#sorry about stede but that was so hot

[crazypenguintacofan]

*Wee John voice* I'd love to be hit with a plank by Zheng Yi Sao

[stedesbonnets]

i've come to the conclusion that stede's the jealous one in my au

[spirker]

I thought Valentine’s was a good day to share some lighthearted fic recs.

These are all Ed/Stede, under 6k words and zero angst.

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Naughty Office Guy - @clairegregoryau / Rated E / 5.8k words - this is a modern AU PWP where Ed is caught watching porn at work by IT guy Stede. Very hot, with a cute twist at the end. I’m currently working my way through this author’s latest work ‘Synchronicity’ which is an Olympic diving AU that I am absolutely loving so far.

Like An Angel - @piratecaptainscaptainpirates / Rated G / 1.7 k words - a very sweet modern AU meet-cute between T4T Ed and Stede. All of this writer’s work is brilliant, I recommend checking out their multi-chapter fics as well.

A Day in the Life of Model Employee S. Bonnet - @xoxoemynn / Rated T / 5.8 k words - another adorable modern AU meet-cute. Stede is a postie who abandons his route to join famous hair model Ed Teach on a photoshoot.

The Sea Beast - @hibyefics / Rated E / 2.3k words - a post season 2 fic where the boys enjoy reading an erotic novel of questionable quality. This story is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in this fandom. I love all this author’s work so much 😆

Truly Docked - @ofmd-alsaurus / Rated E / 4k words - idk what to say about this one. If you like your smut to be a bit weird and funny then this writer has got you covered. I gave myself a stomach ache laughing over this one.

Dear Ed (sorry, wrong chat) - @chaotic-neutral-knitter / Rated T / 3k words - this one is sooo good. Mary and her widows reading group find some of Stede’s letters to Ed. They try and decipher the (not so) hidden meaning.

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[iris-in-the-rain]

Stede has had the most awful day at Bonnet Industries. He's feeling really poorly and run down, but he keeps trying to push through. His father already gave him a dressing down in front of everyone. He's been feeling so unwell that more than once, he had to sit down on the floor against the wall. Of course, nobody paid him any attention. His face is all red and puffy from trying to hold back tears, but all he gets from his 'colleagues' is snide comments about his appearance. He finally gets in the car and opens his phone to a message from his best friend, Ed

'Looking forward to the movie later! Can't believe we get to see it on the big screen 😍 Yaaaay! Do you remember the first time we saw it?? x'

Of course he remembers. How could he not? He remembers looking at Ed that day and thinking how lucky he was that such a cool, smart and talented person wanted to be friends with him, silly Stede Bonnet. Stede starts crying then, ugly sobs, because he completely forgot about tonight and Ed was so looking forward to seeing the first movie they both saw together on the big screen this evening and he's feeling so hot and weak, and look, Nigel is pointing at him from across the parking lot. So Stede starts driving until he somehow gets home. He barely remembers getting into the house and replying to Ed's message. Ed deserves better. Stede is just useless. He's not a good friend, let alone boyfriend material. He lies down on the sofa and closes his eyes.

Until he wakes up and isn't sure where he is or what's happening. He's simultaneously freezing and really hot. He's in his bed, wearing his fluffiest pajamas, and wrapped in a comforter. And Ed is sleeping in a chair next to him, holding his hand.

Stede whimpers, and Ed snaps awake, immediately cupping Stede's face and frowning at the heat radiating off him.

'Hey love, shhh, you're alright. You should have told me you were feeling so ill'

Stede's eyes fill with tears again.

'The movie! We missed the movie, Ed, I'm so sorry, 'm just useless...'

'Hey, who you calling useless, hey? Better not be my Stede. Gonna need you to take these and drink some water, okay?'

'Ed, I'm sorry fo...'

'Hey, it's okay...'

'No, it's not okay!' Two tears roll down Stede's fever-flushed cheeks. 'We were supposed to see our movie and I could finally tell you you're the best thing in my life and that, that I wouldn't know how to keep going without your support and and everything is wrong, but you are right, you are the only right in my life, and I love you, okay, I just love you so much, but I'm not good enough, and you d- deserve better and I'm just a st...'

But Stede doesn't finish as he finds himself wrapped in Ed's arms and oh, if that isn't the place he never ever wants to leave. Heaving sobs shake his body, as his best friend, his Ed, holds him close, pressing kisses to his head, and murmuring words that Stede can barely make out, but...

'Love, it's okay. I've got you. I love you, too. You have no idea how much, Stede, my god, I got so terrified when you wouldn't answer the door and then I saw you on the sofa...' Ed holds him tigther. 'You're everything, okay! Just...' Ed realises that with the fever, Stede might not remember any of this in the morning, but that's okay. He'll tell him again.

As Stede falls asleep again, it is to the sound of his best friend's heartbeat and a dream of love that he never dared to hope for but always deserved. And Ed falls asleep holding his whole world.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Sorry to hear you're feeling shitty after your surgery. Don't worry, your nips are NOT going to fall off. Since you asked for fic requests, I've always wondered what Ed and Stede's very first night in their inn by the sea was like.

I love this one, thank you!! I'm feeling pretty good tonight (and significantly less worried about any nipple-related complications after checking in with my surgeon earlier and getting a thumbs-up on the healing so far).

--

Ed was trying not to think too hard about what Stede's last straw would be.

He was a really good sport about the awful smell, and even continued being a good sport when they discovered that the smell befouling the whole house turned out to be due to what was formerly some kind of animal rotting under the floorboards. Ed had a brief moment of worry when Stede got a bit pissed about Ed not wanting a hug after he came back from disposing of that whole mess, but they talked it through (as a crew of two) and Ed was happy to give Stede a hero's welcome after he washed up.

But they'd just kept running into snags. The sky roof (that's what Stede was calling the massive hole in the roof) was too big to cover with the spare canvas they'd brought for it, and Stede stuck his foot directly through some boards on the porch and needed to be rescued, and Ed attempted a sexy lean against a wall in a bid to get Stede to grab him by the hips and wound up going right through...

By nightfall, their list of things to patch before the house was safe for sleeping in had grown as tall as Ed, and they decided to just sleep outside.

Ed hated sleeping outside. It was hot, and he felt sweaty and gross, and there were bugs everywhere, and - oh shit, he was getting dirt on his shirt sleeve. And the worst part...

Stede was going to change his mind any second now.

Letting his breath out in a hitching jag, Ed glanced over at Stede, laying next to him on the blanket they'd spread out in the grass, who was looking up at the stars coming out in the sky, his hands crossed over his tummy. Noticing Ed was looking at him, Stede turned his head, his face breaking into a beaming smile -

"So," Ed managed, his voice watery, trying very hard not to blink because he was sure his tears would spill over. "Sorry it's not what you hoped for."

"Are you kidding?" Stede snorted, his hand moving almost instinctually between them to twine his fingers with Ed's. "I've got you with me. Everything else is just a bonus."

"I hate sleeping outside," Ed mumbled petulantly.

"Yes, you would, wouldn't you?" Stede wrinkled his nose - not making fun of Ed, just sympathetic. "Wanna do something about it?"

Before Ed knew it, they were propping up some of the extra canvas they'd brought on sticks around them in a makeshift tent, and maybe it was much less technically suitable if they cut a nice big hole in it above their heads so they could still see the stars, but they both really wanted to be able to see the stars. Stede used a broom to whack the worst of the leaf litter and general nature-y gunk away from their location, warning it very sternly to "leave poor Ed alone," and with their skills combined they were able to get some water going over a campfire to at least have something similar to their usual sleepytime tea.

And curled up together, Ed's head resting safely on Stede's chest, snuggled up safe from the rest of the world in their little makeshift tent...everything felt alright.

"Sorry the place sucks," Ed said.

"It's a fixer-upper," Stede said easily. "Good bones. Might take some patience! But as long as I've got you -"

Ed couldn't really help but smile, when Stede looked at him like that, like he hung every one of the stars up in the sky. "And as long as you're with me -"

"Yeah," Stede said, giving Ed a big cheesy wink just to make him laugh. "I think we'll be alright."

They'd have a busy day in the morning, when they'd have to start the task of actually trying to tackle the long, long list of issues with their new home. Probably, they'd spend most of the day trying to figure out which things were urgent to attend to and which were very urgent. There would be annoyances, and setbacks, and they'd probably have lots of silly little bickering arguments that ended with I'm sorry, I love you, I'm just stressed, and I know, I know you, I love you too. Tomorrow, the whole business of retirement would probably start to look a bit difficult.

For now, though? It was the easiest thing Ed had ever done.

[cataclysmic-cathexis]

episode 5 moments that live in my head rent free

This is a safe space ship

"The bar is on the floor"

Izzy, stealing Lucius' cigarette, taking a drag, blowing the smoke back into Lucius' face, calling him "twatty", then putting the cigarette back in Lucius' mouth

What the fuck is wrong with them I need to study them in a lab

"...but what did he say about me, specifically?"

*flirty* "Maybe I could teach you a new thing or two" SIR I'M SORRY WHAT

IZZY SLAPS STEDE'S ASS?????

Fang gonna catch some fishies

Stede asking the priest breathing his gasping last breaths if he wants a glass of water

"playing las maracas with the devil"

Jim is so hot in this episode

They're hot in every episode but this episode specifically

Why is Izzy just hanging out in a chair in Stede's room watching him twirl around, I am LOVING it

THE FLOWER

THE DOGGIE

Someone needs to post the complete sketchbook STAT

Love triangle is OUT, throuple is IN

Roach has invented peanut butter

Stede twirling and flipping his coat all over the ship, he is such a dramatic lil bitch and we love him so much for it

Izzy and Lucius again?? Flirting?? Making heart eyes at each other?? Izzy gives Lucius the little shark he's carved?? Calling him "twatty" as he walks away?? WHAT IS HAPPENING

"Don't listen to the devil suit, it wishes to deceive us"

Izzy crossing his wooden leg over his healthy leg and muttering "rude"

Archie miming stabbing the suit and Jim just looking at her like god she's so hot

The congratulatory post fight recap / compliments

Stede and Izzy's little moment <3 <3 <3 <3

Lucius proposing brb I have a TOOTHACHE this is so SWEET

THIS ENTIRE NEXT 5 MINUTES.

FANG'S REAL NAME IS KEVIN

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok so the Calico Jack stunt double who came in to whip Taika's balls dropped a video about his experience, in which he says "and then every take after (whip my balls) he did something a little different. So it was 'whip my balls' it was 'whip my bum' he pulled out his pistol at one point and was like 'life or death situation I'm actually gonna shoot you right now, go' so I whip the gun"

I, my friends, consider each and every one of these shots to be cannon in my heart. And I'm a dirty nasty little Calicobeard girlie(gn) so I want to talk about that gun scene as it relates to this

(whoever's gif this is I'm sorry for not crediting u I found it on Google images)

In both of these scenes Ed is pointing guns at cute boys to get them to do sexy violence to him. This is an established thing that he does. He's done it twice now.

There are two possible reasons for this, my friends! These two options are not necessarily mutually exclusive so there's more of three options and the third one is my favorite.

Option one: this is just how Ed flirts. He whips out his gun the way you might buy someone a drink. He thinks he looks sexy when waving his gun around and he wants men to see that and be into it. He twirls his hair and says "you know what would be cute and fun and manic pixie dream girl of me?" and then he whips out the gun

Option two: Calico Jack likes having guns pointed at him by hot people. It gets his fuckin blood pumping and his dick hard. Ed has correctly clocked that Jack and Stede are both insane and is like, "awe yeah this'll get him for sure it always works on Jack" and then points his gun at Stede in the stab me scene.

Option three (synthesis): this is just how Ed flirts BECAUSE every man he has ever been sexually attracted to is the kind of man who is crazy enough to have a gun waved in his face and think "oh yeah that's hot. Makes me want to do sexy violence to him." Ed is a master of goading these hoes into whipping/stabbing/otherwise hurting him in a sexy way. He knows what deranged men like and it's being threatened at gun point. He has a type and he has adjusted his flirting style accordingly.

[amuseoffyre]

Little details I love about the escape:

Stede's "I don't know if I can trust-" and then going Hm. Okay. Yes. You may stay about Archie's weapon skills.

Izzy and Fang both shushing Buttons and holding onto his arm and chest as well to keep him calm and quiet

Fang already working on getting the rigging in order when Frenchie and Roach land. Since Buttons went first, I'm betting he gave Fang his orders, since he gives Frenchie and Roach their orders too.

Wee John's "I'm so, so sorry" XD

Roach coming in hot with a sack of stuff from the Red Flag - in case anyone wondered where their food supplies came from, looks like Roach robbed a kitchen :D

[forpiratereasons]

meeting stede bonnet

a slow meandering through June. prompt eight: family

day 1 | day 2 | day 3 | day 4 | day 5 | day 6 | day 7 | day 8 | day 9 | day 10

-

Stede Bonnet was having a very good morning. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. He had a great pin on today: a rose, in rainbow colours.

And he’d woken up with Ed, sleep-soft and warm and drowsy in his arms.

Hard to beat that. It didn’t even matter that Stede was running late to work. Because Ed Teach was a snuggler, and was not bothered in the least by morning breath when kisses were involved, and was really enthusiastic about the idea that a thing worth doing was a thing worth doing twice.

Yes, it was a very good morning.

“Good morning, crew!” Stede called out as he entered the bookshop. He shook a box of sorry-I’m-late pastries at the staff currently hovering around the check-out counter. “Hello, morning!”

Roach clapped Oluwande on the shoulder and said, inexplicably, “Nope. Nope, this is not for me, not today,” before he shuffled off.

Frenchie followed with an apologetic smile. “I’d love to stick around for this,” he said, “but I really don’t want to.”

Stede frowned. He looked back at Oluwande, who sighed, resignedly, and Lucius, who—“Lucius, you weren’t on the schedule today.”

“I’m not actually here,” Lucius said quickly.

“Yes, you are. I can see you.”

“That’s not really what he meant,” Oluwande said. He blew out another breath, closed his eyes for a moment, then said, in a not-at-all-convincingly casual tone, “So, Stede. Have a good—night? Last night?”

“Plan B?” Lucius whispered to him, before Stede could respond.

“Absolutely Plan B,” Oluwande confirmed, with considerable relief. Lucius patted the counter and disappeared.

“As a matter of fact,” Stede said, determined not to let his very strange staff get in the way of his very good morning, “I did have a good night.”

He paused, waiting to see if Oluwande was going to ask him to elaborate.

“Good,” Oluwande said eventually. “Good. That’s good. I had like, just a regular night. Regular, boring old night! Pizza night. Good to have a night like that some nights.”

“’Course. Sure.”

Stede waited again. There seemed to be something they were waiting for, but—

“Right, well, thanks for the pastries,” Oluwande said suddenly, just as Stede caught sight of Lucius slipping out of the back hallway, giving two thumbs up. “Oh, um, I just remembered, I left you some invoices to check. In your office. On your desk.”

Stede didn’t usually do invoicing until Monday afternoons—always the slowest days of the week—but he snagged a pain au chocolate anyway and made his way down to his office.

He picked up the first invoice in the pile, and then found what had been tucked underneath it: a book.

The Joy of Gay Sex.

Ah, Stede thought.

For a long time, that was all he thought. He kept trying to think the next thought, the one that ought to come after it, but he just kept circling around that same one. Ah. Right.

He wandered, slightly stunned, back out to the counter, where Roach, Frenchie, Lucius, and now also Jim had materialized. Even Wee John, who was not even Stede’s employee but who belonged to Frenchie in some way or another, had taken up residence in one of the shop’s armchairs. They all looked at Stede expectantly.

Stede looked at them.

They looked at Stede.

Stede said, “I’m gay.”

“Oh, thank god,” Lucius blurted. “For a minute there I thought we’d got it wrong.”

“Just a jumping off point,” Frenchie said, rubbing Lucius’ back while he caught his breath. “The book. Some of it’s a little outdated, but it’s a classic. It’s a start.”

Surprisingly, it was Jim who added, “I emailed you some websites, too. For the more updated stuff. Read it, be safe, never talk to me about any of this again.”

“It’s a bit like—being family,” Oluwande said, and everyone nodded along with him. “We watch out for one another, when we can.”

There was something thick and rough in Stede’s throat. Something hot behind his eyes. He tried several times to think of something to say, but in the end all he could muster was a small, tight, “Thank you.”

“And if you happened to get that guy’s number,” Roach said with a sharp grin, a wicked wink, as Stede flushed instantly, “his assistant is looking for him.”

[bougiebutchbinch]

updated This Post-Coital Convo in Lady of Shalott because I love idiots who suck at talking about their feelings

"Hey,” says Ed.

And Stede... tenses. It's a 'hey' he's heard before - if not the precise word, than the tone. Louis, curled small in his bed, asking "Dad, do you really love us?" as Stede ducked to blow out the light. Mary, murmuring "Darling, we need to talk."

"Hey yourself," he says, far too cheery and a whole octave too high.

Ed squints at him. "So," he says, "about Izzy..."

"What about him?"

Another squint. "Alright, mate. No need to get defensive - "

"I'm not getting defensive! Who's getting defensive? Why, accusing me of such a thing - if anything, Ed, that goes to show that it is you who is being the defensive one!" Stede leans back, puffing proudly, arms folded. "So there!"

"Right," says Ed, after a pause. "Not defensive at all. Look. I  just wanna know." He rakes a hand through his hair, catching on several knots. "Do you... like... think he's hot?"

Stede cock - treacherous fiend! - gives a twitch. "Of course not! Hot? Pssh! Izzy Hands? Hot? Me? Think that? About him?"

"Because," says Ed, cutting in, "just... like... it'd be okay, y'know? If you did. Think that. Hypothetically."

Stede deflates, just a little. "It... it would?"

"Yeah. So. Do you?"

Stede tugs at his collar - only to remember that he isn't actually wearing a shirt, and transitions to rubbing sweat off his nape. "Objectively speaking, I suppose I can see... ahem. The appeal."

"Good," says Ed. "Good." They sit with that a moment, stewing in the smell of their sex, then both speak at once -

"Me - "

"You see - "

Ed raises his hands. "Sorry, mate. You first."

Of course, Stede's gentlemanly upbringing insists that he reply "Oh, no. After you."

Ed, having no such propriety, nods. "Cool. Was just saying, y'know... Me too. I see the appeal. Objectively speaking. Or like, I did, in the past. So, y'know, I couldn't judge you, or anything."

[lightweaver-with-cats]

OFMD S2 EP8 SPOILERS! Do not read if you haven’t seen the episode!

RE: IZZY

I love the ending. It might seem a little rushed and I’m so sad that Izzy died, but I still think it’s super sweet. I’m a happy ending sappy person I guess❤️ I wish Izzy lived, but in some religions, a person is ready to leave this realm after they understand the meaning of life and are content with who they are. Because this realm is for suffering, once you are ready you don’t need to be here to suffer anymore. So I think Izzy is in a better place where he doesn’t have to struggle to be himself and without all the trauma of the past❤️

RE: Gentlebeard

I am so happy they opened an inn! You know it might seem unlikely but after experiencing big traumatic events, suicidal, mania, breakups, processing, PTSD, Bipolar, love, obsession, hate…sometimes you just want to sit down and chill, take a pause, and start something new. You can still process things while you do something different. Stede agreeing to the inn idea is based on love. After you almost died multiple times, it makes sense to want to be with the person you love even if it means not being a pirate. I think Izzy said it right, it’s about belonging, not about piracy. Ed’s character is my favorite, literally a hot mess, but you know, that’s just how his journey is. It will be nice for them to own an inn, and maybe in season 3 they will go back to being pirates because owning an inn is driving them crazy like Anne and Mary ahaha. Ed just wants to stay away from the sea, and Stede has the confidence to be whoever he wants to be. Both of them just want to be with each other. Ah I love it❤️

RE: THE CREW

The wedding happened! Yay! It was shorter than I’d hoped but it was still really sweet! Spanish Jackie joined the crew, makes an interesting possible development for S3. The crew also grew a lot in this season, I think they understand how being a family is more important than the act of piracy, which is the theme of the show. Zheng also joined! Love that girl❤️

RE:MYSELF

I’m happy, and you know, I understand if you don’t like this episode too, it is heartbreaking. So I totally get it❤️Sending love to all the fans! This show has been the best journey! Sorry that some hearts are wounded, I hope y’all feel better soon.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Izzy thoughts at first (then LONG ramblings about the S2 Teaser)

TLDR: I think Izzy is going to run away from Ed, get Stede, and help him become a better pirate. Also: WHY IS EVERYONE SO HOT

1.) Look at him. So *happy* to be the Goth he truly is!

I love that Izzy doesn't trust Ed not to hit him here. If you look, Ed's not that close to his face, but Izzy just *can't* trust him right now.

Izzy in the same face makeup as the rest of the crew (AHHHHH HE'S SO HOT. I want him. I want to be him. ETC). What made Izzy put on the makeup? How long do you think Izzy lasted before caving in? I'm 50/50 between him immediately giving in, or stomping his feet. I love that he clearly put some time into it. That's full coverage right there.

[IS THAT A WIP ON HIS HIP? My CalicoHands heart.... Someone correct me if I'm wrong...please correct me if I'm wrong. I will be thinking about this for a month, thank you.]

We also see him dying his beard with Kohl? Might just be the lighting. Also: take note of that lovely ring around his necktie. My theory is that this is episode 1, right near the beginning of the episode.

2.) THE LAD <3 MY MAN! GOD, he looks refreshed. Rested. Slightly stressed. This is why I think he was staining his beard in the last GIF, just comparing colors.

RED ALERT: THE RING AROUND HIS THROAT IS MISSING(or he's not wearing it in this shot, or we can't see it thanks to the lighting).

Izzy just deciding to leave is so fucking powerful to me, as a show of Izzy's growth in what looks to be 1/2 episodes. I don't think Ed hurt him, I think he genuinely got sick of this shit and left... He might have just run off once he got a *hint* that Stede might be alive, and decided to risk it. (Or fell off the ship during that storm...could you imagine the angst). FIRST MATE IZZY HANDS TO CAPTAIN STEDE BONNET/EDWARDS? Yes, please!

[My Stizzy/Steddyhands author heart is ready to read those fics. Because there is no way in hell these idiots will work out a throuple. As I'm 90% sure Ed just doesn't see Izzy.]

My theory for the scene specifically: Stede's crew takes over a ship, and Izzy is there to help. We see Izzy walk into the room, probably to update his Captain about the raid, and a guy goes in for the stab. The "I did a punch" Is because Izzy is training him. AHHH :3 CHEWING THE BARS OF MY CAGE

3.) I saw a theory that the reason Izzy covers his hand with a glove is because he's been branded as a deserter from the Navy(usually a 'D' tattoo on the hand). Most of Ed's crews wouldn't respect him if they knew that Izzy had turned coat. This also explains why in Ep 9 he hated the idea of Ed turning himself in. In all the scenes in the teaser, we still see him in a glove, even after he ditches the symbolic ring.

ALSO HI SHIRTLESS IZZY, SORRY TO IGNORE YOU! Why is he shirtless? It's the Caribbean, I get that it's hot, but nothing? Does the man not own any other not-black tops? Not that I'm complaining, of course! I am very happy with this artistic decision.

I still think he's going to lose his foot/infection is going to spread thanks to his toe(losing a metaphorical and physical balance thanks to Ed). They're suspiciously covering his foot with a barrel or it's out of frame in most shots. So this training might be 1/2 Izzy helping Stede, and 1/2 Izzy regaining his balance. I also think this is on Stede's new ship, as that doesn't really look like any room we've seen on the Revenge.

STEDE IZZY FRIENDSHIP ARC. :D

(Now, the thing is. Does Izzy find out about Lucius hiding before he leaves? My guess is no, Izzy doesn't know, and is going to take that info right to Stede to reveal in a sensitive moment.)

(YES. I am in love with the Izzy-candle-imagery! My man is a dwindling candle, long may he burn. He doesn't need to use his fingers and cause himself harm when lying/having feelings about something, he can just use his sword)

=============================================

NOT IZZY STUFF THAT I LOVED

GET EM ROACH!!!! I just love this shot so much...no clue why. The flowers, the shock on Roach's face, the tiny ass canon.

I love him in this trailer, THIS IS HIS GLOW UP, and am happy Jenkins looked at straight people no-homoing S1 and went 'STEDE LOVES ED! HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH' all teaser.

"I don't care what anyone says, he's actually a good guy!" OH STEDE. This is exactly what I expected from you, and I am so excited to see this play out. I hope Izzy is there to help him manage his money, if not, pray for him.

Stede getting a Pirate Outfit that TWIRLS is so him... I'm so happy for him! This is what I always thought Stede would enjoy about 'dressing up' in a pirate world. He can have elegance, color, and function! THIS is his glow-up, the longer hair, the ATTITUTE<3(Prince better be in this season's soundtrack, please).

WE'RE GETTING A STORM BABY!!!!! My favorite trope in OFMD fic I haven't yet written ;). They're so fucking scary, the reason most pirates didn't last a year is due to storms vs. most other threats. I'm excited this season will explore a bit more of the realities of living on a ship! I write OFMD horror because 1700'S SHIPS ARE HORRIFIC.

ALSO HI JIM!!!!! My two favorite characters, all get a decent screen chunk of teaser time. THEY ARE SO FUCKING HOT IN THIS TRAILER. GENDER. FUCKING. ENVY. (RIP Lucius fans...He'll be at the end of S2 Episode 1...probably).

MY HANDSOME WIFE! I fucking love Ed in this trailer so fucking much. If you follow my page, as much as I am an Izzy lover, Stede and Ed are close behind. I love that Ed is clearly heartbroken, and dissatisfied even with the violence he's supposed to love. He's got that Blackbeard mask on tight, and it's not coming off. Also: He looks hot while doing it.

His work wife leaving is probably going to fuck him up more.

I don't think Ed has a TON of screen time, mainly just due to Taika's schedule at the time. But I'm excited to see him sad.

ALSO: Did Ed color the doll so he's wearing a lace bralette? Cause that tummy (at least in this GIF) looks skin-toned. AHHHHH! He would rock that. I just know he'd rock that.

SIDE NOTES:

-HI SPANISH JACKIE/SWEDE- The ship I didn't know I needed till now.

-OLU! I hope you have such a good season, babe. You deserve it. Jim is obviously loving this.

-Frenchie having cat claws makes me so happy.

-WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!! YEESSSSSSSSS!

I'M HYPED!!!!!!!!!!

[crowleychild]

Stede sees Ed's "Trust no one" tattoo

When Ed nodded, Stede got lost. He got lost into his sweet brown eyes, into his touch, into his lips, those he had dreamed of kissing for so long.

The months they were apart, Stede knows they weren't kind to Ed, and now he only wants to love him in every way he knows to assure Edward that he was loved, he is loved, and that that wouldn't dessapear in an instant. To assure him that he means it.

Carefully, he started kissing Ed's neck, always waiting a bit in case he wanted to stop him, but he just let out a shaky breath of surprise and pleasure. While being kissed, Edward himself started untying Stede's shirt, to get rid of it. Any piece of clothing was far to much for him.

Predicting his intentions, Stede moaned on his neck and got rid of the shirt roughly, so he could continue with what he was doing. Slowly, he began to move both of them across his quarters, heading towards the bed. With a heavy groan, they both fell over it, Ed below Stede. Gazing into eachothers eyes, amazed and full with love, they kissed in the mouth, slower this time. Enjoying it. Stede put his hand on Ed's cheek, and, with a smile, he got up. Ed let out an angry grumble, wanting the blonde over him again, following his body until he was sitting on the bed, but Stede put a hand on his chest for stopping him. Then, he just closed the courtains to give them more privacy. Ed could only look at him with calm, waiting. He knew what was about to happen and he wanted Stede, all of him.

Again by his side, it was Ed's turn to make the first move. He kissed the blond eagerly, while his hands went all over Stede's torso. He then moved his lips towards his chest, kissing his shoulders, and he couldn't resist to kiss the burn scar from before. Stede let out a shaky breath, and Ed look at him. Stede nodded and Edward started to kiss the hell out of his chest, no longer refraining himself. Both of them gasped, already really excited between their legs.

-Ed - Stede managed to say- Your shirt. Out.

With no question and in no time, the shirt was on the floor and while Ed explored Stede's collar bone, he began to touch Edward's abs and chest. He wanted to feel it all, to feel conected to him, to have him right now.

Since things where already hot, Stede felt comfortable turning Ed around and almost jumping over him. He was starting to loosen Ed's pants when something caught his attention on his back.

A huge tattoo, all over his lower back. A huge skull with the words "Trust no one" written just below it.

Ed, meanwhile, was feeling impatient by the lack of kisses or some touch on his back. He let out an angry groan again, while trying to recover his breath. Only when Stede talked, he froze.

-Oh Ed... - he whispered.

"Fuck" he thought "the tattoo". Inmediately, he turned around to face Stede, who stepped aside to face him as well. They looked into eachothers eyes, waiting for one of them to say something.

-I am so sorry Ed- the blond speaked- I hurted you pretty bad.

-Yeah- he responded, whispering- but you are here, now. Please, forget about it for now. I don't want to think about those days...

His voice broke, and Stede kissed his cheeks, mouth, eyes and forehead, gently.

-I'll never leave again. Promise- it was all he could say. He couldn't make those terrible months disappear, he couldn't pretend like he hadn't left, but he was here and he wanted to fix things. He was ready for whatever happen.

-Promise- he repeated.

Soon he was over Ed again, kissing him non stop. When he turned him around again, he trailed kisses all over his back, lovingly.

-I'll never leave you, Ed

They made love that night, slow and gently, and then they both laid down, cathing their breaths. Ed hugged Stede and buried his face on his neck. Stede kissed him on his head and they fall asleep. Ed trusted Stede, Stede trusted Ed an that's all that mattered.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Prompt idea: Holiday celebration get horrendously fucked (birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Passover, doesn’t matter really, dealers choice) and one of them has to comfort the other and help them through a meltdown over their favorite day getting fucked up

Happy birthday and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as you would make Ed and Stede’s!

I wasn't able to get this one edited and posted on my birthday, but it's still a precious prompt and I loved writing for it!! Here's the story of The Time That Stede Fucked Up Passover.

--

"The eleventh plague," Stede said glumly as he watched Ed open a kitchen window to air out some of the smoke, "easily misread cooking directions."

"Well, babe," Ed said over his shoulder, "I'm not sure why you thought that the oven needed to be set to 450 for brisket -"

"I misread the package, Ed," Stede snapped, trying to hide the wobble in his voice.

"Aww, no, that came out wrong." Ed, who had been poking at the smoking, thoroughly blackened brisket sitting on the stovetop to salvage for any edible parts, held out a hand for Stede to take.

Stede pretended he didn't see, looking down at his lap.

It was Stede's first Passover with Ed, and he knew it was a big deal. Ed's mama was coming over for the seder, and Stede had been trying so fucking hard to get it all right. Passover was Ed's favorite holiday! He couldn't fuck it up!

So he did all his research. He practiced reading the haggadah, the text read at the seder - even though Ed would be doing most of the reading, he wanted to be able to pronounce the prayers without asking for help and mark spots where he could raise interesting discussion or questions and (hopefully) impress Ed's mom. He'd figured out voices to use for all of Ed's plague-themed finger puppets to add a bit of levity, triple-checked what they needed for the seder plate, and he'd stressed over making sure dinner was perfect.

When the local synagogue had released sign-ups for pre-made brisket packs, of course he'd signed them up. He wasn't the greatest cook, and neither was Ed, so he figured that having the main course squared away would take a load off his mind and allow him to focus on getting the table set and ready while Ed prepared the roasted sweet potatoes, matzo ball soup, and an extra-big helping of charoset.

And now he'd fucked up his one contribution to dinner, and he hadn't even gotten the table ready, and he'd forgotten to put the wine in the fridge to chill, all because he couldn't even read the package -

"Stede, babe, you need to breathe."

Stede jerked his eyes open. He didn't even remember closing them, but now Ed was kneeling in front of him at the table. He put a gentle, calming hand on Stede's thigh, looking up at him with a small smile.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ed," Stede sighed, scrubbing at his eyes before his tears could fall. "I've ruined everything - I'm the worst boyfriend ever."

"Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend that way," Ed pretended to grumble. "You just misread the instructions. Could've happened to anyone, and you've never made brisket before, have you?"

"No," Stede admitted.

"There ya go," Ed said easily. "You do need to wear your reading glasses more often, though. Not even just saying that because I think they're hot."

"Ed," Stede snorted. "Was any of it edible?"

"Stede," Ed said solemnly, "that thing is burnt to a sizzle. It's basically a rock. It's an ex-brisket."

"Great," Stede sighed. "Your mom's going to hate me."

"She's gonna love you," Ed promised. "Wanna know how I know?"

Stede just pursed his lips.

"Because you tried," Ed said. "You tried so fucking hard."

"That doesn't change the fact that our main course is burnt beyond recognition, Ed."

"C'mon, man, get it straight." Ed rubbed a soothing little circle over Stede's kneecap. "If you think my mama is showing up here without more food than any of us can eat, you're in for a surprise."

Well. That made it a bit better.

"I'm just sorry," Stede said, his shoulders hunching inward with his guilt. "I wanted this to be the best Passover you've ever had -"

"It will be," Ed said, immediately. "Because you're here. And I love you."

"I love you, too." Stede cupped Ed's cheek in his hand, his heart swelling at the way Ed tilted his face into the contact. "Promise you're not mad?"

"Not a bit," Ed said.

Stede leaned in to kiss him, but they pulled apart when they heard a car pull into the driveway.

"The eleventh plague," Ed said cheekily, giving Stede a quick kiss on his way up. "Meeting your boyfriend's mom."

Stede shivered.

"C'mon, babe, she'll love you!" One last kiss, and Ed darted out to meet his mama before she had a chance to start trying to carry things in herself.

Stede took a deep breath, made sure no one could see him for just long enough to flip off the stupid brisket on the stove, and then he ran out to join them.

[saltpepperbeard]

I was tagged by the lovely @naranjapetrificada to share my Thoughts and Speculations for the timeline of OFMD S2, ie "eight predictions for eight episodes." Thank you, and sorry for the late response; I was facing The Horrors (derogatory). But now that the panic that is OFMD S2 being almost 3 weeks away is setting in, WHAT BETTER TIME TO RAMBLE ON AND ON ABOUT IT HSDJKS~

girlies (gn) there is honestly so much to account for. there are so many different elements that we've seen through promotional material and spoilers that i'm just like,,, how is this all going to Fit. BUT LET'S TRY OUR BEST SHALL WE LMAO-

((also hi hello this is ✨Jodi From the Future✨ coming in after typing up this entire thing, and realizing it was only supposed to be like,,, eight ideas for what's going to happen in the eight episodes. meanwhile my bitchass did a full blown prediction for what's going to go down timeline wise PFFF. BUT SURE YEAH THAT COUNTS AS ONLY EIGHT RIGHT? IT'S FINE,,,))

Episode 1. I think this is going to be more of an establishing episode. Establishing where the characters are, what they're up to, what challenges they're facing, etc etc. So, it'll likely focus on Stede's yearning, and Ed's heartbreak. I wouldn't be surprised if the "he's actually a good guy," the bottle kiss, and the wedding crash are all in this episode. And maybe it'll end off with the wedding topppersjfskfhsjklklbf,,,

Episode 2. An episode to build off of the motivations established in one, and also to move the characters a bit closer to each other. Maybe this is the episode where Stede tries to employ the help of the Red Flag Fleet, because they need a better mode of transportation to catch up with the Revenge. And maybe if that doesn't go too hot lol, maybe the storm will be towards the end of this episode to beach the Revenge somewhere. Though, I feel like that's quite a dramatic event, and would make more sense to occur a bit deeper in the season? But based on the rest of my thoughts/theories, it simply Does Not Fit SJKDS. So for now, I'm treating it as like, a divine intervention type beat where the crews are being beckoned closer together.

Episode 3. For SOME reason, be it just crossed fingies or the consideration of parallels or both, I have a feeling that Stede and Ed are going to reunite at the end of this episode. I think taking the episode release schedule into consideration also points to a reunion, because then we'd be left to sit with that for a week l m a o. I feel like we'll get to see all the intense emotions of them seeing each other for the first time in months, and their subsequent awe/reactions, before it abruptly cuts off as a cliffhanger. As for the actual BODY of the episode?? MAYBE the storm could also fit here in the middle somewhere, with the same sort of "the universe is wanting these people to be back together so lol STORM BE UPON YE."

Episode 4. The aftermath of the reunion. You get to see the proper reactions, ie Ed probably being dismissive and Stede trying to remain warm/enthusiastic. And then allllll the characterization that comes along with that, ie Stede's crew being like "I told you so" or Izzy being like "oh my FOOKIN god edward was throwing knives around and crying and making us crash weddings and now stede actually shows up and tHIS IS WHERE WE'RE AT???" So maybe, MAYBE, this is where Izzy steps in and tries to better things a bit by helping Stede, because he's Sick and Tired HSDJKLS. Like, this'll be the Fanfiction Episode™.

Episode 5. Wouldn't it be something if the party was in this episode to mirror the 5th episode in season 1 l m a o. And forgive me, because my theories towards Certain Events have seesawed ALL OVER THE PLACE HSDKJS. But hear me out hear me out. So episode 5 starts off as a sort of continuation from episode 4, and maybe Stede is trying to work himself up to better woo Ed. Like he's pulling out all the stops, which is why he's trying to train and better himself and do whatever he can.

But then MAYBE he has some sort of realization that like...Edward, his Ed, was so so excited to go to the Fancy Party Full of Hoity Toity People™. And was so so happy to dress up and be beautiful and feel himself. And so he decides to host a similar party on the Revenge for everyone, because not only would it be good for morale, but good for his beloved. So, they do, and everyone is Hype. Wee John gets to dress in drag, Roach gets to fire canons, etc etc. It's all so full of color and life and happiness again.

And, of course, maybe Ed and Stede have a Moment of some sort. I'm really really praying for a "Ed...May I have this dance?" type thing, followed by them having their first quiet and romantic moment of the season. And you can SEE some of Ed's walls coming down, even though he'd probably still be hesitant/tense. Maybe they even have an almost kiss type moment jUST LIKE IN THE PREVIOUS 5TH EPISODE. Or maybe the hhngfngmfngdmfd pearls,,,

...But then EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED SJDKSHKLDS. Because that ONE shot in the trailer where Wee John is shown in drag looks like a party, but also a party that was crashed by very unwelcome guests. So like, wouldn't it be something if the almost kiss moment was interrupted by some sort of enemy, and everything rapidly goes downhill.

Everyone gets bound, Stede gets tied to the mast, and...what if THIS is where Ed is thrown overboard. What if the enemy is someone who has it out for pirates, and very much has it out for Blackbeard in particular. So, they tie up Ed and throw him overboard in a murder/execution attempt, and Stede has to watch :))). Something something a parallel to Ed having to watch Stede get almost killed NUMEROUS times hskdjs. The turns have tabled.

And maybe there's a desperate moment between them right before Ed's thrown over. Maybe a desperate lock of their eyes, a desperate scream from Stede, a desperate declaration of feelings, even. And then the episode ends with Ed in the water.

Episode 6. The aftermath of episode 5 ofc. Stede and the crew have been captured, or maybe even just Stede has been captured. And Ed washes up on the beach alone.

I think this'll be where Ed sort of grounds himself and comes back into himself, because the gravity of the situation will hit him particularly hard. Like, he FELT things again. He felt BEAUTIFUL again. He felt DESIRED again. He felt like HIMSELF again. And didn't act upon it, and got separated from his sweetheart before he could. I wouldn't be surprised if he subsequently fights ghosts/demons of his own here, ie Hornigold or his father or individuals equivalent. So like, the barrel/clobbering shot is him fighting against his past type deal.

And then MEANWHILE, I think this is where Stede's going to get tortured. The darlings are both going to Go Through It in this episode.

AND, the more I look at that one shot of Ed in the woods with someone present with him, the more I'm like...IS that Wee John??? Or is that someone else? Because it would be something if the Revenge Crew was left alone, and only Stede was captured for his crimes against the Navy (murders and the escape from the academy). And then they somehow try and scramble/get help/link back up with the Red Fleet/find Ed themselves.

So, that one shot could have been them doing just that, and catching him up to speed after all that's happened. And maybe there's some sort of pivotal forgiveness moment/apology moment between Ed and the crew there too.

And then everyone's like...holy shit we need to go and KICK ASS ALL TOGETHER.

Episode 7. ✨The Battle Episode✨. Aka everyone kicking ass all together HSKDLS. Everyone uniting against a common enemy and battling it the hell out. There could be naval battles out at sea between the Red Flag Fleet, the Revenge, and the Navy, and then battles on foot on the black sand beach.

Something something wherever the enemy took Stede to torture him was also the same island Ed ended up on PFFFF. So, something something Stede somehow gets free, be it through his own devices or his crew, and they all start battling it out.

And ED is of course in the fray as well, especially pissed if he hears what they did to Stede.

Annnnd it leads to yet another reunion, ie them fighting to each other on the black sands. And I really, really, REALLY cannot express how badly I want them to fight to each other just to strongly kiss the moment they make it.

Annnnnndd then okay lol the CAVE. I'm thinking that one or both of them sustain injuries, or maybe just have to go and hide out somewhere since they're both VERY much wanted by the enemy. Something something them having to tend to each other and also having emotional conversations/talking it through, mixed in with more kisses.

Annnnnnnnnnd something something they all manage to fend off the enemy...*Buttons voice* FER NOW...

Episode 8. I think this episode would start off very unassuming. Like, the crews have won their battle, and go on to celebrate/recuperate. Maybe this is where they end up at Jackie's, and Ed gets to do those Soft Eyes, because he feels better and safe and IN LOVE. And so maybe things will be a bit easy-going and romantic to start off with.

Remember the friggin lighthouse. Something something "major romantic moment between two key characters." Something something WHAT IF ED AND STEDE HAVE A MAJOR ROMANTIC MOMENT IN THE LIGHTHOUSE HERE. would they be insane enough to do a proposal or something equivalent idk. i think i wouldn't make it to the other side if that was the case.

and if it's not a full proposal, even a deep declaration like stede going "i'll be by your side forever. if you'll have me" would just be hsfkshfskljkladhalkjhdfklgd.

But of course lol, OF COURSE, SILLY LITTLE PIRATE SHOW WILL PROBABLY END WITH SILLY LITTLE PIRATE PROBLEMS.

So, I would not be surprised if some SHIT goes down at the end of episode 8, maybe even leaving Ed and Stede separated again. Or at least putting them up against very very high stakes.

...

*GASPS FOR AIR* LMAO. I know I'm not even accounting for everything we've seen here. I know there are still elements like LUCIUS, the other couples, Anne and Mary, and some other little tidbits we've seen. But this is just what my brain Cooked. THIS IS WHERE WE ENDED UP SHDJKS.

And it'll be very very interesting to see what actually happens.

SEE Y'ALL IN LESS THAN A MONTH HSDJKS

[insteading]

Inspired by blakbonnet gifset from s2e2.

I've been thinking about how the showrunners decided Breakdown-Era Ed would be so hot. OFMD has things it is Looney Tunes about-- physics, abdominal anatomy, the historical record, the value of gaydar as a navigational device across large spans of ocean. But as many people have pointed out, it's pretty emotionally realistic, to the point where the fights Ed and Stede have are recognizable to many of us.

I don't know about you, but I find that crying all night on the floor results in blotchy skin, red eyes, a generally puffy face, a wicked dehydration headache, and a hoarse and adenoidal voice. The magic of fiction rescues Ed from some of that. But also: "I want my corpse to look fantastic" is absolutely a thought Ed would have at this point in his trajectory (and I think is one signal of how ambivalent he feels about dying). His depression hasn't blunted his emotions and convinced him that nothing matters: feeling abandoned still matters a great deal, even as he's starting to abandon the hope that he'll feel better some day. And he still cares about how other people perceive him-- which is frankly essential if he's going to goad crewmates into mutiny against him.

I've seen some great metas about how Ed wants someone to care enough about him to kill him-- or how he really wants to be talked out of wanting to die. Both those takes are even more plausible to me having watched season 2 in its entirety! In s2e6 Ed tells Ned Lowe "I don't respect you enough to kill you: you're not worth the poison." Ed thinks of killing as something that inextricably and intimately links two people. And at the beginning of s2e7 Ed credits the vision of mer!Stede with saving his life-- though I fully endorse the idea that Ed conjured mer!Stede up because of the persistent hope Ed so admires in Stede. Just as Ed's internal Hornigold pushes him off a cliff, Ed's internal Stede reminds him that he is capable of feeling something other than pain, and that there is reason to hope his life will not always look as bleak as it has been recently.

In this moment, though, before Ed comes up for air and life begins again, Ed goes to Izzy with a loaded gun. Why Izzy and not Fang or Archie? I think Ed sees Izzy as the QAR crew member with both the most reason to kill him and the most reason to talk him out of wanting to die, due to a combination of toxic masculinity and what I see as frustrated romantic obsession. In the "Izzy probably cares enough to kill me" column:

s1e10: Izzy threatens mutiny: "I serve Blackbeard, not Edward. Edward had better watch his fucking step."

s2e1: Izzy blames the "fucked" atmosphere aboard the QAR on Ed's "feelings for Stede Bonnet." Ed hasn't talked about those feelings because that's not the relationship he has with this crew. From Ed's perspective, Izzy is publicly calling him out for not having rid himself of those feelings. Which means somehow Ed hasn't watched his fucking step enough, despite throwing himself into raiding. Izzy's threat from the end of s1 still echoes.

s2e2: Izzy's gunshot wound has gone septic. Even if he survives having had his leg removed? Izzy lashed out at Ed at the end of s1 for being soft. He's got a very calvinist understanding of where human worth comes from, not just incompatible with a disability rights framework but also incompatible with accommodation and support from the crew. All Izzy's emotions convert to anger.

In the "Izzy might try to convince me not to die" column:

s1e10: The torture scene in s2e6 established in canon something that many viewers intuited at the end of season 1, when Ed lashed out and choked Izzy, and then again when he fed Izzy a toe: Izzy finds pain arousing. Izzy manifestly gets some satisfaction out of Blackbeard's attention even-- and maybe especially-- when the terms of that attention are painful for him. (It doesn't seem to matter to Izzy whether Ed enjoys causing him pain or whether the dynamic between them compounds Ed's suffering.)

s2e1: Izzy told Ed-- in a voice that made it absolutely clear how much he resented saying it-- "I have had ... love for you."

I think Ed's presentation in most of s2e2 sets up the scene where Ed hands Izzy the gun and plays on both his anger and his love. The Ed of "Red Flags" is simultaneously Peak Outrageous and Peak Hot, and that's why many of us reacted to the stills the studio released from this episode with variations on "s/he's so gender," long before we knew the context in which those stills would appear. Ed's wearing the leather that's his longtime crew's shared signature, calling to mind the history he shares with Izzy. But he's also wearing the pearls and the dangly sword earring, and he's got soft strands of hair framing his face that an early 2000s sorority girl would envy. And, well, we know that a silk gown to Izzy is like a Red Flag to a bull: he seems to find femme touches in menswear infuriating.

Seriously bbg, wild to say to someone who's romantically obsessed with you that *anything* they did in your dream last night was good for you, even if it was murder.

Ultimately, Izzy refuses both to kill Ed and to talk him out of dying. He acts neither on his femmephobia nor on his need for Blackbeard to stay around and satisfy some fraction of his obsession. "Clean up your own mess," from the person on the QAR who both loves and hates Ed the most, must sound to him like "You're not worth the poison." And coming from someone whose tolerance for poison is astonishingly high? Ouch.