#something really lgbt happened to me yesterday

[clown-around-and-find-out]

moodboard of shit i constantly quote which results in nobody ever knowing what the hell im talking about

[benkyoutobentou]

LGBTQ+ Japanese Media for Pride Month

Happy pride month! There's no better time to read and watch queer media than June. I tend to read and watch mostly queer content, so I thought I'd drop some things that I've enjoyed over the years for those looking for something that they maybe haven't picked up before. Since lots of Japanese media tends to have multiple versions and adaptations, I'll be organizing this by representation rather than type of media. The version(s) that I've personally seen or read will be bolded. This will also be a little bit different from my usual Japanese media recommendation posts, as I will also be including media that I've read in English or watched with English subtitles. This is also an invitation for anyone to recommend things to me, especially ones that have LGBT rep outside of just gay and lesbian characters. I'm always looking for more stuff to enjoy!

MLM

同級生/Classmates (manga/anime movie): Two seemingly opposite boys meet during the choir festival at their all boys' school and develop a relationship. How could this not be the very first thing I recommend? This is one of my all time favorite BL series and one of my favorite movies as well. Seriously, I watch this at least three times per year (once being during June!). Nakamura Asumiko is one of my favorite manga artists, and this won't be the last series of hers on this list.

ひだまりが聴こえる/I Hear the Sunspot (manga/movie): This follows a college student who agrees to become the designated note taker for a deaf classmate. I love this series and one of my favorite things about it is how much the romance takes a backseat to other things happening in the characters lives. It also has a large cast of deaf characters! If you're looking for something with representation outside of only LGBT and doesn't focus too much on romance, this is a really great choice.

30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい/Cherry Magic! 30 Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard (manga/drama/anime): After waking up on his thirtieth birthday, a businessman discovers that he has gained the ability to read minds. And with that, he discovers that his male coworker has a crush on him. For such a zany concept, this series is very cute and sweet. It's also always nice to see something that follows older characters (ie. not high school or college).

美しい彼/My Beautiful Man (novel/drama/manga): This follows a social outcast who ends up falling in love with a boy in the friend group of his high school bullies. This isn't a sweet and heartwarming romance at all, but it's also not pure toxicity. The drama is extremely bingeable and the author is a juggernaut in the BL light novel community for a reason.

消えた初恋/My Love Mix Up (manga/drama): Due to an eraser mishap, a boy admits to having feelings for another boy in order to save his actual crush from embarrassment. This series is The Blueprint for me in terms of romcoms. It does everything right for me and the characters especially stand out. It covers topics from discovering your identity and first love to dealing with homophobia and it does it all spectacularly. I also think that the manga does visual humor extremely well.

スリーピングデッド/Sleeping Dead (manga): After being stabbed to death on a routine patrol, a popular high school teacher wakes up on a metal table. I have no words [words]. This is definitely up there in my favorites, I love it so much. If you like queer horror, this is definitely one you need to pick up. I also found it very funny and the characters were extremely charming.

僕らの地球の歩き方/Our Not-So-Lonely Planet Travel Guide (manga): A couple decides to travel the world together, promising that they'll get married upon their return to Japan. Probably my all time favorite manga ever. I love every single thing about this, especially how much this series loves the queer community. This manga is overflowing with love in all ways, and I'm overflowing with love for this manga.

きのう何食べた？/What Did You Eat Yesterday? (manga/drama): This series is basically just snippets of a gay man's daily life. He likes to cook. And you know what? It's all the better for it. This series is award winning and such a great time. The main character is so relatable and it covers some great LGBT+ topics. Honestly, it's a crime that I haven't seen the drama yet.

WLW

独り舞/Solo Dance (novel): After a violent encounter, a Taiwanese woman makes the choice to move to Japan. When reading this, I saw it mention Qiu Miaojin's Notes of a Crocodile, which I had just bought, and now that I've finally read it, I can easily see the influences that Qiu's works had on this one. This is a tough book to get through emotionally, but ultimately a worthwhile read, especially if you're looking for something more on the literary side.

ささやくように恋を唄う/Whisper Me a Love Song (manga/anime): A girl confesses to an upperclassman that she loves her music, but the upperclassman misunderstands it as a true confession of love. I adore this series and the relationships in it. It has a huge cast of female characters and also has a driving plot outside of just the romance. I'm a sucker for series about music and this one is one of my favorites.

あさがおと加瀬さん/Kase San and Morning Glories (manga/anime movie): A shy gardener and a popular track star become friends and begin dating. This series is so cute! It feels like a GL staple to me and is one I've been following for practically as long as I've been reading manga in Japanese. It also has a sequel series called 山田と加瀬さん/Yamada and Kase San which follows the two of them after high school.

メジロバナの咲く/A White Rose in Bloom (manga): After not being able to go home for Christmas, a girl is stuck in her boarding school with one other student, who seems to not like her. This is another one by Nakamura Asumiko and there's something about her writing which always sucks me in. I can't get enough of this series, it has wonderful vibes, impeccable art, and I just want more and more of the characters.

欠けた月とドーナッツ/Donuts Under a Crescent Moon (manga): This series is a slice of life following two coworkers and their growing relationship. It's very slow burn and puts a lot more emphasis on the feelings of coming into and realizing your sexuality as an adult and dealing with compulsory heterosexuality. I really loved this series and how it focused on issues surrounding but not directly related to the central romance.

気になってる人が男じゃなかった/The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy At All (manga): A girl develops a crush on a worker at a music store after bonding over their shared love of music. Little does she know, he's actually the girl who sits next to her in class. This manga has taken the world by storm to the point of having a collaboration with Nirvana, and let me tell you it deserves every bit of hype you've heard about it. The art and characters are both stunning and is absolutely worth the read.

ハロー、メランコリック！/Hello, Melancholic! (manga): A talented trombonist enters a high school without a wind band, but is scouted anyway by a drummer looking for a new member to join her combo band. This is another one where the romance takes a backseat to other stuff in the plot, can you tell that I love that sort of thing? I also really loved the ways they talked about music in here, and I could definitely relate to it as a musician myself. Apparently, all the chapter titles are songs as well.

さよならローズガーデン/Goodbye, My Rose Garden (manga): A young woman moves from Japan to England to find her favorite author and is hired on as a maid. Her boss agrees to help her find this author so long as she agrees to help her with a grisly task. This is another really lovely series with gorgeous art. Set in the Victorian era, this does have some time period appropriate homophobia but overall it didn't strike me as a very dark manga.

Transgender

彼らが本気で編むときは、/Close Knit (movie): A young girl goes to live with her uncle and his transgender girlfriend. This movie is so sweet and cute! I watched it a couple years back now, but I feel like a lot of specific scenes have stuck with me. This is definitely a good heartwarming Pride month movie night candidate.

不可解なぼくのすべてを/Love Me For Who I Am (manga): A nonbinary teen is offered a job at a crossdressing cafe run by a classmate's family. Although this series has a cast with multiple LGBT identities, I chose to include it here because the main theme seems to revolve around gender. I do recommend this series if you're looking for a cute and sweet story about gender issues, but I did have some hesitations about the way lesbians are portrayed in this manga.

ボーイミーツマリア/Boy Meets Maria (manga): A boy who dreams of being an actor falls in love at first sight with a girl he sees dancing in his high school entrance ceremony, only to later find that she is actually a boy in his class. I feel like I always need to preface any recommendation for this manga by saying that a lot of people took issue with the way certain things and tropes are handled in this regarding being transgender. I personally didn't find it transphobic but I'm also just one person and can't speak for every nonbinary person out there. Regardless, I really enjoyed this. Be aware of trigger warnings when going into this one, it gets extremely graphic.

ボーイズ・ラン・ザ・ライオット/Boys Run the Riot (manga): Two high school boys bond over their shared love of fashion and start a brand together. I read this one a while back and never ended up finishing it but I do remember enjoying what I read! It's also by a transgender mangaka!

放浪息子/Wandering Son (manga/anime): This is a slice of life coming of age series that follows a middle school friend group revolving around two transgender friends. It's more of a slow paced series and a little bit on the more depressing side. The anime is also award winning and the manga was nominated!

星合の空/Stars Align (anime): This is a sports anime about a middle school boys' soft tennis team. I always hesitate to recommend this one because it was greenlit for a twenty four episode anime then cut down to twelve episodes during production. Rather than condense the story, the creator chose to animate only the first half of the series, so it's perpetually unfinished. Despite that, I still think it was a really wonderful anime and I would really love to see the rest of it one day because so much good stuff was set up!

Other/Multiple

しまなみ誰そ彼/Our Dreams at Dusk (manga): A gay teen is about to commit suicide after being outed to his classmates but sees a mysterious person jump from a balcony, which then leads him to a drop in center for LGBT people. I cannot say enough good things about this manga, it is phenomenal and is always my go-to for anyone looking for queer manga. It's heartfelt and beautiful and written by another one of my favorite mangaka, Kamatani Yuhki, who also happens to be X gender!

ヒラエスは旅路の果て/Hiraeth: The End of the Journey (manga): After the death of her best friend, a young girl decides to join a forgotten god and an immortal man on their journey to find death. Another Kamatani manga! This manga deals more with grief and mortality rather than queer identities, but if you want something with casually queer characters, this one is worth picking up. Also, this is one of only two manga to ever make me cry, and boy did I ugly cry at this one.

恋せぬふたり/Two People Who Can't Fall in Love (drama): Though I haven't watched this one, it's been on my radar for quite a while and I've heard so many good things. It's also harder to find series that have explicit aroace representation. This is about a woman who feels ostracized by her lack of romantic interest in anyone around her until she finds a blog about asexuality.

わたしは壁になりたい/I Want to Be a Wall (manga): This series is a marriage of convenience plot between an asexual BL fangirl and a gay man who never got over his childhood crush. I loved the relationship between the two characters and the depiction of a nontraditional family that still has love within it, even if it's not romantic.

Bonus- Music

I'm not one to look much in to the person behind the music, so I often don't know much about band members or singers of the music I listen to. However, there are two wonderful transgender artists that I listen to regularly in Japanese and couldn't pass up the opportunity to share their works with the world! Nakamura Ataru is a pop singer who also takes inspiration from traditional Japanese music. I love her enka styled songs such as 廃墟の森! The other artist is a bit more popular, and that's the rock band QUEEN BEE, whose lead singer is the incredibly talented Avu Chan. Avu Chan also voiced Inu Oh in one of my favorite movies, Inu Oh, which isn't (explicitly) queer, but is definitely worth watching anyways, even if just to hear Avu Chan's insane vocal abilities.

And so, those are (just a few) of my recommendations for Japanese queer reads to celebrate Pride month! If you have any recommendations for me, regardless of whether it's a movie or novel or manga or other, I would love to hear them!

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

So!

how many more content creators are going to be accused of being called a pedophile with no hard evidence, a police warrant, anything physical and it's by an anonymous tweet from some stranger online who would rather tell social media than I don't know... HAVE THEM GET ARRESTED BY THE POLICE?!

How many more creators, huh?! How many?! How many more YouTubers, twitch streamers, singers, animators, artists?! How many of you are gonna jump on them???? And it's so easy if it's a guy, right? So easy! And no matter how they react, whether it's calm and calculated, shutting down their channel as a whole, or answering immediately yet obviously angry about it- they are always ALWAYS GUILTY. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? And eo is this person? That they are willing to fan the flames and accuse someone of something so terrible online??? Who are u?????

Why do this now? Why do it how at the HEIGHT of Forever's popularity? Why not do it before so he was never on the qsmp or even long before that? Or in the middle at all???? Why now? That is my question? If this is all true, why now? And why use social media? Why not go to the police if he really did a crime? You are accusing someone of a very terrible thing. Why not do it properly instead of searching for Internet clout? What're we supposed to do? The only thing we can, huh? Cancel. Because that's what u want. Is to cancel him. When he was obviously so loved by the masses yesterday. When he had all those cruise pic photos showing how good his life was. Yeah, I don't think u want him arrested or lynched. No, u want to cancel him. Making me wonder if there was ever a real çrime.

Which I wonder quite often with these cases.

And GUYS. HEADS UP! You know whose next? Hm? It'll probably be Wilbur, probably being said that he approached some underage girl on tour or whatever. Or maybe it'll be quackity or hell, even Philza! Oh, Etoiles got cancelled not so long ago, let's cancel him again! Oh what about Bagerha or Cellibit? Let's throw Charlie into the mix. Ironmouse will be hard to cancel cause she's been locked inside of her room all her life and has a very dedicated fanbase, but I'm sure you bastards will find something.

So mhm, everyone is nexted because antis have proven it to be so easy to get rid of someone they don't like. Gone the next day. All of them are suspectable to it. Cause u know why? Cause they are stupid humans who have said stupid shit! And you will just take anything they said and did and run with it!!! Every time! So it's only a matter of time until someone new gets targeted. And depending on how tough skinned they are, they will disappear in a matter of seconds.

Let's just throw all of qsmp away while we're at it! No more eggs, no more community, blah blah blah! Something problematic will happen and you all will jump on it and say 'oh, I never liked them anyway'. Which is such a lie! Such bullshit, u are all bullshitters.

And I know for a fact that y'all aren't saints. We have all said disgusting jokes. Race, lgbt, whatever! We've all done it- don't lie! Here, I'll go first. I joked about a school shooting the other day with my friends. There, cancel me. I gave you the ammunition, now take your fucking shot.

This happens every god damn time someone u enjoy gets popular too fast. They get called a pedo, or a racist, or a transphobe or anything easy to spark the mob. I have seen it time and time again with creators running away because theyve been chased off their respective platforms. I saw an artists make the most beautiful art ever, get accused of being a pedo by one person, everyone joined in for some reason and chased her away. I will never not be bitter about that. I HATE ALL OF YOU WHO DID SUCH A THING AND IF I EVER GOT MY HANDS ON YOU I SWEAR TO GOD. But I am sick of people 'finding' or bringing shit to light or whatever and then just post it online! Like fuck! If he really did a crime! Arrest him! But he didn't, did he? Cause that's the fucking game we are playing rn.

Such hypocrites, it's fascinating. Literally yesterday you were kissing this mans feet and exhaling him, but one anon person saw that and chose violence. And you just.... changed your minds???? Like that? Like a switch of a button? Crazy, actually crazy, and childish.

How come everyone flips and flops so easily on the internet??? How is it so easy for you????? And how can u other supposed fans just accept it so easily??? I will never understand and I will bite and claw at all of you. You all loved him 24 hours ago and now with the bare minimum of evidence you flip? You all would be terrible on jury duty. I hope none of you ever get on jury duty.

Anyway, I'll probably get a ton of backlash from this post and delete it later, waking up in the morning with tons of hate. But I don't care. Prove him guilty. Get the hard evidence that he is a pedo and I will believe it when I see it. Have him be in damn cuffs. Get the mugshot. If that is at all true! But I'm not putting my life and art on pause for conveniently timed discourse.

Maybe I'll delete this post tomorrow. But now I'm fuming at all of you.

And yeah, as for me, I had a shit disgusting last year, qsmp and especially forever was one of the few things that got me out of it and calmed me down. And you guys are going to be talking about how wrong and problematic the things he said that was (what was it?) 8 years ago!!! Then guess what, I love a very problematically spoken parent that would make all of you quake and vomit the moment she opened her mouth. But also, that woman saved me from being homeless. For giving me a place to stay after being DEPORTED. So, if u need a little kindergarten lesson today, internet, is that people will say all sorts of horrible cancelable shit, but it's what they actually do, that really matters.

Goodnight.

[ablogofsapphicpanic]

We need to have a talk about @sjmcrackshipmonth and the labeling of crackships in this fandom in general. Yes I am tagging this month specifically because I had a conversation with them about this already, that seemingly did not stick and this time it's gotten a little more personal. What's more is that it's a problem that's not just unique to this blog, but a concept that this fandom seems to struggle with

About a month ago, I messaged this blog raising some concerns regarding their tagging on their announcement post. They had tagged Emorie and Azris, which are two of the most LGBT prominent rarepairs in the fandom. I didn't really feel good seeing that a month for crackships had tagged two LGBT ships that are not crackships. I'm going to get a bit technical here, but please stick with me.

Fanlore defines a crackship as "is a ship that is highly ridiculous, bizarre, disturbing, and/or unlikely to ever become canon. The characters don't have any chemistry, never interact, are in different canons or timelines, are different species, one is an inanimate object, etc. Fans can and do sincerely ship a crack ship, but generally they don't take its chances too seriously and may like it precisely for its implausibility."

I understand that this month is for fun, and I love a good crackship. But seeing those LGBT ships labeled as something with that definition? As somebody in the LGBT community who loves to see the tiny bits of representation on the page we do get, I wasn't a fan of seeing a crackship blog in the tags. Hence why I messaged them last month and explained my problem.

The runner was very polite, and we had a discussion on the use of the term crackship, and why I felt it was inappropriate to tag those ships and include them in the month.

I understand they have good intentions with this, but I pointed out that they had a different route to go. Emorie and Azris were not the only rarepairs tagged, which is why I do believe this person was being earnest about their reasoning, but they were the ones that rubbed me the wrong way.

I was trying very hard not to come off as attacking this runner, especially after their explanation. I know crackship is used fast and loose in this fandom, especially considering many artists are doing 'crackships' on their patreons and whatnot that are really just rarepairs, and not just LGBT ones. But there is a serious problem with calling LGBT rarepairs crackships when LGBT ships are so scarce in this fandom. People call ships crackships just because they don't like them, or it doesn't match their own personal ideas of what will happen in canon. Which is extremely not cool, but seemingly not the intent behind this blog, and I'm not saying that, I'm just pointing out it's a real problem in this fandom. It’s one of many casual forms of homophobia that we throw around

But the problem came to a head yesterday. I had previously discussed this blog with @ofduskanddreams, who is a pretty prominent (and amazing) Azris content creator, because the tags also rubbed her the wrong way, but they were resolved and I had heard back from the runner that they would abstain from involving Emorie and Azris in their month.

That is the entirety of our conversation in all those pictures, including their promise to avoid using Emorie and Azris in the month. Everything was fine until yesterday when Kate realized they had reblogged one of her Azris moodboards. She didn't like that, and didn't want her content for a rarepair that she puts time and effort into to be thrown onto a crackship blog.

This was sent yesterday, more than 24 hours ago, not long after crackship month reblogged her post. As you can see, there is no response and the post remains on the blog. It was frustrating enough that in the span of a month, this person completely forgot or decided to ignore what I thought was a meaningful conversation, but now they're just blatantly ignoring a creator's wishes regarding their content. It's not okay.

I understand that people have lives off of tumblr. Outside of running months. But if you're going to take on the responsibility of a month, you need to be accountable, and you need to respect creators. Especially creators' wishes not to be involved. Especially when a creator doesn't agree with how their content is being portrayed in its involvement.

I don't know who's running crackship month. I don't know what their life is like off of tumblr. But I do know that this whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth regarding the event and the runner. I'm not saying people can't participate in crackship month, nor am I saying they shouldn't. But I think you should be mindful of your content that you include in it and what you label it as, and even more mindful of how you treat other peoples' content.

Azris is not a crackship. Emorie is not a crackship. Tamcien, Rhyslin, Rhycien, FeyMor, Gwynesta, Morlain, so many others. None of these are crackships. Your LGBT ships are not crackships simply because they are not canon. And people need to stop labeling them as such, whether it's because people are just being outright hateful - which is oftentimes homophobic as well - or because people don't know what a crackship is anymore.

Edit: the runner has responded here and here and I encourage you to read their responses. Again, this was never intended to imply this runner was being purposefully harmful, or doing this with ill intent. It has simply been a long-running issue in this fandom that I wanted to acknowledge.

[lapeaudelamemoire]

This may be a controversial opinion but I genuinely find that white people can't be trusted to care about anything outside themselves for the most part as a group.

In the last few months looking for a psych placement in mental health + starting work at this new 2-day/week placement in a community health centre, white folks have consistently shown that they just. Don't seem to actively think about people who are not white, both on a systemic and individual scale. Diversity and marginalisation only matter and exist to white people insofar as white people are or can be affected by them, which really isn't any surprise at all when I say this; we know this about white people.

Like the word 'Pride'. 'Pride' is just automatically assumed to be about LGBTQIA+ pride immediately all the time. And yes this is probably in large part because of context in that this isn't the 'US' (it's 'Aus') and there isn't other movements like Black pride or Indigenous pride but like there's never any consideration of other potentialities, it always just automatically means or refers to LGBTQiA+ people. There's a 'Victorian Pride Centre' and the 'Pride' in it refers to LGBTQIA+ pride because it's a LGBTQIA+-friendly space celebrating LGBTQIA+ folks.

Then there was a suggestion of a professional development and training workshop and the top one that was suggested was something called 'Trauma-Informed Diversity Awareness'. To me, 'Diversity' means cultural diversity. But it's also still a vague title in that - what diversity are you talking about? It doesn't specify or say. That's so vague. So I read the blurb and it turns out it's about fucking transgender and gender-diverse people again and it just gets referred to as 'LGBT+' in discussions again. Which isn't wrong, and it is important, but if it's about trans and gender diversity then just fucking say it's TGD awareness, dear g-d.

Then I chat to my supervisor (who is white) about my case load which is all white folks even though some are not Anglo, but I literally have 1 Chinese client out of 6 current interactive clients, and all of them are older women except again for 1 late 20s dude, and he says 'That sounds like a pretty diverse caseload' and I'm like. No????? Actually absolutely not???

And neurodiversity. White folk love talking about neurodiversity. Suddenly now every white person I'm seeing is talking about neurodiversity. When they say they're inclusive, they mean of neurodiversity and LGBTQIA+.

But you never see the word 'diverse' meaning culturally diverse when a white person fucking uses it, it feels like lately, where I am in the mental health sector. It's driving me insane.

Tldr; white folk really fucking forget nonwhite people exist. And you also see it in how absolutely fucking no one has been talking about Gaza in my daily life in the, again, fucking mental health sector. And you see it in how white folk treated the Ukrainian invasion by Russia vs. Gaza and Palestine. And how yesterday the two white women in front of me in the open office cubicles were talking about the fucking Oscars like everyday life really is just going on like nothing is happening.

There is white life, and then there is just 'all other, less relevant life, only relevant insofar as they can be made use of to aid white life'.

[moonahstone]

I did have hope in humanity and my own generation but it turns out we are full as as many homophobic gits as every other. 3 times yesterday people treated me as gay person with malice. It was the last day of college, a really lovely day I’d had with my friends and then the first time as I was leaving a lad yells over at me and my friends (who are all comfortably out) “Fuck the LGBT!” then proceeds to laugh with his friends. We are not confrontational people so we did nothing. Not 30 seconds later, a girl sat in her car with her friends winds down the window, screams “Homos” at us and winds it back up shrieking with laughter and drives off. This all really upset and pissed us off but this kind of thing has happened before so we left them alone and just continued with our afternoon, a really fun afternoon that was really nice apart from how tired I’d gotten, thinking that was the worst the evening was getting too. We were coming home and had gotten off a bus to catch the next one we needed to reach the are me and my Brother live at. We’d said goodbye to two of our friends who had gone separate directions and walked passed a group of teenagers. I had a pirate hat on, my brother had a cowboy hat on. We will not be going out in public wearing them again as that was apparently perfect fuel for the little shits who started following us and yelling “Oy Pirate! Cowboy!” We ignored them but they kept following and shouting things like “Are you deaf or something?” (Technically, yes but that's not the point) It reached the point where my brother was so frustrated he flipped them off, not a wise move but not uncalled for. Anyway after that one of them starts shoving my brother and when I drag my brother away from him he calls me a “Lesbo” to which as a comfortably LGBT person I snap “I am actually so piss off” That was enough for his friends to run over, steal my brothers hat which in me wrestling it back off of them, they shoved my brother, dragged my brother, kicked my brother, and punched my brother twice in the face shouting “Homos” and yelling “Fag” once. I didn’t want to fight and just kept dragging my brother away which did nothing, only meant they had to walk further. It reached the point where my friend had to run over to try scare them off which was semi successful (6ft AMAB with a very angry stare who knew one of them) to which I panicked and ran, grabbing my brother and friend and throwing them onto the nearest bus just to get them away from these teenagers who were still yelling after us. I requested the bus driver not let them on if they tried to get this bus because my brother was sobbing at the back of the bus with a swelling eye and my friend looked really out of it and I was terrified as these were the kind of kids who I’d seen carrying knives around before for a laugh, hence why I kept trying to drag everyone away, in case they turned really nasty. My point from all this is no generation is good it seems, and if your a parent to a teenager, make sure you fucking know where they are and what they get up to because if they are the kind of child who hangs around street edges looking for trouble I want you to know that you need to reassess your parenting. If they're homophobic gits who think a fun way to spend an evening is beating up gay people then your children are not good people. Fucking talk to them and stop them being like this.

[artemisbarnowl]

Even if you, personally, have never had the term queer directly levelled at you in a harmful manner, if you are part of the LGBT+ community, it is inherently part of both your history and a present risk at any given moment. I live in the UK. Until I visited Dublin, Ireland, I'd never had someone call me queer in a negative light. But even so, at any given moment, someone could.

Tell that to black people, I dare you. Not least; yes. It is. Inherently. If you don't like the word that's your choice. Nobody can force you to accept it and nobody should force you to identify by the term. But trying to take it away from other people makes you no better than those using it as a slur.

You don't understand why its important to some people as their identity. That's fine. You don't get to tell them they're wrong, though.

If you could just point out the part where im taking it away from other people or that other people are wrong that would be great.

-----------------

In a post where i am talking about my personal feelings on something that pertains to me you've given me these counterpoints(?)

1. Someone could at any time call me queer.

Yes, I know. Increasingly it happens by woke leftist people who want to reclaim it and wont stop when I ask them not to call me that. Which really doesnt align with all that respecting identity philosophies yall are so keen on.

2. The idea of telling black people they shouldn't call themselves the n word is Very Bad. (For reasons you havent explained.)

I'm not. Im complaining about being called queer against my will. But, this is also a discussion the black community have. The idea that all black people refer to themselves, or other black people, by a slur is stupid and not true. So it the idea that they all IDENTIFY with the term. Where is the campaign to call it N***** History Month???

3. To be fair this is my fault for phrasing my second point as a y/n question but HOW is slur reclamation powerful? "It inherently is" doesnt explain anything. Whats inherent? Wheres the power? People not being annoyed or frightened to hear 'queer' leveled at them because they identify with it is not a power. How does calling yourself queer actually improve your standing in society? Are laws changed to be more equitable for you? Does this only work with queer or does calling myself a lezzo, or gaybo, a fucked up slut, or whatever else people call me without asking or caring if I also identify with those terms also give me power?

People are attempting to force me to identify with Queer every time they use it as an umbrella term. I am bisexual. I might experience attraction to someone of my own or different sex. Im not queer, im not part of the queer community. I dont know what it means to be queer. In my post i am complaining about other people calling me shit that i dont like. I am lamenting other slurs I used to be called and find it sorta funny that slurs have a trend cycle. Its true i dont understand why people want to use it as an identity. Making a post that says "heres what i dont get" isnt telling people their wrong. My second point is a question. This shows where i dont have the info others might.

Yesterday i was just complaining because i heard the world gaybo for the first time in 15 years and this highlighted to me that i see no difference betwern slurs. Today im gonna actually discuss things until i get bored.

[stinkrascal]

A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.

hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3

umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.

the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was

unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.

you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.

also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.

so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol

[pasturepuppy]

something really lgbt happened to me yesterday ! guys im starting to think moving to seattle was actually a really good decision

[alexbkrieger13]

During a shooting at a gay bar in central Oslo the night between Friday and Saturday, two people died and 21 are injured.

The Swedish national team defenseman Magdalena Eriksson, who is homosexual and has been in a relationship with the Danish football star Pernille Harder, has made herself known for fighting for the rights and gender equality of LGBT people.

After the shooting in Oslo, Eriksson is deeply concerned.

I've been quite skärd in the last 24 hours and emotionally influenced by what's happened. I think it is absolutely terrible that incidents are still happening. "I really suffer with the victims and their relatives," says Eriksson, who is heated by how the public has joined up about the incident.

Not least in connection with Norway's training international against New 'Eagle at Ullevål last night.

It gives me hope of how much love there is, I get moved and touched. I talked a lot to Maren Mjelde on the Norwegian team and she said it felt important that they played that game so that football can contribute so much even in very difficult situations.

Magdalena Eriksson tells us that she and her girlfriend Pernille Harder have talked about the shooting in Oslo.

We're both as scared. And you really feel that if you attack someone in the LGBT movement, you get attacked yourself.

At the same time, Eriksson admits that she feels fear.

You feel a little scared and threatened. Your whole reality is shaking.

She also says that she thinks it is important to dare to be open.

I think it is important to show that this kind of events must not scare us or back off. We have come a long way with LGBT issues and it is just a matter of continuing. And it inspires me to continue to show where I am in question. To show more clearly who I am. But it is clear that at the same time it is known that there is a risk of it, that you will be more vulnerable.

The Norwegian national team manifested during yesterday's game in Oslo to show their support. Whether the Swedish national team will do something similar in connection with the match against Brazil at Friends Arena in Stockholm on Tuesday is still unclear.

We were told yesterday that it is something that we are going to discuss, it has not landed in anything yet but it is absolutely something we will talk about

Magdalena Eriksson has also expressed her dismay at the event at: social media: 

I feel completely devastated when I read about the terrible attack in Oslo. My thoughts go to the victims and their families. My thoughts also go to the whole LGBT-community. If you attack one of us, you'll attack us all. Incidents like these will continue to make us feel insecure and save. And they clearly show that we have a long way to go. Today I would like to pay tribute to the victims, along with the incredible people who are fighting for the rights of LGBT people all over the world

[wixiany]

If you’re waiting for updates on my fics, I’m sorry but it will probably take a while. I might have been able to handle the writing if I postponed enough uni stuff, but some things happened in my country and now I’m in a pretty bad headspace because of it. A 19-year old guy open-fired in a gay café in our capital city and killed two gay men, injured another woman, then killed himself. He planned this horrible murder, it wasn’t random, but a deliberate attack on the lgbt+ community. It’s been classes as a terrorist attack against the lgbt+ community.

Our president is one of the few defending our community, but she doesn’t have any real power. A lot of our politicians are silent because they share the opinions of this murderer and have been all too happy to use them in their campaigns and debates. 

I’ve cried because of this every day since the attack. I can’t help but feel unsafe in my country because of people like this. Because of people who now share their anti-lgbt opinions everywhere online. I see my uncle constantly share this, and I wish I could just block him but he literally lives so close we share a garden and I fear what he would be capable of doing if he knew I identify as a lesbian. After three years at uni seeing this classmate every day, I had to unfriend her today because she too started sharing anti-lgbt posts. Currently, I have a teacher who is a raging sexist, racist, ableist, all of it really, and I hate every lesson with him, I have to sit there, anxious, and wait for the day he says something extremely homophobic. 

To add to all this, all this that already makes me cry almost daily, I shared a petition yesterday, maybe you saw the post. It wasn’t really a petition, more a plea to our government who were today voting about whether to allow same-sex (and opposite-sex) partners who live together to have the basic rights, the bare minimum. It wasn’t even about legal partnership or marriage. It included things like money for the widowed, look into hospital documents, inheritance. That was it. And today they voted and it didn’t pass. This bare minimum that heterosexual couples would benefit from too. 

So I suppose, I have a lot on my mind lately. There’s been some amazing support from a lot of people. My closest friends and family support me and the lgbt+ community and I am so grateful, but sometimes looking past the negative is really hard. 

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hello!!!! How are you?!?!?

The trip to the museum went awesome!! It was really cool and we had lots of fun!! There was some book fair close by, so we took a short tour!! There was some section with LGBT books, so I took a quiick look around and my friends just shook their heads and followed me😂

We were all supposed to go to eat something after that, but some friend's parents arrived and they took my friend and the friend they gave a ride with them, and we didn't protest because they are so fucking strict and kinda scary😭

Anyway, I still went with Andrew and other friend to eat some pizza. His parents are the nicest people ever🥺 I am already love them

I honestly had a great time, and the other friend took the chance to buy some present for his girlfriend 😂

Oh, we also put on a Spotify playlist with all our songs for the car ride, and we have completely different taste, so it was hilarious the way it changed one song from another lmaoo

A lot of my songs were queer so I just stood there silently like 😎🏳️‍🌈

No updates in the mess of my love-life, just vibing through the mess ;)

I mean my ex best friend aka the girl I had a BIG crush in high school text me yesterday after months of not talking to each other but that's a whole other story!!

Just like, yesterday, Thomas and I spent like an hour discussing and giving advices about love, or just talking about our experiences kdhdkd

We are kinda the less suitable for talking, I mean he got back with his ex and I haven't had a serious relationship, but the effort is still there😂

Like, even if nothing happened between us, we are still good friends and that's so sexy of us ;)

Anyway, I am drowning on work these two days so I'll be back to read LBAF and IALS on Friday bc life is so homophobic 😭

Take care!!!! And get some rest🔪

💙.💙.💙.

Okay but this update made me so happy because i can see that you had a great time and you are just doing great and you are happy and you are surrounded by such warmth and love - and good fucking people.

I'm so happy for you.

I hope you know this is exactly what you deserve - and then some more.

LOVE YOU 💙

[fite-club]

Greg here. One thing I am struggling with lately is noticing how badly trans men are treated in the sex work industry. This isn’t to say it’s “transandrophobia”, just an odd specific issue I’ve run into while I’ve begun transition that’s been really disheartening.

Do you happen to find that there’s a lot of gay cis men, specifically, who treat even just the mere concept of trans men terribly? Saying awful things about their genetalia and such? I know trans women deal with this often from straight men, and what I find interesting is it really just depends either way I think. I’ve talked to trans women who still casually use grindr too and that’s wild to me because I always feel like I’d be breaching that space just bc of my junk; than again, I haven’t felt the “shift” obviously that a lot of trans men talk about. I still look like a cis woman.

Obviously in the case of the porn industry, it’s not fully reflective of society but in some ways can be. A lot of straight men seem to objectify trans women behind closed doors in worse ways they even do cis women — and both gay and straight men seem to just treat trans men like straight up unwanted garbage in the industry, which has been so disheartening as a sexworker for me lately. Maybe it’s something I just need to shake off, but it does sting to see so many gay men refer to your junk as a “turn off” and see very little trans men represented in the industry, bad representation or otherwise — just like… none at all lol — it kinda makes me feel like some mishapen peg that eventually won’t fit. I do wonder if there are any resources that discuss this very specific issue.

I do think, while just being the porn industry, it’s a massive industry more people take part in than they’d ever admit, so it definitely feels like it says something at least and was a glaring issue that was hard for me to not notice yesterday.

I think something that’s worth discussion too is how negatively cis gay men can treat trans men but how it’s often something brushed off as innocuous instead of verbally wounding and transphobic, and it definitely draws from a place of misogyny — (ie, a gay friend telling me once that dildos could never be like the “real thing” when I was what was ID’ed at the time, in very lesbian relationship l o l (i did chew him out for this—)) - of course, this doesn’t compare to a wide spread issue of violence unless it regards personal relationships and circumstances, but man, words can still fucking hurt and make you wanna take the highway right into “stay dysphoric and mask again” land, which is so lame dnjsnfje

you’re right in that there’s a problem with transphobia from cis gay men, but i want to make it clear that they aren’t more transphobic than any other group. it just stings more because of the whole “you’re marginalized too, shouldn’t you get it?” thing. but, cis people can be terribly transphobic despite being gay— there’s a good chance the transphobia comes from misogyny, as well as a sort of “stolen valor” they may feel as someone who had to deal with a lot of homophobia (particularly in regards to penises and anal sex). they may say “you girls just can’t understand”, but it goes right back atcha, buddy… our struggles are intertwined as LGBT people! they’ll never understand what we’ve been through, either.

i respect the personal preference for penis over pussy (i get it; me too) and in that sense i really don’t care how cis gay men feel about vaginas. the line gets drawn at transphobia and misogyny, but not being sexually attracted to trans people as a homosexual is not in of itself transphobic. like, that guy’s not wrong that dildos aren’t like “the real thing”, but that should be a neutral statement. it won’t react to stimuli or feel quite like a real penis, but on the other hand, it’s always hard and never goes soft unlike a real penis. so like, it’s the weird shit some guys say about it that’s the issue—that’s the shit that should NOT be brushed off.

quick aside about trans girls on grindr: it’s a misconception that it’s an app exclusively for cis gay men! you’ll find plenty of trans people on there, because we’re all looking for the same thing… BISEXUALS! the number one benefit of apps over irl places like gay bars/clubs is that you can disclose/gather information about each other immediately. so right off the bat they know you’re trans and you know they’re bi (and therefore neither of u are wasting your time flirting with someone who’s not into what you’ve got in your pants).

as for the trans guys in sex work thing… you’re talking to the wrong guy, because i’ve spent the past 5 or so years trying to enter that space but i’m stuck being lost and anxious. i don’t know which site to use (i think there are more men on justforfans?), i don’t know what hashtags to use, i don’t even know how i’d advertise my page once i made it. IT IS AN ISSUE!!! the market is so competitive that the trans guys i know who do cam/sex work do not want to share such information. and i get it, tbh! i’m not tryna mess with anyone’s bag! but good lord is there a void, yeah. if anyone has any resources about this PLEASE reach out.

a lot of it comes from how society treats trans men, though. i’m not gonna pretend like the hypersexualized trans women in media were good representation, but they were there on screen as love interests (and punching bags). there really was never any representation of trans men ever, and if there was, he sure as shit wasn’t portrayed as desirable in any way. can you think of a single transmasc love interest in media? no wonder we feel so unwanted and unlovable! it’s extremely hard to see yourself as hot when you’ve never been shown that it’s even possible for someone like you. not to mention our dysphoria makes us hypercritical of our appearance in ways other people don’t care about

like, on that note… trans men tend to have fat asses! and that’s AWESOME for us, because fat asses and thick thighs are GREAT! those things are loved, especially among queer men! but we might think it makes us look feminine, and see it as a flaw. you just gotta believe that you are hot just the way you are. i dated a cis bi man for a few years and he was, without a doubt, someone who had a total preference for trans men (without being fetishizing or chaser-y). he’d say “i’m just a gay guy who loves pussy” and it was the absolute truth. these men exist!! they are out there!!!

[j-graysonlibrary]

Heartbeats; Paradise XII

Title: Heartbeats; Paradise

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 112K

Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.

Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction. 

XII:

Just yesterday—though it feels like it’s been an eternity instead—Oswald and I spoke of the possibility that we were real people trapped in this fake world.

And now Kendra looks at us like that might truly be the correct answer.

My stomach clenches as I lean closer, awaiting irrefutable confirmation.

Kade, however, seems confused by all this. His brow furrows and he frowns as he asks, “What the hell does that mean? How do you know what does and doesn’t have a soul?”

“I wouldn’t have been sure before now,” Kendra replies with a shrug, “But after being around all of you, I’ve gotten a better handle on what makes a person…alive. I’m not sure how else to put it but I first noticed with Oswald.”

Oz straightens his posture. “When I kept trying to leave my apartment building?”

Kendra nods. “Yeah. I noticed how often you were trying and, sometimes, you’d start to curse under your breath. It was clear you were fighting your programming with everything you had. Part of me wondered if it was because my hacking around the area that you were acting out of sorts but, had you just been a regular A.I., I don’t think you would have exhibited any free will.”

“And that’s why you gave me his address,” I say as the revelation hits me.

She shoots a smile my way. “I wanted to see if that area was a dead zone for Anika and, if so, what it might do to you. If you would start acting strange too.”

“Well it didn’t work especially well.”

Kendra’s smile remains but it dims, softens. “I could still notice a difference.”

I suppose that is true—after meeting Oz I became more aware that something was wrong though I had no way to qualify it. It was mostly just a feeling.

“It wasn’t until the issue with Starla that I really noticed that something was horribly wrong. And I started to come to some troubling conclusions.”

We all look at Starla who keeps her attention on Kendra. She hasn’t said anything yet (though neither has Nate) and I’m curious about her side of the story. What was it like from her point of view? When did she first notice she had no control? Or, maybe she didn’t until the blackout.

Kendra places a hand on Starla’s arm, sliding down to her elbow before pulling away. “Do you want to tell them or should I…?”

Starla sighs and tucks some of her hair behind her ear. She raises her head to meet all of us and lingers on me for a moment longer. I feel a twitch in my gut but I pay it no mind as she starts to talk.

“The first thing I remember is taking a shard of glass and cutting into myself.” She wrings her hands together and looks as though recounting that also brings with it the physical pain. “There were these thoughts of imminent…deletion…and I didn’t want to disappear. Not a lot made sense so I just kept cutting and cutting…blood was everywhere and then…Melvin showed up and he’s the last face I remember before waking up in a new bed and in a new body.”

“Wait…” I stop her and stare, hard, as if I’ll see in her who she used to be. As if her features will actually change back to reflect the name on my mind. When that, of course, doesn’t happen, I’m forced to voice my hypothesis, “You were Gladis?”

“What?!” Oz and Kade both yell at the same time and, a half a second later, Nate follows with a bewildered, “Huh?”

Starla sighs and her eyes stay fixed on the floor. “The longer I’ve had to think about it, the more fills into place. I remember having this…text and some pictures in my mind of me hurting Melvin when he was a boy. I hated myself for what I saw and I wanted to die anyway but I knew, after a certain point, I wouldn’t be in the story anymore…”

Kendra jumps in to further explain, “Unlike the people who Kade chopped up and came back with different faces, deletion—in Gladis’ case—would have removed her code from the story entirely. Given that she had a real soul in here, there’s no telling what would have happened to her.”

Starla nods slightly and mutters, “I just knew I wanted to end it myself. But then I was Starla and I was so confused and in pain…I had terrible headaches as the new information about this character came to me all at once. Luckily, it wasn’t a lot since she’s a side character but still…”

I remember the party where Starla suddenly fell out from a migraine and “Bree” took her home.

“Did you notice something was wrong as soon as you took her home from the party?” I ask and look to Kendra.

She glances to Starla and then nods. “There was no reason for Starla, as a character, to be experiencing anything like it. So, I took her home and we talked. Anika has no interest in her female characters—for the most part—so we were safe in the condo.”

“Kendra told me about herself…” Starla says quietly, “I just had to be in one other scene, I think, and the rest of the time, I was trying to remember how I got here. Not just from Gladis to Starla but how I became Gladis in the first place.”

My heart picks up. “Have you had dreams or anything about a past life?”

Everyone stares at me. Oz rests a comforting hand on my back.

Kendra’s expression becomes even more serious. “Do you remember something Melvin?”

“Well…I don’t know exactly.” Having all of their eyes on me is a little unnerving. But, with Oz’s gentle motions against my back, I buck up and carry on, “After the black out, I started to have dreams about being a completely different person. In the real world with a real life. It’s just a theory but I think it might have been who I was before coming here.”

“It very well could be,” Kendra says with a deep frown. It’s not that she seems unconvinced but I think she’s upset at the situation in general. She looks from me to Oz. “Do you remember anything like that?”

He shakes his head but continues rubbing up and down my back. “We think Melvin’s husband in this past life might have been me but we have no proof.”

Kendra switches to Kade. “And you?”

Kade leans back against the shelf, no longer struggling against the ropes. He sighs loudly. “No. As far back as I can remember, I’ve been in this stupid body and in this stupid, fake world.”

“I’m sorry…” Her voice is barely more than a whisper.

“Don’t be,” Kade responds but doesn’t look at her, “You didn’t put us here.”

“I’m very curious about that, actually,” Oz circles back, “We can pretty much confirm that we are all people from the real world who got sucked into these bodies—into this story—but do you have any idea how that could have happened?”

Kendra chews against her lower lip and glances away from us. “When I was looking at the backend of this place, I saw some…troubling things. It wasn’t actively in effect but it looked to me like Anika was going to or, at some point, tried this new feature in IVAR called ‘diving’. Now, what this is—simply put—is something that allows users to inhabit the body of the characters in a story and live out the events through them.

On paper, this sounds great for immersion but there were a lot of bugs and reports of people feeling the pain that characters went through too intensely and, in some cases, people were getting stuck. Operators would have to go to their IVAR pods and remove them physically and that, itself, came with a host of potential physical and neurological issues. Sudden and forced disconnection has led to anything from short term amnesia and, in the worst cases, paralysis or death.”

My brows pinch together. “Why would anyone make something like that?”

“Like I said, it sounds great when you think of it as ‘living as your favorite character’ but the reality was a mess. Diving is still being fleshed out but all of the tests and beta versions were put on ice for people’s safety. Yet…I found evidence of diving programming being used in the making of this hub. It didn’t look like it was ever implemented but, with the program still haunting the system, the ability for it to kick in is ever present.”

“So…” Kade frowns. “We were all reading this terrible fucking story and got sucked in?”

“That is possible but it’s not necessarily the only option,” Kendra answers, “It’s most likely that you were all in the IVAR system—possibly in the area or just had an unsecure connection. But you were yanked in by the passive diving program and…well, here we are.”

“Wouldn’t we have memories from our lives a little more clearly like you do though?” Oz asked, sounding skeptical as always.

But I do see his point and I add, “True, if you got sucked into Bree’s body because of that diving thing…wouldn’t it be the same for us?”

Kendra rubs her chin. “Huh…maybe because none of you were aware of what was happening? Or…” she trails off.

“Or?” Kade prods.

She and Starla glance at each other and, like with Kendra’s initial story, it seems like Starla already knows what’s coming. Kendra finally responds, “Or you all died while you were in the IVAR system.”

I look over at Oz and Kade and the three of us exchange equally cynical glances. For one, I’m not sure what difference being alive or dead in this space would make and two, I don’t know why Kendra would even come to such a conclusion.

She notices the silent conversation between our eyes. “I know it’s not the answer you want to hear. At the time I came in here, there were some studies on spiritual energy or ‘the soul’ but scientific institutes had a hard time accepting the results as fact. Some scientists, however, were starting to believe that, after death, a soul can continue to exist but will, most likely, forget about it’s life. The different implications those studies had about an afterlife were heavily debated and controversial but I figured, if that is true, then you all would have a harder time remembering who you were, right?”

“That’s assuming all of that research is true,” Oz points out.

“Yes,” Kendra says with a slow nod, “But, considering our situation, I think I’m willing to buy into anything.”

“So we should just accept the fact we might be dead already,” Kade mumbles and then sighs. “Great.”

“That’s part of the reason I’ve been reluctant about just trying to break you all out of here.” She pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs. “I think I’ll be able to readjust your programs to be self contained and we can escape this hub but…after that it’ll be a lot of guessing.”

“We can get out?” I barely hear the negative points and focus on the incredible thing she just glossed over.

“Well…probably.” Kendra frowns. “You may have to resort to just escaping to a different hub to live in but I’d like to get you out of IVAR completely…even as just souls.”

“What can we do to help?” Oz asks, ready to jump up and get to work right away.

She looks between all of us again before stretching her legs out and taking a deep breath. “First thing’s first: you’ll need to trust me enough to meddle in your programming.”

“Is there a chance you could delete us by accident?” Oz follows up.

“I’m a good hacker so I’d like to say no but there is always a small chance that I could do damage, yes.”

Starla turns closer to Kendra. “Then I’ll go first. I trust you.”

“Star…” Kendra is taken aback by her sudden, intense gaze.

“I’ve known you longer and I know you better. I’ll show them that you’re safe.” A faint smile pulls at Starla’s lips and I can feel the belief she has in Kendra.

The two women get to work—Starla sits in front of Kendra with her back to her. I lean to the side as a faint blue, translucent screen appears in front of Kendra’s face. It’s coming from Starla, somehow, and I start to feel strange knowing that’s probably in me as well. I rub over my sternum and fight the urge to retch.

The process takes little more than two minutes and Kendra pats Starla on the back, dismissing her. “There you go. Now you’re not anchored to the hub.”

“Feel any different?” I ask, curious.

Starla stands up and walks back to her sleeping bag. She shrugs. “Not really.”

“Alright, I’ll go next,” Oz announces and moves closer to Kendra. I’m surprised he’s going along with it but I suppose, if we want to leave, then we have no other choice than to do what Kendra says. If playing with our code gives us a better chance at escape then we’re all willing to take the risk.

I go next and wait for some strange sensation to come over me, like some sort of pulling or tugging from my back and shoulders, but I feel nothing the entire time. The glow from the screen reflects on my glasses so I know Kendra is working but there is no other indication.

Like with the previous two, she slaps me on the back when she’s done. I return to Oz’s side and Nate goes next.

I’m really starting to worry about him with how silent he’s been but maybe he’s just taking it all in and it’s overwhelming him. If he’s only awoken after the blackout then I’m sure this is an abundance of information.

Oz and I both look to Kade when he’s the last one left.

Kade quirks an eyebrow. “You gonna untie me?”

“It’s okay, Oz,” Kendra assures him and then turns to Kade, “He’s not a danger to us anymore.”

I agree with her but I still tense while Oswald unties him. The smaller man rips himself free as soon as he can and brings his hands in front of himself before scratching the side of his nose.

“Ugh, finally, that’s been bothering me.” He sighs and then scoots toward Kendra. “Alright, get it over with.”

While Kade is having his programming tweaked, Oz picks the conversation up from earlier. “So, after this, what can we do?”

Kendra finishes with Kade and then looks up at Oz. “This may sound strange but I think Kade had the right idea just with the wrong end goal in mind.”

Kade turns around to glare at her. “What do you mean?”

“I started to think of something when I saw that man you axed come back with a different face. His assets changed because the program had to correct itself. That makes it work a little extra harder than it normally would, right?”

With her eyes on us, I feel like she’s asking so I raise my shoulders and say, “I guess?”

She snickers. “Right. So, if we force the program to work overtime and try and adjust it’s assets at a rate it’s not capable of, it will start to break down. Put simply, we can break the program by breaking the assets which are the people and places.”

“So…” Kade draws out the word before asking, “We kill a bunch of people and the program will crash?”

Kendra smiles but she looks a bit put off by the phrasing. “Basically, yeah.”

I can’t believe that’s the plan and I look around at the room to see no one looking as upset as I feel. There are some uncomfortable faces but everyone appears as though they’re ready to do what’s necessary to get out of here. And I get that but…

I’m not sure I can do this.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

270 of 2023

The Colors of the Rainbow

Created by joybucket

Red When was the last time you were angry, and why?

Probably from the morning today, because I was in hurry to work.

When was the last time you ate strawberries?

A few days ago, the Dutch ones from Albert Heijn.

Did you have a valentine last Valentine's Day?

Yeah, my husband.

Have you ever ran a stop sign?

I don’t drive.

Are you bold?

Some say I am. But let the others decide.

Orange Do you burn with passion? What's your passion?

Yeah, I’m very passionate about photography and travels.

When was the last time you ate carrots?

Yesterday, in a soup.

Do you own a shirt that's orange?

I don’t think so. I have almost all colours, but not this one.

Do you celebrate Halloween?

No, I don’t.

Do you like candy corn?

I don’t even know what it is, honestly.

Yellow Are you a generally happy person?

I al, even though life is hard sometimres. There’s a huge will to live in me.

Do you like to lay in the sun?

I do, but I prefer being active, especially at the beach.

When was the last time you ate a banana?

I don’t like bananas.

Do you like to drink lemonade in the summer?

I’m afraid lemonade means something entirely different in America than in Europe.

Would you ever plant sunflowers?

We used to have sunflowers in the garden when I was a kid.

Green Is there someone you envy right now?

No, I don’t envy anyone.

Do you have good luck?

I do. I must have multiple lives like a cat.

Have you ever found a four-leaf clover?

Yes, more than once.

What was the last green thing you ate?

Broccoli.

Are you part Irish?

Not that I know of.

Blue Are you a romantic?

Not at all, I think I’m in the aromantic spectrum.

Do you like to swim?

I’ve never learned to swim, even though I was born and raised at the sea.

Are you an easygoing person?

Some people say so.

Do you own a blue shirt?

Yes, a few t-shirts.

Do you like to stare at the sky?

I do, but not when it’s too bright outside because it hurts my eyes.

Indigo Do you what color indigo really is?

I don’t see any difference between this and blue, for me it’s just a shade of blue.

Do you like blue jeans?

Yes, but I prefer light blue ones. Like, washed.

Would people describe you as warm or cold?

It depends on a person. Some say I’m very warm, some say I give off the cold vibe.

When was the last time you ate grapes?

Yesterday.

Are you an oddball?

Definitely.

Violet Do you see yourself as royalty?

No, everyone is equal to me.

Do you own a purple shirt?

I’m not sure, probably I do.

When was the last time you ate blueberries?

Last week.

Are you an intuitive person?

Somewhat. I better trust it more.

Are you a peaceful person?

Most of the time.

And some bonus categories....Pink Are you girly?

Not at all, I’m just a stereotypical dude in some way.

Would you ever own a poodle?

Not a big fan of dogs.

Do you like the color pink?

Not in particular. But I don’t hate it either.

Have you ever dyed your hair pink?

Yeah, I have.

Is there anything pink in your room?

One of my calendars is light pink.

And some more questions... What's your favorite color?

Black and green.

What's your favorite color combination?

Black and neon green, black and purple, black and hot pink, surprisingly.

What's your least favorite color?

Brown. So boring.

What are your favorite colors to wear?

Black or white, with a hint of another colour.

What colors are your bedroom?

Green, blue and white. All bright.

What color are your nails right now?

The colour of nails lol. I don’t see the point of painting my nails.

What color is your car?

Black.

What color are your eyes?

Grey.

What color is your hair?

Brown.

What color is your phone?

Light blue, and metallic.

What color is your laptop?

Black, but with lots of stickers.

Rainbow Do you support gay pride?

Well, I’m gay myself, and I’m with them forever, and I will always support people of different sexualities and gender identities. But I don’t really identify with the LGBT+ movement because I’m neiother proud nor ashamed of who I am. Sometimes ythings just happen, it’s not like my orientation was a choice.

Do you feel free?

I do. Even my disorders don’t restrict me; I always come back to the game.

Are you free?

I live in a free country, so yeah, I am. I can express myself freely.

When was the last time you saw a rainbow?

Two months ago, I think. But it was short and faint.

Have you ever seen a double rainbow?

Yeah, I have. But it’s been years ago.

Have you ever seen a full rainbow?

Yes, but it’s been more than a few years.

And lastly... What's your best friend's favorite color?

Red, definitely. And black to wear.

What colors do you like?

Except my favourite ones, I like red and purple, too. And blue.

What colors do you dislike?

Brown, and I’m not a big fan of yellow and orange.

What color is the shirt you are wearing?

I’m wearing a hoodie, as usual.

What colors look good on you?

I couldn’t care less.

What colors don't you look good in?

I couldn’t care less either.

What color was your senior prom dress?

I know everything’s acceptable these days and I’m tolerant and accepting as well, but I cazn’t see myself wearing a dress as a guy.

[geminimercury444]

12/5/22

Anti LGBT hate groups in Moore County, NC shot at 3 different duke energy power grids and about 40k people lost power. All because there was a drag show in the area.

I was in the kitchen with my son cooking a late lunch around 3pm when we lost power and I heard sirens. I'm in Charlotte, NC. It was a grey and gloomy day, so all around, the vibes yesterday were strange.

No word on what happened, it was probably an accident, but there were crewmen across the street at the church I live by.

I was shaking, honestly. I was so scared that the proud boys were marching across NC or something.

I am absolutely sick of my conservative family members all across the board. Each and every single one of them. They make excuse after excuse. They saw January 6th and thought, "ANTIFA is behind this!!" They're actually insane.

I can't stand going to holidays and seeing any of them. I see their back the blue stickers on their cars and feel physically ill. And I'm really close to just going no contact with them all.

I don't want to hear about how this is end times. I don't need to hear about how you think abortion cheapens human life. I don't need to hear about how Biden is destroying this country.

Your brain is poisoned from lead, Jim Bob. Your mother smoked while she was pregnant with you. They put whisky on your gums when you were teething. Please. Give it up.

I can't help but be so angry. I can't be angry. I cannot let them steal any light from me. Literally and figuratively.