#so soz for any typos

[karajaynetoday]

nothing's going right, and everything's a mess, and no one likes to be alone | jack hughes

author's note: don't ask me how the university semester timeline in this works. i have simply given reader a three week break in march bc why not. this is fanfiction okay, anything can happen 😂 no one proofread this for me so soz for any typos!

word count: 3.4k words

warnings: none that i can think of? but lmk if i've missed anything. soz if the ending makes you mad LOL i do love a cliffhanger

read part one here

read part two here

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here (soz that the masterlist is not up to date lol) | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here

Somehow, the ill feeling of waiting until summer to see Jack again began to fade with each passing day. The itch to text him every time something exciting or infuriating happened to you began to lessen. The thoughts of him when you saw a funny meme he’d like, or your shared favourite foods on special at the grocery store, quietly stopped happening as frequently. 

But then there were the things that didn’t stop. The sharp pain in your chest whenever Jack’s smiling face popped up on your social media feed. The butterflies in your stomach whenever your parents brought him up in conversation, fuelled by whatever the latest updates were from their group message thread with Jim and Ellen. The joy that would wash over you when you heard about a Devils win or a Jack Hughes goal, followed almost always by a wave of sadness that you were hearing about it second or third hand, rather than from Jack himself.

You were the one who’d asked for space. You needed time, you’d said. Given the blow up of All-Star weekend, all Jack was doing was respecting your wishes; but a huge part of you not so secretly wished he’d be a bit more disrespectful and reach out. Your mind was a mess of conflicting thoughts, and your heart wasn’t sure which emotion to feel or where to go next. 

Since kindergarten, you’d barely gone more than a few days without seeing or communicating with Jack in some way. Now you were nearly a month without a word, and even though you were still mad at how he’d treated you, you were craving a return to the friendship you’d become so accustomed to. Jack knew you better than anyone, could basically read your mind with a single look, and although you had plenty of friends at college and still around in Toronto from high school, none came close to the camaraderie you shared with Jack. He was someone you could talk to for hours, or sit next to in silence for the same amount of time, it didn’t matter. With Jack, you could be utterly and entirely yourself, no complications. Now it felt like you were always pretending. And it was exhausting.

It was about 9pm on a Thursday night when you found yourself pushing through that exhaustion to try and complete yet another university assignment. For motherfucking economics. You couldn’t wait until you’d completed all of your compulsory economics credits because it was the absolute opposite of your cup of tea, when it came to academic subjects. This assignment was your last one, and you weren’t sure whether to cheer or cry at the idea of hitting the submit button on the online portal. Maybe you should’ve bought a confetti cannon to celebrate. Or a box of wine. Or booked yourself a flight somewhere fun, given you had a break from classes soon.

As soon as the thought of a trip crossed your mind, your phone began to buzz with an incoming video call. A video call from… Luke. Luke Hughes. 

Your face scrunched in confusion, as you swiped to answer the call, met with Luke’s smiling face and messy curls. 

“Hey sunshine! Long time no see. How have you been?” Luke spoke cheerily. Almost too cheerily. 

You were immediately suspicious and narrowed your eyes at the youngest Hughes. 

Luke was 3 years old when you met for the first time; he could barely remember a life without you in it. Given how inseparable you and Jack were, Luke became your de facto little brother, always tagging along where he could and joining in your adventures. Later on, when he became a teenager, you were the one Luke would come to when he was having issues with his friends, or trying to build up the courage to ask out the cute girl in his math class, or missing his brothers when they moved away. You were his second call after Ellen when he felt homesick at Michigan, and you were his first call when he had fucked up something that he felt his brothers would never let him live down. Emotional support and damage control, with a healthy dose of teasing and laughs thrown in. That was the dynamic between you and Luke. It also meant you could read him to filth when he was lying to you, and your honesty radar was through the roof at this sudden video call.

“I’m fine, Moose. Just trying to wrap up my final assignment before the break without losing my entire mind.” You offered weakly, half-expecting Luke to make a joke about your mind having been lost years ago, but the joke never came.

Instead, you saw the concern flicker across Luke’s face, just for a moment, before he forced a smile.

“How long is your break for? Any plans?”

“Three weeks, and not really. I promised my mother I’d spend a few days helping her with planning for their anniversary party in June, but that probably won’t happen until right before I go back to school.” You chatted absently, hitting save on your essay and standing up from the couch, bringing your phone with you as you moved into the kitchen to make yourself a drink.

You propped the phone up against the vase on your kitchen bench, reaching up into the cabinet to retrieve a glass. 

“Well, you should come visit. We’ve got like 5 home games in a row or something ridiculous coming up. It’d be fun!” Luke’s tone was cheerful, but cautious, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to react. 

You hummed in response, moving slightly out of view of your phone to get some ice cubes from your freezer and a soda from the fridge. 

“Besides, I heard a rumour that you’ve got an airline voucher to use. I’d hate for it to expire or something.” 

You could feel your heart starting to beat faster. Luke knew about the voucher. Did that mean Jack had told him about your fight? 

“The voucher won’t expire for three years. I’m sure I’ll manage to use it before then.” You deadpanned, stepping back into frame to see Luke rolling his eyes at you. 

“Yeah, sure, but will I survive that long without seeing you? Absolutely not. Come on, sugar. Please? Even if it’s just a weekend?” Luke had moved into full begging mode, with puppy dog eyes and everything.

You sighed, fidgeting with the straw in your drink and avoiding his gaze. 

“I don’t… we haven’t talked at all, Luke. I don’t know what he’ll do if I just show up there.” You half-whispered, feeling that all-too-familiar wave of sadness coursing through your veins. 

“He talked about you tonight at dinner. Says he misses you. But he doesn’t want to push, or not give you the space you wanted. But right now, he’s on the couch watching Gossip Girl, so…” Luke stated matter-of-factly, staring you down with a knowing look on your face.

Gossip Girl was something you’d insisted Jack get into when you were teenagers, as long as he “wanted to be called your official best friend”. And The OC. And Gilmore Girls. And One Tree Hill. And basically any other teen drama series you could think of. Collectively, those shows had thousands of episodes, and you always found yourself settling down to watch them whenever you were missing Jack more than usual. You’d never realised before that he did the same.

“Should… should we tell him I’m coming? I don’t want him to get upset by a bad surprise.” 

“Not at all, sugar. Book the flight and send me the details, I’ll sort out the rest.” Luke’s beaming smile made a smile of your own creep onto your face, as you nodded at him and went to retrieve your laptop from the couch to log onto the airline website.

“Now that that’s sorted, I was wondering, what does it mean when a girl asks me what my sun, moon and rising are? Should I be worried? Or is it a good thing?”

– 

Two days later, you were done with your semester and on your way to the airport. Luke had suggested you book a one-way flight, “That way, you can go home whenever you like!”, but you were starting to feel like the whole thing was a mistake. 

Nonetheless, you pushed through those feelings and boarded your flight. The whole ordeal took less than two hours, and soon enough you found yourself navigating the arrivals area at Newark airport. You spotted Luke’s lanky figure, clad in a Michigan sweatshirt, with his back to you. You couldn’t help but creep up on him and poke his side, cracking up with laughter as Luke jumped at least three feet into the air. He’d always been the easiest to scare, ever since you were kids. 

Luke cussed you out, and then pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. 

“Missed your face, sugarplum.” Luke murmured, as you pulled away from each other and he rested his hands on your shoulders, studying you. 

“Aw, Lukey. I’d say I’d missed yours too, but we really gotta do something about that hair.” You poked your tongue out as the youngest Hughes brother’s jaw dropped in mock offense. 

You retrieved your bag from the luggage carousel, and headed out to where Luke had parked. The two of you fell into easy conversation as Luke navigated through the New Jersey streets back to the apartment he shared with Jack. 

You managed to bury most of the nerves, but they came bubbling back to the surface when Luke pulled into the parking garage at the bottom of his building.

“Is… um… Is Jack home? Alone?” You managed to squeak out, and Luke looked at you like you were crazy. 

Ever since All-Star weekend, you’d been having a recurring nightmare about Jack and the girl from the messages you’d accidentally become privy to. In particular, it was a scenario where you would come home from wherever you’d been out, and opened the apartment door to find them… entangled, on every possible surface you could think of. You felt yourself starting to feel ill as the images from your nightmares started to flash back into your mind. 

“He’s alone. Ever since… ever since he came home early from All-Star, he’s been alone. None of the… usual visitors have been over. And he hasn’t been going to theirs, either. Not even when we’re on a roadie.” Luke said carefully, and you could tell he was trying not to upset you.

You could also tell that he was being honest. Because you could always tell when he was lying. But your mind was running a million miles a minute. Jack hadn’t… for a month? Because of his fight with you? You loved Jack, but you also knew (despite wishing that you didn’t know at all) that it had been years since he’d gone that long without intimacy. In fact, it was probably the longest since losing his virginity that Jack hadn’t fulfilled his desires. 

Your mind was starting to wander into the gutter, and you pressed your eyes closed to bring yourself back to Earth. All you could do was nod at Luke, before you both hopped out of the car and into the elevator. Luke insisted on carrying your luggage, so you found yourself fidgeting incessantly with your hands as the elevator climbed to the correct floor. 

You trailed behind Luke as he strode towards the apartment door and unlocked it, stepping inside and putting your bag down. He looked back and waved you into the apartment, pressing a finger to his lips. You tiptoed across the doorway, and your heart softened at the scene before you. 

You could see the back of Jack’s head leaned up against the couch, and an episode of Gilmore Girls playing on the TV mounted on the wall. In fact, it was one of your favourite episodes; where Jess comes back and shows Rory the book he wrote, and calls her out for dropping out of Yale. You smiled ruefully as you thought about the parallels between that episode and your current situation with Jack, as the argument between Jess and Rory played out on the screen.  

What do you mean?

You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you!

… 

This isn't you! This! You going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!

You caught him on a bad night.

This isn't about him! Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

I don't know. I don't know…

“Are we Team Jess or Team Rory this time, Jacky?” Luke called out, making you jump. 

“Team Jess all the way, obviously. Where have you bee-” Jack stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to face his brother, and instead saw you in the middle of his living room.

Jack’s face was a revelation. Confusion, at first. Then the briefest flash of hurt and anguish. Then a smile. Then caution and uncertainty, as he slowly stepped towards you. 

You let a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, and quickly moved across the room, clumsily throwing your arms around your best friend. You felt Jack freeze momentarily, almost as if he was shocked at your touch, but that soon passed and you felt his hands slide around your waist and squeeze, bringing your bodies as close together as possible. 

You nestled your head on Jack’s shoulder, breathing in his scent. His thumbs softly rubbed up and down your side, and you felt him press a soft kiss into your hair. You stayed like that for a minute, or maybe longer, relaxing into the embrace.

The sound of the apartment door slamming shut made you jolt, and you rolled your eyes as you realised that Luke had tried to sneak way unnoticed and failed miserably. 

“Hi.” Jack whispered, pulling back from you slightly but keeping his hands locked around you. 

“Hi.” You whispered back, reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

“Is it still shit hair? Or better now it’s longer?” Jack teased, rolling his tongue between his teeth.

“Better. But only slightly.” You teased back, your hands slipping down to the back of his neck comfortably. 

The warmth of the surprise arrival was starting to fade. The dread you’d felt over addressing your fight with Jack was starting to set in, fast. The guilt you felt for being the catalyst for over a month for not speaking to your best friend was washing over you. Your heart rate was through the roof, and your palms were beginning to sweat. 

Jack sensed your change in mood, and pulled away from you to look you up and down.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to shower? Or take a nap?” He was nervous, too.

“I ate before my flight. And showered this morning. And it’s 11am, so I think I’m good on the nap front. But I do think we should… we should talk. About everything.” You were basically tripping over your words at this point, but Jack’s reassuring nod helped to calm your nerves. 

Wordlessly, Jack took your hand and led you over to the couch, gesturing for you to sit. You sat down and faced him, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your knees, still fidgeting with your hoodie sleeves. 

“I’m sorry - “ You both said unanimously, a gentle laughter filling the room. 

“I’m sorry I needed so much time apart, J. It fucking sucked, and it was my fault, and I just didn’t -” You began to ramble, only stopping when Jack leaned over and squeezed your knee reassuringly.

“You only needed that time because I was an asshole, sugar. It’s on me, really. I had no right to treat you like an occasional friend, or something that I shouldn’t prioritise -” Jack paused as you cringed, remembering the text messages that referred to his time with you as “boring family bullshit”. 

“I was thinking with my dick, not with my head, and that’s not fair on anyone.” You shot Jack a weird look, and he looked sheepish in return.

“Quinn… Quinn said that to me. After you told him to tell me about the messages. He’s right, thought. It wasn’t fair.” Jack continued, pausing to take a deep breath. 

“This whole… thing, this life -” Jack gestured broadly at the apartment around you, and you glanced around properly for the first time. Framed jerseys of Luke and Jack’s adorned the walls.Various photos of the Hughes family scattered about the place. The fridge, with a gas bill stuck to it, along with a polaroid of you and Jack from last Christmas. And a photo from your senior prom. And a group photo of everyone from last summer at the lake house, Jack’s mouth open in laughter with his arm slung over your bikini-clad shoulders. 

“It’s all I thought I ever wanted. And it’s amazing, and I’m so grateful. But it’s worth nothing to me, the money, the girls -” You felt yourself involuntarily cringe again. “The fame, the accolades, it’s worth nothing to me without the people that I love by my side. And if those people don’t know how much I love and appreciate them, because I treat them like shit, then that’s on me. No one else. Me.” 

You sat quietly, taking in Jack’s emphatic statement. You weren’t quite sure what to say. So instead, you gently reached over and took Jack’s hand in yours, lacing your fingers through his and squeezing softly, for a moment while you gathered your thoughts.

“I know the life you live, Jack. You don’t have to be sorry for it. Playing hockey was all you ever dreamed of, and I honestly can’t blame you for… enjoying… all the perks it comes with.” You swallowed the wave of nausea that hit you, before continuing. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what life looks like without you in it. The last month was such a bizarre experience, and not one that I ever want to repeat, but I also… I need to… Can I be honest?” You spoke softly, glancing up from your hands to meet Jack’s gaze, and he nodded encouragingly at you. 

“I wasn’t just upset because you made me feel like I was inconveniencing you, or cock-blocking you -” It was Jack’s turn to cringe. “I think I was upset because I was jealous. Because that will never, ever be me. And I think… I think I want it to be? Maybe? Fuck, I don’t know!” You dropped Jack’s hand and stood up from the couch, and started to pace the room. 

“Sugar, please sit down.” Jack pleaded, and you paused, looking back at him on the couch. One look was all you needed, and you narrowed your eyes at the smirk on his dumb face. 

“Why are you smirking? I am experiencing emotional distress, you asshole.” You seethed, running your hands through your hair in frustration.

“Tell me more about this jealousy thing. I’m intrigued.” Jack’s tone was light and teasing, and washed over you like sour milk. Your head whipped in his direction and your face must’ve said a thousand words, because Jack’s smirk soon disappeared and he hurriedly stood up and walked over, reaching out to touch you. 

“See, this -” You jabbed a finger into Jack’s chest. “This is why I have avoided this conversation for almost my entire life. Because you think it’s hilarious that we could ever go down that path. That we could ever be something more than what we are. Because I’m not good enough,or pretty enough, or just enough and I never will be, and I hate it. I hate it so much.” Your voice cracked on the last few words, and you felt the hot tears start to bubble out of your eyes and stream down your face. 

Jack didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. He pulled you into a hug, bringing his hand up to your face and gently brushing away the tears with his thumbs. 

“Breathe, sugar. You need to calm down.” Jack said quietly, willing you to calm. That just made you cry harder. 

You were about to pull away, when you felt Jack cup your face with both hands, before leaning in to kiss you. 

[madrone33]

I finally listened to Hadestown! 🎉

Starting with the Original Cast Recording, ‘cause might as well do it in release order. Loved it! Groovy music. Snickered. Cried. Wrote down my reaction as I went, so if you're chill with rambled thoughts and observations, here you go lol

(Soz for any typos, I was touch typing most of the time, and I've edited it but probs missed stuff)

Road to Hell (Live)

Oh it’s JAZZY. Huh. Didn't expect that, but I am living.

I like how at the start they’re simulating a train’s chugging.

Those call and response harmonies tho *chef's kiss*

Kinda reminds me of Udad.

Oh that’s Hermes!

“It’s a sad song” he says, while singing the boppiest of bops.

I like that “suitcase full of summertime” line.

“About someone... who tries.” Oho, we’re gettin into it now! *rubs hands together*

Also, I completely get now why Jorge said that first draft of EPIC: The Musical Hermes was like Hadestown.

Livin' It Up on Top (Live)

That’s a smooth transition👌

Persephone’s voice is really cool. Kinda rough texture?

Oh I didn’t realise Persephone and Hades would be having a turbulent relationship in this.

Oooh Orpheus’ voice is smooth.

They’re all so happy huh. Welp, you know there’s gonna be a crash in their future.

Orpheus seems really grateful for Persephone’s... graciousness? When he said that she'll always fill their cups and they'll raise them to her and stuff. Theory: either she’ll have a soft spot for him later, or he’ll feel betrayed and blindsided by the more cold side of her later.

All I've Ever Known (Live)

I don’t know anything about Eurydice, but is this her song?

Ah yeah Orpheus is singing, so it must be.

Oop. Foreshadowing.

Way Down Hadestown (Live)

Hermes is back!

“Bored to death” HA

“Graveyard” wow the puns/metaphors are going hard XD

I can’t tell who’s singing lmao. This is like when I listened to Hamilton for the first time. I’ll need lyrics, or familiarity RIP

The coins as the percussion/tambourine is a nice touch.

Hades’ voice is DEEP.

They haven’t mentioned gods yet, I don’t think? Just the Fates, right? It sounds more like a mining operation metaphor for mythos right now, hmm.

Epic II (Live)

King of diamonds and spades - like the playing card suits, but also like the mining operation.

It’s the La la la la thing from Wolfy’s animatic! Almost. A different rendition - I bet I'll hear that later 👀

Why is it called Epic II? Where’s 1? Am I missing something?

Chant (Live)

Oh they’re doing overlapping meodies!!

Ah wait this is Eurydice now, gotta go back a few seconds to catch that. I keep getting her mixed up with Persephone 😅

Oh now we’ve got Eurydice and Orpheus relationship troubles? Huh, I kinda assumed they’d be the perfect couple till her death.

And a semi callback to her song, nice.

Hay Little Songbird (Live)

DAMN his voice is deep!

Is this Eurydice??

Is- Is Hades seducing her? To work for him of smth? Ummm.

Not the canary!

That shaker sounds like a rattlesnake, and it does not bode well for a little bird.

When the Chips are Down (Live)

Oh hey I was right! It is a metaphorical rattlesnake!

Does she choose to go to the Underworld of her own volition? I thought she like- died.

Gone I'm Gone (Live)

She does??

Ouch. She sounds so resigned.

Is this a metaphor for her starving to death? Oof.

The harmonies!!

Wait for Me (Live)

“Six feet under” oh yep.

“Lay low, stay outta sight” - getting Hamilton's Stay Alive vibes.

“Don’t look back” ah. FORESHADOWING.

Ohhh the River Styx being a high wall is so smart!

“And don’t look no one in the eye” I must be too deep in the Odyssey related fandoms, because I'm seeing puns where there are none lmao

The HARMONIES!

Poor Orpheus, but I mean, he was kinda being a bit… naive? If he didn’t prepare for winter and just went off in his own head to make songs?

Why We Build the Wall (Live)

Free from who?

Enemy? 👀

(Yes, I'm aware I'm being led into asking all the questions he wants me to ask, but in my defence, it's very effective.)

Oh huh. Wasn't expecting it to be poverty, tho maybe I should've.

Him calling them “My children” plus the chanting is uh. Why does this sound like cult propaganda?

His voice sounds like the Ozymandias poem guy.

Also giving Frollo “She ran, I pursued” vocal vibes.

“Behind closed doors” - ominous.

Ha! Ok nice subversion.

Our Lady of the Underground (Live)

Persepone is a drug dealer XD

That’s a strange note on “there’s a crack in the wall”

Oh no, am I supposed to remember all these band member names? *crying*

Way Down Hadestown II (Live)

Bringing back motifs I see.

The pickaxes as percussion is cool.

Oop, Eurydice is getting a bit of a wake up call.

Chant II (Live)

Ooooh does the ‘backdoor’ Hermes meant, mean that Orpheus doesn’t have to ‘die’ to get there? ‘Cause he didn’t sign anything, which is a metaphor for him not actually being dead in the myth, so he can still leave.

“Hungry for the underworld” - the pomegranate?

And now Eurydice and Orpheus are singing half the La la la la tune each as if to each other from across the Underworld!

Ooh I LIKE those slant rhymes! "Young man, you can strum your lyre, I have strung the world in wire."

Oh this is where Orpheus sings his plea!! I know this is a thing because of Udad's Underworld Blues lol.

Epic III (Live)

The harmonies 🥺

Oh! It’s that part from Wolfy's animatic :O

I’m tearing up bro.

Just thinking that Eurydice was so upset with Orpheus for focusing on writing his song about Hades and Persephone, but it's that very song that is giving him a chance to sway Hades' mind. But on the other hand, if he'd focused less on the song, he never would've had to use it, y'know?

Word to the Wise (Live)

Ha the Fates(?) doing Hades’ inner monologue like, yeah bro u screwed yourself.

Uh oh this is probs where Hades comes up with the ultimatum. Wait no don't-

His Kiss the Riot (Live)

Those strings are creepy.

Belladonna? Oh the poisonous flower.

Did he call Orpheus the Jack of Hearts?

That acordian is awesome.

Fuck, I knew it.

He sounds like the guy who does the creepily ominous monologue in Micheal Jackson's Thriller.

Promises (Live)

Oh huh. It’s my theory from the 2nd song but it's Eurydice feeling betrayed that the world isn't always plentiful and not Orpheus?

Those strings are gorgeous!

Oh! A duet!

When the couple actually works out their shit:

“I do” omgggg!

KEEP WALKING. DONT LOOK BACK.

Wait for Me II (Live)

Aww that’s nice. Persephone and Hades are gonna try too!

Oh no not the “wait” like in Hurricane-

Doubt Come In (Live)

Oh noooooo

KEEP GOING. JUST KEEP GOING. SHE’S WITH YOU

OH NOOOO DON’T FALTER

LISTEN TO HER! HOLD ON! KEEP GOING!

... Oh god

Road to Hell II (Live)

NO THERE'S A FUCKING AD

Hermes sounds so sad but resigned. Like, 'Oh well. I knew it would turn out like this, but I'd hoped.' Which like. SAME.

The instruments stripped away so it's only silence and one voice is so good.

I can just imagine Orpheus collapsed shell shocked on stage as Hermes not unkindly pushes him to go on.

That reprise and ending is so fucking good AHHH omg no regrets. Some regrets. Whatever, it was good.

... Time to listen to it again with lyrics :D

And then I'm gonna listen to the Original Broadway Cast Recording!

[cavvaje]

I impulse bought sims medieval (2011) even though I really shouldn’t be spending and wasted all my free time on it so idk if I’ll be able to finish my gif in time to post today oops

P.s today is 1 month + 1 week from when I started using my acc I think! Put way too much in the tags so don’t press see all lmao (tldr I love y’all)

[chngminxo]

Himup prompt where it's a few months after the events of skydive and jongup is on his own doing his thing when he starts feeling the loss of himchan and some regret (but not too much he is cold blooded lmao) starts to creep in. He starts imagining himchan (and even his whole crew) around and talks to them as if they were there and he tells himchan how he feels at that moment and with everything that happened.. not sure if this made sense? I don't know.. but anyway hope you're doing well! :)

Skydive;

Jongup stood with his elbow on the windowsill, a smouldering cigarette between his index and middle fingers. This place wasn’t as lavish as his previous accommodation, it was bare of furniture, with scraped away wallpaper. The windows were without glass, and the floorboards creaked under his weight whenever he crossed the room. He wasn’t sure when the building had been abandoned, but it had been left behind to decay, forgotten and unloved, and vacant of any previous life. 

The wind was picking up and he shivered, bringing his cigarette to his lips and drawing in a drag. It wouldn’t be much longer until he could no longer pretend the cold wasn’t getting to him when he woke up in the morning with numb fingers and sore eyes. He hadn’t packed a bag when he’d left, and his clothes were stained with blood, torn from bullets.

“Nice place.” The voice was sarcastic, and Jongup didn’t have to turn his head to see the distaste on Himchan’s face. He clenched his jaw, said nothing, took another drag. 

From the top of the building, he could see all around. The forest to the east, the lake to the west. His eyes traced the winding string of road into the distance, following it’s length for miles. It was the perfect vantage point, if anyone were ever to approach, he would be ready. 

“Now now, Jonguppie, what have I done to earn this silent treatment?” Himchan tutted. Jongup could hear his hands rubbing together, his feet getting closer.

“Fuck off.” He snapped, took another drag, then another. Smoking calmed him, there was something so nice about feeling his lungs sucking down every toxin, pulling them in to every inch of his lungs. He was killing himself slowly from the inside out and it was fascinating.  

“Was it worth it, then?” Himchan ignored him, he always had, “Throwing away a nice house, good company, plenty of cash and food to go around for this.” 

Jongup’s lip curled, “I did what I had to.”

“No, Jongup. You did what you wanted to do.” Himchan had stopped somewhere behind him. Jongup turned his head, just a little bit. He could see Himchan there, just the silhouette of him illuminated in what little light he had. Part of him was relieved he wasn’t covered in blood this time, or missing the side of his skull. It was just Himchan, clean and well dressed, and more beautiful than he’d remembered.

“It was only a matter of time before one of you’d’ve killed me anyway.” Jongup reasoned, with Himchan, with himself, with God. He wasn’t sure anymore.

“I protect my own.” Himchan’s tone grew harder, the way it did when he felt defensive. 

“I was never one of yours.” Jongup bit out. He calmed his nerves with another deep intake of smoke, closing his eyes tight.

Himchan released a soft sound of amusement, “Oh but Jongup you were so much more mine than the rest of them.” The whisper of a touch grazed against Jongup’s back, a chest pressing close, then disappearing again, “You were the one who came to my room, who lay in my bed. A jealous little thing, too. Always having to make sure there was no one else, that it was just you I fucked.”

Jongup flicked the butt of his cigarette down to the gravel far below, “But I’m sure it was only a matter of time before that changed.”

“Is that why you sent Daehyun on that wild goose chase? Wanted him to kill me, so I’d regret ever straying from you?” Himchan laughed, his shoulder leaning against the wall beside Jongup, fingers curling into the windowsill, “Or did you just want me dead first? That way I’d never have known it was you who’d betrayed me, and killed all our friends.”

“They weren’t my friends.” Jongup answered, too quickly. He was already lighting another cigarette, hands raised to protect his flame from the wind.

“Yes they were.” Himchan’s fingers released the wooden window frame and dragged over Jongup’s arm to his shoulder, then brushed gently against his neck. The tips of his fingers traced the shapes of ink fused under his skin, then the bulge of his Adam’s Apple, “That’s why it hurts you so much when they come and visit you. I wonder who it is who hurts you the most. Maybe Youngjae, who you barely knew, or Yongguk who rarely spoke.”

“Yongguk was an idiot.” Jongup snarled.

“No he wasn’t, and you know that. He would have made a much better leader than I did, if he’d so much as wanted to. His love for flames was his only weakness, and the only thing that had him straying.” Himchan’s eyes were focused on his face, and the intensity of his gaze had him twitching, wanting to pull away from the gentle fingers that roamed his familiar skin, “Is it Junhong, then? He wasn’t much more than a kid. You remember when we picked him up from the streets, don’t you? He was all dirty and scared, he’d never had anyone to trust before, but he trusted us. He trusted you.”

“Shut up!” Jongup turned his head away from the hand, but it followed him, gripped his throat to hold him still.

“You don’t regret killing Daehyun, but he still comes to see you. Smiles at you, laughs with you. Were you intending to make him as insane as you are with that little game of yours? What was the purpose of killing his girl in all of this?” Himchan’s mouth was almost against his ear, Jongup could swear he felt the warmth of his breath.

It didn’t stop him from releasing a choked bark of laughter, “A little fun, before the end. Killing you was the aim, the way there was all part of the game.”

Himchan chuckled into his ear, a mirthless sound of disbelief, “God you’re insane, aren’t you?” Jongup’s throat was released and he sucked in a deep breath, “I found it so exciting at first. You were so wild, it was my job to reign you in and I had some romantic notion that I could fix you, pick up your pieces and put you back together.”

“I can’t be fixed.” Jongup brought his cigarette to his lips, his fingers were shaking. From the cold, the fear, the inevitability of his death. He wasn’t quite sure.

“Clearly.” Himchan replied.

A gust of icy wind picked up, and Jongup shivered. It was only a matter of time before the first snow fell, blanketing the world around him with white, threatening to freeze his body, failing his organs one by one until nothing would be able to save him. He couldn’t quite decide if he was excited or terrified. Death was a marvellous thing.

“If you stay here much longer you’re going to die.” Himchan said from right behind him.

“I don’t care.” Jongup replied.

“Oh no, I know you don’t.” Himchan chuckled breathily, moving in closer. That warmth was against his back again, but this time Himchan didn’t step away. With their bodies kept flush hands found his hips, then his waist, then slid up around his stomach and to his chest, “But that doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid. That’s why you did all of this. Fear, paranoia, self-hatred, doubt. You didn’t believe we’d stay, so you killed us before we could leave you behind even if the result was the same. Logic was never your thing, was it my love?”

“Don’t call me that.” Jongup snapped, fingers finding his throat again, squeezing then releasing, squeezing again.

“You loved it when I call you that.” Himchan whispered into his ear, “Just like you loved it when I held you tight and fucked you like I loved you. In all your wild games of whips and ropes and knives, you still craved that the most.”

Jongup’s jaw clenched, his skin heating up with the anger, the turmoil, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt, “Shut up!” He snapped with bared teeth, like a cornered animal.

“But you killed me before I said it, if I even felt it. You thought you wouldn’t care once I was dead, but it’s driving you mad.” Himchan breathed every word, “Now you’ll never know because whatever I felt died with me.”

“I hate you.” Jongup growled the words, voice drenched with agony, “I’m glad you’re dead.”

Himchan just laughed, soft and sad, and kissed the back of his neck, “You’re in love with me, you killed me, and now you will die alone.”

Jongup’s eyes rolled back into his head when his throat was squeezed again, then released. The hand disappeared from his waist, then the warmth from his back and Himchan was gone. For a moment, Jongup wondered when he would visit him again, whether he would be covered in blood, unrecognisable, begging him to explain why. Why did you kill us all. Why did you let us die. 

Wind whistled as it slid between creaking boards, bringing with it winter’s icy chill. Jongup lifted his hand and brought his cigarette to his lips, sucking it in and down. He was killing himself from the inside out, and he couldn’t do it fast enough. 

[2dmanlover]

Crestfallen | NSFW Shieda Kayn x Fem!Reader

5.5k words

CW// graphic description of violence, explicit sexual content, big angst, war(?)

A/N- this is my once in a blue moon hyperfixation fic ! soz 4 any typos i cba reading the entire thing it makes me cringe. i get that post-fic clarity sometimes yknow.

this one goes out to my vato @queenofruneterra 🤞🏽

The sounds of war pierce the air as you land on the beach. Looking inland, the troops tore through the small Navorian village. You trudge through the bloodied water towards the shore. Bodies littered the beach, some Noxian men, some innocent Ionians. The sight made you sick. 

I should have just stayed in Demacia, you thought. While Demacia didn’t exactly like your kind, they wouldn’t have drafted you in some fucked up invasion. For a while you thought of Noxus as your new home, that was until they decided they wanted your magic for war. 

You were a one of a kind shadow mage; the perfect assassin. Years of training led you to be their most lethal weapon. The militant rulers of Noxus saw you as their prized possession– a femme fatale who could slaughter any major political figure in the blink of an eye; and of course leaving no trace. The only thing that kept you from murdering your boss was the benefits.. and the sweet justice that was brutalizing corrupt leaders. On the best of days you weren’t a fan of these aristocratic figures that knew of nothing but money. The thrill of the kill then had a reason, but here– it was nothing but greed. You feared you were turning into the thing you lived to exterminate. 

Making your way onto solid land the din of battle became more struggled. This was completely out of the ordinary, especially considering this village should have been an easy mark. Among the blood shed and screams of soldiers, a dark fog ring shrouded the street. You began approaching the village, sidling up against empty market stalls. The closer you got, the battle sounds waned. Soon, the fog dissipated, revealing a single soldier, falling to his knees, then to the ground. A clang, a thud, then, silence. 

You scanned the plaza. Not a single Noxian remained alive and the remaining few villagers had already fled. There was someone or something greater in this place that feared no bloodshed to save the village. You turned to head back towards the ship as there was no point in attempting to advance. The ship was gone. They had left you.

God damn it.

Phase zero of the eastern coast invasion, one that was supposed to be a safety phase, would turn out to be a fluke. But, it’s not like it mattered anyway. Might as well just make a new home in Ionia, until whoever decimated your troops, would soon return to end you. A habit of a nihilistic mind; a result of a lifetime of walking the fine line between life and death. 

For a moment you allowed your mind to fade away at the monotony of the crashing waves. Waking you up was a hand with a firm grip across your chest and the chill of cold steel against your throat.

“Looks like I forgot one…” your assailant taunted. The voice was feminine, but a bit on the deeper side. Before you could process, you were blinded in a ring of smoke, appearing the same as the one from earlier. Before the attacker could strike, you threw your shadow. You dashed to it, leaving the shadow in the arms of the woman. Your safety would not last long. A kunai soared by, missing your face, but slitting your ear. It landed in the support beam of the empty fruit stall behind you. She appeared a little bit shocked, but didn’t let your trick draw her attention away from the fight at hand. 

“Come on little Noxian, show me your tricks…” The woman said, audibly smiling. You could now fully see your attacker. She wore a green top, with matching tobi pants, and bandana that covered half of her face. Her skin was tanned and her muscles toned with a left arm covered in cloud tattoos.  In one hand she held her kunai, and the other a kama. She seemed to be a shadow assassin like you, so maybe you weren't one in a million like you were led to believe.

Another kunai came flying, you dashed to the side and threw your only weapon. You didn't realize she caught it until a flash of light reflected off the blade. The blade was thrown right back at you, but you couldn’t get out of the way fast enough. It sliced through the side of your thigh. Not quite mortally wounded, but surely brought you to your knees. You looked up expecting your last glimpse of life; but she had once again disappeared within a cloud of smoke. 

She let you live… Why? What sort of torture or living hell lies ahead of you? Better question– What the fuck just happened? Though you had many questions left unanswered, the day was waning and your wound was left unattended. 

You rifled through the med kits left on the bodies of the medics. Suture, needles, and gauze, just what you needed. Back in Noxus, oftentimes you’d leave battles tattered and torn and since you were technically a wanted criminal, you couldn't really go to hospitals. These mishaps gave you experience in home-remedies and self treatment. As you explored the village, you found that most houses and shops were completely vacant. It didn’t seem as if people were scrambling to escape as most necessities were gone and everything seemed orderly. They must have known. The general must underestimate the preparedness of Ionia, You thought. 

With the strongest spirits you could find, you made your way back to your temporary home. In the bathroom, you sat on the floor; bottle in hand and a rag in your mouth. A deep breath in, then a muffled scream. A tear fell down your cheek as you looked down at the mess of blood and alcohol. With shaky hands you poured the spirit over your wound for a second time. You cried out once more, slouching further down onto the floor. Though the worst of the pain was over, tears still streamed from your eyes as you stitched the gash shut. 

Orange light flooded through the window and the sun began to set; the warmth washing over you and lulling you to sleep.

You woke up in the dead of night to the door swinging open and slamming against the wall next to it. Through your blurry, sleep-filled eyes, you could make out a figure in the doorway. He stepped forward, and a sliver stream of moonlight illuminated his frame. He was a tall young man, with long black flowing hair, and a blue tendril that fell beside his face. His skin was pale and his arms were covered in black tattoos, similar to yours. You sat in the corner, purely defenseless. Your dagger was somewhere outside and you were in no condition to fight. 

“Nowhere to run…” he said with a sadistic smile. You locked eyes with him and held your gaze as he closed in on you. As the distance dissolved, you began to close your eyes and relax your body. It’s over- your life has finally come to an end. One. Two. Three.. Four… Five? You finally opened one eye only to see your executioner, idle, leaning on his weapon; an ornate scythe which emanated blue light from the base of the blade. He examined you, brows furrowed, and eyes drawn to the tattoos that covered your arms and chest. A single tear rolled down your cheek. A slew of emotions and thoughts ran through your mind and your consciousness began to catch up. The realization of the situation began to set in.

“What an interesting girl you are… Whatever shall I do with you…” He taunted. You looked up at him with eyes begging for mercy. 

“Please don’t send me back to Noxus…” you choked out. He looked at you with a face lacking any readable emotion. He seemed unamused at your plea. 

“Poor thing…” The words fell through the pitiless smile that formed on his lips. With inhuman haste, his scythe pressed against your chin, tilting your head back. 

“You are coming with me,” He said, crouching down to you. “If you don’t comply, I will take joy in letting that pretty little head of yours roll.” The ultimatum slipped through his teeth as he firmly pressed the scythe into your throat. You nodded and 

He stood up and offered you his hand. You took it for leverage. As you stood he spun you around and slammed you against the wall, tying your wrists together.

“You could have just asked me to turn around,” you said with a sharp inhale. 

“Shut your mouth.” He demanded in turn. Lord knows what he would have done if he saw they way you rolled your eyes.

He held you by your elbow and walked you out of  the village, and through some woods. After walking for sometime, you were led up some steps to a small but grand looking temple. In the center of the temple, a tall man with white hair stood staring at you with piercing eyes. 

“Kayn. You’re back, with the Noxian, I assume,” said the man. 

“Good evening, Master Zed,” Kayn greeted, shoving you forward onto your knees. Your eyes shifted from Zed to Kayn, who looked vastly different compared to the last time you looked at him, which hadn’t been too long ago. Rather than looking pale and cold, he looked more human-like. His hair was tied back into a long braid, and his right eye glowing red, surrounded by a scar. His right arm matched the corrupted appearance of his eye. The scythe he wielded changed too- the orb that had emanated blue before was now a round red eye. You had recognized the scythe from a book about the darkins of Runeterra you had read as a kid. 

“Rhaast…” you muttered under your breath. The attention of the men snapped to you. It had seemed to you that maybe you knew more than you should have.

“Who are you?” said Master Zed. You looked up at him, confusion still written on your face. 

“On a good day I’d say your worst nightmare but I’m sort of tied up right now,” you huffed with an awkward laugh. 

Kayn’s scythe swiftly hooked your neck, forcing your chin up. 

“Answer the damn question,” Zed returned. You spilled your whole shtick. You told them you were a shadow assassin for the militant rulers of Noxus who also happened to know nothing of the invasions. You emphasized the fact that you were only killing corrupt politicians and aristocrats and that you did not agree with any of the general’s invasions in Ionia. You rambled a bit, spilling almost all of the information you had, simply because you knew Noxians would assume you had perished in the failed invasion. 

“And- I’m sure you know the girl in green– could you tell her I’m sorry- I was really only just defending myself-” you stumbled over your words before Zed cut you off.

“If you didn’t agree with what the general had in store, why did you come here?” He asked.

“I do what I’m told, sir,” you responded simply. Zed looked at Kayn who shrugged in return. 

“I-I’m sure I could help fight off the Noxians– I am a shadow mage too, you know. I’m just like you- I really could make a great asset to this order you got going on here.” you said, flashing your shadow switch as proof. The fact that you could have easily escaped but instead put yourself back in bondage proved how desperate you were to showcase your innocence. At this point you were merely just trying to escape death; the last thing you wanted to do is die on the imperialist hill of Noxus. If you were to succeed, you wanted to at least have shelter and food, as you probably wouldn’t live for long otherwise.

“Take her to the quarters,” Zed said to Kayn. “We shall test her ability in the morning.”

Kayn furrowed his brow and shot Zed a look of skepticism. He yanked you by your wrists and untied the knots with little care. You rubbed the red marks that were left on your wrists. Kayn had a firm grip on your arm as he walked you down the hall. He pushed you into your room without opening the curtains and left before you could utter a single word. You could hear him talking to Zed around the corner of the hall. 

“You’re really going to let this little Noxian girl who tried killing Akali stay?” Kayn said in a tone of disbelief. 

“I told you to find her and bring her back, this is not your call Kayn.” Zed retorted. “She’s marked with the Tears of the Shadows. She possesses the lost magic of Ionia, there is something about her that doesn’t belong in Noxus.” Zed's voice was calm and low, almost too quiet for you to hear. 

“Don’t say I didn’t tell you so when she turns on us.” Kayn responded firmly, followed by a single pair of footsteps that quickly dissipated. You heard the creak of the second pair, but these were slower and methodical. They hesitated for a moment in front of your room before walking away. You tiptoed to the cot and quickly fell asleep under the thin covers.

You woke up to the sound of your name outside your room. You scrambled out of bed and walked down the hall and into the main room of the temple. In the center of the room was a low table where Zed, Kayn, and Akali sat. Next to Kayn there was an empty space with a bowl of rice porridge, where you sat down and ate in silence. 

“We are going to test you today,” Zed broke the Silence. You looked up and nodded.

“Yes, Master,” you said hesitantly. Zed nodded and both Kayn and Akali looked at you briefly before looking at each other. Akali slid you a bundle of clothes for you to change into. 

“Akali, will you please show her to the bath,” Zed said. Your face flushed as you realized the state of your hygiene. You were caked in blood and dirt, and reeked of alcohol. 

Once you were sure you were alone, you stripped and waded into the hot water. Relishing in the warmth, you took a moment processed everything that had happened in the past 48 hours. One moment you’re on a boat heading for the south eastern Navorian shores, the next you're being taken in by a group of shadow mages who may or may not also want to murder you. 

As you were putting on your clothes you heard footsteps draw near. You panicked and covered your chest with your arm as you only had your pants on. Kayn walked into the room but quickly realized the mistake he made. You froze and locked eyes with him. Kayn, flustered at first, tried to put on the most stoic face he could muster with his pink cheeks. 

“Zed wants you outside, quickly,” He said before hastily turning and walking away. You were left pink all over and a bit unsettled. 

You put on your top and shoes before making your way outside. There stood Zed with Akali and Kayn on either side of him. You greeted them with a bow. While Akali greeted you with a slight smile, Kayn only looked at you sternly. You could feel the warmth crawl up your neck in the slightest bit while talking to Zed, as you could still feel Kayn’s eyes prodding at you. 

“I want to see your hand to hand combat,” Zed said, “And do not be afraid to use your magic”. You nodded in response. Zed had designated Kayn to battle with you as he stood to the side with Akali.

The tattoos on your arms began to darken and morph as you focused your energy into your magic. You looked at Kayn just as he lunged at you. You dodged his attack by dashing to a shadow you had thrown. Kayn turned back to you and stood southpaw beckoning you to attack him. This time, it was your turn to dash at him, but he dodged you. He used a shadow step to put himself behind you, and locked your neck against his chest. His thigh was placed in between your legs, completely immobilizing you. Despite how uncomfortable the friction was, you planted your feet on the ground, and used all your strength to flip Kayn over you and onto the grass. Though he may have been flat on his back, his grip on you remained. You phased out of his arms leaving a shadow, which you would then dash back to, positioning you over him. It was clear Kayn didn’t expect your skill and ability, leaving him vulnerable to your tricks. You grabbed him by his wrists and pinned him down, looking at him in the eyes. He returned the stare, with red anger flaring in his face. Seeing the tension, Zed interjected.

“Very well,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder. You stood up and offered Kayn a hand, to which he ignored, getting up from the grass on his own.

“You better be glad Master Zed is here to prevent me from killing you,” Kayn said in a hushed tone before walking into the temple and to his quarters. 

As weeks passed, you continued training with the Order of the Shadow. Eventually Zed trusted you to help fight off the Noxians that would come trickling into the nearby villages. Your kind and humorous manner would help you in gaining the trust of Zed and Akali, but Kayn stayed cold and distant. While you were kind, you only gave enough comradery to him to keep you from getting killed in your sleep. But, sometimes his coldness would leave you visibly crestfallen, as Akali would begin to point out to you. 

After a particularly grueling training session, you and Akali relaxed in the bathhouse. This was the one place you two could really talk.

“I can’t believe I survived on my own here before you got here,” Akali admitted. “It’s nice having a gal friend around.”

“It’s nice having a friend, period,” you scoffed.

“Glad I could be of service,” she said with a satisfied smile, slouching into the water. 

“What’s up with Kayn?” you broke the silence. Akali furrowed her brow and turned her head to look at you. 

“Erm, Kayn... is, for a lack of a better word, a megalomaniac,” Akali thought for a moment. “All he wants is to fulfill the fullest potential of his power and will cut off anything and anyone that will distract him from that.”

“Interesting,” your voice was tinged with sarcasm.

“Trust me, it’s a constant battle with that boy,” she laughed. 

It was a fine day out so you were outside the temple doing tai chi. Your calm was interrupted by a frantic man approaching you.

“Help, please! They’re here!” He yelled to you. You grabbed him by the shoulders and spoke calmly hoping he’d emulate your bearing.

“Who’s here?” you asked.

“The Noxian ships, th-they’re coming,” He synced his breathing with yours in an attempt to calm himself. The rest of the order had come outside to investigate the commotion. 

“The village,” you said to the three, who then rushed inside to gear up for battle. You told the villager to stay outside for a moment while you and the others would get ready to defend for them. 

You had never seen Zed in his battle garb before; he wore a red hood and shawl, secured with metal bladed armor and a matching red and silver helmet. Akali gave you a bandana to hide your identity in battle and prevent you from getting captured and executed in Noxus for treason. 

The villager led you to the battlegrounds where you could spot a medium sized group of soldiers jump from a ship and onto the distant shore. 

“Tell all of the villagers to leave. Now,” Zed commanded the villager. He ran off and banded the small group of residents before leading them into the safety of the valley. 

“Stay hidden, until we come back,” you advised.

You and the Shadow Order strategically hid yourselves from the Noxian unit, waiting for the perfect chance to strike. 

“Check every house, and kill every resident,” you heard who you believed to be the leader of the squadron saying. One by one, the Shadow Order picked off the soldiers, silently. But only a few were killed, and several still remained. You waited to strike again. The soldiers came in after a bit, searching for the men who had gone in and not returned. Here– you made your escape, and climbed to the roof, where you scouted for the rest of the men in the village. You nodded to Zed, who silently did the same on another rooftop. This was your signal to catch the few that remained outside out. 

The two of you dropped onto the ground and used your shadows as a distraction. As they were turned, you swiftly struck them with lethal force. Zed used shurikens to execute, whereas you used a katana. As the soldiers within the house ran out, Akali and Kayn emerged from the shadows. A bloody battle would ensue, leaving most of the soldiers dead. The Shadow Order would be left relatively unscathed. 

Zed ordered you, Kayn, and Akali to make sure no soldier remained in the houses. You all had checked almost every house but one. The task was left to you. Stepping in you were swiftly grabbed by who must have been a soldier. He covered your mouth with one of his hands and held a knife to your throat with the other. 

“I know your little shadow tricks you have,” the man growled. Anti magic runes were tattooed onto the arm he held you with. The runes made your head hurt as you struggled in his grip. Your arms were pinned to your sides and your feet were just barely lifted off the ground. You were completely trapped. 

The man moved his knife from your neck, and traced it down your chest and to your stomach, ripping through your clothes, and leaving a bloody gash in its wake. You winced at the pain and tears ran from your eyes. You could feel him smiling as he spoke through your hair into your ear. 

“Consider this payback, darlin’.” His caused you to shake with rage. Your face was red with emotion and tears wet your cheeks. 

He pressed one of his fingers passed your lips and you bit down as hard as you could, breaking skin and eliciting a crack from his now twisted joint. He dropped you in shock and reeled in pain. You had fallen to your knees and scrambled away from him, unsheathing your blade in the process.

“You little bitch!” He yelled. He walked towards you, backing you into a corner. He lunged at you, but stopped mid movement. A scythe ripped through his neck, decapitating the man. His head fell to the floor and his body slumped before you, revealing your savior, Kayn. He rushed towards you and examined your injuries. 

“Are you okay?” he asked in a panicked tone. You were dazed and losing blood fast and all you could do was nod weakly just before passing out. 

You woke up in a bed, beside you Kayn, who had been sleeping in a chair. He had a look of unrest about his face. You lifted the gown that you were dressed in to see the wound the man had left, but you were met with a fully sealed scar that stretched from your collarbone to your abdomen. Part of you wondered how long you’d been asleep, until upon further inspection, you found the scar was still riddled with the scent of healing magic. You rubbed your eyes and stretched out your limbs.

“Kayn?” You said in a sleepy voice. The sound of his name woke him and he immediately turned to you. 

“You’re awake. Are you alright? Does it hurt?” He pelted several questions at you, not letting you answer them as he cut himself off to explain what happened when they brought you back to the temple. Akali had bathed you and cleaned your wounds, and a woman named Karma had come to heal your wounds with her magic. You cracked a smile. His attention to your well being would have been expected out of anyone else but Kayn, which left you confused yet pleasantly surprised.

“Who are you and what did you do to Kayn?” You interrupted. Kayn’s face flushed but then brightened as you joked; the humor telling him you were still in your right mind. But his smile only lasted briefly as he had remembered what he’d been waiting to say to you. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at you with pure remorse and guilt written all over his face. There was no need to elaborate, as he and you both knew what he was referring to. He had realized that you meant a lot more to him than he knew and it wasn’t until he saw you stare death in the eye when it hit him. The potential of losing you was too much to bear and he swore to Zed and Akali that he’d spend night and day by your side making sure you wouldn’t slip away from him. 

You got out of bed and stood up in front of him to give yourself better access to his face. Looking up at him you reached for his jaw. You cupped his face and rubbed your thumb against his cheek to comfort him. You too were realizing how much he really meant to you; the reason you felt so dejected every time he’d return nothing but stone to your kindness. The emotions that traveled from the back to the front of your mind left you dumb. You hurriedly wrapped your arms around his torso and buried your head into his chest, holding on like this would be the first and last time you’d ever get to embrace him. Kayn stood a little confused for a moment before melting into the hug. One of his hands held the back of your head, while the other wrapped tightly around your shoulders. His response quelled your anxiety.

“I accept your apology,” you said into his bare chest. He loosened his grip and you pulled back and looked up at him. He wiped a tear from your eye just as it was falling and pulled your face towards his own. Your eyes widened as his lips connected to yours, but they’d soon fall closed as you relaxed and leaned into the kiss.

It was hard and brief and left you pining for his lips when he pulled away. 

“I don’t think you understand how badly I’ve been waiting for you to do that,” you said with red cheeks and pupils agape. The words left your mouth before you could process the thought itself. All the nothingness Kayn had given you the past several months had culminated into this single action. 

“Maybe if I had been nicer to you, you would have gotten it sooner,” He responded with a smile.

“Hmm, maybe I like it when you’re mean,” you teased, subconsciously biting your lip. The taunt lit a flame of lust within Kayn.

“Is that so?” he countered in a growl, which had been completely foreign to you. His mouth crashed into yours with unmatched intensity. His strength left you no choice but to let him take control. To this, he bit your lip and tangled his fingers in your hair. You mimicked his movements as he slipped his tongue past your lips. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around him without breaking apart and he quickly supported you by grabbing onto the back of your thighs. You were practically begging for him with every movement you made.

You pulled back for a breath and looked at his beautiful face that had yearning and desire written all over it. He lowered your back onto the bed, making sure not to break the contact. His arms caged you against the mattress, allowing him to dive into the crook of your neck. He nipped at your pressure points, making your face and body grow even warmer. The mews you let out at bruises he was sucking into your skin were making his erection increasingly difficult to hide.

His hands began to roam as he continued to bite and nip at different spots on your neck and chest, leaving you with an ever-worsening ache between your thighs. The thin material of your nightgown didn’t do so much as to cover the hardening buds of your breasts. Through the fabric Kayn brushed against your nipple before clamping his thumb and forefinger down on it. The sudden shock of pleasure with a tinge of pain sent your head reeling. In return, you ran your hand from his chest down to the valleys of his abs. Your touch caused the tent in his trousers to twitch and you slipped your fingers just past his waistband. 

“So needy… You know I’ve been serving you all night, pet.” Kayn said with a tantalizing tone in your ear. He knew exactly what he was doing to you and you went straight for the bait. You begged, quieting your voice to a mewl and making sure to look up at him right into his eyes. 

“What a good girl,” he said in a low rumble, dripping with lust. You let your knees fall apart and he firmly planted his hips between your thighs. The air felt cool against your heat as he began grinding into you at a frustratingly slow pace. His elbows were at either side of your head, giving you room to pull off your dress. As you tossed it to the side he caught your hands above your head and pinned your wrists to the mattress. You looked at his face in wonder and watched his eyes grow dark as he ran his other hand down your body. The feather light contact sparked a shiver down your spine and left goosebumps. He circled your entrance and spread your wetness between your folds, causing you to gasp and buck your hips into his hand. Your head fell back and he dotted your neck with kisses and nips once more. He slipped a single finger in, then a second, curling them, sending out waves of pleasure with every movement. He rubbed your clit in slow tormenting circles with his thumb. With every breathy moan you let out, his cock grew harder. Realizing the unfairness of the situation, he broke away and stripped himself of the cloth that separated the two of you, kicking them to the side. You sat up and gawked at his length, which he held at the base to showcase to you. He was decently long and thick, with a perfect blush tip, and absolutely rock hard. 

He pushed you back onto the bed and kneeled between your legs. 

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked, with an ambiguous demeanor. It was almost a double entendre; while he was taunting you he was also making sure he wasn’t doing anything you didn’t want. The attention he’d been paying to your wants and needs drove you crazy. All you could do was nod in response and hum in approval. Kayn gripped you by your thighs and pulled you towards him. Starting from your clit, he pressed his tip into the soft skin, then dragged down, lining himself up with your entrance; wasting no time he slid himself in with a groan. The pleasure made Kayn’s name tumble from your kiss-swollen lips. He pushed in halfway, before taking a small pump, then bottoming out. You arched your back, making him reach spots that were unimaginably deep. He leaned over you, groaning in your ear, slowly thrusting in and out of you. You pressed your hands to his chest as he rocked his hips with yours. His elbow supported his weight beside your head and the other hand to gripped at your jaw. He pulled your head down to look at your face and see the pleasure in your eyes. 

“God, I’ve been wanting to see you like this since the day you first fought me,” he said between grunts. “I felt so defeated, but now you’re finally under me.” Your eyes fell half-lidded as he trailed his tongue down to your nipple.

“I really thought pushing you away would stop me from fucking you, but you proved me dead wrong,” he continued to babble about his fantasies, as they manifested on a silver platter in front of him. 

You couldn’t help but think back on the moment you were on top of him. The tension then was almost as tightly wound and tangible as the coil in your core was right now. Kayn’s lewd thoughts weren’t unrequited, as you would often find yourself imagining the obscene acts on your own in the dead of night. 

The reminiscing spurred a new vigor within him and he picked up a merciless pace.

With every pound, you felt yourself stumbling closer to the edge. Small kisses were pressed to your lips which condescended the tempo he had set between your legs. 

His strokes became more and more uncoordinated and with your lips barely touching, he pulled you close and came with a groan of your name.

The stimulation gave you the final push into your climax. Clawing at his back, you fell into pure ecstasy and came around him. He slumped to the side of you and pulled you close into his chest. Nuzzling into him, you let out a satisfied sigh.

“Thank you,” you hummed into his chest. 

“What for?” he asked, smoothing over the hair on the top of your head. 

“Taking care of me,” you responded, lifting your head out of his chest to look up at him.

“Thank you. You should get fatally wounded more often,” he teased as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you back into his chest.

“Shut up,” you said with a muffled giggle. 

Akali ran through the curtains with great panic, before stopping and sighing with relief.

“Oh good, I thought you two were killing each other. Come out and get breakfast while its still hot,” she said said with a smile. You and Kayn were wide-eyed Akali began to walk away. 

Mid step she froze, 

“Wait,” she turned and looked at the both of you. “Oh my God.” She said, eyes widening and face turning red. 

“Sorry!” her voice cracked with raw embarrassment, running out of the room with her hands over her eyes. 

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

you know what I want?

A Stalwart Gem: The Movie. I’m tired of getting all the lil community theatre actors in my noggin together to act out the story. I, just once, wanna sit back all lazy-like, and watch it happen on the big screen.

But like…do you have any HCs or Drabble about the scene/a scene where Leto tells Jessica about his feelings for Gem?? Bc that’s one scene I think should be in the film and I’m drafting Stalwart Gem fanfic in my noggin and pls help.

I just think it’d be such an interesting scene because I wonder if they’ve discussed something like this before or if this is the first time, and it’s not like Leto can HIDE anything from her bc of his lil micro expressions of, probably; love and concern and horny, are all over his face. But was it dramatic? Was there an argument? Or was it sweet and understanding? I need to know pls- for the movie I’m about to produce.

Also congratulations on your thesis and good luck on applying for jobs. I don’t know how tf you find time to do all these things and still make us yearn and weep, but you’re amazing.

Danny Danny Danny Danny dear Danny dear sweet lovely Danny I'm so sorry this took me so long to answer!! Also thank you :) My thesis draft turned out v well and the job aplications are chugging along (though they scare me)

And can I just say that the fact that you have such interest in a Stalwart Gem and like...The sequel story form!! I still think about it!! Like it's astounding and I thank you and I adore you.

Okay I wrote, like...1k? that takes place ~the end of part one and into part two?? I hope it's sufficient! (Also it is not beta-read so if there are typos....Soz)

It starts as a sneaking suspicion.

Leto can be subtle at the best of times; his looks and actions can, at times, misdirect. They must, if he is to lead Caladan without showing all of the cards that he keeps so close to his vest. 

But with her—with this new-old-arrival, this bright ‘gem’, as he’s called her—there’s something different. His looks linger on her when they’re in conversation; his eye unwittingly seeks her out when she’s nearby, but just out of sight; his lips twitch with a smile at the sound of her voice, the mention of her name.

It’s odd to Jessica—to be on the outside, and not the object of his attention. It’s foreign, and it’s uncomfortable. Jessica feels the pricking of jealousy beneath her fingertips, the lurch of her stomach when he smiles at the girl. But she knows that there’s something there that must set her off, something good. As Thufir Hawat has always told her, it's easier to be terrified by an enemy you admire. 

There is something in this Gem that Leto must admire, and it must be beyond her beauty. Jessica has heard whispers from the ladies maids—whispers of nightly walks, and the possession of a kindjal and a sharp tongue. Leto and Jessica came together as a matter of necessity. Jessica doesn’t know if Leto has ever come together with anyone in a blatant matter of desire. It's new for him, something that he ought to have liberty to explore.

But the jealousy prickles, still. 

When he returns one night from a walk, hair and coat dampened, a nick in his neck, she can’t help bubbling of questions—but she shuts them tightly behind her lips, watching him change and drop his wet clothes onto the hamper. 

“...Where did you go?” She asks, as lightly as she can.

“Just to the river orchards.” 

“Mm…” She nods, taking in his pruned skin, his naked form before she adds, “How was she?” 

Leto hesitates for a moment before he tugs on a pair of loose pants, tying the chords.

“Shaken. Upset.” 

It’s the confirmation she needs—it churns her stomach.

“Is it lasting, you think?” Jessica asks.

“What, specifically?” 

“Your fascination.” 

Leto turns to face her, eyes sweeping her face, her body, before he asks, “Are you worried?”

“Have I anything to be worried about?” 

Leto lowers his head, and she can practically see the wheels turning and ruffling his dark, damp curls.

“Whatever the answer is,” Jessica adds, “Know that it changes nothing for me.”

“I do not believe that,” Leto asserts, meeting her eye again. Jessica purses her lips, considering her next words wisely. 

“... You are the father of our son, you know that I care and want only the best for you. This may cause a shift, perhaps, but not a rift.” 

Leto takes slow, careful steps toward the bed, lowering himself down to sit in front of Jessica. When he takes hold of her hand, it steadies and excites her as much as it did when they first met. Jessica closes both hands around his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“I do not know if it is…Lasting,” Leto admits softly, eyes flitting to her face. It’s odd to see Leto nervous. She doesn’t rush to fill the silence, and instead gives him the moment or two to gather himself before he goes on:

“What I feel, it is…Different. Different from what I feel for you. You know that you will always have my devotion, my affection—”

“Yes—”

“You gave me our son, you have given me your time, your care…Your love.”

Leto’s eyes hold Jessica’s, but there’s a skittishness there.

“What I feel for her…I cannot describe it in a way that—”

“You will not upset me—”

“I can’t chance that. I won’t.” 

Jessica turns her head from him, her jaw working tightly. She hears Leto sigh, sees him bow his head out of the corner of her eye. 

“Do you trust me?” Jessica asks after a moment of tense quiet.

“You know I do—”

“Then trust me with this. For the sake of our partnership, trust me with this.”

She doesn’t push into his silence now, either. She knows Leto—knows that he’ll snap if she does, knows that he’ll settle if she doesn’t. This flurry of emotion is new for both of them, but they know one another.

“...I don’t know how much time that I have with her,” Leto finally says, “In the way that I know I have time with you. Until then, I…” 

“You want to explore.” 

“I do.” It’s said firmly, with his eyes set heavily on her. Jessica gives a slow nod, lowering her eyes to the bedspread and giving Leto’s hand a squeeze.

“Then that is what I want you to do.” She tips her head up and reaches out, thumbing the nick on his neck. “So long as she doesn’t take your head off.” 

Leto hisses softly, glancing at the pinprick of blood on her forefinger as she draws her hand away.

“She was upset with you?”

“No…No, with herself. But she’s been in the center of a storm for years now. It seems easier to turn her anger outward...She will learn.” 

Jessica hums thoughtfully, looking at the smudge of red on her finger. 

“...Would you be terribly upset if I didn’t befriend her?” She asked lightly.

“Of course not,” Leto soothed, rubbing his hand over her thigh. 

“I won’t make an enemy, mind, but—”

“I will not begrudge you distance,” Leto fills in. Jessica nods a little, lowering her gaze to her lap. Leto ducks his head, resting his forehead against hers and giving her other hand a squeeze.

“You will always have me. You must know that.” 

Jessica can’t help her small smile, and she tips her head, nudging her nose against his. “I do.” 

-- 

The next time she passes her—his gem—she finds herself slowing and holding her gaze. She sweeps her eyes along the woman’s form, meets her eyes again, and gives her a small nod.

“Come, Paul,” Jessica murmurs, carefully steering her son down the hallway. 

This gem may hold Leto’s fascination for some time, but Jessica has his son, his devotion—and he will always come back to that, and to them. Let him hold this interest, this gem, for as long as it lasts.

All that glitters is not gold.

[imo-chan-imagines]

Intoxicated | Haikyuu!! Drabble

Iwaizumi × fem!reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, raw sex, overstimulation, little bit of tears from the overstimming 🥺, a healthy sprinkling of praise kink, orgasm kink(?), relationship, he's fucking SMITTEN with you WHIPPED, drabble, also no one is actually drunk :)

A/N: The other day I said I wanted Iwa to rail me and, well, this is the product of my queasy stomach, sleep-deprived brain, and horny mind. I wrote this in, like, an hour, so soz if there are any typos. Enjoy ♡

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

Iwa's hands roam your exposed skin, trailing a warm path of caresses up and down your quivering body, before resting on your hips and forcing you down onto him in time with his rhythm.

His feet are flat on the floor for leverage as he bucks himself up into you, grunts, pants, and groans huffing from his lips.

He already made you cum twice before even allowing himself inside you, and now he's about to do it again, stretching your walls as he stuffs you full of his thick cock.

He rests his head in the cook of your neck, cheeks flushed, eyebrows furrowed, and a sheen of sweat forming over his skin as he allows himself to be physically and emotionally swallowed by you.

He's normally so stoic, so reserved. But right now, the way you're wet for him, the feeling of your skin as you slide against him, the shapes and contours of your body, the way you smell of sex – all of it. It has him impassioned.

He can tell how much you want him, and it's intoxicating, driving him insane. And the sounds you make as he fills you up with his cock penetrate his ears and fuel his feral state.

"So pretty...so pretty..." he hums over and over, whether his eyes are open or not.

The rough skin of his hand brushes against your jaw as he turns your face towards his and plants a messy, lustful kiss on your lips, feeling every inch of your mouth he can find, before pulling away and tugging at your lower lip with his teeth.

As your eyes lock, you can see the dilation of his pupils – immense pools of black boardered by a thin halo of melting brown.

He can't get enough. He wants to hear those pretty sounds more. He wants to feel you around him more. All he cares about making you cum, and being the one to do it.

And this needy, passionate, unravelling Iwa has you coming undone around him for a third time, waves of ecstasy pulling you under.

He holds you close to him as you whimper, spasm and whine through your orgasm, his hips finally slowing.

"That was beautiful, baby," he murmurs in your ear as you pant against his chest, and he kisses the top of your head. "Just like that. So gorgeous."

Before you've fully recovered, he gently picks you up and carries you over to the bed, where he places you down, and begins touching, kissing, and licking every inch of your body, thumbing and tweaking your pebbled nipples as he positions himself between your legs.

"Beautiful...so beautiful..." he continues to murmur, as he leans his body over yours, pressing his hips forwards. "Gotta see it again, baby."

Your insides are still raw and sensitive from the previous three orgasms, your walls still pulsing from just a moment ago as he slowly drives his cock inside you.

Bending down, he clasps the base of your jaw, kissing your lips, your neck, your chest, his eyes unable able to leave your form as his pace quickens.

It's all getting too much, your cunt's still raw, your body's on fire, your heart's pounding like a drum – and despite how good it feels, little, glistening tears bead in your lashes.

"Fuck, you're so cute," he hisses into your mouth, sucking on your swollen lips, the bed creaking beneath you with every thrust of his hips.

His thumbs smear across your cheeks, tenderly wiping away the tears. Your mind's going numb.

"Shh– you're my pretty baby," he groans. "Gotta treat you right."

The sounds your body makes every time his hips lock with yours are obscene. But to Iwa, they're heavenly. Seeing you cum for him again is his only desire. He can think of nothing else.

His cock is throbbing. The head is hitting that perfect angle inside you. You can feel your stomach tightening again already.

"You're so beautiful when you cum, baby," he whispers, his full weight bearing down on you, pressing you into the mattress.

You whimper as your hand flails and grips at the sheet, your breath hitching in your throat.

He stares down at you eagerly, drinking in the sight before him, his expression a lecherous mix of lust and love.

"You can give me another one – right, baby?"

© imo-chan-imagines 2021

[ciebei]

Nostalgia

Ichiruki. Not!Angst. Experimental. AU.

Slowly but surely I am both working up the appetite for writing, and through the list of dbprompts I have yet to fill out... 

Weekly fic prompt for @deathberryprompts - ‘New’!

352 words.

_____________________________________________________________________

Curtains rose - on the night of soaked cement and bloodied floorboard - to some great, interstellar phenomenon. 

He looks back now, and calls it an epoch. Labels all of his time with her as the extraordinary and files it under the list of things to be ever-grateful for. For Ichigo Kurosaki, she was, and is, and certainly always will be, a being of astronomical origins - more alive than he for being a dead girl; more warm than him for being half ice; more loving than him for being alone. If he could gather together all of the lessons she has passed on to him like he does the waist of her summer dresses, press them close like her skin and her hair and her laugh, then he knows he would.  

What does he do with that knowledge? 

What does he do knowing afternoon walks with the buzz of cicadas and the lap of her words and the low hum of contentment behind ribs, knowing nightfall and sunrise with milky lakes and soft kisses and ‘mornings’ in a thousand different tongues? What does he do knowing stage exit left may become stage entrance right at any, unforgiving moment? What does he do knowing birthmarks with aching specificity; knowing past lives in stories; knowing feelings from sealed lips and traded glances and a tender year of skin-to-skin contact?

    He says thank you.

In a thousand different tongues. In a thousand different ways; from half-burnt, leftover rice in plastic bowls to sunscreen in the summer and going regretfully into snow, to chappy merchandise that he knows will end up strewn in their crawl space, to leaving sticky-note reminders on their kitchen countertops and wooden staircases; knowing to put her slippers to the left of their bed because she walks past the right no matter where he fell the night before; he irons her dresses and stores her hats and hides away years worth of her drawings in the memorabilia box upstairs. And, sometimes, if he’s too tired or too overwhelmed with how many new feelings she cultivates within him, he says aloud that he loves her.

[writefightandflightclub]

Violent Delights (Chapter One)

Poe x Reader

Author’s note: First Order Poe! First Order Poe! I’m not well, I wrote this quickly. Probs fulla typos, soz. Cheer me up with feedback? Have a series loosely plotted in my head.

Summary: I wrapped your love around me like a chain / But I never was afraid that it would die / You can dance in a hurricane / But only if you’re standing in the eye (Brandi Carlile, The Eye)

Warnings: First Order Poe! Blood (none of this would be healthy irl, don’t do it), pain, threat, slight injury, sexual themes. Look, it’s not super explicit but it feels quite dark so: (18+ only please) Tell me if I missed any other warnings.

The first time you saw him, you were part of a counterstrike against the First Order’s foot raid on a small market town. Your commanding officer had instructed you make a tactical sweep of the labyrinth of streets -teeming with the Order’s militia- in attempt to thin out the herd of stormtroopers on the periphery of the battle. To keep it contained. But, somehow, you ended up in the thick of it.

Standing there alone, as yet unnoticed, you saw a chance to turn this thing around; a clear shot at their Commander. But you didn’t take it. And you couldn’t for the life of you explain why. For reasons unknown to you, you could only watch as he barked orders at his pack of faceless soldiers, directing them to fan out to the surrounding stalls and houses. They instigated chaos as they did so, taking people down, kicking doors open, sending crowds fleeing. They were searching for someone.

Ruthless, ordered, and efficient, a relentless wave of violence circled around the Commander as he coolly progressed down the central street. It was almost a thing of majesty. There he was, in the centre of it all; calm, like the eye of a hurricane, havoc spiralling around him. His white uniform was perfect, ordered, his curls immaculately preened, in stark contrast to the scene around him. Now, he picks his way through the chaos, undeterred by the pain and fear around him. Blood even spatters on to his suit, his cheek, his lips, and all he does is look enlivened, a sinful, crescent smile radiating across his face. He doesn’t even break his stride to swerve from the path of the confrontation, instead gracefully side-stepping. Wait, that’s it. He’s enjoying this.

He’s supercilious, full of it. Not even the slightest bit concerned that someone might shoot him. After all, who would dare to? He inspires a kind of reverence which dissuades challenge. You should shoot him, you know it, but you’re planted to the spot, completely arrested by the notorious figure. Commander Dameron of the First Order. You’d heard stories of some of his more brutal victories and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t harbour a twisted sort of admiration for the man. From what you’d heard he was formidable, cruel, almost monstrous.

By the time he notices you, it’s as if you are caught up in the eye of the storm too. The chaos winds around you both as you lock eyes, facing each other off. But this is his hurricane, and you feel no illusion of safety or control. His gaze had snapped to you, cutting through you as quickly and ruthlessly as the slash of a knife. You still feel the piercing glint of his eyes even after he has looked away from you, towards a stormtrooper manhandling someone out of a nearby building, kicking them to the dirt at the Commander’s feet.

The captive’s family, mere shapes to you at this point, huddle and sob, held back by a contingent of the remaining armed troops. Even then you cannot look away from him. Not even as he grabs the man and drags him along the floor by the scruff of his jacket, dropping him face first in front of you and planting a boot to his back, pinning him in the dirt.

Then, here he is, face-to-face with you. The only one in the street who has been stupid enough not to have fled already. Of course, apart from those held against their will. Although, you feel you have been held against your will in some sense; he has you rooted firmly where you stand, a prisoner by his willing it alone.

“Don’t Resistance fighters reckon themselves to be heroes?” If his eyes were knives his voice is the honeyed trap of a predator, tempting you on to his teeth. Conscientiously, he licks the blood from his lips which had been spattered there. The gesture should repulse you. It should.

He doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t have to. His point is made. Your heroism is lacking. You’re not running, but you’re not helping either. You’re not fighting. He sneers, teeth glisten like a hunter toying with its prey.

Then, he whistles, and with a well-practised wave of his hand signals his desired formation to the stormtroopers. They have every vantage point covered. If you were about to do something, heckin’ anything at all would probably be a solid improvement. You suddenly remember you are holding a blaster, at least, and begin to bring it up to meet his chest, feeling like you should.

“Ah ah.” He scolds “Drop that.”

You drop it. You don’t even hesitate. You probably shouldn’t have done so, but he’s so charismatic, captivating, that you think you might do anything he told you to. That’s it then. You are officially done for and that’s all it took. You weren’t worthy of the Resistance after all. The Commander smiles though. And that makes you feel worthy.

“Good, sugar. Obedient, aren’t you? I like that. Helps me get what I want.” Why do his words twist a tight knot into the pit of your stomach? Why do you feel keen to please him and have him praise you again? You could climb inside the cave of his mouth and have him bite you like ripe fruit. A deep shame surfaces at the thought of how willingly you submit to him.

He releases his foot from between the captive’s shoulder blades and flicks his hand; the troopers fit the prisoner with stun cuffs and cart him off towards a speeder as the Commander walks right up to you. You don’t flinch, you barely react -how pathetic are you?- even as he puts himself almost nose-to-nose with you. His lips quirk in amusement. His eyes scrutinise you, pupils dilated and black as gunmetal. You fall into them, a dark pit you can’t climb out of. You’ll never see the light of day again. “I don’t even have to tell you to look at me. I like that too.” His voice makes you clench deep down inside.

A flush spreads across your cheeks as he smiles at you a little too knowingly. He knows he’s handsome. He can blatantly tell you know it too. It’s somewhat humiliating. But at this point you barely care if he humiliates you. The Commander’s eyes flash with anger as an impatient stormtrooper interupts; “Perhaps we should move towards the...” The superior man raises his hand, signalling he requires silence, his eyes fluttering closed. He gets what he wants. You figure he mostly does. And then, he casually trails the back of his raised hand over your cheek, where your face burns hot. His touch is feather light but even that is enough. “Am I making you flushed?”

“Don’t touch me.” You say weakly, not even sure that you mean it. You silently admonish yourself for your weakness, but it changes nothing. 

“For a member of the Resistance. You’re not resisting very hard.”

“Would you enjoy it more if I resisted?”

You finally muster some sense of self and backhand him, as hard as you can across his face. The force of it throws his head to the side. Your heart pounds as you await whatever reaction you may have provoked. But all he does is bite his lip and laugh gently, as if he likes it. He’s high enough, on the battle, on spice, on you maybe, that he feels only a dull yet wicked throb of pain. It’ll take more than that. He tongues his lip and tastes that he is bleeding. “I’ve half a mind to make you lick this off. But I think you might enjoy that.” Your face grows hotter. Are you so transparent? You feel like he could offer you what you want and you would gladly beg for it.

Another impatient stormtrooper asks if they should stun-cuff you too. The Commander simply crouches and picks up your blaster, pocketing it. 

“No. Let her go back to her base knowing she did nothing but moon over me. Fan out and shoot any survivors.” He says coldly, turning his back on you.

“No!” You finally shout, voice thick, the spell broken. You’re not sure whether you’re protesting the order or him leaving. You’ve never seen anyone so delicious. Either way, you know it is futile. “You can’t!”

He whips his head back to you and grabs you by the hair at the nape of your neck. “I can do whatever I want.” He puckers his bloodied lips, planting an iron kiss to your mouth. In payback for his bust lip he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth and bites down until he tastes the fresh tang of blood. A cry of pain and only partially of pleasure escapes you. His eyes darken at the sound, even as you spit a mouthful of blood across the lapels of his white uniform.

“You’ll pay for that insolence.” he promises, voice silk. “You’ll pay in ways I like.” His hand still clutching harshly at your hair, a moan escapes your lips, your body responding readily to his suggestion as well as the pain sparking across your scalp. He swallows thickly, his composure slipping ever so slightly, before he swivels on his boots and tracks back the way he came from.

You feel the sting of him on your lip long after he’s left. You’re guessing he also feels the same sensation. A reminder of your enemy. A reminder that you did nothing. You froze. You’re not sure how you will explain this one away, but you manage to, somehow, and get through the debrief once back at base.

What’s even harder to justify is that when you get back to the safety of your bunk, your hand winds down below your waistband and between your legs. You imagine Commander Dameron whispering lewd orders into the shell of your ear, praising you as he makes you pay in ways he likes.

You end a trembling, wet mess, and afterwards, you feel disgusted with yourself. Lusting after a Commander of the First Order seems unforgiveable. But something about what’s forbidden also feels exhilarating to you. You might be a “rebel” but he was right, you always were so obedient. A small part of you dearly wants to break the rules. It’s just a harmless fantasy, right? It can’t hurt, can it? At least, not if you stay in the eye of the hurricane.

You feel such violent delight at the prospect.

[karajaynetoday]

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose | ashton irwin

image source 

hello friends! yes it is after 2am in my timezone, OOPS. But the inspiration struck, and the writing gods blessed me with motivation and words, so here’s part 3 of charlie rose, ten fingers, ten toes. apologies for any typos, i’m a lil delirious right now. Thank you so much to everyone for their lovely feedback and shares with the previous parts. Also shout out to any Friday Night Lights fans who got a lil kick out of the title of this one lol. Enjoy!

Read Part 1 here | Read Part 2 here 

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: none

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

After your quiet moment of togetherness on the beach that evening, you felt more comfortable around Ashton than ever before. Previously small touches were held for longer; instead of accidentally waking up in each other’s arms, you purposefully went to sleep that way; and Ashton’s hand slipped into yours whenever he could manage it.

Charlie Rose still crept into your bedroom every morning for her favourite snuggles, and then she began joining her Uncle Ashton out on the deck for some morning yoga every day as well (which was possibly the cutest thing you had EVER seen). Charlie tried her best to follow all of his poses and stay as quiet as she could, but her favourite part was when the yoga was over and Uncle Ashton used her as a body weight for his push-ups and bench presses, bopping her nose between each rep and earning a giggle in response. Again, a contender for the cutest thing you’d ever seen. 

You spent your days on the beach or relaxing in the villa, and your nights eating out and then stargazing on the deck. You were getting far too used to paradise, and you had to keep reminding yourself that the holiday would soon come to an end. You noticed Ash spending more and more time looking at emails on his phone as your time in Maui progressed, and it started you thinking about how busy his life was about to become. Tour was kicking off a few weeks after you were due to return from Hawaii, which meant Ashton would be criss-crossing all over the US for a few months, before a short break and then heading to Europe and eventually Australia. 

As you watched him build yet another sandcastle with Charlie on a lazy afternoon, you realised just how much effort Ash was putting into spending time with Charlie and making memories with her. Of course, you’d had a lot of Charlie Rose quality time as well, and spent some nice one-on-one time with Alice that you hadn’t really had since Charlie had arrived (naturally, Alice had tried her best to pry information from you about exactly what was going on between you and Ashton, but you didn’t quite know yourself yet, so you’d brushed it off the best you could). But Ashton had barely gone a few weeks without seeing Charlie her entire life, and especially now that she was a little bit older, she was definitely going to know that he was away, and you weren’t quite sure how she’d take it. You also weren’t sure how you’d take it, either. 

Your mind was running into overdrive with increasing anxieties, and you just didn’t know how to voice any of them. On your final night in Maui, after another incredible beachside dinner and a trip to get Charlie’s favourite ice cream, you were folding clothes from the dresser into your suitcase quietly while Ashton was in the shower. You know you needed to talk to him about how you were feeling, but not quite knowing what that even was was driving you up the wall. You hated the overbearing sense of uncertainty. Did Ashton even want something more than a holiday romance from you? You’d only kissed again a handful of times, and despite increasing tension between you, the only thing happening beneath the sheets of your shared bed was some very wholesome spooning (not that you were complaining). Was more-than-friends even on the table? Did you want it to be on the table? Could you handle months of Ashton being away on tour, and the critical eye of his fans and the media? Were you reading into everything too much? Oh god, why were you like this?

You were snapped out of your trainwreck of thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and in your peripheral vision you saw Ashton step out with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his hips. You busied yourself with folding more clothes, but your hands faltered as you felt Ashton come closer, and you sucked in a breath when he slipped his arms around your waist and pulled your back against his bare chest. 

“Why are you packing already, darlin’? We’ve still got the whole night to enjoy.” Ash whispered against your ear, before pressing soft kisses down one side of your neck. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, before all of the anxiety you’d been grappling with came flooding back into your mind and without meaning to, your entire body tensed up. Ashton immediately sensed the change in your demeanour, and stopped what he was doing. He let go of your hips, and gently tilted your head to face him.

“What’s on your mind?” He tried gently, knowing that you hated confrontation (Ashton’s love for it was a huge part of what intimidated you in your first few interactions all those years ago). 

You sighed, before turning around to face him completely as you perched on the edge of the bed. Ashton sat down next to down, and loosely linked his hand with yours. 

“What… what are we, Ash?” You whispered, not wanting to meet his gaze as your heart started beating faster and faster.

“What do you want us to be?” Ashton countered, squeezing your hand softly.

“I want…” You trailed off, closing your eyes and inhaling deeply. “I want us to be as close as we are, always. I want to have you by my side, while we get to be Charlie’s godparents and watch her grow up and support her achieving her dreams. I want everything we’ve had in Maui, and I want more, but I just… I don’t know how this all works, once we’re back in LA and I’m stuck working a 9-5 while you’re touring the world meeting incredible, probably attractive people, and then I started thinking about what would happen with Charlie if we didn’t work out and I… I don’t know how to make this work. “ Oh god, you were rambling now, but every anxiety that had crossed your mind in the last few days was tumbling out and you couldn’t stop it now.

Ash waited for you to stop talking, and took your other hand in his. 

“That’s all valid, babe. I don’t know how this works either. I’ve had relationships while I’ve been on the road before, sure, but this is different. Because it’s us. You… You mean more to me than anyone else, but I know it’s scary. For both of us.” Ashton said softly, raising your hands to his face and kissing them. 

“Charlie’s going to be important to both of us for the rest of our lives. We’re going to be there for her, like you said, and that means we’re also unavoidably going to be around each other. If we date and it doesn’t work out, we can’t let that get between us being the best godparents Charlie Rose could ever have, because I know we both love that little girl more than anything… but, I also don’t want to let the fear of us not working out hold us back from even trying, you know?” 

Damn it. Why did he always have to be so wise? A wordsmith, of sorts. 

“I know, Ash. I know it shouldn’t hold me back, and I’ve let fear hold me back from a lot of things, too many things…” You paused, as your mind flashed back to the last time you had a serious conversation about a relationship with someone. Someone who’d ripped your heart out and stomped on it several times over. You shook your head, trying to shake away the memories. 

“But I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to give us a chance. I do. But I’m a little out of practice at this, and the last time I tried, it didn’t go so well.” You grimaced, as the flashbacks continued no matter how hard you tried to block them out. 

“And I respect that you’re going to need time to feel comfortable with whatever this is. I can’t promise to wait forever, but I can tell you that right now I’ll give this a chance, if you’ll let me.” Ashton spoke firmly, ducking down to meet your eyes.

“Okay. But slowly, right?” You looked at Ash properly for the first time all night, and his hazel eyes gazed back at you steadily, with a glint of excitement at your agreement. 

“Slowly. I will cancel the romantic beachside dinner with a string quartet, and put a hold on asking you to move in the minute we land at LAX.” Ashton said solemnly, before cracking a grin at what must’ve been a slightly panicked expression on your face. 

“I’m kidding, you dork. We’ll take it slow. I’m going to be gone for a while anyway, so we’ll have to kind of take it slow thanks to circumstance anyway. But you’ve got to let me take you out a few times before then, deal?” Ashton stuck his hand out, and you shook it, rolling your eyes at his antics.

“Pleasure doing business with you. Now then, I should probably put some pants on…” Ashton murmured, looking around the room for his clothes and getting up from the bed to pull some shorts out of his suitcase by the door. You were, quite frankly, ogling his toned back and shoulder muscles, when a knock at the door snapped you back to reality.

“Charlie wants both of you to come read her bedtime story, please!” Alice’s voice sounded through the door, sounding tired and a little on edge. For a tiny human, Charlie sure knew how to make a big performance out of bedtime. Ashton finished getting dressed, and he tugged your hand into his as you made your way over to Alice and James’s room where Charlie was snuggled into her cot. Tonight’s book of choice was from the Little Feminist collection you’d bought Charlie when she was a baby, and you read all about Malala, and Ruth, and Frida, and Rosa, until her little eyes closed and her breathing steadied. You and Ashton took turns to lean into the crib and kiss Charlie’s forehead silently, before making your way back to your own bedroom for one last sleep before your scheduled return to Los Angeles. 

Leaving Maui felt much harder than arriving - not helped by the tantrum Charlie threw when you explained there was no time for yoga or sandcastles. After James had calmed her down and negotiated one final quick walk on the beach while the rest of you checked out of the hotel, you made your way to the airport and onto the first flight and then the second with ease. You’d learnt your lesson from the previous long-haul flight, and Ashton had downloaded a few more Charlie-friendly apps onto his iPad that she happily engaged with. She barely left Ashton’s side for the whole flight, and you started to wonder if she’d sensed his impending departure on tour. Sure, Charlie was only small, but her emotional intelligence was remarkable (I mean, as her godmother you were maybe a little biased, but maybe you had a child prodigy on your hands, who knows?!) and you weren’t looking forward to seeing them bid each other farewell in a week or so. 

You and Alice shared an iPad and watched a few episodes of Friday Night Lights. It was one of your favourite shows that you’d binged watched together one summer, and rewatching it brought you comfort (and a fair dose of fangirling over Tim Riggins, and a recurring debate on whether or not he should’ve ended up with Lyla or Tyra). It was an emotional rollercoaster, and the small town of Dillon in the show reminded you of the one you’d grown up in (albeit a little more Texan, and a bit more enthusiastic about American football specifically). After landing at LAX and disembarking, you made your way to the long term parking garage and helped James and Alice load their luggage and Charlie into their car. You were about to get in yourself, when Ashton cleared his throat behind you.

“Can I give you a lift? You’re just around the corner from me, it’s not out of the way.” Ashton said brightly, pre-empting any excuses that you were about to come out with about you being a bother. You agreed, and he took your suitcase from your hands and led you towards his car that was parked nearby. The car ride home was quiet, and when Ashton pulled into your driveway, you didn’t want to unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car. Because that would mean that the magic of vacation was truly over, and you didn’t like that idea at all. 

“Come on, slow poke. I’ll help you carry your stuff inside.” Ashton tapped your nose, disrupting your internal dialogue. You reluctantly followed his lead and got out of the car and headed inside, groaning to yourself about the idea of having to do laundry and all of your unattended life admin the next day, to ready yourself for a return to work on Monday. Ashton pulled your suitcase into your bedroom, and laughed when you flopped down onto the bed and moan in annoyance into the pillow.

“Post-holiday blues, gorgeous?” His tone was teasing, and you could hear the stupid smirk on his face. 

“Not all of us have the luxury of a rockstar lifestyle, Irwin. No more late nights or sleep ins for me. Back to the daily grind.” You sighed, pushing yourself up onto your elbows at the edge of the bed.

“Well…” Ash crouched down so your faces were level. “How about I make it a bit less of a travesty by taking you to brunch tomorrow? Just us.” He shot you a wink as he spoke.

“Just us?” You felt yourself smiling, and oh yes, there were those butterflies again.

“Just us. Pick you up at ten.” Ashton beamed as you nodded, and he quickly pressed his lips to yours before you could say anything in response. You reached up and linked your hands behind his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Ashton caught onto your arms and untangled them, before pulling away.

“Slowly, remember? Gotta keep something up my sleeve for you, darlin’.” Ashton smirked, pressing one final kiss to your lips and standing up to his full height. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten. Sweet dreams, babe!” He shot you another wink, and strolled right out of your bedroom without another word. Damn, he had you good. 

Brunch was delightful, there was no other way to describe it. Conversation between you and Ashton flowed easily, but there was also comfort and content in the silences you shared as well, sipping coffee and eating your smashed avocado. Ashton had a few days of final rehearsals and meetings this week before flying out for the first tour date on Friday. On Thursday, you were scheduled to babysit Charlie, and you’d suggested to Ash that perhaps you could go to the nearby park and play on the playground. He’d agreed, and was going to see if Calum wanted to come along and bring Duke. Charlie Rose loved her godparents, but she also loved dogs, especially ones that were a little more Charlie-size friendly. She did not love Calum (yet), but that was mostly because he liked to rile her up with arguments about who Ashton’s best friend was (logically, it was Calum, but emotionally, Charlie was definitely giving him a run for his money). 

On Thursday the sun was shining, so you headed to the park with a bubbly and chatty Charlie Rose in tow (once you’d ensured you’d both slip, slop, slapped for sun safety, of course). Charlie had insisted on wearing her brand new overalls that Alice had hand-embroidered her name and a series of colourful roses onto, and a bright yellow sunhat to match her seemingly sunny disposition. The park was fairly empty when you arrived, and you easily spotted Ashton and Calum resting on a park bench by the swings. Charlie spotted them also, and tugged on your hand for permission to run over, which you gave her.

“Charlie Rose! How’s my best girl?” Ashton’s voice boomed across the park, as he lifted Charlie up into a hug and then swung her around, causing Charlie to shriek with excitement. You reached the park bench and set down the tote bag you’d brought along, and Cal stood up to hug you hello with Duke in his arms. 

“Thank god you’re here, mate. We were starting to get some weird looks from the mums over there.” Cal muttered, pulling away from you and setting Duke down on the ground.

“Duke! My best puppy!” Charlie yelped excitedly, wriggling out of Ashton’s arms to greet her favourite furry friend, who patiently stood still while she petted him softly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Gentle, Charlie,” You reminded, crouching down to her level. “Did you say hi to Cal? He brought Duke to the park, just for you.” You gently prompted, smiling encouragingly at your goddaughter, who eyed you suspiciously before fixing Calum with a glare. 

“Hi. I guess.” 

You had to stop yourself from cracking up at Charlie’s blunt tone in greeting Calum, and you could see Ashton doing the same. Cal just smiled at Charlie, before producing a tennis ball from his back pocket and offering it to her.

“Wanna play fetch with Duke, Charlie? I’ll let you have the first throw…” Cal offered cautiously. Charlie grabbed the ball from his hand and bounded off with Duke on his lead, and Calum scrambled to follow her. 

“You got it, Cal?” Ash called after him, half-serious, half-laughing.

“Yep! Got it! We’ll be best friends in NO TIME, just you wait!” Calum called back, as Charlie stopped a few metres from him. She liked to push the boundaries sometimes, but Charlie Rose also knew the rules, and not to go too far from her grown ups when you were out and about. 

Countless rounds of fetch, a few turns on the swings and one too many trips down the slide (both Calum and Ashton almost got completely stuck) later, it was time to take Charlie back home so that James could come by after work and collect her. Ashton offered to walk you back, and Charlie clapped her hands in delight when he let her climb onto his back for the journey home. She kissed Duke goodbye and mumbled some sort of farewell to Calum (which was progress), and you headed out of the park towards your house.

You’d noticed that Ash had grown reserved on the walk, but he was still listening intently to the story Charlie was telling him about how proud she was of Duke for learning how to play fetch. When you arrived home, he set Charlie down on the couch with an exaggerated groan and a kiss to the forehead, before heading into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. You followed, sensing that something was up. Ashton was facing away from you at the sink, but he didn’t flinch or react when you brushed a hand along his shoulders reassuringly.

“You okay?” You asked quietly, trying to meet his gaze.

“Yep. Just gotta do the pre-tour goodbyes to my two favourite girls. Sucks, but no avoiding it.” Ashton said, his tone laced with sadness. He gulped down the rest of the water in the glass, and set it on the sink, before turning to you and pulling you into a brief hug.

“Time to rip the bandaid off.” Ash whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head before heading back into the living room.

“Charlie Rose, can I talk to you for a second?”

Charlie looked up from where she was playing on the floor with a teddy bear you kept here for her, and cocked her head to one side, eyeing Ashton curiously.

“I suppooooose.” She drawled out, making you chuckle. This child had a flair for the dramatics. Ashton crossed the floor of the living room and picked up Charlie, sitting her on his lap as he settled onto the couch.

“Do you remember how I get to play my drums with Calum, Luke and Michael?” He asked slowly, brushing the hair that had come loose from Charlie’s pigtails out of her eyes. She nodded, looking up at him curiously.

“Okay, good. So, there are lots of people that like to hear us play, all over the world. And that means I have to go away for a little while, so we can play our music for them.” Ashton continued, and you could tell he was struggling to keep it together. 

“Oh! So we get to go on more airplanes, like Maui?” Charlie said, excited at the prospect of another adventure.

“You don’t get to come with me this time, Charlie Rose. Maybe you and auntie, and mama and dada can come visit me for a bit of it, but I’m going to go by myself for a little while. But I promise I’ll still FaceTime you lots, and read you stories, and you can tell me all about your adventures with auntie, okay?” Ashton was trying to keep his voice calm and steady, but it was starting to waver, especially as the realisation dawned on Charlie Rose and her bottom lip began to wobble. Ashton noticed, and pulled Charlie in close, whispering reassurances into her ear and rubbing her back as she began to sniffle into his shoulder. 

“What about auntie?” Charlie asked, her voice muffled into Ashton’s shoulder. You sat down on the couch next to Ashton, and rubbed a hand along Charlie’s shoulders.

“What about me, Charlie Rose? I’m not going anywhere, lovebug.” You coaxed reassuringly, giving Charlie a small smile when she turned to look at you and rub her face.

“Yeah, but… but won’t you b-b-be sad that Uncle Ashta’s gone too?” She hiccuped, looking at you with worried eyes and a frown, as her tiny mind tried to process everything that was happening. You saw Ash glance at Charlie in wonder, but then admiration, when he realised what she was trying to say. 

“You’re right, lovebug. I will miss him,” You began, pausing to note the flicker of a smile that crossed Ashton’s face. “But, just like you, I’ll get to call him on the phone heaps, and then maybe we can go and visit him on tour, won’t that be fun?” You tried to speak as brightly as you could muster, but you could feel the anxiety and emotion starting to build in your own chest. If only you could get away with throwing a temper tantrum, but alas.

“Mmm, fun. But… how will you sleep?” Charlie asked, confused.

“What do you mean, bug?” Ashton asked, bopping her on the nose which made her wrinkle her face in confusion. 

“How will you sleep without snuggles?” Charlie asked so innocently that you had to stifle a laugh and partly a cry, because honestly, you had no idea how you were going to cope with the next month or so apart from Ashton. It seemed silly, given you’d been friends for literally years before this, but something had shifted in those close moments you’d shared in Maui, and the sense of content you’d found with Ashton at brunch and the park and other places in between was going to be hard to go without.

“It’s going to be tricky, Charlie, you’re right. But remember, you can always feel your loved ones and how much they care about you, even if they’re not with you, right? And you can do anything you set your mind to, can’t you?” You said softly, as Charlie reached over to you for a hug and pulled you closer to Ashton in the process.

“Yes, we can.” She mumbled, giving you and Ashton slobbery cheek kisses in response.

“What does mama say to auntie when I get frustrated or sad, can you remember?” You prompted, returning Charlie’s kiss on the cheek.

“Oh! Clear hearts, full eyes, can’t lose!” She exclaimed, proud of herself for remembering. You laughed, and Ashton joined you, throwing his arms around you and Charlie in one warm embrace.

“Almost, lovebug. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.” 

You knew getting through these next few months was going to be a challenge, but in that moment, it felt like you were ready for anything that the universe was going to throw your way. 

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[jawnkeets]

How are you so clever??? I’m new to your blog and I’ve been looking at your posts (not in a stalkery way but because they’re so cool) and you seem super intelligent! Like you always reference things I’ve never heard of and use fancy words and it’s just really awesome. How did you get so clever? Do you read a lot or are you just naturally clever? If it’s from reading then what books would you recommend to someone who’s interested in literature and also broadening their general knowledge? Thanks

awwww. well thanks for the lovely ask!! this is way too much detail bc i’m procrastinating work but

i read a ton as a kid, mostly horror books - i was obsessed with the supernatural, and especially vampires, and the idea of things changing into other things (in a magical way, but also stories where characters develop and end up very different, tales of betrayal etc). my favourite series when i was little was the spiderwick chronicles, followed a little later by the saga of darren shan. i didn’t read any classic literature at all though, as i’d decided i hated it for some reason. as a kid i always prided myself on my creativity/ imagination rather than my intelligence (it’s a distinction i’d always drawn and still do after a fashion), but i was and have always been obsessive, and also used to sit and play memory games for hours, too; i remember one where i’d have a list of cards and i’d put one down, say what it was, turn it over, add another one, say what the previous one and this one was, turn them over, and continue until i couldn’t remember every single card in order, and then i’d start again. i wrote a lot, especially poetry, and used a thesaurus often because i loved words. i had a very very vivid imagination and refused to live in the real world until the age of about 11 or 12. then from 14 onwards i read almost nothing (apart from like idk two of the hunger games books) until i was 17, when i finally started reading classic literature, triggered by the great gatsby, which changed my attitude to learning completely. until then i’d despised secondary school partly because of the way learning was presented (i got good grades at gcse but went through the syllabus and exams mechanically with little genuine love) and partly for… other reasons, and had almost given up on taking academics seriously. but i got very lucky and had an incredible english teacher throughout sixth form, who encouraged me to take risks and break from methodical, formulaic writing. at the end of the first essay i had to do for him i still remember that he wrote ‘literature is for you. now and always. carry on.’ at the bottom, and that changed my life. he also introduced me to philip larkin and romantic poetry outside of class. after that, i was gripped by the desire to read and discover as much about the humanities as i could, make links between works, discover new ones, recover the feeling that i was possessed by after finishing gatsby. tumblr genuinely helped with art, literature quotes, and making it all seem accessible, e.g. seeing text posts making jokes about shakespeare, keats, etc helped to demystify a bit. yes, dark academia, i’m also looking at you for making learning seem exciting, but tentatively and with narrowed eyes. general knowledge-wise, it helped me to begin to break down the barriers between ‘subjects’ at school (even if you’ve left school, it’s pretty branded into our brains); they’re sometimes very fuzzy and even arbitrary, and to separate into strictly-defined categories like this is not the only way learning can or should happen.

a work that i thoroughly recommend to everyone who asks where to start is letters to a young poet by rainer maria rilke. he relates so perfectly this idea that the first step is to let yourself be filled with how amazing and vast the world is, and how much there is to read, listen to, and see. that’s not something you can learn from reading, and it’s not something you can be taught by anyone (unless being inspired by someone counts). it’s instrumentally important because it will drive you, but i also think it’s inseparable from understanding (and to me, it is understanding, just understanding without the right words yet). this is the highlight, and it was the mantra stuck up on my wall at 17 when i decided i wanted to learn, and learn seriously:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

i was relatively articulate before i started reading the classics/ reading widely, but not exceptionally articulate. here’s an example of two essay openings - one i wrote when i was 16, and one i wrote during my first term at university (2 years apart):

i’d say that since then my essays have probably improved by a similar proportion, as i’m as embarrassed to read the second as i was the first when i wrote the second, and the typos r annoying me (am too embarrassed to post recent writing :’( - doesn’t count if over a year and a half ago, hence posting the second :p). obviously, then, this isn’t natural intelligence (everyone has to get knowledge, big words, etc from somewhere, right?), this is natural receptivity and willingness to learn, which i genuinely believe anyone can gain at any point, coupled with A LOT of reading the opinions of others (i.e. literary criticism and theory), and reading literature from many different periods to discover how language is moulded by individual poets and by ‘eras’ more widely. but this is also synthesising everything i absorb into a personal vision (this is the hill i will die on soz i don’t think theory should be ‘objective’ like what does that even mean). you can and should put yourself into it!

in terms of what to read - if you like the rilke (really hope you do!!) then depending on what you like about it, you can search from there. try some of rilke’s poetry. or if you like that ineffable feeling it brings, try the romantics (keats’ ‘ode to a nightingale’ and blake’s songs of innocence and experience are good to start with!), or larkin’s ‘high windows’ and ‘the mower’. also try shakespeare’s hamlet, because that is INCREDIBLE (watching it is always easier, and the more shakespeare you watch/ read the easier it gets! andrew scott’s hamlet is the best imo). from there it’s a question of asking what you liked about what you just read (time period/ vibe/ themes/ subject/ style of writing) and finding things similar - often google works and i made use of it a lot to start with, tumblr too, otherwise ask people who you know (on the internet/ teachers/ friends etc). this is a personal journey, especially to begin with, i think (you have to jump in somewhere), and there’s no one who can give you a list of books to read in the order best for you, because - annoyingly, i know - that’s something it’s best if each individual works out through trial and error, and part of the fun in truth. there are western canon lists out there, e.g., which contain some fabulous works, but have very obvious problems. 

a really really rough chronological development of english lit: beowulf, any of the canterbury tales, hamlet, paradise lost, pope’s satire, romantic poetry, victorian novels (e.g. david copperfield, jane eyre), the waste land, waiting for godot (it would also help to read the iliad, the aeneid, and metamorphoses too, and as much of the bible as you can, especially genesis, exodus, isaiah, job, and the gospels, but genesis and the gospels first if ur stuck/ overwhelmed). this is the lightest of pencil sketches, but if they’re works that go some way towards defining each ‘era’ or ‘period’, then it becomes a little easier to search for works branching off from these that are influenced by or chafe against them. you can always come back to me if you’re struggling with what to look for next :+) also, i have a list of my poetry favs, if you want to check that out (it includes the stuff mentioned in the previous paragraph, as well as others).

hope this helps (?!) ❤️

[imagineurfavs]

VICTON - When They Get Jealous

“Hi! I need a Victon when they are jealous omg I love your blog 😍”

A/N - i just went with the typical, “you’re hanging out with someone who they dont like” kinda trope lol

o/p = other person lol

I apologise if there’s any typos or if it’s just shit, i wrote this whilst i was ill and cba to proofread it tbh soz.

-----------------------------------------------------

Seungwoo: Would try and play off his jealousy as him just being concerned for you. “I just don’t think they’re a good person for you to hang out with y/n” Would probably get super pouty with you if you try and convince him otherwise. Don’t be surprised if he wants to tag along with you whenever you go and see the other person.

Seungsik: He trusts you totally, it’s the other person he doesn’t. Tries to be sneaky and would probably suggest a friend for you to introduce them to so that “maybe we can actually have some time to ourselves now y/n”. Probably secretly has words with the other person and issues a stern warning to not overstep and boundaries.

Chan: I really don’t think Chan is the type to ever get outright jealous over anything, not the type of jealousy that sticks around for a while anyway. If he ever found himself getting jealous, he’d probably just outright tell you. “Listen, y/n I just really don’t like that you’re hanging out with o/p...” He’d make it known that he has zero problem with you hanging out with anyone, as long as you dong forget about him.

Sejun: He won’t really get outright jealous for the most part. HOWEVER. The second he feels like you’re not giving him enough attention, prepare to be fully sassed out tbh. He’ll turn into a stroppy child every time you talk about this other person. He’d literally be like the living embodiment of tHaT sPoNgEbOb MemE!!1!

Hanse: Honestly he’s probably the only member that would get super jealous, and not be afraid to show it. He just wants you all to himself. He knows hes being dumb and overreacting but he just can’t help himself. Moody. Quiet. Stroppy. Sarcastic. And just a whole hassle to deal with. 

Byungchan: P E T T Y. Definitely a tit-for-tat kinda guy. You’ll probably find that he’s hanging out with way more people just to see if he can make you feel the same way he does. If he doesn’t see you getting pissed with him maybe then he’ll realise “ah...maybe I was being immature....maybe..”

(i couldnt find literally any suitable gifs so just enjoy ya boy looking fine af lol)

Subin:  He’s not the best at talking about his emotions so he’s definitely the type to give you the silent treatment. He just gets super sulky with you and wont talk to you about whats bothering him at all; you’ll have to really press him. In the end he’d probably just blurt out “idkijust...i think...ithinkyourehangingoutwitho/ptoomuchandifeelkindaleftout”.

(ik he’s the most adorable thing on the planet, but try your best to ignore seungsik in this gif lol)

[malecftw]

Shawn taking care of you when you’re tipsy

A/N: I didn’t wanna put full on drunk cause that could trigger problematic memories and shit for people who went through a situation involving alcohol abuse so I just wanna make clear this story is in no way meant to be viewed as problematic cause it’s not the plot. I wrote this when tipsy (aka literally now) so no proofreading literally just my thoughts and plot with no editing whatsoever. Also probs a lot of typos, I’ll proofread and edit in the morning I’m just in a state of I want this story, I need this story. My apologies to the people who will read it before the proofreading has been done I’m also rambling lol soz hope you like it lemme know 

Masterlist.

You heard the familiar buzzing noise as you pressed the button at the entrance of the building. Shawn didn’t even bother talking to you, he just allowed you to enter and made his way downstairs as you grasped at the walls for any sort of guidance as the room or better yet hallway was spinning.

You didn’t realize how long it took you to put one foot in front of the other since out of nowhere your boyfriend showed up. He was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his bedhead evident and a t-shirt quickly thrown over his naked torso as he made eye contact with you. You grinned up at him lazily and you couldn’t control yourself. You forgot how dizzy you were feeling, you just wanted to be in his arms. Which is exactly where you ended up as you stumbled over your own feet in your hurry to get to him. Thankfully he managed to catch you before your face made a very hard impact with the ground.

‘Easy there tiger,’ he laughed softly, careful as to not wake the neighbors. ‘Rawr,’ you said jokingly. You tried to be seductive in your response but failed miserably. ‘You had a good time babe?’ He asked as he dragged you into the elevator, careful to not let you go in fear of your lack of balance making a reappearance. ‘Yesss! I missed you though.’ You said excitedly, followed by a pout when you realized he wasn’t there with you. He grinned at how fast you could switch moods when you were drunk. Not that you were boring when sober, but drunk you was definitely a whole other adventure.

‘I’m hot.’ You exclaimed loudly before starting to take your top off in the elevator. He quickly jumped up from leaning against the cold metal to stop you from stripping. ‘Woah there. Let’s wait like 10 more seconds to do that okay.’ He said as he pulled at the bottom of your top. You obviously weren’t gonna win this battle so you just huffed and let yourself fall into him. He raised an eyebrow at the elevator door. That was (to his surprise) fairly easy. Then again, the night was long and he had no idea what it had in store for the both of you.

You shuffled through the door of his condo, already out of your skirt which Shawn carefully placed on one of the kitchen chairs, his main priority currently standing in the middle of the living room stripping with no shame whatsoever.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. It’s not that you were ever ashamed of your body, you just were a lot more reserved when sober. You’d never just take your clothes off in the middle of the living room. He kept a close eye on you, ready to intervene in case he saw you lose your balance again but other than that he just observed you. This was a whole new side of you he rarely saw since you practically never consumed alcohol, so of course, it didn’t take much to get you in your current state when you did drink.

After about 5 minutes of being in your own world, you just wanted Shawn. You looked around the room and saw him leaning against the wall looking at you with a smile. ‘Shawn!’ You yelled. He put his index finger in front of his lips and hushed you. You got the message but walked up to him, arms held open before you whispered: ‘Cuddles.’ He closed his eyes as he took you in his arms, grateful that he was still on your mind even in your hazy state. He carefully shuffled you both over to the bedroom, plopping you down onto the bed. He went to sit behind you, hands over your bra straps, hesitating as he waited for any objections you might have.

You didn’t say anything and just waited, catching on to what he was going to do. You didn’t mind. He’d seen you naked more than once and you knew you could trust him with your life. Never ever had he done anything without your consent and you felt completely assured that he wouldn’t start now. He waited a solid 20 seconds before unclasping your bra, noticing the involuntary goosebumps making their way up your body. It’s just the reaction he caused. 

He looked down as he took off his shirt. He never got tired of your body but the most respectful thing to do right now was not sneak a peak, even though he knew you wouldn’t mind.

‘Arms up,’ he said hoarsely, affected by your bare skin no matter how hard he tried to keep his composure. You smirked, knowing what you did to him but still followed his gentle command. The shirt that was on his body mere second ago now engulfed your naked upper body, the warmth enveloping you, the smell of Shawn still lingering. It was like getting a big hug from him, and although nothing could compare to the real thing it still made you bask in the feeling.

He got up as you crawled under the covers, you’d calmed down a lot from your earlier, very excited and energetic state of mind and now you were reading to enjoy a good night’s sleep with your lover.

You heard the soft clink of a glass being put down on your bedside table and the rustling of a blister of painkillers as he gently lowered them down next to the glass. After that he crawled into bed with you, immediately grabbing you closer cause he knew that’s what you wanted. 

He kissed the top of your head and rubbed soothing circles on your side, making you fall asleep in seconds as he thought about how much you meant to him. He stared at you for a little bit longer, realizing he was far gone and he’d never not be there to catch you when you stumble.

A/N 2.0: thank Grammarly for alot of corrected typos tonight wahoow lets give it up for grammarly

[imo-chan-imagines]

Wait Your Turn | Haikyuu!! Drabble

Atsumu × fem!reader × Osamu

Warnings: 18+, smuttt, this is filthy and shouldn't exist, NOT twincest I don't write that but some lines are a little blurred that definitely SHOULDN'T BE but here we are, raw sex, creampie, taking turns, bit of voyeurism, rivalry sex, threesome?, maybe sorta treating you like a cum dumpster, but like a really really cute cum dumpster that they wanna love ♡, drabble

A/N: When will my thirst be quenched? Who knows. Certainly not me. I spoke to the the Lady Downstairs, and all I got was a bunch of vague answers that dodged the question, and then I was commanded to write this sinful thing you see before you. Yeah, this really shouldn't exist. But anyway, enjoy! And soz for any typos. Love ya! ♡

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

You struggle to take a breath as your flushed face is repeatedly pressed into the cushion on the floor, your knees wobbling with every forceful thrust from behind.

Atsumu grabs onto your hips even tighter, slamming his own against your ass, the head of his cock reaching the deepest he's been inside you yet.

You let out a whine that let's him know he's hitting that spot that'll make you cream around him. If he could just keep doing that, then he'd win for sure.

Atsumu grunts and groans as he refuses to slacken his pace. Your skin on your knees is burning, and you can feel the wetness of your saliva dripping out of your mouth onto the pillow beneath you.

The sensation of his cock moving back and forth against your walls, the fullness you feel with him stuffed into the hilt, feeling like you're being used so casually – it has you tightening around his throbbing shaft.

He curses under his breath, the sound of his cock slopping into your juices driving him insane.

He needs to hold it off, just a little longer.

Your legs give out underneath you, taking him down on top of you, but he doesn't care. He just keeps desperately fucking himself into you.

Across the room, Osamu kisses his teeth at the sight of his brother being so selfish and immature with you. Then again, maybe he just wants it to be his turn already.

You feel the burning shame of Osamu's eyes watching you getting fucked into the floor by his brother. It should make your horniness stop, make you push him off of you. Make you say no.

But it doesn't. It pushes you harder, faster, drawing you closer and closer to the edge, until–

The coil in your stomach snaps and your walls go into a spasm of ecstasy around him, your mind empty of everything but the feeling of his cock inside you.

"Fuck! C-cumming!" Atsumu breathes shakily, unable to hold back any more at the feeling of you orgasming around him, and spurts hot ropes of his cum inside you.

"Oi, jackass!" yells Osamu, wrenching his brother off of you.

But the damage is already done.

Osamu scowls at his brother before shoving him forcefully, making his back slam against the side of the bunk bed.

Atsumu stares at what he's done, his cum dripping out of you, then rolls back laughing when he realises what it means for his twin.

"Shut the hell up!" snaps Osamu, yanking his sweats and boxers off in one and slapping Astumu with them, hard.

Gently turning you over, Osamu runs his gaze up and down your tired body. Your pussy is pink, and raw, and drooling, your clit still puffy and engorged from arousal. His cock is already hard and twitching to feel you around him.

As you come around after your high, the first thing you see is his face, and you smile, before remembering exactly where you are and what you're doing.

"I'm going in now, 'kay?" he says, barely above a whisper, and just a little too eager as he lines up the dark tip with your entrance.

"Mhm," you mumble.

Pressing his hips forward, you feel the width of his cock stretching you out, his entry aided by the combined slick of your juices and Atsumu's cum.

Osamu grimaces at the sensation, disgusted with himself that it feels good, and desperately tries to focus of the feeling of your walls pulsing around him and not the stickiness you're full of.

He moves slowly, easing his whole length inside you, inch by inch. As he pauses, sucking in a breath as he bottoms out, you're already starting to clench around him, your mind still blank and groggy.

"Damn, 'Samu. Didn't know you were so kinky," says Astumu nonchalantly from the bed as he watches his brother's cock forcing out streams of gooey white from your pussy, unsure whether to be grossed out or impressed.

"Like I'd let your lousy ass win," Osamu retorts through a grunt.

As Osmau starts moving inside you, you can feel your sense slipping away. Your tongue is limp outside your mouth and your eyes are barely open as he fucks you, slowly and deeply, making your walls quiver around every little movement he makes.

Your sensitivity to his body, how well it responds to his movements, has him entranced. He can't get enough of it. He wants to see more.

Seeing you fading in and out, he stops, leans down and cups your face.

"Hey, don't pass out on me, Y/N," he says. "We still need ya to tell us which one of us is better. Or this'll all've been for nothin', and we'll have to do it all over again."

You moan a little, needily arching your hips up into him, your tight, little pussy sucking his cock just that little bit deeper inside you, desperate for him to start moving again; and he grins.

"Suck on these, angel," he says, sliding his first two fingers into your mouth, and watches as your lips curl around them, sucking on them as if they were his cock.

Maybe doing it all over again wouldn't be such a bad idea.

© imo-chan-imagines 2021

[just-some-random-blogger]

December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible 

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

so

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo 

Because i sure as hell am not 

So in case youre wondering 

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 

Prolly at midnight hi fam 

Again i dont make the rules 

Well just a btw Almost every 

Christmas tradition is pagan 

Like the tree 

The wreath 

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 

For not wanting to continue them on 

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 

But you wanted none of that

 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 

Wonwoo doesn't mind 

He thinks its cute 

Because it is a cute date idea 

Youtube tutorials 

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 

Yeah 

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 

You're glueing some popsicle sticks 

He's water coloring some designs in 

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 

It's all going great 

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 

For a moment u two dont speak 

And then you both brust into laughter 

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 

Your wolf drawing 

"That's a wolf?" 

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 

in personalized ugly sweaters 

And placed them all over the place 

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 

Its all very colorful 

And crafty 

And looking like a child made it 

Then like an imbecile 

U break into laughter 

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 

U end up roasting yourself 

Making fun of your sloppy handwork 

And wonwoo watches u 

with adoring eyes

 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 

You recive it from him and break into a smile 

"Is this us?" 

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur  crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

DK

 Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 

And since he 

And u u forgetful ass 

Forgot to go shopping for presents 

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 

Hurrah! 

But it was too eady for u two 

Like wtf 

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 

And shoping a day before Christmas 

pshhhhhhh 

Its a heartbeat

 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 

You knit your brows deeply at his words 

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 

So being the smarter one in the relationship 

"Uh no??" 

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 

"???? Whyyyyy?" 

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 

Tbh its super stressful 

wtf 

what kind of date is this 

Only morons would do this wtf 

Both of you got shoved constantly 

There wasnt really much space to move around 

And there wasnt really anything to choose from 

But hey guess what 

Seokmin found some really cool gifts 

"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts 

I mean theyre not bad

 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 

It was no contest.  

Seokmin defo won 

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 

U roll ur eyes 

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 

"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 

Which he does 

And when u get back 

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck 

And then forcefully turns u around 

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 

"Merry christmas jagi" 

Mingyu  

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 

uh and super lucky like fu-- 

BUT TODAY 

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 

Wow 

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

 and the sparkliest streamers 

"I have a vision," u explain 

Mingyu nods in understanding 

U and him lift the tree into the living room 

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 

Its all rly chill

 You lot are chatting about whatever 

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 

Yall shake ur butts 

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 

Except hes holding it over his head 

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 

So u step on his foot 

And punch his stomach 

And he bends down in reaction 

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back 

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 

*instert pikachu meme here* 

N then u get back towork 

Or i mean take a break 

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 

And then u get back to work 

"ok nows for the star" 

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther 

with his longass arms 

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 

BOI 

u suck in a breath 

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 

He give a face, "there are ways" 

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands 

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree 

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on 

And mingyu putz u down 

"Okay that was stressful" 

U punch him in the gut again 

The8  

Minghao is super tired 

But super looking forward to spending time with u 

So u defintely go on a date 

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies 

Set in december 

that has like mistletoe kisses 

And snow scenes 

And also those holiday specials

 For catroons 

And non cartoons 

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 

You pull out the laptop 

And get on netflix 

There's popcorn on 

And hot tea 

Or whatever the hell 

Its all just very warm 

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

 U coo and let him obvi 

taking unflattering pictures duh 

But also cute ones because 

#couplegoals 

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 

You end up watching non christmas themed films too 

Like toy story4 

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 

U feel ur cheeks brun at that 

but no he cant have that 

"I thought i was always cute" 

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 

U laugh at his reaction 

"Of course you're always cute" 

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 

"Were u always this gross?" 

Seungkwan 

Okay 

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 

i would first like to say i know 

and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 

and took u to a fancy restaurant 

Ok ur welcome 

But like even if it werent fancy 

U'd still like it 

cause holy guacamole 

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss 

LinDA 

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 

so he stops mid conversations 

just to take ur pic 

Its kinda annoyig 

but kinda cute 

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"

 Literally the bst hype man alive 

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 

And will make u pose for aethetics 

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 

And then oml  

Some moron tries to hit on u 

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 

would he actually do it i mean 

Like 

prolly Not 

but then again he looked really mad 

So u calm him down 

and u go bzck home 

And the cuddles 

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 

Vernon  

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like 

"Lets do a hot choco review" 

And buys 897 types of hot choco 

Or like ten 

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 

So ur like okay i like hot choco 

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 

and is chaotic 

Idek how u could get injured 

But hey 

It wasnt even the hot water invovled 

but the wrapping of the choco powder 

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not" 

Yall start reviewing anyway 

*insert try guys eugenes voice* 

Im rihght

 Ur wong 

Shut up 

After trying the first onw 

Ur like wow dis is good 

the second was even better 

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups 

And that u made so

much 

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like 

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 

n vernon was like 

???? 

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 

MIX THE REST IN 

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

 Shrug it off 

and get a cup of the hot choco mix 

"Tastes like corn" 

"Bish dafaq" 

Dino 

Yikes 

so 

Chan is a dumb ho 

and got himself sick at Christmas so 

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 

and its just you and him staying at home 

U personally dont mind 

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 

So you stay home and take care of him 

and all he can do is complain about everything 

about the cold 

his runny nose 

The lack of taste of the food

 His head ache 

The fact his bed is hot 

And that fact that u have to take care of him 

And treat him like a baby 

"I am not a baby" 

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 

You make him some hot cocoa 

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 

"Babybabybabybabybaby" 

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 

"Well das on u" 

And then u end up going ona glaring contest 

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 

"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 

You snarl and pinch his side 

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 

merry CHRISTMAS 

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

[kinkymagnus]

This is gonna long sorry lmao. So enkelimagnus just posted this AMAZING d/s malec fic and it got me thinking. Right so the way I see it, Alec likes to be dominant because of his day to day life. All day he has to tell people what to do but they never listen and people like Jace and such are always running of doing their own thing and people never listen to him. He's always just putting out fires so when it comes to sex, sometimes hi likes to just give a command and have it obeyed without- (1)

Question. He just wants to have someone listen to him and say "yes sir" and do what they've been told, and make him feel like he's in control of the situation. (Obviously Magnus reserves the right to stop at any point or say no if he doesn't like the situation). And Magnus also. As high warlock, his job is less about telling people what to do (though that does happen, but much less often and his job doesn't require that all the time) and more about making decisions.- (2)

He has to choose clients, and potions, and healing, and remedies and decide which treatment and what ailment has befallen this patient and blah blah blah and when it comes to sex and when it comes to Alec, be just wants all the decision making to be taken away from him, and for him to just be told what to do and when to do it and so he can be good and Alec makes sure he knows that he's being good. I really don't think malec are in a 24/7-the only sex they have is d/s- sorts relationship- (3)

But if they're both in the mood, then every once in a while this side of both of them comes out when they're stressed or something and they just play into each others needs and it's all really really perfect. Lmao sorry this is messy and soz for typos! (4)

dlfgjfg i love this. (and yes i saw! amazing fic everyone.)

but absolutely yes! magnus likes to just let go sometimes. and it’s not like literally all the sex they have is all heavy bdsm. in fact, they def have plenty of “vanilla” sex that’s just. being sweet and close and intimate. but sometimes alec needs to take control or magnus needs to let go (and like you said, how they react to stress and what calms them down fit really well with each other because they’re so incredibly compatible in multiple ways) and they just. decide to have fun together

and obviously either of them can stop at any time and they have safe words and stuff but like, they rarely need to use it because they both know each other’s boundaries and stuff very well.