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#so many good points were made by everyone involved and im so proud :(
gunsatthaphan · 2 years
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~ Monthly BL Breakdown: June 2022 ~  
Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Dailymotion and Youtube. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post!
New breakdowns coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns
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What came out this month? (green tick = seen or currently watching)
🌟 Pa Thirsty - June 1st (Philippines)
🌟 Sky In Your Heart - June 3rd (Thailand) ✅
🌟 To My Star 2 - June 5th (South Korea) ✅
🌟 I Want To See You - June 5th (Vietnam)
🌟 Check Out - June 11th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Old Fashion Cupcake - June 13th (Japan)
🌟 Senpai, This Can’t Be Love! - June 16th (Japan)
🌟 I Only Want to See you - June 17th (Japan)
🌟 Love Mechanics - June 18th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Unforgotten Night - June 22nd (Thailand) ✅
🌟 You Light Up My Life Again - June 26th (China) 
🌟 Even Sun Series - June 29th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Wash My Heart - June 29th (Japan)
Monthly likes/dislikes
❣️ My Secret Love - I’m absolutely loving this show!! it’s so hilarious and the perfect proof that you can actually make something out of a seemingly simple bl plot lol. The dynamic between Mek and Kim is super entertaining, also Lee and Park have no business being the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen djkghfd. I love them so much. The setup is nice and it plays with several bl clichés in a very cunning way. Super excited for the rest of the season!! 💜 
👎🏻 To My Star 2 - Never thought I would ever put this as my dislike of the month lol and if you’re following me you’re probably fed up with me constantly ranting about it jkfgdf but yeah. Very disappointed and I don’t see any way to fix this mess in the remaining 2 episodes. Pity. 
New series announcements
🎥 Punk Spy (starring Mii2 & others) - Date TBA (Thailand) 
🎥 A Shoulder to Cry On - coming September 2022 (South Korea)
🎥 Blueming: The Movie (147 min runtime) - Date TBA (South Korea)
🎥 사랑은댕냥댕냥 (produced by Strongberry) - Date TBA (South Korea)
🎥 Eccentric Romance (Thai-Korean collaboration, from the producers of Peach of Time) - Date TBA (South Korea / Thailand) 
🎥 Star Struck (web novel adaption) - Date TBA (South Korea) 
🎥 180 Degrees Longitude Between Us - Coming August 14th (Thailand) 
🎥 Jun and Jun -  Date TBA (South Korea)
🎥 Semantic Error: The Movie (178 min runtime) - Coming August 23rd (South Korea) 
🎥 Love in the Big City (novel adaption) - Date TBA (South Korea) 
🎥 Back to My First Love - Date TBA (Taiwan) 
🎥 Unintentional Love Story - Date TBA (South Korea) 
🎥 Oh My Assistant - Date TBA (South Korea) 
🎥 Love is Like a Cat (starring Mew Suppasit and others) - Coming 2023 (South Korea/Thailand) 
Other news from the BL world
❗️Thai actor Copter Panuwat came out as non-binary on Twitter and had an interview with TeenVogue. 
❗️The post-apocalyptic Thai BL “Till the World Ends” (starring Art Pakpoom & others) will premiere on September 3rd 2022. 
❗️The upcoming Korean BL “Heesu In Class 2” will start shooting in August and will most likely be released towards the end of the year. It will have a runtime of 40-60 minutes per episode. The main actors have been chosen but not revealed yet. 
❗️The upcoming Thai drama “Remember Me”, starring JaFirst and others has been announced to air on October 9th. It is still unclear whether or not it will be a bl. 
❗️”Our Season” is a 3 episode variety show that features the cast of Semantic Error. It premiered on June 29th on Gagaoolala. 
❗️Fittings for the upcoming Thai BL “Moonlight Chicken” have started. 
❗️Mew Suppasit will star in the upcoming Korean-Thai BL “Love is Like a Cat”. His costars are 2 former kpop idols from the group JUST B. Details have yet to be announced.  
❗️Fiat Patchata (formerly Pattadon) was announced as the lead of the upcoming BL “Wish Me Luck”. Further details are yet to be announced. 
Upcoming series & movies for July
☝🏻 Rainbow Lagoon (short film) - July 4th (Thailand) 
☝🏻 Oh! My Sunshine Night - July 4th (Thailand) 
☝🏻 Vice Versa - July 16th (Thailand) 
☝🏻 Coffee Melody - July 18th (Thailand)
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sanajeh1909 · 9 months
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Natal Chart Analysis : Chamber
First of all this is headcanon of mine and im not an expert in analyzing birth charts, i only know little about this so i got some help from my acquiantances. I compared his chart qualities with his lore , his personality and his voice lines in this article. The comparison can be irrelevant on some parts because of my lack of knowledge in English. Please respect even if this doesnt meet with your expectations i have put a lot of effort in this. This is hell of a long article. I have written with some a lot of details and i cut it short, otherwise it would be hell of a long article than it already is. I had to think about general species of the zodiac signs and i found Scorpio as the most suitable zodiac sign to him. I went from his release date (16 November) as reference, and for his birth year all i knew was he is between 25-30 years old. So i calculated every year between 1993-1998. As his birthplace (i dont know if RIOT gave this type of information about this) i went with Paris because i have no idea where he can be born in France. In the end i came to the conclusion that his birthdate and birthplace may be : 13 November 1993 07.10 pm Paris/France
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THE SUN IN SCORPIO
☽ Scorpios know what they want and won't go out and grab it at the wrong moment. They sit back, watch (quite expertly), and then get it only when the moment is just right. It might seem like patience, but it's more likely their powerful skills at strategy at work. Scorpios aren't afraid of getting their hands (their bodies, their minds) dirty. The darker side of life intrigues them, and they're always ready to investigate.
☽ Physical energy and courage. Strong passions. Regeneration and improvement. Strong sexual powers.
☽ Potential issues: He is suspicious, defiant, extremist; he is sometimes vindictive. ☾ The Frenchman Vincent Fabron lives his life in search of one necessary goal, willing to sacrifice anything that gets in his way of achieving it. He has spent much of his time involved with combat and weapons, having worked for the French military before becoming a PMC marksman and then a weapons designer for Kingdom Defense. His employment at Kingdom was only a stepping stone for him though, as by this point he was already set on his path in pursuit of his sacred truth.
THE SUN IN 6TH HOUSE ☽ The work that they do and the services that they offer are very important to their sense of identity. To feel good about themselves, they need to be busy with daily activities and produce work they can be proud of. They are sensitive to criticism about their work, and they work best when they create their own schedule. ☽ Helpful, concerned, detail-oriented, observant, competent but not hugely ambitious, and sometimes given to fretting. Various minor health issues or concerns, and a strong attachment to his work or routine.
SQUARE BETWEEN SUN AND SATURN ☽ Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is possible with this aspect. Aim to worry far less about always being right or appearing suave and accomplished. When they ease the pressure they put on themselves, they don't face as many brick walls. ☽ Magnetic, intuitive, inventive, unique, and innovative, always seeing where improvements and progress can be made. At his best when he feels free to be themselves--doesn't like to be told what to do. ☾ With a blend of suave nonchalance, professional poise, and smug comedy, Chamber is fully confident with the skill he provides and the value that he offers. He sets high standards for himself and his team, reminding everyone that if they were to secure victories, they might as well go all-out and be the best in what they do.
"None of this "a win is a win" nonsense. We should win big and look good doing it."
THE MOON IN SCORPIO
☽ Lunar Scorpios are diggers in the world of emotion--they can see beyond facades and cut right to a person's core. This ability to "see" what isn't apparent to the rest of the world can be intimidating to others or wildly attractive, depending on the audience. Most have powerful, emotionally intense lives. Some feel like it is beyond their control -- these natives seem to attract emotional upheaval, and their lives appear to consist of plenty of dramatic ups and downs. Doing things halfway or having meaningless relationships simply doesn't fulfill them. Lunar Scorpios want all or nothing.
☽ Moon in Scorpio people often have a strong fear of betrayal. Some will put the people they love through a series of tests, and these are not always conscious. Their apparent suspicion can be trying for the people who love them. ☽ Potential issues: difficulty letting go.
THE MOON IN 6TH HOUSE
☽ They have an emotional need to be useful, work productively, be organized and on top of things, and lead a healthy life. If these matters are chaotic, it's a symptom of emotional unrest. Their observation skills are excellent, and they succeed at whatever they choose to do. They are a valued worker.
☽ They are excellent at finding flaws, quickly seeing details others overlook. A problem-solver, they not only recognize problems, but they are also compelled to fix them. People see they as a great friend, supportive, knowledgeable, insightful, and reliable.
SQUARE BETWEEN THE MOON AND SATURN
☽ When the Moon is in hard aspect to Saturn in the natal chart, natives need to learn to trust others more. Fear keeps them from fully enjoying personal relationships, and fear is behind the occasional rigidity that they express. When they let themselves receive nurture or care from others, an inner voice cautions them that it might not be sincere, long-lasting, or enough! This is essentially a defense mechanism designed to protect themselves from harshness in the world.
☽ Changeable moods, a reserved character, can be stubborn and may lack assurance. ☾ Chamber has shown friendliness with many of the agents in the Protocol, but he is very much aware that he holds many secrets which are better kept hidden. It's revealed much of Chamber's history is swathed in a veil of making deals and withholding the truth from those around him on multiple occasions.
SEXTILE BETWEEN THE MOON AND URANUS
☽ Their life is out-of-the-ordinary, with lots of changes and a great knowledge of the world not necessarily through reading but through personal experience and brilliant intuition. They like the sensational, new things. They act instinctively, but fortunately has a good sixth sense. They like to be surrounded by original people, artists.
SEXTILE BETWEEN THE MOON AND NEPTUNE
☽ Kind and sympathetic, with a strongly compassionate nature. When in love, they are usually very devoted. In fact, they are devoted by nature, not only in matters of the heart. More often than not, their intuition is correct, although their imagination is also powerful and they can read too much into a situation as a result.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN THE MOON AND THE PLUTO
☽ They can waver between a rich and successful domestic life and social success. Very perceptive and given to psychoanalyzing people. A strategist. Powerful emotions and intense feelings.
MERCURY IN SCORPIO
☽ They are extremely observant and astute, always reading between the lines and looking for the real meaning behind things. Passionate in speech, excellent at strategy. Natural psychologist.
MERCURY IN 5TH HOUSE
☽ Taste for intellectual games, sports that require skill and finesse. They are very curious about everything, even in love.
☽ They can be witty and humorous, an engaging communicator, and a fun friend. They love playing games, especially ones that employ their intellect. They love tricks, jokes, plays on words, and mimicry. They might be skilled at impersonations. Some of them could be clever at lying.
"Oh no, invaders here to take our radianite. Laughs I'm sorry, let's go shoot them."
"Toaster is broken!"
"It is sad what happened here, such a terrible accident. One that I have nothing to do with."
CONJUCTION BETWEEN MERCURY - VENUS
☽ They enjoy speaking and writing, and they do both with charm and artistry. Their intellectual pleasures are very much influenced by their feelings. They are amorous and sensual. They like beauty, the arts, travelling, frequent changes of scenery. Aims always for diplomacy. Very charming.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN MERCURY - JUPITER
☽ They are intelligent with big ideas: They are tolerant and have a strong sense of justice. They have good judgement, good sense and have their feet on the ground. 
VENUS IN SCORPIO
☽ Venus in Scorpio people attract others with their intensity and willingness to commit. Their appeal lies in their focus on you, and their dedication. Venus in Scorpio seems fearless when it comes to intimacy. Potential lovers get the feeling that Venus in Scorpio will never stray, that they are intensely loyal to the one they love. They possess you, and somehow make it seem attractive to be possessed.
☽ They have a strong need to control their partner, although this won't be immediately apparent, and they may not ever admit to this. Their body-and-soul love and commitment can be so intense that it eclipses fun and makes loving them a very heavy experience. Their emotion and intensity may seem overdone to those looking for a more lighthearted relationship.
☽ When you've upset these lovers, you'll know it. Depending on the moment, Venus in Scorpio will shoot you one of the most piercing glares around, or totally blow up. Whichever style they choose, a slighted Scorpio lover is not a pretty sight. These people can be jealous of all of your attachments, but few will admit it. 
☽ Remember, though, that some Venus in Scorpio lovers can and will take advantage of you on a subtle level, if only to keep you all to themselves.
☽ Sensual and passionate. Passions run hot and cold. Full of ardor and desire where the partner needs to be able to match his level. Can be jealous and possessive. If disappointed or deceived in love, he can become bitter. Usually very loyal.
VENUS IN 5TH HOUSE
☽ There is a romantic, playful side to them that is unmistakable. They enjoy surrounding themselves with beautiful art and music, and these may play a role in their ideal date scenario. They are generally quite loyal to their partner, and they are both charming and easily charmed. It's also easy to turn their head. They are a warm, fun and playful date.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN VENUS - JUPITER
☽ They are good-hearted and generous, possessing a good character. They have good relations with their social circle. They are easy to approach. All the same, they may fall in love easily. They have a successful partnership and professional life. People usually trust them.
MARS IN SAGITTARIUS
☽ Most of the time, Mars in Sagittarius is playful and fun-loving. They love friendly debates, although they can go to extremes. Mars in Sagittarius people see themselves as warm-blooded folk. They can be blunt with people, although if they have a more tactful Mercury placement, this quality will be subdued. heir direct, blunt approach is most obvious in bed. They're passionate lovers, and are turned on by open-mindedness and good humor.
☽ Mars in Sagittarius can be a little hard to understand. Sometimes they seem to be the most easy-going of people--they love a good joke and a good time. Other times they are on fire--intense and impassioned about something or other. 
☽ Mars in Sagittarius is used to getting their way and persuading others to believe what they believe in. Every now and again, they face the few that don't quite buy their grand theories, or, worse yet, poke holes in their plans. This is when these normally fun-loving people get frustrated. In fact, they take it personally when others don't agree with their philosophies.
MARS IN 6TH HOUSE
☽ They tend to work hard, sometimes to the point of exhaustion! They put a lot of energy into their work, and would do best working for themselves or for someone else but independently, as they can quickly become impatient if other members of a team are not working as fast as them. They can easily become riled up or defensive if someone criticizes or intrudes upon the work that they do.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN MARS - PLUTO
☽ They are ambitious with a great capacity for work and effort, self-confidence, and determination. Will stick it out to the end with his plans. They are committed, determined, and passionate. They are generally confident about their own talents. They are naturally very resourceful and usually quite persistent when pursuing a goal. 
☾ Through a series of emails found on Fracture, it's discovered that both Chambers have been working together towards an unknown goal for potentially as long as a year. In Fracture, we can assume that the Chambers attacked and kidnapped Thomas Poe, for reasons that aren't fully clear. It is likely to interrogate him for some valuable information on the Facility and the work they are doing there. 
JUPITER IN SCORPIO
☽ Values decisiveness, intensity, willpower, commitment, and strength. Very strong problem-solving nature, cutting to the chase. Science and research may be prosperous avenues.
JUPITER IN 5TH HOUSE
☽ He has much passion that lights up his days. He is lucky in love, but also professionally, with pleasant working conditions and duties.
TRINE BETWEEN JUPITER - SATURN
☽ They are serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. Their judgment is good and they are inclined to think things over. They pursues their objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. They are upright, usually law-abiding and respecting order.
TRINE BETWEEN JUPITER - ASCENDANT
☽ They like meeting friends, enjoying a good meal and cordial atmospheres. They are pleasant, jovial, and engaging.
TRINE BETWEEN JUPITER - MIDHEAVEN
☽ They live the high life, wanting to have fun but knowing what they want and doing what is necessary to get it. They want to - and does - succeed socially. This is a "work hard, play hard" placement.
SATURN IN AQUARIUS
☽ Long-term studies and, if family circumstances do not allow this, they will teach himself. They are serious and methodical in work, perhaps liking to visit the elderly and intellectuals who enrich their mind.
☽ Potential weaknesses: a sense of having bad luck and frequent disappointed hopes.
SATURN IN 9TH HOUSE
☽ They are studious, patient, rigorous, austere. They like reflection, meditation. They carry out all the plans he makes. They can be a stay-at-home.
SQUARE BETWEEN SATURN - PLUTO
☽ They are not always open to others' ideas, especially if they are disorganized or free-thinking. They should watch for rigid thinking and egoism.
TRINE BETWEEN SATURN - ASCENDANT
☽ They are serious, sober, thoughtful, paying attention to detail. They like to be with older or mature/serious people.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN SATURN - MIDHEAVEN
☽ They are ambitious, but in a deliberate, calculated, well-balanced way. They are persevering, mostly serious, and orderly. They climb the ladder slowly but surely; if need be, they are willing to change his ideas. They are wise and experienced.
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URANUS IN CAPRICORN
☽ A great battler. They have so much power that one thinks nothing can defeat them. Their mission in society and in the world can mean everything to them.
URANUS IN 8TH HOUSE
☽ Their financial situation has its highs and lows, which an inheritance can help out.
CONJUCTION BETWEEN URANUS - NEPTUNE
☽ They can be wildly creative with an odd but happy sense of humor and perspective. They are an idealist, easily disappointed by those using power plays to advance.
SQUARE BETWEEN URANUS - LILITH
☽ They may have difficulties achieving a peaceful love life. They can have lots of adventures, love-at-first-sights which can lead him into risky territory, as these can complicate and perhaps even poison their life.
NEPTUNE IN CAPRICORN
☽ They are discerning, wise, and sensible.
NEPTUNE IN 8TH HOUSE
☽ May have problems collecting inheritance and could encounter difficulties on a financial level through the marital partner. Most often quite creative and imaginative sexually, and they understand and accepts a wide range of styles and preferences in these matters.
SQUARE BETWEEN NEPTUNE - LILITH
☽ Love can dominate their life. They could lose their head over someone to whom there's an intense attraction, which can become troublesome if they lose all idea of reality. If they are not loved in return, so what - they will love for the two of them. With time, if the bond loses its spark, they can have difficulty disentangling themselves and they can suffer enormously. It's best to look to a trusted outside source for guidance in vulnerable times.
"Viper, don't pretend you're not happy to see me. You're smiling on the inside, I know it."
PLUTO IS IN SCORPIO
☽ Fear of betrayal.
☾ The Blackmailer admits that they do not know of Chamber's motives but mentions that there is one truth that he holds sacred, suspects that it is only true moral, the only thing that he wants in life. The Blackmailer states that no matter what Chamber's intents are, his deeds will be judged, always result in the world referring to him as a villain and asks him if he can face the possibility of being seen as villain if the judgement goes against him, implying he may struggle with even the thought of being judged with disgust, she questions whether he can live with such treatment.
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PLUTO IN 6TH HOUSE
☽ Power struggles can be an ongoing issue at work. 
SQUARE BETWEEN PLUTO - MIDHEAVEN
☽ They may risk losing everything, having to start from scratch in order to duke it out with authority figures. They may end up in meaningless stalemates with bosses and authority figures, which can block them from achieving success or goals at times.
LILITH IN ARIES
☽ There can be some fear of taking the lead, asserting oneself, and making executive decisions.
TRUE NORTH NODE IN SAGITTARIUS
☽ They may limit themselves unknowingly through mental overstimulation or by overdoing logic at the expense of intuition. They may have so many things going at once that they only dabbles and does notcommit to a particular project or path. Their path is to tune out distractions and build faith in their intuition so that they can follow a vision. ☽ Qualities to develop: Prioritizing, commitment to a path, faith.
NORTH NODE IN 6TH HOUSE
☽ They tends to retreat or escape when times are tough, and while they are a compassionate and perceptive person, they may limit their luck and opportunities by avoiding the realities of their life. When they do not know all the facts, they may live in fear of them! Their path is to pay more attention to details and routines, even if these feel uncomfortable at first. Doing so will build emotional and physical health. ☽ Qualities to develop: proactivity, diligence.
ASCENDANT GEMINI (GEMINI ON HOUSE 1)
☽ There is a cleverness to Gemini Ascendants that can intimidate some, especially sensitive folk. People with, for example, predominant Water signs may feel a little ill at ease with Gemini rising people (that is, before they get to know them more personally), while strong Air types more fully appreciate the fun and cleverness of these individuals.
☽ I have found two styles of presentation most common with Gemini rising people. One style is bubbly, changeable, talkative, and a little quirky. These natives are interesting and fun. They constantly explain things, whether it's their own behavior and opinion or those of the world around them.
☽ Another distinct "style" is a rather cool and intellectual demeanor. These natives are often quite witty and clever, but they present themselves in a less cheerful and changeable way than the first group. Their observations are sharp and the overall manner is a tad brusque.
☽ No matter the style, Gemini rising natives are given to analysis and making sense of their world. Their powers of observation are well-developed, they are mentally active (more often than not, their minds are racing!), and they almost always have something bright or witty to say. 
CANCER ON HOUSE 2
☽ Cancer is a fruitful sign to have on a money house. They can rely on sound instincts to acquire and save money. Very good money sense. They can use their keen ability to home in on what the public wants and needs, and benefit financially.
LEO ON HOUSE 3
☽ Keenly interested in education, and a good teacher. They are a very good organizer. Everything is carefully studied, explained, and swiftly executed.
LEO ON HOUSE 4
☽ May conduct family life like a business, rigorously and authoritatively. Great sense of organization, looking after what they own well, with pride.
VIRGO ON HOUSE 5
☽ They do not lack for practical sense to run their business and home. They are ingenious and good with their hands. They are modest and prudish.
SCORPIO ON HOUSE 6
☽ May like risky professions. Health: the genital area.
SAGITTARIUS ON HOUSE 7
☽ A union with a foreigner or a marriage abroad. They seek happiness and intellectual companionship more than anything.
CAPRICORN ON HOUSE 8
☽ Natural death in very old age likely. Inheritances.
AQUARIUS ON HOUSE 9
☽ A professional, they are innovative and original. They like travel, communicating with different people. Long research.
AQUARIUS ON HOUSE 10
☽ Success in teaching. He likes contact with others, to speak and explain in the profession.
PISCES ON HOUSE 11
☽ They may have only a few friends, but with these the friendship is sincere and frank.
TAURUS ON HOUSE 12
☽ Business affairs will have their highs and lows, financial loss can be heavy if it does happen.
"Be careful near the ship, that portal does not work as intended. Such a bad investment."
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Thank you for reading all these. I know its long but i tried my best to create the chart, analyze and compare with Chamber's characteristics. There might be some/a lot of information on the chart that doesnt fit him, but its hard to make a whole chart fit to defined character (since all the calculations are already hard to find to fit his personality).
Again, thanks for reading. I hope it does fit him like i calculated on natal chart.
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iheartsyaosaku · 6 months
Text
Clear card pros and cons (that i can remember i need to reread it again)
Pros:
SYAOSAKU DATING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
idk more content around our fave characters (though not as much but take it as you will)
The wierd ass technology update all of a sudden everyone has iphones (minus syaoran)
It picked up from the og ending where syaoran comes back from hong kong
SYAOSAKU DATING 🥹🥹🥹
SYAOSAKU WENT ON A DATE ‼️‼️
Unlocked sakura new swag (at the cost of ending her cardcaptor retirement…)
(Anime only) english dub actors of trc syaosaku voice ccscc syaosaku i thought that was pretty cool (syaoran sounds like maybe he went through puberty a little too early but thats okay)
(Anime only) SYAORAN SPEAKS FRENCH IN THE ENGLISH DUB
cute art style
Maybe just me but sometimes i get a little emotional seeing sakura in her daily life in middle school because its like !! Wow i remember when you were in 4th grade and now you’re in 7th grade im so proud of you sakura 🥹
Momo (new mascot to make marketable plushie off of)
(Anime only) MEILING COMEBACK ‼️
THE SYAOSAKU SONG HOSHI NO TEGAMI 😭😭😭😭😭 BEST SONG EVERRRR WTF SYAORANS SINGING VOICE IS SO!:?:)/$/? THEYRE SUCH A GOOD DUET
SYAOSAKU DATING. Btw. Theyre a couple. Theyre dating and theyre in love.
Cons:
KAITO.
New characters who happen to be mediocre
Akiho is literally just a carbon copy of sakura who is just sad (they refused to touch on the different aspects of her like reading books, singing and from kong kong only very rarely)
Kaito fucking sucks literally worst ccs of all time and THATS A LOT saying theres literal PEDOS in the fucking show but theyre all background characters but they can also piss off
Tbf i got confused along the way
Too many plot holes
Syaosaku angst
Syaosaku couldnt touch for a while 😔
Anyway why did yelan do that (referring to point above)
Some shit does not make sense
Tsubasa/xxxholic references (this is for you oomf)
Syaoran???? Is part of the “im keeping things from sakura” gang???? And it sucks so bad (yes it got resolved in the later half BUT IT STILL SUCKED)
TOO MANY THINGS KEPT FROM SAKURA JUST TELL HER DAMN
pushes most characters from the og manga aside to focus on akiho and that man 🙄🙄🙄
Clamp forces us to care about them but in reality we really do not gaf
(In reference to point above) Clamp sees that and pushes the nostalgia tactics/references sometimes and its lowkey tiring
The part where the syao/saku/tomo were reminiscing that fuck ass teacher made me ill i genuinely wanted to kms
Still hasnt gotten rid of their p*do ass shit thanks clamp very cool (sarcasm)
Did i mention that the og characters were pushed back? Because they really were
Akiho felt more of the main character of this story instead of sakura
Tbh not much happened in the entirety of this manga ESPECIALLY considering time shenanigans
Im still mad that syaoran hid stuff from sakura tbh
HOW CAN I FORGET THE UGLY ASS “YUNAAKI IS SIMILAR TO SYAOSAKU” PARALLELS AND HOW BADLY IT PISSES ME OFF
syaosaku dont look but theres an ugly bitch trying to be like you (yunaaki)
Yunaaki becoming borderline canon despite it being a toxic and p*dophilic ship
Kaito still exists in this fucking story and got a somewhat happy ending (befriending syaoran dont piss me the fuck off)
COMPARING KAITO TO SYAORAN KYS @ CLAMP
Kero/tomoyo/yue/nakuru/spinnel basically everyone magically involved is pushed back basically useless until the final act (i think i mentioned the character pushback before)
Still major plotholes
Yamazaki tells the truth now
Touya got whitewashed
Akiho still has too many similarities to sakura it still pisses me off. Why cant they make her her own character
My girl sakura developed anxiety
MY BOY SYAORAN DEVELOPED DEPRESSION
angsty ass middle schoolers
Didnt like the scene where sakuras grandad was basically throwing shade at syaoran comparing his romance with sakura to … sakura’s fuckass dad grooming her mom. What
Syaoran calmed down a bit i miss when he was chaotic af but whatever #middleschoolerthings
Season 2 is taking forever to release good lord
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sup-hoes-its-me · 3 years
Note
Hi hun! Hope you’re doing well! Could a request a Shikamaru fic! I was thinking maybe it’s obvious to everyone that Shikamaru and Reader like each-other (except themselves of course). But a mission where they have to pretend to be a couple and they finally confess.
😘
Pretenders (Shikamaru x Reader)
A/N: another request. Im not super proud of this one, i really got stuck halfway through and i think that shows here. Thanks for requesting though, and hopefully you still enjoy. Trigger Warning for sexual assault.
word count: 6500
“So, you two set out on a mission tonight right?” Ino asked, leaning her cheek in her hand, nodding toward her two friends across the booth.
“Yep. Supposedly 3 weeks,” Y/N told her. “I won’t get to see you guys for so long.” The girl took a quick sip of her lemonade and sighed. It was a substantial amount of time. It’d been a while since she’d gone somewhere so intensive.
Shikamaru and Y/N had only a couple more hours before they were to be briefed on the details of otheir next mission and whisked away to a far away land for yet another tedious job. Y/N was perfectly fine with the premise of going on a 3 week mission, she’d been home too long and longed for some kind of adventure. She still wasn’t sure the caliber of the mission, nor did she even know where or what they were doing, but she was excited nonetheless.
Shikamaru, of course, wasn’t too fond of the entire idea. Yes, he was more than happy to find out his mission partner was Y/N L/N. Out of all the people he could have been paired with, she was most definitely the least annoying. He really felt like Kakashi had his back lately with missions, giving him ones that were semi decent, and sending him out with his friends. He was certainly grateful for the Hokage’s assignments.
Choji added from his spot near the wall, taking a second away from munching on his lunch. “It won’t be so bad. You guys have each other, after all. How could things get boring when you have your little girlfriend with you, Shikamaru, am I right?”
“Choji…” Shikamaru groaned, pressing his fingers to either side of his temples. These sorts of things borhered the hell out of him. The constant teasing from everyone, not just his teammates, but literally teachers, other squads, his mother, her grandmother. They weren’t dating. They never were dating.
Yet every person in this damned town was under the assumption there was something going on between them. Really, he was just trying to live his life.
Did he want to date her? Yes, a million times over, yes. She was literally perfect, he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. But was Y/N at all interested? Definitely not. She was more oblivious than Naruto was with Hinata, and that’s saying a lot. She seemed to ignore everyone when they made jokes, she thought all his measly attempts at flirting were just normal conversation even when he treated Ino completely differently. She wasn���t a dumb girl either. She was smart in her own right.
That’s why he’d begun to think she was maybe avoiding his advances on purpose. That she didn’t like him and she was trying to let him down easy. It was stupid really, and he wished she would just come out with it already, tell him to his face that she just wanted to be friends. It was frustrating, to say the least, but he kept trying.
He could safely say he hadn’t felt this way for another girl in his entire life, and he wouldn’t give up that easily. He really just wanted other people to mind their business. That’s the reason he shot down all the jokes and comments from his friends. They didn’t need to know about his lovelife, that was personal.
Ino smirked, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder and letting a laugh leave her lips. “Come on, Choji. You know how Shika feels about you teasing him.”
“Fine. But you gotta admit it’s funny.”
They continued on with their conversation, Shikamaru groaning at their jokes and the other two laughing the entire time. That was how it usually went. Y/N just listened quietly, sipping away at her lemonade. Those two, his teammates, they always made jokes, it was normal. She was constantly labeled Shikamaru’s girlfriend, and each time he denied it. Over and over again. He didn’t let a single instance slide by.
That’s how she knew to avoid the subject. To keep her feelings to herself. There was no point in confessing to him when he was already so adamant at keeping their relationship out of other people’s mouths. She was a troublesome girl, anyone who thought he saw her as anything different was delusional.
So she kept quiet, just listening.
Each time someone joked, her stomach would turn and she would wait for him to say something, for him to admit they were right, for him to get flushed in the cheeks, for him to reach out and hold her hand and confess his feelings, and each time she was let down brutally. After enough times getting her heart broken, it was only inevitable she give up this false hope. There was no digging her way into his cold heart. He was so closed off, to get inside...it seemed like an impossible feat.
She wasn’t willing to fight for him anymore. It was tiring, and they never got anywhere.
After enough time, she stopped crying herself to sleep. She stopped talking about her crush with Hinata and Ino when the boys weren’t around. She still looked at him with all the love she had to give. He was the best man she knew, how could she not. She just stopped wishing for something that wasn’t going to happen. She stopped investing so much of her time and energy into a useless, pointless dream.
She was tired of running endlessly in circles, over and over again. All because of his dumbass.
Maybe with time, she could try and get over him. With time she could learn to like him the same way as all their other friends. It was always just the little things that would pull her back in every time. It was the walks home at night when she was tired, or she had too many drinks and he’d wrap his arm around her waist and hold her so tight to his side she could feel his heart beating. It was the times he’d lay beside her in the grass and run his fingers through her hair splayed out over the ground. It was the times he would hold her silently as she cried for her mother and father who’d died, and he would rub her back until she could breathe again.
Every single fucking time she got close, the moments she felt she might not be desperately in love with him anymore, he came right in and stole her heart again. It wasn’t his fault, he was just being a good friend, but God, did it hurt sometimes.
And it wasn’t Ino and Choji’s fault for talking about it. It was so fucking obvious she liked him. Y/N followed Shikamaru around like a lost puppy half the time, what else were they supposed to think? They were just wrong in their assumptions that she was anything more to Shikamaru himself. That the boy thought of her as anything more than a troublesome friend who was always needing help with something or another.
She drank the last bit of her drink and set down the glass. “We better be heading to the Hokage tower soon. It’s almost time, and he still has to debrief us and all, “ she told the boy at her right.
“Yeah. I’ll go get my bag from home first and we’ll meet up there?”
“Got it,” Y/N slid out of the booth and waved to her friends. “See you when we get back.”
“Bye, Y/N!” Ino called as the girl left the restaurant with her book bag over her shoulder. She sighed, sinking down into her seat and glaring over at the pineapple head across from them. “You gotta make your move on this mission, Shika. Stop being such a scaredy cat.”
“Listen, you guys don’t know anything about anything, okay? She doesn’t like me that way. She never has.”
“I never thought I’d have to say this, but you’re dumb, man,” Choji laughed. “She obviously likes you.”
“Yeah, yeah. All of you seem to think that but you don’t see how she is with me. We are purely friends. That’s it.”
“Whatever, man,” he waved off the boy’s stern reply and added, “ Have fun on your trip with Y/N. Hope you get lucky.” Those words caused Shikamaru to heat up from his neck to the tips of his ears and he promptly slid out from his seat, straightening his vest as he did so to try and calm himself. That was unnecessary of his friend to say, for sure.
He turned to them once more and nodded his head. “See you around.”
“See you!”
Now all he needed to do was get his things together and meet up with the girl of his dreams for their weeks long mission. Fun times. Especially now that his friends made him annoyed and frustrated with the entire situation again. He’d have to calm down before seeing her soon.
_______
“We’re doing what?” Y/N asked, staring down at their Hokage in disbelief. He’d been detailing their mission and everything seemed normal so far, infiltrating and learning information about a budding coup in a far away nation just on the edge of the Land of Earth and The Land of Wind. It seemed easy enough at first, but then he kept going.
Kakashi sighed. “I said, you two are to be disguised as a princess and her consort from the Land of Sunflowers. The leaders of this land are expecting these royal visitors and you will be taking their place.”
“So, like, he’s gonna be my husband?” she asked for clarification again. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand his words, it was that she didn’t want to believe them. This was her worst nightmare. They would have to pretend to be in a relationship? Shikamaru was going to hate this more than anything and it would be uncomfortable the entire time.
Why did Kakashi have to pick them two, of all his shinobi? Why?
“Yes. That won’t be a problem for two close friends such as yourselves. After all, that’s why I picked you. You have some kind of dynamic going I feel your targets will find believable.” Shikamaru cursed the heavens. Even the fucking Hokage thought they were involved. This was ridiculous. Now this long ass mission he was already dreading was made ten times worse with this awkward situation. “We’re not gonna have a problem, are we?”
It would be okay though. He just had to take a few deep breaths. That’s all.
“No, sir, of course not. I’m ready for anything you throw at me,” she declared, straightening her back and letting the heat fade from her cheeks. She was embarrassed, obviously, but she couldn’t let the Hokage know. It was easier talking to Kakashi though, much easier than Tsunade. Kakashi watched them grow up, he knew them personally from helping them train. That didn’t mean she couldn’t be flustered.
“You’ll take those bags with you. They have some more suitable clothing for royalty. Put them on when you get close to the village. Throw out any indicators you’re from the Leaf as well.”
“Okay.”
“You’re dismissed. Leave as soon as possible,” the gray haired shinobi told them. She nodded and threw the bag over her shoulder, tossing the other one over to Shikmaru who caught it and slung it onto his back. He definitely wasn’t happy about any of this, but maybe it was a sign.
Ino and Choji told him to confess his feelings to her on this mission. Kakashi just told them they would be pretending to be a married couple. As he watched her walking in front of him down the Tower stairs, her head just barely dipped as she absorbed all the information running through her mind, he wondered if maybe this was his opportunity. A make or break type scenario. He had three weeks to figure out how to tell her how he felt in a more direct way than he’d tried before.
He worked out all the scenarios and their outcomes in his head millions of times and every time they ended in disaster. For someone so great at strategy, he sure did struggle with this one.
“So, I guess we’re married now. Should we start kissing or something?” she asked awkwardly as they reached the bottom of the stairs, shifting back and forth from her toes to her heels. He stopped, more like froze, in his path and stared at her.
“Now you're just making it weird,” he replied. “We aren’t even there yet.”
“I know, I was kidding. Trying to lighten the mood, you know,” she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. Of course he would reply like that. He didn’t like her at all, he couldn’t even take a fucking joke. Had to get all upset over it like a baby, all because he was so set on never dating her ever, never even entertaining the thought. She rolled her eyes, “You don’t have to be so rude about it, geez.”
She kept walking before he could reply. He had a feeling this trip was going to be a lot worse than anyone had anticipated. He was nervous, grumpy, and preparing for the worst. In fact, what he really wanted was a nice long nap.
_________
The dresses that Kakashi packed for her were...extravagant to say the least. They flowed all the way down to her ankles, thick heavy hoop skirts embroidered from head to toe with symbols of the land of sunflowers. She felt strange with her shoulders exposed and her body on display in these outfits which were so unlike the pants and t-shirts she wore when she was back at home or on a normal mission. She wrapped a shawl around her shoulders and sighed, feeling at least a little covered.
Shikamaru had nice clothes, but they were nothing in comparison to her wild dresses and all the bright colors of the fabric. He looked semi-normal. She was jealous, admittedly, that he still got to wear pants and shirts. He said she looked good in the dress, he actually told her about a dozen times, reassuring over and over again that she looked fine, but she didn’t believe him. She wasn’t dainty, how could she look beautiful when she clearly didn't belong in something so delicate?
Still, when they walked up to the gates of the Land of Shadows, they were greeted like the royalty they pretended to be. They were swept away to the main castle to meet with the King and his wife. It was nearly dinner time, and they were to eat with them as a greeting. It made sense, but Y/N felt herself growing more nervous with the second. She didn’t know the first thing about being a princess, or acting like a monarch. All she knew was fighting and joking with her friends.
Not only that, but how could she convince them that she and Shikamaru were in a relationship? Y/N wasn’t sure they possessed the right dynamic and even if they tried, it would be obvious they were uncomfortable with each other. It was all making her heart race, and she had to take a few deep breaths as they entered the dining room.
But her companion...he knew what he was doing. He was going to put on quite the show, take advantage of the situation. If this week and a half was his only chance to hold Y/N in his heart, than he wouldn't let any opportunities slip by.
Without warning, she found that Shikamaru had reached over and wrapped her hand up in his bigger one, clutching at her shaking fingers. He was so steady, she found herself sinking into his touch. It was comforting, more so than she thought it could be, given the circumstances. His skin was just so warm and soft against hers, it was only natural she felt safer.
“Ah, Princess Ayaka, Duke Hisashi. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” a man called from his place at the table. His wife was sitting beside him, her soft smile only reaching her lips not nearing her eyes. Y/N caught that immediately. Her distance. Silently, she took note of that as the King approached them, extending his arms for an embrace.
“It’s an honor to meet you, your highness,” Shikamaru replied with a smile, an obvious fake one, but damn was he good. She watched as he hugged the man so earnestly, as if he’d sunken right into the role of consort without an issue. She’d have to ask him tonight how he was so good at acting.
“And your beautiful wife,” he extended his hand to the girl and she raised it hesitantly, receiving a soft kiss to the back of her palm. “Come take a seat. Dinner will be served soon.”
The pair took their seats beside each other on the opposite side of the table, Y/N directly across from the Queen, who looked up at her for merely a moment only to sigh and go back to fiddling with the curve of her wine glass. "Your highness," Y/N hummed to the woman who nodded.
"Oh what a dream, to be young and in love," she said. "I remember the days."
"Please dear! To me, you will always be my beautiful young wife! We share a love to last a lifetime," the king cheered, placing his hand over that of his wife's as he took his seat at the table. "I apologize for her gloom. She's been going through a rough patch. We are more than overjoyed to have you here."
"It's fine. We all have our bad days," the girl replied softly.
After a few minutes of small talk, just dipping their feet into the conversation, a couple servants brought out plates of food and wine bottles full of vintage drink truly meant for the highest of royalty. Compared to the plain sake she had drank at home, this was liquid gold dripping down her throat. Shikamaru sent her a warning look. Y/N was known to be quite the lightweight, and even a couple glasses of wine could send her into a tipsy stupor. He really knew her too well, so hyperaware of the things she did.
"So, how did you two meet?" their host asked, taking a moment away from the chicken in front of him. "It's said that you married for love, not arrangement. That's true?"
Y/N and Shikamaru hadn't been versed very well on the details, just on the basics. Her heart beat increased, stress building up. Her lies would have to be good.
"Yes. You've heard right. He was my friend before anything else. We met as children." That much she knew for sure after reading the mission summary.
"Oh wow. Childhood lovers. Very sweet," the queen sighed, resting her cheek in her palm.
Y/N would be lying if she didn't feel a bit of similarities between her own story and that of the real princess she was pretending to be. Shikamaru and Y/N grew up together, for as long as she could remember. She started to love him before she even really knew what love was. It only made sense she pretended to be a princess in the same situation.
And when he held her hand again, this time under the table, his thumb brushing over her knuckles so softly she thought she might melt. Her cheeks began to heat up under his touch and she smiled. It was so nice holding his hand, pretending to care about each other this way. Not that she needed to pretend.
Dinner droned on, and she continued to hold his hand the entire time, besides when they were spooning at their food. For once on a mission, it felt like they were completely at peace. Of course, they were both supposed to be analyzing the movements of everyone around them to make sure no one was planning a coup like Kakashi told them. But she couldn’t held but cherish the moments of calmness and warmth between everyone.
The King and his wife were genuinely some of the kindest people she’d ever met, whether they were just acting that way or not. It was a pleasure to have dinner with them, talking and laughing like an uncle would with his nieces and nephews. It had that same energy, talking to him.
“Hisashi, you wouldn’t mind accompanying me to my library? I have some books I think you might enjoy,” the man said, standing from the table. The rest of them slid out of their chairs after him, and she had to brush down her skirts to make sure everything was in line. It was tedious, wearing these outfits without any prior warning. She felt like a clown. The Queen was so effortless in her movements, how could she not feel stupid standing beside someone so regal?
“That sounds great, your majesty-”
“Not necessary. Call me Shoto, that’s my name after all, and you are an honored guest,” he laughed. He reached over and gave his wife a gentle kiss on the cheek before turning on his heel and heading toward the door. She really expected Shikamaru to just leave with just a simple goodbye, or a “I’ll see you tonight” kind of thing.
Definitely not this.
He was gonna go all out this time around.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he whispered, just loud enough for only her to hear, over her shoulder into her ear. When his warm breath hit her skin, shivers ran up and down her spine. Her eyes widened and she turned to stare up at him, cursing herself when she felt heat rise up in her cheeks and burn the tips of her ears. Was he serious, or just teasing her? He always liked to crack jokes like that.
But when she felt his rough hand pressed to her cheek, lifting her face ever so carefully to meet his, she knew he wasn’t messing around. His eyes met hers for a split second, and she could have sworn he winked down at her before pressing his lips to hers.
Honestly, she thought she might have a heart attack right there in the dining room. Shikamaru was kissing her. It felt even better than she dreamed it would. Chapped lips running against hers, heat pooling in her stomach, heart pounding in her chest.
As soon as it started, though, the kiss was over, and he took a step back. "See you tonight, Princess."
She was keen on catching the smirk on his lips, and the way he laughed to himself as he walked out of the room with the King before him.
Y/N stood there silently, her fingers pressed to her lips, breath caught in her throat. The boy she’d wanted for so long just kissed her like it was nothing, and she was left all alone to deal with this predicament, all the feelings that came rushing in after. All she knew for sure, whether he was serious or not, was that she really, seriously liked him. She liked him a lot more than she thought.
And now they had a whole week and a half of fake kisses and hand holding to endure. Jeez.
__________
“You know, you’re nothing like the other princesses I’ve met,” the guard said to her as she waited for Shikamaru to show up. He was still out with the King practicing archery. Apparently that was a hobby a lot of these rich country men had. So far, she wasn’t suspecting a thing out of the King or any of his closest acquaintances. They were nice as could be and seemed sincere in their intentions toward the village alliances. She had no reason to suspect them, and was beginning to think a coup was just as Kakashi thought, a mere rumor.
That made things a lot easier.
She sighed, tapping her fingers on her wrist. She wasn’t a fan of having a guard watching her every second of the day, especially not the talkative ones. This one was strange. He gave off this energy she couldn’t describe as anything other than creepy.
“Yeah? That’s nice,” she muttered.
“It’s just, usually princesses are pompous, full of themselves, spoiled women. You aren’t the same,” he continued, even if it was obvious she wanted him to shut up and go about his business while she did hers. She felt uncomfortable being alone in this land, without any of her weapons or the ability to fight back if someone was acting sketchy. She was forced to sit by like some little, ditsy princess just watching and observing.
Honestly, though, Shikamaru was probably having a great time. All he had to do was eat with the royalty, play board games, shoot some arrows, and then go to sleep. There was no extensive fighting or thinking going on, just sitting around observing and waiting for something suspicious to happen.
The queen would normally hang out with the female guests but thanks to her bouts of depression she stayed in her room, leaving Y/N completely at the mercy of time. So much time passed, and she was bored of it.
“I’m honestly just another princess. You’d be surprised though. Many princesses are just as modest as I am, it’s not all that uncommon,” she commented, taking a peek over at the man, only to quickly look away. He had quite the hungry look on his face, and if her eyes hadn’t deceived her, his own were trained right on her breasts. Damn these dresses.
Y/N wrapped her arms across her chest and slumped down, trying to hide herself from this weird man watching over her. Only, it seemed impossible. He was so much taller, could just look over her shoulder. She couldn’t run away and raise suspicion. She had to sit here and wait for someone else to break the tension.
She was scared.
“I meant that as a compliment. You say thank you when someone compliments you, yeah?” he mumbled, a firm hand reaching out to snatch her wrist. It hurt, his grip on her arm, and she winced at the feeling. “Say thank you.”
She bit her lip and refused to meet his eyes, instead focusing on his hands. If she needed to, she would defend herself but only to a small extent. She couldn’t blow her cover just because some guard was manhandling her. Take a deep breath, Y/N. It’s gonna be okay. Just calm down.
“T-Thank you,” she gulped, hoping he would drop her wrist. But he didn’t. He only held on tighter.
He smiled, yellow teeth showing through his thin lips. “See, you are a good girl, aren’t you?” he questioned, and she felt his other hand run up her waist. All she could do was whimper, shivers running up her spine and any skin this man laid his hands on. The only hope she had was that another guard come walking around and see them.
It was unlikely, but she prayed for a savior to make their appearance.
His hand worked its way down to her ass, and she felt him squeeze. Vomit rose up in her throat and she squirmed away, pressing herself against the wall as tight as she could so his hands had nowhere to go. Instead, he took to fondling her breasts in his hands. She could only bite her lips and feel the tears bubble up in her eyes as he pushed down the fabric of her top and pressed his filthy palms against her skin.
“What the fuck?” a voice cursed from behind them. The guard was torn off of her form and she brought up her hands to cover herself, tears still dripping thickly from her eyes as she cried, little breathy sobs leaving her lips. Shikamaru stood there, hands shaking at his sides as he glared over at the guard. “What’s going on here?” he demanded. Y/N watched as her friend turned red in the face, burning up with an anger she rarely saw from him, if ever.
“You tell me, your highness. Your wife seduced me!” the guard cried, clearly lying to cover himself and his sins.
The eyes of all three men, the guard, Shikamaru, and the King standing near the footwell of the stairs, turned to her. She just cried harder, shaking like a leaf in front of everyone. “He grabbed me and started to touch me, and-and I couldn’t do anything,” Y/N told them all through her pained cries.
The King marched up the steps and grabbed his guard by the arm, yanking him toward the doorway to enter the castle. He appeared worn from his workout, tired and sweaty, but he was awake enough to realize the severity of the situation. He bowed low to Y/N and her companion.
His apology ran thick from his mustached lips, “This is unacceptable. Honored guests, I apologize for everything that’s happened. I will take care of this, I assure you. Please, don’t hesitate to ask for anything you need tonight.” Shikamaru nodded, and they watched as the pair of men walked into the castle, no doubt to find another guard to incarcerate the guard in question.
Shikamaru turned to her and winced, seeing her dress pushed down below her breasts and the tremors running through her hands desperate to cover them. He watched as hot, heavy tears ran thick down her cheeks and her lips quivered and shook with fear and trauma. Gently, he moved her hands to the side and brought her dress back up to cover her chest. He worked carefully, making sure not to startle her or make things worse.
The woman sunk into his touch, leaning her head against his shoulder and sobbing. “It’s gonna be okay, Y/N. You’re safe now.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and tugged her close to his chest, pressing a soft, gentle hand to the back of her head to stroke her hair. “I’m so sorry. I won’t leave you alone again, okay?”
“Shika, “ she whimpered, “I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. I couldn’t do anything to defend myself and there was no one else around to help me. I-I didn’t know what to do.”
“I know. You must have been so scared,” he whispered. She just nodded against his shoulder, crying deeper into his chest. He hugged her tighter and swore to himself, even if he couldn't make it happen, that he would protect her. This kind of thing would never happen to her again if he had any say at all. “I promise this won’t happen again.”
"I've just never been in that position before. I always have the upper hand. It was awful. I was so scared and I wanted to cry for you to come help me but I didn't know where you were."
"God, I'm sorry," he mumbled, hugging her tighter in a desperate attempt to calm her shaking. He just wanted for her to be better, even if he knew that wasn't an option right now.
He felt so hopeless, knowing the only thing he could do was promise, to say things without any actual basis behind them. He was just whispering words to the wind hoping they would stick and he was right. He cursed himself for not being there in the first place to protect her, to make sure something like this never happened in the first place. He really was useless when she needed him the most.
He wouldn’t even argue if she said she wanted to go home, if she never wanted to see him again. He let her down. For the first time ever, he let her down in the most terrible, awful way he could think of. And now she was crying and he didn’t know how to make it better. He was really trash.
For now, all he could do though was hug her and promise her the world, all these things that might make her feel safe and comfortable, make her feel less alone and scared. It was the least he could do.
________
Finally, after a long evening of socializing and another huge dinner literally fit for a king, Y/N found herself stripping off her gowns and heavy undergarments, switching into something much lighter and comfortable for the night.
She was tired from the day. From being left alone for the good part of the morning just sitting in the sun waiting around. She was tired from the assault on her body by the guard whom was supposedly in jail right now for his actions. She was tired from all the crying and the shaking. She was just tired.
Shikamaru was out, finishing up drinks with the King and some of his subordinates for the time being, so she sunk down into the mattress near the far wall, curling up under the down covers and pulling a book from the table beside her. Anything to ease her mind for a while. She felt safe being alone in the confides of the bedroom, knowing that her friend was right down the hall if she needed him.
She scanned the pages of the novel quietly, humming each time she turned a page, leaning on her elbow so the pages would be illuminated in the candlelight.
After about an hour, the door slid open and her companion entered, shutting the door silently behind him. "You aren't asleep? I expected you to be after such a long day."
"I'm tired, but I'm not in the mood for sleep yet," she shrugged, still skimming through the pages of her novel. "Did you have fun?"
"Nah. It's such a drag having to hang out with that old man. He's nice but he never stops talking." He took off his coats and tossed them onto a chair, kicking off his heavy boots and thick socks. "Annoying, having to wear all this fancy shit too."
"Trust me, I know." She shifted over in the bed so he had more space to lay himself down, kicking out his legs and crossing his ankles. "Do you know what's on the agenda for tomorrow?"
He nodded, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side to peek at her face. His eyes slid down to the novel turned over in her hands and smirked, "Yeah. You've got book club. Have fun with that." She tossed her book back on the table beside her and instead curled further into the blankets.
His eyes caught hers and he smiled, one of those undeniably handsome intoxicating smiles she loved so deeply. "You know, you look kinda cute like that."
"Huh?"
He shrugged, "All curled up under the blankets like a little baby. It's cute. I'm just calling it how I see it."
If she wasn't flustered before, she definitely was now. He was undeniably making her feel some sort of way, and she was loving the attention. He was being so bold, so unlike him. She questioned what had compelled him to act like this, to say such things. They weren't in character anymore, it wasn't like he had to say these things.
"Thanks, Shika." She felt dumb but what was she supposed to say? She was overwhelmed. "But we're alone now. You don't have to act all lovey-dovey."
He crossed his arms beneath his head and sighed, eyes gazing up at the canopy. He mumbled, just loud enough to reach her ears, “When this is all over, I’m gonna miss you being my princess.” She peered over at him in the candlelit room, making out his faint silhouette in the darkness. Her heart fluttered in her chest at his sweet words. She never imagined in a million years Shikamaru would say these things to her, and now that it was happening she didn’t know how to react.
She dreamed of this moment for a while now. The thoughts of Shikamaru confessing his feelings and then her falling into his arms dramatically. It was a fantasy of hers, a guilty pleasure. Far too dramatic to ever be a reality.
That's why she was too shocked to meet his eyes. His princess. Those words made her woozy.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're not stupid. You know what I'm talking about," he said calmly.
"You don't want things to go back to normal?" Y/N asked, hesitant. She felt nervous, diving into these waters. Each words felt like it held so much weight. It was a puzzle, just finding the right thing to say, how to reply to his statement. "Just friends, like before?"
"Is that what you want?"
And when she really thought about it, he was right. She didn't want to go back to normal. She wanted to continue holding his hand, kissing his cheek and his lips, loving each other with their words and their gazes and all the little touches. She wanted all of this to last and as the mission came to a close, she found herself worrying for the future empty of all those things.
She shook her head, just barely able to bring her eyes up to meet his. He looked bored, but she knew he cared. He cared a lot, actually. "I-I think I'd like if we could stay like this."
"Falling in love with you, Y/N, was one of the easiest things I've ever done. Finding the right time to tell you, that's been troublesome," he confessed, blowing a stray piece of hair from his eyes. "You never seemed emotionally available, really."
"I always was. I was always waiting for you, Shikamaru. Ever since we were just teenagers, I've been waiting for you," she told him, letting her heart finally come out with her words. "I just thought you wanted to be friends. Before this mission, I had completely given up on being with you, but then everything seemed to fall into place on this trip."
"When Kakashi told us we would be married for this mission, I have to admit, I got excited." He rolled onto his side to face her. She was still curled up in her blanket, and he felt like he was melting. The most beautiful woman in the entire world right in front of him, his heart playing right into her hands. He was okay with that. He was okay with this girl having his entire soul if that meant he would see that smile and those eyes peering up at him.
He wasn't a romantic man. Far from it. But she brought out a side of him he'd only heard about from love struck novelists, such kinds Kakashi sensei would read.
"I just knew I'd have to shoot my shot with you," he finished, sending a wink her way. She truly was swoon, like putty in his hands. Her words came faster than she could think to stop them.
"Shikamaru, I think I love you. When you kissed me for the first time, I knew it was true. All these feelings for the past few years weren’t in vain. I love you."
"The feeling is mutual."
The girl crawled out from under the blankets and over to him on the other side of the mattress. Her arms wound around his neck and as best she could, she curled into his chest. Her ear pressed to his heart, beating loud and constant in her mind. He was more than happy to let her cuddle up to him, in fact, he relished in the feeling.
This is what he'd been missing out on all this time. The hugs. The cuddles. The looks in the dark full of love and longing. It was nice, to lay there with someone he knew for sure, without any doubt, loved him to the moon and back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tighter to his tired form, letting her sink further into his touch.
Kakashi knew what he was doing sending them. Two lovers with a mask over their emotions, straight into a game full of dancing around their feelings and pretending to be something they always wanted to be. Everything played out perfectly, a happy ending for a couple of worthy shinobi.
He was happy. That's all he could ask for.
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i was wondering of you would do a request for an s/o of some of the "benchwarmer" characters (like yamaguchi rip D:) where s/o always comes to their games and makes them feel insecure, but they discover that s/o does homework/doesn't pay attention unless they are called to play, and only cheer for them!
hello hello anon!!
im so so so glad that we’re showing some love to our “benchwarmer” characters
this was honestly such a cute idea and I appreciate you being so patient with me
I decided to throw in ennoshita and kyotani because they don't get a lot of time on the court either sooo I hope you don't mind :)
anywhooo I hope you enjoy!!
(btw this definitely isn't my best work sooo I apologize in advance lolz)
•Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, + Kyotani w/ a Supportive S/O•
warnings: none
genre: fluff
characters: yamaguchi, ennoshita, + kyotani
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•Yamaguchi•
yamaguchi always got very nervous whenever you mentioned you were attending one of his games
as a pinch server, he rarely got the opportunity to play and when he did, he never felt like his performance was good enough for you to see 
not to mention you always made it a point to wear his spare jersey to each one of his games which raised his nerves more then he would care to admit 
he really doubted himself on that court and felt like he wasn't good enough for you to be up in those stands representing him not to mention his spare jersey looked really really good on you
it meant the world to him that you supported him but he didn't want to disappoint you
this particular game, coach ukai had promised yamaguchi that he would definitely be put in  
which is why everyone couldn't understand why he seemed so down in the dumps
tanaka was the first one to point out his bad mood,
“Yo! Yamaguchi, what’s up with you dude? You look all pouty.”
hinata decided now would be a good time to add his two cents,
“Yeah! You get to be all swoosh, bam, boom today! You should be excited!”
yamaguchi couldn't lie, he was pretty happy about being guaranteed a few serves this game but he couldn't push away the negativity that clouded his mind.
“Oh, uh, I don't know. I guess its just Y/N is going to be here today and I already know that with all your guy’s amazing plays, my serves won't really matter and I just want them to be proud of me.”
the team stood in silence for a moment
was that really how yamaguchi felt about himself compared to everyone else?
sure, he didn't get to play often but without him they wouldn't have been able to get out of some tricky situations
surprisingly tsukishima was the one to break the silence this time,
“Wow, are you really that much of an idiot yamaguchi?”
a chorus of scolds came from his teammates
yams was about to apologize but tsukki continued his speech,
“Your precious s/o doesn't even pay attention to the rest of us. They only watch the game when they know you’re involved. So, you don't have to worry about us stealing your spotlight. Now, quit being stupid and stretch will you?”
was that really true? did you seriously come to support him and him only?
maybe tsukishima was just saying that to try and get him to forget about what was troubling him but he couldn't concentrate on that right now, he had to get his head in the game for the sake of his team and you ofc
however, curiosity got the best of him, so as his teammates played, he took a peek up at you to find you skimming through a textbook
all this time he felt insecure that you would think he was a bad player compared to the rest of his team mates but now he knew that you didn't even have the opportunity to compare them when you were only focused on his plays
he felt his heart swell with pride as he promised himself he would play with all his strength for you
and sure enough his serves had never been better
your cheers could be heard the loudest throughout the gym and he couldn't miss the large smile on your face as he looked to you in the stands
as soon as the game had concluded, you ran down to the court and threw your arms around him, congratulating him again and again on how well he did
he buried his face into your neck in attempts to hide the blush that was spreading across his cheeks like a wildfire
that day, he went home feeling accomplished, with his own personal cheerleader right by his side
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•Ennoshita•
ennoshita didn't really get many opportunities to step on the court and show his skills
honestly, his lack of playing time made him pretty insecure in his ability to be on the same level as his teammates
he was never very confident and often found himself wondering if he deserved to be on a team with such skillful players
which was why he wasn't always excited when you attended his games
its not as if he didn't love seeing you in those stands, cheering him on, but he hated that there was always a possibility that he could disappoint you
especially since you were always so excited to come and support him
this was all he could think about as he sat stretching on the gym floor with the rest of the team
and his far off expression didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the boys
daichi decided to pull him aside and talk to him about what was on his mind before the game started
after all, he couldn't have such an important asset stuck with his head in the clouds
“Hey Ennoshita, everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s just Y/N is here and I honestly don’t know if I can play to her expectations.”
daichi understood what was going on with his underclassmen now
he had known that ennoshita was not the most confident when it came to his volleyball skill, but he didn't know that he was this blind to his own talent,
“You know, I don't think Y/N has every really showed any interest in anyone else’s plays other than yours.”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Maybe you're too focused on what's going on on the court but they’re usually always scrolling through their phone or reading a book unless you get swapped in.”
now that daichi mentioned it, ennoshita never really heard your voice cheering from the stands unless he was on the court and you always seemed pretty oblivious when he talked to you about plays he wasn't involved in
he knew that you supported him with all he did but he was always a bit nervous that you would start to notice how well everyone else played and view his skills differently
discovering you came to his games for him and him only warmed his heart
lucky for you both, ennoshita had been subbed in for most of this game due to daichi getting a minor injury don't worry daichi is fine, don't start planning his funeral yet
you were over the moon that your boyfriend got to spend so much time on the court that day, you always loved watching him play
ennoshita could hear your cheers for him echo throughout the whole gym, causing his confidence to skyrocket
safe to say, you were definitely his lucky charm for that game
even with all the commotion after their win, all ennoshita could focus on was encasing you in a loving hug
after all, he couldn't have done it without you
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•Kyotani•
kyotani didn't get the opportunity to be on the court often
he was a very strong and skilled player but his attitude usually caused him to sit out for many of aoba johsai’s games
this never stopped you from coming to support him though
no matter how much time he spent in the game you would show up and cheer him on
kyotani didn't really understand your reasoning though, he was barely ever put in so what was the point of coming at all
although he was quiet about it, he really loved having you at his games
being able to catch a glimpse of your smile when ever his temper got the best of him on the court was a huge reason he wasn't already kicked off the team 
but he still felt as though he was wasting your time
he couldn't even begin to imagine how disappointed you were with every game you attended
he tried to get you to quit coming to his games but you simply refused, letting him know that if you weren't in attendance, you could miss the opportunity to see his talent shine
as much as it could be a pain in his ass, your enthusiasm was kind of nice
which was the only reason he agreed to let you continue to come to his games
this game in particular, kyotani seemed to be on his best behavior
maybe seeing you in his spare jersey had something to do with it but no one needed to know that kyo bby, everyone knows that, pls stop staring y/n down like an animal
he was determined to stay on the court as long as he possibly could and surprisingly, he got to play almost the whole game
when you had run down from the stands to go congratulate kyotani, the first person you came in contact with was oikawa tooru himself,
“Ah Y/N-chan! I’m so glad you could make it, did you make sure to cheer for me?”
your boyfriend could never stand the way oikawa would flirt with you just to get a rise out of him
“Oi idiot, get away from them.”
you couldn't help but laugh at kyotani’s antics before wrapping him in a hug,
“Hey Kyo, congrats on the win. You did great!”
Oikawa pouted at you for blatantly ignoring him,
“Hey, what about me?”
“No offense Oikawa, but I really only come to these games for Kyo. I mean unless he's playing I don't really pay attention so cheering for you is pretty much out of the question. Anyways, I'll wait for you outside babe.”
both oikawa and kyotani were pretty baffled at your statement 
kyotani was probably the most surprised out of the two, did you really come to his games just to support him
he was pulled out of his thoughts when kindaichi spoke up,
“Now that they mentioned it, I honestly haven't ever seen Y/N look up from their phone unless Mad Dog was on the court, and they only ever cheer for him.”
kyotani almost let a smile slip out at his teammate’s words
he couldn't believe how much you cared about him and supported him
he never knew how you managed to put up with him but he was beyond grateful for it
he loved you more then he would ever let on
on the walk home, you didn't know why kyotani was so much more affectionate then usual, but who were you to complain?
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
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pleasereadmeok · 3 years
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This ‘Wonderland’ Interview to promote A Single Man is a gem.  Matthew Goode is a bit of a handful and swears his way through this interview with his mate Nic Hoult.  It’s very funny.  It’s often quoted (including his description of Colin Firth’s kissing technique!) but it’s difficult to find a clean scan of the whole interview.  This scan (from Natalie/ Fairchilds on ohnotheydidnt) isn’t very clear to read so I did a transcript several years ago - here:-
Wonderland Interview
Based on the 1964 novel by Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man marks the screenwriting and directing debut of fashion icon, Tom Ford.  Having debuted earlier this year at the Venice Film Festival to a standing ovation, the film has continued to impress audiences during screening at the Toronto and London Film Festivals.
Joining lead actor, Colin Firth, on screen are fellow Brits Matthew Goode and Nicholas Hoult who discuss the film, Tom Ford and being British in LA.
ON A SINGLE MAN
Nicholas Hoult: The only time I saw Matthew was when we were getting our spray tans.
Matthew Goode: Which were more regular than we were expecting.  I got on a plane with Colin [Firth] and then literally the moment we arrived, got in the car together, went to the hotel and suddenly – it’s like ten thirty at night – we have to go to Colin’s room where we’re having our spray tans .  Colin Firth is in his pants, I’m in my pants and it stays that way for an hour whilst we wait for this stuff to set.  He’s fucking great.  I love Colin.
We [Nic’ and he] never had a scene together but we were there the whole time.  I was only really fitting in around these guys.  Nic had a damn sight more to do than I did.
NH: No I just did more.
MG: [Laughs] It was a really fun shoot. I mean, maybe I’m looking back with rose tinted spectacles, but …
NH: It was a good fun shoot. Everyone enjoyed it.  I remember the night in Venice after seeing it in front of all those people and just lying in bed thinking ‘that’s something I’m proud of’.
MG: It’s seriously impressive. You watch it and you care and, it doesn’t happen to me a lot, but I watched it and thought ‘I’m in something that doesn’t stink!’.  I’m proud of that.
NH:  That’s a nice feeling when you’ve done something and you can say ‘yeah, proud of that’.
MG:  Fucking hell – sorry to interrupt – but I was reading a magazine or a paper or something the other day and it said “A Single Man obviously being screened and whenever Nic Hoult was on screen there were gasps over his beauty” [laughs]. And I was thinking, fucking Hoult is going to LA and get so laid! [Laughs]. He is going to be turning bush away left right and centre!
NH:  It’s all down to the fake tan again.  That’s where the performance stems for me.
MG:  That is a review!
NH:  Nothing about the acting, right?
MG:  They didn’t review the film.  It just said “I saw it.  I’m going to be reviewing it at some point, but let me tell you there were gasps over Nick Hoult’s beauty!”
ON TOM FORD
MG:  Tom is immediately interesting. If it’s all about someone’s cannon of work then most of the time you wouldn’t work with a first ime director, but if the script is good and you have a chat with them and they know which end is up and which is down, then great.
NH: I didn’t know who Tom was when I met him.
MG: Nick “fashion forward” Hoult!
NH:  I’d gone over to LA got off a plane and had dinner with him.  And I asked him how he’d got into directing and why he was doing this!
MG:  I love that.  Isn’t that great?  And that’s also like Tom.  He’s not the sort of person who is like, ‘well fuck you!’.
NH: He explained very humbly what he had done and I thought OK.  And then I looked him up after dinner and was ‘oh jesus!  He’s actually accomplished quite a lot’ so probably quite a stupid question, but he was very honest and modest and made a great director.
MG: It’s so good.  And so good for Colin.  And Julianne [Moore] is bloody great in it as well.  But the real star of it, it has to be said, is Tom. It silences immediately the people who were going ‘you self indulgent cunt.’  It’s like two massive fingers up to them as it is very, very accomplished.
NH:  It’s very personal to him as well.
MG:  Hugely personal as the main story sort of mirror images the relationship between him and Richard.  There’s a similar age gap.
NH:  He would always say my character is him when he was 18.  He’s connected to every character and he knows them.
MG:  And he wrote the screenplay and it’s starkly different from the book.
NH:  Matthew’s read the book, so –
MG:  That’s right!  I have. It is different.  I am always about the script, really.  But one of the really nice things about being involved is that it is a love poem to Tom’s partner, Richard.
NH:  Tom is very good in the sense that he is an actor’s director and knows what he wants you to do but is very giving to let you go off and explore things and try stuff out.  And you don’t feel too much pressure of failure.
MG:  That’s very true.
NH: ‘Cause the second you’re on set – especially when there’s only 20 days to shoot – to not feel the pressure, that’s a good atmosphere he created.  Something his assistant was saying the other day was that he’s very good at holding his hands up and would admit when he wasn’t sure what he was doing and kept everyone on side and made it a really great team effort.
MG:   I love it when someone’s like that.  It’s so far away from self indulgent as well when someone’s shooting into the 19th hour of the day and the ship isn’t sinking, but there’s a leak and it’s far better to say we do have a leak and I’m trying to sort it out rather than leaning on one side and saying everything is fine.  He is fucking great.
ON COLIN FIRTH
MG:  Colin was great.  I knew he was going to be good.  The moment I read the script, I was like, ‘this is something you haven’t done in a long time’ – just something he could really get his teeth into.   He’s such a subtle actor and it’s been a long time since I can remember him having something that central and serious.
NH:  It was a great moment when we went to the Venice Film Festival and got the message Colin was winning the best actor award.
MG:  I know.  The previous evening we had sat there and we knew it had gone down well because there was a NINE minute standing ovation.  And particularly when you’re not in the film as much as I am, then I feel like a fucking charlatan.  I stood there and am looking down and smiling and embarrassed.  Colin’s quite emotional and I tell you what – four minutes of a standing ovation gets a bit uncomfortable, but NINE?  ‘OK, Colin… fucking move. Let’s go. Let’s leave.’ And he couldn’t tell us that he had won and so he was being shy about it.
NH:  Yeah, he kept it very quiet.
MG:  The moment we found out and we were on the boat we were like ‘What the fuck?  You’ve won and you didn’t tell us!?  And he was like ‘ I know, I didn’t wanna.’  He was humble.
NH:  It was great.  It was a bit of an odd first day like you had in the sense that I had to strip off in front of Colin on my first day.  It sounds a bit seedy when I say ‘strip off in front of him’.
MG:  It does!
NH:  It’s part of the film, I swear!  And it’s handled a lot more tastefully that that might seem, but yeah it was a bit of an odd first day.
MG:  Everyone is going to say ‘oh it’s a gay movie’ which we then counteract with ‘no it’s not, it’s a film about love.’  But there is nudity and a bit of man kissing.  Frankly Colin kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row, but it was a real pleasure!
NH:  He’s got a lot of love!
ON JULIANNE MOORE
MG:  She’s a fucking hero.  She’s lovely. I didn’t have any scenes with her. I mean I’m only in flashback, so all my stuff was with Colin.
NH:  All my stuff is with Colin as well.   The first time I met Julianne was in Venice.
MG:  Yeah, she was probably in the middle of juggling six projects or something, you know, she never stops working.  She came in and shot two scenes, which were about 20 odd minutes of the film, and they did that in two evenings so she was in and out.  I never got a chance to meet her until I was at some party in LA and she is just fantastic.  And she’s married to a guy called Bart Freadlich who is a director in his own right.
NH:  He’s a hero.
MG:  He is actually fabulous!  My girlfriend spent the whole evening calling him Bert instead of Bart and he was like ‘you know, actually I prefer Bert!  Don’t worry about it’.  He’s lovely. They could throw their weight around, but they are actually family people and live in New York – they’re kind of anti Hollywood.
ON THE LIFE OF AN ACTOR
MG: There are a lot of Brits and Aussies at the moment who are working.  I don’t know what that means.  But we never think of ourselves.  When you get off the plane and you’re in America they ask ‘what’s the best thing about being a movie star?’ I am a jobbing actor, they have no idea! They make it sound like I get 500 scripts and am sitting there going through them all. If something comes up and they are stupid enough to give it to us or you love the script and audition but someone of a huge stature can come in and take it like Brad Pitt. Or Judi [Dench] – we’ve been up against each other a couple of times.
NH: I’ve never lost out to Judi yet.
MG: Only in a drinking contest! The vicious alcoholic that she is!
NH: Sam Worthington was telling me when he was in LA someone asked him why there were so many Aussies over there doing so well and his response was that it’s an awful long way to go to fail and not give it your best shot, basically.
MG: Oh. I was expecting some sort of knob gag in there, but yeah.
NH: It’s very true. I just got back from LA and every TV series has an English guy in the lead. Joseph Fiennes, Matthew Reece [RHYS]
MG: We’re good. We’re quite good…
N H: I can’t say it’s the training, because I don’t have any.
MG: You’re doing well! You make people gasp! You complete cunt. I hate that!
NH: You’re coming across very eloquent.
MG: That’s very nice of you.  OK, who used to live with Ewan McGregor and Jude Law and he has a TV show? You’re right about that. Though it makes it sound like ‘Oh you’re English.  Have a TV show’.  I’m sure they all have about ten auditions.
NH: I had an interesting day recently when I was at a BBQ and Jimmy Page and Roger Daltrey were there.
MG: Wow!
NH: I sat there and was very quiet because I thought if I speak to them I’ll make a fool of myself so it’s best to keep out of the way and then they can’t have any bad thoughts although they probably didn’t know I was there.  But I knew they were there so it was a good BBQ for me.
MG: I’d love to learn guitar. It’s one of those things I’d love to do. Though it’s not like I don’t have the time…
NH: [Laughs]
MG: I’d like to know all the chords.
NH: It’s difficult to get the fingering right… That’s what she said.
MG: And back to Dame Judi!
NH: [Laughs]
MG: It depends if you have a high action or a low action in terms of the strings.  It hurts. You’ve got to build up the calluses. If you get a low action one that would be easier.
NH:  Are we still talking about women?
MG:  Yes! [Laughs] I remember Billy Crudup got the part in Almost Famous and he had lessons with Peter Frampton but had to have lessons on the side because Peter was like ‘you are fucking terrible’. But that’s one of the nice accidents of the job is you can get training in things. And random travel.
NH: I got to do archery.
MG: You did! That was The Weatherman!
NH: No, for Clash of the Titans. I didn’t use it once.
MG: Oh yes, it was the daughter in The Weatherman.
NH: Yeah man, keep up.
MG: Sorry mate. That’s how pretty you are. I confused you with the female lead.
NH: He’s seen all my work.
MG: I have! I’ve got to learn how to do it. You are a master.  I did a Spanish film and it was all in Spanish [!] – I learnt it phonetically. Jesus, that’s my only skill.  The major skill I picked up is I can pay my rent. The older you get the more you realize there are a lot of people who hate their jobs.  I’m so glad I’m not – ha!  Famous last words! – it does seem to be going OK for now.  But bringing it back to what do you like about acting – to be honest, everything.
ON BRITISH TALENT
MG:  I think there is an element that we’re just so happy to work.  Certainly as for getting into film it was such an accident because I hadn’t worked in front of a camera.  For a while it was like what is the secret code to working on screen?  I have no idea what it is… but even ten films in I’m still sitting here renting and not owning a house.  I think that keeps you grounded.  As opposed to some American actors who are on a hundred thousand dollars doing some TV.
NH:  You don’t get comfortable so you feel you’ve got to keep on striving.
MG: I think we’re overrated. [Laughs].  There is an element over there if you walk into a room of Americans that they’re suddenly like ‘oh fuck they’re British and we’re steeped in tradition.
NH:  It’s odd that Tom got so many English actors for the film – we’re both playing American.
MG:  And Julianne is playing English.
NH:  it’s good he trusts in us to pull of the American accents.
MG:  Yeah, I mean – idiot!  In fairness you’ve done it before and I have done it a couple of times.  But it is odd.   If you think who he probably could have had –
NH:  He probably could have done better than us!
MG:  I’m sure he could have convinced someone with a much higher stature.  I think it was just we were willing to work for free, effectively.  And that’s also what makes Britain great.  We want to work and we want to please the director and often at times, yes we might have strong thoughts on character and script, but we turn up and are like, this is your vision and you are the director and we know where we fit in. Certainly the Brits, I find, we want to be told what to do or how it’s going to work rather than, ‘I’m the fucking star!’ I tend to find we leave our ego at the door. We tend not to pussyfoot around. We all like a drink. We’re steeped in that tradition as well. There’s a certain forbidden thing in America if you drink you’re an alcoholic. No I’m not, and I generally wait until at least half past one.
NH: On weekends. Weekdays, 11.
MG: There is a reason pubs are opened at 11 and it’s because you are allowed to start drinking at that time. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it! Christ, can you remember back to when – you might not remember, actually. I gasp at your beauty as I try to remember!
NH:[laughs] I’m never going to live this down!
MG:Do you remember when pubs shut on Sundays at, like, 1 for two or three hours? Maybe I’m showing my age now. That is fucking madness. There would be a riot now.
NH:  So basically, we haven’t found a conclusion to what makes Britain great…  You’re a big X Factor fan though, aren’t you?
MG:  My girlfriend loves it.  She’s got me into it.  I mean it’s fucking hilarious.  You literally sit there and you don’t know any of these people but the music comes up and they get selected and you can be in tears and so happy that these people have been selected for the live shows.  I really like the over 25’s this year.  They’re fucking great.
NH:  Matthew Goode on The X Factor!
MG:  ‘He’s very much into the over 25s and what is funny is they are all male’.  But it is great.  But then it’s such a machine.  There is such a turn around.  Sometimes the winner gets completely forgotten and they have no career and then, obviously, sometimes they go shooting up.  But it is great telly!  Saturday night, a couple of beers and The X Factor.
[Pics - My edit of Ben Rayner photos/scan by Natalie Fairchild.] 
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stargaze-issei · 4 years
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Hi may I request some headcanons for Kuroo from haikyuu and Akashi, Aomine, and Murasakibara from kuroko no basket when their girlfriend is a really talented at the opposite sport (example Kuroo is basketball and the other volleyball) and are scouted from big schools/colleges and maybe they see a game of hers for the first time and are shocked/proud of how talented they are. Can it also be lots of fluff please.
hi! hope u like it. i gave different positions to each reader in the knb ones, you’ll notice.
ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ᴀᴏᴍɪɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴋᴀsʜɪ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴ ᴀᴛʜʟᴇᴛɪᴄ s/ᴏ.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; -.
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; fluff.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; my bias showed with aomine im sowy hsjhs, also, i cut mukkun out bc this was so long.
kuroo tetsurō
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-> kuroo knows you're a decent basketball player because you're team captain.
-> he has never see you play, somehow he keeps missing your games.
-> he's either playing himself or out of town or buried in homework.
-> and is getting on his nerves because everyone keep talking about how good you are and how many points you made on your last game.
-> yeah he has seen you playing one-one-one with your friends, but that doesn't compare to a real game.
-> you're kinda bumped because it's important to you he sees you doing what you love.
-> so when a game against a power house is scheduled, where college scouts are invited, you beg him to go.
-> he makes the impossible and is able to attend at last minute.
-> you got so happy when you saw him on the bleachers, shouting your name in excitement.
-> your team was used to you being good, but that day?? your best performance in your life.
-> you made point after point after point, supporting your teammates.
-> your defense didn't leave any paths open, and your offense was unstoppable.
-> the game ended with a really big gap, mostly made by you.
-> kuroo was SO PROUD.
-> he shouted at every point you made, and his throat got itchy.
-> he knew you wete good but that good???
-> he was thankful you didn't play vb or he'd be scared.
-> when you told him not one, not two, but three scouts had reached out to you??
-> his eyes actually shone in pride. he loves you and won't ever stop praising your abilities.
aomine daiki
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-> kind of guy who thinks the sport he plays is the only interesting one.
-> what’s the fun on depending of others as much you do on volleyball?
-> you can’t do more than touching the ball, and not even twice in a row, like, please explain him why.
-> expect a lot of arguing in which sport is better and eventually giving up because this man will not lose.
-> you go to all your practices, unlike him, despite he uses all his weapons to keep you with him in the rooftop.
-> since you started dating, in winter holidays, you haven’t had any important enough games, resulting in him never seeing you playing outside of practice. 
-> he would NEVER say this, but he thought it was cool how fast you could react to receive a ball going 100 km/h or hit a spike so hard with your arm only.
-> you tried to explain him that it was actually a movement from your whole body but he didn’t listen lol.
-> you understand he’s lazy, like, sometimes he would miss his own games.
-> but you were compiting on the final of a really important tournament, and you were so sure you would win, you wanted your beloved boyfriend to be there too.
-> he agreed to go, although you still had momoi invited too to make sure he would be there in time.
-> women’s uniforms are quite different from men’s, the bottom being a tight sport short that ends before your thigh.
-> he hadn’t see you in your uniform before so he literally choked.
-> “DAMN YOU’RE HOT BABE” 
-> sometimes he had attended to watch your practices, despite they were intense, it didn’t compare to a real match.
-> both you and your team were completely focused, every receive you made got to the setter perfectly, your spikes were before the three meters line, it was perfect.
-> even your serves, which was a hard thing for you, were good.
-> a college scout was there, but nobody told your team, and just by chance, aomine ended up sitting besides him.
-> “YOU SAW THAT? SHE’S SO FRICKING GOOD GOD, LOOK!” so the scout was forced to watch you through the whole game.
-> was fairly impressed with your performance, and in a few days, he would reach out to your coach to tell them he wanted to offer you a scholarship and complementary training until you graduate highschool.
-> say “thank u, aomine”
-> after then, daiki will brag about you too everyone every day because you’re that bitch and he loves you.
akashi seijuro
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-> akashi cares for status, so he had to know if you lived up to your reputation.
-> i literally don't know why hasn't he attended to any of your games before.
-> like i see him going to one of your games before he even knew you and there, he knew it was you.
-> anyways, you had this friendly game against another school, it wouldn't have been that important usually, but college scouts were invited and you needed a scholarship to get to college.
-> when you told akashi, he decided he'd go to support you.
-> and it was nice that he cared so you just thanked him.
-> everyone knew you were dating, definition of power couple.
-> someone literally saved a seat for him at first row so he could see you.
-> the game started, and you were so focused than didn’t even see akashi in the bleacers.
-> he didn't know a thing about vb, but he noticed how you connected every play, touch the ball in every rally.
-> it was highkey cool, like you were the most important player in the court.
-> yeah, you needed someone else to receive the ball and then spike it, but you were the only one who could set the ball so perfectly.
-> akashi was so involved in the game, even celebrating some of the points.
-> it was when you did a setter dump, that went unnotice until the ball touch the ground, he lost it.
-> you could do that?? it was the best play in the whole match if you ask him.
-> of course, he acted like it was nothing, but damn.
-> it didn’t take long for akashi to realize he was actually sitting in front of the scout you talked about.
-> HE WOULD START TELLING HIM REASONS WHY HE SHOULD GRANT YOU A SCHOLARSHIP.
-> but he wouldn’t need to convince him, which made akashi the proudest man on the planet.
-> he supports you, and recgonizes you as an equal, even being in different sports.
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megalony · 3 years
Text
Met his match
This is a new Murderer! Ben Hardy imagine that should have a follow-up imagine soon when I can get round to it, I hope you will all enjoy this one feedback is always lovely to have.
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Murderer! Ben masterlist
Summary: Ben is a hitman tracking his latest target, and he is getting ready to kill them but things get tricky when his conscience gets the better of him. And the situation unravels when soulmates are involved.
Enjoy.
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Reaching his calloused hand into his back pocket, Ben pulled out the phone that was vibrating to show someone was calling. Taking a scan of the phone case, he sighed at seeing it was his personal phone which he couldn't be bothered to answer right now.
He'd been in the game for a two years now and had managed to pick up many tricks of the trade. Rule number one was to have seperate phones so if he got caught, he could give the police his normal phone that was just for friends and family. The innocent phone. All the implicating and cryptic messages were on his work phone so he could keep things separate and in order. His normal phone was white and his work phone was black as a teasing reminder of his life like day and night.
Switching the rather annoying item off, Ben slipped it back into his pocket before turning his attention down to the glass resting on the shining polished wooden surface in front of him.
This was a very different experience for Ben considering that for the past three months he had been in hiding.
Laying low wasn't all it was cracked up to be and Ben hated it. He hated having to disappear underground, to go to dingy, disgusting bars for a drink and to make sure no one would find him. He hated having to scan the bars to make sure they were the kind that didn't have CCTV so he could stretch the truth about how long he was there if an alibi was needed. He hated being around the cringy, loud-mouthed people that bustled about and spilt their drinks on one another.
Ben couldn't abide by the hotels and the small B&B's that he had to go to when he was out of town and needed to go unseen.
Laying low was the part of being a hitman that he despised because in order to keep the job he had so graceously decided to take, he had to cover his tracks and give himself alibi's. He had to make sure his face was never in papers or on websites. He had to make sure only the right kind of people knew who he was so he wasn't known to the posh people or the ones in contact with the police so he wouldn't be caught. He had to make sure the people who knew what he did weren't informants for the police or traitors.
But his job was something he found great pride and achievement with, even though he knew he shouldn't. Killing people wasn't the kind of job that someone should be proud to have and yet Ben was. He had pride that he had been doing this for two years and no one had caught him yet. He was proud that people respected him in the underworld and that people paid a high price for the job that he did. People went to the trouble of finding him to get his help, they risked a lot to find him with the knowledge that he could turn them down.
The thrill that it gave him, the planning that he got to put into it and the risks he took made laying low all that much better.
But to finally be out of his hiding and back in the world of the living was something that he enjoyed immensely. Ben enjoyed being able to come to the bars and restaurants that were more appealing to the eye and soul. To be able to act as if he fit in with the higher society when really, despite how he hated to lay low, that was where he belonged.
The thin black button-up shirt he was wearing was rather itchy around the collar and he had to refrain from scratching his neck every ten seconds but he had to act formal since he was technically at work right now.
Turning his head to the left, Ben locked his bored eyes onto the man he had seen wandering around the restaurant for the past hour. He went around hitting on any girl that walked in and every time he had got rejected which wasn't surprising given that this wasn't the most high class place but it certainly wasn't of low standards. The women here were more refined and didn't take to a drunk man wandering the bar asking them if they wanted to go home with him for a 'night-cap'.
The drunk man seemed to get more riled up and annoyed with every rejection he got until he was starting to get aggressive. If the guy would take each rejection with his chin up then Ben would have said good on him for taking it in his stride but the hitman was getting fed up of the idiot's persistence with anyone in sight.
Hunching his shoulders forward, Ben leaned his head down but let his eyes lean around the idiot a few feet at his side, trying to get a look at the poor victim the man was now pestering.
Ben had to refrain himself from growling in sheer annoyance when he realised that the victim this drunk idiot was pestering was Ben's next target. Rubbing his hand over his face, Ben scratched at the corner of his eye with the pad of his thumb as he tried to stay calm and unnoticed.
It was always a surprise to Ben when he found out that his victims were women because eighty percent of the people he was told to snuff out were usually middle aged business men. With the odd exception of a young inexperienced boy who had taken something he shouldn't or who was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. But killing a woman was never hard for Ben, a hit was a hit and it didn't matter who it was as long as the job was done and Ben got paid at the end of it.
The only times he ever refused to do a job was if he himself deemed the hit unnecessary. Maybe there was a young boy who just didn't need to be killed or a woman who was only wanted dead because her rich husband wanted her out of the way.
Other than things like that, Ben usually didn't care the reason even though he always asked. It was part of his invisible policy that Ben was to be given all the details, the reason and half the payment up front before he went through with a hit.
For the past two weeks Ben had followed his victim, got to know her routine and what she did and he knew that tonight was the one opportunity that he had to get the job over and done with.
Tonight was a night where she was most vulnerable because she was alone, away from home and her family and friends thought she would be away for another week so the timeline for her disappearance would be vague at best. Ben had already disabled her phone signal from afar and he had ensured that he wasn't on any security tapes.
All he had to do was find her after she left the restaurant and he could pounce.
Ben knew the reason why he had to kill this girl.
She had smuggled a lot of money from her father's account and placed it into a lot of other accounts ranging from her own to her father's victims who he had complete control over. What she had done was completely legal since she had access to the account and had unsuspectingly gotten her father to sign the documents allowing the transactions. He had lost out and now his daughter was a threat to his rather secretative dodgy dealings.
She was a threat he wanted rid of and the police couldn't do anything, nor could they get rid of her in the sense that her father wanted.
But Ben could.
He applauded his victim's reasons and what she had managed to do but at the end of the day, she was a hit and Ben had taken the job.
Turning his head to the left, Ben glanced his eyes over at his victim as if making sure that she hadn't disappeared without him knowing.
His victim had her rather long hair folded and pinned to her lower head just at the top of her neck but she had two short strands of hair hanging loose framing both sides of her face. And her vibrant eyes were shining for everyone to see. Her head was tilted to the side and the distant look in her eyes made her seem as if she was in a world of her own. She had one arm resting on the circular wooden table and her other hand circled around the half empty glass of red wine in front of her.
She looked as if she fitted in so well here with her baggy button-up shirt tucked into her high-waisted trousers that skimmed over the top of her ankle boots. Her appearance and her smile and the way she held herself made her fit in so well with the upper class people in the restaurant. But there was just something about her that made Ben feel like she was an outcast. Someone desperately trying to fit in when really, she didn't belong anywhere at all.
Just like him.
The pick up line that the drunken man used on Ben's victim washed over Ben's head just like it did the girl's head because she didn't spare him a glance. She seemed to be used to people trying to gain her attention and she seemed very good at choosing who deserved her attention and who didn't.
When the man didn't persist anymore and left in a huff, Ben felt like doing the exact same thing. He had been in this restaurant for two hours now and had had no interaction or conversation with anyone but the bartender who simply kept refilling Ben's glass the moment Ben pointed at it.
As much as Ben enjoyed being at places like this, it did get boring when he had no one to talk to because talking to people could potentially ruin an alibi if he needed one. They could say the exact time he left, who he had been looking at, what exactly he had told them. Ben would never say anything to incriminate himself or make himself seem untrustworthy but interactions were just as harmful as doing the job he did.
As bad as it was that he sat and talked to no one, it was safer.
"Any good?"
The new voice broke Ben out of his consuming thoughts, much to his relief, but when his head turned to his left he felt a spark of adrenaline bursting through his stomach when he saw who it was talking to him.
"The whiskey here, is it any good?" (Y/n) pointed her finger towards the circular glass of whiskey resting in front of Ben that he was holding with a vice grip in his left hand. It was the only thing she could think of to spark up a conversation with the one person here who seemed to feel like an outcast here the same as she did.
It seemed to take him a while to respond, she could see his eyes studying her as if he didn't exactly know what to make of her or how to take her question.
Ben observed the way that (Y/n) leaned her elbows on the counter with one arm outstretched like she was trying to reach behind the bar and grab one of the bottles. Whilst her other hand was resting against her neck like she was trying to prop her head up. Ben couldn't help but let his eyes wander over her, noticing how her hips were pushing against the bottom of the bar counter and her knees were straight like she was trying to make herself look a bit taller than she really was.
"Better than most places I've been to."
Ben didn't usually talk to his victims.
In theory, Ben could tell his victims anything. He could tell them his bank details, his name and address, his age, his national security number. He could tell them anything and everything about him because his victims always ended up in the same place; a grave. And dead men tell no tales.
But this was different, Ben talked to his victims when he was about to force a bullet into their skulls or make their deaths drag out. He didn't normally jave a chat with them before they knew that he was their personal grim reaper about to steal their life and soul. He never talked to his victims like he was trying to make a new acquaintance or even a friend.
Talking to his victims could often make him feel sorry for them or make him regret killing them. Ben didn't need them haunting him in the dead of night disturbing his sleep or making him think over his life choices and his choice of jobs.
"That's enough for me." (Y/n) didn't even get chance to speak when the bartender approached them both before her new acquaintance pointed to his glass before holding up two fingers indicating he wanted two glasses this time. It always fascinated (Y/n) how people like him were willingly in places like this when they clearly didn't want or need social interaction.
It would clearly be a lot easier and cheaper for him to just buy a bottle of whiskey and take it back to wherever he resided. But then again, if he liked to be around people he wouldn't get that if he lived on his own. Some people like to be surrounded but not interacted with, they liked to people-watch but not be watched themselves. (Y/n) didn't know him or why he was here and she wasn't usually one to judge a book by its cover.
"Thank you." (Y/n) generously took the drink placed in front of her, a curious but appreciative look in her eyes to which the stranger nodded in understanding before downing his drink.
It was her last night after all, the least he could do was buy her a drink.
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Breathe.
The one thought rattling through (Y/n)'s mind was telling her to do something that she normally never had to think about. Such an automatic process that happened thousands of times every day was something that (Y/n) was now having to remind herself to do in case she suddenly forgot or held her breathe for so long that she endangered herself even more by fainting.
Breathing was the only thing that (Y/n) was certain of right now, everything else was an illusion that she couldn't see past and it was frightening to say the least.
But even breathing was becoming hard when (Y/n) could feel her lungs pushing uncomfortably against her ribs ten times faster than usual. Her chest was heaving, her body was aching and none of her muscles were back under her control yet.
(Y/n) didn't even know where she was and the more she thought about what had happened, the worse her head started to ache because she didn't understand it. One moment she had been walking down the street aiming to get back to her hotel, the next moment an arm had secured around her waist and a cloth was smothered to her lips. When she awoke, every part of her was aching and she seemed to be laid on a sofa if she had guessed right. Unsure where she was, what was going to happen or why she was even taken in the first place.
She could tell that none of her limbs were tied up, her kidnapper had relied solely on the medication on the cloth that had knocked her out and the blindfold wrapped around her head to stop her from seeing anything if she woke too early. But (Y/n) couldn't move, her body was still asleep even if her mind was now awake meaning getting away was impossible right now.
"I can tell you're awake."
A small maon escaped (Y/n)'s lips as she tried to get her body to come back under her control, but the moment those words registered in her ears she could feel her blood running cold.
She knew that voice.
"W-whiskey." (Y/n)'s voice shook and her head spun as she felt waves of horror creeping up her spine causing her muscles to shiver. It was the man who had bought her a drink at the bar. The man she had spoken very few words to and shared a drink with before heading back to her table. The man who had left the restaurant way before she herself had done.
What on Earth had she done to him to make him want to kidnap her?
"I'm honoured you remember me, love."
(Y/n) could feel the whiskey man getting closer, she could feel the way he cut through the air ever so slowly like he was slowly piercing the atmosphere with a knife. And when she felt him leering over her a whimper escaped her lips that were numb from whatever had been pressed against them earlier to knock her out. He hadn't looked the most harmless man in the bar but he didn't give off the vibes of a kidnapper. (Y/n) didn't know him, she'd never seen him before in her life, what did he want with her?
When his fingers slowly trailed against her cheek and up to her hair (Y/n) wanted to cower back in fear but the most she could do was shift her shoulders a little.
She could feel his hand slowly brushing the loose strand of hair behind her ear before he slowly grabbed the material covering her eyes, pulling it away to reveal her tired eyes that were blinking rapidly to adjust to the dim light. (Y/n) almost jumped when her vision cleared enough for her to realise that the whiskey man was crouched down on his knees in front of her. A serene yet almost intrigued look on his face as he stared at her with his lips turned up at the corners.
(Y/n) tried to move her uncoordinated limbs and managed to press her right hand down on the sofa before pressing the back of her left hand down against the cushion to try and lift herself up. The whiskey man had laid her down on the sofa as if she had just fallen asleep and he had carried her here- wherever here was. He didn't tie her up or lock her somewhere or even dump her somewhere, he had taken time and care with her. And when (Y/n) tried to manoeuvre herself up, he even leaned and placed his arm under hers with his hand resting on her back to guide her up.
Ben didn't miss the way that (Y/n) flinched when he touched her and he didn't exactly know why he had let her live so long.
He brought her to a hotel that he knew had no security in the reception or in the corridors so he couldn't be seen or caught on camera. He had the room already set up and paid for in advance and simply told the man on reception that his wife had gotten drunk and he was carrying her back. The young man believed him, who wouldn't?
But Ben could have killed her by now.
He could have put a bullet in her or even a knife if he wanted to get creative and he could have left through the fire escape without anyone knowing. No one knew she was in this hotel, it wasn't booked in her name so they wouldn't know who she was and Ben had taken her purse and phone. It would be a mystery and he could have given her some peace by killing her whilst she was asleep. It would have been kinder.
But Ben just couldn't do it.
He brought her in here, laid her down, locked the door and closed the curtains. But when he thought about just killing her and leaving, something stopped him. He had spent at least twenty minutes or so just watching her sleep, wondering what was going through her mind and when she was going to wake up and beg him for mercy.
He didn't have a problem with killing her, there just seemed to be something about her that made him want to talk to her and make her beg before he eventually took her life from her.
"What... why am I here? I don't know you..." (Y/n)'s speech was slow and her words were slightly slurred from how delirious her mind seemed to be after being drugged. She didn't know where she was but she didn't even know why she was where she was, let alone why a stranger had taken her.
"No, but I know how you are, love. We're both here on business and very soon, that business will be finished."
(Y/n) couldn't help but whimper, unsure what kind of business this man wanted with her but she had a few grave ideas. But the moment her eyes set on his right hand, she felt like she was going to be sick. He had a gun in his hand with a silencer on the end. If she tried to scream he could shoot her and no one would be any the wiser. If she tried to escape then he could shoot her before she even got off the sofa and by the looks of things, he was going to shoot her regardless of whether she tried to get away or not.
She was dead no matter what she did.
"No... no p-please... why would you kill me?"
A pang of pain struck Ben in his heart as he watched the way her lips couldn't help but pull down at the corners and when the tears fell from her eyes Ben almost felt bad. But this wasn't personal, he didn't have a vendetta against her or hate her or want to hurt her just because he randomly picked her to be his next victim. This was calculated and decided by someone else, Ben was just the paid method to get rid of her. This had nothing to do with him.
"This isn't personal, darlin'. I'm afraid this is what I'm paid to do, your daddy decided it. Don't worry, you won't have to feel anything unless of course, you want to."
He could see it in her eyes. She was desperate to beg him to spare her, to lie to her father and tell him she was dead but secretly let her live. She would disappear, she would go far away if he would spare her life. But it was clear in his eyes that he wasn't going to let that happen. As he said, this wasn't personal, this was clearly a job for him and he seemed like the kind of man that didn't stop until the job was done. The whiskey man didn't care for her and therefore her pleas were going to fall on deaf ears because he wouldn't be fazed by her begs for mercy or he wouldn't have agreed to do this in the first place.
Ben watched in curiosity as (Y/n) moved her hands to rub her arms like she was trying to give herself a comforting hug before she died, knowing it was inevitable.
She wasn't like the rest of his victims, begging, pleading and sobbing loudly or trying to attack him and make their escape. Most of the time Ben killed from afar, he stalked like a predator then suddenly shot them in a dark alley or stabbed them. Some of the worse ones were the ones he dragged out, he tortured them before leaving them to die somewhere. But just recently he started talking to a few victims or letting them wake up like now before he killed them.
But none of his victims seemed to sit and accept their fate like she was. This one was special, she was smart.
Ben let his eyes wander down to the gun in his hands as he slowly stretched up until he was hovering over her, looming like the grim reaper ready to snatch her soul. He checked the bullets left in the gun knowing full well he had five rounds though he only needed one or two at the most if he felt cruel. He then twisted the end of the silencer to make sure it was properly fitted, not wanting to make a surprising sound and let anyone know what he was up to in here.
(Y/n) needed him to do it now and get it over with.
She couldn't handle waiting and watching like this, death was always something that scared her but she always thought it would be unexpected or hoped she would pass in her sleep. Knowing it was about to happen now made her skin crawl and sent her mind reeling and this whiskey man was just prolonging it even more.
But as she watched him click the safety off the gun, her heart rocketed in her chest and started to spasm achingly when he began to whistle a quiet tune like he was preparing himself for an audition rather than a killing.
Oh God no.
(Y/n) knew that tune, she knew that tune all too well. It was the tune she had had in her head since she could remember, it was her song. That tune was the song that belonged to (Y/n).
Everyone in the world had a soulmate somewhere out there. People say that they know their soulmate from the first glance or just by looking or talking to them. But the one definitive way of knowing your soulmate is the song. Everyone has a song in their mind that is their own, not a song from the radio that they choose, but a certain rhythm, a humming or a whistling song in their head that they share with one other person in the world. Their soulmate. They are the only two that know the tune.
The whiskey man was whistling (Y/n)'s tune.
The only way that he could know that tune was if he was her soulmate. But he was trying to kill her, why would he whistle that tune if he was trying to kill her? Who whistled or even thought of their song when killing someone? She was going to be murdered by her soulmate and no one was going to come to her aid or her rescue.
Did this man even believe in soulmates?
Ben's lips curved up into a rather sinister grin that made (Y/n)'s skin crawl but she whimpered when he turned the barell of the gun towards her, aiming it at her temple. He could feel a small wave of guilt washing over him but he knew it would be taken away with the tide soon enough. His whistling grew louder as he got ready to pull the trigger, knowing he would have a lot of cleaning and tidying up to do very soon.
"It won't hurt, love. I promise."
But Ben's hand shook and his arm suddenly recoiled to his chest in horror when he heard her response.
His eyes blew wide in his sockets when he heard the rhythm she was shakily humming against her chapped lips. Her wild, rabid eyes locked with his own as she started to hum a bit louder, showing how uneven and timid her voice actually was because this was her only chance at survival. Humming his own song back at him.
"How do you know that tune? How?!"
The words bellowed around the room, resonating back at Ben as he suddenly jerked his arm out and pushed the barell of the gun against (Y/n)'s temple. Hating the way she cried out and cowered back at the feeling but still tried to hum the tune to prove she wasn't copying him, she knew what tune he had started to whistle.
"I- it's my s-song." Her chest quaked and her whole body trembled like she was undergoing an electric current before she tried humming the ending of the tune to keep herself alive, at least for now.
What the Hell was he supposed to do?
Ben's job was to murder people for cash and get away with it. He had no morals or code or rules he lived by and he certainly had no partner or wife waiting at home for him because he couldn't have any weaknesses or strings attached to him.
But that was his tune. He recalled his mother telling him about how she met his father and despite what Ben did for a living, his home life had been a good one. He knew his parents had been in love and he knew that soulmates existed purely because of the way his parents had been when he was growing up. No one had loved or appreciated his mother more than his father did.
A soulmate was not what Ben was looking for, he simply assumed that whoever out there shared his song was someone that he would never find. He wasn't looking for them and he didn't need a soulmate in his life, his life was perfect as it was right now.
But she was here right in front of him, cowering away because he was about to snatch her life from her.
But he couldn't.
If he took her life right now, all Ben could think about was what he would have done if his father had taken his mother's life. What would have happened if his father had killed his mother at any one point in their relationship?
(Y/n) didn't ask to be his soulmate, maybe she wasn't even looking for her soulmate either. Ben couldn't do it. The one thing in life that he wanted to believe in and abide by was a soulmate, he didn't necessarily want his soulmate right now but he knew it was real and he believed it happened. He couldn't ruin that by killing his soulmate, (Y/n) did not choose to have her fate be entwined with a murderer. She didn't choose to have her soulmate be a brute who was about to kill her.
"You... fuck! Fuck!" His voice suddenly rocketed around the room before the gun was launched out of his hand and violently hit the wall opposite him. "Why?! Why did you have to have my song? Why did you have to fucking hum it? I could have killed you by now- I should have killed you by now!"
"Y-you would rather kill me... not knowing you killed your soulmate? You could have killed me i-if you hadn't of whistled our song."
It wasn't just his song, it was their song. They both shared it and (Y/n) didn't know if it would have been better if he killed her because he would have gone through the rest of his life wondering why he never met his soulmate. People didn't always end up with their soulmates, they got tired of waiting around and just settled with someone else or settled on their own and made a new life for themselves. Some people chose not to believe in it and others met their soulmate and were too stubborn to want to be with them. But everyone met them at one point in their lives and knew about it.
Ben would have been more confused if he went through the rest of his life and didn't meet his soulmate.
"But I can't fucking do it now! I can't... for fuck's sake! I can't tell my client I haven't killed you because it turns out your my shitting soulmate!"
"Then kill me!"
"I can't!"
Ben all but screamed the words back at (Y/n), knitting his hands into his shortened hair before he turned his back on her so he could try and gather himself and think it through. Ben couldn't bring himself to kill her now, not now he knew there actually was someone out there for him. A soulmate was different than just finding someone and falling in love. (Y/n) was his match, she was someone that would love him and take him as he was. She was his soulmate and therefore their fates were entwined, it meant that she would love him despite him being a hitman and murdering people for a living.
He didn't deserve love but now he had a chance at it and this was his one and only moral. He couldn't bring himself to kill her, it had been hard enough to convince himself to do it before but now it was impossible.
"I can't kill you now... as weird as it seems, I just can't do it. I've failed this job and now you'll go and leave me because I've tried to hurt you." Ben smoothed his hand over the back of his head and neck before he bent down on his knees in front of (Y/n). He didn't know how else to explain it and he was desperate for her to see this from his point of view but it was virtually impossible. He had kidnapped her, told her he was going to kill her and now he couldn't because their fates were entwined.
Ben could see it now that if he didn't kill her he would have to let her go and then he would lose her because he couldn't follow and stalk her for the rest of his life. It wouldn't be right. She would leave him and he would lose her all because he couldn't kill her.
"I don't- I can't leave you... I mean, your my soulmate too."
(Y/n) had her proof that this man wasn't going to kill her, he didn't have the mind-set or the courage or the will to do that. The worst he could do was be rude because he clearly didn't intend to hurt his soulmate which meant he had some very warped morals. (Y/n) believed in soulmates, she had been waiting for him and now he was here, albeit in the worst of circumstances. She wasn't just going to walk away from him yet.
"What do we do now?" As bad as this situation was, (Y/n) couldn't quite see where they went from here.
"Isn't it obvious? I was supposed to kill you but I can't do that... now I need to protect you instead."
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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years
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I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?
scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!
for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)
anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)
derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.
i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!
i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.
dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).
i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.
all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.
date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.
4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.
3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)
3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.
dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah
nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!
i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.
oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.
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musedblues · 3 years
Text
A Taste Of Honey (Part 2)
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summary: A 1920's Deacy au! In which the reader, who comes from a family heavily involved in the American temperance movement, meets John, a bootlegger from overseas.
a/n: Well here it is. I'm fully aware interest may be completely lost in this fic but I'm very proud to have finished it. Im not sure where my writing journey will go from here. All I know is that this has been a very long time comin'... enjoy if you dare!
part 1 - 2
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
"If anything happens, Deacy, I'll have your head!"
Ivan shook his fist from the front porch, illuminated by the light flooding from the opened front door. 
"I'll be fine!" You dismissed, skipping toward the car, still getting used to the sway of the heavy golden dress you borrowed from Alice. 
"I'm talking about my car!" Ivan shouted, correcting you. John let out a laugh at the remark, and gave your brother a nod, while he opened the passenger door, nudging you toward it.
Your brother and his wife had loaned the essentials to send you and John away for the party a man you never met was throwing. It was a small thrill, the prospect of such fun to be had, in comparison to the sickening exhilaration that coursed through you at the thought of spending any kind of evening at John's side. And the fact he'd asked you to. 
The ride was quiet and short, but dragged on with each new glance you dared to steal at the man driving. Both of John's hands relaxed on the wheel. A hint of that deadly smile on his lips. 
By the time you got to where you were going, you'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of the man by your side, that you'd nearly forgotten your plans for the evening.
If you had any expectations, they were blown clear away. Before you was an estate made up of too many windows to count, draped in vines and hanging lights. 
Even the crunch of the gravel that decorated the winding path you entered into sounded oddly elegant.
Inside was a fever dream of all the things you'd imagined on your short journey into the threshold. Across a giant winding staircase and below the shimmering chandelier were people from all walks of life, crammed together to have one grand time. Different music came from different corners and wild laughter filled the gaps, if there were any. 
And before you, John led the way. You couldn't recall the moment your hand found the bend of his arm, or if he cared that you'd reached out to him as he weaved through the crowd. But the grin on his face when he turned back to catch your eye had to be a good sign; despite the way your heart nearly burst at his look. 
John led you past hoards of people and trays of half full glasses. There was only one way to go, further inside the home, but John seemed to move as if he had an idea of where he was headed. Sure enough when the pair of you met the landing of the staircase, the host of the party was there to greet you. 
The host's initial booming hello was focused mostly on John. And without more than a glance your way, the party thrower shuffled John away from your side, insistent on sharing a chat with him on the top landing of the stairs.
You were left to linger, stalling at the base of the stairs and studying the crowd around you. Girls in beaded skirts and men with slicked back hair passed you by flashing well meaning but entirely distracted smiles. 
You'd felt mesmerized enough by the scene to slowly start to drift into it yourself. Reaching to brush your finger across meticulously carved bookcases and daring to take a glass from the extended hand of the first person to smile directly at you. 
You reached for the stem of the blue stained flute, and managed to make your talk small enough for the interested lad to wander far off. But offers kept coming. Glasses of this and that shoved in your face. You accepted the offers more out of respectful politeness than any eagerness to lose your wits. 
By the time you lost track of everyone's kind gestures, and a man was leading you closer to a table decorated with cards and chips, another hand intervened.
John was back, letting his fingers curl around your shoulder and nudging you in another direction of his choosing. Thrilling as it was for you, to have been handled just so by him, you were a little taken aback. 
Funny how after the sips of this and that, you felt steady as ever. But one look from John and your knees threatened to give out and all your cares too.
In the middle of the packed house, with John looking at you that way, you felt like the only person alive. And somehow this all added up to equal your new found courage to speak a little bolder than usual.
"Are you on strict orders from Ivan to steer me clear of any strange attention or do you maybe fancy me a little, John?" You dared wonder. You almost didn't care of the answer. So long as he kept guiding you through this evening with a strong steady hand.
"Both." John seemed to decide, continuing to guide you along. The pair of you had reached the patio doors by now, and the cool night breeze rushed through in perfect time to ease the heat that had rushed to your cheeks at John's response. 
"Let's go see the gardens!" You decided at first glance of the sprawling greenery that surrounded the estate. 
John let you tug him along, darting between couples and groups who'd come to ruin the fresh air with all their smoke.
He followed along, a very good sport, smiling as you pointed out flowers and trees you didn't realize could bloom in this part of the country. As you turned from marveling over a certain rose's colour, John seemed almost enraptured. Maybe not by your subject but certainly by some part of you. His gaze was fixed, and he seemed to bite back a wider grin. And your already lightened spirits seemed all the more weightless as your eye's met his. 
"If you keep looking at me like that, John, I'm going to have to kiss you." You let a small laugh escape, as the foreigners' expressions remained steadfast. 
He'd kissed you only the night before, on your brother's staircase. It was the only reason you felt free of regret enough to lean in and brush your lips against his again. John reciprocated fondly, letting one of his hands creep around the bend of your waist. You never realized it was possible to feel so happy. 
"Did you do that because you've been drinking? Or do you perhaps fancy me a little?"  John mocked your earlier statement, when the kiss died and your eyes locked. 
"Both." You smiled, charmed enough to try it a second time. But this kiss was broken much sooner than you reckoned any kiss ought to be.
"You know I'll be leaving soon. Just a week's more time." John killed the mood with a few words. You glanced to your feet and muttered understanding, noticing his hand still clutched your waist. 
"I just don't want to see you disappointed." John spoke up after a beat of heavy silence, and the words seemed hard for him to piece together, but he spoke them all the while. 
"Then don't disappoint me." You shrugged, glancing back up to the perfectly handsome man, who's smile seemed sad now.
"Come on, then." John said, moving his hand to find your own. "Not even I get to enjoy parties like this too often."
And you let him guide you back inside. You let the sun set on all the pretty flowers. And you let yourself feel grateful for the rest of the evening at John's side. 
///
He rode the train home with you the next day, sitting across the bench from you, and not saying very much. 
You felt the need to chatter at the pass of every few minutes. You got John to ramble a little about the other places he was due to visit in the states. The guy only one more stop at some.fancy hotel after your town, in the big city, next week. Then he'd head home. 
After explaining as much, the man went quiet again. But you couldn't let the silence last. It was as if you didn't work to hold his attention, it would be lost the next time you looked up. Maybe that wasn't true. But you couldn't risk letting John slip away so easily. Not when your heart practically lept from your chest each time his eyes met yours. If it wasn't meant to be, then so be it. But you were going to fight for the chance that you had, while it was still within reach. 
So when the train pulled into your neighborhood, and John stepped onto the platform, you stopped him waving goodbye. 
"Will you be back? To our shop, I mean?" 
John took a step closer toward you with a very serious expression that softened just before he spoke. 
"I wouldn't dare leave before telling you goodbye." He promised, in a low, sweet manner. 
John pressed his lips to your temple for one brief heavenly moment. And then he turned away to hail a cab. 
At least now, in your terrible mix of emotions, something very bright and warm burned within you. And you got to believe, for a moment, that the same reigned true for John.
///
But all was not well at home. How could it ever be? 
Your mother was horrified that you'd up and left for the night without so much as a word about it to her, and to your brother's home no less. 
Her disdain for her first born left you sick to your stomach more and more each day. 
But this was nothing new. You knew to give the woman a showy apology and to stay silent as she confined you to the kitchen table as she lectured about morality. Tomorrow things would be back to her regular sort of unhappiness. 
What really stopped you cold in your tracks that night, though, was the sight of your father stood in the doorway of your room with his arms crossed.
To bring a frown to his face was your greatest fear. For he'd loved you and shown it. And you dreamed of doing good by him every chance you got. As you stalled in the hall and waited for him to speak his mind, you hoped this would only be a reprimand for causing your mother unnecessary grief, for her madness made you all ten fold more miserable. 
"I know you've been with your brother..." Your father nodded with understanding, not looking right at you as he spoke calmly. "But that also means you've been with John. And I don't like that."
Oh. Ivan had warned you this might be your fathers mood. But you'd ignored his warning in hopes it wouldn't have been true. 
"You know John!" You countered, "You work with him! You're telling me you get to work with a man you don't like but I can't see him?"
"He's a fine man. But all wrong for you." 
"You're supposed to be the one who lets me find these things out on my own." You reminded. Your mother did plenty of directing you from day to day. Your father knew of what you spoke and nodded reluctantly, uncrossing his arms and looking you square in the eye. 
"Well not this time. Stay away from John, you hear me? He'll be gone before you know it anyhow." 
Your father rested a hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze as if to ease the blow of his demands. But as he walked back down the hall, the uncertainty that had stormed within you since John left you at the train station, raged wilder than before. 
What a jam... 
///
There was nothing stopping you from returning back to the depths of the coffee shop, the next time Ivan started up his business. 
Your mother was sound asleep, and your father was already there, serving the last of the coffee up top. Once you arrived you knew he'd be cross but unable to march you away. 
So you slipped on your finest dress and twirled down the rickety staircase that led to the party your brother charged for. 
There were already a good deal of friends jam packed into the small basement; dancing to swells coming from the gramophone and lining up to grab a glass from Ivan's makeshift bar. Your brother flashed a grin when he saw you sauntering in, but his smile turned somewhat more into a worried grimace when he saw you march up the man near the end of those overturned book shelves.
So was everyone concerned over your connection with John? Even the man who'd held your interest sort of frowned at the sight of you demanding his attention. 
John had his fingers curled around a glass. You took it from his grasp and the action made the bootlegger grin oh so slightly. But his frown returned after you slammed back the swallow of liquor in his glass- unsure yourself by what had come over you.
"Hey, come on, don't be that girl." Ivan called to you from behind the bar. You couldn't be sure if he was commenting on the way you'd claimed Deacy's drink for your own, or on the way you seemed too eager to get the stuff in your system. 
Before you could snap back at your brother's comment, though, John spoke up.
"Don't worry about it," He insisted in the charming draw of his. "Just pour me another." And as the man who you adored stepped past you to hold your brothers attention, John sort of let his hand brush across your waist. And he left his fingers to linger along your sides as Ivan, disgruntled, poured another for John. 
"Is that all you cut in line for?" Ivan sighed, nodding toward the few people, impatiently waiting to fill their glasses, stood in a row behind John. 
And you hadn't really considered this before your brothers prompting. But at his asking, you were moved to pull out a twenty dollar bill from your coin purse, and demand he give you your money's worth.
Ivan was reluctant, going on for a bit how once your father spotted you here, like this, that he'd surely be disappointed. And you didn't want that, did you? But little did Ivan know, you'd already disappointed your father. And you were determined to get something you wanted tonight, one way or another.
So with a sigh, Ivan poured you a tall drink and informed you were good to come back for a few more, to match your payment. 
So began your evening of ignoring John's worried remarks about slowing down. And as you kept the drinks coming you weren't even sure why. Perhaps it was to test your very own limits. To somehow prove you were more in control of your path than all the others who seemed to have something to say about the direction of your life. 
And damn John, for the way he kept his eyes locked on yours between the distance he silently kept insisting upon. And damn him for helping you find your balance, despite the steps he kept taking away from you. For letting his hands stay secure around your waist, long after you'd straightened up from stumbling.
And damn your father. He had to have been behind John's change in attitude. From the moment you'd met, John had been a flirt. And steadily, his quips kept getting bolder, until the last party you attended. Ivan's rambling about your fathers dislike of your fondness of John had to be what caused him to step back.
And damn your father, for finding you all dizzy in John's well meaning clutch, now. Your dad pointed to the door and demanded you find your way out of this scene. 
"I know you're not taking her back to your hole in the wall you've been staying at, in the state she's in." You father grumbled in a low curse, his eyes searing into John's. You tightened your hold on the fellow, shooting your father a glare all the same. He couldn't tell you where to go or with who. 
"Take her upstairs if ya like. But don't step foot past the alley. I'll be up in a minute."
After a shared look, John moved, pulling you alongside him. You moved,  happily leaning into him, disgruntled by the course of the evening all the while. Even Ivan seemed to shoot you a sorry grin when he noticed you being marched away, from across the room.
The alley was a little cold. But John's figure was warm. And as you followed his lead pausing just beyond the backdoor, you could feel this chance waiting to slip away. 
"You like me, don't you?" You wondered, turning to face the man you'd been so taken with since the moment he showed up at your door.
"Of course." John nodded, and answered so softly and with such care truly felt as though it were melting. 
"Then kiss me, John." 
"You're drunk."
"But we may never get the chance again. One or both of us are about to be beheaded. Either way, that'll make kissing hard to do from now on." You implored, letting your head fall to rest precariously on his shoulder as you finished your plea. You heard John let out a somber little chuckle as he dared to tighten his arm around you. 
And then you heard a shuffle beyond the backdoor, and let out a sigh at the timing of your father coming to ruin everything. 
But instead, the door bursts open to reveal Rita in a fluster. Her usually perfect makeup streaking down her cheeks. At the sight of the girl you'd always admired, a pang shot through your chest. But not immediately for her upset, whatever it was, but because you realized you'd failed to see your friend here all night, until now.
Before you could apologize, or ask what the matter was, Rita sucked in a breath and let out a string of words for you. 
"He was a snitch. He-he told my parents everything." She stammered, wild eye'd. 
"Who?" You begged to know, having turned away from John, but not having totally turned your attention away from his hand still rested on the small of your back. 
"The pastor's son. Cole. He- he said he was alright with this whole thing. But he... He told your mother. She's on her way here, she's-" 
Sound of a car roared closer, and the engine died away, drowning out the last of Rita's warning. For a second, you thought of making a break for it. But then the click of heels on the pavement seemed to count down your fate.
And then she stood there before you. Your mother, dressed to the nines, complete with her usual scowl.
You couldn't let go of John. Your nails seemed to dig into his side on their own accord. The pair of you stared ahead to the woman who gave you life, and kept you from living it all the same. She stood and stared too, almost like she was giving you a chance. And that was the scariest bit of it all. 
As time seemed to pause, John let your name escape him in a nervous breath, like a warning. Trying to alert you that your hanging off him wouldn't help. But there was no way you were gonna let him go now. 
It was then your mother decidedly sauntered up to the two of you, letting her eyes search your from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and back up again. 
When she let out a scof, you realized you'd been holding your own breath. And when you opened your mouth, willing oxygen in, or words of mitigation out, your mother decided what was next. 
Before you could blink, one of her strong hands was digging into your arm, and she was tearing you away from John's gentle hold.
And despite his caution earlier, you could feel John's hand still trying to keep hold of you, as you were yanked away. The sensation of being taken from the man's clutch was horrid, but what was more painful was the feeling of his fingers trying and failing to keep hold.
So when your mother tossed you aside, toward the brick of the coffee house wall, you were hardly affected; not like you'd only just been.
And when you looked up, after steadying yourself and dusting your stone imprinted hands of dust, John was stepping closer toward your mother. He shouted something at her, about how she didn't have the right to treat you just so. But before he could finish defending you, he was shut down.
Your mothers hand flew across his cheek, and the sound of the slap and John's shocked hiss echoed through the alley and caused something vile to rise in your gut. 
You pushed yourself from the wall then, indifferent to the dizziness you felt, desperate to reach out to the man you'd been so fond of; calling his name.
But your mother was there, more sober and more angry. And she halted your mission to make it to your man, digging her nails into your sides and forcing you in the other direction. 
"John I'm sorry, John..." You called past the lump in your throat. That was when Ivan came upon the scene. He darted from the doorway and did his damnedest to block your mothers storming off. 
"You're a monster. Let her go!" Your brother fummed, as your mother managed to storm around her first born, pushing you along. 
"I'm her mother. And I'll do as I see fit to keep my child out of harm's way." Your mother stated, almost calmly.
"You're no mother. You're a walking nightmare. She's not your plaything-"
"Word's won't fix this, Ivan." You said, reminding him that his defying of the woman only ever made her ten times more evil.
"I'll pray for your children, son." Your mother nodded, opening the passenger door of her car, and flinging you toward the bench. "They're going to need it."
You didn't look to Ivan, as your mother drove off. You didn't dare look to John. You only hung your head and cried silent tears while your mother peeled down the road. And the whole way home, she spat vile things about you and Ivan. Her own children. About your father, her beloved husband. And aout John, a man who, since his arrival, had only tried to help out.
You let your tears dry when the car pulled up to the house you'd never really felt at home in. And went willingly from the ride to the door, knowing you would get very far in the countryside if you dashed away now. You'd need a wiser plan. Still, your mother dug her claws into your arm and marched you up the staircase to your room, like you were a girl no oler to know better. 
"Stay here." She demanded after pushing your further into your bedroom, her fist around the doorknob, establishing total control. 
You expected to be banished here. What you didn't expect, however, was the return of your mother with boards to nail against your windows. You might've laughed if you weren't the one being all locked up. Wasn't this sort of thing only supposed to happen in twisted fairy tales? You're life was twisted enough, you supposed.
She left you there, trapped in the space that was meant to be your own, meant to be safe. As you sulked in silence, the memory of your mothers assault on John haunted you. The horrid sound her action resulted in. His gut wrenching reaction, the small hiss, his stalling in the place she put him in. 
And the way he watched you being dragged off, helpless and sorry for you. It was pathetic, the situation you found yourself in. So you let your tears bubble up again and you cried and cried; until exhaustion set in. Tomorrow was a new day....
///
There was a pounding at your door, loud enough to jolt you from slumber.
"Open up!" The sound of your father calling from beyond the hall stirred you fully conscious. In one swift dash you were stood before your door, jiggling the handle, feeling silly for hoping that would work. 
"She's locked it." You groaned. "Do you have a key?" Your wonder was nearly frantic, and so were you- trying still to twist the knob. At the sound of your fathers grumbled cursing, you began to bustle about for some hair pins, but quickly realized you wouldn'tve had a clue to how to finess the tools into working like another. 
Then you heard your mother. She  shouted down the hall, telling your father to get out of her sight, to leave you be. Shouting that you were better off confined. That you'd be locked away until she found the right reformatory to ship you off to. You knew she meant it. You knew she'd send you away without a care of your consent. 
"She's not a child anymore. You can't just treat her like a bad pet who needs training."
"I'm her mother. And I'll be damned if I don't do what's best for my child. I failed the first time. God knows you never cared about either of them like I care." Your mother spat, breaking your heart and your fathers too no doubt. 
Their bickering lasted a while longer, and you spun away from listening in to force yourself to think. There had to be a way out of here, out of this life. There had to be a way to a better world. 
And the best you could do was wait.  Until dinner. Wait until your mother brought you a tray of soup and bread, trading a few put downs before she twirled from your room. And then you checked the time, and counted down the hours to her always predictable nightly routine.
And you waited still, until your bedside clock ticked well passed after midnight.
And then you used a lamp to pry the nails away from windows. You could tell her bedroom light was out by leaning against the sill.
With no time to spare, you tossed a change of clothes in your purse, and the envelope stashed with tips you'd been saving for over a year. 
It wasn't a very long way down. With the help of a lattice panel and the dark of night, you found grassy freedom in no time. Your heart beat heavy as you crept toward the road. It wouldn't be safe, not until the city lights were in view. But your shoes were flat and your hopes were high.
Miraculously, no one stopped you. Not the truck who zoomed by somewhere still deep along the dark country road. Not the school kids on the edge of town, tossing bottles off the bridge. And not the sleepy clerk at the desk of the hotel you raced into. 
"Be here, be here, be here..." You prayed under your breath, hurrying to the room you remembered John booking. And right as you rounded the hall, the door of the room you'd been in search of opened. 
But the squeak of wheels gave away the presence of a maid, pushing her cart of cleaning supplies out into the hall.
"He's gone?" You sighed, stopping at the end of the hall, your feet aching after moving so ceaselessly through the night. 
"Whoever was here left a while ago." The maid stopped for a moment, looking to you with a sorry expression. "Around dinner time."
"Right. Is there a phone at the desk?" 
The maid nodded and wished you luck, and you thanked her for it. You'd need as much as you could get. 
The clerk who was still kicked back, sleeping, startled at your ringing the bell on the desk. And though they didn't seem pleased at your begging to use the phone, they let you.
It only rang twice. 
"Hello?" Your fathers voice was a pleasant surprise. Of course he'd gone to stay with Ivan, in the midst of all this chaos. 
"Dad, Im-"
"Where are you? Does she know you've gone? I'll come fetch you."
"No." You implored, holding up a hand as if he could have seen your insistence.  "No I've phoned to let you know I'm taking the train to the city. I've got to find John before he leaves. And I'm sure of where he is. I've got to try." 
John had told you where he was headed next, on your last train ride together. And you'd felt silly for keeping the details at the front of your memory... until now.
The other line went quiet for a beat. And you'd fully prepared yourself for your fathers disapproval. But then he just said,
"Okay." Your father seemed to realize the weight of your feelings, you thought, by his tone of voice. "I knew you'd get out of there, eventually." And once more, you could tell by his tone he wasn't just referring to the room you'd been locked in for the last couple nights. "Phone us again, when you're safe and sound. I know you will be."
At his blessing, tears sprung in your eyes. You were going to go no matter what. But to have your father on your side made you even more determined to fly out of this hotel, and to the next one you knew John was meant to be staying at. 
///
Booking a train ticket was nearly impossible. And if you had spent much longer pleading with the station, you would have missed the bus pulling up down the block, offering rides in the right direction. 
The couple hour journey was maddening, and thrilling, and terrifying all at once. You were on your way to change your life. No matter what John said, or how he greeted you; no matter if he fell into your embrace or left you in the hotel lobby, you'd never go back the way you'd come from. 
And luckily, you managed to find the hotel John had briefly spoken of, without much trouble. It was the grandest of the business booming on this side of the city. Folks flooded in and out of the revolving doors, as you considered the past set of days that had led you to standing before here with such an erratic heartbeat.
But you only stayed paused for a moment. Your feet were darting inside before your mind caught up with how close you were to the mission at hand. 
The lobby was just as full of people as the revolving doors had been, lines forming near the desk, groups fighting to fit their luggage into golden elevators. 
And though you hated to be the person you'd decided to be, you dashed to the end of the front desk, hoping the clerk would spare you a minute at most. 
"I just need to know if someone's booked a room." You begged to know, shooting sorry looks to the people you'd cut in front of. The clerk seemed to have no patients for you, but miraculously, another set of hands swooped in to help. Some nice older woman flipped through the bookings to find John's name, after you gave it, and came up short.
"What about Deacy?" You hoped all of a sudden, quickly beginning to lose your ambition the longer she shook her head.
You'd done what you could, rudely so. And scurried away so your unwelcome presence would no longer be in the way of things.
And as you sauntered away, giving one last pathetic glance about the crowded lobby, you reminded yourself that it was all alright. You might not have found John. But you were finally free.
And then you pushed through the revolving door. And past your ghostly reflection, you spotted a familiar set of grey eyes. 
John seemed to wait until your gaze registered his own, before spinning around to make it indoors. You ignored the chilly night air and pushed on until you were right back where you'd just started to leave from. 
There he was, before you as real and sure as the sun and moon.
"You never gave me a proper goodbye." You reprimanded through a growing smile. He'd promised to give you a farewell, once. 
"How about a rain check? I've got lot's more important things to tell you, as a matter of fact." The man you'd come to adore smiled then, and offered his arm. You held on without hesitation and managed to follow his lead through the crowd, to the room he'd been staying in.
It was a humble little space, his suitcase opened on the coffee table and a yellow lamp left on by the window. John shut the door behind you with a soft click, loosening the pale blue tie round his neck, as you glanced about the room.
"I came by. Your place, I mean." John admitted, leaning against the closed door, as you turned from admiring the wall art to face him.
"You did?"
And then John said your father had dragged the Brit along, that night he'd knocked at your door. John was outside with high hopes. But your mother had caught your father before you'd even known there was a plan. 
"So you did try to come and tell me goodbye." You laughed a little, kind of glad he wasn't able to. This reality where you'd run to him was much more befitting to the situation, you thought. 
"Well, no." John pointed, not laughing along with you. "I never really wanted to say goodbye."
You stood there, taking in the sight of him. Watching John's brows oh so slightly furrow upward, hope pouring from his expression. You considered the gleam in his eye and the way he slowly seemed to shift his posture a little closer to you. 
"So we haven't got to part ways in a hurry then?" You wondered. Asking more than if you could linger a while longer in his rented room.
John seemed to know what you were asking. He seemed relieved, too. His shoulders loosened as the man crossed the space between you, in no big hurry. It seemed the two of you had all the time in the world at your disposal, now. John took his time, reaching out to tuck away some loose hairs near your ear. And his smile grew steadily too. By the time the guy pressed a kiss to your lips, you'd been wondering if the dawn would be breaking any time soon.
But the longer John went on kissing you, the less you thought of the sunrise. As John enclosed you in his arms, all your thoughts were of the man you'd come to adore. 
And as laid next to him and closed your eyes to the rising sun, you couldn't recall ever having experienced such a bright morning. 
"So you're not too eager to head back home, yeah?" John asked, once you'd both stirred from a restful slumber.
"I think I found a much more suitable place to be." You smiled, referring to the spot you'd settled under John's arm. 
And it didn't take much convincing on his end for you to agree on catching the next boat across the pond. 
///
The other line rang so long you'd almost decided to hang up. Then your brother answered. 
"Helllooooo!" He sang in a chipper timbre, making you wonder if he'd been expecting you at exactly this time, or if he answered everyone that way.
"Well I was going to ask how you were but it seems you're so well I don't have to wonder." You laughed into the receiver. 
The morning was early, and a breeze blew back a sheer curtain, obscuring your view of the grey English morning. 
Ivan spent the next few minutes yaking about how glad he was to hear from you. And you were glad to listen. On your rather spontaneous journey overseas, you were bogged down for a brief moment, at the thought of being so far from your dear brother. But as he rambled in your ear now, you'd never felt closer to him.
Ivan asked how things were. He asked after John, and that mattered so much more to you than his concerns for your well being. And when you had had your fill of the attention being on you, you begged your brother to give you all the details of what happened after you ditched home.
He said your mother was as furious as expected. Said she tried to blame your brother and her husband for your running off. Said she tried to get the police to shut down the coffee house for hosting such an undignified business after hours.
"You should'a seen her face when she found out officer Willard was our most loyal customer." Ivan chuckled. 
"We did have to pay a fine, in the end, so she'd quit her raving. It was almost everything we'd saved away for the baby." 
Your brother sighed. And you cooed his name in commiseration. 
"But my friend who owns that estate, the one who threw that party John took you to," Ivan explained. "He was good enough to loan us a bit of cash to stash away." Your brother said the man tried to give the money away outright, as a thank you to Ivan for helping start up his own speakeasy of sorts. But Ivan was dead set on paying him back, one day.
"Now we can't decide to name the babe after him, or John." Ivan chuckled. 
"And what if it's a girl?" You mused. 
"That'll just have to be a surprise." Ivan said, and just then the line went dead. You called your brother's name with a little hope he'd come back to tell you more. 
But you didn't worry when the line went on buzzing. You'd see him and his darling wife and his child to be, one day. You'd see your father too, if he was still hiding out at your brothers place. Hell, maybe they'd all come over here. 
Maybe you'd build a life with John, in his humble little English flat. You certain felt at home, watching the guy of your fancy stay dreaming as the sun rose. 
John had been kind to you. He'd been your friend when he didn't have to be. He'd let you lean into him, and he laughed at your jokes. He invited you into his world and smiled wide the closer your ship rolled toward London. 
And he'd treated your shoes as if they'd always been stored in the middle of the welcome mat. John opened his space up to you, and asked every night for the first few weeks, if you were happy, if you needed anything more. Your answers were always yes and no. 
And he didn't need to ask for honey in his coffee anymore. You just knew to add a little in the warm cup you'd have ready near the place he liked to sit in the morning. 
It was familiar and it was sweet, and so was John. Maybe he liked honey in his tea, too. And dear God, how you prayed every year from here on out; got to be spent guessing at life alongside the man who'd thrilled you by wondering all your answers all along.
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darth-does-stuff · 3 years
Text
ok so i need to place this information somewhere and i just decided id post it here 
 idk if im even gonna post the actual superhero au fic but im posting it here anyways
 this superhero au is gonna fit all the angst in here because there is little angst in the chaos crew au lmao
but here are the separate arcs each is gonna face in this au under the cut
(there is gonna be some graphic stuff so be warned)
(it is also going to be very long)
heed the tags guys
Logan
A very important factor for his entire character in this au is that he has cybernetics. His right eye, his left arm, and the lower half of his left leg. This happened due to an explosion, his arm and lower left leg essentially blown off, and shrapnel piercing his eye. 
His arc centers around his cybernetics, thinking they are a burden, and feeling like he doesn’t fit in, along with feeling inadequate. 
Logan struggles with thinking that his cybernetics aren’t truly a part of him, just something he has to deal with. A burden. He resents it, there’s no sugarcoating it. He wishes he had his human limbs back.
 In his arc, he’ll deal with the fact he has them, and that no amount of wishing will ever change it. He accepts them as a part of himself, an imperfect part, for sure, but every human is imperfect. Hell, even human parts of himself are imperfect, so it fits right in. 
Before he accepts it as a part of himself, though, he deals with feelings of inadequacy. People often pitied him (keep in mind they thought he had prosthetics), trying to ‘lighten the load’ for him. He appreciated the thought, but they never let him do anything. He felt like they were belittling him. Logan tried to brush it off, but deep down, he worried that he truly was inadequate. Was he weak? Should he even be doing these things? Was he good enough? Sometimes...Logan felt he wasn’t.
But, once he hits the arc with accepting his cybernetics, he faces this feeling of inadequacy and proves it wrong. He’s been doing things normal humans couldn’t dream of and the city’s still thriving. He’s faced countless robbers, countless villains, and found a home with the team. He was good enough. He was okay. He’d be fine. Of course, sometimes he’d still have those feelings of not being good enough, but he could deal with it now. It wasn’t something that haunted his nightmares.
But, even after the whole cybernetic arc, he still faces the problem of not fitting in. Even before having superpowers and cybernetics, he wasn’t like other children. He was the eldest child, so his parents were basically helicopter parents, afraid he was going to get hurt in some way. As he got older and he had more siblings, they got a bit more lax, but he still hadn’t done things normal children had done. He didn’t explore, didn’t interact much with other children (though that was more of his doing), barely went outside, and had his every move basically monitored. Logan preferred reading a book to playing at the park, drawing a picture instead of hanging out with friends, etc., etc. So, he always felt a bit like an outsider. It only got worse once he had the incident. 
Now, he had fucking powers and literal robotics attached to his body, and he was scared. He was angry. He was...confused. How would his life change? What would happen to him? Then, all of a sudden, he got roped into being a fucking vigilante and just had to deal with it.
Then, he joins this team, all of them so much more normal than him, and he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared they are going to judge him, belittle him, like so many before them had done.
But...they don’t. They accept him, they joke with him, they are happy with him. And, he slowly starts to relax. He comes out of his shell and he feels...complete. It’s okay he isn’t normal. It’s okay he doesn’t exactly fit in. Everything is okay. 
He doesn’t blame his parents for being helicopter parents, he still loves them and his siblings. He knows they were worried about him. Sure, they did mess up, but he’s made countless mistakes in his life too. He doesn’t blame them or his siblings. They helped him become who he is and he is eternally grateful for that.
Patton
Patton faces the problem of his public image and his own self-image. In public and when he is Typhoon, he puts on this bright and chipper personality. And it’s grueling to keep up because that is not who he truly is. He’s much more mischievous, much more sarcastic, much more brash, much more himself. 
He tries to keep up this optimistic persona because he doesn’t want backlash. He’s afraid of what people would say if they saw the real thing. So, he puts up an image. Smile, all the time. Wave enthusiastically. Don’t let them see through you. Act like you’re fine. You always have to be fine, right? That’s what Patton thinks, at least.
With his arc, he slowly learns to just accept himself. It helps when Virgil joins the team, because he sees him not putting up a facade. He acts himself, dark and broody, sarcastic and sardonic. And nobody really questioned it or gave him backlash. Patton has this moment of ‘Oh’ because he realizes that he can show what he truly is. He no longer has to hide.
When he first starts showing himself as he actually is, he’s scared. It’s only natural, no matter how much you prepared for it, you will still be scared. Some people notice. There are a few news articles as some just want drama. But, his team, his friends, his family backs him up and it strengthens his resolve. He learns to ignore those types of people, knowing they only want drama. He can finally be...himself.
Roman
Oh boy, this is going to be a doozy.
Roman’s angst is that his entire world view changes, his beliefs (not religious) crumble. Everything just seems to flip for him.
Roman had always thought that everyone could be redeemed. No matter the deed. Everyone deserves a second chance. He’s faced criminals and villains with this belief at the forefront of his mind. 
When everything else seemed to be crumbling around him, this belief sustained him. It kept him going. It was a constant when nothing else stayed the same.
But now? Now everything is foreign. Everything is changing with nothing being that constant that he so desperately needed. This situation he is facing hits even closer to home because--well, I’m afraid I can’t say because of spoilers, but let’s just say it may involve a certain mustached villain ;)
But, anyways, in his arc, he realizes that everything can’t just be sunshine and daisies. He’s known this before, but it hits full force now. He has to accept that some people can’t be redeemed, that some are just...evil. He hates to admit it, but he knows it’s true.
His friends--no, family backed him up. They helped him with this realization, helped to make sure he doesn’t break. And he is so, so, so, so grateful and thankful for them.
He knows that some people can’t change. He’s...well, he’s not fine with it, but he accepts it at the very least. And when he looks around at his family, seeing how genuine and kind they are, he knows that, no matter what, all he needs is his family to survive.
Virgil
He faces problems with his self-esteem, his own anxiety, and his fear of lack of self-control.
He has little self-esteem. He always has, really. Since he was a kid, he always overthought everything he did, criticized himself severely, always tried to push himself harder, in unhealthy amounts. It all left him feeling so tired.
He kept doing this even into adulthood, checking himself, always wondering if he could do better, barely feeling good about things he did. Things he wanted to be proud of, but just couldn’t.
When he joins the team, it’s a slow process. He was immensely afraid of being judged, of being insulted, of them. They were all these heroes the city recognized and praised and he was left feeling like shit, in his mind at least. He felt like he couldn’t keep up. Virgil kept trying to push himself harder to at least try and be on the same level as them, but ended up pushing much too hard, passing out from exhaustion and stress.
They realized his mindset, having had once had this mindset themselves, and help him deal with it, help him try to minimize it because it’s not something you can be fully rid of. They know this themselves because sometimes they still get those moments, where they feel they aren’t doing enough and push harder, too harder. But, the best they can do is to deal with it. And that’s exactly what Virgil does. 
His anxiety is also a doozy. 
It holds him back so much. Especially with fear of failing. He doesn’t want to fail anybody. He wants to do the best he can and do it perfectly. But, the problem is that he can’t. He knows he can’t and it terrifies him. His anxiety and fear of failing prevent him from doing so many things just because of what could go wrong. 
The team also helps with this. They provide somebody he can rant to and offer solutions and different types of perspective. They help him to realize that if you only worry about what could go wrong, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything, you wouldn’t be able to live. Because with that mindset, you aren’t living, you are only surviving. 
And they help Virgil see this point. Help him to not let his anxiety hold him back from things he really wants to do. And it provides him with so many opportunities. 
They all know that sometimes, it’s going to happen. Sometimes, Virgil just can’t be able to do something because the fear practically paralyzes him. It’s like with his self-esteem issues. It’s not something you can be rid of, just something you have to deal with. They help him when this happens, help bring him back to reality and help to calm him down.
Lastly, his fear of no self-control. You have to remember that their powers can be heavily influenced by emotions. Strong bursts of emotions can work it into overdrive. Too much use of their powers can also use all of their energy. In very extreme cases, it can lead to death.
But, while Virgil is also afraid of the side effects, he’s mostly afraid of what his powers can do to other people, innocent people. And, to him, it’s a found fear. It’s happened before. He’s hurt others without meaning to and he vowed to never do it again. This is partly why he became a vigilante, to protect others instead of hurting them. But he is so afraid of still harming them and he has nightmares about it. It practically haunts him. He fears turning into those killers and villains he’s fought.
Once again, the team is very helpful in debunking this. They’ve explained their own experiences, explained how they themselves have hurt innocents without meaning to, and it’s something you have to just...deal with, like all other problems. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Him worrying about being a bad person just proves furthermore that he isn’t. After all, a bad person wouldn’t care about it. But, he does. And that is what provides the difference. 
Janus
spoilers spoilers spoilers
Remus
spoilers spoilers spoilers-
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lampoest · 3 years
Text
Unfiltered thoughts watching mission impossible rouge nation inspired by @chaotically-cas
(sorry its so long my brain is all over the place)
this is also part 14 of me watching it every day :/
CURSING WARNING !! ALSO SPOILERS !!!
why is brandt first to speak
starting out with "shit" good call benji
brandt man we get the package is on the mcfucking plane
badass luther 10/10
nervous benji 10/10
that one sound effects sounds like the discord notif
why he in a fancy suit
*jumps on a plane with almost no plan on getting inside*
why did tom cruise think this was agood idea?
but like why would benji even open the ramp?
how is he not winded from that?
classic ethan
THE INTRO 1000/10
SOLOMON LANE !!
wait you can already see lane in the record shop.
how do they tell the agents these little convos?
also damn way to give it away
what if someone just looked in that room and saw the secret message?
also how did the disc get changed? because the imf definitely didnt make that
and how did lane know where he was going?
speaking of lane---
dang that man is pretty
he always sets guns down carefully
i can only see alec baldwin as trump from his snl skits so i dont take hunley seriously ;-;
damn brandt needs to step it up. man keeps letting himself be inturrupted
bruh the imf is only luck
why did no one resrict his legs?
also why is janik such an asshole?
dang she cool !!
why does it take janik so long to get that gun?
bravo-echo 1-1
this man is bleeding but decided instead of taking care of his wound he calls brandt.
i like how you actually see ethan worried and confused trying to plan his next moves. he is rarely caught off guard so it's refreshing to see his more human side
hunley spitting accusations damn bro
also a big fuck you from ethan to hunley
dang ethan is good
brandts little hidden smile
and ethan leaving trails
bitch how you sketch that good???
STAN BENJI !!
youve won, your way out of a job
benji is good
my little brandt x benji shipper in me is happy
simon pegg is such a good actor
the first time i saw this i was like: aww noooo
all dunn with that
TO THE OPERA !!!
TUX BENJI TUX BENJI
i cant tell if that was ethan
it just looks like youre talking to yourself thats more sus than using a phone
want drama? go to the opera
ok but like if you look like that im sorry you are a bad guy. thats like a stereotypical bad guy face
benji-
you can see ethan in the background of that scene
flute gun flute gun
oh no benji is in the closet. dont worry man we love you
if i were there and i just had a good vantage point i could find lane in an instant
ooh ilsa pretty
pipe gun
also pamphlet computer
those key things are cool and plausible
spiderman spiderman does whatever, ethan hunt can?
a W O M A N
what W O M A N?
reminds me of a marshmallow gun i made out if pvc pipes.
why does she not put that thing back?
also the dude loads it and then later it is unloaded
dang that guy is pretty tall.
ethan is so tiny
dis bitch is like uhh gimmie a sec to catch my breath mate
why he only dropkick people?
only 30 mins in ?!?!
the cinematography is exquisite
yes benji goin sicko mode
*gets shot* just a flesh wound
bruh i would've been so startled at that
i love how confused he is at that
ilsa saves ethan once again
they did this on the first day of filming
skdjs
ah yes random package in car = not bomb totally
if she tried to shoot benji then yes she is a bad person
but she didnt try to, she could've easily but didn't
benji being paranoid
she could just say the dude's name
benji being scared
hunley jumping to conclusions
brandt actually cares yeey
why di they approach from different sides of the street they were in the same car.
benji was far away from the sparks why he flinch?
friendship goals
oop plot dump that only mission impossible can get away with
ok...
why this mf's voice so smooth
lane is struggling with chopsticks
also lane :))))
ive chocked on my water so many times watching this scene
lanes voice :))))))
SHE RUINED HIS SUSHI WHAT THE FUCK ILSA
this man dont know what personal space is
gotta look up these peeps mbti types
casablanca references
also benji is wearing dollar store lookin glasses while ethan is wearing some fancy glasses
luther is top notch
as much as i dont like jeremy renner he delivers these lines really well
because atlee is a bitch
oh honey please, impossible is a walk in the park
benji just wants to wear a mask
id be so nervous walking through those
yes...
personal wellbeing who?
why not bring a plastic bottle full of air?
tom cruise can hold his breath for 6 minutes and he learned to do so for that scene
luther big brain
damn cctv
why did they need to break in while benji was going in?
das sus but ok
also isnt et voila french?
she just randomly tapping the ipad
benji being stressed
if he missed the exact center
i want one of those to open my locker's lock
if he just went with the current and didnt try to force his way against the water ilsa wouldn't have had to save him
imagine if he put the wrong one in-
she is breathing heavily to over saturate her body with oxygen so she can hold her breath longer
see ilsa makes it out without well and she went with the current
BENJI'S OUTFIT YESSS :))))))
no you didn't
you gave her a false sense of security
ethan's confused face for the next like 10 mins is great
liar
why does that one man look like sean ambrose?
parkour
skdjdksjdjdkfjs
the facial acting in this
STAIRS STAIRS STAIRS
the glare yesss
vrrrm vrrm
hey its you !
drivin like a grandma
shit !
benji just screaming
im convinced that ethan is indestructible
no you didn't survive that
bonk
dskfh
ethan didnt just-
also why didnt benji just tell ethan he made a copy ???
dont shoot and drive kids
high speed motorcycle chase with no helmet or leather. tom cruise, how?
i wanna learn how to drive a motorcycle
HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD YET ?!?!
the lighting
ofc brandt would be the person why sits backwards on a chair. fkn bi vibes
benji to the rescue
fuck off atlee
i am so proud of us ...
the lines are done so well here
benji lookin like how i look when my parents argue
YES THIS SCENE
LANE LANE LANE LANE LANE
im too fucking gay for this movie-
once again no personal space
*inhales* :))))))))))))))
ive like memorized the entire script of this including the music
1 man performance of m:i5 ???
benji's outfit
also i love how youre able to see the characters in the background. props for the attention to detail
i need that haircut because his hair is lookin A+
fuck you atlee
ilsa spitting straight facts
uhh ilsa he still loves julia
NO BENJI NOOOO
EW FUCK OFF JANIK NO ONE LIKES YOU
speak of the devil-
betrayal--
WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO KNOW WEATHER BOY !??
actin sus
BENJI LANE BENJI LANE
his posture shdhskhsj (i cant be talking though)
0 personal space whatsoever
why does everyone have the same haircut in this???
simon mcburney pretending to be hunt prentending to be atlee
manipulation !?
the syndicate you say ? i know a thing or two about them 😼😼😼
damn though renner delivers these lines really well
a black tie? how informal. ..
complimenting hunt right infront of him
but he really didnt
i never realized that they were on the clock for this
huh...
the lil head nod though-
HAHA YEAH FUCK YOU ATLEE
is it bad that i hate atlee more than i hate lane?
ethan big smart wrinkle brain
janik just reading a fucking magazine
ethan has a photographic memory
oh look its benji :)))
lane :))))
ethan being tough
it must be aquward to get the low angle shots
lane is running out the clock to put pressure on ethan hmmm big brain
it isnt working though :\
damn he so cocky that hes telling the villain his plan
ill give you 1/5 of the money you wanted to get my bf back
ok but like does tom cruise just not age?
kill the woman
ugh i hate janik
the trust that is shown between those two is great
yes the score and the chase are so great
also this man really hates windows for some reason
fuck off janik
sneaky sneaky
EYY ITS LANE !!!
yeyy janik is dead
once again dodging bullets and hating glass
couldve killed him but needed him alive
the glass box
badass ethan
all the pretty men assembled
lane really let himself go aster this
dang though lane is my favorite villain ever
i like how for once the girl and the guy just are friends instead of romantically involved
eyy the callbacks to how the movie started.
welcome to the imf
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devak66 · 3 years
Text
The Visit
Time for the third tale from the AU. This one involving tubbo visiting dream ooooo
Word count: 1383
The pop of lava was about the only thing he heard as the bridge he was on led him to his destination. Tubbo didn’t want to do this but he needed answers. The mode of transportation suddenly stopped once it reached the end. The maximum containment cell. Tubbo stepped off the bridge, keeping his gaze on the man inside as the bridge moved back to the other side of the lava moat. Once it reached where it had started, Sam called out “Once the lava is back down you'll be able to talk to the prisoner. Tubbo simply nodded. He was starting to regret this idea as he felt the lava pouring behind him, the residual heat on his back. He looked at the other in the cell, the divider had retracted as the lava had completely covered the entrance to the cell. The prisoner was first to speak
“I wasn't expecting you of all people to come visit me” Dream spoke, his expression unreadable from behind the mask. Tubbo was honestly surprised he got to keep it, seeing how Sam had been so thorough about nothing being brought into the prison. Tubbo honestly didn't know what to say. This man had done so much and Tubbo had prepared so many questions so he did not get overwhelmed in panic of being so close to the man who had threatened his last life. “So, are you here to gloat? You’ve finally won”
At that point, Tubbo had finally found his voice “No. I actually need to ask you some questions”
“Oh? About what? About how I sleep at night? The answer is not as well as i used to”
“No” Tubbo repeat “I want to specifically ask you about Ranboo” This caught Dream off guard, before he could question why, Tubbo added “He had a dreamonic transformation and i want to know if you were involved with that.. Somehow”
“He.. he actually transformed” There was a hint of a smile in Dream’s voice. Not a mocking or cruel tone.. If anything.. It seemed proud “What triggered the transformation?” he asked Tubbo
“I.. thought it had something to do with you,” Tubbo was worried about what Dream would say. He had been mad at how willing to attack Fundy had been, but he was right. If Ranboo is as dangerous as any other dreamon.. He’d have to be dealt with.
Dream shook his head “That’s not how dreamons work. The first dreamonic transformation, well technically any to a dreamon not trained to control it, has an emotional state that will trigger it. It can be anything from wanting to defend themself to simply stress. So. What caused his transformation?”
“I, in all honesty, have no clue” Tubbo admit “Fundy messaged me about a dreamon and when i got there i found Ranboo like that”
Dream was getting angry with what he heard “you have to be fucking kidding me”
“What is it?” Tubbo was concerned
“I told fundy about Ranboo in a moment of damn trust” Dream said “what im fucking saying is Fundy probably asked him questions that he couldnt answered and caused the fucking transformation” Dream was getting pissed, the roots of his hair starting to go white. Dream noticed Tubbo starting to back away and took a deep breath to calm down, his hair going back to its normal light brown color “I’m calm. I’m good” Dream assured. He put a hand to the mask and traced along the crack going down the middle to part way past the center.
“I have a few more questions for you, if you don’t mind answering them” Tubbo was terrified at the idea of a potential dreamonic transformation when he had no potential of getting out safely
“Go ahead. I have nothing better to do” Dream said “When you’re done I’ll have a little offer for you”
Tubbo didn’t ask what that could mean, and immediately asked the first of the questions “What did you tell Fundy?”
“Simple. I told Fundy about Ranboo’s other half, which is dreamon” 
“How did you know it?”
“Dreamons can… sense it” Dream lied “Dreamons have a magical aura that normal folk cannot notice”
“If that’s true, you'd be able to say if there’s another dreamon in the area” Tubbo wished he had been able to bring a book, this information is incredibly valuable and if he could had taken notes on it
“Yes. But why would i tell you, dreamon hunter?” Dream is glad Tubbo hadn’t noticed the amount of lies Dream had made. Because, why would he lie? He’s not leaving. But he’s not lying for himself. If anyone knew that Ranboo was his brother… who knows what the people would do to him
“Why did you get so mad about what Fundy did?”
“I… Um.. cant let my pawn and fellow dreamon get hurt” Dream said, thankful that he had his mask to hide his expression for that blatant lie
Tubbo frowned “You know Fundy told me what you had told him”
Dream didn’t respond. How to get out of this situation… “I know Ranboo is your brother,” Tubbo said, studying Dream’s body language. He couldn’t read his face, because of the mask, so he’d have to find other ways to analyze how he’s feeling in the moment or if he’s lying
“That could have been a lie,” Dream said. He’s definitely tense but trying to not be too obvious
“But why would you say something like that” Tubbo replied almost immediately “I know how you are, green man, but i don't see the strategic point in telling him. On top of denying it afterwards. Maybe you told him and regret it afterwards”
“If you know me so well, you know how i'm always a step ahead of you”
“But i also know that even you can make mistakes. And your biggest mistake for this conversation was showing how protective you are of Ranboo” Tubbo grinned. Checkmate
Dream was quiet for a few moments before he sighed “fine. You got me. But put yourself in my shoes. The tyrant that is hated by all, if people knew ranboo was my little brother, how do you think that would go? It would be a repeat of everyone finding out who your father is'' he said blatantly
Now it was Tubbo’s turn to be quiet “But all you did to him”
“What i did was all for a reason. I don't need to explain myself to you” He took a deep breath “You said little Tantabus had a dreamonic transformation?”
“Tant-”
“You’ll want my help to help train him” Dream said “his dreamonic state will be difficult to keep in check without it, and i don't mean emotional training. Let me do this” “No..”
“You need me!”
“I don’t! Fundy snapped him out fine without you” Tubbo said
“How”
“You don't need to know”
“How did he snap him out, Tubbo” Dream was stern, staring at the goat hybrid
“By reminding him who he is” Tubbo replied, which made Dream laugh
“It’s not that easy. You need me. Ranboo was just tired, that's why he reverted to normal form”
“No!”
“Tubbo. You don't understand all i've done for ranboo! Let me do this!”
“NO! Just stop!”
“I’ve done everything for him! The lies i’ve said to keep him safe, the lives i've ruined to keep him safe- this.. this isn't helping, is it”
Tubbo was backing away “No.. i can't”
“Think about it, please. I'm not your enemy in this situation. I just want to help Ranboo.. I’ve missed him” Dream pleaded
“Sam!” Tubbo called out to the warden, he was done with this visit
“Tubbo.” Dream tried
A voice spoke over the PA system “are you done talking to the prisoner”
“Think about it.. Please… i want to help” Dream said
Tubbo kept his gaze on the masked prisoner “Yeah, Sam, i'm ready” He looked away from Dream.
It took a few minutes for Tubbo to be brought out of the maximum security cell. Sam studied the smaller male “Did everything go well?” Tubbo simply nodded, he had a lot on his mind. Sam led the way out of the prison, after a few minutes of walking, Tubbo piped up
 “Hey.. Sam? Can I ask you something?”
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professorwilliam · 4 years
Text
Chuuya Nakahara
❝ like a sheep living in a pack of wolves. ❞
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CHUUYA NAKAHARA APPRECIATION POST
im going through an extremely soft fifteen chuu phase, so all the good things about my boy.
He's a strong mf. both physically and mentally.
Literally has a god of destruction living inside him. At the age of 7. Let that sink in.
He was leader of an organisation at the age of fifteen, even if he had flaws it still takes alot to have control over people.
Unlike Mori, Chuuya was not a manipulative leader who kept his thumb over all his subordinates. He was just trying to take care of all of them.
When Shirase said that sheep had decided what to do with Chuuya after his associations with port mafia. He didn't even counter it, he said he'll be okay with whatsoever they had come up with.
When Shirase stabbed him and everyone turned on him, Chuuya didn't hold an grudge and took all the blame on himself.
( an : SHEEP WERE FUCKING STUPID LIKE YOU COULD HAVE ATLEAST SAT DOWN AND HEAR HIM OUT BEFORE STABBING HIM THE FUCK)
( ALSO YOU ALL ARE LIKE 12 YEAR OLD KIDS HOW THE FUCK WERE YOU PLANNING ON TAKING DOWN THE FUCKING PORT MAFIA, ITS NOT AN ARCADE GAME TFFFF) anyways ,,,, moving on.
When Dazai said he was about to kill everyone, Chuuya was immediately high on alert and ready to fight 40 something men, all while having a wound and numbed out from poison.
His only demand was that Dazai shouldn't hurt the kids.
He visits Randou's grave, and from what it seemed he did it often.
Even if he had an grudges against Randou or was proud of have defeated him; Chuuya didn't snicker or mocked him. Instead he sincerely listened to him before sending him off. (Even kept his hat)
He can't take unnecessary violence especially against the ones who can't fight back (may seem weird because he gets angry so quickly) but in the dark era when Dazai kept on shooting the dead soldier Chuuya stopped him because he saw no point in fighting a dead man.
Chuuya might seem like a mere hot headed guy but he's extremely easy to negotiate with. When he was sent as a messenger in the three way conflict arc, Chuuya had fun fighting Yosano and Kenji but he disengaged immediately when Fukuzawa began negotiation with him
He treats his subordinates with respect and honour. During the attack with the cursed doll, many of his subordinates had died. He was pissed to see that happen.
During the dead apple movie, Chuuya had threatened to kill Ango. But he didn't do so because he understood what position Ango was put into and it couldn't be helped.
He even acknowledged that despite his grudges. He still owes Ango a favour.
He has a blind trust in Dazai. Even if he claims that he hates him. Chuuya went into the fight with the dragon head on because he believed that Dazai would have planned something out.
He assured Akutagawa that Dazai was fine after the fight and he hasn't sided with the enemy.
He doesn't retreat back from the things he set his mind on.
He understands sacrifices and doesn't takes it lightly.
He didn't believe he was human enough when he was merged him the god of destruction, it was something he struggled with since young age.
In the extra ova : he even acknowledged that the situation would have been more fun if Dazai was involved, admitting that Dazai was am extremely strong opponent.
He even admitted that it's stupid to go against the armed detective agency as they were extremely well grouped and strong.
In the “Welcome to hot spring!” extra reel, he sat down with Akutagawa and talked with him calmly. Telling him he doesn't always had to Impress Dazai, also giving him advice on how he could it if he's so adamant on it.
He's the mom of the mafia ! </3 it was Chuuya who made Akutagawa take a bath in the hot spring and then only showered him. Once he was done he started wondering why he was doing it anyways.
He took care of the drunk mafia </3
In the manga it was Chuuya who saved the armed detective agency from the hunting dogs.
He loves his city and will do anything to protect it.
Conclusion : Chuuya best boy.
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Text
fruits basket manga lb (ch 115-118)
CH 115
“The feeling... of being left behind.” Oh no. 
I actually agree with the maid - Ren IS despicable. She’s horrible. I do think I’m at the point where I dislike her more than Akito, honestly. I at least feel bad for Akito at certain points and it’s growing with each chapter. Ren? She can fuck off, honestly. 
“She’s worthless” about Isuzu. Lol shut up bitch 
“You’re the one who’s worthless, Ren-san” OH HO SHIGURE WENT THERE
Ren is such a hypocrite. In one breath, she criticizes Akito for holing onto ‘delusions’ when she’s sitting here doing the same shit with Akira. 
“She just didn’t want to stop being Akira-san’s ‘number one.’ She’s jealous.” FACTS
Wow she didn’t even hold baby Akito. :/ 
“The way she is now... whose fault.... is that?” I love that this is being brought up, and I’m gonna talk about it. Akito is a product of her environment, we know this. It’s not surprising that she turned out this way. It’s all she knew. She’s clinging to words that her father told her, to justify her actions and make sense of her existence. Otherwise, in Akito’s eyes, her mom was right about her - and that’s a horrible perspective to have. It’s understandable of course: that is what abused children think. Akito is as much a victim from abuse as any of the others. It’s like this entire series has been a game between Ren and Akito and seeing who the winner will end up being, and damn the collateral picked up along the way. 
The way Akito is now.... it’s mostly her own fault, but it’s ALSO Ren’s, Shigure’s, Kureno’s, the maids, the entire Sohma family’s. They all either directly caused this behavior or were content to let it continue. Or they simply chose not to try and get her help or direct her something more positive. I blame Kureno less than I do the others, because he was as much as a victim as everyone else, in his own way. Shigure I do hold responsible because even though he’s under the curse too, he knew Akito best, knew her entire situation, and is still comfortable talking to and fraternizing with Ren. 
At the end of the day though, Akito’s decisions are her own, and until she owns up to it and changes her ways, she’s the same as her mother. I feel much more for her now as opposed to when I first started the manga and anime, but she’s still got a ways to go for me. We’ll see by the end where I stand on her. 
One thing I know for sure: Ren is an irredeemable piece of shit. 
Okay, let me address this scene with Akira and Akito. I totally get where he’s coming from, being a loving father to his daughter that is treated like crap by her own mother. She deserves this warmth and care from her parents, even if from just one. But I feel like this approach, the way he explained her destiny to her, was part of the problem. One parent was overly loving and wanted to give the child everything and told her how important she was and the other was cruel and cold. Akira needed to let Akito know the meaning of the word “no.” Not to be harsh, or cruel to her, but to let her know that the Zodiacs are people too, and they can’t be sentenced to a life of imprisonment with her just because she is their God. That if she treats them right, they’ll be close and bonded, but allowed to live lives of their own. It doesn’t mean that she’s been abandoned, or that no one wants to be with her. Healthy relationships can exist from a distance, and that was not expressed by anyone in Akito’s life. It certainly explains her terror when thinking they’re all going to leave her, or she’s told that they’re going to. 
OH SHIT OH MSJFSFJS DID THAT JUST HAPPEN
MOMIJI’S CURSE
IT JUST BROKE
IM SOBBING MY BEAUTIFUL BOY IS FREE
CH 116
Momiji is walking past his mom’s house? I’m upset
Ohh boy here comes Akito
I do feel bad for her... it’s sad, because she’s brought all of this on herself, and to a degree, it’s karma. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel bad. 
Momiji realizing that Akito is weak and has no power over him anymore.... wow, we love to see it. 
omg are Haru and Yuki realizing it??? 
Tohru blushing at seeing Kyo!! 
Momiji watching her! ;A; 
“Well... you know, right?” AHHHHHHH HE SAID IT
Oh, Momiji did go talk to Akito again... 
“Akito, I can’t spend the rest of my life at your side.” YES MY BOY
Okay here she goes, slapping him. And she’s rubbing salt in the wound, lashing out because of her own pain... and Momiji is bigger than that, better than that. The fact that he’s admitting that nothing will go back to how it was, that breaking from the curse is just as much a curse as actually being under one... that’s truly sad. I hadn’t thought of the bond as a beautiful thing in a while, but I see the potential it could’ve had TO be. They were united by something that could’ve been beautiful. To an extent, in between all of the horror that came with it, it was. 
“I’m going to walk my own path.” I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
“How about you? How long are you going to stay HERE?” I love this question for many reasons, but mostly because it shows that Momiji still cares about Akito and wants her to be happy, too. 
I respect that Akito isn’t trying to stop him even further with more violence or more demeaning words. I don’t know if Momiji’s words are having an impact and she’s starting to realize what she’s caused, or if she’s internally about to have a meltdown and do something much worse, but for the moment, I like that she isn’t lashing out at him much more. 
CH 117
Oh, we’re paralleling mother relationships with Tohru and Akito, are we? They really are foils of one another. 
You’ll get another chance, Tohru!! 
Damn Ren is legit awful. 
“This thing?! It was just a toy to pass the time!” Oh, okay. Explains the “you’re just a toy for me to play with” from little Akito to Yuki. Was this the moment she snapped in the room and painted it black? Was this the precursor? And she repeated those awful words her mother said to her? 
“It meant that I could show off...in front of that woman.” Yep, called it. 
Holy shit she’s becoming aware... “I forced them to stay.” 
“I had faith that no one could split us apart.” So Tohru being involved was so Akito could show Ren that no one could interfere with her bond to the Zodiac. I hate saying that Ren was right, but... it’s true. And like the sad thing is, in this case, the bond SHOULD be severed, because it’s unhealthy for everyone involved, including Akito. But I relate to Akito here: I wouldn’t want my abuser to be proven ‘right’, either. 
Ren is insane
I do appreciate the maids being kind to little Akito. It’s just an unfortunate situation. All of the wrong words in the wrong kind of environment, not knowing how much to support someone without supporting them TOO much to the point of enablement... 
CH 118
Is Akito actually gonna kill Ren? I’m not opposed to that honestly. 
HIRO
HE’S HOLDING HIS BABY SISTER!!!
DID HIS CURSE BREAK?!
YESSSS
That’s two Zodiacs down! oh my god it’s actually HAPPENING.
“No one ever gave me a different way to live!” I mean, Akito is not wrong. She’s justifying her actions, but at the same time, she has a point. Everyone around her allowed this. Like I said: at the end of the day, she’s responsible for her own actions and she needs to own up to them and not shift the blame to everyone except herself. Hold everyone else just as responsible, yes: but admit your own faults. 
SHE JUST STABBED KURENO
JFC
Come on, Akito. You could’ve made a good decision right there, Kureno is willing to help you with the change. But unless you actively want to, nothing will happen. 
Is Kureno actually going to die??? omg. This was the quick moment from the trailer with the knife, right? Holy shit.
“So then what? It’s MY fault?” YES. YES, it IS! It’s your mother’s, and Kureno’s, and Shigure’s and the Sohma’s too - but it is YOUR fault with how you continue to treat people. 
“Where are they all going to go?” as she thinks of Tohru.
Oh god
oh fuck
Akito, I’m being more sympathetic to you, but if you hurt Tohru again, it’s OVER. 
Kyoru!!
“Kyo-kun... there’s something... I need to tell you.” OH MY GOD HERE WE GO HERE SJFJSFJSFJSJFSJFSF
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icharchivist · 3 years
Note
cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)
and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)
anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)
also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)
that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)
to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)
anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)
now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)
some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)
i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!
OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c
tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.
I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.
The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.
On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)
ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c
So glad you were invested in that conflict!
Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.
But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.
both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.
admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event
i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!
It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself
I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.
Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?
The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.
And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.
I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!
And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.
Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.
So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.
Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.
So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.
ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!
DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....
AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?
The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?
but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D
oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)
DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha
And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.
Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.
thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c
Take care!
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