#so it doesnt feel fair that there were still a lot of things i was expected to know that i didnt

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

i should not be allowed to read this author at emotional times. like. late at night. relocated from sleeping on the sofa (again lmao) at like 2am and was awake and i had mentioned that i really loved the play that one author had written (yes, the one filling me with admiration and envy so bad that let's not get into that) to my teacher and she also really likes that author and loaned me two books of his. so i decided, hey, i'm gonna read a bit, either i get tired and fall asleep (good) or i finish the book (also good) except now i'm hit once again by this stupid emotion mocktail i wanna write like that so so so bad but i'll never be able to write this or something like it because he already did that, that's the point, so now i'm tired but still not sleeping because ough and also i should really analyse the story maybe

[nothorses]

I noticed that you reposted something that is along the lines of proship

I agree with leaving media alone but I think its incredibly disgusting when people ship, for example siblings, because what it feels to me is that they have an incest fetish or something

I know just because someone writes about murder doesnt mean they support it, and I believe that. but usually when people write about murder it's in a negative context, obviously showing how it is so incomprehensible to outsiders about how someone could do that, or showing how we need to get these people help.

trying to apply this to, for example, incest, if someone ships an incestuous relationship then it seems like it would be in a good context, and it seems like they support it should it be in real life. that's how I view this all. (itd be different if they shipped siblings as a strange headcanon and talking about how it's bad... this reasoning I can understand the most to the point where I can let myself ignore it)

how am I supposed to learn to not care? especially when they are really outward about it?

okay.

I do not participate in shipping discourse because I do not participate in shipping. I'm not really In Fandom anymore like, generally. I don't... care.

Because of this I had literally no idea what you were referring to in this ask. I had to scroll. So far back. To get to this post, which also doesn't refer to shipping discourse.

I also have not talked about incest here, and the post in question doesn't talk about incest.

It's about murder. And gore. Which you say here is fine.

Literally why did you send me this ask.

And like... there's a fair chance this is just bait, and there's also enough of a chance that you're genuinely asking that, like, fuck it. I'm gonna get shit no matter what I do, so I may as well try to do a little good.

You use the words "feels" and "seems" a lot in this ask. And I'm really glad you did, actually, because I think it's honest; you're operating on your feelings and assumptions, and that's really important to keep in mind.

And your feelings on this are valid! It's normal to be uncomfortable with certain content, and it's normal to not want to see or engage in it. You don't need to feel any differently about those things. You don't have to consume incestuous content, you don't have to be okay with it, and you don't have to be around it.

But ask yourself: you assume that other people engaging in this content means they support it in real life, but what if they don't? What if you're wrong?

Maybe they're saying it's wrong in a way you're just not picking up on, or that you don't recognize. Maybe they aren't saying it's wrong; maybe it's in the context. Maybe it's in a genre trope in a genre you're not familiar with. Maybe it's irony or satire that you aren't picking up on. Maybe they aren't saying it at all, but that's still what they think, and they just chose not to put it in that content for... who knows what reason. Maybe they're literally just bad at writing.

What then?

Sometimes you're going to feel or assume that something is going on, and you're just gonna be wrong. And you could ask who's fault that is- did you fail to pick up on something you should have been able to, or did they fail to communicate it well enough?- but like, what are you going to do with that information?

Sometimes people are not very good at literary analysis, and sometimes people are not very good at writing, and that's just part of learning. Do we tell everyone not to attempt to talk about certain topics unless they're "good enough" to do it "right"? How do we know when someone's "good enough", and how do they get to that point without practice? Do we just ban those topics altogether? What topics do we ban- where's the line? How do we enforce it? How do we prevent that from being weaponized against marginalized people?

Anon, you asked me how you can "not care" about these things existing. And I think that's a valid question; you feel there is injustice, and you want to stop it. That can be a very noble impulse, and it can be harnessed for a lot of good.

But it can also be really, really toxic- not just to the people you hurt because you act on assumptions and impulses that are incorrect, but to yourself. You can't control everything. You can't control how other people feel, whether or how they engage in certain topics, or what they do or say. You just can't. And trying, or wanting to try, or thinking you should try- it's going to drive you nuts.

So here's how not to care:

Remind yourself that you might be wrong. Take a moment to think about all the things you don't know for certain, and the things you would need to know to be absolutely, 100% sure that you're right.

Consider how important this is to you. How close is this person to you? How important is this issue? What would it feel like to let this go- would it continue to impact you? Do you have other options? (removing yourself from the situation, blocking tags/posts/people, etc.)

Consider what you can do, and what you should do. Think about the tools at your disposal, the power you have in this situation, and how likely this person is to listen to you. Think about whether those tools are ethical. Again, what if you're wrong? Is there any reason you might regret your actions?

If you still feel like it's worth addressing, start by asking questions. Make sure you really know what's going on, and if (and when) the situation changes with new information, walk through this process again. Repeat back what you believe is happening until they confirm that you're right, decide again whether this is worth it, and then proceed.

Sometimes it's more effective to just vent to someone else, or to make a post about the issue generally without confronting that person- especially considering your assumptions might be wrong! Maybe it's worth it to talk about what you thought was happening, but you don't know that what you thought was happening is what was actually happening. You can still talk about it, just, y'know, without making it an attack on someone else.

And again, I don't give a shit about fandom discourse. This is important to me because these are themes that crop up in regular-ass media all the time, and disagreements that crop up in regular-ass relationships with friends and family and loved ones. I think it's important that people have the skills to navigate disagreements, unintentional harm, and perceived slights in healthy, productive ways.

You can't live your whole life demanding that everyone agree with you on everything, or blaming other people for everything you misinterpret or assume incorrectly. You cannot assume that everything that hurts you was designed to hurt you. You can recognize that these are assumptions and feelings, and that's great! And I hope you're being honest when you say that you want to learn to let things go.

[e-m-ma-lmfao]

hi! i literally love how you write❤️

could you write a fluff with a little bit of nsfw (if you dont take nsfw requests, just do it all fluff, i love fluff so i doesnt bother me) with a fem reader x cloud?

here's how i want the story, but you can obviosuly change it to your preferences.

y/n was a childood friend of cloud,and she didnt see him in A LOT of years. then she encounters him and they basically talk about rhe the good old times. a month passes and it's y/n's birthday, they all celebrate at the bar and give y/n a present. then it's cloud turn to give her the present, and he gives her a boquet and a letter with some photos from much years ago. after that, he kisses her and she kisses back. after the birthday party, cloud was a little bit drunk so y/n took him at her house to take care of him and cloud gets all clingy and says things to y/n. (if you want to add some nsfw, you can add it in this part of the story)

thank you❤️

Happy Birthday Slowpoke

pairing : cloud strife x fem! reader

description : an unexpected reunion leads to birthday wishes, unspoken love confessions, and drunken kisses.

warnings : small make out sesh but no smut, drinking alcohol (clouds gets drunk)

Sector 7 gets quieter at night. Never silent. But quiet. Walking through the streets is much nicer at night when there aren't so many people pushing to get through. It’s easier to think. Easier to take in your surroundings. 

There’s a certain hum that brings you comfort as you walk through the nearly empty streets. You remember when you first came to Sector 7, nervous and scared, and still dealing with the aftershock of Nibelheim. 

Nibelheim. Cloud.

God. How was he still stuck so deep in your head after years? 

You missed him. Him and his stupid blond hair. 

It was embarrassing how fast your head would turn at the sight of any blond man. Any. Even children sometimes. You had to catch a second glance to make sure you hadn’t just seen your childhood friend run past you as he giggled with his friends. It was never him, but you hoped. 

The peace of your walk was disturbed by a man walking past you. Bright blond hair fluff led up like the feathers of a chocobo in black clothes, and heavy footsteps. He pays you no mind as he walks past you, but you force yourself to do a double take. 

But this man is different. Even with his back turned to you he feels familiar. His hair stands up, the way Clouds did when he was a child. He’s dressed in the garb of a SOLDIER with a big sword on his back, Clouds always promised he’d become a SOLDIER. And he even walks the same way Cloud would as a kid, trudging along his path, god forbid someone think of him as anything but independent.

It all feels too coincidental. And without thinking your lips open to speak, “Cloud?” 

“Hm?” The man turns, only his head and shoulder so as to not pay you too much care, to face you. And your mind is flooding with nostalgia.

You're running after a young boy, blond haired, breathless laughs leave yours and his mouths. 

“Cloud!!! Wait for me!!” You squeal after the older 

boy whose legs carry him much faster than you can keep up with. And your tired legs, mixed with your lack of available air, are making it harder to match his pace. 

For a minute you think he doesn’t hear you, or maybe, that he doesn't want to listen. But soon enough he skids to a stop, looking back at you as he pants lightly. He wears a stupid smile on his face, cheeks flushed.

“Sorry y/n.. I keep forgetting I’m too fast for you. Your little legs can’t keep up,” He teases and lets out a juvenile giggle.

Finally you meet his side, matching his breath, “They can so!”. 

“Yeah right slow poke.” A childlike pout appears on your face, fitting for an 8 year old you. Always pouting. Always following after Cloud. 

You were never really sure why Cloud kept you around. But when you were kids, it never really mattered for more than a second. You just liked being around him, and him you.

“It’s not fair. You're older, your legs are longer!” He smiles down at you, laughing between heavy breaths.

“Only a year older.” 

“Still!” He stays quiet for a minute, letting you catch your breath without teasing you further. 

When you finally straighten back up, he’s still showing a giddy smile on his lips. Without a word, he grabs your hand in his, and takes off running the same way he had been before. Only this time you can keep up with him, pulled behind him.

“Cloud!” 

“Hm?” He turns to look behind him, a wide smile full of teeth on his face and eyes bright and blue. Still hopeful. 

His eyes meet yours and you realize the same blue eyes are looking into yours, only they are tired and the hope of his youth has been long gone. Yours probably look the same, usually. But right now they are wide and beginning to tear up. And his pupils, blown in recognition, are nearly as wide as yours.

“Y/n?”

“Cloud!” In an instant you latched onto him, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Your face squished against his hard chest, probably wetting the front of his tank top from the tears slipping from your eyes.

He’s hesitant, but eventually one hand lands on your back and the other grabs onto your waist, pulling you in impossibly closer to his body. When you were kids, hugs were nothing out of the ordinary, but this one feels so different. You’ve been longing to hug him since you were 13, longing to see him since you were 17.

It’s overwhelming, the amount of emotion flowing through your body. You're happy to see your best friend again. You're sad that you haven’t seen him in so long. And you're angry that he left without ever saying goodbye. 

“Y..you.. are you real?” 

You look up to find his voice, wiping away the wetness from your face. His hands move to touch your face, then to your shoulders and finally fall to his sides. 

“Yes, Cloud. I'm real. When..how.. It’s been years Cloud.” 

“I know.”

There are a million things you’d like to say to him. You’d like to scream at him and punch at his chest until he bruises, not likely you could hit him hard enough to leave any marks but you’d try. But then you want to hug him, and run through the streets with him hand and hand like when you were kids. You don’t know what to say to him, where to start, or if you even should. 

“I missed you.” 

“I know.” He doesn’t say it back, and the lack of emotion that he shows is almost aggravating. But you don’t make it known to him how annoyed you are at him for his underwhelming reaction to this reunion. 

You invite him back to your apartment and, with a lot of convincing no and many ‘pleases’, he agrees to join you for an hour tops. His hesitancy hurts your feelings, you don’t admit that to him though, god forbid he realize that you hadn’t changed much since you were young. Since he clearly had. 

“You can sit down, you know.” He raises his brows, your acknowledgment of his awkwardness unexpected, but he takes a seat at your small table. The chair he sits in is the perfect size for you, and while he’s not the tallest man you’ve ever encountered, he almost seems to not fit on it. 

He is so silent, it stirs up years of pent up sadness and frustration deep within you, and inside you deeper still a fury of anger festers. But you push it away, locking those emotions up for another night when you haven’t just stumbled into your best friend of 10 years after 4 years of being apart. And you offer him a drink. 

“Are you gonna tell me what you’ve been up to for the last 4 years?” He is silent, stoic, hides his face by taking a sip from the glass of water you offered him.

“Not tonight.” Your teeth grind together inside your mouth, holding back your tongue from spewing words better left unsaid. He must see the clench in your jaw, the anger and disappointment in your eyes, “But another time. I will.” 

You fill the rest of the night with slow, and awkward, conversation. He doesn't make much effort to initiate it, but he answers your earnest questions without any complaint. At least the ones that don’t involve his work, his past, his lack of a goodbye. So the night moves slowly.

It doesn’t feel like very long has passed at all by the time he tells you he has to leave. 

“Already?” 

“Yes. I’m sorry, my days are busy.” 

“Are you staying in Sector 7?” He nods, you're not appreciating this strong and silent thing he has going on. 

“Working?” Another nod. “Well..if you find yourself free next month, we’re celebrating my birthday at the Seventh Heaven..uh.. it’s Tifa's bar actually.!”

“I know.”

“Oh.. yeah I guess, you would’ve gone to see her.” 

“I didn’t go t- .. I’m sorry. I should go.” He walks to the door, posture straight and stoic expression broken by a look of pity for just a moment. You walk him out. 

You can’t help yourself from speaking as your eyes meet his back, your mind is lacking in self restraint tonight, “Will you come?” 

He faces you, mouth parted before a small smile plants itself there, “I’ll try, y/n, goodnight.” And he’s gone into the night with quickened steps.

“Hey! Have some faith in him. I’m sure he’ll make it.” Tifa leans over the counter with a bright smile, sliding a drink into your hands. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

The bar isn’t full, but the people that matter are here, most of them anyway. 

Biggs and Wedge, probably already tipsy based on the volume they're producing, are playing darts in the corner. Barret sits on the other end of the bar, Marlene seated beside him as they whisper between each other. And Tifa stands in front of you, a positive grin lingering on her face. 

“Y/n!” Marlene springs off the barstool, with the help of her father, and rushes over to you with a clumsily wrapped gift in her hands. 

“For me? Well thank you, Marlene.” You smile down at her, gently taking the gift from her hands and unwrapping it to find a bracelet made of beads and charms. 

“I made it for you. And I have one too! See?” She holds up her wrist, which you hadn’t realized was hidden behind her back, to show you the matching bracelet she wears. You lift into your arms, holding her in a tight hug. 

“They’re perfect Marlene, thank you.” 

With her still in your arms, you resume conversation with Tifa, and are promptly joined by Barret. You love them, like family of course. But you are so focused on the lack of Clouds presence that you forget to fully no appreciate the ones around you. 

Tifa reaches behind her, into the fridge and pulls outs an obviously homemade cake. “We decorated it together,” She slides a wink Marlene’s way and begins lighting the candles. “Make a wish y/n.” 

You think for a moment, it’s childish that you're hoping for your wish to work so genuinely, but you take a deep breath and blow out your candles with a heavy breath. One sweep. 

“What’d you wish for y/n?” Marlene’s voice is loud beside you. 

“Hey now.. you know the rules, I can’t tell you or else it won’t come true.” She pouts for a minute but her smile quickly returns when Tifa hands her a piece of cake. You take your own piece in your hands, sharing a smile with Tifa and Marlene. 

“Hey man! Good to see you. Glad you could make it.” 

Your eyes are moving faster than you can focus on the sound of Biggs’ words, finding the one person your wish standing in the doorway. In his hands he holds a bouquet, flowers of your favorite colors wrapped with paper and a pink bow.

He approaches you with a sheepish smile on his face, “Sorry I’m late. I didn’t know what to get you as a gift, I hope I got the colors right. Oh! And there’s this,” He reaches into his back pocket and hands you a sealed envelope. On its cover, your name is written in messy writing.

“These are ..beautiful, Cloud, thank you.” 

“Drink?” Tifa is cheery, as always, if not more so. 

“Yeah, thanks.” He takes a seat beside you and you try to hide the way your eyes linger on him. The muscles in his grown arms. The familiarity of his spiky hair. You're not so angry anymore, now that you've had time to process his return, rather longing for the relationship you had as kids. The closeness you’d been lacking in your friendships since he left.

“Are you gonna open it?” 

“What?” His voice brings you back to the moment, and you realize you’ve been ogling at him.

“The envelope..” 

“Oh! Yeah, right. Yeah.” 

You reach for it and carefully open it, trying not to rip the paper too badly. Tucked inside the envelope is a photo of the two of you as children and a folded up letter, reading : 

This is stupid. But I tried to write something so I wouldn’t have to say all this out loud.

I haven’t been around for a long time, so I don’t really know where we stand anymore. But as far as I know, you’ve been the only person I’ve been able to open up to about everything. 

Without you, I probably would’ve spent my childhood alone. 

When we were kids, I swore I’d be a SOLDIER. But to be honest it wasn’t all I thought it would be. And I’m sorry I left you for shinra.

And I know I should’ve said goodbye, and I probably hurt you when I left. But I’m here now, and I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon. 

You were my best friend or you are my best friend, doesn't matter. 

Happy Birthday Slowpoke.

He looks at you intensely as he tries to gauge your reaction. It’s a simple letter, and could be written by a child with a little effort. But it’s Cloud, and it’s the most you can ask from a man like him. It still has your hands wiping at your eyes.

“Hey, did you make her cry? No crying on your birthday!” Tifa returns, leaning over the counter to slide Cloud his drink, looking over at you. “Y’alright?”

“Yeah I’m okay. I’m really good actually, thank you.. for this, Cloud”.

He nods, and you swear his cheeks redden, but he looks away before either you or Tifa can comment on it.

Cloud's drink is gone in moments, and he is asking for another, whilst making comfortable conversation with you. A ‘happy birthday’ ‘how’s your day been’ ‘what do you do for work now’ kind of comfortable. He doesn’t ask anything personal, does not dwell on the past, you almost wish he would. 

But you indulge him and his calculated questions, being satisfied with any conversation at all, and let the night flow.

It doesn't take long to realize that Cloud is not a drinker, or at least that he does not know his limits. It’s dark out now, and music plays from the jukebox, and Cloud sways drunkenly to a song. You can’t help but laugh, whilst also feeling weird seeing him be so free and not high strung. Not a SOLDIER, just a man.

He stands up, grabbing onto your arm to pull you over in front of the jukebox where Wedge is dancing with Tifa. 

“Careful Cloud!” You stumble after him, bumping into his chest as he pulls you. He doesn’t seem to notice, grabbing onto your hands to spin you and move you around. 

“You're a pretty good dancer now,” He moves you to face him, moving to the music still with a goofy smile on his face, “Do you remember.. when we..when we were kids and you would step on my feet ..everytime we danced.” 

You giggle at his slurred words, “You're so drunk right now.” 

“And you’re ..sso pretty..” He moves in closer, close enough that you can smell the liquor lingering on his lips. 

“Oh wow.. you're really drunk.. haha.” You make no effort to move away from him, but you laugh at his actions to relieve the awkwardness flowing from your body. 

“Mhm..” He closes the gap and places his lips against yours. Your hands find his chest, eyes falling close as you kiss him back. Your self control is weak, and you want to keep his lips against yours. But he's drunk, and your head is starting to spin.

Somehow you find the strength to push him away and he moves away with a pout on his puffy lips. 

“Let’s.. uh.. get you home, yeah?” 

“But I’m having fun!” He attempts to spin you, but he ends up making himself dizzy, “Actually, yeah.. that’s probably a good idea.”

“Yeah.” You laugh at his flushed face, holding onto his arm as you say goodbye to everyone and leave the bar.

“Can we go to yours?” He doesn't let go of you, even after you’ve walked halfway down an empty Sector 7 road, but he has instead moved his grip to hold your hand to keep you close to him.

“My apartment?” 

“Mhm.”

“Yeah..yeah sure.” He leads you to your own apartment like he knows the route by heart, he’s only been there once and yet he acts like he lives there by the speed he finds it.

Once inside he collapses onto your bed, not much space in the apartments, so you suppose that was normal considering there was no couch. 

“Do you want some water?” He shakes his head, laying on his back to stare up at the ceiling. 

You move towards the stereo on the opposite wall, turning on the radio so there is noise for you to focus on instead of his arms as they rest underneath his head.

“I missed you too .. y'know.” Clouds words barely make their way to you, his voice quiet and music humming just loud enough.

“Hm?” You turn to face him, moving to sit on the ledge of the bed in front of where he lays. 

“The night I saw you,” He leans on his elbow to hold himself up, “you said that you missed me. and I didn’t say it back. I did. I missed you. I just didn’t know what to say to you then.”

You don’t say anything, you're not sure what to say anyways. 

He looks into your eyes for a few minutes before pulling you by your arm so you lay beside him, but he shifts positions so he holds himself above you with his hands. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes.”

His lips meet yours once more. But unlike the bar this kiss is calculated, not clumsy and childish. He is drunk, and it’s obvious by the taste that remains on his lips even after he has licked them clean multiple times.

Your fingers find his hair, his knee finds its way between your legs and your chest begins to move quicker. He moves to latch his lips onto your neck, sucking spots that will definitely be purple and red tomorrow, while his hands find their place under your shirt on your hips.

And while you’d love for Cloud to continue his journey, the fact remains that he is drunker than a teenager on their 18th birthday, and you want this moment to be one enjoyed sober. So you pull his head up to meet his eyes, and very puffy lips. 

“Your drunk Cloud. I think we better save this for another night.” 

He pouts, face flushed, but he nods with a sigh. Getting comfy he finds a place to rest his head, on your chest, but his hands don’t move from your skin. If anything you feel his grip tighten, keeping you close as he practically lays on top of you. 

“I missed you, a lot. I thought I'd never see you again when you left.” Your fingers find his hair once more, rubbing at his scalp and playing with blond strands.

“I know. I didn’t think I’d see you either.” 

The room is quiet, except for the soft hum of music flowing from the stereo. His fingers tense and relax again in sync with his slow breaths, moving to trace the softness of your skin. But eventually his movements stop and he seems to still. 

“Cloud?”

There are still a million things you’d like to ask, like to say. And so many years of words you’d like to catch up on between him, months of love confessions that you had admitted to Tifa that you’d like to share with him. But the soft snores that begin to leave his mouth tell you he’s in no mood to talk right now.

“Goodnight soldier..”

[ncteez]

not a virgin (h.v.c)

Vernon, a friend of your friend spills his spicy sex life and accidentally reveals to an entire group of near-strangers (including you) that he’s had sex one and a half times and that it was sick.

or the one where despite vernon not being a virgin, he is somehow more of a virgin than an actual virgin. 

ao3 | minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog, i will kiss your forehead so fucking fast if you do. 

WORDCOUNT― 4.7k

PAIRING― vernon x afab reader

CONTENT― inexperienced vernon, playful reader, he’s super cringe and lame, mentions of minghao liking to get pegged, mentions of wonwoo believing that the clit doesn’t exist and spreading the info to vernon, the reader just wants to get vernon laid again (by her)

NOTE― he is a loser and I want him. this was written like, so fucking fast so if you see typos pls do not tell me, i’ll cry. also, sorry if the smut is bad. 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― sub(ish) and desperate vernon, unprotected sex (this isn’t safe considering they don’t know each other that well but we are just gonna pretend they both get tested and she’s on the pill thanks), guided oral (fem receiving), reader doesnt get to come, pet name: cute/cutie, tiny amount of nipple touching, vernon is pussy drunk and comes for a LONG time, he also comes rly fast lmao

~

 The first thing you thought about Vernon when your mutual friend Mingyu started inviting him to the regular group hangouts was, hey, this guy is pretty friendly albeit kind of awkward. You thought he would come around, and boy did he. 

             You’re lounging on the floor of Mingyu’s living room with some five other familiar faces when the conversations get interesting. It wasn’t shocking that the host gets laid whenever he feels like it, and it’s even less shocking that Minghao suggests to the group that as a man, being pegged is a great and fun activity to try with your loved one. What was shocking, for some reason, was learning that Vernon got laid exactly one time in his life and has also had one “handjob” (it was through his pants). Given, the dude seems kind of shy, you expected with a body like his he would have at least gotten laid four or five times by now, considering being in his mid-twenties and all. 

 “You’re joking,” Minghao deadpans, looking directly at Vernon with a look of confusion, “did you even get off?”

             Vernon pauses, avoiding eye contact with pretty much everyone in the room. 

 “No,” he starts, fiddling with his hands and trying to laugh it off, “but to be fair, I don’t think she did either. Was still pretty sick though.”

 “To be fair?!” Seungcheol pipes in with a disgusted voice, “you can barely even call that fucking! You just stuffed it in and were like ‘I am laid’?! Do you even know where the clit is?”

 “The clit is a myth, it’s true! Mingyu told me!” Vernon shouts, preparing to pull out his phone to google it himself. 

 Mingyu, who has licked at least eight clits in his life, narrows his eyes at Vernon, “I did not tell you that.” 

 “Wonwoo then!” 

             Wonwoo isn’t here right now. 

 “It was definitely Wonwoo.”

           Your snort at the antics, eyeballing Vernon from your spot on the floor. You may have only known him for two or three weeks now, strictly through group hangouts but still, for some reason, you’re feeling endeared by his lack of fuckenings. It’s not like you just run around trying to bang dudes and get in their pants, but it’s also not like you’re unattracted to Vernon. If anything, you may have a tiny interest in men being inexperienced enough to praise you for the bare minimum. 

             The night continues like this, with a stray joke thrown at Vernon and his face turning an entirely different shade, and a lot more stories of sex that he’s never experienced. You wonder what it will take for him to like, you know, walk you home or something. Given, Mingyu is usually the one to do it or just suggests you crash on his couch.

             Trying to get closer to him, you offhandedly defend him every time the group of friends mocks him, and as the hours pass with your friends you find his eyes on you more and more. Maybe he can’t navigate a woman’s body, but he appears to know exactly what a hint is, and he’s not making it too difficult for you to show a slight interest in him. 

             By now it’s around two in the morning, which is far later than you usually stay at Mingyu’s house unless you crash on his couch, and everyone is starting to slip their shoes near the door. Vernon hangs back a bit to whisper talk at Mingyu, and you kind of stand in the area between the door and the living room kind of waiting for Vernon to get up and leave too.

 “You heading out too?” Mingyu finally asks towards you, lifting a finger in front of Vernon as if to tell him to hold his thought for a moment. 

 “Yeah,” you respond, scratching your head and swaying a bit awkwardly.

 “I’ll walk you home in a sec,” Mingyu continues, looking over to Vernon and finishing whatever conversation they were having before standing to his feet and grabbing his jacket, “you know you could always just sleep here, it’s pretty late.”

 “Actually, to save you the trip, it looks like Vernon is heading out. He can just take me home?”

             Mingyu looks at you for a second and then shrugs, turning to look at Vernon.

 “What?” Vernon asks as you both look at him. He apparently didn’t hear either of you through his very loud thoughts of practically being a virgin in a room full of whores.

 “She’s gotta walk home, why don’t you drive her?” Mingyu asks him, placing his jacket back down and reaching to you for a hug. 

 “Uh–” Vernon starts, looking at you as he feels his face flush. Woah, a woman wants him to drive her home? Nice. “Yeah, cool.”

             You smile, now racking your brain for how to get him to come inside with you. 

 “I only live like fifteen minutes by foot from here, it’s not the safest place at night though, I guess?” You admit, looking at Vernon and the way he comes up to you and Mingyu all stiff-like.

 “That’s fine, I’d rather you not have to walk,” he keeps his cool as he looks at you, and then rolls his eyes over to Mingyu, “no one would mug you if they saw you, no wonder you walk her home.”

             With that, Mingyu ushers the two of you out and locks his door behind him. It’s a bit awkward being alone with Vernon for the first time without a group of other people with you and you wonder how he plans to navigate the situation. 

 “Over here,” Vernons guides you with a point to his car, “let me get the door.”

             He does, opening your door for you and watching you seat yourself inside before closing it for you. He’s polite, and quite good looking, some part of you wonders if he’s lying about his sex life to seem humble. His car isn’t shitty, it’s clean when he turns on his car the music he has playing is nice, and he even turns on your seat warmer even if the drive is less than like, six minutes. 

 “So,” you start, trailing off in your thoughts as you look out the window and then turning your head toward him, “you’ve never gotten off with another person before?” 

             Straight to the point, no reason to tip-toe around it. The way he nearly choked out in response is really embarrassing, but you like it.

 “What?” He asks, clearing his throat and gripping the steering wheel for dear life. 

 “You’ve really never gotten to like, come on someone? Or in someone?” You ask again, a little too casually for him to assume you’re joking.

 “I don’t know how I’m supposed to answer that,” he stares dead ahead, realizing you haven’t even given him directions to your house and he’s just sitting at this empty cross-roads pretending he should be paying attention to the road. 

 “Straight ahead, turn when you pass the middle school, I’m like the third house on the left.” You offer, narrowing your eyes at him with a smirk.

             He starts driving again, way under the speed limit as he listens to you ask another flooring question.

 “Do you want to come on someone?” You ask, leaning a bit towards him, “or in someone?”

             When he turns his face to look at you for a split second, just to see if your joking, he literally cannot read your face. 

 “Are you fucking with me right now?” He asks, seeing the middle school come into view, “because if you’re trying to set me up with a friend or something, I’m in.”

             You chuckle, leaning even closer and blowing against the shell of his ear. Is it safe to do this to a fucking simp while he’s driving? Probably not, but it’s past two in the morning and the roads are empty.

 “I was referring to me,” you whisper against his ear, “because you’re cute.”

             The way he pressed on the gas was enough of an answer, and you laugh at him for completely missing the turn to your street as you pull back.

 “My house is that way.” You joke, pointing your thumb to the missed turn and starting to get excited. 

 “Ah, fuck, sorry.” He sighs, pulling into an empty parking lot and turning around. 

             He feels embarrassed by his reaction, but like, this is kind of huge for him. Not only is he about to get laid for the second time in his entire life but it’s by someone who is implying he finally gets to orgasm? And you’re hot? It’s like his cock instantly got hard the second you implied it. 

 “You’re really not fucking with me, right?” He asks again, this time driving slowly and finding the missed turn, “Like, you’re not gonna just tease me about it and go tell Mingyu how un-laid I am?”

             You shake your head with a smile. 

 “No, I’m being serious. I’m gonna bring you to my room and show you a good time,” you explain, pointing to your house, “and you’re going to use your mouth to find the mythical clit.”

             His mouth?! On a pussy?! Fucking nice! 

 “Awesome.” Vernon confirms, ignoring the fact that you just snorted at his response.

 ~

             He’s nervous getting out of his car and watching you unlock your door. His eyes are scanning his immediate surroundings because god, it would be a nightmare if he got mugged or something on the doorstep of a girl who is about to let him avoid his right-hand tonight. 

 “So,” He starts, looking down and kicking his foot against the concrete of your porch, “what if I’m bad at it?”

 “Oh, you will be,” you laugh, but a bit more gently than if you were trying to be mean, “don’t worry about that though, I’ll love every second of it.”

             God, he fucking hopes you’re not lying. His hands are starting to clam up and he’s sure his cheeks are blushed in an embarrassing shade of what he wants to do right now. Even when he steps through your door, he feels like his legs are going to buckle and render him useless for your plans of the night. 

             You look at his stiff posture as he stands just inside of your door way and you’re pretty sure he’s gonna need step-by-step instructions from this point forward. You turn to lock your door, slip off your shoes, and then motion for him to do it. 

 “Relax, it’s not rocket science,” you try to encourage him, “get your shoes off and come with me.” 

             He looks at your smile and once again, his knees threaten to buckle under him as he tries to take his shoes off. He doesn’t remember being this nervous before his first time, nor was he during that awkward hand job but like, you’re experienced. He wonders what he did to deserve being the most inexperienced mid-twenties-year-old guy in the world. It’s so fucking embarrassing. 

             You guide him as soon as he gets his shoes off, taking him by the hand and practically dragging him to your room and closing the door.

 “Vernon, bed. Bed, Vernon.” You introduce in a half-joke, shoving him onto the bed and practically pouncing on him. 

             He blinks up at you from your mattress, his hair fanning out against your comforter, and honestly, the man looks so lost. You hover for a second, looking at him before straddling his hips and pushing his jacket off of him, enough to where he leans up a bit to shake it off and throw it over to the side. All while still looking at you like he’s hyper-focused. 

 “What do you want to do first?” You ask as you lift your shirt off of you, trying not to rush too much though, because the way he’s looking at you makes you feel entirely too desired and you don’t want that to end. 

 “Um,” his voice gets caught in his throat as his eyes now trail from your face to your chest. You can see him try and lift his arms to immediately grab, but he appears to be controlling himself, “kiss? Can we kiss?”

             Ah, of course. Cute, cute, cute. You grab his hand for him and place it directly onto your bra before leaning down and planting your lips against his. 

             They’re warm, and his bottom lip is plush enough to suck into your mouth for a split second before darting your tongue out. Surely he’s at least made out before, and he proves that to be a correct assumption when he kisses you back with just as much experience. His hand stays still against your chest though, no exploring, no roaming, not a rub, pinch, or grope. 

             As you kiss against him, allowing yourself to get heated up by the way he uses his tongue, you reach back to his hand and practically guide it under the bra, pressing his fingertips against the perked-up nub of your nipple and releasing the tiniest of sighs into his mouth.

             Jesus, he fucking forgot. Women moan when they feel good. They moan, and they make sounds, pretty sounds, pornographic sounds. You feel him twitch just under your ass and god, that’s all it takes? 

 “I bet if I did this–” You press yourself against him, sliding back with a harsh drag of fabric against him, “you could probably come, right?”

             He groans, wincing a bit at both the loss of your mouth and the intense pressure against his length. Sure, he definitely could. It’s actually kind of insane that he was never able to work himself to orgasm with that first girl, then again, she just kind of sat and was like “so, that’s it?”, got up, and then broke up with him. 

 “Yeah,” he chokes out, pressing his fingers against your nipple himself now and staring down at your body. His eyes flick back up to yours shortly after, trying to ignore the fact that his hips are starting to move on their own despite the pain of his denim pants rubbing against him, “but–”

 “Don’t worry, you’re not going to come yet.” You smile, lifting up and listening to a little sob leave him from another wave of pleasure running through his body at your ass sitting flush against him. You unsnap your bra this time and he could honestly start drooling at the weight of your tit in his hand, honestly, he could.

 “Let's get your clothes off too, just to save the trouble later.” You instruct this time, pulling yourself away from him and watching, yet again, how he lets out another little sob at the loss of pleasure and tits. 

             You feel so powerful right now, with him entirely at your mercy and probably very willing to do just about anything to get his dick wet. This is why you love when a man is inexperienced. You’re not being talked down to, you’re not being treated like shit, you’re not being coo’d at for essentially smothering yourself on someone’s cock. Not that you dislike that, you just would prefer to have a man do it for you from time to time. Only, you don’t treat them like shit, in fact, you’re sure he might just decide to fall in love with you after this. 

 “Take them off,” you look at him after slipping your own pants off and keeping your panties on, “shirt too please.”

             He does just as you ask, unzipping and unbuttoning his pants at lightning speed before kicking them off the end of your bed, and then lifting his shirt off in one swift motion.

 “Damn,” you scan your eyes over his body, “how do you now have women throwing themselves at you?”

             To be fair, you’re kind of throwing yourself at him. He shrugs though, ultimately wanting to stop with the small talk and start with the–uh–fucking. 

             It’s not long after that that you finally crawl onto the bed, this time lying against your pillows and looking at him. He looks a bit confused, but lifts himself up and looks back at you.

 “Come here.” you pat the bed between your legs, spreading them further for him to slot himself between them. 

             At first, he gets between your legs and appears to be attempting to lean down and kiss you again, but his eyes freeze at your chest before looking back up at you.

 “There’s a lot you wanna do, I can tell,” you smile, reaching your hand into his hair and scratching against his scalp. He closes his eyes at the soft sensation, nearly leaning into it before realizing that he’s being pulled down to your face level. “This first though, yeah?”

             He blinks at you, still as lost as he was before as you slowly guide him lower, lower, and lower until he’s got his face directly between your legs. He still looks up at you from down there and, god, okay. Vernon definitely has no idea what to do, which is both endearing and frustrating. Oh well, you guess.

             You look at him and smile, winking once before essentially pressing his face directly against your dampened panties. You can tell he still has no idea what the fuck he’s doing down there, but he does have his tongue out and he’s definitely grinding himself against nothing as you hold his face there. It’s only another moment later when you reach down and shove your panties to the side, gripping his hair slightly harder and guiding his face up a bit. Enough to where you know his lips sit directly over your clit. 

 “Lick.” You instruct, rolling your hips against his mouth as he does just that. 

             It feels warm and wet when he does it, and it takes everything in you not to ask him to lay back so you can sit on his face and essentially ride his tongue until he’s swallowing up your arousal. Thankfully, you have patience, and instead of doing that, you moan for him.

             Guiding his head up and down in short and quick motions, you press your hips further against his tongue and let out another moan, this time actually feeling incredibly turned on by the way he both licks and suckles against the bud without really knowing how good it feels for you.

 “Right there,” you groan out, holding his head in place as he flicks his tongue, “that’s the clit.”

             It’s almost laughable how fast he breaks free from the grasp in his hair just to lean his head back to see it for himself. You chuckle at it, still rolling your hips, showing yourself off for him. This time you allow him to go on his own though, and he’s definitely a quick learner. 

             Instantly he’s licking directly against your clit, straying for a few moments to lick a stripe up your folds, but always landing right back at your clit and focusing most of his attention there. 

 “Keep doing that, fuck–” you compliment him, stilling your hips and feeling the way he grabs your legs with both hands just to hold you in place so that he can bury himself further in, licking pretty much every single part of you before sucking and flicking his tongue yet again against your clit.

             With all the porn he surely watches to know that he should do that, you’re shocked he genuinely didn’t know where the clit was. 

             Rushing only slightly, you reach down to his hair and pull his head back, guiding him straight back up to your mouth before kissing him much harder than you did before. Men always love it when you taste yourself on them, and Vernon is no different when he moans into the kiss and instantly presses himself against your heat. 

             Your panties are slowly sliding back into place by the time you finish licking against his tongue, and when you pull back to look at him, he still looks like a deer in headlights.

 “If you fuck me now, I’ll go down on you in the morning–” you offer, and god he didn’t even have to think twice before he’s frantically nodding his head and leaning back on his heels. He doesn’t look down at himself, and he definitely ignores the fact that he will probably orgasm within a total of three seconds if you let him do what you’re asking. 

 “You want me on top?” You ask, already moving from your position and waiting for him to lay down, “I said I’d make you come, didn’t I?”

             He smiles, lying himself down again much as you had him originally. 

 “You don’t talk much, hm?” You ask this time, moving around on the bed until you’re beside him. You slip his boxers off fairly quickly and slip your own panties off as you wait for him to respond. 

 “I’ll say something stupid if I do,” he admits, watching you come back to his side, “I don’t want to ruin the m–”

             He’s cut off by you grabbing his cock with one hand and pumping up and down much like he would on his own. “Oh,” he groans, “okay, shit–” he mutters again.

 “There you go, keep talking. It’s cute.” You encourage, letting him now fuck up into the circle of your fist and watching the way he bites against his lower lip at the pleasure.

 “Can’t believe you let me eat you out,” he starts, eyes closing as he continues to lose himself in your hand, “didn’t know it would taste so good, like, I think I get why Mingyu always talks about eating pussy–”

 “Okay, enough talking,” you chuckle, leaning down a bit to lick against the head of his cock once, before holding the base and looking at him. “Do you want to come in me?”

             He nods frantically, breathing in deep and memorizing the way your hand feels around him, you know, for future purposes. 

             It’s like you give him no time at all to feel the loss of your hand when you sink down on him without hesitation. You knew it would knock the breath out of him, and boy did it. 

 “Okay, you can talk now,” you sigh out yourself now, feeling that he’s actually a pretty good size and could easily make you scream if he knew how to do it, “go on, talk.”

             You know he can’t, especially with the way he practically goes cross-eyed when you swirl your hips around and stretch yourself out on him. In fact, he’s so lost in it that all he can do is grip your hip with one hand and nearly rip your comforter with the other. He doesn’t even know what to do, because eating you out turning him on far more than actually being inside of that last girl, and then the way you jerked him off had his brain nearly spinning. You didn’t even warn him so he could prepare for how wet and warm your pussy feels around him. 

             Just as soon as it started, you’re pretty sure it’s about to be over. You’re watching him as you sit, his cock buried into you, and he’s just lying there whimpering. Part of you wonders if he knows he’s practically crying right now, but you don’t mind. You clench, and he lets out a little broken sob, you lift a little, and he sobs a bit louder, and then you finally lift all the way until he’s nearly pulled out of you before sitting again.

 “Oh, fuck,” he moans, his other hand shooting to your other hip and holding you down on him, “stop moving, please–”

             You tilt your head, incredibly attracted to his voice right now.

 “I thought you wanted to know what it’s like to come inside of me?” You ask mockingly, lifting again before sliding back down on him. His hands grip you even harder after that, trying to hold you down on him with a bit more force.

 “I do–” he chokes out, trying to argue with you for some reason, “just–hold on.”

             You still yourself on him, clenching still just to work him up more. You know he just doesn’t want to come because then it’ll be over, but it’s not like you don’t intend to let him try again tomorrow morning anyway.

 “Relax, you can fuck me again.” You smile, leaning down to kiss his slack lips.

             That appeared to have done it for him, because instantly he shoots one hand to your chest, the other to your cheek, and he’s kissing you so hard that you know he’s about to just let himself go. Boy does he, snapping his hips up slowly at first before picking up the pace and very clearly chasing that orgasm he’s never gotten to have with another person before.

             You hover a bit for him, allowing him to fuck up into you, and it causes your lips to slide against his at a strange pace, one where your teeth clink together, one where his moans don’t get swallowed up by your own, one where his lips go right back to falling open, slack against your own as he presses his hips impossibly deeper into you so he can do just as you said he would get to.

             The way he falls apart is so pretty. You pull back sitting harder against the pressure of his length pulsing inside of you to look at him. His hand falls from your chest, and the other falls to your waist as he releases for what you can imagine is the longest orgasm you’ve ever seen a man have. His eyes are closed, brows showing immense relief, mouth still open as he releases almost no sound at all.

             God, he’s fucking gone and it’s honestly the greatest thing you’ve ever seen a man do when he’s under you. You can’t help but fall forward again, this time against his ear and whispering. 

 “You look so good when you come,” you moan softly for him, knowing full well that he still hasn’t felt what it’s like to make a woman orgasm, “lucky me for being the first to see it.”

             His ears are ringing but he hears you so clearly, and just as his orgasm subsides, he practically clings to you, pulling you down and against him in such a bruising hug that all you can do is chuckle at how sweet it is. 

             His breath is uneven, but his cheeks are a light shade of pink and you’re entirely fixated on how bad he is at sex, but also insanely willing to fuck him over and over again, all the way until he has the skill to have you reacting this way. 

 “Good?” You ask, lifting from his hug and slowly slipping him out of you.

 “Mhm,” he hums, dazed, “you said we could do it again?”

             You laugh because of course that’s what he’s going to focus on.

 “You’ve still gotta make me come, cutie.”

             His eyes shoot open and instantly he’s nervous again. “Wait, you didn’t?”

 “Um, no?” You laugh, reaching over your bed and grabbing the shirt you’d taken off earlier to hold between your legs, since apparently he also doesn’t know that clean up is important too, and you should probably be in the bathroom right now. “can we talk while we clean up?”

             He nods, looking at you and feeling real fucking bad that he’s the only one who orgasmed.

 “No, but it’s not fair that I came and you didn’t–” He tries to argue as you clean yourself and then hand him a dampened cloth, “why didn’t you tell me?”

 “Relax, I was more focused on getting you off than myself. I still loved every second of it!”

 “But did you even feel good? God, why am I like this?” Vernon continues, shaming himself for doing exactly what you instructed. 

 “Oh my god, Vernon–” you stop him, grabbing his face with both hands and squishing his cheeks, “Stop talking, you’ll make me come plenty of times if you want, you’ve got my number.”

 “Wait,” he says between his squished cheeks, “I do?”

             You roll your eyes. Obviously he has the number of the girl he just came inside of.

 ~

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if... they were spiderman

i love spiderman just like every other bitch out there

dream: - do not be surprised if he comes out one day and claims hes a demigod and superhero and a wizard - cause if its anybody its this guy fr - if he was spiderman he wouldnt have the main and basic color scheme - hed go green like everything - green is the main color like the evermore green and black/white as the accent colors - his string also wouldnt be normal spider string i feel like itd be neon ish like miguels from the movie - he would also avoid telling you that he was spiderman till the very last moment - he would wanna keep you safe the best he can - would nEVER swing by your house - but he keeps an eye out on you when he knows ur out and about walking - but when you eventually figure it out? boy oh boy - cornering you in the street and pushing you into an alleyway - spiderman poses in front of you, hanging from his web - gives you upside down kisses???? sign me tf up - hed also get himself just the right amount involved in the crime he fought - he knows how to balance his life out, and he knows how important it is to be able to balance his life out like that - hot as spiderman  sapnap: - a reckless spiderman - leans vigilante  - out of all of them he would be the one with the suit closest to the spiderman - but im not feeling the blue - marroon and black or some other brighter color - a rash spiderman - fights crime like no business, but kinda makes a mess along the way - its okay bc the people love him - loves loves LOVES arguing with cops - tells you almost immediately after becoming spiderman bc he has to tell someone - breaks every canon event - trash talks every criminal out there - but is nice to every citizen he sees - likes webshooting your wrist to the counter or something so you cant leave or go out or smth - forces you to spend time with him :) - likes to keep out of interacting with people as spiderman  - but will use it as argument bait in day to day life - makes a hammock out of webs and lays there between two buildings - overall 7/10 spiderman

george: - is barely spiderman but when he is hes darn good at it - he leaves a lot of the petty crime to the cops - only goes out for the big stuff - dark navy blue suit with black accents - stays in the shadows/on top of buildings - doesnt interact with anyone if he can help it - the more secretive he can keep the better - he told you a fair amount of time after he went out as everyones crime fighting superhero - but he doesnt like to talk about being spiderman  - and youre fine with that, as long as he stays safe - he swings to your window every night after hes done being spiderman - hed rather be with you than someone else after the hard night hes probably had - has a habit opening your window without knowing and jumpscaring you accidentally LMFAO

karl: - oh he LOVES BEING SPIDERMAN - hes the spiderman to be on every cereal box and phone cover and talk show - loves taking pictures especially with little children in their own spiderman costumes - after he captures and ties up every criminal he leaves a little goofy aah note for the cops to laugh at - unlike sapnap he has a great rep w the cops  - he told you after he “test” ran it - actually he just showed up with the mask on and you were like “SPIDERMAN OMG LET ME CAL MY BF” - and then spidermans phone was ringing and you were like - “what” - “im spiderman!” - “WHAT” - his suits like - i feel like it changes color in the sun - its one of those suits - and hes the only one out of all to have an assistant ai thing in his suit to lead him through crime - he might be a more light hearted spiderman but he still deals with the same dangerous crime

quackity: - this guy loves to swing - he will put his headphones on and jump off the nearest building - mona lisa by dominic fike - soars to the ground and then swings up at the last moment - swings to the beat of the music to relax - he has the normal suit i think - but he has his hair comin out of the suit like pavitr  - loves to take you swinging - even if you may find it terrifying - he likes the feeling of sharing with you his favorite activity - fights crime like no ones business - he told you like a few months after being spiderman - he just jumped down from the ceiling  - “? what” - “spiderman!” - “...what” - yeah  - idk all i can think of is that quackity likes to swing around the city just for the heck of it - “WOAH ITS SPIDERMAN” “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” 

wilbur: - has a black suit like miles - tommy is his guy in the chair LMFAO - in his ear like “SWING LEFT I MEAN RIGHT I MEAN LEFT” - mutes tommy half the time - leaves you little messages in web on the walls of the house - “love you!” but its in spider web - actively holds a conversation with the people hes fighting - “so hows your day?” *PUNCH* “hows ur kid doing?” *OBLITERATES* - uses physics and shit to his advantage cause hes not that built - another one whos hot as spiderman - never EVER brings you out as spiderman - EVER - will bring tommy tho - cause tommy annoys him into doing - “BIG UPS WILBUR!!” “SHH TOMMY” - is spidermans biggest fan even though hes spiderman - “they will never suspect spidermans biggest fan as spiderman!” - smart ngl 

guys all i can think about is spiderman its a dilemma an issue a problem  sorry for the short headcanons i had to get my thoughts out of the way!

[the-s1lly-corner]

WOoOoOoO SPOOKY SEASON REQUIRES SPOOKY STUFF

Anyways

I would love to request an Child ghost!reader and the gang, basically child reader got murdered when they were using the VR and their soul got stuck into the game.

Their soul being so GORY AND DISTORTED, like an arm is missing, one eye is like hanging out and their head has an hole. Reader can get invisible like a ghost and move things with only their mind, and they are very quiet and just observes, rarely get mad or anything, but when they snap (for example: Because of jax's pranks) they start throwing things around dim the lights and scream, and lets put like, Reader's screams are like LOUD as hell, basically like an ghost tantrum.

So basically Child reader is just an sad messed up lil goof who needs comfort and therapy.

Sorry if its long, i love love love your blog btw!

-🌹

TADC cast x ghost!child!reader (platonic + light found family) !

going to take a different approach to writing this one, since i feel bad about being selective of cast/multi characters today, so! rather than having divided segments like usual, its going to be a group thing! hope thats alright! going to be the last request of this batch them imma make something to eat rq for dinner then get back to writing YAHOO!

when you joined the digital circus, you were already very obviously different from the rest of the gang. even if your gore was toned down thanks to your body being digitized; the programming seemed to struggle with altering your body into something unique... strange... it also seems your body is fighting back against the programming of the world, seemingly trying to restore itself. The effect makes you almost look like you're glitching, or even abstracting

Caine doesnt immediately pick up on your presence, i feel like its in his programming to be aware when a new member joins the circus, but for some reason he didnt notice you until he saw you, or someone brings you up to him

It was Ragatha, who was trying to get answers from him. Who's kid was this? Is it really fair to let a kid be stuck here? Obviously she knew Caine couldnt do anything about it now that you were here, nor did he have any hand in you putting on the headset.

Except... you correct them and say you didn't put on any headset, you were trapped in it.

Of course you're trapped, just like the rest of us, Jax says

None of them immediately believe you try to tell them you're a ghost. Except of course, Kinger, who reasons that that's why you look the way you do; and Gangle, who in my opinion probably finds interest in the supernatural.. or maybe that's just me projecting onto her. Who knows. But the point still stands, almost everyone doesn't believe you.

Not long after, Jax accidentally ropes you into prank that was originally intended for Zooble, I dont think Jax would go as far as to bully a child.... well... actually no, he seems like the type to bully kids on roblox.

The prank wasnt planned for you, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You open a door, and are immediately greeted with a fake snake lunging out at you. You scream, more so out of surprise and fear than anger. It does turn into anger when Jax laughs at you, still finding some kind of joy from the prank getting at least someone. Your scream rises, causing nearly everyone to cover their ears, the rest were not there in the room but would come rushing to see what the hell was going on

I think it would be that instance as well as a few other; namely ones where you became invisible and started removing one of Zooble's limbs after they (unintentionally) said something a little too mean to you. The idea of you being a ghost was further cemented when both Gangle and Ragatha watched you literally phase through a wall. But hey at least someone (Jax) starts laying off of you when it becomes clear you weren't lying

There's mixed feelings, a lot negative. I mean, you're just a kid and you're. Well, a ghost. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to come to the conclusion that something happened to you. Whether or not you remember the details of your death when you became a ghost, or after joining the digital world, is all up to you

Caine, as mentioned before in posts where the reader is a child, tries to be a father figure. He's not the best, since he's programmed to be a ring master, but he definitely tries his best. I like to think he tries to read you bedtime stories when the digital world simulates 'night'

Pomni, who I totally didn't forget, tries to overcome her fear of you and your ghostly powers, ultimately becoming sympathetic you and your situation. Not only was your life cut short, but you were trapped here too, you didn't even get to roam the world in the afterlife. Interactions with her are awkward but there's an effort to try to bring you some form of comfort

Jax, after he stops pulling jokes on you cant deny that he doesnt find you creepy. I think, though, he would ask you if you want to help him scare some of the other members. Whether you be offended by the concept or not is also up to you, since I'm not sure if you wanted the reader to be sensitive regarding their current predicament or not

Ragatha goes into full big sister mode, even before it's confirmed that you're a ghost. Sure, she's a little put off by your ganky and gorey looks, but her heart aches for you. Similar to Caine she tries to do general child care activities with you, perhaps if you let her, she would do your hair and make you dresses

Kinger will take a while to warm up to you, but I think after some time would start to open up to you, usually it's best to interact with him when he's already in a calmer state. He already gives me dad vibes that I cant pin down... but he would tell you stories of his past (in house) adventures and some funny stuff that has happened over his time in the digital world

Zooble is going to need a moment to get over the invisible dismemberment thing... as well as Zooble being Zooble and needing some time to warm up to people in general... Not much to be said, yet...

Gangle would offer to lend you some art supplies... kids like arts and crafts stuff, right? Thats her logic, at least, and if it means you have an outlet for your emotions then that would be great!

Overall you now have a funky found family, so hey, at least things aren't totally... terrible.. Unfortunately with them stuck in the digital world they can't do much to get you justice, if you let them know you were murdered. But rest assured if your killer somehow gets trapped in there with them and you recognize them, they have your back

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not inviting a friend of mine into my dnd campaign?

so i (18nb) have a friend (18nb, Martin) who i play in a main dnd campaign with with all our other friends (Ill name them Dan, Virgil, Mark, and Ray). Dan is our DM after we kicked out the old one bc she was horrible. We're a pretty close group of friends, but lately we've all been really busy with respective school & work, ect. so we didnt play dnd for a solid, like,, 4 months. I DMed a one shot for everyone besides Ray cause she was flaky anyway, and added in my boyfriend Zeke for it.

Everyone had a really fun time w it and I loved everyones characters, especially Dan's. I watch a lot of dnd shows, so i just keep getting more ideas- but while the one shot was fun it was messy as hell. Ive been wanting to write a campaign for a smaller group for a while, (because when i tried making a campaign with the whole group the character creations were... disappointing to say the least. this sounds mean but i created a fairy world that was very magical & told everyone to go crazy on character creation in a world with few/no humans, and like 5/6 people opted to be a human with a fighting class :/ )

ive been writing a campaign that im really proud of and have a good vision for, and decided to include Mark (because we're best friends) Zeke (because he wants to play dnd more and has no opportunities) Dan (bc he never gets to be a player) and then another close friend of mine outside the group named Gabe (who i love but never get to see) I love their characters & we're all super excited.

Thing is. I was briefly talking with Dan, Zeke and Mark about it at school bc I'd sent everyone a little intro message for the world and they were all super excited and wanted to talk to me about their classes. Virgil had no problem with this and was excitedly asking abt the world + characters along with some other friends from school, but Martin got quiet and went and sat by himself. I could tell they were off, but Martin is generally a quiet person anyway and is often sad + doesnt want to talk for like a hundred different reasons, so i left her alone. Later that day in a different class I have with Virgil he showed me his phone where Martin had sent him a message saying she was really disappointed & felt left out that i hadnt invited them to my campaign.

i instantly felt bad and started to text him, but,,,, to be honest, i dont think im at all responsible for this.

i have reasons for leaving Martin out, the main one being that they just..... arent a very active player. Hes soft spoken and doesnt actually like rping their characters- her character in our main campaign is/was literally mute bc they said they didnt want to have to speak as him. (theyve since taken this back and went through with a curse breaking thing to be able to speak, but her character,,, still doesnt talk much.) he writes really good, sad backstories but doesnt actually play or do anything with them and gets uncomfortable acting. Their characters are not only emotional, but like. crazy. they play a bunch of cool tieflings with insane magic classes & features and then, again,,,, dont roleplay them. I didnt want the group to be big and had a good reason for including everyone that i did, and our other friends that arent in it (Virgil, Ray who is Martins sister btw, all our other d&d interested friends at school) literally dont mind at all. i just wrote a campaign that theyre not in. Martin also has their feelings hurt very easily, so to be honest i just find her being sad about not being in it just... stupid. id never say that to his face & i get that he feels bad, but like....cmon.

im aware im a very very incredibly low empathy person- to be honest i struggle with depression and bpd very heavily and am often mean to my friends & loved ones without really processing why or how much it affects them. i told Virgil that i thought Martins reaction was stupid, and he said that that wasnt fair bc Martin had always been in my campaigns before (which is, yknow, one. Martin and I were even in a campaign with a completely different group a while back and Martin willingly left it very early because the group was loud & their character wasnt doing anything (yeah)). Every time Martins expressed (or i guess not expressed) sorrow for not being invited to it ive just sort of ignored them. this again isnt that uncommon cuz when shes sad he doesnt like to talk about it, and also they havent directly confronted me with this at all.

ive been talking about the campaign a lot because it occupies frankly a lot of my brain because i have so much to write, and i especially talk to the people that arent in it bc theres no risk of slipping up and telling them something they arent supposed to know. The other friend, Gabe, is friends with Zeke and Mark and I, and Dan is good around new people,, but Martins really quiet around people he doesnt know well, so if i invited her anyway they'd probably play the game even less than they already do.

again, im really bad at having an actual perspecitve on this. Virgil said he feels bad for Martin but not for himself, as far as i know Dan doesnt know about the situation, and i literally just dont wanna involve Mark and Zeke (Zeke HATES conflict and when people fight so he really doesnt have to be involved.) Mark Martin and I have all been really close friends since literally 7th grade and I guess Martin especially feels left out that I involved Mark and not them but Marks both really good at character creation and also talking in character, and like, hes my best friend who i do everything with.

I dont wanna blow off Martins emotions but but i truly dont give a shit that they feel betrayed by my not inviting him. especially because they havent bothered actually telling me this. objectively i dont think its my fault even a little, and Martin is really horrible at handling their emotions anyway (this isnt an insult, just a fact. i am too). aita for not inviting him + not caring that shes upset by it and acting like they arent?

sorry this is so long i really like providing context

What are these acronyms?

[cafecourage]

Dragon au part 4 of 4 (finally)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Four:

- Another serpent boy. But he is a noodle with legs. Four’s scales are a pale yellow color but because of the Colors™️ you can see their respective colors reflected back in the light. Four’s dragon form has four sets of horns the second pair grew in later in life thanks to the four swords.

- Four comes from a family of Earth Dragons with metal ties. Meaning they are metal benders ATLA style. He can also infuse elemental powers into his weapons through the uses of gems. Everything he owns has been updated for him as he went through. Anything he wants to test or experiment he tries on his own weapons and. Equipment. Though I am sure Wild would lend him a few things. Four can also shrink on command and split.

- His scent gland is on his forehead, and honestly his scent is basically a berry medley with a bit smoke. He doesn't tend to rub his scent on things as he doesnt care about claiming much. His family has a lot in their horde already, he also isn’t the type to claim family.

- Unfortunately he does have cat tendencies despite his fear of them. But even then that isn’t something he has clued in on and I don’t recommend pointing it out as he would get pouty.

You honestly didn’t know that Dragons can purr. To be fair only the only ‘purring’ you have heard was Twilight but his was more of a low growl. Four has been cuddling into your side purring. He was a bit sick and being the other medic of the team. He has been rubbing his face on your shoulder for a while now. A fruity aroma was getting stronger and stronger.

You put your hand on his forehead. Still warm… well you don't have the heart to move either. Not when he is suffering this much.

- It honestly doesn’t even process that Four claimed you by accident. He probably just thinks it was temporary since he was sick and is kinda in denial about it all. Claiming isn’t something he was going to do for a while even though he is a slightly hopeless romantic. It’s not the end of the world.

- He honestly is pretty up front about what he did and his feelings. He understands if you don’t want to date him but Four wont let you down. This man is polite and respectful and will spoil you. What more do you need?

- I also feel like he wouldn’t be that subjected to his dragon instincts. He has been around enough treasure and making enchanted weapons enough not to get gold fever. So top tier in terms of semi normal.

Fierce Diety:

- A god in his own right Feirce Diety is of course the strongest dragon in the group. He is built similar to Time, bulky and strong. Similar to Time, FD’s Scales are marbled but instead of just the gray and black tones you find in white marble there is also red, blue and gold. Though on his face you still have his signature markings.

- Fierce Deities powers are weird. He has the ability to affect gravity in the sense that he can make his sword slash go down harder, he can make himself move faster and he can jump higher. He can also make himself stronger in general and change how he looks. Given that so many people wore his mask he can shift into them borrowing their image. Sort of. There are differences between what fierce looks like and whoever he is stealing from looks like.

- I actually don’t know what god would smell like. But I do know he probably has a scent gland on his sides. Making it so when he is protecting you his scent gets all on you as your tucked into him safe and sound. By the end of it would probably smell like dried herbs, sage is probably the highest note there is. But it’s warm and old and comforting to you. Maybe not to others.

The War God doesn’t understand how he was in this situation. Not that he was complaining. It just was so long since he was outside of that prison of a mask that he wasn’t used to so much physical touch. With one of the children cuddled into one of his sides, then the other side was you. The person he went into battle to save. You unfortunately were hurt but not too much. Fierce Deity sighs as he relaxes not really knowing if he should move or not.

But as your arms around him tightened gave his answer. Fierce Deity was trapped here. There was no moving here.

- Fierce deity is another person that honestly will tell you outright and might give you no choice. You are his that (might) be final. I say that only because FD is a god. I would imagine even with him being in the seal he would have the largest horde as it includes people. So if you’re not also courting him, you’re still in his horde and will be in his protection. But uh… I wouldn’t suggest saying no to courting.

- Either way he is more subtle but also the most extreme with his dragon instincts. Like out of all the boys in the chain FD will be the most traditional in his belief. He will not mark you out right but he will be pushy unfortunately.

[lilrobotman]

Hey trans mascs on HRT who are feeling hair loss p hard: rosemary oil may be a good option if you want to promote a bit of new growth and keep your hair nice and healthy. I've had decent results using it for about 4 months now, parts of my hair that were thinning have thickened back up a fair amount

There are a few studies showing that rosemary oil is about as effective as other hair loss treatments like here and here, but it's definitely a field needing more study, though I've seen plenty of testimonies from others backing up its efficiency (me included!)

Some things of note:

-Obviously I'm only speaking from personal experience and not everyone is the same! I can not speak to how effective this will be for you.

-Like with hair loss treatments, if you stop using it, your hair will return to its former state. However the great thing with rosemary oil is that it takes forever to go through a bottle. You only need 5-10 drops per application and you only need to use it a couple times a week. Most bottles of rosemary essential oil cost about 10 dollars, which I find to be a decent price considering how long it can last.

-Additionally, rosemary oil seems to only work on thickening up pre-existing and thinning hair, not make new hair (at least for me). My high peaks have hardly gained any new growth but what I do have has thickened up quite a bit.

If you want to try rosemary oil, please make sure to only use it 1-3 times a week and mix it with a shampoo or carrier oil (jojoba and coconut are good ones). Rosemary oil is really strong. Dont apply it to you bare scalp without diluting it a bit. Make sure you scrub it into your scalp for a couple minutes, and most importantly, be patient. Like many hair loss treatments, it takes about 4-6 months to really start seeing a change. I still suggest looking into more detailed application descriptions as applying it correctly is rather important, applying straight up rosemary oil to your hair will probably make things worse.

Additionally, these tips are coming from a white guy with cowlicks and stiff hair, if you're someone with a different hair texture, please make sure to research what others like you may have said about applying rosemary oil. Always use a carrier unless the product you get says otherwise!

DO NOT USE IT FOR BEARD GROWTH. The androgen, dihydrotestosterone (DHT), is what promotes male pattern baldness but it also promotes beard growth. Supposedly (and this is not a claim I have 100% verified as scientifically true but I've seen this explanation used quite frequently) rosemary oil helps block the production of DHT. So using it on your beard will likely not help it.

Please know this is a post with good intentions, I'm not trying to give anyone false hope. My hair loss really made me stressed and dropped my confidence a lot. Some hair loss medicines have been known to cause trans mascs to start their period again and their overall efficiency is flaky, so I didn't want to try any of them. Rosemary oil has been very helpful for me and it could be for you! The worst thing the oil can do is make your hair smell nice, even if it doesnt give you a lions mane. Just remember to be patient and do some research about applying before starting :]

[jestersking]

Owen: “Hi, Martyn. It’s been a good while, huh? Spring just started. We built ourselves a little house. We even left a room for you, I think you would have liked it. It’s been... Hard without you. You were such a reliable part for all of us, that it’s kinda hard to actully... Live without you. And managing the rats became so much more difficult! It’s like your chaotic attitude helped them being calm, huh.  Besides, I would really love to hear your advices on some things... Well, it doesn’t matter where you are - we always have a room for you. Or your spirit. I prefer not to think about it. We miss you.” Apo: “Hey, Martyn. Since you left I became a main tailor in the house. It’s kinda funny ‘cause the only thing that I really can’t do is hats. But I’m trying. Sometimes I work in your room. It just feels like you are right here, right beside me and you watch me. I hope you don’t mind me here.” Scott: “Hello, Martyn. I’m sorry.” Bek: “HOYYYYY MARTYYN!!!  You WILL NOT BELIVE THAT!! Me and El are !!OFFICIALLY!! married!! Yep! I did it! Acho was our priest! I hope you are proud of me!  Sometimes when she says something incredibly cheesy I look around hoping that I’ll hear you scuff or laugh. But you are not here. And it’s fine! Truly, it’s okay! I will take care of your room! And your Ratsune Miku wig too!  i miss you” Will: “Hello-hello, Mraty.  How aeu you? Wee doing jusut fine. I hope yu dotoo.  Acho is techin me, how to wiret poems! Its rally fun and i love it. it’s knd hadr to hold a pen but im dong ny best! I wuld luve y to jion us.  Can i aks yo someing? Do you like daises r rsses more? I wnt to decoaret ur door.  With lvoe, Will.” Jimmy: Tubbo: “AT MARTYN. MARTYN RARF. MRATUN. EVERYOEN IS SO DSADD THAT UR GONE BUT URE NOT GONE RIGHN??? UR IN OUR WALLS I KNOW IT!! U WIIUDLNT LEAVE US RIGHT?? RIGHT?? Martyn? You’re here, right?” El: “Martyn. It’s been so long and I’m still not used to the thought of you not being here. That I can’t knock on your door and you won’t be here meeting me with that cocky smile of yours. I know, I should stop hoping. But sometimes I still do. I’m dreaming of your voice. Bek misses you a lot, you know? Sometimes I can hear her crying while she’s cleaning your room. I can’t help her, I would cry too.” Krow: “Dear Martyn: Go Fucking Fuck Yourself.  I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you more than I hate cats.  I hate you for pushing me into the portal. I hate you for killing Oliver. I hate you because you always were so agressive to our guests. I hate you for leaving. I hate you because you were so dear to everyone. I hate you because you made everyone love you and then YOU FUCKING LEAVE.  I hate you because you made everyone cry. I hate you. You left. You fucking left us. Why? Why? Have I done something? I’m sorry. Please just go back. I’m begging you. Please. Please.” Oli: “’sup mraty  ah i havent said that name in a while. its like a curse in this house. no one talks about u. thats fair. i hate talking about u too.  i know ur not dead. u just better than this. yeah u better than dying. but u left us anyway. why? god if i know. god if anyone knows. but u know i belive thats its a cool reason. like ur saving the world or something. i wouldnt be suprised lol. it doesnt matter. truly it doesnt. whatever you are doing: we still love u. and we trust u. u always will be a shining star for us, a sweet memory.  we love you, Mraty.”

[misfithive]

Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.

Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.

Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)

i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.

Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.

THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.

Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)

[geneticcatalyst]

as promised, an exploration of my one pet problem in fandom, or: misinterpretation of jby's first death (ft. zzs)

heres the thing. i occasionally see people reference what seems to be a misconception of the (english translation) text in qi ye. both the fact that its a translation and the metaphorical phrasing make it pretty clear to see why they got the wrong idea, but i firmly believe its still the wrong idea. i am by no means calling the people who got this mixed up dumb or bad, i am simply leaning over their shoulders going 'wait no bestie pls read that again pls read that one more time!!' because this is one of my favorite books and this thing is a key piece of one of my favorite things about it.

i said i was gonna pull screenshots for this post but i think it will be a little while before i get to another reread and i can't ctrl+f the google doc so im just gonna whip this out from memory. if anyone does have this particular passage on hand feel free to pop it in here. the rest of the context/explanations are just from my cursory research, im not chinese or a historian.

cards on the table. the only thing i love more than unhinged gay romances is unhinged platonic soul mates. its catnip to me. i go feral every goddamn time. and i havent stopped losing my mind about zhou zishu and jing beiyuan since that first qi ye scene. what do those guys have going on? not even sure they know but it's A Lot. ive got like 18 other unpublished drafts trying to work that out slash losing my fucking mind at the lengths they go to about each other. that relationship is at the center of both novels even if the spotlight isnt on it. so I admit that my readings are colored a bit by how much i like that they like each other!

which is why im shocked baffled and, ok, lightly salted, to see a few people make the claim that zishu (personally) tortured/killed beiyuan in his first life.

so what the text says is that after helian yi stopped trusting beiyuan (after su qingluan's accidental death), he was basically put to death. but even the emperor has to have a half decent reason to execute someone. the text describes these reasons- ten of them- as zhou zishu's masterpieces. it also refers to them as great shames to beiyuan's standing. what's happening is that helian yi has zishu frame beiyuan for treason or other betrayals against the emperor/the country. it isn't specific as to what, but it doesn't really matter, because its all fake and zishu is really good at his job. so yes, it is fair to say that zishu is the INSTRUMENT of beiyuan's death, but he didn't kill him, he just laid the groundwork.

the text goes on to another slightly confusing line where it says something to the effect of that when each of these accusations were read out in court, each line drew blood from jing beiyuan. that's a metaphor! it's just saying that his reputation was torn apart and ultimately his fate is sealed, despite the phrasing there are no literal injuries happening.

also, i may not have the timeline perfect on this part, but in zishu's introduction in the beginning of the novel, the narration tells us outright that while zishu is partially responsible for beiyuan's death, he was like. cool about it. in what seems to be the first and only time he ever steps out of line or goes against helian yi's command (!), after setting all this up but- if im remembering right- before the news actually breaks in court the next day, zishu warns beiyuan. now this admittedly doesnt do a whole lot because the only other possible option (cut and run) isn't a very good one, but it's the only thing zishu can do. he doesnt have to, but he does it anyway (!). of course beiyuan doesnt even consider doing this, he's stubborn and heartbroken, but he really seems to 1. appreciate the risk zishu took here to try to give him a chance and 2. not hold the whole set up against zishu or take that bit personally.

so what actually happened at the end of beiyuan's first life? he was sent the 3 zhang of white silk. the text does explicitly say this once, but if you're not familiar with the practice it may not click. receiving the white silk from the emperor is what happens when you're too high ranking to execute like a commoner but you've fallen from grace and are being politely asked to hang yourself in order to clear your name. and of course beiyuan, stubborn and heartbroken, does. yes, it's a forced suicide, but it isn't a murder.

anyway, its in that secret conversation, where zishu secretly meets with beiyuan seemingly to try to convince him to save himself and beiyuan outright refuses, that beiyuan promises that if theres a next life (ha), they'll get drunk together. and of course against all odds, there is and they do.

the thing about the idea that some people might think that zishu killed beiyuan is that after that nothing between them makes sense. even if it was at helian yi's request, i just cant see that not permanently damaging the friendship, i don't think beiyuan could immediately pick back up being best friends in the seventh life with that memory in the way. why would zishu go out of his way to warn beiyuan one day if he was perfectly capable and fine with killing him the next? why would beiyuan not only be happy to meet zishu again in the seventh life but also go out of his way trying to save zishu's? none of their other interactions really make sense if you believe there was a murder done there. idk. it clouds the whole throughline of the story which is that they have a bond!

i think maybe people think it is in character due to the other ruthless murders, and they're not wholly wrong, but that's the kicker for me. zishu will murder all kinds of innocents no questions asked, but he's suddenly trying to give an out to his coworker and drinking buddy? hello? thats insane, and that's the point.

furthermore, if you think maybe it would make sense for helian yi to have beiyuan violently killed (since it keeps fucking happening later), i actually have to become helian yi's lawyer for a moment here and say that that doesnt make sense either. helian yi is sitting on a throne gained by shadowy means but he's the Good Guy Ruler and that reputation is important. hes not a cruel person and he may have become paranoid but he still has a shared history with beiyuan. plus, even the emperor has to abide by a certain amount of decorum when he wants to have people killed, especially when that person is also a high ranking member of court. beiyuan's status is basically second only to the royal bloodline, he's essentially the prev emperor's godson, as well as a previously close confidante of helian yi himself. the white silk was regarded as a privileged, dignified means of offing someone. helian yi is perfectly within social acceptability to do this to beiyuan with the pretext of beiyuan's disgrace. but it would be pushing the boundaries for the good and just emperor to suddenly have one of his top advisors and members of high nobility brutally killed like a common criminal. he could probably do it, but it would reflect on him and his reputation too. he could do it in secret, but would have to cover up the disappearance of a prominent court figure. it just makes sense to use the white silk as the neatest, most acceptable legal justice channel here. maintain emotional detachment, be polite, everybody's honor gets honored and such.

so that's the ted talk. theres even some beautiful fanart on here of white-haired first life beiyuan holding the white silk! he wasn't tortured or outright executed, and he chose to obey rather than escape or fight the false claims of treason even though his friend tried to give him the only out he could manage. to interpret things differently really skews the character motivations and plot for everyone- beiyuan, zishu, helian yi- in a way that warps the story out of believability, imho.

[glitchysquidd]

glitchy, i know you probably didnt mean it all in a way of hate but like you do know the n word was used to talk down and rebuke people of dark skin back in the slavery days. And i understand that its said a lot in your area but like for you to support it is not really putting you in a good light.

like i dont think you personally say it but you basically stood up for kaz saying it and him saying it like that just doesnt sit well with me.

i just heard about the drama with you guys and melo a couple hours ago so like idk..

melo seemed pretty upset about it so like idk, im not trying to hate on you or anything im just tryin to say why so many people would get offended by it, which i agree with because even though im white it could still harm dark skinned people, even if the person saying it IS dark skinned

Okay, I completely get this.

I completely understand this, I don't stand for the word either, in fact it bugs me or irritates me to hear it. I need you to understand from my point of view.

I didn't want a situation.

I tried talking to melo about it quickly to get it done with but worded it all horribly. That's my bad, that's my fault.

Kaz does not say it often or even ever, he does not make racist jokes "all the time."

And yes it's still bad he even said it even once. And they left out the context that kaz was reading offensive memes with melo.

It wasn't overly aggressive in context.

Does it make it okay? No.

He even came to me about it later that night, saying he was uncomfortable that even he had said it.

He was upset with himself.

Rightfully so.

I feel it's fair to add he also felt slightly pressured by Melo asking him again and again if he's racist.

It's definitely my fault that I worded it in a way that made him seem definitely racist when thats my fault.

He shouldn't be receiving a lot of flak I think I should for the misinformation and poor wording.

I've even told my friends who have said it to stop. I know I still hang out with them but it's literally just the environment I live in.

I don't like this environment, I want to leave as soon as possible.

Melo has left out context, etc. And Kaz didn't talk them down, maybe it seemed that way from their view but... his jokes do kind of poke and prod in a friendly way. I understand maybe they were too nervous to ask or speak up. However Kaz didn't mean it in a mean way or harmful way.

And Melo isn't perfect in this situation either.

Are they wrong for talking about it and expressing worry? No, that's their right, they can do as they please.

Personally I don't like situations like this because then people are fighting with each other. I didn't mean to be scary to them because I'm a bigger artist I'm barely popular by actual normal standards.

I apologize on my mistakes, as so does Kazachi.

They didn't try to completely talk it through with me, I would have respectfully had a talk with them.

I in no way meant any harm in this situation.

I'll take my fault.

I know I'm not completely in the right.

I understand people who block me, and unfollow me. Feel free to do so.

There's nothing I can personally say to make the situation right. I'm not perfect, never was, I'm sorry.

You guys might not see me for awhile, as I'm not in a good head space currently, but I hope you guys have a nice time.

I will probably reply to a few more things.

But I cannot say much on the situation.

I just can't.

I'm sorry this even happened to begin with.

Any posts further on that don't talk about this situation are more than likely scheduled/queued.

I haven't been in a good head space in awhile and I definitely need a break from the internet.

[jessenitrogen]

cybertronian anatomy ?? (headcanons)

FAIR WARNING, I STILL DONT KNOW THE MOST ABT TRANSFORMERS, I KNOW THERES A TCOG AND A SPARK BUT THATS IT AND ALSO WHILE I DID TAKE ANATOMY CLASS I FORGOT A BIT OF IT BUT and doesnt help I know next to nothing abt mechanics stuff

and another fair warning, the headcanons are canon to ME when I put them in the context of my continuity and exist bcuz I thought of it to fit in my continuity/my designs bcuz fuck it we ball

DENTA/TEETH/DIGESTIVE SYSTEM?

I think the purpose of their denta would not to chew but to bite into energon. Theyre metal beings, that are BIG in most cases, I believe they have a bite force strong enough enough to bite into energon in its mineral state.

For denta appearance, (while I dont know the best shape there is to cut into rock) would be sharp teeth, yknow pointed teeth. Some cybertronians have sharp pointed teeth and then there are some who dont. Well heres the kicker since these guys can also transform, I feel like they can alter their denta shape as well. highly compacted plates that can loosen and move when need be or something. Their sharp teeth can pop out like that HTTYD scene with Toothless popping out his teeth

They dont have tongues, cuz they dont taste, or use it to swallow, or use it to talk. They just kinda. Lean their helms back to get energon into their throats, like birds!!

And they dont need a tongue to formulate their speech, for their voice box is like, a literal box that generates sound waves that is the cybertronians voice. A cybertronian moves their mouth as to not muffle their voice.

While their denta is not designed to chew, in order to get energon into a shape/size that can get to their version of stomachs, their throats grind the energon into smaller bits so it can travel easier through their esophagus. or whatever the cybertronian equivalent is.

Once the energon gets to their stomachs, its melted down into a liquid state so it can flow to the spark where it is essentially "charged" and then can flow throughout tubes and circuits and power their bodies/frames and systems. And I believe, the cybertronians were created in such a way that they can utilize every component of energon so nothing goes to waste.

Cybertronians were created before the technology was made that could convert energon into a liquid state. That tech was made as to cut down digestive time and save energy that could be used for other things.

SKIN/INTEGUMENTARY SYSTEM

idk what cybertronian skin is called and I barely remember what the integumentary system is other than its skin it helps regulate body temp and helps fight infection?

ANYWAYS their skin is like a very flexible metal, its thinner in parts where the frame has more armor, but thicker in places that dont have armor to compensate for the lack of armor.

Here in this thin layer of metal are receptors that can sense touch and pain, and like idk abt this part but wanna say there is a thin layer of wire net/mesh that can either warm up or cool down as a way to assist the cybertronians ventilation system (ventilation system does most of the work when cooling down the frame)

This layer can repair itself over time. It can also be replaced with external metal if the layer is too damaged. During the early times of the War for Cybertron injuries were repaired with external metal. This external metal did not include touch/pain receptors or the wire net/mesh that assists with temp regulation. Those who were frequently repaired with this external metal have some resistance to pain but have the tendency to overheat, in severe cases need an external source to cool down their frames. ie, dipping in water

Cybertronians need to stay at a constant temp, normally a LOT warmer than we do, in order to keep the energon in a liquid state and stay warm during the nights on Cybertron. If they get too cold the energon can solidify again and cause blockage in circuits and tubing. But if their frames get too hot, the processor can fry, circuits can melt, etc

EXTRA/HALFBAKED HEADCANONS

these I dont have detailed thought on atleast yet, but

They wouldnt have noses. they dont breathe, or smell, so.

They dont have ANY reproductive organs, internal or external. They cannot reproduce with eachother or by themselves. their numbers only increase bcuz of the Allspark

AND THATS ALL I HAVE rn I'd like to state here and now that these headcanons definitely apply to all of my characters and my continuity versions of canon characters. and like, no one has to agree with them or use them but it's also cool if someone does

[koipalm]

For sy attendant au - what are SQQ attitude and feelings towards SY, if you don't mind me asking?

Because what I read so far hadn't painted him in good light. Like sure - he wants to survive and SY is an key asset in that, but the way he goes around it is... questionable.

so i answered this ask about it but i just realized that i dont think i tagged it with anything so. MY BAD thats my bad

the long and short of it is that sqq is definitely not a good person in this au lol. granted theres less of the overt child abuse because sy is able to stop some of that but sy still is very much a servant to him. one of the better things about this au is that sqq really just sees sy as a means to an end.. there is some attachment to him but sqq really does not really see sy as someone with his own agenda outside of like. living comfortably. its kind of good in a way that like sqq will grant sy a general amount of mobility around the sect because of sy's vague position and he doesnt reeaally care what shen yuan is doing if its not actively doing work for the peak or sqq.

sqq really sees sy as more of like. a political pawn? in a way. like he keeps sy close for appearances around the sect and he does in some way feel like hes doing charity work because by extension of working for him sy is granted a fair amount of power and status. but he doesnt care what shen yuan does in his free time or for fun. sqq is not the worst person of all in this au but he is definitely someone who isnt afraid of using others to help himself. that and like. its definitely a pat on the back for him of being able to say "well you were sent here to take my place and instead of killing you as was my right i HELPED you and i even gave you your own place on this peak and look at you now. youre mingling with some of the best and the brightest that the cultivation world has to offer" like nevermind that he isnt interested in helping sy with his own cultivation lawl

ok that wasnt short at all sorry but sqq is using sy but he also feels like hes helping him a bit. its a pretty unequal give and take so they definitely have an unhealthy relationship. that being said i think sy goes out of his way to misunderstand sqq a lot because he allows his hate of sqq to shape how he sees his actions.. so he doesnt put a lot of effort into actually examining how sqq differs from the book. also now that ive had a lot of time to think on this au i dont really think that sy's end goal in all of this would be to LEAVE as much as it would be he would want an actual firm position and leverage over sqq so he didnt feel so unstable. that and he does feel indebted to sqq. he could probably handle being around the guy if sqq didnt have so much say over his life

[slashrrr]

Jackass/CKY/Viva La Bam headcanons - Being a Dad - Ryan Dunn, Rake Yohn, Brandon Dicamillo, Raab Himself, Brandon Novak, Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and Chris Pontius

(based off what i think)

Ryan Dunn:

-Will spoil and cherish your kids

-if you have girls he will call them princess

-you got boys he will call them buddy

-will want 3-4 kids so they will never be lonely

-during pregnancy he will help you with anything and will get anything you want, McDonald's at 2am? He's getting it, need to sit down but dont have any seats? Sit on his lap, he will baby you until the kid arrives.

Rake Yohn:

-This man is the definition of daddy, he is so good to you when your pregnant, after you give birth, basically in general he is the best

-lets be honest, this man looks like he has a breeding kink.

-will probably want like 2 kids or 3 but not too many - like ryan he doesnt want them to be lonely.

-he wont spoil them but he will definitely give them lots of stuff, not too much to the point to were they are spoiled though.

-baby is crying in the middle of the night? Dont worry hes already getting up

Brandon Dicamillo:

-probably a very fun dad

-i feel like he would want only 2 kids just so one can be a mummys kid and one can be a daddys kid

-he will take them everywhere and anywhere, they wanna go to the amusement park? Start packing your bag.

-he will set his foot down on occasion, but mostly leaves the lecturing to you

Raab Himself:

- would be the shy dad, got a conference with the kids teacher? You get to do the talking.

-you guys will probably have 1 kid but with him it feels like you have 2, because he is just as immature

-he is a good dad though, he may be a bit immature but he will help with the kid, and he will be very good when you are pregnant.

Brandon Novak:

-depends if this is the 2000s or after he gets sober, if he's sober, he's gonna be great but if its in the 2000s he will be a bit iffy but he will still be a decent dad.

-once he is finally sober though he's gonna be great, and especially if you have been there for him through everything he's gonna be so in love with you and is gonna cherish your guys' little family

-hes gonna want 2 kids and will do so many fun things with them, if they want to go to a fair then he will win them a bunch of prizes.

-he just loves seeing their cute little faces light up.

Johnny Knoxville:

-he will love bringing the kids to the set just to show off his awesome kids and wife/girlfriend

-will definitely bring souvenirs home for you and the kids

-will get you to take pictures of him and the kids with the rest of the jackass crew and will put then into an album

-he will cook pancakes at 9am in the morning and will wear an apron that makes him look like a housewife.

-he will get the kids to help prank you, but hey all in good fun!!

Steve-O:

-not sure what to write for Steve-O but he will prob want 1 kid and would be the dad who has the cool music sessions with his kid in the car

-if your kid isn't sleeping he will drive them around in the car to get them to sleep.

-when he does crazy stunts and his kid asks about them he will tone it down and act like it wasn't crazy because he doesnt want the kid to worry about him

Chris Pontius:

-doesn't let the kids come to set all the time beacuse some acts have the cast be naked and he doesnt want the kids to see that at a young age.

-will probably want 2 kids

-overall a pretty good dad

-loves doing Halloween with them and dressing up

Ty for reading - i hope it was good and you guys liked it!! :)