#some people complain about the stages but I really love how big they felt and how sneaky I could get on them

[xentama]

Until next time... Stay Fresh!

[tojixz]

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Reader

Notes: Part two done! I really didn't think part one of this simple fanfic would engage so much, I was so happy! I'm very happy that several people liked it and I hope to continue with more stories here. Also, I am new to Tumblr, so I am learning my way around the platform, so please be patient; but if you want to send me any requests or writing ideas about Avatar, feel free! I will try to elaborate and do a good write-up for you. In advance, THANK YOU VERY MUCH 💕💕

Summary: Another lovely day with the Sully family! Jake desperately chasing after the little rascals that are his children plus his pregnant wife to deal with.

Warnings: A little bit of anguish, but it is rewarded afterwards!

Word Count: 2,4k

Sa'nok (n) - Mom Tìyawn (n) - Love

Oel ngati kameie (n) - I see you

Part one | Part three

You awoke early that morning, feeling ready to make a productive day of it. Stretching, you got up from the hammock and looked around, missing the presence of your companion, who by the looks of it began his work as head of the Omatikaya Clan early in the morning. You are somewhat saddened to wake up away from Jake's body heat, missing his big arms around you and his loving kisses all over your face. But you have gotten used to it, after all it was a necessary evil.

Standing up, you observed your children still sleeping in a deep slumber. The clan started their activities early in the day, when the sun was just beginning to rise, but you thought it unnecessary to wake your children that early, then you go do what needs to be done while they stay in the tent resting. That is until Jake came to them and got them out of bed to start their day's activities.

While still looking at the sleeping children, her eyes fixed on Lo'ak for a moment. He was having little spasms in his sleep, probably because of some dream he had been having. You let out a small laugh at this; Lo'ak was usually agitated even in his sleep. His brothers complained about how he disturbed them with his nocturnal mumblings or kicks that they were liable to get because they were close.

After standing still for long enough, you finally got ready and left the tent.

A few months had passed, so your belly was very swollen at this point. You felt heavy and sluggish, but you smiled widely every time you felt your little baby kick your belly, which wasn't the case today since he was probably also sleeping like his other siblings.

As you walked a bit, you met up with some elders who greeted you respectfully. You asked if there was anything you could help with and, as expected, you were assigned something simple. Picking fruit and herbs for the clan's food preparation.

You didn't really mind doing simple tasks, you just didn't like being treated like a fragile piece of glass just because of your pregnant state. It wasn't uncommon for pregnant Na'vi women to help hunt with the others (only in simpler hunts in this case), so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for you to help.

You loved hunting, it made you feel useful to your clan and to your family, not to mention that others appreciated your help. You were a very good hunter, if not one of the best. You were agile and very good with the bow, being one of the main people in the clan to have exceptional aim, so being away from these activities misses you.

The main person to somehow force you not to hunt is none other than, himself, your faithful companion, Jake Sully.

He was already extremely protective of you in the early stages of pregnancy, but now that your belly was huge and you tired more easily, he protected you from even the most harmless creatures of Pandora.

Honestly, you were angry with him for it. Sometimes his constant protection was suffocating and made you feel like a child. But more childish is Jake and his stubbornness. No matter how much you argued, you would always be at square one of 'No hunting at all'.

Sighing, you settled for going after the items necessary for food preparation. At least that gave you a calming stroll with only your own presence among the flora of Pandora.

Jake had been searching for a family member for some time.

He went into his shared tent to, as usual, wake up his children to start the day. In the process he expected to find you and sprinkle you with kisses since he was unable to do that when he left the tent earlier.

However, the only thing he came across was the deadly silence of the environment and the stillness of the surroundings.

This was not normal. It definitely was not.

Their children didn't disappear like that. Even if they woke up before he arrived to wake them up, they usually stayed at home helping you with something or just enjoying themselves before Jake dragged them out.

But that wasn't the case today. There was no one in the tent, not even you.

This made your stomach turn and a bitter feeling settle in your throat. Nothing bad had happened, right?

The kids could have just gone out to play without waiting for him to arrive and you must have gone to do something. Yes, that's definitely it.

But even if it is, Jake was unable to stop the worry bubbling up inside him and the present despair he plunged into. Jake turned on his heels and hurried out of the tent in search of his children or you, whichever it was.

As he walked through the clan, Jake stopped the first person who appeared in front of him and began frantically asking questions in search of answers.

"Änsit! Oh my God, help me", Jake made the woman who was walking calmly with a basket in her arms stop abruptly at the mention of her name and turn with a look of astonishment to face the man who called out to her.

"Olo'eyktan, Oel ngati kameie. What's wrong?", the woman inquired, analyzing her leader's expressions and seeing how desperate and helpless the man is. What could be so bad that could have happened to make her great leader so frightened like this?

Jake swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth as he tried to stabilize his breathing, and then quickly said: "My children, have you seen them? Or their mother?"

He was able to see how the woman's body tensed for a few seconds and a worried expression took over from the previous one. This did not help ease his worries, in fact, it only made them worse.

"No, no, I didn't see them, any of them. Did something happen?"

Jake's heart froze, it wasn't possible for his noisy sons not to have made a presence in the clan yet, someone should have seen it. But he didn't have time to go out interrogating every soul he could find in front of him, his only option was to act and look for them on his own.

"Okay, thanks. If you see them, have someone let me know. For now I need to go", Jake didn't even give Änsit a chance to reason through the situation before he rushed back to search for you and your children.

He had been walking for a while and the situation was only getting worse. He could not calm his troubled heart and his eyes were beginning to fill with tears for fear that something might have happened.

In his search time he had heard that you had gone out early to help the elderly women with their search for fruits, herbs and derivatives, but so far there has been no return from you.

Jake was in the middle of the forest currently as the sun was high in the sky. He was breaking into a cold sweat as he continued to shout his name and that of his children. How could this have happened? How could he let you disappear like this?

Guilt was consuming him as worry settled in his lungs making it difficult to breathe. His throat was beginning to rasp from the many times he had called out their names. He refused to give up and knew that one hour you would answer him.

"Lo'ak! Neteyam!!" Jake continued walking and started to walk in between some trees in the process, still continuing with his call. "Kiri?! Oh Great Mother… Children, I ask you to answer me-", he was silenced by distant voices in front of him. He became still, so deadly still that it was possible to hear his heartbeat against his ribcage, just focusing on listening to the various voices behind the trees.

"Lo'ak, I will not repeat, watch out for the rocks!"

"Right Sa'nok. I am skilled, I will not get hurt."

"Sure you are", a sarcastic voice was heard soon after, pouring debauchery into every word, "Who was the fool who slipped last time and grated his entire knee?"

"Shut up Kiri!"

"Watch the lingo, Lo'ak!"

A commotion followed soon after, sounds of splashing water and screaming children filled the place. Jake would recognize those voices even on his deathbed, they were the voices that annoyed him some days, but lit up all his mornings.

He let out the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. A shaky sigh left his lips; his legs slackened for a few seconds as relief flooded his entire being.

Jake didn't know that those voices were the sweetest thing he had ever heard in his entire life. He never wanted to listen to the silence again.

Making his way through the greenery, Jake could finally see the scene in front of him. Small children were playing in the small pond that had settled there, while a more delicate figure with a large round part in place of a stomach was sitting on the ground peeling some fruit in its basket.

It was the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Although Jake was angry that you had disappeared without trace or warning, the anger was soon replaced by passion and affection for his family. Jake loved them so much, so much that his heart ached. And to think that soon they would have an extra member there, running and jumping along with their other children. Jake could not contain the smile that insisted on appearing on his lips.

Walking toward you, Jake sat down beside you while resting his head on your shoulder, making you jump from where you were standing from the fright you got.

"Ah my Eywa. What a fright Jake Sully! What did I say about sneaky approaches?" You shot him a scolding look as you calmed your heartbeat.

"I'm sorry. But I guess I'm the only one who should be angry here, because why did you disappear without even telling me? The children… do you know how desperate I was to chase after you?", his voice was firm, wanting to scold you, but you could feel the desperation in his speech.

Your lips curved upward slightly as you put your knife and fruit away in the basket beside you, only to take Jake's hands and entwine them together. "I'm sorry, love, I did not mean that. I took the opportunity of you not being around to serve as some help to the clan since you make me unable to do so in your presence", you said with a playful tone that drew a snort coming from Jake, which you just ignored and continued, "I was really going to do what I was assigned and return to join the elders, however, as I was gathering the necessary ingredients, I felt small bodies cling to my leg demanding that I play with them. Your children woke up energized today."

You and Jake shifted their focus to the children diving into the pond ahead, realizing that they probably hadn't even noticed their father's presence yet.

Jake moved even closer to you and deposited a light kiss on your lips, so soft that you were almost unable to register it. Then he lowered his face and deposited an even more loving kiss on your round belly, then you were able to hear him murmur, "I was very afraid that something might have happened to you."

Your heart squeezed at those words and you felt guilty. It wasn't fair to Jake to suddenly disappear without warning, you were a little upset this morning, but it still wasn't a reason. You can imagine the constant desperation he had been in before he found you.

The only option you found yourself able to do to soothe your companion's distressed heart was to get up and sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around Jake's neck and resting your forehead against his. "Forgive me, tìyawn", you deposited a longer kiss on Jake's mouth, pulling away minimally to whisper something that only the two of you were able to hear, "What can I do to end your fears?"

Before Jake was able to answer, you were able to hear voices of disgust behind you.

"Ew… Daddy, how long have you been here doing disgusting things?", Kiri asked as she hid her face behind her older brother so she wouldn't be able to see anything else.

"You disappear without a trace and when you see me you're already saying these things to me?", Jake took you from his lap as gently as possible, placing a quick kiss on your cheek. He got up and slowly started walking towards his children with his arms outstretched. "Am I supposed to shower you with kisses as punishment for all the hell you put me through today?"

Your children let out startled cries as they ran to protect themselves from their father's strong arms, Lo'ak colliding head-on with Neteyam in the process, causing Kiri to squirm with laughter and end up falling into the arms of Jake who was showering her with kisses all over her little face.

You started to laugh out loud at your family's pranks. You cherished moments like that and they made them memories too special to fix in your head. You cracked a smile as more laughter was heard coming from Jake, Neteyam, Lo'ak and Kiri. That is until your smile widened even more (if that was possible) as you felt your baby kicking your belly. Placing your hand on your stomach, you were able to feel the baby's excitement, as if it was sharing all the energy coming from its siblings.

You knew that surely this little being in your belly would be just as energetic as your current little ones. And it made you realize how blessed you truly were.

You would be scolded later for not having taken the promised ingredients to the elders. But that's okay, the light of your family was able to make you overcome any challenge.

The story took a different turn than I expected, but in the end I liked it! I hope I was able to convey well the father jake desperate for his missing family lmao✨️

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒

[strangermarvelss]

second best- e.m (pt 2) 

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Cunningham!Female!Reader

Summary: with chrissy now off to college with her boyfriend, jason, eddie turns to you and wants to begin a relationship, making you feel a certain way about being his second choice.

Warnings: angsty angst, second choice, eddie being dumb, confrontation, crying, steve being the best mom friend

Request?: No

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: i got the most amazing request to do like a little women type of thing between chrissy, eddie, and chrissy’s sister inspired by the jo, laurie, and amy relationship and i thought it was absolutely brilliant, so here it is! also i’ve aged chrissy up to about 19 and reader is 18, while eddie is 20 :) enjoy! -sava

part one | part two | part three

One week.

One week has passed by since you’ve seen your best friend. The man you’ve been used to sharing stories with during spontaneous sleepovers in his stain-filled bed and falling asleep on his shoulder during your movie nights. One week since that same man crushed your spirits, stomping and pulverizing them in front of you. No calls, no visits, just the empty house you’ve known since your parents brought you home from the Hawkins hospital. 

Your parents decided to extend their trip a bit with Chrissy overpacking and needing some more help getting adjusted to living on her own for just a little longer. You weren’t complaining, as with the circumstances that left you being alone overnight for the first time ever made you well adjusted. Plus, you felt as if you needed some more time to wrap your head around everything, and your parents finally coming home won’t help the headspace you needed to avoid. The comparisons would start the minute they walk in the door and the absence of Chrissy settled in.

As much as you loved your sister, it hurt to be constantly in her shadow. She was your parents favorite child, star athlete thanks to being captain of the cheer squad, and now going on to do great things at a great university, while you weren’t sure what it was you wanted to do with your life yet. You loved running the paper and being in debate club, but you weren’t sure if those would still stick with you once you walked the stage of the Hawkins High auditorium. That was what you admired most about Eddie, his determination and drive towards his ultimate goal.

He knew he was going to be a big rock star since he was in middle school, he would remind you and Chrissy of that any chance he got. He wand his band were going to take off any minute now, soar the charts and become overnight sensations, selling out a world tour and headlining every venue and music festival. You vowed the moment you became his best friend you’d be by his side and support him during his entire journey. Now, you weren’t sure that was still a possibility.

Being second best to Chrissy was something you had grown used to, but never did you think it would happen with Eddie. You had accepted the fact that a romantic relationship was never in the cards for the two of you, opting to stay happy and content with a friendship that couldn’t be broken by anything, at least, that’s how it used to be. But then he tried to kiss you and settle for you, as if it was just some thing that needed to happen now that she was off to college and out of Hawkins for good, settling for the crumbs that were leftover from the delicious Thanksgiving dinner. And it hurt.

It fucking hurt.

On top of everything, you felt as if you had no one to really go to about this. Only a few people knew about your crush on Eddie, and you had no desire to spill your guts about your dilemma at the moment. In most stressful situations you encountered, Chrissy was always the person you’d go to. Being your big sister, she always knew exactly what to say to get you to think clearly or point you in the right direction. But with this situation involving her directly, and her off at college living her new life, it wasn’t an option. So here you were, left to your own devices, a week of thinking and stressing about the future between you and Eddie, platonic or not.

You park the car in front of Family Video and make your way towards the entrance. The allotted time for the videos you rented to your movie night with Eddie was up, and maybe seeing your friends would cheer you up a bit. Steve and Robin always knew what to say to get your spirits high, or even higher if you just wanted to hang.

“Welcome to Family Video how may I-oh! Hey Y/N,” Steve greets you, his smile stretching from ear to ear. You return his smile, your lips tight and teeth remaining behind the barrier of your mouth as you approach the counter. You place the tapes in front of Steve and tap your nails against the surface.

“Just here to return those,” you say simply. 

“How’d you and Munson like them? I’ve been meaning to check out this specifically,” Steve asks, picking up the tape that had just began to play when everything went down between you and Eddie. You look down at your hands, trying to avoid eye contact with the man known as ‘the hair’.

“We, uh…we didn’t finish that one. Some stuff came up,” you let out lightly. You sigh to yourself as the silence around you and Steve begins to thicken. You hear the gears and ringing of the cash register as you continue to look away, all around the video store.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks you. You knew Steve had grown into quite the understanding person within recent years, finally growing out of the asshole popular kid who only cared about reputations and looks. You knew it had something to do with the kids he looked after, the kids you had grown closer to since they became friends with Eddie last year through Hellfire. You always appreciated his advice, but you were still in a funk about the entire thing, not in the mood for talking much.

“Nope, just need a distraction. Any new movies come in since last week?” You deflect. 

“Unfortunately no, but I know you said you wanted to finally check out the Star Wars trilogy, and the person who had Return of the Jedi just returned it, so I saved all three movies for you,” He tells you, reaching beneath him and pulling the three tapes onto the counter. You gasp and jump a bit, excitement surging through your body for the first time in a week. You were so thrilled that you didn’t hear the bell to the door chime, alerting everyone that someone new had arrived.

“Steve! You shouldn’t have. This is going to be amazing,” you exclaim, beating your fists in excitement against the counter.

“What’s going to be amazing?”

Suddenly, you felt your blood turn cold and shivers run up your spine at the sound of that familiar voice. You turn slowly to see the frizzy curls that you to fill you with as much excitement as just felt with getting to watch Star Wars. All happiness that you were temporarily experiencing was gone, taken away by the sheer sound of his voice.

“Uh, Y/N is going to finally watch the Star Wars movies, that’s all,” Steve says, trying to break the tension in the room. 

“That’s great,” Eddie says, faking enthusiasm. You hear his heavy footsteps walk around the other side of the counter and off to the horror section. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding in, shifting your attention back to Steve. His features soften at the sudden change in your demeanor.

“Y/N, are you sure you’re ok-“

“Just ring me up, Steve. Please?” You mumble out. He simply nods and begins to process of ringing you out. You keep your head low, but every so often you watch Eddie walk about the store. You had no idea what was going on in his head, but his lack of reaching out to you made your heart sink. Did he not realize what he had done to you? Or did he just not care?

“Alright, Y/N, you’re all checked out,” Steve tell you as he passes you the tapes. He gives you a soft smile and you just look at him as you grab the tapes.

“Thanks Steve. See ya later,” you tell him quickly, before running out the door and towards your car. You’re quick to open the driver’s side door and jump inside, tossing the tapes gently on the dash. You jump out of your skin when you see the passenger door flip open, but quickly calm yourself when you see Eddie jumping in and slamming the door shut.

“Get out of my car Eddie.”

“No, not until we talk,” he tells you, his body facing you and eyes boring into you. You know you have to be strong and talk things out with him. He’s been part of your life for so many years, but he also broke your heart when he called you by your sister’s name, essentially settling for you while still thinking about her.

“Spit it out then,” you say coldly. Your keep your eyes ahead of you looking out towards the hood of your car. You hear him sigh and the clanking of his chains as he shifts around a bit.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” he begins, letting out a sigh. “I know you probably hate me for what happened last week, and I’m sorry for the way things went down. I shouldn’t have had that much to drink and I shouldn’t have put your feelings on the line,” he tells you. His voice was soft and you felt as though it was sincere. You turn to him and look at his big, round, brown eyes, the ones that always left you in a puddle on the floor. 

“I could never hate you, Eddie,” you tell him simply. You watch the serious look on his face creep into a smile, his eyes gleaming at your words.

“Really? Good, because I was thinking-“

“I’m not done,” you tell him, holding your hand out to try to stop him. “Just because I don’t hate you, doesn’t mean I don’t hate what you did. Eddie…you really hurt me. The feelings I had for you, they were real and strong and clouded all my judgement most of the time. I thought I could handle you having a crush on my sister and pushing my own feelings aside in order to be your friend-your best friend. But when you said what you said last week, it broke me in ways I can barely fathom into coherent words. You called me Chrissy for crying out loud Eds,” you explain to him. You watch him nod and look to your floorboard, the look of shame and guilt you hadn’t seen much from him seeping into his features.

“Had?” He asks, quirking a brow at you.

“I’m sorry?” You question, confusion smeared across your face.

“You said the feelings you had for me. Do you not think of me that way anymore?” He asks, turning his body towards you once more and looking back into your eyes. You let out a soft sigh and shake your head.

“I don’t know. I’ve been in pain for a week and it’s given me a lot of time to think about the situation, how it all went down, and so many outcomes from how we can go on from this,” you tell him. You feel your eyes prick with tears and you swallow down a sob, the raw emotions coming from this conversation really hitting you. “I don’t think I can continue loving someone who doesn’t truly love me the way that I love them. Hell, I’m not even sure I can move past it and be friends.”

You watched Eddie’s face fall at your words, his eyes full of sadness and his jaw hanging open. He grabs your hands and holds them in his own.

“Y/N, please. I-I can’t lose you, I need you. Please just listen to me-“ he begins to say, but you’re quick to cut him off.

“Eddie, I’m sorry I can’t. Not right now. A-and I’m not sure when. But I do know I need you to get out of my car because I can’t take this anymore right now,” you explain, letting the tears race down your cheeks as you choke out the words to him. You’re breaking your own heart at this point, but it might be better this way.

Right?

“Y/N, please-“ he chokes out, tears of his own welling in his eyes.

“Eddie, please let me go.”

He slowly lets go of your hands and sits in the passenger seat for a moment, his head hung in defeat. You turn to look out the driver window, trying to muffle your sobs by putting your hands over your mouth and choking them back more. The passenger door opens once again and you feel the movement spread throughout the car, and the door closes softly. You watch as Eddie walks around to your side and hops in his van that was parked in the space beside you, starting his engine and speeding off down the road, not caring if he’d get pulled over or crash the damn thing.

You finally move your hands away from your mouth a grip your steering wheel as you let the cries escape the barrier that is your lips. Resting your forehead against the wheel, your whole body shakes as you let your true feelings out, screaming and tears streaming down your cheeks. No one ever said heartbreak was easy. Maybe it would for the best that Eddie wouldn’t be in your life anymore. Or maybe it wouldn’t.

[secretwriterpp]

Angel voice

Summary: Pedro Pascal x Reader. Karaoke night with friends.

***this is officially my first fic! I had this story in my mind for so long, I had to write it. I’m not even a good writer and English is my second language, so I’m sorry if it’s a tough read. No beta , I don’t know anyone who could help me with this , any volunteers ? ***

Warnings: RPF. Just friendships. A little flirting. I guess … two idiots falling in love.

For the last few months , you always walked hand in hand with your new bestie Sarah. The friendship was new, but it was intense. You met her on the set of an amazing indie film. She was the main character and you were the supporting one. It was a movie about a love story between two inspiring women. Loving Sarah on screen and in real life was easy, it felt like you knew her your whole life.

Tonight was no different, your hand into hers , you walked on the sidewalk together with some of her closest friends. Oscar and Elvira were walking behind you whispering sweet nothings to each other while Pedro was the leader of the pack , goofing around , pretending to be in an action movie , hiding from imaginary bad guys. The little group of friends kindly accepted you as the new member of their pack as soon as Sarah introduced you to them. Since you just recently moved to NYC, it was great to have people you could count on.

You were lost in your thoughts , feeling the warmth of the summer breeze on your face and bare shoulders. Only hearing the buzzing sounds of the city. You were having a hard time realizing how lucky you were to have them, to be exactly where you wanted to be with your acting career, you felt really emotional at that moment. Maybe it was the fatigue from the long days on set or maybe it was the effect of Sarah’s earlier questionable concoctions she called her special drinks , but you could cry. You were so lost in your own head that you jumped when you heard Elvira joyous exclamation.

- YEEEES! Come on guys! It’s been a hot minute since we humiliated ourselves properly!

You heard Pedro hum a barely perceptible « oh nooooo » while he formed a fake gun with his hand and pretended to shoot himself. You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at what Elvira was so excited about. You were pleased to see that is was a karaoke bar.

Only Sarah knew that you were a good singer. She called you her soft angel when you sang for her on set. Your favorite Pink Floyd songs were the soundtrack of your blooming friendship. Truth is , you tried to succeed as a singer/songwriter a few years ago, but it just didn’t happen. It was for the best though, now you knew it. After realizing you would probably never be a recording artist , you decided to focus on your acting career and it paid off.

When you entered the bar , it was very noisy, a mix of people singing and other simply screeching , people cheering and others having animated conversations. Elvira was fast to find you guys a place to sit. She knew she had to move fast so Pedro wouldn’t have a good reason to convince them to leave and escape his worst nightmare. It wasn’t a secret that he didn’t like Karaoke, he didn’t want to sing and he didn’t want other people to butchered all of his favorite songs . He mimicked his best suffering expression when the girl on stage started to sing sweet home Alabama with her shrieking voice.

You guys were seated in a big white U shaped bench wrapped around an oval table , perfect to accommodate your little group. You were squished between Sarah and Pedro who were having a deep conversation about the last movie they saw together. You were not complaining , being with them was so much fun and you had to admit that being so close to Pedro was not bad either. Since you met him, you had a little crush on him. Nothing serious, nothing you would tell him about , it was just a fun little game to flirt with him. And oh boy was he a flirt. The little smiles he did when you spoke about your recent projects, the way his eyes just lingered on your mouth, his hands touching your skin every chance he get, followed with a cute wink when your eyes would meet his. It was nothing your brain said , but the butterflies in your stomach made you wonder which body part of yours was right.

Nobody really paid attention to the people who were on stage , a few times, when the performer was not as bad , the girls and you would cheer and sing along. You don’t know how many drinks you guys were in when Elvira came around the table to talked to Pedro.

- So , what are you going to sing tonight Pedrito? Pedro lost his smile and rolled his eyes.

Sarah laughed : I really don’t know if Elvira really loves karaoke or if she just like seeing Pedro suffer!

Pedro: She hates me! She hates that her husband calls me his girlfriend , she’s jealous and that’s her way to get her revenge.

Elvira: Oh please P , not everything is about you!

Pedro did his most exaggerated shocked face: Excuse me! ?

Elvira : All I want to do is sing a sexy duet with MY husband. (Emphasis on the MY) She winked at Pedro

Oscar was already putting their name on the list , there was still a few people before it would be their turn. On his way back he grabbed a few shots for all of you.

Pedro turned to help Oscar with the shooter glasses: -Your wife sings like an half dead cat , I will need multiples of these.

Elvira punched Pedro on the arm while you and Sarah giggled at their imaginary love triangle.

Sarah: y/n should sing! She will change your mind about karaoke Pedro. She sings like an angel!

You blushed.

Oscar teased his friend : you should sing his favorite song!

Pedro immediately interrupted him, making no signs with his head and both his arms : oh no! No, no, no, no, no. Do not touch Prince. NO!

Sarah: I know! You should sing Dreams! You have the perfect voice for that song. Anyway, you can’t sing any Pink Floyd songs , those are just for me , plus this bar is not the vibe for that.

- Wow Sarah , are you flirting with me ? I have the voice to cover Stevie ? Please , no.

Even if you wanted to protest the song choice , it was too late. Elvira literally jumped out of her seat and was already adding your name to the list. It’s not that you didn’t want to sing , you loved it , but now the pressure was on. What if they didn’t like how you sing it ? What if Pedro didn’t like it ? The moment you met him, you needed him to like you. Was that how you felt with all your past “little crush”? Once again, you were lost in your spinning mind.

Sarah brought you back to earth : - don’t worry , your voice is magical. She thought you were worried about your skills.

For the next hour, you mostly had to listen to bad singers , it was almost torture sometimes. Fortunately, the alcool was smoothly flowing , making it all more bearable. Even Pedro looked like he was having fun. Every time he laughed he immediately clung to the person who made the joke. Resting his head on their shoulder, reaching out to hold their arm or squeeze their tight just above the knee. You couldn’t help and match his energy, every single thing he said that made you laugh you touched his skin. His wrist, his bicep, his neck. You were too far into your gin tonic consumption to care what people would think of it, what he would think of it.

It was finally Oscar and Elvira’s turn to sing. They chose to sing the Dirty Dancing hit “time of my life”

Pedro was exasperated : damn they are so annoyingly cheesy.

That they were , but it was so adorable at the same time. Their love was radiating on stage. Elvira was indeed a bad singer , half dead cat would not be your choice of words, you were too polite for that. Oscar could hold a note , but he kept messing the lyrics of the song, they both laughed in their microphones when they missed a word. You and Sarah cheered for them like it was the most crucial sport event.

———-–—————————————————

Pedro was genuinely having fun. The running gag was that he hated karaoke, he did , but seeing his friends having fun was way more important to him than his hatred of bad singing. Elvira and Oscar were doing their thing on stage and he was impressed by their lack of self awareness. They massacred that poor song. He cheered for them anyways. They ended their performance by doing a little spinning dance move , it was disgusting how much they loved each other.

Pedro could hear you ask Sarah: Seriously Sarah , this kind of love really exists ? Or is it just for them?

Pedro felt a sting in his heart. He wondered why you didn’t believe it could exist? Wondered if someone hurt you in the past. He wasn’t really a big believer in love with a capital L himself , he didn’t really do relationships, but it wasn’t okay with him that you would have this kind of thoughts, that you would feel that way too. It felt unfair. Since he met you, he felt very protective of you. You were so sweet and kind.

Sarah : I think it exists , but theirs is definitely one of a kind.

Elvira was skipping her way to your table , still on her adrenaline high.

-We slayed it!!! Didn’t we ?

-Pedro pointed his right ear : Sorry , I can’t hear you , my ears are bleeding.

Elvira raised her two middle fingers at him and mouthed a very felt “fuck you P”.

Oscar came to his wife defense: you were perfect my love , I’m the one who forgot entire parts of the song. Pedro is just jealous that I didn’t slow dance with him on stage.

Pedro touched your shoulder : hey y/n ! I think it’s your turn. He watched you get up of your seat and walk towards the stage. You looked relaxed and confident. Maybe she really is a good singer he thought or maybe she’s just too tipsy to be bothered by any of this.

He followed your every step. He didn’t realize before that moment how little you were wearing tonight. Just a tiny lilac summer dress. Your legs, shoulders , cleavage , all exposed under the intense stage lights. Your dress was way too short for you to stand close to the edge of the stage. You were not that drunk, he saw you take a few steps back when you realized some creeps in the front were more than happy to look up your dress. You nodded to the host and the song began to play in the loud room.

Dreams was one of his favorite songs. He was a huge Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks fan. Normally, he would dread the moment you would open your mouth to sign his favorite lyrics , but right now he was just curious. He was hypnotized by the way you swayed your hips to the beat. Those few seconds at the beginning of the song felt like minutes to him. Right before you parted your lips to sing your first note you looked at him and winked. He felt everything squeeze inside of him, like his heart stopped. He held his breath , hoping he wouldn’t have to lie to you later and pretend he liked your voice. He felt the urge to cover his ears to avoid to deal with that possibility. But then he heard you.

🎶 Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom

His body instinctively relaxed , but he had to listen more , just to be sure.

🎶 Well, who am I to keep you down?

The noise in the bar significantly went down.

🎶 It’s only right that you should play the way you feel it. But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness.

- No fucking way ! That’s all Oscar could say looking at Sarah with a surprised expression in his face. Elvira was already clapping hard for you.

- Told you guys , an angel.

🎶 Like a heartbeat, drives you mad

That was his favorite lyric in the song , his jaw dropped slightly. Your voice was soft and smooth. It was definitely different from the original singer but it was beautiful. By the time your were at the chorus he was completely lost in your voice. Feeling the beat passing through the speakers and vibrating straight into his chest. The bar was quiet, everyone dropped their beer to drink at your words instead.

~Maybe he likes karaoke he thought , nooooooo, maybe he likes you. ~

It felt like he was gone for so long when you sang the last words.

🎶 Oh oh oh , you’ll know ….

The crowd went crazy when you finished. And then suddenly his feeling flipped and it felt like he didn’t really have time to enjoy your performance , it went by too fast.

——————————————————-

You smiled at your audience and did a little bow before exiting the stage. You were overwhelmed by the crowd’s reaction. You focused on your group of friends , walking back towards them with the biggest smile on your face. You did it , they liked it.

Elvira was the first one jumping in your arms , she was so excited.

-OMG Baby, you should sing for a living , that was amazing . I feel like I should pay you right now.

You laughed, she was exaggerating , but you were grateful for the compliment. Oscar was next, bowing before you.

- I surrender at your talent , queen of karaoke. El and I will give you our crowns.

Sarah sang proud and loud : I TOLD YOU GUYS!!!

Pedro looked at you with his big brown eyes and his bright smile and pulled you close to hug you. He whispered in your ear

- you almost made me cry.

You stayed in his arms for a while, he held you tight, his chin on your head.

The night slowly came to an end, the conversations began to be more sparse and you all agreed that it it was time to go back to your respective apartment. You went to bed feeling proud and feeling loved. You fell asleep trying to remember how it felt to have his arms wrapped around you.

———————————————————

Pedro was lying in his bed , thinking about the night , about how he felt. What he felt wasn’t new to him, but it was something he didn’t feel for a long time. He didn’t let himself feel that way, he never let himself be in situation that could lead him to feeling that way. When did he let his guard down? That squishing feeling inside his stomach, he could not shake it off. He could not be in love ? It was just silly… He could not be in love just because you had the sweetest singing voice he ever heard ? That’s just stupid. He knew it wasn’t just that. Your hips, your lips, your skin, your eyes , your laugh, your smile.

- Fuck.

[somethingsomethingwords]

Ok so, here is another one. This is a little bit different from what I usually write or even like reading, but alas, sometimes an idea just enters your brain and just doesn't leave. Also this one has a title ig. So here it is. I hope you'll like it. Enjoy 💜

Of course I wanted you to stay

(but you didn't, no you didn't, no you didn't)

Lance was so full of adrenaline he almost dropped the mic. He was shaking from head to toe, but there was a huge grin on his face.

There was no sadness, because even if this was the last concert of the tour, it had been one of his best ones like, ever.

Also he was home, so he knew that after all the crazy partying he would do tonight, tomorrow he'd meet his sister, he'd go to that bakery that sells the best cupcakes, and he'd be able to roam the streets with his thick glasses and ugly beanie and scarf combos, and no one would recognise him.

But still, that's tomorrow. In that moment, there was the encore.

It was always different, so it was always special, but that day even more so. It was composed of three of his older songs, about pain and heartache and moving on despite the past, maybe in spite of it. He loved it very much. Because he was home, singing his first hits and he was ending one of the happiest and saddest tours of his life.

It had started great, new album, in love and energetic. Then he was left behind, alone and with nothing to show for it. Because it had to stay a secret. He had to keep his love secret. He had had no one to complain to, because the only people who knew would have been put in an uncomfortable situation, and he didn't want that. So he hid his hurt and did what he always did. He put it in his music. He sang his pain until the only hurt he could feel was the one in his throat.

It really had been a rollercoaster. But now it was the end, everything was better, and he wanted to send a last fuck you. He may have matured, but nothing would make him lose his pettiness.

So he sang.

Are you sorry like you weren't at the time?

Loving you was easy,

that's why it hurts now

The worst way to love somebody

is to watch them love somebody else

and it works out now

And sang.

Cause someone loved me,

someone fucking loved me

Someone fucking loved me,

I loved him too

Goddamn it, I was worth something,

I fuckin' earned something

I have a right to die, a right to live,

a right to choose, too. And God, no!

Of course I don't wanna feel better!

Can you fucking imagine?!

And sang.

Because, in the end,

you can see how much I loved you

from the fact that I'm fine now

It's a lie, but I say it anyhow

He put every single emotion into these songs, and finally let them go.

When the crowd roared, it all exploded.

He felt a solitary tear wet his face, but nothing could have stolen his smile. He waited for his band, then bowed and left the stage.

The night was young and he was feeling free and wild. And quite hungry, actually.

So he took his band to his favourite pub. They ate, and drank, and ate some more.

On the taxi towards his house, Lance realised that, no matter how much it had hurt, he didn't regret having what he had with Fernando.

Even the tears, even the heartbreak, they all shaped the person he was today.

He liked to think he was loyal, and dependable and kind. But most importantly, he liked to think he was better than the person he was yesterday.

His house appeared, and after paying and tipping the taxi driver, he opened the door.

Yeah, it was big and a little bit empty and a little bit cold. A little bit like his heart. But it was something to be proud of, because it was his, and he was working on it.

---

The next day he really started to rethink all of this rock star thing.

His head pounded with his heartbeat and his mouth tasted rancid.

He got up and drank some water, downing a couple of aspirins for his headache.

After the shower he felt somewhat normal, and decided to go out for breakfast.

He reached his favourite bakery and ordered two pastries to go. He wanted to retreat and lay warmly in front of the fireplace.

Lance noticed him as soon as he stepped out, but he decided to ignore him. His house wasn't that far, he could reach it quickly and without having to talk to him. For once, he wanted to thank whoever made him with long legs.

But even if he could go fast without running, so could the other.

They walked in silence, side by side, for a few minutes.

When the silence and the presence were getting to him, he abruptly stopped and turned towards the other man.

"What do you want?"

Fernando didn't deserve kindness nor gentleness. He forfeited those when he left Lance. Via text. Without explanation and blocking him immediately after.

Lance had spent too many days crying; now he wanted nothing to do with the man.

"Hello Lance. Was just around" he said, as if it explained why he was in Canada and not in England, in Monaco, hell even at home in Spain.

Lance huffed and started moving again, having had more than enough, but stopped when he felt a firm grip on his wrist.

He stared at the hand on his arm with wide eyes, before raising them to Nando's face.

"You have three seconds to either take your hand off or have it broken" he said shakily.

There must have been something in his voice that made the threat a real one, because suddenly he was free again.

"Lance, am sor..." Nando started.

"Shut up before I make you. We can't discuss here, someone could recognise you. Come to my house" surely not his finest moment, but all Lance could feel was fury. Still, he wasn't raising his voice, so he could consider it a win.

you are still protecting him, Este's voice said in his mind.

shut up, of course I am, but what else could he do?

They arrived at his house. He quickly opened the door and closed it when Fernando got in.

"You have no right to come here with your flimsy excuse and expect me to be ok with it. Now, tell me what you want and get the hell out of my house" there, simple and direct.

For a moment, Fernando seemed seriously sorry. But Lance didn't care. He was the one left behind, the one who had to pick up his pieces when he fell apart. He healed as best as he could, and he would not apologise for building up his defences.

"Lance, I am really sorry, for what's worth. I want to explain"

"You are a few months too late. At this point, I don't even know if I care. I only ever asked one thing, Alonso. One. I was ok with being kept a secret, and avoiding being seen together, and the distance. I only asked you to openly communicate and shit like that. You just left without a word" now that he had started, he couldn't seem to stop.

"You knew, I told you why I wanted that. Why I needed you to be honest and open, yet you just disappeared. I had to ask Este, who had to ask Mick. And for what. To be told that you had a new model girlfriend? So no, Alonso, I don't care anymore. It would just reopen old wounds. Now go, I'm sure you have somewhere else to be"

and someone else to be with, it wasn't said but both could hear it.

"That's not right. I have nowhere to go. Am alone, Lance" he said, something hurt and teary in his voice.

Lance was about to replicate, sharp words already on the tip of his tongue, when something in Nando's expression made him stop. His eyes showed how open he was being, how vulnerable.

Lance sighed, and led the man into the living room, making him sit on the couch, while he went into the kitchen and brought back two glasses of water. He would have preferred something stronger, but this felt too important of a moment to have it tainted by alcohol and not being in the right mind.

He sat on the opposite side of the couch, and waited for the other to start talking.

"First of all, am sorry, really. I knew it would hurt you, how I left you, but I did it anyway. And I know you have no reason to believe me or care. Am here because I believe you deserve the truth about everything"

He seemed honest, but Lance wouldn't trust him so easily, not again.

"What are you hoping for with your confession months later, mh? I'm not going to obediently come back to you, waiting to be heartbroken again. You're not gonna fuck me and leave, either. So, what do you want?" he was probably being unfair to the other man, but anger and confusion had never been a good mix of emotions for him.

"Lance, I would never..."

"Like you would never leave, Alonso? Don't make promises you can't keep and don't say things you don't mean" he interrupted, harsh and stubborn.

"You are right. I made promises and then I broke them and betrayed your trust. But I need you to know I had reasons. Not perfect, not good, but I had them" and goddamnit, Lance could feel himself beginning to soften.

just listen to him, said his conscience, suspiciously sounding like Mick.

"Would you care to explain them?" Was he being sarcastic or curious? He himself didn't know.

"Of course. Someone was starting to notice some...changes in me. I was happier, nicer, smiled more. Someone I don't like said something in a way I didn't like. Made me understand that he knew something was up, and would ruin me. So I decided that I needed to protect myself, to protect you. Left you because I couldn't see you. I knew I'm not strong enough to leave you if I saw you"

It all sounded logical, from a certain point of view, but Lance knew there was more, so he waited for the other to continue.

After a few seconds, Fernando raised his eyes, looking at Lance, before turning them down again.

"I didn't like the weakness. All the time, I was thinking about you, wanted you near. It was too much. So I thought I could just stay away, and forget about it"

about you, was left unsaid.

"And can you? Forget about it?" Lance not only wanted to know. He needed to, before going on with the conversation. He could feel his hands beginning to shake and his eyes starting to water, but he had to be sure.

Fernando immediately raised his eyes, and spoke with a tone determined and something like hope in his eyes.

"Of course I can't. I'm here right now, begging for a second chance" he said pleadingly.

"Then beg" Lance said, not meanly, but he also wasn't feeling particularly charitable, and it was better to make some things clear from the beginning: he wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes. He wasn't the young man staring at his teen crush, starry eyed and in love and grateful for every scrap of attention and affection. He was older, maybe a little bit more bitter, a little bit wiser. Fernando left some marks onto his heart, and he wasn't going to refresh them for nothing less than certainty.

"Lance, please give me another chance. I know I fucked up, was so wrong. I'm begging you, let me fix this. However long it takes, is ok. Just, tell me you'll think about forgiving me, and starting again" he was being so earnest, how could Lance resist?

"Even if I forgive you, and it's a big if, I'm not going to forget anytime soon, ok? I'll need time and space and for you to make an effort" he really was weak for this man, but who could blame him, he spent half his childhood idolizing him and then he met him and fell in love.

"Will do whatever it takes. But let me, please"

Realising all the air stuck in his lungs, Lance sighed.

"Ok"

He didn't even finish the word that Fernando picked him up and spun Lance around, making him laugh despite himself.

Fernando finally put him down, and took his hand to kiss it, maintaining the eye contact for a few seconds.

Lance could feel himself blushing, and quickly shook his head, still smiling.

After a few seconds of just getting reacquainted with one another, Fernando broke the silence.

"I liked the show yesterday. Especially the encore"

And now Lance was definitely blushing. His encore had been designed as a way of finally letting go, one last screw you to the man now in front of him. But he couldn't say that to him, even if it was pretty clear.

It would have been childish to throw shades at Fernando in one of his concerts, no?

"Yeah, I was inspired, I guess" his smile smaller but still there.

"Fuck the guy who made you suffer, the bastard" and in his jokingly way, Nando was telling him that he wasn't angry, and that they would be ok.

"Yeah, fuck him"

[nyxravessnow]

2023 Dramatical Murder Stage Flashback Report

Long time no see Tumblr!

I am finally back in Japan, and I am coming back with maybe a controversial post.

Back in 2019 I think I was the primary one on Tumblr talking about the stage play and I saw it twice live.

This time I managed to see it 5 times live and I have so many thoughts.

I have not seen the livestreams yet so these are all my thoughts based on seeing it live and on the Ren, Clear, Noiz, and Vitri routes which I saw. I will also not be putting in screenshots as I don't have any from the livestream.

Recast

Before I get into the report I just felt like I should deal with the recast I understand was hard for some people.

I just wanna put out a few thoughts i had on this.

No.1: Your feelings of being sad to not see Seiichan back are completely valid

No.2: Seiichan himself decided to step back and the fact that Nao was announced so soon shows that he was the understudy, and Seiichan knew about this. Therefore, Nao being there as an understudy allowed Seiichan to prioritize his health and not worry about the show his friends were so excited to return to was canceled and feel pressure to perform for them or fans.

No.3: Tsuchiya Naotake had less than a month to prepare everything for the character and yet developed such a deep and close bond with the cast, the character of Aoba, and the stage. He improved so much as the show continued and poured his heart and soul into this role. He respected the character that Seiichan set up for him and took care of the role very well.

I want to emphasize that Seiichan was not in this show and still made money from all the merchandise that had been prepared, however Nao had barely any merch, which is often the bulk of their pay for stages in Japan, and yet never once complained about the amount of work he was putting in. In the final show he even said that he has never once had negative thoughts about the show or thought it was to hard, he just loves it so much.

P.S. I am not saying Seiichan doesn't deserve to get money from merch, I am just pointing out that it is slightly unfair on Nao.

Tsuchiya Naotake

Since I've been talking about him, I will start my thoughts on the play by talking about the man playing the lead.

I will say that I liked Nao before this role in something else and was very excited to see him, however I feel like he still won me over as the show went on and I discovered trepidations about his performance I didn't know I had. I just want to highlight my thoughts by specifically talking about 3 shows that I saw.

Additionally, this is a bad situation that was not Nao's fault and this is probably the worst situation to get cast in your first main role but Nao never showed any negativity towards Aoba or the fans for this.

5/2 - Ren's Route

The first show I saw him in was Ren's route on the 2nd. I immediately knew he was very good for the role, but overall was not wowed by his performance. I think a big part of this was his chemistry with Shogo which I will get back to later.

5/5 - Clear’s Route

I could not have been more shocked by the difference only a couple of days made to Nao's performance. While on the 2nd he still seemed extremely nervous and to be holding himself back, on the 5th he was throwing himself as hard as he could into the role. My friend and I had spoken before the show about how we believed Seiichan had been better at screaming in Mink's SA scene in the first half and that night Nao performed that scene and put every ounce of himself into it. His chemistry with Yuuki was off the charts and when Yuuki (Clear) was giving him 100% of that Clear love he was giving it back 100%. Clear's route is also had bc it has 4 adlib sections for Aoba and Shogo (Ren) was being a bad senpai and not helping at all. His adlibs were so funny and really got Aoba. My favourite being 'I wonder what Clear’s face is gonna be like. Well, he has to be good looking as no one with an ass that good has a bad face.' Overall in this show he felt more relaxed and at ease with the show.

5/6 - Vitri Route

Nothing in heaven or earth could have prepared me for this route. I did ask my friend not to spoil me and I'm glad I went in blind but wow it went so much harder than I expected and Nao performed so incredibly. This route would be nothing without Nao's acting and the fact that it was so good is predominantly down to him. He was willing to go quite far to deliver a performance as game accurate as possible. His subtle changes from blank, to fear, to sadness, to anger, to pleasure were incredible to see and I was genuinely moved by his acting.

He gave himself freely to his costars and trusted in them to look after him and simply immersed himself in the performance which is difficult to do, especially for a show such as that.

I am so glad he got a route all of his own where he cannot be compared to anyone else as I feel this took the pressure off him and relaxed into it.

P.S. Also if you see any post show pics around curtain call of Nao looking blank they are most likely from Vitri route as in all the other curtain calls he was smiling so widely and was so happy, and the contrast with Vitri's was amazing.

He put his whole heart into this show, did so much research and loves this show and every character truly so much

He could have acted the exact same without the same love for the show and he still would have been excellent

But the amount of positive things he said about the other actors, characters, rehearsals, all the routes, and the play in general really showed a deep love and appreciation for the original and the fans. He even was constantly positive about the Vitri route, shocking even their actors, as he poured out his love for every single one in an effort to make the audience love it even a little bit more

He had to, rather quickly, learn a really difficult script and choreography (created for another actor with acrobatic talents that he did not possess prior to this show) And by the final shows there was no way you could have known any of that from just watching the show

Aoba is truly one of the hardest roles in not just 2.5D, not just Japanese theatre, but theatre in general bc you basically have to learn 6 separate scripts, hard dance and fight choreography, be on stage for like 2 hours straight and in every scene, do all of the sex scenes too

But this never once dampened his love or spirit.

In the first show for Noiz route, he forgot two of his lines and had a couple of seconds of silence before he remembered them and he was crying at curtain call.

He put so much pressure onto himself and delivered to us I think some of the best acting in 2.5D, especially from a relatively new actor

As a result of this role, it would not be an exaggeration to say he is among my favourite actors.

I also appreciate how, despite this being his first ever experience of anything BL (yaoi is a term used exclusively in the west), he approached it with 0 judgement to the genre or fans. He said he once believed it was a genre where men fell in love with men, but through dmmd has discovered it is rather about a love that gender is not dependent on, or someone you fall in love with that happens to be a man.

Also, he is an absolute Koujaku simp and it was so sweet to see his eyes glitter every time Koujaku did anything. (This made me want to see Koujaku's route so much as my friend said it was their best one and Nao even added an extra kiss in the final performance)

Whatever you think about Nao and the recast, he has now played Aoba for the same amount of time as Seiichan and has made the role as much his own as Seiichan did. Aoba belongs to Seiichan and he now belongs to Nao too.

Routes

I now want to finally give my thoughts on some of the routes and the show in general. The only order I have put them in is how much I have to say about them.

5/2-5/5-5/6-5/7-5/7 First Half, 'Mizuki's route'

Unofficially dubbed Mizuki's route by some of the cast, which is incorrect pls give us actual Mizuki route, the first half of the play is a simple improvement on the original. The group has different dynamics, acting choices are different, and there are parts I prefer with Nao and parts I prefer with Seiichan but overall as a show, it is an improvement on the original and the blocking and staging sees little change. Naoya (Mizuki) screams his heart after scrap and he is truly the mvp of the first half.

5/7 - Noiz's route

I will start with the show I have the least to say about. It was good! Nao and Rikiya (Noiz) have good chemistry and the show felt very true to the original. Personally Noiz and his route isn't for me and I think some of the jumps they make in the story can be a bit jarring but overall is very good. The hospital sex scene is still really weird in its choreography and I don't necessarily vibe with it. If you liked it before l, good bc it is exactly the same XD

5/2-5/7 - Ren's Route

I'm not gonna say too much about this route bc I don't want to be negative but I do think this is the worst route on stage, including Koujaku's and Mink's too from what I have heard about them. Nao and Shogo have fantastic chemistry...as brothers. They never give off the vibe of lovers and first day I saw the sex scene they barely looked at each other. Nao is a very reciprocal actor and it was clear that there were not really any romantic sparks flying from either side for the route. This is the only route I will say, and ever say, that I wish we'd had Seiichan instead of Nao for. Shogo felt like he was holding himself back with Nao and, with how well he knows Seiichan, I can't see him doing that with him. Whenever not with Ren, Nao was excellent but I was left wanting a bit more from their dynamic.

5/5 - Clear’s Route

This was beautiful and heartbreaking in all the right ways. On the final night of Clear’s Route, Yuuki poured every single ounce of love he has for Clear into the role and Nao answered this in kind. During their final sex scene there was not a dry eye around me.

Yuuki delivered the cutest Clear but also showed how mature Clear could be when speaking to his brothers or Toue. Despite not having much to work with as Toue not having an official actor to play off, Yuuki screamed, shouted, and showed us the human heart that Clear has. His kindness, his love, and his maturity.

Like I said above Nao's adlibs during Clear’s various dressing scenes were also very amusing, and it contrasted well with the heartbreaking moments in Clear’s Route.

5/6 - Vitri's route

So, where to begin. I do want to say, in my very personal opinion, this route would have been very different either Seiichan and I don't know that he would have been comfortable with going as far as Nao did for parts. This is purely speculation and is not meant to demean Seiichan as an actor. It is a hard thing to do and we are not owed him feeling comfortable with it.

Sections that are covered in this route are:

- Beginning of Ren's route

- Aoba abduction

- Introduction of Aoba in Vitri's house

- Shower scene

- How Vitri became fans of Aoba

- Picking a hand

- Virus' room

- The box

- Trip's room

- Being taken from the box and back to Virus' room

- Vitri past

- Vitri and Aoba scene

- Ending with Aoba's situation after half a year with them

We did also get to see them talking to Mizuki about Dry Juice and Morphine but I cannot remember where this slotted in.

Whereas other routes had 2-3 min sex scenes, Vitri route had 3 seperate scenes, not including force feeding, all about 2-3 mins.

It was weirdly moving(?) to watch? Nao's acting was just phenomenal and was incredible to see three completely different sides to Aoba. Modern Aoba, past Aoba, and Vitri route Aoba, within a short span of time and acted so differently.

Also, Nao's dancing without a shirt on to Masculine Devil is something that has to be witnessed.

I love how before the curtain call for every show Nao was smiling ear to ear in every route as he looked at the character Aoba had fallen for, but in Vitri, he removed all expression from his face and just looked empty.

There was a lot of hilarity about the fact that when the dancing starts Aoba is just lying on the ground as everyone claps their hands and waves their ringlights.

Overall

If you are thinking of which one to buy, this is my ranking of the ones I've seen:

- Vitri (mainly for Nao's acting) 9/10

- Clear 8.5/10

- Noiz 7/10

- Ren 6.5/10

This show was a fantastic Rerun that showcased many actors improvements from the years they've been away and an amazing performance from a new Aoba.

I can only hope that we get another stage soon and get to see more of these actors and characters.

Let me know if you have any questions or what me to expand on anything!

[inbarfink]

OOC Discourse is always a complicated topic, cause on one hand it IS reductive to go like... there ARE instances where the fans have a better grasp on a character than the actual canon writers do. Especially when you consider bigger creative projects with multiple writers, and especially especially the long-running ones where the original creators are basically uninvolved and everything ‘canon’ that’s being made right now is basically copyrighter-holders-approved-fanfiction. And even in the smaller-scale projects, sometimes the creator writes in something kinda OOC for the sake of pacing or plot or a stupid joke, or maybe they’re just not very good at it and they fucked up. There are cases where fan complaints about canon-material being ‘OOC’ is valid and should be considered.

But on the other hand, there are far too many fans who throw in the “OOC” claim when, like, canon just happens to contradict their favorite not-actually-textually-supported-headcanon, or contradict a version of the character that has kinda mutated through a fandom-wide game of Telephone. Or just like, refusing to engage with the idea that the character might contain more than the surface-level we were initially introduced to, or that people might react Differently in Different Situations, or that Character Development is a thing. And I feel like the folks who are complaining that the Deltarune “The Newest Girl Girl” blogpost is “OOC” for Kris, Susie and Noelle are really a case of the second thing?

Like, first things first, trying to authoritatively label anything Kris does as “OOC” is, in my humble opinion, aboslutely friggin’ clownshoes right now. Kris is the most enigmatic character in Deltarune’s main cast. Because we’re controlling them, we can only can only infer what they are like from the glimpses of their true personality and behavior slipping in through the cracks and from stories told to us by their friends and family. There’s a lot of cool interpetation and analysis work done by the Fandom about Kris’ personality from the little info we have and a lot of it is well-reasoned and well-argued-for but... 

When we get one of the first canon scenes descriptions featuring a (probably?) not posessed Kris, and their behavior in some way happens contradict your Kris Interpetation? I think the correct reaction is less “this so OOC” as much as “hmmm, maybe I need to reconsider some things in my personal interpetation of the characrter?” We’re still in the early stages of the process of assembling the puzzle pieces of Kris’ personality, this is not really the time where we can throw away pieces cause we think they won’t fit?

And Noelle, she felt very consistent with her character so far to me? We already know that freezing up during scary situations is a problem for her - her inability to actually stand up against jerks was, like, her whole character arc in the second chapter. Mostly the focus was about how folks kept overriding her desires and forcing her to do things, but there’s also an undercurrent to how it’s stopping her from meaningfully defending her friends. Espacially when you consider her dynamic with Berdly and his dynamic with Susie and Kris... Honestly, if she behaved better through that whole encounter that could have somewhat diminished the importance of her Big Moment in the climax of Chapter 2. 

And as for Susie.... Yeah, right now we all love and appreciate Susie as the most Wholesome Delta Warrior and the bestest friend of them all - but you remember what happened in Chapter 1, right? She did start out as a bully. She slammed Kris against a locker, threathened to eat their face, constantly insulted them and then spent a good chunk of the Chapter just beating up everyone and everything in the Dark World. These actions stand in contrast to the sweeter side that she shows later on in the game, but it doesn’t negate them or negate the idea that she might’ve done more stuff like that before.

I think you can argue that what Susie did in the blogpost is worse than what she did in Chapter 1, just in the sense that “your mother WILL abandon you and will be happier without you!” is crueler in a much more personal way than “I will eat your face”. But not really in the sense of “Susie would have NEVER said something like this!” as much as “what would prompt Susie to say something like that?” Was she going through a praticularly rough time after moving into Hometown, causing her to take out her own frustrations and insecurities on Kris much more than later on? Was this a spesifically Bad Day? Did... whatever Kris told her in reply really shook her emotionally that much? Did she end up regretting her words and deeds on some level and started mellowing out even before Chapter 1 start? There are a lot of interesting possibilities!

I guess that’s what frustrates me the most about a knee-jerk “OOC Writing” reaction for every time a character catches the fandom off-guard. A sort of refusal to really engage with the text and it’s implication for the characters before you just chuck the text in the grabage. I think this is very much supposed to be a ‘how far they’ve come’ sort of thingie, contrasting the characters as they existed in this blog pre-character development with the better-adujsted post-Dark World Adventure versions we experienced in the game. We’re supposed to to feel some sort of emotional vertigo from how Noelle, Susie and Kris interact here to how they interact by the end of Chapter 2 - but that’s not because of Bad Writing, just cause these kids are changing and growing!

[ohbo-ohno]

hello! i love your writing and your goap x captive reader is god-tier, i felt SO seen when you mentioned how much you love the trope of groveling man begging for forgiveness (especially when the Big Wrong of having kidnapped you is still hanging in the air i love tension and problems!!!)

out of interest in taking that to the max, what would happen if reader’s captivity ended up taking away something no promises from the boys could make up for/restore? like in the earlier days after a few months the reader somehow figures out her mom had passed from an aggressive cancer and that being locked down/cut off from her loved ones for her “adjustment period” had robbed her of the ability to be there for her/something else equally unbrushoffable even to them.

i haven’t been eating this good in yeeeeeeeeeeears thank you for your service! - 🫡

i read literally anything people say has a grovel. could be 500+ pages and i will read for that scene. they're soooo fucking good. have read so many bad books because of this but also a few reallyyyy good ones so who am i to complain? i am, however, terrible at writing them lmfao so forgive me

im not gonna use the mom example because honestly, now sure you could come back from that? im like super close with my mom and i would never be able to get past that, and reader isn't me but i just don't think i could figure out how to write that - sorry!! but if they made you cut contact with your friends and you then missed a wedding/birth, or missed an event you'd been really excited for, i could see that being something they'd have to do some groveling for!

the thing with these two is that they will take absolutely any opportunity you present to legitimize your relationship in your mind. any argument that's not centered around your captivity is something they're going to solve without punishments and without further bringing up your captivity, yk?

this argument is kind of centered around being kidnapped - you missed x because you were kidnapped - but like... for my sake let's pretend you've reached the stage of totally ignoring the fact that you're being held against your will and have started pretending you're just in a really fucking odd relationship. so when you complain about having to miss the event because "they made you" instead of "they kept you locked to a bolt in the floor" they're like... fantastic opportunity

a lot of the ways they usually make you feel better aren't really things you like - or at least aren't things you'll admit you like. so when they grovel for this it's groveling. doing things you love, gifts you like for you - not lingerie to wear for them or toys to use with them - that they know you want, taking you out somewhere to try and make up for it, fuck they might even start planning a trip to somewhere they know you want to go (with meticulous planning to keep you from getting away too, of course)

johnny's groveling would be just an overload of affection. he'll apologize over and over and over again even if he doesn't mean it, kneels in front of you and rests his chin on your stomach to stare up at you with those big puppy dog eyes :( literally begs for your forgiveness. hate him

simon is a little more subtle about it. he won't apologize because he doesn't feel bad, but he will shower you with gifts. drops things in your lap or in front of you at random intervals of the day, sometimes grunts "you still angry?" right after. if the answer is yes, he'll just keeps getting you more things

the sex is extremely good during this little period. you have more orgasms than you thought possible lol

eventually you get over it, and you're certain they've learned their lesson for this type of thing <3

[yellowloid]

my experience at am's show (accor arena, paris, first night - 09/05/2023)

SOOOOOOO since a lot of people have done this and i want to write down as many things as i can about the concert so that i don't forget them i've decided to make this post and keep in mind i'm writing this running on four hours of sleep and a cappuccino BUT i'm currently sitting in a very pretty parisian café, chilling and waiting for my train and it's all very aesthetic i feel like the main character of a chick-flick movie. also drowning in post-concert depression but that's another story

so now that we've set the mood let's get to the actual writing bc this post isn't gonna make itself and i still have ~five hours of waiting to do and a whole lot of things to say so let's go

(also disclaimer: this is gonna be very rambly i'm so sorry i'm just emotional)

• so we got to the arena at around 6:30pm bc we had assigned seats, and entrance was a whole lot less chaotic than i'd expected (which was good) +  basically the place was almost empty bc it was so early, it really only started to fill up later and it was REALLY full only by the time inhaler was halfway through their set

• can't say anything about inhaler bc i know exactly zero (0) of their songs but i think they were nice and i actually feel like diving into their music a bit now bc some songs were pretty good

• and then once inhaler was done it was showtime!!!!!!!! i felt like i could DIE!!!!!!!!

• the moment they went up on stage i felt literal butterflies......... i just couldn't believe they were real, in the flesh, like they're ACTUALLY real they exist they're REAL!!!!! and we were breathing the same air and i was just so fucking mindblown by that concept i was fr having a moment

• setlist was the usual, i didn't get cornerstone NOR perfect sense (some of my all time am favourites.......) and tbh i still haven't forgiven them (HIM) for that like wtf boys. wtf. i get why they would decide not to play perfect sense but why wouldn't they play cornerstone LITERALLY a fan favourite and a classic smh (jk i forgive them but only bc they're cute 😔)

• also i got star treatment sooooo i mean i can't really complain can i. absolute magical experience, that song

• another thing about the setlist: they kept playing little melodies in between songs and i kept getting FOOLED bc every time it felt like they were going to debut a new song (hello you......jet skis........) but no i was just clowning real hard

• fo example at some point they played this random melody and i was like wtf and then they did nothing with it and just played high so yeah they were being sooo silly and goofy (i wanted to bite them)

• also the crowd was so ???? idek how to describe it bc during some songs they were so hyped (not only the most popular ones from am or 505; they even did a mosh pit during pretty visitors which was......okay i guess not really a song to mosh to but you do you paris keep speaking your truth). but then they were so dead during the car songs.... some girls next to us literally used mirrorball and big ideas to fucking sit down and have a break and that was so offensive tbvfh. meanwhile i was there vibing and singing along to the angsty car tunes and i genuinely was like "why am i the only one that's popping my fucking pussy rn". literally this

• diwk and sculptures are THE most powerful songs ever like hearing them live is a cathartic experience fr. diwk bc of how iconic it is, sculptures bc it's just so unique and they're so fucking powerful my ass was literally shaking. sculptures as an opener after the "countdown" intro they do is just The Right Choice TM like it just makes so much sense. it was born to be an absolutely epic opener and we love to see that. and well, diwk is a classic for a reason. the whole arena lost their shit when they hit the first notes, the floor was TREMBLING it was crazy

• the arabella fuckup moment was still so !!!!!!!! when he screamed FUCK bc he messed up the lyrics i honestly didn't even realise it was a mistake at first lmao considering just a couple of days earlier there was the "but it just doesn't fucking matter" moment or whatever he said during that part (i think it was one of the german shows? or amsterdam? idk i don't remember sjfhwhs). the point is, sometimes he's just silly and changes random lyrics and it all happened so fast one could have easily believed it was on purpose nsjcnennc but that just tells you how good they are. if you're able to make even a mistake sound so good and iconic then you're just so !!!!!!!!! yknow.

• also i heard people saying he was annoyed, a bit like during one of the amsterdam gigs, mostly bc of the arabella fuckup. but that's?? so not true?? like yeah he sounded super frustrated during that bit and his yelled FUCK is proof and rewatching that moment i feel so bad for him i wanna give him a hug </3, but for the rest of the night he was in a normal mood. pretty chill if you ask me

• apart from THE star treatment moment....... someone already mentioned it here but YEAH after the song ended he just went and whispered "it's the star treatment............" with the lowest saddest most heartbroken voice and i swear i heard my heart crack and crumble in a million pieces

• (btw yes he once again opened star treatment with "i just wanted a jet ski for the moat")

• he also sounded a bit sad and lost in his own thoughts during the closing part of iwby which reminded me of the same moment at lowlands 2022 and yes my heart broke once again

• but for the rest he was in a pretty standard mood!!! not overly chatty (when is he ever jskfke), didn't interact with the crowd that much but that's routine. just your regular banter: "what a night" "what a wonderful/splendid [can't remember???] night" and then before either pretty visitors or dancefloor he introduced the song like "it's [name of the song]... get down......GET DOWN" and that was just sooooo silly. in case it wasn't clear i was foaming at the mouth the whole time

• then during dancefloor he went "dirty dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness....AAAAAAAA"

• also he didn't really interact with the others members apart from asking the crowd to give it up for matt (cute bffs <3) and then at some point (i think during body paint) him and jamie were doing their thing. scissoring with their guitars

• after he was done scissoring with jamie he also went and hopped on matt's platform and then went towards nick too but didn't do anything lmao. i was hoping for the usual hand-around-shoulder action but no. okay you do you king

• at some point either nick or jamie fucked up a note and it was so audible and he gave them one of his Iconic Glares TM IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY

• btw he didn't speak that much french, i was expecting much more - i'd even say he spoke less french than he did at other french gigs over the years which ???? okay lmao. he just said basic stuff, yknow, the usual "bonsoir paris", "merci", and then at some point he said "incroyable" with, i must admit, a pretty good pronunciation. tbh it was so cute and yes my heart did a lil !!!!! yeah why do you ask

• also he sounded EXACTLY like he does in recordings and studio versions which is INSANE. he has such a wide vocal capacity and his voice is sososoSO powerful, at its best fr. he sounded so damn good and perfect and he's so fucking talented and i might sob bc who gave him the fucking right

• but at the same time i see why people were saying they thought his voice sounded a bit higher - he has moments when you can hear the "ghost" of his younger voice and it's honestly so cute

• but overall it's just crazy and remarkable how much he sounds like the studio versions. there's literally no difference. none at all. he's just THAT fucking good

• and the others too they were so !!!!! honorable mention to matt bc the way that man drums is absolutely mesmerising

• and then well..... can't really ignore the elephant in the room can we. they're all so insanely attractive it's not even funny they looked so good and alex was GLOWING. i was in awe. he has such a powerful aura - commanding and serious yet with a lightness and gentleness to him that you just can't help but stare at him the whole time. he's so charming and fascinating and ARGH literally breathtaking. hypnotising. never getting over him

• long story short when they finished he was sending big smiles and kisses at the whole crowd and the screaming and applause just kept going and going and and and. the whole concert went by so fast it was so intense and i couldn't believe it was already over

• i didn't want to go i didn't want to leave i never wanted to leave i wanted to stay there and do it all over again

• so now it's been two days since the show and hours since i started drafting this post.... and i'm already back home and i MISS THEM SO MUCH. i missed them from the very moment they disappeared backstage and the post-concert depression is so real i literally feel like i left a piece of my heart in paris. i miss them i miss HIM sososo much 💔

• i'm so sorry i'm being such a dramatic bitch but that's just who i am 😔✊️

• overall the whole experience felt like a fucking fever dream and i still can't believe it really happened. it was so magical and special and they were so perfect and ugh i just really fucking love them. i love them so much and i'm so grateful i got to see them and experience first-hand something so beautiful. i didn't sob during the show (tbh i thought i would) but i might do it now bc i'm feeling so nostalgic and emotional and </3 i'm a mess i love them so much there's nothing else i can say it's just That. simply that <3

i think i'll post some pics/videos but not many bc you can hear me screaming and singing my heart out + i was shaking + mostly it looks like i recorded using a potato so skckwjcej but yeah expect me to post something. idk what but definitely something

that's about it for now, but i'll try to add more things if i remember something else along the way!! 💖

[i-restuff]

a personal Mario movie review from yours truly.

ok, so, I'm very natural over Mario franchise. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. so this review is mainly from someone who is there only for the animation (also for Jack Black ofc). cool? cool. alright.

spoilers below

I'm going to be super upfront with the "good stuff", and sorta detailed with the "meh stuff". mostly because the good stuff is very self-explanatory while for the negative ones I feel like at least I should give a little bit of reason why I feel that way.

good stuff

I love the world-building, everything is very well-detailed and the environment is insanely rich

character designs? love it. they look absolutely alive and expressive

the casting. I think they're all really good???? I personally think Chris Pratt is alright too ig? I mean I kinda don't care, I was distracted with everything else in the movie. but he's fine.

Jack Black. nuff said.

I love Toad. I love Peach. DK. BROWSER??? everyone's very likable damn.

I'm obsessed with the 3d models ngl. there are times when I was focused more on the models than I was on the story. It's really distracting in a good way.

Storywise, I think it's decent but also fun!

love love love the dynamic between Mario and Luigi. Peak dynamic, really.

Such a nostalgia trip. I for one who doesn't know much about Mario had such a blast listening to all the soundtracks and looking at the itsy bitsy references and such.

obsessed with Lumalee. let em die :(

/////////////

the credit animation is super colorful I wish I could eat it.

^ I was watching this with a friend who is obsessed with Mario. there are times when he went absolutely insane and explained some stuff that I didn't know. which I think it's cool! it's crazy how there are literally easter eggs and fan service everywhere, it doesn't feel forced too. I really could see why people love it so much.

meh stuff

ok, imma be honest. I'm just gonna complained about the plot holes here,, It didn't really effect the story, but it did confuse me a bunch of times. again, this is coming from someone who doesn't know much about Mario. I might miss some stuff.

the transition when Mario/Luigi got teleported from Brooklyn to the Mushroom Kingdom. like, why? what's so special about that specific pipe?

also before that. why's Brooklyn drowning all of a sudden lmaoo. that part kinda felt forced just so Mario and Luigi had a reason to go below the sewer. it sorta makes sense I guess? but the pacing is pretty dang weird.

how does Peach know her own kind? "you're a human!". she was a literal baby when she first got to the Mushroom Kingdom

I love love love Toad character. I just don't understand his presence? I mean sure, he's bringing the comedy, but you could find the "comedy" elsewhere too. so his character is a bit useless despite him being the protector. long story short, the movie would be fine with or without him < this is how much his character matters imo.

the pacing after Mario agreed to fight with DK and then suddenly he's on the stage. tbf this isn't really a big deal? but the transition kinda bugged me.

I don't know what exactly they wanted to do with Mario and Peach relationship. do they like each other romantically? it doesn't feel like it despite being teased a few times.

my dude Luigi has to sit in the cage for how long now? kinda suck. I wanna know more about him, I wanna see him more in action.

that being said. I wish they did more with Luigi, give him something to develop on. because seeing him fighting Browser doesn't feel as rewarding as how we see Mario. all he did most of the time was get caught and sit in a cage while Mario had to go through all those bullshit. but I get it though. storytelling wise, Luigi is supposedly Mario's goal. to get him back and all that. I get that.

I can't feel sad for Mario for some reason??? (this has nothing to do with Cris Pratt btw). his supposedly "emotional" scenes didn't impact me at all. in fact, I felt awkward. I honestly don't know why though.

the final fight scene is also awkward? I mean it's cool, don't get me wrong. I think it has to do with where they're fighting? I guess imma blame Brooklyn for this.

the 80's pop songs felt out of place, but maybe that's just me.

personal rating? 7.

but I genuinely get why people love this movie.

[moooxy]

The Other Woman

Pairing: Eddie x f!Reader

Synopsis: you decide to reflect on your relationship with the infamous Eddie Munson. [angst]

Word Count: 1k

AN: wrote this when i was sad and tired so apologies if there are any dumb mistakes

I could cry at the way she was looking at me. Bright eyes, enough to illuminate my whole mood - she tended to do that. I often find myself staring at myself in the mirror after spending time with her; I stare at myself in disgust of this sunny, slushy, new person she’s molded me into.

She smiled with her eyes. Of course, with her lips too, but god her eyes were fucking breath-taking. She complained about the colour of them, how they weren’t as special as I made them out to be. She doesn’t see what I see. I know she’s the same as me, she stares into the mirror wondering ‘what does this boy see in me?’ - I see euphoria, I see my future.

Our first date was when I first took her to stargaze. I feared she’d be one of those girls who talk solely about the Big Dipper or whatever the fuck is in the sky. But no, she barely looked at the stars because she was looking at me. Whenever I turned my head, she’d pretend to be looking into the sky - but I felt her eyes on me. I remember catching her out, licking my lips as a distraction and then turning to look at her. My heart soared at the proof of my suspicions. I’d taken a girl out to stargaze and she spent the whole time looking at me, admiring me. I confronted her about it, and she didn’t even deny it. That’s when I knew, I did it; I found someone truly amazing.

I love the way she’d pout at the slightest inconvenience, she wasn’t even aware that she was doing it. I love the way her eyes would always give away her true feelings, when she’d frown but there’d be a twinkle of mischief deep in there. I love the way she loved me, free of embarrassment and shame.

I wish I had called her more; her giggles over the phone always made my stomach erupt in butterflies.

I hated the way she’d expose my care-free façade, the way she took advantage of my soft spot for her.

Our last date was her idea, actually. She took me to a field, set up a picnic, fed me strawberries. My fingers were on her, I just couldn’t bear the thought of having to restrain myself. I didn’t touch her in a sexual way, it was more of a compulsive way. Without me knowing, she’d become my anchor.

That smile again. It’s always in my head, it’s presence is significant, it’s my stimulant. It pops up whenever I feel like bunking class, she wants me to pass and graduate with her. When I light a cigarette, it emerges. When I feel miserable, it arises.

I’m just really sorry, I’m really really fucking sorry. I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I’d really like you to take me back.

I missed Eddie. Judging from his impeccable reading skills he has admitted to in this letter, he can probably see my ache for him. He doesn’t know I experience that night every time I fall asleep, every night without fail.

Corroded Coffin was headlining at a gig - how could I miss that? Without a second thought, I cancelled my plans on Saturday night with Nancy Wheeler and instantly started to think about what I’d wear. Maybe one of his jackets? Should I wear… fishnets? Ripped tights? I didn’t know how people dressed to attend a metal gig - and none of my friends would have experience in that genre. Maybe I could just dress normally, but throw on some dark eyeliner. I made myself chuckle at my own hopelessness.

Saturday night approached very quickly. I kissed Eddie goodbye and goodluck in the morning, knowing I’d be surprising him during his gig - his first gig as a headlining act. I wore the sundress I had on a few days ago at our picnic date, finished off with one of Eddie’s leather jackets. I always told him he could make a pretty penny if he sold some of them.

“And this next song goes to my girlfriend in the crowd,” Eddie speaks into the microphone. But, there’s no eyes on me. All eyes are on a pretty little blonde thing close to the stage, where my boyfriend looks down at her with the most admiring gaze I’ve seen him hold.

Every single gig he’d been dedicating each guitar solo to her, the guitar solos he played for me at home. To say I felt my heart drop to the floor, shatter on impact and stick to my feet as I trudged over it would be an understatement.

I don't wait for him to spot me, I’m out of that disgusting bar in an instant. God, I wanted to cry that night - I mean, I did cry, but I wanted to cry harder. So hard that it was inhumanly possible to cry that fiercely.

That night - I know this sounds really dramatic - but I felt like I was dying. You know how people say they saw their life flash before their eyes? It was sort of like that, every memory I spent with Eddie whizzed in my head. It dug me deeper into the pit of gloom I was buried in, every memory served as a shovel of dirt being chucked on to me… until I could barely breathe. I had my first panic attack.

When he came back home to our trailer that night, I let him hold me for the last time ever.

He didn’t take the confrontation well. He was hurt, so hurt - which he had no right to be. He was getting so emotional at losing his girlfriend, to the point where I could see he was about to become berating. I didn’t let it happen. I saved him from years worth of regret by leaving before he had the opportunity to guilt himself. I remember looking in my mothers mirror, thinking ‘how did I let a boy like Eddie break my heart?’

I spent that entire night in my mothers arms, sobbing. The only thought that crossed my mind was our first date, where I remember judging him. I was looking at him the whole time because I was contemplating if I was really about to date this boy, this troublemaker who could potentially ruin my life. He caught me staring, so I pretended to admire him.

Once I fully committed to dating this boy, I fell hard. I loved him hard, it seems he didn’t reciprocate. There was always an aspect of embarrassment I felt for dating Eddie, but it was clouded by my stupid, reckless love I felt towards him.

[eurovision-del]

I have just got back to my hotel from the second semi-final! I had such a great time, it was an incredible show!! Before I get into it I have to say that I absolutely loved nearly every act tonight, everything was so much more powerful and resonant seeing it live, with several songs I’d cared less for before completely winning me over! I’m so so glad I was able to be there. However, I still have some opinions on who did and didn’t qualify:

Qualifiers:

Albania: I really enjoyed this one – it was within my top 10 of the semi pre-show and definitely stayed that way seeing it live. The only issue I’d had with live performances before were the differences in performance between Albina and her family – no idea how it looked on the TV, but from a distance in the arena it wasn’t an issue before, everyone sounded great. I was glad to see it go through!

Cyprus: I expected this, just based on Australia and Greece voting in the semi. I enjoyed it a lot more live than I have before but it wasn’t enough to overtake any other song for me, and while I really respect Andrew’s vocals, I could have done without this one.

Estonia: Alika definitely created a moment in the arena! Deserved to go through on vocal power alone honestly. While Bridges isn’t quite my thing as ballads go, they very much have their place in the contest, and it’s great to see this complete disprove the idea that ballads are only there for juries, by going through from a relatively unfavourable draw on televote power alone.

Belgium: Gustaph was incredible! He is such a ray of sunshine and it came across so strongly – a lot of acts would use the transition to get on stage and get prepared, completely understandably, but he was waving at the crowd, really engaging with us, getting everyone excited! The song is so catchy and I hope it does well in the final!

Austria: I only had two certain qualifiers in this semi, and Who the Hell is Edgar? was one of them, so this was not a surprise at all! Both Teya and Salena sounded good and the entire show looked great from where I was. Hearing everyone chanting along ‘Poe Poe Poe’ was one of the absolute highlights of the night.

Lithuania: The friend I went with is a huge Lithuania fan, so I was overjoyed on her behalf to see Monika qualify! We were both screaming when they were announced! Very personally, the song still isn’t really my thing, but I cannot complain about this result!

Poland: My one big disappointment on the night was seeing this qualify, even though I was pretty sure it was going to happen. The song is catchy and a lot of people like this sort of summery pop, so I do understand it, but for me this was the one song that I wasn’t too impressed by live. It’s absolutely nothing to do with the national final drama, nothing to do with vocals anymore, I just straight up don’t enjoy this as a song, so personally I wish something else had taken Poland’s place.

Australia: My other never in doubt, but I was still so relieved when they finally got called! I loved everything about it, in the same way everyone chanted along with Austria, everyone was singing the ‘oh-oh’s and it was another really powerful moment. Right now, this is set to be my favourite rock song in the final!

Armenia: I got chills seeing this performed – the visuals with the flashing lights were stunning and Brunette sounded fantastic, so I was glad to see it qualify.

Slovenia: I actually got really nervous at the end! I knew Romania and San Marino were never going to make it in a million years, so that left Slovenia as my big favourite of the ones left to be called! The relief I felt when they made it! Honestly this was another fantastic one live, the band were so good with the crowd, and they were another act who did a lot for the crowd even when the cameras were off them, which I really appreciated.

Non-Qualifiers:

Denmark: This actually surprised me, I thought he stood a good chance of going through. I thought Reiley did well from where I was, but I have no idea how it played on screen – it looked like the camera stayed in his face an awful not, probably trying to go for something intimate so I’ve no idea whether that worked or not.  

Romania: He was never going to qualify. The staging was messy, the change to the acoustic opening wrecked the flow of the song, there were far technically superior rock songs in this semi, and it was also performing third. Every single thing was stacked against this one, honestly from the very start with the lack of support TVR gave Theodor. However, even knowing this would be the result I can’t help but feel a little sad, I truly love this song (or at least the original version), and I was so glad I could be there to cheer it on.

Iceland: For me this was always borderline, and since some songs have to fail to qualify, this is a result I can accept. I do feel for Diljá, she was as energetic as ever, she really seemed to give it her all, but in the end it just wasn’t enough.

Greece: I feel bad for Victor, he gave it his all and it was clear he really cared, but all things considered I do think this not making it was the correct result. It was nothing to do with Victor, he sounded great, but the staging given to him just didn’t work at all, the visuals with his face at the start were uncomfortable and it didn’t get much better swapping to multiple Victors. None of it suited the song.

Georgia: I’m actually gutted for Georgia not breaking their non-qualification streak. Iru was easily one of the strongest vocalists of the night, she blew me away with it, and I liked the atmosphere the staging created. However, my issues with the lyrics of the song remain, so I can accept this even if it’s a little disappointing.

San Marino: Similar feeling to Romania – personally I love the song, even more so because I’m one of those people who loves to root for the underdog, but I knew it didn’t stand a chance. It was a lot more polished than D.G.T in every aspect, and the vocal was on point as ever, but weighed up against all the other entries this result makes sense. I’m just really glad to have discovered a new band I enjoy!

It was definitely a far more interesting voting sequence than Tuesday’s as far as I’m concerned! Unlike there, where by the end I was certain Norway would be called so lost all investment, I was anxious right up until the final second! I’m still buzzing from the show, I think I’m going to be riding this excitement all the way through to Saturday and beyond! I can’t wait to see what happens in the final!

[crystalclear97]

I WAS AT STAGE WITH PARAMORE 💜

Wow. I can't believe I'm writing this. Here I go.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and I'm writing this at the airport on my phone without thinking too much. So, sorry if I mess up with the grammar or something 🙏 (by the time I'm uploading it I'm already at home cause I wanted to add some pictures).

I made this account very recently because I was embarassed about fangirling too much at my main blogs where irl people followed me.

I dedicated this account mostly to aruani (snk) fandom but you've probably realized that I also share a lot Paramore stuff.

Well, I wasn't planning on ending anonymity anytime soon but... something BIG happened to me.

Last thursday I was able to go to my first Paramore show ever at Dublin. I've been dreaming about it for so many years. I've watched so many videos of fans going up stage at Misery Business and I've cried so many times watching them. I travelled from Spain, wrote in a huge sign "I crave to sing with you", arrived at queue at 8:15 am aprox, and waited (I had General Acces tickets!). The amazing Tom gave us some numbered wristbands so we could leave the queue and stay warm and healthy without losing our spot. He was the sweetest. Meanwhile I took a walk around, lucky enough to meet Brian Robert Jones and take a pic with him!!! Around 4 pm we were back at the queue and, yes, I was able to be at the same spot. ❤️

The second I entered the arena and realized how close I was to the stage I started ugly crying hahahaha. Rozi Plain was so sweet, Bloc Party was awesome (I really like them as well!!). And then they came out. At that moment I wasn't even crying anymore, I think I was disassociating a bit 🤣

They were amazing. Hayley is so talented, pretty and fun. THE ENERGY. I was holding up my sign maybe for too long and I could hear some people complaining about it behind me, which I totally understand... I felt so bad I started crying about it so I decided to not hold it up again until Misery Business :_) But soon the guilty tears turned into emotional tears, and I cried a lot during most of the show. I was SO EMOTIONAL during Last Hope... 🥺

AND THEN

Misery Business starts. Time to make Hayley spot me 🙏 Omg my stomach hurts while writing this... SHE. PICKED. ME. SHE FUCKING PICKED ME. I didn't realized, my boyfriend literally had to tell me because I was so nervous I didn't realized. Ok I think I'm going to cry again hahahaha.

She said she had been watching and knew exactly that it was going to be me. I can't believe it. At that moment I was so euphoric that I just went with the flow. Obviously I'd been preparing myself for this but you need to know I'm a very socially akward person, I have many anxiety issues, but IDK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME BUT I'M VERY PROUD OF MYSELF 😭😭😭 Hayley hugged me very hard, I told her I love her and thanked her a billion times. She is very tiny and I'm a big tall person but she PET MY HEAD 😭😭😭❤️ I can't believe she was so sweet!!!! I did it, I sang the song, I danced with Hayley, she said my name, we headbanged together... an amazing dream come true. I asked her to sign my (diy grow up) jacket and SHE DID IT!!! I was told to left very quickly (obviously 🤣) but she managed to sign it for me on time 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I also brought a marker in my pocket on purpose). I mean I WAS SO READY FOR IT 😭❤️

After that people were AMAZINGLY NICE TO ME. THANK YOU ALL WITH ALL MY HEART. It means the world to me that the other fans felt happy for me, so many people congratulated my, you are in my heart FOREVER. I felt kinda bad because I'm from Spain and I started thinking that maybe I didn't deserve it, that it should have been anyone from Dublin... I find it very difficult to feel worthy of all the goods things that happen to me, and to hear so many fans telling so many nice things, hugging me, even asking for pictures... You really made a difference in me. I'm crying. I wish I could share with you the feeling. THANK YOU DUBLIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! ❤️

This has changed my life forever. I also met Louise from Bloc Party after the show and she was LOVELY, eveything about that night has inspired me forever. I've been dreaming about making music by myself since I was a little child and just started to actually make it (kinda 🤣) a few months ago. But now... I feel so blessed and inspired I'm gonna try harder from now on.

MY WILDEST DREAMS CAME TRUE. Thank you Hayley for choosing me, thank you Paramore for changing my life, thank you Dublin for the unforgettable experience, thanks to the lovely fans I met there, and THANKS TO MY AMAZING BOYFRIEND for being there with my ALWAYS by my side. He knew it was going to be me. He fucking knew. I'm so grateful. I've been crying since that night. I'm crying right now and I'll never stop crying about this. This is a once in a lifetime experience, I am the luckiest person. A picture could not contain the way it feels.

WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOU AND WE ARE PARAMORE. ❤️

Pics by Eleanor (check out her work omg):

Pics by Charlie:

Pic by Laura:

13/04/23

[jklovesfandoms]

Ik it's been a bit, but I swear on the Bachelor Man Bible, I have good reason. I am sick.

Anyways Uranium Suite/Tragic Fact choreo analysis! (Ps, I am slightly biased, I used this choreo for a movement project in my Advanced Actor's Studio class.)

First of all, Constance with that speed talking off a note card? Literally amazing and hilarious, and very realistic. I love it!

The choir snapping! Very funny, very cool. Especially bc people don't start at the same time, so it's even more realistic! Also, the realistic choir movements! Just the snapping and more rhythmic movements in the 2013 production is (imo) even more realistic than the more show choir movement of Fall Fair Suite.

Mischa sounds literally so uninterested, and I love him for that. Also A MARCHING BAND? I'm in marching band, and oh Jesus Christ on a bike, what are they doing with their hands? /lh

It's not actually a big deal, I'm just a huge marching band nerd, only a little less than I am a theater nerd, so I'm very picky. But also, there's no way that marching band sounds good. Uranium City is literally tiny, literally nothing, and they go on to complain about it! Like NO! That marching band would be microscopic. Nothing, nada. They could possibly sound good, but they'd be running on the bare minimum there.

I love the reaching out towards the side of the choir! Probably implying that Jane has a solo, and is performing with them, despite not being on stage atm. Which makes you question even more, how was she not identified? But yk, theory for another day.

I love the choir snapping out of their reach-out, bc it looks like this intense moment of realization. Like, they look so confused! It's really cool, how much emotion every single member is expressing. Also it should be noted, I love Karnak in this show, he's a funky little man with a long ass beard, and I adore him.

I love them looking at each other at the synchronized beat! Even if Noel is being left out :(

Then, every member of the choir (even if you can only see Ocean clearly) just staring out into the audience as they sing about their town going down the drain, essentially. The stillness of the actors works so well for this. You feel like it's a single moment in time that you're observing in slow motion! (Ps, this is basically where I started my movement piece, and my class literally rambled to me afterwards about how amazing the stillness hit at the beginning)

"We will never leave this town at ALL" and then the group head turn to the slow, intercrossing walk, and the hit of suddenly being stuck in that position! Literally amazing, and I love it. Mischa fr just be standing there like "yep, am stronk"

"Our folks, it seems, were too entwined, stubborn, wouldn't change their mind. Hoping bust might turn right back to boom" I love how Ocean, Mischa, and Ricky, the three people possibly most isolated from the town, due to extremely different circumstances, are the three facing the audience. Noel and Constance are staring directly at Ocean, and that's just so cool, bc they're the two who are on opposite sides of each other. Constance, Ocean's bff, and Noel, Ocean's enemy, are the two looking at her, in at least some display of concern. I think it's neat, lol.

"Crossed their fingers, prayed for luck, bowed down to this mighty buck, waiting in this godforsaken tomb" just the pure anxiety on every single members face! Really shows how they must've felt in their final moments. Constance shows the least amount of worry, but that makes a lot of sense, because of Sugar Cloud. I also love how the entire choir stops their movement at tomb. You can also hear a slight clicking in the background, which almost sounds like the track of a rollercoaster, bringing the train up to the top of a drop! I think that's also very neat.

LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE MEMBER'S MOVEMENT DURING "empty people, empty mind. Living like they're killing time, a dead-end town against a dead-end wall" IT'S SO AWESOME!!! I LOVE ALL OF THEIR MOVEMENTS, AND HOW IT REPRESENTS THEIR CHARACTERS.

Also, combining that with the very mechanical movement of "There's nothing cute and nothing sweet, this town has only one main street, let me face my boredom at the mall" which, unlike a lot of things in this musical, where I compare their mechanic movements to the rollercoaster, this is one where I don't. The choir walking here, imo, shows how repetitive life was in Uranium City. How everything felt meshed together, and that you were living the same day over and over and over again. Their next move of reaching out, and then going around in a circle continues to represent that! As well as the loop in the coaster, but that's just a constant theme in this show, lol.

Also, then Ocean leading the choir for "so what do we do to fill our day" "make plans for the getaway!" Is so important. Because literally at least 2 other people (Noel and Mischa, unless their characters changed very very drastically, since I haven't been able to find a full show of this production yet) are longing to get out of Uranium! Also Ricky, reaching for the stars as a getaway? I love that character bit.

Then the choir just complaining and lamenting about how boring, and repeating Uranium City is! How the most fun thing is the choir, and then dying (represented by "build yourself a funeral pyre, so many stimulating things to do") LIKE THAT'S IT and the movement represents that with the precision, and the quickness between movements. That's it. You're born, you sing (and maybe play bingo), you work, and then you die. That's life in Uranium City Saskatchewan Canada, so everyone wants to get out. They don't want that, even if that's exactly what they got in the end.

EVERYONE WORKS AT THE MALL! Literally everyone moves back to the coaster position using a movement that represents a job at the mall. Like, omfg. THAT'S IT. There's nothing else to do. And they continue to represent that unpassing of time with the movement. I adore it. (Off topic, I'm so tempted to make my senior quote "How can I describe my hate? It's one year till I graduate" but I probably won't)

THEM GETTING FLUNG OFF THE ROLLERCOASTER AS IT CRASHES? OMG I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA

Anyways, that's all! Hope you enjoyed :)

[magicallymalted]

Planning a school-wide event just before the Christmas holiday? What was she thinking? If it all fell through, it wouldn't just be herself that she would be letting down, and she wasn't sure she could take that.

"No."

"But—"

"You're not going to be able to convince me, Van."

It was a rare and unusual sight to see Gwendolyn Montague so frazzled. The girl with the untamable hair and a golden disposition had been stressing over the showcase for weeks, planning and going over every little detail multiple times in order to ensure that everything was perfect. Gone was her sunny attitude as the storm clouds began to set in while she felt like she was at her wits end.

Were there going to be enough empty rooms? Were all of the submissions in? Where would everything go? How would they even get people to come? Every free evening that Gwen devoted to the club was spent asking these questions and trying to come up with a suitable answer in time.

And beyond that, as the day of the event drew closer, the bigger challenge became coordinating all of her people, and Gwen started to feel herself teeter between the urge to micromanage and the desperation to just hope everything fell into place. Yet in that moment as she swept through the music classroom and ensured all of the students' pieces were displayed according, all she hoped was that Vanille Sparks and Ethan Warshaw would stop trailing behind at her heels. Was it really too much to ask for them just to hang posters?

"We just think that it would be better if we could perform in a bigger—"

"—I'm not suggesting to the headmaster that we put you in the Quidditch Pitch for your performance, Warsh." Gwen sighed as she transfigured some spare quills into a stretch of garland. "You'll just have to make do with what you've got."

"Gwen-Doll, pretty please?" Vanille urged, twirling her pinky around the end of the garland as she bundled the posters in her hand into a cone. "It won't even be that cold and who cares if they freeze their asses off for half an hour when we've got a killer set! What's the big deal anyway? You're being so uncool right now."

And that's when she snapped.

"Oh no, I'm being uncool Vanille? Well guess what— it's either the Great Hall or nothing, and even getting that much was a stretch so listen here," Gwen huffed. "The band—and I mean the whole band— is going to be in the Great Hall at 7:45 pm sharp for checks on the 16th and you are going to perform, on that stage, as intended. No surprises, no last minute changes or drama, and if I hear you or Warsh complain one more time about the size of the space, you can take your Devil's snare and shove it right up your arse!!!!"

The rest of the students hanging their work around the room turned to glance around at the commotion and Gwen felt a little burst of guilt as she saw the stunned looks on the band's faces. "No....no, I'm sorry, that came out strong," she sighed. "It's just not going to happen, loves."

"It's alright, we'll make do," Ethan gave an uneasy look toward Vanille and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her away before she could say anything further. "Don't worry, Gwen! It's gonna be great."

She certainly hoped so.

[7abwis]

ok time for my book journaling, yes spoilers included. this time for the Long Way to a Small Angry Plxnet by Becky Chxmbers

i personally really enjoyed it - s/o to zoe for reccing it to me. it’s one of those that’s very introspective about the human condition even if done through alien means. one of the biggest themes of the book is being good and loving one another is a choice, and one that’s worth it, and y’know im a sucker for that. it gives you that perspective through the eyes of many and the different ways people stick to that. and it also offers you different perspectives on many other different things that we wouldn’t think twice about.

like sissix and the whole aandrisks not getting attached at all to the babies bc so many of them die, and the babies and children not seen as people. and it’s interesting to see her perspective vs the perspective of the human crew who would obviously reflect our views, and how it’s even stated most of the GC doesn’t fall in line with that. and then sissix hits you with the well yeah why would i love something that barely has any thoughts when i could give all my love to someone with full fledged experiences with friends and family who love them and all. and in the context of a fictional reptilian alien species who, like many reptilian species, very few of them survive into adulthood, you get where she’s coming from - or you don’t - regardless it’s your choice, but obviously in an irl human context that's called You’re A Horrible Fucking Parent. but it’s interesting to rotate in a fictional space with her as an adaptation to how her species works, especially since once visiting her home planet you know the children are likely well taken care of and how aandrisks have a lot of care and love for each other (culturally speaking. barring things like what happened to the old lady at the market who was a metaphor for communities ostracizing aneurotypical people). and you know sissix herself throughout the book as a very loving person but that was just one example - and it was interesting to see other examples throughout the book of taking specific things that are just How We As People Work, turning it on it’s head and recontextualizing it within this scifi world with so many aliens with so many different ways of working. makes you think about how humans work and why we do as we do - both condemnation for our wars and violence and appreciation for all the good things we can do. and neutrality for some of the things we do too that just Are. though granted funny some things like the “humans are so modest with all their clothes!” taken as a universal human thing which is just a part of the author’s own biases (not a dig at them, biases will always exist and they stated their worldbuilding for humans as a hodgepodge of cultures stitched together after a mass loss of human culture and knowledge through a planet-extinction event caused by a more advanced stage of what’s happening today) just yknow as someone who some of my ancestors didn’t wear a lot of clothes, and because there’s so many people who don’t adhere to wxstern chrxstian standards of modesty, it’s funny to read as an absolute. found out a lot of people complained about the lack of buildup and payoff, and personally im not mad about that. felt very much like a you’re along for the ride and the journey’s what you’re here for more than the destination. i enjoyed every step of the worldbuilding and the interpersonal relationships of the characters, and that’s what made it worthwhile to me. feels like;;; i guess the closest thing i can attribute it to is how the studio ghibli movies like my neighbor totoro are. it’s not the typical plot of buildup climax, build down or whatever the actual words for it are, but the ride is wonderful nonetheless. rather than the Big Events happening in story and being given a lot of time, you’re more walked through in the aftermath about how the characters feel about it and how it’s affected them going forward, and i liked that. it’s fresh. also was in the library grinning like a madman that chapter when rosemary got that alien pussy bc it was _so_ funny going through sissix’s pov bc she had to actively think to try to parse out rosemary’s advances. like god that whole bit where sissix was like ?? ok something’s different??? she’s dressing in slightly different clothes and her neckline is a lot lower i guess??? and she’s looking at me in a way she doesn’t usually??? ohhHH!!!! OH!!!! let me make sure you’re into this and we’re on the same page actually bc i know how you guys work and i want to make sure you’re ok.... OK YEAH LETS GO. it was so fucking funny. one thing that i found interesting and would have liked a little more indepth for was corbin’s deal after basically violating ohan’s bodily autonomy and separating him from the whisperer. without the indepthness it’s fine bc it’s hinted that corbin dealt with a lot of ostracization afterwards and in the end it seemed like ohan and corbin were implied to have formed a friendship or at least continuously talked in a way that neither of them did before, but i would have liked to seen how the author went about a bit more of it - especially bc it’s such an interesting scenario of of course you should never violate someone’s bodily autonomy but this is in a completely fictional scifi setting where this species of super monkey people are infected with some virus that gives them super knowledge but also are maybe driven to think the virus is its own sentient species that is much akin to a holy being, and this virus drives them to an early death which corbin was trying to save ohan from. wild but at the very least i think fitting for the crewmembers with the least screentime and with the least social personalities. but at the same time i will admit, leaving it less detailed is fitting for it bc it’s such a gray situation to begin with, and leaving so many details unspoken lends to that scenario. also funny in the last bits when rosemary was saying all that shit in the meeting room with the temeri there i was like bitch!!! i thought you read those emails that were sent to you!!!! those bitches can hear you!!!!!! granted there might have been an ‘unread’ in the file somewhere there but idr. but interesting that rosemary’s introduction started with her begging not to fuck this up this time, the themes of her having been inexperienced but having growned and learned, and then at the end her carelessness (or just the timing that she didn’t get to read the email) did jumpstart something that killed one of their crew. but at the end of the day it wasn’t her fault and none of them will know, bc it was strictly that one temeri dude’s fault for being Like That and if it wasn’t then it would’ve been some other time. but all you can think in the book is it happened, and there’s no going back, and all they can do is move forward bc it just truly wasn’t her fault for someone else’s violence. but anyways, good book, once i get through my queue i’ll look into the second one.