#so my tolerance is gone

[panb1mbo]

i can’t believe i used to hit the pen until it auto stopped i just took like a five second hit by accident cause i had my pen in my mouth but i wasn’t actually holding it and i accidentally inhaled longer than i intended and i am gone i am oh so gone

[sakurm]

belated 4/20 post bc i was busy on funny weed number day

[souenkun]

I don't see this talked about often in the english side of the fandom, as this tidbit got lost in translation, but:

In the japanese versions for both texts and voice lines in the middle-aged opposites venet, kabu addresses larry with "—kun (くん)" in their second meeting in front of the restaurant. It's a japanese honorific to address someone who is a junior than you, in terms of either age or work experience/status. Inferring from this, kabu may either (1) be slightly older than larry in age (as I think they both have equal years of experience, just that larry happened be slightly superior to kabu in terms of their workplace status because he is also an elite four member), (2) be that friendly and warm as a person that he calls larry with "—kun (くん)" right away in the second part of their event's story, or (3) both.

Take what you will from this, friends! 🫡

[rexscanonwife]

Not me making a s/i for a game that I'm probably not even gonna play myself 😭🙏 here it is folks some simple ref of my bg3 tav!

She's a half-elf Paladin and a follower of Oghma, the God of Knowledge, with a sage background ♡ she's got an insatiable and somewhat macabre curiosity that leads her to explore things that are sometimes considered a bit disturbing but she finds fascinating! She has a bit of a manic edge that can make her seem a bit inconsiderate at times because she talks faster than she can think, but she means well and is very sweet! And of course she's catching feelings for a certain someone 😊

♡taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @squips-ship @drjohndisco @adoredbyalatus

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[vehemourn]

i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.

[bastart13]

I caved and read Remarried Empress because of your post and honestly I strongly agree that the fandom is very nasty towards Rashta. I mean yeah, the story is very much set up to frame her as a villain no matter what she does since the Empress is the main character, but I feel like Rashta also has some strong points as a character and she's reacting like anyone would to some of the offences she receives from the Empress (imo the story rationalizes why Navier is mean towards Rashta a bit too much for my liking). Idk, I know it's popular to pit women against each other in romance stories so there's a scapegoat, but it's a bit infuriating when most of the fandom demonizes Rashta when she's literally just a gal who's out of her depth.

I am in desperate need for a story along these lines where you can have women in opposition to each other but neither are demonised. Please... I just want a story with flawed women who the fandom appreciates for their complexity....

I've said it in the comments of another post, but it always bears repeating that Rashta was born a slave! Slavery is one of the greater evils of society! She was physically and mentally scarred, sexually abused, had her baby stolen from her, and hounded by her slaver even after gaining freedom! Of course, she's doing everything she can not to go back to that! Like, I know suffering doesn't automatically justify your actions, but y'know, I don't blame her for trying to win the protection and love of literally the most powerful person in the country.

Navier has every right not to like Rashta, but dear god, the fact that slavery exists while she's the Empress is not a good look for her, and Navier is my favourite character!

If the author really wanted a story about a manipulative homewrecker getting her just deserts, she should have been anything other than a former slave. Otherwise, you need to treat both Navier and Rashta as two sympathetic characters in a morally-grey conflict.

In the end, Soveishu is the villain of The Remarried Empress. He refuses to tell Navier he thinks she's infertile. He refuses to tell her he loves her romantically and wants that relationship. He refuses to understand Navier's situation, and he puts Rashta in danger without care, abandoning her the moment his ploy to make Navier jealous blows up in his face. Unlike Rashta, he doesn't have any sympathetic motivation to justify his actions. He just wants Navier to be his obedient wife, accepting whatever he does without respecting her intelligence by talking to her. Soveishu is not treated like a good person, but frankly, the narrative doesn't treat him like the central antagonist he is. No, that spot goes to Rashta because she's a homewrecking harlot who's too poor to belong in high society, despite everything to the contrary.

[slutdge]

my brain is not on so i hope this makes sense but forced institutionalization of all kinds will never be leftist and it will always do harm like i know yall cryptolibs that get all your knowledge of leftism from memes and think you dont need to read any theory think some forms of institutionalization are ok but like. no they are not. the answer will always be compassion and rectifying the symptoms of society that, by current laws, forces someone into institutionalization in the first place. yes this includes psychiatric institutionalization. psych wards and institutions do very little to treat people, and in a lot of cases actually make them worse. youve never experienced psychiatric abuse and it fucking shows. have a nice day.

[yanban-san]

Hi YanBan,

how ya been?

So I've been having a *hell* of a time this past... year. Year and a half? Two years? It's been hell! It's now a different kind of hell-but-becoming-unhell for the first time ever! I'm trying to move out of my house within a year!

AND I'M COMING BACK TO TUMBLR!

And I hope everyone and anyone reading this is doing far better!

[restinthewest]

I have folders in my email for all of the dogs I've had, just simple categorization of any emails that come through pertaining to them. It's mostly appointment stuff, vet records, etc. I was sorting some things into Hallow's folder today when I noticed Jackalope's old email folder. I clicked and browsed through it just to see what was in there. Nothing too interesting. The last thing in there, from 8/19/2020, was the email invoice from his emergency vet visit and euthanasia. Last line item on the invoice; sodium pentobarbital.

Like, of course this is the last Jackalope-related documentation that I have- what else would it be? I don't know why seeing it laid out like that bothered me so much. I guess it serves as a stark reminder of the cruel end to his story.

Over the years I have made peace with so much around Jackalope... often I can remember him with a smile, even if I still struggle to maintain composure when speaking of him. Still, the memory of that last vet visit cuts like a knife. I try not to let his death eclipse his life... he was so much more than that, but man, what a sad, difficult, abrupt death. I wish it could have happened differently. Handing over his leash and letting someone take him away from me is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done. I can't get the last time he looked at me with his sweet muzzled face out of my head. I guess I don't wish that I could- after all, it’s my very last memory of him- but it’s not a memory that brings any peace.

I hope the vet staff treated him softly. I'm sure they did their best. They were obviously very busy that night- the staff I interacted with were kind, but clearly stressed. I hope he was given a soft word and a gentle touch, at the end.

[jellogram]

It's so completely wild how my family will give me shit when I'm gone for months at a time and go "Unnngggghh we never get to see you!" and then almost immediately upon my return, proceed to make me feel like some obnoxious gnat that got into their house.

[genderwizard]

i am feeling so fucking good actually

[kayoi1234]

Bad Fanfic Idea #3

I accidently made myself laugh at this so here: What if Kaveh, our favourite broke Architect who likes to make his food into miniture buildings because you know it’s Fun had like...no sense of taste. Like it’s just Gone. He eats something and tastes nothing because his tastebuds are so fucked top the point where he only really eats spicy food for the heat and not for the flavour.

It would be such a like..dumb thing. He never mentions it to anyone excpet maybe Tighnari who now has someone who doesn’t complain about how bitter medicine is. On the other hand Kaveh nearly gets food poisoning like three times a week because he can’t tell if food is off by taste he has to go by texture or smell but no taste often means smell is fucked too so he just exists in a sort of “I don’t fucking...I don’t fucking know��

Anyways this thought came to me because Alhaitham probably stole his drink or whatever and when Alhaitham said “This is good wine.” Kaveh could have had like a minute crisis of “Is...is it?” and then kind of just goes about his day.

Comes to head when Alhaitham asks him to try something (Dunno why if you’re a shipper then it’s courting if not then it’s just to bully Kaveh by finding out what he doesn’t like) and Kaveh just sitting here and saying “This game has a critical flaw in it,”

“What do you mean?”

“Alhaitham...I can’t taste.”

And like, as it turns out, Alhaitham didn’t even know, he just assumed Kaveh had like bizzare tolerances for food that he hadn’t found, because Alhaitham is the kind of person of high intelligence low wisdom and thinks Kaveh unironically liked that stinky tofu he got from a Liyue trader once to piss him off. So the exchange continues like “What do you mean you can’t taste?”  and Kaveh has to explain to him that it’s a whole thing and not a big deal let him eat his mug yogurt (Yogurt in a mug) in peace and Alhaitham is wondering what else is a lie.

[hirazuki]

Between my dog (two gates, one for either entry of the kitchen), my cat (a gate around a fake plant she was obsessed with chewing bits off of and swallowing), my sister's dog (one gate for my sister's room where he hung out when no one was home because there was nothing there that he could jump up on, one gate for each of our bathrooms because he liked eating cat poop, and one gate around the couch because even when supervised he'd try to take running jumps onto it), and my sister's cat (a gate around a majesty palm that she would just not leave alone), we had eight gates in our 1000 sq ft. apartment. That's one gate more than Gondolin.

As of today, we have none, and it feels so weird.

[delicatetaysversion]

okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late

[knightelf]

not me getting in trouble for alcohol abuse 🫶