#so sorry for the seemingly endless rant in the tags

[chickensauras]

Ok listen. I just have *some thoughts*. Thoughts I can't articulate. So I drew this instead :U

Ref image is from ch. 6

[doeidawn]

☁︎ — helping hand

kyle was always a good friend to you, a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold when times got rough. maybe it was a good thing that your biggest problem as of late was a (seemingly endless) cycle of bad boyfriends. but kyle can't stand to see you upset; not when he knows just how well he can help you. 5.4k

⟢ pairing: gaz x f!reader

⟢ tags: MDNI/18+; one-time fwb turns into two-times; reference to previous sexual encounters; technically hurt/comfort—reader has shitty ex-bfs; smoking; gaz is a tease; oral sex [f receiving]; fingering; couch sex; unprotected piv sex (wrap it before you tap it); praise; slight possessive gaz if you squint; increasingly desperate sex; handjob; semi-awkward aftercare; i do not know how to end long fics sorry it's lame

It’s been a while since you and Kyle hooked up.

Eight months, to be exact. Nearly a year. Thankfully, everything was still okay between you two. He was a close friend—a good friend—and hooking up didn’t seem to change much about that. If anything, it only improved things; there was no lingering tension simmering in the air on late nights. No more wondering how his hands and lips would feel on your skin or yearning to hear him whisper filth in your ear. And even though it seemed surreal to remember the way he felt against you, it was over after that one time.

So you moved on. Even though your body begged for more and every fantasy seemed to circle back to him, you moved on.

In fact, Kyle was nothing but supportive of moving on. He was among the first to learn every time you started talking to someone new. He cared enough to vet the guys you met whenever he could, the major downside being that his criteria of “worthy of dating you” seemed very strict. So strict that none of them ever really fulfilled it. But you always assumed it was because Kyle cared about you and wanted you safe with a guy who knew your worth. Truthfully, he was the most supportive wingman you could’ve asked for.

It was a bittersweet feeling. You had to wonder if the night you shared replayed in his head as often as your own. He was the best you ever had, no doubt about it, but you knew it wasn’t in your best interest to yearn for your best friend. But, goddamn, was his embrace a hard one to find a replacement for.

Try as he may to keep you safe and prevent any heartbreak, it was, unfortunately, inevitable. Despite all of his efforts to keep you away from guys who were so clearly just using you, he couldn’t have known you were desperate enough to fill the void that you couldn’t stop yourself from lunging at the promise of a warm body. It was never worth it in the end. Every time, without fail, you’d run back to Kyle to cry on his shoulder. It sucked. But he was always the greatest help.

And, as much as you hated yourself for it, that’s exactly where you found yourself again. Sat on his sofa while you blow snot into tissues and smoke through his cigarettes just to rant about your latest failure of a date. You felt no better than the subjects of whatever trashy television was playing on the screen; originally intended to laugh at for distraction, now only reminding you how pitiful you felt. 

Like always, Kyle had a reassuring hand rubbing your back, nice enough to nod along to your sputtering and curses, as nonsensical as they were. He was so nice, and it made you feel like shit whenever you came around with another sob story.

You run a hand over your puffy eyes, wiping away another stream of tears from your cheeks. “M’sorry, Kyle. I didn’t mean to come over n’ cause a scene.”

“You’re alright, love.” The reassurance was nice, and it felt genuine, but it didn’t necessarily change how you felt.

“No, I’m not. I’m a fuckin’ mess.” A self-deprecating laugh leaves your lips as you run another tissue over your raw and red nose. “You think I’d learn a thing or two by now.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault those guys don’t know a perfect woman when they’ve got her.”

You roll your eyes at that. “‘A perfect woman’.” The thought makes you scoff. You felt anything but perfect. “Do I look like a perfect woman right now?”

“‘Course you do.” Kyle brings his other hand close and, for a moment, you think he’s going to hold your hand. Instead, he plucks away the cigarette hanging lazily between your fingers. “Smoking’s not a good look, though.”

“They’re your cigarettes.”

“Ah, that’s neither here nor there.” He takes a puff of his own before leaning forward to stub out the cigarette in an ashtray on the coffee table. “Never said I was perfect, did I?”

“You seem to have your shit together better than me.” You throw your tissue towards a bin Kyle had brought near the sofa once your crying had started. “I’m an idiot for not listenin’ to you.”

“Well, beatin’ yourself up over it isn’t gonna solve anythin’.”

“But it’s true. You warn me all the time about these guys. It’s either one boring date or a hookup just for…mediocre sex. At best.” Kyle scoffs at that. “And…then it’s over.”

Leaning back against the sofa, you run your hands over your face again. Frustration gnaws at you, tugging at the back of your mind and filling you with some unnamed emotion that makes everything feel bitter. It wasn’t Kyle’s fault for not knowing why you were so hard on yourself. It’s not like he knew it was him you were trying to replace.

You huff an exasperated sigh. “I’m just…frustrated. I can’t remember the last time a guy made me feel…good. Made me feel wanted.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Kyle nods his head in thought like he’s debating his inner monologue. He settles back against the sofa next to you. 

“I can.”

Two simple words and yet they make your heart feel like it’ll jump out of your chest. Choking on your breath felt preferable to meeting his gaze. 

“Oh, shut up.” You laugh, but you aren’t sure it’s because you found it funny. 

His hand finds its way to your thigh, the warmth of his touch seeping through your sweatpants. “You could have that again, you know. We could have that again.” You almost hate how hopeful he sounds.

You aren’t sure what to say. It must show on your face, you figure, when you notice his smile from the corner of your eye.

It would be a total and utter lie to pretend you haven’t thought about the possibility a million times over. As if you haven’t had to remember the way his touch felt so you could get yourself off when every other man couldn’t. But every time, without fail, the nastiest guilt would purge those thoughts away, ashamed of yourself for thinking about something he never seemed to bother remembering. 

But now he was proposing to do it all over again. And you wanted to. You wanted to so badly.

“Kyle…” Your throat is dry when you finally manage to utter the words. “I thought you…I assumed it was just a one-time thing…”

“It doesn’t have t’be.”

Of course it does, you want to argue. It wasn’t fair the way his touch had you yearning for something you shouldn’t want. But the more you thought about it, the less you wanted to fight it. 

His soft voice fills the silence as his thumb brushes over your thigh. “It’s what you deserve; someone who can make you feel good. And wanted.”

“I thought you only did that because I was…frustrated.”

“Mm. And you’re frustrated now, aren’t you?” 

It’s a simple question, but his tone is dulcet and sweet like he’s trying to seduce you. Truthfully, you feared it was working. Goddamn tease.

“I…suppose you could say that.” You concede, almost fighting the smile forming on your lips.

Kyle’s hand slides off of your thigh before snaking behind you, slotting perfectly on your curves as his arm wraps around your waist. “It certainly seems that way to me.” He leans in closer and your heart leaps into your throat when the warmth of his breath hits your cheek. “I don’t mind helpin’ you out again.”

You hope he doesn’t notice how tense you are, how your lips quiver as you finally bring yourself to speak. “Are…are you serious..?”

A small laugh escapes him as he pulls you closer. His lips press small, gentle kisses on the underside of your jaw, each one sending a shiver down your spine. You can practically feel the blood pumping hurriedly through your veins. He didn’t have to say anything to tell you how serious he was.

Heat pools in your core when his other hand slides up your thigh. More insistent than the last time, his fingers rub and knead at the pliant flesh hidden beneath your clothes. Your nerves come alight, sensitive to every brush of his fingers as they move inward on your body.

You tilt your head enough to catch Kyle’s attention. Placing a hand on his cheek when his nose brushes yours, you impatiently close the gap between your mouths. It’s a gentle kiss, but there’s an undoubtable hunger in it. Almost instantly, you feel the tension leave your body, replaced by an insatiable need that gnaws at your core.

He completely bombarded your senses. His smell in your nostrils, his touch on your curves, his taste on your lips—everything about him had your head spinning. It’s too much and too little all at the same time.

The movement of your hips was an impulsive one; a plea for him to hurry up or give you more. The whine that left you was a pathetic sound that escaped your mouth and filled his.

You could feel Kyle smile against you, his grip on your waist tightening. “Christ, you’re really impatient, huh?”

“Shut up, Kyle,” you pant. He wasn’t wrong; your patience was worn thin at this point. It was almost torturous to feel so needy.

“Easy, baby,” he coos against your lips. As riled up as you were, calming down wasn’t a simple ask, but you willed yourself to listen. The way he spoke to you made your body want to obey his every command. “I know what you need.”

When his mouth meets yours for another series of hungry kisses, you could feel his hand move higher up your thigh. His touch was intentionally light, a tease to leave you wanting more. And it did. It took everything in your power to keep still when his fingertips brushed over the space between your thighs.

But you couldn’t stop yourself when his hand finally dipped beneath the waistband of your sweatpants. You could feel how slick and desperate you were before his fingertips brushed over your panties. He groans into your mouth when he finds the wetness seeping through the fabric, cupping your cunt to feel you squirm.

“Oh, you poor thing. You needed this so bad, didn’t you?” You can almost sense some sincerity in his tease. Almost. 

You’re moaning against his lips before you can form your own tease. Kyle’s touch grows more insistent, his fingers dragging up and down your wet panties until he starts gently circling your clit. Your nails dig into his arm, hips rocking into his makeshift rhythm. Already sensitive from being neglected, the rough and wet fabric against your clit leaves you whining and groaning pathetically under his touch.

“Fuck, baby, you sound so needy.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Your heavy eyes watch his gaze rake over your body to ogle the way your legs spread. 

“Don’t…don’t tease me, Ky…” You groan between broken breaths and gasps. Your hips roll eagerly, bucking against the steady pressure of his fingertips. “C’mon, touch me. Please.”

You don’t mean to whine when his hand slides out from underneath your clothes. “Really impatient, aren’t we?” He mutters under his breath like he hadn’t meant for you to hear him before settling his hand on your hip. “I told you, I know what you need.”

You don’t get the chance to ask him to hurry up before he’s pulling your hips along the sofa cushions, guiding your body until you’re laid out on the furniture. You trusted him—even when you weren’t ferociously horny for his touch, you trusted him—and knew he’d make the wait worth it.

His fingers hook on the hem of your sweatpants, tugging it and your panties down your outstretched legs. The cool air hits your wet flesh and sends goosebumps over your skin. Your clothes are discarded somewhere on the floor before Kyle settles between your legs, bent down and crunched on the sofa until his face is level with your cunt.

Arms wrapped around your thighs, he kisses along the soft skin, alternating sides and nipping occasionally to feel the muscle underneath tense. As impatient as you were, you watched with rapt attention as his eyes focused on your slick cunt, sensitive enough to twitch every time you felt his breath hit.

One of his hands runs over your thigh until his rough fingertips are spreading you open. He smiles, smirking as if proud of himself. “You missed me, huh?”

You didn’t know if that was a comment on your impatience or how wet you were. Maybe both. “Maybe…just a li’l…” You pant, shivering when his warm breath ghosts over your clit as he laughs.

“Oh, I know you did. You’re fuckin’ dripping, love.”

Kyle’s eyes meet yours before his head dips down and his tongue sticks out to lick a slow stripe up your slit. The wet friction takes your breath away, nails digging into the cushion beneath you to ground yourself. His tongue spreads you apart, lapping at your arousal and gliding over your most sensitive parts.

“You taste just as good as I remember.” His words are muffled against your cunt, almost immediately drowned out by his wet slurps and your moans.

The flat of his tongue circles around your clit before gently sucking it into his mouth. The pressure already has your legs twitching and tensing, shockwaves of pleasure shooting through every nerve. He guides one of your legs up, propped against the back cushion of the sofa, before running his hand down your thigh. 

Fingertips gently caress your cunt, gliding through the mess of your arousal and his saliva, teasing and circling your hole. Two thick digits push inside and the sudden stretch has your hands flying towards Kyle, fingers digging into his short curls, desperate for some part of him to hold on to.

It’s been far too long since you felt this good. Eight months too long. The attention was almost unfamiliar; something overwhelmingly delicious that only he seemed to give you. The way he sucks on your clit while his fingers pump and curl just right makes your head fall back against the armrest. You can feel yourself squeezing his fingers and throbbing against his tongue, that ache in the pit of your stomach already beginning to form.

Kyle groans before sliding his mouth off of you. “Easy, baby. Fuck, you’re grippin’ so tight…” A gentle kiss lands on the inside of your thigh as his fingers curl again. “None of your li’l boyfriends touched you like this, did they?”

If you were any more coherent, you might have said something about how jealous he sounded. But that wasn’t the point right now; right now all you were focused on was how deep his fingers hit, and how right he was.

You shake your head. “No…not like this. Not this good,” you manage to admit between moans.

“Not this good,” he echoes, proudly whispering to himself, before his head dips down again.

His lips latch around your clit again, suckling and running his tongue over it until your hips start to buck. The sounds are disgustingly lewd; wet squelches with every thrust of his fingers, the sloppy sounds of his mouth, and your wanton moans—it’s everything you’d been fantasizing about since the last time he had you. 

Your eyes flutter open as you lift your head off of the armrest. Seeing Kyle, barely fitting himself on the sofa just to ravage you, makes you tighten around his fingers. “Holy shit, Ky. I’m gonna cum. You’re gonna make me cum,” you warn, panting breathlessly. Your toes curl, thighs tensing at the mounting heat in your core.

“Already? Oh, that’s a good girl,” he growls against your cunt. “Cum f’me. C’mon, show me how much you missed me.”

The hunger in his eyes makes you shudder. You were already close to the edge, but with his encouragement, you completely fell apart. With another swirl of his tongue and a harsh thrust of his fingers, your body goes taut with pleasure. The ecstasy that you’ve denied yourself for far too long shoots through your veins until your thighs are shaking.

Kyle hums contentedly at the tightness surrounding his fingers before easing them out. He quickly replaces the emptiness with his tongue, spreading you apart and lapping at your slick cum. He doesn’t pull back until you start to whine. With heavy eyes and a heaving chest, you watch him settle back on his knees, noting the way his lips and chin glisten. 

That unmistakable hunger—desire and determination mixed—is still clear as day in his eyes. He leans over you, lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss, and the taste and smell of yourself floods your senses. You reach out for him, twisting your fingers into his shirt to keep him close.

He groans into your mouth, the mess of tongue and teeth complimented by the sound. His hands find your waist, pushing your shirt up and sliding under layers until he can paw at your chest. You almost whine when one of his hands moves off of you until you hear the metallic jangle of his belt buckle coming undone.

He pulls back just enough to look down at you and your eyes immediately dart to his hand to watch him impatiently tug down his pants. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen his cock, but seeing it now—thick and heavy and warm as it brushes against your skin—makes all the memories from the first time flood your mind. And knowing how good he made you feel before only made you that much more eager.

Kyle wraps a hand around himself, giving his cock a few firm pumps before guiding it towards your wet slit. The head of his cock spreads your cunt and brushes against your sensitive clit with each roll of his hips. You can hear how wet you are, how you coat him in your slick with every movement, and you shudder when he groans.

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty when you’re needy,” he sighs. His hand, still kneading your chest under your shirt, slides down to grip your waist firmly. “God, I could look at you like this all day.”

“C’mon…Don’t make me beg.” You coo, trying to coax him as your legs hook over his hips.

“Oh, that’s a good idea.”

“Kyle.”

“You had no problem waitin’ eight months. You can wait a bit longer, right?”

“I swear to God, Kyle, just fuck me—”

Your own shaky moan interrupts your speech, ripped from your throat as Kyle suddenly pushes the head of his cock past your entrance. He leans down to plant a chaste kiss on the side of your parted lips.

“Gotta work on your patience, love.”

You can feel every inch as he slowly eases his thick cock into you. With nails digging into the sofa cushions to ground you amidst the delicious stretch, both of you moan when he finally bottoms out. He stills long enough for you to feel the way your slick walls flutter around him.

Thumbs press gently into the dip of your hips in a reassuring squeeze. “You alright?” He asks, scanning your face for approval. A pathetic nod and an ‘uh-huh’ that sounds more like a whimper escapes your lips. “Nearly forgot how perfect you feel.”

Kyle leans back on his knees, straightening up with a devilish smirk and an even hungrier look in his eye. His pace is slow when he finally begins to rock his hips back and forth. He watches your body intently; ogling at the way your cunt swallows every inch of him, savoring the way you mold around him, keeping an eye out for any sign of discomfort. 

You moan on every downstroke as he fills you with every slow thrust, the head of his cock pushing just right against that sweet spot deep inside. Still so slick and sensitive from your recent orgasm, every nerve feels alight—addicted to the fullness and the way his cock twitches inside you. 

“Oh, fuck.” You whine as your hands search him out, desperate to be even closer. You can feel his muscles tense when your hands run up his arms and hold onto him tightly. “God, you fill me so good…so fuckin’ deep.”

Kyle makes a sound at that, something between a laugh and a groan. “I know, baby,” he coos softly, encouraging your touch when he leans back to pull his shirt off over his head.

There’s no hiding the way you tighten around him when you see his bare skin. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight, but something about watching his muscles tense with every push of his hips made your head spin. He leans closer, just enough for you to reach your hands out and splay your fingers over his chest.

“I needed you so fucking badly.” The confession tumbles from your lips without thought, forced out alongside a moan that proves how true it was. “You make me feel so good. I never—shit—never should’ve looked for someone else.”

His jaw goes tight, a low grunt in the back of his throat his only reply to your admission. His gaze drops from your face to watch where his hips meet yours, but judging by the way his chest rises with heavier, deeper breaths, you aren’t so sure it’s because he’s uncomfortable. 

He’s holding back. 

The thought sends a shiver down your spine and your hips buck in his direction on the next agonizingly slow thrust. “I missed you so much, Kyle.” It wasn’t a lie—your body’s reaction to him was more than enough proof of that—but you wanted to see him let go, to stop being so gentle and kind like he always was. “C’mon, fuck me like you missed me too.”

That does the trick.

Kyle mutters a swear under his breath as his hands move to grab the underside of your thighs, pushing your legs towards your chest. Your hands fall to the sofa cushion at the sudden change in position. His hips slam against yours, one foot planted on the floor so he has complete control as he drives his cock all the way within you. There’s no more finesse, no more charm—just pure need.

Hearing the way you yelp and whine at his newfound desperation makes him curse under his breath again. “I missed you…so fuckin’ much,” he grunts, the words coming out as more of a growl. “Christ, I needed this. Been needin’ you all this time. I couldn’t stop…thinkin’ about you.”

That confession makes your head swim—you wonder if this is how he felt hearing your own admission of missing him. You’d thought about the last encounter countless times, but you never would’ve thought it meant as much to him as it did. The way he pounded into you now made you convinced that he craved this just as badly as you did.

“Yeah?” You whine, smiling pathetically at him. “Oh, God, me too. I needed this, needed you.”

When his eyes meet yours, you see nothing but determination behind his gaze, feral and hungry and needy. His hands dig into the plump skin of your thighs as he holds your legs in place. “Did you think of me when they fucked you? Huh? Did you have to think about my hands? My cock?”

All you can do is nod, frantic and hurried, as a pathetic “uh-huh” is forced from your lungs. Heat pools at the bottom of your stomach, tugging at your sensitive insides with every quick punch of his cock deep inside.

Kyle groans, a deep, guttural sound that makes your slick walls flutter around him. “Yeah, they didn’t make you feel this good, did they? No one can make you feel like I do. No one fills this pretty pussy like I do, huh?”

You can’t even form a proper response, your mind blanking. Your eyes roll back, head lying against the armrest, every muscle so tense yet malleable to his will. Your lack of a response was enough proof he was right; no one else stretched and filled you the way he did. 

You hear him curse again before he speaks through gritted teeth. “I would’ve given you this…any-fucking-time you wanted it. Whenever you needed me.”

Finally releasing the sofa cushion, your hands seek out the warmth of his skin, fingers curling against his arms. You could feel yourself tensing, your cunt hugging every inch of him as he slid in and out. “Ky, I’m…I’m gonna c-cum again—fuck.”

You could almost feel his stare boring through you when his grip tightens on the skin of your thighs. “That’s it, gimme one more. C’mon,” Kyle groans through his encouragement, “I’ve waited eight goddamn months. I need to feel you cum on my cock again.”

You bite your lip to hold back the pathetic moans and whimpers leaving your mouth. It was all wanton and needy—involuntary sounds pushed out of your lungs with every deep, rough thrust. The squelching of your cunt welcoming his cock fills your ears, his skin hitting yours with a satisfying slap each time.

“Let me hear you,” he coaxes, almost desperate. “I know you’re close, baby, you’re gettin’ so tight.”

It didn’t take his encouragement for another set of choked moans to slip past your lips. It was harder and harder to hold back, to fight off the mounting pressure in your core. “Fuck, Kyle, s’too much…”

“S’alright, I got you. Just cum one more time f’me, baby. Just one more.”

Maybe it was his encouragement, maybe it was the possessiveness underlying his tone, maybe it was the way his cock hit so perfectly deep, maybe it was because he was the first guy to make you feel good in months. Whatever the reason was, when you came for the second time, you felt that pleasure in every inch of your body.

Every muscle tenses, taut with pleasure as waves of ecstasy flow through you, flooding every nerve. Your nails dig into his skin and your toes curl until you’re left shaking. Your cunt hugs every inch of him, pulsing and milking him for all that he’s worth as he slowly fucks you through the high with stuttered thrusts.

“That’s it, there you go,” you hear him pant at one point. “Keep going, baby, give it to me.”

Kyle’s own sounds are barely audible as your moans fill the air, but he curses and groans as he watches your body tense and throb and twitch. The obscenely lewd sound of your squelching cunt is even more obvious now with the slick cum coating his cock. 

Just as the last tremors of your orgasm start to fade, he pulls out hastily with a groan. He releases your legs from his grip, and the ache you know you’ll feel soon is pushed to the back of your mind when he leans down to plant a kiss on your lips. 

He pulls back just enough to look down at you, at your flushed sweaty skin, to watch you pant and barely have the energy to look back up at him. “God, you’re so fucking perfect.”

Planting another kiss on your lips, you can feel Kyle shift to wrap a hand around himself. Stroking himself steadily between your legs, his breathing grows heavier between each kiss, the wet sound of his cock covered in your cum sliding against his palm hitting your ears. It’s not until you reach down into the space between your bodies that he stops.

You don’t stop kissing him as you nudge his hand off of his cock to replace his rough, calloused touch with your much softer one. He grunts almost immediately, hips bucking into your hand as it wraps snugly around him. You try to mimic the pace he had set, pumping the length of his cock, the slick of your cum making the movement fluid and easy. 

“Fuck, just like that…” His hands reach past you to grab the cushion beneath your body. You catch a glance of him, watching his eyebrows knit tight on his forehead, before he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

His breath hits your skin, warm and heavy, sending a shiver down your spine as he moans and grunts. His hips stutter as he bucks into your hand a final time, cock twitching as his cum hits your stomach. Your hand works out every drop until he's wincing and pulling his hips away. 

There are a few beats of silence, the only sound being the two sets of heavy breaths as you both come down from a much-needed high. Though your senses start to come back and your body grounds itself against the sofa cushions and his skin, it still doesn’t feel real somehow. But despite being an unbelievable act, you don’t feel any regret this time. 

Kyle’s the first one to move, eventually pulling back enough to look down at you. “Feel better?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Even through heavy eyes, you can’t miss the way he smiles. He sits back on his knees to tuck his softening cock back into his pants and you watch as his eyes study the mess on your stomach before you look at it yourself. Just the sight of his cum pooling on your skin sends warmth directly to your core. He leans over to the table, grabbing what few tissues were left after your earlier crying spells, to clean the mess he’d left on you.

Nothing but silence for a moment as Kyle carefully runs the tissue over your stomach as you bask in the afterglow. It’s all the reassurance about him that you need. There’s an unspoken desire in the warmth of his eyes, in the way he looks at you and caresses your skin like you’re worthy of worship. The way he makes you feel—wanted—has your heart fluttering in your chest.

You eventually break the silence with a sigh. “Thank you, Kyle. I…I do feel better. A lot better.”

“Good. That’s good.” He only looks up to throw the soiled tissues in the bin next to the sofa. “Sorry for, uh…Y’know, makin’ you a mess.” He gestures to the lower half of your body with a shrug.

You raise an eyebrow at that. “Wasn’t that your intention?”

That makes him smile. A shy, almost nervous smile that you aren’t sure you’ve ever seen him wear. “You got me.” One last swipe of the soft tissue against your skin to ensure you’re clean. “At least I’m cleanin’ you up afterward.”

“Yeah, aren’t you just a proper gentleman?”

Your sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed. “Hey, I bet those other blokes never bothered.”

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you roll your eyes at his sentiment. “That’s because those blokes never bothered to make me cum in the first place.” You have to smile at him, at the way he cringes at himself for bringing up your previous partners. “If you want reassurance, you’ve got it. They’ve got nothin’ on you, Garrick.”

“I know, I know. I jus’ like to hear you say it.” Kyle leans down, meeting you halfway for a kiss that’s much softer yet holds the weight of the world behind. His hands skirt over your hips before trailing up your naked skin and resting on your waist. “You need a proper wash. C’mon.”

The ache in your muscles starts to set in as the bliss slowly fades. You groan at the stiffness in your knees when he pulls you up with him to stand on your feet. There’s sweat drying on your back, a familiar stickiness between your legs, and your feet feel unsteady.

But Kyle wraps an arm around you to keep you from stumbling and wobbling on your way to the restroom. His fingertips glided over your skin, tracing curves and dips with reverent ease. He held you like you were porcelain, even after you were in the water. 

Many things could be said about Kyle. Most of them circled back to his generosity, his willingness to help, even when you felt like an unwanted burden. But he gave you everything you could ever want. And maybe one day you’ll realize it’s because he needs your helping hands just as much as you need his. 

[hopekiedokie]

Mall is Life | INTRO : She’s Broke, He’s Broke, We’re All Broke!

Summary: Your dad thinks it’s best for you to pay off the credit card that you just maxed out. Meaning, it’s time for you to finally get your very first job…at the mall. As a true blue spoiled daughter from a very rich family, what could possibly happen? Form a labour union and overthrow the oppressive government with 7 other underpaid and overworked guys??? Or maybe just form a bond with them and have the best time of your life?

Pairing: bts x reader

Genre: mall!au, lowkey a sitcom, fluff, eventual angst, and a whole lot of pure crack

Word count: 5.3k+

Notes: As I’m doing final rewrites for this, I overheard my co-teacher call one of our students a “crack” and I honestly have never related hard to a student. Anyways, transferring this from gdocs to tumblr took sooooo long. I literally aged 10 years. I didn’t think writing in this style would be such a pain so I really do hope you enjoy this! Keep safe and hang on while the world still seems like it’s on its way to destruction.

Posted on: 8th of Jan, 2021

— • masterlist | Character Guide | INTRO | next • —

Red

Red is all you see.

Your vision has been clouded by the colour red since the moment you stepped inside the mall.

Sale season is upon you and red tags are everywhere!

Buy one get one for a girlfriend sized “boyfriend t-shirt”, a free cookie if you get 7 drinks, 5% off on your next purchase from Kucci and… Gasp! 75% off for a light sabre handheld immersion blender???

Do you even cook or watch Star Trek or whatever it’s called? Heck no.

bUT IT’S MORE THAN HALF OFF and it looks cool so might as well get it.

Right?

You saunter off towards the sights of free or marked down signs to start making damages.

“Ehem.”

The sound of your best friend, Taehyung’s voice, freezes you in place and you feel like a kid caught in the act of stealing a candy.

Literally, you have both your hands in front of you with your mouth open and watering.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” His hands are placed on his hips, like a slightly inconvenienced Karen.

“Oh, uh...I was just, you know!? About to admire the general splendour!”

He was like, ya right sweetie.

“Shut up. This isn’t a Jane Austen book.”

Well, one can dream.

And lowkey, you were kinda expecting him to not get the reference.

…or even understand what you just said.

Damn.

You really need to give Taehyung some credit.

He is after all, your best friend and that is an achievement in itself.

“Focus, y/n. FOCUS. We’re here on a mission, don’t get distracted.”

Ugh, right.

Reality hit you again like a ton of bricks.

“And as if you can afford anything! Unless, you’re in for some service water.”

You scoff hard.

Though he isn’t lying.

See, the thing is, your family is rich.

Like rich 𝑹𝑰𝑪𝑯.

Like “rent a whole stadium for your dad’s morning run” rich

You, alone, though?

ʰᵉ ʰᵉ ʰᵉ

“Sorry, you’re absolutely right. We’re here for one thing only and that is to find a job! We’re not leaving until we get one.”

And that’s what you did for the next two hours

Job hunting

You might be wondering, “If we're so rich then why are we looking for a job?”

Well kids, let me tell you a quick story.

Here’s what happened

A week ago, you had probably the most embarrassing yet most eye opening experience of your life.

You were shopping

(like duh do you have anything else to do?)

And your credit card got…

Wait for it…

…………….

🚫DECLINED🚫

◉.◉

Like, that can happen????

Next thing you know, you’re on the phone with your dad and he is MAD

You don’t even know why he is so pressed about it.

Okay, so you maxed out one of his seemingly endless supply of credit cards.

BIG DEAL.

It’s not like he lost a bunch of money.

Maybe to a normal person, yeah…

BUT to you guys?

Come on! He can earn that money back in like two days.

Besides, he always goes on saying that he'd willingly give everything for you, his one and only princess.

bUT NOoOOoo! He has to teach you to be rEsPoNsIbLe with money! You need to be a 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏.

"What? You think I'm a money making machine here?"

Well, tbh he kinda is.

"You think money grows on trees?"

Well, technically, money is paper so...ya it kinda does.

"I don't slave around just so you could plunge yourself in all of your whims!"

Uh, actually.

You kinda do though if we refer back to your whole willingly-give-everything-to-you shtick.

So that wasn't real, huh?

ＡＬＬ ＭＥＮ ＤＯ ＩＳ ＬＩＥ.

smh

Taehyung, on the other hand...

Well, his mother’s old but rich sugar daddy just recently passed away and unfortunately all his money and prized possessions were inherited by his one and only beloved son.

All they got was a couple of stupid jewelry, which did allow them to pay for a new (less glamorous) apartment, but still

Eh.

What a complete disappointment.

11+ years of being a sugar baby, all for nothing.

So now it’s back to the slums for the both of them.

Sad reacs for a fallen warrior.

I’m talking about Tae’s mother, not the sugar daddy...

THOUGh rip for him. Uh,,,,

He’ll be missed? I guess???

(1 like of this post = 1 respect for him)

DW about his mother though. She doesn’t seem quite fazed by it.

“This is why if you find a rich old bastard, make sure he doesn’t have any kids. That or have an affair with their kid. Oh well, on to the next one.” She told you and Tae during the funeral.

It’s been three months since.

She’s currently working at a hair salon and also,,,,

Taehyung thinks she’s seeing someone again cause she’s been using her designated “𝑠𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑖𝑛𝑔” parfum.

WHICH you still don’t know if you should be impressed or be concerned about.

Nonetheless, you respect the hustle of this woman. ✊✊✊✊

Unfortunately, her efforts are still not enough to satisfy their expensive needs so that brings us to the present situation.

Actually, it couldn’t have been more perfect though!

You and your best friend coincidentally just happen to be in the same dilemma.

Kind of

Well, not really

Plus, it’s not really the most pleasant circumstance bUT STILL

The point is, you’re in this together and that’s enough for the both of you.

:’)

“Ugh, this totally blows.” Taehyung says as you both sit on one of the food court booths.

“Which one, us not getting any jobs yet or the fact that we’re hanging at the food court?”

“Get used to it, princess. Honestly, you'll find that the food here isn't as disgusting as you think they are." He says as he fishes for his phone in his man purse.

"Well, at this rate, I won't be able to get used to it since I sTILL haven't found a job. Why are the good stores so demanding? Like, an intensive classroom and in-store training only to have a possibility to get hired??? To think that I'm a loyal Louie Button customer!"

(A/n: This is actually a real procedure for Louis Vuitton, at least in my own experience. But I only applied and never went through with the training cause I figured that it just ain't for me.)

You continue ranting your little heart out about how you could sue these stores for unfair treatment.

Taehyung, though, has long tuned you out and has pointed his full attention to his phone.

This is turning out to be a lot more disastrous than what he anticipated.

So he needs to phone a friend in.

Orrrrr a couple.

He's getting desperate, okay??

The entire spring collection was practically screaming out to him when they entered Kucci.

He's a 𝓚𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓲 𝓫𝓸𝔂 through and through.

He hasn't missed a single Kucci season collection in years.

IN YEARS, PEOPLE!

He can feel his right eye twitch at this blasphemy.

"I'm telling you! These stores are absolutely ungrateful-hEY! Are you even listening??"

"No. I thought that was obvious the second I whipped my phone out."

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

Rude

He didn't even try to deny it.

"You know, I really don't need you to be mean to me right now."

"Sorry y/n but this…" He lifts his phone up, "is more important right now."

What could possibly be more important than your current problem??

If you don't leave today with any form of productivity, you just might have to sell the entirety of your closet.

And we all know that ain't happening.

"By 'that', you mean?"

His phone vibrates a couple of times, indicating that he just received a bunch of messages.

He instantly opens them, disregarding you once again.

I-

Seriously, thIS bOy!

"Hello???? I'm still here and we're still hideously unemployed!"

He looks up to you with a smile that seems a tad bit too eerie.

Okay, this is somewhat alarming ngl.

"I called in some reinforcements."

Reinforcements... Huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

You stare at him with scrunched brows and mouth slightly agape.

And as if on cue, a male voice rings from behind you.

"Tae! We're here!"

"Jimin! Seokjin hyung!"

Ohhhhhhh

*Looks at the camera*

Them.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

For everyone's information, Taehyung grew up a hair away from the poverty line.

He was in his preteen years when their family found success through his mother's sugar daddy.

He didn't grow up rich whICH there's NOthing wrong WiTh THAT.

A person's financial status does not define them.

Taehyung's friends, however, already have a collective definition in your head.

One word

༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ MESS™

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

A hot mess you are so not willing to become a part of.

Tae keeps them away from you because he knows that they are not the type of people you would associate yourself with.

Which is why you've never met any of them.

...Until today.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

Guess being besties with a broke Taehyung means it only makes sense that you finally meet them.

♫︎dUN dUn- ok that's enough of that.

"We got the Code 17 message. I can't believe I'll ever get that from you. This is history, man! We need to celebrate!" Someone says accompanied by what sounds like someone wiping a window.

You look at Taehyung with a very displeased look.

May god and every higher being out there give you strength.

He doesn't even look the slightest bit bothered by what might be one of the boldest crossovers to ever happen.

Also, "Code 17"??? Wth?

"What's wrong? You never ask to meet at the food court… And who's this with--oh." A different, softer voice talks this time.

"You guys remember my bestie, right? Y/n? Well, I think it's time you guys finally meet."

From behind you, Seokjin and Jimin share a slightly wary yet excited look.

Jimin, being the natural people lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to have another best friend.

From what he's heard from Taehyung, you two are slightly alike, being a total softie.

So don't be surprised if a montage of things like the two of you going on picnics at the mall garden or watching the premiere of the next Disney movie plays in his head.

Seokjin, on the other hand, being the woman lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to score big time.

He's heard a lot about you from Tae but the only thing that stuck (and pretty much the only thing that matters) is that you are HELLA rich.

$ ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 $

So are we even surprised that what he imagines is him breezing through the luxury section of the mall, with his personal butlers in tow, and having everyone swoon at him?

“Y/n,” Taehyung gives you a pointed look as if telling you to be nice. “Meet Seokjin hyung and Jimin, two of my other best friends.”

Alright, you heard that these people work here at the mall.

So you’re gonna have to suck it up if it means being stuck with them for god knows how long.

You just hope they have some level of bearableness.

(Oh and some form of acceptable fashion taste too please, thank you very much!)

As much as you're not in the mood to smile, you still plaster on the sweetest one you can muster and turn around to face the two----

Oh

(o.O)

oh oh oh oh ho ho ho ho

Hello

hELLO indeed.

One of them has a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black slim fit trousers, and a brown newsboy cap like a cherry on top.

He's also wearing a brown apron with a small name tag that says 𝓙𝓲𝓶𝓲𝓷.

The other guy's more casual with his baby pink t-shirt, french tucked into his black ripped skinny jeans.

Personally, you wouldn’t really call them amazing outfits…

bUT SWEET BABY JESUS ARE THEY DOING THINGS.

GREAT THINGS

(Tbh maybe it’s their handsome faces that do it for you)

"Hi, I'm Jimin! It's very nice to finally meet you."

He extends his hand and you take it in a heartbeat because my god that smile.

Wooooooooooo

Now, that's what greets you into heaven.

"Tae says a lot of good things about you and I think- oof."

Cute pink shirt guy (rudely) shoves him to the side.

Jimin almost topples to the ground and it makes you want to stand and check up on him.

The poor cutie.

For some reason, you feel like Taehyung and pink shirt guy get along well.

"AND I'M Seokjin!"

This time, Seokjin swiftly takes your hand without any warning which leaves you feeling flustered.

“Umm… Nice to meet you..?” You manage to politely croak out.  

He gives your hand a kiss and then drops you a sultry wink.  

Thank god you're sitting right now.  

You'd be a lying fool to say that that didn't make your knees weak.  

But ngl, that’s a face that definitely greets you into hell.  

Like, no offense to his handsome face but you are sure there’s something completely devious going on underneath.  

No one can change your mind on that.  

"OKAY! Enough introductions, we’ll have plenty of time for that later... Where are the others??”  

“Hoseok hyung said that he's with Jungkook and they're on their way to get Namjoon hyung." Jimin says as he fixes his hat that slightly slid off.  

"Well, they better hurry!"  

Taehyung DEFINITELY did not have any reasons to cut your introductions off.  

He just did not like how you are practically drooling over Jimin and Seokjin.  

He’s nOT JEALOUS OR ANYTHING  

It’s just...  

It’s not like you’ve never been close to any hot guys before.  

Uh hello???  

HE’S HOT  

And you’re with him 24/7

Wait…  

Do you even think he’s hot???  

Okay now that’s a thought he never considered before.  

Damn bro  

Now Tae’s having an existential crisis…  

anD hE’s dEfiniTEly NOT jEALous!!!  

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  

"WE'RE HERE!"  

All four of you direct your heads to the sound of a new voice and you start to think that Taehyung might actually be playing a joke on you.  

Come on!  

THREE 👏  MORE 👏  HOT 👏 GUYS  👏

???  

This can't be real.  

This is literal heaven!  

Gasp!  

Are.  

You.  

DEAD?!  

Maybe you're right about Jimin being what greets you into heaven!

It all makes sense.  

“Dude, we came as soon as we could. We even pulled Namjoon out of his rabbit hole.” The handsome one wearing a sports jersey says. 

“This better be important. I didn’t even get to ask permission to take a break! I’m supposed to be stocking utensils right now.” The handsome one wearing an atrocious outfit of a bright blue shirt and a much brighter yellow pants chimes in.  

The handsome one wearing loose fitting jeans, a plaid button up and a black t-shirt underneath just stayed at the sidelines not saying anything.  

Out of all of them, you think he’s the most stylish one.  

Your eyes meet while you are assessing his outfit but he instantly looks away.  

A noticeable blush blooms on his cheeks and you almost swoon.  

Awww he’s extra cute.  

“Yeah, cause organising cutlery is more important than a friend in a literal crisis.” Taehyung says in a sarcastic tone.  

“So what are we doing here?”  

“What is this ‘crisis’ you are referring to?”  

“Yo, who is she?”  

Namjoon, Jin, and handsome jersey boy all talk at the same time.  

Ugh you need a massage.  

Being surrounded by these broke handsome men is making you lightheaded.  

“This is Y/n. You know, my other best friend.”

“Oh, your money buddy.” Handsome jersey boy butts in.   

Uh EXCUSE YOU, WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  

You scoff hard and loud.  

Taehyung clears his throat and you thought he was going to make a comment defending you or something.  

Oh honey, you are wrong.  

Because for the nth time today, he just brushes you off.  

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyways, Guys, meet Y/n. Y/n, this is Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, and Jungkook.”  

You didn't think it'd be possible but for the first time ever, you so badly want to rip someone's hair out.  

And not just someone, it's Taehyung.  

Normally, a sassy, moody, rude boy Taehyung doesn’t affect you at all.  

But then again, his negative vibes were never really directed to you.  

And given the current circumstance, you’re also not in the best mood as well.  

So you aren't as inviting as you usually are when you shook hands with the three boys.  

Somehow, even their overflowing handsomeness did not do anything for you now.  

Your presence, however, did something to the three boys.  

AND I MEAN A LOT.  

Confused, attracted, intimidated, confused, in awe, slightly scared, nervous, confused, hungry…  

What? Hoseok hasn’t had lunch and coincidentally, he started feeling his tummy rumble when he looked at you.  

…..  

Fun fact: Hoseok is DEFINITELY NOT A CANNIBAL NOR HE EVER PLANS ON BEING ONE.  

If ever you were thinking...  

“Okay, so here’s the sitch.” Tae starts to explain your situation and everyone listens to him intently.  

Little did you all know, the final member of the friend group just arrived at the food court and is now walking towards where you all are.  

It wasn’t difficult to spot your group with Namjoon’s obnoxiously brightly coloured towering self and the few girls hanging around.  

Probably Jimin’s fanclub.  

“And so, here we are!” Tae finishes, keeping everyone updated.  

"Wow, so you two are looking for an actual job? Like, here? At the mall??" A very baffled Seokjin asks.  

Tae rolls his eyes.  

"Yes. Is that really hard to believe?"  

"Actually, yes. It is."  

Another male voice is heard coming from someplace.  

“Yoongi hyung!”  

Oh great! Another one.  

Surely, this guy’s not that interesting.  

I mean, what are the fricking odds that he’s also an immaculate being??  

You turn around and your mouth drops to the floor.  

No no no no no.  

No way!  

Another freaking gOOD LOOKING GUY HAS WALKED UP TO YOUR GROUP.  

Okay, this is getting unbelievable now.  

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?  

Like, where and how on earth did Taehyung manage to get and round up SIX insanely good looking guys??  

What is this? Are you on The Bachelorette??

Wait no   

It's like Oprah!  

And instead of cars, she's giving away handsome men

You get a hot Asian man, you get a hot Asian man, you all get a hot Asian man!  

OR MAYBE  

Are you on MTV Punk'd?????  

Statistically speaking, a hot guy can have two or maybe three equally hot best friends

BUT SIX???   

ARE YOU KIDDING?  

Is Taehyung like Thanos? Collecting the six infinity stones?  

Thanos? lol.  

If anything, he's more like Henry VIII with his six wives.  

“So you guys didn’t even wait for me, huh?”

Yoongi, oh so casually, just takes a seat beside you   

Without even giving you a single glance or whatnot.  

“I didn’t know you'd be here at the mall today?”  

“Yeah, what are you doing here?”  

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “It’s a free country, I can be here whenever I want to be.”  

Well, can’t argue with that logic.  

The mall is practically your second home at this point.  

“... Also… uTunes is hiring and uh… I’m applying...”  

You don’t understand why but everyone else looks either shocked or annoyed at Yoongi’s announcement... 

Are you missing something here?  

“Man, you need to give it up! That place can suck it.”  

Yoongi gives Seokjin one of the scariest glare you’ve ever seen.  

It could rival against your dad’s famous death glares that he gives to his incompetent subordinates.  

Namjoon shakes his head disapprovingly, “You’re applying there again?? I can’t believe it.”  

Yes, again.  

This is going to be the seventh time he’s applying at uTunes Records, the most popular music shop there is.  

So many people flock to it even though we’re already in the digital age.  

But he doesn’t question it.  

All he cares about is getting a job there because the employees get to play their own music in the store.  

Do you know how much of a popularity boost that is?  

A CRAP TON.  

On top of that, one of the employees gets a chance to get signed by a record label every year.  

And if you're not awarded by that chance, you can still meet agents and get signed through their many parties.  

Because of that, so many people also apply for a job there.  

But they unfortunately have such high standards which is why even after three years, he still hasn’t passed their vibe check.

"Listen, seven's a lucky number. I have great feelings about this one. Besides, I've built up a strong résumé. Winning one of uTunes' own rookie dj contests must mean something, right? They can't not take me!"   

Wow.  

You've only known Yoongi for a solid three minutes, but you can already tell that he's quite passionate about this.  

"Hyung, all we're saying is that maybe you should consider doing something else? You could do so much more than run after that store." Jimin says and pats Yoongi's hand a couple of times.  

"All of you perfectly know getting a job there could quite possibly set my music career!"  

"Is that really it? Or is it because of a certain Daphne??" Seokjin teases him.  

The rest just mutters an "ooh" or an "aah".  

You seem to have been turned into an accessory.  

You so cannot relate to anything they've talked about since Yoongi came. 

It's like you're at one of your dad's social gatherings and all you can do is smile and nod.  

"ANYWAY," Yoongi interjects in their teasing. "So Tae, you're also looking for a job?"  

Jeez FINALLY.  

Something you can talk about that involves you.  

It felt like you were just back home watching some random show that doesn't require your input.  

Taehyung gives an overly dramatic heavy sigh.  

"Unfortunately, yes. Y/n and I both need one badly. But all the stores had been rejecting us left and right. Like, the audacity!" Taehyung rants all over again.  

Jimin, listens to him intently as if he hasn't heard all of this before.  

Seokjin seems to have been entertaining the surrounding ladies for a while now.

[by giving some ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ and some (•̀ᴗ-)☞  ]  

Across the table, Namjoon complains to Hoseok about getting in trouble with his boss.  

Jungkook, well, he's just staring at the beautiful pizza this kid next to you guys is eating. (Someone's hungry too, okay?) 

While Yoongi just openly stares at you.  

Welp.  

What the frick are you supposed to do now?

Is Taehyung or anyone going to properly introduce you two?   

No???  

Okay fine.  

Seems like you're gonna have to get used to doing things on your own.  

You smile at him and timidly hold your hand out.  

"Uh hi. I'm Y/n. I don't know if Tae's ever mentioned me to you before but--"  

"Oh, trust me. He's mentioned you plenty. He actually never shuts up about you."  

ʰᵉʰ  

Ok  

You don't really know if he was stating that as a fact or if he's trying to be mean…  

"Oh ha ha… That must be really annoying then."  

"Yeah, it is actually."  

Your small polite chuckle died down your throat.  

Wow and you thought Taehyung can be rude.  

hE'S STILL JUST STARING.  

"Uh…" You finally lowered your hand that he obviously isn't going to shake.  

That is definitely going in your top 10 most embarrassing moments ever.  

God, can someone get you away from this guy?  

What's his problem?  

"SO, can any one of you help us? Like, any tips or something?" Tae concludes his really long and repetitive rant.  

Everyone's eyes FINALLY focuses on Tae again.  

Seokjin snorts loudly.  

Eww.  

He opens his mouth to say something but Tae immediately holds his hand up to stop him.  

"Anyone except you hyung. I don't think you're classified."  

Everyone laughs to that and again,  

ARE YOU MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING HERE?  

Seokjin raises one finger like he's trying to make a point. "If anyone is classified to give tips on how to get accepted, it's me!"  

"Yeah, just not on how to last on one." Namjoon loudly whispers to Tae.  

"HEY I HEARD THAT!"  

Ohhh….  

So,  

Does he constantly get fired from a job?  

Well, that's just sad.  

Hopefully you don't end up like him.  

😳  

"Actually," Hoseok starts, "how do you end up landing on so many jobs? Like, don't they know your reputation?"  

And that's your cue to finally insert yourself in the conversation.  

"Uh, what reputation?"  

"Sweetheart, you don't really want to know! It's not that big of a deal." Seokjin quickly steers you away from the topic but the other guys didn't allow it to happen.  

"Oh, you know. Just that, he's known to be the "job eater" here. Cause he pretty much eats a job and moves on from it in a flash." Namjoon graciously fills you in.  

So you were right.  

That's kind of impressive though…  

But a huge waste.  

"Still! It makes me very much qualified to give the unemployed a tip!"  

"Save it hyung, you might need it for your next job once you get fired from Uncle Aang's."  

Seokjin gives everyone a sheepish smile.  

What's that about?  

It almost looks as if he…  

"YOU GOT FIRED ALREADY?!"  

"Oh you bet I did."  

To be fair, how could he not stop himself from eating the free samples? Those pretzels are literal drugs.  

"You just got that job four days ago. I can't believe it!"  

"I can believe it." Yoongi says out loud.  

Can't he say anything nice?  

"Whatever! Point is, these stores still hire me no matter what."  

"You know what, that is a good point." Taehyung mutters, slowly turning convinced by Seokjin.  

Namjoon groans. "Are you for real Tae? If you want some job advice, maybe ask one from us who has only had one permanent job all throughout."  

"Guys, let's give Seokjin hyung a chance!" Jimin, ever the sweet positive boy, suggests.

"Of course you would say that."    

Not wanting to fade into nothingness, you insert yourself again in the conversation.  

"I want to hear what he has to say."  

Once those words left your mouth, you instantly regret it.  

A.) Seokjin gives you another wink and gives you a flying kiss that has you weak in the knees again- I MEAN WHAT. I SAID NOTHING.  

And B.) Yoongi is clearly not a fan of you sharing your opinions with the group.    

Despite the obvious protests of Namjoon, Seokjin still gives his number one "professional" advice  

And that is to have a perfectly 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 résumé.  

"A high quality résumé? YOU? What the fuck are you talking about?" Yoongi says, slightly amused and slightly tired of the older guy's shenanigans.  

"Don't believe me? Fine. But I'm telling you, it's all here on paper!" Seokjin takes out a folder from his backpack and waves it around.  

Namjoon immediately snatches it from him  

"5 pages long?? Are you for real?”  

Seokjin hums and watches smugly with a cocky grin as the guys read through his résumé.  

“Hang on, since when did you do balloon modelling?”  

"I don't."  

Hoseok gasps. "But bro, isn't that lying?"  

"Yeah, duh! How else are these people gonna hire you? You have to sell them what they're looking for."  

"What if they ask you to use these skills that you clearly don't have?"  

"Then you're just gonna have to fake it till you make it, baby!"  

Huh  

No wonder he doesn't last long on a single job.  

"And how's that working out for you?" Yoongi presses on.  

"Well at least I get hired, Mr. 7th Time's the Charm!"  

Yoongi is like ᶠⁱᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁱ ʷᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˢⁱᵗᵃᵗᵉ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ (ง'̀-'́)ง  

"That's not really the point of having a job, but I guess, whatever floats your boat, dude!" Hoseok finally sides with Seokjin.  

"So everyone is looking for a job then?" Taehyung realizes, "this is so cool if all of us get hired! We'll all face the real world together."  

"All of us except Jungkook though."  

Who?  

Oh that extra cute shy boy.  

You forgot he's here.  

Boy really hasn't said a word at all.  

"Did ya hear that? All of us are getting jobs!"

"You should get one too!"   

"That would be so cool!"  

"So what do you say? What are your plans Kook?"  

"Guys, don't pressure the kid!"  

The guys talk simultaneously, ultimately kind of pressuring Jungkook to say something before he even thinks about it.  

The table falls silent and everyone eyes Jungkook.  

The guys are like ( ･ิ ͜ʖ ･ิ) and ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)  

Jungkook is like (ʘ ͟ʖ ʘ)  

Then the guys are like (≖ ͜ʖ≖)  

So jungkook is like (¬‿¬ )  

In the end, they are all like 

(☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)  

And through it all, you are just ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ  

What the heck is going on?  

"Yeah, why not?" Jungkook simply concludes and the guys make various celebrating noises.  

Gasp!  

He can talk???  

"Okay, everyone calm down! Let's wait until after everyone gets hired before we celebrate." Namjoon scolds everyone.  

"Well that might take a while considering Y/n and I can't find one!"  

Namjoon places a comforting hand on Tae's shoulder. "Oh relax, there's like ten thousand stores in the mall!"  

"Actually, there are only 613 stores in the entire mall." Hoseok points out a matter of factly.  

You all look at him dumbfoundedly.  

Aaaand he just stares back at all of you.  

Is this some kind of trivia that you need to know if you work around here?  

Are you gonna have to memorise a lot of facts about the mall???  

Oh, you don't like that.  

Seokjin was the first one to react.  

"Dude?? What the hell?!"  

"I got bored once while I was on a break and counted."

Huh.  

Makes sense.  

Yeah, sure.  

Why not?  

Why wouldn't you just go and count the total number of stores out of boredom???  

…  

THAT WAS A SARCASTIC REMARK IF YOU DIDN'T GET IT.  

"Even if there are 600 stores here, there are only like, 20 good stores that exist!" Tae remarks   

You want to say you can't agree more but you stop yourself because you don't think you can handle another cold stare from Yoongi.  

"Are you perhaps pertaining to the high end stores?" Namjoon muses.  

"Yeah. What else?"  

Jimin's eyes widen in shock. "Hold on. So you two have only been looking at that small section of the entire mall?"  

"Yeah. Why?"  

Yoongi chuckles condescendingly.  

"Bros, you know that saying… 'Beggars can't be choosers'?" Hoseok tries to enlighten you two.  

You and Tae look at each other.  

What an epiphany.  

A very disgusting yet important epiphany.  

"Are you… Are you guys saying that… We need to find a job… Outside of that section??"  

They all nod.  

Ughhhhhhh  

You and Tae make an annoyed sound.  

"Welcome to the real world, peasants!" Seokjin warmly tells you.  

Could things get any worse?  

"Hey, at least we'll all be here together!"  

Ha ha 

Great . Awesome. Wow.

"Well, on that note, I really need to get back to work. Lady and gentlemen, may the odds be ever in your favour. Good luck!"  

Namjoon stands and walks away.  

One by one, the other working guys went back to work as well, leaving you unemployed slackers.  

Hey they didn't even give any actual help!  

Wasn't that the reason why Tae called for a… What did they call it?  

Code something something.  

Oh whatever!  

Anyways,  

So to summarize things  

You might end up working at an awful low end store.  

And you're unwillingly stuck with the wrong set of people.  

One of them is a total flirt and an actual pain to society.  

Another one might possibly hate you for unknown reasons.   

This tall dude seems to be really uptight.  

Then there's this guy that seems really weird.

The other one, well… He's cute and doesn't really have any negative points yet BUT you're sure something's wrong with him.   

And the last one literally said one thing during the entire time!  

Oh, you've got a really really long way before you can pay your dad.  

Good luck to you, indeed.   

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Please spill tea on Rachel/Joey as a romantic ship since I know you're with me on being one of the few who still ships Ross/Rachel!

This is a very strange ask for me to receive, since I’ve spoken about my like for Joey and Rachel as a romantic pairing in the past, even above Ross and Rachel (you may not have seen it because I tend to just rant in the tags of my posts haha, but you can see some of the things I’ve said in my Rachel/Joey tag here). Having said that, it is a topic that I go back and forth with because I see the positives of both ships and I like both for different reasons. However, this may go in a different direction than you expected since I do really like Joey and Rachel, so beware that this does contain some anti-Rosschel content, and it’s pretty long (sorry, I have a lot of thoughts on this).

On paper, Rachel and Joey are the perfect couple and I love their relationship on the show so much. They had such a respectful, loving and endearing friendship that was so beautiful. Even as I’m trying to sit here and think of the negative side to Rachel and Joey’s relationship, I can’t. It was so open, warm, trusting and sweet. Joey falling in love with Rachel is one of my favourite arcs on the entire show, because it’s so realistic and emotional. We’ve all had that moment at some point in our lives where we have a close friend who we’ve only ever thought of platonically but then something happens and we see them differently, whether it’s just for that one moment or whether it develops into something more like it did for Joey. I’ve never really seen it discussed before, but all of the characters on Friends developed over the seasons, except Joey. Who Joey is in season 1 is practically exactly who he is in season 10. Falling in love with Rachel is the only time we actually got to see a change in Joey. It was the first time he’d ever been in love so it was incredibly difficult for him to navigate those intense feelings anyway, but it was a million times harder because he was also dealing with the confusion and guilt of that person being Rachel who was pregnant with Ross’ child. How Joey handled himself throughout the situation was so beautiful to watch and made me fall in love with his character in an entirely new way. Here’s this guy who’s specifically known for being a womaniser and an immature bachelor, but he was mature, selfless and fair throughout the entire thing.

Joey falling in love with Rachel made perfect sense. He lived with her and was incredibly close to her, they got each other and had fun, and you could just perfectly see and understand why he would love her. In comparison to Ross, whose love for Rachel was just there from the beginning and mainly based on an infatuation he’d had since he was a child, Joey’s feelings for Rachel were incredibly complex. When Joey’s feelings for Rachel seemed to pass, I thought that was the end of it and then BAM, Rachel had her dream and suddenly she had feelings for Joey. This was the point at which I knew something had to happen, because two friends don’t both just develop feelings for each other out of nowhere, that has to mean something. Watching Rachel’s feelings for Joey develop wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as watching Joey’s (but that’s mainly because whenever Rachel has the slightest interest in someone she immediately becomes annoying to me), but again, it made sense to me. She was close to Joey, he was always there for her, she knew he had romantic feelings for her recently and hey, he’s an attractive dude!

The perfect basis was already in place for an amazing romance to develop between the two – they’d been best friends for 8 years, lived together for two(?) years, they had an attraction and a special bond - yet when it finally happened it just didn’t work. Every time I rewatch the show (and that’s a lot) I ask myself the same question about Joey and Rachel and that’s – why!? Why didn’t it work? Because it doesn’t make sense to me, but of course, that can be summed up in one word: Ross.

Ross and Rachel are that couple, aren’t they? They’re so iconic, everyone worldwide knows them and from the very beginning they just sucked everyone in. Nowadays I see people growing tired of the will-they-won’t-they trope because it’s so overdone, but when Friends was first airing, it reeled people in hook line and sinker. What really sells Ross and Rachel as a couple is Jennifer and David’s chemistry but also that intense passionate love that Ross and Rachel have. The problem is, that beyond this I do struggle to see what makes sense about Ross and Rachel. This is where you may want to stop reading if you’re a huge Ross/Rachel fan because it’s going to get a quite anti-Rosschel.

It starts off as a very one-sided relationship that is built upon Ross’ crush on Rachel that goes back to high school and by the time they do finally admit their feelings and get together, there’s just a series of endless arguments and break-ups which suggest it’s not a very healthy or happy relationship. From Ross’ perspective, in particular, I think his perception of Rachel and his relationship with her was incredibly distorted. All of their issues in season 3 are because of Ross’ insecurities, because he spent his high school years pining for a girl that was “out of his league”, once he was with her he was constantly afraid he would lose her and that led to possessive behaviour. What always sticks in my mind is the conversation they have about Rachel working too much and Ross expresses that he feels she has this entirely different life that he’s not a part of, and Rachel explains that she’s glad about that because she wants to have something in her life that is separate from him. She says that she’s scared but she’s happy because she’s out there in the world doing something for herself and she asks if he’s okay with that, which he replies yes, but then over her shoulder when they hug he says he’s not. Because Friends is a sitcom, comedy is injected into that scene, but it’s actually not very funny at all. What about what Rachel said is even slightly unreasonable? In most relationship’s an individual’s work is the only part of their life that is not intertwined with their partner and is the place where they can channel their passions and energies. Ross had his career at the museum which was clearly very important to him yet Rachel couldn’t have hers because that made him insecure. What’s even worse is when you think back to the list he made about Rachel, under the cons he listed “Just a waitress” as one of her cons, yet when she decided to break out of the coffee house and launch a career, he didn’t like it. So what did he want from her? Rachel always felt very much like an achievement to Ross rather than a person, particularly in the early seasons. I don’t necessarily want to pit the two relationships against each other but when you compare how well Joey knew Rachel and his opinion of her in comparison to Ross, there’s no comparison. Ross was in love with the idea of Rachel (I think as the seasons progressed he did fall in love with who she was more so), but it still didn’t feel like he really knew her and loved her for her. Proof of that can be seen by his negative reaction when she started to change and become her own person and establish a life for herself.

Having said that, there was an inexplicable pull between Ross and Rachel that brought them back together time and time again. They finally admitted their feelings to each other and got together in season 2, only to split up the same day because of the list Ross made, then they got back together later in the season after the prom video, then they took a break in season 3 (by this point they’d been in a relationship for total of 11 episodes), got back together in the next episode and broke up soon after when Rachel found out Ross slept with Chloe.10 episodes later, in season 4, they got back together at the beach house only to split up the next day because of the whole ‘we were on a break’ argument. Nothing much happened with them after that and they seemed to be moving on, until Ross met Emily and Rachel realised she still has feelings for him and went to England to stop the wedding but Ross said her name at the altar, so that ended in tears hah. Throughout season 5 Ross fights for his marriage and is insistent he loves Emily, whilst Rachel continues to pine for him. By the time we get to season 6, this is where they’ve both seemingly moved on from one another and then lo and behold, they get married in Vegas! After this Ross realises he has feelings for Rachel AGAIN, which seems to soon pass. In season 7, it seems like they’re moving on again until they wind up kissing after Monica and Chandler get engaged. Season 8 is of course the season where Rachel falls pregnant with Emma and from that point until the middle of season 9 when they’re living together and raising Emma, their relationship seems headed in the romantic direction once again. Then they decide their arrangement isn’t working so Rachel moves out and back in with Joey, and they go back to their own lives. That brings us to the end whereby they finally come to realise they want to be with each other in the finale. Wow, that’s one hell of a long and complicated relationship, right? But it perfectly displays the on-off nature of Rachel and Ross’ relationship and shows that even when they were supposedly over each other or moving on, they very quickly found each other again. What I never got about all of this is why it happened. I understand it up until around season 4, but past that I don’t. Why did Ross say Rachel’s name at his wedding? I don’t care what anyone says, at that time he was not in love with Rachel. He agreed to stop seeing Rachel to make his marriage with Emily work, for crying out loud. Also, why did Rachel continue to love a man that had made an immature pros and cons list about her when they first got together, was possessive and jealous when she got a job, fell into bed with the first woman he clapped eyes on when she told him they were on a break (I mean, who does that!?) and refused to accept responsibility for his actions or act with even the tiniest shred of maturity when presented with the chance of getting back together with her? What is it about this man are we supposed to believe makes him a man that Rachel is in love with? It doesn’t make sense. Neither does the fact that they randomly kiss and have sex for no reason what so ever other than the fact that they have before. When they have sex and Rachel gets pregnant with Emma, that literally happens because they’re both there and it’s easy because they’ve been together before and they know they’re in a place where emotionally they’re not attached, so they can treat it as a casual one-night stand.

But, back to Joey and Rachel, because that’s technically what this ask is supposed to be about rather than Ross and Rachel. I think in comparison to Ross and Rachel, whose relationship was incredibly rocky and problematic, Joey and Rachel had a much better build-up, a richer relationship and a more complex connection. The problem with Joey and Rachel is that the audience were already too invested in Ross and Rachel, for a Joey/Rachel romance to last long-term and the writers couldn’t fully let go of Ross and Rachel, no matter what they did. I’m not sure what the intentions with Rachel and Joey were or if the writers even intended for them to be the real deal and stay together, or if it was supposed to be brief like it was, but it certainly felt like they never fully committed to it. 

Again, what bothers me about this is that Rachel and Joey splitting up didn’t really make sense and neither did Ross’ reaction. Of course Ross was going to react strongly to finding out about them, but it really didn’t make sense to have Ross react the way he did unless he still had feelings for Rachel and/or was in love with her, which we were told he didn’t and there seemed to be no indication of anything to the contrary until that point. No matter how long your history is with someone or whether they’re the mother of your child, the fact was that Rachel was his ex, Ross had a girlfriend (Charlie) and as Ross himself pointed out, he and Rachel hadn’t been a couple in 6 years. So it didn’t really make sense for Ross to react that way. He and Rachel were exes, so what? They’d both moved on, Ross with Charlie, and Joey and Rachel deserved a shot. What also didn’t make sense is the way in which Rachel and Joey split up, since the issue they came upon again was completely fixable. A lot of people when transitioning from friends to romantic partners experience initial awkwardness. When Ross and Rachel first tried to have sex, Rachel couldn’t stop laughing, but they persevered because they knew they wanted to be together and it should’ve been the same for Joey and Rachel. They were clearly attracted to each other physically and they wanted to be together, so once they’d pushed through that barrier once, they would’ve been fine. The only reason they split up at that point is because the writers knew they couldn’t make it work after having invested so much time in Ross and Rachel. I really think if the writers and audience weren’t so fixated on Ross and Rachel, Joey and Rachel could’ve gone all the way. I also think if it had been a real life situation and not a show, Joey and Rachel would’ve lasted. There was absolutely no reason they wouldn’t last because they were incredibly compatible. Their relationship ended before it even began, I mean, they really didn’t even give it a chance at all and immediately afterwards it was completely swept under the rug as though it never happened. That’s something that will always bug me and is just proof that the writers wanted to try and erase Joey and Rachel because they wanted Ross and Rachel to be endgame. But the fact remains if they knew they wanted a Ross and Rachel endgame (which they clearly knew very early on) why did they decide to go down the Joey/Rachel route? It didn’t really make sense in that context. 

One thing I will say is that despite the seemingly anti-Rosschel sentiment of this, Ross and Rachel’s romantic chemistry always felt stronger than Joey and Rachel’s, and their relationship always felt much more natural. However, I put that down to the actors. I think because Jennifer and David were portraying a romantic relationship from rather early on, they fell into a natural rhythm but Jennifer and Matt were such good friends on and off-screen, that when they had to make that transition to a couple, it didn’t quite click. And I’m pretty sure even Matt and Jennifer themselves protested against them being a couple, claiming it was too weird because they were brother and sister, so clearly their hearts weren’t really in playing that relationship and I think that shows in their performances. So, it’s strange because in terms of writing, I’m all for Joey and Rachel, but in terms of the chemistry and the feeling of the couple, I’m all for Ross and Rachel. I also think that despite the problematic elements of Ross and Rachel’s relationship I mentioned above, they changed and developed and by the time they got back together in season 10 I think they were much more suited and ready for a proper relationship. A big part of the issue with their relationship in the early seasons is that Ross was in a completely different place to Rachel. Even in season 1 Ross is very together - he has an established career as a palaeontologist, he earns a decent wage, he has his own apartment in the city, he’s been married - but Rachel, in comparison, is just starting out in life. In season 1 she completely uproots herself and leaps into a world she’s never been part of, so by the time she and Ross get together she’s still adjusting to that huge change. She hasn’t built a life for herself yet and she hasn’t found what she enjoys or what her path is in life, but Ross is already sure in himself and that’s why Rachel freaks out when he starts talking about having kids and moving to Scarsdale. At that point, Rachel isn’t ready for any of that, she’s still trying to deal with having a part-time job at Central Perk and trying to decide where she goes from there. But by season 10 she’s established herself in an amazing career, she’s a mother and she’s grown so much and she’s finally right there with Ross and ready for all of that. As for Ross, by season 10 he’s realised that Rachel loves him and has chosen him so his insecurities shouldn’t be so much of a problem. So where Ross and Rachel start and where they end up is two vastly different places, and although I don’t like the way the journey was written, they earned that ending.

In comparison, Joey and Rachel just can’t compete with that. As sweet and well-developed as they were, they can’t compete with that magnetic pull between Rachel and Ross that continued for 10 years. Ross and Rachel had simply been built up too much for too long for Rachel and Joey to be able to swoop in at such a late point in the series and be endgame. Perhaps if certain things were different and Rachel hadn’t of had Emma, Rachel and Joey could’ve worked, but Ross and Rachel were too entwined to ever separate and I think if they’d ended up with other people and Rachel had ended up with Joey, somewhere deep down inside they would have always felt a sense of regret and “what if?” and I definitely think that would’ve cast a shadow on Rachel and Joey’s relationship if they’d stayed together.

To conclude this big muddle of a response, I really like Joey and Rachel together and see a lot of potential with them as a couple, but their romantic chemistry was lacking and dare I say it, even felt awkward at times, and they simply couldn’t get to the same place as Ross and Rachel. Ross and Rachel were written as being the love of each other’s lives and despite the messiness their relationship, I strongly believe their fate was sealed in TOW Prom Video and there was no coming back from that. 

[samwinlover-blog]

Probable Fear of Abandonment- Part 4

Part One Here Part Two Here Part Three Here

Pairing: Sam x reader Characters: Sam, Dean, the reader Warnings: happy endings!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)  Request: The reader and the Winchesters have hunted together for years, but when the reader is hospitalized and the Winchesters have to go save the world they leave her behind. The plan was for the separation to be temporary, but when the reader wakes up earlier than the doctors thought she would and sees the Winchesters gone, she thinks they left her. So, with both her heart and a few bones broken. she moves on with her life and starts hunting solo. Years later, fate will bring the three of them together again. On an impossible hunt, not only will the reader see her ex-boyfriend, Sam, but his brother again too! A/N: This took forever, I’m so sorry guys<3 Tag list:  @amanda-teaches@myplaceofthingsilove@spectaculicious@bambinovak@bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@padackles2010@mamaredd123@milkymilky-cocopuff@iwantthedean@zeppo-in-a-trenchcoat@spntrista@d-s-winchester@just-another-busy-fangirl@winchesterprincessbride@waywardjoy@supernaturalyobsessed@whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname@sandlee44@fangirl1802@kittenofdoomage@evyiione@winchestersmut@purgatoan@mogaruke@therewillbeblood@megansescape@taste-of-dean@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala@deathtonormalcy56@wildfirewinchester@notnaturalanahi@jensen-jarpad@impalaimagining@fangirlextraordinaire@itseverythingilike@jesspfly@love@mysteriouslyme81@mrswhozeewhatsis@aiaranradnay@supernatural-jackles@girl-next-door-writes @spnsasha @27bmm@spnfanficpond @amanda-teaches@myplaceofthingsilove@spectaculicious@bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@spn-imagines-to-feel@spn-ficfanatic​@cleverdame@saxxxology@jensen-jarpad@keepcalmandcarryondean gabriels-trix @gallifreyansass@raylin19 @missdestiel67 @spn-ficfanatic @lucyketch

Apparently looks could be deceiving, because the inside of the bunker was a fortress compared to the out. Hallways upon hallways wound through the structure, housing seemingly endless doors that led to seemingly endless rooms. The Winchesters kept it short; only showing you the kitchen, firing range, garage, living room and a bit of the basement, but you knew there was a lot you missed. The tour ended back where it started, in the kitchen, with Dean hovering next to you and Sam keeping his distance near the refrigerator. 

He’d been reserved the entire day. Always keeping his distance, walking behind you and Dean while you explored the bunker, little things like that which were so out of the ordinary for the Sam Winchester you knew. While Dean hadn’t left your side since he first laid eyes on you, his brother was the polar opposite. And you knew exactly why. 

Sam hadn’t changed a bit, and that age-old self blame he’d never stop harvesting had manifested itself. He was such a great guy, an amazing guy, but you knew he hated himself for what had happened. So at the end of the day, after the three of you had talked and caught up for hours, you decided to say something- instead of letting him suffer in silence like he was content to do. 

“Sam,” You walked over to where he was seated after Dean finally left the room, “Talk to me.”

The moment you say down his eyes lit up like Christmas trees, “Hey, um, yeah, what’s up?” 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

“What, uh,” A small, tense laugh, “What do you mean?” 

You paused for a moment, weighing what you were about to say. It would be abrupt, it would be blunt, and it would undoubtedly wreak chaos upon your little universe. But even then, fully realizing the gravity of it all, you took a deep breath and said it anyways, “I mean what’s going on with us, Sam? You’ve barely said a work to me since we got here, you’re using Dean as a buffer, and I don’t know what to think about any of it.” 

He sucked in a breath, eyes going soft with what you could have sworn was remorse, before he said quietly, “You were the love of my life….” 

His words hit you in a way nothing Rob said ever could have. 

Maybe it was insane, maybe even a little bit toxic, but in that moment, you fell in love with him all over again. All of the memories, the laughs, the long nights spent curled together in the back of the Impala, and you wanted it all back. 

You didn’t trust your sister anymore, how could you after what she’d done? All of the harm she’d caused? And truth be told, you missed it. Hunting. The thrill of it all. 

You wouldn’t even try to lie to yourself: ever since you settled down, you’d had this itch under your skin, this gaping hole where your life with the Winchesters had once been. All you’d wanted to do was run wild, kill demons, and drink whiskey with your best friends on earth. 

But they’d been gone, so over time you’d convinced yourself that you were okay with having such a cookie cutter life. Rob had been a replacement for Sam, you finally understood that. He was the polar opposite of the man you actually loved, and fit perfectly into your cushy, new world. 

You blinked, realizing you’d been staring at him while you thought, “I-I, you were the love of my life too.” 

When he didn’t respond you chewed your lip a bit before continuing, “And I miss you- hunting with you, j-just being with you and Dean generally. I miss it so god damn much, Sam. And I just cant, I can’t believe that, my sister- my sister would keep me away from the two of you for years. I just…..” 

Your voice trailed off when you felt it begin to wobble, and instead of finishing your love-soaked rant, you just looked up at him instead- searching for some type of confirmation. 

And you got it in the form of thick crocodile tears leaking down his face. 

“I still love you,” He blurted suddenly, probably not fully realizing what he said until he saw the shock so clearly written on your face. 

But before you could respond, Dean burst through the door, “We got a nest of vamps just South of Oklahoma. Seems pretty bad- Bobby wants us there ASAP.” 

The information begged the obvious question: what were you going to do? Both of the Winchesters were looking at you to answer, to make your own decision. So you just shrugged and said, “I’m coming with you guys.” 

Dean didn’t seem opposed, but he did ask, “What about your sister? What about your life?” 

“Fuck it,” You replied, shrugging again before angling yourself towards the both of them, “I’ll tell you all about it on the car ride up. But long story short: all I want to do right now is kill some vamps and get drunk with the two of you. So if you’ll have me-” 

Just as your voice began to trail off, Sam straightened and cut you off, “We’ll have you.” A small smile formed on his face, “We’ll definitely have you.” 

You him a soft smile in return, and noticed Deans shoulders sag as he groaned, “Oh god not this again.” 

“What?” You and Sam said in near unison. 

“The two of you- with your gross, kissy, flirty, gross-ness.” He rolled his eyes and ran a hand over his face in mock disgust. 

You’d forgotten about that aspect of your relationship with Sam- how the two of you used to piss off Dean. It had started out as little things, like a peck on the cheek while he was in the room, or overly-mushy comments just to make Dean uncomfortable. But over time it had progressed into full on hilarity, as things usually did when the three of you were together. It even got to the point where Sam would grab your ass right in front of his brother, just to see how red it would make him. 

Just after Dean said it, Sam seemed to understand too. Because instead of making things tense, or awkward, he just rolled his eyes and said, “No promises.” 

“Chuck save me,” Dean grumbled before heading to his room to pack, and leaving the two of you alone once again. 

“God, I missed that.” You sighed and inched closer to Sam, feeling him do the same. 

“What?” 

“Making Dean sweat,” You laughed and he put a hand to his face to suppress a smile, “Oh my god, remember how red he used to get??” 

“We were so mean!” 

“Okay you were the meanest,” He countered, shaking his head while his shoulder shook from laugher, “By far,” 

You hit his chest and felt a smile of your own creeping on, “No way! You’re the one who used to initiate full on make-out sessions in the kitchen!” 

“Okay yeah,” He shrugged and shook his head, “That’s fair. I did used to do that.” 

Silence fell, but it was short lived. Since the theme of the day with you two seemed to be blunt, brutal, honesty, you decided to hold nothing back, “So what’s happening with us?” 

“(Y/N), I love you,” He ran a hand through his hair before reaching down and finding your own, “I’ve known that since the day I met you, but let’s take it slow. See what happens. The job’s crazy and- okay don't take this the wrong way- but you haven't hunted in years. And it's not exactly like riding a bike.....so we'll take it slow. Get used to being around each other all the time and see what happens then?"

 "Hmmm," You hummed, squeezing his hand before pecking him once on the cheek and saying, "I think I can live with that."  

[sambashua]

orange sherbet

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEEPY @chipsandwaffles ??? what url to tag tbh well your birthday is tomorrow but ! here it is~ enjoy this shit show and congrats on being old:D thanks for being a great friendo!

Basically Doyoung works in an ice cream parlor and it’s really cheesy and cliche but the shop is based on the one they went to for the boy video if you want reference i guess❁ this is just...actually 2k words worth of pure trash

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you made your way home from university. Another long day of classes left you tired, cranky and, of course, hungry.

Ducking between tiny patches of shade to avoid the beating sun did little to help in the relentless humidity, and you sped up to make the stoplight.

As expected, you just barely missed it.

While you huddled in a sliver of shade cast by the traffic light, you spotted a colorful shop out of the corner of your eye. It couldn’t hurt to take a quick peek before the light turned again right?

As you inch closer you can see the delicate pink paint and large windows decorated with neon signs that reveal an inviting ice cream parlor. You glance over your shoulder to check the light, and after ensuring it was still red, you slip inside the glass door.

The rush of cool air was enough to knock you off your feet, but you merely stumbled in from the humid air. You faintly register the delicate ring of a bell signaling your entrance.

An overwhelmingly sweet scent clung to the air and enveloped you in a blanket of icy sugar.

The shop was empty, which could be expected on a late Thursday afternoon in that heat, and surprisingly small. A metallic counter took up the majority of the space with shorter counters along the windows lined with seats.

Just as you were mustering up the strength to go back outside and brave the heat once more, a door behind the counter swung open and a beautiful boy stepped out.

Well not a boy, a young man? He looked to be near the same age as you. Just as you were about to run out to avoid having to interact with a real person, he spoke up.

“Hi! can I help you?”

Instead of letting you respond he listed out the day’s specials and gestured to the different cup sizes all while smiling brightly. Your mind cranked, trying to string together enough words to form some sort of coherent sentence in your overheated and sleep-deprived state, but the ice cream boy prattled on.

“So you could get one flavor or a mix of two for the same amount!” his voice dropped and he leaned closer and cupped a hand around his mouth. “I can even throw in three flavors if you want. It’s been a super slow day and I’m the only employee here.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he was off again, running his mouth at an impressive speed.

Damn does this kid ever stop talking?

His sentence trailed off as he tried to explain how every flavor was made in-house and their ingredients were imported from the finest blah blah.

“I’m so sorry, ah, my friends always tell me I ramble when I-“ he blurted out awkwardly.

Your jaw slacked when you realized why he changed topics, “Oh, shit did I say that out loud? Fuck- shoot sorry for cursing.”

He shook his head and laughed a bit at your equally flustered state, “I’m Doyoung by the way. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before?”

You offered your name in return and shrugged, “I guess I’ve never noticed it.”

The growl of your stomach echoed above the soft music playing, reminding you that you had places to be.

Doyoung smiled again (or had he ever stopped?), offering his services once more.

Choosing your favorite flavor and sitting at the window, he settled down beside you and continued to strike up conversation. Or rather, continued to babble as you listened. He was so damn cute you didn’t even mind.

“Really, do you ever take a breath?” you teased.

“Usually no one has anything interesting to say,” he shot back.

You rolled your eyes and shifted your weight so you faced away from him to continue eating your ice cream.

You could sense Doyoung’s pout before you turned to look. His lips sunk down at the corners with eyebrows furrowed above sad, dark (and cute) eyes. Despite yourself, you felt a tug at your stupid heart.

His face returned to a blinding smile as you punched his arm and told him to go on.

“You’re cute when you’re annoyed,” he said.

❁

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you made your way to Doyoung’s ice cream parlor, like every afternoon after your classes.

The bounce in your steps reflected your excitement to see the talkative boy. But you’d never let him know that. His ego was already big enough. You simply pretend you need a place to escape the heat and your obnoxious roommates.

Although you’d never admit it, your daily visits to the shop were the highlight of your day.

After sitting at the corner near the window all afternoon studying and savoring the ice cream flavor of the day, you now perched atop the counter beside the cash register and watched Doyoung count the money and rush around the shop clearing surfaces, sweeping and straightening every last chair.

“You know this would go a lot faster if you helped,” your friend complained.

You scoffed. “You’re the one getting payed Dodo! And I’m busy.”

He rolled his eyes are you turned back to tapping away at your phone. That didn’t keep you from stealing glances at him and smirking to yourself.

A soft laugh escaped you as he bumped his head as he tried to stand after reaching a paper underneath a table.

He turned sharply and pointed a finger, “Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, punk.”

One hand instinctively slapped over your mouth and you saluted with the other. “Yes, sir!” you said with your eyes still crinkled in amusement.

❁

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you hurried to the parlor, later than usual.

Upon entering the shop one afternoon, you registered Doyoung wore a baseball cap which partially covered his orange (;)))) hair that you’d definitely need to steal later. You also noticed that the usually quiet store bustled with movement.

Nearly twenty boys crowded around the small counter, practically blocking Doyoung from view. Dodging elbows and shoulders, you narrowly managed to squeeze through the throng and darted behind the counter to hide behind the safety of Doyoung and the cash register until the group dispersed.

Instead of the look of stress you expected to see etched on Doyoung’s soft features, you saw a look of calm and even… anticipation?

“Y/N!” Doyoung grabbed your wrist before you could reach the alcove between the wall and the freezer and pulled you into his side. “See, guys? I told you I had a girlfriend!”

“Gir-?!” Doyoung quickly pinched your bicep with the arm he had wrapped around your shoulders, cutting you off.

“Can you believe these dorks thought I could never find a girl to tolerate me long enough to date me, babe?” Before you make a second exclamation he continued on. “Y/N, these are my friends from my uni club I told you about? Remember?”

You leafed through your memory and vaguely recalled one of Doyoung’s long rants involving the boys in his performance group teasing him often.

Playing along, you wrapped your arms loosely around his waist and nuzzled your head into his chest.

Fuck he smelled so good.

“Doyoungie, why didn’t you introduce me to your friends earlier?” you whined and put on a pouty gaze to look up at his chin.

You felt him exhale a breath and smile proudly. He owed you, like, at least five free ice creams.

Doyoung tried his best to introduce all his friends but the seemingly endless smiling faces began to blur together. You vaguely remembered a Mark and a few J names and a Tae-something? It didn’t matter much because Doyoung looked so happy to be talking with his friends. Your hand fisted into the fabric of his shirt as you saw a grin light up his face and adorably crinkled his eyes. Fuck.

The tallest boys smiled broadly, “I’m so glad you finally got together with Y/N, Doyoung. You haven’t shut up about her for months!”

You couldn’t stop your jaw from dropping, but, luckily, Doyoung’s hand was right there to shut your damn mouth.

❁

As soon as Doyoung closed the shop door behind the last of them, he turned on his heel and looked at you grimly. Your foot tapped rhythmically on the tile and you crossed your arms expectantly. Doyoung offered a sheepish (ha) grin and laughed breathily.

“Heyyyy-“ he scratched the back of his neck, while drawling on. “Hmm… wasn’t that something…”

“Oh, so now you have nothing to say?” you asked with raised eyebrows.

He looked anywhere but at you, and made a move to the register, but you stepped in his path. With a quirk of your head he stopped mere centimeters away. His proximity almost made you want to catch your breath and step down and drop your questions. Almost.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Y/N,” he lifted his cap to run a hand through his hair, still avoiding eye contact. “I have to close up the shop.”

You scowled as he tried to move past you one more time. A hand on his chest froze him in his tracks.

“Doyoung, I swear to fuck. Fucking talk to me, you loser.” You couldn’t keep the scowl on your face from turning into a pout as he finally looked into your eyes.

“Why hadn’t you just told me to act as your girlfriend or whatever before? You could have given me a heads up!” you said.

Doyoung let out a sigh and his hand ran along the back of his neck, “I just-” he paused. “I just didn’t know how you would take it… I don’t know it’s dumb. I’m sorry.”

“Doyoung, it’s no big deal really I don’t-”

“It’s a big deal to me!” he cut off sharply.

You took half a step back in surprise. Why was he so worked up about this? But you let your hand fall that you hadn’t even noticed was still rested on his chest. He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes slowly. His face scrunched up and he let out a long sigh.

“I just, fuck. I really like you, Y/N. Okay? But I don’t want to make things weird between us, so I act like everything we do isn’t a big deal even though I think about every second we spend together and think about how it would be different if I could just kiss you or hold your hand or tell you how much I like you. I want to grab your face and tell you how fucking cute you are when you pout or when you get mad at me or when you’re studying or watching me work while you pretend to be on your phone. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me when you make me laugh or how much joy you’ve brought into my dumb life when you walked into this stupid store. But I don’t want to do anything because you just think I’m a loser and a weirdo and I-”

You cut him off abruptly by pressing your own lips roughly against his and unabashedly throwing your arms around his neck.

The force of your sudden act caught Doyoung off balance, and caused a chair to topple over loudly. But he somehow was able to keep upright, and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“You are a weirdo, you loser.” You breathlessly managed once you broke apart. “But that’s why I like you, too.”

Doyoung smiled so brightly heart began to swell with joy.

He brought your lips to his again.

[mab-hatter]

Don’t judge a Book by its cover.

You know the society you live in is really fucked up, when a stranger can judge another person based off of their portrayal of and them relating to a fictional character; when ALL the evidence points against them being a bad person and more likely you not knowing what you're talking about.

That a person whose shown to be selfless, kind, hard-working, funny and humble can be debased by some fuckers pathetically cruel and idiotically nasty take - cause they think they know best due to his personality not conforming with societies boring bullshit and him acting differently towards people cause he's doing his job and getting into character to give us the best performance possible, just cause he's not being happy go lucky with every single person on set (even though Adam 'I hate hugs' Driver allowed John to continue hugging him even though he must have felt uncomfortable) especially the OT actors like Mark cause you're a die-hard "fan" and can't imagine why somebody wouldn't... ugh.

There's a reason Adam has social anxiety, and went/goes through depression, that he's humble to the point of being heartbreakingly self-deprecating or that he doesn't like physical contact- it's judgmental fuckers like the ones going against every great thing the SW cast has said about him and in general what the themes of SW actually are - just cause they can't get their ignorant heads out of their own backsides. It's not a hat honey. It's sickening, and disgusting, and it doesn't just happen to Adam, but so many other people too. My friend's little brother is autistic, and he is one of the smartest most awesome little lads I've ever had the pleasure of knowing - yet people treat him differently just because he's different from them - it makes me so angry sometimes, and sad.

I don't like hugs, I'm introverted, I'd prefer an interesting book and a good cup of tea over conversing with other people most days; I don't need to explain myself just to satisfy peoples self-righteous egos nor do they have a right to judge me - a person they know fuck all about or why I am the way I am.

It has become normal in our society for us to have to explain ourselves on anything and everything we say or do. Why the fuck should we have to explain ourselves? What right do you have to judge us? People, not all, have lost the ability to respect their fellow human, that we are complex creatures and you must first learn before you judge - otherwise it's just a cycle of judgment and segregation and misinterpretation...it leads to walls between people, this can lead to hate and we all know where that leads to...suffering.

Until I was about 7, I didn't actually know that racism, or sexism, or homophobia or discrimination or anything like that existed. It never crossed my mind, I'd always treated everyone equally and I never judged somebody on their skin color or their sexual preference/gender or the way they acted - I'm not saying I was perfect, cause I'm not believe me - I'm just saying those things weren't concepts to me, they never crossed my mind. I found out through a history lesson on the Holocaust. Yeah. It left me baffled, asking why are humans seemingly so eager to hate one another for reasons that seemed so pointless to me? I'm still baffled to this day.

Star Wars especially has always been about hope, forgiveness and most importantly love. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. It's about people coming together, about transcending those walls, and finding hope there in the darkness of our own reality. It's fiction, yes, a story - but to every story there is always some truth. Our spec of time in infinity is not worth wasting on pettiness and judgmental hate. I know I'm a nobody, that my voice is just a soundless plea echoing into the endless void, but please. PLEASE. don't be a puppet of ignorance. Our lives are our own stories and in the most basic way possible what I'm trying to say is...

Don't judge a book by its cover.  

-  

If you got to the end of this little rant of mine, bless you for having the patience to deal with my tired queer mind. I don't know I just thought about all the stuff going around about Adam being creepy and BS assumptions of Adam from the VF interviews, and my sadness at the hate from some antis in the tags (especially as a Reylo shipper), and needed to just release my inner rantersaurus-rex. So thank you, and I hope you took something from this that wasn't 'wtf is this weirdo going on about?' X) and I hope you have a lovely day and know that for all the hate in the world, there will always, ALWAYS, be people who understand and are kind. Damn that was some heavy shit, sorry guys I'm not usually like that, lmao. 

May the force be with you. 

[gateruner]

Episode Tag - 7.19 “Puka ‘Ana”

Okay, so this is a small episode tag I wrote for Kono following the latest episode.  I really feel like there is a larger story there.  Something from her own past that fueled such a strong reaction from her.

Anyway, it’s totally un-beta’ed and I may decide to write more.  But for now, here goes.....  Oh and there is a possible Danny/Kono Surf N Turf feel to the end if you turn your head just right ;)

Kono entered the house quietly, trying to keep the noise to a minimum as she divested herself of her keys, badge, and sidearm.  Once the gun was safely put away she moved towards the kitchen.  

The moon was full that night, giving enough illumination to move about easily in the cramped space.  She was tired.  So very tired as she opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.  She closed her eyes for a moment, images flashing through her mind, the past, the present, all of it blurring together in a seemingly endless montage.

Her hand began to throb, fingers twitching as the lidocaine continued to wear away, leaving the dull ache of the stitches and lacerations.  She hissed as she worked to stretch her fingers, the muscles beginning to tighten and burn against the strain.  

She slid the small bottle of pain killers from her pocket, downing one with a large gulp of water.  

He said he would do to her what he was doing to me....

Kono shook her head, her mind still reliving the days events.

You know, fifteen is a rough age for a girl.  I mean you’re awkward and insecure, you don’t think you’re smart enough, pretty enough, or popular enough. And then suddenly someone pays some attention to you... sends you a nice message or some compliments.... suddenly you feel like somebody gets you... like they care.

A harsh sob escaped her lips and Kono brought her good hand to her mouth, hoping to muffle the sound and not awaken her husband.  Adam was sound asleep in the other room, she was sure of it.  Otherwise he would have already found her in the kitchen, asking how her day had been.  It was a conversation she wasn’t ready to have with him.  Not then. Maybe not ever.

He said he loved me and I believed him...

Kono took a deep breath, steadying herself against the counter as she tried to control her emotions.  

For so long Kono thought she had dealt with what happened.  Had moved on beyond the entire experience. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but after searching for Moani and finding Kelsey beaten and tied up in a closet it all came crashing down around her.

She was pretty sure the guy at the stoplight would be filing a complaint, one that Steve would likely make disappear.  But it didn’t stop her from feeling ashamed at her outburst.  She was better than that, wasn’t she?  

I know it’s not a good thing for a cop to get angry.  To get emotional.  But I can’t help it.

Kono thought about Emilio.  Thought about all the horrible things he’d done to those girls.  How he’d preyed on their vulnerabilities.  Used their insecurities to his advantage.  It made her physically sick when she thought about things Kelsey told her.  The stories she recalled about the endless number of John’s she’d been forced to service.  The sick and depraved acts she’d been forced to submit to.

The one thing she hadn’t been sorry for was the beatdown she’d given Emilio once they’d tracked him down.  She had wanted him so badly.  Wanted to give him a taste of the pain and humiliation he had caused those girls.  To show him that she wasn’t a weak and vulnerable girl that he seemed to enjoy preying upon.  

She could still hear the crack of his shoulder and ribs as she inflicted one painful strike after another.  And once he’d crumbled to the ground she couldn’t stop swinging her fist.  One fierce punch after another.   One for Moani.  One for Kelsey.  One for each and every other girl.  And one for her.

She forced herself to stop.  To walk away.  Beating up Emilio wasn’t going to change her past, no matter how cathartic each blow felt.  No, she needed to get some distance.  Even as her Boss eyed her, telling him the guy had a knife, she knew knew she needed to step away before she did something far worse.

Kono felt the stream of hot tears begin to run down her cheeks.  All of the embarrassment and shame churning in her gut.  The problem was she couldn’t decipher what was from the past or from that day.  

Please, please don’t tell my Dad what they did to me.  I don’t want him to know.  

She closed her eyes as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.  Her own father had never believed her that day.  Never understood what she had been desperately trying to convey to him.  

Is it possible to come back from something like this?

Kono took another deep breath.  She knew things could have been so much worse.  Not just for her on that fateful day, but for the other girls.  At least Moani and Kelsey were safe now, but at what cost?  Their lives would never be the same again.  

Kono pulled out her phone, noting the time.  It was extremely late, or extremely early, depending on your point of view.  She did a quick calculation of the time difference before deciding that Danny would most likely be awake now.  Probably enjoying a cup of coffee, reading the paper, already ranting about some story or headline.  

Kono shook her head, her finger hovering over his contact information for a moment. She gave a sad smile in the darkness as she considered calling her friend. It wasn’t something she was ready to discuss with Adam.  Not now.  Maybe not ever.  But Danny would understand. He would get it. In fact, if Danny had been there, they might have fought over who got to punch the guy first.  

She gave a small nod as she tapped on the contact.  It only rang twice before Danny answered, the concern evident in his voice as he spoke her name, “Kono? Hey babe, is everything alright?”

Kono knew he would have done the math, known how late it was for her to be calling.  She gave herself a mental kick before clearing her throat, “Hey, no it’s nothing like that.  I was still up and figured you would be too.”  She paused before she blew out a shaky breath, “It was just.... one of those days, you know?”

Kono felt her eyes fill with tears again as she breathed into the phone.  She could heard the rustling of the newspaper and the familiar clink of a coffee cup before she heard his voice, “Tell me.”

- The End