#sorry for the rant i just feel very passionately abt this it’s like this big secret no one tells you about your twenties and then one day

[ginalinettiofficial]

oh anyways i know have a decent amt of teens & college aged ppl following me here so just in case no one has told you this - it’s important for you to know that the “freshman fifteen” is just a stupid way society has framed the fact that human bodies are still growing and developing in their young twenties.

you may not gain fifteen pounds from age 18-19 but it’s VERY likely that you WILL be 10-30 pounds (minimum!) heavier than you were at 18 by the time you’re 24. and that is good AND healthy AND damn near unavoidable!!! as a slightly adultier adult (late 20s) i can tell you with absolute certainty that the VAST majority of people gain a decent amount of weight in their early twenties. your weight also tends to redistribute around this time so physically you may look different than you did as a teenager.

all of this is NORMAL and HEALTHY and not anything that you are doing wrong and it’s not a sign you’re making bad lifestyle choices. it’s simply the way human bodies work.

so if you’re in this life stage or just coming out of it and finding that you look different than you used to, that you’ve gained a lot of weight despite not really changing anything about your lifestyle, that your face looks fatter, that your tummy is fuller - none of this is a flaw, none of this is a failure. it’s what human bodies DO. it’s aging. it’s growth. it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

i just know that while i DID hear a lot about the “freshman fifteen”, i didn’t ever hear anyone warn me about this tendency to gain and keep on weight slowly over those college years, and the way that your face shape can change, and it took me a while to stop looking at myself and thinking “how did i do this to myself, what is WRONG with me!” before i looked around me and realized it happened to literally every other person in my life too, that it’s not something i did wrong or needed to be worried or embarrassed about, that it’s just something human bodies do.

anyways here’s a picture of my sister and i ages 17 & 19 vs aged 27 & 29 for posterity. you don’t stop growing & changing just because you exit puberty and anyone who says you do is trying to sell you something.

[acaiasahi]

i'll be mad with you then. i tried standing up for pitbulls like they're a misunderstood breed and that I'd rather have them over chihuahuas. but they shot down all my opinions and tried to tell me i should choose the chihuahuas because they're smaller and easily controlled. same with rottweilers and other misunderstood breed. i tried to tell them "blame the owner, not the dog because the dog can be the results of the owner" yet they told me no it's in the dog's nature, like ffs LET ME HAVE MY OPINION AND ACTUAL FACTS why do they have to conservatively gang up on me

i completely agree. my dog has to be one of the sweetest pitbulls ever. never has he once bitten someone and if it were a "bite", it's just a nibble. everyone assumes that he's some vicious, angry animal but pitbulls are probably one of the most calm and chill dogs ever.

i also have a chihuahua, and lemme tell you, he's way more aggressive and hard to handle than a pitbull is. it's still baffles me that there's still a negative view on pitbulls. most of the time people are just intimidated by their big size but they such gentle giants, it's crazy.

i definitely agree at the fact that they're misunderstood, they completely are and people are just too stubborn to hear out actual pitbull owners and literal hard facts that they're a calm breed. a lot of people use the "it's the owner's fault" trick in the book when it's a pitbull, but never do they use that for a breed such a chihuahuas or golden retrievers.

never have i seen a negative view on other big dogs like golden retrievers but when it comes to a pitbull, all sense go out the window. i'm extremely angry at the fact that people rely on stereotypes of these dogs, dogs who are living creatures, creatures who have feelings. why would you put them down just to uplift a smaller dog who you deem "less aggressive" just bc they're small?

sorry if i sound goofy or shit's not making sense, i'm beyond livid. my dog is a complete sweetheart and the guy who claims he got bit, has a chihuahua who ALWAYS barks, growls, or tries to attack my dog. do i condone my dog being violent? no, and he's never been violent but i also do not blame him for getting territorial or anxious at the fact that some other dog is getting riled up just bc my dog is in the presence of them. my dog fr has anxiety and ptsd from his past owner so i don't exactly blame him for the way he thinks. (sorry for the long rant, i'm very passionate abt pitbulls)

[faetarou]

𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 || 𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢

fandom || haikyuu

pairings || inarizaki x reader [second!POV] miya atsumu, suna rintarou, miya osamu

gender || fem!reader

request || anon said: hi there!! i rlly love the way u potray the inarizaki and ur writing is amazing!! im so glad ur req is open too!! // can i req for suna and miya twins (or any other characters u want from inarizaki) having a crush on reader who look cold and indifferent on the outside but then they found reader actually play volleyball and is super passionate abt it so reader start to open up to the boys // sorry if its too much details 🥺 thank u very much!! 💖 [from fae: damn i loved this request, thank you so much anon, you're so sweet !! i used a slightly different format to accommodate this one and did change up the req just a little]

warnings // disclaimers || swearing, indifferent!reader

word count || 1.0k

taglist || @crystal-lilac , @kenmaslov3r​ ​, @jojowantstocry , @igyus [you can send me an ask or dm to be added !!]

ATSUMU invited you to come watch his practice on a dare, since he had a pretty big crush on you. Of course, you were virtually the only girl at Inarizaki who didn't have a crush on him, instead choosing to ignore him most of the time ("Your taste in girls is just fuckin' great, Tsumu-" "Oh, shut up, Samu.") and almost every comment you directed at him was stunningly cold. However, he played his cards right and managed to trick you into coming to watch you at volleyball practice ("Aw, is poor Y/N-chan really that scared of me? A-" "I told you not to call me that, Miya, and fine!").

The moment you walked in, he served the perfect jump float that curved unpredictably towards the back of the court and landed just on the line. To top it off, he followed it up with a ripper of a power serve, bouncing so high off the court it nearly hit the ceiling.

Atsumu got the shock of his life when you, cold, uninterested, Y/N, ran over to him with the ball in your hands, your eyes actually lighting up as you gushed about how amazing his dual wield was, and how perfect his technique was, and was he, Atsumu, aware of how freaking cool that was? He literally started blushing as you began to ramble about how you played and wished you could even get close to what he had just done. You, the 'worst girl' to fall for, passionately complimenting him with the biggest smile on his face.

"Jeez, Y/N, if I'd have known you got so excited over volleyball, I woulda invited you way sooner."

Surprising him even more, you didn't comment on his usage of your first name. "Thanks, Atsumu-kun! I really love volleyball!"

Atsumu was ecstatic that he'd learned more about you, especially that you weren't as unapproachable as he'd thought.

Damn, she's cute when she rants.

RINTAROU was surprised to find himself liking you, but, then again you two were pretty similar. Both coming off as uncaring and even mean to people who didn't know you, it came as little shock to most people once he finally discovered his feelings. However, he was extremely awkward around you, not quite knowing what to say to someone the polar opposite of his usual constant of the Miya twins.

Finally, he saw a copy of Volleyball Monthly on your desk, and he came up with an idea, softly, shyly inviting you to practice that afternoon. To his relief, you nodded vigorously, even giving him a smile so uncharacteristic of the cold person you came off as. When you arrived just as the warmup had ended, Rintarou found himself desperate to impress you, face impassive from where you sat to the side.

As Atsumu set to him, he leapt has high as he could, stretching as far over as possible and hitting the ball with a ridiculous amount of spin with his body at a near right-angle. Though he had done it to show off to you, he was outright shocked when you ran directly onto the court to grab his arm, a literal grin on your face.

"Holy shit, Suna, that was so cool! How did you hit it at that angle? And, woah, that spin was incredible-"

You continued rambling as the team cast him somewhat bemused glances, until you cut yourself off when the middle blocker said nothing.

"Uh, sorry, I got a little carried away, I just love to play and wa-"

The Suna Rintarou cracked a genuine smile, a soft lilt to the lips solely for you as he ignored what was occurring at the practice around him.

"I didn't know you were such a big fan of volleyball."

You giggled. Giggled. "I really love it - your spike is amazing!"

He found himself laughing. Maybe I have a chance with her after all.

OSAMU knew he didn't know a lot about you, though he also did know a lot, given that he genuinely liked you. He didn't know the extent of how little he knew about you, though, until he fumbled his way through asking you to volleyball practice (yes, as somewhat of a date) and you replied with a "sure" that was just a little warmer than the usual impartiality of your tone.

He had no time wait for you when you were running late, and started practice instead - unaware as he and Atsumu practiced their quick that you were watching quietly from the doorway. His twin let out a yell as he ran, the set coming so perfectly into his hand as he smacked it down, waiting for the satisfying smack of the ball hitting the ground ...

Which never came, Osamu instead hearing the slap of a volleyball against skin, and he landed from the jump with his grey eyes wide.

You stood on the other side of the net, rubbing your now red arm as the volleyball flew in a trajectory obviously originating from you, a bright grin on your face and enthusiasm shining through your expression.

"Woah, your quick is insanely good!" you said excitedly, ducking under the net to stand right in front of Osamu. "It was way too tough to receive!"

"Y-Y/N?" he barely managed to say, voice shaking in shock.

You laughed, passing the ball back to him and brushing your fingertips against his in the process. "I'm super passionate about volleyball, so I play a little, and it's so cool how good you guys are!"

Warmth filled Osamu's chest as he stared at you, flushed and grinning, and his heart fluttered just a little because of you, and damnit, you were just about the perfect girl, 'indifference' and all.

࿐ 𝐟𝐚𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐞𝐭, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧 !!

[tanzaniiite]

WAIT A MINUTE • KARASUNO THIRD YEARS

requests: OPEN

warnings: nsfw-ish

a/n: this is abt the reader being lowkey scared about their first time and freaking out last minute

listen i relate to this ish heavily cause i’m super paranoid as a raging v!rgin so essentially this me projecting :D

also this is my first time writing anything nsfw-ish so don’t violate🧍🏽‍♀️ (unedited asf btw)

ASAHI AZUMANE

chile he understands

asahi is just as scared as you if not more

sorry, he strikes me as a v!rgin too idk

but yeah, he won’t be upset or anything bc he’s a GENTLEman 😌

he’ll suggest cuddling while watching a movie or something instead

if you’re still not convinced that he’s fine with it…

“but babe, you have a—”

“i-i know, it’ll go away… eventually”

asahi will tell you a thousand times over that he’s not mad and that your first time is a big deal, it’s okay to be scared

as far as his *ahem* problem goes, it’s nothing that a hand can’t fix

You bite your lip as you grind your sex against your boyfriend’s clothed erection. Asahi tilts his head back, a groan bubbling in the back of his throat as his hands grip your waist. You lean forward, burying you head in his neck as you continue to move your hips against his. The brunette can feel everything despite you both having clothes on but he wants to feel more. His fingers dance along the hem of your shorts before tugging them down gently.

You tense slightly, biting his lower neck as a reflex which only caused him to choke out a moan. Too blinded by wanting more of you, Azumane suddenly flips you over on his bed. His arms caging you in on both sides, you look up at him with wide eyes. He just sends you a small smirk before leaving a trail of kisses down your body. Just as he reaches the hem of your underwear, you jolt up suddenly. Asahi looks up at you, confusion written on his face.

“I.. um, I’m sorry Azu. Can we not… do this?”

“S-Sure! Whatever you want! What’s wrong?”

Your boyfriend quickly sits up and scoots next to you. He’s fretting over you and you feel guilty. You thought you were ready, you thought that this time your nervousness would disappear. “Hey, please don’t blame yourself. You’re not ready, that’s okay. To be honest, I’m not either” Asahi admitted rubbing the back of his neck. You gaped at him, “But you were about to–!”. The brunette face erupted in flames, “I know! I just wanted to please you and stop there” He confessed. You couldn’t help but laugh at his confession, Azumane blinked before joining in on your laughter.

“How about this; if either of us feel like we’re not ready.. let’s just say so, deal?”

“Deal”

DAICHI SAWAMURA

ngl you caught him off guard

he genuinely thinks you’re ready and into it but when you’re suddenly telling him to stop, he’s confused

pls don’t misinterpret, he will stop. he’ll just be taken aback

once you calm down and explain yourself, daichi will be like “oh okay”

if you ask him if he’s mad, he’ll reassure that he’s not. daichi will however excuse himself to.. take care of himself

“i’m sorry babe, i-i just panicked. we can try again–”

“y/n. stop.”

he will stop you dead in your tracks if you keep apologizing. he explains to you that if you’re not ready to not push yourself.

daichi wants your first time to be special and full of love, not something you did for the sake of him. he doesn’t want you to feel obligated to him and he doesn’t want you to regret your first time

he loves you and will wait until you’re ready

Kissing Daichi was… amazing. The guy is passionate in everything he does, so of course he’s just as passionate when it comes to make out sessions. That’s what this was supposed to be: a make out session. How did it turn into Daichi hovering over you leaving dozen of hickies on your neck and chest, is beyond you. As he busied himself with prodding at you sweet spots to make you make sweet sounds in his ear, you tightly secured your legs around his waist.

Feeling a bit brave, you arched your back causing you to deeply press your hips into his. Daichi tensed at the sudden friction, a low groan escaping his mouth. He pulled away to look at you, his lustful gaze boring into you. You couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as he looked at you as if he wanted to devour you on the spot. Your nervousness only intensified as he began to unbutton your pants and pull off your underwear. You grabbed your boyfriend’s wrist tightly while pressing your thighs together.

“W-Wait, I’m not ready”

“…what’d you mean?”

Daichi sat back while you got dressed and calmed your rapid heartbeat. The two of you sat in silence for a couple minutes before he spoke up. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked looking at you nervously. You quickly shook your head, taking his hands into yours. “No no no, you didn’t do anything.. you were amazing! I just… I’m just not ready. I thought I was and I’m sorry for leading you on–” You ranted only to be interrupted with a kiss. Once Daichi pulled away, he cupped your face in his hands,

“You didn’t lead me on Y/n, there’s no need to apologize. You’re not ready, I’m more than happy to wait until you are”

SUGAWARA KOSHI

you say “no 😳”, suga says “yes ma’am☺️”

all my bbys drink their ‘respect women’ juice

nah but fr he’ll most likely stop before you get the chance to express your discomfort

suga is a very observant person and he can tell you’re uncomfortable and want to stop

“why... why’d you stop?”

“you look uncomfortable, are you sure you want to do this? we can stop”

bless this man

if you insist you’re fine and want to keep going (in fear of disappointing/upsetting him) he’ll flip the switch and say he’s not ready

knowing damn well he isn’t a v!grin with his fine aaa 🥵

if you’re not comfortable with expressing your nervousness, suga will take that role for you

like daichi, he doesn’t want you to regret this and he can clearly tell you don’t want to but for whatever reason you’re in denial. so he’ll say he’s not ready and nervous

he’ll then go on to explain why he’s nervous and scared, slowly pulling you out of your shell and getting you to share your nervousness as well

suga’s a good man istg

Soft moans spilled from your lips as Suga’s hand massaged your right breast while he took the left into his mouth. A playfully smirk graced his face as he looked up at you with those gorgeous hazel-brown eyes. “Mm, you like that Sugar?” He asked rhetorically, still massaging your left breast, tweaking your nipple between the pads of his index finger and thumb. You could only stutter out a weak cry of his name in response. This, however, fueled your boyfriend to continue in his endeavors to please you.

Moving up from your chest, he kissed you firmly. As the two of kissed, his hand abandoned your chest, which elicited a small whine from you. Koshi couldn’t help but smile in the kiss, he loved knowing he hand this effect on you. The hand that previously abandoned your chest made its way down your body and rested in between your legs. Suga noticed how you tensed and opened his eyes. He frowned slightly at the slight grimace on your face. Immediately he pulled away and looked at you.

“..Koshi, what’s wro–”

“Are you okay with this? We can stop right now if you’re not”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head vigorously, “No no no, I’m good. I want this” You ‘assured’, grabbing your boyfriend’s hand and pulling him towards you. Suga was lowkey offended that, one; you’d lie to him and two; you think he would believe such a bullshit lie. The silver-head pulled his hand away from your grasp and looked you dead in the eyes. “Well, I’m not ready then” He confessed crossing his arms over his chest. You let out a noise of disbelief before sitting up. “You aren’t? But you’re not a virgin..?” You stated, kind of confused as to why this was happening.

“I know. But I’m not ready for our relationship to go there yet”

“O-Oh, that’s fine”

Your boyfriend went on to explain how nervous he was about screwing up or not being enough for you. And you couldn’t help but agree with him. “Really? Me too! I haven’t done this before and I want to. But I’m scared that I’ll screw it up” You explained, finally opening up. Suga smiled slightly, glad that you were finally being honest with him.

“Sugar, we don’t have to do it right now. We can wait until you’re ready. And when you are, I’ll help you every step of the way”

[superangsty]

👉🏼👈🏼 ive been fixating on spirk lately and would like to talk abt it, if you were being sincere in your tags

fsdgfh honestly when I want to talk about something it’s mostly just me SCREAMING bc that SCENE man that SCENE. Like, the rest of STID is garbage especially when they brought Kirk back with Khan’s blood like what was that??? Why did they do that?? Also I feel like the first two films of AOS are really missing the whole crew being like a family and made it instead about a bunch of beautiful straight people having awkwardly written personal issues.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: required reading is of course Henry Jenkin's thing about The Glass. I tend to assume everyone has read it but if you haven't. Get on that. Here it is:

When I try to explain slash to non-fans, I often reference that moment in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan where Spock is dying and Kirk stands there, a wall of glass separating the two longtime buddies. Both of them are reaching out towards each other, their hands pressed hard against the glass, trying to establish physical contact. They both have so much they want to say and so little time to say it. Spock calls Kirk his friend, the fullest expression of their feelings anywhere in the series. Almost everyone who watches the scene feels the passion the two men share, the hunger for something more than what they are allowed. And, I tell my nonfan listeners, slash is what happens when you take away the glass.

Anyway all I'm saying is that no matter what JJ Abrams thinks he CAN'T recreate WoK because he doesn't UNDERSTAND WoK at the necessary level.

But with regards to STID so like okay at a very basic level you've got two things which are 1) Spock having Big Feelings and 2) the knowledge that Vulcans kiss with their hands and these two things on their own were enough to make 14 year old me watching it in the cinema for the first time feel ABSOLUTELY INSANE like for real I've been chasing that high ever since. And when Spock starts screaming? That's the Good Shit. 

Also sidenote there's this theme park nearby (ish) called Thorpe Park and I went there on school trips a couple of times and there's a ride there called Rumba Rapids and the music they play in the queue is really not relevant but its fun and when I was 16 I suggested to my friends how much funnier films would be if it was playing during sad scenes so one time we watched STID and when we got to this scene we turned the volume down low and the rumba rapids music up high. Not relevant to this post, but I just Unlocked that memory while I was thinking about this and I wanted to share.

Just gonna preface this by saying that Spock's death in WoK is obviously a lot more compelling than Kirk's in STID because in AOS JJ Abrams has this obsession with making Kirk the big hero who's so amazing and brilliant and is carrying the entire world on his shoulders so of Course he would give up his life to save the ship (and when you think of the parallels w his father doing the same it becomes even more about him trying to live up to his father's reputation and idk! I feel like it cheapens the sentiment!). Meanwhile the original films they'd moved past TOS's kirk-centric vibe and it was about the crew working together bc they're a family and it's about Spock! Who'd run away to try and escape all these feelings that had come from the enterprise! And it's like yes he can explain his decision with the 'needs of the many' logic but at the end of the day he is doing this to save the people he loves and EVERYONE knows it.

One thing I will say in STID's favour is that the lead-up to this scene with the repetition of the "Better get down here. Better hurry." line from WoK is excellent mostly because Quinto is a much better actor than Shatner and you can see how INSTANTLY he understands it's to do w Kirk as opposed to Shatner looking over at Spock's empty chair and being like huh. Wots all this then. Also I like the way Quinto Spock runs I think it's funny :)

The next part when Scotty's like blah blah decontamination whatever after Spock asks him to open the door like sure okay I can get behind Spock being so overwhelmed that his common sense flies out the window but what I DON’T like is that it's only them down there. Where is the Drama of the entire engineering department watching Kirk have a meltdown over his best friend dying? Where's Kirk needing to be held back by three people because he's so desperate to get to Spock? Where's Scotty saying 'he's dead already' and the life just DRAINING out of Kirk? In STID it's just like "open the door." "can't do that." "yeah okay whatever."

NEXT BIT: Their dying conversation. In WoK Kirk and Spock have known each other most of their lives. They don't need to say much bc they just Understand each otherand you see that! When Kirk is finishing Spock's sentence and when Spock says "I have been and always shall be your friend" which seems a lot more meaningful than STID Kirk and Spock going "I want you to know why I went back for you" "Because you are my friend" and yeah it still HURTS but it's like. They don't have the history they don't have that enduring kinda love they just have a couple of years of being vaguely passive aggressive towards each other and it's still nice for Spock to realise like oh this is friends! This is a friendship! But Kirk's death just doesn't seem as tragic!!!

That being said. There ARE some raw lines there like "I'm scared Spock. Help me not to be. How do you choose not to feel?" "I do not know. Right now I am failing." Like that's IT that's the GOOD SHIT it's been nearly 8 years and I still think about it all the time. And again I can't say much for Chris Pine but Zachary Quinto's acting is MILES ahead of Shatner's and the crying! Spock crying! It's So Much!!!!!!!! And I like the music. I like the long shot of their hands meeting between the glass. It's very cinematic which while missing the campiness of WoK has it's own charm.

I like in WoK when Spock dies and Kirk slumps like he's lost every last bit of energy he had, like he's dying too, however I ALSO very much like in STID when Spock just fucking. Screams. And then goes and runs on a train and beats up Benedict Cumberbatch. I feel like it's fitting that Kirk dying kinda untethers him and lets him just absolutely lose his shit. I love seeing men beat each other up.

This has gone on much too long. Sorry I guess it just turns out I have Thoughts and this is probably barely skimming the surface but it's 9am on a Thursday and I have class in an hour but I've been sitting here rewatching the scenes and typing out this rant. As I said I really don't think I have anything original to say but like. Here ya go babe

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[daydadahlias]

since it was requested let's pull out the big guns

things that deserve compliments:

the way no one can read the first paragraph of something you wrote and simply put it down. no one can do that. or has ever. because you make it too INTERESTING

the way you provide the RIGHT AMOUNT of exposition. not too fast into plot but not tedious or boring

characterization, especially through dialogue and gestures instead of just stating facts (my favorite in s14 was probably the cashton apartment's microwave not fully shutting on its own)

realistic dialogue. some of the most realistic, modern-without-carbon-dating-it, fluent dialogue ever

humor, which REALLY shows through in your writing. especially how different characters have different senses of humor but they're all YOU because you write all of it

the amount of passion and specificity that goes into each thing you write. reading scene 14 anyone would be able to tell that you're knowledgeable about acting and really love it

motifs, extended metaphors, little easter eggs, etc. you have your own inside jokes in your writing. that's top tier my friend

description in general, physical reactions to events/words, not going overboard with the description of characters but repeatedly mentioning/coming back to characteristics that the narrator notices. lots of nice colors

and then obviously (I've said this before) incorporating serious themes into overarchingly lighthearted stories WITHOUT BRINGING THE MOOD DOWN

anyway this is just scratching the surface

I probably should have showered you with this praise AFTer the finale but oh well you deserve it

(Sorry abt no page break; I’m on my phone omw to school)

Number one, Truck Buddy, thank you. In another ask you requested me specify if I either cried or threw my phone across the room. I did neither. I in fact read this, stared into the abyss for a moment, turned my phone off, and went to bed because I could simply no longer process being alive after having read it.

Your compliments are a little too nice and a little too good and I am convinced now that you are an AI specifically designed to know what makes me fall apart because you have been sent by the government to destroy me /j

Now this exposition thing is really nice. Especially because exposition in my writing used to be way overused. I’m not saying do it, but if you read some of my earlier stuff on ao3 under my original psued you’d be like “damn, does this have a point?? They have been talking about windows for a long time. Where is the plot??” Because haha there wasn’t one!! It was just setting description and background info!!!

Pointing out tiny gestures !!! Ahhhh!!!! I usually like—when writing scenes—for every character to have an end purpose in that scene, and they are usually moving around for that end purpose. Ie Michael getting coffee while Luke rants in chapter one, Ashton trying to close the microwave, etc etc. My biggest fear is that a scene is gonna be static so everyone is usually prancing about in one way or another.

THIS COMMENT ON DIALOGUE FUCK ME. Aaaaaaaaaa. This is when I sink into a puddle on the floor. This is such a nice compliment. This is—aaa.

I’m a decently funny person irl (doesn’t come across online I often feel) but I’ve never tried writing anything humorous until the 5sos fandom bc I’ve always been so scared I’m not gonna be funny lmao. And so whenever someone’s like “yeah that’s pretty funny” I lose my shit. It’s my favorite compliment. It makes me go nuts.

Most of my stuff is fairly researched. Not all of it, but it’s always important to me to be able to portray things in an accurate way (or as accurate as I can manage). Being able to talk about theatre acting as been,,, everything. I’m very passionate about my stuff and I’m so happy that comes across.

This Easter eggs thing???? The inside jokes in my own writing??? Is super fucking cool because I sure as hell don’t know what you’re talking about. But you thinking that has made me all sorts of smiley.

Used to go batshit when it came to descriptions. Been really trying to hold back lately. In one of the first books I read, lmao, my girl beta read it. And she pointed out how many goddamn times I stopped mid-action to describe someone in detail. One I remember in specific was when this character was LITERALLY BEING TORTURED. Like the full torture scene I’m not kidding. And she’s talking abt the guy who is torturing her and proceeds to say “I realized then he was quite handsome” and just went off abt him and my girl went “hey Jess. Maybe this is the wrong time” SO YEAH. This is nice to hear.

I am nothing without angst. I’m an angsty little bitch but I’ve been trying (especially with S14) to not make it so overpowering. Life is funny. It isn’t all dramatic revelations and secrets.

Thank you, Truck Buddy, for literally murdering me.

[moonchildhcs]

parkjin headcanons!!

ur honestly both in awe at how ur in a relationship with each other because neither of u give urselves enough credit !!!! u r both sweethearts and visual gods

hyunjin: “wow ur so cute i cant believe ur dating me” parker: “no!! thats me @ u” god: “p l e a s e ur both cute babies and u deserve each other”

i digress

this bb is friends with some clingy ass mofos !!! like daehwi !!! ur getting the hugs u deserve and u will get no complaints from him abt ur affections either because hes just sitting their with you like o//w//o

dont believe this boys dangerous stage presence he is a softie through and through he will get you flowers and chocolates and everything you could possibly imagine !!! angel baby sweetie pie ur pumpy umpy umpkin !!!

he would absolutely love dancing with you !! he loves ur passion and drive to perform and is always willing to practice with u even when hes tired :( bb boy !! hes much nicer than chan tho lol but hes still a pretty strict teacher so expect some dramatic improvement under him

(also whenever you pull off a move properly he gives u a sweet s m o o c h so it encourages you to do even better for more opportunities to kiss ur bf)

bc hes an idol !! yall cant go out publicly for dates all the time so a typical date is yall goofing off at home, watching movies and shows on netflix, a romantic dinner if yall have the energy but generally takeout, blasting music and dancing around, etc etc he just loves being with you

but when its been a while he will absolutely take you out on cute dates!! sometimes cute elaborate picnics, sometimes a spontaneous trip around the city at night, but always without a fail fun and exciting, especially with your boyfie by ur side :^)

also initially he is SO shy with you !! like remember how shy he was around jinyoung ??? during the survival show??? multiply that by a MILLION this boy was so shy he blushed the deepest shade of red just by h*lding ur h*nd !!! he gains more confidence as the relationship progresses but pls be easy on this bb boys heart

also (wiggles eyebrows) yall can have some spicy kisses !! some intense makeout sessions !! but nothing further lol he is a SHY BOY and also very much 18 he is awkward and is not abt that life rn lol

like ur gonna be shocked at the duality because at the beginning of the relationship hes like “c-can i h*ld ur h*nd? and ur like “how did u censor that out loud” but now hes like “makeout with me” and ur like bitch WHAT but also okay lol

this boy is a solid eight inches taller than you lol if you think he wont even lightly tease you about the height difference you are wrong !! ur just chillin and hes like “hey :) hows the weather down there” and ur like “i will END you” and he blows a kiss ur direction and ur like “okay maybe not ur kinda cute. but comment on my height again and u will receive no mercy”

DUDE he is at the perfect height where he can rest his chin on ur head!! and give u forehead kisses !!!! he just loves u so much man !!! sure kissing u on the lips is great and all but kissing ur forehead?? CUTE

also so many of his shirts and hoodies disappeared and he was like ?????????? what !!! and then he saw you just DROWNING in his hoodie because he too loves oversized stuff and hes like. im fine with this (he takes photos and sets them as his home and lockscreen when they arent promoting) (this boy is GOOD at not getting caught)

dude when the Boiis found out u two were dating they LOST IT !!! interrogated then welcomed !! hyunjin was exposed by them a lot lol they exposed ALL the juicy stories and u were like :^)

dont worry tho ya girl laramie exposed u in kind so then hyunjin was like :^)

truly a bonding experience for the both of you

yall are both visual gods so sometimes u both will just. try on even the most ridiculous outfits and have a fashion show in the living room of ur technically shared apartment

yall take photos on ur phones in a super exaggerated manner in order to mimic the paparazzi and photographers and shout encouragements like “YES KING GET THAT BREAD” and “OH YES WORK IT”

willing to nerd out with you at a l l times !!!

oh my god him sleeping over when he can when hes not promoting and u waking up to him spooning u and just. big cuddle hours: activated

soft kisses before jokingly going “u have morning breath” and just the resounding GROAN before he threatens to leave u cold in the bed and ur like no wait-

hes trying to be frugal with his money as he hasnt been an idol for that long but he definitely buys you gifts from time to time when hes reminded of u

“babe i got this red panda plushie for u” (insert parkers unintelligible  shrieking here)

hes not the most jealous boyfriend actually !! he trusts you a lot and is okay with you being friends with whomever u please but sometimes he sees u fangiring over his seniors or smth and hes like >:( im a good performer too love me !!!! pls !! he just wants ur love smooch his cheeks and ull be good

also to get him flustered? peck his cheeks or (gasp) his NOSE he gets so flustered bc its so innocent but so intimate at the same time so he just gets so RED and stutters and ur just like :^) ah how the turn tables

this boy is a ROMANTIC through and through hes not old fashioned but he likes doing cheesy things like opening the door for you, giving you flowers, pulling out the chair for you, etc etc

he just wants to LOOOOOOOOOOVE you !!!!!

he doesnt go for too many pet names but babe and princess are what he leans towards !!

he practices his english on u and u practice ur korean on him (hint, ur better at korean than he is at english)

but he tries so hard and hes so cute !!! his english is so cute!! appreciate this baby pl s

him: “my hands are big so i can hold the world” u: “worm?” him: (holds ur cheeks) u: (choked) “w-worm?”

u guys r so cheesy but its so cute !! he just wants whats best for you

also you guys are no strangers to having deep and highly emotional talks because ur both very empathetic and vulnerable people

youve talked about ur insecurities and so has he!!! uve also both confronted the whole “ur not dating me because of my visuals/because im an idol right” and ur like “um?? no ur a sweetheart and a dedicated boii and performer and-” and then u go on a half hour long rant about all the things u love abt him and hes just like :’) i love you

whenever hes away for one reason or another, esp stuff like tours, he leaves a bunch of his clothes that smell like him so you wont feel as lonely !!! because the sad reality is is that on tours when hes not on stage hes practicing practicing practicing so keeping in touch is kinda hard

but he does his best !! he sends letters and text messages and voice messages and everything !! and when he can he facetimes you !!

we have ALL seen the boys instagram he will take a burst of 10000000 selfies on ur phone, plague u with the “ur icloud storage is almost full” messages, and it takes u 12239632485 years to delete them all (after making sure they are safely backed up into ur google photos)

yall are SO CUTE and take so many couple photos !!! yall are that iconic couple and u generally post these on ur super exclusive finsta but sometimes u sneak in a blurry pic of him on ur main or even a censored pic of him and ur like “do u ever just have the cutest sweetest (and hottest but hush) boyf in the world to flex on the broke bitches who hate u” and hyunjin is like BABE and ur like :^) 

lowkey sometimes u get jealous of jinyoung bc this boii loves and respects him so much and ur like “What Does He Have That I Do Not” and hyunjin is like “a successful career as an idol” and ur like “define successful” and he GASPS

jokesjokes lol yall playfully argue with each other a lot but if any of u go too far its pretty obvious bc u get quieter and he just. emotionally withdraws and u can see it in his eyes and ur both like OH NO BABE i didnt mean to hurt you im sorry !! and ull have a quick convo with multiple apologies and then ur BACK TO BUSINESS

OMG DUDE HOW YALL MET WAS SO CUTE

so basically he was out with !! the boiis at this cute coffee shop that is never crowded so its safe for them to just relax without having seven masks on lol

and the u !! come in with laramie like :( dude school SUCKS and laramie like nods her head intently like yes indeed

and this boy is struck with LOVE like ur . so cute. and tiny. and cute. and ur venting so passionately about how the education system does Not Meet The Needs of students and hes like. her passion. i love it

and u havent noticed him but oh man the boiis have and they are RUTHLESS bc hes so shy but theyre like GIVE HER UR NUMBER COWARD

and after an overwhelming amount of encouragements and some mild bullying (and laramie going to the bathroom because this dumb bitch spilled a lil bit of tea on her shorts and shes LIVID) and this boy approaches u and ur now love stricken

bc hes so CUTE !!! and its clear hes a lil nervous bc hes blushing uwuwuwuwuwuwu but he said !! he really admires ur passion and he thinks ur really cute and hes sorry if this is creepy but could i get ur number and ur like yes. pls. i love you (jokesjokes u dont profess ur love immediately but DAMN were u close to)

u and hyunjin all blushie and excited and the boiis are LOSING it and laramie comes back like “hey fellas whatd i miss-”

anyways yall are THAT power couple who love each other and are super devoted!! and have an amazing time with each other and DAMN ppl say love is dead but clearly they havent met yall

@daffodwlw read this and weep tears of love, coward

[tescodisxo]

hi! im new to the fandom and i was interested in getting to know more abt the boys... would you be so kind and tell me more about jin? like abt his personality etc. i love your blog

hey, thank you!!

urmmmmm, oh gosh, his personality in my opinion is kind of complicated to explain?? he comes off really loud and in your face but, he has times when he’s quite reserved but also there was a thing of him somewhat hiding his personality for a while. but to generalise, i feel like he has one of those personalities that are very uplifting - he gets happy by making others happy (something he said before), he’s very charismatic and 90% of the time he’s probably talking complete nonsense or making puns/jokes/doing something silly just to make people laugh. he’s quite bubbly but he’s kind of shy too?? especially in older bts videos you can see him being really shy he said during wings era that he’s started being more himself now which is good!! he’s very sweet, down to earth and caring, he does lots of small things that are to take care of the members or just be there - a few months ago there were quite a few articles going around about him being a good big brother to the boys and just being caring towards them. he’s hardworking and passionate. he works really hard to improve things about himself work related or not for example, the whole thing with awake being rejected multiple times but he didn’t give up, at all. it sounds weird but i feel like some of the best ways to see his personality is just through eatjins (like the ones with other members because his caring side shows a lot) or the vlive where he chopped his bangs and spoke about doing it to improve his confidence etc. he’s just playful too i guess is a good way to put it, he acts his age when its important to but he also has a lot of fun with the members. hes very loving!!!! he has soooooo much love to give out, during the wings tour he kept doing heart events for army or always saying “army i love you”. he’s overlooked in the fandom but, i feel like once you start to acknowledge him and everything, you begin to love him a lot because he’s charming and as i said, just uplifting. he likes things like mario and hello kitty, he had a pink flip phone for aesthetic purposes, he once took over their twitter posting pictures of alpacas (its a thing with comparing him to one), he tweeted “jinhit” aka him taking over bighit, he does gaming streams with army on his birthday, him ken and sandeul are close friends and there are videos of them playing games or just being together - like once at an award show were they were picking one another up. another way to get to know what his personality is like it through watching some vlives were members have spoken about him, they speak really highly of him and its in a different way to what fans see? to add to the hard working, he is doing his masters! he went to konkuk university (a v good uni), he’s very expressive too sfkbsdj. idk i’m ranting i’m sorry skdfbjs

[transbonmoved]

hey guys its time for me to infodump dekumob shit

rip all the mobile users who probs have to scroll past all this im sorry

their childhoods are polar opposites. deku was powerless & bullied for this, yearning for power & to be a hero. mob was born with power & sees it as nothing but a burden and is afraid of hurting people with his power.

deku puts a lot of value in the power he was granted too while mob wishes he didnt even have his powers at times and can see them as worthless.

deku would be amazed & fascinated by mobs abilities so much. while there would probably be plenty of esper heroes, mob is so damn powerful and i think after seeing mob use some of his power deku would be able to quickly recognize that. deku probably takes notes on esper heroes such as buildup of power and notes how little buildup mob needs to give out a powerful blow.

mob tells deku abt how he loses control sometimes and deku goes on this mumbling rant on how it could happen. no conclusion is ever really made

whenever mob feels self conscious about his quirk, deku is always there to cheer him up, whether it be intentional or deku starts rambling on how useful his quirk is especially if he gets creative on the battlefield or if he wants to become a rescue hero its perfect and oh no hes going on his mumbling tangent again

work out buddies! deku ends up having to pick mob off the ground a lot but he encourages him

deku admires mobs efforts but is also worried over mob accidentally overworking himself

mob probably really admires how much muscle deku already put on which turns deku beat red each time mob compliments it but he sincerely means it, deku

their familes get along well

inko would probably love mob a lot. inko is kind of a very weak telekinesis user so they connect through quirks somewhat & inko would be so happy that deku found such a nice & caring person

ritsu & deku also get along super well. their conversations will range from small talk to really detailed discourse

ritsu is somewhat surprised when mob tells him deku is his bf but is also kind of relieved that mob would end up with such a good guy. of course it takes a while to really trust deku but ritsu never has too many doubts on him

kageyamas will invite deku to dinner & inko will invite mob to dinner sometimes

when ua gets dorms it seems like every other day mob is investigating some kind of haunting rumor. theyre rarely ever true and sometimes deku tags along out of curiosity of how mobs after school job may be like.

deku does eventually meet reigen, and really isnt quite sure what to make of the guy. he finds it odd how he is so insistent that yes, i have a quirk, what are you talking about kid, have you not heard of me??

mob lets deku info dump hero stuff whenever he wants. he doesnt understand most of the stuff but he always loves seeing deku get so passionate abt the things he loves.

he also tries reading some of dekus notebooks when offered and its just him going “lots of words i dont understand” again

at some point mob just starts shoving spare napkins in his pocket for whenever deku needs them. you could say its routine for mob to hand deku a napkin while deku lets out a “thanks” through tears

it worries mob each time though, even if to others it may be obvious happy tears mob always checks to see if deku is ok

speaking of emotions, this is another huge contrast between them. deku is very emotional and isnt afraid to cry in front of people, but can also shut off his emotions in serious times. mob on the other hand has trouble with his emotions and finds trouble expressing what emotions he is in touch with unless its a full blown breakdown. mob is more inclined to burst in situations while deku can remain cool headed.

also, theres probably going to be a time where deku has to calm mob down after hitting a (negative) 100%. with already mentioning mob bringing napkins i think comforting & supporting each other would be a huge thing in their relationship.

but also consider deku causing mob to hit 100% love at some point

deku always feels his stomach churn when mob says he “cant do anything without his powers”. deku probably would acknowledge just how intelligent mob can actually be on his own, especially when dismantling others bad behavior

he sees that first hand where, at first mob was scared of bakugou, but that anxiety quickly turned to irritation when learning about what bakugou has done to deku and what hes witnessed bakugou say about others. of course sometime this leads to an inevitable “why do you put others down?” confrontation

whether mob intentionally did it or not hes able to hit bakugou right where it counts just like he did with teru. and deku is really grateful and looks up to mob to be able to stand up to bakugou like that. and thank god for mobs barrier, or else there probably wouldve been a full blown fight.

thats another thing i think would be big with them, genuine admiration for each other.

fuck man they just love each other a lot

if we’re really smushing canon together, i think mobs experience with mogami would really make him realize just how much deku went through as a kid. 

he probably would end up despising bakugou more due to it

they go to pride together!!!

they like taking naps together after stressful days

it takes a while for them to have their first actual kiss bc they are both flustered all the time. mobs probably the one who tries making a move though.

deku helps mob study after learning just how bad mobs grades are. it doesnt really help but mob appreciates dekus help nonetheless.

their respected friend groups get along well!

mob & iida & uraraka have no problem getting along at all. iida would probably like how close to rules mob sticks too, and uraraka would just appreciate mobs company in general. theyre floaty friends.

deku & teru get along fairly well. dekus eyes nearly bulge out of his head when learning how teru & mob met though, and how teru was a lot like bakugou at one point but is now changing for the better.

deku is blown away by the body improvement club and really has a hard time believing these kids are actually his age

they may be workout buddies but they also try to quirk train together, since they both need to try to control their powers better

hey will both post & send each other i love my bf memes

they also text each other late a night a lot. sometimes just small chat about how their day went or comfort if one is feeling bad for whatever reason

mob always gets super worried about deku when he ends up breaking bones due to his quirk

ends up giving lectures n stuff about how he needs to be more careful and how he should care more abt his well being 

THATS ANOTHER contrast mobs afraid of hurting others with his quirk while deku hurts himself with his quirk

mob saves up money from his job to get deku surprise presents n stuff

this is all i have...............for now

[cheswirls]

i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine. 

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i  have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow. 

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now. 

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno. 

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey. 

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

[richardgoranski]

wait are you actually angery im sorry

No, not really ajhdjsskh i just get very passionate abt things which is why i make a lot of ranty posts like that haha my bpd makes me have Big Feelings so i rant abt them on tumblr dot com

[wearethegladiators]

this rant was a fail but i am still going strong

few things i wanted to say include:

WHY IS IT ALWAYS 7 YEARS

why is everyone so serious this is SAD

ok kids, so today we’ll be ranting about......... *crowd cheering* YES, WYNONA!! (why. am. i. like. this. j’ai des pics d’excitation d’enfants de 3 ans ptn)

(if you’re asking “is this the new wynona?” hm. HM. i mean............)

(the hairstyle. the outfit. the environment. WE STAN.) i’m not entirely convinced by older!raven as incendio3!wynona. but i guess WE’LL SEE, that’s not the focal point.

the important thing to remember about wyn (bc it’s tragic and we all love a good drama) is that she didn’t want to be part of this war. she didn’t want to fight. she was neutral with even a possible tendency to work with the deatheaters to protect her family. it’s always been family first with the blackbirds.

now, what happened to wynona during the war?

well she did surprisingly good for a while. she joined the rebellion “temporarily” (mdr) to help rescue sacha. and.... caught up by her wish to make the world a better place + the need to stay close to sacha + the whole edan storyline + (eurm) (nathan)...... she pretty much got stuck/stuck herself.

she’s a warrior, she’s spirited, she’s hella smart and has an impressive réseau (always thought she may have coerced kyran into giving her plans of the ministry, and then would have proceeded to show up to the rebellion with those - allowing them to attack). so she’d be a valuable element, and she’d fit in well i guess? she’s a bit of the stereotype of the rebel imo. and she would def like it even though she wouldn’t say it.

she’d go back and forth between the domain and the headquarters of the rebellion. becoming good friends with carmen i guess? (i also love to fantasize about a weirdass friendship between carmen and lily. started from rivalry to mutual respect/companionship. ofc this would be more complicated now but... WAIT WHAT IF CARMEN BECOMES SORT OF A MEDIATOR BETWEEN NATHAN AND LILY??? i’m sorry. i’ll go back to this later hihi)

WYNONA. she got involved gradually, taking part in fights and bigger events involving explosions :’))

BUT

on one of those missions, one day, she’d be super badly injured. it would happen during a sort of “7 potters” thing? like she’d be flying on a broom (DRAGON) and she’d get hit by a deatheater. fell pretty hard, lost one (or both) of her legs.

(i like how i’m illustrating this like it’s some kind of nice little story)

wynona always had two nightmares throughout her life: losing a kid and losing her legs.

she’s an athlete. she hungs out with athletes. she’s a duellist. she has a super physical job which includes taking care and controlling among the deadliest magical creatures out there. she’s a “mother” of 8. she’s a control-freak that FREAKING hates relying on someone else. she is passionate about flying. and now what?? she can’t do any of these things without her leg(s). it’s like her whole life is losing purpose.

you sad already?

well she certainly is. more than that - she’s destroyed by it. she can’t see why she should keep on living (remember that wynona is a very utilitarian character - if she has no purpose/utility then she’s just as good as dead in her opinion).

so that’s depression, edgy behavior, pushing away the people she loves (sorry sachou :’()

btw, about her relationship with nathan: well, some stuff happened. to what extent is a good question. i’m pretty confident she’d have developed actual feelings for him by now (but would never say it ofc mdr). anyway, he’d be important in that moment.

wynona is an engineer. she was working on two PHDs AT THE SAME TIME before she got involved with the rebellion. ofc she’d be trying to build something to get better, even if magic can’t save her, even if she’s so damn low. i could see nathan helping her with that? eventually they’d find something that’d help her gain some mobility back. she’d be BEYOND excited. way too much tbh.

(also i have this absolute headcanon that - ELO PLS SAY YES - nathan is helping her with the kids too)

(i actually have a way too precise scene in mind. one night, wynona is working on her thesis at the rebellion’s headquarters. nathan walks by and sees DRAGOOOONS. she ends up explain she’s doing her thesis in magizoologie bc she wants more dragons for her domain. he’s excited. she eventually brings him to the domain. he sees dragons and is beyond excited. byeeeee c’est tout pour moi)

ANYWAY

she’d insist on going back to the battlefield. quickly. too quickly. would be upset because people are overprotecting her because of her legs; could get captured or something but that wouldn’t last.

THE BIG DRAMA IS YET TO COME

hmhm. here we are.

remember wynona’s worst nightmares? hmhm.

with wynona being more and more involved in the rebellion, she may have rapatrié the kids from hogwarts. they may be living permanently at the domain, or coming once in a while at the rebellion’s headsquarters. anyway, they would have been in touch with the rebels

and one of the kids (i don’t know which one yet) would manage to make it to the battlefield. guess what? ofc he/she gets killed. and wyn cannot do anything because of her leg

here we areeee, she just reached her personal hell

remember the blackbird dynamic of “blood must have blood”, “there’s honor in revenge”, “revenge and justice are the same thing”, “judge, jury, executioner” and so on and so forth?

she’d track down the murderers. show up to their houses to kill them. she had a plan: torture and kill the parents. she didn’t plan on hurting children. wynona is the Biggest Savior of Child™ there is. except that.... she would??? she’s beyond fucked-up at that point. so yeah, she slaughters the children as well.

i have pictured multiple times in my mind her coming back to the QG covered in blood and everyone going silent. everyone knowing.

she would go to nathan but even he couldn’t forgive her ofc?? their bond would be broken because he can’t understand, he can’t forgive (i guess??? or is it just me wanting angst??)

i don’t even know if she’d be able to maintain a relationship with carmen. like this is some kind of terrible violence right here

so i guess she’d be marginalized/ejected from the rebellion. she’d go on a personal vendetta for a while, not being able to stop the killing spree, before joining a rogue/extremist movement. totallyyyyy fucked-up.

and this is pretty much what would have happened up until the end of the virus: rogue!wynona, with still some distant connections to some people (sacha, nathan, lily...? helping her with the kids. i mean, she can’t make it without them hihi)

btw, i’m working on the relationship between wynona and lily. as odd as it can sound, i think lily could understand. especially now. they’d still have a connection, maybe stronger now. like i can see lily calling wynona when burning the bodies of her family and having a breakdown. alright now i’m excited abt it

after the virus: wyn is getting tired of this shit just like everyone else. she’s feeling f*cking guilty bc YES SHE HAS FEELINGS TOO

i mean, she pretty much did all this horror for love, for her kids

and she’s lonelier than ever. wynona isn’t into loneliness. she likes being alone when chosen, or being surrounded by her creatures, or being independent. but not freaking loneliness.

btw: she’d only be calm/soft around her creatures. yeah. and potentially her kids, but even that would be hard. the kids would be scared of her and this would break her even more

edan coming back would be a HUGE gamechanger. she’d rush to sacha of course. having someone to support and coming back to this old role of “good protector” would give her old vibes. that’s the opening of her resilience arc

i really really really want a resilience arc for wynona. she’s done horrible, unspeakable things and now she will always be about fire and destruction and blood. but she’s not a bad person. she deserved better.

doesn’t mean she will be a hero, especially if she ends up snapping on edan

this would be the trigger that she went too far and that she’s got to stop

she’d go back to the rebellion

try to let go of her “murder” and “absolute chaos” habits

reconnect with nathan?? that would be very very very important for her. if he can forgive her then maybe she can forgive herself and move forward

she was only a mother who wanted to save the world. she’ll be forever haunted by what she did. she deserves B E T T E R

also this may be interesting to work on her relationship with carmen, esp. since they both went down a rogue path

also i’m so happy about sacha having his dragon !!!!! jealous too tho cause i wish wynona could have one and ride it :’(

“question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monstrous?

you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing. you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.

you wipe the blood from her hands. you say her name, over and over, like an absolution.

you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.”

alright that’s all for me kiddos!! let me now cry tears of despair over my tragic babies, thanks. i’ll be back for a small thread about the environnement and lily/nathan relationship?? (ANGST there will be) love u elo :’)

[georgeluz]

Congrats on 900! if u r still doing the ask game can i request The Pacific (blurb) + BoB! face tag is /tagged/my-face + about page is /about INFJ, passionate abt journalism + truth. idealistic but realistic. compassionate but wont take any shit. i h8 disingenuous situations. integrity is v important to me. in a constant battle between my anxiety + doing what i think is right. v serious but i have a dry humor + swear like a sailor. have an adventurous spirit. just want to make a difference. thx!

NO MORE ASK GAME REQUESTS PLSNTHNX.

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. ???? RIP IN PIECES. I have so much going on I swear aeoghajdfjgr. Anyway. Thanks for the ask, you got it!

The Character I See You As: Joe Toye! I love this kid so much. I’ve read a lot about him, about how he could be super serious and dry-humored and even scary sometimes, but how he also was very protective of his boys and the replacements. I feel like someone wrote in a book that one of the guys was being threatened and Toye literally picked up the dude doing the threatening and was like “never do that again” and juST SET HIM BACK DOWN and made sure the other guy was ok. Also, again, someone talked about how he was insecure about how he never graduated high school because he knew he was smart, but he was limited by his lack of education and HNNG JOE TOYE. SO PURE.

Your Three Best Friends: Bull Randleman, Carwood Lipton, Bill Guarnere

The One You Don’t Get Along With: Sobel. I avoided putting him as anyone’s just because it’s way too easy, but honestly I feel like he (and Dike) represent a real issue for INFJs–authority they can’t respect. And it’s not that you won’t respect them anyway, but rather it’s the helplessness of knowing that for duty’s sake you must respect them, but also knowing they’re a fucking idiot and you could do better given the chance. Like honestly it’s the worst of the worst and especially difficult for INFJs, who end up feeling strained and frustrated and bogged down by ineffective direction like Sobel, etc.

Who I Ship You With: Carwood Lipton! Gentle, patient, sweet, super smart, good under pressure, I literally almost can’t think of anyone better. Like fire and ice, tbh. Lip would be there while you rant about something, whether it be about justice, your anxiety, someone annoying you, etc. He’s the gentle voice of reason, trying to steer you in the right direction while also listening to you complain about what you need to in order to move on.

Wildcard: Staff Sergeant. 3rd Platoon. Easy Company.

————————-

The Character I See You As: Bob Leckie/Hoosier Smith! ARE YOU LECKIE? ARE YOU HOOSIER? Journalism, idealistic but realistic, adventurous, serious, but super dry sense of humor. Anxious but still does what’s right even tho he’s internally screaming 24/7?? This is Leckie and Hoosier at the same time I feel like. This is also you I SWEAR. I mean I think in the show Leckie might get a little dramatic compared to you (though who am I to say?), whereas Hoosier has the overall salt but the COMPOSURE. But of course Leckie has the balanceof the idealism/realism and the love of journalism and adventure (whereas Hoosier just wants to sleep tbh and be left alone).

Your Three Best Friends: R.V. Burgin, Eugene Sledge, Ack-Ack Haldane

The One You Don’t Get Along With: EVERYONE. Just kidding. Just people who STEAL YOUR SHIT (looking at u larkin god). Disingenuous people, I know that goes without saying (you even said that), but yeah. Maybe Snafu since he’s a little off his rocker and almost nothing like you. 

Who I Ship You With: Chuckler Jeurgens. If this ain’t the realest….- Chuckler and Leckie are like mom and dad. So it would basically be the same for you two. Chuckler has a good sense of humor, is incredibly patient with everyone (despite the circumstances), always finds a reason to smile and goof around and boost morale. Whenever you’re anxious or despairing, all you have to do is crawl over to his bunk and lean your head against his bed and he’ll talk you out of it, talk to you about real world stuff, debate with you, anything to get your mind off things. He’s so pure….. I JUST.

Wildcard: Private. 1st Marine Regiment. Radioman.

Lil Blurb: You woke up in the aid station after Peleliu in a fit of sweat, cursing up a storm at the sudden chill. You realized you’d thrown off your blanket and sheets in the nightmare you assume you must have been having and reluctantly crawl out of bed, groaning as pain shoots up your spine like lightning. A mortar hit right behind you, sending you flying to the ground. That was one of the last things you vividly could recall before that that very moment, struggling to drag your blankets back into bed with you. Without another thought you crawl back into the cot, rolling onto your stomach, lulled into slumber once again.

The next time you’re awoken, the nurse is telling you that you’re being transferred to go home. You don’t know how long or how hard you’ve been sleeping. You’re groggy, muttering a few obscenities under your breath as you’re forced to change, gather your things, and join a host of other injured men (and a few women like yourself) to be sent back to the states. Your intestines seemed to twist at the thought, leaving behind the other marines. You felt almost guilty, wringing your hands. Hoosier, Leckie, Runner, and finally Chuckler. You were the last to fall. You had no idea where they were, where anyone was. You just knew you were alive.

You were transferred to San Diego hospital. It was the nicest facility you’d been in in probably a year, but that wasn’t reassuring. The white walls. The pristine decor–none of it felt right. It was all uncomfortable, oddly surreal after what you’d been through. You didn’t want to take it in. You just wanted to sleep until the wounds on your back turned into scars. The place in your shoulder where you were shot? That too. You’d almost forgotten about that, but it had happened so long ago, on Guadalcanal. 

After getting out of the wheelchair and stubbornly hobbling toward the woman’s ward (much to the nurse’s horror), a familiar voice called out to you from behind.

“Y/N?”

You stopped, shaking the grogginess from your head. You felt like you hadn’t escaped that feeling, the out-of-body, surreal feeling until that voice hit you like a brick wall, yanking you back into battle, into the memories suppressed.

“Lew?” You spin around on your heels. He’s still all height, hunched over slightly in pain; he couldn’t have been up long. Chuckler is one big crooked grin too big for him, ears too big for him, feet too big for him. He was barefoot, ridiculous as it was. You found him completely endearing. Two long weeks apart and all you wanted to do was throw yourself into his arms. He had done right by you, taken care of you, sacrificed for you.

“Holy shit, Y/N, I thought you were still in the Pacific.” Incredulous, he started forward, stretching out his hands to drag you into his chest. You didn’t resist (despite your aversion to public displays of affection), but leaned forward, burying your face into his hospital gown, gripping the fabric in your fists. 

“Jesus, fuck, Lew–Chuckler, I thought you were dead, god. No one told me anything.” You didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so you did both, finally releasing the gown and wrapping your arms around his waist. His nose was in your hair, eyes closed, waiting until he was sure you were done talking before he responded.

“Hey, hey now, we’re all good. Leckie and Hoosier too, we’re all fine, it’s all fine,” he soothed, dragging his fingers across your back. “Wanna go see them?”

You sniff, cursing yourself for crying on his shoulder. You left stains. Jesus, Hoosier would take one look and know for sure. You would catch hell for that. Wiping your nose and looking back at the nurse, who appeared disapproving (moved, but disapproving), you nodded your head. “Hell yeah, I need to yell at the two of them for leaving before I could say bye.”

Chuckler reached down pressed his hand into the small of your back, pushing you forward in the right direction. “C’mon then, Y/N, you have a lot of yelling to do.”

“Damn right, Chuckler.”