#something about perceiving the death of a friend as your fault

[eyesteeth]

hey, doc

[saturnniidae]

HTTYD 2 is ten years old today, it was my first exposure to the franchise and despite its many glaring flaws i can't help but love it and hold it so close to my heart.

This scene is a great example of why.

I love it so much. It's a heart-wrenchingly beautiful reminder that as good as he is, Hiccup is not some perfect hero. He is still just a person, a flawed human being who has cracked under the pressure of his circumstances and is barely given time to grieve his fathers' death.

(I adore scenes like this — It humanizes characters so much more, and just adds to that layer of perceived realism.)

And you can see the regret on his face as soon as he says it. But in that moment he doesn't do anything about it; he's still processing Stoick's death, and he only snaps out of it when he sees Toothless is under the Bewilderbeast's control again and Valka has to hold him back from attempting to go after him.

What he said and did to Toothless there was a momentary lapse in judgment fueled by grief. And later, as he breaks Toothless out of the Alpha's control, you can see he feels terrible about it. About how, even if it was brief, he pushed away his best friend. And he loves Toothless so much.

The way he talks to him literally breaks me every time I rewatch it.

"It wasn't your fault, you'd never hurt him, you'd never hurt me."

"Please, you... are my best friend, bud. My best friend."

And when Toothless comes back he just looks so elated to see Hiccup.

Though, Something that's even crazier to me is the fact all this takes place over less than a week. Once he gets toothless back and Drago is defeated, he is immediately made chief. And with the state berk is in, he is given presumably no time to properly mourn Stoick, or to fully adjust to the presence of his mother.

(though I feel his and Valka's relationship will never be what it could've been. He knows she chose not to come back, and that is a blow to their newly formed and fragile bond that, as much as they love each other, is not something she can ever fully make up for.)

But at least through everything, since the beginning, the one real constant he's had has been Toothless.

They're friendship was built off a mutual feeling of out-of-placeness, then unconditional trust and unwavering loyalty.

they love each other so much it makes me wanna throw up

[fahbev]

Humans and aliens don’t mix

I love this concept, I might end up writing something, but for now I’m just gonna do some bullet points. If you’re unfamiliar with the idea, search up “humans are space orcs” and you’ll get an idea where this came from

Humans bond in a very complex social way 

- other aliens probably don’t do this

- what if a human bonds to an alien?

- the human becomes very protective and fiercely loving of this alien. The alien probably loves them back, but in a very different and well, alien way.

- the human risks their own safety and goes feral to protect their alien friend. The alien appreciates it, but can’t fathom why they would risk themselves for someone else, no matter how much they like them. The human has done this repeatedly.

- at one point the human is in danger. In theory, the alien wants to protect their human friend, but isn’t willing to risk themself, even though the human is in greater danger.

- the human is in danger, and possibly in pain, and their friend is right there, capable of intervening. Imagine how crushed they are when their friend looks them dead in the eyes, and runs away. After all the human has risked and sacrificed for them!

- the alien feels a bit guilty, of course. The alien does feel they should reciprocate the kindness they were shown, and they really don’t want their friend to suffer. On their planet, friendships are more conditional, they benefit each other in times of peace, but when danger arrives everyone is for themselves. Or maybe their not social at all, and this is the first interpersonal bond they’ve had. Either way, anyone from this alien’s species would understand, and wouldn’t blame them. It’s not their nature, their brains don’t function like that. There are no protective instincts or courage, but the human doesn’t understand.

- anyway yeah, hurt feelings. The human feels betrayed and abandoned. Especially combined with the hurt of whatever happened to them in the first place.

- the alien knows that they hurt their friend’s feelings, and is pretty torn up about it. Despite the guilt, they’re also kind of angry. The human can’t expect them to do such extreme things for them! The human does so much more for them, but it’s still a crazy demand to ask!

-they probably reconcile, with the human understanding that this isn’t the alien’s fault really, it simply isn’t a function of their behavior. Even so, the human will have to accept that no matter how much they’d sacrifice for their buddy, they can never expect the same in return.

Also, a human meeting an actual space orc? HELL YES!  This could be the same alien, or a different one, i’m just rambling. (Don’t know where I saw this idea, but I can’t find the post sadly).

- imagine being feared and considered immensely dangerous. Your planet being considered a death world and you being considered badass, tough, cutthroat and terrifying just for surviving it. Imagine the complex that would give you, especially if your species is rare and your pretty separate from them!

- the human is used to being feared. They’re used to the hushed whispers, they’re used to being one of “the scary ones from the death world”. From hearing this for so long, they’ve come to believe it. They subconsciously decided to fit the bill of how they’re perceived. They act tough, aggressive, feral. They know they’re scary and badass and they flaunt it, they like being perceived this way.

- the alien, also from a so-called death world, is the opposite. They’re friendly, they’re peaceful, and they hate their reputation. They hate how their species is perceived just because of where they hail from. They aim to break the stereotype, and show the gentle giant that they actually are.

Now have them meet >:D

The human Sofia sits at the bar. The seats within six feet of her are all empty. She guzzles her fifth drink - apparently most species are affected by it similarly to alcohol, and some weaker species would be dead by the fifth drink. Sofia remains unaffected. She could drink 30 and be unaffected. It doesn’t even taste good. She slams her empty goblet on the table, all for show. The conversations nearby hush even further, and the fearful whispers start up again. Good. She should be feared.

The door opens. In comes a gust of wind, and a hulking figure. No one in the bar is talking now.

Sofia slowly turns to face the door. She sizes up the newcomer. They’re big, not twice Sofia’s height, but a few feet shy. Not that it matters, when she’s wrestled creatures the size of bears before. The armor plating though, it sported a recognizable pattern. The forelimbs too, that were an odd combination of insectoid legs and tentacles, were a dead giveaway. This was a rragletatch. One of the most feared species in the multiverse, from one of the deadliest worlds known to the galactic community. They’re as rare as humans too. She smirks. Finally, a worthy opponent.

Some chatter starts up again as the rragletatch begins to walk up to the bar, pretending to ignore Sofia. It was still eerily quite, considering this was a bar, and people were drunk. A few gasps and screams echo when Sofia abruptly stands up, knocking over her stool. Her smirk widens into a grin. She stalks confidently up to the rragletatch stranger, and stands close enough that they can’t ignore her. Several people began filing out of the building, while others chose to stay. “So.” The alien greets her.

“You’re one of those infamous rragletatchen I hear of, no? The ones who are supposedly suuuuper scary?”

“Yes, I am rragletatchen. You’re human, right?”

“Damn right.”

“well then.”

A long pause. Practically the whole bar was listening in anticipation.

“Fight me.” Sofia’s expression didn’t waver. On Earth, she never could have looked so intimidating while staring so far up at someone.

“No.”  what?  “Oh? You scared? I thought you were supposed to be tough or something.” The stranger didn’t look scared, but they must be. Why else would they not want to fight?

“I’m not scared.”

“Then square up bitch. See who’s stronger. Finally put it to the test.”

“No.”

The whispers now were not of fear, but of confusion.

“I will not engage in needless violence,” the rragletatch continued, “contrary to the stereotype of my kind, I will not harm others if at all avoidable. Attack me if you will, I refuse to fight you.” The rragletatch stood still in a wide, but open stance, as if preparing to be hit.  Sofia felt a flash of guilt. Something about attacking an opponent who refused to fight back felt wrong.

“You don’t want to see? Find out who the real champion is?” Sofia pushed aside her feelings and stared up. Unafraid, taunting as ever.

“No. My parents, grand parents and great grandparents before me have embraced a sacred philosophy of pacifism. It saddens me that my kind is known only for cuttthroat violence, only because of our home and biology. I refuse to hurt you. Do you truly wish to hurt me?”

Sofia was a bit shocked to say the least. When she realized her jaw was open and her head cocked, she quickly schooled her expression. That question though... she thought she did. But usually she just liked to brawl. Scare people. Assert dominance. When faced with an unwilling opponent who would not be scared of her... she realized she did not wish to cause harm. She never liked hurting people, that was never the fun of it.

“No.” Sofia sighed. She slouched from her offensive stance and backed over to her seat. “Come, sit with me.” It was phrased like a command, but really it was an offer. Everyone knew Sofia would have a hard time forcing this stranger to do anything. The rragletatch followed reluctantly. Sofia picked up her stool and plopped herself haphazardly on it. The stranger sat more eloquently on one of the many seats next to her.

“I’m Sofia.”

“Yal-sre.”

People moved their seats even farther from the Death-Worlders, or as some call them, orcs.  Suddenly, Yal-sre relaxed their whole body.

“Wow.” Yal-sre almost whispered

“What?” Yal-sre made a sound that, in aliens with exoskeletons, tended to equate to a soft laugh.

“To be completely honest, I thought you were going to kill me.”

Sofia barked a laugh.

“hey! I’ve never met a human before! I didn’t want to judge based on reputation due to my own, but you came on pretty aggressively!”

“Yeah, I’m the apex predator ‘round these parts, and I plan to keep it that way. Still though, I ain’t gonna fight you if you don’t wanna.”

“That’s a relief.”

Neither knew what to say next, and suddenly the nearby silence was so loud. Fortunately, a few conversations began to pick back up now that they were talking peacefully.

“What’s your planet like?” Sofia asked.

“My planet, Challrk, is beautiful. It has vast plains of purple vshink, glowing with bioluminescent insects. Sure, they bite. Sure, I’ve been stung, bitten, chased and harassed by many a critter, but Challrk is a truly incredible place. It has high mountains that stretch beyond the atmosphere, and colors some planets can’t imagine. Our sky is orange and pink, if you can believe that. What’s Earth like?”

“Earth. It’s a rough and tumble place, you can’t survive there without being Hardy. I’ve been chased by swarms of wasps and stung repeatedly more than once. I stepped on a bee and couldn’t walk properly for days. I’ve been stung by jellyfish, and went back into the bay knowing they were there with no protection. Unafraid. Earth is rough, our fauna is often hostile and transmits thousands of deadly ailments, much of our flora is poison. Our weather conditions alone could wipe out an entire species instantly. Earth is extreme.”

“i’m sure that’s true, but that’s what you’ve been told. By people who have never been there. People who are scared because they couldn’t survive there. But what is it actually like? What do you remember?”

“I- I remember the heavy storms. I remember punching a goose and having to go to the hospital. I remember- I remember the blue skies. Fluffy white clouds, flocks of songbirds. I remember walking barefoot because I loved the green grass under my feet, not because I was trying to face danger. I remember a loving family, playing with friends. Warmth and love. I remember going in the bay because I loved the feeling of swimming and playing in the water, not because I wanted to be tougher than the jellyfish. Earth is- Earth is a BEAUTIFUL place and it makes me ANGRY” Sofia slammed both her fists on the table, “that all it’s known for is being dangerous.” A few satisfying screams and gasps rang off in response.  Sofia looked over at Yal-sre. When they didn’t say anything, “I can’t read your face or body language. Can you give me a description?” This was actually a normal question to ask, in places where species were mixed.

“Uh, understanding, I’ve been there. Pleased that we’re getting somewhere. Uhhhhh, still kinda scared of you though. Sorry,” Yal-sre answered. Sofia gaped for a second, before she gave another rough laugh, knowing she probably sounded unhinged to the alien. “Ah!” Yal-sre yelped, “What- what are yours?”  Sofia laughed harder. “laugher can mean many things, in most cases it means ‘amused’. Right now, I am laughing at you, meaning I’m being rude because I find your fear amusing. If there was any non-human who wouldn’t be scared of me, I thought it would be the damn rragletatch. You guys are supposed to be tough shit, but you’re pathetic.”

Yal-sre paused. “Well, yeah. Some of us are tougher than others.”

“Hm, yeah I guess it’s kinda the same with humans. That makes sense. Obviously if you put a fearless human who’s tougher shit than most together with the most timid rragletatch, of course you’d be scared.”

“I’m not the most timid! I’m normal! I’ll bet most humans would be scared of me too, after hearing how “dangerous” we are for so long.”

“Maybe. Humans are tough, but I’ll admit they’re not all like me.” Yal-sre did an odd motion with their... shoulder?

“Translation? I don’t speak shoulder,” Sofia attempted to mimic the motion.

“Understanding, but now amused. Anyway, does it bother you?”

“Does what?”  “The fact that everyone is afraid of you? ... even me?”

“I like being feared.”

“Do you?”  Sofia took a long sip of her drink - which probably made it look like she was drowning her sorrows - to avoid answering the question. When she was done, she placed the goblet face down on the bar to signal to the bartender that she was ready for a refill. The metal was dented... she had put it down too forcefully.

“Oops.” Though it had been an accident, her voice held no remorse.

Anyway, might continue this, might not! I’ve had the “humans are space orcs” idea in my head for a long time, I might later separate this into its own post and make it longer lol.

[cupcakes-and-pain]

Charles & Ollie: Past

Hey guys. Um. It’s been a while since I’ve written. Sorry. Anyway! I really love this piece. It’s also much longer than most chapters I write, I’m pretty sure. Almost 2.8k words. So that’s fun.

Enjoy!

CW: pet whump, slave whump, refusing to use someone’s name, insults, perceived abandonment (technically not real), fear of punishment, self hatred, unreliable narrator, drug trafficking, drugging mention, police, starvation, escape/running away, homelessness, fear of death

Masterlist

— — —

It had been a normal day.

Wake up, make breakfast for Master, kneel quietly, and hope that he did well. Hope that he wouldn't have to spend the next few days tied up, bleeding, and starving in the basement. It was always his fault for being so stupid and deserving to be punished, but he could hope. Not want, of course, that'd never be allowed. But he could secretly wish and dream for a time when Master was forgiving.

Luckily, Master didn't find anything wrong with his pet's behavior that morning, so he set out. But not before giving his slave a strong kick to the ribs to keep him in his place. Pet preferred the kicks, the other choice for a daily reminder was a slap. Pet hated the hand marks. They made his already hideous face look even more ugly.

Pet set about his chores, washing the dishes and wiping the counter. He caught his blurred reflection in the polished granite. His collar was tight around his neck, the little tag hanging from it jingling.

He touched it gently, longing to hear his Master say the name written on it, just once. He knew that he needed the reminders because he was so stupid and useless. He'd forget his place if he wasn't called names all day. "Slave. Pet. Stupid. Ugly. Mutt. Useless. Fleabag. Bitch. Dog." On and on, all the cruelest things Master and his friends could think of, perfectly suiting for the crushed and bleeding thing that so often laid at their feet.

But Pet longed to hear his name, his real name, so badly. It had been so long, he knew it was bad, he knew he was selfish and worthless and dumb. But... no one would know, right? If he said it, just this once? Such a tiny word, only two syllables.

"Ol-"

The door flung open, and Pet jumped back, arms above his head. It was like the ground crumbled beneath his feet, and his stomach dropped. He fell to the floor, curled up, trying desperately to protect his most vital organs from attack. Had Master been waiting for this? He knew that his slave would mess up, didn't he? And he was just waiting to beat the living daylights out of the useless, worthless, disgusting piece of flesh that he owned.

"Hey, no, stupid dog. Come here." Master hauled him up off his feet and dragged him towards the basement. Pet whimpered but was in awe that Master was able to hold his fury in until they got to the basement. Usually, he'd just beat Pet wherever he was and make him clean up the blood from the floor and carpeting later.

"M-master, please, I-"

"Shush. You know what, hide! I'll be back in a few days. Some guys might come through, maybe a cop or two. Listen to me, you pathetic excuse for a dog." Master grabbed Pet's face roughly, fingernails digging into his cheeks. He was forcing Pet to look into his eyes, something that was rarely allowed. But it must be okay this time if Master was the one causing it.

"You have to understand.” Master said, “Do. Not. Come. Out. For. Anyone. However you need to do it, just get it through your thick skull. Don't stop hiding until I come back and say it's okay to leave, okay?" Master half-heartedly threw him to the floor, his slave more confused than he had ever been or probably ever would be. With one last disapproving glare, Master left.

Pet never saw him again.

- - -

It was true, he soon learned, that many people would be coming through the house. Pet feared he would feel lonely and bored while waiting, but there was a lot to keep his thoughts occupied and off of... other things.

First, cops searched the entire building. Pet heard them and dashed to a tiny closet in the basement, wedging a piece of wood in the handle on his side of the door. The police tried and failed to get in and even discussed cutting it open with an ax. Pet trembled, sweat dripping off his forehead while he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating.

Eventually, though, one of them protested, not wanting to do more work when they already had evidence. And so they left, making the house silent and (somewhat) stress-free once more.

Other people came and went too, talking and cursing. Most of them Pet recognized as the voices of Master's friends. He knew better than to listen to people's conversations, but they all kept mentioning drugs and pills, the type that had once been used on Pet. He remembered the experience, although things were still a little fuzzy.

It made his head hurt for days afterward, but at the moment, everything had felt so nice and peaceful for a few minutes before the blackout. When he woke up, he was covered in bruises and cuts, but it had still taken a few minutes for the relaxation to wear off and the pain to settle in.

Master had gotten very upset that his friends wasted the pills on a pet, after "everything he went through to get them." Despite already being beaten just an hour ago, Pet was punished severely for taking the pills. He had wanted to protest that the men had made him, but he knew better. The men were superior to him. They couldn't be faulted for it. So the blame must lie with Pet. It must. Master was never wrong.

In the present day, after many days of hunger and freezing nights down in the basement, Pet felt like he couldn't go on like this. No one had visited in a while. He knew what he was thinking about was bad. He knew that if Master found out what he was about to do, he'd be furious. He made it absolutely clear that his pet was not to leave the basement.

And yet, Pet finds himself sneaking up to the kitchen. He filled two bags with dog food and then, with some careful consideration, took three apples. Master never liked fruit but would still buy it; Pet was never quite sure of the reasoning behind that. And Pet had already been so bad, a few apples that would've rotted away even if Master had been there was nothing.

Pet then made his way to the living room and took several blankets and pillows. Then, noticing the mail had been delivered, he also took the newest copy of Pet Paper. Most of the articles either were boring or scared him, but they usually had fun pictures and a few games.

Carrying all of his loot and feeling surprisingly okay for a disobedient mutt who may have been abandoned, Pet made a little camp for himself in the basement. He decided to put the pillows and blankets in the closet where he had previously hidden from cops. The tiny space felt almost like his cage upstairs and he knew now that it was suitable for hiding.

Then he sat on the floor, grabbed a handful of dog food to munch on, and started reading.

Several more days passed before Pet started to get incredibly worried. He had heard the garbage truck pass by this morning. That was the second time since he had last seen Master. More than two weeks had gone by and still, no sign of where he had gone. What was previously just another anxious thought had transformed itself into a legitimate concern. Had Pet been abandoned?

Of course, it didn't make any sense. Why would Master leave everything just to get away from his pet?

But he couldn't deny that something was wrong. Even Master's friends had stopped visiting too. He didn't get it. Of course, he was so stupid, he could never understand why humans do the things they do. But he just couldn't think of any other explanation. So Master must've abandoned him.

Pet waited another week before finally deciding to leave. The dog food was running out, even after he had made several more disobedient trips upstairs. And if Pet had been thrown away, shouldn't he get out of his Master's house? Maybe Master was waiting until he left to come back to the house. Pet was probably being bad for staying there for so long. He was so selfish, not wanting to leave the comfort of the building for the scary outside world.

But he had to now. At least there would be food outside. And also cruel people, the cold, sickness, and probably death. But a bad pet like him deserved all of that, surely. He was such a rotten animal.

Pet's first steps outside were cautious and weak. He nearly stumbled from the sheer shock of it all.

He had done it. Ollie had done it. He couldn't believe this... this... this whole new world.

but it wasn't new, not really. It wasn't new at all. He just hadn't been here in a very long time, if ever.

He felt like he had stepped into a fantasy world after only hearing of it in fairytales. The outside world, the land beyond the kitchen window, was never allowed to him before. It might as well be something that only existed in legend.

- - -

Ollie sat huddled under the bridge, violently shivering. He hadn't eaten in two, maybe three days? He didn't know.

He was cold, wet, tired, and starving. He deserved all of it for leaving his Master's house. He should've accepted his fate and died there.

He was horrible.

- - -

Earlier in the day, Ollie had run away from some police. It was only because he was so small and capable of hiding that he got away. His muscles were very weak as of late, so he could've been easily caught. He'll have to be more careful next time.

But now, because of all the distance he had worked hard to put between him and the officers, Ollie had found himself in an entirely new area.

It was late at night, so restaurants had probably thrown out their leftovers already. If only he could find a place and dumpster dive for spare food.

As he wandered, he spied yet another cop. He was so frightened that he ran into the first available hiding place he saw: a bright, bustling building. He hadn't been thinking. He was so stupid. He dashed in and joined the crowds, trying to hide himself in the large group.

When someone first noticed him, in his dirty, smelly, roughed-up state with no shoes, she shrieked and backed up so fast she bumped into a man, who fell on a waiter, who spilled two glasses of wine they had been carrying.

Soon enough, everyone was in a great commotion, trying to get away from Ollie and call security.

The pet began to cry, overwhelmed and tired and hungry and not at all wanting to deal with this. He was sorry, he was, and he would do whatever they wanted to make up for it. Just please don't hand him over to the police. Please. He didn't know what they'd do to him, and he wasn't eager to find out.

The guards approached Ollie and he fled, going deeper into the crowd, until he tripped over his own feet and fell. He curled up and lay trembling on the floor, sobbing and so terrified.

He heard a bunch of people shuffle and he looked up to see the crowd part as a man walked through, headed straight for Ollie. This man didn't look like a security guard but rather was dressed in an expensive suit and had a stern, irritated expression.

When the man saw Ollie, however, his expression changed a bit. Ollie didn't know how to describe it, having never been looked at with such a visage. But it seemed less upset than the previous one, so that might be a plus? Maybe? Maybe this man won't kick Ollie as hard as he could, or won't insult him while throwing him out.

The man looked around.

"Whose pet is this?"

Of course, no one stepped forward. The man looked back at Ollie and asked if his owner was here. He shook his head.

"Are you lost?'

"Um, yeah... I-... I was abandoned, sir."

"Oh. I am very sorry to hear that. So you need a place to stay, then?"

Another nod. The man bent slightly and extended a hand. Ollie flinched away, bracing for a slap, but none came. He looked back and the hand was still there, just resting in the air. Ollie hesitated, but the man nodded encouragingly, and so Ollie took his hand and got helped up.

He whimpered as pressure was put on his ankle, then froze. He was bad.

His ankle must've been injured when he tripped, which was his fault, he shouldn't have run. And now he had the audacity to whimper?? He was so, so bad. This man would realize what a pathetic mutt he was and hurt him for it.

Glancing up fearfully, he saw that the man was indeed frowning. Ollie shrank back, hand slipping out of the man's grasp. He started shaking even harder.

"Oh dear, easy, it's alright," the man soothed. "I didn't mean to further injure your ankle by forcing you to stand. I will call a doctor for you immediately."

Did he think Ollie was upset because his ankle hurt? But.. why? Sure, the pain was intense now that he was trying to stand, but it was nothing compared to what he's been through.

"There's no need to be so concerned, sir. I'm alright. I can take it and more. I can take whatever you want me to."

The man frowned again and Ollie nearly cried.

"No, no, don't be ridiculous. I have no reason to harm you. You've done nothing wrong, dear. I don't want you to be unnecessarily hurt."

The man hesitated, then spoke again.

"That's not how I want one of my workers to be treated."

...

...what?

"What do you mean, sir?"

"I do not wish for you to be harmed, regardless of your status, but especially if you agree to work for me. You don't have a home or... employer, do you?"

"No, sir, I don't have either of those. But really, you don't have to, I'll only be a bother and a burden-"

"Nonsense. I have heard of how they train you guys. I'm sure you are wonderful. And besides, I am forgiving, I promise."

Ollie couldn't help but notice some of the crowd looked doubtful at that, which was very concerning. But at the same time, the man did not possess the same cruel glint in his eyes, the expression of deceit, the glee in waiting until the perfect moment to strike.

Of course, the man could just be better at hiding those things, or Ollie was dumber than he thought.

But what other choice did he have?

This person was offering him a lifeline, a chance at a new home and a new life. Ollie would die if he continued to be homeless. Maybe not right away, but he'd eventually catch an illness or upset someone or get caught, and then it'd be all over.

He didn't want to die.

"Okay. Of course, sir, I'd be happy to be your slave."

The man just nodded tight, and the pet was certain that he had already messed up.

But still, the man didn't do anything to him. Instead, he addressed the crowd.

"Apologies for the interruption," He announced, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. "I have urgent business to attend to with my worker, so I must leave. Enjoy the showing, it will continue until 10:30 PM as planned. My accountant will be handling any further purchases. Good night."

Then, looking back at his new slave again, Master spoke much softer.

"What is your name, dear?"

Oh god. Oh no. He knew what he was supposed to say, he knew he had to be good. He should tell the man that he can call him anything, even horrible insults, and the slave would readily accept it. He had to show his new owner that he could be good. But the man had asked. Please. The pet wanted to be allowed his name, his real name.

"Ollie, sir. My name is Ollie."

The man nodded, not seeming angry at the slave's terrible presumption that he could demand a free person use a particular name for him.

"I am Charles Durand, please to meet you, Ollie. Come with me. I'll help you to a couch to rest until the doctor arrives."

Given no other option, Ollie followed him, allowed to dangerously lean on his arm as he hobbled along.

Hopefully, this man wouldn't be too cruel to him.

— — —

Tag list: @whumpzone @whump-me-all-night-long @whumpsweetwhump @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @apples-and-whump @professional-idiocy @nicolepascaline @cowboy-anon @wolfeyedwitch @kim-poce @guachipongo @badluck990 @secretwhumplair @batfacedliar-yetagain @whumpsday @extrabitterbrain @morelikepainsley @catawhumpus @starfields08000 @mylovelyme

[tsarinatorment]

Michael Yew's Fatal Flaw

This meta is the fault of @apollosgiftofprophecy who made the questionable decision of asking about Michael's fatal flaw in my vicinity the other day.

People who have been following me for a while may recall I once answered an ask about Apollo kid fatal flaws, and mentioned Michael there. Please ignore what I said back then because I'd barely even started picking him apart to see what made him tick, and my conclusions there have since been deemed rather surface-level!

The first question, of course, is what is a fatal flaw? What makes it different from a regular character flaw? The clue's in the name, I think - fatal flaw is one that's most likely to one day result in the hero's death, as Annabeth also suggests in Sea of Monsters:

“I don’t know, Percy, but every hero has one. If you don’t find it and learn to control it … well, they don’t call it ‘fatal’ for nothing.”

Athena gives us a little more to go on in The Titan's Curse:

"In each case, your loved ones have been used to lure you into Kronos's traps. Your fatal flaw is personal loyalty, Percy. You do not know when it is time to cut your losses. To save a friend, you would sacrifice the world. In a hero of the prophecy, that is very, very dangerous." I balled my fists. "That's not a flaw. Just because I want to help my friends—" "The most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation," she said. "Evil is easy to fight. Lack of wisdom… that is very hard indeed."

Of course, she's talking specifically to Percy about his flaw here, but there are certainly broader points to be inferred from this. When you break down all her warnings, it boils down near enough to "your fatal flaw is one you either cannot fight, or do not want to fight, because you think it is right/justified", which is interesting. It's a flaw that you don't, necessarily, recognise as a flaw, which makes it difficult to do anything about because how can something that's right be wrong?

As Athena says, the most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation - flaws that, in most situations, actually help, or are perceived to do so. These are the flaws most likely to kill the hero - and maybe others, as well.

With that out of the way, let's start picking apart Michael properly.

Generally, I see anger, pride or stubbornness put forwards as suggestions for his fatal flaw, so I'll look at each of those and see how well they actually fit. On top of that, I'm also going to explore two other contenders that I've come to notice from the hundreds of times I've re-read his scenes - protectiveness, and love.

First up, let's talk about Anger.

Anger is the one that seems to spring to mind most readily for some people (myself included), and it's hardly surprising given his introductory scene:

She was in the midst of yelling at Michael Yew, the new head counselor for Apollo, which looked kind of funny since Clarisse was a foot taller. Michael had taken over the Apollo cabin after Lee Fletcher died in battle last summer. Michael stood four feet six, with another two feet of attitude. He reminded me of a ferret, with a pointy nose and scrunched-up features—either because he scowled so much or because he spent too much time looking down the shaft of an arrow. "It's our loot!" he yelled, standing on his tiptoes so he could get in Clarisse's face. "If you don't like it, you can kiss my quiver!" [...] I couldn't believe Clarisse and Michael standing over her, arguing about something as stupid as loot, when she'd just lost Beckendorf. "STOP IT!" I yelled. "What are you guys doing?" Clarisse glowered at me. "Tell Michael not to be a selfish jerk." "Oh, that's perfect, coming from you," Michael said.

(As an aside, I love Michael's "kiss my quiver" line because hip quivers are very much a thing and if you think of his quiver as on his hip instead of his back... he's basically saying "kiss my ass" but in a kid-book-friendly way)

Michael's introduction is full of aggression - he's standing on tiptoes, getting "in Clarisse's face", and yelling at her. To make matters worse, it's in front of a grieving Silena which makes him (and Clarisse, but we've already had four books on how much Clarisse can be a bitch in Percy's opinion) look incredibly callous and uncaring. Percy's rather unflattering description about "two feet of attitude" and "because he scowled so much" adds to the overall impression that Michael's a right piece of work as well. Thanks, Percy.

It's a good introduction, though. This is memorable, as far as character introductions go (far more memorable than the first time we're introduced to Beckendorf, or Silena, etc.), and it's full of personality - personality that says Michael is not afraid to throw hands and will do it anywhere, anytime. It directly opposes him with Clarisse, but in such a way that makes them seem like similar characters, and we know anger/rage is one of Clarisse's traits as well.

This scene isn't a one-off, either. We get the full feud against the Ares cabin, which Michael spearheads:

We ducked as Michael Yew's chariot dive-bombed an Ares camper. The Ares camper tried to stab him and cuss him out in rhyming couplets. He was pretty creative about rhyming those cuss words. "We're fighting for our lives," I said, "and they're bickering about some stupid chariot." "They'll get over it," Annabeth said. "Clarisse will come to her senses."

The fact that it's Clarisse, not Michael, that Annabeth thinks is going to stand down also says a lot about how she sees the pair of them, and she must know Michael reasonably well, so this adds another note to the impression that Michael can be even more unreasonable than Clarisse (although it should also be noted that in this feud Michael is the one in the right, and Chiron has said as much to the campers, or at least the head counsellors - and of course from a narrative point of view, Clarisse is a far more familiar character for readers).

Michael himself also admits later on that he lost his temper with Clarisse again off-screen:

Michael shrugged. "Yeah, well, I called her some names when she said she still wouldn't fight. I doubt that helped. Here come the uglies!"

Those names certainly weren't ones for polite company - or a children's book. I think we can confidently say that Michael certainly has a temper, much like his father is legendary for.

But is it a fatal flaw? Well, sadly we have a scene that's implied to be Michael's death scene (I say implied because we never saw a body and a lot of things don't quite add up, so I prefer to think of him as not-dead, but for the purposes of this meta we'll consider it his death scene), so let's go look at that.

He struck the bridge with the butt of his scythe, and a wave of pure force blasted me backward. Cars went careening. Demigods—even Luke's own men—were blown off the edge of the bridge. Suspension cords whipped around, and I skidded halfway back to Manhattan. I got unsteadily to my feet. The remaining Apollo campers had almost made it to the end of the bridge, except for Michael Yew, who was perched on one of the suspension cables a few yards away from me, His last arrow was notched in his bow.

Michael's final stand happens immediately after several demigods - including his own siblings - are just blown clean off the bridge by Kronos. Is it a decision spurred by anger after things going wrong after they were finally going right? It would make sense.

However, there is one big issue with anger as his fatal flaw. Obviously, Michael does have this temper, and it does get out of hand, but we only ever see it get out of hand in the (relative) safety of camp. The Michael we see in Manhattan actually seems very calm and in control the entire time. He's observant and quick-witted, and is the only head counsellor to spot (or at least verbalise) a potential flaws in Percy and Annabeth's plan.

"He's right," Annabeth said. "The gods of the wind should keep Kronos's forces away from Olympus by air, so he'll try a ground assault. We have to cut off the entrances to the island." "They have boats," Michael Yew pointed out. An electric tingle went down my back. Suddenly I understood Athena's advice: Remember the rivers. "I'll take care of the boats," I said. Michael frowned. "How?" "Just leave it to me," I said.

Of course, Percy being the son of Poseidon can plug that massive gap, but it took Michael asking the question for him to make the important connection that he needed to.

This calmness continues into the battle itself, as well.

Michael Yew ran up to us. He was definitely the shortest commando I'd ever seen. He had a bandaged cut on his arm. His ferrety face was smeared with soot and his quiver was almost empty, but he was smiling like he was having a great time. "Glad you could join us," he said. "Where are the other reinforcements?" "For now, we're it," I said. "Then we're dead," he said. [...] "We have to fall back," Michael said. "I've got Kayla and Austin setting traps farther down the bridge." "No," I said. "Bring your campers forward to this position and wait for my signal. We're going to drive the enemy back to Brooklyn." Michael laughed. "How do you plan to do that?" I drew my sword. "Percy," Annabeth said, "let me come with you." "Too dangerous," I said. "Besides, I need you to help Michael coordinate the defensive line. I'll distract the monsters. You group up here. Move the sleeping mortals out of the way. Then you can start picking off monsters while I keep them focused on me. If anybody can do all that, you can." Michael snorted. "Thanks a lot."

No temper tantrums, no yelling like he did with Clarisse earlier - he's matter of fact when he realises they don't really have reinforcements (not knowing, of course, about Percy's little Styx bath), he doesn't argue with Percy when Percy starts taking command. He continues to say his piece and get his point across, but at no point do we ever get the sense that Michael is anything other than perfectly in control at any point during the battle - which is not what you would expect from a rage-based fatal flaw.

For example, contrast Michael's scenes with Clarisse later in the battle:

The real Clarisse looked up at the drakon, her face filled with absolute hate. I'd seen a look that intense only once before. Her father, Ares, had worn the same expression when I'd fought him in single combat. "YOU WANT DEATH?" Clarisse screamed at the drakon. "WELL, COME ON!" She grabbed her spear from the fallen girl. With no armor or shield, she charged the drakon.

and

"I AM CLARISSE, DRAKON-SLAYER!" she yelled. "I will kill you ALL! Where is Kronos? Bring him out! Is he a coward?" "Clarisse!" I yelled. "Stop it. Withdraw!" "What's the matter, Titan lord?" she yelled. "BRING IT ON!" There was no answer from the enemy. Slowly, they began to fall back behind a dracaenae shield wall, while Clarisse drove in circles around Fifth Avenue, daring anyone to cross her path. The two- hundred-foot-long drakon carcass made a hollow scraping noise against the pavement, like a thousand knives. Meanwhile, we tended our wounded, bringing them inside the lobby. Long after the enemy had retreated from sight, Clarisse kept riding up and down the avenue with her horrible trophy, demanding that Kronos meet her battle.

Calm and collected whomst? Not to say that Clarisse's temper isn't understandable here, but this fits much more in line with Athena's description of a fatal flaw - one that seems justified, right, even (and later on, Clarisse gets frozen by a Hyperborean Giant, so this does come back to bite her!), as opposed to the way Michael seems to stay in control of his temper even when his siblings are being killed around him.

With all that in mind, while I willa gree that anger is a flaw of Michael's, it certainly doesn't seem to check the boxes to be a fatal flaw, so let's move onto the next one: Pride.

Pride has its roots in the same parts of the narration as anger, so this section is going to be rather shorter because I don't need to rehash all the quotes again. The main thing that stands out on the pride side of the feud, specifically, is that it's completely needless for Michael to keep agitating Clarisse and the Ares cabin.

Clarisse turned to Chiron. "You're in charge, right? Does my cabin get what we want or not?" Chiron shuffled his hooves. "My dear, as I've already explained, Michael is correct. Apollo's cabin has the best claim. Besides, we have more important matters—" [...] "I see," Clarisse said. "And the senior counselors? Are any of you going to side with me?" Nobody was smiling now. None of them met Clarisse's eyes.

Chiron's put his hooves down on the matter - the Apollo cabin has the best claim to the chariot, Clarisse is the aggressor here. The other head counsellors all agree with that, too. Michael could, and given the upcoming war, should, ignore her and put his and his siblings' focus towards the war and not an argument he's already won.

But he doesn't. His chariot is attacking the campers - the Apollo kids aren't just defending themselves from the upset Ares kids, they're on the offensive themselves, arguably more so than the Ares campers.

As we crossed the commons area, a fight broke out between the Ares and Apollo cabins. Some Apollo campers armed with firebombs flew over the Ares cabin in a chariot pulled by two pegasi. I'd never seen the chariot before, but it looked like a pretty sweet ride. Soon, the roof of the Ares cabin was burning, and naiads from the canoe lake rushed over to blow water on it. Then the Ares campers called down a curse, and all the Apollo kids' arrows turned to rubber. The Apollo kids kept shooting at the Ares kids, but the arrows bounced off. Two archers ran by, chased by an angry Ares kid who was yelling in poetry: "Curse me, eh? I'll make you pay! / I don't want to rhyme all day!"

This feels a lot like he's trying to validate that yes, the chariot really is his cabin's, and the fact that Clarisse keeps insisting otherwise despite every non-Ares member of the camp being on Michael's side is insulting/undermining the Apollo cabin's claim.

It also sounds like he made sure to have the final word against Clarisse when she still refused to come and fight, which is a very prideful action.

"Nah," Michael said. "Left it at camp. I told Clarisse she could have it. Whatever, you know? Not worth fighting about anymore. But she said it was too late. We'd insulted her honor for the last time or some stupid thing." "Least you tried," I said. Michael shrugged. "Yeah, well, I called her some names when she said she still wouldn't fight. I doubt that helped. Here come the uglies!"

The thing is, though, that we hit a snag with the pride theory at this point for a similar reason to the anger one - as soon as there's something bigger and more immediate to focus on, Michael sets it aside.

He gives up the chariot they were fighting over - the chariot that, rightfully, is the Apollo cabin's - for no reason other than because he knew that they needed the Ares cabin to come and fight and it was the only thing he could think of that he could do to try and change Clarisse's mind - made even more stark when compared with Michael's original, in-camp, reaction to Clarisse's declaration.

Clarisse threw her knife on the Ping-Pong table. "All of you can fight this war without Ares. Until I get satisfaction, no one in my cabin is lifting a finger to help. Have fun dying." The counselors were all too stunned to say anything as Clarisse stormed out of the room. Finally Michael Yew said, "Good riddance."

It's true that Michael does get upset when Clarisse ignores his sacrifice of the chariot and still refuses to fight, but I think that's understandable given the situation (and he is, still, a teenage boy with a temper). It doesn't change the fact that he does it, however, nor the fact that Michael doesn't rescind the sacrifice and bring the chariot with him regardless, despite its potential stragetic uses in the war. Pride certainly doesn't seem to have much if any weight in his final stand, either, so I'd say that like anger, this doesn't actually fit as his fatal flaw, even if it might be somewhat of a personal trait/flaw.

At this point, it seems a little bit like a moot point to poke at Stubbornness because most of the counter-arguments for anger and pride also address this, but I'll quickly go over it anyway because this is the first one that properly shows itself all the way through Michael's appearances.

I've already mentioned the way he doesn't back down in the chariot feud, which is pride, yes, but also stubbornness - he won't leave it alone, won't let Clarisse stake her own claim on it, keeps fighting past the point of necessity over it.

But then we have his final scene, where he stands his ground. There's no indication that Michael even tried to run when the bridge crumbled.

I got unsteadily to my feet. The remaining Apollo campers had almost made it to the end of the bridge, except for Michael Yew, who was perched on one of the suspension cables a few yards away from me, His last arrow was notched in his bow. "Michael, go!" I screamed. "Percy, the bridge!" he called. "It's already weak!" At first I didn't understand. Then I looked down and saw fissures in the pavement. Patches of the road were half melted from Greek fire. The bridge had taken a beating from Kronos's blast and the exploding arrows. "Break it!" Michael yelled. "Use your powers!" [...] I turned to thank Michael Yew, but the words died in my throat. Twenty feet away, a bow lay in the street. Its owner was nowhere to be seen. "No!" I searched the wreckage on my side of the bridge. I stared down at the river. Nothing.

Michael completely ignores Percy telling him to run, tells him to break the bridge that he's currently on and clearly has no intentions of leaving, not with that notched arrow that he then seems to have fired, given that there's no arrow later on. This seems the closest we've got so far to a flaw that goes beyond a simple character flaw and into the fatal category.

Except.

He's a stubborn character, but just like with anger, like with pride, Michael keeps putting it aside when it might otherwise cause issues during the battle - he questions Percy's plans more than once, but despite that, he cedes command to Percy on Williamsburg Bridge, follows his orders instead of continuing with his own strategies, and generally shows that he's exactly the sort of person you want by your side/at your back when you're fighting. Michael's flexible and prepared to change and adapt as the situation does - which is pretty much the opposite of stubbornness, so while at first glance it seemed like a strong candidate it's once again contradicted by the scenes on Williamsburg Bridge.

So, that's the three usual suspects that arise from the chariot feud all falling apart once we rearch the battlefield. Michael is certainly passionate about the fight - more than once, Percy implies that he seems to actually be having a good time on the battlefield and there's no other explanation other than eagerness for this moment:

I sliced through armor like it was made of paper. Snake women exploded. Hellhounds melted to shadow. I slashed and stabbed and whirled, and I might have even laughed once or twice—a crazy laugh that scared me as much as it did my enemies. I was aware of the Apollo campers behind me shooting arrows, disrupting every attempt by the enemy to rally. Finally, the monsters turned and fled—about twenty left alive out of two hundred. I followed with the Apollo campers at my heels. "Yes!" yelled Michael Yew. "That's what I'm talking about!"

But despite all of this, that passion doesn't seem to be based in anger, pride, or stubbornness, despite those being the first things people seem to think of when they think about Michael - and that's why I have two more options added to the list to explore.

Moving on, then, I'll start with Protectiveness.

So, just now I said that stubbornness is what caused Michael's final moments, but is it really? It was certainly part of it, but also - as I mentioned earlier, when talking about anger, Michael's final stand is immediately after some of his siblings have been thrown off the bridge - having already seen at least one other sibling killed earlier:

Hellhounds leaped ahead of the line from time to time. Most were destroyed with arrows, but one got hold of an Apollo camper and dragged him away. I didn't see what happened to him next. I didn't want to know.

Siblings, of course, that as their head counsellor he is the one in charge of and responsible for - it's likely that he's the oldest in the cabin as well (although not guaranteed), and that these are all his younger siblings that are getting killed/seriously injured/status unknown. We're told that the "remaining" Apollo campers are running for the end of the bridge and retreating as far as possible - all of them except for Michael, who was with them to start with but stopped and turned to face the enemy.

Michael and his archers tried to retreat, but Annabeth stayed right beside me, fighting with her knife and mirrored shield as we slowly backed up the bridge.

Followed by

The remaining Apollo campers had almost made it to the end of the bridge, except for Michael Yew, who was perched on one of the suspension cables a few yards away from me. His last arrow was notched in his bow.

This is the point when Michael makes the decision that the bridge has to be destroyed, figures out how to destroy it, and basically orders Percy to do it. I've got a whole other argument about how Michael is the reason Olympus didn't fall that first night of the siege, but at this point I think it's blatantly obvious that the only thing Michael is thinking about is protecting his siblings. Why else would he put himself (tiny archer who should never, ever, be on the front lines - which is hinted at by the fact he still seeks out as high a ground as he can get aka the cables) as the rear guard, the barrier between an entire army and his fleeing siblings?

He's protecting his siblings - he's guarding their backs as they flee to safety and he's finding a way to stop them from being pursued, even if it kills him in the process. It's clearly the right decision to him, the only decision he thinks he can take - and it's textbook fatal flaw.

But before I settle on that, there's one more I want to talk about, which is really an extension of protectiveness, and that's Love.

I'll admit that love always feels like a bit of a cheat to me as a fatal flaw - it's a bit of a catch-all, in that if you argue hard enough you can pull back almost any character to love in some way (which is why Aphrodite is such an underrated yet powerful goddess), and it's nowhere near as obvious for Michael as it is for Apollo and Nico (yes I know what Bianca said, but consider: she didn't know what she was talking about. Nico's fatal flaw is a whole other meta, though), but I think it fills in a few gaps that protectiveness leaves a little open.

There's something that gets overlooked a lot when Michael gets discussed, especially the chariot feud, despite the fact that Percy outright states it.

Michael had taken over the Apollo cabin after Lee Fletcher died in battle last summer.

No sugar-coating, no forgetting about a background character that got all of two pre-death appearances - Lee was killed in battle, and Michael was the one that took over the cabin from him.

We never get any canon information on Michael and Lee's relationship, but obviously they knew each other well, given that Michael's the next most senior kid - and isn't that the kicker. Because this line tells us one very important thing: Michael had to step into his big brother's suddenly-vacated shoes in the immediate aftermath of a battle, with no time to grieve.

We even have a comparison to make right in that same scene:

Even Jake Mason, the hastily appointed new counselor from Hephaestus, managed a faint smile.

Jake's also been shoved into the same role, a role we later find out he never wanted and never recovered from - big brother's dead, your turn to step up and lead the cabin in war. Most of the counsellors are laughing but all Jake can do is a faint smile. He's not okay, and you wouldn't expect him to be - and in The Lost Hero he's even more blatant about the fact that he's not okay (same as Will, in fact) - so, clearly, Michael is not okay, either.

The chariot feud is a whole mess of emotions - anger, pride and stubbornness are ones I've already covered - but I never see anyone talk about grief, and how Michael's been forced to lead a cabin in the wake of the death of his older sibling (the first wartime promotion, really - the Stolls situation isn't quite the same), and how he has to be at least somewhat off-balance, because grief is a tricky little thing and there's no way it hasn't got its nasty little claws in Michael, and that only a few scant months - a year at most - after Lee's death, it's still very, very raw.

And there's a strong correlation between love and grief. "What is grief but love perservering?" "Grief is the price we pay for love" - there's a neverending list of sayings about grief and love.

Then there's the bridge. There's Michael putting Austin and Kayla right at the back, setting traps but a long way back from the front line. There's the way he knew that without the Ares cabin they weren't going to win so he surrendered the chariot in the hopes of getting the front line fighters to join in - the ones that will stand between the archers and the enemy, between his siblings and the enemy. There's, again, the way he stood his ground as a barrier between Kronos and his army and his siblings, even though if Percy hadn't destroyed the bridge he would've been overrun and killed (and he was in such a precarious position that breaking the bridge... well, we know what happened or do we).

But also there's the fact that Michael was fighting at all. The fact that Michael wanted to fight - when Percy gives him the opportunity to take the fight to Kronos, to fight back rather than just numbly defending the bridge/Manhattan/Olympus, Michael seizes it.

His ferrety face was smeared with soot and his quiver was almost empty, but he was smiling like he was having a great time.

"That was my last sonic arrow," Michael said. "A gift from your dad?" I asked. "God of music?" Michael grinned wickedly.

I followed with the Apollo campers at my heels. "Yes!" yelled Michael Yew. "That's what I'm talking about!"

He's right there on the front line, it's so obvious that he's there because he wants to be, because he believes in their cause. Because he loves Apollo.

It's never said in so many words (although we know Apollo has interacted with Michael because he's given him those sonic arrows), but it's there in Michael's actions, in how he never falters in the pro-god side of the war despite losing sibling after sibling after sibling to it - Michael has to love Apollo for anything else to make sense.

It's his siblings he sacrifices himself for, but it's his father he chose to fight for. And it's both that he died for.

If that's not a fatal flaw in action, what is?

[dira333]

Jealousy - Sasuke

warning: someone’s getting killed, but it’s a quick death

requested by @iminlovewqr0w​

Last night, someone joked about Sasuke being jealous. 

He doesn’t remember who it was in the alcohol-filled haze of the night, but he remembered the way those words hit him, slammed into his chest like Chidori.

He’s still thinking about it in the morning. 

Is he jealous?

What does that even mean?

-

When he was little, Itachi showed him around the big library of Konoha and taught him the importance of educating himself when no one had the time to do it for him.

It’s no surprise that he finds himself at the doors of the same library just a few minutes later or that he finds the right row of books with ease, even slightly hungover.

-

Jealousy, feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.

He grew up looking up to Itachi for everything that he was and could do. There was never any resentment for the greatest big brother there was. The only resentment he felt back then was for his father, someone he would never have been good enough for. 

But Sasuke remembers clearly the bitter realization that Naruto was surpassing him. That he would never be as good as Itachi without help. 

That’s the past, though, right?

He’s gotten to the point where he knows his strength, where he has fulfilled his duty in Itachis big scheme. There’s nothing to be jealous about?

-

Realization cuts into his heart only a week later. 

He’s late and it’s not fully his fault, but he can see you from where’s quickly approaching your parent's house.

Your face is illuminated by the warm light of the living room and you’re laughing at something your father’s saying. It’s not the first time the two of you are invited over and it’s not the first time he witnesses the close bond between you and your father.

But it’s the first time he feels envy crawling through him.

Why is it that your father never expected you to be more than you could be?

It’s not fair that his family is dead and there’s nothing you or he could have done to prevent it but for a second he chokes on the resentment. It’s just not fair.

“Sasuke?” Your voice calls from the window. He doesn’t look up, afraid of what you would see in his eyes, even from this far away.

But warm hands are already pulling him closer, guiding him to the safety of your embrace.

“Sasuke!” Your father’s deep voice calls from the house. “Come in boy! I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“I swear,” you mumble into his hair, “He likes you more than me.”

And it’s still not fair but your words mend a hole inside him, form a knot in the net that is his life. It’s right next to the tangled web of strings that team seven formed in his life.

It reminds him that he used to be alone but he’s not anymore.

-

Jealousy, feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one's partner is attracted to or involved with someone else. 

There is, perhaps, no greater torture in this world than to play bodyguard for you.

Especially on a mission like this.

From where he’s standing, face a clear expression of misery, he can see the way you flutter your lashes at some guy that’s not going to survive the night - he just doesn’t know it yet.

Sasuke knows that he doesn’t have to worry about you.

You don’t even hug your boy-friends and when he first asked you about that, you’d told him that you wouldn’t like your boyfriend hugging other girls so why would you do it yourself then?

And he had always admired that side of you, that was willing to protect a relationship that hadn’t even been born yet.

But he thinks that he finally understands Kiba now, who growls every time someone dares to touch Sakura. Or Temari who once used her fan in a crowded market because some girl didn’t want to understand the meaning of Shikamaru’s wedding ring.

There’s an almost feral feeling taking hold of him, a feeling as dark as it is dangerous. He wants to grab that guy and chuck him out the window. 

He knows what the guy is thinking and it’s making him sick. 

Everyone should know that you and Sasuke are two sides of a coin, something inseparable, and-

The guy drops to the floor, foam forming on his lips as he chokes, unable to get air into his lungs.

He’s dead within a minute and amidst the panic, you slip into the space next to Sasuke, your hand finding his.

“Let’s go.” You tell him. “We’re done.”

They leave unseen, too fast to be noticed. 

“Why did you kill him? I wanted to do that.”

You laugh. “I could tell. Your face was murderous. You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not…” You silence him with a kiss, leave him literally hanging in the air to pull yourself up to a window on the other side of the street. 

He can tell your laughing at him but he doesn’t really mind.

-

Late at night when you’re asleep next to him and the moon illuminates your skin, he thinks about it.

Jealousy… is he jealous?

He doesn’t suspect you of ever betraying him.

And he no longer resents you for having the chance to grow up sheltered. 

But there’s a third definition of jealousy and when he lays awake at night he can’t help but think how much it fits him.

-

Jealousy, being fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.

In this life, he was given the right to be by your side. To hold your hand, kiss your lips and dry your tears.

You’re not a possession of him but you’ve given him something that he will protect with the last shred of his life.

And whoever dares to threaten it, should be afraid.

[bikananjarrus]

i am processing my feelings about the fallen star. some very spoilery thoughts under the cut!

first things first, the obvious: stellan. beautiful, beloved stellan 😭 

full disclosure, despite doing my best to avoid spoilers, i did see a spoiler that he died in this book. so i spent most of the rising storm and all of this book knowing that (though i was hard core in denial and it didn't really sink in until halfway through this book lol). so even though i knew it was coming, it was still so hard to read. 

him sensing that elzar was in trouble and going to back him up ("he would not leave his friend to suffer as Stellan himself had suffered, alone...'i intend to be with him'") and knowing that he would go down there and probably wouldn't make it off the station, and to boot, promising elzar "we'll be right behind you"..... i'm in pain. 

but stellan making a big heroic sacrifice is along the lines of how i thought he would die; it makes sense for him. and him finally coming to understand what the force means to him, how he fits into it, not just thinking how he's "supposed" to think as part of the Order, the book was building to that and it was really wonderful to see him feel strong and confident in himself and the force again. 

also the "the last thing he'd ever do, he'd done right." i'm so distraught. and going from him spending so much of the book afraid and weighed down to "Stellan felt no fear. The firmament of the night sky shone no less brightly when one small star went dark" weeping and wailing and breaking down about it tbh. 

(i also have SO much to say about stellan elzar and avar as a constellation, and all of that, so that will be a separate post probably. like i won't be shutting up about the firebrands any time soon, i can promise that)

"My polestar, Elzar thought, and my song. They're with me now, whether they know it or not" yeah i need like 5-10 business days or months to recover from this....

when the bottom half of starlight crashed into the sea and elzar sensed the last few people on board dying along with it, but not realizing that stellan was one of those people bc he thought stellan had gotten off the station. he thought stellan was SAFE. i'm so fucking upset, i will simply NEVER RECOVER

and compare that to elzar and avar's reunion and their hug and elzar knowing that she was alive, because she had to be.... and in his heart, of course stellan made it off starlight, because he had to, right? 

but then, THEN, Forfive finding them and saying that stellan gifted him back to elzar and then PULLED OUT STELLAN'S LIGHTSABER. that broke me. that broke me SO BAD. (something something "this weapon is your life" or whatever).

elzar using the dark side (or at the very least, letting dark side emotions fuel his actions for a brief moment) when he killed chancey, did NOT anticipate that. that was....oof. also putting it out there that while i know elzar blames himself for stellan's death (bc maybe if he hadn't killed chancey, stellan could've survived, etc.) but i don't blame elzar for stellan's death. something else could've gone wrong down there, even if chancey had lived! like was it wrong for elzar to pull his lightsaber first, ask questions later - yes. but he saw what he perceived as a threat (and the nihil have been a long-standing threat, that haven't proved themselves to be anything but) and took action. he had no idea what kind of consequences those actions would bring - he didn't know. it's not elzar's fault, and stellan knew (and likely sensed that his end was coming) what kind of danger he was putting himself in by going down there, and decided to go be by elzar's side anyway. 

one thing i also loved about the relationship between the firebrands this book (which also makes stellan's death more sad) is the unresolved tension. (now, some of what elzar and stellan were feeling could've been side effects from the creatures on the station, but it's not entirely bc of that i don't think). elzar, though he won't say it, is upset that stellan didn't go with him to ledalau to help him after using the dark side on valo. he trusts and relies on stellan and wants stellan's support, so of course it would be upsetting that his friend wasn't there with him in that time of need. and stellan and avar being at odds with each other over the marshal position at starlight. stellan feeling prideful about taking the position away from avar, and avar being mad at losing her position. her thinking about how after only a month under stellan's control, starlight beacon was lost. the two of them being blinded by their own jealousies and pride. stellan recognizing (when it's essentially too late already) that the weight of their responsibilities, the tension and exhaustion from dealing with the nihil for so long, pitted them against each other. and they'll never get to apologize to each other for that, never get to make up for that time spent being angry with one another.

now onto my non-stellan and firebrands thoughts:

i would very kindly like to ask the authors to participate in the Leave Bell Zettifar Alone 2k24 Challenge. he's been through SO MUCH already, STOP hurting his feelings!!!!! i mean, it sounds like indeera will pull through, thank goodness. and there was a lot of emphasis on burryaga's body not being found and bell going to look for him, so i have a feeling burry might still be alive. but bell.....beautiful bell, please leave him alone. 

i am so happy with his development in this book though! i love a story about grief, so seeing bell still grieving loden (even though jedi are supposed to try and move past their grief) and working through that means a lot to me. when he saw burry grieving for nib, and was able to see his grief reflected outside himself in his friend, he was then able to take the next steps towards processing his own grief. and he was able to help burry, and also start believing in himself again, and that was just so special. i can't wait to see what bell does next (next to the firebrands he is absolutely my fave character)

claudia gray did an excellent job with the atmosphere of fear in this book. i was genuinely anxious half this book, worrying about what would happen next. and like, i knew stellan was going to die. but then for regald, nib, AND orla to die as well???? (possibly burry, but i think he might still be alive). i think part of what worked so well is that we didn't see the fear-creatures AT ALL. we only saw how the jedi reacted to them, and leaving it up to the readers' imagination, and only knowing that the jedi are afraid and that the force feels wrong, it was so so effective. 

also shout-out to star wars authors for making me care about random side characters in the span of like a paragraph, and then killing them. that scene with the temple on chespea that got completely destroyed by the nihil, and the jedi master told her padawan to call coruscant, "and tell them we're under attack?" "Tell them we are gone." like WTF???????? made me tear up ngl. even just the description of the top half of starlight crashing and burning was so intense, and those kind of hopeless moments, all the authors have done a really incredible job with so far. you can feel the devastation. 

overall, even though this book hurt me deeply, i really loved it! i have so many more thoughts on the firebrands that will come later. (tbh, i haven't even processed my feelings about the elzar and avar content we got, bc i can ONLY think about stellan and his and elzar's relationship rn. but trust that i will have plenty to say about elzar and avar later on too).  

(p.s. i'm always open for asks/messages if anyone wants to talk about these books <3)

[kirkenovak]

Dream decides to get married; Hob was right - he admits to him one evening- he is lonely, had been for a very long time and spending ~130 years stuck in a glass cage in some dude’s basement had not helped with this one bit. One might argue it made things worse.

And so, Dream of the Endless, embarks upon a quest to find a wife. Well, I say “embark upon a quest”, more like sits on his throne while an endless line of eligible bachelorettes present themselves to him, like it’s some Ye Olde Tinder and Dream is continuously swiping left.

Hob is… not impressed. He implores Dream to change his method of selection because world’s longest yikes, at least spend some time with your potential brides? Find out what they’re like before you reject them? Clearly the good old fashioned method of Ill See Her And Know She’s The One For Me is not working. Frankly, that’s the same advice that Lucienne and Matthew give him.

Dream gets an idea. He enlists Hob to help him find the future Mrs Of The Endless, because after all, who better than his best friend, to sieve through all these candidates? To know what he’s looking for? To advise him, to support him, to be his literal best man?

Hob spends then next several months helping Dream find his queen. Ok, I say queen but at this point they agree they have to cast the net a bit wider. Goddesses and fairy princesses and nymphs are nice of course, but we’re talking about finding The One for Dream! Also the pool of candidates has quickly dried out so to speak Imagination is the limit!!

And so, any supernatural being that believes they could impress Dream enough to have him propose, takes a chance; from the most beautiful beings of grace and beauty so radiant that just looking at them makes Hob cry, to the most terrifying demons from the deepest, darkest pits of hell, handpicked by Lucifer herself. Outer Gods whose eldritch shapes would cause instant madness in Hob if Dream’s power didn’t protect him. Old Ones so unperceivable to human eye that Hob simply… fails to perceive them. All shapes, all genders, all pantheons. It seems a bit too much for one human but he made a promise to Dream, he will not fail him, Dream will find love, even if it will literally kill Hob.

Alas, every single candidate Hob presents to Dream thinking they may be a suitable match, has something wrong with them; Apollo is too prideful, and frankly, a bit of a dick *coughspotkettlecoughs* The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young has a family that loves to interfere, Formless Oedon wants an open marriage, Onoskelis is probably only here at the orders of Lucifer, to help her take over Dreaming, vampire queen doesn’t understand that Dream’s job comes first, Akkorokamui seems too clingy. Etc etc etc at infinitum

[Calliope joins the chat

Calliope: Hey guys!

Calliope: what’s happening in the dreaming??

Hob: We’re looking for a wife for Dream!

Calliope:

Calliope has left the chat]

Yet, every step of the way, no matter how many candidates Dream rejects, Hob is there for him, cheering him up when he’s down, making him laugh when he’s upset, always promising that they’ll find someone; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.

Months, nay YEARS pass and then one day Dream asks Hob to present the next candidate and Hob says… there’s none. There’s no one left. There’s no being in this vast, endless cosmos that Dream hasn’t consider and then rejected.

Dream is, frankly, devastated. So all this in vain, huh? No one to be at Dream’s side no matter what? No one to love him the way he is? No one who understands him, knows him, yet chooses to stay despite his many many many faults? No one he can trust? No one who…. Oh wait a minute!

Turns out the real wife was the Hob we made along the way.

Hob and Dream: guys. Guys. We have something to tell you. We know it will come as a bit of a shock, frankly, we’re still trying to comprehend is ourselves, but turns out we are super in love and getting married?!?!

Matthew, Lucienne, Death, Rose Walker, The Corinthian, Lucifer, Desire, Constantine: /sarcasm oh that is shocking and unexpected indeed! /end sarcasm

[pet-genius]

Obsession or Love?

Here's a (lightly edited) reddit post I had way too many opportunities to copy/paste, in my humble opinion a successful refutation of the idea that Snape's love for Lily was obsessive:

Let's end this obsession theory forever.

We have three interactions between Snape and Lily from the time they're not children. In one, he says they're "supposed to be friends", and she confirms. Interestingly, she does accuse him of obsessing - over Potter and his mates, so not over her. In interaction 2, he calls her a mudblood, in interaction 3, he attempts to apologize. At no point does he ask her out or say she owes him anything or act entitled to her affection, unless apologizing is an act of entitlement (if you think so, I am sorry for you). Further, Harry goes through his potions book with a fine tooth comb, and nowhere does he find a scribble of her initials or anything like that.

Sirius and Lupin, meanwhile, as adults, never say Snape tried to pursue Lily or stalked her, or that they ever spoke, including in the context of listing reasons why Snape was jealous of James. You KNOW they would have. When Lily asked him to, Snape left her alone.

Then she is put in the crossfire because of Snape's actions. Well, wanting someone not to die is not obsessive. I know people read a lot into Dumbledore's "you disgust me" comment, but that comment only proves that Dumbles is manipulative.

Then she dies anyway. Snape is feeling expressly suicidal, as many non-obsessive people do when someone they love dies and it's their fault. Dumbledore leverages his guilt into recruiting him to spy. He proceeds to keep his love/"obsession" a secret from everyone but Dumbles for 17 years, and in fact talks a lot about James, so it still looks like his "obsessions" are toward those he hates.

People say the "always" line is obsessive. Nope. If Dumbles had to ask "after all this time", then clearly Snape very much shut up about Lily, even when speaking to him. It's said in response to Dumbledore's explanation that Harry must die, which Snape perceives as a betrayal of his deepest motivation - protection, as opposed to vengeance.

People say it's obsessive that he stole the letter and the picture. Having one lousy souvenir of a dead loved one isn't obsessive. Needing something to give you the strength to keep going when you've just killed your only ally and mentor, a kind of talisman to remind you why you're putting yourself through all this pain, is not obsessive. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks in these terms, honestly. As for tearing the photo up, ofc he won't walk around with a picture of James. This isn't symbolically tearing apart the Potter family, as protecting its legacy is Snape's literal mission in life. This interpretation is patently absurd. Ofc he won't carry a letter that says "dear Padfoot." So in summation: no behavioral evidence of obsession in his behavior, only of love, remorse, guilt, and grief.

Magical evidence: the Patronus is a symbol of positive feelings, not obsession, unless Harry was obsessed with his dead dad and wanted to bang him, which is perhaps a creative interpretation but not an entirely accurate representation of Harry's feelings. Harry's stag was a representation of his inspiration and ideals and values, just like Snape's Doe. Further: Snape managed to hide his "obsession" from a mindreader, Voldemort. Obsessions are something you can't control by definition. You KNOW Voldy questioned him about that, probably in a way that involved torture, since Snape asked him to spare her, thus directly causing to Voldemort's first downfall. When Harry occludes Voldy successfully for the first time, it is at a moment of grief, guilt and love - over Dobby. Was Harry obsessed with Dobby? No. He felt responsible for the little guy's death though (and guilty and indebted, most likely). Snape's unequaled talent for occlumency should prove that he loved and grieved Lily, which is precisely the thing Voldy can't access and understand.

The author herself denied that Snape was obsessive, but frankly, even if she had said he was, what she wrote is very different. It also makes no sense that the big reveal and Voldy's downfall are because of some obsessive incel who wanted to bang Lily, in a CHILDREN'S BOOK about the power of love. Interpretations that don't completely undermine and contradict the central themes and messages are typically preferred.

Let's stop talking about the supposed obsession forever and instead wonder why some fans cannot wrap their heads around any explanation of anything that isn't gross and irrelevant.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Mature and responsible characters yet rook comes off as the opposite. If you can't tell I would like to know why you love rook so much as he deviates from your usual mature responsible body guard type, the only thing that fits is that ugly haircut

[Referencing this post and this post!]

L i s t e n

I will fight to the bitter death to defend the huntsman’s honor/j 😤

I don’t believe that Rook is “the opposite” of mature and responsible. Sure, he initially comes off as silly and as someone to not be taken seriously, but I think it’s false to say that he isn’t “mature and responsible”. When it comes down to it, he really is wise and dependable, and serves as a good mentor and a protector to others. Rook just so happens to express those qualities in unconventional ways and with a very different personality compared to what we typically think of as a “mature and responsible” character (ie the “big brother”, “dad” “butler”, “bodyguard”, “student council president”, “smart anime glasses man” types, etc).

In reality, Rook is every bit as wise and as dependable as any other upperclassman! He’s the first to support others and to bring up their positive traits even when they don’t see it for themselves; this is most notably seen in episode 5, in which Rook offers pep talks to his juniors (mostly Deuce and Epel) who are struggling to keep up with their VDC training and in Happy Beans Day, when Rook speaks highly of Trey’s skills and experience even when Trey downplays himself. Rook is keenly aware of others’ strengths and weaknesses, and he makes the active decision to support those strengths and how they develop. Recall that it was also Rook that coaxed Epel through the discovery of his unique magic in episode 6, which allowed Epel to take command of it and get them out of a tight pinch. Then, as we see in Glorious Masquerade, Rook takes great pride in seeing the people he has supported blossom and come into their own; he rejoices in Epel’s masterful use of his unique magic and says that he must share the story with their dorm leader upon their return.

Another thing that makes Rook responsible in an odd way is how he decides to take action; he tends to act in very roundabout ways or he plans that involve thinking ahead rather than solve problems head-on. For example, Rook doesn’t tell Vil outright that he needs to be less vain and to accept himself regardless of how the public perceives him; instead, Rook, knowing how headstrong Vil is, suggests that Vil selects Adeuce and Scarabia for the VDC team. Rook believes that exposure to this group is the most positive thing that can be done for Vil given the current circumstances; this is Rook’s way of trying to be responsible for looking after his dear friend and dorm leader without outright shutting down Vil’s hopes and dreams.

Something else I want to point out is that Vil, someone who has extremely high standards for both himself and for others, wouldn’t have picked Rook to serve as his vice dorm leader if he didn’t have faith in him and his abilities. And, indeed, we’ve seen many instances in which Rook fulfills his duties as Vil’s second-in-command to a T. He has had to oversee Pomefiore in Vil’s absence both in the main story and in events (when Vil was kidnapped in episode 6/Ghost Marriage/Endless Halloween Night), reassuring panicked students about Vil’s absence and even figuring out a plan of rescue. Rook was even planning to save Vil all by himself in the main story (until Yuu and Epel demanded he take them with him); he knows when to take bold action, and what lengths he must go to to save and to protect those he cares about. This is arguably much more “dependable” of Rook to do when compared to like... Trey (the TWST character we most likely think of as “dependable” due to the “big brother” tropes he is usually associated with), who stood by and let his dorm leader rampage and unjustly punish several students. While I don’t fault Trey for acting in the way he did (it makes total sense given his history), it just goes to show that just slapping a label on a character doesn’t define their entire existence, whether for Rook, for Trey, or for literally any other character. There will always be instances in which they contradict those labels, or, in cases like Rook, they demonstrate those labels in unorthodox or hard to pinpoint ways.

... Okay, now with that analytical defense out of the way 🤡 I just want to say that Rook 100% has the capability to be a decent butler/bodyguard (ugh, my favorites) between his uncanny attention to detail and his seemingly superhuman senses and strength. But even more appealing than that is just how he’s just so weird at the same time???? I really like characters that can keep me guessing and on my toes... basdfyoasdasbdaAND NOT TO MENTION 😔 I have a weak spot for characters that think first before acting or reacting with violence (which is a laaaarge part of the reason why I much prefer Jade to Floyd).

SIDE NOTE: I know that I joked before about how I like anime men with ugly haircuts, but that’s only technically HALF true, because I think Trey has an ugly haircut as well but he doesn’t appeal to me at all.

All that aside, I’m also allowed to like multiple different tropes!! I’m not beholden to enjoy only one type of character. (This is true for everyone else too; no one should be expected to just like one thing.) A lot of the other TWST characters that rank high on my tier list definitely don’t classify as mature and/or responsible 😂 and likewise, there are many characters that are mature and responsible that don’t rank highly.

Certain personality traits alone aren’t the sole determining factors; I know my own trends and tastes, but I try to consider characters as a whole before deciding how I feel about them.

[marypsue]

I only watched the first four episodes of season four and have only the vaguest notion of what happens in the rest of it. And I've been told that I misread what was going on and that that's not where the plot was going. But.

I cannot get over the wasted potential of not having Vecna's Curse target, specifically, people who feel guilt over being responsible for another person's death. (Even though they're not, actually, responsible.)

Like. Apparently what was going on with Chrissy was an eating disorder. I misread the coding on that hard in the early episodes, and thought that she'd recently been to Chicago to see Jane. And if she had...apparently Jason was also super religious? If Chrissy had had an abortion, because they'd been having sex, then that makes a whole thematic reinforcement to his hypocrisy and whatever half-baked point the show sort of made gestures at making about the Satanic Panic.

Then there's Fred and his friend. Whatsisface in Pennhurst, the older Creel, and the baby in the house he ordered the bombing on. Max and Billy. Nancy and Barb. (Hell, Steve and Barb if you really want to play to your audience.) You could even use that to tie in the adults' storyline - we haven't heard about Hopper's guilt over Sara in a minute!

And all of that would dovetail nicely into motive. Because apparently "Vecna" is, in fact, Henry Creel, is in fact Experiment 001? Who [something something something] psychic powers [something something] horrific child abuse [something something something] massacre at the Hawkins lab [something something] Always Chaotic Axe-Crazy?

But it would make so much sense for a child who'd been ripped from his family, survived awful mistreatment in the name of the greater good, and been witness to the deaths of other kids just like him due to the actions of people who didn't seem to care, who didn't seem to see it as their fault, to be lashing out at anybody he perceived to be like those people.

It would have made sense. It would have been a reason. It would have drawn a throughline from the Big Bad's motivation through to Our Heroes and their actions. It would have given them so much room to work with consequences of the earlier seasons coming back to bite Our Heroes, and could have gone in some really good directions about exploring survivor's guilt and whether these characters really were responsible for any of the deaths they take as their responsibility. And also about institutional hurt and how sometimes, people who have no other option and no way to reach the people who actually hurt them will just aim their pain at anyone in reach, anyone who looks enough like the person who hurt them if you squint and hold your tongue just right, and how, to make actual change against the systems that hurt people, we all need to keep in mind who the real enemy is. It could have been so good.

[oven-thermometer]

Remember your sfw ABC's? You did one for War and Strife from what I remember. Could you do one for Samael? Just curious, would like to know what you come up with.

a/n: i havent written in a good long while and have never written for samael properly before lmao - got a bit short at the end bc I did this all in one day

w/c: 3kish

warnings: fluff, little bit of angst, possessive behavior, stalking?, not beta’d

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Samael’s love language is definitely gift giving, with quality time coming in at a close second. He will spoil you with the finest gifts from every realm he can sink his claws into. With certain things he’s given you, you’re not quite sure of the origin and you’re not sure you want to know. Expect lots of little trinkets and huge presents based on every bit and bob or magical relic – if it’s rare and beautiful you’re gonna get it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The one reason he’d call someone a ‘friend’ or even an ‘ally’, they’d have to be useful. Either they have something he wants, needs them for connections or they are a powerful force he could use to his own advantage. That is how he would probably ever try to win you anyone over with friendship. He would try to make you swoon with gifts and worm his way into your close inner circle of friends. Further into your actual friendship with him, will he realise that he might actually enjoy having you around.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

I know I said his main love languages are gifts and quality time, but why can’t those be given in the form of a few hours of cuddling? It’s an honour he even lets you this close to him, so his hugs and late night cuddles should be enough of a gift as well! In all seriousness, he loves being close with you. Even if he is a titan compared to you, he’ll tuck you between his huge, warm hands and hold you close to his face or chest. Whenever he shifts in his sleep you’re also completely at the mercy of wherever his hands fling you, sorry. And if you think about getting up or trying to pry yourself out of his death grip, you’re sorely mistaken – he will not let you go.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He has servants to do literally everything for him, so why would he ever feel the need to prepare a meal or even clean his demonic castle? Has never had to do anything traditionally ‘domestic’ in his long life and probably never will. If you find cooking and cleaning cathartic, then he likely won’t stop you – he’ll just stare on while you prepare him traditional human dishes or clean a small portion of the castle. He might not understand why domestic things are fun to you, but he likes watching you do them, it brings him peace. In terms of settling down, that probably also wouldn’t ever happen. For now he solely focused on growing his empire and ensuring both of your futures.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Would literally throw you out of his kingdom and wouldn’t ever acknowledge you again lol. I’d like to say he’d be nice about it and all – but he would not. If you’ve served your purpose or made him bored he would boot you out with little to no remorse. If you ever try to contact or find him again, he’d feel basically nothing and cut you off. He has things to do and if you get in the way too much that is your fault – not his.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Demons have no form of marriage or solid commitment so the idea would be entirely foreign to him – not that he wouldn’t be interested. As you explain what marriage is and how it’s usually perceived to be this ‘final destination’ of a relationship, he’s even more keen to learn about it. In Samael’s mind, marrying is just another symbol to display his devotion to you – it’s a status symbol of affection to him. Marriage isn’t something he wants to get done immediately but he wants you two to be tied to each other indefinitely – and if marrying you means he gets to keep you for eternity he will see to it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Not at all. He won’t intentionally physically hurt you, but sometimes accidents happen – he’ll forget your stature and pick you up too enthusiastically, or even set you down too harshly. He’ll reprimand himself silently if you make him aware of how hurt you are, and make it up to you with a mountain of enchanting gifts because this man is incapable of apologising with words. Emotionally, he is also pretty rough. Samael doesn’t mind poking fun at you and teasing you in every conversation you two have – but please, be his guest and return the favour. When you return his banter and give him just as much sass as he gives you he will be ecstatic. He loves your playful arguments – they’re so fun to him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

In front of others or outside of cuddling while sleeping, he doesn’t really like hugs. Sure, he’ll pick you up and put you on his shoulder to carry you around as he goes about his day, but in front of his soldiers or allies that is as much as you’re getting. He’s very open with other people about your relationship but he’ll never show it publicly. In private though, he loves having your tiny hands cling to him while he’s working. Overseeing battle plans? You’re sitting on the desk fiddling with his hands to annoy him. Lazing around the throne room? He has you right there next him hugging to his arm.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Do demons know what love is? I think they understand the concept and why it’s needed to further a race or to keep romantic relationships intact – although out of that they don’t see a use for it. Samael was the same for the large majority of his life. He’d had relationships and many partners before you, but they were all to gain something or were purely instinctual on his part. Although with you, something feels different. Every now and again he gets this odd, aching in his chest when you are absent. When you are near him, he feels at ease and, warm? Strange, he lives in a castle flowing with lava and radiates pure heat himself like a forge, but it is a different kind of warmth. Perhaps he is cursed – but nonetheless he feels the need to bring it up to you, how damn perplexing.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Samael is extremely possessive and jealous. It comes with the territory of dating a demon unfortunately, that’s what you should’ve expected. He already only lets a select few into his castle, and that number drastically decreased once you entered the scene. He respects you but to him you are still a fragile mortal that can be taken from him at any moment. Only the most trusted soldiers in his army or allies are allowed near you, and are very seldom even allowed to be left alone with you. He will do anything to protect you, he will see to it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Technically, with the size difference you two have, it’s always quite an odd scene when you two share a kiss. You can easily kiss his cheek or give him a peck on the lips – even if he’s massive compared to you. Although when he feels like returning your affection he has some troubles. Kissing you directly is slightly awkward so a lot of the times he settles for gently kissing your hand or nuzzling his cheek against you! The latter happens very rarely though, Samael has to be feeling especially loving for that to happen.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Very indifferent to them. Doesn’t mind them as long as they don’t interrupt his work but if they start getting too close to him and spewing those incessantly annoying screams he will either banish them or leave without a word. If you have a child, little sibling or a small spawn you take care of – he will try his best to behave. He will greet them but stay clear of their path. Samael sees all children as annoying and inconsequential. He understands their role in the ‘natural order’ and that you were both children, although that doesn’t make their presence any less irritating. If any child ever manages to somehow reach him he will likely ignore their cries for attention. Basically he doesn’t care for them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Time passes in odd way his Samael’s realm – and odd mixture of night and day that never seems to end. You yourself have never seen much of anything that resembles weather, clouds, or even a sun or moon or stars. The sky is simply eternally glowing with a firey hue, and this seems to be sufficient in lighting the world for it’s inhabitants. And although Samael rarely needs to sleep himself, he indulges your body’s routine of needing sleep every few hours. When you wake, you can often find Samael either looking out of the window over his kingdom, or at you. He gently carries you to his desk and begins on his important work that he missed. You often fall back asleep during this morning routine, not that he minds.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Similarly, he sits you down and attempts to be near you during your night routine, with a few snarky comments and impatient groans. As you finish what you for some reason deem important to do before falling asleep, he scoops you up and holds you in his impressive palm. All protests from you fall on deaf ears as he sits down and gets comfortable, waiting for you to do the same. Samael often reprimands you for complaining during this, “You are the one who wanted to sleep. So sleep, human.” Left with little to no room for argument, you have no choice but to settle down – but after a while his naturally warm skin and constant deep rumbles lull you to sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

In a new relationship, he reveals very little. While courting you he tells you the bare minimum about himself and his plans – simply in fear of you turning on him and using it all against him. Over time though, Samael will learn to trust your words of promise to never betray him. Lifetimes lived being a ruler over powerful demons has trained him to set his secrets and his heart around a stone shield. But eventually he will start revealing small aspects of something resembling a personality beyond arrogance and evil.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Do I even nee to answer this? His patience is as brittle as a frozen sheen of water on a lake. The wrong misstep from anyone causes fits of rage. As many times as you’ve walked in on him throwing gigantic pieces of furniture around rooms or heard roars of anger at his subordinates from across the castle, he always returns his composure as soon as you are within his sights. He has snapped at you before, but never to the extent you’ve seen him go off at others. With you he will simply leave the room or huff and stay silent for days – that is the extent of his anger towards you for anything. Otherwise, he will keep his composure in front of you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Will only ask you questions about yourself further into the relationship. At first, his interest was surface level – but soon he felt compelled to know what you thought of everything and just what made you tick. Will use this to his advantage when ordering his scouts to find you gifts and WILL gloat about it too. Boasts about what a good gift-giver he his and how attentive he is. The worst part is you can’t even argue with him about it. Ever present he graces you with is always given a the right time with the correct perception. Honestly you’re getting suspicious that he’s reading your mind sometimes.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It seem shallow, but he doesn’t care in the slightest. Samael’s favourite moment with you that he thinks of often when you two are apart, is when you two first laid eyes on each other. Rather, it was when he first laid eyes on you because he saw you coming from a world away and will never forget the sight laid before him. Your gorgeous face instantly drew him in, with your soothing voice intriguing him. From that day on he swore he would do anything to have you, the fact that your personality below all that only added to his growing affection for you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

It’s a mixture of pure instincts to protect you and a general state of pettiness. He loves your entire being and knows that any creature would surely do anything to have you – thus he genuinely believes he is simply keeping you safe by his side. He always goes with you everywhere and if he can’t go, he has someone he trusts accompany you. A lot of the time this can feel suffocating so he lets you go on your own when you need your space – or so you think. He may or may not have given you a piece of jewellery to wear that he can keep an eye on you with…

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

We’ve discussed gifts, but dates and anniversaries are another conversation. You would never guess that all of those hours he spends pouring himself over his carved stone desk and ancient scrolls, he is occasionally planning special outings for you two. Whether it’s a trip to a realm you’ve always admired or a special dish he needs to kidnap a human chef to make, he doesn’t care. That unmistakeable glint of appreciation in your eye and endless ‘thank you’s always get to him. Again, not that you’d know it, as he simply scoffs and turns away.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Samael does respect that you are a person with your own mind, and lets you speak your mind and express your opinions. Although, many times his possessive nature can rub you the wrong way. It can feel suffocating at times. Whenever you also try to bring it up to him, he simply brushes you off and blames it on your poor mortal mind not being able to wrap around the necessity of keeping you safe and away from those that might harm you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not much at all. The strong horns decorating his face and deep scars gashed into his rough skin are only markers for his lineage and victories he displays proudly. He would be idiotic to be ashamed of his war trophies. Although, sometimes he simply can’t help but feel slightly self-conscious for his metal side. Yes, scars can be maps of battles won, but his metal side only serves to remind him of a bitter defeat. It is the one part of his appearance that Samael can’t stand to loo at sometimes.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

His life certainly would be…different. The halls of his castle wouldn’t be filled with your enchanting voice or your amusing laughter. The banter that makes him feel at ease would be absent. His kingdom might not run very differently if you weren’t present – he would still be a demon lord after all. But Samael cannot help but feel slightly lonely even at the thought of never being able to feel you lay against his head as you sit on his shoulder or fall asleep without a care between his hands clutched to his chest. Yes, he ponders, he does think he prefers you around.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

If you ever get him a gift, even if it is something he probably already has stored away , he will cherish it and set it among his most prized possessions – not including you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone tame and quiet. He enjoys being challenged every day – whether if it’s by your wit or your pure drive to annoy him. It amuses Samael that this little creature can stand up to the likes of him, and is so is often impressed whenever you do. Humans who cower at the sight of him bore him and he’ll let them know it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Obviously doesn’t sleep that often, but when he does drift away while holding you against him, you can hear the slightest mumbles falling from his mouth in his sleep. The occasional snore or grunt will also be mixed in – although more often than not you find yourself lying awake, watching the rise and fall of his large chest and listening to the utterly adorable mutterings of nonsensical words or phrases he lets slip out from his dreams. Until now, your favourite is still: “angels are just like moths…” small chuckle “stupid moth people…”

[tibby]

hi i know you like to talk about chainshipping and lawrence (saw), ive gained so much more appreciation for him and adam because of it. i think youre really smart and i love seeing you dig into this content. i wanted to know if you have anything to say about hoffman’s lore/development/etc? his relationship with john, his relationship with the other two apprentices, anything to say about hoffstrahm? id love to hear it all

sure! i’m glad you enjoy my lawrence/adam/chainshipping thoughts, and i will admit that i’m far more fond of them than i am of hoffman, so i’ve spent a lot more time thinking about them than him. so my thoughts i less coherent and this may reflect that, so apologies!

i think with hoffman, there are two very big things to take into account with his character (three if you count his tits): he’s a bad person. and the films did a bad job with him. my friend kief did a good job with exploring some of the narrative failures here, particularly in regards to hoffman in the final chapter. he cares way more about hoffman than i do, so i suggest checking that out.

anyway. i think saw v does a very good job of establishing hoffman's character, and it’s something that the later two films drop the ball on. i don’t think we get enough of him in iv to make much judgements there, outside of knowing that he….exists and is an apprentice. v is really the movie where we get to learn anything about him, and i think the movie does a good job of laying the groundwork for the narrative of this guy with a tragic backstory who initially performs iin justified ways, before going off the rails entirely.

there’s a lot to be said about hoffman later in his arc (most of it not good), we’re meant to believe that it’s his sister’s death that breaks him. and i’ve always thought that it makes sense that it breaks him. i can’t imagine how i’d respond if someone i loved was murdered and then their killer got away with a little more than a slap on the wrist. and this isn’t even taking into account that it’s quite possible he basically raised angelina - she’s 25 when she dies, and hoffman is in his early 40s when he gets recruited by john 5+ years later. there’s at least a decade between them, and john’s comment of “she was your only family” + the different surnames suggests a….complicated at best family situation. 

so hoffman’s sister is murdered, her killer walks free after five years, he develops a drinking problem, loses faith in the system he built his career upon (which. the justice system being a corrupt failure isn’t news to a lot of people, but that’s clearly not an intended part of the movie’s narrative, so.) the jigsaw case presents him with the opportunity to kill seth baxter, and he gets away with it. but his response to the act and his paranoia in the aftermath (made worse by john’s letter) suggests that it wasn’t something he *enjoyed.* killing seth doesn’t bring back angelina, and it just makes him a murderer.

and then he ends up under the control of john. john, who has a talent for preying on the apprentices for their perceived failures, punishing them for it, and then putting them in situations that exacerbate their faults. john views hoffman as a violent killer for what he did to seth, and his response? take hoffman under his wing as his murder and torture apprentice. and it’s this where hoffman’s love of violence, thrill of playing god, and distaste for the lives of others really begins, and it escalates very quickly.

hoffman starts to love violence and the ability to punish those that he views as “undeserving.” and while some of his victims deserve what they get (ivan, the nazis from 3d), he’s not just punishing bad people. he wants power, and he wants control, and he’ll take down anyone that is in his way. strahm, perez, john, jill, amanda - they’re either undeserving or they don’t learn, and they all threaten his position, so they have to go.

what’s interesting about hoffman to me is that there’s enough there to do varied interpretations of him had someone interfered before he went over the brink. by my own admittance, jigsquad hoffman is notably largely different to canon hoffman - and a majority of that is based in adam being there and pointing out that. well. hey. what john is doing to you is bad. don’t lose your humanity to this man. and therefore changing the narrative. adam (unknowingly) stops hoffman from losing his mind to blood and violence entirely, and also ends up shifting his perspective on certain people and things (namely amanda). i know a few au interpretations see amanda fulfilling the angelina role in hoffman’s life, and it’s something that i think can be done well for both characters in certain situations.

HOWEVER. that kind of stuff only works within an au. strictly operating within canon, if hoffman compares amanda to angie at all, it’s not in a positive light. he doesn’t think highly of amanda and views her as someone who doesn’t appreciate her life due to her struggles with drugs and mental illness, and decides she deserves to die in the most painful way possible for it. to him, amanda is a worthless junkie who is wasting her life when his own sister is dead. his grief does not excuse his misogyny and his ableism and his violence and his love of power.

so. when it comes to his relationship with the others involved in team jigsaw, they’re not good. he hates john for blackmailing and controling him. he thinks very poorly of amanda, to the point he decides she should die for it. he hates jill for playing the game better than him, and kills her for it (with a heaping of the misogyny that 3d is riddled with). it’s not really possible to view his relationship with lawrence in canon, mainly because there’s nothing really there. given his response to the lawrence reveal, i think it’s safe to assume hoffman never knew he was an apprentice at all. so that’s that.

as for hoffstrahm….never has there ever been a more fitting description of “this person is my mirror and i loathe them for it.” while strahm adamantly refuses to acknowledge their similarities because he won’t confront what that says about him, hoffman is fully aware and he sees strahm as either: his perfect ally, or his greatest enemy. hoffman gives strahm chances to join him, or at least *understand* him: he only gets water cubed because he doesn’t just stay in the fucking room, both he and perez follow the steps of rigg’s failed recruitment, and the glass coffin. unlike most of the other people hoffman kills, strahm dies because he refuses to *listen* and play by the rules. he didn’t want to understand hoffman and their two sides of the same coin dynamic, so he gets killed for it. @romanromulus once said something about saw v being a story about the death of hoffman’s humanity, and his relationship with strahm being his last attempt to hold onto it:

(screenshot courtesy of my beloved kiefer)

so. hoffman goes from someone grieving and struggling with addiction to a remorseless, brutal killer who loses touch with his humanity. it’s an interesting story, and one i think v sets up quite well. unfortunately  i don’t think vi or vii follow up on it very well, and it feels like they traded in a potentially compelling arc to having this Badass Character. which is a shame, because i think as awful as hoffman is, they could have done a lot more than him. we all joke about him being stupid and he absolutely has his moments, but he does occasionally play the game well. he’s deeply out of touch with his own emotions but able to understand others and anticipate their next moves, and he was able to construct the pendulum by himself. one of hoffman’s biggest problems (not including his personality) is the fact that even though he’s good at putting plans into motion, he doesn’t know what to do when things don’t go his way. vi is the perfect example of this: his plan to frame strahm quickly falls apart, and he responds by….setting fire to a police station and doing what he was told didn’t work earlier? stupidity, and just irrational, panicked behaviour.

anyway! all this to say is that hoffman objectively sucks, but there was a good story there, he’s someone with limitless au potential, and the films could have done his story a lot better.  and boy. are his tits fat.

[kaponebi]

Vanessa and representation in Fablehaven

What is representation? Why is it important?

Representation in books for young people is important for many reasons that I don't need to explain because they are quite obvious.

A young person needs to be represented in order to feel understood, even more so if they belong to certain discriminated ethnic groups, if they had any kind of problems that can hinder daily life, or if they are of a different sexual orientation.

Being diverse when creating one's work allows one to reduce the stigma of these groups, pretending as if they don't exist.

But sometimes, however, for authors, especially older ones, being diverse doesn't work out so well. At least in the good, not harmful, way.

In slightly older TV series, books, films, some hurtful stereotypes are repeated despite their efforts to be diverse.

There may be Asian characters, indigenous peoples of America, homosexual or wheelchair-bound.

An Asian character knows kung fu or karate. The Native American is strongly connected to nature and wears feathers in his hair. A homosexual behaves and looks like a girl if he is gay or like a boy if he is lesbian. A person in a wheelchair is a genius and must be dragged everywhere by the rest.

These are recurring patterns in books for young people because this is how pop culture portrays these people.

If these examples don't seem hurtful to you, I'll present another one that might speak to you.

(That's the example I gave in the Polish version)

How would you feel if every Pole in a book or movie was a stupid donkey drinking too much alcohol?

(Example for the English community, mostly Americans)

How would you feel if every American was someone overwaighted, stupid and always talking about... I don't know... Some eagle and freedom stuff.

It's not the nicest thing to do, and that's how Poland is perceived by pop culture.

(In films they try making the USA seem badass and all so I'm not counting it here)

Representation in Fablehaven

Representation in Fablehaven is an interesting topic.

People of different colours and curves appear through which one does not feel discrimination in this area.

You can accuse Brandon of lack of LGBT+ representation, but let me justify this by saying that then he could not have published the book in countries that censor these topics (e.g.: Russia).

True, he could have created a queer coded character, but he didn't, and I think we can forgive him for that as he also never mentioned anything negative about this community.

Let's just hope he doesn't do like J.K. Rowling who waited until the end of the series and Dumbledore's death to reveal the fact that he was gay.

However, there has never been a character who was an invalid.

In the fourth volume, Vanessa loses her eyesight. In a stupid way, yes, but she loses it. She is officially blind, and I consider her disability a good thing.

Brandon has made one of the main characters a blind person and has prepared the field for a great example of representation.

Vanessa is a strong, "badass" character, and she's very appreciated.

Not only that, the fact that she can't see adds to her character development allowing blind listeners of the audiobook to identify with one of the cooler characters in the series, perhaps their favorite.

It allows such people to feel more normal, not like overgrown children who need to have everything done for them all the time.

For the beginning of my writing in English I chose a shorter text so I can translate it with ease.

English is not my first or even second language so I am aware that it is not perfect.

Please be kind and if you see a fault, inform me in the comments.

I also gently ask to not spoil me the last tom of Dragonwatch because I didn't read it yet. If you want say something and it contains spoilers I would be gratefull if you ad a big "SPOILERS" at the top of your comment.

Thank you for reading and the warm responses I got in my last post.

Greetings friends and to the next time.

[necrobeast]

The Golden Hearted

Wendigo: Armando “Mando” Rivera

Describe your character’s personality.

He is very much idealistic, friendly and hopeful, although he struggles with who he is. He also carries a guilt, shame and sorrow about him. He does like to have fun and very much perceives people in Creation Peaks as his extended family. He is humble and the type to go without so others don’t have to.

What is your character like in relationships?

He has never been in a romantic/sexual relationship since he has vowed not to reproduce and can’t commit to non-wendigos. 

Are they clingy?

He could be.

Faithful or unfaithful?

Faithful. 

Do they jump from one relationship to the other?

He wishes.

What kind of things does your character like?

Family, smoking weed, feeding those he loves, comics, dancing salsa & bachata. 

What do they dislike?

Being hunted for something he can’t help. Himself. Anyone who threatens his family or his extended family for that matter. 

How does your character treat their friends and family?

He is caring and attentive to those he love, willing to sacrifice himself to merely see them smile. 

How about strangers?

Mando is polite and friendly. 

Enemies?

It depends on why they are enemies. While Mando can come off as a coward and a non-confrontational, depending on his hunger and if his family is harmed or disrespectful.

What kind of people does your character surround themselves with?

People who love and accept him, even when knowing exactly who he is.

Why?

As a wendigo, his biggest true craving is Love and Family, and a place to belong.  

Where was your character born?

Maroa, Venezuela.

Where have they lived since then?

He moved to Creation Peaks as a teenager and has lived there ever since.

Where is the place that they call home?

Creation Peaks.

Where does your character go when they are angry?

The woods or the graveyard.

What is your character’s biggest fear?

Losing control of his hunger and fully shifting.

Who have they told this to?

Brooke Carter & Betsa Vasquez.

Who would they never tell this to? Why?

Anyone who doesn’t know what his true nature is. He doesn’t really broadcast that he’s a wendigo.

Does your character have a secret?

Yes.

If so, what is it?

He’s a wendigo, so he needs to eat human/humanoid flesh to survive. He currently feeds himself and his family from dead bodies and is why he works at the local graveyard.

What makes your character laugh out loud?

Putting up a very friendly and happy facade regardless of his personal doubts, guilt, etc, almost anything can make Mando laugh. 

What makes them angry?

Getting hungry and having no supplies at home. His loved ones being threatened, disrespected or harmed.  

Has your character ever been in love?

He was in love with Brooke Carter for a long time, but has accepted they could never be together.

Have they ever had a broken heart?

He’s a wendigo, but also a good person so... yes.

Does your character have any flaws?

Yes.

What are they?

He hates himself which damages his self-esteem. He’s idealistic to a fault. 

And the final question, which is more for us Admins than anything else and possible plots in the future, which would never be put in play unless with your permission:

Would you as a mun be okay with the death of this character in play at some point?

Yes.

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Shinji Ikari

Y'all Hate Teens Round 2B

(cw parental abandonment, possession (?), strangulation, suicidal thoughts)

Eva is all about just how shitty it is for children to have the pressure of saving the world forced upon them. He is a traumatized boy who acts in a realistic way for someone of his age and in that situation but people hate him for being a coward when he is. Fourteen.

-

His mother died, his father abandoned him, he was guilted into being a child soldier by his dad wheeling out a severely injured girl. He's had to watch people he cares about get hurt, he's gone through intense physical and emotional suffering himself, but people keep going "Shinji's so whiny, why is he crying, just get in the robot Shinji"

-

Bro was abandoned by his dad after his mom died, and is only reunited with him so he can risk his life fighting bizarre alien monsters and getting repeatedly traumatized. He’s super depressed, awkward around the girls he likes, is forced to fight and harm one of his best friends, and when he finds a boy he likes is forced to kill him. Lots of people criticize his personality and his actions and his lack of desire to fight, but his responses are a product of everything that’s happened to him. He’s a flawed and complex character who gets a lot of shit from people who don’t understand the show.

-

So, you're Shinji Ikari.  You're 14, your mother is dead, you haven't seen your father in years, and you live alone, so you're understandably struggling with your mental health.  One day, your town is being attacked by an alien behemoth/nuked by government forces attacking said alien, and so your father sends a car to evacuate you to an underground shelter.  Of course, there's a catch.  After being taken to a chamber with a giant robot, your father then appears and tells you to pilot it and go fight the alien you were just running from.  Naturally, you refuse, and suddenly everyone is mad at you.

Alas, it wasn't just the control room that thought Shinji didn't measure up, but nearly the entirety of the real-world fandom.  Nearly everywhere you go, you can find someone deriding him for being selfish and cowardly, and having a poor response to having the fate of the world placed on his shoulders, in addition to his pre-existing depression, anxiety, and parental trauma.  The series was released in 1995, which was exactly the right time for Shinji suffering memes to become the foundation of anime internet culture.  Seriously, it goes deep.  Even his creators seem to think he's a bad character, as in pretty much every iteration of the series after the original, either his personality is changed to be more assertive, or he faces even more consequences for his perceived faults.

The real kicker is that there are plenty of moments in the original series that directly contradict the idea that Shinji is either selfish or cowardly!  For starters, although the reason he keeps piloting the EVA is a desire for purpose and approval, the reason he chose to start was because if he didn't, then Rei Ayanami, who had just suffered major injuries in a testing accident, would.  The first time he ran away due to panic, it was his self-loathing that brought him back, but the second time was because when his classmate was trapped in a rampaging EVA, his father remotely took control of his suit (which is connected to his nervous system, so it was more like puppeting his body) and forced him to nearly strangle his classmate to death.  However, the next time an Angel attacked, Shinji came back because he couldn't let everyone die if he could do something about it.  Although he is shy and submissive around his commanders and fellow pilots, Shinji's self-sacrificing nature drives him to incredible feats of reckless bravery in battle, putting himself in harm's way and attacking with alarming ferocity.  Shinji's guilt complex combined with his passive suicidality causes a lot of problems for both himself and the people around him, but to reduce him to a selfish coward misses the nuance of his character.

I provide the above paragraph not because Shinji needs any redeeming qualities to justify his trauma, but because the fact that he has multiple on-screen breakdowns and is vocal about his needs causes almost everyone to ignore his genuine strengths.  Even in sympathetic fix-it fics, Shinji is often treated as a flat protagonist with generic ""issues"", when in reality he is a whole cocktail of compelling character traits!  Yeah, he regularly breaks down under his stress!  He also refuses to give up, and not always for the right reasons!  His need to be a good pilot often causes a lot of problems!  Without him and his unique personality everyone would have died before the end of the series!  He puts almost everyone and everything before himself, except when he can't!  He loves his walkman!  He looks completely unassuming!  He's an absolute maniac!  He's the folding-chair guy!  He's Shinji Ikari!

Anyway, if you also love Shinji, this is your cue to go off in the notes.  The internet may be full of decades of misinformation, but we can stay strong!  There's no running away!