#so like that would absolutely fit in with the uncharted territories that's typical for a pmd game

[kaylawritesfics]

Hiiii! Can you do hcs for max and steve being a sibling duo or write a one shot abt them?

Steve and Max As A Sibling Duo

headcanons

summary: steve and max are the best sibling duo we could’ve asked for

pairing: steve harrington x max mayfield (platonic)

warnings: swearing, mentions of canon typical violence, mention of death/grieving

note: why are there no gifs of steve and max?? also there’s no reader insert here this is just my take on steve and max behaving as siblings !!

Steve and Max are absolutely the best sibling duo

Steve is the big brother that Max deserved and having Max around makes Steve feel less lonely

Steve always wanted a little sister !! He would beg his parents for a sibling all the time when he was younger but to not avail

Steve is obviously protective of all the kids but Max would literally kill somebody for Steve. Nobody is gonna ever hurt him while she’s around.

I feel like Max is already super protective over people she cares about but it’s just different with Steve. Like she’s already lost one brother and feels the guilt of that, she’s not gonna lose another.

The entire party is a found family for Max and somehow Steve fits in so perfectly.

They argue and she loves to rile him up, but they have such a strong bond that almost rivals Steve and Dustin’s.

Max isn’t affectionate at all and Steve knows that, so he tries to go about things differently with her. He makes her mixtapes (she absolutely roasts his taste in music but she secretly treasures them so much), he buys her little things that he knows she needs or likes, and he really tries to be there for her in ways Billy wasn’t.

Steve is the only reliable male figure Max has ever had and she still doesn’t really know how to express things to him.

Max’s love language is gift giving. She saves up months in advance to buy Steve something really nice for his birthday or Christmas. That usually means she’s on a budget for everyone else’s gifts but she really wants to show Steve how much she appreciates him, so it doesn’t matter to her.

Max knows that Billy was an awful person and he treated her like shit, but he was also her brother and she had some fucked up idea that she should have protected him. She feels so much guilt over his death. She’s not even really grieving, she just feels so guilty.

Steve knows this and, in one of Max’s moments of vulnerability, he confesses his guilt over Barb’s death. He’s come to terms with the fact that there was nothing he really could have done for her, but he can’t help but feel like he should have done something.

They have a little bonding moment over shared trauma and guilt.

Having a little sister is uncharted territory for Steve. He has Dustin, who is the equivalent of a little brother, but Max is so much different. She’s snarky and unaffectionate and a little mean sometimes. He really has to learn how to be there for her in a way that makes her comfortable.

Steve loves Max and he would voluntarily lay down his life for any of those kids but especially Max, who has been through hell and back for the last year and who he just wants to protect so bad.

Max is used to being the responsible adult and looking out for herself, so letting go of the responsibility and letting Steve Harrington, of all people, make sure she’s safe is really difficult for her at first.

I’m 100% convinced that Max’s letter to Steve is so sappy. It’s full of the things she was never brave enough to say to him.

She thanks him for looking out for her, for being the best big brother in the entire world.

By the time she’s finished writing it, the ink is slightly smudged by the tears rolling off her cheeks and onto the paper.

Then, in delicate handwriting, she signs it: “Your baby sister, Max”

[rubykgrant]

(I can’t stop writing about the idiots in love, so here; have Simmons and Grif being love-struck dorks in what leads-up to them having snuggle time~)

All day long, they couldn’t stop giggling. Even with the armor on, they could tell when they were looking at each other, and that was all it took. They would try to hold back, then wind up choking on their own laughter. Because, despite the helmets hiding their faces, and without saying anything, they could tell they were both thinking the same thing when they looked at each other; That’s my BOYFRIEND. It made them feel light-headed with happiness, weak in the knees, silly and embarrassed, delighted and undeniably fond. They couldn’t stop giggling.

When they weren’t together, they still had their heads in the clouds; Grif was in a noticeably more pleasant mood than usual when he had work to do. Nobody wanted to question it much, however… it might make him realize what was happening, and then he’d fall back into complaining. Simmons seemed distracted. He still managed to get his work done, so that was fine… he just wasn’t paying much attention to what anybody said to him. The people around them shrugged this off and decided to ignore them. Nobody pressed the issue, and nobody knew that Grif and Simmons were now boyfriends.

They passed each other in the hall at one point near the end of the day, both going somewhere else. People weren’t paying attention to him, but if they were, they would have seen Grif visibly BOUNCE up when he saw Simmons (who started grinning inside his helmet).

“Oh hey, Tomato Can!”

“Shut up! What are you, one of those giant cans of pumpkin mix?”

Simmons reached out, playfully smacking at Grif as he walked by, and Grif did the same. In the middle of the smacking, they also grabbed and pulled on each other’s hands briefly. The giggles finally broke free, and they both could hear the laughter fade away the farther they walked. One again, nobody questioned this much. Grif and Simmons acting stupid and laughing was pretty typical behavior. It certainly wasn’t different from how they usually were.

It was several hours later when it was finally time to be done with work for the day (the day, in fact, was mostly over; it was after 9:30 at night). Simmons immediately went to change out of his armor. He carefully put each piece into it’s storage place, and then tried to NOT look like he was rushing off to see Grif back at their room as fast as possible. Normally, he changed out of the undersuit as well, putting on something loose and comfortable to wear as he went back to his room... it used to make him incredibly self-conscious to bee SEEN by other people in something that was so form-fitting. He also used to change out of the armor in a stall, just like he did way back in high school for PE; changing in and out of his gym clothes where nobody could see him, and only showering after all the other kids were gone. Well, finding out somebody was in love with you was a major ego-boost. He could finish changing back in their room, he was more concerned with getting to see his boyfriend than other people seeing him in the halls (also… it didn’t hurt that over the years, muscles had happened. Simmons had no illusions that he was a “totally buff hottie” or something, but he had come to accept that he wasn’t half-bad looking).

They both had different meal-time schedules today, Grif coming into the mess hall just when Simmons was done for both lunch and dinner. They once again teased and nudged as they passed, giggling at what was now an inside-joke; they were together, and nobody here even knew it, nobody here knew what a big deal it was, nobody knew they were in LOVE. Grif hasn’t felt so silly and infatuated like this since he was basically a kid, and for Simmons this is entirely uncharted territory. He’s not worried though, because he’s going on this romantic journey with Grif… as far as Simmons is concerned, that is absolutely perfect.

As he power-walked briskly, Simmons heard the sound of heavy, rushed foot-steps running up the hall behind him. He turned to see who it was, and there was Grif; he’d only partially changed out of his armor, the upper-half. He still had it on from the waist down. Evidently, he was in too much of a rush to bother with everything. Grif grinned at Simmons when their eyes met, and now Simmons smiled back at him, slightly slowing down as he stayed turned toward Grif, momentarily walking backwards… Grif was so eager to see his boyfriend, he was actually RUNNING. Before Grif caught up to him, Simmons suddenly had and idea. He began to increase how fast he walked, turned forward again, and sprinted down the hall. Grif caught on immediately; this was now a race, and Simmons wanted to beat him back to the room.

Simmons was fairly certain he would win; he had a head-start, Grif detested moving this fast, and the guy still had armor on his legs to weigh him down.

He was proven wrong when he was suddenly yanked back a step by his shirt, causing him to stumble as Grif pulled ahead.

“AHH! Bitch!” Simmons yelled, catching himself against the wall and laughing as he resumed running.

“What was that? I can’t hear you back there!” Grif yelled in return.

It was fairly empty in the halls of the ship, a few other random people were leisurely walking around, some of them still in their armor for late-duty. Luckily, none of them were very familiar with Grif and Simmons, and simply assumed these were two rowdy friends running around after work. Which was technically true… but if anybody who was close to them saw this (the people who had spent years with them, for example), it would trike them as odd; Grif, actually RUNNING, when it wasn’t toward a buffet or away from something life-threatening? Simmons, breaking several rules (that nobody but him took seriously, but still) and making noise like he had absolutely no inhibitions? If their friends had also seen them earlier, spacing out, giggling at each other uncontrollably, and sighing dreamily… perhaps they would have suspected something. Nobody from their group was seeing this. The two of them continued their chase, laughing and taunting each other.

When Grif got to the door, he paused just barely long enough to reach for the handle… and then Simmons slammed into him, knocking Grif off-balance. Grif didn’t fall, but he missed a beat as Simmons jumped inside, and shut the door, letting out a sound that was some kind of shriek, a mix of panic and delight.

“Hey! Let me in, you cheater!” Grif banged on the door.

“You cheated first!” he heard Simmons reply.

“Yeah, and then you go and stoop to my level? Not very mature, Simmons! You’re supposed to a good boy who follows the rules!” Grif tried the handle and pushed… but the door only moved an inch. Simmons was pushing back, shoulder against it and feet braced firmly.

“Well, I’m a crazy, rebellious, wild-card now! Who knows what I’ll do next! I might rob a bank!” it was hard for both of them to make any progress with the door either way; they were out of breath from running AND couldn’t stop giggling.

“Yeah right! You’d go in, try to yell stick-em up like a little kid, then apologize for raising your voice, and walk out of there with a job application!”

“Nuh-uh! I told you, I’m a loose-cannon now! I’m gonna get a tattoo on my bicep that says Born To Die!” Grif’s knees were turning to jelly at the mental thought of this. It was just too funny. “I’ll start wearing a jean jacket with no shirt all the time! I’m gonna get a faux-hawk and dye my hair neon green! I’m gonna legally change my name to a swear word that’s spelled wrong, like Phuck with a P-H! I’ll pierce my ears and wear little padlocks like earrings!”

“Holy crap, shut up dude!”

“I’m gonna tell Sarge… that I’m on BLUE TEAM NOW!”

Grif collapsed against the door, sliding down as he tried to gasp for air. This was such a ridiculous thing to use as an example of rebellion; Sarge had finally come to terms with the fact that blue wasn’t the color of sin, and Simmons had already gone through a fake-traitor incident with Blue Team. It just didn’t matter anymore… that’s why it was hilarious.

“Sim-Simmons… please just- just let me in, please, I’m dying out here, hahaha!” Grif was reduced to begging, and just hoped Simmons had an ounce of mercy.

“Well… since you said PLEASE…” the door finally opened. Grif found the strength to jump back up and pounce on him.

He grabbed Simmons by the waist, lifting him up off the ground, kicking the door shut. They were both laughing again, and Grif was planning on tossing Simmons into a chair, then maybe flicking him on the forehead as pay-back for the shove earlier… but then they looked at each other. Grif’s arms shifted, now one was under Simmons, supporting him. The other slid up his back, between his shoulders. Simmons kept giggling, leaning back and completely trusting that Grif would hold him up, now slightly hugging Grif with his legs, his hands kneading into Grif’s shoulders. As Grif stared at Simmons’ face, noticing all sorts of little details (the way his organic eye seemed to be lit up with excitement right now, the way he was biting the corner of his lower lip as he smiled, the way his nose wrinkled in an entirely too adorable way each time he quietly snorted with laughter), something happened; Grif felt his mouth water, like it did when he was ready to eat something he knew would be delicious (like his favorite kind of milk chocolate).

He mentally told himself he better swallow all this extra saliva fast, because he was definitely about to kiss Simmons. If he wasn’t careful, a waterfall of drool would pour out of his mouth when he parted his lips, which Simmons would NOT enjoy, and then Grif would have to kill himself, because how pathetic was it to finally start dating the dude you’ve been pining after for about 12 years only to drown him in spit the same day, HORRIBLY pathetic, there was no recovery from that, Grif would simply have to not be alive anymore, and why the hell was this even HAPPENING, Simmons wasn’t CHOCOLATE, why was Grif like this, why was his brain so stupid, why was his MOUTH so stupid, why why WHY-

He gulped just in time. Now it was Simmons’ turn to pounce on Grif, hands slipping up into Grif’s hair, making a soft little sigh as Grif kissed him back.

This was… this was the first time since their conversation about being in love and deciding to date that they were… out of their armor (mostly). The first time they could press their bodies close together and actually FEEL each other. Grif forgot all about the way the muscles in his legs were twitching and ignored the way his lungs burned after all the running… his attention was on Simmons. It was pretty clear that Simmons was also entirely focused on Grif. After a moment, they moved their mouths away from each other, and Grif laughed as his face was peppered with more little kisses, stumbling across the tiny room while trying to find a spot to set Simmons down. He finally leaned Simmons over his own bed, letting him drop onto the mattress. It was a sudden motion, but Simmons didn’t go far, and he kept making amused humming sounds as he bounced when he hit the bed.

“You’d better get the rest of your armor off. Unless you want to sleep in it again,” he told Grif.

“Yeah, that uh… that’s probably a good idea… I’ll do that…” Grif said, feeling light-headed (and once more filled with butterflies).

He was fairly certain Simmons had no clue what he was doing right now… no clue how GOOD he looked, leaning back across the bed, propping himself up with his elbows, hair tousled and messy in kind of a really great way, looking up at Grif so intently, face flushed… all while Grif stood in front of him, stood right between Simmons’ legs that bent over the edge of the bed, feet on the floor… and LITERALLY told Grif to undress. No, Simmons had no clue what he was doing, OR what it was doing to Grif.

Grif stepped back, going over to his bed on the other side of the room (barely 5 feet away). He wasn’t sure if Simmons was going to watch him the whole time he changed… it shouldn’t be so embarrassing; they’d changed in the same room like, a thousand times. They’d shared showers together from training days, to Blood Gulch, and almost every place they stayed (Simmons was always the nervous one about that, making such a big deal about NOT LOOKING or avoiding being LOOKED AT). This was a little different now, though… boyfriends. They were BOYFRIENDS. Grif was suddenly very AWARE of this fact. Grif was also aware that the last time they actually gotten undressed around each other and... and touched... was Chorus (and THAT had all sorts of complicated feelings attached to it, which Grif was in no mood to try and process at the moment, nope).

[tobesobri]

𝒜ll I have to say about this one is..... be prepared nvjknfv

huge massive thank you to the incredible @youresogolden-h for editing ❤️

CHAPTER SIX: DON’T WANT THIS NIGHT TO END (4K)

Harry and Y/N are friends…. with benefits, but not the kinds you’re thinking of.

🥥MASTERLIST 🌃INSPO TAG 🌻ASK TAG 💃PLAYLIST 🛌

She didn’t mean to stare at him all night. She had planned to keep herself as low-key as possible. But that was before the tequila and a highly intriguing game of Cards Against Humanity began.

He’d come home with Will after the studio where they continued to work out whatever song was being chipped away at until they couldn’t handle it anymore and called for a game night. Normally, Y/N didn’t get as into game night as everyone else. She didn’t even like saying half the things on the vulgar card game out loud. She would have signed herself out by now if it wasn’t for the alcohol and Harry. Okay… maybe it was mostly Harry. She didn’t want to bury herself in her room and spend all night wondering when he’d knock on her door. 

Besides, hearing him read aloud cards that mentioned orgasms and furries was much more entertaining. 

And maybe he just hadn’t paid much attention before, but listening to her read cards out loud whenever it was her turn to be the card czar, he became all too well aware of the fact that she skipped right over curse words like they weren’t even there. And come to think of it, he couldn’t ever recall her saying a single ass or fuck or shit ever. Y/N didn’t cuss and he had no clue why it took a stupid game for him to realize that.

But it made him love her even more to the point of spending most of his night wondering why she chose not to. Maybe it was a moral thing, but she didn’t really seem that way to him. Maybe back before he really knew her, he would have thought that. That she was a bit prudish. But knowing everything he did about her now, he hated himself for ever making that snap judgement. So maybe she just simply didn’t like to.

The rest of the night was also spent with stolen glances and a drinking game that consisted of taking a shot every time someone was forced to say the word penis. Which led to all of them getting sufficiently shit-faced faster than anyone had anticipated.

Still, Harry and Y/N’s tipsy eyes found one another quite often when no one else was looking. When everyone was distracted by the game or by something stupid James had said. They shared small smiles across the table from each other and it gave them both butterflies like they were a couple of horny teenagers.

Y/N was up next as Violet proclaimed it to be their last round, mostly because none of them could see straight anymore and the adrenaline from the alcohol had just about worn off by then, leading to them all crashing quickly into exhaustion and grumpiness.

“What’s that smell?” She read the black card out loud after drawing it from the diminishing deck and set it down on the table. It was definitely an interesting one to end on. It had the potential to be good or to go horribly wrong. She listened to the giggles as the others picked out their white response cards and placed them face down on the table in a not-so-neat stack.

Once all the cards were collected, she turned them upside down one by one and read them. The first brought a smile to her face, the second was something she didn’t say out loud but Will did instead and they all lost their shit over it. The next was moderately funny and slightly distasteful. No doubt that had been James’ card. Then there was the last one. 

In bold black letters it read two simple words: Sexual Tension.

She immediately crowned that one as the winner, not because it was the funniest, but because it fit her current predicament quite well. No on else int he room knew it besides them, but she felt it every single fucking time Harry looked at her with those eyes and dimples of his. Maybe it wasn’t sexual tension, but it was some kind of tension. 

And when Harry picked up the winning black card in victory, she gulped the pit in her throat. He was the one to pick that out. He thought it was funny. Did he also think it was relevant? Is that why he thought it was funny?

Either way, he looked at her like it was just the two of them in the room. It was a look similar to all the rest of them. His eyes were a fiery emerald green that complemented the cheeky smirk she would have otherwise wanted to smack off of his face in any other situation. He looked at her like he absolutely played that card on purpose even if he’d never admit to it.

From his eyes, she found herself tracing the outlines of his body like she’d never really done before. She watched his hands as he delicately picked up all the cards near him to begin cleaning off the table; hands that she was all too familiar with but had never really given much thought to, at least not as much as she was giving to them right now. She thought about his touch quite often, mostly when he wasn’t actually around. But seeing his hands now and knowing they’d been on her body at one point or another made her feel all prickly inside. Then there were his tattoos that traveled all the way from his wrist to up under the rolled sleeve of his blouse and to his chest where she knew other ones were scattered about. She only had her blurry memories of them, but she knew they were there. Her mind drifted into uncharted territory when she considered what other tattoos he had in other various locations on his body she had yet to discover.

She snapped out of it when Will nudged her to hand over the hoard of cards in front of her on the table to be placed back into the box. And she was grateful for it. Another second of daydreaming about Harry’s body parts and she wasn’t sure where her mind would have ended up.

Helping clean up was a lot harder than it seemed, especially when she stood from her chair and then fell right back down into it. They all, of course, proceeded to laugh at her. Harry was a little less amused than everyone else. Worry, more than anything, filled his pale features because he’d never seen her that drunk before. And instead of violently laughing at her, he was stopping himself from reaching across the table to help her.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed you fucking lightweight,” Will lifted Y/N from her seat with one hand firmly planted around her waist that left Harry in a pathetic pit of jealousy. He knew he had no reason, but he couldn’t help wishing he was in Will’s shoes. 

But, to all of her roommates, her and Harry were barely even friends. They were supposed to only know very little about each other. They were supposed to not talk much at all. 

He knew that situation was going to drive him crazy sooner or later.

Once Y/N was tucked away, everyone else finished cleaning up. James and Violet turned in shortly after polishing off the last of their drinks and once they were gone, Will began setting up Harry’s usual makeshift bed on the couch. 

He felt terrible about it too, as Will spread a couple blankets down and got pillows in the right order for him, completely unaware of the fact that Harry would not be sleeping there. At least not the entire night. 

Still, he gave Harry a lazy hug goodnight and disappeared into his own room just in time to pass out, head first, onto his bed. Harry was thankful for the alcohol that very clearly proved them all to be lightweights, since they were all out cold within minutes of each other. 

Harry had his own spinning head too, but he wasn’t about to let a little whiskey and tequila stop him from knocking on her door. He did not, however, have the strength to let it stop him from leaning his entire body onto the frame so that when she opened the door, he practically fell into her room.

Steadying him with a giggle, they were then both a sloppy pair of bodies attempting to make it across her room to the bed with as few injuries as possible. And without even thinking, without a single second rational thought, they stood in the middle of her bedroom while she helped him out of his shirt. It was probably the immense amounts of drunk giggling that had them both in a cloud, but once her shaking hands had undone the first two buttons of his top, there was no turning back. 

His smile faded while he watched her get the last few buttons undone, finally having some inkling as to what was going on. She was taking off his shirt and in her next careful, but confident movements, she was sliding it off his shoulders.

After a moment of staring almost mindlessly at his collarbones, they both laughed breathlessly at one another and it eased the tension. She ran her fingers through her hair, giving him some space while he undid his jeans and tugged them off next. He looked even better than he had after showering yesterday, but maybe that was because she was about to get into bed with him just like that. He wasn’t going to change into something else. This was it.

“We’re sleeping or what?” Harry teased when she still hadn’t moved or said anything herself. 

She snapped out of it finally and led the way, crawling under the covers while he fit in beside her just like all the nights before the current one. In a matter of minutes, his hands were around her waist and her face was tucked into his neck, just the way they were used to. It was hotter than before though, literally, and he was thankful to be without his layers of clothes. And when she brushed against him, it was the first time he realized she was without some of her own too. Her typical flannel pants were definitely not what he felt under the blanket. 

Mixing them with alcohol really wasn’t the brightest move. 

But still, they both enjoyed the skin-to-skin contact… almost a little too much. It was better than anything they’d ever done before. She could actually feel every single one of his heart beats and the slightly raised skin of a birthmark under her fingertips. She felt his warmth more than anything else, felt his skin heating up underneath her until his goosebumps melted away. She felt the sometimes soft, sometimes prickly hair on his legs every time they accidentally brushed against each other to get comfortable. She felt the way his muscles flexed under her touch without the fabric of a tee shirt getting in the way. 

Most importantly, she felt the way he still made her feel safe, even when she was intentionally more exposed than she ever had been in front of someone. She always thought it would make her way too anxious to follow through with. But here she was, without pants cuddled up in Harry’s arms and not having a single care in the entire world.

Until, well… until she woke up.

Because at some point during the night, she’d managed to go and wrap her leg around one of his so that when she woke up in a puddle of sweat, there was an even more embarrassing puddle between her legs. 

The dream she’d been having came flashing back in pieces like an old movie she hadn’t seen in a long time. It definitely involved Harry, that much she knew. She could see his eyes, narrowed, taunting her before they disappeared…

Holy shit.

If she was one for vulgarity, she would have quite a few curse words on her tongue in regards to her current situation. A wet dream about Harry while she was currently all wrapped up in him. There was no way he could know about any of it either. It would be hard enough moving on from it herself, but him knowing about it too? Impossible. 

The relationship they’d been building would be ruined. She could never look him in the eye again. She didn’t even know how she would when he eventually woke up.

So slowly as not to bother him, she untangled her leg from him. But even if she was doing so cautiously, it didn’t stop him from flipping positions onto his back and pulling her along with him. She cringed while he did so, up until he settled and she found his face in the darkness to realize he was still asleep. With a breath of relief, she succumbed to her new position curled up into his side with his arm firmly around her shoulders. The second she closed her eyes to forget about everything, however, she saw Harry again. The way he’d looked at her in her dreams, settled between her legs, about to do unholy things she never knew she wanted so badly.

Her eyes shot open again. 

She couldn’t deny she liked Harry, maybe even a little too much for her own good. But wanting him like that? She couldn’t even remember a time she’d ever wanted someone the way she clearly wanted him. She barely remembered the last person she had a crush on, which had been years ago in college. And even then, she never got to the point of being sexually attracted to them. All this time she thought she was broken. Everyone else could go around sleeping with whomever they wanted and she never even had the urge to do so in the first place. 

But here Harry was, breaking down everything she thought she knew about herself. She thought she’d never let anyone close to her again. That she would never trust anyone enough to experience that intimacy. And most importantly, she never thought she’d let herself get fucking aroused by someone who wasn’t a safe distance away from her. 

Every time she even let herself think that way about someone for even a second, it sent her right back to that trauma. Because daydreaming about her Italian Literature TA always led back to things she didn’t want to think about. She couldn’t think about people touching her without also thinking of that night. So, she eventually just stopped thinking about it altogether. 

Then there was Harry. And for some reason he was different, but she had no idea why. Why she found herself indulging in the dream about him, letting her eyes shut and letting Dream Harry do as he pleased. Why none of it was interrupted by her disruptive memories. Why she got lost in the idea of having a real relationship with him and not feeling repulsed by it one bit.

Why she didn’t find herself repulsive. Like he’d somehow screwed her head back onto her body again and she didn’t completely hate every inch of it. She thought about when he’d told her she wasn’t ugly and the way she had brushed him off back then because right now, she believed him. His words had been one thing, but the way he made her feel about herself was another. 

It was comfortable and she’d never really felt that way before when it came to her and relationships and sex (or the idea of it, rather). So when she finally managed to doze off to sleep again, she didn’t feel as bad about the dream or of facing him in just a few hours.

Even so, Sunday morning sharing the close-knit spaces of their kitchen and dining area with Harry and her roommates, hungover, wasn’t the least awkward situation she’d ever been in. Not only did she have to pretend like Harry didn’t spend the night in her bed (and several nights prior), she also had to pretend like she didn’t have a personal epiphany last night brought upon by dreaming of Harry going down on her. 

So there was definitely plenty of awkward to go around. 

Especially when Harry was the first to join her at the table with a mug of freshly brewed coffee and a borrowed bowl of cereal. He’d been out of her room at his usual time, not that it had mattered because he still woke up on the couch before anyone else retreated from their bedrooms. He was slightly salty about the fact that he could have stayed curled up in her warm bed longer, but he knew it was best not to risk it.

They were way too far deep into their secret little situation that telling any one of their mutual friends at this point would just be a bit too weird. 

When he was right in front of her, offering up a quick smile before digging into his Lucky Charms, she stared at him for a while longer. Particularly at his shirt. And the fact that it had been off of him last night. That she’d had him in all his mostly naked glory in her bed and she still had no idea the specifics about any one of his tattoos he had hidden under his black cotton t-shirt. She knew there was a butterfly and some birds but that was about it. And looking for answers on Google about them just didn’t feel right.

But now with his shirt on again, she wondered how long it had taken him to find his clothes scattered about her bedroom floor in the dark after his alarm went off. She wondered if, once the alcohol had sufficiently worn off, he thought that it had been weird the way she undressed him. 

She cleared her throat and focused her attention on her own breakfast of champions when she saw Violet approaching in her peripheral. From then on the most she allowed herself to see of Harry was a quick glance, which she was fine with. Even if she wasn’t stealing all the glances she wanted to, he was close enough so that whenever he moved just the right way she got a whiff of his all-too-familiar cologne. It reminded her, again, of last night and when she'd gone snooping through his bathroom, stealing a whiff of his Tom Ford cologne for her own selfish reasons. She remembered thinking how much better it smelled on him, however.

But it smelled best on her shirt and in her sheets.

“So, Harry, how’s the album going?” Violet asked as she set her plate of eggs and chorizo down, making Y/N’s stomach grumble even though she was on her own second bowl of Lucky Charms. 

Will and James joined shortly after at the table just as Harry gave a bit more of an answer besides his usual shrug. “It’s uh… going.”

“He has half a song written, that’s how it’s going.” Will answered bluntly instead, knowing Harry would never admit to his recent struggles with writing.

Violet still looked impressed though, “Is it at least a good half of a song?”

“Honestly, it’s strong enough to be a single if Harry can get his shit together and finish it.” Will teased while Harry rolled his eyes. Despite Will’s picking at him, however, Harry felt a little better seeing Violet's eyes go round out of excitement.

“That’s good! You need to stop pressuring him, Will.” Violet pointed an accusatory fork at her roommate. “It’ll come when it comes.”

“As long as it comes before the deadline.” Will mumbled under his breath which caused Violet to chuck a balled up napkin at his face.

Laughs sounded from all around the table, offending Will even further. “I hate y’all, I hope you know that.”

“Anyways,” Violet started, changing the subject, “Y/N I feel like last night was the first time I saw you in weeks. I don’t think it’s healthy staying at your coworker’s place all the time and not coming home, you’re going to turn into a workaholic and then we really will never see you.”

There was another braved glance at Harry, who was already looking at her with those stupid green eyes of his as if he had no idea why she hadn’t been coming home lately.

“I, uh… it’s just easier. It’s been really busy since we got this new client.” She saw him in her peripheral vision, his dimples reappearing as he tried to hide the little smirk on his face because of course he knew she was lying. And of course he enjoyed it. He oddly enjoyed being her little secret, even if just last night he was wishing he wasn’t. 

“That or she’s been seeing someone and lying to us.” James spoke up for the first time all morning and everyone’s eyes darted straight to him.

She couldn’t help her cheeks from heating up, even though she knew what James had offered wasn’t true. Well, at least not in the way he meant. She was seeing someone, but not like that.

Violet gasped dramatically, “I hadn’t thought of that!” And then pointed her accustory, big brown eyes at Y/N again, “You have a fucking boyfriend, don’t you?”

She tried not to look at Harry, she tried really fucking hard, but to her defense, he was looking first. And when she glanced at him, he didn’t even try to hide the smirk on his face while he chewed on his Lucky Charms. He was just as amused by all this as her roommates were.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” Y/N mumbled, not really feeling up for defending herself at the moment.

“Yes you fucking do, you’re blushing!” Violet exclaimed, pushing every single one of Y/N’s buttons the only way Violet knew how to. 

It wasn’t even that Y/N felt embarrassed, that she wouldn’t just tell them if she was seeing someone, but it made her uncomfortable in ways she couldn’t even explain.

“I don’t have a fucking boyfriend.” 

All four of them immediately stopped laughing. They didn’t even make a single noise. Harry’s smile dropped from his face faster than any of the others. Not only had he never heard her utter a single cuss word before, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard her voice get that loud. 

And she left all of them in shock too, taking her bowl of leftover milk to the sink before disappearing into her bedroom. 

“Guess she doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Violet muttered under her breath as if Y/N might still hear her.

“Why do you always do that? You know she hates it when you talk about that kind of stuff.” Will defended, angry eyes mostly pointed toward Violet, but James got a little bit of his vengeance as well for being the one who started it in the first place. And suddenly Harry began to understand Y/N’s sudden outburst a little more clearly.  

“Maybe if she wasn’t so uptight all the time, she would actually get a boyfriend and stop being so damn sensitive about it.”

Will shook his head in disbelief, glancing at Harry quickly, like whatever he wanted to say, he knew he couldn’t. Not in front of Harry. So instead, Will sighed and shook his head, returning his attention to his breakfast, “You really need to just shut up sometimes, Vi. Especially when it comes to things you know nothing about.”

Harry sat close-lipped and lost in thought. He wondered if whatever Will wouldn’t say in front of him was something he already knew about Y/N. That maybe the mere mention of relationships made her uncomfortable because of what happened to her. 

And then Harry ventured further into overthinking it when he considered the fact that Will might know more about Y/N’s past than he did, that maybe there was more to her story. He hated feeling like he needed to know everything, because the fact was that he only needed to know what she chose to share with him.

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[thebatmarino]

The DCEU’s next Batman should be played by Dick Grayson

Batman and Robin.  Words that have gone together like Peanut Butter and Jelly for around 80 years.  Everybody in the world knows that Batman’s younger sidekick is Robin. Many know that Robin is Dick Grayson, fewer know that Dick grew up to become Nightwing, and even fewer still that he has spent time as Batman. With the recent activity in DC film, I want to talk about my favorite superhero, what makes him great, and most importantly, why I believe Dick Grayson is the answer to the DCEU’s Bat situation. To start, we’re going to rewind to 1940, when Robin was introduced to the world in Detective Comics #38.

Batman was created in 1939.  A grim figure of the night, Batman spoke very little, a trait that has held through to this day. At the time however, legend has it that Bill Finger and Bob Kane were tired of drawing thought bubbles for him, so they needed to give him someone to talk to.  But who? Well, Batman was a Sherlock Holmesian figure, it was Detective Comics after all, so they needed to give him a Watson.  A character who’s intelligent, capable, and a proxy for the readership so they can join Batman on his adventures. The readership at the time (target readership, we know girls love and read comics too, but this was 1940) was 12 year old boys, and who might they look up to? Robin Hood starring Errol Flynn came out in 1938, he seems pretty cool. And a Robin keeps up the motif of flying animal that Batman started.  And there you have it, Robin the Boy Wonder was born.

The creation of Robin is also the birth of the Teenage Sidekick. Since then, every teen sidekick from Bucky to Kid Flash owes a debt to the creation of Robin.  As more and more sidekick characters populated the comic scene, something happened at DC Comics in particular that is one of my favorite things about the brand: the idea of Legacy Characters.

Consider the Justice League for a moment. Let’s look at the big 6: Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Flash, and Aquaman.  These characters are the Greek Gods reborn.  They are iconic, they are mythological.  Each one of them proudly displays a symbol that they adhere to.  “I believe in love and equality”, “There is hope for everyone”, “I will drag myself through Hell for justice”, “by force of will, I will overcome all fear to save the world”, “I will always make time to help people”, “I will be the great uniter of disparate people”, or whatever you interpret the thesis of these characters to be. They are perfect embodiments.  The problem with perfection is that real people can’t attain that.  We can try.  We can stumble and fall. And that is exactly what the Legacy Characters attempt to be. These characters are absolute representations in ways that humans are generally not. They are aspirational.  That’s why there’s merchandise out the wazzu (do people still say that?), so you can see a person on the street with that Green Lantern symbol and know that person wants to overcome fear.

Dick Grayson was the first.  For many years Dick was happily Robin, going on strange adventures with Batman and friends, whupping ass in green short pants. He even formed a team of sidekicks, known as the Teen Titans along with Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Speedy.  All teenagers struggling to live up to their “parents”.  These perfect people who’s symbols they have taken as their own and sworn to uphold.  Then something interesting happened.  In 1984, in Tales of the Teen Titans #44, Dick Grayson debuted his Nightwing persona.

Dick Grayson had been growing up.  Which is a thing yet again, never done in comics before.  For some time now, a rift had been growing between the Dark Knight and his Squire. Dick had gone off to college, formed his own super-team, and was going through the typical growing pains of a young person trying to step out on their own. No longer feeling the identity of his 12 year old fancies were fitting, he picked an adult, darker name that still reflected and honored where where he came from (the origins of this name are toyed with and retconned, but the connections between Bats and Wings of the Night cannot be denied).

As Nightwing, Dick Grayson was his own man, ran his life and heroics how he saw fit, and most importantly, didn’t answer to Batman.  Until Knightfall happened.  In the events of this story, Bane broke Bruce’s spine, resulting in Bruce choosing a man named Jean-Paul Valley as the new Batman.  Jean-Paul went nutso and nearly killed Bane and begun a reign of hyper-vigilante terror in Gotham, so Bruce badassed his way back to walking because comic books, and whupped his ass.  Before restoring himself as the one true Batman, Bruce asked the one man qualified in all the world to take up the mantle to do so: Dick Grayson.  Yet again, we have a comic book first: a legacy character fulfilling their legacy. This didn’t last long however, Bruce did what he had to do, and Dick dutifully (and reluctantly) filled in as long as required.

Nightwing then got a brilliant solo series by Chuck Dixon and Scott McDaniel, which to this day is probably the most influential run on the character. Before we move on in his publication history though, I think it’s important to understand WHO Dick is, and WHY he is.  After all, what makes this 12 year old boy so special that he becomes Batman’s right hand man in a war on crime?

Richard John Grayson, aka Dick, was born to John and Mary Grayson of the legendary Flying Graysons of Haly’s Circus.  The reason they were legendary was because they flew without the safety of a net.  Dick grew up on the trapeze with no net.  No fear, no cares in the world, except being a child star performer. After a mob boss tries to unsuccessfully extort money from the circus, they murder the Graysons by tampering with the trapeze before Dick’s very eyes. The young orphan was observed by another orphan in the crowd, Bruce Wayne, who took him in.  It wasn’t really successfully explained why a 12 year old seemed okay to take out fighting crime until the two part episode of Batman: The Animated Series, Robin’s Reckoning. Like a young Bruce, Dick was consumed with his parents’ murder.  Each night, unfulfilled by the guardianship of an absentee Bruce Wayne, Dick would sneak out and try to track down leads on his parents’ killer.  Eventually he got in over his head and Batman bailed him out and returned him to the Batcave. This boy knew no fear.  He would return to the streets night after night.  He would get himself killed.  Unless he was trained how to not die by a certain… bat themed expert at not-getting-killed-by-criminal-scum.  Bruce revealed his identity to Dick, which also explained why he was busy so much of the time, and in the Batcave, Dick swore an oath by candlelight to uphold justice and everything Batman stood for. The training was gruelling. Probably inhumane. But eventually Dick was allowed to accompany Batman on the streets as his sidekick.

Dick Grayson was saved by Bruce Wayne. Where Bruce was in uncharted territory sorting his rage, vengeance, and pain, Dick Grayson had a guide.  A Mentor.  Someone who had been exactly where he was, and could keep him from being consumed by darkness.  And that’s reflected in their uniforms.  The bright boy and the dark man. Adding to that, the Wayne’s murderer got away. There will be no vengeance or justice for Batman, just a gaping wound.  Dick got justice for his parents. He saw that what they did worked, and that he could keep doing it for other people.  Whereas Batman is driven by a desire to hurt those who hurt others, Dick is here to help.  That’s something Tom King wrote into his character over and over during his run, the words “how can I help”.  And if you look at the jobs he’s held down since striking out on his own: Police Officer, Guidance Counselor, Personal trainer, even bartending at a cop bar where he could give these guys relief (as well as pick up some leads) are all acts of service towards others.  Which when the time came, made him a very different Batman.

The time eventually came.  Bruce Wayne was “dead” (as dead as anyone is in comics), and Gotham City was in chaos. Initially Bruce left instructions for Dick not to become Batman. Because Nightwing was strong enough.  He was his own man and Bruce believed in what he was doing.  However, Gotham needs Batman, the symbol.  And for the first time truly, not just putting on the cape and cowl, but deep in his bones, Dick Grayson became Batman. Fulfilling the legacy.  He is not Bruce Wayne, just like we cannot be Bruce Wayne, but he can do his best to live up to what the symbol of The Batman means to him, just like us.  Which brings me to where Dick Grayson is the future of the cinematic Batman franchise.

Over the last few years, we are experiencing a massive shift in how our male heroes are percieved.  In the 80s which gave birth to Dark Knight Returns, a huge influence on the DCEU Batman, we saw a trend of hypermasculinity in our heroes.  They were JACKED, strong, fearless, .50 Cal from the hip, Macho Men, stoic badasses that were too busy punching out teeth and blowing shit up to feel sissy-ass feelings.  And that is where Batman has lived for years in comic continuity. He doesn’t say I love you, he doesn’t hug, he doesn’t feel feelings, he’s a rage-powered badass dressed all in black that kicks in criminals’ kneecaps because he probably kind of likes it.  At the end of the day, you read enough of these comics and question whether or not Batman is actually a good man. Is he doing this to save the day, or inflict pain? Probably some of both.

As we survey the current landscape of masculinity, of heroism, of feminism, it’s important to question our heroes. It’s important to question, is this the ideal that we want people to strive for? In Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice, we saw that Frank Miller Dark Knight Returns in all his glory.  In my opinion, Ben Affleck’s portrayal of Batman was my favorite thing about that film. He was deliciously brutal, he was stubborn in his righteousness, he was extreme in his methodology, he was....murdering people? He was losing himself.  He was so caught up in his need for violence, his need for war that he attempted to murder superman with a freaking spear. I suspect Justice League was intended to have a more redemptive arc for the demon he had become, but in any case, he has still become a monster.  He has dwelled in hell so long that he has become the very type of devil he sought to destroy.

The best thing for Bruce Wayne would be to leave this life behind somehow. Pass the cowl on to the man who he trained for this very purpose. A hero that exemplifies modern healthy masculinity.  Who can say “I love you”, who wants to seek justice more than vengeance, who can maintain healthy friendships and relationships, who believes in kindness, friendship, and laughter.  I think it is time for Dick Grayson to take his place in cinematic history as Batman.

That doesn’t even touch upon the fact that the DCEU Batman is around 45 years old.  While incredible and imaginative, they’ve set him at a natural age to retire from jumping off rooftops and withstanding repeated head trauma. If you look at Batman as a pro athlete, you simply do not see them at his age and doing tremendously well.  Which when your sport is dodging gunfire and acting as bait for super aliens so other super aliens can clobber them, is not great.  I think DC Entertainment is looking for ways to have a more youthful Batman, and I believe Dick Grayson is part of that natural path.

And that doesn’t mean we won’t have Bruce Wayne stories.  As the news has just dropped, Matt Reeves is telling his own young Bruce tales.  But as far as the Batman that stands shoulder to shoulder with Wonder Woman, and Superman?  Here we have a young man in Dick Grayson coming into his own as a hero on the world’s stage, just like Diana and Clark.  A young man with the strategic mind of Batman, the physical training, the gadgets, resources, but without the blinding rage, pain, and cynicism.  A superhero that looks at the world and wants to genuinely help people. Not out of a deep psychological need to harm those who harmed him, but because he was broken and then saved, and he can do that for other people.  Being a good person is all the superpower you need. As a culture, I believe those are the heroes we need right now. And as for Dick Grayson, he’s a born showman, and I think it’s time for him to take the stage.

[dietsauthority]

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[imsarabum]

{PART 24} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; Despite everything that has gone wrong for you; you feel like life might start to have a better outlook as Jungkook takes all measures to keep you safe. However, a storm is coming; one that grips and pulls at the strongest winter coat...before you find yourself making the biggest mistake of your life to date.

“The lull, or the calm before the storm took it’s place in the atmosphere, in both of their hearts and their minds. ‘Tread carefully’ he warned her, but she slipped from his grasp the moment he blinked”

Not rated M, but be warned there are some scenes of a suggestive sexual nature.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time) 

{Part 1} // {Part 23} {Part 24} {Part 25}

Going to sleep and waking up the next morning, while it certainly helped you clear your head and rid you of the tiredness that habituated every single cell in your body; you awoke with your mind full of more questions for Jungkook about his world. Which of course, he was more than happy to address – even as you both lay wrapped up in each other’s limbs in his bed during the early hours of the current Sunday morning.

At first, you found yourself feeling quite ambivalent in the wake of Jungkook informing you that Vampires didn’t sleep – never had, and never will. When you asked him what he did when he lay beside you as you slept, he replied “Is it creepy to know that I take comfort in your peacefulness – gazing upon your slumbering face?” before he proceeded to laugh at your mouth as it hung open while you thought about the image of him staring at you and nothing else for over six hours at a time. Soberly, he told you that yes – he couldn’t help but watch you from time to time as you slept beside him. Sometimes, he lay with you in his arms and closed his eyes, wondering what you were dreaming about – if you were dreaming at all. And other times, he would pull out his work phone and draft emails that needed to be sent the next day come 9am; ever the typical businessman, or business Vampire, however one saw fit to see it.

As you both descended the stairs to the kitchen a few hours later, and as Jungkook took it upon himself to make you a breakfast fit for kings consisting of bacon, eggs, sausages, toast and beans; a thought from your night of passion came back to you – and you certainly didn’t hesitate to ask him.

“If...for talk’s sake, I were to – you know, become pregnant” you swallowed, seeing what you noticed to be a shimmer of happiness floating amidst Jungkook’s eyes as he concentrated on perfecting your hard boiled eggs. “Am I correct in assuming that our child be half human, half Vampire?” you asked.

“Certainly not” he replied with a shake of his head as he turned down the temperature of the saucepan. “While you exist in a human form, (Y/N), you are a domitor. As Taehyung mentioned, your internal build-up is completely different from that of a human, my love. If anything, it would be more half Vampire, half domitor” he paused as he directed his gaze to you. “But ultimately...I have no idea. Like my mother said last night, you are simply uncharted territory when it comes to our full knowledge of you. It seems that Vampires still have a lot to gain and learn from domitors” he smiled a smile so sweet and excitable that it made your heart race as he placed your breakfast in front of you. At the present moment in time, Jungkook did not wish to inform you of what could happen if a Vampire and a human were to create their own offspring. This was for many reasons, but the biggest ones were the fact you were in effect, a domitor – not a human. And the other? He didn’t want to completely put you off your breakfast.

“I apologise if my culinary skills are lacking. But...I will try to dedicate more time to perfecting them for you. I promise.” he bit his lip a fraction as you tasted one of his grilled sausages.

“Well – I’m not dead yet so, you’re not totally banjaxed” you giggled as he gave you a look of complete confusion.

“...banjaxed? Are you sure that’s even a word?” he raised his eyebrow coyly at you as he leaned over the island in the middle of the kitchen – resting his chin upon his hand as he playfully leered deep into your eyes.

“It means like – broken. Completely ‘fucked’, to put it in a more common light. I heard it in a movie once~” you fired back at him as you took a sip on the freshly brewed coffee you had made while Jungkook had prepared your breakfast. He chuckled to himself – secretly admiring how you could be so wonderful and eloquent with your words, whilst being finely uncouth and unapologetic, too.

Your lazy Sunday with Jungkook consisted of deep conversation about the world as you knew it – and the world that you had just been introduced to. During this time, you accompanied Jungkook on a walk throughout his estate. And as you both strolled alongside each other through the woods behind the estate walls, another question came to your mind.

“Why is it that Vampires who are not regium have to ask for permission to walk upon sacred ground? I always assumed from books and T.V that it was just Vampires who had to ask before going into a human’s house?” you looked up to him as you felt his fingers interlaced with yours tighten slightly.

“It’s just the way it has always been. Think of it like a creed of trust; like a pact that says ‘I trust you to come into my home, please honour this vow’ way of thinking. And, you’re not wrong (Y/N) – for that part of pop-culture is certainly true for Vampires when it comes to humans.” he paused as you both reached the small, babbling brook in the middle of his forest. Jungkook took a seat on one of the rocks that lined the stream – motioning for you to sit down atop of his lap as his arms snaked themselves around your waist, pulling you in tightly to him. “I don’t know if you may recall, but the very first time I visited your home...do you remember my hesitation to enter?”

You thought back to that night when you invited Jungkook in for coffee – remembering his dishevelled indifference as you recalled his extreme hesitation when it came to walking through your door. “So...that’s why he was being like that?” you smirked as you shook your head playfully, rolling your eyes as you both continued to smile at each other. “What would happen if a Vampire were to enter a human’s place without their consent?”

Jungkook pursed his lips together, looking off to his left before trailing his line of sight back to you.

“Boom~” he raised his voice in a playful manner, squeezing your mid-section and making you jump a little whilst eliciting a nervous giggle from you – almost as if you didn’t believe him entirely. “I’m serious though. If a Vampire were to walk into a humans home uninvited – and the same goes for a humani generis who walks into a regium’s home uninvited; everything within the vicinity would be blown into the next dimension. That’s just the way it is, I’m afraid” he returned to speaking in a more than serious tone, letting you know that he was absolutely speaking the truth as you mulled over that terrifying notion.

“And also...I do have a rather terrible confession to make” Jungkook eyes cast themselves downwards as he felt more than guilty about something that was obviously bothering him – ultimately capturing your interest. “On the night you and I returned from the Italian restaurant...remember how your apartment got flooded?” his voice was low – almost shy.

“...yes? Wait – come to think of it, you were awake when you pulled me on top of you?! Jungkook!” you slapped his chest while thinking back to your innocent mind just assuming that he had done what he had done due to his subconscious slumbering state.

“Well yes, but...I’m more so talking about the actual flooding itself...you see; I – I may have had a hand in the waterlogged destruction of your home, (Y/N)” you couldn’t believe his words – nor could you believe he was actually admitting to it either.

“...did you have a reason to?” you asked quietly – your question almost taking Jungkook aback as he expected you to get angry; and that anger would certainly have been entitled.

“I don’t wish to dampen our day, but the reason I did what I did was because you were in danger. I knew that Yoongi had been in the area. Mugsy managed to swipe at his face and I could pick up on his fowl scent from Mugsy’s claws. At first, I thought Yoongi’s business was with me. Little did I know...it was you he was after from the very beginning. I didn’t tell you because...well – I’m sure you can understand why?” he placed his hand right on top of your cheek as he looked straight into your eyes with such genuine, apologetic earnestness.

“I was afraid he would say that” you winced to yourself. “You’ve been looking out for me and protecting me this entire time...and I didn’t even know it. But; I’m glad I know now.” You nodded your head, understanding why he was forced to commit such rash actions given such a short space of time. Of course, you were to a degree more or less annoyed that your apartment had to suffer...but would you have believed Jungkook if he had told you the truth then? You couldn’t have been sure.

“You are? Why?” he inclined his head a fraction – his dark pools peering at you from beneath his long eyelashes that made your pulse quicken.

“Because now I can protect you too – because I know everything now. I know that you had no other choice, so...I guess you’re forgiven” you took both of his cheeks in-between your hands and squished his face together – making yourself laugh at just how cute he was. “Wait – hang on, you said that Mugsy took a swipe at Yoongi? What do you mean?” you suddenly remembered your cat being brought up in conversation. As Jungkook proceeded to tell you that regium Vampires can communicate with animals via their thoughts due to their shared affinities, you had been subjected to so much disbelief that hearing such an outlandish claim seemed like nothing – in comparison to finding out about the existence of Vampires.

“Mugsy had informed me that a rogue had been stalking your home. He managed to strike Yoongi with his claws to warn him to stay away; and in turn, the smell it left behind alerted me to the dangers that were being imposed on you. In effect, I’m rather grateful for Mugsy’s assistance” Jungkook’s voice became sombre and sincere as he nuzzled his nose against yours. “I know that all of this must be so hard for you to take in. But you have no idea how much it means to me that...that you accept me, despite everything.”

You pressed your lips to his – inviting him to partake in delicate, slow kisses shared between you both as all you could hear was the sound of your own heartbeat ringing in your ears, mixed with the flow of the brook in the background. “It might seem weird for me to say this, but actually; you have become easier to understand since I know the truth about you. Beforehand, I just thought that you acted the way you acted because that was just you, and you didn’t know how to express yourself properly. But, now I realise that there was so much underneath your surface – and I’m happy that you trusted me enough to let me inside” you freely expressed how you felt to Jungkook beneath the thousands of leaves adoring the trees overhead; something that Jungkook loved infinitely about you – that you weren’t afraid to speak from the depths of your heart.

The day drew to a close – as Jungkook sat beside you in his grand living room with both of you watching the lowering of the burning sun setting fire to the sky; producing beautiful oranges and purples in her wake. As you both found yourself in deep intellectual conversation about UV rays and Vampires, Jungkook’s mobile phone rang – causing both to jump a little.

“Hello, mother” Jungkook spoke upon answering the phone – before he took it away from his ear and placed her on loudspeaker.

“Thank you darling – hello (Y/N); how are you this evening?” Serrena’s velvet voice sounded through the phone as you replied that you were doing just fine.

“That’s great to hear – I’m glad the both of you are doing well” she paused, before taking a breath and letting her voice take a more informative tone. “Anyway, the reason for my calling is to tell you both that Yoongi’s trial will be held in a few days in front of the Eternal Kingdom’s counsel and public jury. He is still being held securely at his parent’s Mansion so there’s no need to be afeared of his escape”

“What about his three friends? The other rogues?” Jungkook asked immediately as his arm pulled you in even closer to his body.

“Hmm, yes – Namjoon, Seokjin and Hoseok are all being detained by the Montgomery’s offsite at one of their other estates. I’ve been assured they have all been separated for security purposes” she replied, but your mind lingered on the mention of the name ‘Montgomery.’

“Montgomery...isn’t that the name of one of the Jeon’s contracted consumers?” you raised the question immediately.

“Yes, (Y/N) – you’re correct. Yoongi’s family, the Montgomery’s are contracted consumers of the Jeon’s. But...they don’t buy medical equipment from the company; as I’m sure you can deduct?” Jungkook replied, before his mother continued.

“That’s right. The Montgomery’s are just one of countless Vampiric families who purchase our manufactured blood, my dear.”

“So that’s why the file was so secretive” you nodded your head slowly as you couldn’t help but think back to your previous encounter with Mr. Brown who was adamant on getting his hands on the file in question. “Did he know? Was he looking for information?” you couldn’t form a clear answer – deciding to probe Jungkook’s thoughts later at a more appropriate time.

“Thank you for getting in contact with us mother” Jungkook smiled into the phone after gently giving you a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“Of course darling. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. That includes you, (Y/N)!”

After saying goodbye, Jungkook hung up and placed his phone back on the coffee table in front of you both, before you took it upon yourself to snuggle further into him on the sofa that he had previously thrown across the living room the very first night you kissed him.

“You know, despite the graveness of the predicament we both find ourselves in; I’m rather looking forward to staying at home and being like this with you until the trial is over” Jungkook breathed in your scent as he held you close to him – relishing in the delicious, soothing feeling of your skin against his, the comforting sound and beating of your heart and the warmth of your entire body in general.

“...what do you mean?” you asked, perplexed by what he meant as you looked up from beneath his chin.

“Well, I’ve decided to take time away from the office to stay with you here at the Manor until everything is sorted out” he replied with his eyes closed – as if he truly looked happy and peaceful; but you sat up to glare at him regardless.

“Jungkook” you began, causing him to open his eyes to see your more than cute glare on you face as he smiled without meaning to. “I appreciate you wanting to stay at home with me – but seriously, you said it yourself. I am safe behind these walls. There’s no reason for you to stay here and babysit me. I already feel useless enough without you having to stay cooped up in here too” you pressed your hands to his chest to try and get him to see reason. For a moment, you spied what you thought to be a devilish glint in your Vampiric boyfriend’s eyes. “He’s teasing me...” you scoffed.

“You mean, you don’t want me to stay here with you? All day...? The things we could get up to...the things we could do to pass the time...doesn’t it sound nice, (Y/N)?” his voice dropped several decibels as he narrowed his eyes – trapping his lip between his teeth while his hands placed themselves on top of yours; smirking at you the entire time. Alas, you weren’t so easy as you took it upon yourself to challenge his flirtatious words.

“Oh really?” you questioned, positioning yourself above him as you straddled his waist – taking his hands and pinning them to the arm of the sofa; eliciting an airy chuckle of humour to escape Jungkook’s lips while he watched you with curious eyes. “You talk a mighty fine talk, my Prince” you began slowly grinding your hips into his – watching his face contort in hedonism in reaction to the feeling you gave him between his legs. “I wish my Prince would stop all this idle talk and show me...right now...the things we won’t get up to while he’s off work; seeing as he will be going to work. Because when he comes home each day...” you paused, leaning down into his ear and letting your lips ghost over his lobe as you whispered seductively;

“...I can show him how much I’ve missed him all day – how much I needed him...for absence not only makes the heart grow fonder; it makes the body so wild it goes insane” your words produced an excited whimper to pass Jungkook’s lips as he couldn’t believe your boldness – your persuasive sexiness that reduced him to grind back into you to meet your slow movements on him. Jungkook opened his eyes before you felt him lift you with force, rolling you over and pushing you down into the sofa where he previously lay – making you giggle and coo in delight as you heard him growl deeply in your ear;

“You’re in trouble now, little madam.”

Monday morning came after another night of Jungkook pushing you towards several highs in several different locations throughout his Manor– starting with the living room, going on to against one of the walls in his hallway, and ending in his bedroom as it usually did. Currently, you found yourself standing once again in Jungkook’s kitchen – the time being 7:30am as you stood with your arms folded, a single eyebrow raised and your foot tapping on the floor while Jungkook finished up putting a list of emergency contacts in your mobile phone.

“Alright, so if there’s an emergency, tell me again what you will do” Jungkook handed you your phone before he began putting on his black Armani work jacket over his broaden shoulders.

“If there’s any emergency, I will call you straight away” you sighed, your voice half sarcastic, half playful as you watched him fuss over you like a mother hen would over her chicks.

“I will have my phone on my person at all times on ‘loud’. But – if you can’t reach me, then –“

“Then my next move will be to ring Taehyung. If I can’t reach Taehyung, I try Jimin. If I can’t get in contact with Jimin, I call your mother. Jungkook – is this necessary?” you laughed – straining your voice while leaning against the kitchen island in defeat. Jungkook turned to face you, wrapping his arms around your body and holding you tightly in his grasp. He knew that he was being overprotective – overreacting to a certain degree. But in his mind, he wanted to eliminate all the possibilities of you not knowing what to do should you encounter any kind of problem by yourself.

“I just want you to know that you’re safe. I just needed to know that you know what to do if a situation arises. I know I’m being annoying, and I don’t care. Kiss me – please?” Jungkook’s behaviour was manically endearing in a way as his needy lips found yours and encapsulated you in a heated kiss.

“You’re so adorable when you’re needy...the Prince of Vampires; an emotional, needy mess for his domitor lover” you giggled at him in jest, watching him roll his eyes as he thought to himself – “It’s funny, because it’s absolutely true”

Jungkook stepped back from you, grabbing his briefcase and his keys before doing a final check to make sure he had everything he needed. “And remember to make yourself lunch and snack plenty throughout the day. The fridge is full as are the cupboards – and don’t forget to drink lots of –“ you cut him off with another kiss to his lips, silencing his worried babbling.

“...water” he finished his sentence upon you breaking the kiss – both of you smiling at each other; you in disbelief and he in fretful silence.

“I’ll walk you to the door, shall I?” you held out your hand for him to take as you both began making your way out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Jungkook sighed upon reaching the front door – watching you opening it wide to let the chilly, dewy morning air nip at your bare legs underneath one of his slept-in white shirts you wore.

“Stay warm, okay?” he turned to face you, giving you an ethereal smile that instantly caused you to grin like the fourteen year old school-girl he always reduced you to.

“Drive safe. I love you~” you stood on your tip toes to gift him one last kiss to his lips as a means to say farewell. You could really feel in that moment how Jungkook savoured every second of your love for him – the slight gasp of air he inhaled through his nose as he took in your scent; while you did the same for him, taking in the attractive aroma of his cologne he frequently wore, ‘Mont Blanc.’

Jungkook nodded and smiled at you as he leaned back – not wanting to leave, but knowing that you would have more or less kicked him out the door if he lingered for a moment longer. “I love you too, stay safe.” He squeezed your hand, before stepping outside and walking the short walk to his car that was parked just down from the steps that led up to his Manor door.

“See you when you get home!” you called out, waving goodbye to him as he opened his car door after unlocking it – watching you as you closed the Manor door behind you.

“I’ll miss you” he thought quietly, smiling as he lowered himself down into his car. Soon after, you observed him through the living room window as he took off in the direction of the front gates – before speeding off down the long country roads that led into the city; and the gates closing shut behind him. For the first time ever, you were alone in Jungkook’s Manor. For a moment, the silence was almost deafening as you realised that you would truly be all on your own all day; but you didn’t let it discourage you in the slightest. With a determined sigh, you began striding towards the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. As you did – you spotted Mugsy come bounding in behind you; his black and yellow eyes gleaming at you as he sat at your feet.

“Hello Mugsy~” you cooed, lowering yourself down on to your hunkers to tickle his ears. “You know, Jungkook told me something very interesting about you...” you smiled to him – knowing that he could absolutely hear what you were saying as Mugsy proceeded to let a little meow escape him, along with a slow blink.

“You really do care about me, don’t you? Otherwise, why would you have told Jungkook about Yoongi?” you said aloud, not being sure if you were really asking Mugsy the question or just talking to yourself to dull the silence. But to your surprise, Mugsy began purring – making you smile in delight.

“Aww, I knew you weren’t such an asshole cat; come here!” you picked him up – nuzzling your face into his fur as Mugsy meowed back as if to agree with your sentiments exactly. Little did you know, Mugsy was probably just begging for you to desist with your overflowing affection and hurry up on fixing him something to eat instead.

You finished not one, but two bowls of cereal – while flicking through a random poetry book that Jungkook recommended to you previously, when you decided to take a lone walk through the Manor; essentially, trying to get a nice snoop without feeling like you were invading too much of Jungkook’s privacy. After running some tap water into the bowl and leaving it in the sink, you turned to Mugsy who was still chowing down on his food in his bowl.

“I’m gonna take a dander through the Manor. Wanna come with?” you asked, to which Mugsy never lifted his head as he continued to enjoy his breakfast.

“Have it your way then!” you chirped as you took off down one of the many hallways that Jungkook’s Manor consisted of. You had previously been given a thorough tour of his home by none other than Jungkook himself, but your hungry mind still delved for more than maybe the eye could see at a first glance. You thought that perhaps, now with more knowledge about Jungkook’s life than before, you might possibly be able to pick up on something you would have otherwise missed due to your blissful ignorance. And with that, you decided to make your way to his library; truly feeling like Belle wandering the beast’s castle. Except Jungkook was certainly no beast to you as there was no ‘forbidden west wing’ he kept you locked out of...and deep down; you truly hoped that your story would have a happy ending – just as Belle’s did.

Meanwhile, Jungkook felt antsy at his desk; constantly fidgeting and looking at his phone despite his mountain of work he had laid out in front of him. When he looked at his phone, half of him hoped to see a message from you - but the other half felt relieved when there was none because it meant that nothing was wrong.

“No news is good news. She could at least text me though...” he pined for you longingly. When asked by a few staff members of your whereabouts, he informed them that you felt slightly under the weather – but telling them not to worry for your well-being as you were being cared for diligently; which seemed to cease their questions and put their minds at rest. And as the hours ticked by painfully slowly, all Jungkook could think about was racing home to be with you once again – like the complete love-struck spring chicken you had reduced him to.

As the grandfather clock in the room let you know it had just turned 3pm with its cheery chime, you found yourself lazing in one of Jungkook’s smaller living spaces on the ground floor of his Manor; which so happened to be equipped with a 70 inch widescreen T.V mounted on one of the walls that allowed you to watch old reruns of Grey’s Anatomy in beautiful HD undisturbed. Despite being alone, you didn’t really feel lonely, as you had never been the type of person who constantly needed to be in the company of others to entertain yourself. Quite frankly, you thought that you had spent a rather productive day with your adventures in Jungkook’s large library – finding countless good reads that you planned to dissect as the days went by. Admittedly, you did find yourself thinking about Yoongi; what he might have been doing at the present moment in time, what his train of thought might be. Did he know he would die for his sins? Did he know that you now knew everything? Questions that would never be given answers – yet sometimes, some questions were better off not being answered; as you truly began wondering if you would want to hear them in the first place.

Just as you were about to get sucked into yet another episode of Grey’s Anatomy, you jumped at the sound of your mobile phone ringing louder than usual as you forgot that Jungkook had previously amped the volume up the whole way to its limit. You fumbled for the cursed thing – before seeing Taehyung’s name on the screen as the caller ID. You knew that Jungkook had informed Taehyung ahead of time about the ‘emergency’ plans, so you knew he already had your number. Hesitantly, you answered his call, fearing the worst possible reason for him calling you.

“Hello? Tae?” you asked in a quiet voice.

“Hello (Y/N), how are you my little butterfly?” his usual happy voice sounded into your ear that dispelled your worries of something bad having happened to cause him to call – but you still questioned him nonetheless.

“I’m alright...is everything okay? Nothing’s happened, right? You’re okay? Jimin’s okay? Jungkook is fine, isn’t he?” you blurted out all at once as you muted the television and took to your feet.

“Everything is fine darling – don’t worry!” he laughed, causing you to feel much more at ease as you began smiling, laughing at yourself for becoming so uptight and worried for no reason.

“Listen dear, Jimin and I decided to pay you a visit. We’re at the front gate in my Landrover...do you mind letting us in? We thought you’d like some company. I’m sure it’s dreadfully lonely and boring being stuck in that huge Manor all day”

If you hadn’t of been in such shock due to his sudden call in the wake of your worries – then perhaps you would have noticed the lack of sincerity and the presence of graveness in his voice. “Um...you want me to open the gate?” you questioned as you walked out of the carpeted room and made your way out on to the wooden flooring of the hall.

“Yes dear – that would be great!” Taehyung replied. Telling him to hang on for a second, you hastily strode towards Jungkook’s study on the ground floor, knowing that he kept the controls for the gate there. However, when you arrived – you raised your finger to your mouth; chewing on it gently as several thoughts raced a mile a minute in your head.

“Wait – doesn’t Jungkook need to let you in himself? The Vampire thing?” you questioned – trying to locate a button that you assumed would say ‘open’.

“Oh no dear, Jungkook has already let Jimin and I in before so...don’t worry okay? Come outside and open the gate for us” he replied deftly.

“Come outside?”

“Yes dear, you won’t be able to open it from the Manor as the keypad will require Jungkook’s own fingerprint to activate. But if you come out to the gate – there is an old lever behind the control box which you can use to manually open it for us.”

You knitted your eyebrows together, finding yourself in a slight dilemma. “It’s just Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook won’t get mad – right? Should I call him and ask him first?” you went back and forth in your head; before deciding that you shouldn’t be so childish and that it was only Taehyung asking to be let in to see you. Besides, you trusted Taehyung as you knew he was extremely fond of you, as was Jimin.

“Okay – I’ll be out in a second, but let me put on some clothes first...I’ve been lounging around in my dressing gown all day” you laughed as you looked down at yourself, not wanting to tell Taehyung that you were in fact wearing one of Jungkook’s white work-shirts as you still found yourself extremely shy admitting to the obvious.

“Yes my love – and be sure to put a coat on too. It’s quite chilly” he added as you began almost jumping up the stairs to race into your room to throw on a bra, a pair of jeans and to replace Jungkook’s shirt with one of your own.

“It’s okay, I’ll only be going out for a few moments. I may not be a Vampire but I’ve got one hell of an immune system!” you joked as you finished dressing yourself and putting the phone back to your ear.

“(Y/N)...please put a coat on. For me?” Taehyung’s voice almost sounded pitiful as you proceeded to bound down the stairs two at a time.

“Jeez, okay uncle Tae!” you replied in a sing-song voice, pausing for a moment. “I’ll hang up now – talk to you out there”

“Talk to you soon, my flower” his words disappeared into a frightful whisper...however, you didn’t hear his response as you had already hung up. Quickly, you shoved your white, calf-length coat on over you; placing your phone inside its deep pockets as you knew Jungkook would have forty fits if he knew it wasn’t on your person. Next, you slipped your bare feet into a pair of flat shoes you kept in the closet beside the Manor’s doors – before opening one of them wide and shutting it behind you to keep the heat safely inside.

“Jesus, Taehyung was lying when he said it was chilly...it’s absolutely bloody freezing!” you winced as you pulled hard on your coat to battle with the ongoing wind that was fast on its way to becoming what appeared to be a full blown storm. As you continued to make your way towards the gates where you could see Taehyung’s Landrover behind them, you looked up to the sky to observe the rolling, dark clouds that looked as ominous as could be. “I hope it doesn’t rain until I get back inside” you thought, coming closer and closer to the gates.

Upon reaching them, you could clearly see Taehyung sitting behind the steering wheel of his Landrover as you waved to him; to which he waved gently back at you. You squinted at the vehicle, not able to see Jimin at all – but you thought perhaps he was just sitting in the back.

“I’ll go open the gates!” you called out as loud as you could. You looked to your left – seeing the control box that Taehyung had previously mentioned. As you walked towards it, you noted its dirty yellow colour – seeing that it had definitely been subject to kinder days as it really looked like it had been in a state of neglect for years. And – just as Taehyung had informed you, when you looked just behind it, you could clearly see a sizeable rusty lever.

“Alright, let’s get this over with” you narrowed your eyes at the brutish looking contraption as you placed both your hands around it and attempted to pull. Admittedly, you weren’t the strongest person you knew – having little to almost no upper body strength in your arsenal to be proud of as you struggled to move it even an inch. “God damn it” you let out a string of grunts and grumbles as you placed your left foot on the stone-wall the lever’s mechanism was attached to – your hair flying in a million different directions as the wind really began to pick up. Using the leverage from your leg, you managed to pull the lever with success – hearing the gates judder and creak, before you looked back to see them slightly ajar. “Success!” you celebrated silently as you walked back over towards them.

“Come on in!” you cupped your hands around your mouth to converse with Taheyung - pushing the gates open wide to allow him clear access, before beckoning him forward to drive through with your head. You stared at each other through his Landrover’s wind-shield – seeing him beckoning you forward in return.

“Ah – he wants me to get in” you deducted, thinking it would be easier for you to just quickly hop into the Landrover and joining both of them in driving down Jungkook’s driveway. Without any further hesitation, you smiled back at Taehyung’s face as you began walking towards the gates.

Had you stared for a moment longer, you would have been clearly able to observe the look of sheer terror and guilt that was painted across Taehyung’s attractive features as he screamed to you with his eyes to run back into the house – to close the gates, to lock the doors and to ring Jungkook immediately. However, Taehyung found himself stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea; for in the back-seat of his vehicle...Hoseok and Seokjin held Jimin in their grasp with a knife coated in deadly toxins consisting of Belladonna, Wolfsbane and Foxglove to his throat. When mixed together, these deadly herbs created such a powerful toxin that could bring a much younger Vampire like Jimin to his untimely death...leaving Taehyung no other choice than to go along with the orders he was given. “What have I done....may the Heavens forgive me; Jungkook and (Y/N)...I’m so, so sorry...”

All that was going through your mind was how fierce the wind was proving to be against your balance as you found yourself bracing its impact upon your body every time a gust were to catch you unawares. All you could think about was dashing towards the passengers side of Taehyung’s Landrover and hearing his grand voice welcoming you inside his vehicle. As you set your foot across the point of entry to Jungkook’s Manor, you didn’t even think for a second about what you were doing as it all seemed perfectly innocent to you. Alas, as soon as your body came across the point of no return – you observed what appeared to a hand fitted snugly into a black, leather glove that held a saturated white cloth, along with an arm that was sleeved in a leather jacket of much a similar shade being shoved right in front of your face.

“What the –“ was all you had time to think – before you soon quickly found the cloth being forcefully placed over your mouth. The first thing that hit you was the smell – the mixture of faint sweetness with combined chemicals that seemed almost vinegary as it clogged your nasal passages. The next thing you felt was the burning of the liquid that dripped off the cloth as you opened your mouth to try and scream – sucking it in and feeling it almost burn your entire upper palate like you had just taken a gulp of acid. In your mind – you were putting up a damn good fight to try and struggle free from the leather hands that held you in place as you deducted there was more than one pair. But in reality, your flailing limbs and muffled cries proved to be futile as you slowly felt yourself slip from consciousness.

As you fought to keep your eyes open – all you could see was Taehyung through the window of his Landrover; his mouth hanging agape as his face twisted in monstrous turbulence with his hands clutching his steering wheel for dear life. Without your consent, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as Jungkook’s face was all you could see in your mind – his kind, beautiful cherubic features that you loved with every beat of your heart that was slowing in pulse as the seconds ticked by. “What’s happening...who is this...what have I done...Jungkook – help me...I need you...” was all that you could scream internally. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, like your lungs were collapsing as your mind started to turn into a blank canvas, while the strong leather-bound hands on your body completely overpowered you. And, just before you truly slipped into somewhat of an anaesthetised state, you thought you heard a low whisper from someone holding you in place behind you in your ear...as the lips the voice came from were frighteningly close to your skin;

“Shh...that’s it...that’s it (Y/N) – don’t struggle any longer. Don’t resist me...shh...

...sleep now; my domitor”

{...to be continued...}

[hurt-spock]

Chapter 5 done! Spock finally gives into a physical, and doesn’t seem to like the doctor much.

Unformatted version:

Spock crunched his eyes shut and collapsed to his knees with an oomph. Chapel came through the curtains at the same time.

"Doctor, I cannot... control it, it... I..."

McCoy's mouth formed a thin straight line. It was just one thing after another.

“God damn Vulcan physiology” he muttered under his breath. "Try to breathe through it Spock, you're gonna be okay" he reassured him, carefully picking himself up around all the loose hypos scattered on the floor.

"I.. cannot.." Spock stuttered, keeling over to the side. Chapel lurched forward to grab him but hesitated.

"What's happening to him?" Kirk finally asked, seemingly the only person still standing, apart from Chapel.

McCoy glanced down at the only reason this could have happened again-- then muttered a string of curses under his breath.

"Grabbed his arm, forgot to put the gloves back on." he realised, rubbing his hands together and reaching for the gloves.

Spock was in a fetal position on the floor, very clearly shaking and out of breath.

McCoy knelt down and bent over him, putting an arm onto Spock's back and another on his head. Spock instantly tensed up, but slowly sagged when no new feelings pounded him.

Luckily his hypothesis worked, having the new fabric in the way of touching skin stopped any touch telepathy.

"Okay, now nurse Chapel here is going to give you a medication to calm you down. Try not to move.” he gave a nod to the nurse, who knelt down and pressed the hypo against Spock's neck, being careful not to touch him.

After a couple of seconds, the shaking stopped. McCoy thought he was asleep before he heard a slurred;

"Doctor, I believe... loss of consciousness.. is imminent."

McCoy held himself back from laughing.

"Yeah, that's why it's called a sedative. Go to sleep you idiot."

Spock became too tired to come up with a retort and immediately became dead-weight in the doctor's grip, who then man-handled him onto the biobed.

After being satisfied that the man wasn’t going to wake up and attempt to murder someone, he sighed and turned to Kirk.

“And back to bed with you. You shouldn’t even be awake, let alone walking n’ talking.”

...

The second that Spock woke up, he instincts immediately kicked in to check for people around him. He was lying on a bed, again, with the sound of very fast beeping behind him. Letting in a delicate breathe, he opened his eyes and started scanning around without moving his head.

The one who called himself Kirk, or, the Captain was next to him, but the loud rough doctor was no-where to be seen.

Thank god.

“Spock?”

The Vulcan snapped his head to face the voice, obviously it was Kirk considering he was the only person in the room, but somehow he had to think it through anyway.

“Captain,” he greeted, letting his eyes glance around the room some-what more invasively.

“Who you searching for?”

Spock met Kirk’s gaze and looked away again.

“The doctor. He is not here.” The Vulcan clarified.

Kirk stood up instantly.

“Want him to get him? Hold on—“

“No, I do not wish to see him,” Spock added quickly, albeit in desperation.

Jim rolled his chair closer, pulling Spock's bed up to a sitting angle.

"Better?" he asked the perplexed man.

"Captain, I do not believe I had a problem with lying down,"

Kirk grabbed the handrails again.

"Oh, sorry, let me just--"

"But I do not object to the new angle at which I am positioned at" Spock added, then leaned his head back to look at the beeping monitors.

Curious.

"Is it possible for the noises on this machine to stop?"

Kirk stood up and smiled, "Bones can," he stated, walking over to the desk. He looked back at Spock but there was no objection on his face.

"Kirk to Doctor McCoy"

Almost instantly a gruff voice answered him.

"McCoy here, Jim. Is Spock alright?"

Typical of the doctor to assume something is wrong the second someone wants him.

Though that's usually the case.

"He's fine, but he's complaining about the monitors making noises"

"Must be those damned Vulcan ears. On my way"

Kirk ended the transmission and sat back down next to Spock.

"You feeling alright?" he asked quietly. The Vulcan was merely staring thoughtfully at him. For once, he looked at peace. At least he appeared less pale, and more talkative.

"Hmm" was the reply at first. Then, "Captain, how do you propose I discontinue touch telepathy?"

Jim glanced up at the man sympathetically. He wanted to get rid of an ability that he would usually pride himself over.

"You can't, Spock. You've always just..." Jim was stumped to explain, "...controlled it."

Spock sat forward slightly.

"Control over my emotions seems most beneficial." he states, resting back again.

McCoy entered not moments later, of course glaring at the vitals before making eye contact with any other object or living being in the room.

"Looks good." he declared, silencing the monitors with a single push of a button. "For your species anyway" then he turned to Jim.

"Jim, I thought I told you to stay in bed?" he grumbled, but not paying any more attention to him than that. Clearly he had recovered well enough to walk, but McCoy wanted the last word.

"I want to stay with Spock" Kirk admitted, rubbing his neck pensively.

McCoy grunted but returned a slight nod. "Probably a good idea actually. I'm gonna do his physical today." McCoy didn't make eye contact with his patient, knowing he was holding some kind of a glare.

"I'll stay with him just in case" Kirk persisted, hoping it would calm his friend.

--

"Captain, may I enquire as to why you are so adamant about remaining in the room with me?" Spock suddenly piped up, after the fifth argument over whether Kirk should return to the bridge or not was started.

It does not seem right to endanger a ship for one person.

Kirk shrugged and completely ignored the question for the fifth time in a row.

"Spock, hope you're feeling well?" McCoy asked, hesitantly reaching for the medical gloves that lay in a box next to Spock.

"I am. But I presume not for long." he muttered under his breath.

"Come on, you can't be as bad as Jim," the doctor joked, lowering the bed backwards so he was flat on his back again.

"Bones! I'm not that bad!" Jim scowled at him from his chair.

"Uh huh. You know what, you’re right Jim!” Bones’ voice dripped with sarcasm. “Guess I'd have to agree with you that running down four corridors, disabling the turbolift and threatening to take a shuttlecraft into uncharted territory because I wanted to give you one routine vaccination wasn't bad at all."

Jim blinked rapidly and clamped his mouth shut, Spock raised a inquisitive eyebrow at that.

"See, no one is worse than Jim," McCoy teased, stepping to the monitors and fiddling with the touch screen controls.

Jim continued glaring at him for a few seconds before asking,

"Whatcha doing?" he stood up and wandered over to the doctor, watching his quick movements swiping over the screen.

"Recalibrating the vitals to better fit Spock's Vulcan biology" he explained, looking extremely focused, "Should more or less work in the same way as humans do. Converts his results into what it would be for a human. Or something." he raised his hands in surrender, "Ask Scotty, he did all the work."

Kirk nodded in understanding, sitting back in the chair after noticing Spock was beginning to act agitated. Jim thinks he preferred it when Spock would try to cover his emotions up to an extent that it was like talking to a brick wall.

McCoy turned to Spock.

“Now, from what you’ve told me before,” a thoughtful eyebrow looked around the room, “…your touch telepathy or empathy—whatever the hell you call it, only works on skin-to-skin contact.” He raised his hands so Spock could see them, “and that’s why I’m wearing these gloves. So it won’t happen again.” McCoy tried explain it clearly to him, but the Vulcan still looked uneasy and gave no reply. “Do you understand?” McCoy prompted, wanting to make absolutely sure that his patient didn’t feel like he was about to be tortured.

Spock’s mouth opened to say something, and then closed again quickly. McCoy gave him a few more moments to gather his thoughts.

It was odd to see him so unorganized and in mental chaos.

“Doctor,” Spock paused again, but pursed his lips in thought, “I would be most appreciative if you would inform me of everything you are doing to me. It would be beneficial to me if I were to know what was happening, for as of right now, I do feel particularly.. vulnerable, and I believe that understanding what you are doing would provide me with reassurance.” he visibly squirmed a little, slightly curling his knees up as if to protect himself.

“Spock…” McCoy sighed, sandwiched between both frustration and sympathy, “I always tell my patients what I’m doing, as I’m doing it, anyway.”

Spock leaned back.

“Oh.”

“And just for the record, a simple ‘Please tell me what you’re doing as you’re doing it’ would have been sufficient” he shook his head and scoffed, “I didn’t need an entire explanation. Although.. it’s reassuring to know you still aren’t able to shut up”

Spock offered a curt nod, and then turned to Kirk.

“I would be most grateful if you could stay. I do not understand why. I just feel like it would be…” Spock hesitated and tried to think of the reason why.

Kirk patted his shoulder and smirked. “Because I comfort you?” he spun his head to Bones. “I’m not surprised, everyone needs to be comforted when McCoy is your doctor.”

McCoy grunted. “Shut up Jim, or I’ll move your physical slot up to tomorrow.” he sneered. Then he turned to Spock. “You know, it’s weird to have you saying that you.. feel so much. You never feel” then he rolled his eyes, “Well you don’t admit to it anyway. It’ll be a shame once you’re back to normal.”

“I apologise for my weakness, doctor.” He replied quietly. A slight pang of guilt hit McCoy.

“Well.. what you’re going through right now, I’m not surprised you need so much support.” then he gave a rare reassuring smile to the first officer, “You’ll be alright.”

He gave a quick glance at the monitors, satisfied that they were calibrated the way they should be, then shifted himself next to Spock.

“I’ll start off easy.” McCoy took a mask and gave it to Spock. “Now all you gotta do is breathe into that like normal. That’s all.”

Spock obliged easily and held the mask up against his face, noting that the doctor was trying to make it easy for him at first, as he could hold the mask for himself. He watched as Jim stood up and seemed to be whispering to McCoy.

“What you doing that for? Can’t you see his uh.. respirations on those monitors?”

“Yeah I can. I’m gonna make him workout later, but I want to get him used to the mask. Thought it’d help.” he hushed back.

Jim nodded, leaning up against the wall, observing Spock’s calm breathing, who was staring off into space. Literally. “So you can’t see his respirations while he’s working out? But you could with me?”

McCoy held back an annoyed grumble. “I know what I’m doing Jim, trust me.” he looked over to Spock, who seemed to be relatively settled. “Spock?” he waited to get his attention to tell him what he was going to do next. Spock’s head turn to the speaker.

Just as McCoy was about to speak, the room tinted red, and alarms started sounding loudly all over the ship. Kirk stood up instantly.

“I’m not even the bridge..” Spock jumped out of bed and glanced around the room wondrously.

“What’s that?”

[aaronmaurer]

Movies I Liked in 2018

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

I may have seen more movies in theatres in 2018 than any other year of my life, thanks to MoviePass during its unsustainable height and now AMC’s A-List. Even so, aside from some genuinely classic new blockbusters, this year’s indie and prestige fare didn’t make as much of an impact on me as 2017’s offerings.

I typically rank 10 films, but this year, due to an abundance of parallels and no clear favorite, I decided to share my recommendations in pairs that might make some interesting Double Features.

Fresh Takes On History

The Favourite

A riveting and ribald take on the costume drama that brings English history to vibrant (and at times, anachronistic) life, The Favourite excels not just through its script and performances, but also through its unique cinematography, using wide lenses to capture entire rooms. The cast is all terrific, led by Emma Stone in arch mode, Rachel Weisz playing manipulative and commanding, and Olivia Coleman as a daffy and indecisive Queen Anne. It’s compelling stuff and far from the genre’s typically stuffy Oscar bait.

First Man

In the tradition of The Right Stuff’s auteur-driven impressionistic history of NASA’s beginnings, Damien Chazelle’s Neil Armstrong biopic eschews easy crowd-pleasing in favor of scenes that put the audience right inside the claustrophobic and frankly, terrifying, cockpits of the experimental airplanes and mission spacecraft that astronauts piloted. Armstrong was known as humble and reserved and Ryan Gosling does a great job of humanizing him with nuanced depth. Claire Foy is his captivating equal as wife Janet, left dealing with the homefront while her husband ventures into uncharted territory. As a sucker for movies about the space program (and a fan of Chazelle’s prior films), this was right up my alley, but I was unprepared for the sheer artistry and realism of the entire endeavor, including its hauntingly beautiful score and POV cinematography.

Gorgeous Cinematography and Radical Empathy

If Beale Street Could Talk

Barry Jenkins’ adaption of James Baldwin’s novel is a feast for the eyes – stunning cinematography, costuming and production design combine to create one of the most vivid films of the year, justly earning its Wong Kar-wai comparisons. The plot bounces back and forth in time, revealing a love story of boundless promise that is interrupted by systemic injustice and institutional racism. Moments of beauty and hope are contrasted with the dehumanizing reality of a criminal justice system that seems to exist merely to beat those out of people. A harsh reminder of how little has changed since the book was written decades ago.

Roma

Alfonso Cuarón is a master filmmaker and his meditation on his own childhood in 1970s Mexico City is spellbinding. Shot in stunning black-and-white, the compositions and tracking shots employed present a uniquely realized sense of place. Although the film is available on Netflix, I had the opportunity to see it screened in 70mm film and highly recommend viewing on the largest screen possible to fully appreciate the beauty of its filmmaking. Of course, the visuals would be meaningless without a story to serve, and Roma showcases the daily life and sacrifices of an indigenous housekeeper to an upper-middle-class family, fully immersing the audience in her world in all its small pleasures and large heartbreaks. An indelible tribute to the incredible strength and selflessness of women and caretakers everywhere.

Marvel Superhero Domination

Black Panther

The Marvel Cinematic Universe continued to expand this year with Black Panther’s title film following the character’s debut in Captain America: Civil War. Look: you probably saw this movie. What is there to say? It’s very very good. The Afrofuturist art direction and costume design is absolutely fantastic. The CGI is kind of weak (my guess is most of Marvel’s resources were devoted to the next film on this list). It works as a stand-alone feature but still effectively ties into the greater MCU, and it serves as a glorious tribute to black excellence. ’Nuff said.  

Avengers: Infinity War

The payoff of a decade of interlocking films featuring dozens of characters could have been absolutely terrible. There are probably plenty of people who think Infinity War fits that description, but I am deeply impressed at how deftly the filmmakers handled everything, balancing a lot of plot with winning character moments. The fact that this movie is essentially a hero’s journey from the perspective of the villain is a clever upending of expectations and the ending (for now) is a pretty audacious move on Marvel’s part.

The Hollywood Machine at Its Best

A Star Is Born

The most compelling aspect of the latest rendition of A Star Is Born is the way director/star Bradley Cooper puts the audience in the middle of the action, allowing us to share the stage at giant music festivals, the Grammy Awards and Saturday Night Live, among other venues. It’s the most authentic concert film I’ve seen (probably helps that Live Nation co-produced it). The soundtrack is solid and Cooper and Lady Gaga are excellent in their roles, though I often felt at a remove from them, like watching a series of excellently curated vignettes without fully experiencing their inner worlds. So while I like this film a great deal (and it’s an example of what big studios can do best), it lacks the immediacy and intimacy of 2007’s much sparer indie Once, still my benchmark for “two-artists-making-a-connection-and-bringing-out-the-creative-best-in-each-other” stories (see also: La-La-Land).

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

There’s a mournfulness to the latest M:I (my favorite action franchise) that pervades the moments between breathless tension and pumping adrenaline. Though character development has never been central to this series, there’s a greater sense here of what Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt has given up and the character’s inner goodness. Not wanting to sacrifice even the one innocent person for the sake of millions and willing to expend himself over and over, he is a classic Christ figure, kenosis personified. He may be a cipher, but we see the pain and weariness behind his eyes. Fallout is all the more powerful for it. Oh, and the helicopter chase (in IMAX!): that was badass.

Quirky Tales With Depth

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

As a collection of standalone Western-themed shorts (originally conceived as an anthology TV show), The Ballad of Buster Scruggs initially feels like a lesser Coen Brothers effort but proves to have a lot of staying power. Suffused with the standard Coen wit and moralistic existentialism, the chapters range from comedy to tragedy and all points in between with no shortage of idiosyncratic characters. The penultimate tale, “The Gal Who Got Rattled,” is one of the strongest and most moving, with an ending that reveals itself to be more complex the more you reflect on it. While the vistas look great on the big screen, this is another Netflix production, so it’s easily accessible and revisitable from home.

The Old Man & the Gun

In the Old Man & the Gun director David Lowry pays homage to 70s-era caper films, putting Robert Redford’s infinite charisma to use in the role of a serial bank robber and prison escapee who could be a latter-day version of his character from The Sting. Based on the true story of Forrest Tucker, the film explores the tension of its protagonist’s draw toward heists and desire to settle down once and for all. The terrific supporting cast includes Sissy Spacek as Tucker’s love interest and Casey Affleck as the detective who puts the case together and becomes engaged in a cat-and-mouse game with him throughout the film.

Like Those? Here Are Some More Worth Your Time:

Innovative Animation - Isle of Dogs / Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

Family-Friendly Tributes to Decency - Won’t You Be My Neighbor? / Paddington 2

Environmentally-Conscious Indie Dramas - First Reformed / Leave No Trace

Explorations of Police Brutality Featuring Members of the Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton - Monsters and Men / Blindspotting

[roberrtnelson]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241843 https://ift.tt/2RkX5Bd

[journalingthisjourney]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

[violetsgallant]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241844 https://ift.tt/2RkX5Bd

[haileyjayden3]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from https://www.spiritualriver.com/addiction-treatment/how-to-make-the-right-choice-for-addiction-treatment/

[jaylazoey]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241844 https://www.spiritualriver.com/addiction-treatment/how-to-make-the-right-choice-for-addiction-treatment/

[pitz182]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

[alexdmorgan30]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

The post How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://ift.tt/2RkX5Bd

[emlydunstan]

How to Make the Right Choice for Addiction Treatment

One of the concepts that I want to make sure that you understand today is this:

The right choice for addiction treatment is to simply pick up the phone and make it happen. That’s it. Just get yourself to rehab and stop sweating the details.

The details will take care of themselves once you check into a rehab facility. So my hope for you is that you can simply break through your denial, pick up the phone, and make it happen. Get yourself to treatment and do what you need to do in order to turn your life around.

I know that a lot of people are worried about what treatment center they should go to, or where they should attend counseling or therapy at, or whether AA meetings fit with their religious views or not.

Honestly, none of those details are that relevant when you back up and take a look at what is really important in terms of getting clean and sober.

You need to surrender completely to the process of recovery. In order to surrender completely you must let go of the need to control everything. The typical addict or alcoholic is struggling to control every little thing in their life because they have to try to control their drug or alcohol intake in order to maintain some degree of safety. So they fight and they struggle for control and this tends to carry over into the recovery process.

If you are still struggling for control then it likely means that you are still in denial. The only way to move forward in a meaningful way is to let go completely and allow yourself to be guided in recovery. This means that you take a huge leap of faith and you allow yourself to trust other people.

We need to trust other people in recovery who will then tell us how to avoid using drugs and alcohol. We need to trust professionals in the world of addiction treatment who will tell us how to find recovery and work a real program in our lives. We need to trust a sponsor in a recovery program who can show us how they were able to get and remain clean and sober. Without this level of trust in other people we are never going to be able to overcome our substance abuse problems.

Our own addiction is proof that we do not have the information that we need to be able to remain clean and sober while being happy. We are struggling with addiction and that proves that we do now know how to live a sober and happy life.

Other people know how to do this. Other addicts and alcoholics have figured out how to live a clean and sober life while maintaining serenity and happiness. Other people in recovery have figured out how to build a life that is free and joyous at times.

If we want what those other people have figured out then we need to listen to them. We are not just going to muscle our way into happiness and freedom by trying to exert more control over things. That never worked for us in the past and it is not going to suddenly start working if we try to “go it alone” in our recovery journey. We need other people in order to recover. We need their support and we need their knowledge and experience.

Making good choices in early recovery is surprisingly simple, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. In fact, it is quite difficult to do, because that means you have to surrender completely, let go absolutely, and allow yourself to be guided by other people. That is a very scary proposition for most people.

Truly, what needs to happen in early recovery is this: You must make an agreement with yourself that you are not in control any longer, that you will not make any of your own decisions any longer, and that you will only live your life according to the advice of other people. You must make a pact with yourself that you will do what you are told rather than to chase after your own ideas and whims.

This is essentially what the third step in AA and NA is instructing you to do: To remove self will, to stop living by your own selfish whims and desires, and to live by the advice of others instead. You must remove your own self will from the equation so that you can give yourself a chance to start to recover.

Why is this necessary? Because every alcoholic and every drug addict will–if left to their own devices–sabotage their own recovery and end up relapsing. Every time.

That isn’t weird, that is perfectly normal for an addict or an alcoholic to sabotage their own self and end up relapsing. That is to be expected; that is what addicts do. You should expect for this to happen if the person is not actively working a recovery program, deliberately making an agreement with themselves to avoid self will.

What is abnormal, what is unique and rare, what is special and should actually be celebrated–is when the addict or alcoholic is able to let go completely, to ask for help humbly, and to simply go check into rehab and start following directions. This is the solution, this is how real recovery happens, and this is the ideal that everyone should be striving for.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction in any way, the real key to happiness is in surrender. The real key is in letting go of that need for control. The real solution is to just pick up the phone, call a rehab, and get something started.

I can remember when I was still struggling with denial and addiction, and I was so nervous and worried about what exactly inpatient treatment would consist of. I was terrified of the idea that I would go into rehab and they would somehow “brainwash me” into not wanting drugs or alcohol any more. I wondered to myself: “How in the world are they going to do that to me?”

What I did not realize was that they do not, in fact, try to brainwash you at all. What they do is provide the solution, but the addict or alcoholic has to actually want that solution. I did not understand this at the time because I was still in the phase of my addiction where I wanted to get drunk and high all the time, I believed that the only way I could be happy was to be intoxicated, and I thought that being clean and sober would be a horrible punishment. I was stuck in denial and therefore my reaction to treatment was fear based.

Later on I became so miserable in my addiction that the fear suddenly dropped away. I was no longer afraid of sobriety because I was honestly afraid that I was going to die from my addiction. The fear of sobriety no longer kept me stuck, and I was able to surrender and ask for help. I went into rehab as if I were starting some sort of mystical journey in which everything was new and foreign to me. Really it should not have been so dramatic to walk into a rehab facility and be clean and sober but at the time I felt like I was a pioneer who was breaking new ground in the world, exploring uncharted territory.

You, too, can break new ground in your life and explore a whole new world of recovery, where everything seems new and unique again. All you have to do is surrender to a new solution, surrender to a recovery program, surrender to the fact that you need other people to tell you how to live for a while. Ask for help, call a rehab, and get your life back on track. Good luck!

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