#so like. maybe i didnt have anywhere to post this since its not rlly its own thing so u can have him

[ninjasmudge]

i just need to say

*slaps his tits*

how dare you make me an azure enjoyer

enjoy the bitch with me <3

[thatdeadaquarius]

Admiiinnn do you write for platonic sagau?

Me wanna request my son (Razor) ue.

Because most of the fics I've read is just the creator falling on Mondstadt but never other places! I want them to fall on Wolvendom and maybe meet the wolf boy 🐨

I imagine he doesn't know/able to describe what he's feeling (not understanding human emotions and stuff because he grows up with wolves and all). But he really likes this feeling of peace and feeling like he belongs! So he'll stay with this random person that just dropped out of nowhere, and teach them how to survive in the wild too!

Unlike the overly-obsessed-head-over-heels acolytes, I think Razor will be like a worrywart bestfriend. You're his lupical now! It's his duty to protect other lupicals!

Days with him will literally be so fluffy ueueueu imagine we teach him how to cook things besides meat and puppy-paw hash browns (and teach him how to season them too! Good food always relies on taste after all). He'll just be like a little sibling that saw a very cool trick for the first time.

Aaaaa I wanna braid his long hair with flowers ue...

a request. A REQUEST. FIRST GENUINE REQUEST!! WOO!!!

AND A PLATONIC ONE?? 🥺 FOR THE BOY??🥺🥺THE MOST BOY IN ALL OF GENSHIN IMPACT???!!💖💖💖 YOU 🤝 ME = OUR LOVE FOR LIL ELECTRO FERAL PUPPY BOY

U get a whole slice of cake for that one. 🤲🍰💜

DUDE i totally thought abt (idk if u read it but its floatin around here smwhere,,) including Razor in the first Sagau idea post i made about Blunt Language reader vs. Teyvat's flowery language

TYSM FOR THE REQUEST!! I WILL DO MY BEST FOR THE BOY 💜✨️🐺

This gif encompasses everything i feel abt razor

Almost a part 2? But more like Bennett ft. Razor

Welp, you could've landed somewhere worse.

Like, accidentally-activated-Andrius-challenge worse.

You vowed to urself that if u ever got isekaied, or magicked away, or whatever else, u would not be those stupid protagonists who acted like they didnt know where they were

Or didnt adjust quickly to their new surroundings, esp if theyre life depended on it

U got this, u know exactly where u are rn. >:)

...

..Well, maybe not the exact location, but Wolvendom was pretty hard to mistake for anything else

The moon is full, and it looks to be about midnight or so,

A wolf howls.

...a little too close for comfort...

But hey, the lamp grass irl was so cute and pretty omg! <3

And it lit the ground nicely when u were nearby :) what a helpful aesthetic plant, so cool

Seeing a hilichurl camp further away, u slowly backed off into the woods away from the path u landed on (woke up on? Its unclear)

And up onto a small flat cliff thingy, filled with small lamp grass

U figured u werent getting anywhere tonight, i mean u rlly can't see jackshit rn, unlike in Genshin where the moon was almost as bright as the sun 💀

So ur just sittin on ur ass, wondering how tf ur gonna build a wolf-proof shelter when a bush shuffles nearby

...On ur little platform, how did u not hear whatever it was before now??

Too late now, bc u saw smth silver, and welp

U knew there were wolves, (its wolvendom)

But since u never saw any in game u kinda assumed they were like Earth wolves and were unlikely to get near a human like u-

Turns out u were probably wrong- the silver flashes in the bush- u get up and brace urself to run screaming and begging on ur knees for Andrius to take u in like-

.

..

...?

...Razor?? 😐😑😐

...

RAZOR!! :D!!!

It's the Best Boy™️!!!!!

The bestest boy ever sticks his head out of the bush

!!!??? His head tilts like a puppy in confusion ur heart💘

"...Lupical??" He says in the most confused ass tone youve ever heard

🥺

"Oh! Yes! Hello," you introduce yourself, "Can you help me? I got kinda lost here, but I don't really have a home to go back to,,"

Razor stands out of the bush, shaking his head back and forth like a dog, his hair nearly whips u in the face lmao

You: "AHH- uh- so, do u know somewhere I can go??"

Razor: "Mhm. Here. Razor like you, feel like Lupical. Stay?"

He asks, his eyes bright and shiny (not the puppy dog eyes)

Well, u figure if he can literally be raised by wolves and still be alive, so can u

(U figure itd be hard to convince Diluc to let u stay w/ him, and u dont have money for an inn in Mondstadt.. u dont even kno abt Springvale... wolf woods it is)

Plus, maybe u can help him out a bit! (it always did irritate u in game that nobody rlly checked on him/helped him live better >:/ )

"Oh! Y-yeah! That sounds great, are u sure ur family's- uh- other Lupical, r ok w/ that?" U hella dont wanna have to wrestle other wolves just for some raw food bc yall gotta share 💀

"Yes, come, I teach!" :D

___

AND SO BEGINS UR ADVENTURES WITH RAZOR

Bbyboy got ur heart in a vice gripe lol

Turns out he lives in a cave, that wasn't rlly available in game

His bed is just kinda,, moss and leaves, maybe one fur pelt

So obv u start gettin chests and get money to buy him better stuff!

Plus monsters drop money too (the slimes just bring u money?? W/o u having to defeat them?? Whos paying all these monsters anyway, where do they get this money-)

.

Also bc i HATE that u r just a regular ass human in other SAGAUs, imma keep it canon and say u can still upgrade Vision Users/Allogenes + all the regular game mechanics besides time manipulation, including quest log and inventory (bc that still exists here fuck regular sagau BS)

(bc how would u prove ur the Creator otherwise? How would u live up to that if u didnt have powers?? Isnt that the whole point of why they think ur the Creator???!! Did I miss smth here-??)

.

So ofc u give the boy the comfiest bed of pillows and furs and handmade quilts (Springvale's very talented and friendly turns out :)

And new clothes!! :D new outfits pop up on his character screen!! (It just kinda,, hovers like a hologram screen in front of him when u click a button u see hovering over his chest at all times)

.

U also teach him how to comb his hair.

(J. F. C. I dont even wanna think. abt how bad it is, a kid raised by wolves, in the woods w/ little human contact?? ill leave that to ur imagination)

He really loves the lamp grass flowercrowns u make him :) <3

.

Also yes.

We have to talk about it.

U got him soap.

And perfume. (That are still scented but not enough that he hates it thank fuck-)

.

Razor seems like he'd react to everything with either worry for ur safety (BEST BOY EVER) bc sm stuff u do is unfamiliar to him,

OR just like u said anon, like a little sibling u showed a magic trick to for the first time <3333

.

Like?? U can?? Use salt?? Pepper??? On food??? That u have cooked???!!!

Omg, his grubby little hands snatch that shit outta ur pan so quick 😭😭

He's literally scarfs down anything u make him

Oh god the wolves.

If u thought Razor loved ur food, the Lupical pack is on a whole different level.

They're such sweet doggos bc ur technically Lupical now too (Razor gave u a tooth necklace like his :] )

!!! PUPPY PILES !!! 🤲🐺💖💜✨️✨️✨️

And theyre never violent, even their play fighting is pretty tame

But the food.

Ur seasoned. New recipe. Food.

The first time u made a new dish with salt alone

It was a fucking free for all. (including Razor😭)

.

So now u have a schedule of who gets what when (as insisted and aided by Andrius himself, it got so out of hand,, paw??)

Congratz u got a pack of little siblings now, w/even the "will be bribed w/any food u give them" feature too

.

Razor loves u sm, he feels so safe around u!!

He usually cant articulate it, but u can tell by how he clings to ur arm whenever yall go into human towns so he wont lose u,

Or how he'll offer u some of his portion of food always (even if u made it)

.

and he's happy to do all these new things w/ u !!

(i sure as fuck know id get bored af if i was just,, in the woods,, all day everyday,,, not even a book to read,,,)

So needless to say he joins u for nearly everything u do

Esp monster hunting/grinding for his artifacts + weapon + stuff

Razor sees it as his job to look out for Lupical, esp if his favorite (besides Andrius) has to leave pack territory

.

Also yes, u DID meet The Andrius.

He was. So much. Bigger. Than you. Expected.

The game doesn't do him justice.

He's literally the size of a fucking school bus.

Also, apparently Razor didnt rlly know what u were, mostly bc he just feels ur comfort and safety, no words needed

But Andrius does, and he immediately explains how Teyvat sees u and even does a wolfy bow with his head lowered onto his front paws (ahdkala Andrius pls ur a gOD GET UP)

He's also surprisingly helpful and nice to u, very polite big doggo, a good leader (alpha??)

.

Lisa is hella grateful for u and all the help/care u give the bestest boy ever

(even tho u did give her the stink eye at first bc,, why didnt she teach him how to take care of himself? And even if he didnt want to join human society at least make sure he's in liveable conditions?? Hes not even an adult???)

But at least she also agrees he's the bestest boy ever, she always brags about how quickly he learns language (both writing reading and speaking) to anyone she knows

Which did endear u to her a little more (plus she apologized for not looking out for him more, or at least asking someone else to/check up on him)

.

U kinda think she (and the rest of Mondstadt) dont really realize ur some kind of Creator god,

Mostly bc u dont really stay in Mondstadt long, just to get essentials and see what it looked like in person (smtimes to visit Bennett and Fischl :D )

(U mostly only know that bc Andrius claims its so, hes very insistent too)

But ur spending most ur days with Razor anyway so it doesnt matter to you two whether ppl know what u can do

.

Razor was practicing his writing one time (bc u also help him out at home/Wolvendom when Lisa isnt)

And he carved "Razor loves Lupical and [You]" into a tree near yalls cave

:')

🎵 JESSSSUSSS CHRISSSSTTT THIS IS TOO LONGGG

BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE EDITINNGGGGG🎵

I didnt know where to end it i got sucked in dont LOOK at me-)

Uh anyway i hope this was adequate!! Sorry this was ungodly long!! I will limit myself in the future 🥲

Tysm again for the request and if u read this far LMAO!!

<3

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius ♒️ 💧🌌🌘

[torchiiko]

YOU THERE

GIVE ME KINGER HEADCANONS. FOR SCIENCE

UEWAGH IDK I DONT HAVE INTELLIGENT THOUGHTS ABT HIM ummmm

im inclined to agree that his body isnt very comfortable for hugs but id like to argue his hands would probably be warm since they arent Wood. softer too but probably has a fabric texture

gangle kinger friendship is so so real to me just based on how ready they were to play rock-paper-scissors for rescuing zooble. i think she shows him her art :)

speaking of its also rlly cute that he was excited to go save zooble & that he was so relieved they were ok,,, he definitely cares abt the others id like to see him interact with everyone more

i had a post drafted abt this but it didnt rlly go anywhere But he definitely knows more than he lets on. i cant quite decide if he might be playing up his mental issues To an extent to hide what he knows or if hes 100% just like that, but jaxs comment after kinger lore drops abt how digital food works makes me think kinger doesnt let that knowledge slip very often. being there the longest (of the main cast if not ever) means hes had plenty of time to pick up on how the digital world works

theres also the theory that kinger knew kaufmo had likely abstracted, which is why he declined to go check on him. kinger probably does recognize the warning signs & he drew a parallel with kaufmos obsession with exits to pomnis insistence that she saw one. a way of warning her maybe? dare i say... foreshadowing...?

i think hes unlikely to abstract any time soon. hes made it this long even with the potential loss of a lover & who knows how many friends, itd take a Lot to break him at this point. i think i mentioned this in a kingspring post somewhere but i also think that, despite these losses, kinger doesnt close himself off to forming new relationships & befriending ppl. there mightve even been a time where he Didnt try to befriend someone before they abstracted & he regretted it

theyre all pretty animated given the stylistic choices but i like to think kinger especially talks with his hands ,,, i also like to think he fidgets with his hands now & then, the way he drummed his fingers together in the gloink queen scene,,,,

i kind of agree with the idea kinger was moreso playing into his role as royalty to appease the gloink queen than him actually believing it himself, but i wouldnt be surprised if hes been there so long hes just like "ok yeah im a king." well have to see if he references it again in other contexts

i think hes more jumpy than downright a coward? he tends to flinch a lot & thats usually from being startled, but no one was Afraid of the gloink queen at all. he didnt panic until a real threat like abstracted kaufmo showed up, & he was the one to alert caine abt the situation. he might react differently in later episodes tho

lots of ppl theorize his mentions of an insect collection relate to him potentially working on the game theyre all stuck in & looking for bugs in the code & i think thats very cool but also i think he should be an entomologist :) you can always trust a man who likes bugs ok!!! i bet he was into bug taxidermy i forgot what its called. pinning? when you put them up in the display frames?? i think he probably did that too

half of me wants to say he & queenie werent even dating... ik its a very very popular fan interpretation tho so im hesitant to go against the idea. i do think it brings up an interesting concept tho,, do ppl who get sent to the circus at the same time share a theme, assuming they even joined at the same time? what determines a persons digital body? why were they so similar?

he is sooo in love with flicker <3 (/j.... unless?)

ok thats all i got 4 now u.u iirc someone else asked abt my hcs so i tried not 2 repeat myself too much xp

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[the-stray-liger]

MAN i sent u a fucking ESSAY and i accidentally cut the first paragraph bc im so goddamn tired. To sum up: im 28 and depressed and moving and also trying to make art as a living despite not being Super Good at it and its forcing me to Relearn things when my style has been stagnant since 2013. I know u said u wanted to try getting back into drawing so im sharing things that took me out of my OWN block and maybe it can help u ???

Lookin at sketchbooks and preparing my comp for drawing feels daunting bc it FEELS like i have a responsibility to make whats i draw there look good. It HAS to be perfect; it has to make up for the fact that im going to show people. So have u considered drawing on temporary mediums like sticky notes? Theyre tiny and small and i can doodle and experiment as much as i want bc i can just crumple and chuck out the things i didnt like. And i can take pictures and save the ones i DO like. I have HUNDREDS of stickies that ive tossed in the garbage that were just Circles for drawing a head that didnt come out right. The impermanence of sticky notes lets me flail around w a workspace smaller than my hand and try to make Detailed Eyes or Cute Chibis and then toss em out later.

Also like, its very hard to just say Go Make Friends but like on god having one or two ppl who look at ur shit and hype u up (and vice versa) helps w ur confidence its so unreal. I have tons of art i havent posted ANYWHERE but u know who saw it? My discord friends who comment w 😭💖 and 🥺✨✨ and let me bounce ideas off of them, even if were in completely diff fandoms. Confidence, lack thereof, and the fear of no recognition makes for a terrifying combination thats sucks out the will and energy of all kinds of artists, and if u rlly want to get back to ENJOYING making art, u unfortunately have to address ur relationship w art and how it affects u, and then begin trying to reverse damage thats been done yknow? Letting myself be a beginner in things again has taken (SOME OF) the stress of being perfect; sharing art w friends builds my confidence; even just sharing aus and ideas and concepts lets me be creative when drawing just doesnt seem feasible. Just some food for thought maybe; i wish i had more advice and options to give u 😔

This is actually excellent advice? I think Im gonna go looking for post its. Part of the stress of this for me is also that I feel super guilty drawing something shitty on good paper, and I think postit notes would help with that since they're cheap!!

I do try to share some of the stuff I make on discord for friends to look at but I still struggle a bit with it. I'm gonna try to trust my friends more too and let them help rebuild my confidence

I'm gonna try not to beat myself up for being a beginner again and try to give myself the chance of enjoying art again!!!

Thank you SO MUCH anon!

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[blurays]

.

i feel like i need to remember ppl have it worse than me and make it through

because i know people think im self centered and think my own problems are the only ones which like i dont think that but if it comes off that way its the same effect

but its like every Little bad thing feels like the end of the world im not one of those grateful terminally ill people who enjoy every little thing now i think when ur already horribly depressed its instead just. every good thing actually makes you sad too and every bad thing makes you feel cursed

idk if i over think or barely think abt things

and in regards to how bad i have it

again im like oh i whine so much people make it thru worse

but sometimes i barely think abt how bad ive had it

like as in the pandemic has been weird for me hearing people complaining about not having close contact for (under a) year and im like well. the last time i had a friend in real life i was. twelve

and if u count a friend i talked to outside of school think it drops down to like eleven and im 22 now and my parents have ranged from neglectful narcissistic to gaslighting to just. maybe they love me but they dont say it i dont feel it idk we're more roommates than anything else i think. and its hard to feel like im being honest that they’re bad because i used to think i had to lie for pity but i mean i havent been to school since i was 12, so...

like its ✨embarrassing✨ but im so incredibly lonely i have been for a really really really long time its why when i have a gf or whatever theyre the only thing i care abt which everyone including them understandably is like shut the fuck up but rlly im at the point where a mutual randomly dms me hoping im ok and i burst into tears because people are nice (here usually) but i feel like its just cause they feel bad for me and i dont even believe that anyone thinks abt me if im not talking which is probably why i feel like im suffocating if i cant tweet or say smth whatever 3x to the same ppl like ik ppl think i love attention because im a cunt or a leo or whatever but i rly think im just trying to like not die of loneliness its not even just the like lack of rl friends for uhm ten plus years its like i dont even go anywhere except the doctor or the store or whatever the people who ive occasionally seen like when i helped with scouts one time the woman said i know you hate hugs but i want to and i was like what and realized i just. dont even know how to react to physical contact cause again i mean christ i didnt know being touch starved was an actual like Thing beyond me being sad about it i guess but yeah i really only get touched at the doctor or if i ask for help when surgery leaves me particularly disabled which is ✨painful and humiliating✨ i think when my mom massaged my back a couple times after hospital beds had me like super fucked up tensed was like . the nicest thing ive experienced in . well yeah 11 years and its not like i can remember before that ive just never been physically close w someone and thats not even Normal and im not going to be Loved any time soon like i cant even work still i just dont interact w anyone making friends irl sounds horrifying and impossible idk how to act w people after this long and tht feels supported by ppl lately

and thats just loneliness if uve ever read like one post from me u know the. illness thoughts

im tired its weird because i dont think i couldve imagined ever being 22 when i was 12 i think i was really planning to die before that but i didnt and now i might not ever be 25 or 30 and i dont know i think that makes me really sad but i think if they told me it was happening i might be just. a little relieved because im so tired i wish i didnt have to choose to die like cause id Rather be loved touched happy but that doesnt feel realistic ever and im tired of this i think id just rather it be over lol

sorry if u read all this and thanks .

[fuckyeahexofics]

Fic Search #219

1.

201004. hi! first of all thank u guys for ur hardwork know that its v much appreciated ♡ theres this fic i've been looking for for ages : a chanbaek royalty au i read on ao3. baek was the prince and i think yeol was his guard. chan & baek start getting it on (nsfw) but baek is kinda possessive so when he learns of yeol's ex outside of the palace, he gets jealous and has him killed, which yeol didn't rlly like if i remember right? thats all i remember i hope one of u knows this but if not, its ok! tank u

2. 

201011. i'm trying to find this fic... i cant remeber the pairing otl but im certain it was on ao3... basically its this fic where theyre an established couple but like a doesn't really say ily to b or something, and i remember this one scene [the only thing i remember LOL] where b sits at the edge of the bed and a gives him a blowjob and b wants to return the favor but a says no, and its kind of implied its how he shows he loves him that he's doing it /for him/ not himself?? to be honest im like 95 percent its an exo fic... im trying to wreck my brain trying to find it but i cant and if u cant im assuming it might be another fandoms but alas i can't remeber anything but that one scene ;-;

3. 

201011. Hi, I am looking for a Luhan/Sehun fic; Sehun has a girlfriend who he doesn't really care for and plays videos games online all the time. He meets Luhan through a game I believe. It was on AFF but I, for the life of me cannot remember it. I think his girlfriend's name was Nari, if that helps anyway. It used to be on exodic's rec list but she's since dropped of the face of the internet :(

4. 

201011. Hii, there was a junmyeon fic i remembered read before but I can’t remember the pairing but i think it’s either suyeol or seho (?) but im not sure sorry! It was a florist!junmyeon got hired to do flower decoration for a banquet in the palace and didnt know the who’s the prince and the prince got smitten with junmyeon and they both talk and date after that and i think the prince got exposed and it become a bit angst after that. Hope someone can help me find this thank you in advance! 🙏🏻

5.

201011. Hi! I'm looking for a kaibaek fanfic, where baekhyun was in love with chanyeol but chanyeol broke his heart so as "revenge" (i think?) he got with kai (a player and his boss in the fic) and then kai and kaek fell in love. I'm not exactly sure where it was but it was slight angst and a few chapters long. Thanks for your help!

6. 

201011. Hi! First off thanks so much for this wonderful page it has saved my life a few times 🤣. I was wondering if any of you might know of a fic thats based on American Horror Story, Murder house. Its Baekhyun-centric and is ot12. I can’t find it anywhere and I need to read it again. Thanks!

7. Fingers Laced to Crown by seawitcher

201021. Hello! Hope you're doing well. So, i'm looking for a Kaisoo fic where Kyungsoo and Jongin are both princes i think, and they have an arranged marriage. Kyungsoo's family says that Kyungsoo has gone mad and treat him bad. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are his half brothers and although Kyungsoo is the oldest, Chanyeol is the crown prince. I remember almost the whole plot but not the title. I hope you can help me to find it. Thanks!

8. 

201025. hunhan searchhi! you guys are awesome and thank you for all the hard work. so i’m pretty desperate in finding this hunhan fic on aff. they’re childhood friends. one of them (prolly SH) used to chase theother when he was little. but in high school, LH was the one who kept pestering him. when they were in the shower LH tried to put SH’s hand on his nip but SH pulled away. LH told him Kris asked him out then LH went to a noodle shop and finished 5(?) bowls and sehun chased after him. thank you!

9. KEEP ME IN YOUR CORNER by boneshrine

201025. Hello, hello! I just want to say that I love this blog so very much, and we all really appreciate all of the staffs' hard work! I am looking for this one fic, though, and maybe you guys can help? It's a Baeksoo fic in which I think it was Kyungsoo is in an illegal fight club. And Baekhyun was kind of recruited to work for them as a medic, I think? I think Jongdae was the one who ran the club? Or something like that? I'm fairly certain I read it on AFF too. Thanks!

10. 

201025. hello i am looking for this baekyeol fic, i remember that chanyeol was famous in it and dating baekhyun but they could never go on dates because no one knew he was gay , so they go on a date but baekhyun dresses up as a girl and i guess people catch them but because no one knows who bbh is they think he's with a girl? if you can help me i'd really appreciate it thank you!!

11. cock envy by horse_exobooks

201028. gunabug: Hello lovelies! I've been trying to read a fic that I read a while back; I'm pretty certain it was Sehun/Kai, and I think Kai found a bunch of baby chicks, and they imprinted on Sehun? It's been driving me crazy all week. Thank you!

12.  pet au by incendir

201028. Hi! im looking for a hurt/comfurt fic with past abuse. I believe it was a either a hybrid!au or a slave!au where one of the members bought an abused hybrid/slave? There was a scene where the hybrid was gifted a collar but he thought it was so that he could punish himself. There was also a scene where the hybrid/slave got buried by his past owner. Sorry for being vague, I dont remember the pairing. I think it was baek/kai but im not sure. i also think it was posted on Tumblr, not AO3, thanks!!

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[sunnysidewrites]

Memorize and positive vibes💘💘💘

my bby i love u 💟💟💟💟

memorize: describe in detail the happiest day you’ve had this year.

(2017) honestly meeting my ults in person and creating this blog are tied! so i will explain both:

1. my boys b1a4 visited my city!!!! or the one closest near me, and it was amazing for so many reasons! typically my city isnt visited v often bc we get overshadowed by the other most known city in my state, and the fact that this was their actual 2nd visit to my city blew me away!!! they visited back in 2014 too but i dont think i would have been able to go anyways. i went w 2 of my closest friends n it was a such a blast!! i met this 1 girl from twitter n tht was cool LOL but it was more like she posted “hey guys im here at the venue come say hi to me!” so its not like we were mutuals, we just wanted to meet! it was a v v fun day despite waiting in the cold for several hours but it was sooo worth it!! when we got inside the venue, there was a cutoff starting at this one row n they said we could sit anywhere we wanted, so my friends n i snagged the front row seats asap LMAO and once more girls sat around us, we befriended a few and exchanged social media n stuff!! they were such lovely n amazing ppl, and i can happily guarantee u tht they will be all u meet in the bana fandom!! and ofc, when the actual concert started IT WAS LIT AS HELL!!!! (baro even used lit,,,, jfc save him) im still bitter as hell tht none of the members paid attention to my section except baro!!! so baro is the real mvp n hes now the only member in b1a4 whoops. im just kidding i still love my hubby jinyoung ofc but tht night baro was the only one who mattered LOL they wasted so many water bottles to get everyone wet ;) LOL IT DIDNT EVEN REACH WHERE I WAS BUT IT WAS STILL FUN!!! ok this got 2 long rip sorry i just get so excited :’(( they replayed their ending ment song 297492927 times n i still have pcd to this day. whenever i play good timing album, it makes me SUPER EMO!! anyways guys listen to “a lie” and u can then say u listened to gods

2. if u asked me in the beginning of 2017 if i wanted to make a blog, i would have flat out told u NO. and i did when i talked abt this w my friend. i was just so against the idea of managing a blog or regularly posting or just posting at all. she tried to coerce me but i was v against it! it was also amidst of my rock bottom times, so i didnt even wanna think abt running a blog or whatnot. i took a rlly long writing hiatus, but i wrote a lil in january and then took another hiatus n picked it up again in may. from may to july, i was writing more than usual, and i thought hmm,,,,,,, it wouldn’t be too bad to run a blog,,,,, right???? and it was on the night of wednesday, july 26, that i finally put an end to all the contemplation and spontaneously was like IMMA MAKE A WRITING BLOG. IMMA DO IT!!!! so thats how this blog came 2 be on july 26 @ 11pm and i posted my rules n shit when it was technically july 27 at like midnight or 1am. it was a rlly tough decision to make, but im rlly glad i did it in the end. sometimes this hellsite makes me wanna d*e but all the ppl ive interacted here, mutuals and anons, have been so wonderful n it always makes me happy whenever i think abt how much my life has changed since then. ive never gotten much feedback of my stories, save for maybe 2 or 3 ppl irl. when i uploaded that daycare helper!seungcheol, i was so convinced that it was just gonna be 20 notes max. when it reached 75 one day, i was like oH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. i actually have a shot!!! n when i posted vigilante!wonwoo, it BLEW TF UP. AND I WANTED TO CRY. i remember i was outside at tht time and my phone was just blowing up w notifs n i was gonna break down right then n there. it was so surreal to be hit w that much attention. n then all the mutuals came in later n thts when i rlly cried lmao anyways long story short, i don’t regret making this blog even tho sometimes it feels like crap, but i wouldnt have traded it for anything else

positive vibes: you’ve made it through another year! i’m so proud of you and my year wouldn’t have been the same without you

jane i freakn lov u so much thnk u cupcake :’(((( 💞💞💞💕💕💕💕

Send me more new year asks!

[avasilvugh]

super-sensate-seestras replied to your post

“Who do u think the superbabies will date?? :D (also since stella looks...”

I would love to hear more about Stella and Beth's relationship drama cause I absolutely love all of these breakdowns about the superbabies

WELL FRIEND there’s other drama too but this is the Major drama that hinders their relationship for a long time

so stella know she has a crush on beth, has been like aggressively ignoring said crush and tryin to Live Her Life and its been a year since stella came out, came to terms and she’s just started her nighttime shenanigans as a vigilante, just started trying to help the way kara does, the way maia does and its going ok???  until she.  you know.  gets stabbed (LIGHTLY STABBED) and is like hmmm i feel as though i should reassess maybe

and then beth’s back in national city after graduating early with like three bachelors (xenobiology, nanotechnology, and engineering) and at least one masters and a corresponding doctorate (in something sciencey, listen im barely an english major), working at l-corp bc she’s a Documented Genius and stella wants to step up her vigilante game, especially since she recently was lightly stabbed and doesnt rlly want that to happen again, and beth’s always been rlly calm and steady, very logical and she keeps all of maia’s secrets, so stella approaches her a little reluctantly to see if she’s willing to help and beth gives her this long, searching look and finally agrees, designs and builds her a new suit with a shitton of gadgets, is the main reason stella starts getting called mechagirl by the press but only helps with stella’s promise that beth can then help with actual missions bc like??  beth cares about her a lot too, doesnt want to see her die ya know??

and it’s weird??  bc now she’s friends with beth in her own right???  works alongside her a lot and beth serves as her tech person, finds her jobs she can do that supergirl or birdy (maia’s superhero alter ego) haven’t gotten to yet and national city gains a new superhero pretty much bc of beth.  and then its a late night of saving ppl and stella comes back to her apartment/headquarters and beth’s still there, wrapping up some end of night reports (she insists on keeping detailed logs in order to avoid any issues with the cops later on) and she’s ordered stella’s favorite takeout, put it in the oven to warm for her and stella’s so grateful and also pretty tired??  rlly tired and beth basically lives with her and sometimes the proximity blurs lines in stella’s mind and so she just leans down to kiss beth, murmurs thank you sleepily and goes into her room to change.  and beth’s just sitting there??  like oh my god, the girl i’ve been in love with for months just kissed me and she doesn’t even realize it but then stella REALIZES IT and runs back out like shit im so sorry beth, that was so inappropriate of me but beths like??  wait do you not like me and stella’s like WAIT DO YOU LIKE ME???? 

surprise!!  this is how stella finds out beth’s an alien and also how beth finds out stella’s an alien lmao.  like.  beth’s species has mental shields, similar to martians??  so stella’s never been able to read her or see in her mind but she never rlly tried to or even questioned it??  or even noticed bc she’s rlly empathetic anyway, reads body language rlly well, so she’s never known that beth likes her the way stella likes beth

like, later in their relationship, stella suddenly can read beth??  like rlly well and she’s like um what the hell and beth’s like oh, yeah, i stopped putting up the block and stella’s just like starry eyed like holy shit you trust me that much???  

beth’s like uh yeah but dont let it go to your head you nerd

but are they smart abt this and admit their v deep feelings for one another then??  no.  they just hookup and then keep hooking up, pretending like nothings changed, pretending like theyre not basically living together or doing all the shit Couples do but just refusing to tell anyone or acknowledge it at all.  and it’s ok for a while??  its solid

but then stella’s suit malfunctions, gives her a nasty burn down her side and she begs beth to not tell anyone that she’s in the hospital, that she’s been hurt and beth’s like shit, stella, i can’t keep doing this bc they’re working with a budget of about eleven dollars, a starburst, and stella’s bus pass, building with shit from the scrap yard and old electronics from secondhand stores and beth wants stella to just tell her family she’s the new vigilante bc then they’d have access to better resources, then beth wouldn’t be so scared every time stella runs out to go save a family from a burning car or stop a bank robbery, but stella refuses, knows that it would be a battle to be accepted like this.  

its a fight they’ve had for months before and then stella’s armor fucks up and beth just calls it.  tells her that she comes clean or beth won’t help her keep almost dying, so stella tells her that she doesn’t need her and beth moves all her shit out of stella’s apartment and its all rlly quiet, subdued and its so fucking sad

she takes the job offer she has at wayne security in charm city (wink wink) and doesnt tell stella, stella finds out when she goes over to her moms and finds beth there, with maia and her moms and finn, all laughing and grinning and maia tells her that beth is getting her own department at wayne security, that she’s moving on friday and stella fakes a smile, congratulates beth before she leaves and that’s the end of it, she never sees beth again

but then stella wrecks her motorcycle.  i think i mentioned once that stella is a little bit of an adrenaline junkie??  well she’s a huge adrenaline junkie and she was testing the limits of her newly redesigned bike, pushing it past 90, 120, 150 and then she just??  loses control of the motorcycle.  it just spins out and stella tries to stop it, turns into the spin and pumps the brakes which slows it down enough that she doesnt just fucking die, but not so much that she’s not close to dying

beth is still her emergency contact.  so beth gets the call, middle of the night, that stella danvers was in a wreck, is on the way to the hospital and that she should get here as soon as possible.  but beth is a ten hour drive away and can’t possibly know that she’d get there soon enough, be there if....if it came down to stella not being alone.  and.  well.  its not her place, never was.  so she calls lena, tells her the emts called the last number stella called bc its so much easier that way, kinder to everyone she thinks

she still drives through the night to national city.  gets there just a little after maia does, her eyes red and puffy from sobbing on the freeway, hands shaking a little.  thank god no one asks why she’s there or why she’s this panicked, bc she’d probably tell them and she knows that’s the last thing stella would want (or, well.  she thinks that at least).  maia just sobs out that beth is the best friend for coming, holds onto her in this desperate, damp sort of hug and beth just stays quiet

beth doesnt stay after she finds out stella woke up, is going to be okay.  she can’t right??  she shouldnt be here in the first place right??

so maia stays in national city to help stella in her recovery bc stella’s being stubborn and refuses to move back in with their moms, and maia figures most of her moping is to do with the fact she’s not allowed anywhere near her motorcycle anymore, but then she finds this one shirt that she knows is beth’s, knows beth has had since high school and its tucked under stella’s pillow and she puts it together pretty quickly.  the way they were friends and then all of a sudden they werent, the way beth came running back to nc the second stella got hurt, that weird pulse of anger, hurt she felt when stella found out beth was moving to charm city.  and like???  she doesnt know what to do with that information, she’s not sure what to feel or how to think about this so she just files it away for a later time, tucks the shirt back under stella’s pillow without saying anything

so eventually stella gets convinced to move back home, bc maia’s like hey.  i dont mind living with you and i dont mind helping you, but the neighbors are starting to think its weird that i carry you up the three flights of stairs to your apartment every day so finally stella moves home and maia comes with her bc they’re finally in a good place again??  they finally worked things out between them from when they were kids and maia’s not about to leave stella, not when stella’s like finally started seeing her as another Certified Safe Place.  so they’re back in their childhood bedrooms and then lena finds out about stella’s vigilantism.  mostly by accident??  stella’s still p much out of commission until her body’s at a 100 percent again but lena finds the mask and its a whole Thing between them, the first time stella’s ever really fought with lena and then by natural extension, kara finds out and then maia clues in and then the whole family has an opinion on it and stella’s just like MCFUCK OFF

and maia??  is like desperately scared for her sister, and she’s angry and she’s hurt that she didn’t tell her, didnt think that she would do anything to help her, but she also knows how isolated stella feels, how helpless she must be feeling, how stuck she is, so she calls beth

and when beth is beating around the bush with it, playing dumb like idk why you’d call me??  stella and i really aren’t that close, maia just calls her out on it like.  elizabeth, i know for a fact you were sleeping with my sister

oh

yeah, oh.  i have some words to share with you at a later date, but right now stella needs someone in her corner and that can’t be me 

and beth doesnt like.  doesnt even hesitate.  she drives her shitty beat up jetta the ten hours it takes to get from charm city to national city and gets a shitty hotel and is so, so nervous??  bc what if stella doesnt want her here??  what if she never wants to see beth again???  but then maia’s texting, saying that the house is empty if she wants to talk to stella and she does, she really does, like?  she didnt realize how big of a part of her life stella was until she was gone, until she had moved to a new city and met new people like she’s completely in love with stella, so she goes

stella opens the door and just stares for a second before she says that maia’s out for a while but beth just keeps looking at her and finally says it outright, says i’m here to see you, stella like its the most obvious thing in the world and stella’s so tired, she’s starting to close the door and she’s saying i dont need another lecture, i’ve had enough of those for a lifetime and beth lets her close it, knows her well enough to know she wont walk away from the door before beth does, so she calls through and says im not here to lecture you, stell.  i just.  i wanted to see you

the door opens

and its incredibly uncomfortable for a while, incredibly tense and when beth tries to ask her what’s going on, stella just hisses what, like you care?  and beth like??  normally would fire back with something, normally would let this blow up into a fight but she’s thought about it, she really has, and she knows that any time she can have with stella is better than no time at all.  that she’d rather take stella as she is, thrill seeking and too good for words and hard headed in the extreme, take the risks that come with her than have anything else.  so beth nods.  yeah.  i care.  i care a lot about you stella, and i shouldnt have forced you to make a decision like i did.  but its scary when the girl you love doesnt see the same value in her life that you do and it was terrifying watching you leave every night and not being sure if i would wake up to your face on the news

and stella’s like??  shit.  shIT, didn’t account for this at all.  but beth is very steady, is giving her this even-keeled look, keeping her eyes on stella but not forcing eye contact and she finally stands, gets ready to leave 

and she tells stella i love you.  and believe me when i say that transcends boundaries like platonic and romantic.  i love you, stella danvers, and i will always be here for you, in whatever way you want me to be and then she’s leaving 

and stella has a choice to make, two paths she can take and she stands a little unsteadily and grabs beth’s hand and pulls her back 

and she’s like im still pretty stupid, you’re aware of that, right?  and beth laughs, refutes the statement as she rests her forehead against stella’s.  you’re not stupid, stella, never stupid.  a little dense sometimes...  and stella laughs too before she admits, finally, i love you too, genius.  and i dont think i can keep doing this without you?  and she tries to backpedal, bc she’s worried she’s being manipulative or something but beth just shakes her head, says im going to kiss you now, ok?  and stella’s nodding fast, tears finally starting to fall when it all hits her and then they’re kissing for the first time in six months and theyre maybe still kissing when everyone comes home and maia groans bc like i texted you specifically so i could avoid seeing this ugh you guuuyyysssss

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 5 Confessionals

aw man i was looking forward to playing with adam

im starting an alliance to get out jordan pines

Wow so a lot has happened. First and most importantly, I HAVE AN IMMUNITY IDOL???? LIKE WHOEVER AT ULTA IS MY GUARDIAN ANGEL AND DECIDED TO GIVE THAT TO ME I LITERALLY OWE MY ENTIRE LIFE TO THEM. Maybe they thought I was in danger since I wasn't at the immunity challenge? I don't know what it was but damn and I glad they're looking out for me. Jordan Pines told me that Jay is a little weary of trusting me which is like ????? i've never given him any reason not to trust me but w/ever. I lowkey think Jordan may have said the same thing to Jay about me so that he has both of us not trusting the other and only trusting him: i see you Jordan Pines!!! Also my tribe is dunb because I need to sleep soon but mone of them are talking to me in the tribe chat so it's their fault I only have 4 songs for this challenge katiecan’t believe we won when ya’ll were all struggling to figure out what songs were in that sdhljshdsd

Get shook because Jay is in a good position early for the first time in 3 seasons! Everyone on this tribe thinks I'm their best friend and I love it. The plan going forward is to work with Jordan if we lose, or if we win and swap; get Katie, Charlotte, Carson, or Zach to work with me. If we lose, I'm gonna target Ryan. I think I have a better bond with Lexi than both Jordan and Luke. So maybe I'll be able to be Lexi's lifeline after that. If for some reason we don't swap and we lose again, I'll take my shot at Pines. But that seems unlikely. Winning twice seems mostly out of the question, but I think I'm in this game for the long haul. At least I hope I am.

we keep losing. Why? I don't usually lose challenges so its very weird for me to..... lose. It's getting harder each round too, like i had no intentions of voting adam off anywhere near this early but we had to. and if we lose again.... oh boy, not gonna be fun.

Wish a host would tell me: Congratulations! You did not earn a task but you did earn an Idol Clue! The Ulta Idol is located along the river on the bottom of the map. With this clue you have earned an additional guess this round!. Instead of: Congratulations! You found a Hidden Immunity Idol! However....you found the Copa idol. You have 1 hour to decide which member of the Copa Tribe gets this idol! DSFDSFHDSJFH! But anyways now that I know that its along the river on the bottom of the map I can have a better show I guess. I think we might lose this immunity due to us not being able to be on at the same time. So... YIKES

Okay so I just was informed that I received the wishing well task! My task wasn't super bad, and I told Carson/Charlotte about it. Was that a mistake? Yes. Charlotte and I are not on best terms right now, which i'll explain in a bit. I completed the task and got the Golden Rope. I think it may be really good, and i'm excited to use it in merge phase if I make it that far. If I get eliminated, i'll likely give it to Carson. I'm hoping we win immunity again though AJSDGK The reason why Char and I aren't on good terms is because I totally flipped on our alliance and voted her out in Kuang Si (a main season) and I feel shitty but ASJDGK anyway wee woo im stressed

i kinda shock myself with how fake i can be wow. like i stayed on call for 2 hours and 3 mins for that fucking guess who challenge talking to bryce charlotte and occasionally rtp i was just like..

like i just didnt wanna be yelled at for hanging up! but we did that, and i feel like i have a PRETTY decent game rn and going to tribal would fuck it up, so ill try working my connections

im pretty sure charlotte wants zach out?? like how petty do you need to be to get so mad that u want someone out in other games bc they voted u out to further their games. like?? whatevs, her problem. zachs definitiely my closest ally and i trust him. im rlly happy he got the golden rope even though im still bitter i didnt get my reward :) also at the wishing well i got an idol clue where apparently the idol is on the bottom river which whew!! im excited. hopefully i can get the idol at least.. really hope ulta can ride this momentum to the end. OH AND ALSO BRYCE GAVE THE COPA IDOL TOL UKE BC EVERYONE WAS FIGHTING FOR LUKE TO GET IT IN OUR ALLIANCE CHAT like i dont hate luke and i wouldve preferred for jay to get it but idc.

i feel good about this immunity challenge!

okay so we lost. we didn't even take 5 minutes out of our day to think about the challenge. we're kind of a lazy tribe just tryna have a good time. lexi didn't show up and luke had to go to bed waiting for her. but... it's not her fault we never set a time. but tbh she didn't even show up until after deadline. jay and jordan said luke's name on call with me when we finished the challenge. we seemed to have a fun time on the call so maybe their telling the truth. we do have our 4 person alliance with lexi so maybe that will save us.... also where this idol @ sis

this vote is gonna be between lexi and luke and honestly some how i hope i go home. pull the trigger

Thank god, we had won. Otherwise I think I would have been going home. Bad luck comes in threes, right

Wow so we won again.. Iconic!! So hoping we don't swap any time soon basicallly. Not doing much strategic gameplay other than staying social with my 4 and still talking to those outside of it. Us not going to tribal kind of makes my strategic options stagnant or at least they do to me lol

Okay so I'm pretty obsessed with ulta. I like that everyone for the most part is around and participating in chats and challenges. We all seem to gel really well. So far I think I'm the closest with Katie. We've bonded over how challenging these games are for old people like us with full time jobs. We're thinking of recruiting charlotte for an official 3 old people alliance. Then she can pick a 4th. If I had my way, our 4th would be Carson because I'm also pretty close with him and chat with him a lot. Okay I'll post another one of these later tonight

WE WON IMMUNITY! I'm so happy just because i've been stressing not only about this game, or any other game, but life itself. It's a BLEH. But to be immune for tonight, and knowing that an upcoming swap is likely, is kind of great. I'm hoping if so, the swap ends up in my favour. Nonetheless, I am going to try to use that time (or, if no swap, the time still) to enhance my social connections with various people. I feel great with Carson (as everyone likely does...) and okay with a few others, like Willow and Bryce and... personally, even Charlotte. I spoke to Charlotte tbh about what happened, and although we couldn't go in full depth about it, I wanted to justify and apologize for what happened, and I tried to make it clear that I wasn't going to relate the two games, and she said she wouldn't either. Is that likely? Maybe not. I will respect her decision though. ARGH GO ULTA TEAM WOO

So I'm telling Jordan and Jay about my idol because I really think it's going to help us in the upcoming vote. Right now as it stands, Ryan and Lexi are going to be voting for me and Jay/Jordan and myself would be voting for Ryan. However, that would leave one very pissed off and lonely Lexi without an ally. If we swapped or merged then Lexi would without a doubt flip on us and we would be screwed. If I tell Jordan and Jay to vote me out along with Ryan and Lexi, I idol myself and vote out Ryan, Lexi will believe that Jordan and Jay never flipped on her and will still trust them. If we end up swapping/merging then Lexi will still trust Jordan and Jay and we have a number moving forward where we wouldn't if they straight up flipped on Lexi. I hope...I don't get screwed :) 

What a suprise we lost.... again. This round is going to be interesting for sure. I think im safe but hoenstly who knows. Ryan is getting blindsided tonight in an unconventional way. We are all voting luke, luke is playing his idol... bye bye ryan. Should be fun

I've been tired and haven't put much into challenges and talked to much people bc I suck 

And I need a 2nd confessional

This is the first org I've ever played where I'm like "everything seems to be going too well" so I'm probably gonna get killed as soon as merge happens. Until then, I'm enjoying the high of my tribe winning everything except one challenge

haha I outlasted adam.. yes this is old news but it still feels good!

I wasnt around for the challenge but it feel great to win again

Our tribe doesn't really talk much unless we have a challenge due. Life at Ulta is boring today. I went hunting for treasure and all I found was a seashell. It was a sad day.