#something about the sign and the signifier and removing

[amarguerite]

The Barbie movie’s got me digging back into Roland Barthes

[makkir0ll]

between you and your husband, you were the one more…vocal about your love for him. leaving him sweet notes with doodles of the two of you in his lunch, ending all heartfelt messages with x’s, planting a big kiss on his cheek that he pretended to cringe at but in reality he looked forward to it everytime he left the house.

people would always come up to you, telling you that he doesn’t reciprocate his love with words and such and asking you how you dealt with it. truth be told it took a while for you to get used to but soon enough you began to see the signs.

it was the way that every time he got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom he would tuck your feet back into bed. the way he spent a solid twenty minutes cleaning your phone screen, and with furrowed brows as he placed your new screen protector on, making sure there were no bubbles. it was when you opened his wallet that you saw all the notes you wrote him saved in one pocket of his shitty leather wallet that was begging to be put to rest. it's the way when you come home after a long night out with your friends he takes his time undressing you, removing and placing your jewelry carefully on your bedside table and making sure to gently take off your makeup and of course do your skincare routine that he has memeorized. when he goes out and he spots a little something with your favorite character on it he buys it immediately, not bothering to look at the price tag because the way your eyes would light up when he brought home the little gift was worth more than a billion dollars to him.

it was when on your third month anniversary when the two of you were still dating, while the two of you sat down on the booth next to each other at a restaurant he held your hand and squeezed it three times. signifying the words, i love you. he knew he loved you from the start but was scared it was too soon to say it and this was his silent way of telling you so. and you picked up on it quickly when he started to do it more often.

and on your wedding day, as the two of you stand in front of all your loved ones and the officiator he says the most beautiful vows ever, telling you that "if death do us part then i hope to find you in every lifetime" and once he ended with that sentence, he squeezed your hand three times. i. love. you.

you always knew your husband loved you because his actions spoke a thousand words to you.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜

sigh. TSUKISHIMA FREAKING KEI!!!!!!!!, akaashi keiji (he writes notes back to you), KITA. SHINSUKE., iwaizumi hajime (30) athletic trainer, suna rintarou, USHIJIMA, kageyama tobio (squeezed your hand a lot when you started dating), MIYA OSAMU, sakusa kiyoomi, OH OH OH AONE!!,

[cripplecharacters]

Any tips for writing a disabled villain without making it seem like villainizing disabled people if that makes sense? My story has other characters including the protagonist that are disabled so I’m hoping this helps mitigate this some but I’m still fearful people will read it in that way.

Hey, thanks for the ask.

My main tips are going to be:

Don't tie the villain's motivations to their disability. For example, characters who are like "I lost my ability to walk and it made me so angry I became evil!" or "I was severely burnt and that was enough to make me hate everyone and be evil," or "Because I was born disabled I don't like anyone and want to be evil," or anything like that. These are pretty common in media, and they suck. Often they are also coupled with a cure narrative, or even a forcible cure narrative for people other than the villain.

Don't use their disability’s symptoms by themselves as a signifier of their villain-ness. Scars don’t make you look malicious, if they have prosthetics they don't need to put weapons in them, if they’re blind and their eyes have a visible difference that’s not a sign of them not caring, and the like. In media this also often means a villain wearing a masc to hide their facial differences, and them removing the mask is meant to make them look More Evil or More Ominous, but their facial difference is not what makes them a villain or at the very least it should not be.

Describe their disability’s signs and symptoms as neutral. It's not their Terrible Lack Of Walking, it's just they can't walk. It's not their Horrible Scarring, they just have scars. (I mention these conditions often because they pop up over and over again in media.)

For contrast, maybe they can have a similar disability to a character who isn’t a villain. This can send the message that it's not the disability, it's just that person who is a villain. While of course anyone can be an awful person, even disabled people, the overrepresentation of disability in awful characters makes it so that balance is necessary.

— mod sparrow

Hi, I 100% agree with Sparrow! Here's my two cents specifically about visibly disabled villains;

If you decide to make your villain's disability visible, have equally-or-preferably-more visibly disabled heroes as well. Example of what I see fairly often is "the hero has a cool and badass scar through the eye, while the villain has a major craniofacial condition, or a very large burn scar which is scary and ugly" - this sucks and obviously contributes to disfiguremisic stereotypes. Physical appearance shouldn't be a metaphor for being a bad person. Similar example would be making your hero an arm amputee with a prosthetic that looks just like a real arm while making the villain into a quadruple amputee who uses a powerchair; or making your hero's chronic pain invisible while the villain has an obvious limp, etc.

In general, try to think on why you are deciding to give your villain a particular disability. Is it because it's "tragic" and thus fits their backstory? Is it something that villains "just have" in other media? Because it's severe, so it would "make them bitter and evil"? Villains and disability have a thousand different tropes connecting them, so try and be aware of the choices you make here, and correct them if necessary.

If you have any further questions, feel free to send another ask :-)

mod Sasza

[virune]

I’m curious, what do you think the Mobian customs are when it comes to gloves?

To me, I’ve always seen them as a way to avoid showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves.

They’re not needed, but for a Mobian to remove their gloves, they must be extremely comfortable and safe around someone, like family members or a loved one.

my headcanon is quite similar to yours! wearing gloves is considered polite and protects the sensitive pads of most mobians' hands; some don't have paw pads, like reptilian mobians who instead have softer scales on their palms and so the custom remains. mobian palms are fairly sensitive and the gloves protect them from uncomfortable or unwanted tactile sensations.

removing one's gloves is a sign of trust for whoever the mobian is with - usually close friends, family, or romantic partners. it's basically a gesture that signifies: "i trust you, and i feel comfortable around you". holding hands without gloves is a much different experience - it's something that communicates a deeper and more substantial bond.

some mobians don't care about the custom, like sticks, and others aren't familiar because they were raised around humans and only wore gloves because they simply always have and they appreciate the added protection, like shadow.

[coelpts]

alright, guess we're complaining now.

[Image ID: First image: A cropped screenshot of Tumblr's Friday, May 26th, 2023 changelog which reads, "On web, clicking anywhere in a post’s header now opens that post. Previously, you had to click specifically on the blog name."

Second image: A cropped screenshot of Tumblr's Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 changelog which reads, "To clarify a point made in last Friday’s post: on web, clicking the reblogged-from blog name in a reblog’s post header now takes you to that blog, not their reblog. Clicking in the empty space in the post’s header, and in the header of each reblog trail item, now takes you to that specific post in the blog view popup. This is one of a series of updates we’re making to the reblog consumption experience across all platforms, to make it more intuitive and consistent, especially for new users." End ID.]

Tumblr, this change is bad. A lot of other people have already shared their own complaints for this new and awful system, but it's time for me to properly throw my hat in the ring instead of at-ing you directly due to user error. Whoops.

[UPDATE 6/11/2023] HORRIBLE NEWS, EVERYONE! This change has hit mobile. There is no longer any way to access the previous version of a post except through theme reblog chaining on desktop. I've added some extra fun comments both as an edit to this post and as a reblog so nobody misses out.

All my complaints are in the read more because this got LONG.

TL;DR- This change breaks a major signifier used across the site, removes post functionality only to replace it with redundant blog links, and completely destroys a primary mode of social interaction that's been used on Tumblr for over a decade. Here's the Tumblr Staff support link so you can give feedback on how bad this change is.

Part One: Signifiers and Consistency

This is my biggest point, so it will be a bit of a doozy. Strap in.

This change is about making Tumblr operation 'intuitive and consistent' by unifying behavior between like-designed parts of the site. Now on the face that's not a bad reason to do things, and making sure users are able to intuit what a button does based on its properties is good design. I'll give an example:

Hearts symbolize the 'Like' function on Tumblr. The heart button on a post adds it to your Likes, the Likes option on your account is accompanied by that same heart, and Likes show up in post notes with that heart. This heart, then, becomes a consistent and reliable signifier. If you see a heart button on Tumblr, then whatever it's attached to probably has something to do with Likes.

So, back to the change. This change relates to the signifier of the 'Tumblr blog url link'. The idea is thus- on other parts of the site, such as the Search tab on mobile and on a blog in the dashboard tray, you will see related or similar blog suggestions like these:

[Image ID: First image: A cropped screenshot of Tumblr's Getting Started help page. It shows an example blog with the 'Blogs like this one' tray visible, populated with four example blogs.

Second image: A second cropped screenshot of Tumblr's Getting Started help page. It shows an example of the Search page on mobile with the 'Check out these blogs' feature highlighted, where two example blog cards are shown. End ID.]

These suggestions are Tumblr blog urls paired with their icon and a little bit of their blog, either the title or some recent posts of theirs. If you click on that url title, the link follows through to that blog. So there's the signifier: click on the url, go to the blog.

But now we have a bit of a snag. What about these?

[Image ID: A cropped reblog screenshot. The crop shows the Tumblr urls of the reblogger @coelpts and reblogged @coelpts-artchives with the reblog symbol between them, the rebloggers icon, and the date that this reblog was posted. End ID.]

Well, these LOOK like Tumblr blog url links. They're styled in the same way. In fact, the reblogger even has a blog icon next to it! So all signs point to these url links pointing directly to a Tumblr blog if clicked on. After this change, that's exactly what they do- so, like, no problem, right?

But, hold on. There's another signifier here! These aren't JUST Tumblr blog url links! This is…

[Image ID: First image: The former image of a cropped reblog screenshot, focused on the urls and reblog icon.

Second image: The Tumblr reblog icon. End ID.]

Our good friend, the Reblog button! That's another classic Tumblr signifier, and it sits right next to the Like button I pontificated about. Reblogs are an integral part of Tumblr, and on top of every single reblogged post you will see that icon. And would you look at that- it's even the same color as the second url link!

Those url links that established the 'url link' signifier that we talked about before, in the search page and on the dashboard tray, aren't attached to any posts. But this url is, and the reblog symbol is right next to it. The reblog signifier modifies the url link signifier. This link should go to the reblog from this user. Right? Because it is a reblog FROM that url link- so that's where it should go! And that's where it used to go, before this update.

[EDIT] I came back to fix some typos I noticed but while I was away I tested mobile to see if this change hit the app yet. It has not, but what I saw instead confirmed the above point- on mobile, selecting the reblogged's url ALSO highlights the reblog icon next to it! These two signifiers are connected, and should be read together.

By changing the url links to be more 'consistent' with other url links across the site, a major signifier that keeps the site together has been broken entirely. What should lead to a reblog- something that is clearly shown through use of a recognizable, consistent symbol- no longer does.

Part Two: Redundant Redundancy

Okay, so that's not all this change does. It also adds a brand new functionality to the post header- the white space is now clickable and serves as a replacement for the original 'to this post' link on the reblogger's side of things. These headers also generate for anyone who adds to the post, and you can click through OP too.

[Image ID: The cropped reblog screenshot from before, but with the word 'Clickable!' written in purple in the blank space above the date. End ID.]

This is also part of that design unity thing; on mobile tapping anywhere on the post header takes you to the post, and you can only tap on the blog url of the person the reblogger reblogged from. That makes sense, since on mobile you're maneuvering your fingers on a small screen and tapping a tiny url next to another tiny url is bound to cause problems.

I don't necessarily have a problem with this on the base of it. I have opinions about mobile and desktop parity that aren't really important here, but it does nicely showcase an issue I DO have- most of the changes made to reblogged posts are completely redundant and unnecessary.

---

[UPDATE] This change has hit mobile now, and it's added a fun new complaint about desktop-mobile parity that is now very suddenly a problem; the headers generated from reblogs with content don't have any responsive feedback for tapping them on mobile. OPs does, but any old Joes doesn't. This is not true on desktop, where on-hover a post header will change color; on mobile they stay completely white and plain with no on-tap color change. On top of that, the new headers are actually harder to see on mobile! There's no clear way to actually see where the header starts and the post continues! Tapping a header was deeply confusing because I got no confirmation I did anything of value until I was wisked away to a post- there's no signifier on mobile that this is a thing you can press.

This is what I was talking about in regards to desktop and mobile parity that wasn't important at the time- what's good for mobile isn't always good for desktop and vice versa. Having a post header be tappable on mobile instead of op's url link, where you have less fine motor control and there's a lot of small buttons clustered together, makes sense; but making all post headers into buttons on desktop isn't a good idea because they aren't 'buttons' and it's very hard to make it clear they are. I mentioned signifiers above and that applies to this change- there just aren't enough signs that show these are all buttons now and where they go. The fact that they're completely unresponsive on mobile really is the cherry on top, because you do not KNOW it's a button unless you tap it accidentally or already know from desktop that all headers link to reblogged posts. The design has been made more confusing; what was a functional affordance on mobile has been applied to desktop without limits or concern, making the original mobile affordance more confusing and producing a poor signifier.

Alright, that's enough from future me. Let's get back to the original post, about how this change that introduces a bad signifier is also redundant.

---

First of all, it's not like clicking the link url just threw you into a post abyss when you clicked it. Clicking through to a reblog…still took you to that blog, both on mobile and on desktop. On mobile all you need to look through the blog proper is to pull down and refresh; on desktop it's even easier, because following a link pulls up the dashboard tray for that blog with the blogs url immediately below their icon.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the previously cropped reblog, now shown on the blog @coelpts. The post is on the left, and the user info card is on the right. End ID.]

This change then removes one step to get to the front of a blogs page, and puts the original longer path on the new clickable header. They go to the same place, the first is just exactly one click faster. You could do the exact same thing by clicking the user icon instead.

But wait! We can get even more redundant! You know what else is standard Tumblr functionality on desktop? The hover card!

[Image ID: A screenshot of the previously cropped reblog, now showing the card for @coelpts-artchives below the icon. It has the blog title and description alongside three popular posts. A purple arrow points to it from the url. End ID.]

If you hover over any url link for about a second, a card for that blog will pop up. This tray lets you follow a blog, send asks, report them, check their popular posts and do a bunch of stuff straight from the dashboard. It also takes you directly to their blog if you click the url link on the card itself! That's right, there was already a way to go directly to the blog the previous user reblogged from! And every single blog url link does this, too- not just on post headers, but even in the text of a post itself.

So before this change, you had five ways of interacting on a post:

Click the reblogger's url > Reblogger's post.

Click the reblogged's url > Reblogged's post.

Click the reblogger's icon > Reblogger's blog.

Hover on the reblogger's url > Reblogger's blog.

Hover on the reblogged's url > Reblogged's blog.

One of these is redundant, but that's fine- it's just how url links work, and it's better that all urls can do that. Signifiers, we talked about this. But every other link goes to a different place, including the previous version of the post.

After this change, there's six, with changes in bold:

Click the reblogger's url > Reblogger's blog.

Click the reblogged's url > Reblogged's blog.

Click the reblogger's icon > Reblogger's blog.

Hover on the reblogger's url > Reblogger's blog.

Hover on the reblogged's url > Reblogged's blog.

Click the white space header next to a user > User's post.

We now have three ways of getting to the blog of the person who reblogged this post, two ways to get to the blog of the person they reblogged from, ONE way to get to the post, and ONLY if someone added to it!

This change removes functionality and replaces it with needless redundancy. As I said near the top of this section, we could already get to the blog through a reblog link- so all this does is remove getting to previous post iterations.

Part Three: Broken Chains

And hey, let's talk about previous post iterations. Y'know, something that's super important on Tumblr? Different versions of a post float around the site for years- some have been around for a decade or more. And some are only available for one post.

As I'm sure everyone knows, unless a group of tags are peer reviewed and added to the body of the post itself or are appended to the next reblog in the chain, they only exist on that version of the post. This means every iteration of a post is functionally unique, and long before we were given the ability to check the tags on a reblog directly, the only way you could check the tags for a post was by checking every iteration. This practice still exists today with 'prev tags'- users still find it useful to gesture to a previous version of a post and show what other people were thinking or add their own thoughts.

Remember the new redundant links? All that means you can't get to a previous version of a post anymore. Those tags are functionally lost now, unless you dig through that persons blog or through all the notes of a specific post. Sure that may not be a problem for a post with 300 notes or so- but what about 27,000? What about a post that was reblogged three weeks ago? If you're trying to wrangle Tumblr's dodgy search function on the blog itself, what if the post has no text to search for, or if the blog has it's search function turned off? Any post tagged with prev tags now directs to literally nothing. Anyone arguing or conversing in the tags is now speaking at air to everyone else.

There is still one way to trace reblogs. You can access the blog itself- not the dashboard tray, but the actual url.tumblr.com blog- by using a hidden link in the meatball menu off the side of the post.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the previously cropped reblog, now showing the meatballs menu accessed. The first option, showing the date of the reblog, is highlighted. A purple arrow points to this option from the meatballs menu icon and a circle is drawn around it. End ID.]

From there, you can track a post backwards through proper blogs. The reblogged posts will have a 'via Blog' note on them, and you can follow that trail all the way up a chain.

…Unless someone doesn't have a theme enabled. Without a theme, a user won't have a url.tumblr.com domain and it will redirect to the dashboard tray, breaking the chain. And, as of an older update, blogs by default do not have themes enabled- so any and all new users suddenly roadblock this process. Oops.

All of this means that what was once a convenient social aspect of Tumblr has been completely severed with little to no alternative. Trying to wade through hundreds upon hundreds of notes to find the one you're looking for is tedious, time consuming, and potentially impossible if the post is large enough.

Finale: What Now?

Right, so- this sucks. I didn't even go into how this makes it tough to find and block cr/pt/t/rfs if a post passes into their hateful space, or how this makes it harder to copy post links without tracking shit because it's in a different menu now, or how it's now more difficult to access a previous post for reporting purposes. All that shit's also true, but they're side effects of the big three problems the changes introduce.

This change is ultimately user-hostile and seems to follow the worrying trend of 'other sites are doing it, so let's do it too!' Tumblr's been kicking about recently. Tumblr Live, the new change to images and videos, gating viewing posts behind making an account, and attempted algorithm feeds through 'Best Stuff First' and 'Based On Your Likes' are what immediately come to mind. Tumblr's defining, driving aspect for it's continued existence has and always will be its uniqueness. Pretending to be Instagram and TikTok and fucking Twitter will do it absolutely no favors- all it does is undermine what actually makes this site, as a social platform, interesting and vibrant.

But it's one thing to just complain and it's another entirely to provide feedback. Here's a link to the Tumblr Staff support page. They've walked back on new features before when we've made a ruckus- the Shop icon replacement is on the forefront of my mind right now- so it's time to make another.

TL;DR 2- This change makes browsing Tumblr more difficult than it needs to be. It breaks previously established signifiers and removes vital social functions only to add redundant and empty features to cater to a new userbase instead of actually improving the site for the users they already have. It's not a good change.

Thanks for reading ✌️

[boldlyexplorational]

Episode 24 "This side of paradise"

I guess I've been putting this one off. Let's talk about it. And I mean please let's have a discussion about it, because maybe I'm missing something and you can help me out.

It's not even a bad episode, honestly. It's disconcerting, but it's not bad. And I've seen the "sex pollen" and the "straight Spock" and you're right, it's all that. And you've got that little speech Spock makes at the end ... "that man on the bridge"... That's its own thing I don't want to even mention it.

It reminded me of "Shore leave" in a way. Don't ask me why, I can't explain it honestly. But do you see it?

Anyway, let's talk about meaning, let's talk about signs and symbols and what they signify because I'm very confused by the whole situation. I've seen people talk about the flowers as a euphemism for drugs, which I can't really make sense of. And the people living in harmony and peace could be a reference to the hippie/pacifist movement (see the idea of removal of strong emotions too).

But what does all of that have to do with Spock being capable of loving a woman he didn't love before?

I think there is something to the fact that the loss of individual personality makes for an unacceptable living condition for humans. But then again Spock is, in the Star Trek context, the emblem of the different, the strange, quite literally the alien. So he's being removed of his uniqueness and that makes him "straight" in the bad-but-peaceful society ??? That's not clicking for me.

And once again we find this idea that strong negative emotions are fundamental for making a human actually human. It's a recurring theme and it's still a pretty strange concept translated to the current time. But I guess after "A taste of Armageddon" I understand it a little better and I can see a good point to it.

Look, from what I understand the episode is saying: These flowers are removing negative emotions and conflict from these people, but also their unique personality, so it's bad because people should have a full spectrum of emotion and the possibility to express themselves. In this peaceful but wrong society Spock, who is usually considered an outsider for his "lifestyle" and opinions, can finally fit in and be in love, and feel things and that's... Bad! Because he has the right to choose who to be or rather simply be different and strange. He has the right to be whoever he wants to be in fact, even if some might think it's strange or bad.

Did I get it wrong? Because if this is it, it somehow looped around to be the most progressive take I've ever seen in old media. But I think I'm missing out on some very specific context here. Help me out.

[finalgirlwillbyers]

Hello 🌸

Why do so many people who claim to know something about st5 deny any possibility of Mike and Will getting together? She show is written like they have a good chance, but all these “leakers” are so confident it’s never going to happen… I am confused. Really curious to see your opinion. Thanks💫

It's because the leakers either immensely dislike Bylrs (@/dyersfilms), are staunch Mlvns (@/bubbles1420), don't ship Bylr (@/byrhop), or change beliefs when convenient (@/Tate100T). @/conflictofthemind is the one I can think of, top of mind, that ships Bylr and has other leaks that can affirm or deny what's shared in that larger leaker group chat. Unless we're counting @/rabbitsrun25 who has a dodgy track record but also shares leaks aligning with other leakers before those accounts even post.

Whoever the source is in that Twitter group or in the DMs is limited in what they do know, specifically who they're sharing information on. A lot of the leaks are Wheeler-centric. That could be a reflection of the accessibility of those leaks, that groups' interests, and the level of leak severity. In general, leaks are bad, however some leaks are worse than others. Example: Peter Ballard being 001/Vecna is a worse leak than Mike giving El yellow and purple flowers at the airport (yes, these are real Stranger Things 4 leaks).

Lack of leaks about a certain character or plot line doesn't signify that character's or plot line's irrelevancy, especially when the Duffers state said character is a major part of Stranger Things 5. Sorry. If I need to pick between obnoxious stans whispering about vague leaks or what the show-runners said multiple times before writing S5, I'll pick the Duffers.

The most vocal leakers mentioned above don't care for Bylr, because they perceive shippers as Will stans with fujo disease. The assertion that Bylrs are majority Will stans is incorrect. People mainly love the love Will has for Mike. That's not the same as loving the character! Anyways, this assumption is used to justify them being antagonistic, whether that's spewing homophobic and ableist slurs or peddling misogyny. The fact that Noah Schnapp plays Will adds fuel to the fire, making them oscillate between ignoring his existence or treating him and Will like a public enemy. It's not in their interests to report fairly and accurately about Will related plots.

Consequently, they diminish the role Will plays in leaks and the show. User @/dyersfilms admitted to removing Will from leaks that contain him, as well as promised not to share leaks involving him. Therefore, I don't know why one would expect her or anyone closely affiliated with her (like bubbles1420) to share news that puts him in proximity to Mike. User @/byrhop doesn't even like or want to report on shipping, given how vitriolic both sides are. And, I don't blame her!

As for (@/8flix)!Nick, I wouldn't consider him a leaker. He procured dubious Stranger Things 4 scripts for Dear Billy and The Piggyback, during and after S4's run. He's not involved in the production of Stranger Things 5. Whatever he shared is his opinion. Just like mine, just like your's, and just like every blogger on this site. Hell, he was even trolling prior to answering that ask from @/conflictofthemind.

Who cares if this random dude doesn't believe in Bylr endgame? Have conviction in what conclusion you've drawn from evidence. Stand up. Being wildly insecure about one's own opinion isn't a good sign of "media literacy".

Just like bloggers who cherry pick what leaks they choose to engage with and believe in, leakers cherry pick what they want to share or simply make shit up. You see the former with @/dyersfilms who is friendly with Mlvns, and the latter @/willsxbylers. To be frank, the leakers also don't really know what's happening in S5. They know a little more than us, but not a lot.

With a plot twist as significant as Bylr, hidden for multiple seasons and completely upending most audience members' understanding of Mike, it wouldn't be easily leaked. Mike and Will's scenes were barely touched on in Stranger Things 4 leaks. The major scenes between them are probably filmed on closed sets in studio too.

With information being easily traceable during production, with jobs and reputations on the line, no one ought to know any endgames of characters or ships. No matter how loud they are about what they're extrapolating from leaks.

[oletusfragments]

if you found the anon with the pre-manor mike rq im sorry i forgot the emoji ;v;

💫 pre-manor mike's reaction to his s/o passing away during the hullabaloo massacre

there we go- ignore that i forgot the emoji-

and once again, i hope you have a nice day :]]

— IN MY HEART AND IN MY HEAD; TELL ME WHY THIS HAS TO END

᠂ — angst — gender neutral reader — before manor — ᠂

"My Y/N is strong! They would never die from a stupid fire! They're fine, they'll be fine! Check again! You're wrong!" Mike exclaims at the paramedic, his tone despairing–trembling. Persistently denying the nightmare happening. His whole body shakes from the sob he tries to resist. No, he won't cry. Because this isn't real. It's not real.

How could this happen? What in the world happened when he left?

Mike runs faster than he ever did when he heard the breaking news. The bag of stuff he bought was long forgotten behind him. Screw that, something–someone was more important.

He prays to any god that hears him that everything is alright. That when he arrives you'll be there with your same comforting smile telling him that you're all okay. Damn the tent or even his career. As long as it's not you. Those things can just be replaced anyway. Or better yet, nothing is wrong and the fire was just a measly flame.

But there's nothing left to replace. What is left of his home is nothing but barren wastes and ashes. The whole area of the hullabaloo circus tent is surrounded by yellow barrier tape. Sirens and discussions of investigations by the police and other staff could be heard everywhere. Burned...cause...crime...survivors...deaths. Their words and voices felt deafening and Mike wanted badly to pull his air out. His beloved home became a wretched crime scene, and it made him feel sick.

Even with the hopeless situation, Mike tries to wish for a miracle to happen. That this is all a dream. All of this is a big joke played by the amount of pranks he has done to his colleagues.

You all managed to get him guys, you can drop the act now.

Come on, he's at his wits end. So get up from that stretcher Y/N.

"Come on...get up." Mike's voice trembles when he is met with what has become of you. Your burnt corpse, in front of his teary eyes lay unmoving despite his plea. Perhaps the universe gave their shred of mercy to spare your face to stay recognizable. But he didn't want to see your face, not like this. He wants to see you without those burnt marks, your chest to move up and down to signify you're still breathing, for your eyes to be open staring back at his own. Anything that indicates that you're alive.

"Urgh...Come on! Open your eyes!" Tell him you're all right. The blonde desperately shakes your body on the stretcher. His tears falling to your chest and his pupils staring directly to your closed ones. Just open them already, you've gone too far with this prank–he thinks.

A couple people stare at him with pity, others shaking their heads. Those aren't the gazes he wanted to receive. He wanted happy ones, like the gazes of joy and amazement as he performs in the circus. He wants yours. The same ones that made his heart soar, set flowers blossoming in his heart. He wants you to prove them wrong–that he doesn't need their pity because you're all right. Prove that his creeping doubts are unreal.

A paramedic comes towards him, "Sir, I am very sorry for your loss. Regrettably, we ask you to step away so the removal technician could transport them to the morgue."

Mike shoots a wild glare at the paramedic. He shakes his head frantically while he holds your body close to him. Not letting any of the ones around him touch you, take you away from him. More tears escape his eyes and his voice trembles as he realizes how cold you feel, that there's no signs of breathing from you. "No! No! What are you saying?! I don't believe this–!"

Mike wants to cover his ears, preventing himself from hearing about what he refuses to acknowledge. But he doesn't want to let go of you.

"My Y/N is strong! They would never die from a stupid fire! They're fine, they'll be fine! Check again! You're wrong!" Mike exclaims, his tone desperate–trembling. Persistently denying the nightmare happening. His whole body shakes from the sob he tries to resist. No, he won't cry. Because this isn't real. It's not real.

But slowly, the wall of delusion he built cracks like his sanity when the harsh truth pokes through and send stabs to his breaking heart. His patience for everything is already thinning. He wants to lash out at everyone in the scene right now. Tell them to get out, to stop what they're doing, not take the last of what he loved the most.

"But sir—"

"Stop! Shut up! They're not—everyone is—they're all–" gone.

Mike stays silent for a moment before letting out a loud sob, choking on his tears, and lets out a scream full of frustration.

He stutters out your name numerous times, still not letting go of you. "Please, Y/N—please, just–!" Mike begs, as if you were to come back alive if he pleads hard enough. He holds your cold hand firmly, dead and devoid of the warmth he craved dearly. And like his hopes and the last of his joy, he completely falls apart. "Wake up, please!"

You were always there whenever he needed you. Behind the curtains, when he craved for sincere love, you were always there to give it to him. Always running and tending to him immediately whenever he needed help. But when he badly needed you the most, why aren't you waking up?

You were always there for him, so where was he when you needed him?

Countless guards had helped to retract his body from your corpse, firm grasps attempt to pull him away from you. Mike panics, fiercely thrashing around and pushing away the people that came near him. No, he doesn't want to let go of you. Not yet, not ever. This, what was left of you, something he never wants to lose. He won't admit that this will be goodbye.

He became so desperate. Even with the bruises and weary arms, Mike endured them all. After all, the pain he felt from others will never rival the pain of his broken heart. He begged the others to stop taking you away from him. To let them have you in his arms for a little longer. He hugged your body tightly, crying to your neck. Relishing the shred of comfort left from your lifeless body.

He was too stubborn that the polices agreed to let him mourn until he's had enough. Eventually, Mike fell asleep from the exhaustion of his own grief beside your eternally resting one. And with the opportunity, they pried you out of his hold.

The time he let his guard down, the time where he takes his eyes off you for a moment, you were gone from his grasp again—for good.

When he woke up from a place different from the circus, did the previous events fall on him all at once. And in that moment he realized, His home was no more. Everything, everyone is gone. And you are not coming back.

[ don't worry anon! It doesn't bother me at all. And thank you for fixing your mistake! And I wish you a great day too :D ]

CR: artwork from official Identity v account. Title are lyrics from Atlantis by Seafret.

[strqyr]

very intrigued re: your thoughts on cinder’s grimm arm but I’m not sure its symbolism thus far supports your point.

like to me it’s a sign of salem’s power and control over her. it’s creeping up her body and eating her as she does more and more evil to serve a master that doesn’t care about her.

i think if she dies the arm dies with her but if she lives she lives without the arm, just like i think the only way she survives the story is if she breaks free from salem.

also i just feel like it can’t feel good to have grimm be a part of you and i want good things for cinder

i want to pre-face this by saying that my thoughts spiraled from the fairly popular theory that summer tried to destroy / 'purify' salem with her silver eyes and obv it didn't work ( and if you subscribe to the theory that salem got her veins as a result of that, it might have made things 'worse' ) so like. the implications are there.

this might also be all over the place so sorry in advance i just woke up lol

anyway. back to cinder. they've clearly paralleled the grimm arm with the shock collar which definitely muddles the ground re: the fate of the arm, buuuuuut there are some interesting points here as well as differences.

for one, cinder doesn't take the collar off until after the madame is dead and the fight with rhodes is over, signifying a power struggle—the madame shocks cinder to no affect; she holds no power over cinder any more with or without the collar—and the main failure of rhodes—he was the huntsman supposed to help, but cinder only took the collar of after his death.

in V8 cinder and salem already had their power struggle which resulted in salem having to give 'concessions' ( for the lack of better term ) to cinder lest she wanted to lose her bc cinder was going to do her own thing ( and almost getting herself killed. no good ) rather than follow salem's orders. and then cinder lied to salem who does not like being lied to so either she pulled it off successfully ( doubtful with how much she hammed it up ) or salem let it go bc she's got two relics now and reprimanding cinder would ruin the moment of success.

something something balance cannot be restored with force or calculations true balance finds it own equilibrium it only requires love and the patience to see things through in the end something something the villains do be getting it.

and through it all, the grimm arm remained.

unlike the shock collar, too, the grimm arm cannot be easily removed; slicing it off won't work as it will just grow back ( which begs the question of it's origin, as regrowing is not regular grimm behavior ), and, well. silver eyeing it is a bit of an odd choice when that's the reason cinder lost her arm in the first place, so... how do you remove it?

also, thinking about silver eyes and grimm, specifically ruby challenging maria's notion that the eyes only work against grimm bc she used them against cinder, "perhaps there was something that you weren't seeing" <- obvious answer is the grimm arm but atlas arc has come and gone, ruby has seen the arm a plenty and has had zero reaction to it re: why she can use her powers against cinder, which makes me think that this conversation in an episode titled DEAD END has more to it; either that there's more to silver eyes than "they only work against grimm" or that "something you weren't seeing" is less about something physical like the grimm arm and more about cinder herself, i.e. cinder is not a monster who needs to be eye-lazered on sight but a human being and that maybe it would be better to understand why she's the way she is rather than going pew-pew.

also also, as far as any villain -> hero arc that cinder may or may not be going through, i think it would be more poignant if she had the grimm arm through it rather than chopping it off as a sign of it beginning. ya know, like. despite all the negatives that come with it, the grimm arm is also beneficial for cinder in that she can siphon maiden powers that she wants with it, so if she has it until the end, any development would be more meaningful if she chooses to not use it rather than removing it altogether. it's the difference between "would but can't" vs "could but won't".

and yeah the arm growing is a concern so that's. A Thing. but i think there's like. how much does cinder and / or salem even know about this stuff. like i could see cinder agreeing to having a grimm arm bc maiden powers but not knowing exactly what having a grimm arm entails—i.e. it was not an informed choice—but does salem know either or is she just experimenting? cos i feel like that also changes thing like is this intentional negligence or is this uncharted territory for everyone involved? idk.

what i do know is that i like the grimm aesthetic tho and i would be sad to see it go :( but that's the character design gremlin in me talking.

[stlazarus]

[ * ]     …     IT'S INSIDE ME NOW:         below is a quick and comprehensive post detailing information about The Entity ( or The Pride Sin ). please note that this is simply a post meant to give a general idea, and any content here is subject to change. all information here has the potential to be referenced in threads, so please browse this carefully before interacting with this blog.

[ 01. THE ENTITY ] + first, let me describe The Entity to the best of my ability. ever since henry's conception, this aspect of his story has remained unchanged. i've always appreciated the concepts of an "other" and "vessels." so, from that point forward, henry grew as a character. with that said, i've always had a shaky concept of the entity. however, with this new revival of henry ( and some newly watched films ), i've finally pinpointed how i want to attack and describe The Entity. again, please be aware that anything written in this section is subject to change and is still being explored. the biggest thing to note is that henry is meant to be the real-life personification of the Pride Sin and how it manifests in humanity/human beings. now, please let me know if you see something wrong, would like to add suggestions, or have any questions !

HOW WAS THE ENTITY CREATED ? according to scholars, the first documented transgression against divine law was the existence of Pride. The Entity was created during the creation of the universe. it's said that on day one, god created the existence of light. the two creations, darkness ( already in existence ), were separated into day and night with the order of evening before morning, signifying the liturgical day. unbeknownst to god, Pride waited, hiding in the darkness. after finishing the creation of the universe, Pride took its moment and began to roam the universe freely.

DISCOVERING THE ENTITY. from then on, Pride mainly went undetected until it caused the "destruction" of Eve and Lucifer. with such a grand violation, it was only a matter of time before god finally became aware of its presence. embarrassed by his grave mistake, god took to finding the Pride entity. once found, god decided to place the entity in a host. god moved it from host to host ( usually an angel or something of similar power ) to prevent the entity from becoming accustomed to its host. however, god realized this wasn't sustainable or productive, especially for his angels, so he decided to try something new.

WHAT'S ITS PURPOSE ? the overall purpose of The Entity is to spread chaos across the universe and remove all of the good in humanity. this includes, for example, humility, charity, and kindness. when there is too much pride, there is a sense of entitlement and false ego. to accomplish this feat, The Entity thrives best within a host. once inside a host, it can learn every detail concerning the host's overall personality. by knowing the host's personality, it can pick out the traits best suited for it to accomplish its plans.

WHAT'S NEXT ? enter the protagonist of our story: henry. god decided to test out a human host to finally rid himself of The Entity. by placing The Entity within henry, god enacted a type of "divine punishment." this punishment was established based on how henry chose to act during his human life ( aka exhibiting every sign of being an overly prideful human ). from then on, god has monitored henry and The Entity.

[ 02. THE ENTITY AND HENRY ] + now that i've outlined some "basics" regarding The Entity, this section will explore the relationship between henry and The Entity. among that, i will also continue to supplement more info regarding The Entity.

for The Entity, any host is usually a means to an end. once inside a host, The Entity looks to pinpoint any openings that it can use to its advantage. however, after being placed in henry, things were different. The Entity felt a sense of stability and ease inside henry. his body had no push-back or adverse reactions despite the inherent resurrection sickness once he was resurrected. despite The Entity's overall desire to use its host, that was absent with henry.

WHAT IS THE ENTITY ? for the most part, The Entity has remained genderless. anytime it is referenced ( outside of with henry ), it is usually referred to as it/its. however, after residing within henry, it began to feel female-aligned. this aspect is still being explored, yet the best way for me to describe it refers to a relationship with the jujutsu kaisen universe ( loosely think yuta and rika ). the idea is that The Entity has developed more than a host-parasite relationship with henry. it develops a romantic inclination for henry, therefore taking on female-aligned pronouns. she becomes equally possessive and protective over henry. she tends to react within henry ( to which he can feel or sense ) whenever he is threatened or when she feels jealous. their bond is only strengthened the longer she remains in him and after they merge.

a quick note: they can and do, occasionally, communicate with one another. it's usually silent, but the one way you can tell when henry is speaking with The Entity is based on how quiet he gets or if he's staring into a specific space for an extended period. initially, henry ignores the entity, but the longer she stays, the more they communicate. after a while, she slowly brings comfort to henry, especially in times of stress or anger.

ultimately, the bond between henry and The Entity deepens the longer the two remain intertwined. although The Entity means no harm to henry, its nature begins to take hold. slowly, it starts to consume henry from the inside. due to this, henry attempts to find a way to separate them. however, when he comes up short, henry embraces The Entity. slowly, they become one, and there is no sign of where henry ends and The Entity begins.

[ 03. POST-MERGE ] + this section will be relatively short and sweet. considering this is still being explored, please take everything written here with a grain of salt. i will list the most important things or the things i know that won't change. however, if, when writing together, i say something contrarian to this section, just roll with it. i a) have yet to explore Henry post-merge and b) haven't written out what i want to happen post-merge, so it's completely experimental. again, if you have any questions, feel free to just ask.

WHAT HAPPENS TO HENRY ? henry still appears very much the same when the merge or "resurrection" is complete. as noticed in annihilation, lena and kane's eyes seem different. while lena's time with The Shimmer permanently changes her DNA, the real version of kane dies and is replaced by the version created by The Shimmer. with that said, the only noticeable difference in henry after his merge with The Entity is the change in his eyes. they appear a freckled hazel with amber rings around the iris, a sign of him being other ( especially to other supernatural creatures ).

overall, henry still looks the same. however, now that he has reached a state of transcendence, he has to learn how to appreciate the simple, "human" life he lived as an immortal. there are moments when he will be quite apathetic, especially toward humans, simply because of his new state of existence. as for powers, henry only retains some from his time as an immortal and takes on all of The Entity's abilities.

[averyhollow]

That Man’s Amazing Journey: How That Man Can Win While Still Being The Worst

Y’all notice how Stede Bonnet (*mimes spitting on the ground in disgust at the very mention of his name*) and Pennywise have never been seen in the same place at the same time? Something to think about.

Be Forewarned

This deals with a line reportedly in the OFMD S2 trailer.

If you don’t do criticism/disdain/negative opinions towards or about characters, please let the above (totally accurate, I’m just saying) observation, the fact I refer to Stede as That Man, and my blog being sponsored by Humanity Against Stede Bonnet, set the tone for what’s to follow.

I haven’t actually seen the trailer

and have no intention of watching it, but by no means does my general disinterest mean I’m over my specific hatred of That Man and Gentlebeard. Finding out That Man refers to Ed (could be someone else I guess, but I choose to believe it’s Ed) as “shipmate” instead of “co-captain” means I can dream That Man is not calling himself a captain anymore or being indulged by his put-upon crew.

Intro

It is my belief That Man must be removed from captaincy - never again to ascend to said position - for his own good (which I don’t care about), the good of all around him, and the sake of basic piratical decency. That man saying he and Ed are shipmates instead of claiming to be co-captains is a sign of growth and self-reflection on his part, as it signifies he’s accepted that he’s no longer the captain, never should have been, and that he needs to apply some elbow grease and see himself as a pirate and not a patriarch.

His Own Good

Dude’s captaincy was bought and even if OFMD portrays (so far) the pirates in the show’s universe as less than egalitarian, democratic, and inclined towards talking things through as a crew; it still has created a world where captaincy is earned. He can’t truly claim to respect Ed, Ed’s world, and Ed’s accomplishments, if he continues running around calling himself a pirate captain.

That Man expecting to be welcomed back as captain, let alone actually being allowed to resume captaincy, would be a continuation of him having bought his captaincy in the first place. He should be happy to accept that the position was taken from him and apologize for having ever held it by use of economic coercion. That Man is accustomed to living by exploitation of others. Time for him to put some sweat on his brow and give working to meet his base material needs a go.

He embarked on a life of piracy where he intended to menace the poor and downtrodden for fun because exploiting them in the conventional way wasn’t enough for him, and then left every cent of his unearned wealth to his equally vampiric family. The least he can do is acknowledge that he was an utter fool and proper ass to appoint himself captain, and that he can never be with Ed if he’s holding onto any of the trappings of privilege and power he left behind.

The Good Of All Around Him

The crew doesn’t need him or to cater to his whims. That Man was only running the ship because he was running them checks, and he not only can’t do that but didn’t take enough money to give them one last bonus. They’ve selected a captain in the proper way of pirates - something That Man doesn’t know a damn thing about - and they selected him for damn good reasons.

That Man rolled in knowing nothing about piracy and decided he was going to set about “fixing” the culture based on his own assumptions of its problems. The crew deserves better and have chosen better.

And the fishers. What of the fishers? Do they not deserve to fish in peace? Do they not deserve to have one of the few pieces of ornamentation they have safe from a man who would steal it from them at gunpoint, even though that man could afford a thousand such plants and pots should he want? They were probably fishing to supplement their meager diet because they barely make ends meet due to the exploitation of That Man. They’re probably literally on the verge of starvation now because they’re too traumatized to go back out fishing.

Let the fishers fish and let That Man have several fucking seats, but only after he’s done with a day’s work. Matter of fact, make him make his own damn seat. He can use the wood from the broken sitz bath he had the crew sharing while he had a whole ass porcelain monstrosity for his own use.

The Sake Of Piratical Decency

There’s no universe (I’ve checked), where That Man can change for the better (and his better will still be The Worst) and end the show as a pirate captain. With the exception of perhaps a 20 year time jump where he leads a crew of pirates new to both piracy and sailing in general.

But That Man earning captaincy over any of the crew as it stands? Nope. That Man earning a captaincy of another crew without work and experience? Nope. And should That Man do the bare minimum of learning about piracy and sailing, he should then realize the true extent of his ignorance and hubris, and never again dare to put himself forward as a captain. At least not anytime soon.

The Show Must Go On

I accept that the show is a romcom and therefore certain things must happen and that it has no real world-building or sense beyond what happens to get Ed and That Man together, and what happens to get Ed and That Man to a place where they can be whole enough in themselves to be wholly together.

As such, certain inherently fucked up things about That Man (that the show didn’t have to do, but chose to and chose to quite flippantly and clumsily imo, but that’s neither here nor there) must be handwaved and ignored, but I don’t think the ridiculousness of him buying a captaincy is one of those things.

Co-captains might be fun to say (for some people) as a cute ship name and reminder of when Ed and That Man first acknowledged their affinity for each other and desire to share a life and future in any form; but the version of That Man who first proposed co-captaincy is not the version that I think can ever truly be family with the crew, or a partner to Ed.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 6th of December 2022

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 6th of December 2022

How is the Harkle's docuseries/reality show going to affect King Charles?

Note: As I was shuffling the cards for this reading, one card that came up over and over again was The Emperor. That card signifies Charles in his role as King. I feel that this reality show is going to cause Charles to shut down his feelings as a father and act as a king intent on saving the monarchy and not as a father concerned about his son.

Interpretation: It is going to cause him a great deal of pain.

Card One: The Three of Swords. This is a card of heartbreak and emotional pain. The Harkle reality show is going to hurt King Charles terribly. It will figuratively break his heart. His son and the wife will inflict a great deal of emotional pain in King Charles by what they say and do in the docuseries. The picture on the card shows King Agamemnon being stabbed in his bath by his wife Clytemnestra and her lover. This is how King Charles will feel - stabbed through the heart not by his wife, but by another family member, his son and his son's lover.

The bath is a very private place, where we are naked, exposed and vulnerable. This part of the picture suggests that Prince Harry is deliberately aiming to expose his father in this reality show, and that he will be going after his father's most vulnerable spots with the word equivalent of swords.

Card Two: The Ten of Wands. This is a card of being burdened by something, of having your creative ventures burn down around you. The energy from this card is one of burden. King Charles is going to feel burdened by this reality show. He is going to feel that Harry is a heavy weight that he wants to put down. He will not want to 'carry' his son any further, i.e. make excuses for him, hold the door open for him. Instead King Charles will want to dump the burden of his son and the wife as soon as he possibly can.

The card shows King Jason sitting in a burning shelter made of the beams of his ruined ship, i.e. of his great creative adventure. This suggests that Harry may go after the creative projects of King Charles and/or the monarchy. King Charles may well feel that one or more of his creative projects his now burning to the ground around him because of his son's reality show.

Card Three: Justice. This is the only major arcana card in this reading, so it is a very strong energy to finish on. Justice is the card of justice, of legal matters, of getting what you deserve (your just desserts). It is a cold and unemotional card that says justice will be served regardless of any emotional pleas or bonds. This tells me that the Harkles' reality show is going to inspire King Charles with a strong desire for justice and to 'put the record straight'. He may take legal action against Netflix and/or his son. He may speak out via the media and repudiate what the Harkles say. He may use the law to enact another form of justice, such as removing some of the privileges of the Harkles. In some way or ways King Charles will be pursuing justice and/or legal matters against the Harkles.

Underlying Energy: The Queen of Cups. This is my card for a water sign person, especially a Cancer. King Charles has four Cancer people in his family: Princess Diana, Queen Camilla, Prince William, and Prince George. As the energy underlying this reading, this card is coming across as female energy, so Queen Camilla and Princess Diana. They will be involved in the pain the docuseries causes Prince Charles and his subsequent desire for Justice in some way. I would not be surprised if Harry speaks about both women, blaming King Charles for the death of his mother and vilifying Queen Camilla. It may happen in some other way, but in some form either Princess Diana and/or Queen Camilla will be central to the reaction of King Charles to this reality show. Prince William and/or Prince George may also be involved, but the main energy I am getting from this card is female, not male.

Conclusion: King Charles is going to be heartbroken over this Harkle reality show. Queen Camilla and/or Princess Diana will be involved in this pain in some way, and perhaps (but a much lesser possibility) his two heirs, Prince William and Prince George. King Charles's reaction to the Harkle reality show will make Harry and his wife seem like an intolerable burden. He [King Charles] will seek justice against them, either in the courts or in some other way.

Note: I am not saying that the Harkle reality show will not go after Prince William, or (god forbid) Prince George. I am saying that the major emotional players for King Charles, the ones that will be the source of his pain somehow (e.g. from what Harry says about them or how he portrays them) are Queen Camilla and Princess Diana.

[bipolar-boygirl]

Not to be a Salty American (though as the great Hannah Gatsby once said, making fun of Americans is still technically punching up,but that window is closing), but I've been thinking a lot about a specific video from a Nigerian creator I follow whose platform is about showing that africa as a whole isn't poor and a lot of the things the west sees as signifiers of poverty are culturally preferred methods and items. Her videos are very lighthearted and funny normally, but I saw one recently about how Africans (her words) don't pay for things with credit, and that we (Americans and I'm assuming the west in general) can't live without credit, our whole system is based on credit. And she's right, but it was treated as some sort of Gotcha moment, and not the horrifying mechanic of capitalism that it is

I was lying in bed this morning after having a nightmare that I lost a part of my arm and couldn't afford the surgery, the whole dream was me trying to find ways to make the surgery cheaper, to find loopholes in my insurance, stressing about missing work, and it ended with me sobbing because I finally had enough money for the surgery but it would wipe out every cent I had, and I would be left with nothing while recovering and unable to work. This was something my subconscious mind conjured because I'm dealing with a much less life threatening equivalent of needing to get my wisdom teeth removed and not being able to afford it (though the longer I go without it the more likely I am to get an infection and if that gets into my blood or my brain I'm fucked, I'm catastrophizing here, but it's a very real fear I'm dealing with).

My options for getting my wisdom teeth removed are: to continue to try to save up the money regularly, which is a very slow going process and at my current rate of saving I could break even on the surgery in about 4 months, but much like my dream it would take every dollar I have, so that's not actually true, is it? It would take me much longer to save up enough to not go broke, so realistically at my current rate I'm still probably over a year away.

Or: sign up for something like care credit, which is basically a loan specifically for medical costs. It's even interest free! Unless of course you're unable to pay back the full loan in the agreed upon time frame and then you owe a predatory interest rate on the entire amount they loaned you, regardless of how much you have left to pay off. If I had a better credit score, I might be able to put it at least partially on a credit card which would have an interest rate from the start but a lower one. But I don't have a credit card because I was forced into a position where I HAD to get a car with a car note and due to my non-existent credit score at the time I had to settle with a 20-something % interest rate and now have a $450 car note a month for like 6 years. Most starter credit cards require a cash deposit and between all my bills (aside from rent, my car note is the most expensive which is why I brought it up) and trying to save up the old fashioned way I just really don't have the money to spare to get a credit card. I could probably get one without a cash deposit, but then we run into the issue of the predatory interest rates again

Or: I could set up a gofundme, which is a whole other can of worms and with everything else happening in the world, with all of the fleeing families, and the abuse victims, and people with actual life threatening medical needs on there, my silly little wisdom teeth don't seem all that important.

So yeah, Americans can't live without credit, but it's not something we chose. It's just another tool capitalism uses to drain every last penny they can from people after inventing credit scores (didn't exist til the 80's) and making everything so fucking expensive you can't even afford it with insurance (yeah that amount I'm saving towards? That's my cost WITH insurance), so you have no choice BUT to pay for things on credit

I know it's fun to make fun of Americans guys, I used to do it all the time myself. But, just, we aren't doing so hot.

[traumxrei-archive]

【 book 6 thoughts ! (3) 】

back at it again ^^ had so much fun laughing bc rook and idia in this chunk of chapters jfksdjfs

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ spoilers from 6-36 till 6-42 below the cut ! ]

[ about : hunt family's villas ]

lowk sad that they didn't spend more time narrating rookepeyuu's travels together. i'm sure we would've gotten a lot of good banter between them ++ taking a look at the hunt family's villas *eyes emoji*

also. rook being a middle child.....thinking on that.... but also WHEW five siblings, and they call themselves a clan ?? when epel says "the more i learn, the more mysterious you become" i am seconding his words.

[ about : le chasseur d'amour ]

FUCK IM CRYISNFDJSHFJS— i love the way the whole base is scrambling bc !!! omg the base is under attack !!! how could this happen !! and idia pulls up the surveillance feeds and it's this blond frenchman zooming around on a broom introducing himself to the mf OCEAN— (also rook calling vil his "meiyuu" aka sworn friend cryinggggg and sobbingggg)

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER HIM DOING A WHOLE SELF INTRO FOR THE PPL THAT DON'T KNOW HIM !! and then idia n ortho's reactions are so funny for no reason jdfksjf (once again, idia tryna avoid violence and ordering to "secure" rook instead of "removing" him)

[ about : alas... ]

ok rook was the only person whose "defeat" was convincing. the way epel is so bad at acting...and not yuu saying alas of all things to signify their defeat sjkfdsf this is so funnyyy

[ about : rule of the island ]

"the rule of this island is to return the living back to where they came from, alive." that means that they don't intend to hurt people or kill people. and the only beings that are on the island are the staff and probably any phantoms they kept alive for experimentation.

[ about : saving vil's life ]

i'm having such a blast laughing at rook's antics this time sjkfjdf not idia letting them in bc "vil might have a life threatening illness that no one knows about" and "rook might have the medicine he needs" aND HE BRINGS OUT A BAG OF RETINOL AND VIT C SERUM PPPLEASEEEE

idia: y-you're really just giving him skincare ? not trying to help them escape ?

rook: that is right ! as the chasseur d'amour it is my duty to—

idia: it's clearly not worth risking your life over skin creams. like, ever.

[ about : ouchhh ]

ok idia did NOT have to say that about yuu— that just hurt to even read bc we know how yuu's been feeling about themself after all that's happened around them...

[ about : nice ride, idia ]

ok but. why does this

kinda remind me of the batmobile— no but seriously, it looks like something that we should be seeing in book 7 rather than rn,,,the wheels are made out of spinning wheels, and it's in. the shape of a bat/dragon with two horns and red eyes....

[ about : ortho and phantoms ]

ortho....did you just say there's a "bunch of phantoms" under the pillar ???? you mean there's multiple phantoms down there that STYX has frozen. and...the more pressing issue...what does he mean "you wouldn't want to end up like me" ? the whole time he was talking about the phantoms, he was...talking in this very quiet and melancholic tone.... (did ortho get hurt badly by the phantoms ? is that why he's basically a robot now ?)

[ about : direbeast grim !! ]

so. grim is a species called direbeast with a high blot density? or they said he's a mix between direbeast n something else and to me, that reeks of experimentation...but who would do such a thing ? and his blot accumulation spikes and drops unexpectedly....maybe as a direbeast, grim is able to turn blot into a magical energy source ?

and there's traces of a...powerful spell on him ? the fire in his ears being blue isn't just a cute and silly thing and it's signs of a curse ? omg. wait do you think that grim is actually some sort of beast from thousands of years ago that got put to sleep by a powerful spell, and he just woke up now ? all this grim lore makes me wanna know more abt where he came from...

[ about : shroud family curse ]

so their curse is that blot gets incinerated the moment it accumulates within them. so the ancient shrouds led a revolt against the jupiter family using the original phantoms (whatever that means) and thus got cursed + banished to the island of woe. they manage tartarus (phantom prison) and the underworld (phantom graveyard). and they're doing blot research in order to get rid of the phantoms so that they can regain their freedom....wow.

and if they don't have any blot. the curse goes straight to eating up their magic, so they constantly need to be using magic to even live. oh my god. the reason why they gave them that job is bc the phantoms will continue to leak blot into the world even after they're dead. so jupiter family put that curse on the shrouds with every intent of making them like a sponge that can "purify" any blot that escapes. bc if not it'll start affecting the world.

so that's why they're doing blot research :00 !! they're trying to figure out a way to neutralize or reutilize blot bc. the shrouds want to escape. they don't want to keep living in the island of woe, which is why they want to turn the phantoms into an energy source. it would bring them back the honor they had once lost + they don't have to keep living at the island of woe to keep the phantoms in check.

[ about : another ortho ]

okay so. i noticed this before. but ortho was talking about himself in third person in one of the chapters. like "what can ortho do for him" instead of using his usual personal pronoun of "boku". and then idia mentioned "what happened ot ortho when we tried to leave this place". so...i'm assuming that there's two orthos, and that one of them is dead ? or something happened to him ? meanwhile the ortho we know rn also knows about this other ortho, and sees him as an extension, but not entirely, himself. (also take note this is all speculation i do not know if im right or wrong)

okayy we're stopping here for tonight ! when i tell you i laughed so much for this chunk of chapters, i mean it jskfjskf it was a nice contrast from last time, since last time was more tense + sad moments... until next timee

[purplefangirl42]

Clonetober 2023- Day 1

Prompt: “There’s only us.” /armor paint/pirate AU

Prompt list by @ladysongmaster Divider by @djarrex

White. Fresh. New. Shiny.

Once he had removed the dust from the initial battle on Geonosis, those were the things he was left with. Nothing to signify that he was any different from his brothers. The only difference he had was the cloth he had been given to wear about his waist, but even that was plain and showed no signs of individuality. 

Blaze had heard rumors of the other squads painting their armor to signify which regiment they were with. Some colors had significance, some were chosen by the Jedi General, and some were chosen based on what was easily accessible. He had no idea what color would be chosen for the 394th. He hadn’t even met their General yet.

He had originally thought they would be assigned to the woman he had dragged to safety during the battle, but it seemed that she would not be leading a battalion. His orders had simply told him to come here and await further instruction. The rest of the men that had been assigned to the 394th were waiting for him to come get them for their first deployment. Waiting for him to be their Commander.

The sound of the door whooshing open brought Blaze quickly to his feet. He tucked his plain white helmet under his arm as he stood at attention, waiting for the Jedi to appear. After a moment, he was joined by another man that stood a little taller than himself. His long black hair was tied behind his head in a simple style to keep it out of the way. Dark tattoos on various parts of his face stood out against the green of his skin but complemented the darkness of his brown eyes.

Mirialan.

Blaze’s study of different races in the galaxy told him where his new General was from. He could tell from the tattoos that this man had led an experienced life. He hoped some of that experience would transfer to him over their time together.

“Greetings,” the man said. “My name is Omezki Alarro. I have been assigned to work with the 394th in the upcoming battles. What is your name trooper?”

“CC-8183, sir.”

Blaze saw a small twitch on the man’s face at his answer. He hadn’t been sure if he had wanted the name he had chosen or the number given to him.

“Commander Blaze,” he added.

That answer earned him a nod, so it must have been the correct one. 

“Nice to meet you, Blaze. I look forward to working with you.”

General Alarro gestured to the door, indicating for Blaze to walk with him. The pair of them walked in the direction of the barracks where the rest of the 394th were waiting. They walked in silence for a few minutes before the Jedi spoke again.

“I understand that many battalions have taken to painting various designs on their armor. Have you given any thought to a particular color that you would choose for the 394th?”

“No, sir,” Blaze said, shaking his head. “I figured it was up to you.”

The Jedi seemed to ponder his statement for a moment before turning to look at him.

“How do you feel about the color purple?” he asked.

“It is a fine color. Does it mean something to you?”

A brief look of sadness crossed the Jedi’s face, but it faded quickly.

“It does, but I wish to know if you think it would be a suitable color for your men. If there comes a time when you decide there is a different color that would suit you better, one that is significant to you, you will be free to change it. The purple is a suggestion to get you started.”

They continued their walk in silence, Blaze thinking over what Alarro had said. He hadn’t given any color a particular amount of thought. The suggestion of purple seemed like a good choice to him. He would look into acquiring the paint as soon as he was able.

The day the 394th received a new General, along with her padawan Commander, Blaze knew he needed to make some changes. The purple was staying, that much had been decided, but now he had something else to add to his armor. That color of significance that General Alarro had mentioned the day they met.

As he added the new color to the empty space on the front of his armor, he thought about what it meant to him. The blue tint matched well with the purple already there, but he had not chosen it due to the complimentary colors. It reminded him of the one he had given his heart to the moment he met her.

Once the paint had dried, he held it up before him and nodded in satisfaction. A tap on his shoulder caused him to jump in surprise and he looked up to see the newly appointed ARC trooper that had been added to the 394th alongside the Jedi.

“These will look good too,” Sparx said. “They’ll complete the look.”

He handed Blaze two golden circles that matched the one the ARC trooper had on his helmet. Something about them seemed familiar that Blaze couldn’t put his finger on. Sparx handed him a tube of super strength glue and left him to his project once again. 

Blaze was at a loss on where to put the two circles. He supposed putting one at the front of his helmet crest like Sparx did made sense. He glued the circle in place and once it was dry, he held the helmet up to inspect it. Suddenly the familiar feeling made sense. 

It looks just like hers.

Blaze felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment at the fact that Sparx had noticed his feelings for the Jedi Commander. Although, given the interaction they just had, he seemed to approve. Blaze held the remaining circle in his hand, staring at it in contemplation.

Why had he given him two?

His gaze drifted over to the part of his armor that he had added the paint to before and an idea struck him. He grabbed the glue once again and added the circle to the center of his chest plate. Close to where his heart would be. Sparx had been correct, it did complete the look. 

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this! Please reblog, like, and comment!

[wisheduponastar]

The Villain (1.8k words, Gen and M/M)

For Day 27 of @danganronpashipmonths Saioma month. Inspired by the prompt : Identity Crisis

After the fourth trial, something in Kokichi breaks. He doesn't care about his plan, he doesn't care (as much) about finding the mastermind. He regrets everything, and he doesn't want to be the villain anymore. He just wants to be treated as human, to not have everyone hate him.

As he breaks down, he wonders if it's too late for forgiveness. The he ends up at Shuichi's door, pressing the buzzer.

Read on Ao3 or below

“Everyone… hates me… so the role of villain is perfect for me…”

“I wanna enjoy this game filled with suspicion and betrayal from the bottom of my heart!”

“The more you suffer, the more I enjoy it.”

Trying not to run away, to curl up and hide, Kokichi continued to stalk towards the exit. He was breathing through his nose, to avoid the tell-tale signs of his ragged breath. But that just meant he could smell metallic blood. Bright pink, and choking, Horrible. Reminding him of Gonta’s execution, of Kirumi’s, of so many deaths… The scent of blood made him want to throw up.

Bile did pool in Kokichi’s throat, just as he reached the elevator. He managed to push the door shut, waited for it to close, before Kokichi allowed himself to sink to the floor. Trembling almost as much as the machine he was riding in. But he forced down the bile, and he forced back what few tears were threatening to show themselves. He was the villain for god's sake, a self-proclaimed one at that. And with everything he had done… a self-made one as well.

Kokichi couldn’t afford for anyone to see him cry. No-one deserved to see Kokichi cry, either. Not any of his ‘classmates’ and certainly not the people watching, whoever they were. They didn’t deserve anything, let alone something near his true emotions. So as the elevator creaked that little bit more, signifying the ride being over, Kokichi forced himself to his feet. Standing slightly unsteadily, he left the elevator. He left the entire shrine of judgement, only stiffening slightly as he heard the elevator lower itself again. So everyone else would be out soon. He could face them.

As soon as he had left the shrine, more bile suddenly pooled in his throat. As silent as everything was, his fight or flight instinct began to kick in. His brain replacing the silence with the buzz of insects, the crackle of fire, a horrible cough. He shouldn’t have multiple people in his life coughing up blood. Kokichi shouldn’t… Kokichi shouldn’t even be here. It isn’t fair. He isn’t the villain.

No, with everything he’s done that’s wrong. He is the villain. But he shouldn’t have to be, even if this role did seem to be made for him. But that wasn’t fair. Being this… person, wasn’t truly Kokichi. He was a pacifist. The worst thing he had done before the killing game was petty crime, and pranks. A theft from an overzealous jewellery store. But never murder. He shouldn’t have had to resort to murder, he didn’t want to resort to murder.

Eventually, Kokichi found himself at the library. Staring up at a pile of neatly stacked books. No-one had touched them since Kaede had. The only changes in this library had been the removal of Rantaro’s blood, and the rest of the crime scene. Moving almost on autopilot, Kokichi swung open the hidden door - looking at the card reader. He’d taken Shuichi’s idea of placing dust there. And it had been disturbed, from when he’d most recently placed more on. So Kokichi put more dust on, trying and failing to pretend like this day was any other.

But he was trying to catch the mastermind. He wasn’t all bad, at least not yet. His objective was still to ruin this game, which wasn’t villainous. At least, he was fairly sure it wasn’t villainous. He’d become so caught up in everything that had happened, he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was right. But Kokichi was trying. He was trying.

The night time announcement played, and Kokichi still didn’t move. At one point, he’d picked up a book from the library. Eyes scanning over the letters without reading them, fingers numbly turning the pages. It must have been… almost midnight when Kokichi finally hit the end of the book. He blinked suddenly, as if going out of a trance. Turning the book over in his hand, Kokichi checked what it was. ‘The philosophy of a hero’ by some random professor. Of course Monokuma would put this in here.

As Kokichi closed the book, his finger caught on a slightly textured bit of the page. It had been wet. He looked down at it closer, the small circle shape the water damage was in. Almost subconsciously, Kokichi brought a hand up to his face, briefly dabbing at his cheeks. They were wet. He had been crying…

The realisation brought more tears. He was crying like he did when he wanted to fake it. Except this time they just wouldn’t stop. His throat was hurting, his eyes were hunting. Everything… everything hurt. Kokichi was still crying as he began to move again. He didn’t want to be the villain he’d made himself.

Numbly, Kokichi got up. He was still aware he was crying, he could feel the tears running down his face. He could taste the saltiness, ever so slightly. But at least he wasn’t tasting blood. Still moving, although he wasn’t sure where too, he focused on his footsteps. At least they could fill the silence, so his brain didn’t fill it in for him. He’d had enough of screams for one day. He’d had enough of screams for a lifetime.

Moving under the dome, the ‘end wall’, Kokichi didn’t bother to look up at the stars. They weren’t stars from their galaxy, at the very least. But they might have still been real, just new constellations - from wherever they were in space. He moved back to the dormitory, eventually. The doors opening as he approached.

For a second Kokichi simply stood there as they opened, staring and wondering if he wanted to go in. He didn’t, of course. But he needed to sleep, and he wanted someone to take his mind off today. Taking a deep breath, that was nowhere near as calming as he would’ve liked, Kokichi stepped into the dormitory building. It was silent, and there was no movement except his door closing behind him.

Kokichi wasn’t sure if he could face going into his room. The whiteboard on there, the people he’d have to move to dead… The things from each case, lying around. The reminder that he needed to get something from this trial as well; so he could complete the set. But with everything around, Kokichi wasn’t sure if he could face his room. Kokichi wasn’t even sure if he could face himself… who he’d become.

Maybe it was because something about Shuichi calmed him, maybe it was because Shuichi’s room was so close to the dormitory’s entrance; but Kokichi found himself outside Shuichi’s room. Looking at the buzzer, he brought a hand up to press it - only to realise he was still holding the book. ‘The philosophy of a hero’. How ironic for him. But the book didn’t stop him, and something made him press the buzzer anyway.

As he brought the book to his chest, he scowled as a tear fell onto it. Why was he still crying? The execution had been hours ago. Why was he still crying? And why were they falling faster again? How come tears were still falling, and his throat was still hurting? He was doing the breathing exercises, he should be able to control his tears. They shouldn’t be painful, and they shouldn’t be out of control. What had happened wasn’t even that traumatic, was it-

A pair of arms suddenly enveloped him. It was a hug. Gently, someone pulled Kokichi towards themselves - and ignoring every instinct, Kokichi let them. He leaned into the hug, resting his head into the person's chest. Listening to their heartbeat, and trying to stop sobbing. The book he was holding had crashed to the floor, but his chest wasn’t hurting as badly anymore. It was horrible now, just uncomfortable.

For almost a minute, Kokichi let himself be in the person’s arms. Something in him was too tired to care about this. There was a part of him that was just relieved someone cared. Someone didn’t think he was a horrible monster, a villain. Someone who believed in Kokichi, even when he didn’t.

But eventually common sense came back to him, and he struggled out of the grip. They let him go without resistance, but a slightly shocked noise. A slightly sad noise. Blinking to get rid of any remaining tears, because there were some, Kokichi squinted briefly to make out who it was that had hugged him. Who was still treating him as a human, even after all he’d done. And it was Shuichi…

Shuichi was standing there, patient and kind and caring. He hadn’t questioned why Kokichi was here, or why he had been crying. He just helped. And then something in Kokichi snapped. He didn’t care about keeping up his pretence as the mastermind, and being the self-proclaimed villain. He just wanted to talk to someone. He just wanted someone… not to hate him. The words rushed out of Kokichi before he could think, “I’m sorry.”

And then, as an afterthought, “I… I don’t want to be the villain anymore.”

Shuichi looked at him for a second, understanding flickering in his eyes, “I don’t want you to be either. Do you… want to come in?”

Kokichi nodded stiffly, moving into the room and quickly looking around. It was incredibly bare, compared to his at least. Just the basics, with nothing else attached. Although Kokichi knew what his looked like wasn’t exactly normal. For once, words didn’t come easily to him, and the two sat in silence for a while. Eventually, Kokichi took a breath, only slightly wincing at how his voice sounded, “I… I regret what I’ve done. I was doing it because I thought I could end this stupid game and have us get out together as friends. And I know it was baseless - and I do have a plan, and it’s working. But everyone hating me just feels-”

“I will never hate you, Kokichi,” the interruption is soft, gentle even. Reaching slightly out, Shuichi takes Kokichi’s hand, running his thumb over the back of Kokichi’s hand. “And I forgive you… this situation is the villain, not you.” “But-” there’s bitterness in Kokichi’s voice, and he yanks his hand back, “I’m a murderer!”

“You were scared,” Shuichi corrects, “What you did wasn’t… the best thing to do. But we’re teenagers, we’re in a death game. It isn’t us.” “I’m still a villain.”

“Do you want to be?”

Kokichi looks up, as though shocked at the question. His choices run through his mind for a second, and he feels slightly sick, “No…” “Then you’re not,” Shuichi says firmly, “And we’re going to fix this together.”

“Realllly?” A slight teasing tone enters Kokichi’s voice, but beneath it there’s a genuine question. Insecurity.

Shuichi just takes his hand again, with a small smile, “I promise.”