#so like ...i had no doubts whatsoever but i was still v nervous like i was trembling a bit n my heart was beating so loud omg?

[suggable]

ok so....tmi...but I told my bf i loved him for the first time n everything went well n god i 😭😭😭

[mandoalorian]

Borrowed Time [Din Djarin x F!Reader] SMUT

ੈ♡˳‧₊*: • Chapter 8: The Truth ✩࿐ ˚.✧

Summary: You are the princess of Mandalore, held hostage on your own planet by Moff Gideon and his army of Imperial troopers. Left with no choice, you send out a distress signal; a plea for protection— and who comes? None other than Din Djarin, a foundling of The Death Watch. He, by creed, is your sworn enemy. And where you have asked for his protection, he has been told by his mentor that he must marry you and gain the ability to restore Mandalore to its former glory.

Word Count: 2200>

Warnings: more angst and feelings! 18+ SMUT; unprotected p in v (wrap it before you tap it), f receiving oral, fingering… very soft sex andddd a praise kink because it’s Din’s first time giving oral :’)

AN: Please reblog to spread this around! It’s not showing up in tags! i think i’m still semi-shadow banned:(

Series Masterlist

Din didn’t say anything for a long time. He didn’t understand. Not the Manda’lor? How could that be possible? If you weren’t the Manda’lor, then... who were you? As if you were reading his thoughts, you closed your eyes and turned around so you were facing the brick wall behind you, and tried your very best to explain the truth. You had to at least make an attempt. You ignored the choked nervous knot in your throat. You couldn’t bear to look at him.

How could you ever even begin to explain this to him. You’d never spoken about what happened back on Mandalore to anyone. You’d kept it to yourself all this time. It was so painful. But you had to try.

“My mother was Duchess Satine Kryze, and I am, by technicality, the Princess of Mandalore. I always will be. When my mother died, fifteen years ago, I became heir to the throne. I became the Manda’lor, and... everything was fine. I had everything under control, and, dare I say, I was a good leader. Until one night, there was a planned attack by the Imperials on my city and they slaughtered everyone. They raided homes and killed children…” a single tear slipped down your cheek. “Moff Gideon came to see me. He wanted… the darksaber. So he had his troopers raid the palace and they found it. And once he wielded it, he became the rightful ruler of Mandalore. And, I still don’t have it back… I’ve-- I’ve never felt so helpless. And responsible for the murder of my people.”

You were crushed. You thought by admitting all of this, it would take the giant burden you’d been holding this entire time off your shoulders, but it didn’t. It only made you dread all the built up pain and anguish you had in your heart… for letting this happen and for lying to Din. You really had failed everyone around you, but most importantly, you’d failed yourself.

Bringing your hand to your wedding ring, you twiddled it around your finger and took a shaky exhale. “Din, I understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore. I can leave, and you’ll never see me again. I promise you that much. But I will get the darksaber back and I will be the rightful ruler of Mandalore. These were my people he killed. He stole it from me. And I won’t let the Imperial’s take anymore than they already have. Not without a fight.”

Compiling all the remaining bravery left in you, you turned back around to face Din and opened your eyes.

And your heart stopped.

His eyes were big and brown and sad. He had short, shaggy brown hair and a light stubble which grazed his jaw. His pink lips were parted slightly as he looked at you with his own eyes. No visor modifying his vision of you. This was raw, and completely him. He’d taken off his helmet.

You tried to ask him why, but no words came out.

“So that’s why the Imperials were chasing after you?” His jaw ticked but Maker, his voice without the helmet was as soft as silk. Rich and velvety.

He was handsome too. More handsome than you could’ve ever even imagined. In a rugged way, not in your typical Prince of Mandalore way. But you liked it a lot.

“Yes,” you swallowed thickly. “Moff Gideon imprisoned me in the palace and he never wanted me to leave. He made me promise to never tell anyone that he had the darksaber, because no doubt, any Mandalorian who found out the truth would venture after him to try and reclaim it for themselves. I was forced to live this lie. But I had to do something. That’s when I sent out the distress signal to coverts around the galaxy. That’s when you came for me, and helped me escape.”

Din tried his hardest to process your words. It… made sense. His gaze fell from your face and he looked down at the ground. He looked so sad and your heart ached. If there was a way you could fix this, you were pretty sure you’d do anything. In that very moment, you didn’t even care about the Mandalorian throne or the darksaber. You just cared about Din.

“Din, I’m so sorry.” you began, preparing to fully beg for his forgiveness, but before you could say anymore, his lips came crashing into yours.

He didn’t have anything to say to you, really. He was just so enamoured by you, that he didn’t care. You could lie to him a million times over and he’d forgive you, because you were just too perfect. You were, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. And he loved you.

He should be mad, he knew that much. But he couldn’t bring himself to hate you when all he could think about was just how beautiful your lips were. The entire time you were talking, he was fighting the urge to kiss you. Until finally, he just couldn’t resist anymore.

His mouth was soft and fit perfectly against yours. Your eyes snapped shut and a surprised moan fell from your lips as he took you in his arms and held you. You loved the way it felt… his hands on your body and caressing your skin. Was this… the first time he’d kissed? He was so passionate yet gentle, and Maker, you didn’t want it to end. He was absolutely gorgeous, and such an amazing kisser. When you thought he was going to break away, you raised your hands to his face and cupped his cheeks, swiping your tongue over his lower lip and signalling for him to continue the kiss. He did so, and you opened your mouth, granting him deeper access.

A minute or so later, when the both of you were practically gasping for breath, he pulled off you and rested his forehead against yours. If he was unsure about his feelings before, he knew for certain now.

“We’ll have to leave at dawn,” Din said eventually, huffing and looking into your eyes. His hands were still planted firmly on your hips and he nudged his nose against yours. “There’ll be less Imps around, the earlier we leave.”

You were baffled. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“We’re getting the darksaber back,” he confirmed. “You’re getting the darksaber back. You are the rightful ruler of Mandalore.”

You couldn’t believe it. He still wanted to help you, even after admitting to him that you’d been lying. He no longer had a duty to protect you, and yet he was doing this not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

“Are you sure?” you gasped, completely exasperated. “Are you sure you still want to help me?”

Din nodded his head wordlessly before kissing you again. “We should rest before our escape tomorrow,” Din breathed. “I have a room here.”

“Take me.” you begged, curling your body into his.

Din’s room at the covert was no different to the many other rooms that were habited by other Mandalorians. It was a small boxy room with a bed in the corner. At least it was a real bed though, and not Din’s poor excuse for a bed back on the Crest. He closed the door behind him and turned on the light, although it wasn’t bright whatsoever. It barely illuminated the room in this dull, amber colour, but it was just enough to cast your shadows on the wall.

You gulped, not tearing your eyes from him once. “I think you’re very handsome,” you blurted out, smiling when you noticed a rosy blush cross Din’s cheeks. “And I think it’s a real shame that you have to hide your face. I just know that those brown eyes could charm you out of trouble.”

Din chuckled nervously. “I think you’re very pretty too,” he said. “But you probably hear that a lot.”

You shook your head, the smile never leaving your lips once. “No.”

When Din kissed you, it felt like heaven. As the moment became more and more heated, both of you ended up undressing, and discarding your clothing and his armour into a pile on the floor.

Din carefully laid you down on his bed and hovered over you, planting kisses down your neck, along your collarbones and down your chest. He brought his hand over to your breasts and began with giving them a few experimental squeezes. He brushed his thumb over your hardening nipple and pinched it, earning a moan of pleasure from you.

Not taking his lips from yours, he dropped his hand down your body and to the hem of your panties, dipping his finger under the waistband and feeling just how wet you’d already become. He chuckled to himself, his thick and deft index finger tracing quick and tight circles across your clit. You arched your back into him, a foggy haze crossing your vision as he worked you into a complete state of euphoria.

You chanted his name like it was a prayer, caressing his biceps and holding onto him. After he drew out your first orgasm, he tapped on your thigh. You lifted up your ass so he could pull down your panties and take them off completely. You were an absolute sight to behold, there was no denying that. Your folds were slick with your arousal and Din done everything he could to contain himself. Licking his lips, he knelt down between your legs and began to lap his tongue around your bundle of nerves, even sucking occasionally on your sweet spot.

“Does-- does that feel good?” Din asked, briefly pausing just before you were about to cum again. Your legs were shaking with pleasure and Din just wanted to make sure you were alright. “I’m-- I’ve never done this before.” he confessed.

“Oral?” you asked breathlessly, rolling your head into the pillow.

“Mhm,” he confirmed, nibbling and pressing lovebites into the soft flesh of your thighs. “Never took off my helmet.”

You moaned something incoherent when the curve of his nose rubbed against your clit and you felt the warmth of his breath fan over your core.

“It’s good Din, so good,” you sighed longingly. “You’re doing so good. Please don’t stop.”

So Din kept at it until eventually you were a heaving, quivering mess, and he drove out your second orgasm. When he pulled away from you, a trail of his saliva pulled between your wet cunt and his lips, but he immediately licked himself clean and leaned over your body so he could kiss you again. The way you could taste yourself on his mouth felt so erotic.

You pulled his hard and leaking cock from the confines of his underwear and began to pump at his length. He was hot and heavy, and somehow, he was even better than you had imagined. Even as you stroked him, you yearned for him, and you could feel your cunt clench around nothing as you wished for him to fuck you already.

Din loved how you were a needy, squirming mess beneath him. He positioned himself at your entrance and slowly pushed his engorged tip inside of you, taking a few moments to allow you to adjust to his length. The wet noises as he thrusted into you were lewd and obscenely loud, and if you were with anyone else you might’ve felt embarrassed -- but as Din built up his rhythm and held on to your hips, you couldn’t even think straight enough to feel embarrassed.

“Din,” you cried out, letting your fingers curl in his brown locks of hair. “Oh Din.”

His own hips began to stutter and with a loud gasp, you felt his cock convulse inside of you and a spurt of his creamy hot seed rope your walls.

Din let himself soften inside of you as he caught his breath, eventually rolling off you and laying by your side. He wrapped his arms around you and spooned you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear until eventually, you fell asleep in his arms.

“You will reclaim Mandalore,” he whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. “I promise.”

_________________________________________

Borrowed Time taglist in the replies!

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[himbowelsh]

hii !! i was wondering if you were still doing the valentines day headcanon’s thing cus i’d love to see a babe heffron one 🥺💖 if you aren’t its alright !! i hope you’re having a great day

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He’s so casual with it, to the point of being downright thoughtless. Babe hands out his affection in bright grins, loud laughter, soaking up personal space...  but he’s also a very intent, reactive listener. He’s excellent at engaging people. When Babe approves of someone, he doesn’t keep it to himself; his affection is vocal, physical, and uninhibited.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He doesn’t know the first thing about flowers, but will fumble his way through a florist’s shop for a good cause. Should he be allowed to is the real question  ---  Babe trying to grow things is downright hazardous.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s literally summoned by the word ‘chocolate’. Get one syllable out, and he’s there. Babe doesn’t have a favorite, he doesn’t need a favorite, he’s just a chocolate fiend.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Is it cliche to say bowling? Because lowkey...  Babe’s a really, really great bowler. He shouldn’t be as good as he is. He doesn’t even like bowling that much, it’s just a talent, okay? And he does like showing off. Aside from that...  he’d love to go out dancing. Babe’s also a great dancer (notice he wants to impress his partner so bad that he’s only choosing things he’s good at) and will throw down any time, any day.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

An impulsive hugger, usually without warning, and absolutely not shy about it. Tight, enthusiastic embraces, with a bit more squeezing than necessary. Sometimes gets really into cuddling, if someone’s offering it up.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

He...  doesn’t flirt, to be honest. Doesn’t know how. Doesn’t realize when people are doing it to him. He’s just Babe, loud and enthusiastic and kind of goofy, with a definite charm to him; that seems to draw people in. Babe has the most success winning a date when he doesn’t try.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He gives weird-ass gifts, man. Things people would never need, and certainly don’t want. He bought Spina a whole keyboard once  ---  do you think Spina knows how to play the goddamn keyboard? He bought Bill Guarnere a Starbucks gift card. Babe always tries to get good gifts, but then he spots something and immediately settles upon it being the perfect gift; from then on, nothing can talk him out of it.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Very quick, and not usually that cautious about it. Babe’s impulsive, and doesn’t always think things through when it comes to how things can go wrong. He trusts his instincts...  and if his instincts tell him to love someone, he’s got no choice. Acquires crushes very easily, and they tend to stick.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Super easy? Why shouldn’t it be easy? It’s the truth, right? (He’s so casual about it, literally does not overthink it whatsoever  ---  throws out “I love you”s on any occasion, at any time, including while he’s on the toilet or just managed to burn dinner.)

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Again, Babe and jealousy just really don’t tango. He’s not a suspicious person. He doesn’t...  notice things. Doesn’t notice flirting when he’s being flirted with, and doesn’t notice it when his partner’s on the recieving end. He just assumes everyone is being friendly until proven otherwise, and it’s a dangerous habit.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Needs to slow down. He gets very into it very quickly  —  and the more enthusiastic Babe gets, the clumsier he gets. He’s an adventurous kisser, eager to explore so long as his partner will let him; better with his tongue than you’d expect; has a tendency to laugh into his kisses, which almost ruins the mood, but he manages to salvage it with a well-placed kiss behind the ear or on the temple. Has exactly no finesse, but a lot of enthusiasm. Babe’s big thing is touch, so he has to have his hands on his partner  —   preferably braced against their chest, squeezing lightly, as a way to keep himself focused while he works.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Oh god, where to begin? He loves his Ma and Pop to hell and back, adores his brothers and sister, loves all his extended family (and there are a lot of Heffrons), would throw down for any of his friends, is close with plenty of coworkers...  Babe lets people in easily, and ends up loving more than he ought to.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Eughh. Very much not a morning person, and would never subject a partner to romance before 10am.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He gets so excited that he literally ends up falling over himself; has had a few near-death experiences, where his partner has pressed forwards while kissing him and he’s just...  tumbled the hell over. Onto the floor. But Babe’s versatile (not to mention flexible)  and can have sex anywhere if the situation calls for it. Extremely adventurous  ---  not just location-wise, but up to try most positions and most kinks, if given the right amount of persuasion. Aside from the clumsiness, Babe has an innate rhythm instead, lots of stamina, and is able to match his partner’s pace. he gets overstimulated easily, and runs out of breath if they push him too hard  ---  but the bright red flush to his face isn’t a sign of an impending stroke, it means he’s loving it. Babe’s also vocal; he can’t help it, rambling about how amazing his partner is and moaning in between each thrust is just how he keeps himself anchored a little bit, otherwise his brain would steam right out his ears.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

He’s no poet, that’s for sure. Babe sometimes gets ahead of himself and stumbles over his words, especially when he’s excited  ---   but just get him pissed off. You’ve never heard someone tell another person of in such a crisp, clear, cutting tone.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Babe wants someone he can have fun with. Somebody who appreciates his sense of humor, even if they don’t always respond in kind. Someone...  with a lot of love to give. Genuinely, he’s not picky. Babe could do well in a relationship with pretty much anyone, but he prefers someone who values honesty; he’d thrive with a grounding force to his sometimes-frenetic energy, but overall, Babe just needs someone he can play off of.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’ll be nervous as hell in the lead-up, and the ring will be burning a hole in his pocket, but he’ll ask. He’ll try, at least. This is Babe, walking human disaster on a good day. Trust him to drop the ring in a storm gutter as soon as he gets on one knee, then get his arm stuck trying to reach for it. The firefighters who come to pry him out have to propose for him.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He could try to be cynical and still wouldn’t manage it. Babe’s a romantic to his core... and even if it doesn’t always come out in conventional ways (like clearing the potato chip crumbs off the couch before his partner sits, or leaving a trail of quarters on the floor to their bedroom)  he's always got a knack for making things special.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Yeah. Mary Anna Giarratano. Her parents barely spoke English, the entire family had less than twenty bucks to their name, and Dolores was the hardest soccer ball kicker on the whole playground. In one afternoon, she sent a ball flying so far it landed in a tree and punched Jimmy Doherty for making fun of Babe’s haircut. Babe fell in love. (Dolores didn’t want the first thing to do with him, but the infatuation lasted for a year or two.)

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

It’s not something he’s thought a lot about, but he’s never doubted it. Of course true love exists. Some people stay together and happy for their whole lives. If that ain’t true love, what is?  (At the moment, he’s unwilling to admit to himself how much he wants that kind of love.)

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

...  romantically? Nah, he’s still unbroken. Let’s just say he wasn’t sobbing over Darlin’ Doris.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

...  it’s expensive. Like, why are chocolate boxes so expensive? Why do restaurants literally expect you to pay more on Valentine’s day, just for the same food you’d always get? And why the hell does jewelry cost so much? Babe doesn’t mind Valentine’s day, but hates how commercialized (read: pricey) it is. His ideal V-Day is doing something intimate but totally free. He... can think of a few ideas.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

He’s very daunted by the idea at first, because he just...  doesn’t feel old enough to get married? Doesn’t feel ready? I could see Babe waiting a good few years to get married, and even then, he’d have to be in a long-term relationship for a while. He’s not afraid of spending the rest of his life with the person he loves  ---  it’s just the concept of marriage itself, how serious people take it, that intimidates him. (He’s of the mindset that two people truly in love shouldn’t have to put a legal ring on it, but...  hey, he’ll still do it, just to make his partner  (and Ma) happy.)

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Not that often. He tends to just go with straight names or surnames  ---  he’s not a big nicknamer out loud, but will sometimes give someone a name in his head that sticks, especially if he doesn’t catch their name the first time. 

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Definitely. Sometimes he’s too quick to jump at the gun  ---  hey, he sees somebody stepping in on someone he loves, he’s not gonna stop to ask questions, and it’s gotten him in trouble a few times  ---  but his heart’s in the right place. Babe is a fierce defender of his loved ones, and he can give as good with his mouth as he can with his fists.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

...  okay, listen.  It’s something he’s genuinely defensive of, because it ain’t like he’s a virgin, okay? He’s...  slept with people. Once or twice. He’s doing fine. Babe’s problem isn’t sleeping with people, but keeping them afterwards...  which is really what he prefers. He’s not a hook-up guy, but up to this point, he’s never really been a steady relationship guy either. He wants to, and he tries, just hasn’t managed it yet. So...  he’s slept with 2 - 3 people, max. If asked, he’ll talk himself up and claim it’s more. Only Bill knows the truth.

[coloursofaparadox]

hey this is a real fuckin good video and i was surprised at how much i related to it the other way around. like. an INSANE amount. more shit under the cut bc makeup and gender are two things I always love talking about

i used to do like. FULL makeup. almost every day once i knew how to. especially since i worked full time w lots of people. including contour. because i felt like VIOLENTLY uncomfortable most of the time w my face shape if i didnt. and honestly the biggest thing i did w makeup everyday was contour? and let me fucking tell u its not an easy halfassed ‘throw on some blush and go’ thing contour is actually difficult and time consuming and takes effort and skill and my fucking god is it exhausting to feel like your choice is to contour or to go outside without it and look like a cis female. the list of things of i used to contour is like nearly everything like in order from most important to least: jawline (HUGE amount), cheekbones, brow, nose, and sometimes forehead. and im so fuckin glad t does as much as it does for face shape. so glad. its not even something i knew i wanted because id convinced myself i could do it all with makeup so it was fine. and like. to an extent thats okay? but same as how she talks about in the video i linked its absolutely exhausting to have to do that just to make your face look like it should every day. and thats not a vanity thing!! theres some shit i do for vanity like eye makeup? and colourful things? but the majority of stuff i used makeup for was for trying to contour my face to relieve dysphoria. and. for someone who honestly? has historically loved the beauty in looking natural as much as possible for so long (no bashing to makeup i fuckin love makeup for self expression and colour) it was. something to adjust to. my investment in makeup over time was an almost direct correlation with my awareness of dysphoria. 

and now that ive been on t for over a year? its still slow going bc i was on a very low dose for a while by choice but its been long enough that without me really noticing until i look back and compare, my face looks so different. so much better. still me, obviously, but the me i was constantly trying to recreate by force with makeup before. and now i dont have to. the only thing i still do noticeably to make myself look more masc is my eyebrows? i always notice that i look significantly more masc if i fill in/darken my eyebrows but thats also something i just do anyways by choice bc i fucking L O V E it so who knows.

the one struggle im still having is tbfh i would prefer to...not wear full coverage foundation/skin coverage. like. if i had the choice i would almost always choose natural skin. it feels so much better to me. but. with testosterone for a lot of people comes skin problems. and im getting them under control very slowly but there is a big big difference between ‘a little and manageable amount of acne’ and ‘no acne’ so. im still wearing foundation. every day. but. ive been making efforts to go for a ‘less is more’ approach. so i only do just enough concealer and foundation on the bits that i need it. which is usually just around my chin and mouth area now? and minor enough that i dont even need that much. and am finding ways to use even less as my skin gets better and better. and on rare days when my skin is behaving and i can wear next to nothing it is s o  g o o d. im looking forward to when i can do that more often.

so. ye. idk. point of this is that i relate a lot more than i thought to that video even tho i didnt get surgery? bc quite often t does a lot more for ur face shape than e does i believe post puberty. since ive been in so much less constant discord with how i look ive been doing such more natural and minor makeup than before and feeling so so much less stressed and anxious about it. and its not something i even fully thought about till now but i am incredibly grateful now that i have. like. fuck. the amount of anxiety it used to cause me compounded by the amount of time and effort it took to feel just comfortable enough in my own skin to leave the house was. insane. and i almost dont have that any more. at all. its fuckin amazing and is something i wish everyone can have bc jesus. at my 1 year hrt appointment (im usually pretty nervous and reserved?) my doctor asked me if T had improved my quality of life and almost before he was done asking I said yes. 100 percent. there is no doubt whatsoever. fuck. god.

anyways. thats. a rant. if u also have the same v niche interests that i do it might be interesting. cool bye.

[moreracquetball]

Youtuber AU Headcanons

(Lowkey inspired by a post by @whizzerbrowne who brought the idea to my attention and it has since dominated my brain). Let’s just get started:

(This got way too long, yikes. I had to include a read more line)

~ Three Youtubers: Jason, Cordelia, and Whizzer.

Jason

Type: He’s one of those younger, newer youtubers. He started when he was nine, and he talked frankly about stuff like divorce (bc his parents were going through a divorce at the time) and being an introvert and being autistic and being Jewish and dealing with a difficult relationship with his parents. He has trouble really talking to people so it was like really easy to just sit in front of a camera and start talking at them. Side note: this was totally Mendel’s idea as a therapy exercise that actually worked, okay? And (as we’ve seen in the musical), Jason has this raw honesty and wit to him that is very funny and real to watch. As he’s gotten older, he’s started talking about other things - like not such heavy topics. He talks about the things that he’s hyperfixated on (baseball, chess, the emoji movie, etc), and though his content is pretty erratic and all over the place, people just love his commentary and he’s amassed millions of followers in just a few years??

He also vlogs /a lot/, which is how his audience got to know Trina, Mendel, and Marvin.

Trina - Everyone literally adores her. She is v nervous and awkward in her cameos in Jason’s videos, but she is also very honest and vocal about her opinions and calls herself the Cool Mom even though Jason’s like “Mom, you don’t let me stay up past ten even when it’s not a school night” and Trina’s just “A Cool Mom can’t still care about your healthy and well-being??”

Mendel - As a one-off, Jason asked his followers to submit questions to Mendel the Psychiatrist for a collab idea with his stepdad, and his pieces of advice were kinda off the wall and funny and it quickly became a series and one of Jason’s most popular series ever. Some people are convinced Mendel is just playing a character so Jason has to be like “no he is actually like this. You have to believe me.” Also: Mendel gets a snapchat that everyone follows. He uploads grainy pictures of like trees and makes puns and constantly spams his story with pictures of Trina with captions like “look at how pretty she is” and “how did i get so lucky” and “rare photo of an actual goddess.” 

Marvin - Tbh, the audience’s reaction to Marvin is a little more mixed, esp at first. Jason had talked a lot about his difficult relationship with Marvin and his “Draw My Life” video did stir up some contempt for Marvin’s selfishness. But like, over the years and through small snippets of cameos, it is generally believed that Marvin has changed and grown up a lot and is like an amazing (but dorky) dad. His cameos in Jason’s videos are the best bc it shows how eerily alike those two are and at one point Marvin briefly talks about internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity and hints at the stuff that he is’t proud of, and everyone - no matter their outward opinion of him - has like a little crush on him. Also, the videos with Marvin and Mendel both?? Their petty arguing gets like millions of hits every time.

Jason also totally does all the trend/tag videos but also has like that sarcastic, almost ironic vibe at first but he ends up really sincerely liking it. 

Jason also does like monologues of his thoughts and opinions while also doing mini skits in between and he is iconic and a jack of all trades really.

He is very articulate and seems so mature but like any hate whatsoever does get to him a lot. He’s learned how to deal with his self-doubt and ignoring the trolls better than he had when he first started, but every once in awhile it still gets to him.

Also??? Remember that Roast Yourself Challenge trend??? Jason did that, and it was on the top page for like a solid week. He went too hard and too real.

Cordelia

Type: Totally like Hannah Hart’s Drunk Kitchen, are you even kidding me?? That it totally Cordelia. She drinks and talks about current events and makes really bad food puns and it is Everything. She also branches out after awhile and starts doing like satirical how-to videos. Lowkey once she tried to make a wry, parody version of a beauty vlogger how-to and she ended up having so much fun with it and her after make-up looked ballin, so she starts doing make-up tutorials, too.

She’s also very very proudly gay and out. Like, her username is literally lesbiancaterer. But she still gets like comments on her videos saying “are you straight?” or “her boyfriend must be a lucky guy” and it just makes her go “????? How could I ever make this clearer?” (once, in a collab with Marvin, one comment said “ahh, her and her bf are such #relationship goals” which then launched a very satirical, very deadpan boyfriend tag video with her and Marvin that made it abundantly clear just how fucking gay those two are).

Charotte first got introduced very very early in her videos bc once during a drunk kitchen, Cordelia cut her finger with a knife and called for her girlfriend and Charlotte went into complete Doctor Mode and started treating her immediately. Cordelia is a little tipsy at that point and starts blatantly flirting with her and calling her “my doctor” and that video’s comment section is just keysmashing and the phrase “my doctor.”

Cordelia does not try to hide her relationship in any way. She and Charlotte have done all those cute couples tags and Charlotte is the star of Cordelia’s social media and vlogs. Now they are #relationship goals.

Cordelia actually got into Youtube bc of Jason and everyone was like lowkey shocked when it turned out that these two popular but different youtubers knew each other and cameo in one another’s videos a lot and Cordelia is like “he is literally my godson, guys. Ofc I’m gonna be around him and support him.”

Whizzer

Type: Ohhh boy!! Whizzer is def the kind of youtuber that has been around on the platform since circa 2007 - are you even gonna try to fight me on that??? He is a fashion channel (also has like a series of the youtube version of fashion police) but also like a major storytime channel bc he’s been around and tells the craziest but realest stories of all time. He is also quickly considered The Gay Icon^tm of Youtube.

He is definitely one of the biggest youtubers on the platform but he also lowkey feels too old to still be on here and has that like Shane Dawson kinda feel of like keeping it real about youtube drama and rebranding himself and learning from stupid old videos when he was still like a shit 20-something that was lowkey problematic. 

He stans so hard for Britney Spears and Carly Rae Jepsen and he got Carly in one of his collabs and he could not stop smiling and fangirling and he is literally all of us.

He is very, very vocal and honest about his sexuality and sexual history. He has a lot of Body and Sex Positivity videos and speaks very bluntly about the importance of self-esteem and body image and safe sex.

(One of his most popular videos is the one with him candidly speaking about having HIV and he talks about his mistake with unsafe sex and all the terrible stigmas around the topic. He talks about how it’s both a physical and emotional struggle, and he also talks about treatment and awareness and prevention and seeking emotional help to combat depression).

He arranges a collab with Jason bc they are alike in that they always speak candidly about issues and struggles and have like the exact same sense of dry, almost scathing humor. Whizzer meets Marvin bc Marvin is like “Jason, there is no way you’re meeting a strange man who you met over the internet. I am definitely going to be the one that goes with you.”

(Awkward moment when Marvin and Jason get to Whizzer’s apartment, and Marvin and Whizzer’s profiles light up with one another from one of those websites like Grindr). Whizzer has like lowkey commented on Jason’s videos before with lewd comments about his hot dad, but like this is so not what Whizzer had been expecting?? Yeah, at the end of Whizzer and Jason’s collab video, Whizzer puts like a small blooper reel and it’s him continually flirting with Jason’s dad (who’s behind the camera) and the Internet suddenly has a new fave ship.

(Marvin and Whizzer totally messaged each other and hooked up like the next day).

But like, they keep the budding relationship very underwraps bc they both really don’t want it to affect Jason’s channel and neither really think at first that their whole arrangement will go anywhere close to serious because Whizzer has never been in love or had a steady boyfriend and Marvin cannot hold a relationship either even after his divorce.

But of course they fall in love, and of course the internet knows something’s up. Whizzer keeps vaguing on Twitter about the new man in his life with weird tweets like “I can’t believe I’m deliberately sleeping with a man who UNIRONICALLY knows every word to Allstar” and “get you a man who always sends that courtesy ‘thank you.’ text after you send him a dick pic.” And when Whizzer vlogs, he always makes sure to keep the camera trained on himself but you can see that his eyes are always looking away as he’s like smiling at someone who does not want to be on camera. Also, Jason’s weekend vlogs have cameos of Whizzer in them now.

They mess up when in one of aforementioned Jason’s vlogs, there’s a grainy clip of Marvin and Whizzer in the background and Marvin kisses Whizzer’s cheek. The internet loses their minds

(After nine/ten months of dating, Whizzer and Marvin abruptly break up and neither really acknowledges it. However, weeks after their break up, Whizzer decides to make a story-time video about this fucking asshole boyfriend that broke up with him over a chess game. He wanted it to be like both petty but also very funny because that is such a ridiculous story, but like when he’s editing it, he notices himself being like on the verge of tears in some parts and being overly bitter and tense, and he never uploads it and he realizes that he isn’t over Marvin like he had said he was).

(However, Whizzer does end up making a story-time video later about how Jason’s baseball game brought him and Marvin back together).

After they get back together, they’ve worked out their issues and are couples goals now and they do not hide their relationship and Marvin makes cameos in both Whizzer and Jason’s videos/younows and it is incredible.

Through Jason and Marvin, Whizzer and Cordelia meet and they become best friends. They collab all the time and they complain about queer struggles and they talk about their relationships and get drunk on camera and be weird, loud idiots and those videos get tons of views.

And Whizzer gets candid about how he’s always felt like alone in the world and hasn’t really had the opportunity to rely on anyone but himself but through Jason and Marvin, he meets Cordelia and Charlotte and Mendel and Trina, and even though they might not get along all the time and some people are closer to other people, they’re all his family and he never thought that he’d really have one that close before. It’s one of his most vulnerable videos.

The most successful videos on all three’s channels are the collabs of the three of them together: Jason and Cordelia and Whizzer. And they become like one of those Youtube cliques that collab all the time and tweet about each other’s videos constantly and always hang out with one another at all the events like Vidcon and Playlist Live. 

[saintkimora]

here is how my last date went w joel (once again i have mixed feelings about it) plus how things are going now

so i saw him the other night. i got there and it was him marissa and lindsey as usual but they also had their friends moshe and adiena there. so that was kinda awkward (for me at least). they were all just sitting around talking and moshe and joel were playing mario kart on the switch and then joel made everyone watch like category is, read u wrote u, the s8 and 9 finale lip syncs, and the alyssa edwards drop dead gorgeous mix. it was kinda awkward bc the others werent really into it after the first 2 videos (except marissa legend) so i was getting secondhand embarrassment but it was still fun i guess since i got to sit next to my man

BUT then things took a turn for the worst bc joel made some attempt to include me in the group conversation. i got so sweaty instantly and i was wearing a tank so i was like fuck! nothing to cover it up. so yeah eventually moshe and adiena left and it was just us the 4 sisters again

marissa started vacuuming and lindsey was showing us some books she has. then they both went to their rooms and it was just me and joel. he said chris was still in his room playing tekken 7 on his ps4 and he didnt wanna kick him out yet so we stayed in the living room and he made me watch the great british bake off with him and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring omg like this is what yall call a competition? it was not intense at ALL literally flop shows only

then eventually we went into his room and he kicked chris out (after playing one round w him) so it was just us. this is where the date got enjoyable

one of the things he did was he started talking to me about his opinions on like race and stuff currently in america. and his opinions were all p good except for a few so that was fine. it was nice i guess to have like a serious convo w him i guess

THEN he referenced something from his childhood and i didnt know what it was obv so he was like “ive never told you the story of my childhood??” so he told me and oh my gosh it was so SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD omg im not gonna put all his business on here but it was such a sad story and i felt so bad for him and i wished i met him years ago so i couldve been there for him through all of it. but yeah it was v unfortunate i was like shocked like he seriously could not catch a break and he explained to me how the things from back then affect him to this day w like his anxiety for example and yeah. like obv i wasnt happy to hear about all those sad things but i was happy that he told me bc it made me feel closer to him

now for the part i DIDNT like. so at one point he somehow tried to talk to me about what celebrities and porn stars we think are hot. i did not want to have this conversation bc it feels pointless for me bc i dont keep up w celebrities and plus like the guy im with is always the #1 hottest guy for me so i dont feel the need to lust after celebs and porn stars. but whatever he was insistent on talking about this so we did. and the part that made me feel :/ was that none of the guys looked like me. like literally all the celebrities and porn stars he listed literally looked NOTHING like me whatsoever. like i didnt have a SINGLE thing in common w any of these guys. so to hear him going on and on about how hot these guys are and how they could have him any day and stuff was just kinda deflating to me bc they were all like the complete opposite of me in terms of looks. like they were all super buff daddy types and i have like 0 muscles and i dont really have strong chiseled features either. like i know im prob being oversensitive/too competitive but idk it just made me uncomfortable

and then when i told him all my faves it was different bc he did have a lot in common w all the guys i mentioned. he was like “im noticing a pattern here” and hes right, like if i did have a “”type” he would probably be it. i personally dont like talking about hot guys w any guy im currently with bc for me its like if the guy im with is all heart eyes emoji about another guys looks then obv im gonna look at this guy and compare myself to him which is not something i want to do since most of the time the other guys have me beat. so i dont bring up guys i find hot for the same reason bc i wouldnt want the guy im with to feel insecure or inadequate or contribute to a negative body image or something. i know not all people think like this and lots of people are perfectly fine w admiring other guys w their s/o but for me its just not something i like to do

so that was the worst part. it made me feel kinda empty the next day (in the moment it wasnt as bad, it was uncomfortable but it wasnt until later that i realized that i really did not look like these guys at all). actually i think this convo happened before the childhood convo. but anyways after all those convos that is when we fooled around

so this time it was fun! first he had me teasing his hole w my dick. its mildy pleasant to me but he like loves it lol. then he did the same to me but his dick was like lubed up from when i was jerking him off beforehand and it really felt like his dick was THIS close to slipping into my hole omg i was nervous i was like if he moves his hips slightly too much im literally gonna lose my virginity LMAO but it was still fun! he ended up cumming on my hole which i honestly didnt mind bc it was easier to clean since its less surface area than say my stomach or something

then i jerked myself off while he kissed me and played w my nipples and stuff since thats still my preferred way to cum. it was nice and then we showered together afterwards. and i forgot to mention it but a few dates ago we showered together for the first time which was super fun!! that time i sucked/jerked him off in the shower until he came. this time we had already cum so we just cleaned ourselves 

then we went to sleep. we woke up and got ready and i got to see him eat breakfast! he had cereal and he looked soooooooo cute omg and then we left his apartment together, then parted ways bc i had to go to my car and he was going to the bus stop down the street. he left bc he is visiting his family back home bc he needs to get some documents to do something for fafsa and he wont be back until wednesday. and i leave on thursday so rip we just have one more chance to see each other 

so that was that! also on the date before that we played this really fun game together called lovers in a dangerous spacetime and i had so much fun! omg we were such gaymers

so yeah thats it! one more date before we have to be apart for a month. im really sad about it actually like ive been getting really emotional over it. like im gonna miss him but also hes kinda going through a difficult time in his life right now and it makes me feel really bad that i wont be able to be there for him in person when he needs me. and ofc im still worried he might meet someone else, like a month is a long time so its v possible for him to forget/lose interest and try to find a new man instead. and these gay apps are location based obv so he could be reinstalling grindr or something and i would have no idea since im so many miles away!!! i doubt he would but again i didnt think caleb would do that either and i was wrong on that so im not trusting my own judgment anymore

im gonna try to enjoy greece but im gonna miss him a LOT and i just hope hes able to hold himself together while im gone since i wont be here to comfort him since im gonna be on another continent. if he does meet someone else im gonna be really sad about it but i am gonna try to be optimistic about it and ill still be able to text him like every day so its gonna suck but it could be worse i guess

[shockcity]

DD #10 - hearts and other stolen things

Rating: M

Summary: AU - Matthew Murdock is a self-serving criminal with no time for love. But this Foggy fellow sure is persistent….

Category: M/M

Pairing: Foggy Nelson/Matt Murdock

Warnings: Deadpool

Note: I actually don’t often ship Foggy/Matt, as my OTP is Fratt, but I have a thing for cuddly dom!Foggy, so there’s that.

Oooh. Poetry.

__________________________

Deadpool had about five minutes before Matt packed up his shit and went home. It was starting to snow; his senses didn’t work so well in this weather, his fingers were frozen, and his socks were wet.

His socks were wet.

“Honey! I’m home!” Wade called, finally clambering onto Matt’s roof. “~I can’t feel my face! Baby it’s cold outside. Let’s go back to your place…sooo we can fuuuuck~”

“That’s not how the song goes,” Matt said, irritated. “I’ve been here for an hour. We said one, Wade.”

“Nuh-uh. Three! I’m totally early.”

He was not early. He was dumb, and Matt was cold and his socks were wet.

“Can we please just get this over with?” he snapped. “Your being here at all is a professional courtesy. Your man is there,” Matt pointed to the fourth floor. “My diamond is there.” He pointed to the fifth. “Got it?”

“Capisce compadre.” Wade saluted, but didn’t move from the roof. “I’m just curious though, what do you need a three million dollar diamond for?”

More socks, Matt thought, these are wet.

“I’m starting a charity for disadvantaged blind orphans with abandonment issues,” he confessed. “Then I’m giving the rest to the church.”

Deadpool laughed. “Sure. I should have asked, ‘hmm, how many pairs of silk sheets can you get with three mill?’”

Perching on the edge of the building, Matt tested the cable before buckling himself in.  

“So many,” he answered, and then slid down onto the roof of the bank.

“Nice ass!” Wade yelled after him.

_________________________

Daredevil strikes again! Georgian Diamond stolen from Max Security Vault! said the Bulletin headline.

“DD strikes back. DD, a new hope. Return of the DD. The Phantom D–”

Matt hung up on him.

A few seconds later, Wade called back. “Is this Ghengis Connie’s? How is your dim sum on a scale of one to ten?”

Matt hung up.

“Idiot, Idiot, Idiot,” said Matt’s phone.

He did not answer; instead, he drank his very good organic coffee and wiggled his vicuna wool covered toes with quiet satisfaction.

“Idiot using Weasel’s phone, Idiot using Weasel’s phone, idiot using Weasel’s phone.”

Matt sighed.

“Unknown number, probably Wade, unknown number, probably Wade – I don’t know why I get up in the morning,” he said when he finally answered. “Stop calling me. And stop calling me Daredevil.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal. But I’ll never lose your number, Rikki. What are you wearing?”

Matt hung up.

_________________________

They met on a heist.

Both people. Both times.

Matt would never ever admit to why he tolerated Deadpool’s crap, and he and Foggy were still really new, but Matt could reasonably say that two of the most prevalent people in his life were introduced to him while shit went down. Attachments were often made in times of strife, after all.

One introduction occurred during a high stakes B&E at S.H.I.E.L.D. Accounting HQ (don’t ask), and the other was at the law offices of Hogarth, Chao, and Benowitz. Matt was stealing sensitive paperwork both times.

Deadpool was attempting to reconfigure someone’s face while arguing about the merits of fish tacos v carne asada (Matt has never asked for an explanation, because Matt gives a fuck only sometimes and this was not one of those times), and the whole one-sided debate/torture session was being held right on top of the file cabinet that Matt needed to break into.

It was very inconvenient.

Punches were thrown, acrobatics done, and some of Deadpool’s limbs were lost. Even though Matt left him doing a black knight “just a flesh wound” impression, Deadpool decided to seek out Matt later anyway. Apparently they were now “best friends for freaking ever and ever,” and “they still make those halfsy heart necklaces, I’ll get us one, omg!!1!”

There was over a year of suffering Wade’s…Wadeness, before the second most important person in Matt’s life walked in on him shuffling through Jeryn Hogarth’s personal file cabinet at 3 am.

Seriously with the file cabinets.

“Um, are you… stealing…stuff?” said Foggy, and then he took a deep breath. “Do you need legal representation?”

Matt considered this. “Probably,” he decided. “But that depends on my getting caught.”

Foggy nodded sagely. “True that,” he said. “I doubt I could out-ninja you, if you are, in fact, the dude I think you are…so, I’ll go call the cops and you can just skedaddle while I hope for the sake of my career that you’ve not taken anything too important.”

“Hogarth has evidence that one of your clients is guilty of embezzlement. This is that evidence,” Matt told him, waving the folder around. “So no, your ass isn’t on the line.” He thought for a moment. “Unless I decide to get rid of the witness.”

“Sure ok,” Foggy scoffed, taking out his phone and thumbing through it. He punched in 911 (presumably) and held it up for Matt to see (which he couldn’t). “Calling them now, so…catch you on the flipside.”

Matt made it four blocks away by the time the cops caught up, and by then he had replaced thoughts of the heist with thoughts of Foggy. Matt was fascinated, and oddly charmed by this man, and some part of his brain must have come loose or there was a gas leak in his apartment or something, because he found himself calling Wade to talk about it.

“He sounds amazing,” Wade said, groaning into the phone. “Is he hot? Are you gonna hook up? I think I’m jealous.”

“I don’t know what he looks like because I can’t see,” Matt reminded him politely, and Wade groaned again. “But he smells nice.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

“I can’t see him at all, because I’m blind.”

Wade hung up on him.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot,” Matt’s phone announced thirty seconds later.

“Just promise me one thing,” announced Wade, sounding melancholy. “Bros before hoes, Matty. Bros. Before. Hoes.”

Matt promised reluctantly, even though he had no intention whatsoever of ever crossing paths with Foggy again.

But fate had another plan, of course.

…and also Foggy and Matt’s romance is really quite a lovely story, and honestly, there’s only so much Deadpool readers can take.

_________________________

“Oh good! I caught you.”

Matt wasn’t sure how exactly Foggy Nelson had figured out where his local bodega was. He wasn’t sure how Foggy knew who he was even, because he was in Matt-clothes, not Daredevil cat-suit clothes.

And he’d just called himself Daredevil. Fucking Wade.

But more pressing things were at hand, like this getting caught business.

“What?”

Foggy seemed to realize what he’d said, based on his nervous shuffling. “Uh, not in the ‘apprehending a suspect’ sense, but in a, I need some friendly advice sense.”

Matt put down the fruit he’d been inspecting, and turned to face Foggy directly. There was an intake of breath.

“That’s…a cane. How did I miss the cane? Wow. Uh. Cane.”

“How did you know who I was?” Matt asked, crossing his arms. “And give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just kill you?”

He wondered if Foggy had thought any of this through, but then he didn’t seem all that nervous at the mention of killing things. Huh.

“Because you don’t kill people?” Huh. “And you feel like paying me back for doing you a solid that one time?”

Matt suddenly blushed, feeling like an asshole. He did owe Foggy, and he felt bad that Foggy had had to call on that debt to get Matt to help him. Matt wasn’t…a bad person, per se. Self-serving, yes. Compulsive liar and thief, absolutely. Unwilling to help his fellow man (especially when appealed to directly)? Of course not. He was human. He had human…emotions. Empathy. Compassion.

Stick hadn’t completely fucked him up, after all.

You’re a hot mess, baby, his internal Wade-voice said. What you need is some dick, offer him an afternoon siesta–

Shut up, Wade.

“Sorry, Nelson. Of course I’ll help.” Matt mumbled, frowning in the direction of his shoes. “I’m not a complete ass.”

“Ookay… never said you were. So, here’s the thing: someone broke into my apartment but they didn’t steal anything, man, they left something. In your expert opinion does this smack of crazy or clever manipulation? Or both?”

“What did they leave?”

“A hoe.”

Matt blinked. “Excuse me?”

“A hoe. Uh. Like the farm tool…thing. The raking. Of the crops. I don’t know I’m from Hell’s Kitchen.”

“A hoe,” he parroted in disbelief.

Foggy was smiling nervously, he could hear it, and Matt might have smiled back had he not realized exactly what (or whom) he was dealing with.

“Deadpool,” Matt hissed.

———-

“I’m just trying to get you out there.” Wade dodged a kick to the face. “It’s been two years, Matty! I’m surprised little Matt hasn’t just fallen off…just, detached and run off to find someone that actually appreciates him for who he is– ”

Matt socked him in the stomach. “Oof!” said Wade. “OK time-out. Time-out. That actually hurt kinda.”

Despite being angry at him, Matt did pull away, his hands on Deadpool’s shoulders. “You need to stop,” he told his friend. “Nelson could have gone to the police with your note.”

He hadn’t been able to appreciate Wade’s drawing of Foggy in a giant dick costume (“it’s very très chic,” Foggy had said) but the addition of the address for Matt’s local grocery and what time he usually dropped by was absolutely not something he appreciated at all.

“Oh, come on.” Wade threw his hands in the air as Matt stomped around his kitchen. “He never would have gone to the po po. He’s the most innocent butterscotch donut there ever was. The worst he’s probably ever done to anyone is ask if they were really blind. And those were special circumstances! And his hair is golden and glossy. He wears cute suits. He’s really come along way from She’s All That!”

“Wade, enough.”

Wade sunk into a sullen silence, which, getting him to actually shut up for even a short period of time was sort of a superpower of Matt’s. Everyone said so. And usually this was where he sighed and told Wade to stop pouting and then forgave him, but Matt was serious this time.

“You could have really screwed up here, you know. Nice guy or not, Foggy Nelson knowing my secret identity isn’t necessarily a good thing. Now he’s…involved. My enemies could come after him.”

“Spider-man hasn’t tried to arrest you in months– ”

“They could use him to hurt me. If I’m being honest, that’s what I’m most afraid of, Wade. Of people I care for being caught in the crossfire.”

“Oh my goooooooooood,” Wade exclaimed, skipping over to Matt and grabbing him into an uncomfortable hug. “You’re still scarred about that one time with the Punisher! Awwwww, Matty. You knew I’d be fine! I’m sorry you got splattered with my brains– ”

“You’re sorry?”

“ –and for making you choose between your boyfriend and me. But that was my fault, not yours. I was on Castle’s radar a long time before he started doing the do with you. Which sounded pretty hot, gotta say. Oh, and I heard you that one time.”

“Ugh.”

“You’re kinda loud.”

“Just…” Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Just let me handle it, okay?”

“You got it, DD. Consider me persona non grata! El out of it-o. Worry not about anymore interference from me, my good sir. I leave thee to thy contemplations of eternal celibacy. Foggy Nelson is never gonna hear from me again! You have my word.”

_________________________

“Hi,” Wade said into Foggy’s ear, who nearly jumped out of his seat in surprise. “Sooooo? What’d you think? He’s hot, right?”

“I, um– ”

“Ooh, breakfast burritos!” He purloined Foggy’s meal, sitting across from him at the little cafe table. People stared. Wade knew it was because he was super handsome and famous. “I notice you didn’t ask him out.”

Foggy shrugged awkwardly. “Well, he was pretty annoyed, so I figured it wasn’t the best time to suggest dinner.”

Wade shoved the half-eaten burrito in his pocket. “I see,” he nodded. “Oh, and speaking of seeing, how do you feel about the blind thing? Because let me tell you, it took some getting used to– ”

“Um.”

“ –but then Matt explained this thing called ableism to me, and wow was that an eye-opener. Pun totally intended. So if you’ve got a problem with blind people I completely understand, but also you’re probably gonna meet Mean Deadpool instead of Nice Deadpool. The Mean one kills people. Wait. So does the Nice one. Just don’t hate blind people, OK?”

Foggy let him finish, a cute little wrinkle in between his eyes. “I’m not ableist,” he replied, slowly. “I have no problem with the differently abled. Please don’t kill me. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now, Matt is a very handsome duck, yes,” he admitted. “Like really handsome. And I’m interested. Very interested.”

Wade leaned forward excitedly. “It’s the hair isn’t it? I mean Charlie Cox is hot as fuck, but Comics!Matt has always been my secret man-crush. I’m thinking this particular fanfic features more of a Mixed Matt, like, Charlie’s adorbs face but with ginger tresses, and of course he’s got that ass in any medium. Because, like, that ass.”

Foggy held up a hand. “Dude, I’m trying to ask for Matt’s number.”

Deadpool pulled out his phone, which was covered in smooshed breakfast burrito. “Dude, why didn’t you just say so? Why do people insist on writing pages filled with useless dialogue? I’m not even that funny.”

________________________

“Unknown number, probably Wade, unknown number, probably Wade– did you pick up my dry cleaning again? I’ve told you hundred times to leave those people alone– ”

“Uh. That sounds like a story.”

Matt blinked. He blinked again. “How did you get this number?”

He could hear Foggy Nelson’s heartbeat speed up over the phone (Wade was fond of testing Matt’s abilities this way, usually with his hand down his pants, which was why Matt kept the length of their phone conversations to thirty seconds or less) and waited for an explanation that didn’t include the words 'dead’ or 'pool’. Alas, Matt was unlucky in life.

“I don’t know why I believed him when he said he would drop this,” Matt grumbled, leaning against his sink. “Listen, Nelson, it’s not that I don’t like you– ”

“No, it’s okay,” Foggy reassured him, though he sounded disappointed. “I get it, and I’m sorry I’m bothering you.”

“You’re not!” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not bothering me. I’m just not dating right now.”

“Bad break up, huh?”

Matt laughed humorlessly. “The worst.”

“Yeah, I lost a real spitfire a couple years ago to corporate law, and then wham! I’m suddenly working for HCB and there goes my high horse. She’s made it her goal in life to destroy me in court every chance she gets. Of which there are now many.”

“Why did you go to work for Hogarth?”

“Turns out owning your own practice is a total bummer. Thank you casseroles from endless pro bono clients are not accepted in lieu of rent money. Who knew.”

Matt smiled despite himself. “Not even enchilada casserole?”

“Not even that.”

There was a comfortable silence, and then Matt took a breath and said, “you know I was going to be a lawyer?”

“No way, Jose!”

He laughed. “Really. I was.”

Foggy laughed too. “How on earth did that go so sideways?”

So Matt told him, and Foggy listened and made all the right jokes and didn’t judge and generally charmed the pants off of him. They talked about law, then breaking the law (as you do), then Wade, then Wade’s hygiene (as you do), and then moved on to old movies, vinyl records, the best place for cannoli, that One Time Tony Stark Crashed Into a Strip Club, and the current health care bill that everyone but Wade was concerned about.

“We should have dinner,” Matt found himself saying during a slight pause in their banter. “I mean yes. I’m saying yes.”

“To dinner? As in, a dinner date?” Foggy sounded hopeful.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “We should do that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They set a time and place; both a bit breathless with excitement. When Matt hung up, he checked the time. It had been 2 hours and 36 minutes since he’d accepted the call. He had talked to Foggy Nelson for 2 hours, and 36 minutes.

When’s the wedding? His inner Wade-voice said.

Matt scoffed and ignored it, but he had a small smile on his face for the rest of the night.

_________________________

His socks were wet again, but this time it had nothing to do with snow. This time it was the Hudson; which Matt had decided to take a dip into (no, not decided, he’d been pushed. Pushed).

“You are dead!” He yelled, water-logged and spitting mad. “Dead!”

Wade only laughed and laughed.

“Um, thanks for the help,” Spider-man said, somewhat dubiously. Behind him, a large Godzilla-looking green reptile lay dead and still partially on fire.

“I wasn’t helping!” Matt growled, boots squelching as he dragged his sore body away from the boardwalk. “I’m a villain, remember?”

“Right.” Spider-man didn’t sound so sure. “You know, Daredevil, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“You sure did,” Wade nodded, slapping Matt on the back of his wet catsuit. Ugh. “He’s not a villain at all! Self-serving? Yeah. Kind of a dick? Sure. But sinister enough for Spidey’s rogues gallery? Nah…wait. Isn’t Stilt-man in there somewhere? I take it all back.“

“I’m not a hero,” Matt hissed.

“Your boyfriend thinks you are! OMG Spidey it’s so cute, he’s dating the embodiment of summer sunshine, Raffi, and kittens playing in little boxes.”

Wade went on to tell the entire story of MattnFoggy, and Spider-man thought it was all very lovely, of course.

“That’s so sweet, DD,” he gushed like a High Schooler. “And now I’m 100% sure you’re just misunderstood.”

“110!” Wade crowed.

“110,” Spider-man nodded.

Later, Matt and Wade trooped back to Matt’s apartment; one exhausted and pensive, while the other remained as hyper and cacophonous as always. Wade was ecstatic about making a new friend, and was going on and on about “Team Red”, but Matt was too distracted to listen.

“Wade,” he said, cutting off his endless stream of nonsense. “Do you think…do you ever wonder about going straight?”

Wade gasped. “Honey, no.”

“I’m serious,” said Matt. “I’m just– I’m just worried for Foggy. I want to be good for him.”

“Listen.” Wade reached out and took Matt by the shoulders, shaking him a little. “You already are good. You’re great. Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes great. So what if you steal stuff? You’re not hurting anybody!”

“Rich people,” Matt pointed out.

“No one cares about the 1%, coal miners, or crybaby white people. You’re a freedom fighter! An enemy of fascist America! I’m proud of you, Matt. And so is Foggy, because that’s who this is really about.”

Which was true. This was about Foggy, and it was becoming a serious hang-up that was threatening the very fabric of their relationship. Something needed to be done, so Matt gathered his courage that night and asked Foggy if he really knew what he was getting into.

“You do know that I’m a villain, right?” He said cautiously. “I’ve been arrested by the Avengers and everything.”

For the first time, Matt was feeling somewhat ashamed of this, rather than just indifferent or irritated.

“Psh,” Foggy replied, holding Matt’s hand. They were intertwined on Matt’s couch, which seemed to be their habit these days. “Who needs those guys? Not me. Plus I like you just the way you are, and I know it’s cheesy, but you’ve stolen my heart.”

Matt smiled shyly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Foggy leaned in and kissed the top of his head and squeezed his shoulders. Matt melted. “But you know what, Matty? I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. I think you’re great, and it doesn’t really matter that you steal stuff, unless you’re caught and go to prison, which would suck. But even then I would stick by you. I’d be your legal representation.”

“That’s practically a proposal.” He grinned and sat up and stared in the general direction of his boyfriend. He felt warm and cared for, and the pure, overwhelming affection he had for this man prompted him to say, “Foggy Nelson, will you be my legal representation?”

“I will.” Foggy’s heart didn’t lie. “Forever and always.”

And Matt practically threw himself at Foggy, hugging him tight. “You know what, Foggy?” said Matt, kissing his cheek. “You’re the best thing I ever stole.”

[fanfic-inator795]

Lego Batman Oneshot: Leagues Above

Plot: Sometimes it can be hard to feel like the best, toughest and most awesome superhero dad when you and your son are surrounded by other superheroes. But luckily, there’s still only one Bat-Dad.

((Yaaay, another Lego Batman fic ^v^ Hope you all enjoy! Also, mild spoilers for the movie))

Dick’s eyes widened as the crystal fortress came into view, its icy walls shimmering in the winter sunlight. “Wowwww...” He said in awe, pressing his face closer to the window of the Bat-Jet just so he could try and get a better look at it.

Batman, on the other hand, didn’t look impressed whatsoever. Honestly, what was so great about a house made out of ice and crystals? Sure, it was great if you wanted to be alone, but a huge manor or a dark cave was still MUCH cooler in his opinion. Besides, he had seen the Fortress of Solitude plenty of times. 

In fact, Dick had seen the Fortress once before too! But then again, Batman knew very well how excited his son could get about things - even things that he had seen or done before. And, considering what else they were going to be doing that day, Batman supposed he couldn’t blame the kid too much for being so ‘jazzed’. 

Within a few minutes, the Bat-Jet began descending, slowing down gradually until it finally landed on the soft snow below. As soon as the jet stopped, the dynamic duo jumped out, doing a flip in the air before landing themselves. 

“Alright, let’s go,” Batman said with a casual tone as he started leading the way. It was clear he wasn’t nearly as excited about this visit as Dick was, but at the same time he wasn’t completely dreading it either (even after he remembered the recent anniversary party incident). Definitely a bit of an improvement. 

It didn’t take long for Dick to catch up with him, though while he still seemed excited, the kid also started to feel nervous. “...Um, hey, Padre?”

“Yeah?” Batman asked, glancing back at his sidekick/son.

“Well, um... Do you think they’ll like me?” Dick asked innocently, “I mean, I’m still new at the whole superhero thing. And I’m not a Master Builder either, and... I’ve never really been the most popular, so-”

“Relax, kid,” Batman told him bluntly, though with a small smile, “Trust me, they’re going to like you. ...Pretty sure no one could hate you, actually.” Even some of their villains had ended up practically falling in love with the new Boy Wonder just because of how cute and sweet he was despite also being the one that helped defeat them and stop their evil plans. 

“Besides, they invited you, remember? It’s not like you invited yourself.” News of Gotham’s newest young hero and how he had helped saved the whole city had traveled fast, and given how surprising it was that Batman actually let someone help him, it didn’t take long for Superman to start sending emails and invites. “The rest of the League definitely wants to meet Robin, there’s no doubt about that, which means you’ve got nothing to worry about.” There was a pause. “...Except for being annoyed by Green Lantern. But yeah, that’s the only thing you have to worry about.”

Giggling a bit at that, Dick’s nerves started to fade a bit. “Okay,” he nodded, smiling slightly, “...Thanks Bat-Dad.”

Batman nodded back at him, and the two continued to trudge through the snow. Thankfully, it didn’t take the duo very long to reach the Fortress, and no sooner had they rang the doorbell did the giant door open. 

“Heyyy, glad you could finally make it!” Superman greeted, giving a quick wave to Batman (who had actually managed to hold back any scowling) before turning all his attention to Dick - whose eyes were already wide with awe. 

“Oh, uh, hi Mister Superman!” the boy greeted, “I’m Robin and, gosh, it’s just such an honor to meet you, sir!” An honor? Tc’ch. Batman couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit at that, but still managed to keep quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment. 

Not noticing the eyeroll, the Man of Steel just chuckled. “Thanks Robin, it’s nice to meet you too. And hey, call me Supes.”

“Heh, alright, Mister Supes!” Dick grinned back at him. 

Still looking a bit amused, Superman opened the door a bit more, allowing the excited sidekick to run inside. “Cute kid, Bats,” he told Batman, directing his attention back to him, “Though I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t really expect you to be the fatherly type.”

“Yeah well, these things just happen,” the Dark Knight replied casually as he walked inside, “Like, sometimes you just wake up one day and think ‘Hey, I should have a son that can be my sidekick!’. And so, here we are.”

“...Uh, if you say so, bro. Anyway, come on-” Shutting the massive door, Superman then flew ahead towards one of the Fortress’ many corridors, “Robin and the others are probably wondering what’s keeping us.”

Given how many Justice League members there were, Batman hadn’t been sure how many of them would actually be there. Once they entered the icy living room though, he could see that there were only four other heroes there - which was probably for the best. They didn’t want Dick to get too overwhelmed, after all.

“Wow, I still can’t believe I’m actually meeting you all! This is incredible!” Dick told them, a huge (and adorable) smile still on his face, “Thank you so much for inviting me here!”

“Well, thank you for accepting, Robin,” Wonder Woman told him with a pleased smile.

“Yeah, don’t sell yourself short, little man!” Green Lantern added, “I mean, after we heard how you helped save Gotham-”

“Not to mention how you managed to get Batman to actually like working on a team-” Flash quickly mumbled.

“-We just had to meet you for ourselves!”

“Nice costume, by the way!” Cyborg told him, “Really diggin’ the cape!”

“Wow, really?! Thanks!” Dick said as he did a bit of a twirl, just to completely show off the sparkly garment, “I picked it out myself!”

“Nice!” Cyborg grinned as he and the other heroes nodded in approval. Even Batman couldn’t help but smile a little. Sure, the costume wasn’t dark whatsoever, but it was perfect for Dick, and that was all that mattered.

“Heh, looks like you’re already fitting in well here,” Superman spoke up, causing Dick to look back at him, “So how’s about we move onto the tour?”

“Oh wow, really?! I mean, I don’t want to be a bother. Plus, I’ve already sorta-” But before he could even finish his sentence, Superman grabbed Dick’s hand and lifted him up into the air, causing the young hero to let out a bit of yelp.

Which of course caused his father to immediately go into protection mode. “Hey!” Not even hesitating, Batman got out his grappling hook. As for his scolding words and a few choice insults for the Kryptonian, he was just barely holding them back. 

...However, before he could even take aim, he saw Dick’s expression of surprise turn into pure joy.

Not looking afraid whatsoever, Dick cheered as Superman continued to fly him around the living room. He ooh’d and aww’d at the beautiful crystals, and gasped at some of the vast landscapes and amazing views that could be seen through some of the windows or clearer crystals. “This is incredible! WOOOO!” “Heh, I know, right?”

“...” Slowly, Batman put his grappling hook away, though a small scowl still remained. “Well, maybe you should know that Robin probably could’ve gotten up there himself. Kid’s good at climbing and acrobatics and all that stuff so, you probably didn’t need to fly him around.”

However, even Dick ignored this statement. Clearly, flying was a lot more fun. “So,” Superman asked, “you ready to see the rest of the place?”

“YEAH!” Dick nodded eagerly, “I wanna see it all!” 

“Well, no problem there!” the Man of Steel proudly told him. Unlike another certain hero, he had almost nothing to hide. And, not wanting to miss his reaction to some of the other surprises the Fortress of Solitude had to offer, the other Justice League members easily took flight themselves to follow them (with the exception of Flash, though he was just as fast as them even if he was stuck on the ground).

All of the other members... except for one. “...I guess I’ll just, wait here,” Batman mumbled, his expression just a bit softer as he took a seat on the now-empty couch, “I mean, I’ve seen this whole place. Even memorized the schematics of it, so why would I wanna be part of the tour? Nope, I’m totally fine just staying here...” 

After all, he was used to being alone.

()()()()()()()()()()

“-And before I knew it, asteroids were just falling everywhere! It was, like, raining rocks or something! And all of them were heating up in the atmosphere and catching fire, I barely had enough ice breath to cool them all!”

“Gosh... So what happened next?!” the boy asked, completely focused on the story and practically dying to hear what happened next. But while he was impressed with the story, Batman clearly wasn’t.

Of course, Superman didn’t notice his rival’s disinterest. “Well, once I figured out where the asteroids were coming from,” he proudly continued, “I was able to fly right to the source and redirect it so that the asteroids would start flying near a red sun instead of Earth, which means they would either float by harmlessly or burn up. And, I still managed to make it back to Metropolis in time for lunch.”

Smiling, Dick sighed a bit in relief, glad to hear that the story had a happy ending. Then again, with Superman in them, they usually did. “Wow, being able to go to space whenever you want must be amazing!”

“Yeah, space is pretty great!” Green Lantern added, “You should see some of the Lantern Planets we’ve got out there! And hey, if you want we could probably take you out there sometime!”

Dick gasped. “Really?!” 

“Sure, why not?” Green Lantern shrugged, with Superman adding “We’d love to take you!”

“Of course, it’ll be after we see Themyscira,” Wonder Woman reminded them.

“Don’t forget Cloud Cuckoo Land!” Flash added.

“Buuut before that, we’ve gotta introduce you to the other League members,” Cyborg spoke up, “I know they’re just dyin’ to meet you, Rob! And hey, some of them are even around your age!”

“Whoa, really? Gosh, I can’t wait to meet them!” Dick grinned. Honestly, Batman wasn’t sure how the kid could even still smile, let alone grin, given how much he had been doing it in just the past couple hours. Clearly, Dick was enjoying the visit just as much as the other League members were. But even so- 

“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll be meeting you soon,” Batman finally spoke up, quickly getting everyone’s attention pretty much just out of surprise, “But, speaking of soon, I think we should be leaving soon, right? I mean, it has been a couple hours so-”

“Wait, can’t we stay just a bit longer?” Dick asked.

“Yeah, Bats,” Superman started to add, “It’s nearly lunchtime anyway so you might as well-”

“Well, we’ve got plenty of lunch back at the Batcave,” Batman retorted, “And I’m sure we’ve got other stuff to do. Tons of very important stuff that I can’t give details about because it’s just that important, so-”

“Pleeeease?” Batman scowled, nearly saying no. But of course, his son just HAD to bring out the cute puppydog eyes. “Just a bit longer!” Dick asked again, “Please, Padre?”

“...Ugh. Fine,” the Dark Knight agreed, albeit very reluctantly. Of course, Dick and the other heroes cheered at his answer. And, once lunch was decided on, it didn’t take long for their conversation to continue - and for Batman to once again become silent as he stood to the side of the couch. 

“Even if you can’t stay much longer,” Wonder Woman started to say, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I hope you know that you’re welcome to come to other Justice League get-togethers whenever you’d like, Robin.” 

Dick blinked. “I... R-Really?” he asked quietly. Even after their great visit, it was still a bit hard for him to believe just how much the Justice League actually wanted him. 

As for the others, they just smiled at him. “Yeah!” “Of course, little man!” “Why wouldn’t we?” “Trust us, you’re definitely Justice League material!” 

At that last comment, even Batman’s neutral scowl softened a bit. At least that was one thing he could agree with. However, his light smile didn’t last long. 

“Heh, w-wow... Thank you so much, guys!” Unable to help himself, Dick hugged Superman, and it didn’t take long for the others to happily join in on the group hug. “You guys are the greatest!”

“...” Slowly, Batman glanced away. Within a few seconds, the super-group hug broke apart and, at the Man of Steel’s suggestion, they started heading towards the Fortress’ kitchen. ...All while Batman blended himself into what little shadows there were, and walked to the front door...

Despite being in the Arctic, it actually wasn’t that cold outside. Or, maybe that was just the thick material of his costume helping out. Whatever it was, Batman was thankful for it. He had a feeling that he would be sitting on the Fortress of Solitude’s doorstep for a while - and while this certainly annoyed him, it still wasn’t enough for him to go back inside and force Dick to leave. ...Besides, there were always snow drawings and mini bat-snowmen making to keep him busy.

Eventually though, he did hear the giant door open behind him. Not even looking back, he bluntly said, “I’m not hungry, and I’m busy, so don’t bother asking.”

“...But-” Just that one word was enough for Batman to realize that it wasn’t Superman ,or any of the other League members, that he was talking to. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Dick looking back at him with concerned eyes.

“Oh... Uh, hey,” Batman greeted, his tone a lot softer now.

Dick forced a small smile back at him. “Hi... So, what are you doing out here, Padre?”

“Just, uh, doing stuff,” he answered, looking away again. He didn’t hear his son walk away though. He figured that Dick probably just wanted to find him so he could ask if they could extend their visit a couple more hours, or sleep over, or maybe he had decided to just move into the Fortress of Solitude...

But none of those questions ever came. Instead, Dick walked over and sat down in the snow beside him. “...How come you’re sitting out here all by yourself?” he finally asked.

Batman shrugged. “Just felt like it,” he replied, not wanting to say more than that.

“...But, I mean-”

“I’m fine,” he repeated, his voice just a bit more forceful now, though he quickly pulled it back “So just, head back inside, alright? Don’t let me ruin your fun.”

However, rather than being comforted by these words, Dick just looked more concerned. “You’re not ruining my fun... You’re not ruining anything! I-” The boy winced, “I, I’m sorry if I made you mad by asking if we could stay longer-”

“I’m not mad!” Batman insisted, feeling a pinch of guilt, “You didn’t make me mad!”

“Then, what is wrong?” his son retorted, his question innocent enough but with plenty of determination behind it to let his father know that he wasn’t going to take “Nothing” or another “I’m fine” for an answer.

“Ughhhhhh.” Even if he was slowly getting better at it, he still REALLY hated talking about his feelings. “I... don’t really fit into the Justice League,” he slowly admitted, “And, sometimes I want to, but other times I don’t. I’m used to working alone, you can’t always trust people, stuff like that... But...  You do fit in well.”

Dick stared at him, still not quite getting it, but holding back his questions so that Batman could continue. 

“You actually like hanging out with the League, and they like hanging out with you - just like I said they would, by the way. But yeah, you have fun with them, and I...” Batman glanced away. “If you’re with them, I’m not really needed... Er, which is fine! I mean, I can’t blame you. There’s a reason why the rest of the Justice League has almost as many fans as me, so-”

“Of course you’re needed, Padre!” Unable to help himself, the Dark Knight flinched at the sudden outburst, and quickly looked back over at Dick. “That’s why I wanted to find you! You weren’t there, and I wanted you to eat lunch with us!” he continued, “It’s not the Justice League without Batman! ...And it’s not a meal with friends if I’m not with my dad.”

“...” Batman stared at him, still a bit in shock, “But, I mean-”

“Maybe you aren’t as close to the League as you are to me and Grandpa and Miss Barbara and Joker, but... but they still like you, and I just know they want you around just as much as I do!” Dick told him, his determination on full display now. 

After a moment though, the boy’s expression softened a bit. “Mister Supes and the others may be great heroes - really great, even! - but you’re still the best! Because you’re Batman... Because you’re my dads, and I can’t think of any hero that’s better than them!”

There was a long moment of silence between the two of them, and for a moment, Dick worried that maybe his words had somehow done more harm than good. But eventually, Batman did smile. “...Do you really think they wouldn’t mind having a bat-themed vigilante join them for lunch?”

“Definitely not!” Dick insisted.

“Well... Alright then.” Kicking away the snow drawing of him punching the Joker that he had been working on, Batman stood up, and Dick quickly followed. However, before they headed back inside- “Hey kid?”

“Yeah, Bat-Dad?”

Batman’s smile grew a bit. “...Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better sidekick - or son - that’s better either.” Giving a bit of a teary smile at that, Dick happily hugged him. And of course, his father slowly yet happily returned the hug without any hesitation.

()()()()()()()()()()

“And then Batman came up with the idea to use our heads! Literally!” “It was a pretty great idea.” “Yeah, and so we built a bridge of people so we could reach across the gap and pull Gotham back together!” “Using the power of abs, of course.” 

Dick grinned, and nodded. “Yep! And that’s how we first saved the day together!”

“Geez, now that’s a story you’re not gonna forget!” Flash commented, with the others looking just as impressed, “I’ve heard a lot of first-save stories, but I think that one was one of the best! And that’s even when compared to mine!”

“Yeah!” Cyborg nodded, “Talk about an adventure!”

“And,” Wonder Woman added with a small smirk, “It also sounds like you made a bot of a change, huh Batman?”

Batman shrugged, though smirked a bit back at her. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I didn’t have much to change but, as for the few things I did change, well... I’d say they were changed for the better.”

“Heh, I could toast to that,” Superman told them. He grabbed one of the cupcakes that had been brought out for dessert and held it up in the air, with the others following his lead. “Here’s to Batman and Robin.”

“To Batman and Robin!” the others repeated, with the father-son duo clearly being the loudest. 

“And here’s hoping we’ll see them around again soon!” Green Lantern added, “I mean, I feel like I hardly get to hang out with the rest of you guys in general, but I see Batman even less than that!”

“Yeah well, when you work in the most crime-ridden city in the world, you’re pretty much busy every night,” Batman lightly argued, taking a quick sip of his drink, “But, I guess maybe I can try to take a day or two off to hang out.”

“Yea’, whe’ll d’phantly twy to c’mm ba’k soon!” Dick added, still chewing his cupcake.

“Good to hear,” the Man of Steel nodded, “Next time you guys come, I’ll have to pick up pizza because man, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried pizza from the Bizarro Dimension! It’s one of the few things that dimension actually improves on!”

A bizarro-pizza night with Superman and the rest of the Justice League? ...Huh. A few months ago, it never would’ve appealed to Batman at all, even if part of him did sort of wonder about what it would be like. But now... Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Hey man, as long as it’s not Phantom Zone pizza, I’m up for anything,” Flash joked, making the rest of them chuckle.

“Heh, yeah. ...Though, I still don’t understand how the Joker could have opened the Phantom Zone anyway, let alone entered it,” Superman wondered, “Hmm, maybe I should start keeping an eye him and those ‘toys’ he makes.”

Stopping mid-bite, Batman swallowed and scowled, preparing to tell Superman to keep his eyes on his own enemies. But before he could- “Oh, uh, I think that was because Miss Harley somehow got the Phantom Zone projector away from the police, after we-”

“Ahaaa, after we, uh, tried to stop the Joker from, uh, becoming too dangerous! Yeah!” Batman quickly interrupted as he put a hand in front of Dick’s face, “Which admittedly may have involved just a little borrowing and zapping into zones, but-”

“Whoa whoa, wait. Dude, did you-?”

Even as Superman started to scowl at him, Batman was able to easily ignore him, and was instead concentrating on stuffing the rest of his dessert into his utility belt. “Well, this has been fun but you know, it’s getting late, it’s nearly Robin’s bedtime, you know how it is.”

“Huh?” Dick blinked, “Wait, I thought you said there weren’t any bedtimes-?”

“Is that how the Joker did it? Wait, you came to my party just to steal-?!”

“Borrowed. Anyway like I said, this was a great time, really super,” Batman continued as he got out his grappling hook. Within a couple seconds, he aimed and shot it up towards the ceiling, “But like I’ve said we’ve reaaaaally got to get going. Later!”

“But it’s not even nighttime yet- Whoa!” As soon as Batman put an arm around his son, the two of them shot up into the air, easily escaping through a nearby window and leaving the rest of the Justice League behind with either confused or flat expressions on their faces.

“...Okay, maybe he’s still the same Batman,” Wonder Woman dryly commented while Superman just sighed, mumbling something about upgrading the security around his fortress.

“But, on the bright side,” Green Lantern told them, “At least he said that he had a great time!”

THE END