#somewhere in oakland

[iyahbthecreative]

Exhale .... Somewhere in Oakland

[razorsadness]

Oakland in Rain

Years before ever seeing California, I wrote a story titled “Oakland in Rain.”  Rain served as an easy metaphor for the unexpected in a place 

known for abundance, and it provided a texture of melancholy.  The nameless protagonist—an exiled drunk who was, 

of course, a thinly veiled version of myself—  had lost her mind and believed the weather communicated with her: 

rain meant soberness, that she had been absolved of some sort of punishment.  Plagued by her wild inner life, I imagined her wandering the city, 

intent on getting lost in the Catholic cemeteries, where she took note   of lemons in the wet grass (an offering?), the sky, a hawk on a tree. 

But no matter where she went, nothing was ever quiet enough.  Despite my best efforts, the narrative was bleak; 

it lacked tension and a convincing resolution.  Now, why am I telling you all this? Well, one day I woke up 

and it had been raining in the Oakland of my actual life.  Outside my window, the cottonwood trees looked like the day before, 

but drops of water covered the few dead leaves that hadn’t fallen  all the way down and were caught between branches. 

It felt foolish to consider my fate, the idea of premonition.  Still, I put on my red coat and walked up the hill to the cemetery. 

As if I had invented it, there were lemons in the grass, palm trees  with browned leaves. Walking there, between the gravestones of strangers, 

a runner passed me, and a family who had come to bring flowers,  their faces animated, ruddy from the cold. And my life, I understood,  

was just like their lives—marked by ordinary rituals, exercise,   and theories about the body. Nothing was as opulent as I had imagined it 

back then, but just as I had needed it—the meaning of it all cold   and very still, like a marble pedestal engraved with an ancient, simple fact.

—Aria Aber (Poem-a-Day, September 22, 2023)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The CFPB is genuinely making America better, and they're going HARD

On June 20, I'm keynoting the LOCUS AWARDS in OAKLAND.

Let's take a sec here and notice something genuinely great happening in the US government: the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau's stunning, unbroken streak of major, muscular victories over the forces of corporate corruption, with the backing of the Supreme Court (yes, that Supreme Court), and which is only speeding up!

A little background. The CFPB was created in 2010. It was Elizabeth Warren's brainchild, an institution that was supposed to regulate finance from the perspective of the American public, not the American finance sector. Rather than fighting to "stabilize" the financial sector (the mission that led to Obama taking his advisor Timothy Geithner's advice to permit the foreclosure crisis to continue in order to "foam the runways" for the banks), the Bureau would fight to defend us from bankers.

The CFPB got off to a rocky start, with challenges to the unique system of long-term leadership appointments meant to depoliticize the office, as well as the sudden resignation of its inaugural boss, who broke his promise to see his term through in order to launch an unsuccessful bid for political office.

But after the 2020 election, the Bureau came into its own, when Biden poached Rohit Chopra from the FTC and put him in charge. Chopra went on a tear, taking on landlords who violated the covid eviction moratorium:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/20/euthanize-rentier-enablers/#cfpb

Then banning payday lenders' scummiest tactics:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/01/29/planned-obsolescence/#academic-fraud

Then striking at one of fintech's most predatory grifts, the "earned wage access" hustle:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/01/usury/#tech-exceptionalism

Then closing the loophole that let credit reporting bureaus (like Equifax, who doxed every single American in a spectacular 2019 breach) avoid regulation by creating data brokerage divisions and claiming they weren't part of the regulated activity of credit reporting:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/16/the-second-best-time-is-now/#the-point-of-a-system-is-what-it-does

Chopra went on to promise to ban data-brokers altogether:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/13/goulash/#material-misstatement

Then he banned comparison shopping sites where you go to find the best bank accounts and credit cards from accepting bribes and putting more expensive options at the top of the list. Instead, he's requiring banks to send the CFPB regular, accurate lists of all their charges, and standing up a federal operated comparison shopping site that gives only accurate and honest rankings. Finally, he's made an interoperability rule requiring banks to let you transfer to another institution with one click, just like you change phone carriers. That means you can search an honest site to find the best deal on your banking, and then, with a single click, transfer your accounts, your account history, your payees, and all your other banking data to that new bank:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/let-my-dollars-go/#personal-financial-data-rights

Somewhere in there, big business got scared. They cooked up a legal theory declaring the CFPB's funding mechanism to be unconstitutional and got the case fast-tracked to the Supreme Court, in a bid to put Chopra and the CFPB permanently out of business. Instead, the Supremes – these Supremes! – upheld the CFPB's funding mechanism in a 7-2 ruling:

https://www.scotusblog.com/2024/05/supreme-court-lets-cfpb-funding-stand/

That ruling was a starter pistol for Chopra and the Bureau. Maybe it seemed like they were taking big swings before, but it turns out all that was just a warmup. Last week on The American Prospect, Robert Kuttner rounded up all the stuff the Bureau is kicking off:

https://prospect.org/blogs-and-newsletters/tap/2024-06-07-window-on-corporate-deceptions/

First: regulating Buy Now, Pay Later companies (think: Klarna) as credit-card companies, with all the requirements for disclosure and interest rate caps dictated by the Truth In Lending Act:

https://www.skadden.com/insights/publications/2024/06/cfpb-applies-credit-card-rules

Next: creating a registry of habitual corporate criminals. This rogues gallery will make it harder for other agencies – like the DOJ – and state Attorneys General to offer bullshit "delayed prosecution agreements" to companies that compulsively rip us off:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-creates-registry-to-detect-corporate-repeat-offenders/

Then there's the rule against "fine print deception" – which is when the fine print in a contract lies to you about your rights, like when a mortgage lender forces you waive a right you can't actually waive, or car lenders that make you waive your bankruptcy rights, which, again, you can't waive:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-warns-against-deception-in-contract-fine-print/

As Kuttner writes, the common thread running through all these orders is that they ban deceptive practices – they make it illegal for companies to steal from us by lying to us. Especially in these dying days of class action suits – rapidly becoming obsolete thanks to "mandatory arbitration waivers" that make you sign away your right to join a class action – agencies like the CFPB are our only hope of punishing companies that lie to us to steal from us.

There's a lot of bad stuff going on in the world right now, and much of it – including an active genocide – is coming from the Biden White House.

But there are people in the Biden Administration who care about the American people and who are effective and committed fighters who have our back. What's more, they're winning. That doesn't make all the bad news go away, but sometimes it feels good to take a moment and take the W.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/10/getting-things-done/#deliverism

[odinsblog]

“How do you enjoy life as the world burns? When the planet is on fire, and the country is falling apart, and the cops shoot another teenager, and half your neighbors are getting evicted or deported, and Bill Maher is still speaking out loud on television, what do you do? I go to the water park with my nephew Miles.

Miles is 12 years old. He is a brilliant, bow-legged troublemaker. I love him despite the fact that he's 12 and still has a rat tail. It's really not that cute anymore, dude. We're not related by blood, but Miles' dad, Kevin, is like a brother to me. So Miles calls me Uncle Josh.

Uncle Josh, when are we going to the Warriors game? Uncle Josh, will you show me how to open that car with a hanger again? Uncle Josh, Uncle Josh, since I'm half Black and half Asian, does that make me Blazian? No, Miles, that makes you Oakland.

It's August, and it's hot, which for the Bay Area, means anything above 67. Today, it's 91. I'm over at Kevin and Miles' place, sitting in no AC, in our tank tops and boxers, watching Key and Peele.

I say, guys, we gotta go somewhere to cool off. Cooler than the movie theater, cooler than the mall, I'm gonna take us to East Bay's water world. Miles' face lights up. But then Kevin says, I don't know you guys. I mean, those water parks, you know, they're so wasteful.

My man Kevin is the worst kind of Bay Area environmentalist. He's that type of dude who will come over your house and use the bathroom, not flush, but instead write a note on your toilet paper telling you how much water he just saved you. That's a true story.

I say, Kevin, it's so hot out here, I could fry an egg on your face, which I will if we don't go to East Bay Water World. Miles says, please dad. I say, please dad.

Kevin says, fine. Go have fun at the park, but take my car. It's a hybrid.

I grab the keys and soon me and Miles are driving through Oakland. We pass by the Trilingual Liquor Store, the farmer's market that accepts food stamps and we make our way through the tunnel and the hills. We emerge on the other side in the valley.

The further we get from the coast, the ground is drier and drier, browner and browner. The only green is the manicured lawns of the suburbs, the golf courses, the empty field of the sprawling county jail. And then we see it and we arrive at our Mecca, our oasis in the California desert, East Bay Water World. And it's even more beautiful than I imagined. There's four wave pools, there's a 50-foot water park, the air smells like chlorine and sunscreen and funnel cake. Delicious.

Miles' mouth is wide, staring at all these things he's never seen before. Carnival games, Dippin Dots, girls in bikinis, Uncle Josh, this place is awesome. I know, Miles. I know.

We go and we jump in the wave pool, we float down the lazy river, we spin through the whitewater rapids until we're totally drenched, grinning ear to ear and surprisingly thirsty. So I go to the funnel cake vendor for something to drink.

Can I get a bottle of water, please? He says, no problem. That'll be $7. $7 for a bottle of water? He looks at the bottle. It says, and he literally read off the bottle, it says this here is bottled and purified up near Lake Tahoe.

This is California water. California water. I buy two bottles and walk back to where Miles is pointing up towards the sky. I follow his gaze and then I see it. There, staring down at us from the tallest point in the park is the biggest water slide I've ever seen. The tallest slide in Northern California, the Annihilator.

The Annihilator is a seven-story, 80-foot freefall drop down all in just under five seconds. It's one of those slides that's so vertical, your back comes off the ride when you go down, so you feel like if you lean over just a little bit, you're done. It's the type of slide that's illegal in 27 states and most of the European Union, but hey, this is California.

I look and see Miles. His mouth is watering in anticipation. We go and get in line.

Now, the worst part of the Annihilator isn't the ride down. That's only five seconds. The worst part is the 30-minute wait in line, standing in the stairs watching and hearing every kid go down the slide, hearing every scream, every shriek, every, oh, sweet baby, Purple Jesus. The That's a direct quote from a nine-year-old. Shout out to Purple Jesus.

Miles is nervous. His hand is clenching the railing. Uncle Josh, is this thing safe?

Before I can answer, I hear a voice shouting from the top of the stairs, Hands up! Put your hands up!

Hands up!

It's the lifeguard, a tall white teenager in red shorts. He's yelling at the girl about to go down the slide. I'm telling you, it's way more fun if you put your hands up.

And the words hit me like a tsunami. It's August, two weeks after Ferguson, after Mike Brown. After those words, hands up became the calling cry for a movement.

In Missouri, people are putting their hands up to protest the police murdering another black boy in America. In California, I'm watching kids put their hands up as they go down a water slide called the Annihilator, and my nephew asks me if it's safe here. It's August in America.

In Detroit, they're shutting off poor people's water. California is suffocating of thirst. Half of my friends are putting buckets of ice over their faces on Facebook. Israel is bombing water treatment plants in Gaza, and in America, we have water parks in the desert. Industrial Almond Farms in the desert, prisons in the desert, my family, me and my nephew right here in the desert looking for anything that could be called an oasis. And Miles asked me if it's safe here.

What am I supposed to tell him?

I don't want to lie to my nephew. I want him to know that yes, some people will always see him as a threat, but I also want him to laugh and play and go get on this crazy ass waterslide.

How do you enjoy life as the world is burning? How do you teach your nephew to hate the park but love the ride? The thing is called the Annihilator. I think it might be trying to tell us something.

And now we're next in line. A girl with blonde pigtails is shaking her head. The lifeguard says, it's okay, you don't have to do it.

She backs away and now Miles is up.

He steps to the edge of the slide, puts his feet in the rushing water.

I can see the brown hills in the distance, Oakland and all its beautiful contradictions waiting on the other side. I wave at Miles, say, you got this. You got this, dude.

And he waves back at me, and when he does, he lets go of the railing. His hand shoots up in the air and the rushing water carries him away. He lets go. He shoots out and disappears over the edge. My nephew!

I rush to the side and look over, and there's Miles at the bottom of the slide, safe and alive and pulling up his bathing suit. He jumps up and runs to get back in line, and the cycle continues. Water, blood, life, death, and maybe rebirth.

I'm still on the top platform of the slide.

I walk to the edge, look down at California, lift my hands, and let go.”

—Mr. Josh Healey

[allthingsfern]

Somewhere II. Oakland, 07-14-24.

[val-cansalute]

can u do ellie best friends to lovers with a lil angst 👀

SELF CONTROL

masterlist

Dim warm lights, the constant hum of talking and laughter, bodies swaying to the gentle music like grass in the breeze.

Somewhere near the centre of the buzz, Dina and Jesse are slow dancing. The sight warms your heart; your face brightens with a small half-smile and you look down at the alcohol in your cup which you’ve been nursing for a while. A nervous habit.

The metallic taste of blood seeps into your mouth rather than the bitterness of the drink as you chew your bottom lip and look back up to scan the room for Ellie. Again.

You’ve been standing awkwardly by the drinks for a while now, the place that the two of you usually spend most of your time at whenever there’s a dance.

She had gone to go find someone, telling you she’d be right back, but she still hasn’t returned and it’s pissing you off ever so slightly.

The only part of these things that you enjoy is chatting drunkenly with her after all.

Or, just being in her presence. You’d enjoy just that. The warm, tingly feeling makes almost anything worth it. You’ve known for years that you are in love with Ellie Williams, and almost everyone else in Jackson knows it too.

You like to pretend it’s not like that; she’s your best friend and you’re just super close, especially since Jesse and Dina got together so you spend less time together as a group and rather just as the two of you, but you know that’s bullshit.

You’ve had a crush on her since the day she arrived in Jackson, and it has only grown larger and larger into this undeniable love for her. It sits in your chest and squeezes your heart cruelly, clawing at the bars of your rib cage and churning your stomach whenever she’s around.

You’ll never be able to tell her about your feelings, and you’re lucky no one outright talks about it when she’s with you. Because the two of you are best friends; attached at the hip, as the elders often muse.

And, though it hurts, for now, you’re okay with being just that.

Your eyes skim over the sea of dancing figures, stopping abruptly at the familiar sight of choppy auburn hair.

Ellie.

Your heart drops when you see the reason she’s not with you in the form of a girl with short black hair and arms that are draped over Ellie’s shoulders.

Ellie’s dancing with Cat. But Ellie never dances with anyone. Hell, she’s only ever danced with you or Dina about two times at best.

There’s a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach - something akin to nausea, anger, and despair. They’re standing too close. Ellie’s holding onto Cat’s waist too comfortably. The hall is too small. The air is too hot. Everything is too much.

You only just saw it but the room is already becoming blurry, so you place your drink down at the table shakily and walk out as quickly as you can, eyes glassy and legs quivering, ignoring the sound of Dina’s voice calling out to you over the much too loud music. Your ears are still ringing when you get home.

Ellie looks over at the table and notices the absence of you. Suddenly, she feels thrown off. You’re always there. Where did you go? She chews her lip - a habit the two of you share - as she looks back down at Cat, silently telling herself you probably just went to the bathroom.

When the song ends, she eagerly separates from the confused girl and jogs over to Dina to ask about you.

“You just missed her. She upped and left about five minutes ago. Tried to talk to her but she looked kinda out of it. I think she wasn’t feeling well.”

“Did she look ill?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe just drunk.”

“Why’d she go? She didn’t even tell me she was leaving…”

“I’m sure she’s fine, El, you’ll see her tomorrow anyway.”

“Right.”

——

The thought of patrol is making you deeply upset.

You don’t know how to face her; how you can look her in the eye when you feel so hideously jealous over something as small as seeing her dancing with another girl.

A few steps behind at all times, you pick at your nails as you muster up the effort to pretend that you’re not feeling like shit.

Shouldn’t be this hard to talk to your best friend.

Ellie looks over her shoulder at you for a moment and you’re already dreading what’s coming when her eyes meet yours.

“So, where’d you go last night? I looked around and you were gone.”

“I… just- home. I went home. Wasn’t feeling it.”

Ellie nods as her head turns to face forward once more. She’s rambling on about something but you can’t hear her. You’re about to do something you will inevitably regret - in fact, you regret it before even doing it.

“You looked like you were having fun, though… Cat, huh?”

The smile that plays on Ellie’s lips makes all those feelings you felt at the party rush through you again. With intensity. Once more, you feel nauseous.

“Yeah… We’re just… It’s just a thing. I don’t know. She’s cool…”

You’re face morphs out of a grimace and into one of neutrality when Ellie looks back at you nervously again, smile slightly more unsure as she gauges your reaction.

Of course she cares about your opinion of Cat. You’re best friends. For that reason, you force a smile to push up your aching cheeks and shove her shoulder gently as you trek further into the snow.

“A thing? Wow. I’m sure she’d love hearing that.”

Ellie throws her hands up in defeat, “Hey, I never claimed to be good at this sappy shit.”

“Pfft, yeah. I’m more than aware of that.”

Ellie laughs and grabs onto your waist wordlessly to move you out of the way of a branch you were going to trip over,

“You’re such an asshole. Fine, right now, there’s not really a label, but, I mean, she’s cute. I don’t know, maybe something could come outta this.”

You nod, but the juxtaposition of her words and her touch are driving you insane.

“Cool. You looked cute as fuck together.”

All you can hope is that she can’t tell your words are laced with bitterness. But you’ve known each other for years. Ellie can obviously tell that something is wrong. The way you brushed her hands away and kept walking was a pretty obvious sign.

Ellie makes incessant attempts at starting conversations, but your one word responses leave her feeling confused, her signature smirk faltering.

As you return to the stables in silence, you can feel her gaze piercing through the side of your face before she reaches out her hand and rubs your back gently, as she usually does whenever you’re sad.

“You okay?”

You try to play off the way you flinched under her touch and clear your throat, refusing to meet her strong gaze as you move away from her.

“I’m fine, yeah, just tired.”

She stops and stands still, watching in confusion as you walk off in the direction of your home without acknowledging her again.

Over the next few days, she can see clearly that something is happening quick, that the trajectory of your relationship is pummelling towards the ground, but she can’t figure out why. At that point, it really doesn’t take a genius to see.

The day after, on your way to the stables before patrol, you encountered a sight that took your already breaking heart out and trampled all over it.

Ellie and Cat were making out. And, though you’re used to hearing details about Ellie’s emotions, seeing it in the flesh occurring with so much passion is like a slap to the face.

The last few months had given you hope. You had felt as though your dynamic was becoming more affectionate. You must’ve been badly mistaken. This was confirmation that there was no meaning to the drawn-out glances and lingering touch. No feeling. No reciprocation. God, you feel like an idiot.

You can’t believe Ellie still doesn’t know. You can’t believe you have to go through this again, even if you have a feeling they won’t last very long. Will you really just spend your whole life obsessing over her? You feel like you’ve been pushed past breaking point.

Before you know it, you’re back at home with the door slammed shut behind your heaving figure. You know it’s completely idiotic that you’ll be holed up in here for the next few days, moping over Ellie. At least now, it’s for the last time.

You won’t let yourself crawl back to her.

Ellie walks away from your locked door with a frown, a hoarse voice and knuckles sore from knocking to no avail for the nth time that week.

You don’t open up. You can’t see her, not for a while.

Dina stops by almost every day, brushing her fingers through your hair and comforting you while trying to get you to go out and meet someone else. Maria borderline harasses you through her, asking when you’ll be back on patrol, if you’re still all depressed.

You can’t help but want to sink into your bed and stay there for eternity.

And when you finally start going out again, you catch wind of Ellie spending more and more time with Cat, not understanding why you’re suddenly nowhere to be found. Obviously, Ellie hasn’t declared anything to be official, but you refuse to read into it. Ellie’s never been one to do shit like that.

She speaks to Dina about it constantly, looks around for you in her free time, chases after you when she catches glimpses of you around the market. You rarely stop or give her more than a tight-lipped smile, claiming you’re busy.

You’re always out of reach.

But the straw to break the camel’s back is being met with Jesse’s face instead of yours on the day that you’re supposed to return to patrol. Patrol, with her.

Irrefutable evidence that you’re avoiding her.

Even now, however, she can never manage to get a hold of you to confront you about it. Her mind is consumed with thoughts of you. The last few weeks had been chaotic, the hours you spent together daily suddenly dissipating into a head nod as you speed past her on the rare occasion your paths cross. She has so much to tell you, and so much to ask you. Too many questions.

So, when she finally sees you stagnant at the Tipsy Bison, her heart starts racing.

Of course, you’re not beckoning her over by the drinks like you used to. You’re standing by a girl she somewhat recognises, throwing your head back in laughter and touching the girl’s arm in a way that makes Ellie’s jaw clench.

That’s the way you act around Ellie, or used to. That was the way it had always been, and it was a comforting affection that she had found solace in. That was your friendship; it felt like home.

But, now you left Ellie waiting at your doorstep and invited someone else in. She knew deep down that it was weird for her to feel this way about you being “friendly” with another girl, but her thoughts were clouded as she watched you. You replaced her.

The girl you’re with is someone you barely recognise, but she seems nice enough to make you want to be around her. Maybe you’re finally moving on from the crush that had you in a chokehold since you were 15. Or maybe the way a lock of her hair fell out of her low bun and framed her face reminded you of something, or someone, you craved desperately.

Whatever. You’re drunk enough to stop feeling anxious about seeing Ellie again in a place you couldn’t avoid her in.

When that familiar cold touch settles upon your shoulder and you’re spun around to face the person you had been running from for weeks, you just shrug it off and turn back to face the girl, Emily, or something.

Damn, even the name.

But she’s noticed the tension and she’s not continuing the conversation.

Ellie grabs you by the shoulders and turns you back around in frustration,

“Maybe you should cool it on the drinks, dude, you don’t even know this chick. She’s practically on top of you…” Ellie whispers aggressively and you know that she’s beyond pissed off because she rarely lets herself get so obviously annoyed.

“Whatever. Can you leave? I’m in the middle of something.”

She scoffs, a flash of hurt illuminating her irises,

“Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“You know what? You’re clearly drunk off your ass so let’s get you home, Y/N.”

That throws you off the edge,

“Fuck off, Ellie! What right do you have to say shit about who I’m fucking around with! You’re just a friend!”

Ellie’s expression becomes unreadable. Her hand curls around your wrist as she mutters, “… I know, but, I’ve been meaning-”

“We’re friends. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

The upset flickers through Ellie’s expression just long enough for you to notice before it darkens coldly again. She squeezes your wrist tight and starts pulling you towards the exit, both of you becoming aware of the people stopping and watching the interaction go down.

“C’mon. You’re drunk. I’m taking you home.”

You squirm, hunching over and dragging your feet as she leads you out while you try to pry her fingers off of you. It’s no use.

“Ellie, fuckin’ get off! I’m not-”

She turns and you flinch at the stern glare she gives you before saying,

“Stop being a fucking dick and cooperate for once.”

Your shoulders slump as she pulls you out and you blink back the tears that threaten to fall, whispering,

“I’m tired of this...”

Ellie doesn’t look back at you. She just keeps walking.

“What? You don’t wanna be friends anymore? Are you a goddamn five year old? Fuckin’ go ahead. I couldn’t give a shit less. I’m still taking your ass home.”

“Yeah! I don’t wanna be your fucking friend, Ellie! I’m tired of lingering around and- and pining after you for forever, or some shit. I don’t wanna watch you do all the shit I wanna do with you with some other girl! I hate it! It’s not fair; you keep giving me mixed signals-”

She stops dead in her tracks, still refusing to look at you.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit! If you don’t like me, why are you so fucking touchy? Why do you say all of that flirty shit when you’re drunk or high? Why do you get all protective when someone’s being flirty! Everyone and their fucking mom knows I have been in love with you for so long, it’s ridiculous, so stop ignoring it and just fucking turn me down or leave me the fuck alone! It’s not fair, Ellie. You can’t keep leading me on!”

She just shakes her painfully beautiful head and turns her gaze to the floor. You can feel the shattered remnants of your hearts piercing through your insides. You don’t want to hear what’s coming.

“You don’t want this. You dont. You dont know what you’re getting into.”

“I know you better than almost anyone. Yes, I do. You don’t get to decide that.” Your voice comes out shaky, defeated, but there’s no way you could get any more ashamed.

She finally turns to look at you, squeezing your wrist ever so slightly. Her thumb gently traces circles into the skin and there’s a sadness that paints her face in a way you’ve never seen before, one that makes you want to hold her.

“No… I don’t get to. But, you’re you… If it’s you, it’ll get too real. I can’t handle that. I’m not good at this shit. I can be open and free with you when we’re the way we are now. What we have now is good. If I let it happen, I’m scared I won’t be able to give you what you want. You deserve better. I’m sorry.”

The night breeze embraces the two of you, connecting you in a way that the words which die on your tongue are incapable of doing. There are unspoken truths in the way you look at each other. A comfort in the touch, hidden beneath the pain.

You don’t want to hear all the complications. You don’t want to worry about that shit. You just want her to hold you. You just want her.

With tears, thick as blood and carrying your love, running down your cheeks, you rest your head on Ellie’s shoulder and let yourself go.

“Please, Ellie. Please. Just stop. I just wanna be with you. I don’t care about that shit. I love you so much, it hurts. Don’t leave me like this. Please.”

A shaky breath escapes her lips as Ellie’s rigid figure relaxes into you.

“Fuck, you’re making it so hard to have self control.”

“Then, let go of it, Ellie, please.”

Gentle touch, her fingers caress your face as they brush the hair stuck to your cheeks, wet with tears, behind your ear and tilt it up so you’re looking at her. You love her. You love this.

“…I love you too.”

Then, Ellie leans in and gives you what you’ve been yearning for for years.

——

idk how i feel abt this but OH WELL and also dk if anon wanted a modern au but i might do that later with this concept anyway so don’t fret 😩 send more requests before i decay.

i have huge massive penis.

[louthestarspeaker]

[ID: A collection of six images of Jurassic World: Chaos Theory promo material. The images are in the style of a magazine, with a cover and interviews from each of the Nublar Six, minus Brooklynn.

The cover has all of the Nublar Six lined up on the docks in Costa Rica, just after they made it back to the mainland. Yaz and Sammy are holding hands, Kenji has a hand on Brooklynn's shoulder. All the kids are smiling nicely, with the exception of Darius whose smile is kind of awkward and looks a little uncomfortable on camera. The title of the magazine, The Dino Times, is splashed across the top of the page. Just below it is the subtitle "Who are the Nublar Six?". Below the photo of the campers is text that reads, "Meet the miraculous survivors of the Jurassic World catastrophe in this exclusive, celebrating the anniversary of their return."

Each of the interviews has a picture of each of the Nublar Six as a young adult, their name printed large, and a little logo for The Dino Times in the corner. A transcript of the text of each interview reads as folllows:

Darius: Dino Nerd Turned Hero

Darius Bowman never would've expected a shy, nerdy kid from Oakland could become the leader of the Nublar survivors.

"Back at Camp Cretaceous I had to learn to trust myself and my friends to make it through. It was a terrifying experience, but what they were doing to those dinosaurs at that facility just wasn't right. Somebody had to do something."

Since his return, Bowman has traveled all over the country giving talks about dinosaur conservation, and has worked with the Department of Prehistoric Wildlife.

Ben: Brave Soul Against All Odds

Ben Pincus had perhaps the most dramatic metamorphosis as a result of his experiences at Nublar.

"I was terrified of pretty much everything," he said. "Germs. The dark. Non-organic snacks. And then all of a sudden we were up against actual dinosaurs."

Luckily, Pincus found an unlikely ally in a baby Ankylosaurus he named Bumpy.

"Bumpy is my best friend. She helped me face my fears and see how much I had to contribute to the group."

We'll have to see if the campus office can make an exception for Bumpy as Ben gets ready for college in the fall.

Sammy: Cattle Rancher, Dino Wrangler

Sammy Gutierrez lived with her parents on a Texas ranch before Camp Cretaceous. Ever the optimist she remarked, "At least I was already used to big animals before that whole fiasco! There;s really not much difference between a longhorn and a Triceratops if you think about it."

Back at home, Gutierrez maintained that positive attitude by staying busy.

"I have my own ranch, now. And my girlfriend, Yaz. And tons of pies to bake! We don't have time to keep worrying about all that running for our lives stuff!"

Yaz: A Track Star and Her Team

Yasmina Fadoula went from national track star to Nublar Six survivor in the span of months, and the aftermath hit her particularly hard.

"I wasn't used to feeling helpless. Before, I would just push through to the finish line no matter what. Nublar made me realize you can't win all your races alone."

She credits her relationship with fellow survivor Sammy Gutierrez as a major source of support.

"I've been going through a lot of anxiety since coming back, and Sammy's been there constantly. I want to show her I can be the strong person she sees in me."

Kenji: Cool Kid Finds New Family

Kenji Kon has declined to comment on his father's incarceration.

"All that matters is my new family. They're the ones who always had my back."

The Nublar Six have been instrumental in Kenji's return to normal life, from his relationship with Brooklynn, to his best friend Darius.

"All I wanna do is chill, you know? I've moved out somewhere peaceful. Started my climbing school. All is good in Casa de Kenji."

End Transcript. The page of Kenji's interview has a ragged edge, like the page next to it has been torn out. There is no interview for Brooklynn. End ID]

[dvrknessabides]

Somewhere above Oakland, 2024

[inyourwildestdreams22]

Random questions for the next couple months of things I want to see Tz do (and I know I'm being delulu for some but fuck it)

go to the Olympics next week. any sport, as long as people know how to use their cameras lol. then visiting paris even more, another museum, versailles, another city in the suburban area, anything

vacation somewhere, preferably in a place where we'll see them more than in jan 2023

go back to Oakland like last year and visit the kids to kick off their scholar year strong. and why not do the same at the Brit School

Concerts ?

Some kind of Sony Marvel event to announce the next spidey films

Do all that before Jan before Z gets kidnapped by Euph*riz sadly

I would like to see it but i think the most likelyare vacation and maybe Sony finally speaking on Spidey . I like all option though, points for choosing fun

[mochie85]

Wanderlust

Part 1 of the Wanderlust Series.

Wanderlust Masterlist | Complete Masterlist

Summary: You try to convince your best friend to go on a long road trip with you. Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader Word Count: 694 (a drabble, really) Warnings: Fluff. ALL fluff. A/N: This is for @the-slumberparty June Monthly Challenge: Summer Vibes. I picked a tent (can the VW Bus be considered a tent?) and the Road setting. I don't know if I should continue with the story. I mean, I have some ideas, but I don't think there's an actual plot...lol. Edit: It's decided...it's now a series...I hope y'all are happy!

The one thing you wanted to do before you started your new job was to visit the national parks in your state. You graduated with honors and had multiple job offers in the tech industry because of the algorithm you created for your senior project.

Tech careers were unpredictable and oftentimes fleeting. But you were confident that your innovative program would help kick-start your career and cement your position in the company that you chose for a long while.

That’s why you wanted to go out and travel. See nature! Just before you commit to a desk and computer for the rest of your foreseeable future.

“Do you know how big California is?” Bucky asked you agitated.

“Yes, I do,” you answered back with a cheeky grin.

“California has the greatest number of national parks!” he pointed at the map.

“Yes. Nine! And that doesn’t include the monuments and the trails and the memorials-”

“No!”

“Well, I’m not asking for your permission.”

“I still say, ‘no.’”

“I’ll go with or without you, Buck. I just thought you should know my plan.”

“Do you know how dangerous it is out there? Especially if you’re alone.”

“I can take care of myself. I did take that self-defense class for a couple of months,” you reasoned.

“Why can’t you go somewhere that has- Look, Nevada! Nevada has one national park. The Great Basin. And hey…we could even hit up Vegas while we’re there!” Bucky pointed at the map.

“Oh, ya cuz I would really be safe from creep-o’s in Vegas!” you rolled your eyes at your best friend.

“Ok. What about Hawaii? Hawaii has two national parks! And it’s HA-WA-II!”

“Do you know how much that plane ticket would cost? I haven’t started my job yet. Besides, who would watch Smokey while I was away?”

“You’re bringing the dog?!”

“Of course, I’m bringing the dog! Smokey goes where I go.” And as if he was called, your large greyhound came over licking your hand under the table. “We’re gonna have so much fun in our Bus-Bus, aren’t we, Smokey?!”

“And another thing?! How sure are you that the rusted piece of metal you call a car will actually take you around California? You’d probably break down before you get south of Oakland!”

“I had my mechanic look at it! Sid said it was in good shape! Plus I can call a tow if I need to.”

Bucky just looked at you defeated. He knew there was no convincing you out of this hair-brained plan of yours. You had always been a person to stick to your guns as soon as you planned it out. ‘No Regrets,’ you had always said.

No Regrets, Bucky repeated in his head trying to decide what to do. Nine parks! Nine! It would take you a month and a half to finish that round trip. And that’s only if you decided to stay at each park for a couple of nights, not the week you were planning.

“All right. All right. I’ll go with you.” Bucky relented, placing his head in his hands.

“I didn’t ask you to, Buck,” you chuckled, trying to hide the relief on your face.

“Bullshit! You knew I was going with you the moment you told me about it.” He called out your bluff. You shrieked and held your arms out to Bucky’s neck, embracing him in a tight hug.

 “You and I are gonna have so much fun! You’re not gonna regret this.”

“Ya, ya, ya.” Bucky relished in your warm embrace. You smelled like sun-kissed fruit on a lazy afternoon. You felt like a cool breeze that just wafted into his life unexpectedly and decided to stay. Erupting his life into chaos.

You pulled away looking into his deep blue eyes. He narrowed them as if he saw something in you that he had never seen before.

“Ok, we leave right after graduation! And you can’t take it back now Barnes. You’re in this with me till the end!” You smiled at him. Your cheeks were puffy and red, carrying a dimple that he wanted to caress.

“Lord, help me.” He whispered under his breath.

⬅️Wanderlust Masterlist | The Redwoods➡️

🏷️ My "ALL" Taglist: @emarich7 @michelleleewise @coldnique @vickie5446 @psychospore @mukagentropy @lokisgoodgirl @silverfire475 @fictive-sl0th @springdandelixn @wheredafandomat @goldencherriess @peaches1958 @salempoe @thomase1 @kkdvkyya @a-witch-with-words @mischief2sarawr @sarawr-reads @vbecker10 @peachymallow @irishhappiness @cakesandtom @simplyholl @here4thefanfics @tallseaweed @holdmytesseract @immersed-in-mischief @joyful-enchantress @lovelysizzlingbluebird @lokisninerealms @kikster606 @glitterylokislut @loz-3 @slytherclaw1227 @chantsdemarins @the-lady-amphitrite @eleniblue @km-ffluv @lokidokieokie @n3rdybirdee

[vyl3tpwny]

Hey, im a CA Bay Area native, I just recently came across Antonymph (& the rest of your music, and I love it so much). The first 15 seconds of the music video seems super nostalgic to me, is that shot taken from BART? It looks like Hayward or Oakland but I cannot for the life of me figure it out!! Sorry if this question feels too personal, the song gives me so much nostalgia and good memories. Keep doing that you do, and thank you. 🫶

it's somewhere just before or after the daly city BART station! i'm originally from the bay area and starting with CUTIEMARKS i started to unpack a lot of my homesickness, i have lots of videos of being on the train or the bus :3 if that interests you, i actually wrote a song also about the SamTrans ECR bus line lol.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

This mansion in Oakland Township, Michigan, isn’t historic- it was built in 2005, but it features hand-carved wooden archways, hand-painted ceiling frescos, hand-cut stone and gold-leafed accents. It’s on the market and has been reduced to $10.8M.

International antiquities and fine art throughout the 16,500 sq. ft. home are included with the sale. (They convey! Hurray!) And, it has a total of 118 rooms. It would take several days to even go through your new home. 

Let’s tour this insanely majestic place.

When they said there’s hand carved wood, they weren’t kidding. Look at the details on all this wood. 

Right off the entrance hall is a stunning home office. I mean, if you can afford a $10.8M home, you probably need an office.

Geesh. There are framed leaded glass windows around the wall. And, look at the arch leading into the sitting room.

There’s one of the ceiling frescoes and look at that fireplace that looks straight out of medieval castle.

Look at this bar area. 

The gorgeous dining room- look at the border on the floor.

The kitchen has it’s own living room.

Beautiful sunny breakfast room has a fabulous ceiling all to itself. The columns. There are several types of wood in the kitchen.

They made it look like the stove is in an old cooking fireplace. 

This hall doesn’t even look like a home- it’s like a church or university.

The inlay on this floor is so intricate.

This house is outrageous. The carved wood, the different ceilings, and the floors are all magnificent.

I’m going to guess that this is another wing, b/c the hall is different. We’re headed to the main bd. 

Good lord! Look at this fireplace. Doors open to a terrace on one side, and on the other there’s a sitting room.

In the en suite, this is just the room for the sinks. That’s the Lord of the manor’s bathroom on the left.

And, this is the Lady of the manor’s bath.

His Lordship’s closet- notice the security system.

Her Ladyship’s dressing room matches her bathroom. I like the other bathroom better, though. 

There’s also a beautiful laundry room- how nice of them to give the help such a nice work space.

There must be an elevator somewhere w/all these stairs.

There are more bds. up here.

In this huge house there are 7 bds., but 10.5 baths.

This must be a rear staircase, or another wing.

Are we in the basement?

Found it!

More stairs. What a pretty stained glass window.

What an elegant home theater.

Bar and rec room. 

Gotta have another kitchen here. That must be a house phone to call the staff, on the right.

There’s even a frieze over the pool and the built-on hot tub.

Nice brick loo down here.

Look at the power plant for this place. This is crazy- you need an engineer to run the house.

Insane.

https://www.priceypads.com/16500-sq-ft-vito-anthony-homes-built-brick-manor-in-oakland-township-michigan/?

[spidermaninlove]

Tomdaya Timeline vol. 5

Links to vol. 1, vol. 2, vol. 3, vol. 4, and vol. 6

November 6, 2022

Tom and Z visited Petra.  link link2

December 7, 2022

Tom allegedly spotted at In-N-Out in Northridge.  

December 9 and 11, 2022

Multiple sightings of Tom and Z together in California. 

December 11, 2022

Tom and Z attended RDJ’s Netflix documentary, “Sr”, screening event in LA.  link  Tom and Z spotted at the Sunset Tower Hotel attending RDJ’s after-party.  link2  

Z and Tom got their nails done by her manicurist.  link3

December 14, 2022

Tom with Z at her former school, Oakland School of the Arts (OSA), for an impromptu master class.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8 link9 link10 link11 link12 link13 link14 link15 link16 link17 link18 link19 link20 link21 link22 link23 link24

They were also spotted at Batch & Brine in Lafayette, CA.  link link2 link3

December 15, 2022

Tom and Z at the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco.  link link2 link3 link4 link5

Tom allegedly called Z his butterfly.  link

December 16, 2022

Tom and Z in San Francisco.  link  While there, they visited the Golden Gate Bridge.  link2

They were also spotted eating ice cream in Sausalito.  link

December 18, 2022

Tom and Z allegedly paid for customers in line behind them at Starbucks.  link

December 30, 2022

Tom spotted at Heathrow (below) and arriving at LAX (link).

January 2023 Month-Long Caribbean TomdayaMoon

Alleged Tomdaya Caribbean destinations include Turks and Caicos, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, St Lucia (confirmed -- see photo below), and Antigua and Barbuda.  link

Tom and Z in St. Lucia

January 1 - 2, 2023

Tom and Z were allegedly spotted on a flight from LAX to MIA (Miami).  link

Tom and Z allegedly spotted having brunch on Brickell Key (Miami).  link

January 3, 2023

Tom and Z allegedly spotted at the Amanyara Resort on Turks and Caicos.  link

January 4, 2023

Z posted the story below from the Caribbean.

Somewhere in the Caribbean

January 5, 2023

Tom and Z spotted at the beach in the Caribbean.  link link2

January 11, 2023

Tom and Z allegedly spotted in St. Vincent and the Grenadines.  link

January 22, 2023

According to a credible source, he met Tom and Z on a boat in St. Vincent and the Grenadines.  link

January 23, 2023

Tom and Z were spotted hiking in St. Lucia.  link link2

February 1, 2023

An airport employee allegedly met Tom and Z in Antigua and Barbuda.  link  

February 2-4, 2023

After a month-long baecation, Z returned to LA and Tom returned to London.  link

Monaco

February 2023

Z was papped working in Menton, France on February 14, and photographed with a fan in Monaco on February 15.  Tom and Z were spotted at the airport together in Nice, France on February 15.  link link2  They were both spotted dining together in Monte-Carlo, Monaco.  link3

London

March 2023

Tom and Z out and about in Kingston.  link

March 8, 2023

Tom and Z spotted buying hot beverages while on a “family walk” in Richmond Park.  link  Dom confirmed the “family walk”  link2 , and Tessa and Noon accompanied them.  link3

March 11, 2023

Tom and Z were spotted holding hands while walking in Richmond.  link  They were also spotted having lunch while they were there.  link2

March 11, 2023

Tom and Z were spotted at Chiltern Firehouse in London.  link

March 12, 2023

Tom and Z spotted at Richmond Park again today along with Tom’s parents, and their dogs Tessa and Noon.  link link2 link3 link4

Z spotted watching Tom play padel.  link

March 15, 2023

Tom and Z photographed grocery shopping at Waitrose.  link link2 link3

March 18, 2023

A London-based manicurist made a housecall to do Z’s nails.  In the manicurist’s Instagram stories, Z is wearing a TH, ZH, or T/Z H/C signet ring and the Loewe shirt Tom wore to the Louvre.  link

March 21, 2023

Tom and Z spotted grabbing coffee. link

Tom and Z along with Tuwaine and Noon were photographed taking a walk.  link link2 link3

March 25-26, 2023

Tom and Z spotted shopping at John Lewis & Partners.  link

March 27, 2023

Tom and Z dined at Jamavar, a Michelin Star restaurant link and they were spotted out and about on New Bond Street in London.  link2

March 28, 2023

Tom and Z were shopping for antiques, and then spotted at a play and cuddling at a nearby bar/restaurant.  link link2 link3 link4 link5

Mumbai

Tom and Z in Mumbai.  link

March 31, 2023

Tom and Zendaya arrive in Mumbai for the Nita Mukesh Ambani Cultural Centre (NMACC) grand opening.  link link2 link3

April 1, 2023

Tom and Z yachting in Mumbai. link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7

TZ sightseeing in Mumbai.  link

Zendaya and Tom at the NMACC.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8

TZ leaving the NMACC.  link link2

April 2, 2023

Tom and Z spotted arriving at their hotel in Mumbia after brunch with the Ambanis.  link

TZ spotted leaving their hotel in Mumbia.  link

Tom and Z were holding hands while arriving at the NMACC.  link

TZ at the NMACC and out and about in Mumbai.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6

Tom and Z sighting at the Mumbai airport.  link

April 3, 2023

Tom and Z departed Mumbai.  link

Noon stayed with Tom’s parents while TZ were in Mumbai.  link

London

April 7, 2023

Tom and Z spotted walking in Richmond Park.  link

Zendaya and Tom explored Hampton Court Palace after hours today.  link link2 link3

Hampton Court Palace

April 9, 2023

Tom picked up a chocolate hazelnut frappe for Z on his way home from golfing.  link

April 13, 2023

Tom and Z spotted at Windsor Castle.  link

April 14, 2023

TZ spotted by a fan in Kingston.  link

April 15, 2023

Tom and Z were spotted by a fans in Kingston.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6

April 17, 2023

TZ were spotted getting coffee this morning.  link

Las Vegas

Tom and Z in Las Vegas

April 26, 2023

Zendaya and Tom at an Usher concert in Las Vegas.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8 (Tom wraps his arms around Z) link9 link10 link11 link12 link13 link14 link15 (Tom holding Z from behind while dancing together) link16 link17 link18 link19 link20 link21 link22

Z posted a story ft. Tom at the Usher concert in Las Vegas.  link 

May 1, 2023

Tom and Z at a Thai restaurant in Malibu.  link link2 link3 link4 link5

May 4, 2023

Zendaya and Tom in San Francisco at the Golden State Warriors game.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8 link9 link10 (holding hands) link11 link12 link13 (Z shielding Tom from the camera) link14 link15 link16 (Tom caressing Z’s arm) link17 link18 link19 link20 link21 link22 link23 link24

May 5 or 6, 2023

TZ returned to London.  link

May 13, 2023

Tom and Z allegedly saw Guardians of the Galazy Vol. 3 at a Kingston cinema.  link

May 13 or 14, 2023

TZ spotted in Notting Hill.  link

Venice

May 15, 2023

Tom with Z in Venice.  link link2

Tom and Z were spotted hugging and kissing, on a boat, and with Noon in Venice and nearby Murano.  link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8 link9 link10

May 16, 2023

Tom and Z allegedly spotted having lunch in Venice at the Gritti Palace Hotel.  link 

TZ photographed leaving The Gritti Palace Hotel in Venice.  link

TZ out and about in Venice.  link link2 link3 link4

May 17, 2023

Tom and Z departed Venice.  link link2 link3 link4

May 31, 2023

During an interview, Tom called Z a saint for putting up with his hair while he was filming TCR.  link

According to Sunrise, Tom wants to spend a bit more time away from the spotlight with his mate and his girlfriend, Zendaya. link

June 2023

Tom liked a Most Beautiful Woman in the World fan post of Z.  link

June 1, 2023, Tom’s birthday and TCR red carpet premiere

TZ shared some Caribbean vacation (tomdayamoon) memories on Instagram.  link link2 link3

Z liked and commented on a video Nikki shared of baby Tom.  link

Z also posted the poster for TCR to her story.  link

During a TCR interview, the interviewer asked Tom, “What is the most important experience in your life that has shaped you into the person you are today, if you could say one?”  Tom responded, “I think the most important experience I would like to keep private because it has to do with someone very special.”  link

June 4, 2023

While answering BuzzFeed’s 30 questions, Tom said, “I’m locked up, so I’m happy and in love.”  link  During the interview, he also mentioned Z was his childhood crush, and that “they” want to go back to his dream vacation spot -- a beach location they visited this year.  link2

During Tom’s UNILAD interview, he confirmed tomdaya 1.0.  link

June 8, 2023

During a podcast, Tom mentioned he’s lucky he has Z in his life.  link

June 9, 2023

Z reposted Tom’s TCR post to her story.  link

June 14, 2023

Tom and Z attended her Challengers costar’s play in London, and exited the theater holding hands.  link link2

June 16, 2023

Tom and Z photographed on an intimate walk in a London park.  link link2 link3 link4 link5

June 24, 2023

TZ spotted at a local golf resort.  link link2

Z had her nails manicured at Tom’s house.  link

June 27, 2023

Zendaya and Tom at the Beyonce Renaissance World Tour in Warsaw, Poland.  Tom is wearing Z’s leather jacket.  

link link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7 link8 link9 link10 link11 link12 link13 link14 link15 link16 link17 link18 link19 link20 link21 link22 link23 link24 link25 link26 link27 link28

TZ serenading each other to Love On Top at Beyonce’s concert.  link link2 link3 link4  

TZ lovingly looking into one another’s eyes and Z caressing Tom’s face during Beyonce’s Love on Top performance.  link

June 28, 2023

TZ returned to London.  link

[samuelroukin]

When did you visit the bay!!!!! I’m sorry you stayed IN sf but did u see the sea lions. Did you visit Oakland or Berkeley…

mid june in 2019! don't be sorry it was... interesting lol, i stayed in Thee cheapest hostel for half the time (bad.) and a (still cheap) hotel the other days which was much better, but staying in sf itself was so convenient for the public transport and i wanted to see the city

i did not visit berkeley, but i met up with two friends in oakland, we drove around and saw some sights, had a drink somewhere that served pineapple flavored beer! it was a great time fr

and i went to muir woods and sausalito too, absolutely beautiful places

also sea lions!

[jtl-fics]

Happy Wednesday my darling!! I'd love love LOVE some math nerd this week!!!!

4-24-24 WIP Wednesday | Math Nerd AU

He climbs out of the car and stares up at the stars. It was something that Alex had always talked about doing, that maybe they'd manage to sneak out somewhere the lights in Oakland didn't ruin the sky. He hadn't really gotten it back then and even now looking up at the sky he doesn't get it.

Though he thinks that he could like it if Neil was next to him pointing out stars.

He hits dial instead of trying to pointlessly try and text Neil something.

[foone]

Hi I'm Foone Turing. I've been here a while but never really did an introduction post, so...

Hi. Yes, that's my name. I'm an asexual trans enby (they/them pronouns), I'm married, and I'm both older than you expect and younger than you expect, depending on what you know me from. I'm a writer and programmer. I'm better known on Twitter, at the moment. I'm well known for being severely ADHD and I'm also on the autism spectrum, somewhere near ultraviolet. I live near Oakland, California, USA, but I grew up on a farm in the south. I'm a furry, but I don't have a fursona yet.

I'm big into retrotech stuff, especially floppy disks. 80s and 90s PC stuff mainly, but I have a passing interest in everything else. I loves me some weird tech that you have no idea ever existed. I'm also big into analog media. VHS tapes, laserdiscs, that sort of thing.

Fandom wise, I'm a Trekie from way back, primarily in the TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT era. I haven't yet gotten into the new stuff, and I have only a passing knowledge of the original series. I'm also a big fan of Babylon 5, Red Dwarf, and Doctor Who (4th doctor, and new who doctors 9,10,11). I watch a bunch of British panel shows: HIGNFY, Mock the Week, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, 8 out of 10 cats (primarily the countdown spinoff).

I am a Big Hater on crytypocurrentseas and AI art. I used to be famously mad at the JWST, but now that it's in space and functional, I've calmed down. They just need to rename it and I'm golden.

I'm currently splitting my social media presence across three sites:

* Tumblr, obviously. Shitposting, jokes, queer stuff, and queer joke shitposts are all going here.

* mastodon: I'm putting my tech stuff here. Teardowns, building new death generators, fun historical weirdness.

* Twitter: formerly my primary platform, but now I just use it to keep in touch with people and make fun of the impending collapse of Twitter.

Stuff I do and have done after the readmore.

(I'm on mobile now but I'll get back to this on the desktop and add more links)

* I run lettuce.wtf, a webcam showing a lettuce to see if it will outlast Twitter. (My money is literally on the lettuce)

* my long running site The Death Generator: a tool for making fake video game screenshots, with user supplied dialogue.

* I run some Twitter bots, one of which is more popular than me, and all of which will need to be migrated soon: Gay Cats, WinIcons, Print Shop Deluxe, and Every Clue Line.

* I got Microsoft 3D Movie Maker open sourced

* I got rickrolled so hard that it ended up on national TV

* I ran doom on a pregnancy test

* I have made many horrible and weird keyboards. Keyboards with hair, keyboards which write poetry, keyboards that take 5 hours to say "hello world", keyboards with randomly placed keys, keyboards with 7 toggle switches instead of buttons, and many more.

* I tear down random electronics and try to figure out and explain how they work. (originally on Twitter, but moving over to mastodon now)

* I pissed off the FBI on more than one occasion. They tried to get me fired, they delayed my wedding by over a month, and they mentioned my 4chan nickname in a federal trial.

* I used to work for 4chan. I was a moderator and coder, I created /rs/ and /r9k/, and I convinced moot to destroy the original politics board (for obvious reasons). Things went further to shit after I left, but I am still glad I left. Oh and I also inadvertently prevented the creation of the 4chan dating/meet up site by being too ADHD to actually complete development of it. You're welcome.

* I ran a windows 95 machine for the maximum amount of time. There's a bug where it crashes after 49.7 days of uptime, so I let it happen. I livestreamed the end on YouTube.

* I've done exhibits at the Vintage Computer Festival on the history of floppy disks and optical discs.

* I've worked with the Video Game History Foundation (and others) to preserve old games and game development resources (source code and such). I'm big into archival!

* I wrote a really famous Twitter thread about the surprising way our vision works, which is still circulating in screenshots (including on Tumblr!) something like 5-6 years later.

* I made my old apartment play the Zelda Ocarina of Time shop music when you walked I the door.

* I run the Tumblr animefloppies, collecting screenshots and GIFs of floppy disks in anime.

* I run several other sub-tumblrs for collecting weird things, but I'll have to link them later.

* I am technically a speedrunner. I did the TAS of Duke Nukem 1, episode 1, and a joke speedrun of Solar Winds, where I beat the game by ignoring every single possible objective and just flying to the end, which takes over an hour.

* I used to make games. Some of them are available for download.

* but it still do, too: I'm working on a (currently unnamed) game about managing a dairy farm. Both the developers have ADHD. This is going to take forever before it comes out, if it ever does.

* I'm currently working on three books. Two are compilations of stuff previously twitterized, one is a novel:

- Always Screaming Forever: non-fiction, stories about my career in the tech industry and various other tech/science/history stuff I love ranting about.

- The Other Side of Screaming: fiction. My short stories.

- Mundane Kaya Sona (placeholder title): a linguist gets pulled into an FBI investigation into a car crash. An unknown language leads to the discovery of a wizard living in a forest in Oregon, and an interdimensional plot to smuggle nuclear weapons to another world, and break a cold war stalemate we (the planet earth) didn't realize we were in. I've been working on the setting for this story since I was about 7 years old, and I'm excited to finally get it out of my head and into yours.

* I'm probably forgetting like 5-10 major things I've done but ADHD is a hell of a drug. I'll add more as they come to me.