#sorry i went off on a ramble

[fabcreature]

11 and 21 for the ask game? (also oooh, werewolf story!)

thanks for the ask! and yes, i've found that i think werewolves are actually pretty cool, though i prefer them in a medieval fantasy setting, rather than the pretty common urban setting

11. Something you want to do again next year?

i've got two answers to this, one that's a proper answer but not that exciting, and one that's half an answer but more exciting. firstly, i really hope i can perform more next year, playing music, especially together with other people. i haven't gotten to do that in such a long time, bc of covid and growing out of my old choir, and recently when i was performing some christmas songs with a small group i realized how much i missed performing and playing music together with other people.

the other thing is that.. i wanna go to a night club again next year, except not really. i went to a night club for the first time in my life this year (and also for the first time in my life saw a metal gig - both in one go), and while i'm not like super into going to a night club again, i'm really happy about how positive the experience was, and i feel like if i had a reason to go, i could go again! it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be! if you wanna twist this into a proper answer to the question, maybe you could say that next year i wanna try to get out of my comfort zone again, bc that's what i did going to that club and i'm so happy with myself for doing that

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

this is actually a very recent thing, but it's one that i'm really happy about, and that's a new electric piano! my old one didn't have weighted keys, and was shorter, so i didn't really like playing it and honestly it was just gathering up dust, but with recommendations from my teacher i just got myself a new proper electric piano! it feels sooo much better to play, and during the weekend i also got myself a drum stool (my piano teacher also recommended this, bc the height adjustment is good and they're easier to carry around than piano stools), so now i've been playing the piano a lot more as i can get the proper feel and my playing position is much better

[buggachat]

To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao

and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?

I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED

and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?

And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.

Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all

anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?

like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it

Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)

Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.

But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this

Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.

And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).

Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.

Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.

The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.

The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.

But.........

I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.

In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.

And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.

What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.

Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.

As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.

And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.

Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.

And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....

..... it's Marinette's lie.

............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.

I'm

!!?!?!?!

This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.

Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.

THAT'S. WILD!!!

also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.

And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.

And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.

I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.

I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.

But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.

In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.

And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)

But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES

[samarecharm]

I wish the thieves had SOME kind of reaction to the Satanael awakening. Kinda wish we at least had RYUJI react to it….

I think its sooooo compelling to have Ryuji be the only person to witness BOTH awakenings; to see how much Akira and his will has grown since they first met. There was a raw, burning fury in Akiras core that recoiled at the injustice before him, and when given the tools to punish said injustice, eagerly accepted it with a wild, almost manic kind of intensity. I think it would be difficult for the others to truly grasp just how scary that was; that for a short moment, Ryuji couldnt pinpoint the cause of that rage, and the target of it. Akiras mellowed out alot since then, but its always in the back of Ryujis head; theres a side of their leader literally none of the thieves have or will ever see, and he doesnt really know how hes supposed to feel about that.

And now the airs charged in the same way he felt back in Kamoshidas palace; right as Akiras eyes widened at seeing him slammed against the wall. The blazing, untamed ferocity in his eyes from back then is replaced with a cool, calm, steely conviction. He knows his purpose; understands completely what his will screamed at him to understand back when it first started. This is the Akira the team knows, and its definitely the one Ryuji is used to now, but its insane to see the shift; insane to see the kind of power that simmered in Akiras core, literally too big and too overwhelming for past Akira to grapple with and set free.

Satanael comes down, and theres a moment, through all the excited screaming and hollering, where Ryuji can see it look right at him, and Ryuji is taken back to the floor of Kamoshidas Palace; not to the fear he felt when Arsene came forth incinerating everything, but immediately after, when Akira comes to with wide eyes and an outstretched hand- that bizarre feeling of safety, of knowing that this kid would have his back, and that hed never have to worry about where his place would be (its right beside him, obviously.)

[crazymecjc]

✨daniil dankovsky’s fun steppe vacation✨

[tariah23]

aisjsjjensnJAJAJ

[robinfollies]

me and the guy i pulled by accidentally implying i like jazz music

[tiredtaffy]

obsessed with him. i’ll explain why i make him like this under the read more. this WILL be long so uh get ready for that. there WILL BE SPOILERS FOR KITTEN BURST UNDER. if you aren’t okay with that do not click.

okay so i have a lot of thoughts about kitten burst (it is a good game go play it NOW if you haven’t >:D) but my friends @buginyourcomputer and @larachnae watched me stream it and when hugo came up i voiced him like i did most of the others.

however during his speech i made him such a soggy, pathetic man. voice cracking as he mentions how he’s learning perspective transitions and asking m0lly how many peopled liked his speech and asking how many views he has, near tears. just a complete and utter clown. we thought the bit was fucking hilarious so we continued with it but. the sogginess seems to be supported by his character.

look at these lines and TELL ME that DOESN’T radiate sogginess.

hugo has more lines that are like pathetic as fuck but i’m not willing to go through the whole thing again to get the screenshots. he’s so beloved to me though. whines at you that he’ll kick you if you disrespect his dogecoin (i mean hapicoin) again. he’s being an awful person in the time you see him but in the ending where you merge the planes he changes for the better. he can BE a good person and i wish we could see that side of him. the bitterness he must have felt the whole time, the same way del and eclips and 0rator and literally EVERYONE felt, and causing the most damage must have led to such guilt. not knowing where hapi is, the cat that changed his and everyone else’s lives, never being able to truly apologize. trying to reconnect with all of shiver or at least canonically s4br afterwards. he extended his reach and felt sorry enough that s4br of all people believed he changed. i think of him a lot outside of my “haha soggy. sogged up cryptobro. with your stupid fucking segway.” jokes. all that said here is soggy wet cat hugo.

[robotsafari]

redrawing my favorite gba chain of memories scenes with my own interpretations part 1(?):

“You’re thinking about me… You’re afraid of the darkness I command.”

[llondonfog]

let's make no mistake about it, i genuinely find lilia one of the most fascinating characters in twst— a 700 yr old fae who spent centuries as the most revered general of briar valley, confidant to the royal family, did an about-turn to fatherhood immediately upon finding an abandoned baby and now romps around a school campus with said son and the heir apparent to the draconia family pretending to be 680 years younger than he actually is???? fucking insane.

we know absolutely nothing about his own personal life; no immediate family to speak of (besides his adopted son), and we can safely assume they're no longer among the living. we have no idea what his own childhood was like, but i think we can extrapolate by the way that he initially raised silver that it wasn't conventional. were tensions always so high between fae and humans, did lilia simply grow up in a time where war was a common occurrence, that to serve in the briar valley army was the obvious path to take? we can only gather bits and pieces about his previous lifestyle from his card lines, and it would seem that his life prior to silver was a harsh one, with little to no time for personal amusement or exploration of interests.

and one doesn't just become a renown general fitting for the history books by simply leading an army for so many years— it's clear that he was so very good at it. did he too share the fae consensus that humans were not to be trusted, and if so, at what point did that begin to change? was it truly raising silver that altered his perspective? and more to that point, can we assume that he was truly looking for the boy as his new card title suggests? and if so, why? was it for silver's unique magic, did he really come from royalty, was he considered a threat to the draconias? does any of this have to do with the disappearance of malleus' parents so many centuries prior??

i'm so torn between the idea of lilia being instructed to find and raise silver for some greater purpose and over time, realizing how much he's grown to care and love the child, versus the idea of somehow this little baby being enough to give the fierce general pause, to take him in as his own. i also wonder if lilia even proclaimed himself as silver's father to begin with, or if that's simply a title silver gave him on his own and only then did the ramifications of what he meant to the boy truly sink in. it must have been such a shock, the realization that a human could look up at him with such pure love and think of him as a father— for what does he know of rearing a child, and a human one at that? lilia himself even admits this at countless points, and the more we learn of silver's childhood, the more clear it becomes that while the mutual affection is truly there, the understanding of how to properly care for another being of any kind is clearly lacking.

which is understandable when we think of lilia's past experiences— he was simply a guardian, a 'bodyguard' to an extent to malleus, and someone who intervened to provide the kind of life lessons and guidance that an absent father figure could no longer give. but he did not raise the prince, nor was he responsible for caring for him daily. if what we know so far is to be believed, there was little to no time of lilia's role as a general to his departure and caring for silver. for once in his life, he gets to taste the unfettered freedom of no longer shouldering the weight of a nation's protection, and to be frank, goes a little mad with it. it makes sense why he was cavorting around the world while leaving silver at home, he simply never got to enjoy these freedoms before and perhaps selfishly took advantage of that fact while neglecting the ramifications of leaving a child to care for itself (especially one with a narcoleptic condition).

(and even now he kind of seeks that familiar comfort of warfare— we see him gaming as a kind of warlord with idia, which makes sense that he was unable to fully part with that portion of his identity if it truly made up his entire persona for nearly 600 years.)

anyways all this to say that i have no doubt that lilia truly cares for silver. but i think there's something to be said for fae emotional differences, and that he massively underestimates or doesn't know how to acknowledge that silver loves him before even himself. that the things he does to his family (re halloween, his departure party) are ignorantly cruel at best. at the same time, how could you blame him? as a general and being accustomed to loss of life, what is the use of a long, drawn out goodbye? and to have spent the majority of his life in such a mindset, it's understandable, even if reprehensible, to apply this logic to silver, malleus, and sebek. on the flip side, how utterly fascinating how lilia seems to be fooling himself with these forced and abrupt goodbyes— he admits it himself that he fears becoming weak before his family, that vulnerability so at odds with the kind of power and strength he wielded for years.

i have absolutely no idea what the next part of ch7 will bring us, but i really cannot wait to explore more of lilia in his general years, at the height of his glory. and i really do hope that we get the truth of what we all know— his happiest dream, his sweetest memory, being that of when he found silver at last. how fitting would that be, especially for silver who had wept miserably to malleus about his failures to lilia as his son. how fitting to know that lilia does not see him in that way, that his happiest moment that he would choose to relive and dream is the one where he gathers up silver in his arms, and inevitably sets in motion his course to become his father.

[charmre]

Thank my father before me His mother before him Who would I be without you, without them?

[obeetlebeetle]

when is honor not honorable? when it is prescribed by a system of nobility that perpetuates itself through the destruction of its subjects. 

rue watched hob sit there bleeding, arrows in his back, waiting until they nearly pierced his lung to remove them -- all for the honor of the goblin court. for the courts. for the system that stole rue as a child and twisted them into a pleasing shape, a desired doll. for the system that has used hob’s body on the field of battle and rue’s body in the field of politics to the benefit of the system, not the bodies being used.

rue spent every interaction with hob this episode saying, Are you okay? Are you hurt? Does anything about your life of service actually make you happy? Are you ever happy? Will you ever let yourself be happy? I hope you will. I hope you find happiness. I wish it was with me.

and then at the very end hob goes, I was miserable until you held me.

hes finally able to say it but the issue is, rue never needed to be told that hob loves them. they clocked it. they know he wants them. so finally learning how hob feels, that doesn’t change anything. what they were really saying is, Can you admit that service makes you unhappy? Are you capable of prioritizing desire? I am offering you devotion.

as long as hob pursues honor as prescribed by the court system, as long as he plays the political game, he can never love anyone. least of all rue; rue who has been so damaged by their obligation to the court of wonder for so long. rue who has chosen to use all their power to dissolve political bonds and facilitate emotional ones, at the hope of destabilizing the system. rue who has finally revealed themselves as both a monster and a dissident, prompted by their love for hob, in a show of force -- they are finally rebelling, openly, against the court and the system that tried to cannibalize them. and they’re watching as hob commits himself more deeply to the goblin court, putting his body in their hands for both battle and marriage.

rue tries tirelessly to get hob to answer this question. You are unhappy; what is it for? Tell me so I can understand. and hob’s response is, I choose to be unhappy because otherwise I would be wrong. 

his defense of the court system is that it tells him what to do. he believes himself to be so fundamentally incorrect that his wants, desires, and instincts cannot guide him -- the only way to be a good man is to serve something greater than himself. this belief, as we can see in his conversations with boil and blemish, has been reinforced through scorn and humiliation. 

hob says, I choose this unhappy life because it is right to serve. I know that it is right to serve because those in power tell me what is right. I know I am wrong because they tell me I am wrong.

upon learning that rue dissolved the marriage between apollo and grabalba, the thing that hurts him the most is the feeling of being used by rue. of being taken for a fool and manipulated in a political game, of falling in love with someone that doesn’t care about him. but even as this misinterpretation wounds him, he tries to defend his service to the goblin court.

and all rue ever wanted was to show him that his life of service is just a matter of being used, being taken, loving those who do not love you but only what you do for them. they wanted him to see that the pain he feels at the perception of  being manipulated by rue is a pain he has felt at the hands of the court system for far longer than they have known each other. 

hob’s real answer can be found in both what he has said and what he’s unwilling to say. For what? Nothing. Not even love. so rue offers hob what the court system has always denied him.

honor, service, obligation, duty -- everything hob has hinged his identity on and everything he ever believed to be good, to make him good -- are tools, not ideals. the court system designed fealty so that it would be easier to exploit people like hob and rue, people that feel like monsters, people who are empty and need to be filled. rue sees that hob believes himself to be a monster, and they aren’t asking him to change that. they know that monsters will always know themselves to be monsters. instead, they are trying to convince hob that being good is not what he thinks it is, when it’s being defined by the court system.

when is a monster not a monster? when you love it. when what is monstrous is worth loving. in their last attempt to wrest hob from the court system, rue tells him they love him, and in the same breath they tell him that love and honor are not the same. rue tells him that they are a monster. that in seeing him, they finally realized that being monstrous isn't being damaged; the damage comes from elsewhere. so they ask him to see them outside the moral structure that has been imposed on him and that he imposes on all others. they ask him to see the ways in which that structure and the system that created it have wounded them for being monstrous.

in doing so, hob would have to acknowledge his own wounds. he would have to acknowledge that he has been wounded for a very long time. that is what he has been resisting; if at any point he had acknowledged his wounds, he would have needed to care for them, and hob is not equipped to care for himself. care is not something afforded via lines of support in the court system; care was never part of the conversation. but when rue speaks of love, and divests it of honor, they offer, instead, care.

this is a love story.

[mint-termsandconditions]

Free Rope MF

Rope MF is in the Kirby games, not clickbait?!?

Portrait and not dialogue:

Rope MF info-dumping about ropes (you can’t escape):

ONE LAST THING!

Thanks you guys for existing and deciding to follow for some reason!

Don’t worry I’ll make a more official thank you post later

Spoilers: Y’all gonna be hit with the neutral energy beam

Here’s the to sites I stole the rope information from:

Other site

[wayfinderships]

Oh boy! :D I can't wait to look through my f/os tag!

-1 HP

-1 HP

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[saym0-0]

one (1) joelish bean

i never finished the wings bc they r evil 2 me but here u go

ignore the fact that its on the same canvas as a jonny drawing lol

[jujutsustraycats]

He’s such a fine man

AND HE FINALLY HAS A MERCH 🥹

DJDJSKSJSKAJDKSKA

I saw the full version of it and he kinda looks like a detective in his outfit

I mean he shares a VA with one so–

[boysborntodie]

do you think ponyboy stayed gold?

This is such a good question, thank you for asking, like I think about this all the time.

Short answer, yes.

Long answer;

Nature’s First Green is Gold: Ponyboy at the start

In the context of the poem, it ‘to be gold’ is to be pure and uncorrupted as all things are in the beginning. Yet life and time leaves changes and leaves marks on all things. Pony starts off the poem as pure and untainted, gold like the sun. Even the first line gives a subtle reference about this:

Cherry sums Pony (at the start) up best here;

It’s not fair to say Pony has gone through suffering at this point because he very much has. His parents have died, he’s often in danger because of the Socs, he has problems with Darry, he sees the suffering of his friends and knows he can’t do anything about him and the injustice of it hurts him. And he’s 14 which is rough enough without dealing with all that.

But he’s ‘not dirty’ (dirty having a double meaning here). He hasn’t been ‘tainted or corrupted’ by life yet, instead having played a passive role throughout all these events. He’s gold. But of course, nothing gold can stay.

Nothing Gold Can Stay: Ponyboy throughout the novel

The Outsiders is a coming-of-age story. It’s the story about Pony transitioning from a boy to a man. It’s about identity and belonging (the song ‘Great Expectations’ from the musical following this theme). It’s about figuring out who you are and where you fit in, which Pony especially struggles with because he’s a greaser and greasers get the short end of the stick in life. It’s about a boy is even an outsider among outsiders (as @obliqueletterkennyreference pointed out to me during one of our conversations), because he can’t fit into the standards that have been places upon greasers (he’s both heavily embedded in greaser culture yet not greaser enough. It’s about Pony realising that the status quo hurts young kids and turns them into byproducts of a system that dooms them to either perpetuate the system or succumb to it.

Throughout the novel, Johnny and Dally symbolise the two paths Pony can take; to ‘stay gold’ or ‘get tough’. And it is only after they both die is Pony forced to choose between them both.

It really seems that Pony decides that it’s better to get tough. You can’t stay soft and good, because it means you’re keeping yourself open to hurt. It means you end up like Johnny, dying too young. The world is unfair and kills off those who are good and keeps those who aren’t alive. Thus, there must be no point to being good.

And yet, Ponyboy picks up the glass so it won’t hurt anyone. He decides that the only reason someone should ever use violence is in self-defence and that Johnny is right to reject violence. He becomes more understanding towards others like Randy, Bob and Darry.

And when he reads Johnny’s letter, he realises how prevalent the issue of this systemic abuse, violence and oppression is and how it hurts all those involved and that it cannot be left as it is (i kinda talk about this here). Not only does he reject this but he takes an active role, different from all the other characters who recognise these issues yet accept them as a part of life and never challenge it, by writing the Outsiders.

And thus he decides to

Holding onto the Hardest Hue: Will Ponyboy Stay Gold?

‘Staying Gold’ basically means for Pony to stay soft and true to himself, to not close himself from the world’s good just to steer clear of its bad and harm, to always choose to do good and be kind. To continue loving the world and appreciating its good and beauty.

The poem itself states: ‘(nature’s first green is) the hardest hue to hold’. And I think that inplies that staying gold will not be easily for Pony. Being gold is no longer his inherent nature; it’s a choice he has to make. It won’t be easy to stay gold. We see Pony internalise that ‘being tough keeps you from getting hurt’ and Dally isn’t entirely wrong.

But as Soda says, ending up like Dally is no way to be. To constantly be fighting and to harden yourself from any good. You can argue it’s not even possible because even though Dally says he doesn’t let anything affect him or care for anyone, he loved Johnny and Johnny’s death was what drove him into aggravating the police and killing him.

I think there may be a lot of back and forth for Pony. Growing and regressing and failing and getting up to try again and persisting. And he has the potential to get worse, to become tough and hardened. But it’s thematically important for Ponyboy to choose against it and staying gold, no matter how hard it can get.

And I’d say that this passage does imply that Pony will eventually get away from their town, the way Johnny, Dally and many others don’t.