#so this time my quitting twitter has actually been successful

[prisonpodcast]

I actually logged myself out of my own twitter acc and haven’t used it for days I never knew life could be so beautiful not knowing everything that’s going on over there 24/7

[27goldensun]

Is it worth it? An analysis on Louis’ stunts

Lately there has been a shift in how Louis’ stunts are being presented to the fandom, with babygate mentions growing and seemingly being pushed by Louis himself.

I have taken some time to go over some (very arbitrary) success indicators that could possibly justify this push in stunts as a marketing ploy, however I have only confirmed my suspicions that the fanbase IS NOT HAPPY and that has been translating in Louis’ numbers.

(May I add that I focused more on louis’ relationship with his fanbase and I know that’s not everyone’s definition of success so I also added streaming numbers)

I took my numbers from this website and I looked through late 2021 and 2022 mostly

Starting off, lets look at Louis’ twitter following and activity:

Number of followers

Throughout August, September, October and November 2021, louis gained between 20k and 40k followers each month, those numbers were much higher during the earlier months of 2021, so what could have sparked that change?

The first picture of louis with F in years dropped in August, which happens to coincide with the sudden drop in Louis’ following

In December, the First Christmas BS happened, and that generated a drop in his following (he didn’t actually start losing followers until 2022, but he only gained 4K in December 2021) that would be weird on its on, but paired with the start of his tour (in which his numbers should be increasing much more) it was very obviously correlated.

Now onto 2022, which was quite an eventful year

2022 marked the start of LTWT which was not only an incredible time for preexisting fans could have been a great opportunity to increase his fanbase by giving him more visibility, especially paired up with a new album. We’ll see that this wasn’t the case

The beginning of the year presented Louis with a slow, especially if compared to 2021, but steady raise in following. This drastically changed in July.

The infamous dm leak happened on July 30th 2022 and it greatly impacted the fandom, which was translated into Louis social media following. Looking at it comparatively, in June 2022 he gained 129k followers, in July that number dropped to 26k, showing the impact of those final 2 days. In August, his numbers only continued to drop.

With the album announcement, one could’ve expect a raise in following and activity, but the opposite happened, and I can’t help but link it with the marketing strategy that was chosen, with further mentions of his “personal” life, especially bbg

The promotional interviews began July 2022 still during LTWT and, at first, they were stunt free (with the exception of one Interview on July 21 2022, in which he stumbled when saying F’s name, something he seemed much more comfortable with later on).

September 6, 2022: It is during an interview with Radio Deejay Itália that the mentions truly begin. Louis brings up Freddie unprompted and says he travels to LA often to visit him, from this point forward, the kid is often brought up.

November 2022 we get all those articles saying “louis finds parenting to be challenging”, over 100 copy and paste articles of this nature were posted.

December 2022 the Christmas Bs 2.0 took place, with the kid being flown to the UK and spending around a week there, between Christmas and New Years. The only footage of louis and F interacting was posted on Louis’ birthday, in a short video of the two in a dinner with the rest of the Tomlinsons.

How did this translate in his twitter following? When FITF promo started, Louis only lost followers

August 2022 he lost 7k

September 2022 he lost 33k

October 2022 he lost 24k

November 2022 he lost 29k followers (not good right after an album announcement)

December 2022 he lost 28k followers

January 2023 he lost 43.9k (the most so far)

But did all this only happen to his twitter following? Surely that’s not the only indicator of his success and relationship with his fanbase?

I agree, although louis does seem to use twitter the most when connecting with fans, lets look through his instagram

When FITF promo started, Louis only lost followers

August 2022 he lost 24k

September 2022 he lost 18k

October 2022 he lost 30k

November 2022 he lost 49k followers (not good right after an album announcement)

December 2022 he lost 33k followers

January 2023 he lost 62.8k (the most so far)

Looking at his streaming statistics

(I’m using walls as a comparison for timeline purposes, although im well aware walls promo was far from stunt free, it seems most fans have, understandably, a harder time dealing with bbg than Eleanor)

*Walls debuted at number nine on the US Billboard 200 with 39,000 album-equivalent units

*Faith in the Future debuted at number five on the Billboard 200 selling 43,000 album-equivalent units

So there was obviously an improvement on FITF debut, but has it been consistent since the album release?

The “this is Louis tomlinson playlist” on Spotify

May 2021 The "This Is Louis Tomlinson" playlist reached 250k likes

February 2023 The "This Is Louis Tomlinson" playlist reached 320k likes

Album stream milestones

Walls

Over 100 million streams on Spotify: February 6th, 1 week after its release

FITF

Over 100 million streams on Spotify: December 10th, 1 month after its release

So, overall, the situation does not seem to be improving…

I will later go through his tour sales, but given the different venue sizes this could be a bit tricky

My interpretation of those numbers i presented is that no, it is not worth it. Regardless on your opinion about bbg, from a marketing standpoint this image doesn’t seem to be doing Louis any favors…

(Please feel free to add your thoughts, I’d love to deepen this discussion)

Also, I don’t think any stunt that furthers a queer person’s closeting could ever be “worth it”, this was just my attempt to try to see what could be their motivations for this (although if its commercial success, it’s definitely not working)

[777-maple]

How I manifest everything

From someone who has been doing this for 3 years.

Table of context

1. EXCESS POTENTIAL

2. DO NOT GIVE A FUCK

3. FIND THE METHOD THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU

4. DISCIPLINE

5. YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO MORE

6. 4V1

7. HOW NEGATIVES ARE ACTUALLY HUGE SIGNS

8. AFFIRMATION TAPES

EXCESS POTENTIAL:

Every time I've been overly fixated on manifesting something, it never quite works out. I've come to realize that relying solely on a manifestation for happiness creates a sense of lack. So, when the manifestation seems elusive, and I start feeling hopeless, I remind myself that I can find happiness independent of that specific outcome. I can be content right now and for the rest of my life, even if this thing never materializes.

Take the scenario of people manifesting their significant others. Relying entirely on that person for happiness isn't healthy. Even outside the realm of manifestation, your partner shouldn't be your sole source of joy. If the idea of not having them makes you believe you'll never be happy again, it's time to shift focus. Instead of obsessing over manifesting them back, it's about working on your self-concept and having a healthier perspective on relationships. I love my boyfriend, but if he left suddenly, I'd be sad, not thinking my life is over. It's about having a mindset that even if this particular thing doesn't work out, I'm still deserving of happiness and that happiness will come to me one way or another. And this may seem counterintuitive, however this is not me saying that you won’t manifest your desire and that you should be okay with that. I am saying that you need to be happy with or without because the 3d should never dictate your happiness.

DO NOT GIVE A FUCK:

Mastering manifesting requires not caring about the drama in the 3D world. Imagine unwanted things happening, and you just shrug it off, saying, "I don’t give a fuck." Add a bonus of "This will work out anyway." If your specific person hasn't replied, don't panic. Embrace the "IDGAF" mindset. "I don't give a fuck that they haven't texted back; they love me, and they'll reach out any minute now." After dropping this wisdom, distract yourself from the negativity. Watch a show, dance, listen to music—anything to divert attention. It's about cutting the drama and letting the universe do its thing. Repeat this as many times as necessary.

I applied this recently when two friends were dating, and I believed they weren't right for each other and I hated the way she treated him. Despite seeing them be all couplely in the 3d, I persisted in imagining their breakup. I would affirm occasionally “They are in the process of breaking up, I know that they’re about to break up”. After a week, they stopped hanging out, and eventually, they unfollowed each other. It took about two weeks.

FIND THE METHOD THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU:

Honestly, none of the typical manifestation methods clicked with me. Affirmations gave me a headache, visualization overwhelmed me, meditation wasn't my go-to, and scripting bored me. So why don’t I like the holy grail of robotic affirmations? I appreciate affirmations, but I can't do them robotically 24/7; it's too stressful. I tried robotic affirming for two years without success. The key is finding a method you enjoy, not just focusing on its efficiency. If you don't enjoy your chosen method, find one that brings you joy. I have seen probably hundreds of robotic affirmation success stories, but since I never enjoyed affirming 24/7 it never worked for me. Ill get into my preferred method in a bit. But find one you enjoy.

DISCIPLINE:

Discipline used to be a challenge, but I realized it's crucial for manifesting. I stay disciplined by choosing a method, setting a 90-day goal, and eliminating distractions. I unsubscribed from manifestation coaches, delete twitter, tumblr, fb, and block tarot readers. Manifestation shouldn't become a distraction. Don’t let manifestation become your new Netflix. I no longer follow my favorite manifestation coaches, not because I dislike them, but because they served their purpose. I honestly do believe this step is crucial but a lot of people may not want to do it.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO MORE:

One day, it hit me that I rarely entertain opposing thoughts like “This won't work.” Instead, I find myself thinking, “I need to do more for this to work.” Identifying your specific limiting belief is crucial. In my case, I fell into a cycle of trying new methods because I believed I needed to do more. The pattern went like this: new method -> progress -> less progress/opposite results -> need to add a new method -> progress -> burnout -> giving up. Manifesting operates effortlessly 24/7, so consciously manifesting should be the same. Pick one method, stick to it, and trust it.

1v4:

Here's the affirming method I swear by (shoutout to GOATEDMANIFESTING on YouTube and TikTok– the only coach I actually care about and relate to 100%). I maintain a mental diet by monitoring my thoughts throughout the day. If a negative thought contradicts what I'm manifesting, I stop myself and affirm the positive opposite four times. For instance, if I think "He's getting bored of me," I counter it with affirmations like "No, he loves spending time with me; he's always excited to be around me." Repeat that four times, let go, and continue with what you were doing, all while keeping an eye on your thoughts. It's like facing four opponents in a fight – depending on the strength of the limiting belief, it might take some hits. If four people keep beating you up, even if you survive the first round, you would eventually give up.

HOW NEGATIVES ARE ACTUALLY HUGE SIGNS:

Everything only has meaning if you give it meaning. After observing the process of manifesting something new multiple times, I've noticed I often hit a sort of rock bottom. In the beginning, it involved a few days of confidence followed by uncertainty and worry. But persisting through it always led to improvement and successful manifestation. I've learned to assign a new meaning to these tough days – they're a massive sign that what I'm doing is imprinting on my subconscious. It's like my subconscious is "fighting back" against this foreign idea, but if I persist, it'll absorb and manifest. The resistance might show up as opposing dreams, intrusive thoughts, or even the opposite appearing in the 3D. Take it as a sign that after persisting, your subconscious will be impressed and manifest. Just stand firm during this time. Stand on business.

AFFIRMATION TAPES

This is my preferred method but imma just link a video that explains it better than I ever could plus I am tired of writing.

CONCLUSION

There is so so much more I have learned like how I don’t listen to depressing music anymore just shit that makes me feel confident, motivated or happy.

I have been obsessed with law of assumption for 3 whole years now and I know I still got a lot more to learn however this shit got me movement with my sp in 9 days after 2 years of hot and cold. It got me an A in my college algebra class even though it should be a B. It got my friend to end it with his toxic girlfriend. It got my other friend to end shit with her toxic best friend. I change my appearance and my confidence is through the roof and this is the first time in a while where I am completely content with my life.

There is a lot more I could talk about but thats for another day, these are just the main 7 points.

[salted-caramel-tea]

honestly i love mcc i love competitive minecraft but the game just isn’t fun for anyone anymore. lots of players have dropped out are talking of dropping out or go on stream saying things like ‘this is the first mcc i’ve actually enjoyed in a while’ . like. thats not the sign that an event is successful . and i don’t really think that’s scott’s or the developers faults but it’s more so the culture around mcc that has changed drastically in the past year or so.

when i first started watching it, mcc was about cc’s learning to work together and competing in a fun event where there was no real stakes except the winners got a fun little token. mccs rise in popularity has snowballed a little to develop this culture of expectancy . as with all fanbases, some fans become a little too engrossed in the content and become a little overbearing about it creating this toxic culture of criticism under the guise of analysis . this isn’t to say that all mcc analysts are toxic or that the concept of vod reviewing and analysing a players performance is bad- but the attitude that a lot of the more vocal fans have been taking towards this has been .mm . not the best .

forcing players into rigid boxes based on their performance records and dogpiling them if they undeperform or over glorifying a players for performing above their average etc, it creates a competitive culture amongst fans trying to prove who suppprts the better player . very much ‘my dad is stronger than your dad’ kind of vibe.

this whole attitude also makes it less enjoyable for the players who may now feel a lot of pressure to conform to the expectations of their fans- of course everyone tries their best every event but if someone’s having a bad performance they’re more likely to experience genuine discomfort and self confidence issues continuing in the event because they know what people are expecting of them . even for lower ranking players it can affect self confidence because nobody expects anything of them .

its marketed deeply throughout the fandom as a for fun event with people who are naturally competitive being shunned for their competitive attitude but logging online and seeing people hating some people winning, hating on other teams for knocking their team out of top 2, refusing to congratulate the winners, even complaining over and over again that some aspects of the event like pvp and parkour are unfair to their streamer because their streamer ain’t good at them to the point where pvp and parkour games had their coin distribution rules changed . that doesn’t scream for fun behaviour .

that’s another thing . random changes to games that don’t necessarily need to be changed . the buildmart changes were good it make it easier to navigate and allowed people to move between sections faster and featured some new builds, the sky battle coin distribution prioritising the amount of time you survive over kills actually undermines the point of the game as a pvp heavy event . instead of fighting people you can get away with playing more defensively . we already have survival games for survivability . same goes for remixes i don’t think they typically go down well . some might but majority don’t tend to have a good reception .

even within the players themselves, there’s because quite a cliquey kind of dynamic where if the team with the most support doesn’t win, the winners are not congratulated. take last night for example . ponk and gumi scored their first wins, ponk being the first black person and as far as i can remember gumi being the second woc and first asian woman to win an mcc . let’s not even get into the diversity of mcc right now but only two people came into the voice call which lasted a while after the event to congratulate the team, only sylvee and scott and a few replies on twitter . ‘oh but the captain’ idc . i love him too but he didn’t win and it was a big day for the team that did with 50% of the team getting their first win and they played really well together. looking again at fan behaviour towards creators some players have felt unwelcome by the pressure of the competitive dynamic called bad sports for being upset with their own underperforming and alienated by the community for having multiple wins or because they just don’t want them in the event . that doesn’t scream for fun . and that in itself is really bad sportsmanship .

i think overall what started to kill mcc was it’s pandering really. i’ve fully done research on how scott puts together teams before but i still believe a lot of what goes into a team is how well it will be received. it doesn’t really force creators to get to know each other and work with each other it just takes groups of people who already know each other have relationships with each other and have relationships that are recognisable to the fanbase . this doesn’t allow people to meet and find new creators they might enjoy to watch and it prioritises some teams as the Ones To Watch because of certain dynamics pres t which undermines any smaller creators trying to make their way into the event . the insistence on changing games based on viewer complaints as opposed to suggestions from players themselves on how things can be improved is just odd to me too .

idk man mcc just isn’t what it used to be and a lot of people are becoming way too entitled over what they want to see there

[crevicedwelling]

my mom recently read in a novel that some larger praying mantis species have been known to kill and eat hummingbirds. I know about bird-eating tarantulas, but I was curious if you knew of other insects who prey on birds, mammals, etc.? I know most will scavenge anything, but what abt critters who hunt? the idea of insects who hunt large prey is fascinating to me

large generalist predatory insects like mantises and katydids predominantly eat other insects, but the majority of the vertebrate prey they take is probably frogs and lizards, and typically ones smaller than themselves. hummingbirds might not be too representative of typical vertebrate prey because (I believe I heard a mantis researcher say) their metabolism is so tightly wound that the stress of being caught is enough to kill them, and all the mantis has to do is hang on, which they definitely can do. still, vertebrate predation is pretty impressive for orthopterans and mantodeans, since they’ve got to do it all without venom!

army ants of various types are also famous for their ability to catch vertebrates, but most army ants are actually specialists on other social insects (ants, wasps, termites), and the few generalist predator army ants still predominantly prey on invertebrates (and don’t skeletonize cows and horses like they do in cartoons).

diving beetles will hunt fish and aquatic amphibians—there’s a reason their larvae are called “water tigers!” belostomatid water bugs are probably the most impressive aquatic vertebrate-eaters though, and use powerful venom to subdue surprisingly large fish, tadpoles, and even other vertebrates:

outside of insects, there’s a lot of spiders that can feed on herptiles, either by overpowering them with strength like huntsmen and tarantulas, or by snaring them in webs like widows, the most successful snake eaters:

plus, there’s always the famous Nephila orbweavers whose sturdy webs can catch avian prey, but this is probably a fairly rare occurrence.

going over to centipedes, giant scolopendrids are quite successful predators of vertebrates, with any species large enough likely preying on herptiles, and occasionally on some far larger than they are!

Scolopendra venom is evolved to take down large prey, so it’s no surprise they’re some of the most prolific vertebrate-eaters in the arthropod world. some very large Scolopendra (gigantea, maybe galapagoensis, viridicornis, heros) will hunt bats, sometimes by hanging to catch them in flight. other predation on mammals and birds seems to occur opportunistically, especially where the prey is helpless: S. galapagoensis was recorded feeding on baby rodents in the Galapagos; other island species like Cormocephalus coynei will feed on seabird chicks (enough with the “fluffy” avian favoritism, Nature! ‘pedes gotta eat).

oh, speaking of nestling-devouring, there’s also some freaky observations of slugs munching on soft mushy songbird babies! someone on Twitter had their nest camera record some chicks getting eaten by a large Carabus ground beetle, but I can’t find it again.

but I think the most shocking example of vertebrate predation by an invertebrate is probably Epomis, another ground beetle. as larvae, they feed on frogs far larger than they are by letting themselves get attacked, latching onto the would-be predator, and munching on it until it perishes. adult beetles also prey on amphibians, but just run them down instead of luring prey.

(there’s also video of the adult beetles preying on frogs, but they seem to all be stolen by some weird content scraper YT channels, so I’ll not post them here.)

let me know if I missed any good examples of vertebrate predation by bugs!

[neine]

The Polish language and the return of the old Polish they/them.

Gendered languages, such as Polish, present unique challenges when it comes to implementing gender-neutral pronouns like "they/them". The Polish language, has a complex system of grammatical gender, with different forms of adjectives, nouns, and pronouns depending on whether the noun is masculine, feminine, or neuter. This can make it difficult to introduce new gender-neutral pronouns, as they would need to fit into this system and be accepted by native speakers. Additionally, there may be resistance from some quarters to changing the traditional grammar rules, as many Poles are proud of their "traditions".

In recent years however, nonbinary people looking for a way to refer to themselves in Polish language, with little to no success. It was also a huge problem for translators of popular English works and shows that already presented quite a few of nonbinary characters. Most of the time the translations ended up referring to the openly nonbinary characters with "she" or "he". As a example Jim Jimenez from Our Flag Means Death, (played by Vico Ortiz who is also nonbinary) is straight up misgendered by official translation.

The English pronouns "they" and "them" have been increasingly used as gender-neutral pronouns in recent years, particularly by nonbinary and gender-nonconforming individuals who do not identify as exclusively male or female. When translated into Polish, these pronouns are commonly rendered as "ono" and "ich". It is interesting to note that the Polish word "ich" actually shares some similarity with the English word "their", which is a possessive pronoun used to indicate ownership. The irony is that the Polish word for "their" is gendered and cannot be used as a gender-neutral pronoun, whereas "ich" is often used to refer to a group of people rather than a single individual. Despite this linguistic limitation, many nonbinary and gender-nonconforming individuals in Poland continue to use "ono" and "ich" as gender-neutral pronouns.

Polish nonbinary people until recently used she/he in spoken form and added "x" (graphic pronouns) in the place where the gender...nation(?) in the word accrued, in written form. For a lot of people it was just uncomfortable. It often made sentences harder to read and unnatural since the letter "x" doesn't exist in Polish, and most people just put "e" (implying masculine) or "a" (implying feminine) in the blanks automatically, because it was easier to read it that way.

Some people use "it" - "to", which is neuter, however polish neuter is often taken as something offensive when applied to a person. "To", implies it's a thing, so of course a lot of nonbinary people felt understandably dehumanized by using that pronoun.

When Polish nonbinary folks were figuring out what pronouns feel most natural to them and fit the language, they were met with a huge amount of harassment. "These pronouns are made up", "You're a thing not a person now.", "These are not correct" and so on and so on

To check the checkboxes on the "stupid conservative twitter trolls cannot harass me because of my pronouns" list, the nonbinary pronouns had to: sound right, be used before in polish language and be intuitive, so there came the pronouns "ono/jeno".

The pronouns "ono" and "jeno" were also used as third-person singular personal pronouns when referring to people, particularly those whose gender was not specified or who were of non-binary gender. For example, "Ono przyszło" could mean "They came" or "It came" depending on the context. Similarly, "Jeno ktoś tam stał" could mean "Only someone stood there". In the 18th and 19th centuries, the use of "ono" and "jeno" to refer to people fell out of favor, and other pronouns, such as "on" (he) and "ona" (she), were used instead. This shift was partly due to the influence of other languages, such as French and German, which have gendered pronouns. However, the historical use of "ono" and "jeno" as third-person singular personal pronouns for people demonstrates a more inclusive view of gender in the Polish language, which is relevant today as more people identify as non-binary or gender-nonconforming.

The fact that "ono" and "jeno" have been used in Polish language in the past has helped to give them greater legitimacy and credibility among nonbinary individuals and allies who are advocating for the use of gender-neutral pronouns. Because these pronouns are not "made up" and have a history of use in the Polish language, they are more difficult for critics to dismiss as illegitimate or frivolous.

Furthermore, the fact that "ono" and "jeno" sound correct and are intuitive within the context of the Polish language has also helped to promote their widespread adoption. While these pronouns may have a somewhat archaic or rural feel to them, they nevertheless fit seamlessly into the broader grammatical structure of the Polish language, making them a natural choice for nonbinary individuals who are seeking to express their gender identity.

Despite the growing acceptance of gender-neutral language in Poland and the adoption of pronouns like "ono" and "jeno," nonbinary individuals still face significant harassment and discrimination from conservative groups and individuals who refuse to recognize the legitimacy of nonbinary identities. However, much of this harassment can be dismissed as ignorant or uninformed and/or refusing to do any research to protect their world view, as even one of the most popular polish carols uses "ono" to refer to baby Jesus, as "ono" was often used to refer to children.

In 2023 on the bookshelves you can find correctly translated works written from the eyes of a nonbinary character using the pronouns "ono" and "jeno" and I wholeheartedly hope that this trend continues. The use of gender-neutral pronouns is an important step towards creating a more inclusive and diverse society, and it is essential that literature reflects this. By using pronouns such as "ono" and "jeno" to refer to nonbinary characters, authors can help to normalize these pronouns and increase awareness and understanding of nonbinary identities. In addition, correctly translating these works into other languages can help to promote the use of gender-neutral pronouns in those languages as well. Overall, the use of "ono" and "jeno" in literature can help to promote greater acceptance and inclusivity of nonbinary and gender-nonconforming individuals in society.

Gendered languages have a great struggle on finding their own "they/them", however I wouldn't say Polish is one of them as ironic that may sound, as Poland is taken as a very conservative.

And that concludes my short information dump that I decided to write after seeing a video about gendered languages.

Zaimki.pl

[sirensplayhouse]

you are totally right… no success story will ever do it for me.

i have to prove it to myself. there are thousands of success stories, some sound soo unrealistic, some sound believable, some sound like lies, some sound natural, some have proof (LITERAL PICTURES AND VIDEOS LOL), some stories are so specific/boring that they have to be true lol

some people even ask for ideas on what to manifest bc they already have what they want!! this shit is too good NOT to be true. this stuff HAS to be true. no one has time for this lol!!!

there wouldn’t be hundreds of bloggers giving free advice for yeeaaarrrsss on tumblr if there wasn’t some truth to this. i’m sorry, but this has to be real. and no offense but all the bloggers, the youtubers, the twitter accounts all say the same stuff day in and day out. it has to be real. it’s so real that you guys get bored and quit your blogs lol!

none of you have ever come out and been like ‘actually i lied’, you all literally just say you get tired of repeating yourselves and then leave. like this is as real as it gets.

there are millions of success stories on tumblr, facebook, youtube, twitter, random blogs on the internet, etc. the odds of them ALL lying or ALL scripting is so small. I even have some unbelievable success stories of my own!! like some supernatural shit before I knew about the law and I’m sure all of your anons do too.

you are so right that no success story will ever do it, that is just the absolute truth. there is no one to change but self. you can search and search until you pass out, but nothing will change unless you do. and the act of searching is kind of affirming that you’re doubting… it’s hard to remain persistent in faith when you are searching for proof…

and with that i’m off to manifest my dream life!!

THIS IS THE TYPA ENERGY I LIKE TO SEE/READ because honestly some people’s success stories are so descriptive and detailed and then some actually show their results so really who has the time to lie and coerce millions of others into their lie ? exactly. like I said the best way to ‘discredit’ the law is to try it out for yourself.

and I definitely want to hear about what you manifested love <3 come back and tell us 🫶🏾

[remcycl333]

I need everyone to take a break, like frfr a real break.

there's this account I love bc she would always post content of what I felt like I was lacking that day in manifesting skills (eiypo) and she decided to take a break recently (it's lyna if u guys might know) anyway, I used go stalk her hashtags and account actually quite often??? like I noticed myself really obsessing over it (which is so embarrassing 💀 but she was one of the few active blogs these few weeks so 🙃) I had wanted to stay in tunblr all day and got excited when she reblogged anything or if my feed in general refreshed and I would always lie to myself saying "nah how would overconsuming harm me 🤨" yea anyway fast forward to when I finally decided to stop lying to myself, uninstalling tumblr and stepping my foot down that I already know everything about the law which is;

affirm, don't waver, live in ur imagination, know that it is done and persist in that,

I decided to actually start living and persisting and LET ME TELL U 😭😭😭😭😭 not tryna cheat but I decided to join twitter bc she said it would be motivating, AND IT ISSSS AAAAHHHH

really u can BARELY overconsume anything there, there are just tons of reminder to not stop persisting and manifesting has never been easier to me 😭

IVE REVISED 2 PAST EXAMS (having a better grade) JUST BC I FOCUSED ON PERSISTING NOT OVERCONSUMING also I manifested pretty privilege and everybody takes a second glance at me wherever I walk by ++ I'm so much more confident too 💘💘 I can't wait to continue my journey with a better mindset and no tumblr this time!!!

just wanted to motivate everyone to get off tumblr! I just installed it back to share my success in the time without tumblr <3

omg love!! thank u so much for sharing!! hopefully this can help motivate other anons!!!

i also love loatwt, its so much fun there. and so motivating! you better be following me on there!!! hehe

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/7/2023

three days until my birthday problems. i have been very busy with 1) prepping my costume for ren faire and 2) onboarding a new henchwoman to the evil lair, a talented little tabby we're immediately extending full health benefits to with no trial period

listening

good morning afternoon by rebecca sugar. if i had not already known it was rebecca sugar by the voice and the understated guitar, i would have known it was her by the gorgeous synthy chimey chimes. spotify

on my release radar playlist

-

reading

stop fucking using personally identifiable details in your passwords. also stop reusing your passwords and burner emails. especially if you're doing crime

A pivotal clue for validating the research into Apathyp/Fearlless came from the identity intelligence firm myNetWatchman, which found that gezze@mail.ru at one time used the passwords “геззи1991” (gezze1991) and “gezze18081991.” Care to place a wager on when Vkontakte says is Mr. Sherban’s birthday? Ten points if you answered August 18 (18081991). Mr. Sherban did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

-

watching

the 2006 anime BLACK LAGOON, we're going to yoink this from wikipedia bc it's serviceable enough

The series follows the Lagoon Company, a four-member team of pirate mercenaries smuggling goods in and around the seas of Southeast Asia with their PT boat, the Black Lagoon. The group takes on various jobs, usually involving criminal organizations and resulting in violent gunfights.

unfortunately i am genetically inclined to boats and ex-military boats. it is extremely 2006 in sensibility and animation choices. there are remarkably sophisticated and fun battle sequences, and a lot of ass but little upskirting. revy (pictured below) is a dual-wielding gunslinger who is simply the worst. horrible woman that gets space to have a bit of a messy complex character arc and have a messy complex time of it. her writing and character are quite good period, not just quite good for 2006. i adore her.

the second episode has our pirates take out a helicopter with a torpedo boat (no deck guns! they just use the torpedo!) in a way that made me stand up, lift mackintosh above my head, and hoot like a tusken raider.

this is about as violent as your average spaghetti western, and much like spaghetti westerns i don't think the series is always successful in using its setting to make points about grey morality and not like. shock for shock's sake? certainly one to look up trigger warnings for.

the why: now i have a bootleg chromecast i have been watching more things on my actual television, remembered "hey this exists on hulu why didn't i finish it several years ago". still not sure why i didn't finish this several years ago. i am pirating the second season, but it's the sub which is a shame bc i quite like the dubbed voice actors, but it's a nightmare trying to find a dub with subtitles. i rarely have the patience to fuss with my own subtitle files.

-

playing

turnip boy commits tax evasion, a 2021 game that was recently free on Epic. it is the studio Snoozy Kazoo's first game. i had a very strange time with this, bc the first fifteen minutes up to the first boss fight lulled me into a sense of complacency and then the minute i had to do something slightly complicated at the first boss fight (pay attention to my timing) i lost interest. i don't know if i will return to this, bc the humor didn't always hit for me (extremely online, but twitter online) and there's a major genshin update later this week.

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making

new evil lair employee, phil (short for philip marlowe)

recap of tragic backstory: i had seen her Around for about a week or so, realized on friday night when i scared her out of the dumpster that she had something stuck to her, and didn't see her again until sunday night, when she was too lethargic to skitter away from the dumpster. she has a VERY gnarly wound on her left flank and leg, the urgent care vet thinks she got dragged or caught in something. it is healing remarkably well, all things considered, and it's not infected bc the thing stuck to her was some vetwrap. so someone at some point patched her up?

she is SO full of milk. i have not found the kittens but there are a Lot of strays in this neighborhood, so my hope is that some other momma cat has engaged in some kidnapping.

i have a formal vet appt on the 17th for mackie that ive added phil to, so we'll see about her heart murmur, if she has a microchip (unlikely) and getting her spayed after she heals up a bit more.

mackintosh is Fucking Pissed!!! we will do incredibly slow introductions and phil will probably live in the office/guest suite for. several months. i had not originally planned on adding another henchwoman so soon, but i do have the spare bedroom, the shelter wasn't doing intakes or clinic appointments until friday, and the wound. really could not have waited until friday. it was free cat.

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

I keep feeling like I’m taking the mandalorian s3 way too seriously when I get mad about what’s happening… but I just can’t help how upset it’s making me 😭 I stopped watching after episode 2 but have kept up for the most part. Going through the mando tag here on tumblr is so surreal because there are people actually thinking the direction makes sense and that DinxBo is a natural next step?? Anyway, I really appreciate reading your thoughts on how it’s all going. Makes me feel like I’m not alone in this!

(I hope you don't mind me lumping my response/thoughts re: your ask in here too, @just-prime, since uh there are a lot of spoilers in it and I'm not sure it's a good idea to make it public)

You have every right to be upset. This is a show you invested in, a show that sold you a story of a lonely Mandalorian bounty hunter and his Force-sensitive child in a post-war galaxy. It gave you story beats and the promises of adventure, trials and tribulations, and self-discovery in the micro and the macro. There was a road map in all the ways Din discovered and challenged himself as he gave up basically everything he ever knew about himself, his covert, and the galaxy to keep the child safe and get him to his kind. There was a story to be told here in Din taking his helmet off in front of other living beings to save Grogu and in Din winning the Darksaber from Gideon despite Bo-Katan's best efforts to get it back.

I wonder how much of this was corporate meddling to keep raking in the money (KKKennedy, is that you and your white girlbossing ways again?), how much of it was success getting into Filoni and Favreau's heads that they think they can turn bullshit to fucking gold, and how much of it was the game plan to MCUfy Disney Wars. This is fascinating the way that the Sequel Trilogy was fascinating, in that somehow, both times, Disney fucked the fuck up.

People will take what they want from whatever they're consuming. It is what it is. I quit after the season premiere because i hated the short runtime, the cramming of three different potential subplots into thirty fucking minutes, the ridiculousness of all three subplots, and, most of all, the desecration of IG-11. I read elsewhere that the season premiere was a hit! People liked it! They were excited by it! Good for them! I'm glad they got something out of it. People got paid and put hours, blood, sweat, and tears into producing this show and I would want for them to know that their efforts were worth something.

But it is so hard to ignore how increasingly inconsistent, aimless, illogical, and bewildering the the entire season has been. We have now seen 7 of 8 episodes and even the 7th episode, supposedly the "best of the series", got a ton of complaints on a storytelling level. I read elsewhere, both on tumblr and twitter, that this season is now very plot-driven rather than character-driven when previously the show was extremely character-driven. Season 1 happened because Din couldn't leave Grogu behind in Imperial hands and thus uprooted himself and his covert with his decision to go back for the child. Season 2 happened because Din was now searching for Grogu's kind while we the viewers knew that Gideon was alive and well and likely still hunting for the child. Season 3 - and I'm saying this as someone who'd been reading reaction posts, summaries, meta, discourse, etc, instead of watching it because I love myself enough to Not Do That - doesn't seem to have that. It really felt like the story beats, wherever the fuck they were, felt more like "now move from Point A to Point B in order to get closer to Point C". They needed to check things off on a list in order to prepare for the MCUfication of the Disneyficaiton of the OG Thrawn Trilogy, something that I know a lot of people want... but at what cost?

I really hate how likely it is that the show is going to push DinxBo on us and I really hate how much people are expecting it and dreading it. I hate the compulsive heternormativity and the expectations and dread that come with it. I hate how it ruins characters and stories. If you like this ship, good for you. Don't talk to me, I don't care.

This really feels like watching The Last Jedi all over again. I was sold on Finn and Rey as co-leads only to be told to my fucking face that white neo-fashy Kylo was now co-leading because for some reason Rey got it into her head to save him? Meanwhile Finn got tazed and shoved to the side in a tone-deaf subplot with Rose, and Poe turned into a bizarre caricature who needed to be taught lessons by older white women. Like, sorry but I can't unsee this shit. I can't undo the betrayal I felt at the bait and switch of the ST.

And now it happened all over again with The Mandalorian. I'll give it one thing: When Din and Greef first encountered the pirates on Space Renn Faire Nevarro, I got those space western vibes again. And for those few seconds, I felt hope that the previous however many minutes were just a rough start and we're back to space westerning our way to Mandalore. That hope died real fast, didn't it? Fuck me, I guess.

I've started using Tumblr's tag tracking feature to keep tabs on the more critical Mandalorian tags. I'll add them to this post so that you can use them yourself. There are also a lot of interesting coversations happening elsewhere by various blogs. You might have to get creative with your tag searching. Just know that just as many people are out there happy with this show, there are just as many who are dissatisfied with it. That's usually how it goes, but man I can't remember the last time I saw a bunch of the fandom community turn on a show/movie/book series the way we've done with The Mandalorian. It's a damn shame because deep down, a part of me is desperate for it to find its feet and get good again. But honestly, with all the announcements that came out of SWC 2023, I think that ship has sailed and the best thing to do is take all the good you can find from it and mold it into your own sand castles.

[rhupdates]

I quit. Half a year too long of supporting and promoting what is clearly wrong.

TW swearing, performative activism

So. Recently I've learned quite a bit of information that I did not acknowledge until far too late into my burnout. This post is intended to sum it up, explain my choices and spread the word. I'm no longer going to be covering Royale High updates, I'm quitting the game and I am refusing to enter it even to check out anything new. The blog will be kept to archive that which was posted.

Details, distasteful language, rant and sources below.

Royale High was my childhood game. I always idolized the developers, believing that they are just like me, designing something that they love for others to enjoy. I was a young fool, unaware of what was actually happening behind the curtains on software I never touched. I liked participating in the community, I liked being helpful, I liked getting back home from school every day to play it with my friends.

That was then. And this is now.

I've dug into some areas to look for more details regarding the upcoming waves for the new school, and I've found some unsettling things on the bird app that I cannot quite get over. This includes the following: (note: this is all old. i am behind the times. however, it is still very much an issue and nothing has changed.)

Performative activism during 2022 Valentine's Event - still not settled. You may have heard what happened during 2021's event, but you may not know that multiple black creators and activists were asked for their help with the BHM stand. None of their work was accepted by nightbarbie, and a part 2 for that part of the event was cancelled with barely no communication to the team contracted for it. Sources: twitter, wayback

Over 400 people were not paid properly after making faces, clothes and hair textures for Royale High. For a game that makes thousands DAILY off of their work, they should at least return some of that money to artists who carry their success. Diamonds, badges and lofty 'exposure' does not pay the bills or fill the belly. A majority of the people who submit their work are minors, and they do not know better. They think that compensation in exposure is enough - and oftentimes, they don't even receive that. Here is a spreadsheet of all the unpaid artists.

Possibly silencing people speaking up against them on the basis of the in-game Code of Conduct!!! Despite me agreeing with safety policies to protect younger people, the way that it is worded allows the developers to ban the community for saying anything that they don't like. If anything, that should have been the biggest waving red flag for me from the very beginning.

I'm done with this fucking dev team, done with the community, done with the economy, done with everything being pushed back and back to cover ANY form of dissidence. I'm not going to handle this anymore! I quit!

[blind-rats]

The Quiet Misogyny of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

When accusations that Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, abused his power on multiple sets, few fans of his work seemed surprised. According to actor Charisma Carpenter, who had a recurring lead role as Cordelia Chase on Buffy and starred in its spinoff series Angel, Whedon created a toxic work environment and repeatedly harassed her on set. In a statement posted across the actress’s social media accounts, Carpenter revealed that the traumatizing experience of working with Whedon caused her anxiety and a chronic physical condition that she still struggles with today.

Carpenter’s statement comes directly on the heels of WarnerMedia’s investigation into workplace misconduct allegations levied against Whedon after he was hired as a replacement director on Justice League (2017) following Zack Snyder’s departure. In July 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played Cyborg and worked with Whedon during post production on the film and its subsequent reshoots, wrote on Twitter, “[Whedon’s] on set treatment of the cast and crew of Justice League was gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable.” As a show of support for Fisher, Carpenter revealed that she had participated in WarnerMedia’s investigation, stating, “Despite my fear about its impact on my future, I can no longer remain silent. This is overdue and necessary. It is time.” 

In December 2020, WarnerMedia shared that they had concluded the investigation and claimed they had taken “remedial action.” Prior to the investigation’s conclusion, Whedon voluntarily stepped down from his role as showrunner for the upcoming WarnerMedia-owned HBO series, The Nevers, due to the pandemic, so it remains unclear what so-called remedial action was actually taken against him.

The allegations against the director and former Hollywood sweetheart—or whatever the male nerd equivalent of that is—span nearly the entirety of his onscreen career. While some fans of Whedon may struggle to understand how a man whose work has been lauded for its depiction of Strong Female CharactersTM and themes of empowerment could perpetuate the abuse he outwardly condemned, other fans were less shocked. 

In addition to accusations by Whedon’s ex-wife Kai Cole, who wrote a scathing essay for the Wrap in 2017 about her ex-husband’s faux feminism and predatory affairs, rumors have swirled for years about Carpenter’s untimely departure from Angel. However, feminists who are familiar with Whedon’s shows, including Buffy, Firefly, and Dollhouse, as well as his first two Avengers films, have long-since recognized the quiet (and not-so-quiet) misogyny directly embedded within his filmography. 

To understand Whedon’s nerdy repackaging of entitlement toward women and their bodies, one must look no further than the subtext of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the series that initially launched him to success.

During Buffy’s seven-season run from 1997 to 2003, and even still today, comedic sidekick Xander Harris (Nicholas Brendon) became a frequent target of feminist ire. There are countless think pieces, forums, blog posts, and Reddit threads dedicated to fans’ burning hatred of the character, and the show’s insistence on framing him as morally correct when he’s quite clearly in the wrong. From the very first episode, Xander is positioned as the “nice guy” of the friend group—the wisecracking, lovable nerd who reads X-Men comics and doesn’t get a second glance from most women. 

As the everyman, Xander caters to an audience of men and boys who might relate to his average looks, inability to entice women, and his literal powerlessness up against the superpowered women he fights alongside. His friends and allies have varying degrees of usefulness in the fight to protect Sunnydale, which sits on a demon hellmouth: Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar), Xander’s best friend and unrequited love interest, is imbued with vampire slaying abilities, and Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan), his other best friend and briefly-requited love interest, has ’90s-esque computer hacking skills and eventually becomes a powerful witch. Additionally, at any given time, he is surrounded by allies that range from friendly vampires and ex-demons to superstrong government soldiers and werewolves.

In any room he’s in, Xander is never the strongest, smartest, bravest, best looking, or even the most charming—he is utterly average in every way. In an early Season 1 episode, Xander sums up his character archetype perfectly when he says, “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” Despite Xander’s mediocrity and inherent powerlessness in comparison to the women he surrounds himself with, one of his key character traits is his sexual entitlement. He regularly makes references to his perpetual horniness and sexualizes almost every beautiful woman he encounters. 

When he first meets Buffy, he immediately develops a crush on her, and despite her repeated rejections over the course of several seasons, he continues to wait for an opportunity to be with her. Xander pining over his best friend might not necessarily make him bad, but it’s concerning that he also harbors resentment toward every guy Buffy dates or shows interest in, occasionally even lashing out at her for daring to choose other men over him.

Worse, he views himself as a “nice guy” who is entitled to sexual and romantic relationships with the beautiful women he fawns over. Except Xander isn’t really a nice guy at all—his entire self-identification as a nice guy isn’t actually supported by his interpersonal relationships or behavior, and in fact, is often directly contradicted by them. 

Interestingly, Xander doesn’t simply act as a stand-in for sexually frustrated nerd boys in the audience who want to fuck women like Buffy; he is also, quite literally, Whedon’s self-insert character. Fans of the show had initially speculated about this, and Whedon confirmed it when he was interviewed by NPR in 2000, stating, “Xander is obviously based on me.” This was also reconfirmed during a panel at the 2011 Emerald City Comic Con when actor James Marsters, who played the vampire Spike, said, “[Xander] is Joss. That’s the way he sees himself.” As Buffy fans gain a clearer picture of Whedon’s behavior behind the scenes, it’s ironic that a man with a track record of abusing his power over women and people of color on set would align himself with a character whose primary character trait is powerlessness. 

Why does a director and showrunner who weaponizes his power over his cast members to control them—and in the case of Charisma Carpenter, attempt to literally control her body and reproductive choices by pressuring her to get an abortion—get to hide behind a fictional facade of helplessness? Because he likes comics and wasn’t popular with girls in high school? Perhaps the most unlikely indictment of Whedon comes from the series itself, in a Season 6 arc that flips the concept of the harmless nerdy misogynist on its head. In the sixth season of Buffy—which notably featured the least involvement from Whedon, as he stepped down to an executive producing role to focus on other projects—a new group of villains called the Trio is introduced. The Trio features three socially inept, Star Wars-loving and comic book-obsessed boys who attempt to neutralize Buffy and take over Sunnydale. The group of seemingly harmless nerds evolves into a major threat over the course of the season.

After creating a mindless sex robot and being dumped by his girlfriend Katrina (Amelinda Embry), Warren Mears (Adam Busch), the leader and most malicious member of the group, creates a device to render his ex-girlfriend into a state of submission so he can force her to be his sex slave. However, before he is able to rape her, the device malfunctions, and when she tries to escape, Warren hits her over the head with a champagne bottle and kills her. Later in the season, Warren also fatally shoots Tara, a fan favorite and one of the few queer women characters in the series. 

Despite their inability to adhere to a traditionally idealized version of smooth-talking and muscled masculinity, the Trio’s proximity to nerd culture does not exempt them from causing harm. In fact, their self-identification as geeky underdogs is what provides them cover and their desire to acquire social power is what fuels their violence.

In an oft-cited acceptance speech for the “Men on the Front Lines” award presented by Equality Now, Whedon recalled a common question he received from reporters: “So, why do you write these strong female characters?” In response, he said, “Because you’re still asking me that question.” 

Though the response offers an empowering sentiment and makes for a highly quotable soundbite, he betrays his real motivations for writing fictional women within the same speech. He says, “When I created Buffy, I wanted to create a female icon, but I also wanted to be very careful to surround her with men who not only had no problem with the idea of a female leader, but, were in fact, engaged and even attracted to the idea.” He then went on to “jokingly” say that he writes characters like Buffy “‘cause they’re hot.” 

Whedon’s acceptance speech unwittingly reveals the contradictions, and similarities, within both his work and interpersonal relationships. Though he may have spent decades fooling Hollywood and his fanbase with his performative brand of feminist allyship, Whedon’s public persona was always a ruse to disguise the fact that he never actually respected strong women. He simply wanted to fuck them.

[askagamedev]

In game development, it is common for the person in charge to make a final decision and therefore overruling some devs in the process. In some posts of yours, you mentioned that you also have been overruled multiple times, and sometimes if was a mistake, but also sometimes is was the right choice. The last part interests me and my question is: Can you describe in which situations you are glad you have been overruled? It sounds like a strong learning moment realizing ones own mistake much later.

Sure. I can definitely recall one such situation - it was certainly an educational epiphany for me because it forever changed how I saw the work. I was working on a pretty well-established MMOG at the time. Like most successful MMOGs, it had a lot of major gameplay systems. I had a personal fondness for a particular one of these gameplay systems so I was excited to pitch an idea expanding and improving on it. My lead gently rebuffed me and gave me perhaps one of the most important design lessons of my life. This is that lesson.

One of the myths I used to believe about game design is "if you build it, they will come". I used to believe that pouring more resources into a particular type of content would entice more players to engage with that content. On paper, it made sense - if we spent more resources on it, we could make it cooler, more intuitive, more engaging, and get more players to play it. That was the essence of my pitch. Unfortunately, I had been running off of a combination of gut feeling and player discussions dedicated to the particular flavor of content I was talking about.

My manager explained it to me - adding more resources would not necessarily see a 1:1 correlation to player engagement. Instead, what would happen would be that the small percentage of players that already engaged with that kind of content regularly would feel great at being fed more, and we'd get a one-time spike of players who would try it once and never go back. No one else would engage with the content. The fact it was a mature MMOG meant that they had years of collected data to back up those assertions.

I wanted to believe that it was just because we didn't try hard enough or didn't put enough resources into it, but I had to face a hard truth - the devs who I had imagined weren't "trying hard enough" were my coworkers and teammates - the ones I knew, worked with, and trusted. It wasn't like we would magically conjure up super-designers from the ether who were far better at content creation than the existing team of seasoned professionals we already had. "Try harder, do better" wasn't a feasible solution once I actually had to consider what "try harder, do better" entailed. It wasn't going to be enough. It wasn't going to work.

As you said, the realization that my core assumption was flawed was a very strong learning moment for me. A long-held bit of industry wisdom is the willingness to "kill your babies", and that day I had the realization that one of mine was quite undead. I am very thankful to my manager for teaching me that lesson that day. It has been some extremely valuable wisdom that I've used to help evaluate ideas, both proposed by others and my own.

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[eternalglitch]

Hi there! First of all, I’m not kidding when I say lfls is one of the best stories I’ve had the pleasure to read in a looong time and I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a wonderfully written story :D

When I started reading the fic it had about 5k kudos and not many chapters were plagued with comments. Now there’s like more than a hundred comments in the latest chapters with 10k kudos and still growing. How does that feel? Does it get overwhelming? What kept you motivated when the numbers weren’t as high? I’m so curious to know how the growth in popularity has been on your part!

I’m also loving the lfls playlist. Have you heard Karma by AJR? Idk why but I feel like it goes really well with the story.

Hoping you’re having a great time in your day to day and once again thanks for sharing your work!

The numbers and statistics on every single one of my social media accounts don't feel real to me, I will be honest.

In 2017 I had another decently big fic (or so I thought), and I was (positively) overwhelmed by waking up to about 24 new comments the next morning when I posted a chapter and that was about it for that chapter's comment count. Now I get maybe 50 within the hour of posting and about ten new ones every day.

I think the first three months of writing lfls I had no concept of anyone really watching. Chapter two got maybe two comments within the week it was posted, but I was also studying abroad at the time and had plenty of things irl to keep myself busy with over in Singapore.

I never had an issue by the (lack of) numbers in the start, because I thought the fandom was too small in the first place to get numbers. I was just writing this for myself. In a fun reversal, sometimes it's harder to write with the bigger following because of stage fright for me. What if I make the wrong call on a plot twist? What if I leave an embarrassing typo that thousands of people will now see? These weren't issues when it felt like no one was watching. But if I get stuck in that mindset for too long, I simply vanish for a break. Make like Avatar Aang and go hibernate for, say, 6 months away from my fic. I've done it before, long enough that I forgot that there was anything to really be nervous about. That was back when this first started really snowballing in attention though, and I think I've grown a bit more used to it all.

Still, my friends make fun of me because my brain can't fully understand just HOW MANY people follow me. It feels like I have 50 followers, when this is not the reality. As a fanfic writer surrounded by very talented artist friends my entire life, I had grown used to the idea that on social media I would never really get a following and would just cheer my friends on for that. The usual script is that the artists get more attention on Tumblr and Twitter, and the writers get their time to shine on ao3 or fanfic.net, but not elsewhere. And I was totally okay with that! I am always very happy for my friends' success. Visual art gets consumed faster and is quicker to draw attention and that's that. But then suddenly this was not the case AT ALL for me. I made it as one of the exceptions. It's really nice to have this weird power to boost other people on social media and get their work seen and recognized in turn.

Because of this popularity, I'm also exposed to a lot more opinions about my work because usually people only find and talk about the fanfic that meets what they are looking for. Now that lfls has fully escaped containment and is in most Rise fandom areas, people that do not seek out or read angst are trying angst. My condolences to those poor souls, I would say my writing is not actually that dark to people that enjoy these tropes but it sure is quite the shocker (lol) if you're new to the scene. Or maybe I'm just terrible at judging how dark I write, I genuinely think some chapters are breathers and yet have seen jokes online that those are some of the most emotionally heart wrenching ones.

But yeah, getting fanart and comments every single day is SO GOOD for keeping up enthusiasm for a long fic. I dread the final chapter a little because it's been an awesome ride that I don't want to end. Excited to show everyone the rest of the fic too, though! And maybe some people will stick around for my next writing adventure.

I think the real crisis is I'm about to maybe even OVERTAKE in kudos one of the fics I really look up to and have aspired to write in that kind of quality for the past 6 years. Which sounds fake. That is FAKE, I haven't gotten my skills sharp enough to do that yet.

And yes I do know that song!! I can definitely see it for lfls. I found it with a Steven Universe amv a few years back.

Thank you for reading and enjoying my work in turn! :}

[bigsleeps]

podcast notes

it is always so jarring to hear people call him "matt healy" and not "matty healy"

"i could live here" (about LA) "it's so optimistic and yet so bleak" "it's a really intense place; when i'm in new york for example, i don't feel this emotional tension push and pull. whereas in los angeles ive always felt a real kind of dissonance between how I feel and what the environment is like."

"i'm here because i'm working. i'm really lucky that so many people want me involved with their records [...] i've got SNL next week. i'm really trying to embrace being on the road. i've been on the road for 10 years, and i think it happened when we were so young and you can't really take it at face value and i just got in this way of touring. i've always ... just like a human, i wanted everything. i wanted a bit of a domestic life, i wanted a long term comfortable relationship, i wanted the touring business to be really good, i wanted our records to be successful. a decision for something is always a decision for something else."

this is an actual conversation between him + bret!! like you can tell matty is rly interested in what he has to say and it's like a proper back and forth!

"i remember getting into your work, for me, was the same as getting into velvet underground [...] the first time i'd seen a book that was cool was less than zero. i was a teenager, not able to put this book down. i didn't get that. i wanted to read that! and then bret easton ellis, those words were kind of naughty, i knew there was something in that that was subversive or irreverent or i wasn't supposed to be looking at and that was magical to me. [...] sure i'd heard of clockwork orange, things that felt quite similar to something punk, or something like that"

"there's an element of buying into the whole world we build [...] it's why we won't have a number one single, but we'll sell out like three nights at the garden. there's a completely different emotional exchange that's going on."

"i remember being struck in a similar way [about the stranger by camus]. there was something about the way that character operates, there's this deep existential dread that materializes in what feels like quite superficial stuff."

"did you feel any trepidation about appearing on podcasts? [...] what are your feelings about the interview?" “The longform context of podcasts allows you to have context, so you can say This is how I really, really feel. Give me a minute, give me some space. Doesn’t really work on Tiktok or Twitter, because they want the moment, or the condensed version of what you’ve said. There’s a couple of ways I think about this, because obviously this is presented to me as … this kind of desire to be authentic, and also just do what I love, but also be on a platform where certain things are expected of me. It’s difficult, because coming from punk — and when I say punk, I’m coming from middle class in the UK, my parents when I was growing up were like jobbing actors, not massively successful. Not hands to mouth, kind of a normal middle class upbringing just my parents were actors. So there’s that aspect of my life. And I always grew up around fame. I saw where some of the values were, where the benefits were. I saw where the trappings were. I wasn't interested in fame, I knew that. Because I started in like, punk bands and stuff like that — I think if you come from where we come from, you're taught in an alternative scene, if you're into records, into books, you should kind of relish transgression and be suspicious of conformity. So that's what I thought were the tenets of being young. Like, this is my opportunity now to be transgressive by proxy. Because I'm young, and I'm going to challenge the status quo and not do what grown ups are doing. That's just what I thought being a teenager was. That's kind of changed a bit now, it feels like conformity and all things that like, punk used to define have departed all left leaning spaces. what are regarded as left leaning spaces now are very very anodyne, very void of human context and human fallibility and all the things that make art, writing, really really interesting. and another strange shift, where we used to want artists to be cigarette smoking bohemians outsiders, and now we want them to be liberal academics. I'm not really interested in the politics of a person unless they're political — the idea of not listening to a record because they're right wing, it's a mad concept to me. we all know i don't like the post-woke, anti-woke thing because I think that with wokeness it's just an arm of progressivism and progressivism is trying to do the right thing. it's trying to deal with the stuff we need to deal with, racism, sexism, all the big issues. it's coming from the right place. so this is where i get in trouble, right. cause i operate as a really, really pop star now, and i suppose i don't think about my behavior but if i was to look back at the way i behave, i act more like ... a cult figure. like someone who has their audience, and it doesn't really matter otherwise. so when i'm, let's say, over the past year, getting myself in trouble, in air quotes, i'm literally realizing that in the moment. i'm forgetting that i'm really big. i'm forgetting that i'm, 34. and i'm into this and i'm into that, and these are my favorite movies and cultural references. and there's some 14 year old kid, who has just got the 1975 box tattooed in this really really big place. and i mention this because this goes into two different areas for me — being cancelled, we can look at it like this: if you do something criminal, and then loads and loads of people talk about it on twitter. which is where most people talk, that's just being found out to be a criminal. that's not being cancelled. [...] if you do something that's morally corrupt or wrong, not subjectively like objectively like normally criminal stuff, you'll get cancelled."

"when i was a child, i would go from a room where my parents were my parents, and then they'd leave to go to work and i'd go visit them at work and they'd be a different person with a different accent. [...] we can decide what reality is whenever we want."

"when the 1975 happened, i was like i don't want to be famous, but i am interested in all of these things and i think my meta-ness has gotten worse. you get to the third album and it starts to get very inward. i can't really help it. what is that shift, there was a desire in art, it was everywhere in the 90s. i don't know what counterculture looks like now."