#some people love seeing her broken
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If I see one more big blog on tumblr spreading this āsheās still mourningā YB shit I will literally log off for 27 business days š
#some people love seeing her broken#apparently they love it so much that they ignore the obvious#itās so ridiculous
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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you
#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot#of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality#friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers#more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso#he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap#the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth#bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel#how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter#how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do#very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly#and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips#(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner#about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a#knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends#we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said#jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes#i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting
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it is literally not about legality, if youāre in your late 30s literally what are you hitting up 21 y/os for. Donāt you have investments to make.
#Astonishing number of people will jump on the ābut itās technically legal!ā defence#But will not answer my question of whyyyyyy. If your date sounds like PTA night and you need to parent your girlfriend#you have an age gap! And! You are the lamest loser on earth; that is fact; hope this helps!!#(Okay. Lowkey? I shouldnāt be thinking about this STILL. Given itās been like a MONTH since#But I feel a lil let down and betrayed and I think Iām still kinda processing thatā¦ but I#I confided in my bestestest friend that an older man was creeping on me. And I expected her to have my back 100%#And idkā I think sheās just had worse experiences with men and has a higher tolerance to bad behaviour than I an asexual person do#But her response was along the lines of āyouāre an adult; thereās no problem with it really;#canāt blame him for shooting his shot; itās not really a weird age gapā#And worst of allā āmaybe he just has an age kink; maybe he gets off on you being youngerā#I have to say. I donāt care. The point is that I discouraged it several times and was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it#I feel like in that situation the thing to do is side with me especially when Iām telling you all this.#And like. Sigh i donāt know. I still love her with all my heart but itās feeling a lil awkward rn#Iām still thinking about that and obviously I donāt want it to ruin the best friendship Iāve ever had#But itās feeling a little forced right now. I expected her to have my back and for some reason her brushing this aside did make me#Feel completely invalidated and like I should just stop feeling weirded out and man up and discourage this man in wordsā#When the thing is there was NEVER any hint of interest. I donāt feel like I should have to dignify his behaviour in terms of interest or#Attraction. Because! I just donāt think you should be that forward with strangers repeatedly!! and if I think thatās weird then Iām sorry i#It wonāt work with me! I donāt like it! I think thatās grounds enough to stop oh my god.#Iāll be seeing my bestie in a couple of weeks. Flying all the way out to England for her. I donāt want this to be awkwardā¦#but something in me is just a lil heartbroken. Like I feel the girlcode was broken. Weāve always told each other#Not to let men affect our self worth or alter our boundaries. I feel like that was violated.#(ik she said that bc her bf at the time was 30 but like. Listen to my individual situation no? This one wasnāt about you I came for advice)#Rant
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The most beautiful thing in the entire Trolls franchise will always be Branch's character in the first movie when he wanted Poppy to understand that life isn't as perfect as she thinks but when she got betrayed and hurt and lost all hope he did everything to make her happy again because he wanted her to understand the pain but not experience it because she didn't deserve that and he didn't think that others have to suffer because he did.
#i know so many people who would look at her crying and say your problems are not that bad mine were worse she literally thought her kingdom#will be cooked alive#she got betrayed by a person she trusted and for whom she risked her life#she learned that some people never change#and no one knew what to do#but branch knew he had to heal her emotional damage first and let her know that he's there for her#so many people would tell her i told you so lol i was right you were wrong at least now you understand but he knew that she deserves better#because she didn't mean any harm#and because it's not her fault that he suffered#this is so important to show#because so many people want others to suffer too just because they did#so many people want to see optimists with broken spirits because life is bad#yes it is but don't hurt innocent person for something that has happened to you years ago#the writers understood the assignment#the writers fucking understood the assignment#and she loves him so much for it#trolls movie#trolls 2016#trolls branch#branch#Poppy#trolls poppy#trolls band together#trolls world tour#trolls holiday in harmony#trolls holiday#Broppy
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Come take... this... hand... at twi... lightās... door... Iāll meet...Ā you... there Weāll share the moonlit floor through the driving rain ā
#bsd fyodor#bsd#bsd fyodor dostoyevsky#bsd fyodor dostoevky#bsd fanart#bungou stray dogs fyodor#bungou stray dogs fyodor dostoevsky#after I read Kat's fanfic that I requested... the one I gave her Siouxsie and The Banshees's 'Lands End' lyrics for...#I found myself suddnely drawing this#only for my pleasure and further character exploration#and now that he returned so beautifully in the manga - it feels natural to share this with you my dear souls#I'm referring especially to my time-blog transcending mutuals - yeah perhaps you will be happy to see the no-fanart promise broken#at least from time to time#but really I've been at much more peace now that I don't engage with the fandom that much anymore#I'm only open to character analysis topics on this blog and put other stuff aside#I'm glad that from time to time people discover my fanarts buried in who knows how many reblogs on other blogs and#they add sweet tags or lose their minds there - I love it#but as for me... I'll use some Depeche Mode lyrics for this---#'oh leave me here forevermore - I found the peace I've been searching for'#ah but I guess the Angel of Love is still upon me -#'I was lost.. I was found!'
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#been thinking about the placement of the showdown between belos and the hexsquad happening in ep 1 instead of anywhere else#mainly for lunter reasons if that is ever not obvious#(aka for a lunter endgame it makes more sense to have the ending of TTT happen in the last episode because Stakes)#(hunter actually dies and flapjack's sacrifice is the conclusion of the evelyn/caleb backstory)#(and it's pretty hard to work hunter or anyone from the hexsquad into the final showdown otherwise)#this is where the show shoots itself in the foot by having luz and hunter's relationship be on like tier C of importance#because it IS emotionally charged to see belos exerting that kind of power into the kid he groomed one last time#it IS emotionally charged to see luz wrestle with her determination to defeat belos and her love for hunter#it IS emotionally charged to know that someone will die here and it may be one of the kids#whereas the battle at the end of WAD is barely a battle and just meant to be the bow on top of luz's development#if luz and hunter's relationship had been more central to the show then hunter facing belos is a given AND a good narrative choice#who else gets to kill belos but the person created in the likeness of the one that made belos reach such lows to begin with?#or at the very least have the other people close to luz have some history with belos or something#eda couldn't care less about belos. same for king. and don't even get me started on amity...............#this is just a hexsquad problem btw like what is willow's bearing in this. the track system works wonders for her#in theory her life with belos as emperor is as good as it will ever be#same thing with gus#it's just hunter! that's the important piece there!#this show is just. broken. it truly refuses to bring up any of the actually interesting characters#sorry this rambling doesn't have a point besides 'toh is dumb sometimes' which is a thing i often say anyways#but man...... besides luz's resolution there's nothing to the ending. nothing.
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#one time my mom told me that she hoped that judas iscariot did repent before he died. she has this deep deep desire#that everyone who thinks they're beyond hope can understand and reach for God's love and mercy before it's too late#which some people could probably interpret as wishful thinking#re: judas and what is traditionally believed of him. as well as the people who reject the Gospel very energetically#but after seeing her grandfather and father (adamant atheists who ridiculed her for her faith) believe in and accept Jesus as their#saviour right before both of them passed away i think she has so much love for people who think they're beyond forgiveness#anyway she mentioned it once and she nearly cried because the idea of someone being in that much despair and guilt hurt her a lot#she's a teacher who's currently dealing with the fallout of a recent suicide that's been affecting her students#and a mother and aunt. and someone who was and is mentoring broken-hearted kids who can't see light in their life#she imagined what kind of welcome judas might have in heaven if he repented before he died and what kind#anyway i don't know what the point of this post was but i still think of this
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like Shiv's mean sometimes and emotionally stunted and that's basically it She's a cheater but he was fine with possibly cheating and it was only when he thought she'd do it too that he was like no so like sorry I don't really feel bad about that part. And then there's the 'I don't love you' thing and that's it! she didn't send him to prison!!! he got himself into trouble, he could've exposed it and he did not and then he offered himself and she was like strategically that'd be good and then he was hurt that she didn't save him He keeps saying he loves her and that he cares throughout the first seasons and people just buy that fully and think Shiv doesn't when she's the one who shows it through actions! and like I get up until beginning of s4 Tom not knowing that but whenever I read people who watch the show saying she doesn't love her or that it was only Shiv hurting him until the betrayal I get so mad
#he cut her out he did!!#succession#anti tom wambsgans#bc i'm in my feelings#I did think he loved her in the same that she does him aka not really but yes#like she cares! he's her person but there's an element of interest which for shiv is about control and for tom's about getting power from#the family#(overly simplifying )#but after s4 I'm like I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE#also rewatching tomshiv clear the air and would like some shiv x tom's mom content. I think she should fuck tom's mom#to be clear I understand tom up until first few chapters of s4 not KNOWING that shiv cares because all her actions are done without telling#him about it. she doesn't tell him she said 'just not tom' etc#but after logan's death?? after their argument? after seeing her schedule grief??? I. cannot make sense in my head of tom being kind to her#in that scene and others like telling her she's broken#as the same PERSON#it reminds me of the whole empathy roman thing where he can be so mean and then nice like with kerry in the funeral but I fully understand#roman there I don't have a problem fitting those two in the same character but with Tom I have such trouble doing it#shiv roy#clarification i'm not an i'm just tagging with anti so that people who like tom & tomshiv don't have to see my post
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i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.
#thebirdspeaks#ive been trying to make a coherent post about Berserk and specifically the duality of Casca and Guts as victims post eclipse#because there are issues but also it resonates so well with me regardless#i cant word it pretty but i think its something about Casca and Guts both being victims and responding in opposite ways#and because they are so tightly linked you can almost see them as one victim experiencing the duality of victimhood#as an internal struggle made into two separate people#i flip flop between who i relate to more in relation to my own trauma#and there is plenty to criticize with the writing choices around Casca dont get me wrong#but as much as people criticize her mind breaking and turning into a shell of herself that needs constant help as something entirely negati#i sure as fuck was not given that space and care to be broken#its very nuanced but i think so few people write victims sympathetically that as much as turning into a mess can appear overdone#being cared for and given space and help and being allowed to be a burden is a powerful thing#and i find the expectation to be strong in the face of what you went though is much more common and damaging to me#anyway as many issues as i have i think Casca being allowed to be a victim as much a she was is why i love Berserk so much and while i thin#it could be better if some things were changed#but im not sure if it would have hit as hard and meant as much to me when i was wobbling between mindless rage and want for revenge#and just being broken and tired and weak and scared#reading Guts protect Casca like he did#showed me that that part of me could protect and is better off channeling the mindless rage into protecting whats important to me and what#needs it#letting me demand protection and love and sympathy for my weakest self in my darkest hours#i know im far from objective & my opinions are not universal#but the fact Casca is allowed to be a victim so fully and not just a hashtag girlboss who struggles her way out#well i wouldn't call Guts a girlboss but actually i think that's why it worked.#because between the two they cover the two ends of the common depictions of victimhood: forced to stay strong and allowed to be weak#anyway im about to hit tag limit i love you f you read this far and if you think this is horseshit then please don't say#if you think im right and sexy about it pile the love on meee<3
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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#i think one of the things that i really enjoy being on here is the majority of us stuck around tumblr and didnt migrate#because we genuinely just love shooting the shit about her and her songs and her mythology#creating content and engaging in (sometimes) good hearted debates#and the one good thing is most people on here are at least 8/10+ year fans of hers so you're talking to people who#deeply appreciate her as an artist and a public figure#and aren't looking for attention really and in fact would loathe her return to the platform because#this atmosphere is really nice when it's this and it's mostly nice cuz she's not here#(for the most part like OBVIOUSLY some brain diseases never leave people just cuz she left and we all avoid you people)#but i think my favorite part is that this environment allows me to easily find people who are the true two feet on the ground people like m#who are ok talking about her as the business woman that she is. shrewd and calculating and#how that's not a value judgement or a character judgement. this is her JOB and it requires certain mental and emotional relationships#that she doesn't want fans to be aware of but they are the reality and duh they're hidden BECAUSE that would ruin the way the#entire machine functions like i know i know#but i didn't realize how far and few swifites who can enjoy her and see her for what she is and appreciate WHY that is are and not be#personally offended like thank god she's not here cuz idk how i would have found those people#also i'm over the moon she's (temporarily at least) done with the M&G shit cuz the wars that would have broken out between the#new tiktok fans and the tumblr old guard...... i would have perhaps left this platform entirely#i couldn't take it during rep and that was just about whether or not you deserved to be a FAN because of an album concept#swifties at their worst and most cult like loyalty that never turned me off swiftie fandom faster#and now that there is a HUGE divide.... i already know who taylor would choose for m&gs and i know WHY and it's not like evil#but the effect it would have on legacy fans....... there would be never a worse time in swiftie history so thank GOD for this#so i can keep blogging about my hot wife and her top tier songwriting and my love of pattern recognition#IN PEACE#idk what this was all about but i just like had to brain dump i guess anyway love all of you my smart normal grown up friends on here
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wtf @ the new csm chapter
#ooogh a few of my predictions came true. was not fucking expecting the amputation though what the fuck. also fumiko kill yourself#'nothing short of a war will compromise this facility' OOOOOOOOOOGGGHHHHHH BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK THAT WAS SO HOT#asayoru please save my sson........ tho in doing so theyre gonna find out that csm is denji so... rip#wonder if they even know csm is there (maybe fami told them?) and/or theyre just going there to#release all the devils they have captive there#to cause chaos#and denji/csm is just an added bonus. if you wanna call it that. what if they go in expecting chainsaw man#and they just see a broken denji on the hospital bed. what then.#cc#denji#csm#.txt#also........ please reze be here please please please#i think shes held captive here and then gets released by asayoru along with denji and whatever other nonsense theyre gonna let free#cuz i doubt she'd agree to have been working with public safety. i doubt she'd go to the chainsaw man church either.#so i think post part 1 she probably went rogue but maybe she was captured before she could escape#i mean there are some people thinking thats not asayoru at the end but reze. i see you and i hear you. i am still betting on asayoru tho.#feel free to clown on me if im wrong tho. i just think reze is being held at public safety like denji is. if they could even get to her#also i love yoshida he is so different from when we first met him hes so resigned and just. dead.#like contrast this scene with the last time he had denji captured. he was all smug back then but now hes just so resigned and defeated
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I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.
Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.
So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.
And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so š¤·š»āāļø I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.
#winters ramblings#todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him#great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality#sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four??#the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken#while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either#like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting#not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring#also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together#gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING#but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it#back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me#the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing#and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them#and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto#tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld#described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages?#not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life#REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too#like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves
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tumblr users are all āi love feral women!!!!ā and then this happens
you are all fandom trash
#sheās been played by so many famous actresses too#vivian leighā¦ā¦. gillian andersonā¦ā¦.#JESSICA LANGE!!!!#ANN-MARGRET!!!!#itās a role that requires a lot of chops and a lot of emotional recall#sheās got more baggage than a commercial airliner#itās especially difficult for a more naĆÆve person to play her because sheās naĆÆve in some ways but not dumb#just traumatized and delusional and desperate for love#or for any attention at all really#she feels broken and she knows other people see her that way#but she overcompensates by pretending to live her old live in the affluent belle reve with her husband and money#and literally scalds herself in the bath as light self-harm despite new orleans being hot and humid as hell all the time
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fighting for my life trying to find info abt specificslly being an autistic parent to allistic kids but you search Autistic parent to allistic kids and evrry single thing is ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO HAVE A WEIRD FREAK WEIRD GROSS WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD SCARY ODD BLUNT AUTISTIC CHILD !!! WHEN YOU ARE NORMAL AND GOOD !!! can we all kill ourselves
#i did find a pretty good article im reading through. so ya.. it was a little upsetting at first bc they talked abt like. the author is l#autistic so they were talking abt an interaction they had with an allistic woman who had autistic parents and siblings#and she said some like. truly vile things and this person is a Far better person than me bc theyre like. well the way the she feels is sort#of a mirror of the way i felt growing up in an allistic family. which is fair but also i for shre wouldbe cussed this woman out very much#sry . she was saying shit abt how awful it was to see 2 autistic people presenting and being appreciated by their colleagues and how her#parents were broken and she was Real in a way they werent . like damn sry abt yr childhood but thats like. idk. im trying to be empathetic#but i am a broken and evil autistic person so im having some difficulty šÆ#sry. i have judt been thinking abt it bc i might adopt kids bc idk likee. yk. idk what the womb situation will be and i cant afford to get#my eggs frozen etc. so theres a high chance my kids might not be autistic. which is sort of scary and i wanted 2 try and see testimonies#from autistic parents judt 2 see like. what their experience was#obv ill still love my kids KRNFJFNG even if theyre weird freaky allistics (#JOKING JOKING JOKING JOKING JOKING sry if my future kids r reading this.)#but yk i just wanted to see some of the things 2 look out for.#bc obviously. some things that are really good for autistic children can feel either stifling or distant to an allistic kid. which you can#say abt anything lol thats every kid but ykwin.
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I guess it's not overly common, or maybe it is and it's just in fiction, because there's plenty of them, and good in depth ones...but I also have always kind of liked or at least had interest for Bangelus I always was bummed there was never another meeting w them. It was something of ATS that didn't make sense since she was all he thought about last time he was out and he even almost ended the world. It was waste that rematch never happened....
I definitely agree, anon. I imagine a lot of it has to do with the legal issues at the time, of course. With Buffy and Angel being on different networks and the networks not really wanting the different characters to appear on each other's shows.
And, perhaps, the writers felt like if they had a Buffy vs. Angelus thing again--even if there would of course be some differences this time--it would be too much like Buffy season two, so instead they had Angelus vs. Faith instead (which I do love).
But it definitely is weird that Angelus didn't seem to mention Buffy much in Angel season 4, when she was all he thought about before. I think the most we get is him calling Buffy "a pistol," (which is a great line), and him calling Dawn and asking if Buffy's there (to figure out if the Slayer in town he's hearing about is Buffy or Faith), right?
To be honest, we can't deny that some of this might also be because season four is where a lot of where the Angel/C*ordelia plot line is. And during that, the show kind of stopped mentioning Buffy (to maybe try and give the illusion that Angel had moved on some, to try and get the audience to stop thinking of the Angel/Buffy pairing, or moreover to get people to not question... "Wait, how is Angel pursuing a relationship when he still has the curse when the whole reason he left Buffy is because he can't have a relationship if he still has the curse?"). So that might also be part of it. But I definitely think it's moreso the first points.
And, I know I'm biased here, of course (though I do still enjoy Angel/C*ordelia some, though Angel/Buffy is my OTP now), but I don't think Angelus really had feelings for C*ordelia (Buffy seems to be the only person that both the man and demon in him loved). Or if he did, it wasn't like what he felt for Buffy. Because if he had, wouldn't they have made him crazy like his feelings for Buffy had? Like, wouldn't he have wanted to destroy her for making him love her, too, if that had been a thing? So I don't think something like "Angelus had feelings for C*ordelia and that's why he didn't really think about Buffy in season four" was a thing.
The closest we probably ever get to seeing Buffy and Angelus ever interact again in canon is the comics (I don't know if you've read those, anon).
In season 8, I feel like Twilight (this other persona of Angel's, who, is, like partly good and partly bad; and also being possessed by his and Buffy's kind-of-evil kid [it's a super long and complicated story)] is kind of Angelus-like to me. But also Angel-like some. And yes, he and Buffy do end up fighting.
And then in season 10, Angelus makes a brief appearance (when his great-grandsire brings him out again) and he jealously attacks Spike in knowing that at the moment Buffy has chosen to be with him instead. And this definitely seems to hint, of course, that Angelus has finally accepted his feelings for Buffy by this point (the Twilight stuff kind of did, too--if you choose to see Twilight as partly Angelus at all--since he was choosing to be with Buffy and trying to create a perfect world with her, where they and everyone they loved could be together).
There's also a part in the tie-in book "Monster Island" (that takes place in early Buffy season 6 and Angel season 3), where Buffy and Angel (and Gunn) are kidnapped by the Big Bad of the book's minions. To try and get them out, Tara casts a spell to get all magical creatures to attack each other (thinking the demons would then turn against each other, and they could just easily swoop in and save Buffy and Angel at that point). But she didn't count on Buffy and Angel also being magical creatures, of course (or even herself being a magical creature), so Buffy and Angel are trying to break from their bonds to kill each other. And Angel is starting to be very Angelus-like (like, Angel even thinks that), though he's trying to fight it.
...This reply is all over the place. And I don't know if it makes much sense. Sorry about that! But like you, I do kind of wish that we'd gotten more Bangelus in canon! Like, it's cool that in the comics it seems that Angelus has undergone some sort of journey offscreen and accepted his love for Buffy, but I wish we had seen that onscreen somewhere.
But oh well. I guess that's what fanfiction is for:)
Thanks for the ask!
Edit: There's also more Buffy and Angelus in the book "Night Terrors," a Buffy Choose Your Own Adventure book. But if you get on the path where Angelus shows up, it's sort of an alternate canon to Buffy season two, as he shows up earlier there than he did in season two (before he and Buffy make love, etc.).
Angelus is also in the book "One Thing or Your Mother," and the classic comic "Ring of Fire," but they're more missing moments/episodes from season two, than Angelus showing up in a later season and seeing Buffy again or anything like that. I do highly recommend both, however, since you're a Bangelus fan. Especially "One Thing or Your Mother." Oh! And in the tie-in-novel "Here Be Monsters" (that takes place during Buffy season three), there's a section where Buffy is seeing her worst nightmares. I think it's Angelus she sees (and I think she sees herself killing him again? it's been a while), who tells her that she knows how their story is going to have to end (with her killing him once more), and she'd better make it stick this time.
In the tie-in book, "The Evil That Men Do" (a book that takes place in season three), Buffy and Angel are kidnapped by Helen (a former vampire lover of Angelus') and her lover and forced to try to kill each other in a gladiator-like game. They pretend that they've turned on each other to get out of it and get their enemies to try to kill one another (as Helen's lover was always jealous of her and Angelus, and now he fears they're going to be together again).
In the classic comic "City of Despair" (that takes place in Buffy season 4/Angel season 1) Buffy and Angel are abducted to another dimension (called the City of Despair, actually), and forced to battle each other. They both have these collars on their necks, that are impossible to remove and will kill them if they disobey. They're also, like, almost forced to fight against their will: their bodies moving with a mind of their own, I mean. But eventually Buffy realizes that it's literally people's despair keeping them there. She convinces Angel to try to fight against the feeling with her for just one moment: the two of them embrace, and then escape.
Edit 2: Wait. I guess there's also the Buffy book "Big Bad," that has Buffy and Angelus in it, but I haven't read it yet. So I can't tell you how good or in-character that one is atm. And unlike how the original tie-in books and classic comics were always okayed by at least one of the original writers, I'm not sure if these new novels have been. I'm thinking not?
Edit 3: And though a part of me is loath to mention Boom, since they're not canon and I have... not very positive emotions about these comics in a lot of ways. In the first Buffy/Angel comic they were doing, Angel ended up possessed by something called the Hellmother, I believe it was called, while he and Buffy were on a mission in the Hellmouth together. And then Buffy ended up having to fight him.
#long post#bangelus#bangel#asked and answered#this also gets into headcanon territory of course: but i'd like to believe s4!angelus would have eventually come to sunnydale. but he was#being more careful. and doing things a bit differently this time. after last time#but it's def possible. imo. since we don't see into angelus' head in s4 that much as compared to s2#but you know... as much as i would have loved to see buffy vs angelus again in angel s4 and buffy s7. it might be best it didn't happen#in the shows and is just a fanfic (a very good) fanfic thing. buffy went through much that season. and the seasons prior. she didn't need#that too. another user said this (can't think of their name right now). but hearing angelus was back while she was dealing with the first#and trying to protect all the potentials probably WOULD have put her on suicide watch. my poor girl#also in another choose your own adventure book. colony. you can get bad endings where buffy and angel pretty much kill each other#since in that book either angel buffy or giles got the whammy put on them by the big bad#also bad endings in night terrors where angelus kills buffy#but those kinds of things are par for the course with choose your own adventure books#colony takes place in s2 too#but of course none of that would be canon. those bad endings#though it could be canon where angel or buffy got the whammy put on them but then got broken out of it: those endings#excuse me while i just add in all of the buffy/angel fight scenes i can think of. i guess. that people might not know about here#that are maybe angelus-esque (some of these definitely stretching that. i know). since it might somewhat kind of-ish be a bit of what#you're looking for anon#also. side note. all of these buffy books and comics are actually really good. even the first buffy/angel boom story i prefer much more to#some of their later stuff probably#and angelus himself has been in some of the boom comics now. though not at the same time as buffy sadly#and i don't know how in-character or not he's been. because i sort of stopped reading boom. but what little i did see with him looked like#it might have been taking him in a strange direction. but i may be wrong#there's also the angel book 'impressions' where these stones are making all of the demons act wild/angry which. if you haven't guessed.#makes angel act more like angelus and sort of pulls angelus out more and more as the book progresses (until things are resolved) and in#that book angel thinks of buffy twice there#that book takes place during angel season 3/buffy season 6
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