#so yeah i guess truth trust and forgiveness are things i'm really really interested in exploring right now

[allsassnoclass]

yes good hello!!! may i know about 7, 10, 11, 13, and 25! and i love you sm :) xoxo

@clumsyclifford hi bella! thanks for asking love you too <3

7. What’s a topic you would like to explore? truth and trust! and the intersection of those two! and how to trust someone who isn't truthful and how to tell the truth to someone you don't know if you trust and how to trust someone again when you thought you knew the true them and have been proven wrong.

10. Do you always have a clear image before starting a piece? usually kind of! for fics, i have a general vision and it becomes and increasingly and increasingly clear. i usually know the beginning and the end for sure, with a few touchstone moments in the middle. for moodboards i have a pretty clear image, which can be an issue when i can't find the pictures i want and am not sure how to pivot. all of my moodboards end up looking very different from what i intially envision lol

11. What part of the process of creating brings you the most joy? probably brainstorming tbh! letting plots or ideas come to me and figuring out what's happening and getting to the point where i feel confident enough to start. it also kind of stresses me out because i have so many ideas, but i really like creating worlds and coming up with stories or envisioning moodboards.

13. Is there something you’d like to see created but you know you can’t/won’t do yourself? short answer: no <3 if i can envision something enough to want it, i envision it enough to want to make it myself. i always most enjoy other people's creations when it's something i myself would've never thought of or been able to visualize, such as megs's faking the moon landing fic. i never would've come up with that idea myself, so i enjoy reading it so much more! same with all of my moodboard ideas, with the exception of some moodboards for my fics (like the black coffee and sulfur one that maya made <3) because for my own fics i sometimes draw a huge blank on what should go in a mb, which doesn't typically happen when making a mb for someone else's fic or for my pairings as albums series. if i have an idea for something, i typically want to make it myself rather than have someone else make it

25. Tell us a little known fact about something you’ve made uhhhhhhhhhhh omg. what am i going to say. what have i made that i haven't talked extensively about. OH! in pas de deux harry styles was originally supposed to be a character. i had a scene where michael called him on the phone. they were exes. they danced together at abt. however i wrote him out lol he isn't mentioned in the fic anymore. it just didn't fit.

[theneighborhoodwatch]

uhhh wally/barnaby for the ship thing?? idk if you ship them im just guessing because youve rbed some art for it lmao

(send me a character/ship to hear my thoughts)

when or if I started shipping it: [friendly shrug that communicates absolutely nothing]

my thoughts: IT'S FUNNY, I... I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD FEEL WAY MORE STRONGLY ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BEING ROMANTIC THAN I DO? especially considering that "eccentric and traumatized manic pixie nightmare guy obsessed with fulfilling some fictional archetype x his more cynical and worldly friend-slash-colleague who starts out supportive but eventually finds himself way out of his depth" was pretty much the Exact dynamic of the last ship i was invested enough in to call an otp. so far though, any moments they have together don't get much more out of me than "ooh, interesting, i wonder if/how that's gonna come into play later," or "oho, i think my friend who ships barnwally will get a kick out of this," or "aaaghghg fuck.... buddy comedy angst...." i think my thoughts on them right now can be best summarized as ... i am excited for when there is enough About them in canon to finally make me as emotional over them as i am about, like, franklydear or wally and home. but also even if their relationship is never explicitly or even implicitly romantic then i have more than enough reason to believe it will still be just as emotional and rich with Themes. TL;DR: i know they're gonna fuck me up Some day, but that hasn't happened yet.

What makes me happy about them: they genuinely like each other! i feel like with welcome home's whole Thing of its characters' predetermined roles coming into conflict with their reality it'd be really easy to have one of them secretly hate or resent the other from the get-go, but - no, wally trusts barnaby to always have an answer for what he's feeling or experiencing and barnaby is gentler and more upfront with wally than he is with almost any other character (although considering his general personality that may not be saying much HAHA.) it makes it a lot easier to get invested in them and subsequently dread what effect The Horrors will have on their relationship.

What makes me sad about them: so, like. wally probably knows why he and barnaby are friends to begin with, i.e. he probably knows that A Higher Power decided that they should be friends, and so it was done. the possibility that wally can exist beyond what his audience/creator(s) expect of him does not seem to have ever occurred to wally himself. what i'm getting at here, is that. wally may genuinely like being friends with barnaby, yes. but liking something because you chose to seek it out and liking something because you are under the impression that you will somehow cease to exist without it are Two Very Different Things, and the latter is. very dangerous for any kind of relationship. and, fuck, barnaby - if i was barnaby and i found out that that was how my best friend (who i may or may not be in love with) saw our friendship the whole time - if i found out that was the truth and i never noticed it? i would never be able to forgive myself. even if that friend ended up doing things that hurt me or other people or themselves and i was rightly upset with them for that, there would always be that little voice in the back of my head telling me that if i had just looked closer for two seconds i could have fixed it. i could have helped him. i could have shown him i was a real friend.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i don't seek out WH fic all that often, but i remember when it first became a thing a lot of explicitly romantic barnaby/wally fic made barnaby a little too earnest/mushy for my liking? like yeah, he cares about wally and is gentle with him and everything, but he is also very quick to tease wally and to dress up pretty much everything he says in at least on layer of irony/clowning around. this pooch does NOT have the emotional self-awareness for the things you want him to say!! i also dislike when authors make another character (usually home or. howdy?) like, over-the-top abusive towards wally so barnaby has more incentive to get with him, but i just don't like character assassination/flanderization in general, so.

Things I look for in fanfic: honestly, just, like. more stuff that actually interacts with WH's canon. i feel like a lot of the stuff i see for them is either AU fic or smutty oneshots that don't do a whole lot to incorporate canon elements. which, like, do whatever you want forever, but i'm Starvin' over here.

My kinks: y'know i was gonna be like "teehee, wrong blog! you're not getting that here, silly!" but. i actually have no idea what kinks i would consider Only in the context of wallaby. uhhh. ask for my nsfw blog if you wanna hash that out i guess.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i'm very curious to see if canon is going to end up making a case for laughingstock. i don't know if it will but i think it would be very funny. as for wally... [looks at his relationship with home] uh. [looks at his relationship with W/the WHRP] umm. [looks at his relationship with the audience] fuck. maybe work on yourself a little bit before thinking about sharing your life with someone again, buddy.

My happily ever after for them: an animated music video set to on melancholy hill by gorillaz. it opens with wally sitting in front of home's burning remains at night, gazing mournfully into its eyes one last time. the only sound we hear is the crackling of the fire. we smash cut to black for a split second before the song begins to play, paired with the visual of wally driving down a long highway at sunset, in what is very clearly a hastily painted over mail truck that used to belong to eddie's post office. after the opening instrumental of the song, the footage alternates between three perspectives: wally traveling to his unknown destination, complete with all the hitchhiking, gas pumping, pit stopping, and otherwise less glamorous parts of road travel; the other neighbors trying to put their lives back together after The Bullshit, in particular following barnaby's melancholic point of view as he visits each one/attends their various get-togethers; and finally, the neighbors Braving The Horrors back in the day to fight for a life that best fits their needs rather than that of their long-dead makers. as the song begins to roll to a close, we see the mail truck pull up to an unfamiliar looking house, with a handful of neighbors hanging out on the porch and barnaby leaving out the front door to grab something. the entire scene takes place at sunset once again, meaning everything in is in silhouette. barnaby stops dead in his tracks when he sees the truck, and the others soon follow his gaze. wally opens the door and steps out, his body language hesitant as he takes one step towards barnaby. barnaby begins to walk towards him. we smash cut to black on the final note of the song. the end.

[fireemblems24]

Chapter 8 of Scarlet Blaze

Spoilers for up to Ch 8 beneath the cut. This chapter fucking sucked.

Also, I know I tagged this as SB, but be warned this was pretty critical of it. If anyone is actually still browsing tag and thinks I should remove it, I will.

STORY

Hell, yeah, Dimitri was taking names.

This plot is . . . kinda stupid. I feel like Edelgard is just running back and forth the whole time, accomplishing nothing.

LAMO, Omg, she just straight-up blamed all the deaths from the previous battle on . . . Claude 😂

Edelgard really be like "Why did Claude make me hit him!"

I'm pretty sure the writers didn't intend for SB to read like a Monty Python skit, but Edelgard has less self-awareness than Sir Lancelot when he kept apologizing for slaughtering the wedding party because at least that he was aware enough to apologize.

Oh, Randolph. So how many times does he die this time?

So, like, does Shez want people to get executed if they flip sides? He's like, geeze, how dare Claude and Dimitri forgive people.

Shez is like "I don't understand a word you say Edelgard, but I'm helping you slaughter your way across Fodlan because you may rub off on me!" More "SB is a comedy in disguise" fuel.

I wish I picked F!Shez for every route. I like her VA a lot more. Plus, I've seen this personality on a male character in the countless number of shonen anime and manga I've watched/read, but not as much in a woman. And unlike M!Byleth who's gorgeous, M!Shez is alright, but not super hot or anything.

So Lindhart mentioned that the Kingdom and Alliance can rally against the Empire because of the relics and crests. And like, I don't see how killing Rhea will make that power vanish and people not desperately want it. I feel like so much of Edelgard's spiel is an edgelord's power fantasy with no basis in reality.

This soldier is like "Dimitri labeled everyone who sided with his uncle as guilty in the tragedy of Duscur!" Lamo. Except it's true. Would've been interesting if it wasn't and see how Dimitri handled that. I sometimes wish he got more grey situations bc the writing in Hopes so far he's just . . . the good guy. Like straight-up the hero, no questions. Which, I love because at heart that's what Dimitri is, but I wish the writing would corner him anyways.

Oh, fuck. It's Sylvain. Oh fuck. I don't want to fight him. That sucked.

Count Rowe is being a backstabbing moron. I love how it's always the evil ones that side with Edelgard. It's an underrated thing no one talks about.

And now I have to fight Rodrigue :( Feels bad, killing Blue Lions+ members for the crime of defending themselves.

Ok. It's an unquestionable fact that when you find yourself fighting Annette, you are the villain. This is just truth.

Pretty sure this is heading to a temporary truce between Claude and Edelgard. Which, Claude's (and the Alliance's) funeral, I guess, lamo.

SHEZ & PETRA B SUPPORT

Petra's asking Shez about mercenaries. Questions if Shez would work for the enemy if they offered more money. Aww, damn. You don't have an option to say yes. :(

At least it's somewhat based in trust on their employer (and to get future ones) and not just mindless fangasming. I wouldn't want that in GW or AG either.

DOROTHEA & HUBERT B SUPPORT

This is their only support.

Hubert has a letter from the opera company and wanted to talk to Dorothea, so he's giving it to her in person.

Ohhh, he's bringing up how Dorothea hates violence, but stays and fights in the war rather than returning to the opera.

Glad this is finally getting addressed. Letting Dorothea talk.

It's part wanting to fight alongside her friends and part wanting to represent commoners in Edelgard's army. But also to score a rich husband.

Honestly, much better than whatever the fuck their Houses final support was.

HUBERT & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

So other popular ships got amped up (Dimilix, Dimidue, Marihilda - strangely not Sylvix though). So did the gay get turned up here?

Ferdinand is up late and Hubert wonders why. Ferdinand is studying the law to try and get his father arrested.

Oh, Ferdinand brought up the fact Hubert's father died. Putting Hubert to the question about executing his own father and mad he didn't judge his father in public

Hubert argues that his father would never have been found guilty.

God, that was SOOOOO much meatier than "I wanna serve Edelgard the best!" "No I wanna!!!!"

Monica took over the "pathetic Edelgard simp" to Hubert's "competent Edelgard simp" so Ferdinand could finally fucking get to run.

Ferdinand so far is 10000% the best part of SB (I'd say Petra competes, but I like her better in AG so far).

SHEZ & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

Shez thinks Ferdinand is faking enthusiasm. Not like that. Lamo. He's just overcompensating for his father's failure.

Ferdinand feels powerless and useless. I wish he was the MC.

Shez just wants to help Ferdinand feel better.

Ferdinand wants to surpass his father.

It's a repeat of his stuff with Edelgard and Hubert, but it's by far the most compelling part of SB.

PETRA & HUBERT B SUPPORT

Hubert is checking on Petra to make sure she feels comfortable and temps her with staying in the Empire, but Petra's like "naw."

Worth noting that Brigid is still under the thumb of the Empire. So Petra's a hostage basically forced into this war in order to secure the freedom of her country.

And they can't even go public yet, fearing the citizens get pissed off. Man, the Empire must be full of bloodthirsty land grabbers.

Go Petra! She low-key threatens Hubert and forces them to uphold their promises. Nice seeing her have a backbone.

PETRA & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

Ferdinand sung to Petra to ask her to spar. It's really cringe. Like, realllllly cringe. I would've been embarrassed if I wasn't playing alone.

He thinks this is some Brigid custom, but song and dance is only involved with religious ceremonies. Petra calls him out for finding her country so silly.

It's a mistranslation

Petra owned Ferdinand in this support and we are here for it.

FERDINAND & LYSITHEA C SUPPORT

Talking tea. Can relate.

Lysithea was ready to eat the food and bail. Nice.

But Ferdinand wanted to ask her about joining the commoner class. Lysithea insists she's fine with it and wants to.

Ferdinand doesn't know any de-nobled nobles who are happy. Lysithea know he only knows ones who got kicked out, he's not wrong.

Then he's like, you can't join them! Then you can't change anything anymore. But like what is he fighting on Edelgard's side for?

She, of course, doesn't have a future.

MONICA & BERNIE PARALOGUE

Bernie's enjoying her socially isolated life when Monica needs her help with something because there's no one else around.

You can have Shez agree she shouldn't come, and he says he'll slow them down, lamo. Bernie is offended.

They need to rid bandits out of a cave.

So his Duke is part of it. And he's had problems finding the Fetters of Dromini because of a TWSITD spy. It's also related to whoever kidnapped Monica.

So all I get is Shez, Monica, and Bernie. Only Shez has even looked at a battlefield and the other two are level 1 an 2. I can make 1 an adjunct, but not both. Ugh. Gotta go level at least one up.

Oh, hey, Myson.

I forgot how good of a unit Shez is lol.

Seems like Bernie actually has a decent mom. Bernie just wants to hide in the caves though. Monica advises against it.

DOROTHEA & MANUELA PARALOGUE

This one is easier since they're both leveled up already.

Everyone is fangirling over them. Dorothea assures Manuela that time hasn't tarnished her beauty, but she doesn't buy it.

They wanted Shez as a bodyguard because he's not a crazed fan. I wish real life celebrities would just whip out daggers on ridiculous fans.

This one's more entertaining than the last one. Random thieves are fans and if you defeat them with whoever they're a fan of (Dorothea or Manuela) they join you, lamo. Good both of them are already leveled up too.

Aww, Hanneman showed up to rescue Manuela.

The bandits were swarming the town because of the war. It's nice to see more acknowledgement of how Edelgard's war is screwing over the common folk.

Glad to see Hanneman get a nice little shout out despite getting demoted to NPC. Dorothea and Shez basically told them to get a room, lamo.

STORY/MAIN FIGHT

Edelgard is the least effective conquer I've seen in fiction.

"Defeat Dimitri" - How about, no.

I see "persuade Mercedes." Does that mean I need to bring Jeritza? Because it's not like Hubert or Edelgard are masters of persuasion.

"Defeat Dedue." I hate this. Monica's like, "If Dedue's here, then Dimitri is too." Even SB ships them.

Haha, they flipped sides to Dimitri after he was like "I don't want to kill you, please fight for me instead." And like, no shit?

Aw, shit. Now I have to fight Dimitri.

Oh, now I get to fight Ingrid too. Guys, I'm having so much fun right now. It doesn't help at all that SB is boring as fuck.

Oh, shit. Fuck. What the fuck. Ingrid just died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh shut the fuck up, Edelgard. "Oh, this is so painful." IDK maybe stop trying to conquer everyone who doesn't kiss your ass. You too, Monica. "Oh, she was loyal to the end."

I'm beginning to remember why I hated Edelgard so much in CF. She's such a self-righteous idiot incapable of taking responsibility for her shitty actions AND has no sense of self-awareness.

Dimitri and Dedue sound so sad 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dedue and Dimitri both taking the credit, meanwhile prissy ass is like "oh, wow, so sad these people died. No idea why."

Shit, Dimitri just mentioned Glenn. He sounds so broken up. Glad Dedue is giving Ingrid the credit for her own choices and actions.

She died defending everyone she loved.

I bet Edelgard will find a way to blame Rhea for Ingrid's death rather than take any responsibility for all the death she causes.

Only Dorothea fucking cares about Ingrid.

"We are nowhere near achieving our goals in the Alliance or in the Kingdom." - Edelgard. I can't fucking understand how some people argue she's isn't an Imperialist.

At least she's admitting she's fucking stupid with her army leadership inabilities.

I'd tell Edelgard to go fuck herself, but that implies a level of pleasure she doesn't deserve. #JusticeforIngrid #StoptheImperalists

xxxx

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

[mageofseven]

(´・ω|—|—|—|

hewoo.. its me, shy blob..

May I request how the demon bros react to Simeon and MC's secret relationship?

(///▽///) if its too much, I'm sorry!

m(_ _)m forgive meee

Aww hello shy blob! I'm actually planning to include such a scene in my Simeon section of MC's Pregnancy and Birth. However, I guess I can make a non pregnancy version of this too~

I hope you like it 🥰

~

The couple's relationship was discovered by little Luke. Despite making him promise to keep it a secret, the little boy accidentally made it slip one day and now the brothers know MC and the angel are dating.

Lucifer:

Laughs somewhat bitterly and without humor.

If there was any doubt MC descended from Lilith, that doubt would now be erased.

His sister, an angel, risked everything to be with a human despite every unspoken rule in the three realms telling her that she shouldn't.

Now MC, a human, has fallen in love with Simeon of all people?

Did they truly realize all they were risking? Surely they must know somewhat since they tried to hide it for who knows how long but still.

Lucifer feels a sense of...well, as if history was repeating itself in a way and his worry for MC was immeasurable.

Lectures the couple fervently

But upon hearing MC's pleas and how they talk about their love for Simeon, the oldest had a flashback to the day he discovered Lilith's interest in her human and how he originally treated her...

Lucifer didn't want to make that same mistake twice, but there was confusion with in him about what truly was the mistake: trying to separate Lilith from the human originally or giving in so soon afterwards?

He didn't know, but as he looked into MC's eyes, he could practically hear his sister begging too, telling him to help them in some way.

The Avatar of Pride sighed. He didn't know what to do for them if word got back to the Celestial realm about them. Simeon would undoubtedly be punished and the two would be split up, but what if his Father wanted to punish MC too? What then?

Their relationship could fracture the delicate political progress Lord Diavolo has made towards peace.

Tells MC he will look into some things to see if something can be done for the both of them

And eventually has a private talk with the angel, wanting to hear from him that this is all real and that Simeon is not playing some cruel game with the human.

Upon hearing the man's struggles, about how hard he fought to keep MC at arms length, but failed and fell so hard for them, the demon pursed his lips.

For now, Lucifer tells the angel keep it from others and make sure Luke doesn't spread the news farther than he already has.

The less that know, the more time a plan can be made.

Overall, Lucifer is frustrated by the news but somewhat sympathetic.

Mammon:

Real jealous, ngl

I mean, he's their first! Why the hell does Simeon get to date them?

All of that aside, the second brother is worried for MC though.

I mean, yeah, technically Lilith got her happy ending, but just barely. Like, it literally took a miracle by Lord Diavolo to salvage things from the tragedy that almost happened to her.

So what's stopping things from turning to tragedy for MC and Simeon?

Complains a lot to MC about how he should be their man, but in truth, just doesn't want the human to get hurt.

Leviathan:

Hides away in his room in self pity

Because of course MC would rather be with an angel like Simeon instead of a yucky otaku like him.

It's not until after he's been sulking in his room for two days that MC's situation fully sinks in.

Are...are they really gonna be okay? At best, Simeon might get punished and taken from them. At worst...the third brother didn't wanna think about it.

Suddenly feels like such a dick for making this about himself.

He really wants to help his Henry...but doesn't feel like there's anything he can do for them.

Satan:

Is immediately bitter upon hearing the news but is curious.

How long has this relationship been going on?

He's honestly surprised that they were able to keep this from him and his brothers this whole time.

He doesn't really see himself as an expect on Angelic culture; after all, a lot of the Celestial realm's inner workings are kept a secret to most. Many things you simply cannot read within books.

However, he knows enough about what happened to Lilith to know that this news is...concerning.

The Celestial realm is strict with their angels and won't be happy to hear that Simeon has fallen in love with a human.

This...he'll have to discuss with his brothers on how to keep MC safe if things turn dangerous for the couple.

It honestly seems inevitable that this will end in heartbreak for the human, but if they can at least keep them safe physically, that's something.

Asmodeus:

"Oh. My. Devil. Why didn't you two tell me??"

Hugs the two and tells them how cute they are together.

Asks a million questions.

When did they start dating? How serious is it? Who asked who out? Describe the moment!

Don't get him wrong though; he does understand how serious this is because of what Lilith went through.

Unlike his brothers though, believes that things might end up okay. I mean, surely this situation is different enough from before that the two could have a happy ending?

While his brothers are waiting tensely for the situation to blow up in the couple's faces, Asmo is keeping his eyes on all the good that can come from this.

The Avatar of Lust just wants to the two to be happy.

Let's his brothers prepare for dooms day or whatever; Azzy would rather be positive and remind the two that even when things look dark that their love for each other is important and worth the fight.

Beelzebub:

The only one of his brothers to immediately worry about MC's safety.

Most of his brothers were either more concern with their own feelings, either of frustration or unrequited love, but Beely just wanted to keep MC out of harm's way.

He already lost his sister to the Celestial realm's strict rules and he wouldn't be surprised if they've gotten even stricter since then.

The big guy really hoped that both MC and Simeon can make it out of this okay.

Not much of a planner, but trusts that Lucifer will think of something and is on standby, waiting to be told what to do.

Belphegor:

Pissed, but scared.

Blames all of this on Simeon.

That fucker knows the consequences to this shit, but he still chose to drag MC into it?

Is held back by Beel as he yells at the angel to stay the fuck away from MC.

After a long argument between the himself, the couple, and his brothers, the Avatar of Sloth realizes that nothing is gonna change.

Starts yelling at Lucifer to do something because things cannot repeat themselves. He can't lose MC like he lost Lilith.

Really doesn't care what the Celestial realm does to Simeon, but he will be damned a second time before he let's anything happen to MC.

[thevibraniumveterans]

I'M STARTING WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR...

I'm asking him to change his ways And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

-

A couple of points to make.

1. Loki and identity

According to head writer Michael Waldron, "in a series that, to me, is ultimately about self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself, it just felt right that that would be Loki's first real love story." 

Loki learning to love himself, reflecting on who he really is as a person, and forgiving his past misdeeds, is the ultimate character growth, something that the TVA was hell-bent on preventing because it did not line up with how they saw Loki to be. Loki seeing himself in his mirror and realizing that he needs to change? Yeah. That's the big thing going on here.

According to Tom Hiddleston, "I don't think Loki's relationship with himself has been very healthy. Trying to accept those aspects of himself, which he's been on the run from, was a way of thinking about that in a really interesting way."

Think about how Loki praised Sylvie for being amazing because she's been running rings around the TVA. Again, it's a metaphor, because Loki has never in his entire life, honestly praised himself and talked about himself in a good and honest way. I will talk about how Sylvie is Loki's mirror and metaphor later, because this is important. It's also the reason why I started this post off with the chorus of Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror". It's relevant, okay?

According to director Kate Herron, "The whole show is about identity. It's about him, and he is on a very different path, and he is on a different journey." And it is! It's kind of how the saying goes, when one reaches rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up, right?

2. "Love is a dagger."

Terrible metaphor it may be, according to Tom Hiddleston of what Loki says to Sylvie in Ep3, "They were having a talk about love and trusting other people, and not being able to either love or trust for whatever reason." The dagger, then, would represent "Loki's experience of love, I suppose. He certainly feels like it's not been something he's been close to. It has been some sort of illusion that he has trusted and been let down by."

(https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-love-is-a-dagger-sylvie)

3. "Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about."

Interestingly enough, I've had several thoughts on the relationship dynamic between Loki and Sylvie.

Yes, Mobius did describe it as "Two Variants of the same being, especially you, forming this kind of sick, twisted, romantic relationship", but even I'm having opinions that would start to contradict each other.

At first I went around saying that the dynamic between Loki and Sylvie are strictly platonic, and I pointed out that to me, the Nexus Event might've been honesty and truth, because according to the "Sacred Timeline", those are two things that nobody associates with Loki, and the fact that in that short amount of time, Loki realizing that he needs to be honest with himself throws the entirety of TVA into disarray. It's a chance for Loki to be honest with himself and really come to terms with who he is as a person.

Now where does Sylvie fit into all of this?

In my opinion, even from Episode 3, I saw Sylvie as a mirror, Loki's perfect metaphor. Why do I say this? Remember in Ep2 when she told Loki, "If anyone's anyone, you're me"?

I had jokingly thought to myself that Loki was just about to tell Sylvie how he feels about her and himself (because Loki talking about his feelings is rare, as he himself said, “this is new to me”), but then I thought a little deeper and went, “hmm, this doesn’t have to be taken in a romantic way at all, Sylvie is not a love interest (because to me that’s just weird, no offense, unless the circumstances were super different, under which I think it might’ve been okay then and depending on the situation, but not here in these circumstances) it’s just Loki admitting what kind of a person he is, and if he can be better, it’s just Loki figuring himself out.” (I'll talk about why I have conflicting thoughts later.)

Even Tom Hiddleston, in a recent interview with ComicBook.com, had specifically stated about his character: "It will be interesting to see what happened when Loki can't talk his way out of a situation, as is his dominant strategy in most encounters. I am most excited for fans to see what happens to Loki when he has nowhere left to run, when he can't delude himself anymore." That last bit with Sylvie? Yeah, Loki coming to terms with himself, being honest, not being able to delude himself anymore. He had nowhere left to run.

I know I did say that at first I did not see Loki and Sylvie as having any romantic tension between them, but please, hear me out first. 

According to Classical Mythology, PSYCHE is "a personification of the soul", which is exactly what Sylvie is to Loki. It would make the "if anyone's anyone, you're me" comment make way more sense. Remember how I said Sylvie is Loki's mirror? Loki getting this close to talking about his (what I see as non-romantic) feelings about himself, how he sees his own person, talking about himself in an emotional way, really admitting to his mirror that reflects the deepest parts of himself who he really was, and then just STOPPED before he could do so was so heartbreaking.

I had said that he was not gonna tell her he loved her because that’s so messed up (I get that narcissism is loving yourself but Sylvie is NOT Loki, nor is Loki Sylvie, they’re two different individuals), but Loki was just about to reveal his true feelings, his real emotions that he’s been trying to hide from himself all along. Loki can no longer run away (remember this comment from one of the interviews?), from himself, his emotions, there’s nowhere for him to run, it was time to be honest with himself.

Somewhere I made a comment that went like this:

Loki finally finding a connection with someone who is so much like him, yet so much unlike him is rare. ("Sylvie's not Loki. Sylvie is Sylvie" and "while they're the same, they're not the same" - Hiddleston / "She is him, but she's not him." - Herron) In that Loki has always been alone, and everything that he did was a cry for help that he never received, while Sylvie had been alone for so many years she's had to rely on herself to survive.

It makes sense then, that both Loki and Sylvie see themselves in each other ("I see a scheme, and in that scheme I see myself" from Ep2) and acknowledge that they are both lonely survivors who made it through so much, that they had each other for even that short amount of time.

That connection they had, that emotional attachment that they came to share, was not romantic in any way. (I'll get to why I’m conflicted about this, and why I may come to be okay with it, in a bit.) I read somewhere that the Nexus Event was not as Mobius described it, but was that Loki finally knowing that he'll never be alone, that he's honest with himself, which is something that goes against the TVA's dictates. THAT's the Nexus Event!

According to the TVA and Ravonna, Loki can't be caring! He can't change from being a homicidal maniac! He can't change! But we know Loki can. Loki himself knows that he can change. This knowledge and acceptance was enough to cause the damn Nexus Event, because the Timekeepers did not decree it! Even in Ep1, Loki declared that he would not let the TVA dictate how his story ends. It's clear that Loki's story is nt over yet.

Two lonely survivors find each other, so it's not surprising that Loki himself was THIS close to finally admitting the truth about himself, admitting and being honest with himself... until Ravonna pruned him.

Ravonna has always been pro-TVA and anti-Loki, so it's not surprising that earlier when she was speaking to Mobius, he's like, "Loki can change" but she's like "no because the TVA said so", so therefore when she hears that Loki is finally being honest with himself (through almost revealing his feelings to Sylvie), Ravonna cannot take it and obliterates him herself. According to her, which says that according to the TVA, Loki having an honest and real change of heart is the real Nexus Event and as such, must be prevented.

Now, about love, I guess, new to Loki as it may be. 

(Talking points from https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love)

Here's where I think I can explain why though I'm not 100% on board with Loki being romantically involved with Sylvie I might warm up to the idea, the possibility of them being kind of a thing. I'm a little divided on it myself, but here goes.

First and foremost, here's something that head writer Michael Waldron says about the possibility of a romance: "That was one of the cruxes of my pitch [for the series], that there was going to be a love story. We went back and forth for a little bit about, like do we really want to have this guy fall in love with another version of himself? Is that too crazy?" Maybe, maybe not.

You see, as you know, Sylvie is a version of Loki, but is not Loki. Mobius describes them as "Two Variants of the same being." Director Kate Herron notes, however, saying of Sylvie about Loki that "she is him, but she's not him. They've had such different life experiences." Tom Hiddleston chimes in with "Sylvie's not Loki. Sylvie is Sylvie. I think he realizes, and she realizes, that while they're the same, they're not the same."

But what about the love story?

Mobius concludes through context clues that Loki is "an incredible seismic narcissist! You fell for yourself!" He taunts Loki, "You like her! Does she like you?"

Here's where it gets interesting. Loki had reassured Sylvie that people like them don't die so easily, they survive. He had praised her for running circles around the TVA, calling her amazing (again, another metaphor, but I think I've covered that), after which she had placed her hand on Loki's arm. Notice his reaction - he looks down at where her hand had made contact with his arm, shifts in a way that suggests his surprise. He's like, 'Is this warmth I'm feeling? I've never felt someone's gentle touch before. I think she cares for me, is that even possible for someone like me?'

He looks up at her, and though his story differs from Sylvie's, he recognizes that though he may have suffered, she had been physically on the run her entire life, whereas Loki had been mentally and metaphorically on the run from himself. We see from the look on his face that though Loki and Sylvie had spent less than 12 hours in each other's presence, he's come to respect her and her courage to do what he could never have. "You're amazing," he says.

Michael Waldron continues, "The look that they share, that moment, [it started as] a blossoming friendship. Then for the first time, they both feel that twinge of, ‘Oh, could this be something more? What is this I'm feeling?’ These are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another. That's a straight-up and down branch, and exactly the sort of thing that would terrify the TVA."

Sylvie's not sure if she's got any sort of feelings for Loki, but she does ask if he's okay after they reach the golden elevators that would take them to the Timekeepers. Anyway, after the time loop punishment on Asgard, during which Lady Sif tells him, "You deserve to be alone and you always will be", Loki realizes that he's scared of being alone. He hopes that there might be someone out there with whom he can connect on a deeper level.

Director Kate Herron points out, "Who's a better match for Loki than himself?" Or Sylvie, for that matter. But because "but she's not him. They've had such different life experiences," it would make so much sense and would totally be in character for Loki to connect with someone he sees himself in, again, metaphorically speaking.

This is the ultimate journey of "self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself", as Waldron puts it, so for Loki to come to terms that he might possibly love Sylvie is a metaphor for accepting himself as he truly is, not what or who he projects himself to be. It's about being kind to himself, because as he reflects on this new feeling about Sylvie, he's also reflecting upon himself and whether or not he can keep running from his emotions, as Tom Hiddleston says. The answer is no, he cannot run any longer from his acknowledgment that he's got feelings for Sylvie than he can run from his own realizations about himself. He forgives Sylvie as a metaphorical way of forgiving himself for his past misdeeds, like admitting that cutting off Sif's hair was not funny at all. It would make sense then, according to Waldron, that "that would be Loki's first real love story." Not a story about a narcissist, but a story of identity and self-acceptance and honesty.

The fact that Loki and Sylvie are two COMPLETELY different people who are so dissimilar except for the fact that they're two lonely survivors, could possibly result in them having a relationship.

Hear me out on why.

You know how Loki had said to Sylvie at the end, "this is new to me"? He means that he has never before known how to express love and care because he's never received any of either. For all of his life, he had been treated badly by all except perhaps his mother, but as in Ep3, he agrees that though he's had courtships before, none of those relationships, none of it included any type of love that felt tangentially real to him. Loki doesn't know what real love is... until Sylvie comes along. She does not make him know what love is, because he comes to terms to his feelings all on his own.

Tom Hiddleston says, "When Loki meets Sylvie, he's inspired solely by curiosity." Herron adds, about the relationship, "It was just about giving it the space to breathe and digging into it in a way that felt earned." And I think that I might come to accept that it is earned, in some way.

Two lonely survivors who quite literally run into each other, who recognize each other for who they really are, who accept each other and themselves, and who can finally be truthful and honest with themselves and each other. It's not always a game of checkers or chess. Sometimes, it's a maze of metaphors and mirrors.

I understand that this relationship between Sylvie and Loki is controversial for some, cute for others. If I hadn't already made myself clear, I was never really against the pairing, just that I was never 100% sure I'd board that train myself. I was initially of the opinion that their dynamic was strictly platonic, but because I'm open to different interpretations, I decided to have a look at why people saw the relationship between Loki and Sylvie as a beautiful one.

The conclusion I came to, is that there definitely is more than one interpretation of Loki and Sylvie's dynamic, and that I'm okay with both. We've got two episodes left, so I'm curious to see how Sylvie and Loki's dynamic plays itself out.

Ultimately, this story is about Loki.

Loki has to start with the man in the mirror. The person he metaphorically sees himself in is Sylvie, his perfect mirror, and he's asking himself to change his ways. No message, no relationship, no reflection, no realization, no feeling could have been any clearer. So, if Loki wants to be a better person, which we know he can and will be, he will take a look at himself in his mirror and make that change.

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

Drown your sorrows - part 7

Grab your tissues dude, this one is not a happy one at all. I'm sorry in advanced

special shout out to my pal @hufflepuffkilljoy for helping me with some details for this chapter. I also feel like they’re going to kill me after reading this so wish me luck.

Masterlist

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy is fortunate enough to stay conscious this time.

It's a lot warmer than the warehouse was and he's still just as afraid.

But he feels more prepared for the heat now.

Tubbo was so close to the first explosion, too close. Tommy watches the blast separate them and he can hear his friends desperate coughs from across the burning room. He can't get up, his wrist is hurt and his injured leg burns every time he tries to put pressure on it. He calls for Tubbo but he doesn't think his friend can hear him between his endless coughing and the roaring flames.

He's so thankful Tubbo isn't alone when Eret finally shows, the older man slips masks on both of them and they huddle together for a moment before Tommy hears something explode below them. He tries to cling to Eret as he reaches for Tubbo and they all plummet down into freezing water.

He and Eret sink into the water and the harshness of it makes Tommy gasp. 

Water seeps in through his mask and the tightness of it makes him panic

He attempts to take the mask off, as if that might make him less disorientated.

It's doesn't

He takes a big gulp of water into his mouth and suddenly he can't stop.

He's drowning.

His limbs flail about and he cant help but scream into the water as pain ruptures through him. He keeps taking in more and more water and his lungs spasm as they fill with murky liquid. Tommy doesn't know where he is, it's dark and cold and he doesn't know which way is up and if his body wasn't already submerged in water he thinks he might cry.

Tommy doesn't want to die

There are so many things he hasn't done yet, so many things he hasn't said.

He wanted to take Tubbo to his favorite place in the city and go adventuring through the abandoned buildings Dream used to let him demolish when he was angry or upset. He wanted to tell his best friend in the whole word that he loved him, that they were brothers until the end. He never really had the courage to say it before now, thought it would make him sound childish and weird. ( Really he was just afraid that Tubbo wouldn't feel the same, and he wasn't ready to let his best friend go just yet. )

He wanted to thank Wilbur for taking him into l’manburg, for trusting him and becoming the older brother figure he never thought he needed ( or wanted ). For teaching him how to properly aim a gun and negotiate something without shouting, for letting him become the heir to the empire they built. 

He thinks about all the movie nights with fundy and Eret, remembers popcorn fights and sleepovers, baking competitions and playing video games till early dawn. He remembers waking up from nightmares and talking to Eret about his scars, sharing the good and the bad with each and every one of them.

As the seconds roll past, Tommy can feel himself suffocating. His lungs fill with more and more water and his body starts to shut down, the pain is everywhere and nowhere and slowly he becomes blissfully aware that he is going to die here.

In the back of his mind he hopes that dream knows he’s forgiven. If he’s going to die he might as well forgive the man, he knows deep down that dream never wanted any of this and he hopes that his death will spark something in the man, and prevent the bloodshed of his friends.

The last thing on Tommys mind before the darkness swallows him is Technoblade, and he wonders if he’ll finally see him again when he goes to sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“How old were you when you first killed someone?”

“Jeezus Tubbo what the hell dude.”  

Tommy swats at his best friend who's laying next to him on the wooden floor. They're all laying on piles and blankets and duvets and tucked up in sleeping bags like campers. Popcorn crumbs litter the floor and Tubbo has kernels stuck in his hair after he used the bowl as protection from Tommy throwing pillows at him.

The group decided to have a sleepover to commemorate Wilbur's birthday, all of them laid in a circle around the couches in wilburs living room and Wilbur almost regrets letting them into his house.

Tommy and Tubbo are layed on the floor, heads close to each other facing opposite directions. Tommy is smiling as he flails his arms at the other boy and has his feet resting in Erets lap. Fundy is on Erets left, curled up in 3 blankets like a burrito, a clear sign of Wilburs handiwork after someone made a joke about fundy being wilburs child.

Wilbur himself is half paying attention to the movie they all put on as background noise as he tries not to look like he’s actually enjoying the night his boys had planned.

Nobody spoke at first, no one was really quite sure what to say. Eventually, Wilbur took a breath and spoke in a slight monotone. “fifteen.”

Even though they may have been concerned, nobody was quite as surprised as maybe they should have been. It was a rough line of work, it wasn't really a shock to anyone that their leader had started so young.

“Robbery gone wrong, cops came earlier than expected. Shot one to save myself, nothing more to it.”

Fundy pokes his head out of his blanket burrito a little more and rests his head on his knees. “Got in a fight back in the Netherlands when I was eighteen, ended badly for the other guy.”

Eret is a bit more hesitant to respond but with a reassuring nudge from Tommy, he gives the teen a small smile and takes a breath. “Got involved with a super serious gang back in England when I was sixteen.”

He doesn't say anything more but nobody really blames him. Eret never really talks about his time back in England much, but the team sees the way he gets nervous around cameras and always makes sure he can never be traced wherever he goes. Everyone is running from something, it's why most of them came to America after all.

Tommy doesn't realize it's his turn until he’s noticed everyone's looking at him.

He laughs and swats at Tubbo for a second time. “It's your question you go first.”

Tubbo looks at his friend strangely but shakes it off and reaches to grab a handful of crisps. “Ummm, technically I haven't.”

Tommy listens to his best friend shove a handful of crisps in his mouth and his throat goes dry, he only distantly hears Fundy ask Tubbo a question but his thoughts seem to drown everyone out. 

He knows he has two options here. He knows that lying is the safest one for him, that he could just follow along with what Tubbo said and just get it over with. But he feels compelled to let the truth just spill out of his mouth and let everything into the world. He can't help it when the words start falling from his lips, he so desperately wants to shove everything back into the box he’s kept everything in for years and go back to the fun loving, annoying Tommy everyone knows.

But instead he just had to open his stupid mouth like he always does.

“I uhh, I killed mum.”

Shit

Shit

Shit

“She uhh, bled out, when I was born.”

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

“So yeah uhh, I guess I win.”

The room is silent, and he’s brought out of his head by Eret rubbing small comforting circles into the bottom of his leg.

“Tommy.”

He really wishes he hadn't spoke

“You know that couldn't have possibly been your doing.”

Wow the ceiling is really interesting

“Tommy.”

He can't speak. If he speaks he’s going to cry and he can't cry. 

Tommyinnit doesn't cry.

He feels Tubbo moving to wrap and arm around him and he really wants to just not be here.

He’s lying on the floor of his bosses friends house, crying in front of the people he cares about most about because he couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut.

Tommy feels himself moving and slowly more and more arms are around him. He feels a blanket being draped over him and suddenly he finds himself sobbing into someone's chest.

Someone is running their hand through his hair and he wonders if that's something his mother would have done for him.

Sometimes he wishes life was different, that maybe he might have had a better childhood if his mother had been in his life for longer than three seconds.

But as he feels his own tears soak into one of his friends' shirts, he thinks that maybe his life ain't so bad.

And later in the night when he's stood on Wilbur's kitchen counter with Erets glasses hanging off his face singing loudly to random Hamilton songs with his friends, he knows he wouldn't change it for the world.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy wakes up confused and coughing.

He can feel the water spluttering out of his mouth and he feels like he's throwing up his organs.

He’s vividly aware that something doesn't feel right

He feels wrong and disorientated and,,,

He’s underwater?

Tommy flails his limbs about and in a matter of seconds he surfaces into darkness

He coughs up all of the water that's been sloshing about in his lungs and his throat stings as fresh air floods into his body.

Through all the coughing and the sound of water in his ears, he hears a voice calling him.

“Tommy!”

He turns his head to find Eret also treading water on the other side of a mountain of rubble, he has a large gash on the side of his head that looks like it would have dried by now if not for the water continuously splashing against it. His glasses are nowhere to be seen and Erets looking at him like he knows something Tommy doesn't.

“Tommy thank god you're okay.”

Tommy swims over to where Eret is still floating and takes a moment to examine the rubble surrounding his friend. 

Most of it seems to be concrete and rocks piled up around him, but the two big metal pipes separating him and Eret are what concern him. And the fact that Eret hasn't made an attempt to move past them.

"Where's tubbo?"

"He swam over that direction, tried to find a way out I think."

"Why didn't you follow him."

"Tommy."

"Come on we can't just leave him to look on his own. He'd get lost in a bloody parking lot."

Tommy wraps his hands around one of the pipes and attempts to push it out of the way.

Eret doesn't move.

"Tommy I,"

"Waters rising, gotta move this thing before Tubbo ends up swimming into someone's toilet."

The younger boy changed angles and tried to pull the other pipe towards him.

"Tommy."

He feels Eret place his hand on top of his own but the younger boy swats it away and keeps trying to force the pipes out of the way.

“Come on man, just, just try.”

Eret grabs his hand again.

“Just help me okay!”

Water splashes up Tommys nose and he feels tears pricking at his eyes

“Just, Just do something! Please! please” 

Eret grabs a hold of both of tommys hands and holds him as close as the barrier of rubble will let him.

“Please. I can't lose you too.”

Erets voice is soft and calming. Tommy wants him to laugh and point at him and tell him how this is all just a big joke and they can all go home together and watch movies on Wilburs couch.

But he doesn't

“Hey it's okay, you're not gonna lose me alright. I will always, always be with you, no matter what.”

“Don't give me that bullshit. I don't want you in my heart or looking down on me, I want you to stay here, alive.”

“I want that too Tommy, more than anything. But life doesn't always go the way we want it to.”

Eret coughs and shivers in the water, he looks up and realizes that neither of them have a lot of time left before the water fills the room. They both know Tommy can't stay here any longer, and it's only a matter of time before the coldness of the water gives him hypothermia.

“You need to go.”

“No.”

“Tommy.”

“No I am not leaving you here!”

“You don't have a choice Tommy!”

“Yes I do! Now help me move these goddamn pipes”

“For fuck sake Tommy! I am stuck down here! Those pipes aren't going to move and I'm not leaving this fucking basement. You need to go, now!”

“I-”

“Tommy you are my brother and I will always love you but you need to get the fuck out of here right now.”

“Tommy, Eret!”

“Down here.”

Eret hears Wilbur jump down into the freezing water and he can faintly see him swimming towards him and Tommy.

“You guys okay?”

“Yes now get him out of here.”

“I said no!”

“What about you.”

“I'll be fine just go.”

Wilbur takes a moment, a moment of weakness, a moment of emotion and sadness and he looks at Eret, his friend. He feels the water clog his nostrils and nods, with his heart heavy and his mind full, he drags a tired and freezing Tommy away.

“Wilbur let me go!”

“We can't leave him!”

“we have to help him!”

“Wilbur!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on when everyone's safe and dry and the adrenaline and panic has left his system, Wilbur finds himself gazing up at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. Every time he looks at himself all he can see is the look in his friends eyes before he left him to drown, he remembers the hurt in his face and his willingness to die just to see Tommy safe. Every time he closes his eyes it's all he sees.

Wilbur stands up tall and strong in front of himself and plasters on the face of a warrior, a face that dream and George and sapnap will forever fear. He vows on this day that he will teach them what true fear feels like, no more kind words or friendly disputes.

He doesn't care about making allies or keeping peace.

His city is in danger

His mind is broken

His friends are traumatized

Eret is dead

And Wilbur wants vengeance.

If dream wants war, he’ll give him war.

[soaringlanddormitory]

TeruSae AU drabble cuz I'm the s word for mythology aus

This has been in the inbox ever since I first posted about the aus and I’m sorry it took a wile jkbkgjfg Hope you like it though!! I wrote it also while waiting for the thing gkjdfbg

There were some mentioned so

The god of music belongs to @polar-star-dorks aka Emile!!

The goddess of dedication is Hanako and Rin belongs to @polar-stars!!

“You’re going to be a successful hero one day, Kuga Terunori.”

Those words were never forgotten by the younger hero. He couldn’t identify which god or goddess said that once he had successfully finished his frist quest. Certainly, even if the voice was not identifiable, he did believe that those words were unforgettable- and he wished he could know which of them said that to him that same day.

He could guess that he was favored by them, but he hated how his memories of how that voice sounded like was distorted after just a few days after. They probably didn’t want him to know either. It was rare for a human to hear the voice of them- especially that they were nothing related to a god at all. Demigods had it easy and they were allowed to remember the voices of them, maybe even remember their faces.

One day, he swore to the holy beings up above. He’d end up knowing which of them told him those words. He didn’t want to do anything bad- he only wanted to thank them. For believing in them even if people said otherwise. That he could be a successful hero just like Eishi Tsukasa. That was his dream and people told him it was impossible… and yet a divine being told him otherwise.

“Hero!” A playful yet loud whisper was heard by him.

He jumped aside before preparing his sword to fight, and he instantly placed it down once he saw the person- well, more of god- that said that. “It’s just you.” He was one of the ONLY gods and goddesses who didn’t go with the “don’t remember my appearance or voice” rule, and he was pretty thankful… sometimes.

“Just me? Oh how rude of you. I’m the main communication between you mortals and the rest of the gods.” He rolled his eyes before coughing. “Ahem. Messenger god, after all.” He coughed once again. “And you’re just a hero who is also pretty much a little runt.”

“You’re such a bastard even if you’re a damn god!” Kuga hissed, a bit irritated by the god’s comment. He was one of the more laid-back ones who loved teasing humans or fellow gods- so this caused him not to be worried of his words at all. “What do you want? I was supposed to rest before meeting Mister Smiley Hero.”

The god laughed before giving a tiny grin. “I, Kaoru, is here to drop a message from a god or goddess.”

“As always. But will you ever tell me which one?”

“Can’t.” Kaoru replied. “They told me not to say. And I go by my word.”

Kuga sheathed his sword before sighing. If he knew, he’d give even more offerings to them as a thank you. But well, he could never figure out who it was. He’s got several blessings over time, but Kaoru did say that they may have requested other holy beings to give him such. “Fine then, Red Wings.”

“How many times should I tell you to treat me with respect!” Kaoru shook his head in disappointment before placing his arm in a sack of letters. “You’re lucky that I’m in a good mood after hearing our most blessed Emile play a song before I went out to send messages to you mere humans.”

“Yeah, right, whatever. You probably won’t hurt a hero.” Kuga posed before winking. “The best hero at that.”

A tiny chuckle came out of the god before he handed out a letter to him. “Believe what you want to believe. Even if you’re one of the most known heroes, it doesn’t mean you’re the absolute best.” He began floating in mid-air before he snapped his fingers. “The God of Music and God of Dedication are not the most famous, but I do believe they’re one of the bests.”

“Maybe that’s personal bias.”

“Same goes to you calling yourself the best hero, little runt.”

‘You shit!“ Kuga growled before twitching. Yeah. Now he knew about this so-called god before, his respect for him died. "I fucking hate you.”

“I know you don’t. You’re probably just annoyed!”

“You’re a bitch.”

The messenger only laughed before vanishing into nothingness with his last words being “Don’t forget to check the letter.”

The hero slowly opened the letter and he began reading it with his eyes

“Dear Kuga Terunori,

I hope you received this letter in peace. I do know how troublesome our Messenger God can be, but please forgive him. He only wants to have some attachments to special humans like you. You’ll be having a next trial soon and I hope the other gods and goddesses will be in your favor. All I can say is, good luck and I wish you the best, young hero.”

As always, there was no information given to him about who sent it. A cocky smile appeared on his face. Of course he’d finish the trial in peace, but the fact that he was directly noticed by a god may show how truly talented he is. “Thank you to you, whichever god you are. But trust me, I’ll be able to get pass this trial like all the rest.” He spoke out loud as if the holy being could hear him from up above despite all the possibilities of other people praying to them.

But funny enough, they did hear his voice. In fact, they heard him clearly.

A goddess was holding a crystal ball with her delicate fingers and a warm smile was appearing on her face. A random flower popped out of her hair and she began giggling to herself. “Cocky, yes. But he deserves to be. He never lost a trial yet.” She quickly tapped on the ball before the face of the hero disappeared. “But he should know that each trial gets harder each time…” She placed the ball down before she took a glimpse around her room. Flower were everywhere, and some plants were growing on the walls- even a couple of rabbits went out of their hiding place once she began to look at them.

The moment she exited the room, she heard a loud gasp from a being outside. “Goddess of Nature, you finally went out the room! I thought that the God of Death may have captured you!” The being had hearts shaped pupils, and he even had a necklace with a heart locket around his neck. He was created by the Goddess of Love to be her assistant, and it was obvious by how he looked.

“You’re exaggerating. I was only there for hours.” She took a step near the matchmaker before ruffling his hair. “If I were captured by the God of Death, I’d try and choke him with thorns.”

“That’s our goddess! Beautiful and brave.” He giggled before wrapping his arms around the superior being. “But I do believe you would have to avoid contact with that hideous being. I heard he can bring people to his side.”

“I know, Dai.” She allowed the male to cling to her but she tried to reassure him. “But you don’t need to fear, I’m not planning to meet him any time soon. I also think that he won’t suddenly appear out of nowhere.”

He quickly released her before sighing dreamily. “You really know how to calm a servant like me when I’m worried, dear goddess.” A quick smirk was now on his face. “But I wonder when you’d have a child. Whether they be a god or demigod, I’d spoil them endlessly!”

A blush came across the face of the woman before she shook her head. “I’m… not interested in anyone at the moment, Dai.”

“Wrong. I sense something burning in you. It’s definitely love. I was created to make couples get together but I can’t ever pinpoint on who it is… Since your love never burns up when you’re with the other gods, it just happens when you hold your-” Dai paused before pointing at her. “-crystal ball…”

“Hm? What’s with that reaction?”

“Oh my Goddess of Nature…” His eyes widened. “Are you in love with a human?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s totally a human! That stupid God of Sight told me something before! You only could watch your followers with that ball!” He zoomed in closer before holding both her shoulders. “Are you perhaps using such a heavenly item to watch a human, the love of your life?”

Bingo.

“Of course not!” She protested. “I wouldn’t use it for that. I have to see how my followers are doing. I choose to give them some blessings and request other gods to do so if I believe they deserved it. One out of many would be that human named Lyron Maes.”

“You’re in love with hero Lyron?”

“I told, I’m not in love with a human!”

“Then who do you love?!”

“No one!”

“Liar!” He shook her body. “You totally do! My senses never lie! Ask the Goddess of Love herself! Don’t make me bring in the God of Truth-”

“Fine.”

“Admitting it?��

“Maybe I do.” She finally gave up and this caused the male to light up. “But I wouldn’t tell you.”

A frown came on the face of Dai before he dropped the formalities. “Masae! You can’t just NOT tell me once I know you do love someone! that’s like… me failing my only reason of living! I have to know!”

The goddess sighed before fiddling with her hair with her fingers. Dai was right. His sole purpose was to know about love, and making people together. He wasn’t so used to being rejected unless the humans he had to deal with were to stubborn to tell him who they loved- and this caused the romance to never happen. She didn’t want another report of him failing to the Goddess of Love to happen again.

“If I do say it, you have to keep it to yourself… and the Goddess of Love and to your magical creature friend, Rin.”

“Absolutely! I’ll inform them ahead to not share it! Romances of gods and goddess are much more private than humans, after all.” He placed his hand on his chest. “I swear, Masae. I’ll not tell anyone but them.”

“It’s… that new hero.”

“Please be more specific… I know several heroes from the north, east, west and south…”

“The hero who saved the creatures I created…” She made her voice much softer before she finally admitted the truth. “Kuga Terunori.”

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 12 - "i'm baaaaaacckkkkk 😈" ~Jodi

An iconic moment happened today and I accidentally voted my closest ally out of the game. So Brayden got sent home and he is going to hate me when he finds out what happened. I did kind of get him out on accident I did not mean for Brayden to go I wanted Jay gone but I was blindsided by Colin and Josh and Elle AND AMY!!??]£[_[3 Omg. Im really upset that hes gone i miss him so much and I dont know how Im gonna go on without his brain. I dont trust Jay but Jared and Jay were both messaging me about how they already forgive me and stuff so thats a little crazy. I think it could be fake or they are just desperate for numbers. But I am with Josh and Amy and Colin and Elle now. I want to be with their numbers. I talked to all of them individually and they said they all were sorry for lying to me and causing me to get my friend out. I know its just a game but I just feel awful and so guilty right now. This has probably been the worst day of my life. He probably will never play another org with me again and hes the only reason i play orgs its boring without him. We are best friends increal life and I hope he can forgive me. I havent said anything to him because thats breaking the rules. But when he finds out im literally so scared of what he'll say to me. I pray he will forgive me I am literally so dumb af.

i'm baaaaaacckkkkk..................... 😈

This is literally worst case right now with jodi winning the play back like throughout the day she has won back her allies including anastasia since she swapped coins with her. Elle, colin, and josh all gave me all their coins to grab immunity before the other side to protect me but also it makes me a bigger target lol plus I gave elle some swapped to get the second thing the leftover because I THOUGHT it could give us an extra vote since that was ony menu but I was tired and drunk and it was a LOT of words and it was just the hunts which I knew didn't have any and I feel terrible bc 150 tokens and my actual alliance is going to be so mad when they realize THAT I HAVE THE LAST ONES and fucked up in suggesting it at all. First they were going for info. So now I think Jodi got all the other sides tokens and they are pooling for something idek. It's literally worst case like we were set to be up 5-2 or at least 4-3 and now it looks like it's 4-4 again hahaha neat. And it looks like colin is chatting with jodi again and they are making deals lol like tbh if she gets to the end I am voting for her to win I've said it many rounds. Turns out anastasia and brayden not only know each other irl they are besties so she mad mad. And Josh looks to be making deals and thinking about flipping so I am on borrowed time but tbh I never expected to make merge. I am glad I have immunity bc I physically couldn't do the challenge anywU here lol and I fucked that up too hahahaha. Good times all around. Like I want to tell them about my steal a vote to have official numbers but now they'd just be mad hahaha literally colin and I had every advantage except jared's idol now. Ahhhh idk what to do but it remains hilarious. I'm expecting Raffy to give my info in these in the market and that is no bueno ahahahaha. I am tempted to just give colin everything bc it's funny. Also jodi talked to me until 1am just trying to guilt me into being back with her I said I have to sleep goodnight like 5 times minimum. Her social game is so good that's why I think she has them all back with her and possibly josh. The problem is that I was keeping her close bc she had the info from others and from my game. I really never had a number one lol bc I was just vibing and I guess now colin is bc I flipped with him lol and I think it's hilarious he grew his army from 0 to 5 almost.

~

I have a suspicion colin and anastasia have actually been closely aligned this whole time and she knew everything all along. Colin sure loves giving out info haha. And apparently deals are happening all over, none of which I have made 😂

Jodi's backkkkk, wild wild wilddddd. The challenge went poorly, darn thats like 20 minutes wasted. We bought the refresh and there was nothing there 💔 that's 150 tokens wasted 😅. But! We got Amy immunity✨ and then Colin won the challenge so tbh everything's still going great lol. Wonder how we're gonna vote this round :/ we'll see how this goes! I've stopped worrying whether I'm going completely, it either happens or it doesn't 💖 xoxo, gossip girl (this is misleading I HAVE NOT SEEN THE SHOW i just know way too much about it because i have friends that did lol)

So after I voted my showmance Brayden out of the game I was left with an interesting situation. I had cried to Josh Colin and Amy that I was alone now and that my whole alliance hated me. With Jodi back in, I dont think they believe me. I literally flipped sides so I could be in their alliance because I didnt trust Jay and Jared and Jodi. But they literally lied to me about the vote and said it was nothing personal to me but they didnt tell me the plan because they wanted to see if I was lying. Which sucks for me because I then voted Brayden out :( Now that they know that im truthful they said they would work with me now. But all of them have been pretty inactive today. I talked to Amy the most and a little Colin and a little Josh. But I wasnt in their alliance. So I asked Amy if I could be added into an alliance chat since I was apperently in their alliance now. And she said sure. And they added me to a vote block. That is not an alliance group chat btw. So I was like wow thanks. But inside I was like screw this. So before this all happened, Jodi, Jay and Jared put me in a true alliance group chat. This morning I was ready to work with Colin and Josh but not anymore. Not after they put me in a vote block chat clearly saying to me that I am just a number to be used. They don't even need my vote either because Amy has an idol and Amy and Colin are safe. So I'm obviously voting with Jay, Jared, and Jodi. And I know they probably have a final three without me. They could call it something really cool like the three J's. But I called Jay and explained everything to him. (Also Jay forgave me for literally trying to get him out. He umderstands that its a game and all of my motives about not trusting him anymore.) He said he would be a hypocrite if he didnt forgive me because he told people my name in the chaos vote. So I actually think we are cool. And I told Jay that I am his number one. Which is true. He told me a lot of things about how Amy is actually really smart and stuff (I thought that girl was just a goat that I could take to the end with me) But her and colin are tight and both immune. This is bad. Basically we will go to rocks unless Elle flips to our side. Jay is giving his pitch to Elle tommarow. And maybe I will apologize to her correctly tomarow too. ALSO SPELLING THE WORD TOMARROW IS THE HARDEST THING IN MY LIFE. Also I took 62 minutes to complete a puzzle today so thats kind of emberassing. Anyways bye everyone this was so much fun to type omg.

Lol I woke up to a text from jodi asking if anyone was taking about votes yet and I said no because I went to sleep early bc I almost passed out from heat yesterday and had just woke up and she responded "ummmm lol...." 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry I sleep. She's in Colin's dms saying how I was legit her number one and now we can't even talk about votes. Like yeah girl we worked our asses off to get you out of the game sorry I'm not happy you are back. Also I'm still at disney world so I don't have the time for a million conversations. I know I'm going to be the Russell Hanz of the f3 /if/ I make it. So what's jury management lol like she was already pissed I voted her out and I plan to do it again. Anyway it looks like it's hilariously about to be a unanimous jay vote tonight but I am thinking we throw one vote somewhere else in case of an idol. But if jodi did get anastasia back we can't do that. Anyway lol I'm immune so whatever. Elle and Colin discussed like if it's on elle (which apparently jared proposed an alliance of 5 which included myself lol!) Then we could go to rocks and have only josh as a possibility and statistically he won't go if he is willing to go to rocks that it. All this to say I'm f7 and I want to keep my extra vote to f6 if possible so I can use the idol for fun at f5.

https://youtu.be/snpKevncc44

My quest has come to an end. I joined this game to be someone who could be there for Jodi. Jodi and I played survivor subrosa together and we both had rough experiences due to a player in the game who harassed jodi and tried to convince everyone I was misogynistic. As much as I love Survivor, I didn’t play this game to win. I played this game because Jodi told me she was playing it and I wanted to be her body guard. I wanted to be someone who could be there for her both as a number but also as an enforcer, anybody who ever dared to do anything to Jodi would’ve had to have dealt with me. Tonight, Amy and Colin have immunity, and either amy or josh or elle have an idol, so there’s no point in making any noise tonight and wasting Jared’s idol. None of those 4 trust me, and I doubt any of them like me. It is what it is, it’s best for Jodi, Jared, and Anastasia’s game to move forward without me, and it’s smart for Jared to keep his idol. Tonight, I will be voted out, and I am 100% at peace with it. 

Since Elle, Josh, Amy and Colin pooled their tokens for immunity and advantage refresh, it means all the advantages and disadvantages are on our side. Plan is to send Elle a disadvantage and let Colin know because honestly it’s not hard to find out anyways. Jay doesn’t mind getting booted at some point cuz he wants to stand for me on the jury, but I don’t want to boot him right now. Obviously they won’t boot Elle, so I’m going to see if Jared will propose Anastasia. The thing right now is me/Jay/Anastasia/Jared also know next round is invisible. So I want Jay or Anastasia to send Colin and Amy disadvantages because if they’re paranoid seeing me Jared/Jay/Anastasia have advantages and they have disadvantages, they might be paranoid enough to play all their idols. I also wanted to keep Jay for this round as it’d be unanimous and something everyone can settle on. Jared wanted to do me/Jared/Josh/Amy/Colin as an alliance but has concerns about the 3 of them being in top 5 in the majority snd also Colin having his ideal f3. I told him my plan has the best shot at flushing all idols and hopefully we can either get Josh to flip or at least have Amy/Colin vulnerable at 5/6. Last thing is Jared is worried he’d be blindsided this round. I told him my plan and I said even if he wanted to flush his idol this round, next round should be ok if we all vote out Jay and the rest of them flush idols. Good to be back in the game! I genuinely believe Colin wants me as a shield at least for this round, and if I can make it through, I have a game to play. 

Not everyone saying they only bought an advantage lol what about those other 70 tokens 👀👀👀 Like it must be jay unless someone is lying haha i am hoping people are just busy bc these answers I'm getting from Josh and Colin are concerning 😂 It looks like only elle and got disadvantages ☠️ I am really hoping not to be a target next round even though I know I will be haha. Next round is only 7 and I'd love to take out jodi and jared before they turn on me ☠️ especially since colin creeped on jodi's insta and it is possible they know each other from sports irl. And she was so concerned about all these pregame connections 😂 and here it was likely to deflect. Anyway I just swapped my position of having jodi do all the social work with having colin do all the social work knowing full well I'm not gonna get those end votes. I'm just trying to pull up my placement average now 😂. I hope everyone sees me as having no social game to take me to the end lol bc realistically I don't bc I don't care to put in that time this game. As I write from the pirates of the caribbean line 😂 So anyway if I'm not being lied to which I might be it looks like unanimous jay tonight but also I think the other group was talking split on jay like a 3-3-2 and I'm like wait the 2 wouldn't help. Elle are you okay with that? So I think they must have figured out I have stuff ☠️ I wonder what people REALLY bought haha okay bye

Jodi is back, not just Jodi Jodi, but player Jodi. Player Jodi thinks a LOT. When I was out, the entire time I was hoping somebody caught on that Amy flipped because they knew to put a stray vote on Colin to protect him from chaos idol, but they left Josh exposed. Why? Because Colin knew Amy was going to throw a vote on Josh. Also, Colin tied with me for closest ally and that set off an alarm too. Onto the next. So Colin won immunity, Amy bought immunity, but this could possibly be good because it means they are playing knowing they are not at risk themselves. Anastasia is voting with them this round, but she's actually working with us. She told us that the actual plan on that side is: "Jay, Jared, Jodi vote elle and Elle, Amy, Colin vote Jay and Josh and Anastasia vote Jodi" Anastasia will vote me here to continue "working" with them for the next vote. Essentially, they thought that Jay had the merge idol this whole time and Colin was weary about it, and that's why he got nervous about sending out Jay last round. That told me Colin did not have the merge idol. Josh came to me too about Jay having the merge idol. But the way they're splitting the votes this round shows me now that somebody has stepped forward to mention they have it (likely Elle) because if Jay idoled, Elle goes in this split vote plan. Therefore, somebody must've been like "ok let's just be safe and split the votes, I have the other idol". That's good and bad because now Colin has no merge idol paranoia, and they're also able to use it together. It also did confirm to me they've talked about it. Here's where things get tricky. Player Jodi is so tempted to run with it and do a 4-3-1 Josh-Jay-Jodi but it's so risky and could possibly destroy the long term social game, especially if they idol for Josh and Jay goes anyway (we are not idoling for him here). So instead, I'm going to use Jay's vote out to the best of my advantage. Hopefully flush an idol if possible, maybe a steal-a-vote, something. Knowing about next round being invisible is good info for us. Having this info is so key and usually I would think that immunity for a round is bigger than this but being able to plan ahead for a GAME-CHANGING twist is crucial here. My move here is to play the game through psychological distress. I have no advantages! Since they're out of tokens from buying immunity, me/Anastasia/Jared/Jay bought advantages for ourselves and also sent out disadvantages to Colin/Amy/Elle. Seeing that not only we have advantages but also them having disadvantages, they probably still feel like things will be ok because they'll just split votes or whatever and one of them needs to win immunity. But given this is an invisible round, I think Amy is honestly paranoid enough to just play her idol, hopefully Elle does too, and then between me and Jared, we'll idol for one of us. I also plan on bluffing an advantage coming back from Jury, and say something along the lines of having to survive one round before the advantage got activated. I'm going for the win, everyone, I know that if I get to the end with anybody, I have a solid shot at winning. I just need to get there and to do that, I must play an adaptable game – more than ever. PS I am holding onto Jared's idol right now. Power (temporary) feels amazing. Dw I'm giving it back....😈

this has been the most chill round in a while. which is really weird consider JODI IS BACK AND WE BLINDSIDED BRAYDEN LAST ROUND this round is turning out to be what I WANTED last round to be. everyone is talking with everyone, people are trying to disband the sides and all intermingle. it's really interesting how no one else was on board with this until after they lost majority. seems like people don't like playing from the bottom. weird huh now these bitches know how I felt >:( anyway. jodi is back. it's weird. she knows that amy flipped now and everyone is playing very carefully my ideal boot this round was either jay or josh, in that order. so when my gay ass WON IMMUNITY I immediately put out jay's name. we already have the numbers, but I also like said my piece to jodi and jared, this is yalls chance to prove to me that you're really with me and sides don't exist. the ball is in their court do i trust them? no. am I worried? no. i have immunity, the scariest thing rn is that I think Jay is voting Elle, and if Jared and Jodi are with him then that's scary, bc Jared has an idol. The ONLY people I would play my idol for is Amy and Elle, and Elle being in trouble means I might have to play my idol on her if Jay idols himself. We have enough to split, so I'm not worried, I just hope all goes according to plan. sorry my confessional is lame. its the weekend now so i have time uwu. I'll write more the next few days

So this whole token twist thing has really annoyed me. Because of me wanting to show my loyalty to my alliance, i gave away all my coins to Amy so that she could but immunity. And against my wishes, Elle wasted her coins on the “advantage” which turned out to be a dud. I wanted to get coins together to buy game info or better yet, trade coins with other people. But i was left with nothing, while all the people on the other side used their coins to buy advantages in the next immunity challenge making it even harder for me to secure my safety. Maybe this new 2 Gays and a Jared alliance might actually pan out but im tired of getting the short end of the stick with everything.

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Anastasia: She is in the middle of the two sides. They both need her for the rest of this game before a side is terminated. She is the most powerful because she is in the middle.

Jodi: Has regained a lot of her footing in this game. Is being used as a shield by the people who voted her out. The decision to vote out Jay is questionable, but she still has a lot of power thanks to the knowledge Anastasia and Jared feed her.

Colin: The head of the opposing side. Seems to not know what is really going on with Anastasia. But his allies are willing to take him to the end which is good. Needs to avoid falling into a Jodi pitfall.

Amy: Her rat behavior has been exposed, but her allies are still willing to defend her. Second in command on the Colin side. She is being handed these immunities.

Jared: Jodi’s new #1. Will probably make it to the end of this game. However, he isn’t calling the shots and is in danger of being targeted as an “easy” vote or being called a goat at the end. Needs to start taking fate in his own hands.

Elle: Lost a lot of footing because of not telling Anastasia the truth. This move caused Anastasia to go back to Jodi’s side which will hurt in the coming round. Is the next target for the Jodi side.

Jay: Died on the sword for Jodi. I am confused why they didn’t just stack 4 votes somewhere else, but it is whatever. Has basically given up.

Josh: Left out of a lot of discussions. Is on the outside of his alliances and from the opposing side. Is the most in danger of getting targeted or being a casualty of an idol.

[serenagaywaterford]

6) a flip of the dime. The nasty parts were always there, but he concealed/controlled them. Maybe bc said parts wouldn't exactly make him endearing to others? Anyhow, your interpretation makes him quite the interesting antagonist/villain, so I'm rolling with it, lol. /// There was another thing that was bugging me about S2: the baby's name. Obviously, Serena chose Nic(h)ole as a "fuck you" to Fred. But June in the finale? Of course, she stuck to it for Nick's sake, but also bc she recognized

7) Serena’s selfless (well, if you can call it that) act. Thoughts on this? /// As for your older responses, I forgot to describe what an epiphany it was for me to realize the significance of Serena’s use of the word “rape” for the first time. The anger I felt after 2x10 blinded me to the VERY OBVIOUS connection between her realization in 2x10 and her outburst in 2x11. (Silly me!) Imagine how much more intense that fight would have been if they included the marital rape. I remember a writer

8) that June didn’t kill Serena, bc she actually felt sorry for her in that episode. (Ngl, June’s kindness baffles me at times.) I knew that she wasn’t gonna do it of course, but it was 50/50 whether I wanted her to shoot them or not. /// Something I have not addressed so far is how lukewarm I found their explanation for June getting away with all the shit she does. Well, she’s no Janine (who loses an eye) or Emily (who gets mutilated), but still. Like you said, Serena and Fred might get away

9) get away with a lot more bc of their privilege, but June? Hm. // I’ll start quoting later (or maaaybe tomorrow).

———–

I always thought that was a really weird sort of thing for June to do. And it seems to be entirely because of Serena? Like, it was Holly, Holly, Holly. Even when she was talking to Nick. Then she has the exchange with Serena, and suddenly she adopts Serena’s supreme dickmove of a babyname? 

And I LIKED Holly. It meant something. Nichole (I HATE THAT SPELLING SFM LMAO) means nothing to June? Can you imagine the convo: 

“Mommy, why am I called Nichole?”

“Well, baby, you see, your Daddy’s name is Nick, so the lady that stole you decided to name you after him to eternally piss off her husband who she clearly hates and wanted him to be reminded that he’s impotent every time he looks at you.”

Like, on the one hand, Serena is fucking brilliant and it just shows the extent of her hatred for Fred. But then it’s kinda shitty to use a child as a pawn in that.

Then again, maybe there’s another reason Serena chose that name? I know there’s like a whole history about St. Nicholas and his role as a patron saint of childless couples, or something. (I can’t recall exactly rn). And there was something about St. Nicolette and babies. (Which is where the names Nicole and Collette come from.) Something like she raised a dead baby back to life. So, I guess, at a stretch perhaps that was her inspiration? I doubt it, knowing Serena. LOL.

It’s really curious June’s decision though. Despite EVERYTHING Serena’s done, June just wipes it clean and names her fucking baby after Serena’s choice? Maybe she was trying to retain the memory of Nick for Nichole? I dunno. And not only that, but she seemed 100% genuine when she said that farewell blessing and held Serena’s hand (again). 

I dunno, June’s own preoccupation with Serena is something I don’t truly understand but she clearly thinks there’s some odd connection or something. It’s funny cos I was reading a review about S2 and June’s choices in the finale, and her constant support of Serena despite ALL the reasons not to, and lemme see if I can find it… 

 Nah. I can’t. Anyway, it was something about how we all know June’s going back for Hannah, but this writer thought June was also going back for Serena.

I’m not convinced about that tbh, but I can see the argument cos June is strangely protective and compassionate towards Serena considering. I just have a sinking feeling that the show is gonna play that “Oops, Serena is evil again!! SHE WAY MAD JUNE GIVE BABBY AWAY trolololol!!!!” and make her despicable in order to get Nicole back. If that is the case, I’m gonna roll my eyes right outta my head. I have no issue with Serena having regrets, tbh. I think that’s pretty understandable and expected. But having Serena go hogwild with abuse and using Fred’s power to get back at June or something is just going to fucking piss me off cos like, c’mon my dudes, been there, done that. Over and over already. It’s the 3rd season and either you’re gonna put this bitch on a mild redemption arc or you’re gonna make her a full-on villain. Make up your minds. The will-she, won’t-she thing is old by now.

I dunno that was a random OT rant.

Also, TRUTH! Serena’s use of the word “rape” was important. Like, part of me is like DUH how did you JUST figure that out?! And, honestly I feel like the marital rape is sort of necessary for Serena’s epiphany to get recognised. I think, Serena is just wilfully ignorant enough to not truly consider the Ceremony rape. I honestly do not think she totally understood what she was suggesting with the 2x10 rape. (Serena really does lack forethought for like…all of her actions. That’s sorta her whole problem.) I think she thought it would be just like a sort of unsanctioned ceremony. But by the end she did seem to recognise what it truly was. And having her raped by Fred in the previous episode would have really helped with that. (Then again, it’s really hard to understand how a woman who was just raped turns around and basically suggests it. And this person is supposed to be not Satan. A pure evil woman sure. But Serena’s not meant to be that.)

I think Yvonne’s delivery of the line was interesting too. Part of it was like, “HOly shit it was rape” and part of it was like, “ha! you’re a monster!! you did that!” Like she had no culpability in it. I want to know if Serena has realised that ALL ceremonies are RAPE yet. I wonder if she’s got there. I’m not totally convinced she has. But… I dunno.

Oh! I hadn’t read that about June’s reasoning! That’s interesting. I mean, it fits with June overall but it’s a very odd thing. Like, to be holding a gun trained on the couple that literally held you down and raped you not 24 hours earlier… and feel SORRY for the woman (whereas the general population’s consensus is that Serena is even worse than Fred for doing that to another woman)? I went and watched it after reading your message I didn’t really see that on June’s face. (But that’s really neither here nor there since editing, directing, etc. all differs from what the writers/showrunners had in mind and those are the guys doing the interviews!)  I take that back! I watched it again and I can deffo see that if that’s what they were going for. Totally missed it and likely wouldn’t have picked up on it if not for this convo.

That said, I totally see June reasoning it out that way. For some strange reason, whether it’s Stockholm Syndrome or whatever, June seems to have a blindspot/softspot for Serena and she seems to have unlimited Get Out Of Jail Free cards for her. Like, c’mon, she literally held her down to be brutally raped, and at this point it seems like Serena could murder June and June’s ghost would just be like, “Hey youuuuu, wanna be my bestie in overthrowing the patriarchy?” (Okay, I’m not at all complaining cos I love their dynamic and I ship them soooooo… lol. On a personal level, it works very well for me and my crackshippy fantasies. I choose to believe June honestly sees something nobody else does and believes in Serena’s capacity for redemption–WHICH IS INSANE. But hey. I love it.)

So, for June to feel sorry for Serena, even after everything really does fit when you think about it. And also when you think about book!June’s attitude towards true power being in forgiveness.

I remember sitting around watching the ep the first time and thinking “I don’t want June to shoot them and be a killer” but also, “WHY ISN’T SHE SHOOTING THE FUCKING PLACE UP! DOES SHE NOT WANT TO ESCAPE????” And I was sitting there with the wifey and she was like, “She can’t. What if she misses? Then you’ve got 2 incredibly angry people chasing you.” And I was like… “Uh. Reload? Shoot them as they’re coming up the stairs.”

Because I have never fired a gun in my life so to me it seems really easy lmao. But to me, I didn’t even care about her shooting Serena but I did have an inkling she didn’t want to shoot Serena with the amount she paused. That would have been a perfect shot with teh type of ammo to take out –or at least injure– two people at once. I was like, “You gotta kill Fred and Serena is pretty useless then. It’s not like they have mobile phones! You can then choose to leave Serena to die there lol, or hostage her. And steal the car. You could get pretty far since nobody knows that Fred/Serena are even there.” To me, rationally, it didnt’ make sense not to shoot them. But… emotionally, obvs, I knew she wouldn’t cos a)the series would like… end rather abruptly lol, and b) that’s just not June.

AND yeah, June getting away with all her bullshit is insane in comparison. Janine literally lost an eye for backtalking once at the Red Centre! June has, well, done so much more and just kind skates away from ALL serious punishment. (Well, living with Fred and Serena is a pretty awful punishment in general.) And, sure part of it was cos she was preggers but … how Aunt Lydia/Fred/Serena/TPTB trust this crazy Handmaid not to KEEP breaking the rules is insane. I feel like nobody would trust her to just be a docile little thing after running away for 92 days. Not even Pervy Freddo. Despite all his creeptastic fetishes, he’d be like, “OMG she is way too high maintenance. i just don’t have the patience. give me that baby so i can shut my annoying wife up and then get me another more docile babyslave to play Scrabble and shave!” The plot armour is strong in this one!

Anyway! I got a bit carried away there…

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Ro

Surprisingly productive argument/turned actual conversation, about Drew, Ro’s self-loathing, sister issues and their parents/going to London soul-searching.

Bea: Back with him then? I thought you'd learned your lesson (finally) last time...Well? Ro joined the chat 3 hours ago Ro: Yes, it was rather unexpected, and sudden I suppose, hence I didn't get a chance to let you know individually Ro: Well, actually I have learned a lot. As has Drew. Bea: That's always good, rushing into commitments, being at his beck and call... Bea: And obviously he has, how else would he deceive you, again. Got to have new tricks. For goodness sake! Bea: What does he actually do with his time, Ro? What do you think? He isn't in Schooling, fine, but where's his REAL job? Bea: What are you getting out of this? Except heart-ache and being made to look a fool at the end of it, every month or so Bea: I thought you were in a good place? Ro: That isn't at all what I meant. There was a lot going on with my birthday celebrations and everything as you yourself know. Ro: Oh Bea that's just uncalled for! He's changed and with is finally being more truthful with me. Ro: I thought you, out of everyone, would understand standing on your own two feet and making a living for yourself your own way. He didn't enjoy school but he's using the skills he has to support himself Ro: What is so wrong with that? Ro: I am in a good place now. With him. He loves me. What more could there be to get 'out of it' Bea: Wait, he didn't try all this AFTER you read the letter, did he? Bea: It's always an emotional time for you, regardless if it was before or after anyway; it's wrong for him to exploit that for his own gain Bea: No, he hasn't! If he had, he'd leave you alone, or at least let you come back to him. He hasn't changed at all. Bea: So tell me what he does, if it's so admirable, tell me right now what you think he does, what has him out all the odd hours Bea: I, out of everyone, know where dealing in the things he does, can get you. You don't remember what it was like for Tess and Fearghal back then, you were too young, but they've told enough war stories for you to know better! I know you do, so why are you choosing to ignore what you know to be true for his sake? Bea: He isn't worth it. For God's sake, being associated with him could risk your career before its even began. Is that what you want? Think on! Bea: Oh, Ro. There is so much more than those words, even when they're not empty. Ro: Why must you take something so nice and twist it into something HORRIBLE! I hadn't even opened your gift when Drew and I reconciled. Mum and dad have nothing to do with this and he would never do anything to involve them after everything he has been through with his own family. Ro: You don't know anything about him. Or us. You barely know me. Ro: He does all kinds of things, odd jobs, fetching and carrying for people that sort of thing. I didn't need all the ins and outs because I trust him and honestly it hardly matters if you don't. Ro: I've also been told enough stories to understand that people deserve second chances, as have you. He isn't as lucky as I was. He remembers every struggle before Caleb's family took him in and he does what he has to do to make sure he and Meena will have a future whatever happens next. I can't blame him for that and you shouldn't. Self reliance is the opposite of a risk and I'm proud and lucky to know him, thank you very much. Ro: You clearly have no idea what he's worth so you'll excuse me if I don't bow to your 'wisdom' on the subject. Ro: Besides, it's my career. Not yours. You've made your own choices why can't you let me make mine? Ro: How can you say that Bea! You live by them. Fraze is everything to you and you've never listened to a word against him, have you? Bea: You're just seeing it as it actually was, and not through rose-tinted fairyland glasses. Bea: I know enough. More than you, as you continue to choose ignorance over swallowing the bitter pill and moving the fuck on. Bea: And there is no 'us' as in 'you and him'. There never will be because that is not what he wants from you. Bea: You are ridiculous. This is not 1950s America in a cheesy movie...He isn't a fucking boy scout doing bob-a-job. Listen to how stupid you sound, for what? He doesn't defend you, or do anything that inconveniences him, in fact, for you. Its one-sided and unfair and you deserve better, I know you think otherwise, and that you won't get better but its true, and possible. Bea: Boo fucking hoo. He doesn't get to use his sad backstory to be a criminal. All that will happen is that he'll end up in jail, leaving his wittle sister alone. And Meena will be just fine without him, because she's got a fucking brain in her head. God, I wish I could say the same for you. Bea: I don't care to know any more about him that is plainly evident for all to see. You're not going to get a doctorate for giving a shit about him. He isn't special. He's not intriguing. He's a waste of your time and energies. Bea: Don't even bother going to Cambridge if you're going to throw it all away on him. Save the country the debt, get yourself knocked up now and waste away waiting for him to love you back. Bea: Because we have common interests, goals, and you know, we make each other's lives better by being in them? And we've always both been willing to put our money where our mouth is, in terms of love and working together to get what we want and need. So please, don't ever try and compare this teenage infatuation of yours to my relationship with Fraze again, it is just laughable in the saddest way. Ro: Stop. You don't know half as much as you think you do and frankly what information you're working with isn't correct anymore if it ever has been. You're the one being ridiculous, not me. Ro: Not to mention judgmental! You don't get to tell him how to act or what his future may or may not be because you aren't a monopoly on tragedy. Ro: I wish you'd stop pretending to have any stake in my own future either. It isn't so and I'm not going to do as you say just because you say it. Not that it's any of your business but getting pregnant is the last thing I intend to do but if I did it has nothing to do with you and there is no reason I'd have to choose regardless. You didn't and Ali isn't. Ro: I've already told you he does love me and he does make my life better but since you clearly need to hear it, we also have plenty of things in common. Bea: No, I won't. Because someone needs to tell you, and it will go in. And one day, you will see sense. Bea: Yeah my judgment is the least of his worries, try the judgment of the fucking law because did you forget, its illegal? Bea: He's a moron, everyone in Dublin knows he's dealing, he'll be lucky if the police find him before rivals do and break his fucking kneecaps. Bea: I do, I'm your sister, you don't have to like it for it to be reality, you can't write me out of your fucking fairytale, Ro. And if you want anything to do with your niece or nephew, I'd reconsider the path you're going down because fat chance I'm letting them near that scum, or near you when you're behaving so irrationally. Bea: All you have in common is co-dependency on toxicity and fucking up your lives and your poor attempt at trauma-bonding. What fun! Ro: We're sisters when it suits you, Bea. I'd be surprised you have time for this conversation except I'm well versed in the fact that you live to berate me. I thought things were getting better between us but apparently I'm wrong about that above all. Since we've come to what is really, and consistently, the heart of the issue once again, I won't try and change your mind or apologise, once more, for not being good enough for you. I'd hate to sound even more like an irrational teenager when you read back this conversation to bask in your superiority. Ro: What's fun are these constant fights and reminders of what a failure you believe I am. Ro: If you don't want me around Nancy and Buster then fine, they are your children. I don't feel the need to tell you what to do or you're doing wrong. Bea: So you want me to leave you alone? But are also so sad about the fact I'm never there for you? Sounds like someone's confused! Unsurprising when you believe lies and won't see or hear anything real. Bea: And I haven't berated you, I've berated him; you are not one. Which is the real heart of the issue, you taking responsibility for and internalising all his bullshit. Bea: And I have bad news for you on that front, except you sound like what you are, a child. Bea: I've never been ashamed of you. Until now. Bea: You won't be in and out of their life when it suits you, just an Auntie when he leaves you, AGAIN. So, you've made your choice. I sincerely hope you can live with it. Goodbye, and good luck, Ro. Ro: I must take after you what with you contradicting yourself so heavily. If Drew and I aren't one, as you're so keen to stress then why are you so quick to try and tell me that I'm not separate from his choices or mistakes. Ro: Sadly you're too late as well because I'm not a child anymore. However my relationship continues or ends I'm living my own life. I didn't expect to have to do so without you but I fine. Ro: As for the kids, I wouldn't do that when I know how much it hurts. Ro: For the record though, this is the choice you made. It's been forced upon me but I guess I will have to live with it all the same. Bea: No, Ro. You chose to make the wrong decision. Bea: You love getting a chance to be the victim. Well, be his victim. But you're not mine, you did this to yourself, I gave you the choice. Ro: There shouldn't have even been a decision to be made but you need me to be wrong so badly don't you? In every way you can. Forgive me for being sick of it. Ro: No Bea, you love me to be a victim so you can heap your scorn on me. It's not the same thing. Just like a choice isn't the same as a ultimatum which is what you've thrown at me. Bea: No, I need you to fucking love yourself! Maybe you're sick of feeling wrong, feeling like you're never enough. That is coming from you and you alone, so don't you dare try to push your self-loathing onto me and say that's how I feel about you, because it isn't, never has been, and it never will be. I love you. Bea: I pity you, it hurts you like scorn because you've still got an ounce of pride left in you somewhere. I'm just asking you, begging you, to hold onto it and make use of it. Ro: Then just love me! Let me be happy without trying to ruin it and be cruel all the time. That hurts me and it does, and is, coming from you. I can't keep having the same fight with you. It's more exhausting than anything Drew's done. Pity me for saying so if you want. I can't control that either. Bea: If I have to be cruel to be kind, then that's the role I have to play. I hardly enjoy it, it hurts me too, Ro! But I'm not going to lie to you, to pretend something is okay when it isn't, just because that's what feels best to you at the time. Because its not going to feel good when you look back, for me or for you. I'm not prepared to wrap you in cotton wool. You're an adult now? Then I'm treating you like it, no coddling. Ro: But you don't have to! You don't have to like him but why can't you accept that I do? I love him. Why can't that just be okay? Nobody else is lying or pretending, I mean look at Tess, but she's not being like this. Like you. Ro: You're my sister but you don't have to be anything to him, I'm not asking for that. We aren't married, Bea. Bea: Because I AM your sister! They're all family, but they're not; there are boundaries. And Tess is a parental figure, parents let you make your own mistakes. But I am your sister and I happen to think you've made the same mistake enough times now. There's nothing more to learn from this, from him. Nothing of worth for you and your personal growth. Bea: But I know you're not going to stop, so, there we go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, it will help one day. Ro: But maybe it isn't a mistake this time. Or maybe I am just tired of always having to think in terms of what I can learn or take and want to just have what he can give me... Ro: why can't this be worth a try? Bea: Because you're worth more than just taking what you can get from someone who isn't giving enough, nevermind their all. Ro: You're just saying that because you don't like him. Bea: No, Ro, I am not. And you know that. Ro: I know I'm not you. Or Ali. And I know what people say about me. Why they bully me. I'm not stupid. Bea: You're socially awkward, that's all. People with competent enough social skills themselves can easily get past that. And you're clever, all that just combines to make people feel insecure so they project that onto you, make you feel the same. Bea: Its not as if I had any real friends at School either. There's a whole world out there, Ro. Filled with people who will like and love you, will get you. Bea: And you have Ali, and Meena, don't you? Ro: No you're clever, I just work hard. Try harder. Ro: You don't get it, he's not the one who's wrong, I am. Ro: He loves me, why can't I have that? Ro: And yes, of course, but it's not the same Bea: But what's not admirable about that? Being 'clever' innately (which in School just means having a decent store and recall memory to pass tests) isn't anything to shout about particularly, but putting in the work is. Bea: What's wrong with you? Different is not wrong. They're all the same, it makes it feel wrong to be different, but do you want to be like all the other girls in your School, really? Bea: You're better. Bea: Don't make me say it, Ro... Ro: In theory yes but in practice it's simply exhausting and frustrating and anything other than admirable. Or likable. Ro: I just don't want to be this. It isn't about comparison Ro: He makes me happy that's all. Bea: It feels like it when you're there, but School isn't a popularity contest. Its to get you to where the fuck you actually WANT to be, that's all. You don't want the only place you ever wanna be to be the School playground 'cos you've peaked, 'cos you're leaving in a year's time and there is no going back. Bea: You're going to have a life that is more than just nostalgia Bea: That's all this is, that's all I'm trying to prevent here, don't fall into the trap, okay? Ro: I know that. Ro: But this isn't just nostalgia though, I know that as well. Bea: Okay, but one day it will be, and I want you to be able to look back at this time with more than just regret Ro: And I want a chance to be in the moment, for once, instead of constantly looking back or worrying about the future Bea: Then go for it, like I said. But 'living in the moment' doesn't magically absolve you of making choices that will affect your present, your future, and how you look back on it as the past one day. You can not think too much about it when you're in it, sure. But you will have to live it and re-live it. That's just life, baby sister. I know it better than most. Ro: Okay, so what you have me do, leave him because of how he might behave and how he has in the past, in spite of his apologies for it? That isn't right. Bea: The past has a habit of not staying in the past...It creeps up on you, and on him, no doubt, old habits dying hard. If you can live with how he treated you, how everyone knows he treated you, the cheating and lying and just cruelty, he threw your way- then, well, I can't stop you. I wasn't trying to, I was only ever telling you how it is, how I see things. Bea: Is sorry enough? Because you know, it can't fix everything, don't you? Ro: I have to believe it can Bea: Then...I wish you luck. Ro: Is that all? You don't hate me again, do you? Bea: I never hated you, Ro, and I don't Ro: I hope so. I'd like to come and see you. I've been thinking about the woman that wrote you the letter a lot and was wondering if I should send her one back or something. Bea: You could- Or we could go visit her, she did offer Bea: I have been pondering what to do too Ro: Oh, that's an even better idea, if a scarier one.... Bea: Yeah Bea: We'll be okay. I'm certain she's legitimate, as in she was a true friend, not just someone who went to the same School and had a vague recollection and some old photos. I did a lot of digging before I reached out and she'd done Facebook posts on mum's Birthday, and the anniversary of the crash, year upon year, and she had more photos on their too. Bea: She could probably give us a real sense of who they were, and the area, she's still there...Its not somewhere in London I'd been previously and I haven't gone without you Ro: I don't doubt that or you, it's just...what if I'm not how she expects. Ro: The whole thing could be a huge disappointment Bea: It's not an audition. We're their daughters and that isn't up for debate, nor judgment. Who would she be to do that? Not that she sounds like that but you know, fuck anyone who would, they don't know us, what we've been through. Bea: It could be, yeah, but we've not got anything to lose, have we? Ro: You're right. Okay let's do it. When? Bea: Well, its a pretty good season to do it in, I think. Goodwill, being with new friends, reminiscing on old, reaching out to your fellow man and all that. We can get her something, to say thank you... Your last day is the 21st, right? So, if we do Sat 22nd, you can come back to Cambs with me for the Sunday and we'll all go back to Dublin together on the Monday, for Christmas Eve. Bea: Is that too soon for you? Its a few weeks but if you need longer, we can do it AFTER Christmas. I just think the festive season is as good an excuse as any, it'll make us all for more comfortable, I feel. Ro: No no I agree. That's a perfect time. Bea: I'll talk to Tess but I know she'll be fine. Bea: I'm really looking forward to this Ro: Anything to distract her from it being Caleb's family's turn to have Ali and the kids for Christmas, bless her. Ro: Me too. Thanks again, Bea. I know I've said it a hundred times already but Bea: Oh dear, I better catch up with her so she can rant, save your ears from it for the hundredth time, especially Ferghal's! Bea: Its okay, hopefully we'll get even more from this visit, fill in the blanks once and for all Ro: I really hope so, yes. Bea: I better get on, lots to do. We'll talk soon. x Ro: Okay. Kiss the twins for me 💕 Bea: Will do 💞

[mightybigpill]

YOU’RE NEGAN NOW.

WHO: Rick & Negan. @scatterbraincd

WHAT:  Rick comes to attempt to talk to Negan. 

WHEN: After the faux battle with the trash people, alexandria, and the sanctuary. 

NOTES: I FORGOT TO POST THIS FORGIVE ME. Contains slight TWD spoilers because while this verse does NOT follow canon, similar things had lead up resulting in said circumstances. There wasn’t much feedback in terms of what the overall hope for the group is, so A NEW REIGN IS UPON US! Try not to die.

VERSE: Here! Join it!

RICK:

Of course he hadn't planned on them doing anything of the norm after how the battle went -- but the least that could have happened was for him to SHOW UP for a second so they could talk. It wasn't the same when their people were ready to kill each other. Having a few moments alone without the threat of an attack happening within twenty feet of them made things more civil and calm. The conversation could have gone so much better than when they'd last spoken.

    Knowing his way there, and a way in creates strictly for his own use, Rick had given the excuse that he was going to go search for NEW guns and a new potential friend in all of the chaos, and left to find the other on his own. Thanks to a car - one that was dead not far from Sanctuary - he only had to walk the first and last leg of the path. Sneaking in, he'd almost expected to be stopped, but it was possible it’d been forgotten about in the anger created by the possible attack.

    “You need t’ talk t’ me,” Rick started the conversation with no greetings or small talk. It would have been blocked out anyway, Grimes was sure. “Ya know we can't leave things as we did last time I saw ya.”

NEGAN:

Oh he was gonna LOSE it. No amount of fucking his frustration away was working and typically when the world got to be a really shitty place, having a place to bury his dick often made it better. But even now? HE WASN’T in the mood. A hot shower, followed by sending his wives away and DRINKING had followed. His head was a goddamn mess but boy were the games about to begin.

Rick’s APPEARANCE had startled him, he’d been on his couch, lost in his thoughts and a glass of whiskey, a book open on his lap. So when it finally registers, Negan does a DOUBLETAKE. “I don’t need to do shit.” Negan admits as he throws  the remainder of his cup back, the familiar burn consuming his throat. It’s still not enough.

“You got a lot of fuckin’ balls showin’ your goddamn face around here after that SUPREME shitshow.” And it’s true. Negan doesn’t INSTANTLY slip back into the pissed off aggression, but he’s ANNOYED at the other’s arrival.

“And why’s that, Rick? Why do you think you deserve ANOTHER goddamn minute of my time? I think I’ve already WASTED way too motherfucking much.”

RICK:

By the time Negan acknowledged him, Rick had ALMOST talked himself into turning around and leaving before he had a chance to make things any worse than they already were. His eyes followed the liquid in the glass as it moved with the gesture; emptying out into lips he couldn't even BEGIN to think about if he was going to get anywhere with their newest discussion. “Because you KNOW me…” Even Rick had to admit that was a poor example for an excuse, but it made sense in his own head before actually hearing it out loud.

    “I woulda told you about the plan,” he swallowed thickly, kept his voice low to make sure he held at least a little of his discretion and secrecy. They didn't need others knowing he was there -- it wouldn't have worked in his favor, that much was obvious. “Ya know everything else about what we do--” fuck. Where had he been going with that? “I've given ya whatever was asked of us? More than! I wasn't plannin’ on hurting YOU -- I SAVED you.” Okay. Not the time for boasting that Negan would have been shot without him making the first move.

    And now they had one less enemy to worry about! “They woulda turned on you too, if someone else promised ‘em somethin’ else. Next time you saw ‘em, they could be the ones thinkin’ of ways t’ put you an’ your people down… We can HELP each other.” He sighed. How the hell could he make it any better? “They're all… Saviors. They just don't know it yet -- I'm workin’ on findin’ ways t’ show the difference…” and now he looked like he couldn't lead for shit. “I stepped down when that fight was called off. They won't listen t’ me now if I tried. You could-” shit it was another moment of wanting to kick himself for HAND DELIVERING the advantage to someone else. “Step in. Tell ‘em t’ look at their options. They gotta pick YOU over the show I just put on in front a’everyone.”

NEGAN:

“Did you SAVE me?” Negan questioned, brows HEAVY with CONFUSION, “Or did you KILL the fuckers that betrayed you?” Was it going to get ugly? Yeah, pretty much, but that was used to his advantage, ESPECIALLY when he was fucking PISSED at Rick for betraying him, and fuck if he wasn’t going to make him WORK to make it up to him. “It’s NOT fucking good enough, Rick!” Negan BOOMED abruptly, discretion be damned. His heels connected firmly to the ground before he was standing tall.

Rick was scrambling. Grasping at straws and trying so fucking hard to regain his footing and Negan’s trust. “Rick, what the fucking SHIT do you not understand? I have been TRYING to help you people.” Words were consistently stoney, unimpressed and completely aggravated once more. He went to step away from the couch, but his palm hooked onto the end of Lucille, bringing her ALONG as he closed the distance between himself and Rick.

“See, that is EXACTLY what I had been fucking thinking, but it’s taking a LITTLE too long with the bullshit you and your goddamn people keep throwin’ at me LEFT and RIGHT.” Personal bubble be damned, Negan was already in Rick’s face, Lucille bouncing between his fist and his finger tips.

“And lemme guess, just like that, they’ll all suddenly see the light.” It was one thing working with converting them one on one. Shit, Eugene hardly needed the explanation before he was proclaiming his loyalties and New World Identity. “I gotta fuckin��� ask… Who ARE you?” At some point his unoccupied hand had risen to Rick’s jaw, locking down under his chin, fingertips painfully digging into unshaven flesh.

RICK:

Truth be told, he wanted to answer that it's been BOTH of those things, but he kept his response to himself as Negan moved. Trying to make him see Rick’s logic on the topic wouldn't have gotten him and further along in the ‘making it up to him’ battle he'd found himself in. It was best to leave things as minimal as possible unless asked otherwise. Eyes closed just long enough to look to the floor, then back up in a more disappointed fashion. It wasn't going nearly as well as his imagination had played out for him before going to meet with him.

    “I know that, and they'll see that yer right at some point--” once they'd all realized just how much harder it was going to be if they stayed where they were. Alexandria may have looked nice (after getting the bodies burned, anyway,) but it was a sinking ship waiting to go down under the surface completely. The lack of supplies, the way the saviors took whatever they wanted, when they wanted. There truly was nothing for them there save for a small patch of land they'd been using for farming. That wouldn't last long while they gave up everything that came from it either.

    Damn that bat. Too close to his face, too many bloody memories tied to it. How was he supposed to focus when the weapon that'd killed members of his family (that would have taken his daughter from him if he hadn't given up the fight) was waving ever so subtly in his peripheral vision? “They'll get there,” Rick promised him again. The hold on his jaw was nothing new, but the question that followed made him falter. On one hand, saying he was Negan would have probably helped his case. On the other, the fact he had to CONSIDER the different options hadn't done him any fucking favors.

    Grimes swallowed, hands at his sides but fingers slowly twitching for something to do -- to touch or push that weapon away from himself, to rub his face or even pretend he'd needed to cover a cough -- anything to break up the tension in that moment. He couldn't say anything, which he figured was probably as bad (if not worse) than giving his own name. “I'm…” he slowly shook his head, staring at the other. “Leavin’ that up t’ you. Now, I can be NEGAN, and I can keep doin’ what I've been doin’... or I can be RICK, in which case I gotta get back t’ my people and plan how t’ kill you.”

NEGAN:

“I’m SICK’a FUCKING waiting Rick. I have been so goddamn patient and I really think that deserves a little fucking THANK YOU.” If Negan hadn’t grown FOND of the other, it was likely Rick would have been dead ten times over by now, purely on the lack of heads up alone. There’s a low GROWL of frustration as Negan SHOVES away from Rick, the rough grasp on his face thrown as he pushes  back.

Was that really how this was going to be?

Rick was leaving the choice in his hands, was he? There’s actually a twisted INTEREST that forms a second later, taking hold of his attention as he turns back around, eyes narrowing before there’s any other sign showcased upon his expression.

Rick’s way? It wasn’t working.

And Negan was sick of waiting. Closing the distance between them as quick as he’d made it, he stops inches from Rick’s face, eyes locked onto the other’s giving no room for argument. “You’re NEGAN now.” He was done looking like the one who didn’t have the upperhand. “You fuckin’ GET that?”

RICK:

Fuck saying THANK YOU if Negan wasn't going to give him a little understanding with everything that had gone on. If he didn't know that the people of Alexandria were going to look to him for an ATTACK at some point, that was his own damn fault for underestimating their ability to fight back. Of course, Rick could have done SOMETHING more to prolong it, could have worked harder to get them to see it was best to switch sides and follow through on the real deal going between the two leaders -- but his people wouldn't have gone for that in a million years.

    Eyes closed and Rick glanced to the floor when he'd been shoved away from; testing the alignment of his neck from the force for just a moment before looking up at him again. If they were going to fight, he was determined to keep his eyes locked on the opposing pair rather than keeping his head dropped low like some kind of scolded DOG. Despite the small bubble of fear that started in his gut at the other’s return to his PERSONAL SPACE, he held strong. Negan. He was Negan. Of course he was. That didn't mean he could waltz back into the Safe Zone and tell them all to pick up and just BECOME Saviors.

    A slow, but firm nod was given. “I GET it,” Rick said, no louder than a harsh whisper; eyes narrowed in frustration to match a second of flared nostrils. “But you SAW what happened! I can't go back in there actin’ like nothin’s changed.” His words were given with a gesture toward the door, spine straightening to finally stand at his full height (if only for his own sake of not feeling too submissive in the moment.) “And they won't look at me the same. They won't just ACCEPT that they'd all be better off here if I tell ‘em they would.” They wouldn't have believed him before -- they DEFINITELY wouldn't listen to him after he threw in the towel.

    “Tell me how t’ fix it, an’ I will. YOU’RE the one that messed this up this time.” Rick had closed the rest of the gap between them; nearly pressing their foreheads together. “I had a PLAN fer that fight. Now you need one. I can't keep lookin’ like you OWN me if I want them t’ keep followin’ me.” If Glenn was still alive, they probably would have latched on to him by then and left Rick without any hold over them when he started kneeling for the prick before him. “So tell me. Whataya want me t’ do about it?”

NEGAN:

Negan’s eyes NARROWED dangerously as he looked to Rick. He was soaked in gasoline and standing awfully close to an open flame and he didn’t seem to have the SLIGHTEST idea. Certainly not the best tactic to get what you wanted. “No Rick, you’re fuckin’ RIGHT!” Negan booms, not a care in the world that it’s the dead of night and people are SLEEPING.

“You’re NOT gonna go back here like NOTHIN’S CHANGED, cause shit HAS CHANGED. “I don’t GIVE a shit how they look at you, and if that’s the fuckin’ case, THEN BY ALL MEANS, please get on your fuckin’ hands and knees ands and THANK my MOTHERFUCKING GENEROSITY for giving YOU some goddamn ASYLUM AFTER THAT FUCKING BETRAYAL.” How bad had their wires gotten crossed. Rick stands to his full height and Negan matches, still in his face, still far too close, still SUFFOCATING.

“I’M the fuckin’ one that messed this up?” ABORT, ABORT. Legitimate anger flares in his eyes, suddenly he’s standing taller, looking down at Rick like he’s about to CRUSH him, Lucille held tight in his HAND. But his unoccupied hand is on Rick’s throat and he’s SHOVING his back into the wall, body flesh against the FALLEN leader of Alexandria. “Your plan was to take out my fuckin’ men. That plan is a SHIT FUCKING PLAN.” And not one Negan would agree to.

“I want YOU to show me some motherfucking APPRECIATION and LOYALTY.” After all, he was now offering Judith extended Aslyum, and retracting the offer to bash in her brains and…. This was the type of reaction Rick had? NOT. FUCKING. OKAY.

RICK:

He'd barely had a chance to be surprised at being RIGHT before Negan was continuing with his explanation of what he was right about. It was something he should have seen coming. Really, showing up there had been a mistake, but he hadn't seen it until it was already too late. Rick was in too deep but couldn't quite grasp the edge to save himself from drowning. The only thing he could do was let it play through -- take whatever it got him and move the fuck on with his life. There was no doubt in his mind that NEGAN’S life had continued on like normal when he'd skipped out on meeting with him, why couldn't Rick’s have been the same?

    He had a point regardless of how badly Rick wanted to say there wasn't one. If there was only Alexandria for him, there was no telling how bleak it would have looked for him after the way things had fallen apart for him -- BECAUSE OF him. The ex-sheriff could feel his exterior cracking. The enormous walls built with anger and the lack of consideration (Negan could have at least met him and said they couldn't spend any time together rather than leaving him to figure it out on his own,) beginning to crumble.

    The mess Negan made of him on - what seemed to be - a regular basis needed to be easier to clean up. Because it had only started to pick up and Grimes was already swallowing down the lump in his throat. Of course that could have been from the way he'd come at him once again. It wasn't even the bat creeping closer to his face again -- it was the eyes, always the eyes, that spoke more danger than anything else. All that came close was that grin, but (unfortunately?) that hadn't made an appearance.

    Not while his back was shoved to the wall with a hand at his throat anyway. It HAD been a shitty plan, especially with the traitors that were supposed to have been on their side for the fight. Breath SHUDDERED in his chest and Rick finally opened his mouth to respond. If they were going to get out of the fight? It was going to have to be on him. It was best to give Negan what he wanted unless Rick wanted to start a whole new chapter in their war record. “Thank you.”

    His words were all but SPAT instead of whispered easily like before when he'd been held to the wall. “But how the hell’m I supposed t’ show you ANY of that if I'm supposed t’ be on THEIR side?” Well, at least until he could convince them to switch. “I can't TELL THEM I'm Negan now.” Or that he had been for far too long already. “HELP me.”

NEGAN:

The SPAT THANK YOU, deserves a GROWLED “YOU’RE WELCOME.” That feels like a blade across his throat with how sharp the fucking words are as they spill from a scowl, temper finally raised to where it ought not be. “You’re NOT supposed to be on their side any fucking more, Rick.” Negan spat back, just as ferociously as the other had tried to come off as.

“YOU’RE gonna go back there, get your fuckin’ shit, get your daughter, and say you’re TIRED of fighting. YOU’RE accepting my offer, You’re GIVING THE FUCK UP.” Negan informs him as if it isn’t rocket science. “You go, and you tell them you’re Negan now because you’re fucking SICK of fighting for scraps. You’re sick of how they look at you, You fuckin’ KNOW a good thing when you see one, AND YOU’RE DONE.”

It’s a demand, an order. “You fuckin’ do WHATEVER the fuck you gotta do, and then you come the fuck back here and START earning your goddamn KEEP and repaying me for my motherfucking time I wasted.”  At this point, if Alexandria wanted a war, they were going to get one. They could either join the Saviors, or they could perish as traitors and Rick could be on the right or wrong side of the line they’d drawn in the sand.

Regardless, it was going to be a bloodbath. “You start from the fucking BOTTOM doing whatever the fuck you have to do to earn my fucking TRUST back and when I think you’re fucking GOOD AND READY, I’ll give you your fuckin’ pea SIZED nuts back and you can get back to having a good fucking life.”

RICK:

How FAR he had fallen. Not only had he become someone his people (more than likely) couldn't look to for his guidance, but he'd put himself in a position that he could have sworn he would have never allowed himself to be pushed into. Over what? It wasn't like they HAD anything between them in that moment. There were no feelings - nothing more than anger, frustration and a growing pit of guilt and self-pity. And there definitely wasn't anything PHYSICAL going on in that room either. Was it worth allowing the kind of ABUSE?

    Rick wasn't one to take orders. He never had been, at least. Negan had become SOMETHING to him, which had driven his desire to follow what was asked (demanded?) of him. But with them all but screaming in each other’s faces, what was left to hold on to there? Had he really stripped himself of EVERYTHING over some asshole that put business before his personal life? One slow shake of his head, and he GLARED back into those darkened eyes. “Not until you give me a good reason -- one that doesn't include THREATENING the lives of those people.”

    Searching for some kind of validation from the ‘enemy’ probably wasn't the smartest idea, but if he wasn't going to get more than insults and a lack of self-worth out of it, what was the point? They'd all end up dead in the end anyway. “I wanna know this is more than a fucking BUSINESS DEAL t’ you… THEN I'll bring them all here.”

NEGAN:

Did he think this was his choice anymore? He had given up that option when he’d ASKED Negan to pick. Negan fucking picked the option Rick was too pussy to fully embrace, but sometimes, it took a PUSH in the right direction to get people to see your fucking side and for all intensive purposes, NEGAN WAS BEING REAL, REAL, MOTHERFUCKING PATIENT. A goddamn SAINT.

“Right now, with how I feel?” Negan questioned, a low whistle, eyes wide in HORROR at the other’s choice of action as his head shook slowly, back and forth. “You don’t deserve a goddamn thing.” It was a reminder, that Negan, as a leader would not be giving him ANY fucking special privileges after that shitshow had unfolded before his very goddamn eyes.

Negan WANTS to chuckle, but he’s thinking, eyes locked on Rick’s with an unreadable expression, tongue poking and pinched through pearly whites that look more VICIOUS than anything else. “If this were JUST a business deal…” Negan points out, words cold, calculated, and deathly transparent. “You, your daughter, and all of those fucking PEOPLE back at yours? They’d be DEAD after a motherfucking STUNT like that. I want you to take a moment to let that SINK IN.”

And silence followed. The calculated cold Negan projected down upon the other as his grip on his throat loosened so he was no longer making it hard for him to breathe. “This?” Negan pointed, a lazy finger motioning between their faces to PUNCTUATE his point, “This is the only thing that’s keeping Lucille from having a motherfuckin’ GRIMES BUFFET.”

RICK:

How had it gotten so DIFFERENT in his mind? That something had actually started between them that was more than some kind of stress relief? It wasn't like they'd filled their previous private time together with HATE sex -- well, at least not after the first time. It hadn't been that way to Rick anyway. But with ‘how he felt,’ if he could throw everything away, over a fucked up misunderstanding? He swallowed, waiting for Negan to finish what he had to say before being allowed to relax his stance -- breath coming back to him in full but still ragged in the face of what had been demanded of him.

    Perfect. He'd only managed to keep his family alive by having some personal secret kept between the two of them. Rick wasn't sure if he could take that as an insult to his leadership skills or the fact that - if it hadn't happened - there was a good chance they would have all died long before he could stand in Negan’s bedroom arguing with him about it. “Better--” he began. “I wanna know what I mean t’ you. Not just that you'd KEEP ME ALIVE.” Besides, their first meeting had included the idea that they couldn't work for him if they were dead.

    “You might not wanna HEAR it right now, but you NEED Alexandria regardless of what WE’RE doin’ t’gether. If not fer the SCRAPS, then fer the space, the farm land… Ya can't GROW anything on gravel and concrete.”

NEGAN:

WAS RICK REALLY TRYING TO PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME? Negan wasn’t entirely certain that’s where it was going, but at the gruff question of the other, there’s a long, DRAWN OUT fucking sigh, eyes rolling tediously. Did Rick think they were going STEADY? That T H A T was the type of outstanding gentleman Negan was?

Negan goes to speak but another sigh comes instead, this time turning into a laugh of disbelief, head shaking slowly. The thing was, despite Negan not wanting to admit it, the fact Rick was still alive meant he DID mean something to the other.

But even he wasn’t ready to admit whatever the fuck that was. It was having fun, relieving tension. Yeah they lingered sometimes, but it was GIVING IN to what felt good. “I told you.” Negan stated, finally pushing away from Rick, he was BORED now. “When you get your fuckin’ nuts back, and when you fucking EARN my goddamn trust again, I want you here.” As his righthand man.

Dwight was on the way out, Negan could feel something brewing, but he needed Rick. Rick had what it fucking took, and if Rick was in his pocket, he would have Rick’s loyalty. Rick was one of the few that many that could be driven by their emotions if given the right little push. “I need someone I can fucking trust, working BESIDE me. I had thought that was you.” But he was wrong. Still he had Harley, Simon… The others.

“Alexandria is prime goddamn real estate.” Negan pointed out, Lucille propping against the couch before he passed and moved over to the small bar, “We should be confiscating that shit for ourselves.” In the event they decided to kill everyone of course,”BUT I fuckin’ KNOW, Rick.” Anger extinguishes as quickly as it came and he’s pouring TWO glasses.

RICK:

His head dropped briefly, letting the words wash over him. To get himself back on Negan’s good side - to regain any small amount of his manhood back in the other’s eyes - he needed to give up again? Tell them all he was done fighting like some child tired of being pushed out of the playground and pretend they all should have fallen in line behind him for the sake of ‘once being their leader’? There was no way that would work out the way Negan mapped it out for him. (But really, what other option did he have? It wasn't like he could return and FIGHT after that huge disappointment.)

    Rick wanted to argue -- he could have been one hell of a right hand man, despite being better as a LEADER than a sidekick. Or, he had been at one point. But there was no point in arguing anymore. He saw that now. Judith would listen to him -- he hoped -- because she was his daughter. The rest? Maybe he could make something up to get them to cooperate. If he had to tell them it was the only way to keep Judith alive, they had to let it happen. And once they saw the other side, they wouldn't WANT to go back. (In a perfect world anyway.)

    “Fine,” he sighed, wetting his lips and crossing his arms over his chest if only to better close himself off from the situation. “I can't promise they'll all follow me, but…” fuck. “I'll bring Judith back with me.” Even if it had to be only for her safety. He wasn't about to leave her behind to be killed off like some common survivor that didn't know better. “We’ll stay here.”

NEGAN:

It was THAT confirmation that had a GRIN suddenly appearing. Look, he knew this wasn’t easy, but considering the shit they’d pulled it was necessary and he wasn’t TRYING to make this harder on Rick, not anymore, not now that he HEARD him give into exactly what he wanted. “At this point, I don’t care if they do.” It would be ideal if they did, but Negan knew it to be highly unlikely.

Negan took a slow stride over to Rick, holding out the glass he’d just poured. Grin slipping into something a little less irritating, an attempt at some REASSURANCE. “That’s a good fuckin’ choice, Rick.” He admitted with a nod, raising the glass for him to take.

“I’ve been TRYING to play nice, but my patience? They’re’a RUNNIN’ out.” And it wasn’t Rick’s fault, he could only lead his people to water, but he could not force them to drink. “Y’wanna see your rooms?” Negan offered, trying to give him something more to look FORWARD TO. “Listen,” It comes after a moment, with a sigh, “I’m not tryin’ to BE the fuckin’ prick.” Usually it didn’t matter, but this wasn’t an act they were putting on for the others.

RICK:

At least Negan thought so. Rick wasn't all too sure about it, but if it was going to keep Judith from having to fight anymore -- he'd give up just this one last time for her sake. There was still a promise that he would have been somewhere better than the bottom of the barrel (or the end of his fucking rope,) so it wasn't ALL bad. Besides, Sanctuary had EVERYTHING. They'd been taking and taking and making a life for themselves from the start, it seemed. They must had had a hell of a comfortable life despite the killing -- but Rick hadn't come all this way without getting his own hands dirty.

   Hell, killing people was what had really gotten Negan on their ass in the first place. No one was innocent anymore. A slight tremor played over his hand as he reached for the glass offered to him; frustration with HIMSELF over the man in front of him running his stability (or lack thereof.) “I have two demands,” he said against the lip of the glass before SIPPING at the liquid. “You don't TOUCH the kids -- Judith and Sophia. They don't have to fight anymore… and I want medical care for Maggie. Without having to work for it.”

    Negotiating made him feel a bit better; getting his side out in the open and not giving Negan the chance to call ALL the shots when it came to Rick’s people. “You agree to those terms an’ we won't have any problem.”

NEGAN:

Negan wanted to point out how they DIDN’T hurt kids, but threatening Judith had been a special scenario he needed Rick to realize, but there wasn’t a moment of hesitation as Negan’s eyes locked onto the other, “Done.” It was effortless, easy, as if without a thought, but this made Rick have SOMETHING to present his people. Yes, he got Rick, but the pregnant widow got taken care of and the kids were protected.

Plus… Anything he gave to Rick offered his own leverage because even still, Negan was MIGHTY fucking understanding of the shortcomings he had experienced at the hands of the other community. “I’m not an unreasonable fuckin’ person, Rick.” Sure he could appear that way, but there was a method to the madness.

“But I got ONE fuckin’ demand’a my own.” Negan pointed out, “You bring my PUPPY back and you both fuckin’ work for me.” It sounded like water under the bridge in turn of Daryl escaping, something an often punishable offense.

RICK:

That had been easier than expected; and the shock spread across his face said just that. Rick had almost prepared himself for another argument; ready in case Negan decided to make his demands even greater. But what he got in return was -- understanding. He'd gone there looking for it in the first place and (after too much of an argument) had finally gotten the smallest taste of it. The mention of Daryl, however, had his spine straightening. Something about hearing him called Negan’s PUPPY grated on his nerves.

    The only saving grace was that BOTH of them would have ended up working for him anyway. And he hadn't pictured leaving him behind to fight and search and starve. One firm nod was given in response with an echoed “done.” The last of his drink was swallowed with a DEEP grimace and a shove of the glass back into Negan’s hand. At least they were more on level ground than when he'd first shown up (and definitely more than when the Saviors had last shown up at Alexandria’s gate.

    “Gimme a couple days t’ convince the rest t’ come with us. If I can get Daryl an’ Maggie t’ come, the rest should follow in b’hind them.” He had an idea of how to win each of them over; medical supplies and care, a way for Maggie to get back to her sister, and a chance at helping him keep their people safe and taken care of for Daryl. It really had come to feel like the best option for all of them to stop trying to burn the bridge to the Saviors and join them on the other side. “Thank you,” he said again a few silent moments later; softer and more sincere than before.

[thel0stw1tch]

100 Questions - 100 Answers pt.3 100 questions because I'm bored edition

I see people post these all the time and I thought they would be fun to answer. So if you wanna learn about yours truly here it is.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? - Yeah man everyone has many boys girls non binary etc. people in their life .

  2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? - Depends on what kind of hurt.

  3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” - My cats

  4: What’s something you really want right now? - Stability and confidence.

  5: Are you afraid of falling in love? - Very much so.

  6: Do you like the beach? - I love it with all my heart.

  7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? - Yeah when I was younger

  8: What’s the background on your cell? - My lock screen is a picture I took at the beach

  9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? - What? Like whose beds have I been sitting on? Mine and my brothers. I can only think of two.

  10: Do you like your phone? - I do. She’s an older model but I she’s still good.

  11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? - Oh fuck no.

  12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? - Jon.

  13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? - Neither? I like dogs but poodles are high maintenance and I don’t think I would be able to take care of one properly. As for Rottweilers, I have a minor childhood trauma associated with a rottie so I’m not sure if I could ever own one.

  14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? - Emotional

  15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? - Art museum.

  16: Are you tired? - Usually.

  17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? - My entire life.

  18: Are they a relative? - Yes, it’s my Dad.

  19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? - No. Some of them hurt me in ways I can never forgive and others I have realized I care about them deeply on a platonic level.  Either way I have no romantic interest in any of my exes

  20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? - The last person I kiss kissed is my now ex back when we were dating a few months ago. Last time I kissed them was sometime in August, last time he texted me was early September.  

  21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? - No. I’m 19 I don’t wanna marry anyone right now.

  22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - No. Hell no. Maybe if someone gave me million dollars and told me I could slap him after lol.

  23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? - Just my fit bit. I’m not a huge bracelet person.

  24: Is there a certain quote you live by? - I have a few kinda. One is a poem by Max Ehrmann called Desiderata. Link: http://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html

  25: What’s on your mind? - C H R I S T M A S

  26: Do you have any tattoos? - Yes, only one but I want more.

  27: What is your favorite color? - I like blues and purples.

  28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? - Well shucks I don’t know. Whenever the situation arises?

  29: Who are you texting? - The last person I sent a text to was Jon.

  30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? - Yeah.

  31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? - All the time.

  32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? - I am female, one of my best friends is male.

  33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? - Feelings is a broad term so yes I believe many people have all different feelings towards me.

  34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? - I get that a lot actually.

  35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? - I would feel bad for whoever was kissing that shitty slimeball.

  36: Were you single on Valentine’s Day? - Not last Valentine’s Day but it felt like I was because he didn’t do shit for me.

  37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? - Fuck no.

  38: What do your friends call you? - Depends on the friend. I have a lot of people that still use my dead name but most call me Rose. I have a couple high school friends that call me Crazy.

  39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? - My mom.

  40: Have you ever cried over a text? - Yep.

  41: Where’s your last bruise located? - My wrist.

  42: What is it from? - No clue.

  43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? - A few nights ago I was in my bed and I would have drained my bank account and killed a man to be at the beach. Does that count?

  44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? - My last phone call was with my Pop-pop

  45: Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? - I like my fake ugg boots but my fave is a pair of 6 ½ inch grey acid washed sparkly denim chunky heels that have work boot treads. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

  46: Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day? - No.

  47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? - N E V E R

  48: Do you make supper for your family? - Sometimes

  49: Does your bedroom have a door? - Yes

  50: Top 3 web-pages? - Youtube Kongregate Facebook

  51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? - Not off the top of my head

  52: Does anything on your body hurt? - My ankle and my eyes.

  53: Are goodbyes hard for you? - It depends on the goodbye...

  54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? - Water.

  55: How is your hair? - My hair is long and amazing.

  56: What do you usually do first in the morning? - Look at my phone,

  57: Do you think two people can last forever? - As long as they are the right two people, yeah.

  58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? - Uhhh I was like 8 so yeah.

  59: Green or purple grapes? - Green.

  60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? - Prolly later today when my dad comes home.

  61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? - Yeah.

  62: When will be the next time you text someone? - .2 seconds

  63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? - In bed or at my desk.

  64: What were you doing at 8 this morning? - Sleeping.

  65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? - My ex.

  66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? - Yeah.

  67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? - I hugged my brother and someone at work.

  68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? - Uhh I don’t know.

  69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? - YEP.

  70: How many windows are open on your computer? - I’m typing this in word 1, I have cookie clicker and Tumblr open 2&3, discord 4, steam 5. Five.

  71: How many fingers do you have? - 10.

  72: What is your ringtone? - Bad Connection by Yazoo

  73: How old will you be in 5 months? - 20.

  74: Where is your Mum right now? - In her car.

  75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? - Because I was a fool and that “love” wasn’t real, they weren’t who I thought they were..

  76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? - No.

  77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? I have two friends that I was friends with two years ago.

  78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? - Yep lol.

  79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? - I know a few. One of my Supervisors at work is named Mike.

  80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? - Yes.

  81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? - Two. One I liked for a little over 48 hours and then that was like NAH. The other well. nextquestion.

  82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? - Just me myself and I.

  83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? - Yep.

  84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? - I would never be in that situation.

  85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? - Yes. I would care a lot.

  86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? - The most eventful time I tried to see a movie in the theatre was when I tried to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens with my best friend and the theatre lost power. I still have never seen that movie.

  87: Who was your last received call from? - My mom.

  88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? - No. I would feel too guilty.

  89: What is something you wish you had more of? - Money.

  90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? - yes..

  91: Do you sleep with your window open? - FUCK NO

  92: Do you get along with girls? - I guess?

  93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? - Nope

  94: Does sex mean love? - No. People have sex with people they don’t love all the time. Also real love exists without sex.

  95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? - Yes. Big time.

  96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? - No.

  97: Did you sleep alone this week? - Yes

  98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? - Of course.

  99: Do you believe in love at first sight? - No.

  100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? - One of my best friends.