#so once they release in game tomorrow night ill probably be drawing them

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

i hope youll all forgive me if i draw emukasa

[izzyfandoms]

Goodbye

This is for my wonderful partner @thelogicalroman for their birthday! If you see this, go wish them a happy birthday!

SHIPS: LAMP

CHARACTERS: Roman Sanders, Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders

WARNING: Vague/implied (possible) major character death, angst, break-ups, illness, unhappy ending

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @aj-draws @phantomofthesanderssides @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread @mrbubbajones @glassferns @pun-master-logan @gayturtlez @k1ngtok1 @yourneighborhooddisaster @alexxander-the-gay @full-of-roman-angst-trash @kingpridesanders 

Masterpost

Roman was shaking with excitement.

There were three ring boxes in his pockets: one for each of his wonderful, wonderful boyfriends – and, hopefully, soon fiancés. Each ring was specially picked out to match each of his loves: unique and wonderful, just like them, and he couldn’t wait to present them to them. To get down on one knee, announce his love for them and hopefully, hopefully get a yes.

Of course, he was nervous as well, but he loved them! And he was sure they loved him, too.

They told him that every single day: as greetings or goodbyes, along with hugs and kisses and all kinds of affection, whispered over pillows in the middle of the night, and in any other moments where it just felt right to announce their adoration.

They had been together for so long, so a marriage proposal was practically inevitable at this point, though who would do it was the one thing still yet to be decided.

Of course, Roman wanted so desperately to be the one to propose: to be the one to get down on one knee and present the rings, to announce his love for each and every one of them, to ask if they also wished to forever be with him – with each other – as he wanted to be with them.

So, he had bought the rings: carefully picking out each one to match his wonderful boyfriends.

Roman would finally get to propose tonight, and he was sure that it would go spectacularly.

He loved them. They loved him. They loved each other.

Their relationship was perfect, perfecter than perfect.  

This would all go wonderfully.

(Or so Roman thought.)

“My darlings!” He called out as he stepped through the front door, shutting it behind himself and kicking off his shoes. “I have arrived!”

Patton immediately emerged from the kitchen, stepping into the hallway, rushing to greet his beloved boyfriend. He wore an apron over his clothes and beamed widely when his eyes landed on Roman. He immediately went over to him and threw his arms around Roman’s neck.

“Honey, you’re home! I missed you.”

Roman laughed. “My love, I was only gone a few hours.”

“So, you didn’t miss me?” Patton teased.

“Of course, I missed you!” Roman said, cupping Patton’s cheek with one hand. “My love, my heart aches for you even when we have spent just a mere second apart. Every moment I spend not seeing your gorgeous face is a tragedy.”

“Aww, you flatterer,” Patton said fondly, genuinely. “I love you so much.”

Footsteps approached from the other room, and they both looked up – away from each other's eyes, which they had begun to stare lovingly into – as Virgil stepped into the hallway. He leant against the doorway as he looked them over, eyes flicking between the two of them.

“You two are as sappy as usual,” he said, though he was smiling slightly and looked a mix of amused and fond.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it, hot topic – emphasis on hot.”

Virgil snorted and moved from the doorway, taking a step towards his boyfriends. Roman immediately took a matching step away from Patton and towards Virgil, taking Virgil’s hands – that had sparkly purple nail polish on each of the nails, done by Patton – in his own and squeezing them gently.

“I think you’ve used that one before,” Virgil said, letting Roman take his hands without complaint.

“I was too distracted by your beauty to come up with a new one.”

Patton giggled. “You two are adorable.”

“I know,” Roman smiled. “But both of you, my dearests, are even more adorable.”

“Pat’s cute,” Virgil said. “But me, adorable? You’ve got the wrong guy.”

“Hey,” Patton said. “No self-deprecation allowed.”

“It’s not self-deprecation if it’s true,” Virgil said.

“It’s not self-deprecation,” Roman agreed, before grinning at Virgil. “It’s denial.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me, emo.”

Patton raised his hands, tutting. “Hey, now, stop bickering!”

“It’s flirting,” Roman and Virgil said in unison.

“Well, I suppose I can allow that,” Patton teased. Then, he looked around them and his brow furrowed. “Where’s Logan? He usually comes down to greet Roman when he comes home, too.”

Virgil shrugged. “Probably still working. I doubt he’s even noticed Roman’s home. You know how he is.”

��Then I suppose that I must go make sure our dearest nerd isn’t overworking himself!” Roman announced. He took a step in the direction of the staircase, before he paused. “Oh, and Patton, darling, when will dinner be?”

“Just an hour. It’s spaghetti, your favourite!”

“I cannot wait,” Roman smiled, leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to Patton’s cheek, before doing the same with Virgil. “Oh, I’m so excited!” He blurted out, his smile turning into a full-blown grin.

“For pasta?” Virgil asked. “I mean, I know Pat’s cooking is good, but you’re not usually this excited.”

Roman knew that he couldn’t give away his exact plans for dinner tonight: the proposals had to be a surprise, and he certainly didn’t want to ruin that. But... perhaps he could hint at it a little bit, just so his loves could be excited about it.

He flashed them a grin. “You’ll see,” he said, winking at the end of the words.

“Aww, are you surprising us? Are you sure you can’t tell us, honey?” Patton asked.

“Nope!”

“Just a little hint?”

“Nuh-uh!” Roman grinned. “Not even a little one.”

Virgil gave Roman a suspicious look. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

Roman took Virgil’s hand in his own and squeezed it. “You’ll love this one, I promise, my love.” Then he pressed a kiss to the back of Virgil’s hand, before he released it. “Now, I’m going to go visit our darling Logan, and make sure he’s taking care of himself.”

He turned and left up the stairs, humming to himself as he did so: ‘Do you wanna build a snowman’, to be specific. When he reached the top of the staircase, he immediately headed over to the door of the study and knocked loudly, in time with the song he was humming.

After a moment, he got a response.  

“Come in,” Logan said.

Roman smiled and pushed the door open. He was immediately greeted by the sight of Logan coughing into a tissue and then dropping it into a bin – onto a pile of other used tissues – before he straightened up and turned to look at Roman, pushing the small bin under the desk with his foot.

“Apologies, Roman, but I have work to do,” he said, turning back to his computer and placing his hands back onto the keyboard.

"No ‘dear’ or ‘darling’?” Roman asked, his tone a little teasing. “Just ‘Roman’?”

“Apologies, darling,” Logan said.

The teasing expression fell from Roman’s face, and his brow furrowed as he took a step towards Logan. “Is everything alright, my love?”

“Yes,” Logan answered, just a little bit too quickly. “But I must get back to my work.”

Logan began to type again and Roman watched him for a moment, his eyes flicking between his boyfriend and the screen. Then, Roman walked over to him. He stopped behind the chair and draped his arms around Logan’s neck, placing his chin on his curly head of hair.

“Have you taken a break since the last time I saw you?” Roman asked.

“I do not need a break,” Logan said, not looking away from the screen. “I have to get this done.”

“You can finish this later, can’t you?”

“I need to get it done now.”

“Why?”

“I...” Logan hesitated for a moment. “I just need to.”

“Can’t you get it done later? Or tomorrow?”

Logan sighed. “Roman, you often work on your manuscripts for hours on end without pause.”

“And you always get me to take a break,” Roman argued. “So, now I’m doing the same for you, my dearest.” He paused. “Do I need to get Patton and Virgil to come persuade you, too?”

There was a pause, and then Logan sighed again. He removed his hands from his keyboard.

“No, you do not. I will take a break.”

“Good!” Roman said, pulling back just enough to clap his hands together victoriously.

Then, he moved his hands onto Logan’s shoulders. He squeezed them once, before spinning Logan and the chair around so he was facing him. Roman smiled at Logan, and then leant down to press a warm, gentle kiss to the centre of Logan’s forehead.

“I love you,” Roman said fondly.

After a moment, Logan responded with: “I love you, too.”

***

Dinner was wonderful, as it always was when Patton cooked it, and as it went on, Roman grew more and more and more excited, so much so that his boyfriends clearly noticed it. Patton asked a few times, though it was clear that Roman wasn’t going to answer. And though Logan didn’t address it, it was obvious that both he and Virgil had noticed it, too.

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on, honey?” Patton asked, his voice a little teasing. “Or are we gonna have to guess? You’re gonna vibrate right out of your chair at this rate.”

Roman opened his mouth to respond, but then shut it again with the click of his teeth. He took a moment to think, as his boyfriends watched him consider Patton’s question.

Dinner was almost over. He and Patton and Virgil had eaten everything on their plates, and though Logan had not, he had said that he was not hungry, so he likely wasn’t going to eat much more.

Roman opened his mouth again, but all that bubbled up was excited laughter.

“Wow, I cannot believe I am doing this, finally.” He got up from the table, his hands returning to his jacket’s pockets: one held two rings – Patton and Virgil’s – and the other holding Logan’s. He fiddled with them with his hands, but decided not to take them out just yet.

He had a speech planned first: words he needed to say before the final question was asked.

“Doing what?” Virgil asked.

Instead of answering, Roman said: “I love you. I love all of you, so so much. My love for you is unimaginably infinite, like ever-expanding space. I have loved you all since the moment I first laid eyes on you, back in high school when we were oh-so young and innocent: just teenagers who had no idea what our futures would become, no idea that our love for each other would develop into something infinite and... wonderful.”

Patton looked touched, his hand over his chest, his expression so full of love and adoration that Roman would have kissed him if he hadn’t been so excited for this proposal.

Virgil also looked touched, though there was also surprise in his wide-eyed expression, like he could see where this was going, but didn’t know if he could believe it.

Logan looked startled and his body was tense.

“You are all so wonderful,” Roman continued. “Patton, you are the kindest man I have ever met, so sweet to everyone around you, so wonderful. Virgil, you are loyal and protective, I can count on you in any situation, and you are so kind in your own way, even if many can’t see it. And Logan, you are intelligent and spectacular, I could talk to you for hours on end without getting bored. You are all the loves of my life, and I wish to be with you all for an eternity.”

Roman got down on one knee, and it was like everyone else in the room stopped breathing.

Then, finally, he took the three boxes out of his pockets and placed them on the table. He opened them up, exposing the three shiny rings he’d bought, and turned them so they were each facing the boyfriend they were for.

Patton gasped loudly, his hands flying up to cover his mouth.

“Oh,” Virgil said, his voice coming out strangled. “This is the surprise.”

“Oh,” Logan echoed, in a quieter, equally strangled voice.

“Will you marry me, my loves?”  

“Oh my gosh, yes!” Patton squealed.  

He leapt over to Roman and threw his arms around him. Roman caught him immediately, wrapping his arms around Patton’s waist. He stood up, lifting Patton and spinning around excitedly, a laugh bubbling up from his throat and filling the air with its delighted noise.

“Uh, yeah... uh, seconded,” Virgil answered as well. “I- I will marry you.”

Roman grinned at him over Patton’s shoulder as he set him down. He then removed one of his arms from around Patton and reached towards Virgil with his hand. Virgil immediately took that hand and squeezed it.

Roman then turned to Logan, a big, expectant grin on his face. It fell from its place when he saw the expression on Logan’s.

Logan was staring down at his hands which lay on the table. They were shaking.

“My darling?” Roman asked. “Is everything alright?”

“I- I-” Logan began, though he could not find the words.

Both Patton and Virgil turned to him, too.

“Logan, honey?” Patton asked, concerned.

Logan suddenly pushed his chair and himself away from the table and stood up.

“I cannot do this, I’m sorry.”

Roman fully let go of Patton, releasing Virgil’s hand and taking a step in Logan’s direction.

His heart felt like it was breaking into pieces in his chest, and though he tried to hide it, it certainly showed on his face. Logan spared a single glance at the devastated expression, before his gaze returned to stare down at the floor.

“My- my apologies, my love,” Roman said in as calm a voice as he could manage, thought it wobbled slightly. “Is this too soon? We don’t have to get married yet, or- or ever, if you do not wish to.” He swallowed. “Please, tell me what is wrong.”

Logan sighed. “I meant that I cannot do this in general, not just about the marriage proposal.”

“In general?” Virgil asked. “What do you mean?”

“I cannot marry you,” Logan said. After a moment of deafening silence, he continued with: “And I cannot continue to be with you, either.”

The silence after that felt like a heavy, weighted blanket had just dropped onto the four of them, suffocating them and filling the room with a thick tension. Logan couldn’t even look at Patton, Virgil and Roman, though he could tell exactly what kind of expressions were on their faces.

The need to cough rose in his throat, but he ignored it. Not here.

He took a step back. “I need to go,” Logan said.

He turned, taking another step in the direction of the door, but Virgil caught his wrist.

“You can’t just leave like this!” He said. “What’s going on?”

“This was always going to be temporary,” Logan snapped, finally meeting Virgil’s eyes and forcing himself to glare into them. “I thought you knew that.”

“Temporary?” Patton exclaimed. “But- but we live together.”

Logan yanked his hand out of Virgil’s grip. An angry look appeared on Virgil’s face.

“Temporary?” He repeated. “That’s seriously all you think of us? Is this all our relationship means to you?”

“That’s all it meant to me,” Logan corrected. “It’s over now. I have to go. Goodbye.”

He then left the house as quickly as he could, both despising and feeling relieved by the fact that none of them tried to stop him from leaving.

Soon, he was out on the pavement, unsure of where to go next. Instead of waiting to figure out his destination, he just kept on walking. He went down the street, turned a corner, down another street and further away from his home until he was out of breath and starting coughing again.

The coughing came and came and he covered his mouth with his hand, almost falling over from the force of the coughs.

When he finally stopped coughing – doubled over in two and one strong wind away from falling to the ground – he pulled his hand away from his mouth and looked at it.

Red. It was stained bright red.

Logan straightened up, but did so too quickly and stumbled, almost falling to the ground.

He grabbed the corner of a building with the blood-stained hand, steadying himself. His vision blurred, though his glasses were still on his face, and his head began to ache.  

With his free hand he clutched at his head, and as everything began to fade into darkness, the last thing he thought was that he was glad he had gotten the chance to say goodbye.

Hopefully now they would not miss him.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.48

Lance couldn’t wait for the day to be over. Matt was as passionate about technology as Pidge was, Pidge was living on his sofa because she missed her brother. Work had sucked and he actually had to make an appearance in Platt thanks to a case, which he hadn’t told Keith about yet, and Keith was still feeling the effects of drinking milk.

Dinner had been loud, Rieva and Shay had hit off, Lance learning more about her during dinner than he’d learned the whole week before. Hunk and Shay kept making “lovey” eyes over the dinner table, and he hadn’t been able to do the same with Keith. Pidge had teased him gently about getting faking sick to get Lance into bed, Keith had laughed it off, but hell, he was only kind of human and he’d really missed having Keith around the house. Curtis had tried to fill in on the role of kitchen hand, but he really didn’t get along with technology so it was easier for Lance to just do everything himself. Matt had peed on his death soil, while as a wolf, and Lance had felt he seriously deserved some major Keith time after cleaning that up. He hadn’t spent three months making it just for Matt to decide it smelt funny and needed his scent instead. Yeah. He was bummed that Keith wasn’t feeling well when he’d turned up, but he had scored pretty much a whole day of relaxing in bed as boyfriend slept it off. Keith couldn’t help that he was lactose intolerant, but of all the days he could have messed up, it really could have been the day that wasn’t coming over.

After dinner Pidge insisted on a games night... Lance just wanted to cuddle with Keith and pretend they weren’t keeping their relationship on the down-low, but Pidge wanted Keith to spend time with them before he left again... Keith was towed away by Pidge to the living room, Hunk and Shay staying to help with the dishes. He still proud as hell that Hunk had snagged Shay, and loved having Shay over. She came with great customer service stories, and was just so likeable that he’d wished he’d cornered Hunk into asking her out sooner. Yet he totally felt like the third wheel. At least when it was him, Curtis, Matt, and Rieva, he and Curtis both had each other to hang with. He’d gotten Curtis into teen rom-coms, the exhunter soon as invested in them as he was. And there was the fact Curtis had started to loosen up. He still pointed out things he didn’t need to, but things were moving more towards friendship rather than babysitting.

Pidge’s game night consisted of breaking up into three teams. Her, Shay and Rieva. Shiro, Hunk and Curtis . Him, Keith and Matt. Hooking her tablet up to the TV the first game was Pictionary, where they all failed miserably at using the stylus to draw. After five rounds, Pidge’s group claimed victory, which she was well and truly smug over. It totally wasn’t his fault that Keith and Matt were as hopeless as he was when it came to art. In his mind he knew everything he needed to do, but that didn’t translate to his drawings. Adding alcohol to the mix, they moved onto charades. Lance liked to think he was a pretty good actor, but somehow that was taken out by Shiro’s team, who’d definitely had found favouritism somewhere along the line as their prompts were much easier than everyone else’s. When Pidge got mischievous and suggested strip poker, Matt firmly noped out of that. Pidge instead setting up JackBox.

It was well after midnight before they headed up to bed. Keith acting nervous again. Sending his boyfriend to the bathroom to change, Lance changed into pyjamas before climbing into bed to wait for him. His anger loaf had loosened up, his competitive side showing that he didn’t take losing well. Spending the night with Keith and having fun was something he’d missed. Even when all they were doing was watching some lame movie, it was different when Keith was there. He’d never felt as pathetic as he did over the way he missed Keith in his adult life. Still, he was kind of proud that Keith seemed to be adjusting to living alone with Shiro again. Their apartment looked pretty nice, and Keith had sent him a photo of his bed with his new duvet cover. His boyfriend hadn’t been able to find a red one, so instead he had a black duvet cover with red pillow slips. It was very Keith, and only made him miss him more. Well aware of how pathetic he was acting, Lance tried not to snatch up his phone each time he got a new message from Keith. Trying to play it cool, while wanting to reply straight away. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said he planned to tell Keith he’d gone into heat, he’d planned on telling him... just not that it’d happened more than once.

Lance was mortified the second time it happened. Matt and Rieva releasing pheromones before they’d gone to bed. Half an hour later the whole house was filled with the sounds of sex, leaving him feeling like a pervert as his body reacted. He’d washed and changed his sheets, yet Keith’s scent hung in the air, his body missing the way his boyfriend held him. He still found himself turning to say something to Keith only for him not to be there more than once. He couldn’t see why Keith was ashamed of being lactose intolerant, when being in a heat was far more shameful. He could only chalk it down to something happened, someone had said something and he hadn’t gotten over it.

Coming back into his room, Lance’s sweats he’d offered as pyjamas were too short for his boyfriend. The shirt a little tight, Lance blushing hard as Keith pointedly didn’t look at him

“Don’t say it”

“Nothing to say”

Nothing to say about the way Keith’s snail trail and hips were showing... There was something sexier about Keith in his clothes. He’d seen him naked and fuck... he had no words for that, but there was kind of an air of mystery when he was wearing clothes

“This is ridiculous”

What was ridiculous was how hot Keith was, even when he was sick

“Get into bed already”

“I can’t sleep like this”

“Then strip off... or at least take the shirt off”

Keith huffed as he did, and damn was Lance’s blood supply fast heading south. Being that grizzled and chiselled should have been illegal. Lance wasn’t in the mood to be fooling around with his boyfriend, not when Keith was ill, but damn if he didn’t want to touch him. Stifling down a groan, he knew if he continued on this train of thought, his stupid heat would pop its head up. Today was about Keith recovering, not him being a horny idiot with no filter on his mouth. He preferred the intimacy of cuddling, because at least then he had some experience in that area.

Climbing into bed with near him, Keith turned his back towards him. Lance didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been mocking Keith. He’d just given him the first pair of clothes that he’d grabbed out his closet. Keith had been fine with cuddling him before, so why not now? Maybe he liked his own bed better and was regretting staying the night? Hunk and Shay had left. Pidge was downstairs becoming one with the sofa. Curtis was sharing a room with Shiro. Everyone was paying attention to everything other than them... so was Keith... being self conscious or had he said something and upset him without meaning too? He couldn’t think of anything he’d said wrong. Maybe Keith just didn’t want to spend the night next to him? That thought hurt. He was doing his best to get his life back on schedule around missing Keith. Crying wasn’t going to change the fact that Keith had his own job, which Lance wanted him to prioritise. Why was there this weird difference between them now? Rolling away from Keith, Lance pushed his face in his pillow. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t know why he was making a big deal out of this. Keith probably still felt sick and didn’t want to cuddle because of it.

Laying in this awkward silence, Lance sniffled took loudly, drawing Keith’s attention to the fact he was crying. Feeling Keith move up behind him, his boyfriend slipped his arm around his waist. Lance hated that it took crying to draw his boyfriend’s attention, and he hated that he liked Keith cuddling him. He’d tried to downplay his concern over his boyfriend’s health because he really didn’t want Keith feeling self conscious. He wanted Keith to be able to relax when he came home... when he came back to Lance’s house.

“Hey, what is it?”

Keith asking made him feel infinitely worse

“It’s nothing”

“It’s not nothing”

“It is. Just tired. Long day and all. You better get to sleep”

Now he was brushing him off... why was he being so lame?

“Lance, talk to me”

“We’re talking”

“You’re crying”

“It doesn’t matter”

“Yes it does”

Why did Keith had enough to be so Keith like?

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because you didn’t want to... I might just sleep downstairs tonight”

“What the hell? Where’s that coming from?”

“I just thought you might be happier up here alone”

“What the fuck?!”

Now Keith was mad at him. He didn’t know what he kept doing wrong. Keith made him forget how to think straight

“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I’ll go”

Taking Keith’s arm off him, Lance slid from the covers

“Lance!”

“I’m sorry”

Yeah. He was being a coward. They’d had fun as a group and now it felt like he didn’t know what to say and do to keep that mood between them. Grabbing up his robe, Lance fled from the room. Rushing down the hall and nearly falling down the stairs in his rush to hide his shameful side from Keith.

He would have fallen down the stairs if he hadn’t run smack into Shiro. The hunter letting out a grunt of surprise, as Lance quickly bounced back then moved to keep fleeing down the stairs

“Lance?”

Why was he being like this? Keith was leaving again tomorrow. Things had to stay good and normal until then...

As he reached his office, the first cramp hit. His stupid heat hitting as his head began to swim. It didn’t explain his less than stellar behaviour, but it’d definitely come on because of it. Shutting the door behind him, Lance locked it. All this thanks to Keith wanting to sleep on his side of the bed was pathetic. He was overreacting big time. He didn’t want to be like this with Keith. He needed to apologise to him.

“Lance, it’s Shiro, can we talk?”

Now wasn’t the time. The only person he should be talking to is Keith. He should be fucking begging him to forgive him... or fuck him. No. That was the heat. He didn’t deserve Keith forgiving him

“Now isn’t good!”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just vampire things!”

“If you’re in heat...”

What? He’d send Keith down to satisfy that burning desire bubbling inside of him?

“I’m staying in here!”

“Okay... okay, but if you need help...”

Oh god. No. He didn’t just want anyone. He wanted Keith. Shiro might be all tall and handsome, but he wasn’t Keith. He wasn’t the one he wanted to bend him over his desk and make him scream

“Shiro, now isn’t a great time! Thanks for concern”

“Okay... I guess I’ll see you in the morning”

“Yep, sure thing buddy. Sleep tight”

Lance flinched at his own lameness. Shiro would go straight to Keith. Keith would tell him he’d been a giant dick about things. Keith would be upset that he didn’t trust him enough to tell him. Falling in love wasn’t perfection. It wasn’t like in the movie. A kiss wasn’t an apology. A million roses wouldn’t be enough of an apology for what he’d done. His Mami had been so happy for them, but the truth was that Keith was in love with a monster... he was a monster who’d hurt Keith.

*

Keith had no idea what had happened. Lance hadn’t curled up around him. That was what his boyfriend usually did. He preferred holding Lance, but Lance liked holding him... and now Lance was crying and he didn’t know why.

Trying to stay away, Keith couldn’t. Lance obviously had something on his mind. But he preferred to clam up instead of talking to him. Sure, Keith was embarrassed. Lance’s clothes had been way too small. For a moment he’d wondered if it’d been a dig at him, until he told himself that Lance wasn’t like that. Maybe Lance thought he still felt sick? He did, but he’d thought they’d had fun... Kind of? Matt was a dumb smart person... and Lance had zero luck at drawing... Then they’d headed upstairs and Lance got weird... and he got weird. He’d slept all day and now they were going to bed again... That was a little weird? Or was he making too much out of it?

Heading out of Lance’s room, Keith shivered. He should have brought a blanket along, the house was bloody freezing. Tucking his hands under his armpits, he kept his steps light, not wanting to run into Shiro. Having zero luck, he ran into him on the bottom step of the stairs

“Fu-... Keith? Don’t do that”

Shiro clutched his chest. The old man was showing his age. Did people just not go to bed and stay in bed?

“What are you doing up?!”

“I was trying to go bed, then I ran into Lance”

“How was he?”

Shiro had seen Lance? He should have gone after him

“Crying. Did something happen?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I came down to ask”

“He’s locked himself in his office. You’re going to have to wait until morning, I think he’s in heat”

Keith shook his head. There wasn’t any scent when he’d l

“He wasn’t in heat when he left. Did you hear anything?”

“Only him trying to cover his crying. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah. I’ll talk to him. You head up to bed”

“You’ll be alright with him?”

Keith snorted, hoping to cover his nerves

“You left me with him all afternoon. I’ll be fine”

“If anything happens, get Matt”

“Yeah, yeah. Go to bed already”

“If he doesn’t want to talk, don’t push it tonight. We’re not leaving until the afternoon”

That was change in plans, but a welcome one. Keith assumed it was to do with the fact Shiro and Curtis had time to talk alone. Whatever, he had his own relationship to think of.

Knocking on Lance’s office door, Keith then pressed his ear against the wood. He could hear Lance crying

“Go away, Shiro. We’ll talk tomorrow”

“Wrong brother. Lance, open the door”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

“No. I want to know why you apologised to me and why you wouldn’t stay and talk”

“Keith, not right now...”

“If I did something...”

“It wasn’t you. It was me... I’m sorry. I thought... I thought I made you mad... I’m sorry”

This was getting nowhere

“Just open the damn door”

The lock on the door clicked, Keith quick to grab the handle and turn before Lance could change his mind. Opening the door, his boyfriend’s scent smacked him, Keith barely had time to process before he had his arms full of a crying Lance

“I’m sorry. I was horrible and I’m sorry and I’m sorry... thought you were mad at me and I couldn’t work out what I did... and... I really want you to want me still, but I’m a monster who hurt you because you didn’t hug me when you got into bed”

Lance’s explanation came out in a panted mess. Keith kind of shocked that the action had reduced Lance to tears, and upset Lance was calling himself a monster again

“You usually like holding me... Hey, no. No more tears, it was a misunderstanding”

“I thought you must regret coming here because I can’t even hold your hand. I can’t kiss you... and...”

Pidge was bound to hear Lance crying and his scent was pungent enough that Matt and Rieva could smell it

“Come back up to bed with me”

“I can’t... I’m barely controlling myself as it is. Right now all I can think about is having you beneath me. I don’t want to rush things”

There was no pressure to rush, provided that didn’t include the rush of blood southwards in Lance’s tight sweats

“Hold onto me”

Lance was confused as Keith lifted him up. The vampire’s teeth scraping against his neck as Lance shook in his arms. They’d had a misunderstanding and Lance had stressed himself into this. This wouldn’t do.

Keith struggled up the stairs, but was determined to prove his point. By the time he got Lance back to his room he’d worked up a sweat. Getting Lance on the bed, Lance turned away from him as he gripped the blankets beneath him. He’d spend all night wanting to touch him. To kiss him. Hunk and Shay could be open and in love. They were taking it slow and without the complications but it was hard not to let it show. Keith hadn’t very social, taking a while to warm up to everyone during dinner, then they’d had a games a night and he still hadn’t been able to touch Lance. Now he finally had him alone again, he wasn’t sure what to do with him. Lance was in heat and Keith’s self control was slipping.

Pulling Lance onto his back, his boyfriend stared up at him with hooded glassy eyes

“I’m going to kiss you now”

Climbing between Lance’s long legs, he pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. Keith had been dying to do that all damn day. One kiss turned to another with ease, Lance’s teeth scraping his lip as his boyfriend rocked against them, the pair making out like the inexperienced idiots they were. Grinding against Lance felt more than good, it was like all the confusing stuff had been chucked out the window and it was just the two of them again. This wasn’t how their first time would go. Keith wanted that to be special, and not in a house full of their sleeping friends. Breaking the kiss, he kissed his way down to Lance’s Adam’s apple, nipping lightly at the smooth flesh. Moaning, Lance rocked his hips harder, clothes now in the way of him touching his boyfriend

“Shirt... off”

Lance moved to obliged, Keith eager to see him beneath the light of the bedside lamp. He loved Lance’s reactions. Loved his little gasps and moans. Everything was amped thanks to his heat, and he smelt incredible.

Lance grew shyer with his shirt off, Keith’s hands sliding across his torso

“What do you want, babe?”

“Babe” had slipped out, Lance was being extra careful with his teeth, normally he’d be biting his lip

“You...”

“How”

“I want you... I don’t care... just mess me up inside”

Keith felt himself smirk, Lance’s legs were still wrapped around him. Thrusting against his boyfriend’s grinding hips, Lance fisted the blankets beneath him as he moaned

“Is that what you want? Me to pin you down and make you come?”

Lance nodded quickly, eyes scrunched tightly closed as he fought to control himself. Keith didn’t know where his burst of confidence had come from... They couldn’t have sex... but there were other ways to have sex

“I want you to get your hands and knees for me. Put your hands on the bed head”

“K-Keith?”

“Let me touch you. I promise I won’t cross that line”

Lance got on his hands and knees as Keith asked. Settling himself behind his boyfriend, Keith pulled Lance’s pyjama bottoms and underwear down, before freeing his erection. He wasn’t sure how the mechanic were going to work, only that he had a vague idea

“Okay, sit back against me”

Lance did as he was told, wetness smearing across Keith’s dick as his boyfriend sat back. With a little manoeuvring, Keith slipped his dick between his boyfriend’s thighs, rolling his hips experimentally

“Fuuu...”

“Keep your thighs together for me”

Lance sitting for him wasn’t working the way he wanted. Moving to kneeling, it made it easier for Keith to slide between Lance’s legs, his boyfriend wet enough that he didn’t need lube. He may or may not have seen this in porn, and may have some reservations until Lance started moving, matching every thrust as he panted. Holding his boyfriend against him, when Lance turned for a kiss, Keith was quick to kiss back, drunk on that sweet smell and being with a man who truly cared for him. Broken kisses fell between the sharp hitching in Lance’s breathing, moving his hand, Keith gripped Lance’s erection lightly enough not to take control, but loosely enough that his boyfriend was fucking his fist. Shuddering, Lance came with a garbled kind of whimpering moan. Keith continuing until his own orgasm hit. Riding the waves of bliss, he pulled Lance down to sit in his lap as he came between his thighs. Moving from kissing, Keith nuzzled into Lance’s cheek, panting as his body shook

“Fuck... babe...”

Staying like that until they’d recovered, Keith pressed kisses to Lance’s cheek

“You okay?”

“I don’t know”

It was an honest answer. They’d both gotten into it and maybe a little carried. It wasn’t penetrative sex, but it was still sex

“Was that too much?”

Keith went into panic mode as Lance sniffled. Ignoring the mess and his pants around his knees, he pulled his boyfriend back so they were both sitting semi-properly

“Lance, talk to me?”

“My heat...”

He sounded so guilty

“It’s okay”

“It’s not... you’re sick...”

“Not as sick as I was”

“I... I was so mean to you”

“You weren’t”

“I was. I was horrible to you and you... I wanted to take care of you but... I got all worked up and acted so rude. I just wanted to cuddle”

Keith’s heart fell

“You didn’t want to do this?”

“I want to be able to do with you without my heat”

“Lance, it’s okay”

“It’s not... I feel like I’m going crazy. I miss you so much. I keep going to talk to you and you’re not there and I wanted to have a normal night but my body can’t even settle down... I really like you. I like you so much”

Could Lance be any nicer?

“I’ve missed you too. I’m so angry at myself for wasting our time together sleeping. I was looking forward to today. Then I got sick, and you got your heat... but you know, we did look after each other. And it’s kind of natural that I want to touch my boyfriend”

Lance’s scent had lessened since coming, but was still there. He knew his boyfriend’s stomach had to hurt with craps similar to his earlier ones

“I just... want to be normal with you”

“I think normal went out the window a long time ago. Have you met our friends?”

Lance snorted wetly as he nodded

“Yeah... yeah. I’m sorry. I think my ego was sad you didn’t cuddle me”

“I wanted to. All night I wanted to”

“Me too. Can... can we clean up and cuddle?”

Lance definitely felt nice in his hold, he might just have to fight his boyfriend for the right to be the big spoon. Kissing Lance’s shoulder, Keith then nodded

“That sounds good to me”

[cassiebunny9]

‘Hold Your Breath’ MC x Drake fanfiction first timer

Ok, so I'm probably a bit too old to have got sucked into the CHOICES world the way I have, but yet, here I am. In the Real world, there's a lot of external pressures and it provides a much needed bout of escapism. BUT....I'm hooked, and its made me want to write. So here is my first ever fan fiction, set the night of the Beaumont bash. I started it after feeling incredibly underwhelmed at the lack of Drake action in the chapter. Drake is my LI of choice. Please be kind, there's probably plenty of clumsy moments and far too much internal monologue but I wanted to give it a go.

Rating: there's a swear word or two?? sorry new to this My MC's name is Riley Tanner

******************************************************************************************* Hold Your Breath Drake She went, I can't actually believe she went. Almost straight after 'Truth or Dare', she snuck out to meet Liam. Since the Tariq situation, I've made sure my room is always next door, even without Liam's insistence. I heard her leave. I knew Liam was planning it, he asked me to help him set up, choose massage oils, place candles, he wanted to 'seduce Riley's senses'. I didn't think she would go. Its killing me, I close my eyes and I am mentally assaulted by images of him rubbing the oils I chose into Riley's shoulders, making his way further and further down her back, causing goose bumps to erupt on her smooth curves, barely stopping at the towel covering her, if they used a towel, if he stops. I snap my eyes open, and take a hearty gulp of the whisky in my hand, neither action wiping the scene my mind helpfully created to torment me with. Part of me wants to hurl the glass at the wall, throw a tantrum, curse my luck that once again my own feelings are unheard amongst Liam's. I think I could handle it if we hadn't had that kiss in the Beaumont study last night, Liam is the Prince and I expected her to choose him, I didn't even think I was on her radar like that. But she said she wanted me, and in that moment I couldn't have walked away even if I wanted to, just a taste, a small slice of happiness, just make believe. He's probably kissing her now, soft at first, ever the gentleman Liam, hesitant, seeking her approval. Her hands clasping his neck, just the same as they were wrapped round mine just over 24 hours ago. I stand up, begin pacing, unsure of why I'm continuing to torture myself, internally replaying every touch and all our whispered words in the times we've shared. I didn't think she would go… Riley I didn't want to go, I should not have gone. Liam and I walk down the hall, towards my room and I feel physically ill. Every touch, every caress we've just shared feels tainted. I heard myself making the right noises, and I felt my body respond to his, arching and needing, but in my head it wasn't Liam kissing me, touching, longing for me, it was Drake. I gave Drake every opportunity to talk to me tonight. Look at me even.  I waited, I willed him to say something, anything at all after last night. Nothing, nada. Then we decided to play 'Truth or Dare'. I chose Truth, I wanted you Drake, you, on that desert Island with me. You hurt me with your nonchalance, apparently unaffected by me, my words or my presence. Deep down I know he's never going to be mine, he'll never choose me over Liam, and in a way I don't want him to. I don’t want to be the reason their friendship dies, and Drake is right about one thing, Liam is surrounded by manipulation and false smiles. So I went to the spa, initially hoping for some form of friendly distraction, yet allowing myself to be swept up in the ideals of Prince Liam. He's so kind, romantic and everything your stupid head is supposed to want and I couldn't hate myself more for 'acting the part'. I used Liam, just like everyone else in this country. To forget you Drake, to erase your touch, the scars your kisses burnt into my memory, rehashing them over and over, wishing I'd pushed you harder in the study, not caring what state of undress we may have been found in. stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm suddenly aware that we've reached my room and I kiss Liam goodbye, not really knowing who is saying what at this point, just doing what needs to be done to escape, pulling myself out of the memories of the feelings Drake's touch evoked. I yearn to finally loathe myself in peace. I close the door, and find the whiskey bottle and glasses, hating even now that we share this same need. I pour a generous measure and knock it back in one go, enjoying the burn, hating the release of memories attached to the taste, baby deer, shooting stars, hard stolen kisses. Pain, self loathing, rejection. I hurl the bottle at the wall with a snarl of frustration, hoping the noise I've made is enough to drown the thoughts that keep blazing in my mind, a fire nothing seems to put out. I relish in the smashed amber liquid running down the wall, hoping its his favourite, and despising that I think of him yet again. Drake I'm lurking by the door like some deranged stalker, straining to hear more than just the faint murmur of Riley and Liam's voices approaching. What is wrong with me? He is the right choice for her, the only choice. go to bed. I can't. I'm paralyzed. Hearing the unmistakable silence that precedes a kiss, followed by a soft thump indicating bodies hitting a wall in passion, and I let out an involuntary croak, not wanting to be heard but wishing I would be. It's over and I hear her door close. I slide down my wall, forcing myself to breathe normally and unclench my fists. SMASH. The noise of breaking glass, and accompanying growl sends me flying out my door and through hers before I even process what's happening. I stop dead, she has whirled round, eyes alight with anger, cheeks flushed. 'Get the fuck out of my room, NOW!!!!' I've never heard her swear before, and I kind of like it, she's been so poised since she arrived, the epitome of classy. 'I heard a noise' I counter weakly. She sneers, and I step back as she turns her back to me. 'That’s because I threw a bottle of whiskey at the wall, now leave' The fight seeps out of her as I physically see her body sag before throwing herself face down on the bed with another strange animalistic sound, this one muffled slightly by the bedding. If I hadn't just heard what was clearly a make out session between her and Liam, it may have stirred something deeper in me, but my mind was still aware that her lips had just left his. 'What a waste of perfectly good whisky Tanner, why would you do that?' I try to inject humour, even though I am so irrationally mad and crushed that her affections have moved on so quickly after the events of last night. 'Talk to me Riley, please' I beg. Riley I'm lying facedown in my bedding, no the castle's bedding, completely furious and mortified with myself for showing him the extent of my troubled mind. Knowing my behaviour this evening with Liam has messed up everything, far more than it was before. I didn't even think that was possible. So not only did Drake not care enough to even fight for 'us', but I'd inadvertently  found myself closer to Liam, someone who I cared for, but couldn't love, not like Drake. I push upwards, resting on my elbows, facing him once again. 'Talk? You want to talk now? Ok, I'll talk. I kissed Liam tonight, in a spa, while he massaged me'. I rush the words out, not sugar coating or lingering on details, I want to see if his face betrays even a hint of emotion but the tears are already here and I face plant again, my entire body shuddering with the intensity of the emotion currently coursing through me. 'I know' He knew??? Was this a game. Was I a plaything they were agreeing to pass around, 'easy Riley'? I turn again, seeking his gaze. 'Do you not care at all?' His face is impassive. 'Riley, you're here for Liam, you're his suitor'. His eyes sweep down until he is staring at the floor. He's made no moves to approach me. 'Did last night mean nothing to you Drake? I've waited all night for you to say something. To tell me it was a mistake? To tell me you meant every word? To pull me aside and say anything' I've involuntarily approached him, my body gravitating to his presence, and I ache to pull his jaw up, forcing his eyes to meet mine. I don't. The sting that I felt at knowing he was in on Liam's master seduction plan was strong, reminding my body and mind to step away from the games I'd apparently inadvertedly begun playing too. Finally, he lifts his eyes and meets my stare. 'Of course it did Tanner'. In that instance, I hold my breath, knowing that in this small moment in between, that sentence holds so much possibility, and that the second I draw breath again, the realities of tomorrow will come crashing back.

[signaturesoundsradio-blog]

2019’s Top Rap Albums, according to Capital K

10: Skyzoo & Pete Rock – Retropolitan

Very few dudes out there are rapping like Skyzoo is. He’s been dropping impeccable verses for years, running with legendary crews like Duck Down and Jamla records across his fifteen year career. Zoo has proven himself time and again as a dedicated wordsmith with his carefully crafted songs and projects, but for the first time in a long time we get a clear, concise album from him that is not bogged down by an extensive concept. Instead, Retropolitan is simply an homage to the streets of the Big Apple, told from two men who have watched the city and its culture lose some of their once seemingly indelible essence. Pete Rock brings the type of New York production that has been in season for almost three decades, and with Skyzoo it still feels fresh. Though the NY rap scene remains firmly in the ‘90s, what with old groups making repetitive returns and most new rappers unable to carve out any semblance of originality, the occasional retro album truly nails it, even in 2019. This is one of them.

9: Little Brother – May the Lord Watch

The return that very few people saw coming, May the Lord Watch is a short project (only 10 of the album’s 15 tracks contain beats and rhymes), but it easily silences any questions as to whether Rapper Big Pooh and Phonte might have lost a step since putting out two certified classics in the early 2000s. Picking up right where Phonte’s 2018 No News Is Good News left off, May the Lord Watch finds the two rappers comfortably claiming their place as kings in the ‘Grown Man Rap’ movement. They effortlessly trade bars as they craft narrative of nights in (“Sittin’ Alone”), the married life (“Goodmorning Sunshine”), and thankfulness for the blessings of God (“Work Through Me”). Without an ounce of bitterness, the men sketch their pleasures and pains across Little Brother’s tried-and-true canvas of radio skits and interludes (UBN – U Black N****s – network remains as funny as ever, situating everything the group does squarely in its context of blackness). Notably, the album features no production from original Little Brother member Ninth Wonder, but the rappers feel right at home over the lush, sample-heavy beats which maintain the aesthetic sensibilities of the group’s early classics.

8: Wiki – Oofie

Oofie finds New York rapper Wiki in a much more subdued place than his 2017 solo debut album No Mountains in Manhattan. It’s a definite change of pace from a man who went through plenty of transitions in the past two years, including the breakup of his super-group Secret Circle and a move to his own label Wikiset (under which Oofie was released). On this offering Wiki maintains his dedication to personal, biographic bars, though Oofie is much more focused on Wiki the man than on Wiki’s hometown New York City. The production is more modern but not trendy, making a concerted effort to leave space for Wiki’s bars to shine through. He rhymes with more confidence than ever, a little slower and more sure of himself than the more fun-loving Wiki of 2017. Slower paced but not monotonous, Oofie will not disappoint those looking for well-crafted lines that are at once playful and somewhat melancholy.

7: L’Orange & Jeremiah Jae – Complicate Your Life with Violence

L’Orange made a name for himself as one of Mello Music Group’s earliest virtuosos, crafting beautifully cinematic, dusty records to fit his guest emcees. The pairings solidified his place as one of the underground’s premiere sample-based producers and made for some dark, brilliant albums. This project is no different, with Jeremiah Jae along for the ride as a crook-turned-soldier in a dystopian world of violence and darkness. While the scenes are not particularly gruesome or gory, their psychological tension draws the listener along like a thriller movie, and Jae’s vivid rhymes and unaffected tone make the chilling subject matter all the more enticing. The two artists are at the top of their games here, building an album interspersed with vintage film samples and some spectacular features to create an engrossing, consistent mood in a way that very few other albums did this year. Complicate Your Life with Violence places itself in 2019’s catalog as a bleak assessment of the violent, at times seemingly unforgivable, world in which we live. It’s an album that is both a product of today and a warning of tomorrow.

6: Add-2 – Jim Crow The Musical

Probably the most unknown artist on this list, Chicago rapper Add-2 released his powerful Jim Crow the Musical in the twilight of 2019 and immediately slid himself right into the discussion for the year’s top rap albums. An album that is equal parts pride and sorrow, full of both fear and resolve, Jim Crow is an earnest look at the way in which America’s unabashed history of racism has manifested itself in the way it treats its black citizens in the present day. The versatile range of sounds and moods mesh together into a cohesive narrative of life lived in a skin that Add-2 sees as “both a gift and a curse” (“Hashtag”), linked through skits about blackness that give the album it’s ‘Musical’ feel. As a rapper, Add-2 falls somewhere in between Kendrick Lamar and Open Mike Eagle, as comfortable in a driving, breathless flow (“Git Your Hand Out of My Pocket”) as he is in a more reserved and conversational one (“The Secret Life of Blacks”), and that’s just in the album’s first two proper songs. The man can flat out rap, and on top of that, Add-2 does his own beats. Though he (like almost any underground artist) will likely tell you that he’s been grinding away, releasing quality content all along, this album feels like a coming-out party of sorts for the rapper, and it’s worth a listen from any fan of music in general.

5: Danny Brown – uknowhatimsayin¿

When word got out that the legendary Q-Tip would be executive producing Danny Brown’s newest album, expectations were naturally high. Following Danny’s critically acclaimed raw and ambitious Atrocity Exhibition in 2016, fans were eager to see how Tip would be able to elevate Brown’s game to new places. However, instead of trying to top Atrocity with another conceptual masterpiece, the two sent in a collection of straight up good to great songs from a newly refined Danny (complete with a new front tooth), who replaced the wildness of his previous work with a veteran’s swagger and confidence. Focused more on masterful bars than shock value, uknowhatimsayin¿ sees Danny primarily sticking to his ‘Old album Side A’ voice, while covering topics ranging from sex on a laundry machine (“Laundry”) to navigating life as a black man in the racist American system (“Shine”). The album is a flex from a man who has already made his masterpiece and now feels content to provide us with high quality, if not necessarily ambitious, reminders that he’s still a top lyricist and song-writer.

4: Brother Ali – Secrets & Escapes

If you felt that maybe Brother Ali had hit a period of creative coasting over the last decade, you’re in good company: so did he. And to remedy this, Ali made an album with the legendary Evidence that made it an explicit goal to throw out any songs that sounded like an Ali (or Evidence) joint. The result is a collection of songs that find Brother Ali at his hungriest, solemnest, and, in a way, most refreshed. Produced entirely by Evidence (and featuring verses from Evidence, Talib Kweli, and Pharoahe Monch), Secrets & Escapes treads familiar topics for Ali: spirituality, his own inner demons and struggles, and societal ills, but in this album he’s less preacher than teacher, an elder with a lot on his mind. Ali’s is a calming presence for today’s frenetic, confused society and he easily shows us that he’s still got the bars he once did. For his part, Evidence has crafted a sonically diverse, jazzy palette with some beautiful samples and dusty drums. If you forgot that he produced Kanye’s “Last Call,” consider this a reminder of Evidence’s status as a premiere double threat. Highlights include “Father Figures,” “Secrets & Escapes,” and “They Shot Ricky.”

3: billy woods & Kenny Segal – Hiding Places

For those that missed it, billy woods truly killed the year 2019. A new solo album, an updated re-release of a capstone essential, a grab bag megamix of new, unreleased, and well-known songs, and this absolutely relentless collaboration with LA producer Kenny Segal comprised woods’ voluminous 2019 output. Hiding Places finds woods rhyming over a more, for lack of a better word, listenable range of beats than many of his recent endeavors, and it works perfectly. Segal’s off-kilter but somehow entirely smooth production gives woods a canvas for some of his most personal and cathartic moments. There are very few rappers who make connections in the way billy woods does, and a vignette about how no one in the hood gets their mail forwarded when they move quickly turns from being a quirky anecdote to a grim depiction of reality as we realize it’s because many people are being chased by a never-ending stream of debt collectors and predatory lenders. The project’s dark humor puts a band-aid over some of its tragic, bleak content, making it an album that grows with each listen. If you’ve heard woods’s name thrown around a lot but never knew where to start, try this album on for size.

2: Freddie Gibbs & Madlib – Bandana

Following up a surprise classic is always a challenge. Fans and critics are easy to please the first time but once you’ve set a high bar for yourself there’s no turning back. Knowing this, and never ones to be rushed, Freddie “Gangster” Gibbs and super-producer Madlib made the world wait a whole five years before following up their essential 2014 release Piñata with this year’s Bandana. It was worth the wait. Where Piñata found Madlib inhabiting Gibbs’s realm in a Blaxploitation-inspired story of thuggin’ and dealing, their second album evens the playing field a bit, and Freddie is forced to rap over beats that at times sound like they came straight out of the Beat Konducta series. He proves himself more than capable, rapping on an entirely new level while he easily switches flows to match Madlib’s eclectic energy. Freddie’s content has changed, too, as the years since Piñata saw him spend time in an Austrian jail, lose his uncle and good friend, and split up with his fiance. Much of Bandana was written in that jail, and he’s more reflective, pacing between regret and pride of his dirty deeds and dark past. It’s a classic in its own right, with more depth than most of Freddie’s past work and a seamless marriage between one of the best producers ever to touch an iPad (Madlib’s tool of choice for Bandana) and a rapper eager to put his own name in the Hall of Fame conversation.

1: Maxo – LIL BIG MAN

Maxo raps with a depression born of hopelessness and uncertainty. He’s a man with more questions than answers, and a slow, straightforward flow that brings us into his world with toughness and ease. His are the problems of an entire generation of young men: How can you justify working for $10 an hour when you could make thousands by robbing one house? How can you bring your friends along when you make it, and will they still be your friends by the time you get there? And, most importantly, will you make it to see your next birthday? Maxo raps effortlessly over smooth, low fidelity beats that stand out from most of the lo-fi subgenre through their lushness and clean mixing. Though generally somber, the album does have its upbeat moments (“Kinfolk” and “Headphones”) to break up the darkness, and a beautiful feature from Lojji on “No Love” that adds some ethereal beauty. Maxo is open about his weaknesses and insecurities, yet positive reinforcement comes in the form of a phone call from his grandma reminding him that, as bad is gets, there’s always a place for him at her home. While other albums this year may have exhibited more ambition or technical reach, Maxo’s LIL BIG MAN stands out as one of 2019’s most listenable and emotional, a project with stunning production that bumps in the whip yet powerful lyrics that will hold your attention on the weakest of earbuds.

Honorable Mentions

Atmosphere – Whenever

Probably the best the group has sounded since 2010’s To All My Friends.

Blockhead – Free Sweatpants

Equal parts instrumental album and who’s who of Blockhead’s extensive circle of rap friends.

Damani Nkosi & iLL Camille – Harriett

A jazzy collaboration focused on black freedom and hope by two incredibly gifted emcees.

Medhane – Own Pace

A lo-fi album in the vein of Earl Sweatshirt’s Some Rap Songs but with more clarity and optimism.

People Under the Stairs – Sincerely, The P

The last album from the legendary west coast group, Sincerely, The P is nostalgic and celebratory.

Quelle Chris – Guns

An album that examines the way in which fear, race, and firearms are used to brutalize communities.

Rapsody – Eve

An epic tour de force, Eve is an homage to black women that have influenced the artist and the world.

Albums I didn’t get around to that sound like they might have made this list

Boogie – Everything’s For Sale

Grip – Snubnose

And that’s it. All in all, 2019 was not a bad year for rap. Stick around next year for more reviews and lists from the squad here at Signature Sounds. May 2020 bring you happiness and success. Love & Respect.

- Capital K