#so making friends has been a complete bust on my end. esp since so many things have been fucked up due 2 covid

[sapsolais]

there should be an app for making friends with other queer people in your area who also yearn and think too much

[unrealblacklightvirus]

Oh my phrasing was quite bad there, as it's mostly digging through old fics and stumbling across lost stuff. more halfassed fandom archaeology than comprehensive archive scrolling.

Basically i stumbled across the largely defunct prototype kinkmeme on livejournal, and saw someone mentioning a deleted fic by saeto15.

(I always forget abt kinkmemes when reading stuff from older fandoms, esp smaller ones since those can be quite limited in stuff uploaded to newer sites like ao3. though I wasnt really around during the livejournal days so... surprising amount of gen and joke fics on there honestly, a real timecapsule of early 2010s fandom humor)

later stumbled across the more general (though smaller) fic community on there, and noticed his account was a moderator... and also completely nuked (side note, but theres other fics on there as well that cant be accessed due to the OPs locking their posts to friends only, and i desperately want to knock on their door for access bc my curiosity knows no bounds)

did some general namesearching and noticed he's still around, presently hanging out mostly in the zelda and vulture culture communities lately.

managed to get into contact with him through his tumblr, asking if hes concidered reposting his old and deleted fics to ao3, and he is! they're just trapped on an old busted up harddrive, so he has to get that checked out to see if anything can be recovered from it.

in the meantime i'd been doing some more digging, having the common sense to just put prototype after his username this time, and noticed 2 things. 1: from what ive gathered he was pretty prolific for early 2010s prototype fandom, between moderating the fic community on LJ, mentions of his name popping up on the kinkmeme, and even seeing his name popup on the gamefaqs forums.

but more importantly for where this story is going is 2: an article on fanlore mentioning a prototype fanwork forum he helped start called Viral Mutants Anonymous.

another one two with this one,

1: since the forum started on fanfiction, i now had a direct link to his old FF account. turns out the reason i couldnt find it was bc it just doesn't have the 15 at the end, it's just Saeto. it's got some fics and favourites on it, including that one fic someone back on the kinkmeme was looking for, hidden away at the second chapter of a drabble collection (the fic in question is Touch. its gen and honestly really good and makes me feel emotions) i mentioned this to saeto, as it meant at least some things were confirmed to be saved even if the harddrive recovery went up in flames. though he did confirm my suspicion that not all the prototype fics he wrote were posted to FF. and most likely, the place they WERE uploaded to was...

2: the forum. theres 3 links for this thing on fanlore: the original FF forum which is still up, a shortlived one on createforum that was quickly abandoned due to site instability, and a phpbb forum, which was known to be up as late as may 2019, but has since died for reasons im unsure of.

the createforum version only has 2 archives on the wayback machine that i can access, which genuinely show nothing but how many people were online at the time

the phpbb link has more stuff archived, havent clicked around too much yet, but i do know the fic and art threads have sadly never been archived, and all ive got to work off of so far is some topic titles and forum layout, though i do want to do more digging.

and that leaves us where we are right now. i do have some more things i want to dig into. one is the forum on fanfiction, as i havent really dug around that too thoroughly. as well as scouring for more archived pages on the phpbb forum.

theres also the 4chan thread mentioned on the intro to the kinkmeme, which seems to be its precursor. hesitant as i am to touch 4chan with anything more than a 10ft pole, and honestly not even knowing where to start since im wholly unfamiliar with the site structure as a result, im curious as to what got uploaded there, as it HAD to be 2009 ish given the date the kinkmeme started, making it early early days.

along with that i still want to message some users from the livejournal prototype fic board to politely ask to see their old stuff. i've started digging through the internet archive and am concidering touching 4chan in my quest for knowledge at this point, so i might as well gather up the courage to message people at this point.

but yeah, thats what my dig has amounted to. an early 2010s fandom rabbithole of deleted fics and art that i stumbled across entirely bc i got bored and felt like perusing to early 2010s hornyposting for shits and giggles like a weird tourist

probably not what you were hoping for, but at least my slow descent into madness mightve been somewhat entertaining

(side note, apologies for my wildly inconsistent punctuation, i am simply vomiting words into your askbox here)

holy shit anon this is incredible. i am far too afraid to contact anyone even if that means I lose out on reading old fics 😭😭😭 but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! I dont get much activity on here anymore so this was a welcome sight

[scientia-rex]

I am taking a migraine day/mental health day and also it snowed, and I have been swimming through a Jell-O sea of depression lately but also things aren’t that bad? Like, if it weren’t for the horrible depression--and MAN, did I pick a good time to start antidepressants! I cannot IMAGINE trying to do this fall and winter without them!--I think I’d be relatively happy. COVID ruins everything, of course, but I’ve been just merrily hyperfixating on makeup and the fun thing about makeup is you get to do it kind of whenever you want to because it washes off??? and also skincare, which I’ve kind of abandoned the low-key stuff and now I’m like LASERS! TO! MY! FACE! and the lasers are going fairly well! Let me know if you have questions about face/body lasers, I’m happy to do a post, esp since I just wrote a super long series of messages to a dear friend who asked me about them.

I also got an instagram which is HILARIOUS to me. I don’t take that many photos, but the fact that the vast majority of them are of my dog is actually a plus on Insta and not a minus.

I got a shipment of Kevyn Aucoin makeup today. I really wanted to try the “neo-blush,” which is a gradient from lighter to darker slightly purple-toned pink. I should just suck it up and get a full-on purple blush, because it turns out I fucking love purple, I want to wrap myself up in purple and roll around in it until the end of time, and also it looks nice on me. I’ve heard the Clinique purple blush is a nice wearable one. It’s 26 bucks though! I have a hard time turning off the high-school-me voice in my head that had to seriously debate whether I could afford the one-dollar eyeliners from Wet n Wild. (WnW: still a good, solid brand. Currently make one of the best neutral daily lipsticks for me.)

Anyway, hyperfixations, thank God for them, what the fuck else would I do with my life. I may someday finish a fic but probably not soon. I have a completed rough draft of a Birds of Prey vid. I’m behind on my Epic inbox, but honestly, what doctor (resident or not) isn’t? And today I smell fucking fantastic, because in honor of the snow day I busted out my Cartier “Declaration” perfume, and now I smell like someone wrapped a Christmas tree in hugs. (Cartier’s perfumes are way lower-tier pricing than their jewelry. Similarly, Givenchy’s jewelry is quite low-priced compared to their clothing lines or fragrances. It’s interesting to me how brand cachet doesn’t necessarily translate over.)

I’m trying to get away from the cycle of NSAIDs perpetuating headaches, so I’m NSAID free today, which means the only solution to my headache has been caffeine. So I’m a little energetic. But it’s fine! It’s fine. IT’S FIIIIIINE. I shouted at my faculty in a meeting yesterday. I was not shouting ABOUT them, but I yelled, “I’m SICK OF THIS SHIT!” at the top of my lungs and afterwards everyone was VERY CAREFUL around me and I ended up apologizing to everybody later. So. Like. Depression. It’s a thing! I have it. A lot, right now. But at least I have a cool new face highlighter I’m trying out.

[littlehollyleaf]

GOTHAM S05E04 “Ruin”

okay listen I know other stuff happened in this episode and it was even stuff I enjoyed and was interested in (like - WTF jeremiah??!) but I don’t have time to talk about any of that when there is SO.MUCH.FOXMA.AWESOMENESS to squee over (and you can’t say I didn’t warn you)

fyi - I’ve incorporated MULTIPLE VISUAL AIDS to assist in my flail!

let’s start by going through my FOXMA WISHLIST because there is WAY MORE to check off it that I thought possible in one hit!

Touching - bonus points if it’s beyond practical, like Foxy resting a hand on Eddie’s arm to offer comfort or Eddie gripping Foxy to emotionally steady himself

they flunked on the bonus points but still, FUCKING CHECK!

and you know what? I’m awarding A WHOLE SET OF DIFFERENT BONUS POINTS for Luscious Lucius Fucking ‘down boy I’m in charge’ Fox fucking MANHANDLING ED LIKE IT’S NOTHING because it’s EVERYTHING I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED IN MY LIFE and didn’t even think to put on the list omgomg!

like... I’ve seen a TON of fic and fanart with Foxy being physically dominant with Ed and I do think it makes all the sense characterisation-wise, but for some reason I’d never properly envisioned/embraced it as part of their ship/dynamic (perhaps because in my one and only fic I had Eddie being more dominating when it came to physical stuff due to various contextual reasons... or maybe because we’ve never actually seen Foxy get physical with anyone in canon before, aside from wacking Alvarez with that chair that time, after which he looked frazzled as opposed to the glorious calm and in control he is here so it didn’t really convey his ability to be so.... UNF. while physically taking charge...   idk)

(god I could watch this gif all day honestly....)

(it’s the way Foxy doesn’t hesitate, he’s just - BAM! I’m in control now)

(and juxtapositioned with Eddie’s epic flailing so they are just so perfectly, beautifully opposed)

(then the way Eddie, on seeing it’s Foxy, JUST.FUCKING.TAKES.IT, his fear and flailing dropping all at once as he submits and just holds himself all still and expectant under the hold, clearly THRILLED it’s Foxy who’s found him)

(and Foxy is only using his GODDAMN FINGERTIPS FOR FUCKS SAKE, so firm and commanding with so little effort I just - *fans self*)

(shit we’re only on point one and I’ve spent forever - strap in everyone!) 

Speaking in tandem - ie. figuring out the same thing simultaneously and excitedly shouting out the answer together 

Actually the talking in tandem one is really important to me so I’m adding it again

Okay the talking in tandem doesn’t have to be them figuring out the same thing, it could just be them reacting the same way to something and discovering they are like-minded

FUCKING CHECK!! The one thing I WANTED THE MOST, SO MUCH I PUT IT ON MY LIST THREE WHOLE TIMES. FUCKING CHECK??! ALREADY??!

Lucius: Unless whatever ignited those heated oil tanks - Together: - smashed through that window

(guys pls though look at the above travesty, I only have MSPaint, for the love of god someone gif this??)

I really can’t... there aren’t words for how ecstatic I am about this! 

I was watching with my good friend @enchantersnight, who will attest that I squealed and grabbed her in excitement (which she took with good grace considering she didn’t even know about The List, so must have thought I was just being a mad woman for no reason :p)

And the way they both wave their hand at the window together. And Foxy’s little satisfied nod because he’s not thinking of Ed as a criminal in that moment, all he’s thinking is ‘fuck yeah we just cracked it.’ And they both turn their heads all synchronised because they are so perfectly on the same wavelength, so completely lost in solving the mystery, the parts of themselves that match are so beautifully ALIGNED! 

Showing how they are similar people in many ways - check and check!   

Foxy telling Ed he is a genius and pleading with him to use his intellect for the greater good

K, we’re not all the way there, but HALF A CHECK, because -

Plus he explicitly said he needed Ed’s ‘expertise.’ All of which amounts to acknowledging (and appreciating!) Ed’s genius, so -! *hearts eyes*

(this set covers it perfectly XD)

...and there is still time for Foxy to plead with Ed to use his genius for good *crosses fingers*

Eddie calling Foxy ‘Lucius’ just the once as part of a serious, emotionally charged moment

Not really what I was going for (I was thinking more Ed yelling his name out of fear for Foxy, or as a desperate plea for Foxy to help him), but A+ for effort for Eddie’s wild yell for ‘Lucius’ here -

Because I love the fact that Eddie was so caught up in working the case at this point that he wanted to keep helping even without personal incentive :)

(aside: Eddie you bad bad bad man killing that innocent old lady though, that was really NOT NECESSARY, pls! ...but it was also somewhat hilarious, in a black comedy kind of way :p 

see - THAT’S the level of villainy/immorality I’m happy for Eddie to exist in, killing/torturing/maiming individuals, even innocent ones, yes, cool, because Eddie IS NOT A GOOD PERSON... but... not killing hundreds of innocents, including CHILDREN, in one hit, that’s... that’s a different kind of villainy, you know?)

One/either thinking the other is dead and being relieved to learn they are alive

Again, not quite. But Foxy does comment in the filing room that he thought Ed was dead. No, he doesn’t show any kind of relief that Eddie ISN’T, but since it’s now canon that Foxy somehow learnt of Ed’s supposed demise this opens up avenues for plenty of headcanons :) 

Because - WHEN did Foxy hear that Ed was dead? and HOW? and even WHY? Was he ACTIVELY LOOKING for news on Ed because he personally WANTED TO KNOW? Did it MATTER to Foxy if Ed was alive or dead? Did he feel a pang of sorrow/regret on hearing the news at the fate of a man he saw potential in to be better and wished that somehow Ed’s life could have been different?

(look, Occam’s Razor suggests Jim was probably looking for news on Lee and heard back that both she and Eddie died in the Narrows and THAT’S how Foxy heard about Ed’s death, but SSSSHHHH - I’m gonna imagine Foxy was making quiet enquiries for himself and no-one can stop me!)

PHEW!

We made it to the end of the points on my Wishlist that got fulfilled. 

KUDOS SHOW

Now - let’s talk about THE OTHER STUFF that was amazing!

Like -

Lucius RELEASING ED and HOLDING HIM IN PLACE JUST BY POINTING A FINGER AT HIM LIKE FUUUUCK!

And again there’s no fucking hesitation. The SHEER CONFIDENCE Foxy has that he CAN AND WILL exert this much power over Ed just. Wow. Just wow.

...there’s something interesting to make of this maybe actually...because Foxy...wasn’t this...commanding, with Ed before. No he was never intimidated, but during the whole riddle crime spree and the confrontation with Harvey on the stairwell Foxy was... nervous around Ed? Like Ed was a live wire or dangerous animal, someone Foxy found a little UNPREDICTABLE and thus was less firm and more pleading with? But NOW... 

okay, the stakes are different here ofc - before there were lives on the line and Foxy’s interaction with Ed was the one thing that could save them, so that pressure would have made him hesitant to try and take control...

yeah, that’s it isn’t it - Ed needs a viable threat in order to exert power/control over Foxy (and anyone really)

but without that threat the balance of power absolutely lies with Foxy (so obviously here, with Eddie unarmed and in such a state of disarray! but was also true in that scene with them at the GCPD lab when Eddie was investigating the Red Hood Gang)

Then also EDDIE’S.FUCKING.SMILE!! 

Anyone else displaying this much power over him, exposing his vulnerability, his ‘inadequacies’ (so Eddie might see it), would surely make Eddie furious, scared even perhaps - he might rail against them, scowl, try to fight or run. 

But here with Foxy he just FUCKING SMILES. He is so GODDAMN HAPPY to have been caught by FOXY. He doesn’t try to fight or escape because HE WANTS TO HAVE A MOMENT WITH FOXY, he WANTS TO BANTER. Because, dare I say, he LIKES BEING IN FOXY’S POWER??

Likewise when Foxy busts out the blackmail THIS is Eddie’s reaction

THIS -

Just look at him he’s FUCKING DELIGHTED that Foxy has been smart enough to immediately suss out Ed’s desire for the file is something he can exploit.

And then the way he kinda gleefully tries to figure out what Foxy could possibly want from him - I ADORE IT. 

Because it’s become a GAME to Eddie now ofc - he and Foxy playing off each other. 

And it’s a delicious blend of Foxy being all controlling and also flippant in the way he talks to Ed, thus him gently leading Ed into taking it this way, and also Eddie’s clear respect and personal interest in Foxy making him inclined to put a positive spin on the situation, to find it enjoyable. And like... it doesn’t feel esp planned or manipulative on Foxy’s part? Their reactions to each other just feel... genuine? Obviously Foxy IS trying to convince Ed to help him but... the way he speaks to him and looks at him... it just feels like Foxy being NATURAL with Ed to me? Like, he’s not spending all the time carefully choosing his words and behaviour, calculating what he needs to do to win Ed over, he’s just... going with the flow? Reacting to Ed... in the way he WANTS to, and Ed is doing the same? 

Sure they’ve both got end goals they want to achieve, but during their banter those almost seem secondary, just for moment, to the mutual enjoyment they are getting from their interaction?

And yes, mutual - look at this and tell me Foxy isn’t having fun as well!

Other great things about this scene -

Eddie calling Foxy ‘the second smartest man in Gotham’ <3 <3 Absolute proof he respects Foxy’s intellect :D

Eddie trying to surprise grab the file from Foxy’s hands. Because LOL. Foxy’s dry ‘...why?’ and shake of his head at Eddie’s childish antics totally makes it! Plus the way Eddie makes one last half-hearted grab before his eventual ‘fine.’ 

@vampirebillionaire pointed out it’s kinda crazy Eddie was able to physically capture a Street Demon thug, but can’t muster enough strength to yank a file from a scientist :p 

I like your suggestion, Daisy, that this adds to the ‘mind controlled Eddie’ theory - ie. when Eddie is under the influence he becomes more physically capable perhaps.

May I also suggest another possibility - that the file grab was just for show? Because Eddie desperately WANTS to team up with Foxy for a bit. But he has to convince himself it is absolutely his ONLY OPTION in order to do so? Because Eddie is a confused and repressed and psychologically mixed up prawn and can’t accept just wanting to work with Foxy just because. Plus a blackmail scenario/game has already been established. So to Eddie’s mind the only way that makes sense for him to work with Foxy in this moment is for Foxy’s blackmail to hold up. Meaning before Eddie can agree he has to establish that he CANNOT get the file by other means? Hence all the huffing and puffing and extra lunge at the end - it’s all him adding to the pretence?

...idk it’s prob too involved for what the show was actually going for, but it crossed my mind :p Felt like ‘Riddler logic’ you know? And involves a bit of theatrics, and Eddie lying to himself...

Anyway, the other PHENOMENAL THING about this scene -

I am given and I am taken, 

I was there from your first breath 

and I will follow you until your death

You know, that riddle for ‘name’ that clever fandom people cleverly extracted from the voice over line in that dramatic pre-S05 promo? (’I will follow you until your death’) The one that lots of us were taken by because of the vague, possible nygmobblepot associations? (and some of us, ahem, one of us, even used to title a fic), but that was also suspected to be a possible exchange between Ed and a hallucinatory version of himself - maybe being about how the name and/or persona of ‘Riddler’ has been with Ed all along and will be part of him until he dies.

WELL TURNS OUT EDDIE SAYS THAT RIDDLE TO FOXY CAN YOU BELIEVE??

I mean, look, I know it’s just a riddle for plot purposes. But that doesn’t change the fact that Eddie, CANONICALLY, stands there, INCHES from Foxy -

STARING DEEPLY INTO HIS EYES, voice slightly whispery and husky

and he tells him

I WILL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOUR DEATH

I Just -

And they fucking end liKE THIS GUYS -

Literally POINTING AT FOXY LIKE HE’S MAKING A PROMISE?? (and oh shit I just thought is he pointing at Foxy’s HEART?? ...also does this technically fit my bonus point for touching? hotdamn)

And look at Foxy’s smile! Yeah it’s mocking but... maybe in a FOND way??

All - ‘name, the answer’s ‘name’ Ed, but you had to make a song and dance out of it didn’t you, you dork?’

*dreamy sigh*

Other stuff -

Eddie investigating the crime scene and working it all out was some GENUINE PI RIDDLER SHIT right there *swoon*

I love the way Foxy just steps back and lets Ed get on with it. I flail over Eddie showing his respect for Foxy, but there was real respect in Foxy for Ed here, which was beautiful <3

On the rooftop - *hearts* over Eddie genuinely praising Foxy for figuring out it was the exact spot of the shooting from angles etc, showing he CLEARLY rates Foxy’s intelligence very high :) Only for Foxy to admit that he worked it out because he noticed the weapon’s casing had been left behind :p (which - SLOPPY of blacked out Ed now I think about it?). That was both a fun gag, lightly highlighting how Eddie sometimes misses the obvious and reaches for the most complex option when a much simpler one is on hand (making his advice to Oswald way back when about how sometimes the simpler solution is best really just... lolz... take your own advice Eddie, pls), as well as, I think, maybe hinting that Eddie really may be SMARTER than Foxy on a purely intellectual level - because it was potentially suggesting that Foxy could ONLY tell it was the right place because of the weapon case and might not have been able, at least as fast, to have worked out the angles etc like Eddie did. Maybe...

Eddie telling Foxy in complete seriousness that he hopes Foxy finds the criminal and makes them pay - playing out just like I hoped in the tags over here after seeing the Eddie preview clip of the episode, yes win!

(#holly you're an idiot going to the gcpd is how ed is gonna team up with foxy it's an excellent plan!!! #...I bet that 'make them pay' line in the trailer fits here #ed is talking about helping foxy found the haven bomber and how they should make them pay #but ~plot twist Eddie - it was you!! #yus I like that #pls be true!)

aside: Foxy now has that weapon case and is going to see if it has clues as to the perpetrator - Eddie thinks it won’t but I wonder... while blacked out Eddie left himself a message... I wonder if it’s possible he may have left the weapon case on purpose in the HOPE that he will be found out? that someone will catch him and put a stop to him being mind controlled??

...in any case, this opens up the possibility of Foxy finding out the shooter was Ed and OMG I HAVE ~HOPES AND DREAMS ABOUT THAT

In my hopes and dreams Foxy simply DOES.NOT.BELIEVE that Eddie would/could have committed such a crime, at least not willingly. And especially since Ed literally helped him solve the crime and he saw and heard Ed be GENUINELY affected by the crime enough to want the criminal to pay - and yes, sure, Ed could have been playing him and faking that, getting a kick out of giving Foxy clues to his own crime, but Foxy just feels sure Ed was being honest on that rooftop, that he really didn’t seem to know he was responsible, and it convinces Foxy there is something much more sinister going on here...

*CROSSES FINGERS TIGHT*

(omg - we know Babs gets Eddie at some point... WHAT IF Foxy ends up trying to save Eddie from her??! UGH IT’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN BUT WHAT A DREAM! Foxy could even go to Oswald maybe to get help saving Ed, maybe providing evidence that Ed is in fact innocent... and in doing so he frees Ozzie from any personal anguish he might be suffering due to believing that Eddie really did commit the crime perhaps? even less likely, but I’m gonna roll with it for now :p)

Right one last thing. I did also have on my wishlist a proviso of the ‘talking in tandem’ thing -

When they talk in tandem they have to finish smiling at each other

Obviously this didn’t happen (POINTS DEDUCTED!!). 

But then, we did get THIS as their final moment so ALL IS FORGIVEN -

In conclusion

I am dead

Gotham?

(here’s hoping for the remainder of the Wishlist in their next episode together! :p)

[sufferthesea]

Transitional Period

Okay so I feel really lame writing this but I think it's also important. I keep apologizing for not being super active on this blog anymore, and there's a number of reasons I haven't. Most of it has been health related but anyway. I started this blog because I hated my other blog and wanted to do something new with a fandom I'd been in for a long time (10+ years), so after talking with Katie ( @shiranuigenma ), I decided to create this Naruto blog. But it wasn't intended to be just a Naruto blog, but that's how it kind of ended up since that's what I was into when I made it.

The fact that I've kept this a 98% Naruto blog is awesome because my attention span and energy allotted for a fandom is around 3-4 months. After that I usually get bored or burnt out and have to find something else. Making friends and participating in things like Kakashi Week, and just doing art and writing fanfics, has helped me to maintain interest in this blog for a lot longer than I thought I would. So thank you!! You guys are awesome!!!

(Okay real quick I'm not quitting lol. I know it sounds like it. But I'm not.) Basically, I was getting so burnt out on Naruto that I was dreading getting on this blog and I didn't want to watch it anymore. That's why I've been MIA. I literally only follow Naruto blogs at the moment. I don't want this to become a trash blog like my last one that I abandoned, so I'm still going to be kind of selective with what I reblog. Anyway. To combat the staleness and burnt out feeling I had, I got into a few other shows with my friends and that's really all I've been watching (RWBY, RvB, and YouTube if you're curious). It sounds dumb but it's really helped me a lot because I'm not so exhausted and wearing myself out trying to be ~the cool singular fandom blog~ that I'm really not meant to be. (Yo, major kudos to those who can do that.)

So anyway, 2018 has been not super unkind, but very tough for me. You grow from challenges, right? But it's also important to not be challenging yourself 24/7 for 6 months straight with little sleep and locking yourself away in your bedroom. I am not Maito Gai. I cannot do that. So here's a few things about my blog that'll carry us into summer 2018 and hopefully allow me to be more active and not so stressed and sad!!!! Esp since I still don't have a job even tho I'm looking!! And I'm getting tired of ppl telling me “Well just get a job??? Just go get hired???” like !!! what do you think I am doing???

Requests are now closed indefinitely. I'm going to finish up the few I have, but after that I'm closing them. They were super fun but I have so many things backlogged that it hasn't been as fun anymore. I send love and thanks to all those who sent in requests while they were open! It was a fun experiment and I got to really test myself by writing for characters I don't normally write for!

Writing commissions are closed indefinitely.  I’ll complete the one I have, but then that’ll be it for now. These too were also fun and challenged me more than anything else I've done. I got to write some very unique and difficult topics and I'm so thankful for those who trusted me enough with their stories to do this. However, the amount of time and mental energy it took was too much and severely underselling myself made it difficult to justify the time I was spending. (I've read writers should charge around 1 – 3 cents a word. I was charging $0.001 cents a word lmao. Whoops. I actually don't mind but it is hard to make a living like that.)

Art commissions are still OPEN! And btw, I do have a ko-fi. I'm thinking about doing something like, one coffee = one bust of your character of choosing? (which is same price as commissions whoops lol.) Idk yet. I won't be doing any writing for ko-fi, though.

I was going to create a side blog for the other fandoms I'm in but side blogs are tedious and annoying to manage so I'm probably just going to start posting stuff here. If you don't want to see it, you can start blacklisting tags now. I'll be tagging things as #rwby, #rvb, #not naruto (that's my catch-all tag for anything, uhh, not Naruto). Expect a lot of Ozpin, Qrow, Church, and Washington because even tho I was inactive here, it does not mean I stopped hoeing around in other fandoms. Oh, also expect an occasional #game grumps because #dan avidan is way cute.

I'm also going to be posting fanart for other fandoms here too. It's been nice to draw stuff other than Nardo. I'll still be doing Naruto stuff (I have a ton of Naruto projects I'm working on) but silly little doodles will probably be from RWBY.

I'm also in this weird kinda scary period in my life with school and career options. I have a degree in English and it's always been assumed I'd be a teacher but I don't want to be?? I realized recently that I love to draw and I'm getting quite good at it (with the help of my sister who is my own real-life youtube tutorial for SAI), so both my sister and I are going back to college for a Studio Art degree. I'm thinking about getting into animation and I'm scared because it's not a secure or “traditional” job??? I'm scared because I'm not settling on a job I don't want or a field I just assumed I'd go into. I'm not good with big changes or going into things when it's uncertain, so I'm like ….. /anxiety increases/ But I'm hoping it'll be good.

Just as an extra bullet point and a reminder, I still really love Kakashi, Iruka and Obito, and all my other guys!! Don't think I forgot about them!!

Sorry this is 10 million years long but it was important to me to write all that. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reblog your art or fics and comment on them. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you guys and responded to messages. I'm sorry I'm not as active. I've just been figuring stuff out and hanging out with friends, and watching other things so I don't grow to despise Naruto lol. So. That's about it. I probably forgot something.

Oh, I have 21 plants growing in my windowsill. 2 are decorative and the other 19 are going to go in my garden in the backyard bc they’re herbs and vegetables. And I'm going to cosplay for the first time next month and I might meet the voice actor for kid Obito. So. There's that.

[aeroknot]

@yellowflasher​ said: tell me abt this show bc i have been thinking of watching it

ahhhhh!! i’m so glad you asked me to talk about this show!! haha

as usual I’m a fucking insufferable, over-talkative spaz!!!

ummmmm ok!! it’s kinda like... Jessica Jones mixed with Tombstone mixed with Grimm?? and X-files as far as Monster of the Week and agents who pine for each other goes? & i’ve seen peeps compare it to Supernatural but I never watched that so... SHRUG. 

so the premise is that our wonderfully complex anti-hero chick wynonna earp returns to her hometown of Purgatory (somewhere in the U.S. near Canada; I personally think Montana because it’s the most western state bordering Canada (in the first ep Wynonna asks a fellow bus passenger “your first time out west?”) that’s not Washington or Idaho, bc neither of those seem like its setting esp. since Idaho is just a sliver of the whole border, tho it could be North Dakota or Minnesota I guess?--  EH it’s kind of not been touched on as far as I know and anyway it doesn’t matter shut up aero just---). she is the great-great grandaughter of wyatt earp, the righteous 19th century wild west u.s. marshal raining down hellfire on USDA grade A Assholes. but then he’s cursed!! and his kills are actually cursed in hellfire!! even if they’re killed, they resurrect from hell the next time a new heir turns 27 if not all of them have been defeated, and they’re demons trapped within the borders of Purgatory (har har go figure), or in the show’s terms, also called Revenants. earp had a renown 77 kills, and the only way to break the curse is for his heirs to hunt down and shoot all 77 kills before the heir dies-- the heirs have the power to wield his mystical gun Peacemaker which sends Revenants back to hell. wynonna is our fantastically loveable resistant heroine because she was never meant to be the heir-- her older sister, the firstborn, was supposed to be, but shit went down (which got her ostracized and locked up in psychological institutions) and now she is the heir. and I’ll move on from synopsis to opinions because I don’t want to start spoiling anything and the show should just speak for itself!

reasons I’ve enjoyed it!!!:

Wynonna Fucking Earp. early on I described her as a “slightly perkier” Jessica Jones. That was wrong-- in the SLIGHTEST part. she is a WAY WAY PERKIER Jessica Jones. and I fucking cannot get enough of it. Like... Dark-haired leather-jacket-wearing harrowed-past-having orphaned-and-outcasted-as-children anti-heroes are mostly typically supposed to be deadpan, snarky, grumpy, sexily standoffish, and often secretive and hard to read, and only rarely invested in others. And she is that, often, yet SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. She is: GOOFY!! CRASS!! EMBARRASSING!! PLAYFUL!!!! She smiles a lot!!! She celebrates victories! She cracks jokes! She expresses her desires upfront and unabashedly, and without games! She is emotionally vulnerable with loved ones and friends and grows even more in this throughout! She actually asks people for support and comfort!! & She busts balls endearingly! She’s courageous and helpful! She’s brash and brazen--and yeah, this gets her scolded by others, but rarely does it feel like she’s punished for her impulsive heroics by her writers, as I often feel (male) writers of female heroes (or usually side-heroes) tend to do (probably she’s not punished because mostly women are writing this story, gee isn’t that weird? hah). There’s consequences, yeah, but it usually works out and she’s still the hero ultimately. She’s basically the plucky hero wrapped in anti-hero fodder, and I have completely fallen for her. She makes me laugh so much with her dialogue and makes me feel represented with how WEIRD she ultimately gets to be. Plus, she is emotionally vulnerable almost every episode, and her sister even succinctly chides her with “for a lone wolf, you sure are needy.”

getting to that, HER SISTER!!! Waverly is amazeballs. I think she even used the term amazeballs in an episode, recently-- she’s that amazeballs. She’s still growing a lot, but she’s definitely quintessential underdog baby sister, and I’m here for it, because she’s also reinforced as an integral part of the story and gets her own romance even before Wynonna and it’s so wonderful. Waverly constantly has a new skill or tidbit of information up her sleeve-- she’s inventive, thorough, super super damn nerdy, and also social and kind and popular. Plus, she’s with Nicole Haught (and I just cannot get over the playfulness of some of these names in the story, lmao) and they’re just fantastic together and I’m so happy to see them together every time. So far it’s good lesbian content. My face honest to god always cracks into a smile when they’re together. also um!! i want her entire wardrobe!! 

The Earp Sisters are just... Their sisterhood is so rich and complex and SATISFYING. Like I actually feel like I’m watching REAL SISTERS. They are gross and raunchy with each other, and I laugh so hard. They are sweet and supportive to each other and I cry. They are competitive and jealous and conflicted with each other, and I’m relieved to see this-- to see all these layers to them. It’s great writing and acting for a sister bond and I’m just excited to see sisterhood being such an integral theme for a t.v. show. 

the SYFY effects are sometimes silly but I still enjoy it. the ENTIRE CONCEPT is actually pretty silly and sometimes goes cheesy, even, but I still am endeared by its approach just the same. The storyline itself is... often confusing me, and I LIKE that, believe it or not. I don’t mean “confusing” as in the plot doesn’t make sense-- it does-- I mean “confusing” in the sense that it’s, hm, how should I say... I guess kind of disjointed? There’s always a Random Revelation thrown in suddenly, or weird Twist that literally had NO foreshadowing, and often it seems like the story progresses with big chunks of time in between episodes which can be hard to place and pace the action and relationship developments... Usually I’d probably nitpick all this, but actually, it keeps me very transfixed because usually I can completely predict what will happen next due to a show’s use of foreshadowing, but this show often completely bypasses such a dance with the audience, and though I sometimes question if that’s effective storytelling, I honestly think I’m really starting to respect this method, and so I want to stick around for it. I could probably go into way more detail with this, but then I might start spoiling things, so I’ll leave it at that. Someone who constantly predicts the “reveals” in a show, even at an episode-by-episode pace, gives this a seal of approval!! Nothing “revealed” is particularly earthshattering and it’s often given away in such a matter-of-fact tone, but it propels the story in interesting ways without a ton of hoopla in trying to ever pull one over its audience, and I like and respect that. They’re like “oh fuck! This weird idea we had is A Thing now. Let’s explore that more together, viewers!!”

(I will say some of the deaths are not as effective as I think they could be because of the above evaluation of the approach to plot/pacing/twists/reveals, but I’m still interested in those choices. brings me to a legit critique tho: they should uh... stop killing so many Cool Women right after immediately introducing them. It’s starting to worry me. :\ but also...? I’m trusting? I think? still? anywho!)

I’m a Tombstone-loving Fuck and Doc Holliday is one of my favorite real-person enigmas of history and this Doc Holliday incarnation is supremely gratifying. He is consistently entertaining and intriguing!

I was initially all in for Holliday and THEN FUCKING DEPUTY MARSHAL XAVIER DOLLS CAME FOR MY WHOLE HEART. Go! Look at his special eyes! Look at his HEART EYES at my DAUGHTER WYNONNA. He has my whole approval. I’ll buy the ring for him. I’ll plan the proposal. DO IT.

-- ok aside from my shipping bullshittery also Dolls is just. An amazing guy. I love him. He’s a boss in so many senses of the word, and he constantly surprises me. I feel like he’s... A Capital-A Adult? You know? He’s mature, and methodical, and clever, and talented, and confident. It’s funny to me that he’s called “the stick in the mud” and yet through small tidbits we see he’s really not (he can be playful or perverted, too), he’s just Grown. A Man. Focused, with an Agenda and a Goal. It’s lovely to see him come out of his shell a bit and be cheeky and then at the end of S1 just like... OPENLY ADORE the people he’s around. But it’s also a breath of fresh air somehow to see An Adult Man. I don’t know, maybe it’s what the actors bring, too, because both Doc and Dolls really just strike me as assured individuals, each of them just really secure in their sense of identity, which makes them GREAT foils to Wynonna, and it’s just fabulous, really. I like adulthood being given this reverence and care. It makes someone like me, hedging out of her twenties, feel a little bit more like there’s still a space in media and storytelling for people over 35. lmao. (and admittedly 35 is still fucking young, but Hollywood would have us believe it’s time to go out to pasture at this age)

and on that note DOC HOLLIDAY AND DOLLS TOGETHER. I JUST. *clenches fist* THEY’RE SO GREAT. AND WITH WYNONNA I JUST. It IS A LOVE TRIANGLE, in the barest evaluation, yes. And I prefer Dolls with Wynonna, yes, and usually I, yes, Fucking Can’t Stand Triangles, but the way these writers are approaching this has me fucking bowing down to them. I am really enjoying the way they’re taking this so far. I laughed to myself the other day because the realization suddenly dawned on me like “oh.... Fucking Anciently Old Immortal Pale Guy + Mystically Endowed Outcast Brunette Girl + Man of Color With a Secretive Monster Backstory” is fucking..... Twilight. This is Twilight. If it had a Wild West spin and was written, you know, WELL, and the characters were a thousand times more interesting. Is Emily Andras trying to come for Stephanie Meyers? MAYHAPS. 

I’m gonna give some rapid fire thoughts to wind down: GREAT MUSIC SELECTIONS, fun shootouts!!, LESBIANS!!! <33333, mostly interesting villains, good cinematography, action!, mystery!, HUMOR!!! THAT DIALOGUE!!!! WRITE ALL MY LIFE AND INTERACTIONS W/ OTHERS W.EARP WRITERS!! 

I could go on and on which is in my fucking nature I’m so goddamn sorry look at this pit you’ve opened but ultimately my answer is: It is so fucking fun. It is a Delight! A DELIGHT I TELL YOU. I get joy from this; I laugh, I’m entertained, my brain thinks hard but not too hard, the characters have infiltrated my heart so damn quickly. DELIGHT. I’m so sad I’ve caught up but also I fucking bought a Season Pass on Amazon prime for s2 so even though I don’t live with cable anymore, I’MMA BE ON THIS.