Tealeaf: also I still need to give you that jacket back, don’t i Molly Tealeaf: anyhow you’re probably asleep now so i’ll talk to you later Molly Tealeaf: good night mister caleb!

•

“My sneakers are still fine,” said Nott as Caleb chewed the end of his expo marker and drummed his fingers against the tabletop. “You can cross that one off the list.”

“Are you certain?” he pressed. “They are looking rather tattered, and if I sell the clothes Jester got me then we should be—”

“No way,” Nott frowned, shaking her head. “That was a present! You can’t sell it, what if she asks to see them? Or what if you need to go on another fancy date?”

Caleb scoffed. “I do not think I will be doing that anytime soon,” and then his expression softened. “But you are right. That would be rude to Jester. Fine,” he sighed, and drew a line through ‘new sneakers’ on the whiteboard. “We can see if there is enough money next month.”

“Hey, hey, what about the rings I stole, though?” Nott asked. “Maybe they’ll be worth something this time. Or, if we really need to, we can try running some cons.”

Caleb nodded slowly. “We can go see how the rings sell later, when Bibelots is open. As for trying old tricks, that might have to be a plan C, or even D. I do not really want any undue attention from the law. Better to steal from the shadows.”

She shrugged, and reached across the table to pull Frumpkin into her lap. “Whatever you say, Caleb.”

“Okay,” he said, and scribbled a final number at the bottom of the board. “This should work. If we are careful, in a month, we will have enough electricity to use the television and charge our belongings at home, for sure.”

“Really?” she asked, face brightening. “That’s great! Then we can host movie night, when it’s our turn!”

His triumphant expression turned slightly sheepish. “Yes, spatz, then we can. I take it you know what happened, last night?”

“Yep. I did want to check the TV to make sure, first, but I would’ve said something if Molly hadn’t interrupted—”

Caleb quickly shook his head. “Nein, no, I am…glad that you did not.”

She frowned. “How come?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, er,” he said, “I do not want the others to know that we are struggling, financially.”

“What? Why not?”

He felt wretched as he sighed and said, “I don’t want them to think down on us. We are poor, and they are not. Well, at least we know that Jester and Beau are not—”

“Their apartment was crazy.”

“—and if the Moondrop has such a reputation, I am sure that Fjord and Molly and Yasha are not either. But…but we are, and I am worried that if they found out, they would not want to spend time with us anymore.”

Nott was quiet for a moment. Then she blinked her huge yellow eyes and asked, “Is that why you worked so hard to clean up before, when they came over yesterday?”

He nodded miserably.

There were a few more beats of silence as Nott considered this. Then she nodded firmly and pressed a finger to her lips. “Alright then, Caleb. I won’t say anything. Goblin’s promise. Well, that doesn’t really mean much, I guess. Nott’s promise,” she amended with a faint grin.

He returned the smile and leaned over to ruffle her hair. “Thank you, Nott. I am glad you understand. And hopefully, if nothing goes wrong, we should be fine financially and will not have to worry too much next month.”

She grinned. “Great! And then maybe you could start using your phone too, and you can talk to that purple guy.”

“Maybe,” he muttered, and then stood up and reached for his satchel. “For now, though, we have other things to focus on. Like how it is almost time for work. Are you coming along, today?”

She shook her head. “I’m going to hang around the square and see if I can…help our money problems a bit more.”

“Alright,” he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder, “be safe. Stay hidden—”

“—and stay alert, yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a professional, remember?”

He chuckled. “How could I forget?”

She gave him a short, poorly-executed salute. “See you later, Caleb! Have fun at the library.”

He shrugged his old coat on, did the buttons up, and wrapped his scarf tightly around his neck. “See you later, spatz. Have fun in the Square. Come on, Frumpkin.”

And then, after the orange tabby slipped into the hall, he shut the door and headed off to work.

•

Today 10:26PM

Molly Tealeaf: good morning mister caleb! Molly Tealeaf: i hope you slept well, sorry about all those texts last night! Molly Tealeaf: i must’ve had a bit more to drink than i thought Molly Tealeaf: anyways, I just wanted to see if you were free anytime this weekend? Molly Tealeaf: there’s a lovely little coffee shop ive just been dying to try Molly Tealeaf: i think you’d like it

Today 12:14PM

Molly Tealeaf: so if that sounds good, shoot me a text? Molly Tealeaf: ive got a flexible schedule any time before 6 dear

Molly slipped his phone back into his pocket and sagged in the barstool until his forehead hit the countertop. Yasha pulled a cup down from the back shelf and poured him a glass of water.

“I don’t see why I needed to come in so early,” he mumbled, words muffled. “It’s not like I need to practice, really.”

“That’s not a good attitude,” Yasha chided, and slid the drink over. “Gustav made it clear that the 25th anniversary event was important to him, and there are only three days left.”

Molly sighed, and reached blindly for the glass. When his fingers finally made contact, he lifted his head, took a sip, and frowned.

“This isn’t vodka, dear.”

She nodded. “It’s water. It’s noon. You’re hungover.”

Molly scoffed, but took another sip. “I am not hungover,” he protested. “Beau was the only one who got that shitfaced last night.”

“That may be true,” Yasha agreed, “but you are still not in top shape. Desmond did not call a break because he was tired of playing, that is for sure. And the others can tell there is something on your mind. Me included.”

Molly shrugged. “Maybe there is, dear. Or, maybe, I’m just having a bad day.”

“You?” Yasha raised an eyebrow. “I did not know that was possible.”

Molly his tongue out at her. “It happens to the best of us. I would know, because I’m the best of us.”

Yasha sighed. “Is this about Caleb? Is that what this is?”

Molly had a brief flashback to staring at his phone screen at four in the morning, waiting to see if the other man would respond. He shook his head.

“Absolutely not. Not at all.”

Yasha, bless her heart, seemed convinced. “Is it your...abilities? Are they acting up again?”

Molly shook his head much faster this time. “No, no. It’s…it’s really nothing. I promise, I’m in tip-top shape—”

“Good!” grinned Bosun as his large green hand suddenly clapped Molly on the back. The half-orc leaned against the corner of the bar and beamed. “Break’s over now, friend. We’re going again from Toya’s solo. Sound good?”

Molly shot him a cheerful smile. “Sounds wonderful.”

And as they both stood up and walked past, Yasha gave Molly a meaningful, furrowed brow that conveyed just how much she didn’t believe him. He shrugged sheepishly, and followed Bosun back towards the stage with the twirl of an imaginary coat.

•

Nott slipped into a back-alley just on the fringes of the Pentamarket Square, and took a quick swig from her flask. There were plenty of folks out today, morning commuters and shoppers getting a head start on Winter’s Crest gifts. She rubbed her fingers together, and murmured a few quick arcane commands. A small, shimmering hand appeared before her, and then promptly turned invisible. She beamed, and then scaled the dumpster and pulled herself onto a nearby fire escape.

•

Caleb had his nose buried deep between the covers of a particularly promising summary of the history of magical breakthroughs in the Pre-Divergence Era, and almost didn’t notice when Jester dropped her heavy pink bookbag onto the floor and cheerfully plopped her elbows onto the counter, leaning her face annoyingly close to his. He didn’t even blink when she started singing his name and flicking the little metal bell in front of him, and he ignored her as she started insulting him and cursing out his cat, and didn’t even move until she clapped her hands together, muttered the incantation for Thaumaturgy, and made all the doors and windows slam open with a shuddering blast of hellish energy.

Chilly winter air flooded into the library. He looked up, met the raised eyebrow of Jester, and blinked.

“Oh. Good morning, Jester.”

She rolled her eyes, and draped her arms over the counter to try and smack the book out of Caleb’s hands. He pulled away in time, so she rolled onto her back and her upside-down face beamed at him without any hint of annoyance.

“It’s the afternoon, dummy,” she teased. “I finished my classes. I’m here to be tutored.”

Caleb blinked again, and shook his head slightly. “Scheiss, it is already two-thirty?”

She nodded, and flicked him in the nose. “Ah, I knew you were in there somewhere. I sent you like thirty texts, Caleb.”

He gave her an apologetic shrug. “Sorry, Jester. But you know I do not use my phone.”

She pouted, and shook her head. “Why not though, Caleb! It makes life sooo much easier, what’s even the point of having one if you don’t use it?”

“In case I am going somewhere dangerous, and I need to keep in contact with you all.”

Jester giggled. “Why would you be going somewhere dangerous, silly?” And before he could answer she held up her own phone and waved it around in the air. “Besides, I’m not offended, but how will you be able to talk to Molly now? How are you guys going to coordinate your dates?”

Caleb scowled, but mostly out of embarrassment. “Jester, we are barely friends. We aren’t going on dates. If he needs me, he can always contact Nott.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Does he know that? You guys are ‘barely friends,’ like you said. Does he know about the goblin messenger pigeon system you’ve got going on?”

Caleb opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He paused.

“Oh,” he said. “Er...I suppose not.”

Jester huffed dramatically, and tapped him lightly on the arm. “I’ll let Molly know,” she said magnanimously. “In the meantime! I need math help.” She leaned down and rummaged around in her bag until she pulled out a red binder, which she passed to Caleb. “I don’t know what the fuck a vector is,” she said, “but I need to by tomorrow.”

He sighed, and put his book down. “Alright, alright. I’m still technically on shift, though, so pull a chair up here. I can’t leave the front desk.”

As Jester retreated to the copy room—makeshift staff lounge—to fetch a stool, Caleb started rifling through her math notes. They were quite neat, though the margins were completely filled with various doodles, some sketches of her surroundings, and many caricatures of her teachers and fellow students. There were also quite a number of scrawled comments and arrows pointing to various drawings. He sighed again.

“Jester, are you using your math notes to talk to the Traveler?”

There was a pause, and then a thud, and then the sound of Jester harrumphing.

“So what if I am?” she called from the back. “So what? I’ve got to talk to him at some point, and numbers are soooo boring. It’s the only way I’ll even stay awake in class, Caleb.”

He rubbed at his eyes. “I understand that, spassvogel, but have you considered that if you did pay attention, you would not have to come ask me for help so often? Sieversii is an excellent institution, and I am sure if you just applied yourself you would do fine. ”

She came through the door, dragging a stool behind her, and shrugged as she brought it next to Caleb’s position at the counter.

“Maybe,” she said, “but then what would be my excuse to come bother you all the time? Besides, the college might be good but our teacher is shit. I don’t know who ever gave Professor Anders his license, but they should be arrested for mistreating children.”

“You are over twenty years old.”

“All the same,” Jester said, and gestured towards her binder. “Anyways, come on! Learning time! Why are there letters in the bracket, and what am I supposed to do with them?”

Caleb picked up a pencil. “These are indicators, that show magnitude and direction,” he explained, drawing a line across the page. “It means that the, the, say a particle, is moving this way…”

•

Nott, crouching behind the rusted iron railing thirty feet away, cast Minor Image over the necklace grasped in her Mage Hand. It immediately transformed into a pigeon with its wings outstretched, and she quickly yanked the Hand into the air and towards her, creating the illusion, more or less, of a bird taking flight. Nobody seemed to notice anything strange, and she grinned brightly when the hefty silver chain fell into her palm.

“I am the best,” she whispered delightedly to herself, and slipped the necklace into her pouch.

•

“No way,” Beau argued, waving her hands passionately through the air. “Kamordah was robbed. That ref had no idea what he was talking about.”

“Elbowing is a foul, Beau,” Fjord sighed, “and if he didn’t call Redleaf out Alfield would’ve stampeded.”

“Aw, bullshit. That was barely an elbow! And Alfield shouldn’t be talking, their record last year was a mess.”

“Yeah, sure, but you know Redleaf has a history—”

They continued arguing as they made they way down the sidewalk, city buildings towering above them and streets slowly coming alive as the evening crowd finished work and started filtering out for the night. The sky above them was just beginning to darken, and a winter chill swept across their red cheeks and damp hair--still dripping slightly from the gym showers. Eventually, they turned the corner and the metropolitan landscape opened up into a grand view of the harbor, where ships docked on the river and, a block away, the Fletching & Moondrop stood proudly beside the gleaming water.

“Is Jester coming by tonight?” Beau asked after they eventually just agreed to disagree and began making their way to the back staircase of the bar.

“I think so,” said Fjord as followed Beau up. “I’m pretty sure she has an exam soon, but she’s been pretty excited to see how the anniversary preparations are coming. I promised her a behind-the-scenes tour,” he added sheepishly.

“We work in Fletch, though,” Beau said as she rifled through her duffel bag for the keys.

“I know, I know, but Jester still wants to see it. I’ll sneak her into the back during break and besides, I think they like me enough.”

“Do you know what’s been planned?” Beau asked. “It sucks that we’ll be working while it’s all going on.”

Fjord shrugged again. “I know there’s some kind of big production, but that’s all Molly’s told me so far. He came home one night in a skintight dress and a feather boa, but that might just’ve been him.”

“I wish the performers would tell us more,” Beau groused. “They’re so cliquey.”

“They spend a lot of time together, I guess. And, honestly, I don’t know if I could handle that kind of life. Molly’s gone all hours of the day, I’m just glad he and Yasha bother to hang out with us.”

Beau pushed the door open and raised an eyebrow at Fjord. “Was that sarcasm?” she asked.

He grinned. “Maybe,” he said, and swung the door shut behind him.

•

“Oh, Mr. Widogast,” said Yorda, the head librarian, just as Caleb was zipping his satchel shut. “I was hoping to catch you before you left.”

Caleb glanced up, and gave her his signature, politely blank expression. “Hello, good afternoon. Is there something we need to discuss?”

She nodded, and Caleb caught the nervous expression in her eyes. His heart sank.

“Is this about my request for more hours?” he asked dejectedly. “I assume you cannot?”

She wrung her hands. “I’m sorry, dear, but I’m afraid it’s worse than that. Er...I’m going to have to cut you down to only three days a week.”

Caleb fumbled for his bag, and just managed to grab the strap before it hit the ground. His eyes were wide, and he could feel a number of emotions now wracking his brain. He tried to tamp them down.

“But...but...why?” he asked as calmly as he could. “Why? I am a good worker., I have the best record with correctly sorting books, I...I am a good worker, Miss—”

Yorda gave him a pained expression and shook her head. “I’m sorry dear, I’m sorry. It’s not you, understand? The whole library’s budget was cut, I promise this has nothing to do with your performance. I’d let you run the entire building all day if I could, we just can’t afford it, right now. Adelaine's getting a cut too, and I won’t tell you how my salary’s looking. I’m sorry, dear. I wish I could do something about it, but--”

After that, it was largely a blur. At some point, Caleb had eventually collected his things, excused himself, and walked out the front door. He barely remembered striding quickly through the city streets, barely remembered making it back to his building, must have avoided the creaking floorboards by the stairs so Kosh wouldn’t hear him on instinct, and only really awoke as he crept into his apartment and shut the door and slumped down onto the ground and closed his eyes. He could see the numbers dancing in front of him, dried-out expo marker scrawled on the whiteboard, his perfect calculations to ensuring their financial security now shattered.

He couldn’t be mad at Yorda; she was a nice enough woman seemed genuine about her sympathy. Libraries were never really on the city's radar anyways, that and the books were why he wanted to work there so badly in the first place. But now what? Now what was he supposed to do?

Somewhere in the fog of frustration, he felt Frumpkin crawl into his lap. He gratefully accepted the cat’s soothing purrs, and tried to think of what he could possibly do next.

•

Nott was on top of the world. She already had a jade bracelet and another necklace tucked away in her pouch, and was in the middle of the risky but enthralling process of trying to use two Mage Hands at once to carefully remove a woman’s shiny gold earrings. After that, she’d go home and show Caleb the haul she’d gotten today.

•

Today 7:43PM

Molly Tealeaf: actually now that i think about it i wont be free this saturday Molly Tealeaf: its the 25th of the bar! Molly Tealeaf: tomorrow would be best then i can tell you all about it!

Molly, sprawled across the sofa and glaring intently at his phone, almost didn’t notice as Jester danced into the Moondrop’s break room, followed by an exasperated-looking Fjord. But then she grinned delightedly, and threw herself onto the cushion next to Molly and started giggling.

“Mollymauk! How are you today?”

He looked over, took in the sheepish smile on Fjord’s face, and beamed. “I’m doing wonderfully, dear. What brings you here?”

“I need a full tour and breakdown of Saturday’s performance,” she said, instantly snapping in all-business mode. “Fjord doesn’t know shit.”

“Well, come on, I know some things—”

“Like what?” Molly asked, raising an eyebrow. “What could you possibly know?”

He floundered for a moment, and then looked down at the ground. “Drinks are 25% off downstairs,” he muttered. “There’s a new DJ.”

Molly laughed, and flung an arm around Jester’s shoulders. “Stick with me, dear. I’ll fill you in. But Fjord isn’t allowed to know. Not because he works downstairs,” Molly added quickly, “but because I just love seeing him like this.” Then he turned towards Fjord and winked. “Tell Beau she’s welcome up here any time, and I’m sure I could rope Yasha into showing her around.”

As the half-orc rolled his eyes, Jester giggled harder and nodded excitedly. “Ooh, I can’t wait! Oh, but first,” she said, quickly tapping Molly on the nose, “I have a message from Caleb. Well, more or less. Basically if you two are going to be friends, you need to know that he never uses his cell. If you need to talk to him, you gotta go through Nott.”

Molly had a brief flashback to the night before, when three feet of narrow-eyed, suspicious green protectiveness had glared up at him from behind scraggly bangs and a tattered brown hoodie. He thought about Caleb. He sighed.

“Alright, alright,” Molly conceded. “No pain no gain, I suppose. Now, a tour! Come on, I know just where to start.”

“Oh?”

“Oh yes. The costume room.”

•

“What’re you doing back down here so soon?” Beau asked, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you and Jester were going to go fuck in the back room?”

Fjord’s ears turned a deep, deep shade of green, and he dejectedly made his way around the bar. “First off all, we weren’t going to do that,” he muttered. “Secondly, Molly stole her. He’s showing her the decorations ‘n whatever now.”

Beau, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, shrugged. “Hey, at least she’s happy, right?”

Fjord sighed, but this did seem to brighten his mood. “Yeah, I guess so,” he agreed, and then gave Beau a sly grin. “Yasha’s up there right now too, by the street level door. Molly says she might give you a tour if you asked nicely. AndI don’t think she goes on break for a while, so if you wanted to sneak up there…?”

Beau’s cheeks colored, and she quickly looked down at the ground. “I...er...nah. Nah, it’s alright. But um...was she wearing that sleeveless shirt?”

Fjord chuckled, and nodded.

“Fuck me running,” sighed Beau, and let her arms uncross. “Damn.”

•

“Caleb, why are you on the floor?” Nott asked as she climbed through the window. Living on the third floor never broke her habit of unconventional entry.

He looked up, and worry instantly spiked through her chest. That glassy-eyed expression usually was a signal that something was wrong. She quickly made her way over, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright? Is...is there anything wrong?”

He nodded, and sighed. “Yorda spoke to me today.”

“...um...alright? What did she say?”

“She cut down my hours. We are now operating on two less days of salary.”

Nott was quiet for a moment. Then she carefully wiggled an arm between his back and the wall, and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s okay,” she muttered. “We...we’ll be fine. You’ll figure it out and oh, hey!”

She broke away, and yanked her pouch out. “Look at this! Look, I got a bunch of stuff today, and it might even be real! Maybe this will help.”

Caleb, who had untensed slightly after her embrace, managed a small smile. “That’s very good, spatz. I am sure they will help quite a bit, we can go see Oglen tomorrow.”

“Great!” beamed Nott with relief. “I can—”

Her phone buzzed. She frowned, and pulled it out.

Today 8:19PM

Molly Tealeaf: hello there Nott

She blinked, and rubbed at her eyes. Maybe the cold air of the apartment was messing with her vision. When she looked back down at the screen, she frowned. It was Molly.

Nott TB: what do you want

There was a brief pause, and the “...” icon let Nott know her response had the desired effect.

Molly Tealeaf: straight to the point i see alright Molly Tealeaf: i was told that if i need to contact caleb you are the person to go to Molly Tealeaf: actually apparently via phone you are the only person to go to

She smirked slightly at that. Next to her, Caleb peered over her shoulder at the tiny screen.

Nott TB: you are correct why do you need him

There was another pause.

Molly Tealeaf: id like to arrange a meeting with him Molly Tealeaf: i need to give that coat back Molly Tealeaf: and i want to treat him to coffee tomorrow to thank him for letting me borrow it

She rolled her eyes, and Caleb spoke.

“Who is that? What are they saying?”

Nott passed her cell over. “It’s Molly. He wants to meet up tomorrow and return your coat and buy you coffee.”

Caleb blinked. There was something stirring at the back of his mind, but he couldn’t entirely pinpoint what it was. “He wants to return my coat and buy me coffee?”

Nott shrugged. “I guess.” And then she brightened and said, “Hey, you should go! You need to relax, I bet, and you love coffee. And free things. And that coat was a present from Jester. She’d be sad if you didn’t get it.”

Caleb rubbed his chin. He glanced down at the phone, and handed it back to Nott. “Al...alright, I suppose. I guess I would not have had anything to do tomorrow anyway.”

“Great!” Nott said. “I’ll let him know.”

Caleb nodded. “Do that, please. I will...um...I will go sort out my closet, now. Excuse me.”

And then he got up, and walked into the bedroom. Nott heard the curtain that divided the room in two slide shut.

She looked back at her phone.

Molly Tealeaf: please tell me you aren’t ignoring me Molly Tealeaf: do you hate me Molly Tealeaf: nott please if anything just let me swing by and get the coat Molly Tealeaf: nott please

She sighed.

Nott TB: he’s in Nott TB: if the coffee place is far he’ll need a ride Nott TB: im watching you mister Molly Tealeaf: uh Molly Tealeaf: thank you Nott TB: dont mention it pick a time tomorrow bye

And before Molly could type out a response, she grinned smugly to herself, put the phone away, and skipped off to bed.

[julesrigby]

JULIET RIGBY ( MADELAINE PETSCH / SHE/HER ) - is an 18 year old SENIOR student at Northlake High. They sit with the HONOR ROLL at lunch and are commonly known around school as the OVERACHIEVER, because they’re +AMBITIOUS and +DETERMINED, but also -ANXIOUS and -CHAOTIC.

hey guys! i missed u!!! and for those of you i haven’t met yet, my name’s ren and i’m a big dumb dork who should be studying rn sjfsgjskg. i’ll literally plot with anybody even though my ass is awkward, so don’t be shy!! even if you wanna just talk shows and random shit or headcanons <3 so prepare for me to ramble @ you over this idiot leaf:

jules is pretty easy to get along with, the only thing she really cares about is getting good grades and doing The Most™ so she isn’t too bothered about cliques or anything like that. just don’t try to tell her she’s wrong about something or she’ll cast a spell on you and your next 7 generations of offspring

i’m jk but for real. don’t do it. she’s one of those annoying people that love to argue so don’t get her started

her parents put a lot of pressure on her to succeed. most of her anxiety about not doing well enough stems from them because she’s an only child and they kind of put all their lecturing energy into one kid

on the flip side they also worked a lot when she was young so she was around nannies and babysitters a lot, and never really got to socialize much. she learned how to entertain herself. it made her an introspective imaginative person but it also made her kind of lonely (and a lil weird ok)

so after childhood the competitiveness and her perfectionism developed as a way to get her parents attention

in fact it’s pretty much an obsession at this point. rip to her social life

despite her being busy and lowkey obnoxious she is a genuinely nice person who tries to be diplomatic and get along w people. but if ur in the way of something she wants she won’t hesitate to make u catch these hands

she also has a thing for true crime. probably keeps all the articles of the northlake boogeyman tabbed on her phone browser like a creep

she comes from money but she doesn’t really talk about it much so it might not be something a lot of people know

i can’t think of anything else atm except i’m tentatively putting her on academic decathlon, debate team, softball and she’s a tutor so if any of that tickles ur fancy lmk

get connected™ for free education connection

v general nonspecific ideas: study partners, exes, former friends, extended family. literally anything

some more Deluxe Supreme ideas (oooh):

ride or die nerd squad. obviously jules is bossy af. that bitch that made her friends be bubbles and buttercup bc she wanted to be blossom. anyWAY these hoes *are* loyal (or just one hoe because let’s be honest that’s probably more likely) and they’ve been tight p much all through high school, maybe much longer. this person would know what’s up with her family, probably has spent the night at her house a lot or vice versa. being in honor roll isn’t a requirement for being her ride or die although i would love some honor roll pals

someone who knows her family aka a family friend. they would know general details about each other but maybe they’re from different cliques so they don’t really mesh well or kind of just act like they don’t know each other. we can discuss how they act around each other but my thinking is it’s probably awkward or formal

first ever relationship/puppy love. gender neutral. they would’ve gone out a few years back for a short time but it didn’t last, either due to circumstances or just growing out of it

crush, preferably unrequited. this is self explanatory, i just love pain and i want someone to give it to me

oooh okay to piggyback off of that since she loves to argue i need someone she fights with like cats and dogs. maybe like a fellow debate team member and they just argue for fun (fuckin nerds) or they like actually genuinely don’t like each other or disagree a lot and always feel the need to remind each other how wrong they are

study partners but its cute bc they like share flashcards and stay up all night at like a 24 hours cafe or library and when they get a good grade on the test they cheer each other on and its just cute and wholesome. different than regular study partners or other honor roll kids bc they probably get along better ?

someone (probably a popular kid) that she got into an argument with and made them feel stupid and now they either want revenge or they’re in the process of getting it or it already happened and instead of jules backing down the situation got worse and now they have it out for each other

ok im gonna stop there bc this is long af uh. if any of those sound interesting to you or u just wanna hang out in IMS like this!! and honestly hats off to you bc if you made it all the way to the end of this u probably cringed at least 9 times. thank

[rosenmarille]

rosenmarille’s embroidery tutorial

hey anon you made my entire week and i love you

Let me preface this by saying that I’m in no way an expert and I’ve literally only been doing this for less than a month, so most of what I do is making it up as I go along. hopefully you find my tips helpful though!! <3

I wasnt sure which part you wanted to know about so i made a rundown of everything from start to end

1) List of things you’ll need:

Embroidery frame (I just went to the nearest crafts store and got them in two sizes. Theyre quite cheap and sometimes also come in plastic or different shapes)

Fabric (the less stretchy the better, though if youre planning to decorate clothing I think it really depends on how determined you are. what ive got here is some leftover polyester fabric from cosplay and other sewing projects. you can even sew different pieces together if one isnt big enough for the frame but in that case you need to iron the sewed piece flat or else it will be very difficult to keep straight and neat)

Embroidery yarn (see pic) (theres two types, and ive only used pearl yarn (top) so far but the other one allows for more precision since you can pick how many strands of yarn you need)

Needle (see pic) (properly pointy, not like the crappy one above. I mainly use that for crochet things because it actually bends and that’s NOT what you want here)

Scissors and a pencil

2) Sketch: Pick an image of what you want to do. I’ve found that at first, practicing with basic shapes and colours is a lot easier to get used to the whole thing, it helps give you a feel of how the yarn ends up looking stitched to the fabric. So far I almost only did screenshots, and I didn’t have to draw something up myself. In mobs case, I based it off a doodle I did in class and added a little colour to it 

3) Pick fabric and yarn: That’s mainly up to you, depends on what youre going for, but as a fair warning, very light fabric colours will show the stitches and leftover yarn from behind, so you need to tuck them behind the main body of your embroidery later on

4) Apply to fabric: 2 ways, both pretty much self explanatory, only heres where the stretchiness of the fabric comes into play. As you can see ive developed a fool proof technique, ive had tape stuck to the top of my laptop for weeks now, im not about to waste it? (use more than one tape, this is an old pic i took because the concept was hilarious in the moment) Pro tip: don’t draw your sketch on paper advertising dnd game sets because youre gonna have a hard time seeing the pattern through everything and youll curse yourself for doing that instead of paying attention in class  Pro tip 2: dark fabrics demand a white colour pencil, you literally wont be able to see anything else

5) Stitches: heres a LINK to the page I use to find all the different stitches I could possibly use. Practice makes perfect, i spent about two hours trying each of these out on an irrelevant piece of fabric to see how theyd work and how difficult they are, and still use that bit as ref to consider how a stitch would look on my current piece. Of these, ive only used about three in my finished broids, since theyre mostly for decorative things I think. Don’t let that stop you though, get creative and use the things im too lazy to incorporate!! (ill be using these terms for the rest of the tutorial, so if you dont know a word its probably in there)

6) Outlines/shading: Start by outlining your sketch with a few backstitches to get a feel for where everything needs to be. If theres shading then itd be useful to do those lines in the other colour already, or youre going to have to fix all that later and itll be a huge pain and make you want to stop altogether. It happens

Im not sure if that’s how its supposed to work but I fill in the shades first, it gives me a good sense of what direction the main colour stitches need to go to make it look dynamic.

7) Fill in mains: This is where all those handy dandy stitches from that library probably wont help you too much if you want to do something relatively simple. Ive only used normal satin stitches to fill in colour so far, though what the link doesn’t mention is that it wastes a shitton of yarn. Yarn is expensive, so what you can do is come up for point 3 not back next to 1 but instead next to 2. Warning: that does warp the way the yarn lies though, so use that one accordingly (for example: I do Not use it when doing small delicate places, or things that need to be detailed in general)

Mob was fairly simple as far as that went since i didnt add a lot of pattern, but ritsu is a little more complicated. Like i said earlier, adding shade before the main colour helps because now i know where the folds in his clothes are and how the fabric would bend to accommodate it.

8) Add details (like faces!):

Again, here I cant tell you exactly how you need to stitch to get everything looking good, just try to follow the way a face has its dynamics. Is it a long face, make lots of long vertical stitches, is it a round one, try to stick to the edges (but don’t spiral)

Facial features are a little more difficult because its hard to make a round nub or dots for pupils on something very small but its better to try 5 times and get it right the 6th instead of leaving the 1st try (i took ritsus entire face apart at least 3 times and t b q h i still think it doesnt look good but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

9) Background: Get real fancy on that shit, heres where you can try out those cool rose shaped stitches from up there in the link, go wild lol

10) Lastly: PATIENCE

I cant stress this enough, this WILL take a loooot of time, the first ritsu I did took me a literal week, while the second one took me roughly four hours in total (and that was a rather simple design). 

Accept the fact that it wont look as good as you imagined it. That may sound harsh but for me that’s been my main issue, imagining how a string would lie exactly and then looking on in disgust when that doesn’t work out. You’re not drawing, the medium doesn’t exactly translate, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! Try to figure out what methods work best for embroidery exclusively. 

Don’t be afraid to undo, be careful about it though. I use those big scissors and it’s a bad idea, don’t do that. Unpicking from the back to save the yarn also works but it gets difficult (and at some point impossible) once the strands start getting woven together on their own

And there you have it, a finished piece of embroidery!! 

You can now either hang it up in its frame and cut away the excess fabric at the sides or tie it around a piece of cardboard like so. it’s a little hard to get right at first but practice amiright

I hope i could be of help!! if you have any more questions feel free to come to my ask anytime!! ^^ <33 

[katrielles]

so i wrote this thing and it was going to be part of something else but im too lazy to ever finish it so it’s. a one-shot now i guess.

anyways here it is pls take into account i havent written anything in years and that english isnt my first language lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was a cold night out in Stansbury. A thin fog crept through the small town, hanging somewhere below the clouds and above people's heads. The Ascot house, slightly away from the rest of the town, was silent and mostly dark, except for a dim light pouring out from a single window in one of the upper floors. Most servants had been dismissed by that time, and the long hallways and rooms felt too big, too empty.

Hershel quite enjoyed the silence from the spacious back garden. Randall himself didn't appreciate silence all that much; his definition of "enjoying nature" involved expeditions and adventures and constant action. Hershel preferred a cup of tea and a nice book, but Randall couldn't get his head around the appeal of such slow-paced, quiet activities. Hershel was surprised he hadn't dug holes through the entire garden in search for some hidden treasure, or simply out of boredom.

Now, however, Randall was mostly still and silent, lying face up on the grass. He kept sneaking gazes at his friend from between his absent-minded stares at the starry sky.

"... Though it's not known where the alleged ruins are located," Hershel read quietly, eyes barely focusing on the words in the book on his lap.

Randall yawned. He was being kept awake merely by force of will and afternoon coffee. Although he could barely process Hershel's words through the fog in his mind, his voice was soothing. He quite enjoyed to hear him read.

Hershel yawned in reply. "How about we continue tomorrow?" he offered, rubbing one eye.

He'd rather Hershel kept reading, but he knew his friend was tired, so he offered his most convincing, "Great idea," and closed his eyes for just a moment.

Hershel lay down on the grass beside his best friend, book cast aside. It was cold and slightly uncomfortable, but in his half-asleep state, he barely noticed. They had spent the entire afternoon (as well as a great deal of the night) reading archaeology and mystery books. When Randall had become too sleepy to read, Hershel would read aloud, until they both became too tired even for that. Books littered the grass around the two boys in disorderly piles.

Hershel gazed at the sky above. Through the thin fog, the stars shone brightly. That was another thing he fancied about Randall's home; it was far enough from other buildings in town to avoid most light pollution. The starry sky was a breathtaking view, one not many had the opportunity to enjoy like this.

"Hersh?" Randall's voice cut through his thoughts like a knife.

"Yes?" he replied, turning his head to face him. His arms were spread out, one hand almost touching Randall's, something the young man was painfully aware of.

The distance between them fueled Randall's heart with a nervousness he was certain would turn into a fire. He knew he went too close to others at times without noticing at first, but there was something different about others initiating it. It made him too aware of himself for his own good.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" He glared at the night sky, as if blaming the distant stars for the thoughts plaguing him. You're being so obvious, Randall, he scolded himself. Talking usually helped divert him from his own upsetting thoughts, but this time he was doing a terrible job at it. The fog clogging his mind with sleepiness wasn’t helping much either.

Hershel breathed in sharply, and Randall immediately felt embarrassed. As no answer came, Randall suspected for a few seconds that he would pretend to be asleep to avoid his question.

"No, not really," came an answer that sounded more like a question. Randall relaxed, if just a little. Truth be told, he wasn't surprised by his words. He didn't fully understand why he'd asked at all. Hershel, in turn, was becoming more anxious each passing second. "Why the sudden question?"

"Hmm... I don't know. Just came to mind, I suppose." He chuckled and scratched his face. Was his nervousness too obvious?

"Have you?"

Randall finally turned to face him, propping himself on one elbow. "What do you think?" he said with a smirk and a dare in his eyes. The opportunity to tease his friend distracted him from other, slightly more concerning thoughts. The fog in his mind thinned.

"I'd guess... You have?", he ventured with half a smile and knitted eyebrows. Randall could swear he looked worried half the time. His eyebrows almost seemed glued into a permanent frown.

Randall laughed lightly. "Nah. Never have." He watched in amusement as Hershel's eyebrows shot up, beady eyes widening slightly. Randall’s smile widened in turn. "Surprised?"

Hershel smiled back sheepishly. "I don't know, you just seem like the type of person to grow attached to others easily. And people tend to like you a lot too."

"That's flattering."

"Besides, you are a bit impulsive and excitable."

Randall pouted. "That's not flattering."

"I hadn't really thought about it before," he said, his last word turning into a yawn that he covered with the back of his hand. He was barely keeping his eyes open.

"What? Too boring for old Hershel?"

Hershel sat up. If he lay down for another second, there was no guarantee he wouldn't fall asleep immediately. He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't— It's not a pressing matter."

Randall sat up as well, one leg crossed over the other, and brushed the grass off his hair. Hershel hadn't bothered to. His fluffy hair was as messy as ever. Randall had always really wanted to run his hand through his hair. The closest he had come to that was hiding things in it (which always resulted in a confused and slightly annoyed Hershel).

"And you don't ever wonder what it's like?" he said, scooting closer without noticing. Hershel was more than used to his friend's apparent obliviousness of others' personal space; but although he knew to expect it, it would still make him a little nervous. No one was as comfortable around Hershel and as physically affectionate as Randall was. It was nice, he thought, but different to what it was like with everyone else.

"Not really." He absently reached out to take Randall's glasses and tried them on. Randall blinked and cocked his head to the side, but made no attempt to retrieve them. Hershel gasped, noticing everything looked exactly the same. "You don't need these!"

Randall chuckled, holding his stomach, while Hershel frowned at him. "Of course I don’t!"

Once he was over his initial confusion, Hershel started laughing too. Of course. Randall was... Randall enough to wear glasses for aesthetic purposes only.

And then it happened.

Randall felt so light, like everything was right with the world. It was only him and Hershel in the quiet garden, blanketed by a thin fog and crowned by stars, and it felt like it was them the stars shone for. And it was cold and Hershel looked cute, wearing his glasses and staring with his brow furrowed and then laughing, and there were dried leaves in his tangled hair and Randall was itching to reach out and pick them out of his hair, and they were so close and Randall was so sleepy and happy and—

Randall was sure he had started it, though he couldn't remember doing it. One second he was laughing with Hershel, and the next he had leaned in and was closer than he'd ever been to his friend's face.

Their foreheads bumped and he thought for sure that whatever the mysterious source of his courage was, it would flee that instant and he'd freeze, or that Hershel would pull back, or that he'd suddenly wake up from a very strange dream. But he leaned in and pressed his lips against his friend's, and his heart skipped a beat and it was still happening. His nose brushed against Hershel's cheek and Hershel tilted his head slightly. Randall closed his eyes, raised one hand and rested it on his cheek.

His lips were soft and tasted like coffee, and Randall distantly thought he probably tasted like coffee as well. His heartbeat was too loud and overwhelming, effectively drowning the usual noises of the garden and the forest behind it. He didn't know what to do with himself. He opened his eyes. Closed them again. Changed his mind and ran his hand through Hershel's hair (finally). Hershel smelled like a library, he noticed, of books and dust and old wood; of comfort and stability and warmth. Hershel shakily raised his hand to Randall's cheek, and it was warm and soft. Any unsteadiness and uneasiness Hershel carried with him were gone from his gentle grasp. The world spun around them, but Randall couldn’t care less. The fog in his mind had cleared, and he felt as if the sun itself were shining from inside him, burning his heart and his lungs and under his skin.

But, of course, it didn’t last.

Of course, things weren’t going to go so nicely for him.

Of course.

He had barely registered the sound of footsteps on the back of his mind when something hauled him from behind. A confusing blur replaced his view for a few straining seconds, the collar of his shirt almost choking him from the strength of what dragged it. He was pulled to his feet and now faced a familiar man.

His father.

Saying he looked angry would have been an understatement; he was breathing heavily, one hand balled into a fist and the other clenched around the fabric of his shirt, face a concerning shade of red. "What's the meaning of this?" he barked.

How could Randall think he'd get away with this?

He turned to Hershel, who lay stunned on the grass, with shaky shoulders and fidgety hands. "Get. Out," he managed through clenched teeth. The boy stood up, as fast as he'd ever seen him, shot Randall a worried look and half-ran, half-walked awkwardly to the door.

Randall would later get the scolding of his life.

And neither of them would ever talk about it again.