#sorry if the readmore doesnt work on mobile im so fucking sorry

[caffstrink]

this is very unexpected but do you happen to still have that rose lalonde lyricstuck comic you did ages ago? i really enjoyed it and i cant find it anywhere. you would make an anon really happy if you post it again 🙏

Ok anon first of all youre a real one for knowing me this long, second of all i hope this is the lyricstuck you mean bc if its not then it means its youre thinking of a different artist and youll have to keep searching and it means ive exposed my cringe laundry for nothing

Song is thread by now now

IM ON MOBILE AND READMORE DOESNT WORK IM SORRY EVERYONE

Im so fucking mad tumblr doesnt let me post the rest so ill have to reblog and put the rest. Hang on

[silksatan]

ive been going through my bf's phone every now and then (i know i know im not proud of it) bc he talks w my best friend about me a lot, specifically abt my mental state

hugelarge rant incoming, readmore doesnt work on mobile so sorry but ur gonna have to scroll thru<3

tell me why they are deadass talking abt sending me to a facility if i get worse. (this is not ed related btw its alcohol abuse and depression) like lol girl 1) you have no right to do that 2) why the fuck is this the first i hear of you being concerned :)))) she literally said "sometimes i feel bad abt not doing enough. like i guess i could play [my hyperfixation game] with him but i just dont feel like it" GIRL LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. doing something u dont feel like > me feeling included and cared for. like you know what yes u should feel bad bc she hangs out w my bf EVERY DAY on discord, without fail, but when im like oh want to play? shes like uhm sure just a sec and then doesnt show up until 3hrs later. like 🙂 ok

they talk abt me killing myself like it would be a huge inconvenience but also shrug their shoulders abt doing ANYTHING. they play hot potato w who should voice their concern (spoiler: nobody ever does) and state that well! we cant do anything other than listen when he decides to talk about it! and i didnt mind this inaction bc i thought they were unaware of how shitty im doing, but it turns out they know VERY well, they just dont give enough of a shit to bother doing anything about it. i did always know im more trouble than im worth🤭

whenever i do hang out w them while they play their own game they ignore me, nobody ever takes the initiative to do anything w me, if god forbid she's doing something w me and my bf comes online she immediately fucks off to hang out w him instead.

sick and fucking tired of it all. im going to start starving myself effective immediately & after i have my doctors appointment on monday i am doing some disgusting fucking cutting🤪

[heather-holloway]

how i, kiara heather-holloway, would plan and write the upcoming live action dylan dog tv show (thats being produced by james wan rn):

OKOK first off. my god. this has to be as comic accurate as it can be. this has to be better than the fucking movie or ill literally d*e oh my god. the movie was so bad and was only dylan dog in name and outfit. 

he needs the clarinet. and not for one scene. gotta have that shitty car, hes gotta be broke, hes gotta live on that craven st, hes gotta have the fucked up doorbell nd hes gotta have that p*lice officer backstory (though i dont want them to go too full into the backstories of the main characters cuz that takes away from the main story of the episode, and is really just unneeded)

this shit will be set in london. but as for the time im kinda on a fence? its always had a timeless sorta feeling, esp as of late with the comics only now starting to establish itself in the 21st century, but i would really like for it to be set in the 80s cuz a lot of the classic comic stories r from the 80s and it would fit in with how old timey he is with his car and movie references

i hope they have the budget to actually get the rights to use groucho marx’ likeness cuz like... the biggest thing the movie was missing was groucho nd even though there was a little easter egg in the beginning of the movie with them dressed like him... it wasnt enough bro, it’s not the same without him :(

if they cant get the rights then i hope they go the felix route, by making him act like groucho and shit but hes not like.. actually groucho i guess

i dont know where this show’ll get distributed, but im hoping netflix, since a 10 episode format (which is what it was confirmed to be) would be perfect on there with all their other shows with short seasons. 

im biased bc i love monster-of-the-week type shows but i think it would be perfect, since the comics are exactly that, where the story is self contained within its episode. i guess they could have some small overarcing story (maybe abt morgana and her tie to dylan?) over the season but idk how something like that could also fit in with the amount of story needed for the monsters and shit

id think itd be perfect if they adapted the first comic “dawn of the living dead” for the first episode of the series, since that comic is the introductory comic for dylan and groucho and how his shit works yknow? the audience could be like following sybil for that first episode as shes asking for their services and is just seeing their BullShit at close hand

idk about the rest of the series, but id love if they adapted the anna never story for an episode tbh

the tone id like for the show would be gothic, with european style of horror, but still crackheaded and bullshittery with grouchos and dylans antics and jokes. i hated what they did in the movie, making it a generic american action horror movie with the club scene of vampires vs werewolves. im so tired of vampires vs werewolves. let this represent european horror and bring that style into american culture Blease

idk who id cast for dylan. someone lanky, british accent definitely, early 20′s/25 maybe. i like brandon routh but hes too old for the part now u_u and honestly, though he kinda looked like dylan in face, he didn’t fit into dylans lanky profile at all. i hope maybe he’ll get a small cameo in the show tho😭 he got did so dirty by that shitty movie

the cast would be revolving, with only dylan and groucho and maybe bloch (if hes in the episode) being the main characters. the romantic interests and side characters for the specific story would last for the episode like in the comics.

this is just for me but id love for there to be a throwaway line about dylan and groucho being married at one point, to reference their marriage in the recent comics

also make the show rated r. i think the titties are the most important part of the comics

while id like for it to be set in london, id also like for it to travel to other places in europe, and take it to interesting scenery nd shit like they always do in the comics. idk how id feel about that one werewolf school story thats set in germany being adapted, but id like to see that german forest scenery lol

there needs to be a few groucho, la pistola! moments where groucho tosses him the pistol ok............also there needs to be the classic pistol

oh and dylan has to say dancing judas at least like 4 times ok .. god

umm for the effects of the monsters, i think itd be best if it was practical, rather than cgi. ive seen netflix’s cgi monsters nd while they work...... the practical effects i think would fit really well in the timeless/80s tone by being like various 80 horror flicks with their practical fx. since the comics were inspired by those classic horror films, like night of the living dead and shit

instead of making dylans personality be the cocky action hero that the movie made him out to be, i... would like for him to still be that jokey loner romantic that he is in the comics, getting himself into trouble cuz he accidentally slept with the monster or the killer or whateva. 

like he’s smart with paranormal shit but he only has 1 braincell and neither him or groucho have it most of the time

oh my god i just realized i hadnt even thought of xabaras ok fuck uhhh OK maybe he is part of the overarcing story. maybe yes he gets introduced in the first episode like hes first introduced the in the first comic. but maybe in the end, with the finale he comes back again, after you thought he was dead but noo ho ho hes alliivee and hes always gonna fuck with you dylan you cant get rid of him. whatever fight happens in the finale, it ends in a sort of draw where maybe dylan thinks he defeated him for good, only for the final scene to be xabaras just chilling, clearly not dead, maybe watching over dylan

(if there was to be a season 2, id like for them to do the “i am your father” reveal then, instead of doing all of that in the first season)

(id actually really like for dylans backstory with the time traveling shit and morgana in the second season to be honest now that i think about it)

the first season can be about the monsters of the week and the second possible season could actually focus more on his character story and how he even got into this shit lol

this show really has the potential to be a really great show that breaks out of the usual horror genre and im going to be SO disappointed when it inevitably becomes like riverdale or sabrina the teenage witch’s unnecessary edgy teen adaptions OR just becomes the generic horror franchise shit that james wan usually fucking does with saw and insidious. 

im really fucking praying that he actually pays attention to the source material and accurately brings the more gothic and european style of horror forward with it, introducing it to a larger american audience... blease for my sake .. i cant do dylan dog: dead of night (2010) again...

[princessmyriad]

Any systems out there that have maybe advice or anecdotes about non-corporeal alters, please if you feel comfortable sharing im in a tight spot and could use guidance:

So, I am a ghost. When we were little our hosts had always been human, during our teen years i co-hosted with a human. During our late teens/early 20s i was considered less of a co-host and more of just only being out when we interacted with our abuser, and the human co-host became the only host for a while. Since then that human is no longer host and isnt able to be considered co-host anymore (atleast not for the forseeable future until we get therapy and can unpack some stuff for her) and the role of host falls solely on me. The ghosty hostess with the mostess 😎

So basically tl;dr the first part, ive been in the body fairly often before but its only the last few months i have been here all the time with 'just me' (obv not including random switches/lurking but like i mean in a sense of the body primarily belonging only to me without a break.)

The body deals with a l o t of chronic pain.

Basically i had some thoughts recently where i couldnt tell if i could feel the body pains more these days just because i dont have a co-host/have someone to take it from me when its overwhelming, or because im becoming more connected with the idea of having physicality? Or the pain is just worse/increased because whatever is causing the pain hasnt been medically adressed and my condition has decreased. I have recently stopped taking my uh, 🍀 medication due to financial reasons and since not having it the body just feels worse and worse every day, i honestly didnt realise just how much it was doing for me in regards to just like. Allowing me to go for a tiny 10min slow paced walk without wishing to scream and howl in pain with every step. To let me function, essentially, on a physical pain management scale.

The last two ideas stress me out. I still feel like a ghost, not to get too personal but my ghost form wasnt formed out of a near death experience it was out of a need to have certain words and events 'go through me,' and a deep connected sense of lonelyness and abandonment like those things and people and places who are gone and forgotten. And i carry much trauma related to those feelings which i will not be going into detail about here. But the thought that i have been in this body so long by myself, and have over the last few years found friends and connections to other physical people i want to be around, couldve caused/be causing me to slowly become less ghost and more physically real? That scares and worries me. I still very much feel like i need to be ghost to stop us getting hurt in that way. I worry if i become corporeal, it will be easy for other people to hurt us in that same way again. I worry if i am corporeal that i will have to deal with the bodys physical pains much more intensely than i already do if i am so connected to it, and that i cannot do what i do best to allow painful things to pass through me. Like im made of nothing but smoke because i essentially am. Thats my entire reason for being. I worry if this is the case and im becoming a more physical embodiment of my former self that its out of my control and i dont get a choice. Because i would chose to stay ghost if i could.

The other option is also scary. The body is only 24 years old dude. It shouldnt hurt this much all the time over comparatively small tasks. Or no tasks. It shouldnt hurt this much just to be 'alive'. And if it is because the condition has progressed since the last time i was aware of the body for real and ive gotten worse? Thats almost too much to think about. How quickly is it progressing? Why cant i do anything to stop it? Why wont doctors do anything to stop it, or atleast identify it so i can work on managing it myself? Ive only ever split once (personally i mean not as a system) and the poor entity is full of medical trauma. It makes it so hard to keep going to doctors to keep begging them to take me seriously when they never do. Its so much pain and effort (let alone money) and exhaustion just to get to a doctor. Not even a specialist just a gp. Only for them to tell me every time that i brush my hair and dress nicely and usually wear makeup and i couldn't possibly be struggling in any way, especially physically. Its too much effort, more effort than its worth for that. So i dont really go to a doctor any more, but i need to, i need just one of them to take me fucking seriously. Because i have no good way of knowing if this pain seems so new and intense to me because im more 'real' (physical) than i ever was, or because there is more pain.

Both options suck

So yeah idk any ghostly entities or fluid/non-corporeal/shadow type alters, do you have advice how to tell if you might be becoming physical? Or those of you who used to be floaty who did transition into a more 'sturdy' being, what did it feel like? When did you know you werent the concept of see-through anymore? Do you prefer not having a graspable form? How has this change benefited your sys?

Idk i have a lot of questions just any sort of advice might be helpful here bc im having a rough time lately managing physical body pain in relation to the literal reason i exist and if i still exist like that.

[dinguspigeons]

if any of yall are college people esp college people that have dealt with difficult professors id like some advice

Professors are soooo totally cool like I've had to miss some classes because my uncle's had open heart surgery & been diagnosed with bladder cancer, and today my group had an extremely important presentation to an out-of-town client for our final, that overlapped with another class's final. I've emailed the professor of the class both times, explaining everything, and this is what she sends back today:

I'm aware of the turn-in policy. I asked if she wanted to see it in person today since she didn't get to see it for critique. I can't help if a final that was pre-scheduled for my group by the professor themselves overlaps with this final. I cant help if I have to make a 9 hour round trip out of town 3 days a week not even counting weekends for family shit because everyone's old and sick and no other able-bodied person in our family wants to help. I don’t get 3 hours of sleep on a good night to make sure everything I have to do is the same quality and is turned in on time, I don’t skip breakfast and lunch to keep up with classes that I’m paying out the ass for to be told I don’t have my priorities straight.

I'm stretched to my limits here my parents are going to murder me & i don't. Know how to respond. I need to respond but I don’t know how to do it without sounding “insubordinate”

[kuroimarzipan]

sorry for the long post im on mobile at work and have no idea how to put a readmore but. rambling musings on my characters re endwalker because im doing traffic control at work which mostly means standing around on my phone waiting for a car to leave this carpark so i can go hold up a stop sigh. for a minute to let it leave. its boring as hellll

but anyway im like. so off the shits from endwalker rn for multiple reasons. ive been developing niuwyb more and more as a proper wol... i made her partially as a joke bc i played thru msq as roeh (who id already written as a non-wol oc and was really happy with her story) and was having trouble envisioning any wol id create as terribly different lmao. the wol was a sea wolf roegadyn warrior to me... so i made niuwyb as a clone/twin au thing and ended up liking my self indulgent idea so much i kept her. and now im super invested in her as her own character... endwalker has me like. constantly thinking about her life with the other scions like. its so nice for her to have the scions as almost her own little family... roeh brought niuwyb into her family when they met for the first time and found out what was going on and the two are sisters that have a close relationship but i think that the scions are always going to be really close to her heart no matter what.... i just really enjoy thinking about those moments between all the big events that they have to deal with in msq. just sharing a meal together. or hanging out. after everything that happened i want them all to be happy... i almost think its a shame that they all left the rising stones but i want everyone to meet up again regularly u know. not as coworkers or people with similar goals but as friends and family...

and!! i wanna include some of my non-wol ocs in that too... sandrine and sonje were in this really weird place during shb (partially bc i was still developing their story) but i think endwalker is a really good point to cement the trio of sandrine sonje and ysayle as scions... one cause i always thought ysayle shoulda become a scion this whole time fr so im gonna imagine it. i would design her a scion outfit but my design principles are so not final fantasy it would be out of place lol. but theres no way niuwyb and the other scions wouldnt offer her a place with them as soon as they found out she survived lol

two i think sonje is in this sort of similar place as estinien kind of?? certainly not exactly of course but theres some parallels and i think that if they werent both socially inept they could probably talk about it. like sonje helped to liberate ala mhigo from the garleans and worked on rebuilding and returning peace to the place she grew up. but she had been gone for so long and lived so much more life and formed so many other attachments that staying there just... wasnt where she wanted to be anymore?? her place was with sandrine and ysayle now. and i think her joining the scions with both of them is like. they are her home now...

sandrine is actually the most fun to think about in regards to endwalker because shes so spiteful to sharlayan for both the new sharlayan exodus as well as them not doing anything to help when she was pursued by the temple knights on charges of heresy because of her studies in sharlayan... her mother died for that and its a wound that runs deep... she magically hid her archon tattoos for so long out of spite. i think that coming to old sharlayan would be very difficult for her, but with hydaelyn's power waning and sandrine's visions with it, she doesnt have a charted path and decides to rely on the scions for a way forward... shes still like fuck them sharlayans and fuck the forum tho. person that would get along splendidly with matoya. but i do want her to be able to form some semblance of peace with sharlayan as she did with ishgard after the dragonsong war. not forgiveness but a nod of acknowledgement that things are being set right finally. also thatd make 2/3 countries she has beef with. which means next expac its time for gridania to pay reparations to the duskwight lmaoooo

oh man this post is so long now help im just gonna stop it here before i go even deeper into rambling

[morphogenetic]

okay so its been a few days but i keep Thinking About Shit about pride stuff so here we go. im going to politely request that you dont read this unless you can like it/acknowledge that you read it somehow (unless you’re on mobile and this readmore doesnt work in which case: im sorry) and also d/o/nt rb but if you’re some variety of not-straight and/or not-cis replying to this is totally fine 

also this is long as fuck sorry

im in this very weird place where, although i am not in any way cis or het, i don’t feel like i truly belong at pride. like. obviously i’m trans, i’ve been out and living as trans and nonbinary for literally a third of my fuckin life. it matters to me very much that i’m trans, i have to basically come out over and over for the rest of my life because everyone is going to read me as a dude when they meet me for the first time and that is equally as wrong as when everyone was reading me as a girl before t. or if people look at my id and see the ‘f’ even though i can’t even change it to anything else and don’t even want to bc i have no desire whatsoever to tell the fucking government ‘HEY IM NONBINARY’

like being trans and nb is going to affect the rest of my life literally forever. but i’ve been out so long and since i was so relatively young that i just don’t think about it any more. i have absolutely no desire to even be cis, not like i can be bc that would mean i wasn’t nonbinary and the idea of being a binary gender is so fucking weird to me lmao. but it’s like. it’s obviously not a bad thing to be trans and i specifically am very content with it. being nonbinary and knowing that for sure and being super comfortable in that identity is great! but i also don’t feel like i have any reason to celebrate it because i just am. like it’s the same reason i feel very weird about celebrating birthdays and stuff. i mean my birthday isn’t soon in the slightest lmao but like. yeah cool i’m this age now! neat! i’m fine with telling people im this age and i have no negative feelings about being this age! but i just AM that age now why do i need to celebrate being a year older? it’s like that kinda

theres always the issue of the aroace-spec thing too like. yeah boys (and transmasc/masc-or-androgynous-leaning nb people, not girls lol) are attractive sometimes so i am, technically, gay, but my interest in having a relationship is so fucking low. ive had two crushes in my entire goddamn life! in 21 years! and both of those were on friends bc im also super demi! and otherwise the mere idea of a relationship is like. why the fuck would i want that?? why would anyone else even genuinely want that from me, a fucking average-as-hell-looking, balding-at-fucking-21 person who has literally no fucking ability to even function reasonably as a human being?  

like. even putting aside all the fucking issues that i have with actually having and maintaining close relationships - not even in a dating kind of relationship, i mean literally just trusting people in general let alone as friends  - thanks to the shit that three different former friends of mine pulled. even putting that aside i really don’t think i would ever really want a relationship even if i somehow managed to be even a little bit attractive to someone lol. im just too much of an inherent introvert for that. 

and obviously you can be gay/bi/queer/pan/(insert other not-straight romantic/sexuality orientation im sure im forgetting) and not be in a relationship lol. it’s just. there’s so much fucking pressure ESPECIALLY in the mlm communities that i would theoretically be most in-tune with to be extremely sexual. and obviously that’s not inherently a bad thing at all!! it just doesn’t work for me in the slightest because i have basically no drive for that at all and the only time i ever did was when my body was adjusting to being on t initially. now that i’ve been on it for long enough shit has settled back to where it was for most of my life and yep, still basically no interest in that.

and like. im not gonna pretend that i have it the hardest out of literally any lgbtq person. im incredibly white (some ashkenazi sprinkled in there but like. nobody would ever be able to tell that without me saying it since it’s only a fourth and i have no association at all with any religion let alone being jewish) and able-bodied (to the best of my knowledge lmao) and definitely in a rare space of having extremely well-educated liberal parents who, while not being like millionaires or anything, are able to financially support me and didn’t ever reject me. 

and because of all this im like. i dont belong at pride! it’s not for me! yes im trans but any random person is gonna think im a white cishet dude without me correcting them on pronouns. yeah im white but thats the only part of that that’s true but i still shouldn’t be taking up space that i honestly really do not need. i am happy the community exists and i WANT it to continue to exist and i dont think im gonna make any new cishet friends for the rest of my life but i just dont feel like im ever really going to be a true part of it

i really have no idea how to fully put my feelings about this into words. it’s just like. i am not afraid to be who i am but i dont feel proud of it in the way that i’m proud of like. my accomplishments. like when i graduate im gonna be proud of that! but i can’t be proud of who i am as a person in the same way, regardless of what im actually proud of myself for. i’m not proud of being 21 or having brown eyes or having my height. im not upset about them either but they’re just facts to me! in the same way that me being trans is just a fact about me

and pride is just. that. it’s just being proud of and celebrating your own existence. and im happy for people who can feel pride in existing (for all sorts of minority-related things not just lgbtq+ stuff) and i want people to continue to feel that way because when the world tells people they can’t be proud of who they are that’s shitty! but that’s not me and i don’t think it ever will be me. i realized i was aroace and accepted it in the span of a few days. i found out nonbinary people existed and immediately realized ‘oh that’s me’ within a week without feeling any self-hatred over it. realizing that i was mildly gay and not 100% aroace like i thought took me literally hours to realize and then accept. and i dont know how to express this irl without it seeming like i don’t want pride to exist because I VERY MUCH DO. i just. i never had the struggle in accepting those parts of me to the same extent that so many other people do and it feels wrong for me to be in a space for celebrating making it past that internal struggle when i never had it

[tumblunni]

Wow ok a new steven universe came out and i had no clue!

Spoilery thoughts below but i cant put a readmore on mobile

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The song ws neat with the sort of voice halfway between him and rose/pink. And i liked the designs for the pebbles and im glad we finally got a payoff for that old weird foreshadowing of there being some sort of fairy-sized gem species.

Buuuuut...

Uhh..like..i like showing how much steven's progressed by comparing pink's situation to his and all, but i really think itll be unsatisfying if he can just resolve this conflict thats been built up forever by just being a cute lil sibling to the evil assholes and theyll instantly stop. Are we really fuckin going with 'theyre not really evil we can resolve this with a big happy birthday party' in an episode that ALSO REVEALED THEY MAKE THE FUCKING WALLS OUT OF SENTIENT PEOPLE?!

seriously what the FUCK, i thought the pebbles were bad enough with being this tiny house elf esque slave caste but also some gems spend their entire life as a singing mouth on a comb or a surveillance system pair of eyes on a wall? Does that mean everything we've ever seen with a face themed motif wasnt decoration but the corpse of one of these guys??? Was even yhe beach temple some sort of super giant slave gem and the entire series theyve been living in her hollowed out mummified body?? Were the hand and leg ships made from gem shards too? Are they horrifyong fusion experiments like the cluster or the remains of gems even bigger than the diamonds who were killed eons ago a la norse mytholigy with the aesir being born of the first giant, committing patricide and using his corpse to create the nine worlds?

HOW DO I REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND RESCUE THOSE POOR WALL FACES HOLY SHIT MAN GET ME A SHOVEL

sorry but CMON you cant pull this 'literally every evil person ever is just misunderstood' stuff for people who've done this sort of sin and show no sense of remorse. Even if its 'just their culture and they dont know any different' thats like saying fuckin slave owners in real life would stop using black people as slaves if you just told them it was wrong. Fuckin hell...

I still have hope tho that maybe its gonna go with steven THINKING he can resolve everything with kindness but then it doesnt work and also we do see at least one goddamn evil person in this world who actually is evil and its okay to fight them. Seriously.. If you wanted to do a story about everyone being redeemable then dont show them commirting such horrifying sins and also not atoning for it. We shouldnt be expected to want to see them redeemed before they even remotely try at redeeming themselves! Peridot had a great redemption so why are we so bad at them now?? Please say its all a misdirect and thats not how its honna go down..

Also i just had a HORRIBLE theory that i wish had never popped into my mind. Cos they say here that white diamond DID use to actually talk to the other diamonds and she suddenly changed at some point. And the trailer we got for the movie/hour long special seems to show white pearl grinning evilly. So i had a thought.. Maybe white pearl is gonna be a villain and itll be 'somehow she took over white diamond in revenge and has some plan tp take down homeworld' or something. And just the idea of that being a villain is depressing. That the next step up from fighting these evil generals for a colonialist world destroying country with literally objectified slaves is OH NO THEYRE NOT EVIL REALLY and the next villain is one of the slaves...

So PLEASE let me be wrong...

[hogsteeth-archive]

alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously

[thetiniestcicada]

HI im stuck on mobile all day long so this is how im gonna answer some asks today whoops!!! Okay okay so

@mccree anon: U COME INTO MY ASKBOX WITH THE RELATABLE CONTENT B,,))) im so sorry u havent been lucky so far but i promise that for each hanzo that shoots u in the face theres at least one (me) hanzo (me) out there desperately waiting to say hi back (ME) with the enemy mccree,, godspeed my gay

@straight2space THANK U SO MUCH I’M SO GLAD :,,)) DnD has just been such an amazing creative outlet tbh like??? it offers such a good starting base but also allows to create without restricting it too much and idk im just reALLY passionate about fantasy in general so its just!!! So fucking great for this the options are endless!!! & like boy i feel re:CR,,, like just to listen to podcasts ive Gotta be doing something that doesn’t involve thinking (like washing dishes!!) or else i get restless & my attention span goes right out the window & ill completely lose track of whats going on so to add a visual element on top of that is a whole new challenge B,)) im sure its so worth the effort tho aahh ill def try eventually!!!!!

@dnd anon i have actually!! Im not sure which dnd post you saw but ill add the link to the one i made at the end (i cant link it fancy on mobile rip); maybe if thats the one u saw mobile just butchered it and took out the readmore bc thats what it does on my phone? If thats what happened id recommend opening ur internet browser and just copy-pasting the link in there; it should technically give u the full post!! If it doesn’t u can try requesting the desktop version and if it still doesnt work just hmu i can post it again O: let me know if this isnt what you meant though!!

http://thetiniestcicada.tumblr.com/post/162649650836/i-may-be-mistaken-but-did-you-say-you-play-dnd

@symmetra anon NIIICE im so glad!!!!! I love her so fuckin much hell yeah hell yeah welcome to the club B)))