#sometimes i just feel. forgotten about. ive asked in the past to be Told Earlier than right before the time we're supposed to meet but that

[drabbleswithdragons]

feels selfish but I have 1 scheduled time with friends every week over skype and it hasnt happened in a significant amount of time while everyone is off Doing Things and Being People and i am stuck Here being a Not Person

[agentrouka-blog]

When Jon think about wanting winterfell and it's Lord he felt hunger which he later connect with ghost's hunger. Do you think that passage is implying something?

Hi anon!

I think the passage has many layers when it comes to symbolism and foreshadowing.

ASOS, Jon XII is a fun chapter. Jon’s been through a lot. His trip North of the wall left him traumatized and disillusioned in a way that’s hard to sum up. Anything he had hoped to be proud of in life was obliterated, he suffered serious injury, has been separated from ghost, learned that all his family are dead or missing, fought a viciously cruel battle, feels responsible for the death of his stockholm-syndromy abuser, was stripped of all respect and honor by his superiors, and he got to see a woman die in childbirth. Now Stannis and Mel are squatting at Castle Black, and the threat to the North keeps looming.

Life sucks. 

We’d been introduced to some options that were denied to him in life:

His lord father had once talked about raising new lords and settling them in the abandoned holdfasts as a shield against wildlings. The plan would have required the Watch to yield back a large part of the Gift, but his uncle Benjen believed the Lord Commander could be won around, so long as the new lordlings paid taxes to Castle Black rather than Winterfell. "It is a dream for spring, though," Lord Eddard had said. "Even the promise of land will not lure men north with a winter coming on."

If winter had come and gone more quickly and spring had followed in its turn, I might have been chosen to hold one of these towers in my father's name. Lord Eddard was dead, however, his brother Benjen lost; the shield they dreamt together would never be forged. (ASOS, Jon V)

or

“If the boy shows any skill with sword or lance, he should have a place with your father’s household guard at the least,” Jon said. “It’s not unknown for bastards to be trained as squires and raised to knighthood. But you’d best be sure Gilly can play this game convincingly. From what you’ve told me of Lord Randyll, I doubt he would take kindly to being deceived.” (ASOS, Samwell IV)

One fails because of the seasons, the other was prevented by Catelyn. The Watch has been a soul-destroying nightmare, Ygritte’s offer of taking over a Tower “after” is not even worth a moment’s consideration to him. Every hope he ever had about his life has been disappointed. 

Jon’s just about sixteen and is completely done. Sam notes how much time Jon spends in the training yard, even though he’s injured and off-duty for the title of turncloak. He does not bother voting in the Lord Commander election. A maligned outcast again. Forever. 

The warg, I’ve heard them call me. How can I be a warg without a wolf, I ask you?” His mouth twisted. “I don’t even dream of Ghost anymore. All my dreams are of the crypts, of the stone kings on their thrones. Sometimes I hear Robb’s voice, and my father’s, as if they were at a feast. But there’s a wall between us, and I know that no place has been set for me.” (ASOS, Samwell IV

He is lonely. Even Ghost is gone, his one proof that he belongs to something.

Stannis alienates Jon by talking ill of Robb, but he offers Jon recognition for the things he did right, a rare thing, and then he offers him legitimization. Basically, “You proved your worth and you have the Right blood. All you ever wanted can be yours. For the small price of breaking your oaths for real and of your own volition and forsaking your gods.” Downright mephistophelian.

Jon is torn, can’t sleep, fights. For the first time he has a real choice. He remembers the traumatic incident where his bastardy became a true concept to him.

That morning he called it first. “I’m Lord of Winterfell!” he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, “You can’t be Lord of Winterfell, you’re bastard-born. My lady mother says you can’t ever be the Lord of Winterfell.”

I thought I had forgotten that. Jon could taste blood in his mouth, from the blow he’d taken. (ASOS, Jon XII)

And Jon’s response is a near black-out rage against his sparring partner. All his suppressed feelings of grief and anger and longing and loneliness are just broiling inside him.

Why am I so angry? he asked himself, but it was a stupid question. Lord of Winterfell. I could be the Lord of Winterfell. My father’s heir.

Jon soaks in the hot tub and thinks of Winterfell, mulls restoring it versus not belonging and destroying its soul in the process

When Jon closed his eyes he saw the heart tree, with its pale limbs, red leaves, and solemn face. The weirwood was the heart of Winterfell, Lord Eddard always said … but to save the castle Jon would have to tear that heart up by its ancient roots, and feed it to the red woman’s hungry fire god. I have no right, he thought. Winterfell belongs to the old gods

The tree is almost described like a person. A person with Tully coloring, like all his siblings save Arya. Like Sansa. The hot springs in Winterfell have a potential link to his decision to join the Watch, or at the very least to his siblings in general. The castle of Winterfell is juxtaposed with the heart, with the purpose and point of it all. Save a structure by destroying what made it a meaningful place? Betray his family in his heart, the person whose castle is truly is, betray all his values and his gods?

He takes a walk past sites of all his recent experiences and North the Wall over the recent battle field and just sits to think. 

Ygritte wanted me to be a wildling. Stannis wants me to be the Lord of Winterfell. But what do I want? The sun crept down the sky to dip behind the Wall where it curved through the western hills. Jon watched as that towering expanse of ice took on the reds and pinks of sunset. 

There’s an essay I could write about walls, Tyrion, Jon and Sansa (the sun to Arya’s moon) and how they all interact in the books, but let’s say just like this word play, the fact that Jon answers his own question is not an accident:

"Close your beak, crow. Spin yourself around, might be you'd find who you're looking for."

Jon turned.

The singer rose to his feet. (ASOS, Jon I)

The singer rose. Lyanna, his mother, the riddle. But also Sansa, who unwittingly took up her mantle. One unlocks his path to the other and everything that follows in his imagination:

I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. Val would want to keep her sister’s son, but we could foster him at Winterfell, and Gilly’s boy as well. Sam would never need to tell his lie. We’d find a place for Gilly too, and Sam could come visit her once a year or so. Mance’s son and Craster’s would grow up brothers, as I once did with Robb.

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. A hunger … he could feel it. It was food he needed, prey, a red deer that stank of fear or a great elk proud and defiant. He needed to kill and fill his belly with fresh meat and hot dark blood. His mouth began to water with the thought.

Jon paints a picture of recreating his own childhood with his wolf pack at Winterfell, only this time there are no outcasts, and he is the Father. He gets to be Ned. The Lord of Winterfell with a lady’s love. And a son, something he had, apparently, dreamed of until he stoppped. 

He has always wanted this thing that he has no right to and it filled him with a guilt strong enough to concern the gods. But he admits it to himself, lets himself truly feel it. The feeling flows through him the same way the rage did earlier. powerful and all encompassing. 

Like a dragonglass blade. There we have some lovely foreshadowing for a) potentiall the origin of the Others, b) Jon’s paternity, and c) his own death when his desire to abandon his vows and head to Winterfell is met with, you know, some blades. Not to mention d) his desire to have these things.

Each of these is answered by his primal hunger response. Which is of course, his connection to Ghost. The wolf he has so woefully said goodbye to, that he missed deeply and bitterly, chooses this moment to reappear. This moment where Jon returns to his own feelings, his true self.

a) the answer to the Others are the direwolves, the Starks, their magical connection to Winterfell and what happened way back when.

b) the answer to Jon’s paternity is a violent embrace of his mother’s side.

c) the answer to his own stabbing will be warging into Ghost and biding his time in there, becoming more wolf than he ever anticipated.

d) the answer to his heart’s desire...

It was a long moment before he understood what was happening. When he did, he bolted to his feet. “Ghost?” He turned toward the wood, and there he came, padding silently out of the green dusk, the breath coming warm and white from his open jaws. “Ghost!” he shouted, and the direwolf broke into a run. He was leaner than he had been, but bigger as well, and the only sound he made was the soft crunch of dead leaves beneath his paws. When he reached Jon he leapt, and they wrestled amidst brown grass and long shadows as the stars came out above them. “Gods, wolf, where have you been?” Jon said when Ghost stopped worrying at his forearm. “I thought you’d died on me, like Robb and Ygritte and all the rest. I’ve had no sense of you, not since I climbed the Wall, not even in dreams.” The direwolf had no answer, but he licked Jon’s face with a tongue like a wet rasp, and his eyes caught the last light and shone like two great red suns.

Red suns. Arya’s wolf has golden coins (haggling for death, faceless men coins, spinning fates), Grey Wind has molten gold (like a crown that kills you). 

Jon’s wolf has red suns. Like the colors that the sun painted on the Wall. The direwolf in heart tree colors, inverted bastard colors of house Stark, Tully colors, Sansa colors. 

Red eyes, Jon realized, but not like Melisandre’s. He had a weirwood’s eyes. Red eyes, red mouth, white fur. Blood and bone, like a heart tree. He belongs to the old gods, this one. And he alone of all the direwolves was white. Six pups they’d found in the late summer snows, him and Robb; five that were grey and black and brown, for the five Starks, and one white, as white as Snow.

He had his answer then.

Not the red gods, not fire. The old gods. the heart tree, the wolves. He may be a Snow, but the old gods gave him Ghost. His own wolf. His white wolf. His place was made by their will. 

There is honor in that choice. No matter what anyone else says, Jon knows who he is and he has that power: to reject betraying his heart. 

How does this choice led by Ghost fit the layers?

a) The answer to the Others: don’t steal, don’t trick. Be honest. Accept what was painful. Not the Wall matters, the answer is in the heart tree.

b) The Dragon father does not Need to guide his decisions. He can let that go. He is a Snow.

c) Being in Ghost will lead him back to himself. Not fire, not Melisandre. The old gods.

d) Well... What does Jon want? What IS his answer?

Jon is filled with sudden energy. He strides back, rejects Val in his mind, stalks dramatically into the dining hall and is suddenly voted Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. We close on this:

So Jon Snow took the wineskin from his hand and had a swallow. But only one. The Wall was his, the night was dark, and he had a king to face.

Jon’s answer? We never hear it in this chapter. 

We hear it in ADWD, Jon I:

"By right Winterfell should go to my sister Sansa." 

And ADWD, Jon IV:

Jon said, "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa." 

The chapter is followed by? Sansa. Rebuilding Winterfell out of snow. 

When Jon lets go of pretense, honestly asks himself what he wants, shame or not, his wolf takes over and helps him find the answer and the path. The answer is not in taking the Castle and creating a mimicry of what it was, it is in honoring what it truly was and truly means. The heart over the structure. 

And in giving supremacy to the heart, to the red-white heart, he unknowingly paves the way for his own place: Winterfell built of Snow. He doesn’t have to steal the castle, he will be invited to belong.

That’s my own humble interpretation, anyway.

[crowdedimagines]

Baby Dobrik - David Dobrik

word count: 1761 an// this gif has nothing to do with this story, david’s just cute af

“I need help.” I whisper into the phone, waiting for a response.

“What’s going on? Are you okay, (Y/n)?” Liza says without hesitation.

“I’m fine. Can you come over?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

“Can you do me one more thing?” I ask, trying to remain calm.

“Yeah, whatever you need.”

“A pregnancy test.”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I can hear the background noise of her getting in her car, “I love you, (Y/n). Don’t panic.”

“I love you too, Liza.”

I will always be thankful for the relationship that Liza and I have. Everyone assumed once I started dating David that we hate each other’s guts. That is far from the case. We were all friends before anyone dated. Liza is not in a place in her life right now where she can have a boyfriend.

David has moved past that. It took time but we ended up together. We’ve been friends forever, but one night we were drunk beyond belief and one thing led to another. We decided after that that we both wanted a relationship. Liza has been both our friends through all of it.

It doesn’t take long for Liza to show up at David’s house. It’s just me here, the house is quiet. Too quiet for my liking.

“(Y/n)?” Liza asks, walking through the front door that I had unlocked when I opened the garage gate.

“Hi.” I smile slightly but it’s more of a courtesy than of being thrilled.

“I got it.” She hands me a brown paper bag and joins me on the couch. “Are you sure?”

“No. That’s why I need this.” I shrug before shaking the bag to gesture to it. “My period is over two and a half weeks late. I’ve also been throwing up every morning this week. David thinks I am getting the flu. I didn’t put two and two together until right before I called you.”

It’s weird sometimes to see Liza so serious. She always adds humor to everything that she does, it’s something that I love about her. Even she doesn’t have a joke for this. The only other time I’ve seen her like this is when she opened up about her mental health.

“No matter what the results, you are going to be okay.” She places a reassuring hand on my knee.

“The last thing that David needs right now is a kid.” I place my face in my hands, “His career is doing so well. I don’t want to be the thing that ruins that.”

“You won’t be ruining it, and if David sees it that way he’s not the man that either of us thought he was. It’s not just his opinion that matters. How do you feel?”

I can feel my eyes slowly starting to water.

“I want to be a mom, but I didn’t want it this soon. It’s not what I expected for my life right now, but I can’t help but get excited with the thought.”

I ramble while she nods, understanding where I am coming from completely.

“Go in there and pee on that stick. I’ll be out here no matter what the results are.”

I hop off the couch and go into David and I’s shared bathroom. Three minutes pass and the timer on my phone makes me jump. The stick is face down on the counter. I take a few deep breaths before I can stomach flipping it over. Either way, I can find happiness. I know I can.

Positive.

I walk back into the living room. Liza notices and immediately sets her phone down.

“Am I going to be an Auntie?” She asks with a smile.

“You are.” I smile.

She jumps up and pulls me into a hug. She’s jumping up and down and pulls me with her.

“I know this isn’t when you wanted this to happen but it’ll be good! This baby is going to end up being a blessing, just you wait!”

“I know, I know!”

Liza stays for a while and I make lunch for us. We talk about the baby, and how the rest of the vlog squad is going to react. We also talk about how David is going to react.

“I just hope he is as excited as me. I was worried at first, being so young, but now I can’t wait to be a mom.” I smile.

“I’m home!” David yells, he kicks off his shoes at the front door. “Hey Liza, I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

He walks over and stands next to me at his table.

“Last minute thing.” Liza insists. “But I think I’m heading home now.”

She gets up from the table once he comes into the house.

“It was great spending today with you.” She places a hand on my arm.

“Thank you for coming over.”

I pull her in for a hug and walk her to the door.

“Good luck. Text me everything.” She whispers, “If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.”

“Thank you, Liza.”

She waves before walking out of the house. I walk over to find David in the living room now.

“Hey, how was your day?” I ask, sitting down next to him. I swing my legs onto his lap, and he sets his phone

“Good. I think I got some good content at Zane’s with Jason. We did this bit with the flamethrower.” He starts laughing to himself thinking about it.

“I’m sure that’ll be great.” I smile.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, picking up on me acting more quiet than usual.

“Yeah, I actually need to tell you something.” I sit up, tucking my legs underneath me.

“Am I going to like where this is heading?” He starts absentmindedly spinning one of the rings around his finger.

“I honestly don’t know. I hope so. I think it’s good.” I laugh nervously.

“Should I film a reaction? Is it good?” He gets a goofy grin on his face but I can tell that he’s still nervous.

“Yeah, I think it’s great. You might have a different reaction.”

He grabs his camera and starts recording. This could go either way. He’s either going to get great footage of him first finding out about our child or he’s going to get our downfall.

“Close your eyes.” I smile.

“Really?” He groans. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, because if you don’t you won’t believe me.”

He reluctantly closes his eyes. I quickly run to the bathroom to grab the pregnancy test. I come back to find him with his eyes still closed.

“Hold out your hands.”

“(Y/n)” He groans out my name before holding out two shaky hands.

I place the small plastic stick in his hands. The small plastic stick that holds our whole future.

He peeks his eyes open to see the test.

“You’re joking.” He laughs, not believing me.

“I’m not.” I can’t wipe the tight-lipped smile off of my face.

“Seriously?” I nod, “Deadass?”

I nod yet again. He doesn’t say anything for a second. Instead, he tackles me on the couch.

“Oh my god! We’re having a baby!” He yells.

I can’t help but laugh along with him. He’s still hugging me into the couch, the camera long forgotten.

“I love you.” He peppers kisses all along my face. “I can’t believe you didn’t know if I would think this was good!”

“I don’t know! I was unsure at first, we’re so young.” We pull away a bit so we can see each other’s faces but not so far that we aren’t touching.

“Yeah, but so were my parents. We’ll figure it out, I couldn’t be more happy to do this with you though.” He grins. It gives me butterflies seeing him get so excited about this. I feel bad for even doubting him in the first place.

“We’re having a baby.” I whisper.

“We’re having a baby.” He reaffirms.

I lean in and press my lips against his. We’re both smiling too much to really focus on the kiss. He scoots down on the couch and presses a kiss to my stomach.

“Hey, we’re still recording.” I laugh and point to the camera which had been forgotten.

“Welcome to the vlog squad Baby Dobrik.” I say with a laugh.

David rests his head on on my stomach just getting close. He’s whispering super quietly, I can’t even hear most of what he’s saying

“So, is this what it’s going to be like for the next nine months?” I ask, rolling my eyes.

“Yes, you two are bonding all the time. I’m taking all the time I can get,” He says with a smug grin.

I reach forward and grab his camera and turn it off.

“Looks like you’re going to have the best clickbait yet.”

“No.” He shakes his head, “At least not for a while, I want this to be between just us for as long as I can. Our baby.”

“Well, us and Liza.” I smile.

“Liza already knows?” He asks, shocked.

“Yes! She brought me the pregnancy test.” I point to the test to that is no just sitting on his table.

“Okay, next time please just come to me. I promise you have nothing to worry about. I love you so much.”

“Next time? Already planning on knocking me up again?” I joke.

“Maybe, we can’t just have one kid!” David says af it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“How many kids do you think were having?” I ask with a laugh. It’s fun talking about this with him. We’ve talked about the future together but never children.

“At least two.” He shrugs.

“Two I can handle. I already have my hands full with you, can’t have too many kids.” I poke him in the side.

“Hey!”

“Kidding kidding!”

“So I told my best friend, you can tell yours.” I say, “It’s only fair.”

“My best friend already knows.” He sits up.

“What?”

“Yeah, she’s the one carrying my child.” His face flushes for a second, slightly embarrassed.

“That was so cheesy, bub!” I coo over him.

“Alright, shut up.” He tries to push me away from my affections.

“Hey! You can’t tell a pregnant woman to shut up!”

“This is going to be a long nine months.” He groans back, repeating my earlier words back to me.

“I know, but at the end we get a baby.” I remind. He shakes his head again in disbelief and awe.

“Baby Dobrik.”

[dumbledearme]

chapter thirty—as tall as the sky

read Child of Land and Sea here

Act IV — To Stop The Tide

Part V — Just remember in the darkest hours within your heart is the power for making you a hero too.

The left tunnel was a dead end. After sprinting a hundred yard, they ran into an enormous boulder that completely blocked their path. Behind them, the sounds of dragging footsteps and heavy breathing echoed down the corridor.

"Tyson," Andy said urgently, "can you-"

"Yes!" He slammed his shoulder against the rock so hard the whole tunnel shook. The boulder gave away with a horrible grinding noise. Tyson pushed it into a small room and they dashed through behind it. They got on the other side of the boulder and pushed. Whatever was chasing them wailed in frustration as they heaved the rock back into place and sealed the corridor.

"We trapped it," Andy said relieved.

"Or trapped ourselves," Grover said.

Andy turned around. They were in a twenty-foot-square cement room, and the opposite wall was covered with metal bars. They'd tunneled straight into a cell.

What in Hades?" Anthony tugged on the bars. They didn't budge. Somewhere above them, deep sobbing echoed through the building. There was another sound, too – a raspy voice muttering something that Andy couldn't make out.

"What's that language?" she asked.

Tyson's eyes widened. "Can't be." Before Andy could ask him what couldn't be, Tyson grabbed two bars of the cell door and bent them wide enough for them to pass.

"I know this place," Anthony recalled. "It's Alcatraz."

"That island near San Francisco?" Andy asked.

He nodded. "My school took a field trip here. It's like a museum."

They got out of the cell, only to find themselves facing a horrible creature. It was sort of like a centaur, with a woman's body from the waist up. But instead of a horse's lower body, it had the body of a dragon. Her hair was made of snakes.

"It's her," Tyson whimpered.

The monster didn't see them though so they crouched in the shadows. She was talking to someone inside a cell on the second floor, where the sobbing was coming from. "What's she saying?" Andy muttered. "What is that language?"

"The tongue of the old time," Tyson shivered. "What Mother Earth spoke to Titans and... her other children. Before the gods."

"You understand it?" Andy asked. "Can you translate?"

Tyson nodded. "She says, 'You will work for the master or suffer.' The other one is refusing. She says, 'Then I shall enjoy your pain, Briares. If you thought your first imprisonment was unbearable, you have yet to feel true torment. Think on this until I return.'"

The dragon lady tromped toward the stairwell then disappeared around the corner.

"H-h-horrible," Grover said. "I've never smelled any monster that strong."

"Cyclopes' worst nightmares," Tyson murmured. "Kampê."

"Who?" Andy asked.

Tyson swallowed. "Every Cyclops knows about her. Stories about her scare us when we're babies. She was our jailer in the bad years."

Anthony nodded. "Yes. When the Titans ruled, they imprisoned Gaia and Ouranos' earlier children – the Cyclopes and the Hekatonkheires."

"The Heka-freaking-what?"

"The Hundred-Handed Ones," he said. "They called them that because... well, it's self-explanatory. They were elder brothers of the Cyclopes."

"Very powerful," Tyson said. "Wonderful! As tall as the sky. So strong they could break mountains."

"Cool," Andy said. "Unless you're a mountain."

"Kampê was the jailer," he said. "She worked for Kronos. She kept our brothers locked up in Tartarus, tortured them always, until Zeus came. He killed Kampê and freed Cyclopes and Hundred-Handed Ones to help fight against the Titans in the big war."

"And now Kampê is back," Andy grunted.

"Bad," Tyson summed up.

"But who's in that cell?"

"Briares!" Tyson perked up. "He is a Hundred-Handed One. They are as tall as the sky and-"

"Yeah, yeah. They break mountains." Andy got up. "Well, gentlemen, let's meet Briares, shall we?" The boys seemed unsure, but they followed Andy anyway. As they approached the cell, the weeping got louder. Then they saw him.

He was human-size and his skin was very pale, the color of milk. He wore a loincloth like a big diaper. His chest sprouted more arms than Andy could count, in rows, all around his body. Several of his hands wee covering his face as he sobbed.

"Either the sky isn't as tall as it used to be," Andy muttered, "or he's rather short."

Tyson fell to his knees. "Briares!" He called. The sobbing stopped. "Great Hundred-Handed One! Help us!"

Briares looked up. His face was long and sad. "Run while you can, Cyclops," Briares said miserably. "I cannot even help myself."

"You're a Hundred-Handed One!" Tyson insisted. "You can do anything!"

Briares wiped his nose with five or six hands. "I cannot," he moaned. "Kampê is back! The Titans will rise and throw us back into Tartarus."

"It will be okay," Tyson told him. "We will help you." Tyson grabbed the cell door and ripped it off its hinges. "Come on, Briares. Let's get out of here."

"I cannot," he said. "She will punish me."

"It's all right," Anthony promised. "You fought the Titans before, and you won, remember?"

"I remember the war," he whispered. "Lightning shook the world. We threw many rocks. The Titans and the monsters almost won. Now they are getting strong again. Kampê said so."

"Don't listen to that thing," Andy said. "Come one!" He didn't move. Andy was getting impatient. They didn't have time to lose. But she couldn't just leave him behind either... Tyson wouldn't let her hear the end of it... "Fine. One game of rock, paper, scissors. If I win, you come with us. If I lose, we'll leave you in jail."

Anthony looked at her like she was crazy.

"I always win," Briares said.

"Hey, we have that in common," Andy shrugged. She pounded her fist in her palm three times. Briares did the same with all one hundred hands. He came up with a whole avalanche of rocks, a classroom set of scissors, and enough paper to make a fleet of airplanes.

"I told you," he said sadly. "I always-" he stopped. "What is that you made?"

"A gun," she told him. "A gun beats anything."

"That's not fair."

"Life isn't fair, you big baby. Kampê's not going to be fair if we hang around. So get a move on!"

Briares sniffled. "Demigods are cheaters." But he slowly rose to his feet and followed them out of the cell. The headed down the stairs to where Kampê was snarling at them.

Immediately, they turned around and ran the other way. Behind them, they could hear her coming. They scrambled down the stairs, through a corridor, and past a guard's station – out into another block of prison cells.

"Left," Anthony commanded. They burst outside and found themselves in the prison yard. Tourist were milling around, taking pictures. They ran to the far end of the yard, as far from the cell blocks as possible. The monster came fast after them. They ran out of the gates of the prison; mortals screamed and ran, emergency sirens began to blare.

Tyson ripped a metal lamppost out of the ground. "I will distract Kampê. You run ahead."

"No way!" Andy said.

"You go," Tyson insisted. "She is poisonous. It will hurt Cyclopes, but not kill. You won't be so lucky."

"Tyson-"

"Go, sister. I will meet you inside."

Andy took a deep breath and did as he said. She and the others circled around and ran back to the Labyrinth entrance. She didn't look back, she couldn't. She pushed Briares, Grover and Anthony into the maze, and only then she had the courage to turn back looking for her brother. Tyson was coming her way, but so was Kampê. He wouldn't make it.

Desperate, Andy touched the wrist-watch Tyson had made for her a while back and it turned into a bronze shield. Andy threw it at the monster with all she was worth. It hit Kampê in the face and she faltered just long enough for Tyson to dive past Andy into the maze. Andy followed him and the stone door closed sealing them in.

They ran.

They settled in a corridor made of huge marble blocks. To Andy's surprise, Grover sat near Tyson and Briares. Anthony sat against the wall on the other side and Andy went to make him company.

"I have lost everything," Briares was whispering.

"What about your brothers?" Tyson asked. "The other two must still stand tall as mountains! We can take you to them."

"They are no more," Briares said sadly. "They faded."

"What does that mean?" Andy asked. "I thought monsters were immortal."

"Even immortality has limits," Grover said weakly. "Sometimes... sometimes monsters get forgotten and they lose their will to stay immortal."

"We need your help," Tyson told Briares.

"I cannot, Cyclops."

"But you are strong!"

"Not anymore."

Andy face the Hekatonkheires. "Hey! We need you. Tyson believes in you. He risked his life for you, if you haven't noticed."

Briares shook his head. "I cannot, demigod. I do not have a finger gun to win this game."

Andy wasn't sure why but she was suddenly very pissed off at that sad, pathetic creature before her. "Well, you know what? I don't either. I don't even know if we'll make it to see the fight. In fact, I don't know where I get the strength to wake up every single day. But... I do it. I do what I have to because I don't have the luxury to sit and cry in a corner. Even though, sometimes, that is all I want to do." Briares regarded her carefully. "I'm no longer surprised monsters fade. Maybe it's not about what the mortals believe. Maybe it's because you give up on yourself."

With brown eyes filled with tears, Briares got up. Andy thought maybe he was about to crush her, but he simply turned his back and walked away. They watched him until he was lost in the shadows. Tyson sobbed.

"It's okay," Grover hesitantly patted his shoulders.

"It is not okay, goat boy. He was my hero."

Andy's eyes stung. "Well, you are mine," she told him. "Maybe it's about time you start being yours too. I'm sorry about the shield, Tyson. You worked so hard on that."

Tyson glanced at her. "Don't worry, sister. You saved me. You wouldn't have had to do it if Briares had helped."

"He's afraid," Andy said. "He'll get over it."

Tyson nodded. "Are you afraid, Andy?"

She tried to swallow. "All the time," she admitted.

For the next few minutes, nobody spoke. Anthony was being strangely quiet, but his body heat made Andy feel better. At least they were together.

"I'm sorry, Andy," he said softly after a while. The other two were asleep. "This is hopeless."

"We'll get there."

"We have no idea where we're going or where we'll end up. How can you walk from New York to California in a day? I was kidding myself. All that planning and reading, I don't have a clue what I'm doing."

"Anthony." Andy turned to look at him. She didn't want to cry in that place, but she was starting to fall apart. Everyone was losing faith around her and Andy didn't know how to help them. She couldn't let them quit. They needed a anchor, that's what Quintus had said. Could Andy be theirs? "We never know what we're doing. But it works out great because we do it together. I'm glad you're scared. It means you get how important this is. I wouldn't trust you if you were sure of yourself in here. We just need to keep it together."

His face was serious, a mask she couldn't decipher. "You... How can you-" he stopped himself, but seemed to relax a little. "What did Hera mean when she said you knew the way through the maze?"

"I don't know. What was the last line of the prophecy?"

"It doesn't matter," he lied.

"What about the choice Janus mentioned? Hera said-"

"Don't," he warned. "I'm sorry. I just... need to think about it." He turned his back at her and fell asleep.

Andy faced the wall. It was clear Anthony was hiding something important. And in all her days as a demigod, Andy had never felt so alone.

The boy from the her dreams was older now. It was daytime; the sky above was blue. The old man looked sickly. He picked up a delicate curl of bronze and fitted it into place. "Done," he announced. "It is done."

He picked up his project – metal wings. There were two sets. The boy grinned. "Father, you're a genius!"

The old man smiled. "Tell me something I don't know, Icarus. Now, hurry. It will take at least an hour to attach them."

"You first," Icarus said. The old man protested, but Icarus insisted. "You made them, Father. You should get the honor of wearing them first." And he started attaching the leather harness to his father's chest.

"The wax compound should hold for several hours," Daedalus said nervously as his son worked. "But we must let it set first. And we would do well to avoid too high or too low. The sea would wet the wax seals-"

"-and the sun's heat would loosen them," the boy finished. "We've been through this a million times!"

"One cannot be too careful."

"I have complete faith in your inventions, Father! No one has ever been as smart as you."

Then it was the boy's turn. The old man had a hard time keeping the wings in position while he sealed them. "Too slow," he muttered. "I am too slow."

"Take your time, Father," the boy said. "The guards aren't due until-" Something heavy was slammed into the doors.

Daedalus worked furiously. "We must have more time! They are too early! We need more time for the seal to hold!"

"It'll be fine," Icarus said, as his father finished.

The doors splintered. Two armed guards entered the room, followed by the king. "Well, well," he said with a cruel smile. "Going somewhere?"

"We're leaving, Minos," the old man said.

The king chuckled. "I was curious to see how far you'd get on this little project before I dashed your hopes. I must say I'm impressed. You let my daughter escape, old man. You drove my wife to madness. You killed my monster and made me the laughingstock of the Mediterranean. You will never escape me."

Icarus pried open the manhole cover. The inventor and son shot into the sky, carried by the updraft. Daedalus and Icarus wheeled above the maze, then zoomed across the city of Knossos and out past the rocky shores of Crete.

Icarus laughed, "Free, Father! You did it!" The boy spread his wings to their full limit and soared away on the wind.

"Wait," Daedalus called. "Be careful!"

But Icarus was already out over the open sea. He plummeted toward the sea, pulling out of a nosedive at the last second. "Don't worry, Father! You're a genius! I trust your handiwork-" The first metal feather shook loose from his wings and fluttered away. Then another. Icarus wobbled in midair.

"Stand as still as possible!" Daedalus commanded. But Icarus flapped his arms trying to reassert control. The left wing went first – ripping away from the straps.

"Father!" Icarus cried. And then he fell, the wings stripped away until he was just a boy with arms extended in a useless attempt to glide.

Andy woke with a start. The corridor was dark. There was no morning in the maze. They had a fabulous breakfast of granola bars and juice boxes and kept traveling. The old stone tunnels changed into dirt with cedar beams. Anthony got agitated. "This isn't right," he said.

They came to a cave with a rectangular pit in the middle. There were cans of Coke all around. "Nico," Andy said. "He was summoning the dead again."

Tyson whimpered. "Ghosts were here. I don't like ghosts."

"We've got to find him." Andy ran forward. Anthony called her back. She ducked into a tunnel and saw light up ahead. By the time the others caught up with her, she was staring at daylight streaming through a set of bars above her head. They were under a steel grate made out of metal pipes. "Where are we?"

Then a shadow fell across the grate and a red cow stared down at them. "It's a cattle guard," Grover said.

"A what?"

"They put them at the gates of ranches so cows can't get out. They can't walk on them."

"Didn't Hera say something about a ranch?" Anthony asked.

Tyson then hit the cattle guard with both hands. It popped off and went flying out of sight. Then he gave them a boost out of the tunnel.

"Red cattle," Anthony said. "The cattle of the sun."

"What?" Andy asked.

"They're sacred to Apollo."

"Holy cows?" she laughed.

"Exactly. But what are they doing-"

A dog with two heads appeared, snarling. Grover raised a hand in greeting. The dog bared its teeth. Then its master lumbered out of the woods. He was a huge guy with stark white hair and braided white beard. "Heel, Orthus," he told the dog. "What have we got here? Cattle rustlers?"

"Travelers," Anthony said. "We're on a quest."

The man's eye twitched. "Half-bloods?"

"I'm Anthony, son of Athena. This is Andy, daughter of Poseidon. Grover the satyr. Tyson the-"

"Cyclops," the man finished. "Yeah, I ain't blind, son of Athena. I am Eurytion, son of Ares, the cowherd for this here ranch. You came through the Labyrinth like the other one, I reckon."

Andy's heart raced. "You mean Nico di Angelo?"

"We get a load of visitors from the Labyrinth," he said darkly. "Not many ever leave." Then he lowered his voice. "I'm going to say this only once, demigods. Get back in the maze now, before it's too late."

"No," Anthony insisted. "Not until we see this other demigod. Please."

Eurytion grunted. "Then you leave me no choice. I've got to take you to see the boss."

[forever-rogue]

Words and Paper - Part V

Summary: Y/N is a brilliant young lawyer who was hired by Tony Stark himself. She didn’t expect half of the things that would happened, but she was sure glad Bucky happened.

A/N: thank you all for your continued support! If you’d like to be tagged, let me know! If you have any requests, feel free to send them in!

Word Count: 2.6k

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: None

MASTERLIST

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART VI | PART VII | PART VIII | PART IX | PART X | PART XI | PART XII | PART XIII

Y/N had the spent the remainder of her first day organizing her office and making it cozy and homey, just like her old one. Every once in awhile there was a knock on her door, presenting another attorney giving her a welcome. For the most part, everyone seemed kind enough and would probably not make any problems for her, but she could tell some of the more senior associates might not like her as much.

She plopped down in her chair and put her feet up on her desk, and let out a large sigh. She wondered what Tony had in store for her tomorrow. It would only be her second day, but she was eager to start on a new project and start making a name for herself. She closed her eyes for a moments, but was pulled out of her thoughts by the buzzing of her phone. She looked at it and saw that it was Bucky calling her. She smiled to herself as she eagerly grabbed it.

“Hey Princess,” his warm voice brought a smile to her face. Even though he wasn’t there with her, she felt the familiar warm blush creep up in her cheeks, “how’s your first day?”

“Oh Bucky, what a day it has been,” she laughed a little bit, “the people here are..interesting.”

“Are they treating you okay?” His voice immediately got a note of defense in it.

“Yeah...well I think they will be anyway. The first lady I met, Mary, ruffled me a little bit, but I stood my ground, so I think we’re okay,”

“Oh?”

“I think she had a problem with my age and I don’t know what else. But I told them all that if it was a problem they could take it up with me, and no one’s said anything else,” she shrugged her shoulders lightly even though he wasn’t there to see.

“Atta girl. Don’t let me undermine you,” he agreed, “and if you need anything, let me know.”

“Should I let them know if they have a problem with me that I’ll call in Sergeant Barnes to teach them a lesson?” She tried to picture him storming into the building and giving everyone the business.

“I think that could work,” he said with a chuckle, “do you want to get dinner when you’re off? Unless you’ve made other plans?”

“I’d love to, Buckaroo. I’ll meet where we parted at 5?”

“Sounds great, I’ll see you then,”

“Bye Buck,” she said softly and hung up the call. She looked down at her watch and saw that she still had another hour to kill. She sighed and wondered how to pass the time. An idea popped up in her head, and she gathered her things. She left her office and started walking down the hall to where she believed Mary’s office was and knocked softly.

After a few seconds, she heard footsteps and a second later the door opened. It wasn’t Mary, but rather, it was a young man who looked to be a few years older than her.

“Hello there,” he gave her a brilliant smile with dazzlingly white teeth. He had dark, slicked back hair and a perfectly pressed dark blue suit and bright green eyes. He looked every part the lawyer.

“Oh, hi! I’m sorry, I thought this was Mary’s office, I didn’t meant to interrupt,” Y/N stammered a bit. She nervously pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Don’t worry, you weren’t interrupting, I was actually just finishing up what I was doing,” he opened the door wider so she could see inside, “please come in, you must be Y/N?”

“Yes, that’s me,” she shuffled past him and took a look around. His office was spacious like hers, but had a sleek modern look to it, with dark furniture. It felt unattached and dark, almost too business like.

“I”m Zachary Walsh,” he extended his hand out to her. She grasped it and gave it a firm shake, “I work with financials. Nothing too exciting.”

“I’m sure it must be plenty exciting to you if you decided to devote your career to it,” she gave him a small smirk, one eyebrow cocked.

“I suppose you’re right,” he agreed as he strode over to his desk and starting putting things away, “probably not as exciting as what you do though. Civil rights, correct?”

“I wouldn’t necessarily call what I do exciting, it’s just trying to get and equality for people, but yes, I do it enjoy it. It was nice to meet you, Zachary.”

“Zach, please, I’m not old enough to be Zachary yet,” he paused for a moment, “would you like to get a drink?”

“What? I-I kind of have plans already,” she was taken aback by his sudden offer.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be forward. A bunch of us usually go out for a drink on Mondays, you know, usher in the new week. You’re welcome to join us whenever, if you’d like.”

“Oh, thank you, that’s very kind of you,” she breathed a sigh of relief. She headed towards the door and gave him a small wave, “have a good evening Zach.”

“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask,” he flashed another smile. She nodded and closed the door behind her. At least not everyone was out to get her.

Y/N decided she had had enough for her first day, and decided to leave a little early. She made her way out of the building walking slowly to where she had left Bucky earlier.  On her walk she passed some bushes which had a few flowers left from summer, and when she made sure no one was looking, picked one off.

Y/N was sitting on a bench, waiting for Bucky, lazily scrolling through her phone. She had received lots of texts from the rest of the Avengers telling her to have a good day, as well as some from her friends back home. She heard a throat clear and looked up to see Bucky staring at her.

She jumped up and wrapped her arms around him, “Bucky!”

“Y/N!” He kissed her cheek lightly.

“I have something for you,” she reach into the top of her bag and pulled out the flower she had picked earlier. He gently took it from  her, a huge goofy smile on his face.

“You’re the best,”

“Yeah, I think so too,” she agreed and nodded.

“And so humble,” he picked up her bag, slung it over his shoulder and put his arm around her, “where would you like to go for dinner?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. How about Italian? Some pasta sounds great,”

“I know just the place, it’s got the best pasta,”

“Lead the way, Sarge,”

Bucky hadn’t been lying when he said the restaurant they were going to had the best pasta. Y/N had opted for some pasta with pesto and had to stop herself from stuffing her mouth.

“Slow down there, partner,” Bucky laughed at her as he had barely made a dent in his lasagna, “don’t want to eat it too fast and get an upset stomach.”

“I’m starving and you were not joking, this place is amazing,” she sheepishly put down her fork for a second.

“Yeah, it was good in the 40s too, I don’t think they’ve changed the recipes, just the building,” Y/N’s eyes widened for a second. She sometimes forgot he was that much older.

“Oh my old man, at least you know how to pick places. That’ll definitely be your responsibility,” she stuck her tongue out at him before grabbing another forkful.

“I can definitely do that,” he agreed. He was about to say something else when he was interrupted by loud laughter and cheering coming from the bar area across the restaurant.  They both grimaced in annoyance as they looked over to see what the commotion was.

Across the bar, a group of 15 or so young men were crowded around taking shots. Just the type of people Y/N liked to stay away from. She stared for a few for seconds before she realized she knew who these people were. Of course; it was the group of attorneys from her office. Apparently this was were they like to go, she was happy she hadn’t agreed.

“Hey Buck, those guys work in the office,” she motioned lightly towards them, “one of them invited me to go out with them.”

“Them? I guess they aren’t concerned with anyone seeing them act like idiots,” he cast a wary eye in their direction, “if they ever give you any trouble, let me know.”

“Trust me, I will,” she nodded and took a sip of her wine, “I think I got it handled for the moment anyway.”

The group finally quieted down and they continued telling each other about their respective days. While Bucky was talking, Y/N couldn’t help but feeling like somebody was watching her. She slowly lifted her gaze and meet Zachary’s eyes. He narrowed his eyes a little bit as he watched her, and studied who she was with. It didn’t take long before he realized she was with Bucky once he saw his metal hand reach for his glass. Y/N didn’t say anything to Bucky, but hoped this would all blow over.

“Y/N?”

“Huh?” She focused her attention back on Bucky as she realized she had completely zoned out.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just was more tired than I realized, I guess,” she looked back at him, “I’m sorry. Please, continue.”

“Yeah, sure,” he gave her a slightly suspicious look as he launched back into his story.

The next morning, Y/N was eager to get to work. She was ready to take on her new assignment from Tony. She pulled on her clothes quickly and tied up her long hair, giving Pickles a few cuddles before running out the door. She was heading towards the stairwell when she bumped into someone. She looked up and saw that it was Bucky; she had completely forgotten to check her phone or text him.

“Sorry, Buck!” She looked and saw that he had brought her breakfast again, “Oh, you shouldn’t have! You’re the best.”

“I called, but you didn’t answer so I figured you were busy and I wanted to make sure you had breakfast,”

“I was running a little late, but I’m meeting with Tony, so I wanted to make sure I was early. I spaced out. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, yeah it’s fine,” he said quietly as she grabbed one of the coffees from the tray in his hand.

“Thanks! I’ll call you as soon as I get a chance, okay? I just really want to make a good impression,” she said somewhat apologetically she started down the stairs, “you have the key, make yourself at home! Pickles will be happy to see you.”

Bucky listened to her retreating voice for a moment before letting himself into her apartment. He walked in and put down his coffee and the food on the kitchen island. Pickles came running from Y/N’s bedroom and meowed at him softly.

“I guess it’s just you and me for breakfast,” he sighed and gave her a few scratches behind her ear.

Y/N practically ran into the tower as she wanted to make sure she was perfectly on time today. She walked up the receptionist she had met yesterday, “Good morning! What floor is Mr. Stark’s office on?”

“Good morning, Dr. Y/L/N! He’s expecting you, so I’ll let him know you’re here, but his office is on the top floor,”

“Of course it is. Thanks so much-” she paused for a second and realized she hadn’t ever asked for her name, “I’m sorry, I never asked what your name was.”

“I’m Aya,” she smiled at her, happy someone actually asked her instead of just treating her like a building ornament.

“It’s wonderful to meet you properly, Aya. I’d love to talk some more sometime,” Y/N smiled and gave her a wave as she started heading towards the elevator. Aya returned the gesture and quickly dialed Tony’s number to let him know she had arrived.

After waiting inside the elevator for what seemed to be a small eternity, she finally heard the familiar ding. She looked at the red number displayed on the top and saw a big 100 displayed. Of course this building was that huge.

She got out and clutched her bag tightly as she head down the hall to where she saw his office door. When she reached it, she rapped her knuckles against the frosted glass.

“Come in,” he called and she opened the door. He looked up from what he was tinkering with and smiled when he saw it was Y/N, “aww, just the young lady I wanted to see.”

“Tony, just the boss I was expecting to see,” she joked back and sat down in one of the big squishy chairs he had facing his desk.

“Clever girl,” he gave her an amused smile, “are you ready for your first assignment?”

“Absolutely,”

“Excellent. Now, first tell me, is your passport in order?” He triangled his fingers together under his chin.

“Yes? Why?” Y/N leaned forward; he had her full attention now.

“I need you to go to Russia. There’s an issue with some of our citizens being detained over there for some  ‘atrocities’ they had committed. However, it was not our citizens that did anything; they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we need show them this. Then we need take some actions against Russia,” he explained it simply and pulled out a file out of his desk drawer and slid it over to her.

“How exactly does this come under Stark Industries’ jurisdiction?” Her head was spinning with all the information he had given her.

“We work closely with the government these days, dear Y/N. When they ask for help, we provide it when possible. I think you’re the best one for this job...that is unless you don’t feel up to it.”

“No! I can do this, absolutely. Just me some time to look over this file and get prepared,”

“You’ll have plenty of time on the flight. I recommend you go and get packed quickly. Your flight leaves at 3 this afternoon. Be back here by then,” he returned his attention to the small object he had been working when Y/N had walked in.

“Oh, okay - what?!” She stood up in disbelief, “this afternoon?!”

“Yes. Time is of the essence. Like I said if you don’t feel up to this-”

“No, I can handle it. I just didn’t expect it to be so sudden,”

“This is what you signed up for, Y/N,” he gave her a small nod as she picked up the file and headed for the door. She bit her lip and closed the door behind her. Once she was out of earshot she let out a small yell of frustration.

She wasn’t exactly sure this what she had signed up for.

Taglist: @sebstanwassup @ladyabby-1996 @bookaddic @jems8241 @ruinerofcheese

[yumikoflare]

oMG DUDE AS UR SENAPI I NEED TO KNOW 1-6 12-16 20-23!!!!!!!!! bby i'm so proud :,)

STARTS SWEATING H-HI (⁄ ⁄^⁄ᗨ⁄^⁄ ⁄) YEah i may or may not have a crush www i was gonna tell u but i saw u were popping up in my notes so i was like hey maybe she’ll see the ask meme and i can gush asldakdsa ANYWAY

1) Describe them in 3 wordsWHAT HOW DO I UHHHHH...... probably ‘humble, thoughtful, trustworthy’ :o

2) Their favourite style of clothinghmmm he doesn’t rly have a ‘style’? just super casual stuff like me tbh, just short-sleeved t-shirts and pants or shorts is mostly what he wears LOL

3) What mannerisms do they have?UHHH he hides his face a lot..... he laughs when hes embarrassed - OH he hums a lot and sings under his breath and sometimes he dances a bit when theres music on like..... asldksalsakdaskfddsj

4) Do they play an instrument?yeah !!! he plays piano really well and actually writes songs! he’s so talented jsdhfsjdn 

5) How did you meet/become introduced to them?school  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we’ve been growing up beside each other for the past few years and never really got close til recently so it’s aaaaa - UM ive been lowkey avoiding saying his name but this explanation is gonna make it rly obvious LOL basically when my core friend group was formed, he was the person i was the least close with but we all had the same humor pretty much so we all bonded really fast and stuff so i guess things just took off from there

6) Favourite thing they’ve ever said/texted/messaged?FHDSJFSDHFISDHFESIH DONT DO THIS TO ME !!! i dunnoooo...... he says a lot of sweet things...... something that comes to mind is when i won the title of salutatorian he texted me a ton of stuff abt how he was super proud of me and how he was happy for me and whatever and i mdskfejh

12) Have they dreamed about you? (if you know)idk LOL probably not  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i haven’t dreamed abt him in particular bc my dreams aren’t rly like that

13) Can they dance?HELL YEAH I’M SO HAPPY YOU SENT THIS ONE OKAY OKAY OKAY LET ME GUSH OKAY SO he was.... the first person ive ever slow danced with and Listen Here. when i say he can dance i mean he’s a professional dancer and he’s really good and like the feeling of being held by a freaking professional when you’re a clumsy person who looks ridiculous just stepping side to side is like nothing else.... it’s like overwhelmingly embarrassing but also just having someone so amazing to guide you is like sdfkdsfselfkeso i cri everytime...... i’m so bad at slow dancing i didn’t even spin the right way the first few times but he still smiled and told me that i was doing so well like i’m....... deceased

14) What does hugging them feel like?this question actually made me smile just now i had to cover my mouth bc just the thought of hugging him makes me so happy im (∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕) idk dude it’s just....... my chest feels so light and i feel so happy??? that’s the best i can explain it aa aaaaaa a ahh

15) Your favourite thing about them?IFGHFDIDGNJD DONT DO THIS TO ME EITHER how the heck you expect me to pick 1 singular favorite thing...... alright i do gotta say though like.. i mentioned earlier he’s thoughtful so to elaborate on that, he *remembers* the little things i say; he pays such close attention to the things i say, he brings things up in conversation that i was sure he’d have forgotten bc who listens to me when i ramble??? certainly not anyone??? including me?? LOL but he does like.... dude....... wow......

16) Their favourite thing about you?heck if i know ???? i’d have to ask but i cant rn he’s sleeping ahaha - i dunno but he’s described me as ‘smart, funny, and beautiful’ so idk im fsitjeuwaerewoi

20) Could they imagine growing old together with you?idk !!! i’m sure we both can ideally but we’re still so young the chances of that are very low ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ i think it’d be amazing if we were still at least friends by the time we were much older aha that’d be really nice

21) What would an ideal date with them be?MFSDKFHGJ uhH idk ...... probably walking around somewhere scenic? we’d get lunch or something and then gets drinks, walk around and talk, take pictures of each other and with each other, just sit together in the silence, head home before it got dark and play overwatch w/ each other and yell when we’d lose even if it was 3am (does this count as a date anymore do people go on dates at night LOL) and then i could spend the night at his house and we would lazily argue who would say ‘goodnight’ last

22) Are they competitive?heh i’d say he is!! he doesn’t really express it but when we’re gaming he gets super into it sometimes and he focuses a lot it’s actually really cute fskdmgk he’s competitive outside of just gaming too but that’s the main thing

23) What do you do together?mostly gaming LOL we play overwatch with each other a lot and we talk pretty often, kinda just abt life in general?? sometimes we’d talk about writing too... but yeah we’re both pretty awkward so we often talk about trivial things until we both find a topic we can talk a lot about

THANK YOU SM FOR SENDING THIS MARI YOU GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO GUSH ABT HIM ;;;;; i love him so much i wish i saw him more often aaaaahhh again thanks i hope these answers are at least a little interesting to read www ヾ(〃ω〃ヾ))

[embracingmybraces]

Saturday: Behold, a photo of me awkwardly smiling with my new temporary upper essix retainer and trying to test if I was in the frame.

Post-Bone Graft Update: Detailed Version

This is sort of a two week update while my video exports, but technically tomorrow is the official day. I have a love/hate relationship with uploading videos... I can’t believe a 10 minute video takes 5hrs to encode. I can’t guarantee it’ll be uploaded anytime soon and this was filmed on Saturday, but while I sort that out, this will be about my experience with the surgery, healing, lessons I’ve learned (tips/self-esteem), and updates from my prosthodontist and orthodontist.

This will also sum up my vlog from last week.

For those of you who are new, I have a missing front tooth and I got bone taken from my chin (in between my teeth and lips) to be placed in the gap on my upper arch. This video explains it all.

PHOTOS will be added later on.

SURGERY PREPARATIONS

My surgery was at 8am on Tuesday, May 9th.

The day before, I picked up my medication which included 7 pills: antibiotics, several pain killers, and decadron (for swelling?) which I took 2 hours before my surgery. I was advised not to eat or drink anything 8 hours prior to, so I used as very little water to wash down the pills. God, they almost got stuck in my throat.

I took public transit by myself to my prosthodontist’s office, which was an hour away. I remembered feeling a bit out of it on my way there, which I’d blame on the medication but it helped with being less nervous (jokes, I was still very nervous).

I was advised to wear a short sleeved T-shirt going in and no face makeup. They then outfitted me with this scrub to protect my clothing and I had to wear a hair net. I was also given mouthwash beforehand.

SEDATION – I had a separate doctor, who specialized in sedation, come in. He asked to what degree did I want to be “sedated”. Ultimately, sedation affects your memory, but I did not want to be awake at all, so I asked him to put me right out haha.

The insertion of the IV was definitely the most unpleasant for me.

I’ve never had blood work done, but I’ve had flu shots and lots of local anaesthesia done, so I didn’t think it’d be an issue. However, I was pretty nervous and I just reminded myself to take deep breaths while I felt the needle go into my vein. The pinch wasn’t bad but the thought and feeling of the needle’s presence and having it taped was what bothered me the most and I might have shed a fear tear drops...

The medication then got screwed into my IV and I just remembered feeling calmer as time passed and before long, the needle didn’t feel like anything and I eventually dosed off (I don’t even remember when I did).

SURGERY – I wasn’t awake for any of it. No recollection. I just remembered waking up and noticing everyone was cleaning up around me and that I had the IV removed beforehand was band-aided up on my hand and the inner bend of my arm. No pain either. I just knew my lips were numb because I couldn’t close it properly and I was given gauze for my upper and bottom lips.

Getting up, I was a bit disoriented and needed assistance but only momentarily.

Afterwards, I was given an envelope of medication (same kinds that I took before the surgery) and my parents drove us home.

FIRST 24 HRS – The sedation didn’t really affect me all day like I was told. I did ice my chin immediately and it took a while before my upper lip felt “normal” (e.g., when the numbness wears off and your lip no longer closes funny).

It did take me 2 hours to eat my food because I couldn’t open my mouth wide and the rest of my face just felt very swollen. I stopped bleeding shortly after and didn’t need to use gauze for the rest of the healing.

Sleeping on an elevated pillow helped but my face did feel very “heavy” whenever I would bend down.

Lots of salt water rinses as I couldn’t brush my teeth.

HEALING – Generally, I didn’t have much facial mobility for the whole week+ I couldn’t open my mouth wide or smile and laugh as it pulled on the sutures. I described it as my face being very “stiff”. No drinking from straws or exercising, at all.

My bottom lip was numb and tingly until maybe 1.5 weeks in. Smiling naturally occurs around the same time frame. I still can’t frown or pout though - I blame that on the sutures. But, I can do double chins for Snapchat 8)

My bottom teeth has no feeling currently and this will last a maximum of 6 months before the feeling returns.

Currently, I still find it a bit straining to naturally close my lips. Perhaps after the stitches are taken out it may get better. A few pieces of the stitches did come out this week.

Expect to book off 1 week from any activities or work, unless you don’t mind going out with a swollen face. I could work on my computer, edit videos, make food, walk in the mall and take public transit later in the week. 

 SWELLING – It was definitely got worse on the 4-5th day, but after that it gradually went down.

MEDICATION – I have to take antibiotics until they are finished. I did not take the extra strength pain killer, but I did continue to take pain killers consecutively after each meal for the next three days and on and off throughout the week for good measure/peace of mind.

BRUISING – I believe my face showed visible bruises on both sides near my lips on the 5th day and gradually got more prominent before it went away I’d say, close to 4 days later.

Where I had my IV also bruised. The one on my hand hurt when pressed, but my face and inner arm was fine.

PAIN – Not really “painful” or excruciating per say, but it felt like I had a canker sore on my bottom lip if I didn’t take my painkillers and it was just uncomfortable... Much like how it feels when you get your braces tightened and your teeth are “sore”.

On and off I may feel light headed if I exert too much energy, so I kept myself hydrated and lounged around to resolve that. In the vlog, cooking was probably the most labour intensive thing I did.

RETAINER – Yeah, I didn’t wear it the whole week :S I’m not sure what could’ve been done differently. Yes, the fake tooth on my retainer was altered to not touch the gums but I had forgotten to check until later in the week. For some reason I didn’t think they did anything to it? 

The post-surgery care sheet said not to wear any prosthetics as it may affect the healing. That being said, my orthodontist also said it might not have been good to wear it as my gums would be quite swollen and that I should’ve made an appointment earlier a few days after the surgery to get a new temporary fitted.

My teeth did close in a bit into my gap, so my hawley retainer is tight but I didn’t want to force it in while the stitches were still tender.

I got a new temporary essix retainer on Thursday, May 18th with resin added as the “fake tooth” which isn’t the best craftsmanship... The colour does not match at all and it sticks out slightly so I look like I have a buck tooth.

It holds my teeth for now, so I can’t complain too much. It did cost $50. More add ons to my bill :( BUT now I have two matching pairs, two essix (upper and lower), and the same for hawley. At least now, from far it doesn’t look like I still have braces on as it’s just a clear tray.

ALSO, IF ANYONE HAD A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE WITH THEIR RETAINER, PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU DID. I feel like we could all learn from this.

DIET – LOTS OF FRUIT/SMOOTHIES/VEGETABLES/SOFT PROTEIN. 

Kale and Lentil Curry Soup. Congee. Scrambled eggs. I had Pork Bone soup and Korean side dishes, the spiciness was not a problem. Baked fish, sweet potato, cereal... sautéed greens, soggy bread.

Tbh I ate more solids later in the week as I could still chew with my back teeth. Anything in small pieces. After the first week, you can even attempt lightly toasted bread but just be careful and allow yourself the extra time to chew.

TIPS

IF YOU HAVE A RETAINER, MAKE SURE YOU GET THAT SITUATION SORTED OUT FIRST.

Drink lots of water!

Grocery shop before! Look up recipes for soft foods, soups, etc. have fruit to puree so you can still have nutritious food while you are healing. No ice cream or much junk food for me (other than cereal)

A blender in any form is your best friend :) or be patient and cut into smaller pieces. Of course, this depends on where your surgery site is.

Mason jars or tupperware to portion your food also helps

Have movies to watch, low energy activities to do, or friends who you won’t mind to see your swollen face. It helps the time pass.

Boil an egg with the shell on, wrap it in a cloth, and rub it on your bruise to help it heal faster

MOST IMPORTANT LESSON LEARNED –

COMMUNICATE! COORDINATE! With those who are in charge of your braces/surgery. Write down concerns you have as you will forget something important and ASK AWAY. Or write down instructions too! I won’t blame anyone for the retainer situation, as we are all human and sometimes little details get forgotten, but sometimes these are also crucial and it might be best to take matters into your own hands. If your orthodontist or prosthodontist does not coordinate with each other, you should remind them to or initiate it (which I didn’t). The more clarity you have, the less miscommunication or misunderstandings there are and it will cost you less if you don’t have to fix things. I am glad that my prosthodontist’s office called to check on me for the first few days, as I was also able to ask them questions right then.

SELF-ESTEEM – I had my retainer in probably 90% of the time these past 4 months since I’ve had my braces off. I loved how ‘normal’ I looked with a full set of teeth, and I would only take out my retainer when I am eating, but sometimes I felt reluctant to do so with friends who I am not close with or in front of strangers. By myself in a restaurant, I didn’t care so much. Oddly enough, I still feel self conscious, despite having a gap for 3 years... but back then I had all this hardware to hide behind. Note: I will do a video/post on this topic soon! But this week+, living without my retainer made me get used to how I look au natural. I also couldn’t wear makeup, so that helped too! In fact, going outside without my retainer, I probably look like I got into a bad fist fight with my bruises and lost a tooth in the process hahah. But whatever, I embraced it. My friends embraced it.  In short, people may look confused, but it wasn’t a big deal. I had to explain to my co-workers what was happening but afterwards they were very understanding. 

Thank you so much for making it here - please continue to send me your questions and comments :) I love reading them.

Until next time!

Thursday, May 25th - PROSTHODONTIST FOLLOW UP (for real this time)

Saturday, June 3rd - ORTHODONTIST RETAINER CHECK UP